The mildly cliched questby Figment and SpazzChaptersNew Friends and Old EnemiesThere's TWO of them!?The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets SpazzGood news, bad news, and lots of glazingAuthors' note IMPORTANT!New Friends and Old EnemiesChapter 2- New Friends and Old Enemies "Thank you for agreeing to meet on such short notice. I know you're busy with your new... business." "Yes, well, one does what one must." "Indeed." "I assume, from your letter's lack of clearity, that this meeting was more than just a simple reunion." "Oh, it is much more than that." "What, pray tell, is it then?" "An offer." "Of?" "The justice we have been so cruely denied." "... Please, old friend, do continue, I find myself enthralled." --Spazz-- Is there a word for how happy I am right now? Hmm... Spazz thought to himself as he held his long lost favorite cousin. Joy? no... Glee? no... Fantastic? No... Hmm... Well, I guess I'll just have to make one up then... jovivial?... nah... lugubrious? Wait that's the opposite of what I feel... Fantabulostical... there it is! "FANTABULOSTICAL!" He shouted aloud. "Can't... breathe... please... help!" Fluttershy squeaked out in responce. "Spazz!" Figment's voice came frome somewhere off to the side, "Chocolate!" The unicorn looked up to see his friend tossing a candy bar into the air. Dropping his cousin, he jumped into the air and caught it in his mouth. Once it was securely in his mouth, he unwrapped it and began to eat. After a few moments of munching, he realized that some ponies were starting to stare at him, he looked around to find the reason for their appearent confusion. He was still floating a good meter off of the ground, "Oh, yeah, gravity." he said to himself. After he allowed himself to fall back to the ground, the crowd that had gathered began to disperse. He heard some of them nervously whispering about how there was "two of them" or something like that. After finishing his candy, Spazz turned to see Figment giving him a dead pan look. "Hi Figment! Thanks for the chocolate! It's realy good." He said. Figment just sighed and shook his head. What did I do this time? Oh, Fluttershy! He turned around and began trotting over to his still collapsed cousin only to be stopped by a large crimson stallion with a worn looking yoke on his neck. "Jus' what the hay do yah think you're doin'?" He asked angrily. "Ummm... Breathing, metabolizing, existing, creating a gravitational field that affects the rest of the universe in an almost imeasurably small way, creating vibrations in the air that you hear-" "T'aint what ah was talkin' 'bout!" The angry stallion said, cutting him off. Somepony's a little grumpy... I'll call him... Mr. Grumpleton. "Now ah'll ask ya again, what the hay did y'all do to mah marefriend?!" Mr. Grumpleton said while shifting his weight to prepare for a fight. Marefriend?! Fluttershy's got a coltfriend?! MY Flutteshy?! "OHMYGOSHYOUREFLUTTERSHYSCOLTFRIENDTHATSFANTASTICHOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENDATINGWHATSYOURNAMEDOYOULIKEDOUGHNUTSBECAUSEITHINKIHAVEAFEWHUNDREDOFTHEMRIGHTNOW?!" Spazz shouted with glee. The sudden bombardment of noise from the bright orange unicorn caused Mr. Grumpleton to shy back a little. He clearly hadn't been prepared for Spazz to be... well... Spazz. He just stood there looking confusedly at the still expectant unicorn for a moment before shaking his head and bracing for a fight again. "Ah'm thinkin' y'all're gonna wanna get before ah do somthin' ah regret." He said. "But... why?" Spazz sadly asked. All I wanted to do was say sorry. Mr. Grumpleton was clearly done with this conversation. He raised his hoof to through a punch, Spazz braced for impact. This wasn't the first time he'd been punched by a stranger, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. Before the blow came, however, a voice that was immidiately identified as Fluttershy called out, "Big Mac DON'T!" Spazz opened his cleched eyelids to see the cream colored pegasus standing between the two. "He didn't mean to hurt me, we just haven't seen eachother in a long time and he's a bit... exciteable." She squeaked out. "Dear, he just about crushed ya in a death grip." Big Mac/Mr. Grumpleton said. "I didn't mean to!" Spazz shouted in defence. Big Mac regarded Spazz, still unconvinced of his benevolence, then sighed. "Ah'm mighty sorry mister. Ah didn' mean ta snap at ya'll like that, ah've just been under a lotta pressure lately what with AJ havn' her back all torn up." Spazz thought over the apology for a moment. "It's okay, I've been punched by strangers before anyway." "That don' make it any less wrong of me." Big Mac said with guilt clearly showing in his expression, he extended his hoof, "Wanna start fresh?" Spazz reached into his mane, retrieved a doughnut and placed it in the outstreched hoof with a smile. The large stallion stopped and regarded the pastry with confusion for a moment before Figment chuckled a bit, "He must really like you. Spazz is quite protective of his pastries." "Right-o old chum!" Spazz said. There was a moment of silence before Big Mac looked up and said "Thank ya kindly, but ah gotta get back to the stand for a while. Ah hope to see ya'll later." He gave Fluttershy a small kiss on the cheek, then disappeared back into the crowd, leaving the three ponies to talk. "I'm sorry," Figment said looking to Fluttershy, "but I seem not to have gotten your name." She blushed then muttered something. "Come again?" She murmured again, still unable to be understood. Spazz knew it was hard for her to talk to new ponies, so he tried to help her out, "It's okay Fluttershy. He's nice! I've been living with him since my mom and dad kicked me out." The mare tried again and managed, this time, to squeak out a barely audible, "I'm Fluttershy." "It's nice to meet you Fluttershy." "N-nice to meet you t-to." She said, still nervous. There was another akward silence before Fluttershy turned to Spazz, "It's been so long since I've seen you. How are you?" She asked. "Well, I got us kicked out of Stalliongrad and spent all of our bit's on doughnuts, so we needed a place to stay for a while. So we thought for a litte bit and then I realized GASP! I haven't seen Fluttershy for a long time! Then I thought OOH maybe she'll know where we can stay and then that happened." Spazz explained. Flutteshy just giggled a little, "Well, I do have an extra room at my cottage thanks to the low number of creatures needing care lately. You can stay there as long as you like." She said with a smile. Spazz jumped up and down, squealing with glee, then jumped around singing, "I get to stay with Fluttershy! I get to stay with Fluttershy! I get to stay with Fluttershy!" Figment simply nodded at her and said "You have my deepest thanks, Madame." "You're welcome." The timid mare whispered in responce. "Is there anything we can do to repay you?" "N-no thanks... thats fine." "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose." "Y-yeah, it's fine." Sometime during this exchange, something caught Spazz's eye and distracted him from the conversation. This is nothing new for him, his attention span was only about 32.17892 seconds long. What made this distraction different was the cause of it: he was awestruck. Before him, was a beautiful pink earth pony mare with a darker pink mane bouncing towards his group. He had no idea why, but she just gave off this feeling of complete 'fantastijoyfulness', as he called it, that made his heart beat even faster than normal. Until now, Spazz had never really given much thought to romance. That isn't to say he didn't want it; he just couldn't seem to find the right pony. In all honesty, Figment and Fluttershy were the only two ponies to ever tolerate him very well at all, and since he had been kicked out of the family and couldn't find Fluttershy, he had always lived with Figment. Sometimes he'd even heard of rumors around their various communities that he and his friend were lovers. While Spazz had no problem with homosexuality, it simply didn't appeal to him. He saw the philosopher as more of a brother than a possible love interest, but he understood the reasoning behind such thoughts, however untrue they were. As the pink mare drew closer, Spazz started to feel something else that was new to him, My feet feel all tingly and my stomach feels like it's trying to jump out of my mouth. What is this shenanigans? Stop it! I want to say hi to her, stomach, but if you're in my mouth I can't do that! Knees! Why are you shaking?! It is not even cold outside! Stomach! I swear to Celestia, if you don't go back to your room right now you're grounded! As he continued to lecture his entrails and limbs, the pink mare arrived. "Hi Fluttershy." She greeted before turning to the two colts and gasping loudly. "Are you new in Ponyville? I bet you're new! I know