An Heir To The Chocolate Throne
DIIIISCOOOOOORD!
The booming voice of Princess Twilight Sparkle traveled the checkered hills and valleys of Ponyville, startling herds of long-legged, hooved rabbits. It bounced around the many upside-down brown pines, shaking them of their feathered cream-filled choco-eggs. Ponies cowered in fear in their flat houses, watching their windows clatter dangerously against the massive volume.
The sound reached Discord as naught but a soft whisper, the lord of chaos being several miles away to admire the handywork. He felt quite proud this time - the landscape went from boring to absolutely astonishing in just a few short minutes. He could only gasp at the imaginative shapes the lampposts assumed, bending and changing ever so often to keep things mixed up. Above it all hung a rainbow unlike any other, flickering like some cheap neon sign, surrounded by herds of pink cotton clouds. The best part of it? None of it was his doing to begin with!
“I must admit, I am very pleased,” sagely nodded Discord, pulling out a pair of thin-rimmed glasses from behind himself. “The sky could use a bit more work though, and while I do adore the chocolate milk clouds, it has already been done before. You have to respect copyrights!”
The lord of chaos scrutinized the glasses in his paws. “Pah! What was I thinking,” he muttered, squashing the object with an audible squeak and rubbing his hands together for several moments. “This will definitely be more fitting,” he muttered, releasing the now pink and flashy glasses. “Here you go!”
The tiny figure sitting behind Discord reached out its hooves towards the object, its eyes as wide as plates and sparkling with glee. “Thanks, papa!” it squeaked, immediately sinking its tiny fangs into the glasses and suckling. The shades deflated instantly, shrinking and scrunching up.
Discord chuckled, patting his son on the head. Ever since he heard about the little tyke he could not help but wonder where the creature came from. The ways of chaos were bizarre, to say the least, but even the master of the matter would never suspect that an heir to his domain would pop up so suddenly and without any prompt.
Disorder was a young colt that resembled his father in many ways, despite his body being almost exclusively pony. He had Discord’s crooked horns and mismatched wings along with a scaly tail tipped with puffy fur, but other than that he had regular boring hooves and pony frame. His yellow eyes with red, pupiless irises always darted about, seeking anything and everything that could be made prettier or better. The little one’s multi-colored fur was short and much to Discord’s amusement, the colt shed a ton wherever he went.
“Oh, goodie! Somepony’s coming to visit!” cheered Discord, pointing towards a comet-like purple smudge rapidly heading their way. “Now remember, Disorder - be nice to Auntie Twily, okay? It is very important we make a good first impression!”
“Yes papa!” chirped Disorder, spitting away the drained glasses and putting on his best, if not overly large, grin. “I’ll make you proud, papa!”
* * *
With earth-shattering force, the Regal Princess of Friendship touched down in front of Discord, her face twisted into a hideous mask with flared nostrils and blood-shot eyes.
“Why, hello there, Twilight! Fancy meeting you here!” greeted Discord. His voice was literally oozing innocence, the stuff sticking to Twilight’s mane and face in pinkish strands. “It is quite a beautiful morning, if I do say so myself.”
“DISCORD,” huffed Twilight through gritted teeth. “FIX. PONYVILLE.”
The draconequus giggled, gently floating into the air. “Oh, I am so sorry, dear Twilight. Even if I knew what you meant,” he chirped, letting a stampede of pony-sized ladybugs pass beneath him, “I cannot do anything! My paws are tied, so to speak.”
Twilight stomped a hoof, the soapy road beneath splashing in all directions. “You chose a very poor time, Discord. I’m warning you. Don’t try my patience. Not today.”
“Oh, Twilight, friend, buddy,” said Discord, pulling Twilight into a sidelong hug, “why the long face? Don’t you know that it is a time of celebration and joy?”
“After all the destruction Tirek caused?!” hollered Twilight, trying her best to ignore the party hat that appeared on her head. “Do you have any idea how much work it will take to fix Sweet Apple Acres and level out the landscape?!”
“Pah, Tirek. He’s old news, long gone and safely tucked away in Tartarus, right?” purred Discord, offering Twilight a purple party horn. “We have more important and amazing things to celebrate, you and I! In fact, all of Ponyville should celebrate!”
