The Inquisition Sends its Regards

by dominatusimperator

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Crossover
Length: 2820

What would happen if the Imperium discovered the Ponies?

The Imperium of Man has discovered Equestria. What will happen? Will the Imperium embrace friendship and harmony? Only time (and the Inquisition) will tell.

Crossover with Warhammer 40,000
Thanks to Games Workshop for Warhammer!

I have no regrets in regards to this story.

Published 2014-08-29 23:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-29 23:30:02 UTC

Diplomatic Incident

It was a beautiful world, Epona, Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis thought as he stared out of his ship’s observatory. It was a world of blue seas and green lands, of glaciers and life. It was a world rare and far between in the void, an easily habitable one. The Imperium had once believed that it had discovered all habitable worlds in the thirty-first millennium, but the newly discovered Subsector Epona conflicted with that belief. It was perfect for man, preliminary auspex scans showing massive amounts of resources. Administratum estimates predicted a planetary ability to support well over thirty billion human beings.

There was one, small hitch. There was already life upon this world. Structures, human like in their composition were quite obviously inhabited by creatures other than human beings. The exploratory vessel had immediately contacted the Administratum, which had consequently contacted the Ordo Xenos. This was their jurisdiction. That was where the Inquisitor came in. It was his duty to uphold the interests of mankind in this affair, and to bring about tolerable outcomes towards this world.

Thunderous footsteps betrayed the presence of one of the Astartes to the Inquisitor. He turned slowly, seeing a black armored figure approaching. The hum of active power armor set the Inquisitor’s teeth vibrating in his jaws. Deathwatch Watch Captain Gaius was originally of the Ultramarines, and had inherited their taciturn methods, as well as utter hatred for anything non-human. Next to him, Colonel Josiah Terros of the Two-Hundred and Third Inquisitorial Storm Trooper Regiment stood proudly in his dress uniform. The Inquisitor already knew what they were there for.

“The Company is ready to deploy, Inquisitor. We merely need the word to unleash the wrath of the Emperor upon them,” Gaius intoned. His voice was neutral, though his eyes betrayed his eagerness to shed the blood of the enemies of man.

“My Lord, the regiment are prepared and ready to launch,” The Colonel added crisply.

“That is indeed good to hear. We deploy within the hour.”

The captain nodded, while the Colonel made the sign of the Aquila. Both vacated the room.

Prior contact had already been established with the xenos when the exploratory vessel had entered the system. To their surprise, they found that the xenos spoke a language remarkably similar to Low Gothic, and were friendly. That in no way influenced the Inquisitor’s methods of dealing with them. He had already forwarded all information that had been gathered by the exploratory party to his superior, who was half a segmentum away.

The races of the world were divided nation states. Each had sent an envoy to a specified location to reap benefits from contact with mankind. Fools. It was for naught. The Imperium would never negotiate with xenos, not even when the stars died and the Galaxy ended. The sound of heavy respiration sounded behind him, mechanical and harsh. He knew who that sound belonged to. Magos Biologis C-52-Alpha had likely come to ensure that he would indeed gather biological samples. Live samples. Knowledge was the life blood of the Mechanicum, after all.

“The vivisectorium is prepared,” the Magos stated as if that explained all things.

The Inquisitor sighed, “You will get your samples, Magos.”

The Magos acknowledged with a burble of binary and left the chamber.

The Inquisitor checked his chronometer. It was now time to leave. His ship, the Emperor’s Torch now lay directly over the meeting place. He strode from the chambers with near nonchalance, making his way down fifteen levels of warship before reaching the hanger. A squad of Death Watch Astartes waited for him, black plate glinting in the cold artificial light of the hangar. A Thunderhawk gunship awaited boarding.

The Captain Gaius was in the midst of a briefing, and it echoed through the vox bead.

"Our enemy this day are craven xenos whelps! They are technologically withdrawn, and will be easily defeated. Remember, only the weak are merciful! We will soon claim this world in the name of the Emperor! We will deploy to the planetary capital by way of drop pod. Our allies in the Imperial Guard will bombard nearby cities into oblivion. We will then expand outward, purging anything within sight. This shall be an easy victory, and will do well for the glory of the Emperor!"

