Lyra Is Crazy: Many Months Of Mommy Madness

Chapters

Lyra Is Desperate: Conception Is Complicated
Lyra Is Blissed: The First Month Is Fabulous
Lyra Is Plotting: The Second Month Is Silly
Lyra Is Sappy: The Third Month Is Theatrical
Lyra Is Genteel: The Fifth Month Is Flirtatious
Lyra Is Scared: The Sixth Month is Startling
Lyra is Bipolar: The Interlude is Interesting
Lyra is Depressed: The Seventh Month is Stressful
Lyra Is Unstable: The Eighth Month Is Extreme
Lyra Is Missing: The Train Ride is Terrifying
Lyra is Sorry: The Ninth Month is Noteworthy
Lyra Is Emotional: The Wedding Is Weird
Lyra Is Resentful: The Fourth Month Is Frustrating

Lyra Is Desperate: Conception Is Complicated

By Ponyville standards, this was an ordinary house. The lower floor was sixty percent living room, fifteen percent dining room, fifteen percent kitchen and pantry, eight percent bathroom, and two percent under-stair storage closet. The upper floor consisted of a short hallway with attic access and six doors, leading into the den, a laundry room with linen closet, an empty room with a closet, a bathroom, another empty room with a closet, and the master bedroom with attached bathroom and walk-in closet.

The inhabitants, on the other hoof, were another matter entirely.

"But Booooooniiiiiiiie, it's such a great idea!"

"It's an impossibility, is what it is. I mean, even if you and I... how would this even..." Bonbon slammed her hoof down in frustration. "Genetics, hon! I can't fertilize you at all!"

Lyra rolled her eyes. "We've been over this, Bonbon. I am a highly magical creature. My magic will naturally balance out the zygote. Or do I need to bring up centaurs again?"

"Centaurs aren't real."

"Hippogryphs, then." Lyra grinned broadly. "You can't deny them! You've met a hippogryph!"

"Yeah, yeah...." Bonbon sighed, turning away from the batter she was mixing. "Look, one example does not make a trend--"

"Mules and Zonies."

"....Even with three examples, we can't be sure--"

"Oh come on, Bonity Bon, lighten up!" Lyra jumped forward, gnawing on the changeling's ear. "You're going to have to cool me down anyway, why not make it worthwhile?"

"L-Lyra!" The blushing green confectioner tried to push the unicorn back. "Off, off! I thought we'd just do what we normally do, you know, I didn't think that you'd--"

"Bonbon, do you know how old I am?"

Bonbon sighed. "Not old enough."

Lyra gasped loudly, her hoof clutched to her chest. "Not old--?! Not old--?! My mane is going white!"

"That's your natural color--"

"Bonbon, don't you see? I'm a married, graduated unicorn living in a small town! I'm practically an ancient hermit!"

"I... what?"

"This could be my only chance, my last chance for a child!" she desperately wailed, collapsing on the ground. "I could go fallow any day now!"

"Lyra, you're twenty six."

"An old maid--! Oh, Bonbon, you're my wife and you can help me, please please help me!"

"Have you taken your medication today?"

Lyra blinked. Bit her lip. And glanced from side to side. "I... yeeeeeah. I'm pretty sure I did, do you want me to check?"

Bonbon sighed. "Look, it doesn't matter. It's just... why do you want this so badly? I'm pretty sure we could adopt, and being totally honest here I don't know if you would be able to handle pregnancy."

The unicorn took a deep breath, standing up and holding her eyes shut. After a moment, she sighed. "Do you realize... what you mean to me?"

"I... am your wife?" Bonbon suggested awkwardly.

"Do you know what that means?"

"We are married?" The changeling rubbed her mane awkwardly. "I mean, I do love you, you know that right?"

"It's not just about love," Lyra pointed out calmly. "Ponies can love... pretty much anypony. And love is important, I love you, but... marriage is the greatest expression of trust."

Her eyes opened, and Bonbon was startled to realize there wasn't a hint of the usual humor in them. "Trust that I will be there for you, that you will be there for me. Trust that we can share a home, our income, and not break them for silly purposes. Trust that we will respect each other, even when we disagree... I trust you, Bonbon. And this..." She tapped her belly meaningfully. "This would be the ultimate expression of my love and trust in you."

The sounds of the temperature charms humming away dominated the living room, broken occasionally by chirps of birds flying by the house.

"...oh," Bonbon managed.

"Yeah," Lyra agreed.

"...I didn't realize.... I mean, for changelings it's all communal..." Bonbon sat down heavily.

Lyra stepped forward, giving her a hug. "It's okay. I know you'll do great."

"No, I--I mean, I don't know anything about--" Bonbon leaned back, looking Lyra in the eyes. "Hon, I can't be a parent! I don't know how!"

"Neither do I!"

"But--you had, like, a personal mom and all that!"

"Bonbon, sweetie, you've met my mom." Lyra rose an eyebrow. "Do you really think she's a good model mother?"

Bonbon considered the twitchy, slightly darker version of her wife that had smiled a bit too broadly all the way through their shotgun wedding and whose red eyes had grown distant whenever her fake horn was pointed out. "...Alright, you have a point. One!"

"Plus my point about ponies being naturals at hybridization."

"...Two points, fine." Bonbon gave her a flat look. "You want to try for three?"

"I'll need the sex anyway!" Lyra singsonged.

The changeling shoved her off, but couldn't stifle an amused snort. "Alright, alright, I get it." She stood up, giving the sprawling mare a look as she shook her head. "...Fine, you've convinced me."

Lyra's face snapped her direction. "Really?!"

"But there are conditions!" Bonbon held out a hoof. "One: We get a medical expert to do weekly checkups on you. I don't want anything going wrong."

"Yeah okay, that makes sense."

"Two, we contact the princesses and arrange for some sort of guard." Bonbon sighed. "I've gotten enough bad looks after the invasion, I just know some bigot is going to try to wipe out the 'abomination' before it's born."

Lyra winced. "Oh. Right, politics. Forgot about those..."

"Three: If it comes down to it, if I have to make a choice between you and the baby..." Bonbon took a breath. "I'm picking you."

The unicorn shot up. "WHAT?!"

"Look, I'll look for any way around it, okay? But if it's down to the wire--"

"Whoa, no no no, let me get this straight. You'd want me to abort?!"

"Only if your life is seriously threatened by the pregnancy!"

"I didn't know you could be so, so heartless!"

"You think it's heartless to care about my wife?!" Bonbon roared. "If the baby comes out fine then fine, but until it does it's just a potential and I am not sacrificing the pony who I love for somepony who I've never met!"

Lyra stared at her. "So.... you'd do that to keep me alive?"

"Yes. I don't care if you'd hate me after that..."

Bonbon trailed off, her eyes falling to the ground.

Lyra sighed. "...If it comes down to the wire. If there's no other option. And only then, only if the doctors say that it's like that."

Bonbon looked up, tears in her eyes. "You... you sure?"

"Hey." Lyra stroked her cheek. "Trust, right? I mean, if this doesn't work out..." She sighed. "We can adopt."

"...Thank you."

Lyra shrugged.

"...Well then!" Bonbon took a moment to clear her throat. "Now that we've agreed to do this thing, we have to figure out how to do it! I mean, I assume you want me, er, au naturale, and that presents its own complications."

"What, you mean the fact you have two?" Lyra giggled. "I don't know, that could be--"

"The lower one is an ovipositor," Bonbon clarified. "If both of them went in, you'd have a changeling egg in there that would hatch a miniclone of me who would claw her way out."

"...oh." Lyra winced. "Okay, so top only. Gotcha."

"Except the tips are kinda... close." Bonbon bit her lip. "They can be separated, but usually require somepony prying them apart and, well, you wouldn't exactly be concentrating on...." She trailed off.

"...Erm." Lyra's hoof rose, awkwardly. "I... have two holes?"

"I... I thought you hated--"

"Any sacrifice for my baby," Lyra stated plainly, managing to ignore her blush. "We'll just buy some lube."

"...oh. Okay, sure." Bonbon coughed. "That just... leaves the, erm, last factor. In order for me to trigger, well, in this case--you have to understand, what we've done before is nonreproductive and, uh, different. Fun, don't get me wrong! But, uh, well..."

***

"You want me to do what?"

"I, uh... need some queen pheromones." Bonbon coughed, glancing around the library awkwardly. "And I was hoping to get some from you." Lyra bounced behind her eagerly.

Rainbow Dash, recently revealed changeling and new Queen of the Equestrian Rogues, tilted her head. "Pheromones, pheromones... That's an egghead word, I know that word--"

"It's basically natural perfume," Twilight explained as she continued writing something down in the corner. "Usually used by animals to mark territory or to... trigger..."

She stopped writing.

"...yeah, um..." Bonbon's face was now a lurid shade of green. "Lyra convinced me to, uh, give it a shot."

"Give what a shot?" Rainbow glanced from Twilight to Bonbon. "What are you two being so weird about?"

Twilight gave a quiet little cough, shuffling her hooves. Bonbon bit her lip, trying to avoid Rainbow's gaze.

"We're going to try for a baby!" Lyra squealed.

"Oh. Oh! Congratulations!" Rainbow grinned broadly. "I don't see what that has to do with me, but--"

Bonbon's horn lit up and yanked the Queen's head down to her level. There was some frantic whispering.

Rainbow blushed brightly. "Oh..."

"Yeah." A tissue box levitated up. "We'll just rub some off you and then be on our way."

"Um, okay. Sure." Rainbow Dash extended her wings, exposing her thorax ridges. "This isn't going to be, uh... awkward, is it? I mean, should we do this in privheeheeheethattickles!"

"Aaaaaand... done!" Bonbon nodded. "Right. Okay! Thank you, we're just going to head home and, uh, put this to use then!" Bonbon backed away quickly. "Goodbye Twilight, goodbye Rainbow!"

The library door slammed shut, but it couldn't block out Lyra's loud cheer.

"That... happened," Twilight commented.

"...does... does this make me an aunt?"

"I... huh." Twilight tilted her head. "I... I guess it does..."

Author's Note

BTW spoilers for Winds of Change.

Lyra Is Blissed: The First Month Is Fabulous

"...just saying that it makes going to the bathroom a literal pain in the butt," Lyra finished as she entered sugarcube corner. "It's not your fault--I mean, it technically is, but it isn't something I blame you for--get me the usual missus Cake--I just think maybe we should cut back to every other day."

The cream earth pony beside her rolled her eyes as she pulled out a chair for the unicorn. "As I recall, you were the one that wanted to attempt this little venture in the first place. But, if you absolutely insist on me doing less work, so be it. Ah, and a hay cookie for me, if that would be alright missus Cake."

"Well, it sounds like you two have been having an interesting week." The portly proprietor produced the pastries the pair had ordered, setting them down on the table. "That'll be twelve bits. What exactly is going on, anyway?"

Bonbon coughed into her hoof awkwardly, glancing around the shop. A few ponies were giving her some suspicious glares, and a number seemed to avoid looking at her entirely. "It's, ah... you know how I..." She gestured at her face vaguely.

"Yes, I'm aware of your make-up." The blue mare nodded solemnly. "I'm terribly sorry that my other customers are not as accommodating as Celestia was--"

A stallion scoffed and stood up, leaving his half eaten scone on the table as he trotted out.

"--but I'm not legally allowed to bar them unless they do something, well, illegal." She gave Bonbon an apologetic smile.

"Yes, well." The confectioner waved it off, trying to keep her ears from folding back. "It's not that important. They'll either come around eventually, leave, or just settle into a sort of... thing. Pattern. I dunno." She picked up her cookie, chewing it carefully.

"Still, I hope you understand that we're your friends. Me and my husband," Cupcake clarified. "And if there's any problems we can help with, feel free to tell us and we'll be--"

"Do you have any any advice for expectant mothers?" Lyra asked. "Or ponies who want to be expectant mothers. Actually, how do you know when you're an expectant mother?"

In the long quiet that followed, Bonbon's hoof made a slow journey around her forehead as Lyra munched on her fudge.

"....ah," Missus Cake finally managed. "So you two are trying for...?"

"Mmmmyep." Bonbon nodded, not removing the hoof from its place. "She seems to think that because I'm... a touch different down there, well...."

It took a few seconds for the baker to fully process this revelation. Then she turned to the kitchens. "Carrot, dear, would you please go find Pinkie and bring her out here?"

"Sure thing, Cuppa!" A gangly yellow stallion poked his head out. "I just put some rolls in the oven, they should be done in a few minutes."

"Got it!" The mare smiled happily. "Heh, Cuppa. I remember when he first called me Cuppa..."

Lyra smiled, leaning forward. "Go on..."

"Oh, we were just starting to date," the blue mare began, grabbing an empty chair and sitting down. "He'd been, well, apparently his friends had told him some cheesy one liners, so he ordered some coffee and said 'I don't know which is better, this Cuppa or the one in front of me.' Then he actually drank the thing and, hee, sputtered it all out."

"Oh, wow." Lyra smirked. "Let me guess--"

"'You're definitely the better Cuppa,'" the two of them quipped together, before descending into giggles.

"Yes, because one liners are perfect seduction tools," Bonbon deadpanned. "Witty and devastating."

"Bonnie, you're doing it again..."

The cream mare curled under Lyra's stern look. "Right, sorry. I apologize, missus Cake, that does sound... cute." She grimaced. "Sickeningly so."

"Aw, you don't have to worry about hurting my feelings, Bonbon. I'm a tough old mare, I can handle it."

A predatory smile formed on the face of the confectioner. "I am so tempted. So so tempted."

"Giving into temptation can be a very bad thing," Pinkie pointed out.

"I know, I GAH!" Bonbon jumped back into Lyra, staring at the pink pony. "Where-- what-- when did you get here?!"

"Just now, silly!" Pinkie pointed at the yellow stallion walking back into the kitchen. "Mister Cake found me pushing some foals on the swings at the local playground! I never know how he does it..."

"Pinkie Pie, Lyra is in need of your unique special ability." Missus Cake nodded toward the green unicorn. "I'd do it myself, but it's very early and I'm not as sensitive as you are."

"Hang on, what--?" Lyra squeaked in surprise as Pinkie put an ear to her belly. "What is this, what's she doing--?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh." Pinkie scrunched up her face. "This is more difficult then it looks."

Bonbon could only stare in incomprehension.

"...Forty four weeks, two days, and seven hours," Pinkie finally proclaimed. "Give or take thirty five minutes."

Lyra blinked. "Until what?"

"Until he comes out of course!" Pinkie leaned back. "Or she. Too early to tell."

"Wait... hold on." Bonbon held up a hoof. "Are you saying you can--just, just pick up a date of birth from what could barely be more then a zygote--?"

"Well, most earth ponies can only get it down to the month," Missus Cake explained casually. "Pinkie's special talent is parties, though--"

"And that includes birthday parties!" Pinkie finished with a grin."

"You mean..." Lyra's lips slowly curled upward. "You mean I... I'm actually... I..."

There was, ironically enough, a pregnant pause.

"YAHOO!" The unicorn jumped onto the table and started dancing. "I'm going to be a mom! I'm going to be a mom!"

"You're going to be a mom!" Pinkie joined the dance.

"I'm going to be a mom!"

Bonbon slumped in her chair, shock on her features. "I didn't think this would actually work--"

"Bonnie!" Lyra pulled her onto the table. "We're going to be parents!" She pulled the shocked mare into a deep snog.

"You're going to be parents!" Pinkie squealed, bouncing on the edge of the table.

"Mmmmm--!" Bonnie broke the kiss with a gasp. "I--I'm going to be a dad! I think..."

"You're going to be a daddy mom!" Lyra supplied helpfully.

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded. "What she said!"

"A daddy mom... I'm going to be a daddy mom!"

