Months ago, I made a terrible mistake; one that I wish to never replicate.
Now I sit here, writing in this diary for no apparent reason other than to organize my own thoughts and feelings.
I still can’t believe I actually did that to her. I slept with her best friend. I can’t believe I slept with him, much less on the very same night as her biggest album release.
I can’t believe it.
This is the reason I shouldn’t drink. I can’t control my emotions or my actions. I do everything for the moment and ignore the repercussions of whatever I do. I’ve drank a lot since then, only because It makes the pain go away. It lightens my burdens and creates a fog between me and myself. I hate feeling like this; whatever it is. It hurts.
I’ll admit; I did find him attractive and I knew he had feelings for me, but I had no intentions of making any move towards such a futile endeavor. I was curious about him. Having listened to Vinyl boast about how good his music is and how talented he was.
I wanted to meet him. To meet who Vinyl was always talking about. When I finally did meet him, Neon lights, he was kind of sweet. He didn’t have any respect, but he was sweet.
Neon and I had shared several conversations in that short time we knew each other, some about music and some about life. I won’t lie; it made me happy to have a friend to talk to. Someone who could relate to some of my work related issues. I found it fun to just talk to him, it made me feel a little less lonely.
This may have been my own downfall.
That night at the club. I saw him being swarmed by mares, all of them engrossed with their ambitions and driven by hormones; I was jealous. I don’t know why I was jealous. I mean, I had Vinyl, which was the mare every stallion and mare wanted. I was lucky. I had a great job with the Royal Orchestra as one of its council members and event coordinators as well as its lead Cello player and even a member of a band. I had it all, but I let my emotions run rampant.
Those who I knew and those who I played with have probably wondered where I’ve disappeared to by now. It’s been near two or three months since I fucked up my life.
I sighed closing the book and laying my quill in its particular spot next to the inkwell before opening the bottom drawer. Looking into the empty drawer, its darkness reflected my own depression and emptiness. Closing my eyes, I dropped my diary into the darkness and slammed the drawer shut.
After a moment of holding back my tears, I opened my eyes again. The first object that fell into my gaze as my eyes refocused was a razor blade which sat untouched under the light of a candle.
An image of Vinyl appeared in her mind and the tears began again forcing her face to twist and warped into that face. The last time I had seen her. The last time I’d seen Vinyl Scratch, she was disappearing into her studio as I walked into the house. Vinyl paused with a look of disgust on her face before slamming the door behind her.
I reached forward and gripped the razor between my lips and positioned it between my teeth, moving it near the back of my right hoof. My eyes focusing on a small plot of light gray fur just above my ankle. A disappointed Vinyl appeared most prominent in my mind.
Squeezing my eyes closed in an attempt to fight back the tears, I lowered my muzzle. Feeling the cold steel push past my fur and one end of the edge press against my skin.
Pain flowered as the razor sliced through my skin with ease. I bit my bottom lip hard and felt tears follow the wet trails down my cheeks. After the blade left my skin, my eyes cracked open, bringing the blood-covered razor into focus. The blood slowly crept towards the lower end of the blade before rhythmically dripping onto the desk.
Looking past the razor at the blood-stain that bloomed around the fresh wound. I closed my eyes again, feeling the pain pulse outwards from the cut. Vinyl’s disapproving eyes opened in my mind accompanied by her voice, “Tavi… How could you?”
I quickly stabbed one end of the razor into my skin. I could feel it as it passed seamlessly through my skin. This time, a mixture of distant pain and foggy ecstasy. My mind spun as a fog began to fill it. My pain began to fade away though its presence was persistent. I look down at my ankle as the blood began to drizzle around my ankle to form a pool on the desk.
My eyes focused on another patch of fur just a little below the other two cuts. I bent my neck and slid the razor through my skin again, leaving a bloody trail through my fur. I couldn’t feel any more pain and a fog flooded my mind. I just dropped the bloodied razor onto my desk and stood; I turned and walked around my bed to the nightstand that only had a few things scattered on its top. One of which was a glass with a little water remaining in it. I’d gotten the glass of water the night before because of a nightmare.
Reaching into the top drawer, I pulled out a small bottle of pills: sleeping medicine. Popping the top off of the bottle and dumping them into my mouth. Feeling the pills begin to stick to the top of my mouth and tongue, I quickly swallowed a mouthful of water to help chase the pills down.
Leaving the glass and pills on the nightstand, I rolled onto my bed and looked at the ceiling as if it were ready to give me some sort of solace. Of course, it couldn’t. No matter how much I wished I could be helped, it wasn’t worth it for those around me. I fucked up my life and there were no other options.
