Random guy with Random powers

by Mr_Perlimpinpin

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 5457

It's just a story of a random guy who got random powers.

For centuries, the Gods have stopped interfering with the life of mankind, letting the man and woman live their life as they wanted.
But now the Gods are tired to stay idle, now they want action, they want to move things and one of them knows exactly how.

A challenge is launched, a new game for the Gods is created and one human, among many ones, is chosen to participate.

A/N: I used the Power Lottery Challenge with tier 4 for this story.
(Also this is my first story and I'm not even English so be gentle)

Published 2014-08-30 19:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-26 20:16:31 UTC

Prologue

Long ago when mankind was at the age of sword and bow, when myths merged with reality, when the forces of nature were known as magic...

And when the Gods ruled over the universe and decided of his path.

There was those who wanted to help mankind, like Athena who led them with her wisdom, Apollo who inspired them and Demeter who made their planet nice and fertile.
And there was those who wanted to make them suffer just for the fun of it, like Eris who created mayhem and havoc between humans, Ares who caused many war and Hades who provoked death and despair.

This was a dark age, an age where humanity couldn't choose his own fate, where every humans were slaves of the whims of Gods.

But strangely, one day, the gods decided to stop interfering with the destiny of mankind. Instead, they decided to sit and watch how humanity would live without them and for centuries that's what they did...until now.

Because many gods and goddess, even the most humble of them, thought that, as gods they should live in a higher dimension instead of the mortal plane, they created together a new realm called “The Great Infinite”. A great, luminous void with different planets, each being the house of god and one big central planet being a sort of neutral land where gods could discuss friendly and organize different events.

Since long ago, no events were organized, no friendly talk were did, all gods being alone in their planet minding their one job.

But one of them was tired of this loneliness and boredom, she wanted to do something fun, to create a new event that the other gods and goddess could enjoy themselves…She needed a game…

And she had just the right idea, an idea that no other gods could ever think off.

~The Great Infinite, Date unknown~

In a strange and deformed palace, a lonely lady dressed in a dark purple robe was drinking a sort of red tea with a bored expression on her face. Her red eyes in a sea of yellow stared at nothing, her long black hairs waving in a calm breeze.

She was Eris, Goddess of Chaos.
And she was freaking bored...like really freaking bored!

“*sigh* who was the stupid dude who said that immortality never get old already? Because now I know it does.”

She sigh another time, staring still at nothing like if a buffoon would pot out of the void for her entertainment.

'It's been how long since I did something interesting? Two thousand year? Maybe more, I can't even remember since I'm SOOOOOOO BORED and I can't think normally when I'm bored...Where is the fun when you need it. Ah yes, He's gone since we agree to let the mortal alone! She groaned
And for what?! TWO FREAKING THOUSAND YEARS OF BOREDOM?! THIS IS THE DUMBEST DECISION EVER MADE!!!'

She slammed the table on her side, trying to control her wrath. For some minutes she just rest here with a mad expression, then she suddenly fell in the back of her chair, sighing in resignation. She then pinch the ridge of her nose with a concentrated face.

“Think Eris think, they must be a way to have fun without interfering with mankind's affair.” She said to herself.

Then suddenly, the pieces of the puzzle fit together perfectly.

'Mankind...Not the mortal but mankind's affair...that means…'

A smile coming over her face, the goddess continue to imagine the scenario playing, all the picture respecting the law made.

“THIS…IS...PERFECT!!!” she exclaimed loudly with a smile that would make the Cheshire Cat shake.

'Now I just need to prepare all of that...and of course, tell the others, Oh this will be sooooo fun, I don't think I've got a such good idea in ages.' She thought with pride.

~Later, in the neutral planet~

The central planet was not only the biggest of all but also the prettiest, all gods and goddess participated to it's creation, merging the best of their creativity together to be sure that all of them could appreciate this place. Since the they decided to cut all contact with mankind, all of them stayed in their personal domain, letting the neutral planet (who is still unnamed) completely empty for ages. And for the first time since these ages, all gods and goddess, without exceptions, were assembled in this place.

“Heeeeeeyy Ares how you're doing bro?” Said a god with blue flames for hairs.

Ares shrugged an eyebrow when he saw the strangely cheerful god of death, Hades, approaching him with a sort of flower collar, black goggles and a strange colored shirt.

