What Day Is It Again?

by Eyeswirl the Weirded

Rating: everyone
Tags: Prince Blueblood, Trixie, Octavia, Comedy, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2752

Octavia goes out to meet with a friend, leaving her roommate alone for a while.

They say you should pick your battles, that some things aren't worth fighting about, aren't worth arguing over, aren't worth raising a fuss, because they just might work out on their own.

Octavia has come to accept this philosophy in regards to her roommate, who seems to have a penchant for getting into trouble and solving it again before too long, usually without needing Octavia to do anything. As such, when she leaves Vinyl alone for a while, she typically doesn't think much of weird noises and loud exclamations the moment she closes the door.

Today is one such day.

(This was initially going to be for one-shot-ober, but it's apparently Talk Like a Pirate day, and it just fits too well. Shanghai'd, it be, arrr...)

Published 2014-09-19 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-19 15:00:02 UTC

Things happen. Pay no mind.

"I'll be having lunch with a friend, see you in a bit."

There was no response.

"Vinyl?"

The unicorn sprawled out on the couch while reading a newspaper looked up. "Huh?"

Octavia smiled at her friend's messy mane and clueless expression, she was like a little filly sometimes. "Interesting news today?"

She nodded. "Kinda, says here that depression has been on the rise lately, lotta ponies are bummed out about stuff." Her spectacles gleamed as a familiar toothy grin appeared. "I bet I could be a pretty good therapist, help ponies relax more."

The cellist rolled her eyes, giggling. "Right. I'll be back later."

Vinyl waved a hoof. "Have fun, Octy!"

Almost the second the door closed, she heard the shuffling of papers and the clatter of clutter from within the apartment. I really hope she doesn't hurt herself. Or anypony else...

"Hello, Lyra."

"Hi, Octavia!"

She sat down at the same table of the outdoor cafe as Lyra, having learned better than to ask about her strange seated posture. "What brings you to Canterlot, if you don't mind my asking?"

Lyra grinned. "Remember that creature that showed up in Ponyville we were talking about, the one that made the whole town go nuts?"

That didn't really narrow it down much. "Can you give me a time frame?"

"Umm..." She scratched her head with a hoof, tongue poking from the corner of her mouth in concentration. "Between the parade with the Breezies, and that craziness with the Tirek?" She frowned at Octavia's blank stare, aware that that probably wasn't specific enough. "You know, there was gold and jewels everywhere, you were even in town when it happened!"

"Oh, that time." Octavia shook her head. "I told you, Lyra, I wasn't there when the entire town got polymorphed into Sapphire Shores' architectural dreamland."

She waved a hoof in somewhat exasperated fashion. "But ponies SAW you there!"

Octavia shrugged. "Ponies saw me here on the same day. They had to call in two of the other princesses to undo the effects, are you sure it wasn't all an illusion?"

"Well, no, but it still tells me there's something crazy out there, which is what brought me here!"

The cellist raised an eyebrow at her cryptzoologist friend, waiting for elaboration.

"Princess Twilight seemed kinda... moody about it, when I asked her, so I figure if there's any info on a monster that goes around turning things to gold and gemstones, it'd be at one of the libraries around here."

"Ah." She sipped tea from one of the cups they'd been brought while conversing. "And if you were to find this creature, you'd use it to make a fortune, or...?"

Lyra giggled. "Nah, it'd just be one more piece in the puzzle! The more we learn about magical animals, the more we can learn, right?"

Octavia smiled a little, suspecting that Lyra hadn't given up on one particular specimen of myth.

The slightly unorthodox scholar smirked. "Don't look at me like that, it's no crazier than the stuff your roomie gets up to!"

She brushed a hoof through her mane in faint embarrassment. "W-well, yes, I-"

"Remember the time she went on some kind of war against clothes?"

She did remember, Vinyl had even opted to forgo her usual spectacles during the spectacle as she shouted at passersby in the market district. It had been something of a scandalous uproar among the more... 'refined' citizens of Canterlot, particularly those that were fully dressed at nearly all times, or involved with the fashion industry. It was nice that Vinyl could be persuaded to calm down when it was said that everypony had their own style, some just preferred more covering than others. Still, being coerced to stand without her bowtie in front of a large crowd to be stared at had not been a pleasant experience. The grey mare sighed. "Indeed..."

Lyra chuckled. "So yea, I'll be in town until..." Her mouth hung open as she trailed off, getting the concentration look again for a few seconds. "Darnit, what day is it again?"

Octavia was seconds away from making a remark about her friend's scatter-brained moment when she realized she wasn't sure either. Luckily, she knew how to find out without compromising her pride too much, getting up from the table. "I'll be back in just a moment."

When she left the apartment, it had mostly been papers she heard slapping together, now it sounded like metal and shouting, but not the kind that Vinyl sometimes played for her job. She carefully pushed the door open to peer inside.

"Harharhar!" laughed a blue mare, "Ye be either a wriggly fish, or a wee lass to move like ye do!"