“Discord,” grunted the Princess, spitting away the toy and wrestling herself away from the draconequus. “Last warning. Return Ponyville to normal or so help me Celestia, you’ll be looking for your body parts across the world.”
“Oh, Twilight, you didn’t listen to a word I said!” pouted Discord, floating down and looking sideways. “I didn’t do anything. I am reformed, remember?” he snapped his claws and puffed a pink, fluffy collar into existence around his neck, the leash wrapped around Twilight’s horn. “You should politely ask the pony responsible for this work of art. I say, your manners have been lacking as of late, Princess.”
Twilight Sparkle had half a mind to stone Discord right then and there. All it would take was to call the girls and rainbow the living crap out of the unruly draconequus. Dealing with his antics on top of Ponyville relief efforts, calming the populace and filling out massive amounts of paperwork shortened her fuse by a good few feet.
The mare sighed deeply, putting a hoof to her chest and counting to three. She exhaled slowly, extending her leg away, mustering the reserves of her patience to ask the question: “Then who did it?”
“My son of course!” cheered Discord, clapping his hands together. He quickly zipped to Twilight’s face and spread his palms apart, a small figure materializing between them. Perched on top of his lion paw there was a tiny colt with large eyes and a giant grin that took up most of his face.
“I did a chaos!” chirped the young Discord-like pony, jumping up and down excitedly.
“Manners, my boy,” reprimanded Discord, waving a talon in front of the bouncing colt and tsking.
“Oh, right!” cheered Disorder, stopping mid-jump. “My name is Disorder! Nice to meet you Miss Auntie Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
Discord couldn’t help but match his son’s grin as rogue strands of hair popped out of Twilight’s mane and tail.
* * *
The new castle Twilight lived in had one main advantage over her former tree-house - it seemed to be resilient to Discord’s antics, or chaos in general. It was the only normal place in Ponyville for the time being and a perfect spot to talk in private. Or rather, yell at the top of your lungs without being heard through the thick doors and crystaline windows.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?” shouted Twilight, making full use of her training in using the Royal Canterlot Voice. “WHO DID YOU DO THIS TO? WHERE’S THE MARE? I SWEAR-”
“Twilight, please, calm down,” tried Discord, floating near the ceiling. “There was no mare involved, I assure you. I would have known if there was.” A wicked grin crept onto his features. “Or maybe? I don’t know, maybe I should stop accepting drinks from strange mares. Or maybe you think Fluttershy-”
“ENOUGH!” Twilight sat down helplessly on her throne. With a weary eye she observed the smaller version of Discord trot around, laughing at something with joyous abandon. “So, he’s not your… doing?”
“No, not at all,” sighed the draconequus, hovering down to stand next to Twilight. The fact he had to flap his wings for once was both irritating and refreshing. “I would have never come up with such a mischievous little bundle of joy,” he admitted, an involuntary grin brightening his face.
“Have you tried asking him about it?” inquired Twilight, watching Disorder make a sudden turn and charge straight for his father. “How do you even know he’s your son?”
“Oh, I guess that biologically he isn’t,” mused Discord, intercepting the speeding colt. The impact sent him tumbling backwards a short distance, softly stopping against a wall with the child in his embrace. “I adopted him. It just felt right.” Shrugged the draconequus, trying to maintain a hold on the squirming figure.
Disorder was hell-bent on getting to his dad’s muzzle using a combination of hooves and wings to wiggle out of the talons and paws that tried to contain him. Not being able to snap his tail and use chaos was a bummer, but even without his power he was having a blast.
“I tried asking him about-pfee!” started Discord, unable to stop the small colt from taking rogue laps at his muzzle. “I tried-pff to ask him about his-hey! mother. Hold on a sec,” he grumbled, still grinning at the squirming little figure evading his grasp.
Discord tumbled forward, chuckling in tandem with his son until the two landed next to Twilight. Disorder ended up perched between his father’s horns, swishing his tail from side to side with a wide grin.
“As I was saying,” said Discord, ignoring the tugging and licking on his long and bushy eyebrows, “He doesn’t know where he came from or how. And I find it quite charming that when asked about his mother… Disorder? Would you mind telling your dear Aunty who your mommy is?” snickered the draconequus, prodding his little passenger.
