Let's Get Boyfriends!

by MythrilMoth

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex
Length: 11407

Pinkie Pie comes up with another game to play with her friends. This time, the challenge is to get boyfriends or die trying.

Pinkie Pie's at it again! This time, she comes up with a game for her and her friends to play wherein they randomly choose eligible stallions out of a bag, and have a month to make a love connection with the stallion they choose.

Seems simple enough, right?

...yeah, right.

COMMENT-DRIVEN STORY
Please remember to vote!

VOTING IS NOW CLOSED.

Published 2014-09-01 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-15 21:26:42 UTC

Prologue: "Let's Get Boyfriends!"

"Let's get boyfriends!"

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack stared, eyes half-lidded, at Pinkie Pie.

"Sugarcube, any time you start a conversation with 'Let's something blank', it turns out t' be a great big mess o' crazy."

"Yeah, that whole 'let's be evil' thing got WAY outta hoof," Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh come on, that was over a year ago!" Pinkie cried, throwing her hooves into the air. "Nopony even remembers that anymore! Twilight's a princess now! We've saved Equestria twice since then! We've got a freakin' castle!"

"I've got a freakin' castle," Twilight said. "You've got a freakin' throne and a suite of rooms that keep getting gunked up with cake frosting."

"But what none of us have," Pinkie said, "are boyfriends." She looked around at her friends. "We're the six most eligible mares in Ponyville! Stallions should be falling all over us! But look at us! Nothing! When was the last time any of us even went on a date?"

The others looked around at one another.

"Well, now I'm depressed," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, I don't even care about boys and I'm depressed."

Applejack scratched her ear. "Ah don't really care about that stuff, but...Ah guess maybe Ah really should be lookin'. Seein' as me an' mah brother an' sister are th' last generation of Apples at Sweet Apple Acres."

"I've simply had the most dreadful luck with stallions," Rarity said, poking at the ground with a hoof and pouting.

"Well...we all know why I don't have a boyfriend," Fluttershy said softly.

"Because your house smells like critter poo?" Pinkie suggested.

"No, because—well, alright, I'll give you that one," Fluttershy said with a sigh.

Twilight frowned. "Do we really need boyfriends to complete our lives?"

The others stared at her.

"Says th' one who went to another world an' had a boyfriend over there," Applejack said.

Twilight's cheeks burned, and a small smile crossed her face. "Yeah...Flash Sentry..."

"So why haven't you hooked up with the Flash Sentry over here yet?" Rainbow asked.

"He's a wiener."

"So anyway," Pinkie said, pulling out a cloth bag, "in this bag, I've got wooden tiles with the names of all the eligible stallions I could think of." She tilted her head. "Sooooome of them live outside of Ponyville or might be hard to track down."

"Wait, wait. I don't like where this is going," Twilight said. "You're not suggesting randomly pairing each of us up with a stallion we might not be compatible with, are you?"

"Of course I am!" Pinkie said happily. "It wouldn't be a fun game otherwise!"

"A 'fun game'?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow. "You mean like the whole 'let's be evil' thing?"

"Yeah! It was totally fun!" Pinkie said, beaming.

"Uh...huh," Rainbow said flatly.

Pinkie sighed. "Look...sure it'd be easy for each of us to just pick a stallion we're vaguely to strongly interested in and make an actual effort to start a relationship. I mean, if I wanted to take the easy road to having a special somepony, I'd just track down Cheese Sandwich and...I dunno, rut him into submission or whatever." She rolled her eyes. "But it's more FUN to try to score a boyfriend chosen by blind random selection!"

"Yeah I'm out," Rainbow said. "Your crazy schemes always end in weirdness."

"I'm with Rainbow on this one," Twilight said. "The evil thing at least had potential, but this...this is just stupid."

Pinkie grinned evilly at them. "I thought you might say that. So here's the deal. Either (a) you go along with my crazy scheme to get random boyfriends, or (b) I make sure you all suffer the horror of eternal farting."

The others stared at her.

Pinkie gave them a half-lidded smug, superior stare. "Eteeeeernaaaaaal faaaaaaaartiiiiiing," she drawled.

"We don't have a choice in the matter, do we?" Rarity asked.

Twilight sighed. "If anypony can make good on a threat that ridiculous, it's Pinkie."

"Then we're all in?" Pinkie asked brightly.

"Yeeees," the others chorused in defeat.

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, clapping her hooves. "Alright, so here's how it goes. Each of us is going to draw the name of a stallion from this bag. Then, the game begins. You each have a month to make the stallion you've drawn your special somepony. Now, here are the rules." She held up a hoof. "Rule number one: You can't tell anypony about the game." She held up another hoof. "Rule number two: No love potions, love spells, or love magic of any kind." She held up a third hoof. "Rule number three: no blackmail, kidnapping, or torture." She held up a fourth hoof. "Rule number four: anything else goes! Seduction, romance, being coy, chatting them up, outright asking them out, or just plain throwing them down and rutting them." She held up a fifth hoof. "Rule number five: in one month, we all meet up for a big group date with our boyfriends." She held up a sixth hoof. "Rule number six..."

"How are you even DOING that?!" Rainbow cried, a horrified, nauseated expression on her face.

Pinkie glared at her, then continued, "Rule number six: no faking the meet-up date. If you and the stallion you picked don't show up as a happy couple, you lose."

"Alright, so what are the terms for winning and losing here?" Twilight asked.

"If you win, you have a boyfriend," Pinkie said. "If you lose, you have to try again. We play until all six of us have boyfriends."

"So...that's it?" Rainbow asked. "No prize for winning? No penalty for losing?"

"The prize is love!" Pinkie said in a chipper tone. "And if you lose, well...your penalty is the soul-crushing depression of knowing you're totally undateable and no stallion will ever want you, ever."

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Wow. Way to darken the mood, Pinkie," Rainbow said.

Pinkie shook up the bag, the wooden tiles inside clattering noisily against each other. "Oh yeah, one last rule: no complaining about whose name you draw."

"Hold up there, sugarcube," Applejack said, raising a hoof. "What happens if Ah reach in there an' pull out Big Mac's name?"

"If that happens, you get a do-over," Pinkie said. "Incest is icky."

"Fair enough."

Pinkie stopped shaking the bag, laid it on the table, and spread it open. "Okay everypony," she said. "Draw."

Author's Note

And so another comment-driven story begins!

Once this has a sufficient number of comments, I'll tally up the first round of matches.

In order to vote, you need to submit matches for ALL SIX mares, NOT JUST your favorite mare. If your comment doesn't contain matches for all six mares, it will be disregarded.

Here's a suggested list of available stallions:

Big Macintosh
Braeburn
Bulk Biceps
Cheese Sandwich
Fancy Pants
Flash Sentry
Gizmo Poindexter
Hoity Toity
Joe
Silver Shill
Soarin
Spike
Thunderlane
Time Turner

Note that this is not even remotely a complete list of all available male characters (that aren't colts), so if there's a character you'd like to vote for that isn't on this list, go ahead and vote for them. I'll validate against the master list of ponies when tallying the votes. Keep in mind that they have to be eligible. Also, no votes for reprehensible ponies that none of the Mane Six would touch (Blueblood, Flim and Flam, Hugh Jelly) and also I'd really prefer there be no votes for Trenderhoof. NO R63s!!

Prologue 2: The Draw

Pinkie stopped shaking the bag, laid it on the table, and spread it open. "Okay everypony," she said. "Draw."

Everypony looked expectantly at Twilight. Twilight frowned. "What?"

"You go first, darling."

"Yeah, since you're a princess an' all."

Twilight glared at her friends. "Seriously?" With a sigh, she reached a hoof into the bag and came out with a tile. She turned it over, looked at it, and let out a loud growl of frustration. "YOU RIGGED THIS STUPID GAME!" she screeched at Pinkie.

"Huh? No I didn't," Pinkie said. "I Pinkie Promise!"

"Whut's got a burr in yer butt, Twi?" Applejack asked.

Twilight slammed her chosen tile on the table for all to see:

FLASH SENTRY

The others blinked. Then, Rainbow snickered. "Heheheh...HAHAHAHA!"

"Oh, come on, darling," Rarity said with a smile. "It can't be that bad. Have you really given this Flash Sentry fellow a fair chance?"

