Here I sat. No, wait...
Here I laid...
Shit.
Can we get a good start?
Fuck it.
I'm hanging by my feet which were bound by rope above a pool of holy magic.
Fun right? For you. Not for me, I'm a Lich. So that kinda, you know.
Kills.
Yeah, so, there's that.
Now I know you're wondering, "How'd our mystery proswagonist get in this deadly situation!?" Well it's not that simple. Okay it is. In short?
I dun goofed.
My name is Majestica, and as I stated before; I am a Lich.
Earlier that day I had been practicing spells, when suddenly I was being assaulted by a group a Paladin, a Priest, and an Archmagi. Though, I recognized the Archmagi, she was a hero who was making herself a large reputation. Specifically for reflecting things. But she was now rumored to be almost one of the strongest people alive.
Wink wink.
Alive.
Nudge nudge.
At that moment, I tossed all my brains out and became an arrogant dumbass.
In my arrogance, I without warning, threw a spell at one of the most powerful people alive, but that wasn't what got me here. No, what got me here was the fact that they had a great reputation for a reflex, to reflect. I don't mean to brag but… Okay, who am I kidding? I'm bragging hard here. I'm a pretty powerful person. Not very modest. But when you're as old as I am, you gain the right to brag!
Well, you don't really. But at the same time, I'd like to think so. A-Anyhow...
Now normally this wouldn't be a problem, even reflecting one of my lesser spells, the mage was out cold. Both of us had been, because that spell was a sleep spell. I had been marched to their base, and tied up, when I awoken, I was met with holy liquid.
Being dropped into the holy pool that was glowing golden wouldn't fully kill me, I'd come back. My execution sentence was to be had, which I was silently cheering for. Then sadly one of the paladins of the group (Who sounded like he had a tongue controlling problem.) elaborated that they'd have to find my phylactery. The rest of them were newbies, so they wouldn't really know about that little fact. Which brings me to now.
"Well Lich, spit it out! Shame the devil and tell the truth!" Did he actually just say that? Oh I think I heard that wrong.
"Excuse me knave, but did you just call me a bitch?" I asked calmly. The paladin in question blushed angrily, his face contorted into fury, he pointed at me indignantly.
"Number one, I am no knave! Second, you, a lich dare speak to me? I have no words for you. Lastly, no I called you by what you are, a Lich." I nodded in approval, to the last thing, but he took it as me 'knowing my place'. Now, I could actually probably get out of here just as easily, I was simply humoring them. After all, they didn't even add any anti-magic bubbles or anything. I could clearly move my arms and they used regular cuffs. This was beyond sad. "You're lucky Lich, I'm feeling forgiveness today so I'll let your little verbal assault slide." Whoa, the arrogance. Secondly, what I said was a verbal assault? I haven't even began.
"Oh great and holy knight, won’t you pwease let me go?" My voice echoed throughout the hall in the dank room, the only thing that made the room light was the pool of holy liquid. Speaking of which, how the fuck did they make that? The Paladin snorted at me. The nerve! Snorted at me!
"Sorry but- actually, I'm not sorry. No." The Paladin snarled at me with a vengeful anger. You know, I never did like paladins. Ironic, seeing as I used to be one of the greatest holy magic users in my time. Still, no need for him to go all ballistic on me. Actually, I take that back, Undead are seen as the scum of the earth to be slain. I used to think the same till I became one. Now I see the struggle is real.
"Touchy. Come on man, why can't you let me down?" I whined to him, the rest of the newbies who were teens, and just about all of them looked uncomfortable. The Paladin eyed me suspiciously, I don't know why he would be, he already knows I'm a Lich. What more could he want?
"You talk like a teenager, not a Lich. I don't like that. Why are you talking like that?" The Paladin scowled at me. Jeez, this guy, can he really be a paladin? He's always having a mean look on his face. Well, truthfully I had been hit with one too many spells that effected my mind. So luckily I didn't become a vegetable. But I'm not very mature. Awesome trade off, right?
"I thought you didn't have words for a Lich?" I teased him with a cheeky grin, not that he could see behind my shadow-faced enchanted hood. Though technically, a skull looked like it was always grinning. The Paladin's face looked funny, it was turning to a very angry shade of red. There's no way this guy was a paladin, but his getup sure made him look like so. Maybe he was just a warrior with a really shiny gear set. He even sounded heroic. Did I mention I hated heroes? Always a problem in the long run. Oh I forgot about the 'Paladin', who was now bristling with a newfound rage. He was pointing his sword at me! He wanted a duel? Well I'd-
BLAM!