"For the Emperor! For the Emperor!" The Deathwatch exclaimed into their voxes.

The Thunderhawk launched with the massive detonation of a broken sound barrier.

The trip was uneventful, the lack of windows restricting sight to the cold metal decks and the Astartes themselves. Fourty-five minutes passed of nothing other than the roar of the Thunderhawk’s engines.

“Brothers!” A call from the pilot came, “We are now nearing the landing zone!”

The Thunderhawk hit the ground with a thud.

***

Twilight Sparkle readied herself, admiring her new dress in a mirror. Once again, Rarity had outdone herself. Twilight looked both regal and elegant in her dress, which was nearly blinding in its luminescence, so utterly encrusted with jewels was it. Diplomatic discussions with an alien species! Twilight had never felt so nervous in her life. Although she had already seen the Humans, as they called themselves, this was the first time she had had official diplomatic contact with them. The fact that she was spearheading the discussions for Equestria’s future showed exactly how much trust the Princess had placed in her. She swallowed her nervousness and put on a brave face. For Equestria.

She strode out of the library. The designated meeting place was outside of Ponyville, bordering the Everfree. She did not want to be late. The other diplomats from various other nations had arrived a day prior, and were likely already waiting there. She was not disappointed when she arrived. Behind her, Ponyville watched the skies silently with quiet anticipation.

The roar of an engine and an oppressive wave of heat alerted her to the approach of one of the Humans’ so called “gunships”. It landed hard, gouging holes into the grassy field, disembarkation ramp facing Ponyville. There was a hiss as the hatch depressurized, and slammed into the ground. Ten black armored, hulking forms stomped out of the ship. A tall, slender man in a great coat followed them.

She shared a look with her compatriots before stepping forward, “Sir, we are pleased to welcome you to Equestria. If you would give us your name, we would be glad to begin negotiations.”

The man merely looked at the time piece around his wrist patiently. There was an awkward silence, as Twilight considered her words carefully. She was about to repeat herself when a loud whine drew the attention of all present to the skies. What she saw made her pupils dilate.

Hundreds of black ships roared from the heavens, marked with skulls, double headed eagles, and a strange “I” symbol. As they dived towards the earth, they launched off cylinders with smoking trails. These struck the earth with tremendous force, throwing dirt and fire into the air. Several boxy vehicles hovered in the air, spitting random fire at bystanders, as soldiers rappelled down on cables. In the distance, massive pods struck Canterlot, visibly knocking down buildings with their sheer force.

“What is the mean-“she began, only to be cut off by a fist around her throat.

One of the lumbering forms had seized her and her compatriots. She wheezed against the tremendous force, which was a mere fraction of what the Astartes was capable of. She tried to use her magic, only to find herself too weak to do anything of the sort. She was dragged into the gaping darkness of the gunship. The last Twilight ever saw of her home was Ponyville in flames from incendiary bombing runs, and flooded with Imperial soldiers. The last she ever heard of it was the screaming of her friends, and massive explosions that rocked the earth and seared the skies.

Twilight bowed her head, a solitary tear leaking from her eye, and the darkness embraced her.

Author's Note

I am aware that this story is not much good. It is just to demonstrate how the Imperium would act canonically in regards to Equestria.

Report One: Planet Epona, Subsector Epona, Ultima Segmentum

+++WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS OF THIS ARCHIVE IS PUNISHIBLE BY TERMINATION+++
+++THOUGHT OF THE DAY: COWARDS SEEK COMPROMISE+++
+++BEGIN ARCHIVE+++

+++Subject: Investigative Report of Planet Epona, Sub-Sector Epona, Ultima Segmentum.
Sender: Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos
Recipient: Lord High Inquisitor Decimus, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos

Report: As My Lord is aware, the world of Epona was discovered to be habitable by exploratory vessels in 243.M41. It was deemed by the Adeptus Administratum to be a world of great interest. However, during the preliminary Auspex scans, we have noticed that the world is already inhabited. The structures located on the world range from primitive to feudal, but none extending from that point.

