The Scent of Prey - A Gentleman for Mares Side Story

by AJ Aficionado

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Sex, Human, Blossomforth, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Roseluck, Other, Romance, Flitter and Cloudchaser
Length: 20551

Set in the Gentlemanverse and inspired by Aetherpony's "Wild Rose." Richard, a Gentleman for hire, is called upon to tend to the needs of Ponyville's resident rose vendor.

Richard Eckhart AKA "Stuntman" has served in the U.S. Air Force, thrown himself out perfectly good aircraft and lived, and traveled across dimensions to the magical land of Equestria. Now working for Gentleman For Mares, Equestria's premier escort service offering human male companionship to the lonely female population, he favors the company of pegasi clients who share his love of the sky.

Having been grounded after taking a fall during an ill-advised stunt that involved leaping off a cloud bank strapped to Fleetfoot's back, he's restricted to earth pony duty, assigned to tend to the needs of a certain Ponyville flower vendor who seeks a very particular style of roleplay. Will he complete his assignment with his morals and sanity intact? Will he be the same afterward? Or will his latest client show him that there's more to life than pegasi and steal his very heart?

Featured on the 6th of September 2014. Part of Demon Eyes Laharl's Gentlemanverse. The original concept was inspired by Aetherpony's Wild Rose. He disappeared from the site shortly after giving me his blessing to write this. Farewell, Great One.

Edited by Firesight.

I was going to rewrite this and decided not to. This edition is a 1.2 version of the original 2014 story edited sometime in early 2015 with Firesight's help.

Fetishes include anal, bondage, roleplay, and Mile High Clubbing with pegasi.

Very old piece of art by php87 from his blog back when he went by the name "∀".

Published 2014-09-16 04:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-31 01:57:33 UTC

Prologue: Roseluck's Tale

“Mud, mud mud!” I groused, replacing my tenth towel of the day near the front door of Daisy’s Fleuronic Fantasies. A howling gale left over from the earlier storm, which forced me to set up shop indoors that day, blew a cool, and very welcome, breeze through my sweaty mane.

On the one hoof, this meant I wasn’t standing around in the heat, which as any mare will tell you is the worst thing ever to deal with during estrus since you’re already feeling feverish. On the other hoof, the threshold at the front door was being trampled over by droves of muddy-hooved customers, waiting in front of the desk I sat behind with all the bits we’d earned for the day.

I shuddered involuntarily, wanting nothing more than to find the nearest rain puddle and dive into it to clean the spatters off my normally impeccable coat and mane. I wiped my forehead with one of my spare towels and prayed for the end of my shift, where I’d hopefully find relief in the form of a handsome stallion. Lacking a cold shower, I decided a glass of cold water would have to do for the time being.

Taking advantage of the temporary absence of customers, I rushed back to the house. Slaloming around the long sofa in the living room to get to the icebox on the other side in our tiny kitchen, I noticed my good friend and Boss Mare, Daisy, had the door closed to her office. So I was alone… and in heat... if any human stallions decided to show up to take advantage.

I shoved that thought as far into the back of my mind as I could. I was being absurd, after all. Discussing our new human guests from across the dimensional portal with Lyra tended to bring out the patently ridiculous, given her instant obsession with the bipedal species. However silly it may of been, there was no denying their dark allure: the predatory appearance, the repressed sexuality that took form in their modest use of clothing to cover themselves up, and their embarrassment at the very mention of sex in casual conversation.

To make things even more awkward, we ponies lacked the need to wear clothes except for special occasions, and according to Lyra, humans took notice of certain things we took for granted. It wasn’t difficult to imagine a man, as meek as mild as they seemed, to simply lose control at the sight of a beautiful mare and take advantage. I shivered at the thought, not entirely against such a development. Still uneasy, I was ready to slam the lid on the icebox at the first sign of intruders, I carefully opened the appliance, discovering it free of humans, and drank my ice water in uneasy peace.

The bell at the front door rang, introducing me to a familiar, if not always friendly face. “Good afternoon, Bon Bon. What can I do you for?” I cringed internally at the filly fooler-ish interpretations that one might draw from my unintended slip, but maintained my professional demeanor. I was randier than a rabbit after winter wrap-up, and more frustrated than Luna after nine-hundred and ninety-nine years on the moon, but Celestia knows I’d never be that desperate for intimacy…

Never.

Bon Bon hadn’t noticed, distractedly waving her right forehoof back and forth delicately. I wondered if she’d caught a good whiff of my heat… and if she was entertaining any thoughts of me for it. “I just have a little request is all,” the earth pony mare replied vaguely.

What gives, Bons? I wondered to myself, my mind taking her statement in various rude directions. The last we’d spoken, she hadn’t had any issue with me. Hay, that made her one of the few mares that did! Stowing my concerns for Bon Bon’s strange behavior, and my musings on the jealousy of lesser mares, I pressed on. “Well I’m here for all your floral needs, so ask away.”

Bon Bon nodded, “Well it’s rather technical since the flowers I need, that is the colors I need, are a little bit contrasting.”

She says to me inside the largest flower shop in town. “Come on, Bon Bon, look around: we’ve got all the colors of the rainbow in here.” I tossed my mane, proudly, showing off my two-toned tail. Perhaps somewhat rudely, I’d later thought given the mismatch of colors on her body — I mean come on, pink and blue tail stripes? — in all its pink and red pastel-colored glory.

Bon Bon looked towards the floor, more bashful than ever. Maybe she’s distantly related to Lily somehow? “I-I know... wh-what I mean is, I need the colors to be on the same flower. I heard you had some of those northern crystal roses; the ones that adapt to any pattern you expose them to?”

I blinked. Why did she want that? Nevertheless, I maintained my professional demeanor and nodded, gesturing towards the door leading to the greenhouse. “Yeah, we got a half dozen in from the Crystal Empire a few days back. But, Bon Bon… those are very expensive. They only grow in the caverns underneath the Yak mountains and they have to be kept —”

“— In very special conditions since they adapt to the first flash of color they’re exposed to.” Bon Bon finished for me. “I know. And I assure you, Rose, money isn’t an issue this time round.”

That meant a lot coming from the mare who once scowled at a farm filly over a matter of a bushel of apples. The poor gal must still be having nightmares from the description of the story I’d heard secondhoof. And yet, here she was, about to shell out even more bits for that flower than her now-legendary sackful of apples. “Alright…if you’re sure that’s what you want.”

“I also need... two.”

My ‘professional demeanor’ shattered like china beneath the hooves of a buffalo stampede as I tallied up the number of bits in my head. “Two? Bon Bon… that’s quite a hefty price tag you’re looking at there.”

The chocolatier looked up at me intensely, exhaling her anxiety in one long sigh. “I know, but please, trust me; this is very important, and I have to do it right.”

I had no idea in Tartarus what right and wrong meant to her in the context of our discussion, but I understood the value of bits well enough. “Of course, Bon Bon. The customer is always right, after all. So what colors will you be needing them in?”

She reared back her hindquarters and flicked her two-toned tail at me by way of response.

She’ll be needing them in her… rear end? I thought dimly to myself, before my brain took back control over my mind from my estrus, leaving me feeling stupid. “Oh, you mean you want them in the same colors as your tail?”

Bon Bon nodded back, her eyes looking straight down at the only patch of floor not covered by muddy towels.

“Oh, well that shouldn’t be… too…” And then it clicked. “You mean…”

Bon Bon nodded, her face neutral.

“B-but two? Who would you —” I stammered, still not quite believing it. “D-do you mean you’re going to…”

Bon Bon nodded again, more slowly this time.

My head darted towards the door leading to the kitchen. Daisy wasn’t here, but one can never be too sure. The door to the greenhouse was shut, meaning Lily’s virgin ears would not be desecrated by our... unnatural discussion. Hurriedly shutting the window to deny any snooping pegasi a chance at espionage, I lowered my voice conspiratorially. “S-so what made you change your mind? Last we talked you were telling us about how —”

“— I know…” Bon Bon cut in sharply again, shades of her usual grouchy character returning. “I guess I’ve just had a… change of perspective lately.”

A change of perception or a change of scenery? I wondered, my flower quivering impatiently at the stem from the series of erotic images flashing through my mind, leaving my mouth to its own devices. “Y-you do know that doing… it won’t be exactly like with a regular stallion, right?”

“Actually not so different…” Bon Bon replied with a grin. “Just more... drawn out.”

More drawn out? I pondered. Is she saying they last even longer than stallions in the bedroom? Lyra hadn’t mentioned to this to me before. Trying repeatedly, and unsuccessfully, to pick my jaw up off the counter, I stumbled through the rest of the conversation. In the wake of Bon Bon’s departure, I was left two-hundred bits richer and a great deal sweatier than when our discussion began. The impossible had come true; Bon Bon was joining a herd with Lyra and a human stallion!

Was I really missing out on humanity? I’d seen the occasional human at my shop and found them… formidable to say the least — bipeds like minotaurs, though not as large or broad with an ape-like upper half. By coincidence or no, most of the immigrants to Equestria were young adult men in their sexual prime and the way they’d look at passing mares, unclothed and vulnerable, told me all I needed to know about them. Give them a month or two, and nature would take its course… and in at least case I knew of, it already had. I swallowed hard as Bon Bon walked off, leaving me alone with my shadow…

My very hungry human shadow. A relentless predator who hunted me patiently, an obsessed stalker who would not rest until he’d tasted mare…

Until he’d tasted me.

The thought made me shiver despite the warm temperatures, my hoof involuntarily moving towards my suddenly-sodden crotch. There were no customers around, so maybe...

“Hey Rose?” A voice called out to me, breaking his spell.

I immediately disappeared beneath my desk — all 5 foot nine and one-hundred forty pounds of me. “Don’t hunt me! I don’t taste good!”

“I’ll take your word on that, sweetie!” Daisy chortled as she came in from the back entrance to the house, then made a show of waving her hoof in front of her face as if to dispel a smell. “Whew! Rose, I think the stallions can smell you from all the way across Equestria. I better take over the front desk. I think one look at you is enough to knock you up! You can take over for me deadheading those bushes outside.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Daisy!” Banging my head on the bottom of the desk with a grunt, I dragged myself and what little remained of my dignity out the back door, confident that any men lurking outside wouldn’t likely be hiding in the rose bushes. Ignoring Daisy’s wisecrack as I headed out the door, I knew that with my heat just beginning, it was going to be a long week.

*****

My estrus passed, but my fears and fantasies did not. One week turned into a month, followed by a year, but my stalker never came for me. No matter how much I feared him. No matter how much I desired him.

Still, I could picture him, lurking unseen out of the corner of my eye. No matter how many stallions I was with, my obsession with him only grew until finally I couldn’t take it any more. I had to have him… or more to the point, I had to let him have me. But for it to happen, I was going to have to take matters into my own hooves. The only question was… how? There was no way to communicate my fantasy to human men without creating an awkward and cringe-inducing scene. And I was terrified of confiding in any of my friends. Lily would freak, and Daisy…

Well, she’d never let me live it down for as long as I lived.

Then the answer walked right into me. Carrying a sign, no less! Sea Swirl, a unicorn mare living on the northern end of Ponyville I only barely knew, asked me to join a group that called themselves H.E.R.D.—for Harmony Equestrian Reclamation Division—which was protesting the existence of a human/pony escort service called Gentleman For Mares. They were based in Manehatten but had an increasing number of branches throughout Equestria, and many mares were swearing by them… to the consternation of some ponies, including the group I was now with,. Most of the ponies with me lounging on the shore of Saddle Lake weren’t very interested in what she had to say, but a small cluster of supporters with angry faces gathered to hear her story about a man named “Harry” who had used her, ‘tricking’ her into making love with him just so he could make her a paying customer.