Disorder, who was currently busy with thoroughly chewing and slobbering Discord’s left brow, nodded and gave Twilight a wide, hairy smile.
“Mff mffmy-pfu! My mommy is Chaos!” proudly claimed the colt, struggling to stand on top of his father’s head.
Twilight would have been more shocked if the answer actually made sense. So far, everything about the draconequus and (apparently) his step-son didn’t hold. Something seemed fishy. Why was it so that right after Tirek tempts Discord to the dark side he conveniently finds a creature that is as chaotic as himself and not bound by an oath to not cause Chaos? And why is it so pony-like?
Could he have gone so far as to foalnapping an innocent and converting them somehow? rang in Twilight’s thoughts. She mulled her idea over for a few seconds before finally deciding on her next question: “So, you’re just okay with that? Somepony shows up and you just take him as your son in stride?”
Discord watched Disorder lean forward and boop his long muzzle, snuggling up to it as he descended down. Soon his view was blocked out by colt flank, his eyes shut tight against the whipping dragon tail.
“I was mildly surprised, yes, I admit,” chuckled the draconequus, tilting his head down and shaking off the giggling colt. “Still, I wouldn’t be a good lord of chaos if I didn’t embrace the unexpected and took for granted the impossible, now wouldn’t I?”
“Well… I guess if you put it that way...” Twilight observed the colt tumble to the floor, still laughing and flailing his hooves around. “I wouldn’t imagine you as a father, though. You’re just, uh… too much of a free spirit I guess?”
“Oh, yes, I am! But what has that got to do with anything?”
“Umm… Having a child is a big responsibility. It’s not something you just pick up and do whenever you please. It’s a full time job!” huffed Twilight, jumping off her throne and facing the spirit of mischief.
“Hmmm… Is it?” grinned Discord, lazily swishing his tail in Disorder’s direction while the colt tried to tackle it. “He is quite a hoof full, true, but as you have already seen, he is capable of doing Chaos on his own. What else would he need besides that?”
Twilight sighed and sat on her haunches. “Well, for starters, you need to feed him, bathe him, teach him about society, math, literature-”
“Oh, hogwash, Twilight Sparkle,” interrupted Discord, waving away her words as if they were flies, which they would be should he have his powers in the dreaded castle. “Disorder is the spawn of Chaos, just like me. He knows all there is to know and can take care of himself pretty well!” He smiled at the scowling mare, flicking a claw up her snout. “You jelly, Twilight? I get to be a father without any of the burdens of parenthood! It’s almost like it’s my birthday or something!”
“W-Well… Well,” tried Twilight, racking her brain for a counterpoint. “How can you tell? I mean, he can talk, yes, but he acts nothing like you. If anything...” Twilight trailed off, watching the colt lose interest in Discord’s tail and look her directly in the eyes. “He’s just too innocent to be a copy of you.”
“Innocent? Last time I checked outside, it was a delightful case of Chaos,” reminded Discord. He raised his eyebrow at the colt who was now gingerly tiptoing towards Twilight, stopping right at her hooves with his head tilted up.
“Why am I a pony, Auntie?” asked Disorder, glancing back at his dad briefly.
“U-Uh… I don’t know?” tried Twilight with a smile. “W-Why don’t you ask Discord?”
“I already did,” replied the colt, pressing his muzzle between Twilight’s forehooves. “He didn’t know either. He said that I was more equus than draconi.”
Discord offered only a shrug and smile to the confused mare. Twilight observed with some trepidation as the small chaos spawn muscled his way between her hooves and curled into a ball between her legs.
“Your fur is so soft, Aunty,” mumbled Disorder, letting slip a squeaky yawn.
Twilight had to widen her stance a bit to accommodate the sleepy colt, looking between him and Discord who wore a rather content expression. What? she mouthed.
“I guess he likes you, Twilight,” whispered Discord with a lopsided smile. “If it wouldn’t be much trouble, would you let him nap there for a while? As far as I can tell he didn’t sleep since he popped into existence, and Chaos does tend to drain a pony out.”
“W-What? I’m supposed to just sit here?!” hissed Twilight, trying her best not to fidget. “And what about outside? I can stay here, but you need to fix Ponyville!”
“I wish I could,‘ chuckled Discord, striding past Twilight. “But alas, I cannot undo Disorder’s Chaos. Only the one who did it can reverse it.”
