Sssh!

by Caniville

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Discord, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4010

The mane six are holding a silence contest. Who wins?

The mane six are holding a silence contest. The winner gets princess duties for a week, courtesy of Princess Sparkle.

What are each ponies' reasons for wanting to win?

What complications arise due to six of Equestria's most important ponies refusing to speak?

What is Spike's take on all this?

Published 2014-08-30 02:50:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-12 03:26:54 UTC

The Contest Begins

"Aargh!" Twilight's frustrated growl erupted from her study, door slamming open with a very frazzled looking alicorn on the other side. Her horn buzzed as she threw papers out into the hall, messily trying to straighten the crown on her head. "Spike!" She howled, stomping her hoof agitatedly. The little purple dragon came running, one claw clutching a broom and the other clutching his stomach as he struggled to regain his breath.

"Yeah, Twilight?" He panted, straightening up. Spike glanced at the papers on the ground, confused. "What's all this?"

"This is my torture, that's what! How does Celestia expect me to fill out all this paperwork by tomorrow? It's already nine and I haven't even finished the first part!" Twilight heaved furiously, glaring over her shoulder at the stacks of paper by her desk.

"How many parts are there?" The princess's assistant asked nervously, stooping down to pick up the crumpled sheets.

"Eleven!" She screamed, sending another burst of magic into the study as she pitched a stack of paper onto the ground again. The sheets flew into the air, gliding slowly down as Spike struggled to catch them. After about thirty seconds of grabbing at the air, he gave up and walked to Twilight.

"You need to take a break," He said in a soothing tone, resting a claw on her shoulders. The princess growled and turned to him, eyes blazing.

"I don't have time for a break!" She hissed, ears drooping. Spike looked at her dubiously. She glared back, then caved. "Fine," She sighed, lowering her head and allowing the dragon to lead her to the kitchens. "But only for a bit."

"Atta girl. Why don't you cool down on the couch and I'll brew you some tea." The castle was very large, with a complex layout and many floors. There were rooms inside of rooms, and rooms inside of those rooms. Twilight's bedroom was at the top, with four rooms. The first one, upon entrance, had the style of a classic living room. There was a long couch along the wall and two round tables in the middle, each with two comfortable chairs. The second room was more of a small hallway, with two doors on either side of the ends. There were basic chairs along the wall, in case somepony felt like hanging out in a tiny room too small to do anything but sit. The room on the left was a bathroom, with a toilet on one side and a shower on the other. In the middle of the room was an indoors hot tub. Twilight's bed area, on the other side of the hall, could only be described as vast. It was a large round room with a bed right in the middle, on top of a blue shag rug. Tables and chairs lined the walls, with a snug little reading nook on the far side of the door. Spike's room was two stories below. It was a third the size of Twilight's bedroom, with the main part and a private bathroom. The bathroom was just a toilet, and the main room had a bunk bed and desk. The bottom part of the bunk bed was always in chaos, with torn sheets scattered over it and onto the floor, a product of the dragon's occasional nightmares. The top was Spike's hoard. He collected small things, such as bottlecaps and pennies, so he could grow. As he discussed with Twilight the day he decided to start this side task, he would stop hoarding the moment he sprouted proper wings, so to prevent a greedy, catastrophic rampage like the last time he collected too much stuff.

The kitchen, close to the castle entrance, was five times the size of the old treehouse's, with ten huge ovens and stoves. In the middle of the room was multiple counters and drawers, where most of the cooking took place. Along the walls opposite to the ovens were multiple tables and chairs with a long couch in the corner.

Twilight flopped down on this couch, sighing as she stared up at the chrystal ceiling. The sounds of metal clinking softly together sounded behind her, Spike pulling out the things to brew his mentor's tea.

"Spike," The princess asked, shoving her face in a pillow. "Do you think that --"

"Watch out!" A familiar voice screeched, followed by a whistling sound. Suddenly, there was a huge bang by the entrance, then furious knocking. Twilight jerked her head up, twisting in the couch to face the door to the entrance hall.

"What was --"

"Twilight!" The knocking increased, followed by a constant ringing of the doorbell.