everypony here and I've never seen you two before! *GASP* We need to throw you a 'welcome to Ponyville' party! Wait, theres two of you... mabye we could have TWO 'Welcome to Ponyville' parties! That would be so awsome, wouldn't it? huh huh huh?" She said in one breath. She spoke to you. Quickly! Say something, ANYTHING! "Diphthong." Nailed it! There's TWO of them!?Chapter 3- There's TWO of them?! "Hello sir, and welcome to Mystique's Mystical Odds and Ends, is there something in particular you're looking for?" "As a matter of fact, there is." "Well, I'd be glad to help." "I am seeking a map." "Well, I'm not in the cartography business." "Oh, I know. I also know that you posses the map I seek. You see, that map is rightfuly mine. It was stolen from me long ago, and I want it back." "... How-" "-Did I find you and my map? Oh, I've known for years, however, I only recently developed a use for it again." "I'm afraid I can't allow that, sir." "Really now? Who's going to stop me?" "I a-" "Huul TEM!" "Wh-what is-? "That, madame, was what is called a command. Your father was one of the only beings powerful enough to disobay them. If you must know, that command means 'halt.' It always has been one of my favorites." "..." "Ah, there it is. Thank you for keeping it in such great condition. I'm surprised your pathetic wretch of a father didn't burn it behind Celestia's back." "Don't you DARE speak of him like that!" "I was going to offer you a chance to take my side in the comming war. Maybe even a spot on my council once I take the throne... but your words have cost you dearly... Don Sedrax!" -Figment- This week is turning out to be far more eventful than I had hoped. First, Spazz gets us kicked out of another city; then, he introduces a cousin that is absolutely nothing like him; now, there's... TWO! That was the only way Figment could think of to describe his current situation. And here I was, thinking that perhaps this place would offer a bit more peace than Stalliongrad. The pegasus silently lamented. Figment prepared to excuse himself from the group to continue his writting when he noticed something... out of place. Looking at his collegue, Spazz, he saw an expression on his face that the philosopher was, until now, unsure the unicorn was capable of: anxiety. Most wouldn't have noticed the small changes in demenor that signaled the change, but then again, most hadn't spent about half of their lives with Spazz. The rhythm with which he spoke was off, ever so slightly; his legs were completely still; and there was an almost invisible amount of sweat forming just under the afro. What could be so mind numbing as to drive Spazz to such a state? Figment wondered to himself, Is it possible that the mare is causing it? Is Spazz, the pony who was shunned from his family for his obnoxiousness, smitten by what appears to be his female doppelganger? If so, is it a good or bad thing? A relationship may serve as an outlet for his hyperactivity, but this mare may just end up encouraging him. "Figment!" Spazz whined, interrupting his train of thought, "Why you no answer?" "Oh, my apologies, Spazz. I was lost in my thoughts, what were you saying?" The strange pink mare, Pinkie Pie, answered in a sing song tone that almost perfectly mirrored Spazz's except a few octaves higher, "Oh, I was wondering why you were being so quiet for so long. Spazz said that it was because you were philosophisizing, and I thought that was pretty cool so I wanted to know what you were philosophisizing about, but you wouldn't answer, so Spazz was all 'Figment! Why you no answer?' and then we went through this." "Philosophisizing isn't a word Pinkie. The word is philosophize." Another mare's voice came from somewhere behind Figment. "Hi Twilight!" Pinky shouted, "Have you met our new friends?" As Figment turned around he saw a lavender unicorn with a mane that was almost black, save for a single pink highlight. Perched on her back as a small dragon whose body was mostly similar in color, perhaps a little brighter purple, but had green spines on his head. She looked at Figment, then Spazz and said, "I don't believe I have. Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle." "My name is Figment. It's nice to meet you." "I'm Spazz and I have doughnuts!" He said as he reached into his mane. Twilight shyed away from the sight, only to be shocked further when the unicorn brought a large suitcase out instead. "Wait... What? How did... you can't just... that shouldn't be..." Twilight sputtered. The dragon that was on her back looked at her with concern, "I think he broke Twilight." "NEW HIGH SCORE!" Spazz shouted with glee. Figment looked around at the group of ponies he was surrounded by: Spazz was doing what Figment assumed to be a victory dance with Pinkie Pie, both of which were singing; Twilight was still sputtering broken attempts at comprehention of Spazz; Spike and Fluttershy were trying to snap Twilight out of it. At that, he took to wing and flew to the peacefull looking park he'd seen on the way there. Just another day. -Pinkie Pie- "OOH OOH! What else do you keep in there?" Pinkie asked her new friend, Spazz. She was having a ton of fun, so much fun that she had yet to notice her other friend, Twilight Sparkle, babbling about his appearent rejection of the laws of physics. He put his hoof to his chin, "Well... just about everything I need. I've got food, shelter, tungstine, seeds, clothes, a blow torch, some nunchucks, a small herd of moose, and a bunch of other stuff." "WHAT?!" Twilight's shout got Pinkie's attention, "That isn't possible! Your mane may be large, but a herd of moose would not fit in that!" She punctuated the statement with an accusative hoof pointed at his mane. Spazz was completely unfazed by this, "Somepony's being kinda cranky, I think somepony needs a hug." he said as he streched his forelegs to give the lavender unicorn a hug. "NONONO!" She shouted in panic, "I'm fine." "Awwwww." Spazz slumped down a little. "I want a hug!" Pinkie immidately said. "Yay!" Spazz rejoyced as he embraced her. As Pinkie held on she found herself feeling something that she hadn't felt in a long loooooooooong time. It was a feeling she'd almost forgotten, that slight burning sensation in her cheeks. She was blushing. Why am I blushing like this? It's nothing to be embarrased about, he's my friend and I made him smile. She reasoned with herself. As the embrace ended, she looked at Spazz and saw that he was blushing to. They stood there in an akward silence for a moment until they realized that it had become just that... silent. The two looked at their three companions remaining to see a mix of reactions. Fluttershy was smiling broadly at her cousin, Twilight was starring at the two with wide eyes, and Spike, being the slightly immature dragon he was, was rolling on the ground laughing. "What did I do?" Spazz asked. Spike was quick to answer, "You found yourself a new friend." He emphassized the last word in a rather suggestive way. Spazz was silent for a moment, contemplating the implications of Spike's words. He then squeaked in a way that seemed to prove his relation to Fluttershy and jumped up into his mane. Literaly, he just jumped up and was enveloped by the thing. Pinky did just about the same thing when the implications hit her like a brick wall. "Spike! They just met!" Twilight scolded before Pinkie had the chance to do so herself. "Hey, you were all thinking it!" Spike petulently replied. "I wasn't!" Spazz said, "I was thinking about tacos!" Pinkie chuckled at the sudden outburst. Then her stomach rumbled angrily. "I think it's time for lunch. You guys wanna come have lunch with me?" Pinkie asked. "Um... okay." Fluttershy said quietly, "That is... if that's okay with you." "I guess I can." Twilight agreed. "Nom nom?" Spazz asked. "Nom nom." Pinkie affirmed. "YAY! I'm in!" he happily sang. Pinkie Pie just laughed. She didn't know why, but she didn't have to. She was the element of laughter and she had a new friend. Perhaps that is reason enough. The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets SpazzChapter 4: The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets Spazz -Oreo- Oreo Cookie's mother and father, Chocolate Chip and Hazelnut, once told him that they named him Oreo because, when he was born, he made their lives sweeter. When he heard this, he laughed in their faces. You see, Oreo isn't known for his kindness, in fact, he's known for being a sarcastic ass. Even his cutie mark, an explosion in the shape of a middle finger, showed his attitude toward the rest of the world. While most ponies lack the ability to make this resounding "buck you" that dragons and other races with fingers can, it has been adopted into pony culture and is usually demonstrated with a shaking of a hoof in a similar position. Oreo's philosophy in life: "Buck all the