Twilight frowned. "Well...okay, I've only really talked to him once," she admitted.

"Well...maybe if you spend more time talking to him, you'll start to like him," Fluttershy offered.

"Yeah, Twilight! Besides, remember the no-complaining rule!" Pinkie juggled a hoofful of speckled beans, grinning dangerously.

Twilight sighed. "Okay, fine, I'll try to hook up with Not-My-Flash."

"I'm not even gonna touch that one," Rainbow said. "I guess I'll draw next."

Pinkie shook up the bag again, and Rainbow reached in. She drew out a tile, took a look at it, and let out a loud whoop, doing a flip in the air.

"Oh my!" Fluttershy said softly. "Who'd you get?"

Rainbow laid her tile proudly on the table.

SOARIN

"Of the Wonderbolts?" Twilight asked, blinking. "Wow. That's...a good match for you."

"Yeah it is!" Rainbow said, grinning. "Having Soarin as a boyfriend would be awesome!"

"Good luck, Dashie!" Pinkie said. "Who's next?"

"Why don't you go next?" Applejack suggested.

"Hmm...okay!" Pinkie handed Applejack the bag. Applejack shook it up, using her hoof to mix the tiles carefully, then spread it open and offered it to Pinkie.

As Pinkie reached her hoof into the bag, her back started to prickle. "Ooh, my back's itchy," she said.

Twilight tilted her head. "That one's...lucky day, right?"

"Yep!" Pinkie stuck her hoof in the bag and pulled out a tile, laying it on the table.

CHEESE SANDWICH

"I KNEW this game was rigged!" Twilight declared.

"Uhh...how could it be rigged, when Ah shook the bag up mahself?" Applejack pointed out.

"I swear it's not rigged!" Pinkie said, frowning. "There's a couple dozen names in there! It'd be impossible to fix the game!"

"Why don't I draw next?" Rarity suggested, as Applejack shook the bag up again. Rarity reached a hoof in, drew a tile, looked at it, and stared flatly at Pinkie. "This game is rigged," she declared.

"Let me guess, you drew Spike?" Twilight asked.

Rarity laid her tile on the table:

SPIKE

"Why was Spike even IN there?!" Rainbow cried. "He's not even a pony!"

"Dragons need love too," Pinkie said. "I couldn't just leave him out. Besides, I put Discord's name in there too!"

"You did WHAT?!" Twilight cried.

"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy said.

"You'll never convince me this game isn't rigged now," Twilight said.

"Ah'm sorry, Twi...Ah just don't see how it could be rigged, when Ah've got th' bag an' there's no way Pinkie coulda known whut order we'd go in." Applejack handed the bag to Rarity, who shook it up for her. She reached in, and...

THUNDERLANE

"Huh. Don't reckon Ah've said ten words t' Thunderlane afore," Applejack said. "This'll be...interestin'." She looked at Fluttershy. "Your turn, sugarcube."

"I...I don't know if I want to..."

"Eternal farting," Pinkie whispered ominously.

"Eep!" Fluttershy dove into the bag and fished out a tile, nearly dropping it. She looked at it and blinked, then laid it on the table.

BIG MACINTOSH

"And that PROVES the game isn't rigged," Pinkie declared smugly.

"How does that prove anything?" Twilight asked.

"Because I ship Big Macintosh with Cheerilee," Pinkie said simply. "If I'd rigged the game, nopony would've drawn Big Mac!"

"Who...who would mine have been if the game was rigged?" Fluttershy asked.

"Bulk Biceps," Pinkie said without hesitation.

Twilight deflated. "Okay okay, so the game probably isn't rigged." She looked at the tiles on the table, a sour frown on her face. "Are we really doing this? I mean, are we really going through with this? And if you say 'eternal farting' one more time, I'll give you infinite trots."

"Well I'm in," Rainbow said. "I never thought of Soarin that way before, but now I'm kinda excited!"

"I...don't mind," Fluttershy said. "I mean, Big Macintosh is very nice."

Rarity sighed. "If nothing else, I suppose this will resolve the matter of Spike's crush once and for all."

"Ah ain't wussin' out," Applejack said. "Last thing Ah need is somethin' fer Rainbow t' hold over me."

Twilight sighed. "Okay, okay...I'm in too. I guess I'd better make arrangements to go to the Crystal Empire so I can visit Flash Wiener."

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, clapping. "Okay girls, you've got one month to figure out how to make the stallion you chose your special somepony. Remember the rules, and have fun!"

"Yay," Twilight said in a quiet, flat tone.

"Please don't steal my catchphrase," Fluttershy said. She turned to Applejack. "Um...is this okay with you? Me and your brother?"

Applejack shrugged. "He does need a marefriend," she said. "Ah don't think he'll ever bother t' get one on his own."

"Well...good luck, everypony," Rarity said with a tight smile. "I'm off to...figure out how to proceed..."

"Won't you be the first one to th' finish line here?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ha ha, very funny," Rarity said, tossing her mane.

Twilight sighed. "See you girls later," she said, flying off to her castle.

"I'm gonna head to Cloudsdale, do some research," Rainbow said.

Applejack shifted. "Ah, uh...gotta handle some stuff at home afore Ah start."

"I'll come with you," Fluttershy said.

"And I'm off to find my Cheese!" Pinkie said happily.

Author's Note

See the complete voting results here.

Chapter 1: Mission Start!

Fluttershy followed Applejack back to Sweet Apple Acres once the group split up for the day. "Umm, Applejack?"

"Yeah?"

"How...I mean...what..." Fluttershy paused, eyes full of nervous worry. "I don't know how to break the ice with Big Mac," she said. "I don't really know...what we have in common...or what he might like..."

Applejack hummed thoughtfully. "Well, you know y'all got music in common," she said. "Ah mean, that whole business with the Ponytones..."

"Of course!" Fluttershy said brightly, fluttering her wings. "I love music, Big Macintosh loves music...why didn't I think of that right away?"

Applejack chuckled. "Heheh...yeah. Best advice Ah can give is use music t' break th' ice."

"Oh, thank you, Applejack!" Fluttershy soared up above the treetops, slowly flying over Sweet Apple Acres, scanning for any sign of Big Macintosh. She saw him hauling a wagonload of tools out to the barn and glided down beside him. "Umm...Big Mac?"

Big Mac turned to look at her, mildly surprised. "Eeyup?"

Fluttershy cleared her throat and began singing.

Do you wanna be my boyfriend?
I like my stallions big and strong
I'm hoping maybe that we could go out
And then you'd think about
How well we'd get along!
Oh gentle stallion won't you tell me
You'll give dating me a try?
Do you wanna be my boyfriend?
I'd like for you to be my boyfriend.

Big Macintosh stared at her, jaw agape. He flicked his right ear.

"Eenope."

Okay. ...'bye...

Fluttershy flew away sadly.

Several yards away, Applejack facehoofed. She trotted over to the dejected Fluttershy. "Don't give up so easy now," she said. "Big Mac's stubborn and shy. Keep at it, girl!"

An hour later, Big Mac was mending the fence when...

Do you wanna be my boyfriend?
And go on dates and sit and talk?
It's Spring and I could really use a guy
To sit and snuggle by
Or take a long and peaceful walk
I really want to have somepony
Somepony to call my own...

Fluttershy trailed off, realizing Big Mac was hammering nails into fenceboard. She frowned.

Big Mac, I'm going to make you love me!
Put down that hammer and look here
I'm trying to tell you that I want you to
Be somepony who will hold my feelings dear
I want us to be together
Why won't you just give in?
Do you wanna be my boyfriend?
Just say you'll be my stupid boyfriend!

Big Mac dropped his hammer, looked up at Fluttershy, and sighed. "Okay, enough already," he said. "Ah don't know what's gotten into you, but Ah'll go out with you. Just...don't get all crazy on me."

Fluttershy beamed, swooped down, and hugged Big Mac. "Come out to my place this evening," she said. "I'll make us a special picnic and we can watch the sun go down."

"That sounds nice."

* * * * *

Rarity paced nervously in her boutique.

Why, of any male in Equestria, did it have to be Spike?

She adored Spike, of course. There was no question of that. Had he been a pony, and slightly older, why...but she valued Spike as a dear friend. Despite his devotion to her, despite his adorable little crush...she just didn't see him that way.

