To Be a Friend of the Doctor...

by Drunken Hoof Style

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Tragedy
Length: 8869

Tellis Argonis, the Doctor's friend, saves all in his path

Its just like any other day in Ponyville, until Tellis comes along, bringing all his troubles with him. His Connections to the Doctor have put his life at risk and all around him, he thinks that he's escaped those that pursue him. he's dead wrong.
Small amounts of alcohol use, there's guns, and yes, sompony gets shot, tis but a flesh wound, I say! The Doc doesn't show up till ch. 4, so if you are impatient and don't like long stories, then nuts to you.

Cast and characters:
Tellis Argonis, OC, age 25( at the time)
the Mane 6
Doctor Whooves
Lyra Heartstrings

Also, Check out my other story,New Ponyville Days!
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/23101/New-Ponyville-Days

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-01 16:10:11 UTC

The most unlikely of heros

To Be the Doctor's Friend...

(Clever title, eh?)

--{[/%/]}--Written by Argonianclaw--{[/%/]}--

Copyright of Hasbro and Lauren Faust

(--{[/%/]}--doubles as a scene changer and as a slight perspective shifter, there still is a narrator, but he/she is narrating what the current focus character is experiencing)

Alright, this story takes place about 1.76 years after the Elements of Harmony revealed themselves. The mane 6 are going to be a big part of the story, but not until later on. But Twilight is gonna be introduced early on, but not in the best way. Eventually, Tellis’s misadventures will start to get serious as it goes down. He doesn’t make the brightest choices, and doesn’t have the best of luck at times, but he stays cool and knows that the friends he gains along the way will back him up in any situation. Tellis is kind of halfway a Magnificent Bastard and the other half is a klutzy SOF (Expect him to get the hell beat out of him multiple times throughout the series) that seems to lean up against a lot of things, but he does have legit-type money. The inspiration for this is from my imaginary brother, which I just made up, chimicherichangas, and a little song called Up and Away by Cant Stop Wont Stop. And BTW, this is my first fanfic ever for anything.

Why hello! I am the narrator. I am here to tell you the tale of an unlikely hero, a stallion of the name Tellis Argonis. Strange name, I know. But he’s one of the greatest ponies you’ll ever meet, and has one of the most bizarre cutie marks in all of Equestria…

It is night, it’s about to storm over the Everfree Forest, but that isn’t the setting quite yet, the actual setting is two hours back, just outside of Ponyville. Tellis (a darkened lavender Earth pony with a white mane) was leaning up against a fence post while enjoying the last of his food, a daisy sandwich with pickles, mmhmh .As he enjoyed his meal, he watched Celestia lower the sun another day. He adjusted his light-blue do-rag (I know, amazing, right?), and then, chomped down on the last bit of his sandwich and then thought about his new life in Ponyville that he was about to start tomorrow.

He decided to go to his little shack in the woods just inside of Everfree Forest, where he was living until he could find a house in Ponyville. It wasn’t too terrible, I mean it had basic creature comforts, a warm bed, and storage space, there was a water pump outside, and it weathered well against the elements. As he walks inside his humble dwelling, he noticed that something was off. He’d been robbed! The small cupboard that he stashed his bag of bits was empty!

“Awwww! Just great, that’s just real perfect, now who would take a pony’s cash like that? Cmon!” After groaning over his lost funds for a time, Tellis realized something; he doesn’t have any money to pay for a house in Ponyville now!

His irritation turned into rage now. Shouting swears that would make fillies cry as he flailed about, he accidentally smashed the firefly lamp on the small table next to him, making it dark and cutting his foreleg, which he rubbed with the other to soothe the small but painful scratch and slightly damaged his dark(not too dark) brown jacket . He couldn’t sleep, now with the

weight of the lost bits on his mind. He decided to go outside, which was a good idea because the shack wasn’t as sturdy as he thought, and it collapsed when he slammed the door, oops.

It was night now. Luna really outdid herself tonight, the moon shone brightly enough to see well in the dark forest. Tellis wasn’t scared of the creatures that lived in the forest,or so he thought. He walked down a path, angrily grumbling to himself until he reached a small clearing, where the moonlight shone the brightest. There were several boulders covered in thick moss at the center of the area, which Tellis decided to lean up against to ease his troubled mind. The moss was soft, and it calmed Tellis down a bit as he closed his eyes and sighed. Then, suddenly there was rustling in the bushes nearby.

”Oh, what now?” Tellis asked himself. He was quickly answered by several raccoons that jumped out of the bush.

Ah, just some raccoons-huh? Tellis noticed that one of the raccoons was pointing at something in the opposite direction he was facing. When he turned, he saw one of the biggest timberwolves he had ever seen!

“Oh, hay…” Tellis calmly said as the timberwolf howled as loud as he could, signaling his nearby kin. Tellis bolted from the clearing and he noticed that storm clouds were rolling in awfully fast. He decided to head back into town if he were to escape the timberwolves unscathed. There were several chasing him now, but he had a good ten feet lead on them.

“Hooves, don’t fail me now!” Tellis shouted as he ran out of the forest, onto the road to Ponyville, the timberwolves not far behind. While rushing to town in a most urgent manner, Tellis ran into a metal trash can at the edge of town, making a racket and causing him to fall down. He was too scared to feel his bruised knee as he lay on the ground looking behind him. He saw that the timberwolves were backing up a bit! It must have been the trashcan! He picked up the lid in his teeth and flung it at the trashcan, making more noise, scaring the timberwolves back further. He then bucked the can, making the biggest noise of all! This scared the timberwolves completely away, allowing Tellis to breathe easy for a second. But the peace didn’t last, for the Ponyville resident that lived at the nearby house came outside, “What’s all that racket, now? Wha-my trashcan!”

“Sorry miss! I’ll pay for it, I promise!” Tellis called out as he ran into town…

--{[/%/]}--

While in the middle of town, Tellis didn’t see anywhere to sleep, and it was about to rain. But then he spied a much better option than standing in the rain all night, the book sign that hung on the library.

