Tales of a Former Ponyville Librarian

by ArtieStroke

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 3674

Human in Equestria, reliving the series

If you ask a dozen different ponies who Palette Brush is, you’d get a dozen different answers. Librarian, artist, writer, weirdo, newcomer- and if you asked her yourself, you’d probably get just as many answers back.
Or you might get “Interloper from another world stuck here and dealing with it.”
Of course that was ages ago, and the only thing Palette is worrying about now is the upcoming Summer Sun celebration. Surely nothing can go wrong with that, right?

Published 2012-04-18 19:44:03 UTC
Last updated 2018-02-26 09:21:31 UTC

Chapter 1

“Alrighty, that one’s due back in a week. Thank you for your support!”

Davenport nodded, book securely in his saddlebags before exiting through the library’s doors, “Much appreciated, Miss Brush!”

“No problem- just make sure to keep it away from the quills section! Don’t want a repeat incident.”

I sigh as the doors shut. You know, when I was younger I thought being a librarian might actually be a cool part time job. But in a small town like Ponyville, it was so DULL. Barely anyone stopped by, aside from the occasional school filly looking for assigned reading material or the occasional book lover. At least it gave me some down time to work on my own writing, or maybe do a sketch or two.

I’m getting a bit ahead of myself- my name is Palette Brush; librarian and freeloader off of Ponyville’s local taxpayer dime.

Honestly, that was also another good perk of this job- comes with a free place to live. And it’s not bad- back home I’d have to bust my butt working two waitressing jobs just to hold down an apartment. Equestria’s economy definitely wasn’t in the dire straits the good old U.S. of A was.

Oh yeah, before I go on I should probably mention- I wasn’t always a pony. Freaky, right? Every time I think about that I just kind of get the feeling that somewhere I should be cringing a little. But yeah, despite the technicolor fur job and quartet of adorable hooves, I was once human. Homo sapiens. Probably the homo-est of sapiens to be honest. Then one day I go to bed, wake up the next in a body that isn’t mine.
But that was ages ago. It’s a nice life- living as a pony. Sure I miss burgers some days- fingers too. Fingers would be SO useful, like you have NO idea. Telekinesis is a pretty good tradeoff but it’s just WEIRD and-

Okay, that’s a path that leads to freaking out. Gotta not take that path, my freaking out days are behind me.

The bell chimes as the library door opens again- snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Miss Brush?” the distinctive voice of Ponyville’s mayor calls out. I stand and trot around the desk.

“Mayor Mare- not here to make more budget cuts, I hope?” I say, with a sarcastic smirk. The mayor laughs.

“Miss Brush, please- the library is a valuable resource for all of our citizens. I couldn’t bear to trim the budget where it’s most needed.”

Mayor Mare is probably the first local politician I’ve ever actually trusted. Rumors about her mane aside, she’s the most honest and caring person in the political field I’ve ever seen. If the politicians back home were even half the mare she was-

There I go again about the past. Present, Palette- focus.

“Just getting a rise out of you, Mayor Mare- it’s nice seeing someone who cares so much.”

Mayor Mare scoffs, “Please, I’m just doing my job,” she then cleared her throat, “Speaking of, I’ve actually got one for you- if it’s not too much trouble.”

She pulls out a scroll, marked with the symbol of a radiant sun. Now, I’ve never been to Canterlot in the year or so I’ve been in Equestria, but I’ve been able to recognize the royal seal when I see it.

“It seems the Princess is sending somepony to oversee the preparations for the festival- her brightest student. And, she’s requested the lodgings at the library for her student’s stay.”

I whistle, “Oh boy, you’re giving me a roommate? How did you know I was so lonely here?” I said, forcing a dramatic hoof to my dramatic forehead. Mayor Mare rolled her eyes.

“This should only be a temporary thing- just make sure she’s comfortable and given as many amenities as she needs, alright?”

With a quick salute, I grin, “Aye aye, Mayor.”

She nods, “Good, good. That’s about all I needed to say, the scroll should tell you the specifics.”

The mayor turned towards the door, then stopped for a moment, “Oh, and Palette?”

“Mm?”

“Please, do try and get out more- it feels so stuffy in here, I can’t imagine how you can stand it.”

My grin falters for a bit, “I’m, ah- working on it. You know, just… so busy with work and stuff. Through rain and snow and all that, right?”

“That’s the mail courier’s slogan,” Mayor Mare said, before shaking her head, “Good day, Miss Brush.”

“Right back at’cha,” I respond, only forcing the grin on my face just a little. The moment the door shut behind her, I groaned.

Alright, it’s not like I’m a total misanthrope- I mean, I’d like to think I like people, you know? It’s just… going out can be so draining sometimes. That and I was pretty sure most ponies in Ponyville thought I was some kind of freaky weirdo. I may or may not have had a bit of a meltdown my first day here.

