Rarity and Tom's Magical Adventure

Chapters

Idea!
True, True Love
Center of the Show
Go Big or Go Home
Memories
Author's Note - Acknowledgements and Thoughts

Idea!

Rarity sat at the Ponyville café, having a light lunch. It was a fair day in Ponyville, with the temperature pleasant and the cloud cover sparse until the storm scheduled next week. Every table in the area was filled as couples treated each other to easy conversation and good food and other ponies walked the streets going about their daily jobs lazily so the day would seem to last longer. Her orders were taken care of through the week, the spa had fresh stock of the oils and shampoos imported from Canterlot ready for her today, and she was able to help one her closest friends with the tribulations thrust upon them by fate. All in all, Rarity mused to herself as she nibbled at the last of her salad, it was a wonderful time to be out of the shop and relaxing.

“-nd Luna tried giving me Ponyville as a fief, never mind that the feudal system totally died out in Equestria on September 3rd, 1103, when Count Marzipan was forced to relinquish his authority after Major Ironside brought the 4th Pegasopolis Guard into his royal estate, except the laws had never actually changed to reflect that and Luna’s decree was still technically law, so everyone had to figure out if any other legal documents had been drawn up concerning it and undo them, which made my second address to the nation awkward as I tri-”

Rarity sipped quietly from her tea as the newly-crowned Princess continued to vent her frustration and nervousness over her appointment to royalty and the troubles it brought. Entirely expected, really; no one properly prepares to be royalty. Even Rarity had to admit that everything happening to Twilight right now was far more complicated than the fashionista had envisioned in her fantasies involving Prince Blueblood. A real shame he turned out to be such an insufferable prick.

“-dering what the finances of the town are. I mean, the Princess didn’t mention anything about managing the financial aspects of the realm, but something might happen that demands her and Luna’s attention and I’d need to help manage the country for a time, so I should move volumes 13 and 14 of Death and Taxes up my reading list, but I still need to get to Civics and Refo-”

Savoir Fare made another pass at their table, and Rarity negotiated another round of teas for the mares and another DLT for Twilight using a few elaborate hoof gestures that wouldn’t have been out of place for a wise mystic holed up in a frost-capped mountain somewhere. Satisfied the order would be carried out as he wandered off to help another table, Rarity slowly finished her iced tea, savoring the light taste of lemon and sugar. Maybe she should take the opportunity to figure out what to gift everyone at Pinkie’s “Hooray, You’re a Princess!” party?

“-lomatic relations with the Crystal Empire, which is nice and all since I’ll get to see Cadence and my brother again, but I really don’t want to take the flying coach since it’ll just be me and the guards and they’re just so unnerving when they treat me like a Princess, it’d be a lot better if I could just take the train, and Spike is going to be here the whole time beca-”

“TOM!”

Twilight froze, midway through the motion of bringing her sandwich over from Savoir’s tray as she attempted to process the statement that came from Rarity. The massive shift in attention caused a few tics to crop up as Twilight’s mind shifted gears, ranging from the subtle twitch in her right eye and slight mouthing of words she didn’t actually have yet to the much more noticeable flaring of her wings. Every other patron at the café was now looking at the table, and one proactive pony had already fled the area entirely.

When Twilight finally refocused enough to start seeing her surroundings again, she saw Rarity sitting down, newly filled iced tea floating in the air next to her head, with a single hoof raised imperiously over the table, both her hoof and her gaze pointing at some unseen object above her shoulder. Twilight turned momentarily to see what was behind her, but all she saw in that direction were thatched roofs and a few errant clouds in the sky. Twilight still wasn’t firing on all cylinders yet, but as she turned back to Rarity, she managed to sum up her feelings quite nicely.

“Huh?”

Rarity was back to casually sipping her iced tea, as though the last five seconds were a product of Twi’s imagination. Since Rarity seemed entirely unconcerned with the recent sequence of events, Twilight waited a few more seconds to come up with a more eloquent way to phrase her feeling of confusion.

“Is something wrong, Rarity? That kinda came out of nowhere.”

“Not at all, dear,” Rarity said, swishing her drink around in the air with her magic, “I’m just responding to the last statement you made. That’s all.”

Twilight struggled with her memory for a few seconds, thinking through everything she had ranted about so far, when she finally recalled the last major thread she had managed to get to. “Something about Spike?”

“Ye- er, no, actually. The one right before that, dear.” Rarity set her drink down and waved her hoof in the air like she was rewinding the conversation. “The bit about your trip to the Crystal Empire.”

An answer! Twilight latched onto Rarity’s statement, finally able to pay full attention to what her friend was saying. She could start asking reasonable questions now! “Alright, I remember now. What does a “Tom” have to do with that?”

“”Remember that rock I had that, er, unfortunate incident with when Discord was hiding in the Canterlot maze?” Rarity barely concealed the shudder that came with the horrid memory of what she was going to do with that rock. “We just bring him along for the trip. Easy enough.”

The Twilight Express was threatening to derail again. “I don’t follow.”

Rarity pushed her hair up with a foreleg, testing the bounciness of her curl. “It’s just a bit of creative thinking. See, most royal coaches can only support two ponies at most. If you absolutely insist that that Tom is a national treasure of some sort and it needs to be with you at all times for the trip, an alternate transport will be needed to fit all three of us.” She brought her hoof up underneath her chin as she thought over what she said. “Maybe not a national treasure, but that’s a minor detail we can figure out later. If you wait until the trip is about to start to tell the guards this, the train will be the quickest way to get up to the Kingdom. It’s not like the guards can argue with a Princess, anyway.” Satisfied with her logic, Rarity picked up her drink again and continued to enjoy the taste, leaving Twilight to think over it.

After a few moments, taking a few bites from her sandwich to help space out her thoughts, Twilight finally offered a few thoughts of her own. “That’s… an interesting idea. Why Tom, though, and why are you coming along now? I’m the only one who needs to go.”

Rarity brushed off the concerns. “I could use another trip up north. I don’t have any contacts up there to help distribute my products, and I’m certain the styles of the Crystal Kingdom are going to catch on in Equestria eventually. I need to investigate the fashion scene up there so I can work on my own designs inspired by it. As for Tom… well, you could just insist on the train anyway and probably succeed, but this is more entertaining.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like something Rainbow or Pinkie would say. Have the dyes finally gone to your head like they’ve always said they would?”