In retrospect, I should have told her she’d misspelled the word ‘deceivers’ on her sign. Oh well…

“Surely, you can see the obvious threat humanity poses to us, Rose.” The fanatical, sign-wielding unicorn insisted. “The sustained flow of human immigrants into our dimension is going to destroy our culture, break our bonds of harmony, and undo hundreds of years of peace!” she insisted. “Herds will crumble, stallions will be forgotten and many mares will be hurt. Won’t you help me stop this? Won’t you help expose this evil to all?” she asked earnestly as the others looked at me expectantly.

For the sake of the information I so desperately wanted, I decided to play along. “This all sounds very serious, Sea Swirl. Tell me where this “Gentleman For Mares” is and I will bring the fight to their very doorstep!” I gave a stiff salute, prompting smiles and hoofclops from the assembled supporters.

Sea Swirl looked unconvinced. “Such dedication from a new member! But are you sure you won’t end up being taken in by their lies? Your reputation is well known, Roseluck!”

Firefly, strike me down! Was it even obvious to mares I didn’t know on the other end of town how badly I needed human attention? But the lie came easily to me after a year of practice of giving it. “Hey now, filly! I’m all about stallions. Preferably with a six-foot wingspan and eight inches to spare… If you know what I mean!” That much was true enough, at least. I tended to go for well-hung pegasi, but increasingly, even they weren’t doing it for me. My human stalker had supplanted them in my psyche, and wouldn’t let me go.

And increasingly, I didn’t want him to.

Sea Swirl rolled her eyes, bringing hoof to face. “Uh, yeah. That’s kind of what I meant! You’re not exactly the most… loyal mare that I’ve met. How do you find common cause with us when you will so quickly sell-out your stallion for the purpose of another cheap fling?”

In a flash of anger, I felt my right forehoof lift off the grass. A single blow to her horn would be all it took to express my displeasure with her nasty tone and judgey stare. But before I could rear up and pop her one, I remembered I was supposed to be undercover and that despite being an earth pony I was absolutely useless in a fight. Chances were, I would probably miss her horn with my kick and would end up getting my flank kicked by these ponies if I tried anything untoward. Stomping my hoof back down hard to let them know I meant business, I changed tack. “Whatever you may think you know about my reputation is all horseapples! I wouldn’t dare sleep with a human. If you knew me at all, you would know that I live in fear of them! I’m terrified of being stalked by one!” Again, that was true as far as it went. I wasn’t about to say that there was also an unmistakable thrill that accompanied that fear.

That seemed to take the unicorn agitator by surprise. “Is that so? But don’t you have to deal with those two-legged freaks everyday?”

Sensing victory, I moved in to complete my deception, making a face. “I do, Sea Swirl, and it’s horrible! They’re so scary with their pointed teeth. I-I heard they even eat meat!” My shiver was real, though its source was decidedly different than they thought.

There was a loud murmur of assent from the gathered H.E.R.D. members.

Sea Swirl regarded me for a moment, then nodded. “I guess I had you figured all wrong, Rose. I’ll give you directions to the main office in Manehatten. If you can carry out a little… ‘redecorating’ of the building itself, we might consider you to join us.” Sea Swirl reached into her saddlebag and handed me part of what appeared to have once been a newspaper article. “Good luck, my sister.”

I saluted her again, exulting in my victory. “I won’t let you down!” I told them, even as I was planning to do just that. I’d make up an excuse later, but that was a question for another day. Directions in hand, I went straight to the train station and didn’t look back. For if I did, I feared I’d lose my nerve.

I looked down at the rain-soaked non-slick, steel surface of the tram to avoid the faces of the other passengers for most of the ride, tucking my protruding forelock back under my raincoat. The rain was blowing into the compartment sideways, making me wish they’d designed them like the train I’d rode into town on, certain they’d made them this way and scheduled rain on this day just to harass me. Whoever’s idea it was to build a carriage with a roof but no walls needs to have their head examined! At least I could take solace in the fact that the stone-lined street wouldn’t be reduced to a river of what ponies in Stalliongrad referred to as ‘rasputitsa’, and what Ponyvillians simply called ‘mud’.

It was night, a time back in Ponyville to be indoors with a good stallion to keep you company and a sturdy lock to keep the monsters of the Everfree out, but here in Manehatten neither human nor pony need fear the unknown. There were police ponies out on patrol, armed with powerful clubs holstered to their sides, stern looking and tough, but the atmosphere on the street was friendly, if a bit harried by the rain. The shops positively sparkled with light and color, combining unicorn magic with ‘magic’ of technology brought to us by our human guests. Finally reaching the 7th street/40th avenue junction, I jumped off onto the paved sidewalk with a loud ‘clop’, my heart beating a mile a minute as I finally neared my destination…

If not my very destiny.

“Don’t these ponies ever sleep?”I grumbled to myself in an effort to master my growing nerves, feeling smaller than ever before being surrounded my other raincoat clad ponies and people at street-level. Taking a left on 40th avenue, I made my way down the less-traveled and much older shopping district. The relative darkness only added to my foreboding considering where I was going. It felt wrong, thinking as I was about the stallions — comfort horses as they’re known — that haunted the big cities, selling themselves for money to buy ‘buck’, ‘dash’, and other sorts of drugs they’d become addicted to.

Even knowing where I was going, I almost walked past it. The boring old brick building blended in with the usual scenery of an older shopping district, overshadowed by the newer, flashier shops on 7th street. That is, until a white carriage pulled by four stallions pulled up beneath the shelter of the porte cochère, depositing a beautiful blue unicorn mare dressed all in white; her horn glinted with a silver, ringed ornament which spiraled up its length and cost more than I made in a month.

Encouraged by the sight of my fellow sister — or perhaps very wealthy distant cousin — walking inside the innocent-looking structure without a single hint of guilt or shame, I steeled myself for battle. I couldn’t shake the fear that I was handing myself over to my worst enemy, which in fact I was. Well if that prissy unicorn can do it, so can I! Strutting up to the front door, throwing back the hood of my raincoat to reveal my glorious, perfectly coordinated two-toned red and pink mane, I flashed the man at the door a roguish grin before setting hoof inside.

It wasn’t nearly as good as Miss Unicorn’s entrance, but it was one the doorman surely wouldn’t forget. They never do.

Author's Note

The scene with Roseluck and Bon Bon talking is taken from "The First Gentleman" by Betashade with his express permission and switched to Roseluck's perspective of the conversation.

Thanks to Betashade for letting me tie our two stories into a single continuity and to Firesight for editing and suggestions.

Now that the story is completely out of balance, I'll definitely need to expand the chapters. Welcome to TSoP 2.0 folks!

The Down(ed) to Earth Gentleman

"The Scent of Prey"

A G4M Side Story by AJ Aficionado

I love my job!

Others may have better pay, benefits, or more flexible hours. Others may not have to work at all, living off the largesse of a rich inheritance. For most of these people they probably won't have to break their hip in their line of work either, but that's probably just me.

No that's definitely just me. I can take things a bit too far.

"You're lucky you weren't killed, you dolt!" Ever Ring scolded me while I was laid up in the hospital, adding a swat across the back of the head with the soft part of her hoof. A white unicorn with pink mane and tail, Ever Ring was my handler for Gentleman for Mares as well as what seemed my surrogate mother as she informed me I wasn't going to be getting any pegasus assignments for awhile.

Assignments you may ask? Yes, work assignments. My name is Richard (rhymes with Picard) Eckhart, and my company, Gentlemen for Mares, sends me out to give the mares of Equestria the time of their lives. Assuming they have the money of course.

It wasn't until that portal opened in the Pacific ocean that I was given a glimpse of my future as an alien living in an alternate dimension. It wasn't until I saw the female inhabitants of said dimension during television coverage of first contact that I got curious about the idea of relationships outside of my species. Not that I dared share that little bit of information with even my closest friends. A lot of them to this day think of the Equestrians as animals and human/pony relations as bestiality; it makes for awkward dinner conversation when the subject of my new life in "Horsie Land" comes up.

Scraping together the resources for a visit through the now stable and heavily regulated wormhole wasn't easy, but any cost was worth it. A land of colorful talking equines? This I had to see for myself!

*****

I was just a tourist up until reaching the city of Manehatten. I have no idea how the ponies managed to pattern nearly all of their cities' names after North America's, and I've long stopped caring. The upshot of it is I met her; the mare who's slain a thousand men, Five Stars. I was just standing there drinking my coffee outside of Star Bucks, when I felt a light smack on the ass by a green tail belonging to a tawny-coated earth pony with orange eyes that reflected the doomed souls of the innocent.

It didn't even take her an hour to get me back to her place and etch her name into the back of my subconscious forever. Along with adding a new scalp to her collection, she got my autograph as well on a contract to join the escort service to which she was a trainer in the fine art of lovemaking. Promising this would lead to eligibility for an extension on my visa and even a pathway to citizenship, I happily signed my life away to the manager of Gentlemen for Mares, a unicorn mare by the name of Platinum Corona, who seems to have a lot of pull in the government.

I hadn't had a reason to regret my decision to do so until very recently, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Another great perk about working for G4M is the pegasi-drawn chariots. To and from every job, Ever Ring will transport me and the other gentlemen she handles wherever in Equestria we need to go. Her balancing of the schedules for all five of us is an enviable piece of time management skills that few can surpass. Now flying back from the hospital where the healers had pronounced me fully recovered from my fall of fifty feet, it was time for the second shoe to drop. "No more pegasi!? Come on, Ever Ring! it was one little slip-up! It could have happened to anyone!" I pleaded to her like I pleading to my mother not to be grounded.

To little surprise, Ever Ring wasn't buying it. "You should have thought about that before you decided to include death-defying feats of aerial fornication to your list of hobbies, Richard. I know you have a reputation to maintain and all, but the safety of our gentlemen and their clients comes first. You're a valuable investment Richie, and I need you to stay close to the ground for awhile."

Many of my clients are pegasi; we just seem to really hit it off for some reason. I suppose they just appreciate a human that can tolerate risks. With a lifestyle that often includes the manipulation of weather or high-speed aerial acrobatics, you have to be a bit mental. In any case I stand to lose a lot of money if this keeps up for too long. "How long are we talking about here Eve? Long enough to worry about what I'm going to eat next week or long enough to worry about paying the rent?"

Eve turned to look at me with a look of calculated calm honed from years of delivering Gentlemen the news that they were about to draw a nasty dose of KP duty, and smiled. "My dear, dear Richie. How could you suggest your auntie Eve would let you go hungry?" With that she reached over and gave me a pinch on the cheek with her left fore hoof.

Yes, I said pinch — with hooves. Equestrian ponies are really something else. “Can’t I just say I’m sorry and be forgiven?” I put on my most doe-eyed innocent look.

She smirked. "We'll see how sorry you are for your carelessness after your next assignment," she continued, opening her saddlebag with magic and levitating a folder over to me. "Platinum Corona has received a rather... interesting request from a client in Ponyville that requires a bit of forwardness on the part of the gentlemen and a certain appreciation for danger," she said as she deposited the folder in my lap. “one that doesn't require flying."

I leaned back in my seat and sighed; I'm never going to live this shit down.

"Oh buck up Richie, it's all in good fun.” Eve’s voice suddenly turned serious. “I do have to warn you, though. Ponyville is not exactly the most welcoming place for Gentlemen at the moment. So I want you to be discreet — wear street clothes and try not to go handing out Noble Greetings to every mare you meet."

I nodded. I'd been keeping up with the articles in the Manehatten Post and things were not going well for the good guys. Ponyville in particular had seen some very important and influential mares turn hostile to our presence. One was a Wonderbolts member and another of them reportedly possessed the strength of ten stallions and kicked trees for a living. I winced at the image, thinking about what one of her trees must feel like.

Ever Ring brought me back around by waving a hoof in front of my face. "You with me, Richie?"

"Yeah sorry," I replied shaking myself out of my reverie and turning my attention to the folder in my lap. "I was just thinking about that one pony. The uhh, Tree Kicker of Ponyville. I don't suppose I would fair well in a fight."