But that’s all in the past- the mayor’s right, I oughta at least try and go out sometimes. Maybe hang out with Rarity- I mean I may be more of a cartoonist than a fashion designer, but we’ve both got a thing for art. Plus she was pretty nice to me during my first week.

I take a look out the library window, and I can already feel myself getting tired as I watch all the ponies at work, preparing for the festival.
God, I would trade almost anything to be more of an extrovert.

I break the seal on the envelope, and start to read. Blah blah, special request, blah blah Princess, blah Twilight Sparkle and Spike the- oh holy crap a dragon? Those were a thing that existed!?

How the heck am I gonna fit a dragon in this tree library? This VERY FLAMMABLE tree library?

Author's Note

Once more into the breach.

Chapter 2

I sighed loudly as the bell overhead jingled.

"Just a mo-" Rarity looked up from her work, noticing me, "Oh, Palette! For what do I owe the pleasure?"

Sighing dramatically once more, I leaned against wall, pressing a hoof to my forehead, "Rarity, you would not BELIEVE the day I've had."

"Oh dear," Rarity got up, trotting over, "Is the librarian work all that difficult?"

I blew out some air, "Rarity, please- I'm a professional. No no, this is much, much worse."

With a twirl and a flick, I present the royal decree from the cleverly hidden position behind my back. I put on my most tragic face, and with grim resignation I say:

"I'm getting a roommate."

Rarity looked at the scroll, then back to me, then to the scroll again, before giving me a most unamused stare.

"Darling, really you must tone down the dramatics."

"Tch, you know you love it," I grin, opening the scroll up, "Seriously, though- look at that. The Princess is sending her prized pupil here for the celebration to oversee things."

"WHAT!?"

Rarity practically ripped the scroll from my hoof with her telekinesis, pouring it over. I roll my eyes.

"See, now she pays attention."

After a few moments, Rarity let out a sound like a tea kettle ready for tea, hopping in place as she rolled the scroll back up. I smiled- counting the Mayor, Rarity was one of the few ponies I had regular contact with. Have to hand it to the girl, she had her dreams and she was pursuing them with a kind of dedication that I wasn't sure I was even capable of. An already accomplished business woman, with her eyes set on getting her brand in the capital.

Hopefully I could get this Twilight person and her a moment or two alone to buddy up and get Rarity a contact. It was the least I could do.

"Palette, darling this is SPECTACULAR!" Rarity jumped at me, her face uncomfortably close. I lurch back a little, pressing my head back into my neck and forming at least two new chins.

"Uh-"

"Oh my goodness, I- oh I need to redress the shop! New designs on the ponnequins, my best work out on the- Palette, you must convince her to see my shop!"

Grinning a little forcibly, I put a hoof up and create at least two extra feet of space between us, my face flushed.

"I mean, yeah I was absolutely definitely going to do that already. You're my home girl, Rarity- I owe you."

Rarity let out her signature, what I call "beatbox of scoffing", shaking a hoof in my direction, "Honestly, Palette- I was simply doing the dignified thing to do. It's not everyday a pony appears at the edge of town, suffering amnesia and a panic attack, but I'd like to think anypony would do the same thing in my stead."

Aheh, yeah- amnesia. Sure, it was a weak, overplayed lie- but come on, what was I gonna say? 'I'm actually a totally different species trapped in another body?'

I mean, seeing how commonplace magic was in this world, maybe the truth would have been more easily accepted than I thought, but I was too deep in this now, man! I had to double down on my story!

"Anyways, this calls for a celebration!"

"Oh?"

Rarity nodded, walking back over to her counter and straightening the stack of papers she was designing on, "It just so happens that Fluttershy had to cancel on our weekly spa trip today, and I will not accept 'no' as an answer from you, Palette."

I frowned a little. Oh, come on- was I really that much of a recluse?

"I can do spa- why don't you think I can do spa? I'm well adjusted! I go out in public all the time!"

"For anything aside from groceries?"

... Well, shit. She's got me there.

Chapter 3

I gulped, looking over at the three spa workers- particularly the big, buff pegasus with the comically small wings.

Maybe a spa outing was too daunting an outing.

"Don't worry, Bulk's an absolute sweet heart- and absolutely divine with those hooves of his," Rarity said, picking up on my nervousness. I swear, that girl was too good at reading people. Either that or the quill on my butt also meant I was basically an open book. Damn.

"It's absolutely fine to be nervous about your first time-"

I snorted, earning an immediately pout from Rarity.

"Crass, darling- and as I was saying, I'm sure Bulk won't go too hard on you-"

I tried to hold back another snort. I really did.

But Rarity made it way too easy for me- and soon enough I was on the receiving end of the magazine she was reading.