The investigative team that landed on the world have found that there are a number of Xenos species residing upon it. The predominant species of Xenos is a pastel coloured, equine-like Psyker race. They are highly intelligent, and capable of communication, their language being strikingly similar to Low Gothic. They denote themselves as “Ponies”. They are divided into subspecies, the “Unicorns” (Equus Unicornis), “Pegasi” (Equus Ales), and “Earth Ponies (Equus Terra). Equus Unicornii are notable in the fact that they are active psykers, with telepathy and telekinesis being common abilities. Equus Ales are winged and capable of flight, possessing remarkable speed. Equus Terra are not remarkable beyond slightly enhanced strength in comparison to the other subspecies. However, they all reek of the Warp.

There are a number of other Xenos species that populate the world. The first species is the Griffons (Maiorem Gripen), horrendous hybrids of Eagle and Lion. These creatures are at enmity with the Equus. Next are the Minotaurs (Hominis Vera Ludibria), bull-headed men (I humbly suggest that these be purged post-haste due to their mockery of the perfect human form). Then there are the Changelings which are a gestalt hive mind (as the Tyranids) that feed off of emotion (like the Immaterium). Furthermore, there are a number of sentient species that are mockeries of natural animals.

It is worth noting that the Ponies control the weather with their fiendish psyker capabilities. This was much to the disgust of all present. They worship a form of collective betterment (similar to the Tau’s Greater Good) known as “Harmony” (blasphemy!). However, they also worship their twin monarchs, Celestia and Luna, whom they credit with the raising and lowering of both Sun and Moon (blasphemy!). The Griffons worship their God of War, Dominus (blasphemy). The Minotaurs are agnostic in their nature (blasphemy!). The Changelings are Atheists (blashphemy!).

The Xenos attempted to be diplomatic, despite obvious panic among their ranks. However, no true servant of the Emperor would work with Xenos. Therefore, the diplomatic parties were taken for vivisection by the Adeptus Mechanicus Biologis, and a company of Deathwatch are preparing for deployment.
Glory to the Imperium!
Glory to the Emperor!+++

+++Subject: Response to Investigative Report of Planet Epona, Subsector Epona, Ultima Segementum
Sender: Lord High Inquisitor Decimus, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos
Recipient: Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos

Your report has been found satisfactory. Continue reporting the results of the campaign against the Xenos.+++

+++Subject: Xenos Exterminated, Planet Epona, Sub-Sector Epona, Ultima Segmentum
Sender: Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos
Recipient: Lord High Inquisitor Decimus, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos

My Lord, I am pleased to announced that within three weeks of the opening engagement, the planet has been wiped clean of Xenos life. All Xenos structures have been demolished, and colonization has begun.

Casualties are as such:
Imperial: Four of His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Space Marines, three hundred of his Imperial Majesty's Glorious Imperial Guard.
Xenos: Eight to Nine Billion Xenos of Varying species.

Vivisection reports forthcoming.+++

+++CLOSE ARCHIVE+++

Report Two: Vivisection

+++UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS OF ARCHIVES IS PUNISHABLE BY TERMINATION+++
+++THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: FOOLISH ARE THOSE WHO FEAR NOTHING BUT CLAIM TO KNOW EVERYTHING+++
+++BEGIN ARCHIVE+++

+++Overwatch: Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis, His Imperial Majesty’s Holy Inquisition: Ordo Xenos
Performer: Magos Biologis C-52-Alpha

Notes regarding all Equus based organisms: All organisms in this genus are noted to have markings upon their posterior sections, to the side. It is currently unknown what they represent.All subjects are of different colouration. Assumption is that colouration is random and deviates.