However, knowing Pinkie, there would be no squirming out of this ridiculous game without reprisals. She had to make an earnest effort to woo Spike.

On the plus side, Spike would be easily wooed. On the minus side, unwooing him would be next to impossible, and Rarity had no intention of hurting him.

Sweetie Belle wandered past out of the corner of her eye. She said something...Rarity wasn't sure what...and then wandered out of view again, presumably off to play with her little friends.

Rarity stopped in her tracks, eyes wide. "I-DEEEE-AAAA!"

Just as a plan began to form in her mind, the bell over the boutique's front door jingled. "Rarity?" she heard Spike call. "Twilight said you wanted to see me?"

Rarity whirled, a bright, sunny smile on her face. "Why YES, Spikey-boo!" she said. "I was just wondering if you're busy this evening..."

* * * * *

The biggest obstacle Applejack faced in approaching Thunderlane was that he lived up in the air. After Fluttershy successfully secured a date with Big Macintosh, she agreed to find Thunderlane and send him down to the ground.

Applejack decided to calm her nerves with some baking. She had just finished a batch of apple brown betties and set them out to cool when a grey face poked through the kitchen window. "Hey Applejack," Thunderlane said. "Fluttershy said you wanted to see me?"

"Oh, hey Thunderlane," Applejack said. "C'mon in, sit a spell. Got some fresh apple brown betties."

"Oh, sweet!" Thunderlane said. He disappeared from the window; a moment later, he walked in through the back door, taking a seat at the worn old kitchen table.

Applejack placed a plate of betties on the table. "Careful, they're hot," she said as she helped herself to one. Thunderlane did the same. "So uh," Applejack began, "Ah ain't no good at this, but...dang it all," she muttered, "Ah'm lookin' fer a stallion, an'—"

Thunderlane blinked at her. "You're asking me out?"

"Well...yeah," Applejack said, ducking her head.

"Why me?" Thunderlane asked curiously.

Applejack shrugged. "Why not?"

Thunderlane sighed. "I dunno," he said. "First of all, I barely even know you. Secondly, I just broke up with Cloudchaser..."

"Oh. Ah...didn't know that." Applejack sighed. "So...you ain't interested?"

Thunderlane tilted his head. "I'm flattered. And surprised." He flicked an ear. "I guess going out couldn't hurt. But let's go someplace simple, okay? Where we can just talk and have a good time."

"That sounds good t' me," Applejack said.

"How about Hay Burger?" Thunderlane suggested.

"Sure," Applejack agreed. "Tonight?"

"Actually, tomorrow would be better," Thunderlane said. "I sorta meant to spend some time with my kid brother today."

Applejack grinned. "Ah totally understand," she said.

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash landed on the floating cloud island that comprised the Wonderbolts training camp and administrative facilities. Several pegasi in the vicinity recognized her and greeted her; she waved back distractedly, heading for the building containing the offices of the Wonderbolts.

"Rainbow Dash!" a voice called. She turned and saw Spitfire, wearing her training suit and goggles, trotting briskly across the blacktop.

Rainbow saluted. "Ma'am!"

Spitfire laughed. "At ease," she said. "What's up?"

Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof. "Aheh...actually, I was lookin' for Soarin...thought I'd check around here first."

"Soarin, huh?" Spitfire echoed, tapping her muzzle with a hoof. "He's got a couple days off this week...knowing him, he's probably spending them at home." She rolled her eyes. "He's the laziest pony I know."

"Really?" Rainbow asked. "I didn't think any Wonderbolt could be lazy..."

Spitfire chuckled. "Hey, we're just like any other pony. So, what did you want with Soarin?"

Rainbow laughed sheepishly, trying and failing to fight a blush as she looked down. "Well, uhh...that's...I mean..."

Spitfire raised an eyebrow. "You want to ask him out, don't you?"

Rainbow nodded, face flaming.

Spitfire smirked. "Good luck," she said. "He's completely clueless. I'm not even sure he knows the difference between a mare and a stallion."

Rainbow's ears wilted. "Great," she muttered.

"Here, I'll give you his address..."

An hour later, Rainbow was standing in front of a small cloud house on the edge of Cloudsdale. There were no frills, no columns...it was a two-story structure that was, by pegasus standards, completely unremarkable. "Huh," she muttered. She flew up to the door and knocked.

The door opened to reveal a sleepy-eyed Soarin. His mane was completely bedraggled and he had what Rainbow Dash assumed to be crusty, dried-up pie filling stains on his coat. Soarin blinked at her. "Uhh....hey, Rainbow Dash."

"Hey Soarin," Rainbow said. "You're not, uh...busy are you?"

"Not really," Soarin said. "I'm just chillin'. Oh, uh...wanna come in?"

Rainbow trotted in and looked around. She'd never actually seen a bachelor pad before, but she decided Soarin's house was probably the archetype of one. His flight suit hung rumpled over the back of the sofa, a number of empty pie tins lay scattered around, and magazines were strewn all over the floor. *Holy CRAP,* Rainbow thought.

"Uhh...sorry 'bout the mess," Soarin said. "I kinda let things go when I'm on vacation."

"It's...it's cool," Rainbow said.

"So what brings you by?" Soarin asked.

"Oh, uh..." Rainbow shook herself, then turned to face Soarin. "I uh...came by to ask you out. You know, on a date."

Soarin blinked. "A...date?"

"Yeah," Rainbow said, ducking her head. "You know...you, me, goin' someplace cool, gettin' to know each other..."

"Wow. Um. Wow," Soarin said. "I...sure?" he hazarded uncertainly.

"Great!" Rainbow said. "Get cleaned up and meet me outside the palace in Ponyville at around sunset. I know a great night spot."

"Okay," Soarin said. "I'll be there."

As Rainbow left, Soarin sat down, blinking repeatedly. "I have a date?"

* * * * *

Twilight had spent the remainder of the day making arrangements and packing, anticipating a lengthy stay in the Crystal Empire. Although she wasn't looking forward to courting the Flash Sentry who was so unlike the boy she'd danced with at the Fall Formal, she was looking forward to spending some time with her brother and Cadance, even if the visit was sudden and unannounced.

Morning saw Twilight, luggage in tow, standing on the platform at the train station. Her presence drew a bit of commotion, as she was wearing her crown and some of her regalia—namely, the gold shoes with her cutie mark on them.

The long train ride to the Crystal Empire was comfortable, as she had been given an entire car to herself. She spent the majority of the trip reading.

Once the train arrived in the Crystal Empire, she disembarked and retrieved her luggage. Her sudden appearance on the platform drew murmurs of surprise and intrigue. It amused and delighted her that for all the attention she herself drew as a princess, there was just as much commotion from crystal ponies hoping to catch a glimpse of Spike; she felt a touch of regret that she'd have to disappoint them. "Hello, my little ponies," she addressed the crowd. "I'm sorry, but Spike isn't with me this time. He's needed back in Ponyville."

There were disappointed moans and sighs from the crystal ponies, but they still welcomed Twilight openly; a line of crystal ponies queued up to form an honor guard, parading her up the thoroughfare to the Crystal Palace. The commotion drew attention from the guards, who met them a good dozen yards from the gates. When they saw who was approaching, they sent a page to alert Cadance and Shining Armor, and offered to carry her luggage.

Within minutes, Twilight stood inside the cavernous rotunda of the palace, and Cadance swooped down upon her, sweeping her up in a hug. "Twilight!" she exclaimed. "It's so good to see you! I wasn't expecting you!"

"I wasn't expecting me either," Twilight said with a giggle as she returned her sister-in-law's embrace. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Cadance said. She studied Twilight. "You've gotten taller since the last time I saw you," she accused.

Twilight laughed self-consciously. "Ever since I got my castle, I've started growing a little bit every week," she said. "Rarity calls it 'alicorn puberty'," she added with a blush.

Cadance giggled. "She's pretty much dead on," she said. "Come on up, I'm sure Shining Armor will be happy to see his 'little' sister."

Cadance gave a page orders to prepare rooms for Twilight and to take her luggage, then escorted Twilight to the royal suite she shared with Shining Armor. "So, what brings you to the Crystal Empire?" Cadance asked.

"Oh, well...just visiting..." Twilight said.

Cadance suddenly stopped, turned, and tilted her head, appraising Twilight. A knowing smirk crossed her face. "You're here to see Flash Sentry," she said.

