Celestia and Luna Run From the Cops
Go Home Celestia. Your Drunk.
"You know, I do loooove a stallion in *hic* u-uniform" the sun alicorn slurred her voice, attempting to be sultry but failing miserably In her drunken state.
"Ma'am, how much have you had to drink tonight?" The young officer asked, keeping his flashlight directly pointed at the alicorns face, attempting to get some type of reaction out of the mare. Celestia for her part felt no effect from the bright light, she raised the sun for Faust's sake! She was more then willing to answer the officer as she brought a hoof to count how many beers she had. Quickly realizing she didn't have fingers, she returned her foreleg to the ground, resuming her dopey expression. Craning her head back, she called out to the other pair nearby.
"Luna! Ho-how much did we d-*hic* drink!?" She called to the darker alicorn nearby, who had her forelegs up against a wall as another young officer frisked her, despite the fact she wore no clothes. The less inebriated mare was not taking the situation in stride like her sister, blushing heavily with a mix of shock, horror, anger, and humiliation at their situation.
Giving her sister a deadpan glare as the cop continued his search, the younger sister spoke. "Tia. We emptied out four of all their alcohol. We are banned for life from three of them. You even started a bar fight in o-one!" Luna squeaked at the last part, the officer reaching a sensitive part under her wing.
Celestia rolled her eyes at her sister, what a party pooper. "He had it coming! He's lucky I *hic* didn't send his a-ass to the moon!" She returned her attention to the patiently waiting cop, his expression neutral as the alicorn smiled happily at him.
"So. You've had quite a few drinks tonight. Am I correct ma'am?" He stated plainly. Celestia bobbed her head, she had drunk quite a bit, but hey, alicorns had a high tolerance!
"Y-yes officer, quite a few officer" she slurred, "But, I wouldnt mi-ind having a few more..*hic* care to join me?" she said, swishing her tail lightly. The officer's face remained its impassive stance, unaffected by the alicorns advances. Secretly though, on the inside he was screaming like a little girl who's doll just exploded. Of all the equestrians he could have possibly run into, it had to be the immortal godess/rulers of the nation! He was screwed. God have mercy with what he was about to do next.
"Ma'am I'm afraid I have to place you under arrest along with your sister here" He braced himself, preparing for anything from the pony goddess. Anger, outrage, denial, possible moon sending. Ya, he had heard the stories. Instead, Celestia continued to stand their before him, but gone was her happy smile, replaced with a small frown.
"Ma-ay I ask what are the ch-*hic* charges?" She said. The officer slowly felt he was digging his own grave.
This night could not get any worse. He lazily thought. His blood ran cold as he realized what he just did. No no no! I didn't mean that! I swear to god Murphy!
"Well, ma'am. We have public intoxication, disturbing the peace, vandalism..." The sun alicorn for her part nodded at each statement, though she was honestly not paying to much attention after she heard they were under arrest. Arrest her?! She was Princess Celestia! She rules for 1000 some years, hardly any breaks, and the night she wants to have a few drinks she gets arrested? Buck that. She had a plan. A very stupid, stupid not well thought out plan.
She cocked her foreleg back ever so slightly.
She steadied her blurring vision. She had one shot at this.
She aimed.
She shot her leg forward, hoof outward.
Right into the young officer's crotch.
A squeak to high pitched for anything but a dog to hear escaped the young officer's mouth before he doubled over in fiery pain. Clestia on her part wasted no time.
"Cheese it!!" She bellowed out into the night, the royal canterlot voice well in effect. She bolted, leaving her sister and the other young officer in stunned silence, gawking at the fleeing form of the equestrian ruler. Luna and the officer returned their attention to each other, their gazes locking in surprise. It lasted for a moment before Luna took a quick glance downward. The officer followed her gaze to his...crotch.
Oh no.
Their gazes locking again, the moon alicorn displaying a sad expression. The officer quickly shook his head, their eyes saying volumes to each other.
Please don't!
I'm sorry!
Don't!
Sorry!