things, all the time, in all the places" made him a bit of an outcast from society, but even isolated outasts need to make money. So, he took a job that he found he was rather good at: bounty hunting. He found that, while he had nothing but disdain for law and order, he had a way with screwing ponies over. This morning, Oreo was partaking in his favorite passtime: being a prick to everypony around him. As he stormed down the Manehattan side walk going in the opposite direction of the other traffic, he bore his trademark slightly annoyed look on his face. It only took him five minutes to run directly into a rather muscular stallion. "Watch where you're going, idiot." The Stallion said, his voice was deep and gruff. Oreo wasn't the tallest or strongest of ponies, in fact, he was fairly scrawny. So, naturally, the stallion expected an apology from the unicorn. This stallion was startled when Oreo stood on his hind legs and put his hooves up for a fight. Most Ponies didn't fight on their hind legs, but then again, most ponies didn't have a job where a fight for your life was expected. "Come at me, bro!" Oreo shouted. The mucular oaf gladly obliged him, charging foreward with no idea what he was doing. Oreo simply moved a bit to the side, and the stallion ran right past him. At this point, the crowd around them had spread out and were watching the fight unfold. I'll make this quick. Oreo thought to himself with a chuckle. He jumped toward the stallion in a flying side kick. When the hoof made contact with the offender's jaw, it was over. The poor bastard was out cold. Oreo shrugged at the unconsious pony before him. Meh, I'm hungry. I wonder if Doughnut Joe's is open. As a matter of fact, it was. -Spazz- Food! I like food. Spazz thought to himself as he followed his new friend, Pinkie Pie, to the resteraunt for lunch, Twilight and Fluttershy in tow. This thought only occupied his mind for a few short moments before, as always, it was replaced with something else. In this case, the replacement thought was about the swirly purple mane on the snow-white unicorn walking toward the group. "Hi Rarity!" Pinkie chirped. "Oh, hello Pinkie Pie. How are you dear?" The swirly mane pony, Rarity, replied in a voice that Spazz had heard from a lot of ponies that Figment talked to about books. He didn't like most of them, they were usually pompous windbags and pompous windbags bothered him. You couldn't be loud around them. "I'm great! Have you met Spazz? We're on our way to get lunch." Pinkie asked jesturing to Spazz. How is her mane so twirly? It looks kinda like a waterslide, but it's too small for ponies to use. Maybe parasprites, they'd be small enough to use it. I wonder how long she has to work on it to make that twirl. It looks kinda like a little ramp my pet mongoose Reginald would use. "I'm afraid I haven't." She said eyeing his mane aprehensively, "It's nice to meet you, I am Rarity. I must say, your mane's style is quite... interesting." Spazz smiled at what he assumed was a complement, "Thanks, I'm Spazz and your mane is very swirly. It kinda remindes me of my old mongoose, Reginald. He was nice." "Thank... you?" "You're welcome. Maybe we should-*GASP* WHERE'S FIGMENT?!" Spazz hadn't noticed him walk/fly off. "Who?" The twirly lady asked. "OHMYGOSHILOSTFIGMENTANDIMIGHTNEVERSEEHIMAGINHEWASLIKEMYBESTFRIENDANDWEWEREGONNAHAVEDOUGHNUTSTOGETHERLATERHOWAMIGONNAEATALLOFTHESEDOUGHNUTSNOW?!" Spazz bawled. "Wh-what?" Miss Rarity lady asked, mildly freightened, "I don't understand what's happening." Without answering, Fluttershy flew to his side and began to confort him, "It's okay Spazz, he'll be back... I know he will." "But, what if he doesn't?!" Spazz paniced, "It'll be just like when Reginald left me! Oh, Regy why did you have to go so soon?! Why is it that the brightest lights are always the first to die out?! Oh, cruel fate! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" "Is he lamenting Reginald again?" A calm voice came from just above them. "FIGMENT!" Spazz cried as he intercepted his friend mid-air with a relieved hug, "FIGMENTITHOUGHTYOUMIGHTHAVELEFTMELIKEALLTHEOTHERSDIDANDIWASSOSCARED!" "Why would you think that?" Spazz immidiately ceased his wailing to think. "Hmmm... I'm not quite sure. Oh well! Time for food." He then jumped up and continued walking in the directon of the resteraunt, completely forgetting the ordeal that had just transpired. --Figment-- Slightly frazzled, but not at all surprised by Spazz's outburst, Figment turned to introduce himself to the white unicorn mare that had recently joined the group. "Afternoon, madame. My name is Figment, collegue-slash-foalsitter of that overzealous unicorn there." Figment gestured to Spazz, who was still trotting away. "Oh, aren't we the gentlecolt?" Rarity said, shocked but not at all displeased by the contrast between this new stallion and the orange one that she just met. "I am Miss Rarity, curator of the Carousel Boutique, and Premier Fasionista of Poniville! How do you do?" While Figment thought that this Rarity character had addressed him almost too politely, he let it drop for the moment. Bowing, he replied, "Fine thank you." Remebering Spazz, he added, "I hate to bother you, but that orange unicorn there, where is he going and why is he unattended?" "Oh, his name is Spazz is it?" Rarity replied, but before she could go on, Spazz abrduptly came up from behind them, despite being at the head of the group a few seconds before: "Actually, my full name is Spazztic Michealangelo Shenanigans, but that's far too long for my tastes, so I usually go by 'Spazz'! Actually, my last name used to be Aetherios, but my mom and dad were all 'Spazz! Little nobles do not set fire to the imported cheeses!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not store squirrels in their manes!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not have afros!' Eventually they told me to go away and never come back... ever. So I did! And then the good times rolled." "Aetherios? As in... the Aetherios? You mean to tell me that you're from the Noble House of Aetherios in Canterlot?!" Rarity asked, amazed. "Past-tense. Nowadays I come from the Not-quite-so-noble-but-just-as-housey house of Shenanigans!" Spazz proudly declared. Figment saw Rarity swoon, and jumped fourth to catch her. "It appears that she's heard of your family, Old Friend. What do you have to say to that?" "If we were to make a book out of burritos, would it be both delicious and educational?" He ran foreward to discuss the ramifications of a "book-rrito" with Pinkie. Good news, bad news, and lots of glazingChapter 1: Good news, bad news, and lots of glazing Figment At two o'clock in the afternoon, a dark blue pegasus arrived at a specific and memorable tree in Stalliongrad Central Park. This place had always been as close to a sanctuary as he had ever been able to find. Sitting under the tree's generous shade, the pegasus sat his bag at his side and adjusted his black vest. Taking a deep breath of the fresh park air, pulled his pocket watch out of his vest and checked the time. He had about three hours until he needed to start heading home to cook dinner. With this in mind, he reached into his bag and procured his most prized possessions: an enchanted tome that never ran out of blank pages, and a silver pen that was enchanted to have endless ink. The pegasus began to write, but was interrupted by another pegasus calling down from a nearby cloud, "Hey Figment! When are ya gonna figure out that books are the wimpy unicorn's jobs?" Figment sighed inwardly at the mind blowing ignorance of the question. "Considering the fact that, by accepting the idea behind your question as truth, I would have to deal with you and countless other dolts like you... I'd have to say never." At that, he went back to his writing. He'd always been an anomaly when it came to "being a pegasus." Figment was not an athlete. It wasn't that he lacked the ability, but that the prospect of being one simply never appealed to him. He fancied himself as more of a philosopher; it was all too fitting of his coat's near prefect impression of a starless night sky. Philosophy, to him, was all an act of perception; a trick between the views posed by society and the views of the individual. It was his job to examine both and, from that, discern the truth, hence the prismatic eye that adorned his flank. Within minutes the author was so engrossed in his work that he failed to no tice the violet pink puff that had just phased into existence with a slight "pop." It floated just behind him for a few moments then seemingly inflated to a spherical cloud about twice the size of Figment's head. Suddenly, a bright almost irritatingly orange unicorn fell from the cluster with a thud with the cloud resting proudly on top of his head. "OHMYGOSHFIGMENTIHAVEGOODNEWSANDBADNEWSWHICHONEDOYOUWANTFIRST?!" The