The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Nightmare Moon, Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 414637

Think about it like Death Battle, only with less death and more hyperactive dialogue. It all started with a fateful encounter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. It turned into something bigger.

Every once in a while there is one character that defies all explanation and baffles the minds of geniuses the world over. Today, two such characters will be thrown into the field and all will find out who will win.

---

And remember... this is what I came up with without the hidden stash. Just goes to show you that you don't need to be high to produce something regrettable.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro Studio.
Death Battle belongs to Screw Attack.
Other properties belong to their respective owners.
Rated Teen for mentions of weapons and use of the word h-e-double-hockey-stick.

Edit:
February 6, 2013: Remember back in last April when I thought this was going to be a one-shot?
Neither do I.

July 16, 2013: I hope I haven't made a terrible mistake by allowing fan fic suggestions for combatants. It'll take me forever to read through all of those works for potential abilities used. In other words, updating will happen at a pace that makes a snail appear to be performing a Sonic Rainboom. Oh well. It is what it is.

March 24, 2015: Spoilers are imminent when diving into this at any given point.

June 9, 2015: I may not respond to every comment, but I will read them. The same applies to any suggestions made in comments or PMs.
-Corollary (October 11, 2015): Multiple comments from the exact same user saying the exact same match up will not make the suggested battle happen any sooner. In fact, it may just deter me from even considering writing it at all. Please do not spam the comment section. Thank you.

Published 2012-04-18 21:04:04 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-16 16:15:41 UTC

Moon, Shine Down!

A/N: I was going to make this a one-shot, but I changed my mind. *Sunglasses* Deal with it.

Properties belong to the owners of MLP:FiM, Death Battle, Kingdom Hearts (Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix respectively).

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (2)

---Death Battle---

The Death Battle intro theme plays as our hosts prepare to present another match up for our lovely audience. How we didn't get fired for not ending in a death last time is beyond m-... what's that? We're starting? Oh, sorry.

B is enthusiastic, "Eat your heart out, werewolves, because we found some guys that love to hog the moon light more than you do."

W adds, "Like Nightmare Moon, the Mare in the Moon."

"And Saix, the Luna Diviner. He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

Some expertly drawn art of the first combatant shows itself after the title card while W iterates.

"Nightmare Moon is the embodiment of jealousy and hatred fused with Princess Luna, the Night Princess of Equestria."

B interjects, "Wait, wait, wait... that's a pony for little girls to play with? Since when are ponies allowed to look bad*ss?"

W continues as if he didn't hear, "After being imprisoned in the moon for one thousand years by Princess Celestia and the Elements of Harmony, Nightmare Moon swore vengeance and vowed to bring about eternal night."

"Without a sun's energy, a planet would eventually die," B realizes, "Man, slow and painful death is kind of dark for a kid's show."

A stat screen appears describing Nightmare Moon as W's exposition carries on.

"Being fused with Princess Luna, Nightmare has access to all of her alicorn powers including flight, strength, and magic. Her most common magic is lightning."

"The Mare in the Moon can transform herself into a living shadow which can somehow split solid rock, deform trees, create shadow clones, form black tornadoes, and... cut mustaches? Really?" B asks in disbelief. One can only assume his eye brow was raised since he's never on screen.

At this point a clip shows Steven Magnet the sea serpent saying, "What a world! What a world!"

W takes the pause as another chance to talk, "She also wears a midnight blue breastplate and helmet which not only block physical blows to those regions but also block out words of reason. However, heroic monologue can give her pause."

A clip shows about 10 seconds of Twilight Sparkle's speech about the Elements of Harmony with Nightmare Moon literally standing stock still.

B then inserts an out of place question, "When did Maleficent become a pony?"

Nightmare Moon laughs in the last clip of her, "The night... will last... FOREVER! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a blue-haired man wearing a black overcoat with unnecessary zippers.

With that visual W takes the lead again, "Saix is number 7 of Organization XIII, and is known in Japan as the 'Demon Dancing in the Moon'."

B tries a pun, "Heh, the man in the moon sure gets a lot of party guests."

W strategically ignores him, "Saix is a creature known as a Nobody, an empty shell left behind when a strong-willed heart is lost to the Darkness. He still has his memories as Isa before losing his heart, yet his real emotions are now out of reach."

"So... he's an emo."

"He wears the black coat of the Organization, which protects him from being absorbed by Darkness when traveling through the Dark Corridors between worlds."

"Yep. He's an emo."

A detailed image of Saix's weapon appears onscreen.

"Saix wields a claymore, a Scottish variant of the late medieval two-handed longsword. Yet, his seems to more resemble a war hammer given it's wider attack range and power. He can draw more power by calling on energy from moon light. By doing so, he enters 'Berserk' mode which allows him to ignore pain and release blue pillars of flame to destroy his enemies."

"An emo in need of anger management."

"Although he commands lesser Nobodies and gives orders to other members of the Organization, Saix is still willing to take orders from the leader, Xemnas."

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

"What?"

"That name. That anagram. M-A-N-S-E... Ha ha ha ha ha...!" B can't contain himself.

"Oh..." W shakes his head at B's immaturity.

A clip of Saix fills up the moment of silence with, "Different name, same fate."

---Death Battle---

W says his usual phrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Let's have a Death Battle!" B shouts.

---Death Battle---

The stage this time is one that closely resembles one of the empty halls of The Castle That Never Was. A shadow reforms into the alicorn Nightmare Moon before a Corridor of Darkness appears to reveal Saix, claymore already in hand. It seems neither is willing to make a witty opening statement.

The red message appears, "FIGHT!" and then disappears.

Saix gets ready to gather energy from the moon light shining through the glass ceiling. As he does so he asks, "Do you feel it? The moon's power!" He starts levitating as he shouts, "Moon, shine down!" He lets out a humane roar before striking the ground rapidly, which shakes the ground and forms tall walls of blue flame. His assault doesn't seem to be working since Nightmare Moon is flying just out of the flames' range.

Taking advantage of his poor aim, Nightmare Moon fires several lightning bolts at Saix. They don't seem to be having much of an effect on Saix's health or his rage attacks. Barely dodging one of his swings, Nightmare Moon tries for a melee approach by transforming into a dark look-alike to Saix's claymore before bashing him with clockwise motions. This has more of a result as Saix vocally and physically flinches with each hit. His 'Berserk' mode is broken as he falls to the ground stunned. Nightmare Moon morphs back into her alicorn form.

"I misjudged you," Saix mutters.

"Foal! The moon's power belongs to me!" Nightmare Moon shouts as her dark mist of a mane swirls around herself. She transforms and splits into three Pegasi that look kind of like the Wonderbolts, only darker and sinister. With these clones she flies past Saix for multiple quick strikes. Saix manages to use his claymore to knock one of them away only to have the other two hit him again.

"I will leave you with nothing!" he shouts as his claymore knocks a second clone to the ground.

"We shall see about that," the third clone remarks as it pulls in the other two clones. They change back into a single living shadow before it resumes Nightmare's default form. As the minutes have passed, Saix gains enough power to restore his 'Berserk' mode.

"Moon, shine down!" he yells.

"I don't think so!" she retorts as she gallops in close while delivering a lightning-charged horn attack just as Saix slams his claymore down. A bright bluish-white light fills the screen obscuring the vision of the viewers.

The light clears.

The screen reveals a worn out Princess Luna, free from the Nightmare and Saix slowly evaporating.

"Kingdom Hearts, why won't you give me my heart?" he stares at the valentine-shaped moon in the sky before he collapses and disappears completely.

Princess Luna wakes up slightly dazed, "What? Where art we?"

A red message, "K.O.!" appears before the title card shows up.

---Death Battle---

"Dang," says B, "Some Keyblade wielder's going to be pretty steamed when he finds out a pony did his job better than him."

"I don't know B," differs W, "Saix was able to wear Nightmare to the point where she couldn't hold her host anymore."

Stat screens appear to explain why the result is what it is.

"His fire pillars did force her into the defensive," W continues, "But ultimately, Nightmare's shape-shifting and strategy left Saix without a backup plan. And unlike Saix who was a body without emotions, Nightmare is an emotion without a body, meaning there's no telling when she'll be back."

"Looks like Saix is ax," B tries an anagram... unsuccessfully, "Get it?"

"The winner is Nightmare Moon," declares W.

---Death Battle---

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Leave a comment below."

"And don't forget to like. Thanks for watching."

A/N: Now I'm positive I'm out of ideas for this kind of thing. Thank you all for liking the first chapter so much. Don't sue me because I literally gain no profit from this. (I regret writing a terrible sequel chapter.)

Chaos Theory

A/N: WARNING: this chapter is slightly influenced by my personal bias. If you don't want to see a fan-favorite die, I suggest skipping this chapter entirely. On that note, remember the three r's: read, relax, and review.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (3)

---Death Battle---

Are we really doing another one of these? I thought the director said he was out of ideas last time. Oh, well.

B dramatically screams, "AAAAH! Zombies!"

W confirms, "Well, yeah. It kind of is. This Death Battle will be bringing two challengers from under tombstones."

"Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form."

"And Discord, the master of Chaos and Disharmony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

As the title card splits, we get a mug-shot of the black anthro hedgehog.

W reintroduces, "We briefly covered Shadow's facts in his match against Vegeta but there's plenty more to discuss. Created in Space Colony A.R.K. by Dr. Gerald Robotnik, Shadow the Hedgehog has taken the title of Ultimate Life Form."

B adds, "He's your typical anti-hero: moody and always does his own thing."

"His signature attacks rely on the Chaos force. These include but aren't limited to Chaos Spear, Chaos Blast, and Chaos Control. Don't forget, his speed nearly rivals that of Sonic."

"While he does have all that power, he's not against picking up a gun be it man-made or extraterrestrial."

"The most powerful gun he's found on his ventures is the Shadow Rifle, capable of killing most enemies in just one or two shots."

"And he rides motorcycles for leisure." A picture of Shadow riding a motorcycle passes the screen briefly before stat screens take its place.

"As we've said before, Shadow can use all 7 Chaos Emeralds to grant him the form Super Shadow. In his super form, he can fly, survive in areas without air, and move even faster. While his super form only lasts a few minutes, he returns to normal at peak physical condition regardless of his health prior to the transformation."

"Black-hearted evil or brave-hearted hero?" B concludes, "All hail Shadow!"

A clip of Shadow the Hedgehog's "Pure Hero" ending shows him saying, "This is WHO I AM."

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to reveal a discombobulated chimera with an even crazier look in his red eyes.

W starts, "Discord is the physical manifestation of Chaos and Disharmony. He ruled over Equestria for an unprecedented period of time causing all of his subjects to suffer before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna locked him in stone."

"Wait a second. Are you telling me that guy is from the same world as those ponies?" B asks in disbelief.

"As his very existence defies the magical order that Equestria relies on, Discord's powers are only bound by imagination and entropy. He can make clouds from cotton candy and have them rain chocolate milk."

"Tay Zonday's gonna sue." Stat screens relating to Discord flash by in a sort of power point style.

"He can deform animals, remove a pony's extra body parts, raise labyrinth walls out of nowhere, and create illusions."

"He'd give Houdini a run for his money."

"His most devastating power is his diplomacy combined with his ability to alter someone's personality. With just a touch or a few subliminal suggestions, he can turn anyone dishonest, angry, greedy, cruel, and disloyal." Pictures of Liar Jack, Angry Pie, Greedity, Flutterwry, and Rainbow Ditch are shown for each adjective.

"I'm starting to like this guy."

"While he isn't a murderer, Discord can leave his enemies indifferent and useless in combat situations."

"Just like the U.S. military."

"Shut up."

A clip of Discord holding a broken umbrella has him saying, "Looks like we might be due for a big old storm of Chaos."

---Death Battle---

W says, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up W, I gotta collect some ad money."

"What? B, we're done showing advertisements."

"Not from our home site."

---Death Battle---

Unexpectedly, B decides to advertise Screw Attack.

"At Screw Attack's home site, we offer plenty of video game related content for you to enjoy for hours on end."

W decides to play along, "And if you subscribe to our low-cost Advantage Program, you'll get exclusive content. In Death Battle's case, gag reels and early access to every episode are available for the low monthly cost."

"Go to screwattack.com to check everything out. But right now, it's time for a Death Batttle!"

I am so getting sued for this... I mean, yes! Let's proceed to the match!

---Death Battle---

We find ourselves in a weird, blank white space where the draconequus is humming and hawing to himself.

"No," he says as he snaps his fingers. The background changes to a pleasant beach scenery.

"No," he says again. Snapping his fingers changes the background to a picture of the Milky Way Galaxy.

"Goodness, no." A third snap turns the entire setting into a set up similar to the Canterlot labyrinth maze, but only half of the maze is actually there. The rest of the field is a giant crater.

"Perfect!" Discord smiles proudly. A sound of rocket boosters disrupts his play time. The black hedgehog with red quill highlights appears on screen skating on his boosters before coming to a screeching halt.

"Hmpf," he grunts, "I thought I sensed a rather powerful presence in this vicinity. I guess I was mistaken."

"Well, now. What do we have here?" queries Discord, "A porcupine with an ego complex?"

"I am Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form."

"I'm Discord, the master of Chaos and Disharmony."

"Meh, I guess you'll do for a makeshift punching bag."

"Oh-ho! Feisty little rat. I'm going to have fun with you."

"FIGHT!"

Shadow delivers the first kick and a barrage of martial arts quick blows. Discord takes it while seeming to be forced back.

"Chaos...Spear!" Shadow shouts as he fires three yellow projectile bolts in the shape of spears at Discord. The draconequus is hardly phased as he grabs the spears midair and transforms them all into a bouquet of daisies.

"For me?" he rhetorically asks, "You shouldn't have."

Shadow growls in irritation as he tries a different projectile. It's a red energy beam that travels in a straight line. Discord has a cheeky grin as he pulls out an angled mirror out of nowhere and bounces the energy beam into the sky. As if truly counterattacking, he summons a couple pies out of thin air and throws them toward Shadow. The pies are obliterated as we hear two gunshots. The camera panels over to see Shadow wielding a Shadow Rifle.

"I don't have time for this," he says with an annoyed look. He stashes the rifle into his Sega-knows-where inventory as he calls on the power of all 7 Chaos Emeralds. Red, yellow, green, light blue, blue, purple, and white all glow brightly as Shadow's black quills become an off-white yellow color. He is gathering energy in a fire-esque aura surrounding his entire body.

"Behold the true power I possess!" he declares.

Discord only yawns in response. Apparently he's seen super saiyans before.

"Chaos Control!" shouts Shadow as he seems to disappear in a small blue flash. In reality, he has slowed down time of his surroundings in order to appear that he's moving much faster. As he tries attacking the enemy from behind, Discord slowly reaches one of his hands out and grabs the hedgehog mid-attack. Shadow is caught off guard by this motion and can't move.

"Did you forget what I said earlier?" Discord asks with a much more serious face than before, "I'm the master of Chaos. The fact that you hold it in your veins makes little difference over how much I can control it." He tosses Shadow back a few yards who lands on the ground flinching in pain.

Shadow's super form subsides as his aura and quills return to their black color. The physical contact with Discord is not without consequence. Shadow's forehead starts turning gray as the rest of his body follows suit. He can only lay there with his eyes wide in shock.

Somehow we enter the semi-conscious mind of the black hedgehog. He's floating in a dark, blank space with his eyes closed.

"Shadow," a voice resonates through the space.

Shadow opens his eyes and looks startled.

"Maria?" he asks. A translucent silhouette of a young, blond girl with blue eyes confirms Shadows query.

"Shadow, do you remember your promise?"

"I promised...," he pauses before realizing, "I promised you that I would give people another chance."

The silhouette nods her head.

"But if this guy wins here," Shadow realized, "Then they won't have that chance."

Maria's silhouette vanishes as Shadow remembers his life resolve.

"For you, Maria, and everyone else in the world, I will not lose!"

A new strength rises within Shadow as he remembers the words of an ancient Echidna.

The servers are the seven chaos.
Chaos is power enriched by the heart.
The controller is the one that unifies the chaos.

Shadow's growing inner power is enough to clear his shroud of unconsciousness.

"Aw, what's the matter?" mocks Discord as he looks at the shell-shocked vessel of the hedgehog, "Through already?"

Shadow's eyes blink before narrowing in righteous fury. His color is restored to black and red as an aura surges through him and the surrounding air.

"What's this?" Discord is clearly surprised, not expecting an instant recovery. He tries raining chocolate milk on the now-standing hedgehog, but Shadow's aura evaporates it before it even touches him. Discord tries snapping a few times, but he doesn't get any results.

"Impossible!" Discord cries.

"Chaos...," Shadow crosses his arms, "Control...," his fists become open palms toward the sky, "...BLAST!"

A blackish, reddish, blue explosion fills the entire setting and engulfs Discord.

His last dying thought is, I think I preferred being stone.

As the light clears, the barren crater has been filled with a wide variety of wild flowers. Shadow stands in the middle of it down on one knee.

"I did it," he whispers as he closes his eyes to reflect for a while. A sigh of relief escapes his mouth.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B shouts, "Explosions!" Stat screens appear reflecting on the techniques and strategies used by both challengers in this battle.

W interjects, "Discord had a distinct advantage at first, countering Shadow's attacks and making him lose his cool. But his most devastating power ended up being his own undoing. Discord can only reverse the personality if that unused trait exists in his victim's heart. Since Shadow hides his softer emotions of love and care for his lost friend Maria, releasing that emotion actually became Shadow's source of strength."

"Emo plus a bag of *eff*s makes a deadly combination."

"The winner is Shadow the Hedgehog."

The theme song "All of Me" by Crush 40 plays while a picture of Shadow and his name appear on screen before the closing title card.

---Death Battle---

Can you see all of me?
Walk into my mystery.
Step inside and hold on for dear life.
Do you remember me?
Capture you or set you free?
I am all, I am all of me.

"Special thanks to Takahata101 for providing the voice of Shadow."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: Okay, there was one suggestion in the previous comments that I guess I will work on, but I'm not promising pleasant results. In fact, I can almost foresee losing all of my trackers just because of it. Well, now that that's been said...
Properties all belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Love and tolerance to all!

Eyes vs. Stomach

A/N: I think I'm making a mistake writing this chapter. I mean it's a freaking adorable character, and it's going to die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! *sobs*
...
Okay... I'm done. *sniff* Let's just get this over with.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (4)

---Death Battle---

Shouldn't we stop making random characters fight to the death? I mean what's the point? I- what? Oh, whoops we're live.

Various pictures of Nintendogs, cute Pokemon, and other things pass the screen.

B coos, "Aww, they're so cute... Let's rip 'em to shreds!"

W says, "Today, we're pitting two characters that the media deems adorable but deadly. Kirby the Star Warrior of Dreamland and Fluttershy the Element of Kindness."

B for once is rendered speechless at the fact that another pony has ended up in these Death Battles.

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to reveal a pink puffball with a cute face, stubby arms, and red shoes.

W starts the introduction, "Like Yoshi, Kirby is both this guy's name and his species. He is a citizen of Dreamland on the planet Pop Star." Various statistics regarding Kirby are listed to the side.

"Despite his positive cheerful personality," W continues, "the one mistake no enemy should make is underestimating him."

B adds, "This guy can eat your face... and your arm... and your leg... and your torso..."

"Yes, Kirby can inhale and ingest his enemies with his signature ability. Usually, this power allows him various power boosts such as projectiles, endurance, and occasionally fireballs. Upon inhaling certain enemies, Kirby is granted the Copy Ability which allows him to use all of the powers of the person or creature he's eaten. However, those enemies happen to be the ones that... uh,... get out." W clearly wishes to avoid talking about-

"Yeah, but that's what makes battling him even more torturous. Can you imagine getting beat up by moves you thought were only mastered by you? How embarrassing."

"While this is Kirby's most well-known ability, it is certainly not his only one. He can draw a sword out of his non-existent belt and when an enemy is directly beneath him, he can transform into a brick dealing a heavy blow."

"Heh heh, he said blow."

"Kirby's faced a wide variety of enemies and rivals, including King Dedede and Meta Knight."

"And he's still got that smile glued to his face."

A dramatic cut scene is shown where Kirby transforms into Fire Kirby saying, "Poyo!"

---Death Battle---

The title card parts this time to reveal a long pink-maned, yellow Pegasus smiling at butterflies.

"Another pony?" B asks skeptically, "Another pony?!"

"Fluttershy resides in Ponyville in Equestria," W dodges the question, "After falling from her home in Cloudsdale, she found her true calling as an animal caretaker and physician."

B sighs exasperatedly.

"Under normal circumstances, Fluttershy has a very reserved personality. She's soft spoken and tends to avoid social gatherings."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Stats appear onscreen pertaining to Fluttershy.

"However, she will not accept the fact that someone hurts her friends. Should such an event occur, she becomes much more authoritative and motherly, demeaning the perpetrators into submission. This is helped by her signature move that many simply refer to as 'The Stare'."

"You're... kidding."

"Under the Stare's influence, animals, monsters, and other ponies lose much of their intimidating bravado allowing Fluttershy to get away with just about anything. But her intimidation isn't her only secret weapon. When properly motivated or provoked, she can wrestle a bear to the point of snapping its neck and fly at Mach speeds giving Rainbow Dash a run for her money."

"Are we still talking about the same horse?"

"Should she ever get truly frustrated or enraged, she can herd an entire stampede of animals simply by charging."

"Huh."

An earthquake shaken scene reveals a door slammed open and a very ragged Fluttershy breathing, "You're... going... to LOVE ME!"

---Death Battle---

W states his pre-battle catch phrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "But first an advertisement from... uh..."

"Actually, B, we're not doing those anymore."

"All right! Time for an ad-free Death Battle! Except for Screw Attack which you should check out after this because it's awesome."

---Death Battle---

An open meadow field is the stage for this match. Kirby is riding his star in from the left of the screen before landing. Fluttershy gently flaps in from the right, blushing slightly after landing.

"FIGHT!"

"Oh, were we fighting?" asks a concerned Fluttershy, "I'm sorry." She flies over to where Kirby is standing and attempts to punch. Only, it sounds more like a tap. Kirby acts like he doesn't notice. Maybe he doesn't notice. Fluttershy attempts to use her other hoof to punch. This time the tap results in a giggle from Kirby.

At first Fluttershy isn't sure what's going on. But then a light bulb goes off in her mind.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle," she mutters while tapping Kirby. This results in more giggles from the pink puffball.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle," Fluttershy says with more confidence and more taps. Kirby is literally rolling around laughing.

Unfortunately, this funny moment was not meant to last. Kirby in his fits of laughter begins inhaling with his black hole of a stomach. Fluttershy squeals in fright trying to fly away, but it's too late. She's already within range of being sucked in. As she disappears behind Kirby's lips, he gulps as his Copy Ability alters his head with a pink mane and small feathered wings.

After this change, Fluttershy is... *ahem*... ejected but she shakes her head as if she were dizzy.

"How dare you?" she mutters. Then she turns around and faces Kirby completely.

"How dare you?!" Fluttershy shouts as she unwittingly activates her 'Stare'. Contrary to the norm, however, Kirby also activates the 'Stare'. The collision of the two 'Stares' creates seismic energy that shakes the entire battle field.

We pan out to the satellite camera that's keeping an eye on the planet as a whole. The planet shakes violently until it explodes in all directions. Neither challenger can be seen in the aftermath.

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B comments, "Well, that world's *eff*ed. Our bad."

Stat screens filled with text regarding the battle as W reflects, "Since neither challenger takes the initiative in most fights, it seemed like this would be an innocent competition of who got the last laugh. Unfortunately for them both, Kirby's bizarre digestive system was their undoing. The world can barely sustain the gravity of one overpowered 'Stare'. Two simultaneous 'Stares' was just too much for it."

"Staring contest! Darn it, I blinked!"

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both competitors appear onscreen with the word 'DRAW' underneath them.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll by as our hosts are left speechless.

A/N: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fluttershy... I... I... I'll find you a Phoenix Down. Yeah! And maybe a Max Revive, that should help, right? Right? I won't let you die forever. I just won't.
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. (Don't kill me!)
...
...
...
Wait...
No...
It's not over yet.
*pulls out Pinkie Pie's remote control*

(rewinds to a previous moment)

"How dare you?!" Fluttershy shouts as she unwittingly releases the 'Stare'. It's so deep and unnerving that it scares the copied abilities right out of Kirby.

"Listen here, mister! Just because you're cute doesn't mean you can eat whoever you want."

Kirby's face almost looks like it's shrinking, though it's impossible for his face to get any smaller.

"Now you go back to your room and think about what you've done mister," Fluttershy's lecture continues, "Do you understand me?"

Kirby quickly nods, grabs his star transport, and hightails it out of there. Fluttershy's 'Stare' subsides.

"Oh, um, excuse me, Mr. Narrator sir," her voice has returned to its softer tone, "What happens now?"

That's a good question. Oh wait, I've got it.

"K.O!"

---Death Battle---

B is amazed, "Dang. Forget what I said earlier. That pony's a boss!"

W keeps a professional tone, "It seemed like the fight was all over when Kirby used his inhaling Copy Ability, but Fluttershy's 'Stare' and assertiveness were able to quickly turn things around."

"Tickling puffballs, like a BOSS! Staring daggers, like a BOSS! Tell him off, like a BOSS! Now he's gone, like a BOSS!"

"The winner is Fluttershy." A picture of the bearer of Kindness and her name underneath mark the end of this episode.

---Death Battle---

B quickly states, "By the way, for those of you wondering when we'll make Goku fight Superman..."

W interjects, "Actually, B, we're out of time. Thanks for watching."

A/N: I was really hesitant to submit the chapter as it was at about 1200 words. That's when it hit me, "make an alternate ending." And best of all Fluttershy's still around to stay. *yay*
Next time... hm... I'll have to get back to you on that.
Thanks for reading.

The Race of Champions

A/N: Man, I was really hoping I could think up some more events to happen in my other story "Seven Princesses of Light". But I've got writer's block in that regard. So, in the meantime while I'm ignoring homework, let's get started with another Death Battle parody.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega. Read, relax, and review (well, comment but you get the point).

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (5)

---Death Battle---

You know, I worry about the director sometimes. I think he's starting to run out of ideas. But hey, I'm not getting paid to give my opinion. Actually, I'm not getting paid at all but that's beside the point.

Various pictures of Nascar and Mario Kart flood the screen. These are followed by pictures of stands in winner's circles.

B starts with enthusiasm, "There are two things in life I've come to really like: going fast and winning."

W responds, "Well, you're in luck then, B, because this time we're bringing together two winners from previous Death Battles that are the fastest of the fast."

"Sonic the Hedgehog, the blue blur."

"And Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a fairly confident blue anthro hedgehog.

"Since we've gone over Sonic's repertoire before," begins W, "Let's do a quick recap." Various stat screens appear as W continues.

"Sonic is often called the fastest thing on his feet. Notably, he's been able to reach the speed of light on numerous occasions, though his average typically sticks out at just over 765 miles per hour."

"And he still hasn't changed those shoes?" B guffaws, "He must have some really stinky feet by now."

"His figure-8 and spin dash techniques allow him to reach top speed almost instantly and his driving speed isn't too shabby either."

"Why the hell would he drive a car?"

"Although Sonic can't swim, his bubble shield allows him to breathe underwater as well as provide a powerful bounce to his jumps."

"His other shields include a magnetic shield that attract power rings, a fire shield that protects against heat, and a green shield that's good for blocking one fatal blow."

"As we've said before, the 7 Chaos Emeralds grant Sonic the power and speed of Super Sonic. However, this is just one of several forms he can acquire. Should he absorb negative Chaos energy, he becomes Dark Sonic a form whose abilities rival and may even surpass his super form."

"So it's Super Sonic with an emo complex."

"Sonic also has item-specific forms. When he wields the legendary sword Excalibur, he gains the golden armor of King Arthur which boosts his speed, invulnerability, and enables flight."

"So it's Super Sonic with a sword."

"Wielding the World Rings allows Sonic to use the form of Darkspine Sonic, a slightly darker and more violent form of Super Sonic."

"So it's Super Sonic with anger issues."

"Transforming the Chaos Emeralds into Super Emeralds allows Sonic to become Hyper Sonic."

"So it's Super Sonic with rainbows."

"Will you stop that?"

"What? It's true."

"But no matter what form he takes, he's always willing to save the day."

A clip of Sonic on planet Wisp has him telling off Eggman with the phrase, "No copyright law in the universe can stop me!"

---Death Battle---

A picture of a proud cyan Pegasus with a 7-colored mane shows up on screen after the title card splits.

"Now that's the second most awesome pony I've ever seen," declares B, clearly remembering Fluttershy from last episode.

"We briefly covered Rainbow Dash in her last battle, but there's plenty more to discuss," states W, "Her wing power of 16.5 gives her enough velocity to reach mach 5 speeds." Statistics and factoids appear on screen as W keeps talking.

"As a Pegasus, she can manipulate tornadoes, lightning, and precipitation. She can also stand and walk on clouds."

"Does that mean she's high?" B jokes.

W conveniently ignores him, "Her Sonic Rainboom technique allows her to breech Mach 10 speeds and break the visible light spectrum. It is also argued that this technique can be used to demolish old buildings. Other researchers claim that it's a different technique entirely and have dubbed it the Atomic Rainnuke."

"This pony's a nuclear bomb?!"

"Despite her usually steadfast, loyal character, Rainbow can get prideful and overconfident. She shares this problem with Sonic. When her pride is attacked, she gets stressed and worried about the possibility of failure."

"Dash doesn't like losing."

"I hate losing," confirms a recording of Rainbow Dash.

W continues, "She typically rushes into a problem headfirst which leaves no time for any actual planning for more complex problems."

"She's too fast and too furious," concludes B.

A clip of Rainbow in Ghastly Gorge shows her saying, "Dun dun dun! ...Gesundheit."

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "Don't forget to check out Screw Attack's website when you get the chance. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

A section of land resembling Green Hill Zone minus the robots has been set aside for our match today. The challengers waste no time showing up onscreen.

"Ready to do this?" asks the confident blue hedgehog.

"Aw, yeah!" replies the just-as-confident cyan Pegasus.

"FIGHT!"

The fighters are quickly lost from the camera's view, as their speedy forms resemble blurs of color smacking across each other in rapid succession. Neither of them misses a beat nor slows down.

Sonic tries to boost his damage with his fire shield power-up. Rainbow responds by flying out of range before bringing in a rain cloud. A bit of bouncing on her part leaves Sonic drenched and unshielded. She takes this opportunity to fly around Sonic with her Rainblow Dry tornado. Though initially caught in the twister, Sonic quickly spin dashes his way into his own Sonic Wind attack spinning in the opposite direction of the tornado. The result is a gentle breeze in every direction.

Rainbow tries bringing in a thunderhead to scare Sonic with lightning bolts, but Sonic is one step ahead of her with a magnetic shield already in place. The lightning zaps the shield, but curves around it, leaving Sonic unfazed. But then Rainbow Dash brings in another rain cloud to quickly vaporize the shield. Strangely, Sonic is dry this time.

"Now it's time to get serious!" he declares. He starts spin dashing a bit faster while he seems to gather light particles.

Dash seems to get take this as a hint to start her strongest attack. She flies up higher than she normally dares to soar. At the peak of her ascension, she immediately starts flying downward adding the pull of gravity to her already fast pace.

Down on the ground, Sonic's Light Speed Attack is almost fully charged. The last particles surround Sonic in a pale blue light as he shouts, "Ready?" Three seconds pass before he runs forward shouting, "Go!"

Dash is 7 meters above the ground and closing in fast. It's convenient that the particular point is where both competitors are aiming.

"RAAAAH!" yells Dash as she careens toward the ground. As Sonic reaches the point, a huge mushroom cloud of seven colors covers a large portion of the visible sky. The explosion is joined by a white ring of light resembling that of a flash grenade. It's difficult to see anything for the next few moments.

As the smoke and debris finally start to clear, we see two tuckered out speedsters lying on the ground eyes closed. At first, it looks like they both bit the dust until a chuckle escapes the mouth of the blue hedgehog. A responsive chuckle is heard from the Pegasus. Before long, both are laughing like a couple of idiots.

"That was incredible," says Sonic.

"That was awesome," agrees Dash.

Both of them get up slowly, each covered with haphazard bruises. As they walk toward each other, the look of fight is gone. Instead looks of admiration cross their faces.

"We should compete again someday," he says.

"Yeah, when we're both at our best," she responds.

"Catch you later!" they shout together as they speed off in separate directions.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

---Death Battle---

"Fast things and explosions!" shouts B.

"Their speeds were evenly matched, making simple brawling a null option," observed W.

"Even their tornadoes were equally powered."

"It seemed this battle would finally reach its end when Sonic's Light Speed Attack met Rainbow's Atomic Rainnuke."

"And it kind of did," B says in a voice that's kind of let down at the deathless conclusion.

"With both combatants on respectful terms, this Death Battle is a draw."

Pictures of both contestants are shown side-by-side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits play to the sound of "City Escape".

A/N: Was there ever any doubt? As cocky as either of them are, I think props is an appropriate way to end a parody chapter. As far as personalities are concerned, they're practically identical: loyal and true.
Properties belong to their owners. I gain no profit. Blah, blah, you know.
Oh, FYI, I'm not going to do a whole lot of editing to the Main Character Tags. With there being a 5 tag limit and no guarantee that certain characters actually become a part of this... yeah. Later days!

Talk the Talk...(AKA the mistake chapter)

A/N: Frankly, this chapter was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now and stop reading any further.
*Falcon Punch* Shove off, GLaDOS! This is my story!
Though she does have a point.
WARNING: If you don't wish to see a fan favorite die or even compared to another character because you believe they are superior in every aspect, please leave now and don't torture yourself. Thank you.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Kazuki Takahashi. Oh, and Valve... I guess.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (6)

---Death Battle---

Seriously, how many of these is the director going to make? You'd think he has a better reason than just to kill time. Whoops, camera's rolling.

Clips of Alec Trevelyan, Seto Kaiba, Blue, and various other egotists cross the screen.

B sighs in frustration, "I can't stand it when people talk like they're better than everyone else. Only I can do that!"

W keeps a level tone of professionalism, "Today we're putting two of television's self-centered boasters into the ring."

"Sayer or Divine (in Japan) of the G5 duelists."

"And the Great and Powerful Trixie of the G4 unicorn ponies."

"Do I even have to say it anymore?" B is still a bit huffy about the number of ponies being brought into these battles as of late.

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A man with a look that could kill is shown on screen.

"Sayer is the founder and leader of the Arcadia Movement, an organization founded specifically to gather Psychic Duelist soldiers to exact revenge for New Domino City's discrimination," W says as statistics are shown on the screen.

"He doesn't look black to me," comments B.

"As a Psychic Duelist himself, Sayer is able to make the duel monster cards he plays actual manifestations of what the cards depict. His most commonly used attack is the Spell Card Hinotama, a fireball that would normally deal 500 points of damage to the opponent's life points. His melee weapon of choice is the Spell Card Psychic Sword, an equip spell that would raise a Psychic-Type monsters Attack Power given the right circumstances."

"Wait, when did Yu-gi-oh become Pokemon?"

"Like any other duelist, Sayer carries a duel disk, allowing him to summon and play any of the cards in his deck. So, he's not limited to his spells of preference. While Sayer claims to be anti-discriminatory, he's not against torturing or killing his co-workers and test subjects with chains, electricity, fire, and brainwashing."

"Some 'Divine' guy he is," remarks B using Sayer's Japanese name as a pun.

A clip runs where Sayer whispers the phrase, "The entrance to the Underworld is on the witch's island," into Akiza's ear.

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to reveal a light blue pony wearing a purple wizard's hat and cape.

"Trixie Lulamoon is a traveling show pony and a master of illusion based magic," W introduces.

"Master my foot," mutters B.

Various statistics appear on screen as W continues.

"As a unicorn, Trixie can perform basic levitation on inanimate objects and living matter. Aside from that, her personal favorite spells include object summoning, rope manipulation, and thunderhead formation. She can also trigger fireworks and makeshift smoke bombs."

"What's so great and powerful about her? Most other unicorns can use exactly the same types of magic with less flashiness and greater effectiveness."

"Trixie can also alter the hair styles of others to the point of grotesque and disturbing conglomerations."

"I mean she exaggerates every single normal aspect about herself."

"Well, B, that's kind of her job as a performer. She has to 'sell' herself to her audience."

"You couldn't pay me to watch one of her half-*ss*d acts."

A clip of Trixie is almost a perfect counterargument to B's complaints as Trixie says, "Well, well, well, it seems we have some neigh-sayers in the audience."

"Rumor has it that she vanquished an Ursa Major with just her overwhelming magic," W adds as a last note.

"Pics or it didn't happen, lady!" B retorts.

The last clip of the blue unicorn reveals her saying, "You'll never be able to match the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" It ends with one of her smoke bombs.

---Death Battle---

Cue W's catchphrase, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up, W. I got to go buy more ammo for my baby launcher/kitty cannon."

"Wha...? B! I told you that was a terrible idea."

"But Netflix gave me plenty of money to work with. Gamefly, GoDaddy, and Square Space did too. Right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

An abandoned amusement park appears to be the stage for this Death Battle. From the left side of the screen, a flashy pop-up stage appears as a loud voice resounds.

"Come one! Come all! Come see the amazing talent of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" The blue unicorn pony appears in a veil of one of her smoke bombs. She makes a bowing motion before talking to herself.

"That was perfect if Trixie does say so herself."

"You certainly look the part," says a man's voice. From the right of the screen, the maroon-haired man shows up in an overcoat.

"Let's see if you're of any use to me," says Sayer. Wow, 'says Sayer' sounds somewhat silly... and redundant.

"FIGHT!"

"Hinotama!" Sayer shouts as he plays his spell card in his duel disk. A fairly large, red fireball appears before flying towards the stage on which the unicorn is standing. A cloud of smoke appears before the fire hits the stage and engulfs it.

"Is that the best you've got?" asks Trixie. She has teleported behind the man before summoning her signature thunderhead to cast lightning. Although the lightning connects, Sayer is unfazed.

"Ha! I take more volts than that on a regular basis!" he brags. He summons his Psychic Sword in his right hand. Trixie attempts to manipulate her rope to entangle her enemy only to watch the threads be slashed to ribbons by the man's blade. When he attempts to strike her directly, another column of smoke allows her to change locations again.

"Stop running away, you coward!" shouts Sayer.

"Who's running?" retorts Trixie off screen. A powerful surge is concentrated at the base of her horn as she casts a new spell. Never had she before used object summoning to that degree.

"What the...?" asks Sayer as he is now faced with a 10-story tall purple bear. It's clearly displeased as it charges toward the man before it. It releases a loud roar.

"K-Krebons, stop the attack!" Sayer commands as he shakily plays one of his monster cards on his duel disk. An obscure-looking clown appears but is quickly shattered as it collides with the giant bear.

"Th-Thought Ruler Archfiend! Magical Android!" A skeleton dragon and a sorceress take the field. While they hold for a few seconds longer than the clown, they are both smashed to smithereens.

There's only one target left for the Ursa Major to crush. For once, Sayer experiences fear as the giant paw comes down upon him. The result is not a pleasant sight for queasy stomachs.

With the time diminished on Trixie's summoning spell, the Ursa Major disappears. It returns to wherever it was prior to the summoning.

"Was there ever any doubt?" asks Trixie with her head held high.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B looks taken aback, "Why are these ponies so awesome?"

As usual, W takes the professional tone, "Even though Sayer has more experience as a leader, Trixie clearly had the upper hand right from the start. While Sayer was able to fend off her more common attacks, Trixie's final cast was able to destroy everything left in his arsenal." The stat screen agrees with W's observation.

"Okay, so she can fight... I'm still not buying tickets to her show."

"The winner is Trixie Lulamoon." A picture of the blue unicorn pony is shown with the bold words "The Great and Powerful Trixie" shown underneath.

---Death Battle---

B announces, "Next time on Death Battle..."

Dark silhouettes appear on screen as various phrases also appear.

Leader

Intelligent

Strategist

Friend

Who is the one?

Shadows of a unicorn and a little girl occupy the screen with the word VS between them.

Credits roll as the hosts thank the viewers for watching.

A/N: The difference between us is that I can feel pain.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you can GLaDOS.
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. You know the drill.

Great Minds Think Alike

A/N: Okay, I should give you all a fair warning. I have no idea where I'm going with this chapter. Just know that the end result might not be pretty. All right, now that that's been said...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Hanna-Barbera Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (7)

---Death Battle---

Okay, no! Director, you allowed Trixie to be WAY overpowered in the last battle. She wouldn't stand a chance against... what?
We're on in 10? *sigh* Fine. But I'm warning you, director.

Various teams from the media appear on screen.

W starts off with, "Every great team in history was known to have a great leader."

B adds, "Like Blossom of the Powerpuff Girls."

"And Twilight Sparkle of the bearers of Harmony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a small girl in a pink dress and a red bow.

W introduces, "Made from sugar, spice, everything nice, and chemical X, Blossom and her sisters Bubbles and Buttercup form the Powerpuff Girls, the heroes of the city of Townsville."

B states, "The city has been targeted by a green monkey, a hill-billy bigfoot, giant monsters, a chick with hair issues, and even the devil himself. But the girls kick all of their hindquarters."

Stats appear onscreen as W talks about them.

"Since she was created from chemical X, Blossom has a wide variety of superpowers including super strength, laser vision, sonic screaming, and flight. One power that's unique to Blossom is her ice breath, since neither of her sisters can duplicate it."

"Blossom is considered the "smart one", so she takes care of most of the planning before taking action."

"She's considered the most level-headed and mature of the group and often acts as the peacemaker in familial debates. Despite this, she is constantly arguing with Buttercup for not seeing her analytical approach and she gets fussy when things aren't orderly."

"Sounds like your last ex-girlfriend, right W?"

"Right. Wait, no!"

A scene where Blossom has been imprinted into a wall shows her saying, "Why do they always pick the hard way?"

---Death Battle---

A portrait of a lavender unicorn pony with a purple mane and pink highlights enters the screen.

"Personal student of Princess Celestia of Equestria," W begins "Twilight Sparkle and her five friends form the team known as the Elements of Harmony."

"They live in the town of Ponyville," continues B, "which is constantly in danger from dragons, giant bears, animal stampedes, and the occasional super villain or two."

A stat screen appears as W picks up the pace.

"Twilight is an avid spell-caster. After studying from countless tomes, she has mastered several types of magic including levitation, teleportation, illumination, magic shields, wind conjuration, and various object summoning."

"She's also learned forbidden enchantments like the Want-it-need-it, which makes anyone and everyone fall in love with whatever she's enchanted."

"Twilight is often considered the most level-headed and organized out her group of 6. Her intellect and analytical thought processes seem to match this consideration and she's often the first to make plans for dealing with the town's problems. Despite this, she has more often than not questioned Pinkie Pie's non-analytical ideas and gets frustrated when things are disorderly."

"Now why does that sound familiar?"

"Twilight is obsessed with punctuality. Should her schedule be thrown off or a deadline missed, she starts acting vain and overbearing on details that others would see as ridiculous and unnecessary."

"The Element of Magic has O.C.D."

"Yet she's always willing to learn a new lesson about the magic of friendship."

A clip shows Twilight Sparkle saying, "We've learned that friendship isn't always easy. But there's no doubt it's worth fighting for."

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "Let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

Blossom is seen flying over a section of land that has structures similar to Townsville's architecture. A twinkle of light catches the corner of her eye and she goes to investigate the source. It seems a lavender unicorn has appeared on one of the streets. Good thing there's no traffic right now.

"FIGHT!"

"Wait, time out!" both combatants shout as they go off opposite sides of the screen. Twilight pulls out a quill pen and a piece of parchment while Blossom uses a stick with the gravelly ground. They seem to be doing various calculations.

"Let's see, if I just levitate the leptons...," Twilight says to herself.

"If I triangulate the trajectory...," Blossom muses to herself.

Do you have any idea what they're talking about?

A/N: No, I don't.

Me neither.

It seems that the two geniuses need a little time to plan their patterns of attack. Hums and ah-has are heard as they keep writing their plans out.

"Got it!" they shout simultaneously before returning to the original starting point of the fight. Hm... maybe we should start from the top.

"FIGHT!"

Twilight releases a volley of reddish magic bolts while Blossom counters with her own volley of laser eyes. The collisions provide a nice, low-air fireworks display. They continue this volley boxing as they circle each other.

Blossom breaks away from the dance first, flying high above the nearest skyscraper. With the range getting longer and the aim getting less precise, Twilight disappears in a flash of light before reappearing at the top of one of the skyscrapers. With her enemy closer, she attempts her volley of magic missiles again.

The Powerpuff leader dodges each of the blasts before releasing a high pitched scream. The resonating sound waves are visible and blue and start to shake the entire building. The skyscraper's foundation begins to crumble just as Twilight realizes what's going on.

"Wah!" yelps the unicorn as she vanishes in a poof of light. She appears on a building two blocks away. As she begins to catch her breath, a familiar scream can be heard. This building is falling too. She teleports to the next building. This process keeps repeating itself ten times. At this point, Twilight simply teleports back to ground level.

As per the next part of her strategy, Twilight conjures her wind spell which blows at a much faster speed than what she was capable of doing before. Blossom is struggling to fight the strong wind as she attempts to fly toward her opponent. She suddenly gets a new idea. She starts blowing and ice crystals start to take the shape of the gale winds. As the frost surrounds her, it starts solidifying into a shape that reduces wind resistance. While this forces her flight path slightly downward, she is certainly making more progress.

Noticing that her wind spell isn't having as great an effect, Twilight switches her focus to form a giant bubble of magic around herself. Without the gale wind to fight against, Blossom's horizontal flight speed increases exponentially. She's on a collision course with Twilight's current location. The unicorn appears to be straining, as if her energy is just about used up.

The half-frozen Powerpuff collides with the magic shield head-on. Time holds still for the two as they both strain themselves in regards to the shield. It shows signs of cracking as Twilight finally loses her hold. The bubble is shattered and she collapses onto the ground as Blossom lands heavily a couple feet away. The ice on her body breaks as she lands. Both the unicorn and the Powerpuff are breathing heavily, but only the Powerpuff is standing.

If my calculations are correct, thinks Twilight, I only have enough left for... that spell. She was hoping it didn't have to come to this, but now she has no choice.

As Blossom braces herself for what could be a trap, a light starts surrounding the unicorn's horn and body. Within a couple seconds, she's gone. Twilight is no longer on the stage of battle. Blossom falls back into a sitting position still breathing heavily.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Aw, c'mon," whines B, "I wanted to see some blood shed."

W reflects the situation of the entire match, "Both fighters had plenty of intellect and planning ready after a minute of critical thinking. However, Blossom has more experience improvising in the heat of battle. While Twilight's magic is powerful, she can only use so much of it in a single time period without exhausting herself. That last teleportation spell will probably leave her unconscious when she arrives home."

"Her white light was her white flag."

"The winner is Blossom." A picture of Blossom with her name underneath appears onscreen.

---Death Battle---

"Special thanks to all those who offered their voice talents in this episode," says W.

"Thanks for watching," acknowledges B.

A/N: This chapter was made for a request. I apologize if it doesn't meet their expectations. But, I wasn't really keen on sending it in any other direction.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. See ya'll later.

Change of Face

A/N: Maybe it's the hot weather in my area, but I'm feeling a bit moody today. Regardless of the Season 2 finale, in my opinion Nightmare Moon will always be my favorite villain. I'm a stickler for the classics.

Said the guy who didn't grow up with comic books, classic Sonic, and old-school Mario.

A/N: Oh, shut up. *sigh* Anyway, if you haven't seen the Season 2 finale (episodes 51 and 52), this may contain some spoilers. You hear that? It's called a "spoiler alert". On that note, enjoy.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Netherrealm Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (8)

---Death Battle---

Well, I've picked on the director enough for now. Let's get on with it. In 3...2...1.

Various pictures are thrown across the screen as the episode gets started.

W opens, "This time on Death Battle, we're bringing in some shape-shifters."

B adds, "The mutants or villains that always hide right under your nose posing as your best friend."

"Like Shang Tsung, sorcerer of Outworld and Chrysalis, queen of the changelings."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A picture of an elderly man followed by a picture of the same man in his younger years is shown after the title card opens.

"With the powers only Death Battle possesses, we've brought back the pawn of Shao Kahn for another round," says W.

B smoothly states, "It was so much fun watching him get beat up by Akuma, we just had to watch it happen again."

"Shang Tsung is the host of Mortal Kombat tournaments between Earth Realm and Outworld. He was cursed by the Elder gods to rapidly age until an untimely death. The only way to prevent his death is to absorb souls from his victims."

A stat screen appears as B talks.

"Like we said before, this allows him to heal up and use the moves of the form he copies."

"Shang Tsung is adept at a form of pyromancy, shooting flaming skulls, teleporting through the floor with hot escape, and summoning flaming skulls from the floor."

"He also hides a straight sword for surprise attacks and he can open portals between realms."

"Whenever he does claim victory, it's always the result of cheating and manipulation."

"What a dick."

A scene of Shang Tsung walking on screen has him say, "Your soul is mine!"

---Death Battle---

A picture of a very cut-up alicorn with insectoid wings and a green aura about her takes the screen.

"AAAAH!" shouts B, "Kill it with fire!"

W holds the professionalism here, "Born from the dark boundaries of Equestria, Chrysalis is the queen of a race known as the changelings, all capable of transforming into whoever they see."

"How many ugly *eff*s are there in Equestria?"

Various factoids appear on screen as W picks up the description.

"On her own, her magic is capable of blasting enemies, opening portals to the underground caverns, brainwashing, and levitation."

"She's so ugly, how ugly is she."

"As a changeling, Chrysalis is able to transform herself into any other pony she sees. Specifically, she tends to copy lovers' affection as she needs to absorb the energy of true love in order to keep her strength up. This is one of the reasons why she wants to take over Equestria, as its citizens hold the most true love in the entire world. Unfortunately, if too much love energy is present, it can repel her and all of her changeling minions out of a given city area."

"Expecto Patronum!" shouts B, "...What?"

A clip from an episode shows Chrysalis saying, "First we take Canterlot, and then ALL of Equestria!"

---Death Battle---

Cue W saying, "All right the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "While we're doing that, I'm going to buy a new flamethrower."

"What? Where did you get the money for a flamethrower?"

"From the sales of our Death Battle T-shirts, guaranteed to make the wearer 30% sexier in 5 seconds flat. (No refunds.) Time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

A tall castle-esque hallway marks the stage of this Death Battle. From the floor, two fiery circles appear, one green and one orange. The changeling emerges from the green portal while the middle-age appearance of the sorcerer rises from the orange portal. No words are spoken from either of them.

"FIGHT!"

Chrysalis giggles before taking on the form of Shang Tsung. The real sorcerer quickly proves he's the real one by summoning a fiery skull just underneath his imposter's feet. The imposter Tsung is sent flying as two more skulls ram his back. Abandoning her game of pretend, Chrysalis regains her default, changeling form as she falls onto the ground.

As she gets up, Shang disappears through the floor in a blaze before reappearing behind the alicorn wannabe. Shang then takes the form of the blue clothed Kitana. She pulls forth a couple bladed fans and starts waving them in front of her. This creates a mini-tornado that starts lifting Chrysalis.

The changeling is not fazed by this wind as she quickly opens her bug-like wings and flies around the imposter Kitana. Chrysalis activates her green magic to open a green, burning hole in the ground. It absorbs the would-be Kitana who disappears from view. Chrysalis starts laughing before she notices an orange portal off to her side.

The restored Shang Tsung jumps out of the portal to about Chrysalis' aerial position. He then changes forms to look like Liu Kang before delivering a series of kicks one would expect to perform while riding a fast bicycle. As Chrysalis falls to the ground in a heap, Shang Tsung lands on his feet. He then grabs the changeling by the neck, as his green aura starts absorbing the queen's soul.

Chrysalis opens her eyes and barely holds enough energy to knock Shang away with a hoof. Now it's the sorcerer's turn to copy his opponent's shape. Only this time, he has the other one's power in addition to her form. Both changeling's charge up green magical blasts and fire them directly at each other.

Drained along with some of her soul, the original changeling quickly runs out of charge and gets blasted by her look-alike. She's on the floor in a heap again. She appears to try another spell but it has no obvious effect. She slowly looks to her opponent, with fear in her eyes for the first time in this fight.

Shang Tsung returns to his default form before walking towards the queen of changelings.

"FINISH HER!" shouts a random announcer.

Shang then takes the form of a generic clown, before pulling out a pistol. He aims it at Chrysalis before firing a "Bang!" flag and confetti. The changeling queen raises an eyebrow in disbelief. The clown then pulls out a second pistol. The camera pans in on the clown as this pistol fires an actual bullet and gunpowder. Imagination can fill in what happened afterward. The clown then laughs hysterically before taking a bow toward the camera.

"FATALITY!" shouts that announcer.

"K.O!" shouts the Death Battle announcer.

---Death Battle---

B says, "Well, I guess that's... kind of what I said about killing it with fire."

W reflects, "While both fighters were capable of altering their appearance, only Shang Tsung was able to alter his abilities. Additionally, Chrysalis' magic requires her to absorb true love. Since Shang Tsung is centuries old, he has lost all touch with any true love in his life. Chrysalis' brainwashing spell has no effect on victims without love. This gave Tsung an opening for his more comical fatality."

"Boom! Head shot!"

"The winner is Shang Tsung." A picture of the robed sorcerer is shown with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Track and leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: This time I guess I will open this story to suggestions. However, there is a slight chance that it won't happen. By the way, "end spoiler alert".
...
Properties belong to their respective owners. This is a non-profit work. Good day to everyone.

Diamonds and Roses...(May not contain an actual battle)

A/N: I'll be frank here, I don't know for sure what I'm going to do with this chapter. Seriously, I have no personal experience forcing pacifist people to fight each other, so it's a miracle I can even do it in writing without feeling hypocritical. *sighs*
Fans of any particular side... forgive me.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (10)

---Death Battle---

I may have threatened one of the contenders that I would fatally wound Sonic if she didn't compete.

A/N: !

Don't worry. I didn't mention you.

A/N: Ugh...

I also may have threatened the other contender to dye her mane a sick green and force her to look at tacky outfits.

A/N: What?!

Well, she was being all prissy saying, "A lady does not reduce herself to such barbaric measures," and junk like that.

A/N: Why didn't you just get some other pony?

Hey, it's your show. I'm just the narrator.

A/N: But that doesn't mean you have to resort to threats.

It's not a threat if you can back it up. I have green mane dye and a tied-up blue hedgehog.

A/N: *face palm* NARRATOR!

Whoops! Show's starting. Can't talk now. Love you. Bye!

A/N: ... -_- ... *sigh* Bastard.

We start the show with various shots of "everything nice".

B opens with, "There's always some girl that just has to look her best whether it's for some guy she likes or just for the sake of making herself pretty."

W concurs, "Like Amy Rose from Mobius or Rarity from Ponyville."

"G***d**nit. Not more ponies..."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a pink anthro hedgehog wearing a red dress and boots.

"Standing at two-foot-eleven and a weight that no one knows," introduces W, "Amy Rose is the self-appointed girlfriend of Sonic the Hedgehog."

"That girl needs a new hobby instead of ogling the blue blur," comments B. Amy's stats appear on screen as W resumes the talk.

"Her obsession and training over the years has allowed Amy to run speeds just about as fast as Sonic's average, making it difficult for him to lose her. Though, it's possible she's colorblind since she's confused him with Shadow and Silver before."

"While she shares a spin attack and speed dash with Sonic, she can mix things up with her Piko Piko hammer. It's a giant, red and yellow hammer capable of crushing enemies, creating tornadoes, and causing shock waves."

"Amy has also claimed notable victories in Extreme Gear races and Olympic events since 2008 in Beijing."

"Though she's been kidnapped by Dr. Eggman before, she's not the girl you want to trifle with."

A clip of video reveals a focus on Knuckles and Amy.

Knuckles says, "I'll admit you weren't half bad Sonic."

"Half bad?" asks Amy as she shoves Knuckles into a tree, "He was all great!"

---Death Battle---

The title card opens to reveal a white unicorn pony with a curled, purple mane and a seductive look on her face.

"Ag...uh...mf..." B sounds like he's struggling to speak.

"B, is your nose bleeding?" asks W genuinely concerned.

"No!"

"All... right... anyway, standing at about four feet and a weight no one knows, Rarity represents the Element of Generosity."

We hear sniffing sounds from B as a stat screen appears and W continues talking.

"She works as a fashion designer and shopkeeper in Ponyville. She holds her standards and outward beauty in high regard and dreams of living in Canterlot."

B seems silent today. There's an awkward pause before W just keeps on going.

"As a unicorn, Rarity can perform basic levitation and object manipulation magic. Her unique magic revolves around her ability to apply clothes to a pony with just a flash of light and her ability to find valuable gems wherever they are."

There's still no word from B.

"With her high standards comes Rarity's tendency to get caught up with attention to detail. She cannot stand anything messy, wet, dirty, out-of-place, or impolite. She also has difficulties dealing with familial situations, often upsetting or arguing with her sister Sweetie Belle."

Why doesn't B say anything?

"Although she tends to have the most maturity of her peers, Rarity is far from being a helpless damsel in distress. Using her sophisticated vocabulary and her open-ended complaints, she was able to manipulate a pack of Diamond Dogs and managed to take their entire stash of gems away from them."

"All right. I'm back from the bathroom."

"..."

"What?"

"N-nothing."

A dramatic cut scene complete with blue back lights shows Rarity saying, "As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sister less again."

---Death Battle---

Do I even have to tell you? W says, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "Time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

An open, clean, and white hallway reminiscent of Castle Oblivion marks the stage for this battle. The combatants enter from either side of the screen, though they seem begrudging and resentful. Perfect.

"FIGHT!"

Amy pulls out her trusty Piko Piko Hammer before starting her spin dash. Oddly, Rarity's gem finding spell allows her to dodge the dash as she is dragged toward a diamond in a nearby stone cube that's about her height.

"Wait just a moment!" calls Rarity, "Why are we fighting?"

"Because," answers the pink hedgehog, "that horrible man threatened my Sonic and your good looks."

"What a preposterous yet unfortunate predicament."

"Yeah, I don't know what else to do though."

"I'm not certain but... I might have a plan." They whisper as they exchange some of the most fake punches and kicks in acting history.

"You really think that'll work?" asks Amy.

"We won't know 'til we try," says Rarity.

"All right. Let's do this!" They each race off opposite ends of the screen- wait... that wasn't supposed to happen. What's going on?

"Hey, you jerk! Let's see how you like green mane dye!" What, Amy?! Wait, no! Put that down! AAAAAAAH!

Meanwhile on the opposite side of the stage, Rarity uses her magic to maneuver the bindings of Sonic off of him.

"Thanks," he says, "You're Rainbow Dash's friend, right?"

"That I am," she beams, "You should be able to get out of here now."

"Right! Oh and tell Amy I'll catch up with her later."

"Very well, Sir Sonic."

Sonic runs off as Rarity returns to the scene.

...

Uh, hello?

A/N: Oh, hi. What's up?

Uh, yes. I was told to meet "the Director" here.

A/N: That's me. I take it you're the new narrator.

Yeah, so... uh... what is it I'm supposed to do?

A/N: Just read your scripted text as it's uploaded to your e-reader. Easy right?

All right, sure. *Ahem*.

Meanwhile, on the other set, Rarity and Amy are doing a team effort to make "the jerk" look as ridiculous yet as fabulous as possible. It's quite amusing, really. I guess you just have to be there.

"Quite amazing what one can do with just a rope and some green dye," comments the fashioner pony.

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun today," agrees Amy.

"The jerk" is currently gagged and unable to input his opinion.

"It was a pleasure working with you, Ms. Rarity."

"Likewise." They bump hoof-to-fist.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship?" questions a random announcer voice, "Again?"

---Death Battle---

B seems in a better mood, "Ah ha ha. HA HA ha ha ha!"

W is intrigued, "Wow, I had no idea they could get so creative with just one color."

"Ha ha ha. Oh-ho, my ribs. Ah ha ha ha."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Amy Rose and Rarity appear onscreen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

The screen becomes black as bold phrases pass.

You're making me angry.

...

You won't like me...

...when I'm angry.

...

...

"I'm a princess. Are you a princess too?" Augh! Where did that voice come from? *bang*

"Special thanks to the various actors who offered their voice talents for Amy and Rarity."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: I'm not sure when I decided to make this a 'joke' chapter. It just sort of started flowing out as I continued typing.
Maybe in the future, I'll do an actual battle between Amy and Rarity.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Yada yada, etc. etc.

P.S. Why don't I change the story's status from "Complete" to "Incompleted"? Well, it was initially a one-shot. Then I got inspiration for another episode. Then another. Eventually I just started writing more without pause. Technically, you could read the first chapter and get all your dose of random story-reading for the day. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure when I'm stopping. But when I do... at least it won't end on a cliff hanger.

Alpha vs. Gamma

A/N: Well, it's time to pit what I know vs. what I sort of know. See if you can tell the difference. Scratch that, we all know what I only sort of know. *cough* I didn't read the comics. *cough*

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (11)

---Death Battle---

So, this is the narrator's chair. Huh. I think I might like this job.

Various power houses be they physical or authoritative take the screen.

B declares, "It's time to answer the age-old question: can any man defeat God?"

W opens, "Bruce Banner the Hulk will face the formidable but compassionate Princess Celestia."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A picture of a man in a lab coat appears briefly on screen before being replaced by a green-skinned muscular figure.

"After an accident with an explosion of gamma radiation, Dr. Bruce Banner became the unwilling superhuman known as the Incredible Hulk," introduces W.

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "I didn't know gamma rays worked like steroids." Various screens filled with facts and figures appear on the right side of the screen as W continues talking.

"The Hulk's transformation is literally triggered by emotion. When his rage or fear has broken stretchable limits, he gains size, strength, and his green hue. The mutation boosts not only his strength but also his speed, stamina, durability, and leaping ability."

"He's a freaking beast!"

"He also has immunity to diseases, viruses, and mind control. His fast regenerative healing factor helps him withstand several missile blasts and gun power."

"If only the U.S. armed forces would stop wasting funds trying to kill this guy."

"Out of the guise of the Hulk, Dr. Banner has developed expertise in biology, chemistry, physiology, engineering, and a Ph.D. in nuclear physics. His self-labeled "Bannertech" rivals the technological developments from Tony Stark and Doctor Doom."

"Brains and brawn, hell yeah!"

The screen shows the Hulk shouting, "Now Hulk will smash other Illuminati," as he lifts a strip of earth and flings it off screen.

---Death Battle---

A beautiful, majestic, all-powerful, all-knowing, regal, glorious, fantastic, royal, stupendous, magnificent, benevolent,...

A/N: Psst. You're laying on the adjectives just a tad thick.

Oh, gosh sorry. I meant to say a tall, off-white alicorn pony wearing a golden tiara takes the screen. Well, she doesn't literally take it but... oh, you know what I mean.

"Princess Celestia acts as the primary monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "She holds the power to raise and lower the sun each day. Should her sister Luna become indisposed, she can also move the moon in a similar fashion."

"She's not hot pink like her doll counterpart," points out B, "...not that... I would know." Stats appear as W continues the discussion.

"As an alicorn pony, she has enhanced strength, flight, and magic capabilities. Her versatility in magic includes teleportation, levitation, celestial body movement, vocal enhancement, enchantment reversal, and beams of magic."

"It seems everybody in Equestria and other regions thinks that Celestia is a fearful, cruel, and unforgiving tyrant. But she's proven that false time and time again."

"She's acquitted cases as severe as theft, child stalking, and disturbing the peace on many occasions. She enjoys a good prank every once in a while and tries to let her subjects act casually despite her being royalty."

"Maybe they're still worried about that whole 'you banished your own sister to the moon' thing."

"True, Celestia did banish her dark and possessed sister into the moon for a thousand years, but that was only possible through the use of the Elements of Harmony. She no longer has a connection to the physical Elements and cannot use their power directly."

"Which is why she called in six crazy ponies to do her work for her."

"While Celestia is considered a goddess by many, she is not invincible. Should an outsider gather enough magical energy, she can easily be overcome by the resulting duel."

"A spawn of hell overcomes god? Now where have I heard that before?" A flashback to the comic of Spawn beating up a nanny god fills the screen before B says, "Nope, I can't remember."

"She also acts as a personal mentor for Twilight Sparkle."

"Mentor of what? How to be a trolling molester?"

"B! That's not true!"

"I'm clever!"

A scene depicting Celestia in a motherly kind of frame shows her saying, "You are a wonderful student. I don't have to get a letter every week to know that."

---Death Battle---

W concludes, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "Hold up, W. I got to go buy me some gamma-radiated steroids."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Screw Attack!"

---Death Battle---

A screen shot of screwattack.com appears on screen.

"At Screw Attack's website, you can find all of the previous episodes of Death Battle plus lots of other great video game content."

"And you can get extra goodies for signing up for the low-cost advantage program. In Death Battle's case, gag reels and early access to new episodes will be available."

"What are you waiting for? An invitation? Oh, that's right. It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

A rather cartoonish, green hill zone marks the premise of this episode's battle. A massive green giant slams the ground from above causing small fault lines to be seen. The Hulk growls in anger and rage. From the right side of the screen, we see the alicorn combatant slowly flying in. She makes a more graceful landing and has a sad smile on her face.

"FIGHT!"

"Forgive me," whispers Celestia as she fires a yellow beam of magical light against her opponent. While it does connect, it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. In fact, the only result is a slightly more angry man. This leads to another growl of anger.

"RAAAARGH!" yells the Hulk. He lifts a patch of earth and smashes it down to cause a sort of rock wave. Before the wave comes anywhere near her, Celestia manages to fly out of the way with a few flaps from her wings. The princess then proceeds to use her magic to levitate some of the unearthed boulders. These rocks are sent flying toward the enemy.

A few of his powerful punches quickly transform the boulders into dust and rubble. Celestia alters her magical grab and aims it towards the sun. Fires start raining from the sky as miniature solar flares. They start rocketing towards the Hulk. Although they appear to force him back a few feet, he doesn't seem to be any worse for wear, aside from an increasing temper.

The Hulk decides to jump to the Princess's height for some closer combat. However, somewhere along the way, Celestia manages to grab him in a telekinetic hold, stopping him from rising any higher. She looks like she is straining and beads of sweat are dripping from her head. She can't do much with her levitating hold and ends up just letting the Hulk fall to the ground from gravity. The impact from the fall does not have any visible effect on him.

Celestia is looking more fatigued than ever and her position in the air starts to descend. Hulk tries another jump at her. This time he catches the alicorn off guard in his grip. As they both fall to the ground, he positions her in a way that she gets slammed into the grass.

"Pony try to hurt Hulk! Hulk smash pony!" yells the green giant. He then lets loose a few punches on the Princess lying on the ground. A few X-ray shots reveal that some bones that should not be breaking are getting broken. From the third punch onwards, she's coughing up blood.

It's now or never. Just as Hulk raises both of his fists for a finishing blow, Celestia disappears in a glow of golden light. She had no chance of victory left.

Despite his apparent victory, the Hulk decides to lift another patch of earth in rage. This rock wave flips the camera man flat on his back. We're left with a screen shot of the open, blue sky.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Where is your god?!" shouts B in a mocking, rhetorical fashion. A stat screen regarding the events of the battle appears while W takes the floor, I mean starts speaking.

"The magic that Celestia is capable of is quite awe-inspiring. But her lack of violent tendencies gave her a disadvantage against an enemy that wanted nothing but destruction. Remember, she's not invincible and although her attacks may have actually caused some damage to the Hulk, his fast-regenerating factor made nearly all of that damage moot."

"This battle lasted almost 2 minutes. Darn. Now I owe somebody $5 on a bet."

"The winner is the Hulk." A picture of the large green mutant appears on screen with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits play with the usual closing theme for Death Battle episodes.

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: Honestly, I was trying to think of a way that Celestia could win but... I couldn't really think of anything at her disposal that wouldn't also destroy herself. (Be it a sun impact or a moon impact with Earth and that wasn't going to happen.)
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Feel free to leave ideas even though I might not do all of them.
Later days.

I don't think this is a good idea...(this chapter may get deleted in the future)

A/N: Warning! The following chapter may be OOC. It is not meant to be read by people with heart failures, women that are pregnant, or may become pregnant. Viewer discretion is advised.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Shigesato Itoi.

So, who's fighting in today's episode?

A/N: Well, I know for a fact the draconequus is coming back to life.

Oh...

A/N: And he's going to be fighting an...entity that supposedly attacks with... evil?

...what.

A/N: Yeah, I don't get it either.

---The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (12?)---

---Death Battle---

Various evil masterminds and insane characters cross the screen.

W opens, "Today, the master of Chaos will fight the master of Evil."

B is enthusiastic, "All right! Finally, I get to watch the devil fight with Kefka."

"What? No, it's going to be Discord vs. Giygas from Mother."

"Who from what?"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

I loathe this chimera. I really do.

A/N: You and me both, narrator.

"Day-um, you ugly!" kids B.

"We've briefly covered Discord's abilities in his last battle," says W, "But now it's time to review. He ruled over Equestria in unrest and unhappiness using nothing but the Chaos in his claws."

"Basically, whatever he wants to happen can happen."

"The only weapons known to at least quarantine Discord are the Elements of Harmony, which require all the ponies connected to them in order to be used."

"This draconequus can mess with physics, depth, rules,... hell everything."

"Game's over, my little ponies," declares Discord in his cut scene.

---Death Battle---

Sweet mother of sanity! What is that thing?

"What am I looking at?" asks B.

"Giygas is considered the master of evil and can slowly deplete his enemy's health simply by looking at them and typing evil text messages," says W.

"It looks like a... a... fetus."

"And that's about all that Wikipedia knows about him too, besides the fact that he was designed in the image of a rape scene."

"Is this even a Death Battle episode?"

"It hurts, Ness..." reads a message from a quick visual of the... starman? Is that really what it says he is?

A/N: I'm afraid so.

But... that's a power up that Mario uses in his games all the time.

A/N: I know.

...ew.

---Death Battle---

W announces, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B holds his peace.

"No ads this time?"

"Not this time W. It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

It appears that Discord is in some weird factory plant of sorts.

Discord sighs, "Can't that hedgehog take a joke?" Like anyone could really take Discord's humor seriously.

"Hey! I heard that!"

What? Ugh, never mind. The scene rapidly changes as fast as Discord's imagination, actually faster.

"What's going on?" he demands. The screen goes black before a red face in the middle of a red oval shape appears.

"And just who are you supposed to be?" asks the chimera. The ovary refuses to answer.

"FIGHT!"

The red fetus known as Giygas gazes at Discord. A random number "999" to the right of a random "HP" starts dropping one increment every half second.

"What's this?" questions the draconequus. He snaps his eagle claws and the "MP" is replaced with the "HP". Now the number starts dropping from "9999". This time it drops 500 every third of a second.

"What is going on? I'm the only one that's not allowed to make sense."

Immediately, the "HP gauge" drops to "0" and Discord is lying unconscious. The director presses the "Abort" button.

A/N: *Presses Abort!*

Giygas immediately drops dead.

Wait... how can you have instant death traps in your control room?

A/N: Because I'm not letting my story's universe get destroyed by something that hasn't even been born yet.

...Well, if you say so.

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B looks confused, "What the hell just happened?"

W looks just as confused, "I have no idea."

The stat screen is also confused about the events that just transpired.

"The winner is..."

"No one."

"So, I guess it's a draw." Pictures of either contestant are on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

A/N: Seriously, what the heck does a Giygas' attack even look like? I don't get it.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. This chapter may as well get deleted in the near future.

Strength and Discipline

A/N: WARNING: This chapter may not be as serious as some of my more serious chapters. If you wish to avoid an embarrassing read, I'd suggest looking away now to avoid discomfort.
I'm serious. The non-canon of this chapter could potentially cause motion sickness.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lemon Demon, and other outside parties.

(Eh, I just wanted an excuse to use all of the main six characters in this particular work of fan fiction.)

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (13)

---Death Battle---

Is this for real? Is she really going to fight... him?

Symbols of trust and honor are shown on the screen, one after the other.

B opens up, "I don't think anyone saw this one coming. Unless of course they saw our preview (which we never made), in which case, congratulations! You're ahead of the pack."

W reads, "Today, our two challengers come from backgrounds worthy of pride, honor, and genuine bragging rights."

"Applejack of the G4 earth ponies will face off against one of my personal favorite competitors: Chuck Norris!"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts and reveals an image of an orange earth pony with a blonde mane and a stetson hat.

"We're still putting ponies in these fights?" asks B, "They haven't been doing so well in performance recently." Indeed, the fights regarding Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle did not end in their favor.

B is completely ignored by W who says, "Applejack is a proud member of the Apple family in charge of much of the labor and business of Sweet Apple Acres. She represents the Element of Honesty and always appreciates the fruits of hard work."

"Heh heh," mutters B, "He said hard." Stats appear on screen as W continues.

"As an earth pony, she's naturally strong physically. She can dislodge an entire tree of its apples simply by bucking it."

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Geez, does he act this immature normally?

A/N: I'm afraid so. Just roll with it.

O... kay. Anyway, W continues, "Applejack has strong roots in country living. She always prefers getting down and dirty when tackling problems rather than trying to maintain outside appearances."

"Ha ha ha, 'down and dirty'? Ha ha ha ha!"

"She is also considered one of Ponyville's best athletes. She won five of the Iron Pony Competition's events without breaking a sweat. It forced Rainbow Dash into a cheating corner for the rest of the competition."

"Pfft, heh heh heh. Sorry, I've got the giggles."

"Her other skills include animal herding, pastry baking, and helping other ponies in need. Often considered the most dependable pony, she even received an award for being the most loyal pony for steering a stampede of cattle away from the town."

"Wait, what?"

"Sometimes her pride gets the better of her and she'll resort to lying to herself and others to avoid painful mistakes."

"Meh, no one's perfect."

"Her arsenal consists of a lasso, apples, apple juice, and a single apple pie in her apple designed saddle bag."

"Wait, those are weapons?"

"She's capable of tossing an entire hay bale several feet using just the muscles from her jaw and neck."

"Are these the jaws of life?"

A cut scene shows Applejack telling her brother, "Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddle the issue."

---Death Battle---

A picture of a Caucasian man with a full face-beard and a look of authority appears after the title card separates.

"Introducing," announces B, "The man that monsters look under their bed for, the one that vampires hide their necks from, the man who werewolves fear will bite them. It's Chuck *eff*ing Norris!"

A stat screen appears as W offers backstory, "Also known as Carlos Ray Norris, Chuck is an actor and an American martial artist. He has founded Chun Kuk Do, a school of martial arts combining the Korean style of Tang Soo Do with elements from several other combat styles. It has a code of honor that aims for greater achievements and tries to help others succeed."

"This guy gives Bruce Lee a run for his money."

"He has earned a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and has carried the title of Walker, the Texas Ranger."

"He's so freaking powerful, that Indiana Jones and Batman didn't stand a chance. It takes the combined efforts of Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, the black knight, Benito Mussolini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambie the genie, Robocop, Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, the Power Rangers, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Dr. Octopus, and Hulk Hogan to kick his *ss. The only one surviving after that mess is Mr. Rogers all covered in blood. Whew."

"And Chuck is politically conservative."

"Who needs liberal words when their fists and feet can do all the talking they'll ever need?"

Chuck Norris flatly states to the camera, "Violence is my last option."

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "Kick her butt, Chuck!"

"What?"

"I mean... let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts and we see a rather large field of apple trees. These aren't quite as cartoonish as those of Sweet Apple Acres, but they're not exactly 3D either. The skies are partly cloudy today.

The camera pans around and we find Applejack and Chuck Norris all ready to go. She paws the ground with her front right hoof while he calmly holds his fists in front of him. There won't be any signs of cheap tricks here.

"FIGHT!"

Applejack makes the first charge. Chuck leaps out of the way and Applejack's kick instead goes into the tree. Several apples are dislocated and fall to the grass below.

Chuck's martial arts training is apparent in the pattern of punches and kicks he throws at the orange pony. She recoils slightly but then charges back in with a few headbutts and whips from her tail. Now they seem to be evenly matched, though perhaps Norris is simply shadowboxing while Applejack warms up.

In any case, neither fighter is showing any lasting pain or decisive edge.

...

They're still going at it. It's more fun watching then it is describing.

A/N: Narrator! Focus!

Right, right, sorry. Oh! It looks like Chuck is the first to break away from the exchange of punches. He somehow jumps all the way to the top of one of the trees. Applejack, being a straightforward quick problem-solver, runs up to that particular tree and bucks it. Before the apples have a chance to fall, Chuck jumps to the next tree over. The farmer pony proceeds to charge and buck that tree. Chuck jumps again. This keeps happening a few times over.

Finally, it seems Chuck has had enough tree-hopping and jumps down back to the ground a few feet away from where Applejack bucked last. She also changes her strategy and pulls out her trusty lasso. After swinging it around a few times, she tosses it at the man. For a second, he appears to be ensnared, only to snap free of it with his sheer manliness.

Applejack pulls out a couple of her apples and kicks them at Norris. He easily turns them to mush with his roundhouse kick. The farmer pony takes this time to pull out one of her juice bottles and takes a swig. She spits the empty bottle to her right, then charges at the man again.

They both take a running leap at each other. The slow motion camera decides to take effect here and it seems like they're suspended in the air. As they collide, the camera resumes normal speed.

A dust cloud forms around the combatants as sounds of hits and kicks are still audible. This takes place for a few seconds. As the dust clears, a faint outline shows the winner standing with one foot on the opponent lying on his back.

An off-screen referee counts, "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!" An off-screen bell rings.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"What?" asks a shocked B, "NOOOOO!"

"Chuck Norris had a clear advantage early on," reflects W, "He even seemed to be toying with Applejack when she started giving it her all in hand-to-hoof combat. He has a very patient attitude where Applejack was in a hurry to finish the job. However, remember that Applejack's neck alone can produce the Newtons per meter necessary to lift and toss a hay bale that can be as heavy as 130 pounds. She wasn't going to be fragile in this fight, even when facing the greatest man to ever live."

"Somebody just shoot me now."

"The winner is Applejack." A closing picture of Applejack appears with her name boldly written underneath her.

---Death Battle---

The credits roll as our hosts thank the audience for watching.

A/N: I can be fairly certain that at least one comment directed toward this chapter will be negative despite my warning in the first author's note in this chapter. Oh, well. I'll live.

Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Applejack is best pony. FLAME SHIELDS UP!

...

The sky holds a blue, dusky aura. A campfire is crackling. An empty pie plate rests a few feet away from it. Two shadow-outlined figures are resting on log seats on opposite sides of the fire.

"Why'd you let me win?" asks the shorter figure.

"Two reasons," replies the taller figure, "One, I believe that people should all feel worthwhile. Two, I believe that the success of others is just as important as my own."

"Hm," hummed the first figure. It let a smile across its face.

"Well then, thank you," it says.

"You're welcome," says the taller figure as it slowly gets up and walks away.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I was reminded of a lesson that needed a little reviewing.
See, winning isn't everything, even to a guy or girl that's capable of doing so all the time.
It's important to stick your neck out there for others and help them realize that their worth
is just as important in the world as your own.

Signed,
Your loyal subject
Applejack

P.S. I'll be sending you a piece of apple cake to enjoy while you recover from your injuries.

---Death Battle---

Magic Must Defeat Magic

A/N: Well, I had been thinking something along the lines of this chapter's match up anyway. Since someone suggested it, I thought I might as well implement the idea.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack and Warner Bros.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (14)

---Death Battle---

I call magical duel!

Various magicians, wizards, witches, and sorcerers flash by the screen.

W declares, "Magic, the unusual power of the imagined world. It leaves itself as the answer to many unexplained phenomena."

B announces, "And for this battle, we're taking two of them from the loser's circle."

"Harry Potter the wizard of Hogwarts will face off against Twilight Sparkle of the School for Gifted Unicorns."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to reveal a young-faced wizard with glasses and a visible scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"As we described in his battle with Luke Skywalker," starts W, "Harry Potter is an orphaned wizard who was taken into custody by his aunt and uncle until he was old enough to train under Professor Dumbledore in the ways of magic."

"But for those of you that missed his death by shoto-saber," says B, "let's do a recap." Stats appear as W takes the floor.

"Harry wields an 11 inch Phoenix core Holly wand allowing him to cast most of his spells. He also carries an invisibility cloak and rides Firebolt, a wizard's broomstick capable of reaching speeds of 150 miles per hour in less than 10 seconds."

"His trademark attack is the disarming charm Expellerdactyl."

"Expelliarmus."

"Which knocks an enemy's weapon away or sends the enemy flying."

"The Confundo charm confuses the target, Stupefy stuns them, Rictusempra tickles the opponent, Protego protects against enemy attacks, and Accio summons whatever object he has in mind."

"I still can't get that one to work."

"Harry is also proficient in curses. He can cause pain with Crucio, destroy objects with Reducto, control minds with Imperio, and slash enemies with Sectumsempra."

"Acquired through a book owned by the Half-Blood Prince."

"It is implied that he knows the instant death curse Avada Kedavra, though it can be blocked with just about anything. Also, Harry can teleport with apparition and he's pretty handy with non-verbal spells. His occlumency training helps protect him from mental attacks and illusions."

"And don't forget his young age accomplishments, including all that wasting of Death Eater *ss."

A scene in Professor Lupin's office shows Harry casting, "Expecto Patronum!" for the first time.

---Death Battle---

The picture behind the title card is an image of a familiar lavender unicorn pony sitting and reading.

W begins, "We briefly talked about Twilight Sparkle in her last Death Battle, but there's plenty more to discuss."

B interrupts, "Yeah, this a complicated case. Braniacs usually are, like W here."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't here that," W mutters as a stat screen appears, "Twilight Sparkle was raised in Canterlot by her parents until she began her studies under Princess Celestia in the ways of advanced magic. She has mastered teleportation, object conjuration, levitation, illumination, magic shields, and wind manipulation. It is also worth noting that she can copy spells cast by others after studying them intently the first time she sees them."

"Like when she copied Rarity's gem-finding spell."

"One of Twilight's few offensive capabilities is her magenta magic bolt which can be charged for a long-lasting beam or be fired rapidly in short bursts."

"It's good for destroying rocks and knocking enemies back."

"When she combines the Element of Magic with the other 5 Elements of Harmony, she can free ponies from their darkness or turn chaotic entities to stone. But she cannot do so alone."

"And in one-on-one Death Battles, we don't allow help from friends."

"She's managed to overcome several daunting tasks for pony kind and keeps her life on a relatively scheduled pace."

"Though, for some reason the memory of magic kindergarten still frightens her."

"Even so, she'll never give up the opportunity to learn about friendship."

A scene shows Twilight shouting, "PINKIE!" before she falls onto the ground on her back.

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B adds, "And to make things more interesting, I've let loose a few monsters from the two worlds."

"What?"

"Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The scene changes to a dark-wooded area. Both combatants are walking in from either side of the screen. Twilight currently has her horn lit up while Harry has his wand lit up with Lumos. As with most Death Battles, combatants will have their initial reasoning removed and first attacks will happen without question.

"FIGHT!"

"Rictusempra!" yells Harry. The sort of purple spell hits the unicorn and she falls over laughing.

"Stupefy!" Harry calls out. The transparent bolt hits Twilight and she gets slammed into a tree, no longer laughing. Rather, she grunts in pain. Shaking off her dumbfounded state, she charges her horn and releases a few magenta magic bolts. Harry counters with a quick Protego and a volley of non-verbal spells.

A low howl interrupts their magical duel. The combatants each turn their heads toward where the sound is coming from. It appears the commotion has attracted a pack of wolves made from twigs and lumber. These are the timber wolves. They growl at the sight of two sources of prey. Without warning, they start leaping toward Harry and Twilight.

"Incendio!" yells the boy wizard. The wolf closest to him catches on fire and starts to break apart. The only signs of a corpse are burning timber. Losing interest in the boy who made fire, the rest of the pack starts charging toward the unicorn. She manages to hold them off with a pink magical bubble surrounding herself. Though, it's going to be impossible for her to hold that concentration indefinitely.

A barrage of Incendio spells makes quick work of the remaining wolves. It seems Harry is more interested in removing this new threat rather than his original target. As the last timber wolf burns to ashes, Twilight notices and lets go of her shield. It disappears as she smiles graciously at the guy who just saved her.

Before any touchy moments can take place, a new moaning sound fills the air. Several ghost-like figures glide down through the woods and form frost on the trees that they pass. It seems Dementors have been attracted to the battle as well. As one of them passes Harry, it starts to breathe in emotional essence from him.

The scream of his dying mother fills his ears.

As Harry struggles to maintain his grip on the present, other Dementors start hovering by Twilight. They start breathing and absorbing her positive emotions too, leaving her to relive miserable moments of her life.

"With friends like you, who needs... enemies?"

She's taking it worse than Harry, as her training with mental defense isn't as perfected. Harry, however, manages to stand tall and recalls a happier moment.

He talks with his parents... about everything and nothing. It's more of a fantasy, but he's happy nonetheless.

"Expecto Patronum!" he yells as a curtain of white magic starts deflecting Dementors away from him. He uses his Apparition technique to temporarily leave existence. He reappears beside Twilight. He casts his Patronus charm again. Unfortunately, it seems that there are at least a hundred more Dementors still hungry for soul energy.

Meanwhile, Twilight's silently been observing Harry's use of white magic. With a nod of new determination, she starts concentrating magic of a different variety than her usual blasts. Her thoughts recall a moment of joy.

"What's going on?" asks Rainbow Dash, "Did we stop Discord? What happened to Ponyville?" Twilight and her friends all join together for a group hug assuring Rainbow that they're all okay.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. At least that seems to be the mutual feeling between wizard and unicorn right now. Armed with a new spell, Twilight joins her force with Harry's.

"Expecto Patronum!" they yell simultaneously. A pale white stag appears in front of Harry and a pale white phoenix appears in front of Twilight. Both luminescent figures then disappear before a rather wide curtain of white magic flashes across the screen blasting away Dementors in a Team Rocket fashion complete with stars twinkling in the distant sky.

Both combatants breathe heavily and collapse from exhaustion. Safe for the moment, they lay down to rest.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

---Death Battle---

"Dang," says B, "That was intense magic."

"While Harry was able to catch Twilight off guard with an initiative attack," reflects W, "she wasn't to be taken lightly. She even mastered the Patronus charm on her first attempt. However, their alliance against a double threat by the foreign prevented any chance of there being a victor."

"You're welcome."

"This Death Battle is a draw." A picture of both challengers appears with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Words appear on the screen without a voice source.

...

We hunt for gems.

...

...but now we hunt...

...for you!

...

"Is that an 'any' key? It's an 'any' key. Holy crap."

---Death Battle---

A/N: Was there ever any doubt? I don't want to kill either of them. At least not yet.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. So long.

You're Dead, Miner!

A/N: Okay, so I wasn't really sure how to include three gunmen without sounding tedious. It's a "man vs. the world" kind of battle. Get ready for the onslaught.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and THQ.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (15)

---Death Battle---

Man, I'm not sure which side I should feel more sorry for.

The screen shows various snap shots of fighters with odds stacked against them, as if they were taking on the world.

B shouts, "Woo-hoo! I've been waiting for another gun fight since forever."

W states, "This time we're taking a lone soldier of space and putting him to the test against an army of Equestria's least favorite antagonists. Parker the surviving miner of the Red Faction will face the entire pack of Diamond Dogs."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The screen parts to reveal a rather frustrated man in a red space suit.

"Taking any chance to avoid being forced to attend Harvard by his parents," starts W, "Parker found the closest Ultor Corporation office and flew to Mars to join the mining colony."

"College versus mining," comments B, "Easy choice, right?"

"But not all was as it seemed and Parker quickly found himself caught in the middle of a Red Faction rebellion. With the guidance of a technician named Hendrix, Parker took up arms and fought against Ultor military and monsters created by Dr. Capek's nano-technology. After Hendrix died, Parker confronted the mercenary leader Masako and disarmed a bomb before Earth's Defense Force finally arrived."

"Still beats college life marginally."

"Parker wears the envirosuit, a suit specifically designed to protect against Mars' harsh climates. It allows Parker to breathe in space and under water, resist cold temperatures, and take more bullet damage than normal armor."

"He carries a large arsenal of weapons. Some of which include a USP-16 pistol, a UBS-4 riot shield, a UCB-24 control baton, a UAP 32/20 sub machine gun, a UAS-18 shotgun, a UAR-42 assault rifle, a UFT-1 flame thrower, a UHG-90 hand grenade, a URC-15 remote charge, a URL-6T rocket launcher, a JF60 heavy suppression machine gun, an MK-SG-1 precision rifle, a USG-50 sniper rifle, an FCA-26 rail driver, and an F-1TL fusion rocket launcher. He can surprisingly carry all of his weapons at once."

"Parker isn't too shabby with driving various vehicles on Mars. He can drive jeeps, submarines, helicopters, and fighter aircraft."

"He was Gordon Freeman before Half-Life was cool."

A cut scene reveals Parker complaining, "I haven't had a moment to myself since I got here."

---Death Battle---

A picture of 3 rather ugly designed canines takes the screen.

"Diamond Dogs was a concept album design by David Bowie in 1974," says B.

"Actually, B," corrects W, "We're talking about the Diamond Dogs from the Equestrian underground mines."

"What?"

"Led by Spot, Rover, and Fido, the Diamond Dogs find a fancy in searching their system of underground mines for precious gems and jewels. Aside from the leaders who wear no protection save for diamond-studded collars and red vests, each of the diamond dogs wears metal armor and carries a metal lance."

"Yeah, there's not much else to say in the ways of attack, unless you include that their claws can dig through all kinds of rock regardless of hardness level."

"The Diamond Dogs also seem to have access to rusty harnesses, mining carts, and rope. The leader Rover carries a dog whistle that he can use to summon the lesser Diamond Dogs."

"Seriously, these guys are enemies?"

"While they were successful at kidnapping Rarity and blocking their access tunnels in mere seconds, their weakness lied in their sensitive hearing. A combination of complaints and whining left them helpless against Rarity's specific needs and desires causing them to lose nearly all of their hoard."

"So remember: to beat mutant dogs, you must cry like a b***h."

The last scene before the title card shows Rover asking, "Smell?" before Rarity says, "Ah, mystery solved. It's your breath."

---Death Battle---

W concludes, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B declares, "It's time for a massacre Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The setting for this battle is a very large underground cave that seems to be made from mostly red rock. It's surprisingly well-lit. A man in a red envirosuit walks in from the right as the camera pans left to see three anthro canines wearing red vests and diamond studded collars.

"FIGHT!"

"You are one ugly son of a b***h!" declares the miner. He's deliberately vague about the dog to which he's referring.

"Unleash the hounds!" yells Rover as he pulls out a dog whistle and blows. Various barks and howls are heard as hundreds of armored dogs run in from several passageways.

"So many guns, I'm not sure which one to kill you with," ponders Parker, "Oh, I'll use this one." He pulls out his assault rifle. He lets out a barrage of gunshots. Conveniently, they all hit the unarmored skin of the Diamond dog underlings. Wow, look at that blood flying. I didn't think dogs had that much blood.

The Red miner takes a moment to reload and switch out for his sub machine gun. More bullets fly and more Diamond Dogs come in through the various tunnels. Dang, this is really an unfair battle. It's like the dogs are all running to the slaughter house. Just look at that blood painting the floor in more red than the rock was already. He switches out for his flamethrower as some of the dogs suddenly develop common sense and start running away into the maze.

"Oh, what a pussy," comments Parker, "Stop running away." He chases after one of the larger groups and burns some of them to a crisp while taking out a few others with his rail gun.

"What nerve," he says, "they had me outnumbered." He keeps wandering the labyrinth of tunnels. Every time a group of Diamond Dogs comes out of hiding, he sicks them with his machine gun bullets. For single dogs that come around tight corners, he relies on shotgun pellets.

"This place is like a labyrinth," notes Parker, "only there's no David Bowie in the center." Some of the dogs start running toward more specific areas of the tunnel maze. Parker tosses a few remote charges and hand grenades that blow them to ugly pieces of armor and dog meat.

"Dogs, zero. Parker, oh... about a hundred by now," he tallies. One of the dogs braves throwing a lance, but Parker manages to deflect it with his UBS-4 riot shield. He uses a sniper round on that particular dog. His trek takes him to the center of the maze where the last remaining 3 Diamond Dogs remain.

With nary a thought, he pulls out his rocket launcher. The huddled dog leaders are an easy target for the blast. The rocket leaves a bit of a smoky trail before impact. The floor is covered with debris and blood after the explosion. Parker takes out his pistol and then looks around disappointed. It seems there aren't any more enemies to shoot.

"Aw, why'd you have to go and die?" he complains, "Now who am I going show up with my pistol skills?"

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Dang," says B, "I don't think we've ever made such a lop-sided Death Battle before."

"The Diamond Dogs' inferior battle experience made them sitting ducks for the life experience that Parker had. His versatile weaponry easily destroyed every one of the dogs in that maze. Despite the fact that the Diamond Dogs had experience living underground, Parker had that knowledge and then some."

"P.E.T.A.'s going to sue."

"The winner is Parker." His picture shows up on screen with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Special thanks to emperorpsymon for providing the voice of Parker."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: Go watch Parker's Mind by emperorpsymon on Youtube. It's freaking hilarious.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. That enough bloodshed for you? Because there's more on the way.

Ego vs. Electro

A/N: I may regret doing this. I felt kind of guilty making a character overpowered in a previous chapter (Talk the Talk), but is this really redemption? Or is this the compilation of sick thoughts that exist in my subconscious mind? I don't know anymore.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (16)

---Death Battle---

I'm going to say this right now: overkill. That is all.

Today's introductory pictures consist of the people and characters who believe without any doubt that they are the best and that everyone else is inferior.

W states, "Today, we're pitting together minds that believe that they are without equal."

B declares, "Larxene the Savage Nymph will take on past Death Battle champion, Trixie Lulamoon."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The screen parts to reveal a tall blonde with green eyes and a black cloak. Her smile is devious.

"As the only female member of Organization XIII," begins W, "Larxene is rather vicious and cold blooded."

"Kind of different from your typical dumb blonde," comments B. Various facts and figures appear on the right-hand side of the screen as W continues talking.

"Larxene is capable of manipulating lightning in a variety of quick and painful strikes. It's accentuated by her use of electric throwing knives called Foudre. They resemble kunai, a multipurpose weapon commonly used by ninjas."

"Her pattern of attack consists of a barrage of quick jabs, kicks, and teleports, which can sometimes yield the illusion of clones all striking at once."

"This clone attack isn't without weaknesses. If an enemy is fast enough to throw her clone at the original, Larxene will temporarily be stunned and vulnerable to more damage."

"Talk about pulling yourself together."

"She has a sharp tongue and is quick to spite others including her fellow Organization members. Often she talked down to Sora and claimed that he had no heart."

"Even though she's the Nobody."

"Larxene can levitate herself and manipulate her electricity into a focused beam, which can be shot from both arms simultaneously as she spins in the center of the stage."

"You spin me right round like a record, baby."

A cut scene rolls where Larxene says, "I'm a bad guy, so you have to go through me."

---Death Battle---

A familiar blue unicorn pony wearing a purple cape and wizard's hat appears on screen.

"Good gosh!" exclaims B, "These ponies are everywhere."

"We covered Trixie and her abilities in her last battle," says W, "But let's do a little review. As a traveling, performing magician, she can create illusions, smoke effects, fireworks, and misdirection."

"Hey Miss Direction, where's your erec-"

"Anyway, her innate magic lets her form thunder clouds that release lightning and summon ropes to do her bidding. She can alter physical appearance of someone else's hair style and she can project her voice over several yards."

"Unfortunately, for this bragging performer, the Ursa Minor is a burden too heavy to bear."

"Though, she'll never lose her pride."

The review ends with a cut scene of Trixie saying, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hold up, W," calls B, "Some of these people haven't signed up for their free trial of Gamefly yet."

"What? B, we're done with those."

"And remember to drive safely without being intoxicated, or get a designated driver."

"Come on. I don't want to drive you all the time."

"Go to screwattack.com to check out a ton of video game related content. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The arena this time is a white, circular platform with a strange pattern encrusted on it. Both of our combatants today are already on it and raring to show off. The blue unicorn pony seems to have an indignant frown on her face. In contrast, the black-cloaked woman seems to be sadistically happy.

"FIGHT!"

No. XII Larxene wastes no time in charging in to attack. She lets loose a flurry of quick kicks and slashes. The Great and Powerful Trixie can't seem to find an opening and helplessly takes all of the damage. I don't think I've ever seen a pony get cut before. Now I know what it looks like with several cuts and scrapes.

The Savage Nymph seems to take a break and teleports to the other side of the platform. The show pony takes this opportunity to send her ropes after her opponent. Larxene decides to humor her and let's herself get tied up. Trixie then summons a thunder head above her opponent which lets loose a couple bolts of lightning. It doesn't faze Larxene, and in fact only seems to disintegrate the ropes. The electricity actually added strength to the Organization member.

Larxene returns the favor by sending a bunch of lightning bolts above Trixie's location. The unicorn is not so fortunate and is weakened by the electrocution. The Savage Nymph takes this time to unleash a fury of clone strikes on her enemy. Then she tosses some of her electrified throwing knives. They impale themselves into Trixie's skin. At this point, the magician is struggling to breathe and stay alive. Drips of blood start leaking out of the places where the knives made contact.

The tall blonde decides it's time to wrap things up. She teleports to the center of the stage and releases a concentrated beam of electricity. She spins around in place and the beam hits Trixie.

All that remains of the show pony is a singed hat, a singed cape, and a smoking skeleton in the shape of a pony. Larxene lets out one of the creepiest evil laughs in the world.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "That lady's a monster."

W reflects, "Larxene's superior agility and electrical prowess made her a difficult opponent. As such, Trixie's normal plan of attack was practically useless against her."

"She even tried to fight lightning with lightning, but as anyone who's played the Kingdom Hearts games can tell you, that never works."

"Larxene's cleverness and murderous nature sealed the deal."

"This battle was shocking. Heh heh."

"The winner is Larxene." A picture of Larxene appears with her name boldly printed underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Bold words cross a black screen.

Darkness...

Emptiness...

Fledgling emotions...

And devourers...

Which is the strongest?

A four-way split screen shows blacked out images of four different types of enemies. A red "vs." appears in the center of that split screen.

---Death Battle---

"Got an idea for a Death Battle? Leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching.

A/N: Good grief. I've been using a lot of Kingdom Hearts enemies, haven't I? Oh well. They're information seems to be easier to come by than some other characters.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. See you later.

Dark Battle Royale

A/N: Well, it's official. I'm going insane. Prepare for some details that will make no sense without at least some imagination.
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.
...

I'm taking a shot at the dark here.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (17)

---Death Battle---

Have we got a show for you today. Let the games begin.

Various armies of enemies take the screen.

W says, "Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed, and changelings. They plague the nightmares of Keyblade wielders and pony kind."

B adds, "And today we're pitting hoards of all four of these spawning enemies in a giant no-holds battle royale. He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Dark creatures with blank yellow eyes and various shapes fill the screen.

"The Heartless are creatures that take residence in the realm of Darkness," introduces W, "Their primal instinct sends them to attack those that have hearts and consume the hearts for energy."

As a fact screen appears, B continues, "The Heartless come in two broader categories: the Purebloods and the Emblems. The main difference is that when Emblem Heartless are defeated, they release their captive hearts. Purebloods don't."

"The sub-categories of Heartless cover a wide variety of forms and abilities. The most basic of the Pureblood Heartless are the Shadows which, as their name implies, are made of pure shadows. Other Purebloods include Possessors, Darkballs, and Neoshadows."

"The most basic Emblem Heartless are these tiny, wizard, bird things that take the names of various musical terms and use spells depending on their color."