"What?! No, I—"

"Don't even try it, Twilight," Cadance said, waving her off with a hoof. "Or did you forget what my special talent is?"

Twilight ducked her head sheepishly. "Alright, that's exactly why I'm here."

Cadance giggled. "I thought you decided you didn't have any chemistry with Flash?"

"Well...I've...just decided to give him another chance," Twilight said awkwardly.

Cadance smiled. "I'm glad to hear it," she said. "I'll help out any way I can. Although I doubt I'll have to do anything." She poked Twilight in the chest with a hoof. "It's not like any stallion is going to say no to a princess."

Twilight rolled her eyes.

When they reached the royal suite, Shining Armor looked up in surprise. "Twiley!" he shouted, galloping full-force and tackling his sister. "It's so good to see you, little sis!" Ordinarily, a tackle from Shining Armor would pin Twilight and send them both tumbling plot-over-muzzle. Instead, Shining collided with Twilight as though she were a stone wall and fell to the floor with a strained grunt.

"She's not so little anymore," Cadance said with a giggle.

"Are you okay, BBBFF?" Twilight asked, eyes wide with alarm.

Shining grunted and pushed himself to his hooves. "Ugh...you've gotten...solid..."

"Sorry," Twilight said sheepishly.

"You'd better not do that to Flash Sentry," Cadance said with a sly smirk. "There's nothing a stallion hates worse than having his pride hurt."

Shining blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Twilight's here to make hay with a certain pegasus..."

* * * * *

Pinkie Pie found Cheese Sandwich in Dodge Junction, critically examining a banner for the town's Cherry Jamboree. "Heya Cheesie!"

Cheese turned around and hopped in place, a broad smile on his face. "Hi Pinkie!"

"Wanna be my boyfriend?" Pinkie asked.

"Boy, do I!" Cheese said, grinning.

"Awesome!" Pinkie looked around. "Need any help?"

"Heh, you know it!" Cheese said.

"Let's make some chimicherrychangas!"

Author's Note

From this point forward, each chapter will consist of one scene for each mare/couple.

Chapter 2: First Dates

Twilight straightened her tiara and walked briskly down the east wing corridor where she'd been told Flash Sentry was stationed. She found him guarding, ironically, the room where the mirror was kept, alongside a middle-aged crystal pony.

As she approached, the guards dipped their heads respectfully. She lifted her head and regarded them from the corners of her eyes. "Gentlecolts," she said. She then stopped, turned, and faced Flash. "You there," she said.

"Me?" Flash asked, gulping.

"I feel the need to stretch my wings, but I don't like flying alone," Twilight said. "As Princess Cadance is otherwise occupied at the moment, and you are the only pegasus guard at the palace, you will accompany me on a flight over the Crystal Empire."

Flash blinked. "Err...of course, Your Highness."

Flash followed Twilight to a second-story balcony where they launched themselves into the air. As they soared up over the palace, Twilight glided closer to Flash. "So, how've you been?" she asked.

"Err...f-fine, Your Highness," Flash said.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You can drop the 'Your Highness' stuff, Flash," she said. "I really just wanted a chance to talk."

"Oh. Um...that's...great, Princess Twilight." Flash tilted his head. "I...kinda got the impression last time we talked that you didn't like me very much."

Twilight had the grace to blush. "Look, Flash," she said with a sigh. "I...last time..." She took a deep breath. "You know about the whole thing with the mirror and the other world, right?"

"It's...not really a secret, at least around the palace," Flash replied.

"Well...the truth is..." Twilight did a roll underneath Flash, coming along his other side. "In...that other world...I met another Flash Sentry. And, well..."

Flash regarded her and frowned. "Oh, so that's what it is."

"I...went to a dance with that Flash," Twilight said. "And, well..." She averted her gaze. "When I decided to talk to you, I guess...it didn't even occur to me how different you'd be from him. Because everyone else I met there was so much like the ponies I know here." She frowned. "But then, I only really knew him for a couple of days. I guess...I didn't really get to know him at all. So I was comparing you to—"

"A crush you had, I get it," Flash said. He sighed. "Well, that explains a lot."

"But you see," Twilight said, "I realized...that wasn't fair of me at all. And, I thought, well..." She took a deep breath, then looked directly at Flash. "I thought maybe I should take another chance...get to know you...maybe see what's special about this Flash Sentry."

Flash looked at her, slightly stunned. "I...I don't know what to say..."

"Just say you'll spend some time with me while I'm here," Twilight said.

Flash tilted his head. "I know a place that makes a great crystal corn chowder," he said.

"Sounds great! Let's go!"

"Um...now? I mean, I'm kind of on duty—"

Twilight giggled. "Already taken care of. Cadance said I could borrow you."

"Well...alright then." Flash smiled and made a sweeping dive into the heart of the city. Twilight followed him.

For the next hour, Twilight and Flash sampled some of the Crystal Empire's best (according to him) fare and engaged in pleasant conversation, getting to know one another. After that, they took another leisurely flight around the city, returning to the palace once they were both tired. Flash escorted Twilight to her suite, where she thanked him for the lovely afternoon.

When she entered her suite, Cadance was waiting for her. "So, how'd it go?" Cadance asked.

Twilight sighed. "He's...well, he's nice and everything. But..."

"But?"

"I just...don't think there's any real chemistry," Twilight said. "I'm not walking away from this just yet, but...honestly, the whole time we were talking, I tuned out most of what he was saying. He's just...not really my type."

Cadance frowned. "I'm sorry," she said. She stretched her wings. "If I may ask...what made you decide to give him a second chance in the first place?"

Twilight grimaced, ears folding. "I'm just trying to get a boyfriend. Flash Sentry is the closest thing I've ever had to one. I just hoped...maybe I'd hit it off with this Flash."

"You came all the way to the Crystal Empire just to find a boyfriend?" Cadance asked.

"Well I'm not gonna find one in Ponyville," Twilight muttered. "Anyway...I'm not giving up on this after just one date. Maybe Flash has hidden depths I haven't discovered yet!" She stood tall and proud, wings flared. "I'm gonna FIND something amazing about Flash Sentry that's boyfriend material!"

Cadance rolled her eyes and giggled. "Just don't blow up my kingdom."

* * * * *

Spike, dressed in his adorable little tuxedo, sat across from Rarity, who wore a simple yet elegant ensemble and a broad, lacy chapeau, at the very same outdoor cafe he and Twilight had visited on that disastrous day when half of Ponyville tried to get Twilight's extra ticket for the Gala.

"You know, this is the same cafe I was at with Twilight that day she had that Gala ticket everypony wanted," Spike said.

"Goodness, that was so long ago," Rarity chuckled. "So much has happened since you two moved to Ponyville..."

"Boy I'll say," Spike said. "Nightmare Moon, Trixie, parasprites, the Gala, Discord, the wedding, Sombra, Trixie again, Discord again, Twilight becoming a princess, that crazy mirror world, Discord again...kinda...Tirek, the library blowing up, the new castle..." He poured crushed rubies on his hay fries. "Life sure isn't boring around here."

"And all this time, you've only had eyes for me," Rarity said warmly. "And I've...well..."

"Been a good friend," Spike said. "A great friend!" He looked down.

"Well, yes, but I could have been more...sensitive to your feelings," Rarity said. She sighed as she took a dainty bite of a watercress sandwich.

"Oh, that's alright," Spike said, nibbling on a hay fry. "I'm just...happy to be here, right now...with you..."

Rarity coughed delicately. "Yes, well..." She sipped her water. "Speaking of time...I can't believe how much Sweetie Belle has grown. It seems like only yesterday she was just starting school, and now..."

"Huh? Oh, yeah...the Cutie Mark Crusaders are really growing up," Spike said. "They've stopped causing random chaos...mostly. They've really settled down and matured."

"And Sweetie Belle's magic is coming along swimmingly," Rarity said. "Why, I imagine she'll be having her very own cute-ceañera any time now!"

"Isn't it a bit weird that the Crusaders don't have their cutie marks yet?" Spike wondered. "I mean, the rest of their class got theirs like, two or three years ago..."

"Sometimes late bloomers are the most special of all," Rarity said. "Why, I myself was a bit of a late bloomer, you know..." She smiled. "Still, in a few years' time, Sweetie Belle is going to be quite the elegant young mare...why, I imagine she'll have the eye of every colt in Ponyville!"