strange colt said. Figment didn't even turn around to look at his colleague as he calmly responded, "Both at the same time." The unicorn reached into his afro and triumphantly retrieved a tape recorder. "I thought you might say that." He pushed play and began to speak along with the recording. The noise that ensued probably couldn't be passed off as language, and many of the bystanders were looking over to the sudden influx of sound that had just taken place. When the gibberish ceased, Figment turned to face his comrade with a small smile. "Okay, Spazz, you win. What's the news?" "Well... the bad news is that we may have been evicted from the apartment." Figment remained unimpressed, "What...Again? What did you do this time?" "I think the 'Taco Tuesday' incident was the last straw." "That would make sense, I'm still finding corn chips in places I never knew I had." The unicorn's broad smile remained unbroken, "The good news is that I met this one dapper guy in a tuxedo, I think he was a secret agent or something, but he gave me a great deal on some doughnuts! Three bits for a dozen! He was very suave." At that, he proudly reached into his mane and retrieved a pink box that was assumed to contain said pastries. "Well," Figment said with a shake of his head, "It's good to know your priorities are straight." After a moment of silence a sudden realization hit the dark pegasus, "Wait, wasn't that the last complex in the city we hadn't been banned from?" "Yep." Spazz chirped, clearly not seeing a problem with this. It wasn't the first time they'd had to leave a city for something like this. In all honesty, it wasn't even the fifth time. After a moment of thought, Figment looked to his colleague again, "How many cities have we be-" "Twelve and a half." Spazz immediately replied. "Twelve and a half?" the pegasus asked, confused, "How does the half work?" "Remember Manehattan with the whole-" "Ugh, don't remind me" "Want a doughnut?" With a sigh, Figment accepted the pastry. If I'm going to have to find a new house, I may as well have eaten first. He sat down to begin eating. Spazz had apparently eaten already, he began bouncing around and humming some unknown tune. Figment looked up at his friend once the doughnut was consumed and asked, "Where do you think we should go now?" Spazz inexplicably stopped in midair, seeming to ponder the question. "Where can we go for free?" He wondered aloud. "Why would it need to be free?" Spazz rolled his eyes, "Because I spent all our bits on doughnuts... DUH." For the first time he could remember, Figment found himself furious at the impulsive unicorn. Usually, he was able to put up with his hijinks, but had simply gone too far. "EXCUSE ME?!" Spazz was unfazed by this uncharacteristic display, "I spent all the money!!" he shouted, extending his forelegs to each side. "Where are we supposed to live, and how are we going to cover other costs?!" "Huh," the unicorn said in a thoughtful tone, "Let me thiiiiiinnnnn-OHMAHGOSHIDEA!" While hesitant to listen to another one of Spazz's... unique... ideas didn't appeal to him, Figment decided it couldn't hurt to hear him out on this. "Let's have it." "Mah famileh can help meh!" "I thought they you shunned, and said to never come anywhere near them... ever." "Most of them did, yeah," Spazz said, his optimism suddenly wavering, then his head perked up again, “But one of my cousins never did! She's really nice! There was this one time, at hearth's warming eve where I was playing with her in the snow and..." The rambling story faded into the background as Figment thought about the idea. Until now, all he knew about his colleague’s family was that they had been very judgmental and intolerant of the unicorn's eccentric ways. Most ponies were, as well. There had been several occasions where the pegasus had been asked how he dealt with it, and his response was always the same: He may not be the smartest, he may not have the best judgment, and he may not be quiet or still for more than a few seconds at a time; but he has one thing that makes him indispensable to me: Creativity. It didn't hurt that, once you got used to it, he also had a way of making almost any situation entertaining in some way or another. Perhaps this cousin of his saw the same things in him that I see. If she did, it would give me a lot more time alone. Even I need my peace sometimes. "...And then she said 'Those weren't nachos, they were poisonous jelly!' and boy was my face red!" Spazz concluded his story. Jarred from his inner monologue Figment addressed his friend, "Alright, we don't really have any other options. Where does she live?" "A small town called Ponyville." "Why does every city have to have some sort of equine pun or something in the name?" This had been bothering the author for quite some time, "Is it just to remind us what sort of creature we are? We all know we're horses, why can't we just name a place for something besides that?" "Because we're ponies... that's just how we roll." Spazz crossed his front legs in a mock 'rapper' pose to emphasize that last point. Another defeated sigh, "I assume you already have our things packed away for the trip, somehow." Spazz gestured to his mane "You betcha!" Nopony quite knew how that unicorn managed to store such a vast array of items in that mane of his. Figment had repeatedly tried, and failed, to obtain an answer to his methodology, but he never got one more detailed than "Stuff goes in... stuff comes out... I can't explain that." That was why the question of the "all knowing 'fro" was on Figment's list of questions the universe wasn't yet willing to yield answers to. Most of the list had something to do with Spazz in some way. Sometimes Figment guessed that violating the laws of nature was his special talent, after all, nopony knew what his cutie mare was, let alone what it meant. Some thought it was just a design, but to Figment, it looked like a strange contorted face. (Please read the following in a British accent, thank you): At this point we, the authors, would like to skip the whole long and rather drawn out description of Spazz's cutie mark and simply state what it truly is: a troll face. Why the skip? Because we're kinda lazy and want to get on with writing the fun parts of the story sooner. Why didn't you have Figment or Spazz know what a troll face was? Allow us to answer THAT with a question of our own: Why would a race of ponies that live on a world with neither internet connections nor humans recognize a human internet meme such as troll face? Why does Spazz have a troll face cutie mark? Because shut up. It's our story and we'll do with it as we please! Thank you for your time. "Ready to go, ol' pal ol' buddy of mine?" Spazz asked, still bouncing around. Figment shrugged, "Why not?" "Well, either of us could be tired or hurt or sick or hungry or-" "Why did I even bother?" As he followed his brightly colored friend, Figment realized he hadn't gotten this pony's name yet. He shrugged it off, thinking to himself, All in good time, I suppose. Fluttershy Today was shaping up to be a great day for one timid pegasus in particular. The woodland creatures she was caring for were all tended to for the day, and it wasn't even lunch time yet. Fluttershy had decided to take this opportunity to go see her coltfriend. Just thinking of him made her smile. He was so kind and gentle, yet strong and brave. It had surprised her when he asked her out, he could've had any mare in Ponyville if he wanted. Arriving in the market, she looked around at the seemingly endless sea of ponies scurrying from one stall to another, making various purchases or talking with various friends. After a few moments of searching she saw the highly decorated apple cart. She began to trot happily towards the cart but before she could go to her "Mic Mac" as she called him, she saw another colt and stopped dead in her tracks. The violet-pink afro brought back memories from a long forgotten foalhood. When he finally came into full view, she could feel her eyes widen, half from excitement and half from fear. She locked eyes with her old cousin. After a moment of regarding her from a distance, he squealed with glee and scurried towards her... babbling jumbled and ecstatic greetings all the way. Even though she knew what was coming, Fluttershy could only manage a startled squeak before she the tackle hug suddenly overcame her. "Cousin Fluttershy! Oh, how I've missed you so!" he shouted, as the hug grew tighter. Maybe it wasn't such a good day, after all... Authors' note IMPORTANT!Dear Reader(s) (I'm unsure how many people actually read this.), I am doing this for two reasons: 1) I am not that great a imagry 2) I can So, here are pictures of the OCs that will be present in the story. Figment and the other one (No spoiler names) are from ponymaker. Spazz was drawn for me as a birthday gift by Jeffytastic. Danke Jeffy! Figment: Spazz: New unknown pony doing a flying side kick! Buck yeah!
