Chapter One
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The town of Ponyville was held in a sleepy silence that blanketed the residents. It was a serene sort of silence, one maintained by even the muffled rustling from the Everfree Forest as if the seemingly sentient woodland wished to enjoy the early-morning quietness.
It was mornings like these that really made Pinkie Pie smile. Strange considering how energetic the pivotal party pony could be, but contrary to popular belief Pinkie Pie has an appreciation for peace like this. Parties were reserved for celebration and amusement but were not the only source of it, as she had learned throughout the years.
The enjoyment of a good book or a nice cup of tea as you pet a little furry critter or the prospect of an excellent aerial trick. There were many ways to enjoy life, Pinkie now realizes to respect and understand them while maintaining her own explosive methods.
The sun was barely beginning to rise before Pinkie finally noticed how long she had been hard at work on this particular project of hers. She looked over the chicken coop to see that bright yellow ball tentatively peer over the horizon. The sight of it always made Pinkie feel warm inside (and not because of how hot the sun was either).
Today in particular the sun was looking very pretty, Pinkie wasn’t sure how a sun could look pretty but there are a lot of things that are pretty without question. A good cupcake, for example, could look pretty with pink icing or blue icing, it was something that Pinkie just knew in her gut. Something that couldn’t be scientifically broken down as Twilight might like it.
Pinkie Pie sighed fondly as she watched the sunrise, it only fueled her desire to finish this, just so she could make somepony else smile.
She looked down at the bundle of feathers she collected then at the brood of chickens that weren’t exactly happy to have their feathers plucked out so early in the morning.
“Sorry, Sir Clucks-a-lot, but your feathers are going toward a good cause,” she told one of the roosters with a broad grin.
Behind Pinkie sat a nondescript, unassuming pony-sized box with a decorative red bow on top. Yep, a good cause indeed.
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Princess Celestia stifled a yawn as her Head Servant, Sunny Day, brought her breakfast. It was a simple, yet delectable, meal consisting of hashed hay, scrambled oats with a side of fresh milk. So good that the mere smell of it woke the Princess up.
She had a late night, thanks to Princess Luna and her game of Magical Tag (a game where one is “tagged” with a random spell, one that Celestia lost after a transmogulate spell turned her into a frog) that ran well into the morning. She was so tired in fact that she nearly missed raising the sun. Sure, it was a task that Princess Luna could’ve easily handled had Celestia officially missed it, but it was also her responsibility.
She wouldn’t be much of a princess if she didn’t hold up her responsibilities.
“Is it to your liking, Princess?” Sunny Day asked with her customary sunny smile.
Celestia nodded, masking her fatigue with a small smile. Her ethereal mane laid in unruly clumps and awkward shapes, not unlike a furball. There were only a hoof-full of ponies that laid eyes on the royal mane in its disheveled form, a group so exclusive that jackets were made for its members (Celestia wasn’t sure if Twilight still had her jacket).
Sunny Day nodded before subtly letting in her hairdressers in. A squad of unicorns trotted inside, armed with magical brushes and other grooming tools.
“Alright ladies, looks like we’ve got a class 3 hair day,” remarked the leader of the group Pretty Mane.
Princess Celestia said nothing and attended to her breakfast while three ponies headed to her left side and the other three headed to the right in a tight military formation. Mane tending of the royal kind require a sort of Spartan decorum, one that Pretty Mane was more than happy to oblige.
The two groups took bundles of her mane to one side, careful not to pull too hard, and began their individual work on each part. First they worked to untangle the seemingly ghostly hair with some magic, then while continually magically enhancing the quality they brushed downwards in unison to maintain the magical cascading feature she was famous for.
Princess Celestia quietly ate her food and listened to Pretty Mane barking orders to her followers. She didn’t want to remind her faithful hairdresser that such a job was easily done with a little magic, but Pretty Mane insisted on doing this herself. Most of the tasks done around her could’ve been completed by either Princesses with ease, but these lovable ponies always wanted to do it themselves.
The apparent thought of the Princesses doing anything as mundane as mane maintenance was incorrigible and impossible to consider. It was sweet, but a little tiring sometimes, especially when they want to brush her mane 246 times exactly at a 30 degree angle, anything less is mutinous. Don’t even get Celestia started on the wing-preening group, they seem to have some sort of faction war against the hairdressers that resulted in a messy conflict two weeks ago.