Rarity stuck her nose in the air and brought her hoof to her chest, puffing it out as the nobility in Canterlot often did before they said something incredibly egotistical “Are you suggesting I am being frivolous, Princess Sparkle? Perish the very idea! A proper lady must always be elegant and refined, and the mere suggestion that I would enjoy bringing a rock along on a major diplomatic function for the sole purpose of seeing how the guards react is damning, Princess. DAMNING!”

Rarity ended her statement by throwing her hooves as far out as they’d go and waving them around spastically, a move that sent the already tittering Twilight over the edge into full blown laughter. Rarity didn’t take long to join her, and their laughter could be heard all the way to Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie’s smile grew a little bit bigger as she was baking pastries. After a few minutes that came and went far too quickly, the mares had calmed down enough to resume their conversation.

“Thanks for laugh, Rarity. With the way everything has been piling up, I really needed this lunch. If you’ll be joining me for the trip, you’ll need to be at the library no later than seven thirty. The guards will bring the chariot around at that time.” Twilight paused, furrowing her brow as a new thought occurred to her. “What about your business and your sister?”

Rarity shrugged her shoulders and stood up, resisting the urge to do a little dance to work out her sore legs after sitting for several hours. “I can put off my orders for a few days. ‘Accompanying a Princess’ is a reasonable excuse for any situation. As for Sweetie Belle, she’s out of town with my parents visiting Neigh Orleans. They’ll be back in a month or so. Plenty of time for this trip.”

Twilight stood up as well, stretching out her wings and doing an awkward little dance to work out her sore legs. She was sitting for longer than she thought. “Alright, Rarity, I need to get back to work. I’ll go ahead and send a letter to Shiny when I get home and let him know to expect one more. We’ll make your trip as productive as possible, I promise.”

Rarity giggled. “Oh, you’re the one who needs the trip more, darling. A mare can’t spend all her time fretting or her hair will end up a dreadful mess, and spending time with your brother and foal-sitter will be just the thing to save you from such a terrible fate!” Twilight rolled her eyes in response as her friend left to go back to her shop.

“I’ll try to think of it that way instead, Rarity. Thanks for all your help again!” As Rarity gave the usual assent along the lines of “No, really, it was nothing,” Twilight thought back over Rarity’s suggestion for her upcoming trip. She had to admit she was blowing the whole trip out of proportion along with a lot of other stuff, but the fact that Rarity had insisted on bringing Tom along was strange. Not only did she hate bringing anything related to Discord’s first return up, her suggestion was so outlandish that it had to be triggered by something, and she couldn’t figure out what it was.

Taking a deep sigh, Twilight pushed the thought out of her head. She had more important things to be worrying about. Like rereading Ancient Equestrian Customs and Traditions for the third time, and stocking up on rubies for Spike to eat, and making sure Pinkie had cleaned out that disastrous attempt at making a new flavor of bubblegum taffy from her lab, and writing a letter to the Princess summarizing everything she had done in preparation for her trip...

True, True Love

Before the dawn of the first day for Twilight’s trip, the Ponyville market was slowly waking up. Ponies moved around with quiet purpose as they set up their stalls in preparation for the morning mass of ponies that will be starting their day in a couple hours. Pleasant greetings were exchanged among a few of the merchant ponies as they went along their business, and some transactions were carried out in the early light of day while ponies still had the time to shop freely. Applejack was among the ones doing the most business, as many ponies failed to eat before setting up in the marketplace, and since she was one of the first ponies to arrive every morning, she had plenty of time to wander the stalls and offer a discounted rate on the Apple Farm crop before she officially opened the stall. Right now, she was attempting to persuade one very obstinate pony that she needed to take a break and get something quick to eat. After all, she was doing some pretty heavy work.

“Sure yah don’t want any apples there, hun? Least ah can do for yah if yah keep insisting on doin’ this yerself.”

The pony in question slowly came up from her sprawled out position on the ground into a sitting one, as a light blue glow came over her horn and her burden. “I said I’m fine, Applejack.” She let out a deep puff as she continued to drag her rock along the path to the library, leaving a trail at least a few inches deep in the ground as she failed again in picking it up.

Applejack chuckled at Rarity’s attempts to drag Tom through the marketplace. Rarity didn't have that much trouble last time she was carting it around. Maybe Discord made it even heavier after he was let out the second time around? She’d have to ask him next time she went to Fluttershy’s.

As Rarity flopped down to the ground again, having moved Tom a mere two feet from where he was previously, Applejack couldn't help but comment on it further. “Y’know, Rare, the other girls are always gettin’ on me about goin’ in over mah head. Maybe they should start tellin’ it to you too.”

Rarity blew her mane out of her eyes from her prone position on the ground. She’d be spending most of the train ride in the bathroom fixing the mess this thing was helping cause, but she had to keep her goal in mind. Right now, that was getting this to Twilight’s in preparation for their little stunt. Small steps, she told herself. It’s never as bad it you keep things small. Bring it just a few more feet first, then worry about the rest of the distance.

She heard a mushing sound come from behind as Applejack noisily chewed on one of her apples, trying to wear Rarity down psychologically. As much as she’d like some help, it’d lead to questions, and she didn't want to answer questions right now. Thinking was hard enough by this point, and keeping her stories straight with everypony here could only get more difficult as she brought in more ponies. Maybe. She was certain she could have charmed a few stallions into carrying this without asking questions if she’d thought of it yesterday. Now all the promising candidates were asleep. Buck her shortsightedness.

Applejack finished her apple by the time Rarity had recovered enough to resume normal breathing. “So why yah dragging Tom out here anyway? Ah thought you got rid o’ him a while back.”

Rarity huffed before standing up yet again to continue her role as Sishoofus. She really wished AJ would stop pressing the point. “Twilight and I are heading up to the Crystal Kingdom, and this thing is going to be our luggage so the guards will be forced to use the train instead of the coach so she can pretend she’s still a normal pony. It is all perfectly reasonable, Applejack, and my troubles he-”

“Naaaaah.” Applejack did the best impression of Rainbow that she could. The little twitch Rarity gave her showed she hit the tone just right. “Twi could say she wanted tah take the train anyway. None o’ us could just convince her ah’ that. Yer good enough at calmin’ her, though, so ah’m thinking you wanna bring this ol lug”- tapping Tom with a single hoof -” along. So why’re yah so interested in bringin’ it, Rare?” The smugness in AJ’s voice was evident, as she knew Rarity would eventually give in. She just got to have a little fun before helping her friend, that’s all.