I turned my attention to the source of the loud noise. Which interestingly enough seemed to be a whole platoon, leading the group was not one, but two Archmage, by the looks of their gear. And boy was one of them was out of shape. Oh, I don't mean she was fat. I mean the opposite, she was skinny, and pale. She was huffing as she looked like she had rushed herself to get here. The other one was fair skinned, and looked to be quite curvaceous. Brown hair, with pink streaks going through it, glowing pink eyes from magic, and all around a supermodel, but apparently she went the way of a mage. And got quite far too. Wait a second, the small frail one was the mage from earlier! White hair, red eyes, blue jacket with a hood. Yup, that was her alright. Fucking magi.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" The pink eyed one, was huffing with anxiety written all over her face. I half was tempted to get a marker and literally write the word 'Anxiety' all over her face. "Do you have ANY idea what you're doing?" The enraged paladin's face switched from anger to confusion quickly, he scratched his head.
"Talking down to a secured and bound Lich?" He half asked half told. The pink eyed one scowled at him.
"No, you're talking to an unbound Lich with absolutely NO magic suppression on it!" It? The nerve. I swear, some people. The paladin paled though. I tried to lift myself up, causing my hood to fall off, everyone tensed as they saw my skeletal face, the Paladin shakily held up his blade to my general area. What's he so afraid of?
Oh, me.
"Well, we can take him! There's all of us, and only one of him." The 'paladin' said shakily. I raised my eyebrows, to which he winced at.
The frail mage took charge. "You idiot, that's an SS classed Legendary monster! We'd need several archmagi to even damage him! In short-" The small one took a deep breath for something.
"EVERYONE BESIDES THE CAPTAIN AND MY PLATOON, FALL BACK! KEEP IT FROM GETTING TO THE CITY!"
I think they just made me out to be a pillager. Oh well; win some, lose some I suppose. Then let us begin!-
SCREEEEEEE
I found myself not able to use my magic, or move at all, as I was being realized the rope was indeed charmed, I'd been had. The mage was doing something I recognized all too much.
Opening a portal to the fucking void.
"Ah, fuck."
SCREEEEEEEE
"Nopenopenopenopenope!" I flailed around to get my legs out, the portal to the void was under me. There was only one solution: one way I knew how to save myself, since I knew how void portals worked; I myself, am an active void user! I launched a crazy amount of chaos magic as I tossed my hand at the portal, at the same time casting a dimensional portal with my other hand, letting it mix on top of the void magic. The rope snapped and I fell in.
"SUCKERS!"
I found myself being hurled through time and space, or the void. Whatever you want to call it really. I knew that I'd need to find body, luckily my phylactery is with me, however, I was about to land very violently, painfully, whatever. Luckily I don't feel pain! I'm already dead! So hah!
Me: One.
Everything: Zer~~o-~~
BLAM
Darkness.
"Uggh..."
That was supposed to be the sound of my own voice groaning, but it didn't sound anything like my own voice. Secondly, I haven't groaned in a very long time. Adding to that, my body was aching. I'm not supposed to feel pain! I'm dead! I opened my 'eyelids' as I called them because I could 'shut my eyes' in a way, it was magical really, but strangely, I could actually feel the eyelids. As soon as I opened them, my eyes were assaulted by nothing but color, color everywhere. Now, for someone whose senses were almost destroyed by death, this was overwhelming, I felt dizzy as l looked around, taking in my surroundings, I brought my hand to my head, only to not feel my fingers, worried my fingers didn't come with the new body deal, I brought my appendage to my line of sight to see what the hell was wrong.
Only to find a hoof instead, I sat there bewildered for a few seconds, my face scrunched up in confusion. My mind slowly caught up to reality. Mostly. I needed a few more seconds...
Three.
Two.
One.
"HAH! I DID IT!" I grinned victoriously, it worked, my phylactery had been tinkered with to allow me to grab the nearest living body that wasn't taken by a soul. Usually found in labs, or witch doctors, necromancers, lich's, ect. This time, it appeared I was in a lab, as proved by the breathing machine on my face, as well as the gooey liquid I was floating in, I could clearly see past the substance of unknown origin, all I know was it was beyond freezing cold, it was preserving me I suppose. I could see what looked like...
Horses?
Yes, horses. Small horses with wings, or horns, or neither. Which quite frankly, would suck to be them. I think the term would be 'Pony' for them. Small horses, that’s it. They also had lab coats on, and they all had one thing that made them all the same. Besides the barely covered tattoos on their asses.