And with that Eve brought hoof to face and sighed. "It's Applejack, and she's a friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Honestly Ricard, don't you think about anything but the sky?"

"It's where all the action is!" I proclaimed proudly.

Or rather where it was…

At least, that's what I thought until I began reading from the folder which played out like a scene from a 1970's rape-revenge fantasy movie that no one ever saw. The kind of stuff the internet makes fun of for a living! "Wha… she wants me to hunt her down and eat her!? I know I've been hungry enough to eat a horse but this is ridiculous!"

Ever Ring snorted and valiantly tried not to laugh but to no avail; she's always kind of liked corny jokes. After wiping the tears away with her hoof she composed herself. "Don't tell me you've never had a fantasy that didn't make any sense! Look Richie, this poor mare has been through a lot living out on the frontier. She's not only survived all manner of disaster, but she's managed to carve out for herself a good chunk of the flower trade between herself and her friends. She's more than earned herself a bit of fun."

I directed her attention towards the folder, pointing at single instruction. "Eve... it says I have to dress up like a fox hunter!"

Suppressing another giggle, Eve soldiered on. "You may be grounded, but your job hasn't changed, Richie. Fox hunter or no, you are still in the business of making mares happy. Tomorrow, you are going to perform for her in a different way than usual but you will still be the man of her dreams. It’ll be a good change of pace for you; I know you can do this."

"I'm not really much of an actor Eve,” I groaned, running a hand through my hair.

"When you make your grand entrance and see her standing there, you’ll know exactly what to do, Richie. You just have to find it in yourself to believe that." She rapped the bench seat with her hoof, to drive the point home.

Curse you Eve for always knowing what to say. She's right. I sell myself every day; it's my job after all. "So I take it Harry is unavailable?"

"Oh he's busy dear. Very, very busy.” She winked at me slyly.

Sometimes I really hate that guy's luck.

Author's Note

This was going to a be full-blown clopfic, but I just didn't have one in me.

Fear and Loathing and Cupcakes

The rest of the flight back home went without incident. Eve and I had a good laugh about the outfit, but she insisted that once I got to the job it was serious business from there on out. From what I gathered from her and the oddly specific details of my client’s request, I had a pretty good idea what I was walking into.

"Haven't seen this place in a while," I thought to myself as I pushed open the door to my humble Manehatten Apartment, one of scores of anonymous brick buildings hastily erected to house the swelling number of human inhabitants. This was a plus in that I didn't have to stoop too much in the shower, not convenient when you're 6 feet 2 inches tall. On the downside, I didn't possess much in the way of creature comforts. Rummaging about in the icebox produced nothing but pork that didn't survive my stint in the hospital. I'd have to settle for crackers and apple preserves until I could head out to the market.

Living in a pre-modern civilization is not a whole lot of fun. Home is a roof over your head, but not much else. Space is cramped so activity outside of sleep is centered around my living room that has to share it's space with my lifting equipment. While there is magic-generated lighting eliminating the need for torches, and gems can be used as batteries to power small things like my vinyl record player, technology is still way behind the ponies progress on advanced magical manipulation. Amazing as it is to think about, the Equestrians can control the very forces of nature, but they can't produce electricity from steam.

This meant that in the rare instances I was at home I was working out or reading the newspaper. After weeks in the hospital, I was very much in need of the former, so I put on some classical music by the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra and got to work. Not my favorite kind of music admittedly, but it really grows on you. I've actually been to Canterlot to see them perform, and I can tell you the Cellist, Octavia is a real knockout! Well, for an earth pony anyway…

After a quick shower — thank God, the ponies figured out indoor plumbing — I decided to turn in early. My humble bedroom is just as cramped as the rest of my apartment, but lining the walls were posters of famous Pegasi. Rainbow Dash has her own wall of course, she's been the most famous pony on Earth since First Contact when she nearly started an interdimensional war in the pursuit of being awesome. There's group photos of me and various other Mile High enthusiasts from all over the country. Mostly ponies, but a few griffons as well. Of course there's also my wall devoted to the Wonderbolts, including the one that literally got away, Fleetfoot.

I was holding on and she kinda slipped out of my hands; I felt it in the morning.

Mile High Clubbing is actually not that dangerous for land-loving species when practiced responsibly in contemporary fashion with towing lines. It's been practiced for thousands of years by the griffons who obviously didn't need them, and was introduced to ponies only very recently. At least it's only gained some notoriety recently as airborne, inter-species erotica is not your typical dinnertime discussion in most households. When humans came along, measures were put in place to make it safe for flightless species. Quite a few flightless ponies took to the skies as well, I'm reminded by looking at the smiling face of Cherry Berry, an earth pony wearing her trademarked aviator goggles and standing next to her pegasus friend, and her hot air balloon after their first successful flight.

There are still a few die-hards out there who believe you're not living unless you do it bareback, and Fleetfoot was one of those ponies. While most flyers aren't strong enough to support their own weight plus a human, a professional stunt flyer like Fleetfoot can. So she convinced me to take a cloudwalking potion and leap from the canopy on her back while she glided down. To my credit I held up my end and topped off her tank, but I couldn't land the deal, to turn a phrase, and wound up plummeting fifty feet and into a world of pain.

I'm lucky to have survived. Neither my comrades nor my handler will ever let me live it down.

*****

It felt like a mini vacation: a full afternoon of hanging around Ponyville before the big hunt later tonight. My only responsibility was picking up my fox hunter outfit from the appropriately named Carousel Boutique. The shop’s owner was a unicorn mare and occasional G4M client named Rarity, an avid Gentlemen supporter who had graciously offered her place to shower up and change before heading to Roseluck's shop, meaning I could save some of my commission money on getting a room. Instead of the usual delivery by chariot, I made my way through town from the train station as to not draw too much attention to myself; instead of my usual Gentleman power suit and tie, I settled for the tourist look; blue jeans and white tennis shoes with a t-shirt featuring the screaming face of Bronson Pinchot with the back of the shirt proclaiming, "Ask me about time!"

Passing by the only bakery in town, the gingerbread house look-a-like Sugarcube Corner, was enough to remind me how long ago it had been since my last pitiful meal so I stopped in for a bite to eat. Good timing; the lunch-time rush was apparently over as I was the only person or pony in line. Manning the register was a curly haired, pink on pink earth pony mare with big, baby blue eyes. "OooooOOOooooOooo... You're new to town aren'tcha? Whoa, I'm picking up a doozy!" Behind the counter she stomped a hoof twice, blinked once, flicked her right ear twice, and wiggled her right forehoof.

And then she inhaled deeply, as if sampling my scent. I don't like where this is go —

"YOU’RE A GENTLEMEN!!!!!” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

The force of her bellowing nearly blew me back outside as I waved my arms frantically to hopefully convey to her my sincere desire for her to shut the hell up. "Shh! Can you kindly NOT go shouting that about!? I'm trying not to make a scene!" I visibly cringed, whipping my head around to check to see who may have heard the mad pink pony's proclamation, but finding to my great relief I had thankfully dodged the bullet. How did she even know that!?

Seeing me standing there with my teeth clenched and the fearful look in my eyes, she certainly got the point and was none too happy about it. The chipper smile she had been wearing was replaced with an industrial-strength, morale sapping frown that drew all happiness from the room. Even her mane seemed to have deflated. Can pony hair do that?

"I'm...I'm so sorry. It's just that I've never seen one of you in Ponyville before and I wanted to welcome you to our town. Please don't be angry with me," she said miserably.

Her recently deflated mane now hung limp in a single part across the right side of her face, her blue eyes beginning to cloud up. My first reaction should have been to immediately console the mare, and sail the conversation into calmer waters before leaving with doughnut in hand, but my brain seemed to have locked up completely. All I could do was stare into the fathomless blue abyss, and gaze upon the majesty of flowing pink locks over her down-turned ear, as she reached up with one elegant hoof to wipe away a single tear from her lovely visage.

"I...uh...please don't be sad," was all I could manage to get out. Straining to think through the pink haze my brain had descended into, it occurred to me that something wasn't right here.
Halfway through reaching my hand out to run my fingers through her luscious pink mane, it poofed back into place and the smile had returned accompanied by numerous internal alarm bells alerting me to my sudden onset of insanity.

"Oh you're right, I just was being silly!" the pink mare cut in."So what will it be stranger? I've got cookies, I've got cupcakes, I got a fresh batch of Chimi-Cherry-Changas all hot and ready..."

The verbal barrage, spoken in a high-pitched girly squeal, continued unabated for five solid minutes as I tried to answer the burning question of what it all means; and why was I here, and what is this mare's problem, and what is my problem? Finding a foothold in the one-sided conversation, I just asked for one of those Chimi-Cherry things. Or was it Cherry-Chonga? My head hurts!

"That'll be two bits mister; you will not be disappointed! You won't find a better Chimi-Cherry-Changa anywhere in Equestria! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" With that she gestured something with her hoof and poked herself in the eye.

I don't even…

"Thank you miss, ah, what's your name? I'm, uh… Stuntman." I reached my hand out to fist bump her hoof. No point in withholding my call name if she already knows I’m a Gentlemen, right?

"Name's Pinkie Pie," she replied, returning the greeting. "I'll have it right out in a jiffy!" Galloping off at high speed and disappearing through double doors into the kitchen, she left me to sort out what in blazes just happened.

Maybe my weeks long abstinence is causing me to go insane? Nah, I was only crazy part of the time.

Well maybe she's crazy and I'm receiving bits of crazy through telekinesis? Could be, but no way to prove that. Asking her could be problematic. She seems to experience the darkest sadness ever felt by anyone, and I can't let that happen.

Perhaps I'm crazy right now thus rendering this entire internal monologue entirely useless?

"Or... perhaps you just really want to rut me senseless, but you don't want to compromise your secret mission and risk causing a bigscene; and have ponies rioting in the streets, and pelting you with rotten fruit or get banished to the moon by Celestia!?” Pinkie’s face was now right in mine, her huge eyes swallowing up my field of vision.

And with that my heart just stopped. The only explanation my half-melted mind could come up with was that I took a wrong turn and wound up in hell, and this is Pink Satan.

"Oh! I have your food!" She brought it over on a tray attached to a long handle that she carried with her teeth, and set it down on my table while I wasn't looking.

"I don't know how you did that, but thanks," I replied with a lame attempt at a smile that probably came off as cringing.

"Anytime friend! Though I am afraid I'll have to finish out my shift before you can plow my field! The Cakes will be very upset if I let anything burn while I'm off getting tucked in. I'm going to be having a party later though around five p.m. and you are soooooo invited to come!" The grin she was wearing would have been downright heartwarming if I wasn't afraid for my sanity.

"Uh, thanks Pinkie, but… I don't think I can make it. And... and I haven't said anything about rutting! How are you reading my mind like that!?" As I finished my sentence I just knew I was doomed. Her hair deflated once more, but the look of crushing sadness had been replaced with a look of gleeful mischief.

"Just a hunch," she whispered into my ear as I felt a hoof slowly creep up the front of my shirt and over my shoulder. From my seated position she stood level with my face waiting to see if I would offer up any resistance. Confident this resistance would never come, she savored the moment before taking the plunge. Licking her lips she moved forward putting her other hoof over my shoulder and ran her tongue along the tip of my upper lip as I drew her in with my hands already stroking her long, regal neck and mane into a long, slow kiss. I don’t know what it was, either my ongoing shock or the simple fact I’ve always found craziness a little attractive, but I realized at that moment that this mare had me in her thrall and could pretty much do anything with me she wanted. I moaned gently as she pushed past my teeth with her tongue to subdue my own, bringing with it the faint taste of strawberries and cream.

"Pinkie when you're done over there can you help me with the cannolos?" Pinkie withdrew and turned to face the sound of the voice, a plump middle-aged blue-coated pony with a purple mane and tail. She was not amused.