Subject: "Unicorn"-Equus Unicornis
Notes: The subject was first immobilized to encourage the ceasation of struggling. However, pain receptors were allowed to remain active to view nerve based responses to pain based stigma. First, the subject's chest was opened to examine primary organs. Massive bleeding occurred and was stopped with coagulants. Musculature is well knitted and surprisingly similar to standard animal based organic constructs. Systems are remarkably similar to the common Terran Equine. Lungs are large, and well protected by the rib cage. The heart is located between the lungs, and is therefore of excellent protection. Fluctuations were noted due in large part to massive amounts of pain. It should be noted that due to the heart's placement, individuals should not aim for this location unless with bolt rounds, head shots are suggested. Cranium was then opened for examination of head structures. Herbivore teeth, blunt, crushing. Well developed brain, large. Frontal lobe connected directly to bony structure used to channel warp energy, the horn. Touching the horn causes massive amounts of pain, striking it leads to unconsciousness. Removal leads to lethality via sensory overload (pain based). Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma, surgical removal of horn.

Subject: "Pegasus"-Equus Ales
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Internal structure identical to Subject: Equus Unicornis. However, two major deviations to internal structure are as such. Nervous system extends to wings, which have been confirmed to be extremely sensitive, and potentially erogenous. Bones are hollow to facilitate flight. Wings were removed, but do not lead to lethality. Remains burned
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma.

Subject: Earth Pony-Equus Terra
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Internal structure identical to prior equine subjects. Bones in fore- and hind-quarters of greater calcium density and strengths. Muscles abnormally well developed. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma.

Subject: Alicorn-Equus Magnum
Notes: Subject terminated due to altercation with Adeptus Astartes. Subject is referred to as being a monarch of the equine Xenos. Winged and horned. Major trauma makes advanced analyses improbable. Head annihilated, multiple gashes, and wing removed with chain weapon. However, subject is known to be larger than standard equines, with a better developed musculature, longer horn in comparison to Subject: Equus Unicornis, and larger wings than Subject: Equus Ales. Musculature and bone structure of stronger disposition than Subject: Equus Terra. Wings proposed to be erogenous. Astartes combat reports state that multiple bolter rounds to the cranium were required to terminate the Xenos, and that three casualties were sustained fighting it. Xenos was of massive psychic capabilities. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial annihilation, possible surgical removal of horn.

Subject: Griffons-Maiorem Gripen
Notes: Subject immobilized, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Combination of Lion and Eagle. Fusion method currently unknown, possible mutation. Bones hollow to facilitate flight, easily broken. Wings sensitive, possibly erogenous. Removal created great pain to subject as well as strenuous pleading. Tongue removed at Inquisitor Damien Tyrannis's request. Frontal claws capable of shredding steel. Rear paws can be used to facilitate bipedal transportation. Distinct avian cranial structure, delicate, easily shattered with blunt trauma. However, suggested engagement method is at range. Carnivorous diet, but lack of teeth. Well developed brain, though surprisingly small, due to avian skull. Remains burned.
Suggested termination method: Cranial trauma, heart shot.

Subject: Minotaur-Hominis Vera Ludibria
Notes: Subject unattainable due to overzealous Adeptus Astartes response to appearance. Basic structure is a man with a bull's head. Cranial trauma did not stop subjects, according to reports, but large detonations and vaporization, as well as flame based weaponry proved to be effective.
Suggested termination method: Vaporization, detonation, immolation.

Subject: Changeling-Fallax Vavatonem
Notes: Subject immobilized through physical restraint due to to resistance to chemical methods, pain receptors allowed to remain active. Subject's carapace was uneasy to breach, necessitating the usage of a saw. Subject perished during opening. Subject possessed both wings and horn, and was a gestalt organism tied into the rest of the swarm. Due to large size, it is believed that it was the leader, which went by the name "Chrysalis". Subject attempted to feed off of emotions, and was surprised by the lack thereof. Small, but well developed brain, tied into horn, potentially used to communicate with swarm. Destruction of swarm led to insanity and gibbering. Internal organs standard, with lungs and heart, but with marked lack of stomach.
Suggested termination method: Chain weapons

End Report+++

+++CLOSE ARCHIVE+++