I closed my eyes, letting the medicine take control of my body. I took a deep breath, knowing, it could be the last one I could ever take while awake.
The darkness filled my mind and just before I could fully lose consciousness I could hear Vinyl’s voice echoing in my mind.
“Octavia!”
Walking home from work, all I had with me was a scarf and my saddlebags which were filled with paperwork and lyrics. Looking up ahead I could see home and I couldn't help but wonder if Vinyl was there. The last time I saw here was her leaving the bar to go to her spot behind the DJ table in her club.
The house had come into full view and the first thing I noticed was that my studio windows were open. a sad song leaking from it. It sounded so familiar but I wasn’t close enough just yet to know which song was being played. Obviously, someone was in my studio.
Images of thieves and bandits passed through my mind, snooping through my belongings and touching everything they could get their greedy hooves on, guestimating the prices of her prized instruments and other stuff. As I came to stand in front of the building; I recognized the song.
The song that echoed from my studio was called By the Moonlight. It was the song Vinyl and Neon Lights had sat in and listened to. They were the only ones to ever hear it.
Damnit! If that's Neon I'll- I'll-
I opened the door and entered the building. I sighed and walked slowly through the living room to stand in front of my studio, knowing who was probably in the room.
There's no chance that it's Neon behind this door. He didn't have the capacity to play that song, and considering that I have all my pieces to go with it, the player must have heard it and was going by memory... Only one mare has an ear for music finely toned enough to remember such a song.
I sighed, cracking the door and slowly pushing it open, I stepped in. Seeing Vinyl Scratch laying in the middle of the room, her back towards me. My prized cello stood alone encased in a neon blue aura. The cello was playing the music while Vinyl had her head bowed in concentration. Being a symphony-length song, it would be nearly thirty-five minutes at minimum.
After a rather entrancing five minutes, Vinyl brought the song to an end. The cello laid itself down and I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I wiped my eyes clear, sniffing a little as my nose began to run. Vinyl suddenly stood spun around, misery filled her wet and matted eyes. Her glasses couldn't hide her feelings from me.
"Why?" She asked, not wanting to waste time.
"I don't know..." I answered, I truly didn't know. I didn't even want to know why I did what I did.
I watched as Vinyl squeezed her eyes closed before opening them wide with a sudden burst anger. Pure devastation filled those eyes. "Why did you do it? On that night, why!?"
"I don't know, Vinyl! It just happened! He said we were Friends and we were talking about that song. Next thing I know, we're staggering through our living room!" My legs began to go weak underneath me.
"I barely remember leaving the club!" My legs gave out and I crumpled to the floor. Tears pouring from my burning eyes, I couldn't look up at her so I found myself focusing on a crack between floorboards.
"Where have you been?" I whispered quietly, breaking the silence that hung heavy in the air.
Vinyl's voice carried an edge as if it were hard for her to speak to me. "I went down to Ponyville to try and clear my mind. I've slept once in the past three days."
Hearing the pain in her voice made my stomach churn and my heart twist. It felt like I was being suffocated. It hurt knowing just how much pain I had caused.
Vinyl's hooves echoed as she walked towards me, it didn't take her long to come to a stop just inches from where I was laying.
"Vinyl, I'm not sure..." I whispered without thinking.
"Not sure about what?" She asked with an unmistakable trimmer in her voice.
Summoning what little energy I had left, I looked up at her for a moment. My reflection shined in her glasses. "I think we should take a break, I need time to recover from this. I have no problem with us being roommates, but we need to take a break. You've just lost your musical partner, and well, I lost my pride."
I couldn't look at her anymore, so I looked out the window, watching the clouds as the pegasi prepared them for a light rain. My voice was gone and there was nothing else to be said.
Vinyl sighed, "Fine." I could tell by her tone she had a lot more to say but instead, she stepped around me and left the room.
A door slammed closed on the other side of the living room. All I could do was sit there and wallow in my own misery.
Finally, after several agonizingly long minutes, I stood up, locked my cello's case and placed it back where it belonged. I had no intentions of playing it or anything else.
I curled up in the center of the room, where Vinyl had been laying when I first entered and cried until sleep consumed my mind.
The first thing I felt was the pulse of a headache as I began to awake from my dreamless sleep. The second thing I felt was the ache in my muscles from sleeping on a hardwood floor. The third thing I felt was the spear of pain that pierced my heart as I remembered why I was sleeping on this floor.