Lyra hugged her tight and spun around "Woohoo! This is so awesome!"

Pinkie blew on a party popper. "You go girls!"

The table groaned ominously. Bonbon's ears perked. "Um, maybe we should--"

"Haha! Take that laws of genetics!" Lyra stood on her rear legs and shook her hoof at the ceiling. "LOVE CONQUERS ALL!"

The table collapsed.

***

"...so it's not going to be too different until the fourth month," Carrot Cake explained casually. "That's when she's really going to get what's going on with her body and, well, some irrational part of her is going to suspect that you just wanted a foal making machine."

"But she's the one that asked me to--"

"Irrational. I said irrational." The lanky stallion shrugged. "Cuppy and I had a lot of arguments around that time. What you'll need to do is really pay attention to her. Not her body, but her feelings, her wants... compliment the things she does, not the way she looks, is what I'm saying."

Bonbon nodded, trying to keep the advice tracked up in her head. "Right, right. I guess that makes sense."

"But then later she's going to start thinking you think she's hideous, because you're holding back on the physical compliments. So around the fifth month, start working them back in. Along with regular sex. You should be the one asking her, mind you, so she knows you still like that aspect, but you don't want to ask too much or you go back to the irrational 'he thinks of me as a baby machine' thing."

"Wait... what?!"

"And, uh, if you're doing anything... intense in there, um, hold back." Carrot winced. "There are... well, when she's bigger... let's just say I had to visit the hospital once and, uh, leave it at that."

"Got it, I guess." Bonbon glanced behind him, looking at the shut door that led from the kitchen they were in to the main store. "And you're sure that Missus Cake is giving Lyra the same advice?"

"Heck no. She's giving Lyra different advice. Mostly about moodswings and morning sickness and all that."

"Morning sickness?"

"Yes, everyone knows, but it has to be done."

Bonbon blinked helplessly. "...Mister Cake, I don't know if you realized this, but I am a Changeling."

"Yes, I... I heard about the scandal and all--"

"An egg-laying species," Bonbon clarified. "Whose mother laid literally hundreds of eggs."

"I... see."

"So while I can kind of understand what moodswings are, I have no point of reference when you mention morning sickness."

Carrot Cake opened his mouth. Then shut it. Then he chuckled awkwardly. "Ah, well... you see... sometimes an expecting mother will wake up in the middle of the morning and... basically purge her body."

"Okay."

"From the mouth."

Bonbon stared. "...so she'll throw up."

"Yep. And it's not just the morning either."

"...Then why do they call it morning sickness? Why not pregnancy sickness or something?"

"...I have no idea."

***

"You know what I could really go for? Some pineapple burgers with rose petals."

Bonbon gave Lyra an odd look as the two of them walked home. "You've... never wanted that before..."

"It's totally a pregnancy craving."

"It's psychosomatic is what it is."

"Would you make me pineapple burgers with rose petals, Bonbon?" Lyra nuzzled the cream mare. "Because you are an amazing cook and I love you so so much."

"...fine, I'll see what we have in the pantry." The pony glanced at the doorway of their home as they approached. "Right after I find out why there's a royal guard outside our home."

The two of them approached the stern-looking stallion without fear. The reason for this was as radically different as the ponies themselves; Lyra was happier than a cat in a glade of nepeta cataria, while Bonbon was just tired of all the stares she had gotten on the way home. The guard, for his part, was giving them a measured look.

"...Right, you. Why are you in front of our house?"

"Princess Celestia has assigned a guard to the protection of this domocile and its inhabitants." The armored pegasus glowered at them. "I assume you are Lyra Heartstrings and Bonbon?"

"Yes, yes we are..." Bonbon tilted her head. "You know, we went to Twilight right after we managed to get out of sugar cube corner and explained the situation. Then we asked her if she could see about getting us a guard. That was fifteen minutes ago."

"Indeed."

"And I assume you came from Canterlot?"

"That is where the royal guard is stationed."

Lyra whistled. "Wow, when Twilight says she'll get us a guard, she doesn't screw around! Straight to the top and everything! Let me guess, your name is Razor Wit. Or Gleaming Shield. I know! Captain Equestria!"

"Lace."

"Lace." The unicorn nodded. "Nice name."

"Huh, well." Bonbon coughed. "This is... actually, why am I even surprised anymore? Today has defied all my expectations." She stepped forward. "Could we go in please?"

Lace stepped to the side, opening the door for the two of them. Bonbon rolled her eyes as Lyra hopped right in, giving the guard a long look. "Okay, first of all, the primary reason ponies fear changelings right now is that they could be anywhere or anyone they know."

"I see."

"Secondly, I don't really appreciate liars under my roof."

"Understood."

"Thirdly, that mare is pregnant with my child so if you're here to hurt her I will tear you apart right now."

Lace blinked. "...Ah. That would change things. May I reintroduce myself?"

"Be my guest."

"Lace, Protection Adept of the Hagfish hive. I was sent by Queen Myxine to contact Celestia's advisor on changelings."

Bonbon blinked. "...Queen who?"

"Myxine. Of the Hagfish hive."

"...there are other hives?"

Lace tilted her head. "Yes. I had assumed you were aware of this."

"Uh, well... no, actually." Bonbon rubbed the back of her head. "Chrysalis never told anyone anything they didn't need to know and I kind of went rogue a decade ago so... Luna would know more than me, honestly, she's the current Regent."

"Regent..."

"Queen subsidiary. Queen Dash is our Queen on paper but she's still a little too... random to lead the Hive." Bonbon shrugged. "Anyway, another hive?"

"Indeed. Queen Myxine feels that in light of our species revelation steps should be taken to ensure allegiance with Equestria and avoid total genocide. She assumed you would have advice for negotiating with the princesses."

"Uh, right now I... am honestly just riding out a lot of shocks from today. Let me just get some rest and... I can get you an answer later." She paused. "Oh, and Lyra should know the truth about you. She may not look it, but she can keep a secret."

"Understood." Lace nodded toward the door. "Do I have your permission to enter your domicile?"

"Sure... whatever."

Author's Note

And this one actually contains NO spoilers! Haha!

Lyra Is Plotting: The Second Month Is Silly

"Okay okay okay." Lyra bit her lip as she levitated a pencil in her golden aura. "Baby things. What do foal need?"

"Food, diapers, a crib, and attention."

The unicorn looked up at her wife in astonishment. "How did you know all that?"

"I was once assigned to replace a child with a drone." Bonbon shrugged awkwardly. "It was... required reading."

"Oh, right, the whole ex-spy thingy. Right, gotcha." Lyra scribbled some things down on the list. "Okay, so that's necessities. Now what do I want to pamper our little bundle of joy with?"

"...Sorry, what?"

"Toys, Bonnie!" Lyra threw up her hooves. "Toys and mobiles and whatever you give newly hatched changelings, I don't want to leave your side of the equation out."

"Some of the hatch-tenders will allow the nymphs to chase after mice that enter the nest," Lace offered in a deadpan tone.

"WHAT?!"

"A pet!" Lyra grinned, scribbling something down. "That's a great idea, thank you Lace!"

"That wasn't a pet she was describing, that was prey!"

The unicorn tilted her head. "...I thought Lace chose to be a guy?"

"I adopted a male persona during my initial infiltration due to the common view of the royal guard. I have no actual preference in that regard."

"Yeeeeup, but Equestrian is a gendered language." Lyra levitated a coin out of her saddlebags. "Suns you're a guy, moons you're a girl, deal?"

Lace stared at the coin for a few seconds.

"It's a coin spin," Bonbon explained helpfully. "She's going to set it spinning and then let go, and whichever side ends up on top determines the result."

"...Very well, it seems fair enough."

"Excellent!" Lyra set the coin on edge atop the table and with one final magical flick let it go. "Man I haven't done this in...."

She paled suddenly, tossing her notepad to Bonbon and running out of the room. "Oh marzipan-- hrk!"

Lace allowed one of her eyeplates to raise. "Is she ill?"

"I've been informed that 'morning sickness,' as it is called, is a vital part of pony pregnancy."

"How unusual--" Lace's ears perked suddenly. "Somebody is outside."

There was a knock at the door. Bonbon stood up. "How did you--?"

"It does not matter." Lace shifted into her guard form. "I will answer it."

"I'll come with you." Bonbon put on her makeup. "It is my home after all, and after that Pinkie swarm... Well, I just want to make sure of things."

Lace glanced at her momentarily with an unreadable expression. "...very well."

The two changelings, coin forgotten, cautiously made their way to the foyer. Lace stood to one side, giving Bonbon a single nod. The cream mare took a deep breath, steadying her nerves, and reached for the door handle. Each hinge gave a perfectly pitched creak as the door was slowly swung open.

"Corporal Arsenic, ma'am." A dark-coated unicorn nodded at her. "I've been assigned to protect Miss Heartstrings during her pregnancy by Princess Celestia. I take it you are Bonbon?"

"Ah." Bonbon glanced at Lace and received a slow blink. "Yep. That's me." She stepped aside. "Would you like to come in? Lyra is currently indisposed, morning sickness..."

"OH CINNAMON MY THROAT FEELS LIKE GLURRAUGUGUAAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRFFFFF!!!!"

"She also has a tendency to overexaggerate," Bonbon added casually. "She's fine. Or will be, soon enough."

"AUUUUUGUH BLUUUUGHA FURGLAWHON...."

"I hear she attacked Shining Armor once," Arsenic commented as he entered, looking around with a critical eye.

"Well, technically she attacked some guards before Shining got to her, but she did call him a coward for holding her away from him with his magic--"

Arsenic narrowed his eyes as he caught sight of the other guard. "Excuse me, but... I was informed that I was the only pony assigned to protect you two."

"Oh! Um, this is Lace. She's, uh, actually a changeling that offered to keep us safe after Lyra got pregnant." Bonbon smiled broadly. "Strange but true!"

"I apologize for the deception," Lace interjected smoothly. "Ponies simply react better to royal guards in general, and I don't want to intimidate the natives with my natural form."

The guards stared at each other for a long while. Bonbon bit her lip, unsure what to say. Lyra, for her part, was more focused on her stomach.

"...very well then." Arsenic held out a hoof. "Perhaps you and I can discuss our arrangements later?"

"But of course." Lace bumped the hoof lightly. "Coordination is critical in our business, is it not?"

"I'll have to run a background check on you, just to be sure you're safe. Procedure, and all that."

Lace smiled. "Ah. I was one of the old shadow-guards. That might prove to be... difficult."

"Hmm."

Lyra chose that moment to wander into the foyer. "Oh hey! The guard has been doubled!"

Bonbon glanced at her. "Uh, Lyra, you got a little something on..."

"Oh." Lyra wiped a hoof at her mouth. "Nothing to worry about. It's all good. Anyway, I was looking over the list we were making and I thought 'Why not now?'" She put her saddlebags on with a broad grin. "So let's go shopping!"

"...what, right now?"

"Yes! Right now!" The minty unicorn giggled brightly. "Let me just get my bit bag together and we can head out to the market." She bounced into the living room.

Bonbon shut her eyes. "Five, four, three, two..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lyra galloped back into the foyer, flinging herself to the ground. "I PUT THE COIN BACK IN BEFORE SEEING WHAT SIDE LANDED UP!"

"And there it is." Bonbon nodded. "Gents, this is my wife."

"A pleasure to meet you, ma'am." Arsenic extended a hoof.

Lyra gave it a strange look. "...wait. Are you hitting on me?"

Bonbon sighed, rubbing her forehead. They hadn't even gotten out the door and already Lyra was doing something utterly insane. Oh well, maybe she'd get it out of her system before they hit the market.

***

"PLEEEEEEEEEASE!"

"No."

"Aw, Bonnity Bon, please please please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"No."

"But I'm huuuuuuuungry! And it looks so good!"

"Lyra, there is no universe in which I would let you eat a cardboard box."

"We're buying the rompers anyway, can't I just--"

"When I say No, Lyra, I mean No." Bonbon gave her wife a pointed look. "You just threw up this morning, I'm not letting you stick something with no nutritional value in your stomach!"

"It has to have some nutritional value," Lyra grumbled angrily. "Look at Arsenic. He's been living off guard rations and he's stiff as a brick."

Arsenic rolled his eyes. "Actually, my mother made sure I ate all my hay every morning."

Lyra shot him a dark look that promised terrible things in the middle of his sleep on a moonless night. Arsenic countered with a smirk of utmost confidence. Lyra narrowed her eyes with a deadly warning. Arsenic shook his head dismissivly.

"Please stop flirting with my wife," Bonbon said as she calmly paid for the foal clothes. "You're our guard, not our concubine."

"What-- I wasn't--!"

"Hmm," Lyra mused. "He'd make an excellent concubine."

"And that's one for the job jar."

"Aw, come on Bonbon! I was just kidding--"

A cyan pegasus suddenly landed in front of the group, flicking some dirt out of her rainbow tail before giving them an awkward smile. "Hey there, Bonbon, Lyra! Er... Lace, I guess, and.... uh..." She tapped her hoof. "I could swear Twilight told me your name... new guy?"

The guard raised an eyebrow. "Corporal Arsenic."

"Okay, uh... that's an... interesting name...."

"It's a kind of poison, Rainbow Dash." Bonbon rolled her eyes. "Not whatever you were thinking."

"Wait, so it's all one word?"

Bonbon nodded, oblivious to the sudden fascination on Lyra's face as she started mouthing something to herself. "Yes. The corporal here is making sure the marketplace isn't filled with danger for two innocent mares out on--"

"Oh my gosh!" Lyra shouted. "That's horrible Dash! How could you even think that?!"

Rainbow blinked. "I uh... It... what?"

"His name!" The unicorn pointed at Arsenic. "That's just disgusting!"

There was an awkward pause.

"....aaaaaaanyway." Rainbow shook her head. "I was kinda thinking. You know how, uh, you kinda... the pheromone, thingy?"

Bonbon nodded slowly. "Yes. Um. Thank you for that by the way."

"And, um, I thought, you know, that sort of makes me... what, an aunt I guess?"

"Well..." The cream mare waggled a hoof. "Yeah, technically. I mean, Chrysalis laid both our eggs, but culturally Changelings don't really acknowledge that..."

"Yeah, that was... See, if I sort of had a part in... I was..." Rainbow kicked at the ground awkwardly. "Geeze. I'm not used to talking about this sort of thing."

"Of course you can be godmother, Rainbow," Lyra replied with a smile.

"Wait, what?!"

"Really?!" Rainbow Dash's face snapped up with a wide grin. "Oh, wow, thanks! I, uh, it's an honor of course, and, and, how about I, I dunno, I help you out while you're shopping?" She took Lyra's saddlebags and place them on her own back. "So, uh, what are we going to get next?"

Lyra shrugged. "Well, I was going to head over to the toy store and see if they had any foal-safe things--"

Dash saluted and zipped off.

"...and you just took my bit bag," Lyra finished. "Uh, Lace, would you mind going after her and telling her to meet us at the furniture store? We need to find a good crib."

Lace nodded, flapping her wings and taking off.

Bonbon sighed. "So, Rainbow Dash is now the godmother of our child. And you're buying rompers and toys--"

"And cribs. And mobiles!" Lyra grinned broadly. "Let's face it, Bonnie, our kid's going to get picked on a lot just cause they're a hybrid. Way I see it, we have to balance it out by being really loving parents, right?"

"...you really think giving them a whole lot of toys is going to somehow counter all the anti-changeling prejudice the'll get growing up?"

Lyra held up a hoof.... but let it drop with a sigh. "Bonbon... I don't know. I really don't. All I know is that it's our child, our firstborn, and... I just... I want to be able to cuddle them, be a good parent somehow, and I have no idea if I'll be good enough. Maybe, maybe spoiling them just a little will help. I mean... everybody loves good toys. And... let's be honest, you're the moral core in our family. I'm the crazy fun loving pony, I just..." She waved a hoof helplessly.