"Palette Brush you stop twisting my words this instant!"

"Stop making it so easy to do so, then." I muttered, rubbing my snout. Snout? Nose? Muzzle? What do you call it on tiny horses? Eh, whatever.

"Really, it's remarkable how we're even friends."

"It's because you loooooooove my shenanigans so much," I said, batting my eyelashes over-dramatically. Rarity simply rolled hers.

"Behave yourself- it's about our turn now, anyways."

Fixing her face back to her normal level of business-calm, Rarity hopped up from the seat as the two spa mares waved us over.

"Miss Rarity, if you would follow myself," The blue one said, while the pink one gave me a wink.

"Do no worry, you are in the most capable of hooves!"

Uhuh. Sure.

I was led down a hall into one of the small massage rooms, the smell of fresh linens hanging on the air with the sounds of a soothing forest river coming from somewhere. Probably magic- spend enough time in pony land and you start accepting most anything you can't explain is probably magic.

Climbing onto the table, I let out a long sigh. I hope I didn't have to-

The sound of the door sliding open interrupted my hopes, re: waiting, as that Bulk pony stepped through.

"Good afternoon, miss Brush! My name is Bulk Biceps and I will be taking care of you today!"

Jiminy Christmas- it's like he was trying not to yell every word he spoke, and not quite succeeding at it.

"Aloe and Lotus tell me this is your first massage?"

"Eh- yup. First time."

Bulk nodded, trotting over, "It's alright to be nervous! When I first started school for this, I was pretty nervous too, on account of being afraid of crushing other ponies with my massive body."

A nervous laugh escaped me, and I quickly clamped my mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't very nice of-"

"Totally fine! Just trying to ease the tension with a joke!"

Well, Rarity wasn't lying when she said he was a sweet heart. I settled down further into the table.

"Alright, consider myself eased. Work your magic, mister Biceps."

"Please, mister Biceps was my father."

I laughed a little more at that- and then suddenly his hooves were working into my shoulders and the world stopped.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh my god.

Holy crap.

"You carry a lot of tension in your spine, do you hunch over a lot?"

I barely manage to gurgle out a yes before regaining control of my faculties.

"Just, you know- at a desk most of the day... oh man..." Was I really holding in so much tension? I felt like jell-o, what was this sorcery.

"It's amazing what a little good posture can do for your health! I also work as a personal trainer at the Ponyville Gym, so I know a couple things about taking care of a body!"

I bet you do holy god, moses, and the burning bush itself.

"If you could exhale on the count of three for me?"

Bulk counted down, and I obliged when he put a firm hoof in the middle of my back and-

CRACK.

"OH GOD that was so good..."

"It's what I do, miss!"

I need to spa more often.

"And then he cracked my back and I swear to all things holy- Rarity, I achieved nirvana right then and there."

Rarity giggled, sipping on a fruity drink in the mud bath right next to mine, cucumbers over our eyes.

"Now, I don't want to say I told you so~"

"But you absolutely one hundred percent told me so." I finished, sinking with a sigh further into the mud. If this weren't so insanely expensive, I'd be joining Rarity every week on these now.

"Glad to see you taking a break from the sarcasm, darling."

"What can I say, after a religious experience like that? My defenses are just kaput," I said, with a sigh, "Like a Joss Whedon character, stripped off all the snark- just leaving the core of a girl who's so afraid of making a social blunder she actively pushes people away so she never gets the chance."

There was a beat of silence, and I lifted up one of my cucumbers to see Rarity giving me a very intense look.

"What?"

"I worry about you very much, Palette."

I groan, "Look, I'm- well, MOSTLY being facetious here. I like people- honest, I do, don't give me that look! I just... I only have so much energy, and too many ponies to spend them on."

I wonder what the equivalent of going to the gym for getting sick gains but with being sociable would be. Talking to a shrink?

Probably.

"Well, hopefully you have the energy for the Summer Sun Celebration," Rarity said, "I'd be very put out to see you miss your first one- well... one that you can remember, at least."

"My- yup! Amnesia, ain't that just the way?"

I need to tell Rarity the truth some day. Jeeze.

Chapter 4

A distant rooster crowed, and my eyes blearily cracked open. Eurgh, mornings- good thing government facilities don't usually open until 9.

Groggily getting up and putting in a half-hearted attempt at making my bed, I started downstairs to the kitchen. Wakey-wakey, eggs and... oats.

Man, why'd I have to get stuck in the body of an herbivore? I've read about the other species on this freaky magic planet, I could be enjoying bacon as a bird-lion thingy or- or... all other manners of furry creatures right about now!

'Just make do with whatcha got, Palette,' I reminded myself, opening up the fridge.

And what I got is apparently absolute zilcho, as the empty fridge stared back at me.

