Dungeons and Dragons: Ponyville

by fuck mcdickbutt

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Adventure, Dark, Comedy
Length: 6454

It is the year 1334, and eternal darkness threatens to engulf the land in death and despair.

As a dragon attack threatens to destroy Ponyville, Dr. Hooves sends a brave party of ponies back in time in order to prevent this calamity from ever happening. But will they be able to save Ponyville without preventing themselves from ever being born? Amidst a cruel world, our ponies must battle an ancient evil, and prevent the destruction of everything they have ever loved. But, as they desperately wage a battle against the forces of evil, a twist of fate forces them to decide between sacrificing a friend, or starting a war.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-26 23:37:50 UTC

Prologue: New Beginnings

Knowledge is soon changed, and then lost in the mists of time, an echo, half-heard.

-Dr Hooves, Mists of Time

The ponies sat, huddled in the library, waiting for the storm outside to pass.

"Where's Rainbow Dash?" Twilight Sparkle asked, worry creeping into her voice. As the clock ticked, the ponies got more and more nervous for their missing friend.

"Well, ah hope we weren't caught, that dang Rainbow Dash is never discreet!" Applejack muttered.

A blue blur sped into the room, shaking snow from her rainbow-coloured mane.

"I'm RIGHT here!" Rainbow Dash yelled, clutching a bag full of a strange plant.

"Ooh, what is that?" Pinkie Pie asked, her eyes widening. "Is it for lunch?"

The group began to laugh at Pinkie Pie's naivety. "Well, sorta," Applejack explained, "It's a type of salad, a VERY tasty salad."

Fluttershy looked around uncomfortably, slowly edging to the door, "I'd love to stay," she quietly piped up, "but I have to go check on Angel." She turned and walked to the door.

Rainbow Dash leapt up and grabbed Fluttershy, dragging her back to the group, "Oh no, you're going to stay right here!" She held her down as Applejack grabbed the bag, pulling out the plant.

"Mmm, y'all got some good marejuana this time!" She pulled out a lighter and rolled the plant into a small tube of paper. "Here," she said, "Put this in your mouth and light it."

"Uh, OK." Said Fluttershy, nervously taking the lighter. As the flame burst into life, a massive explosion wracked the libary, as a great wing smashed through the roof. A second explosion boomed as massive talons burst through the wall, sending debris and books flying.

As Rainbow Dash flew across the room to help an unconscious and bleeding Twilight, the room was engulfed in flames, "HOLY SHI-" she cried as the flame sent her smashing into the wall.

The noise was deafening, but amidst the confusion and chaos, the ponies eventually made their escape through a gaping hole in the wall. As the ponies got outside, they looked around to see their town being demolished by a massive horde of dragons.

For once, Pinkie Pie was speechless, watching the fire destroy everything. Rainbow Dash was frantic, tears flying from her eyes as she looked for survivors. "SPIKE!" she cried as she saw the purple dragon reeling from the shock. But, as she flew over, she saw something was wrong. Spike was covered in a thick gold liquid, pouring out from a gash in his throat.

"Spike, oh god, no!!" She flew to him but she was too late, as he toppled over, a pool of glistering golden blood seeped from his lifeless corpse. She leaned over his body, tears spilling from her eyes. She looked up at the carnage and chaos, her rage building. Her breath quickened, and she let out a primal scream, instinctive fury wracking her body.

She took to the air, flying headlong at the first dragon she saw. Her fury lent her speed, and she smashed into it, sending it toppling into a building and beating it with her cloven hooves. The small green dragon plunged into the ground, plowing one of Applejack's field more effectively than a thousand ponies, snapping trees like twigs in their wake of destruction. Rainbow Dash had surprise on her side, but the dragon was not easily deterred. it swatted her away like a fly, and slowly rose to it's haunches in preparation of flight, but as it leapt from the earth, Rainbow grabbed its tail in her teeth and threw it to the ground. She leapt on it, and bashed it with her rage-fueled strength, until there was nothing left besides bone fragments and golden mush, painting the snow around her.

