Green and Purple

by The Abyss

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Narcotics
Length: 1904

After finding a package filled with a strange plant on her porch, Twilight finds a note inside saying to smoke it. She has no idea what's going to happen, but like any good researcher, she must explore all avenues of approach.

After discovering a package filled with a strange-smelling plant on her porch, Twilight finds a note inside saying to smoke it with the glass device included. She has no idea what's going to happen, but like a good faithful student, she sends her findings to Princess Celestia.

Published 2014-09-01 07:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-01 07:10:03 UTC

Yeah, You Know What It Is!

“Huh? What do we have here?” Twilight asked herself as she looked at a nicely-sized package sitting just outside her door. Picking it up with her magic, she read the label aloud, “To Princess Twilight Sparkle… Package contents fragile; handle with care…” She twisted the box around, trying to find some clue as to what it held. It was pretty light for a package of its size, but that didn’t deter her from shaking it. That's weird... there's no return address...

Upon hearing nothing that helped her determine what was inside, Twilight shrugged and turned around, bringing the package back inside with her. “Spike! We got a package! C’mere, let’s see what’s inside!” she called out as she brought the box over to her desk. She grabbed her letter opener and used it to cut the tapes on the box, then she turned it over and dumped its contents onto the desk. One big bag with a note attached to it contained some greenish-colored herbal substance while a glass instrument, no doubt used for scientific purposes, lay upon the wood surface. Her curiosity piqued, Twilight tossed the empty box aside, picked up the note, and started reading.

Smoke this stuff with the glass device included. Put a small amount of the plant in the bowl at the bottom of the bong, then light it using whatever means necessary. Place your lips at the top, and after lighting, take a deep breath.

Have fun!

p.s. Fill the bottom part with water first!

“That’s it?” Twilight asked in dismay, letting her shoulders slump. “No rules or regulations? No directions on how to run this experiment? Ugh! Amateurs!”

“Hm… what do we have here…” Spike asked as she reached for the big bag of plants. He opened it and grabbed a clawful of the unknown substance. Bringing it up to his nose, Spike sniffed it a couple of times before he popped it into his mouth. He chewed it a few times as he thought about how it tasted before swallowing it in one big gulp. “Huh… not bad… I usually don’t like the taste of vegetables, but I wouldn’t mind getting more of this!” He reached in and grabbed another clawful, but before he could bring it up to his mouth to swallow it, Twilight tugged the bag from his claw, stopping him.

“Hey, don’t eat that stuff until we know exactly what it is, Spike!” Twilight scolded her assistant. “The note says to smoke it, not eat it, but I don’t know how to do that…”

“Smoke it, eh?” Spike asked with a chuckle. “Well, let’s give it a shot and see what happens!” Without waiting for Twilight to respond, he took a deep breath and blew fire over his claw, lighting the plants and making a thick cloud of smoke form from it. He walked forward into the center of the haze and took a deep breath before being overcome by a coughing fit.

“Spike!” Twilight said as she rushed forward, unwittingly stepping into the smoke. Breathing in, she asked, “Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

Spike took a few moments to respond. He lifted his claw as if he was going to say something, but he paused as he took another deep breath, this time not coughing as much. “Woah… Twi… you feelin’ this?” He spit another stream of fire over the plants in his claw, making them produce a lot more smoke than before. “Just take a deep breath and you’ll see what I mean…” He sat down and brought the smoking plants up to his nose then took a deep whiff. He held the smoke in his lungs for several seconds before letting it all out, using his tongue to make it form a bunch of random shapes in the air. Letting out a chuckle, he said, “Daaaaaaaaamn, Twilight…”

“What?”

“Hold it in… yeah… hold it all in… hahaha…” Spike said, trying to hide his smile with his other claw.

  “Uh… you okay?” Twilight asked as she cocked her head to the side. When Spike nodded back, she said, “O…Okay, I guess…” As the smoke rose around her head, Spike blew another stream of fire over his claw and held it up for her to try. His claw mere centimeters from her muzzle, she breathed in deeply and held it in, just like he said. The smoke filled her lungs, making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and after waiting for several seconds, she let it all out, coughing all the while.

“How’re you feelin’, Twilight?” Spike asked with a chuckle. “You feelin’ good yet? I am… haha.”

“Oh, I’m feeling somethin’ alright,” Twilight said. She felt a little dizzy, but overall everything felt pretty good, like she didn’t have a care in the world. Remembering what the note said, she picked up the glass instrument and examined it. There was a little piece sticking out of it, right above a big bulge at the bottom. The top had a circular opening with the words, ‘Mouth Here’ right below it. She stood up to trot over to the kitchen, but she was seeing double. Looking down, she saw not one Spike, but two, something that made her freak out a little. Keep it together, Twilight… “Spike… go an… go and fill the bottom part wif water… yeah,” she finished lamely.