Bonbon pulled her ears back. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... Oh, come here, you." Without any warning, she wrapped her hooves around Lyra and nuzzled her cheek. "You'll be great. I know it. And we'll... help each other where we fail, okay?"

"...I... Yeah." Lyra smiled as she hugged Bonbon back. "Thanks."

"Anytime. Um, now then." Bonbon broke the hug, blushing a bit. "As much as Arsenic probably loves watching two mares love each other in public, I, uh, think we should go buy some diapers."

"Sure thing. Actually, do Changelings even use diapers?"

"...We should DEFINITELY go buy some diapers."

Lyra Is Sappy: The Third Month Is Theatrical

Lace slowly rose an eyecrest as she, for now at least, stepped up next to Arsenic. Her gaze followed his into the kitchen, landing on an undisguised Bonbon gargling water in her mouth. Every so often she would spit into the sink, pause, then fill up her glass again and start over.

"...She's been doing that for a good quarter hour," Arsenic reported slowly. "I... don't know why, and I don't think she's stopped long enough for me to get a decent answer." He glanced at Lace. "Is this a changeling thing?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Ah." Arsenic nodded to himself. "I'd call it a personal quirk, but I've been here a month and this is the first time I've seen this."

Bonbon spat into the sink, glared at them for a few seconds, then started filling up her glass with a dark mutter.

Lace tilted her head for a few seconds.

Bonbon sighed, rolling her eyes as she gargled.

"...Ah." The changeling guard nodded. "I've seen some of the gatherers scrape their tongues on the edge of their holes."

Bonbon paused midgargle. Then she spat out her water and stuck out a long blue tongue, scratching it down with one of the pits of her legs.

Arsenic flicked his eyes toward Lace. "Might I ask what just happened?"

"Mindlink, I asked her what she was doing. Apparently, she and Lyra were kissing, and then Lyra had morning sickness."

The stallion took a few seconds to process this. Then he turned around smartly and walked toward the front door, intent on starting his patrol. Lace rolled her eyes, letting a green flame surround her as she took on her guard form and whisked around to join him.

"LAAAAAAACE!" Lyra bounded down the stairs. "LOOK AT ME!"

The pegasus stallion, as he was at the time, gave the green unicorn a bemused glance. "Yes...?"

Lyra reared up, pointing her hooves at herself. "I'VE GOTTA BELLY! LOOKIT!"

"...Ah. So you do."

The unicorn beamed. "Oh juniper beans, do you know what this means?! I've never had a belly before! I mean I have, but something about my metabolism meant I wasn't ever really overweight, which means all the girls were jealous of me, but I was always like no way gals guys need something to grip my mom said so, so in college I tried to get as much food as I could but it all went to my flanks--"

"It's very grippable," Lace offered simply. "I'm sure Bonbon is very pleased," she added as an afterthought.

"Yeah, see... Bonbon is always going to think I'm sexy, cause she loves me. Which is why I'm asking what you think."

Lace blinked twice.

"...Is the blinking twice when you're shocked a changeling thing? Cause I've seen Twilight do it and I know she ain't no changeling."

"I... have no opinion," Lace admitted slowly. "I have honestly never thought about the physical attractiveness of ponies before."

"Oh." Lyra lowered herself back to all fours. "Well horseradishes... I guess I'll have to ask Arsenic when we go out shopping today."

"It's actually not as grippable as it looks," Bonbon commented as she finally emerged from the kitchen. "It's... firm, if that makes any sense. Like a really thick fuzzy balloon."

"Well, duh, it's my uterus, not raw fat." Lyra shrugged, turning her tail to Bonbon and flicking it around a bit. "You still think my patootie is cute, right?"

Bonbon sighed. "Yes, Lyra, you have a very cute patootie."

"Yay!"

The changeling put a hoof to her forehead. "I'm never going to live that one down, am I?"

"Nope!" Lyra beamed broadly. "And I probably won't ever live down calling your thorax thrilling."

Lace quirked an eyecreast at Bonbon. "She finds your thorax thrilling?"

"Aheh, well, uh..." Bonbon's cheeks flushed green as she glanced away. "It's... I just... shopping! Yes. We need to go out shopping for, uh, um--"

"Maternity clothes!" Lyra provided helpfully.

"Right! Those." The changeling nodded furiously. "Whatever those are."

"Basically they're dresses that make pregnant ponies feel fancy," Lyra explained. "I don't know why, but it's tradition to buy them."

"....I... you know what, I'm not even going to question it." Bonbon flickered through some green fire and put on her saddlebags. "Let's head over to Rarity's and see if she has anything like that."

Lyra smiled as they walked out the door, Lace falling into pace behind them. "They're usually on sale after Harvest day so--Oh! Arsenic! I HAVE A BELLY! LOOK AT IT!"

"...It's very nice," the stallion replied, glancing at the changelings awkwardly.

"YES! VINDICATION!"

Bonbon groaned. "She's going to be going on about this all day now..."

***

"Oh my goodness!" cooed the blue mare as she gently placed a hoof on Lyra's bulging belly. "You look marvelous!"

"Awww, thank you! She's due in, like eight months!" Lyra giggled. "Or he. I don't know!"

"Oh, going for a surprise?" The mare giggled, turning to Arsenic. "You and your wife are very brave."

Bonbon rolled her eyes. "Actually, I'm the father."

The blue mare stared at her.

"...changeling," Bonbon explained helpfully. "I'm wearing my make-up now, but--"

"Oh! Oh. Oh." The blue mare blushed. "That... that works, does it? Oh, I.... well. Good luck to you both!" She smiled at the pair and walked off a bit too quickly.

After a moment Bonbon turned to Lyra. "Who even was that?"

"I dunno. I think her name's either Shoeshine or Linky."

"You just let a random mare touch your belly?!"

Lyra cringed. "Hey, it made her happy, and this is something to celebrate!"

Bonbon put a hoof to her face. "You--I--that pony could have.... done... something!"

"If she had tried," Arsenic calmly stated, "I would have stopped her."

"Ponies are a very social mammal," Lace offered. "A concern towards or affection of developing fetuses and their bearers is only to be expected."

Lyra, Bonbon, and Arsenic all stared at her.

"...I observe, as is my job, and theorize to predict potential assaults." Lace flicked her tail casually. "That they lead to observations and theories not related to my task is not unusual."

Lyra snorted. "It's more the cold way that you said it that bugs me."

"I apologize. I did not realize that ponies viewed an ordinary biological function in such a serious manner."

"Ordinary biological--?! Listen here, you..."

During the next three seconds, Arsenic was witness to a number of small events. Lyra's eyes flicked sideways to meet Bonbon's, which widened for a moment before the cream mare's ear twitched ever so slightly. Lace's own ear shivered, her eyes sliding to Bonbon; the pair of them began twitching their ears back and forth. With a final twitch, Lace let her body tense very slightly, braced for impact; only then did Bonbon nod at Lyra, rolling her eyes.

"It's not just a case of reproduction," Lyra sang, "or population control! When a pony decides to grow a foal they're giving part of their soul!"

She twirled around, tapping her hooves in a rhythm as they trotted down the road. "Being a mom is so much more than just the act of giving birth, it means that you're the guide for someone's life on this earth! It's a big responsibility, and no matter who you ask, you'll find they'll call it the most glorious of tasks! Oh, can't you see--"

"Can't you see can't you see--" echoed Bonbon with a faint smile.

"This is a promise between the foal and me! Don't you know--"

"Don't you know don't you know--"

"I'm the one that gets to watch them grow! I can't tell what will happen, but be there joy or strife, this might be the most important thing in my liiiiiiiife!"

The mint unicorn held her standing position for a moment.

"I just hope I do alright."

The four of them entered Carousal Boutique, Bonbon greeting Rarity, but Lyra was still focused on her song. "It's not that I think I'm a bad pony, I just wonder if I'm good enough. There are so many ways I feel that I'm not quite up to snuff!" She gazed in the mirror as Rarity slipped a maternity dress onto her. "Will I be able to keep my kid on the side of right? Will me and him ever have a big dramatic fight?"

"You should think of the good things," Bonbon suggested, "think of hugs and smiles! And don't stress too much, hon, you know that it's going to be a while!"

"Can't you see--"

"Can't you see can't you see--" echoed Arsenic and Lace.

"This is a promise between the foal and thee! Don't you know--"

"Don't you know don't you know--"

"You're the one that get to watch them grow! I don't know what will happen, if there will be joy or strife, but this is the most important thing in your liiiiiiiife!"

Bonbon held Lyra's cheek, giving her a warm smile.

"And I'm sure you'll do alright."

Lyra smiled as she stepped off the dressing stage, walking out with Arsenic and Lace. Bonbon followed, her own face falling into a frown. "Trust me on this Lyra, you're anything but bad. I'm actually more worried about how I'll be as a dad. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do and I'm worried somehow I'll do something wrong by you."

Lyra turned back. "Don't you worry, Bonbon, I know that you'll do just fine! Our child will be amazing because of our powers combined!"

"Can't you see--" they sang together.

"Can't you see can't you see--" echoed the ponies around them.

"This is a promise between you and me! Don't you know--"

"Don't you know don't you know--"

"We're the ones that get to watch them grow! We've no clue what will happen, there will be joy and strife, all we know is this is the most important thing in our liiiiiiiiife!"

The two of them stood, gazing into each other's eyes as they gripped each other's shoulders.

"And we know... we absolutely know that we'll do alright."

Bonbon leaned forward, kissing Lyra deeply. "Thank you."

"Heh. No prob." Lyra smiled back.

Lace shook her head. "Mnnng. How often should I expect something like that?"

"In this town?" Lyra shrugged. "About once a month."

Arsenic looked between the two of them. "Am... I missing something?"

Bonbon sighed, releasing the hug and turning to him. "It's something about heartsongs. If a changeling isn't part of a heartsong, they'll give us... headaches. Kind of weird, but Lyra is kind enough to give me a little warning."

"Ah."

"Like a nascent hive..." Lace shook her head. "Ugh. Well. I suppose we should--"

She whirled around suddenly, narrowing her eyes at a suited pony. "Not. One step closer."

The stallion halted, a small smile on his face. "I'm here to deliver a letter, nothing more."

Lace frowned. "I find that hard to believe."

"Ah, but I have the letter right here!" The stallion pulled an envelope from his waistcoat pocket. "For one miss Bonbon, from the Ponyville courts. She's being accused of magical assault and coercion."

Lyra Is Genteel: The Fifth Month Is Flirtatious

"Lyra, what are you doing?"

"I'm making a doghouse!"

"...out of the bricks that ponies throw through our windows?"

Lyra waved her spade at Bonbon. "It's called ironic repurposing. They want to attack us? I use their attacks for useful things!"

"Lyra, we don't have a pet. That's not nearly enough bricks to make a doghouse. And you're four and a half months pregnant." Bonbon bit her lip. "I don't know if you should be doing manual labor right now..."

"Well I don't want to be cooped up in my own home for who knows how long worrying about random brick throwers." The unicorn stuck her tongue out petulantly, before turning back to her project.

"Where did you even get the cement?"

Lyra glanced around furtively. "I... know some ponies."

Bonbon brought her hoof to her face. "Please tell me you didn't do anything illegal..."

The unicorn paused, considering her spade. After a moment, she put it down. "And now I'm feeling the morning sickness coming."

"Lyra!"

"Nope, totes serious." Lyra galloped for the door. "Sorry Bonbon, we'll continue this after I finish puking!"

"It's two thirty PM! It's nowhere near the morning!"

"HARFLBLARFIGANIFA..."

The changeling groaned. "Sometimes I could swear she times these things..."

***

"YES. OH MY YES. THIS IS SO YES."

Lyra squeezed the plush in her magic, rubbing her face against it. "This is just perfect! I think our kid would love this, what do you think?" She levitated the plush doll over to the decidedly unamused Bonbon. "It's adorable!"

"It's Chrysalis."

"It's still adorable!"

"It's an insult to changelings everywhere is what it is. If we buy it, I'm going to burn it." Bonbon looked around the brightly coolored toy store, and eventually plucked a stuffed bear off a nearby shelf. "Aren't these considered more normal?" she asked, holding it out for her wife to examine.

Lyra grimaced. "Ew, bears. Bears are like... big muscle mounds with loads of teeth, and they smell funny. I am not going to teach our kid to like bears."

"Right." Bonbon put the stuffed animal back. "I forgot we don't like normal for a second there..."

"Normalcy and us have a permanent mutual embargo," Lyra agreed brightly.

Bonbon snorted. "Lyra, I was being sarcastic."

"I wasn't!" Lyra chirped brightly. "We're the quirkiest quirks that ever did quirk! QUIRK IT BABY!"

Bonbon tried her hardest to avoid snickering as Lyra suddenly started swishing her hips back and forth, her bulging belly swaying a few seconds after the tail. But the fact of the matter was the whole scene was so ridiculous, she couldn't help but let out a little giggle. "S-Stop that! We're in public!"

"Smooth Lyra don't care." The unicorn danced up to Bonbon, hipbumping her shoulder. "Smooth Lyra just keeps moving. She's so smoooooth."

"Pfft, Ly, Lyra, toy store. Foals will be around." Bonbon spun around, putting a firm hoof on the unicorn's withers. "I don't want you to get in trouble again..."

Lyra stopped her prancing, her ears folded back. "Oh. Right. The whole... thing, with the taboo about telling... yeah." She kicked the floor idly. "I was actually liking the dance, though..."

Bonbon bit her lip.

After a moment, she put her other hoof on Lyra's hip, giving her a gentle smile. "I prefer a waltz, myself."

Lyra blinked, her ears perking. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Green hooves took their place on black chitin. "Well, who am I to turn down a dance with a beautiful woman?"

The two of them spun slowly through the aisles of the toy store, shopping forgotten in the moment as they danced to a song that only they could hear, watched by the eyes of a few hundred stuffed animals, action figures, gamebox art portraits, and one frowning pegasus who left the building shortly thereafter.

***

"So when did Arsenic and Lace say they'd be done with the whole help out the town thinger thing?"

Bonbon rolled her eyes. "Around five. We're meeting them at Sugarcube corner for dinner, remember?"

Lyra nodded, absently glancing around the town square as they walked through. "Hard to believe only a week ago this place was covered in Great and Powerful banners."

"Ugh..." Bonbon shuddered. "At least it got the heat off of us for a while..."

"I keep telling you, the trial was horseapples." Lyra waved a hoof. "More than likely one pony from Ponyville, three at the most, traveled throughout Equestria to find other ponies who were afraid or hated changelings. That's like, less then half a percent of the total population of Ponyville! It was an outlier. A very determined outlier. That's all."

"I know, I know...." Bonbon sighed. "It's just.. the idea that I would actually... to the pony I love...! It gets to me."

"Well, it's all over now." Lyra grinned broadly as they turned down Broadhoof lane. "Smooth sailing from here on out..."

Bonbon didn't reply.

"...Bonbon?"

"We're being followed." She flicked her mane. "Pegasus, high left."

"Well... maybe he's just curious?"

"...sure." Bonbon shrugged. "Maybe he... oh silk."

Two earth ponies had just exited a nearby bookstore, their saddlebags completely empty, and were marching toward them with matching frowns.

"Lyra, run." Bonbon crouched low, her eyes flicking between the two earth ponies rapidly. "They're after me, not you."

Lyra shook her head. "What?! No! Whatever happens, we'll face it together--"

"Lyra Heartstrings you are five months pregnant with our foal and that means you need to get out of here now. Find Arsenic and Lace and get them back here, do you understand?"

"...Yes ma'am." The unicorn turned around... only to find two other unicorns walking with clear intent. "Uh, cancel that, we're boxed in."