New Friends and Old EnemiesChapter 2- New Friends and Old Enemies "Thank you for agreeing to meet on such short notice. I know you're busy with your new... business." "Yes, well, one does what one must." "Indeed." "I assume, from your letter's lack of clearity, that this meeting was more than just a simple reunion." "Oh, it is much more than that." "What, pray tell, is it then?" "An offer." "Of?" "The justice we have been so cruely denied." "... Please, old friend, do continue, I find myself enthralled." --Spazz-- Is there a word for how happy I am right now? Hmm... Spazz thought to himself as he held his long lost favorite cousin. Joy? no... Glee? no... Fantastic? No... Hmm... Well, I guess I'll just have to make one up then... jovivial?... nah... lugubrious? Wait that's the opposite of what I feel... Fantabulostical... there it is! "FANTABULOSTICAL!" He shouted aloud. "Can't... breathe... please... help!" Fluttershy squeaked out in responce. "Spazz!" Figment's voice came frome somewhere off to the side, "Chocolate!" The unicorn looked up to see his friend tossing a candy bar into the air. Dropping his cousin, he jumped into the air and caught it in his mouth. Once it was securely in his mouth, he unwrapped it and began to eat. After a few moments of munching, he realized that some ponies were starting to stare at him, he looked around to find the reason for their appearent confusion. He was still floating a good meter off of the ground, "Oh, yeah, gravity." he said to himself. After he allowed himself to fall back to the ground, the crowd that had gathered began to disperse. He heard some of them nervously whispering about how there was "two of them" or something like that. After finishing his candy, Spazz turned to see Figment giving him a dead pan look. "Hi Figment! Thanks for the chocolate! It's realy good." He said. Figment just sighed and shook his head. What did I do this time? Oh, Fluttershy! He turned around and began trotting over to his still collapsed cousin only to be stopped by a large crimson stallion with a worn looking yoke on his neck. "Jus' what the hay do yah think you're doin'?" He asked angrily. "Ummm... Breathing, metabolizing, existing, creating a gravitational field that affects the rest of the universe in an almost imeasurably small way, creating vibrations in the air that you hear-" "T'aint what ah was talkin' 'bout!" The angry stallion said, cutting him off. Somepony's a little grumpy... I'll call him... Mr. Grumpleton. "Now ah'll ask ya again, what the hay did y'all do to mah marefriend?!" Mr. Grumpleton said while shifting his weight to prepare for a fight. Marefriend?! Fluttershy's got a coltfriend?! MY Flutteshy?! "OHMYGOSHYOUREFLUTTERSHYSCOLTFRIENDTHATSFANTASTICHOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENDATINGWHATSYOURNAMEDOYOULIKEDOUGHNUTSBECAUSEITHINKIHAVEAFEWHUNDREDOFTHEMRIGHTNOW?!" Spazz shouted with glee. The sudden bombardment of noise from the bright orange unicorn caused Mr. Grumpleton to shy back a little. He clearly hadn't been prepared for Spazz to be... well... Spazz. He just stood there looking confusedly at the still expectant unicorn for a moment before shaking his head and bracing for a fight again. "Ah'm thinkin' y'all're gonna wanna get before ah do somthin' ah regret." He said. "But... why?" Spazz sadly asked. All I wanted to do was say sorry. Mr. Grumpleton was clearly done with this conversation. He raised his hoof to through a punch, Spazz braced for impact. This wasn't the first time he'd been punched by a stranger, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. Before the blow came, however, a voice that was immidiately identified as Fluttershy called out, "Big Mac DON'T!" Spazz opened his cleched eyelids to see the cream colored pegasus standing between the two. "He didn't mean to hurt me, we just haven't seen eachother in a long time and he's a bit... exciteable." She squeaked out. "Dear, he just about crushed ya in a death grip." Big Mac/Mr. Grumpleton said. "I didn't mean to!" Spazz shouted in defence. Big Mac regarded Spazz, still unconvinced of his benevolence, then sighed. "Ah'm mighty sorry mister. Ah didn' mean ta snap at ya'll like that, ah've just been under a lotta pressure lately what with AJ havn' her back all torn up." Spazz thought over the apology for a moment. "It's okay, I've been punched by strangers before anyway." "That don' make it any less wrong of me." Big Mac said with guilt clearly showing in his expression, he extended his hoof, "Wanna start fresh?" Spazz reached into his mane, retrieved a doughnut and placed it in the outstreched hoof with a smile. The large stallion stopped and regarded the pastry with confusion for a moment before Figment chuckled a bit, "He must really like you. Spazz is quite protective of his pastries." "Right-o old chum!" Spazz said. There was a moment of silence before Big Mac looked up and said "Thank ya kindly, but ah gotta get back to the stand for a while. Ah hope to see ya'll later." He gave Fluttershy a small kiss on the cheek, then disappeared back into the crowd, leaving the three ponies to talk. "I'm sorry," Figment said looking to Fluttershy, "but I seem not to have gotten your name." She blushed then muttered something. "Come again?" She murmured again, still unable to be understood. Spazz knew it was hard for her to talk to new ponies, so he tried to help her out, "It's okay Fluttershy. He's nice! I've been living with him since my mom and dad kicked me out." The mare tried again and managed, this time, to squeak out a barely audible, "I'm Fluttershy." "It's nice to meet you Fluttershy." "N-nice to meet you t-to." She said, still nervous. There was another akward silence before Fluttershy turned to Spazz, "It's been so long since I've seen you. How are you?" She asked. "Well, I got us kicked out of Stalliongrad and spent all of our bit's on doughnuts, so we needed a place to stay for a while. So we thought for a litte bit and then I realized GASP! I haven't seen Fluttershy for a long time! Then I thought OOH maybe she'll know where we can stay and then that happened." Spazz explained. Flutteshy just giggled a little, "Well, I do have an extra room at my cottage thanks to the low number of creatures needing care lately. You can stay there as long as you like." She said with a smile. Spazz jumped up and down, squealing with glee, then jumped around singing, "I get to stay with Fluttershy! I get to stay with Fluttershy! I get to stay with Fluttershy!" Figment simply nodded at her and said "You have my deepest thanks, Madame." "You're welcome." The timid mare whispered in responce. "Is there anything we can do to repay you?" "N-no thanks... thats fine." "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose." "Y-yeah, it's fine." Sometime during this exchange, something caught Spazz's eye and distracted him from the conversation. This is nothing new for him, his attention span was only about 32.17892 seconds long. What made this distraction different was the cause of it: he was awestruck. Before him, was a beautiful pink earth pony mare with a darker pink mane bouncing towards his group. He had no idea why, but she just gave off this feeling of complete 'fantastijoyfulness', as he called it, that made his heart beat even faster than normal. Until now, Spazz had never really given much thought to romance. That isn't to say he didn't want it; he just couldn't seem to find the right pony. In all honesty, Figment and Fluttershy were the only two ponies to ever tolerate him very well at all, and since he had been kicked out of the family and couldn't find Fluttershy, he had always lived with Figment. Sometimes he'd even heard of rumors around their various communities that he and his friend were lovers. While Spazz had no problem with homosexuality, it simply didn't appeal to him. He saw the philosopher as more of a brother than a possible love interest, but he understood the reasoning behind such thoughts, however untrue they were. As the pink mare drew closer, Spazz started to feel something else that was new to him, My feet feel all tingly and my stomach feels like it's trying to jump out of my mouth. What is this shenanigans? Stop it! I want to say hi to her, stomach, but if you're in my mouth I can't do that! Knees! Why are you shaking?! It is not even cold outside! Stomach! I swear to Celestia, if you don't go back to your room right now you're grounded! As he continued to lecture his entrails and limbs, the pink mare arrived. "Hi Fluttershy." She greeted before turning to the two colts and gasping loudly. "Are you new in Ponyville? I bet you're new! I know everypony here and I've never seen you two before! *GASP* We need to throw you a 'welcome to Ponyville' party! Wait, theres two of you... mabye we could have TWO 'Welcome to Ponyville' parties! That would be so awsome, wouldn't it? huh huh huh?" She said in one breath. She spoke to you. Quickly! Say something, ANYTHING! "Diphthong." Nailed it!
