Mr. Brony Goes to Equestriaby AngryCartoonGuyChaptersa.k.a The Death of the WriterEnding #1 - LunaEnding #2 - TwilightEnding #4 - Apple BloomEnding #5 - BraeburnFinale - Ending #7 - John DoeEnding #3 - ApplejackEnding #6 - Rainbow Dasha.k.a The Death of the WriterMr. Brony Goes to Equestria a.k.a The Death of the Writer by AngryCartoonGuy "Let me just pull these off, and... Ah... that's better." John Doe took off his enormous boxers and began to relax. He was ready for something beautiful. Something dirty. Something pony. You see, John Doe was a part of the Big Race Omens Never Yield tribe, or the Bronies for short. They indulged in sexy activities based off of their favorite thing ever, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. But the show had ended a month before, and now John felt empty inside. He needed ponies in his life. Especially... oh, yeah... John realized that he was drooling and wiped it up from his left cheek, where it had been sitting. He remembered that he was sitting in front of his laptop and saw what he had been searching for. DERPY CLOP, the search engine read. Aye, Ms. Derpy Hooves was the definite best character of the entire show. So beautiful, so charming. John's member grew just at the thought of the character. And "clop?" That was the name of the sexual activities that your perfect narrator already mentioned. The Anti-Brony tribe hated Bronies for this reason. It felt so wrong on so many levels. That was what they wrote on forums across the internet before searching for some Harry Potter R34. Anyways, John saw the perfect video: MANE SIX X DERPY CLOP. Once he clicked on it, he scrolled down to read the description. It listed about everything a member of the Brony tribe could want. John was very excited to watch the video by then. He pressed PLAY. It was so wonderful that John had come sooner than ever. He was in some kind of Brony Heaven, and he loved every moment of it. He wished that it wouldn't have had to end. But it had to happen some time. And now John felt empty inside once again. He silently crawled into his bed. He was jealous. Jealous of the ponies of Equestria, being able to live in such an amazing place. It wasn't possible, though, and John knew that. He looked out his window and saw that it was a full moon that night. He decided to make a wish. A real one, unlike the one to stretch that video from earlier. This was what he said: "Oh, Luna, I wish to you. I wish to live in Equestria. To live in a land of purity. A land of bliss. I wish I could live in that place so very much. Please grant that wish, Luna." And with that, John Doe fell asleep. From the outside, it would seem that lustful moans and horny cries of "Luna" would mean nothing but trouble. But from the inside, John was in the best mood he'd ever been in. Dreaming of getting laid by a member of the Mane Six was one thing, but by the Princess of the Night? Almost nothing, because Derpy was always the best to John, could compare to this experience. In all the clop videos and erotic fanfiction that John had watched and read, Luna was always a beautiful whore. And that was what John dreamt of her as. She was so amazing with the foreplay, that, in fact, John dreamt up an extended amount of the musk-filled actions. But the sex... oh, it was amazing. No words were strong enough to describe the sensation of fucking royalty. "Oh, Luna, you are so amazing!" John moaned with pleasure. He could barely talk while he was in ecstasy, but he somehow got out those words. He expected some kind of reward for pulling off that feat, but instead, to his disappointment, Luna stopped with the luxurious experience. "Is there something wrong?" he added with a whimper. Luna gave a slight cough, and in her sexy booming voice, she asked John, "Why would you like to go to Equestria?" This was not the reply that John had hoped for. He lifted his head up from Luna's pillow. "I already said. To live in a beautiful land," he explained again, this time in an annoyed tone. Luna stared at him. "That's not the answer from your heart, I can tell." She was still using the same voice as before, and it was definitely turning John on. He was hoping that they could get back to making love soon, or he'd have to do it for them. "Fine!" He knew it would come out sometime. Better to his own mind. He found that he was now sobbing. "I just want them! All the ponies! I wanna fuck 'em!" He quickly gasped and shut up. "Please don't hate me," he whispered. Luna brushed John's head of hair with her hoof. "I could never. Now, I will see you very soon, John." She planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, "Goodbye." She gave a slight smile and flew off, leaving John alone in his dream. Oh, wait, it was a dream?! John opened his eyes. It was strangely brighter than usual, so he gave his eyes some time to adapt. He stretched his legs with a groan and stood up from his bed. What a beautiful dream that he had been experiencing. He had wanted it to be real. Well, it was time to check the internet for something to suit his fantasy. He reached for his laptop but discovered that the laptop and his desk were both gone. The next thing that he did signified a change, and a big one at that. For John rubbed his eyes and screamed. The world around him was something straight out of Adobe Flash. He looked at his hands and discovered that he, too, was now animated. Amidst the cries of "Oh, God, oh, God," a white unicorn with a purple mane entered the room. When John noticed her, he went silent. It was Rarity, the Element of Generosity. "Are you okay?" she asked in a caring voice. John had to turn over in the bed to hide his newly-formed erection. Rarity was the second-most beautiful of the Elements of Harmony, so John reacted as many other Bronies would act in this situation. He began asking questions. He inquired, "Where am I? How did I get here?" He shuffled in his bed a bit in awkwardness. Rarity began stroking her neck. "Well, this is my bedroom. And, uh, you see... My friend Pinkie Pie found you unconscious in the Everfree Forest and asked for me to take care of you." Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. "Wait, it's not like-" Suddenly, John got up from the bed he was in and jumped onto Rarity. He held her down in a position that showed her marehood. With a murmur of "I'm going to enjoy this," John began licking the fashionista's clit as she moaned. It was definitely a ride. Speaking of rides, John thought to himself. He turned Rarity over and began riding her just like a normal pony. The only difference was that this was oh so sexy. John could make out some of the moans emitting from the vocal chords of Rarity. They went a bit like "Don't stop... yeah, right there... oh, wonderful, darling!" She repeated some of them in different orders, which set the stage for a new fantasy John could experience. He pulled his member out of his lover's marehood. She groaned in disappointment, similar to John's dream with Luna. "I'm sorry, honey," John excused himself, "but I've got other mares to pleasure." He gave a compassionate kiss on Rarity's lips. When he bounced his tongue on her skin, she allowed him entry. She tasted of peppermint. Delicious, John thought. Next stop, Twilight's library. John instantly thought of the episode where the castle was destroyed and Twilight got her tree back and chuckled. It was the whole Status Quo is God that you expected from animation those days. The tree looked even more beautiful than before it was destroyed, so John got the idea that everything in the tree would be more beautiful, too. He licked his lips. It was time to find the librarian. Thankfully, he didn't have to look very far. She was at the front desk reading the newest Daring Do book. She looked up at him with a smile on her face. She was the first to speak. "Ah, you must be that human that Pinkie has been talking about." "My name's John," John replied as he nodded. He realized that his erection had grown and hid it quickly. "You must be Twilight Sparkle. I've heard so much about you." Twilight chuckled. "Oh, John. You don't need to pretend. I know all about the show. While I'm not into the publicity, Rainbow Dash sure is. And when she's happy, Ponyville's happy. Or is it Pinkie Pie?" John put a finger to her lips. He shushed her and gave a goofy grin. "Are you ready?" he asked her. He got into position... "Ready for what?" She eyed him carefully, as if the answer was in John's eyes. "Ready for this!" ...and pounced! They began rolling on the carpet. Twilight gave another laugh as her horn began to glow. What is she doing? John wondered. ZIP! Suddenly, they were lying on top of Twilight's bed. The mare in question was giving a seductive look to John. He knew that he couldn't hold in this excitement much longer and stuck his member inside of Twilight. The moans from John's alicorn sex friend were even louder than Rarity's. Twilight's musk was stronger, too. "Oh, Celestia, I want this so badly," Twilight muttered to herself, not realizing that John could hear. "Me, too," John answered with delight. The fucking began. Where Rarity was chaotic but soft, Twilight was organized yet ferocious. She would stop at nothing to be rutted, it seemed. John gave long thrusts, but Twilight eventually suggested he'd be faster. It turned out that she was right. When he doubled his thrusting speed, Twilight moaned even louder. John couldn't believe no one had come to see what the commotion was yet. It turned out that "speaking of the Rainbow" would be a better term, however, as Rainbow Dash suddenly broke the door as she slammed threw it. She spoke through long panting sounds. "I... heard sexy... noises... It HAD to be you..." She pointed at John. "Help me have foals!" She broke into a greedy grin. Twilight began pulling John in and out herself. She shouted at Rainbow Dash, "He's my sex pal! Get your own! Anyways, he doesn't even like pegasi, I bet!" Rainbow Dash didn't wait for an answer from John, though. "Hey, Twi, I forgot... to mention. There's a... mailpony outside." John pulled away from Twilight's marehood and gasped. "M-mailpony?" he repeated. "I'll be right back!" He began running towards the front door. Rainbow Dash and Twilight both exclaimed at the same time, "Oh no, you don't!" John realized that it was a trick the second that he opened the door to the tree. He was a stubborn human, however, and so he decided to find Derpy himself. He was about five minutes from the tree when he saw Derpy's house. He noticed Pinkie Pie in the corner of his eye but just shrugged and continued towards his close goal. POW! "Oh no, you don't!" a high-pitched voice cried. It was Pinkie Pie. "Don't go violating Derpy like you did to Rarity and Twilight!" She swung her hoof into the air and was positioned to kill with a fatal blow. It was strange to John that Pinkie Pie was so strong. He began to cower in fright, ready to die, when he saw a chariot driven by six bat ponies. It was Luna! "Princess Luna!" Pinkie Pie greeted. "Are you here to help stop this criminal from creating an epidemic of lovestruck ponies?" Luna got a devious grin on her face and explained, "Actually, I had something else in mind." She turned to John. "Do you want sex?" John nodded. "Then you shall get sex." John grinned. "For the rest of your life." "NO!!!" John screamed in horror. "This is horrible! How can you survive sex for the rest of your life?!" He was dragged into the chariot by Luna and flown away. "Eh hem," a voice growled from behind Pinkie Pie. It was Twilight. "Where's my sexy Johnnie?" She licked her lips. Pinkie turned around and noticed that Twilight was levitating a crowbar with her horn. Next to Twilight was Rarity, who was wearing stockings and panties. She also was angry, and she also was levitating a crowbar with her horn. "Oh, Celestia," Pinkie muttered to herself right before she ran. It was one of those days. ~THE END~ Author's Note Oh, Celestia. Forgive me, as I have sinned. I'm joking of course. Please do not take this seriously. It's just a one-shot parody of Brony stereotypes that I came up with. These aren't my views on the fandom. Ending #1 - LunaAuthor's Note Hey, guys. If you thought this trollfic/comedy/clopfic was over, then you are wrong. Here are a collection of endings I had in mind. Enjoy~ Ending #1 - Luna Luna was not the type for drinking. Although, ever since an incident at the salt bar in Appleloosa, rumors were that she was an alcoholic. It got to the point that even Celestia herself believed the rumors. Then again, Celestia was a secret alcoholic, so she shouldn't have had a say in the matter. So thanks to that bit of information, it made sense that the guards weren't surprised when the Princess of the Night brought a tied-up creature in for, and I quote, "experimentation." They blamed it on the alcohol. Well, there was a different reason that actually was true. Anyone high enough in the Night Guard rankings would have known a secret about their dark princess thanks to a special initiation. The initiation consisted of being tied up, having sex with Luna, and you're in the higher ranks. In fact, it was strange that the idea that the Princess of the Night was more open about who could join the Night Guard never crossed anyponies' mind. It would have been the most normal of the theories, albeit still strange thanks to the content of the initiation. What really happened was none of the guards' business, but it was still fun to come up with theories to satisfy their questions. It was also fun for Luna to think about how it all happened in reality. It was crazier than any theory that the guards had come up with. Luna took a swig of Salted Applejack Daniel's. She needed the fuel for the rest of the day. Discord had escaped his stone tomb and was wreaking havoc on Equestria. And Twilight had lost her princess powers. And the Elements were broke again. In short, Luna and Celestia were the last hope for Equestria. Oh, Gods, why did this