She flew back into town, dodging between the many dragons' claws, the broken bodies of dead ponies littering the ground. As she flew over town, she saw her friends running with a small band of survivors, dodging and weaving. She saw Big Mac stumble, and a pursuing dragon took advantage, engulfing him in a blast of flame. AJ, screamed and tried go after him, but Fluttershy pulled her back. As the group fled, dragons picking off stragglers as they fell, she noticed Dr. Whooves running alongside, the dragons oddly ignoring him. As she watched, she felt a peculiar sensation deep in her stomach, a tugging on her intestines. As she pondered this, she saw her surroundings change, the scenery fluctuating around the Dr. "What's going on?" she wondered. Then, everything faded into darkness.

Twilight slowly recovered, fading in and out of consciousness. She saw that she was on a stretcher, being frantically pulled by a strong pony. "Wha-" she muttered, until the memories came crashing back, she leaned forward, and stared at the burning wreck that was once her home.

The pony carrying her, tripped and fell, flipping her up and over. She landed on her feet and started sprinting towards her friends. She saw a dragon diving for the fallen pony, so she tried to use her magic to help, but her horn just sparked and went out. "NO!!" She cried, as the pony was helplessly grabbed by a giant black dragon, and torn in half, his blood spattering the small band.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dr. Whooves, already being followed by a seemingly entranced Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Rarity, and Fluttershy. As she watched she felt a nauseating sense in her abdomen, and her vision blurred. "Not again," She thought as the world grew dark.

Chapter 1: Into the Past

"Holy shit..."

They were in a clearing in the woods. A big one. Under normal circumstances, this would have been a peaceful area for Twilight to relax and study her spells. But in this time, it was  a bloodbath. As it turned out, Dr. Whooves had captured a dragon in the aura that brought them to the past. Not like the one Rainbow had taken down, though. this one was huge, at least 3 times larger, and had scales that seemed to shimmer between red, orange, and yellow. As the battle raged on, and Twilight regained conciousness, she saw that the flowers that were once rainbow colored were now stained with the fresh, wet, golden blood of the great dragon above them. She saw Rarity fall down next to her, her mane marred and bloodied, covered with multiple scratches. As twilight tried to stand, she realized that she could barely stand, much less fight a dragon. The dragon in question was flying through the air, gracefully swooping and diving, like a giant killer acrobat from hell. It grappled with the ponies, vying for control, but it was getting weaker and weaker. Soon, it realized the ponies would win. Finally, it succumbed to the inevitable, and smashed down, profusely bleeding from countless wounds. The ponies watched, their mouths agape at the majestic beast shriveling and dying before their eyes. As the great dragon breathed its last, Twilight and Fluttershy turned and were sick on the grass. After a brief respite, the ponies began to question the Dr. about what happened.

"Well girls, that dragon attack was not by accident," he said, "as it turns out, that was being planned for hundreds of years by an ancient evil long since thought to be vanquished. As soon as I realized what was happening, I decided to take you, seeing as you've proven yourselves capable in the past, (I mean future, or is it past,) but, it seems we've picked up some stragglers." He turned and looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Derpy, both of whom had accidentally came to the past with them. "Well," said the Dr., "It seems we'll need to get you all outfitted for the upcoming fight."

"What do you mean, 'upcoming fight'?" Said Twilight, "We never agreed to help." As she said that, The Doc. turned and stared at her with a look that said, "I'm afraid you already have," and walked off.

After a brief spell of walking through a dark forest, all but the Dr. jumping at the slightest noise, constantly hearing the moaning of countless unknown horrors, the ponies arrived a small town, which the Dr. explained as the predecessor of Ponyville. He led them to a field covered in dummies and targets.

"Now what are we doin' here?" Asked Applejack, suspiciously looking around.

Dr. Whooves just laughed and said, "This is our training field. Here, I will test your abilities and give you a weapon suiting your prowess." He looked around to see blank faces staring at him, with the exception of Pinkie Pie, who was running around and frolicking through the field, oblivious to everything. He sighed and rubbed his temple with his hoof. "In simpler terms, I'm going to give you all a weapon."

"SWEET!" Said Rainbow, soaring into the sky, "That's totally epic!!!" The Dr. coughed to get her attention.

"Anyway, it's time we began, Twilight, why don't you start."