There's TWO of them!?Chapter 3- There's TWO of them?! "Hello sir, and welcome to Mystique's Mystical Odds and Ends, is there something in particular you're looking for?" "As a matter of fact, there is." "Well, I'd be glad to help." "I am seeking a map." "Well, I'm not in the cartography business." "Oh, I know. I also know that you posses the map I seek. You see, that map is rightfuly mine. It was stolen from me long ago, and I want it back." "... How-" "-Did I find you and my map? Oh, I've known for years, however, I only recently developed a use for it again." "I'm afraid I can't allow that, sir." "Really now? Who's going to stop me?" "I a-" "Huul TEM!" "Wh-what is-? "That, madame, was what is called a command. Your father was one of the only beings powerful enough to disobay them. If you must know, that command means 'halt.' It always has been one of my favorites." "..." "Ah, there it is. Thank you for keeping it in such great condition. I'm surprised your pathetic wretch of a father didn't burn it behind Celestia's back." "Don't you DARE speak of him like that!" "I was going to offer you a chance to take my side in the comming war. Maybe even a spot on my council once I take the throne... but your words have cost you dearly... Don Sedrax!" -Figment- This week is turning out to be far more eventful than I had hoped. First, Spazz gets us kicked out of another city; then, he introduces a cousin that is absolutely nothing like him; now, there's... TWO! That was the only way Figment could think of to describe his current situation. And here I was, thinking that perhaps this place would offer a bit more peace than Stalliongrad. The pegasus silently lamented. Figment prepared to excuse himself from the group to continue his writting when he noticed something... out of place. Looking at his collegue, Spazz, he saw an expression on his face that the philosopher was, until now, unsure the unicorn was capable of: anxiety. Most wouldn't have noticed the small changes in demenor that signaled the change, but then again, most hadn't spent about half of their lives with Spazz. The rhythm with which he spoke was off, ever so slightly; his legs were completely still; and there was an almost invisible amount of sweat forming just under the afro. What could be so mind numbing as to drive Spazz to such a state? Figment wondered to himself, Is it possible that the mare is causing it? Is Spazz, the pony who was shunned from his family for his obnoxiousness, smitten by what appears to be his female doppelganger? If so, is it a good or bad thing? A relationship may serve as an outlet for his hyperactivity, but this mare may just end up encouraging him. "Figment!" Spazz whined, interrupting his train of thought, "Why you no answer?" "Oh, my apologies, Spazz. I was lost in my thoughts, what were you saying?" The strange pink mare, Pinkie Pie, answered in a sing song tone that almost perfectly mirrored Spazz's except a few octaves higher, "Oh, I was wondering why you were being so quiet for so long. Spazz said that it was because you were philosophisizing, and I thought that was pretty cool so I wanted to know what you were philosophisizing about, but you wouldn't answer, so Spazz was all 'Figment! Why you no answer?' and then we went through this." "Philosophisizing isn't a word Pinkie. The word is philosophize." Another mare's voice came from somewhere behind Figment. "Hi Twilight!" Pinky shouted, "Have you met our new friends?" As Figment turned around he saw a lavender unicorn with a mane that was almost black, save for a single pink highlight. Perched on her back as a small dragon whose body was mostly similar in color, perhaps a little brighter purple, but had green spines on his head. She looked at Figment, then Spazz and said, "I don't believe I have. Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle." "My name is Figment. It's nice to meet you." "I'm Spazz and I have doughnuts!" He said as he reached into his mane. Twilight shyed away from the sight, only to be shocked further when the unicorn brought a large suitcase out instead. "Wait... What? How did... you can't just... that shouldn't be..." Twilight sputtered. The dragon that was on her back looked at her with concern, "I think he broke Twilight." "NEW HIGH SCORE!" Spazz shouted with glee. Figment looked around at the group of ponies he was surrounded by: Spazz was doing what Figment assumed to be a victory dance with Pinkie Pie, both of which were singing; Twilight was still sputtering broken attempts at comprehention of Spazz; Spike and Fluttershy were trying to snap Twilight out of it. At that, he took to wing and flew to the peacefull looking park he'd seen on the way there. Just another day. -Pinkie Pie- "OOH OOH! What else do you keep in there?" Pinkie asked her new friend, Spazz. She was having a ton of fun, so much fun that she had yet to notice her other friend, Twilight Sparkle, babbling about his appearent rejection of the laws of physics. He put his hoof to his chin, "Well... just about everything I need. I've got food, shelter, tungstine, seeds, clothes, a blow torch, some nunchucks, a small herd of moose, and a bunch of other stuff." "WHAT?!" Twilight's shout got Pinkie's attention, "That isn't possible! Your mane may be large, but a herd of moose would not fit in that!" She punctuated the statement with an accusative hoof pointed at his mane. Spazz was completely unfazed by this, "Somepony's being kinda cranky, I think somepony needs a hug." he said as he streched his forelegs to give the lavender unicorn a hug. "NONONO!" She shouted in panic, "I'm fine." "Awwwww." Spazz slumped down a little. "I want a hug!" Pinkie immidately said. "Yay!" Spazz rejoyced as he embraced her. As Pinkie held on she found herself feeling something that she hadn't felt in a long loooooooooong time. It was a feeling she'd almost forgotten, that slight burning sensation in her cheeks. She was blushing. Why am I blushing like this? It's nothing to be embarrased about, he's my friend and I made him smile. She reasoned with herself. As the embrace ended, she looked at Spazz and saw that he was blushing to. They stood there in an akward silence for a moment until they realized that it had become just that... silent. The two looked at their three companions remaining to see a mix of reactions. Fluttershy was smiling broadly at her cousin, Twilight was starring at the two with wide eyes, and Spike, being the slightly immature dragon he was, was rolling on the ground laughing. "What did I do?" Spazz asked. Spike was quick to answer, "You found yourself a new friend." He emphassized the last word in a rather suggestive way. Spazz was silent for a moment, contemplating the implications of Spike's words. He then squeaked in a way that seemed to prove his relation to Fluttershy and jumped up into his mane. Literaly, he just jumped up and was enveloped by the thing. Pinky did just about the same thing when the implications hit her like a brick wall. "Spike! They just met!" Twilight scolded before Pinkie had the chance to do so herself. "Hey, you were all thinking it!" Spike petulently replied. "I wasn't!" Spazz said, "I was thinking about tacos!" Pinkie chuckled at the sudden outburst. Then her stomach rumbled angrily. "I think it's time for lunch. You guys wanna come have lunch with me?" Pinkie asked. "Um... okay." Fluttershy said quietly, "That is... if that's okay with you." "I guess I can." Twilight agreed. "Nom nom?" Spazz asked. "Nom nom." Pinkie affirmed. "YAY! I'm in!" he happily sang. Pinkie Pie just laughed. She didn't know why, but she didn't have to. She was the element of laughter and she had a new friend. Perhaps that is reason enough.