happen so much? Luna was sick and tired of this routine. She needed a break. Yes, there was that part. The part that Luna wished could be forgotten. She skipped over that section of her memory and continued with the history behind dragging that body. Aye, it was a genius plan. Conjure up a human. They'd have the answers that Luna needed. She made sure to stay in a secluded section of the Everfree Forest so no one would see the spell being used. However, there was a problem when Luna conjured up a human. He was unconscious. Luna knew that she had to run. She took a path through some trees and found herself in a valley. Yes, that was good enough. Time to get back to the castle. Luna thought about something that happened when the human appeared. She could have sworn she'd heard hoofsteps. Ah, well. It probably wasn't important. She turned around to look at her latest experiment. Her pet project. She grinned. Her pet. Yes, that was the right name. This was what was really important. Luna licked her lips. She was going to have fun. Ending #2 - TwilightGet a hold of yourself, Twilight thought to herself. He's not that good looking. He's not even a stallion! No, he's not. He's better than a stallion! He's amazing! Get those thoughts out of your head, Twilight! Just focus on... science. Yeah, science! How about biology? That's science. Focus on the biology of that man. Okay, I guess. NO, WAIT- Twilight was known to devote herself to a certain subject, an obsession, if you will. She would stop at nothing to find out everything about something. This lead to many problems. One of these was the man John. John wasn't a stallion. Twilight knew that. But for some strange reason, there was a voice in the back of her head telling her to get mounted by the man. It was a dirty thought, so she did what any sane mare would do in her situation. She tried to get it out of her head. Alas, she couldn't, and now she could only focus on John's face. And those abs... the waist... oh, that's the best part... Twilight snapped out of her trance and tried to write some more of her novel. But before she had known it, she had replaced the main characters with John and her. She had thought of some dirtier scenes of the book that could have applied to her relationship with John. And then there was that. How did she know what John's name was? She had never asked. No one had. They just assumed. She'd have to look into it. Twilight chuckled. She'd done it. She had focused on something else than... oh, yes... ooh... it felt so right... "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" she screamed into oblivion. Thankfully, she was alone in her soundproof chamber, so no one had heard her say that nonsense. She decided to draw something. Maybe that could have taken her mind off of John. She found herself drawing for about a half hour. When she was out of the art trance, she saw that the drawing was a perfect sketch of John. She needed John... so much... she needed him to take her... mmm... yeah! She sat behind her desk inside of the library and waited for John. It was going to take a while, she knew, so she took out a pad and paper along with a book. She concealed the pad in the book. That way, anyone who decided to check on her thought that she was reading. But she was drawing such beautiful things... Luna's Sanctum. The entrance was right in front of Twilight. The purple Alicorn was ready to retrieve her lover, She kicked down the door. Inside, Luna was performing foreplay with John chained up to a wall. It was horrible. Twilight gathered up energy and sent a burst of magical light towards Luna. It seemed to have wounded her. Twilight grinned at the sight of the injured princess. Perfect. She turned to John and blasted more light to the various rope lengths and chains. He was free. John walked up to Twilight and shook her hoof. "Thank you so much, Twi. This means a lot to me," he thanked. Twilight's grin became wider. "It's my pleasure..." Her voice became seductive. "Are you ready?" He shook his head. "No. No more. No more sex! I can't take it!" He tried to run, but Twilight teleported the both of them into her bedroom before he could do something. John was lying down on his back, pinned down by Twilight. This was bad. Author's Note How do these tie together? Well, you'll figure it out. Ending #4 - Apple Bloom"Hey, Big Mac!" Apple Bloom called to her tall brother. She had a grin on her face so big that Big Mac noticed it from a hundred yards away. Big Mac tilted his head towards Apple Bloom. "So there's this creature named John," she added, "and according to Babs, Twilight and Rarity are both in love with him! Something about getting in his pants..." Big Mac chuckled. Babs, being an older filly, knew the birds and the bees well. Apple Bloom, on the other hand, did not. It was silly to hear his sister discuss sex in such a way. He remembered a time when he liked the subject much. Oh, wait! He still did! He used his teeth to grab his Smarty Pants toy with the hole punctured inside and headed for the bathroom. Apple Bloom, meanwhile, was trying to find somepony who would explain that thing about pants. She took a stroll to Sugarcube Corner and saw Pinkie Pie. She waved. "HELLO, APPLE BLOOM!" Pinkie Pie screamed. "SORRY, I WAS IN AN AIRPLANE TRYING TO ESCAPE TWILIGHT AND RARITY, AND I CAN'T HEAR VERY WELL!" Soon enough, everypony was staring at Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom. "WHAT DO YOU" Pop! "WANT! Hey, wait! My ears popped! Yay! SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Apple Bloom facehoofed. "Um, Pinkie Pie, you don't have to scream." "I KNOW! I JUST LIKE TO DO THIS!" She grinned wider than Apple Bloom from earlier. Apple Bloom stroked her neck. "Uh, so ah was wonderin', and well... What does it mean if you want to 'get inside somepony's pants?'" It was a question that she had been pondering for quite some- Oh, wait, I already told you this. Continue. Pinkie Pie sat down with a sigh, and Apple Bloom followed her lead. "Well, lemme tell you about the birds and the bees..." Ending #5 - BraeburnBraeburn chugged down the last bit of cider. He felt tired and began to walk to the door when suddenly, a blue Alicorn came inside. It was Princess Luna. What was she doing in a salt bar? It turned out that she was there to drink. A lot. She threw a wad of cash at the bartender and was given a Salted Applejack Daniel's. And when she had finished the drink, she went to get another one. And another one. It was a terrible cycle, it seemed. She would grab the drink, sit down, chug it, and become sad once again, restarting the cycle. Eventually, Luna got up from her stool. And she walked up to Braeburn. She was awfully drunk by then, which unfortunately gave her much confidence. Too much confidence. She found twenty bits on the ground and, giving it to the rancher, asked, "Wanna fuck?" "Uh, could you repeat that, Ma'am?" Braeburn shot back. He wasn't sure that he had heard her right. "Y'know, wanna