"Well if she turns out anything like you," Spike said with a chuckle.

"I actually envy her, you know," Rarity said with a theatrical sigh. "I am, of course, the most glamorous and elegant mare in Ponyville, but...I'm rapidly approaching the peak of my prime. My heyday, as it were. Whereas she, well...she's next year's model. The next big thing. The next generation of fabulosity, if you will." Rarity daubed at her face with her napkin. "So lucky, to have her best years stretched out before her..."

Spike gave Rarity a flat stare. "Rarity. What the heck are you up to."

Rarity blinked. "Up to? Why...whatever could you possibly mean, Spikey-Wikey?"

"You suddenly invited me out on a date, out of the blue, and we get here, and all you want to talk about is Sweetie Belle. I'm not an idiot."

Rarity's ears wilted. "S-Spike...darling..."

"I totally get it," Spike said. "You woke up this morning, you saw those little wrinkles around your eyes, you freaked out, and you're fishing for compliments."

Rarity stared at him, flabbergasted. "I...what...! I...no! That's..." She frowned. "Wrinkles? Really?"

Spike shrugged. "It's no big deal, really," he said. "You can barely even notice them. You're not getting old, Rarity. You're still as gorgeous as ever. You don't need to be jealous of Sweetie Belle. She's a filly, you're a mare. She's not even in your league." Spike munched a clawful of fries. "Just get a facial at the spa, you'll be good as new."

Rarity slumped against the table and dejectedly ate the rest of her sandwich in silence.

* * * * *

Fluttershy greeted Big Macintosh at the door of her cottage. "Good evening, Big Macintosh," she said.

"Evenin'," Big Mac said. "Ah brought us a pie."

"That's so thoughtful of you!" Fluttershy said happily. "I've got our picnic supper packed up. I thought we'd go down by the brook. It's a very pleasant place for a picnic."

Fluttershy and Big Mac, picnic supplies in tow, headed down to the brook. The sun was low in the sky, the horizon beginning to glow with beautiful sunset hues. They worked together to spread out a blanket; Fluttershy laid out a sumptuous feast, and they settled in to eat.

"You make a good carrot salad, Miss Fluttershy," Big Macintosh said.

Fluttershy beamed. "Thank you. I've had lots of experience."

"Angel?" Big Macintosh asked with a tilt of his head.

"Actually, not really," Fluttershy said. "He's more into green veggies than carrots." She blushed. "I like carrots. I know fifty seven different carrot recipes."

"That's a lot of carrot recipes," Big Mac said.

Fluttershy fluttered her wings and smiled.

Carrots stewed and carrots fried,
Carrot salad, carrot pie,
Carrot pasta, carrot juice,
Peas and carrots, carrot mousse,
Eating carrots helps you see,
It makes you strong just like a tree,
Carrots go with anything,
Try copper pennies for some zing!

Big Macintosh chuckled. "You sure love singin'."

"I really do," Fluttershy said. "Oh...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I mean..."

"It's alright," Big Mac said. "Th' singin' wasn't what bothered me." He looked down. "Ah just...Ah'm a mite skittish around mares."

"Really?" Fluttershy asked.

"Well...when they start actin' funny around me," Big Macintosh clarified. "Ah've had...some odd experiences." He snorted. "Sometimes it seems like Ah only attract crazy mares."

"Oh..." Fluttersy said softly, ears folding. "I'm sorry."

"T'ain't your fault," Big Mac said. "T'be honest? This is the first real date Ah've ever been on."

"You're kidding!" Fluttershy gasped. Then, with a faint blush, she added, "Well...it's also my first date, actually."

Fluttershy and Big Mac ate in silence for a while, enjoying the sounds of the wind rustling through the grass and the babbling of the brook. They watched the sun set with lazy, sleepy smiles.

"This was nice," Big Mac said. "Ah wouldn't...Ah wouldn't mind doin' this again."

Fluttershy beamed. "Me too," she said. "Maybe I'll make carrot lasagna next time."

"Carrot lasagna? Really?" Big Mac asked, tilting his head.

"Oh yes. With zucchini."

Big Mac chuckled. "Alright then. Ah look forward to it." He helped Fluttershy clean up, walked her back to her cottage, then headed home.

Halfway to Sweet Apple Acres, something slammed into his side painfully, sending him sprawling.

"YOU WILL LOVE ONLY ME!!" a mare's voice screeched.

Everything went black.

* * * * *

Applejack met Thunderlane in the town square late in the evening. "Hey there, Thunderlane," she said.

"Hey Applejack," Thunderlane greeted. "Oh, I uh...got you a little something." He rooted around in his saddlebag and produced a bright green bandana. "I didn't know how the usual flowers or candy would go over, and you've always struck me as more of a practical pony, so..."

Applejack smiled. "Ah like it!" She flicked her mane out of the way and let Thunderlane help her put it on.

"It really brings out your eyes," he said.

Applejack blushed. "Thanks," she said. "Well, wanna go grab some chow?"

They headed for Hay Burger, ordered, and found a table. "Ain't really been here in a while," Applejack said.

"Rumble loves it here," Thunderlane said. "Makes me take him once a week."

"Yer brother, right?" At Thunderlane's nod, Applejack smiled. "So y'all are pretty close?"

"Totally!" Thunderlane said. "I mean, yeah, every now and then he gets on my nerves, but that's just family for you, am I right?"

"Heh, Ah know exactly what you mean," Applejack said, biting into her burger. "Ah couldn't..." She chewed, then swallowed. "Ah couldn't be prouder of Apple Bloom, even if sometimes Ah wanna wring her li'l neck when she pulls one'a them crazy stunts."

"Come to think of it, it's been a while since the Cutie Mark Crusaders caused a real disaster, hasn't it?"

"Hey now, disaster's a mighty strong wo—" Applejack trailed off. "Okay yeah, they've made some pretty big messes. But they're growin' up. They ain't even done any real crusadin' in a while." She sighed. "Ain't gonna be long afore Apple Bloom gets her cutie mark..."

"Yeah...I'm expecting Rumble to get his any day now." Thunderlane took a sip of his soda. "They grow up too fast, don't they?"

"They surely do," Applejack agreed. "Couple more years an' Ah'll be havin' t' give 'er th' talk..." Applejack laughed. "Ah remember Granny givin' me th' talk. Ma tried, but...bless her soul, she couldn't spit it out. Granny got fed up an' did it for 'er."

"It must be hard," Thunderlane said. "I mean...like I said, I barely know you, but...we all know what happened to your..." He trailed off. "Sorry. I shouldn't—"

"Nah, it's alright," Applejack said, a faint pain in her eyes. "Ah do miss 'em. An' it is pretty tough..." She looked down. "Ah try too hard sometimes. A while back, Apple Bloom showed me how...how much she's grown...Ah couldn't be prouder, but..."

Thunderlane smiled. "You're gonna be a great mother, when you're ready."

Applejack blushed. "Thanks," she said. She faked a cough and gulped her soda. "So uhh..."

They talked casually as they finished their meals. They headed to Sugar Cube Corner for dessert, where they continued their casual, friendly conversation. After that, Thunderlane walked Applejack home. They walked slowly, enjoying the crisp night air.

When they arrived at the front door, Applejack looked Thunderlane in the eye. "Ah had a great time tonight," she said.

"Me too," Thunderlane agreed.

Applejack dug a hoof into the ground. "So uhh...wanna maybe do this again? Soonish?"

Thunderlane grinned. "You bet." He took off into the night sky, wings beating powerfully; he stopped to wave back at her before heading home.

Applejack smiled, ran a hoof over her new bandana, and went inside.

Apple Bloom pounced her before she could even close the door. "How was your date?" she asked excitedly.

Applejack mussed her hair fondly. "It went pretty good," she said. She looked around. "Where's Big Mac? Ah ain't seen him since last night..."

Apple Bloom winced. "Uhh...yeah...about that..."

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash and Soarin trotted into Ponyville's premiere (and only) nightclub, The Stomp. The lighting inside was dim, the dance floor was moderately crowded, and the bass from the sound system shook the entire club. DJ P0N-3 sat behind the turntables, scratching records and pumping a hoof in the air.

Rainbow led Soarin over to the bar. "Two Zaps," she told the barmare.

