Reconciliation

by TheBigStallowski

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Gilda
Length: 5747

After Rainbow Dash's funeral, Gilda begins the long and painful healing process.

Sequel to Too Little, Too Late. Rainbow Dash has committed suicide, thus leading to Gilda's return to Ponyville for the funeral. Now the funeral's ended, and with the help of Rainbow's old friends, Gilda begins the long road to recovery after having lost one of her oldest friends, all the while staying in Ponyville. And in doing so, she will have to face her greatest enemy: herself. She must face her inner demons, or drown in her own sorrow.

Published 2014-09-01 13:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-15 06:20:23 UTC

Loyalty I

“Reconciliation”

By

TheBigStallowski

Gilda stood and watched as the crowd from the funeral dispersed. She was now in Ponyville’s cemetery, her mind wandering to all sorts of different places. Hell if she knew where. All she could do was idly sit in the grass in the bright spring daylight. Despite the tone of the the day’s events, it was quite a rather beautiful Spring day, probably Ponyville’s first in a while. Did Dash leave a note for the weather team to do this, or─!

“Gaa!” She nearly took flight as she felt two taps on her wing which suddenly jarred her from her thoughts. Gilda turned over to see Pinkie Pie standing at her side.

Pinkie’s usually fluffy, cotton-candy-like mane was still down and deflated just as it had been during the funeral service. Her coat even looked as though it were duller than usual. “H-hey, Gilda.”

“Hey… Pinkie Pie, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the name!” the pink earth-pony tried to say with some degree of positivity, but her efforts fell flat on their back. She looked down at the ground sheepishly. She was the exact opposite of the usually cheery mare Gilda had met when she first came to Ponyville. “Rainbow’s friends and I are getting together at Sugarcube Corner later today, you’re welcome to come over with us. It’s only right, you know?”

Gilda stood there, dumbfounded. The last time she was here in Ponyville with all her friends, it ended in disaster. She’d made a fool of herself, and with the way she acted towards Rainbow’s friends? Was it really right for her to show up? “I-I’ll, I’ll think about it, Pinkie. Thanks.”

“Okay, it starts at 3, so we’ll all be there.” Pinkie managed to bring herself to smile, looking up at the griffon. “I’ll even make some cupcakes for all of you! I think we all need something to cheer us up, that’s what Rainbow Dash would want from us.” And with that, Pinkie made off back to the crowd of her friends. Gilda couldn’t help but notice it, but a little color seemed to return to the expressive mare’s coat. Taking Pinkie’s words into account, Gilda took off. She needed to be away from this negativity.

§

Just getting away from negativity? Easier said than done. That’s how Gilda felt as she sat on the park bench reading Rainbow Dash’s obituary in a newspaper. Apparently it was some filly that had found her after she’d hung herself. Gods, how horrible that must have been… she wanted to take a nap, but napping on the park benches is generally discouraged. Didn’t want to seem like some kind of vagrant. And she still had an hour before she was supposed to be at Sugarcube Corner.

She’d read the obituary several times over already, it had been written by Twilight. It was a beautiful piece; it had captured everything about Rainbow Dash perfectly, and the fact that it was written by a princess? That made it all the better. At least she stated that she wanted a smaller funeral, just for her friends and family. Her gaze shifted towards the picture of Rainbow Dash. It was her in her flight-suit from the Cloudsdale Games, smiling with confidence and fierce determination at the camera.

Then, something seemed to click. She did this, she committed this. She did this to her friends! Gilda thought to herself. She chose to do this, and didn’t even leave us an explanation as to why! She…

Gilda stopped herself. No. Don’t think about that. She assured herself. Don’t think about that she mentally repeated. She needed to be distracted. Her work had let her take the week off, the manager there was a pretty relaxed and relatable stallion, young guy.

Should I even be going to this thing? It’s not like I was part of their group, anyway, she thought. Wasn’t much to do in Ponyville other than going to Sugarcube, but it’s not like she had any friends up in Cloudsdale. There were plenty of bars there, though… Do I really wanna spend another night just getting wasted? Is that really gonna do anything for me? she wondered. It was a nice way to forget, though. Sitting in a nice and cozy bar, letting some stallions and even some mares sweet-talk her...

Gilda stood, stretching her wings. No. That’s not what Rainbow Dash would want. Okay, maybe she’d like the sweet-talking, but not tonight. She looked in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. “Not like last time. You’re killing me here, Dash. But this is for you.” She then trotted towards center town.