do it?" Luna explained. "I'm horny, you?" She had a sultry voice. Braeburn felt his member grow a bit and nodded. He wasn't one to say "no" to a princess, anyway. As Luna left through the door, he followed. He wasn't that tired. Luna was nothing short of amazing. She was amazing at foreplay. She was amazing at getting a stallion horny. But she was especially good at sex. The sex was perfect. Nothing felt better in Braeburn's life. But... there was one part of fucking Luna that wasn't that good. Luna was very kinky. She expected all kinds of satisfaction from Braeburn, which was hard to deliver. Suddenly, she pulled Braeburn's member out of her. She wasn't satisfied, and so she told her sexy rancher, "You are not good enough." This was outrageous to Braeburn, who retorted, "Every pony I've fucked has told me I am the best. If you expect to find somepony better than me, look for a different species!" He gritted his teeth. "WELL, THEN MAYBE I WILL!" Luna screamed. She opened the door, walked through, and slammed it close. This was the first time someone left unsatisfied from Braeburn's bedroom, that was for sure. Finale - Ending #7 - John DoeJohn woke up about an hour later. He must have been unable to adapt to sex with Twilight soon enough. Wait... Twilight? He tried to move but found that he was chained to his lover's bed. He began to scream. Quickly, his mouth was covered by Twilight's hoof. The rest of her was thrusting John's member in and out. She slowed down the thrusts to savor those moments, which, in turn, turned his muffled screams into moans. Twilight removed her hoof in response. "I see you like it," she quipped in the same sultry voice as usual. Once John nodded with a grin, she untied and unchained him. "Well, the fun has just begun." She removed his dick from her clit and brought her face down there. When John whimpered, she licked the head of his member a few times. As John's moans started, she noted that they were louder and felt herself getting wet. "Please... keep going... yeah..." John begged between his moans. "That feels amazing..." Twilight had turned her licks into a blowjob. "Oh, God, don't stop..." he added. It didn't matter that it had started as crazed rape. Now he wanted it. Badly. But the sex had to end, as Pinkie Pie ran in. She explained in a rage, "You see, I told Apple Bloom about what's been going on here, and she suggested Zecora!" ("You told a little filly about sex?!" Twilight shouted.) "Zecora put a hex on John here, and he should disappear in three..." ("Fuck, no! No! No! NO!" John retorted.) "Two..." She looked at the clock. "One..." (John and Twilight began fucking rapidly to savor this last moment for a long time.) "Now!" However, when nothing happened, she screamed, "Now!" Two stallions from the Ponyville Police Force ran into Pinkie Pie, giving her a bump on the head. The stallion with a green mane told John and Twilight, "We're sorry about this. She's been... You've been having sex?!" He shook his head quickly to get the thoughts out. "Anyways, she's been insane, telling innocent little fillies about some sex situation, so we've come to arrest her." He tied up Pinkie into a straightjacket. "No, stop!" Pinkie exclaimed at them. "I'm not lying! STAY OUT OF MY SHED!" Her eyes widened. "Oh, wait, that's Fluttershy!" She gave an insane giggle as the two stallions dragged her out of the bedroom. "Well, that was strange," John pointed out. He turned to Twilight. Twilight had bedroom eyes and said in a sexy voice, "Now where were we? Oh, yes..." And with that, John and Twilight went back to fucking in John's dream. Oh, wait, it was a dream?! John woke up in his dorm bed. His very wet dorm bed. He had come more times than he could count, it seemed. He remembered his dream and chuckled. It was amazing. He turned his laptop on with a grin. He went to Fanfiction.net and logged in. He had one hell of a story to write! Author's Note Okay, NOW cue the troll song. To my readers, sorry about this ending. It's better than the original ending I had in mind. Oh, and it's a TROLLFIC. Anyway, I hope you had a good time reading this. ~Angrycartoonguy~ Ending #3 - Applejack"Applebloom, what are you goin' on about?" Applejack asked when her little sister was explaining the gossip of Ponyville. Applejack wasn't into this kind of thing, but sometimes she'd listen to it if she was bored. This was not a good time, however, and so she was talking to her sister Apple Bloom in such a gloomy manner. Apple Bloom sighed and told Applejack, "Let me start over again. Ya see, there's this creature in town named John, and Twilight and Rarity love him." It was a simple explanation, one that led Apple Bloom to realize that her sister wasn't listening. That was how life went on the farm - mostly only caring about the apples. But, of course, Apple Bloom wasn't like the rest of her family. She knew that there was more to life than apples (a discussion that ended with Applejack teaching her sister the word 'bullshit'), and so she decided to find what her talent really was. She had helped form the Cutie Mark Crusaders, made up of Bloom's cousin Babs Seed, Apple Bloom herself, Rarity's sister Sweetie Belle, and little orphan Scootie, whose nicknames were Scootaloo and Chicken. Their goal was to find that special talent as quick as possible (a discussion that ended with Applejack also teaching the word 'asspull'). Anyways, Apple Bloom left the room Applejack was in. Applejack smiled at this. She could finally finish the last movie of the Pony with No Name trilogy, the Good, the Bad, and the Violent. She later went on IMDB and gave it a 5 out of 10, which, in turn, caused a flame war against Applejack. Author's Note Cue the troll song! Anyhoo, this was a fun chapter to make. Ending #6 - Rainbow DashWhere is John? He has to be near. He needs to be near! Near enough to be fucked... Rainbow Dash tried to clear her head, but she failed quickly and succumbed to the dirty thoughts that came from her hormones. So amazing. Oh, yeah! He'd put it in me and... Yeah... She was running around town hoping to find John, but he was nowhere to be seen. It suddenly clicked in her mind what had happened. Somepony was fucking him already. She was drunk, sure, but she had logic. She ran to the biggest whore in Ponyville's house: Twilight's tree. But what would Dash say to get rid of Twilight? Oh! She knew what to say! She'd say there was a mailpony. Yeah, that would work. And fucking him will be a great reward. I just can't wait... mmhmm... She opened the wooden door to the library and began running up the stairs. In her drunken state, she had forgotten about her wings. But anyways, she tried to push Twilight's bedroom door open with her hooves, but it was locked. Dash strutted backwards a bit and... BOOM! ...knocked down the door! In the bed were Twilight and John, midfuck. Well, Dash thought to herself, time to change your lover, John. Author's Note Sorry for the short ending. The REAL ending is almost ready.
