Hi there. My name is Star Shine, and I’m four years old. I'm a good little filly. That's what mom and her friends say. And don't say that's lame, there's nothing wrong with being good! It's good to be good. But sometimes it's boring, like when mom says "Good little fillies eats their broccoli" or "Good little fillies don't play with mud." Sometimes it's just more fun to be naughty. And I can can be naughty if I want to!
Right now, I want to. Because mommy is coming in here soon to say the worst thing. "it’s time for all good little fillies to go to sleep." It’s seven o’clock in the evening. And guess what? I don’t wanna!
And I’m not gonna. And if Mommy’s gonna make me, she’s up for a fight!
I just want to say one thing. I love my mommy. My mommy is the best mommy in the world. Ok, she’s not as awesome as Aunt Rainbow, and she’s not funny like Aunt Pinkie, but she’s still the best. She’s like really really really smart, and she’s pretty, and she only yells at me a little... Oh, and she’s like, the best alicorn in Equestria and she’s a princess and she’s got all those pretty princess friends and I think I’m gonna be a princess too, just like mom! Yeah, being a princess, means you get to wear a crown, and ponies bowing to you and…stuff. Other ponies do what Mommy tell them to do. I guess, mom don't really do that much... But she can if she wants to!
But she’s not going to get ME sleep, just because she say so! I hear hooves in he stairs. Here she comes. I’m doing nothing suspicious, just playing with my train here. “Choo-Choo! Chunkchunkchunkchunk…” I am like a soldier ready for battle. And there's no way you can see that. I'm ready. Mom... let the fun begin. The door opens. There she is.
“Star Shiiiine, now it’s time for all the good little fillies to go to slee-eep!”
General tip. If you don't want to do what mommy says, pretend you didn't hear.
“Hi Mommy!”
“Hi, sweetie. I see you’re having fun. But it’s late, and a busy day tomorrow. Jump into bed now”
“Yes Mom….”
This is my mom. Twilight Sparkle. She’s never naughty. She’s nice almost all the time. Actually, she’s a bit too nice sometimes.
Well, the battle has begun! You might think I'm starting off lame. You may think that it helps to fight back at this moment. Nothing can be more wrong. This early in the evening, mommy is pretty determined to get me to sleep. And therefore, the chance that I will be sent to bed without anything to read and the light off from the start is pretty big. No fighting. Better be nice. Watch this.
“Mommy..? Read me a story?”
Trick #1. Mom loves books. If I want her to read, she never says no. Any book will do, there’s only one thing that counts. The story must be LONG. The longer the better. The longest I made her read once was “The Complete Biography of Starswirl the Bearded with a Complete and Alphabetic Register of His Spells Vol.1-3”. I thought, that being the thickest book Mom has, it would take her the whole night to read! But my plan backfired. I fell asleep after 30 minutes. Not that it stopped Mom. She read the whole book. She was still reading when I woke up. I’m not doing THAT again.
Usually, I want her to read “Peppy Longsocks, the Strongest Filly in the World”! That one’s my favourite! It takes her about 45 minutes to read it. I don't even have to listen the whole time. Alright, seems like the story is finished. Mommy yawns. Time for trick #2.
“Mommy? You know what happened today? You know, I and Golden, we were playing, like, so, and then a big BOAT came down, right out of the sky, and that boat, the captain there, he was hunting for snarks! And he asked if we wanted to join and Golden said yes, but I said that Mommy won’t let me, and then Golden jumped on the boat and I wanted to come as well, so I started to run and then I flew! I flew and flew and flew, and then ZOOM…”
Yeah, you hear. It’s mostly gibberish. But Mom loves to hear me speak. She wants me to develop my language and enrichen my vocabulary. I’m not sure what that means, but at least I can talk as much as I want. She usually tells me to be quiet after ten minutes or so.
“Yes sweetie, that’s really nice. But you need to sleep, and Mommy’s tired as well. Good night, dear.”