“So tell me, what incredible quest have you did since our last meeting?” Said Hades with his still strangely cheerful smile.

Ares continue to stare at him for a moment, then he pointed Hades's strange stuff with his finger.

“What's that?” He groaned.

Hades looked what he was talking about for a moment and laughed.

“Oh that! It's just a gift from a cool place I've been, you should do the same sometimes you know?”

“The only gift that I keep are the head of the defeated.”

“mmyeah but isn't it a little boring over time? I mean, I know I like collecting skulls too but you know-”

“shut your mouth Hades, you're giving me a headache, and I just want to listen what the crazy witch have to said and leave.”

“Eris? Yeah I'm curious too, but I'm sure she have a great idea, she always have a great idea.”

Ares chuckled a little when he heard that.

“Like the famous “make the undead sings spooky songs” moment?”

Hades face felled when he heard that, then he proceed to slowly put his hand on his face, an unamused groan coming from his mouth.

“Don't talk about that please, I've just managed to forget this damned song and I'm sure that if I think about it, it will haunt my dreams for a one hundred years more.”

“Eh, it was fun tough…”

“Yeah yeah let's just go listen to Eris now”.

Like all the living creatures, gods have a chief, Zeus the god of the sky, master of thunder and lightning. The god of gods was standing in the front of the scene, staring anxiously at Eris who seemed to scribe something on a notepad she was holding. Now he wouldn't consider himself someone chicken-hearten but if Eris suddenly called all the gods saying that she got the best idea of the millennium, one that would not interfere with any laws they made but still be awesome, he would indeed be worried, after all she was the goddess of Chaos, that say pretty much everything.

He just hoped that it won't be something too much horrible for mankind, the best would be that it has nothing to do with it but he hasn't a great hope on that, the worst being that she found a hole in the laws which could led all the “bad” gods to ravage earth anew.
Maybe with chance this game will take them sufficiently occupied to not try something, he don't wanted to restart all the ancient war that the laws have stopped.

“Okay that's good, now that...and this...oh yes this too! Good good I think I've got everything!” Eris muttered before turning to the audience.

'It begins' Zeus tough.

“ATTENTION TO ALL GODS AND GODDESS!!!” Eris shouted, everyone shutting themselves to listen. “First of all I want to say thanks to everyone for coming, I promise none of you is gonna be deceived!”

Zeus rise an eyebrow at that, he doesn’t know what she was planning but he surely aren't going to enjoy it.
And just like she was listening to he's tough she turned herself to face him with a big smile. He frowned.

'What is she up to?'

“What are you planning Eris?” He's brother, Poseidon, asked.

“It's very simple, everyone remember the laws which keep us from doing anything with mankind right?” She asked to the audience.

a collective nod and some growls responded to her.

“And what if that I told you...that I found a hole in these laws!” She shouted happily.

Zeus immediately grit his teeth, this was just what he doesn't wanted to happen. For a moment he was just thinking to go here and shut her mouth before she tells the gods what does she exactly found, but then, a strange tough enter his mind.

'If she found a hole in the laws, why does she tells everyone? Knowing her, she would prefer to keep it to herself so what is the big idea?'

“If you really found that, why does you tell us about it? Wouldn't you keep it a secret?” Hermes asked confusingly as Zeus was.

“But how I would make you participate to my game if you doesn't know about it?” Eris responded with her signature smile.

'Of course she planned something like that. Let's just hope this isn't too much terrible, but first of all…'

“What kind of hole in the laws have you found exactly?” he asked with a serious look, while all the other gods went silent, waiting for the answer.

Eris smiled, she was just waiting for that moment.

“Well like I say, that's very simple: the laws keep us from interfering with Mankind's affair but if we just take just one or two or even more humans it's not mankind, especially if we act secretly, that means we can do something with the mortals as long as we don't draw the attention to us!”

Zeus eyes widened at that. 'Dammit! I hadn't think of that'

“Wait wait wait! Do you mean that I could go take one human secretly, keeping my identity hidden, and I wouldn't break any laws?! Hades asked happily.

“Yup! But it's not for that I bring you here.”

“So what? Tell us already!” Ares shouted, losing his patience.

“I bring all of you here...For a game. A great marvelous game that I just imagined yesterday. I called this game, THE SUPER POWER LOTTERY!!!”