The first yellow flag went up when the magic field cut out around Tom. As she turned around to look at Rarity, the second yellow flag shot up when AJ realized that a long, seething hiss was coming the unicorn. All the red flags came up when AJ saw her eye was twitching. Not the usual “Exasperated Rarity” twitch, but the “Borderline Explosive Twilight” twitch. AJ gave a single gulp, and really hoped Rarity hadn’t also picked up on Twi’s temp-

“APPLEJACK!”

AJ locked up, and every pony in the marketplace watching the affair from a distance immediately sprang into defensive positions behind the nearest solid object. Those who were working instead followed suit mere moments later. Everyone began searching for the nearest object to use as earplugs as well, since Rarity’s tantrums were the stuff of legend in Ponyville, and they knew the stories by heart.

Applejack stared into Rarity’s eyes, a fire eerily similar to the one normally seen when she was designing dresses drowning out everything else in her vision. Helpless, she felt herself get picked up by magic and forced awkwardly onto her hind legs before being dragged over to Rarity, who had joined her in standing on hind legs only. It was a really awkward and terrible position, and AJ was hoping this wasn’t the start of some dev-

“WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER OF BLOOMBERG?”

Fear made way for confusion as AJ tried to figure out where Rarity was going with this. “Um, ah’m not really-”

“DO YOU REMEMBER WHY YOU BROUGHT HIM OUT TO APPLELOOSA? WHAT HIS PURPOSE WAS?”

Applejack tried to keep up as best she could. “Yeah, Appleloosa needed a starter crop fer-”

“BLOOMBERG HAD A MISSION. A SACRED DUTY WITH HIS FELLOW TREE BRETHREN TO BRING LIFE WHERE THERE WAS NONE, TO PROVIDE SUSTENANCE AND SHADE TO A PLACE LACKING IN BOTH, YET OTHER SUCH NOBLE GOALS EXIST, APPLEJACK!”

Rarity pirouetted, bringing AJ around to face Tom. “THIS IS A ROCK THAT HAS LIVED A HARD LIFE, APPLEJACK. THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL OR UNIQUE ABOUT THIS ROCK TO SEPARATE IT FROM ANY OTHER, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT HAS EARNED MY IRE FOR SERVING AS A PAWN TO THE DREADFUL CHAOTIC ONE, A ROLE IT COULD NOT CHOOSE. FOR STANDING IN THE WAY OF HARMONY ITSELF, IT HAS BEEN CONDEMNED TO A LIFE OF SUFFERING ETERNAL. YET THERE ARE FORCES THAT CAN REDEEM IT!”

Rarity spun around again, this time pointing AJ toward Rose’s flower stall. “IN THAT DIRECTION, MANY MILES AWAY, IS A MANIFESTATION OF HOPE AND LOVE ITSELF! A BEACON OF LIGHT THAT HAS GUIDED PONIES AWAY FROM SLAVERY AND DESPAIR INTO A WORLD OF PEACE AND HARMONY! I SPEAK OF THE CRYSTAL HEART! THE ONLY GEM THAT CAN SAVE TOM, THE ONLY ROCK WORTHY OF SOMEONE WHO HAS WEATHERED FATE’S UNKIND HOOF AND STILL COME OUT STRONG ON THE OTHER END!”

AJ was turned one last time, looking again at Rarity and her terrifying eyes. “THIS IS A STORY OF LOVE, APPLEJACK! IT IS ALWAYS A STORY ABOUT LOVE, AND I SHALL SEE THAT IT IS PENNED IF I MUST CARRY BOTH TOM AND HIS BURDENS TO THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE MYSELF! DO YOU STAND IN MY WAY, APPLEJACK? DO YOU STAND IN THE WAY OF LOVE?”

Rarity’s verbal assault had already destroyed several windows, and some of the flimsier stalls had collapsed as the sound rattled nails and glue loose from where they should have been. Being next to her the whole time, Applejack was little more than a sputtering mess. “Ah- Wh- No, I- Ah-”

Rarity finally dropped Applejack, and muscle memory alone kept her standing as Rarity directed her energy to lifting Tom several feet over their head. “YOU HAVE CARRIED OUT YOUR MISSION, APPLEJACK. IT IS TIME I SEE TO MINE. COME TOM, YOUR PRINCESS AWAITS!”

Rarity galloped away, Tom weaving dangerously in the air as he nearly impacted several buildings and a street lamppost while following her. As they both disappeared around the corner, silence descended on the market for the first time since Rarity had arrived. Many ponies began fixing the damage to their stalls and goods, while Glazier, not normally up for the next several hours, began sizing up the damage to the nearby windows for storefront properties in advance of being asked.

As Rarity galloped towards the library high on adrenaline, Tom drunkenly following behind, her inner critic remained lucid enough to evaluate her performance. Absolutely atrocious handling of the questions, it thought, and everyone would be talking about this for months. This was the entire scenario she had hoped to avoid! But, no one would dare ask her questions directly for at least a few weeks after the show she put on, and by then she’ll have figured things out and have a strategy to mitigate the damage to her reputation. Yes, everything is going to be just perfect.

Most of the stalls in Ponyville Market opened ten or twenty minutes later than usual. For the first time in almost eight years, when a late night weather mishap had flooded Sweet Apple Acres and carried the beds of everypony there several miles away from town, the Apple stand opened an hour late, with AJ at the helm. She dealt wordlessly with her customers as she waited for her hearing to return, and cursed the mischievousness she had picked up from Rainbow Dash over the past few weeks.

Author's Note

Hot-blooded Rarity should be in all the anime.

Center of the Show

This had been a fantastic idea! After Twilight and Rarity had arrived at the Crystal Kingdom station late in the afternoon, they’d found a coach waiting for them to take wherever they wanted in the city for the day. Twilight spent a little time in the library, Rarity got to tour some of the city’s iconic works of art, and they both got together in the evening to go on a massive shopping spree. It was largely for Rarity’s benefit, as most of the goods were various dresses and suits that she would be taking home to serve as inspiration, but they had stopped in at a legendary astronomer’s store to improve on Twilight’s personal observatory in Ponyville, and Rarity went out of her way to find several pieces of jewelry for Twilight to wear during Princess functions. She had turned down most of them, but Rarity was delighted when Twilight accepted the silver earring with sapphires cut to look like glittering stars in a night sky. Rarity had to admit, watching her blush at all the proffered gifts was helping take her mind off Sp- thoughts on the upcoming party! Yes, that was her main worry right now. Nothing else.