“Aha, the library! I bet I could sleep there!” Tellis reasoned to nopony in particular. As Tellis walked over to the library, he saw that the thunder and clouds had gotten louder and thicker. The door was locked, darn. That never stopped Tellis before, after looking around a bit, he pulled a lock pick out from his jacket pocket(pockets, the greatest things ever) with his teeth,”Nefvher leaf home wiffou ih.” Tellis said through gritted teeth as he picked the lock to the library.

--{[/%/]}--

Inside, Twilight Sparkle was lying in bed, sleeping soundly when a massive crash of thunder violently woke her up with a shout.

“Ahh! Spike, are you awake?” the small, purple dragon stirred slightly in his sleep. ”Well, nothing wakes you up, does it, Spike?” Still no reply from the slumbering dragon, Twilight sighed as she got up out of bed. She couldn’t get back to sleep now, so she decided to go downstairs and read until she could get to sleep.

--{[/%/]}--

Tellis heard the creaking of the boards upstairs, and he realized how deep he was in it if he was discovered. He rushed into the next room as swiftly and as quietly as possible and he thought, Oh, Celestia, give me a break! He held his breath as the building’s guard reached the bottom of the stairs. He was more focused on not being caught, but he saw that this building was more like a house than a—his thoughts were interrupted by the guard suddenly walking in the kitchen. Tellis was hiding in the far corner, behind a coat rack. He heard the guard say something like “But first…” and heard a fridge open. He got slightly lower and that was his mistake because when he did, his hind hooves gave out from under him while he was leaning up against the wall, knocking over the coat rack and falling over as well.

As she magically manipulated the light switch to turn on, the guard shouted, “What the?! Who are you?!”

Tellis tried to respond, “Miss, I know what this loo—“

“Burglar! Spike! Call the police; get help, sompony, and help!” The guard was frantically yelling, as Tellis stood up, the guard shouted, “OH, no you don’t!” and conjured a magical bubble around Tellis’s head. He couldn’t breathe, he gasped and gasped for air, but it was useless. Seconds later, he passed out, banging his head on the kitchen’s center island on the way down.

--{[/%/]}--

Now there wasn’t any real police force in Ponyville, there was hardly a sheriff, and the neighborhood watch was useless, as you saw. So Twilight just tied the intruder up with some rope that was in the closet (well, where do you store your rope?) and left him in the middle of the library floor, unconscious.

“Well, what do we do with him, Twilight?” Spike asked while scratching the top of his head and yawning.

“I suppose we should turn him in to Sheriff Six Shooter tomorrow.”  Twilight answered, “But I want to see something first…his cutie mark, what is it?” The burglar’s cutie mark looked strange indeed; it looked a little bit like a blue two-headed snake that had a magical aura around it. It really was bizarre. If she didn’t have a book about it, she would have to ask him what it was, while he rots in prison.

Five minutes later, the Burglar began to wake up. “What the- He shouldn’t be awake! “Spike shouted when the Burglar opened an eye.

“Just can’t catch a break…” The Burglar groaned as he sat up.

“But-but-I used… and you-“Twilight stammered out.

“Yeah, thanks for that, I really appreciate the brain damage “The Burglar Grumbled back trying to reach his head with his tied up hooves. “Well, maybe that I'm tied up, you'll feel like talking, I guess." He got up into a seated position on the floor

"Wait, but how are you awake? I mean, I don’t see how that’s possible. Tell me! “Twilight demanded.

The Burglar answered "Well, if it makes you happy… Ponies have always said I had a thick skull, and I used to live near the ocean, where I swam my little heart out, all day, every day. I just pretended to pass out, just didn't expect to slam into that counter in there."

"Island, “Twilight corrected.

"Whatever. Now about that conversation..."The Burglar coolly continued

"You're kidding, right?" Twilight asked her captive with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, yeah, at least let me tell you why I was here before you try to choke me out again!" The Burglar snapped.

--{[/%/]}--

Tellis tried to explain to a disbelieving Twilight that he was at the library looking for a place to sleep, which he was, but, as you know, that sounded like a very unbelievable story to begin with. And to make matters worse. He does kind of look slightly like a burglar himself, with the scratches and dirt on his clothes and everything. Tellis also told Twilight his name, and the events leading up to the present, including an unnecessary recount of his capture.

“Well, “Twilight said,” If you’re telling the truth, which I doubt it, then 1: you are dumber than you look. 2: why come to a library to sleep? And 3: you’re going to pay that pony for that trashcan.”

The rain was pouring down like little bees were falling from the sky now.

“Well, coming here seemed like a good idea at the time…”Tellis Innocently said.

“Well, it was a bad idea,” Twilight said as she went to the kitchen to get that food she was trying to get earlier. She returned to the main room with an apple and said, “Well, I guess you are free to go, in the morning though. As punishment for breaking into my home, I’ll just leave you tied up until then. I should just throw you out in the rain, but I’m feeling charitable

“Ai ya… well that’s just perfect, “Tellis complained.

“Hey, I could call Sheriff Shooter at any time, “Twilight had a devious look on her face.

“Hold on, now we don’t have to do anything rash, well, more rash than before.” Tellis raised his bound hooves defensively as he said this.

Well, where did you say you were from, again?” Twilight questioned her prisoner, “And about that cutie mark…”

“What, this thing? Well, I’m not quite sure, but I was told that it’s a symbol of great importance in the land or some other crap by this old mare I passed by on my way to Ponyville, I wasn’t paying that much attention to her. Why do you want to know, anyways? And where I’m from isn’t important right now. So could you please not ask again?”

Twilight answered “Okay...Well, I’ve never seen something like that before, and I certainly haven’t read anything about that before. Wel,I just can’t leave you here alone. Spike… Spike! Wake up Spike!!”Twilight smacked the dragon on the top of his head.

Spike groggily lifted his head from the couch “Ow! Huh? What? Twilight is that guy-“

“Spike, I need you to watch our friend until morning, got it? “Twilight ordered Spike.