Honesty I

Chapter 3: Honesty I

A dusty kitchen with a dim light, dull tile floors spotted with dirt. A griffon woman sat at the small, rotting, wooden table reading a newspaper. The silence would occasionally be broken by the soft rattle of gunshots in the distance.

Little Gilda stared up out the window at a gray sky and a massive, dilapidated concrete wall looming over the tiny house. Crows sat perched upon the wall squawking at each other. She liked the birds. She wanted to fly to the top of the wall, to see all of Gryphus from the highest point in her little world, but she knew she couldn’t. At least, her parents always said so. On the other side of that wall lay West Gryphus: part of the Principality of Equestria.

All of a sudden a raven landed in the window sill. Gilda nearly jumped back in shock of the majestic creature’s sudden entrance. It looked up at her, its head cocked to the side. Little Gilda mimicked the motion out of her own instinct and curiosity. “Hi, I’m Gilda, what’s your name?”

The raven had no response. It merely flew to a ledge on the wall, looking down at her. Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door. She heard a male griffon’s voice “Raus hier, du Schlampe!” Not her dad’s voice. She didn’t understand all the words. Grown-up talk. But they wanted someone outside?

Her mother stood and made her way to the door. Little Gilda began to follow, watching from the table. The house was so small that the front door led directly into the kitchen area. She heard flapping behind her, and looked back to see the raven perched on the window sill, cocking its head again. Her mother opened the door, and three large griffons in dark green military uniform stood there.

Little Gilda was frightened. Her mother always told her to never, never talk to these griffons. The lead Griffon, the one with the hat instead of a helmet, spoke. “Frau Streit, Ihre Tage das Schmuggelns sind vorüber!.”

Her mother shook her head, telling them she had no idea what they were talking about. The officer began to yell in gryphonic, Little Gilda had absolutely no idea what he was saying. Her mother yelled something back, and one of the other griffons hit her with a gun.

“Mommy!” Little Gilda yelled as she ran over. She saw the leader of the trio draw a pistol, aiming it right at her as she ran then a loud explosion and red filled her senses.

§

Sunlight filled the room as Gilda shot up from her bed, panting. She fucking hated Gryphus. Getting up from her bed, she lumbered to window, where she could see the pony town in the distance.

She took a deep breath, looking down at them. She used to hate ponies in their entirety. They were the ones who had let Gryphus become like that. Now… now she wasn’t sure what to feel about it. War was an ugly thing, but its end was to achieve peace, right? At least that’s what they were taught in school at Cloudsdale.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a deep, masculine voice behind her. “You been sleepin’ all right?”

She spun her head around to see a large, red, male stallion standing in the doorway. Must be Big Macintosh… Gilda noted. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Upon further examination of the stallion before her, she noted a small cast wrapped around Big Mac’s hind leg.

The larger pony nervously scratched his mane, “Erm… Ah’m not exactly fit to be workin’ the fields today,” he said as he glanced down at the cast on his legs, “but Ah’d be glad t’ show ya ‘round town.”

Gilda shrugged. There goes the dilemma of solving what to do for the day.

“Unless y’all had somethin’ else planned.” Big Mac said plainly.

“Nah, I’ve got nothing going on. I’m off work for the week. Not like they really need me there, anyway.”

Big Mac walked out of the room, gesturing for her to follow behind.

§

“So how well did you know Dash?” Gilda asked. They were walking through the Ponyville streets now, and everything seemed normal. It completely contradicted the depressing mood of the town the day prior. The skies were still mostly clear, but she could see the occasional weather pony tending to a cloud in motion.

“Reckon not too much. She an’ AJ never really started talkin’ till Twilight showed up.” He looked up at a weather pony moving positioning a cloud in the sky before shifting his attention back to the griffon at his side. “She was a good mare, Ah know that much. Prob’ly the best darn weather mare Ah’ve seen.”

Gilda grunted. She didn’t have much to say about, she’d never seen her weather work before. Doesn’t really know her, I know he’s just trying to help but it doesn’t seem like─”

“It don’t seem like Ah’m sayin’ the right things, don’t it?”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Gilda nonchalantly admitted. What the hell? How’d he know that?

They continued walking on ahead, Big Macintosh simply staring forward as he walked. “Y’all wanna talk about somethin’ other than Rainbow for the time bein’. dontcha?”