“Good night mommy!”
Yeah, Mommy want me to sleep by myself. I don’t really like that… It makes me sad to be alone. But this is a thing to remember. Tears. Very effective, if used properly, but NOT to be overused. Moms grow tired of tears pretty quick. I’ve been there. It’s almost as bad as fighting back. No tears, better let her think I’m going her way. You didn’t think I’ve given up, have you? Hardly. But you need to get them to feel some false safety. About now, Mom has walked down to the couch. And she's sitting down in 5….4…3…2…1… “MOMMY!”
“Yes, what is it, dear?”
“I need to go to the potty!”
Yeah, that one. #3. The oldest trick in the book. But it works. Because if there’s one thing all parents hate, it’s wee-wee on the sheets. And even if she suspects me of faking it, she won’t dare not to give me the potty. Because IF I’m not faking… you get it. This is a bit tricky to achieve sometimes, but I’ve learned. Remember, always have a lot to drink during meals, never be too far away from water… Oh, and then there’s this thing about supper... We usually have soup for supper. I don’t really like soup, but it’s good for one thing… I can’t believe Mommy doesn’t draw any conclusions.
“Alright sweetie, here you go. Can you sit up by yourself?”
“Yeah, I can Mommy! I’m a big filly!”
“Yes you are, dear, yes you are!”
Remember, always refill the cutie quota. The cuter Mom thinks I am, the bigger the chance that she can stand me.
“Are you finished? Good. Nighty night, and sweet dreams, Shiny.”
“Nighty night, Mommy!”
Mommy always empty the potty in the kitchen. She can hear me perfectly in there, but I will wait till she’s out in the living room again, and then…
“MOMMY! I’m thirsty!”
4. This is a bit of a two edged sword. She might say no. But it’s always worth a try. Because if it works, you can do two more things. One: you might think it’s better to drink first and wee-wee later, but that’s just a waste, because if you first wee-wee, then ask for water, you can drink much and then have another wee-wee! Two: ...
Ah, I hear hooves. She got me my drink. It’s nothing fancy, Mommy always brings me a mug of water. But that doesn’t matter. It’s not what’s in the mug that’s important, as long as it’s some kind of liquid…
If she stays to watch me, I drink it all. But if she walks away…
“Here you go sweetie. Good night. Sweet dreams, and put the mug on the floor when you are done”
“I will, Mommy.”
She walked out of my room. That means I can go with alternative two. I also call it trick #5. Accidentally drop the glass that’s...
“Mommy! I spilled! The sheets are wet!”
Yeah. I’m an evil genius. Not sure what that means, but Mommy talked about uncle Discord that way once. He’s really funny. Scary, but funny. He’s staying with aunt Fluttershy. She’s also scary. She may look nice, but she’s SCARY! Have you seen her stare? She was babysitting me once. I tell you, she’s the only adult that got me sleeping in less than 25 minutes.
Mommy walks in, shakes her head, and changes the sheets. That goes pretty quick, she is an alicorn after all.
“Good night, sweetie. Please don’t call for me anymore, because now I’m almost too tired to even walk to my bed.”
“Ok, night Mommy!”
Ok, I should be merciful…. No, I shouldn’t. Because there is actually one thing I need before I can sleep.
“MOMMY! DOG!”
Dog is my doll. She looks more like a cross between an alligator and a windigo, but I call her dog because I want her to be called dog.
“...Yeah yeah, sweetie...I’ll go looking for her…”
Wow, Mommy do sound tired. Poor Mommy.
…
*YAWN*
Noo, I’m tired! I don’t want to go to sleep. And I can’t go to sleep without dog. Where is Mommy? “MOMMY!” It’s like foal abuse to not give your foal what it needs. That must be bad, because Mommy read about it in a paper, and she looked really worried afterwards. Alright, I give her five minutes, then I have to go look for her. “MOMMY!”.