“Aww, do I have to?” Spike asked with a yawn.

“Yes, Spike you do, I have a really busy day tomorrow and I need to go back to sleep.”

Spike angrily stamped back over to the couch and sat down, “You know, Twilight should have-" Tellis was sleeping soundly on the floor. “Ah, forget it.”

The Mare With the Gun

Chapter 2: The Mare With the Gun

--{[/%/]}--

Tellis was rudely woken up by being jabbed in the head with a broom handle by a magic-wielding Twilight sparkle, “Wake up, genius.”

“Ah, man- it isn’t morning yet…”Tellis said with one eye open. Twilight jabbed Tellis in the neck this time with the broom. ”Ouch! Are ya tryin to kill me?”

“Get up! I don’t want somepony to see a random stranger leaving my house in the middle of the day. Now, let me untie you, so you can finally get out of here!” Twilight said, irritated with the childish behavior of her “guest”.

“Well, ”Tellis said as he twisted his back and neck, his joints cracking like so many firecrackers, “I’ve had worse nights, can you actually believe I fell asleep during a forest fire once? Almost killed me, it did! Thank Celestia for random holes in the middle of the woods!”

“ Ughh, just get out of here, Tellis.” Twilight groaned.

“Alright, well I guess I’ll be off, then,” Tellis happily strode out the door. “You know, I have the feeling that this is gonna be the beginning of a beautiful-“The door slams behind him.

--{[/%/]}--

Now all Tellis wanted to do was to go to the nearest bar and have several shots of Buck Daniels to just forget the past 24 hours, but he had very little money on him since yesterday. Besides, all the bars are closed until 12 o’ clock. Tellis just started walking onward through the muddy streets, like he always did. He really thought he would be able to settle down for once in his wretched, chaotic life. Take it slow for a while, you know? He just wandered around town for a couple of hours until Celestia raised the sun for another day. “Hey, what day is it?” Tellis asked himself.

“Why, it’s Saturday, silly!” answered a pink pony that seemingly came out of nowhere, making Tellis’s heart skip a beat and a half.

“Wha! What the- Where’d you come from?” Tellis said, surprised. He looked around, he was in the middle of the road with no one else around but this pink pony and he, and wondered how she could have snuck up on him.

The strange pony shook her rear right leg and said, “My leg was itchy, and that meant somepony new was in town!” “Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie,what’s your name?

“Uhh, Tellis,” Tellis slowly answered.

Why hello, Tellis, It’s just so great to meet you!” Said the pony as she pulled out a small cannon from nowhere. “I believe that all new ponies in Ponyville should have a party!” She said as she activated the cannon, shooting confetti and streamers all around Tellis, “By the way, my names Pinkie Pie! Oh, I’m always so excited to meet new ponies! Meet me at Sugarcube corner at 1 o’ clock, okay?” She called out as she ran off towards Celestia knows where with her cannon. After the initial shock of the whole situation wore off, Tellis realized he liked this Pinkie Pie as he swept the confetti out of his hair.

--{[/%/]}--

After wandering around Ponyville some more, Tellis saw in the distance, down a road just outside of Ponyville, a low to the ground tree-house looking building, and he could see something in the window of the tree-house from where he was something familiar. He squinted his eyes; it was his saddlebag full of bits!  He happily trotted over to the tree house, where he heard several voices, young fillies, by the sound of it. Tellis put his ear near the wall of the tree house.

“Well, crusading didn’t go as well as we thought yesterday,” One voice said.

“Yeah, I really thought we would get our cutie marks that time,” Said another.

“I guess treasure huntin’ ain’t our special talent, after all,” Said a third voice. “But hey, we did find that ol’ saddlebag fulla money at that rickety shack out in the woods! Ah mean, think of all the candy we can buy now!”

“Why those little…” Tellis muttered under his breath.

“Yeah!” The first voice called out. They all started laughing together. Tellis rubbed his hooves together, “Ohh-kay… I’m gonna need a plan,” Tellis thought out loud, but quietly,” I can just bust in there and scare the hay out of those little ones, grab my money, and get the buck out of here, but that seems like a bad plan. I’ll need a more subtle appro-“Tellis’s planning was interrupted by the distinct sound of a shotgun cocking.

“Mister, ah suggest that you turn around, an’ put your hooves above your head, real slow-like,” Commanded a voice behind Tellis. He did as he was told, and he saw that the wielder of the shotgun was an orange mare wearing an old cowboy hat and an angry look on her face. “Now, what in tarnation do you think you’re doin’ on this here apple orchard?”

“I…Uh…I,” Tellis could barely get out the words out as he watched the mare point the barrel of the gun at his chest.

“Well? Spit it out!” The mare shouted.

--{[/%/]}--

“Shh! Do you guys hear that? That sounds like Applejack!” Scootaloo told her friends.

“Do you really think so?” asked Sweetie Bell.

“Yeah, I do. Let’s go see what’s up, c’mon Applebloom,” Scootaloo said as she poked her friend in the back to snap her out of her staring match she was having with the pile of bits that lay on the table.

“Oh! Okay, let’s go, then…”Applebloom answered as she walked over to the door.

“Applejack? Is that you out there?” asked Applebloom as she opened the door to the tree house, her two friends following behind. “What’s goin’ o-“she stopped her question when she saw a stranger being held at gunpoint by her sister.

“Well, ah caught this here varmint sneakin’ around your clubhouse, girls, and he’s ‘bout to get a face fulla lead If he don’t start talkin’, fast.” Applejack answered the fillies as she raised the gun to point at a terrified Tellis’s face. “Well, mister?”

Actually, its nonlethal salt shot instead of ball shot [it wouldn’t be called buckshot over there, now would it?], there’s fillies around, for Celestia’s sake! Plus, even though AJ is the element of honesty, I believe that she can bluff to a total stranger trespassing on her family’s land if she had to.