"Yes ma'am!" Pinkie’s hair poofed up again as the matronly earth mare shook her head and walked back into the kitchen muttering under her breath. "Sorry Stuntman, but duty calls. Good luck on your date, and happy hunting!" She gave me a parting kiss before trotting up to the double doors behind the counter. , "I'll get you next time buster!" she promised with a flag of her tail and an almost-evil grin over her shoulder, and I knew at that moment beyond any shadow of a doubt that she would.

I gave her a dazed smile and a stiff salute, one echoed by the bulge in my pants. By some combination of insanity and immaculately executed game I was certain she could take anyone, person or pony, down. Five Stars would be proud. Picking up the bag containing my pastries I turned and made my exit, wondering if I ever dared come back again…

Author's Note

I bet the "ask me about time" joke is funny only to me, but there you go.

I just wrote an erotic scene involving Pinkie Pie.

I need a moment to go ponder the nature of the universe and what it all means...

Bridle Time

"Well that escalated quickly," I thought to myself as I walked along a road leading off from the center square where most of Ponyville's shops were located, munching on one of the Chimi-Cherry-Chongas as I went. As promised, the cherry pastries, wrapped up like a tortilla and fried to golden perfection, were delicious! I wonder which brings her more repeat customers, the food or the hospitality?

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a tan-coated earth pony stallion with dark brown mane/tail walking along beside me. He wore a red bow tie around his neck. "I don't suppose you could tell me a thing or two about time?" He had a knowing smile on his face and gestured towards his flank which was emblazoned with an hourglass symbol and then towards my back.

"I suppose not, friend," I replied with a smile acknowledging the irony of the situation. "What brings you out this way?"

"Oh, just a moment of peace in a simpler time," he answered plaintively. ”Taking a break from it all is quite necessary to keep from losing your mind... wouldn't you agree?"

I'm not sure if he was talking over my head, but I nodded in agreement with the sentiment all the same. "Yeah I guess so. But to me, Equestria is a welcome change of pace. Things are certainly a lot more hectic where I'm from."

His face seemed to suggest that he disagreed with my definition of hectic. "And what brings you to the countryside, human? A chance to get away from it all... or perhaps a run in with destiny?"

"I'm just here for the scenery," I replied with an askance look, not sure what to make of the question. A run in with destiny? What did he mean by that?

"Mmmmm. Yes, of course." The stallion hung his head and sighed, as if disappointed.

For the second time that day I began to wonder how much the pony I was speaking to knew about me, so I decided to test the waters a bit. "Actually I'm heading to the Carousel Boutique to go pick up an outfit. After that I was going to go visit a friend of mine in town."

"A very good friend?" The stallion asked, his face betraying nothing.

"The best kind of friend!” I said emphatically, to which he gave a small, almost sad smile but said no more.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. In the distance across a small wood bridge stood the Carousel Boutique, a clothing shop that resembled its namesake back on Earth, done in the style of a rather ornate carousel from back home. A multi-story circular structure with a ground-floor business and the owner’s residence and workshop above, it was tastefully splashed with pastel colors of blue, purple and pink, offset by a yellow and orange striped spire topped by a purple star.

"Well stranger, I suppose this is where we part ways. Thank you for the company, and please take good care of your friend. Never let her forget how much she matters to you." The stallion was once again cheerful as he reached out with his hoof, and I returned the gesture with a polite bump from my fist. He bowed slightly and walked off in the direction of the next town.

I'll take good care of her alright.

*****

I walked inside the Carousel Boutique about fifteen minutes early from my scheduled appointment. Ponies, along with a couple of human women; were checking out the latest dress designs from Ponyville's preeminent fashionista, displayed on human and pony shaped mannequins.

A creme-colored earth pony with a striking aquamarine and white mane was behind, manned the old-fashioned cash register with ponies lined up five deep in line. Racks displayed everything from basic dresses and dress pants produced by magically powered sewing machines, to haute couture outfits hoof-made and studded with diamonds, rubies and sapphires.

The fashion designer of Carousel Boutique Fashions and Philanthropy, walked out from a side room along with a dark gray coated, white-maned stallion with an air of practiced snootiness. I checked and his cutie mark was a hand fan. Oh brother! He seemed rather happy with his purchase though and produced a bag of bits which he gave to Rarity. Catching her eye, she walked over to me.

"Ah, Mr. Eckhart, welcome to my shop! I'll see you in just a moment about your purchase; there are a couple of things I'd like to cover before we proceed." The lovely, white-coated unicorn with cascading purple mane trotted off to see to the needs of a couple more clients before returning to me. "Right this way, dear."

I followed her down a hall with two small rooms off to the side which ended with a staircase and went into the room on the left. Inside was my outfit, displayed on a mannequin, and on the floor was a crate — the contents of which were unknown to me.

I had been pretty embarrassed at the idea of parading about in a uniform worn by hunters, but looking at Rarity's creation I was rather impressed. I had envisioned a red coat like some Revolutionary War British soldier, but this one was all black with four buttons. The hunt cap and English riding field boots were also black, the breeches solid white. None of it was made of real leather, obviously, as one would not expect wearing the hide of another living being to go over well in a nation of herbivores.

"What do you think Stuntman?" she asked, addressing me by my call name since she knew we were now alone.

"It looks very nice! I'm really impressed you would be able to design something so specific to human culture, especially something so foreign as hunting!" I replied, genuinely impressed as I ran my hand over the perfectly-made costume.

Wonder what other kinds of oddly-specific research she’s done on humans?

The fashionista smiled proudly and bowed low. "Well, it is my job to keep up with the fashion of both worlds, and Gentleman for Mares is assigning me directly with orders for newer and more risque clothing options. Which brings us to the job at hoof." Rarity telekinetically picked up her measuring tape and began checking my measurements. Every once in a while she would scribble notes onto a pad all while keeping up the measuring tape moving; it was an impressive display of magical multitasking.

Satisfied with her handiwork, she set her instruments aside. "I'll only need a moment to alter your outfit to match your measurements. You seem to have kept your same shape pretty close since the last time you were measured. So, the bridle..."

Rarity turned to mystery crate and levitated its contents onto a small table nearby. Oh my!

"I assume you know how to use one of these?" She gestured towards the modified bridle without a hint of shame.

Do I ever! It's not often I get the chance I must admit; my client must be commendably freaky. The "bridle" is a special harness that resembles the one worn by horses to pull carriages back on Earth, but this one has two special latches; one attached to the headpiece, and one to the barrel used to secure a pony's tail into place to allow for... ease of entry, shall we say. The bit is also designed for safely biting down on hard. Really, really hard.

My face must have betrayed my surprise because Rarity broke into a fit of giggles. "Don't look so shocked dear; some mares enjoy a more forceful handling."

I gave her a knowing smile. I'm such an ass sometimes.

She gave me a mock admonishing look back. "Oh not me, of course. I expect nothing less than to be treated as a proper lady by my Gentleman. But you on the other hand... look like the kind of ruffian that prefers to take a mare by the reins," she said, floating me the whip that would complete my ensemble.

Credit Miss Rarity for not only managing to retaliate with a decent comeback, but wind me up something fierce while doing it. My boy Harry must have had his hands full with this one!

"Touché, Miss Rarity," I gave an exaggerated bow. "However, this barbarian could use a break before another night of pillaging and burning. Is that offer of a room and a shower still open to me?"

"Well, I shudder to think of the dreadful consequences of your expeditions” — she drew one hoof up to her face in grand dramatic fashion — “but yes. I'll have your alteration completed within an hour, in plenty of time for your… appointment. Let me show you to your room darling. One thing, though…” her eyes acquired an odd gleam.

“Uh... yes?” I caught her change of tone and wasn’t sure what it meant.

“Mind you return that whip as well. It’s one of mine!" She picked it up and cracked it an inch in front of my nose for emphasis, making me flinch back, a devilish gleam in her eyes.

“Y-yes ma’am!” I immediately agreed, trying not to look too hasty in my departure.

*****

Damn it feels good to sit down for a change.

I consider myself a man in great physical condition, but the constant walking does get old to me. The Manehatten streetcars take care of that problem when I'm at home, but the sprawling dirt roads of Ponyville can only be tackled the Earth Pony Way, one hoof in front on the other. I’d been on my feet half the day, and after changing into my new fox hunter outfit to see how everything fit, I was ready to take a load off for a bit.

I looked up at the clock on the wall. Seventeen-hundred hours which means four more hours to go. I suppose a quick nap and some dinner couldn't hurt…

That thought only lasted until I heard the flutter of wings outside the window and an all-too familiar voice speak. "Well, well. Look at who's crashed into Ponyville! At least you decided to wear a helmet this time, not that there's any brain left to save."

Uh oh.

Author's Note

The pegasi have arrived. Can Richard survive the remaining 4 hours until zero hour without doing anything crazy? Spoilers, no.

Flight of the Gentleman (Mature)

Have you ever wanted to fly and knew you would never be able to? Not fall through the sky or seal yourself inside of a flying aluminum can, but just open up your door and flip physics the bird before flying off. It's something I've wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I was a huge roller coaster enthusiast growing up; I imagined myself as Superman flying to the edge of the atmosphere and orbiting the earth. I even managed to lucid dream flying on several occasions; that always made my day!

As I grew older and realized reality wasn't nearly so awesome as the comics, I had to scale it back a bit. I have had the experience of flying on commercial aircraft as well as military transports from my days as an aircraft loadmaster in the Air Force. Sadly, I couldn't manage to convince the Air Force to let me parachute down with the cargo I was dropping or I might have actually enlisted for another four years!

Even outside of the USAF, I did have a lot of airborne fun back on Earth. I've been skydiving, hang gliding, bungee jumping and even tried parasailing once. None of this, however, could ever match the sheer exhilaration of pegasi flight. Once you've been strapped to a team of winged horses and flown over a major city, none of the other stuff will ever be good enough again.

Unless your boss sends you on a job that involves staying on the ground. Then you have to do it anyway and feel really guilty about it later. The sacrifices I make for my employer...

"The answer is no, Cloud Kicker. I'm on assignment and my handler grounded me. I have to be a good boy." I leaned back on the bed and sighed.

The purple-coated, yellow-maned pegasus stretched her wings and yawned, "The longer we argue, the less time we have to fly. I also have Blossomforth outside the door and I’m not afraid to use her!"

I bolted upright in my bed. "You brought Blossomforth along!?" Shit just got real.

“Well, well, well!” A magnificent, white pegasus with a festive cerise and green striped mane and bright blue eyes. She strode into the room like the friggin’ Queen of the Nile fixing me with a disapproving glare. “You come all the way out here to Ponyville and don’t even have a second to spare for your old friends? Richard, you disappoint us!”

Four against one. I'm outflanked, outgunned, and there's no hope for support. Remember me as a Gentleman who stood calm in the face of certain doom and faced his end with courage and dignity. "How did you know even know I was here?" I sputtered, stalling for time, breaking out in a nervous sweat. Okay, maybe not so calm, courageous, or dignified.

"We stopped by Sugarcube Corner after you left and Pinkie told us what happened back there. I knew it had to be you from her description, so I flew over the roads and saw you coming in here. I fetched the rest of the girls and we've got the building surrounded." She flashed me the equine equivalent of a shit-eating grin.

I ran to the window, threw open the curtain and was greeted by the grinning face of Cloudchaser hovering mid-air. She waved and gestured toward the human flight harness which would allow me to soar through the sky along with them. With that, I held up my hands in submission. "Okay, I give up, Cloud Kicker — on two conditions. First, please get me back here safely by twenty-hundred so I can go to work, and please let me change out of my costume so the authorities won't find me dead wearing hunting clothes."

Her grin got broader. "I accept the conditions of your surrender, Stuntman. Now get the hell out of that thing and meet us outside." With that, Cloud Kicker left out of the window to let me strip out of my clothes.