"But, what do I do? I can't handle a sword." She shifted awkwardly from hoof to hoof, looking embarrassed and nervous.

"But are you not magical, I had thought you at least were incredibly powerful," he shrugged, "ah well, I guess if you're too scared-" As he said that, Twilight's eyes flashed with anger and her horn glowed brightly, sending axes, knives, swords, and spears flying towards the doctor. He didn't flinch, and the assorted weapons simply crashed to the ground. He looked at her as if to say, "See?"

When that ordeal was over, Rainbow flew up and said, "My turn now, prepare to be amazed." She picked up a small dagger in her teeth, and zoomed around the field, hacking and stabbing the dummies, weaving around the blades of imaginary foes. As she landed, out of breath and covered in straw, she asked, "Well, how'd I do?"

"Well, seeing as you have a wonderful ability as a show-off, and you handle hat blade pretty well, I think we now have a rogue on our hands." Said the doctor, a smirk playing about on his face. "Hmm, we'll need to get you some special armour to allow for maneuverability. So, who's next?" When no one volunteered, he decided to give Fluttershy a go.

She slowly crept onto the field, cheers from her friends encouraging her. After a while of nothing, the doctor told her that the test was over, and she started to cry. Suddenly, a great gryphon came flying out of nowhere and stood over her, like a mother protecting her young, glaring and hissing at the doctor, who simply smiled and said, "Fluttershy, I do believe  you could make a smashing druid." She looked up at the stunned faces of her friends, and quietly told the gryphon to go, smugly walking back towards the little band, who erupted into peals of laughter.

A few hours later, as the sun began to set, illuminating the world in an eerie light, as the fireflies began to light, and dark, unseen things watched from the trees, the band, tired and drained of all energy, was led to a local inn, where they supped on a delicious stew, and slaked their thirst on sweet mead. After Rainbow got sufficiently soused and passed out, they decided to retire for the evening and return to the field tomorrow. But as they walked to their rooms, they never noticed a bright red pair of eyes gleaming from the shadows, watching.

Applejack awoke on a small, lumpy cot, slightly hungover from the drink the previous night, they rays from the sun illuminating individual dust motes. After stretching and a light breakfast of oats and brackish water, she trotted over to the field to see most of the band already there, being outfitted with arms and armour, the Doctor telling them that he'd found an easy quest for them to partake upon. "Ah," he said upon seeing Applejack, "Here's our fighter now! I picked up some things for you, but just one question, do you prefer swords, axes..." She yawned and blindly answered the questions thrown at her. Eventually he asked her to put on a suit of light, airy armour that seemed to allow complete ease of motion, and, seeing her puzzled expression, explained that it was made from a strong metal alloy called mithril, and tied a studded leather sword belt to her waist, within easy reach of her teeth. As she looked around, she heard the Doctor muttering to himself, checking a list of names and vocations.

"Twilight shall be a Mage, Fluttershy a Druid, AJ our brave Fighter," at this he turned an gave her a rougish wink, "Rainbow- Rogue, Rarity- Cleric, Pinkie- Bard, the C.M.C should be Thieves, hmm, they'll have to be careful, and Derpy- Uh, unknown. Well, looks like we got ourselves a right smashing party."

At the mention of the word, "party," Pinkie Pie flew into a stupor, shouting, "Party, ooh, ooh, ooh, I love parties, Hey, Rainbow, do you like parties? Yay! Parties! Party, party, party!!" And went on like that for an hour or so before the group could calm her down.

After calming Pinkie down. the Doctor grouped them into a somber circle and prepared to explain the quest. "So, this quest I found should be fairly easy. It involves an outbreak of large wolves that have been plaguing the neighboring township of Cjorn. I cannot go with you, but I hope you all excel, and that nopony dies!" On that hardly cheerful note, he bid  the group goodbye, and sent them on their way down a long and dusty road toward the city of Cjorn.

As the band walked along the road, they were oblivious to the dark mist forming in the treeline, until a gigantic white wolf appeared on the path in font of them. "Uh oh." said Pinkie Pie, as the band readied for combat.