a.k.a The Death of the WriterMr. Brony Goes to Equestria a.k.a The Death of the Writer by AngryCartoonGuy "Let me just pull these off, and... Ah... that's better." John Doe took off his enormous boxers and began to relax. He was ready for something beautiful. Something dirty. Something pony. You see, John Doe was a part of the Big Race Omens Never Yield tribe, or the Bronies for short. They indulged in sexy activities based off of their favorite thing ever, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. But the show had ended a month before, and now John felt empty inside. He needed ponies in his life. Especially... oh, yeah... John realized that he was drooling and wiped it up from his left cheek, where it had been sitting. He remembered that he was sitting in front of his laptop and saw what he had been searching for. DERPY CLOP, the search engine read. Aye, Ms. Derpy Hooves was the definite best character of the entire show. So beautiful, so charming. John's member grew just at the thought of the character. And "clop?" That was the name of the sexual activities that your perfect narrator already mentioned. The Anti-Brony tribe hated Bronies for this reason. It felt so wrong on so many levels. That was what they wrote on forums across the internet before searching for some Harry Potter R34. Anyways, John saw the perfect video: MANE SIX X DERPY CLOP. Once he clicked on it, he scrolled down to read the description. It listed about everything a member of the Brony tribe could want. John was very excited to watch the video by then. He pressed PLAY. It was so wonderful that John had come sooner than ever. He was in some kind of Brony Heaven, and he loved every moment of it. He wished that it wouldn't have had to end. But it had to happen some time. And now John felt empty inside once again. He silently crawled into his bed. He was jealous. Jealous of the ponies of Equestria, being able to live in such an amazing place. It wasn't possible, though, and John knew that. He looked out his window and saw that it was a full moon that night. He decided to make a wish. A real one, unlike the one to stretch that video from earlier. This was what he said: "Oh, Luna, I wish to you. I wish to live in Equestria. To live in a land of purity. A land of bliss. I wish I could live in that place so very much. Please grant that wish, Luna." And with that, John Doe fell asleep. From the outside, it would seem that lustful moans and horny cries of "Luna" would mean nothing but trouble. But from the inside, John was in the best mood he'd ever been in. Dreaming of getting laid by a member of the Mane Six was one thing, but by the Princess of the Night? Almost nothing, because Derpy was always the best to John, could compare to this experience. In all the clop videos and erotic fanfiction that John had watched and read, Luna was always a beautiful whore. And that was what John dreamt of her as. She was so amazing with the foreplay, that, in fact, John dreamt up an extended amount of the musk-filled actions. But the sex... oh, it was amazing. No words were strong enough to describe the sensation of fucking royalty. "Oh, Luna, you are so amazing!" John moaned with pleasure. He could barely talk while he was in ecstasy, but he somehow got out those words. He expected some kind of reward for pulling off that feat, but instead, to his disappointment, Luna stopped with the luxurious experience. "Is there something wrong?" he added with a whimper. Luna gave a slight cough, and in her sexy booming voice, she asked John, "Why would you like to go to Equestria?" This was not the reply that John had hoped for. He lifted his head up from Luna's pillow. "I already said. To live in a beautiful land," he explained again, this time in an annoyed tone. Luna stared at him. "That's not the answer from your heart, I can tell." She was still using the same voice as before, and it was definitely turning John on. He was hoping that they could get back to making love soon, or he'd have to do it for them. "Fine!" He knew it would come out sometime. Better to his own mind. He found that he was now sobbing. "I just want them! All the ponies! I wanna fuck 'em!" He quickly gasped and shut up. "Please don't hate me," he whispered. Luna brushed John's head of hair with her hoof. "I could never. Now, I will see you very soon, John." She planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, "Goodbye." She gave a slight smile and flew off, leaving John alone in his dream. Oh, wait, it was a dream?! John opened his eyes. It was strangely brighter than usual, so he gave his eyes some time to adapt. He stretched his legs with a groan and stood up from his bed. What a beautiful dream that he had been experiencing. He had wanted it to be real. Well, it was time to check the internet for something to suit his fantasy. He reached for his laptop but discovered that the laptop and his desk were both gone. The next thing that he did signified a change, and a big one at that. For John rubbed his eyes and screamed. The world around him was something straight out of Adobe Flash. He looked at his hands and discovered that he, too, was now animated. Amidst the cries of "Oh, God, oh, God," a white unicorn with a purple mane entered the room. When John noticed her, he went silent. It was Rarity, the Element of Generosity. "Are you okay?" she asked in a caring voice. John had to turn over in the bed to hide his newly-formed erection. Rarity was the second-most beautiful of the Elements of Harmony, so John reacted as many other Bronies would act in this situation. He began asking questions. He inquired, "Where am I? How did I get here?" He shuffled in his bed a bit in awkwardness. Rarity began stroking her neck. "Well, this is my bedroom. And, uh, you see... My friend Pinkie Pie found you unconscious in the Everfree Forest and asked for me to take care of you." Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. "Wait, it's not like-" Suddenly, John got up from the bed he was in and jumped onto Rarity. He held her down in a position that showed her marehood. With a murmur of "I'm going to enjoy this," John began licking the fashionista's clit as she moaned. It was definitely a ride. Speaking of rides, John thought to himself. He turned Rarity over and began riding her just like a normal pony. The only difference was that this was oh so sexy. John could make out some of the moans emitting from the vocal chords of Rarity. They went a bit like "Don't stop... yeah, right there... oh, wonderful, darling!" She repeated some of them in different orders, which set the stage for a new fantasy John could experience. He pulled his member out of his lover's marehood. She groaned in disappointment, similar to John's dream with Luna. "I'm sorry, honey," John excused himself, "but I've got other mares to pleasure." He gave a compassionate kiss on Rarity's lips. When he bounced his tongue on her skin, she allowed him entry. She tasted of peppermint. Delicious, John thought. Next stop, Twilight's library. John instantly thought of the episode where the castle was destroyed and Twilight got her tree back and chuckled. It was the whole Status Quo is God that you expected from animation those days. The tree looked even more beautiful than before it was destroyed, so John got the idea that everything in the tree would be more beautiful, too. He licked his lips. It was