The stranger replied fearfully, “Well, you see here, miss, this whole situation is just a great big misunderstanding, and-“

“That’s bull spit, and you know it, just tell me why you’re here!” Applejack yelled at her hostage.

“Okay, okay!” Tellis quickly responded, “I’m here to get my money back from these three little thieves.”

Applejack didn’t lower her gun,” What d’ ya mean, thieves?”

Applebloom answered her sister with a glum look on her face, “um, AJ, ah think ah know what he means…”

Applejack lowered her gun slightly with a puzzled expression on her face,” Applebloom…what did ya do? Did you steal from this guy?” she lowered the gun more and standing on three legs now, still pointing it in the general area of Tellis. This is extremely dangerous, because Equestrian guns don’t have finger guards! Luckily, the shotgun didn’t go off!

“We didn’t steal the money!” Sweetie Bell protested, “We found it fair and square in the Everfre-“

“Shh! Sweetie Bell!” Scootaloo shushed her friend while staring lasers at her.

“Y’all went into the Everfree forest without anypony tah watch you? Just what in the Sam Hill were you three thinkin?!” Applejack scolded the three fillies while she rested her gun on her shoulder.

“Well, we thought could get our cutie marks if we went treasure huntin’, just like in them Daring Do books Scootaloo told us about. We found the treasure, but we didn’t find any cutie marks…” Applebloom sullenly explained to her sister.

“Well, ahm just glad y’all three are okay. Sorry for the fright, uhh, what’s your name, stranger? ” Applejack looked back at Tellis as she said this.

“Argonis, Tellis Argonis. Can I put my hooves down now?” Tellis said in his best James Bronco impersonation. His hind legs began to shake slightly from standing up on them for so long.

“Yeah, again, sorry for scarin’ you like that, it’s just that there’s always a pony or two tryin’ to steal our Zap-Apples right about this time of year, and when ah saw ya’ sneakin’ around this here clubhouse…” Applejack admitted.

“Zap…apples?” Tellis asked with a curious smile.

Applebloom spoke up, “You don’t know about Zap-Apples? They’re real special apples that only grow a few days a year! An’ Granny Smith makes the best Zap-Apple Jam in all of Equestria with ‘em!”

“Now, that I gotta try.” Tellis said whilst nodding his head.

“Applebloom, stop gabbing an’ give this pony his hard-earned bits back, now.” Applejack sternly told her sister.

The three fillies collectively sighed in disappointment as they went inside to retrieve Tellis’s money. Applejack turned back to Tellis and asked, “So, Tellis, what brings ya’ here to Ponyville?”

“Well, I was planning on moving here, to slow down, you know? Just get away from all the BS in the cities…I heard Ponyville was just the place to do that.” Tellis answered Applejack.

“Yeah, I hear ya’, Tellis, say, what city did you come from?” Applejack replied to Tellis.

“Uhh…Fillydelphia.” Tellis lied to Applejack.

The three fillies returned with Tellis’s saddlebag, an old, patchy thing made of grayed denim and other random scraps of material. “We’re really sorry for taking your money, Mr. Argonis.” Sweetie Bell apologized as Applebloom gave Tellis his bag with her teeth. Tellis took it with his.

“Pleash, cah me Telish,” Tellis said as he swung the saddlebag out of his mouth and onto him with style.

“Shoot. No wonder y’all thought that old thing was lost treasure!” Applejack jested. All five ponies bust out laughing for about thirteen-point-seventy-six seconds.

Diamond in the Ruff

Chapter 3: Diamond in the Ruff

“Say, what time is it?” Tellis asked.

“Oh, ahd say around eleven, why’d you ask?”

Tellis told them all about him meeting Pinkie Pie and the party she said she’d throw him.

“Aww, can we come?” Scootaloo asked Tellis.

“Well, I guess kid, as long as it’s okay with Applejack here, that is,” Tellis replied to Scootaloo.

“It’s all right with me, Tellis, just be sure you go an’ find Pinkie and tell her ‘no booze’, ‘kay? Sorry ah can’t come with y’all, but ahm real busy and need to get back to selling Zap-Apple Jam” Applejack told Tellis.

“Will do, hey do you know where I can get some new duds? These ones are getting kind of…destroyed.” Tellis asked Applejack.

“Well, there’s Rarity’s Boutique, but ah don’t think she’ll take you as you is, Tellis, you might wanna head over to that spa in town. Ah hear that it’s just the right sort of place fer whatcha need.” Applejack told Tellis.

“A spa? Really? Well… That sounds like a grrreat idea! I mean, I’ve literally been to tartaurus and back like 5 times in the past 2 days. I deserve some freakin R&R!” Tellis shouted out into the heavens as he ran off, laughing like a madpony.

“Ya know, ah think him and Pinkie are gonna get along just dandy...”Applejack whispered to herself.

--{[/%/]}--

Tellis entered the door of the spa, walked over to the counter and said as he slammed his bag of bits on the counter revealing the coins inside of it, “I… need… a spa!”

The mare behind the counter was lazily filing her hoof said, “Sir, this is a spa, not a hospital, I mean, just look at you!” then, she actually looked up and saw the small fortune laid before her,” Oh, my… girls! We have a customer! Double it, now! Its go time! What do you need, sir? “

“Gimmie the works,” Said Tellis as he pointed at a sign with the words "The Works, 100 bits" on it.  Now Tellis was going to use all of the money to buy a house in Ponyville, but he’d forgotten all about that, now all he cares about is living life to its fullest. It’s amazing how much a gun in your face can change your outlook on life. An hour later, the spa treatment was done. ”Wow, that was pretty fast… but effective!” Said a cleaned up, refreshed-looking Tellis. He tossed his old clothes in a trash can a, white shirt and a dusty brown jacket, “Don’t need those anymore!