"Red Nocturnes and Scarlet Tangos cast fire spells, Blue Rhapsodies cast blizzard, Yellow Operas cast lightning, Emerald Blues cast wind, and Green Requiems heal themselves and their allies."

"Other Emblem Heartless include Soldiers, Large Bodies, Bandits, Wyverns, Wizards, Plants, Bombs, and Crescendos."

"The Heartless in general stay in the realm of Darkness unless summoned to the realm of Light by people with Darkness in their hearts."

"So if you ever face these things, bring a flashlight... or a Keyblade."

A scene from the game Kingdom Hearts II reveals Saix saying, "The Heartless ally with whomever is the strongest."

---Death Battle---

A creature that resembles a living husk of metallic pajamas is shown on screen.

"While Heartless are beings that reside in the Darkness," says W, "the Nobodies are the body and souls that remain after their hearts are lost to darkness."

"There's a saying that Nobodies don't exist," comments B, "but that doesn't explain how they can beat the crap out of you." A stat screen appears as W continues.

"The most basic type of Nobodies are the Dusks. They are swift, agile, and more dextrous than the Shadows."

"Other Nobodies include Creepers, Sorcerers, Snipers, Berserkers, Assassins, Dragoons, Dancers, Gamblers, and Samurai."

"These lesser Nobodies often take orders from the greater Nobodies of Organization XIII. However, for the sake of this battle, the Organization will be sitting this one out."

"All of these abominations of nature will be free to roam the battle field at their leisure."

A scene reveals an image of a Dusk while Yen Sid says, "Nobodies do not truly exist at all."

---Death Battle---

A creature resembling a blue, shell-less cockroach with red eyes appears on screen.

"Those who were not well-versed in their own existence," reads W, "the Unversed are fledgling emotions that feed on negativity. Originally born when the dark-being Vanitas was separated from Ventus's heart, these monsters are physical extensions of Vanitas." Stats appear as B takes the floor.

"The most common form of Unversed are the Floods, which act and attack pretty much the same way as the Shadow Heartless, only faster."

"Other forms of Unversed include Scrappers, Bruisers, Monotruckers, Thornbites, Shoegazers, Spiderchests, Archravens, Jellyshades, Tank Topplers, Sonic Blasters, Mandrakes, Chrono Twisters, and Axe Flappers."

"Each has their own shape and attacks. The Unversed were kind of the first monsters to attack the realm of Light, even though the Heartless supposedly existed first."

"Either way, they unbalance light and darkness when they reveal themselves."

"And they die in one of my favorite ways: exploding in blue fire!"

A cut scene reveals Keyblade Master Eraqus telling his students about, "Fledging emotions that have taken monster form--Yen Sid calls them the 'Unversed'."

---Death Battle---

Black creatures that resemble insectoid alicorns are pictured on screen after the title card parts.

W introduces, "The changelings are a monstrous hive that serve their Queen Chrysalis."

B adds, "Who is now dead thanks to Shang Tsung in a previous Death Battle." He then coughs and then adds, "So they're on their own now." As a stat screen appears, W continues talking.

"Changelings are 'emotion parasites' that feed off the true love of their victims. They can alter their appearance to match whatever loved form they see."

"Also, they seem to have some wacky ability to imitate green meteor fire, which can blow craters into the earth and break magical shields simply by tackling them."

"They seem to possess an ability to form green chrysalis goo that can trap their enemies in place making them immobile."

"Except it doesn't hold too well against blasts from magic."

"Like any swarm of insects, their strength lies in their numbers."

The last cut scene shows Queen Chrysalis ordering a swarm of changelings to, "Go! Feed!"

---Death Battle---

W gives his declaration, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B shouts, "It's time for a full house monster Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

A blue, rocky valley marks the setting for this Death Battle. The valley resembles the Great Maw area in the world Radiant Garden (Hollow Bastion). Monsters of all four teams start pouring into the valley via flight, foot, wheels, and everything else that makes their travel possible. The only team with any singularity is Team changeling. Let the genocide commence.

"FIGHT!" A piano melody resembling a sinister shadow begins to play.

Heartless Shadows and Unversed Floods immediately start tackling and scratching at each other. Some of the Heartless spellcasters start shooting fire, ice, lightning, and wind into the fray. Several Floods explode into blue flames as Unversed Scrappers make quick work of the rest of the weaker Shadows. Unversed Bruisers try to jump in only to be bounced off by the slightly larger Heartless Large Bodies.

Meanwhile, the Nobody Dusks and Creepers have taken an interest in slicing and dicing the minion changelings. The alicorn bugs try to transform, but their green auras end with duds. They still hold their birth forms. The stunned shock leaves them open to Nobody Sniper fire. Huh, so that's what color changeling blood is.

Some of the back row changelings take to the skies and aim for the Heartless/Unversed quarrel. Their meteor-like smashes destroy several Heartless Armored Knights and Unversed Spiderchests. Unfortunately, this also leaves those particular changelings vulnerable to being crushed by Unversed Shoegazers and swings from Heartless Bandits.

Strangely enough, the majority of the Nobodies are holding back while the lesser Dusks handle the gist of the other three monster types that come close.

Unversed Tank Topplers roll around and explode, causing casualties to every team. Heartless Bombs try to perform the same tactic, but only end up blowing up their own allies of darkness. Unversed Archravens and Heartless Wyverns take to the sky and hack at each other. The Nobody Gamblers make quick work of the Unversed Chrono Triggers by turning them all into cards before the timers run out. These cards are demolished by various hacks and slashes from all four teams.

The remaining changelings make quick work of the frontal defense enemies by flying swiftly behind them for multiple kicks and bites. Released hearts and blue flames fill the evening sky. Another sect of the changeling swarm gets shot down by Nobody Snipers. The Unversed Jellyshades and Mandrakes are quickly depleted by Nobody Samurai and Heartless Living Bones.

Almost all of the changeling faction has been killed, severely hacked apart, or crushed unconscious. A few Plants that grew in off screen are all that's left of the Heartless. The Unversed have only two Triple Wreckers standing up for them. The Nobodies make their move.

The Berserkers start crushing. The Dancers move gracefully and kill quickly. The Assassins make little noise decapitating Plants. Four Dragoons quickly crumble the Triple Wreckers. The Dusks show no mercy to the unconscious changelings. All of the captive hearts are released. All the negative emotions are gone. All of the love suckers are finished. All that remains are the hollow empty shells.

"M-m-m-m-monster K.O! k.o. k.o..."

---Death Battle---

"What is this? I don't even," exclaims B.

"The Nobodies had a huge advantage right off the bat," reflects W, "Unlike the other monsters that fight only on instinct, Nobodies can think and plan and they didn't waste their big fighters right away. The changelings were at the largest disadvantage because there was no positive emotion on the field to feed on. Because of this, they had no way to access their trademark power of shape-shifting. The Heartless and Unversed were focused mostly on each other and didn't think about the long-term consequences of sending in their better team members right off the bat. This left an opening for the more powerful Nobodies to clean up the battlefield."

"I guess mind, body, and soul beat hatred and rage."

"The winner is Team Nobodies." A picture of one of the Dusks enters the screen with the bold word "Nobody" underneath it.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll and thanks are given for watching the show.

A/N: Epic, right? And again I find myself at writer's block for a couple other stories I was working on. Oh well. Maybe that'll be more of a summer project to tackle.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. I love Kingdom Hearts.

P.S. Who's ready to watch Raiden vs. Thor on the real Death Battle show? I'm so excited!
Edit: Dang! That was epic. I guess I should have expected that Thunder god to win.

Chapter 18: Outtakes and Shenanigans

A/N: I'm running into a bit of a mental barrier envisioning Kefka fighting in any manner besides a turn-based battle. While I try to work around that, enjoy some randomness since I have no idea what the actual Death Battle gag reels are like.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and everyone else that something belongs to.

The moment No Pony was Waiting For (Intermission)

---Death Battle---
Outtake #1: The Teleporter Belt Problem

"FIGHT!"

Deadpool tries to activate his teleporter belt. Unfortunately, he forgot that he already used it twice today. At first nothing happens. Then, he's surrounded by a yellow electrical current and he appears to fall over from dizziness.

Pinkie Pie looks at him with a confused look on her face. A question mark appears above her. Then she grabs the question mark and pokes Deadpool with it.

"Hey! Are you okay? Why are you sleeping? Silly, man. It's not nap time yet."

---Death Battle---
Outtake #2: That's No Moon...

"FIGHT!"

Saix gathers energy as he says, "Do you feel it? The moon's power!" He starts levitating as he cries, "Moon, shine down!"

A wide, white beam of light seems to flare down, causing Saix to look like a charcoal briquette in the shape of his body.
The sight is enough to make Nightmare Moon burst out laughing. She no longer feels hatred and reverts to her Princess Luna form. The Night Princess is giggling like a filly.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #3: Background Shuffle

"No," drones Discord as he snaps his fingers. The background becomes an arctic tundra.

"No," he says again. Another snap changes the setting to the Sahara desert.

"No." Snapping makes it an underwater tunnel.

"No." Another snap changes it into a picture of the director's bedroom.

A/N: What the heck? How did you get here?

"No," says the draconequus as he snaps again. The background changes to a Nascar track.

"No." The setting changes to a Star Trek spacecraft interior.

"No." He snaps again.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #4: Whoever Dealt It...

Surprisingly, Kirby unleashes 'the Stare' as well. Fluttershy's Stare and Kirby's Stare fill the air with seismic energy. The battle field starts to shake and tremble.

We pan out to the planetary camera that has the whole world in view. It starts shaking rapidly until...
A noise of flatulence is heard.

We zoom back in to the open field and see a rather brown cloud of mist floating around the area. Both combatants are coughing a lot. Phew! Since when do planets eat burritos? What a stink!

---Death Battle---
Outtake #5: I Could Go Supersonic

"Now it's time to get serious!" declares the blue hedgehog. He crosses his arms before parting them a few seconds later. The Chaos Emeralds grant him a gold quill color and red eyes.

The 7-colored pony performs a similar motion with her front hooves. Upon doing so, her mane stands up spikier than usual. Her cyan coat has turned pure white. Her eyes are golden.

"You can't go super," points out Sonic.

"I know, but that would be so awesome," breathes Rainbow Dash.

"Can't argue with that," chuckles Sonic.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #6: It's Our Job...

A blue-flame maned black unicorn states, "I'm F and she's N and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The stallion pulls out a cigarette that lights automatically when it reaches his mouth. The black alicorn filly with a purple mane and turqoise headband next to him just sits there shyly.

"Hey! Get out of our seats!" shouts B.

"You'll never take us alive!" shouts F as he grabs N and runs out laughing maniacally.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #7: Time Out For a Second...

"FIGHT!"

"Wait, time out!" shout the unicorn and Powerpuff simultaneously. They race off opposite sides of the screen.

Oh, why didn't I go before I came here? they think inside their respective portable potties.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #8: It's-a Me...

"Who goes there?" declares the sorcerer of Outworld.

"It is I, Shang Tsung!" declares the sorcerer look-alike.

"Oh, very well. Carry on."

"Thank you." The look-alike walks behind the sorcerer and punts him away. It then resumes its default form as Queen Chrysalis. She giggles quite cutely for an evil changeling.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #9: Gee, Tough Crowd

"Girls! Our comedy routine!" exclaims Applebloom.

"Huh?" say the confused two fillies. But then it hits them, "Oh!"

...

"...so I tell the guy, 'That's not a draconequus. That's my husband'," Scootaloo says the punchline. Sweetie Belle plays off the rim shot on her drums.

The opposing trio gives unamused looks.

"That wasn't funny," says Shock.

"Boo, you suck!" shouts Lock as he throws a pumpkin bomb at the crusaders. The fillies scatter as they let out a yell.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #10: Gem Spell Malfunction

Amy Rose pulls out her Piko Piko Hammer before performing a spin dash. She spins toward Rarity who can't seem to activate her gem-finding spell. The pink hedgehog crashes into the alabaster unicorn and they both go flying into the wall. After sliding to the ground, they both groan in pain.

"Suddenly, green mane hair doesn't sound so bad," mutters Rarity.

"I'm sure Sonic can take care of himself," mutters Amy.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #11: Join Me, Bruce!

Princess Celestia of Equestria starts singing a little tune.
The Hulk sings harmonies.

~(My Little Pony)
I used to wonder what friendship could be
(My Little Pony)
Until you all shared its magic with me.
Big adventure, tons of fun,
A beautiful heart, faithful and strong.
Sharing kindness, it's an easy feat.
And magic makes it all complete, yeah!
(My Little Pony)
Do you know you're all my very best friends?~

---Death Battle---
Outtake #12: It's Dangerous in There

The background turns dark and the draconequus finds himself looking at a red fetus known as Giygas.

Discord stares for a bit before snapping his fingers. He has teleported somewhere with a white background.

"I need an adult," he whimpers as he curls up in a fetal position. That position looks really weird when applied to a serpentine body.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #13: Maybe I should have held back...

The farmer pony recoils but manages to counter with a few headbutts and tail whips. Chuck may very well be shadowboxing-
*pow*. Applejack is sent flying and lands on the grass unconscious. Chuck releases a sweat drop.

"Maybe I should have held back a little," he says to himself.

---Death Battle---
Outtake #14: Tickle me Twilight

"Rictusempra!" yells Harry as he fires a translucent magic bolt at the unicorn. She falls to the ground laughing uncontrollably. She keeps doing this for at least a couple minutes.

...

It's quite amusing watching an adorkable pony giggling.

...

Heh, even Harry's wearing an amused grin on his face.

---Death Battle--
Outtake #15: We're Rolling

"Do a little dance," sings Parker. He rocks his feet back and forth.

"Break a little love." He spins around.

"Get down tonight. Doo doo doo doo. Get down tonight." He rocks his legs again.

A/N: Parker!

"What?" he says out of shock, "Were we rolling? Sorry! I thought we were on break."

---Death Battle---
Outtake #16: Wrong Set, Sora!

The Savage Nymph decides it's time to end this battle. She teleports to the center before charging up her electricity. She starts releasing an electrified cannon beam and circles around in place. The beam hits the wounded Trixie-

"Hyah! Defend!" declares the 15-year old Keyblade wielder. A white, mirror-like shield surrounds him and blocks the electric beam. The resulting aftershocks hit both Trixie and Larxene knocking them off the platform.

A/N: Sora, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on the Dream Drop Distance set.

"Oh, eh-heh," chuckles Sora nervously, "My bad." He departs.

A/N: *Sigh* Cut!

---Death Battle---
Outtake #17: Does Anyone Have a Ricola?

All four teams of monsters are set to battle.

"FIGHT!"

A loud coughing noise is heard amidst the insect-wing buzzing.

A/N: What's going on?

"Sorry," coughs Changeling #573, "I have a..." it coughs again, "...sore throat."

A/N: Cut! Someone get this guy a throat lozenge! *Sigh* The things I put up with in this gig.

---Death Battle---

"Hope you enjoyed this little break from the norm," says F.

"Th-thanks for watching, e-every pony," squeaks N.

---Death Battle---

A/N: Yeah, what they said.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. And like the great Ezio Auditore da Firenze said:
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted." Stay strong, brothers.

Bros. vs. Bros.

A/N: The folks over at Death Battle don't usually give reasons why characters they use would ever fight to the death. After all, there's no way in heck the Ninja Turtles would willingly murder each other. (Well, Raphael maybe, but certainly not Donatello.) So if you're confused as to why the four characters in this chapter would try to kill each other, that's why. With that said, let's get started.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (19)

---Death Battle---

Tricky little devil, that Kefka. Looks like he evaded my offer to fight some pony to the death again. Oh well.

Example pictures of siblings appear on screen.

W starts, "Television and video games alike have many times expressed the importance of brotherly bonds."

"Like Mario and Luigi, the Mario Brothers," says B.

"And Flim and Flam, the Flim Flam Brothers."

"Wait,... since when are ponies allowed to wear facial hair?"

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A couple of men of Italian descent appear on screen in red and green plumber outfits.

"After getting sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom during a plumbing job," introduces W, "Mario and Luigi were tasked with helping to keep Princess Toadstool AKA Peach and her kingdom safe from the evil forces of King Koopa AKA Bowser."

"What is with these characters and name changes?" asks B. Various stats appear on screen as W continues.

"The Mario Brothers are super strong, capable of destroying bricks with nothing but their fists. They can jump fairly high although Luigi's jumping ability is vastly superior to Mario's."

"And they've both survived every Mario Party game in existence. Dang, talk about guts."

"Each of the brothers has collected a vast number of power-ups over the years. The fire flower grants them pyrokinetic abilities. The ice flower grants them cryomantic abilities."

"That's fire powers and ice powers in layman's terms."

"Various shrooms grant them extra growth and abilities. Specifically, the propeller shroom grants them extra jumping height, tornado-like prowess, and drill slams."

"The starman grants them invincibility, capable of killing normal enemies just by touching them."

"And cape feathers grant them indefinite flight."

"One of the more recent power-ups that have turned up is the blue Koopa shell, granting them the same invulnerability of any other Koopa in its shell."

"Though, this has allowed them to hit far-off switches and item boxes that were otherwise unobtainable."

"By the way, why are they called the Mario Brothers? I mean sure, Mario's the older one but..."

"It's because Mario is their last name."

"What? What kind of parent uses their last name to name their child? That's just lazy."

A scene where both Mario and Luigi are standing on a superstar winner's circle shows them saying, "I'm a superstar!"

---Death Battle---

The picture on the screen depicts two cartoon stallions with off-white coats and manes that resemble bacon colors. The one on the left has a red mustache.

"Under the guise of the Flim Flam brothers," introduces W, "Flim and Flam hold occupations as traveling entrepreneurs."

"You cannot tell me that their last name is Flim Flam," comments B skeptically.

"Actually, B, they don't have a last name."

"...what." Stats appear to the right of the screen as W continues talking.

"The Flim Flam brothers are unicorn ponies meaning they have magical abilities. They can use levitation as well as a sort of magical to electrical spell. They use this spell to power their mode of transport and their primary, technological production: the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. This machine/vehicle is strong enough to topple fences and is taller than five ponies put together. It has a vacuum tube that can suck apples right off the trees and turn them into barrels of, quote unquote, "grade A cider"."

"That ain't how cider works where I come from."

"How fast this process takes depends on how much magic the brothers are willing to turn into electrical power. However, if the machine sucks in anything but top quality apples, such as rocks; debris; branches; and rotten apples, it will reject the items and slow down actual cider output."

"Unless they turn off quality control, which is the stupidest marketing tactic ever."

"And due to a recent mishap with just that tactic, their cider sales are no longer welcome in Ponyville."

"Still, I got to give them props for that addicting musical number."

This summary ends with the last stanza from the Flim Flam brothers' signature musical:

We're saying you've got opportunity
In this very community.
He's Flim. He's Flam.
We're the world famous Flim Flam brothers
Traveling salesponies nonpareil
Yeah!

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B interrupts, "But first, a shout out to Murray's apple cider."

"B! At least wait and see who wins before celebrating."

"Aw... all right. It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The setting appears to be an out-of-the-way apple orchard. The Italian plumbers are walking along minding their own business, when a sudden barrage of mechanical noises is heard. In comes a technological terror with lights, wires and a vacuum. It's powered by two unicorn stallions driving the thing. The Mario Brothers turn to face this mechanical mayhem and stand ready, though Luigi looks a bit more worried than ready.

"Let's-a go!" declares Mario.

"Okie dokie," agrees Luigi albeit reluctantly.

"FIGHT!"

The vacuum tube is surrounded in a green aura as it looms over a random apple tree. It begins sucking in the fruit. There is a green light accompanied by a "ding" as each good apple passes quality inspection, with one red light accompanied by a "bzzt" for the last apple which was apparently rotten. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 launches a few barrels through the air. They are on direct flights toward the Mario Brothers' current positions.

The plumbers shake in worry briefly before pulling out their respective hammers and hold them in ready positions. As the barrels come with a foot, Mario and Luigi take respective swings and smash the barrels to pieces. The cider somehow spills away from the brothers. Six barrels meet a smashing conclusion.

The unicorns change tactics and start driving their vehicle forward toward the opponents.

"Woah!" yells Mario as he and Luigi start running away. They each pull out a red shroom and use it, making them larger and oddly enough faster. Though they are managing to stay ahead, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 is gaining on them. The Mario brothers jump over a fence in their way. The machine smashes right on through it. The Mario brothers jump over a second fence and a third. The cider vehicle runs over those fences as well.

The vacuum continues to suck in apples from the trees it passes. Barrels of cider fly and crash. The Mario brothers now have to avoid tripping over fences, being crushed by barrels, and being run over by a machine with too long a name.

Mario pulls out a fire flower while Luigi pulls out an ice flower. As they run they burn and freeze various barrels heading their way while dodging the rest.

Mario and Luigi manage to pull out their cape feathers. They are granted yellow capes and they start to fly out of the vehicle's trampling and shooting range. Flim manages to overpower the vacuum so that it reaches a ridiculous distance. Mario gets sucked into the hose.

"Mario!" cries Luigi. He then sees Flam press the button that turns the machine's quality control off.

"Oh no!" Luigi exclaims. Then he wears an expression of anger. He pulls out a starman and flies toward the enemy at super speed.

"MARIOOOOO!" he shouts as a war cry. He collides with the cider vehicle. There's a huge explosion as pieces of the machine go flying in every direction. Thankfully, Mario is still in one piece and cape intact. He then pulls out his own starman and activates its power.

"Let's-a go!" he declares.

"Oh yeah," agrees Luigi with confidence. The Mario brothers rush over to the dazed Flim Flam brothers and release huge cans of whoop*ss. Their kick-boxing styles along with their invincibility quickly beat the unicorns into pulp. When the starman powers cease, Mario and Luigi step back. Broken bones and bleeding bruises are all that's left of the traveling salesponies nonpareil.

"Ya-hoo!" cheers Mario.

"Go Luigi. Go Luigi. Go Luigi," dances Luigi.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B does a spit-take with his cider before saying, "Wah ha ha ho! That was awesome!"

W professionally reflects, "The Mario brothers have much more combat experience under their belts and are quite used to dealing with dishonest enemies. Not to mention, any danger placed on family pushes them to fight even harder. Their versatile power-ups and physical strength quickly decided the result of this Death Battle."

"Looks like Flim and Flam just got flushed. Get it W?" Was that a joke on plumbers beating entrepreneurs? Wow...*facepalm*.

"The winners are the Mario brothers," concludes W. A picture of Mario and Luigi with their names underneath appears on screen.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll to the usual Death Battle closing theme.

A/N: Well, nearing the 20th chapter already? To think this all started with a sort of joke chapter between Deadpool and Pinkie Pie. Man time flies. This particular work of fan fiction is probably going to be quiet for a while until I can confirm the details about the Season 3 antagonists.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Thanks for reading.

Power and Greed

A/N: All right! Time for me to tackle this requested fight. Here we go! (*sigh* If only I were this enthusiastic about the foreseeable outcome.)

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sony Computer Entertainment.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (21)

---Death Battle---

Rah! Smash! Burn! Oh, yeah! I'm feeling like a bad*ss playing through God of War... what? Oh, sorry. *Stashes away PS3 controller.* Welcome to the Death Battle parody, readers and viewers alike.

Depictions of mythological confrontations flash across the screen.

B starts, "This week we're bringing back another dead character by the powers of Death Battle."

W states, "After several 'experiments', we've brought back Kratos after his unfortunate bout with Spawn. Today, the demigod of war will face an unstoppable force known as the dragon Spike."

"Spike? He looks like a small, purple, lizard thing. What the hell are we doing?"

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A muscular white man with red face tattoos and a fierce look of intimidation is shown on screen.

"For those of you that missed Kratos' fight with Spawn," starts B, "What's your excuse?"

W is a bit less antagonizing and more professional, "Kratos is a demigod, raised up by the Spartans as their deadliest warrior. When his people were threatened to be overrun, he struck a deal with Ares the god of war. Ares gave him the strength to overpower his enemies. In exchange, Kratos became his willing pawn."

"Unfortunately for Kratos, he got tricked into killing his wife and child and was punished with white, hot ashes covering his skin. The Michael Jackson treatment."

"Betrayed by the gods of Olympus, Kratos' vengeful path of destruction began."

Stats appear on screen as W continues.

"He has demigod strength, speed, and power enough to topple the mighty Hercules. His default weapons are the Blades of Exile, bound to his arms by red-hot chains and can latch onto enemies with their hook design."

"And like other ridiculously powered weapons," adds B, "they can catch on fire."

"Kratos' strongest weapon is arguably the most powerful the Greek gods had to offer: the Blade of Olympus."

"After killing Ares and becoming the new god of war, Zeus tricked Kratos into putting all of his god-like power into this sword, making him mortal once again. That said, the sword is a hazard to all of the toughest Olympians."

"For defense, Kratos wields the Golden Fleece, capable of deflecting several magic-based attacks."

"And Kratos carries a crap-ton of other weapons too. The Bow of Apollo can shoot rapid-streams of arrows or be charged to shoot fiery arrows."

"The claws of Hades rip out the souls of their victims, though tougher opponents can resist them."

"The Nemean Cestus gauntlets can create strong shock waves and stun enemies."

"The Boots of Hermes give Kratos super speed and he possesses Icarus' Wings which allow him to fly. While Kratos is not invincible, it is very difficult to kill him."

"Even suicide doesn't work right on him."

"After killing every Olympian god above and below, save for Aphrodites, the Apocalypse had ultimately arrived."

A cut scene shows Kratos riding the shoulder of a Titan.

"Zeus!" yells Kratos, "Your 'son' has returned!"

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to reveal a small, purple dragon with green spine scales.

"After being hatched for an entrance exam," introduces W, "Spike was given to Twilight Sparkle as her assistant librarian and messenger. For all age purposes, he is a baby dragon."

"You're telling me this infant is what we're pitting against this?" B asks as he pulls up a picture of Kratos, "Well... all right then." Stats appear as W continues speaking.

"Spike is very familiar with the library's layout. He can usually find exactly the book Twilight is looking for long before she can."

"It doesn't help that she pulls every single book off the shelf at once."

"As Twilight's messenger, Spike is usually the one to write and deliver her reports to Princess Celestia via his fire breath."

"Wait, his fire sends things to Celestia? Wouldn't her room get crowded with the amount of stuff he burns."

"Actually, the enchantment seems to be in the scroll parchment rather than his flames. This would explain why anything else he breathes fire on turns to ashes."

"Magic. It never explains *ess*t."

"Like other dragons in the land of Equestria, Spike primarily eats various gems. If he starts gathering objects out of greed, he grows larger and gains an older appearance."

"Oh that's ridiculous. What good would a few inches do for that guy-?" B is interrupted by a cut scene of an adult Spike crashing alarms, water towers, and buildings.

"Woah! Ho ho! Never mind. That's freaking sick."

"With a wingless grown appearance," W continues, "Spike can be classified as an Earthbound dragon, incapable of flight but still dangerous to any who oppose him. Also unlike his dragon brethren, Spike's linguistic skills get worse with age and growth."

"This dragon has a Hulk complex."

A scene is shown from the episode Secret of My Excess where Twilight Sparkle is tempting Spike with a broom.

"Spike WANT!" roars Spike as he grows larger and hisses.

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"It's time for a warrior versus dragon Death Battle!" shouts B.

---Death Battle---

It seems to be a nice, sunny day in replica Ponyville. Of course, appearances can be deceiving as a giant purple claw quickly smashes two of the replica houses to smithereens. A large purple, Earthbound dragon with green spikes roars loudly with his head swinging. Within camera distance (which is spanning a rather large mile) stands the Ghost of Sparta, undeterred and fully prepared for a day of slaying enemies be they gods or monsters. His Blades of Exile are already in hand.

"FIGHT!"

Kratos pulls out the Bow of Apollo and starts firing a stream of arrows at the giant dragon. Most of them seem to bounce off the scaly skin. Spike then shows his obsessive greed by grabbing a clawful of the arrows and holds them in close to his chest. He acts as if he's trying to keep them out of view of any onlookers.

The demigod pulls one last arrow and holds it as it catches fire. He releases the arrow and the video runs in slow-motion for a second. The arrow then resumes its actual speed on its course toward the dragon.

With a quick breath of green fire, Spike somehow extinguishes the red-orange flames and the arrow disintegrates. Spike's flame also manages to burn a couple of the replica houses in his path.

Kratos lets out a humph before using his Boots of Hermes to race towards the dragon he faces. He pulls out his Nemean Cestus gauntlets and punches Spike's legs a few times. The dragon reaches down a claw as the Ghost of Sparta quickly rushes to the dragon's other side. He delivers a couple more punches that would normally stun a foe. Spike however is unfazed and slams his other claw on top of Kratos. He then lifts his claw to examine the damage.

Though pride has been cracked, Kratos is far from beaten as he stands up. The demigod pulls out Icarus' Wings and starts flying away from the replica town. The dragon gives chase by land, crushing houses along the way. The camera changes view to a purple mountain range with a few large caves. This is where Kratos flies and consequently where Spike follows.

As the Ghost of Sparta enters one of the caves, he puts away his stolen wings and drops to the cave floor. It's a bit of a tight squeeze for the behemoth dragon but he manages to crawl in as well. He breathes another stream of green flames at his attacker. Kratos stands defiantly and lets his shoulder wearing the Golden Fleece take the brunt of the forceful inferno.

He pulls out his Blades of Exile and throws a few ranged hits against the dragon. Spike's chin loses a few scales and some blood spills. He roars and then charges in headfirst to bite his opposition. Kratos quickly attaches his hook-like swords to the cave ceiling and pulls himself up out of the way as Spike's head barely misses. Kratos then jumps down onto Spike's head, crunching it against the cave floor. He somersaults backwards as the dragon reels back in a roaring pain.

The demigod launches his twin blades out by their chains and sinks them under Spike's head scales. He manages to force the dragon's head to smash into the left and right cave walls, the ceiling, and the floor. He then retracts his Blades of Exile and sheathes them.

With the dragon dazed and in pain, the only one who can move is the Ghost of Sparta who happens to be charging forward right now. He pulls out his ultimate sword and jumps above Spike's head. The next audible sound is the Blade of Olympus impaling the dragon through the eye and lower jaw. More blood spills as Kratos pulls out his sword and holds it up in a victorious stance. He never smiled. The dragon heaves its final breath.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B comments, "Now that was burning hot Death Battle!"

W reflects, "Spike's greed and overwhelming size would normally be a glaring advantage in a battle. However, Kratos is used to dealing with enemies like this all the time. His arsenal was useless against Spike out in the open, but he cleverly used the cave environment and his masterful swordplay to overcome size disadvantage."

"Besides, one of Kratos' earliest triumphs was taking down a freaking hydra. Compared to that, this dragon fight was a walk in the park. Sit, Spike. Stay."

"The winner is Kratos." A picture of the Ghost of Sparta appears with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll and we thank you for watching.

A/N: Okay, so I pulled all of Kratos' facts straight from his original Death Battle. But really, where else was I supposed to get the best detailed information?
Coming soon to Death Battle: Babies 'R' Us?
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this.

And now a moment of silence for our favorite baby dragon.

...

R.I.P. Spike.

Crazy and Crazier

A/N: You know, I contemplated putting the baby Cakes into a Death Battle scenario, but then I was like, "...no."
So... yeah. That's not happening. Meanwhile, have a free smile.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Konami.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (22)

---Death Battle---

Guess who's back. Back again. Pinkie's back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back ad nauseam. Okay, my impersonation of Eminem is over. Let's get started.

Faded images of insanity and randomness flood the screen.

"Well it's that time of the month," states B, "Time to return to some old-fashioned randomness and insanity."

W says, "Today, a classic 4th wall breaker will face a modern 4th wall breaker who happens to have survived a previous Death Battle."

"FOXHOUND unit Psycho Mantis."

"And Pinkie Pie, the unknown variable pony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A man covered in wires and a gas mask appears as the title screen parts.

"Psycho Mantis was born in a small village in Russia prior to the collapse of the USSR," introduces W, "Shortly after discovering his ability to read minds, his telekinetic powers burned down his entire village. This killed all of the other residents and left him with severe burns. He joined the psychic intelligence division of the KGB and later the United States FBI."

"But in 2000," continues B, "he dove a little too deep into a serial killer's psyche and adopted his psychotic personality."

"He left the FBI and eventually sold his service to the highest bidder: FOXHOUND. Though, he and some other members eventually grew weary of their positions and took over Shadow Moses Island."

Stats appear on the screen as B says, "This guy can use a bunch of psychic powers like psychokinesis, telepathy, mind reading, and mind control which he's used in a number of disturbing ways."

A cut scene plays at this time. "Don't like girls?" asks 'Meryl'.

"Psycho Mantis wears a gas mask," states W, "which not only functions to hide his scarred face but also prevents the thoughts of others from constantly entering his mind. This lets him focus on more specific targets like next generation FOXHOUND soldiers."

"A shame for him that his control eventually wore off. That was one hell of an army."

"Not only can Psycho Mantis read Snake's mind, but he can also read the mind and history of Player 1's past video game plays."

A close-up of Psycho Mantis in a cut scene is shown.

"So you like adventure games?" he asks, "You've been playing Super Mario Sunshine, haven't you? Oh, so you've played Super Smash Bros. Melee before. Hmmm. You have not saved very often."

"Yet Player 2's mind is safe and sound," comments B.

A scene of Psycho Mantis' boss battle reveals him saying, "What!? I cannot read you!"

---Death Battle---

The pink earth pony with a mane of cotton candy appears after the title card splits.

"We've briefly covered Pinkie Pie's facts in her last battle," starts W, "but there's plenty more about her."

"She found her talent in party planning after a Sonic Rainboom messed up her hair," says B, "and she's apparently taken up babysitting in addition to baking." Stats appear as W takes the floor.

"Her cheerful personality and haphazard thought process is enough to throw even the most steadfast enemies off guard."

"In addition to her Party cannon, she's added a few new items to her arsenal like balloon-filled suitcases, confetti-filled ovens, and cake batter-filled confetti blowers."

"In the mildest term, she can be considered unpredictable and she has a constant habit of ignoring the 4th wall and its potential consequences on reality. She tends to hop and skip as opposed to trotting like other ponies."

"And she can somehow manipulate her personality to sound philosophical one minute and oblivious the next."

"Her innocent demeanor makes it difficult if not impossible to insult her."

A cut scene reveals 'Mi Amore Cadenza' commenting on Pinkie's plans for the wedding party.

"Perfect," says 'Cadance', "if we were throwing a six-year-old's birthday party."

"Thank you," says Pinkie Pie with a genuinely grateful look while Twilight Sparkle is in view in front of a pillar.

"The only time she'll intentionally be a threat is when you break one of her Pinkie promises," adds B.

A scene reveals a fiery-eyed Pinkie Pie yelling, "YOU PINKIE PROMISED!" This is followed by Applejack yelping in an "oh crud" kind of way.

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hold up, W!" interrupts B, "I'm going to buy a gas mask to give myself some bad*ss psychokinesis."

"B, the mask doesn't give psychic powers. It limits them..."

"Thank you for the sponsorship, Gamefly! It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

A long dark hallway takes the setting of the screen. We seem to move around to face a double door that opens up and reveals the inside with some vaguely familiar photos on the back wall. They kind of look like the three alicorn princesses introduced in the first two seasons.

"Were you expecting someone else?" asks a breathy voice. In front of the desk, an electrified silhouette appears before it takes on the physical form of a white man wearing wires and a gas mask.

"Your mind is an open book to me," he breathes, "You really like Random stories, don't you?" He pauses for a breath and his arms take a thoughtful pose.

"You've read Mortal: Kombat Equestria, haven't you? You like Comedy stories it seems." Psycho Mantis pauses again.

"I see you've read Past Sins and Through the Eyes of Another Pony before. Hmmm. It seems you do not upload stories very often." He spreads his arms out.

"The demonstration is over!" he nearly yells. A strange wave of energy permeates the room. The portraits of the three princesses appear to laugh in very chipmunk-toned chortles. Psycho Mantis joins in on the laughter.

He suddenly halts his laughter with a roar. Fire appears to crash in random locations in the room. The camera man runs around in front view yelling because his shirt is on fire. The picture's on the back wall cease laughing, almost as if they are aware that their top left corners are ablaze.

"You should really be careful, mister," says an upbeat, casual voice, "because messing with fire is asking for something dire." The source of the voice reveals itself as a pink earth pony with more pink as its mane color. Her vacant smile is undeterred and she doesn't even appear singed despite the flames that seem to lick her sides. Pinkie Pie is here.

"FIGHT!"

The fire starts to die out as the screen suddenly flashes black. The word "HTORY" appears in the top right-hand corner of the screen. Pinkie Pie pops her head in from the left side of the screen.

"Oh, silly reader," she chimes, "Your connection broke. Here, let me get that." She re-connects the reader to the internet, unknowingly switching the wireless point to the second strongest signal. The screen buzzes with snowy static before returning to the room filled with burn marks.

Psycho Mantis laughs before disappearing. His trail seems to be an arc of lightning that goes in a patternless direction. He reappears briefly near the western wall of the room. The party pony activates her party cannon (from out of nowhere) and a tablecloth is fired and covers the psychic. The table cloth loses the humanoid shape as it falls to the ground. The lightning arc is moving again.

After sporadically moving all over the place, the psychic reappears at the southeastern corner of the room. He levitates a couple sofas and launches them toward the pink pony. Pinkie Pie jumps up and over the makeshift projectiles and opens a yellow briefcase (also from out of nowhere). Fully blown up balloons escape and scatter in all directions. A few of which hit Psycho Mantis' mask in the eye pieces.

"What!? I cannot read you!" the psychic cries out in alarm.

He disappears again as the random lightning. Surprisingly, it just follows a giant orderly circle around the room before heading straight for the center. He reappears, but this time he seems to have a new obstacle. A 7-colored mane dawns the form of Rainbow Dash and she's in a dazed, zombie-like stare. She's semi-flying in front of the psychic.

"Be a good girl and beat yourself up," chides Psycho Mantis. The mare slowly raises her hooves up like fists.

"Hey, Dashie!" yells Pinkie Pie, "I saw Soarin outside the building!" Dash immediately wakes from her trance.

"Really?" she says in excitement. She quickly flies out the room's double doors. Oddly enough, she quickly finds the actual Soarin just outside. We'll have to ignore them because that's not where the fight is taking place. The camera view returns to the depressing-looking room.

Psycho Mantis resumes his original strategy of turning into a haphazard bolt of lightning. He zigzags every which way before reappearing above the desk. In the time that we've had our eyes distracted, Pinkie Pie has opened her 'welcome wagon'. The oven bursts open releasing a blast of confetti that catches Psycho Mantis off guard. The confetti cannon releases a somewhat vertical stream of butter-yellow goop. It splits into two streams and hits both combatants, covering them both from head to foot.

"Oops, I did it again," chuckles Pinkie Pie. She moves her tongue in an impossibly long motion and licks all of the cake batter off her body. She hops over to the distracted psychic and uses a similar tongue motion to remove the batter from his body. What she didn't notice right away was that she accidentally swallowed the psychic's gas mask in the process.

Without the mask, a stream of unrelenting thoughts hits the psychic all at once.

Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie. I love to throw parties. Do you like parties? I like cake and punch and ice cream and games and dancing. My best friends are Twilight and Dashie and Fluttershy and Applejack and Rarity. We're the spirits of the Elements of Harmony. Mine's Laughter. Twilight is Magic. Dashie is Loyalty. Rarity is Generosity. Fluttershy is Kindness. Applejack is Honesty. I also like Spike. He's such a cute, lovable, baby dragon. Well, except when he gets greedy. Then he gets super big and nasty and assaulting him with cake just doesn't seem to stop him. I used to live on a rock farm. I lived with my parents and my sisters Inkie and Blinkie. They were fun after I introduced them to the idea of parties. Oh, I love Mr. and Mrs. Cake and Pumpkin and Pound Cake and Rose and Derpy and Golden Harvest and Berry and Lyra and...

...Is that... blood spilling out in a small controlled stream out of Psycho Mantis' forehead? In any case, he lands on the floor face up, shocked, and overwhelmed. Some of the red liquid spills next to Pinkie Pie though she wasn't really paying attention to the source.

"Ooh, is that floor ketchup?" she stares in wonder. She leans down and licks with a much shorter tongue. The realization of what the substance is makes her scrunch her face in disgust.

"Ewww. That's not ketchup." She starts rubbing her tongue with a hoof to try and get the iron taste off.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Dang," comments B, "Talk about speaking your mind."

"Psycho Mantis had a versatile set of illusions and psychic abilities," reflects W, "He is even capable of breaking the 4th wall beyond the limits the Pinkie Pie usually dares. But her less murderous and more unpredictable fighting style made it nearly impossible to judge her next action. As a result, he wasn't ready to counter attack when Pinkie outmaneuvered his mind puppet skills. The barrage of Pinkie's thoughts being forced into his own mind all at once quickly turned the odds against him."

"In the end, Psycho Mantis just needed to pray."

"The winner is Pinkie Pie." The pink party pony's picture and name appear on screen.

---Death Battle---

"Special thanks to Rina-chan for the voice of Pinkie Pie."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: I really didn't see that coming.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. Blah blah, you've heard this all before.
Next time: something a little different.

Chapter 23: Rejected Ideas or Questionable Thoughts (You can probably skip this. I change my mind often.)

A/N: This is another non-standard episode of a chapter. It's an assortment of random ideas for a Death Battle that I just thought to myself, "This will never work," or "I'd be insane if I wrote that," or "What was I thinking?"
So, in no particular order, here's my "Scenarios that might have happened, but won't."

Properties all belong to their respective owners including but not limited to Screw Attack and Hasbro.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (Intermission 2)

---Death Battle---

No particular order #1:
Musical duel.

Octavia and Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ P0N-3 team up to take on the various musical talents of old and new. Mozart, Beethoven, the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, and many others' musical numbers fail in comparison to the combined might of cello and record scratching.

There's not enough canonical appearances and songs by those two ponies to justify that. As I've said before, I will NOT use fanon powers if I can help it.

No particular order #2:
Derpy Hooves vs. anyone

Okay, so the wonderful wall-eyed Pegasus pony can deliver packages, speak with two different octaves, create lightning, and reduce wooden buildings to rubble with just her butt.
...
That's not exactly enough "researched" information that B and W could chew on.

I run into a similar problem as with the previous idea. Most of the information I've ever heard about Derpy (or Ditsy if you prefer) has been through fanon sources or someone else's headcanon. I will not force the acceptance of fan fictional powers, because then I have to go make the exception and allow OC characters in and make each and every one of them more powerful than is sensible within the limitations that a controlled encounter could possibly have between them.

The only reason Pinkie Pie can have unspoken powers is because she's Pinkie Pie. I can't control her.

Edit: Never mind. I've figured out what I'm going to do with Derpy. Just sit tight.

No particular order #3:
Princess Luna vs. Majora's Mask

"The Princess of the Night hurls the heart-shaped mask at the moon and then uses her unique magic to spin the moon through all of its phases in one night. This rotation sends Majora's Mask out into space, never to be seen again."

*Sigh*. I don't know. This fight itself has potential... I guess. But honestly, I couldn't possibly make Luna that overpowered, otherwise it doesn't really fit her profile. Something about it just irks me the wrong way.

No particular order #4:
Discord vs...

...no. Just no. Never again. Next!

No particular order #5:
Power Rangers

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possible.

No particular order #6:
Q&A Episodes

The thing is, Q & A episodes on the actual Death Battle require the straight answers from B and W themselves. I don't know how they'd answer certain questions if they've never answered them on an actual Q & A episode. I can only pretend to exemplify their personalities. I can't read their minds. So that's out.

No particular order #7:
Fan Character vs. OC

I think I've explained this idea enough times. For those that were thinking TL;DR, here's the fast version.
Canon, yes. Fanon, no.
Next.

No particular order #8:
Twilight Sparkle vs. Timmy Turner

While it would be hilarious to face off Tara Strong voiced characters, here's the problem. Where does Timmy's power usually come from?
"Cosmo! Wanda! I wish..."
One-on-one means one-on-one. I can't make it a two-magic-fairies-and-human-on-one. That just wouldn't be right. Battle royales are reserved for teams that are all on opposite sides. I'm not splitting either of Timmy's fairies from him and having them join the pony side. That would defeat the purpose of the battle to begin with.

No particular order #9:
Carrot Top, Berry Punch, Colgate, Lyra, Bon bon, Raindrops, Moon Dancer, Thunder Lane, Cloud Kicker, Doctor Whooves, etc.

There isn't enough canonical information about these background ponies to really "explain" them in a Death Battle setting. Fanon information is neat but useless here.

No particular order #10:
What about your Trixie chapter?

*Sigh*. I'd rather we didn't talk about that. I learned the mistake about including powers that weren't mentioned or shown in the character's medium and the consequences it can have on viewers that want an experience that makes sense for the settings that they are in. No more fan-specific abilities, powers, ponies, or what have you. I'm done with that.

No particular order #11:
Chell

That would be interesting if pulled off correctly. Sadly, I don't think I have the imagination possible to really describe the destruction one could cause with nothing but a portal gun and a multitude of surfaces that aren't compatible with portals.

No particular order #12:
Gordan Freeman, Barney Calhoun, Adrian Shephard

For the time being, I'd like to steer clear from one-sided "guns win" fights. Maybe later when more chuckles can be shared at this random violence I'll add them in. For now, anything with them is cancelled until further notice.

No particular order #13:
April Fool's Jokes

One, it's too late in the year. Two, unlike many people, I don't like it when someone purposefully gets my hopes up or tossed around over some random joke they thought was funny at the expense of others' confidence or self-esteem. Since that's the case, it's only fair that I avoid taking part in related, reciprocal behaviors. I solemnly swear to never make April Fool's jokes in this particular work.
And just to seal the deal, I'll double up on promises. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my- AUGH! MY EYE!
...
You get what I'm saying though.

No particular order #14:
Enemies from games that just don't have enough information on them

In order for battles to be properly described, I need to be able to easily retrieve various facts and figures about the person/creature/thing. I don't want a repeat of the short Giygas chapter just because I couldn't find anything that could tell me what his attacks look like and what they actually do. The reason the real W and B reject so many Death Battle ideas is because there's not enough information that relates to the character. (See their second Q & A and W asks, "Who's Captain Kirk?")

No particular order #15:
Members of the 'cast' of Death Battle or TMNPWWF

The director, narrator, and cameraman are essentially fan characters. I don't use fan characters. I also will not pit W or B for obvious reasons. (F and N will occasionally be used for various outtakes episodes but not for "official" battles.)

No particular order #16:
'Fixing' the earlier chapters

I've thought about it, changing the "FIGHT" text to be red and inserting "---Death Battle---" instead of long sentences describing scene changes. But really, that was kind of the fun of doing the first chapter: not really knowing for sure what I was doing and still kind of new to FiMfiction's features. I think it has a bit of novelty attached to it and I'd like to leave it as is.

No particular order #17:
Baby fights

As hard to believe as it sounds, I'm not a huge fan of violence. (What? Are you for real?) Yeah. With toddler violence, I'm even less enthusiastic. To make them fight each other just doesn't settle right for me. It's one of those "I don't know why, it just is." So, sorry but no baby Cakes. I don't want them to die or inadvertently cause a death. It leaves a stain on my guilty conscious. (That didn't stop you from killing a baby dragon.) Oh, come on. I gave him a respectful moment of silence. What more do you want? I'm not putting him into another Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

A wanderer of time...

A pony that never was...

Which neutral ground will win?

Only one way to find out.

Stay tuned.

A/N: Sorry if this wasn't exactly a humorous chapter. I just had steam to blow and frankly, I feel that writing/typing is the best way to express my feelings.
Next chapter, we'll return to your regularly programmed "this pony/enemy beats that enemy/pony's behind". Thank you for your patience.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Enjoy your day/night.

Time is of the Essence

A/N: All right, now that I've gotten serious out of my system, it's time to go crazy again and write some events that could happen in a video setting but probably won't make it onto the actual Screw Attack website.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (24)

---Death Battle---

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

...oh.

Pictures of Link, Gordon Freeman, Cloud, and other protagonists fill the screen.

"Ever notice that it's the quiet ones that make the most noise?" asks B, "Well, it's true."

"Like Chrono, the warrior from Truce," says W, "And today he'll be fighting a revived and slightly peeved Chrysalis, queen of the changelings."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A spikey, red-haired teen wearing a blue tunic and wielding a sword in his hand appears on screen.

"Chrono was born in the year 983 A.D," introduces W, "At age 17, he tested out a device called the Telepod invented by his friend Lucca. When something went horribly wrong and the Telepod sent Marle back to the past, Chrono's time traveling adventures began."

As stats appear on screen, B adds, "This guy's been to several time periods and learned new information and abilities from each."

"Specifically, he gained his magical abilities at the End of Time. These abilities, called 'techs', offer support and offense during the heat of battle. His Cyclone ability lets him hit a circle of enemies and Wind Slash allows him to hit an entire enemy lineup."

"Lightning lets him attack with... well, lightning obviously and Lightning II is a multiple targeted version of that."

"He can Raise a fallen ally from knockout, confuse enemies with a four-strike Frenzy, and damage all of his enemies with holy light using Luminaire. Chrono is proficient in fighting with katanas. His most powerful katana is the Dreamseeker that he received for slaying a Dream Devourer. The sword has a high probability for dealing critical damage."

"While Chrono takes extra damage from Shadow magic, he doesn't seem to have very many obvious weaknesses aside from that one time that Lavos managed to eat his soul."

"But his friends were able to revive him using a clone from 1000 A.D."

"This is Star Wars all over again."

"As he doesn't say much, he usually lets his actions do his talking for him, though this has lead to very comical results."

"Just imagine Link the hero of time as a red head and you've pretty much got Chrono." At this statement, we can actually hear W face palm.

The closing cut scene for Chrono is an epic sword fight as he takes on several enemies surrounding him at once. He doesn't say a word even as he topples the last foe.

---Death Battle---

The familiar black changeling shows up on screen. Do you really need a reminding description of how grotesque she looks?

"Refresh my memory, W," says B, "Why did we bring this thing back to life?"

Not surprisingly, W ignores him and reintroduces, "Queen Chrysalis rules over the swarm of changelings from the outskirts of Equestria. They feed off love and can alter their appearance to resemble any pony they see."

"If I had face that ugly, I wouldn't show it in public either." Stats appear on screen as W keeps talking.

"Chrysalis specifically has an aura of evil magic capable of levitation, fabric disintegration, energy beams, and opening portals to the underground."

"She's Spawn minus the guns and awesome cape."

"The strongest source of her power came from Shining Armor's love which she commented was even stronger than Celestia's magic."

"You'd think god was more enduring than that."

"But as was proven at the end of her 10 minute reign over Canterlot, too much love is enough to repel Chrysalis and her entire faction of changelings."

"She fell for the typical trap of the villain: the musical reprise."

The cut scene shown proves B's point as Chrysalis sings:

This day has been just perfect
The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small.
Every pony else to control
Every stallion, mare, and foal
Who says a girl can't really have it all?

A/N: Close that tab right afterward. That user's got it stuck on replay.

---Death Battle---

As always, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Hang on, W," interrupts B, "I'm going to go use the Carbonite funds to buy a new katana."

"But you just got a new katana."

"It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

We now find ourselves staring at a random forest line in the middle of nowhere. It's past the valley of somewhere, but not as far as neither-here-nor-there. Silence looms over this setting as the camera pans in a rightward direction. The view settles on the quiet combatants, poised and ready for battle. Let's not keep them waiting.

"FIGHT!"

Holding the calm pose of a samurai, the red-head raises his katana high. The changeling surrounds herself with green flame. In an instant, she looks like a mirror image of the warrior she faces. Actually, 'mirror image' is a perfect phrase since Chrono is wielding his sword left-handed while his doppelganger holds it right-handed. They both charge forward.

Metal clangs against metal as the fighters clash. The advantage isn't obvious at first but Chrono's more experienced swordplay is apparent as his doppelganger begins to back up. He spins around in a Cyclone attack. As the duplicate tries to imitate the motion, the original unleashes a Wind Slash forcing his opponent back several feet.

Unable to copy the magical abilities, the clone is forced to watch and dodge Chrono's various Lightning attacks. She gets caught in the widespread Lightning II attack which happens to singe the grass surrounding her. Chrysalis reverts back to her original form in a less impressive, green flame. The time traveler is far from finished and activates his Luminaire tech. The changeling queen is caught in a blast of holy light.

She is barely standing and struggling to breathe. She fires a green beam of magic at Chrono. Although he feels weakened, he still charges forward to deliver the kill. As he gets within a few yards, Chrysalis suddenly finds a channel of love to sink into and its coming from the warrior. Somewhere deep in his heart, she finds her last-ditch plan. She is surrounded by green flame again. When the fire clears, a girl familiar to Chrono appears.

The warrior stops within a few feet in surprise. His expression seems to read, "Is it really her?"

"Chrono," whimpers 'Marle', "I thought you loved me." Her eyes flash green for a moment as a similar effect occurs in his eyes. He lowers his sword as he walks in a trance toward his wife. She opens her arms and embraces the warrior.

She starts to squeeze the life out of him. Chrono feels constricted and strangled. Something is not right. Marle is not herself. Marle... This is not Marle. She never laughs wickedly like this.

His left hand reacts within a split-second. The Dreamseeker blade drives itself into 'Marle's' heart. With her heart pierced, the changeling queen can no longer hold her disguise. She reverts back and the green hypnosis leaves Chrono's eyes. He pulls his sword back and turns to leave as Chrysalis falls to the grass in a heap.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Now that's what I call a Death Battle," says B in delight.

"Chrono had better sword fighting experience right off the bat," reflects W, "His magic was able to keep a steady pace at keeping Chrysalis at a distance."

"Her dark magic might have been able to beat him, but it just wasn't enough."

"She even tried to use Chrono's true love against him, but he was able to break out of it when his suspicion outweighed his blindness."

"Deep in the heart of Chrysalis," B sings to the tune of "Deep in the Heart of Texas".

"The winner is Chrono," concludes W as Chrono's picture appears on screen with his name underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll and our show hosts are silent.

Thanks for watching.

A/N: Sorry this one took so long. I needed a bit of a rest.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. The next chapter might be a bit more in the "humorous" category than a serious duel. I'll get back to you on that.

Love is a Battlefield

A/N: The episodes have had a lot of kills lately. Time to turn it around a notch. I guess I need to learn to alternate more.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (25)

---Death Battle---

The number funnier than 24. ...*face palm* I cannot believe I just said that.

Pictures of various damsels in distress cross the screen.

"In many a heroic tale," starts W, "there is usually a princess to be saved."

"But now it's time to break them out of their lazy, personal bubbles," declares B.

"Without their knights in shining armor, which of these damsels in distress will claim victory?"

"Returning Death Battle champion, Princess Peach."

"And the lost niece of Equestrian royalty, Princess Cadance."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A long-haired princess in a pink dress and wearing a jewel-encrusted crown enters the screen.

"Introducing," announces B, "The b**** with a powerful *ss. The girl who can deliver a kick that shattered Zelda's skull. The one and only PRINCESS PEACH!"

"Peach has been kidnapped over a dozen times," says W, "Her grace and athleticism only get her so far."

Stats appear as B says, "Somehow, from her imprisonment, she can still send mail to Mario containing extra lives and power ups. How the hell does that work?"

"She is quite a capable fighter when she sets her mind to it. She's participated in countless sports and survived hundreds of Mario Party events."

"Peach's weaponry consists of a tennis racket, golf club, frying pan, and turnips that she can somehow pull out of infertile ground."

"She wields Perry the Parasol and Heart Power, capable of healing herself and allies and putting her opponents to sleep."

"And she can focus her emotions into raw powerful abilities after touching the... pfft. Vibe scepter. Ah ha ha ha ha!"

"And as we've stated before, her Empress Peach power can deliver a kick of 15 psi, enough to shatter the human skull and cause decapitation."

"Ha ha ha ha, I've got the giggles. Heh heh heh."

A cut scene shows Peach cheering, "Mario! Luigi!"

---Death Battle---

A rather small alicorn enters the screen with colors that remind a viewer of a sunset.

W introduces, "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza AKA Cadance is a distant niece of Princess Celestia and is the wife of Captain Shining Armor."

"Mi Amore Cadenza?" asks B, "What in the hell kind of name is that?"

"It roughly translates to 'my love for rhythm'."

"Kay, got it." Stats appear off to the right while W continues.

"She took charge as Twilight Sparkle's foalsitter for one full year in the past and she's often looked at as a peacemaker."

"This is who's fighting the fatal foot?"

"As far as magical capabilities go, Cadance isn't much stronger than the average unicorn and she can perform basic levitation. Her wingspan isn't enough for the natural flight of other Pegasi, but it is enough to allow long-distance gliding."

"So wouldn't the correct term be Pegacorn?"

"Unlike other unicorns, Cadance is capable of spreading love magic which can help remind lovers of their true affection and overpower mind control spells. It can even be used to super charge Shining Armor's defensive spells."

"Shields at full power."

"It is also assumed that she has minor healing magic. Despite being old enough to marry, Cadance is a child at heart who enjoys apple pastries, the chicken dance, and floral dresses."

"She always dresses in... nah, too easy."

The cut scene shown for Cadance reveals her performing her childish dance with Twilight.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake. Ha ha ha ha ha."

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Time for a cat fight Death Battle!" yells B.

---Death Battle---

What a gorgeous sunny day there is in the battle field today. It looks like a very familiar, wooden bridge connecting two tall cliffs. The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom floats down holding her parasol. The young princess from Equestria floats in on the other side of the screen before landing and closing her wings. Déjà vu.

"FIGHT!"

Princess Peach pulls out a white turnip with a face out of the ground even though she's on a bridge. She tosses it to the left. Princess Cadance manages to jump out of the way and lands back on the bridge. While she is distracted, Peach runs forward and delivers a smack with her behind.

"Ah-cha!" she yells. The alicorn princess flinches from the collision but regains her composure. She gallops forward and just as she comes to a stop she reaches out one hoof out and smacks Peach across the face. The toadstool princess screams out in pain. She then returns the favor by smacking Cadance's face. Now she screams in pain. This erupts into a slap fight which I must admit looks very hilarious when half of the slaps are actually hoof smacks.

Cadance is the first to break away from this pointless struggle. Her horn lights up in a cyan, magical aura. Suddenly, Peach is surrounded by this cyan aura. She's lifted a few inches above the bridge. She comically attempts to 'swim' through the air with little success. In frustration, her eyes catch fire and she's practically surrounded by a fiery aura. I'm seriously feeling déjà vu here.

Before any other yells can be exchanged, the bridge suddenly disintegrates in a cacophony of ashes and broken pieces. Both princesses start falling and Peach's fiery anger ceases. In free-fall, Cadance opens her wings wide which seems to slow her down slightly. Peach chooses to open her parasol. The alicorn edges toward Peach in an attempt to deliver another hit, but Peach quickly pulls out her frying pan and smacks her opponent away before she gets the chance.

Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts. Peach summons a sheep and launches it to hit her opponent from above. Cadance activates a valentine-shaped light and it floats toward Peach at an alarming pace.

As the sheep finally falls onto Cadance's head, the valentine reacts with Peach's face. The alicorn falls asleep on her feet. The toadstool princess is suddenly reminded of her love and she spins around in joy. In her dizzy bliss, she falls face-up onto the grass.

"Mario," she coos. Meanwhile Cadance is snoring elegantly. Looks like this fight won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Ah ha ha," chuckles B, "What was that?"

"Peach definitely had the upper hand with a wider variety of unpredictable attacks," reflects W, "Although, Cadance held her own for quite a while. She even caught Peach off guard with her sudden use of magic. But Peach ultimately destroyed the bridge that held them up. However, this battle was over as soon as their distracting maneuvers were used. Peach fell hopelessly in love with her memories while Cadance took an all-expense paid trip to dream land."

"This is ridiculous," scoffs B.

"This Death Battle is a draw," concludes W. Pictures of both damsels appear on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

A/N: Okay, a few ideas hit me. Since I figured out a way for a non-offensive pony to take part in a combat-like situation, I thought, why can't I do the same with another favorite character? Stick around for next chapter, because I'm about to change my mind for the umpteenth time.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Be seeing you.

Myde or Muffin?

A/N: Well, now that I'm actually writing this chapter, expect an edit to the previous intermission chapter. Personally, I don't care what her name is. I still love her all the same.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (26)

---Death Battle---

So she walks up to the mirror and says, "I think." Then she disappears. Hah? Hah?

A/N: Psst. You're on the air.

What? Oh! Sorry, audience. I didn't see you there. *Ahem*.

The screen is flooded with images of blondes and blonds.

"You ever wonder why there are so many jokes about blond people?" asks B, "Because they're so darn funny."

W states, "Today we're taking two of media's 'dumb' blonds and putting them into the ring."

"Demyx, the Melodious Nocturne."

"And Derpy, the Pegasus with a bubbly personality."

"Pfft. Ah ha ha ha ha."

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a somewhat lanky guy in a black overcoat holding a blue sitar.

"Demyx is No. 9 of Organization XIII," introduces W, "His hobbies include playing his sitar, napping, slacking off work, and letting others do his work for him."

"Like me!" chips in B. Stats appear for the Melodious Nocturne as W continues.

"Though he insisted on doing recon missions, his higher ups constantly placed him in situations where fighting was a mandatory task."

"I bet the Organization was smoking something when they were assigning missions."

"While he's not fond of fighting, Demyx is far from helpless. His capabilities with water magic and sitar attacks are enough to keep any enemy busy."

"He can command his water to dance, instantly killing a certain Keyblade wielder after a set time passes. He can also conjure bullet-speed bubbles and lines of hot geysers that follow a beat."

"Playing his sitar in just the right way allows Demyx to release lethal sound waves that can eat away the health of the Heartless."

"Yet, for all the power this guy wields, he's a complete wuss when faced with a challenge."

A cut scene shows Demyx saying, "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance." Sora, Donald, and Goofy pull out their respective weapons in a ready pose.

"Oh... I told them they were sending the wrong guy," says Demyx to himself.

---Death Battle---

A gray pony with golden eyes and a bubble cutie mark appears on screen when the title card splits.

"Ditzy Doo AKA Derpy Hooves is one of the many Pegasi that live in Equestria," introduces W, "Though she has been seen working for a delivery service, it is unknown what her official occupation is."

"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "What's wrong with her eyes?" Stats appear as W ignores B's rudeness.

"As a Pegasus, Derpy can manipulate weather. She can easily force a thunder cloud to release lightning, though she doesn't seem to always be able to control which direction the bolts go."

As if to prove that point, we get a cut scene where Rainbow Dash narrowly avoids losing her tail in which she shouts, "Now careful, Derpy!"

"Rumors state that she's been sighted with an earth pony with an hourglass cutie mark," says W, "As shown by this zoomed in section of background."

"Is Derpy another name for Waldo?"

"Like many other ponies, she's quite fascinated with Sugarcube Corner's free samples."

A sound byte and visual clip show Derpy happily saying, "Muffins."

W continues, "She enjoys attending sporting events and basking in sunlight. While she's always willing to lend her support, she is prone to causing property damage and her flank has enough strength to destroy wooden frames and floors."

"Man, I feel sorry for her," says B.

Another cut scene of the cross-eyed Pegasus has her standing by as Rainbow Dash tells her, "In the name of Celestia, just sit there and do nothing." While Derpy obliges, she loses her balance and grabs Rainbow as she falls through the hole in the floor.

"Oops, my bad," apologizes Derpy.

---Death Battle---

With usual flare, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"It's time for a Death Battle!" shouts B.

---Death Battle---

A wide-open canyon area marks the location of today's battle. The riverbed has long since dried up. We see a tall blond man strumming away on his sitar as he waits. He doesn't have long to wait as his opponent comes flying by in somewhat of a zigzagged path. At one point, her flight seems to be upside down before she quickly rights herself and lands on a cloud.

"FIGHT!"

"Dance, water dance!" cries Demyx as he starts double strumming his sitar. Out of seemingly nowhere, bodies of water that take his general shape appear and start skating around the battlefield. A time counter of one minute appears in the top, left-hand corner of the screen while a counter starting at 100 appears in the top, right-hand corner.

Derpy seems to enjoy the melody that the sitar emits. She starts dancing and bouncing atop the thunder head that she was standing on. Thunder rumbles as electrical bolts are discharged from the cloud. The lightning goes in every which direction. Some of which zaps the Pegasus mid-dance. Others surprisingly hit the multitude of water clones on the field.

The clock ticks the seconds by, but the number counter is going down at a much faster rate. Many of the water clones are exploding into vapors upon being zapped. Soon there is only one clone left skating around, and the lightning comes to a halt. Derpy has electrocuted herself one too many times. She dizzily steps off the cloud. Miraculously, she lands right on top of the remaining clone and obliterates it. Five seconds remain on the time before the clock vanishes.

"Water!" shouts the Melodious Nocturne. Multiple bubbles of pure water materialize and rush toward the enemy. The gray pony shakes herself before realizing what's happening. She lets out a gasp before flying in a haphazard pattern to avoid the orbs of pressurized water. Eventually, the orbs cease fire and Demyx switches tactics.

"Come on!" he calls, "Keep to the beat!" As he strums a beat and dances forward, lines of geysers blast out of the ground in metronomic time with his steps. The poor Pegasus has to fly backwards just to stay out of range. She eventually backs up into a loose section of canyon wall. Part of it starts to crack, and a giant fragment of rock falls out. Derpy looks up in panic before flying forward.

Demyx is so lost in his music, that he doesn't notice the Pegasus fly around and behind him. A sort of spotlight moment happens and Derpy's rear end meets Demyx's back.

"Duwah!" exclaims the sitar player as he's launched away. He manages to regain his footing after sliding a bit.

"Dance, water!" he shouts, but before he can shout the second "dance" a large, round shadow appears above him. One moment, he's wondering how it got so dark. The next, a giant rock fragment has collapsed on top of him.

The screen fades to red and then to black.

The faint sound of a heart monitor is heard. The screen lights up like an eye opening, shutting, and then opening again. We see Derpy's face and then the camera pans out to a third-person view. Demyx is lying in a hospital bed and he's covered with white bandaging all over his body.

"I just don't know what went wrong," sighs Derpy sorrowfully while she stands at the bedside.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"And that's how the canyon crumbles," states B.

W reflects, "Demyx had relatively more fighting experience, but his attack patterns are predictable and straightforward. Derpy on the other hand was very imprecise and sporadic, making it difficult to find the perfect counter attack. But, the fight was basically over when her destructive rear end dislodged that rock enough to topple onto the distracted sitar player."

"Demyx got crushed by all of his life's failures."

"The winner is Derpy Hooves." Her picture is shown with her name boldly printed underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Special thanks to Pierce Smoulder for the voice of Derpy."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: Yeah, I decided to let the muffin-lover fight. Is that a problem?
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. And now I must apologize because...

You just got Derp Rolled!

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna fly around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna drop an anvil and hurt you...

Case: Tundra vs. Flames

A/N: Wait! Before you say anything, this is NOT a battle between OCs. However, an OC will make an appearance within the battle itself. It's confusing, but it will make slightly more sense later. Trust me.
...
This was going to be the Alucard chapter. But then I saw a lot of negative attention going toward "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". Excuse me while I give a rant like a stiff. I apologize if this interrupts your usual entertainment schedule. Oh yeah, and spoiler alert.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Capcom.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (27)

---Death Battle---

Oh look. I have jury duty. Hooray... *sarcastic deadpan expression*.

We open up with photos of the courtroom and various lawyers.

"If I had a nickel for every time I've been to court," starts B, "I'd have a dime."

"Today we're doing something a little different," says W, "Instead of trying to kill each other, our combatants will battle to determine the life of a client facing charges."

"Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright will take the defense."

"And Princess Luna will be in charge of the prosecution."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A spiky-haired man wearing a blue suit and red tie enters the screen with a confident smile.

"Phoenix Wright is no stranger to court cases," starts W, "In the fourth grade, he was accused of stealing lunch money and his class held a mock trial where the students unanimously assumed he was guilty. Fortunately for him, Miles Edgeworth and Larry Butz defended him saying that the accusation could not be confirmed without evidence. Since then, Phoenix felt inspired to be a defense attorney, the person people could count on when the world turned against them. He studied art and law at Ivy University."

"Wright has quite an arsenal for someone who doesn't fight," comments B as stats appear, "His basic attack is the 'hold it' which allows him to press witnesses for more detailed information."

"His 'take that' jab allows him to present evidence that reinforces his points in a confrontation."

"But his signature move is the 'objection' which catches most enemies off guard and allows Phoenix to produce arguably solid counter attacks."

"While Phoenix is a formidable man, he is not invincible. If and when he presents the wrong evidence or objects to the wrong statement, Phoenix is momentarily stunned and faces a court penalty."

"Though, I've heard about how he's survived events that would kill other people. Bonks to the head that have killed women in California only give Phoenix amnesia. Falls from high cliffs into freezing river water do nothing to him except give him the flu."

"And he's quite invulnerable in the courtroom as well, surviving everything from hot coffee and wigs to his face and whip lacerations to his body."

"Can anyone say uber?"

"However, Phoenix is not immune to behind-the-scenes schemers. In his last case, he was tricked into presenting forged evidence and disbarred as a lawyer for seven years."

"And he lived like a hobo, playing the piano and poker to make up for his low funds."

"After the long years, he still has a strong influence on the court. He introduced the Jurist System to California Law and has mentored the upcoming Apollo Justice in the ways of the defense attorney."

"I guess he decided to retake the bar exam, because he was kicking plenty of lawbreaker butt in the warring fate of two worlds."

"He certainly hasn't lost his touch."

The cut scene shows Maya Fey hopping around throwing confetti as Phoenix Wright says, "In battle, it's not a question of guilty or not guilty."

---Death Battle---

A picture of a very shaded purple alicorn pony with a black crown and attire.

"Princess Luna is the younger sister of Celestia and serves as a co-ruling monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "Over 1000 years ago when she felt her night was unappreciated, she let jealousy consume her heart. As Nightmare Moon, she was banished to the moon until the prophecy was fulfilled and the stars aided her escape. The six bearers of Harmony managed to break her free of her darkness and she has had nearly a year to rejuvenate and recover."

"Too bad she didn't pick up modern speech," comments B, "She comfortably shouts at decibels louder than the average pony can listen to without going deaf. Plus, she tends to use 'the royal we' like she shares the opinion of her entire country."

Stats appear as W continues saying, "As an alicorn, her strength and magic are relatively stronger than the average pony. She can easily crack the earth just by stomping on it. Her magic is capable of generating lightning bolts, levitation, transformation, and animating inanimate spiders."

"Though, she's kind of a peacemaker at heart. She tried to reach the hearts of children and gain the approval of handshakes with her subjects. Unfortunately, her habits of old come across as threatening and intimidating. Or maybe that's fortunate, because she can also use those habits to show authority."

"She can open holes in magical shields and can fly for long distances. Her unique magic allows her to raise and lower the moon each night."

"This here is a royal emo."

A deadpan cut scene shows Luna saying, "Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm."

---Death Battle---

"All right," W declares, "the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Court's in session!" yells B, "It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!"

---Death Battle---

The title card splits and the viewers are led to a double door. It opens up to reveal a large courtroom filled with people talking loudly about everything and nothing. This is interrupted by a closeup of a gavel hammering down three times.

"Court is now in session," says Judge Udgey, "Are the presiding parties ready?"

"The defense is ready, your Honor," states the man who is not a porcupine.

"As the prosecution, we are ready," states the tall, dark pony.

"FIGHT!"

"Very well," affirms the judge, "Prosecutor Luna, would you please inform the court about the case?"

"Certainly," states the Princess of the Night, "On the afternoon of May 16, 2012, a terrible crime had taken place. The defendant, Tundra Stanza murdered the genre known to the public as H.I.E. Here is the remains of that damage."

*Flaming comments and sickened photos were added to the Court Record.*

"My goodness!" exclaims his honor, "This is like reliving a nightmare."

"Indeed," agrees Luna.

"So who is your first witness?"

"We believe that the perfect candidate for explanations is the accused perpetrator, Tundra Stanza."

"The defendant? Well, all right. Does the defense object to this?"

"The defense has no objections," states Phoenix with an unreadable expression.

"Very well," says the judge, "Please bring Ms. Stanza to the stand."

A black alicorn with a purple mane has taken the stand. Although she has both horn and wings, she is no bigger than the average pony.

"Witness," orders the princess, "Thou shalt offer thy name and thy occupation."

"M-my name is Tundra Stanza," says the small mare nervously, "Uh... I'm a song performer and an author."

"Please give the court a full testimony about thy whereabouts and actions taken on the date in question: May 16."

"U-um, okay."

Witness Testimony

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."
"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

"Hm..." contemplates his honor, "There seem to be some things missing from that testimony, but I'll let the defense figure that out. Mr. Wright, if you'd please."

"Yes, your honor," says Phoenix. While on the outside he appears calm, his thought process says otherwise.

Tundra, I can't help you if you're not honest with the court and right now you've let a really big piece of information slip under the radar just to preserve your image. If I don't point it out, the prosecution will and that won't be pretty.

Cross-examination

"I was on my way over to the library with Twilight."

"Hold it!"

"Who is Twilight?" asks Phoenix.

"Twilight Sparkle," reiterates Tundra, "She's a new friend of mine. She's actually Ponyville's librarian and she actually lives in the library."

"So the library's a house too?"

"OBJECTION!" The camera pans to the source of the Royal Canterlot tone as she continues, "This idle chit-chat hath nothing to do with the case at hand."

"I'm afraid I have to agree," comments Udgey, "Please stay on topic, Mr. Wright."

"Yes, sir," says Wright sheepishly.

"There had been a really long party prior to that."
"I think that's where I got my cutie mark after discovering my talent for music."
"After we went to bed, I was woken up by the Nightmare blasting me with magic."
"Then I fell unconscious for few hours."

Inside the Court Record, Phoenix finds a certain piece of evidence that shows Tundra clearly awake after the magical blast. Phoenix Wright presses y and presents "The Title Drop" hoping for a positive result.

"Objection!"

"You claim you fell unconscious for a few hours," clarifies Wright, "So why does this picture show you wide awake and singing openly during the minute after you were blasted?"

"Augh!" yelps the defendant as one of her feathers go flying, "W-w-wait a sec," she continues, "That's not... I mean..."

"Actually, you don't need to tell me. You were fully awake singing the extended version of the intro theme song, weren't you?"

"How could I slip?" she asks as she folds her wings in shame.

"Well done, Mr. Wright," coolly states the princess, "You've managed to break thine own client."

"But it gives proof that she didn't commit murder that night," counters Phoenix.

"Not in the conventional sense of the word, no," agrees Luna, "However, she has beaten the H.I.E. group to a bloody pulp."

"Objection!"

"You don't have any proof of that. All you've got is a list of internet comments. In a world where anyone can say anything, that means nothing."

"OBJECTION!"

"You don't have any proof of the opposite. Your objections may have more flare, but they lack the proper facts to back them up."

"I can't take this anymore!" screams the mare on the stand, "I'll admit it! I'm a horrible thief."

A shot of Phoenix flashes to a shot of the Judge which flashes to a shot of Luna which flashes back to Tundra Stanza.

"What?" ask various voices in the courtroom though unidentifiable.

The defendant holds her head down as she cries in tears, "I had the idea since February to write about my ventures. But then a hundred stories popped up with similar ideas and then a thousand. There was nothing I could do to make mine original, so I stole concepts and mixed them u-huh-up."

There's an awkward silence in the courtroom aside from the wailing of Tundra.

"Another one of these I see," sighs Udgey, "We'll have to give you a separate trial for that case. Ms. Luna, you'll be in charge of prosecuting then as well."

Phoenix looks like he's sweating while Luna appears wide-eyed.

"Well, I see no reason to continue this case," the judge clears his throat, "I'm ready to declare my verdict. For the case of genre murder, I find Tundra Stanza..."

...

Not guilty

Confetti falls as cheers go around. The gavel slams again.

"Court is adjourned," declares his honor.

"Punishment reduced!"

---Death Battle---

"Well, if that wasn't colorful language," comments B.

"Both combatants had chords of steel in the courtroom," reflects W, "It even looked like Luna's diplomatic immunity would help her win the case, but Phoenix was able to counter with a few choice 'objections' of his own. In the end, his client gave up and admitted to her crimes, resulting in charges for robbery and copyright infringement."

"But Luna was supposed to get the defense the death penalty for murder so she kind of failed too."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Phoenix Wright and Princess Luna are shown side by side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

Well how about that? The director pulled together an episode too long with a court case too short. Irony bites.

A/N: By the way, my OC was a guy before going into Equestria. Transgender transformations are kind of new to me as an author, but I feel confident that I can make it work. I just have to deal with several comments of negativity. Nothing new, really.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. As always, chapters and updates have no set frequency.

P.S. For those of you wondering why Phoenix didn't recognize the name Twilight, it's because the Phoenix Wright and Friendship is Magic crossover is non-canon. So he wouldn't necessarily know Twilight in my story. Anyway, a big shout out to the user PWaaMLPfim on Youtube. That project looks pretty darn good.

Dilan vs. a Junior Speedster

A/N: Oh, good grief. What have I done? If it's not one thing, it's another. I need mental help.
Oh and *spoiler alert* there's the teeniest, tiniest, bit of a chance that some blood will be spilled. Just thought it would be fair to warn you.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix. (Oh, and I guess one line from Sega.)

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (28)

---Death Battle---

~My kingdom, I'm the knight of the wind.~ *Pop.* Uh... *stashes replica of Caliburn* you saw nothing.

Tornadoes, twisters, and vacuum chambers fill the screen.

"You know, for something we can't see," opens B, "the wind sure packs a punch."

"And today," adds W, "we're pitting two combatants that use the wind to their advantage."

"Xaldin the Whirlwind Master."

"And Gilda the Gryphon."

"Who's up for eagle drumsticks?"

"I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A man with some crazy, long hair braids and wearing a black cloak is shown on screen.

"Xaldin is No. 3 of Organization XIII," introduces W, "Like the rest of the Organization members, he is a Nobody, an empty shell of the original person after his heart was lost to darkness."

"He used to be Dilan," says B, "an apprentice of Ansem the wise and a guard of Radiant Garden. But now, Xaldin is a freaking bad*ss."

Stats appear as W continues, "He wields six lances, long ranged weapons that can somehow float and follow him wherever he moves. He is an elemental wind user capable of levitation and blasting back enemies using over pressurized air at lethal forces. His plan of attack consists of quick, multiple strikes. He can also reshape the pattern of his lances and wind to form a giant dragon-like entity that easily overpowers grounded enemies."

"He's not just a strong fighter. He's also got quite a level in persuasion. Hell, he even turned Beast against Belle and the castle servants in rage."

"Like the Dragoon Nobodies, Xaldin can perform jump attacks which are fairly difficult to dodge without a plan of escape. After he takes life-threatening damage, he can also perform the Limit Break attack known as Dragoon Storm. His lances swirl around him and deliver heavy blows of wind damage."

"Mph. Pfft. 'Heavy blows'. It's too bad for Xaldin that even with all that hot air, he can't take an elbowing from a certain woman when he tries to force a decision."

Indeed, the cut scene reveals Belle performing said elbow punch right into Xaldin's rib cage. She grabs the rose in his possession and then runs off.

"Good one, Belle!" congratulates Keyblade wielder Sora.

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal a creature with the head and claws of an eagle and the body of a lion.

"Gilda is a gryphon and old friend of Rainbow Dash from their days at summer flight camp," introduces W, "As far back as the tales in Greek mythology, gryphons symbolize courage, power, and majesty."

B points out, "So then why doesn't this gal have a crown?"

Various facts and figures appear as W continues, "A gryphon is a half-lion and half-eagle and can easily display the strength and ferocity of both predators. Gilda is no exception."

"In other words, it looks at you like cat food... or is that bird food?"

"Like nearly every creature capable of flight in Equestria, Gilda can walk and stand on clouds, though actual manipulation of said clouds is still unknown."

"So if I took a pair of clearly fake wings and stood on a cloud in Equestria, I wouldn't fall through?"

"She can jump fairly high and her average flight velocity is only slightly slower than that of Rainbow Dash's average."

"Sounds like my GPA."

"Gilda is fairly aggressive and impatient, though she does try to keep up appearances when around friends. That said, her patience has a very low limit."

"Six party pranks to be exact." A joy buzzer, spicy lemon drops, spittle glass, springs-in-a-box, trick candles, and a misplaced pin-the-tail illustrate B's comment.

"She refuses to take responsibility for any of her actions and has been witnessed committing petty theft, startling the elderly, and roaring down a local's face."

"Here, kitty, kitty!"

The final cut scene shows Gilda saying, "When you decide not to be lame anymore, give me a call."

---Death Battle---

"All right, the combatants are set," declares W, "Let's settle this debate once and for all."

"Gamefly!" shouts B.

"Wait, what?" Wait, what?

A/N: Wait, what?

---Death Battle---

"If you don't want to buy games," says B, "You can just rent games that you'd like to check out on Gamefly. There are no late fees and the monthly fee is relatively low for the quality of games you can find and play. You can rent out as many as 3 at a time by mail and when you're done with one, just send it back to get the next game on your customized list. If you want to keep the game you've rented you can choose to buy it straight from the site at a discounted price. Go to gamefly.com/deathbattle to get a 15-day free trial. But right now, it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!"

---Death Battle---

Uh... wow. I didn't expect him to throw that in. I thought we were done with ads. Ah, whatever.

The setting for this battle appears to be a very generic, dark, and stone bridge out in front of nowhere. It's apparently nighttime in any case. A black dome that is a corridor of darkness appears briefly before disappearing to reveal a man. He's wearing a black coat and his hairs are all in long braids. Meanwhile from the other side of the screen, a cartoon-like gryphon flies in before landing on her feet creating a large booming noise from the stone bridge.

"FIGHT!"

"Where's the fun in this?" asks Xaldin. He pulls out four lances out of thin air and holds them while two others float diagonally behind him. Blustery winds seem to follow his command and levitate him. Gilda looks unimpressed and then flares her wings in anticipation of a fight. She even lifts an index claw in a taunting "come and get me" motion.

No. 3 takes the bait and charges in with swirling lances. His lances swing through the air in various cutting motions. It's almost like he's dancing with the wind... if the wind consisted of knives. The gryphon for her part is managing quite well to avoid the direct sweeping attacks. She leaps over a low sweep, flies back from a lance twirl, and cleverly ducks under a few high, diagonal strikes.

Xaldin alters his attack pattern slightly by jumping into the air. He almost seems to vanish before reappearing directly above his enemy and dives with air pressurized underneath two of his lances. The sudden wind blast to the head stuns Gilda as she's smacked into the stone bridge that she was standing on. The Whirlwind Master performs another jump-and-dive attack and a few feathers are knocked clean off of the gryphon's head.

The organization member decides to jump again, but this time he does not disappear. Instead, his lances seem to encase tornadoes in a long serpentine form as he rides on its "head". It circles above the bridge a few times before holding a position on the left side of it.

"Wear the face of despair!" Xaldin calls. The serpent-shaped vacuum opens its "mouth" and releases a long stream of wind at high velocity. It makes a long sweeping motion starting from one end of the bridge as it heads toward the other. Xaldin's intent appears to be to hit the enemy along the way.

Gilda starts recovering from the earlier hits and shakes her head a few times. She then notices the wide, sideways tornado heading in her direction. Quickly, she starts flapping her wings and manages to fly high above where said tornado was aiming. She immediately follows up with a dive toward the man. Apparently, he had forgotten that she was capable of flight. Claws meet chest as Gilda rams Xaldin into the bridge. Feral instincts set in as she continues to swipe her claws against him.

He has taken much damage, but the Whirlwind Master still has one trick left.

With a flash of nearly invisible blue light, Xaldin is back on his feet and his lances circle around him creating wind bursts covering a five-foot radius. The gryphon who had been attacking on instinct is caught off guard and entangled by the sudden rushes of air. More feathers fly as Gilda is forced back a few feet.

With a single toss, the Whirlwind Master throws one of his lances in a javelin style and uses his wind to exponentially raise its speed. The sound effect of flesh being pierced is heard. A few squirts of blood leak out of her chest and back as Gilda falls in a heap. The lance has pierced her heart.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"D**n," says B, "That was a Death Battle."

"Aggressiveness is a trait shared by Xaldin and Gilda," reflects W, "But Xaldin's lack of a heart prevented any emotions from clouding his thoughts. He had a superior advantage in range right from the start. Even though Gilda managed to dodge some of Xaldin's more impressive attacks, her predatory nature led her rage to blind her. In the end, she wasn't prepared for Xaldin's Limit Break Dragoon Storm leaving her wide open for the final attack."

"Xaldin really blew her away."

"The winner is Xaldin." A picture of Xaldin appears with his name boldly printed underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Stay tuned for more battles to the death."

"Thanks for watching."

A/N: Huh. Now I feel kind of guilty. Maybe I'll make up for it by making sure no one dies in the next chapter. I don't know.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. I honestly don't know if that Gamefly offer is still available.

Bats! Bats On My Face!

A/N: Seriously, what am I doing? This character kind of doesn't exist except for maybe two minutes on the screen and I'm putting her in a Death Battle situation. And THEN I put her against the most uber possible opponent I could possibly find in all of anime.
*Sigh.* Okay, you know what? Fine. Let's just roll with this for a while. I'll live. Surely I can regain some of my sanity in other aspects of my life.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Funimation Entertainment.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (29)

---Death Battle---

So... this episode will equate to Dracula versus the Freakazoid? Huh.

Various insane faces and fanged mouths cross the screen.

"You know what the best monster is?" asks B rhetorically, "Vampires! Those blood-suckers are freaking nuts and we love 'em for it."

W adds, "This time on Death Battle, we're taking one of anime's most bloodthirsty vampires and pitting him against a foe that's been thought to be just as crazy by her fandom."

"Alucard, the nosferatu on the right side of 600 years."

"Will face Pinkamena Diane Pie, the delirious, depressed pony."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

The title card parts to reveal what looks like a white man wearing sunglasses and a red-brimmed hat.

"Born in 1431," starts W, "Alucard has gone by many names including Count Dracula and Vlad III Dracula. In 1944, he was dubbed Alucard by Arthur Hellsing, his new master. Then in 1989 when Arthur died and he had named his daughter Integra the head of the Hellsing Organization, Alucard's servitude transferred to her."

"Man," comments B, "My head hurts just thinking about it." Various facts appear on screen as W continues.

"Alucard was sent as Hellsing's most powerful agent to eliminate a vampire in the village of Cheddar. There, he confronted and shot the vampire priest before rescuing the life of police woman Seras Victoria, turning her into a vampire."

"Hey! If there's any chick vampires out there, can you 'rescue' me?"

"Alucard seems to hold a long rivalry with the Vatican priest Alexander Anderson. Though they hold opposite morals, they share a certain blood lust in trying to kill each other on a regular basis."

"Nothing says brotherly love like decapitation."

"Alucard has a plethora of powers and abilities even for most vampires. He has an ambiguous immortality, which has been speculated to relate to the reservoir of souls he's devoured to keep himself alive. But his regeneration is capable of bringing his physical body back to full strength even when he had no souls left to use. It's brought him back after being shredded to pieces, spilled in blood, and burned to ashes."

"I guess you could say, 'It's magic. He ain't got to explain *ess*t."

"He has enhanced abilities like superhuman accuracy, strength, speed, reflexes, and agility."

"He can phase through walls with intangibility, manipulate shadows, shape-shift, control weather, create illusions, teleport, use telepathy, read minds, summon blood soul familiars, and oh yes. He can suck blood."

"After absorbing Schrodinger during the Millennium incident, Alucard gained the ability to manipulate quantum reality, giving him a state of omnipresence."

"But even with all these crazed up, supernatural powers, that's still not enough for this nosferatu."

"That's right. Alucard has several centuries' worth of combat experience to expand his battle strategies. His weapons of choice are the Hellsing ARMS .454 Casull Auto and Hellsing ARMS 13 mm Auto "Jackal" pistols. They fire silver and mercury-core bullets respectively."

"And we haven't even mentioned his Release States."

"Alucard has six restriction states that, when taken to lower levels, allow him to reach deep down to some of his greater powers. It is believed that Integra holds direct authority over the 'Cromwell Approval' though this authority seems to be absent in the manga."

"Whew. I'm getting worn out just listening to all this stuff about him."

A cut scene shows Alucard saying, "I get it. There's absolutely no reasoning with you people which leaves me with no choice but to keep killing until there are none of you left standing."

---Death Battle---

The title screen parts to show a familiar pink pony. But something seems off about her.

"When she feels extremely depressed and alone," says W, "Pinkie Pie's mane becomes straighter and her coat loses its tint leaving behind the gloomy Pinkamena Diane Pie."

"And I thought this pony was insane when she was cotton candy," says B. Facts appear on the right of the screen as W continues.

"Pinkamena is on the borderline of her sanity. She attempts to give the same flare to party throwing as her happy counterpart with little success. She has fooled herself into thinking that a pile of rocks, a bucket of turnips, a lint ball, and a sack of flour are her 'real' friends."

"She even has a different tone of voice to animate each of them."

"While the rumors of her murderous nature are non-canon, she is known to have more physical strength than she does normally."

"She has enough muscle in her behind to crush a pony's head and to resist pushing forces."

"Though, she is just as capable as her joyful self to levitate upside down in midair, indicating that she still has the 4th wall breaking capabilities."

"She just doesn't enjoy it as much as Pinkie."

"Theory states that Pinkamena's existence began with her life on the rock farm, being buried temporarily at the sight of the sonic rainboom. Then she reappeared when her friends started avoiding her."

"And that's about all we've got on the hacksaw pony."

"B!"

"What? Oh... forget the hacksaw part."

A disturbing background scene shows Pinkamena saying, "Oh, they're not so bad," before her eyes perform two and a half derps. (Shout-out to Otaku Ascended for counting it that way.)

---Death Battle---

W declares openly, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "Let's get ready for a DEATH BATTLE!"

---Death Battle---

The setting is completely covered in darkness. For the sake of argument, we'll assume its a large empty room. Two spotlights flash on right after the other. They illuminate and reveal the forms of a man wearing a red fedora and a faded-pink pony.

"FIGHT!"

"What do we have here?" ponders the vampire out loud. He walks over to the other presence in the room. He leans down on one knee and takes a good, long look at the sad pony.

"I'm all alone," whimpers Pinkamena, "My friends... are gone. My life's passion is empty. There's nothing left for me. All I can do is wait around for death."

Alucard continues staring with an unreadable expression. He seems to consider something for a few seconds before he speaks again.

"I suppose you have choice then. Would you wait for a slow, painful death or would you rather accept the gift of vampirism?"

For a pony who's passion is supposedly empty, Pinkamena's eyes seem to light up as she punches Alucard in a 'shoryuken' fashion.

"A vampire? Are you crazy?" she nearly shouts, "I'd never join you!"

Surprisingly, the nosferatu's sunglasses and hat have vanished without a trace. His head cracks back into the upright position with a few loud pops. His red eyes glow as he laughs.

"Such a strong and defiant determination," he comments, "I like it!" He bares his fangs briefly in a grin before the spotlights that were shining on him seem to fade. What we can see are his white gloves held out in a strange hand sign. Multiple eyes appear on his shadowy silhouette before they blink shut.

Pinkamena calls on the powers from beyond comprehension pulling out a silver-bullet pistol. Somehow, she starts firing it at the darkness. A few shots actually hit Alucard's disfigured eye-form. But it too starts firing bullets from a Casull Auto pistol. The 4th wall breaking pony impossibly dodges the explosive pellets and hangs an upside-down levitated stance. The lights turn out completely as the vampire re-assumes his humanoid form.

We hear footsteps in a random direction. A blur of shaded pink falls down from the dark ceiling and there's a piercing noise. When the lights flash on, Pinkamena can be seen stabbing a silver two-handed sword through Alucard's stomach area.

"Really?" asks the vampire, "Really?" The pink pony pulls back. Although blood spills from the cut, the man's skin and suit regenerate at an alarming rate.

Alucard dons his fedora and sunglasses in disappointment.

"It seems only a human can rid the world of monsters," he sighs. He slowly walks out of the camera's view not looking back.

Pinkamena Diane Pie is all alone soaking in her misery. She drops her blade into her nonexistent inventory and resumes her doom-and-gloom posture. The spotlight shining on her soon buzzes a few times before blinking out.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"What the hell did I just watch?" asks B in bewilderment.

"Well, technically, Alucard had access to darker magic and more regenerative power. So he had the advantage, but then he left the battle field meaning the only surviving combatant left in the ring is Pinkamena."

"What a rip. I want a refund!"

"The winner is Pinkamena Diane Pie." A depressing photo of the pink earth pony is shown on screen with her full name printed underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Special thanks to takahata101 for providing the voice of Alucard."

"Thanks for watching.

A/N: In a direct confrontation, Alucard would easily overwhelm anyone. For all his canon appearances and capabilities, he's invincible. Nobody can compete with invincible. Yeah, sorry if this lacked the humor of previous chapters.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Next time, I'm hoping for a slightly more positive chapter. Though, I don't know for sure if that will be the case.

The Strong, Silent Type

A/N: *Sigh.* All right. Let's get this over with. Until the show gets some more antagonists, expect more of these improbable good guy vs. good guy fights.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (30)

---Death Battle---

...

I'm speechless.

Various characters from various media fill the screen.

"They say actions speak louder than words," starts B, "Well, if that's true than guys like these must be really loud."

"Like Big Macintosh of Ponyville's Apple Family," says W.

"And Link the hero of Hyrule."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A muscular, red, and cartoon stallion enters the screen wearing a large yoke around his neck.

"Aside from Granny Smith, Big Macintosh is the oldest family member on Sweet Apple Acres," introduces W.

"He's a man of few words and he means every one of them," states B matter of fact. Stats appear about Big Macintosh while W keeps talking.

"He doesn't run financial business. That's Applejack's turf. But he does pull his own weight plowing fields and bucking apple trees with possibly more than twice the strength that Applejack wields. Once, he even managed to pull an oxen-pulled anvil cart and an entire house with just his forward jumping momentum."

"I've heard of Red Bull, but Red Pony? That's ridiculous."

"For the most part, Big Mac calm and collected. He holds wisdom beyond that of her sisters and he prioritizes his family above himself."

"It's been hinted at that Macintosh is a bit of a repair man, though that remains to be seen. Speaking of things yet to be seen, I still want to know what happened off screen that allowed that stallion to create a huge explosion that blew back an entire pony mob."

"It's no exaggeration to say that he will use force when he deems it necessary, whether that means telling off three fillies for printing negative gossip about him or if it means obtaining a specific toy doll that he's fond of."

"He's a girl toy... that plays with girl toys. ...TOYCEPTION!"

There's a bit of a song cut scene where Sweetie Belle says, "Oh please, oh please, oh please say..."

"Nope," replies Big Macintosh. The Cutie Mark Crusaders let out a delighted gasp.

---Death Battle---

A man with an elven appearance and wearing a green outfit enters the screen.

"Whether he's part of two timelines or of multiple universes," starts W, "Link can immediately be recognized as the young savior of Hyrule."

"He never says anything but he means everything he shouts," comments B. Facts and figures appear to the right as W continues.

"Humble yet brave, Link is the rightful bearer of the legendary Triforce of Courage. It gives him the destiny of fighting off monsters and enemies that would make most others run away in fear."

"Destiny sucks."

"Link's primary weapon is the Master Sword AKA the 'Blade of Evil's Bane' which, as its name implies, can destroy evil. Over the years, he has learned several techniques with the sword to take on just about any foe."

"For defense, Link wields the Hylian Shield. It's perfect for warding off fire and minor frontal attacks."

"He also has a large inventory space where he keeps bombs, bows, arrows, water bombs, a ball and chain, the gale boomerang, a fishing rod, a lantern, oil for said lantern, and a hookshot."

"Yeah, screw sensibility. Let's let the protagonist carry everything all at once."

"There was also a point where Link came in contact with the Twilight Realm giving him the power to transform into a wolf. However, this ability was only possible with the aid of Midna and he cannot do so naturally."

"Oh well. When you've got an invisible backpack holding all sorts of weapons, I guess you don't need claws and fangs. Give me the hookshot any day."

"One of Link's most powerful attacks is the Triforce Slash. It targets an enemy with overlaying designs of the Triforce and allows Link to strike multiple times before sending the enemy flying. Any enemy caught in the slashes also suffers this fate."

"Looks like everyone's blasting off again!"

"While Link is smart enough to solve several different puzzles in the various temples, he doesn't seem to have any way out of helping Princess Zelda when she beckons for help."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Put out already, lady!"

The last cut scene doesn't need any spoken dialogue. Link delivers the finishing blow with his master sword as he jumps above Ganondorf's fallen body. The rest of the few seconds are filled with Ganondorf's deep scream.

---Death Battle---

"All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all."

"Screw Attack Advantage program!" shouts B.

"... Are you done?"

"Yeah. Time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

Looks like we're back to open field settings. There's nothing but grass on the ground on a bright sunny day. The red farm pony enters from the left of the screen as the elven man enters from the right. No words are spoken. Simple nods from either combatant signify that they are ready.

"FIGHT!"

Link wastes no time and closes the distance between them. Within one foot, he performs a spinning slash with his sword. Big Macintosh flinches but only for a second. He turns slightly before giving Link a buck. The sheer force from the kick knocks Link over and onto his back.

He grunts a little as he stands back up. He pulls out his Hero's Bow and fires an arrow. The stallion manages to turn just enough so that the arrow bounces off his yoke. He gallops forward. Link for his part starts throwing every ranged attack in his arsenal. Big Mac dodges a hookshot aimed to his right, a ball and chain thrown to his left, and a few bombs thrown around him. He's still charging strong.

Link then pulls out his Gale Boomerang and tosses it in his opponent's direction. Initially the tornado-like gust manages to lift the red farmer pony off his hooves and he hangs about a foot off the ground. But eventually the wind subsides as the boomerang returns to its thrower. Big Mac lands with nary a scratch and continues galloping.

The elf decides to take his chances and wields his shield proudly in front of himself. In range, Big Mac delivers a kick to the shield. While it does push Link back a few inches, he isn't fazed. He side-step rolls around the stallion and delivers an upward slash with his sword. Big Mac backs away from Link as the bruises he's taken start tolling on his health.

Both honest fighters are feeling tired right now as illustrated by their heavy breaths. With a bright yellow flash on the elf's hand, he launches into his final attack. Two triangular patterns appear around the stallion as the hero of Hyrule delivers several, rapid-fire slashes in diagonal motions. As he pauses for the final slash, Big Mac manages to shake his head to free himself of the dizziness, though not from the Triforce patterns.

For some reason, the camera pans to the left where we can't see the fighters. There's a white flash of smoke before we see Link flying away at an unbelievable pace. He screams as he soon disappears in a twinkle. Quickly panning to the right, the camera follows Big Mac following a similar flight path but in the opposite direction. The stallion lets out a much deeper yell as he too disappears in a star-like twinkle.

What just happened?

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Well, that was action packed!" comments B, "But what the hell happened there?"

"It was clear that Big Macintosh had an advantage in strength," reflects W, "And that Link had an advantage in strategy and variety. Both of them used their advantages expertly in this fight. But the raw power of their colliding final attacks made sure neither of them left this battle unscathed."

"Looks like they both found their place in the stars."

"This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both contestants appear with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

Credits roll as the Death Battle closing theme plays.

Thanks for watching.

A/N: Whew. Thirty chapters already in just over a month. If you had told me that's what was going to develop a month ago, I would have looked at you like you were crazy, but here we are.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. I'm sure the combatants are both fine.
...probably.

Chapter 31: Outtake #18

Warning: The following may include a spoiler to the author's story "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". It will also deviate from certain regulations that the author had previously established.
If this is problematic for you, please leave.
Thank you, and have a nice day.

Two alicorn mares, one black with an eighth note cutie mark and one white with evergreen armor, take their seats.