“What? How-why? How does that make sense?!”
“It doesn’t,” winked Discord, already by the giant crystal door. “Ta-ta, I’ll pick him up at eight!”
And the sun barely started it’s way down the sky...
Author's Note
Pro Tip: Always read the Author notes.
Secret Hint: The story status always lies
“Discord...”
Sticks and stones may break bones, but words usually don’t. No, they are more like rapiers - they stab fast and hard, wiggling in the heart cavity. Drawing out the last syllables into a sigh can only be compared to following it up with a dagger, tenderly stabbing in the gut of conscience. A pouty expression was a telltale sign of both weapons having been submerged in the deadliest poison - guilt.
Discord got the full package, crossed hooves and disappointed head-shake included. The Draconequus wasn’t allowed to make more parallels that could artistically describe what they felt like, as the author decided to keep it all PG. Needless to say that only added insult to injury.
The worst part? The treatment was uncalled for! Of all the times the mischievous spirit relished in the thrill of causing tiny, itsy bitsy instances of Chaos without Fluttershy noticing, his friend chose the worst possible moment to accuse him of breaking his oath to do no harm without a doctor’s degree.
“B-But Fluttershy!” moaned Discord, crawling on his knees behind the pegasus who turned away from him. He gave himself an additional pair of legs just for emphasis. “It wasn’t me! I promise, I swear!”
“Discord...” sighed Fluttershy in a small voice, the single word cutting through the draconequus’ heart like a hot knife through butter. “I thought you knew better than to lie to your friends. We are still friends, right?”
Discord threw away his flat heart and dagger replica and slinked in front of Flutterhyshy, eagerly nodding. “Yes, yes, we are! That’s why I’m telling the truth! I have a son and he did the Chaos, not me!”
Fluttershy turned around, flaring her wings in mild irritation. “Discord, enough is enough. It’s one thing to lie, but joking about parenthood is even worse. How could you try and blame somepony else for something only you could have done?”
The spirit of chaos smacked a lion paw to his muzzle with a snarl. He pulled his face down with force, stretching it to a point where it escaped his grasp and snapped back into an angry scowl.
“Of all my friends, and I have many by the way, I thought that you would believe me! Even Twilight knows I’m being truthful! You know, in fact, we should go see her! I’ll show you Disorder and then we’ll see who should feel bad about their deeds!”
With a snap of a talon the two got unceremoniously teleported in front of the majestic castle. Discord angrily kicked the doors in, single-handedly pumping a shotgun that appeared out of thin air before barging into the building.
“Oh my,” gasped Fluttershy, looking around frantically. She’d never seen Discord this angry before. Even when she forgot his made-up birthday.
* * *
Twilight stood stock still in the middle of her throne room. She was thinking hard, as that seemed the only thing she could do without disturbing the little intruder between her hooves. The alicorn suspected that the tiny chaos spawn was actually playing her, pretending to sleep and beginning to cry whenever she as much as budged from place.
I have to write to the Princess. She has to know we’re in big trouble. Where in the world is Spike? Why am I even standing here? So what if this colt, uh, Disorder, wakes up? Ugh, Discord did this on purpose! They both did! Twilight scowled slightly, darting her eyes to the small figure beneath. That’s it. Enough is enough! Ponyville had to suffer Tirek and doesn’t deserve chaos on top of all that! Come on Twilight. You can do this. You raised a dragon from infancy for Pete’s sake! You know how to calm a foal down. Even if he’s just joking, you can handle him. You’re a Princess. Yeah! Come on!
Feeling confident and determined, Twilight raised a forehoof, immediately wincing at the soft moan and sob from below. Disorder squirmed in his little nest, his hooves grasping meekly at thin air. Twilight’s rational mind received a sucker punch from her deeply repressed motherly instincts and she let slip a coo before quickly taking back control of her body with a violent head shake. This was no time to be a romantic uni- alicorn who had secretly wanted her own little bundle of joy ever since the Cake twins were born.