It took Princess Celestia a week to get rid of the mane starch from her tail.
246 brushes later, Princess Celestia humbly finished her breakfast (as a princess should) and thanked the hairdressers.
“Sunny Day, what do we have scheduled for today?” Celestia asked. It was an unnecessary question, considering Princess Celestia knew fully well what was scheduled.
“The Griffins are coming over to settle a territory dispute,” answered Sunny Day as she consulted her clipboard. “The delegates of Manehattan need a final answer for their budget limit.”
“Tell the Manehattanites that what I had presented was fair,” Princess Celestia said.
Sunny Day nodded and noted the amendment down. Princess Celestia rose, levitated her crown to the top of her head and walked out with her faithful servant.
“There is also the issue with the ever expanding Everfree Forest,” Sunny continued. “They’re leaking out into the town.”
“Deploy the Containment Squad, they’ll be able to handle it,” Celestia answered without hesitation.
“Oh, and there is an issue with Discord as well.”
Princess Celestia sighed in annoyance. “What has he done now?”
“Well, it isn’t what he’s done, per se,” Sunny said with the slight tilt her head.
“Then what’s the issue?” Celestia turned to her unicorn companion to find Discord laying down on a lawn chair on her back. Thankfully he was magically enchanted so he wouldn’t crush Sunny but she looked incredibly annoyed by the spirit of disharmony lounging on her so casually.
“He’s bored,” Sunny answered.
“Discord,” Celestia said flatly, unsurprised to see him there. If there’s one thing that annoys Discord, it’s when you pretend he doesn’t exist. “What do you want?”
“Oh, my dear Princess. Having a good morning so far?” Discord coyly asked, twisting up Sunny’s fiery-red mane. Remarkable the young unicorn pulled her best indifferent expression and swatted Discord’s claw as if he were a gnat.
“Of course,” answered Celestia. “It was going fine until now.”
Discord’s eyes widened as a broad grin spread across his face. “Really? And why has it gone downhill? Is it because of me?”
His neck expanded like a snake making his head slither toward Celestia with an expectant grin. Celestia tried her best to mask her annoyance, it’s best not to encourage him.
“How could you possibly ruin my morning, Discord? It’s always a pleasure to see you.” Celestia strode away confidently, sure that Discord’s face fell (as in literally, his face went splat on the floor) with Sunny Day right behind her.
“Such a sweet talker!” cooed Discord as he materialized beside Celestia, floating two feet off the ground and keeping up with her stride. “What has gotten you in such a sickeningly sweet mood?”
Princess Celestia decided not to answer, wise to not feed the insistent troll lest he catch on and ruin her day further.
There were a million and three reasons why Princess Celestia was in a good mood, as it was every single day. But the millionth third reason would have to be Pinkie Pie visitation.
The other day Princess Celestia had to attend a dreadful party (sorry, social gathering) in Los Pegasus. These gatherings usually consisted of upper-crust ponies sticking their noses in the air with an overinflated sense of importance, eating miniscule portions of bizarre meals and spreading gossip like wildfire. The very thing Celestia detested but was forced to make an appearance for the sake of Canterlot, if she were more socially recluse she could take the mantle from her wonderful student, Twilight.
By some stroke of luck, Pinkie Pie had apparently dropped by the part—gathering.
“My Pinkie Sense brought me here!” she had explained with a broad smile. “And ooh boy was it a doozy! Twilight will need to take a week to wash the chocolate sauce from her mane, I don’t even know why she was mad about that. Chocolate sauce is great! I wish my mane was chocolate sauce, then I’d have a snack for any occasion!”
The local elites gave Pinkie a quizzical stare, almost glaring at the party pony with contempt. But once Princess Celestia began to smile and converse with her, they instantly changed their minds.
She had spent the rest of the party with Pinkie Pie, finding some difficulty keeping up with her high-energy train of thought. She somewhat reminded her of a certain mischievous spirit of chaos. But when it was over, Pinkie promised to meet up with Celestia soon so that they could hang out.