Blossomforth gave me a teasing look. “I suppose you’ll be wanting me to leave too?”

Two can play at that game, Miss Blossom. “Well I’d hate to give you second thoughts about your new herd and all...”

“Mmm, touché! I’ll see you outside handsome!” Blossomforth made a show of throwing her wings open, flagged her tail at me with a wink, and took off out of the same window as Cloud Kicker.

The uncomfortable tightness in my pants told me she had come off the victor in that little sparring contest. As I stripped I noticed Cloud Kicker watching from the outside. Does she think I don’t notice? Seeing no harm in it, I decided to put on a little show for her.

*****

Equipped with flight harnesses, goggles, and towing lines, the members of the Ponyville Weather Team greeted me at the front of the dress shop before escorting me to their takeoff point. I was wrong about there being four of them it seems, they'd brought along a fifth pony named Thunderlane: A dark gray coated stallion with a silver-blue mohawk. Really great guy and has probably tucked in as many mares as eighty-percent of us at Gentleman For Mares, and even more then some. He would tow the line for Flitter as a safety precaution, and I felt a little more at ease knowing he was there.

The four pegasi mares were a pretty eclectic bunch. Blossomforth was an ex-marefriend of mine. She was (and still is) the hottest pegasus who has ever lived. She can bend herself into nearly any configuration and loves to experiment with new positions. Hell if she ever decides to quit her day job, she could write the pony sutra on sex positions. We had to call it quits when she decided to enter a herd with Cloudchaser and Thunderlane. I took it pretty hard at the time, but we're on good terms now.

Cloud Kicker, on the other hoof, is a very single-minded pegasus. There are activities that involve sex — or banging as she likes to call it — and there is the void of mundane crap that gets forced in between for the sake of survival. I do this sort of thing for a living and she even scares me sometimes.

Then there were the twins: Cloudchaser, a purple-coated mare with blue and white striped mane and tail was quite a lot of fun to hang around. We'd had our little fun in the air already so she would help Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker carry me so that I would most likely not die in the event of an emergency that put one of the three out of commission.

Ahh Flitter: almost identical to her sister Cloudchaser in appearance and absolutely nothing like her in personality. While Cloudchaser embraced the Spartan image of the pegasi, Flitter found she preferred the calm and predictable life of living on the ground, as attested to by her cutie mark depicting three dragonflies. Now living among the farm folk of Ponyville, she's also gone native to the point that she’s picked up a bit of the local accent. She wears a pink bow in her light-green mane; a look that I’m told she's favored since she was a filly. She's shy and quiet, and was relegated to the role of third-wheel like most shy mares from an early age. Cloudchaser had been trying to get her to climb out of her shell for awhile to no avail, but the Mile-High Club finally seemed to be the thing to do it. She's been looking forward to a chance to have her turn with me.

I just wasn't expecting that we would be doing this right now!

*****

After double-checking and triple-checking our harnesses we began strapping each other in. A small, green hill near the Ponyville-Canterlot Trotway made for a great place to setup. We were close, but not too close to the Everfree Forest and could see anything trying to get us. It was also remote enough that we wouldn't get any disgusted looks from boring traditionalists who believe that sex should only be between two consenting adults on solid ground.

They don’t know what they’re missing.

"Everything looking good over there, Stuntman?" asked Thunderlane, strapping on his flight goggles.

I replied with an upturned thumb.

He nodded and grinned. "We've got enough low level cloud clutter set up today that we should avoid too much attention from the ground, but the only way to be sure we won't be seen would be to fly over the forest edge, and avoid the most direct flight paths between here and Canterlot." Thunderlane continued, his tone all business even as his eyes had a rather lascivious look. "It's up to you two."

I looked into Flitter's lilac eyes and ran my fingers through her forelock. "I'm here on business so rather not be seen in the air today. Can we do a low-level run over the forest?"

"Sure. Ah really don't trust this weak cloud cover either," Flitter replied her wings rustling with even greater urgency, "We better hurry up and get into the air before muh wings lock up!" she told me, her eyes already starting to glaze in anticipation.

"Don't chicken out on me sis!" Cloudchaser scolded adding a wink and a nod to acknowledge her shameless pun as the others laughed good-naturedly.

"It's just a little banging, you'll be fine," Cloud Kicker added with an impish grin.

"Very funny gals," Flitter muttered to herself, equal parts excited and nervous as the moment of truth and promised rapture approached.

"Flitter, are you alright for the take-off?" asked Thunderlane with a gentler tone, recognizing her need for reassurance. Have to say, I really like the guy. Not every stallion is okay with Gentlemen, let alone willing to help one bang the sister of one his herd mares, especially here in Ponyville.

"Yes,” Flitter replied a little shortly, her nerves starting to show.

"Alright, on five everypony!" Thunderlane called out.

Even before the count hit zero, the five began to beat their wings hard, knowing from past experience they would have to generate a ton of lift to get me the necessary distance off the ground to clear the tops of the trees. Thunderlane by far had the easiest job; he would fly over our heads and allow the line between himself and Flitter to slack. He would only be required to drag while Flitter and I were getting it on. The other three were there to keep our flight stable and our tow lines from crossing so we could have our fun safely. The goal, of course, is for one or both of the participants to climax. The rider on top is in "the cockpit" — a human flight term that had already made it into pegasi lexicon — so it was Flitter's turn to join the club.

*****

We were airborne in less than five seconds, clearing the hill and soaring off over the treetops. The sun glowed bright in the sky, suspended in the same place it had been since morning, awaiting to be cast away once more to be replaced by Luna's Moon within a few hours. Having reached our cruising altitude just over the low and scattered Everfree cloud base — it’s pretty much the only place in Equestria where you can see weather happen on its own — Flitter caught up with me and we wrapped each other up. "Welcome to The Club, Flitter," I whispered into her ear before nibbling and suckling the tip of it.

Her wings stiffened immediately. That was easy; I guess she was keyed up enough just being here. "Let me help you with that." I reached both of my hands under her wings and kneaded the sensitive flesh of her flight muscles — a enormous and often overlooked pegasi erogenous zone — while leaving a trail of kisses along her neck.

"Ahhh! Ah’m ready! Ah'm going to turn," She squeaked. Now came the fun part, as I signaled for a one-eighty shift.

Despite her stiff wings, and thanks in no small part to to the four ponies pulling us, Flitter executed the turn perfectly and positioned her moist, dripping slit within easy striking distance. I grabbed her lean, muscular flank and took a taste, making her cry out immediately, She moaned as I continued my ministrations, searching for her clit. I was trying to end things quickly, so I could get to really fun part.

Tracking it down, I licked greedily until I felt her climax coming on. Her legs began to shake uncontrollably and she came hard, screaming as the orgasm ripped through her, her wings clamping down hard on her sides and mine. Above and in front of me our comrades cheered as I got a mouthful that mostly wound up coating the front of my shirt. Farewell screaming Bronson Pinchot shirt, you died for a worthy cause.

I felt a twinge of guilt as I thought about the client I was going to be seeing in mere hours. I supposed I should be saving the best for her, but I could always use a booster later.

"Flitter!" I called out to her through the rushing wind as I felt her body go slack against me.

She responded with a giddy laugh, one of liberation and overcome fear. That’s my girl!

"Flitter, you want to try a midair refueling?" I asked hopefully, but she shook her head, looking dazed but happy.

"Just hold muh Stuntman..." she purred sweetly, apparently already into the afterglow and cuddle phase.

"Maybe another time, Ah just want you to hold muh." Her voice clearly indicated that she was done for the day — she’d overcome her fears, and broken out of her shell and comfort zone a bit, so I guess that was enough for the time being.

"No problem Flitter, you were awesome today!" I gave her a reassuring pat on the rump and signaled for another one-eighty shift and to head back to Ponyville airspace. We spent the better part of an hour in each other arms nuzzling and kissing each other between the occasional glancing at the sight of Ponyville sailing past us. Feeling comfortable that her wings would work again I freed her from her harness and let her fly off behind me.

She made a couple celebratory loops in the air before settling back into my arms. "Thank yeh for that Stuntman." She stole one last kiss before flying off to go do another victory lap. She's such a sweetheart. But for myself, I decided it was time to get down from here before the gods decided to smite me with another life-threatening injury… or even worse, another disapproving look and lecture from Ever Ring.

Author's Note

I have no idea whether or not the speed required to suspend a man and a cartoon pony midair would drown out speech between said man and pony. I wasn't paying attention in science class and I appreciate whatever suspension of disbelief you're able to grant me. Thank you for flying Pegasi Airlines and don't forget to turn off all cell phones before landing lest you doom us all.

The Scent of Prey (Mature)

The pegasi were true to their word and got me back safely to Rarity's in one piece and with enough time to shower up. Dressed the part for a night of fox hunting, I threw a jacket over my costume to make myself less conspicuous. Even at night, it’s best not to be too obvious, particularly when you’re a Gentleman trying to see a client in what amounts to hostile territory.

Typically these Gentleman For Mares affairs involve a date and some pleasant conversation. This was categorically not one of those affairs. My instructions were explicit: I was to show up between twenty-one hundred and twenty-two hundred hours and knock at the door. After identifying myself, she would then have the option to grant me entrance or turn me away. The latter does occur sometimes, but not very often. After drawing up such a list of demands it was doubtful my client would want to waste her money.

I made my way to her shop on the other end of town, travel bag containing the pony fun time harness and Rarity’s riding-whip in tow. There weren't very many ponies on the street, thankfully, and wearing mostly black made me less conspicuous. I did get a rather nasty look from a trio of earth ponies, a stallion and two mares, walking the other way as I neared my destination. They didn't say anything to me directly but began to speak quietly among themselves. I'd deal with whatever that was if it comes, but the first order of business was to not let them know which house I'm heading to and give my client any trouble. So I overshot my target and kept heading out to the edge of town until they disappeared from sight.

Doubling back and with fifteen minutes to spare before being 'late', I stood before the pastel-pink door of Roseluck's two-story wood and straw-built house and took a moment to get into the part. Having being trained from childhood to respect women, and not — well you know — drag them into my cave and having my way with them, I was understandably reluctant; overriding a lifetime of programming was not an easy task. I felt my face flush, and perspiration began to form on my forehead as my hand hovered inches from the solid wood frame. I checked the window and found there was a warm flickering light playing about the curtain coming from inside. Despite the inviting scene, I pictured myself walking through the gates of hell.

"God damn it, Richard, pull yourself together!" I imagined the sound of my old Military Training Instructor shouting. “You are going to get your ass in there and plow that pony ass until you've acquitted yourself as a Gentleman, you pus-nutted, no-load, dipshit asshole! Now get in there, and do your fucking job!"

I hung my head and began to breathe slowly and evenly, trying hard to bring myself under control. I'm just doing my job; I'm a Gentleman and this is my client. I just need to throw all that chivalry crap out the window for one night and do it. Steeling myself, I withdrew a vial of golden liquid from my bag and drank the contents, knowing it was likely going to be a long night.

*****

I knocked at the door. "Who... who is it?" said the uneasy voice on the other end, a voice that betrayed great excitement and anxiety in equal measure.

"It's Stuntman, may I come inside?" I cringed at the awkwardness of the situation as I struggled to bring myself into character.

I heard a small gasp and again I heard the mare's voice. "C-come in!" she managed, her voice audibly quavering. The moment at hand and hoof, I turned the knob and made my entrance...

The smell of musk and rose petals hit me immediately. The source of flickering light was now identifiable as candlelight from a dozen, old-fashioned wax candles which covered the living room table and illuminated the mare I'd been speaking to.

"You! You monster!" She proclaimed savagely even as she frantically pleasured herself, her eyes wide and glazed all at the same time.