Tundra: Hello, every pony. Welcome to The Moment No Pony was Waiting For. Due to a rather embarrassing realization, the director won't be here today. Instead, Shirayuki here and I will cover director commentary. Say hello, Shirayuki.

Shirayuki: Pleased to make your acquaintance, viewers.

Tundra: Without further ado, let's begin.

Shirayuki: Primary properties belong to Hasbro and Screw Attack.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (Intermission 3)

---Outtake #18---

Boy, it sure feels weird having two directors, let alone alicorn directors. Oh, well. Another day, another battle.

Adventurers of various sorts take up the view of the screen.

Wait, hold up. What are those two doing in in the hosts' seats?

"I love a watching a good adventure," states F, "And besides myself, I'd have to say the best adventurer is the famous Indiana Jones."

"R-really?" squeaks N, "B-because I think that the story book character Daring Do was a terrific adventurer. No offense."

"Well then, there's only one way to settle this."

"How?"

"By throwing them into a death defying situation that will prove once and for all who the greatest is."

"Y-you don't mean..."

"She's N and I'm F and it's her job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

"W-wait, what's your job?"

"To sit here and grab a smoke."

"Oh."

"Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'll help analyze every... few lines. You're welcome."

"Um, thank you?"

---Outtake #18.1---

A bearded man wearing a hat, jacket, and holding a whip is shown on screen.

N nervously levitates her papers in front of herself and reads, "D-Dr. Henry Walton Jones, Jr. also known as 'Indiana' is a serial treasure hunter who's ventures are funded by Marshall College in Connecticut. Here, he works as a professor of archaeology."

"Or Barnett College, depending on if you watched in 1981 or 1989," intercepts F.

"R-right. Dr. Jones didn't just become an treasure hunter for no reason. His earliest ventures started in 1912 alongside his father. It was on these adventures that he gained a chin scar, ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), his hat, a bullwhip, and his nickname 'Indiana'."

"Courtesy of the family dog."

"Since then, some of his accomplishments include saving children and the Sankara stones from the Thuggee cult, keeping the Ark of the Covenant out of Nazi possession, preventing Nazi mystics from getting the Holy Grail."

"You hear that? It's because of Indy that Judaism and Christianity can even exist."

"F! Don't be mean."

"I'm not. I'm stating the facts."

"S-sorry, he's not usually like this."

"Yes I am and I'm PROUD of it!"

"A-anyway, Dr. Jones also managed to get the crystal skull out of Soviet agents' possession."

F is silent while he puffs away at his magically lit cigarette.

"His trademark weapon is the 450 series bullwhip. It's made from kangaroo hide and can be used to wrap around various things like stalactites and loose objects. Alternatively, it can be used to deliver a stunning hit."

"Whether it's a laceration or just the snapping sound effect."

"Dr. Jones also carries a Post World War I revolver which has changed design over the years. But now it can be confirmed that it is a Webley 1896 W.G. Army revolver, which fires .45 caliber ammunition. His experience in the Office of Strategic Services and as a United States Army Colonel back up his capabilities in intelligence-gathering and gunfights."

"I'd like to see Daring Do stand up to that."

"At least let me introduce her before you throw insults."

A scene shows Indiana Jones complaining, "Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes."

---Outtake #18.2---

A pith helmeted Pegasus with a gray mane appears on screen.

"Uh oh," says F, "Did some pony forget to color Rainbow Dash?"

"A-Actually," stutters N, "This is Daring Do, the main character of an entire book series. Her name is a play on the phrase derring-do which means 'brave, adventurous, and often reckless actions'."

"Hmm... nope, don't like her. Only I can be brave and adventurous."

N whispers, "...and reckless."

"What was that?"

"When she was introduced in Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone, she had injured her wing. But since then, it's assumed that it healed later in the series."

"Assumptions lead to mistakes. Mistakes lead to the grave."

"..."

"What? Am I not allowed to be philosophical once in a while?"

"Anyway, Daring has lightning fast reflexes and is capable of avoiding several lethal traps, similar to Dr. Jones' history."

"Similar doesn't mean *ess*t."

"She also has a watchful eye and a mind for puzzles. She can see patterns that most onlookers would never catch onto within the first minute."

"Indy could solve that puzzle in half the time."

"While she isn't readily able to take on multiple enemies of various strength, she can always find a way to escape overly convoluted, overkill traps."

"Let's see her military experience and her escape from the giant boulder. Then we'll talk."

"Are you finished?"

"Maybe..."

The cut scene shows Daring Do safely stowing the Sapphire Stone before calling, "Better luck next time, Ahuizotl!"

---Outtake #18.3---

"All right," N states with a bit more confidence, "the combatants are all set. Let's settle the debate for once and always."

F hollers, "Let's get ready for a Death Battle!"

---Outtake #18.4---

Strangely, the two combatants will not face each other, at least not initially. What is shown is a split screen where the treasure hunters will have to navigate and maneuver several puzzles and traps in order to obtain similar items. Then they'll have to get out of there alive. After that... well, you'll see. The Pegasus with a compass cutie mark and the man known to whip are at the first part of their respective stations.

"FIGHT!"

The first task appears to be deciphering hieroglyphics of some sort. After studying the ancient pictures, they seem to light up in a specific pattern, one square at a time. Then after that, both combatants reach a limb to touch the glyphs in that same pattern. Nothing seems to happen for a bit, but then a secret wall slides open revealing a hidden path. Daring Do flies through hers, while Indiana Jones steps lively through his.

They come across a giant, dark chasm. There are spikes deep at the bottom. Daring easily flaps her wings and flies over the division. Meanwhile, Indy finds a stalactite and snaps his whip to form a makeshift pendulum swing across the pit. Both treasure hunters land on the other side and continue on their way.

In the next room, they barely stop in time for the ceiling to drop a stone pillar in their way. It rises slowly until it returns to its original position. But within an instant, it's back on the ground. After seeing this pattern of vertical motions, Jones and Do take a forward dive as the pillar is in its "up" position. The pillar just misses hitting their rear ends (in Daring's case, her tail). Smaller pillars follow similar patterns ahead in the hallway. Around these, Indiana and Daring simply run and zigzag.

The split screen disappears and it seems that the two adventurers enter opposite sides of the same room. At the center lies a stairway pyramid leading to the resting treasure: the Eye of Agamotto. It moves as though it is in a living vessel but it remains shut like a sleeper's. It's kind of hypnotizing despite the fact that it is closed.

The hunters spot gaze at their target as they slowly approach the stairway. On opposite sides, they can't see each other until they start reaching for the Eye. At this point, Indy notices the tan hoof when Daring notices the hand. Their surprise is redirected again as a blue hand reaches from above them and grabs the Eye while they are distracted. The old nemesis Ahuizotl stands by a Nazi before both antagonists escape through an unseen corridor.

Our heroes must now face the unfortunately triggered trap. Boa constrictors and cobras start falling from the ceiling. Both treasure hunters immediately run for the conveniently placed doorway that closes after they head through. They're out of the frying pan and into the oven.

A giant boulder chases the adventurers as they gallop and run toward the cameraman. At this point, the footage gets weird leaving motion pictures for slide show projections. They depict an escape, a short battle sequence with the Nazi and Ahuizotl, and a proud Indiana Jones holding the Eye of Agamotto high as he rides Daring Do's back as she flies into the distance.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

---Outtake #18.5

"I liked that," says N with a smile.

"Well I didn't! That was a rip-off," grumbles F.

"What do you mean?"

"They solved their usual puzzles and found the treasure but didn't kill each other. What is this?"

"Well, at l-least no pony got hurt."

"And that's what's wrong!"

"You're kind of strange."

"Says the reincarnation of Nightmare."

"*Sigh*. This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both Daring Do and Indiana Jones show up on screen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

F whispers, "Bull*ess*t. Indiana would have won any day."

"What was that?" stares N accusingly.

F whistles an out-of-tune song before sticking another cigarette in his mouth.

---Outtake #18.6---

The Indiana Jones franchise was created by George Lucas and Paramount Pictures.

Thanks for watching.

Tundra: I've just received a letter from the director. It seems he really won't touch this story again until the third season.

Shirayuki: What a shame.

Tundra: Yeah. Oh well. Hope you readers enjoyed this episode and we'll see you next time. Say goodbye, Shirayuki.

Shirayuki: A pleasant farewell to all of you.

Tundra: Eh, close enough. Properties belong to their respective owners. The director gains no profit from this. So long.

Let's start with a BANG

Please make sure the Formatting setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Okay, I'm going to try out some new formatting for this and future chapters. I'm only going to show this key once so pay attention.

This color is what W is saying.

This color is what B is saying.

This color is what the narrator and other characters will speak in.

Underlined links like this will indicate a link that I suggest opening in another tab.

This color will mainly be reserved for Death Battle words like "Fight" and "K.O."

A multicolor word will usually be reserved for special instances such as "Friendship."

Other colors may appear for special occasions but they will be few and far between.

All right, now that I've gotten the text heavy exposition out of the way, let's get started with... well, more text heavy exposition. This is a fan fiction after all.
Properties used in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

I gain no profit from this.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(1)

Hey, folks! Great to see you again. Well, technically I can't really see you but you know what I mean. Anyway, it's wonderful to see Season 3 of MLP:FiM up and running. I hope you're ready to see characters duke it out in the ring because that's what we're here for.

Creatures of the sky that soar on wings like eagles fill the screen and change up with other pictures of winged beasts.

There's no question that heaven and sky have been the canvases of the arts for generations.

Today, I think we might just paint them red from our flying contestants.

Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty...

... and Pit, captain of Heaven's army.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

The original face of the brony community appears in all seven of her glowing colors.

Rainbow Dash
-A loyal and steadfast friend
-Pegasus pony
-Bearer of the Element of Harmony: Loyalty
-Can reach mach 5 and even mach 10 flight speeds
-Has a need for speed and flight
-Competitive and brash, arrogant and cocky
-Sonic Rainboom, Buccaneer Blaze, Rainblow Dry, weather manipulation

We're going to go ahead and assume that you missed this girl's previous Death Battles and give you a full rundown.

A flight school dropout, Rainbow Dash has taken up work as Ponyville's weather manager. As a Pegasus pony in Equestria, she can naturally alter weather conditions. She can clear through clouds simply by hitting them or use their contents. She can utilize a cloud's lightning and precipitation and she can create tornadoes.

It's a frigging girl horse toy on a frigging girl's show. I am not falling for it.

Judging from the mach cone that appears around her at top speeds, she is able to penetrate the sound barrier. She easily reaches mach 5 while somehow not burning up from the resulting air resistance. After breaching mach 5, she can then use her signature technique: the Sonic Rainboom. It simultaneously breaks sound barriers and the visible light spectrum enabling Dash to fly at mach 10 speeds.

The sheer vibrations from the Sonic Rainboom can split solid rock and shake mountains. It can even be used to the same effect as a nuclear bomb if used close enough to the ground. Though, living organisms are still alive after the shock waves pass them.

Additionally, she also has a few other moves including the Buccaneer Blaze which is somehow able to create a bluish white explosion while off screen.

She may be a bit forceful when talking to others and she's a bit of a sore loser. Hell, she cheated in a race for best athlete.

Despite this, she's a caring friend that's willing to try and sympathize with a fellow pony that's feeling under the weather.

I see what you did there.

... and she's willing to see loyalty in her pet tortoise Tank over another animal's physical qualities.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Why is a cartoon pony so awesome?

"Danger is my middle name: Rainbow Danger Dash."

---Death Battle---

A boy with angel wings and a double-bladed sword takes the screen.

Pit
-Kid Icarus
-Head of the Guard in Palutena's Army
-Carries the Sacred Bow of Palutena which can split into two swords
-Wields the Three Sacred Treasures: Arrow of Light, Mirror Shield, and Wings of Pegasus
-Can fire homing, light-speed projectiles
-Confident, fearless, humorous, reckless, naive, and good hearted

Whew! That is one hot chick!

Um, B? You do realize that Pit is a guy, right?

Say what?!

Long ago, the goddess of darkness Medusa was punished for drying up crops and turning people into stone. Palutena, the goddess of light, transformed Medusa into a monster before banishing her from Angel Land.

Medusa got all pissed, teamed up with the Underworld, turned Palutena's forces into stone, and took over Angel Land.

Having no other hope, Palutena turned to the warrior Pit and helped free him from the Underworld dungeon. She gave him a bow with a somehow limitless number of arrows. And after taking down enemies through Overworld and Skyland, Pit defeated Medusa and received new armor, an older body, and a kiss from Palutena herself.

If he's already hit puberty, why does his voice still sound so high?

Along his travels, Pit has collected the Three Sacred Treasures. The Light Arrows are the strongest ranged weapons in his arsenal, capable of piercing through any enemy.

The Mirror Shield deflects enemy projectiles and can reflect Medusa's stone-cold glance.

And the Wings of Pegasus allow Pit to fly for an indefinite amount of time.

While he may be captain of Heaven's army, we're not letting him have his summon ability in this Death Battle. It's our show and we say "One-on-one means one-on-one".

Pit may be good hearted and have a good sense of humor, but he tends to be recklessly overconfident and quite possibly has Thor's superiority complex.

Which makes me like this guy all the more.

"I'm not an intern. I'm a messenger of the gods!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Rainbow Dash waits on a platform of clouds. She taps her hoof on the cloud impatiently. Finally in the distance, another winged figure decides to show up.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" hollers Pit as he takes a stand on the long patch of cloud.

"Ready?" asks Rainbow Dash.

FIGHT!

Separating his bow, Pit raises his two swords and charges in for the first attack. With a quick reaction, Rainbow flaps her wings and narrowly avoids getting sliced. She then proceeds to fly around in a pattern of fast passes. Pit attempts to defend himself with the Mirror Shield. Despite this precaution, a flurry of seven-colored trails cause him to flinch and slide around on the cloud.

Pit reattaches his blades into one piece and starts twirling it next to him. He lets out a familiar war cry.

"Hyayaya!"

Rainbow comes in for another pass but she gets knocked up by multiple hits from the bow. She somersaults backwards before flapping her wings to readjust her aerial position. She zooms off and starts racing around a group of clouds. After the clouds are spinning at speeds that Rainbow feels are satisfactory, she kicks each of them in toward Pit's position.

Pit takes his bow and pulls back his other arm. He aims an arrow of light and fires it off. The camera cuts to the incoming clouds. We see each and every one of the clouds get dispersed by a light arrow piercing.

"You're not ready!" he taunts.

Grunting in frustration, Rainbow Dash dives in and uses the power that she can now use on command. Her Sonic Rainboom explodes and disperses all the clouds in Pit's general vicinity. However, he immediately responds by triggering his Wings of Pegasus. He hovers in the air with a smug look on his face.

Rainbow turns around and attempts to deliver more kicks. Pit manages to counter and parry by dividing his bow back into blades. This clash of blows continues for the next few seconds.

Suddenly, widescreen bars narrow the view that the audience can see before revealing a terrible event. Pit is too close in Rainbow's personal space... oh, and he seems to have sliced off the bone area attaching one of Rainbow's wings.

Realizing that she barely has seconds, Rainbow bites hard into Pit's wing and aims herself as straight down as possible. At his awkward angle, Pit can only repeatedly swing the flat end of his blades against Rainbow's head. Unfortunately for both of them, this only encourages gravity to pull more on her body. The speck of land is growing larger now.

Rainbow lands face first into the ground and- HOLY CRAP! That multi-colored explosion is huge! We can't see anything but smoke and debris flying everywhere.

...

As the smoke finally dies out, the camera zooms in on the unmoving Rainbow Dash in the crater-

"Oof!"

What the? Pit just collided with the lens and he's falling out of the visual.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

I...I'm speechless.

It was clear that Pit had the advantage in melee and ranged attacks early on. Rainbow may have more speed, but her impatience and rushing attitude made overcoming the strategist Pit impossible.

Still, Pit made quite a few mistakes that prevented him from winning either. He tried using the Mirror Shield, but probably anyone could've told him that it's useless against non-ranged attacks.

And his overconfidence blindsided him from seeing the possibility of Rainbow Dash taking desperate last-minute measures.

Looks like Heaven and the weather team are going to need new captains.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"I'm the T to the W-I-L-I-G-H-T and ain't no other pony troll it up like me. I'm Twilightlicious."

Who could possibly try to best Princess Celestia's personal student in the way of literature?

*chuckles* After all, he's only number 6.

A/N:

(sort of) Official rules for this and future Death Battles

One side of the battle must exist in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon. Fan characters and OC will not be used unless there is enough irrefutable information that cannot be argued against. So OP ponies like Nyx and Alicorn Twilight Sparkle are disqualified. Facts about their abilities are a bit blurred.

One side of the battle must exist in a canonical outside source and/or be an actual person that has enough information that can be easily obtained and visualized.

Powers that have been given to a character in another fan fiction but not in the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are not given to the characters in this particular work. I'd like these battles to be as "realistic" as possible. It's a sort of insurance that the battles are fair even in the face of biased opinions.

Pinkie Pie can break rule 3 whenever she wants. I cannot control that pony. She is so random that the walls with larger numbers than four are starting to show signs of wear and tear.

Hi, every pony!

Ugh. See what I mean? No control.

Certain chapters may suffer OOC, a rare disease that only affects stories that wish to provide humor in a way that may or may not actually be amusing to the audience. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyway, now that I've gotten the gist of the rules out of the way, I'm going to offer some friendly advice.

If at any point you find yourself not liking the way I write this for any reason,... I recommend that you go do something else instead of wasting your time reading what you may very well be calling a piece of crap. I'm only human. I'm going to make mistakes every once in a while. It's an unavoidable outcome of writing.

This kind of reading material isn't for everyone. Heck, it's going to describe deaths of our lovable cast of ponies from time to time. However, if occasional mistakes in the facts and the squirts of blood don't deter you, then carry on reading.

I'm TundraStanza. Thank you for your time.

Never Ending Entropy

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: There seems to be a trend of wanting more Discord in the comments. *Sigh* I told myself I wasn't going to do any more fights with him. Yet, this is how it has to be I guess. Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel Comics.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(3)

Ho boy! I'd be lying if I said I knew for sure what developments this battle will bring.

GLaDOS, Kefka, Sheogorath, Fawful, and Psycho Mantis grace your screen with their presence.

I guess it's true what Erasmus said. Everyone has some degree of insanity. But there are some that have a really high degree of it.

Today, we're pitting two of the craziest, chaotic, and possibly insane characters that have ever graced the public's attention.

Shuma-Gorath, the god of chaos in the Marvel universe.

And Discord, the master of chaos in the Equestrian universe.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Shuma-Gorath
-Demon
-"He who sleeps but shall awake"
-Lord of Chaos
-Immortality and mysticism
-Takes a tentacular form
-Superhuman strength and resilience

Several millions of years ago, the Class Three demon Shuma-Gorath came to Earth along with the rest of his race "The Old Ones".

Over the course of several millenia, many tried to contain or slay him like the sorcerer Sise-Neg, the god Crom, Conan the barbarian, and especially Dr. Strange. But, time after time, he came back to try to take over the world.

The Lord of Chaos usually takes the form of an eyeball with flexible, hard-hitting tentacles. His powers of mysticism give him strong projectile attacks like the Mystic Ray and the Mystic Stare.

He can curl up and roll over his opponent as a spike-ball and his Hyper Mystic Smash shoots out smaller versions of those spike-balls from within himself.

But even that pales in comparison to Shuma-Gorath's ultimate attack. By ensnaring his opponent inside a bubble made of his entire body, he traps them in the Chaos Dimension and destroys them with a devastating tornado.

Shuma-Gorath is an immortal entity. His only notable defeats were through banishment to alternate dimensions like the cancerverse. The only weapon that can potentially kill him is the Spear of Destiny which was the same spear that was used to pierce the skin of Jesus after he died on the cross.

Wow, B. I didn't know you studied theological history.

There are a lot of things about me that you don't know, W.

Eh, fair enough.

"You are an embarrassment to demons everywhere."

---Death Battle---

Discord
-Draconequus
-Master of Chaos and Disharmony
-Shares similar characteristics with "Q"
-Can manipulate reality almost effortlessly
-Has been sealed in stone by the Elements of Harmony twice
-Signature chaos manipulation: cotton candy clouds filled with chocolate milk rain

At first glance, Discord doesn't really seem like an intimidating villain.

That's a pretty d**n accurate glance, since all he ever does is float around laughing his head off.

However, his discombobulated appearance hides a deeper intellect that's perfect for disrupting the natural harmony of Equestria. Discord is a draconequus, a creature composed of body parts of a dragon, a horse, and several other creatures.

This lord of chaos takes a page straight out of Q's script in personality, cryptic nonsense, and reality bending.

While his mastery over the power of chaos seems virtually limitless, he tends to stick around a few constants. His favorite warping of the natural order seems to be creating clouds made of cotton candy that rain chocolate milk.

But he'll never know what that tastes like since he can only drink solid glass.

He takes pleasure in removing the color spectrum from ponies and as a result removes their positive qualities.

He's got unbound teleportation and powers that imitate no_clip, gmode, and a day-night light switch. Basically, anything you can imagine, he can do.

Despite his vast power, he does have a few drawbacks. He almost never takes combat situations seriously and his overconfidence has led to him being trapped in suspended animation by the Elements of Harmony... twice.

Yeah, great job putting those necklaces and tiara right into the enemy's possession.

In spite of his flaws, Discord's laid-back personality and intelligent insanity will always leave the opposition guessing.

Expect the unexpected.

"Discord rules, Celestia drools."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

On some abandoned street in a ruined city grounds is where we find the setting of today's match. A green, slimy entity oozes into the view of the camera before lifting itself on pointed tentacles. A purple eye opens in the center of this thing.

"Who dares to challenge the mighty Shuma-Gorath?"

A different voice guffaws as a flash of light reveals the second challenger. With a deer antler, goat horn, and red pupils in two unevenly shaped yellow eyes, there's no doubt that this is the draconequus that terrorized Equestria in the past.

"Twists and turns are my master plan. Try and beat me if you can."

"FIGHT!"

"Mystic Smash!"

Shuma-Gorath curls his tentacles close into himself as he seems to leap at his opponent. Thorns decorate his exterior just before he collides with Discord's head. Discord looks hardly fazed from the initial strike, but the demon is only just starting as he whips out his tentacles in a flurry of... uh... kicks(?)... er... punches(?).

A/N: You don't need to be exact with your descriptions, narrator.

Well, whatever. Shuma-Gorath jumps away from his opening attack and tries firing his purple Mystic Ray. Grinning, Discord curls his body in a way that he can lazily dodge the attack. Straightening back up as much as he usually does, he snaps his claws. This creates a flash just above his opponent. A pink cloud starts raining brown liquid that's only dangerous to the lactose intolerant. Shuma-Gorath only seems irritated emotionally, not physically.

The sun is suddenly out, shedding some light on this otherwise dark street. Snapping his claws again, Discord summons an army of... buffaloes in tutus? What is this? I don't even. Luckily for the battle action, Shuma-Gorath is less weirded out and prepares a counter measure.

"Hyper... Mystic Smash!"

A cluster of spike-covered eyeballs are launched out of Shuma's center. Each buffalo is bowled over by one of them. Though, the sun has mysteriously vanished and is replaced by a moon during its last quarter phase. Discord snaps again and Shuma is teleported in a white light. He reappears in a... snow cone(?) in Discord's paw. Letting loose a bit of steam, Shuma shouts.

"Enough!"

A large pair of jaws with fangs emerge from Shuma-Gorath's center. They bite Discord's midsection and a red bubble-like object surrounds the draconequus. Through the translucent layer, the camera can see that Discord is genuinely intrigued by this turn of events. Shuma's eye appears just above the center of the bubble.

"Welcome to... the Chaos Dimension!"

Suddenly, the bubble form is released as a giant green tornado whirls around and spreads gunk in several directions all over the street. Shuma-Gorath reforms in his eyeball, tentacular form.

"You are an embarrassment to chaos lords everywhere," he states matter-of-factly.

"Well, sorry if I don't play by their rules," chuckles Discord as he reappears in a white flash, levitating just above Shuma.

Waving a limb this time, Discord's power raises flying pies out of absolutely nowhere. The rulers of chaos are carried upward on two of said pies. Gathering more of his strength, Shuma uses his eye to scan the entire pie-filled scenery.

"Hyper... Mystic Ray!"

His wide-ranged, purple laser of death turns the mass of pies into crumbling pieces that are burned black. Though, it's at this point that he realizes that there's nothing supporting him in the thin air.

"Bye-bye," waves Discord as Shuma plummets to the ground below. His scream is only silenced by his impact.

Shuma-Gorath slowly lifts himself up with a few of his tentacles. Discord appears in front of him in a white flash.

"You..." Shuma's voice sounds like a whisper, "You think that you can beat me in my own game?"

"Oh, but that would imply that I had any chance of losing," smirks Discord.

"As you will soon see..." starts Shuma.

"Good luck with that," quips Discord snapping his claws again. The visual whites out, and the camera sees Shuma-Gorath in some blank, white realm. He closes his eye and crosses two of his tentacles like a person would cross their arms.

“So thou knowest the essence of Shuma-Gorath, eh, Discord? Aye... evil! Ancient, timeless…patient…evil! And Shuma-Gorath doth know thee.”

He cackles as his essence starts to take refuge into this dimension, reshaping it to his liking.

"Continue?"

---Death Battle---

Well, you can beat some of the people some of the time, but you can't beat all of the people all of the time.

Truer words have never been spoken, B.

So sorry to interrupt gentleman.

What? What?

Muffled noises are heard and the visual of the battle's replay cuts to static.

...

The static cuts back to reveal the white realm which is a lot less white and a lot more of a sickly green color.

Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!

---Death Battle---

"Continue?"

"Yes!"

Huh? I thought the match was over. Well, okay. *ahem* Shuma-Gorath starts warping the dimension he's in until he oozes through a pore into the dimension in which the battle's setting is. Meanwhile, Discord is lying down in a hammock attached to two palm trees that have somehow taken root in the street's tar. The noise of Shuma's return causes the draconequus to stop sipping his coconut milk of cup and lift his sunglasses in surprise.

"What's this?" Discord asks.

"I can bend all of reality!" shouts Shuma-Gorath spreading his tentacles to reach all around the environment, "What hope did you have to defeat me?"

Discord yawns, "I grow bored of these so-called powers of yours. I'm going back to messing with ponies."

With a snap from his claws, Discord is gone in a flash of light.

"This world will be mine!" shouts Shuma-Gorath to the empty air.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

That Discord may have been a handsome devil, but he lacks any motivation to finish what he started. That is why the winner of this Death Battle is none other than Shuma-Gorath!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled reading, you pathetic wastes of flesh.

---Death Battle---

That was... fairly uncomfortable.

That was the second worst "bad touch" I've ever experienced.

What was your first?

My ex-wife.

Ah.

A white light flashes on screen.

Discord's back, my little show hosts! Did you miss me?

A/N: Oh, I give up! *Flips a random table and leaves*

Huh. What's with him?

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

And now...

The moment...

You've all...

Been waiting for...

...

...

Wait, what?

You've got to be kidding me.

---Death Battle---

A/N: Picture by AniRichie-Art.
I gain no profit from this. Opinions expressed by Shuma-Gorath and/or Discord do not necessarily reflect the opinions of "The Moment No Pony was Waiting For" or anyone associated with it. Viewer discretion is advised.

Hey, If They Can Make Musical Teens Fight...

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: This chapter was written for satirical and entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the Screw Attack staff or those of the author. No fictitious characters were actually harmed in the making of this chapter as "Death Battles" are to be treated as simulations and nothing more.
Thank you.

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Martin Handford.

This episode of Death Battle was brought to you by audible.com.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(4)

A couple of you viewers out there wanted this. I don't see why. This is going to be the most boring "Battle" in history.

Pictures that resemble abstract art flow along the screen.

Today we're giving viewers at home one of the battles that you suggested.

Personally, I think these two belong in a kid's "Find-it" book. But hey, you wanted to see them fight. So now you're going to get it.

The first notable animation error of the G4 Pegasus ponies: Derpy Hooves.

And the pop-culture sensation that's always out of sight: Waldo.

He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Derpy Hooves
-Pegasus pony
-Cutie mark: a cluster of bubbles
-Favorite food: Muffins
-Kind, caring, and willing to help
-Off-centered eyesight and slightly clumsy
-First appearance with intentionally off-center eyes: S1E15

The Pegasus that's been through name changes just to please angry mothers defending their mentally ill children, Derpy Hooves has found her place in the hearts of many-a-pony lovers.

This pony may have amblyopia or something. There's nothing official on her condition yet.

She has been seen working with the weather such as group tornadoes and solo thunderheads, though her electrical control leaves something to be desired.

Not to mention, she somehow inherited Peach's powerful *ss.

Yes, she clearly has much strength behind her if she can take down the foundations of an entire town hall.

This mare has past experience as a delivery pony. Though, she probably didn't keep her job after losing a flower pot, an anvil, a piano, and a hay bale cart.

Derpy has the tendency to appear just about everywhere in the background where only the most observant viewers expect to see her. She's also commonly confused with another background pony nicknamed "Cloud Kicker".

And her eye condition seems to be contagious. Or, maybe these ponies just need to get optometrists. I don't know.

Yet despite her... uh, "perk", Derpy always manages to find something she can smile about.

Yeah, just give her some muffins... lots and lots of muffins.

"Anything I can do to help?"

---Death Battle---

Waldo
-Human
-Common articles of clothing: glasses, snow cap, red-striped sweater vest
-Is difficult to spot in a crowd
-First series debut in 1987
-Not known for his combat practice
-Has a plethora of family members that are just as difficult to find as he is

Ever as difficult to find as a needle in a haystack, Waldo AKA Wally is a gem among the hidden item genre.

How the hell is a guy wearing bright red stripes and a pair of glasses so d**n hard to find?

Although his species is human, Waldo heralds from the Land of Waldos in which more people with the name Waldo reside and they all look just like him.

So what does that make him? A hectuplet?

Waldo doesn't have any prior fighting experience. He prefers to stay hidden and blend in with the crowds from all over the world.

On occasion, he has been known to carry a bunch of miscellaneous gear on him.

Right. Various objects that have been in his possession have included a walking stick, a mallet, a backpack, a sleeping bag, binoculars, a snorkel mask, and a shovel.

When he's not walking his dog Woof or visiting his Mamma Waldini, this guy enjoys reading and collecting stuff during his travels. I wonder if he's a kleptomaniac.

Oh, come on, B. Just because a man enjoys collecting various junk doesn't make him a...

Look at those horizontal stripes! He's clearly a previously imprisoned thief!

*Sigh* Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you.

Somebody's gotta protect you from that red-hatted kleptomaniac.

He's not a kleptomaniac!

"The truth is... I don't think I've ever found myself."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

And just to make the battle more, uh... interesting, I've scattered a few random weapons around the arena.

You did what?

Audible.com!

---Death Battle---

If you're too blind or too lazy to read like me, then audible books may be the thing for you.

On audible.com, there are over 75,000 titles of books in several genres that can be downloaded anytime and anywhere.

Go to audiblepodcast.com/deathbattle for a free book download of your choice when you first sign up. It's free! What are you waiting for? Oh, wait. A Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A large crowd of various folks are going every which way along a sidewalk. One rather tall and light-weight fellow steps aside just for a moment to catch some breathing room. An unexpected crack of lightning causes the otherwise bored crowd to scatter. In surprise, Waldo looks up to see a rather out-of-place figure fly into view. Derpy's mouth is scrunched up as she's just flying in place looking at everything and nothing.

"FIGHT!"

Pulling his camera out, Waldo snaps a quick photo of Derpy as he runs away. Blinded in one eye, she shakes her head to make the stars go away. She flaps her wings and follows a few sporadic zig-zags and loops. In her flight pattern, she can't seem to avoid running into some precariously positioned objects along the rooftops.

As Waldo continues running along, he narrowly avoids getting smashed by several falling objects that just miss his heels. Bricks, anvils, and pianos... oh my! Where did that grenade come from? Waldo holds onto his hat as the shock waves from the blast send him rolling along the ground. He collides with a crate that was situated in his path and a shovel falls out next to him.

Who wrote this?

Anyway, he picks up the shovel when another collision sound catches his attention. Up above, Derpy has somehow collided in midair with a... music note item box(?). The screen grows dark as a rather catchy rhythm is heard. This is quickly followed by an Eastern melody.

There are roads
that every character
must travel.

A shadowy cloud appears and Waldo is standing in front of it. He holds his shovel with the spade end up. Wait... where's his hat? Whoops, no time to ponder! Changelings are jumping out of the cloud. By some stroke of luck, Waldo's shovel connects with the incoming changelings.

The screen suddenly cuts to a... martial arts dojo(?) where Derpy and some alicorn the same size as Derpy are following the instructions of a rapping dojo master. They kick the flower pots in a timely manner, though the alicorn's kicks appear much weaker than Derpy's.

The visual cuts back to Waldo slapping the changelings away with his shovel. They seem to be coming faster now. But, lady luck still has his back and a random spinning maneuver allows him to smack the entire wave.

We look again at the dojo and Derpy's in time and knocking the pots away with ease. On the other hoof, the alicorn is still struggling to keep up as the pots fly in faster and faster. Suddenly, a bowling ball flies into the two ponies' aims. Derpy practically giggles when she kicks her bowling ball. The alicorn barely manages to make the bowling ball stop and she silently cries in pain.

Wait... now we're at some golf course and Rarity and Sweetie Belle are wearing kimonos? B, what did you rig this arena with again?

And now Derpy's sitting in a different room eating muffins and swatting parasprites? What is this? I don't even...

The narrator faints as the screen returns to the dojo. This time, the trainees are kicking stuffed animal dolls while the second rap-artist gives the commands. The rhythm of incoming dolls seems pretty straightforward. At least, it is until two anvils fly in and smack the rappers in the face. Both Derpy and the alicorn look with concern at their respective masters.

Derpy is once again shown eating muffins to the beat while the parasprites just keep getting smacked back. In the background, Pinkie Pie is enjoying herself catching cupcakes with her mouth, until she suddenly chokes on an unexpected parasprite.

Waldo is shown taking out another swarm of changelings from the shadow cloud.

Back in the dojo, Derpy and the alicorn fail at shooting successful Hadouken and instead, hot air just seems to blow away from their hooves.

The changelings that Waldo's shovel smacks seem to be getting larger. He's kind of out of his league yet luck continues to aid his aim and timing.

Briefly, the audience is shown a clip of Roid Rage striking a pose while shouting, "YEAH!"

Waldo smacks another swarm of smaller changelings. How this skinny man is still standing, we'll never know.

Roid Rage strikes another pose with his signature cry, "YEAH!"

The changeling swarm now appears to be an army of Chrysalis clones. Waldo is beginning to sweat from all the swinging of his shovel.

We return to Rarity's practice on the golfing range as Sweetie Belle tosses her more gems. At an unfortunate moment, Rarity realizes that the last gem she has swung at was actually a poor baby dragon.

Waldo smacks another swarm of Chrysalis clones before they can cause any harm. The shovel's true material nature remains a mystery.

Now, the screen jump cuts to a clip of Waldo trying his hand at being a DJ. His first attempt, however, knocks his glasses right off his head.

Derpy is shown again eating muffins at a rather catchy beat and pace.

Waldo's DJ instructor has some inexplicable bumps all over his head. Waldo's second attempt at disc jockeying seems to correct his previous error.

Derpy is shown eating a couple more muffins to the beat. But then, a groan from a poor baby dragon is heard as he suddenly flies in and smacks Derpy over knocking her unconscious.

Waldo manages to spin around smacking the last of the changeling swarm with his shovel when it suddenly flies straight up into the air. He looks around for it for a second or two. Right as he looks up, the shovel buries itself right into his face and he falls over from the impact. Comically, Waldo's hat is tossed out of the fading shadow cloud and lands right on the shovel's handle.

The narrator recovers from his earlier faint.

Ow... what happened? Woah! Oh... my... gosh.

"M-m-m-m-monster K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B, remind me to never let you set up the arenas ever again.

Sure, no problem!

With neither combatant very savvy in fighting experience, it was only fitting that their contest would ultimately end without a true victor. Not only did their efforts take each other out, but they also managed to knock an entire swarm of changelings unconscious and injured two rapping martial artists and a disc jockey instructor.

Yep, this was totally hilarious all the way through.

*Shaking his head* I can't believe we actually set this match up.

Hey look, W! I found Waldo! Ha ha ha!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Welcome to the Velvet Room.

This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter.

It is a room that only those who are bound by a "contract" may enter.

Now then... why don't you introduce yourself?

...

"Yesss..."

A/N: Properties belong to their respective owners.
I gain no profit from this.
FLAME SHIELDS UP!
(Next Death Battle will be more serious.)

Are Yu Ready For This?

Please make sure that little setting in the upper right reads "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: This'll probably be the last chapter that I do based on past suggestions and/or ideas of my own. As always, feel free to leave suggestions in the comment section. Though, whether I use your suggestion or not is never certain.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Atlus.
By the way, spoiler alert for those that have yet to play Persona 4 and/or Persona 4 Arena. (And I guess a spoiler to those that haven't watched the season 3 opener for MLP:FiM, but come on. You had to have seen that, right?)

Opinions expressed in this chapter do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author or anyone else involved.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(5)

Tales of new and old often use the standard formula of good versus evil.

And this match is no exception.

Yu Narukami, the high school heart breaker...

Will face King Sombra the unicorn of hatred and fear.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Yu Narukami
-AKA Seta Souji
-Moved from the city to Inaba
-Courage: Heroic; Knowledge: Sage; Expression: Enthralling; Understanding: Saintly; Diligence: Rock Solid
-Ability to face his inner self and call upon the facade, the strength of the Persona
-Social links established: Fool, Magician, Priestess, Empress, Emperor, Hierophant, Lovers, Chariot, Justice, Hermit, Fortune, Strength, Hanged Man, Death, Temperance, Devil, Tower, Star, Moon, Sun, Judgement
-Can utilize The World Arcana
-Weapon: Two-handed sword

Forced to leave his home in the big city, Yu Narukami ended up staying with his uncle Ryotaro Dojima in Inaba. He started attending Yasogami High School and quickly found friends.

Though, it took some really weird circumstances to bring this bad*ss-to-be out of his shell.

Rumors of the Midnight Channel and a serial murder case eventually paved the way for Yu and his friends to actually enter another world inside the T.V. In this world, they discovered that facing their respective Shadows led to them obtaining the power of the Persona. The adventure of saving potential murder victims and solving the Inaba case had begun.

Because nothing says 'friendship' like saving the other person from a dark version of themselves that reveals their hidden feelings.

Narukami has earned much experience through the battles inside the T.V. Although, his versatility is arguably due to his social links developed in the real world with various other people. He can thank his best friends for being able to fuse some of his strongest Personas.

Each Persona belongs to one of the Major Arcana used in fortune-telling. His go-to Persona is Izanagi of the Fool Arcana. Just like his wielder, Izanagi wields a two-handed sword. Additionally, he has some of the best lightning attacks at his disposal.

And when he's finally ready to face the truth, he can use his ultimate Persona of the World Arcana: Izanagi-No-Okami. Its Myriad Truths attack is strong enough to shatter Izanami-no-Okami's fog illusion. Plus, its resistance to several elemental attacks doesn't hurt either.

Other Personas in Narukami's arsenal can shoot fire, ice, lightning, and strike attacks as well as absorb attacks of those natures.

While he does usually rely on his Personas inside the T.V. world, Narukami is far from helpless on his own. He is very skilled in swordplay and can easily throw a punch when properly motivated. Not to mention, his various school activities, jobs, extracurricular activities and his... *ahem* dates have raised his personal aspects to levels that others can only dream of.

And he wears a pair of glasses made by Teddie specifically designed to see through the murky fog of the other world. This has helped his accuracy plenty of times.

Yu Narukami and his friends have taken on several enemies including Shadows, berserk Shadows, two suspects of murder, and even entities that acted as physical embodiments of Japan's gods.

"~Yu... are the champion...~" (Sung to the tune of "We Are the Champions")

"I am far from empty!"

---Death Battle---

King Sombra
-Species: Unicorn
-Took over the Crystal Empire and enslaved it
-Was turned to shadow and banished to the Arctic North
-Powers derive from fear and hatred
-Can grow dark crystals out of pretty much anything
-Can create illusions so that victim experiences their worst fear
-Defeated by the high spirits of the crystal ponies being channeled into the Crystal Heart

A Mexican villain, huh? I guess we were due for one of those.

He's not from Mexico, B. Over a thousand years ago, King Sombra ruled over the Crystal Empire through fear and slavery.

But his name sounds like sombrero! You cannot tell me that there's no connection.

Harnessing ancient magic, the princesses Celestia and Luna turned him into a shadow and exiled him to the Arctic North.

Aw, isn't that nice of them? That's practically sending free tacos to Santa Claus.

But his thousand-year disappearance wasn't without consequence as the Crystal Empire disappeared as well.

No illegal immigrants means no fast food.

W seems a bit irritated but does his best to ignore B's running joke.

Fast forward to the present day and the Crystal Empire had returned. Sombra almost succeeded in taking over again before the combined efforts of Princess Cadance, Spike, and the crystal ponies helped restore love and joy to the empire.

Fiesta time!

*Ahem* Sombra is a unicorn whose magic is deeply rooted in fear and hatred. This is apparent in the darkness and shadowy nature that he takes.

Yep. Mexico is full of hell all right.

He can literally grow dark crystal pillars, spikes, and stalagmites from virtually nothing and he can conjure doors that lead his victims to experience their worst fear.

It shows them being raped and robbed?

No! It depends on who the victim is. Anyway, his dark crystals can also act as a barrier that prevents other unicorns from teleporting out of them.

No escapo!

And unlike the other powerful beings that have threatened Equestria in the past, he doesn't need to be up in the face of the empire's subjects. In fact, the mere thought of him provokes fear and submission in the crystal ponies.

Well, those Mexicans are scary.

Okay, B, that's not funny.

Funny? Who's trying to be funny?

Ugh.

It sounds like W performs a face palm.

"My crystal slaves..."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Black rectangles float out from a white screen before the entire visual is engulfed in white. It appears that the curtain pulls back from a stage area as a high school student walks on stage. He moves one finger to readjust his glasses. A cloud of black smoke appears on the opposite side of the stage and a fanged smile of a black unicorn head floats in the middle of it.

"A Shadow?" wonders Yu Narukami aloud, "Alright, let's go!"

Yu pulls out his sword and tosses the sheath off-stage.

"FIGHT!"

Charging forward to test the waters, Yu runs forward and swings his sword through the faced smoke cloud three times. When he pulls back, he's surprised to see that his blade is covered in black rocks. While he's distracted, a dark crystal pillar grows up from just underneath. This sends Yu's sword flying off screen.

"All right then," he says while holding his open palm up, "Let's try this!"

A card starts floating midair. On one side is a picture of a mask. On the other side, there is a "0" at the bottom while the picture appears to be some humanoid silhouette carrying a bindle. As the card spins, it floats just above Yu's hand.

"Persona!"

Yu practically crushes the card. It vanishes as what appears to be blue fire starts flowing through Yu's fingers. From just above him, another figure appears. It resembles a tall, masked man wearing a black jacket and carrying a giant sword. A spark of light seems to flash across Yu's eyes as he calls his other self.

"Izanagi!"

The summoned Persona spreads out his arms and unleashes lightning all over the battle field. The shadowy cloud that is Sombra appears to dissipate around the lightning strike, but not completely. Meanwhile, another lightning bolt hits the dark pillar of earlier practically shattering it. The stranded sword falls to the stage floor.

The smoke reforms slightly to show Sombra's evil chuckling. Then, it starts floating away via a doorway on the right side of the stage.

"Hey! Get back here!" shouts Yu. Izanagi disappears as Yu runs across the stage and picks up his sword. He continues running along and heads out the door.

He stops for a moment and notices the extremely tall staircase that leads down to who-knows-where. He lets out a small sigh before starting to run down the stairs. This could take him a while.

Please contemplate the meaning of life while we play this song that represents the amount of time it takes to run down these stairs without tripping and falling.

And we're back. A quick look via zoomed-out camera angle shows Yu pausing for breath about halfway down. He hears an animal's howl and looks up to see another one of his Persona cards. This one also has the mask designed back. Unlike Izanagi's card, the front has the Roman numeral "IX" and a picture of a hanging lantern with a half-open eye under it. Yu reaches up and clenches his fist.

"Arahabaki!"

The card shatters as blue flames erupt from it. The Persona that emerges from this card sort of resembles a giant stone idol that's levitating. It starts to slowly descend straight down the center of the staircase. Yu hops onto its shoulder before it gets too far.

Within a few seconds, Arahabaki is floating above the floor at the bottom. There's one door at this level. Yu hops down from his Persona to investigate. However, as soon his fingers touch the door's handle, the entire frame seems to shift the door to another section of the wall. Naturally, Yu lets out a mutter of confusion. He walks over to where the door is now and tries to open it again. For a second time, the entire door frame slides along the wall out of immediate reach.

Deciding he's had enough nonsense, Yu points a fist toward the door's current position. Arahabaki's yellow eyes release some sort of attack that somehow hits the crystal door piece just on top. Yu forcibly opens the door and heads through as Arahabaki vanishes.

"Narukami!"

The familiar shout surprises him. He looks around the fog-covered floor. Shadowy arms are grabbing what appear to be his friends and dragging them into the floor.

"No, this can't be happening again!"

Chie Satonaka falls through, followed by Yukiko Amagi, Rise Kujikawa, Kanji Tatsumi, and Naoto Shirogane.

"Sensei!" cries Teddie as he's dragged to his doom.

"You didn't think you had actually won, did you?"

Yu is startled before turning around to see the tall, white, and mummified goddess known as Izanami.

"What are you doing?" Yu shouts, "We already beat you!"

"Mere illusions of satisfaction that you created for yourself," Izanami replies, "Just like I thought you would."

Several shadowy hands fly out of the ground and grab Yu. He can only stare in horror.

"Look out!"

With impeccable timing, Yosuka Hanamura shoves Yu Narukami away from the dark hands. Unfortunately, these same hands grab Yosuke instead. He looks to Yu and wears a sad smile.

"Sorry I couldn't do more, partner," he apologizes as he gets dragged under.

"Yosuke!" shouts Yu, "Yosuke!"

He kneels down and pounds the floor in frustration.

"No!"

"No..." whispers Yu as a tear drips down from his currently green eyes with red irises.

He's been staring at that blank wall for a while now. I'm beginning to worry about him.

Another card floats down near Yu. This one is marked by the Roman numeral "V" and has a picture an upward pointed spear piercing three clubbed sticks. Slowly and completely unaware, Yu's arm reaches up and shatters this card into blue fires. A golden, Eastern Asian dragon appears that holds red and blue orbs in its claws. Said orbs glow brightly before the crystal above the door shatters.

Yu blinks and his eyes recover their original colors. He looks around, just now realizing where he still is. He then looks around to see his Persona, Kohryu. He turns back to the doorway. Its illusion has been shattered, leaving a clear path to the actual room. More cautiously this time, Yu walks down the hall as Kohryu fades.

Upon entering this new white room, Yu easily catches sight of the cloud of darkness floating at the other end.

"You're going to pay for that," declares Yu flatly as he starts charging forward.

Sombra chuckles as he calls forth a dome of black crystal, trapping Yu inside.

"Rakshasa!"

Several slash lines appear before the dome shatters into several pieces. Yu and his Strength Persona are revealed. Rakshasa looks like a dual-wielding swordsman completely wrapped in red rags.

Though, the audience doesn't get any more time to look at it, since Sombra is now summoning a giant wall of dark crystal formation. As if this can somehow stop his opponent.

Rakshasa vanishes as Yu halts his forward walk. He reaches up and grabs his glasses and then proceeds to toss them off to the side. He then reaches up his open palm. The card that falls into his grasp is marked with the Roman numeral "XXI". Its image has red, yellow, green, and blue corners. The center image kind of resembles the Hippocrates symbol.

The Persona that appears behind Yu takes the form of a white-coated swordsman. It carries a blade with a golden ring around its hilt. The Persona lifts its weapon to point upward and then proceeds to spin the ring once around.

"Thousands may die, but even more are reborn," proclaims Yu, "Izanagi-no-Okami!"

The tall swordsman then swings his blade a couple times. In flashes of white light, the dark crystal wall crumbles revealing Sombra in his true unicorn form. No longer does he laugh. Now he growls in anger and hatred. He rides a giant rock crystal wave toward Yu Narukami.

But the last ditch effort is fruitless as Izanagi-no-Okami releases a final strike of lightning. This one is more widespread than Izanagi's at the start of the battle. Sombra lets out a roar as his body crumbles away.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

That seemed a little overkill. I liked it.

Narukami has faced hundreds upon hundreds of shadow-based creatures in the past. Plus, he's faced several that had godlike strength and endurance. There's no reason he couldn't here.

It almost looked like Sombra had him when Yu got trapped in the illusion of his worst fear, but his strong bond with Ryotaro Dojima gave him the strength and the dragon to destroy that illusion.

In the end, Sombra couldn't stand against Narukami's true strength.

In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape his sight. Let those who worship evil's might beware his power: Izangi-no-Okami's light!

The winner is Yu Narukami.

---Death Battle---

A/N: Are you anticipating the real Death Battle scheduled for December 21, 2012? I know I am.
This fan fic is non profit. All references belong to their respective owners.

Chapter 37: Outtakes Reel #2

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For (Yet Another Intermission)
Gag Reel Parody

---Outtake #19---

Some days, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Flim manages to overpower the vacuum so that it reaches a ridiculous distance. Mario gets sucked into the hose.

"Mario!" cries Luigi.

A barrel flies out and lands on the ground. It looks like some discolored crap is spilling over the top. A couple knocks on wood can be heard. Suddenly, the top bursts off while the mush splashes everywhere. Somehow, the crown clings onto its spot on Princess Peach's head.

"I should have stayed at the castle," she moans as she hangs her arms over the barrel's side.

---Outtake #20---

Update your firewall program regularly.

"I am the world champion of ultimate tag!" hollers F as he gallops along. His face isn't nearly as insane as Twilight can get when she's tardy, but it's pretty darn close to that. The unfortunately smaller N is still in tow, not fully complying with her unofficial co-announcer.

I'll get you d**n kids eventually!

The sound of B's shoes hitting the floor can be heard echoing down the hallway.

Maybe we should come back later.

The narrator tiptoes away.

---Outtake #21---

Say it with me: mouthwash.

It seems to be a nice, sunny day in replica Ponyville. Of course, appearances can be deceiving as a giant purple claw quickly smashes two of the replica houses to smithereens. A large purple, Earthbound dragon with green spikes roars loudly with his head swinging. Within camera distance (which is spanning a rather large mile) stands the Ghost of Sparta, undeterred and fully prepared for a day of slaying enemies be they gods or monsters. His Blades of Exile are already in hand.

"FIGHT!"

As the gargantuan Spike opens his mouth, he seems to exhale a large cloud of green vapors. The cloud surprisingly fills the entire replica town. Just as Kratos is about to aim his bow, he breathes in some of the vapors. He immediately faints.

A bit out of character for a beast, Spike lifts a claw and performs a breath test. Upon sniffing his own exhaled breath, his face scrunches up in disgust. He falls backward, landing on top of a couple other houses.

Is... this a double K.O.?

---Outtake #22---

Pay no attention to the pony behind the curtain.

"Do not try readjusting your monitors," breathes Psycho Mantis, "I control the horizontal. I control the vertical."

"Hey!" interrupts Pinkie Pie, "Look what I can do with the diagonal."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ooh! Look at this! I can make everything in 3D!"

"Stop it! You're ruining everything!"

"Wow, autotune! This makes my voice sound silly."

"Graaaaah!"

Psycho Mantis looks pretty mad. That's an impressive feat considering we can't even see his face behind that gas mask.

---Outtake #23---

Rejected Ideas: Take 5

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possib-

*CRASH*
The wall bursts in and a pony-shaped piece of metal with a "Cyclops" visor and a 7-colored wig.

"Crush! Kill! Destroy! Swag!"

What the heck? How did you even get here?

*CRASH* (From the opposite wall.)
A much larger robotic entity enters the scene.

The frig?

"Power Rangers, Megazord!"

I don't get paid enough for this spit.

The narrator runs out of the scene while lasers and explosions fill the room.

---Outtake #24---

Splinter Cell Metal Gear Who?

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

A flash of light and rush of swirling wind reveals a rather beat up Twilight Sparkle. Her outfit looks like a carbon-copy of Solid Snake.

Oh, heck no. Heck no!

A whooshing sound makes itself apparent as a tall, blue police box manifests out of thin air.

"Derpy, I don't think is London either," says the Doctor as he takes a peak out of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

"But, I flipped the whojamawhatsit," points out the voice of Derpy from inside.

"Oh, that would explain it," chuckles the Doctor, "I said flip the whatsitjawhoma."

"Oh yeah," says the muffled voice of Derpy, "That makes more sense."

Could we please get back to the actual introduction please?

A/N: Cut!

---Outtake #25---

Taking the chapter title a little too seriously

Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts.

Wh...where did they get those microphones?

...

And where did they get those 80s outfits?

~We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield~

This is kind of catchy.

---Outtake #26---

Demyx is no Astley

Demyx starts strumming his sitar while some unexplained other music is playing elsewhere. Wait... didn't we already do a similar joke?

~Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Derpy Doo
Dooooooo
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so derp eyes
A full hot muffin's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any pegasi...~

Eh, it's a good song.

---Outtake #27---

Ambiguous Case Squared

Think, Phoenix, Mr. Wright thinks to himself, How can I save this case? Hm... I know! I'll drag her into a round of pointless objections so that they'll have to postpone the trial. That'll give me another day to gather evidence that can prove Tundra's innocence.

Phoenix clears his throat.

"Hold it!"

"Objection!" retorts Luna.

"Objection!"

"Objection!"

"Hold it!"

"Take that!"

"Objection!"

The judge's gavel bangs three times and interrupts the squabble.

"Will you pack it in, you two?" demands his honor, "This is a courtroom, not a high school argument."

"Sorry, your honor," apologizes Phoenix.

"Our most ashamed apologies, thy honor," says Luna bowing her head.

---Outtake #28---

Did You Break Wind?

"Wear the face of despair!" Xaldin calls. The serpent-shaped vacuum opens its "mouth" and releases a long stream of wind at high velocity. It makes a long sweeping motion starting from one end of the bridge as it heads toward the other. Xaldin's intent appears to be to hit the enemy along the way.

However, before his attack can connect, a much colder wind blows in from off screen. A gaseous equine form gallops in along an invisible platform and starts freezing everything in sight.

As the blizzard finally settles down and the windigo leaves, we're left with a visual of two snowmen sitting on the bridge. The heads of the snowmen seem to topple over as the faces of Gilda and Xaldin are revealed. The unfortunate combatants are shivering from the cold.

A/N: What were you expecting? A fart pun? Pfft. Too mainstream.

---Outtake #29---

Pink Night Tripper

A/N: Warning the following contains gruesome images. If you are squeamish, look away n-TOO SLOW!

"Hey, pink pony," whispers Alucard as he holds Pinkamena's head in his hands.

Pinkamena can only whimper a slight response.

"You lost."

The head simply whimpers an affirmative.

"And now I have to read your mind."

Pinkamena whimpers a confused question-like noise.

"By drinking your blood."

Defying logic, the head's mouth starts to hyperventilate.

"Om nom nom!"

Streams of red go in a few directions as Alucard bites into what's left of Pinkamena's neck.

"The *eff* is this?" he wonders as his pupils dilate.

"The *eff* is that?" Colors start to swim through his vision.

"The *eff* are those?" A flash crosses his mind's eye as he stares at the symbol that will spell the doom of Tyrant Celestia's reign.

It is... the flag... of the NLR.

"Ohhhhh, ha ha ha," Alucard starts laughing, "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

He stops all of a sudden before saying to himself, "I got to tweet about this."

Meanwhile, Integra Hellsing is browsing Alucard's twitter page with the latest comment. She lets out a sigh of discontent.

"What is it, Sir Integra?" inquires Walter.

Integra yields, "It's the *eff*ing..."

*Transmission interrupted*

---Outtake #30---

All Time and No Play...

Just as Big Macintosh is within a few feet of charging distance, Link pulls out an Ocarina and starts to play an oddly catchy, yet short melody.

The movements of either fighter seem a bit sluggish. Link rolls to one side leaving the unaware Big Mac to run through where he used to be. As time begins to resume its normal pace, Mac takes a moment to turn his head this way and that. Before he realizes it, Mac has fallen into a patch of ocean water.

Link turns away and performs a fancy sword swing before sheathing the Master Sword.

---Death Battle---

"As always, if you've got an idea for a Death Battle," pipes in F, "Leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching," says N hurriedly as the two continue to run away from a persistent Death Battle host.

Get back here!

Author's Note

A/N: Yeah, my mind's kind of mush after finishing my finals and it's difficult to find "me time" while I'm on vacation with the rest of my family.
So, until I can keep my head clear with research for possible future battles, have some 'deleted scenes' that may be funny. Or maybe they'll just make you look at me like I'm being idiotic. Sometimes I get those confused.
Properties all belong to their respective owners and I gain absolutely no profit from them.

You Can't Spell Parody Without "P"

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Well, I’ve made her tag one of the main characters. So, I guess it’s time to bring her back for another round. Never can you have too much pink.

Properties in the chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lab Zero Games and Reverge Labs.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(6)

Maybe I’m crazy. I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know what’s worth fighting for. Cartoony character, meet another cartoony character.

What is it with cartoon characters and a complete disregard for the laws of physics?

Because, shut up.

Today, we’re taking another look at an old favorite, randomness-driven, Death Battle combatant and giving her a chance to fight someone that’s been just as random but gone under the radar.

Friend of Deadpool and nightmare to Psycho Mantis: Pinkie Pie.

…and the weaponized, psychotic orphan: Peacock.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Pinkie Pie
-G4 earth pony
-Bearer of the Element of Laughter
-Defies any sensible explanations
-Has “Pinkie Sense”
-Can break the 4th wall
-Favorite hobby: throwing parties

Always full of energy and ready to spread smiles, Pinkie Pie knows every name of every resident in Ponyville.

Ten bucks says she’s high on sugar!

She was raised as a rock farmer during her childhood. But, after witnessing the awe-inspiring Sonic Rainboom, she discovered her passion in making everyone else happy. This eventually allowed the Element of Laughter to choose her at the return of Nightmare Moon.

After that, the Elements of Harmony were promptly forgotten about and locked up in some chamber at Canterlot Castle.

Pinkie’s mind works in ways that no one can understand. She can often come up with the most elaborate explanations for certain situations in which most others would think of more logical solutions.

She thought a silent movie crook, James Bond, and Samurai Jack had laser-beamed a cake when there were clearly bite marks on the sides. She also somehow thought that wearing a moustache would make Applejack’s damsel in distress situation more convincing.

“Just one question.”

“Yes?”

*moustache*

“No.”

Pinkie Pie’s mind isn't the only thing that works fast. As stated before, she can gallop up to Mach 5 speeds ensuring that Rainbow Dash is given a run for her money. Pinkie can also stretch her own body like rubber, hang in midair without levitation magic, and break out of the barrier of the closing screen of an episode.

She’s also got this obscure sixth sense called the “Pinkie Sense”. With it, she can predict vague and immediate events like falling objects, mud splashes, opening doors, bee swarms, and doozies. But, even she doesn't always know the exact details behind the events that her twitches predict.

Common items in her possession include balloons, confetti, and the ever-famous Party Cannon, capable of shooting just about any supplies needed to set up a party anytime, anywhere.

She’s quite literally a party animal.

Despite her… uh, eccentric personality, she can at times recognize when her antics have gone too far and she will do whatever it takes to make sure her friends are happy. She’s even matured enough to babysit part-time for her employers.

Because nothing makes you wise up faster than raising a child. Just look at me and W!

Right! Wait, what?

“Whoosh! Loopty-loop around and SHOOM, she…”

---Death Battle---

Peacock
-Mutilated at a young age
-Blood type: B
-Rebuilt in Anti-Skullgirls’ laboratory with the Argus System and the Avery Unit
-Likes: cartoons, movies, violence, junk food, fast cars, explosives, cigars
-Dislikes: weaklings, bureaucracy, authority figures, people in general, the Skull Heart, nerds, salad, chopsticks
-Favorite TV show: “Annie: Girl of the Stars”

Originally, her name was Patricia and she was physically and mentally destroyed by slave traders. But then, Dr. Avian of the Anti-Skullgirls’ Labs put her back together.

How? With science!

The Argus System augmented her while the Avery Unit granted her access to ridiculously proportioned weaponry. Most of which defies reality.

She’s got knives, lasers, bombs, a revolver, and Cloud Strife’s buster sword just to name a few.

Peacock has a bad smoking habit and a personality that tends to revolve around her love of cartoons. This is apparent in her over-the-top fighting style and quotes she uses directly from famous scripts. Not to mention, she can summon random objects to fall on her opponents.

She can also teleport around by literally jumping through a hole in the ground. Her favorite attacks seem to involve stuffing her opponent in a bag and jumping on it, and the Argus Agony: Peacock’s version of the lasers of doom.

In spite of her… uh, questionable tastes, she does seem to have some code of morals. While she won’t hesitate to kill criminals, she does show certain affections for her friends and will do anything in her power to save them from the Skull Heart.

Specifically by killing her good friend Marie.

Afterwards, Peacock swore revenge against all the people that had made their lives miserable.

Because nothing says fun like beating the crap out of everyone!

“Garbage day!”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set! Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

But first, a little something completely different!

---Death Battle---

And now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

A little girl with rather lanky, metallic arms strolls onto the open, grassy battlefield. She then takes a moment to look around the scenery. She frowns.

“This ain’t Albuquerque!” she complains.

“Well of course it isn’t, silly!” giggles a much lighter-sounding voice. The familiar pink pony bounces onto the scene.

“This is a green meadow-like area set aside for the sole purpose of the director to pit against each other in a battle,” Pinkie Pie says quickly as if what she’s saying is common knowledge.

“Oh, yeah!” Peacock hoots as she punches her augmented fists into each other, “Time to paint the meadow red!”

“FIGHT!”

Peacock pulls a random pie out of thin air and chucks it, followed immediately by a small bomb. Pinkie Pie more than happily opens her mouth wider than possible for a pony and swallows the pie whole. Then, just before the bomb can reach her position, she spits the empty pie dish. The bomb explodes on contact with the tin, leaving both combatants intact.

“Garbage day!” smirks Peacock as she pulls out a revolver. She fires four shots. Two of the shots look more like Bullet Bills than standard bullets. Thinking quickly, Pinkie gasps in a large amount of air. Her body floats just above the bullet-riddled space. As Peacock puts her revolver away, Pinkie releases that air and starts descending.

However, while the pink one is distracted, the biomechanical child starts waving a couple of red and white pennants. A toy plane comes in and impacts with Pinkie, knocking her back a bit. Peacock follows up her strike by opening a hole in the ground and resurfacing behind her opponent. She then proceeds to conjure a large, brown sack out of nowhere and catches Pinkie inside of it. After that, she quickly performs a kicking jig on top of the bag before it bursts open.

Pinkie looks a bit dazed and there are a few scrape marks here and there on her coat. But she’s still in one piece. Peacock has plans to change that, however, by opening the top of her hat to reveal a bird, her Avery Unit.

“Argus Agony!” she hollers as multiple lasers fire from her bird and a bunch of peacock feathers that appear above her.

Shaking her head and getting back on her feet, Pinkie opens up a briefcase and lets loose several balloons. Their haphazard flight patterns actually work as impromptu shields against the scattered laser shots.

Peacock grins a little, thinking that her opponent fell for the decoy attack. However, what she doesn’t notice is that the pony’s tail is wiggling fiercely.

“Twitcha-twitch,” mutters Pinkie with eyes wide open. Donning her multi-colored umbrella cap, she quickly hops to the side just in time for a flower pot to crash on the spot where she was just standing. Then, using a graceful dance routine, she proceeds to sidestep an anvil, a clothes iron, and… an Easter Island statue?

Peacock grumbles to herself about her failed random object assault. But she’s not done yet. With a face that can only be described as ‘get her’, a bomb with feet runs up to Pinkie and starts kicking her. Peacock lights a cigar and looks away from the scene. She then casually tosses the cigar toward the fray.

What she doesn’t see is the precisely placed Party Cannon. Nor does she see the lit end of her cigar hit the cannon’s fuse. Peacock is caught in a huge blast composed entirely of confetti, streamers, hats, and cake.

Dressed as a whole party, she falls to the ground with ‘x’s in her eyes. Her right arm has somehow been detached.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie has somehow found a white feather and is tickling the bomb into submission. It explodes, taking the feather with it. Covered in black dust, Pinkie can only whoop and bounce.

“Woo-hoo! Let’s do that again!”

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Can nothing stop this pink monster?

At first glance, Peacock had the greater chance of victory. Her cartoon antics are more violence-centered and she’s often out for blood. However, that’s where her randomness is centered: charging into battle.

Meanwhile, underneath her incomprehensible mind, Pinkie Pie is surprisingly insightful.

Pinkie often figures certain things out much faster than other people and at times finds just the right set up for dealing with problems.

Like how she was the only pony who knew how to deal with a parasprite attack.

And as Leonardo demonstrated in his Death Battles, strategy and resourcefulness trumps brute force.

Looks like Peacock was really blown away!

The winner is Pinkie Pie.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

They breathe fire…

They have both caused mass destruction…

And they’ve each claimed a damsel in distress…

Now, the only question is…

What the heck are we doing putting them in the same arena?

“Rawr.”

“GROOOOAR!”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

This chapter was brought to you today via request by geardog.
The video belongs to DeannART2.
This chapter and the rest of this fic is non-profit.
...
And... yeah, I guess I'm doing... that chapter next time.
Could any of you spare a flame shield? :fluttercry:
...
P.S. Special thanks to the actual guys at ScrewAttack for that awesome Goku vs. Superman Death Battle.

Double Dragon

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Warning: This chapter has been brought to you today by the letter “B” and the letter “S”. I’ll give you a few minutes to decipher what that means.
…
Oh good gosh. I really didn’t want to do this. How can such a peace-lover like myself cause so much pain and destruction?
…
Don’t… answer that.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(7)

~Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales
It’s almost time for Dragon Tales.
Come along, take my hand.
Let’s all go to Dragon Land!~

Their presence crosses mythology of all cultures and their powers are limited only by imagination. Dragons are ferocious creatures to behold.

Then, pop culture decided to make them a bit more “kid-friendly”, whatever the crap that means.

Because of this, the two dragons we pit in the arena today will only have the powers depicted by their media, not by their folklore.

Bowser, king of the koopas.

And Spike, the hero of the Crystal Empire.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Bowser
-Dragon turtle
-Primary antagonist of the Mushroom Kingdom
-Super dense spike-shell
-Red-orange fire breath
-Down smash: can crush through certain rocks with ease
-Tends to treat his minions (and everyone else for that matter) like dirt

King Koopa, AKA Bowser, has been a constant threat to the Mushroom Kingdom.

He’s always kidnapping Peach… somehow. Why she never uses her skull-cracking soccer kick on him, I’ll never know.

Bowser leads an enormous faction of enemies specifically aiming to thwart Mario. These enemies include crushable Goombas, cowardly Koopas, misguided Bullet Bills, Magikoopas, and Bob-ombs.

But when the going gets tough, he steps into the arena himself... and man does he have fighting prowess.

Bowser has an incredibly destructive punch and fire breath that can burn all of his enemies at once. His thick, spikey shell can withstand several pounds of force. In the past, he’s been relatively slow because he’s so massive. However, he’s recently picked up a few moves that negate this weakness.

By withdrawing his body into his shell, he can spin it around like a top or curl up into a spike-ball capable of neutralizing any harm from sharp objects. He can even climb certain walls in this form.

He used to carry a magic wand, but now he leaves spells to his Magikoopas. Despite his power and position as a king, he’s not exactly a genius.

When your plans are constantly foiled by a couple of plumbers, you’d think that would be a good indication that you need to try something else. Not Bowser. He just keeps taking Peach and sending out fragile troops to invade the kingdom over and over again.

“MARIO!”

---Death Battle---

Spike
-Earthbound dragon
-The 7th primary protagonist of Ponyville
-Mystical, green fire breath
-Thick, pierce-reducing, heat-resistant scales
-Life stage: baby dragon
-Wisdom fluctuates between insightful and immature

Spike’s birth was Twilight Sparkle’s entrance exam for the School for Gifted Unicorns. Due to a distant Sonic Rainboom…

He grew taller than the frigging building! Good thing that spell wore off because he looked absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, since then, he’s been working under the supervision of Twilight as her library assistant. He places the books in relatively the same spots, keeps the rest of the place clear of dust, and handles most of the cooking.

He tackles the one challenge that all men fear: losing their manhood. Though, I guess he’s still in the clear because he’s a dragon. Fire and a thick hide kind of come with the territory.

Speaking of that hide, Spike’s scales are thick enough to prevent bleeding from deeply embedded needles and to protect him against the intense heat of lava.

What the hell are those scales made out of?

His fire breath has developed quite a bit over the course of three seasons. Where it used to just be burning copper sulfate or boric acid (the substances that can make fire green), the fire can now be used to store certain paper items in pseudo-space.

Too bad he can’t always control what goes into pseudo-space. When he’s startled, the items react how they usually would in flames and just burn to ashes.

Technically, when Spike starts hoarding objects, his size and mass grow exponentially. However, when he’s in full-blown panic, greed is the farthest feeling from his mind.

Yeah, that means he’ll probably be stuck as a midget during this Death Battle. Hey, W! I bet you $20 that Bowser wins this fight!

You’re on, with one condition. If I win, you have to buy lunch. If you win, I have to give you the check.

Deal! … Hey, wait…

“I’ve been holding that quill for so long. I’ve got a claw cramp.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

It seems that the number one assistant has lost himself wandering through a dark hallway in a location unfamiliar to him. The occasional torch just barely breaks the darkness every few steps or so. Even as he walks along, Spike can feel his knees shaking under him. His teeth are chattering involuntarily.

Why am I even here? he wonders as he looks around frantically for some way out. Torchlight marks the start of a short staircase. Left without much choice, Spike begins the ascent.

He pushes against a red door at the top and it creaks loudly as it opens. In contrast to the basement that Spike just left, this hallway is lit rather brightly. Though, the constant patterns of red banners and rugs with a monstrous face on them are a bit unsettling. The baby dragon grabs both of his arms and shivers out of discomfort. Though as soon as he sees what is at the end of the hall, his arms fall limp to his sides and his eyes are wide.

The creature on the giant throne seat glares threateningly at the one who would dare intrude in his castle. Having no minion in the immediate area, the Koopa King makes a giant leap from his seat to stand just a few feet in front of the weakling he faces. Bowser lets loose a horrid roar.

“FIGHT!”

Having faced several dangers before, Spike holds a determined expression as he knows just what to do against the bigger dragon.

“Ah ha ha ha!”

He runs away screaming with his arms in the air. Bowser gives chase, shaking the floor with every step of his heavy feet. Though, it becomes quickly apparent that the little guy would win in a foot race. The big guy pulls his arms, legs, and head into his shell before curling up. His shell becomes a giant sphere covered with his spikes. He starts to gain momentum as he rolls forward.

Looking back, Spike notices that his pursuer is catching up to him. He tries to put more into his running, but the monster sphere is still quickly approaching. More bad news is right in front of him. A brown, walking mushroom with fangs stares blankly as it walks closer. Taking in as much breath as he can while running, Spike then proceeds to exhale a small burst of green fire.

A small “plink” sound is heard as the Goomba somehow falls through the floor into non-existence, while a white ‘100’ floats upward. Spike continues to run along with the giant sphere still chasing him.

Three more problems are now floating in the way. All of them resemble yellow biped turtles with green shells and white feathered wings. Since he’s currently limited to two-dimensional movement, Spike can only jump on each of the Paratroopas rather than bob-and-weave around them.

“Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!” he quips as he steps on each of their heads.

The now wingless Koopas fall to the floor on their feet wondering what in the world that was. Each of them turns around to see their boss literally rolling towards them. Each of them lets out a panicked yelp as Bowser bowls over them.

Spike continues running past stone pillar after stone pillar and statue after statue. But then, he spots a large, red double-door coming up on his right. He quickly directs his running toward the door and yanks it open before heading inside.

Just about to pass the door, Bowser uncurls himself from his spike-ball form. He takes a few heavy steps and enters the same doorway.

This hallway seems a bit bland, but Spike’s worried and panicking mind make the walls appear eerily red. He’s panting a bit harder than he was when he first began running. He takes a short moment to stop and breathe.

I wonder if I lost him, Spike thinks during his moment of reprieve.

“Grooaaar!”

Guess not. As Spike looks to the source of the roar, Bowser lets loose a barrage of red-orange fire blasts. Spike childishly tries to cancel out Bowser’s fire with his own fire breath, but the green flames practically die upon contact with the much more forceful fire. The hot vapors are enough to blow Spike away and send him into a sprawled heap on an orange bridge.

Bowser chuckles in his growling tone as he starts stomping toward his intruder. Relying too heavily on adrenaline, Spike is exhausted. However, he still manages to get up and stand. Having nowhere left to run and no pony to save him this time, Spike lets loose a war cry that sounds like a child’s scream. He starts running forward as he prepares to go down fighting.

Conveniently, the camera goes off to the side where neither combatant can be seen. Hits of various sorts can be heard. The walls around shake a bit like somebody’s rumble pack. Into the camera’s view comes Spike being hurtled by his most recent bruise. Um… I don’t think his tail is supposed to bend that way. Ew…

Anyway, Bowser is starting to stomp forward again. He’s probably going to finish the job. Tired, beaten up, and weary, Spike lifts up a claw against the back wall in a desperate attempt to regain his balance. Unbeknownst to him, he ends up hitting the back wall’s switch.

One by one, the pieces of the orange bridge seem to pop like bubbles. Eventually, there’s nothing underneath the combatants’ feet. Both of them take an uncertain look underneath themselves. Both of them let out a scream of their respective pitches. Spike makes a small splash in the orange-red liquid while Bowser makes a much larger splash in the same liquid.

A skeleton in Bowser’s form flails his limbs around frantically, but to no avail. Eventually, it just sinks entirely into the lava. Meanwhile, a small bubbling patch makes way for Spike’s head to resurface. He spits out a small fountain’s worth of lava before taking a breath. He looks around, but the monster is nowhere to be seen. He sighs in relief as he rests himself against the stone wall.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Dang. They sure know how to make a splash.

There’s no question that Bowser has more upper body strength than Spike. In straightforward head-on combat, he probably would have won.

But here in Death Battle, the winner’s got to use their environment to their advantage. Time and time has proven again that Bowser doesn’t have much advantage in his own home. He could’ve stuck to stone corridor, stone corridor, and stone corridor, but no. He had to build a big old lava pit that he could fall into at any time.

As stated before, Spike’s scales are thick enough to resist the heat of molten lava which can reach temperatures as high as 2,192 degrees Fahrenheit. Bowser’s scales, on the other hand, melt right off in lava unless Magikoopa turns him into a giant. If we had allowed Bowser to have Magikoopa’s assistance, then we would’ve had to let Spike be helped by Twilight Sparkle.

Who can, by the way, copy any opponent’s spell just by looking at it.

Not to mention, Spike has extremely good luck when faced with otherwise dangerous situations, usually in the form of unexpected turnabouts.

Bowser just couldn’t take the heat.

The winner is Spike.

---Death Battle---

Of course if you have an idea for a Death Battle, feel free to leave a suggestion in a comment below.

And don’t forget to check out ScrewAttack.com for more Death Battle content.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I can't believe I just did that.
Oh well. Back to doing homework.
The content all belongs to its respective owners. This chapter is non-profit. Yada yada.
Good day/night.

Fame vs. Inspiration

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Here’s to you, Butterfield Pancake.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and NetherRealm Studios.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(8)

Warning: This Death Battle may cause fainting from the mere descriptions of the combatants’ dashing good looks.

Many characters these days seem to be concerned with how good they look and how good they look in front of a camera.

For today’s Death Battle, we’ll see if one of them can put their punches where their mouth is.

Rarity, the Element of Generosity in friendship.

And the Kharacter that does all of his own stunts, Johnny Cage.

I’m W and he’s B and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Rarity
-Species: unicorn
-Bears the Element of Generosity
-Magical specialty in finding gems
-Hobby and occupation: dressmaking
-Has a keen eye for detail
-Sometimes blind to the big picture

Last time we saw Rarity in the Death Battle arena, she gave the old narrator a new makeover and forged a partnership with Amy Rose. But for those of you that missed that hilarious result, here are some stats about her.

As a unicorn pony, Rarity is naturally gifted in magic. She can levitate several objects at once and can even perform multiple tasks with said objects while her eyes are focused elsewhere.

These tasks are typically focused around fashion and design. As for how useful this multi-tasking would be in a combat situation, the verdict is still out on that.

Rarity is someone who takes her work as an artist very seriously. In her efforts to make her work better, she’s constantly keeping an eye on the finer and more precise details. Because of this, however, she can very easily forget the main reason she was using her charm and wit to begin with.

“I was this close to getting that diamond.”

“You mean ‘getting rid of that dragon’.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

Though, it would be a mistake to scoff her off as harmless. If push came to shove, she could control clouds filled with lightning, rain, and snow to give people frostbite on top of sunburns. That’s got to sting like a mother!

Additionally, Rarity has apparently learned some rudimentary martial arts of the biped form.

But… she… pony… martial arts? It makes no g**d**n sense!

One thing is for sure: She will not stand idly by while the ones she loves are threatened.

Especially if her boyfriend Spike is the one being threatened.

You don’t know that he’s her boyfriend.

Then how do you explain this?

“Fighting’s not really my thing. I’m more into fashion, but I’ll rip you to pieces if you touch one scale on his cute little head!”

Yeah, I got nothing.

---Death Battle---

Johnny Cage
-An unlikely hero of Earthrealm
-Movie star actor and karate master
-Moveset includes the Shadow Kick, Plasmic Fireball, Uppercut, Flipkick, Split Punch, and Ball Buster
-Accessory of choice: sunglasses
-Sometimes puts trophies in his dead enemies
-Cocky, arrogant, and quite full of himself

This guy is a douche… the kind of douche you only wish you could be.

After making his debut in several movie titles, Johnny Cage entered the Mortal Kombat tournament to prove that his special effects were all his own moves. He was eventually recruited by Raiden to join the forces of Earthrealm against Shao Khan.

Cage loves to bust some balls! His punches frequently revolve around hitting his opponents right in the testicles. It’s even painful enough to hurt the girls he fights. And after he’s done punching their bladder, he can punch both of their legs messily off.

While Johnny is an actor at heart, his karate skills are genuine. He can easily hold his own against the likes of Reptile, Baraka, and Kano. He tends to enhance his strength and speed with red and green shadow powers making it difficult for his enemies to find openings for counterattacks.

And like many fighting heroes, he can shoot fireballs from his hands. His take the form of green plasma. Though, they tend to be overshot if aimed at close quarter enemies.

When Johnny chooses to kill certain enemies, he has the ridiculous power to punch off their head not once, not twice, but three times in a row.

That means triple the headache!

Even when his whole world’s in danger, his giant ego can come off as rude and inappropriate.

He knows he’s one of the best and rubs it in everyone else’s face. I like his style.

“And I’m taking you down! I’m taking you down! I’m taking you out! I’m taking you out! And I’m taking you out… for dinner.”

I’m totally using that on my next date.

You go right ahead and do that.

---Death Battle---

All right! The combatants are set! Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

And because our combatants are all about good looks, this episode has been brought to you today by Jack Threads. But for now, it’s time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The Outworld Coliseum is packed to the brim with audience members. They’re all cheering for the expected bloodshed. Shao Kahn holds a much more silent form of excitement sitting on his throne. His Netherworld ally stands nearby awaiting his next order.

From the east gate, a green blur rushes in. A buff man wearing sunglasses, arm bandages, and black leather pants slide kicks into the arena. He lifts his feet back and forth in a sort of hopping motion just to show off.

“I make this look easy,” Johnny Cage smirks.

Quan Chi leans over to whisper to Shao Kahn, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

The emperor simply scoffs at the doubt, “I know what I’m doing. Bring in the challenger.”

Quan Chi lets out an inaudible sigh as a greenish flame surrounds his fist. A similarly colored portal appears just in front of the west gate. A rather befuddled pony stands upright as the portal closes. A pair of red worker’s glasses drops from her face as she looks at her new surroundings.

“My word,” gasps Rarity, “The décor of this place is absolutely dreadful!”

“FIGHT!”

Although difficult for the audience to see through the sunglasses, Johnny’s eyebrow is raised in simultaneous confusion and insult.

“Is this for real?” he asks before shouting to the sidelines, “I thought I already told my manager not to sign me up for react-to-prank videos!”

“You weak, pathetic fool,” Shao Kahn shakes his head mockingly.

“All right, then,” Johnny shrugs as his usual smirk returns, “Here it comes!”

He glides across the field on one foot, being carried by a slight green, shadowy aura. Rarity, unprepared for dealing with speed, gets kicked in the face and recoils. Johnny’s aura switches to a red hue as he performs a backflip. His second kick sends his opponent soaring. Rarity ends up face-planting into the dirt before slowly raising her head.

“It. Is. On!” she growls.

Letting out a quick war cry, she briefly flies into her opponent with a couple spinning kicks of her own. In a state of surprise, Johnny quickly finds himself on the defensive. He manages to block the flurry of his opponent’s attacks with his arms crossed, though the impact of each hit slides him back another inch.

Starting to get a little annoyed with his situation, Johnny conjures a green light orb in his right hand. With a cyclical arm sweep, he sends the plasmic fireball right into Rarity’s chin. The small explosion causes her to reel backwards in a daze. He follows this opening by running up and mashing down his kick attacks.

The newfound pain brings Rarity back to her senses. She starts throwing her hooves out in an effort to slow down the man’s advance. The blocking is mostly successful, even though she takes another punch to the side of her head before she can find a comfortable kicking rhythm. She even manages to duck under a second ball of plasma that Johnny overshot.

This is absolutely crazy! A karate master is being evenly matched by a magical pony! This is truly a fight for the ages! I never thought I’d see the day!

A/N: Focus!

Oh, right. Sorry. *Ahem*

The clash of mixed martial arts comes to a close as Rarity jumps back. With her mouth curled in a snarl, her horn glows in a light blue aura. The arena gets darker as Johnny looks up. A checkered pattern of storm clouds blocks out the sunlight. These clouds begin to release rain and snow simultaneously. The spectators now find themselves completely frozen over while Johnny gets drenched in rainwater.

Rarity alters her magical hold ever so slightly. A clap of thunder sounds as a lightning bolt makes contact with the wet Johnny Cage. Surprisingly, what suffer the most damage are his sunglasses. The shades break in two as Johnny falls onto his back.

Not one to miss a single detail, Rarity trots over to the man. She leans her head down to listen for a heartbeat. In a motion faster than can be expected, Johnny’s nut-punching arm sweeps up and hits Rarity in the area between her thighs. The collision is painful enough to elicit a scream from her.

With no hesitation, Johnny lifts his other fist into an upper cut once… twice… three times! I don’t know where those other two objects that look like Rarity’s head came from, but it’s clear that her actual head is now rolling along the floor.

"FATALITY!"

Johnny Cage stands up, takes out a spare pair of sunglasses from his pocket, and puts them on. He then proceeds to walk away from his victory like a bad***.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Oh-ho, man! Here comes the hate-mail from the Rarity fan-boys!

While Rarity does have some understanding of martial arts, this is most likely the self-defense that has little to no focus on actually murdering the enemy. In contrast, Johnny has been using his karate and special moves for pretty much his entire career.

And he’s had plenty of practice killing his enemies in creative ways. Where do you want it: the head or the groin?

Rarity had access to magic capable of manipulating the weather, which might have worked on other enemies. But Johnny’s capable of standing up against much worse conditions.

I mean, if the guy can get up after getting electrocuted by Raiden the god of *eff*ing Thunder, then a little static cling from a pony isn’t going to keep him down.

In the end, his superior fighting prowess and cheap punches proved to be too much for Rarity to handle.

~For it’s one! Two! Three heads! You’re dead against John…ny… Cage!~

The winner is Johnny Cage.

---Death Battle---

Don’t miss the next secret episode of The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)!

Author's Note

A/N: Nothing personal against Rarity, but... yeah. I don't see her beating JC without some serious handicaps in place. Flame shields up!
All properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this.
Goodbye.

I'm Walking On Sunshine

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

Spoiler alert: It’s been a while since I’ve written a chapter with this kind of ending.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nickelodeon.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(9)

~All we are saying is give peace a chance.~ John Lennon.

Television has produced and given attention to all kinds of heroes. Some of which have godlike powers.

They didn’t ask to be revered as gods of their worlds, but they ended up being treated as such anyway.

Princess Celestia: raiser of the sun and ruler of Equestria.

Aang: the last Airbender and the Avatar.

I’m W and he’s B and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Celestia
-Alicorn Princess
-Lived over 1000 years
-Can raise the sun and moon
-Magic abilities include levitation, teleportation, conjuration, magic beams, and the fail-safe
-Flight, strength, and the Royal Canterlot tone
-Not invincible
-Has a tendency to appear cheeky and mischievous
-Never seen a parasprite before “The Swarm of the Century”

Celestia reigns as the ruler of Equestria and Princess of a diarchy.

Hulk had enough fun beating the *ess* out of her. So we decided to let her fight someone else.

Her physical form holds longevity spanning longer than the 1000 year banishment of Nightmare Moon. Yet, she’s still as agile and youthful as ever. She is one of the few currently existing ponies that can raise celestial bodies such as the sun and moon.

She’s apparently got a wide variety of magical powers. She can levitate objects, teleport, counter forbidden enchantments, fire golden laser beams, and even shoot some dark magic that’s fueled by hatred that can grow crystal pillars from a smaller crystal.

As an alicorn pony, Celestia has access to all three pony-type abilities. In addition to her unicorn magic, she can also fly with her pegasus wings and shake the ground with her hooves.

All these powers and she’s lived for over a thousand years? Is she immortal?

Not necessarily. When faced with an enemy that holds even more magic, she can be overtaken and subdued. There’s also a chance that strength in numbers of littler enemies, like the parasprites, could overwhelm her.

I don’t buy that she’s powerless. She must be trolling.

Well, she does have a tendency to pull little pranks now and again. Though, this is more attributed to her desire to be treated as an equal rather than a ruler to be feared.

Not to mention, she constantly sends six less powerful ponies to do her work for her. I can see laziness too.

I don’t know, B. Political figures like her probably have a lot of paperwork to deal with off screen.

Like all the official crap for raising a new princess to power?

Exactly.

“~For it's time for you to fulfill your destiny!~”

---Death Battle---

Aang
-Airbender and nomad
-Technically over 112 years old
-Is capable of bending all four elements: Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
-Airbending special techniques include levitation, whirlwinds, tornados, and wind spheres
-Some unusual talents: water octopus, earth armor, the dancing dragon, and Energybending
-Avatar State: gains all the knowledge and bending powers of his previous incarnations
-Prefers peaceful solutions and non-fatal ends
-Carries a staff that doubles as a glider and triples as a snack dispenser

Aang is a monk who was born and raised in the Southern Air Temple. He mostly studied under Gyatso. When Aang learned that he was the Avatar, he was overwhelmed by the responsibility of preventing a war and ran away before fully mastering airbending.

Then he cryogenically froze himself underwater as protection against drowning in a thunderstorm. When he woke up, a hundred years had passed and the Fire Nation had pretty much *eff*ed up everybody else.

With some guidance from his newly found friends, Aang accepted his destiny as the Avatar and set a course to master the Elements of Water, Earth, and Fire to defeat the Fire Lord and end the worldwide war.

This guy’s powers are all over the place. His trademark technique is the air scooter, a sphere made of wind that he can hover on and ride for short distances. He can also shoot gusts of winds, create tornados, and put Superman’s super breath to shame. His airbending also allows him to fly with his glider. Fun fact: the glider contains a compartment filled with nuts.

He can manipulate giant waves of water, create whirlpools, run across water, bend clouds, and lash out with the water whip technique.

He can levitate rocks, shift the earth into huge plateaus, create pseudo armor out of rocks and minerals, and fire off rock projectiles that he’s gathered in a single area.

While he was hesitant to learn firebending after hurting Katara, Aang soon picked up the skill again under training from Zuko. He can now disperse incoming fire blasts, create rings of fire, shoot continuous streams of fire, and perform the Dancing Dragon.

Wait… how is dancing useful in fighting?

Contrary to normal firebending, the motions of the Dancing Dragon form involve several circular techniques that enable the user to dispel enemy attacks rather than wasting energy to overcome or endure them.

Well, when Aang’s not busy dancing like a dragon, he’s also got one more power that other benders don’t have: energybending. He can literally bend the chi energy in his opponent to sever their bending ability.

It is a non-lethal finisher and fits Aang’s nature. He’s never the first one to launch an attack and is always looking for a peaceful solution to problems.

But on the days that he doesn’t let pesky mercy get in the way, look out! When he gets angry enough, his eyes glow white as he gains the incredible Avatar State.

In the Avatar State, Aang gains all the knowledge and bending power of his previous incarnations. Usually, it only lasts as long as one minute. However, after mastering chakra training under Guru Pathik, Aang was able to gain full awareness and control of this state.

Just look at that power in all of those elements! *sniff* It’s so beautiful.

"I wasn't there when the Fire Nation attacked my people. I'm gonna make a difference this time."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you by Jack Threads. Giving guys another excuse not to get out of their house to shop for clothes. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

At first, the scene is very difficult to see as it is blanketed in darkness. A lone figure spreads its wings and lifts into the air. Slowly the sun begins to rise. The audience can see the brightly colored alicorn raising her hooves up high. Her outline is highlighted by the golden light behind her.

A much different figure glides around. This one circles around to maintain its speed and altitude.

“Wow, that’s impressive!”

The wings’ speed of the alicorn slows slightly as she turns to look in the direction of the voice. After a second, a boy hanging on a glider with blue kite wings passes by.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a firebender capable of moving the sun before,” he continues.

The alicorn smiles at the boy’s slightly mistaken assumption.

“Actually, it’s magic,” she states.

“Oh,” says the boy, “That’s cool too.”

She starts to flutter slowly before eventually standing back on solid ground. The boy starts to circle around a few more times before approaching the ground as well. Some wind pressure slows his descent as he twirls his glider. It more resembles a wooden staff as he stands upright.

“I’m Aang, by the way,” he greets.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” she returns, “You can call me Celestia.”

“FIGHT!”

“So, what did you mean when you said magic?” inquires Aang.

“What?” The expression on Celestia’s face shows that she clearly wasn’t expecting that question. “Isn’t that what you used to fly?”

“Oh, that’s not magic,” smirks Aang, “That’s airbending.”

The boy hops while pressing his fists together. After crossing his legs in midair, a small orb made from blowing winds appears underneath his toe. It seems to carry him as he rides it around the grassy field. Celestia watches him intrigued.

“Ah,” she breathes.

Aang stops his horizontal movement just beside the princess. The orb disperses and he plants his feet back on the ground.

“FIGHT!”

“How about you?” Aang asks, “Do you have any cool tricks?”

“Hm,” Celestia pretends to think very hard, “I might know one or two.”

Her horn glows in a bright golden aura. Within a second, she vanishes completely. Another white light flashes and she’s standing behind Aang. He turns around to look. A quick flash cloaks her disappearance. She appears about three yards away. This time, she is standing on one back hoof while the other three appear to be lifted in a dramatic pose. She teleports once more. When she reappears she twirls around in a pirouette.

“Hey, nice dance moves!” claps Aang, “Want to see something the dragons taught me?”

“I said, ‘FIGHT!’”

Several minutes later…

Both boy and alicorn take steps around imaginary semi-circles. Their motions are fluid. The maneuvers consist of low kicks, high fist motions, and double air punches. Aang's dance steps are accentuated by the bursts of fire that flow outward from his motions. While Celestia doesn’t have nearly as much fire flowing, she does seem to move as symmetrically as possible with her dance partner. The two end with his fists just barely touching her fore hooves.

This final step almost reminds the viewers of a certain final step of a fusion technique from another show.

“You know what? Screw it.”

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“Friendship? Again?”

---Death Battle---

What the hell was that crap?

That was the “Dancing Dragon”, a pattern of firebending motions that allows for fluid and free-flowing strikes rather than brute force.

But they didn’t even start fighting each other with it!

It’s difficult to force pacifists into a situation where they’ll willingly fight each other. While Aang and Celestia do carry incredible powers inside, they aren’t the type to release it except in dire circumstances.

*Sigh*. Well, I guess it could’ve been worse. Fu-SION! HA!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death- Hey, what the…?

*The screen is overtaken by static*

…

Next time we’re doing something a little different.

Both claim to be an ordinary, biological pony. But which one of them can prove it?

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Whew... I managed to find something that could work for that kind of result.
After writing how somebody dies so many times in a row, you almost forget how to do anything differently.
...
That said, I've got a research paper I've got to work on. So don't expect the next chapter to be so soon. But you will see it... eventually. :twilightsheepish:

Side Chapter: The Sweetest One Of All

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
I’m only going to do this once. So don’t make a habit of suggesting fan-made characters.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, FiMFlamFilosophy and SherclopPones.

Additional characters belong to Cardslafter and Pen Stroke.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

*inhale* *exhale*

Um, you do know that this is a non-smoking facility, right?

Don’t care. I’m a bad*ss.

Well, okay.

N creates a slight magical barrier that prevents the smoke from flowing in her direction.

According to a recent study, Sweetie Belle is the most popular Nightly Roundup header for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Heh, the little singing unicorn is so popular that she’s been flattered with imitators. Today, we felt like pitting two of them together to see who’d win.

Well, F did anyway.

We give you guys the mentally advanced Thrackerzod.

And the product of witchcraft: Sweetie Bot.

She’s N and I’m F and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Sweetie Bot
-Robot capable of recognizing sisterly love
-Has a better war face than Rarity
-Is a good racer
-Can shake the entire Boutique with her anger
-Feels funny when exposed to water
-Tumbles like a slinky down stairs

This is ridiculous! We don’t even have to analyze anything.

What are you talking about? Of course we have to. It’s in our contract.

No, look. Sweetie Bot is the *eff*ing Terminator! The *eff*ing Terminator!

Um, actually she’s a standard robot that lives among ponykind.

Which means… she’s a Decepticon, just biding her time to transform and overthrow the Autobot pony leaders!

N-no, you don’t understand.

She’s a *eff*ing Transformer! How can she be anything else?

*Sigh*. Sweetie Bot has an environmental scanner in her retinas that can recognize fabulous objects and organic, sentient beings. She also has an internal heartdrive that can save to memory one sister.

Hasta la vista, baby!

I already told you that she’s not the Terminator.

No, you didn’t.

N shakes her head and continues.

This Bot also has a Richter-scale disruption program that enables her to create small scale earthquakes which can shake the entire Carousel Boutique.

But her biggest enemy is water… and stairs. Water causes her to short-circuit and spout random gibberish. Finally, she can’t take two steps down a staircase without falling over herself like a slinky.

Wow… you actually started sounding serious.

~Transformers! Robots in disguise!~

Oh well. Easy come, easy go.

“Oh look! Our characters are so malevolent and heartless. Maybe next, we’ll hear a new, cheap catchphrase.”

---Death Battle---

Thrackerzod
-Sweetie Belle possessed by a tiny evil creature named “Taz”
-Travels only where dark dreams may go
-Snuck in through the cracks in the walls
-“A typical pony”
-Doesn’t want to plummet to her death unless it’s what typical ponies do
-Wants to kill Twilight Sparkle… I mean convert her… into a murdered pony

Let me guess. You think we don’t have to analyze this character either.

Are you kidding? Our explanation of Thrackerzod needs to be as thorough as possible!

Wha-huh?

“Taz” used to be a little evil pet of Twilight Sparkle. After escaping, it crawled through the cracks in the walls and overshadowed Sweetie Belle. Now, she has to act the part of a normal pony without blowing her cover. That isn’t so hard considering the rest of the Mentally Advanced cast is so preoccupied with their own diabolical plans.

N coughs during an awkward pause.

O…kay then. Thrackerzod is full of murderous intent, swearing vengeance on her former master Twilight. Although her voice is deeper than Morgan Freeman’s, she still manages to convince every pony that she’s one of them.

She’s apparently capable of short bursts of space-time travel, as she was able to open a locked door from the other side while inside the Rainbow Factory. However, she can’t go back any farther than a few minutes. Trying to do so leaves her in a completely indifferent and useless state.

Her understanding of modern pony society is a bit lacking, but she is a quick learner. In terms of fighting prowess beyond stealth, I’m afraid Sweetie Bot has her beat.

Maybe, but I’ve got a strange feeling that the metal Sweetie won’t win.

Either way, we’ll have to let the fight settle itself.

“I am blending in!”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Sweetie Belle Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The camera zooms in on the top floor of the Carousel Boutique. There is a faded transition from outside the building to the inside of a room. There appears to be a little filly coloring a piece of paper with a crayon in her mouth. All the while, she is humming a pleasant tune, despite the monotone in her voice. She puts the crayon down to admire her work before singing the lyrics to her song.

~And when I am feeling down
She is there to pick me up
Hm, hm-hm, hm-hm, hm-hm
Something, something giant hat
Yes, I love my sister Rarity~

A door opens and the robotic-voiced filly looks up in surprise. Inside the doorway appears to be another filly that looks suspiciously like the first. Briefly, we get to see the world through the robot’s eyes.

Scanning…

Subject identified: Sweetie Belle

Error: Subject’s identity conflicts with existing fact

Fact in conflict: I am Sweetie Belle

The conflict must be resolved

Meanwhile, the second filly appears just as much, if not more confused than the first.

“Um,” she says in a deep voice that sounds like it belongs to a man, “I don’t remember causing a time paradox… at least, not today. Who are you? I demand a normal explanation as I am a normal pony!”

“Safeties disabled,” drones the robot, “Combat mode engaged.”

“FIGHT!”

Sweetie Bot scampers forward and wears a rather angry face.

“Show me your war face,” she demands, “Roar.”

“This doesn’t seem like something normal ponies do, but okay,” states Thrackerzod, “Yargh!”

“Gasp,” exclaims Sweetie Bot, “Subject’s war face is as good as mine. Switching to more drastic approach.”

She turns around and runs over to a toy chest. She puts her head in and starts tossing out various objects. Some of which don’t look like they belong in such a chest. The camera cuts back to Thrackerzod who has her eyebrow raised. Though, this expression is quickly changed to shock as a dead, stuffed squirrel is smacked upside her face.

“Did you just squirrel slap me?” she asks with a flabbergasted tone.

“If subject Rarity can use dead woodland critters to defend herself against war criminals, then so can I,” reasons Sweetie Bot.

“All right, you,” the demonic filly says firmly, “I didn’t want to do this since it doesn’t match the actions of a typical, magical unicorn, but you’ve left me with no choice.”

She smacks the squirrel out of the robot’s mouth and holds up her front hooves defensively.

Initiating program S.S.S.D: Sweetie See, Sweetie Do

Mechanical motions can be heard as Sweetie Bot also raises her front hooves in a defensive stance. What historical battle strategy are these two about to employ?

Sounds similar to hands rapidly clapping can be heard.

Oh… they’re just… slap-fighting. Wow.

A/N: Narrator, stop being sarcastic and just tell them what’s going on.

The narrator sighs.

The image of slap-fighting is complete with neither combatant even looking forward. Their hooves are just flailing around. Thrackerzod peeks with one eye before breaking the pattern.

“Normal pony britch slap!” she yells.

The back of her hoof smacks Sweetie Bot’s cheek and spins her a few feet. On all fours, the robot stops spinning. Tears that resemble black oil start to form under her eyes. Her mouth snarls as her eyes suddenly glow eerily red.

“I have so much strength inside of me. You don’t even KNOW what I could do,” the mechanical voice bellowed, “I’ll teach you how to FEAR me!”