time to find the librarian. Thankfully, he didn't have to look very far. She was at the front desk reading the newest Daring Do book. She looked up at him with a smile on her face. She was the first to speak. "Ah, you must be that human that Pinkie has been talking about." "My name's John," John replied as he nodded. He realized that his erection had grown and hid it quickly. "You must be Twilight Sparkle. I've heard so much about you." Twilight chuckled. "Oh, John. You don't need to pretend. I know all about the show. While I'm not into the publicity, Rainbow Dash sure is. And when she's happy, Ponyville's happy. Or is it Pinkie Pie?" John put a finger to her lips. He shushed her and gave a goofy grin. "Are you ready?" he asked her. He got into position... "Ready for what?" She eyed him carefully, as if the answer was in John's eyes. "Ready for this!" ...and pounced! They began rolling on the carpet. Twilight gave another laugh as her horn began to glow. What is she doing? John wondered. ZIP! Suddenly, they were lying on top of Twilight's bed. The mare in question was giving a seductive look to John. He knew that he couldn't hold in this excitement much longer and stuck his member inside of Twilight. The moans from John's alicorn sex friend were even louder than Rarity's. Twilight's musk was stronger, too. "Oh, Celestia, I want this so badly," Twilight muttered to herself, not realizing that John could hear. "Me, too," John answered with delight. The fucking began. Where Rarity was chaotic but soft, Twilight was organized yet ferocious. She would stop at nothing to be rutted, it seemed. John gave long thrusts, but Twilight eventually suggested he'd be faster. It turned out that she was right. When he doubled his thrusting speed, Twilight moaned even louder. John couldn't believe no one had come to see what the commotion was yet. It turned out that "speaking of the Rainbow" would be a better term, however, as Rainbow Dash suddenly broke the door as she slammed threw it. She spoke through long panting sounds. "I... heard sexy... noises... It HAD to be you..." She pointed at John. "Help me have foals!" She broke into a greedy grin. Twilight began pulling John in and out herself. She shouted at Rainbow Dash, "He's my sex pal! Get your own! Anyways, he doesn't even like pegasi, I bet!" Rainbow Dash didn't wait for an answer from John, though. "Hey, Twi, I forgot... to mention. There's a... mailpony outside." John pulled away from Twilight's marehood and gasped. "M-mailpony?" he repeated. "I'll be right back!" He began running towards the front door. Rainbow Dash and Twilight both exclaimed at the same time, "Oh no, you don't!" John realized that it was a trick the second that he opened the door to the tree. He was a stubborn human, however, and so he decided to find Derpy himself. He was about five minutes from the tree when he saw Derpy's house. He noticed Pinkie Pie in the corner of his eye but just shrugged and continued towards his close goal. POW! "Oh no, you don't!" a high-pitched voice cried. It was Pinkie Pie. "Don't go violating Derpy like you did to Rarity and Twilight!" She swung her hoof into the air and was positioned to kill with a fatal blow. It was strange to John that Pinkie Pie was so strong. He began to cower in fright, ready to die, when he saw a chariot driven by six bat ponies. It was Luna! "Princess Luna!" Pinkie Pie greeted. "Are you here to help stop this criminal from creating an epidemic of lovestruck ponies?" Luna got a devious grin on her face and explained, "Actually, I had something else in mind." She turned to John. "Do you want sex?" John nodded. "Then you shall get sex." John grinned. "For the rest of your life." "NO!!!" John screamed in horror. "This is horrible! How can you survive sex for the rest of your life?!" He was dragged into the chariot by Luna and flown away. "Eh hem," a voice growled from behind Pinkie Pie. It was Twilight. "Where's my sexy Johnnie?" She licked her lips. Pinkie turned around and noticed that Twilight was levitating a crowbar with her horn. Next to Twilight was Rarity, who was wearing stockings and panties. She also was angry, and she also was levitating a crowbar with her horn. "Oh, Celestia," Pinkie muttered to herself right before she ran. It was one of those days. ~THE END~ Author's Note Oh, Celestia. Forgive me, as I have sinned. I'm joking of course. Please do not take this seriously. It's just a one-shot parody of Brony stereotypes that I came up with. These aren't my views on the fandom.
Ending #1 - LunaAuthor's Note Hey, guys. If you thought this trollfic/comedy/clopfic was over, then you are wrong. Here are a collection of endings I had in mind. Enjoy~ Ending #1 - Luna Luna was not the type for drinking. Although, ever since an incident at the salt bar in Appleloosa, rumors were that she was an alcoholic. It got to the point that even Celestia herself believed the rumors. Then again, Celestia was a secret alcoholic, so she shouldn't have had a say in the matter. So thanks to that bit of information, it made sense that the guards weren't surprised when the Princess of the Night brought a tied-up creature in for, and I quote, "experimentation." They blamed it on the alcohol. Well, there was a different reason that actually was true. Anyone high enough in the Night Guard rankings would have known a secret about their dark princess thanks to a special initiation. The initiation consisted of being tied up, having sex with Luna, and you're in the higher ranks. In fact, it was strange that the idea that the Princess of the Night was more open about who could join the Night Guard never crossed anyponies' mind. It would have been the most normal of the theories, albeit still strange thanks to the content of the initiation. What really happened was none of the guards' business, but it was still fun to come up with theories to satisfy their questions. It was also fun for Luna to think about how it all happened in reality. It was crazier than any theory that the guards had come up with. Luna took a swig of Salted Applejack Daniel's. She needed the fuel for the rest of the day. Discord had escaped his stone tomb and was wreaking havoc on Equestria. And Twilight had lost her princess powers. And the Elements were broke again. In short, Luna and Celestia were the last hope for Equestria. Oh, Gods, why did this happen so much? Luna was sick and tired of this routine. She needed a break. Yes, there was that part. The part that Luna wished could be forgotten. She skipped over that section of her memory and continued with the history behind dragging that body. Aye, it was a genius plan. Conjure up a human. They'd have the answers that Luna needed. She made sure to stay in a secluded section of the Everfree Forest so no one would see the spell being used. However, there was a problem when Luna conjured up a human. He was unconscious. Luna knew that she had to run. She took a path through some trees and found herself in a valley. Yes, that was good enough. Time to get back to the castle. Luna thought about something that happened when the human appeared. She could have sworn she'd heard hoofsteps. Ah, well. It probably wasn't important. She turned around to look at her latest experiment. Her pet project. She grinned. Her pet. Yes, that was the right name. This was what was really important. Luna licked her lips. She was going to have fun.