The wolf lunged at Applejack, nearly ripping off her foreleg before Rainbow Dash barreled into its side, plunging her short-sword deep into the monster's flank. It howled in rage and attempted to swing her off, exposing its weak underbelly, Applejack used this opportunity to slice open the monster's stomach, her blade pulling out its entrails as she hacked at it. Finally it died, keeling over into a ditch nearby. The group stood around, shocked at what had just transpired. "Well, that was fun." Said Twilight, "I mean, it was either us or it right? *Whew* I think we should start moving, it's not safe." So AJ and rainbow cleaned their blades and continued on their path, while a black form in the mist silently fumed at their small victory. They continued along, marveling at the beauty of the forest, birds chirping in the cool night, and as Twilight looked up she gasped, she had never seen so many stars before! She realized all of the light pollution must have covered some stars. They continued along, each of them marveling at a different thing. They were astonished

at the beauty of the primitive forest, watching with wide eyes at the thousands of new and different things.

As dawn began to touch the horizon, they found themselves exiting the forest, the road leading them toward a cluster of houses. "That must be the outskirts of town!" Rarity said, "Now I can find a bath to wash off all this dirt!" they walked forward and entered the city limits. They decided to go find the mayor, after asking some local farmers what to do for some work.

They found him at the local pub, a small, cozy place with an inn above it. They asked around and found him talking to a group of vagabonds. "So, we heard you had a problem with some wolves lately." Twilight said, sauntering towards him. He looked at the group of young ponies and laughed, "HA! You fools think you could help? That's cute, but it's too dangerous, why don't you go run along and play, hmm?" He instantly regretted that decision as Twilight's horn began to glow, and AJ walked up to him with her sword drawn.

"Listen up, pal, we don't play, we had planned on killing the wolves, but we wouldn't mind taking care of y'all first. So, what's it gonna be, do we have to kill the wolves and you, or just the wolves?"

After AJ's outburst, the mayor sat huddled in the corner apologizing for what he had done and telling them that they could do whatever they wanted. "Good, we thought so."

As the party left the bar, they decided to think up a plan of action. They eventually, (after much debate and arguing,) decided to lie in wait, until the wolves came, then ambush them one by one.

Night fell, and the group prepared for the ensuing fight. They hid in the treeline, hiding in the lower branches of a tall oak. They first heard the howling, a low, evil noise that raised the fur on the back of their necks. Rainbow was the first to spot one. It was blacker than the night, easily ten feet tall, twice as tall as the white wolf from earlier, rippling with muscle and sinew. It's teeth were gleaming pearls of death, as large as AJ's sword, and sharp enough to cut through armour like butter. It's eyes were stark white, with red irises and dark, soulless pupils. Her breath caught in her throat with a low gasp. The lead one stopped and perked it's ears up, listening. It didn't notice her. The plan might have worked if not for Pinkie's scream. The black wolves turned and, realizing that they were in the treetops, lunged, scrabbling at the bark with their massive claws. The girls tried to climb higher, but Sweetie Belle slipped and fell. The wolves turned on her and her gut-wrenching screams were cut short as the wolves dug in. They tore her apart, sending blood and bits of flesh flailing in all directions. The ponies could bear it no longer, and with a ferocious battle cry that rent the heavens, they drew their weapons and charged, smashing into the wolves like a herd of buffalo. A raging battle ensued, the clash of sword on claw and tooth rent the air, and fireballs from Twilight's horn lit the scene like a strobe light. The wolves put up a ferocious fight but were grossly outnumbered, and one by one, the wolves fell. As the last wolf died of a sword in it's throat, the first rays of dawn illuminated the battle scene. The ponies crowded around the largest piece of Sweetie Belle, her severed head, and buried her, erecting a small tombstone in her honor.

Chapter 2: Mourning Coffee

Rarity was destroyed. After the loss of her sister, she had lapsed into a deep depression, nearly committing suicide in the process. However, pinkie endevaured to cheer her up, but after about an hour, she finally broke.

"BY THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!"

Pinkie, who had gone as far as to inflate the wolves' bladders, gave up.

"So what if our mission was a total bust?! It's not like anypony heard about it, right?" Twilight, looking suspicious, said,

"I want to know exactly who told the MAYOR about this. This will be very bad for our reputation. If we are gonna survive as mercenaries, like the Doctor said, people need to hear about how good we are. Maybe minus Derpy."