Twilight put her leg back where it belonged and sighed. Her melting heart mucked over her irritation as the defenseless foal snuggled up to her hoof. This felt way too right to her. Disorder’s face stretching into a smile felt so right and warm. His little wet snout nuzzling her inner thigh was-
Twilight, listen. This isn’t even a foal, got it? It’s a tiny representation of Chaos itself. Those adorable little hoofsies can level mountains and turn ponies upside-down. That cute, itsy-bitsy muzzle spouts-
Ever seen a yawning foal? Adorable, right? Twilight saw only a few in her lifetime, each and every one of them causing her legs to wobble and face melt into a smile. Even with her limited expertise, she knew deep in her critical-mass-approaching-heart that Disorder took the cherry, cake, silverware and most likely everything else that wasn’t bolted to the floor.
It started innocently enough, with a small squirm and groan. Slowly the tiny lips parted, stretching the muzzle wider and wider with a squeak that could defeat Sombra on its own. His hoofsies stretched forward, bumping into Twilight’s larger ones and kneading into them with the lightest of touches. It was around that time someone could scream “FINISH HER” in a blood stained font and it wouldn’t seem weird or out of place.
The fatality involved the colt’s whole body. Like a small coil, the foal unfurled itself, the mismatched wings quivering like Twilight’s fluttering heart. The high-pitched squeak trembled and died down into content smacking, leaving the regal Princess in a warm, floppy mess.
Twilight lowered her head and nuzzled the tiny body. Her logical mind was flipping tables at her, but the mother was strong in this one. All the years of caring for Smartypants and Spike paid off as she expertly adjusted the baby, shifting herself to a prone position wrapped around Disorder. Her wing instinctually cuddled the foal closer to her side and the alicorn sighed wordlessly.
She would regret this little moment in a few chapters, but you didn’t hear that from me.
* * *
Discord observed the heart-warming scene from the throne-room’s door frame, waiting for Fluttershy to catch up. All his anger dissipated as he saw his step-son masterfully mess with Twilight’s head. He would treat him to a good-old pair of ski-goggles later on.
“He deserved it,” snickered the draconequus. He turned around just in time to see Fluttershy trot into view. Pressing a talon to his mouth he pointed towards the cuddling couple, bracing for the inevitable.
“OH M-fffmmmffmmff,” yelped Fluttershy, the lion’s paw holding her muzzle tightly shut taking the brunt of the pegasus’ excitement. The element of kindness struggled brutally for freedom but held no chance against the elder and stronger creature.
“Shhhh,” warned Discord, looking back to his son and current babysitter. The two looked great together. It was a pity he could not summon a sculpture to commemorate and vandalise the moment. “He’s asleep Fluttershy, and I think that you owe me an apology before I let you talk to my son.”
Fluttershy piped down, her tail swishing nervously. Her eyes darted between Discord and the most amazing tiny draconequus she had ever seen. She had to meet it, talk to it, care for it, she just had to!
“Mff swwwy,” murmured out Fluttershy, dabbing a hoof at the crystal tiles.
“Pardon me, what was that? I swear I heard those words before,” teased Discord, letting go of the blushing pegasus and leaning in closer. “Repeat, please?”
“I-I’m sorry, Discord. I really am,” whined Fluttershy, trying to look past the sleek figure and towards the tiny creature lying under Twilight’s wing. She stared at it like a bird of prey, whinnying in frustration as the mean draconequus always floated his muzzle into her’s.
“Oh, gosh darnit,” cussed Discord in a PG manner, “I swear, those words ring some bells. Somewhere, nearby. But they are a bit off. They, hmm, lack a tiny bit of, I don’t know, guilt, maybe? A dash of embarrassment at disbelieving a good friend, hmm?”
With visible difficulty, Fluttershy unglued her gaze from the foal and looked at Discord. She immediately shrunk under his demanding stare and murmured out another apology.
“Yes, that’s more like it,” smiled Discord, nodding. “Go on, go on.”
The Pegasus flapped her wings nervously, hiding behind her mane. If it wasn’t for the three butterflies on her flanks, her special talent would surely be ‘meeping out words so inaudible you’d think they weren’t there but you’d be wrong’.
“Ah, yes, yes, thank you! And no, I’m not angry. I just wanted to forgive you! It feels nice after all,” smirked Discord, wrestling Fluttershy into a hug. “Don’t worry. Friendship cannot be undone by a single instance of a friend questioning the authenticity of another party’s statement or claims to being a legal guardian for a minor that is capable of exerting super-natural powers that stand in direct violation of Civil Magical Usage Law declared a thousand years ago but not really.”