Bonbon glanced behind her for a moment and scoffed. "You took on the royal guard once!"

"Yeah, but I wasn't five months pregnant then!"

Bonbon groaned, looking around quickly. "Come on, this way!" She rushed down a nearby alleyway, leading Lyra behind a set of trash cans and unopened crates. "Set up a barricade, I'll try to lead them away!"

"Got it!" Lyra's horn lit up as she began slamming wooden boxes together to form a ramshackle wall. "What are these even doing here anyway?"

Bonbon buzzed up into the air. "Who cares? See you later h--OOF!"

The next thing Bonbon knew, she was slammed into the ground by the scowling pegasus. "I knew it! You're hypnotizing ponies into trapping themselves in alleyways so you can PLANT YOUR SPAWN IN THEM!"

"...what?"

"He said he's an ignorant douchbag conspiracy theorist," Lyra supplied helpfully from behind the crates. "Oh, also, GET YOUR DIRTY HOOVES OFF MY WIFE OR I WILL RIP YOU APART!"

"What's the matter, changeling?" The pegasus pounded his hoof against the chest. "You afraid to fight without your thrall?"

"Oh please, I know how this goes. The moment I attack one of you, you'll run off to whoever and say that I started it, blah de blah de blah."

"Don't worry Lyra," the pegasus snarled, his eyes darting to the four ponies now galloping into the alley. "We'll have you free of the bug's mind control soon enough."

"Oh, fine, sure, you think I'm controlling her now!" Bonbon grumbled. "Where were you half a year ago when I tried to get her out of prison by claiming I hypnotized her?!"

"So you admit it!"

"Oh for the love of--!"

"You two, hold her down!" the pegasus barked, gesturing toward the earth ponies. "Verdant, Shimmer, find whatever spell she's using and rip it apart." The pegasus turned to the barrier, wings flaring. "No doubt she's going to try to use her power over Lyra to her advantage. I'll have to hold her back."

"You ain't getting past my wall of wooden crates!" A trash bag was hurled over the boxes. "EAT GARBAGE, YOU GARBAGE EATING GARBAGE!"

"AUGH!" The pegasus stumbled back as half-eaten meals, shreds of containers, and used diapers exploded over his face. "Bleaghu pfft! Ugh! The things I endure for justice..."

"See?" Bonbon shouted, struggling against the hooves pinning her down. "If I were controlling her I'd have made her make a much better quip!"

"YEAH! Hey wait a minute..."

"Mere words will not belay deliverance of truth! Or justice!" The pegasus glowered at the crates. "NOR WILL THROWING GARBAGE AT ME!"

The two unicorns knelt down, their horns glowing as they waved them slowly over the writhing changeling's head. Bonbon winced at the magic currently prodding inelegantly at her mental self, letting out a little grunt of pain. "Could you two be more blunt with your magic, please? I don't have nearly enough of a headache as is."

"She's not defending," one of them muttered. "This is too easy."

Bonbon growled and winced again. "Come on! You can see I'm not casting anything!"

"I can't find anything...." The other unicorn looked up. "Windbreaker, there's no constant spell. We can't break what isn't being cast."

"But how...?" Windbreaker paused. "Of course. It's a dormant spell on Lyra... Quickly! We must get past this wall of flimsy crates!"

"YOU COME ANY CLOSER AND IT'S FACE DIAPERS FOR EVERYPONY!" A garbage bag hovered menacingly over the boxes, gripped in a golden glow. "I'M SERIOUS! THIS HOUSE IS HOME TO NEWBORNS AND I HAVE REAPED THE SPOILS!"

The pegasus stared at the bag, his wings caught midflap. Some of the trash dripped off his leg and onto the ground.

"...Alright then." He turned back to the unicorns. "Plan C."

Once more the two horns lowered to Bonbon's head, but this time the force against her mind was not limited to a simple prod. No, it was a rippling mass of untrained clutching tentacles trying trying trying around and gripping and prying and she struck back quick and hard but they struck harder and she yelled as one cast a pain spell and the other reached in in the moment of weakness and every memory jumbled round and up and about and oh Lyra you are so so sorry Rainbow I'm so sorry you are such a bitch Chrysalis you can just go and jump off a slice of pie please miss Cake I have the bits right here is where she is buried Twilight what are you going to do wait that sound that sound that sound what is that sound--

Screaming. Familiar screaming. Not of terror...

Rage.

The crates burst apart, Windbreaker covering his eyes as wooden splinters scattered through the alley. He barely had time to look up before he was slammed to the ground, a golden glow pinning him in place. Lyra glowered at him for only a moment before her face snapped to the four ponies surrounding Bonbon, glaring at them through glowing white eyes.

"She's surging.... She's surging!" One of the unicorns backed away. "RUN! SURGING PREGNANT UNICORN!"

With an inarticulate cry of pure fury, Lyra lit her horn.

The next few minutes... Bonbon, still recovering from her own torture, wasn't quite sure what happened. She knew she had never seen Lyra's magic so bright. And ponies probably shouldn't bounce off the walls so quickly and repeatedly. And... was that a rope spell...? There was just so much going on.

By the time she had managed to get on her hooves, though, it was all over. Lyra was panting heavily, her eyes beginning to loose their mystic glow.

"What..." Bonbon looked at the unconscious ponies for a moment, before turning back to her wife. "What was that?"

"Surge." Lyra smiled giddily, walking to the changeling and nuzzling her. "Pregnant unicorns, if they feel really threatened, can become very dangerous, for, uh, very short periods of time... I'mgonafaintnowkay?"

She collapsed at Bonbon's feet.

Lyra Is Scared: The Sixth Month is Startling

"Mmmmbrlglmmph... somebody... alarm... turn it ooooooooff..."

Lyra's eyelids slowly pried themselves apart as she blearily took in her surroundings. There was a lot of blue, but various smudges of different shades floated around her vision. A black shape framed in pink moved closer to her, two vaguely roundish pink splotches peering at her as it murmured incoherently.

"Pinky black... Bonity bon..." Lyra giggled, before letting out a groan. "Ringing... ringing everywhere... I... you and... face diapers?" She jolted up suddenly. "The foal! The foal, is the foal--?!"

A firm but friendly black limb forced her back down. "...s alright... oal is fi..."

"Foal is fine?"

The black smudge nodded, gaining more definition. "Yes, Lyra... the foal is fine."

"Ooooh. Oh. Oh goody..." Lyra slumped down. "This is the hospital, isn't it...?"

"Yes."

She blinked, trying to clear her eyes of whatever was smudging up her view. "Paprika... Everything's blurry. I remember... the gang attacked us... I threw face diapers... you were mind assaulted and... I surged. I fainted, right?"

"Gave me quite a scare," the Bonsmudge confirmed. "I was able to get you to the hospital quickly enough, though."

Lyra nodded, trying to gather her thoughts from the random meandering of partial consciousness. "How long... how long was I out?"

The paired pink smudges turned away for a moment.

"...Bonbon. How long?"

"...They... four days."

"Four days?" Lyra shook her head. "No, see, that doesn't make sense. Surges, even the powerful ones, they only conk you out for like half a day at the most! Bonbon, what's going on?"

The changeling sighed. "I... Arsenic and Lace are outside. I'll go tell one of them to tell the doctors you woke up."

"Bonbon!"

"I'm not leaving! I'm just..." The smudge backed off, slithering toward a rectangle of brown. "Lyra... I think it would be best for a doctor to tell you."

"Talk to me, Bonbon." Lyra took a breath. "Please... tell me. What's going on? Why is everything blurry? Why am I so tired...? I'm scared..."

Bonbon froze, her hoof over the doorknob. Medical screens beeped, dutifully monitoring the state of the unicorn's body as her mind jumbled back and forth.

"...alright."

The black smudge flowed back to her, and she felt a chitinous hoof wrap gently around her shoulder.

"...The way the doctors explained it to me..." Bonbon clicked her tongue. "When... whenever a unicorn surges, there's a part of the brain, a shut off valve, that stops all the magic from going all at once. A horn can only take so many thaums at once, after all, and you do use magical energy in... a lot of your body processes. But..."

The hoof gripped Lyra's shoulder a bit tighter.

"...Lyra, you know I love you. So please, please don't take this the wrong way. It's just... the way your brain is, the same thing that makes you bipolar... it, um, it also... broke the valve."

"...What?"

"All the magic in your body, every last thaum, it all escaped at once. I didn't get a good look, but I know your horn was shining almost as brightly as the sun... the doctors say that I was spared, since I was on the ground, but they thought you might have been blinded by the light--"

"Wait wait, hold on." Lyra took a breath. "I... I know, I know for a fact, unicorns--ponies in general, actually--we can't survive without magical energy in our bodies. It's a necessity! And, and you need to feed off the magic that I shape with my love, you'll starve--"

"Lyra, relax. It's not... ponies can go for three weeks without magic," Bonbon explained. "At least, that's what the doctors say. Don't worry, though, they figured out a way to get enough magic into your system. And I've got enough stored away to last till you're better, worst comes to worst I'll just nip some Philos off of our friends... we'll survive."

"Oh, that's... okay. Yeah." Lyra nodded. "More pills, I... I can handle more pills."

Bonbon glanced away. "...Listen... about the pills..."

Lyra's breath hitched. "...They're not pulling my pills. Tell me they're not pulling my pills."

"...Lyra, your magic... the pills... See, you know how it's a bad idea to drink alcohol while you're pregnant?"

"Well, yeah. The alcohol loosens your magical biodefense and can get to--Oh no." Lyra's eyes went wide. "Have... Have I been posioning the foal all this time--?"

"No!" Bonbon put another hoof on Lyra's other shoulder. "Your magical immune system was preventing the pills from reaching your uterus, it was fine. But... now that you don't have much magical energy, the doctors... they think that won't work anymore."

"Oh no..." Lyra shivered. "Oh no oh no oh no.... this isn't good."

"Lyra--"

"No, Bonbon, you don't understand. You've seen me go a day without the pills. You haven't... you haven't seen me go a week, a month--"

"Lyra, it's only until your magic builds up again--"

"I am legitimately crazy without those things!" The unicorn's breath grew quick and ragged. "I could be very, very dangerous--I could become, I could be--"

Suddenly Lyra felt something press against her lips. Something flexible and cool and familiar and calming. Her body tensed for a moment, before slowly relaxing, and she leaned forward to return the kiss almost instinctively.

Eventually, Bonbon pulled away. "In sickness and in health. That's what I promised. And I swear, Lyra Heartstrings, there is absolutely nothing that you could do that would drive me away."

"I... oh... Bons, please. Don't make promises you can't keep..."

"You know I never do, Lyra." Bonbon nuzzled the unicorn's cheek. "And it's not just me anymore. Arsenic and Lace are there to help out now."

"That might not be enough!"

"Two trained guards?"

"Well, yeah, but they're royal guards--"

"Lace is with the Hagfish Hive," Bonbon reminded her flippantly. "Which means she isn't incompetent."

Lyra bit her lip. "...still... Ah... hmm." She glanced away from the black blur. "I just... this is... all at once. And I'm pregnant on top of that. Or is it all this on top of the pregnancy? Bonbon, am I fat?"

"Um. Hmm. Well, you're... large, but most of that isn't actually fat." Bonbon tilted her head. "Why are you asking this?"

"I don't know, I'm still a little woozy and where is my head from waking up. And all my magic drained, which means I can't telekinesis stuff anymore. And also got blurvision, can't forget that. Oh, there it goes," she added brightly, "I'm panicking again. Oh horseradish these next few weeks are going to be horrible for everypony..."

"Lyra. Lyra, focus on me. Listen to me. I will make absolutely sure we get through this. Okay?"

"...Okay. Okay..." Lyra shivered. "Bon.... the ponies. The ponies that attacked us--"

"They were..." Bonbon hesitated. "...some of them are still... here, in the hospital. The ones who have already been treated are behind bars."

"Are... are they going to die?"

The changeling glanced away for a moment. "I... I don't think so. I'm not sure, I didn't bother checking on them after...." She trailed off, letting her hoof whisper down Lyra's foreleg.

The unicorn nodded quietly, reaching over and gripping it firmly. "Doesn't matter. You, you're alive.... foal's alive... That's the important thing right now. Us. Family. Yes."

A knock came from the door. Lyra blinked in confusion. "What... who is that?"

"Probably a doctor..." Bonbon shrugged helplessly, gently pulling her hoof back. "It is a hospital after all. Come in!"

The door swung wide, admitting two golden outlines with white highlights... or was it white outlines with golden highlights? Lyra squinted as a third outline, far larger than the other two, stepped into the room. There were golden highlights on this one too, but they weren't as big as the other two and the whole thing was framed in a shifting cloud of colors...

"Bonbon, I don't think those are doctors."

The large white outline gave a small chuckle. "That would be correct, miss Lyra."

"Wait a minute, I know that voice..." Lyra peered at the white shape. "Good cinnamon and pumpernickel! You're... You're..."

She paused dramatically, allowing Bonbon to let out a preemptive sigh.

"Princess Blurestia!"

"My apologies, Princess. Lyra has an... odd sense of humor at the best of times, and as you can see she's..." Bonbon gestured. "Well, she's a little loopy right now. Also, with all due respect, why are you here?"

"I came to give my most humble apologies to one of my citizens." Celestia shook her head and sighed. "I've done my best to encourage integration of changelings into Equestria after the events surrounding my niece's wedding, but... well, as you can see, there are some who would take matters into their own hooves. If I had known--"

"We of course accept your public apology for these events, but let's cut to the chase. You're not going to visit every pony or changeling attacked by bigots personally." Bonbon glowered at the princess. "Why are you really here?"

Celestia took a breath. "Guards... please wait outside."

The two other outlines stepped into the hall, shutting the door behind them.

"...I was not lying about trying to encourage integration. Chrysalis's arrogance aside, the fact of the matter is Canterlot nearly fell, and our defense against the invasion the first time is not likely to occur again. Peace is always preferable to paranoia.." Celestia let out a resigned sigh. "Unfortunately, the changelings that formerly were in Chrysalis's hive have... splintered quite a bit. Various microhives and single rogues have broken off and their position and action is lost to us. On top of that, Queen Myxine is trying to use her new alliance with Equestria to gain more leverage... and there's the other major hives we know of, but have little information about."

"The point, Celestia."

The princess gave an amused huff. "I do tend to ramble, forgive me." She stepped forward, coming to the side of the bed that Lyra was lying on. "In point of fact, this pregnancy and the relationship leading up to it has been cited again and again when the subject of integration came up. Its progression, and its results, are of a fair amount of political importance... and that's not to mention the responsibilities that parenthood forces."

Lyra blanched. "Oh salt... I think I'm gonna be sick..."

Bonbon snorted. "So we're your favored pawns in this game? Fine. Why weren't we better protected then?"

"...I was... overly optimistic." Celestia glanced away. "I had assumed that our nation, founded on the unification of the three tribes, would be inherently welcoming."

"Right," Bonbon growled. "You made a mistake. You've apologized. But you know what? Sorry doesn't fix our broken windows, or pay the hospital bills, or change the fact that I was accused of rape and then mindraped by your oh so loving ponies! Lyra is going to need delicate assistance for I don't know how long because of all that!"

"No seriously, I'm really going to be sick here."

"The crown will, of course, pay for your medical expenses and home repair bills. I'll also increase guard presence in Ponyville--"

"AND! And you'll see to it that somepony can help us out for the next few months!"

"Of course. Do you have any other requests?"

Lyra turned to Celestia, opened her mouth to speak--

"HURGALLLPHLARGHPHAAAAAaaaa....."

The sound of medical screens was joined, very quietly, by a slow dripping noise.

Bonbon smiled. "No, I think that just about covers it."