The loneliness filled me from the tip of my ears to the end of my tail. I missed us already.
A cold breeze blew through the room, chilling my bones as it roughly played with my mane. I stood, grimacing at the tight stiffness that had gripped my legs. I don't wanna move...
My stomach growled angrily demanding food. So I stood, immediately being struck back down by a wave of nausea. When was the last time I ate?
I sighed and forced myself to stand, I opened the door to my studio and stepped out into the living room. Vinyl was sitting on the couch watch a movie. She didn't look acknowledge me like she usually would. Her eyes stayed focused on the television.
I silently sighed and walked towards the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway I cocked my head and looked over my shoulder to see the back of Vinyl's head. "Hungry?" I asked as calmly as I could.
The only response she gave me was the increased volume of her show. I nodded and entered the kitchen, suddenly not hungry anymore. I was going to eat anyways, I needed to. So, I prepared myself a carrot filled salad and went back into the living room.
I was going to sit in one of the chairs that sat caddy corner to the couch, but the room held a very uninviting feel, so instead of sitting down I went back into my study and sat at my desk.
What am I supposed to do? I can't even go near her now. We're so far apart. She's so far gone. She'll never be mine again...
I poked my salad with my hoof not feeling as hungry as I had been. I slowly began to eat, feeling the bland flavors turn to paste in my mouth.
After choking down a few more mouthfuls, I looked at my nearly full bowl in disgust. I stood, picked it up, and left my studio. In the living room once again, Vinyl hadn't moved from her spot on the couch.
"Hey, umm... Vinyl? Are you hungry?"
"No." Was the only answer she gave me. Defeated, I walked into the kitchen and just sat the bowl on the counter.
I looked around the room and my eyes rested on a knife handle which stuck out of a block of wood. I didn't linger for long, my eyes shifted towards the windows, it was dark outside, but the clouds had been put to use and moved out of the way. The stars shone brightly as diamonds.
Leave the kitchen, I could see Vinyl still sitting on the couch. I sighed and walked passed her. "I'm going for a walk. Want to come?"
"I'm good. Have fun, Hun." Vinyl answered absently and probably out of habit. Before stepping out the front door, I glanced back to see Vinyls expression shift, a look of pain and confusion flooded her eyes and tears began to roll down her cheeks.
Fighting the urge to run in there and comfort her, I opened the door and left. It was dark outside, not a soul in sight, and nothing more than the sound of the wind. Canterlot was a busy city but by this time of night, all the ponies would be at the bars and clubs.
Perhaps I could use a drink...
I started down the road towards a nearby bar called, Unstrung. From the outside, this place could be mistaken for an abandoned building, being a smaller place stuck between two large apartment buildings. A group of ponies stood in front of the place smoking cigarettes from what I could see.
I walked passed them and a white pegasus mare cocked her head towards me, "Hey, I know you from somewhere, don't I ?"
"I don't think so," I answered politely, before turning back towards the door. With a second thought, I turned back to her. "May I have a cigarette?"
One of the stallions laughed, "A pretty mare like you smokes?" He reached into his saddlebag and withdrew a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out of it and gave it to her.
"Yes, I've smoked before. Though I had quit this habit a long time ago." She put it in her mouth and accepted the lighter the unicorn held out for me. The cigarette lit as I inhaled, I closed my eyes, feeling a faint fog cloud my mind for an ever too brief second.
The stallion put his lighter away. "So what's a pretty mare like yourself doing in this part of town? You know these aren't the safest parts, right?"
I took another drag and nodded, "I could ask the same of everyone here. Though we all have our own reasons, mine is a simple quest for intoxication."
"So you’re just here to get drunk and go home. Right?" He laughed and so did a light blue unicorn mare.
I sighed and took another drag off my cigarette. "Not quite."
The mare finally spoke again, her long silver and white mane hiding part of her face and one of her eyes. "Wait, so you’re not here to get drunk, but you're here to drink? Isn't that a bit of a waste?"
"I knew I recognized you! You're Octavia Melody, one of the richest music producers in Equestria! Of course, you have the bits to waste in a dump like this." The stallion said sticking his dark blue muzzle in the air.
I took a drag off my cigarette, ignoring the insulting tone of voice. "If it suits you, I can just take my leave.".
The blue mare shoved an elbow into his side and looked at me. "if you'd like, I can join you."
I took a drag and nodded. A little company won't hurt.
"Hey," said the dark blue stallion chuckled, "Maybe you'll get lucky, Trixie."