“S-So, umm, you know,” said Fluttershy briskly, squirming in Discord’s embrace but trying to be polite and still sort of remorseful about her earlier behaviour. “D-Do you think you could introduce me to, uh, um...”
“You don’t even remember his name? How rude!” hissed Discord, putting Fluttershy away and slowly stomping towards Twilight and Disorder.
“Y-You never told me- hey, wait,” whispered Fluttershy, slinking behind the draconequus. “C’mon, don’t be a meanie, tell me his name, please? Please please please-”
Discord had to admit one thing to Fluttershy. She and Disorder shared the same persistence and subsequent irritating nagginess that went beyond any sane creature’s capacity for patience. Even the lord of chaos felt a pang of annoyance when Disorder found it amusing to meow in his ear on their way from the frozen north all the way to Ponyville. Maybe it was the actual cats that had smacked against his head time and time again, but something about his demeanor had screamed, “I’m gonna have my way regardless of how long it takes.” That same kind of persistence now made Discord regret not having the power to zip-up Fluttershy’s mouth and throw the fly away.
* * *
Despite his nap being cut short, Disorder was as lively as ever. Still having to stay in the castle sucked big time, but the visitor his dad brought along had been more than amusing. She was a pegasus that asked a lot of questions about him and couldn’t keep her hooves to herself. Her name was Fluttershy and she was everything his father had told him she would be.
“You’re such a cute little foal, yes you are,” cooed the tender pegasus, gently stroking the belly of Disorder. “Such a nice little colt, so calm and well-mannered.”
If it wasn’t for the expert belly rubs, Disorder would have left the mare with a pout. His ego was hurting against the insults blatantly thrown at his face, but those hooves were just so soft and caring that it was impossible for magic not to be involved. He didn’t know if he liked it more than Aunt Twilight’s downy wings. Either way, he’d still try and ask her to stuff those feathers into a pillow for him later.
“Daddy, when will we go outside to make more Chaos?” asked the colt, wiggling around as Fluttershy discovered a particularly tickly place.
“Oh, uh, yeah,” gulped Discord, nervously scratching the back of his neck with a claw. “About that, son-”
“You need to fix it,” interrupted Twilight, frantically scribbling on a piece of paper held in her telekinesis. Now that her mind had managed to claim back her body and reinforce her will with a few solid slaps across her muzzle, she’d finally got to writing to Princess Celestia about the incident. “You can’t be doing Chaos in Ponyville. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
Disorder squawked, his eyes wide in fear. He shot his father a confused glance only to see his drooping ears and apologetic frown.
“No,” he whispered, wrestling himself from under Fluttershy’s hoof and trotting over to Twilight. “Auntie Twilight, you’re joking, right?”
“I’m afraid not,” huffed the Princess, rolling the scroll and looking around her throne room. “But we’ll talk about this in just a moment. Where in the hay is Spike-”
“Auntie! That’s unfair!” moaned Disorder, following the Princess as she began looking for her assistant. “I can’t do chaos? Not even a little bit? Why? I’m not hurting anyone!”
“No,” replied Twilight, bluntly. She trotted briskly through the majestic, if not overly ornate crystal hallways. “Did you even look at the ponies your Chaos touched? They are mortified!”
“But I was just having fuuun!” moaned Disorder, trying to cling to the alicorn’s hoof but being shaken off every time. He looked back to Fluttershy and Discord who silently tagged along, looking for support. “Daddy, Auntie is being m- m- meeeean!”
“Oh, I know, son,” sighed the draconequus, rolling his eyes at the obvious. “Your Auntie is a total buzzkill.”
Twilight shot Discord an angry frown, turning towards the giant ball room she had fashioned into the new Ponyville Library. “A buzzkill? I’m the bad mare for trying to keep Ponyville in one piece? Suuuuure.”
“Hey, last time I looked outside, it wasn’t my nine thousand-something power level that had given Ponyville a new moat!”
“It was your fault to begin with!”
“My point still stands. And I was the victim there, you know that very well, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Victim? Victim?! How in the world-”
“Stop it, both of you! Not in front of the foal!” interjected Fluttershy, her voice surprisingly strong against the bickering immortals. She protectively wrapped Disorder in her wings and cradled him, the tiny chaos being silent and pouty. “I’m sorry, Disorder. Aunt Twilight and Daddy Discord were just having a loud talk. Weren’t you?”