“Yeah, sure.” Gilda scanned around, desperately looking for something to refocus the conversation. She blurted the first thing that came to mind. “What happened to your leg?”

“‘scuse me?”

“Uh…” Shit! Change the subject! “Dash said there’s lots of timberwolves in the Everfree, so I was wondering if─”

The towering earth pony cut her off with laughter. “Mmmnope. Just hurt it applebuckin’. Happens when ya get older. You hungry? Ah figure you could use some breakfast. And Ah haven’t eaten lunch.”

They were approaching a café, anyway, and while Gilda herself wasn’t very hungry, she agreed to it.

It was funny. They went in, they sat, they ordered, and Big Mac hadn’t said a word about the café itself. In fact, that wasn’t the only thing Gilda found odd about the situation.

“Alright, what’s really going on here?”

The cumbersome Earth Pony scanned over their surroundings plainly. “‘nother nice spring day thanks to the weather team.”

“No, you haven’t shown me around town, not really. We went in a straight line from the barn to the café. We passed by several things that should be landmarks like the town hall, that statue of some random pony, a place that for some reason sells quills and sofas… what’s going on?” Gilda asked, somewhat irritated by the pony before her.

Big Macintosh stared her plainly in the eyes, taking a deep breath. “Ah figured y’all needed my two cents on what happened last week with Rainbow.”

Gilda raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh… Look, maybe I don’t really wanna talk about it?” It was true. After last night, she didn’t want to think about─

‘Your friend? Coward’.

Fuck off… I don’t need─

“Ah’ve been in a similar situation,” Big Macintosh averted his gaze, looking down at the table. It seemed he’d lost his previously held confidence by trying to find the right words. Gilda shook the thoughts from her head, focusing on the pony.

She cut him off, “Died in an accident, right? I think I remember Dash telling me something about that, I’m pretty sure she said it was you and AppleJack’s-"

“Wasn’t an accident.” Big Macintosh took a deep breath, looking back up at Gilda. “Pa did the same as Rainbow did. Hung himself right in the barn.”

Wow. That was all Gilda could think. But, that only answered one, did…? “Did your mom end up doing the same?”

Big Mac shook his head. “She died in labor, deliverin’ AppleBloom. We ain’t told her ‘cause we don’t want her blamin’ herself.”

Oh… At least she doesn’t have that burden. Gilda looked away, scratching the wood of the table with her talon. Rest of us aren’t so lucky.

The farm pony straightened up, placing his hooves on the table. “Ah know it ain’t somethin’ ya wanna talk about. But Ah know that y’all gotta know you can’t go on blamin’ yourself about what happened. Feelin’ guilty’s one thing, but you gotta be honest with yourself.”

“And what would you know about blaming yourself for it!?” Gilda burst. She stopped herself. What the hell am I doing? she asked herself. “I… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”

The dejected farm pony was taken aback for a moment at Gilda’s words, not expecting her to lash out. He then shook his head slightly and cleared his throat. “Ah forgive ya. Like Ah said, Ah was in yer situation once. Ma died after Pa, but after he died Ah overheard her sayin’ to Granny that he was stressin’ over havin’ too many children to feed the whole family; wouldn’ta been enough money.”

“So you blamed yourself, because you were one of his kids and you added to that amount?”

“Eeyup.”

“But why not blame either of your sisters?” That sounded harsh. She needed to think fast, “I mean, you were the firstborn so…”

“He gave AJ his stetson, said in his note it was belongin’ to her. An’ AppleBloom… Ah couldn’t blame her. Part o’ me wanted to, but Ah couldn’t.”

To Gilda that… made absolutely no sense. She was the foal on the way that set him over the edge. “Why not? I mean, I know it sounds cruel, but with her being the ‘one too many’...”

“Ah think, deep down, Ah always knew the honest truth. Suicide’s only got one truth.”

“And what’s that?”

“That… that don’t really matter at the moment, it’s subjective. What’s important is in my case, Ah realized Ah was the man of the family now. Don’t matter who or what happened, Ah’ll always look out for AJ an’ AppleBloom. And y’all should just keep lookin’ forward, too.” Big Mac’s gaze shifted to that of the clock tower on town hall. He nonchalantly stood up. “Ah’ve gotta get back to the barn. See ya round?”