They were all staring at me like I was a lifelong trophy that they finally earned. Through the glass I could hear them talking if I listened hard enough.
"-done! We've done it! An artificial life form! We shall finally harness it's unspeakable powers to take down that Tyrant Celestia!" The whole room gave mutters of approval. I'd guess. Because I couldn't hear them. Something about a coup d'état. I guess this body would be a tool.
"No, I don't think so." One of the other scientist said. The rest of the group turned to the speaker quizzically. "It's a body without a soul! How on earth can we train it? And not to mention, it's a mere child. I'm a scientist, not a cold-hearted cruel bastard. I'm not going to help you assist in creating a weapon out of our own kind! What if you find a soul, somehow? Celestia forbid it's dragged back from the world of the dead, or someone you killed! If you do, it'll still be a child! This is foul. I quit."
And just like that, the pony threw his coat down, a rash decision actually, but I could understand.
"Magnify...You know what we do with traitors. Nopony, nothing, no one, leaves Shadow Theory." 'Magnify', I guess his name was, grimaced. He tensed as some guards started to close in on him with batons in their mouth. I should probably-
BOOM
What is it with the explosions and interrupting me?
"The only traitors that will be punished on this day, will be you!" A pony with a mane coloured in a rainbow of greys, tan coat, fuchsia eyes, a funny safari hat and a whip in her mouth busted in the door with a deadly look on her face, glaring daggers at the group. It was now the guards turn to grimace. The scientist all began to scatter, their whole plot was dashed by a single pony.
"It's Daring Do! We're all doomed! Run for your lives!" Chaos erupted, all the ponies scattered, causing paper to fly everywhere from the lab, I myself was amused. The guards now grimaced, but walked forward to deal with this 'Do' character.
Clop. Clop. Clop.
The sounds of hooves echoed throughout the lab, causing everyone to stop what they were doing, the sound of the hooves were much bigger than the other ponies below. Suddenly, a giant horse with a rainbow-hued mane which flowed even with no wind, fuchsia eyes and a crown, stepped into the room, she also had wings and a horn, she had a sun mark on her butt. I'm assuming she's the big bad here if that's the case. But then, another one walked it, this one was like a dark blue, with a space-like mane. With an ink stain on her butt with a white half moon. She looked like she was furious.
"It's Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! We're all doomed! Run for your-"
SLAM
The space princess put her hoof down.
Hard.
She cracked the floor. All the other ponies stood silent, Daring Do watched all of them carefully, to make sure none of them were to slip away, along with all the guards who belonged to the two 'Princesses'. About twenty.
"My my my, My Little Ponies. What have we here?..." The white one took a small look around with a disapproving gaze, all the ponies that were talking about using me as a weapon before, were quivering before her, they looked deathly afraid. "What's this I hear about using a child as a weapon against me? You should be ashamed of yourselves...You're all going to Canterlot dungeons for a long time." The regal looking horse smiled kindly at them, but in her eyes I could see the disappointment hidden neatly. She looked directly at me with a frown, but then the frown turned into shock as I looked her right back in her eyes. "The child… is alive?..."
All the heads in the lab swiveled towards me, I looked back at all them evenly. The scientist just looked plain speechless. They were probably wondering how this body has a soul.
'Luna' looked at me in awe, and slight fear, before settling on a small warm and motherly smile.
"Art thou fine in there? Do ye' wish to get out?" Luna called out. But, what the hell, what was with her speech? I nodded my head to let them know I wanted to get down, not that I already couldn't, mind you. "Well, one of you go let him or her out!" One of the braver ponies walked forward, typing something into the PC allowing the liquid to seep into, whatever was under it, and let me down. Then the mask that helped me breath came off, as well as the glass lifting. The white one hastily walked over to me.
"Make sure none of them leave, you at the device. How was the child made?" The pony was too scared to withhold information from their nations royal child.
"With the D.N.A from all the late Alicorns! And from Starswirl the bearded! A few other ponies, one of them King Sombra!" Princess Celestia looked beyond shocked. She took a moment of silence to sit there and think about the answer that had just been given to her.
"... You all have been watching us for a very long time now I see. Well, it ends today. I am very ashamed of what's going on here, you are all hereby sentenced to the canterlot dungeons for six years." Wow, they got off pretty easy. Usually it's something like, executed on the spot. They all looked sad, and were to soon be escorted out. But one pony didn't allow that to happen so smoothly.
"IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS!" The unicorn pony runs at me with a magical vial in his hoof, screaming wildly, then activating his magic and exploding violently, the magical backlash and spell engulfed me, causing me to black out and giving me the distinct feeling of teleportation.
The last thing I saw was darkness, and heard a scream.
"YOU FOOL!"
Author's Note
A big thank you to my editor Nihatclodra! He's such a big help!
Fuck You, Diablo. Fuck. You.
"What the fuck just happened?" Rubbing my aching skull, I peel my face of the floor with annoyance and curse- which with my new squeaking child voice it sounded quite wrong.
Won't stop me from doing it again though.
"Alright!" Now since I had awoken somewhere, wherever that is; it was time for a daily awareness check, than an evaluation! So first, awareness check.
I'm pretty aware of the fact I feel like shit, so I think I passed!
Alright it was time for the evaluation!
Alright....Nausea?....
Check.
Heartburn?
You know, I forgot what that feels like but I'm gonna saaaaaay...
Check.
Temperature?
Well, bitch I'm colder than space but hotter than the sun. But, I am fucking freezing from that goo stuff. Egh.
Check.
Headache?
Well...You require a brain to have that. Oh, I have that now.
Check!
My name is Majestica. And I am a Lich. Though we've been through this. We're doing this only I need to do a recheck.
Now I know what you're thinking: 'A Lich! One of the most powerful, evil creatures to ever exist in history!? You make me sick!'
Well hold on there tiger! I'm not that bad of a person honestly.
"MOMMY! MOMMY! OUR HOUSE ON FIRE!
"WHAT!?"
...
For the record, nobody was inside of the house. It wasn't my fault their family were spec'd into hunting and killing necromancers in the like.
...
Okay, okay!
I meant not as bad as they could usually get anyway.
Sure I've taken lives, but to be fair almost everyone from where I'm from have taken lives. Never have I stolen an innocent's life. Even those fuck head Paladins take lives. I will never understand how they can be so self righteous. I've put a lot of Paladins in their place, though. If only because of their 'holier than thou' attitudes. If that stick was any further up their ass I could probably see it jutting out their mouth and see them use it as a jousting lance.
Now don't get me wrong, not all paladin's are bad though. One of the older Paladins in all of history still exist today thanks to his magical abilities. Atleast that's the bullshit he spouts to everyone. The guy's over five thousand years old and doesn't look a day over thirty. I think something is going on. Even some of his own allies are suspicious.
Getting back on track, I'm not really evil. I'm just 'misunderstood'.
You know, the name Majestica actually came from a great tale of a legendary magician who vanished from the lands! No one knows what happened to him...
Though he'd probably vanquish me or something along those lines if he saw me, to him I'm just some monster with his name.
Heh.
I'm greeted by the sight of a forest- And I'm not exactly sure what forest since this wasn't my world. Though, whatever just happened was quite taxing on my magical reserves. Not that I was very aware on how to use magic in this body to begin with. Which brought another enervating, exemplary, and querulous issue.
I get to preform a renovation of my whole metaphorical and physical spell-book!
Great. Just... Perfect.
Before I could learn anything else however, I'd need to get the hell out this forest before it was dark. The sun was high in the sky from what I could barely see from beyond the trees. I didn't appear to be too far deep into this forest, though there may still be some dangerous wild-life. If that was the case, I could prepare some small not very taxing arcane spells. I still am a weaver of the darkest magics seen on the face of the universe. I began my very slow trot, my hooves smashing the leaves and twigs under them as I trekked the darkened forest. Thinking time.
First, and regrettably I'd need the history of this pony hauling rock-ball of a mysterious planet. What else could prove to be extenuating to this whole ordeal? Or at least take my mind off of the fact I had no idea what I'm doing or know where I'm going.
Next...
Oh, that's right. I need to find the history of this body. See, as anyone knows- Life cannot be created without life. This whole process is an exchange between life. In order to avoid the inevitable rancorous result of running into someone who I'm the splitting-image of, I'd need to know who I look like and how do I avoid ever finding them. Back at the lab, I remember hearing something about being made from 'Alicorn' and Starswirl the 'Bearded'. I refuse to believe that this world also has 'The Bearded' title. Then again, stranger things have occurred.
Now, because of the fact that I wasn't too far from the tree-line of making it out the only slightly creepy forest I found jubilation in the fact that I made it out without a single issue. Usually, I had some sort of hero attacking me for some reason. It may or may not be because I burned their house down...
