Sacrifice

by Karrakaz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia
Length: 2199

Luna has often seen Celestia put the needs of the country before her own, but now she is going too far.

That love can be a painful thing is something we both know all too well, sister. But it does not give you the right to throw your happiness away for mine...

I will not ask for your thanks for what I do now. I only ask for your forgiveness, and perhaps a promise to let yourself be happy.

Winner of the Fifth Bimonthly Twilestia is Bestia contest

Enjoy

Published 2014-09-04 22:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-04 22:20:05 UTC

Playing to Lose

Sacrifice. An unpleasant word only due to the connotations associated with it. When used in tales, most ponies think of it as a bother unless it comes paired with the word ‘epic’, of a tale wherein the hero sacrifices themselves to save the world or somesuch. Sacrifice, however, is rarely so black and white a thing.

It can be something as innocuous as choosing to spend a day alone in the library with a good book, rather than spending that time with ponies who accept you despite knowing what you’ve done. That is to say... friends.

But sacrifice can also mean choosing between banishing your own sister for a thousand years, or seeing thousands of ponies that you do not know suffer. It can mean putting your personal feelings aside and standing tall to keep a nation together in the aftermath.

More than anypony, sister, I know how well you understand sacrifice. I just did not realise how much you would give up for my happiness.

If one were to look through the history books, one would find no trace of my mistakes. Even the storybooks, tales told to foals, gloss over the crimes I committed like they never existed. All of them had been expertly removed from history and banished to the land of fairytales more definitively than my hiatus to the moon.

I was so angry the first time I read one such book; furious about the apparent negligence of the chroniclers whose job it was to track what happened during those dark times. My follies should have been the centerfold of every history book, so that none might repeat the mistakes I made.

And yet, it's because ponies do not remember that I was given a second chance. My redemption may have come at the hooves of six ponies I had no knowledge of, but every kind word, and every smile that was offered to me after that was your doing, and yours alone.

Even if that was all you had done, I would never have been able to repay you. But you, my sister, kept on giving, even after I returned.

The days we spent side by side, reading through a thousand years of literature and knowledge, and the innumerable explanations you gave to me as though you did not also have a country to run.

The nights where I, the princess of night and mistress of dreams, was so frightened by my own memories that I sought shelter in your bed; and how you soothed and comforted me with words and actions alike, letting me know that you were there for me.

You have always been a rock for me. Before our fight, you always had a kind word and a smile for me, even when I did not return it. Always stoic in the face of adversity and solid ground for me to stand on when I floundered around a world unknown to me.

Had your generosity stopped there, I would still be the most thankful sister in existence.

But it did not.

Is it strange to say that you perfected sacrifice to an art form? Not only did you give me a second chance, all the time I needed to gather myself, and encouragement when I needed it most; you also gave everything you ever wished for yourself to me, sacrificing your happiness for mine.

And it needs to stop.

I should have known. I really should, but I didn’t. You were always an accomplished strategist, and I could not see any ulterior motive for your sending me to Ponyville that fateful Nightmare Night.

At first, I was scared. Scared of all the things I thought everypony would somehow know about me; scared that, without you there to serve as a safety net and catch me if I made a mistake, I would be as helpless as a newborn foal.

Assigning Twilight as my guide was a clever idea. Between my fears, her reassurances that everything would be okay, and your well-placed comments on how she loved observing the night’s sky, it was only natural that she would be the first pony I fell for.

To say that I wasn’t taken with her would be a lie. But then, I will ever have love to spare for each of those six who saved me from myself. Still, she was the first.

I was so excited to have found somepony that loved many of the same things as I, and several dozens of little ones that weren’t scared of whom I had been, but were scared because it was fun to be so. I was so enthusiastic with having the friendship and the acceptance of an entire town that I simply could not stop smiling.

So excited was I that I did not recognise the pain that must surely have been visible in your eyes when I told you of her, and how I wanted to court her. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been for you to say, “I am happy for you, Luna. If you need my help, you know where to find me.”

My courtship began not a day later. Hours I slaved away, trying to find the perfect prose with which to woo the first unicorn to capture my heart. Again, you saved me from myself, almost whispering the words into my ears by carefully telling me about Twilight’s likes and dislikes without ever letting on how you felt.

If I had been more observant, I would likely have recognised that such an intimate knowledge could only have come from a deep, complicated relationship that spanned many years. As it was, I was simply grateful that my sister could help where my own creativity failed me.

Partially, this disaster is Twilight’s fault. Had she rejected me outright, I would have cried, but it would have been better than finding out as I did. Rather than say no, however, she thanked me for the wonderful letter, and allowed my courtship to blossom into romance.

Flowers. Stars only know why I thought flowers would be a good gift for a mare that spends every waking moment with her nose in a dead tree. I do not think I need to tell you how awkward our first date was after that; but perhaps... perhaps something good came out of it after all.