The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets SpazzChapter 4: The world meets Oreo, and Rarity meets Spazz -Oreo- Oreo Cookie's mother and father, Chocolate Chip and Hazelnut, once told him that they named him Oreo because, when he was born, he made their lives sweeter. When he heard this, he laughed in their faces. You see, Oreo isn't known for his kindness, in fact, he's known for being a sarcastic ass. Even his cutie mark, an explosion in the shape of a middle finger, showed his attitude toward the rest of the world. While most ponies lack the ability to make this resounding "buck you" that dragons and other races with fingers can, it has been adopted into pony culture and is usually demonstrated with a shaking of a hoof in a similar position. Oreo's philosophy in life: "Buck all the things, all the time, in all the places" made him a bit of an outcast from society, but even isolated outasts need to make money. So, he took a job that he found he was rather good at: bounty hunting. He found that, while he had nothing but disdain for law and order, he had a way with screwing ponies over. This morning, Oreo was partaking in his favorite passtime: being a prick to everypony around him. As he stormed down the Manehattan side walk going in the opposite direction of the other traffic, he bore his trademark slightly annoyed look on his face. It only took him five minutes to run directly into a rather muscular stallion. "Watch where you're going, idiot." The Stallion said, his voice was deep and gruff. Oreo wasn't the tallest or strongest of ponies, in fact, he was fairly scrawny. So, naturally, the stallion expected an apology from the unicorn. This stallion was startled when Oreo stood on his hind legs and put his hooves up for a fight. Most Ponies didn't fight on their hind legs, but then again, most ponies didn't have a job where a fight for your life was expected. "Come at me, bro!" Oreo shouted. The mucular oaf gladly obliged him, charging foreward with no idea what he was doing. Oreo simply moved a bit to the side, and the stallion ran right past him. At this point, the crowd around them had spread out and were watching the fight unfold. I'll make this quick. Oreo thought to himself with a chuckle. He jumped toward the stallion in a flying side kick. When the hoof made contact with the offender's jaw, it was over. The poor bastard was out cold. Oreo shrugged at the unconsious pony before him. Meh, I'm hungry. I wonder if Doughnut Joe's is open. As a matter of fact, it was. -Spazz- Food! I like food. Spazz thought to himself as he followed his new friend, Pinkie Pie, to the resteraunt for lunch, Twilight and Fluttershy in tow. This thought only occupied his mind for a few short moments before, as always, it was replaced with something else. In this case, the replacement thought was about the swirly purple mane on the snow-white unicorn walking toward the group. "Hi Rarity!" Pinkie chirped. "Oh, hello Pinkie Pie. How are you dear?" The swirly mane pony, Rarity, replied in a voice that Spazz had heard from a lot of ponies that Figment talked to about books. He didn't like most of them, they were usually pompous windbags and pompous windbags bothered him. You couldn't be loud around them. "I'm great! Have you met Spazz? We're on our way to get lunch." Pinkie asked jesturing to Spazz. How is her mane so twirly? It looks kinda like a waterslide, but it's too small for ponies to use. Maybe parasprites, they'd be small enough to use it. I wonder how long she has to work on it to make that twirl. It looks kinda like a little ramp my pet mongoose Reginald would use. "I'm afraid I haven't." She said eyeing his mane aprehensively, "It's nice to meet you, I am Rarity. I must say, your mane's style is quite... interesting." Spazz smiled at what he assumed was a complement, "Thanks, I'm Spazz and your mane is very swirly. It kinda remindes me of my old mongoose, Reginald. He was nice." "Thank... you?" "You're welcome. Maybe we should-*GASP* WHERE'S FIGMENT?!" Spazz hadn't noticed him walk/fly off. "Who?" The twirly lady asked. "OHMYGOSHILOSTFIGMENTANDIMIGHTNEVERSEEHIMAGINHEWASLIKEMYBESTFRIENDANDWEWEREGONNAHAVEDOUGHNUTSTOGETHERLATERHOWAMIGONNAEATALLOFTHESEDOUGHNUTSNOW?!" Spazz bawled. "Wh-what?" Miss Rarity lady asked, mildly freightened, "I don't understand what's happening." Without answering, Fluttershy flew to his side and began to confort him, "It's okay Spazz, he'll be back... I know he will." "But, what if he doesn't?!" Spazz paniced, "It'll be just like when Reginald left me! Oh, Regy why did you have to go so soon?! Why is it that the brightest lights are always the first to die out?! Oh, cruel fate! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" "Is he lamenting Reginald again?" A calm voice came from just above them. "FIGMENT!" Spazz cried as he intercepted his friend mid-air with a relieved hug, "FIGMENTITHOUGHTYOUMIGHTHAVELEFTMELIKEALLTHEOTHERSDIDANDIWASSOSCARED!" "Why would you think that?" Spazz immidiately ceased his wailing to think. "Hmmm... I'm not quite sure. Oh well! Time for food." He then jumped up and continued walking in the directon of the resteraunt, completely forgetting the ordeal that had just transpired. --Figment-- Slightly frazzled, but not at all surprised by Spazz's outburst, Figment turned to introduce himself to the white unicorn mare that had recently joined the group. "Afternoon, madame. My name is Figment, collegue-slash-foalsitter of that overzealous unicorn there." Figment gestured to Spazz, who was still trotting away. "Oh, aren't we the gentlecolt?" Rarity said, shocked but not at all displeased by the contrast between this new stallion and the orange one that she just met. "I am Miss Rarity, curator of the Carousel Boutique, and Premier Fasionista of Poniville! How do you do?" While Figment thought that this Rarity character had addressed him almost too politely, he let it drop for the moment. Bowing, he replied, "Fine thank you." Remebering Spazz, he added, "I hate to bother you, but that orange unicorn there, where is he going and why is he unattended?" "Oh, his name is Spazz is it?" Rarity replied, but before she could go on, Spazz abrduptly came up from behind them, despite being at the head of the group a few seconds before: "Actually, my full name is Spazztic Michealangelo Shenanigans, but that's far too long for my tastes, so I usually go by 'Spazz'! Actually, my last name used to be Aetherios, but my mom and dad were all 'Spazz! Little nobles do not set fire to the imported cheeses!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not store squirrels in their manes!' or 'Spazz! Little nobles do not have afros!' Eventually they told me to go away and never come back... ever. So I did! And then the good times rolled." "Aetherios? As in... the Aetherios? You mean to tell me that you're from the Noble House of Aetherios in Canterlot?!" Rarity asked, amazed. "Past-tense. Nowadays I come from the Not-quite-so-noble-but-just-as-housey house of Shenanigans!" Spazz proudly declared. Figment saw Rarity swoon, and jumped fourth to catch her. "It appears that she's heard of your family, Old Friend. What do you have to say to that?" "If we were to make a book out of burritos, would it be both delicious and educational?" He ran foreward to discuss the ramifications of a "book-rrito" with Pinkie.
Good news, bad news, and lots of glazingChapter 1: Good news, bad news, and lots of glazing Figment At two o'clock in the afternoon, a dark blue pegasus arrived at a specific and memorable tree in Stalliongrad Central Park. This place had always been as close to a sanctuary as he had ever been able to find. Sitting under the tree's generous shade, the pegasus sat his bag at his side and adjusted his black vest. Taking a deep breath of the fresh park air, pulled his pocket watch out of his vest and checked the time. He had about three hours until he needed to start heading home to cook dinner. With this in mind, he reached into his bag and procured his most prized possessions: an enchanted tome that never ran out of blank pages, and a silver pen that was enchanted to have endless ink. The pegasus began to write, but was interrupted by another pegasus calling down from a nearby cloud, "Hey Figment! When are ya gonna figure out that books are the wimpy unicorn's jobs?" Figment sighed inwardly at the mind blowing ignorance of the question. "Considering the fact that, by accepting the idea behind your question as truth, I would have to deal with you and countless other dolts like you... I'd have to say never." At that, he went back to his writing. He'd always been an anomaly when it came to "being a pegasus." Figment was not an athlete. It wasn't that he lacked the ability, but that the prospect of being one simply never appealed to him. He fancied himself as more of a philosopher; it was all too fitting of his coat's near prefect impression of a starless night sky. Philosophy, to him, was all an act of perception; a trick between the views posed by society and the views of the individual. It was his job to examine both and, from that, discern the truth, hence the prismatic eye that adorned his flank. Within minutes the author was so engrossed in his work that he failed to no tice the violet pink puff that had just phased into existence with a slight "pop." It floated just behind him for a few moments then seemingly inflated to a spherical cloud about twice the size of Figment's head. Suddenly, a bright almost irritatingly orange unicorn fell from the cluster with a thud with the cloud resting proudly on top of his head. "OHMYGOSHFIGMENTIHAVEGOODNEWSANDBADNEWSWHICHONEDOYOUWANTFIRST?!" The strange colt said. Figment didn't even turn around to look at his colleague as he calmly responded, "Both at the