It Ain't Easy Being Squishy
Careful What You Wish For
There are many ponies in the land of Equestria and these many ponies like many things. Some like apples, some like books and some are strangely obsessed with tubs of jelly. However, if there's one thing that everypony loves, it's bubblegum. Pink, squishy, sweet and sticky. These are some of the words that pop into a ponies head when they hear the word "Bubblegum". A simple treat that is beloved by millions all across Equestria from Las Pegasus to Manehatten and everywhere in between.
In the center of Equestria, there's exists a strange little town which is home to a strange, pink pony. This strange, pink pony held such a love for the chewy delight, it eclipsed that of any other ordinary pony, but this particular strange, pink pony was no ordinary pony. This extraordinary pony was soon going to meet someone who would to make bubblegum far more significant in her life than merely something to chew on every now and again.
~
It was an average day in Ponyville, which was a rare occurrence ever since the arrival of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Unusual events tended to follow in her wake, but today was different. The birds were chirping atop the rooftops, ducks were quaking in the ponds and three little fillies, without cutie marks were sitting opposite one another in the park. They were staring at one others eyes with great intensity. Not a blink nor a shudder from any one of them. Getting a cutie mark for staring contests isn't something you'd see too often these days anyway.
On the other side of the park however, there was a pink pony prancing around. Prancing to each chew of the bubblegum in her mouth. Prancing over the flowers, prancing over the cobblestone, prancing over ponies who fell asleep while seeking a tan in the fine day that it was. Unsurprisingly, her first name was Pinkie. Her last name also just so happened to be Pie, a little anti-climatic considering that she worked at a bakery.
She pranced and she pondered to herself, "What could make this day ten million times more awesome?". An excellent question indeed. To most ponies, for their days to become "ten million times more awesome", it would require them to receive twelve bags of unmarked bits, several high-class paintings of anthropomorphic apples playing Texas Hold'em, a pair of imaginary parents and a loaded rifle. Perhaps that would only apply to a certain apple bucking mare who lives nearby, but never-mind her for now.
This pink pony we were speaking of, who goes by the name of Pinkie Pie was still prancing around the park, getting up to her usual routine, until she spotted something she had not seen before. In the center of the park, right before her lay a brand spanking new water fountain. Complete with running water, mini stone ponies sculptures on the side and a sign reading; "Toss in a bit and you get a wish! This isn't a trick, probably. - Discord".
Pinkie however didn't read this. Instead, she remained gobsmacked at the prospect of discovering something new. Finding something she's never seen before has always tantalized her far more than it would to any other pony. She hopped around it with so much excitement, you could swear she had won the lottery. She was squeaking and giggling with the usual elation. This however, was expected from the spiritedly, young pony, so nopony batted an eye to her enthusiasm.
She finally stopped her incessant hopping and looked straight into the fountain with glaring eyes. She spotted coins a plenty. Each a wish to be granted to a pony bold enough to through their hard earned cash into a tub of water. Without hesitation, she whipped out two or three bits out of her deep, curly mane and tossed them into the fountain with a splash.
She pondered for a moment and spat the gum in her mouth onto her hoof, so she could have a clear head into to think. But in that moment, the pink, squishy texture of the bubblegum gave her the perfect idea (by Pinkie Pie standards at least) which immediately sprouted up within her mind. She proceeded with a calm voice which then enveloped into delirious exhilaration.
"I wish… I was made of bubblegum!"
"Oh, I do love a good stick of gum!" came a very familiar and very sinister voice.
Pinkie heard a flick of fingers and "poof", she vanished from the spot where she stood. Again, not a single pony gave a hoot, just seemed like Pinkie was up to her usual shenanigans.
~
"A little dickie bird told me that somepony likes bubblegum?" came the voice once more.
Pinkie opened her eyes. She wished she hadn't. She was laying promptly atop a cloud, which also just so happened to be floating several thousand feet (hooves) higher than most clouds. Pinkie wasn't particularly a fan of heights. She wasn't particularly a fan of logic either, so she didn't question why she was able to lay on a cloud without falling through.
"Comfy?" came the voice one more time. This time Pinkie knew who it was.
