An In Depth and Extremely Intelligent Look At Equestria

by GigawattGringo

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Random, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1174

Twilight Sparkle ravages Ponyville with the magic of learning. Follow her on her adventures as she warps the fabric of learning it's self.

Also known as, "An Equestrian Gagglefuck of Nonsensical Escapades."

Follow the adventures of the extremely curious, driven, and gassy Twilight Sparkle and mentally deficient friends as she embarks on a mission to learn all things magic and mystery.

Or just read the fic and find out this isn't a story to be taken seriously at all, your choice.

Delete System 34

Zimbabwe

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-27 04:00:01 UTC

The Adventure Begins

One fine day, the iconic main character of the series, Twilight Sparkle, was ravenously studying a historical book chronicling the adventures of one Starswirl the Bearded. Every five minutes or so, Twilight Sparkle would ram her snout straight into the book. One would notice as she lifted her head back up, a small stamp of Christopher Walken fighting Optimus Prime could be seen. Sticking out of one of her nostrils was a stamper of the same design, soaked with ink and readied for constant stamping.

"Sweet merciful filly Celestia, that's another good page for marking! Who knew that Starswirl the Bearded discovered the dust speck while trying to formulate a mustache growing potion? Fascinating!" A quick chortle and a tiny belch from the unicorn punctuated her closing of the book, and standing to all four hooves in a very haphazard manner. Stumbling away from her desk, she nearly trampled her young draconic assistant, Spike. He gave her a very discomforted look before returning to reading the latest issue of "The Power Ponies - He-Man Edition."

Twilight exited her tree abode, with the phrase "MARETROPOLIS WILL BE MINE, POWER PONIES! NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" booming from Spike's lungs with gusto. A rather violent explosion announced the appearance of one Pinkamena Diane Pie, who's mane was aflame with the aftermath of said rupture. Her eyes darted around in independant directions, much like a chameleon trying to start up a League of Legends game on it's first day of playing.

"TWILIGHT! HOW YA' DOODLIN'? I CAN'T SEE OR FEEL THE LEFT HALF OF MY BODY, PRETTY COOL HUH!?" Pinkamena then collapsed to the ground, dissapearing into thin air as Twilight Sparkle tried desperatly to hold in a fart of pure confusion. She waddled through Ponyville, vocalising a "How do ya' do?" and "Don't fucking go in my closet." to the local Ponyvillians. The villagers looked on in confusion and horror, some hiding their fillies and others doing triple front flips into the nearest structure to escape the mad unicorn.

Twilight morph-balled into Carousel Boutique with an air that would make Samus Aran proud. She seemed to have entered just as Rarity, her unicorn and fashionista friend, was finishing up lecturing her younger sister Sweetie Belle on an unknown matter. "-For shits and giggles, darling! That is why I must devise a dress that can alter the laws of physics themselves!" The crumpled up ball form of Twilight Sparkle rolling around and bumping into various objects caught the unicorn's attention, and she turned to greet her. "Twilight my dear, you arrived just in time!" She squeaked in glee.

Rarity was instantly silenced by Twilight's hoof touching her lips. "Shhhhhh. Hashasha is asleep." Twilight whispered before splashing a strange bottle of unknown contents onto Rarity's snout. Within not even a second, a brilliant purple mustache had grown upon Rarity's upper lip. The unicorn once again squealed with joy, pulling Twilight in for a bone crushing embrace.

"Twilight darling, you're a genious! This will go perfectly with the new fashion trend I've been developing!" Her voice had become even more posh and regal, making Twilight giggle at her expense before letting loose a ground shaking flatulation.  Rarity died on the spot, causing her nearby sister to let out a maniacle cackle.

Little did they know, Fred Flintstone watched from a distance, slowly plotting their downfall. It would be bloody, and glorious. None could stop the Yaba-daba. They weren't even a match for the Doo.

After burrying Rarity with her favorite ensemble, Twilight Sparkle departed for Fluttershy's cabin. Upon arrival, Fluttershy's house had smoke billowing from the open windows. Walking backwards through the front door, Twilight Sparkle's nostrils were instantly assaulted by the dank scent of a skunk's nether regions. The source of it was Fluttershy, sitting next to a bathtub that had been fashioned into a gravity bong.

The entire house was enveloped in the faint smoke, and Twilight Sparkle soon gained the ability to smell colors. Fluttershy began giggling before speaking with a voice that was obviously not hers.

"Yo T to the S what's really droppin' down in the motha' fuckin' P-Side mah nigga tell yo nigga how my nigga's doin' niggaaaaaaaaaa." Fluttershy's eyes were bloodshot red, and the animals around her all lazed about and ate anything within crawling range.

Twilight Sparkle's ear to ear smile informed Fluttershy that her motives were geared towards another one of her hair-brained schemes,and was instantly against it.

"Bitch why you always gotta be throwin' mustaches n' shit at people man like seriously what the fuck you are so fuckin' thirsty girl you need to calm the fuck down fo' real." Fluttershy took a rip from the bathtub bong and blew it at Twilight. Just then, everything made sense and Twilight was able to think rationally.

"Send dat shit to Celestia in a letter, maybe then Equestria wouldn't blow dogs fo' fuckin' quarters." Fluttershy vocalised her obvious joy for getting her friend contact high. Twilight Sparkle simply stared out the window, seemingly void of all thought. Discord then entered, slithering down the stairs.

"My dear Fluttershy, you wouldn't mind if I took a small bit of that, would you?" He inquired, pointing to the bathtub bong.

"Oh, of course not Discord. You can have as much as you please." Fluttershy's kind and feminine voice had returned, though  only momentarily.

"But don't get too high nigga, I ain't draggin' you slinky fuckin' sham-wow ass upstairs if you start turnin' shit into other shit n' givin' shit wings n' shit. I ain't got time fa' dat shit nigga shit." Fluttershy voiced her concerns for the light-weight scrub that sat coiled before her.

To both thier surprises, Discord filled the entire tub with smoke before inhaling all of it without breaking a sweat. He raised an eyebrow at Fluttershy with an "I did it, that's right" expression. Fluttershy sighed out her hit, and mumbled at him.

"Fuckin' bitch-ass nigga showin' me up in front my homies sheeeeeeeet."

Twilight came back from her trip, and had apparently come to the conclusion that the actual ruler of their universe was a black and red alicorn wearing a fedora. She stumbled out of Fluttershy's house, content with her findings for today. Fluttershy and Discord peeked their heads out, and watched her go.

"Bitch better bring a bowl to match next time!" She called out.

The sun set over the horizon, and Twlight Sparkle setteled in to have Spike take another letter to Princess Celestia. She wrote down everything she had learned, and had Spike send it off to the no doubtedly waiting deity.

The Princess's ears perked up towards a letter that had appeared before her, and eagerly opened it. She knew that it was from Twilight, and was of course interested to see what she had learned this week about friendship.

Upon finishing the letter, she put it down slowly. An expression of pure confusion painted her muzzle, and she could only find three words to say to voice her intricate and God-Like thoughts.

"What the fuck?"