"Comin' right up." Tall glasses were soon placed before them, full of a murky, rainbow-colored beverage.

Rainbow leaned her back against the bar as she sipped her drink, looking out over the floor. "This place is pretty kickin', don'tcha think?"

"Yeah, good music...not too crowded," Soarin agreed. He took a sip of his drink. "Wow, that's strong stuff."

"The pride of Ponyville," Rainbow said. She slammed back the rest of her drink. "Whaddya say we get out there, show 'em some radical moves?"

"I don't think I have any radical moves," Soarin said. "Not on the ground, anyway."

"Psssh," Rainbow snorted derisively. "We're two of the most awesome athletes in Equestria! We can handle a little dancing."

For the next half hour, Rainbow thrashed around wildly on the floor, forcing the ponies around her to clear space. Soarin tried his best to keep up with his energetic date; more often than not, he wound up with his muzzle on the floor.

When they decided to take a break, Rainbow ordered another round of Zaps. "Wow, Soarin, you're hopeless on your hooves," Rainbow said with a chuckle and a friendly punch to the shoulder.

Soarin blushed. "So I've been told," he said. "I've always been clumsy on the ground." He glanced at her. "But you, well...you're amazing!"

"Yeah I am!" Rainbow agreed loudly, belching. "On land, in the air, I'm awesome anywhere!"

"I wish I had half your confidence," Soarin said. He took a deep swallow of his drink. "Sometimes I—"

Whatever he meant to say, he never got around to saying it. He fell flat on his face with a loud thump, his glass shattering on the floor beside him.

"Soarin? You okay? Yoo-hoo, Soarin...wake up...oh boy." Rainbow looked around at the ponies who were observing the fallen pegasus and gave a sheepish chuckle. "Uhh..."

Several minutes later, Rainbow deposited Soarin on a bench near the center of town. She filled a bucket with water and splashed some of it on his face. Soarin awoke with a start and a sputter, shaking his head. "What...huh....agh!" He clutched his head. "Ugh..." He leaned over the back of the bench and vomited.

"Ech," Rainbow winced. She offered Soarin the bucket; he slowly drank the rest of the water, then flopped back onto the bench. "Uhh...sorry 'bout that. I...didn't know you—"

"Couldn't handle my booze?" Soarin finished. He chuckled weakly. "Neither did I. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash."

"Nah, it's my bad," Rainbow said. "So...how 'bout next time, we just catch a movie?" She grinned weakly.

Soarin smiled. "You mean you'd go out with me again after I did something that uncool?"

"Well...yeah," Rainbow said. "I mean, we all have our off days."

"A movie sounds great," Soarin said.

* * * * *

Pinkie Pie lay sprawled on a grassy hill, covered from head to hoof in cake frosting. Cheese Sandwich lay beside her, covered in confetti.

"I haven't partied that hard in ever," Pinkie breathed dreamily.

"I didn't even know I could party that hard," Cheese said. "You're amazing, Pinkie."

"Aww," Pinkie cooed. "You say the sweetest things."

Chapter 3: The Mind of a Mare

When Big Macintosh came to, he was lying in a bed of moldy hay covered in a thick wool blanket. The view through the tiny window said he was in his own hayloft; he was fettered.

"Alright, who done this?" he asked.

"So you do prefer girls with wings," a voice like garlic scraped across a rusty cheese grater said from somewhere to his right.

A sky-blue pegasus mare with a wind-swept white mane trotted into view. "I've been watching you, Big Macintosh," she said. "Ever since the festival where we first met." Her fuschia eyes glistened in the soft light; she batted her eyelashes at him with a sultry smirk. "You're definitely the stallion for me."

"Eeenope," Big Mac replied with a frown.

"Do you know who I am?" the mare asked. "I'm Fleetfoot. I'm one of the elite Wonderbolts. I'm known all across Equestria!"

"So?" Big Mac grunted.

"So I'm a prime mare!" Fleetfoot rasped, flaring her wings. "I can give you so much! We could have an awesome life!"

"Lady, yer nuts," Big Mac rumbled. With a little effort, he shattered the fetters binding his legs and pushed himself to his hooves. "An' whut's th' big idea, hidin' me out in mah own barn?"

"Well..." Fleetfoot said, visibly alarmed at how easily he'd freed himself. "You're...really heavy," she said. "And...I didn't..." She faltered. "Ponyville's not my town, okay?"

"You should go now," Big Macintosh said sternly.

"Big Macintosh?" a soft voice called from outside. "Are you here? Apple Bloom said you never made it home last night..."

Fleetfoot growled. "Her," she spat.

"Ah'm up here, Fluttershy," Big Mac called out.

"Oh, what a relief!" Fluttershy called from outside. She fluttered into view, peering through the window. "I was so worried, and—oh, um...hello..." She withdrew hesitantly, ears wilting. A small frown appeared on her face. "I...didn't know you had...a guest..."

"She ain't no guest," Big Mac said.

"He's right, I'm not a guest," Fleetfoot said, smirking confidently. "I'm his future bride."

"Oh," Fluttershy whispered. "Oh. Um...congrat—"

"SHE KNOCKED ME OUT AN' FETTERED ME!" Big Macintosh thundered.

Fluttershy's eyes narrowed. "She...did...WHAT?"

Fleetfoot rolled her eyes. "Puh-LEEZE, Fluttershy. I've seen you fly, if you can even call it that. You really think a weak, wimpy mare like you deserves a strapping hunk of stallion like him?"

"Get out of that barn before I drag you out," Fluttershy whispered.

Fleetfoot laughed. "Reality check! I'm a Wonderbolt. You couldn't—"

The side of the barn exploded, splinters and slivers flying every which way. Fluttershy plowed into Fleetfoot, grabbed her around the barrel, and tackled her through the opposite wall.

Big Macintosh sat wide-eyed in the hay, staring at the huge hole in the wall. He blinked several times.

Outside, the sounds of violence disturbed the tranquility of Sweet Apple Acres.

After several harrowing minutes, Fluttershy returned to the loft. Her mane was in disarray, her coat was mussed and matted with blood, and she had a shiner blossoming around her left eye. Several feathers in her wings were bent and rumpled. She smiled at Big Macintosh. "So, um...take you to breakfast?" She asked brightly. "Maybe...after I...pass out?" With that, she wobbled on her hooves and collapsed to the hay.

"Fluttershy!" Big Mac cried, rushing over and squatting beside her. "Why'd you hafta go an'...an'—"

Fluttershy's eyes fluttered weakly, and she smiled up at Big Mac. "I...guess she just rubbed me the wrong way," she said with a gentle, musical laugh.

From out in the orchard, they heard Rainbow Dash cry, "Fleetfoot?! What the hay happened to you?!"

Big Macintosh trotted over to the hole and looked out. Down below, Fleetfoot lay on the ground, completely trampled, her wings bent at odd angles. He looked back at Fluttershy, eyes shrunk to pinpricks and ears flat.

Fluttershy giggled sheepishly. "Did I mention I wrestle bears?" she said weakly. She then passed out.

* * * * *

Flash Sentry stared at the youngest alicorn princess in Equestria in complete and utter shock. "You wanna WHAT?!"

He had to have heard wrong. There was simply no possible way Princess Twilight Sparkle had just asked—

"I want to measure your penis," Twilight said.

Oh Celestia's hairy hiney, she DID.

"I'm compiling a list of your desirable qualities as a boyfriend," Twilight said. "I thought it would be more efficient to get the tangibles out of the way quickly, then move on to the more esoteric traits." She smiled brightly, a tape measure, a notebook, and a quill floating around her. "So I want to measure your penis. I mean, that's a pretty important factor in a relationship, right?"

"I...guess?" Flash ventured, taking a nervous step away. *Is she insane?!* "Umm...I don't know if I'm really...comfortable...with that idea..."

"Oh, don't be silly!" Twilight said. "It's just a measurement."

"That's..." Flash swallowed. "That's not really the point. I mean, that's...an awfully...personal..."

Twilight cocked her head. "But isn't a relationship all about getting personal?"

"There's personal, and then there's personal," Flash said. "And...I don't know much about dating, but I'm pretty sure measuring...things...isn't normal."

Twilight laughed. "That's just silly talk," she said. "See? I have a checklist right here! I've carefully considered all the possible traits a mare such as myself would look for in a potential love interest. A very important consideration is physical compatibility."