Those earrings were the only thing right with Twilight’s dress this evening. The purpose of the visit was ostensibly to introduce the new member of the royal family to the existing ones, and a few high-profile ponies from both the Kingdom and Equestria were in attendance. Rarity had successfully made small talk with the gathered power players in high society when Twilight had been escorted in to greet Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor. Her dress was picked prior to their arrival, and some capricious god had decided it would be in orange and green. Rarity had fortunately been spared from having to endure such atrocious coloring for long, as after a short formal speech from Twilight greeting Cadence and Cadence welcoming Twilight into the royal family, all three royal members had gone off into a separate area to converse among themselves. The rest of the party was just an excuse for the gathered ponies to rub shoulders for a while, and Rarity used the opportunity to further her business

As she set her sherry down on her impromptu table, another pony came from the crowd to speak with her. He was a fairly well built Earth Pony with fiery red coloring and a positively glowing blue mane. If you unfocused your eyes, he’d be easy to mistake for a moving flame. As he came closer, she took note of his cutie mark; a pick axe. A miner, perhaps? She could find and cut her own gems, but the gems mined in the the Crystal Kingdom were a step above those found anywhere else, so knowing a distributor in the area would be beneficial for her high-profile works. Figuring the playful approach would work best, she put on her best coquettish smile.

“Stopping by so late in the party, only after speaking with everyone else? You wound me, good sir.”

The stallion stood a couple feet away from her and let out a powerful laugh, causing her wine glass to move slightly. A few ponies glanced their way, but everyone was used to it by now. In a more reasonable level of volume, he responded, “I’m certain you know, m’lady, that the best is always saved for last. Might I be correct in believing you are the lovely Miss Rarity, proprietor of Carousel Boutique and superb fashion designer?”

He was better than most of the ponies she had spoken to tonight. He was more relaxed than the ponies that had approached her so far, and “m’lady” wasn’t something she had heard from anyone else. If this was simply an affection he used, he was good at hiding that fact. “You would be correct sir, and I must admit you have me at a disadvantage. May I know the name of the stallion that flatters me so?”

The stallion gave a broad smile as he offered his left hoof. “My name is Ruby Red, Miss Rarity, miner and cutter for the best gems you’ll find anywhere in the world.”

Rarity lightly tapped his hoof with hers. “A tall claim, Mister Red. Who has enough time to ensure they’re really the best in the world?”

Red gave a guffaw in response. “Simple. Anyone in the world will tell you the best gems come from the Crystal Kingdom. Anyone here will tell you I find and fashion the best gems. I stand by my statement. Though, I admit, I do have a problem concerning my work that I was hoping you could help remedy.”

This is quite enjoyable, Rarity thought to herself. If only all her business could proceed like this. “If I may hazard a guess, it is that not enough ponies know what you’ve just told me?”

Another laugh. The stallion sure was cheery. “Shaper than the diamonds I cut! A beautiful thing in a mare. Yes, Miss Rarity, that is indeed the case, as I simply haven’t had the time to start expanding my business in Equestria. I know your dresses reach a lot of important ponies over there, and I’m sure with your expertise you can highlight the quality of my work so that they’ll start reaching out to me instead of the other way around. Would you be generous enough to help a businesspony in need, Miss Rarity?”

Laying it on a bit thick at the end there, Rarity thought, but he easily took the title of best pony for tonight. Decent stallion, he was probably right about the quality of his work, she had been on his radar long before the party, and he could be charming without becoming overbearing. She’d find reasons to work closely with him in the near future. “I don’t any reason why I couldn’t, Mister Red. We’ll work out the details of both the work and the payment at a later date. This is hardly the proper place to conduct business such as that. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to stay and chat for a bit?”

This time there wasn’t a laugh. Instead, he gave a long, mournful shake of the head and let out a sigh. “I’m afraid I can’t, Miss Rarity. I said I’d saved the best for last, and I meant it. I need to be up bright and early for my work tomorrow, so I’ll be heading out at this point.” At this, the stallion looked uncomfortable for the first time tonight, and doubt flickered in his eyes as he debated something internally.

“Was there something else?” Rarity waited patiently, giving no sign she was standing on edge. Is he going to be the first to ask? Can she finally move to the second part of the game?

After a few moments more, the stallion shook his head, blue mane jumping everywhere. “It’s not that important, Miss Rarity. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

Rats. “I wish the same for you, Mister Red.” As he left the party, Rarity picked up the wine glass and sipped at the sherry. Eight mares, three stallions, one she couldn’t figure out, and not a single one asked. She supposed that her rising status made it difficult for anyone to broach the topic, but bringing it up herself would only ruin the mystery she was trying to build. After all, a mare doesn’t just give herself away.

Swirling around the fluid in the glass for a moment, she set it back down on Tom while she awaited the next guest. Maybe the next one will ask.

Author's Note

I wonder how many famous historical figures were in the Crystal Empire when it came back. I mean, wouldn't it be cool if you found out people were still crediting your work 1000 years in the future? Someone should write a fluff story on it. Or if there is one, link me to it.

Go Big or Go Home

The party had completely dispersed minutes before Celestia rose the sun to start a new day, yet Rarity was still too giddy to head directly to bed. Events such as this always energized her, and the wine had been enough to push aside her worries surrounding Tom aside in favor of the possible thrill of someone asking her to explain what she was doing with a giant rock. No one had asked - every pony in high society is expected to be a little eccentric, and it’s impolite to call attention to it - but she had hoped to play a little coy about it. After all, she had finally figured out her ingenious plan to ge-

Rarity bumped into an armored guard, forcing her rump onto the ground and making her pay attention to what she’d been doing the whole time. Apparently, she’d been wandering through the castle before bumping into a pony at a three-way intersection, too lost in her own thoughts to realize she’d left the ballroom where the event had been held after getting somepony to bring Tom back up to her room. She looked towards the guard to apologize for her rather unbecoming behavior, but the apology caught in her throat when she saw just who she had bumped into. It was none other than the newest Prince himself, Shining Armor.