"Knave!" retorted a white stallion, "Thou shalt address a warrior of Her Highness with the proper respect," a rapier held in the glow of light blue magic clashed in the air against a cutlass glowing with magenta, "and acknowledge the poise of thy opponent in a conflict!"

Two unicorns were sword-fighting in the living room. She had seen both of them before; The Great and Powerful Trixie and Prince Blueblood, though she was certain she'd never heard them talking like this. It was at the moment that she pondered whether or not 'Trixie' was the mare's real name or not, like 'DJ PON-3', that the latter approached, floating a clock next to her.

"Wait," Vinyl said, "I can explain everything!"

Octavia slowly turned away from the swinging swords to look at her, an eyebrow raised.

The DJ smiled self-conciously. "Um, ok, remember when I said I thought I'd be a pretty good therapist...?"

Putting up posters around town seemed like a good way to start her help-talky business, and it was only around five minutes after she got home that the doorbell rang. She answered with a grin and a flourish. "Wassup?! Welcome to DJ PON-3's therapy, where the talks are free and the doctor's me!"

You meant to start a business in which you don't charge anypony?

And your point is?

Ugh. Nothing, go on.

Prince Blueblood stood at the door with a mildly perplexed, almost timid look on his face. "T-this is the right place, then?"

Huh. Even snooty royal jerks get down in the dumps. Who knew? Still, she was a professional, she filled out Dr. Happy's Smile Certificate just this morning, even cutting it out of the box when she was done eating! It wouldn't be good for business if she turned down her first client. She waved him in. "Yup, c'mon and have a seat, or lay on the couch, I think either works."

Blueblood closed the door behind him, not certain he should have come here at all. There was a time he'd have never set hoof in such a plain establishment, a time he'd have scoffed at the very notion that a common pony would be of any use to him. That time, he reflected, is long gone.

"So," Vinyl asked with a calm grin when they were both seated, "what're you in for?"

He blinked. "W-what? Is this operation illegal?!"

"Oops!" She giggled as though she'd put a hat on upside down. "Sorry, force of habit, I meant, how can I help you? What's is it you'd like to talk about?"

He tried to relax. If he'd wanted a legitimate psychiatric service, one that would probably share his psychological profile with others so they could laugh at their ruling family's neurosis, he wouldn't have looked twice at the poster made with markers and construction paper, so it didn't much matter if she was certified or not. "Well," he uttered, "It started with-"

There was a knock at the door, Vinyl standing up to answer it. "Shoot, sorry, one sec!"

Annoyed as he was to be interrupted, and so soon, Blueblood only let out a quiet sigh. There weren't many other places for him to turn to at this point.

The door was answered in exactly the same manner as before. "Wassup?! Welcome to DJ PON-3's therapy, where the talks are free and the doctor's me!"

Trixie, not wearing her usual hat and cape, tilted her head a little. "Not terrible, the rhymes are a nice touch, but the presentation could probably use a little more oomph. Nothing extraordinary, but maybe just a little magical effect?"

Vinyl couldn't help laughing. "Thanks for the tip. You here about the shrink deal?"

The second client nodded somewhat hesitantly. "Um, y-yes, unless you're busy...?" She peered around Vinyl to see Blueblood on the couch, who glanced back and forth before awkwardly waving at her.

There was a gleam in the cereal-box-licensed head doctor's shades as she smiled. "Yea, but don't worry, I got an idea, c'mon in!"

Trixie followed her inside, part of her already beginning to regret this. Still, wandering around town after yet another attempt at a show in which there were more hecklers than the last time she was here and no idea how to respond to them without confirming somepony's suspicions, the colorful paper found on a lamp post was the most promising thing she'd seen in a while. She didn't have the bits for a real therapist, but she didn't need one, just somepony to talk to for a little while, and didn't have a lot of friends around here. Or Manehattan. Or Trottingham. Or Las Pegasus. Or Fillydelphia.

Vinyl waited until both of her clients were on the couch before elaborating. "So, you guys ever heard of group therapy?"

"Um-"

"I think-"

"Great, who wants to start?"

The two shared a glance as if to say 'is this how it's supposed to go?'

"C'mon," Vinyl urged with a patient smile, waving a hoof at the prince. "You were here first, why don't you share first? Be Princely and set a good example for others-" she indicated Trixie, "-to follow."

Drat, she's right. Well, perhaps not, but that was the main problem, wasn't it? He cleared his throat. "It began with a realization, and many more to follow..."

"Basically," Vinyl elaborated while fiddling with the clock over the sounds of clashing steel, "Blueblood figured he didn't really measure up to the rest of the royals, not even the guy who used to be a guard captain that let the whole city get taken over, but most of all Twilight Sparkle. That, and it looks like he figured out that going around being, well... Blueblood-"

"Thy insolence shall not be tolerated, fiend!" SHHHING-TING!

"-the normal Blueblood, I mean, kinda got on ponies' nerves. He got tired of ponies hating him and-"

"Don't you poke fun at ponies like him all the time?"

Vinyl colored faintly red before scowling. "Hey, it's not like I'm the only one!"

Octavia gave a composed little smile. "I have never said such things about another pony." Out loud.

