THIS IS EVERYTHING IN LIFE YOU KNOW OF, EXCEPT REALLY SCREWED UP.

by D Styles

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1340

You, a bunch of ponies, and your trusty leather belt, embark on an adventure to save the universe!

Oh dear, I'm afraid this will cause your mind to blow up.
Your name is Buck Bad-Flank, the very world you know is on the verge of destruction.
Your cutie mark is Celestia in a tag team with Chuck Norris, both are beating Satan up. It also plays your theme music.
Our only hope now is that you and your leather belt can prevent this catastrophe from occurring
So go forth, in an adventure, were the forth walls are broken, and the Walrus people are the dominate race.
Where the water is composed of hypodermic needles and the mice are holy.
This is the most messed up story ever.
Run to my other, more serious story now, while you can.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-17 18:48:30 UTC

Don't read this...RUN! NOW!

I'm going to kill myself if this is published.

This branches off from the first Doctor Whooves encounter in my other story, 'A Dragon's Pain'

Once upon a time, There was a pony that was a pony and that pony was you because you are a pony but you were a human turned pony like lolwut. One day you walked down a street and saw a bug and was like,

"Hullo bug!"

Then the bug pulled out a handgun and was like, "Mofo you mocking me?"

Then you were like, "Oh noes!" but you were shot about 50 gazillion times in your anal cavity.

Oh yes, whether you like it or not, you are a male whose name is Buck Bad-Flank and your cutie mark is Celestia and Chuck Norris tag teaming on Satan, why Celestia? Because you slept with her around 20 hundred times, You aren't an alicorn, but you don't give a shit, your just a normal pony, but you want to live forever, so you are gonna live forever, no one really cares. Anyway, don't expect me to know how you became a pony, you make that shit up.

Anyway, you were stuck in Equestria for 60 hundred million years, before Celestia and Luna were even born, now they rule and the mane six exist and all that crap. So one day you were walking down the street when a large meteor came crashing down on one vendor's stand, causing the pony to explode and other ponies within the 109842 foot radius to light up on fire, you don't care much, but you decide to help the mane six because you thought the were hot and occasionally cheated on Celestia for one of them or Luna or another side character of your choice. You help a few up ( Vinyl, Lyra, Ditzy, Big Mac, etc. ) Some like Octavia and Braeburn were in Canterlot and Appleloosa accordingly, so they were safe. They all looked at you seductively

You go back to your house to go clop to some humans, but you find Twilight there wreaking your pc, because she failed at using it, not big surprise, considering she blew up the microwave causing radiation to go every where and turned Pinkie Pie into an alicorn, and Fluttershy into a tree, but it didn't last long for Fluttershy since she was already was a tree, but rumors was that a pink alicorn was threatening to nuke Manehatten.

Twilight was screaming at the pc and you were like, "No! my pr0nz!" and landed a big bitchslap on Twilight who then retaliated by almost ripping your nipples off.

You two were tugging at each other's nipples when the Mane four came in.

Rainbow Dash was like, "Let me in on that fun!"

Rarity started to clop furiously.

Applejack started to kick apples into Fluttershy's--

But that was a dream, and you had the biggest boner ever.

I don't do clop fics, shoo if that's what you want.

Anyway you were sleeping in this large comfy place that was a blue police box, you knocked out the owner, a chestnut coated stallion, and pickpocked him and stayed in here. Anyway, you go outside and it was bright and sunny  then you got shot a good twelve times in the head.

You wake up and The Mane Six was all like "WWAAAZZZZUUUPPPP"

You were all like "RAGGLE-FRAGGLE" and blew up.

But you were still alive. Twilight was all like, "We gotta save this world."

You were like "How?"

And Twilight opened a portal and kicked you in.

You woke up in an alternate universe that had Twilight in front of you, she was holding a large map and was like, "Hey! You need to stop the army of heavily armed super walrus men that fly on Dino-sharks with lazers on their heads and have chain guns that shoot out handguns that shoot out grenades that blow up into Pinkie Pies who are armed with party cannons that shoot out brain-dead Trollestias who rip half of themselves off and heal while the other side becomes a Molestia and they throw up rainbows filled with lulz and have access to randomly spawning cannons!"

You were like,

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

With no good reason. You then ran out of this Twilight's home and was greeted by a huge ass crab. It was beating down the jets and pegasi and shit, so you decided to kill it. You start running at it, but it smashes you and breaks you back. You now crippled, you rolled down a loooonnnnnggggg hill

At the bottom where the Walrus men. Turns out they are actually just harmless hobos, but you don't care, you take off your leather belt, and after a long series of slaps, whips, and strangles, you kill all the Walrus men.

Meanwhile.....

The Doctor stirred...."Ugh....My head....wha--- THE TARDIS! WERE DID IT GO!? Oh. Never mind. It's right here. As the doctor went in however, a huge ass TV crushed the TARDIS.

Then...

The I in It was still looking for T.

Suddenly...

You ran down the street, and purely by coincidence, you kicked and killed a insignificant background pony.

You run toward the crab just so you can kill it, also, your spine healed. Or something.

Anyway, you reach the giant enemy crab and....well, play some bad ass music, or imagine it. While I'm typing, I'm listening to this. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I'M TIRED AND CONFUSED AND THE SUN DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. THERE IS NO POINT WITH MUSIC. THE BATTLE IS FREAKING SHORT.

You remove your leather belt then jump upon the crab's claw, and run the length of it's arm. It attempts to shake you off, and you fly off, however, you latch onto it with your belt then go ahead and proceed to fright your way back onto the crab. The crab was getting really pissed at this point, and attempted to smash you with it's opposite claw. You avoid it, doing a barrel roll. Screaming in rage, you run into it's top, then smash it.

BOOMBOOMBOOMEXPLODEBOOMBOOMBOOM

You walk away from the exploding crab. Not looking back. Cool ponies don't look at explosions.

So, you are congratulated by the entire Equestria, not only because you killed the Walrus men, but also because you killed the giant enemy crab. All of a sudden, you came face to face with your greatest enemy, and arch-nemesis. Princess Molestia.

You wake up to find various pole-like objects in your anal cavity, then accordingly pass out again.

You wake up yet again. This time in the middle of a dark alley. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are right in front of you.

"Are you okay?" They ask.

What's your move?

Stay there.

Get the hell outta there.

After you get out of the alley, you find that your not in Ponyville anymore. But in Manehatten. No sign of Pink Alicorn.

As you progress down the street, you see that, in the distance, there was a lone home. It's light still on. You decide to check it out, because you have no clue what's happening. And in dire need of supplies. Oh wait. Your Buck Bad-Flank. You don't need shit to survive.

FAST TRAVEL

As you looked in through the windows, you see the part in 'My Little Dashie' were Rainbow has to leave. Even a bad-flank like you sheds manly tears, then you bust in and drop kick Celestia. All while yelling "BBBBEEEEEEEE-YYYYEEEEECCCHHH"

YOUR VERY MEANING OF LIFE IS NOW RUINED. YOU ARE NOW PREGNANT.

Okay. Let's try to finish this, I need to work and light shit on fire.

So you walk down a side walk when you see a pony with a nice plot. Then you come on to the pony like "Hey there..."

But then, the most shocking thing happened when the pony said...

DON'T KNOW IF WANT

Hey. Could have been worse. Just a quickie, like I said, check out my other story for a better read....I think.