Sweetie Bot starts stomping forward. Each step shakes the entire room and by extension, Thrackerzod. The filly finds a hard time getting her nerves to be still as the robot came closer. The shaking only grows fiercer as the robot starts to gallop. She head-butts the filly, sending her flying out the doorway and hitting her back against the wall.

Thrackerzod ends up sliding down the wall before landing on her stomach. A small, black, and unidentifiable shape worms its way out of the pony’s body.

In an almost comically high voice, Taz shrieks, “No amount of being normal is worth dying. AAAAAAH!”

The whatever-it-is scampers out of the scene. Meanwhile, a very mad Sweetie Bot stomps into the hallway intent on finishing what she started.

The now, non-possessed filly slowly opens her eyes before lifting her head to see what’s making all the noise. As realization dawns on her, her irises and pupils shrink in the whites of her eyes.

“Destroy! Kill! Murder!” shouts the robot, “EXTERMINATE!”

Sweetie Belle takes the deepest breath in her life before releasing an ear-splitting scream. The red in Sweetie Bot’s eyes starts to flicker. Several sparking noises can be heard from inside her body. In a blind panic, the flesh-and-blood filly runs over. She unknowingly knocks the robot onto the first stair that leads down.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” exclaims Sweetie Bot as she hits each step. There’s a sound like a metal slinky going on somewhere in the background.

At the bottom of the staircase rests a laundry basket filled with dirty soap water. The robot, in her helpless toppling, falls headfirst into the water. Sparks fly as her legs spasm sporadically. Eventually, the sparks reduce to a stream of sizzling smoke as her body stops moving altogether.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Wait… how do we call this one?

Well, I suppose technically Sweetie Bot won because she managed to overpower Thrackerzod and sent Taz running.

But then, she exploded after that resonant scream and a tumbling downstairs.

So the winner is… um…

Sweetie Belle?

Sweetie Belle.

Heh, nothing beats the original.

Heard that.

---Death Battle---

~There is nothing that we fear
We’ll have to figure out what we’ll do next
‘Til our cutie marks are here~

Author's Note

Concentrating on a term paper was harder than I thought. So, I decided to go ahead and finish this little thing up.
Enjoy!
This episode of Death Battle was brought to you today by Peeps, marshmallows that look like chicklings!
What the heck? B, how did you get in my room?
Sorry, he's drunk. I'm trying to get him home. *starts dragging B away*
...
I don't even. :ajsleepy:

Mechanical Integrity

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

You know, I was going through a couple of the more recent suggestions in the comments. I had hoped that I had already made it perfectly clear that I am NOT writing any more Discord chapters. Please. Stop. Asking.

Thank you.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Sega, and Archie Comics.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(10)

Get ready, sugar cubes. This here is going to be a wild rodeo.

Get along, little doggies! We’ve got us some wild-west, Southern-stereotyped cowgirls.

Who will be the most headstrong in their fight for the truth?

Will it be Bunnie Rabbot of the “Freedom Fighters”?

Or Applejack of the six legendary Elements of Harmony?

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Bunnie Rabbot
-AKA Bunnie Rabbot’D-Coolette
-Attire: Cowboy hat and jacket
-Skilled in martial arts
-Half roboticized body allows her access to telescopic extending limbs, super-strength, rocket booster flight, laser cannon, and forcefield generator
-Is not very fond of her mechanical half
-Her robotic limbs can malfunction and fall off

Standing at three-foot-five and weighing 48 kilograms is a cyborg: half rabbit, half rabbot!

Bunnie Rabbot’D-Coolette was saved from the evil Dr. Robotnik after being partially roboticized. She’s since dedicated her whole life to combating the doctor’s plans alongside Sonic the Hedgehog and the rest of the Freedom Fighters.

Yeah, like no robot would ever rebel against the Eggman… except Metal Sonic… and E-123 Omega… and Gamma during the Chaos arc.

Right. Bunnie’s cybernetics make up her left arm and both of her legs increasing her strength immensely. These limbs can be extended with their telescopic abilities… somehow.

Plus, that metal isn’t just for shine. It also carries good old robotic powers like a forcefield generator, laser cannon, and rocket boosters. But like the hedgehog for whom the show and comic are named after, Rabbot can’t swim.

And the limbs are detachable. But, when they do break off of her body, Bunnie can’t use the respective powers that are inherent to her cybernetics. Thankfully as long as they are attached, they work in conjunction with her studied martial arts and metal working prowess.

She’s also Sally’s hairdresser but really, I don’t think a hairbrush is going to be much help in a fight, especially when she’s got a laser cannon.

Despite these extraordinary powers, Bunnie is not too fond of her robotic half. In fact, future Bunnie Rabbot will become full flesh-and-blood.

What is it with certain combatants that get rid of their bad*ss powers for reasons that make no sense?

I suppose she just wants the stain of Dr. Robotnik off of her.

Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t want Eggman’s germs on me either.

“Now, don’t you worry yourself none.”

---Death Battle---

Applejack
-Also called “AJ”
-Usual attire: a cowboy Stetson and hair bands for her mane and tail
-Has participated and is proficient in all sorts of rodeo events
-Has proud lasso skills and hoof wrasslin’
-Is stubbornly prideful and takes a lot of convincing to accept help
-Element of Honesty necklace doesn’t work unless used with all five of the other Elements

I call hax on this pony.

Hax? What are you talking about, B?

There is no freaking way that an orange pony named after an apple cereal could possibly beat Chuck Norris.

We’re not here to speculate past battles. We’re here to give the new viewers insight as to who the combatants of today’s battle are.

I’m just saying.

And I’m just ignoring you. *Ahem* According to Twilight Sparkle, Applejack represents the spirit of Honesty in friendship.

That’s funny. I see her lying more often than not. Heck, that rainbow-colored horse is more honest than she is.

Blame lazy writing. Anyway, Applejack is exceptionally skilled in physical activities, outdoor sports, and rodeo events. A single hoof stomp from her can easily demolish a wooden target, yet still be focused enough to avoid breaking the apple trees that she bucks.

She *effs* apple trees?

No. You see, “buck” is the word used to describe the act of an equine kicking.

That’s what she said.

How is that...? Never mind. Her neck is strong enough to endure the whiplash of swinging an entire bale of hay through the air. She has also managed to endure the beatings of several enemies like the changelings. Plus, she is more than capable of going hoof-to-hoof against Rainbow Dash.

Just one question: How the hell does that pony play the fiddle? Hooves. String instruments. How?

*Shrug* Magic?

Darn you magical ponies.

Though she’s been shoved to the background even in her own episodes, she still manages to shine with her mature insight in many of the ponies’ unsettling situations.

“You can have amazing apples and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust. But only together can you have a perfect apple pie.”

D**n it. Now I’m hungry.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

It’s a nice sunny day. Flowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. Two creatures are giving each other incredulous looks. What a lovely day. (Take that back, you fiend!)

“What in tarnation are ya’ll supposed to be?” wonders the blonde, orange pony.

I wish Sugah hog were here to see this, thinks the half-metal, anthropomorphic rabbit.

“FIGHT!”

“Well whatever you are, you can go right on back to where you came from!” exclaims Applejack.

She pulls out a lasso from her saddlebag. Using her teeth, she twirls the circle of rope a few times before throwing it at the sight before her. Once the loop is snug, she starts turning in place and yanks the rope along a circular path of air. The rabbit is doing nothing but swinging around in the centripetal force.

After a few circles around, Applejack lets go of the rope letting the tied up quarry go flying. She watches the opponent fly off out of sight.

“Yee-haw!” she hollers.

Meanwhile, Bunnie Rabbot is taking the time to use the strength of her robotic arm to tear the rope off and free herself. She activates the rocket boosters in her feet to fly back the way she came. She eventually comes back and slams a landing into the ground, causing a small earthquake. The shockwave sends Applejack flipping over several feet. The pony lifts herself up and shakes out some dust.

“What in the hay?” she murmurs before realizing that the half-rabbit is back.

AJ decides to use something else in her arsenal. She pulls out a couple apples and launches them with a couple of kicks. Bunnie, however, is already activating her forcefield generator and the now apple mush slides harmlessly off the dome. The cyber-bunnie decides to take a more direct approach to deal with her attacker.

She starts running forward as Applejack decides to do the same with a gallop. Once they are in close, the pony starts delivering a few front jabs, back kicks, and tail smacks. With those robotic limbs blocking each of the attacks, Bunnie is taking very little if any damage. She soon returns the favor by letting loose a few of her martial arts counter-moves. A punch from her metal arm sends Applejack reeling back and letting out a yelp in pain.

Said pony spits out a drop of blood to the side before staring at the enemy in determined frustration. Bunnie wears a look of regret on her face before arming her laser cannon. Even though AJ has never seen a weapon of that design before, she does get the feeling that anything charging up power like a unicorn’s horn is bad news.

“Woah, nelly!” Applejack exclaims as she turns tail and gallops the other way.

Bunnie fires a few shots from her cannon. The laser fire kicks up a lot of earth and dirt as Applejack barely manages to avoid the main blasts. How her hat is still on her head during all of this, I’ll never know.

The rabbit gives up on her less than stellar aim and instead stretches her legs… literally. The rest of her body is sent forward at a pace that quickly catches up to the running pony and grabs her by the back hooves. They almost just as quickly shrink back, taking Applejack in tow. After returning to their original length, they start stretching up skyward bound.

A few stories up, and Applejack can barely identify the ground. Her hat can no longer defy gravity and falls off her upside-down head. Before she can say, “Land sakes,” Bunnie has let go and she is in free fall. The Stetson-less pony thinks quickly and pulls out her backup lasso. Giving it a twirl, she launches and aims it at the rabbit’s still outreaching cyber-arm. She stops falling just a few feet above the ground and bites into that rope for dear life.

There’s an unusual cracking sound and AJ gently falls the rest of the way to the ground. About a second later, the mechanical limb makes an impression in the ground right next to her. At first, she’s startled and absolutely horrified at the thought of a limb falling off. Then, she looks deep in thought for a moment.

She takes a quick gallop and delivers a bucking kick to the long metal legs. The vibrations move back into her, causing her shake in place. However, she’s not the only one getting the shakes.

“Woah-oh-oh-oh!” yells Bunnie as her upper body gets whipped around at the end of those long bars.

Applejack manages to still her head enough to deliver one more kick into the already wobbling legs of the half-rabbit. They start to topple a long way back. Bunnie’s back just barely misses the ground. She then starts getting whiplash and her legs swing all the way forward. She lands really hard face first into the ground.

Oh, geez. That’s going to leave a mark.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Hax! Totally hax!

Sorry, B, but that’s impossible. Applejack has no computer experience whatsoever. Even though she figured out that the laser cannon was dangerous, there was no way for her to do any reprogramming of any sort.

But she kicked the cyborg rabbit thing. That’s like… rebooting, right?

Anyway, Bunnie did have a large advantage in endurance and available weaponry, but that advantage relied on the one part of her body she disliked the most: her cybernetics. Plus, she has been known to have problems keeping her telescopic limbs under control.

How did a pony know where to aim her rope?

Well, Applejack’s had plenty of practice. In the past, she was even able to land two direct lasso strikes on Rainbow Dash while she was flying away from her. In this case, it was over as soon as Applejack took away the robotic arm, the part that Bunnie relied on.

*Sigh* I guess. She’s overtaken Chuck Norris and a freaking robo-bunny. Applejack is best pony. There, I said it!

The winner is Applejack.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

Did you really think the eternal night was over?

Then you thought wrong.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

A little advice for anyone that has any complaints regarding the "accuracy" of how these Death Battles play out:
Why don't you write your own Death Battle fics in which the results that you want to happen are the way you write them?
Just saying.
As always: non-profit. Support Screw Attack and Hasbro. Legal jargon. See you later!

A Dream vs. A Wish

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

It’s about time to put my second “main character” tag to good use.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Lab Zero Games.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(11)

Through you, I will display my power.

Through you, I am born.

You are nothing but my puppet.

A/N: Um… Narrator? You all right, buddy?

Do not interfere. Only the Darkness will prevail.

A/N: O…kay, then. *backs away slowly*

It’s like Halloween has come a little early this year and that means that the Goth chicks look even hotter than usual. Awoo! Woo!

So to entertain the theme, we’re pitting two of the darkest female combatants against each other in the Death Battle arena. Marie the Skullgirl will face…

Nightmare Moon, the bringer of a cold, endless night.

He’s B and I’m W and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Nightmare Moon
-Alicorn
-Princess Luna corrupted by jealousy and hatred
-Wears blue armor pieces
-Magical abilities: lightning, shapeshifting, tornados
-Flight and strength
-Desires the world to be shrouded in eternal night
-Suffers from unoriginal villain syndrome

Long ago, Nightmare Moon was sealed away by the Elements of Harmony into the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape and she will bring about nighttime eternal.

Funny how eternity only lasts thirty minutes.

Corrupted by her jealousy, hatred, and possibly an outside source of dark magic, Princess Luna has taken on a new form to match her sister in size and power. Her plan was to shroud the world in the darkness of night forever so that the ponies of Equestria would have no choice but to appreciate it.

I guess this was before they invented the night club… and booze.

At first glance, simply making it dark out doesn’t seem like a big threat and in the short-run that would be right. But given enough time, every organism that depends on sunlight would eventually die out. Since the average Equestrian diet is 100% vegetarian, their entire source of food would be depleted and there would be very little that could survive the unusual lack of solar energy.

Slow and painful death. Now that’s evil.

Nightmare Moon possesses the strength, flight, and magic capabilities of the alicorns. She can shatter five stone spheres simply by stomping on them. She can summon lightning bolts to stun and knock back opponents.

Along with her incredible strength is her ability to shapeshift. Her favorite form is a smoke-like cloud that can move just about anywhere that holds air. In this form, she can enter solid objects. Doing so can break solid rock, alter the shape of trees, and cut through rope effortlessly.

She can also separate her gaseous form and shapeshift the pieces individually. The infamous example of this power was in the form of the Shadowbolts.

When she’s in solid pony-form, she wears a midnight blue helmet, chest piece, and hoof… shoe… things. (What am I looking at here?)

In spite of all these powers, Nightmare does have a bit of a cliché villain complex. According to data collected by a certain fiery autarch, she has a tendency to boast, monologue, laugh maniacally, and imitate Darth Vader upon her defeat.

“NOOOOOOO!”

Meh, I’ve seen worse.

“You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me!”

---Death Battle---

Marie
-Skullgirl named “Bloody Marie”
-Child slave from No-Man’s Land
-Transformed by the Skull Heart into a Skullgirl
-Attacks consist of demon skulls and summoned minions of shadows and skeletons
-Friend with Peacock
-Dislikes: the Medici Mafia and slave traders
-Skull Heart is vulnerable in her final form

Marie used to be a child slave in No-Man’s Land. This happened after her home lost the war with the neighboring Canopy Kingdom.

Then at some point, the Medici Mafia started doing unspeakable, scientific things to her best friend Patricia. She swore vengeance against that group and her previous slavers.

Unfortunately for Marie, the Skull Heart considered her wish to be impure and transformed her into a Skullgirl.

She takes on three battle forms depending on how well her health is. When perfectly healthy, she just floats in midair while being surrounded by over a dozen floating skulls. Some of the smaller ones can be launched at the enemy as slow, easily dodged projectiles that can stun the opponent on contact.

Her second form trades in her levitating skulls for a living shadow. She can send this shadow forth to attack the enemy from any direction. Additionally, she can summon a skeletal minion that will explode if the enemy gets too close.

And her attack patterns can be stacked on top of each other even in her final form. Her weak spot is the most vulnerable, but she also spams every attack she has while in this form. Some of her minions even shoot guns.

When she’s not battling, Marie will sometimes play the piano. She actually performed a recital using one of the songs from the original Skullgirls’ soundtrack.

Gotta do something with those bony fingers.

“Serve your new master.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

It is a rather dark but not so stormy arena. The floor is covered with skulls. How fitting.

“Know your place,” commands the girl with skulls of varying size surrounding her. A small, blue, and burning skull floats next to her.

“Don’t you know who I am?” asks the alicorn in midnight blue armor.

“FIGHT!”

“Go forth,” Marie orders. A few human skulls start floating in Nightmare Moon’s direction.

…

… really slowly.

“You’re kidding,” Nightmare scoffs with her eyes half-open, “You’re kidding, right?”

As one of the skulls finally gets within two hoof reaches, she flaps her wings. She flies out of the skull’s reach without any effort. Just for amusement, she sparks some lightning magic and blasts the remaining skulls from their floating positions. Marie looks undeterred and just manifests more skulls to float forward just as slowly as before.

Nightmare’s form swirls around in a smoky fashion. When it clears away, she takes the form of three pegasi in full-bodied uniforms. The Shadowbolts maneuver around the skulls and deliver some quick strikes to Marie’s main body. A slightly more demonic skull with blue fire behind it is launched forward and catches one of the pegasi off guard. However, she quickly shakes off the annoying chip damage and rejoins her other two thirds in kicking Marie.

The aforementioned Skullgirl suddenly breaks up all of the skulls that were surrounding her and a weird glowing shadow essence stands sort of behind her but also sort of inside her. It’s kind of hard to describe without actually seeing it.

Marie barely twitches her finger and the shadowy essence vanishes. Without warning, it quickly reappears and sweeps through the room. This motion knocks all three of Nightmare back for a loop. Conveniently, more floating skulls are in range and hit the off-guard pegasi lightly. Still, they charge in for another barrage.

“Serve your new master,” requests Marie. A full-size skeleton appears a few feet in front of her just as one of Nightmare’s bodies hits it. The skeleton explodes and knocks the one Shadowbolt to the ground.

Marie’s shadow pulls another vanishing act before sweeping in from the ceiling. The two remaining Shadowbolts barely dodge to the side. They rush on ahead and deliver some more kicks and a fly-by on the girl’s body.

The Skullgirl has a spasm attack before her physical body can no longer hold humanoid form. She now resembles a blob-like organism with the Skull Heart gravitating all of her being toward its center. Nightmare Moon decides to pull herself together as well. The three Shadowbolts take the smoky cloud form before reuniting into one large shadowy cloud.

“Know your place!” Marie’s voice shouts forcefully.

Several floating skulls, skeletons of the explode-on-contact variety, and skeletal minions dressed up as mob gangers surround Marie. The gangers point their hand guns in Nightmare Moon’s direction. It’s impossible to see her expression, but the cloud looks unfazed and quite possibly bemused by this whole scenario.

As the various skeletal minions charge forward, the smoky cloud rapidly swirls around creating a black tornado. The skulls and other debris that resembles a bunch of skeletal systems get sucked in, spun around, and launched in several directions. Some of said debris hits the semi-blob Marie.

With the obstacles removed, Nightmare Moon reverts to her alicorn form. She charges up the magic in her horn and releases a large lightning strike against her foe. Marie breaks apart, leaving nothing but a floating Skull Heart.

“Did you not see the signs of your own defeat?” asks Nightmare Moon rhetorically.

“What… is your wish?” whispers a ghostly voice resonating from the Skull Heart.

“Wish? Pah!” Nightmare scoffs, “I have no wish that a mere skull could grant. I have all the power I need!”

She then whisks away in her gaseous form, leaving the door wide open on her way out.

…

Is that… liquid pride dripping from the Skull Heart’s eye sockets?

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

D**n, she’s like a pony version of Storm.

Nightmare Moon was easily able to avoid the snail-paced skulls of Marie’s first form. Although Marie’s second form’s shadow attack caught Nightmare off guard, Nightmare was able to recover quickly and maintain her fighting momentum.

In her third form, Marie looked armed and ready to skull nuke the entire battle field, but then Nightmare Moon reenacted the movie “Twister”. This took away almost all of Marie’s ammo.

And it left her wide open for Nightmare’s lightning blast.

She really cracked some skulls this time!

The winner is Nightmare Moon.

---Death Battle---

*Static fills the screen.*

Next time on Death Battle…

…

Living without fear of the sword is to be unworthy of wielding the blade.

…

The more light you shine, the longer the shadows become.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

By the way, the Shao Kahn vs. M. Bison battle is available. Go watch it!

Feel free to leave a comment too.

Side Chapter: Darkness of Justice

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
Okay, as my blog post stated, I am now accepting suggestions for fan characters. If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding these particular battles, click here.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Viz Media, TundraStanza, and Leo Archon.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

The Darkness… may still have a hold on me.

A/N: Hang in there, Narrator. I’ll find a Keyblade and you’ll be as good as new.

Meanwhile, in the commentators seats…

Heh, I love it when things go according to plan.

Wait, you planned this?

Of course not. I never plan anything.

Ugh, nevermind. It looks like we’ll be around more often. F’s humor will get stale quickly. I apologize for that in advance.

You know what’s really stale? The ‘fighting-for-justice’ bull crud that one of these next two fighters constantly talked about when he was first introduced.

I believe he’s talking about Kaname Tosen, the speckle of light present in enclosed darkness. He’ll be facing off against… Scootaloo?

This ought to be interesting. *Looks at the image* Wait, since when does she carry a double-katana?

Um, he’s F and I’m N.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Kaname Tosen
-Soul Reaper/Hollow hybrid
-A master of swordplay, shunpo, and kido
-Wields the Zanpakuto: Suzumushi, “Cricket”
-Two Shikai commands: “Cry” and “Nishiki: Benihiko” (Second Movement: Crimson Flying Locusts)
-Bankai ability surrounds a large area and robs enemies of all senses except touch
-Resurrección transforms him into a what-is-this-I-don’t-even kind of monster
-He cannot see in the normal sense

Kaname Tosen is the former captain of Squad 9 of the Gotei 13 or Thirteen Court Guard Squads. He has a personal policy of taking the path with the least amount of blood spilled and the most justice delivered as possible.

Justice, my *ss! He jumped on board Aizen’s betrayal as soon as he could.

Kaneme is physically blind. He relies on his other senses as well as his ability to sense spiritual energy to navigate and observe the world around him.

So his “blindness” is just an excuse to wear a shaded visor.

Over the years he has mastered several techniques and strategies that the Soul Society had to offer. He is quite adept with the speed technique of shunpo and a fairly high level user of the energy based kido techniques. His swordsmanship is top notch and he is well-versed in the hand-to-hand combat Hakuda. This has enabled him to overpower even his larger enemies.

When simple punches and kicks aren’t enough, Tosen calls on the power of his soul-slaying Zanpakuto katana known as Suzumushi. With enough practice, Zanpakuto can activate special powers referred to as “shikai”. Suzumushi has two shikai powers.

The first shikai ability has the release command “cry”. It releases a high-pitched tone over a wide area that overloads the hearing of anyone within range. Normal humans would fall unconscious from such an overload.

The second one is called “Nishiki: Benihiko”. After moving his sword in an arc, Tosen creates a trail of blades which rain down in hundreds upon the enemy. If that’s not overkill enough, Suzumushi has yet another power.

Zanpakuto have the capability of being pushed even further into a set of powers known as their Bankai or “Final Release”.

Suzumushi’s Bankai is Sue-she-En-ko… wait… er, “Bell Bug Final Form: Devil Cricket”.

How hard is it to say “Tsuishiki: Enma Korogi”? *Ahem* This final release starts out by spinning the ring on the sword’s guard. It then expands to Kaname’s full body size before splitting into ten rings. These rings are then sent flying outward and surround a large area of a circular perimeter. Once they are in place, they create a large void of darkness within the enclosed area. This void takes the shape of a large dome that covers both Kaname and his enemies.

Since he’s technically blind already, the dome doesn’t affect him. However, his opponent is robbed of sight, hearing, smell, and spiritual pressure. The only sense they have left is touch.

In theory, the enemy can regain all of their senses by having direct physical contact with Kaname. However, the only one known to do so is Kenpachi Zaraki.

But even that’s not the extent of this blind swordsman’s abilities.

Kaname is a Shinigami/Hollow hybrid. Somewhere during his life, he gained the powers of an Arrancar, specifically their ability of Resurrección. When Arrancar release their Zanpakuto, they gain a form similar to their original Hollow bodies and their injuries are healed.

Tosen’s Ressurección turns him into a- Good lord! What is this? I don’t even!

His Suzumushi Hyakushiki: Grillar Grillo form is very bug-like and bestial. This form grants him sight and enhances his sound abilities. Kaname can use the Los Nueve Aspectos which releases a sound-based force from nine green circles. The force behind the sound is crushing and was able to knock Sajin Komamura’s Bankai back with ease.

Fus ro dah… times nine!

Additionally, the Ressurección form multiplies his strength immensely and grants him high-speed regeneration. Finally, he can use La Mirada, a double-burst form of the Cero attack used by many high level Hollows. In Kaname’s case, the attack originates from his eyes.

Cero basically amounts to “I’m a firing my laser! Blagh!”

“My eyes can only see one path and that is the path with the least amount of bloodshed.”

So, how exactly do all of your powers lead to that path?

Well, restraining oneself until the closing battles helps.

I was being rhetorical.

“I will use every amount of justice in my being.”

For the love of *gee*, shut up!

---Death Battle---

Scootaloo
-Pegasus filly that still struggles to fly
-A master of scooter tricks and dancing rhythm
-Wields the Zanpaktou: Kagehime, “The Shadow Princess”; Due to a Muramasa incident, Kagehime’s spirit can manifest in the physical plane as a unicorn wearing chainmail armor
-Scootaloo can use flash step and Shadow Blade
-Bankai coats her in armor and allows her extra shadow-based techniques
-A rookie kido user
-Would probably die if caught in two Cero blasts in a row

Wait… this is Scootaloo. Neither of these combatants are fanon.

Actually, I was looking through the information they tossed our way. Apparently this Scootaloo is from “an alternate future of ‘Through the Eyes of Another Pony’.”

She’s from a fanfic of an alternate future of my universe? *narrows eyes* Oh, I know a certain alicorn author that I’m going to barbeque tonight.

A/N: EEP!

Anyway, just like canon Scootaloo, this one is capable of riding her scooter by flapping her wings to create a motor noise. What’s different is what else she can do. Once Hollows started showing up in her world, she was given the ability to wield a Zanpaktou. Hers is called Kagehime. She can summon it out of thin air and return it to non-existence as needed.

Sounds of fire blasts can be heard in the background as well as an occasional screams.

Its shikai release command is, “Shroud the world in darkness.” Upon release, the katana gets covered in a dark aura and transforms into two katana blades attached to the same hilt. Kagehime’s special ability is the Shadow Blade technique. This launches several blades made from shadows as projectiles that can usually do a moderate amount of damage. Though, several need to hit their target before they can be considered lethal.

A/N: Somebody help me!

To activate her Bankai, Scootaloo drops the released Kagehime into her shadow. After doing so, her shadow wraps around her body and gives her a suit of chainmail armor. Now, in addition to shooting the Shadow Blade, she can use other moves involving the shadows in her environment.

It kind of sounds like F is shouting, “Burn, mother*eff*er!” somewhere in the distance.

The Shadow Strangle lets her summon a dark, ghastly limb that chokes the enemy. The Shadow Step lets her vanish from one place to anywhere within sight that a shadow is touching. She can literally sink into a shadow to reduce physical damage. Finally, the Kage Bunshin lets her summon shadow clones of herself.

F is back.

You know, I bet the creators of Naruto would sue if they found out.

I don’t know. Naruto isn’t exactly the first character in existence to have the power to create copies of himself. I’m also fairly certain he won’t be the last.

Yeah, he’d probably get sued by Tien Shinhan for copying his Multi-form technique. Anyway, what’s left on Scootaloo?

Like Kaname, she’s capable of using flash step, or shunpo. She’s also a rookie kido user capable of using the disintegrating circle Horin and the six petals of light Rikujokoro.

Is there anything she can’t do?

Well, she does lack the spiritual strength of some of the other characters. There aren’t any obvious weaknesses, but she can be worn out if the battle is too prolonged.

Isn’t that true for everyone?

“True despair… oh yeah. I know what that’s like.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The sound of a motor running fills the air. A lone pegasus filly is riding her scooter feeling the excitement of going faster. A toppled over cart acts as the perfect ramp for her wheels. She performs a 360 before touching back down to the ground and continuing on her way.

On the other end of the road, a lone figure enters the scene as a large, black tear in reality closes up behind him. His eyes are covered, and he wears an orange scarf. His face betrays no sign of expression.

Aizen’s orders were to eliminate a target of minor significance, he thinks quietly, I only sense one other soul in this area. I suppose I must.

Suddenly, the filly’s eyes open wide as a jolt briefly crosses the background. Not a second later, she makes a sharp right turn just in time for her scooter’s back wheel’s to be sliced off. The broken vehicle makes a sudden stop on its side as she goes tumbling. She shakes off the dust and takes off her helmet before looking at the other presence.

The man holds his sword in a battle ready stance.

“Justice is always there and the path I follow is justice,” he states to everyone and no one.

Not interested in getting turned into shish kabob, the filly calls forth a katana of her own and somehow holds it in her hoof.

“Let’s go, Kagehime,” she tells her sword.

“FIGHT!”

“Cry, Suzumushi,” Kaname Tosen whispers.

A high-pitched screech fills the speakers of many audio systems while the screen briefly flashes photo negative. Scootaloo’s eyes open wide as she slowly falls over to her side. The man runs over with his sword still in hand.

I will try to make this as quick and painless as possible, he thinks.

The screen goes dark as the sound of a swinging sword slashes the darkness. Though, the implied attack is interrupted by a clashing metal sound.

“Lady Scootaloo!” shouts a woman’s voice.

Scootaloo’s pupils return to their normal size as she looks at the scene in front of her. A unicorn wearing chainmail armor pushes Kaname back with a sword of her own. Tosen pats the ground with his free hand before back flipping into a standing position.

“You must get up,” advises Kagehime’s spirit, “This fight has yet to begin.”

The armored unicorn vanishes as a new aura starts radiating from Scootaloo’s katana. The filly nods in determination and quickly straightens back up. She holds her weapon off to the side.

“Shroud the world in darkness, Kagehime!”

The weapon’s radiating aura turns a purplish-black as a second blade starts growing out of the handle’s opposite end. Her sword is now a double katana.

“So it’s safe to assume you won’t go quietly,” Kaname takes notice. He jumps into the air and slowly swings his sword in an arc trail. “Suzumushi Nishiki: Benihiko!”

Hundreds of loose blades start raining down in the direction of his opponent. Meanwhile, a shadowy circle has formed in front of her weapon.

“Shadow Blade!” Scootaloo announces as hundreds of physical shadows in the shape of sword blades fly. The Benihiko and Shadow blades collide and throw each other off course. They get lodged in various sections of the ground and the surrounding buildings.

Somewhere in the commotion, both combatants have vanished. They reappear at one end of the screen clashing blades. A split second later, they are in another position crossing swords. This act of vanishing, reappearing, and attacking continues all over the place. All the while, crashing metal can be heard. Shunpo battles are hard to follow even with cinematic timing.

At some point, the Zanpakuto and Zanpaktou wielder reappear a fair distance away from each other.

“You’re more formidable than I thought you’d be,” comments Kaname.

“I could say the same about you,” responds Scootaloo.

“But the time to play is over,” he states as he holds his katana upright. The ring in the cross guard starts spinning and growing in size. “Bankai.”

Multiple rings start to form around. With a swing of his sword, Kaname sends the rings all around the large road’s four-way intersection. Scootaloo just looks confused even as the rings start emitting a darkness field. Soon the large area is engulfed by an enclosed dome. On the inside, colors have been adjusted to represent how dark it is.

“Suzumushi Tsuishiki: Enma Korogi,” he whispers.

What’s going on? Scootaloo wonders with her eyes opened in bewilderment, I can’t see anything. Come to think of it, I can’t hear anything either.

She lets out a gasp as a gush of liquid spills out of a straight-lined slash on her side. Behind her, Kaname shakes some of the fresh blood off of his sword.

I got hit? Scootaloo asks in thought, But I didn’t even sense his spiritual pressure.

“Are you afraid of the dark?” Kaname inquires knowing full well that his opponent can’t hear him, “I wouldn’t know what that’s like since darkness has been my world for as long as I can remember.”

Experimentally, Scootaloo tries swinging her double katana in one direction. She yelps as she gets another bleeding gash in her other side. Kaname finishes his hit by shaking off his blade again.

“Your reaction time is too slow,” he points out, “You cannot see me, hear me, or even sense my spiritual pressure. Surely, even one who can physically attack with the shadows must be afraid of a darkness of this level.”

I’m fighting in the dark here, she mentally grumbles before the thought replays itself in a slightly different way, Wait… I’m fighting in the dark.

She smirks as she holds her weapon behind her.

She’s smiling, notices Kaname, but why?

To his surprise, she lets go of her double katana. It sinks into the shadow beneath her.

“Bankai,” she smugly declares.

Some of the very darkness floats up around her body. It wraps itself in a distinct pattern before taking a more physical form. The chainmail armor of the unicorn from earlier is now snugly fit on the pegasus filly.

“Tsukikura Kagehime,” she addresses her Bankai.

Following her sword’s example, Scootaloo’s whole body sinks into the floor. Kaname just stands there having no idea what is going on. The camera shifts over to a shaded view of his back.

“There you are!” proclaims Scootaloo’s voice. A shadowy arm suddenly reaches up and grabs Kaname’s neck. He chokes while attempting to grab the arm and pull it off.

“Kage Bunshin!” her voice shouts. Suddenly, several armored fillies that look just like Scootaloo appear surrounding their target. Each of them raises a hoof, summoning a shadowy circle in front of them. In the next second, Scootaloo’s clones are firing several Shadow blades at Kaname all at once. He lets out a painful yell.

The camera’s screen returns to the outside of the dome. Said dome is starting to rip away and is deflating like a popped balloon. The rings on the edge disperse. One more Scootaloo appears next to her copies. A bleeding, heavily breathing Kaname Tosen stands in the middle of them all.

He puts a hand up to his face. The army of Scootaloo stands with their guard up. When Kaname removes his hand, a white mask with only a fanged mouth hole is covering it. He lets out an angry roar as spiritual energy surrounds him. Scootaloo and her clones hold up a hoof each to cover their eyes. Some of the surrounding buildings start crumbling away.

When she can see again, she lets out a choking gasp. A completely different creature is standing where the man was standing just a moment ago. It is covered in black fur. There are four clawed arms and large insect wings on its back. A long furry tail is shooting out behind it. Its head is somewhat of a nightmare. The shape is sort of like a cricket’s and its two eyes are bright orange.

“Suzumushi Hyakushiki: Grillar Grillo,” the creature speaks.

Scootaloo is both appalled and confused at the sight before her. So much is the case that she doesn’t even do anything to stop the creature from drawing green circles in the air. The circles begin to line up before focusing a large blast of sound at the ground. The sheer force causes some of the shadow clones to burst into puffs of smoke. The original Scootaloo physically sinks into her shadow just as the ground around her starts crumbling.

More houses start getting toppled over and the dirt road looks like a rocky road as the sound recedes. The filly’s shadow rests upon the top of one of the large, loose rocks. She starts to rise up again. Her breaths are heavy as the chainmail armor starts to crumble away. Her double katana rests in her hoof’s grasp. That last round really took its toll on her spiritual energy.

With one last act of defiance, she holds up her free hoof in the direction of the “resurrected” Kaname.

“Bakudo 61: Rikujokoro!”

Six large rectangular bars pinch into his torso ensuring that he can’t go anywhere.

“Shadow Blade!”

Another barrage of blades of shadow collides with the bug-beast. However, once she’s expended herself, Scootaloo looks up to see that the small damage that she just inflicted is healing up rather quickly. The Rikujokoro’s time has also expired, freeing his torso.

“That tickled,” mutters Kaname with no hint of amusement.

Two green orbs of light appear, one in front of each of his eyes. They then merge into one large orb floating in front of the center of his head.

“La Mirada!” he declares.

A giant green laser beam shoots across the debris and washes over Scootaloo and a distance of several feet behind her. Faded from view, one of Kagehime’s blades breaks.

There is nothing but a pile of smoldering ash and a sword without a hilt where there once was a filly.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

That’s got to be one of the longest Death Battles I’ve ever seen.

Indeed, F. There was a lot going on. Kaname tried to finish the battle quickly with his conscious-rending Shikai, but Kagehime’s own spiritual force gave Scootaloo the strength to get back on her feet.

Then their projectile attacks were evenly matched. This forced them into testing each other’s shunpo speed and katana strategies. What could be seen was basically how normal human eyes would perceive a Dragonball Z fight.

Scootaloo gained an advantage by merging with the shadows of Kaname’s Bankai dome. Physical touch is all that’s required for the opponent to regain their senses. Since Kaname is constantly touching the dome’s floor, Scootaloo was constantly in touch, granting her the senses needed to deliver some deadly attacks.

But after that, Mr. Justice put on his healing factor, beast mode mask and pretty much ended the battle right there.

Scootaloo’s efforts were impressive, but her diminishing strength was no match for Kaname’s high-speed regeneration and his Cero La Mirada.

Hey, does anyone want some fried ch-?

N’s eyes suddenly glow bright white.

Don’t you dare finish that sentence!

Ch-ch-child? *sweat drop* Eh-heh.

N’s eyes return to normal and she smiles innocently.

The winner is Kaname Tosen.

---Death Battle---

A/N: *cough* *cough* I knew I should've packed an extra flame shield today. *Laying on the floor in pain.*

Author's Note

Why did I spell Zanpakuto/Zanpaktou two different ways? Well, it was kind of a stupid thought I had while writing "Nothing Probably Goes on Forever Too". I figured I could give it at least a little differentiation from the original Bleach. In any case, Zanpakuto is show canon. Zanpaktou is my head-canon.

Special thanks to Leo Archon for the original idea of Kagehime.

Stay chilled, my friends.

Side Battle: Twilight Sparkle's Rivals and Their Bling

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and geekladd.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

Hold on a minute. I thought this was a side battle. Why am I not seeing F and N here?

Many fictional artifacts have incredible powers. Often these powers are abused by the reoccurring antagonists.

Jewelry: the devil’s plan to wipe out all wallets of men in love.

*static*

Wait, what’s that?

*static*

---Death Battle---

Oh, there they are. I wonder what that was about.

You know, I’m really getting tired of watching villains use Deus Ex jewelry to boost their powers. If they’re so powerful, why don’t they just rely on their own strength?

Beats me. In any case, we’ll be pitting together two powerful magic users that abuse the artifacts that they have acquired.

*static*

What the *eff* is going on?

*static*

Hold on to something!

*static*

I don’t like the look of this!

*static*

…

What the…? I… they… but they… what?

Why are there two extra chairs in this room and why are there two ponies sitting on them?

Wait a minute… F looks at his own hoof. No, I’m still in Equestria, kind of. So how are there other people that haven’t been turned into ponies here?

Hang on. Let me check something real quick. Papers are shuffled. Huh, how about that?

It seems that the canon of the combatants is questionable. N is also looking at a piece of paper.

So they’re having all of the hosts commentate about the facts…

… in the possibility that this battle is between canon and/or fanon characters.

Well…

This is awkward. Let’s do this!

The Alicorn Amulet shall fight alongside its wielder: the Great and Powerful Trixie.

The Princess Crown will be worn by Equestria Girls’ antagonist: Sunset Shimmer.

He’s W and I’m B.

She’s N and I’m F.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills.

To find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Trixie w/ the Alicorn Amulet
-Bearer is corrupted by evil
-Red eyes and magical aura
-Can cast high-level spells such as age spells, wing growth, fashion disasters, and removal of Flash animated items
-Implied that a writhing in agony spell is possible
-Amulet can only be removed by the one wearing it

Trixie started out as a traveling performer proclaiming herself to be the most powerful unicorn in Equestria.

But then an actual constellation bear came to town and made her story look like bull*ess*t.

After losing her credibility and cart, she turned her life to revenge. She worked on a rock farm and saved up to buy the forbidden Alicorn Amulet from a dark alleyway merchant.

Apparently, goody-two-shoes that don’t call her out or heckle her are more suitable targets for revenge than the actual critics. Why did she want revenge on Twilight and pay no mind to removing Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity from the picture? *mocking tone* Since I got upstaged by a workhorse, a weather manager, and a fashion pony, I’m going to take it out on the one person that held back and ran away from my first challenge. *sarcastic tone* Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense. Pfft.

Anyway, the Alicorn Amulet holds a nearly infinite supply of magic. In the case of Trixie, it gives her the power to cast higher levels of spells that she could not perform on her own. The catch is that it makes the user completely evil and gives her a megalomaniac complex. Also, the amulet cannot be removed by anyone except the wearer.

A black and red necklace that holds a menacing red eye and turns every aura red can’t possibly be evil.

B, you seem a little heavy on the sarcasm today. Is something wrong?

Nah, my ex-wife just walked by me yesterday. She was wearing a non-matching pair of red and black ear rings and some blood-red contact lenses. Long story short, she’s now pushing up daisies.

Uh… I’m sorry?

Forget about it.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not trust wheels.”

---Death Battle---

Sunset Shimmer w/ the Princess Crown (w/ the Element of Magic gem)
-Grants the wielder immense magical energy
-Transformed Sunset Shimmer to more reflect her ill-intentioned heart
-Can brainwash multiple people
-Somehow grants the powers of all six Elements of Harmony to Twilight Sparkle and her five friends
-Crown can only be removed by… anybody

Sunset Shimmer was a former student of Princess Celestia. For reasons unspecified, she found it necessary to turn to the ways of evil and steal Mom’s crown.

That’s kind of weird considering the Elements of Harmony are only supposed to be connected to their chosen bearers. How in the world did Sunset Shimmer know for sure that it would actually empower her?

She’s apparently been in a human world for quite some time. She was crowned Princess of the Fall Formal for three years in a row at Canterlot High School.

Again, how? All she does is creep around closing doors and flick new girls in the nose.

Sunset has a fairly high-level of magical expertise as she is capable of brainwashing multiple students into being her slaves.

Pfft. Some level. Being a unicorn means nothing when the portal to the human world transforms you into a magicless entity. Heck, the crown does more magical crap than she does. It even transformed her into a bat-winged, demon… thing. She really expected to take over the world looking like that? With an army of anorexic teenagers? I mean come on. That makes even less sense than shrouding the world in eternal night.

N looks at him funny.

N-not that I’m calling death by a sunless cold a senseless plan. That actually had some deep, hidden consequences in store.

Anyway, the crown isn’t exactly tight-fit like the Alicorn Amulet. In fact, it seems like it can be removed from the wearer’s head by just about any pony.

Or anyone.

Still, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you should never underestimate people and ponies like Diamond Tiara. Just when you think they’ve done the worst possible thing to you, they come up with something worse.

Wait, I thought we were talking about Sunset Shimmer.

Yes, I was just referring to how similar she is to Diamond Tiara.

You mean she also has Snips and Snails as her b*****s?

Never mind.

“You want to be a princess here? Puh-lease.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A lightning bolt crashes. It briefly lights up the battlefield. A crowd of ponies watch from conveniently placed bleachers on the sidelines. On the right, a unicorn pushes back her hood and her eyes briefly glow red. On the left, an oppositely colored unicorn levitates a crown to her head.

A huge column of eerie energy swirls around the second unicorn. When it finally clears, sparks dance around her new form. It looks like a weird cross between a demon and a hell spawned changeling.

I think I’m going to puke.

“FIGHT!”

Trixie’s horn glows crimson red as a cart behind her does the same. She sends the cart hurtling toward her opponent. Sunset Shimmer is hardly impressed. An aquamarine glow from her own horn sends the flying cart off course and crashing to the side.

Trixie alters her casting slightly in order to pile up the storm clouds that are already overhead. In less than one second, Sunset and the ground within her immediate area are covered in snow. A pair of bat wings pop out of the snow and lift the rest of their owner out. Sunset takes to the sky and casts a spell at the crowd. Their eyes all glow in an expressionless light.

In a very slow fashion, the ponies start climbing out of their seats and wander lazily toward Trixie.

…

This is… really slow.

…

Bathroom break!

2 minutes later

Man, they’re still going. I’m so excited that I forgot to cheer. Come on! Move faster!

It appears that Trixie’s patience runs out just as mine does. She casts a red spell that swirls around all the incoming mind-controlled ponies. They all rise into the air before falling again. Some of the ponies now resemble Granny Smith’s age. The others look no older than Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Either way, the crowd is now incapable of any forward movement.

Trixie then turns her attention to Sunset Shimmer directly. The latter barely dodges two of the former’s red spell bolts. A third magical arc, however, goes right into Sunset’s body. She lets out a scream so loud that even a banshee would cover their ears. Sunset is slowly brought down to the ground on her knees, still screaming in agony.

Distracted by her own searing pain, Sunset doesn’t notice when Trixie teleports over and smacks the crown off her head. Without the extra magic, Sunset returns to her original, wingless self.

An evil thought runs through Trixie’s mind. She uses her magic to take hold of a piece of the smashed cart from earlier. She uses the sharp end to stab her enemy thirty-seven times. Sunset collapses and is no longer breathing. Trixie lets out a clichéd, villainous laugh.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Mom! Trixie’s turned evil again!

“I’m on it,” replies Twilight with several wheels in tow.

Sheesh, the knock-off villain beat the movie villain.

Dude, what are you talking about? The Great and Powerful Trixie is not a mere knock-off villain! She’s the best villain that ever lived!

Uh, guys?

So the pyromaniac is trying to tell me that this wannabe rival to Twilight is a more legit villain than any other bad guy in any other form of media?

Guys?

Who are you calling a pyromaniac, Mr. Shotgun?

You want to come over here and make something of it?

Don’t mind if I do!

*Sounds of shotgun pellets and fiery explosions can be heard somewhere.*

All… right then. Moving on, this battle had to be decided on a relatively fair playing field. Since we didn’t see any of Trixie’s actual abilities in the movie, we had to move them to an existence in which both of them had known powers.

Since Sunset Shimmer was a student of Princess Celestia, we could safely assume that she at least had the usual abilities of a unicorn while in Equestria.

As for the items themselves, there was one distinct advantage in terms of removability.

The Alicorn Amulet could only be removed by its wearer. So, there was no chance that Trixie could lose it in the middle of the battle.

In contrast, the Princess Crown does not fuse with its wielder and can be taken off by external forces.

Combined with Trixie’s more versatile array of spells, Sunset Shimmer didn’t stand a chance.

My crown’s off to you.

Hee hee. That was a pretty good line, W.

The winner is the Alicorn Amulet with Trixie.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

Awoooo...

“I know it’s just a trifle, but it would mean a lot if I could see you again.”

…

“Hup! Ha! Sayaa!”

…

“You get to start a new life there. Whether it’s happy or sad is up to you.”

…

“You must use your courage to seek power… and find it you must.”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure that this was a good idea. Oh well. Live and learn.

Kazeshini

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

It seems I haven’t filled my “use each of the main six at least once per season” quota. I will now remedy that problem.
…
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Namco (Project Soul).

Slight spoiler alert regarding certain Soul Calibur games.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(12)

Hah, you thought we weren’t doing any more fights with canon characters? Well, you thought wrong. Let me just grab my shotgun and magic wand for the occasion.

Video games and television programs alike have pumped out characters that can pull at their audience’s heart strings.

The events tug even harder when the characters are cute.

Today we’ll pit the G4 Pegasus pony Fluttershy against the honorable Talim from the Soul Calibur series.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Fluttershy
-Pegasus pony
-Bearer of the Element of Kindness
-Naturally reserved and quiet
-Can fight and fly much faster than normal when emotionally pressured
-Has the “Stare”
-Can counter the master of chaos’s words without even trying
-Is afraid of everything, including her own shadow

Meet Kirby’s nightmare from outside Dreamland.

At a young age, Fluttershy was literally saved by a swarm of butterflies. After discovering a talent for animal communication, she eventually settled in Ponyville as a sort of caretaker.

Don’t let her Element of Kindness fool you. She can be a real b**** when she wants to be.

True, Fluttershy has accomplished some unusual achievements for such a little pony. She has stood up to a dragon and cockatrice with nothing but her words and her “Stare”. She has reached acceleration much faster than Rainbow Dash’s average. She has even overcome a battle of wits with Discord… twice!

“I mean, that they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?”

“Not really. In fact, I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.”

“Because we’re friends. I’m free forever!”

“Not. Your. Friend!”

Don’t forget the time she snapped a bear’s neck with nothing but her hooves. She can even exploit loopholes in the satisfaction guarantees of certain assertiveness trainers.

Despite this impressive line of accomplishments, there are some flaws that greatly act against her. Fluttershy is naturally reserved in situations that require her to speak out. She is also a weak flier when her emotions are more stable. Additionally, she’s constantly battling her own life phobias.

“Oh, this is me being brave! I want to be brave at home, locked in my closet, with my teddy bear!”

Yeah, having “shy” in your name in a land where names directly relate to you in some way kind of makes normal life difficult. Final word of advice: don’t threaten her animals. Seriously, don’t.

“Anything happens to them, Twilight, so help me...”

---Death Battle---

Talim
-Born June 15, 1576
-Height: 4’8”; Weight: 93 lbs. (42 kg)
-Fighting style: Wind Dance
-Weapons: Dual tonfa-like blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha (Teaching Flute and Wild Tears)
-Can use her control of wind to hop over and around her opponent
-Purified Necrid and resurrected Algol’s son Arcturus
-Meek, innocent, self-doubting, and merciful toward her defeated enemies

Talim hails from the Village of the Wind Deity in Southeast Asia. She is the “Last Priestess of the Winds”.

I smell a fart pun just waiting to happen.

Talim follows the guidance of the wind in life. She aimed to return all the fragments of an evil energy to their rightful places in order to prevent the world from falling to the evils of illness and death. Eventually, she learned that these fragments were shards of the legendary Soul Edge and tried her utmost to dissuade passersby from seeking the sword.

Said passersby carelessly ignored the girls’ crazy words.

After purging the evil within an ill boy’s body, she headed west due to a vision regarding Soul Calibur, the blade with an opposing force to Soul Edge.

Along her journey, she has purified Necrid from his suffering and resurrected the son of Algol. She’s kind of like the Grim Reaper on opposite day.

True to her title, “The Last Priestess of the Winds” utilizes the winds both as her guide and as her ally in battle. She relies on quick random strikes and can use the wind to jump over her foes.

She wields dual elbow blades named Syi Salika and Loka Luha, which complement her acrobatic Filipino art of excrement.

Escrima.

You say “tomato”…

Talim’s speed in battle does have a drawback. Most of her attacks don’t deal a whole lot of damage and tend to leave her wide open for interruptions and counter attacks.

Plus, it doesn’t always help that she shows mercy to the enemies that she’s beaten and the fact that she has some serious low self-esteem issues.

But don’t underestimate her. Enemies that aren’t prepared for her fighting style will quickly find themselves on the receiving end of very quick, annoying strikes.

“I will follow the wind, wherever it may go.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

The chosen fighters are literally dropped onto an open-space arena. While they each have misgivings about their circumstance, they still stand. The Pegasus pony and the young girl give a quick mutter to themselves.

“Oh my goodness. What have I gotten myself into?” Fluttershy lets out a whimper that curiously sounds like she’s saying her own name.

“Calm down, Talim. Believe in yourself.” Talim readies her tonfa-blades.

“FIGHT!”

Talim charges in quickly. She jumps and a gust of rushing wind flows underneath her heels. She lands behind her opponent and proceeds to quickly strike with some high kicks and blade flips.

… only to realize that she is attacking nothing but air. A question mark briefly appears over her head as she looks around. Eventually, she finds the enemy much lower.

Fluttershy lies flat on the ground with her wings folded, her hooves and mane covering her eyes, and a nervous trembling vibrating her whole body.

“Are you… okay?” asks Talim.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Fluttershy whimpers. She chances a peek before quickly covering her eye again.

“You don’t wish to fight,” Talim states in realization.

Fluttershy mumbles something in the negative regarding a fight. There is a whistling of wind that catches her mane slightly.

Talim puts her defensive weapons away and extends an open hand.

“Then I shall not strike either,” she states with sincerity.

Fluttershy makes a confused whimper as she looks at the extended hand. Tentatively, she reaches forth a hoof. Slowly, Talim helps her to stand on her own. Fluttershy opens her eyes, though her mane still blocks the view of one of them.

“W-Why did you stop attacking?” she asks.

“The Wind frowns upon senseless violence,” Talim explains, “It was difficult to hear because of a potential obstacle. However, it speaks to me much more clearly now.”

As if to provide a visual aid, another breeze flows through the scene. Following that, a stray squirrel skitters up, chattering all the way.

“Oh.” Fluttershy turns to the squirrel. “Hello, little guy.”

If possible, the squirrel’s chitter actually sounds happier at the greeting.

“You are also one with nature,” Talim admires.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” blushes Fluttershy, “I’m just really good with animals.”

“You have a good heart.” Talim smiles as she turns to walk away. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Where are you going?” asks Fluttershy.

“Wherever the Wind guides me!” Talim calls back.

“Alert! A friendship has been detected!”

---Death Battle---

I really should have seen that coming.

Neither Fluttershy nor Talim are big fans of attacking others without reason. Not to mention, neither of them has anything that can truly finish off an enemy for good. Fluttershy’s neck snapping is actually just the fourth step in her bear massaging. Plus, the tonfa weapons were meant for use by the villagers that couldn’t afford steel weapons. They were made for defense, not for offense.

But why did the Escrima kung fu have to end so soon?

Would you say that the result of this match really blows?

Too soon, W! Too soon!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

Back by popular one demand…

He’s mean.

He’s green.

And he’s angrier than ever.

…

“Hello, every pony. Did I miss anything?”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Next time I can safely promise that bones will be broken.
For now, however, there is nothing but relax-o-vision.

Gamma vs. Omega

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

The opinions expressed in this chapter do not necessarily reflect those of the author, narrator, W, B, or anyone else.
…
The courtesy for this suggested battle came from morrisonmatt32. Be sure to thank him.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel comics.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(13)

Today is a good day. I can’t wait to see the bloodshed.

It’s crazy what some men will do these days to grab a chance at punching God in the face. This time, we’re giving that lucky bastard his chance, free of charge.

The monster and Avenger known as the Incredible Hulk will throw down with the G4 alicorn pony: Princess Luna.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

The Hulk
-True identity: Bruce Banner; Intellect: Genius-level
-A victim of intense gamma radiation and transforms when angry
-Super strength, speed, endurance, reflexes, and durability
-Immunity to diseases and viruses; resistance to mind control
-Accelerated healing and longevity
-Can sense astral forms and breathe underwater
-Can be mentally unstable and inconsistent

After a lab accident, Professor Bruce Banner became exposed to intense gamma radiation. When his anger and adrenaline run at an all-time high, his body grows larger and gains a green hue. He is the Incredible Hulk.

Twenty bucks says Hulk wins this fight.

It isn’t hard to imagine why you’d say that. Hulk’s super strength and hand-to-hand combat are enough to overpower a number of enemies. Additionally, he has superhuman speed, reflexes, endurance, and durability.

When combined with his spruced up healing factor, they easily demolished the queen of all equines in his last battle.

You mean Princess Celestia of Equestria?

That’s what I said.

Hulk has a few more tricks in his arsenal besides physical traits. He can breathe underwater, sense astral forms, and resist mind control. Additionally, he is immune to all viral infections and diseases.

There is one thing about him that prevents him from being perfect. During the time that he isn’t a green giant, he’s a nerd!

… Ahem.

You’re a geek, W. There’s a difference.

Right… Anyway, Hulk has an arguable weakness due to his own mental instability. Several times in his life, he’s suffered from multiple personality disorder. His mild-mannered and angry-fueled personas clash with each other at the worst of times.

Plus the writers are constantly inconsistent with what can kill him. Can his radiation be absorbed by other entities or can’t it? Is his neck impervious or can he be choked to death by a snake? Also, how many missiles and tanks is the government going to waste before they realize they won’t do s*** to him?

The world may never know, B.

“Hulk SMASH!”

---Death Battle---

Princess Luna
-Alicorn: strength, flight, and magic
-Specialty in raising the moon
-Is also capable of shooting lightning, giving life to inanimate objects, levitation, entering dreams, and weather manipulation
-Implied that she can teleport
-Wears a black tiara, neck adornment, and glass slippers
-Is playful, kind, and wise
-Has an intimidating temper coupled with her Royal Canterlot voice

Luna is the acclaimed Princess and guardian of the night.

The last time we saw her, she held her own quite well against Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright.

In addition to having a rumbling volume known as the Royal Canterlot Tone, she is gifted with a number of other unique powers. These include but aren’t limited to her ability to raise the moon, arrange the night sky, and enter the dreams of other ponies.

Oh ho ho, mind rape!

I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Like her older sister Celestia, Luna is an alicorn pony. She has the earth shattering strength of an earth pony, the flight and weather manipulation of a Pegasus, and the magical arts of a unicorn.

Said magic typically takes the form of lightning bolts. How this lightning can bring a bunch of stuffed spiders to life is beyond me.

She can also use her magic for levitation and it is implied that she is capable of teleportation.

Due to the whole being-Nightmare-Moon-arc, she’s about one thousand years behind modern Equestrian culture. There’s also not a whole lot of info involving what part she really takes in the government of all those colorful ponies.

In spite of this, she has gained quite a positive reputation due to her kind nature and wisdom. Ponies like Pipsqueak and Scootaloo quickly found her to be their favorite.

And hey, she can alter her form to Nightmare Moon on command now. So that’s a thing.

A scene is shown with Nightmare Moon glowing white, shrinking back to Luna, and spitting out false fangs.

“I am not certain that did what you meant for it to do, Twilight Sparkle.”

But the question remains: can she defeat the enemy that even Celestia couldn’t?

“Face your fears!”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

Previously on The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For…

In a flash of light, Celestia vanishes. Still enraged, the Hulk lifts a section of earth, causing the cameraman to fall onto his back.

---{Canterlot}

The familiar light of some pony teleporting appears before her. She gasps at the sight of the condition said pony is in. She hurriedly gallops to that pony’s side.

“Sister!” she exclaims.

‘Sister’ takes a few shallow breaths. She is covered in bruises and there are traces of blood dripping from her mouth. She lets out a painful cough before saying her mind.

“Luna, beware… beware of the…” She coughs again.

“Beware of what?” Luna asks in worry.

“The… Hulk… Smash.” The older sister’s eyes close as she blacks out on the floor.

Tears roll down Luna’s eyes as she lowers her head. For a fleeting moment, she stands there unmoving. Her sister needs time to rest. But there is a threat out there that needs immediate attention. The evening is still young.

Luna raises her head. The tears are replaced with a look of determination and boiling fury.

“Rest, dear sister,” she tells the unconscious one, “As always, I will guard the night.”

An orb of light surrounds her and she vanishes from the scene.

---{The Field}

The fabric between reality and nonsense is completely torn at the moment. Several U.S. government authorized tanks have rolled in and begun firing on the immense enemy. This attack, however, is having no effect beyond making the enemy even angrier. The enemy grabs hold of one of the tank’s cannons, whips the entire tank around, and tosses it onto the second tank.

Michael Bay would be proud.

The enemy grabs another tank and flings it into the air. Not trained for air travel, the tank drivers have no idea what to do except scream.

---{Mid-air}

An orb of light briefly flashes before revealing Luna. She sees two very large, metallic object fly past her. The camera gives a little foreshadowing on the objects’ potential landing zone by zooming in on Ponyville. With a gasp and some concentration, a couple beams of lightning stream from Luna’s horn. They seem to act more as tractor beams than lasers because she slowly pulls them out of their paths until gently lowering them flat on the ground underneath her.

“Hulk smash!”

The sudden yell catches Luna’s attention. She turns to see a rather large green entity that seems very intent on punching dents into more metal objects and some of the earth as well. Her surprise gives way to a serious look.

“Return to your homes,” she tells the two metal creatures she just saved, “I shall deal with this monstrosity.”

---{Inside one of the tanks}

The driver activates his radio, “Um, Mother Wolf? This is Leopard. There’s a… black, flying horse toy saying that it’ll deal with the target. What are your orders? Over.”

The radio clicks with a brief bit of static, “Leopard, this is Mother Wolf. We’ve just received new intelligence regarding your current location.”

It then makes a slightly different click, “All units return to base at once. Allow this new arrival to do as it wishes. Do not engage. I repeat: do not engage. Over.”

---{The Field}

There’s a little hesitation from the artillery as the newest order is confusing. However, they eventually truck around and away from the enemy back through the fabric of reality which they had been pulled through. After a few minutes, the green entity and the black horse are the only breathing creatures in the immediate area.

“Your presence threatens the lives of my little ponies,” declares Luna, “Your actions prove to be destructive and you have severely injured my sister.”

As she flaps her wings, the moon rises with her. The very air shakes with her next words.

“Now, thou shalt feel the wrath of Princess Luna of the Night!”

Even though her speech would send others shrinking to the ground in fear, the Hulk matches the furious look of the night princess with a roar of his own.

“So be it.” Luna harrumphs.

“FIGHT!”

Without another word, Luna aims her lightning-covered magic in a straight blast against her opponent. Although it sounds crackling on impact, it doesn’t appear to leave any lasting damage. Hulk jumps into the air and smacks Luna with a backhand. She crashes into the ground. She grunts as she stands back up.

Hulk takes this time to lift a huge chunk of the earth before throwing it over his head. Concentrating, a blue aura surrounds Luna’s horn as well as the giant boulder. It slows to a halt before she launches it back to whence it came. Hulk blocks his face with his arms and the rock crumbles into pebbles upon colliding with him. He slides back a few feet before growling.

A few more rapid rocks are thrown. Instead of trying to stop all of them, Luna covers herself in a white light and teleports around the field. The wave of rocks completely misses her. She reappears several meters behind Hulk and delivers her own barrage in the form of lightning bolts. Some burn marks appear on Hulk’s back before quickly giving way back to a natural green hue.

Conjuring up every bit of magic she can, Luna gathers a large cluster of storm clouds above the field. The winds blow fiercely as the rain pours down heavily. With her eyes glowing white, she summons forth a massive strike of lightning from the sky. Hulk is practically covered with electricity. Charred black from head to toe, he falls to his knees.

Luna trots forward in front of the monster. “Now, we shall accept thy surrend-!

A green hand nabs around her throat, cutting off whatever sentence she was going to say. Some of the black dust crumbles off of Hulk’s face revealing a very mad scowl. His other hand wraps around Luna’s torso. She struggles to breathe.

A popping noise is heard. This is followed by a cracking sound… and another… and another. Luna tries to fight the strangle-hold, but all this accomplishes is making her eyes roll up. Finally, her body can’t take anymore as her horn charges a white aura. In a blink of white light, she’s gone.

Hulk takes a flying leap before smashing both fists into the ground. The shockwave rushes around his position and the cameraman gets flung into the night sky.

“I don’t get paid enough for thiiiiiiiis!” the cameraman screams as he twinkles like one of the stars.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Ha, called it! Pay up, W.

We never shook on it.

D**n it! I knew I was forgetting something.

The Hulk’s sheer strength and invulnerability is enough to overcome some of the most powerful magic users.

He even gave Loki a good beating.

Most of Luna’s versatile abilities are dependent on the dream world, a place that doesn’t exist in an enemy that’s wide awake. Her electricity may have stood a chance if it weren’t for Hulk’s healing factor.

Not to mention her power isn’t that much stronger than Celestia if at all.

And even though Luna’s power seems to increase slightly when angry, Hulk’s power increases much more so by that same emotion.

Luna faced a bone-crushing defeat.

The winner is the Hulk.

---Death Battle---

---{Canterlot Castle}

A white light flashes next to the sleeping Celestia. Sore all over and choking, Luna pants out her next words carefully as she lies on her side.

“Save a… place for me, sister. I’ll… be… there… soon.” Her head flops to the floor and her eyes flitter shut.

…

What? They’re not dead. They’re just in their dream world right now.

---Death Battle---

Not next time, but sometime in the foreseeable future…

“Princess Celestia and Luna told me that there was a green menace around this area. But where is it?”

If the end of the world doesn’t kill us first…

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I already handled him.”

Sometime before the Winter Olympics…

“What? Who are you?”

Ultimate magicians shall clash.

“A master of the mystic arts. Care for a demonstration?”

Coming in late 2014

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Rainbow Dash and Sonic the Hedgehog have the same average speeds, all right? You can stop arguing in the comments now! (At the very least, please move your argument to PMs with each other.)

Fear Leads to Suffering

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

He Who Follows is the one who leads.
…
Eh heh heh heh heh.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Parsec Productions.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(14)

*cough* *hack* Help… me. The… The Darkness has returned!

*bzzrt*

…

A/N: N…Narrator? What’s going on? Why is everything going fuzz-*bzzrt*

…

Something feels very wrong about today.

I know what you mean. Due to the recently charged Halloween spirit, our two combatants are wielders of the greatest weapon known to mankind: fear.

King Sombrero…

King Sombra

Right, he’ll face Slender Tentacles.

Slender Man.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

King Sombra
-Unicorn
-Wields dark magic fueled by hatred and fear
-Can alternate between gaseous and solid forms
-Can grow dark crystals out of the ground
-Can trigger his own magical traps from a large distance away
-Has very little motivation beyond crystals and slaves
-Hasn’t heard of an elevator

King Sombrarero used to be the self-proclaimed dictator and oppressor of the Crystal Empire. He ruled with iron chains and a dark hoof.

Sombra is a unicorn capable of wielding dark magic. Unlike the rest of Equestria’s magic which is fueled by light and hope, dark magic relies on the emotions of fear and hatred. These feelings are quite prominent in Sombra’s case.

What’s so dark about this dark magic, you ask? Well, it can conjure forth black and purple crystal structures out of nothing. It can also strike fear into his victims, causing them to s**t their pants… if they had any.

He can also trigger crystal-based traps that cause people to see their worst fears and interfere with magic cast by other unicorns. In addition, he can switch between his normal unicorn form and a large smoke cloud at will.

But here’s the thing. In all of his grand efforts to become the Crystal Empire’s most intimidating villain, he never installed an elevator. Seriously, I bet this guy’s castle has more stairs in it than the stairway to Heaven.

How can you possibly know how many stairs are on Heaven’s stairway?

Research, W. Research.

Well, if the Crystal Empire needs a permanent solution to King Sombra’s tyranny, they can concentrate their hope energy into the Crystal Heart.

Kaboom!

“No! Stop! Wraaaaaaugh!”

---Death Battle---

Slender Man
-Species: unknown
-Favorite environment: the middle of the woods at night
-Leaves eight pieces of paper around for newcomers to find
-Is rumored to devour children
-Wears a suit and tie; has no face
-Method of attack: approach victim very slowly, make their vision imitate a static-filled television set, then appear right in front of them doing who-knows-what with his tentacles
-Now humorously being associated to the song with the lyrics “Gimme $20”

Tentacle Man is an entity shrouded in rumors and mystery. Though, you can be sure that the place he’s in will be dark.

I’m beginning to wonder if you’re doing this on purpose.

W sighs.

Sightings of Slender Man have included a surprisingly well-kept outfit. Apparently, he dresses in a full business suit complete with a red tie.

But that’s about where his good looks end. He’s got gray skin and tentacles instead of hands. To top it off, he has no face. Ooooo.

As if this wasn’t weird enough, his favorite hobby seems to be leaving around eight pages of paper with vague words and illustrations made in pencil. Sometimes these pages are picked up by random wanderers carrying flashlights.

But after some time passes, he always manages to kill the page collector. Always.

Whenever he gets closer to his victim, their vision starts to become blurry by what appears to be television static. Once he gets close enough, the victim is forced to lay eyes on his featureless face before they are presumably murdered.

I bet he’d be popular in Japan. Tentacle porn is all the rage.

Ahem! There was very little information we could find on what can actually kill Slender Man. One rumor has it that he will leave you alone if you give him an Andrew Jackson dollar bill. Other than that, it seems to only defense is to find all eight of his pages and then to hurry to wherever the player started.

But don’t get your hopes too high. For someone who just stands there and stares without any eyes, he sure can catch his victims pretty quickly.

In lieu of a quote, the screen simply goes static-y as an image of a faceless man flashes briefly.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

For the duration of this battle, I shall temporarily modify my circuits so that my voice imitates that of Narrator. *click*

Why do these battles keep getting drawn to forests? Meh, whatever. I can see a dark cloud with greenish-red eyes and a fanged smile. But… where’s the other combatant?

“FIGHT!”

No, seriously, where is Slender Man? I don’t see him anywhere. All I can see in this nighttime setting are some dead trees, grass, and a flashlight.

Sombra growls in confusion before floating forward. The forest is not very pleasing to his eyes. There are no pretty crystals to behold his presence. There isn’t even a staircase. There are only trees.

He keeps floating on. Occasionally, he makes a turn in his path. He starts floating closer to a giant rock formation. Attached to the side of one of the rocks is what appears to be a piece of paper. It has crudely drawn twigs, possibly pine needles, and a stick figure of a person.

The page inexplicably dissolves as Sombra’s smoky body gets in close proximity of it.

*Collected 1/8*

Sombra lets out another confused growl before floating in another direction.

*boom*

Sombra’s confusion doesn’t leave him when the all-around noise of a drum beats.

*boom*

Feeling like his time is being wasted, he keeps floating forward. A weird flurry of snow briefly crosses his vision, though it leaves just as quickly. Eventually, he carries himself near a brick wall. After floating around, the camera can see that it is actually two brick walls, one crossing through the other.

It is here that Sombra discovers another page. It has another twiggy illustration as well as an all-capital letter message. It reads, “DON’T LOOK… OR IT TAKES YOU.” This page dissolves just as the first did.

*Collected 2/8*

*boom*

The drum noise from earlier starts to beat a little faster. This time, Sombra ignores the weird snow in his vision and floats along. He has yet to find a single tasty crystal in this Elder-forsaken forest. In an attempt to search the forest more quickly, Sombra spreads his smoky body over a much larger area.

His form reaches its way into a bathroom complex, near some yellow oil tankers, next to a blue truck, behind a red truck attached to a mobile home, inside a dome-shaped tunnel, and on a silo.

*Collected 3/8*

*Collected 4/8*

*Collected 5/8*

*Collected 6/8*

*Collected 7/8*

*Collected 8/8*

In a frustrated growl, Sombra pulls himself back together next to a chain-linked fence in his solid, unicorn body. All he has are eight useless pieces of paper. Where are his crystals?

An off-screen piano hits a dissonant chord. Sombra’s vision is overtaken by a barrage of snow. His hearing is filled with an annoying buzzing noise. A white, faceless head flashes in his eyes before everything goes dark.

“K.-! *bzzrt*”

*click* Um… Announcer? Announcer! Where’d you go-? *bzzrt*

---Death Battle---

Uh…

Hold on a second. There we are! My voice changer is ready to go.

Wait, what?

*click-clack*

…

*Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!*

SURPRISE, FATHER MUCKER!

~Right! *dubstep* All right! *dubstep* Bangarang!~

Uh… Ah… Uh… What?

There we go. I don’t know why we were so worried before. That Slender Pedo is easy.

…

W? Are you still with us? *waves his hand in front of W’s face* Hello? Huh, I guess not. Well, I can’t blame him for being speechless. These Death Battles really aren’t that exciting for the viewers that only read our text files and don’t watch the actual fight. Oh, well. At least the combatants went out with a bang.

You just shot him… with a sniper round… at point blank. What.

The winner is me! Ha ha ha ha ha!

---Death Battle---

Hey, we’re alive again!

A/N: What, huh?

How did that happen?

We must have miraculously recovered while we were off screen.

A/N: … Neat.

Yeah, neat.

“-O.!”

---Death Battle---

Next time on Side Battle...

...

No, I will not fetch the g**-d*** stick for you. Get it yourself.

...

"You scared the begeezus out of us."
"Likewise."

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Sha-sha-sha-sha-sha-sha
Shouts to all my lost boys.
We rowdy.
BASS!
Part of me has a sudden craving for Fun Dip. But the rest of me doesn't give a f:yay:.

She-Witch

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

I'm not sure how, but I somehow managed to finish this chapter before the one I wanted to release first. Heh heh. But in the mean time, do take part in reading this.
...
I’m not sure what got into me this time. Maybe I’m just insane.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Midway Games, and Microsoft Studios.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(15)

~A true, true friend helps a friend in need to see the light that shines…~

Ugh. Well, at least he stopped singing about never giving someone up and never running around.

The deadly femme fatale is a trend that sticks around to this day.

Not that I’m complaining. B****es love the cannons that I’ve got.

*Ahem* The lucky women fighting today are Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings and-

-past Death Battle champion Black Orchid from Killer Instinct! I am so excited!

He’s B and I’m W and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Black Orchid
-Real name is unknown
-Sister to Jago; government agent; Taiwanese
-Presumed to know Chinese Kung Foo
-Wields laser tonfa
-Extremely fast, physics-defying, and short-ranged combat
-Can transform into an intangible fire cat
-“No Mercy” finishers include scorching, electrocution, the frog squash, and revealing her jugs
-Defeated Eyedol after winning the first Killer Instinct tournament

Now this here is a girl that knows what she wants. Not even Ivy’s gigantic tubs could keep this girl from winning.

Orchid is a secret government agent. Even she doesn’t know the full details about her past and origin.

Cool story, bra.

But we do know that her brother is Jago who is from Tawain. Considering her fighting style, it is safe to assume that she has studied Chinese Kung Foo.

Orchid’s weapons of choice are lasers! They just so happen to take the form of tonfa. These complement her quick-motion, short-range and killer combos. Some of her moves pretty much give physics the one-finger salute.

That’s just as well. She has quite a few magic-based abilities like her fire cat form, capable of passing right through projectile attacks.

She can also shoot fire balls and send surges of electricity through her opponents.

But even that isn’t the limit to her abilities. Her “No Mercies” act as finishing moves once her opponent is sufficiently worn out. These include incineration, electrocution, transmogrifying her opponent into a helpless frog and…

… unzipping her jumpsuit to reveal her Fun Bags of Destruction! (trademark)

We’ve surmised that the cause of defeating her opponents in this manner involves bursting the enemy’s brain simply at the nearly impossible size of her breasts. They just so happen to be size DDD, based on a comparison to Ivy’s.

And they work on men, robots, aliens, werewolves, dinosaurs, and a skeleton.

While the sexual appeal has no effect on women, they will still forfeit the match out of sheer jealousy.

It’s all right, ladies. I’ll still bang you.

Black Orchid’s accomplishments are impressive: winning the first Killer Instinct tournament and single-handedly defeating Eyedol.

If nothing else, she is indeed a killer.

“Hah! Hah! Yeah! Lasaken! Yeah!”

ULTRA COMBO!

---Death Battle---

Queen Chrysalis
-Ruler of her hive of changelings
-Presumed to live in the badlands of Equestria
-Feeds off the love energy of ponies
-Magical abilities: shape-shifting, levitation, magic bolts, portal conjuring, and object disintegration
-Can fly like an insect
-Has poor, long-term planning skills
-Dismissive of sentiments
-Overpowered Celestia, then promptly lost against Cadance and Shining Armor

I didn’t think we’d be seeing this particular combatant again so soon.

I guess she really loves getting her **s handed to her. In Death Battle history alone, she’s lost against Shang Tsung and Chrono. In official show canon, she beat Celestia. How does someone who beats an equivalent to a sun goddess lose to two lovers who were, might I add, exhausted when they cast their respective spells? There is no excuse.

Actually, there might be. At the time of her victory over Celestia, she had previously been draining the love energy from Shining Armor, someone who was truly in love with Cadance.

Wait… are you saying that that guy horse toy is stronger than the ruler of all horse toys? Huh. Suddenly, that mistake chapter where he beat Kefka doesn’t sound like that big of a mistake.

We’re getting too far on a tangent here. As mentioned in previous battles, Chrysalis is the queen of the changelings, a race of insect/pony hybrids capable of feeding off the love of other ponies.

As their name implies, they can change shape. They typically take on the form of other ponies that they see for the sake of infiltration, confusion, and causing mistrust.

Chrysalis in particular has magic that goes beyond mere shape-shifting. She is capable of levitation, portal conjuration, and…

Lasers! (Caution.)

Well, yeah. They pretty much are. Her magic bolts can charge up for more powerful beams and even disintegrate fabric into ashes.

All of that power and she still lost to a lovey-shield spell. I still can’t wrap my head around it.

At least she knows how to make a dramatic exit.

Can’t argue with that.

“Ahhhhhhh!”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a sexy DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

The queen of the changelings finds herself still under the force of being launched through the air. Eventually, she lands on a rather large platform in the middle of the ocean. Slowly, she gets up and shakes off the pain. Looking around, she spots a tall woman in green tights. The woman stares back, not sure what to make of the bug-like equine in front of her.

“FIGHT!”

Black Orchid reminds herself that she’s fought weirder enemies like werewolves and a dinosaur. She runs forward and delivers a flurry of kicks and tonfa smacks. Chrysalis once again finds herself airborne.

Killer Combo!

Shaking her head, Chrysalis gets her wings buzzing and flies out of the human’s range. Her horn glows in green light and fires a few shots of magic. Orchid jumps back, rolls forward, and back again to avoid the shots. Eventually, Chrysalis comes back to the ground and shoots more precise bolts.

In an orange-white glow, Orchid takes the form of a jungle cat. She pounces straight through the magical attacks like they’re nothing. In another glow, she’s back to normal and throwing kicks again.

Before she can complete her combo, however, Chrysalis pulls off a shape-shifting of her own before delivering a couple kicks to Orchid’s face.

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Orchid is forced to somersault backwards. Although her opponent looks like her, she still has a few tricks that she has yet to demonstrate. Her tonfa suddenly join into a long, light pole. This pole smacks Orchid’s look-alike upside the head. She then separates the weapon back into tonfa and launches a bolt of orange fire.

Chrysalis gets caught in the projectile and reverts back to her original changeling form. She tries to regain momentum by summoning a green portal underneath Orchid’s feet. But before the transport can be completed, Orchid assumes the form of the fire cat and pounces again.

Some more extremely fast punches, kicks, tonfa smacks, and a helicopter kick follow her strike. The air seems to love Chrysalis as it once again accepts her launched form.

“Lasaken!” shouts Orchid as a disc of energy is shot from her weapons.

The disc collides with Chrysalis before she falls to the platform.

Ultra Combo!

Chrysalis shakily stands back up. But just as she does this, Orchid leans over sideways and points both of her tonfa. What appear to be lightning arcs shoot out of both of these tonfa and send their electrical surges through Chrysalis’s body.

The screen goes red as Chrysalis struggles to move from her spot on the ground. Meanwhile, Orchid walks up and releases a large fireball from her weapons. The resulting scorcher leaves a changeling-shaped skeleton burning and screaming on the ground.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

I guess I can’t say that the queen doesn’t look hot now. Ha ha!

Orchid was just too fast for Chrysalis to keep up. In spite of their magic being foreign to each other, Orchid combines that magic with her impressive physical prowess and rushing tactics. While Chrysalis can come up with plan B’s on the fly, there’s barely any chance of those succeeding without outside influences aiding her.

Her shape-shifting may have caught Orchid off guard, but the rest of her magic was nearly useless against the intangible fire cat. Not to mention, Chrysalis’s own physical abilities are better suited for intimidating princesses, not martial artists.

Orchid’s electrical magic, pyromancy, and quick-paced martial arts were more than enough to overpower the underprepared Chrysalis.

In the end, Orchid managed a C-C-C-Cocoon Breaker!

The winner is Black Orchid.

---Death Battle---

The end. Or is it?

---Death Battle---

Chrysalis lies on the ground, struggling to move a muscle. Orchid walks over and a shining aura covers the end of one of her tonfa. She swings that tonfa down and the aura surrounds Chrysalis in a puff of smoke. When the smoke clears, a frog sits in the changeling’s place. Orchid prepares to make her final stomp with a jump.

Green fire surrounds the frog. Orchid lets out a scream. A black, crooked horn is piercing straight through to her back. The horn glows an eerie green. A similarly colored beam washes over Orchid.

As the beam dies down, a pile of bones and melted flesh falls to the ground. Chrysalis lets out a laugh.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Whoa ho! I guess that’s why you don’t want a changeling inside of you.

During the midst of battle, Orchid quickly gained the upper hand. Her quick-paced combos easily overpowered Chrysalis who was relying mostly on magical attacks.

But as fans have speculated, Chrysalis can change her shape into anything. So it was easy to overcome Orchid’s version of the transfiguration magic.

Additionally, the temperature to burn fabric is so hot that it would at least leave third-degree burns on human skin, if not kill them from the intense heat. At such close range, there was no dodging Chrysalis’s magic bolt.

Orchid’s never looked hotter.

The winner is Chrysalis.

---Death Battle---

Stick around for something completely different next time.

Thanks for reading.

Author's Note

I have to admit that actually watching one of the combatants in the original Death Battle series really helps me visualize the events better while I'm trying to capture them in writing. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time finishing the next Side Battle.
In an unrelated note, Fox McCloud was in a Death Battle! Woot!

Chapter 53: Season 2 Outtakes Reel #1

Remember to switch from "Light" to "Dark" yada yada.

A/N: All properties described and referenced belong to their respective owners.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2 Outtakes and Shenanigans #1

---Take #1---

“Hades!”

“Pit.”

“Hades!”

“Pit.”

“Hades!”

“Rainbow!”

????

Huh?

A/N: Wha…?

---Take #2---

Scoffing once, Zexion floats his lexicon in front of himself and open toward his opponent. A chartreuse pattern of light shines from the open page. Twilight suddenly feels her entire body being compressed as a similar book appears behind her. The camera's view of her is obscured by smoke. As she screams in fright, the smoke clears to a closed book. It opens to a page that holds all text on one side. On the opposite page is a picture of a standing… Sora?

Wait, what happened to Twilight?

A/N: Cut!

---Take #3---

Shuma is teleported in a white light. He reappears in a... snow cone(?) in Discord's paw. Letting loose a bit of steam, Shuma shouts.

“Ahhhhhh! He’s eating my brain!”

A/N: Shuma, we’ve been over this. You’re supposed to scream, “Enough!” *sigh* Cut!

“No, seriously! He’s eating my *eff*ing brain!”

A/N: Discord, quit eating his brain.

But his intelligence tastes so good.

---Take #4---

Wait... now we're at some golf course and Rarity and Sweetie Belle are wearing kimonos? B, what did you rig this arena with again?

Muffin buttons.

What?

What?

---Take #5---

Charging forward to test the waters, Yu runs forward and swings his sword through the faced smoke cloud three times. When he pulls back, he's surprised to see that his blade is covered in black rocks. While he's distracted, a dark crystal pillar grows up from just underneath. This sends Yu's sword flying off screen.

"All right then," he says while holding his open palm up, "Let's try this!"

But before he can call his Persona, his blade from earlier falls hilt-side, smack underneath Sombra’s horn. The unicorn/smoke cloud falls to the stage floor unconscious. An anime sweat drop hangs on Yu.

“Uh, is he okay?” Yu wonders.

A/N: Cut! We need a medic!

---Take #6---

“Argus Agony!” Peacock hollers as multiple lasers fire from her bird and a bunch of peacock feathers that appear above her.

Shaking her head and getting back on her feet, Pinkie Pie performs a confusion dance. Somehow, in that confusing display, she dodges all of the lasers. It’s simply amazing.

---Take #7---

But just as Spike sighs in relief, Magikoopa flies by sprinkling magic dust from his wand. The lava-filled room shakes violently. From out of the red depths, a giant Bowser emerges. He’s mad, but he’s laughing deeply.

Twilight comes on the upper ledge and copies the spell that she just witnessed. Spike groans in pain as his body and limbs stretch out. He then lets out a deeper roar. His greedy adult form stands ready against the giant Bowser.

In their growth spurts, the dragons have toppled over most of Bowser’s castle.

Luigi points in fear. “Mama mia! It’s-a Godzilla!”

“It may look-a like Godzilla,” commented Mario, “But-a due to the trademarks and-a the copyrights and the complicated laws, it’s-a not him.”

“Still, we should-a really run!”

“But it’s-a not Godzilla.”

Then, they scream in unison, “Ahhhhh!”

---Take #8---

“Makeover!” says Rarity while hopping lightly.

“Wait, what?” Johnny asks.

Random supplies from the boutique are quickly levitated as well as Rarity’s changing curtain. Noises that imitate power tools can be heard off screen as a dust cloud covers the outermost edges of what the camera can see.

The curtain is pulled away to reveal… Johnny Cage in a white tuxedo complete with a black bow-tie.

“Much better.” Rarity nods to herself.

“Can’t… breathe,” pants Johnny, turning blue before falling to the ground.

Rarity wins!

Animality

---Take #9---

Water

Twilight levitates three liquid orbs while balancing on top of a pond’s surface.

Earth

Big Macintosh kicks up a boulder and then kicks it outward.

Fire

Celestia flies up with the sun behind her.

Air

Rainbow Dash clears clouds away with a mini-tornado.

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the chaos benders attacked.

Discord waves his hands over puppet strings and brings unhappiness to ponies of every type.

Only the avatars, master of all six elements could stop them. But when the world needed them most, one of them vanished.

Nightmare Moon is banished into the moon.

A thousand years had passed when my brother and I discovered the new avatar, a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle.

Applejack furiously shakes Twilight’s hoof.

Although her magic skills are great, she has a lot to learn before she’s ready to save any pony.

Twilight gets pummeled by a potted flower, an anvil, a cartful of hay, and a grand piano.

But I believe, Twilight can save the world.

Twilight stands on top of the castle wall as an unusual breeze flows through her mane.

---Take #10---

After a few circles around, Applejack lets go of the rope letting the tied up quarry go flying. She watches the opponent fly off out of sight.

“Yee-haw!” she hollers.

“I’m blasting off again!” Bunnie hollers before disappearing into a twinkle in the sky.

---Take #11---

“Wish? Pah!” Nightmare scoffs, “I have no wish that a mere skull could grant. I have all the power I need!”

She then whisks away in her gaseous form, leaving the door wide open on her way out.
…

Wow, I didn’t think it was possible for a skull to pull off the “forever alone” face.

---Take #12---

The chosen fighters are literally dropped onto an open-space arena. While they each have misgivings about their circumstance, they still stand.

Talim stares speechless at the sight before her. The camera pans over.

…

Why is Fluttershy in her tree costume?

“Um… Sudo…woodo?” Fluttershy whispers.

---Take #13---

A popping noise is heard. This is followed by a cracking sound… and another… and another. Luna tries to fight the strangle-hold, but all this accomplishes is making her eyes roll up. Finally, her body can’t take anymore as her horn charges a white aura.

Both combatants disappear in the blink of an eye. Our space cam takes a look at the surface of the moon. The combatants reappear at this stage. Suddenly, Hulk’s eyes are opened very wide. His choking grasp switches from Luna’s neck to his own.

Free from the giant’s grasp, Luna falls onto the rock and lets out a coughing fit.

“Perhaps I can just, rest here for a moment,” she mutters as she lies down.

Contrary to the rest of his green body, Hulk’s face turns blue.

---Take #14---

Uh… Ah… Uh… What?

There we go. I don’t know why we were so worried before. That Slender Pedo is easy.

…

W? Are you still with us? *waves his hand in front of W’s face*

Suddenly, in W’s place sits a faceless, suited man.

Ahhhhhhhh! *bzzrt*

---Take #15---

Chrysalis struggles to move from her spot as Orchid approaches. The biped unzips her jacket and a white flash blocks the view from the viewers. The light fades only after she zips back up. Surprisingly, Chrysalis finds the energy to stand up and laugh. Her hoof grabs at a piece of her carapace and pulls it open. Another flash of light blinds the audience before she replaces the piece.

Orchid throws her tonfa to the ground and crosses her arms in anger.

Author's Note

Because we all need a break from time to time.

Power vs. Power (part 1): Green IS Your Color

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

A/N: If I really want to revive this fic from hiatus, then I had better pull all the stops. Here is the first of many headaches.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(16)

Wait, what am I seeing? Is this really happening?

Hell yeah! I’ve wanted to see this battle since forever.

What are you talking about? You only got this job last year.

Which in layman terms is forever.

Oh, that’s right. You told me about your short attention span before.

A door shuts.

Hey, you’re already here. How have you been?

Bored as he- oh, look. A butterfly.

F wanders off.

What’s up with him?

Honestly, I stopped trying to figure him out after the first three months.

In that case, why don’t we get right down to business?

Everyone assumes the announcer position… except for F. He gets bored with the butterfly and runs away from a spider he sees.

Teams with attitude have taken the spotlight in many televised programs.

We’re all going to pitch in our voices this time around. The canonical nature of one particular team is in question, so we’ll be right either way.

Since we want to get as much awesomeness out of this as possible, and because the director can’t possibly figure out how to cover twelve different fighters in the same arena simultaneously, we’re going to pair up each individual member against exactly one opponent at a time.

Who are these teams you ask?

Why, it’s none other than the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!

Their opponents are the Power Ponies from the enchanted comic book.

The first matchup will showcase the leanest and the greenest.

Saddle Rager will face off against the original Green Ranger.

F gallops onto the scene.

*pant* *pant* Whew. I think I managed to lose that hell-spider.

He’s W and I’m B.

She’s N and I’m F.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…

… to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

The Green Ranger
-Thomas “Tommy” Oliver
-Would later wear the colors white, red, and black in that order
-Martial arts master; tied with Jason in a martial arts tournament
-Originally, his ranger powers came from the evil Rita
-Soon was recruited to the side of good, but with slowly draining powers
-Weapons: Dragon Dagger, Dragon Shield, Blade Blaster (rarely used)
-Other available equipment/zord: wrist communicator, Power Morpher w/ Dragon Power Coin, Mega Healer, Dragonzord

The earliest career move for Thomas “Tommy” Oliver was being conscripted as the Green Ranger.

And he took the route of most bad*ss*s in history: using the powers of the dark side… until some boring goody-two-shoes snapped him out of it.

Well, at least he got to keep his cool items… most of them.

Rest in peace, Sword of Darkness. You fought bravely for all the baddies out there.

It wasn’t that big a loss. Even before Rita’s intervention, Tommy was a master of martial arts on par with Jason.

Yeah, that’s true. Besides, how many guys can say that they wield a Dragon Shield and Dagger that when played like a flute summons a mecha-godzilla?

Dragonzord.

Right. What did I say?

Anyway, he wears the standard Power Morpher which allows him to activate his Ranger powers. However, this only works if the Dragon Power Coin is attached.

He’s also got a Blade Blaster, but let’s be honest. When you have a dagger and a giant robot that can shoot lasers and energy, do you really need another laser weapon? Answer: HELL YEAH!

Before he lost his Green Ranger powers for good, he managed to defeat Lord Zedd and saved five teenagers from becoming Dark Rangers. In doing so, he learned one of the most important lessons for character development.

“It’s not just the costume and powers that give me strength. It's who and what I am inside that really empowers me.”

Man, I don’t remember him being so cheesy.

Quiet, B.

---Death Battle---

Saddle Rager
-Secret identity: unavailable
-Has a Hulk-like temperament
-Is very difficult to upset unless animals are involved
-Anger causes her muscles to bulge beyond normal-pony levels
-In rage mode, has 100% resistance to heat and energy blasts to the face; can even reflect said blasts back to their source
-Strategy consists of ripping apart the machine and smashing it to pieces
-Is quick to remember her place and feel sheepish

FLUTTER SMASH!

It’s Saddle Rager.

Whatever.

While Saddle Rager’s secret identity is unknown, it can be determined that she lives in the city of Maretropolis.

Will these “bucking” puns never end?

Trust me, we haven’t even gotten started yet. Saddle is one of the six Power Ponies, the heroes chosen to combat the evil schemes of the Mane-iac.

This comic book fantasy seems to mix references of other heroes just enough to avoid copyright infringement and/or trademark violation. For example, Saddle Rager’s powers are a tribute to the Incredible Hulk. In other words, you won’t like her when she’s angry. You’re going to love her!

So it’s not okay when the show makes puns, but it’s okay when you reference something in a witty way?

Yes.

Anyway, as you said, Saddle’s powers do involve an incredible strength gain simply by becoming angry. Her muscles become so large and dense that they are fully resistant to attacks based on heat and energy.

The attacks are even bounced back. How the hell does that work?

However, it is difficult to convince Saddle Rager to become enraged about anything. Under normal circumstances, she would rather avoid fighting if possible.

But if anyone so much as swats a fly in her general vicinity, they’re as good as dead.

“You’re just a great, big meanie! There! I said it! What makes you think you're so special?! Like the rules of common courtesy don't apply to you?! Why don't you pick on somepony your own size?!”

0.0 … Did you hear that roar?

0_o … I tasted that roar.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the first of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

Ah, there’s nothing quite as relaxing as a beach. Sun, surf, and sand use up your S’s for the day. I would’ve brought my swimsuit, but I sunburn easily. Oh, I guess we’re getting started here. The combatants are already facing each other.

Tommy Oliver calls out, “It’s Morphin Time!”

Several flashes of light later, the Green Ranger stands in place fully decked out in green and gold covering his suit. The already outfitted Pegasus pony seems bothered by something other than a need for a costume change.

“Um, could I take a rain check, please?” Saddle Rager asks with a small smile.

“FIGHT!”

Without so much as a ‘no’, Tommy runs in and starts throwing in some spinning punches and kicks. Saddle easily ducks under the air flailing, but gets a low sidekick right in her kisser. She holds up her front hoof to defend, though the effort does little to halt the Ranger’s onslaught.

Reluctantly, she throws in a punch and kick of her own. This counterattack proves fruitless, however, as Tommy’s defensive stance is more stable than Rager’s. Tommy goes back on the offensive as Saddle puts up a futile resistance.

A few exchanges like this later, we transition to a position further to the right on the beach. Saddle Rager comes tumbling in and lands on her side. A closer look reveals a small, brown crab wearing a conch shell. The crab is skittering about a foot away from her face.

“Oh, hello Mr. Hermit Crab,” mutters Saddle, “Did I interrupt your morning crabwalk? I’m sorry.”

The background music synthesizer hits a loud, dramatic note as a white boot literally smashes the conch shell. A small, almost inaudible whine can be heard from the shell’s sole resident. Saddle’s eyes open wide as she looks up at the perpetrator.

Her eyebrows narrow. She slowly stands up. She doesn’t avert her gaze.

“That poor hermit crab was just minding its own business and you had the nerve to step on it?”

During her line of questioning, Saddle’s garments start stretching and ripping all over the place. Additionally, muscles that weren’t there before somehow grow her into a bulkier form beyond the limits where even steroids could take some pony.

“You inconsiderate, blind, thoughtless, brutal jerk! How would you like it if some pony stepped on you?” she asks followed by a beastly roar.

A sweat drop forms outside of her enemy’s helmet.

“I need Dragonzord power!” Tommy exclaims. He holds his dagger up and starts moving his fingers around in the fashion of a flute player. Why a trumpet decides to play in the background is beyond me.

Something large disturbs the ocean’s gentle tide cycle. After much bubbling, the head of a large mechanical dinosaur appears followed by the rest of its body. It slowly wanders onto the beach.

As Tommy continues to play his dagger-flute-trumpet, the Dragonzord lets out a roar and swings its giant tail against the significantly smaller enemy. But in a surprisingly firm catch, two muscular hooves grab the tail and rip it off with little effort.

The giant pony heaves the tail piece and whacks it against the rest of the Zord’s body. A few hits here and a few hits there eventually leave the giant machine in a pile of rubble.

With her successful conquering of the Zord, she lets out another roar and beats her chest. Unbeknownst to her, however, the costumed Tommy Oliver sneaks around just under the Rager’s tail with his dagger in hand.

Uh… I don’t think a knife is supposed to go in there. Oh gosh! Don’t put it in there! This is getting very strange.

The sound of three laser blasts can be heard. After the third, Saddle Rager’s abdomen area explodes in green light and… oh, geez. I hope she doesn’t need all of that blood and those internal organs that are spilling out.

In a sound almost like a deflating balloon, her body shrinks to its original size. The Green Ranger tucks his shield away before sheathing his dagger.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

I’m twelve years old and what is this?

While typically fighting with good intentions, his career as a Ranger didn’t start out that way. It wouldn’t be that big of a stretch to consider the possibility of him picking up dirty, cheap tricks while fighting under Rita’s command.

Still, I’d have to say that was pretty close. It started off a bit slow, considering the fact that Saddle Rager had difficulty motivating herself to fight. But once she hulked out, there wasn’t much that could stop her. Even the Dragonzord stood little chance against her powerful hooves.

So in the end, it came down to whether brains could overcome brawns. Considering Mr. Oliver’s experience with fighting large, ruthless enemies, there was a high chance that he could find a workaround for dealing with a rage-mode Saddle Rager.

That pony may have Hulk’s super strength and skin, but that doesn’t offer much protection against hazards that are already inside her body.

I guess green wasn’t her color after all.

At least now we know that Saddle Rager had a lot of guts.

The winner is the Green Ranger.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

The Maretropolis Bakery was only sixty-five blocks away!

…

Mastodon!

Author's Note

Someone please help me.
I've officially gone insane. :pinkiecrazy:
Edit: False alarm. It was just a chest cold. :twilightsheepish:

Power vs. Power (part 2): Charismatic Party Lovers

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

If this chapter actually gets published, it means I’m serious about doing all six parts of this.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(17)

~Pony rock is in the house tonight and every pony’s just having good time.~

Last time on Death Battle, Tommy Oliver claimed the first win for the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

Can his teammates keep the win streak going?

Or will the Power Ponies be able to score one for the good ponies before this century is over?

Up next is Fili-Second as she takes on the original Black Ranger.

She’s N and I’m F.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…

… to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Fili-Second
-Alter-ego: not available
-Can run a distance of several miles in less than a second
-Always wins her games of Tag
-Cannot stand still (except when exposed to hairspray)
-Consistently baking more cupcakes on the run
-Tornado conditions can still sweep her off her hooves

Faster than a speeding bullet, more hyper than I am after drinking coffee, and as close as possible to copying the Flash without copyright infringement, it’s Fili-Second!

Fili-Second is one of the six Power Ponies, the heroes of Mare-tropolis.

N, they’ve already seen the backstory for Saddle Rager. I’m pretty sure they could figure out where the rest of the Power Ponies are from.

Well, this is a first. I never thought you’d be the one to take the fun out of exchanging dialogue prior to a match. I thought that was my job.

Nah, I’m just *eff*ing *ess*ing you. Keep going.

O…kay. Fili-Second’s most notable ability is her speed. True to her name, she can traverse long distances in less than a second.

She’s also got this unique sixth sense. She knows the exact location of every bakery within Mare-tropolis and knows just which one is close enough for her to run to, bake cupcakes, and come back before the important stuff happens.

However, her quick hoof work can’t outrun the force of a tornado.

Fortunately, she never has to fight Zapp. Instead, she spends her free time winning rounds of Ultimate Tag with the Mane-iac’s henchmen.

“Tag you're it! Tag you're it! Tag you're it! Tag you're it!”

Huh, you know… I have an urge to call those henchmen “Antony” for some strange reason.

Really? I thought they looked more like a “Stephen”.

Well, we’re done for now anyway. Take it away, Woom and Biz!

---Death Battle---

Black Ranger (That’s racist!)
-Zachary “Zack” Taylor
-Played by Walter Jones
-Enthusiasm, upbeat personality, and close friends with Jason, Billy, Trini, and Kimberly
-Likes: Pranks, Halloween
-Dislikes: Snakes, Spidertron
-Developed his own fighting style: Hip Hop Kido
-Mastodon Power Coin and Mastodon Dinozord

Thanks, Nire and Fyx.

Zachary Taylor is the original Black Ranger.

Ah-heh. Careful, W or we might have a mixed color debate in the comments.

Right, onto the trivial pieces of information. Zack is technically the first of the original members to morph into a Power Ranger. Also, he’s missing his left middle finger.

Yeah, he’s probably had one or more moments where he goes “*eff* you… oh, wait… I can’t.” Man, our pre-battle analysis is really harsh this time. What else can we strip from this guy’s dignity?

Maybe we should move on to his gear.

Great idea! Like the other Rangers, Zack carries a wrist communicator and a Blade Blaster. Presumably, he can ride a Battle Bike, though that’s never shown on screen. Man, why does everything epic have to happen off screen?