Despite the surprise, Rarity was able to recover before Shining did. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Prince Armor, I should have been paying attention to where I was going. Did my horn nick your helmet at at, because it seems like a finely crafted set and it’d be terr-”

Shining waved a hoof to try as he interrupted her. “Don’t worry about it. Anything that could do that would also be strong enough to take out some of the walls here in the castle. I’m good at making this sort of stuff.” He gave a weak chuckle to try and diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. “Anyway, I figured I’d track you down since the girls were wondering where you were. Would you mind following me to the royal dining area?”

Rarity gave a nod, and fell in step next to the Prince as he led her through the castle corridors. “That’s very kind of you, Prince Ar-”

“Just Shining, please. As one of Twily’s best friends, you shouldn’t be using titles with either Cadence or I. Besides,” Shining gave a roll of his eyes, “the only Prince I’ve dealt with before was Blueblood, and I’m still really uncomfortable with us being related.”

Rarity gave a long shudder. “I understand perfectly, Pri- er, ‘Just’ Shining.” After his short laugh, she continued. “I was just about to say that you hadn’t needed to track me down yourself. I’m sure anypony here could have taken care of this.”

Shining gave a shake of his head. “No, I wanted to do this myself. Twilight and I haven’t been as close as we’d like for a while, and I think part of that needs to be that I take time to learn about the friends that are looking after her while her big brother is away.” He gave Rarity a smile and puffed out his chest. “After all, I set the bar pretty high, and all her friends need to measure up!”

Deciding to mess with him, Rarity offered up a quick response. “Well, I can assure you that when the time comes I’ll be sure to ask for your permission to wed her.”

She didn’t hide her mirth as the stallion tripped over his legs and hit the floor while sputtering, and she kept laughing as he managed to get up and eventually join her in the joke at his expense. After a minute or so, they were composed enough to keep moving towards their destination, with Shining noticeably more relaxed and casual in his demeanor as they chatted amiably about about Twilight’s adventures in both Ponyville and Canterlot, as well as a little about the duties of the Prince of the Crystal Kingdom. As the conversation turned towards Rarity’s work, Shining asked the question everyone else had avoided without any hesitation. “So why did you bring that rock to the party? I have to say, from what I’ve heard from Twilight, you don’t seem like the type of pony to do that spontaneously.”

Rarity tittered, though hearing that Twilight had told her brother about her sent a few alarms off in her head. “Well, you’re right about that. See, Twilight and I had a bit of a plan initially about it…” Rarity shared with him a shortened account of the girls’ lunch at the Ponyville Café, ‘...but since then I’ve decided on something a bit more, dare I say, grand for Tom.”

Shining looked towards Rarity with a cocked eyebrow. “The rock’s name is Tom?”

Rarity blushed, and after clearing her throat, steered the conversation away from that tangent as elegantly as she could. “W-well, that’s another s-story, and it’s not as important as this one since I’ll need your help for my plan. Anyway, I’d like you and Cadence to make an announcement that I’ve gifted the rock to the Crystal Kingdom, and it’ll be put on display next to the Crystal Heart. Simple enough, really.”

When no further details seemed forthcoming, Shining looked around to make sure no one was in earshot of them. Seeing that the hallway they were in was a long, straight one with no nearby doors or ponies, he put a leg up to stop Rarity so she could explain more. “That’s a pretty strange request, Rarity. I mean, we could do it, but you’ll need to offer more on why we should do this if you want Cadence and I to agree to this.”

Rarity smiled, fighting the urge to shift about nervously as she outlined her plan to somepony for the first time. “It certainly is a strange request, Shining, but after speaking with you for a while I’m certain you’ll enjoy the intent behind it.” Ignoring the fact that a frown was slowly appearing on his face, she pressed onward. “Tom the rock is nothing special. He is literally a rock that you could find anywhere. No gems inside, no magical properties that help wounds heal or pacify feral creatures, although it is heavier than you’d think, so you could always throw it at things you wanted to break. Like a rock.”

The frown on Shining’s face had disappeared, to be replaced by furrowed brows and a slightly glazed look in the eyes as he tried to puzzle out where she was going with this. Since he was unwilling to interrupt while he was thinking, Rarity continued. “No, Tom the rock is nothing special. Most things in life aren’t. That’s why we’re going to make him special by treating him as a rare and precious gift to the Crystal Kingdom.”

Shining had puzzled long enough. “You still haven’t said why you want us to do this. What is this actually going to do after we put him next to the Crystal Heart?”

This was the hard part, Rarity thought. She had to hope she’d learned enough about Shining from Twilight and her talks with him recently to her pitch would appeal to him. It all came down to this first part. “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I suppose you think that a lot of upper class ponies make a big deal about things that aren’t really all that important, right?”

To her relief, Shining nodded briefly, but he still hadn’t relaxed at all. “Sometimes. How is that related to what you’ve been talking about?”

She had it! She was excited enough now that she could barely control the sweeping gestures she was making as she spoke. “You see, we’re going to make Tom something that is a much bigger deal than he really is. Think of it as a neverending joke on the nobility! If you and Cadence say that Tom the rock is an important artifact that must be treasured and protected by everyone, they’ll believe it. Not only that, you can grow the legend at your leisure. Want to bring him on trips you make as a good luck charm. Go ahead! Want to commemorate a day in his honor. Everyone will eat it up! Tom is a rock, but with the right nudges he can be so much more to the right ponies. And the entire time, you and Cadence can laugh about the fact that you’re getting everyone to treat a rock like a national treasure. How does that sound for a plan?”

To her credit, Rarity had read Shining Armor correctly, and could see he was considering the idea. Still, he wasn’t quite sold on it. “Alright, I can see why I’d like this plan. I could talk Cadence into it too, I guess, but I’ll need to hear what you’re getting out of this. This is way too elaborate to just be a joke.”

“Well…” Rarity looked towards the ground for a moment and rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof, “I’d get a bit of a boost in my business. After all, if I’m gifting members of the royal family and they make a big deal out of it, then I’m clearly someone important to know. I admit, it’s a bit weak, but I may as well do something with this rock after dragging it up here. Bringing it back will be such a bother.”

Shining stared at Rarity for several moments, his expression and stance unchanging as he let his guard training help him discern the truth in Rarity’s motivations. Seeming content with what he heard, he relaxed his posure and turned to continue down the hallway. “Alright. I won’t make any promises, but I’ll see what Cadence thinks of this. If she agrees, I’ll help you carry it out.”