Tellis walked outside, where he looked up into the sky and saw an airship in the distance, “How’s the weather up there!” he shouted at the passengers of the faraway craft. They didn’t seem to hear him. Tellis headed over to where applejack told him Rarity’s Boutique was. But before he could go inside, Tellis had a sense of terrible foreboding, like something awful was about to happen. He couldn’t quite put his hoof on it, but it was something about the air. It seemed…different than before. It smelled the same, tasted the same, but it just felt…like there was a heaviness to it. Like Tellis was walking through the thinnest of mist. He decided that it was something at the spa that made him have that sensation, and continued on his way into the Boutique to get some new duds.

A sign read above the door ‘Carousel Boutique’ and Tellis smiled when he read this. A bell rang as Tellis walked inside the store. “Um, hello? Is Rarity in? I was told this was THE place to get clothes.” Tellis called out into a big main room.

“I’ll be right there, darling, don’t you worry! Oh my, aren’t you just dashing? “Rarity said as she stepped down the stairs.

“Oh, well thank you, Miss,” Tellis said while he examined a painting of a white cat.

“What was that, dear? Oh, I wasn’t speaking to you, sorry about that,” Rarity told her visitor while she set a mirror down on a small desk at the bottom of the stairs.

“Heh, well I can certainly see why, Miss Rarity” Tellis complimented Rarity.

“Why thank you, mister…” Rarity thanked Tellis.

“Sorry for not first introducing myself. My name is Tellis, your friend Applejack requested that I simply must come here if I wanted new clothes. And my, it does seem like there’s just an amazing selection here,” Tellis answered.

“Well, you do seem to have fine taste; I don’t think I’ve seen you around Ponyville, Tellis. are you new around here?” Rarity asked Tellis.

Tellis answered Rarity’s question, “Why, yes, in fact, I am new in town.”

“Oh, yes, I do believe that my friend Pinkie Pie was talking about you earlier, when she stopped by to invite me to a party oh hers. By the way she described you, she made it seem like you were covered from head to hoof with dirt! Now, what is it that you need?” Rarity said to Tellis.

“Well, I’m pressed for time and what I need is something stylish, but practical…like that over there!” Tellis pointed with his leg at the Mannequin wearing almost exactly what he was wearing before, what a coincidence! But, there was a difference, as he examined the clothing; he noticed that there were 2 diamonds encrusted into the collar and there were black pants that went with it.

“Oh, that old thing? That’s something that I started on but then stopped when I got this big order from… now who was it that I got that order from? Anywho, are you sure that’s what you want? “

“Yes, I’m completely sure, and I also want to buy that hat,” Tellis pointed at a black hat on a rack

“Oh, that would look just marvelous!” Rarity called out.

Tellis made his purchase of the clothes that were on the Mannequin

“simply astonishing!” Rarity shouted out.

Tellis walked over to a mirror and said,” Good as new! Actually, better than new!” Tellis turned to Rarity and thanked her. “See you at that party, Rarity, and thanks again!” Tellis called out as he left the boutique.

He saw the town hall’s clock; it was 15 minutes until the party! And he had no idea where Sugarcube corner was! He began asking ponies where it was, and several said they didn’t know, and others just ignored him until he asked a light-blue unicorn where it was. “Well, I’m on my way there right now! Say… you seem famil- YOU!! You were that guy that destroyed my trashcan! What the hay!”

“I’m really sorry about that, miss, but it was an emergency!” Tellis apologized as he walked along with the unicorn.

“What kind of emergency involves smashing my stuff? You have to pay me back, you know, like you said.” The Unicorn said to Tellis as she began to move faster.

“Well, what do I owe you? 10, 15 bits?” Tellis asked the unicorn.

“Uhh… you owe me…30 bits.” The unicorn said with narrowed eyes.

“30 bits?! That’s an expensive trashcan, lady. Oh well, here’s the last of my money, 28 bits, won’t need this bag anymore.” Tellis told the unicorn as he tossed his raggedy saddlebag aside.

“Thanks, and my name isn’t lady, it’s Lyra. Oh, were here, time to finally ditch you.” Lyra said as she counted out her bits.

“Tellis! I’m so happy you’re here!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she saw Tellis approaching Sugarcube corner. “It’s time to get this party started!!” the invited ponies all went inside and there was loud drum and bass music playing on a stereo at a table in the middle of the room.

(Play: Sigma-Paint it Black)

Tellis had to yell over the pumping bass, “Oh, yeah, Pinkie! I almost forgot to tell you to hide the booze! There’s gonna be fillies at this party, and Applejack would kill me if she learned there was alcohol here!”

“We’ll, it’s a good thing I already-hic- drank the first 6 pack!” Pinkie shouted as she continued to dance wildly.

“Pinkie, that isn’t a good thing! I need to get the alcohol out of here before those 3 get here! Where is it?” Tellis called out to Pinkie.

“It’s over there! By the snacks!” Pinkie answered Tellis before shouting,” Whooooooohoooooooo!” Pinkie then danced off into the crowd of ponies.

Tellis walked over to the snack table; where there were 4 six packs of Budwinner. He took them all in his forelegs and he was met by protest by several ponies near the table.

“Sorry, guys, but there’s fillies here.” Apologized Tellis as he took the hooch out the back door, and he set it all on a crate. ”Hmm…” Tellis took one and chugged it, and as he finished he noticed out of the corner of his eye, that there was a yellow pegasus standing nearby, trying to look inconspicuous.

“Hey, what up, girl! Whatchu doin out here, all by yourself, and not inside at the party? “Tellis confidently asked the pegasus as he slid up to her.

“I… um…” the pegasus shyly said.

“How about a name? You got one, right?” Tellis grabbed another beer, offered the pegasus it and she took it. She didn’t open it.

“My name’s… Fluttershy” She said in a shy, ghost-like voice.

“My name’s Tellis! Nice to meet you, Fluttershy!” Tellis said with a smile as he extended his hoof in friendship. Fluttershy tried to shake his hoof with the Buwinner can in hers, but it slipped out of her grasp and it busted on the ground, spraying everywhere.

“Oh, man! Let’s get out of here!” Tellis quickly led Fluttershy inside the building while shielding her from the spraying foam. They got to the kitchen, to clean themselves up

“Oh, no…I’m so sorry Tellis…I didn’t mean to-“Fluttershy’s apology was interrupted by Tellis.