"Discord! I knew it was you!" responded Pinkie in abrupt outrage. Her eyes wide with both fear and resentment.
The God of Chaos was sitting right in front of Pinkie, seated on cloud shaped sofa with a cloud shaped tea cup in hand and cloud shaped top hat on head.
"Who did you expect? Mary Poppins?" chuckled the jolly draconequus.
"What's a Mary Poppins?" replied a puzzled Pinkie.
"Oh, just a good friend of mine, but never-mind her. Let us focus on that interesting wish of yours."
Pinkie seemed a lot more nervous now than she was on ground level.
"On second thought, it was just a spur of the moment you know? I don't think I wanna.." Pinkie was interrupted.
"You made a wish! No take-backs, no revoking and certainly no backsies! What's done is done, my little pony."
Discord flicked his talon-like fingers once again and the cloud beneath Pinkie Pie vanished. Discord continued.
"Now with all of that is said and done, let's have some fun, shall we?" said the chaotic creature with a smug grin.
~
Five full minutes of falling, five full minutes of Pinkie screeching like banshee in pure fear and five full minutes to think if Discord really did grant her wish. Thought really wasn't gonna matter when she hit the ground. A few seconds from hitting what appeared to be a field in the middle of nowhere, any hope of rescue dried up. As optimistic as she was, she really thought there was no way outta of this, and there wasn't. She hit the ground, and hard. Strangely, there wasn't a loud thud, like you'd usually get from a pony hitting the ground after falling several thousand feet. This time, there was loud splat, like dropping a wet hunk of clay. Clay however, wasn't the subject of this number.
Pinkie was indeed still conscious, she could feel it. The fall felt like falling out of bed in the morning, but she felt a little weirder than usual. From closer inspection, you could certainly see why. Pinkie tried to move, but it was nearly like she was stuck to the ground. Suddenly, that pesky old friend of hers appeared again. Discord seemed to be over the moon with what happened and the fact that it actually worked, this time. He strolled over and knelt down beside Pinkie.
"Feeling a little... flat? Are we?"
Pinkie had fallen face first, so her entire face was in the ground. She was murmuring and grumbling, but old Discord couldn't hear her. He grabbed the end of her head and pulled her up out of the dirt, like a piece of paper.
A mirror appeared in front of them, the work of Discord and he held Pinkie up to it.
"What do you think Pinkie?" he giggled.
Pinkie was three times wider and ten times thinner than she was before. Like a pink piece of pink felt, her immobile body fluttered in the wind as Discord held her, like a towel set out to dry. It felt very strange to her, nearly dizzying. Instead of being under the blanket, she felt like she was the blanket.
"Discord!" she yelled, hard to tell if she was angry or excited.
"Now now, don't shout. What do you think? Does being made out of bubblegum tickle your fancy?"
He snapped his fingers and Pinkie was stretched in and out until she was back to her normal shape, but she still remained made of that ever-so chewy gum.
"I.. I.. I love it!" she said gleefully to Discord, hopping around him, much more sprongy and bouncy than usual.
"Do I ever disappoint?" replied an equally delighted Discord.
Pinkie was still dancing around in her new form. Discord started to ascend upward, his work here was done.
"Well, I've got busy schedule to attend to, more wishes to be granted and the like. Try not to hurt yourself Pinkie. Who am I fooling, do try to hurt yourself! You're made of gum for petes sake!" boomed Discord as he laughed down to Pinkie.
Pinkie waved as he left. She noticed the hair on her hoof was a lot more shiny than usual, felt a lot more smooth and sticky, but what do you expect from a pony made out of bubblegum? She trotted back into town with her new squishy persona, ready to do things ten million times more awesome than usual.
It Ain't Easy Being Squishy
"Are you sure about this Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash asked nervously.
Rainbow Dashes mane was flopping up and down in the gentle breeze. Her big eyes were filled with anxious anticipation. Pinkie Pie was bobbing about on the spot with excitement, leaning against the fine mahogany railing atop the balcony of Twilight's Library. Twilight was away negotiating with the changlings or some such, but Spike let them in to do whatever strange scheme they had in mind.