It seems Twilight didn’t tell him enough about her for him to know how wildly out of character this was for her. Glad to have avoided that possible hurdle, Rarity flashed him a smile as they continued on their way. “Thank you so much, darling. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of fun building up a rock’s importance and listening to what everypony thinks is so important about it. Although…” Rarity paused for a moment for continuing, “I don’t suppose you could pull a few strings to make sure Twilight and I still get to take the train back, could you dear?”

Shining gave a chuckle. “It will tax the limits of my genius and political capital, ma’am, but I can assure you I will see your request carried out if I must mobilize the entirety of the Kingdom to do so.”

Both of the ponies dissolved into a fit of giggles before turning their conversation back towards lighter topics, as they spent the next few minutes wandering through the halls before joining the Princesses in the dining area mid-food fight and starting the party anew.

Memories

Rarity spent her last day at the castle making sure all the fabrics, gems, and dresses she had bought up here were packed away in the appropriate bags for easy sorting when she returned home. The room was a sickening mixture of colors she was hoping would improve as more of the offending items disappeared into her luggage as she put them away. It was a habit that had grown on her from the time she’d spent with Twilight, but it did save her a great deal of time when she returned from a trip and served as an excellent distraction from any worries she might have, so she appreciated the ritual. Twilight was still busy with the letter she’d be sending to Princess Celestia about her trip when she got back to the library, so the day had been quite peaceful for her thus far, and judging from the rate she was proceeding down her checklist she expected to be done with her task sometime in the next hour and a half.

A gentle knock on the door brought her out of her musings. Thinking it must be somepony to bring her stuff down to the train station, she responded, “Come on in, dear. The door is unlocked.” Continuing with her examinations of her various bags and boxes, she heard the door open and close gently as a pony made it’s way over to her.

A voice came directly behind her left ear. “Do you still need a little more time to pack, Rarity?”

After years of maintaining a professional image in front of clients, she was happy to realize later that she only jumped one foot in the air before she shoved every one of her items, checklist included, into all her bags before shutting them all completely. “Princess Cadence! Wha-I mean, I’m sorry, Cadence, you startled me. What can I do for you?”

The offending alicorn had a hoof pressed to her mouth, hiding her laughter at Rarity’s reaction. “I’m sorry. You pick up some bad habits when you spend too much time around Aunt Celestia. I was just hoping to check in on how you were doing before it was time for you to leave.”

Rarity spared a quick glance at her mane, smoothing out a few misplaced hairs with a hoof, and took a deep breath to relax herself a bit. “Oh, I was just finishing up with all my packing, as you saw. I suppose I’ll check in with Twilight now that I’ve finished since I’m certain she’s overthinking her letter to Princess Celestia right now. That mare worries far too much over formal messages, I’m afraid.”

Cadence had wandered over to a nearby bureau as Rarity talked, and took a moment to adjust her crown in the three-fold mirror there as she spied on Rarity in the reflection. “That sounds like a good idea. I know she’s calmed down a lot since she was a filly, but she really needs somepony to look out for her so she doesn’t become her own worst enemy. However, I was hoping to talk with you a moment about the rock. Tom, right?”

Rarity stiffened a moment before she could force herself to stay relaxed. She turned towards her luggage and started moving items closer to the door so the carriers wouldn’t have to walk quite as far. “Certainly, Cadence. I know it came out of nowhere, and I understand that you’ll need to wait a few days before you make any announcement, but any quest-”

“I want to know why you really did this, Rarity.”

The luggage that Rarity was carrying wavered momentarily, but she otherwise gave no indication the question caught her off guard. “I know it seems strange, but it’s really not all that big of a deal. It was just a silly little thought I ha-”

“Rarity,” Cadence interrupted her yet again, “I’m not the best at reading ponies, but there are some things you can’t hide from me.” Cadence looked away from the mirror and started walking over to the unicorn, who had stopped moving entirely as she refused to look up at the alicorn. “Not from the Princess of Love.” When Rarity didn’t move, Cadence decided to continue. “I don’t know why you’re doing this - my connection to love lets me feel emotions, not read minds - but that’s enough for me to act.”

Rarity was biting her lip by this point, but since she was turned away from Cadence, the alicorn couldn’t tell. Not that the conflicting emotions she could sense weren’t enough for Cadence to tell she was affecting the unicorn anyway. “Look, I know I’m not the first pony you’d want to talk to about this, especially if you’re willing to keep it from Twilight, but maybe you don’t want to talk with your friends about it since they’d make more of a scene over it than you’d like.” The alicorn put a wing over the unicorn as she sat down, and brought her head closer to Rarity’s ear. “I don’t want to see Twilight’s closest friend fighting herself without any support, alright? We can keep this between us, and if you’d rather tell someone else instead, that’s fine too. As long as you don’t face this alone.”

By now Rarity had sat down as well, and was taking deep breaths as she fought back the tears she’d been trying to ignore this entire trip. She whispered, “It really wasn’t going to be such a big deal…” After several seconds of muffled crying following her statement, Rarity had enough control to finally talk to the waiting alicorn.

“We’re all going to die.” A bold statement for Rarity to start on, Cadence thought, but it was enough for her to know this was as serious as she thought. She drew a little closer to the unicorn as she let her continue unimpeded. “Some of us sooner than others. When we do, all that’s left of us in the ones who remain are the memories shared between us. Maybe that’s enough for most, but even those fade with time. And a few will have a lot more time than others. A lot more time to forget, won’t they?”

Thinking over who Rarity could be referring to, Cadence took a shot in the dark. “You’re talking about Spike, aren’t you?”

An almost imperceptible nod of the head was the only sign the unicorn gave that she heard the Princess. “It was during the lunch I had with Twilight back in Ponyville when it started to come to me. I was thinking over what I could bring over as a gift for Pinkie’s party for Twilight being an alicorn when she brought up Spike in her conversation. I don’t fully know how I made the connection. Something about alicorns, immortality, and gifts that don’t fade away, but for just a moment I thought to myself ‘Spike’s perfect gift is Tom.’ I was so surprised by the thought I just blurted out the name ‘Tom’ right in front of everypony. Since I couldn’t figure out exactly what I had meant with my thought, I just… came up with a different reason. Said it was about Twilight wanting to take the train instead of a royal coach. It just snowballed from there.”