At this, she looked at the blue-gray, cockeyed Pegasus, and wondered how he possibly got this far. He should've died a long time ago. " You know, I don't think that the Doctor is telling us everything. He never even told us why we are really here." "Yeah" Piped up Pinkie Pie. "Everything happened so fast. Why aren't any of us freaking out?" There was a long, awkward silence, a silence that seemed really, really loud. Twilight stared at the floor, wondering this herself.  Then a voice came out of nowhere. "Because, you have no choice. There's no way we're going back anytime soon, so what's the point of regretting our past?" It was Fluttershy.

They began to each pay the proper respects to Sweetie Belle. Most of the speeches were just mumbled words any crying, and Fluttershy's was just the latter. Rainbow Dash ended up trying to give an immpassioned speech, but she fell into shambles when she mentioned Sweetie's name.

"A great pony, she was. Sweetie Belle was.... OH WHO AM I KIDDING!?"

Twilight helped her off the makeshift podium, a boulder. Rarity, the deceased's only relative, did the final honor by throwing on the final hoofful of dirt. Applejack gave a half-decent speech, though.

"Applejack?' Said Twilight.

"Yeah?"

"You're just reciting the Gettysburg Address."

"The WHAT?

All in all, it was a great funeral, fit for nine ponies.

They began the long trek back into town, with almost no provisions or entertainment.

"There once was a shrew, who had a big.... moo, and cooked a big... stew, and fuc-"

"That's enough, Pinkie."

The trip was uneventful, if not awakening. The Everfree Forest, in it's earlier years, seemed untainted, unladen with burden. Then Twilight realized that this was because the forest was younger, and wizards like Zecora were not tainting it with their foul Magicks. Also, you know, deforestation and global warming and stuff.

"This place is just so... alive! I feel the life forces of thousands of little critters just swarming around!"

This voice came from Fluttershy, a sweet, lulling, calming voice that tended to counteract the effect of the forest around them. But only for a moment.

"EEEEEEW! Thats DISGUSTING!" Said Rarity, in her characteristic self.

"What's disgusting about it? I can just feel the LIFE of this place? Its fucking AMAZING!

At this, the entire group, even Derpy, spun around on their heels and looked. None of them had ever heard Fluttershy cuss before, not even a measly "darn it".

"By Celestia." Said Twilight. "This forest's life energy is really getting to you. We should go faster."

They picked up the pace, trotting down the trail, covered in pine-needles, when Twilight noticed a familiar blue weed growing in the trail.

"STOP!" She yelled, alerting the group, taking them out of the forest's seductive hold. "This is poison joke."

"Oh," Said Pinkie. "I remember that. That was the day we met Zecora."

"Yep" Said Twilight. "Let's just avoid it."

No one noticed Fluttershy, still in the high-like effects of the forest, take a sniff.

And no one noticed a certain gray pegasus collecting the plant in a jar, either.

About half an hour later, the group called a break.

"Celestia, my hooves hurt like I've just gotten horseshoes!" Said Rarity.

"Well, no one said that this would be easy." Said Twi. "Derpy, do me a favor and hand me a map."

He did so.

"Derpy?"

"Yuuuh?"

"This is a book. Intro to Spelling and Pronunciation..."

"Well, this may come as a surprise to you, but I've always been... kinda slow. I dropped out of school in the third grade. This must be such a shock to you!" Said Derpy.

"Umm... yeah. Surprise. Bombshell. Total doozie of a MMMMTPH"

Pinkie Pie was cut off as Rainbow stuck a hoof in her mouth. They all felt a twinge of pity, as the blue-grey pegasus was now laying on the ground staring at her book, swinging her back legs in the air, like a three-year-old, smiling like a child.

"Derpy?" Said Twilight.

"Yuuuh?

"What is that?

She was pointing at an assortment of jars that were spilling out of Derpy's backpack. The backpack was a child's, with D.H. crudely sown on the back.

"Thoses? Those are my jars of plants. Don't any of you know what I do for a living?

"Oooooh! Oooooh! Oh! I do!"

"Yes, Pinkie?" Said Twilight.