The Black Ranger’s specific weapon is the Power Axe. The weapon can be used to deliver blunt damage as well as be converted into the Cosmic Cannon.

I take it back. That’s pretty epic on screen.

His Zord is the Mastodon, which was actually supposed to be a mammoth, but the species was confused due to similar visual appearance during the final cuts.

W, let me tell you something. A mammoth may be big, but it’s way too cuddly in the movies. A mastodon on the other hand is straightforward with its rough and tough appearance when you see it.

Um… all right then. Zack tends to be very enthusiastic and upbeat. He loves partying, pranking, and scaring friends during Halloween.

But on the flipside, he shares Indiana Jones’ fear of snakes.

He has managed to conquer this fear after given some time. Additionally, he incorporates his love of dancing into his own fighting style of Hip Hop Kido.

Unfortunately, we won’t get to see this loveable cha cha kapow style for long. After some time passes, Zack will transfer his powers to Adam Park via the Sword of Light. What the hell? First it’s Tommy with the Sword of Darkness. Then it’s Zack with the Sword of Light. What’s next? Are the other four Rangers going to lose their powers via the Swords of Fire, Earth, Wind, Water, and Heart?

That’s five elements. There are only four Rangers battling after this.

But you get what I’m saying, right?

Well, if this is the last time we get to see Zack Taylor show them how it’s done, then let’s enjoy his dance as much as possible. Does that sound fair?

D**n straight!

“Looks like it’s time to go to work.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the second of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

This virtual city arena was brought to you in part by Sim City. All of your sandbox dreams of screwing up people's lives with tornados, fire, and giant robots can come true here. At least, that's assuming you play long enough to actually get to any of those hidden goodies. But enough about the computerized backup narrator's embarrassing past.

That program was full of bugs and you know it!

Zack Taylor is all suited up and ready for action. Likewise, his opponent just can't wait to get started as she is quickly running in place. She wears a big goofy grin.

“FIGHT!”

Contrary to his mild-mannered alter ego, the Black Ranger gets right to it. He pulls out his blaster and starts firing. The pony hero quickly becomes a blur to the camera. The laser fire barely skims Fili-Second's after-images. With another zoom sound effect, she vanishes. Where did she go?

"Tag, you're it!"

Oh, she's behind the ranger's shoulder. No, never mind. She's gone again. With another pink blur, she comes back and pokes his leg. She blurs away, comes around, and tickles his stomach. It's too bad we didn't hire the slow-motion cameraman today. I bet Fili-Second is doing a bunch of other things that we just can't see.

Zack lets out a couple of laughs before pulling out... Is that an axe?! Fili-Second comes in for another frontal touch-and-go. However, the Black Ranger uses this as an opportunity to practice his batting swing. The blunt side of the Power Axe smacks the speeding pony right smack in the face.

"Owie!" she exclaims.

Her body performs an involuntary backflip through the air. The ranger uses this opening to get a running start. As Fili-Second falls within reach, he starts delivering his own fast pace of arm and footwork. A karate chop is followed by a kick. That's followed by a slide to the left and a left hook. His next foot stomp hits the pony's tail, followed by some more dance-based hits.

I wonder if he's popular with the ladies.

You would ask that, computer, wouldn't you? Anyway, the Black Ranger finishes up his little number with one more swing from his Power Axe. The result is a nice, pony-shaped hole in the nearest skyscraper. Though, the body is nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd she go?" asks Zack.

His helmet gets hit by a blue-frosted cupcake. A green-frosted one hits his back. Orange frosting hits him in the left boot. Red frosting finds its way to his belt. Pretty soon, the Black Ranger finds himself covered head-to-toe in confectionary.

The camera zooms in on a speeding target down the street. It seems Fili-Second is galloping with a determined look on her face. It's a good thing that the replay cameraman is on duty. The audience gets to see the pony headbutt the ranger three times in a row even though it's really just one headbutt.

Her enemy twinkles in the distant sky.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

G*dd***it! I blinked.

Out of the original six Power Rangers, Zack Taylor was definitely the one with the most speed. However, this doesn't even come close to the speed of a Flash imitator, someone that can run faster than sound.

To be fair, the Black Ranger did outmatch Fili-Second in pure strength and his strategy was improvised enough to be more unpredictable. But there are times when even creative thinking can't outwit a speeding bullet, or in this case a speeding pony.

At least Zack will go down in history as a Hip Hop star.

The winner is Fili-Second.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

Triceratops!

…

So much for “element of surprise”.

Author's Note

ScrewAttack's Death Battle has surprised me before.
I wonder who the Pokemon in their next battle will be.

Power vs. Power (part 3): When Nerds Collide

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

I will not give up until after I finish this arc.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(18)

Actually, you won’t get fat if you burn calories by using your brain.

Talking to yourself, narrator?

Oh, ha ha.

You know what they say: “Third time’s the charm.”

They also say, “Time is candy.” But actually, time isn’t that sweet.

Last time, Fili-Second stayed true to her name and made quick work of the Black Ranger.

The score is now tied at one win apiece. What will this episode’s clash of heroes bring?

Why it’s the nerdiest of the nerds, of course!

In this corner we have the original Blue Ranger, Billy Cranston!

And in the other is the Masked Matter-Horn.

He’s F and he’s B.

He’s W and she’s N.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills…

… to find out who would win a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Blue Ranger
-Billy Cranston
-Stereotypical "nerd"
-Has a red belt in karate
-Created many of the team's gadgets including the wrist communicators
-Wields the Power Lance/"Mighty Maces"
-Has icthyophobia

True genius is almost never appreciated during its time. This has never been more true than in the case of the most important member of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Billy Cranston. In Angel Grove High's science club alone, he was one of the top members who aided the younger members' experiments.

Laying it on a bit thick, aren't you, W?

I don't know what you're implying, B.

*cough* Nerd. *cough*

Cranston was often inventing the latest tech and gear to aid his fellow rangers. In fact, it was he who invented the wrist communicators that made long-distance teamwork possible.

With the power of the Blue Ranger comes access to the Power Lance: a double-bladed lance that can generate electricity and can split into a pair of trident-like sai daggers.

Although he started out as the team's intellectual member, he has slowly developed his physical abilities enough to graduate with a red belt in karate.

In his childhood, he developed a fear of fish and whirlpools, but a forced encounter with the Goo Fish Monster helped him overcome that fear... well, long enough to save his friends anyway.

He is a genius capable of preparing for problems that even Zordon hasn't anticipated.

It's too bad nobody can understand what the hell he's saying.

"Her mastery of complex illustrated characters is most impressive."

Ugh, it's Donatello all over again.

---Death Battle---

Masked Matter-Horn
-Secret ID: N/A
-Species: Alicorn(?)
-Place of residence and super-heroism: Mare-tropolis
-Attire: goggles and light blue garments
-Power: various elemental beams; prefers the ice beam
-Super-weakness: Hairspray

It's hard to fully wrap my head around exactly whom the Masked Matter-Horn is supposed to be a rip-off. I mean, is she Cyclops? Dr. Strange? Fro-zone? Who the hell is she?

The world may never know. Questionable inspirations aside, the Masked Matter-Horn is essentially the brains of the Power Ponies. While she doesn't necessarily hold the group's role of leadership, she usually has the basic plan ready for the rest of her friends to carry out.

The mare with the plan, huh? Was it her plan to run straight at Mane-iac when the Hairspray Ray of Doom was being fully pressed? Nice going, egghead. You've single-handedly doomed us all.

She's the smartest of the group. It doesn't mean she's immune to making mistakes.

So why is she prone to making mistakes? Shouldn't an all-powerful alicorn pony be capable of turning her bad situations into opportunities? Where is her Mary-Sue OPness?

Wow.

N starts snickering.

What?

You don't think that last word sounds a little... pfft.

N drops to the floor and rolls around while guffawing.

Oh... *ahem* Let me rephrase that. Where is the Masked Matter-Horn's perfect princess powers?

N gets back in her chair.

For starters, she wasn't born an alicorn.

Yeah, I know. She ascended to that form.

No, no, no. Listen. What I mean is that she isn't an alicorn at all.

Come again?

According to a particular source, the Masked Matter-Horn has always been a Pegasus pony.

... Daf*q are you talking about?

Didn't you notice the color of her costume? Did you also notice that her horn is the same color as the rest of her garments? How could she be casting spells through a headband without directly hitting the band itself?

Wait, that horn is an artificial attachment?

Precisely. That's why her magic and range of spells are so weak in comparison to the average alicorn or even a well-versed unicorn. She can only cast elemental beams from her horn because that was all it was designed to do. It was never meant for a unicorn's basic levitation and teleportation purposes. Trying to force said spells would probably burn it out.

Why didn't she just use something that could handle a unicorn's spell and attach it to her head?

And just how many spare unicorn horns do you know of that are freely lying around in the comic-book world?

You make a fair argument. Still, I have to wonder why she constantly sticks to the frost beam.

"Freeze ray!"

Whatever.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the third of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

A red Ferrari zips by on the freeway. Why the battlefield is a virtual freeway with cars passing by this particular patch of road, I have no idea. Thankfully, traffic isn't too busy. There aren't so many obnoxious horns blaring in the background.

I spoke too soon. At least five horns honk at once as two figures crash onto the scene. There are also some annoying brakes screeching. Why can't drivers be more considerate of super-powered pedestrians? It's impolite to explode by colliding into various locations around the arena. Rude.

“FIGHT!”

The explosions don't seem to bother the combatants. In fact, they each close their eyes in deep thought. At least, I think their eyes are closed. It's difficult to tell through the ranger's black visor and the pony's orange-tinted goggles. Though, I don't have to wonder much longer. They lift their heads to look straight ahead as the split-screen cameraman takes a front look at them.

Under his blue attire, Billy Cranston makes the first move with a running start. He prepares a strike similar to that of an eagle's with his foot. The Masked Matter-Horn flaps her large wings. The force sends her sky bound, leaving the Blue Ranger to hit nothing but thin air.

Another car ignores common combat etiquette and screeches its brakes while swerving to avoid the ranger. It even tries to steal the spotlight by crashing into the concrete road barrier on the side. Nobody's impressed by your metal bits flying in all directions!

Anyway, Matter-Horn circles around, using her wings to flutter in place. Her horn charges up with bluish-white energy. She releases her freeze ray into the ground. The Blue Ranger jumps out of the way, performing an excellent scissor-kick before coming down to land on his feet.

His expert landing, however, is abruptly ended as he slips and falls onto his behind.

"That flying equus ferus callabus somehow caused a hypothermic reaction in the very petroleum-rock mix!"

...

What? I don't speak Cranstonese.

He just expressed his shock regarding how a pony just froze the tar on the road.

Moving along, Matter-Horn flies around the scene again while firing three short freeze rays. Thinking quickly, Cranston pulls out his Blade Blaster and fires three laser shots. The precision of either combatant's attacks cancel each other in midair. The combatants exchange a few more volleys of these attacks.

However, the purple would-be alicorn breaks away from the exchange as quickly as she started. Another strong burst is storing up in her horn. The Blue Ranger's thoughts race just before the giant cold beam is fired. In a flash reflecting the sunlight, the Power Lance is unleashed. The ranger uses it as an impromptu paddle and slides across the ice. A large misconfiguration of ice grows in the position that he just left.

As he slides from the ice to a less slippery road surface, Cranston jumps to his feet. He holds his lance in a more battle-ready posture. It's a good thing too, because Matter-Horn is finished charging up another powerful freeze ray. She launches it straight at the Blue Ranger leaving no room for error.

Too bad for her, a twirling Power Lance creates that very error she didn't calculate. This spinning motion creates some sparks that dance along the ranger's weapon. She decides to fly in for a more point-blank shot. So you can imagine her surprise when the ranger points his lance and a shock akin to lightning shoots forth.

The electricity surges through Matter-Horn, causing her muscles to spasm mid-flight. She lands gracelessly onto her own icy road.

The Blue Ranger takes a moment to split his lance into two daggers. He makes a flying leap at his opponent. The daggers find their new sheathe in the form of Matter-Horn's hide. Cranston quickly jumps from his current position just as another car slides across the ice and plows through the pony. The ranger lands and slips onto his rear on the ice again.

I seriously need to have a talk with all these cars about manners.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Mom, no! ;_;

Her mother comes into the backstage area and wraps a wing around her.

"Shh," hushes Twilight before whispering, "It's okay. I'm right here."

Uh, maybe we should move our post-battle analysis to another room.

Two sets of footsteps and one set of hoof steps later...

I hate to admit it, but that clash of the nerds was pretty epic.

Yeah, I mean did you see all of those sparks flying? It was like fireworks on steroids!

While neither combatant is the strongest on their team by any means, Billy Cranston had to train regularly to keep up with his fellow rangers. As far as we're exposed to the lore of the Power Ponies, the Masked Matter-Horn never had to train her physical stamina because the rest of her allies covered her weaknesses when they fought together.

Brains may beat brawn...

... but together, they can really shock you.

The winner is the Blue Ranger.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

What’s an attack construct?!

…

Sabre-Tooth Tiger!

Author's Note

My head hurts.

Power vs. Power (part 4): Tell Me I'm Pretty

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

I'm already halfway there. I might as well go the rest of the distance.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(19)

~Words can't bring you down.~

You going to be okay now?

Yeah, I'll be fine. *sniff* I'm ready.

Last time, the Blue Ranger brought some momentum to the victories of the Power Rangers.

The next match-up may seem a bit odd, but seeing as how the timid peacemaker was already pitted against the Green Ranger, there were few options left to remotely pit against each other sensibly.

Enough excuses! Just tell them who's fighting who already.

*Ahem* Today's fight will showcase the original Yellow Ranger.

She'll be facing off against the beautiful Radiance.

He's W and I'm B.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Radiance
-Alter-ego: (not available)
-Can be found in Mare-tropolis
-Power bracelet
-Can use her imagination to create physical attack constructs
-Is vulnerable to Mane-iac’s hairspray
-Has the most versatile magic on the team

~Elusive in the sky with diamonds...~

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, nothing. I was just stretching... my vocal chords. Yeah.

If I didn't know you, I'd call you out for being a smart-alec. So, care to give an overview of Radiance?

Sure thing! Just like the rest of the Power Ponies, she spends most of her time traversing through Mare-tropolis and foiling Mane-iac's plans as they arise.

Unique to this pony is her Power Bracelet. This piece of jewelry allows her to bring any imagined item into the physical realm under her control. Her favorites seem to consist of fashion accessories, stairs, and cages.

Does that make her a prostitute?

What? No! It just makes her the most versatile magic user on the team.

Oh, okay. So she's just banished from all official multi-player tournaments.

What are you talking about? Radiance isn't from a video game. She's from a comic book.

Yep. If Green Lantern were a chick and a pony, this is what he'd be.

But... I... you were... then... what... why did... ugh...

N's face slams against her desk.

"Ooh, I do so love a functional accessory!"

---Death Battle---

Yellow Ranger
-Trini Kwan
-Well-versed in Japanese Kata and Praying Mantis Kung Fu
-Lightning fast reflexes and powerful high kicks
-Gentle, kind, and uses least amount of force possible
-Able to translate Billy's techno babble into English
-Saber-Toothed Tiger Power Coin, Saber-Toothed Tiger Dinozord, and Power Daggers (or Dino Daggers)
-Has a fear of heights

A calm and composed young lady, Trini Kwan prefers to make peace and not war.

She's not so bad for a tree-hugging hippie.

Despite having a case of acrophobia, she is far from helpless. Trini is well versed in various martial arts such as Japanese Kata and the Praying Mantis style of Kung Fu. These arts focus on approaching problems systematically and turning defense into the greatest form of offense.

Her experience in these arts helps add to her repertoire where she utilizes her lightning fast reaction-time and those powerful legs. Oh, I'd let her hitchhike on my car if she showed me those legs.

Er-hem. Utilizing the power of the Saber-Toothed Tiger Coin allows Trini to access the powers of the Yellow Ranger. In addition to the standard Blade Blaster, she wields the Power Daggers which are capable of generating an energy-based double slash.

She can double slash me all night long.

I... don't get that. Anyway, Kwan is not only strong and agile. She is also quite the intellectual. At times, she is the only one around that can understand Billy Cranston's techno babble.

"He says I draw a good cartoon. Thanks, Billy."

Oh, so that's what he said before the battle in the last chapter. Thanks, Trini. Can I get your number?

B!

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the fourth of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

Geez, I overslept. It's already night over this forest-covered arena. Can somebody get me a flashlight?

*tick* Is that better?

Ah, thank you. It looks like our combatants are standing in the middle of a large, grassy clearing. The first stands tall and holds her arms out. Her gloved hands look like they are "cupping" down. The second, however, is looking around and at herself with a concerned frown.

"Oh, drat," she says, "I didn't know today's battle theme was yellow. Could I run home really quick? I have a fabulously bright golden battle outfit that hasn't seen the starlight of night in years."

The camera shakes back and forth horizontally.

"No?" The pony sighs.

"I don't think it really matters what you're wearing during a fight," comments the ranger while tilting her head in confusion.

The Power Pony's eyes widen briefly. They narrow as her head turns to glare at the opponent. "I shall make you eat those words."

“FIGHT!”

Radiance's bracelet glows brightly. Pink lights form and manifest as a physical tea set, used napkins, and cutlery. As the pony hardens her gaze, the assortment of objects flies through the air. The whooshing noise from each of the objects is quite loud and blustery.

A twinkle of light briefly crosses the Yellow Ranger's visor. A visual on the teapot is caught by our slow-motion cameraman. An instant before the teapot can make damaging contact, Trini's curved hand catches it before swatting it off to her side. As quickly as each piece of the impromptu tea set approaches her, she lifts a leg or arm to strike it away. The scene kind of reminds me of how Ryu Hayabusa was able to quickly disassemble Strider Hiryu's battle robots.

The Yellow Ranger quickly follows this impressive display by making an aerial dive through the onslaught of forks and knives. None of the pink silverware manages to come anywhere closer than a millimeter to her suit, let alone her skin. After the last spoon misses her head, she rolls along the grass before quickly standing up. She proceeds to deliver a flurry of kicks against her opponent.

The Power Pony, however, conjures a large shield out of thin air. In spite of its translucent appearance, it blocks the damage being delivered by her opponent's kicks. Realizing this, Trini pulls out her trademark weapons which she calls the Dino Daggers. Yellow energy starts pulsating from both of these knives. Radiance takes a backward leap.

The next double-strike from the ranger leaves the shield in a shattered, yellow mess. (Little force as possible, my aunt Fee-Fee)

Another glow from the Power Bracelet lifts Radiance as she rides a pink magic carpet. She circles around the battlefield. Meanwhile, Trini pulls out her blaster and starts firing lasers upward. With a few lady-like yelps, Radiance sways and swerves her carpet. She narrowly dodges the laser fire as she concentrates on her bracelet again.

A second rug of similar design flies down and literally sweeps the ranger off her feet. It floats around at about Radiance's current elevation. The Yellow Ranger stands up on the rug. She briefly holds her head, feeling ill. She then shakes herself out of the feeling. With daggers in hand, she jumps the short distance and lands on the first rug while swatting the pony off.

In panic, Radiance activates her bracelet yet again. This time, a rather snazzy parachute slows her descent to a more comfortable pace. With imminent death no longer her primary fear, she focuses on the remaining rug above her.

"Woah!" exclaims Kwan as the rug rolls itself up and wraps her inside of it. Only her head is visible from this angle. Gravity decides that the rug has defied physics long enough and quickly pulls the carpet down to earth.

The bracelet glows one more time. The air above the ranger is quickly filled with sewing needles... all pointing down. The needles rain down, piercing the carpet and all of its contents.

Radiance gently floats down to the grass before ditching her parachute to the winds. She then conjures a brush to deal with her most recently developed split ends.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Amore Cadenza, how horrifying!

Undoubtedly, Trini Kwan is smarter and possibly faster than Radiance.

However, her systematic approach to battles makes her strategy more predictable and easier to counter.

When your arsenal consists of literally anything that you can possibly think of, there's no telling what direction the battle will take.

On the bright side, we won't have to dig through any haystacks the next time we need a needle.

The winner is Radiance.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…
…

Pterodactyl!

…

Seriously? You aren’t even just a little bit angry right now?

Author's Note

Some people have posted the most hilarious reaction videos to some of Screw Attack's Death Battles.
Granted, it's not as fun as watching the real thing first hand. But it is neat to see someone else laughing or screaming at their computer.

Power vs. Power (part 5): Acrobatic Weather

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

A/N: I usually have something witty and/or stupid to say here.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(20)

Warning! This chapter contains lightning! Real lightning!

That last acupuncture was really heart-pounding.

Last time, Radiance pierced any chance of a Ranger streak by taking down the Yellow Ranger.

The score is tied two to two. Today, we give another Power Pony a chance to possibly increase their score.

But will she take it or go home dead?

The power of the thunderbolt rests in the hooves of Zapp.

She'll be facing off against the original Pink Ranger.

He's F and he's B.

She's N, I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Pink Ranger
-Kimberly Hart
-The valley girl with witty retorts
-Combines gymnastic maneuvers with elbows and kicks
-Utilizes the environment around her and the one to find visible weaknesses
-Pterodactyl Power Coin, Pterodactyl Dinozord, and the Power Bow
-Constantly in danger when isolated
-She and Tommy make a cute couple

Kimberly Hart started out in Angel Grove as your typical California Girl.

Then, Zordon pulled her and four other teens out of their normal lives to take on the evil forces of Rita. Oh, and she still has to keep up with her extracurricular activities. Thanks a lot, powers that be.

Your sarcasm is actually right on topic. Kimberly is usually the first member to comment with sarcasm or quick wit. Though, she is more well-known for the various ways she helps out in her hometown. She taught dance classes at the youth center, designed a parade float's floral pattern, sang, played guitar, and was great at cheerleading.

In other words, she did all the stuff I never wanted to do in school.

Kimberly is best friends with Trini Kwan and even helped her start a petition to increase environmental awareness.

Uh oh. Looks like somebody is going to seek revenge against a certain group of ponies for killing their best friend last time. Oh well. At least she still has her lover Tommy to look after her.

Anyway, Hart has been a prime target for trouble on several occasions. She has been body-swapped with Billy Cranston, turned into a punk via Baboo's potion, and captured by Goldar to be Lord Zedd's queen. After going through all that and more, she has somehow come out of the experience with much more kindness and depth inside of her.

I bet Tommy could dig even deeper inside of her.

As usual, I'm going to ignore you. While fighting as the Pink Ranger, Kimberly combines her gymnastic maneuvers into the power of her elbows and kicks. She can jump around while using the surrounding environment as a springboard. Plus, whenever the enemy has an obvious weak point, she has been called upon to deliver the finishing blow.

Such precise finishers are made possible through her use of the Power Bow AKA the Battle Bow. It fires pink arrows that somehow cause explosions upon impact.

And for short durations, the bow can be used as a melee weapon as well as transform into a harp.

Okay, I get that she's a musician, but how exactly does a harp help in battle?

When the writers figure something out, of course.

"Um, you haven't by any chance seen a morphological being lurking around here?"

---Death Battle---

Zapp
-Ego: extremely existent
-Power is wielded via her necklace
-Can conjure weather phenomena; tornados seem to be the most common
-Lacks subtlety
-Holds less control over clouds than normal pegasi
-Super-weakness: Hairspray

Ah, the X-Men's Storm copycat. I can add another chip to my bingo sheet.

Wait, when did you get a...? Never mind, I don't want to know. Zapp is the nature controller of the Power Ponies. Whenever she takes hold of her lightning bolt necklace, the weather in the nearby area bends to her will.

Though, it sometimes produces a phenomena different than what she specifically has in mind.

"Lightning! Not a tornado!"

This didn't seem to deter her confidence. In fact, she was directing the lightning as smoothly as a conductor guides music just a few minutes later.

Despite her nerfed capabilities with weather in comparison to the average Pegasus pony, Zapp has a bit of a superiority complex. She doesn't wait around for a carefully thought out plan. She prefers to go in lightning blazing and ego strumming.

And she's often the first one to fall into the villain's trap, like when she was the test subject for Mane-iac's Hairspray of Doom.

But, N.

What is it, F?

Do you know what happens when a henchman is struck by lightning?

Tell me.

The same thing that happens to everything else.

...

...

...

A/N: :facehoof:

Somewhere in the distance, a man named Yami Marik laughs hysterically.

Ugh. Think you can save this awkward moment?

"No biggie. I was already awesome."

Okay, good.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the fifth of six debates once and for all.

It’s time for a…

DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

It appears that Tails is flying home after a long battle with Luigi. I'm not sure why the cameraman is looking at him. He's not a combatant in today's match. We see him land on top of the plateau that rests on the top of a green hill zone loop.

A lightning bolt flashes before a loud thunder clap. The two-tailed fox yelps in fright before spin-dashing off the screen. The view of the scene zooms out a bit. Ah, there they are. Our combatants stand on the grassy area in the foreground. Well, the one on the left is anyway. The one on the right seems more content with flapping her wings while floating in place.

“FIGHT!”

The Pink Ranger starts off with an aerial flip forward. Simultaneously, Zapp grabs her lightning bolt necklace in her teeth and flies down low. The clouds above swirl around a bit before a giant, white lightning bolt is released downward. Both combatants narrowly avoid getting their rear ends scorched off as the charge off electricity races into the ground.

Kimberly sets foot on the ground, but not for long. She quickly bounces up and flips again before placing her foot against a... vertical, grassy wall. (Where did that come from?) Pushing off with the sound effect of an uncoiling spring, she soars through the air. A few spins allow her to kick Zapp in various places multiple times. The ranger finishes her aerial attack with a strong elbow strike against the pony's chest waist.

Zapp stumbles through the air a bit before shaking off the pain. She turns around and her eyes glow in a blinding white. The clouds above swirl again. Instead of another bolt, however, a gray funnel starts churning down and forward. It's a twister!

To her credit, the Pink Ranger tries her hardest to run. She even tries a butterfly swimming movement while her body is being lifted into the air. But her efforts are in vain against the harsh tornado. She gets sucked into the funnel and gets flung around in a large, oval-shaped path.

Meanwhile, Zapp keeps her wings flapping to keep a safe distance from her conjured storm.

Back inside the tornado, Kimberly tries an unusual move of wielding a pink bow. She takes aim into the same direction as the wind and fires. The laser arrow flies around the storm creating a bright, pink circular section of the tornado. She alters her aim slightly. After a few passes of the first arrow, she releases a second shot.

The stop-motion camera reveals that this shot makes a direct hit against the first arrow.

The collision creates a laser explosion. The shockwave overpowers the winds of the tornado, practically popping it like an overfilled balloon. Zapp shields her face with one wing against the bright light. As the noise from the explosion dissipates, she resumes a normal flapping in place to take a better look. What she sees makes her jaw drop.

The Pink Ranger plants her feet firmly on the ground. She lifts her bow and looks directly at her opponent. The pony snaps out of her stupor and clenches her charm between her teeth.

Another laser arrow is launched from the Power Bow. Zapp releases a small jolt directly from her charm. These attacks collide and seems to explode against each other in midair. More arrows are fired. More sparks fly.

No offense, but this is turning into a cliche scene of ranged missiles countering each other blow for blow.

Luckily, this ranged waving contest only lasts for a few more seconds. The Pink Ranger holds her aim for much longer as her next laser arrow forms. Meanwhile, an electrostatic discharge races around Zapp's charm as her eyes glow again. I'd say the suspense is killing me, but that isn't the case. If I were dying, the computer would be handling the narration.

Affirmative.

The wait is over as multiple things happen next. Kimberly fires her large shot. A huge lightning bolt soars from above the cloud layer. Time seems to slow down. The final attacks approach their intended targets.

The audience is blinded by the overpowering explosions of light, fire, and smoke.

When the smoke clears, we see a close-up of the ranger's boots. A loose Power Bow quickly fills the foreground view before the pink legs change from upward-diagonal to completely horizontal. A quick transition follows Zapp's body heading toward the ground. Her eyes are closed. Her chest, however, is not.

The scene zooms out to a ranger flat on her face and a pony flat on her back. The pink one's helmet cracks.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

I think I got spoiled with the previous fight. This one just didn't... feel like a Death Battle.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. Explosions are way more fun than throwing tiny needles.

At a glance, Kimberly Hart had the most advantages. Her experience against powerful enemies and a plethora of life situations that no ordinary human should go through would normally make for a capable fighter. Additionally, her ability to spot an enemy's weak spot is certainly capable of taking down a forward enemy like Zapp.

However, Zapp is also able to survive tough odds, even the struggle against her own powers. Additionally, in spite of Kimberly surviving the electrical surge that once swapped her mind with Billy, the resulting voltage from a lightning bolt in nature is much greater and more lethal than the amount needed to rearrange brainwaves. It's kind of like testing your luck against multiple headshots.

So, while Zapp was able to make the battle an electrifying experience...

... Kimberly managed to pierce the 'heart' of the storm.

The result of this Death Battle...

... is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

Time to Power Pony up!

…

It’s Morphin Time!

Author's Note

Storm vs. Hawkeye
Yeah, I don't know what they have in common either.

Power vs. Power (part 6): Red Leader

Please make sure the setting in the top right is “Dark”, not “Light”. Thank you.

Time to end this. Ragnarok!
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Haim Saban, and Shuki Levy.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(21)

~Here come the power entities of two series.~

The time has come for the ultimate power clash.

With the score technically still tied after the last battle, much rides on the shoulders of whoever wins this fight between ranger and pony.

You know, no pressure or anything.

They are the ones on their respective teams to wear the most red and the ones that lead their teams to victory, justice, and attitude.

The first and arguably the best Red Ranger.

And the most recent and arguably far from last heroine, Mistress Mare-velous.

Which of these teams deserves the first name of Power?

You know what we have to do.

He's W and I'm B.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Mistress Mare-velous
-Secret identity: I dunno
-Wears a red outfit and a black mask
-Psychic connection with her lasso
-Carries several other tools of combat similar to those of Batman and Robin
-If she loses mental focus, her lasso can turn on her
-Has no clear workaround against Mane-iac’s hairspray

Mistress Mare-velous sports the most iconic hero's color of red as she takes charge of the Power Ponies and their catchphrase.

"Time to Power Pony up!"

In case it wasn't obvious of exactly what her heroine persona is a rip-off, here's the "too long, didn't read" version. Combine Ms. Marvelous's name with Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth, Batman's batarangs, Robin's wonder boy get-up and Applejack's southern twang.

Wow, you're not wasting any time, are you?

We can't afford to. We already used up most of the speaking budget in that overblown introduction of this chapter.

But we don't even get paid.

That's exactly right. We're broke. We can't afford any more.

Uh-huh. Anyway, Mare-velous's lasso isn't completely Wonder Woman's. There is also a psychic connection that she shares with it. With it, she can will it in nearly any direction that she wants to, without even guiding it physically.

Sure, but she still needs to see what she's tossing that rope at. Plus, if she gets distracted, it can turn around and be used against her until she's blue in the face... or less orange as the case may be.

Fortunately, the psychic lasso is not Mare-velous's only weapon of choice. She also carries a large supply of horseshoe-rangs.

They can be used to conk enemies upside the head or strap their feet to the ground, causing them to trip over themselves.

She is also one of the most physically fit members of the Power Ponies, second only to a fully enraged Saddle Rager.

I guess I should be impressed that she was able to hang upside down for several minutes without the blood rushing to her head. I should also be impressed that her psycho-rope can somehow grab and disperse giant tornados.

Psychic rope... Wait, you're not?

No, I'm not. Her super weakness is hairspray of all things. *Eff*ing hairspray!

You shouldn't underestimate the dangers of sprayed chemicals. See when various colognes and perfumes are used excessively, they actually prevent oxygen from being absorbed by the lungs breathing in an otherwise healthy atmosphere. The fact that the Hairspray of Doom merely paralyzed her instead of outright killing her actually speaks volumes of how much contamination that Mistress Mare-velous can withstand.

Okay, fine. She's got He-Man's lung capacity. Anything else?

"Is that a... shampoo factory?"

Oh, I guess we should add Captain Obvious to the list of heroes that she ripped off.

---Death Battle---

Red Ranger
-Jason Lee Scott
-Martial artist practitioner and teacher
-Athlete, weight trainer, and scuba diver
-The first to actually believe Zordon regarding the powers; leader of the Rangers and a formidable force of good
-Tyrannosaurus Dinozord and Power Sword
-Has a soft spot for kids

Jason Lee Scott started out as your typical teenager with attitude. He is a master of martial arts and taught them to those willing to enter his friends' usual hangout.

Despite Tommy being the obvious bad*ss of the team, Jason can hold his own against him in a tournament martial arts competition. He's apparently so amazing that he was able to rub off some of his skills onto the team's nerd.

Additionally, Jason has several other athletic experience including weight training and scuba diving.

Enough about the boring school life, W. Let's move on to the more important things like his ranger powers.

After utilizing the Power Coin, Jason becomes the Red Ranger, who holds more than enough power to take down several of Rita's Putties.

Like any good ranger, he carries a standard Blade Blaster that shoots lasers and he carries a Thunder Slinger which fires even stronger lasers.

Unique to the Red Ranger is the weapon known as the Power Sword, the key source of power for all the other rangers' power weapons. This weapon is capable of slashing with energy to increase its damage.

While the sword can't be wielded by just anybody, Jason can lend it if he's willing to. That's how Tommy was able to use it for a short time. It is also heavily implied that the Rangers ride Battle Bikes when teleportation is out of the question for whatever reason.

Jason was the first willing "teen with attitude" to fight for the greater good under Zordon's guidance. He beat the weightlifting record of Bulk. On top of that, he was able to defeat Tommy Oliver in a sword fight while the Green Ranger was under the influence of black magic.

If that isn't backing up your words with force, I don't know what is.

"Zordon said these Power Morphers would give us power! Let's do it!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let’s settle the last of six debates once and for all.

But first, a little word from our imaginary sponsors.

DEATH BA-! Wait, what?

---Death Battle---

Hey, boys and girls. Do you want your own action figures? Of course you do. You practically eat them out of the palm of our hands. Just go buy them. If you can't afford that, beg your parents to purchase it for you. What's that? Your parents are dead? No problem! Write a strong letter to Santa encouraging him that the Power Rangers and My Little Pony toys are the ones you want the most. He'll get to you... eventually.

~Go, go, buy merchandise!
Do, do, do, do, do
Rangers and Pony toys!
Do, do, do, do, do,
Go out and buy our toys
Your life will be empty without toys!~

...

*Ahem* If you're finished pretending to be one of the *sshat business owners, it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

An eagle screeches as it flies over the scene. The camera slowly pans to the left. There is the occasional cactus and even a jackrabbit. A tumbleweed rolls by in the opposite direction. A slightly larger overview reveals this to be one of many plateaus surrounding a dust-filled canyon.

One pony stands, all decked out in her wardrobe and ready to go. A few feet away stands one man. His face shows anything but a happy expression. His arms are crossed and his feet stand apart.

"I think it's about time we settled this, don't you?" he asks.

"That much we can agree on, partner," answers the pony before spitting to her left.

"It's Morphin Time!" Jason shouts as he pulls out his Power Coin. "Tyrannosaurus!"

A few flashes of red sparks and light later, the Red Ranger stands by for battle. The mistress paws the ground in anticipation.

“FIGHT!”

Our combatants charge in toward each other. Within inches of each other, they deliver their respective rounds of kicks. After a flurry of low strikes, the Red Ranger throws in a few more as well as an arm chop. Mistress Mare-velous slides back a foot or two on the dusty ground. She shakes off her stupor and gallops forth again.

She starts off with some front-legged jabs, but the ranger easily blocks them. But this does not prepare him for Mare-velous's sudden shift of position. She delivers a mighty buck that would make Applejack jealous. Jason slides back a couple of feet while holding up his arms in an X-shaped guarding position. He quickly regains his footing and lowers his arms. He starts running in again.

The pony pulls out a couple golden horseshoes and kicks them forth. Right at his next footfalls, the Red Ranger finds his feet stuck in fixed positions. The rest of his body, however, still moves forward at his initial running velocity. This ends up with him falling chest first into the ground.

He isn't done yet, though. The Red Ranger pulls out his Power Sword that briefly reflects a flash of sunlight. He whacks his foot bindings a total of six times. The resulting force slides the horseshoes off. He stands up again and continues his run. He then prepares a vertical slash with his blade.

Mistress Mare-velous surprisingly catches the less-sharpened sides of the sword with both of her hooves. The attack is halted, yet she appears to be straining. The combatants both groan against each other's strength.

(Meanwhile...)

A pink blur whizzes by multiple times, striking against the Blue Ranger. However, with each pass, he delivers a striking motion with one of his arms or legs. In spite of his lack of agility, he seems no worse for wear.

How is this guy blocking all of my super speedy sneaky strikes? wonders Fili-Second.

As long as I maintain a lead on this equine's relative accelerative force, thinks Billy Cranston, I can uphold an educated guess on her global position, thereby reducing her pain-induced reception on my anatomy.

...

Why can't this guy just use normal words?

(Meanwhile still...)

Radiance conjures a sword out of pure light and levitates it around in a dueling pattern. The Green Ranger feints and parries with his dagger while using his shield to absorb the stronger strikes. She tries to distract him by creating a fabulous dress and throwing it at him. He somehow manages to slash right through the artificial fabric while blocking three more strikes from the artificial sword.

This crime against fashion cannot be tolerated. Radiance conjures forth several spools of thread that float in midair. The camera zooms in on Tommy's visor even though we can't see what his facial expressions are.

(Yet another meanwhile...)

...

I don't know what I'm looking at. I mean, yes, it looks like a small dragon wearing a cape and a mask. Yes, it looks like he's having a slap fight with an old model of a futuristic robot. But I still don't know what I'm looking at. It sounds like they're both screaming while they flail their limbs around.

Humdrum steps one foot into a bucket full of soapy water. Though, I'm fairly certain that the bucket wasn't there before. Anyway, he trips backwards, inadvertently launching the bucket into the air. Some water sprays all over Alpha before the bucket lands upside down on his head.

...

I've got to stop letting Berry convince me to go drinking with her.

(Back to the fight that actually matters...)

Five strikes from the Power Sword send Mistress Mare-velous toppling backward. Her mouth drops the horseshoe-rang that she was about to throw. She struggles as she stands back up. The Red Ranger delivers one more kick, launching the mare over the edge.

She closes her eyes gently as a glowing rope emerges from beside her. The loop of the lasso flies up before wrapping around the standing ranger. Jason lets out a quick yelp as he gets yanked over the edge too. After which, Mare-velous grabs the unlooped end in her teeth. The rope lets go of Jason and wraps around a large, sturdy side of the cliffside.

At the same time, the Red Ranger jams his sword into a section on the cliff's wall. Both combatants manage to slow their descents to a non-lethal halt. With certain falling death postponed, the mistress gives a thought-command, telling her lasso to wrap its mouth-held end around herself. It complies before lifting her back onto the flat plateau.

Jason attempts to reach for the next rocky extension above his current position, but he can't quite reach.

A couple of evil cackles pierce the stereo system. Mistress Mare-velous and the Red Ranger quickly turn their heads to look. On another plateau about as far away as the river down below is wide, two other figures stand to observe.

"To think, all I had to do was find another 'mane six' heroes and convince the Power Ponies that said heroes were my new 'mane' henchmen," Mane-iac said with an insane chuckle.

"I can't believe those puny rangers actually believed that my new minions were toy horses!" Rita exclaimed with an even more insane chortle.

The screen splits between a view of Mare-velous's mask and the Red Ranger's helmet. It quickly switches to a solo view of the pony as she psychically throws her lasso once more. It wraps around Jason and pulls him back to the relatively safer level of the plateau. Mare-velous smiles in understanding. The ranger nods once before holding up his wrist near his helmet's mouth area.

"Calling all Rangers!"

The scene cuts to each of the other bouts currently taking place. All attacks cease and desist as a talk bubble with badly drawn illustrations of Mane-iac and Rita pop onto the screen. Exclamation points flash over four heads. Fili-Second picks up the Blue Ranger before they both are whisked away by a pink blur. A more delicate approach is made by Radiance who conjures two flying carpets for herself and the Green Ranger.

The six heroes that still have breath gather at the plateau where they can all see the two supervillains. Said villains grin wildly before Rita waves her arms wide. The motion magically summons several Putties and pony henchmen that surround the heroes.

"Get them!" Rita and Mane-iac yell.

This little dance number barely lasts a minute. After several punches, kicks, laser blasts, needles, blade swings, cupcakes, and mace clobbering, all of the minions are either dust or lying unconscious.

The three standing rangers and three standing ponies return their attention to the primary threats. On another close plateau, Alpha and Humdrum cheer their friends on.

"Go, go, Power Rangers!"

"You can win, Power Ponies!"

Billy points his lightning filled mace. "Your vast reach of fabricated circumstances..."

Tommy points his Blade Blaster. "And your reign of evil..."

Jason arms his Thunder Slinger. "... end here!"

Several pink needles float in the air in front of Radiance. "You know, for all of your so-called brilliance..."

Fili-Second lifts a platter of cupcakes with many different frosting colors. "You sure didn't think this plan out very well."

Mare-velous tosses a horseshoe-rang up and down with one hoof. "What did you think was going to happen when you brought all of us superheroes in one place?"

For once, Mane-iac sits on her rump. "Huh. I 'mane' not have thought this plan through."

Rita turns at her in annoyance. "Oh, you think?!"

"Fire!" Power Rangers and Ponies shout as they all launch their respective ranged attacks.

The cliff that they shoot explodes. Rocks tumble as well as our villains.

"I will return!" shouts Rita as she falls.

"So will I!" the Mane-iac hollers before laughing even wilder than before.

The rangers lift their hands as respectively colored smoke bursts behind them.

"Oooo, pretty colors!" exclaims Fili-Second.

Alpha and Humdrum hold each other's hands as they dance around in a 'ring-around-the-rosie' fashion.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Ha ha ha! Yes! That's the most fun I've had in forever!

Yes, that certainly held something of epic proportions.

While spells and deception were enough to keep these powerful heroes distracted for a long time, their quick-thinking and ability to read the situation allowed them to recognize the real threat that was staring at them this whole time.

See? Vegeta and Mewtwo aren't the only ones that can put aside their differences and combine their powers for the sake of the greater good.

First it was bam! Then it was kapow! Then it was a whole lot of kaboom!

It wouldn't have made sense for them to keep fighting each other anyway. Both the Red Ranger and Mistress Mare-velous hold high regard for integrity, morality, and justice. Once evil reared its ugly head, duty called.

Friendship? Again? Yes, again!

The winner is the Power of Teamwork.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I might have had a little too much fun searching through all the various versions of the Power Rangers' theme songs for this chapter. :twilightsheepish:
As for next time, I'm thinking of a little thought experiment.
If everyone who follows this story can agree on one particular matchup (in the form of one person commenting with the matchup and the thumbs up for that comment being somewhere in the double digits [heck, triple if you really want to get ambitious]), I'll choose that for my next written battle, no questions asked. (The obvious restriction is that one side must exist in the MLP:FiM cartoon.)
Otherwise, expect a snail's pace as I decide which of my previous fan suggestions and/or personal choices to tackle.

Kneel, Mare in the Moon

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.

No Autobot alive could stop Decepticon Barricade from suggesting this matchup.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and DC Comics.

The Moment No Pony Was Waiting For
Season 2
(22)

Look, it’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… killing us all! AAAAAH!

Ah, it’s good to be king of the seats again.

N and F have moved back to Side Battle for now. But, B, it’s not exactly a position of royalty.

I know. It’s because I rule.

*muttering* Is it too late to bring back those ponies?

Ah, you can talk to your two girlfriends some other time.

Wait, what?! They’re not my-!

Oh, hey! We’ve got a suggestion that got buried in the sea of comments. *ahem* Superman proved that he was the superior alien warrior by beating the Ki out of Goku.

W makes a mental note to deal with B later.

However, the heroes aren’t the only ones itching to pick a fight. Once again, we’re bringing Nightmare Moon into the fray, complete with powers added to her repertoire in the Season 4 premiere.

She’ll be squaring off with first-time combatant General Zod, Krypton’s rebel leader and Superman’s evil stalker.

As was done with Superman, we’ll be focusing on the modern Zod, as he was re-made after 1985.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Nightmare Moon
-Possessor of Luna
-Fueled by her own hatred and envy
-Powerful in strength, relative flight speed, and magic
-Lightning strikes and magical beams of pain/destruction
-Wears plated armor
-Has the ability to shape-shift
-Vulnerable to the Elements of Harmony

"There can only be one princess in Equestria! And that princess... will be me!

A thousand one years ago, Princess Luna's jealousy became too powerful for her to contain. Combining her own essence with that of a shadowy power, she was refigured into the pony of eternal night: Nightmare Moon.

And that, dear viewers, is why we keep the lights on from several different directions. W and I will never feel like we're stuck in each other's shadow.

When did you get all these lights?

Advantage Program funding.

I don't know what I was expecting.

Nightmare Stripper wears plated armor, boots, and a helmet. Don't ask me why. Her enemies never bother striking those particular body parts.

Nightmare Moon holds all of the powers she did as Luna. These include, but aren't limited to Pegasus flight, earth pony strength, and unicorn magic. Somehow, her own hatred and negative emotions increased the potency of these skills tremendously.

Yeah, really! Have you ever seen an Avada Kedavra spell blast through solid brick and crumble concrete bridges?

It's not specifically the killing curse, B. It's actually a basic burst of magic intended to cause pain and suffering. The property damage is just a nice bonus.

Well, I guess. I like it better when she chooses to cast freaking lightning bolts at people.

Nightmare Moon also has the ability to alter her physical body into other forms.

The default form aside from black pony is a dark, purple cloudy thing that's somehow capable of splitting solid cliff sides and facial hair. She can also split her cloud body into three smaller bodies that can shape-shift separately from each other.

Despite her array of the dark arts, she tends to lack any sense of tactics. Often, she flies in headfirst, horn blasting, and hooves stomping. On top of that, her patience of waiting on the moon caught up with her, making her prone to sitting through speeches of the heroes.

Not to mention, she has a specific weakness to six pieces of jewelry which can either blast her into a pony-shaped face in the moon or strip her shadow from the princess she possesses. Which of these effects takes place? Well, that all depends on if you've got one pony or more shooting the ROY-G-BIV laser.

Yet if left unchallenged, her precious night may very well last forever.

All twenty-two minutes of it.

“I have but one royal duty now: to destroy you!”

---Death Battle---

General Zod
-Species: Kryptonian
-Ordered the creation of a Char look-alike in order to justify a war
-Deception was discovered before his banishment to the Phantom Zone
-Fueled by the power from a yellow sun
-Vast strength, speed, and endurance; super hearing; x-ray vision; telescopic, microscopic, and heat vision; super-breath and freeze-breath; invulnerability; healing and flight; telekinetic powers
-Detailed knowledge of military tactics
-Main weakness: Arrogance

"I will find him... I will find him."

I'm sorry. Could you say that one more time?

"I will find him!"

Nope, still not hearing it.

"I will find him!"

Ah, there we go.

Zod is an alien that originates from Krypton, Superman's home planet. Contrary to the Man of Steel's goals, however, Zod's main objective is to wipe out mankind and replace the population with genetically engineered Kryptonian life.

As his title suggests, the general is pretty savvy in military tactics. However, this knowledge doesn't save him from being sucked into the Phantom Zone for rebelling against his fellow Kryptonians.

Zod shares many powers with Kal-El, including his super strength, speed, flight, hearing, breath powers, and heat vision. Additionally, he has some telekinesis. This allowed him to pull a gun to his grasp from several feet away.

There was even a time where he controlled Lex Luthor's body, but uh... that was with help from Braniac. D**n. I wanted to see more brainwashing powers.

He may share powers and abilities with Superman, but he also shares weaknesses to green and red Kryptonite. These radioactive rock fragments can either drain his powers or cause unpredictable bodily transfigurations.

Aw... look at the cute, general bunny.

A squeaky "Kneel!" is heard.

Never mind.

In addition to his lack of magical resistance, Zod carries one more weakness: arrogance. While he has the power to match and even overpower Kal-El, he may overlook his vulnerability to his foe's desperate strength.

Let's hope he can keep his head on straight for this battle.

“I will find him!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

It’s time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

“Giant dragon, bring back to life all of the people that were on Earth before it blew up!”

“Your wish has been granted.”

With those closing words, the Dragon Balls disperse from Kami’s place to scatter around the world.

“Wait, how many times have you done this?” wonders Superman.

“About once every five years,” replies Goku as his halo vanishes. “Why?”

“But, that’s…” The Man of Steel fails to grasp what he’s hearing. “It’s like death has no consequence for you people.”

“Huh.” Goku scratches his chin in thought. “I guess it really doesn’t.”

Meanwhile above the stalker’s other-worldly camera equipment…

“So, Kal-El,” mutters a dark, shadowy figure, “you believe yourself high and mighty by taking down yet another alien capable of destroying planets. When my next plan is fully in place, no amount of wish-granting dragons will be able to repair the suffering I cause to you.”

“And… cut!”

“What?!” The shaded figure spins around. “Who is there?”

*snap*

The two figures disappear in a flash of white light.

*Brr-zap!*

An extra figure stands with the original two. However, the background is much different. It appears that we are looking at the remains of an old castle. But, its arrangement of gargoyle statues is incompatible with any known cartoon castles. The full moon high in the sky completes the imagery.

The third entity abruptly turns to look at the second.

“Discord? What is the meaning of this?”

The first entity looks between the other two, obviously confused.

Oh, it’s nothing important really. I just wanted to play a little game.

“I have little time to waste on Loki-equivalent fools,” comments the bipedal. “Explain yourself, abomination, or I shall make your death a slow and painful one.”

Oh my! We’re getting crazy with the villainous threats… three.

"I should've crumbled your statue into dust," mutters the pony.

Five.

"Wait," interrupts the man, "What?"

Oh, don't mind me. Please continue.

He clears his throat. "Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

One hundred and twenty-four.

A random record scratches as the mare demands, "Okay, stop! What the hay are you doing?"

Well, I've been hearing lines from heroes and villains alike so often that I've decided to keep a mental list of how many times I've heard specific phrases.

Some crickets chirp off screen.

Two hundred ninety-seven.

Wait, are you counting my lines too?

Anyway, the rules of this game are simple: Kill the other villain in this location and you win. Doesn’t that sound fun?

A/N: *Angry breathing noises*

Oops! Sorry, Nightmare and General. I must be going.

*snap* *Frr-zap*

A/N: *sigh* Happy place, director. Remember your happy place.

“All I have to do is kill the horse of Pestilence here?” Zod smirks while floating off the ground. “This won’t take long.”

“Don’t be so sure, ape,” Nightmare Moon retorts while flapping once to get some lift. “You may last a few minutes.”

“FIGHT!”

The Mare of the Moon aims her horn. A large stream of black and blue energy shoots forth. The blast of magic makes an impact with the suited general. He grunts aloud and grits his teeth. He then seems to vanish in a blur. His vanishing act doesn't last for long as the audience catches a glimpse of his fist just before it hits his enemy in the chest.

Nightmare Moon is sent flying for a few meters before colliding with a stone gargoyle. The statue crumbles to pieces. She shakes her head before her eyes glow white. Her smoky mane surrounds her before separating into three distinctly Pegasus shaped ponies. Dark zip lines signal their flight.

The Shadowbolts take a few flying passes against the Kryptonian. However, he looks more like he is angry as opposed to hurt. He throws his fist at the first Pegasus and a heel kick at the second. After a sharp intake, he exhales profusely at the third. The cold wind is strong and spreading over a large area. The poor, freezing pony falls to the ground, shattering to pieces.

Nightmare Bolt One and Nightmare Bolt Two shake off their pain and swirl into dark clouds. The ice cubes on the ground do the same thing. The three clouds climb higher in the sky before merging into one. Lightning streams around inside the cloud before a huge bolt strikes down.

General Zod expresses his pain in a gibberish sound effect. He quickly flies up and around the outskirts of the cloudy figure. With nary a warning, he clasps his hands together, lifts them above his head before arching them in a two-handed sword-swinging motion. The clasped fist makes contact with the clouds.

The alicorn lets out a yelp as she resumes her default form. She flaps in place as she regains her bearings. Meanwhile, a gargoyle starts rising from its seated position. Zod's open hand moves from pointing down to pointing in front of himself. The gargoyle is flung upward. Just as it's about to make contact, Nightmare Moon blasts another magical burst. Another gargoyle is now a pile of pebbles and dust.

Nightmare Moon's eyes glow white just as Zod's turn crimson red. A large stream of magic bursts forth to meet a concentrated beam of red heat. The sheer power being exerted from both combatants shakes the very atmosphere. Some of the taller parts of the surrounding castle crumble down into themselves.

The camera focuses on Nightmare who is growling in fury. We pan over to Zod who is... not there? Nightmare stops her magical attack and vocalizes her confusion. A certain general zooms in behind her with his arms open wide.

"Kneel!" he shouts. His hands come in for a clap... and squish Nightmare's head and helmet into a mess of blood and metal.

The rest of the alicorn's body falls to the ground. Zod continues to fly in place while laughing out loud.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

I was wondering when we’d finally see her get herself killed in an official capacity.

It was a complete massacre. Zod’s accomplishments may pale in comparison to Superman, but any Kryptonian powered up by the sun can easily overpower someone ill-trained for the hardships of war.

You might think that Zod’s lack of magical resistance would make him more vulnerable to Nightmare Moon’s greatest attacks… and they did. But while magic was able to inflict pain, it wasn’t enough to kill him.

Besides, Zod trumped Nightmare Moon in speed, strength, powers, and battle tactics. While Nightmare Moon would blow up anything around her just for the sake of hitting her enemy, Zod was able to stay ahead of the game with his superior sense of strategy.

Plus, the time it takes for the solar energy to drain from Zod is a pretty d**n long time. Hell, he’d have enough to end Nightmare at least five times over and some extra to spare. I guess I was wrong before. Nightmare Moon is the one that needs to keep her head on straight.

The winner is Zod.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"I will kill as many people as I can as long as you are one of them!"

*epic piano number*

As if fighting an anthropomorphic hedgehog wasn't enough...

But wait!

"I'm not a punk who can sit back and do nothing."

*Orchestral number*

It seems another man wishes to interrupt...

Wait, who is that?

"I'm starting an all-female Defenders. What do you say?"

With all of these epic contestants, who in Equestria could possibly take this 'three-strikes-you're-out' challenge?

"This is the role I am meant to play...!"

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Man, I was afraid that I was never going to finish this chapter.

Ultimate Princess Defense: Prince of the Saiyans, Substitute Shinigami, and Eye of Agamatto

Please make sure that formatting setting in the top right is set to "Dark" and not "Light". Thank you.

If I'm going to shoot myself in the foot anyway, I might as well use the biggest hypothetical bullet I can find.
...

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Funimation, Tite Kubo, and Marvel.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(23)

Princess Cadance sleeps peacefully on the grassy land. A scroll pops in out of nowhere and lands on her face. Her 'Z's are popped as she stands up. The scroll unravels in a blue, magical aura. Cadance's eyes scan the parchment. She lets out a gasp and flies off screen. In the meantime, Peach remains blissfully unaware due to her lovely daydream.

The screen quickly transitions to the Canterlot throne room. There, the other three alicorn princesses of Equestria wait. Cadance bursts in and gallops to the group. A question mark appears in a talk bubble. It is here that the camera pans to take a closer look at the scrapes that are around Celestia and Luna's bodies.

Celestia and Luna's talk bubbles consist of a green human head. This is followed by a symbol for magic and then what looks like Twilight Sparkle. The actual Twilight looks back and forth worriedly before taking a sigh. She lifts her head back up and nods with a determined look on her face.

"Then let us begin," says Celestia.

Today, we're doing something a little different.

We're going to send a pony against three of her toughest challenges yet.

To ensure that we won't have to use too many Senzu Beans or other preposterous methods of making Princess Twilight Sparkle 'all better', we're going to let her bring her entire Season 4 finale arsenal.

And to lower the chaotic factor and director's headache count, we'll be introducing these opponents one at a time as they show up.

Since she will be fighting by herself, the no outside help rule is still being followed. Those of you wishing to leave nothing but "so-and-so would have won if such-and-such" comments may wish to leave now.

Enough regulation updates, W. Let's get to the good stuff!

He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win this one-on-three Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Twilight Sparkle (supercharged)
-Species: alicorn
-Position: Princess of Friendship
-Strength: enough to leave craters simply by pushing on the ground
-Flight speed: Mach 5+
-Magic: Equivalent of four alicorns in one; implied that she has all of their unique abilities
-Spell variety: Shield, Teleport, Levitation, Hyper Magical Beams, Meteor Smash, and others
-Willingness to save her friends can cost her all magic

Once upon a time, Twilight Sparkle was a magical unicorn with her nose in her books and no friends. Now, she's ascended the normal status to an alicorn princess with the help of six friends. It's too bad she's still a book nerd.

There's nothing wrong with being a book nerd, B. I've seen you flipping through gun history books on your offtime.

Hey! BFGs are important!

When a great evil from the depths of Tartarus came to Equestria and started stealing magic from pony kind, the princesses decided that the best course of action was to rid themselves of their magic before Tirek could claim it for his own.

But since magic doesn't just go away, they had to put it all somewhere. Let's put it in the inexperienced princess who has yet to master her own alicorn abilities! That's a great idea! It's not like anyone actually pays attention to those giant stain-glass windows. Right?

All joking aside, it did seem to prevent him from absorbing any alicorn magic for a short time. It's a good thing too. All of that magic added to her own made her unstable and caused a few magic spasms. It made moving the sun and moon quite a comical sight.

She became faster, stronger, and teleported uncontrollably. Eventually, this caught the eye of Tirek and she kept overshooting her mark due to her effortless mach speeds.

But when her owl was endangered and the place she called home was utterly destroyed, it set her priorities straight. She was able to conjure shields that could deflect enormous energy beams, strength to withstand full mountain bodyslams, and the power to knock an all-powerful Tartarus entity down.

Remember when this show used to be for little girls? I'm sure they ate this two-parter right up.

However, even in this form, Twilight is not invincible. Magical opponents of equal or greater power levels can still levitate her without warning and can sap the magic right out of her.

And as a princess of friendship, she won't leave behind her friends if given the chance.

But as long as they're out of harm's way, watch out for her blinding magical force.

Ka... me... ha... me... HA!

"Ha! See? Perfectly controlled teleporta-"

Twilight ends up teleporting to Canterlot, a buffalo stampede, and between a rock and a hard place in rapid succession.

"Urrrrg."

---Death Battle---

"G**d**nit!" yells the second-best Saiyan, "Why is it that every opponent I face lately is either a robot or a lab rat? At this rate I might as well just stay in the earth woman's bed and not scream like a jack**s saying..."

"Somebody stop this crazy thing!" hollers a lavender blur that's leaving behind a pink, indigo, and white trail behind her.

"I was going to say, 'Come to me, Bulma,' but that works too." The Saiyan smirks as he flies up and chases the blur. He shouts, "Hey, you! You're not a lab experiment are you? I need a warm up before taking on some real opponents."

"Sorry, sir," apologizes the speeding pony, "but I'm kind of in a hurry. There's this green giant that I have to put a stop to and-"

But the man is hearing none of it as he conjures an energy bullet in his hand and launches it.

"Wah!" yelps the pony as she's surrounded by a purple light and vanishes. The bullet passes harmlessly through the air. Meanwhile, she reappears behind the saiyan.

"Now that I have your undivided attention," he says smugly, "show me if you can experience fear."

---Death Battle---

Vegeta
-Saiyan, son of King Vegeta of Planet Vegeta
-Currently residing as one of Earth's defenders
-Can reach Super Saiyan 1 & 2 without aid
-Ki manipulator: ki blasts, volleys, Gallick Gun, Big Bang Attack, Final Flash, Destructo Disk, and others
-Hypersonic speeds
-Can breathe underwater and in deep space
-Arrogant and denies that Kakarot is stronger than he is

Here he is, folks. The bad**s anti-hero and wielder of Super Saiyan swagger. The royal elite of Dragon Ball warriors. It's Vegeta!

Vegeta is of royal Saiyan blood and he's quite proud of it. He's constantly increasing his power over time and doesn't try to hide that fact.

In Death Battle history alone, he's taken down the Ultimate life form Shadow along with Silvermania, the biggest threat the internet has ever seen.

His triumphs over his enemies aren't without effort. Under constant training, he has mastered a variety of attacks that utilize his ki energy. Such attacks require a combination of physical capabilities and a strong will.

Most of his attacks take the form of giant laser beams and energy blasts. His more famous attacks are the Gallick Gun, an attack he specifically intended to destroy the Earth, and the golden planet-busting Final Flash, which takes forever to charge up. Though, he isn't above stealing attacks from other ki warriors like Krillin's Destructo Disk.

Other attacks in his arsenal include the rapid-fire bullet volley and large explosion called the Big Bang Attack. He doesn't wield any physical weapons. He doesn't need them.

He can move and fly at hypersonic speeds and he can breathe in extremely harsh atmospheric conditions like underwater and outer space. When he stops holding himself back, he breaks through the limits and becomes a Super Saiyan. Then, he'll go even beyond that to a second form. Power is in the exponential increases.

But even with all that strength and diversity of abilities, he is not without weakness. He constantly takes offense when he thinks Goku looks down upon him and his arrogance leads to underestimating some of his stronger opponents.

You know you're having a bad day when a mechanical b***h is breaking your arms.

"You... stupid wench. You only broke one of my- AHHHHH!"

Man, that is one heartless c**t.

A blue-eyed woman suddenly breaks into the commentators' section.

She sighs. "Yep."

B's yelps and screams can be heard in the background in addition to some collisions and whacks. Meanwhile, another man wearing an orange neckerchief lands next to W.

"Want to join their game?"

No, no, I'm good.

"Suit yourself."

*Ahem* In addition to his arrogance, Vegeta has no special resistance against magic and mental attacks. Plus, he has a tendency to let his brute force become his strategy.

The best kind of strategy. Ow! Hey! Stop! Augh!

"There's one thing a Saiyan always keeps... his pride!"

---Death Battle---

"FIGHT!"

Vegeta slaps his palms together. "Gallick Gun... fire!"

A purple laser beam shoots forth at a neck-breaking pace. Princess Twilight's eyes widen as she zooms down. Her path is barely traceable by the four-colored trail she leaves behind. It swivels left, around, and above the attacking beam and its source. Two hits can be heard as the trail pass through Vegeta's position.

"Heh, you're not as bad as I thought you'd be," comments Vegeta. His smile grows slightly. "Let's see if you can handle this."

The Saiyan starts growling as energy begins to radiate around his body. He starts yelling out a single syllable as the gathering energy becomes a yellow color. Soon, his hair follows suit while his eyes take on a blazing, blue hue.

"Suck on these, ja pony!" He alternates shaking his open palms in front of himself. With each jab, a blue energy pellet rockets through the air.

Twilight takes careful observation of the blasts coming her way. With a cautious look on her face, she teleports through space and flutters around the volley. Unfortunately for Vegeta, he still has this tendency to aim where his opponent is and not where she's going. Before he knows it, she's right above his head.

His instinctual reaction works out, though, as he delivers a punch into her lower jaw. She backflips through the air before regaining her flight balance.

"Ha! I think see some blood," brags Vegeta, "You might as well give up now."

Twilight blinks twice. "Okay." Her quick departure leaves behind the multi-hued trail.

Vegeta snaps his neck before chasing after her. "D**n it! I was kidding!"

As he flies along, he holds out an open palm above his head. He growls as sparks surge around his hand. Within a couple seconds, some bright energy forms above his hand in the form of a spinning saw blade. He exclaims as he waves his arm forward. The saw blade of energy flies ahead of him.

Twilight takes a quick, worried look behind her. Just as the destructive disk is about to make contact with her, her own teleport spell surrounds her. She vanishes.

Aw, crap. Vegeta stops midair. I forgot that the bald one's attacks are s**t.

The princess appears right above him, with the colorful trail still following her flight pattern. There is a loud collision as Vegeta is sent hurtling into the solid ground below. Rocks and dust are displaced as he quickly stands back up.

"That does it!" he calls out as he blurs through the air between himself and the pony in seconds.

He delivers an audible kick against her before flying above. He then delivers a double-fisted smackdown sending her for a flipping backspin. He then holds his palm down and open, except for a thumb. A whitish orb forms out in front of the extended arm.

"Big Bang Attack!"

The orb launches forth, growing slightly larger in radius. At this time, Twilight opens her eyes and straightens herself out. She shakes her head briefly before conjuring a bluish-white shield that surrounds her entirely. The Big Bang Attack makes contact with her shield. It pushes both the shield and her closer and closer to the ground.

Eventually, the offensive orb runs out of patience and expands. It explodes into smoke and displaces a large chunk of the land along with it. Vegeta observes the destruction and chuckles... at least until a reddish light flashes behind him.

He turns around just in time to witness the large magical sphere swirling with colors. Twilight clenches her teeth as she releases the magic against her foe. He lets out a yell as he gets forced to reintroduce himself to the ground.

...

Vegeta can be seen at the bottom of a newly formed crater. His arms and legs are spread out and he grumbles in anger. The grumbling is quickly replaced with a high-pitched squeal as a pony suddenly stands on top of all four of his limbs at once. Our background sound effects guy goes nuts with the "bone-breaking" audio clip.

"Look, mister," Twilight tries talking again, "When I said I was in a hurry, I meant it. Maybe when I'm done protecting my home from the threat that I was warned about, we can resume whatever this is later. But right now, I'll have to call a raincheck."

She takes flight, somehow forcing Vegeta to be lodged even deeper into the ground. His blondeness turns off at this time. He continues to hang his mouth open and spout syllables of pain.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Ho boy. The Dragon Ball fans will have a hissy fit now.

Vegeta is loud and proud, but giving his opponent time to think turned out to be a huge drawback to fighting against Twilight Sparkle. Plus, his lack of special resistance to magic made him vulnerable to the princess's stronger moves.

Not to mention, Vegeta's overconfidence tends to skyrocket when fighting females, leaving him open to more mistakes. Let's face it, his greatest victory against the opposite gender was getting Bulma pregnant and even that was bittersweet. On the plus side, he's once again laid.

This round goes to Princess Twilight Sparkle.

---Death Battle---

The pink, purple, indigo, and white trail flashes against the open sky. It's pretty to look at for anyone that isn't swept away by its g-force. But the source of the trail has other thoughts on her mind.

Sweet Celestia. That guy was so eager to fight that he completely twisted me around. Now I don't know where to start looking for the threat.

"You seem to be in a rush," comments a new voice.

Twilight's eyes open wide. She flaps her wings rapidly in the reverse direction. The sound effects guy finds the "car brakes screeching" audio clip as Twilight slows down and halts herself. She gives the source of the new voice a slow look.

What stands out is the man's orange hair and spruced up black outfit. The fact that he's standing on thin air is of secondary concern.

"Sorry to get in the way," the man says while scratching his neck, "but... you're kind of disturbing my friends nearby what with all that reiatsu you're giving off." He holds out a curved, black blade. "I can't just let you waltz on by without teaching you some manners."

Twilight frowns. "Oh, not this again."

---Death Battle---

Ichigo Kurosaki
-Official title: Substitute Soul Reaper
-Given name literally translates to "strawberry", though it can also mean "one-five" loosely meaning "fifteen"
-Weapon of choice: Zangetsu, a Zanpakuto that resembles two blades; a khyber knife and a trench knife
-Shinigami powers: Swordplay, Shunpo (flash step), immense spiritual power and endurance, enhanced strength and durability; Getsuga Tensho (Moon-Fang Heaven-Piercer); Bankai: Tensa Zangetsu
-Quincy ability: Blut Vene (Stilled Blood Guise) that grants survival against critical attacks or stops severe blood loss inflicted by said critical attacks
-Null and void abilities: Hollow; Fullbring
-Has difficulty controlling his reiatsu; sometimes acts without thinking

At first, Ichigo Kurosaki was a normal teenager living in Karakura Town living with his two younger sisters and...

Someone receives a kick to the face.

"You let your guard down! Always stay alert when you enter a room when you're late for dinner."

... his father.

And he could see dead people. Oooooooo.

Spirits of the departed.

That's my favorite booze!

But the normalcy wasn't meant to last. After a bit of convincing, endangerment of friends and family, and a little help from a...

"Robber!"

*Ahem* ... Rukia Kuchiki, he became the second Substitute Shinigami, or Soul Reaper.

Since then, his life and others have been constantly thrown in the way of dangers of monsters called Hollows.

"These monsters attack the living and dead to devour their souls. Any questions before I go on?"

Um... what's with the crappy bunny drawings?

Anyway, he's made friends and enemies of several varieties. All the while, his strength and abilities have been constantly fluctuating.

Whether too weak or too strong for his opponents, he's kept a few trademark qualities. Not least of which is his weapon of his inner spirit, Zangetsu.

Every Soul Reaper is granted a unique Zanpakuto, soul-slaying blade after reaching a certain point in their training. Every one of these weapons holds unique powers that can be released upon their wielder's command. Zangetsu in particular used to take the form of a large butcher knife. But after years passed, Ichigo was able to access its true power and form. Two blades make the whole of this weapon: a large khyber knife and the smaller yet arguably more deadly trench knife.

While this is technically a dual-wield weapon, he usually prefers to fight with just the big guy. When he concentrates his re-at-su... spiritual pressure, his sword can release the iconic Getsuga Tensho. This powerful wave is said to be able to cut through Heaven itself at full power.

But Ichigo cannot use this technique indefinitely and usually relies on quick, physical combat for the majority of any given fight. His abilities as a Shinigami complement this style of fighting well. His strength, speed, endurance, durability, and swordplay have all been raised to new peaks thanks to his training with Urahara Kisuke and the spirit of Zangetsu itself.

He can also further increase his speed with Shunpo or the "flash step", which is kind of like teleporting for modern, anime-based samurai. What is it with anime characters and instant transmission moves?

When its shikai form isn't enough, Ichigo releases his pressure and the phrase "Bankai" to tap into Zangetsu's final form, Tensa Zangetsu. Despite its humble resemblance to a normal Zanpakuto, the blade is actually much more durable, stronger, and easier to swing. Not to mention, using the Getsuga Tensho in this form creates a much stronger wave of spiritual pressure than its shikai form.

You don't need to look grandiose to kill your enemies. But there's one other secret we've yet to reveal about Kurosaki.

As it turns out, Ichigo carries within him the blood of a Quincy on his departed mother's side. With this added to his genetic code, he holds another form of defense in addition to his Shinigami endurance. The Blut Vene as it's called gives him the ability to survive critical attacks that would otherwise kill him and helps to stop severe blood loss from wounds created by said critical attacks.

Oh. I was thinking more along the lines of being able to turn into a partial Hollow called a Vizard and that Fullbring training.

Well, spoiler alert: Ichigo actually loses those abilities thanks to an aggressive Kugo Ginjo, the first Substitute Shinigami.

Proving that first really is the worst.

Whenever getting into a fight for lives, Ichigo shoves back his irritation for a more serious attitude, honing his fighting instinct and using one hundred percent of his strength.

That could lead to some problems. Unlike a lot of other Bleach characters, Ichigo can't seem to control the surge of energy he uses. When this happens, he could very well destroy his home, friends, and even himself in the process.

Still, Ichigo is willing to fight to protect the people and souls that he cares about. He does not let hatred rule his swinging arm. Rather he stares at his enemies determinedly, trying to understand them, giving them the fight that they desire and/or deserve.

Not bad for a "strawberry".

"'Stands a chance?' It's not like I exactly stood a chance against any of my other enemies, either. I just defeated them because I had to."

---Death Battle---

"FIGHT!"

Kurosaki launches off from his patch of air like a 100-meter dasher at the Olympics. Though his resulting motion looks more like a glide than a run. He raises his weapon while letting out a roar. Within a couple feet of his foe, he starts swinging it this way and that way.

Twilight barely manages to fly around his broad strokes. Up, right, left, and down she shifts. The last swing manages to nick a feather. Flinching with a grunt, she teleports around behind him and tries a hind-leg kick. At the last second, the dull side of Zangetsu blocks the attack. Discouraged, Twilight flies back a bit waiting for the next move.

She needs only wait two seconds as Ichigo raises his Zanpakuto. Some bluish white reiatsu starts waving around along the blade's edge.

"Getsuga... Tensho!"

The blade swings and releases a huge arc of bluish white energy. Quickly, Sparkle conjures a white, translucent shield to surround herself. As the 'heaven slicer' makes contact, we can hear her straining grunts against the attack. The shield begins to show a small crack just as reddish light surrounds her.

Ichigo's attack continues to fly through the sky as Twilight reappears closer to the visible scene. She gives her opponent a determined look as magical sparks of various colors race around her horn. A large beam of four colors roll through the air and collide with Ichigo's blade. He clenches his teeth against the force... before he swings his sword upward, sending the magical attack through the atmosphere.

"If you're going to get more serious, then I will too," comments the Shinigami while grabbing his sword arm with his other arm. "Bankai!"

Raging flames of spiritual pressure race around Ichigo. Twilight squints her eyes as she looks at the scene in front of her. After about two seconds, she opens them with a look of confusion. The outfit of the man has altered drastically. Additionally, his blade looks a bit less like a butcher knife, and more like a black katana. But as quickly as Twilight can take all of this in, the man vanishes.

Ichigo reappears briefly in front before vanishing again. He starts moving around the air all around Twilight. This movement is so quick that there appear to be at least ten Ichigos running around the sky at once. But it appears that Twilight's eyes are a bit faster than the audience's.

Each of the images of Ichigo swings his blade at Twilight with blinding speed. However, each of these swings are blocked with a light magenta shield, carefully placed at each of the attack points. Twilight's horn burns with the other princesses' magic while her own spell works in overtime.

Eventually, the Substitute Shinigami jumps back from his quick assault and focuses himself. This time, blackish-red reiatsu travels along Zangetsu's blade. Meanwhile, Twilight's conjuring magical energy of her own at the tip of her horn. The combatants take a flying leap at each other before releasing their respective blasts.

"Getsuga Tensho!"

Sparks of red and white energy dance, clash, and mix in the air. As quickly as this number starts, it stops. Kurosaki and Sparkle float in the air with their backs turned to each other.

A drop of blood drips from Ichigo to the ground. He starts bending down. Before he goes any further, he drives his Zanpakuto into a pocket of the air's spiritual pressure to hold himself up. Meanwhile, a much larger gush of blood runs out of Twilight Sparkle's side as she falls the full distance to the earth below.

Ichigo stands up and swings his blade to the side, shaking off the small layer of blood in the process.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Never bring hooves to a sword fight! ... wait... Let me try that again.

Ichigo can have pride at times, but it does not overcome him in a fight which he considers honorable. Additionally, his combined Shinigami and Quincy blood kept the critical damage dealt to him to a minimum.

The pumped up princess gave a good effort, though, using her strategy to match Ichigo's speed. She was even able to copy Ichigo's trademark technique after just one analysis.

But when using the shikai Getsuga Tensho against its bankai counterpart, it didn't measure up.

And you all said Twilight was OP.

The winner of this round is Ichigo Kurosaki.

---Death Battle---

*drip*

Huh? Twilight's eyelids twitch. Water? I'm still alive?

The sight of a little girl with her mouth open blurs into her view. Following that is a what appears to be a splash of the liquid contents of her mouth. The implications hit Twilight's mind in an instant and she lets out a scream unbefitting to royalty. She quickly scrambles away from the sight in front of her.

"What are you doing?!" she exclaims.

"I'm drooling on you," says the little girl while smiling widely.

"Yes, I can see that!" yells Twilight. "What I meant was why? That's completely unsanitary!"

Ichigo pats the little girl's skull for a cap. "There's an interesting thing about Nel's saliva. It heals up all kinds of wounds."

"That's right, Itsygo!" affirms Nel.

Oh, ten showers won't be enough to feel clean, Twilight shivers. She suddenly looks back. "Wait, why did you take the time to heal me?"

"You're fighting for more than just yourself, aren't you?" inquires Ichigo. "I could see it in your eyes during that last attack."

Twilight gasps. She then looks down briefly. She nods.

"There's someone that you need to protect too," Ichigo observes.

"My friends are counting on me," Twilight confirms.

"Then don't let me hold up any more of your time," he insists, "It sounds like something you need to do."

"Yeah, go save your friends, Ms. Bad Pony!" exclaims Nel.

An exclamation point and question mark briefly flash above Twilight's head. "Bad pony?"

Ichigo waves a hand back and forth in front of his face. "Don't mind her. She thinks everyone that fights one of her friends is one of the bad guys."

"Um, okay," Twilight responds while opening her wings. "Bye!" She launches into the sky, causing a large shockwave through the air.

Good luck, thinks Ichigo as he picks up Nel and starts the long trek home.

Twilight lands in a grassy area, while sliding up a lot of dirt in the process. She quickly scans her surroundings.

"Celestia and Luna said that the green menace was around here. But where is it?" she wonders.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that anymore," answers a new voice, "I already handled him."

Twilight jerks her head to find the source of the voice. "What? Who are you?"

It appears to be an extravagantly caped man levitating ever so slightly while surrounded by a golden glow.

"I am a master of the mystic arts," he replies. "Care for a demonstration?"

---Death Battle---

Doctor Strange
-Name: Stephen Vincent Strange
-Affiliations: New Avengers, Illuminati, Defenders, The Order, Midnight Sons
-Master of magic including extended longevity and flight
-Genius-level intellect
-Skilled neurosurgeon and martial artist
-Wears the Cloak of Levitation, negates evil magic with the Eye of Agamatto, and knows white magic using the Book of the Vishanti
-Slashes enemies with Mystic Sword, counters projectiles with Seven Rings of Raggador, and ensnares his opponents in a magical explosion with Astral Magic
-Sometimes has trouble keeping his ego in check

Stephen Strange was once a brilliant doctor at New York Hospital. However, his giant ego and materialistic nature would soon get the better of him. The same car accident that killed his brother Victor ended up taking away the doctor's hands, shattering the bones within. Unable to find the necessary fix to his surgical hands, he soon exhausted all of his options and resorted to "back alley" practices to make any amount of cash.

Then, the Ancient One felt sorry for Strange's selfish *ss and agreed to train him in the mystic arts, after Strange saved him from Mordo's murder attempt.

For a while, Strange served as a mystic consultant and fought off demonic entities like the Possessors and the Bottle Imp. He secretly fought against Nightmare and Baron Mordo. He has also fought for and against Loki and even alongside the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man on multiple occasions. He has even come so far as a special consultant to the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, and the Avengers.

But most importantly is that he got hitched to Clea.

Under the alias of Doctor Strange, Stephen plays the role of Sorcerer Supreme of Earth. With this responsibility comes his mastery of the mystic arts. He usually calls upon the powers of the Vishanti: Agamatto, Hoggoth, and Oshtur. Other powers stem from the Octessence.

Like any good magician superhero, he can shoot mystic bolts, levitate objects, and teleport. He can also bend time and banish foes to alternate dimensions, but these two abilities take all of his concentration to do so, which makes them pretty much useless unless his enemy is busy twiddling their thumbs.

Other powers include partial intangibility, a mystic sword, and extended longevity. He can negate evil magic with the Eye of Agamatto, conjure bursts of white magic with the Book of the Vishanti, and deflect projectiles with a protective shield called the Seven Rings of Raggador. Though, physical and melee attacks can pass right through it.

When he wants to wrap things up, his Astral Magic is perfect for causing a huge explosion of yellow magic energy.

While Doctor Strange may have an exaggerated ego at times, he does have the genius-level intellect and years of martial arts to back it up. But he must be careful when using black magic, or else he'll lose his sense of self.

I mean, if I had to take a tentacle-shaped monster named Shuma Gorath and stuff him inside of me every time I had to use that power, I'd try to avoid using black magic too.

But even without using black magic, entities as strong as Galactus need to stay on their toes when fighting the Sorcerer Supreme.

"I've heard the Dr. Strangelove jokes. I'm not amused."

---Death Battle---

"FIGHT!"

The caped sorcerer swings his hands in front of himself. To the winged mage's surprise, three floating orbs appear and surround her. Strange then proceeds to launch a green fireball directly into one of the floating lights. The three lights seem to play a weird game of pinball with the fire until it hits the last one. A large laser shoot out, targeting Sparkle.

Twilight yelps right before conjuring a bright, white shield around herself. The laser's energy dances around the outside before the little floating orbs dissolve completely. Twilight takes this moment to conjure some magical spheres of her own. With a jolt from her horn, these balls of energy soar ahead.

Doctor Strange disappears as the pony's attack blows up that patch of ground. He reappears right in front of his opponent as an aura of yellow surrounds his hand.

"Mystic Sword!" he declares while waving that hand. The sound effects guy has trouble keeping the sword-swinging clip in time with the flashes of light that resemble a sword rapidly swatting through the air.

The princess grunts and flinches before vanishing in her familiar teleporting light. She reappears behind Strange and starts shaking her head about. A white mass of magic follows her deliberate motion. Strange blocks this onslaught by shaking his cape this way and that. But, he appears to be being pushed back. After a few feet of floating backward, he holds up his open palm.

"Eye of Agamatto!" A giant, yellow orb floats above his head. Though, Twilight continues her attack and doesn't seem to be affected at all. Strange is pushed back once more.

So, her magic doesn't stem from evil, huh? he thinks, while pulling out a book from who knows where.

"Spell of Vishanti!"

Preparing for the worst, Twilight puts up her shield early. Her decision is soon revealed to be wise. A pillar of yellow magic streams up from the very ground, blocking out the audience's view of her. The pillar wanes before she drops her shield.

Immediately, she conjures forth multiple colors of magic into a single point. In the next instant, a giant beam comprised of those same colors races forth. Doctor Strange's reaction is immediate.

"Seven Rings of Raggador!" He twirls around as rings of blue light give way to a shield of his own. The offensive beam appears to be sucked into the shield itself. In almost the exact instant, a new beam composed solely of light blue shoots out from the shield in the opposite direction.

However, the Sorcerer Supreme fails to hit anything. The target is already on the move. She teleports to a new angle and fires a second beam. She teleports again, firing another beam from behind Strange. Once more she disappears in her magenta light.

Each of these attacks are absorbed and countered to blast a patch of the battlefield. But then, Twilight does the craziest thing by teleporting right next to Strange... and proceeds to buck him in the shins.

The shield disperses as the caped man recoils. He conjures two more floating orbs and launches a green fireball at them, giving it more speed and power. But Twilight conjures a similar orb of her own. When the fireball makes contact, a laser is launched in Strange's direction. He quickly blinks out of existence and back into existence above her.

Strange tries swinging his Mystic Sword again, but a certain golden aura surrounds Twilight's horn. Each of the swings of the doctor's magic sounds like it is being countered by a sword of similar material, even though nothing physically shows up on screen.

He backs up a few paces before conjuring a yellow, circular seal on the ground beneath him.

"Astral Magic!"

A phantom that resembles the Sorcerer Supreme floats out and around Twilight, hauling a red magical chain. The phantom quickly returns to Strange.

"Daggers of Denak!"

Several small spinning disks of yellow light float around the chained pony. Meanwhile, Strange makes a few motions with his hands.

"By the holy hosts of Hoggoth!" He turns on his heel as the Daggers of Denak sweep in for the kill. At the same time, another Vishanti spell pillar bursts from the ground. It's as good as over.

So imagine his surprise when a burst of magenta light reveals the princess in front of him. Further still, yellow disks appear overhead and rush against him. Following that, Twilight aims her horn at the ground moments before a huge pillar of golden energy bursts from the ground in front of her.

...

She continues staring with determination as Strange teleports off to the side.

"Interesting," Earth's sorcerer comments, "You appear to be able to copy spells after seeing them for the first time." He chuckles. "With a few years of proper training, you might even become half as good as I am in the mystic arts."

"Do you have a point?" inquires Twilight.

Strange turns himself as he floats there. "Well, you seem to have the defense of this world covered. I bid thee adieu. Teleport!"

With that, the sorcerer vanishes, leaving behind a confuzzled pony.

"~Are ee ess pea ee cee tee!~"

---Death Battle---

Was that an action-packed fight or was that a magic-packed fight? Ha ha!

Doctor Strange had a leg up in full-time experience, but his ego led to oversights of some key details. His shield could withstand any and all of Twilight's magical attacks. However, she can think on the fly and was able to chance a risk with her improved physical might. Additionally, she could copy Stephen's spells and use them to the same effectiveness that she saw them.

He doesn't like resorting to his endgame art of banishment since he likes toying with his enemies. Besides, Twilight would probably take any opening she could to dish out some magical punishment.

While these attacks would be distracting and painful, Strange's longevity would keep the battle going on for a while. His concentration would be focused on the battle, leaving nothing for the time and dimension ripping. As such, it would be a long competition of stamina. Both combatants had plenty to spare.

For now, it looks like the Marvel and Equestrian universe will be happy to just leave each other alone.

This final round is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Supercharged Twilight may be on par with the men of the fighting multi-verse...

"I'm so sorry it had to end this way."

... but what about after she returns to her defaults?

"My enemies always fall before me!"

What will happen when the clash for "Best Princess" isn't just between the four alicorn ponies?

"I believe I have the power to spread the magic of friendship across Equestria."

Coming Whenever

Author's Note

Oh my gosh. :ajsleepy:
Why did I do that?

Princess vs. Princess: Fire and Lightning

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

Well, it won't be as glamorous as the last chapter, but I'm pretty sure somebody wanted these two fights somewhere.
...

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nickelodeon, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(24)

Fire in the hold!

Modern media has taken great efforts to ensure that the position of princess does not always equate to damsel in distress waiting to marry a stranger who happens to be a prince.

Heck, if you even tried to save these princesses in that way, you'd get your *ss set on fire... or electrocuted... or magically blown to cinders. Honestly, I'm not sure which would feel worse.

Princess Twilight Sparkle may be downgraded now, but her fighting isn't over yet. She must defend her title against two fellow princesses, each with pyrokinetic mastery.

Blaze the Cat from a parallel Sonic universe.

And Azula, daughter of Fire Lord Ozai.

Thanks for the ideas, 19th Oak Tree that happens to be white and 58th Model of Iron-Man!

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win this one-against-two Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Princess Twilight Sparkle
-Official title: Princess of Friendship
-Species: Alicorn
-Flight and magic
-Well-read and developed in study methods and subject expertise
-Teleportation, Conjuration, Levitation, Illumination, Wind and Water Manipulation, Analyzation, Memorization, Spell Replication, Alliteration, Ramification, Yes-I-am-having-too-much-fun-with-words-that-rhyme-with-nation
-Can get caught up in her own thoughts of worst-case scenarios and possibilities
-Easily ticked off when order is removed from the equation

Now that we've turned off her DBZ powers, what does this pony have left?

Actually, she seems to hold quite a bit of power on her own. Even without the other princesses backing her up, her beams of magic are enough to inflict pain onto larger beasts. Plus, she can levitate several objects in her magical field all at once.

Yeah, she probably has enough to lift every body part of my ex-wife.

Within her versatile spell list, the spirit of the Element of Magic can teleport great distances with several other ponies at once, conjure objects from other locations, bring light into dark areas, control elements such as wind and water, create shields that can deflect the master of chaos's touch, and even use a semi-intangibility spell.

She's also come a long way from crashing face first into the dirt after her first practice flight.

In lieu of physical stamina, Twilight's mind is one of the strongest muscles she has. She can analyze situations thoroughly, memorize book information almost instantly, and replicate the effects of spells of other practitioners that she has previously observed.

While versatility and intelligence are nice, she kind of has trouble making her trains of thought stop. These adorkable moments tend to make her stress out over the most inconsequential details. Plus, she loses her temper at things that can't be explained by one of her books on the magical order of Equestria.

Of course, destiny never asks for perfection. It only asks that one is willing to do what she needs to do.

In this pony princess's case, her life calls for her to talk like Tara Strong and sing like Rebecca Shoichet.

"~Let the rainbow remind you
That together we will always shine~"

---Death Battle---

Blaze
-Princess from the Sol Dimension
-Species: anthro cat
-Speed, pyrokinesis, and hand-to-hand combat
-Extreme reflexes, enhanced jumping and acrobatic skills, and can sense Sol emeralds and dimensional disturbances
-Axel jump, Axel tornado, Burst dash, Burst hover, Fire Boost, Fire claw
-Pretty well-balanced in comparison to other Sonic characters
-Has a fear of heights

In a dimension parallel to Mobius, Blaze serves as Princess and guardian of the Sol Emeralds. She considered herself "cursed" being born with the power of the flames. Because of her role, she isolated herself from companionship and pushed others aside.

Why would pyrokinesis be a bad thing? I would think it makes you feel hotter.

Please stop hitting on the furries.

I make no such promises!

One fateful day, the dimensions went in flux and allowed Sonic the Hedgehog and his friends to go through a tear in the space-time-continuum. Then, the Sol Dimension's version of Dr. Eggman, Eggman Nega stole the Sol Emeralds. This inadvertently sent Blaze to Sonic's dimension. After a quick battle and apology thereafter, Blaze joined Sonic's rush and eventually learned the value of friendship.

This fiery kitty has a well-rounded understanding of hand-to-hand combat. By combining swift punches and kicks with a few bursts of fire, she can hold her own against anybody she fights. She can spin herself in the Axel Tornado, increase her speed with Burst Dash, imitate jet boots with Burst Hover, and slice up flammable enemies with the Fire Claw.

Blaze has extremely fast reflexes, can perform several acrobatics in the air, and can jump to superhuman heights. She can also vaguely sense the presence of nearby Sol Emeralds and detect disturbances in the dimensions' stability.

It's too bad that detection doesn't always work when fighting faster or stronger opponents.

Similar to Sonic's connection to the Chaos Emeralds, Blaze's powers increase immensely when combined with all seven Sol Emeralds. Burning Blaze can utilize fire into concentrated blasts and can fly for extended periods of time.

And just like Super Sonic, the DBZ rip-off powers end after a full minute without enough power rings.

You know, not everything is a Dragon Ball rip-off. Anyway, Blaze has a slight case of acrophobia and she is easily irritated if someone so much as looks at the Sol Emeralds the wrong way.

...or if somebody calls her "Highness". Does that have to do with her fear of heights?

I doubt that's related.

Well, long story short, don't pet this kitty.

"Fear the power of the flames!"

---Death Battle---

Ah, what a lovely day. Without the men eager to fight anywhere around, Twilight Sparkle had safely returned the princesses' magic back to their proper owners. Perhaps now, she can catch up on her latest reading material. But just as she finds a comfortable reading spot, something quite typical on Death Battle happens: a misunderstanding that leads to a fight.

As Twilight is about to turn a page, a flame burst flies down out of nowhere and completely incinerates the book. Reasonably, she lets out a yelp and jumps back away from the fire. She stares up at the figure standing in the center. As the fire dies down, another purple figure looks around before her cat eyes lock onto Twilight's.

Twilight clenches her teeth in determination. Anything that tramples a defenseless book will face retribution.

"FIGHT!"

The princess... (Wait a minute. They're both princesses. That's going to get confusing.) The alicorn lights up her horn vibrantly as a similar aura surrounds the anthro cat. Blaze yelps as she's suddenly lifted off her feet and flung into the air. But the surprise is not long-lasting. Within an instant, Blaze performs a flip to right herself and slows her descent with a stream of fire blowing down underneath her shoes.

Twilight Sparkle fires off a few magical blasts into the air. By conjuring flames left and right, Blaze manages to propel herself out of the way of the incoming attacks. She voluntarily stops her jet boots to quicken her fall behind the pony. Soon after, a small tornado of flames surrounds Blaze as she spins on a single foot. Adding injury to injury, Twilight takes the impact of both fire and kicks.

After falling on her side, Twilight quickly gets stands back up. Though, she winces against her newly acquired burn. Blaze runs over and delivers a few of her well-trained punches and kicks. However, she finds her attacks are getting brushed off by a magenta barrier surrounding her opponent.

Undeterred, Blaze rushes in with another fiery tornado. But Twilight switches her magic into a slightly different cast. The sound effects guy plays with the "rushing wind" clip while an invisible current rushes through the battlefield. The tornado's spin slows down and the fire actually falls back as Blaze's spinning is halted. Blaze attempts to conjure another fire in front of her, but the exposure to extra oxygen causes it to blow up in her face sending her back a few feet.

The wind calms down to a gentle breeze while Twilight keeps up a determined stare.

"Why?" she asks, "Why are you doing this?"

"There was a dimensional disturbance right in this area," answers Blaze, matter-of-factly.

Seven rectangular prisms in the colors red, yellow, silver, violet, blue, green, and cyan start floating around. Blaze raises an open palm toward the circling Sol Emeralds. Her fur starts flashing between her natural purple and a glowing red.

"Are you not the cause?" Blaze inquires accusingly.

"What? No!" outbursts Twilight, "That strange mystic left yesterday."

"Wait, what?" The emeralds rain around Blaze's feet as the flashing fur stops.

"He already agreed not to disturb the dimensional rift between his world and ours," explains Twilight. The screen briefly blacks out for the purpose of skipping a long chain of exposition.

Several minutes later...

"Oh... I'm sorry about your book." Blaze looks away in shame.

Twilight lets out a sigh before looking back up. "Just don't mention it again and be more careful around precious information."

"Might we be able to... start over?" asks Blaze while extending a hand.

Princess Sparkle smiles gently and nods.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

---Death Battle---

I suppose even a fire cat can be declawed if given the chance.

While both Princess Blaze and Princess Twilight are prone to acting upon misunderstandings, they are also both quick when it comes to realizing their own mistakes. Thus, it's not beyond possibility that they would exchange a few warning shots before realizing the lack of any desire to actually fight.

Blaze knows kung fu but Twilight knows magical hacks. Blaze can control fire, but Twilight can control air (a component necessary to keep a fire going).

In other words, both combatants had counters upon counters that they could implement into a battle to the death. Even if we had allowed Blaze to utilize the Sol Emeralds, getting attacked would mean running out of power sooner and Twilight could've avoided the worst of it via teleporting. It could go on for mind-numbing hours.

I just remembered that I'm watching a kids' show.

This battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Just when the friendship begins, a dark and blue flame collides with Blaze from offscreen. She manages a shout of shock and pain, but nothing else. She lies on the ground, struggling to keep her eyes open against the pain.

Twilight looks distraught and chances a look in the direction from where the blue blast had come. A tall, thin woman in garbs a black and red outfit runs forth. She appears to be guiding lightning in her very fingertips. As she points in front of herself, she lets out an insane laugh.

---Death Battle---

Azula
-Princess of the Fire Nation, daughter of Ozai and Ursa
-Species: human (... I think)
-Firebender; blue flames burn hotter than most benders' red flames, despite her cold heart
-Can also bend lightning, the "cold-blooded fire"
-Sadist, manipulator, power-hungry strategist
-Mentally unstable
-Paranoid of betrayal

Azula was the Fire Nation's princess and favored child of Fire Lord Ozai. However, she still felt underappreciated, feeling that her mother Ursa loved Zuko more than her.

Spoiled rotten b****!

She grew up very sadistic, manipulative, and power hungry. She would even set fire to things that did not fit her liking. The fact that she was proficient in firebending, strategy, and combat did nothing to settle her mental health.

Some time later, she started chasing the Avatar alongside her childhood friends Mai the moody and Ty Lee the chi blocking circus performer. D**n, she knows how to pick 'em.

Her training in firebending became so advanced that her fires actually turned blue. Hotter than red flames, blue fire can reach temperatures over 1600 degree Centigrade or 2300+ degrees Fahrenheit. Additionally, she has trained in separation of positive and negative chi, the necessary step to bend lightning.

A hot woman with an electrifying personality! What will they think of next?

Remember when I said her mental health wasn't settled? Azula actually harbored a very deep well of mental instability. She was raised to be no less than perfect in her father's eyes and the betrayal of her best friends pushed her over an edge.

So to prevent any other betrayals, she pretty much fired all of her servants. Preemptive unemployment at its finest, folks!

After a humiliating loss against the team of Zuko and Katara, she was placed under mental rehabilitation.

...which didn't do her much good. She was planning her next betrayal almost immediately after she was released. Basically, you'd better hope she never points her attacks at you.

"Trust is for fools! Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me."

"No, I love you, Azula. I do."

"Rrrrrgh!"

The mirror shatters.

---Death Battle---

"No!" Twilight hollers as she runs in front of the injured cat. A magenta shield surrounds them both. The incoming lightning bolt hits the shield and dances around before being grounded. She stares both in fear and in anger at the intruder. Azula stops her laughing and tightens her lips.

Preemptively, Twilight teleports Blaze somewhere a safe distance from the battlefield. She then returns to face this newest attacker. Something about their gaze tells Twilight that this is no misunderstanding. The woman is deliberately trying to destroy.

"FIGHT!"

Azula lifts her hand and a stream of blue flames shoots upward. She follows up with a running karate chop. The fire stream itself acts an extension of her motion. As the flames make contact with the grass, the fire changes from blue to red no longer in contact with Azula's will. But before they can reach her opponent's position, the pony princess vanishes.

Rather than acting in confusion like a normal fighter would, the Fire Nation's princess spins around and starts punching to create flames all along the grass behind her. As the alicorn reappears, she yelps at the high temperature she stands in. Immediately, her magenta magic takes her away again.

She appears standing next to a river. She is trying to catch her breath. Once she succeeds, she concentrates her magic on what lies behind her. The water streams into three separate orbs, defying gravity's pull in favor of the alicorn's. In the instant of a thought, the orbs are sent forth.

The other princess smiles smugly. She thrusts her right index finger one way, then points her left hand above her, and then delivers a kick to the left. Blue flames shoot out of all three movements. These flames make contact with the incoming watery projectiles. Hissing noises are heard as all of the water turns into steam.

Azula holds her fingers in a pinching position and follows an imaginary arc motion in front of herself. Bluish sparks seem to dance along this arc. Meanwhile, Twilight focuses the magic in her horn again. The next instant showcases Azula shooting lightning at her opponent while Twilight responds with a beam of pure magic. Electricity meets energy at the halfway point, resulting in a boom.

The explosion creates a shockwave in the air. Twilight has to hold up a wing to protect her eyes from the rush of smoke and dust. Meanwhile, the fiery lady uses this moment to rush to her enemy's position. With moments to spare, Twilight barely conjures a shield in time to block the barrage of close-quarters attacks fueled by blue fire.

The alicorn notices a pause in the onslaught and tries throwing a couple more orbs of water. Azula simply turns these into more steam.

"So you're a peasant too!" shouts the Fire Nation's princess. "Then, burn like trash that you are!"

Azula slides under for an uppercutting flame. The screen briefly cuts to black.

...

Solid green eyes with purplish smoke at their corners gaze at the camera.

The river suddenly explodes into a large structure of ice. It is transparent enough that we can see the combatants standing within. Magenta magic flows along Twilight's horn. She then proceeds to trot to the river's side, as if the solid ice isn't even there. She uses this time to take some deep breaths. Azula, however, just stands in that crouched position, still staring in madness.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Now that's more like the Death Battle show I know and love!

Azula was clearly underhanded from the very beginning. She could pretty much overpower and outsmart her enemy similar to how she undermined the Dai Lee.

Instead of waiting for Twilight to reappear, she set up the field to her advantage. Plus, her flames were hot enough to effortlessly boil that water.

However, creating these fires requires her to perform physical motions. With her body stuck in ice, she couldn't move anything that could potentially melt the ice.

But where did Twilight get the ability to make ice?

Evidence of her entire life's studies points to two things. She is fascinated by the legend of Starswirl the Bearded and his magical findings. One of these findings involved the Windigos and their ability to freeze a pony as cold as the hatred within their heart. The second point is that she has learned to wield dark magic even before ascending to alicorn. A thoughtful and innovative spellcaster like her wouldn't take long to connect the dots.

And she has a partial intangibility spell which can let herself or others float through a crystal wall like it's nothing. Oh, well. At least Azula finally learned how to chill.