Flash cowered. "Maybe...like...third date?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and flipped a page on her clipboard. "Negative traits: big baby," she said aloud as she wrote.

"Hey!"

"Let's move on to the interview," Twilight said...

* * * * *

Spike entered Carousel Boutique in search of Rarity. He called out for her, and heard her reply from her workroom.

He trotted in. "Hey Rarity. It's almost time for that movie."

Rarity looked up from her sewing machine, adjusting her sewing glasses. She smiled apologetically. "Oh, Spikey-boo...I'm ever so sorry, but a very sudden order came in, and I won't be able to go to the movies with you."

"Oh. Okay." Spike shrugged.

"Actually, though..." Rarity said. "I could really use a favor."

"Sure, what's up?" Spike asked.

"Would you mind taking Sweetie Belle to that movie instead? I know she's been wanting to see it, and her little friends are otherwise occupied today..."

"Yeah, okay," Spike agreed. "I don't mind."

"Oh, Spike, you are an absolute gem!" Rarity said sunnily. "Sweetie Belle?" she called out.

Sweetie Belle trotted into the room. "Yes, Rarity?"

"I want you to go with Spike to the movies. We were going to go see that new musical, you know, the one you want to see so badly? Only I've become quite busy suddenly."

Sweetie Belle turned to Spike, tilting her head. "Well, I do want to see that movie pretty badly...are you sure you want to?"

"Sure," Spike said. "It'll be my treat."

"Okay!" Sweetie Belle agreed.

Rarity smiled. "You two run along now, don't want to miss the show..."

As Spike and Sweetie Belle left, Rarity grinned. "Rarity, you are an absolute genius..."

* * * * *

Applejack was staring in horror at the damage to the hayloft when she heard soft wingbeats behind her. "Hey Applejack," Thunderlane said. "Just thought I'd drop...by...what happened here?"

Applejack shook her head. "It's been one crazy day," she said. "From what Ah've been able t' piece together, Fluttershy got in a catfight with one'a them Wonderbolts over mah brother. She's pretty banged up, Big Mac's inside lookin' after 'er, they scraped Fleetfoot off th' ground an' took 'er to th' hospital a little while ago, an' now Ah gotta deal with this mess."

Thunderlane scratched his head. "Need a hoof?"

Applejack grinned. "Sure."

* * * * *

Rainbow Dash was pacing nervously in the waiting room at Ponyville General when Soarin and Spitfire arrived. "We came as fast as we could," Spitfire said. "What happened?"

"Fleetfoot got creamed in a fight," Rainbow said glumly. "The doctors said she'll be out of commission for at least a month."

"Fleetfoot got in a fight?" Soarin asked, eyes wide. "Who with?"

"Fluttershy," Rainbow said.

Spitfire blinked. "Fluttershy?! As in your timid friend Fluttershy?"

"I still don't know exactly what happened," Rainbow said. "All I know is Fleetfoot did something to tick Fluttershy off, and she just...took her apart."

"Fluttershy. The most gentle pegasus in Equestria. Took a Wonderbolt apart."

"Fluttershy can be pretty scary when she's mad," Rainbow said.

Soarin shook his head. "What the heck could Fleetfoot possibly have done to—"

"I dunno, but she messed with the wrong pony," Rainbow said. "Both her wings are broken and she's got a split hoof. And a busted lip. And I think Fluttershy broke her tail, too."

"Yikes," Soarin said.

Spitfire winced. "What about...what about Fluttershy?" she asked.

"Yeah, I checked up on her before I left Sweet Apple Acres," Rainbow said. "She passed out, but she's mostly just got a black eye and a few bent feathers. Applejack and Big Macintosh are looking after her." She scratched her head. "Fleetfoot doesn't have any friends in Ponyville except me, so I decided to stick close until you got here."

"I just don't get it," Soarin said. "Why would those two get in a fight?"

"I dunno, but Fleetfoot must've really done somethin' messed up," Rainbow said. "I've...I've never seen a pony get pasted like this before."

A nurse came out. "Fleetfoot's resting comfortably," she said. "We've given her some painkillers. Whatever mauled her must be a real monster."

"Uhh..." Rainbow said.

"I'll go sit with her," Spitfire said. She looked from Soarin to Rainbow. "You two should get out of here. Maybe catch a movie." She smirked. "You are dating, right?"

"Are you crazy?" Rainbow demanded. "One of my best friends just went nuts and beat one of my idols into a pulp! I can't just—"

"There's no point in all of us sitting here with Fleetfoot," Spitfire said. "Not if she's doped up on meds."

"Yeah, but even so, Fluttershy..."

"Is in good hooves, right?" Spitfire asked. "You said it yourself, two of your other friends are looking after her." She smiled. "I know you're worried about both of them, but there isn't really anything you can do right now. Why don't you get out of here and go have some fun together?"

Soarin looked at Rainbow, frowning. "I...won't twist your hoof, but...I don't really like hospitals."

Rainbow frowned. "Me neither," she said. "And...much as I wanna know what the hay happened...if I go back to Sweet Apple Acres, AJ'll probably make me help her fix those big holes in the barn. Which is not awesome." She sighed. "I guess goin' out to a movie is better than sittin' around worryin'."

Spitfire smiled. "That's the spirit! You two have a good time now."

By the time they arrived at Ponyville's movie theater, Rainbow Dash's mood had improved somewhat. They'd chatted on the way, and the promise of a good action flick had Rainbow buzzing with excitement.

Rainbow flitted back and forth between the posters hanging outside. "This one looks awesome...oh, but this one looks more awesome!" She turned to Soarin. "Which one should we choose?"

Soarin shrugged. "They both look cool to me. You decide."

Rainbow thought. "Well...this one sounds cool and all, but...this one has Samule L. Jackass in it..."

"Samule L. Jackass is one of my favorite actors!" Soarin said brightly.

"Mine too!" Rainbow agreed, fluttering her wings. "So, we're watching this one?"

"Yep."

Having decided on their movie, the two pegasi got in line for the ticket stand. "Man, I hate waiting in line," Rainbow grumbled. "Waiting in line for stuff reminds me of cider season and how I never get to the head of the line in time."

Soarin chuckled. "You just need to learn a little patience," he said. "I take a laid-back attitude toward things like that."

"I'm laid-back!" Rainbow said. "I'm super laid-back! I just hate lines."

As they waited, Rainbow hovered up above the line to do a little pony-watching. "Hey, I see Spike up there," she said. She frowned. "Huh. He's not with Rarity. He's with...Sweetie Belle?!" She dropped down. "Hey Soarin, hold my place, okay?"

Without waiting for a reply, Rainbow zipped up the side of the line. "Hey Spike."

"Oh, hi Rainbow Dash! Are you here to watch a movie too?"

"Yeah, I'm on a date with Soarin," Rainbow said. "Are you here on a date with Sweetie Belle?"

Spike spluttered, looking back at Sweetie, who turned red. "We're...I just...Rarity asked me to take Sweetie Belle to a movie because she was busy with work, that's all!"

"Oh, okay." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Well, have fun, you two." She flew back to her place in line, gears turning in her head.

*Don't tell me...Rarity's trying to sabotage the game? That little...!*

* * * * *

Two sets of hooves thundered down a wide, paved trail as Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich beat a hasty exit from Hoofston.

"You think...we...lost them?" Pinkie asked.

Cheese risked a glance over his shoulder. His eyes bugged out. "Oh crap, they're catching up to us!"

"This is so stupid!" Pinkie declared. "What the hay are they so mad at us for, anyway?"

"I think...it was...the red balloons..."

"Why wouldn't they like red balloons? I love red balloons! Red balloons are the ballooniest balloons!"

"But...the party...was for...a bunch of bulls..."

Two dozen bulls chased two panicky party ponies across the praries.

Author's Note

Sorry for the lengthy delay on this. I can't promise there won't be another delay, as I have so much else I'm working on at the moment...

Chapter 4: Mistakes Were Made

Soarin and Rainbow Dash went to Hay Burger after the movie. "That movie was awesome," Rainbow said as she dumped ketchup on a basket of hay fries.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool," Soarin agreed. He poked a stray pickle back into his burger. "Listen...Rainbow Dash..."

"Yeah?" Rainbow asked through a mouthful of hay fries and ketchup.