"Anyway..." She re-focused her attention on the clock as she spoke. "So yea, he's bummed out about being hated by pretty much everypony and not being anywhere near good enough with magic to compare to the princesses. Or the guy who didn't notice his almost-wife acting like a total-"

"Vinyl!"

She chuckled. "Hey, I'm just sayin'. Trixie was pretty much the same, she got this misty-eyed look while Prince Anachronism over there was talking, apparently she's been going through the same thing, kinda. Twilight was better than her in magic, almost everypony makes fun of her, and she gets glared at a lot."

"I'll cut yer scurvy 'eart out an' mount it to me headboard!" T-TING, CHING!

Octavia glanced over her shoulder at the now cutlass-wielding stage magician. "It doesn't seem entirely undeserved..."

"Hey, I actually kinda liked the old Trixie!" Noticing her friend's slightly bewildered look, she elaborated. "I mean, yea, lyin' about what you can do is bad, but she was still pretty fun to watch, right?"

The cellist was faintly certain that applied right now...

"I shall apprehend thee, criminal, in the name of Her Solar Grace!"

"Hah, you ain't the first colt I seen what shouts that name when Cap'n Lulamoon's around..."

Prince Anachr-err-Blueblood looked utterly scandalized. "Filthy scoundrel!!"

"Yarharharhar!"

As they continued their melee, Octavia turned back to Vinyl, who was still tinkering with the clock. "So, why are they...?"

"Hm? Oh, right. Well, I wanted to show 'em that they weren't bad ponies, so I tried hypnosis."

"Oh, dear."

"I was tryin' to make 'em both think they were the ponies everypony thinks they are so they could see the difference between that and the reality to feel better about themselves." She paused, looking up from the clock for a moment. "Long story short, Blueblood ended up like some really old-timey knight guy and Trixie turned into a pirate."

Octavia blinked slowly.

"Don't worry, though," Vinyl said with a confident grin, "I did the hypnosis commands so that they'd change when the clock chimes!"

As if on cue, the clock in her hooves chimed once. Immediately the two combatants dropped to their knees, weapons falling from their magical grip and clattering to the floor as the prince and the magician placed their forehooves on the others' shoulders, practically hugging one another for support.

Despite a faint shimmer of tears in her eyes, Trixie smiled a little, her voice soft. "You know what it's like, don't you? The stares? The scorn?"

Blueblood nodded once, his expression not unlike hers. "It gets easier to deal with, but never really gets 'better', does it?"

It looked as though she was about to laugh, but couldn't quite manage, smiling wider as she sniffled once. "M-maybe not, but I don't think everypony can hate you, or me. Those that don't show open contempt just kindof walk on by, you know?"

His smile grew forced. "Is that really better, or worse? Being regarded as just not worth bothering with?"

She shrugged a little, frowning. "It's something."

Now they hugged. Vinyl grinned at Octavia, whispering. "Hey, do ya think I could say I offer couple's counseling?"

The cellist didn't look away from the distraught pair, touching a hoof to her lips. "Shh!"

"You know," Blueblood uttered, "Auntie once told me that so long as you hold out hope, you can do nearly anything. Or something like that, I didn't really listen at the time, but if there are ponies that don't care either way, maybe those ponies would be willing to give ponies like us a chance, someday?"

Trixie pulled back enough that she could look into his eyes. "Does that really make such a difference?"

"It's something." He grinned a little, which she immediately returned. "You know, I think-"

The clock chimed again, the two of them leaping to their hooves, seizing the swords again in their magic and interlocking them with an audible PING!! As the blades scraped together, they snarled at eachother.

"For naught but the most heinous of sorcery would I lower my guard against a charlatan such as thyself!"

"Ha! It don't take magic to pull the wool o'er yer eyes an' leave a dagger in yer gullet!"

FSHING! TWING-TING! KACHING!

Silently wondering where they got the swords in the first place, Octavia turned to look at Vinyl, who was fiddling with the clock more than before.

The DJ-turned-therapist smiled sheepishly. "Ahh, haha... The uh, clock got kinda... Broken? Don't worry though, I'll fix it! I just have to remember the repair spell while they're back to normal! This'll all be fixed in a jiff!"

Sparing one last look for the battling duo, Octavia nodded once, speaking calmly. "I see. Well, do take care, try to clean up when you're finished, please."

"Yea, yea..."

And with that, she decided it was time to head back to Lyra.

The teal unicorn waved. "Welcome back! That was a little longer than 'a moment', you know."

"Sorry, I was getting an answer to your question."

She blinked. "Huh?"

Octavia sat down, giving Lyra a small smile. "It's Tuesday."

Author's Note

Fun fact(ish): From what I can tell, Vinyl actually lives in Ponyville, what with all her appearances there, while Octavia appears only twice (I'm not counting Inspiration Manifestation, because even if she was teleported there, it wasn't of her own volition) outside Equestria Games (where a LOT of ponies were far from home) in Canterlot. So, Octa/Scratch even as close friends might make a little less sense.
Luckily, they're background ponies and the fandom can probably do whatever they like with them! :pinkiehappy: