Applejack vs. the Auto Bucker
“Welcome back Cousin Applejack to Allllpoloossa!” neighed Braeburn in a body bandage as he welcomed his cousin as she got of the train.
“Well howdy Braeburn,” Applejack said putting her suitcase down. “Great to be back!” she said hugging her cousin.
“I’ll be honest with you Applejack,” said Braeburn as he and Applejack walked down from the platform, the whistling of the train moving behind them. “I didn’t think ya would acaculty come when I asked for help due to me breaking my back on such a short notice,” said Braeburn pawing at the ground.
“Ya’ll know me better than to leave a fellow apple behind,” said Applejack nudging Braeburn causing the stallion to neigh in pain.
“Oooooh!” he neighed before giving Applejack a glare.
“Hehehe, sorry?” chuckled Applejack nervously.
“It’s alright,” said Braeburn before returning to his cheerful demeanor. “So was Granny Smith okay with you taking off to help us?”
“Of course!” said Applejack with a smile. “In fact she told me “Applejack you go and help those poor-zzzzz.”” said Applejack with a chuckle. “She done fell asleep before she finished though!”
Laughing at this, Braeburn said “That’s just like Granny Smith to sleep in the middle of a conversation.”
“So how are things with things with the buffalo?” asked Applejack curious on how the townsfolk and people were getting along.
“Oh were doing great! In fact you should see them passing...now!” said Braeburn as they reached the hill overlooking the apple trees and pointing at the passing of dozens of buffalo.
“That’s great and-Bloomberg!” shouted Applejack galloping past Braeburn to her old tree before hugging it. “It’s great to see you again!”
Suddenly a cough was heard, turning around applejack saw a stallion with a apple tree for a cutie mark. “Scuse’ me miss, but ya’ll in front of the tree I need to buck.
“Oh, sorry,” said Apple jack moving away with a blush.
Coming up from the overlook Braeburn said “Ah! Applejack seems you’ve already met Wagon Wheel.”
“Hi,” said Wagon Wheel bucking Bloomberg.
“Howdy,” replied Applejack.
And these ponies here,” said Braeburn pointing at a bunch of farming ponies. “Are here to help you with the bucking.”
“Ok,” responded Applejack before looking at the helpers. “Alright everypony lets get this here apple bucking started!”. She was answered by the sound of cheering causing her to blush. “Aw shucks, no need to get all excited.”
“Ummm, Applejack?” asked Braeburn.
“Yeah?”
“That cheering wasn’t from us it was from the town,” said Braeburn pointing at the town.
“What’s going on?” said Applejack as she squinted her eyes to get a better view. “Oh horse apples.”
“Come one come all as we show you the miracle Auto Bucker 2000!” shouted Flim and Flam to the gathering townsfolk. “From us Doctor Flim and Doctor Flam.”
“Doctors!” shouted Applejack approaching the duo.
“Well, well, brother,” said Flim. “If it isn’t miss Applejack."
“Tell us dear, why are you here?” said Flam with a smirk.
“I’m here helping my cousin,” responded Applejack angrily. “Now what’s this nonsense about you two scammers being doctors!”
“Oh you haven’t heard?” said Film.
“Ever since that age incident we were contacted by the Manehattan institute of knowledge to act on behalf of their marketing and apple related products,” said a smug Flam. “Starting with our Auto Bucker here,” he said pointing at a device on wheels with a thick triangle.
“What the hay is that thing?” asked Applejack suspicious.
“This “thing” is the future of bucking!” shouted Film. “It bucks using a steam powered pump that causes the triangle shaped ram to knock apples out of trees.”
“What is this I hear about a a automatic apple bucker?” said Mr. Seedley, one of the top apple bucker employers in town. “Can this there invention buck better than a pony?”
“Yes sir, only for the price of 800 bits,” said Flam. “The Auto Bucker can buck ten times the apples a pony ever could in a day.”
“Horse Apples!” shouted Applejack. “Mr. Seedley let me show you that I and only I, can buck better than that there machine,” she said knowing the machine would cause ponies to lose their jobs.
“A bet you say? You’re on!” said Flim.
“Well I suppose it’s only fair. Alright everypony head on down to the acres to see who wins.” shouted Mr. Seedley as the townsfolk followed him.
“Applejack you sure you can do this?” asked a concerned Braeburn.
“Of course cuz.”
With the flim flam brothers with their machines ready and Applejack and her carter Wheel Wagon ready, Mr. Seedley laid down the rules. “first to get the most apple trees bucked by sunset wins. On your mark.”
“Prepare to lose, Apple,” said Flim and Flam smugly.
“Get set.”
“Not this time,” responded Applejack to herself.
“Go!”
(“Hi there it’s me Coil Sparks and Humble Pie we decided on when writing this here ficcy of ours to have the events told thru song, enjoy!”)
When Applejack was a foal
A sitting on her grandma’s knee
she bucked up a tree and a little piece of apple
Said, "Bucking's gonna be the death of me,"Celestia, Celestia
"Bucking's gonna be the death of me."
Well, the FlimFlams said to Applejack
Gonna bring me a Auto Bucker 'round
Gonna bring me a bucking out on the job
Gonna whup those apples on down,...
Applejack said to Flim and Flam
"A mare ain't nothin' but a mare
And before I let that Auto Bucker beat me down
I'll die with a apple in my hoof,...
Applejack was bucking on the plain
And her hooves was flashing fire
And the last words I heard that poor mare say
"Gimme cool drink of water 'fore I die,...
Applejack said to her carter
"Carteheaving nine pounds from my torso on down
Just listen to that cold apple buck,...
Applejack said to her carter
"Carter, why don't you sing?"
"'Cause if I miss this little rock right there
Tomorrow be your burying day,...
Applejack, she bucked thirty apple trees
The Auto Bucker only bucked twenty-five
But she bucked so hard that she broke her po' heart
And he laid down her hat and she died,...
They took Applejack to the graveyard
And they buried her in the sand
And every locomotive comes a roaring by, says
"There lies a apple bucking mare",...
(“Ummm, Coil?”
“Yeah, Humble?”
“I don’t think you can or should kill off a still living element of harmony especially since that’s not what happened in Pinkie’s letter.”
“Oh, fine.”)
“Where am I?” said Applejack noticing she was in a bed.
A doctor with a needle for a cutie mark answered her. “You're in the hospital miss Applejack, your cousin Braeburn can explain what happened to you,” she said pointing at the stallion.
“Braeburn, what happened? Did I win?” asked Applejack preparing herself for the worst.
“Darn tootin!” shouted Braeburn before being shushed by the doctor. “Ya see when ya where done bucking and collapsed it turned out that the Auto Bucker was in poor condition, so Mr. Seedley decided not to buy one...till the kinks where fixed.”
“Well knowing those two scammers, that will be a while,” said Applejack laughing while infecting the others with giggles.
(“That better Humble?”
“Much, now come on. We gotta go grocery shopping.”
“Oh boy! Free samples here I come!”)