Ending #2 - TwilightGet a hold of yourself, Twilight thought to herself. He's not that good looking. He's not even a stallion! No, he's not. He's better than a stallion! He's amazing! Get those thoughts out of your head, Twilight! Just focus on... science. Yeah, science! How about biology? That's science. Focus on the biology of that man. Okay, I guess. NO, WAIT- Twilight was known to devote herself to a certain subject, an obsession, if you will. She would stop at nothing to find out everything about something. This lead to many problems. One of these was the man John. John wasn't a stallion. Twilight knew that. But for some strange reason, there was a voice in the back of her head telling her to get mounted by the man. It was a dirty thought, so she did what any sane mare would do in her situation. She tried to get it out of her head. Alas, she couldn't, and now she could only focus on John's face. And those abs... the waist... oh, that's the best part... Twilight snapped out of her trance and tried to write some more of her novel. But before she had known it, she had replaced the main characters with John and her. She had thought of some dirtier scenes of the book that could have applied to her relationship with John. And then there was that. How did she know what John's name was? She had never asked. No one had. They just assumed. She'd have to look into it. Twilight chuckled. She'd done it. She had focused on something else than... oh, yes... ooh... it felt so right... "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" she screamed into oblivion. Thankfully, she was alone in her soundproof chamber, so no one had heard her say that nonsense. She decided to draw something. Maybe that could have taken her mind off of John. She found herself drawing for about a half hour. When she was out of the art trance, she saw that the drawing was a perfect sketch of John. She needed John... so much... she needed him to take her... mmm... yeah! She sat behind her desk inside of the library and waited for John. It was going to take a while, she knew, so she took out a pad and paper along with a book. She concealed the pad in the book. That way, anyone who decided to check on her thought that she was reading. But she was drawing such beautiful things... Luna's Sanctum. The entrance was right in front of Twilight. The purple Alicorn was ready to retrieve her lover, She kicked down the door. Inside, Luna was performing foreplay with John chained up to a wall. It was horrible. Twilight gathered up energy and sent a burst of magical light towards Luna. It seemed to have wounded her. Twilight grinned at the sight of the injured princess. Perfect. She turned to John and blasted more light to the various rope lengths and chains. He was free. John walked up to Twilight and shook her hoof. "Thank you so much, Twi. This means a lot to me," he thanked. Twilight's grin became wider. "It's my pleasure..." Her voice became seductive. "Are you ready?" He shook his head. "No. No more. No more sex! I can't take it!" He tried to run, but Twilight teleported the both of them into her bedroom before he could do something. John was lying down on his back, pinned down by Twilight. This was bad. Author's Note How do these tie together? Well, you'll figure it out.
Ending #4 - Apple Bloom"Hey, Big Mac!" Apple Bloom called to her tall brother. She had a grin on her face so big that Big Mac noticed it from a hundred yards away. Big Mac tilted his head towards Apple Bloom. "So there's this creature named John," she added, "and according to Babs, Twilight and Rarity are both in love with him! Something about getting in his pants..." Big Mac chuckled. Babs, being an older filly, knew the birds and the bees well. Apple Bloom, on the other hand, did not. It was silly to hear his sister discuss sex in such a way. He remembered a time when he liked the subject much. Oh, wait! He still did! He used his teeth to grab his Smarty Pants toy with the hole punctured inside and headed for the bathroom. Apple Bloom, meanwhile, was trying to find somepony who would explain that thing about pants. She took a stroll to Sugarcube Corner and saw Pinkie Pie. She waved. "HELLO, APPLE BLOOM!" Pinkie Pie screamed. "SORRY, I WAS IN AN AIRPLANE TRYING TO ESCAPE TWILIGHT AND RARITY, AND I CAN'T HEAR VERY WELL!" Soon enough, everypony was staring at Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom. "WHAT DO YOU" Pop! "WANT! Hey, wait! My ears popped! Yay! SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Apple Bloom facehoofed. "Um, Pinkie Pie, you don't have to scream." "I KNOW! I JUST LIKE TO DO THIS!" She grinned wider than Apple Bloom from earlier. Apple Bloom stroked her neck. "Uh, so ah was wonderin', and well... What does it mean if you want to 'get inside somepony's pants?'" It was a question that she had been pondering for quite some- Oh, wait, I already told you this. Continue. Pinkie Pie sat down with a sigh, and Apple Bloom followed her lead. "Well, lemme tell you about the birds and the bees..."
Ending #5 - BraeburnBraeburn chugged down the last bit of cider. He felt tired and began to walk to the door when suddenly, a blue Alicorn came inside. It was Princess Luna. What was she doing in a salt bar? It turned out that she was there to drink. A lot. She threw a wad of cash at the bartender and was given a Salted Applejack Daniel's. And when she had finished the drink, she went to get another one. And another one. It was a terrible cycle, it seemed. She would grab the drink, sit down, chug it, and become sad once again, restarting the cycle. Eventually, Luna got up from her stool. And she walked up to Braeburn. She was awfully drunk by then, which unfortunately gave her much confidence. Too much confidence. She found twenty bits on the ground and, giving it to the rancher, asked, "Wanna fuck?" "Uh, could you repeat that, Ma'am?" Braeburn shot back. He wasn't sure that he had heard her right. "Y'know, wanna do it?" Luna explained. "I'm horny, you?" She had a sultry voice. Braeburn felt his member grow a bit and nodded. He wasn't one to say "no" to a princess, anyway. As Luna left through the door, he followed. He wasn't that tired. Luna was nothing short of amazing. She was amazing at foreplay. She was amazing at getting a stallion horny. But she was especially good at sex. The sex was perfect. Nothing felt better in Braeburn's life. But... there was one part of fucking Luna that wasn't that good. Luna was very kinky. She expected all kinds of satisfaction from Braeburn, which was hard to deliver. Suddenly, she pulled Braeburn's member out of her. She wasn't satisfied, and so she told her sexy rancher, "You are not good enough." This was outrageous to Braeburn, who retorted, "Every pony I've fucked has told me I am the best. If you expect to find somepony better than me, look for a different species!" He gritted his teeth. "WELL, THEN MAYBE I WILL!" Luna screamed. She opened the door, walked through, and slammed it close. This was the first time someone left unsatisfied from Braeburn's bedroom, that was for sure.