Rarity had calmed down considerably in the time she’d been speaking, yet the tone of her voice hadn’t picked up at all from the dour state it had started in. Cadence chimed in, “But you’ve figured it out by now, right? Something about a gift for someone who will long outlive you. Something for them to remember you by.”

Another nod of the head. “He’ll be coming out of his teen years by the time all his friends right now move on. Barring Princesses Celestia and Luna, of course, but that’s hardly enough. He’ll want something to remember us all by, and…” she gestured over towards everything she had bought while up here in the Kingdom, “none of this will last long enough, assuming he can keep track of it throughout the years. No, if I want to leave a gift for him of our time now, it needs to be something that’ll last, something that can be protected without needlessly burdening him with trying to preserve his memories of us when he’s so young.”

It finally clicked in Cadence’s head. “You want Tom to be treated like a treasure so everypony after us will take care of it for him. A memento of your time together hiding in plain sight until he needs a reminder.” She furrowed her brow a moment as she thought further about the plan, though. “What about the Crystal Heart, though? Or the Tree of Harmony? There are still things already here that can help him remember the times he spent with you, far into the future.

Rarity shook her head, and her tone was surprisingly bitter. “That’s just me being selfish, I suppose. I want to give give him my own gift, something he’ll look at and remember only me when he does. I want him to know that I planned all this just for his benefit so he won’t ever forge-” Rarity’s words were lost as she finally succumbed to her tears, sinking to the floor as her sobs filled the room. Cadence laid down with her, pressing her side against Rarity as she let her self-loathing overcome what little defense she had remaining.

It was almost a minute before she started speaking again, tears still coming strong as she blubbered out all her words. “I’m not a terrible pony, am I? It’s just I don’t want to be alone or forgotten and I’m using his feelings towards me for my benefit, and that’s just so manipulative of me and I’m really just a fucking bitch that needs to crawl into a nearby gutter and d-”

Cadence’s horn lit up and the glow suffused the room, the calming magic in it gently silencing Rarity’s words and eventually her tears as well. Minutes later, as Cadence stopped her magic, the sound of sniffles was the only sound left in the room.

“You’re not a bad pony, Rarity. I know this,” Cadence said. “Even though we know that after we move on we can see everyone that went before us again, we worry about the impact we’ll leave on this world after it’s too late to affect it any further. In examining your friendship with Spike and how your friendship will affect both him and the world at large long after you’ve moved on, you’ve stumbled on those fears and let them get the better of you. There is nothing wrong with that.”

With Rarity still pressed against her side, the alicorn gave her a quick nuzzle. “You’ve shown forethought in considering the needs of someone who will live a life vastly different from yours. Tom might not have value like a rare historical document, or one of the dresses you make for your clients, but I know he’d trade the world for that rock when he knows the history behind it if he needed to. And if you ever think it isn’t a generous enough gift because you didn’t spend any bits on it, just remember that this gift involved rearranging a Princess’s travel schedule, shouting down a town that was getting in your way, bringing an object of questionable value to a formal event dedicated to royalty, deceiving the entire kingdom about the value of said object, getting a Prince and Princess to go along with your deception, and finally suffering an emotional breakdown from confronting some of your worst fears so large that one of the most powerful ponies in the land had to calm you down from it.” Cadence gave Rarity a smile, though the unicorn’s face was buried in her hooves and couldn’t see it. “This is no small gift, Rarity, and I’ll make sure Spike knows the full story someday.”

The two mares lied still for several minutes while Rarity recovered from her ordeal, each having got the important parts out of the way. Rarity had a growing blush on her face underneath her hooves as she thought over Cadence’s words. Sure, it sounds impressive when put like that, but it still didn’t feel like it. She also guessed Twilight must have heard her story to Applejack in Ponyville and told Cadence about it, because she was certain her voice didn’t carry up this far north.

There was just one last thing to clear up. “You won’t tell anypony else about this, right?” Rarity croaked. “It’s just that they don’t need to worry about this stuff yet, let alone worry about me for thinking about it so suddenly.”

Cadence nuzzled Rarity yet again, finally managing to bring her out of her hooves. “Well, I’ll be passing on some of the details of the plan here to my aunties. They’ll want to know about why I’m setting a rock up next to the Crystal Heart, after all, but only what they need to know to satisfy their curiosity. Besides, they can always share this story with Spike for you later on if you want - they’ll have plenty of time, after all.”

Rarity got a chuckle out of that. “Yes, I suppose that is the one thing they have plenty of. If he start’s worrying about it as we get older, I may tell him myself, but the idea is sound. Thank you for listening to me, Princess. I suppose I needed to talk to someone much more than I thought.”

Cadence tittered and smiled at the unicorn. “All that, and you’re back to calling me ‘Princess’? Here I was, thinking we’d bonded.” The smile dropped from her face for a moment as she considered Rarity seriously. “Can I ask you to be there for Twilight when she thinks about Spike’s future too? She’s panicked over it before as well, and while Aunt Celestia and I can help her when she sends letters to us, it’s better when someone is there to talk to her when it first comes up.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. She hadn’t been clear minded enough to think about it before, but it was obvious Twilight, of all ponies, would worry about how she was affecting Spike first. Rarity looked into Cadence’s eyes and spoke without a trace of levity in her voice. “I promise I will, Cadence.”

Knowing that she had Rarity’s focus, Cadence added, “Good. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the chance to get closer to Twilight too. Right, Rarity?”

The unicorn’s expression didn’t change in the least. “I have no idea what you mean.”

Cadence giggled. “I’m sure you don’t Rarity. How about we go check in on Twilight and see how she’s doing with her letter. She’s probably written at least two dozen of them by now.”

“Oh, much more than that, I’m afraid,” Rarity stood up as the alicorn did and, after a brief stretch to get her legs working again, started heading towards the door. “Did you know she spent three days working out her first address to Ponyville after becoming a Princess? I had to enlist a couple unicorns, Lyra and Minuette, to help me seal off the library while Applejack and Rainbow forced her outside to eat after Spike complained she leaving all his food untouched. We’ll be lucky if we don’t see papers taped on the wall as she tries to pull the best bits from each into a final draft!”