"She's an Apotheosis!"

"A what"

"She means apocethary." Said Derpy, her eyes almost aligning for a split second. "I make potions. You know, bubbly stuff. Like my cutie mark." She gestured to her flank, where, indeed, her cutie mark was a bunch of bubbles.

"I never got much business. The lazy eye tends to disturb ponies."

Derpy then began to mix some of the components into a small jar. All of the ponies backed away, assuming defensive stances, assuming derpy would somehow fuck it up like she always did.

"TAKE COVER!" Yelled Pinkie.

Nothing happened, and each pony breathed a sigh of relief.

"This is something I call "Mourning Coffee". It will help you get over your sister, Rarity.

"Thank you."

She put the potion to her lips, and drank, tasting the sweet remedy.

"Derpy..." Said Twilight. "I think I know what you are!"

"What?" Said Derpy, a suspicous glint in her eye.

"An alchemist."

As all the ponies looked away, and started back to Cjorn, nobody noticed a tear fall from Derpy's eye.

Chapter 3: If it Ain't Broke...

The effects of the Mourning Coffee began to take hold as soon as Rarity drank it. She felt a strange buzzing in the back of her neck, and it soon spread through her entire body.

"I'M A'READY TO GO! LETS GO! C'MON!" Screamed Rarity.

"Umm...

"LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The team had eventually given up trying to keep up with Rarity, and simply just restrained her. Between the Mourning Coffee and the effects of the Forest, she was completely wasted. As they held her down and tried to subdue her, they began to drag her back to town.

After Rarity had calmed down enough to remember that her sister was now gone, it was a somber group that headed down the long and dusty road. As they walked, Rarity sobbing silently into Applejack's shoulder, Scootaloo and Applebloom being comforted by a wet-eyed Twilight, Rainbow walked ahead, contemplating the danger they were in. "This is it," she thought, "this is real, we might... die." Her thought process continued in this way, growing continuously darker with each passing step. It seemed only Derpy was oblivious to the effects that Sweetie's death had brought upon the small band. She padded along behind them, a notebook clutched in her teeth, poring over it, her lazy eye staring off into space.

A few hours later, as the sun set over the horizon, illuminating the distant skyline of Cjorn, they decided to camp and recuperate. The ponies settled down, each in different tents, with Twilight on guard. Soon after midnight, after all the ponies had fallen asleep, she started to nod off, the events of the past couple of days finally catching up to her, when a wicked chuckle woke her from her slumber. "Who-who's there?" She asked, worry clawing it's way up her tingling spine.

"You cannot win Twilight, you know that now, don't you..." Said the voice, chilling her to the bone. "You, your friends, your blasted Dr. and, of course Ponyville will fall. You cannot win, those wolves were just the beginning, soon you will be battling against our true minions, and you shall all DIE!!!!!"

"Where are you, bitch!" Twilight cried, sinking to the ground, her tears spilling onto the cold forest floor.

"What's wrong?!?!" Applejack cried, bursting out of her tent, sword drawn, armour half on. The rest of the ponies jumped out of heir ten anticipating another attack, but we

re shocked when all they saw was a sobbing Twilight Sparkle.

"N-nothing, I'm just stressed out." Twilight said, sheepishly grinning at Applejack, who shook her head, sheathed her sword and went back to bed, telling the others that they should leave Twilight alone.

Dawn slowly crept into the world, brightening the night and chasing away Twilight's fears from her shift the night before. The group decided that they should report to the mayor, collecting their reward and re-quipping themselves with better arms and armour. They trotted back to town, amidst the cheers of the townsfolk, for word of their heroic deeds had reached the commonsfolk, and they were quickly taken to the mayor, who congratulated them on a job well done.

"Congratulations ponies! I doubt those wolves will be plaguing us now, eh? I have but one question for you, what happened to that small unicorn filly, is she at the inn?"

He instantly regretted his choice of words as the group recalled that which they had so desperately tried to forget. Twilight sighed and stepped forward,seeing as nopony was going to answer, and said, "She was, well, killed by the wolves."