"Ugh." Twilight struggled out of the couch, glancing ruefully at Spike picking up the dishes he dropped. She stumbled to the wide door, groping for the knob. She pulled it open, blinking emptily at the pegasus before her. "What in Tartarus do you want, Rainbow Dash?" The mare grinned back at her, unfazed by her friend's crude language.

"Pinkie's having a night party," Dash said, beaming. "Wanna come?" This was met by a fierce scowl.

"No, Rainbow Dash, I'm busy." The pegasus rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah right, Twilight Sparkle," She drawled, flexing her wings. "You're a princess. You just lounge about all day, drinking tea on the couch."

"Excuse me?" The alicorn barked angrily. "Do you really think I have nothing to do now that I'm one of the most important ponies in Equestria?" Rainbow glanced over her shoulder.

"What were you doing when I got here?" She asked, smirking. Twi glared at her and looked down sheepishly.

"I was on the couch while Spike made me tea," She mumbled.

"So come to Pinkie's party!" Twilight jutted out her jaw and turned to the kitchen.

"Spike?" She called. The sound of plates crashing came as a response. "I need all eleven parts finished in nine hours. After three hours, I've finished half of one part. How many parts can I finish?"

"You can't figure that out yourself?" Dash asked, confused. "I think I could do that math."

"I'm tired, okay?" Twi snapped. "How's that math, Spike?"

"Three parts!" The little dragon yelled back. The princess groaned, turning back to Rainbow.

"Fine," She sighed. "I'll go to Pinkie's night party."

***

"Twilight dear, you really need to relax," Rarity drawled, spinning the glass in her magic slowly. "A good way to reduce stress is to do your mane up all nice and relax your facial muscles. Also, success is nice."

"What?" Twilight stared glumly at the juice in her glass.

"Focus on what you've achieved! I'd wear a wonderful dress I made, maybe you could read a book you wrote?" Twilight sighed and turned away.

"Uhm... Thanks Rarity. I'll get some... Yeah." She stumbled to the food table, lazily picking up an apple fritter and shoving it in her mouth. She turned around and met the concerned faces of her friends. Confused, she eyed each one individually.

"What's going on?" She asked skeptically. The five glanced at each other, then Applejack stepped forward.

"Well, y'see sugarcube, we think yer gettin' stress problems."

"What." Twilight scowled, glaring at the country pony. Jack glanced at the others, moving backwards slightly.

"Um... You've been looking... Unhappy, Twilight," Fluttershy mumbled, cowering under the fierce stare of the princess. Rainbow slammed down in front of her, spreading her wings assertively.

"You're taking this princess thing too seriously, Twilight!" Dash barked. "You got wings and now you're all crabby." Twilight gaped her mouth, staring at the pegasus with astonishment. She stared at the others, shocked.

"Do all of you think this?" She demanded. They scrunched up their noses and looked away, save Rainbow Dash who just nodded. Twi laughed nervously, eyes darting around. "You've got to be kidding me! Don't you realize how stressful my job is?" Dash snorted and Twi snorted right back. "Like you could handle it."

"Oh I could handle it any day!" Rainbow boasted, puffing out her chest.

"T'be honest, Twi, I don't think it'd be so hard," Applejack agreed, ignoring the furious glare of the princess.

"I agree," Rarity put in, flicking her mane back. "Being royalty must be an absolute charm!" All the others nodded in return. Twi leaned back, clapping a hoof to her forehead.

"What if I gave you my duties for a week?" She cried, exasperated. "What if I did that? How would that be? Huh?"

"Okay!" All the ponies said at once. Twi sighed violently and threw her wings wide is surrender.

"Fine." She shook her head and drooped her ears, sighing again. "But I can only give one of you princess duties by order of royal court."

"Wha-- Really?" Applejack widened her eyes in surprise. "Ya serious?"

"Yes! If only for you to see how hard it is!" The princess sat down hard on the floor, looking at the five. "So which one of you will be a princess for a week?" They looked at each other uncertainly.

"How about a competition?" Rainbow suggested.

"Ugh, sports aren't my thing." Rarity raised her nose in disapproval, looking down on Dash.