Well that certainly was sudden. “Uh… sure.” Wait a minute, Rainbow Dash had said something about the Apples… “Hold on a sec, so are you the quiet one, or is that AppleBloom?”

Big Mac simply shook his head, giving a light chuckle. “Ah only say what’s needin’ to be said.”

§

Gilda sat slouched in a chair in the Apple Family’s living room. The only noises being the tick-tock of an old clock, and Granny Smith rocking back and forth on her chair. Gilda regarded the old mare with a look, observing the most elderly pony she’d seen in all her years. She’s probably old enough to remember the domain wars.

The implications of such would be endless. Would she feel guilty? Sympathetic? Xenophobic? It was not like the old mare was avoiding conversation, but more so seemed to know that her new guest didn’t want to talk right now. Or knew that Big Macintosh had already talked. She’s probably seen shit like this dozens of times…

The griffon’s thoughts were interrupted when she heard voices from outside. Two fillies, one with the same country accent as the apples and another with the seemingly universal Equestrian accent.

The other filly, the one with the normal accent, spoke first. “I just wish we could do something for Scootaloo…”

“Ah know, but Ah dunno what it’ll take for her to get out of that house. Ah wish we could reach her up there. How else are we gonna get her down?”

The other filly sounded completely defeated, “Can she even hear us? I just wish she’d say something...”

“We’ll think of somethin’ tomorrow. Maybe get Twilight t’ help us. Okay, Sweetie Belle?”

“Okay, AppleBloom…”

The front door opened, and in walked the yellow-coated filly which Gilda assumed to be Applebloom. The filly didn’t say a word, nor did she really acknowledge the griffon’s presence. Instead, she merely walked directly towards the staircase, presumably to her room.

“It’s a real shame…” muttered the old earth pony. Gilda looked, surprised that she finally spoke.

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Gilda remarked.

Granny Smith simply continued to look down at her knitting as she spoke, “That Scootaloo filly’s one of AppleBloom’s closest friends, an’ she looked at Rainbow Dash like the biggest hero in Equestria.”

“Huh.” In her more recent visits before her death, Rainbow had mentioned a filly named Scootaloo once or twice.

“What’s the ‘huh’ about?”

“I just never knew she had ponies that looked up to her like that…” I guess there’s a lot I didn’t know. Did we really not talk for that long? How much really happened with Dash in that whole time?

The old mare slowed down her rocking, putting down her sewing needles. “You two had some rough patches in your friendship.

Is every Apple psychic? Or is that just me? “How would you know?”

“You don’t think an old mare like me don’t hear things through the grapevine?”

Gilda grunted in response, flicking her tail. She raised an eyebrow as she noticed Granny Smith begin to smile.

“I have a feeling Scootaloo doesn’t know that. And I think she needs the right thing to hear. Times like these it feels like nopony y’know knows the right thing to say.

“You’re damn right about that.”

“No cussing.” said the old mare, suddenly serious. She chuckled, getting back to her knitting and rocking. “Only old codgers like me seen enough to cuss.”

Gilda herself couldn’t help but chuckle too. “My old man used to say the same thing.”

“Hm…” Granny Smith seemed to think to herself, rocking back and forth and paying attention to her work. “You were born in Gryphus?”

“East Gryphus.” Gilda stated flatly. It was by instinct; she hated that place, and she couldn’t help but feel it was their fault.

“My husband fought in Gryphus, during the domain wars…”

“Oh?”

There was silence for a moment as Granny still continued her work: knitting and knitting away. “Celestia tried her best for you.”

Guess she knew. “Her best wasn’t good enough.”

“She knows that. We all know that, child. But we can’t upset the peace in the Principality.”

“So when Gryphus under IronClaw tries exerting his force over the Zebras and Saddle Arabia, he needs to be stopped, but when Stalliongrad is starving us, it’s a matter of ‘not upsetting peace’?”

“Don’t ask me, child. I’m no politician, and I don’t know the answer to that. Nopony really knows the answer to the hard problems anyway. But you’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

Yeah, much bigger things…

Laughter I

Chapter 2: Laughter I

Her beak nearly hit the ground. She couldn’t believe it. Pinkie had thrown a party. Okay, it wasn’t an over-the-top streamers everywhere and blasting music kind of party, but Pinkie had definitely spruced the place up with decorated tables, readily available food and cider. Though it was just the five of them (aside from an occasional customer which the Cakes attended to) the place still felt lively. They were… talking. Not just that, but some of them were even smiling. All except for Fluttershy, and the white one… what was her name, Gilda wondered, Rarity?