Oh, I have two more tricks by the way, but one of them is not possible anymore and the other one is only for special occasions. The first one is simple. “There’s a monster under my bed!” or, “There’s a lion in my wardrobe!” Then Mommy have to light up her horn and go looking... But I got a new bed and a new room last month. There’s no space under my new bed and my new room doesn’t have a wardrobe. That’s pretty bad. That used to be my big number. I even used to cry a bit.
The other one is when Trixie is here. She’s also the best, she’s...well, she’s not as smart as Mommy, but she can do all these tricks, and she can make Dog dissappear and she’s been to Las Pegasus and...some other place. She’s a showmare… I guess that means she’s showing ponies things. Trixie is Mommy’s marefriend. It means, she’s like my second mommy… but she isn’t here very often. I wish she was here more, because Mommy always looks so happy when she’s here. I want my mommy to be happy. Anyway, when Trixie is here, I can say, “Mommy? I have to say goodnight to Trixie!” or, “Mommy! I need to tell Trixie what I did today with my horn!”. Mommy wants me and Trixie to bond… that means be really great friends I think. I like Trixie. She tells the BEST bedtime stories. Mostly about herself, and she always makes Mommy blush. But she isn’t here tonight. We’re lonely today, me and Mommy.
I want my Mommy to sleep next to me today. Where is she? I guess I have to take a look.
…
Oh. She’s fallen asleep on the floor. I guess its takes its toll to do all that stuff I made her do. She looks pretty funny laying there. Oh! She found Dog! Mommy, you’re the best.
I levitate a blanket over to her, and a pillow.
You know what? I’m going to sleep here, with Mommy. I don’t want her to sleep alone on the floor anyway.
Mommy’s warm. It’s nice. I think I actually can sleep here.
“Mommy?”
“Mmmmm…”
“I love you.”
“I love you too sweetiepumpki….*SNORE*”
My mommy. The best mommy in the world. Good night.
Hi, it's me again! I'm Star Shine, and I'm fiveandahalf years old. I'm grounded. It's the first time I'm grounded and it's not fun. At all. And it's a really great day to, it's sunny, and warm and grandma and grandpa is coming. And Golden, my bestest bestest friend. Mom was really mad at me, she was shouting, calling me a bad filly and all those things she does when she's really angry with somepony. Trixie tried to stop Mommy from shouting, but it didn't work. I'm sad now.
Stupid Mommy.
Mommy is stupid, and Trixie is also stupid. Grandpa is stupid and Grandma is... a bit stupid. Spike is stupid too. He isn't here, but he is stupid too.
It really was Mommys fault. Really! We was sitting outside. Mommy and Trixie was drinking coffee. Trixie was going to watch me because Mommy was going away on a princessthingy. And when mommy came back, Granma and Grandpa was going to come over for Icecream!
Everything would have been great if mommy hadn't got that idea that I should eat something. And if I at least could have had Chocolate pancakes like I wanted.
Mommy wanted me to eat porridge. Icky, thick, gluey porridge. I hate porridge. Mom went inside to dress up, so Trixie was left trying to feed me, but I refused to open my mouth. Mostly because it was icky, but Trixie was fun to watch as well.
"And so...where has the magical spoon decided to show up? In Trixie's hat? No. In this orange? Nooo, there is just a three of clubs. Maybe it is in... your ear!"
I laughed, and clapped my hooves together. I like Trixie.
"And so, the great and powerful Trrrixie will now make the food dissappear... inside your mouth! Here comes the magic spoon..."
"eh... please Trixie! Just one more trick! Please!"
"Well, as much as the great and powerful Trixie enjoys her audience, I did promise Twi to feed you. No more tricks, Shiny. Time for food."
"No". I turned away my head with a sour face.
"Please, Shiny. Eat your food, like a good little filly."
"Uh-uh!"
"But why?"
"Don't wanna."
"Come now, Shiny. This is really tasty."
"You eat it then. I don't wanna."