Finale - Ending #7 - John DoeJohn woke up about an hour later. He must have been unable to adapt to sex with Twilight soon enough. Wait... Twilight? He tried to move but found that he was chained to his lover's bed. He began to scream. Quickly, his mouth was covered by Twilight's hoof. The rest of her was thrusting John's member in and out. She slowed down the thrusts to savor those moments, which, in turn, turned his muffled screams into moans. Twilight removed her hoof in response. "I see you like it," she quipped in the same sultry voice as usual. Once John nodded with a grin, she untied and unchained him. "Well, the fun has just begun." She removed his dick from her clit and brought her face down there. When John whimpered, she licked the head of his member a few times. As John's moans started, she noted that they were louder and felt herself getting wet. "Please... keep going... yeah..." John begged between his moans. "That feels amazing..." Twilight had turned her licks into a blowjob. "Oh, God, don't stop..." he added. It didn't matter that it had started as crazed rape. Now he wanted it. Badly. But the sex had to end, as Pinkie Pie ran in. She explained in a rage, "You see, I told Apple Bloom about what's been going on here, and she suggested Zecora!" ("You told a little filly about sex?!" Twilight shouted.) "Zecora put a hex on John here, and he should disappear in three..." ("Fuck, no! No! No! NO!" John retorted.) "Two..." She looked at the clock. "One..." (John and Twilight began fucking rapidly to savor this last moment for a long time.) "Now!" However, when nothing happened, she screamed, "Now!" Two stallions from the Ponyville Police Force ran into Pinkie Pie, giving her a bump on the head. The stallion with a green mane told John and Twilight, "We're sorry about this. She's been... You've been having sex?!" He shook his head quickly to get the thoughts out. "Anyways, she's been insane, telling innocent little fillies about some sex situation, so we've come to arrest her." He tied up Pinkie into a straightjacket. "No, stop!" Pinkie exclaimed at them. "I'm not lying! STAY OUT OF MY SHED!" Her eyes widened. "Oh, wait, that's Fluttershy!" She gave an insane giggle as the two stallions dragged her out of the bedroom. "Well, that was strange," John pointed out. He turned to Twilight. Twilight had bedroom eyes and said in a sexy voice, "Now where were we? Oh, yes..." And with that, John and Twilight went back to fucking in John's dream. Oh, wait, it was a dream?! John woke up in his dorm bed. His very wet dorm bed. He had come more times than he could count, it seemed. He remembered his dream and chuckled. It was amazing. He turned his laptop on with a grin. He went to Fanfiction.net and logged in. He had one hell of a story to write! Author's Note Okay, NOW cue the troll song. To my readers, sorry about this ending. It's better than the original ending I had in mind. Oh, and it's a TROLLFIC. Anyway, I hope you had a good time reading this. ~Angrycartoonguy~
Ending #3 - Applejack"Applebloom, what are you goin' on about?" Applejack asked when her little sister was explaining the gossip of Ponyville. Applejack wasn't into this kind of thing, but sometimes she'd listen to it if she was bored. This was not a good time, however, and so she was talking to her sister Apple Bloom in such a gloomy manner. Apple Bloom sighed and told Applejack, "Let me start over again. Ya see, there's this creature in town named John, and Twilight and Rarity love him." It was a simple explanation, one that led Apple Bloom to realize that her sister wasn't listening. That was how life went on the farm - mostly only caring about the apples. But, of course, Apple Bloom wasn't like the rest of her family. She knew that there was more to life than apples (a discussion that ended with Applejack teaching her sister the word 'bullshit'), and so she decided to find what her talent really was. She had helped form the Cutie Mark Crusaders, made up of Bloom's cousin Babs Seed, Apple Bloom herself, Rarity's sister Sweetie Belle, and little orphan Scootie, whose nicknames were Scootaloo and Chicken. Their goal was to find that special talent as quick as possible (a discussion that ended with Applejack also teaching the word 'asspull'). Anyways, Apple Bloom left the room Applejack was in. Applejack smiled at this. She could finally finish the last movie of the Pony with No Name trilogy, the Good, the Bad, and the Violent. She later went on IMDB and gave it a 5 out of 10, which, in turn, caused a flame war against Applejack. Author's Note Cue the troll song! Anyhoo, this was a fun chapter to make.
Ending #6 - Rainbow DashWhere is John? He has to be near. He needs to be near! Near enough to be fucked... Rainbow Dash tried to clear her head, but she failed quickly and succumbed to the dirty thoughts that came from her hormones. So amazing. Oh, yeah! He'd put it in me and... Yeah... She was running around town hoping to find John, but he was nowhere to be seen. It suddenly clicked in her mind what had happened. Somepony was fucking him already. She was drunk, sure, but she had logic. She ran to the biggest whore in Ponyville's house: Twilight's tree. But what would Dash say to get rid of Twilight? Oh! She knew what to say! She'd say there was a mailpony. Yeah, that would work. And fucking him will be a great reward. I just can't wait... mmhmm... She opened the wooden door to the library and began running up the stairs. In her drunken state, she had forgotten about her wings. But anyways, she tried to push Twilight's bedroom door open with her hooves, but it was locked. Dash strutted backwards a bit and... BOOM! ...knocked down the door! In the bed were Twilight and John, midfuck. Well, Dash thought to herself, time to change your lover, John. Author's Note Sorry for the short ending. The REAL ending is almost ready.