Pinkie Pie noticed that the griffon had entered. Standing from her seat, she waved her over. There was another seat at the table next to AppleJack, which Gilda took.

“Gilda! Nice of you to join us!” Twilight announced. She wasn’t wearing any of her princess regalia, which Gilda found kind odd. She’d always imagined Twilight wearing her dress and crown but here she was, bare like everypony (and griffon) else.

“Yeah, thanks for the invite.” Gilda awkwardly replied. She held her wings stiffly folded, limbs tense on the chair. She felt like she was intruding upon this close group.

AppleJack continued talking, it seemed that she had been telling a story. “Ah’ was so glad she was able to be first in line for some cider last season. Always felt bad for the poor girl whenever she couldn’t get any.” she shot a glance at Pinkie Pie, giving a smug half-smile.

Pinkie chuckled, “I have no idea what you’re talking about! But hey, I cut down on it last year! The Cakes say I’ve gotta eat a little less sweets and cider, because apparently it’ll be bad for me in a few years.”

Gilda chuckled. “Y’know, when Rainbow Dash was talking to me about moving here, one of the first things she said was she’d try to be first in line every morning on cider season. She loved the stuff even in Cloudsdale.”

The other ponies chuckled a bit. It seemed they knew all too well about Dash’s affinity for cider.

“Well I’ll be darned!” remarked AppleJack, “she never told me that was one o’ the reasons she moved here!”

Gilda observed the laughing crowd around her. She noticed even Fluttershy had begun to crack a smile at this point, even though the floor seemed to be the topic of her gaze.

“Honestly, dear, is it really of any surprise to you that that would be one of the first things she’d think of when deciding to move here?” Rarity added. She too was smiling. Raising a hoof to her mouth in a ladylike fashion, she cleared her throat.

Wow, this mare can probably make anything seem ladylike. Gilda observed.

Rarity began. “I do remember one late night during cider season, it had to have been three in the morning. I’d heard a rather aggressive knocking on my door. Now, I’d expected it to be AppleBloom or Scootaloo with some insane scheme to drag my sister on at such an unholy hour until I heard Rainbow Dash calling ‘Rarity! Rarity!’” As she impersonated Rainbow Dash, she held a hoof to her forehead and threw herself back, overplaying the melodrama of Rainbow’s calls.

“So I walk out there and she grabs me in a squeezing hug, proclaiming that I was the most beautiful mare she’d ever met, how she loves me so, and…” she again cleared her throat, her eyes darting sheepishly. “Other… things.”

“Ooh! Ooh!” shouted Pinkie. “What kinds of other things?”

AppleJack facehoofed, muttering “Oh, Celestia…” Twilight awkwardly shifted in her seat while Fluttershy let out a soft, barely audible giggle.

Rarity, on the other hoof, simply smiled and said “Perhaps the best way for me to explain is I had to inform her that I don’t ‘swing that way’, so to speak.” And with that, Pinkie’s lips formed an ‘O’, her eyes wide with realization as she slowly nodded.

Okay, maybe she isn’t so oblivious… thought Gilda. She sat back, listening to Rarity as she continued her story.

“I felt sorry for her, I truly did, but I had to keep in mind that she was simply intoxicated. So I took her in and we laid on the chaise lounge,” she looked over the group to reluctantly entreat them, “yes, the one I normally use to faint on. It was quite flattering to hear her talk of how she felt about my looks, quite… odd, for her to press herself so longingly onto me, until we changed the subject to certain stallions…” she gave AppleJack a grin.

The farmpony rolled her eyes, taking a drink from her cider. “Why’s it always gotta be Big Mac?” she complained as she buried her face in her hooves.

The other ponies chuckled. Gilda didn’t get it. Did Dash have a thing for AppleJack’s brother? What?

“Oh relax, dear. We had some talk, but just as we were about to get to the more… shall we say ‘juicy’ bits, she was snoring on the couch and curled up against me. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, and feeling tired myself, I decided to humor her when she woke, and lay with her for the night.”

Gilda burst into laughter, the other ponies stared, Twilight chuckling nervously. “That’s classic Dash! She did that exact same thing to me, and plenty of other girls at the academy.”