This earned him a hoof to the knee and a deadly glare from the unicorn. "You're one to talk Mr. I-left-my-bits-in-my-other-saddlebag. Seriously, I've paid for every drink you've had tonight, Alister."
A white pegasus mare stepped forward just as Alister opened his mouth with a comeback readied. "Alister. Trixie's just messing around, but there's no reason to tease her like that."
Alister grumbled, pulling out and lighting another cigarette. Trixie's newfound smirk suited her facial feature well as if she'd done it many times before.
"Thanks, Parish. Alister's really starting to get on my nerves tonight." Trixie said with a sigh.
Trixie looked at me and I shrugged in reply before nodding my head towards the door. "Shall we?"
Trixie nodded, "Parish, want to join us? Or are you going to stand out here with this stallions all night?"
Parish shook her head, her long straight burgundy red mane flailing in the darkness. "I'm actually going to go home now. Gotta be awake fairly early in the morning, and honestly, I don't know how straight I can fly so I've got a long walk."
"Well, it's been a pleasure, Ms. Snowfall," Trixie said with a smile.
"Please, just Parish.Talk to you later!" She said returning Trixie's smile. She turn and began walking away.
"Night, Parish!" Shouted one of Alister's friends.
I saw Trixie cock her head back, just as Parish walked under a street light. She licked her lips as the white pegasus was illuminated by the light.
"Umm, Trixie, Right? You ready? I'll pay." I turned and walked to the door, not giving any attention to rather or not they were following me.
I entered the bar and sure enough, it was nearly empty inside. Trixie had appeared next to me and pointed her horn towards the far end of the bar, nearest the booths and a backdoor. A light jazz filled the bar from hidden speakers in the ceiling. It was relaxing. It was quiet.
Trixie and I made took the last two seats at the bar just as the bartender acknowledged us. “What're ya wantin’?” he questioned while washing out a tall glass.
“Trixie will have an Everfree Fantasy!” She answered with a cheerful billow as if she were speaking to a mass of ponies. She paused, gave two innocent coughs as if she were clearing her throat. “What will you have?”
“I want a Silver Berry Blast,” She said, recalling the last drink she had shared with Vinyl. She glanced at Trixie, “What’s an Everfree Fantasy?”
Trixie laughed, “It’s a drink from this place down in Little ol’ Ponyville. It’s supposed to be a club secret, but there are a few bars here in Canterlot who serve it. Though… They jacked up the price of it by a bit.” Trixie’s cheeks began to glow as if she didn’t mean to say that.
I shook my head, “And, just how much is one of these drinks?”
Trixie shrugged and quietly whispered the answer, practically to herself. “Not much, Not much, forty-eight bits… They’re twenty-two down in Ponyville, but that club is kind of hard to get into if you’re looking for trouble.”
My eyes must have bulged or something because the bartender hesitated when he placed the drinks between us. Hers standing tall and red with a thick strawberry slice wedged onto the edge of the glass. Mine being just a short cup only a quarter full of a sparkling silver whiskey.
I looked at the bartender. “May I have it filled properly?”
The bartender gave her a smirk, “That’ll up the cost.”
“How much is this as it sets?” I asked curiously.
“Ten bits.”
“Okay, you fill this glass for me and I’ll pay you thirty-five. Sound good?” I looked at Trixie who simply gawked at me in return. Without breaking my composure, I looked at the bartender, “We have a deal?”
He smirked, “A pretty mare who can beat me at my own game. How cleaver.” Grabbing the bottle, he topped her glass off. “For both drinks, that’ll be ninety-two bits.”
“How about this ruby instead?” I reached into my bag and drew out a bag of bits, reaching in, I pulled a fair-sized stone out.
“Sorry, I don’t take gems. Bits only,” he answered, bluntly.
“Fine, just take the whole sack,” I said, dropping the gem back inside it. “Just go away.” He smirked and grabbed the bag, disappearing through a door behind the counter.
Trixie looked at her, “Wow, you just gave him all your bits?”
“Of course. How else was I supposed to pay for these drinks.” I closed my eyes and took a sip of my drink. Holding my breath as I did so. I learned last time, its bark is much worse than its bite.
Trixie didn’t respond but instead took a drink of her own. Her eyes squeeze closed and she puckered her lips before taking a deep breath and exhaling with pleasure. "So worth it."
"So worth what?" I asked her curiously.
"So worth stealing this recipe and selling it to bar owners across Equestria." Her eyes gleamed, "You know because Trixie is totally capable of such magical feats!"