"What about --- "

"I get to choose!" Twilight snapped furiously, glaring at them. "You all to shut up. That's my choice." She met five confused faces and sighed. "If you beat me in the silent game, you get princess duties for a week. I can't talk until all of you do, because I'm casting the spell and that's how it works. Got it?"

"So last one to talk wins?" Pinkie asked, frowning. "That sounds super duper hard!"

"Yeah well, you want to be a princess don't you?" Twilight snapped, firing up her horn. "I'm going to cast a spell on you. If you speak, I'll know. Then you lose. Got it?" The five nodded and she shot a beam of light into their faces. She aimed a beam at her self, beginning the countdown.

"Ready... Set... Be quiet!"

Author's Note

Since this seemed to cause a bit of confusion, I thought I should clear this up to the best of my ability.

The five are able to speak, but if they do, they lose. Twilight cast a spell that lets her know if they speak. The spell prevents Twilight from speaking until the five do. So last one to speak of the five gets princess duties. Then the winner can speak so Twilight can.

I hope that prevents more confusion. If you have any more confusion, just ask.

Twilight

"Hi, Twilight! How was the party?" Spike looked up from the dustpan he was using, smiling at the princess as she entered the kitchen. Twilight smiled back, nodding to him as she pulled out a cup from the drawers. She silently sat down at the table, reaching out with her magic and reheating the tea Spike had made.

"You look much better, Twi," The dragon said, tossing out the items in the dustpan. "Did you go somewhere?" Twilight just shook her head, watching the kettle on the stove. Spike looked at her curiously. "Something wrong?" He asked. "Why aren't you --- " Suddenly he clutched his stomach, cheeks and eyes puffing out. He opened his mouth and let out a huge belch, flopping to the floor as a neatly sealed scroll appeared in the air. Twilight caught it with her magic, unrolling it. Her eyes widened as she saw was written.

Dear Princess Alicorn Twilight Sparkle of Friendship,

Yesterday I had sent you eleven parts, thirty pages each, of paperwork for you to fill out to confirm your residence in the chrystal castle and position as princess of friendship. It was due this very morning, by order of the royal court. I did not recieve said paperwork, for in fact I did not recieve anything at all. The court is giving you one week of grace days. If you do not send the required papers by that day, I will have no choice but to evict you. I send my apologies, but you are marked tardy.

~Princess Celestia

Twilight frowned, closing up the letter and giving it to Spike. She hopped off her chair and headed in the direction of her study, then paused. If the winner is announced in less than a week, She thought, grinning maliciously, then they have to fill out all the paperwork! She clapped her hooves together in truimph, spinning on her hooves and marching out the door. She flung the door open, greeting the weak morning light with a broad smile. Somepony was going to lose. And she would be there to see it.

***

"Oh, hello, Twilight." Mrs. Cake opened the door to Sugarcube Corner, smiling nervously at the alicorn before her. "Oh, should I have said princess? So sorry, Princess." Twilight opened her mouth, then quickly snapped it shut again. She thought for a moment, then just smiled and shrugged, strolling into the sweets shop. The mare behind her watched with confusion. "Is something wrong, Princess?" She asked. Twilight turned around, tapping a hoof to her chin as she tried to figure out how to ask. She looked around, spotting a pink cupcake. She grabbed it with her magic and held it up, gesturing towards it and making a questioning expression with her face. Mrs. Cupcake looked at it, puzzled.

"It's a cupcake, Princess. Do you want to buy it?" Twilight shook her head, grabbing a pie off the stove where it sat cooling. She pointed at the pink cupcake, the pie, back at the cupcake, then the pie again, all the while trying to look like she was asking a question. The struggling princess was met with a blank expression. She sighed, looking around the shop for things to gesture with. Twilight spotted Gummy, picking him up and holding him out to Mrs. Cupcake. She stared at him, baffled.

"That's, um, Gummy, Princess," She stammered, darting her eyes around nervously. "I don't know what you want, Princess, I'm sorry. Can't you just tell me?" Twilight sighed, dropping the things she had been using. She headed towards the stairs, hoping to find what she sought up there. She barely had her hoof on the first step when she was stopped by Mrs. Cupcake. "I'm sorry, Twilight," She said, casting her eyes downward. "Employees only." Twilight stared her, spreading her wings and flexing them pointedly. She took off her crown with her magic, waggling it in front of the mare. Mrs. Cupcake glanced at it, shuffling out of the way. "Sorry, Princess!" Twi slapped the crown back onto her head, strutting regally up the steps. She found the door to Pinkie's room, knocking on it carefully. When no reply came (much to her disappointment) she went inside, glancing about the room.