Rarity seemed to be in disbelief. “Are you implying she was not drunk that night? Because I most assuredly smelled the cider on her breath.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, she definitely would’ve been drunk. But she’s not a stupid drunk… most of the time. She’s almost as good with her liquor as a griffon. But plenty of straight mares that she liked she’d do that just to get an excuse to cuddle.” Gilda chuckled, then let out a sigh. “For such a toughie, she sure knew how to play the sympathy card.”

The other mares snickered, realizing Rainbow Dash’s cleverness. Rarity still seemed taken aback, “That sly…” she murmured good-naturedly.

Gilda looked down into her mug of cider. She’d rather have heard that from Dash herself, that would’ve been a good story… Rainbow always tried getting what she wanted, even if it was practically impossible. This was nice. If only Dashie were here to see it… she thought. Gods, if only. This would’ve been so nice to be here with her, having a rockin’ good time.

Images flashed. Rainbow Dash: hanging. Rainbow Dash in her coffin at the viewing, wearing that beautiful dress. The scent of flowers, the church organ, the song, the bright cemetery─

Gilda’s mind was forced back into reality upon hearing Pinkie’s shrill voice. “Ooh! Cupcakes are almost ready!” The pink mare stood from the table, trotting onward to the kitchen.

“You feelin’ all right, darlin’? Looked a bit lost for a sec.” AppleJack observed, putting a hoof to Gilda’s shoulder.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I gotta ask Pinkie about something.” Gilda quickly got up from the table, following Pinkie Pie into the kitchen.

When she entered the kitchen she saw Pinkie remove the tray of cupcakes from the oven. “Hey, Pinkie, can I ask you something?” inquired the griffon.

“Okey dokey! Ask me anything!” Pinkie jubilantly responded.

Gilda leaned on the counter, an inquisitive look in her eyes. “Earlier today, all of you were mopey and depressed. No offense, but you yourself looked like hell. And now, you’re all just… you’re all able to just sit around and laugh and have a good time.”

“Yep! Oh, are you not having a good time? Is something wrong? I can help─”

“No, it’s not that! I’m having a great time, too,” she took a deep breath, carefully working how to put it. “but you seemed to put a lot of work into this. I mean, how…?”

Pinkie set the tray down on the counter, putting a hoof to Gilda’s beak, giving her a warm and genuine smile. “Sometimes, no matter how bad things get, all you’ve gotta do is smile. I know it’s hard for someponies, but that’s why I’m here!” Pinkie removed her hoof from Gilda’s beak, letting out a giggle. Gilda smiled back.

“Thanks.”

§

It had gotten to be later into the night. Eventually they relocated to Pinkie Pie’s room at the request of the Cakes, as they had to clean the shop for tomorrow. They’d watched a movie, and the five friends gossiped about the happenings in and out of town while Gilda sat and listened, focusing on their words. She couldn’t be alone with her thoughts.

She noticed Fluttershy yawn. Gilda checked her watch. 11:30pm. Damn, I’ve been here this long? she remarked.

“Well, I think I’m gonna be heading back to the library.” Twilight stated, trotting over to Pinkie and giving her a hug. “This was great. Thank you so much, Pinkie, for doing this. I think… no, I know that this is what Rainbow would want us doing.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Twi! Just doing what I always do. For Dashie, y’know?” Pinkie reiterated, this time almost sounding a little lost. “For Dashie…” her mane began to deflate a little, she buried her head in Twilight’s chest, tears welling in her eyes. The usually jubilant pink mare let out a single sob, then parted from Twilight, taking a deep breath, mustering a smile. “For Dashie.”

Twilight put a hoof to Pinkie’s shoulder, offering a tender smile. “Take care, Pinkie. And you’re welcome to come over to the library─ castle,” she corrected herself, “anytime you like.”

With that, Twilight and Fluttershy trotted out of the room. Gilda herself suddenly felt exhausted, and let out a loud yawn as she stretched her arms. “Whew! I’m beat. It’s been a long day, flying here from Cloudsdale and doing all this…”

Rarity leaned in, a look of concern in her deep blue eyes. “You don’t have to fly all the way back to Cloudsdale now, do you? That must be dreadful after today!”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Suddenly AppleJack chimed in. “Tell ya what, why don’t y’all come along with me to Sweet Apple Acres? We got a guest bedroom y’all can use for the night, or longer if that’s what yer hankerin’ for.”