She began to laugh and when I didn't join in with her laughter, hers stammered off to a half-hearted and awkward chuckle. I watched as Trixie took a hasty drink and began coughing uncontrollably, this made me smile. I've only seen Vinyl do that too many times.
"Does Trixi-" she bursts into another coughing fit.
"Does Tr-" a few quieter cough left her lips.
"Try taking a deep breath and giving one good cough," I suggested mildly, still smiling. I took a drink of my whiskey and watched as she did as I instructed.
"Does Trixie amuse you with her pain?!" She nearly shouted, finally getting her question out.
"Hey, can't blame me because you choked on your own drink. And yes, you've amused me." I smirked as she turned dark red.
Trixie snorted but didn't respond. Then I saw her glance at me, or at something behind me, there standing in the doorway was Alister and his gang. They wasted no time making their way across the room to the two of us.
"Hey Trixie, looking as flush as usual. Gotta say, for being a criminal, you're quite good at shouting your own name."
Wait, was Trixie telling the truth? I cocked my head back to see Trixie open her mouth but then closed it, wave her hoof at him and take another drink of her Everfree Fantasy. Afterward, she bit the strawberry slice and dropped it into the glass.
"Okay, what's with the strawberry? I thought it was decorative," I asked quietly.
"Well, the strawberry reacts with this special kind of vodka. See how the drinks fizzing up? That's it literally hanging drinks. Only a unicorn can make this vodka." Trixie smiled and watched the drink slowly come to a standstill again before taking another drink. "Without the strawberry sitting at its bottom, the drink tastes like a mixture between raspberries and watermelon. While after you drop it in, it tastes like a banana strawberry smoothie, though it also gains a bit more bite."
Alister finally had a beer in hoof and has taken the seat next to me, opposite of Trixie, the other two stallions had taken control of the nearby pool table. "Eh, Alister, I kind of find it funny that you of all stallions would be able to put a name, face, and music together just by simply seeing me in the light of a street lamp. Care to explain?"
"No." Was all he said as he took a drink of his beer, "You owe me an answer first, I asked why you were here while we were all outside. So?" He smirked at me as if he had more reasons than just curiosity.
How dare he!
I didn’t care who heard this one. I needed to release some stress, and unfortunately for this annoying little unicorn, he would suit well for an outburst. “Do you really want to know why I sit here with this much whiskey and no chaser? Do you really care what sort of tragedies have befallen me?" Pausing briefly to catch my breath, I didn't give him a chance to speak. My body felt hot and my eyes burned. I could only hope my voice didn't sound as desperate as I felt.
With little to no hesitation and not wanting to give him a chance to recover from his state of shock, I continued."Does it suit you? Does it turn you on? Better yet, Why does it matter to you what the hell has happened in my life!"
"Calm down, Octavia. What's wrong?" asked Trixie from somewhere far off behind me, at least from the sound of it. A moment later a hoof touched my shoulder and I turned back to look at Trixie.
My mind reeled back on itself, tears began to stream down my face. "Sorry..."
Trixie took a drink and looked her, "Alister? Don't worry, she doesn't mean it."
I heard him snort and him drinking his beer. He sighed but didn't say anything.
Trixie looked back at me, "So what's the deal? Why you here?"
I exhaled quietly and took a good size drink of my whiskey. "I did something I shouldn't have and the repercussions of it are destroying me."
"Wow, deep," she replied. "Trixie is curious. Perhaps Trixie can help you to feel better."
Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't talk to anyone except Vinyl about my problems. Above that, I certainly wouldn't be caught out in this little podunk place. Feeling defeated I crossed my hooves on top of the counter and rested my forehead on them.
How would Vinyl handle this? ... TV, right. Hmm, Can I trust Trixie?
"Well..." I began still unsure of rather or not I should say anything at all.
"Octavia, venting your frustrations may be one of the easiest ways to better your situation. I promise I won't tell anyone." Her voice was low and reassuringly.
"Okay... I'll trust you, Trixie. You had better keep this between us. I would normally never even consider confiding in someone I barely just met."
I took another good size drink, letting it's warm courage take hold of my mind. "Only about four days ago. I cheated on Vinyl Scratch. The mare of my dreams and the only one I will ever love." I paused to try and fight back the tears.
Trixie spoke up, "Wait, you cheated on Vinyl Scratch? With who?"
"A stallion named Neon Lights. He skipped town the morning after because I told him that if I ever saw him again, I would mutilate him and watch as he choked on his own jewels."