The earth pony mare's yellow coat was clearly visible by the candlelight. Laid back in a dark, vinyl recliner she ravaged herself with her hoof. Her hot, dripping ecstasy falling to the petal-covered floor below. I made a show of unbuttoning my jacket and removing my shirt...

"Cornered at last my clever little pony! You won't be escaping fate by your own hoof I'm afraid..." I interrupted her handiwork taking her hoof in hand and licked it clean prompting a deep and stimulating moan. I looked into her big, green eyes and could now clearly make out the color of her mane, a solid streak of red flanked by streaks of pink. Her tail colors went the opposite way. The colors of roses, the scent of prey. The scene and smells were overwhelming and it was almost too much to take in.

I gave her my best war face baring my teeth in their full glory. She trembled in fear but her eyes flashed with defiance as she battled against it. I've seen the look so many times before I've lost count, but never in all of my life have I been so inspired by it. I gave her neck a long, wet lick and blew gently on it sending a chill down her spine. I planted kisses up the length of her beautiful neck and muzzle before plunging my tongue into her mouth into a sloppy kiss, her thick tongue viciously swiping at my pointy incisors, trying to feel their sharpness.

"You are a brave little pony, my dear Roseluck. I've looked forward to this day ever since I discovered you. I will give you the opportunity to flee and I will catch you again, and again, and again until you can go on no longer! I will watch you stagger through these woods until you fall. Then and only then will I grant you release!" I whispered into her ear.

"Murderer!" she gasped as I lifted her up from her seat.

Now standing bipedal on her recliner, she wrapped her hooves around my neck and I drew her into another kiss, this one much more controlled and sensual. I allowed both hands to roam freely down her svelte form, my index finger bisecting the coat of her exposed underbelly, my other hand exploring the shapely curves of her hips and rump. I teased her delicate flower still slick from her earlier fun until it began to weep anew. I'd take care of that in due time.

Breaking the kiss, I spun her facing away from me and placed her on the floor. This is why I lift weights every day, so I have the power to safely lift a one-hundred fifty pound pony, and save myself a back injury. "Run little pony!" I taunted playfully and gave her a taste of the whip, its tip cracking just an inch from her backside. She whinnied loudly and took off running into the next room leaving the sound of hoofbeats behind her. I looked around the room and found an unlit kerosene lantern which was probably how she lit her house normally. Quickly grabbing the harness from my travel bag and snuffing out the massive fire hazard she had going in her living room, I lit it up and gave pursuit.

*****

She wasn't difficult to find. A trail of musky scent and droplets of sweet nectar, led me to a room on the second floor filled with pictures of lilies. Throwing open the closet door, I scooped her up and put her on the bed facing the other way. She whimpered something that sounded like, "Lily's gonna kill me," whatever that means. I reached into my boot and pulled out a silk cloth to wrap around her tail. "Such a feral creature you are, my little pony! You clearly need to be broken!"

Turning my attention back to the harness, I carefully strapped her head and body in before latching the tail wrap at the top and bottom. Her marehood quivered, grasping for a member that wasn't there. I took notice of her cutie mark for the first time, a single red rose. "God, you're beautiful!" I let slip. I hoped she wouldn’t react negatively to my sudden break from character.

She moaned sweetly as she continued to spill out onto the bed. After lovingly licking the sweat from her dock, I made quick work of removing my remaining clothes. I glided the shaft of my manhood through the flow of nectar, "I could finish you now, but we're only getting started..."

I turned my attention to the round, puffy entrance beneath her tail and inserted the tip. Not every mare goes for anal — most don’t, in fact, but she’s specifically requested it here as well. She grunted and began to bite down, as I slowly drove myself into her deeper, the moaning and whimpering threatening to overwhelm me — the welcome heat and tightness adding to the intense stimulation. My legs began to turn to rubber and I felt I was close; quickening my pace, I felt the orgasm ripple all the way to my cuticles. She squealed as loud as she could with the bit in her mouth and came herself, covering my balls in her fragrance in hot, forceful spurts that ran down my front.

Reaching over her body, I took hold of the bridle attached to her muzzle and nipped at her ears. Not enough to hurt, but enough to let her know that it could if I wanted. "You're making good progress, but in your eyes you still resist me!"

She snorted loudly as if to confirm what I said and nickered defiantly.

"Shall we try it again little pony?" I said mischievously.

She nodded twice.

"Good girl." I teased her ears one final time before repositioning myself behind her. I took a moment to admire her rump, my hands gently caressing her hips. Though not a farmer, she was gifted with the strength and physique of the earth ponies and it showed with every curve. Her puckered entrance so recently entered, offered little resistance as I entered her again, slamming all the way in to the hilt. She squealed with even greater urgency than before as I hilted her with each thrust. Her whole body shook, and her legs struggled to maintain balance. Feeling her begin to give out, I grabbed her by the hips and continued to thrust myself inside of her with as much force as I could leverage — the wet slapping sound of my thrusting and her ever more heated moaning filling the room with an erotic song. After what could have been an hour or a day or a week for all I cared, she gave another muffled scream and I came inside her again.

I fell forward onto the bed and she toppled over next to me, her face a mask of euphoria as her barrel heaved from exertion, her coat gleaming with sweat. I worked as fast as I could to get the bridle off of her, but I wasn't my usual nimble self at the moment. Finally managing to extract the gear from her, I chucked it aside. "You are the finest prey I've ever hunted Roseluck, you have earned for yourself a place among the stars! I will give you the release you desire."

"Not if you can't catch me, demon!" She wobbled on her four unsteady legs and having steadied herself, shot me a wink and launched herself off the bed and out the door.

She didn't make it far; I tracked her to a closed door at the end of the hall. With the booster I drank pumping through me, I was ready for as many rounds as she had in her. I opened the door and saw her lying on her right side, her tail clutched in her forehooves. Her bed was decorated with rose petals; she'd clearly chosen this room to make her final stand.

"A-are you going to eat me now? Are you going to open me up and devour me piece by piece?" Roseluck continued to hold onto her tail for dear life.

I climbed into bed and took my place next to her. "If I did that Roseluck, then the hunt would end." I reached over and ran my fingers through her mane. I really didn't want it to end. I didn't want to play the game anymore, I just wanted her. "I will however give you the release I promised earlier." Her smile lit up the room. Taking her right forehoof in hand I kissed it. Lying supine, I invited her on top which she was only too happy to accept.

Positioning herself for cowgirl, I helped her line herself up, and for the second time that night I felt her wetness and heat overtake me. Unsure in her dominant position at first, she quickly adapted to her new found power as she slammed herself into me. Before too long I once again found myself on the brink. Tilting her forward, I pulled her into a wild kiss as I came inside her, the rush of cum sending her over the edge. From that point on we took turns on top and bottom, her seemingly insatiable lust finally subduing after four straight hours, and we drifted off to sleep.

*****

It was still dark when I awoke to Roseluck nuzzling and licking on my face. Seeing the sun hadn’t risen yet, that meant I still had time. "We’ve still got some time. Want another round, Rose?" I asked, the potion still lingering in my system, leaving me all primed and ready for another go.

"A tempting thought Stuntman, but it'll be light soon. I'm usually up around this time anyway to get my flowers prepared, so I was thinking I could make you breakfast."

Remembering how long ago Pinkie's pastries had been, I gladly accepted. We walked downstairs through the aftermath of the chase and back down to the kitchen.

Walking past the room with the lilies, Roseluck stopped and giggled into her hoof.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"That's my friend Lily's room you chased me into last night. She's going to freak out when she sees what we did to it! The smell will be in there forever!" My ravishing companion grinned evilly, rubbing her forehooves together.

Roseluck, you are one horrible pony. An irresistibly sexy, equine minion of darkness.

While she cooked the oatmeal and set the table, I got to work cleaning the living room. She told me she could take care of it, but knowing the level of hell she'd be facing when her friend Lily got home, I was feeling charitable. She told me not to worry about mopping, but I insisted on breaking out the mop and bucket and going to town.

Sitting at the table quietly eating our oatmeal Roseluck suddenly looked serious. We'd been laughing and joking for much of the morning, but she didn't even want to look at me now. "Stuntman... can I ask you something?"

"You already have, but you may ask me another question," I smartassed.

She punched me in the arm hard enough to make me wince. "Ow! Geez, sorry what was your question?"

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Her voice sank to a whisper, tears forming in her eyes.

"That's a fine question to ask after punching someone!" I rubbed my neglected arm for emphasis.

"I'm serious, Stuntman!" her face fell and her ears drooped.

I chewed on that for a second. "We're all a bit crazy I suppose, but you mean well. You do seem to have a real daredevil streak about you that's been held down for too long. Oh, and a pretty mean jab too."

"Some daredevil I am," she scoffed, "I paid for you to come here and scare me half to death." She hid her face in her hooves.

"Actually, I really admire what you did last night Rose,” I told her with a smile.

She snorted her skepticism into her hooves.

"No I'm serious! You did what a lot of folks go their whole lives avoiding: you stood up to yourself. I saw it in your eyes, Rose, saw how you were terrified but determined to see it through. Fear is a nemesis to be conquered, and you did it." I ran my fingers through her lovely mane.

She uncovered her face and looked me a look of relief spreading across her face. "You make getting rutted under the tail in your friend’s room sound so heroic," she said in a sardonic tone, to which I could only laugh.

Roseluck’s house was in good order by the time the sun rose once more over Ponyville. I knew Ever Ring was just over the horizon coming to spirit me away. Dressed for the trip back home, I withdrew a card from my pocket, signed my name and Gentleman ID number, and gave it to her. She was certainly worth a second visit if she wanted one, and a hefty discount! “If you want another good chase, just ask for Stuntman.”

“I think I’d like that.” Roseluck ran a hoof through her forelock absent-mindedly. “I guess this is goodbye for now. Maybe next time we could have a bite to eat before you... eat me.” She smiled bashfully.

I took her right forehoof in hand, and kissed it. “As you wish, my worthy prey..” I couldn’t resist going back into character for just a moment.

She blushed and giggled. “Goodbye, monster!”

“Farewell, little pony!” I put my helmet back on and gave her one last flash of teeth before stepping outside to Ever Ring’s chariot.

I’d never had an encounter so kinky in all of my life. Thinking back to my initial reluctance to set foot inside her house, and feeling like the creepiest man in all of Equestria; I couldn’t help but smile as I realized my own fears has been broken as surely as I’d broken hers. Stepping back into the chariot for the ride home, I couldn’t help but hope for another.

I love my job!

Author's Note

It's amazing how much better this chapter looks to me four months after writing it.

(Bonus chapter, not canon) Down to Earth

I gazed out the port-side window at the glittering blue waters of the Philippine Sea, lit by the light of the full moon as I felt the B777 bank one-hundred-thirty degrees to the right and drop to two-hundred and twenty nautical miles.

From my window I could see Neo-Equineox in the distance, lit up like a sprawling, massive yet new-age hippie military compound as whispered conversations between my fellow passengers erupted all throughout the cabin as not to wake the others. How anyone could be sleeping when they were about to travel to a different dimension was beyond me but there they were, about half the people on the plane sawing at logs.

Flying out from Ninoy Aquino Airport in Quezon City, we headed directly east out over the open ocean before banking southeast towards the island of Palau. Instead of finding more open water, which is quite abundant between here and the Marianas, we were headed towards the tiny open-air disco an industrious and highly-educated alicorn mage had created between our world and the land of the talking ponies.

I can’t make this shit up.

The center of the island is located at 14°57'24.4"N 132°36'12.0"E for those curious. Just don’t show up unannounced or U.S. Navy fleet sailors will be the least of your worries when the pegasi show up and stomp you. If you think I’m joking, try it like some pirates did.