Luna cocked her hind leg and shot directly into the officers groin. He silently mouthed "mommy!" Before joining his partner on the ground. "I'm so sorry!!" Luna yelled as she ran after her sister, the duo on the run. From the cops.
"Tia I can't believe you did that!!" Luna called out, her sister still barreling down the street of the human city. It wasn't that hard following her sister's trail. Broken street lamps, impaled mailboxes, and gawking humans were a clear indicator of Celestia's location.
"He was going to *hic* arrest us?! What wa-as I supposed to do?!" The older sister questioned.
" Not hit the stallion in his genitals?!" Luna fired back.
Approaching an intersection, the duo heard the wailing sound of earth's police vehicles. It appears their escape had not gone unnoticed. Behind them, a speeding police car was quickly gaining, while up head another was racing towards them. They would be caught in moments, but Celstia had another brilliant plan. Running into the street, she approached a white SUV waiting for the light to turn green. Grabbing the door in her magic, she opened it, startling the human male inside before ripping him out of the car.
"I have to confiscate this car! Royal Flank businesses!" Celestia yelled, cramming into the front seat of the car. Luna looked on in horror. They were carjacking someone! Sweet Faust what is going on?!
"Luna, get in!" Celestia motioned to her sister. Luna already spot more approaching cops and decided to join her sister in her acquired transportation. The sun alicorn eyed the controls for a moment before looking herself over in shock. "What am I doing?!" She yelled. Luna breathed a sigh of relief. Looks like her sister's sanity had finally returned. "Safety first!" Her sister said happily, buckling herself in. Luna's hopes crashed and burned.
"Sister this is madness!" Luna said, slamming the door on the passenger side.
"This is SPARTA!" Her sister yelled, slamming the gas pedal down with her magic, the car bulldozing ahead, thankfully missing a few cars. Luna held her head in her hooves.
They were doomed.
"Chopper-two. Do you have a visual?" The radio crackled, as the helicopter gained on its target. The pilots spotted their prey speeding down the highway at an increasing speed.
"Yes sir, making their way down I-89 southbound." The pilot answered his radio.
"10-4. Light em up" . The pilot nodded to his co-pilot, who activated the spotlight on the white SUV.
"Tia! They have a chopper on us!" Luna yelled over the wind, ducking her head back into the car.
"Shoot them down!" Her sister yelled, not taking her eyes off the road. Luna recoiled at her sisters statement. Was she serious?!
"What?!" She screamed, unleashing her own RCV. Her sister continued her serious expression before busting into a fit of laughter, nearly loosing control of the speeding vehicle.
" Your face! *hic* Best. Night. Ever!" Her sister exclaimed happily, hoof pumping. Luna resisted the urge to face hoof. She was never going to let Celestia drink in public again. Ever. For the rest of their immortal lives.
"Sister, how do you expect us to lose the police cars and the helicopter?!" Luna asked, she could already imagine herself in a prison jumpsuit.
"I have an idea for the helicopter...Luna I need you to l-listen to me exactly. Understand?!" Her sisters face was deadly serious. Luna could only assume things were about to get serious.
" I need you to shake your butt at the chopper!"
"What"
"You know, flash them?! Give them the full moon!?" No. No way. No way in Tartarus!! Her dignity was all she had left in this situation, she wasn't going to throw it away!
"Tia. I must politely ask you to go BUCK YOURSELF!!" Luna spat. Her sister only smiled at her outburst. She didn't like that smile.
"Hold on, I got movement inside the car" the pilot announced, noticing the right front passenger was shifting.
"Mhmm. Confirmed" his copilot agreed. From their view above they were the first to see the dark alicorns rear end stick out of the window, her rump shaking back and forth. Her starry maned tail glistening in the chopper's heavy spotlight.
"Frank, is the moon alicorn shaking her butt at us?" the pilot asked, his eyes unreadable through his black visor.
"Mhhhmm. That she is Greg" Frank replied, his face also unreadable.
"I see"
"Mhhmmm"
"....."
"....."
"That ass"
"Mhhmmm"