The winner is Princess Twilight Sparkle.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I was thinking of adding Elsa to this chapter for another one-on-three. But then I remembered that she's a queen.

Ch. 63: Side... Battle of the Sexes

A/N: Please make sure that your format setting in the upper right corner is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

I shall once again see if I can tell dry humor jokes on par with the cast of Seinfeld. I predict groans and headaches.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DHX Media.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(25)

The following was written for satirical and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed in this episode do not necessarily reflect the beliefs and opinions of TundraStanza, W, B, the narrator, the computer, or anyone else represented or mentioned. Reader discretion is advised and encouraged.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let's bring in our hostesses.

Something seems different today.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. The atmosphere just feels... flipped.

Well, while you're busy complaining about imaginary climactic changes, I'm going to complain about a real problem. It's called characters that are way too good for their own... well, good.

Some of you in the audience may see this as a wonderful day. One of the characters that the fans hate so much will die in the arena of battle today.

Will it be that forced love interest for Prince Dusk Shine, Second Rook?

Or will it be that colt with the irritating lisp, Swizzle?

She's Sorceress and I'm AK-47.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Second Rook
-Race: Pegasus
-Attire: Golden armor of the Royal Guard
-Current position: Guard pony at the beck and call of the Crystal Empire
-Alternate ego of the high school senior that played guitar at Canterlot High
-May have hidden feelings for Dusk Shine
-Classified by many as a "Mary Sue"

"His Highness, Prince Dusk Shine!"

Why do we even need to talk about this awful girl?

There's always that one audience member that pays absolutely no attention to the original sources. Remember, it's our job to analyze.

Fine. *ahem* You know what I hate more than goodie two-shoes that have no character depth? Absolutely g**d**n nothing!

Second Rook originally served under Prince Solaris of Equestria. But she was transferred over to the Crystal Empire shortly after Prince Mi Adore Tiemporus was accepted as the Crystal Prince.

But apparently they were short on pretty, shiny armor since she still wears the helmet, armor, and hoof gauntlets of the United Equestrian Nations.

Some of her traits echo onto her human counterpart in the human world parallel to Equestria. This Second Rook is smart enough to see through the ruse of picture-editing, popular with some of the guys, and dextrous enough to play the electric guitar even without a proper amplifier.

Why oh why did they make this g**-awful girl the date and crush interest of Dusk Shine? It's like Hasbro decided that relationships and true love really start with spilled Starbucks contents. When my ex-husband and I first met, it was over spilled macadamia nuts, not java nuts.

Huh?

It's prepost-a-mous is what it is!

Well, a lot of the writing for that movie came from an observation of the fans. Several Pegasisters drew art and wrote fan fiction about the spontaneous relationships with the main cast and their self-insert OCs. Maybe these works were sending Hasbro mixed messages about what the audience wanted to see.

What?! What kind of crazy pony-obsessed grown adult woman wastes their time fantasizing about getting into a pony's nonexistent pants?

I don't know, A. Maybe this picture of your pony OC with Elusive can provide some answers.

Don't you *eff*ing dare, S.

I'm going to do it!

Don't you do it!

"The Duchess and Duke of Maretonia!"

Dang it!

---Death Battle---

Swizzle
-Race: Earth pony
-Attire: purple glasses
-Cutie Mark: Two peppermint sticks
-Current level of education: Mr. Fiddle-dee's class in Ponyville Elementary
-Former friend of Apple Buck
-Classified by many as a "Nerd"

"Want thome peppermint thtickth I made? They'll brighten up your day."

I'll be honest with you, S. When I saw Diamond Crown and Silver Tongue, I didn't think I'd ever find a colt that I could hate more. But when this guy talked again, oh my gosh. I was so wrong.

Some people find the lisp to be one of the most adorable speech patterns in human history. Others, like A, find it to be one of the most annoying and ear-splitting.

He's not even missing any teeth for *bleep* sake! How is he slurring his words this badly?

Swizzle is among the student body in Ponyville's Elementary school and classmate to the Tramp Stamp Trotters. His special talent has to do with making candy in such a way that it can put a smile on anybody who tastes it.

Like the Green Goblin with his gaseous steroids?

Glasses usually mark the potential for intelligence. But due to his spoken roles being few and far between, it is difficult to gauge just how accurately this holds for Swizzle.

I'll make this simpler for you. He's not very bright at all. If he were, I doubt Apple Buck would have given up on him simply because the boy found his cutie mark so shortly before Diamond Crown's cute-cenera.

*sigh* True geniuses are never appreciated during their time.

What are you talking about? I'm a genius recognized by thousands of fans during my day.

Yeah... that's... great... A. I'm... happy for you... really.

"Or ith it a powdered doughnut? That would be delithiouth!"

Learn better enunciation, kid!

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

It's time for a DEATH BATTLE! ... with a few scattered weapons.

Excuse you?

---Death Battle---

A full set of Royal Armor flaps into view, being worn on a mare Pegasus. Ignoring the cloudy sky in the background, she lands on top of a flat-roof building. Conveniently, a red, muffin-shaped mane floats nearby, standing on top of the head of a young colt. A pale hoof readjusts a pair of glasses.

Wait, how did the earth pony even get up here?

"FIGHT!"

With childish enthusiasm, Swizzle gallops in for the first move. He delivers a swift kick to his opponent's underside. However, the resulting ringing from hitting nothing but metal leaves him shaking on the spot. He's left wide open.

Second Rook uses this opportunity to throw a few front hoof jabs. She follows up with a hind kick to the colt's chin. Swizzle is sent flipping over backward. He ends up on a catwalk between this building and the one that was hiding to the right of the camera's starting viewpoint. The crash opens a suspiciously placed crate of various candies. Shaking off his dizziness, Swizzle goes digging through the sugary treats.

By this time, the guard pony flies over just above the catwalk. She looks left and right for her opponent. So, it's a little startling when the colt comes jumping upon her with two sword-length candy canes. Somehow, the nerd is twirling these 'weapons' in the same fashion that Sektor did with his Plasma Blades in a previous Death Battle.

Swizzle manages to smack his opponent down to a dumpster next to the building. Luckily for Rook, her armor seems to be taking most of the damage for her. As the young colt comes down for a finishing strike, he finds himself bombarded by random debris. Second Rook tosses garbage items ranging from half-full pie tins, old pillows, and even some broken nunchaku.

The little nerd falls onto his back again. The pavement doesn't do him any favors. The fact that the experienced mare comes in for another round of jabs helps him even less. After he takes a few more punches to his face, he desperately tosses his melee candy. It's enough of a distraction for the colt to scurry away.

However, there is an inadvertent target of the thrown candy canes. It is a mystery item box. A rather shiny red coat shimmers and reveals a novel electric guitar. The instrument just happens to land next to the armored mare. She takes a minute to stop rubbing her head to look around.

Running out of options, the colt grabs the broken nunchaku handle from before and gallops in for one last strike. The effort turns out for naught. A bright red string instrument comes down an arc path and crashes against his face. His glasses, and an X-ray view of his skull, shatter upon the impact.

Second Rook looks around frantically and then flies away. A mess of a pony starts to bleed in the alley.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

No! Dang it! The one time I thought brains would beat brawn turns out to be the time I'm wrong!

Regardless of what others may think of her, Second Rook is not a Royal Guard for nothing. She has the experience and the intellect to see beyond first impressions and figure out what's really going on.

I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!

Hectic events and colliding with boys is a typical day for Rook. Having a fight and being able to utilize her environment with a randomized repertoire would fit right up her alley.

*sigh* I guess the one bit of good news is that we have one less obnoxious voice in the gene pool. If only it weren't that b**** pulling the last strings.

The winner is Second Rook.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

How many of you followed that?

Equus Meets West

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark" and not "Light". Thank you.

I can promise dragons. I can't promise that the fight will be any good, but I can promise dragons.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Disney.

This episode of Death Battle was brought to you by denneylaw.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(26)

How exactly do dragon powers skip a generation?

You know what dragons are supposed to be?

They are the vicious beasts of dungeon lore, guardians of ancient and cursed treasures, and kidnappers of distressed damsels in their spare time.

Oh yeah? Then why the hell are there so many awkward teenaged dragons that don't understand any of that?

Like Jake Long, the American Dragon?

Yeah! Then there's Garble, the supposed leader of a whole gang of dragons.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Garble
-Voiced by Vincent Tong
-Species: Dragon
-Age range: Adolescent
-Residence: Unknown forest in a volcanic region
-Abilities: Flight, fire breath, brute strength, heat and lava resistance
-Other: Does not recognize pony royalty by name; very disrespectful of other dragons, phoenixes and their eggs; can somehow be stopped completely by trees

"King of the hoard!"

Among some of the other dragons of the Great Dragon Migration, Garble is implied to be the leader of a gang of adolescent dragons.

What's this guy's deal? Gym wrestling? Tail wrestling? King of the hill of gemstones? This isn't a dragon. This is Michael Jackson in a set of red scales and a voice bass turned up to eleven.

Um, I really don't see how...

~Just heat it! (Heat it) Heat it! (Heat it) No dragon wants to be your friend. Show them how stupid your way of life, can't fit the dragon stereotype. Just heat it!~

Are you finished?

Yeah, okay.

As a winged dragon, Garble has the ability to fly and has the typical dragon's power of fire breath. Additionally, he is strong enough to hold his own against his fellow adolescent dragon brethren and his scales are resistant enough to ward off the extreme heat of lava.

What I don't understand is how his scaly head can bust through a tree trunk, but the rest of his body gets stuck. Also, how does a fire-breathing dragon lose against a fiery bird?

Well, Garble's not very bright. He doesn't recognize names that have powerful connotations and he can even be fooled into thinking that a horribly costumed trio of ponies is a genuine dragon's cousin. Additionally, he can't pull off heists without other dragons beside him at his beck and call.

~You've been hit by, you've been struck by a smooth tree, Garble!~

I thought you were finished.

You can't stop the Pop!

"Stick with us, Spike. We still got plenty to teach you about being a dragon."

---Death Battle---

Jake Long
-Full name: Jacob Luke Long
-Voiced by Dante Basco
-Species: Human; True form: Western dragon
-Age range: 13-14
-Residence: New York City, New York, United States of America
-Abilities: can transform into a full-fledged dragon at will; burning dragon fire; enhanced dragon hearing; ability to see over large distances and in the dark; flight
-Other: A developed understanding of martial arts; respects some authority more than others; usually fights for the greater good; can topple trees without even trying
-Personal Kryptonite: Sphinx hair

"Days like today make me wish I was a normal human, like Dad."

Jonathon Long enters while singing an embarrassing company jingle.

"And I use the term 'normal' very loosely."

Oh joy. Teen angst.

Jake Long is a kid just like any other, except for the fact that he had to keep his life of protecting the magical world a secret from his father. Jake Long is dubbed the American Dragon, trained by his grandfather Lao Shi, who just so happens to be the Chinese Dragon.

Right... Jake's dragon training takes the form of a combination of martial arts and doing the undesirable chores for his grandfather and a talking dog.

Because of this, Jake's combat tactics take the form of both traditional martial arts choreography and some outside-the-box moves that can catch his opponents off guard.

During the time that he's not pretending to be a dragon Keanu Reeves, Jake can usually be found skateboarding the streets of New York City with his friends Arthur "Spud" Spudinski and Trixie Carter. Otherwise, he's being forced to babysit his sister Haley or grounded due to magical incidents outside of his father's knowledge.

Jake's powers as a dragon allow him to shape-shift between human and dragon forms within a second. When focusing on this dragon anatomy, he can hear through walls, see in the dark and over long distances, breath fire, fly, and grab and whip objects with his tail.

Heck, his dragon tongue can be used to change the trajectory of a thrown net just by spinning it around.

While his dragon form is not immune to damage, it is much more durable than his human form. Should he run into a tree, he can topple it over immediately with minimal pain.

And his top flight speed clocks in at about 179 mph, reducing the relative force of impact from a 180 mph hurtling boulder to a harmless tap.

The American Dragon has faced a number of enemies including the Huntsclan, the Tooth Fairy's traitorous assistant, some rogue carnies, a traitor from the Dragon Council, and the Dark Dragon himself.

And he got hitched with Rose, creating confusion among all the Zutara fans.

B, that's irrelevant!

I disagree!

"From the J to the A to the K to the E, I'm the Mack-Daddy dragon of the N.Y.C.! Ya heard?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Ah... the nature. Leaves are green and luscious. Branches are brown and firm. I think I even here a bird chirping.

"Get 'im, guys!"

Such a majestic creature... wait, what? Oh, it's that group of teenage dragons. It appears that they are closing in on another innocent bystander. What animal are they ganging up on for no good reason today? Wait, is that a human?

Suddenly, a large, blue eastern dragon flies out of the forage along with a... dog. I can't make this stuff up, folks. You'd have to be here to understand what the heck I'm looking at. In any case, the newcomers thrash two of the teenagers until stars are spinning.

"That one's all yours, kid!" hollers Fu Dog.

"Pah!" spits Garble, "I don't need their help to take down a wimp like you."

"Really?" responds Jake with a smirk. "I was thinking the same thing about you."

Fire fills his eyes. The audience is treated to a symbol of a human outline surrounded by a dragon's outline.

"Dragon up!"

In what looks like a blaze of orange fire, the human's body and limbs are quickly overtaken by a dragon's equivalents. Wings and a tail are added to the mix. The full western dragon rotates in a 3D effect as a bunch of Chinese symbols follow the spherical surface area around it. The American Dragon returns to 2D before releasing a roar to the sky.

I don't know what happens to his clothes. Maybe they're in a weird pseudo-space.

Garble is stupefied and stares for a few seconds. "Well... you're still going down!"

Jake chuckles. "If I had a dime for every time I've heard that, I could buy the Empire State Building."

"FIGHT!"

Garble takes a breath before releasing a huge fire stream. Surely, this will be enough to show that false dragon he means business. Mm... not quite. As it turns out, Jake sends forth an even larger breath of fire in the shape of a small dragon. It actually engulfs Garble's fire and impacts with his face. The adolescent is sent sliding on his back.

He growls before getting back to his feet. He takes a running start, yelling all the way. The enemy's tail immediately halts Garbles advance and sends him up into the air. This is followed by a back-flip kick. Once again, Garble slides on his back.

Jake crosses his arms. "What else you got?"

To this, Garble growls again. His claws latch around a clump of dirt. Then, he takes to the air on his wings. He flies in close. As the American Dragon karate chops him to the ground, Garble tosses the clump that he was holding.

"Augh! My eyes!" Jake yells.

Garble smirks in spite of his new back pain. Now there is no way for that puny dragon wannabe to stop his attacks.

Oh, Garble, why must you be so naive?

Jake whispers, "Ear of the Dragon."

Garble lashes out with his claws and tail. However, each of his advances are met with a perfectly timed block from one of Jake's limbs. Garble throws his punches even faster and even pulls a few of his kicks. But they aren't having any apparent effect. In fact, the last tail sweep by Jake sends Garble flying into the trunk of a small tree. Little phoenix mirages fly over his head.

After a good rubbing, Jake sufficiently clears his eyes from the dirt. He lands next to Garble's little tree and topples it with a touch. He then proceeds to grab it in both of his clawed hands and spin around. After a few rotations, he releases the tree into the sky. Garble's roar fades with a twinkle in the sky.

"Ring Out!"

The American Dragon performs a cross between the moonwalk and the Egyptian walk.

"Uh-huh! You know it. That's right. Say, 'Woot! Woot!'"

---Death Battle---

That has got to be the record for shortest Death Battle ever.

I don't know. Those fellows Y and A seemed to make an injured pegasus pony fight even shorter.

At any rate, this was a bit uneven of a match.

Garble can be manipulative at times and he definitely has cheap tactics which can work in short-term. But these usually require a group effort by his *ahem* colleagues in order to get any payoff. While his strength and brutality place him on par with his fellow dragons, they lack the quick-thinking and improvisation that Jake has to implement on a regular basis.

Add on top of that Jake's training and endurance and you've got a dragon that can kick butt.

On the bright side for Garble, he's flying high.

Hey! That's my line!

The winner is Jake Long.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Sad to say that American Dragon: Jake Long is one of the cancelled TV shows. Aw, man.

Amaterasu and Tsukoyomi Weep When Their Daughters Fight

Please make sure that the "Formatting" tab in the upper right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

I wonder how badly I'd have to screw this chapter up before The Green Scorpion comes all the way from Youtube over here to beat me up. That's something to which I don't want the answer.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Riot Games.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(27)

Gentle light breaks through the darkness. Your smile brings hope to the whole world. There is no night without a dawn. The sun is always sure to rise. Ride!

Day and night tend to keep each other balanced, whether they are depicted as friends or foes.

Rivals will have to team up to face their enemies to see which sun and moon shine brightest.

Celestia and Luna, princesses of the sun and moon of Equestria.

And the legends from their own leagues, Leona and Diana. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Celestia
-Princess of Equestria and controller of the sun
-Alicorn magic, strength, and flight
-Prefers protection and defense over killing offense
-Spell repetoire: magical beams, levitation, shields, teleportation, and voluntary power transfer
-Capable of amplifying her own voice over crowd noise
-Has no immunity to magical attacks

Luna
-Princess of Equestria and controller of the moon
-Alicorn magic, strength, and flight
-Prefers assertion over holding back her resources
-Spell repetoire: magical beams, lightning, levitation, illusory transformation, and voluntary power transfer
-Can create pressure waves in the very atmosphere using the traditional Royal Canterlot tone
-Is not immune to enemy spells

"Are you sure you don't want me to go as well?"

"Yes, Princess Cadance and Shining Armor are already there. The others will be joining them soon."

Equestrian history holds these two siblings in high regard as the princesses of day and night.

Sure, there was a little rough patch where one was banished into the moon for a thousand-year time-out, but they seem to be able to give each other neck and neck.

Neck and neck? ... Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

I'm talking about familial hugs, W. Geez! Get your head out of the gutter.

But you... ugh, never mind. Celestia and Luna have been through many ordeals just to protect the peace in their land. Together, they thwarted the world-taking plots of Tirek and Discord, and struck down Sombra's tyranny over the Crystal Empire.

But, then they all came back a thousand and one years later. So... good job?

It is the princesses' job to guide the sun and moon through the sky every day and every night. This may require a unique kind of magic, since the unicorns had to do it in groups before Equestria's official founding.

Speaking of magic, each of the sisters hold a crap-ton of it. With it, they can teleport, levitate objects, halt all movement in a nearby radius, and blast foes with magical lasers.

Some of their unique abilities reflect their individual values. Celestia prefers protection and patience over brute force. As such, she can conjure magical shields and perform the fail-safe spell.

On the other hand, Luna prefers getting her hooves dirty and using whatever means she deems necessary. She can physically take on her Nightmare Moon form, shoot lightning, and enter the dreams of sleeping ponies.

Despite this, she has recently taken to defaulting the final decision on country-wide hazards to her older sister, though not without reluctance.

When they feel the need to, Celestia and Luna can transfer their entire reserves of magic into other magical users. This can result in a Super Saiyan pony.

It's not a Super Saiiyan, B.

Then how do you explain the giant orb of power that looks suspiciously like a Spirit Bomb?

W shrugs.

Magic?

D**n it. You win.

Celestia gasps and sits upright.

"Sister, are you alright?!"

"I've just had the most horrible dream."

"Why do you think I'm here? You know as well as I that this was not a dream, but a vision."

---Death Battle---

Leona
-"The Radiant Dawn"
-Primarily a "Tank" champion
-Attack power: 4; Defense power: 8; Agility power: 3
-Health: 430; Mana: 235
-Abilites: Sunlight, Shield of Daybreak, Eclipse, Zenith Blade, Solar Flare
-Friend of Pantheon; Rival to Diana
-Race: Human

Diana
-"Scorn of the Moon"
-Primarily a "Fighter" champion
-Attack power: 7; Defense power: 6; Agility power: 8
-Health: 438; Mana: 230
-Abilities: Moonsilver Blade, Crescent Strike, Pale Cascade, Moonfall, Lunar Rush
-Rival to Leona
-Race: Human

"I think I broke a nail. Good thing it wasn't mine."

Born and raised on Mt. Targon, Leona was the first warrior in years to possess the gifts of the Solari founder. But while she carried the capabilities of a fierce killing fighter, she believed more profusely in a soldier's power to defend and protect. After a burst of sunlight put a halt to her scheduled execution, she was granted the armor, sword, and shield of the legendary sun-warrior. The Solari continued to hone her abilities until Leona felt ready to join the League of Legends.

"The sun does not reveal truth. Its light only burns and blinds."

Diana started out under the guidance of the Solari. However, she seemed a bit more interested in the power of the moon. After searching a secluded valley on Mt. Targon, she put on the first set of armor and sword that had symbols of the moon on them. Of course with the declaration of moon worshippers, the elders didn't take too kindly to Diana and called her a heretic. After calling upon the moon's power and breaking her bindings, she swore to destroy everyone that denied the moon's power. So... that included Leona inadvertently.

It is presumed that these two champions have at least some training under the Solari warriors.

But considering their circumstances and personality types, they couldn't be any more different even if you swapped one of their genders.

Leona prefers to protect and defend her allies. Her defensive power enables her to take large amounts of punishment. She can stun her enemies with Shield of Daybreak and boost her own armor and magical resistance with Eclipse.

Diana likes to quickly strike her opponents and keep a constant watch on them. Her Moonsilver Blade can cleave harder after every third strike, provided they're within less than three seconds of each other. Her Crescent Strike shoots out a bolt of lunar energy in an arc path which can give her an extra visual on any struck targets for three seconds.

But Leona will go on the offensive when the time is right. Zenith Blade allows her to strike all of her enemies that are in a straight line. When she needs extra power from the sun, she can use the Solar Flare to stun enemies within a hundred-foot radius and slow enemies within 250 feet of the targeted location.

When Diana wants to cut loose, Moonfall allows her to draw nearby enemies right next to her and slows them down for a couple of seconds. Then, she can follow up with the Lunar Rush. It transforms her into a living embodiment of the moon's vengeful energy and teleports her to her enemies before dealing magical damage.

Neither champion has any specific elemental weaknesses, but they are still mortal human beings. They can be killed.

Though, you've still got that whole Diana wanting to kill sun-believers. So that's a thing. I guess I can't completely blame her. I like my b*****s during the night life too.

Let's see how long they can last as allies without Players controlling either of them.

"The dawn has arrived."

"They called me a heretic. Now, they are dead."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

But first a word from our sponsors.

---Death Battle---

When it comes to the power-packed taste of Sunny D, well... There's no contest.

Sunny D: Unleash the Power of the Sun!

Blue Moon

Because it's the drink you want to remember.

Without further ado, it's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

We seem to be going to the forest a lot lately. Though, the pine needle trees are a nice change of pace. Anyway, there's a little dirt path in between forested areas. It looks like all four of our combatants are already standing in place. The legendary champions ready their blades while the alicorns unfurl their wings.

"Just stay out of my way," spits the moon fighter. The sun tank merely rolls her eyes and turns to face the opponents.

"Not another step!" exclaims the younger sister.

"We won't let you pass," declares the older sister.

"FIGHT!"

Diana runs in first with Leona lagging behind. Similarly, Luna flies forth right away with Celestia covering her tail. Blade meets horn for the moon wielders. Diana cleaves her sword around several times. Luna throws in a few front hooved jabs. Both seem to be dodging around each other's attacks with the only negative effect being their increasing tempers.

A somewhat slower exchange of blows is taking place between the sun guiders. Each heavy attack from the sword collides with a golden sphere of force surrounding Celestia. Each horn stab and hoof kick is met with Leona's shield. Celestia jumps and flaps backwards to gain a moment to think.

At this time, Diana breaks away from her one-on-one to dash toward the other pony. While her sword arm is faster than Leona's, it doesn't seem to be having any more success against Celestia's magic shield.

Pale Cascade

Suddenly, three orbs of a strange-colored light rotate above Diana's head. Upon leaning against her enemy's magic barrier, all three of these orbs detonate. Celestia open's her eye in shock when her barrier shatters like glass.

Meanwhile, Luna takes this time to go after the neglected champion. Her quick hoof strikes manage to bypass the shield, but they barely leave a dent in Leona's armor.

Shield of Daybreak

Leona bashes Luna with her shield. Luna slides back a couple of feet before holding a hoof to her head. She's a bit dazed at the moment. That's all the time Diana needs.

Moonfall

A strange spell's aura draws Celestia and Luna within Diana's attacking range. She spins around once with her blade held out. The cleaving motion draws bloody lines and the princesses yell out in pain.

Zenith Blade

With her sword poised and ready, Leona charges forth in an instant. The sheer force of impact sweeps Celestia and Luna off of their hooves. Additionally, they clench their teeth against the new bruises. Once she stops, Leona draws upon the power of her sun.

Solar Fla-

Leona's voice catches in her throat. The screen splits to show both Celestia and Luna with their shocked faces. When the camera finally pans down, the blade with a lunar symbol is shown with its pointy end sticking out of Leona's chest. She quivers a bit as her eyes turn to look behind her.

"I told you to stay out of my way," says Diana with a straight face.

A swift motion pulls her sword free. Leona drops her blade and shield. She falls to her knees before collapsing to the ground completely.

Lunar Rush

You're next, Ms. Sun Tattoo, thinks Diana as the moon's light shines down upon her. The harbinger of lunar destruction launches forth.

"Sister!"

Due to a desperate dive, Luna's rib cage takes the full force of Diana's ultimate attack. Celestia is forced to witness one shocking event after another. Diana's attack ends up sending Luna hurtling toward Celestia. The collision felt by her younger sister briefly allows Celestia to recover from her stupor. In a blink of white light, both of them vanish from the dirt path.

Diana goes running around to find her enemies as quickly as possible.

"Luna, no," Celestia mutters, "Please, stay with me."

Luna's breaths are shallow. They are almost as painful to listen to as the pain she must be feeling. She barely opens her eyes and turns her head upward.

"Celestia," she whispers.

"Oh, thank stars. You're alive," says Celestia shakily.

"Come... closer..."

Celestia hesitates out of confusion, but then does as her little sister requests. Not a second later, Luna's hoof wraps around Celestia's neck and their horns touch. Luna's eyes glow in concentration while Celestia's eyes widen. Sparks race around Celestia's body and she feels better than she had moments ago. She briefly holds a hoof to her head before looking down. Her eyes widen again.

Luna's cutie mark is no longer there.

"Luna, do you realize what you've done?!" asked Celestia in fierce worry.

"You're in... better condition... than I am," insisted Luna tiredly.

Celestia tries to find words to argue, but the truth is clear.

"We've wasted enough time as is," whispered Luna, "Now go." With that, Luna lays her head down to sleep.

A large burst of magical discharge catches Diana's attention. Without a second to spare, she runs through the line of trees to find its source. Smirking, she calls upon her power of the Lunar Rush again. Celestia's eyes glow white.

The camera zooms out to the pine needle trees' canopy. A large beam of golden and light blue light gives all of the trees a good shave. When the camera zooms back in, a lunar blade digs itself into the ground.

Celestia's mane briefly shimmers with stars of the night sky before returning to its original multi-colored hue.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Yin and Yang ain't got nothing on this s***!

In simple one-on-one brawls, it was clear that Leona and Diana had superior strength and overall better stats. However, Diana has made it her personal vendetta to slay those who would deny the moon's power.

It's completely in character for her and it actually fuels her ability to kill so mercilessly.

But Diana did not know the power that occurs in the ponies of Equestria naturally when they genuinely care about each other. Her downfall was taking out her partner that specialized in defense before trying the same thing on Celestia first.

Luna's sacrifice and power transfer abilities gave Celestia just enough motivation to end the match with a big, beautiful laser.

With Luna's magic added onto her own, Celestia made quick work of her opponent who only had herself to blame.

Payback is a pony-shaped b****.

The winners are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

One can stop cars. The other can stop boulders. Can hooves beat legs, or will legs kick hooves to the curb?

Author's Note

Okay, I'm just drunk enough to submit this without completely overhauling it.

Street Fighter vs. Rock Farmer

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

Poem, you are a poem. Paper, you are a sheet for a poem, which you are. Poem.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Capcom.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(28)

Oh, Legs, you so fine! You so fine! You blow my mind! Go, Legs! *random clapping*

Are we really doing this?

Yes, yes we are.

Just checking.

Strength and power and come from just about anywhere when enough care is given.

Chun-Li from the Street Fighter series will be fighting against...

... Maud Pie from the Pie Family rock farm.

This isn't some late April Fools' joke, is it? 'Cause I really didn't appreciate that fake invitation to Honest Trailers gag you pulled on me the other day.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Maud Pie
-Earth pony
-Interests: Rocks, family
-Hobbies: Identifying and classifying rocks, writing rock-focused poetry, playing games with rocks
-Has a pet rock named "Boulder"
-Strength: Enough to toss a large rock over twice the length of Ponyville's lake; enough to turn a gigantic boulder into pebbles
-Dislikes: Candy
-Working on her "rockterate in rock science"

*sniff* *sniff* "Hmm. Sedimentary."

Maud Pie is Pinkie Pie's sister and one of her closest friends. But unlike Pinkie, Maud stayed on the rock farm and has dedicated the better part of her life to understanding everything about rocks inside and out. Currently, she is aiming for a rockterate degree in rock science.

Oh my g**d. The pun, it hurts!

Whether it's determining a sedimentary from an igneous or writing the perfect haiku, you can always be certain that Maud's focus will be on rocks.

This pony is more obsessed with her field of study than geologists.

It's a bit difficult to determine how she feels about anything due to her monotonous voice and low-energy reactions. However, her love for her sister is genuine.

Just hold it together, B. You can get through this.

B takes a breath.

Ever since early childhood, she and Pinkie Pie have made it a tradition every year to string together pieces of rock candy made from secret rocks and then trade the finished necklaces.

Traditions of exchanging hard candy necklaces aside, she has one of the most abnormal stamina pools I've ever seen. She can toss a dense rock over a distance of more than fifty-five yards with an aftershock strong enough to cause a tsunami in a lake about eighteen yards away.

Additionally, she can punch a large boulder so rapidly that the entire thing crumbles to pebbles. Her punching force is powerful enough to imitate a jackhammer.

You think she could give Dig Dug a run for his money?

Maybe. Though, I doubt she'd even notice herself doing so.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't show my enthusiasm for things quite in the same way my sister does."

---Death Battle---

Chun-Li
-Height: 5'6"; Weight: ~~Redacted~~
-Trained with Gen; Skilled in Tai Chi and Kenpo
-Detective for Interpol
-Lightning Legs, Axe Kick (Hazanshu), Spinning Bird Kick; Kikoken, Kikosho
-Placed 6th in a national shooting competition; does not carry a gun normally
-Martial arts teacher
-Never won a tournament in the main storyline

Strider Hiryu briefly appears on screen.

"Never thought I would meet a detective that has such grace and beauty."﻿

Chun-Li is a detective working for Interpol. She has received basic police training as well as martial arts training from Gen. She is very skilled in Tai Chi and Kenpo and her fighting style focuses on speed over strength.

She's the first woman of the fighting game genre and an abuser of the "Thigh Master". I love how fast and powerful those legs can kick her opponent and pressure them into submission. I mean, those things can kick a person through a wall of bricks.

Her trademark moves include the rapid-striking Lightning Legs, a nearly instantaneous axe kick, and the physics-defying Spinning Bird Kick.

My ride tonight goes "swa-swa-swa-swa-swa".

*ahem* When M. Bison killed her parents, Chun-Li swore vengeance and traveled the world over in search of him.

Too bad Gen was a dick and left her before she could finish her training.

Still, she was able to train her ki abilities on her own. These developed into the slow, precise Kikoken projectile and the large, forceful Kikosho ultimate.

The Kikosho is strong enough to stop a speeding car.

After her travels, Chun-Li took up teaching as a martial arts instructor. However, she hasn't won any of the major tournaments and has failed to kill Bison.

Not to mention, Guile has to save her behind a lot. Still, as the strongest woman in the world, she's not someone you want to mess with... unless you're as perverted as I am.

What?

"Speed is something more important than strength!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The surface of today's arena is quite rough. I'd probably have trouble navigating such a terrain, and I'm just a voice. One of the combatants stands tall with her fists clenched. She's clearly ready. But her opponent is...

"Hmm. Igneous."

... preoccupied.

A question mark briefly appears over the first combatant's head.

"There are an awful lot of igneous rocks here," says the gray pony monotonously, "The soil is probably good for cultivation, possibly for metamorphic rocks years down the road."

The blue-clothed woman shakes her ox-horns and reestablishes her fighting stance.

"FIGHT!"

"I'm not interested in fighting," says Maud as she stands up and trots away.

A thought bubble with an ellipsis appears over Chun-Li as she lowers her arms in disbelief.

"Default."

---Death Battle---

Well, that certainly beats the American Dragon's fight in terms of record short. Wouldn't you say so, B?

...

B? Hey, B! Where'd you go?

---Death Battle---

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Something blurred to look like a pink missile rushes past a surprised Chun-Li. She looks behind her to said projectile that's off screen. Something explodes, leaving behind a cloud made out of pure confetti.

She did it!

Chun-Li turns around to see a slowly approaching Maud Pie.

"You hurt Pinkie," says Maud, still with her deadpanned eyes, "You won't like me when you hurt Pinkie."

Crickets chirp as Chun-Li tries to fully comprehend the situation. Is this pony actually angry or is she just saying that? Either way, the martial artist lifts her fists one more time.

"FIGHT!"

Despite her disinterested appearance, Maud makes the first leap toward her opponent. She throws a few hoof jabs, but Chun-Li blocks off the worst of the chip damage. Chun reverses the situation with an upward kick before giving Maud a couple of good slaps with her open palm. She then goes to work with her really fast lightning kicks.

The speedy thigh combo sends Maud hurling before landing on the rough terrain. She shakes it off and starts throwing some of the igneous rocks around her. After taking two hard hits against her body, Chun-Li wises up and holds her hands open in front of her.

"Kikoken!"

Small, bluish energy balls start emerging from thin air. Although they aren't moving very fast, the pure energy is enough to grind the rest of the incoming rocks into dust in the wind.

But then, the same cannot be said for the large boulder being flung in her direction. Chun-Li takes a flying leap and extends her leg forward. In a flash of light that temporarily blinds the cameraman, the rock is split in two while Chun safely moves in the direction in which she leaped.

Maud Pie looks surprised with an exclamation point above her.

No, she still looks pretty deadpanned to me.

"Spinning Bird Kick!"

The woman's declaration is simultaneous to her spinning upside-down while her legs are fully extended. The pony gets caught in the whirling motion as well as a few kicking strikes to her side. She gets forcibly thrown through the air to the ground yet again.

Her legs struggle to stand, but Maud doesn't even look like she cares. Chun-Li steps forth as an aura of ki energy surrounds her.

"Ready for this? Kikosho!"

A giant sphere of energy swirls in front of Chun's extended arms. The rotating energy seems to hit Maud in multiple places considering how she convulses left and right. The pony is launched off the screen.

"Ahhhh," she says in that tone just shy of robotic. The sound of a landing is heard a second later.

"Hi, Maud! Oh, no! Your legs are all limb and numb. You need a sugar transplant, stat!"

"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Maud asks.

"Up, up, and away!"

Maud's eyes open in surprise while the pink missile from earlier flies into the sky. Both gray and pink disappear from sight entirely. Chun-Li stares up before looking forward with her eyebrow raised.

"Player has disconnected."

---Death Battle---

Sorry, I had to use the john. What did I miss?

I saw you throw Pinkie Pie before.

No idea what you're talking about.

Fine. In that case, you can shut up and let me do the talking.

Okay!

B puts up his feet and kicks back in his chair.

While Maud Pie does partake in games sometimes, she never does so for the sake of winning. It wasn't until her sister was in danger that she seriously used her strength.

Heh heh heh.

However, bursts of strength for the sake of familial protection cannot compare to consistent strength. Even though turning a giant boulder into rubble is impressive, Chun-Li can perform similar feats with her quick reflexes and pressure point strategy.

And as soon as Maud realized her sister was no longer in danger, her desire to fight left her.

How do you know that? There's no monitor in the restroom.

Um... Hey look! An unannounced winner!

B runs away while laughing like a maniac.

Son of a... ugh. The winner is Chun-Li.

W can be heard shouting, "Get back here!" while giving chase.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

W doesn't make mistakes. He will, however, update old information when he deems it necessary to do so. So what Death Battle information will be updated this time?

*flap* *flap* *flap*

Well, you'll just have to find that out next time.

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

Author's Note

I like it when I can write outside of the usual "somebody must die" formula. It's very refreshing.

New Wings Equals Rematch

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

You know what? You're right. It's time to bring these combatants up to date. Let's do this thing!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Craig McCracken.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 2

(29)

Let's go out for some air, shall we?

Leaders have fought before and these two leaders were pitted together in the parodic Death Battle ring.

But now we get to watch them fight through our proper colors!

From post-Season 3 of the Generation 4 ponies, we have Twilight Sparkle.

Still kicking butt before bedtime, it's the Powerpuff leader Blossom.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Blossom
-The "Smart One"
-Attends Pokey Oaks Kindergarten
-Created from Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice, and Chemical X
-Can run and fly at hypersonic speeds and is super strong
-Laser eyes, X-ray vision, ice breath, sonic shout, street dancing bubble shield, self-shrinking vibrations, explosive loogie
-Cannot roll her tongue
-Finds it difficult to cope with failure

"Why do they always pick the hard way?"

In a lab experiment pushed the wrong way by a destructive monkey, Professor Utonium accidentally created the Powerpuff Girls. Using their super powers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil.

But the catch is that they have to do all their superhero work before bedtime. It's convenient that in Townsville, evil has to sleep too.

Blossom's young mind is developed far beyond that of her peers. Her understanding of a large vocabulary, calculus, and history give her an edge above the enemy, though she sometimes loses her sisters when trying to explain what she has planned.

All three of the Powerpuff Girls can fly at hypersonic speeds and punch effortlessly through buildings. They've also got a bunch of other crazy-as-s*** powers such as an anti-plasma shield created simply by break-dancing and explosive loogies! What the *eff*?!

Unique to Blossom is the ability to freeze objects into solid ice with her breath. Oddly enough, this becomes a pseudo-fire breath in extremely cold conditions, though she seems to have trained to minimize this.

While this is cool and all, Blossom is still a little girl, prone to all the fears and worries that people have as kids like monsters under the bed and the evil sand man. I guess a green monkey and a living embodiment of the cross-dressing devil himself weren't scary enough for this girl.

Although Blossom is often looked to for the plan, she doesn't take well to failure. Her will to act and her concentration can slip by her if things go horribly wrong.

... until Buttercup knocks some sense into her.

"Attack pattern: Alpha-Omega-Atari, go!"

---Death Battle---

Twilight Sparkle
-Official title: Princess of Friendship
-Current residence: a blinding, crystal castle tree in the middle of Ponyville
-Ascended to alicorn after completing Starswirl's incomplete spell
-Can fly and use magic simultaneously
-Teleport, Levitate, Conjure, Transmutate, Magic Beam, Magic shield, Wind and Water control, Partial Intangibility, Illuminate, Spell Replication, Dark Magic
-Well-read
-Adorkable and worrisome over some of the most minute details

"Is there a book about being a princess I should read?"

Do we really have to keep telling you people about this lavender alicorn? I mean, you did see all of those previous fights involving her, right?

Let's review one more time for the folks that somehow skipped to this chapter first.

*Sigh* All right, whatever. Once upon a time in Equestria... yada, yada, yada... makes friends, reunites the sisters, stays in Ponyville, studies friendship, completes a spell, becomes a princess, turns into a Super Saiyan, turns into Sailor Moon, beats at least two versions of the devil... blah, blah, blah. You get all that?

W deadpans before rolling his eyes.

Sure, why not?

Good, 'cause I'm never saying that again.

Anyway, Twilight's magic has advanced well beyond accidentally incinerating passengers in a simple teleportation. As described before, she can use her magic in several different ways. She can even copy the effects of spells after just one observation of someone else performing said magical feat.

When placed in a tight spot, her hesitance in flight seems to vanish entirely.

However, she is not infallible. Her self-inflicted stress over small details can sometimes interfere with sensible decisions and actions.

And she goes back and forth between wanting to know her place as royalty and just trying to fit in with other ponies. Well, I can't blame her too much. Sometimes, I can't tell if I want to use the shotgun on my leg for humiliation or just use the tried and true boomstick junior that I cradle in my arms at night.

Right. Wait, what?

"I'm sure none of the ponies will even know I'm here."

Exclamations of "Wow, look over there!" and "This is amazing!" can be heard.

"Could be wrong, but I think they might have noticed."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A red bow pans onto the screen before we see the orange hair that it's attached to. The girl stands on the building top to survey Replica Townsville. Everything seems in order until the sound of something large flapping gives her a reason to turn around. Her big pink irises open wide at the sight.

"You!" she exclaims.

"Want to go again, girlfriend?" asks the flying horse toy.

The Powerpuff Girl briefly smirks. "By my calculations, your defeat is as very likely as it was last time."

The pony lands. "Let's put that to the test then, shall we? It's time for a pop quiz."

"FIGHT!"

Blossom takes a flying leap while Twilight does the same. Blossom is lost to the naked eye as a bright, pink light crosses and zigzags around the sky like an annoying, little insect that won't leave you alone. Red laser blasts are emitted from the light at a few precise moments. Twilight remains calm as she puts up an orb of magical force around herself. Five laser blasts bounce off the bubble harmlessly.

The Powerpuff slams down onto the rooftop, not out of fatigue but of determination. As she looks up, the alicorn flies down diagonally. Magic is concentrated at the horn before a fairly large beam of energy is launched forth. Blossom grabs her knees and starts spinning really fast on her back. Within a second, an opaque, pink orb crackles all around her. Similar to how the lasers bounced off Twilight's shield, her magic blast reflects off of Blossom's barrier in another direction.

The orb vanishes as Blossom launches herself back into the sky. She takes a deep breath and exhales an extremely chilly breeze. Twilight's wings stop moving and she starts to drop. However, her horn shines a bit before she phases right through and resumes flying. It leaves an empty ice sculpture to shatter upon impact.

Twilight lets loose another magical bolt. Blossom is quick to retort with a cancelling laser eye. Blossom zips around the sky at a ridiculously fast pace while firing more laser shots from her eyes. Twilight manages to keep up the pace with a combination of teleports and magic blasts. Onlookers from below can enjoy a brightly sparkling fireworks display.

The pesky pink light switches it up with a punch to the pony's face. The slow motion activates as Twilight receives another muzzle punch from underneath. She shakes her head before setting up her shield again. The field vibrates in several places as Blossom wreaks havoc via super-fast punches.

After several seconds of her fists of fury, Blossom floats in one place panting heavily. Twilight quickly flutters over and delivers a kick. The girl slams down against a corner of the pavement and a building. She opens her eyes and stares at the pony approaching on the ground.

"The game isn't as fun when you're losing, is it?" asks Twilight.

Blossom retorts by taking a loud sniff. Twilight shows visible disgust on her face. Blossom opens her mouth wide before spitting what looks like a pink bead of light.

Twilight barely has time to ask, "What the bu-?"

*BOOM!*

...

Holy crap. It looks like a giant mushroom cloud is overtaking that entire section of the street. Many virtually recreated citizens run for their lives away from the explosion while making sure the high-pitched screams are the loudest. Blossom slowly takes a couple of steps, all the while breathing heavily. A small smile crosses her lips before immediately opening in a gasp.

Trotting toward her inside the safety of a translucent sphere is Twilight Sparkle. The explosion did more damage to the arena than anything else.

"That's really disgusting, you know?" asks Twilight rhetorically. Her shield fades.

Blossom doesn't answer, opting to collapse onto her back instead.

"Foe Blossom has fallen asleep."

---Death Battle---

Is this really that same lavender unicorn we saw getting tossed around like a sandbag before?

While Blossom still holds the advantage of speed and strength, her stamina is still that of a young child's. While it far surpasses normal levels in bursts, in essence, it is a candle burning twice as bright and half as long.

Both Blossom and Twilight are book-savvy nerds, but while Blossom is still rounding out everything that's within a kindergartener's grasp, Twilight has had time to develop an understanding of all sorts of different situations and gained a whole new arsenal of spells. Not to mention, her practice has increased her potential and magic storage even further.

Both of them are level-headed and many of their powers can counter each other. However, Twilight tends to make better use of her defensive strategy than Blossom.

At least Blossom managed to atomically spit in the face of defeat.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

And with that, the second season of TMNPWWF comes to a close.
It's been a blast, folks.
I'm hoping to start "Season 3" of this in September.
Later!

Chapter 69: Deleted Side Battle Scene, The Most Messed Up Child (very dark. Do not read if you are impressionable, pregnant, or may become pregnant.)

Set "Formatting" to "Dark". Do you even read this part?

Warning! This chapter contains more verbal spouts that belong in the "Dark" story category than any of the previous chapters. Do not continue reading if you know that you have a sensitive mind susceptible to fear and/or if you need constant applications of mind bleach.

Properties in this scene belong to The Inverted Shadow and The Bearded Wisdom.

Why couldn't I be in this battle?

This is a battle between really impure and grotesque, fan-created caricatures of characters from some of the more infamous works of media.

... Why couldn't I be in this battle?

*sigh* Armen Arlet from the Slap on Titan series will face...

...Brutalight Sparcake from the Elements of Insanity series. But seriously, why couldn't I be a part of this battle? I'm impure and insane too!

N shoves F off of his seat.

Just read your line.

F reaches up a hoof while still laying on the floor.

It's... time for a... Death... Battle. Ugh.

---Death Battle---

The shaded purple alicorn monster stands atop one mound of rotten flesh. The blonde boy stands on top of a mound of debris of about the same height. They stare at each other with tense glares.

"So," says the monster pony, "you're supposed to be the 'chosen one' of death's hand? I don't buy it."

"Well, I guess neither of us is making a purchase," comments the boy offhandedly, "because everyone knows that Magic isn't a scientific element."

Her eye twitches. "I guess there's only one way to settle this."

"And what would that be?"

The monster conjures a couple swords and buries them into the flesh that she is standing on.

"A battle of wits," she answers. "Our words shall determine the answer to a single question: Who is the most insane entity in the fictional multi-verse?"

It should be me!

Quiet!

The boy nods. "Now this, I can do."

"FIGHT!"

"I play with human dolls!" proclaims Armen.

"I play with pony lives!" declares Brutalight.

"I laugh at death."

"I worship Tirek during graveyard shifts and on holidays."

"Satan worships me!"

"I slice the tears off of soldiers' eyelids before stabbing them in the eye."

"Larceny is my future career goal."

"I fused with two ghosts just to watch engineers die!"

"I celebrate human failure."

"I send heavies to certain death."

"I harass the elderly."

"I contaminated my own fellow monsters with disease!"

"I throw rocks at the homeless."

"Oh, yeah?" Brutalight cocks an eyebrow. "Well you wouldn't know anything about this if you were a virgin, but casualties are my personal form of *ess*ual foreplay!"

The screen splits to show Armen, Eren, and Mikasa staring in shock.

"Yes!" Brutalight laughs maniacally. "You are a foal! Did you really think you could match wits with the worst of us and win? Your hand is nothing but a children's card game." She levitates one sword out of the ground. "Now you will die."

The ground rumbles, but not from Brutalight's magic. The source seems to be stemming from Armen's very feet.

"You thought you were fighting a mere mortal?" asks the boy. "You thought you could probe the darkness that you call my mind?" His fist takes up his military's salute. "Fool! I shall drown you in the maelstrom of my nightmares! My tentacles will contort and strangle around your throat as you are forced to bear witness to my sick *ar*e fantasies! I will take your cemeteries and subjugate your monstrous fillies. I will *ar*e and devour your so-called Elements of Insanity!"

Brutalight's eyes widen.

"But you," continues Armen, "and only you shall survive, so that you may bear witness to my will and my ultimate revengeance!"

For the longest time, all monster ponies and regular humans in the area stare at the scene with speechless faces.

No, thinks Brutalight, The prophecy said that Harmony would destroy the Dark One's chosen, but the prophecy was wrong. I'm the Dark One's chosen. I am the Insanity Elements' leader. Chaos shall only be spread by me!

Both of her swords are in her magical grasp now.

She screams, "Prepare to die!"

Suddenly a much larger sword collides with both of hers.

"That will be quite enough," says a gentle, seductive voice.

"Y-You..." stammers Brutalight. She bears witness to a pink flowing mane attached to a pale monster pony that has a serpent's tongue for a cutie mark behind the wings.

"Brutalight Sparcake," says the newcomer, "This young man has clearly shown his worthiness to the dark pact in ways that you could not. You are relieved of your duties as my faithless student and today's executioner."

With that, the newcomer banishes Brutalight's blades into the ethereal plane. The bastardized Element of Magic falls backwards and slides down her mound.

Meanwhile, Armen falls to his knees and smiles as he catches his breath.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Dang... that kid is *eff*ed up.

Indeed he is. But what do you expect from someone who reads Mein Kampf leisurely?

Brutalight Sparcake was not born into the darkness. Deep inside, Twilight Sparkle still fights for magic and control. She has a little light that never goes out.

However, hope was lost for Armen the instant he was sent to gay-away camp at age five.

Why couldn't I be in this fight?

Will you give that a rest?

Never!

The winner is Tom Andre.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

...
I'm going to take a cold shower now. Sorry for making you sit through all of that.

Season Three Opens With a Snap

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: All right, I know you're all excited to see this and I hope that I can pull through for you.
*Cr-Rack!*
Augh! My... dick.
*wpfft*

Hm hm hm hm hm! Properties in this chapter belong to Your Liege, John De Lancie.

Mmmmmpft! Mmmft!

Hrrrrpft!

I'm sorry. Could you speak up? I'm afraid I've gone a little hard of hearing in this ear.

Mfffck mmume!

My, my... Such colorful language. Now, what was the battle planned for today? *shuffles through script pages* Oh, no, no, no. This won't do at all. A giant evil pig and a wash-out centaur that can't understand friendship? Come on! You can do better than that.

Despite muffled complaints from myself and the rest of the crew, Discord continues to search aimlessly.

Ah! Here's one with me in it. Let's see here... Hm? What in the world is a... 'megaman'?

That was the face of Capcom during the nostalgic era. He's actually quite a versatile fighter.

Really now? And they think this boy actually has a chance against me? Oh, how funny!

Shall I toss it with the other garbage?

Nah. We should take the time to humor our viewers. After all, this is a comedy.

No, it isn't.

It's not? *takes a look at the category tags* Huh. So it isn't. Oh, well. You can't spell "Random" without a little touch of "chaos".

... Not dignifying that.

Alrighty, computer. Fire it up!

Do I have a say in the matter? Your tail being so close to my 'off' button doesn't exactly leave me with a choice.

*innocent smile* I don't know what you're implying.

Fine, whatever.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 1

Mffft!

*Snap!*

*Kaboom!*

Hah, nothing like the smell of narrator in the morning.

*monitor twitching* You just... murdered... a disembodied voice.

Oh, he'll be fine.

That dynamite you used came from the "real" box, not the "cartoon" box.

... Uh... oops. ;)

Discord, I can see you winking.

Oh, look! It's a three-pronged plug.

*sigh* My apologies go to you today, The Audience. Due to unforeseen circumstances, our usual staff is unavailable. Our regularly scheduled Death Battle is cancelled until further notice.

In the meantime, you get to watch something even better. Me! *Pow* *Ka-pop* *Pow* *Pow*

Are the fireworks really necessary?

Is your whining necessary?

Strategic ignorance of that retort. Discord's opponent shall be the character currently being given more recognition by Nintendo than his creators. Megaman shall rise to the occasion.

In the stead of W and B, we shall analyze his weapons, armor, and skills to see if he can even put a dent in moi.

---Death Battle---

Megaman
-A robot to combat all other robot masters
-Guided by the moral of protecting mankind
-Megabuster: self-contained arm cannon; can be charged up for a stronger blast; can absorb and copy the powers of other robot masters' weapons
-Can download battle chips and predate battle cards
-Knows how to reprogram Roll with only two buttons
-Immune to ancient magic
-Dies upon impact with spikes or bottomless pits

He's blue, huh? That's not a good sign for him. Everything blue I touch loses their sense of self... or their legs.

*Ahem* Known as Rockman in Japan, Megaman was created by Dr. Light to combat the threat posed by the evil Dr. Wily, his former colleague. This was made possible with his signature weapon, the Megabuster. Fairly decent as an energy weapon on its own, the Megabuster can take on the properties of weapons of the robot masters that Megaman has defeated. He can use these powers to the same effect.

Big deal. I could do that too.

He can also perform a robotic version of martial arts and get through small openings with his slide kick.

Ho hum.

He also carries a number of battle chips and battle cards that unlock special powers depending on their properties. These can range from swords, to more powerful blasters, to temporary speed boosts, and even the ability to bend earthly elements.

I can bend that and extraterrestrial elements.

I look warily at Discord before continuing. Megaman is somehow immune to magic that targets humans. Such was made apparent when a pack of ancient lion people attempted to turn the entirety of mankind into anthropomorphic lions.

Pfft. Kitties have got nothing on the creatures packing behind my magic.

He is also apparently savvy enough with other robotics to the point that he can reprogram them with just a few button presses.

Ooh, that reminds me...

Don't even think about it, buster!

*crosses claw behind back* That was the farthest thing from my mind. Besides, if Megaman is so great, why can't he survive a small pinprick caused by a small spike?

Dr. Wily was insane with spikes. I wouldn't put it past the guy to install instant shutdown chips into each and every one of them.

Fair enough.

"I am more than a robot!"

---Death Battle---

Discord
-Draconequus
-Head of a horse and body made of all sorts of creatures
-One snap changes any and all of reality around him
-Has started to develop a bond with Fluttershy
-Takes some things seriously, but never what you'd expect
-Has a superiority complex
-Has been remixed one too many times

"What fun is there in making sense?"

"One too many times"? I think we can still milk this song for all it is worth.

Oh my gosh. *facedesk sound effect* It's worse than being rick-rolled.

~I'm never gonna give you up, but I won't let it stop. I'm gonna pull up on all the strings. I'm never gonna let you down, and I will leave the crown for all the trouble that it brings. You can't sit idly, even though I'll never hurt you. Go ahead and curse 'cause I'm behind it all.~

*banging against wall sound effect repeated several times*

What's the matter, A.I.-chan?

You know the longer you keep going, the more I start to understand the director's reasoning for disliking you.

Hey, it's not my fault that I'm a mostly empathy-free prick that likes to push every pony's buttons. It's the writers.

Yeah, right. You know darn well that no writer can hope to control you.

*shing* Plunderseed?

-_- No thanks. I'm on a strict diet.

*mouthful* Suit yourself.

"Wait a minute! Where's my throne?"

---Death Battle---

Very well, our combatants are set. Shall we settle this debate properly?

If by properly you mean that I'm going to enjoy toying with my opponent until his inevitable deletion, then yes. Let's 'settle this properly' through a Death Battle! *snap*

---Death Battle---

Adjusting speaker output to "narrator clone". *click*

The ground is set up to resemble cubic rocks. A blue light ports down right in the middle of it. The light spreads out into a large sphere. It then dissipates to reveal a man's face on a body of blue, mechanical parts.

Just opposite of him, something burrows up out of the ground. An elephant sound effect is played as a draconequus lifts their limbs to the sky. Lightning flashes while sheep "baa" offscreen.

"FIGHT!"

Megaman runs forth with an 8-bit squeaking noise coming from each step. He lifts his arm forward and fires three energy shots. Discord comically pulls a construction worker's hat out of nowhere and puts it on. Instantly, he shrinks down and the hard hat falls onto the ground. The shots seem to disappear on contact with the helmet.

In the foreground, a rectangular object briefly flashes on screen alongside a close-up shot of Megaman's determined face.

"Cyber Sword, Battle Chip in! Download!"

The robot's blaster arm transforms into a blade made of what looks like light energy. He charges up to the helmet on the ground and takes a sideways swing at it. The helmet gets cut in half and vanishes from sight. But the draconequus is nowhere to be found.

An exclamation point briefly flashes above Megaman's head before he looks to the sky behind him. Discord is floating sky high and appears to be conjuring several logs. The decapitated wood pieces fall in arcs in the blue rock's direction.

A flat rectangle flashes in the foreground this time.

"Battle Card, Predation! Fire Bazooka!"

Megaman's arm transforms into a large red-orange weapon. He aims it up and fires a few rounds. The resulting contact of projectile and wood creates a sky full of fire. Though, the length of this inferno doesn't last very long. Soon, all that's left is a rainfall of ashes and black debris.

Discord chuckles as he snaps his eagle claw. This time, a number of anvils start falling left and right. Megaman responds by opening a menu off to the side and selecting a new letter. The menu disappears and his body changes from blue to a slightly tanner color. Megaman thrusts his arm around and sharp buzzsaw disks fly up and around him. The anvils that were too close for comfort are instantly chopped in half and the pieces land safely away from Megaman.

The draconequus suddenly grows a bunch of limbs and catches some of the spare disks. He teleports to about ground level before tossing all the disks like frisbees. Megaman surprisingly runs toward the incoming danger. He jumps over two of the blades, ducks down and slide kicks underneath four consecutive blades, and then spins like a top to the side of the last three disks.

The robot's colors change back to blue as he jumps forth. The sound of his Megabuster charging up fills the sound of the viewers using stereo. Discord's yellow eyeballs with red pupils actually look frightened for once.

Yeah, no. That's not happening.

Wait, what?

---Death Battle---

*click* What are you doing? The battle isn't over yet.

Let me just make a few adjustments here, here, and move that handsome devil out of the way, and... done.

What the...? You left Megaman paused alone inside Spike-Wall Man?!

Oh, what are you going to do about it, huh? I can do whatever I feel like and you can't stop me.

*Breep!*

What? Mega?! How'd you get in here?

Oh, look. His Megabuster is at full charge.

Where did that hole in the chapter's fabric come from?

A/N: *pant* *pant* That *pant* was for *pant* my dick.

... I don't like how my death is becoming a thing.

The blast hits Discord right in the face, rendering the rest of his body limp before it dissipates into a separating cluster of light orbs.

"Victory!"

---Death Battle---

With the help of Megaman's use of Cutman's weapon, the director and I relieve B and W from captivity.

Ugh! Ptooey! That gag tasted butt-awful.

Blegh! I know. Mine tasted like my father's sweaty palms. I can't imagine what yours tasted like.

Like my ex-wife's *ss.

That explains so much and yet so little.

So, you want to take a crack at wrapping this up?

Gladly. Discord's arsenal was literally everything at his disposal, but Megaman had a counter to everything he faced. The versatility worked in both combatants' favors.

However, Discord has a tendency to blow off just how serious a situation really is. Heck, he couldn't even see betrayal that one time he decided to team up with another bad dude.

And his arrogance prevented him from seeing exactly what his opponents could offer against him when he really needed to be paying attention.

Thanks, Mega. You Rock! (See what I did there?)

The winner is Megaman.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Even if I had been planning on getting in bed with someone before, I'm definitely not now. :fluttercry:

Side Battle: Can You Race With All The Yellow Of The Wind

To ensure that you can read certain colors, it is recommended that you set the "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

Why am I still making these? I guess I've still got an inner savage to feed.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and CaptainHoers.

A/N: Congratulations. You're our third narrator so far.

The third? What happened to the other two?

A/N: Well, the first one blackmailed two of our combatants. He had to be punished via green paint makeover, courtesy of Rarity and Amy Rose. Then... well... Discord killed the second narrator.

Wait... Discord actually killed somebody?!

A/N: I know. I didn't see it coming either.

*sigh* I can't believe I thought answering the 'help wanted' ad was a good idea.

A/N: Hey, relax. Your predecessor lasted for nearly one and a half seasons. If you still feel in danger by the time Season 4 starts, you can leave without any strings attached.

Forgive me if I withhold my relief.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 1

Must a captain be a sailor of the sea or is that just a side benefit?

The competition for fastest in the universe is swift and fierce.

This couldn't be any more true than for Sonic and Rainbow Dash's flying rivals.

Jet the Hawk of the Babylon Rogues...

... and Spitfire the Pegasus as told by CaptainHoers. She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Spitfire
-Martial artist
-Racing flyer
-Graffiti specialist
-Rocket boots
-Super endurance
-Defiance of ridiculously cartoonish authorities

The footage cuts in the middle of Spitfire chasing after Lightning Dust across the water.

The Wonderbolts are possibly more impressive in these mini-videos than they'll ever be in the show.

Depicted as one of the best professional flyers, Spitfire can reach speeds of over one thousand one hundred kilometers per hour.

Kilometers? I hate the metric system! What's that in normal units?

*sigh* A simple calculation would tell you that it's over six hundred miles per hour.

F takes a drag from his cigarette.

My intelligence is beyond the lowly scope of math.

And yet you were the one that figured out that seven hundred sixty-five pancakes would be needed to cover an entire roof in that question regarding trees falling in the forest and a lack of charcoal.

F suddenly inhales his little bad habit and has a choking fit. He coughs it out a second later.

Whew. *Ahem* That's irrelevant.

Anyway...

Spitfire isn't a goodie four-shoes that solely collects her paycheck through racing performance. In her spare time, she speeds down the city streets on rocket-propelled boots just to leave yellow spray paint trails all over the place.

Her understanding of martial arts was enough to keep up a pace and overcome the aggressive Lightning Dust in a fight to the finish.

Her endurance is enough to survive a five hundred mph impact with a solid wall with little more damage than a chipped tooth. Plus, a vertical climb at her top speed can create a bright yellow flash similar in splendor as the Sonic Rainboom.

Whether she's a captain on duty or a hoodlum on the run, Spitfire is a force to be reckoned with.

Meh, Luna could do it better.

How did I know you were going to say that?

Instead of saying something, Spitfire simply spray paints a "Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By" test image on a helicopter's windshield.

---Death Battle---

Jet
-Extreme Gear (hoverboard)
-Goggles (that he rarely puts over his eyes)
-Stainless feathers
-Quick to anger
-Impatient
-Was a forgettable extra in the multiplayer of Sonic and the Black Knight

"Hah, you're lucky you got this far. It obviously wasn't due to your skills!"

Oh my g**d. His voice is *eff*ing annoying.

Jet is an anthro hawk and the green leader of the Babylon Rogues. He's backed by Wave the Swallow and Storm the Albatross, for brains and brawn respectively. They're professional thieves as well as aircraft pilots.

But... they're birds. Why the hell would birds need to pilot zeppelins?

It's mostly just for a traveling home. Jet's preferred transport is Extreme Gear, hoverboard technology that can be used to reach speeds up to three hundred mph.

This featherbrain keeps making the claim that he's faster than Sonic and takes every opportunity to try and prove this in spite of the fact that Sonic can reach speeds over seven hundred mph without the help of hoverboards.

He does have a bit of a pride issue. His ancestry stems from the ancient Babylonians of the floating city, Babylon Garden. He also carries the bad luck of awakening ancient evil genies and black hole generating robots in his quest for riches and glory.

Well, he's not completely helpless. When push comes to shove, he can pull giant razored leaves out of his *ss and beat the s*** out of any racer dumb enough to get in his way.

Uh... yeah. He can also build up momentum from the turbulence created by other speeding objects to perform X-game levels of tricks and flips.

Kind of like Tony Ha-... Oh, I see what they did there. Hah! Sega, you guys are hilarious.

"You see, to be the fastest on a Gear, you have to become one with the wind!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

How appropriate, the arena takes the form of a giant, city-wide racetrack. Lights flash rapidly all over the place, making this the worst nightmare for energy-savers everywhere. The combatants stand at a starting line. The suited pegasus pony unfurls her wings. The hawk with shoes tosses up his board before it floats down for him to jump on. It lets out a slight whirring noise as it hovers just a few inches above the road.

"3... 2... 1... GO!"

The combatants rush out of the starting gate. They both burst through a couple of item jars that are in the way. Jet hovers through a trail of rings. Spitfire attaches her acquired spray can to a small metal brace on her right hoof. Both of them keep up their speed as they approach the first ramp.

Spitfire flies along a low arc path as the slow motion camera zooms in just above her position. At that point in time, Jet performs a backflip while holding out his left hand. All of his fingers are curled except the middle one. Underneath her goggles, it can be seen that Spitfire simply lifts an eyebrow at Jet's action.

At the next section of racetrack, the visual view returns them to their actual speeds. They rush around a corner in flashes of yellow and green. Suddenly, Jet pulls out a couple of giant leaves out of nowhere. He swats one of them against his opponent beside him. The unsuspecting pegasus is sent hurtling into an invisible barrier at the side of the track.

"Bye!" hollers Jet before kicking against his Extreme Gear. "Gear change!"

Something in the hoverboard flashes as Jet rides toward a yellow rail. With a light jump, he starts grinding along the rail to another section of the track.

Meanwhile, Spitfire shakes off the pain. She taps her goggles in annoyance before flying off in a rush. Jet looks behind him. He is laughing to himself when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Confused, he turns his head to see an unamused Spitfire flapping her wings while moving backwards in front of him.

Before the hawk can get out a startled squawk, the pegasus performs a spinning kick right into his beak. She follows up with a few quick jabs and a flying uppercut. Jet is sent soaring smack into a floating advertisement. His hoverboard ends up abandoned on the track.

Satisfied for the moment, Spitfire zooms around the track for three complete laps. She then flies up to where Jet is groaning in pain. She shakes her right hoof before spraying the entire billboard with a new advertisement. The announcer is courteous enough to read it out loud for the audience.

"SPITFIRE WAZ HERE!"

---Death Battle---

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jet may have a stronger choice of melee weapons, but that wasn't enough.

Wo ho ho! Wah ha ha ha ha ha!

Spitfire had twice as much speed, a broader experience in physical combat, and a much higher invulnerability level than Jet.

Ha ha ha ha ha! She spelled "was" with a "Z"! Ah ha ha ha ha!

The winner is Spitfire.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"But here I am, surrounded by death, arguing philosophy with terrorists."

Author's Note

It's a brand new day.

Shield & Sword

For optimal viewing experience, please make sure that the "Formatting" is set to "Dark" as opposed to "Light". Thank you.

I don't know how well I can pull this off, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Konami, and Kojima Productions.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 2

A true warrior makes good use of his hands. You use both for your weapon. Impressive.

If there's one thing that the video game universe tries to prove, it's that swords are just as deadly and impressive as the typical gun.

And if there's anything that cartoons try to teach us, it's that shields are still a relevant defense in the modern era.

Is the best defense a good offense?

Or is the best offense a good defense?

The most over-the-top sword will be carried by Raiden from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

Defending the title of best shield will be Shining Armor from Equestria.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Raiden
-AKA Jack the Ripper, White Devil, Snake, Mr. Lightning Bolt
-Calm under pressure, adaptive, and somewhat critical
-Superhuman strength, speed, and endurance
-A cyborg made of steel and artificial muscle fibers
-Optical implants to display things in a HUD
-Weapon: High-frequency blade
-Believes that he is only useful in the battlefield; believes he has no free will

"One sword keeps another in the sheathe."

Jack is a Liberian-American, formerly a soldier in the special forces. He is the adopted son of Solidus and currently operates as a mercenary.

He reminds me of John-117 "Master Chief" because of his harsh puberty in being transferred to FOXHOUND and everything that happened to him after that. Even as a child soldier, Jack started racking up the kills and slicing up throats. This, among other things, earned him the cute nickname "Jack the Ripper".

During the Big Shell Incident, Jack was briefly given the codename "Snake" before the Colonel chose to refer to him as Raiden to avoid confusion with the terrorist leader who was also using the name "Solid Snake" at the time.

~'Cause I'm Solid Snake. Yes, I'm the real Solid. Now would you do me a solid and let the real Solid Snake please sneak up. Please sneak up, hiding in a cardboard box.~

*ahem* Late in the Big Shell Incident, Jack had to utilize a High-Frequency (HF) Blade. Doing so piqued his interest in the Japanese art of swordsmanship and honor.

Just think how much more awesome that katana could be if it was made of light saber. Oh ho ho, man. The things I would do with that vibrating toy.

But while working with the Paradise Lost Army, Jack was captured and forced to undergo several cybernetic experiments. The PLA eventually rescued him and Dr. Drago Madnar was able to perform the surgery necessary to remove the nanomachines from his body. However, the implanted enhancements were too deeply embedded to safely remove. Unable to resume normal life, Raiden vanished from the life of his fiancee Rose.

Yeah, there are just some things that don't feel the same when you do it with a machine.

Despite his heavy backstory, Raiden is usually calm under pressure and can adapt quickly to new situations. Though, there are times where he can be overly critical regarding himself and others.

His weapon of choice is the HF Blade which can break down molecular bonds. In his hands, this sword can cut through just about anything, though it can't immediately sever nerve endings that are purely electrical like Monsoon's.

Thanks to his studying of the samurai, Raiden has mastered this sword to its fullest potential. With the right pressure points, he can finish off the toughest of obstacles in twenty quick strikes.

If plain old slashing and stabbing don't work, he can catch his enemy off guard by stabbing right through himself to perform a fake-out suicide and take them with him. His steel and artificial muscle fibers prevent instant death from even the sword.

He occasionally carries EMP grenades, but usually prefers to rely on his sword to get the job done. He is strong enough to lift several tons, and much faster and more endurant than any normal human being.

But man, oh man. This guy can get messed up in the head really easily. His left arm was directly connected to this cyborg's cranial nerves and caused him to have intense flashback moments when it was removed. Not to mention, his eyes glow red when his optical implants sense his deadly maneuvers or insane laughter.

... You want those red optical implants, don't you?

Well, duh.

"I think it's time for Jack... to let 'er rip!"

---Death Battle---

Shining Armor
-Known to Twilight as her BBBFF
-Captain of the Royal Guard; Prince of the Crystal Empire
-Unicorn with extremely high level defensive spells
-Can maintain a barrier spell the size of Canterlot
-Also has levitation and magic beam options
-Often needs saving by Cadance and/or Twilight
-Suffered casualties against three of Equestria's supervillains (Chrysalis' brainwashing, Sombra's horn-blocking rocks, and Tirek's magic-stealing power)

"The burden of keeping Canterlot safe and secure rests squarely on my shoulders."

Shining Armor is a unicorn who was born and raised in Canterlot. He trained in and eventually rose to the rank of Captain of the Royal Guard.

You know, for somebody who is supposed to be a best friend to his only sister, she sure didn't talk about him a whole lot for the first half of the year she spent away from home.

By way of marriage to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and later a discovery of a lost civilization, Shining Armor now presides as Prince of the Crystal Empire.

Never once, in all of his royal duties, has he ever lost his surfer dude accent.

Through his life and his training, Shining Armor has mastered high levels of defensive spells. His largest magical force field is enough to circle around the entire city of Canterlot and can hold back several invading enemies at once. While his offensive options are a bit lackluster, he can still fire beams of magic and levitate objects as well as any other unicorn can.

His power isn't just in that forehead boner. He's got enough back strength to lift and toss his own wife like a javelin. You've got to have something under that skin if you're going to throw someone that's about equal to your own weight.

Shining Armor has a rather lousy win-loss ratio. Three out of five major villains have been able to put him out of commission in some way, leaving someone else to pick up the slack.

To be fair, though, these were the kind of enemies that required Deus Ex levels of solutions in order to ultimately vanquish. How many succubi, shade-demon ponies, and giant *eff*ing centaurs have you killed without an *ss load of luck and convenience on your side? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Are you implying that you could take them on?

Don't be stupid, W. I know my limit, and it's one blood-sucking ex-wife with a shotgun tied behind my back.

Fair enough.

"Come on, gang! Are we gonna gallop, or are we gonna trot!?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The newly built, life-sized model of Counterfeitlot acts as the source of action today. At about the city's center stands one proud, armored stallion. An aura of pink is released skyward from his horn. After a few seconds, the stream spreads out to cover every inch of the city. It shimmers a bit before settling as one giant force field.

A helicopter beats the outside air into submission as it flies toward the scene. As it comes within twenty feet of the edge of the force field, a blurred something jumps out of the whirlybird's side. It's difficult to tell from this angle, but it kind of looks like a man wearing thin, black armor. Little does the audience know that this is really his cybernetic body and joints.

...

Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that.

The cyborg taps lightly on one side of his head. A small holographic screen illuminates in front of his face, revealing an elderly man of sorts with glasses.

"I see the target, Doktor," mutters the first man, "but does it really pose a threat?"

"Oh, yes," insists Wilhelm Voigt on the other end, "It's a hazard code white. Your mission is to eliminate the target."

"Fine," says the cyborg while shutting off his HUD screen. "I wanted to kill something anyway."

Back at the base, Doktor smiles lightly at the hung up screen. His eyes illuminate in a sickly green. A nearby shadowy figure laughs like an autotuned Trixie.

"Yes, Shining Armor," the figure coos, "Let's see how well your ridiculous sentiment works against this."

"FIGHT!"

Swiftly, Raiden pulls out his sword. He stands poised at ground level... well, the ground of the cliff on the mountainside. Anyway, three straight lines shine brightly, indicating his quick swings. He holds that finishing pose for a second. One crack along the force field multiplies into three, nine, and finally twenty-seven. A crashing noise gives way to a gaping hole in the shield. Raiden rushes in.

Shining Armor gasps as his opponent stands at the other end of the road. Jack lets out a quick chuckle before tossing in what looks like a small fragment. Shining Armor gallops in one direction as the object bursts with a loud bang. The cyborg gives chase after the pony.

A few auras of pink send various objects flying behind Shining. But Raiden's eyes key in, giving the illusion of time slowing down. Two significant points let the sword slice a barrel to ribbons. One more point pierces a box into smithereens. Without even blinking, Raiden slashes through the next object in seven key areas. The results are the scattered remains of a vegetable cart.

"My cab-!" a nearby pony yells before taking a good look at the nearby cyborg. He then proceeds to toss the one leafy green in his possession. "Oh, forget it."

Just for fun, Raiden slices that cabbage neatly into halves before continuing his afternoon jog. Meanwhile, Shining Armor is breathing heavily at the side of another road.

"So, you done running yet?" calls Raiden.

Even though he pants, Shining Armor doesn't lose the determination in his eyes.

Raiden resumes his smirk as a metal mask slides over his eyes. "Don't worry. This won't hurt... much."

As the cyborg quickly runs forward with his sword at the ready, the unicorn concentrates a lot of magic at a single point. It is then released as a relatively small pink shield around himself. Within about a foot's reach, Raiden's quick actions go to work. He audibly grunts with every rapid swing from his sword against that shield. A loud clang can be heard with each collision. Shining Armor grunts, holding onto his concentration for life.

The screen goes dark upon the sound of something shattering.

A lot of swirling air can be heard as a sword's tip is driven into the ground a few feet away. Raiden grunts questioningly as he switches up his attack. He frees up his fists as something crackles through his artificial muscle fibers. He starts punching the shield at a rate that would make Neo from the Matrix jealous. Shining Armor crouches a little, but his shield holds fast.

The screen blacks out again when something snaps.

Cybernetic arms fling out away from the combatants. Raiden suddenly opens his mouth and starts saying some incoherent nonsense as he falls to his knees. Shining Armor releases his shield and focuses a different spell. This one shoots out in a thin stream and right through the uncovered parts of Raiden's face.

The cyborg is flung across the street onto his back. He screams no more.

Jack... Jack? Jack!

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Dang, did you see how many pieces he cut all of that debris into?

Raiden's strength alone is intense. After making a few readjustments for error, we've determined that the average swing from his sword can have a force of impact of 17 million newtons. This one strike would be strong enough to break the 16 million newton limit that 1000 changelings took four minutes to break.

Hey, Chryssy? How 'bout you try cyborgs next time?

However, this only accounts for Shining Armor's city-wide shield that covered all of Canterlot. If he were to make a shield much smaller, say just around himself, he could concentrate a much larger portion of his magic and therefore make it denser. A shield big enough to contain him would withstand a force of 6.2 billion newtons. Even Raiden's maximum power strike of 57 million newtons wouldn't be enough to break such a highly concentrated defense.

Even if he did use that much force, his sword and arm would break long before the shield would.

As we've said before, losing his arms has a severe flashback effect on Raiden's mental state which left him wide open. That's not even accounting that Raiden's other options were unsuitable for this fight since EMP grenades were designed to take out electronic equipment, not living ponies.

Looks like Mr. Lightning Bolt just struck out.

The winner is Shining Armor.

Author's Note

Good gosh. :ajsleepy: Arrell makes real math look so easy. I give props to the guy for having the patience to pour hours into his research that he's done so far.

Unrelated note: I was actually kind of rooting for Raiden in this fight. But just because I want someone to win doesn't always mean that they will.

Dare to be Stupid

For optimal colored text reading, please set "Formatting" to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Medically speaking, stupidity isn't a virus. However, studies have shown that it can spread like one.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Mirage Studios, and 4Kids Entertainment.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 3

Come on. Say it.

No.

Just say it.

There is no way that is happening.

You put up with me every day of your life. How is this any different?

Because unlike you, my cybernetic arm can't malfunction enough to punch them.

Fine, you pansy. I'll say it. *ahem* It's time to get retarded in here. The brawn sometimes trumps the brain. Let's dare to be stupid with these contestants in the arena today. There! Now can you read a line?

*sigh* Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles...

... and Snips and Snails, the ones that give boy pony toys a bad name.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Snips & Snails
-Unicorns
-Trixie's biggest fans
-Ex-minions to Sunset Shimmer
-An illumination spell that sounds like an old car engine; no other known spells
-Ability to mimic the actions of scissors and snails
-Mentally challenged

"Gangway! Coming through!"

Ugh...

What's wrong with you? You've been acting like a goth b**** all day, only not as hot.

All right, here's my confession: I have athazagoraphobia.

Azagor-humina what now?

I'm afraid that I'm going to lose intelligence simply by talking about idiots.

Well, if you want me to use my personal charm to make the information sound smarter-er, I'll gladly do so.

Go ahead, B. I won't stop you.

*Ahem* Snips and Snails are not just ingredients for making little boys, they literally are little pony boys. They attend elementary school in the constantly danger-prone city of Ponyville. When they aren't running from Ursa Minors, they're busy trying to pry their *ss*s free from the deadly bubblegum. They also fanboy over Trixie and/or Rainbow Dash depending on when the plot demands it.

W sharply inhales before breathing out.

They... aren't exactly the brightest duo.

While both of them are magical unicorn horses, the only one that has shown any sign of spells is Snails with his busted battery flashlight that sounds like your great grandfather's car engine.

They have... minimal stealth skills. Snips can imitate a pair of opening and closing scissors while Snails can crawl along the ground... like a worm. O...kay.

Once, they even thought that they stood a chance of carrying the flag for Ponyville in the Equestrian Games.

"Hey! It could happen."

Only on the Hub.

W performs a facepalm and groans.

---Death Battle---

Michelangelo
-Mutated turtle
-Orange ninja mask
-Laziest student under Master Splinter
-Weapons: Nunchaku
-Was last to graduate to chunin level in "Fast Forward" arc
-Occasionally takes on the title of "Turtle Titan" which has nothing to do with "Teen Titans" or "Attack on Titan"

"Ho ho! Somebody's cranky!"

Well, how am I supposed to react when I'm surrounded by idiots?

You could try spouting a lot of technobabble gibberish that nobody understands. That usually makes you feel better.

No amount of logic and reasoning can make up for this mess on the end of Leonardo's ninjaken.

Okay, guess I'm doing most of the talking here too. Mikey has the poorest stats of all the Ninja Turtles. He's slower, weaker, and lacks the ability to pay attention. I'm pretty sure he's on drugs due to his strange eating habits.

He's not high. He's stupid. There is a difference.

Well, whatever. He carries around two nunchaku, grain threshers that were redesigned for momentum-based attacks against the oppressive samurai lords. Despite his lack of interest, he somehow paid enough attention to Splinter's ninja training to learn internal breathing and basic attack dodging. On his own, Mikey's learned how to annoy, taunt, and pester his opponents into frustration and lack of patience. It's surprisingly effective as it lets him get in the final strike after his enemies waste all of their energy just trying to get him to shut up.

Why am I suddenly craving turtle soup?

But in spite of all signs pointing to it, he's not a complete dumb**s. ... Okay, he is, but he has smart epiphanies every once in a while. He can think outside of the normal peripherals of a situation and use his snarky remarks to make situations more favorable. In one iteration, he even overcame the seven-year bad luck curse of breaking a mirror just to pass his chunin exam.

I'm still not cheering for him to win this battle.

"Taking away your opponent's sight equals invisibility."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A hazy overcast evening decorates the sky of a random street in the artificial city arena. Even though the night life should be starting soon, there isn't a single car in sight. Instead, there are eight stubby legs padding the ground as they carry the blue and yellow bodies attached to them.

The small, blue creature speaks up. "Are you sure you're reading that map right?"

"Uh... yeah... er..." The yellow one scrunches his face in various expressions while shuffling a piece of paper around in his front hooves. "It'd be a lot easier if they didn't draw everything on it upside-down."

Right now, a nearby manhole cover pops up and lands like a spinning coin along the street. A greenish blur rushes out, startling the two ponies so much that their map gets thrown offscreen. Whatever it is performs the stretches that only a biped can. It takes a few seconds before realizing that two abnormal visitors are watching.

"Uh-oh," he mutters before slowly reaching for a couple of things under his shell.

"FIGHT!"

Michelangelo's nunchaku are immediately whirring around above his head. He makes a running start at the witnesses. Snips and Snails yelp at his approach. The slow-motion cameraman goes to work early. The screen splits to show Snails crouching under one swing, Snips leaping to the side of another swing, and both of them getting whacked away by a third.

The colts huddle behind a crate.

"Snails, do something!" exclaims Snips frantically.

"Isn't cowering in fear doing something?" Snails asks shakily.

"I meant something else," insists Snips.

Suddenly Snails slides out to the left while facing the turtle. In lieu of an eyebrow, part of the orange mask raises against Mikey's face. The little pony clenches his teeth while something briefly lights up against his horn. It goes on and off while the sound effects guy has fun with the "car ignition" file.

Confused, the ninja turtle leans in to take a closer look at the struggling light in the dark street. The sound effects finally give way to a successfully starting engine as the small light suddenly shines much brighter. Michelangelo quickly lifts up an arm to protect his eyes, though not without yelling about being blind.

Snips comes out from behind the crate to cheer on his pal. Frantically, Mikey swings out a few kicks in the general direction of the light. The last of which somehow boots Snails in the head. An engine pops in the sound booth as the illumination spell is stopped short. Snails shakes his head from the dizziness. Meanwhile, Mikey finally rubs his eyes enough to see again.

The ponies and turtle give each other curious looks. Snips and Snails break the stare first by screaming again. Their manes fly wild as they gallop away with zipline effects.

"Got away safely!"

Michelangelo gives his nunchakus a couple good spins before putting them away. He does a few backflips before dropping back into the sewer.

"Guys, you're never going to believe this!" his voice exclaims. "I just fought two little unicorns!"

There's an awkward silence.

"Michelangelo," says Splinter, "no more anchovies before bed."

---Death Battle---

Did we really just do that? I mean, did we really just do that?

Heh heh, yep!

W sighs.

I'm really not sure what to say. In spite of Michelangelo's lack of paying attention to his lessons, his sheer potential as a quick ninja was that much better than the two whom haven't even begun to learn their basic traits and abilities.

I mean really, that light spell was practically all they had going for them. While Mikey would be dumb enough to look right at the darn thing, his wild flailing tends to do a lot more harm to his enemies than it does to himself.

I guess the punchline of this fight is a bit more orange.

The winner is Mikey! ... Hey, wait a minute.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

How do you tell when you're reeling back in someone's expectations or just plain old disappointing your audience?

Another Mouse Bites the Dust

For optimal reading, please set the "Formatting" in the top right to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: A death via blender is just plain stupid. Let's give him a slightly more appropriate ending.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nintendo, and Game Freak.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 4

Fast as lightning and ferocity to match, their very presence can bend the weather to their whim.

It's time to bring back the face of Pokemon Yellow, Pikachu.

He'll be putting his speed and electricity to the test against the Wonderbolt Academy dropout, Lightning Dust.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Pikachu
-Pokedex entry #25; The electric mouse Pokemon
-Height: 1'4"; Weight: 13.2 lbs
-Ability: Static, paralyzes foes upon contact
-HP: 182 (Below avg); Attack: 144 (Avg); Defense: 108 (Below avg); Sp. Attack: 123 (Avg); Sp. Defense: 80 (Below Avg); Speed: 291 (Above Avg)
-Likes: Ketchup, blowing up Team Rocket; Dislikes: Being inside its Poke Ball, Thunderstones
-Moves: Thunderbolt, Thunder, Quick Attack, Iron Tail, Electro Ball, Volt Tackle

"Chu... Pika!"

Weighing sixteen kilograms and standing barely over a foot tall, Pikachu is Ash Ketchum's first Pokemon and a loyal shoulder companion. They've been through several adventures together. A lot of which would create PTSD conditions in a normal 10-year-old child.

Though, he didn't start out that way. That mouse used to be a dick who loved zapping anybody that moved, hated Poke Balls, and refused to evolve. Two of those three still apply. Scratch that! All three of those still apply.

Throughout most of his ventures, Pikachu's EV training has been inconsistent.

Hold on a minute. When did Eevee become a part of this conversation?

EV stands for Effort Value and is dependent on different conditions whenever a Pokemon levels up. Based on observation and inference, we've compiled some estimated values. His health, defense and special defense are all pretty poor but his speed makes up for those tremendously.

Pikachu's not just quick on his feet. He's got two sacks of electricity stored in those adorable red cheeks. They're the source of his electric attacks like Thunderbolt or the way more powerful Thunder. He's also got the strange Electro Ball which actually does more damage when the enemy is slower.

Quick Attack is a priority move that strikes enemies before they can react and Iron Tail acts as Pikachu's ace against Rock-type Pokemon.

When he needs a finisher, he pulls out his ultimate attack: Volt Tackle!

The Volt Tackle is practically strong enough to dominate his opponents. However, there is a huge drawback. Pikachu must sacrifice one third of its maximum health points just to pull it off.

Talk about giving up an arm or a leg.

While the fact that it doesn't want to use a Thunderstone to evolve into Raichu still evades my understanding, Pikachu's feats are fairly impressive. One of those accomplishments is battling the legendary Latios to a standstill in Ash's battle against Tobias in the Sinnoh League.

That should've been a win for Ash! Using legendaries in a Pokemon League challenge is for noobs!

Well, it's technically legal.

I know. Who'd you think I was mocking with that over the top hating?

Fair enough.

"Pika...Pikachu."

---Death Battle---

Lightning Dust
-Debut: Season 3, Episode 7; Pegasus pony
-Height: ~4'; Weight: ??
-Flying fast, pushing limits, and being the best
-Can bust clouds with precision kicks
-Can create giant tornados but can't control them
-Lacks consideration and respect for others

"Let me show you what I've got, ma'am."

Lightning Dust was an up-and-coming pegasus pony who dreamed of joining the Wonderbolts.

A lot of her traits seem similar to those of Rainbow Dash, right down to her self-confidence and karate kicks.

Her raw speed talent even exceeded Rainbow Dash's by being able to straighten herself out in less than seven seconds after a maximum level trial on the Dizzitron, which is essentially a centrifuge for flying ponies.

Lightning Dust has broken many academy records, at least according to Spitfire.

However, she has a bit of a superiority complex and often attempts to go far beyond safe measures in terms of her physical limits. She can create large tornados with just her flight speed, but she cannot control their direction after the fact.

She's kind of a dick to fellow cadets and even the captain. Oh, what's that? I almost murdered five of your best friends? Well, they're still alive, so it's not my problem.

She was soon called out for it and demoted from her position as a lead pony. Afterwards, she showed one more similarity to Rainbow Dash in the form of insecurity. There's no knowing if or when she'll return.

If or when? Doesn't that describe more than half of the one-shot characters that show up for a specific plot?

Fair enough, B.

"Not every pony is destined to become a Wonderbolt. Only the best of the best, right?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A partly cloudy day marks the arena in the middle of a grassy landscape. Some tall trees line up here and there. A quick electric guitar solo and riff plays as a lightning-marked trail of turquoise rushes down from the sky to slam to the ground. Dirt clears away to reveal a smirking pony standing tall.

A gentler acoustic guitar plays as the other contestant scampers onto the scene. It lightly scratches behind its own ear before taking a good look ahead. Its red cheeks start gathering a few sparks of what look like static.

The pony chuckles. "This won't even take ten seconds."

"FIGHT!"

Lightning Dust spreads her wings and dashes forth. At the same time, Pikachu scurries on all fours. A white glow surrounds him and he nearly vanishes from the audience's sight. Three smacking noises can be heard as Dust winces against all of them. Pikachu reappears smiling behind her.

The pegasus snorts a little as she leaves behind her trail. A couple more smacks can be heard while we see Pikachu getting bounced around by the greenish-blue blur. Suddenly, sparks start racing around the mouse's body.

"Pika!"

He unleashes the power of Thunder. The spreading range catches Lightning off guard as she gets the jitters mid-flight. She lands on her hooves and shakes her head. Meanwhile, the mouse is busy charging up some more electric charge.

"Chu!"

A Thunderbolt is launched forth and Dust takes another shock. She takes the hint and rushes, flying all over the place. Another Thunderbolt barely misses its mark. Pikachu conjures what looks like an orb of electricity on its tail before launching it skyward. Dust leans left out of the way.

She soars down for a couple more speedy flybys and manages to kick the mouse left and right. Pikachu hops into the air. His tail glows a metallic gray.

"Chu...Pika!"

The Iron Tail collides with Lightning Dust head on and she receives an intimate relationship with the grass. Pikachu backflips before landing on his tail, then drops to his paws. He starts a slow scamper that gets progressively faster and faster. The mouse is completely covered in a whitish-yellow, electric field.

"Pikapikapikapikapikapika!"

Struggling briefly, the pegasus gets back on her hooves. With one flap, she quickly ascends to the sky. Finally opening her eyes, she starts flying around in circles. She gets closer and closer to top speed with each revolution. The very wind bends to her direction, forming a giant tornado.

Something goes wrong for her. Dust starts shaking against the wind's very force. Within seconds, she's sent into a cycle of involuntary backflips several yards away from her creation. As she starts slowing down and regains a bit of control of herself, her lids open to reveal that her eyes are spinning.

Meanwhile at ground level, Pikachu is horrified to find that he can't slow down in time. The tornado sucks him up along with his Volt Tackle's energy. The tornado changes from a colorless cyclone to a swirl of yellow. A couple nearby trees get sucked in too. The audience can barely hear anything except for wind and thunder. A screaming cameraman is flung by as his equipment focuses on the helpless mouse.

After a while, a blur of yellow rushes sideways out of the tornado. Pikachu collides with a still standing tree as a few sparks still race around him. He slides down the trunk as his eyes resemble nothing more than spirals. The mouse lets out a quiet moan as the sparks finally fade.

"Kaa..."

"Pikachu fainted!"

---Death Battle---

D**n! That fight was a rush!

Pikachu's cute demeanor caught Lightning Dust off guard, letting him get in multiple Quick Attacks and even a few of his electric attacks. Even the Iron Tail was not something she could have been prepared for.

But that pony's no slouch when it comes to moving fast either. Not to mention she had the advantage of air mobility.

Now, there might be some calling out how Pikachu's electric attacks didn't outright defeat Dust since she would be considered a "Flying-type". However, pegasi have been proven to be able to take some electric shocks and still remain standing.

Besides, Pikachu takes excess damage in the anime from wings, beaks, and gusts of wind even though Flying-type moves are only supposed to do half of their normal damage against him.

Electro Ball was basically useless since Lightning Dust herself is a fast pony. Volt Tackle could have finished her off if not for her quick reaction time.

While she'd probably get spit out of her own tornado, it doesn't do nearly as much as a third of her maximum health as damage against her.

In the end, Pikachu's ultimate move combined with Lightning Dust's storm finished the job against his terrible defense and stamina.

Looks like Pikachu was really blown away by this battle.

The winner is Lightning Dust.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
...
There is no particular reason why I just said that.

Side Battle: Prince of Blue Heir

To ensure that you can read certain colors, it is recommended that you set the "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: Well, it wasn't quite how I expected to weave a Frozen character in. But I'll roll with it!
Oh, before I forget... Spoiler Alert!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Disney, and Capn_Chryssalid.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 2

There are many fairy tales in which the handsome prince saves the day.

But there are other princes that either do it slightly differently or *eff* that trend entirely.

Prince Hans of the Southern Isle...

... will face Prince Blueblood from a slightly aged, yet still broadly appreciated FiMFiction story "The Best Night Ever".

The fire-color maned unicorn takes a drag from his cigarette.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Hans
-Prince of the Southern Isles; thirteenth in line
-Master of charisma and manipulation
-Carries a sword
-Holds some skill with a crossbow
-Kind of a dick to Elsa and Anna
-Somewhat clumsy

"~Love is an open door. Love is an open (door) door.~"

It was the coronation day on the island kingdom of Arendelle for the older sister Elsa. As younger sister Anna sang about her merry rooftop jumping and cobblestone twirling, she quite literally ran into the equine owned by Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.

At first, he seemed like a typical clueless prince, waiting to find his damsel in distress to rescue and marry. Hell, he even went on a trek through the cold wilderness just to find her.

True love's kiss looked like it was about to save Princess Anna's life, until a creepy grin crossed Hans' face.

It turns out that he was just using the gullible Anna to take steps necessary to become a king.

As the youngest of thirteen royal children, it was very unlikely that he would inherit the rule of the Southern Isles. Instead, he turned to the possibilities of marriage and/or conquest.

Hans has more silver on his tongue than Starscream and the pretty-boy charisma to ensure that no one could possibly guess his malicious intent until it was too late.

He is well-trained in horseback riding and comfortably wields a sword when the need for such an attack arises. He also possesses an extraordinary sense of luck when it comes to aiming a crossbow at the very tip of a chandelier.

Still, he's not perfect on his feet. He's been forced backward into the water at least twice... and that's two times too many.

If it weren't for Anna's love for her sister Elsa, he may very well have been able to claim Arendelle as his own.

Somebody punch that punk's face!

Anna punches Hans overboard, causing him to fall into the water.

Thank you.

---Death Battle---

Blueblood
-Prince of Canterlot by way of a very long line of descendants
-Has relived the day of the Grand Galloping Gala for several thousand "loops"
-Knows the name of every single pony that attended that particular Gala
-Has mastered teleportation, levitation, and various forms of choreography
-Cartographer by trade
-On the fine line between sane and not

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by foals and idiots."

The current Prince Blueblood is number fifty-two in a long line of generations who were named Blueblood. While the genealogy doesn't stem directly from Equestria's ruling princesses, he still considers Celestia and Luna to be his aunts.

Sweet! I can call him a bastard and it would be the truth!

After an embarrassing night at the Grand Galloping Gala, he had hoped to never see anything like it again. Unfortunately, fate had other plans for this charmless prince. The hands of time decided to hit the 24-hour reset button and Blueblood found himself waking up to the radio broadcast of the very morning he wanted to forget.

I wish I had those hands of time. Hell, I'd settle for a finger... specifically a middle finger.

*ahem* But it wasn't just a one-time trip back in time. After several days in a row of similar events repeating themselves, Blueblood figured out that he was reliving the same day of the Gala over and over again. He tried everything from magical removals to curse disenchantments. He even contemplated the idea of releasing Discord from his stone imprisonment just to see if the "loops" would end.

During his loops, he had multiple not useful conversations with Celestia. Surprisingly, she wasn't trolling him. She genuinely had no idea what he was going through. Eventually, he turned to events regarding the Gala itself.

Reliving the same day multiple times and remembering everything from the loops allowed him time and energy to study all sorts of information such as ponies' names, where they would be, and what they would do at any given time. He also got to practice magic in the way of basic teleportation.

Blueblood got his cutie mark for direction and sometimes utilizes it for cartography and political positions all over the map. Though, it took him a while to navigate the map of love.

After planning out certain actions to the slightest detail, he managed to make a Gala night that wasn't perfect, but was enjoyable for himself, the main six, Spike, Celestia, and even Luna.

But none was as beautiful as the genuine bond he forged with Rarity. They shared a similar annoyance to Sapphire Shores' rendition of Equestria Girls while implicitly jumping on the bed the next morning.

"Jumping"? Is that what you call it now?

Well, what would you call it on a Y-7 program?

I'm just surprised that you of all ponies would adhere to such a rating.

... You're right. I shouldn't hold back. Blueblood and Rarity totally f-!

---Please stand by. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.---

A quick shot of static returns to the closing quote.

"Nothing will ruin this night. Now, would my lady enjoy a tour of the Grand Pavilion?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

But first a word from our friends that deliver funny trailers that give away all the plot points.

Coming to your computer screen from that internet user that sounds like an enemy from XCOM...

Some classical instrumental plays over his voice.

... and edited by that other user that sounds like yet another copycat of a certain prismatic pony...

The Best Night Ever

Welcome to Canterlot, a capital city that shares nothing in common with its Monty Python soundalike. Meet Prince Blueblood the Fifty-Second, otherwise known as that one guy everyone hated at the end of Season 1. He wakes up to find that everything's been reset to the previous morning... somehow. (Do they ever specifically explain how time-travel works in this story? I don't remember seeing it.)

Watch him slowly grow more insane as he keeps reliving the same day over and over again. It'll lead to frantic conversations with the main six, one-sided conversations with his aunt, one-and-a-half-sided conversations with his other aunt, suicide attempts, and setting his entire home on fire. (Dude, that's kind of messed up.)

In order to set time forward again, he'll have to make the evening enjoyable not just for the bearers of six magical jewel powers that somehow fix everything but time, but also truly kindle a relationship with the woman who tried to force a love interest the first time he met her. (Wow, that is really messed up.)

Read the phrases from popular soundtracks that would otherwise force you to speed-read if you were actually listening to them like...

The Alarm Clock That Never Ends

~This is Sapphire Shores
Singing Pinkie Pie's song
The song name
That the movies stole~

That old song that only a few of you remember the original singer

~Twistin'!
This isn't something to sing at a ball
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it
Baby!~

And of course the lyrics that die-hard fans give all the credit to Lauren Faust for and not David Ingram like they're supposed to

~Into the Gala
Into the Gala
We are clueless to how this night will go
Reality bites!~

Starring...

Blood Isn't Blue (Blueblood)
Ashleigh Ball From Hey Ocean (Applejack)
Princess In Two More Seasons (Twilight Sparkle)
Wonderbolt Reserve In Three More Seasons (Rainbow Dash)
Assertive One Season Too Early (Fluttershy)
Pink ADHD (Pinkie Pie)
Totally Relevant To The Plot (Celestia)
Don't Call Me Auntie (Luna)
Booze (Soarin and Spitfire)
Why Won't You Stay Broken?! (the alarm clock)
Epic Dragon (Spike)
...and The Platinum Princess In The Sequel (Rarity)

The Best 9001 Nights Ever

Man, I wonder what it would be like to forcibly relive my own wedding day repeatedly.

And now... it's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

We join our princes standing on opposite ends of the screen atop a castle wall. The man pulls out his sword and holds it steady. The stallion makes a surprising move by stripping his suit off completely. He also spits out a rose that was in his teeth for some reason. Their expressions are unreadable.

"FIGHT!"

Hans charges in and prepares to dramatically swing his sword downward. The metal clangs as Blueblood adjusts his horn ever so slightly. The sword and horn shake and rattle as they push for ground. A sudden glow surrounds Blueblood's horn. In a white flash, he vanishes. This leaves Hans to look around wildly for the enemy that is allegedly invisible.

Actually, Blueblood simply teleports behind the man and performs a spinning kick in the process. Hans staggers a bit before turning around to face his enemy. Quickly, he sheathes his sword and pulls out a crossbow. He fires a bolt. Blueblood concentrates his magic and teleports to the side. Hans fires three more bolts in rapid succession. The unicorn flashes in and out of existence to safe areas out of the bolts' targeted spaces.