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I know there's no way to replace her, but will you accept not only my sincere condolences, but a statue, to keep her memory alive? Yes, that's what we'll do, don't worry, she will not have died in vain!" The ponies thanked him, and despite his best efforts, walked away in tears.

Upon their return to the residential district, they noticed the sun going down. "Whew, it's certainly been a long day," Fluttershy said, "I think we should go to bed, if you guys have the time, I mean."

"I think Fluttrshy's right." Twilight said, "It's time we hit the hay."

Rainbow looked around at the bar they were in, and said, "I think I'm gonna stay up a bit longer, alright?"

"Y'know, I need to go out and get some stuff for mah sword, after all the hooplah over the past few days, it's gettin' kinda' dull." Applejack said. The rest of the group nodded and crawled up the stairs to their room. Applejack left, and Rainbow sat down at the counter, "Barkeep," she called, "give me your strongest drink." A male unicorn walked up to her, glasses and rags whirling about his head.

"Alright, lady, but are you sure you can handle it?"

"Just give me that GODDAMN DRINK!"

As midnight approached, Rainbow Dash added another glass to the already impressive wall surrounding her, cutting her off from the rest of the world, growing faster than the bartender could cut it back. Suddenly, a drunk stallion, his mane ragged and his breath smelling of cheap whiskey, stumbled towards her and clumsily put his arm around her shoulder. "Hey, babe *hic* what'sh goin' on?" He said, his intoxication slurring his speech to near intelligibility. "Why don't you *hic* and me *hic* head up to my room and shtart foolin' around *hic*?" Rainbow turned and, giving him a filthy look, pushed him. He toppled over, and landed on his back, screaming, "You BITCH!" He grabbed a barstool in his teeth and swung it at her, catching her in the head, snapping into splinters and throwing her to the floor, surrounded by shattered glasses and wooden splinters. She slowly got up, and, grabbing a mug with her teeth, smashed it into his face, lacerating his lip and left cheek, blood spilling onto the floor. Suddenly, the remaining patrons leapt to their feet, half siding with the bloody drunken pony, and half with Rainbow. A fierce fight broke out, with both sides using everything in arms reach, including other ponies. Rainbow, in her drunken stupor, was a whirling mass of violence, thrashing everything within reach, dodging and weaving, pummeling ponies into submission.

After Applejack had left, she mindlessly meandered about town, looking into shops and buying things she didn't actually need, making sure to save enough for a whetstone and armour repairs. Eventually, after buying almost too much for her to carry, her shopping advent drew to a close, and she walked back to the inn, her mouth filled with a shopping bag containing all sorts of useless junk. As she approached the door, she heard a commotion, shouts and grunts, the tinkle of breaking glass and the crack of splintering wood. "Dear God," she thought rubbing her temple with a hoof, "What has rainbow done now?" She walked to the door and braced herself what what she was about to see. She opened the door and had to duck as a tankard flew out of nowhere, knocking off her hat and throwing it into the mud. Her mouth opened and the bag she was holding fell to the ground. Her eyes narrowed until they were slits, her teeth bared and a feral growl escaped from her lips. She saw Rainbow in the middle of the room, surrounded and outnumbered by a group of bloodied stags, the unconscious bodies of ponies littered the floor, one even hanging off the chandelier. As she watched, she saw rainbow get tackled, and the stallions jumped on her, pounding her with their hooves, spraying blood everywhere. "GET THE FUCK OFFA MAH FRIEND!!!!!!!" Applejack cried, stacking glasses and using her powerful back legs to send them flying, smashing into ponies and cutting them open. The ponies looked up and charged her, but her kicks sped up, mowing them down like a medieval D-Day.