"...quite." Celestia nodded, very very slowly. "If you will excuse me...."

Lyra is Bipolar: The Interlude is Interesting

"Bonbon, I'm scared." Lyra hugged the changeling tightly. "I'm scared I'll do something crazy and you'll leave me and I know it's irrational but I'm so scared, Bonbon, tell me you'll never leave me."

"Lyra, I'll never leave you."

"Why can't I believe that?" The unicorn clutched at her wife. "I want to believe that! I want to, I do, but I can't!"

"You're having one of your panic attacks, hon." Bonbon petted her wife gently. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

Lyra whimpered, pressing her face into the changeling's thorax. "Please don't leave me..."

***

"OH my sweet CElestIA! LOOK AT THIS TABLE!"

"...It's our coffee table, Lyra."

"I just LOVE this table. It is RAD! TOTALLY RAD!" Lyra sprawled on the table, letting her swollen belly droop across the table. "Oh wow. HEY ARSENIC! DO I LOOK SEXY ON THIS TABLE?!"

"I'm not going to answer that with your wife in the room." Arsenic rolled his eyes, glancing out the window carefully.

Lyra nodded to herself. "I totally do. Hey Bonbon! Wanna take a picture?"

The changeling chuckled. "Why do I need to do that? You look sexy all the time."

"Well, yeah, but I'm not pregnant all the time! Oh oh oh!" Lyra spread one leg into the air, trying to look over her large baby bump. "Are my breasts growing in? I thought I felt something earlier, you know..."

"...Breasts?"

"You know, like udders. Only we have two of them, not four like cows, and they only grow in when we're pregnant."

Bonbon frowned, tilted her head, and suddenly gave a gasp of recognition. "Oh, so THAT'S what those two bumps are for! They did start feeling a little swollen a few weeks ago, yes, but the doctor gave you a clean bill of health so I thought I was just imagining things."

"Oh, neat! I wonder how big they'll be!"

Bonbon shrugged. "If they're anything like cow udders, probably pretty huge."

***

Lyra slumped into the couch, her forehooves dangling over the edge and trailing softly over the grain of the floorboards. "...you know, I don't know if there's really any point."

Bonbon glanced over her shoulder. "Any point in what?"

"In... you know, anything." The unicorn flicked an ear. "We're not going to live forever. Heck, we're not even going to live that long. I mean, Celestia does, but... she's so, you know, distant." She rolled over halfway, staring at her flank. "Special talent, ha. Anypony can make music..."

"Lyra." Bonbon walked over, kneeling down to look her wife in the eye. "You're important to me. You're special to me. You give me a reason to live."

"...yeah?"

"Yeah."

Lyra sighed. "I'm sorry, I just... I guess I'm on the depressive end of the cycle right now. I really wish I could take my pills..."

The changeling nuzzled her fondly. "You'll be okay. You're strong, Lyra. You can survive this."

"...yeah..."

***

"Bonbon!" Lyra draped herself over her wife, kissing her neck. "Have I mentioned you look sexy? Cause you look sexy. Reeeeeeally sexy."

"Lyra, I'm in the middle of making candies for my shop."

"It takes thirty minutes for those things to come out of the oven. Come oooooon," she whined, "I'm just really horny all of the sudden."

"...Fine. Arsenic, stay out of the kitchen until I say you can come in!"

***

"I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS!"

Bonbon let out a resigned breath as her wife punched the couch again. "Lyra, sweetheart, you know that Celestia's taken care of them--"

"If it weren't for those DOG RUTTING SPAWN OF TARTARUS INBRED IDIOTS, I wouldn't BE like this!" Lyra growled, stalking around the living room. "Just thinking about their faces, I just--I can't--GRRAARGH!" She bucked at the couch with an inarticulate scream of pure rage.

The changeling winced. "...Lyra? Sweetheart--"

"I just broke the couch, didn't I."

"...it's still usable," Bonbon managed. "We can still sit on it, or lay on it."

"....Why am I so stupid..."

"You're not stupid, hon. I mean... you figured out the face diapers, right? That was pretty clever..."

"Yeah, sure it was..."

***

"And then, hee, and then I said 'Face Daipers for all! I have reaped the spoils!'" Lyra cracked up, leaning into the guard. "Oh, you should have been there, Lace, it was hilARious!"

Lace's ear flicked. "I'm.... sure." She very carefully pushed the unicorn into a sitting position.

"HAHAHHHAhaaaa, ha. Oh my gosh." Lyra leaned back into the guard. "You know something Lace? You're, like, my second favorite Changeling. Nothing tops Bonbon, don't get me wrong, but YOU!" She jabbed a hoof into the changeling's chest. "You have a sense of humor."

Without any expression at all, Lace pushed Lyra back into her sitting position. "I doubt that very much."

"Pfffffhahahahahahahahahaha! Like that! JUST like that!" The unicorn burst out in another fit of giggles, wrapping a hoof around Lace's shoulders. "I tell you, you and I? Comedy routine! We could, like, out-comedy Pinkie Pie herself!"

Very carefully, the changeling reached up, grabbed the green hoof, removed it from herself, and pushed Lyra back into a sitting position. "...if that is to happen," she managed, "I would suggest waiting until your magic comes back. Without it, I can't detect anything from you and it's... quite frankly disturbing."

"....SUCH a KIDder!" Lyra burst out cackling, falling onto Lace. "Bonbon should be here, heheeeeheehehehehee, cause, cause she is MISSING OUT!"

***

"Booooonnnnniiiiiiiiie.... I neeeeeeeeeeed yoooooou.... let me iiiiiiiiiiin!"

"I'm on the toilet, Lyra!"

The unicorn groaned, stretching her hooves up the door and whimpering. "I'm not kidding, Bonbon... I think I'm going to start humping this door soon--"

"GAH! Alright, fine, give--give me a few seconds, and I'll unlock the door!"

***

Lyra curled on the tile floor, sucking at her tail quietly.

Bonbon sighed, rubbing her shoulders. "...tell me what's going on."

"I'm, I'm such a burden right now," Lyra whispered. "I'm so, flighty, I.... I can't control what I feel, I can't even predict it...How are you still with me? This is too much..."

"In sickness and in health," Bonbon recited softly. "That's what I promised, and I live up to my promises."

"Bonbon, I, I broke a couch, I flirted with a guard, I, I needed sex twice, and, and it's only been two hours since I woke up!" Lyra wrapped herself tighter. "It's going to get worse, it's going to get much much worse. I don't even know if I'm still the pony you fell in love with... I want my pills. I want to be stable. I want out of this madness--"

"It's only for a few weeks," Bonbon murmured reassuringly. "And I'm here for you. And Arsenic is here for you, and Lace is here for you, and everypony in Ponyville knows to treat you with care--"

"Everypony knows?!"

Bonbon winced. "Well.... Celestia did come to town," she admitted reluctantly. "So most ponies know that you're... really shaken by the attack, even if they don't know all the details..."

The unicorn whimpered. "This is bad... they're going to call me the crazy unicorn--"

"Shhshhshh, it's fine. They won't treat you any different. Nopony is going to think any less of you, even if they do find out."

"I'm not safe... I'm not safe, I need to go to some, some asylum or--"

Bonbon hugged her wife tightly. "Stay with me. I'll keep you safe." She let her hooves travel down to Lyra's belly. "I'll keep you both safe."

"Yeah... yeah. Yeah!" Lyra slowly began to smile. "Yeah, you're right! You're right, you can do anything. You know so much, Bonbon, and I... You know, I don't say this a lot, but I really appreciate all the little things that you do for me, and I've come to rely on them so much. I love you, Bonbon. I love you a lot, and you're just... amazing." She giggled. "Screw the princesses, you should be on the throne! Let's stage a coup!"

Bonbon smiled. "Maybe after the foal's born."

"Yeah, alright, sure." Lyra stood up, walking toward the door with a sway in her step. "But we can tease Arsenic, right?"

"He's not going to react at all, you know." Bonbon grinned. "I'm starting to think he's gay! You go on ahead, I'll be with you in a second."

"Righto!" Lyra jumped through the door with an evil cackle, leaving Bonbon alone in the bathroom.

The changeling looked in the mirror. For a moment, a haggard and weary expression looked back at her.

"...just hang on," Bonbon murmured to herself. "Lyra needs you to be strong... and help is coming soon, anyway."

A flash of green fire later, and there were no more bags under her eyes, no droop to her ears, no lines of worry around her broad smile. She walked out of the bathroom, only just stumbling on her hole-filled hooves.

Author's Note

Velp.

Lyra is Depressed: The Seventh Month is Stressful

Six months.

Six months, they were past the half-way point.

Bonbon nodded to herself. She could handle another five or so months of this. True, with Lyra's current condition there was... quite a bit of stress involved, but really it was only temporary; she only had to put on a strong face until the unicorn's magic levels were restored enough for her to start taking her pills again. It wasn't going to be THAT big of a problem, all things considered; their marriage had weathered far, far worse.

Usually as a result of her own... changeling...ness.

"Right." She took a look in the mirror and frowned, her hoof going to her mane. "I don't remember the last time I had so much loose silk." With a flicker of her horn, the strands were tugged out and carefully sealed in a translucent bag; Bonbon opened the undersink cabinet and tossed it in with all the other baggies of pink thread. "Maybe I should actually start using these for something."

Her eyes darted to the mirror again. She froze.

"...oh silk."

Her fin was exposed.

"I can't let Lyra see this! I, I--calm. Just a little touch-up. She won't notice a thing." Bonbon burst into fire, and when she looked at her reflection again her mane was the full head of pink underneath. "Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I'm totally fine, Lyra. I'm here for you."

Her smile did not falter. At least, not visibly.

"...yeah."

***

The green unicorn idly kicked her hoof against the ground, not even looking up from the broken couch as Bonbon trotted down the stairs.

"Hey there, hon." The changeling approached her gently, nuzzling at her neck. "How are you feeling?"

Lyra sighed. "Listless. Bored. Unmotivated." She managed to spin her eyes toward Bonbon. "Sorry about last night, by the way."

"Hey, it's not the first time you've thrown up on me. And it's totally normal for a pregnant mare, right?"

"Mmmm."

Bonbon glanced toward the kitchen, then the front door. "...so. Do you... want anything? A massage, a meal...?"

"...you know, for some reason I just... have this image of eating, like, Celestia's still beating heart." Lyra shrugged. "Or some other really bloody raw meat... I don't know..."

"I... could ask Arsenic to drop by Fluttershy's. She might have something along those lines."

"Mmm."

The changeling's ears drooped for a brief moment, but she forced them back up before Lyra could see.

"...so, uh. Celestia said she sent for somepony to help us while you... uh... while you're recovering." She managed a small smile. "I think they should be here sometime today!"

"I guess that's nice."

Bonbon took a breath and nodded. "She really does care about us. About you. It's... it's good to know the ruler of the country takes such an interest in the well-being of her people, you know?"

"...sure."

Lyra didn't even look at her.

Bonbon took a breath, crushing the broiling emotions in her thorax. She was slowly realizing just how much she'd relied on changeling empathy before, how hard it was to read a pony just by their face. Without her magic, Lyra could have been a particularly large blade of grass for all she registered to her. Bonbon wanted to scream at her to just... just feel something, but...

...but Lyra was going through so much. She couldn't be the one to put more on that. Not after being the reason it had all started.

There was, unexpectedly, a knock on the door. Bonbon shook her head, perking. "Oh, that... that must be the help!" With a flash of fire, she was a cream mare. "Uh, Lace? You want to come with me and greet our guests?"

"I suppose it would be best for me to assess the newcomers and determine the level of potential threat they could pose."

"...that's not what... not entirely what I meant," Bonbon replied, watching as Lace rose from her book. "I was hoping we could go for a unified approach to show that changelings are not inherently hostile and that we genuinely care for Lyra."

Lace looked from her to the pregnant mare. Then back to her.

"We do care for Lyra," Bonbon insisted. "Me as her wife, and you as her friend."

Lace tilted her head.

Bonbon frowned, flicking an ear intensely.

"...Ah, yes." Lace nodded. "We do care about you, Lyra. I simply did not want to... overstep my bounds."

"I know what the ear-flicking means," the unicorn replied.

Bonbon sighed. "Hon, you know Lace is socially oblivious. She doesn't even realize that Arsenic wants her to ask him out--"

"Excuse me?"

"--so how could she know how to express the affection she definitely feels toward you without prodding?" Bonbon finished.

Lyra rolled her eyes. "You have a point."

"Trust me, she really does care for you as a friend."

Lace looked between the two of them. "Why do you think that Arsenic--?"

The knocking at the door came again, harder.

"Oh! Whoops, we need to get that." Bonbon leaned forward and gave Lyra another peck on the cheek, then spun around and trotted to the door quickly. "Lace, could you snap out of your confusion and get over here?"

"I... suppose." The changeling flashed herself up a royal set of armor. "But why would Arsenic--?"

"Later." Bonbon gave her a look, took a breath, and reached for the doorknob.

Her eyes bugged when it swung open and she saw the leash-wearing pony on the other side of the door. "M-Miss Heartstrings! I, uh, I--"

"Double-eighto!" The dark green hooves wrapped around Bonbon's shoulders. "Oh it is so good to see you aren't a gory street mess! Now let me in so I can snuggle my girl or slap some sense into her. Or both."

***

Arsenic peered into the living room. "So... that's Lyra's mother?"

"Apparently."

"I have to say, she's not what I expected." Arsenic tilted his head. "For one, I thought she'd be an actual unicorn, not... an earth pony wearing a fake horn."

"I've been informed by reliable sources that she should not be told it's fake."

The stallion turned to the other guard. "I... what?"

"Apparently she started wearing it after Lyra's father died," Lace explained. "Because she believed that she was, somehow, both Lyra's mother and her father, or possibly just possessed by him. Some sort of coping mechanism." She shook her head. "The point is, she knows it's fake but she can't... acknowledge it, for some reason."

"...I take it," Arsenic said slowly, "that mental instability is hereditary."

"Lyra is bipolar and willingly petitioned to be the carrier of untested hybridization. The evidence does point that way."

"Well, I suppose we've handled her well enough these past few months." Arsenic looked back into the living room. "I look forward to befriending her mother."

Lace nodded, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "...We do seem to synergize well... Speaking of which--"

"Although I'm rather surprised she brought her marefriend along," the stallion continued. "I mean... just look at her!"

The changeling had to admit that Arsenic had a point. The blue pegasus that held miss Heartstring's leash had runic symbols dangling from her pierced feathers, a Discord tattoo that snaked from a rear hoof around her body to the base of her neck, and wore various spiked bangles on her foreleg. And yet, Lace could sense waves of concern and care from her as she watched the mother fuss over her daughter, even loosening her grip on the leash.

"...Lace, do you mind searching Bluebolt's bags?"

"What?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if she had whips or other things stashed in them," Arsenic explained, "but... it'd be awkward for a stallion to find them."

"...why would she have whips?"

Arsenic gave Lace a disbelieving look. "You're a changeling."

"...and?"

"And... and I thought you'd know all about alternative sex styles!"

"We feed off love," Lace deadpanned. "Not lust."

"...Leeeeet's just say that some... sexual activities involve inflicting pain in specific ways."

Lace nodded. "So the whips are sex toys then."

"You know what, just ask her what she packed," Arsenic said flatly. "It'd save us a lot of time and you're obviously entirely incapable of embarrassment."

"I am fully capable of embarrassment. I simply do not show it." Lace shrugged. "Learned how to hide it a century and a half ago."

Arsenic turned to her, disbelieving. "...how old are you?"

"This body is only thirty-five years old, if that's what you're asking. The Hagfish hive practices mental inheritance, it... keeps us close." Lace turned to him, only the tiniest hint of a curl to her lips. "I did think, however, it was rude to ask a lady's age."