"Wow, talk about brutal." Came a voice from behind me.
I spun around and glared at him, say a word of what you just heard and I'll..."
"You'll what?" He asked without even flinching.
I didn't know what to say so I turned back to my drink and emptied the glass, "I'm leaving. Bye."
I stood and as I trotted past Alister, I saw him snicker and look towards Trixie. I glanced back to see her looking at him with a devious smile spread across her lips. I sighed and left the bar, knowing that they wouldn't keep their word.
The whiskey began to take effect, making me stumble to one side as if I had just been hit by a passing cart. Using one foreleg to prop myself up I screamed out of frustration.
"All I wanted was to go to a bar, sit by myself, and drink until I couldn't feel anything!" I shouted into the darkness surrounding me.
Lowering my voice, "but nooo, of course, I'd have to bump into a group of crooks, and, of course, I'd be so vulnerable, so naive... Why am I so desperate to talk to someone?"
The question rang out like a sour note. Why am I so desperate?
My leg gave way and I slumped against the building. My flank and shoulder landing hard against the cold brick. I slid down until I was laying flat on my belly. I laid my head on my hooves and a few tears began to escape my eyes.
A fear gripping my stomach,What if this were my punishment? What if I was meant to be betrayed by some random unicorns for having betrayed my dearest and closest friend? So now what? Should I go and talk to Vinyl?
I slowly stood up, my knees shaking, and my head spinning, I began to walk home. I wasn't too far from it, but every time I stumbled or fell my knees just wanted to buckle and keep me on the ground.
Eventually, I made it home. I sighed and opened the door, I had decided that I needed to talk to her and try to mend this insane situation.
Opening the front door, I stepped inside and the television turned off. As I entered the living room I saw Vinyl, she stood and walked towards her studio as if I were invisible. Finally, as she went to close the door, our eyes met and a look of pain and depression filled her once joyful eyes.
I sighed, and quietly walked to my own studio. I closed the door behind me and took a seat at my desk.
I retrieved my journal from the desk's too drawer as well as a quill and ink well. I opened the book to the proper page, and dipped my quill into the ink, ready to write something. Even though I hadn't a clue of what to write. I shrugged and started to write.
I can't help but remember when Vinyl and I had first met. It was at a prestigious charity event that encompassed all the big names of Canterlot. Everyone was there. I remember meeting Vinyl at the bar and I ordered my usual drink, an Old Fashion. The bartender was blessed with a job that she clearly hated, though she wasn't bad looking, her attitude needed some adjusting.
Vinyl was first to speak and I couldn't help but scold the bartender on how poorly she was performing her job. It wasn't a hard job. Make drinks, smile, and get the rich ones drunk enough to throw money at a somewhat questionable charity. Not hard.
After some small talk and a couple more drinks, me on Old Fashion and Vinyl on Manehatten, we decided to escape to a balcony which overlooked the starlit city of Canterlot.
I smirked at her and withdrew my old gold cigarette case which Vinyl rolled her eyes at - until I opened it and drew out a long thick joint.
Vinyl smiled back at me with such anticipation. Vinyl's smile back then was filled with joy and excitement. I lit the joint and inhaled, held my breath for a moment, and exhaled before passing it to her. She accepted it and noted how much better it was than anything she was normally used to. Neither of us smoke now, I rarely smoke cigarettes whenever I'm stressed... But back then, we finished that joint off before deciding to ditch our producers and that charity to make a trip to my old place.
I left my journal right where it was, ink and quill left next to it and I could feel my stomach churning, that whiskey surging up from my stomach. I hurried to stand up but found myself staggering off to my left before landing on my shoulder and slumping to the floor on my side. A little vomit made it's way into my mouth but I swallowed it back, refusing to let it stain my polished wooden floor.
I laid there for a moment, fear gripped my mind for a short moment before I tried to stand up again. I got my front legs under me and pushed myself up, my legs trembling with the effort and I swayed back and forth, unable to find my balance, I dropped back to my side.
I laid still for a moment before sighing out loud. "Vinyl! Can you come help me?" I shouted, knowing I wouldn't get a response.
"Vinyl!" I screamed, followed by another surge of fluids from my stomach. I laid my head on the wood floor and stared out the window.
"May Luna help me..." I whispered quietly into the silence. I sighed, allowing my eyes to close and my mind to wonder. It didn't take more than a few moments for my exhaustion to kick in and knock me out.