same time." The unicorn reached into his afro and triumphantly retrieved a tape recorder. "I thought you might say that." He pushed play and began to speak along with the recording. The noise that ensued probably couldn't be passed off as language, and many of the bystanders were looking over to the sudden influx of sound that had just taken place. When the gibberish ceased, Figment turned to face his comrade with a small smile. "Okay, Spazz, you win. What's the news?" "Well... the bad news is that we may have been evicted from the apartment." Figment remained unimpressed, "What...Again? What did you do this time?" "I think the 'Taco Tuesday' incident was the last straw." "That would make sense, I'm still finding corn chips in places I never knew I had." The unicorn's broad smile remained unbroken, "The good news is that I met this one dapper guy in a tuxedo, I think he was a secret agent or something, but he gave me a great deal on some doughnuts! Three bits for a dozen! He was very suave." At that, he proudly reached into his mane and retrieved a pink box that was assumed to contain said pastries. "Well," Figment said with a shake of his head, "It's good to know your priorities are straight." After a moment of silence a sudden realization hit the dark pegasus, "Wait, wasn't that the last complex in the city we hadn't been banned from?" "Yep." Spazz chirped, clearly not seeing a problem with this. It wasn't the first time they'd had to leave a city for something like this. In all honesty, it wasn't even the fifth time. After a moment of thought, Figment looked to his colleague again, "How many cities have we be-" "Twelve and a half." Spazz immediately replied. "Twelve and a half?" the pegasus asked, confused, "How does the half work?" "Remember Manehattan with the whole-" "Ugh, don't remind me" "Want a doughnut?" With a sigh, Figment accepted the pastry. If I'm going to have to find a new house, I may as well have eaten first. He sat down to begin eating. Spazz had apparently eaten already, he began bouncing around and humming some unknown tune. Figment looked up at his friend once the doughnut was consumed and asked, "Where do you think we should go now?" Spazz inexplicably stopped in midair, seeming to ponder the question. "Where can we go for free?" He wondered aloud. "Why would it need to be free?" Spazz rolled his eyes, "Because I spent all our bits on doughnuts... DUH." For the first time he could remember, Figment found himself furious at the impulsive unicorn. Usually, he was able to put up with his hijinks, but had simply gone too far. "EXCUSE ME?!" Spazz was unfazed by this uncharacteristic display, "I spent all the money!!" he shouted, extending his forelegs to each side. "Where are we supposed to live, and how are we going to cover other costs?!" "Huh," the unicorn said in a thoughtful tone, "Let me thiiiiiinnnnn-OHMAHGOSHIDEA!" While hesitant to listen to another one of Spazz's... unique... ideas didn't appeal to him, Figment decided it couldn't hurt to hear him out on this. "Let's have it." "Mah famileh can help meh!" "I thought they you shunned, and said to never come anywhere near them... ever." "Most of them did, yeah," Spazz said, his optimism suddenly wavering, then his head perked up again, “But one of my cousins never did! She's really nice! There was this one time, at hearth's warming eve where I was playing with her in the snow and..." The rambling story faded into the background as Figment thought about the idea. Until now, all he knew about his colleague’s family was that they had been very judgmental and intolerant of the unicorn's eccentric ways. Most ponies were, as well. There had been several occasions where the pegasus had been asked how he dealt with it, and his response was always the same: He may not be the smartest, he may not have the best judgment, and he may not be quiet or still for more than a few seconds at a time; but he has one thing that makes him indispensable to me: Creativity. It didn't hurt that, once you got used to it, he also had a way of making almost any situation entertaining in some way or another. Perhaps this cousin of his saw the same things in him that I see. If she did, it would give me a lot more time alone. Even I need my peace sometimes. "...And then she said 'Those weren't nachos, they were poisonous jelly!' and boy was my face red!" Spazz concluded his story. Jarred from his inner monologue Figment addressed his friend, "Alright, we don't really have any other options. Where does she live?" "A small town called Ponyville." "Why does every city have to have some sort of equine pun or something in the name?" This had been bothering the author for quite some time, "Is it just to remind us what sort of creature we are? We all know we're horses, why can't we just name a place for something besides that?" "Because we're ponies... that's just how we roll." Spazz crossed his front legs in a mock 'rapper' pose to emphasize that last point. Another defeated sigh, "I assume you already have our things packed away for the trip, somehow." Spazz gestured to his mane "You betcha!" Nopony quite knew how that unicorn managed to store such a vast array of items in that mane of his. Figment had repeatedly tried, and failed, to obtain an answer to his methodology, but he never got one more detailed than "Stuff goes in... stuff comes out... I can't explain that." That was why the question of the "all knowing 'fro" was on Figment's list of questions the universe wasn't yet willing to yield answers to. Most of the list had something to do with Spazz in some way. Sometimes Figment guessed that violating the laws of nature was his special talent, after all, nopony knew what his cutie mare was, let alone what it meant. Some thought it was just a design, but to Figment, it looked like a strange contorted face. (Please read the following in a British accent, thank you): At this point we, the authors, would like to skip the whole long and rather drawn out description of Spazz's cutie mark and simply state what it truly is: a troll face. Why the skip? Because we're kinda lazy and want to get on with writing the fun parts of the story sooner. Why didn't you have Figment or Spazz know what a troll face was? Allow us to answer THAT with a question of our own: Why would a race of ponies that live on a world with neither internet connections nor humans recognize a human internet meme such as troll face? Why does Spazz have a troll face cutie mark? Because shut up. It's our story and we'll do with it as we please! Thank you for your time. "Ready to go, ol' pal ol' buddy of mine?" Spazz asked, still bouncing around. Figment shrugged, "Why not?" "Well, either of us could be tired or hurt or sick or hungry or-" "Why did I even bother?" As he followed his brightly colored friend, Figment realized he hadn't gotten this pony's name yet. He shrugged it off, thinking to himself, All in good time, I suppose. Fluttershy Today was shaping up to be a great day for one timid pegasus in particular. The woodland creatures she was caring for were all tended to for the day, and it wasn't even lunch time yet. Fluttershy had decided to take this opportunity to go see her coltfriend. Just thinking of him made her smile. He was so kind and gentle, yet strong and brave. It had surprised her when he asked her out, he could've had any mare in Ponyville if he wanted. Arriving in the market, she looked around at the seemingly endless sea of ponies scurrying from one stall to another, making various purchases or talking with various friends. After a few moments of searching she saw the highly decorated apple cart. She began to trot happily towards the cart but before she could go to her "Mic Mac" as she called him, she saw another colt and stopped dead in her tracks. The violet-pink afro brought back memories from a long forgotten foalhood. When he finally came into full view, she could feel her eyes widen, half from excitement and half from fear. She locked eyes with her old cousin. After a moment of regarding her from a distance, he squealed with glee and scurried towards her... babbling jumbled and ecstatic greetings all the way. Even though she knew what was coming, Fluttershy could only manage a startled squeak before she the tackle hug suddenly overcame her. "Cousin Fluttershy! Oh, how I've missed you so!" he shouted, as the hug grew tighter. Maybe it wasn't such a good day, after all...
Authors' note IMPORTANT!Dear Reader(s) (I'm unsure how many people actually read this.), I am doing this for two reasons: 1) I am not that great a imagry 2) I can So, here are pictures of the OCs that will be present in the story. Figment and the other one (No spoiler names) are from ponymaker. Spazz was drawn for me as a birthday gift by Jeffytastic. Danke Jeffy! Figment: Spazz: New unknown pony doing a flying side kick! Buck yeah!