As the bodies got up off of  Rainbow Dash, she saw Applejack stack up tankards, sending them at her attackers. She laughed and grabbed a half-full (or half-empty) bottle of ale by the neck and broke it on somepony's back. She dropped it and wove a path of blood and destruction back to her friend, whom she thanked, both ponies gasping for breath. The stags re-grouped and prepared for another assault. Applejack and Rainbow stood back to back, muscles tensed as they waited for the coming onslaught. The male ponies charged, broken glasses, bottles, and stools held in their teeth as shanks. Applejack saw their intent was to kill, and she drew her gleaming sword, sharpened so that a look could cut you. She brandished it at the ponies, and heard Dash draw her own short-sword, ready for anything. The two friends counter-charged, slashing and hacking, making sure not to cause enough damage to kill, but enough for a warning. As the time dragged on, seconds seeming like hours to the two, ragged, out-of-breath ponies who battled on, ignoring the odds and giving their all, there were but two enemy ponies left, the first pony that started all of this, his cutie mark, a bloody hoof, shimmering with sweat, the broken leg of a barstool clenched in his teeth, sharp splinters aimed a Rainbow, hatred in his right eye, a bloody shard of glass in his left, and a scrawny, weak unicorn, a bottle of alcohol for a cutie mark, a broken one held in his teeth. The rest lay draped around the demolished tavern, heaped upon the floor in a bloody mess. The two girls realized that these ponies wouldn't stop until they, or their quarry were lying dead upon the floor.

Dash circled the first pony, visible hatred emanating from her person, knowing that she must kill or be killed. The wounded stallion lunged, gouging a ragged cut in her side, blood pumping from the wound. she whirled at attempted to gut him, but he dodged, staying back, knowing that she was faster, adrenaline sobering his thoughts. He feinted, faking going for her face but aiming for her stomach, she anticipated the move and deftly blocked it, jumping into the air and whirling, knocking his shiv away, she landed behind him and held her blade to his throat, muttering, "Surrender or die."

He laughed and said, "Then die." and flipped her over, surprising her. She fell on her back, with his hoof pressing on her throat, constricting the airway, her blade lying just out of reach. She was gasping or air, and her vision started to go fuzzy, until she stopped writhing and twitching and succumbed to the darkness.

While this was going on, Applejack was fighting the other one, it should have been an easy fight but his magic kept her from getting near enough to kill him. He kept dodging backwards, sending magic blasts flying at her, destroying tables as she nimbly dodged them, but she was beginning to tire, and knew her fatigue would be her downfall. But what he didn't realize was the he was backing up again the wall, and as soon as his flank hit the wooden planks, Applejack lunged, her sword aimed at his chest. As the sword pierced his breast, emitting a wet, squishy noise as the blade seared through flesh and muscle, eventually piercing his heart, and with a soft moan, he sank dead upon the floor. She ripped the blade from his flesh, metal scraping against bone, and turned to see Rainbow Dash twitch a few times then lie still, the wounded ponies hoof on her neck, a twisted grin etched across his face. Her vision clouded with red and she charged, plunging her sword deep into his jugular, then tearing outward, a six-and-a-half-foot jet of blood pumping out of his throat, he fell to the floor and rolled around, clutching at his severed neck. She turned and looked down at her presumed-dead friend. A single tear carved it's way through the blood and mire covering her face and landed on Rainbow's. "Wh-why," she croaked, her eyes opening fractionally, "Why what, Sugar-cube?" Applejack said in a soothing voice. "Why did you help me, I had him right where I wanted him!"

Applejack's eyes widened as she saw Rainbow jump to her feet. "Rainbow, you're alive!" She exclaimed, peals of joyous laughter flew from her jaw. "Of course I'm alive," Rainbow said, shaking her head at her friend, "Don't tell me you fell for it too?" She smiled and stated to giggle, then fell on the floor, rolling in blood and merriment with her best friend.

After a few minutes of laughing so hard their sides split and tears fell from their eyes, they got up, panting, tying not to look at each other, knowing if they did, they'd start laughing again. "*Whew*," Applejack gasped, her breath misting in the cool night air, "I think we should get t bed, we don't wanna be her when the feds arrive." Rainbow looked around at the sorry state the bar was in: broken glass and stools were everywhere, littering the floor, beneath the unconscious bodies of the plethora of ponies knocked out by the fight. Blood was smeared all over the walls and floor, some even dripping from the ceiling. The door was completely broken, and most of the windows were smashed, ponies lying amidst the broken panes. The two dead ponies were lying in the middle, blood still seeping from their lifeless corpses. The girls picked their way through this assorted lot, wearily dragged themselves up the stairs, (making sure to leave a hefty tip on the counter,) crawled into their warm beds, an promptly fell asleep, their snores echoing around their rooms.