Gilda was shaken. She barely knew these ponies, and they invited her to this party, to stay over for a few nights? “I think I’ll take you up on that, AJ.” she replied.

§

Gilda and AppleJack walked side-by-side down the streets of Ponyville. They’d all said their goodbyes and walked Rarity to her boutique, and now it was just the two of them making their way to Sweet Apple Acres.

She looked over to the earth pony mare next to her. “AppleJack…”

The startled mare looked up at the griffon. “Huh? What is it?”

“Why did she do it?”

AppleJack let out a sigh, staring forward at the orchard ahead of them. “Ah can’t tell ya that. Ah’ve honestly got no idea why she’d do such a thing.”

They were in the orchard now. AppleJack leaned against a tree, removing her stetson and holding it to her chest. “An’ it hurts. Ah’m more angry at her than Ah’ve ever been an’ it hurts.” She set her stetson on the ground, her breaths increasing in pace. She let out a yell as she powerfully bucked the tree she’d been leaning against. “Ah would’ve been there for her!”

Another buck.

“Ah would’ve listened! Ah would’ve helped!”

Another buck.

“Tain’t fair!”

AppleJack stopped, panting. She carefully picked up her stetson and brushed it off before placing it back atop her head. “Ah’m mighty sorry ‘bout that.”

Gilda stared at the Earth pony before her. Aside from Pinkie Pie, AppleJack had been the most cheerful and unsolemn that whole night until now. “You’re right, it isn’t fair.” Gilda remarked. The two continued walking towards the farm house. “I don’t know whether or not I can forgive her. I just… I’m sad, but I’m pissed, y’know?”

“Darlin’ Ah know perfectly well.” She took a deep breath. “Ah’m glad Pinkie pulled through on this. She told me ‘bout her plans for it a few days before the funeral, obviously she needed my help with the cider.”

Gilda was surprised. A few days before the funeral? That would mean… “Wait, so she told you this only like, a day or two after you guys got the news?”

AppleJack nodded, letting out a weak chuckle. “Yep. That mare sure is somethin’...”

Gilda was almost speechless. “How does she…?”

AppleJack looked up at Gilda, “If there’s one thing Ah’ve learned from Pinkie it’s that sometimes, when we wanna do anything but smile, is when we need t’ smile the most.”

§

The two had made it to the farmhouse, and AppleJack showed Gilda the guest bedroom, which was only right across from the second floor bathroom and right next to AppleBloom’s room. The rest of the Apple family had been asleep for the past few hours, AppleJack explained that they usually go to bed early to get up for the morning chores.

The bedroom itself was nice; it had a comfortable straw bed, homely white and pink design scheme to it, and a nice white rug that really tied the room together. It also had a makeup station with drawers and a mirror.

Gilda stood in front of the mirror, inspecting her appearance. She definitely needed to preen, she hadn’t done so since early this morning before her trek to Ponyville. She learned in, staring her own reflection in the eyes.

“This is your fault.”

Gilda was suddenly jarred. She’d been pointing at the mirror, as though her reflection was talking to her. She stared back at her reflection inquisitively. “How’s it my fault?” she asked herself.

The mirror Gilda snickered. “Wow, you really are that stupid. If you hadn’t acted like such a bitch the day she first invited you to this backwater town, she wouldn’t have jumped into a fucking noose.”

“No, it’s not my fault. We got back in contact, we─”

“Oh, give me a break!” her reflection chided. “You were her best friend, the one she confided in. And what did you do? You made both yourself and her look like an ass.”

Tears were starting to form in the corners of her eyes. “She had Fluttershy! She knew her longer than she knew me!”

“And because of you, she couldn’t bring herself to trust Fluttershy. She couldn’t confide in anyone because she knew they could turn. And it’s all. Your. Fault.”

With a snarl, Gilda stormed away from the mirror and to the lightswitch. She could hear the voice still in the back of her heard. ‘Don’t try to run from it.’

“Fuck you.”

She flicked off the lights, and flopped onto the bed. Breathe in, breathe out. She shook with each breath now, burying her head in the pillows. “It’s not my fault,” she moaned. “It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault!” she yelled, her voice muffled by the pillows. She didn’t even bother holding it in, the tears streamed down her eyes as her breaths became sobs.

“It’s not my fault…”