Pinkie glanced back Rainbow Dash, entranced with excitement. She tried to entice Rainbow Dash into trusting her with her enthusiasm for her next idea of ludicrous proportions. Rainbow Dash thought it was ludicrous at least, but Pinkie had already messed around with her new form for the past hour. Why dry yourself with a towel and throw it in the wringer, when you can throw yourself in the wringer for a much quicker dry, with the added side effect of being flattened, but now Pinkie was ready to show somepony the shenanigans that she could get up to.
"I'm 1 million per cent, super duper sure about this! I'm no element of honesty, but trust me on this one. It'll be fun!" exclaimed Pinkie, glaring back at Rainbow Dash who was standing near the door, nervously loitering about.
"Pinkie, I'm used to all your crazy ideas, but this makes next to no sense! Could you please just rewind for sec and tell me this again" responded Raibow Dash. She was scratching her head inquisitively.
"Oh, alrighty then. Let me demonstrate for you!" yelled Pinkie in tremendous excitement as she leaped off the towering balcony of Twilight's Library, plummeting downward in her usual goofy fashion.
"Pinkie!" shouted Rainbow Dash as she ran to the balcony railing to see what she assumed was another one of Pinkies grand schemes gone awry. There was are loud splat, like a cherry hitting the ground hard and being squashed under its own weight on impact. Rainbow Dash feared the worst. She peered over the railing. From there she could see the entirety of Ponyville in all its quaint charm stretching all the way to edge of the everfree forest. The sun was beginning to set. This sight to beheld held no interest to her, but she was more interested in the fate of her peculiar pink friend.
She immediately spotted Pinkie, lying face down in the cold dirt, only a couple feet from the library. She seemed somewhat bigger and wider from the perspective of the tall balcony. A distressed Rainbow Dash flew down swiftly to her foolhardy friend, with feeling of dread, but still some hope that this was all supposed to be a part of Pinkies plan.
The streets were empty, everypony had already gone home or out having fun. Rainbow Dash on the other hand was standing in a muddy street outside Twilight's Library looking after her Pinkie Pie. She pondered why she even hung out with Pinkie Pie anymore, but remembered that her quirky charm was just too good to abandon. She trotted over to Pinkie. Standing ever so ominously over a laying Pinkie, stuck deep in her own shaped crater in the dirt as result of her scuffle with falling to the unforgiving ground. Rainbow dashed seemed horrified to see her friend, flatter than a pancake laying on the ground.
"Pinkie..." She uttered nervously.
"Are you.. alright?"
There was a silent pause for a few seconds. Sweat ran out of her short fur. Her mind alight with the current event. Pinkie quickly tried to prop her head up outta of the ground, her face clinging to the surface like you were pulling taffy from the bottom your hoof. An imprint of her face was left in the soil.
"Never felt better!" she screamed, enthralled with delight.
Rainbow Dash was left staring at her, mouth agape.
"Umm.. Pinkie," she asked, bewildered by her appearance.
"Yep?" responded Pinkie.
"Your body..."
"Yeah?"
"It's.. uh."
"It's what?"
Pinkie Pie was looking up at Rainbow Dash with excitement.
"You're... flat," Rainbow Dash mumbled.
"I'm what?" Pinkie replied curiously, unable to fully hear Rainbow Dash who was speaking so quietly, because of the shock.
There was yet another pause as Rainbow Dash continued to stare in freaky awe at Pinkie. Her left eye twitching all the while.
"You're completely flat!" she shouted with enthusiasm and hints of denial.
Rainbow was 1 million per cent right in fact. Pinkie was less than an inch thick. Her shiny, sticky fur gleamed brightly in the midday sun like a piece of polished plastic. Her flattened head could barely contain her big grin.
"Ha! I told you! Really cool, huh?" Pinkie replied casually, as if she's done this a thousand times over. However, she had only done it once before, by accident.
Pinkie propped herself out of her pony shaped crater in the ground, pressing her nearly paper-thin hooves against the ground. She was still just as thick as a doormat. If you folded her up and slapped "Welcome" on her belly, you'd practically have the same thing. A doormat with an unusual pink texture and childish giggle coming from it. Pinkie was battling with physics just by trying to sit up. Rainbow Dash helped her into a more comfortable sitting position on the ground. Rainbow Dash felt the texture of Pinkies fur by helping her up, it wasn't ordinary. It felt like warm plastic, nearly stick, completely unlike her own rugged, blue fur.