A collective “What?” responded her. Usually her games were more explicit. But now that she said she did that for a game, Zeus was a little reassure.

A little.

“Here is the concept: You know that there is other gods with their own universe but also natural universe with no gods where we can do pretty much everything we want?”

“yes but what it has to do with the game” Poseidon asked, worried as Zeus was.

“I'm getting to it. So the game is like that: I invented a magical device that gives five random superpowers to humans, the powers are limited to five but if the human choose to get less of them the probability to get a more powerful ability will increase. What we will do is simple, I created a false lottery on earth where you will choose a human and make sure that he obtain a winning ticket, then it will be taken to the device where he will gets his powers and then he will be sent to a natural universe I choose for the game. After that you just sit, watch and enjoy what happens!

Everyone stared blankly at her, not knowing what to do after hearing that. Zeus was especially annoyed, that was one stupi-

“THAT.IS.AWESOME” Hades shouted even more happily.

“Why thank you Hades, I imagine that you like the concept?” she asked with a pleased smile.

“If I like it? That's the most cool idea ever!”

“Excuse me but how watching a super powered human is fun?” Ares asked.

“Oh you see, the device will also increase a little the natural chaos of the human, which will increase his sense of adventure and action so I promise it will be fun to watch, trust me.” she responded.

“Really? Now that's interesting...” He muttered pensively.

Immediately, the enjoyment spread like fire on gunpowder and everyone started to talk friendly of what kind of human they will choose while Eris responded to some question.

“All the human will be on the same Universe?”

“Yes and No, they will all be in the same universe but not in the same dimension, they will be separated from one to another, except if you want to associate some of them of course, you decide.”

“What kind of powers they could have?”

“Anything except the most powerful like those which begin with Omni-”

“The increased chaos won't be dangerous?”

“Nope, I made sure that it doesn't do anything aside from increase their taste for action and adventure.”

Zeus decided it was the moment to have a little chat with her so he quickly advanced toward. Sensing him like a snake (that she surely was) she meet her eyes with his owns, her smile never leaving her face.

“Oh Zeus, I'm glad you came to heard me. So what's up?”

“We need to talk Eris” he said

“Yeeaaaaah, no.” She responded.

“Eris...” He growled, not wanting to lose his already underway patience.

“Alright alright! What's the big deal? You think I'm going to do some mischief while you're all playing? I've already said that I'm not here for that. I will participate too you know?” She said, quite annoyed.

Zeus sighed “I know I know...maybe I should be more forgiving, you just want to play game after all...” he responded with a little smile, he looked like much older at that moment.

“Well...thank you.” she said happily before leaving.

Zeus sighed again, maybe it wasn't so bad, he could afford a little relaxation now. And who knows, playing this game could be fun.

'I wonder who has she chosen'. He tough for a moment.

Chapter 1 : Tempting the Universe

*DrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnggggCLONG*

"Shut up you diabolical device from hell" my voice resound in my apartment.

"*yawn* the sun just set up, another good journey is up~" I sing as I'm getting out of my bed.

Hello everyone, you probably don't know me and I don't know you either so here's who I am: Jack Stanford, the one and only. 23 years, single, live in New York, US, Like cats and video games, Student in engineering and that's pretty much everything.
There's not much too say about me aside from that, I'm just a normal man who live his life, nothing never happens to me and even if this is quite boring, I know it's suicide to tempt the Universe on that. Also, I made a break on my studies for a week to take a little rest, play with my friends and all that sort of things. I'm not poor nor rich but I've got what I need so I don't stress myself, It's not like I'm going to be suddenly robbed or something.

Anyway, after taking a shower and peacefully eating my breakfast, which is just some cereals and water (I'm not a big eater), I sit on my desk and turn on my computer to see the last news of the infinite chaos and mayhem that is the internet.

"So...No new interesting video from YouTube...some cool fanfiction...*sigh* well nothing really interesting, let's just continue playing Orc must die 2, It's quite good".

I don't consider myself a nerd but video games are surely the best invention of mankind, I never found anything more entertaining that playing some video games, especially with my bros (my friend but we called ourselves bros after playing Broforce together).
Well there isn't something else more interesting and you now what we say, time flies when you have fun, well this is quite accurate because at the moment I decided I was finally too much bored of playing the same game to continue it was already 11 AM, so I decided to turn off my computer and go walking outside. That could be strange to say that but it make me feel good to walk for some time, to stop thinking about anything and just walk. Maybe I will see something interesting, I don't know.