“Naw, naw, don’t worry about it, it was my fault, anyways, I’m the one who knocked it out of your hoof anyways, I’m the one who should be apologizing,” Tellis said as he hooved a towel to Fluttershy and grabbed another one for himself. ”Well, I’M heading back to the party, you comin?” Tellis asked Fluttershy.

“Sure, I’d love to.” Fluttershy quietly answered.

The two ponies walked back into the main room, where the party was going down full swing now.

“My friends are over there…”Fluttershy said as she pointed over to where Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, and a blue rainbow-maned pegasus were, they were drinking punch and talking together.

“Guys, this is-“Fluttershy was interrupted by Twilight.

“We know who he is, Fluttershy, and I was just telling Rainbow Dash about him, too.”

“So, you’re the one who broke into Twilight’s house…” Rainbow Dash said with a serious expression on her face,” You gotta teach me how to do that sometime!”

“I’ll put it on my to-do list,” Tellis replied.

“Tellis, darling, you didn’t really break into Twilight’s house last night, did you?” Rarity asked Tellis, then took a sip of punch.

“Well, Rarity, I hate to break it to you, but I did break into Twilight’s house last night.” Tellis confidently boasted to Rarity.

Rarity scoffed and turned her nose in the air,” why of all the most vile…”

“Well, just be glad Twi didn’t call Sheriff Shooter on you, there’s a reason that’s his name, ya know.” Rainbow Dash told Tellis.

“Well, I sure am now that you tell me that, Rainbow Dash” Tellis replied.

“Just call me Dash or something, Tellis,” Dash told Tellis.

“Hey, you guys seen 3 fillies around here?” Tellis asked.

(Play: Netsky-Give and take )

“No, you invited fillies to a party? Tellis!”  Twilight yelled at Tellis’s thoughtlessness.

“Well, I got the booze out of here!” Tellis protested.

“Where? Inside of you? You smell like a brewery!” Twilight argued a bit more with Tellis until Fluttershy noticed Scootaloo’s magenta mane bobbing up and down in the ground.

“Guys… I see… hello? Is anypony-, “Fluttershy tried getting the attention of the others, but to no avail.

“There they are!” Dash shouted out as she hovered above the rest.

“Huh? Where?” Twilight and Tellis said simultaneously.

They all went to the opposite end of the room, where they came to the three fillies.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders, party animals!” they all shouted.

“Cute,” Said Tellis.

“Hey, y’all, this here’s a great party!” Applebloom said.

“Yeah, I see why you come to these things, sis!” Sweetie Bell said to Rarity while she danced.

“Sweetie Bell! What in Celestia’s name are you doing here?” Rarity shot the question in a most dramatic way at her sister.

“Well, Tellis invited us here!” Sweetie Bell protested.

“Tellis! How could you?” Rarity swooned around dramatically; spilling her drink on everypony making them complain.

“Well, hehe, I didn’t know she was your sister…” Tellis sheepishly said as he swept the punch off his new jacket and shirt.

“This party is awesome, Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo called out to her idol.

“Yeah, kid, this really is a great party! Pinkie outdid herself this time!” Rainbow replied to her little friend.

“Thanks!” Pinkie shouted from across the room.

“Hey, y’all, what’s that smell? It smells kinda funny,” Applebloom asked, as she smelled the beer on Tellis’s clothes.

“Aww, don’t worry about it, Applebloom, just dance around, and have some fun!” Tellis called out to  Applebloom as he signaled for all to dance(insert power chord here as they all jump into the air).

The group proceeded to party down until it was late in the night, when everypony had left, except for Tellis, Pinkie, Rainbow, and a passed out Lyra, who lay on the floor, snoring loudly. Seems like she found the booze because she had a six pack plastic on her horn, and there were several empty Budwinner cans next to her.

--{[/%/]}--

They helped clean up with Pinkie Pie, all exept for Lyra and rainbow, because Lyra was, well… yeah, and rainbow just gives zero bucks.

“Well, Tellis, you’re cool in my book, well, not as cool as me, but you’re on your way,” Rainbow Dash said to Tellis as she sat on a couch next to Lyra, ‘helping’.

Tellis on the other hoof was sweeping up garbage and other things with Pinkie Pie, who was in charge of the dustpan, said to Dash,” Gee, thanks. You think you might wanna help clean up?”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Dash said as she got into a more relaxed position on the couch, yanked a leftover beer from the plastic rings around Lyra’s head, and started drinking. Lyra slightly stirred as a bit of drool escaped her mouth, but didn’t wake up.

“Yo, Pinkie, you think I could crash here tonight? I mean, I don’t have a house, and I blew all my money on stuff today…” Tellis asked Pinkie Pie after they were done cleaning up.

“Sure, Tellis, it’s the least I cou-Ohh, I shouldn’t have had those twelve beers!” Pinkie called out as she ran to the bathroom.

“Twelve? I thought it was six! Hey, Dash do you remember Pinkie drinking-“Tellis stopped asking Rainbow when he spotted her sleeping, subconsciously curled up with Lyra.

Tellis sighed, then headed over to the loveseat, (for stupid people, that’s the short couch with 2 cushions) laid down on it, and fell asleep.

All Aboard

Chapter 4: All Aboard

It was the middle of the afternoon, about 4o’ clock, when Tellis woke from his slumber. He sat up, yawned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Man, I really need an alarm clock, what the? Where in the hay did these come from? Yo, Rainbow! Wake up! Rise and shine! I gotta ask you something!” Tellis called out to rainbow as a hung over Pinkie Pie came down the stairs with a bag of ice on her head.

“Tellis, ow, could you not yell so loud?” Pinkie must have been really hung over for her to say such a thing. Rainbow and Lyra began to wake up at the same time, well, rainbow slightly faster than Lyra and then pulled away in embarrassment.