"Actually it's rude to ask a social superior's age," Arsenic replied. "You, however, are my partner."

"Professional or romantic?"

"What?"

"Am I your partner in a professional or romantic sense?"

Arsenic rose a hoof. He paused. "...At the moment, it's only one. But... it could possibly be both."

"...Hmm. I suppose I did come here to enhance changeling-pony relations. However," she added, turning to watch Heartstrings as she hugged Lyra tightly, "we are on duty at the moment."

"...I suppose."

"Of course, we won't always be on duty," Lace mused. "I suppose we could trust miss Heartstrings and Bluebolt to look after Bonbon and Lyra. For one day, anyway. After they settle in."

"True. Perhaps a weekend, so they have time to connect as a family."

"Quite reasonable. I do believe they will be settled by this weekend, actually."

"Indeed. It would give us time to look into... Le jardin des mondes, I believe."

"Really?"

"Quite an upscale restaurant. Wouldn't be surprised if it was funded by some canterlot-centered group, and, well, after the invasion--"

"It's unlikely, but I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry." Lace sighed. "Of course we'll have to go undercover."

"Oh, yes. I do have a decent enough tuxedo. Somewhere."

"...You're lying."

"There's a seamstress right in town. I will have a decent enough tuxedo."

"Then I suppose the only choice left will be our meals. And, of course, the time."

"Certainly."

They watched as Bluebolt and Bonbon chatted amicably, while Lyra tried to push away her fussing mother.

"...They really are quite the group, aren't they?" Lace mumbled.

"Two crazy mares and two mares that love their crazy." Arsenic nodded.

"...We should never have let this happen to Lyra."

"No. That's why we're not going to let it happen again."

Lyra Is Unstable: The Eighth Month Is Extreme

"Hrggglroooofmgrah."

Bonbon sighed. "Even when she's throwing up, she sounds so... out of it. She used to scream it at the top of her lungs, ham it up to the point where even I felt a little bit sick. And changelings spit up all the time, it's how we spin our webs and cocoons." She turned away from the shut bathroom door. "Now, though, it's just... just a thing. I'm really worried about her, miss Heartstrings."

"We all are, double-eighto. She's putting herself through a lot." Heartstrings smiled. "I remember when I was pregnant with her... even then she had a tendency to act dramatic. Do you know, I actually threw up while snogging my husband one time?"

"Must be a family tradition."

"Oh, you got that too? Wow. It was awfully embarrassing, of course, but my stallion took it all in stride."

"Kinda glad we're lesbians," Bluebolt added.

"Bisexual, mistress."

"Okay, I'm glad that I am a lesbian."

"Yeah, about that," Bonbon interjected, "how did the two of you meet? I mean, you were single last time I checked... which was, admittedly, back at my wedding..."

"Well, that's actually what got me comfortable with dating again." Heartstrings stroked her false horn absentmindedly. "I mean, I know I wasn't a good mother with my... issues, and... well, I didn't want to leave her alone until I was sure she was taken care of. I didn't want her to become... me."

The pegasus stroked her mane. "You're not that bad, pet."

"You remember how long it took to get me properly trained."

"Don't be silly. I saw potential in you from the first orgy."

"I've been living with ponies for too long," Bonbon deadpanned. "Because I suddenly want this conversation to change."

Bluebolt shrugged. "Fair enough. So, new topic: What's up with your voice?"

"What?"

"The brooklane ditz accent. You're a changeling, you can change your voice to... anything, I think. So why that voice?"

"Well, after the wedding anti-changeling paranoia was at an absolute high. So I thought I'd go for the most non-threatening voice I could think of, just so there'd be this sort of mental pause when ponies heard me talk. If I spoke like this," she continued in an upper-middle class trottingham accent, "ponies would be more willing to assume I was some sort of conniving plotter."

"Wow, you changed that fast. Can you do Luna?"

Bonbon rolled her eyes. "Verily, but it doth seem like ye make much out of so little."

Bluebolt grinned. "What, I can't have a little silly fun?"

The changeling gave her a look... and a small smile appeared on her face. "Silly fun? That's something everypony needs, right after cupcakes and candy!"

"Holy shit, that's--that's that pink mare, whatsherface!" She turned to the bemused Heartstrings. "The one that threw that party for us when we got here!" She turned back to Bonbon. "Can you do anypony else?"

"Well," Bonbon purred, "Lyra does love it when I raise her sun..."

She paused, looking back at the bathroom door. "She's been in there for a while, actually," she murmured, her voice registering back to normal. "A little too long, actually. Lyra, honey? Are you okay in there?"

She waited for a few moments.

"...I don't like this." Bonbon tore some silk from her mane and wove it through the doorknob. "Lyra, I'm coming in!" She spat onto the silk, twisting it hard, and pushed down the handle to swing the door open.

Lyra was simply standing over the toilet bowl, staring at it dully. She didn't even twitch an ear as her wife stepped up close to her, simply... breathing.

Bonbon coughed. "Uh, you got a little... something on your lips."

The unicorn said nothing.

Bonbon inched closer. "Lyra, you know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, if I'm doing something wrong, you could let me know--"

Her eyes fell on the contents of the toilet bowl. The color was unusually red.

***

Heartstrings paced in front of the examination room door, muttering to herself as Bluebolt tried ineffectually to calm her down.

"Are you sure it was blood?" she asked, turning to the seats across the room. "Not just her coughing up a lot of tomato sauce?"

Bonbon shook her head, not noticing her own hoof drumming against the floor. "I held a filly while she was dying. You don't ever forget that smell." She absently began chewing on the chitin of her hooves. "Oh silk, I should have insisted on bi-weekly doctor visits instead of just weekly ones...."

Lace glanced between them. "There's no way you could have known this was going to happen. She was perfectly fine last week, aside from her mental state, and you did get her here as soon as you found out."

Arsenic shook his head. "Lace, sometimes ponies need to worry, even if it's not rational."

"Bonbon is a changeling."

"My point," he continued, "is that they're not going to be ready to relax until the doctor comes out that door and tells them that Lyra is going to make it. Which is something I don't doubt will happen," he added firmly, giving her a flat look as she raised her hoof.

Heartstrings sat down heavily, her tail swishing across the tiles as her mumbling grew increasingly erratic. Bluebolt bit her lip, stepping forward and stroking her mane. "It's going to be okay. She's in the best hooves possible, short of Celestia coming down from Canterlot--and if the princess really needed to do that she would, I think."

Before anypony could add to that, the examination room door swung open. Bonbon stood up, rushing over to the doctor. "How bad is it? Is the baby okay? Are we going to have to--?"

"Everything is fine, miss Bonbon. Your wife is going to be okay, and the infant is unharmed."

"She was coughing up blood!" the changeling insisted.

"She did have an internal injury, yes, but thankfully you brought her to the hospital before it could develop into anything too serious." He tapped his horn. "A healing spell was enough to reverse the damage, and the cause is at least partially a known issue we can treat."

"Cause?"

He cleared his throat. "Changelings are an egg-laying species, yes? How exactly do you get out of the egg?"

"Well, we have leg spurs that fall off shortly after we hatch--oh silk." Bonbon's eyes widened. "The baby started kicking a couple of days ago--this is my fault! This is all my fault--!"

"Fortunately, similar events have been recorded during the development of hippogryph children, and we already have a method to deal with the problem. In essence, we will coat the inner uterus with a layer of calcium carbonate crystals; the procedure is a bit awkward, but our gynecologist is quite capable."

Bonbon dragged her hooves down her face. "You're making her uterus into a literal eggshell."

"...well, I suppose it could be seen that way, although the layer will be thinner than actual eggs."

Heartstrings tried and failed to contain a tiny hysterical giggle. "So, so she's... she's going to be laying an egg?"

"No. More likely the calcium carbonate layer will shatter and come out with the afterbirth."

Bonbon shook her head. "Is there anything else we should know about?"

"I did take the liberty of testing miss Lyra's magical stores. They haven't completely recovered, but there is enough energy back in her system that I feel comfortable prescribing some antidepressants."

"She's bipolar," Heartstrings pointed out. "Not depressed."

"Well, she doesn't have enough magic for her usual medication to not be a risk to the baby just yet. Maybe in a week or two she will, but at the moment..."

The mare took a breath and turned to Bonbon. "I... We should be in agreement about this. We both love Lyra, do you think...?"

"I..." Bonbon sighed. "I haven't... I can't stand seeing her so down. I mean, I know she gets a little sad even when she has her usual pills, but even then she's... feeling. This is better than nothing, I think." She let out a groan. "Let's just go in and see her, get her to the gynecologist, and run by the pharmacy on the way home. I can't wait for this day to be over."

***

Lace blinked awake, shaking her membranous wings with a small frown. "Wha... what time is it?"

"It's..." Arsenic shook his head. "Hold on." He fumbled for a nearby clock. "It's oh six forty... fifty... ugh."

They paused, looking at each other, then around each other.

"Why... are we in the kitchen?" Lace asked slowly.

"Well, I have a pretty big hangover," Arsenic mused. "And..." He sniffed, frowning. "Well. Apparently I had fun."

"...I think you gave me a flower?" Lace shook her head. "I remember you giving me a flower."

"Yeah... that much I remember. Lyra said changelings went gaga over that particular kind of rose. Wouldn't explain why, but..." Arsenic clicked his tongue. "Oh wait. Lyra set up an in-house date for us, and we went along with it because she seemed so eager."

"It was the most energetic I've seen her after the attack," Lace agreed. "Well, energetically concentrated, she was less... direct."

"I'm rather surprised she gave us cider. You know, I was nervous about giving you the rose at first, but after a couple of drinks..."

"Yes. Yes, I remember. I morphed into a mare, and jokingly flirted with you, and then..."

Lace frowned.

"No, wait, that can't be right."

"What? You didn't like the rose?"

"No. Yes? I liked it too much. No flower gets a changeling to react like that. Only queen pheromones can--"

Their musings were stopped by a piercing shriek from above. The two guards snapped into action, galloping up the stairs and rushing into the master bedroom.

Bonbon was quaking, staring at the paper clutched in her hooves. "No... no... she... no..."

"What is it?" Arsenic asked, stepping forward. "Wait... where's Lyra?"

Bonbon winced, squeaks and whimpers coming from her mouth as she continued to blink tears out of her eyes, her grip on the paper growing tighter. "I... no... it, she... no...."

Heartstrings galloped into the room, followed closely by Bluebolt. "What's going on?! What happened to--?!" Her eyes fell on Bonbon. "Oh. Oh Celestia. She didn't. She didn't!"

"The rose," Lace realized, her face slowly growing horrified. "She must have dipped it in pheromones to keep me and Arsenic distracted..."

"What are you saying?" Bluebolt looked from the guards to the quavering changeling. "Who dipped the rose? Why's Bonbon freaking out? Where's Lyra--?" Her eyes widened. "No, that--that can't be right. That doesn't make sense!"

"She--she---" Bonbon collapsed, wailing into the paper. "SHE LEFT! SHE'S GONE!"

Lyra Is Missing: The Train Ride is Terrifying

Bonbon clutched the paper tightly, the words a spiked lifeline as she read them again and again and again.

'Not safe here...'

'Better off without me...'

'I'll tell her about you...'

She could vaguely hear words about her, the others speaking, the others speaking to each other, to her, but she said nothing. The words were all that existed, a twisting pattern of fear and hope strangling her mind through her eyes. She couldn't... she couldn't tear her eyes, she wanted, but she couldn't, her soul inverting, sinking, a pit that wouldn't stop growing--

A sudden Whi-krek jolted her back into the real world. She blinked, looking around.

"...Did you just whip my mattress?"

Bluebolt flicked the whip over her shoulder. "Thought that would get your attention."

"Why in the name of the first queen's swollen hole-riddled dripping abdomen did you whip my matress?!"

"Okay, first of all, you changelings have some really weird curses--"

"You swear by your immortal rulers! AND HAY! FREAKING HAY!"

"--and secondly, FOCUS." The pegasus pointed at her. "Have you seen Lyra off her pills for any significant period of time before?"

"Um... a few times, for... the longest has been three days--"

"Exactamundo. Now as much as I love my pet, I know she does things when she forgets her pills that she never would normally--"

"I--! Can't... exactly argue with that," Heartstrings admitted.

"--and from her stories, I know that Lyra is normally a cheery, melodramatic mare who would cling to everything in her life like a warm-hearted octopus!"

"What." Bonbon glared at her. "Are you seriously comparing my wife to an octopus."

"You know what I saw when I came here? I saw you and her, and you were doing everything possible, running yourself ragged and hiding it from her, just so she would be comfortable and cared for while she couldn't handle herself! And when I looked at her, yeah, she was going through some tough emotional breakdowns because of her disorder, but YOU. WERE. HER. LIFELINE. You were the one consistent point. You meant something to her, something so fundamental that she was willing to fight her own mental state to stay with you."

Bluebolt pointed at the letter still in Bonbon's hooves. "That would never have been written by the Lyra I've heard about, or by the Lyra I've seen. I know she's off her pills, so there's only one reasonable conclusion--that she is not in her right mind. And if she's left while she's not in her right mind, she could hurt herself--physically, mentally, emotionally! But you know what? Everyone in this house cares for her. I've seen that with my own eyes. And that care--that love--it's made a family so strong that I can't stand to see it break."

"So here's what's going to happen--you and Heartstrings are going to gather everything you need to calm Lyra down. Me and Lace are going to work together to make some lassos or nets just in case we have to tie her up for her own good. And Arsenic is going to track down whoever saw her, figure out which way she's likely to have gone, and come back so we can plan our next move."

She flared her wings. "Brace yourself, ladies and gent, cause we're getting our girl back."

There was a moment of tense silence.

"...Wow," Bonbon managed, only a twinge of pain in her deadpan voice. "You really are a dominatrix aren't you."

"I'm just a take-charge kinda mare."

Heartstrings rolled her eyes. "Well, she does have a point. Let's get moving, double eighto."

"Good girl!" Bluebolt snapped her wings shut. "Come on, Lace, we need to find out if my sex toys can be repurposed."

"Speaking as an ex-spy for a race of erovores, I'd like to say I'm surprised that you have so many devices that could seriously fit that purpose."

"DOMINATRIX!" Bonbon singsonged from down the hall.

Arsenic rolled his eyes. "I'm off to track our pregnant biopolar unicorn. I really shouldn't even be surprised anymore..."

***

Dodge Junction. Why was it always Dodge Junction? First Applejack, now Lyra...

Luckily enough, Arsenic had found out that Lyra had purchased a ticket and was, even now, riding a train to the tiny town. With a quick look at the map, a plan had been made. True, they had to cut across the Everfree and Froggy Bottom Bog to make it in time--and that hydra had been a problem until Lace dealt with it--but here they were, flying toward the Ghastly Gorge bridge, the train just now riding around the corner.

Bonbon gripped the straps around her shoulders tightly, flicking her eyes to make sure their equipment was still firmly on her back. Her wings buzzed as she strained closer, closer to the moving cars--the wind from the gorge and the motion of the train was battering against her, but if she could just line herself up right--

There was the slipstream! She flared her horn, lowering her hooves closer and closer to the roof--jumping into a gallop as she connected, just a little too fast, and skidding to a stop on the car's edge.

"WHOA! Okay. Okay, I'm good!" She turned to the other two flyers, waving her hoof. "Come on! It's a little slower then it looks!"

Bluebolt swooped into a trot, flapping her wings just a bit as she caught up to Bonbon. "Wooo. Okay, yeah, that was some acceleration. You okay pet?"

The mare on her back nodded, although her face was a paler green then usual. "Just a little queasy, mistress." She carefully slipped off, stumbling a bit before sitting down. "Okay, somepony find a ladder? I don't think I'm going to last long up here."