Some would find Pinkie casually inviting the Princess to hang out insolent or impudent, but she found it quite endearingly rustic. It had been a very long time since she took some time aside for fun. Other than complicated gambits and convoluted plans, there was little room for entertainment for her.
“If you want entertainment, I could easily provide it!” Discord disappeared in an extravagant puff of smoke and reappear some feet in front of her. He was dressed in a cheesy tuxedo with a ridiculous red cape, like a magician, with Sunny Day wearing a bright pink sequin dress standing beside him with an apple on her head as Discord was armed with several large knives. “It’s been a while since I’ve done knife-throwing, but it’s quite a lot like riding a bicycle don’t you agree?”
“Definitely not,” Celestia stiffly answered, levitating his knives away and not breaking her stride. “Oh, and stop reading my mind, Discord.”
“It’s not like I had to,” he sullenly muttered. “It’s written all over your face!”
Sunny Day grumbled, walking awkwardly in her suddenly acquired dress that would’ve made Rarity faint, and bucked Discord in the leg slightly. “Stop using me in your craziness, Discord!”
“You really do need better help,” Discord said, nursing his leg. “So violent.”
“Isn’t there something you should be doing?” Celestia asked. “It involves not bothering me and being at the other side of the castle.”
“I’ve wanted to talk to you about that, as well, your Royal Stuffiness.” Discord reappeared above Celestia. “You’ve got the great Discord, Master of Wackiness, Duke of Crazy, Lord of Chaos—“
“Sir Stupid-Head,” remarked Sunny Day.
“—Doing maintenance?! Cleaning up the lavatories? Puh, I say, puh!” A lovely, if somewhat revealing, maid outfit appeared on Discord’s body. “I am nopony’s maid.”
“A shame, you certainly have the figure for the uniform,” giggled Celestia.
Discord tried to look offended but was too busy studying his flank (does he even have a flank?) and shrugged in agreement. “Not something that could be said about you, eh, Sunbutt?”
Discord snapped his fingers and the same outfit appeared on Celestia’s body. Sunny blushed and looked away while Celestia tried her best not to show her annoyance. Conceal, don’t feel.
“No need to be jealous, Discord,” Celestia sniped, swaying her flank suggestively before levitating the outfit off her.
Sunny Day scoffed at Discord as she passed him, following Celestia closely to the main foyer. Discord may have been a pain in the butt, but in the months spent working her, Sunny has already figured out many ways to deal with the incessant draconequus.
Discord sat there seething for a moment before teleporting elsewhere, perhaps there was more fun to be had with somepony interesting.
He is so not interesting in some cheesy romance.
By the time Princess Celestia had arrived by the main entrance, there was a strange, yet simple, box sitting by the door. Equestria’s most famous mailmare, Ditzy Do, was sitting beside the box with a wide grin on her face as she inspected the castle with her wandering eyes.
Although it wasn’t explicitly stated, Princess Celestia figured out that Ditzy was ordered to sit by the box and not touch anything. From the broken light fixtures and the busted marble busts over in the corner and the two pegasus guards with exhausted expressions, it wasn’t too difficult to put together.
“Hello, Ditzy Do, how do you do?” Princess Celestia greeted kindly.
Ditzy’s grin broadened as she stood and threw off a punctuated salute (which somehow knocked over another bust that Morning Sun had to dive to save). “What’s up, Princess?”
“I seen you’ve been keeping my guards busy,” Celestia noted as the two sentries eyed Ditzy’s next move carefully.
“They’re really nice,” Ditzy remarked. “A lot nicer than Princess Luna’s guards, I didn’t even mean to flood the royal chambers.”
Princess Celestia nodded as she recalled that incident. It took a legion of ponies to clean up the mess from spreading into the city, the gorillas sure weren’t happy either, but it all worked out once Ditzy captured the parasprites.
“Of course, it was entertaining to see Princess Luna as a toad, but she didn’t appreciate my sentiments,” Celestia agreed. “But I see you have a package for me?”
Ditzy gasped. “How did you know? Can you read my mind? What am I thinking now?”
Sunny Day scoffed under her breath but kept her comments to herself. Celestia merely smiled and cocked her head slightly as if in thought. “Hm, let’s see… could it be muffins?”