“Aww, my head, it feels like sompony was hitting my head with a hammer all night…” Lyra groaned as she got up and rubbed her head with her hoof.

Rainbow, who only had a slight hangover, played it as cool as she could, acting like she was stretching when she was pressing at a headache,” What a buncha babies, I bet I had more than any of you combined!”

Lyra tried to throw a pillow at Rainbow, which just fell to the floor, “Oh, will you stop yelling?”

Tellis walked over to Lyra and shouted in his radio announcer voice,” HOW”S THEM BEERS TREATIN’ YA, LYRA!?” Pinkie and Lyra groaned in anguish, while Rainbow only grimaced a bit.

Tellis grinned like a madpony as he said, “Well, girls, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna head out, I have a feeling that today is gonna be crazy!” Oh, how right Tellis was…

--{[/%/]}--

“Glad you decided to tag along, Rainbow,” Tellis told his new friend.

“Well, it beats lying around with those two dopes all day, that’s for sure,” Rainbow said to Tellis as they walked down the damp Ponyville streets.

“Say, I heard from sompony during the party say that you want to be a Wonderbolt, am I right?” Tellis asked Dash.

Dash answered Tellis, “You bet I do! And I’m gonna be one, just you see!”

“You know, it seems stupid but…” Tellis trailed off.

Rainbow Dash looked at Tellis and asked, “What?”

“Well, I kinda want to be a Wonderbolt,” A red-faced Tellis answered.

“You? A Wonderbolt? Ahhhhahahahahahahaa! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! You don’t even have any wings!” Dash continued to laugh and roll around in mid-air at her friend’s dreams.

“And there ya go….just like everypony in Clou- Fillydelphia”

Rainbow Dash stopped laughing,” Wait, what was that?”

“Uhh, well I-“Tellis was interrupted by a massive explosion! The town hall was just blown up! Another explosion rocked the town, further off, a large sign with a quill and a couch on it flew in the air.

“Not again…” Tellis whispered to himself as he ran back towards Sugarcube corner to get his incapacitated friends, “Rainbow! You go get the others, tell them to get somewhere we can evacuate!”

“Tellis, that’s the train station! Go there!” Rainbow shouted as she flew off towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Several more explosions and Tellis heard screaming and automatic gunfire in the distance, and a lot of buildings were being set on fire, but that didn’t stop him from reaching Sugarcube corner, where he bucked down the door and saw Pinkie trying to lug Lyra out of the place.

“I’ll take Lyra! Head over to the train station! That’s our ticket out of here!” Tellis shouted at Pinkie.

--{[/%/]}--

Rainbow flew to Sweet Apple Acres as fast as she possibly could. When she reached there, it seemed all was lost, a lot of the dryer trees were on fire, and the farmhouse seemed to be next.  Rainbow set down next to Applejack and Big Macintosh.

“You guys! We have to get to the train station!” Rainbow shouted at the Apples,” Where’s Granny Smith?”

“She…She didn’t…” Applejack answered Rainbow, teary-eyed, holding an unconscious Applebloom.

“Rainbow Dash, we’ll be fine, take Applebloom to the station, she breathed in a lotta smoke!” Big Macintosh ordered Rainbow.

“Big Macintosh, she needs a hospital!” Rainbow shouted over the roar of the flames as she took Applebloom.

“I have a feelin that there ain’t gonna be one soon! Just go!” Big Macintosh shouted to Rainbow again as he started to run with Applejack. Rainbow flew over to Scootaloo’s home to rescue her.

--{[/%/]}--

Tellis was in the conductor’s seat flipping switches and pulling levers, preparing the train to evacuate. Twilight was there with Tellis and she called out, “I didn’t know you could drive a train!”

Tellis, who was wearing his flight goggles, answered with a serious tone,” Well, Twilight, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. Tell the others that were leaving in five minutes, whether or not everypony is on, our survival depends on it!”

“But what about Rainbow Dash, she hasn’t gotten here yet!” Twilight called out to Tellis over the train’s engine warming up.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get here soon, Twilight! Just go!” Tellis flipped some more switches and mumbled under his breath,” Every damn time…”

--{[/%/]}--

Rainbow Dash flew towards the train station, with Applebloom in her forelegs, and a terrified Scootaloo on her back, “Don’t you worry, you guys! Tellis has a plan to get us out of here!”

“Bu-but, w-what about the others?!” Scootaloo called out to Rainbow.

“I’m sure they’re fine! Just hang on! There’s the train! It’s already leaving!” Rainbow shouted as she flew down towards the train, avoiding smoke from the burning buildings down below.  Rainbow landed on the caboose of the train, Scootaloo falling off her back, and falling down to the floor against the wall next to the train door, Applebloom in her forelegs, and she witnessed the train station explode in the distance and bullets whiz past the train. Rainbow quickly grabbed Scootaloo with her teeth. Scootaloo was screaming in pain, she was hit in the leg! Rainbow crashed through the door of the caboose, with Applebloom on her back now, and she carried the two fillies through several cars until she found a group of ponies in the dining car.

“I need a doctor! I’ve got two hurt fillies here, sompony! Get help!” Rainbow shouted out after she used her wing to sweep the plates away from a table and set Scootaloo on it and then Applebloom on the nearby seat.

“Im a doctor, move aside, miss,” Said a brown earth pony wearing a blue suit (hmm…) to a teary-eyed Rainbow dash.

“It’s my fault… I just… wasn’t fast enough… I’m so sorry!” Rainbow dash cried out.

“Miss! I need you to calm down and help me!” Said the doctor as she stabilized a screaming Scootaloo’s leg,” I need alcohol! Strong stuff! To sterilize the wound, get to it!

Rainbow rushed over to the cabin’s bar. She grabbed a couple bottles of Buck Daniels and hooved them to the doctor, she saw that Scootaloo has passed out from pain and more tears welled up in her eyes.

“Oh, smoke inhalation!” said the doctor as he waved a small device around over Applebloom and poured some whiskey on Scootaloo’s wound.