"This whole dating thing...are we doing it right?" Soarin asked. "I mean, are you...are we having fun, or...?"

"Hay yeah!" Rainbow said. "We're hangin' out, havin' fun...I'm not big on all that drippy sappy romantic date junk. I'm havin' fun with you." She tilted her head. "Yeah, I'm worried about Fluttershy, an' about what went down with Fleetfoot, but...nopony's dead, Fleetfoot'll get better, an' AJ an' Big Mac are lookin' after Fluttershy, so I can relax and have a good time with you. I'll worry about all that other stuff later."

"So...you do enjoy spending time with me?" Soarin asked.

"Of course I do!"

Soarin sighed with relief. "Good. I was afraid...maybe I was too boring for you."

"Nah, you're cool," Rainbow said.

"It's just...I've only ever had like, one girlfriend...I don't think she liked me very much."

Rainbow stopped stuffing her face. "Really?"

"And...she wasn't exactly a girlfriend." Soarin looked sheepish. "She um...actually she was more of a gold-digger."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Soarin sipped his soda. "We were doing a show in Neighpon, and she...just latched onto me. Her name was Miso Horny."

Rainbow snorted. "What was she, a hooker?"

Soarin blushed furiously. "Actually...yeah." He looked down at his food. "She...she said she wanted to change her life, but she needed...she needed a good stallion for that. So she came back to Equestria with me, I rented her a place in Canterlot, we got together like, on weekends and stuff...she always wanted to go shopping, or wanted me to take her to all these fancy, expensive places..." He sighed. "She took me for everything she could, and then she met a unicorn stallion who had more money and that was it."

"Whoa." Rainbow shook her head. "Dude. That sucks." She paused. "Did she...I mean, did you and her...you know, nevermind. None of my business." She reached across the table and patted Soarin's hoof. "I'm goin' out with you because I want to. Because you're you. Not because you're a Wonderbolt..." She trailed off, then sighed and admitted, "Okay. You bein' a Wonderbolt is a major turn-on. But...you're a good guy, and I know you can keep up with me."

Soarin chuckled. "Nopony can keep up with you, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow grinned. "Yeah, okay, true that, but..." She popped a hay fry in her mouth. "I think we get each other, y'know?"

"Yeah...I think you're right."

"But you do gotta clean up that pigsty you live in. Seriously, dude. I'm surprised your house hasn't turned brown."

Soarin grimaced. "It's...it's not that bad...is it?"

"It's pretty bad," Rainbow said. "Rule one of having an awesome girlfriend: she's gonna come over, so you gotta keep your place clean."

"I'll...I'll be sure to clean it up when I get home."

* * * * *

Fluttershy made her way downstairs to find Big Macintosh, Applejack, and Thunderlane sitting at the kitchen table, eating brownies. "Mmm...those smell good..." she said.

They glanced up. "Hey, you alright?" Applejack asked.

"Oh...yes...I'm fine..." Fluttershy ducked her head. "I...Big Macintosh...I'm so sorry about...what happened..."

"Don't worry none about that. Sit on down, have some milk an' a brownie."

Fluttershy joined them at the table. "I'm surprised you made brownies," she said. "Usually, when you bake, it's..."

Applejack chuckled. "Come on now, sugarcube. Ah can bake somethin' other than apple treats now an' along." She sipped her milk. "So...Big Mac sorta told us what happened, but...mind fillin' me in on th' whole story?"

Fluttershy looked down sheepishly. "Oh my...I did something so terrible..." She looked up. "Is...is Fleetfoot alright?"

The others looked around at one another.

"You...kinda put 'er in th' hospital, sugarcube," Applejack said. "But...if'n what Big Mac's sayin' is true, she..."

"She dragged him up to the hayloft and fettered him, then...then said...really mean things to me..." Fluttershy took a bite of brownie. "And...well...I know this sounds terrible of me, but...I've never really liked Fleetfoot. Ever since the tryouts for the Equestria Games, she..." She shook her head. "She's the one who tried to talk Rainbow Dash into abandoning Ponyville, and...she just has that really irritating voice." Fluttershy covered her face with her wings. "Oh...oh my...I'm a terrible pony."

"You're a wonderful pony," Big Macintosh said. "Ah admit, Ah don't much care fer seein' two mares fightin' over me like that, but..."

"If'n you hadn't done what you did, Ah durn sure would have," Applejack said. "That mare is crazy."

"Well...yes...she is," Fluttershy agreed. "But that doesn't give me the right to try to eat her face or...or make her wings go up her...umm...rear end..."

"Okay how about we get AWAY from this topic right now?" Thunderlane suggested.

"Eeyup."

"Agreed."

* * * * *

"So," Cadance asked as she, Twilight, and Shining Armor had tea, "how's it going with Flash?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "He's a total wiener."

"Really?" Cadance asked.

Twilight calmly and clinically explained her attempts thus far to get to know Flash Sentry better. As she spoke, Shining Armor's eyes grew progressively wider, while Cadance brought a hoof to her face, brow furrowing in agony.

"And so we'd only gotten to page 73 of the section on personal history, the part about his lineage on his great-great-grandmother's side, when..."

"Just...just...stop," Cadance said.

Twilight faltered, frowning. "What?"

Shining Armor turned green. "You know...I'm pretty sure big brothers are supposed to feel protective of their sisters and dislike the boys they date, but...I think I actually feel sorry for Flash. Or any other guy you do all that to."

Twilight's ears wilted.

Cadance sighed. "Twilight...this isn't how love works. Love isn't about measurements and resumes and questionnaires, it's about...well...it's about chemistry."

"Right! Which brings me to page 379, which we never even got to—"

"NO!" Cadance shouted. "Not...not that kind of chemistry." She took a deep breath. "It's about...it's about how well you connect with another pony. Take me and Shining Armor, for instance. When I first laid eyes on him, I just...knew."

Shining Armor smiled.

Twilight tilted her head. "But...remember when Shiny left with Mom and Dad for his recital, and you made me tell you everything about him, and we sat up for hours making index cards and pie charts and—"

"THAT WAS DIFFERENT!" Cadance shouted, blushing furiously. "Besides, I was a teenager then! And...and..." She looked over at Shining Armor. "Help me out here!"

"Uhh...what my adoring and in no way deranged beautiful wife means," Shining said, "is...there has to be some attraction to begin with, or...forcing it isn't going to work."

Twilight frowned. "But...when I met the other Flash Sentry, all it took was me bumping into him and him helping me up..." She shook her head. "Why isn't it the same with this Flash? I don't get it..."

Cadance tilted her head. "Maybe it's a species thing?" she suggested. "You never had any interest in boys until you went to that other world, did you?"

"Well, no..."

"Then maybe you're just not into stallions. Or mares. Maybe you're into...what were they called again?"

"Humans?"

"That. Maybe that's what you're into."

Twilight's head drooped. "Well then I'm in real trouble." She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "Unleeeeeeeeess..."

"Oh, I do NOT like where this is going," Shining Armor muttered, diving behind the sofa.

* * * * *

"I'm back!" Sweetie Belle called.

"Welcome home!" Rarity called out. "Did you enjoy your movie?"

"Yeah, it was good!"

"Did you enjoy spending time with Spikey-wikey?"

"Sure, that was cool too. Well, I think I saw Button Mash headed for Sugar Cube Corner. I'm gonna go over there and have a milkshake. Later, Rarity!"

As the door closed, Rarity's eyes narrowed. "Button Mash, is it? Oh, no no no. That weird little colt is not taking my precious little sister away from Spikey-poo."

* * * * *

Pinkie Pie and Cheese stood on a hill overlooking the city of Party Gras, which was alive with lights and music and laughter and movement.

"It's beautiful," Pinkie said.

"They say the ponies of Party Gras party harder than anypony anywhere else in all of Equestria," Cheese said reverently.

Pinkie grinned. "They've never met us," she said.

"Are we...are we really ready for a party of that magnitude?" Cheese asked nervously.

Pinkie smirked at him. "Don't tell me you're...boneless."

Cheese narrowed his eyes at her. "Nopony calls me—"

"BOOP!" Pinkie exclaimed, poking Cheese on the snout.

Cheese blinked cross-eyed at his nose, then burst out laughing. "Okay, let's go say howdy to those party pilgrims."