Ditzy held her hoof to her mouth with a shocked expression. “That’s amazing!”
“One of the perks of being a princess,” Celestia agreed. “Now, the package?”
The walleyed pegasus nodded and gestured broadly to the box beside her. “Express from Ponyville, you wouldn’t believe how difficult it was getting it over here so fast. I dropped it in the lake twice! But it’s really sturdy!”
Princess Celestia studied the box. It was twice as big as Ditzy, nearly to Celestia’s full height and had indeed been worn down and weathered from the harsh journey, the edges were frayed, the top was torn up slightly and the bottom was more than a little damp. How a tiny pegasus managed to carry it to begin with was beyond Celestia.
“I see, who sent it?”
Then, the box exploded in a wonderful display of confetti. A massive banner shot out from the box and magically hung itself before them, in colorful words the banner read, “Princess Celestia is the best princess!”
Balloons floated from the box and populated the area in drones of dozens, a table unfolded and spread apart before them with a delicious buffet of tasty treats and delectable desserts, and finally, Pinkie Pie emerged from the box covered in chicken feathers. Well, covered, was a generous word, she was more feather than pony at this point.
Pinkie leapt out of the box with two pom-poms in her hooves and the feathers that covered her back protruded and elongated into make-shift wings. There was an ice-cream cone glued to her forehead as well, Celestia cleverly deduced that this was her attempt at being an alicorn, honestly, it was quite endearing.
“Goooooood MORNING, Princess Celestia!” Pinkie cheered as trumpets emerged from the box and began playing a victorious fanfare on cue. “And what a beautiful morning it is! All thanks to you, no, not because of you raising the sun (though, the sun is really pretty today as well) but because of your beautiful smile!”
“I think it was Pinkie who sent it,” Ditzy said proudly.
The guards blushed and looked away, Sunny Day sighed and noted the entry on her clipboard and Ditzy and Pinkie stared in awe as Princess Celestia smiled broadly, barely contained, and laughed under her breath.
Pinkie hoof-pumped and mentally noted the scoreboard to reflect this victory. She had spent all morning planning this and the trip here was pretty rough, but it was all worth it to make her smile. “Good morning, Princess!” Pinkie said, giggling as a feather tickled her snout.
“Good morning, Pinkie,” Celestia said back in that warm, sweet tone of voice that made Pinkie’s chest felt hot. “What an enjoyable way to acquire a package, perhaps all correspondence should be delivered like that.”
Sunny Day began writing that idea down but Celestia patted the unicorn on the back. “I was merely jesting, Sunny.”
Sunny nodded and erased what she wrote. “Ma’am, you have your meeting in a little bit, I suggest we go now.”
Princess Celestia looked over Pinkie who began to clean herself up and wrap everything inside the box for easy disposal. It certainly would be a shame if Princess Celestia left Pinkie after the mare had worked very hard and endured a harsh journey just to greet Celestia, all to do some boring work.
“Indeed,” agreed Celestia. “Pinkie, would you like to come along?”
“Would I?!” Pinkie said, bouncing up and down like a hyperactive firecracker. “That would be awesome!”
“Excellent, Sunny Day, Pinkie Pie will be joining me today, if that’s alright.”
Sunny Day grumbled something about messed up schedules but nodded anyways.
“Ooh, can I come too?” Ditzy asked.
“No!” shouted the guards.
Ditzy looked hurt from their outburst so Celestia approached the mailmare and wrapped her wing around her, whispering softly into her ear, “While I would enjoy your presence as well, Ditzy. Your job may take precedence, right?”
Ditzy gasped, “You’re right! I’ve gotta go, nice seeing you Princess!”
The mailmare zoomed off from the castle with speeds that would even impress Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia looked over to where Ditzy was and noticed her mailbag was still there. Turning to Pinkie and Sunny, Celestia smiled again, “Perhaps we should get a move on. I feel as though this area will be experiencing… trouble.”
She didn’t wait for an answer and strode inside just as what sounded like a sonic boom hit the castle. The pegasi guards looked up just as Celestia and her company reentered the castle to see a blonde and gray streak speed toward them at frightening speeds.
Author's Note
Whoops. I thought this had been submitted years ago, apparently not.
Oh well, enjoy!