I looked up at the hold containing my carry-on bag. I hadn’t known it at the time but it would be the sum total of all my worldly possessions in just a few short weeks. It started as a month-long vacation, having completed my second term in the United States Air Force. It was a lot of fun and I got to help some Kurdish folks out at Mt. Sinjar, Iraq who were besieged by some rather nasty people calling themselves Islamic State by air-dropping food and supplies. The Kurds come to the mountain in the belief it would offer them salvation from the war and my crew and I offered many of them that salvation. It wasn’t exactly worthy of a Hollywood movie with lots of drama and explosions, but it felt good all the same to lend those folks a hand.

If my twelve years of service got me any one thing, it was an appreciation for throwing myself out of a perfectly good aircraft strapped to a parachute, not being content to allow the crates I was dropping as the loadmaster aboard my supply plane to have all the fun. So when I heard that Equestria was going to allow a select few to visit the newly-discovered dimension I was perfectly happy to throw myself into a completely new world.

If I must be perfectly honest, the ponies themselves, the mares, in particular, had an allure about them. Was I attracted to them physically? Weirdly, yes. But more to the point, they lacked the jaded quality of humanity that yawns in the presence of the miraculous on a daily basis. I watched on TV as Celestia addressed the peoples of earth with overtures of peace with sincerity I as an American had never witnessed before. She also wasn’t wearing any pants or a dress or anything other than her royal ornamentation which didn’t leave much of anything to the imagination.

I left the room when it happened. My friend noticed my face is beet red while I’m sitting with my can of beer watching the TV, his laughter following me into the bathroom when he realizes what’s happened to me. It fucked with my head for awhile after that, seeing a creature with such a bestial appearance that way. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to live with myself until I answered the many questions I’d asked myself and met a pony face to face.

More and more people began to awake as the plane began its final approach. The airport was laid out like most, but what really jumped out at me was the greenspace, or rather, the pastel-greenspace. Within a mere ten years, the coral reef foundation of the island which rose out of the depths of the Philippine Sea was teeming with life — both Terran and Tellurian — unlike most atolls in the south Pacific. The jungle ferns and palm trees on the island glowed with a soft light that was discernible from a mile away even among the man and pony-made lights that dotted the airport below.

A burst of color flew past my window in the form of a winged pony, a pegasus, with a purple and pink-striped mane and tail wearing a utility-orange vest who proceeded to match our course and speed, her form illuminated by the light of the moon. I watched in awe at the sight of her mastery of flying, easily keeping pace with our craft now that it had its flaps deployed, and darting side to side as effortlessly as if she were the Mare of Steel, clearly showing off for the passengers. I gave a gentle “wow” as the rest of the cabin began to wake up as no one was able to contain their suspense anymore, gasping in awe and even cheering at our welcoming committee’s aerial antics. I knew then immediately which sub-species of pony I wanted to get to know first!

As our craft passed the shoreline and into the airspace of the island itself, the cabin shuddered vigorously, startling the last of the sleepyheads out of their slumber. The flight attendant had warned those of us who were awake at the time the air surrounding the island was denser than outside of it and to expect some turbulence but that didn’t stop me from checking the window to see if anything had fallen out of the jet engines after the jostle we’d taken.

With a final wave goodbye to the passengers, the pegasus mare outside my window broke off her escort, taking a hard left turn and off into the night as I felt the landing gear deploy below me. We were very close now. I could make out the hangars, terminals, and other airport buildings, interspersed with the oddly pastel-colored and well-manicured lime-green turf adjacent the runway which itself had taken on the glossy pastel tone of the rest of the environment. I hadn’t yet crossed the portal to visit my new home and yet I was struck by the uncomfortable yet exciting sensation of being in a whole new world.

Which, in fact, I was. The portal’s effects extended out well past the boundaries of the singularity itself as I’d later learn, meaning the very land on which I’d stood was created by the magic of the pony’s dimension lifting an ancient reef from the depths of the ocean, transforming everything from the sky above to the water below.

And as it turned out we were also subject to Equestrian law once we set foot on dry land, in more ways than one. What I mean to say is a team of pegasi was dispatched from the ground to attack a cloud which had strayed beyond the invisible barrier between dimensions and transformed into a Tellurian cloud which was swiftly punched down into nothing by the dispatch team as they launched themselves into it.

I blinked unbelieving at the sight, caught up in the sheer weirdness of seeing a cloud’s physical destruction. It wouldn’t even be the strangest thing I’d see that night as a five-foot-long red and green lizard snoozing on a patch of tarmac was removed by a unicorn stallion’s aura and hoisted back over the eight-feet high chain-link fence separating the airfield from the rest of the island, which lacked the usual razor-wire topping common to other military airfields. The unicorn himself, far from impressed by the sight, grumbled something about those darned fire lizards and, to put it in his words, ‘useless UN security fencing’.

Even out in the middle of the ocean on an island that shouldn’t even exist, we couldn’t even provide a secure perimeter. I couldn’t blame the guy for being a bit pissed about it. If he’d been a marine sentry, the poor lizard wouldn’t have fared so well and I couldn’t help but wonder what a pony holding a firearm would look like. Probably pretty ridiculous. But then again, given their strength, magic, and weather control, they didn’t need them.

Travel bag in hand, I passed into the most normal-looking place on the island yet, a terminal building, one of only three on the island. There were lit-up signs in several different languages indicating who goes where with most of them blacked out as we were going through at night. Only English, Spanish, and Tagalog were available and so I took my place in the appropriate line where we presented our passports to a well-dressed lady in formal attire who directed us towards a tunnel at one end of the building where a rather stern-looking mare with a similar taste in fashion, except she was wearing a snazzy pair of aviator sunglasses. Our group began to mutter restlessly among ourselves as we walked past the darkened booths where other attendants and security personnel would normally be during the day.

Coughing slightly into her hoof to silence our uneasy group, the mare spoke. “Beyond this tunnel lies Equestria. Anything you do inside against our stated laws will affect not only your stay, but your very standing in the eyes of our government. As of right now, you can consider yourself warned that any trouble you might bring with you or cause will result in your expulsion from our realm and possible diplomatic consequences for your nation of origin. To that end we expect the lot of you to be on your best behavior; to represent your nation with honor or face the consequences of your actions up to and including arrest, incarceration, and expulsion from Equestria.” The mare spoke clearly but with a slight Nottingham accent, quite different from the unicorn outside. “Do you understand me?”

She got a chorus of ‘yes ma’ams’ in response along with a few ‘sirs’ who quickly changed their answer having realized they’d fucked up the gender recognition test.

The mare whinnied softly and gave her tail an irritable jerk. “Well… that was a better job than the last group that came through. Just remember to look at our muzzles if you’re not sure. Stallions have larger, more squared-off muzzles. Our mares have smaller, rounder muzzles.” The mare removed her aviators with a quick flip of her forearm that made me swear she’d had a hand tucked away inside that hoof of hers and pointed near the back of the line with a tut-tutting smirk. “Though some of you shouldn’t be learning about this at the gate!”

“Beggin’ yehr pahden, miss. It won’t happen again,” a voice came back as I turned to face the familiarly-accented English of a true blue, dinky-dyed, fair-dinkum Ozzie. The sandy-haired fellow in the bush hat turned to his mates, having apologized to the mare, smiling playfully.

The mare secured her sunglasses in a small bag attached to her flank and looked pulled out a large steel marble which she squeezed between her hoof with her paw-like frogs eliciting surprised gasps and the odd ‘whoa!’ from the assembled throng. “And why, might I ask, have you three gone through the considerable effort of procuring permission from our government to visit when you know so little about us?”

Still smiling, the man who spoke earlier responded. “I’ve come seeking asylum from war-torn Sydney to escape the ravages of the Emu invasion.” His two friends chuckled softly as they turned to avoid the mare’s gaze. Myself, and a few of the others who’ve dealt with the Australians before laughed politely, noting the pony’s dismissive hoof wave.

The mare kept her expression neutral. “A real tragedy, I’m sure. And you other two?”

“I heard the pegasi enjoy prawns and frothies so I figure they’re natural allies in the Pacific,” the tall, thin, dark-haired friend spoke up. “As for Billy here, well he’s looking for a sheila!”

“Ah am naht! Yeh’re full of piss, mate!” The shorter, slightly overweight lad gave the dark-haired fellow a friendly push as the men around his age laughed good-naturedly at his expense. Some of the women laughed politely but looked somewhat uneasy. Some appeared outright upset but said nothing as the pony mare laughed along with the men.

Still smiling, the pony at that tunnel lifted her hoof for silence. “If that truly is why you’re here, young man, just remember to treat my sisters with the respect you would treat your own. And if you don’t…” she flexed her forehoof in a movement physically impossible for any Terran horse, “... remember that any one of us can lay you out flat with a single punch or worse than that if you force our hooves. So treat her right!”

“Bloody oath!” a guardstallion unicorn chimed in as he appeared in the doorway, causing the entire group to turn and look at him. He was adorned with red plate armor with gold trim and carried a long steel pike on his back. “Equestria is ready to receive you now, humans. You would do well to heed her advice. You should also be aware by now that travel through the portal is not a pleasant experience and anything you’re keeping in your bags that’s fragile stands a good chance of breaking. This is your last chance to back out. If you choose not to go, a flight will come to return you back to Ninoy Aquino within a few hours.”

No one backed out. I couldn’t help but be immensely proud of humanity at that moment.

We fortunate few were led into a triangular room at the center of the airfield, our eyes drawn to the portal singularity glowed a murky, purple color at the center of the room. The portal itself rested on a shallow, crystal platform which shined a prismatic light of its opaque surface. The archway itself was similarly fashioned out of a large, crystal ring bore a runic inscription that went all the way around its face.

I noted the actions of each person passing through the portal, each telling a story about the people themselves. Some walked through stiffly, their luggage fixed to their arms by a short leash which made me scratch my head when I first saw it. I dubbed them the Professionals. These folks clearly worked with the international and interdimensional bodies responsible for travel between worlds. They looked straight on with a single-minded purpose as if moving across dimensions was little more than taking the elevator up to the 14th floor and consisted of humans and ponies alike.

Then there were the reluctant travelers which made up the bulk of the eighty or so people present, family of people already there. They carried the most luggage, bringing the comforts of the Old World to their kinsmen in Equestria. None of them were older than fifty or younger than thirteen as per the rules of who could and could not travel, restricting the elderly and those in poor health who might not survive the passage between realms, as well as other inescapable cultural differences between humans and ponies like the ponies’ habit of not wearing pants. For this reason and the occasional monster attacks, it was agreed on both sides to impose a PG-13 restriction of the entirety of Equestria despite their denizens’ peaceful nature.

Then you had the good-ol’-boys like the trio of Australians from earlier who had the money and connections to have a lark traveling to the New World to simply enjoy themselves for a bit of fun and perhaps a war story or two for the folks back home. In the case of the U.S. Marines, such a war story was literal, having stumbled across an actual war. But these guys only wanted fun and perhaps a bit of sex. We ponies and humans didn’t know much about each other in those early days, but the imbalance between males and females in Equestria was well-known even back then and it made the prospect of finding a mate a favorable one for many guys here on Earth, though few ever admitted it openly. The good-ol’-boys made it a show of passing through the rift as colorfully as possible and had to be gently persuaded to kindly move their ass so the next group wouldn’t be held up. I felt bad for the guards but surely they knew this sort of thing was coming.

Then there were the Mandarin Outcasts; the international bourgeoisie. All of them were men in their twenties, mostly White, East Asian and Indian with some mixed ethnicities represented as well. They were dressed finely, possessing the money to make the one-way trip in pursuit of jobs and seeking to start a new life — or flee an old life — on the other side of the portal building the new techno-magical future of modern Equestria. They stood out the entire way with their eyes tilted down towards the ground, not seeking attention or accolades despite their economic status. A fair number of them would go on to great success as white-collar workers, while others would fall by the wayside as jobs filled up before they could be accommodated.

Many returned home later on, dejected. But others became legends among men, gaining fame and infamy alike as the escorts to lonely mares: Gentleman. Nearly all of the original Gentleman were drawn from this class of people.