Lace slipped down, her wings buzzing as she landed in a standing position. "Ladders are usually on either end of the car. Let's head toward the front."

"I'll go down first," Arsenic stated as he dismounted from her. "I can smooth things over with any guards, and use my magic to keep miss Heartstrings stable as she climbs down."

"Right." Lace nodded, turning to Bonbon. "There might be some anti-changeling passengers--pegasus guises. Easier for us to explain how we got on."

With a sigh, Bonbon transformed, adding wings to her usual makeup. "I really, REALLY hate those idiots. Have I mentioned that?"

"I'm pretty sure we all do," Bluebolt replied, gently pushing Heartstrings into a standing position. "Let's just get moving. Don't worry, Pet, nopony's going to let you fall."

"It's all so fast, it's moving so fast--"

"Shhshhshh. One hoof in front of the other. Just look at your hooves and listen to me. I'm here."

Bonbon folded her ears back, looking away from the two. If Lyra had ever expressed her fear, or--no. No. She clamped down on her roiling emotions. She was here to find Lyra, and... and figure out where to go from there. She couldn't afford the distraction of regret.

Her ears perked back up as they approached the ladder and she heard Arsenic talking to... somepony.

"...is a fully authorized royal mission, sir. I understand your concern, but--"

"I know a robber when I see one, sonny! I'm not fooled by your fake armor!" A stallion stood in the open door of the car. "You aren't getting in here so long as I'm up!"

"Hey!" Bonbon waved a hoof, trying to get his attention. "Can you be a paranoid jerk somewhere else? We've got a seasick pony up here, and we need to get her down ASAP!"

The stallion glared up at her. "You really expect me to fall for that?"

"I expect you to be actually reasonable," she called back. "Do you really expect us to stay on the roof for the whole ride to Dodge?"

"I expect you to get off this train!"

"It's going at forty miles an hour! You really want us to jump off?!"

"...I'll get the conductor to stop the train! And then you'll be forced off!"

"Right, you go do that then." She waved him off. "I'm sure you'll be able to find us when that happens."

"In fact," Arsenic added, "Lieutenant Lace and I shall accompany you to the locomotive engine." He gestured toward the door. "Shall we?"

The stallion stared at him. "You're not going to knock me over the head with something, are you?"

"I am a royal guard," Arsenic pointed out.

"...that doesn't answer my--"

"There are too many witnesses," Bonbon deadpanned. "It would be stupid."

"And again," Arsenic added, "I am a royal guard."

The stallion glared at him for a moment. Then, with a snort, he backed into the car. "You and your lady friend best not be bringing any trouble."

Lace clambered down the ladder. "We are professionals, sir. We don't cause problems. Only solve them."

"Wh--who are you?!"

"I'm Lace."

"I thought she was Lace!"

"I never said that!" Bonbon pointed out. "Are we going to have to go through this whole conversation again, or are we going to get a move-on?!"

"...I've got my eye on you," the stallion grumbled, leading Lace and Arsenic into the car.

"Finally..." Bonbon turned back to Heartstrings and Bluebolt. "Change of plans. I'm going down first, then I'll shift a horn to keep her balanced. We're going to be going backwards through the train. Good?"

"Makes sense to me," the pegasus replied. "You good with that, pet?"

"Just get me off the roof," Heartstrings whimpered. "Please, get me off this roof."

Bonbon nodded, swinging over the ladder and clambering down. She braced herself, switching tribes with a flash of green fire. "Okay! Ready down here!"

She could hear Bluebolt murmuring gentle encouragements, but it took a minute before Heartstrings appeared over the ladder. Bonbon lit up her horn, gently gripping the pony's foreleg in acknowledgement before moving her magic to support her barrel. "One rung at a time, miss Heartstrings! Just focus on the rungs, you'll be safe inside in no time."

Heartstings whimpered, moving down slowly and carefully.

"That's it, that's good... Okay, you're on the deck!" Bonbon opened the car door. "You can head in now!"

The green mare opened her eyes, darting inside and gripping the first pony she found tightly. "OH SWEET CELESTIA. Train roofs are horrible places, all that speed and that, that, that moving and it's all so fast and and if you slip you die--"

"...there there, miss?" The stallion awkwardly patted her as she began sobbing into his chest, turning a concerned look to Bonbon and Bluebolt as they walked in.

"Yeah, we didn't plan this through," Bonbon acknowleged, fluttering her wings. "Miss Heartstrings? Are you going to be okay, or should I leave you with Bluebolt--?"

"No." Heartstrings pushed herself off the stallion. "No, I just... I'm fine. I'm fine. And we need to find Lyra." She cleared her throat, glancing at the stallion. "Um, thank you for, uh, being... huggable."

"....you're welcome?"

Bluebolt cleared her throat. "So, moving things along--We're looking for a green unicorn, lyre cutie mark, about eight months pregnant. Have you seen her?"

The stallion blinked. "You're not looking to hurt her, are you?"

"She's my daughter," Heartstrings deadpanned.

"And my wife," Bonbon added.

"And... wait." Bluebolt turned to Heartstrings. "If we're not legally married, can I really call her my daughter in law?"

"...And a mare that Bluebolt is very concerned about," Bonbon compromised. "So, no, none of us intend to hurt her."

"Oh. Well...." The stallion coughed. "She was sitting right next to me, up until that guard came down from the roof. And... now she's hiding under this bench."

There was a quiet moment.

And then, very reluctantly, a voice from under the bench sighed. "Well, horseapples."

Lyra is Sorry: The Ninth Month is Noteworthy

"You're almost nine months pregnant, and you manage to wedge yourself under a train bench." Bonbon sighed. "You know, I'm not even surprised."

"It's actually pretty spacious under here. I mean, seriously, I wouldn't want to make a room or anything but if you wanted a place to put cooking supplies--"

"Lyra."

The quiet that single word invoked stretched through the car, and Bonbon only belatedly realized the other passengers were all staring at them. After a moment she decided she didn't even care.

"Lyra... did you really think I would be better off without you?"

"...I mean... I'm... I'm a mess, and--"

"You are literally the reason I decided to try living again," Bonbon reminded her gently. "Maybe you get on my nerves sometimes, sure. Maybe there's a lot of issues between us, I don't think we can deny that. But... that happens in every relationship. I don't want a perfect pony prancing through my parlor. I want the unicorn who looked at me and said I looked neat, who held me in her hooves while I cried over the child I let die, who convinced me I wasn't any less weird than she was. I want the mare who steals half my treats, who regularly curses out the Canterlot nobility, who can't tell cute from hideous to save her skin. I want the pony who thought a Las Pegasus wedding was an amazing idea, and managed to convince me with her cute pouty eyes. I want you, Lyra Heartstrings, you and... and any family you bring with you." She rolled her eyes. "Even your mom's crazy dominatrix marefriend."

"Not a dominatrix," Bluebolt insisted. "It's a master-pet relationship, completely different."

"Um," said the stallion sitting on the bench Lyra was hiding under. "Should I be here or... move to another seat, or something?"

"...I screwed up," Lyra muttered. "I screwed up so bad didn't I."

"Yep."

"...you're going to be mad at me for a while aren't you."

"Yep."

"...and I'm going to come back anyway because I never wanted to go, really."

"Yep."

"...Okay. But, um." Lyra cleared her throat. "I know this is kind of asking a lot, but can you not be mad at me until we're home and I've had my pills and all?"

"I can promise not to act mad," Bonbon replied. "If you get out from under there right freaking now."

There was a sigh, and then some scrabbling motions, and then an awkward chuckle.

Heartstrings facehooved. "You're stuck, aren't you dearie."

"Maybe just a little," Lyra admitted.

Bluebolt bent to look under the bench. "Yep, you're wedged pretty tight in there. Hey, mister, could you get off so I could move this thing around?"

The stallion stood, awkwardly walking a bit down the aisle. "So... um..."

"Don't worry, just be a minute." Bluebolt dug her wings under the cushions and flipped them out. "Huh, standard mattress and bar construction, kay. Just..." She leaned down, biting a screw, and started twisting her head.

"...Yeah." Bonbon rolled her eyes. "Okay, there are so many things I could say right now."

"'ot it!" the pegasus chirped, pulling her head back with a smirk.

Bonbon gave a flat look at the screw in her teeth. "So many things." She turned to the bench. "Okay, Lyra, I'm going to move this bar and then you're coming out."

"You know, you coming to rescue me like this is heartwarming, romantic, beguiling, so incredibly sexy--"

"I already promised I wouldn't be mad at you until we got home." Bonbon maneuvered the wooden plank out of the way. "Your attempt at flattering atonement is appreciated, but also not really necessary right now."

"Oh. Um." Lyra crawled out of the seat with a small blush. "Yeah, heh. Right. Still... seriously though. I am sorry. I really, really didn't think this through. Like at all."

"After what I've seen, I can believe it."

"Aheh heh...." Lyra gave her an awkward smile, lighting up her horn as she took the screw from Bluebolt's mouth and moved the bar back into place. "Yeah. I... did warn you though."

"You did. Yes."

"Soooooooooooo..." Lyra glanced around as Bluebolt put the cushions back into the bench. "The plan now is... what, exactly?"

"We wait till the train stops, find Lace and Arsenic, and purchase a ticket home."

"Gotcha." Lyra nodded. "Well I guess that will be--"

The four of them stumbled as the train began to screech to a stop.

"...right now, apparently?" Lyra looked out the window. "I don't think that we're anywhere close to Dodge Junction--"

The door to the outside was shoved open, an angry stallion pointing at Bonbon. "What did I tell you?! Train thieves!"

"We're not thieves," Bonbon repeated with a groan. "This is a rescue mission."

"Is it really?" asked a deep, booming voice. From behind the stallion came... well, it was probably a pony, given the shape, but Bonbon hadn't realized before that ponies came in sizes larger than Bulk Biceps or Big Mac.

"Yes." Bonbon pointed at Lyra. "We're saving her."

"And where is the paperwork for this, ma'am?"

Bonbon opened her mouth, paused, and blinked. "Um. Paperwork?"

***

"....so, once again, I am really sorry about this," Lyra said. "Like, super sorry. I know I screwed up, and I am very sorry. Okay? So--"

"I," said Bonbon very, very calmly, "have heard and accepted your apology."

"Oh. Um. It's just... you're all being very quiet--"

"We are walking," said Bonbon very, very calmly, "through the desert, in the exact opposite direction of home, in order to reach a boony town in hopes of getting a train ticket, because the way back home is across a gorge or through an untamed forest otherwise. I am trying to conserve my energy. Please forgive my silence."

"Oh." Lyra nodded. "Okay. Yeah."

For a few minutes, the only sound was the faint plofing of hooves against the sand as they continued their walk.

"...Okay, um." Lyra cleared her throat. "So, again, this is all my fault. So, I know it's really, really stupid of me to, you know, ask for anything, alright? I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm not making any demands or requests, or complaining or anything like that. It's just, um.... I really, really need to pee."

"We're in a desert, Lyra." Bonbon gestured around at the sand. "You can just pee anywhere."

"I mean, um, I could, buuuut I'd really like to do it in an outhouse or a toilet or something. Cause, you know, social conditioning, plus the whole pee-could-attract-predators thing, and, uh, I don't know if this is what it's like to have water break or--"

"You haven't entered labor, dear." Heartstrings rolled her eyes. "Trust me, you just need to pee."

"Right. Still. It's kind of a big need and, you know, predators and all--"

"At the rate we're walking, we should make it to Appleoosa in about four hours," Arsenic said dryly. "If you can't hold it for that long, then I'm sure Lace will take you over a dune."

"Might I ask why me?" Lace inquired.

"I'd volunteer Bonbon, but leaving her alone with Lyra will likely end with either yelling or screwing, maybe both. We don't have the time to afford that. You're the one that can bring her back fastest and most likely catch her if she tries to escape."

"I'm not going to try to escape," Lyra grumbled.

"As you are, no, but your moodswings are pretty intense."

"Hey, Bonbon gave me my pills! You saw me take my pills! I'm fine now!"

Arsenic quirked a brow.

"I'm... mostly fine now!" Lyra tried. "I mean, it's a desert! Running away from a group in a desert would be suicidally stupid!"

She looked around for support. None came.

"...fine." Lyra's shoulders sagged. "I'll go pee with Lace as my chaperone..."

***

The only light that greeted the six's arrival in Appleoosa was that of the stars and moon, the only sound a whisk of wind as the cold night air embraced them. Lace had, with a stoic face, pressed against Arsenic; Bonbon's shivers were held at bay by Lyra's own body heat. Heartstrings and Bluebolt were following the two pairs, whispering to each other in hushed tones.

"...does anybody want to get something to eat?" Lyra asked.

"You're hungry," Bonbon deadpanned.

"I'm eating for two and I just crossed a desert. Of course I'm hungry. But, um," Lyra coughed into her hoof. "Still get that this is totally my fault. So, not complaining. Just saying, hey, maybe we should get something to eat."

"I don't think any place is open," Bluebolt mused as they walked down the dark dirt road.

"It is pretty close to midnight," Heartstrings pointed out.

Lyra grumbled to herself. "Right..."

Bonbon gave her a long look, before turning back to look over the buildings. "...There. That looks like a convenience store. Should have snacks worth eating."

"But it's closed," Lyra pointed out.

Bonbon rolled her eyes, lifting a hoof and shifting it to gain a series of complicated, crooked digits.

"....oooooooooh."

"Miss Bonbon," Arsenic pointed out in a disapproving tone, "I am a royal guard."

"Me and Lace are both trained infiltrators, Bluebolt has oodles of experience with knots, and with Lyra and Heartstrings we outnumber you five to one." Bonbon shrugged. "Just say we overwhelmed you with our badassery."

"Or feminine wiles," Heartstrings added.

"My feminine wiles are only used on Lyra."

"And he's proven remarkably resistant to mine," Lace added.

Arsenic rolled his eyes. "I wasn't going to stop you. Just... conflict of interest, you know?"

"We'll pay in the morning," Bonbon promised, already working on the lock. "There we go, store's open. Everypony can get two things, Lyra can get four since she's eating for two."

"Sounds fair." Bluebolt glanced around. "The most filling stuff would probably be... the trail mix, which is this way?"

"I have a craving for something... I'm not sure what," Lyra mused. "Something more... I don't know. Not crunchy. Cold.... I want to say, celery, but not exactly, like celery is a part of it, not the whole of it."

"So... mashed potatoes and celery?" Bonbon suggested.

"That's... about right, yeah."

"Sorry, looks like we're fresh out of that." The changeling looked through the shelves. "We've got... I dunno... the starchy stuff here seems to be chips or other snacks."

"I mean I guess I could take that--oooo, they have soursweet colorbits!"

"Lyra, that's a hoof-full of candy. You need something more filling."

"I know but--you know how much I love sour-sweet colorbits!"

"You said they were the worst thing ever two weeks ago."

"Okay, one, I was off my pills--"

"And you've said it consistently since we got married."

"--two, I'm pregnant and have crazy cravings--"

"Which I think you exaggerate for attention."

"And three, come on, it's colorbits!" Lyra levitated the tiny sack in front of Bonbon, shaking it. "Cooooolooooorbits!"

Bonbon gave her a flat look.

"...Am I being pushy?" Lyra put the colorbits back. "I'm being pushy. Sorry. Just... I don't know... I feel terrible for having run away and having put you through all this trouble and I also feel terrible physically because I'm heavy with foal and have these teats swinging between my legs and on top of that I'm cold and hungry and tired and I really really don't want to whine because I know it's all my fault we're in this mess but I just feel terrible so much and no this isn't the kind of terrible I feel without the pills this is ordinary terribleness so I'm not going to be angsting about it I just kinda want... you know... some sort of normalcy back?"