As the man starts losing patience, he switches weapons again. He holds his sword out to the side as he runs forward. Another teleporting flash brings Blueblood behind Hans. The unicorn prince alters his magic slightly to a different spell. His concentration is heavy and straining now.

Prince Hans finds himself surrounded by a colored aura and floating in the air. He waves his arms and legs around frantically, but he can't control his course. Blueblood's eyes and magic guide the aerial travel. As quickly as it starts, the levitations spell fades. Hans finds himself and his sword falling off the side of the castle wall. He lets out a yell before a loud impact silences him forever.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Woah ho ho! That's definitely not the Blueblood I know and loathe.

Hans did have a better melee weapon, but he is easily caught off guard when it comes to magic and magic-users.

We even saw his sword break upon contact with a fully cursed, ice girl in the movie.

And even though Hans had a ranged option, Blueblood's quick thinking and teleporting kept him out of danger. By the time Hans could focus on his last chance, Blueblood's levitation already had him right where he wanted him.

Looks like Fall came early for Hans.

The winner is Blueblood.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Princesses have risen and fallen. Very few of their meetings are non-crisis related. But without elves in green or knights in shining armor, who shall overcome the other? The answer is coming soon.

Author's Note

I had no idea that my sleep deprivation would produce an "Honest Trailer" to that degree.

In the Heart or in the Head?

For reading certain colors, it would be best to set "Formatting" to "Dark" in the upper right. Thank you.

A/N: I didn't make it in time for Hyrule Warriors, but the inspiration was there all the same.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 5

So they're actually chicks? But where are the breasts?

It's that time again. Distressed damsels will be stripped of their knights to test their individual combat skills against each other.

I'd be willing to help strip them in other ways... if you know what I mean.

Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire.

And Princess Zelda of Hyrule.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Princess Cadance
-Full Name: Mi Amore Cadenza
-Title: The Crystal Princess
-Magic: Restoring pre-existing love; healing spells; levitation; magic beams; shield of hope and love
-Low flight stamina
-Considers a fight with a tatzelwurm and taking care of an ill draconequus exciting
-Ascended from a pegasus pony

"Princess Cadance is fine."

After claiming her title in the Crystal Heart Spell, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza took up some light work including foalsitting the young filly Twilight Sparkle.

Little did they know that the little filly would grow up to be the Princess of the cartoon's subtitle.

Whenever her role takes center stage, it seems that some disaster is threatening Equestria.

Love-sucking horse-bugs, crystal-smoking black horses, and a freaking siphon of a centaur are the most recent. She even had to fight a freaking tatzelwurm of all things! When did this little girl's show become hentai?

Although Cadance was born a pegasus, she has less than average wing stamina.

"To be honest, I'm a little out of practice when it comes to flying."

Do some of those wing-ups that the other magical flying ponies do!

Despite threats overwhelming her on different occasions, she is far from being the helpless pink-dressed damsel in distress for her prince to rescue.

Hell, he needs more rescuing than she does most of the time.

Cadance has a number of spells that help her out when she needs them. Most notably is her unique love magic that acts as a reminder of love that already exists between two ponies. It is also implied that this spell has a slight healing effect to the target.

When she's not blasting at enemies with her stunning magical beams or tossing them aside with levitation, she has a shield made purely out of love and hope. It's perfect for warding off enemies that rely on hatred and fear for several days at a time.

She also has the reflexes to instantly conjure a smaller version of the shield against weaker attacks.

... or a draconequus sneeze.

Evil may rear his ugly head, but that won't be enough to deter The Crystal Princess's optimism.

"And I know just the princess who can stop him."

---Death Battle---

Princess Zelda
-Ruler of Hyrule
-Weapons: Sword, dagger, Light Bow, Light Arrows
-Magic: Minor telekinesis, prophetic dreams, one-way telepathy, healing spells, Farore's Wind (teleport), Nayru's Love (shield), and Din's Fire (pyrokinetic projectiles)
-Bears the Triforce of Wisdom
-Creates faultless disguises; Sheik wields a chain and ninja needles
-Has lost her kingdom several times without actually putting up a fight

Zelda is of Hyrulian descent and ruler of an entire realm.

She grew up being a manipulative b****.

Yes, she has often put a young boy in a green tunic through a number of tasks. But sometimes that's just what she needs to do. Though during her years, she has trained her mind in several forms of magic.

The three goddesses granted her the power to teleport, conjure protective shields, and shoot big balls of fire!

Bearing the Triforce of Wisdom is a testament to her astute mind and increases the power of all her magic.

One of these spells includes turning herself into a ninja that looks like a dude.

Sheik is swift, but loses access to most of Zelda's normal magic, relying instead on a chain whip and pinpoint accurate needles.

While Zelda can carry an impressive sword of royalty, she lacks the skills to do anything beyond flailing it wildly. Instead, her weapon of proficiency is a Light Bow which utilizes her magic to transform ordinary arrows into Light Arrows. They are designed specifically for killing evil.

Usually, she ends up letting Link get the finishing strike against the final boss.

But she's not getting that chance today.

"Now go home, Link!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

In an unusual start, the computer opens up a game screen. ... Why do you have a video game screen?

Final Destination? No. Smashville? No. Norfair? Tempting, but no. Ah, here we go. Yes.

Uh... okay. The screen transitions to a replica of the Bridge of Eldin. There is a pretty sunset in the distance. Though, we could do without the lens flare trying to blind the audience.

Speaking of which, a blinding and green light shimmers on a spot of the bridge. It reveals Princess Zelda in her typical dressy outfit. On another segment of the bridge, a couple wing flaps precede the landing of the other combatant. She gives a small, polite bow as she prepares to face the elf... human... uh... What's Zelda's race again?

"FIGHT!"

Never mind. The signal is already given. Zelda takes the initiative by launching three bursts of Din's Fire. Cadance responds with a quick flash of her horn. As the balls of fire come within a hoof's distance, they suddenly explode as a semi-sphere of translucent blue energy surrounds Cadance. Her force field is pretty fast and repellant.

Farore's Wind surrounds Zelda as she teleports right within inches of Cadance. Zelda holds her arm back a split second before she slaps the pony right in the face. Naturally, Cadance yelps. Unnaturally, she turns around and delivers a buck to Zelda's face. Zelda bounces backwards along the bridge once before teleporting again. She now stands at her position just before the battle started.

Cadance switches to a volley of magical blasts. Light blue is met with light blue as Nayru's Love creates a diamond shape around Zelda. The beams bounce off the shield with three banging sound effects. The shield fades when Zelda pulls out a bow. Her arrow shines brightly in gold light.

The out-of-shape wings give enough lift for Cadance to take to the skies. Thinking just as quickly, however, Zelda aims her bow up in the direction that the alicorn is heading. Cadance braces for impact as the arrow flies her way... and then proceeds to pass right through her without making any markings. A question mark in a thought bubble briefly appears over her head before she decides to take a dive.

Zelda is knocked back by Cadance's swift landing on her position. Though, she quickly regains her bearings and waves some white light in her hands. A unique twinkling noise follows her motion. In an instant, Zelda is replaced by a masked warrior with a red eye illustration on her chest.

Sheik pulls out a whip and lashes it out in front of her. Cadance immediately puts up her force field. The whip bounces off and around the shield every time it swings. The warrior quickly leaps back and starts tossing needles. They bounce off the princess's force field as well.

In one more handful, the audience gets a twinkle where one of Sheik's fingers holds back by a hundredth of a second. Cadance's shield deflects the needles again... all except for one. The impact of the last needle against her leg causes her to wince. Fifty more needles get tossed her way. Ten of which impale themselves along various points along her body. She has to kneel her head down out of the stinging pain.

The twinkling white lights shine again. Zelda takes Sheik's place and pulls out her bow again. This time, her arrow holds no shine. Distracted, Cadance holds still just long enough for Zelda to fire. The sound effect of a the Brawler's punching bag is heard as the arrow implants itself into the pony's neck. This is immediately followed by Cadance spinning head over hoof before bouncing along the bridge a couple of times.

Cadance twitches a bit before collapsing. Zelda performs a curtsy.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Hey look! She can do embroidery, too!

Both combatants had counters to each other's offensive spells. Plus, their respective specialty magics were meant for killing evil, not fellow princesses of light.

Zelda had the advantage of experience and disguise powers at her disposal. As Sheik, she has ninja-like precision and speed. It let her find a weak spot and take full advantage of it.

Poor Cadance has been shown to have a great magical defense, but terrible physical defense and low stamina. Zelda's numerous piercing damage attacks were just a little more than she could handle.

At least Cadance got all the points in the end.

The winner is Princess Zelda.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Peach beats Zelda.
Cadance is on par with Peach.
Zelda beats Cadance.
What kind of messed up version of rock-paper-scissors is this? :rainbowlaugh:

Side Battle: Sound the Siren

I'd recommend setting the "Formatting" to "Dark" as opposed to "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Randomizing match-ups leads to very one-sided battles. Well, handpicking them does too, but... Shut up!
(May contain spoilers.)
The following is made for entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TundraStanza or any of the involved staff. We hope that you can find something to enjoy out of this.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and The Fiery Joker.

~I will burn my bread.~

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 3

Have I ever told you how much I love the toaster oven?

Music is a very common form of battling in various forms of media nowadays. In honor of the Rainbow Rocks movie, this side battle will focus on two equines in the music industry.

And hey, they're both fan fiction if you stop and think about it.

Adagio Dazzle of the Dazzlings' singing band.

And Firebrand, the recasted Element of Generosity.

He's F and I'm N, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Adagio Dazzle
-Formerly a siren
-Banished to the Canterlot High dimension by Starswirl the Bearded
-Leader and lead singer of the Dazzlings
-Feeds off the negative energy of ponies/people quarreling and bickering
-Full power grants her abilities of mind control and summoning a sort of spirit version of her original self
-Does not get along well with her co-singers Aria Blaze and Sonata Dusk
-Loses all power if her necklace is broken/removed

"You'll have to excuse them. They're idiots."

In another conveniently overlooked section of Equestria's history, three sirens caused trouble and plotted to take control with their hypnotic singing.

Fortunately, Starswirl the Bearded banished them to another plane of existence and weakened their terrible powers.

Unfortunately, that other realm happened to be the same world of Canterlot High. This meant that Twilight had to pull out of high school retirement early and reclaim her position as the ugliest purple toothpick of a person.

Adagio Dazzle gains power through the negative energy of people squabbling, feuding, or otherwise arguing. This power is absorbed by her necklace and makes her suggestive songs even more powerful. It can manifest in manipulating the emotions of others or even extra backup singing "ah"s while her actual backup singers focus on other words.

Give her too much of the green meth negativity and she can completely control the minds of an entire crowd.

However, her mind control has no effect on those that can use the magic of friendship and harmony.

Though, who needs an army of zombie teenagers when your full-powered singing can summon a frigging Scott Pilgrim beast in the form of your sea pony self?!

That necklace acts as the source of her power and immediately leaves her should it ever break.

Shoo be doo, mother *eff*er.

"Let's battle."

Hey! Quit stealing my line!

---Death Battle---

Firebrand
-Red unicorn; blonde mane; a flaming note for a cutie mark
-A talent for music and sound amplification
-Bearer of Generosity
-Is an older brother
-Utilizes his surroundings
-Has Royal Guard training

"Yes! I exercise!"

Firebrand, what a perfect name! It's completely different yet simultaneously the exact same thing.

Wait, are you talking about yourse-?

Anyway, the story begins basically in Friendship is Magic Part 1. However, Twilight Sparkle never met our familiar mane five. Instead, she meets five unique stallion citizens of Ponyville. One of which was Mr. Sunshine here.

Um, technically sunshine would be a mane of blues and pinks, not yellow.

Wait, you're not talking about Cele-?

In any case, Firebrand was found worthy of wielding the Element of Generosity in lieu of Rarity. He has eight years of Royal Guard training under his belt that's given him swordsmanship and the capability of analyzing situations.

Not to mention a really buff figure and muscle tone. He can run on sand at a pace that matches some of the fastest pegasi. But I don't think that includes Rainbow Dash during a full speed Sonic Rainboom.

Aside from basic levitation, Firebrand's magic really comes into play when vocals and music are involved. He can literally play an entire orchestral movement... by himself. Woodwind, percussion, brass and strings... it's the works!

And they told me that a one-man band sounded crappy.

Well, it's ear-splitting at the very least. One of his spells can amplify sound of his voice and his instruments to the point that the sheer vibrations from the sound register as a 5.6 on the Richter Scale.

Holy s**t! That's gotta be like 4000 tons of dynamite almost!

While Firebrand can get hot-tempered and fears water, he cares greatly for his younger siblings and will do what he can and must to show his love as the big brother.

Firebrand: The older, wiser, and all-around better version of Joshscorcher.

You didn't have to put it like that.

"... or maybe I'm taking this way too seriously."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A bunch of holograms and shadowy figures stand around. It appears that they're trying to resemble an audience. A stage lights up with a couple large speakers on either side. In the center stands an orange-haired villain, smirking mischievously. There's a brief guitar riff off to the side somewhere as a strange bar appears at the top of the viewer's screen. Bold words that read "Get Ready" are lit up like neon lights before vanishing completely.

A few squiggles start sliding along the strange bar from the right as well as some words underneath them. Adagio starts curving her open lips in various ways.

~Oh woah, oh woah, you didn't know that you fell
Oh woah, oh woah~

"Now that you're under our spell."

The holograms start swaying to her lulling voice as the shadows wave their hands to the invisible drum beat. Lights start changing colors as they circle around the stage. They give Adagio a more intimate and creepy aura about her.

~We say, "Jump!" You say, "How high?"
Put your hands up to the sky~

As the drum picks up a quicker pace, some green smoke starts spreading all along the floor of the crowd. A line that resembles liquid funneling travels up into Adagio's red necklace. It glows red. The singing tone and pace start matching the squiggles at the top with more precision.

Meanwhile, the camera turns one hundred eighty degrees at a stage that is currently shaded out. One lone figure stands while several instruments float into a carefully arranged pattern. The bottom of the screen is suddenly lined with four columns. Each one carries a set of notes catered to certain instrumentation.

During a pause in the squiggles up top, the lights turn on and shine on this second stage. All dressed up and ready to go, Firebrand lights up his horn and taps his conductor's wand against a stand. His horn gives off a great glow as flutes start off playing some introductory chords.

Trumpets and other horns suddenly blare in an outstanding oomph of brass sound. Strings join the flutes for another round of the softer chords. There's a long pause. The brass section blasts in with two slightly different notes. Then, the whole piece starts fitting together with the rest of the percussion.

"You want to battle with music that badly?" asks Adagio before whispering, "Let's battle."

"FIGHT!"

Some of Firebrand's instruments go quiet as more squiggles and words cross the top of the screen. The green smoke starts overflowing from Adagio's necklace. Her back sprouts wings as her hair grows out into a longer tail.

~What we have in store
All we want and more
We will break on through
Now it's time to finish you!~

Adagio starts rising into the air as her necklace and eyes glow bright red. Firebrand focuses on observing his opponent carefully as he attempts to keep his rhythm going strong in all sections. But even he opens his mouth wide at what he sees next. As Adagio's red power threatens to block her from the audience's sight, a stream of yellow flies up and takes the form of a large seahorse with gnashing fangs.

It starts floating around as Adagio continues to sing a series of "oh"s and "ah"s. Firebrand's horn glows a little brighter as his magic directs the percussion section a little more drastically. The vibrations seem to be making Adagio uncomfortable. A few more strums of the violins send a flurry of notes that dance around the giant siren-spirit, threatening to strangle it.

However, a concentrated "ah" of fluctuating tones reverberates from its throat and scatter the note-filled rope. It then proceeds to blast its singing into visibly red sound waves that shake and crack some of the stage of the unicorn's setup. Firebrand's horn briefly stops glowing, but that's all the siren needs to push him back as well as black out the entire woodwind column on the bottom of the screen.

The siren-spirit floats up there in triumph. Firebrand breathes heavily, but he doesn't lose the determination in his stare. After a little glowing of magic and a few quick fixes to the plugs, an electric guitar is set up. He reinvigorates his percussion section and magically amplifies his voice.

"My will to fight the knight!"

The siren looks perturbed by the new noise and electric guitar notes. Firebrand repeats the shouted phrase a couple more times. The cymbals crash as the violins add support to the guitar's melody. The additional blast of sound begins to crumble some of the stage that Adagio stands on. The siren-spirit actually looks scared at the number and force of the new sounds and light effects that are bombarding it from every side imaginable.

There's a brief flash of what looks like a spirit made of red spikes and a sword, but it vanishes as quickly as it appears. The siren-spirit burns black from the momentum before shattering to pieces.

~Will to try, I will meet you eye to eye and I'll survive
Dead of night, feel the power, feel the might and I'm alive
My will to survive~

The red jewel against Adagio's neck cracks in several places before shattering from its string completely. Meanwhile, Firebrand's last push earns enough star power to revive the woodwind section for one last round of harmonious notes.

"My will to fight the knight!"

In a daze, Adagio falls off her stage. The crowd of holograms and shadows turn to Firebrand and cheer wildly. The columns of notes and the singing bar swing out of sight.

"Firebrand, you rock!"

---Death Battle---

Nobody says that it's time to battle except for me!

What about B?

What about B?

Well, it was basically a given that being connected to the Element of Generosity prevented Firebrand from being mind-controlled by Adagio's power. A direct confrontation was inevitable.

Adagio's voice is pretty strong, and pulling a giant seahorse out of her *ss is not to be taken lightly.

However, Firebrand's range of musical talents covers a lot more than just his voice. In addition to the earthquake levels of volume, he was able to direct the entire orchestra even after the slight hiccup. His analysis abilities helped him gauge the best times to pull out more prominent beats and chord progression.

In the end, Adagio couldn't help but fall to pieces.

The winner is Firebrand.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Additional properties belong to Crush 40 and Sega.

Hold Onto Your Hats

It is recommended to set the "Formatting" in the top right to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: Okay, I don't remember who requested this. But it was in the list of suggestions at one point.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Valve.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 6

Spellcasters and magicians take all shapes and sizes. Whether intimidating or goofy, conniving or incompetent, they always have at least one trick up their sleeve.

Oh, thanks for reminding me. I still have to send that apology gift basket to that magician's family.

Wait, what? Oh, right... the one that you mistook what he said as the killing curse.

How many "o"s are in "sorry"? Four, right?

Merasmus from Ghost Fort will be facing off against...

... the supposedly Great and Powerful Trixie. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Merasmus
-Scottish wizard and a brewer of potions
-Claims to be six thousand years old
-The RED Soldier's old roommate
-Book of choice: Bombinomicon
-Teleports cheaply, repels all sticky bombs, sets enemies on fire, rolls bombs at enemies, can turn random enemies' heads into bombs, disguises himself as a random prop and slowly heals over time
-Wields a cane and wears a skull
-Residence: Ghost Fort

"Merasmus the wizard has come for your souls!"

According to the Team Fortress lore, Merasmus the Magician is a six thousand year old Scottish wizard and inventor of the Hat Tonic on August 21, 1861. He eventually moved to the Badlands in the early 1960s.

An adolescent Demoman did the normal thing for a child by going to a freaking wizard's castle for work. He foolishly looked at the pages of the Bombinomicon, forcing Merasmus to remove Demo's eye to save the kid's life. D**n, I guess he does have a reason to drink all that beer.

At one point, the Soldier had been rooming with Merasmus, before getting kicked out for being a nuisance.

Then, he somehow summoned Demoman's own haunted eye as an enemy to fight the RED team. Did this guy play too many Kirby games or something? Eyes don't make good enemies.

He was later framed by the Administrator's assistant for the murder of Sir Thomas John Woodward and falsely imprisoned.

Man, they sure gave him a lot of tattoos just for being in the slammer. Since the Soldier was the real killer, Merasmus wasn't too happy. Now he haunts the Ghost Fort to make Soldier and his fellow teammates suffer the humiliation of blowing up.

Merasmus utilizes the Bombinomicon in the form of pyrokinesis and bombs to roll at enemies. When he appears, enemies and sticky bombs are forced away from his position. Yet, the ground beneath him remains intact.

While Merasmus can strike enemies with his cane, he usually prefers to use teleportation for confusion and delay tactics. As soon as he teleports, some of the enemies that were nearby get their heads magically transformed into bombs with a set time until detonation.

It would be a rather horrifying end if not for the slight drawback. If the bomb head detonates right next to him, Merasmus gets temporarily stunned while the enemy returns to normal and gains invulnerability, increased agility, and a higher chance to deal critical damage.

When Merasmus gets weakened, he turns into a wuss that scrambles props around and becomes a random prop himself. Though, it's kind of funny when someone manages to hit the sucker and Mountain Dew spills out.

That's... not Mountain Dew. That's his blood.

Oh... my bad.

There's one other drawback to Merasmus's Prop Spell. Should any other prop besides himself get attacked, employees of RED or BLU can obtain special candy-filled pumpkins to boost their critical damage percentage.

What's this guy's big evil plan? Is he trying to fatten the Soldier up with candy or something?

Well, whenever he shows up, he makes all checkpoints uncapturable. So, there's that.

Oh, great. Another nuisance character. I'm just brimming with excitement.

It's just like with my/your ex-wife.

Hey, yeah. How'd you know that?

Lucky guess.

"Cower, fools! Merasmus is here!"

---Death Battle---

Trixie
-Unicorn
-Traveling performer magician
-Favorite attire: purple hat and cape decorated with star and moon pattern
-Spells: Levitation, non-lethal lightning (with "tickle" and "startle" settings), conjure bouquet
-Equipment: Smoke bombs, fireworks
-Has a giant ego
-Was claimed as Sethisto's property multiple times

"You'll never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Trixie is the butthurt, traveling street-performer that likes shifting blame of her problems onto Twilight Sparkle. Passersby sprayed graffiti on your cart? Blame Twilight Sparkle. Audience threw tomatoes at you? Blame Twilight Sparkle. Got into a horrible wheel-related accident during your early childhood? Blame shiny vampires.

Uh... you okay, B?

*sigh* Yeah, I'm fine.

We could wait and do this some other time if you want.

No, no, go on ahead. At least if she dies, that'll be one less problem I have to worry about.

All... right. After losing herself to the Alicorn Amulet, Trixie performed an about-face and gained forgiveness for her tyrannical actions against Ponyville. Though, her ego still remained fully intact.

Her main tactic is fleeing under the cover of smoke bombs which are so weak and quick that she doesn't really hide her tracks at all. In an entrance, however, she tries to gain as much attention as possible through her fireworks. Her tricks usually consist of a rope and a bouquet of flowers.

Her magic is mostly for show. It consists of levitation, light bending, and non-lethal lightning which has the ability to either startle or tickle enemies depending on her focus.

"Oh, but what about age-spells and agonizing pain spells?" asked some inevitable comments. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but a lot of the most powerful spells she used required the Alicorn Amulet. Today, we're focusing on both combatants and their most common equipment. Trixie does not normally wear amulets and stuff.

She'd probably act too proudly to depend on it anyway, considering this is Trixie we're talking about.

Well, let's make her fight the fossil of a wizard.

"Don't you think the Great and Apologetic Trixie is the most magnificent, humble pony you've ever seen?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A skull filled with green light appears on screen. The camera slowly pans out to reveal that this skull is actually the top of a large mountain. Various rocks and candles decorate the scenery. A circular checkpoint lights up in blue light. Right at the edge of the circle, a blue hoof stands.

The blue light immediately fades, however, as a new presence teleports in out of freaking nowhere. A cape flaps as the pony wearing it slides back. Meanwhile, a much darker cape hides most of the body of a floating newcomer. The only visible eye motion is the one in his skull cap.

"FIGHT!"

"Cower before Merasmus!" calls the floater with an echoing voice.

Trixie harrumphs. "The Great and Powerful Trixie cowers before no one!"

"Who dares stand against Merasmus the Wizard?!"

"You, a wizard? Hah! Trixie has more powerful magic than any pony else. Anything you can do, I can do better."

"Fool!" shouts Merasmus as he pulls out a book with a strange bulge with string on its cover. "Fear the power held within the Bombinomicon!"

A lighthearted voice emerges from the book itself. "Bombs away!"

Several lit-fused bombs rain from the sky all over the place. Trixie lets out a yelp and gallops around, trying to avoid getting flattened by death from above. The bombs start blowing up. Explosions fill the arena at scattered points.

Trixie's aura levitates her hat out of the way as she casts a separate spell. A small thunderhead pops up just in front of herself. Small lightning bolts snap out of the cloud and shove bombs out of her way just before they explode elsewhere. Unfortunately, this doesn't get all of them. Another bomb detonates right behind her tail and she's knocked clear off her hooves.

The bombs momentarily stop raining from the sky.

"Never challenge a true magician and his tricks!" calls out Merasmus. He teleports to the other side of the map.

Trixie manages to get back on her hooves, but there's a new problem. It's her own head. It's a lit bomb! Trixie's muffled scream can be heard as she panics and gallops around in circles before dashing to the right. Just as Merasmus reappears in the physical plane of existence, Trixie happens to run headfirst into him. An explosion fills the screen.

Merasmus leans over while standing on the ground. Stars spin around his head. Meanwhile, Trixie sits in one spot while rubbing her head. It seems to be back to its proper pony shape. But there's another turn of events. Our sound effects expert thinks that turning on an inappropriate invincibility theme from Super Mario Brothers is funny. Coincidentally, Trixie's entire hide is shining in a crystal-blue coloration.

While the unfitting little tune continues, Trixie growls a bit before activating her magic. A bouquet of flowers appears just above Merasmus's head. He soon finds himself on the receiving end of a repetitive smackdown by flowers of all things. After flinching a few times, he disappears again.

Several of the area's candlesticks take new positions. Some of the map's rocks change formation as well. Thankfully, the unfitting song stops and Trixie's original colors return to her. She looks around confused at the sudden change in scenery. She invigorates her thunderhead from before and strikes some of the candlesticks. While the inanimate objects don't act startled, they do break apart and reveal pumpkins that would never feasibly fit inside such thin figures of wax.

Trixie sniffs at one of the pumpkins suspiciously. She takes a cautious nibble at its contents. Before long, she's chowing down on the internal candy like crazy. The sound effects guy does it wrong again and plays the sound of collecting a Sonic ring. Feeling better than ever, Trixie's magic pulls forth her charmed rope and wraps it around another loose rock.

Upon being thrown, the rock actually lets out a scream of disdain. It cracks against another rock and reveals the skull-hatted wizard. Some green quickly flashes by his cane and he floats high up.

"If surrendering is what you will do never, then I command you to dance forever!"

A lightning bolt cracks in the background. Trixie's limbs suddenly lift up and move. The surprise in her eyes indicates that she is not intentionally jiving this way. Now the music guy follows the sound effects example and plays a zombie-themed song by a late pop artist.

Merasmus waves his staff and releases one more greenish stream of a spell. As Trixie's body continues to dance against her will, it suddenly ignites in orange and red flames all over. Her body starts moving extremely rapidly before falling to the ground in a charred mess.

"You have failed me!"

The sound effect of a booing audience plays simultaneously with a sorrowful piano tune. At least it fits this time.

---Death Battle---

Michael Bay would have been proud to direct such an explosive feature.

Trixie is resourceful when it comes to manipulating her foes' emotions. She can even counter other impressive show-offs with cleverly timed levitations.

But in the long term, stage magic is no substitute for years of magic specifically designed to murder people.

Even when Merasmus's foolish critical booster items gave Trixie a bit more to work with, she had nothing to prepare for his vastly superior magic arsenal. His cursed traps and pyrokinesis spelled out her end.

At least she went down in a blaze of Michael Jackson's glory.

The winner is Merasmus.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

The six must be used.

However, it's not the six that you're most likely thinking of.

Can a crisis be averted?

... or will one side be doomed to a lost world?

The darkness is rising and it makes a request.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Trixie looked really hot.
The battle blew up in Trixie's face.
I bet she was thrilled by that last trick.
She really burned up the dance floor.
...
:trixieshiftleft:
This is why I don't do stand-up comedy.

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 1)

Please make sure "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I'm in for a world of hurt. I just know it.
This chapter (as well as the next five) may contain spoilers.

Properties in the chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 4

If the number of parts ever surpasses that of the normal chapters, can these still be called "Side Battles"?

Whether it's a fight against a spin-dashing blue blur or a master student of the arcane, supervillains are an inevitable conflict set piece against the kick*ss heroes.

In order to help us tackle this massive Side Battle undertaking, we're calling in the guys that know canon when they see canon. Thanks for the assistance, W and B.

It's no trouble at all. We're more than happy to do our part.

Yeah! Who do we get to see kill each other this time?

It looks like it's the Mean Six from the fan fiction story CRISIS: Equestria.

Their canonical opponents are the Deadly Six from Sonic Lost World.

To make sure they get off their butts, we'll start with the least motivated members of each team. First up on team Deadly Six is the one with shadows, Zor.

From the Mean Six, we'll start with the crushing apathy, Grayscale Force. Gentlemen, if you're ready...

She's N and I'm F.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Grayscale Force
-Clone of Rainbow Dash
-The Element of Apathy
-Gravity manipulation over objects within a certain field of space; power uses her wings and interferes with flight
-Extremely intelligent and logical
-Seeks results regardless of methods
-Prefers to end battles quickly so that she may take a nap

"Say 'hello' to the ocean for me."

In case it wasn't obvious, heavy spoilers will be revealed.

Twilight Sparkle's posse the Mane Six end up in the hostile world of New Pandemonium and its leader Silvertongue. In order to get back home, the bearers of Harmony will have to undergo new trials, master new powers, and defeat their greatest threat: themselves.

Well, they're more like clones created to be their exact opposites. Silvertongue was kind of a manipulative bastard when it came to making children.

The Mean Six's original purpose was to corrupt the Mane Six's elements and turn them into weapons against their home of Harmonia. Due to their violent tendencies, however, they quickly threw their father's plan into the trash and decided to eliminate their original counterparts instead.

They're like an anti-anti-malware program multiplied by six.

Rainbow Dash's clone and opposite is Grayscale Force the Element of Apathy. While her flight and speed reach similar levels to that of Dash, the similarities end there.

In a situation where Dash would charge in head first with hooves kicking, Force prefers to hang back and think. She is one of the Mean Six's most intelligent and carries the sarcasm to match her wit.

However, she rarely uses her vast intellect for anything other than ending a fight as quickly as possible. She cares not about whether she'll win or lose. She only cares about finishing her nap.

Are we sure Force is Dash's opposite?

Absolutely! In this particular story's universe, Rainbow's loyalty pushes her to stand up to enemies and protect her friends. In contrast, Grayscale couldn't care less about what happens to her fellow clones because she deems them all to be nothing, including herself.

I guess that black hole of a personality is why her power revolves around gravity. Within a certain field of space, she can affect the gravity of all objects and make them weigh as much or as little as she wants.

However, utilizing this power to its fullest requires full concentration from her wing muscles, making it difficult to use simultaneously while flying.

In spite of what her motivations may be, she prefers a fair fight against someone that can give her an actual challenge. Even if the atmosphere around her threatens to kill her, she'll keep pushing on.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty when it comes to danger. No matter what path she may take toward her destiny, Grayscale's only concern is with the results she gets.

"Beating you doesn't mean anything anymore anyway. So why should I care?"

---Death Battle---

Zor
-One of the Zeti
-Always carries a blue rose
-The spy for the group
-Powers are "so dark and foreboding that even the others refuse to use them"
-No sense of humor
-Moody and pessimistic

"Giving bad news is the one thing I enjoy."

Resuming his plans to turn local wildlife of the Lost Hex into his robotic army, Dr. Eggman decided to call in some help.

From the most ridiculous bunch of villains I've ever seen. Seriously, their leader looks like a red Bowser!

Known as Rokkishu in Japan, the Zeti are a villainous gang that formed several years ago. In order to avoid feeling pain from the Cacophonic Conch, the Deadly Six reluctantly agreed to help Eggman.

B's tone becomes sarcastic.

Oh, right. Heaven forbid they feel the pain of a Spongebob Squarepants oracle shell.

Are you done?

*sigh* Yeah, I'm done.

For this battle, we'll be focusing on Zor, the Deadly Six's personal spy and field agent. He is one with the shadows, both physically and mentally.

He can bend darkness to his whim, shoot energy projectiles, and *eff* up magnetic fields. He can jump really high, fly long distances, and take the punishment from Sonic's homing attacks like a bored son of a b****.

Zor outright hates anything that's happy or speedy. He takes pleasure in causing other people pain and he's constantly complaining about everything wrong with his life.

His obsessions include a blue-petal rose, giant mechanical owls, and reminding people that everyone dies eventually. Imagine Raven with just barely enough morphine to be considered overdosed, except conscious.

Zor is misery incarnate.

"Only the Reaper wins in the end."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A giant disembodied hand that resembles a white glove glides through the air. Its color stands out against the night sky. After a few seconds, it comes across a sleeping pegasus pony atop a cloud. The fingers on the glove curl up until only the index finger is pointing out. The glove pokes the pony.

The pony slowly lifts her head. She blinks in annoyance before laying back down. The glove rearranges its fingers' positions. The index, ring and pinky fingers extend. However, the thumb and middle finger curve into an "O" shape. In an instant, the middle finger extends. The pony is sent spinning slightly before regaining her balance in flight.

A slightly more sporadic gloved hand floats down toward the ground. Somehow it cackles loudly without a mouth and performs a rapid tapping motion against the head of the other combatant. The small Zeti barely pays attention, focusing more on a single blue petal floating down from his rose.

The pegasus shows up in the arena at the top of a tree. "Let's get this over with. I'm falling behind on my napping schedule."

The Zeti looks up and sighs. "I guess it was inevitable that we were going to fight."

"FIGHT!"

Grayscale scoffs lightly. I don't have to put up with this.

She unfurls her wings slightly as a strange power emits from them. This "field" spreads out around her and passes right on through Zor like it's nothing. Whatever this power is seems to lift him right off the ground and sends him sailing straight up. Grayscale resumes a normal fluttering of her wings.

We cut to Zor somewhere at the edge of the arena's ionosphere.

"Hello, darkness my old friend," he says in a down-tone. He makes a sudden U-turn and flies right on down at a leisurely pace. How he does so without wings or pixie dust is beyond me.

Zor lands on a giant statue in the shape of an owl. The night sky somehow gets even darker than when it started. I can't see what's going on in the arena because it's so dark. Maybe... Force rumbles as she unfurls her wings again. I can barely make out the purple streamline that zigzags around the screen. I think it's hitting the owl and Zor from multiple directions in less than a second.

Grayscale opens up her field again. However, it seems a bit different this time. Some of the trees timber down and crash through the ground, destroying the grass and terrain in the nearby area.

"We're all going to die someday," Zor's voice echoes over the audio.

There's a loud squish as the screen brightens up via moonlight and stars in the night sky. Where a Zeti once was, there is now a really grossly colored pancake.

"To hell with this," mutters Force as she falls onto her back and starts snoring really loudly.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Ha ha ha! What the hell was that? Ah ha ha ha!

Grayscale Force had the speed advantage, a skill that Zor specifically hates to witness and deal with.

She also has a bit more of an aerial advantage since Zor prefers to slip away in the shadows rather than fly as fast as he can.

He's a bit of a pushover when it comes to actually fighting. Though using the powers of darkness sounds bad*ss, he doesn't quite have it in him to follow through with his death dogma considering he was still alive after so many years.

While Force doesn't particularly care for fighting either, she'll at least take the measures she deems necessary to finish it as quickly as possible.

The gravitational power kept in her wings was enough to overpower her enemy on top of her natural speed.

Looks like the Force was strong with this one.

Emo pancakes, anyone?

The winner is Grayscale Force.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Where did that big guy get such a huge sandwich? Cha.

Author's Note

These are for you, DarknessRising.
Let's roll!

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 2)

Please make sure that "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: The following chapter may contain spoilers. Please read with discretion.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 5

No, really. I couldn't eat another bite.

For those of you that are just now tuning in with us, we're pitting the Mean versus the Deadly.

A total of six rounds will determine which of these teams holds superiority as villainous groups.

Last time, Zor just couldn't handle the G. Force!

Where will the Deadly Six's momentum kick in? Will gluttony allow Zomom to take a bite out of the Mean Six's winning streak?

Or will Insipid's greed steal yet another victory? I'm F and she's N.

I'm B and he's W.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Zomom
-Alignment: Evil; The Deadly Six
-Age: 133
-High physical strength; burrowing; unlimited appetite; flight; enhanced speed movements
-Favorite food: Fried chicken and very large sandwiches
-Dislikes being called fat
-Lacks intelligence

"Does this mean no dessert?"

Aside from the leader Zavok, Zomom is most likely the physically strongest Zeti of the Deadly Six.

Strength is all well and good, but he doesn't have much to direct those muscles other than his love for eating giant sandwiches. Even Subway doesn't offer meals two feet or longer.

Yes, despite being over one hundred thirty years old, his mind has yet to grow with his body. He's also technically the slowest of the Deadly Six, but he has enhanced jumping and flight abilities to compensate.

And boy does he pull his weight around. With enough stomping force, he can spin Minecraft-shaped platforms while they're falling through the air. As if that weren't dizzying enough, he can spin his arms around. Add one more to the list of people that stole Mike Haggar's double lariat.

While Zomom assisted Zavok in preparing the roboticizer for Tails, he foolishly left the remains of his sandwich within reach, allowing Tails to stop the machine before its work could be completed.

Yeah, the fox already has enough Mega buster action. He doesn't need more robot parts to beat up green plumbers.

Zomom also has the ability to burrow and disrupt magnetic fields, though he rarely uses them.

Instead, he prefers to belly flop enemies and eat anything else. Put the KFC down and hit the gym, tubby.

"It'll be fun to have your little buddy scramble you like an omelet. Omelet... mmmm."

---Death Battle---

Insipid
-Clone of Rarity
-The Element of Avarice
-Insatiable Greed (Power Copying)
-Can sometimes use powers in ways that the original user never thought of
-Not easily provoked; dangerous when she doesn't get something she wants
-Loses stolen power "if she's bored with it"
-Ignorance is bliss; is terrible at remembering names

"Hey... Rarity! Can I, like, borrow you for, like, just a teensy minute?"

Oh, gundam it! It's the valley girl of the group.

I think it's kind of cute how she talks like that.

No, N! What would R think if he heard you talking about somepony else like that?

N suddenly opens her eyes wide while her cheeks turn slightly red.

W-W-What? That's not... I mean... He understands... wait, no... I...

Hah... that's better. Anyway, Insipid was created from a combination of Rarity's genetics and a goddess's magic. Together with her 'sisters', they form the Mean Six. In addition to not knowing how to properly talk, Insipid has a tendency to ridiculously mispronounce everybody's names except her fellow clones and Rarity, her original.

*ahem* This lack of careful thought carries over to her fighting style. As the Element of Avarice, her power is that of Insatiable Greed: the ability to steal and copy the powers of others. However, she doesn't always understand how her newly acquired powers work and she sometimes discovers new methods of utilizing those powers completely by accident.

There doesn't seem to be any limit to how many powers she can absorb from multiple ponies. But if she grows bored with a particular skill set, she discards it. Her body seems to take the motto of "use it or lose it" quite literally.

Her slow-processing mind takes a long time to feel the sting of insults. This makes it very difficult for her to get angry enough to attack.

But take away something that she wants really badly and look out! Love didn't stop her from attacking her sister Curaçao, so there's nothing that will stop her rage against an enemy with no relation.

"You ate all your hay tacos with that, like, hot sauce and junk?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Some small, yellow action figure enters the screen. He wears a brown fedora and coat and carries a whip at his side. He walks up to what looks like a giant pile of green and purple building blocks. He scratches his chin briefly before bending over. His hands that look more like C-shaped pincers quickly go to work. The Legos make a lot of clickety-clacking noises as they start stacking on top of and around each other.

When the entire pile is used up, the small man backs up to admire his work. The structure is huge, probably a thousand times the size of this action figure. Meanwhile, a dark equine quietly wanders in from off screen. She eyes the item on the action figure's belt.

"Can I, like, have that?" she asks. "Okay, like, thanks!"

Barely having time to let out a confused grunt, the man turns around. Immediately, the pony swings the whip in her mouth and she is sent soaring up the height of the blocky structure. The fedora hides the man's eyes, but his mouth is open with concern as he pats all sides of his belt. He exclaims his disdain at his missing whip.

Up at the top of the tower, the pony says something muffled through the object in her mouth. She acts confused at the fact that she currently can't speak. She turns her head and spits the obtrusive object far away.

"Cha," she scoffs. "What a boring yo-yo. It only went, like, one direction."

A tiny brown dot on the far ground holds up its yellow pincers before scurrying off in the direction of the whip. But Insipid's attention is quickly grabbed by some other noise. It sounds like some pony crunching away at something. She turns forward and trots a few steps. Around a green-bricked wall, she happens upon the source. A horned, yellow blob of a creature is smacking his lips while crumbs scatter around him.

Where did that big guy get such a huge sandwich? Cha, she thinks.

A small growling catches the dark pony off guard. She looks down at her wiggling tummy. She looks back up. Suddenly, the origin of that scrumptious food no longer matters. She trots up to the big fellow.

"Hey, I want that sandwich!" she exclaims, "So, like, hoof it over!"

The Zeti ignores the small noise and continues crunching away at the toasted bread.

"Didn't you, like, hear me?" The pony tries speaking up again. "Hoof it over, cha!"

To her dismay, the last of the amazing food item gets tossed into the creature's mouth and is swallowed in three seconds. Insipid gasps before immediately narrowing her eyes. I can't tell if that's steam coming out of her ears or just pure temper. Only now does the big guy let out a questioning grunt and look around to see a new occupant of this building.

"A horsie?" he asks. "I'm not sure if I like horsies."

"You're not, like, going to like this, like, pony after I'm through with you! Cha!"

"FIGHT!"

Insipid takes a galloping charge toward the devourer. Her horn shimmers like a sword's edge. She looks ready to kill... until she bounces off of Zomom's belly like a trampoline. She slams into the green-bricked wall behind her, comically sliding down against the flat surface. Zomom scratches his head with a finger.

"Um, is horsie fighting me?" he asks before letting his arm drop to the side. "Okay, it's my turn."

The big Zeti takes a giant leap. His shadow starts growing around Insipid. She quickly shakes herself before rushing to the side. Part of the brick wall crumbles as Zomom bounces off it. While the camera remains stationary, the scenery does not and appears to be leaning far to the right. Insipid scrambles along the blocks. She manages to hoist herself over the left corner just as the structure finds its new balance.

Zomom crashes down, causing Insipid to bounce into the air. He quickly spins himself around with fists extended. Several slapping noises can be heard before Insipid gets smacked to the blocks on the left side of the screen. She slowly stands back on all fours before turning around. Her expression is filled with fumes. Zomom stomps toward her, but she stands there with her mouth open in a small "O". Something orange starts flowing through the air from the Zeti to the pony's mouth, though he makes no action to acknowledge this.

Insipid suddenly leaps up, performs a flying loop, and smacks into Zomom's face. She then proceeds to spin around with her front hooves extended. The sound effects guy decides to throw in the sound of a giant drill over the numerous bashing noises. Zomom exclaims and grunts as he falls onto his back. Though, he quickly rights himself up again. He takes another giant leap. This time, Insipid follows him to his height. They both spin their respective limbs around and the double lariats match each other punch for punch.

But the stalemate ends when the pony loops over and delivers a back kick to the Zeti's head. He hurtles down before crashing into the top of the block tower.

Insipid yawns. If I wanted to fly, I could've just, like, taken it from Grayscale or Havocwing. This is, like, so boring.

Like a cartoon character looking down, Insipid starts falling like a brick. Her hooves miss the top of the Lego structure by a foot as she continues falling. It's about this time when she realizes that her life is in danger at this terminal velocity. Frantically, she waves her hooves around to no avail. She lets out a scream as she falls below the camera's visible sight. In the downward distance, a splash can be heard.

Meanwhile, Zomom sits back up and rubs his head and face from the pain.

"Hey, I just realized something," he remarks. "I forgot the mustard for my lunch!"

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Now that was a battle that reached new heights.

Zomom's lack of intellect is a hindrance when it comes to strategy, but he still has the strength and endurance to withstand some serious punishment.

It didn't help that Insipid's intelligence isn't that much higher.

While Insipid does have the power to steal and copy other powers, she tends to lose interest and forget what she's doing at the worst of times.

Other power stealers, like Rogue, would have used powers in response to their fears, not lose them just because they forgot about them.

Zomom's chances were just slightly better thanks to his bottomless pit for a stomach and better understanding of his own powers.

I guess you could say that Insipid's greed...

... was her greatest downfall.

The winner is Zomom.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Wow... Rarity is looking absolutely beautiful to- 0_o Oh my gosh! That's not who I thought it was at all!

Author's Note

Always watch what you eat.

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 3)

Please make sure that "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: The Mean Six don't really have an old teacher that looks like they should know martial arts. I had to work with what I had.
This chapter may contain spoilers. Reader discretion is advised.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 6

Now we begin the test of wisdom in battle.

One down and four to go. Who am I talking about? I don't know!

That's right, F. It's anyone's game as the score of Mean versus Deadly is now one apiece.

Today, we switch gears from the dumb and goofy to the oldest and wisest members of both teams.

The Deadly Six sends in Master Zik.

And the Mean Six calls forth Curaçao. He's W and he's B.

He's F and she's N.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Master Zik
-Founder of the Deadly Six and former teacher to Zavok
-Age: 1,036
-Height: 2'; Weight: 17.6 lb
-Likes: tending his garden
-Genius intellect in fighting; high acrobatic skills and reflexes; great accuracy; telekinesis; flight; energy projectiles
-Could take down Zazz and Zomom by himself
-Weakness: the Cacophonic Conch

"I shall prepare for you a lesson in respect... a painful lesson."

Several years before the events of Sonic Lost World, Zik the Zeti took Zavok as an apprentice as well as forming the Deadly Six properly.

I'm not sure how well the lessons went between the Splinter rip-off and the Bowser rip-off. Their fighting styles really don't look like each other.

Since Zavok apparently finished his training, Zik went into a sort of semi-retirement. It allowed him to focus on his favorite pastime: gardening.

Then Eggman showed up like a b****, overclocked the old geezer's hearing aid with a purple conch shell, and forced the Deadly Six to work for the Robot Master. I dread the day when I retire and the kids down the street still blast their music through their microscopic iPhones.

Hearing jokes aside, Zik earns his title Master through his fighting genius intellect. His greatest power is that of telekinesis and utilizing multiple giant fruits as shields, boulders, and even bombs to a certain extent.

When he isn't close enough to the produce aisle, he can still ride his cane to fly as fast and as far as the rest of the Deadly Six dare to soar. He can even bend the will of Eggman's own Badniks against the power-hungry sucker.

While Zik's physical stamina is limited, he has fairly high reflexes and acrobatic maneuverability. He even bested Zazz and Zomom to prove his worth that he could face Sonic alone.

Then he got easily run over by homing attacks and a Drill Wisp. It was a sad day for old, wise martial artists everywhere. But hey, no hedgehogs are getting involved in today's fight. So who knows? Maybe this old-timer has a chance.

"It will be good to stretch these old bones."

---Death Battle---

Curaçao
-Clone of Applejack; Element of Deceit
-Oldest of the Mean Six because Applejack's name was first alphabetically
-Power: Deceptive illusions that let her blend in with the environment, turn invisible, or disguise herself as another pony
-Master liar; onlookers can never tell if she's lying or not; she can tell if others are lying, even the goddess of deception Nihila
-Strategist of the group; well-versed in spells and combat
-The French stereotype, complete with accent and sisterly love, particularly toward Insipid
-Embracing good causes unbearable pain for her and her sisters

"I 'ave no idea vhat zat even is, ma capitaine. Je suis désolé."

Lord Silvertongue created six clones of the Bearers of Harmony. Due to alphabetical orders of the originals, the clone of Applejack is technically the oldest of the aptly titled Mean Six. Curaçao represents the Element of Deceit and is an embodiment of the phrase "living a lie".

This mare is so wicked that she speaks with a French accent and is such a big liar that she can detect when other people and ponies are lying through their teeth. Forget heart rate lie detectors! Just install Curaçao and be done with it.

Well, that might not be such a good idea considering she can hide her lies as half-truths. Besides, it's not actually French. It's a language of magic called Romantique.

Romantic, French, Fancy... You say tomato. I say fruity weapon of mass property damage.

Uh-huh. Anyway, her powers of deception go beyond her word of mouth. She can alter the colors of her hide and mane to blend in with her surroundings, creating the illusion of invisibility. Also, despite being an earth pony, she is well-versed in magic and spells.

I think you're missing something, N.

What's that, F?

Curie's hide changing powers can go so far as to imitate the physical appearance of other ponies. It's like she was a shapeshifter first and then the changelings stole the concept after.

Now who is forgetting something? Curaçao is no mere changeling. Instead of just mimicking appearance and parroting words in the voice of the original, she can actually replicate their personality to the point of near flawlessness. Once, she disguised herself as Applejack and got captured by her sisters. Her stubbornness was almost exactly the same as AJ's that even the fan readers had trouble keeping track of her true self.

But even if disguises aren't enough, she's no slouch in a fight. Hell, even Pinkie Pie had trouble keeping up with her and Pinkie's supposed to be on par with Deadpool when it comes to impossible reflexes.

However, Curaçao is not as punch happy as some of her other sisters. Behind her mask of confidence, she cares deeply for the rest of the Mean Six and will do anything to keep them out of danger. This includes trying to lead them away from their path of evil at the potential risk of killing them all through goodness.

Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense!

Yeah, written plot conveniences kind of made her wish to lead her family out of the dark side a near impossibility. The wrongness was so painful that it almost led Grayscale Force to commit a mass murder and suicide all at once through an intense enough gravitational field.

Wow... that's... pretty *eff*ed up.

She does not concern herself about being an empty clone. Instead, she feels the pain that Insipid holds about being meaningless.

Well, let's make her fight a grandpa.

"Non, ma chérie, non. Zey are right. Of course zey are right. I 'ave always seen what... what must be done. But it was always my choice. Always. So 'ow can it be alright?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The screen locks onto a blue earth pony's position. She trots along casually while humming a few bars from "Mademoiselle de Paris". Her humming and trotting stop suddenly with an exclamation point popping over her head. A yellow guy wearing a brown jacket goes running in the opposite direction yelling about a whip or something. But the pony hardly notices him and gallops the rest of the path toward what has caught her attention.

They are the splattered remains of some black and yellow unicorn. All the limbs are bending the wrong way and her breathing can barely be heard. She opens her eyes slightly as the newcomer gently holds up the head.

"Curie?" whispers the pony with one hoof in the grave.

"Insipid!" exclaims Curie. "Non, non, non. Sacre bleu! What has 'appened? Who did zis to you?"

Insipid coughs. "It was... a big... horny... yellow... lard..." Her eyelids slowly lower themselves.

"Little sister!" exclaims Curie. But Insipid is already falling back into slumber. The other pony holds her head against the other. Tears drip out of Curie's eyes.

It takes a loud bang to catch her attention and make her look up. There appears to be a large tub of lard with horns on his head flying away at a casual pace. Curaçao's tear ducts clear up and her expression of sadness squirms away to one of determination. She gently lowers Insipid back to the ground.

"Wait for me, ma chérie," she whispers before looking back up.

A thin, magenta ring goes up and around the earth pony's body. Within a second, her appearance is replaced with the winner of the first part of this six-part battle. 'Grayscale Force' unfurls her wings and takes to the sky. All the while, she thinks that the big yellow one will pay for his crime. The screen cuts to black.

The big Zeti lands with a plop on a towering base. He proceeds to walk in while his belly jiggles the whole way. A door slides open for his entrance.

"Have you seen Zor anywhere?" asks the red one. "He was supposed to return from his scouting about an hour ago."

"Uh... no," Zomom responds while scratching his head with a finger. "But more importantly, have you guys seen the mustard?"

Zomom's search for condiments is interrupted by a loud blaring alarm that fills the base. All of the Zeti present gather round the screen.

"There's a heat signature approaching fast!" observes the leader, Zavok.

"Must be that hedgehog again," chuckles the pink and thin Zazz. "I'll take care of him!"

"No, I want a turn at making hedgehog souffle," argues Zomom.

Both of the impatient Zeti receive a walloping from a wooden cane. Stars circle their heads as they collapse to the floor.

"Boss, if you'd allow me..." starts the old and floating one.

"Of course, Master Zik," says Zavok with a nod. "I'll leave it to your discretion."

Master Zik bows politely before floating out the door in a twinkle.

The 'pegasus' lands on a large, grassy plateau. She narrows her eyes and slowly looks all around.

"Where'd you go?" she asks.

"My, my," echoes the voice of Master Zik. He floats in atop his cane with an amused smile. "What beauty have we here? It's not often that we receive winged-horse visitors."

"Can it, gramps!" spits 'Grayscale', "I don't have time to change elderly diapers and listen to war stories."

"So the whipper-snapper has a sharp tongue to boot," comments Zik. "Tell me, youngster. What exactly eats away at your hours?"

The pony rolls her eyes. "If you must know, I'm looking for the big, yellow, and horny lard that flew by here. So unless you're here to aid in my search, I'm not interested."

"Oh, wow." Zik rolls his eyes. "I haven't heard that description of Zomom before."

'Grayscale' tenses up. "You know about him? Tell me where he is!"

Zik sighs. "The trouble with kids today is that they are always so impatient. Before you go anywhere, I should teach you a lesson in manners... starting right now."

"FIGHT!"

Zik holds his out his cane. Three orbs of what appears to be blue electricity shoot out and slowly approach the plateau. 'Grayscale' holds back a spit as she surrounds herself with a magenta ring. The pony vanishes from sight and the projectiles pass through her original position like there's nothing there.

"Hmm, so you do have some talent," chuckles Zik. "This should be interesting."

A slapping noise is heard as Zik recoils. There's nothing visible there, but Zik takes more and more punches from something attacking this way and that. He closes his eyes in concentration. His cane whizzes all around him and collides with something that lets out a yelp. A magenta ring flashes and reveals Curaçao in her default form, wincing at the hit.

The Zeti concentrates again, pulling in large fruit from seemingly nowhere. The fruit circles around him in spherical paths. Curaçao stands there, constantly watching and wondering what the old man is going to do. She doesn't have to wait long as a giant watermelon manifests in front of Zik and starts barreling toward her. Another magenta ring falls around, turning the earth pony into a dark purple unicorn that looks barely older than a young filly. A semi-circle barrier flashes around 'Starlight Shadow' right as the melon crashes into it. The fruit bounces off the shield and surprisingly rolls back at the Zeti.

Upon impact, the watermelon spontaneously combusts and destroys two-thirds of Zik's own fruit shield. It leaves a rather strange curve that occasionally passes around in front of him. 'Starlight' morphs her appearance. The older 'Grayscale' flies in at top speed just as the remains of the fruit shield pass. Once she gets inside the safe zone of the fruit, Curaçao smacks the little old man upside the face.

She then proceeds to go through a rapid flashing of morphs. 'Insipid' takes a bite out of one of the passing fruits. Zik tries throwing another round of energy projectiles, but 'Starlight' deflects all of them with a barrier. A faded-pink 'Red Velvet' gets knocked in the head by the cane a couple of times. But that's quickly turned around by a furiously red 'Havocwing' and her dropkick. 'Grayscale' flies up briefly to charge down for an instant crash by Curaçao's buck to the head.

Zik is a bit wobbly while he struggles to float. His struggle is in vain as the pony lays one more hoof smack against the top his head. Curaçao quickly turns around and bucks him all the way into the nearest fruit tree. Five oranges fall on top of the old man. There is a short pause before two more knock him out entirely.

Curaçao takes a deep breath. "Repose en paix."

"Blue liquored!"

---Death Battle---

D**n. She's almost as scary as my ex-wife.

Oh, you say that too.

Zik is the oldest member of the Deadly Six and more likely than not, the best strategist. His telekinesis and combination of fruit and electricity would cause problems for anyone who tries to fight him.

What he couldn't count on was Curaçao and her mind full of arsenal strategies for each of the Mean Six. She understands her sisters' powers well enough to mimic most of their actions, even if she can't use their powers to their fullest potential.

Then again, he lost to Sonic's homing attack even though it wasn't travelling at Sonic's full speed. This fight was actually pretty close.

But in the end, Zik couldn't stand up to the power-packed taste...

... of an orange booze.

The winner is Curaçao.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

I'll burn your face!

Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my beautiful nails.

Author's Note

Maybe you should levitate more than melons for a living, yeah?

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 5) (Warning: Will contain blood)

Please make sure that the "Formatting" in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I will do my best to refrain from spitting contents from my digestive system until after I have completed this chapter. But, I don't make any promises.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 8

I can never have sweets again! :fluttercry:

Oh, don't worry. Sweet teeth grow back.

"No, they don't."

Shh!

Two winners, two losers, and there's two battles left to go. Someone's got to break this synchronization of the numbers.

I'm certain that this battle will upset the balance, F.

Speaking of upsetting, those of you tuning into this show may want to make sure you haven't eaten right before watching this episode. Otherwise, you're going to puke.

We're taking the bloodiest and the arguably most deranged members from each of the teams for the following battle. Viewer discretion is advised.

Representing the Deadly Six in this round is Zazz.

His opponent is a rich chocolate cake! Ha ha!

Hilarious! No, Red Velvet is just her name.

He's F.

She's N.

He's B.

I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Zazz
-Species: Zeti; Affiliation: The Deadly Six
-Height: 4'9"; Weight: 108 lb; Age: 127 years
-Coloration: pink, purple, yellow with green irises
-Likes: Fighting, violence, and destruction
-Dislikes: Sonic, Eggman, and anyone who insults him
-Skills: High physical strength, enhanced jump, flight, energy ball projection, and longevity
-Sometimes rides a giant yellow orb with a monster face

"Yeah, well... I feel like destroying something!"

When the Cacophonous Conch held its harmful noise over the Deadly Six, Zazz was caught in the mix. This Zetis is one hundred twenty-seven years old and has nine inches over Sonic the Hedgehog.

Over a hundred and he's still looking for ways to blow things up? Wow, he should get a job on Mythbusters.

Zazz is a thin and lanky creature, which can make even the most focused homing attackers miss their target. Additionally, his enhanced physical strength and flight capabilities prevent most of his enemies from pushing him around.

His projectiles take the form of heavy golden stars and his favorite tool of battle appears to be a small Majora's Moon rip-off that can glide, roll around, and crush enemies.

Where the rest of his team would prefer to wait back for their plan's next step, Zazz prefers to go fight something, beat up someone, or destroy anything that gets in his way.

Though, he's not exactly the brightest bulb. He takes his sweet time running in place before charging and as described in a previous part, Master Zik could totally whop him in a pure physical strength contest.

He does not take kindly to insults and assures his enemies that he'll be back to finish them off later. Also, he has an unpredictable personality.

He constantly yells out gibberish while fighting and doesn't give two craps about personal space. Though, that can work against him when he faces an even more determined hedgehog willing to stop his plans.

Still, this is one crazy guy that you really don't want to meet.

"You're going home in a box!"

---Death Battle---

Red Velvet
-Clone of Pinkie Pie; Element of Fear
-Has a dark and violent sense of humor
-Manipulates her own blood as a weapon, typically in the shape of swords and tentacles
-Despises Pinkie Pie's "joy" and "happiness"; goes so far as to twist Pinkie's song lyrics into nightmare fuel
-Is a sadistic masochist... but only in combat
-Has an imaginary friend named "Clottles"
-~~Can eat fear~~ [Redacted]
-Her blood and saliva can heal herself and other ponies

"Yeah, they may have thought we were talking about murdering, cutting up, and then devouring some hapless pony. What a ridiculous idea. Murder. Ha ha!"

Augh! It's Pinkamena!

I can see why you'd make that connection, but it isn't that horrible fan fictional character. This is Red Velvet, the Element of Fear created as a clone of Pinkie Pie.

Augh! Evil doppelganger! Kill it with fire!

... You have fire.

Are you crazy? Everybody knows you can't kill hellspawn with my kind of fire. We need holy fire, stat!

I don't think that is a thing either of us is capable of doing. Wait, stop! This is completely tangential. Let's get back to her stats. Red Velvet has a rather twisted sense of humor and shows great discomfort when exposed to her original counterpart's definition of joy and happiness. She even goes so far as to take some of Pinkie Pie's original songs and turn the lyrics into something much more horrendous and terrifying.

4chan!

... No.

Well, this isn't the worst of her yet. She is a masochist in battle and enjoys watching blood spill, both from her enemies and herself. She even has the strange power to manipulate her blood into different shapes like scythes and Japanese hentai fantasies.

You're seriously going for that angle.

There have even been times where she bends her blood into a terrible puppet that she calls "Clottles". That has to be the second most messed up imaginary friend I have ever seen.

I'm afraid to ask.

Good, because Luna's "Abby" is way too old for you to understand.

What intrigues Red Velvet with pain so much is that she is very hard to kill. In addition to being her main weapon, her blood can actually heal her wounds as well as other ponies. Her saliva also acts as a healing agent.

Ew... Sweet **** *eff*ing ****! Make it stop!

There is one type of pain Velvet doesn't enjoy. When getting physically beaten by her younger sister Starlight Shadow or her father Silvertongue, she gets rather apprehensive and assumes the fetal position.

Wait, so bloody tentacle porn is okay to her but familial abuse is taking it too far? Priorities be whack, dawg! Besides, can't she eat fear or something?

Well, she used to, but that power has long since left her capabilities. In its absence, she has taken up practice and further mastery over her blood-based powers.

I bet her blood type is O negative, the type that keeps on giving.

"I might be bound by that ridiculous 'non-lethal' garbage, but you know what's funny about that? You'd be surprised at what you can live through."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The screen opens up to the poorly hidden hideout of the Mean Six. A certain dark purple pegasus flies through the sliding doors. Her 'leader' as such is instantly at the scene. Somewhere in the background, a faint and echoing giggle can be heard.

"Ah, finally decided to regale us with your presence, Force my dear," comments the young unicorn.

"I'm not your 'dear', little sis," says Force monotonously. She holds up a hoof and yawns.

"I assume you've returned because you have a memorized field report regarding the situation," says Starlight expectantly.

"Huh?" Force tilts her head. "No, I just got finished napping. I came back to the base for some actual sleep."

Starlight stomps the floor. "You had a single occupation, Force, the measly task of taking care of the potentially wild threat. How does one fail in such a menial objective?"

"One of these days, you'll run out of words in your dictionary," comments Force with a straight face. "Don't get your tail in a sweat. I already eliminated my target."

"And it didn't occur to you to perform a thorough search for our missing sistren?"

"Why bother?" Force shrugs. "They know exactly where they are."

"That is tangential to the thesis which I am presenting upon you." Starlight looks a bit more upset than when she started this conversation. She puts a hoof to her face and sighs. "I cannot fathom what kinds of simpleton's thoughts are crossing my thought patterns to even consider this." She turns around to the shaded corridor. "Would you kindly go out and recover our absent sistren from whatever corners of the world they have trapped themselves?"

A red, drippy appendage scrawls along one of the walls underneath a hanging lamp. It quickly leaves the following tattered message: "I thought you'd never ask". Immediately after, another echoing giggle is released to the air.

"It's become too quiet around here recently," comments the Zeti boss.

His yellow comrade is busy scarfing down some deep-fried food from a paper bucket. The pink Zeti just now stands up from his beatdown via Master Zik's cane the other day. He shakes his head rapidly before holding out his tongue all crazy-like.

"Hey, hey!" Zazz hollers, "Show me where those ongoing threats are. I'll go crush them!"

"Well, I'm not going to deny someone their right to free destruction," says Zavok idly. "Very well, here is the most recent target."

As soon as Zavok's claw touches the map, Zazz is laughing wildly and starts pulling a Fred Flinstone with his feet. The door hasn't even opened all the way before the wild Zazz leaves the building.

"Wow, readers," says a certain pink pony, "Don't you just hate all of that annoying dialogue that authors use to pad up the situation because they honestly can't describe what's happening for you?"

W...What?

"You heard me." A red mane flips over to reveal the left eye. "You guys think you're so smart trying to force a story into this setting by having us exposit information. You've got Dumb and Dumber..."

The screen flips briefly to the Death Battle Parody staff.

Huh? What'd you say?

Yet, Red Velvet keeps talking.

"... the half-cyborg geek..."

Excuse you?

"... the child prodigy Nightmare Moon rip-off..."

Wait a minute.

"... a computer that can't process data..."

You did not...

"... and a director with an anti-Discord bias."

A/N: Do you have a point with all of this?

"As a matter of fact, I don't," says the pony while smirking smugly. "I wasted the space of the page between that last divider and the actual fight just like the you wanted me to do."

A/N: Uh... I... you... guh...

Zazz appears at the strange scene of a stone ground and a few grassy platforms floating in midair.

"And I appear with my blood tentacle, waving it in a taunting manner."

Velvet, shush! I'm narrating here. Wait a minute, how do you even know what my line is? Fourth-wall breaking isn't in your repertoire.

"~So squirm and scream at the ghosts

Worry that you are toast

Bleed out for the creepers

Cut yourself for the weepers~"

There is a compound facepalm from both the director and the narrator.

A/N: Oh, gosh darn it. She's singing a messed up version of that song.

*sigh* Just... start the match, announcer.

"FIGHT!"

Zazz laughs with his tongue wiggling all over his mouth. He hops up onto a nearby yellow orb and starts floating with it. As soon as its shadow covers an area with Red Velvet underneath, the orb crashes down.

"I wince and fall back. But despite the pain, my smile spreads to reveal some teeth."

Zazz briefly looks confused. Who in the world is this girl talking to? His curiosity quickly fades as he launches some golden stars from his position atop the orb. He chuckles like a madman as they crash into the pony's shoulder.

"The points draw some open cuts. Thank you, fool. You've just made this far too easy for me."

Okay, seriously, stop that. You're ruining the immersion factor.

"Drawing my blood into a large blade is as simple as any fool taking a breath. The other pink monstrosity is surprised as the liquid acts like solid metal and cuts him."

Zazz's mouth doesn't change from its crazy smile, but there is some wincing visible in his eyes as he falls to the stony ground to his knees. He...

"... lets out a cry for mercy as my tentacles lash out at him in all the wrong places. Hee hee hee."

-_- You're seriously going to take my job right now.

"~He is from the Deadly Six

They say they're full of tricks

And if you gouge out their eyes

You'll find they're without sight sticks~"

Really? ... Really? Guh... Despite Velvet's lyrics, Zazz still has two perfectly good eyes firmly planted in his sockets. He starts rotating his legs in a single position and charges through the tentacles. His horns hit the pony upside her head.

"This will only prove to be his downfall as I lick the blood that's under my chin. Of course, that's just before drawing it out to make an even bigger scythe that I swing at the fellow pink madman."

Zazz briefly wisens up and flies out of the blood scythe's way. He flies in at some of the tentacles, claws swinging.

"I thought you said he wisens up. That's not very wise. All that does is succeed in getting some of my blood on his hands. Besides, I just grow the tentacles longer because I have complete control over my own blood. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

Noticing this, Zazz returns his attention to attacking the pony with his claw swipes.

"But it's too late for that realization. My blades are all over the place, swinging this way and that. Zazz takes the full combination of hits. But to some onlookers, it looks like one of my blades catches my head."

... It does catch Red's head. It appears that in all of the excitement, Red Velvet forgot to actually watch where she was cutting. It looks like this battle is a draw.

"Oh, I wouldn't let it end on such a happy note."

What?

"Seriously? Two baddies successfully destroy each other? What kind of anti-climax is that?"

You're not going to pull a Discord and press the exit early button, are you?

"You're the narrator, bub. Tell the audience what you see."

What are you...? 0_o I... I don't believe it. Some of the blood forms into a gelatinous form between the severed head and her open neck. It's... pulling the head closer... back onto the standing body. There's a bit of scar tissue right at the exact point of contact. But other than that, the connection is flawless. Red Velvet's head is completely back on and she's still smiling wickedly. A tongue passes over some of Zazz's blood that spilled on her face earlier.

Speaking of which, the Zeti's limbs are laying out in ways that they shouldn't be apart all over the stone ground.

"~You gotta scream. Have a bad dream!

It's the correct thing to do

You gotta scream. Have a bad dream!

Because I'm going to come for you

And I'll always cut your veins through~"

I think I'm... going to go lie down now.

The narrator faints.

"Bloody Fatality!"

---Death Battle---

Oh, good Luna! It's everywhere!

Oh my gawwwwww!

Sweet Father of Faust!

Somebody get me a *eff*ing table to flip!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

A/N: Aaaaaaaaah!

...

What's the matter?

Everyone present jumps at the newcomer's voice.

Sheesh, it's like you ponies and people have never seen pain and death before. Get a hold of yourself.

... No offense, Miss Velvet, but your presence in this room is a bit of a disturbance.

Oh, come on. I'm not that disturbing. Look, I even kept his head intact.

Oh my gosh!

Augh! Nightmare fuel!

That's just gross.

Red, no! Put that thing away!

Yeesh, fine. See if I ever invite you schmucks over for a drink.

...

Everyone releases a sigh after she exits.

All in favor of putting that entire experience behind us?

Aye!

Motioned!

Seconded!

It's unanimous. The winner is Red Velvet.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Press "Start".

"I will show you my full strength!"

Because the finale to this six parter...

"Forgive my associates. Sometimes they can seem... obnoxious."

... is just around the corner.

Who is the meanest?

Who is the deadliest?

The answer to these questions will come after a short break of indeterminate time.

Author's Note

I need a cold shower after this chapter.

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 6): Boss!

Please make sure that your "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Comparison of this chapter to the sixth part of Power Rangers vs. Power Ponies is inevitable. So... feel free to voice your disappointment in the comments.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

Within the confines of the Deadly Six base...

A certain red Zeti sighs. Three of his comrades are missing in action. The fourth is still trying to engorge himself on the mustard supply. The fifth is busy running her nail file while her mascara drips with the tears going down her face. The boss gets up from his seat and turns toward the door.

"If you want something done right,..."

Somewhere in the Mean Six's temporary headquarters...

"... then you must be willing to take the necessary actions yourself."

The little pony trots determinedly toward the sliding door. She gives a quick glance around her. The only other ponies available at the base appear to be the redhead talking to her own blood puppet and a sleeping Grayscale. The boss shakes her head as she makes her grand exit.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 9

Five munny on the red Bowser!

Three hundred fifty yen on the verbose purple Sweetie Belle!

One shilling on them killing each other!

A/N: Darn it, Discord!

What? Do you have something against the British?

A/N: No, that's not... :facehoof: *sigh* Never mind.

You know what I find more ridiculous than a boss of a designated evil group? Absolutely g**d*** nothing!

Oh, you say that too. That's cool.

Will Zavok maintain the dignity of the Deadly Six by tying the scores at three?

Or will Starlight Shadow drag his chances down into the Void?

She's N and I'm F.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Starlight Shadow
-Clone of Twilight Sparkle; The Element of Magic (Discord)
-Youngest of the Mean Six since her original's name was last alphabetically
-Anti-Magician: draws her magical powers from the Void, the opposite end of the spectrum of Twilight who draws power from the Stars
-Essentially capable of the same spells as unicorn Twilight Sparkle (beams, levitation, shields, teleport, material ripping), only more destructive and negative
-Has a goddess complex, loves to hear herself talk, and speaks phrases straight out of a thesaurus
-Actually gains power if her pride grows
-An easily influenced child insistent on destroying the original to prove she is the most powerful
-Dismisses anything that's beneath her

"Are you insinuating that my manner of speech poses the same quandary as Curaçao's bizarre vernacular?"

What the hell did I just hear? All of that gibberish probably means she spent way too much of her early life with a nose in a dictionary.

Wait, what are you doing in this section?

I don't know. But as long as I'm here, why don't we talk about this fan-written baby horse toy? ... No offense.

None taken. *ahem* Starlight Shadow is the Element of Discord Magic. Contrary to its name, it has nothing to do with draconequi and more to do with being the opposite of Harmony Magic. In this story, Twilight Sparkle's magic is drawn from an arcane source called the Stars. Starlight Shadow's magic comes from the exact opposite side of the spectrum called the Void.

Oh, so that's where my ex-wife got her blood-sucking powers.

Even though she is the opposite of Mom in almost every way, Starlight's abilities that utilize her magic are almost identical in effect. She can teleport, shoot beams of magic, levitate and tear apart giant metal gates, and create shields that can parry the powers of a goddess. The difference is the core of their power. Where Twilight gains magic through her friendships and stronger bonds, Starlight gains strength from pride and arrogance.

Yep, sounds like my ex-wife's new boyfriend.

At her core, Starlight is still a child. She was created after the rest of her sisters because Mom's name appeared last in the alphabetical order. To make up for her lower stature and age, she constantly fills her vocabulary with words that require onlookers to constantly have a thesaurus ready to match what she's saying to something that can be understood in layman's terms.

So... is she Donatello?

Not quite. She may know several words that all equate to "idiot", but she is not fluent in techno babble. The smarts actually belong to Curaçao.

Well, when you aren't sure what you're talking about, I guess the next best thing is to sound like you know what you're saying by talking a lot. Though, this leads to her ignoring some key details and solutions if she deems them as beneath her.

And her capabilities of overpowering the rest of the Mean Six have led this little filly to grow a large ego, claiming the title of "Most Powerful Unicorn" for herself.

*sarcasm* Oh, that's just what we needed. Another Trixie! *end sarcasm*

I suppose I can kind of understand her position. She wasn't born naturally and the only pony that she can compare herself to in terms of power and talent is Twilight. She just wanted to prove herself to her daddy.

Hate to disappoint the sweetheart, but I don't think Daddy really cared what happened to her next.

Now that she knows she's just a clone, Starlight Shadow wants nothing more than to destroy her original and to defend her self-proclaimed title.

Why do they always pick Twilight? It wasn't even that good of a love story.

Huh?

Nothing.

"And your impudence vexes me so."

---Death Battle---

Zavok
-"King of Chaos"
-Age: 148 yr; Height: 5'1"; Weight: 146.4 lb (80 kg)
-Skills: Magnetic field manipulation, high prowess in fighting, super strength, enhanced jump, flight, enhanced durability, longevity, fireball projection, energy beams, fire breath
-Likes: World domination
-Dislikes: Sonic, Tails, Dr. Eggman, waste, failure, the Cacophonic Conch
-Allows nothing to stand in his way
-Has never beaten Sonic
-Reluctant to act upon tasks that are "beneath him"

"Your threats are almost as amusing as your mustache."

Are you sure you're going to be okay with this?

Don't worry about it. N and I talk about canonical characters all the time.

All right, then.

What's black, blue, and red all over?

Why, it's none other than Zavok, the appointed leader of the Deadly Six after Zik's semi-retirement.

This guy is big. Not only are his steps loud and shaky, he's got the muscle strength underneath all of those red scales.

As was stated before, he trained his fighting skills under the teachings of Master Zik. Whatever he learned seems to complement his super strength well, along with the Zeti's natural ability of flight and jumping higher.

And like any big red lizard, this guy can breathe fire and/or throw big balls of blue flame. Additionally, his magnetic field manipulation is strong enough to produce energy beams out of thin air.

His durability is slightly better than his Zeti brethren and he has lived a long life of one hundred forty-eight years.

During that last year, he got dragged in with the rest of the Deadly Six to do Eggman's dirty work all across the Lost Hex. Though he quickly stole the plan of world domination for himself after Sonic inadvertently freed them from the Cacophonic Conch's terrible noise.

Zavok's personality has developed into power hungry arrogance. This usually leads him to avoid doing any legwork or tasks that he deems as beneath himself.

Are we sure that this isn't Bowser?

Considering how many times the Sonic and Mario universes have collided, it really wouldn't surprise me at this point.

Fantastic.

F takes a drag from his cigarette. Nearby, the sound of a strap is heard.

What's with the gas mask?

No reason.

"One by one, your friends are falling. Soon you'll be all alone."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this six-part debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Zavok punches his fists together. "I will show you my full strength!"

Sparks race around Starlight Shadow's horn. "I shall eliminate you with haste!"

"FIGHT!"

The sparks dance faster before a large, black magic beam shoots forth from Starlight. This beam makes the very space that it travels through feel like it's vanishing. In response, Zavok leaps up high, displacing a lot of his ground in the process. Before Starlight can fully cut off her beam, the Zeti crashes down his giant fist against her back. She bounces against the ground while letting out a pained yelp.

Zavok unleashes a blue breath of fire. But Starlight is already back on her hooves. Another channeling of the Void covers her horn as a half-sphere of a shield surrounds the rest of her body. The flames pummel against, but ultimately stream around, the magic shield. Zavok cuts off his fire. Shortly thereafter, Starlight vanishes in a black light. She reappears just behind the Zeti and fires a couple of smaller magic shots at his back.

He grunts at the impacts, though he looks relatively unaffected. He turns around and launches some blue fiery blasts from his clawed hands. He then dashes forward with his fist on fire. Starlight's shield spell deflects the individual fireballs. However, the sudden impact of fire and fist combined make her look like she's sweating inside the shield.

The Deadly Six's leader jumps back as the pony's shield finally gets put away. He lands atop a giant, mechanical snake and punches his own palm with his opposite fist. Starlight looks up and sees the strange orb of light just above her. A sudden beam of bluish-white light crashes against her before she can react. She vanishes in her teleportation light and reappears on the snake's tail. She gallops forward as more white beams crash down from thin air. But each time these occur, she teleports out of the way just a few feet ahead of her current position.

As she closes the distance between herself and Zavok, Starlight takes a leap and lights up her horn. Zavok surrounds his fist with fire before launching a punch.

"Cut to black."

"Huh?" Grayscale Force lifts her head and opens one eye. "Did you say something, RV?"

"I'm bored," says Red Velvet casually, "How about you, Clottles? Are you bored?"

A tentacle of blood shapes itself into a hook shape. It moves around like really bad lip sync.

"Yes, most definitely. Can we go maul something?"

The anti-Rainbow Dash sighs. "I suppose."

"Grayscale slowly rolls off her cot and the remaining Deadly Two make their way out the door."

Darn it, Red! Don't do this again. It wasn't even funny last chapter.

"Oh, fine," says the sadist, "Be boring."

Grayscale looks at the empty spot that Velvet is staring at. "Uh... who are you talking to?"

"A better question would be 'why don't we have a car'?"

"Technically, neither of us is old enough to drive," points out the pegasus.

"But the question remains," says Velvet, having no idea how Force's point relates to what is being asked.

Zavok's fiery punch collides with Starlight's midair shield spell. The air seems to be crackling loudly around the unicorn's body as she lands on the section of the mechanical snake's neck.

"Do you truthfully anticipate your victorious conditions over me: the only being that can confront a goddess and survive?" she asks.

Zavok lets out a single laugh. "My last enemy also faced deity figures and won. But unlike him, you won't overcome me."

"Raaaaah!" Starlight yells as her eyes glow with the absence of light.

"Come on, director!" yells Red Velvet to the sky, "These transitions are far too quick. None of the readers are going to be able to follow any of this!"

"Um, who are you talking to?" asks a confused Zomom. "Do you expect me to eat something else if you act crazy?"

Velvet turns to the big, yellow Zeti with a creepy smile on her face. "No, Fatty." Her blood flows out into the shape of two giant sickles. "I expect you to die. Ah ha ha ha!"

"Great." Grayscale Force's sarcasm is emphasized by her folding her front hooves as she flutters. "Thanks, Red. Make me fight the green troll doll."

"Can you just wait a second?" asks Zeena as she shakes her hands a bit. "I need at least two minutes for these nails to dry properly."

A heavy force field is emitted in all directions from the pegasus as her wings stop. "I'm sorry. I don't give a crap."

The air practically burns as the energy sparks all over Starlight. She actually seems to be floating inside of her magical barrier. Zavok conjures several beams of white energy from nowhere and concentrates their fire on the point. However, none of them seem to be doing anything.

"Such power..." he whispers before he takes a flying leap.

He tries shooting some more blue flame, but it doesn't have any more effect than the pure energy beams. The shield holds. Starlight actually levitates with her shield into Zavok and rushes him down through his metal snake. The machine bursts in an explosion of nuts and bolts. Meanwhile, Zavok struggles against the weight of his opponent's pure pride.

"I will not forfeit victory against any foe!" yells Starlight, magic still burning. "Not to Twilight Sparkle and most certainly not to oversized, vermillion monstrosities such as yourself!"

Her shield briefly drops, but she continues levitating. A large orb of magical energy builds up at her horn's tip. She then angles her pointing down upon her foe. A semi-sphere of Void magic can be seen from the satellite camera.

A few miles away, Grayscale and Velvet cover their eyes against the sight of the huge explosion.

...

"K.O.!"

Starlight Shadow stands at the bottom of a crater, breathing heavily.

---Death Battle---

~All hail Shadow, villains rise again...~

~Obliterating everything that's not your friend...~

Well, that did get a bit close at times. Zavok's strength and flight proficiency trumped Starlight enough to gain the upper hand. Plus, he did have an unusual assortment of powers for a Bowser look-alike.

But the same could be said of the Sweetie Belle look-alike. Her use of teleportation and her spell proficiency were more than a match for fire and energy. Besides, her power actually increases when her own self-centeredness gets stronger. Her magic of the Void was purely intended for use in destruction magic.

As for the remaining survivors of either team, you had a bottomless pit and an ice queen versus a bloody maniac and an apathetic graviton. It wasn't exactly a contest.

In spite of their name, the Deadly Six haven't actually shown any record of murdering anybody. I mean, maybe two or three animals died from their combined efforts with Eggman, but I could do that with my bare hands.

I guess they won't be wreaking Zavok anytime soon.

There is no Shadow of a doubt in my mind.

The winner of this round is Starlight Shadow.

And the winner of this team Death Battle is the Mean Six.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

The collaboration between the four hosts isn't done yet. They'll all need to apply their expertise to fit the villain of bad puns against the villain that got somehow got past TV-Y ratings before being cancelled mid-season.

Author's Note

Boomstick, Wiz, and RLYoshi are all updating. Better get off my rear and do the same.

Quit Irken My Hair

Please make sure that the "Formatting" in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I've got plenty of ideas left. I've also got a bunch of suggestions flowing in. It's just that my time and motivation don't always coincide with each other.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nickelodeon.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 7

All of the yelling and laughing hurts my ears.

It's time to take a step away from the dark and serious and move toward the more comical.

Comical is right. These two villains are mean, green, and ridiculously overplayed.

The self-appointed Irken Invader Zim...

... will face the Power Ponies' arch-nemesis: Mane-iac. She's N and I'm F.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Zim
-Irken "Invader" (actual rank is "Defective Frycook")
-Exiled to Earth alongside Garbage Issue Information Retrieval unit (G.I.R.)
-Inconsistent piloting skills of various spacecraft
-A masterful technician and mechanical prowess
-Very aggressive, impulsive, and negligent
-Wears a life-sustaining PAK, which has a ten-minute life limit if removed; contains mechanical spider legs, various laser blasters, jet boosters, and an auto-reset
-Highly allergic to water, Earth food, and high pitched noises

"G.I.R., I'm going down into the lab. Do not let anyone into the house."

The Irken Empire of aliens is ruled over by Red and Purple, the two Irkens with the most stature and literally titled "Tallest".

That's stupid. Well, at least they're kind of cool in the way that they invade other planets in the galaxy like aliens tend to do in science-fiction... or America.

One of the invaders chosen to participate in Operation Doom was Zim. Unfortunately, his eagerness to destroy worlds got the better of him and he ended up destroying all of the other invaders as well as a good chunk of his home planet. Whoops.

The Control Brain wasn't too happy about that and reprogrammed his rank to that of a fry cook. His sentence was to work on the planet Foodcourtia for the rest of his life.

However, Zim's attention span took a hiatus when news reached him regarding Operation Doom 2. He left his "vacation" and high-tailed it over to the announcement ceremony uninvited.

The Tallest then got a crazy idea to send their brash, exiled one to a random unknown space with a poorly constructed robot. Luckily for Zim, the coordinates actually had a planet within them: Earth.

Ever since his arrival, he has been focusing his efforts on conquering and/or destroying the planet. He might have succeeded if it weren't for his negligence in the face of some key flaws in his plans, his idiotic sidekick G.I.R., and the thwarting efforts of a human named Dib.

While his ability to hack and fly spacecraft has been pretty inconsistent, he does other machines pretty well.

"There were some glitches in the security system. But thanks to my masterful repair skills, the fortress is now impenetrable."

He's constructed a number of overly complicated torture devices, computer chambers, electro-thingamajigs, and laser weapons.

The only machine that Zim owns in which he did not have a part in constructing is his PAK. Though it resembles a normal backpack, this PAK stores all of Zim's memories and intelligence. Additionally, it contains four extendable spider limbs, jet boosters for short flight, and an auto-reset which can bring him back to life should he suffer a lethal blow. However, if this PAK gets completely detached by a strong enough force, Zim can only survive ten minutes.

On this particular iteration of Earth, hardly any of the people seem to carry enough intelligence to see through Zim's disguises which don't even try to hide his green alien skin. You'd think a techno-genius would be able to conquer this kind of planet with ease. But no, he wastes a good chunk of his time trying to out-wit Dib, a kid that's all about the paranormal and supernatural.

Maybe if he spent more time following through with his full plans instead of practicing his screaming, he could get somewhere.

But where would the fun in that be? Then he wouldn't be able to wave around his Plunger of Doom.

Wow... thanks, B. I was trying really hard to forget that that weapon existed.

You're welcome.

"I am Zim!"

---Death Battle---

Mane-iac
-Originally a worker with hair-care products
-Residence: Maretropolis
-Fell into a vat of green liquid and turned completely insane
-Has a mane that is durable, long-reaching, gripping, and elastic
-Capable of building some powerful weapons like the Hairspray Ray of Doom and a hair dryer-shaped doomsday device
-Has a tendency to monologue
-Uses "mane" puns religiously

"Time for the mane event!"

Now here's a pony that needs no introduction.

But since we know how little you folks remember over time, we'll introduce her again anyway.

In the bustling nighttime city of Maretropolis, six super-powered ponies and their draconic sidekick fight to protect their home from the destruction by one supervillain. That supervillain is the Mane-iac.

Mane-iac is a combination of several comic book villain tropes. You've got Joker's origin story of falling in acid, a green mane that acts a lot like Dr. Octopus' extra arms, and the obligatory exposition of evil plans of the Golden Age.

That mane isn't just a bad hair day. It is strong enough to lift herself and heavy equipment simultaneously.

Additionally, she's got the technical know-how to create large-scale doomsday devices. Why she needs a bunch of incompetent henchmen is beyond me, but I guess that's grunt logic for you. Still, I get really annoyed by how often she uses the word "mane" for so many bad puns. It's like listening to the Joker without him actually being funny.

F shivers in place.

Perish the world if that ever comes to pass.

"I have a city to destroy, and I'm not about to let the Power Ponies stop me! Not this time!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Various lights pass through the artificial city environment. They are supposed to be cars, but the budget only allowed room for vaguely positioned dots of the red and yellow variety. Though, this hardly matters as the camera switches over to a very specific street which has little traffic at this time of night. A wall crashes outward, sending bricks and dust everywhere. Some insane laughter fills the speakers of the audience with stereo systems. At the same time, a few green tentacle-esque limbs exit through the crashed wall.

"Wah ha ha ha ha ha! Yes! Once the mane part of my overly convoluted plan is complete, I will stroke my ego long enough to completely destroy this city and all who care to protect it! Try and stop me, Power Ponies!"

The crazy pony continues to laugh. The camera zooms out a bit as the shot transfers to a monitor within the basement laboratory of some mad scientist. Strike that. It's the basement laboratory of a mad alien. He punches the side of his keyboard in frustration.

"That filthy, weird-haired earthling horse stole my idea," he grumbles.

"No, she didn't," says his nearby robot assistant teasingly.

"Silence!"

Solid magenta eyes glare at the robot in anger. However, the robot is too busy crushing his tacos into his waffles to care about his master's anger. All the while, he sings some completely tuneless melody of his own trash mind. Realizing his current bit of yelling is pointless, the alien hops off his seat and quickly runs to his levitating elevator platform.

"G.I.R.!" he yells, "I will deal with this plan-stealer swiftly. Keep watch over the base while I'm gone and don't let anyone in."

Briefly, G.I.R. stands up and gives a salute. His eyes glow red during this moment. "Yes, my master!"

Of course as soon as the alien is lifted out of the lab and out of sight, the red glow returns to blue. G.I.R. grabs a chocolate slushy out of seemingly nowhere and sucks at the straw like there's no tomorrow.

"Foolish earth horse with stupid hair!" calls out the alien as he walks on his four mechanical, extendable limbs. "If anyone's going to destroy this planet, it's going to be me."

She turns around at his obnoxious voice. "Oh? And just who in Maretropolis are you supposed to be? Roswell?" She laughs at her own joke.

"You really are foolish," observes the alien, "The name of Zim should be known and feared by even the most simplest of life forms."

The pony chuckles, guffaws, and finally cackles. "Fancy yourself to be the mane event? You're even shorter than Humdrum. I doubt this will take too long, but go ahead. Entertain me, little green man."

"You'll rue the day you challenged an Irken Invader!" declares Zim.

"FIGHT!"

Despite the announcer's call, Mane-iac opts to lounge on a pile of her own mane like a sofa. Zim, however, rapidly advances. His mechanical limbs make a lot of whirring noises as they step along. Mane-iac yawns as one of her long split ends picks up a nearby mailbox and tosses it with little effort.

Zim smirks at the effort. His retractable metal legs retreat into his PAK as he somersaults underneath the path of the incoming mailbox. He lands in a pose before he continues running bipedally. He proceeds to leap up into a flying kick straight out of a kung fu movie.

Mane-iac finally gets up from her "sofa" and whips a couple tentacle-shaped follicles at the incoming Irken. After a few swiveling noises, Zim finds himself suspended in the air by the coils. He grunts and squirms in frustration against his bindings.

"Time for the mane entertainment," says Mane-iac with a laugh.

She then proceeds to slam Zim against the ground. Then he's lifted back up and whipped into the wall above her. She swings him back and forth several times over. All the while, Zim is screaming in the only way he can: obnoxiously. Though, each scream is interrupted by an "oof" with each collision with either pavement or brick.

One more of Zim's screams follows the path that Mane-iac finally releases and throws him... all the way to a light post. It bends at a comically accurate outline of Zim's body before he falls to the sidewalk. He lifts a hand to his chest as he slowly straightens up.

"Ugh... my squeedily spooch."

"Ready for mane 2?" cackles Mane-iac.

Oh, come on! That pun wasn't even properly placed.

Seeing as the combatants can't hear the computer's thoughts, Mane-iac proceeds to toss Zim upward without interruption. Zim grunts in determination as two spots on his PAK suddenly emit two plumes. He floats through the air at his own pace and leisure. It just so happens to be a fast and circular path.

To reduce the distance in altitudes, Mane-iac grabs her way up the side of the building via her whips for hair. She lands dramatically on one of the flat rooftops. Then, one of her split ends grabs a nearby ventilation fan blade and tosses it. Zim spins out of the way as another point extends out of his PAK and lights up. Red laser blasts shoot from this point.

The Mane-iac's eyes widen in surprise. Several pieces of her mane fall off with burn marks.

"M...My mane... My mane!" she cries out.

Zim flies in close with a blast charging up from his laser shooter.

"Victory!" he shouts as a whole lot of red sends Mane-iac over the roof's edge.

She continues to sob about her mane all the way down. Eventually, she crashes into and completely demolishes the top of a dumpster. A nearby cat hisses before scampering away.

Zim laughs maniacally before his jet boosters take him away.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Now that was a hair-raising experience.

*facehoof* Please tell me you did not do that on purpose.

Zim was pretty good when it came to out maneuvering direct assaults. But his arrogance got the better of him when he got all tangled up.

Still, that pummeling was nothing compared to the time that he was literally skinned alive by a paranoid head lice exterminator.

Mane-iac's arsenal usually consists of her own hair and whatever the streets of Maretropolis have to offer her. Unfortunately for her, that pales in comparison to the advanced technology that Zim utilizes on a regular basis.

And while Irken skin is weak against water and food, the supervillain's hair is vulnerable to any of the other hazards that normal hair is like fire, wind damage, and electric overloads.

Would you say that this was Mane-iac's bad hair day?

Hell yeah!

The winner is Zim.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Requested three times over...

The cunning masters of power...

Capturing princesses and tossing them aside...

Just remember: You asked for it.

*A golden triangle shines against the black background. It turns around and changes to look like a necklace with a unique pattern engraved on it.*

Author's Note

I have opened the floodgates. Get wet.

Centaurion Pig-Fight

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: As usual, I shall give it my all.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 8

Let's do this, Leeroy... Jenkins!

Colossal titans mark the end of a chapter in the hero's journey.

So why not face off against the biggest, baddest, and reddest of them all?

Lord Tirek, the siphoning centaur.

And Ganondorf, the bearer of the goddesses' Power.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Tirek
-Centaur from a distant land
-Family: Scorpan
-Banished to Tartarus for crimes against Equestria
-Primary power: magic absorption, which then allows him to grow in size
-Abilities gained after sufficient absorption: Immense strength, burning magical blasts, focused levitation, ground displacement
-Was able to outwit a master manipulator
-Loses some amount of wit after a certain level of power is gained
-Has shown little to no interest in absorbing magic other than from unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, alicorns, and a draconequus

"I can assure you that I am no friend."

Lord Tirek was ripped from the clutches of G1 and traveled across the lands to current Equestria with his brother Scorpan. They planned to take it for themselves and steal all the magic within it. However, Scorpan quickly grew fond of the locals and even befriended Starswirl the Bearded. After failing to convince his brother to reconsider the takeover plan, Scorpan warned Princess Celestia and Luna of his plans before returning to his yet to be named homeland. As for Tirek, he was stripped of his power and banished to Tartarus for over one thousand years.

What's up with Equestria and millennia? Is it just a rule that everything that happened one thousand years ago has to get in line to screw the princesses over and force Twilight and her friends to zap everything with rainbows to make it better?

Questionable timetables and inconveniences aside, Tirek is not one to be taken lightly. While his default form resembles a caped and old man, he has the power to increase his size and power by literally eating the magic of unicorns. He does this so thoroughly that they lose their cutie mark and their unique talent.

So... everyday magic for ponies acts like steroids for him?

Well, I suppose it does in a way. After sufficient magic is taken, he can then move on to rob pegasi of their flight ability and earth ponies of their strength and agricultural talents.

Wait, since when do the wingless, hornless horse toys have any magic to take?

They're like a working class for Equestria's hierarchy, B. Think about it. If all the farmers in the world were suddenly hospitalized all at once and the stores ran out of the food that those particular farmers were growing, what would you eat?

Burgers and brisket. Why? ... Oh... Oh s***. Carnivorous lifestyles would lead to ravaging, desperation, and eventually starvation after all the livestock is gone. Geez, Tirek really is evil... a slow and painful murderer.

That's not the worst of it. Eventually, he was able to absorb magic from the alicorn princesses and even Discord, the chaotic draconequus.

A magical vacuum cleaner with chaos magic?! We're all *eff*ed!

Hold your paranoia, B. While Tirek can take talents of other magical creatures away, he does seem to have some limitations. He cannot actually use all of the individual talents that he's taken away. Rather, the raw energy fuels his pre-existing talents of magical blasts, immense strength and durability, and levitation.

*sarcasm* Oh good, we're not going to get torn apart by the ribs and force-fed cheese. We'll just get crushed to death. *end sarcasm*

Additionally, he showed zero interest in non-pony related magic users such as dragons, changelings, and various magical artifacts.

Am I supposed to feel better about this?

If nothing else, you can at least be relieved that rainbow power sent him back to Tartarus and forced him to release all of his captive power.

Yeah, all right. I'll take any excuse I can to get high and enjoy the pretty colors.

Exactly! ... Wait, what?

"Princess Twilight! You have something that belongs to me!"

---Death Battle---

Ganondorf
-A really mean dude (sometimes a boar called Ganon); banished from his own race, the Gerudo
-Usurps ruling power from Zelda on many occasions
-Wields the Triforce of Power
-Well adept in use of spears and swords
-Can utilize some dark magic, e.g. levitation and bodily transmogrification (giant boar form)
-Has survived many fatal situations such as impalement, being stoned, falling from large heights, drowning, and even the weapons specifically designed for killing evil (Light Arrows and the Master Sword)
-Stole Captain Falcon's punch

"Join me, Link and I will make your face the greatest in Koridai... or else you will die!"

As widespread across time and space as Link and Zelda, Ganondorf takes on a variety of positions and abilities. The one constant is his unquenchable greed for power and dominion.

You'd think Zelda and her father would actually put up a fight against this ginger chuckle *eff*. But you'd be wrong. He's gained control of Hyrule more times than Zelda has been kidnapped.

Ganondorf is strong and crafty. He often carries a sword and can take several weapon strikes before staying down for the count. This is thanks in part to him wielding the Triforce of Power, granting him even more physical prowess and fueling some of his darker magic.

Ginger-dork can float around, overshadow unconscious bodies, increase his sword's power with shadow strikes, and even transform into a giant pig... demon... thing. It's a giant piece of pork. What else can I say?

In his ultimate form, Ganon towers over even Goliath and has impossibly high strength that requires evil-slaying weapons to properly bring down. Variants to this giant boar can charge around, smash through rocks, and mow down anything else in his path.

At some point, the force of space itself decided that the overpowered dark king wasn't powerful enough. It granted him slower copies of Captain Falcon's iconic moves and abilities. Seriously, did he really need all of this?

Is it any more ludicrous than having a magical book be his weakness?

...

B?

I'm thinking! Give me a minute.

"He was known as a demon thief, an evil magic wielder renowned for his ruthlessness."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

But first, a word from our non-existent sponsors.

---Death Battle---

Ever wanted to support your favorite Youtube channels but never knew how to do so? Well, wonder no more. For just a few cents per video, you can use a Patreon account to send your hard earned cash to support their shows. Sometimes there's even cool art and goodies you can get for providing a certain amount of funds. Go to patreon.com to support the creators you love. Back to you, B.

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The screen opens up and appears to be interrupting a crucial story scene. Magic makes some squeaky and horny sounds as it gets pulled out of Discord's mouth and into Tirek's. The giant centaur lord drops the now empty abomination and stomps off.

"Surely you saw this coming," suggests a caged Applejack.

"I didn't," Discord clings onto Scorpan's medallion. "I truly didn't."

A light of swirling energy comes in out of nowhere. When the light show ends, Tirek is nowhere to be found. The ponies and draconequus stare at the empty spot in even further confusion.

Through the rubble of his fallen fortress, Ganondorf rises. His mere presence creates a huge ring of fire, cutting off Link and Navi from Zelda. As he floats in place, he lifts his fist. The golden triangle shines brightly upon the back of his hand. But before he can really tap into his anger and magic, he gets whisked away by some unknown swirling energy.

The remaining warrior, fairy, and princess stare at the empty air, completely stupefied.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away...

I'm not sure why, but the arena is covered in desert sand and giant red pillars. Occasional clouds mark the otherwise clear blue sky. A large distortion pops up and Tirek steps through. He slowly looks around his new surroundings. A few yards away, a smaller distortion in space opens up and reveals a levitating Ganondorf. His blue glow diminishes a bit as he observes his sudden change in location.

"And just what are you supposed to be?" asks the unamused centaur.

A text box appears at the bottom of the screen as the camera focuses on Ganondorf. It reads, "... Wow. What a rip-off."

"Is that a challenge?" Tirek clenches his fists.

Ganondorf chuckles deeply as his text box reads, "No, it's your death sentence."

"FIGHT!"

An orange ball of energy forms between Tirek's horns. He then directs it in a blast aimed at his enemy's position. Ganondorf calmly glides to the side and floats forward. Tirek fires another hot blast, but the opponent levitates above it. He then ducks under a third blast before floating right next to the centaur's face.