The lights were turned off and the curtains drawn, with the sheets of Pinkie's bed neatly folded. The balloons were slightly deflated and the party cannon was put away in the closet. Twilight looked around the empty room, puzzled. She knocked quietly on the doorframe, hoping for one in reply. When none came, she turned away and headed downstairs. When she reached the bottom, Twilight was met with a very scared looking Mrs. Cake armed with spoons and pans, and a pot as a helmet. She crouched at the foot of the steps, staring at the Princess while extending a metal spoon in shaky hooves.

What are you... Twilight couldn't complete her thought as Mrs. Cake chucked the spoon at her face, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Changeling!" Oh, no.

Pinkie

Pinkie was not having fun. When Mr. and Mrs. Cake got home after the party, they were immeadiately suspicious when she didn't start telling them all about it. She just smiled and went to bed. When she got into her room, the sight of balloons and her party cannon made her want to sing, so she had to tape her mouth shut and put all her things away. Then Mr. and Mrs. Cake came in, saw her with tape over her mouth, freaked out, and ran downstairs. Pinkie tore the tape off her mouth and ran after them, silently trying to placate them. Mr. Cake ran out of the house and somehow Mrs. Cake felt cornered, so she grabbed a broom and slapped Pinkie repeatedly, screaming awful things about changelings. By then Pinkie's mane was completely deflated, so she ran out of the house.

Now she was sprinting through Ponyville, swerving past ponies and holding back tears. She smiled weakly at each pony who waved, then galloped on. Suddenly she slammed right into something, flopping onto the ground as her eyes spun around crazily. Pinkie blinked slowly, narrowing her eyes as she tried to figure out what she hit.

"So sorry, Pinkie Pie!" A voice said. "I didn't see you there. Where'd you come from?" Pinkie took the extended hoof, struggling to her hooves as a green unicorn came into her blurred vision. The pony looked at her, surprised. "Is everything okay, Pinkie? You seem sad." Pinkie faked a smile, rubbing the side of her head. The unicorn frowned, pulling the earth pony into a hug. "What's wrong?" Pinkie sighed, pulling away from the hug and sitting down on a bench, tucking her legs beneath her. The unicorn sat next to her, hunched down with her back legs splayed in front of her. Finally Pinkie recognized her as Lyra Heartstrings, the pony convinced that anthropology wasn't a bunch of hooie. She smiled at her, glad to see a friend. Then suddenly she remembered her ordeal, and sunk back into a pool of self-pity.

"Oh come on, Pinkie Pie. You always make us happy, so now I'm returning the favor. Tell me what's wrong." Lyra gazed at Pinkie with kind and comforting eyes. Pie smiled and sniffed, wiping away her tears. If this game caused her so pain, she shouldn't play. Pinkie opened her mouth, breathing in deeply as she prepared to speak. Suddenly, a yellow stallion weilding a mop jumped out from behind the bench.

"It's a changeling!" Mr. Cake yelled, swinging the mop. "That's why it won't talk!" Lyra screamed and immediately kicked out with her legs, flailing her arms and falling behind the bench. The unicorn struggled to her hooves and sprinted away, promptly falling on her face. Pinkie jumped after her, opening her mouth. Lyra spun around and slapped Pinkie right across the face, sending out random sparks from her horn. Pinkie fell to the ground, clutching her cheek. She tried once again to speak, but the pain in her face prevented her from opening her mouth. Lyra twisted in her spot and galloped away, tripping multiple times as she ran away as quickly as she could. Mr. Cake swung his mop again, missing Pinkie entirely. It flew out of his mouth, landing in the dirt a couple feet away. He looked at Pinkie, the mop, and back at Pinkie, then turned around and ran away as well. Pinkie struggled into a sitting position, keeping a hoof stuck firmly on the side of her face. She was not having fun.

Author's Note

Things are not looking good for Pinkie. Can she win the contest? Does she even want to anymore?