Fluttershy could be scary if she wanted to. It was a passive ability triggered when her friends or innocent woodland creatures were in danger. Her stare, usually reserved for unruly beasts, made the two look away and dab at the ground awkwardly, murmuring out their agreement.
“Good,” she sighed, rocking the teary-eyed colt in her embrace. “I’m sure everything will be alright. Don’t worry, Disorder. I’m sure the Princesses will find a way for you to still do the things you like. It’s not like Discord is being an angel all the time anyway.”
“Fluttershy, I don’t think-”
She had no chance of speaking to a Fluttershy engaged in momma mode. Her wings were flared and her eyes were focused on Twilight so intensely they would give a gorgon a run for her money.
Not wanting to put her immortality to the test against Fluttershy’s instincts, Twilight put on a wide, fake smile. “I mean, sure, we’ll try and figure something out,” she nodded stiffly.
The alicorn did her best to ignore the triumphant grin on Discord’s face and quickly looked over her improvised library. It was sadly void of books, all that she saved only filling a cabinet or two. Most of it was still stacked in a pile, Spike had apparently not been tending to his duties with enough diligence.
“Where in the world did that dragon go to?”
* * *
‘Ponyville is a mess’ was an understatement so horrendous it made Discord chuckle. Free from whatever power warded his chaos inside the castle, the draconequus flexed his powers by adding a few innocent accents of his own to the already impressive landscape crafted by his son.
“Discord! Remove those… snake streamers. Please,” hissed Twilight, hurriedly pacing past a small berry bush peppered with small coffee beans. Wish I had time for coffee, mentally groaned the alicorn, hopping over a cluster of foamy bubbles in the watery road, a nice cup of joe would either help me deal with all this or put me out of my misery...
“Aunt Twilight? I really can’t do any more chaos?” asked Disorder, perched between Fluttershy’s wings.
“I’m sorry, Disorder,” apologised Twilight, scanning her surroundings for the purple scales of her assistant. It was both helpful and irritating that all the ponyville houses were ground-level flat at the moment. “I will need you to reverse it all as soon as I send my letter to the Princess.”
“Reverse it? As in, take it back?” gasped the tiny chaos being, grasping Fluttershy’s neck harder. “B-But why? It’s so much more interesting this way!”
“I think so too!” perked up Discord, floating beside a fuming Twilight. “Considering the landscape around, Ponyville fits in perfectly into the ‘levelled by an OP alicorn’ theme!”
“Not. Now. Discord,” growled Twilight through grit teeth, her wings flaring in anger.
“Oh my! Twilight, have some decency! Not in front of the foal!” mocked the draconequus, scooping up his son and covering his eyes with a lion’s paw. “I know I’m devilishly handsome and that it is your body’s natural reaction, but I haven’t given him the talk just yet. Cover yourself up, for Pete’s sake!”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes and Twilight did her best to ignore Discord altogether, trying to remember if Spike said anything about going anywhere. She was so engrossed with her paperwork she didn’t notice the baby dragon most of the time, except when he wasn’t around and she needed him. Right now was probably the worst possible moment for him to go visiting someone or shopping… or doing something that wasn’t sending a very urgent plea for help to the Princesses.
* * *
Rainbow Dash was a heavy sleeper. Being as athletic as she was required a lot of practice and effort, all of which had to be paid off in solid sleep and a balanced meal schedule.
Her usual day started off with a stretch and small wake-up-warm-up that got her body going. Wing-ups, some squats, a weight or two while rapidly trotting in place were no biggy. A quick shower later she could relax over a tofu salad which she painstakingly prepared the day before, trying her best to make the bland meal have a bit of bite. The spices she used made it taste a bit better than the day before, but she had to admit to herself that she’d probably have to rely on her significant other to do the cooking. Some day. When she’d want to settle down and be boring.
Training right after food was unhealthy, so the pegasus usually lounged around with a book or watched her pet tortoise go about his daily routine, an activity that let her train both her patience and concentration.