“Wh… why should I do that?” Spike asked as he blinked really slow.

“Because that’s what the directrions…” Twilight paused as she thought about what she had just said. “Yeah, that… said, Spike!”

“Fine… fine…” he grumbled. Spike snatched the glass device from Twilight’s hoof and walked into the kitchen. He filled it up to the point that Twilight specified then turned around to walk back to her when he spotted a big bag of chips laying on the counter. “Woah… those chips look pretty good…” he said to himself. Taking care to not spill the water, he jumped up and was just able to grab the bag from the counter, and after making sure that it was nearly full, he walked back to where Twilight was waiting for him. “Hey… wait a minute…” he said as he handed the device back to her.

“W… what?” Twilight asked as she took in another deep breath.

“You said directrions…” He started laughing, his chuckles making Twilight laugh with him.

“Heh, so?” she asked as she stuffed some of the plant stuff in the small bowl at the bottom of the device. “Oh, whatever… who cares? Just light this for me!”

“…Why?”

  “Because that’s what the directry–directions said, Spike!” Twilight said, her tone showing that she was starting to get a little annoyed. “Come on already!”

“Fine, fine…” Spike said as he stood up. Bending over, he stepped to the side so he wouldn’t burn Twilight, then blew his flame over the unlit plant.

As she watched her assistant’s flame light the plant, Twilight exhaled all the way then breathed in as fast as she could. She held back a giggle from the sounds the water at the bottom was making, and she struggled to keep the smoke in her lungs for as long as possible, but since it was much more potent now, she could only last about ten seconds before she let it all out in a coughing fit. Moments later, the drug’s effects suddenly hit her like a freight train speeding out of control.

She felt herself float up and out of her body as she transcended both space and time. All of Equestrian history flew by in a flash; she had all of the knowledge of the universe. She had the power to do anything and everything she had ever wanted to do. Suddenly, she found herself ripped from her planet, only to find herself traveling through a wormhole of sorts, speeding through the galaxy. She looked to the left and saw a duck flapping its wings, keeping up with her somehow. As she cocked her head to the side in confusion, she felt something sharp poke her hoof, bringing her back to reality.

Looking down, she saw Spike jabbing his claw into her leg. “Stop it!” she exclaimed, swatting his claw away with her other hoof. “What the heck are you… are you doing?” she asked, slurring her words.

“You didn’t hear me, Twilight?” Spike asked with a small chuckle, holding out his claw. “I’ve been asking for that thing for, like… the past ten or so minutes now…” He held up an empty bag of chips. “Oh yeah, and we’re out of chips… I never knew this brand tasted so good…”

“What? It was only like a minute…” Twilight said slowly as she set the bong down.

“Nah… it was definitely more than ten minutes…” Spike said as he grabbed the bong. He stuffed more of the plant stuff and shoved it where Twilight had just done a little while back. Just like before, he spit fire onto the plant stuff then took a big hit.

The next several hours passed as the two of them kept passing the bong back and forth. They cleaned out both the refrigerator and the freezer, and as the day started to turn to night, an awesome idea popped into Twilight’s mind.

“Spiiiiiiiiiiiike…” she said slowly. “I have an awesome idea…”

“What? Does it involve me getting up? Cuz I’mma tell you right now; that ain’t gonna happen…” Spike said as he took another hit from the bong.

“Nah…” Twilight grabbed the rest of the plant stuff, which wasn’t much, and walked over to where Spike sat, swaying back and forth all the while. “I think we should send some of this awesome stuff to Princess Celestia… for, um… analysisisis! Yeah, that!” She couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. “She’s gonna love this!”

“Heh, yeah… Let’s send this stuff to ‘er!” Spike laid the bong to the side as Twilight used her magic to pull the rest of the plant stuff out of the plastic bag. She rolled it all up into a nicely-sized ball, then held it in front of her assistant. “Ready!”

“Alright! Hehe, here we go!” Spike said. Taking a deep breath, he used his special talent to send the plant stuff to Princess Celestia. He wasn’t sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him or not, but he could have sworn he lit it on fire.

Princess Celestia was sitting at her desk in her study, finishing up the last of the paperwork for the night. It had been a highly stressful day, and she was counting down the seconds left until she could go to bed for a good night’s rest.

Moments later, she heard the familiar sound of an incoming message; no doubt from Twilight. “Oh, I wonder what she could want at an hour like this…” she asked herself seconds before the room was suddenly filled with a thick, pungent smoke. Coughing, she struggled to take a breath of clean air, but since she was in her small, personal study, the smoke had nowhere to go except her lungs.

It took her about a minute before she was able to stop coughing. She took a deep breath and sighed, letting a happy and relaxed smile on her face as she sat back on her comfy cushion. “Oh yeah… that hits the spot…”