Fluttershy

"Why hello, my dear Fluttershy!" Discord bowed formally, grinning outragously as he greeted the pegasus entering her home. Flutter smiled weakly, walking inside. She nodded at the draconequus as she entered the kitchen. "I'm feeling absolutely famished, my little pony," Discord continued, slithering around Fluttershy as she opened cupboards. "And it's been so lonely without you. Your pets are horrible company." He stuck his tongue out at Angel on the table when Fluttershy turned her back. The rabbit scowled at him, hopping out into the living room. "Oh, why do you have to go to those night parties so much? I felt ready to die of boredom." He leaned back dramatically, clapping a paw to his forehead. Fluttershy glanced up at the ceiling, pursing her lips. She looked at Discord, reaching into the cupboard. The draconequus gave her a puzzled look, straightening up. "Is everything okay, my dear?" Fluttershy nodded, pulling out a bowl of shredded paper. She placed it on the table and went to the fridge, taking a box of juice and pouring it into a cup. Discord produced a fork from behind his ear, diving into the paper. He watched Fluttershy prepare her breakfast, munching loudly.

"So," He said, mouthing around the thin strips, "How was the party with dear Pinkie Sky?" The yellow pegasus glanced at him, nodding with a small smile. Discord chuckled, shoving a forkful of paper into his mouth. "Did I say Pinkie Sky? I meant Blinkie Pie. Or is it Blinkie Sky? I can never remember. That pink thing doesn't have a simple name like you, isn't that right Shutterfly?" He frowned, pouting at Fluttershy. Discord lifted into the air and twisted around her as she poured cereal into a bowl. "Okay Fluttershy, what's up? You usually scold me when I don't remember my dear friends' names." He paused, narrowing his eyes. "Are you under a curse?" Fluttershy shook her head, taking the bowl to the table. "A hex?" She shook her head again, sitting down and dipping a spoon into the cereal. "Did your vocal cords fall out?" She frowned at him, lifting the spoon to her face. Discord shot his hand out and knocked the spoon out of her hoof, right before she put it in her mouth. "I just knocked the spoon from you!" He jeered. "What are you going to do about it? Scold me? Give me the Stare?" Fluttershy scowled at him, getting out of her chair. She leaned down to pick up the spoon, facing away from Discord. He squealed silently and promptly kicked Fluttershy in the tail, sending her sprawling across the floor. She picked herself up, tears springing from her eyes. The pegasus stared at the draconequus, lip quivering. Discord waggled a claw in front of her insolently, poking her on the nose. Fluttershy's eyes grew huge and watery as she gazed unhappily at the spot Discord had tapped her. The beast twisted into the air, giggling outrageously.

"Fluttershy cannot speak!" He wailed with glee, pulling loop-the-loops in the air and knocking over bowls. "And I can do as I wish! I can be absolutely awful to her and her pets, and she won't do more than pout." Fluttershy closed her eyes, covering her face with her hooves. Discord appeared next to her and slung an arm over her shoulder, adopting a look of concern. "Oh, don't be so glum Flutterbutter. Just tell me to stop and I'll do exactly that." He snapped his fingers, turning the couch to a pile of bubbles. Fluttershy pulled her face out of her hooves and glared at him, activating the Stare. Discord stared back at her, widening his eyes. They stood, eyes locked, for a moment, then Discord burst out laughing. Fluttershy's glare faltered as the draconequus flopped onto the floor, clutching his sides as tears sprung from the corners of his eyes. He struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on the pegasus as he rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, small silly Flutter. Don't you know the Stare doesn't work on me?" Discord gasped for breath, stepping away. He conjured up a blue bed with a snap of his fingers, falling onto it. The beast sighed, smiling hugely. "Won't this be an excellent day for chaos?" He drawled out the last word, a horrible smirk spreading across his face. Discord hopped out of the bed, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. "I'm going to have fun!" With that, a puff of smoke surrounded him and he disappeared away, his cackling laugh echoing throughout the house. Fluttershy blinked, folding back her ears. She bit her lip, looking wildly about.

This can't be good.

Author's Note

This takes place before the season four finale, so Discord isn't really a true friend yet.