Exactly an hour after breakfast, she burst out of her apartment to get down to training proper. With how the area around Ponyville looked, she had a lot more space to practice her speed and endurance. It would probably be fixed by some fancy spell later on, so she had to make the best of it until then.
Rainbow was about to start her routine when a feeling told her something was not right. The sky was unusually void of pegasi and birds. Even smoke from the houses below was absent. Looking down made her gasp and nearly stop flapping her wings in shock.
Ponyville was as flat as a pancake, with all the roads replaced by soapy muck. The ground all around had a black and purple checker pattern on it. The lampposts around town were flexing and stretching into all kinds of bizarre shapes.
“Okay, so I guess this is what ‘Discord gets stoned for good’ day looks like,” smirked Rainbow, cautiously observing a key of what she could only guess were flying ‘No Texture Found’ signs. “At least the castle seems to be alright… And Twilight seems to be on top of things too.”
* * *
“Hey Twi. So when are we stoning Discord?”
The question startled Twilight so much she misstepped. One thing led to another and it was her first Ponyville Winter Wrap-Up all over again, only this time, instead of ice, she frantically danced on a road made of soap.
The checkered ground zipped past at breakneck speed, the alicorn unable to halt her momentum even with her spread wings. She closed her eyes shut as the road neared its end, ready for the inevitable plowing through the ground muzzle-first.
The wind still howled in her ears when she hesitantly opened an eye, surprised at her distance miscalculation. Looking down she suddenly remembered that physics and generally understood reality had no footing in the realm of chaos, letting her continue the soap-propelled journey through the black and purple grounds. The speed was startling and made her eyes water, forcing the mare to shield herself with a wing. She was rapidly climbing a small hill, equal parts afraid and curious of what the skewered rules of friction and gravity would do to her.
Turns out that gravity and momentum worked just fine in the regard of vertical movement. As soon as the ground begun sloping down, Twilight felt the foam at her feet dissolve, leaving her flailing in the air like a trebuchet missile. Air friction took a break for the time being, letting her zoom past cloud level and marvel at the cotton field drifting away from beneath her.
The sun was beautiful from her vantage point, the pink fluff making it seem like it was dusking already. Or maybe it was?
Twilight quickly lost track of time in her ever-climbing journey which already was leaving a majestic condensation trail in her wake. Judging by the angle it was at, she was slowly reaching the apex of her journey, although Celestia knows how far from Ponyville she was already.
Far away in the distance, a rainbow-colored trail burst from the cotton cloud blanket, making a right angle straight for her. It was gaining on Twilight fast.
Before the alicorn could sigh in relief and relax a tiny bit, she felt a weight settle itself on her back, straddling her wings, causing them to fold out fully to her sides and glide slightly.
“See, Auntie? This is fun!” declared Disorder with a wide grin, nuzzling into Twilight’s neck. “I told you chaos is fun! Wanna play a game? Dad told me you’d love it! It’s called ’Grand Theft Alicorn’!”
Twilight only managed a gulp before the mismatched hooves on her wings pushed down on her joints, making her dip straight back into the pink clouds. She closed her eyes and screamed, her mouth immediately stuffed with cotton candy as the two breached the puffy surface and plummeted towards the ground.
Spitting and gasping for air, Twilight had the misfortune of looking straight at the rapidly approaching checkered earth. Even with discordian physics, a harsh mass of ground to the muzzle had no way of being a pleasant experience. Just as she was about to turn into a pancake, her tiny driver pulled up violently, smoothing out the trajectory enough for Twilight to extend her hooves and grab purchase.
Her hooves were immediately wrapped up in foamy bubbles, the wet feeling returning to the frogs of her legs. She didn’t seem to have slowed down and the howling wind nearly made her go deaf. Still…
There was a certain thrill in all this. Beneath the mind-numbing fear of hitting a tree or another pony, or even Disorder deciding to stop the ‘fun’, she was breathless at the feeling of momentum. This was probably the closest she ever came to being as fast as Rainbow Dash. Hay, she was most likely the fastest ground-bound pony alive!
Oh, wait, I’m an alicorn now. I do have wings. Technically, I’m no longer ground bound and whyinthehayarewenotstopp-
Author's Note
Took me long enough!
Oh my? Empty author's notes? NOT! Super Secret Surprise! http://www.steamgifts.com/giveaway/JLbii/bioshock-infinite