“Listen, what’s your name?” the doctor said to Rainbow dash.

“R-Rainbow Dash,” Rainbow answered.

“Rainbow Dash, I need you to find a bottle of oxygen, there is usually one in a first aid kit at the end of every car, can you do this for me?”

“Yes!” shouted rainbow as she hurried to the end of the car. Where there was a small closet with a red and white box in it which she grabbed with her teeth.

“Got it!” she said through gritted teeth.

“Here! Use the oxygen on that one!” The doctor ordered Rainbow while he grabbed some tweezers and gauze from the kit. As rainbow put the oxygen mask on Applebloom, the doctor started to perform surgery on Scootaloo’s leg. Carefully pulling out bits of lead with the tweezers, the doctor dropped each piece on a plate that was on the table. After he did that, he wrapped Scootaloo’s leg with gauze from the kit.

“There, I did all I could for this filly,” said the doctor as he sat down next to Rainbow’s seat and wiped the sweat from his brow.

“Thank you so much so much! What’s your name?” Rainbow asked the doctor as she adjusted Applebloom’s mask.

“Oh, just the Doctor,” the Doctor replied.

“Wait, what?” a confused Rainbow said.

Suddenly, the nearby door burst open, Twilight and the others, except for Pinkie Pie came in. “We came as soon as we heard, Rainbow, are they okay?” Twilight asked as she came in.

“They’re going to be just fine, Miss Sparkle!” the Doctor called out to Twilight.

“Doctor! You’re back! I’ve missed you so much!” Twilight met her friend in the middle of the car.

“Oh, yes, I remember making a suit for you; it seems almost brand new, though!” Rarity said to the Doctor with a scared-looking Sweetie Bell behind her.

“Ah have too many questions tah count,” Applejack said, shaking her head, she saw Applebloom and rushed over to her, pushing Rainbow Dash out of the way, “ Applebloom! Can ya hear me? It’s me, your sister, Applejack!

“Applejack, she’s going to be fine. The best thing you can do for her is let her rest,” Twilight put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.

“You’re right, Twilight, it just pains me tah see her like this. First Granny Smith and now…I just can’t lose her, not like this!” Replied a teary-eyed Applejack.

“Wait a second, where’s Tellis? It was his idea to go to the train in the first place! Is he okay?” Rainbow Dash asked her friends.

“Oh, he’s fine, darling, in fact; he’s driving the train right now.” Rarity answered Rainbow’s question with a flip of her hair.

“Wait a second, Tellis can drive a train? Well I guess he saved all our lives, then.” Rainbow Dash said trailing off towards the end.

“I suppose we should thank this Tellis, then!” The Doctor beamed.

--{[/%/]}--

The perspective shifts out the window and follows the doctor and Twilight up the train, passing the windows and showing scared survivors until it reaches the front end of the train.  As the Doctor and Twilight reach the door of the Conductor’s car the Doctor said,” Now, Twilight, I want you to understand, as a time traveler, I’ve met many types of ponies and other beings. So don’t be surprised as to what happens next.”

“Wait, Doctor, what are you talking about?” Twilight asked the Doctor, but he was already in the car. As Twilight followed the Doctor inside, she felt the heat of the magical shard reactor on her face and the Doctor was fawning over the engine, spouting science mumbo-jumbo about it.

“Doctor! We were going to see Tellis, remember?” Twilight said, slightly irritated.

“Oh, yes, my dear Twilight Sparkle, let’s go,” the Doctor said as he entered the Control room.

Tellis craned his neck when the doctor entered,” Doctor! Glad you could finally show up, where have you been, man?” Tellis removed his goggles and let them hang around his neck as he said ,” I haven’t seen you since Cloudsda- what’s she doing here?”

“Wait, Tellis, how do you know the Doctor?” Twilight said as she walked past the Doctor up to Tellis.

“Twilight, it’s a long story (for that long story, click here), and we just don’t have the time to tell it, because we’re here!” Tellis called out as he jumped down from the captain’s chair.

“What? Where’s here? We’re nowhere near Canterlot!” Twilight flustered.

“Twilight, that’s where they would expect us to go!” Tellis explained to Twilight as he engaged the brakes on the train.

“Who’s they, and why are we here?” Twilight demanded.

“Twilight, I think I can explain, you see, a group of genocidal maniacs called the Tazrian Mercenary Corp. have been hunting me and anypony connected to me in any way. That includes everypony on this train,” The Doctor calmly explained to Twilight.

“And Tellis brought them to Ponyville?!” Twilight screamed and began magically choking Tellis,” Thanks. To. You. Hundreds. Of. Ponies. Are .Deeead!!” Twilight slammed Tellis against the wall with every word.

“Twilight, Twilight! Please stop!” The Doctor pulled Twilight away from the control room and said, “If Tellis decided to just sit in some hole and die somewhere, you would have been next, and you and all of your friends would be dead!”

“Besides, (Cough, wheeze) I really thought I gave them the slip last time for good! I found Ponyville and thought it was a great place to lay low for a while, hay, maybe a few years or the rest of my life, even.” Tellis said as he entered the engine room.

“We need to let the others know what happened!” Twilight said to the Doctor.

“We will, Twilight, but we are going to do it my way,” the Doctor told Twilight in a hushed tone.

“Well, whatever you do, you need to do it fast, because I’ve set the train to leave in another five minutes.”

Tellis activated the Intercom and said in a pirate voice, “Yeargh, me mateys! This be yer Capitan speakin! You louts need to be getting your flanks up and out of here in five minutes, cause the train’s leavin us behind, whether you’re on it or not! Gather as much supplies and help any injured off the train as you can, everypony! Yeargh! arharharhar arr…”

“You are such a child! This situation is very serious, and you are treating it like it was a game!” an infuriated Twilight said to Tellis.

“That’s because it is a game, Twilight! A game of life and death, and I’m planning on winning!” Tellis shouted as he exited the train.

“Doctor, how do you know him, again?” Twilight asked a serious-looking Doctor.