Babs Seed - The Rhymer

Extra! Extra!

Read all about it!

"The Little Kid Was Driving this Cadillac;

All the Other Little Cars got Hit!"

I once worked for a newspaper

It was a supermarket tabloid

I worked there with reporters

Who reported on things too good to avoid

Last week my paper's sales were boosted

by a simple little headline:

"My Daddy Grabbed My Poor Little Heart

and Shoved It in an Old Gold Mine."

"Cousin Last Seen Taking Photos of

Her Old Diseased ex-Husband;

Published Photos in this Ol' Tabloid

and Showed Them to All The Land."

EXTRA! EXTRA!

We supermarket people

Believe nothing that people

Say is meaningful

EXTRA! EXTRA!

We lie for cheap exploitation!

We believe nothing at our paper

Could possibly cause more than an explosion!

We tabloid-ers don't care at all

If we hurt anypony's feelings

Just send us all your tips

And we'll make sure some demon sings!

"Somepony just died today

Let's publish his or her autopsy

See the photos of her blood

And look at her body bleed!"

But wait, let's all take a look here

Nopony wants to be treated this way

What has everypony done

To deserve to be given hell this day?

Today is the day in which I leave

This ol' supermarket tabloid

Time to say goodbye to all the reporters

Who reported on things too good to avoid

I left this ol' tab-a-loid

because it was too busy bullying

Now I live a meaningful life

Where beautiful is everything.

(Cliffhanger)