Blinking my eyes open, I found myself laying on the floor in my studio. I was on my side next to my desk. I hesitantly stood and felt my head throb angrily. I squeezed my eyes closed and sat down with a hoof to the side of my head. It wasn't going to go away.
Damned hangover.
I walked out into the living room, Vinyl wasn't awake yet, so I walked to the front door and picked up the mail that laid just inside its way. Walking through the living room and into the kitchen, I tossed it all on the counter.
"Water, power, rent, wait we still pay rent? All in Vinyl's names." I grunted as I skimmed through the mail. I dropped the bills to the side, tossed some ads into the trash and then turned away from what was left to start a pot of coffee.
After it finished and I had my cup, I took a seat at the table and flipped the upside down magazine over. I almost did a spit take, in bold red letters across the top read:
Octavia Melody
Secret Unveiled!
(page42)
I wanted to cry. Not for myself, not for Vinyl, but for the simple fact that everyone and everything seemed to be out to get her.
I flipped to the page and it was a detailed description of what had happened the night before. Though the source was unknown, it had to have been either Trixie or Alister.
I closed it and threw the paper to the ground., it came landed in front of the fridge as I angrily left the room and returned to my studio.
I left the door open and grabbed my saddlebags off the floor. I closed and tossed my journal into one of them before grabbed a photo of Vinyl and a few other small trinkets. The last thing I added to the bags were three fat little sacks of bits, counted into hundreds as well one other sack being roughly ten thousand bits worth in gems. It was all she had room for... Bits were heavy!
I stormed out into the living room. Vinyl had just woken up and had stuck her head out of our- her bedroom door. "Tavi?" She asked.
I ignored her. I couldn't let her see me this way. Not after last night and this morning. I slammed the front door and galloped as quickly as I could. I finally slowed down enough to catch my breath and as I walked, ponies looked and snickered. Their whispers stinging my ears and making my blood run cold. All the little light noises building into a chorus of laughter and humility.
I continued walking until I reached my destination. I looked up and found myself staring at the front of the train station.
A hot chill ran down my spine as I walked inside.
My ear twitched. I could feel the wind blowing through an open window and it tickled my ear.
I squeezed my eyes closed as the sun showed through my eyelids and groaned as I felt a throbbing in my left hoof. I sighed noticing that I was on my back and under a blanket. Nothing real thick or comfortable, but it was warm, which I didn't want.
Moving my hooves to push the blanket off, I noted that my right hoof felt weirdly heavy. I didn't bother unwrapping the blanket.
Finally opening my eyes and glancing around the white four walled room, I saw a desk with medical equipment laid out on it, a few posters reflecting the purpose of the room, and a machine that gave off a rhythmic beeping sound.
There, sitting next to me, with a newspaper open in her lap, sat Vinyl. Her chest slowly rising and falling as she slept.
"Vinyl?" I asked hesitantly, making sure she was asleep. When no response came, I sighed, "I'm so sorry for all I've done to you."
Vinyl's ear twitched in her sleep but otherwise didn't move. I watched her sleep for a moment and realized that I hadn't seen her sleep in quite a while.
The door clicked and swung open, a nurse walked in, "Alright Ms. Scratch, it's been fourth-six hours-" she looked up and stopped mid-sentence. She stared at me and I stared back at her. She quickly turned and left the room, she caught a passing nurse and said something before coming back into the room.
She walked over to Vinyl first, " excuse me Ms. Scratch." She shook Vinyl's shoulder until she came to. "Ms. Scratch, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room. You may wait in the hall, it won't take long. Dr. Ross needs to speak with Ms. Melody before she can have any more visitors."
Vinyl rubbed her eyes as she woke up, she let the paper slide from her lap onto the floor before standing up. Her eyes lit up as what she had just heard registered. She turned and looked at me and her face lit up but she didn't speak, she looked at the nurse and nodded before leaving the room.
I couldn't help but wonder why Vinyl Scratch of all mares would be so compliant. But I shrugged it off as the doctor came into the room.
"Hello, Ms. Melody," said the doctor as he took a seat and got comfortable. "My name's Dr. Ross, and I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"
I frowned and nodded, not wanting to answer. I moved my right hoof again and it still felt heavy. It felt numb. I couldn't feel anything from my wrist down. It just felt like a limp weight in the end of my leg.
"Let's start with your hoof, the bad news that is. The damage was done and there was nothing we could do to fix it. Your nervous system is dead in that hoof. You'll never have feeling or muscle control in it again." He paused and waited a moment.
I was still a groggy from waking up to answer him. I just looked at my limp hoof in complete bewilderment. I looked up at the doctor, "Can I still play?" I asked with a knot forming in my stomach.