As Rarity told Cadence about some of Twilight’s most neurotic moments in her time as a Princess, complete with chuckles from the older alicorn at some of the more outrageous stories, Rarity felt herself truly unwind for the first time the entire trip. She was finally able to believe that this was a gift worthy of the time she’d spent with Spike thus far, for all it’s apparent uselessness. She’d give him another one at Twilight’s party, of course, and many more as time went on, but this one would remain hidden until he needed it most, long after the beautiful white unicorn was gone and the love-stricken dragon needed a reminder that his friends never forgot him, even after death.

Author's Note - Acknowledgements and Thoughts

I'm unsure whether this should be a blog post instead, but I'd rather not edit a blog post if this story is edited, and I'd still need to link the post in the story anyway in case people don't know it exists. I could also, y'know, put it in the author's note at the end of 'Memories', but I'd rather people subject themselves to this of their own volition. This just seems the best choice.

I'd like to give a shout out to Flanagan and Ariin. Flanagan is partly responsible for this, as we had a conversation on Skype that morphed into this. The conversation was 'crack fics', and since I keep my crack in-universe, my go-to for MLP is Tom/Crystal Heart. Of course, I had to figure out how they'd get together, so Rarity taking Tom up by train seemed a logical choice. Then, I needed to know why Rarity would take Tom up to the Crystal Empire. First thing that made sense to me was 'a gift for Spike'. Thus the initial promise of a crack ship went down in flames, and a story in which Rarity thinks she's a terrible pony replaces it. Progress!

Ariin helped a little bit with editing/proofreading for the story, and I do appreciate it. I hate seeing grammar/spelling errors in stories I read since they drag me out of my immersion, and I don't want others to suffer the same fate when reading my stuff. Hopefully everything is good right now, but I'll believe when at least 20 people say it's good on that front.

Everything past this is more about the story itself, what I hoped to achieve with it, and how I went about it. I'm an editor, first and foremost, and I feel like that comes with a duty to help people who actually wanna do writing seriously understand how to approach a story. Assuming this is any good, they can learn from my experience. Hopefully. In any case, I like over-analyzing things, so I'll enjoy this even if no one else does!

Oh, and if you don't want everything in the story explained, don't read ahead. Kinda obvious, but I know some people like a bit of ambiguity to their stories, and there won't be any left after reading this.

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I already said how the fic got started. Crack fic gone wrong. Most of the story was plotted out in the hour after I first had the TxCH thought. The result was a few paragraphs that outlines each character Rarity met and the reason she gave them for bringing Tom along. That's the core of the story - Rarity telling a different story to everypony she meets until we get the real reason at the end. When I *actually* decide to do a story, I always need to have a summary like that done before I start writing anything else. Without that, I sorta feel lost with what I'm doing, and it vastly increases the chance I'll lose interest and wander off to do something else, like play on Kongregate or do schoolwork. For any story you care about that'll be more than a few thousand words, I'd recommend something like that to keep you focused. As it was, chapter 3 was only intended to be a few paragraphs that would lead into chapter 4, with Shining Armor speaking with Rarity at the party instead of just running into her, but I wanted her to interact more with someone at the party. It's fluff, plain and simple, and doesn't fit the theme all the others do (more on that later), but I liked it enough to keep it. Maybe I'll go back one day to tighten it up. Who knows?

Since the core of the story was on the stories Rarity told, the conversation had to reflect that. I don't know how well it came across, but every conversation had a clue (of sorts) to what her real reason for bringing tom along was. Twilight's chapter had Rarity mention Tom after considering gift ideas and Twilight bringing Spike up, and Rarity was initially going to confirm Spike was on her mind before she backpedaled. At this point, even she's not sure what she meant when she yelled, so she's latching onto the first plausible reason she can until she has time to think things through. The part with AJ brought up that the story was all about love, and it is, in a way. I don't ship Sparity because of age/mental development reasons, but she still cares for him. Shining helps bring up the fact that many objects are only as valuable as we perceive them to be, which is why Tom is a good gift for Spike and no-one else, and Cadence... well, she helps lay out everything, so it's not really a clue, is it? Chapter 3 with Ruby is the oddball, unless I'm secretly a better writer than I thought and put in a clue I didn't even realize. It's the main reason I'd consider revising the chapter, since it doesn't fit the way it should.

Also, the whole 'clue' thing? I didn't plan it in the initial summary, and I wrote the first two chapters before I realized what I was doing. The ending went differently than I planned, too. My initial idea was Rarity just accepting her idea and rolling with it when she talked to everyone, but I know Rarity is the most flawed out of all the Mane 6, giving her the most potential to rise above it. Thus, I figured I could have her basic desire for attention and recognition taint her views on why she's doing this for delicious angst at the end (which gave me problems with the ending, but more on that later). Give yourself enough room when planning to just write freely, and you can surprise yourself in a good way.

Some of you may have picked up on my shipping tendencies in this fic. Did I intend any ships? No, other than the ships I set up specifically to mislead (RariTom and TxCH). Did they happen anyway?... yeah. I can't recommend shipping in a story not focused, on some degree, to romance, since some people are sticklers about it. Me, I'm fine with just about any ship, as long as the more unusual ones have depth behind them. Since this was more a fun project than anything else, I gently fanned the shipping flames (even if they aren't my favorite ships), but keep in mind your audience when you do write.

The ending was what gave me the most trouble. I wanted it to be a surprise, sure, but I also wanted to make sure it wasn't out of left field for anyone. That presented a dilemma - putting in clues had to be done in the earlier chapters, but that meant excising sections of those chapters or editing them to fit the new material being added. Also, the more I published, the less room I gave myself if I decided to add in more justification for the ending. Could I edit published stuff? Sure. Does it feel like a good habit to change canon so people have to re-read to get the full experience? No. To be honest, this entire story was finished before the first chapter went up, because I knew every chapter had good potential to impact how the ending was perceived. The only thing that kept it from being published all at once was a desire to give myself more time to make minor edits in the story before finalizing them. In the end, I figured 'good enough', and posted the rest after a few alterations.

If I come back to this story to refine it, I'll be sure to talk about it here as well, and possibly contrast what I thought here with what I think then. I won't pretend that there's any one way of doing the horse words, or words in general, but I'll say again that i hope you learn something about writing anyway. If you think this look into my mind is terrible and should be expanded, let me know in the comments and I'll expound on a topic as necessary. In case y'all can't tell, I like using lots of words, and any excuse to use more of them is a good one to me.