"Well," drawled a voice from behind her, "after that, I kind of feel bad for havin' to arrest ya."

Lyra blinked, turning around. A pony wearing a sheriff badge and a stocking cap was glaring at her over a thick black mustache. The rest of her companions had been... not exactly restrained by other, similarly dressed ponies, so much as simply allowing themselves to have a hoof on their back.

"But ya did break into a store," he continued dryly, "and ya were planning on robbin' the place, so..."

Bonbon groaned. "This is going to do wonders for changeling/pony relations, isn't it?"

"Nonono this is a good thing!" Lyra assured her.

"Really."

"Yeah, we get shelter, a place to sleep, and I think they have to feed us." She turned to the sheriff. "You have mashed potatoes with celery, right?"

Lyra Is Emotional: The Wedding Is Weird

"Wait, what the heck?!" Lyra pointed a hoof at Bonbon. "You're a secret agent?!"

"Um. Yeah. You knew that."

"I knew you were a secret agent for the changelings!" The unicorn dived forward, grabbing her companion's face. "Now you're relling me you were also working for Celestia this whole time?!"

"Yeah, under my cover identity as Sweetie Drops. Of course, that was before I defected from the hive--"

"But--this doesn't make sense! Didn't you abandon the hive?!"

The cream mare pushed the unicorn's hooves down with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah, I did that, after I got Rainbow's replacement in, which happened after I ended up employed by the Tartarus Administration for Cataloging, Tracking, and Intelligent Capture of Amoral Legends!"

"Tartarus Administration for..." Lyra mouthed to herself for a couple of moments. "Wait a minute! You were with T.A.C.T.I.C.A.L.?! I thought that was just a myth!"

"Oh, so humans are real, but a top-secret government agency is a myth?"

"Well, I mean--hold on, that's not the point! The point is you never told me you worked for Celestia!"

Bonbon sighed. "It was a long time ago. After she took Twilight in, she... actually started to slowly disband the agency. We all thought she was training Twilight to be a monster hunter in order to replace us." She glanced out the window at where the princess of friendship was busy trying to tangle with the bugbear. "I guess we were half right."

"Whoa, mom. You worked for Celestia?"

The mare turned to the stunned nymph and smiled. "That's right. It was years before you were born, though." She fondly rubbed at her daughter's head. "Now I've got more important things to worry about."

Lyra groaned. "Look... Bonbon, I just... this is a lot to dump on me all at once. Do you, uh, need to do a thing or--"

"Well... I did help capture that Bugbear. I guess he could want vengeance." With a flash of green fire, Bonbon changed into a blue pegasus stallion. "There we go! That should help out. Oh, Melody, could you take this and pin it up there?"

"Okey doke!"

Author's Note

IT'S AN OMAKE!

Lyra Is Resentful: The Fourth Month Is Frustrating

"THOSE FENNELING SASSAFRAS CARDAMOMS--!"

Bonbon sighed. "Lyra, calm down."

"Calm down?! Calm down?!?!" The unicorn pointed at the front door. "OUT THERE! There are ponies that have accused you of, well, being evil! They're going to try to lock you up, take you away from me, and you're just going to accept that?!"

"I've done nothing wrong," Bonbon replied calmly. "Or at least, nothing illegal. This will blow over easily."

"But but--it's wrong! Why aren't you upset about this?!"

Bonbon took a breath. "I am. I'm very upset. I'm also aware that any attempt to retaliate will just be seen as a monstrous changeling attack. Which, you know, would make the whole situation worse."

"How can you be so calm?! This is bad, this is so bad! You've got to be a lot--stop it!" Lyra stomped her hoof, tears in her eyes. "Stop being so calm and cold and distant!"

"Cold and... what?"

"Just, all this past week, you're like-- you've been different! It's because I've gotten fat, isn't it?!" She started tearing up. "That's why you've been so reluctant to bedroom conga!"

"...wait, is this about the sex? Cause Mister Cake said--"

"Oh, mister Cake said? Oh when did he say this, are you seeing him?!"

"I, what? No! It was months ago, back when we first found out you were pregnant!" Bonbon rubbed the back of her head. "See, he said that you, uh, could be irrational and that I should have less sex during the fourth month--"

"Oh, so when she gets fat she's not worth it, is that what he said?!"

"No! That's not--I have no idea what--Have you taken your medicine?"

Lyra snarled. "How... you... I.... THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"

Bonbon groaned. "Lyra, you know that you need the pills to keep you, uh, stable."

"Are you saying that my feelings right now aren't important?!"

"No, I'm saying that you're feelings are very overpowering right now."

Lyra snorted. "YOU.... ARERARARAGHLAHRLAKEJLGJKLHDLSKA!" She snapped around, marching away with her tail swishing angrily. "I am going to go upstairs, cry over your callousness until I need to throw up, then I'm going to throw up, and then I'm going to take my pills, and then we're going to go to the courthouse, and then I don't know but I expect you to stop being so cold after that!"

Bonbon sighed. "Oh, Lyra...."

***

"All rise, the honorable Judge Gavel presiding!"

The green mare nodded to the grey pegasus as she walked up to the podium. "Thank you, Bailiff. Now then, you may all be seated."

"What was even the point of that?" Lyra muttered. "A cardio routine?"

Bonbon rolled her eyes, but deigned not to reply.

"Will the representative for the prosecution please state the charges?"

A blue-coated unicorn rose, adjusting his tie for a moment. "Your honor, at the behest of a humble petition of concerned citizens, I am obligated to accuse the individual known as Bonbon for illegal and unlicensed use of mental magic to engage in the psychological and physical coercion of one Lyra Heartstrings into repeated and unwanted intimate encounters."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"...Excuse me, kind sir." Bonbon placed her forehooves on the desk in front of her, slowly pushing herself up. "I'm not entirely sure I understand. If I am hearing your statement correctly... you are accusing me... of raping my wife."

The lawyer nodded briefly. "I am representing those who believe that to be the case, yes."

Lyra jumped onto the desk "THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER HORSE APPLES YOU CELESTIA MOUNTING SON OF A--!!"

"Lyra, please calm yourself." Bonbon smiled.

"Bonbon, didn't you just hear what--"

"We are going to sit down, calmly. We are going to listen to what the nice gentlecolt has to say. And then...."

Green fire burst from the black carapace, enveloping the calmly smiling changeling whose pink eyes were fixed on the nervous blue unicorn.

"We will explain, with great detail, exactly why he is wrong."

Lyra blinked.

Her eyes drifted to the green fire stopping a good distance from her hoof.

Very slowly, she sat down. "For the record, this counts as ordinary 'my spouse is seriously pissed and I want to stay on their good side' behavior here. No coercion, physical or mental." She waved at the judge. "Just putting that on the record."

"Lyra?"

"Yeah Bonbon?"

"Can I ask you not to speak unless spoken to?"

"...yeah okay, sure."

"Thank you dear."

"Welcome."

Judge Gavel coughed gently. "Miss Bonbon, I feel I must ask you to stop being on fire."

Bonbon flicked an ear, still smiling. "I'm trying to turn it off. Believe me. I am trying. It doesn't seem to be doing anything." The fire continued cackling around her carapace. "For the record, this is mostly just illusion magic and not actually harmful."

"Understood. Ahem. Representative for the defense, would you like to make a statement?"

Arsenic gave Bonbon a look before standing. "I believe the essence of our statement has already been made, your honor. These accusations have no grounding in reality, and will be disproved with just swiftness."

"...I see." Gavel nodded once. "Very well then. Would the prosecution please explain the evidence for the accusation?"

"Certainly." The blue unicorn sorted through his papers. "Ah. Hmm. Item one: Lyra Heartstrings is on record as being psychologically unstable, directly as a result of Bonbon's manipulations--"

"HEY! I was crazy before I met her, get your damn facts straight!" Lyra pounded her hoof on the desk. "It's a genetic condition aggravated by an unhealthy childhood!"

The unicorn peered down his muzzle at her. "Are you saying there was no change in your mental state after encountering Bonbon?"

"Ye--N--There was a positive change in my mental state unrelated to any magic mind stuff!" Lyra crossed her forelegs. "I fell in love!"

Gavel rolled her eyes. "Will the prosecution please avoid questioning ponies that are not on the witness stand?"

"I apologize for my breach of etiquette, your honor. It will not happen again."

"Miss Lyra, could you please avoid those outbursts in the future?"

"What--?! But he was lying about my--"

"Lyra," Arsenic said firmly, "I was about to object to the evidence. That is my job here."

"....fine." She slouched in her chair sullenly. "Sorry."

Bonbon managed to stop the flame on her face long enough to give Lyra a gentle nuzzle. "It was a sweet gesture."

"Thanks."

Arsenic turned to the judge. "As it would be clear, I feel I must object to this evidence. Lyra's mental condition predated her meeting with Bonbon, and furthermore there was no significant medical change at any point during their relationship."

"...I feel that the objection regarding the evidence preexisting Lyra and Bonbon's relationship is sustainable. However, given the nature of the charges, I must alllow any post-meeting evidence to be admitted for perusal." Gavel nodded to the blue unicorn. "Please."

He approached the stand, giving her a file with a small nod. She took a moment to open it, her eyes roving over the text within. Then she set it down. "...you may continue."

"Thank you. May I call on Doctor Interest to be a witness?"

Judge Gavel raised an eyebrow. "I assume he has more medical records?"

"Yes."

"I must object," Arsenic interjected smoothly. "Consulting doctors is a violation of doctor/patient confidentiality."

Lyra blinked. "Wait, but he just gave the judge a file on--"

"Those were pharmaceutical records. Your pills. That's technically legal."

"...What?"

"Objection sustained." Judge Gavel gave the prosecuting lawyer a look. "You are already skirting the edges of courtroom legality as it is, please don't bring illegal evidence up again."

"...With all due respect, your honor, we are looking for evidence of an exploitative relationship. Unless the accused is willing to come up to the stand and testify, I can see no other way for--"

"I am fully willing to come up to the stand and testify."

Silence filled the room as everypony stared at the still flaming, still smiling changeling.

She quirked a dark eyecrest

"...Your testimony would be suspect," the blue unicorn pointed out. "As the accused, you would have a perfect reason to falsify--"

"Then I'll testify!" Lyra stood up. "I mean, I'm supposedly the victim here, right? So logically I'd want to tell everypony how mean Bonnie's been to me, oh, spoilers, it's like only five percent meanness and that's mostly when I steal candy or laze around the house or stuff like that!"

"Unfortunately, as somepony suspected of being affected by mental magic, your testimony is also not entirely trustworthy."

Judge Gavel shook her head. "This is why I dislike mental magic trials, the basic problem of identifying who is and isn't hypnotized is incredibly difficult."

"Indeed. That is why I wished to call one of the victim's doctors to the stand." The blue unicorn nodded. "Physical evidence of abuse would be so much more reliable."

Arsenic held up a hoof. "If I may, your honor?"

"What is it?"

"I took the liberty of contacting a licensed mental magician before the trial, and she is waiting outside." The guard bowed his head. "She could seek evidence of tampering--"

"I object, your honor. The defense hiring somepony capable of the same acts as the accused--"

"The accusation of these acts have yet to be confirmed," Gavel sternly countered. "Your point, however, is conceded. How can we ensure the magician is not corrupt in some manner?"

"She is employed by the Crown," Arsenic replied simply, "and took this case pro bono. She will also have a record of her license and history."

The judge considered the guard's words carefully.

"...very well. I can see no reason to bar this magician from the proceedings."

Arsenic rose from his seat with a grateful nod, marching toward the courtroom doors and stepping out.

A few seconds later, Princess Luna entered the room.

"Y-Your majesty!" Judge Gavel stood up. "I was not... you are the mental magician employed by the crown?!"

"Indeed. The Crown can employ themself, can it not?" Luna nodded. "Please be seated. I am not here in my station as a royal. I am here to offer my expertise to the case in question--"

"This is preposterous!" The blue unicorn slapped his papers on his desk. "Summoning a princess into a courtroom like this is not only a blatant stunt for attention but also a distinct improbability! Your honor, I insist that an illusion dispelling enchantment be placed on this so called alicorn so we can see who she truly is!"

Lyra blinked for a few seconds. "...Are you seriously accusing Princess Luna of being a changeling?"

"The court building has gates at every entry to scan for disguised changelings," Judge Gavel countered dryly. "As such it is quite unlikely that anyone here is not who they claim to be."

It took a moment for the lawyer to fully process the statement. But he bowed his head. "My apologies, Princess. There is just so much tension around this case--"

"I am unsurprised." Luna swept past the lawyer. "A number of ponies are still unaware of the Hive Proclamations."

"The... I'm sorry?"

"Your honor, may I produce for the record a copy of a portion of the document written and signed by the legislative branch of Equestria shortly after the invasion of Canterlot?"

Judge Gavel sighed. "It's not as if anything reasonable has happened so far... why not."

"Thank you." Luna pulled a scroll from her petryal, clearing her throat. "Ahem. 'In light of the recognition of Changeling Hives as nomadic states, and furthermore of individual changelings as citizens of Equestria, all changelings are to be considered as having a one-year license to the use of non-medical mental magic and can furthermore reapply for mental magic licenses after expiration.'" She rolled the scroll up. "In other words, so long as Bonbon did not violate the ethical code associated with such a license--"

"Objection, your honor!" The blue unicorn stood. "Whether or not the accused has a license is irrelevant! The fact remains that she is accused of mental coercion, which is in fact in violation of said theoretical license."

"...objection sustained." Gavel brought a hoof to her forehead. "Princess Luna, would you be so kind as to examine Lyra for any use of mental magic in violation of ethical conduct?"

Luna rolled her eyes. "Very well. Miss Heartstrings?"

"I know the drill..." Lyra leaned back into her chair. "Lay it on me."

Luna's horn lit up as she lowered it gently to Lyra's forehead. The sparkle of her aura enveloped their craniums, and for the briefest of moments their eyes were lit up in an eldritch glow.

Then Luna pulled back, ceasing the spell. "Well. Ahem. I can confirm that mental magic was never used by Bonbon to coerce Lyra." She paused. "Though... it apparently has been used as a sexual enhancement method?"

"Oh yeah. When I can feel what she feels and she can feel what I feel it's just wow oh the wow wow wow." Lyra grinned broadly. "So, yep, that's pretty much it."

Bonbon coughed. "Ah. Yes."

"Well then." Judge Gavel bit her lip. "Having learned so much more than I ever needed to learn, I think I can pass down my judgement--"

"But your honor, miss Heartstrings is hosting a changeling spawn! Surely she couldn't have agreed to--"

"HEY! I ASKED FOR THE FOAL YOU JERK!"

"And there you have it, straight from her mouth." Judge Gavel glowered at the lawyer. "Sexual assault of any type is a serious thing. But to try to find it where it does not exist, in order to support any agenda, is just... sickening. I decree Bonbon not guilty on all charges, and furthermore apologize for this mess of a court proceedings." She brought her namesake down with a bang. "Court is adjourned, you may all go, I'm going to find a bar."

***

"...Um. Bonbon?" Lyra bit her lip, glancing nervously at the mare walking next to her. "Uh... about what I said this morning."

"....yes?"

"I... I am very, seriously sorry. I was.... well, I was in one of my moods, hadn't taken my pills, and... I don't know. You didn't deserve any of it. And, and if you hate me for what I said about you and Mister Cake and... I completely understand--"

"I don't hate you," Bonbon interjected.

"Oh. Okay. But, uh... I'm still sorry. I should never have said any of that and--"

"Lyra? I am... really emotionally stressed right now, could you please just... not?"

"Oh. Okay."

The two of them continued their walk in silence for a few minutes.

"...Um. Bonbon?"

"Yes?"

"....Was there a hole in our front window when we left this morning?"

"...no."

"....Horseradish."