"What do you mean?" He asked calmly.
"Can I still play my cello? My piano? My violin? Any instrument!?" My voice cracked as the lump in my stomach moved into my throat,
My heart sank as he shook his head no. "I'm sorry. The good news is, you can still walk, it will just take a little practice. You'll also need to check your hoof throughout the day, to make sure you didn't cut it open on a sharp rock or a broken bottle. To be on the safe side, I suggest taking good care of that hoof because you won't feel anything from it, including pain. The last bit of news I have for you is this." He pulled out an of pills and passed it to me.
As he leaned back into his chair and used his magic to flip through a few papers he had on his clipboard. "These are an anti-depressant. They also function as painkillers for your leg. carrying around a dead weight like that will cause some pain and discomfort. You can go home today, but I want you to come in for a check up in a week."
I looked at the bottle that I held in my left hoof, before looking up at him. "So the good news is I can go home? So I have a dead hoof and I can go home? Just like that?"
"Octavia, you've been asleep for two days. Your mother found you in your bed and without a pulse. It's a miracle that you're alive at all. You remember what happened, right?" He held a straight face but sympathy danced in his eyes.
Thinking back, the last thing I could remember was cooking a meal for my mother. After that I went to my room and then I was here. "I guess not..." I said quietly looking down at my covers. I finally pushed myself into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall and pillows. "Could you tell me how I got here?"
"Trauma has a tendency to cause memory loss, or rather block the memories of the traumatic event," He spoke softly now, "Your mother found you on your bed. You weren't breathing. Investigators reported finding a blood covered razor blade and a bottle of sleeping medication and a suicide note in your journal."
"They read my diary?" I felt tears come to my eyes as thoughts of what that journal contained. All the trials and tribulations I've gone through were in that book.
"They searched the room for any information leading to a possible trigger ." He paused. "Depression is often related to suicides."
"You can stop..." Images of words and as well as the bloody glare of light reflecting off the used razor blade. "I remember now."
"Well, they managed to get you breathing again. After that, they raced to transport you to a hospital in Manehatten. Once there, they needed your blood to clot, so they transplanted blood and they some medicine to help thicken the new blood after your body had accepted it. Considering how much blood you had lost, it’s astonishing that they managed to keep you alive.”
He looked down at his clipboard. "Say's here you've been a donor for most of your adult life, that’s probably how they managed to find a match your body could accept so quickly."
"So I was dead when they found me, but I was fresh enough to be brought back to..." My mouth went dry with the reality of her sentence. She hadn't meant for death. She simply wanted to sleep one night without pain and without night terrors.
The doctor looked back up, "You weren’t dead, but you weren’t breathing either.” He coughed and cleared his throat. “Vinyl Scratch had paid off all medical bills. You should be very grateful to have a friend like that."
My mind froze. Vinyl did that for me? After all the pain I've caused her...
I looked down at my shaven limp wrist. Bandages wrapped around the majority of my hoof, but it was painfully obvious how much fur was missing. I looked at the doctor, "Is there anything else I need to know about? If not, may I speak with Vinyl?"
The doctor shook his head and quietly exited the room. A moment after he left, Vinyl appeared in his place. "Hey, Tavi... Long time, no see..."
"Vinyl, I..." I closed my mouth and looked away ashamed of what I'd done to her. -have no idea what to say to you.
Vinyl sat down and picked up the newspaper she dropped. She levitated it so I could read the front page headline. "Octavia Melody takes her own life. Page fourth-two." I read out loud under my breath.
"I saw this, finally located you, and came straight here. Octavia... You disappeared without a word. You could have left me a note or even a letter would have been nice. You know our address!" vinyl paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "It's been three months, Octavia. Three months, Octavia. And after all, that time I see two things, a newspaper article describing your experience in a bar, and how you cheated on me... And then you disappeared. And the next thing I see is this article talking about your suicide." She stopped and let the paper drop to the floor.
I couldn't do anything but cry. "Vinyl. I never meant for it to go this far... I just couldn't move on. I-"
"Than don't try to move on! I love you, Octavia...I can forgive you for what you've done, but I can’t sit idly by while you kill yourself! Please, stay with me... Come back to me." Vinyl had stepped closer to the bed and laid her head across my lap. How could I say no?
"Of course, Vinyl. I wouldn't want it another way." I leaned forward and licked her ear affectionately before sitting up and stroking her mane with my good hoof.
"I love you too, Vinyl."
