Princess of the Night(club)
1 - ROCK CONCERT, AWW YEAH
“No, Luna," Princess Celestia told her sister adamantly.
“But sister!”
“No and that is final!”
“You have not even heard of my ‘mad riffing skillz’ as they call it, sister!” Luna yelled back, whipping around a sexy electric guitar out of nowhere.
“No and how did you– you know what, I won’t even ask, it’s still no!”
“Come now sister, do you not want to get ‘down and groovy’ with thy subjects?” Luna asked, playing a mad riff and strumming some chords. At a particularly good one Luna shot a glance at her sister, but she was still looking determinedly at an old dusty parchment.
“Come on! You should have seen this chord! I’m getting groovier as we speak!”
Discord snapped into existence.
“You called?” he growled.
Luna shot him a dismissive glance.
“No, it's this chord, not Dis-cord. Go back to your picnic with Fluttershy, this is matter between my sister and I," Luna said, flicking a hoof in a shooing motion.
Discord grumbled, “I was having a nice cucumber sandwich–”
He turned Celestia’s mane purple and Luna’s hooves rainbow before snapping back out of existence.
Celestia gave the room a cursory glance, to make sure Discord was gone, and then turned right back to the scroll.
“Sister!” Luna pleaded, dragging herself across the room on her front hooves and clutching a foreleg, giving it an annoying tug with every syllable.
“Pl-ea-se co-me and wa-tch! And bits would be nice too!” she puppy dogged, as much as one pony could on her belly.
“For the last time, Luna, we’re not using the royal treasury to fund a rock star concert for you!” Celestia snapped, dragging her hoof back and inadvertently flicking Luna on the upside of her chin. Due to Celestia’s ridiculous alicorn strength the whiplash motion resulted in a shockwave that blew all the glass in the room and shot Luna across the throne room to land in an undignified sprawl–
“That’s not what happened," Celestia interrupted the awful… I mean the genius narrator of the story. The narrator apologised… but not before making a ‘Celestia is fat pony’ joke, *snort* *giggle*.
Celestia glared at the condescending but wise and fair narrator from her throne.
“Luna, I’m willing to fund your rock concert, if you insert some lyrics to a song for me," Celestia announced, to the dread of the narrator.
Wait a second, what lyrics?
Hang on, you wouldn’t dare.
“Try me," Celestia said simply, a patented Celestia Trollface™®© 2014, plastered all over her muzzle.
“I do not have a ‘Trollface’, that’s rude and will be reflected in the lyrics," Celestia chided in her most authoritative, borderline totalitarian, communist and all those dirty political slurs I could think of tone of voice.
Luna got up from the tangled mess on the other side of the room.
“I feel like I had been dropped from the side of a mountain, without my wings," she commented drily, shooting Celestia a dirty glare.
See? Luna can roll with it, no fourth wall breaking there.
“Oh shush, you. She’s just playing along so she can get her bits," Celestia grumbled, telekinetically playing with a cup of tea. Tea spun around and exploded into a shower of rainbow, huh I guess Discord still had more presents. Wasn’t me, I swear!
Luna approached Celestia optimistically but a little warily, after all, crazy or not, she was still her sister and in charge of the royal treasury. I guess it’s true what they say about family inheritance and such.
“Dear Sister, whom might you be addressing, you’ve been muttering to yourself these past few moments," Luna said, concerned.
Ah, so caring.
Celestia couldn’t help but glare in the general direction of where I might have been situated in my imagination. I didn’t actually exist in that plane of existence… but that didn’t stop me from blowing a raspberry.
She sighed, rubbing a hoof to her temples.
“Why do I always get put with the crazy ones," she mumbled, which was ironic because her sister thought she was the crazy one now.
Twilight teleported into existence.
"You need help, princess?" Twilight asked, totally not appearing because she was creepily spying on her mentor-mother figure.
Celestia looked at her student in consternation.
"Twilight have you been spying on me again?"
Twilight looked nervous and suddenly threw up. She covered everything standing close around her in a thin veil of vomit. She teleported away in a flash. The guards, who had been in the line of fire, briefly considered whether or not it would be treason to just give up and walk away from this random stupid stuff.
Don't look at me, I tell it how it is.
“Sister, you did mention you were going to fund my rock concert?” Luna asked hopefully, trying to ignore the various tics that Celestia had acquired being an old, old mare.
Celestia didn’t bother to rise to the insult, thinking that she was better than the narrator. She was concentrating on writing something down on a scroll of parchment, ignoring me. She just proved to me that she was just like all the rest of the Canterlot nobles who–
“Luna, have some fun I’m giving you ten thousand bits and free usage of the royal Canterlot theatres," Celestia sighed, signing the paperwork.
“You’ll be there?!” Luna asked her sister excitedly.
Celestia nodded somewhat wearily.
Some indeterminate time later, we were all inexplicably at the rock concert, having had the whole thing setup at breakneck speed. Actually it was only a few seconds because I constructed this with my imagination.
Celestia eyed the sky warily, afraid of the possibility of a multitude of frogs that might come raining down.
Frogs, you say? Nay! Pianos, they’re always a classic.
Celestia raged impotently at the sky for a few moments, to where I would have been situate– wait no I’ve already done this joke, let’s see… oh right here…
Celestia walks into a bar. It hurts.
Har de har har.
Rubbing her snout in fury, she stalks into the theatre plonking her generous backside into the seat. She ignores the narrator because she knows he will get bored describing things and move on with the plot, unlike hers, which just seems to be growing. Cwutididthar?
The rest of the unimportant background ponies walk into the theatre, completely oblivious to the fact that they are a part of a fictional creation by an inter-dimensional being.
They settle down as the lights dim on the stage.
“Are you ready to rock?!” a voice one would only describe as borderline Royal Canterlot shouts from backstage. Instantly, herd mentality takes over all the ponies and they start mosh pitting and raving like mad.
Celestia puts a hoof to her face and keeps it there.
Luna gallops out onto the stage and does a knee skid, which was kind of dumb seeing as she had no leg protection whatsoever. She ignores the profuse bleeding. It just adds to how hardcore she is, everpony knows bleeding makes you hardcore.
“I said… ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!” she belts out to the frenzied crowd. The ponies all go completely bonkers. A screaming fanfilly passes out from the excitement but nopony cares cause it’s a frigging ROCK CONCERT.
Luna does an awkward dance while playing some mad riffs, everpony in the audience can tell this isn’t a rock concert but they scream and act like it is anyway.
Suddenly, a wild Discord appears and spawns a drummer and a bass guitarist so that it finally becomes a real rock concert.
Everpony goes absolutely nuts and start trashing the theatre. Luna regally nods while smashing her guitar to the wild cheers of the audience. She tries makes a peace out sign but finds she couldn't because you know, HOOVES. She stalks out with like zero care and 100% cool swag style.
Discord smiles at the chaos that he created, snapping out of existence again.
The party drags on for a long time, with Luna somehow getting drunk along the way.
“I loooooooove you sistaaaaaaaaaaaar," Luna drawls drunkenly, wobbling to and fro.
Celestia shakes her head and drags her little drunk sister back towards the castle.
Celestia still hasn’t removed that hoof from her face.
“I can’t believe you racked up more than half a million bits worth of damages," she grumbled, admonishing the tipsy mare.
Luna looked completely out of it and chose to ignore her boring sister.
“Best. Night. Ever," she declared, throwing up all over Celestia.
Celestia sighed, hefting her sister onwards. Celestia distantly hears an explosion from the general direction of the Canterlot Royal Theatre.
“I swear to the stars, if this ever happens again…” she mutters, rolling her eyes.
But that would just be tempting fate, wouldn’t it?
Author's Note
What? I get bored too.
Just trying to clear some writer's block.
This will probably not have a sequel... maybe...
Oh you wanted to know what Celestia's lyrics were?
Far be it for me to not tell you:
Over the hill and far away,
There lived a narrator,
Who wanted to play.
His genius was unfounded,
His lyrics were confounded,
But that didn't stop him from trying.
The End.
What? I don't write songs. Or poems. Or anything substantial. Lay off me will you?