What?
Finally, my luck is paying off as I step across the tree-line I thank Diablo for looking out for me. Today must be my lucky day!
Thump.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
Fuck.
As I turned to the side, I noticed a yellow- almost canary colored winged pony with a lustrous long pink mane that swayed in the wind. She sat on her haunches, a bunch of delicious looking apples rolled out, one rolling out to me as she'd dropped it on the forest floor. Her mane whipped out her face due to the rather powerful gust of wind that seemed to come directly from behind me in the forest- Only strands of her mane remained and I could fully see the emotions being expressed by her wide cerulean eyes.
Disbelief, shock, fear, relief, and a little bit of hesitation.
Y u do dis, Diablo?
"Uh, hi." No response. She was just sitting there, her jaw gaped as she stared at me blankly. It was then I noticed a bunny next to her, and it appeared to be doing the exact same thing. Wow, these animals sure were expressive. "Lovely day we're having, isn't it?"
I'm pretty sure she's not even breathing. I begin to slowly make my great get away, one hoof at a time.
"Welp, this has been just lovely. But we're both busy people, ponies, horses, creatures completely of the same universe and certainly no other origin. But uh, I best be hitting the ol' dusty trail. So uh... You know. Bye." I immediately turned tail-- literally-- and jetted the fuck out of there before it could get more awkward.
"W-WAIT! SILVER! DON'T GO!" Holy fuck there's a crazy talking horse that somehow knows my nickname... I don't reply, I just keep on running away as fast as I can. "IT'S ME, FLUTTERSHY! YOUR BIG SISTER!" I could hear the waterworks trying to build up in her voice! She must have mistaken me for someone else! I'm not-
Oh.
Oh...
OH!
OHHHHHH!
Okay! So, not even five minutes out the fucking forest and I already found a relative of my look alike. Not to mention, his name is my nickname.
Fuck you, Diablo. Fuck. You.
Now I surely couldn't afford being caught, this would be more than heart breaking for her on either side if the kid had been offed by something. I run and get away, she's going to think she's probably crazy and cry for the rest of her life or something. I stay and get caught, and I have to tell her I'm not her brother. Not looking good, sagacity wasn't exactly my forte even with all this time. A tactful approach was thrown out the window the minute she saw me.
"Please! S-Slow down! D-Don't...Don't leave me..." I feel my stomach churn from guilt I make a sharp turn, running off of a bridge to the direction of the nearest place to hide. I have a feeling if I turned around I'd probably lose the will to run. She was so cuddly! I don't WANT to make her cry. But I have my own agenda! Pretentious isn't exactly what I'd call it, it's more like looking out for one's self. Finally after many trees that looked the same, I see a sign that showed the name of the town I was running to.
Ponyv- HAHA, THEY ACTUALLY NAMED IT PONYVILLE? LET'S TRY LICHVILLE, MAYBE EVEN LICHSHIRE. LICHCITY MAYBE!?
I'm having way too much fun, I note as I hear Pony right NEXT to me-- huffing as she was flying surprisingly fast beside me. Her eyes were puffed up with tears and her mane a mess- but she looked filled with determination. Now, I'm not a provocative person. I'm pragmatic, but silly and I know when to stop.
Now was not that time, I can't afford to get caught.
I feigned heading toward the left, making nothing but turning signals- Even tensing my body and leaning that way.
Hook, line, and sinker.
As I made it look like I was heading that way. Immediately 'Fluttershy' as she said her name was, blasted left of me after I made a duck and with my mouth made the sound of a disrespectful ball player- the sound of screeching tires and they skit to a halt.
"Skrt! Try again!" I exclaimed spontaneously loud- and childishly- as I booked it right and disappeared into 'Ponyville Park' as I dub it since I didn't see a sign. We found ourselves divergent- As I looked back I noted Fluttershy looked quite confused and frustrated at her lack of catching my handsome self. Though, I'm not an idiot. With my limbs this solution was only ephemeral. Evanescent as it was, I just needed to catch my breath. Running wasn't something I did, I float. Or I did as a Lich without a living body. I vanished into the foliage, hiding in a pair of bushes. Not soon after Fluttershy came blasting through the area- completely missing me and continuing upon her way.
I groan, laying on my stomach. Sprawled out, I begin huffing and trying to breath. Too much trouble and I've only just came to this world. I close my eyes, just resting for a little.
Never noticing the three tiny figures look into the very bush I'm hiding in.