As I walk in the city, I decided to simply let my my eyes stare at nothing and everything. But there's not much interesting things outside neither, in fact I just realized how my life is boring, how this whole world is boring. I mean there's plenty of interesting thing to do like, say...umm...I don't know in fact, I don't like sports, my friends are all occupied and I don't know what I could play on my computer. So yeah I'm bored and walking is just a manner for me to find something interesting but no chance yet.
Maybe I will travel to another country, see the world and...Ah who am I kidding I don't give a fuck about the rest of the world because I'm already good in my country and I hope it will remain calm. Pfffff even tough I don't want to tempt the Universe there's some moments I really want something to happens.

"*sigh* nothing nothing aaaaannd nothing surprisingly." Yeah I'm quite sarcastic sometimes. Anyone would be at this point.

As I walk toward a small park I spot some sort of...lottery?

"And now what is that?" I question to myself.

I quietly walk toward it and after some approach I find that's indeed a lottery. Which I'm quite surprise of because usually there's absolutely nothing here. In fact there is no one here except for me which is also surprising because there's always some rubes around things like that, but to tempt chance is worst that the Universe.

"Hello mister, would you buy a ticket? It's 20 cents each." the vendor asked me.

"yeah sure why not, Anything to make my life more interesting." I say as I give the money without paying attention.

She chuckle a little "I know the feeling. But don't worry, if you win you're life will get much more interesting" she respond.

I shrugged and decided to head back to my home, I don't really want to continue walking and I'm a little curious to see what I can win...if I win of course, like I say tempting chance is worst that tempting the Universe.

As I enter my apartment I decide to eat first so I put down my stuff and go cooking. Steak and potato, simple but effective.
After eating and placing the dishes, I put out my ticket and read the description.

"scratch the area to see if you win! An incredible travel to the border of imagination for the winner!" I read.

'well here goes nothing' I think before scratching the area.

"*sigh* like I tough it's a...WIN?!" I shout as I see the "win" scribe on the area after scratching it.

"Wow...I mean, YEAH I WIN! But what does I win exactly?" I say to no one particular as I read again the description.

And just to answer my question, I suddenly feel really heavy and begin to fall down.

"what...is...happening?" I say before blacking out completely.

"hey you're with me?" I hear from next to me.

'What happens? Who's with me?' I tough as I slowly regain consciousness.

"Who...who's there?" I ask with difficulty.

"Ah you're awake, good now get up, I need to talk to you" the voice, which seems feminine, ask me.

Without a real choice I decide to do that and get up. After clearing my eyes I can finally see who is talking to me, a pale lady with dark hair, wearing a purple robe but what really stands on her is HER EYES, red with a yellow sclera. Now that's something you don't see all the time.

"Wu-What happens to your eyes?" I ask quite frightened.

She rolls the said eyes before responding "It's my natural look dummy but I'm not here to talk about me, I'm here for you." She respond.

I blink as I don't really understand. Then I suddenly notice I'm not in my apartment anymore but inside a big empty theater of some sort, behind the scene.

"Where am I" I ask.

"I will get to it but first let's make the presentation okay? You're Jack Stanford right?"

"Ye-Yeah but how-"

"I'm Eris, Goddess of Chaos, nice to meet you."

My brain stop completely when I hear that. She was...Eris...the Goddess of Chaos...?

"WHAT?!" I shout in confusion.

"Yeah I know it's incredible and you think it's all a dream and you're in the hospital after having some sort of sudden coma or something but listen: this is real, you're not dreaming, dead or anything." she say.

I pinch the ridge of my nose to help me think of something to say or do but the only thing it does is giving me a headache. The worst is that I'm actually believing her because it's too much realistic to be a dream. So I tempt not only chance but also the Universe?! I'm fucked.

"Okay now listen" she say "I bring you here because you win the lottery, that means you are now my champion for a game I invented, If you don't want to have anything to do with that, you have the right to refuse and go on with you're life, it's your choice"

Really now? I can choose? Well I think it's time for a little brainstorming: so a goddess of chaos just choose me as her champion for a game she created, considering the implication it will be certainly be something big but if I don't want to tempt the Universe even more I can refuse and just return to my life. My boring...lame...life...