"Does this happen often?" Rainbow Dash asked, still in awe of Pinkies squashed appearance.
Pinkie turned her flattened head to Rainbow Dash. Her ears and mane flopped about in the breeze. Her smooth face lit with her always gleaming smile.
"You mean being all squishy?" she replied.
"Like this?" Pinkie continued.
She squeezed her head thinner and thinner and pulled it wider with her already squashed hooves, reshaping it to her every whim like a piece of soft tin foil.
"Whoa… That's pretty darn cool," responded Rainbow Dash in childlike astonishment.
"It's like you're made of clay or gum or something," she laughed.
"Well," said Pinkie, stretching out "L" sound.
"That's sorta the thing."
"So what now, you're suddenly just made out of gum? I'd love to see that!" chuckled Rainbow Dash with obvious sarcasm.
"Yup!" Pinkie replied smugly. Her face was lit with her smile.
Rainbow Dash glanced back at her in disbelief as she has done on so many occasions.
"Yeah right," she responded, still in minor denial of strange events that just took place.
"Yup yup yup, and I can prove it!" replied Pinkie as she stretched out her flattened hoof towards Rainbow Dash.
"Wanna bite?" giggled Pinkie.
Rainbow Dash shuffled a few feet back from Pinkie, clearly wrapped up in confusion in doing so.
"What!? No!" spluttered Rainbow Dash
"Don't like bubble gum?" Pinkie asked with equal confusion.
"No, I just don't like taking bites out of other ponies."
There was a pause while the two ponies stared at each other. Pinkie smiled at Rainbow Dash.
"Suit yourself. More for me," said Pinkie as she sunk her soft teeth into her own softer hoof and took a wholesome bite.
Rainbow Dash stood stiff with shock as she watched Pinkie chew a piece of her own gummy arm right in front of her.
"Watch this!" declared Pinkie with a mouth full of her own gum. She closed her wide eyes and held her breath.
In that instance, she spat the gum back into the bite in her hoof. Molding the slab of gum with the other hoof, she formed her appendage back into its original shape and she became all one piece again.
Rainbow Dash had thought she had seen it all, but as usual, Pinkie always finds new ways to surprise her. Rainbow Dash held her hoof to her own face for a moment.
"Did you just take mouthful of your own hoof and spit it back?" she said sickeningly.
Not everyone can comprehend everything that Pinkie does, particularly one certain, curious purple pony who's always poking with Pinkie with boring logic.
"Wanna see it again?" Pinkie responded jokingly, but in a way that felt like she would actually do it again.
Rainbow Dash started waving her hoofs back and forth in disagreement. She's obviously had enough of Pinkies shenanigans for one day.
"No no no, I think I've seen enough falling, flattening and freaking self-cannibalism for one day, thank you," she said, her brain surging with both confusion and astonishment.
Pinkie sighed for a moment, she laid her flattened head on her flattened hoof.
"Okie dokey, but before you go, can you help me get back into shape?" smiling as she responded.
"You've always looked pretty healthy to me, particularly on account of all the cake you've been eating," chuckled Rainbow Dash.
"No silly! What I mean is can you help me get unflattened?," responded Pinkie, inventing a new word in the process.
"It's pretty difficult to get home, you know, being flat and all."
"Sure, we can just use a pump and.." Rainbow Dash was interrupted by an anxious Pinkie Pie.
"No no no, a pump doesn't work. I tried, but it's waaay too slow," she replied.
Then she paused for a moment and stared across the street. A bunch of big, stray balloons of large proportions were tied to a lonely lamppost, it's light beginning to come alive as result of how late it was. She assumed that the balloons were the result of another one of Berry Punches late-night parties.
Pinkie gently stroked her soft chin in contemplation for a moment, leaving Rainbow Dash ripe with confusion and her mind asking a million questions a minute.
Pinkie glanced back at Rainbow Dash with her squishy head.
"But I do know what will!"