The fight was something I could have done without. From the moment you started shouting at me, until the moment I talked to Twilight, I was convinced that you had finally become fed up with me. That finally, after so many loving gestures and shows of support, your love for me had run out.

Can you forgive me? For not trusting in your love for me?

I ranted at Twilight about you, told her how horrible you were for saying that I was ‘not worthy’ of her.

...

How much of that fight did you plan, sister mine? Was it really a ploy to get us closer? Or did your back, which has carried so much responsibility for so long, falter for a brief moment?

I ranted and cried for hours, cradled in Twilight’s forelegs. More crying and sniffing than ranting really. You should have seen her. So supportive. So caring. She is like you in that respect. But she told me that it wasn’t because I wasn’t ‘worthy’, but because her heart already belonged to somepony else.

I fled from the library and cried more than ever after that.

You made a mistake then. Being indignant on my behalf about Twilight’s choice of partner showed me the crucial first thread of the web you were spinning, and how I was trapped in it.

From there, it was easy to figure out what was going on. I talked to her friends—my friends—all of whom told me that Twilight had been talking a lot about accommodating me on Nightmare Night as per your request, and how it had lead to something... more that she wasn’t sure how to handle.

It wasn’t until I sat down to talk with Rarity that the final piece clicked. She told me whom Twilight was really in love with, and not even a furious Pinkie chasing the unicorn all over town could wipe from my mind that which had become quite clear: Not only did Twilight give her heart to you, but you had given yours to her in turn.

The weeks after that were tiring, and I violated rules I had set for myself after my banishment. I entered dreams without invitation or need, merely to wrest control away from their dreamer’s subconscious and spin a web of my own. But while I quickly realised that stoking your jealousy was a lost cause, I did manage in my own bumbling way to give away things I know you would rather be kept a secret.

Between my dream realm escapades and our many talks, I could clearly see how Twilight had effortlessly secured a place in your heart, and how your love for her had only grown since that day.

I take back what I said about crying more than ever after Twilight’s rejection. Only after I understood how deep your love for her ran, and how I had been the catalyst for your trying to live a lie, did I cry non-stop for days on end.

I resolved to get the two of you together, even if it was the last thing I did.

Getting past your emotional barriers was nigh on impossible with the way you used distancing language to insulate yourself. It was always “my faithful student.” or “Twilight Sparkle.” But never once did you merely call her Twilight in our conversations. I knew I would have to get you in the same room with her before anything else, which was where my plea for you to talk to her came from.

Rather ingenious, was it not?

It was a little trickier than simply pleading with you, however. Making you live through a night full of nightmares about a distraught Twilight in order to melt through all the barriers you had erected around your heart was not as painful for me as it was for you. Hearing you scream and cry in your sleep, and knowing that I could not let you wake up for it to work, however, pained me on a level I have not known since my return. The price I paid for inflicting nightmares on you were my own. For weeks I suffered from the terrors of the night, only in my dreams, you were the one rejecting me.

That next day was, I think, the longest I have ever experienced. Flying out ahead of your chariot without being seen and hiding in her library was tense. Waiting for the two of you to get to talking seemed like it would last forever.

I can still see the two of you sitting down, drinking tea, and Twilight’s nervous stuttering at your presence. You looked the same as you always did, even with the bad night of sleep, but it had accomplished what I needed it to.

Your defenses had been broken down to the point where your heart could peer over the walls. It could see that one pony you wanted more than anything, and all I had to do for it to break through the rest was give it a little push.

The look on your face when I upended the table in my hurry to grab hold of the only chance I was going to get was priceless. Twilight looked no less surprised but, fortunately for me, blurted out the truth when I demanded to know who she loved.

In hindsight, I think I might have overdone it a little with the thunder and the lightning...

Even you cannot argue with the results, however. I do not think I have seen a more tearful hug, or a more passionate kiss in our time. And we have been around for a while.

Please, forgive me for ruining your plans.

And please forgive me for all the pain I caused you, both in my unwitting excitement and in my determined planning.

Even if you could not, however; even if you wish to banish me to the moon for another thousand years for what I did to you and her; it would be worth it knowing that I brought you at least some measure of happiness.

I know what you’re going to say. “Luna, sister, thank you from the bottom of my heart,” before following it up with a lot of useless niceties and drivel before ending your monologue with ‘but what about you?’ Admit it, that’s pretty close to what you were about to say, isn’t it?

Please do not worry about me sacrificing my own happiness for yours. You are the one that needs to care about herself more, and...

Well...

You remember Rarity, yes? The mare who told me about Twilight’s crush, consequences be damned?

It seems she is single, and has a soft spot for royalty. What’s more... I am given to understand that she likes flowers.