"You knew that I would something like that to happen huh?" I say blankly.

"Haven't heard what I said earlier? I know the feeling." She respond.

"Wait you were the vendor?!"

"Of course. How would I choose correctly my champion if I can't see him." She say with a smile.

"Okay okay I accept the offer so what's the game?" I ask.

"Well follow me."

She lead me to the scene where I see a big strange machine which look like a giant penny machine, with five gray buttons on it and a lever on the left. There is also five key bellow each buttons.

"Now listen, the game is simple: this giant machine will give you random superpowers, you can have a maximum of five of them, if you choose to have less you will have more chance to get more powerful abilities. After you've got your powers I will send you to another universe where you will do pretty much everything you want. That's all." She explain to me.

"Hu hu" I respond, not sure where this is going.

I sigh before advancing toward the machine. Guessing the keys serves to choose the number of powers I decide to turn 3 of them because 5 powers won't be very useful. After turning the key a green light appear on the corresponding buttons and the sign begin too roll at a very high pace, preventing me from seeing anything on it.

"well let's go" I say to myself.

I quickly press all the buttons and immediately their corresponding sign stops, showing the result.

-Metal mimicry.

-Auto-reflex.

-Gamma radiation manipulation.

"Here you go" Eris say happily "Not bad, not bad at all, now push the lever."

I do as she say, pushing the lever, then a strange mechanical noise comes from the machine. It suddenly stop and a drawer open on front of me, inside was a lonely golden gel capsule. I rise an eyebrow and take it.

"I need to swallow that?" I ask.

"Yep, go on!" she respond.

'OK, Here I go.' I tough before swallowing the capsule.

The second I feel it entering my stomach, I immediately start to pass out...again. Seriously why it have to be like that? *Sigh* I knew I shouldn't have tempted the Universe.

Chapter 2 : I never asked for that

"*yawn* Woa! Was I sleeping?" I ask myself as I slowly get up from...grass?

Yes grass. I was sleeping...on grass...What the fuck just happened? And why my skin is all grayish and...

"Wait WHAT?!" I shout. All my skin was now gray!

'What's that? Am I dreaming?'

Just to verify this hypothesis, I held my hand and slap myself into the face-

"Owowowowow!" I scream. For a moment I tough I've broke my jaws!

I take a look at my hand, my grayish hand. Or maybe silverish hand in fact, it kinda look likes some metal...

"Metal..." I mutter pensively.

Then it hit me.

"Oh no..." I say anxiously as I remember the event of yesterday. The ticket, the lady, the theater, the deal...

I can't believe it, this was REAL?! Now even though I'm an open-minded person I absolutely don't believe in gods. In fact I always tough that the true concept of gods is completely ridiculous. And now a real goddess, the freaking goddess of Chaos, Eris herself, visited ME?! That makes no sense, I'm just a normal guy with no ambition! Why did she choose me to participate in her game? I mean, it's quite an honor but now I have to cope with the fact that I am in another universe and that I got 3 superpowers.

“mmmm what were they by the way?” I ask myself. “Let's see...hem…there was Auto-Reflex...Gamma radiation manipulation and well metal mimicry.

This last one quite proved me that it worked. That explain the silverish skin tough. In fact, when I think about it, it's kinda cool. I've got a metal body so I'm pretty durable, I can manipulate gamma radiation which are really powerful (being a sort-of nerd quite help knowing that) and I've got Auto-Reflex which means that I can automatically evade attacks if I'm right. Man I'm kind of a big deal now! Of course I know nothing about this universe and I'm sure I will get my ass kicked for having tough that, so let's not getting to much cocky right now, I don't want to temps the universe even more.

“Well I should be happy. I wanted something to happens and you know what? something happens! Incredible don't ya think?” Did I said kinda sarcastic? Well in fact I'm always sarcastic when the occasion show up. It's a good thing you know? That means that I'm not going to held my head and cry or start descending into madness.

'So! Grumbling on my new condition won't lead me anywhere, so what do I do?' I tough.