This is just gonna be one of those mornings. Great.

I sighed loudly, slamming the fridge shut as I went back upstairs to pick up my saddlebags- before noticing today's date circled on my calendar:

"New Roommate Today
Prepare Butt-Tattoo for Potential Shenanigans"

Oh yeah. That's a thing. Gonna need extra groceries- hope this girl likes texmex, because that's about the extent of my culinary talents.

Alright- beans? Check. Cheese? Check. Tortillas and veggies? Check.

My stomach gave a little rumble as I trotted away from the Ponyville market, reminding me that I hadn't gotten breakfast yet- and a whiff of cinnamon on the wind gave my mouth more than reason to salivate.

You know, I've been good this week. Did a socializing, adulted good with the food chores. Let's be bad.

And so I took one step inside the most tempting building in all of Ponyville- Sugarcube Corner. The little bell rang above my head as I stepped in, one of the owners at the counter- Mrs. Cake? Yeah, that's probably her name.

"Ooh, someone's up bright and early!" She said, motherly grin on her face. Man, I must really work the "college kid" aura, getting read like that from twenty paces.

"Oh, you know- just... groceries." I tried to fire back. Cut me some slack, no matter how I adjust it, waking hours are just not my best time.

Thankfully all I got was a chuckle, before Mrs. Cake went over to the register, "What can I getcha today, dearie?"

I made a big show of looking over the display- hoof rubbing my chin as I look over all the custards and tarts and donuts- oh my.

"Well, I think there's really only one right answer here," I said, pointing towards the delicacy my stomach most desired, "And that's the cheese danish, please and thank you."

"One danish, coming up!"

I fished out a few bits from my bags, placing them on the counter as Mrs. Cake plated my food. With a cheery "Thank you", I grabbed the plate and took it over to a window-side table.

Mmm.... man, nothing like a pastry to start the morning off right. Why didn't I come here more often, these things are heaven-

The door burst open, a pink blur zipping through in the middle of a prolonged gasp.

"MRS. CAKE there's a NEW PONY IN TOWN!"

Oh yes. That's why.

I'm gonna be honest- I don't hate Pinkie Pie. She's super sweet, she cares about other ponies- it's nice. But while I'm at like, maybe a 4 on a good day energy-wise, she just took the knob, twisted it around a few dozen times and broke it off. I couldn't keep up with that kind of- oh hey right in my face uh-

"Err- Hi there?"

Pinkie grinned, bouncing up and down, "Palette! It's been SOOOOO long! We gotta catch up- but first, I need your help on something!"

"Uhh-"

"Cause I know that new pony's staying at the library- and I'm thinking 'Oh hey, Palette lives at the library! She'd TOTALLY know the best way to set up a party there'!"

"Uhh-"

"And so I was I gonna hop on over there in a jiffy, but you're here! So I can get your help now! Isn't that just an AMAZING coinky-dink?"

I stared for about two seconds, nervously shifting my eyes over to Mrs. Cake for help. She was busy making a fresh batch of muffins- abandoned in my time of need.

"Is it... is it my turn to talk now?"

Pinkie giggle-snorted, ruffling my mane, "Oh, silly! Of course! Anyways, can I get your help setting up a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party for her? I think it'd be the best way for her to make new friends, and she seemed kind of lonely!"

I thought for a moment. I had no reservations about stopping this party- from what I hear, once Pinkie plans a party, that party happens. It's like trying to stop a hurricane- or, well, back home at least. Here they've got pegasi managing the weather so that metaphor just doesn't culturally translate.

And hey, this was the girl that's gonna be staying at the library for the duration of the celebration, anyways. Might as well do what I can to mitigate the damage to my house.

"Mmmmmmm okay."

Pinkie's smile grew somehow wider, and in a flash I was swooped up in a fluffy, magenta hug.

Oh wow, she actually kinda smells like frosting. This is... kinda nice.

"Thank you, thank you, THANK you Palette! You're the absolute best!"

Yeah, just gonna savor this for a couple seconds longer...

After a few moments, Pinkie giggled, "Hey, if you're trying to beat my record for longest hug, I'll have you know I've been the world champion for five years running!"

I started, pulling back out of the hug, feeling a warmth pass over my face.

"Ahah- yeah, uh, can't pull the, um- pony wool over your eyes there, eh?"

Pinkie laughed again, and started bouncing out the door.

"You're a real hoot, Palette- come on! We've got a party to set up!"

I unceremoniously chomped the rest of my danish and levitated the plate into the collection bin, before following Pinkie out the door. You know, this could be fun- spruce up the place with some balloons and streamers, play some games, introduce Miss Sparkle to the whole-

Oh. Oh wait.

The whole town's gonna be at this thing.

Ahhhh fuck.