Now mommy came out. She was wearing her crown. She was so beautiful and pretty and I got so sad that she was going away. I wanted to go to, I definitely didn't want to stay here and eat! Mommy gave Trixie a kiss, but when she wanted to kiss me, I turned away my head.
"Shiny, honey. What's wrong?"
When you want parents to do something that they don't want to, there is really only one thing that works. Make them feel guilty.
"I don't like you, mommy."
Say that with a slight cry in your voice, and your mom is putty in your arms. At least at first. I didn't look at mommy, but I could imagine how sad she looked, because Trixie was the one who spoke.
"Now now, Shiny honey. Don't say those thing to mommy. You know mommy has to do really important stuff today, and she really wants to stay. She will be home as soon as she can."
That sounded pretty reasonable, but I wasn't going to let her off easy.
"You hate me. You both hate me. I want mommy to feed me."
"But shiny, I really can't..."
"WAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Crying. A double-edged sword, as I said. But in this situation it will work perfectly, because mom will be embarrased, and a bit stressed. She will do anything to make me silent. I saw Mommy and Trixie looking very long on each other, and finally mommy sighed.
"Okay...I guess I can be a bit late for the meating. Where's the spoon? Ah, there."
Bugger. the porridge. Half a victory, but so not worth it! It was great that mommy stayed, but now she was going to make me eat! I had to think fast. I didn't know what to do, so I screamed again.
"WAAAAAAHHH!"
"Shiny..." Mommy sounded a bit tired. "Why are you crying."
"Before I eat that icky porridge, I want a worm."
A worm? That's even more nasty than porridge. What was I thinking? Well, mommy and Trixie thought the same.
"You want... a worm?"
"Yes! A worm! I want a worm!"
"But, shiny...really..."
"A Worm!"
"Honey, that's really not..."
"WORM!"
Another look from mom to Trixie. "Alright, alright..." What? Mommy was really starting to look for a worm! That was so funny, I couldn't help giggling. Trixie giggled too, especially when mommy returned with a worm in her magical grip, VERY far from her face. She put it down on the table.
"Ok, Shiny. There's your worm. Now eat your porridge."
"I don't wanna."
"But, shiny..."
"I'm not going to eat the porridge unless mommy eats half the worm first!"
Wow. I had no idea where that came from, and mommy and trixie really looked sick. I was starting to feel a bit bad for them, when mommy got irritated.
"Now, listen here Shiny, this is definitely to much! We have done almost everything and..."
"What is happening here?"
It was mrs. Golden Harvest and her husband. She looked really mad, and her husband had a frown. Mommy looked cofused, I guess you do that when you're disturbed in a scoulding.
"Ehm... My daughter was..." Miss Harvest interupted mom.
"We could hear your voice from over there!" She pointed...somewhere off. "To use that kind of tone to a little filly! You should be ashamed of yourself!"
"But..."
"No buts! There are nothing that excuses that kind of behaviour from a parent. And you, miss Lullamoon, you ought to keep an eye on her. To see that kind of behaviour... and from a princess as well! Shame on you." She turned away, and walked on towards town. Her husband didn't say anything. He just snorted, and followed his wife.
Mommy looked really sad now. Yeah, take that mommy! That's what happens when your mean to your daughter!
"Well... I guess there is just one thing to do then." She took the worm in her magic, spilt it in half and -euch- ate it. Slowly, and she looked almost green. I couldn't help laughing, and so did Trixie. It was a great day, Mommy was here, she was funny, Trixie was here... But it felt like I had forgotten something.
"Now, Shiny...will you PLEASE EAT!"
Oh yeah...the porridge. The icky, nasty, really really disgusting - and now cold- porridge.
"NO! WAAAAAAHHH!"
"WHAT IN EQUESTRIA IS WRONG NOW?"
"Mommy took the half that I wanted to eat!"
And then mommy grounded me. Stupid mom.
Author's Note
I heard this story some years back. I thought it was funny, and I like Star Shine.