Well the question was kinda simple, but also quite complicated. I surely can't return home, not only because Eris won't let me do that but also because I, well, don't really want to go back. I mean if you were living an eternity of nearly boredom, and then you suddenly throw into another world by a god (well a goddess in my case) which also gives you one to fives superpowers and let you do anything you want, would you go back to the boredom? Even though this world might be dangerous, and I know that I'm now without home, money or food but I can cope with that. The thing is, for all the disadvantages, you are still much better here than home. Just take it easy and live with what you've got.

'So what could I do? Why not exploring this world? It's kinda cool when you think about it. Yeah I think I could do that. But first of all...'

“I need to see if there is any sort of civilization nearby” I said. Considering how boring it would be to watch someone wander into a completely inhabited world I'm pretty sure that the world where Eris send me is occupied. However, I don't think they could be humans, the probability of that is really small. But I can cope with aliens. Well, inter-dimensional aliens in that case.
“Let's see what I got nearby.” I quietly said.

As I look around (and get up by the same occasion), I saw that I'm in some sort of big clearing, with a small layer of grass and flowers. I saw a big forest on my left but that's for another time, I don't want to know what are the super-predators of this world right now. To my right I saw a quite elevated hill in the distance, which is perfect because I needed a good viewpoint.

“Well let's go” I said. The hill wasn't too far but I needed to walk a little before reaching it, so I begin to walk in it's direction.

If there is something that I really appreciate in my new condition, it's that I don't feel really different. Maybe a little more heavy but it's barely noticeable. Apart from that I don't have any issues to walk, breath or anything. I'm quite glad of that because I don't want to live in a body that feels constantly uncomfortable.
Also the world were I was sent is really beautiful, green all over the land, clear blue sky, truly what you would see in a fantasy world. Maybe exploring this place could more than just fun, I could get used to a such a wonderful world. In mine, there isn't much places like that left.

So after a little walk I finally reach the hill which is even taller than I tough. Perfect viewpoint indeed. I tranquilly walk to the top and admire the view.

“wow...” Is all I can say as I stare to this world. It was even better from above: more green that seems to extend indefinitely, a forest so big that I couldn't see the end and what seem to be some sort of...village?

'Is that...a middle age village?' I tough as I look upon it. The house seemed to be made of wood and stone with a straw roof. I couldn't see any sort of advanced technology. Maybe I am in a fantasy world, these always seems to be blocked into the middle age. But that wasn't a big deal, as long they have showers and bathroom that is.

'Well, better keep moving. Let's see what we have here.'

With this tough in mind, I start to walk toward the village. It's not like I have a better choice anyways and I need some bit of information on this world at last.

“And I say YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHYEAHEH~” I sing happily as I continue to walk toward the village.

It's been a long time since I’d sung. Usually, that means my mental condition is good. Also it help beguile the time while walking, because there's not much else to do and I really wanted to sing that song. After all it helped me discover the internet.
I also notice that I've been walking quite a long time and the sun was beginning to fold, so I decided to accelerate the pace a bit. Everybody knows that, in a fantasy world, the worst monsters always comes out at night and I don't want to makes friends with them. Fortunately the village wasn't very far anymore. Unfortunately, I was beginning to heard strange noise coming from the wood that follow the plains where I was. I'm even sure I've seen some sort of green eyes in the forest, no idea what that was but don't want to find out now.

Finally, after a long march, I was in front of the village. Which now that I take a closer look at it, is really some sort of middle age city with straw for roof, stone for walls and all that stuff. I was also hearing some talks. But what was truly surprising, is that they seemed to be...ENGLISH?!

“What the fuck? They speak English? How is that possible?” I asked myself.

The idea that I could in fact have fallen into a human world came to my mind but I wasn't really sure, so I decided to investigate. I enter the village and move toward the voice, particularly one that seemed to speak alone. As I move around the corner of the house next near the voice, it seemed to came towards me. And then I saw...nothing?

“WOA?! What is that?!” A feminine voice yells in front of me.

'Huh? Who said that?' I tough confusingly.

The voice seemed to come from a little more lower than me, so I lower myself...and I saw it…

A blue...black maned...yellow eyed…little pony...with big cartoon eyes…

I think the sentence “What the actual fuck” describe the situation well.

“Who are you?” she respond with a clearly surprised look on her face.

Oh excuse me, a blue, black maned, yellow eyed, TALKING, little pony with big cartoon eyes.

What the actual fuck indeed.