I guess you could call me a good-ol-boy outcast who never knew anything other than travel growing up in a military family.

As the crowd in front of me thinned out completely, the last guy having credibly moonwalked his way through the portal, the guard to my right muttered something to me. “Watch that first step!” he’d said just as I’d passed the shimmering blackness. I hadn’t had much time to think about his words until I ended up sprawled out on the grass on the other side in Equestria.

I also learned why the Professionals leashed their suitcases.

*****The Current Year™*****

The air inside my Manehatten apartment filled with the aroma of falling rain and the sound of passing trolley cars as I delicately nibbled the rims of my Handler’s ear who moaned her approval.

“Come on, Richie! You know you don’t have to go all out for your boss.” The lovely, brown-furred pegasus looked up at me from her back as I ran my fingers through her two-toned green on green mane. “You really should save it for the customers.” She cooed again as I gave the tip of her ear a gentle bite.

“You don’t believe that any more than I do, Petri.” I smiled as I looked into her watery-blue eyes, my own eyes playing over the two white streaks of fur that circled her muzzle. Two more circles went around her large pony eyes which sparkled with emotion from the streetlights filtering in through the open window to my bedroom. Petri, or Petrichor, named after her love of the smell of falling rain, had been my handler from the start of my career with Gentleman For Mares after Five Stars introduced the two of us upon my completion of Gentleman training.

Petrichor breathed in the warm, wet air, shuddering slightly before letting out a gentle whinnying sigh as I massaged her flight muscles, her wings rapidly stiffening as I worked my digits between the secondary feathers of her wings which slowly unfolded from her sides until they were completely rigid. She looked up at me with unfocused eyes and a big, goofy grin. “You know what I love about you, Richard? You genuinely appear to love every single mare you’ve ever slept with and that’s not an easy thing to do.”

“Loving mares is the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do.” I pressed my belly up against her, thrusting my manhood between the narrow valley between her teats as she gave an excited giggle, anticipating the main event.

“Easier than falling off the back of a pegasus and breaking your hip?” Petri poked her tongue at me, as she rocked back and forth on her back, tickling my turgid member with the short hairs of her soft fur coat.

I knew she was going to say something about it; the reason we were both here. I’d taken some time off work and nearly killed myself falling off the back of one of the Wonderbolts aerial performers, a pegasus by the name of Fleetfoot during a Mile-High Clubbing event where pegasi have sex while flying as a display of prowess. Pegasus wings stiffen from arousal and so the ability to be able to fly during sex is a rare ability that earns one bragging rights and accolades from your peers. I've done it before as a human by utilizing good old-fashioned ropes and harnesses to stay in the air and never had a problem. That is until the incident. For weeks, I’d wondered if I was going to be able to continue doing my job. I’d been lucky and we both knew it. And now I was going to have sex for the first time since the accident to prove I was fully healed.

In response to her teasing, I tilted my head and pressed my lips up against the side of her muzzle, kissing her deeply. Our kiss lingered as I felt all the anxiety and shame built up over the last three weeks drain away. I’d fucked up, but I was still in the game, doing what God put me on Equestria to do. I stroked her neck as our tongues dueled fiercely. The night-cooled air began to cling to my body as I felt myself begin to sweat from the heat of my horny companion and the rain in the air.

I withdrew slowly from the kiss, letting myself take in her glorious equine form and reminding myself, if it were even necessary, of why I do what I do. She looked back at me hungrily with expectation as I pressed myself up against her entrance, popping the tip inside. Her heat was intense, having a much higher body temperature than humans. I smiled at her, showing teeth since I knew her preferences well and that she wouldn’t be afraid of the predatory gesture. Though we made it a point to avoid sleeping with each other very often given our professional relationship, we’d both had a pretty casual attitude about sex at the time and agreed to remain as friends and partners. It was something the ponies as a general rule were remarkably adept at doing.

“I expect your best, Richard. Don’t let the company down!” Petrichor nickered as she felt a trickle of her arousal roll down her inner thigh.

“I’ll do my best, ma’am!” I replied as businesslike as I could manage with my husky voice as I plunged the rest of the way inside, her inner walls gripping me like a molten vice as I tempered my shaft within her erotic crucible. Belly to belly, she hung her hind limbs off of my shoulders as I continued to thrust myself inside of her as she whimpered as quietly as she could manage. Outside the scheduled storm picked up as rumbles of thunder boomed overhead, shaking the glass on the windows and rattling the cleaned dishes I’d left out to try near the sink. I smiled at her wickedly, expressing my innermost thoughts that she was welcome to moan as loudly as she’d like.

Smiling and giving me a wink in return it was clear she’d taken the hint.

The bedroom was filled with the sounds of rain, thunder and the ecstatic love cries of my partner and friend, all combining to remind myself that life was good. I could have finished within her, but elected to withdraw and make out with her instead to preserve my seed. Partially because I was putting myself to the test to make sure I still had enough self-control to give my clients the satisfaction so many mares craved that stallions could not give them, but also because she just meant a lot to me and does still to this day. I wanted to make her time with me special and she was one of the more difficult challenges I’d ever encountered, requiring a huge amount of attention and effort to bring to climax.

I felt her finally begin to brew up after over an hour of hard but satisfying work, and I hastened to catch up with her. With one final push over the edge, I hilted myself inside of her, our climax matching the ferocity of the storm outside as we came together, in equal parts pleasure and relief in my particular case! Laying on my side and holding her close, I kissed her on the muzzle and enjoyed a moment of silence in her company as we looked into each other’s eyes. Outside the storm slowly fizzled out over the course of an hour before only the whooshing of the wind through the open windows could be heard.

Petri nuzzled my chest, breathing in my human musk, which many mares have confessed is a very pleasant smell to them. “Richard, that was absolutely wonderful! I declare you fit for duty, sir!”

“Awesome!” I punched at the air above me before rolling Petri on top of me like a big, furry blanket to warm my chilly body as the temperature outside had dropped like a stone after the storm had passed. “I guess this means no more bumming around for me. Good to hear. I must have the most boring place ever to try and entertain guests with.”

“Oh, don’t you go beating yourself down over that! You’re responsible with your money. You should give yourself more credit.” Petri folded her wings back across her sides as she tossed her mane from her eyes, stepping out of bed and reaching for something inside her saddlebag sitting on my dresser. ‘Mares love a stallion that’s good with the home finances, you know.”

I chuckled as I imagined myself wearing an apron and baking cookies, which wasn’t too far off from the mare’s ideal stallion. “That’s one way of bragging about being poor!” I stood up and latched the window inside my room shut and grabbing my ‘wife beater’ shirt off the dresser. “Speaking of money, are there any jobs waiting for me in the pipeline?”

The pegasus withdrew a bottle of mane and tail shampoo out of her saddlebag with her teeth and set it on the floor. “As a matter of fact, Richard, there are. And I think you’ll find this one particularly… eh… interesting!” Diving back into her bag she withdrew a folder with a stack of papers inside of it. Placing it on the bed, she removed them and hooved them over to me.

“Oh, wow. Ponyville! Never had a request out of there before…” My eyes swept across the typewritten pages as I sat on the side of my bed. There was a photo of the client attached as well, and man was she a looker! Bright red and pink hues adorned her spiky mane and her coat was a soft, cozy-looking beige. Her cutie-mark of a rose — visible on her state ID which she presented to the receptionist back at headquarters — suited her to a T. I frowned slightly when I noticed she didn’t have wings. “Not a pegasus?”

“Nope!” She replied cheerfully. “While we’re eager to see you head back to work, corporate is a bit nervous about giving you another pegasus so soon after your accident. We would hate for you to suffer a relapse and have something even worse happen to you.”

I threw my hands in the air. “You can’t be serious…”

“I am serious, Richard!” Petri tapped the pages with her hoof I’d set down next to her. “You get a lot of pegasus clients asking you to do some rather dangerous stunts. Don’t forget I’m the girl that’s setting these jobs up for you!” She waggled her hoof sternly at me.

I had to admit to myself that she had a point. I couldn’t really escape my reputation. Even my Gentleman call sign was “Stuntman”.

“So, because of your injury, we’ve decided to keep you grounded for awhile. Celestia knows you’re too valuable to me to let go after what’s happened but I’m worried about you, Richie.” Petri bowed her head and ears, sensing my disappointment. “I know this is a pain, but just prove to me this incident has taught you a thing or two about putting yourself at risk and stay on the ground for a few months.”

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “What the hell am I supposed to do about my regulars?”

“They’ll be reassigned,” my boss replied with finality. “And we’re placing restrictions on what risks a Gentleman may assume while they remain employed with Gentleman For Mares both on and off the clock. This madness is going to kill one of you guys if it’s allowed to continue!” She placed a placating hoof on my shoulder when she saw my expression drop. “Please don’t be upset, Richie. You’ll be allowed to take pegasi clients again eventually and you know I’m not going to let you do without while you work for me. I’m going to get you those clients no matter what it takes!”

I looked up at Petrichor and nodded, smiling. “I understand, Petri. Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Is that not what friends do?” She threw a leg across my back and gave me a tight hug.

I returned the hug, tossed her mane and returned to the folder, holding my good friend and boss tightly with my free arm. “Wait… what? She wants me to wear a costume?”

“Got to the good part, I see,” Petri replied, her voice was tinged with laughter.

“Holy friggin’ crap!” I exclaimed, setting the papers onto my lap in a daze as my pegasus friend burst into peals of laughter. “She wants me to ‘hunt her down like a predator and put a bridle on her’!” I said, quoting the details I had read, a trace of disbelief in my tone. My face began to burn as I picked the papers back up and read on. “Whoa, I’ve never really done this kinda kinky stuff before! There’s seriously a mare asking for this? And she’s in the backwater heartland of Equestria? Are you sure this isn’t a joke?”

“Ehhhnope!” Petrichor was smiling so broadly her flat, equine teeth were visible. “But don’t ignore that payout! That’s one hay of a tidy sum for a job. And of course we’re going to pay for all your travel expenses, so you have that to look forward to when you’re done. When I say I’m going to take care of you, Richard, I mean it.”

I ran my fingers across my scalp, exhaling deeply. “I appreciate everything you do, Petri. It’s just that… this looks… well, kinda rapey.”

“Oh, Richard!” the boss gave me a look of absolute condescending pity. “Richard, if she’s asking for it, it’s not like that! By definition, she’s consenting if she’s paying for it! Now I can’t make you take this job, but I wanted to remind you of just what this mare is likely going through…”

“Oh, go on…” I grumbled, knowing full well I wasn’t rightly going to decline after three weeks out of work and a nearly empty icebox in the kitchen.

“This poor gal has been torturing herself for weeks, maybe even years thinking about how big of a freak she is and feeling down on herself!” Petri’s large, pony eyes shimmered with emotion, taking a sledgehammer to any possible defense I might muster. “She’s telling herself she’ll never be normal because of these feelings she has. You are the best option she’s got for exploring this aspect of herself without losing face in her small town and being ridiculed for her feelings. She needs you, Richard. I need you to need her too.”

I groaned, falling back against the sheets and cursing my luck. “Fine. I’ll… do it. For my favorite boss ever.” I pointed up at her from the bed as she broke into a wide smile. “But this is a favor. I mean that!”

“You are such a good man, Richard!” Petrichor returned to her bags and withdrew the rest of the items she’d need for a shower. “I can make part of it up to you right now. Care to give me a hand in there? I could stand to freshen up after what you did to me tonight.”

I felt the little general between my legs stirring, calling me into action once more. “You got it, Boss Mare!” Helping to collect her soap, I followed her into the bathroom, deciding another test run for my hip wouldn’t be a bad idea. Can’t be too safe when it comes to my health, after all...

Author's Note

This is the chapter I wrote for the aborted 2018 TSoP reboot. I republished it for the sake of history. I won't be doing any new chapters.