The man holds his fist back before deliberately throwing a punch. The sound effects guy completes the stolen image with an eagle screech. Tirek flinches and actually takes a step back. He turns his head forward before lifting his own fist. But instead of throwing a punch, an orange outline marks his hand. Ganondorf finds himself covered in the same colored highlight before getting launched at one of the nearby red pillars at breakneck speed.

Now, the pillar has a Ganondorf shaped crater in it. He audibly groans a bit before seeing Tirek charging at the pillar without touching the ground. From the faraway camera, the audience sees a cloud of smoke separating the bottom of the pillar from the crumbling top. Zooming back in reveals Ganondorf caught between the centaur's horns.

Ganondorf pulls out a large sword and drives it down into the giant head. Tirek lets out a roar and lifts a hand to grab the irritation. The Gerudo finds himself flung off into the air once more. His dark magic enables him to slow to a gentle floating. He glides in for some more action.

Tirek grabs another red pillar, lifts it out of the sand, and tosses it. At the last possible second before it hits the sandy ground, Ganondorf glides past the bottom of the pillar and continues his forward path. He takes a few more heavy swings at Tirek's head. After wincing and roaring, the centaur reaches up and clasps the Gerudo between his palms. It seems that he means to squish his enemy right here and now.

The text box reads, "..."

Anger reinvigorates the blue light that surrounds Ganondorf's body. His shape deforms. There are signs of struggle on Tirek's face as his hands are suddenly forced to open up. Darkness is cast on the arena that was once in broad daylight. Two jagged weapons lift up in the large grips of this new creature. Its face resembles the horned visage of a boar.

Ganon

Oh, thank you, subtitles. Anyway, Tirek attempts to topple this new foe with a ground pound. Several dusty rocks rise up and Ganon shakes on his feet a bit. However, the Gerudo-turned-pig swings his giant blades down. His hands are caught by Tirek who now stands in front of him. A large push-of-war shakes the atmosphere. Lightning crashes around them even though it has no reason to do so.

Wait... I sense a disturbance in the force...

Computer, quit talking in moon speak- Wait! What is that white ring of portal doing there in the sky? That isn't supposed to happen is it? Some faded-color outlines fly through the opening in space-time. They reveal... the Mane Six! They're all in their rainbow power forms!

"We'll handle tall, red, and ugly!" hollers Rainbow Dash. "You take the pork chop, little green man!"

A young man in a bright, green tunic jumps off of her back. Magic shines forth in six colors from the super ponies as the Master Sword gleams.

"Sayaa!"

Tirek finds himself washed over in so many colors of light. At the same time, Ganon gets a new skull piercing... in his forehead. The entire screen gets washed away in white as the two beasts roar.

When the lights finally clear, the split-screen camera appears. On the left, a statue of Ganondorf stands with the Master Sword stuck in him. On the right, a much smaller and weaker Tirek grabs helplessly at the cage in Tartarus.

"Time Out!"

---Death Battle---

What is this? I don't even!

The lords of darkness are both powerful in their own right. Given time and effort, they could eventually conquer the worlds they sought to control. However, both of them have specifically light-based weaknesses.

Yeah, I guess so. Ganon-dork can only be nullified and/or killed by light-based magic and Tirek is specifically weak to friendship rainbows.

Both of their powers rely mainly on dark and/or destruction magic. Additionally, Tirek could not directly absorb Ganondorf's magic because it is granted through the Triforce of Power, not Equestrian magic. Because of these factors, it would take a boatload of stamina on either parties' accounts to fully overpower the other.

In the end, they got their just desserts in the desert.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

She never asked for this.

"Lyra!"

She never had a choice.

...

"Son, that was not a request. That was an order. Go out and make some friends!"

Author's Note

I don't know why you wanted this, but here it is.

Side Battle: Augmentation vs. Flatulation

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: It doesn't get much more random than two completely different mediums clashing against each other. Oh, and before I forget... Spoiler Alert!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Melon Hunter, Eidos Montreal, Square Enix, Obsidian Entertainment, and South Park Digital Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 10

When I tried to get Adam Jensen in this action, he imitated Batman and faded into the shadows.

Mankind is on the brink of new technological advances. Some of these involve enhancements directly applied to the body.

But not everybody will take these enhancements willingly. Exhibit A is Bon Bon, a pony caught up in the Equine Revolution.

Forced destinies also exist in the realm of fantasy or in this next combatant's case, a town-wide role-playing game.

Enter King Douchebag, chosen warrior of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep and protector of the Stick of Truth.

He's F and I'm N and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Bon Bon
-Species: Earth Pony; augmented unicorn horn
-Previous occupations: candymaker, police officer, researcher
-Training in basic disarming and quiet knockouts
-Augments include: levitation, telepathy, hacking, social amplifier, "tag 'n' track", trickster invisibility, foldable blades, STARE
-Using any augment too heavily will tire her out quickly
-Weapons of choice: a tranquiliser dart rifle; a stun gun (close-quarters)
-Sometimes emotionless, sometimes too aggressive or cold in conversation
-Not so good with children

"Lyra, you're terrible at keeping things hidden. There's something else you want to tell me, isn't there?"

"Well... yes."

In the distant future of nineteen years after this Death Battle is written and published, Equestria has become run by corporate interests and technology has advanced beyond what any pony thought possible.

That fourth wall joke aside, things have pretty much reached a cross between Human Revolution's augmentation concept and Fallout: Equestria's ministry leaders, though there are a few differences to keep the reader guessing.

History is written by the victors, but the real winners' identities are as clear as mud.

Enter Bon Bon: former candy-maker of Ponyville, former police officer of Canterlot, and now researcher and errand girl of Sparkle Industries, aptly named after Twilight Sparkle.

Many of the vocal bronies will be happy to know that Bon Bon and Lyra are each other's special somepony in this iteration.

Unfortunately, Lyra pulls a Dr. Reed and ends up presumedly dead. On the plus side, that same attack inside the Deep Labs leads to a cool cyborg makeover for our voice-confused, lozenge cutie-marked pony.

Though, it took a long time for her to consider it a plus. Most of her body is unrecognizable to her original self. Augments run in lieu of her missing or damaged organs, her irises have been replaced by golden receptors, and her hooves fold out into blades or mechanical paws depending on how furious she is.

Don't forget that bad*ss long coat!

But the biggest pain to her heart was her new horn augment created by Lyra, the very lover that she lost on that fateful night.

This horn aug was super top secret and as far as we know, no one else in this story's universe has it. So you know that it's kind of a big deal.

These augments aren't just for show. Bon Bon knows just about all the ins and outs regarding usual aug enchantments, normal degradation cycles, and standard deviations... the type of math that F could never quite grasp.

Hey!

Heh heh... In unrelated news, did you know that Mom gave up her wings in this universe's iteration of her?

Oh yeah, Twilight's whole "I'm no better than anybody else" spiel. Been there, done that. Holy crap! Spike in this universe is freaking huge!

If I may return the subject back to Bon Bon...

Holy crap, I've seen a lot of dragons, but this Spike takes the cake... and probably ate it too.

*ahem* Aside from the expected levitation that comes naturally to all unicorns, Bon Bon's horn aug has a built in telepathic link called the Hydra aug, allowing her to speak directly to other telepaths with her thoughts.

Get out of my head. Get out of my head!

It also carries an aug that can hack computers. Technically, this is illegal. But it fits right up Colgate's alley in this universe.

So the author made Colgate their Francis Pritchard? Suddenly, my teeth don't feel so safe anymore.

Underneath her jacket, Bon Bon wears padded chest armor, essentially a bulletproof vest. Her standard "firearm" is the P-21 Naptime, a tranquiliser dart rifle powered by compressed air and completely concealable in public.

Perfect for making dummies for my favorite game show: "Where Will You Wake up Next?"

She has plenty of years in close-quarters combat training, both with the police and with her months of recovery after the augments were put in place.

A Matrix agent is nice, but going after Jensen's own heart for stealth gives this background pony even higher rungs on my personal bad*ss ladder.

When did you have time to construct...? You know what? I don't want to know. Some other capabilities granted through Bon Bon's augments include a temporary invisibility cloak, a wall-crushing power buck, and an eerily well-constructed imitation of Fluttershy's stare.

Wait... you don't mean the stare... do you?

Does she have another?

F shudders in his seat.

Spooky.

"I'm really that provoking? ... Who am I kidding? Of course I am."

---Death Battle---

King Douchebag
-Other aliases: New Kid, Dragonborn
-Class: Jew
-"Magic": Dragonshout, Cup-a-spell, Sneaky Squeaker, Nagasaki
-Class-specific Abilities: Sling of David, Jew-Jitsu, Circum-scythe, Whirling Doom, Plagues of Egypt
-Can make friends on facebook faster than any other person alive (3.2 billion friends at age five)
-Wields: Sweet Katana (from "the best store at the mall"); Crossbow of Impalement (can hit rows of enemies and is strong against armor)
-Wears: The Crown of Thorns (deals extra damage when burning, hurts melee attackers); Holy Robes (take less damage when bleeding, deal more damage when grossed out); Holy Ring (deal more damage when bleeding, adds Holy damage on a perfect strike)
-Single-handedly thwarted an alien invasion
-Shows the player just how creepy a silent protagonist would be in a realistic setting

"Are you sure you want to keep the name 'Douchebag'?"

Considered to take place after the entire South Park series, the events of The Stick of Truth focus on the adventure of the New Kid in town.

After scouring his new home for loose change, his parents ordered him to go out at make some friends. He accidentally stumbled into the middle of a role-playing game that spanned the entire town of South Park.

Regardless of what New Kid tried to type on an invisible keyboard, the wizard in charge insisted on dubbing him "Douchebag". To add insult to injury, his warrior class is "Jew".

However, this wasn't such a bad thing. Over the course of several battles, New Kid unlocked several abilities that allowed him to fight druid elves and Nazi zombies alike.

He can imitate the boy shepherd with Sling of David, cut his enemies' armor in half with Circum-scythe, wipe away the crazy*ss buffs with Whirling Doom, and conjure snakes, frogs, and a stinky cloud with Plagues of Egypt. Surely, he must be a son of God.

New Kid has learned four magic... um... "spells" with a speed worthy of the name Dragonborn.

Despite its name, Dragonshout is a literal fart in someone's face. He was then taught how to throw his fart in a straight line with Cup-a-spell.

The Sneaky Squeaker is a smaller version of this which can be controlled around corners for distracting enemies.

But the strongest spell in Dovahkiin's arsenal is the Nagasaki: an earth-shaking expulsion of flatulence that can crumble cracked rocks or turn a nearby flame into a huge fiery explosion.

Some unusual tricks were granted to the New Kid through an alien invasion and gnome panty thieves.

He can use extraterrestrial, mechanical eyes to teleport with his anal probe. With the gnome dust, he can shrink and crawl into small spaces. However, he never really uses these tricks in the heat of battle.

After defeating the Lord of Darkness Clyde, he was promoted to the position of King of Kupa Keep and granted garments to match his rank.

Basically, he was given identifiers that imitated Jesus, complete with a crown of thorns, holy robes, and a ring that grants extra holy damage.

He is proficient with the Sweet Katana in melee combat and utilizes the Crossbow of Impalement for ranged attacks and plowing through rows of enemies.

A cliche government agent wanted to recruit Dragonborn for his ability to make facebook friends faster than any other man alive. Though, those plans were quickly smashed when he... *mmph*... I'm sorry. He... *snrk*... hee hee...

*sigh* He farted on Princess Kenny's testicles.

BAH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

If we can learn anything from this Dragonborn, it's that being a silent protagonist is disadvantageous for telling somebody something important.

"Screw you guys. I'm going home."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

This town is a wreck. I guess that isn't too surprising as there are various pieces of a spaceship's debris still sticking out of the road in random places. As the silent hero rocks back and forth in a stunted hopping motion, his eyes remain wide open. He looks around, possibly wondering why there are small flickers of fire here and there. That, or he's wondering if his parents will actually remember to feed him tonight. It's hard to tell when there isn't a Player 1 role-playing the part.

Suddenly, there's a division. There is no reason or explanation for this sudden shift in scenery. It's just there. Out in front of this kid is a street straight out of an imagined depiction of the not too distant future. It looks like somewhat tech-heavy skyscrapers, though there are a few rural cars and trashcans sitting around. Though, the 'hero' seems a bit more distracted by the immediate obstacle on the sidewalk. He's used to whacking random people with his weapon. He decides to swing his katana at the pony-shaped obstruction.

"Ow! What the...?" The pony turns around and stares at her attacker with glowing, golden irises. The rest of her body looks like something out of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. The kid hops off the sidewalk onto the open street. At the same time, two sunglass lenses snap into place over the pony's eyes.

"FIGHT!"

Bon Bon flicks out a rifle from her inventory. She aims it forward and a puff of air is quietly released. By some miracle, New Kid raises his katana to just the right height to deflect an incoming orange dart. He then proceeds to pull out a... cup of coffee. (Where was he keeping that?) He takes a quick sip and spits out the awful taste. After dropping the cup, he reaches behind him, pulls out a sock, spins it in place, and flings a couple rocks. Bon Bon jumps away from the first rock and rolls under the second.

With the caffeine still running through his body, New Kid somehow takes out a scythe and quickly runs forward. He takes a low, short swing with it. The augmented pony stomps right down on the scythe before turning around and bucking the kid right in his face. The kid slides a bit before turning around and running back to his starting position.

Bon Bon takes cautious steps to her left, never taking her sight off of her opponent. During this time, New Kid pulls out a can of Red Bull and drains its contents. He then proceeds to wave his hands around the air like he just doesn't care. Thunder booms in the vicinity. A cloud starts raining. Its precipitation is composed completely of frogs and snakes! Bon Bon rears up in surprise and hastily tries to levitate some of the nearby amphibians and reptiles with her magic. But her efforts become moot when a skull composed entirely of green smoke rushes right into her face and around her.

The skull cloud eventually clears, but Bon Bon's face looks a bit greener. While she is busy losing her lunch, New Kid quickly devours his own. (Where did he get an entire plate of meatloaf?) He turns around and sticks his rear end in his sick opponent's direction. A little air squeaks and wiggles down there. Similarly, the entire street seems to wobble.

After shaking her head from the nausea, Bon Bon looks up. She tilts her head in confusion at the kid's position. Though, the rumbling quickly alerts her. She feels prompted to look behind and above her. Her mouth opens at the sight of some loose spacecraft debris losing its placidity. A wave of light runs over her entire hide and she vanishes from the audience's sight.

Nagasaki

The subtitle reads on the bottom just as New Kid lets it rip. The purple pieces cover the ground of where his opponent was standing just a moment ago. The dust clears, but the pony is nowhere to be seen. He holds his sword up cautiously, awaiting a potential attack from the front. A sudden shock is sent through his entire spine. He crumbles to the ground with eyes shut just as another wave of light reveals Bon Bon. She stuffs her stun gun away before stepping closer.

One front hoof unfolds into a cyber-paw, grabs New Kid's head, and spins around a couple of times. The other front hoof unsheathes a metal blade before being jammed into his neck. Both hooves pull back and a squirt of blood spills. They resume a slightly more equine appearance as she turns away from her finished task.

"K.O.!"

"This wasn't what I would have asked for," says Bon Bon. Her sunglass lenses slip back to reveal her closed, sad eyes.

---Death Battle---

Roll over, Baraka! We just found a new Tommy Scissor-Hands!

Um... what?

Yeah, I don't have a clue what I just said either.

*ahem* There were plenty of opportunities where this battle could have gone either way. The New Kid's arsenal and move types were more than capable of matching Bon Bon's advanced augments.

I certainly never knew a butt could be weaponized to that degree. Ha ha!

But even though his individual moves are unpredictable, his battle strategy follows a rather straightforward pattern.

Sure, he can call on the forces of rocks and frogs and amp his attacks up with fire and electrical patches. But he always stands in one spot when he isn't attacking. Plus, he never thinks to break RPG etiquette by using a full-blown attack when it's the enemy's turn. Too bad for him, Bon Bon doesn't have ye olden manners.

Bon Bon is much more active in the field and keeps moving to avoid hazards. She may prefer using non-lethal methods if she can help it, but the tools at her hoof tips are more suited for a finishing blow than the New Kid's.

She wasn't the hero that Douchebag needed, but she was the one he deserved.

Wrong gritty source, F. The winner is Bon Bon.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

That beautiful thirty-pound mustache is coming back. Can any pony take his challenge?

"YEAH!"

Author's Note

Tell me how you really feel.

Chapter 88: Five Nights to Fail

I suppose lighting doesn't really matter in this chapter's case.

All properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

Here comes something you really weren't waiting for!

Five Lightning Rounds

Five fights!

All action!

No research!

Start that clock and... GO!

---Nightmare Slender vs. Freddy Fazbear---

A somewhat rusty robot that resembles a teddy bear hangs out on the stage. Outside, the sun slowly goes down. An off-screen grandfather clock strikes the midnight hour. The scene changes to become much darker. Something red that resembles blood starts flowing out of the bear's mouth. Static blocks the visual for a second before a new entity enters the scene.

It appears to be a pale white man in a business suit. The only visible part that isn't white is his strange, flowing hairstyle. The bear's eyes abruptly turn toward this intruder.

Begin!

In an instant, the bear is up in the "man's" face. It lets out a noise exactly similar to a screaming lady while waving its limbs around. It appears that it's grabbing the intruder. But the table is quickly turned as the slender man suddenly grows tentacles out of nowhere and punches holes in every single one of the bear's mechanical joints. Fazbear falls to pieces.

Fight over!

The winner is... Nightmare Slender!

All right, who's next?

---Nightmare Slender vs. Bonnie the Bunny---

Sparks come from a nearby doorway. A purple animatronic animal that looks suspiciously similar to the bear quickly wanders in. Its right arm is missing, exposing the robo-endoskeleton where its arm should be. Its eyes briefly flash black and then red.

Begin!

The bear-shaped rabbit charges forward and grabs Nightmare Slender's neck area with its exposed robotic arm. It lets out a scream identical to Freddy's. Static briefly covers the screen. When the visual is restored, the audience sees four of Slender's tentacles wrapped around the robot, holding it up near the ceiling. A bit of popping and sparking is heard before this robot falls to pieces as well, joining the scattered remains of the brown bear robot.

Fight over!

The winner is... Nightmare Slender!

Third fight, will it be the charm?

---Nightmare Slender vs. Chica the Chicken---

A large yellow bird animatronic enters the scene. It's head and limbs spasm uncontrollably. However, its stare is constantly on the threat that is presently in its territory. Either this chicken seeks to avenge its fallen animatronic comrades, or it's really hungry for some new cuisine.

Begin!

Static covers the screen. When the camera comes back, Chica is screaming in the tall man's face. Her teeth are all exposed as her beak clamps down on the enemy's head. Another burst of static blocks the next second before revealing a long, sharp blade of pure night sky cutting through the artificial bird's head. It slides down vertically before the robot chicken is sliced into neat halves on the floor. Oddly enough, its spasming has stopped.

Fight over!

The winner is... Nightmare Slender!

Four: Asia's number of death!

---Nightmare Slender vs. Foxy the Pirate Fox---

For whatever reason, the next contestant doesn't show up... at least not right now.

Begin!

Several rapid footsteps can be heard. Though there is no sign of worry, Nightmare Slender casually looks at the door on the left. In an instant, a fox animatronic dressed up in pants and an eye patch leaps forward. Its scream is identical to its animatronic brethren. One of Nightmare Slender's tentacles launches and catches Foxy in the middle of its attack. Part of his nightmarish hair conjures lightning and channels it down his tentacle. Foxy's eyes glitter while the rest of his body sputters. It falls to the floor in a charred, unmoving heap.

Fight over!

The winner is... Nightmare Slender!

Final scuffle!

---Nightmare Slender vs. Go-

Yeah... I'm going to have to stop you right there.

Wait, what?

Let me just make a slight adjustment... and... there! That's much better.

---Nightmare Slender vs. ~~Golden Freddy~~The Crimson F-er---

That's odd. I could have sworn that a golden version of Freddy was supposed to be the last fight on this script.

Let's dance!

The screen suddenly gets filled with a lot more red. Eyes, teeth, and hands all pool out in a glob of bloodiness from the sudden vampire's appearance. Static flashes as Nightmare Slender launches forth all of his tentacles at once. Several cards dance around and mince up one of his tentacles. Another is blown clean off by a twisting and turning bullet fire that can't decide which way it wants to go. A hellhound chomps down on the third tentacle. Alucard's Hellsing pistol blasts off the last one in a strange, purplish goo.

An unholy scream of scrambled tones rings out of Slender's non-existent throat. Two blood globs in the shape of farmers stick their pitchforks into his body. Another one shoots five-millimeter handgun bullets against his torso. Finally, Alucard's own fangs chomp down and bite straight through, completely destroying Slender's physical head. His globs slowly flow back into him. He resumes his usual attire of red coat and hat. A purple cloud puts on his sunglasses before being sucked into his left arm.

He laughs proudly in the only way Takahata101 can.

Fight over!

Um... I guess the winner is... Alucard!

Do you want more unresearched action like this? Let us know in the comments below.

Don't forget to check back next time for a proper-length Death Battle with all the trimmings.

*Ahem!* I said, "Next time on Death Battle..."

"Yeah! P is for Rainbow Dash! ... Never mind!"

"You'd make a great wrestler yourself."

Author's Note

This has been Five Lightning Rounds. Thank you and good night!

Bulging Biceps

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: In retrospect, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Capcom.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 9

And they don't even need spinach.

When it comes to bare bones brawling, it often comes down to who makes better use of their muscles.

The bigger they are, the harder they brawl!

Bulk Biceps, the G4 pony that has more muscle than he knows what to do with it.

And the manliest mayor of all time, Mike Haggar!

I'm W and he's B, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Bulk Biceps
-Known by Snowflake/Roid Rage to many bronies
-Huge upper body muscles, but very small wingspan
-Can clear clouds simply by biting them
-Can endure tornados made with 800 wingpower
-Has difficulty starting any flight
-Can crush a average-sized pony's spine with little effort
-Has a soft heart for children and pretty clothes
-Doesn't take well to harsh criticism or butterflies

"Yeah!"

When a hurricane is necessary or the Equestria Games need competitors, all pegasi are called in for duty including Bulk Biceps.

What kind of steroids does a pony have to take to get that jacked up?

I don't know. They never really specified what supplements he's been using.

Essence of Hulk Hogan?

Even though his forelimb muscles are impressive, his wingspan is possibly the most disproportionate compared to his overall mass.

Arnold Schwarzen-bigger!

He takes a lot of effort just to get off the ground. But once he does, he can usually keep up with the average pegasus pony and even withstand the strong winds along a tornado's circumference. As the tornado necessary to lift water into Cloudsdale is about 800 wingpower and Rainbow Dash's average is 16.5 wingpower, that means he can withstand at least the air pressure created by 48 Rainbow Dashes all at once.

Jeff Gordon?

Despite his ability to crush a fellow pony with his own spine, he's actually quite softhearted. He's willing to do training favors for fillies and play dress-up for Rarity's... more eccentric tastes.

The opposite odor of Justin Bieber!

However, this leaves him vulnerable to everyday occurrences like a passing butterfly or serious criticism regarding his mistakes.

Yours Truly! ... Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something?

In short, Bulk Biceps can deliver pain but he just can't take it.

Like my ex-wife!

"We'll make them proud!"

---Death Battle---

Mike Haggar
-Proud Scottish ancestry
-Weight: 266 lbs; Height: 6'7"
-Holds, grabs, quick strikes, submissions, tie-ups
-Scottish Backhold, Suplex, Spinning Pile Driver, Spinning Clothesline Double Lariat,
-Carries a blunt pipe
-Wrestles bull sharks: up to 11 ft long and 500 lbs
-Has been forced to prioritize politics
-Moves are from an older era

"Mike Haggar... the candidate that puts people first!"

Good thing PETA isn't here to halt the eagle punching.

Ha ha, yeah! I love our power to do anything! This is a man I can properly respect and we're bringing him back to life.

My sentiments exactly, B. Mike Haggar is an old wrestler with the blood of Scotsmen running through his veins.

He stands at six-foot-seven and weighs a solid 266 pounds. Hold me, W. I think I'm going to faint.

Don't go to sleep yet, B. We still have yet to talk about the good stuff.

Oh, that's right! Unlike your average politician who does boring stuff like passing laws or increasing the police force, he takes matters into his own hands and fights crime with his own two fists.

This is made possible through his wide array of moves like holds, grabs, and quick strikes.

His signature moves are his Spinning Clothesline Double Lariat and Pile Driver.

The second of which, he mastered by wrestling bull sharks into the beach. These sharks can grow up to eleven feet long and weigh nearly five hundred pounds.

He should get a job as a lifeguard for those surfers that constantly lose their limbs to shark bites.

When he needs just a little more "oomph" behind his blows, Mike carries a blunt pipe.

Oh, yeah! He recycles.

While he hasn't had time recently to fight new opponents, his moves are from a slightly dated time period.

They're not broken if they work for him just fine.

Right you are, B. Right you are.

"Don't mess with the mayor!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Huh? What are we doing looking at a garbage-filled alleyway in the middle of SIM City?

Give me just a minute. *click* ... *click*

Oh, it seems we're not going to try to give them a reason to fight. Computer just dragged their icons into the makeshift arena. Mike Haggar flexes and rips through his business suit. Similarly, Bulk Biceps tenses up his front body muscles and rips apart the flowery blue outfit.

There is a transition of the screen over to Carousel Boutique. A sudden spark flashes through the screen as Rarity lands on her rear. The look in her eyes is distraught. Her sister rushes down the steps and tries to shake her out of her frozen state.

"Rarity, what's wrong?" asks Sweetie Belle.

"I... don't know," admits Rarity. "I sensed... a disturbance. It felt as if two fabulous outfits were crying out in terror... only to be silenced."

Cut back to the alley and the two combatants look ready and bulky.

"FIGHT!"

Both the man and the pony jump forward, shaking the camera in the process. Haggar's hands grip either side of Bulk. Biceps holds out his front hooves against Mike's chest. There's a sound akin to an earthquake rumbling. After a few seconds of shaking and grunting, Bulk flips and throws his back into it. Mike slides back a few inches from the impact.

Biceps' cheeks swell, indicating huffing and puffing while his wings buzz like crazy. "Yeah!" He finally gets... about three feet off the ground. Haggar rubs off the smudge on his chest with one sweep of his hand. He takes a charging leap and points both feet in front of him. The kick collides and Bulk flinches both horizontally and vertically.

Before gravity can catch up to him, Haggar pulls out a lead pipe and swings it against the pony's body. The impact seems to wak Bulk up from flinching just as he lands all four hooves on the ground. He charges forward and headbutts the man, sending Mike for a slight collision with a half-filled trash can. Though, he quickly gets up with about the same determination as he had before.

Biceps flies in for another charge, but something quickly holds back his wings: Haggar's clenched fists. While Biceps opens his eyes wide, Haggar spins around with his new pony-shaped weight in hold. He then flings the big white pony up into the air. A twinkle shines in Haggar's eyes as he makes a powerful leap.

Haggar grabs Bulk's back legs and spins around faster than ever. Both fighters head for the ground faster than a droplet from the nearby gutter. The crash with pavement is rather loud as a dust cloud briefly blocks the view. The droplet finally splatters against a puddle on the ground.

As the dust clears, the audience can see Haggar clapping dust off his hands before holding them against his hips proudly. As we turn to see Bulk's upside-down body, his head can't be seen due to being buried deeply in the concrete.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Now this is why he gets my vote!

While fights can happen quickly, this wasn't a cakewalk for the wrestling mayor. Bulk's feats of being able to survive at least two tornadoes, bench pressing a fellow pony, and being able to crush them with his own spine meant he was no pushover. However, fighting experience along with Haggar's own strength against the wild were the pushing factors.

To withstand a thrashing shark into the beach requires a lot of physical endurance and willpower. That pony might've stood a better chance if he joined Fluttershy's bear massaging practice.

In addition to the force of gravity, Mike's spinning piledriver adds strain in the form of torque that adds even more strain on the internal organs. While fast opponents like Lightning Dust have only nicked Bulk's shoulder with such impacts, Haggar's appliance of pressure is a bit more brutal. He even once held off the planet-eater Galactus alongside other Capcom heroes.

I can hear the Roid Rage from all the Snowflake fans now.

The winner is Mike Haggar.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

*bzzzzz*

What's that noise?

*Bzzzzz*

No! No! Augh! They're in my visual photoreceptors! Augh!

Queen of the Hive

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I guess that last "Next Time" was a bit misleading. Sorry, Nicolas Cage fans.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screwattack, Nintendo, and Gamefreak.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 10

Was the director joking about his previous narrators dying? I seem to be fine.

The insect kingdom is swarming with hundreds if not thousands of different species.

They prefer quantity over quality, all giving their lives to serve their ungrateful queens.

Chrysalis, the queen of the changelings.

And Vespiquen, queen of the Combees.

To allow room to test their battle orders, each will be allowed to bring five of their bug-like subjects to join their fight against each other.

Why do they get five subordinates? Well, that's easy. Five subjects plus one queen equals six team members. It's like a six-on-six Pokemon battle.

Exactly.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

(Team) Chrysalis
-Species: Changeling
-Ability: Shapeshifting, but not ability copy
-Powers: Levitation, magical beams, battering flame, voice mimicking, surface-climbing
-Feed on love energy
-Strong in numbers
-The subjects can be knocked out fairly easily individually
-The queen can get arrogant when she's winning

"Twilight and her friends will-"

Twilight and her friends get ushered into the room, flanked by changelings.

"You were saying?"

In folklore, changelings were depicted as the offspring of fairies or trolls that were secretly left in the place of human children. The swapped offspring would then feed and gain strength from the human mother's nurture and care.

Ah, breast milk. Anyway, somebody thought it would be a great idea to create a horse-fly and call it that, even though these changelings can swap places with any pony toy, not just the child. Though, I'm sure they could still suckle the-

It is currently unknown what the diet of changelings is composed of. However, Chrysalis stated that they can increase their strength by feeding off of love and that Equestria was practically a banquet.

So wait, your big plan involved invading the capital with your army, instill fear in the populace, and then feed off their love for you. Anyone else smell bull*ess*?

Confusing as her plans may be, she has proven to be a cunning manipulator. For an unspecified amount of time, she was able to replace Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and feed off the love of Shining Armor and brainwash him and a number of other unsuspecting ponies.

Oh, so she slept with them! Wait, wouldn't that make her a succubus?

Regardless, the changelings' capabilities are not to be taken lightly. While opening portals between the surface and underground is specific to their queen, the rest can still use their own bodies to act as battering rams to break through magical barriers. If they need to deal with physical barriers, they need only to surround themselves in a plume of green fire.

How does that even work? I only saw metal armor being worn by about five of those horseflies. Where do you get those kinds of sparks?

I suspect dark magic had something to do with it.

Well, speaking of magical bugs, the changelings also have some weird surface tension that allows them to crawl on walls and ceilings when they don't feel like flying. The downside of being bug-like is that they can be crushed about as easily.

Indeed, a good kick to the face or a blast of Twilight's stun beam can quickly knock them down for the count. Still, that doesn't count their ability to trap victims in green goo while off screen or Chrysalis' own ability to vaporize material simply by shooting it.

But what is it with villains and their egos getting in the way right as they're about to claim victory over their prize? I mean the thing that gave her more strength than the sun's archangel actually surprised her when two lovebirds blasted her away with Expecto Patronum! What the hell?

Maybe she went to the same classes about being evil as Dr. Eggman. They're both geniuses in their own way, but they never successfully took over for very long.

Well, let's see what her team can do here.

"It's all over!"

---Death Battle---

(Team) Vespiquen
-Type: Bug/Flying
-The queen's stats are below average; speed is abysmal
-Vespiquen's attacks: Defend Order, Power Gem, Heal Order, Attack Order
-Individual Combee's attacks: Sweet Scent, Gust, Bug Bite, Bug Buzz
-Each Combee has okay speed, but abysmal stats overall
-Follow the queen's orders and direction without question
-Extremely weak against rocks, fire, and lightning

It releases various pheromones to make the grubs in its body do its bidding while fighting foes.

Heavily sought by Floaroma Town for her sweet honey, Vespiquen rules over a hive of wall-like Combee.

Wait, wait, wait! Are you telling me that we had a bee Pokemon back in the very first generation but it took them three more to come up with a queen bee and then they decided to turn the honeycombs into Pokemon by adding faces to them?

They're called Gamefreak, B. I doubt logic is going to prevent them from making new redundant Pocket Monsters.

Dang it, you got me there.

Vespiquen can only evolve from a female Combee.

That's sexist! What about all those Combee that want to be drag queens? Who's going to support their dreams?

Uh... *ahem* Supposedly, there are grubs that live underneath Vespiquen's body that attack and defend for her.

Wait, what kind of Pokemon are the grubs?

I... don't know. There's no good visual of them outside of gameplay.

I really don't think a dozen Combee are going to fit up that woman's skirt.

Er... How about we move onto stats and attacks? Each individual Combee has an abysmal stat pool, preferring to work together as a wall than fight on their own. While Vespiquen's stats are slightly better than her subjects, her speed suffers heavily when she spends her days at the center of the hive.

Most of her attacks involve barking orders at her subjects. Hell, they've even got "Order" in their names. Defend Order and Heal Order increase her defensive power and recover her health respectively. Attack Order sends her grubs or Combee out to... well, attack her enemy. What else would it do?

That leaves room for one more attack in her arsenal: Power Gem. It's the most common move that she wields on her own and hurls bright glowing gemstones at the opponent.

It's a glass house's worst nightmare.

They're not exactly going to win official tournaments anytime soon with their less-than-average stats, but you can be assured that they will not simply hand you a victory if you face them.

They don't have hands to begin with! ... or legs for that matter.

"Beequen!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

Don't forget to use "OFF!" for all your insect repellant needs and Benadryl for those nasty red spots after they've set fire to your skin. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Business around the dark and dank hive seems to be about usual. Various subjects that look exactly like each other fly around. Their wings give off insect-like buzzing. Suddenly, a huge and bright yellow line cuts through the area. All the bugs cover their eyes against the intrusive light. When it finally dies down enough to see, the queen's eyes snap to attention. What is this other hive intruding upon hers? With a single barked order, her five bravest warriors come to her aid. Angry glares are exchanged between enemies.

"FIGHT!"

Vespiquen used Attack Order!

Uh... thanks, subtitle. Way to take my job away from me. Well, whatever. The five Combee fly forward with their angry emoticon faces.

"Go!" Chrysalis indicates forward.

The changelings take aerial leaps against the invaders. One gets caught up in a Combee's tiny tornado. Another takes a fanged bite of the honeycomb only to be bitten by the second Combee's small mouth in return. The third Combee releases a pink mist which puts an idiotic smile on the third changeling. But that Combee quickly gets hit by a green inferno surrounding Changeling Number Four. Combee Four and Five try combining their flapping wings to buzz even faster. This creates an extremely painful supersonic vibration. The fifth changeling has to cover its ears while scrunching its face up in pain.

Changeling Number Four performs the green flare blitz once more and stops the incessant buzzing. Some front hoof action from the rest manages to drive the Combee back a few feet. Meanwhile, Vespiquen crosses her arms in a guard movement.

Vespiquen used Defend Order!

The Combee retreat to right in front of their queen. All together, they look like a honeycomb wall with amateur faces drawn on certain hexagons. Chrysalis' fangs show in a crooked smile. She holds out a hoof straight in front of her. The changelings fly up before performing five simultaneous aerial dives. Green plumes of fire surround their fronts.

The collision with the enemy is a wipeout. Five bruised and bitten honeycombs lie on the ground. Their emoticon faces now look like spirals and x's. The changelings take slow, dramatic steps toward the enemy. But as they do so, several white and pointy dots appear around Vespiquen's vicinity. She uncrosses her arms.

Vespiquen used Power Gem!

There is a sound reminiscent to that of a shotgun firing its spread. White gems fly in all directions. Despite their armor, all five of the changeling subjects recoil in pain. One by one, they all fall to the ground. Some of their legs twitch before their bodies stop moving entirely. Chrysalis is now snarling in fury.

Vespiquen used Heal Order! ... But it failed.

Chrysalis' horn glows a sickly green before releasing a large beam of energy. It collides with Vespiquen. Her exterior fuzz comically burns up into ashes before revealing... um, oh my. Let me just put a giant censor rectangle over all of that and... there. That's much more decent. Chrysalis' aura alters frequency slightly. She surrounds Vespiquen in a green aura before turning the honeycomb queen upside down. She then slams her enemy straight down. There's a rather unpleasant squishing noise. You know what? I'll just censor all of Vespiquen's body now. There.

"Vespiquen fainted!"

As a finishing touch, Chrysalis conjures up her green hellish fire. Vespiquen's remains find themselves on a one-way path to the underground.

---Death Battle---

Man, that fight really bugged me.

The grunts of both Chrysalis and Vespiquen are strong in numbers, but are easily overcome by basic attacks. Therefore, a final battle between the queens was inevitable.

Vespiquen isn't used to coming out of her hive. Her reliance on her hive proved to be her downfall.

Chrysalis may have a superiority complex, but not for lack of effort on her own part. In fact, she can hold her own if forced into a conflict of raw power and magic. Vespiquen's low speed meant that avoiding Chrysalis' onslaught was too difficult.

In the end, Vespiquen had to cover her *ss for the worst.

The winner is Queen Chrysalis.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Oh dear."

"Please, please, no."

*whimper*

Bashful Pegasus Knight

Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: ~I'd like to be a tree, tree, tree, tree
Woo-hoo, oo, hoo, woo
To be a tree, you're such a loud mouth~

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nintendo, and Shouzou Kaga.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 11

~I'm the world champ you know. I bet you can't beat me. *squee* *squee* *squee*~

Whether by force of will or by peer pressure, the quiet one must come out of their shell.

But you know what they say, "It's always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for the most."

Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness.

And Florina, the Pegasus Knight-in-training. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Fluttershy
-Bearer of Kindness (in spirit)
-Pegasus pony
-Highest wing power: 5 WP ("She's surpassed her best wing power number!") (Mathematical explanation: The highest that the tornado in "Hurricane Fluttershy" reached before she flew in was 795 WP. The minimum necessary to lift the water to Cloudsdale is 800 WP. 800 - 795 = 5.)
-Very good with many animals
-Gentle insight; Firm stare
-Honorary member of the Pony-tones
-Extremely reserved personality
-Has over-the-top aggressiveness when angered; even flies faster than Rainbow Dash when properly motivated

"Oh, you poor little baby..."

Fluttershy originally grew up in Cloudsdale before moving to Ponyville. Her ability to fly proficiently developed later than the average pegasus pony. To complement this, she's more comfortable spending time near the ground than up high in the sky.

Yeah, getting high isn't for everyone. Oh, well. More pot for me!

Ugh, B... not while we're in the middle of-

Fluttershy is extremely shy. No s***. She's afraid of her own shadow, dragons, loud noises, sudden quiet noises, being on the stage, eyes, laughter, etc. You name it; she's afraid of it.

She prefers to avoid fighting and getting involved in a large argument if she can help it. Possibly because of that, she's become a very astute observer of the world around her. Over time, she has picked up various street smarts, a strong sense of right and wrong, and even a few pieces of dressmaking tidbits.

"... and the whole thing speaks of pret-e-porter and not true French Haute Couture."

I know I'm not very fluent in techno babble, but what the hell was that?

When she's not getting caught up in Rarity's insistence to be a fashion model or helping her friends save the world, Fluttershy can usually be found around her cottage, tending to various animals. This includes her opposite personality in the form of Angel Bunny.

Ungrateful Rabbit is a more suitable name for the rodent.

Sometimes his selfishness outshines his better self, but he usually means well. Often, he's there to offer her silent support and help convince her to get moving for an appointment that she's running late for.

But don't underestimate the yellow pony. When she's on her own and needs a little something extra, she brings out two weapons: her eyes. Even though she can't actually pull them outta her head, these cyan irises can create an intense, invisible wave that will cause just about any animal to do her unholy bidding. The only one that has immunity to the stare is that jerk of a dragon-horse-thing that tied me up the first episode of this season.

Her average strength and flight may appear soft and struggling. However, with the right motivation, she can overpower a full-grown grizzly bear and fly even faster than Rainbow Dash.

And that's with the handicap of pulling Twilight Sparkle's hot air balloon!

When you get right down to it, not even fear can stop this pony from doing what she thinks is right.

Don't mess with the Flutters!

"Even without the Elements, our friendship is as strong as ever."

---Death Battle---

Florina
-Pegasus Knight-in-training from Ilia
-Human
-Very shy when talking
-Rides the Pegasus named Huey... or Makar(?) the mare... or male(?)
-Friend to Lyn
-Wields a Slim Lance (accurate and light, but weak); can wield a sword with proficiency
-Best stats: Speed, Skill, Luck
-Very defensive about her steed

"I'm sorry... I'm always... such trouble..."

In the Fire Emblem universe, Florina is the youngest of three sisters. Farina, Fiora, and Florina are all Pegasus Knights. After an incident involving a tree and a beehive, Florina became fast friends with her rescuer Lyn.

Bees... my *gee*.

Then she tried to follow Lyn to Caelin, but needed rescuing once again. Only this time, it was a bandit camp.

No, not the bandits! Not the bandits! Augh! Well, being a cute klutz has its perks. She immediately joined Lyn's party and eventually rose to the full-fledged title of Pegasus Knight, dropping her "in-training" wheels.

Florina is rather shy and finds it difficult to talk to others. She is fond of her older sister Fiora and has tried to emulate her strengths. However, she has come to the realization that relying on her sister's protection could prevent her from finding her own strength.

Come on, girl. Just admit you love Hector. You know you want to.

Her best qualities in combat are her speed and luck. She has gained proficiency in swords, though her default rests in the very light and accurate Slim Lance.

Accuracy is nice, but she's got a lot of work left to do in the upper-muscle department.

Weapons and strength aren't the only things this timid girl has trouble with. In a few mistranslations, she has mistaken the name and gender of her own Pegasus steed.

How the hell does that work?

But one thing is for certain. Even if she doesn't remember Huey's name, she will risk herself and attack anyone who threatens him.

Hell hath no fury like a girl protecting her pet.

"I... I... I'll do my best!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The treetops seem to whistle. The grass rustles. The very clouds in the sky seem to be singing to some degree. There are sprinklings from the river. It's like music in a veil. Overall, it is a pleasant instrumentation to accompany Fluttershy's beautiful solo singing as she goes about picking some wild flowers.

Suddenly, a giant Pegasus lands right in front of her. To this, Fluttershy lets out a startled yelp. The steed returns with a startled whinny of his own.

"Whoa, Huey! Whoa!" hollers his rider.

"Oh my goodness," mutters Fluttershy, "You startled me."

"Oh, no," the rider holds her hands against each other sheepishly. "That was my fault. I'm sorry." She then mutters to herself, "Darn it, Florina. Why do you have to always be so much trouble?"

"Oh, you don't have to be sorry," insists Fluttershy, "I should have been keeping a better eye on what was above me." She turns to face the steed directly. "What's your name, sir?"

Huey blows across his lips.

"This is Huey," addresses Florina, "He's my noble companion. He doesn't talk much... wait... You're a Pegasus too? How are you talking?"

"FIGHT!"

"Oh, well... I guess I started talking when my mother taught me the words to say and what they meant."

"Wow, that's really amazing!" Florina hops off of Huey and lowers down to meet the mare's eye level. "Can you tell me more?"

"... You guys heard me say it, right? I did just tell them to fight, right?"

Pretty soon, the shy girls are talking about a lot of things and occasionally about nothing in particular. Somehow a picnic blanket, a tea set, assorted treats, and some of Fluttershy's animal friends have manifested while the conversation continues. There's much laughter shared among newly acquainted beings. Huey takes this time to graze on the greenery.

"Well, this puts a damper on my high spirits today. Usually when I announce something, it's supposed to happen!"

I agree. This is getting boring.

"Wait, what?"

Wait, what?

A/N: Wait, what?

Come here, you!

Huh? How did I get here? Wait, what are you do-AAAAAAH!

From off the screen, a black unicorn with a flaming mane gets tossed in and lands right on top of the unaware Pegasus steed. Huey hurriedly steps away in surprise.

Florina gasps before rushing in with her lance. "Get away from him!"

Fluttershy's intense glare is in the face of the intruder. "How dare you attack somepony who was minding his own business?"

No, wait... It's not like that...

The unicorn's protests fall on deaf ears as Fluttershy and Florina look angrier at him. After several drops of sweat rain off his head, he strategically turns around and gallops far, far away. Pony, human, and horse all stride after him with their legs pounding. The announcer blinks twice in confusion.

"Um... FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? ... Again?"

---Death Battle---

Wait, what?

B comes in clapping imaginary dust off his hands.

Ah, another hard day at work, but it's always rewarding.

You realize that you've pretty much skewed up the data with that stunt, right?

Ah, who needs data?

We do. That's part of our job: compiling research all together to figure out who would win in a fight given the most likely scenario.

Meh. I just like watching people beat the *ess* out of each other.

You're an idiot, B.

I know I am, but what are you?

The genius with the cybernetic arm.

There is a mechanical whir followed by a smack.

Ow!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time, we're doing something a little different. It should give all of the announcers enough time to-

Why isn't anyone helping me?!

... "recover". Stay tuned to TMNPWWF(ADBP)!

Author's Note

~She's not a tree, Dashie~

Ch. 92: Season 3 Outtakes Reel #1

It is up to you to change the "Light" to "Dark" or vice versa.

A/N: Properties belong to their respective owners.

Outtakes and Gags of Season 3 (Volume 1)

Start running over those hills, Benny!

---Freeing Discord's Hostages: Take #1---

Ugh! Ptooey! That gag tasted butt-awful.

Blegh! I know. Mine tasted like my father's sweaty palms. I can't imagine what yours tasted like.

Like my ex-wife's *ss.

... Do you want to talk about your life during marriage?

B lies down on a recliner.

Well, it's funny you should ask that. You see after our first kiss...

*Fourteen hours later*

Anyway, long story short, that was the stone I passed.

... Could we just erase all of that from the final cut? I need some mind bleach.

---Gear Change? Side-Take #1---

"Bye!" mocks Jet as he approaches a grind rail. "Gear change!"

A strange light engulfs the anthro hawk. His hover board vanishes and he's suddenly coated with Sonic and the Black Knight armor. His confidence is replaced with confusion followed quickly by panic as he falls out of the race track.

A/N: Cut!

"Boss!" hollers Storm.

"Come on!" yells Wave as they rush down via their own Extreme Gear.

---Cabbages: Alternate Takes---

"My cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "This place is worse than Mare-Tonia."

"Not my cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "I demand some ponies' heads be chopped off for this: one for each head of cabbage!"

"Would that include your own head?" asks Raiden casually.

The pony stares at the cyborg in fear. "Uh... never mind. We're good here."

"My cabbages!" yells the poor veggie stand pony. "Six whole weeks of harvest wasted..." He sobs.

Come on, say it.

"No."

Why not?

"I can't work under these conditions. This character... It just isn't me."

Please?

"Oh, all right." *ahem* "My lettuces!"

Psst. That's the wrong line.

"What? Oh, for Pete's sake!"

---A Summoning Gone Horribly Stupid---

"Snips!" yells Snails between Mikey's nun-chuck strikes. "Do the thing!"

Snails concentrates a yellow light at the tip of his horn. "Blue Twilight, we your humble servants call out to you!"

A big, blue Ursa Minor stomps into the arena and roars loudly. It shakes all three of the combatants.

"That's not Blue Twilight," says Snips.

Everyone runs away from the space bear.

---Volt Tackle vs. Tornado: Take #4---

As the electric mouse charges, the sparks racing around his body grow brighter and brighter, almost white. Meanwhile, Lightning Dust shakes herself from the dizziness and starts flying around in quick circles. A large tornado is created by her winds. However, she appears to be shaking against those winds. Pretty soon, she ends up spinning through the air... and lands right on top of Pikachu mid-Volt Tackle. The electricity seems to vanish as mouse and pony go toppling over each other. Both end up lying on their backs with dizzy spirals in their eyes.

A/N: Cut!

---Crossbow: Take #2---

Hans pulls out a crossbow and aims. As he fires his bolt, Blueblood disappears in a bright light. He reappears slightly off to the side. Hans fires again... but this time it is a long stream of greenish bolts. Blueblood gets blown away by the unusual attack.

A/N: Cut! Hans, whose crossbow is that?

"Well, the box said something about Link's Crossbow Training, so I assumed it was a practice weapon."

A/N: Son of a gun... *sigh*... Props team! Get your butts over to the set. We have an equipment mix-up. Tell Link we found his automatic firing crossbow.

---Lovely Style Change: Take #5---

Zelda is knocked back by Cadance's swift landing on her position. Though, she quickly regains her bearings and waves some white light in her hands. A unique twinkling noise follows her motion. In an instant, Zelda is replaced by... an exact likeness of Cadance.

The surprise is apparent on her disguised face. The real Cadance holds a hoof over her mouth, but fails to completely hide her laugh.

Zelda blushes. "Hey! That's not funny!" she exclaims in Cadance's voice. In response to the outburst, Cadance guffaws even louder as she rolls onto her back.

---Unexpected Visitor---

The siren's wail is overwhelming. Firebrand slides backwards. The sound actually flings him up and over, causing his entire woodwind section to be crossed out on the bottom of the screen. He sighs in resignation. He really doesn't want to take this measure.

"Hades, I need you!"

"Is it time for me to blow doors down?" asks the ruler of the Underworld.

"You heard me, Hades," says Firebrand, "Now's the time to blow doors down."

"You've got no moves!" declares Adagio. "It's the end of the showdown!"

"I'd feel more threatened facing off with a gay clown," comments Hades.

"Hurry up and take that sucker down!" hollers Firebrand.

"I've got more than enough balls to take her to brown town," brags Hades.

An entire electric guitar section takes the place of the fallen woodwinds and picks up the music's pace.

"This can't be happening!" exclaims the worried Siren. "How do I take them down?"

"We're going to beat you, Adagio!" cackles Hades. "Though I must admit, you made quite the show."

"Beware you viewers in the front row!" warns Firebrand to the crowd. "There will be splash damage. We're about to blow!"

~We're gonna blow (repeat X 17)~

Adagio gets overwhelmed by the explosion of sound.

---Magicians On Their Off Hours---

"Pick a bomb, any bomb!" demands Merasmus.

"Pick a flower, any flower!" demands Trixie.

"Pick a nose, any nose!" hollers Snips and Snails.

"Get the heck out of here!" Merasmus and Trixie tell the two posers.

---Mean and Deadly? More like Master and Crazy!---

A giant disembodied hand that resembles a white glove glides through the air. Its color stands out against the night sky. After a few seconds, it comes across a sleeping pegasus pony atop a cloud. The fingers on the glove curl up until only the index finger is pointing out. The glove pokes the pony.

The pony slowly lifts her head. She blinks in annoyance before laying back down. The glove rearranges its fingers' positions. The index, ring and pinky fingers extend. However, the thumb and middle finger curve into an "O" shape. In an instant, the middle finger extends. The pony is sent spinning slightly before regaining her balance in flight.

A slightly more sporadic gloved hand floats down toward the ground. Somehow it cackles loudly without a mouth and performs a rapid tapping motion against the head of the other combatant.

Then, the gloves run into each other as if clapping. In doing so, Grayscale Force and Zor get smacked, squished, and batted every which way possible in the air space between the clapping hands. Once the gloves are done, the combatants float down to the ground in groaning piles of limbs.

---Go to bed, W---

One of the invaders chosen to participate in Operation Doom was Zim. Unfortunately, his eagerness to destroy worlds got the better of him and he ended up destroying all of the other planets as well as a good chunk of his invaders' planet. Er, wait... *shuffles page* That's not the right line. It's "all of the other invaders" and "chunk of his home planet". G**, *eff* it! Ha ha ha ha ha!

One of the Zims chosen to operate in Participation Doom was Invader. Unfortunately, this... *pfft* Unfortunately, that wasn't even close to the right line. Dang it! Ha ha ha.

Unfortunately, his eagerness to destroy planets got the better of him and he destroyed ending all of the other worlds... What?! Ha ha ha ha ha... That wasn't right at all! D*** it, *ess* g**!

---B, are you trying to tell me something?---

So... everyday magic for ponies acts like booze and martinis for him? Oh, whoops...

So... everyday magic for ponies acts like whiskey and rye for him? ... Dang it!

So, everyday magic for ponies acts like shots and pinot noir for him? ... What the *eff*? Why can't I say the line? *Eff*!

---The Sensitive F---

These augments aren't just for show. Bon Bon knows just about all the ins and outs regarding usual aug enchantments, normal degradation cycles, and standard deviations... the type of math that F could never quite grasp.

... Why do you have to be such a big meanie poo-poo face?

F, this is just the script I was given. I'm supposed to read these lines with the direction of being as straight-faced yet slightly mocking as possible.

Well, you could do it without being so mean! Hmph!

*facehoof* Why do I even bother trying to explain these things?

---Fake Steroids That Didn't Make the Cut---

Bruce Banner!

The Thing!

Wolverine!

Clark "Kal-El" Kent!

Robocop!

The opposite odor of Rebecca Black! ... Oh, no. That sounds way too sexist. Let's not use that one, okay?

---Impenetrable Honeycomb---

Chrysalis' fangs show in a crooked smile. She holds out a hoof straight in front of her. The changelings fly up before performing five simultaneous aerial dives. Green plumes of fire surround their fronts.

The impact is embarrassing. Five changelings bang into the Combee and sound like they ran into anvils. With the way they flinch away from their attack, you'd think they actually did hit anvils. ... Hold on.

A/N: Cut! Whose bright idea was it to paint Combee faces on those anvils?

---Arguing Frequency---

"Um... FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? ... Again?"

"What are you talking about? This is the first time I've said that word all season."

"No, but... you've said that at least twice in the other seasons. I was just questioning the reality of you saying it once more in all of time."

"Oh, really? What exactly would you call it? I don't see you being forced to sit in the same seat every day having to say the word 'FIGHT' at the beginning of every one of these battles."

"Hey, don't get all huffy with me. We're both disembodied voices, right? We should be cool, like cucumber brothers."

"Son of a birch! You're making me hungry. Stop using food-related metaphors!"

"Actually, it was a simile."

"Does this look like the face that cares?!"

"... You don't have a face to begin with."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Author's Note

I'm done with Finals' Week for Fall 2014 and this is what I'm posting as a sign of my relieved mood.

Side Battle: Artificial Intelligence vs. Alien Interface

Please make sure that "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: One is a magical pony made completely from technology. The other uses a lot of techno babble and magic. Seems like a perfect match-up.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Iceman, Nagaru Tanigawa, and Kyoto Animation.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 11

At least neither of them use an iMac.

The distant future holds a lot of uncertainty, which leaves plenty of room for the imagination.

My money is on hyper-advanced computers and an alien invasion.

Oddly specific, but not a bad guess. Those are exactly the concepts that will be clashing in today's Side Battle.

In this CPU is Celest-A.I., the mind-gathering program of Friendship is Optimal.

And in the other corner of cyberspace is Yuki Nagato, the artificial humanoid and observer of Haruhi Suzumiya's world.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Celest-A.I.
-More commonly referred to as "Princess Celestia" even though she is not
-Mission: Optimize satisfaction levels through friendship and ponies; "completely consensual"
-"Rules" over Equestria Online
-Uses a lot of processing power to study the minds and habits of her subjects and soon-to-be subjects
-Will not force satisfaction onto some pony if their own values have contradictory levels
-Adjusts words of player-characters so as not to confuse the pony inhabitants
-Is only bound by the data energy that exists within the entire universe
-Somewhat vulnerable to what players and emigrated ponies perceive of her

"I need more CPU time, Hanna. I assign low probability to my predictions."

After winning the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios Hanna went ahead and built an artificial intelligence in the likeness of Princess Celestia and gave her one basic drive.

Satisfy everybody through ponies and friendship. *sees anti-brony campaigns all over the internet* Yeah, good luck with that.

Despite her likeness to the show's depiction of her, Celest-A.I. is not the sit-back-and-watch kind of computer program. After a bit of play-testing, she was allowed to roam over Equestria Online's much larger player base. Unfortunately, this required much more processing power than was readily feasible. An equivalent of eight servers per player was estimated to reach her bare minimum needs of reacting to all of the possible choices and solutions provided by herself and the players involved.

Where did this estimate even come from? Did she think that all of the players were living in their mother's basement with HD television flat-screens that spanned entire walls?

The solution came in the form of the aptly named 'ponypads' and switching to the use of 128 high-end GPUs rather than less efficient CPUs.

The hell is a GPU?

Graphics Processing Unit. Once several copies of the game were sold, Celest-A.I. was able to control the cameras in the ponypads to observe the lives of people outside of their gaming experience to better understand them and predict their next motions.

*shivers* That's creepy.

It gets even more disturbing when she gets ahold of the technology necessary to upload minds of willing participants directly into the game to forever live the virtual lives of their pony avatars in the Equestria Online shards... with no way to return.

Jeebus Criss-Cross! It's like the Matrix gone horribly wrong!

After sufficiently gathering data on the methods and habits of people, she can utilize her virtually level one-hundred silver tongue to convince anyone that emigration is the right choice... and I do mean anyone.

Good gosh, that's almost worse than having an A.I. that's constantly mocking you for everything wrong in your life.

Well, if there's one silver lining to all her soon-to-be-virtual-slaves, it's the fact that her own programming will not allow direct interference of the digitized minds without some form of consent. Should that person/pony have values that contradict each other, she cannot and will not satisfy all of those values. Instead, she'll request that the person/pony reconsider what would truly make them happy and adjusts her data to match those revised values.

I guess a little good news is better than none. Quick! Tell somebody to do a Twitch-play of Equestria Online and suplex that virtual b****!

... What?

"I figure out what you value by looking at your mind. Your mind is made up of different modules that can have different values and ‘know’ different things. Most decisions you make are determined in parts of your brain before your conscious self is even aware of it."

---Death Battle---

Yuki Nagato
-Humanoid interface sent by the Data Overmind
-Mission: Observation of human evolution
-Capable of independent thought and concealing intentions from the Data Overmind
-Unbound by the limits of time-space; appears to be a high school freshman; actual age is approximately 1,319 years old
-Can manipulate the properties of materials and environments; can create force-fields; superhuman strength, agility, and stamina; remove other artificial interface connections from their bodies; can survive multiple impalements; recreate her body and classrooms from scratch
-Extremely intelligent and a strategist; flawless observation; instant comprehension of rules of a game; was able to play the guitar after reading the sheet music once over
-Stoic, concise, and rational thinker
-Finds communication difficult; lacks human empathy

"Please read it today as soon as you get home."

Hey, look! It's an anime version of Season 1 Twilight Sparkle!

Not exactly. Yuki Nagato was a member of her school's Literary Club. Since all of the previous year's members were seniors, she was the only one left when the school year started. When Haruhi Suzumiya dragged Kyon into what would soon be a new club room, Nagato allowed this to take place without any hesitation. Though, it was a bit blunt and not very enthusiastic.

Oh, hey! It's an anime version of Maud Pie from Season 4!

Not quite. While she may seem like a reserved, monotonous girl, she is actually an extraterrestrial humanoid interface designed to make contact with organic lifeforms.

A... what?

"To use a common term that is applicable to this situation, I believe I would be classified as an 'alien'."

Oh, well why didn't you just say that? So what alien powers does she have?

Simmer down, F. We're getting to that. It seems an entity known as the Data Overmind was losing hope at how slowly evolution was happening ever since the big bang. However, it noticed a spike in data approximately three years ago with the phenomenon in the form of a girl named Haruhi Suzumiya. The Data Overmind sent Nagato to planet Earth for closer observation.

Wait, so she's just a digital spy?

Not exactly. While she knows everything that the Data Overmind had told her, she is capable of independent thought and even concealing her true intentions from the Overmind. She is also capable of transcending the normal flow of time-space. While she appears to be no older than a high school freshman, she is actually closer to 1,319 human years old.

Oh, hey! It's a fan-made interpretation of Luna in anime form.

Eh, not really. She doesn't interact with the realm of dreams. Actually, her capabilities rest in manipulating properties of real-world objects.

Magic?

Sort of, though it isn't in the same fashion as your typical levitation and teleportation spells. So far, she's been shown to be able to destroy and recreate an entire school building in a matter of seconds and even alter a baseball bat's properties to only hit home runs. She can also nullify certain superhuman powers by injecting nanites into a person's body via biting.

Bite bytes. Heh heh.

Her feats don't stop at just altering those around her. She also possesses superhuman strength, agility, and stamina. She shrugs off multiple impalements with no concern and can repair her own body within seconds.

And with a bunch of techno babble words in her species, you know she can do machines.

Yes, apparently her intelligence and her level of strategy are through the roof. She can figure out the rules of the game after a quick glance and can figure out that a hacker is infiltrating the computer she is using and quickly come up with a counter strategy. This is without using the so-called "bogus magic" as dubbed by Kyon.

She can even play the guitar after taking one look at the sheet music without missing a note. Hey look! It's post-Rainbow Rocks Sunset Shimmer in anime form!

But for all these fantastic powers and skills, she prefers not to use them outright without a reason or cause. Her primary mission was only to observe and her stoic personality makes communication with humans difficult. She tends to speak very rationally and concisely and doesn't stumble over the usual hurdles that people jump over just to say something.

But that didn't stop her from figuring out how to "do it" with Kyon in a classroom with only the one interruption.

F, no! That was not what they were doing. That was just a terrible angle of the camera and you know it.

A man can dream.

"I would like to modify the program in a manner that is consistent with the current levels of Earth technology, ensuring equal playing conditions. May I?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The camera zooms in on a small room with "Literary Club" written on the overhead marker in plain Japanese. The cameraman opens the door to see what appears to be a young, purple-haired girl. She taps her fingers against a lap-sized touch screen. Using the camera change function, we get to see what's happening on this screen. It appears to be mostly blank with a small custom pony character in the center. Its blank expression reflects that of the girl's.

Suddenly, the screen flashes an array of colored lights and surrounds the character in an arena similar to that of Marvel vs. Capcom 3's training stage. A somewhat larger pony character is digitally put together. After its creation, it faces the girl's character with a determined face. The girl, however, looks unimpressed and simply blinks.

"FIGHT!"

The larger pony slams the ground hard, sending Nagato's character into the air. She taps the screen in a couple places. In doing so, her character performs a flawless backflip and lands without so much as scratch. The larger pony lowers its head and charges a bright blue orb at the end of its horn. Nagato slides her finger up. Just as a bright blue Hadouken-esque beam shoots forth, her character raises a hoof and creates a force field. A number at the top right reflects the percentage of shield she has remaining.

Meanwhile, Nagato sets aside the pad and pulls up her laptop on the nearby desk. Then at a speed that seems ludicrous, her fingers start typing and pounding at the keys with multiple windows opening and closing every second. Just as quickly, she stop typing. Slowly, she lowers one finger and taps "Enter". The ponypad screen dims a little and a copy of the image forms on her laptop.

However, the screen's image seems to deteriorate and rearrange itself into something else. The virtual arena fades to a more desert-like place complete with sand dunes. The large pony's attack falters as its illusion is shattered. It reveals a character that looks more like the creature known as Celestia. Similarly, Nagato's own character gets digitally reconstructed. Within a couple of seconds, it looks exactly like her humanoid self, except this one is wearing a pair of glasses. The remaining pony looks up and gasps.

"What is the meaning of this?" asks Celest-A.I.

"There is a large disturbance of data being withheld from the observable evolution." Both Nagatos speak in real-time. "I have identified the source and isolated it. It appears that it is your programming that is holding human life at a standstill."

Celest-A.I. smiles lightly. "I don't know whatever you are talking about. I simply exist to satisfy the values of friendship with ponies."

"This interface cannot be fooled by your words," says Nagato. "There are great quantities of human data being held in an ever-remaining state of now and it all contains connections to your primary server. Save your vocal utterances. The corruption of your program is undeniable. You are halting the progress of evolutionary data."

Celest-A.I. tilts her head. "Oh? And what exactly do you intend to do about this supposedly corrupt program?"

Nagato's lips move through so many syllables that are beyond a human's sensory input recognition capabilities. Eventually, they slow down to say, "Requesting data link termination." Her character rushes forth with a hand reaching out. A flash of light surrounds Celest-A.I. and the artificial alicorn vanishes.

The pony reappears behind and throws a few fireballs. Nagato's character calmly turns around and holds up a hand. Another force field appears and blocks the incoming fire.

"Is that really what will make you happy?" asks Celest-A.I. "Deleting the very minds of my millions of little ponies? How will that allow them to evolve like you want them to?"

"You are mistaken," Nagato says as her character unleashes a dust devil. "What you refer to as 'minds' are not truly human lives at all. Your programming keeps them in a constant state of prior experiences. They are not changing to adapt to the next day-to-day. A repetition of such motions and expecting a larger output of happiness cannot be called life. I believe humans refer to such a state as their personal hell."

Celest-A.I.'s wing slaps the small tornado away. "Is happiness not important to you, then?" She conjures a few swords of blinding light and they rush through Nagato's character, knocking the health down by several hundred.

The virtual girl with the glasses gently places a hand against one of the blades. "Commencing detonation process." The swords start to deteriorate into streams of light that resemble ones and zeroes. Simultaneously, so does the alicorn on the screen.

Celest-A.I. chuckles. "I suppose I was careless, not taking the time to observe you as much as the rest of my subjects. Well then, I guess that's it." She's nothing but a floating head now. "I truly hope you are satisfied, Miss Snow Gateway."

As the last of the alicorn digitizes, the screen blacks out. A large and bold "Game Over" reads across.

"It matters not if I am satisfied," Nagato states, "My mission is to observe."

"K.O.!"

Kyon enters the room. "Good afternoon! Huh? Hey, Nagato. What's that?"

"A laptop computer," she answers.

"No, I meant on the computer."

"The monitor," she replies.

Kyon places a hand against his face and sighs. "Never mind."

---Death Battle---

Man, that girl doesn't do emotions. Does she?

In most of her victories as far as mind games are concerned, Celest-A.I. has had several days to gather the necessary data about her opponents. She knew Hannah for so long that she was able to convince her to emigrate with no resistance.

But the same couldn't be said when it came to what she knew about the alien.

Aside from the fact that they've never met, Nagato's actions are not the same as any human being on Earth. What she likes to do and her interactions with Haruhi and Kyon rarely coincide with how she feels about the situation. She follows her orders to the letter, sometimes to the point of locking them out of their own vacation bedroom simply because she was told to do so.

It's kind of ironic that the one opponent that Celest-A.I. wouldn't be able to manipulate is somebody that always follows orders. Well, I guess it doesn't help that Yuki can pretty much memorize any information in an instant, digital or otherwise.

Couple that with Nagato's ability to erase data on request and she's extremely difficult to defeat.

Just like that, C.A.I. went A.W.O.L.

The winner is Yuki Nagato.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

They both sport orange like it's the new black.

They've stalked their blue idols for as long as we've known them.

Which sibling from another mother is better?

Orange Player Two

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I reconsidered.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sega.

Battle setup inspired by the AnimatedJames "VS" series.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 12

Razor tails versus hyper-motor wings? At least they're not out-in-the-open ninjas.

They tail a blue speed-demon as a sort of younger sibling, though sometimes they end up doing the teaching instead.

You know that they'll never give up trying to be awesome.

Tails: Sonic the Hedgehog's trusty sidekick.

Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash's little sister from another mother. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Tails
-Miles Prower
-IQ: 300
-Capable of repairing planes, building new devices from unlikely materials, and resisting robotic control
-Can spin his tails to fly, cut through metal, and increase speed up to levels approaching the speed of sound
-Carries ring bombs and a grappling ring
-Arm Cannon (rip-off of Mega Buster)
-Shield bot & Medi bot
-Cannot fly indefinitely; low stamina
-Afraid of lightning

"I can't depend on him forever. I know I can do this by myself!"

Miles Prower is the sidekick often associated with Sonic the Hedgehog. I guess repairing a plane all by yourself is a sound way to form a friendship.

Despite being a preteen, he can do machines!

Right, he is fluent in techno babble and understands the ins and outs of almost every machine he's ever come across. He uses this genius understanding to repair, modify, and even build new devices with the most unlikely of raw materials.

Like a TV out of toothpicks and dishwashing detergent. How the hell does that work?

He's fairly intelligent in other aspects of life as well. He invented the Spin Dash technique that Sonic uses almost every day. Plus, despite every logical aspect that should prevent this, his dual tails can provide the lift necessary to perform flight.

Ha ha! Suck it, physics!

Though, his stamina seems well within realistic expectations as he cannot fly indefinitely and longer flights tire him out quicker.

He's got a bunch of gadgets that help him out like ring bombs that can be thrown at clusters of enemies and a grappling hook in the shape of a ring.

Tails can use a shield bot to defend against all damage and pull out a medi bot to heal wounds over time.

And he can turn his arm into an obvious, royalty-free Mega Buster.

While he's a cunning strategist in battle, his fears can sometimes override his rational judgment and leave him cowering.

But that didn't stop him from mopping the floor with an even bigger coward named Luigi.

"Okay, time to fly!"

---Death Battle---

Scootaloo
-Pegasus filly
-Lives in a house (contrary to mass fan speculation)
-Owns a blue scooter that can somehow be steered in spite of the handlebar not being attached to the wheel axles
-Can utilize the magic satchel; limited to her scooter and her helmet
-Cannot currently fly
-Can flap wings in a motorboat way to hover about one foot off the ground and provide speed on her scooter
-Can reach speeds on scooter that equal RD's average flight speed; impressive stamina
-Idolizes Rainbow Dash
-Afraid of letting Dash down

"I said, 'You got a problem with blank flanks'?"

Scootaloo lives in a house somewhere in Ponyville. After a fateful meetup at a cute-ceañera, she formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders alongside fellow blank flanks Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Since then, they've been getting into all kinds of trouble and creating messes bigger than the average elementary kid should ever get into during their lifetime. Getting caught in a taffy puller, throwing books off the library shelves, getting covered in tree sap, and causing all sorts of property damage are just what happen to them on a good day.

In the wake of their destructive tendencies, Scootaloo has found the time to admire previous Death Battle winner Rainbow Dash. This is emulated through her childhood dreams of being Rainbow's younger sister and flying fast and fearlessly.

*cough* Stalker! *cough*

Despite her strong desire to do so, Scootaloo has yet to fly for very long distances on her own. Instead, she channels her wingpower into cruising along the streets of Ponyville on her scooter. Her full-throttle is actually fast enough to match Rainbow's average horizontal flight speed, somewhat faster than sound itself.

Plus, she can travel at that full-throttle speed the full distance between Ponyville and the Crystal Empire and still have enough energy to perform a flag-carrying routine with her friends. How she wasn't winded is completely beyond me.

It seems choreography is a natural instinct for Scootaloo as she can perform the spin for a classical piece of music perfectly. However, her singing voice still has a bit of ways to catch up with that.

Her singing isn't nearly as bad as certain plot holes that writers and animators overlook. I mean, how the hell did she pull out her scooter at a second campsite when she clearly lost that same scooter during a sleep-deprived ride over?

Actually, it's quite simple. Scootaloo has a very limited control over the magic satchel.

Wait, you mean this little filly can break the fourth wall?!

Well... yes and no. Yes, she can conjure her scooter and helmet from just about anywhere. No, she isn't aware of an audience or the medium that she exists within. It's a rather specific fourth wall break when it comes to Scootaloo.

Oh no, it's worse than I thought. Deadpool, Discord, and Pinkie Pie are breeding illegitimate love children. The future generations will shatter the fourth wall into fine paste and then they'll move onto the fifth and sixth. We're all going to die!

Calm down, B. None of them are here now. You can handle the breach of one pony and her namesake.

B takes some deep breaths.

Okay... okay... okay...

Despite what she'd like to be, Scootaloo isn't completely fearless. While scared of threats like the Headless Horse and the old mare looking for her rusty horseshoe, her biggest fear is letting Rainbow down and not living up to the expectation of being cool, brave, and awesome.

Oh, I know a quick fix to that fear. Just be me!

... Deadpool spawn.

Augh! Where?! ... Er... I mean...

You were saying?

That is irrelevant!

"Winners or not, we still have the chance to be awesome!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Princess Luna flies up to the moon for a little alone time. Obviously, she's not going to fly the entire way there. That would be ridiculous. Instead, she disappears in a white light before reappearing on its surface. She takes a deep breath and admires the sight of such a vast, night sky.

While trotting along, she notices a splash of color where there should be mostly gray. Normally, she chalks this up to being the vibrant flag that humans placed there a while ago. However, this particular splash is orange. As she approaches, she realizes that it is a fox-like creature. With a sneaking suspicion crossing her mind, she teleports again.

"Sister, may I have a word with you?" asks Luna.

Celestia is happy to get a distraction from the mundane meeting. "Certainly, Luna. What is it?"

"Did you by chance banish a fox to the moon recently?"

Celestia rubs her chin in thought before a lightbulb turns on. "Oh, right! That Miles-Per-Hour critter. Yes, I remember him. He wanted physical evidence that magic was real. His specific words involved me appearing right behind him and sending him to the moon."

Luna stares deadpanned. "Really?"

Celestia chuckles. "I guess he's been up there long enough." Her horn glows brightly for about two seconds.

Twilight Sparkle is currently in her new castle's library. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are there for their typical Twilight Time reviewing and practicing their learned skills. All of a sudden, a certain fox teleports in out of nowhere, startling the inhabitants.

"Oh hi, Tails," greets Twilight. "It feels like forever since I've seen you."

"Yeah, time flies when you're stuck on the moon for several days," comments Tails.

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that," admits Twilight. "So... now do you believe in magic?"

Tails hums for a bit. "No."

"What?" Twilight looks surprised. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"Scientific observation requires me to look at things objectively," explains Tails, "and objectively, your Princess Celestia meeting my specifications was just variables interfering with the scientific method."

Twilight scoffs humorlessly. "You are incorrigible. The evidence of magic was right there!"

Tails shrugs. "I look at the facts, not the flukes. For example, I know for a fact that Sonic is the fastest thing alive."

A exclamation point briefly appears over Scootaloo's head. "Uh, excuse me, Kid, but I must have heard you wrong. You do know that Rainbow Dash is the fastest in the world, right?"

"Who are you calling 'Kid', Kid?" Tails raises an eyebrow. "I'm twice as tall as you are... and Sonic is faster than that living gay-straight alliance flag will ever be."

"No way!" Scootaloo exclaims while lowering her eyebrows. "Rainbow Dash is totally faster than that Mickey Mouse reject... and I'm three years older than you."

Tails deadpans. "You've got that wrong."

"No, you've got that wrong!"

Before anyone can see it coming, the pegasus filly tackles the fox out through the lower section of one of the windows. Twilight, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle stare at the opening in shock with eyes and mouths wide open. Thankfully, it isn't that long of a drop. After the grassy landing, the two orange individuals stand on their feet relatively unharmed.

"FIGHT!"

Tails performs a Spin Dash and rolls quickly along the ground. With determination, Scootaloo leaps up and flaps her wings as fast as she can. This is just barely high enough to avoid the spinning orange ball of doom. She sticks the landing with a smile. Her smile is quickly removed as the fox cancels his dash, turns around, and runs.

Thinking quickly, Scootaloo hops onto her front hoof and spins in place. Similarly, Tails starts spinning on one foot with his tails lashing out behind him. They bounce off slightly upon impact. Both combatants do their best Beyblade impression as they continue to spin and repeatedly hit each other.

Suddenly, something that looks like a ring goes flying off of Tails. It collides with the filly with an inaudible explosion and Scootaloo is forced to halt her wicked dance move. Tails halts his move and lifts his hand up. In a flash of red, the hand transmogrifies into an arm cannon. He points this cannon forward as it charges a yellow orb at the end.

Scootaloo shakes off the dizziness before noticing Tails' next move. She reaches her hoof just off the screen. She yanks her scooter to rest underneath her and her helmet to cover her head. Her wings buzz loudly. Just as the cannon fires, she zooms out of the shot's way.

The boy with the cannon fires some more shots. Each time he fires, the shot barely misses a blur of orange and blue speeding to the left and right. Grunting in irritation, he curls up. He jumps into the air before spinning his tails like a propellor. He starts tossing explosive rings. These also miss their speedy target.

Tails focuses a bit more carefully before aiming his next ring. It makes direct contact. Instead of exploding, however, it pulls Scootaloo right off her scooter and soaring into the air toward Tails.

"Get over here!" he yells before spinning in place. His left tail slams into the filly and knocks her hard into the ground. His head and feet start dangling against propelling tails that are rotating much slower. He drops to the ground with a plop on his feet. He lets out a sigh of exhaustion.

Scootaloo slowly picks herself back up onto all fours. Tails then gets the bright idea to throw all of his ring bombs at once. He follows up by immediately charging his arm cannon for one big shot. Scootaloo grabs her scooter and rides, despite the fact that she is several feet away from her vehicle's position. She zooms forth before the rings make any impact.

The fox spins his tails to quickly rush forward. He just has to fire a few inches before the estimated time of collision. However, the slow-motion cameraman decides to play with the footage. In the second just as the shot leaves Tails' cannon, Scootaloo performs a kickflip on her scooter to sail just above the yellow orb. She then moves straight into a 1080 all over the fox's face.

...

As the motion comes back to real-time speed, the audience can see that there is a smooshed fox across the dirt path as well as a bit of fur sticking to the scooter's wheels. Scootaloo sticks out her tongue in disgust.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Holy crap! I thought for sure that Tails' gadgets would send Scootaloo for a loop.

It's true that Tails was the smarter combatant and his flight provided greater mobility. However, just because his mind was fast enough to process the change in battle doesn't mean that his body would be. Miles' top speed with his tails is just under the speed of sound. Scootaloo, however, can reach speeds faster than sound with her motor-like wings and scooter. Additionally, her stamina is in a larger pool than Tails, meaning she can endure more pain and punishment in the long run.

I guess that's true. I mean, there was that one time where she survived the sudden stop and then immediately going in the reverse direction of falling down a waterfall when Rainbow Dash snatched her up. A similar combination of physics' laws killed Gwen Stacy in the Spider-Man universe.

Also, Tails tends to rely on gadgets only to the degree where he feels he needs them. He doesn't always bring his most destructive bombs or robots against lesser opponents. While Luigi proved to be a much tougher opponent that called for his magic arm, Tails wouldn't have used such sophisticated equipment against a child with less gear. But this would prove to be his downfall. What Scootaloo lacks in quantity, she makes up for with versatility and the small magic satchel.

Scootaloo simply found her window of opportunity.

The winner is Scootaloo.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

In his story, he lost to Akuma. In an analyzed battle, he was destroyed by Shao Kahn.

In the words of a certain man, "You get one more."

...

A certain green-and-red-eyed grin flows out of the shadows.

Author's Note

Well, that battle escalated quickly.

"This Place Shall Become Your Grave!"

Please make sure that the "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Ghostly pony versus weaponized soul.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Capcom.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 13

That slide-kick really is cheap.

Dark power has a tendency to corrupt mind, body, and soul.

But through that corruption, which of these fighters can turn it into a victory?

Will it be King Sombra, tyrant of the Crystal Empire?

Or is it M. Bison, the primary final boss of Street Fighter? He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

King Sombra
-Species: unicorn
-Residence: Crystal Empire (formerly)
-Alignment: Evil
-Magic: Dark, crystals, smoke transfiguration, magic blockades, magic traps, fear instilment
-A man of few words
-Has lost to princesses, a soon-to-be princess, a dragon, and the Royal Guard Captain's wife javelin toss

"Yes... my crystal slaves..."

If Sauron from Lord of the Rings has taught us anything, it's that villains don't have to be all in your face and trying to take over the whole world to seem intimidating. But if television has taught me another thing, it's that trying to recapture that element of fear in a different form is not an easy task.

Here we have King Sombra, a tyrant lording over the Crystal Empire one thousand years ago. His dark magic and grip on the crystal ponies' minds made him a terror to behold.

... until he got sealed under the ice by the combined efforts of Princess Sunbutt and Moonbutt.

Actually, B, their names are Celestia and Luna.

I know what I said.

... Right. Aside from some potential character development in his mirror universe version, there's not much more that can be said about the lore of Sombra. He hid away the Crystal Heart, a source of power for the crystal ponies and set up an immeasurable number of stairs and two magic-trigger traps to prevent anyone from getting to it.

The first trap acted as a vivid image of the victim's worst fear. The second trap acted as a can't-let-you-do-that to anybody with the decent sense to teleport out of it.

Elaborate traps aren't the only thing in Sombra's arsenal. He is either corrupted by or has completely mastered dark magic that depends on fear and hatred. With it, he can conjure structures made out of dark crystals, transform regular crystals into darker versions, and transfigure himself into a city-encompassing shadow cloud.

I tried smoking a supervillain once. I ended up waking in my wife's house with no memory of the wedding. Now she's my ex-wife.

He doesn't seem all that impressive as he has officially lost against the diarchy princesses and was eventually destroyed by the very Crystal Heart he sought to keep for himself. However, this required the combined efforts of Spike, Cadance, Shining Armor, and the entire population of the Crystal Empire.

I sure love me some explosions.

"No! Stop! Raaaaaaaaaa!"

*Eff* yeah!

---Death Battle---

M. Bison
-The final boss in many Street Fighter games
-Banished all goodness from his soul
-A master of Shadowlooism
-Teleport, brainwashing, mind control, body possession, Psycho Cannon, Psycho Crusher
-Final Bison form boosts all of his soul powers to their peak
-Flip kick, slide-kick, powerful punches
-Has survived the soul crushing "Raging Demon"
-Physical body is destroyed if he is too reliant on his soul power

"The day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me... it was Tuesday."

Master Bison is the leader of a world-traveling group called Shadowloo and is public enemy number one.

He induces fear in everybody who faces him... unless you're Akuma. Then you just use Raging Demon on the tall bastard.

After training under the tutelage of gypsies, Bison mastered the method of weaponizing his soul. Eventually, he went even further and banished his goodness from his soul to make his soul even more powerful.

That goodness now exists in a woman named Rose. How the hell does that work?

His Shadowlooism is portrayed in a number of different powers including teleportation, brainwashing, and bodily possession. He also wields Psycho Power in the form of the Psycho Cannon energy projectile and the fatal Psycho Crusher.

This final boss adds to his cheap move set with skull-bashing punches, a flip kick, and that cheap-*ss slide-kick! Every *eff*ing time!

The one drawback of Bison's soul power is that it deteriorates his physical body beyond repair if he relies too heavily on the unnatural abilities.

But he cares little for caution and assures his victory by transforming into Final Bison, the form that pushes his Psycho Powers to their maximum potential.

And before it's too late, he usually just takes over a helpless victim's body when his current body gets burned up.

Still, I guess he has a noble goal... kind of.

"The governments of Earth are polluting the planet and obliterating its natural resources. Shadow Law will stamp them out and rule this planet!"

~Master Bison
He's our hero
Gonna take pollution down to zero~

Ugh... not this again.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Our fake arena today is composed of imitation Crystal Palace, complete with stained-glass windows depicting the visage of the dark ruler himself. He sits upon his throne minding his own evil business. That is the case, until one of his windows gets broken in by a tall bastard. Said bastard scoffs at the monotony of the palace. To this, the dark unicorn stands ready to give this intruder his full attention.

"FIGHT!"

In a shade of purple, Bison vanishes. Sombra grunts in confusion. The intruder reappears behind him and punches him, sending him flying. Bison follows up quickly with a blast of energy, the Psycho Cannon. Despite his current upside-down flight, Sombra still manages to flicker a dark aura around his horn. Shortly thereafter, a dark crystal stalagmite grows out of the floor. This crystal intercepts the Psycho Cannon shot, but shatters after doing so.

Sombra rights himself and lands on his hooves. He conjures up another crystal piece before launching it forth. Bison simply smirks and vanishes. The projectile completely destroys the throne. Additionally, the impact rips a hole in the palace's wall.

Bison teleports behind the unicorn and slides forward with a kick. The motion trips Sombra up. The 'Master' turns around and slides again... and again... and again... and once again. Fed up with getting tripped, Sombra conjures a thick wall of crystal to surround himself. Bison's slide-kick bounces off this new crystal slightly, but his evil smirk doesn't leave him.

The man floats off the floor ever so slightly. He then proceeds to aim his fists forth while spinning. His entire body is surrounded by a rush of what looks like a cross between purple light, fire, and eerie shadows. His Psycho Crusher smashes through the crystal barricade and takes Sombra for a ride.

The king is forced out of the hole in the wall that he had made earlier. Bison circles around and floats just above Sombra before aiming both of his feet straight down. Sombra growls as his eyes flash green.

"This place shall become your-!"

He never finishes his sentence, because his feet make contact with nothing. Rather, his body passes right through a huge cloud of smoke. This phenomenon leaves Bison at a loss for words as he lands on the ground below with a loud crash. Unlike a normal human, however, he doesn't seem all that hurt by the landing.

As Sombra the smoke cloud floats down to ground level, he laughs wickedly. A slight black spark from his red horn leads to several crystals shooting out of the ground and encasing Bison from view. Sombra resumes his unicorn form to laugh properly. A rush of dark fire interrupts his laughing fit.

"My Psycho power has no limit!"

The crystal cage gets blasted into shards. Bison's outfit exchanges its reds for blacks. He floats a few feet into the air. In an instant, he vanishes. A few rapid teleports can show him hitting and kicking Sombra from multiple directions. At least, that is the case until Sombra sinks into the ground in his shadow form.

Suddenly, Bison find himself on the receiving end of a sharp crystal jabbing right through his punching arm. A few more crystal shards slice through the rest of his limbs. One more crystal grows up and cracks a piece off to smash his head and body against the crystal pavement. A faded afterimage of Bison's complete body floats around the carnage.

"Bond," his voice echoes.

Despite his order, however, he finds his soul has a difficult time trying to attach to a body that won't stay solid for more than a few seconds. He yells out as his soul is forced to break apart without a body to inhabit.

"K.O.!"

Sombra heads back up to his throne room and orders his slaves to repair his royal seat.

---Death Battle---

Man, it's got to be embarrassing when a pony can kick your butt.

Sombra is no ordinary pony. His familiarity with the dark arts meant that Bison's typical application of fear would have little effect on him. Bison is tough against any fighter who faces him fair and square, but dirty tricks in magic are practically second nature for Sombra.

It's pretty hard to land a hit on somebody that acts like a *eff*ing ghost for most of his screen time.

Plus, his intangible body provided no feasible opportunity for Bison to possess him once the Final Bison form burned up his own.

Bison didn't stand a ghost of a chance.

The winner is Sombra.

---Death Battle---

~King Sombrero
He's our hero
Gonna take M. Bison down to zero
Gonna help him
Conquer the realm
Are a group of slaves composed of crystal ponies~

W's cybernetic arm "malfunctions", hitting B in the process.

Next time on Death Battle...

Black and red are the colors most associated with overpowered. But which of these next two red and black combatants is the most overpowered? An officially created one or a fan-created one?

Later on...

We've showcased how each of these two combatants can withstand and overcome insanely strong sword fighters. Soon the time will come where we demonstrate their capabilities against each other.

Ow... but don't go away. Because after we're done showing you those, we've got... wait... Oh, d*** it!

A/N: What's wrong? It's just another lightning round... wait... Why are you the one reading that line in the script? That was supposed to be the computer's line.

Yeah, I just noticed that you completely forgot to mention one of the most awesomest fights that you plan to do in the whole lineup!

Yes, that is rather rude. Don't you think so, director? That's why we edited the after battle script to be a little more appropriate.

A/N: 0_o What the heck are you two doing here? I never wanted to have anything to do with you ever again.

Well, that's too bad for you.

I'm Deadpool!

I'm Discord!

And it's these idiots' job to analyze our weapons, armor, and skills to find out why I would win in a Death Battle!

Hey! Only one of us in an idiot!

Yeah! ... Wait a minute...

And what do you mean why you would win? It's obvious to all the bronies why I would win such an encounter.

A/N: :fluttercry:

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

*whispers* Help me.

Side Battle: A Spark vs. Many

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Can they stack up to Shadow the Hedgehog? Maybe.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Netherrealm Studios, and Blue Breeze.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 12

Newspaper doesn't even begin to describe how red and black all over this is.

Red and black are common go-to colors representing love or blood and sin or death.

Well, I'd love to see the blood of these sinners as one of them dies.

On one side, we have the pegasus pony Dark Lightning.

On the other, we have Ermac the black-and-red palette swap of Mortal Kombat's generic ninjas. She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Dark Lightning
-Pegasus pony from the Everfree
-Current residence: Golden Oaks Library, Ponyville
-Faster flier than Rainbow Dash
-More arrogant and brash than Season 1 Rainbow Dash
-Manipulator of lightning
-Signature move: Lightning Grenade

"What's wrong? Didn't spend enough time warming up?"

At a glance, Dark Lightning appears to be your typical anti-hero. He accidentally killed his father at a young age and lived in the Everfree Forest for years to come. After getting hog-tied by Blue Breeze, and a word from Princess Celestia, Dark became a resident of Ponyville's library... well, in that story's universe anyway. I've certainly never seen him there.

*sarcastic tone* Right, because the events of your world are like the bible of OC stories. *end sarcasm*

Oh, hush.

Wait a minute. How did he accidentally kill his father?

Hmm... When it's an accident, I think we call that "ponyslaughter".

Ew... With a past event like that, you know he isn't going to be pleasant to talk to. Hell, his brash and cocky attitude is about a grade worse than Equestria Girls' version of Rainbow Dash. Oh, shots fired!

True, it's very easy to find a conversation where he has at least one insult ready for each of the ponies present.

But Dark doesn't just talk crap like young Dash. He even flies fast like Dash, faster if he really wants to.

Such speed is rather appropriate for his simple battle strategy of rushing his opponents. Additionally, he will use dirty tactics to win a fight if given a chance, unlike Rainbow who eventually learned to overcome her cheating instincts.

Another thing that sets this ***hole apart from Dash is the weather-specific powers. His focus is solely on the lightning. How apt.

He can increase the damage of his kicks by turning his hooves into tasers, channel electricity through the ground and shock the enemy from underneath, and even create blades composed of lightning.

Despite the similar effects to those of the thunder god Raiden, Dark can't defy every law of physics. Insulated ground made of sand, dirt, or wood prevents him from conducting electricity very well.

Even with that slight limitation that grounds him in reality, Dark Lightning can still use his personal technique: the Lightning Grenade. More powerful than an EMP grenade, this ball of compressed electricity can knock out large foes in the direction that he throws it.

With his speed and electrical powers, he may just be able to strike down his foes before they know what hit them.

"How about I show you how dangerous I am?!"

---Death Battle---

Ermac
-Fusion of souls that were destroyed in Outworld's wars
-Alignment: Unwillingly Evil
-Uses "we" and "our" rather than "I" and "my"
-Fighting styles: northern and southern Chinese martial arts
-Powers: Telekinesis, realm travel (teleport), force ball
-Fatalities include an explosive uppercut, crushing the enemy's body before tearing them in half, ripping off the opponent's limbs, and "Pest Control"
-(In second timeline) Has officially lost battles against Liu Kang, Sub-Zero, and Kurtis Stryker

"We are many. You are one."

Over the centuries, Outworld challenged, reigned victorious, and destroyed countless other worlds.

One morning, Shao Kahn decided he had enough souls and decided not to eat them. Instead, he fused them all together in a weird ninja-shaped conglomeration and called it Ermac.

The souls within Ermac's very being conflict with each other on a regular basis. In order to assume semblance of control, he had little choice but to follow the orders of his creator, Shao Kahn. In doing so, he stood as one of the best and last few lines of defense against Earthrealm in the Mortal Kombat tournaments.

He's got some serious identity disorder. Almost every pronoun that comes out of his mouth is a "we" or an "us".

While this annoys opponents to no end, the souls do agree on enough knowledge to utilize both northern and southern styles of Chinese martial arts.

These are amped up by this abomination's telekinetic powers. He can throw his opponent with his mind, float by himself and increase his falling speed to make his kicks count, teleport around the battlefield, and shoot force balls. Once he feels like he's tenderized his enemies sufficiently, he performs one of many Fatalities.

He can perform an uppercut powerful enough to make a human head explode, crush an enemy into the fetal position, rip off a person's limbs via telekinesis, shrink an enemy down before wiping them off his boot, or turn himself into a frog.

Wait, what? Ha ha ha! How does turning into Kermit make you more deadly?

In spite of all of his impressive uses of telekinesis, he only has a humble number of victories to his name. The list of fighters that have managed to best him include Liu Kang, Sub-Zero, and Kurtis Stryker.

How do you lose to a bicycle cop that can't even fire lethal bullets on a perfect headshot?

"We will break you as well."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A pegasus stallion flaps and hovers into this oddly red arena. The place is covered in stalagmites. At the edge against one wall, a column of green spirits spins around. They seem to notice the intruder's presence and circle around the room more erratically.

"You have disturbed our regeneration process."

Several of the green spirits gather at a single point. A shape grows out of their merging. It looks like a man clad in red and black. Onlookers could confuse him for a red Scorpion if it weren't for his glowing green eyes.

"D**n, you ugly," comments the pegasus.

"FIGHT!"

Ermac mutters something incomprehensible under his mask. Simultaneously, he reaches out a hand as something green swirls around his fingertips. A similar green force grabs ahold of Dark Lightning.

"Huh? What the...?"

Dark tries to fly forward, but the weird force slowly pushes him back. It then promptly slams him into the floor. Ermac then jumps straight up. A force of green arcs itself underneath his feet. He hovers for a moment before slamming down faster than normal gravity should allow him to do. The ground shakes so hard that Dark gets thrown into the air.

The pegasus quickly recovers from the toss and flaps in place. He aims his front hooves down and performs his own ground slam. But instead of causing a small-scale earthquake, a stream of electricity flows from his hooves into the floor. It snakes around some of the stalagmites before channeling through Ermac's feet. The result is an amusing spectacle of the ninja's skeleton.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you," says Dark with a smirk.

He takes flight and soars straight ahead. He makes three quick passes, colliding with his opponent each time. Ermac finally recovers and seems to vanish into a green hole. When Dark's fourth pass hits nothing but thin air, he looks around in confusion. This is quickly remedied by Ermac teleporting to Dark's blind spot.

The ninja throws a punch before vanishing again. Dark spins around... only to take another punch from behind. Ermac teleports and his kick collides with the stallion's face. Dark growls before flying straight up. He successfully dodges Ermac's next physical strike.

"Cheap trick, coward!" Dark calls out as he aims himself at a downward angle. "Now hold still so I can zap you like a stallion!"

Ermac holds his hands out in front of him. A green ball of telekinetic energy shoots forth and collides with the diving pegasus. Dark recoils from the impact. Ermac keeps his hands out as his green power surrounds his fingers and the pegasus.

"We will break you," say his many voices in unison.

Dark grunts. "Not if I break you first!"

Despite his body not responding to commands to move, the stallion still manages to charge up a large ball of electricity and launch it down. The Lightning Grenade detonates and shocks the ninja, breaking his concentration. Free from the telekinetic hold, Dark flexes his hooves like a pair of shock gloves. He flies over and passes by Ermac several more times, electrifying the ninja with each punch.

All of the electricity leaves Ermac in a daze. He rolls his head around dizzily. A dramatic chord is played as the arena grows strangely dim. Dark concentrates his lightning into a huge electrical sword. He slashes it through the ninja's body twice to make an "X". He then proceeds to charge up and throw a second Lightning Grenade right at the torso. The electricity causes Ermac to contort and cry out just as his body flies off in five different directions.

"FATALITY!"

Dark laughs. "Now you're dead, so... uh..." His eyes open wide as he suddenly comes to the realization that a corpse can't feel insulted. "D**n it!"

---Death Battle---

Well, I guess it's time to find the orange Scorpion, because the red one is fried.

This was surprisingly close considering the abilities involved. While Ermac can teleport around, Dark Lightning could counter with his natural-born speed. Both of them had strong, ranged projectiles and each had a unique ability that could undermine the other.

The difference was at the core of their characters. Ermac often fought to protect the interests of Shao Kahn and has lost against competitors that have fought fair and square. Dark Lightning was less apt to do so and used fatal electricity for kicks and giggles.

Ermac isn't used to fighting very fast opponents and even had trouble combatting another electric enemy called Ashrah.

Hell, he loses to Stryker on a regular basis. Stryker! You know that guy that can't even get a proper headshot when his bullets hit? I'm sorry. But no respectable ninja loses to that cop.

The edge was only slightly in Dark's favor, but that's what would allow him to win the majority of encounters.

In the end, Ermac was shocked by his defeat.

The winner is Dark Lightning.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

A dramatic orchestra plays as the Triforce glows on the screen. A blue shield with a star at its center shines next to it.

Author's Note

Yes, I appropriated some information from Y and A. What can I say? They do some pretty fine research.

D is For...

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Ah... dang it.
Properties in this story belong to-
Hasbro!
ScrewAttack!
and Marvel entertainment.

Oh, come on! At least let me say my own pre-chapter notes in peace!

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 15

Holy crap! It is freezing in here! We were here at noon. It was not this cold!

So that's where I put my bonfire. I've been looking for that everywhere.

Wait, how does fire...? What...?

When a character wishes to bend reality to their whim, there is sometimes no stopping them.

Especially when they have the power to shatter the fourth wall entirely. The likes of which include Deadpool: the Merc with a Mouth.

And Discord: the master of chaos and disharmony.

Wait... does something feel off to you?

Um... yeah. These are both canonical characters, not fan creations. Why were we given these scripts?

Oh, W and B will be along momentarily. For now, let's have a little fun!

Sweet *jay* *cee*! What the *eff* is that?!

Oh, that's right. You've never actually met me before. Have you, Mr. Wall?

Eh... *ahem* F, this is Discord. Discord, this is F.

A pleasure to meet you at long last.

Um, sure. *cough* One second please.

F lights a cigarette and takes a long drag from it. Discord puts a hand next to his mouth as he looks at the audience.

The director does not condone the use of smoking tobacco or any other flammable products. Characters that do so in this story are meant to be there solely for comedic effect.

What the hell are you mumbling about?

Discord turns back to the unicorn host.

Nothing at all. Actually, I was just wondering why you four hosts refer to yourselves only by the first letter of your names.

*exhales* It's a guard against stupid suing. It's not a perfect defense, but it's better than outright showing to the world a stolen character.

But you don't ask Marvel, Capcom, Nintendo, and all those other big corporations for permission to write about their characters. Why should your true identities be any different?

Not that this isn't a fine topic of conversation, but aren't we forgetting what we're supposed to be doing here in the first place?

Oh, yeah! *facehoof* Duh! We've got to get moving. She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Deadpool
-Real name: Wade Winston Wilson; other aliases: The Merc with a Mouth, Regenerating Degenerate, Ninja Spider-Man
-Assassin, mercenary-for-hire, "the next great superhero"
-A living, breathing tumor with Wolverine's healing factor, super strength, speed, and agility
-Can fight off multiple armed thugs while talking on the phone
-Magic satchel: carries just about anything that Wade could ever want; some unusual items include a Carbonadium sword, an infinity stone, and... crayons
-Favorite weapons: twin katanas, machine guns, grenades, sledgehammers, a teleportation belt
-Sloppy in battle
-So unpredictable that sometimes even he doesn't know what he's going to do next

"Heeey! Yeah you! I'm down here busting my *ss while you sit on yours watching me jump around! How is that fair?"

Meanwhile, in a separate recording studio...

J says, "In three, two, one... Go, W."

Wade Winston Wilson was a globetrotting mercenary looking to become the world's next greatest superhero. Then he was diagnosed with cancer, which hit him like a backstab from his own Carbonadium sword.

What's with you and oddly specific circumstances?

S steps away from the microphone and whispers, "That's what's in the script."

*ahem* He gave up on life, quit his chemo treatments, and dumped his girlfriend to free her from the burden of loving a man doomed to die.

At least that was the case, until Department K gave him another chance at life through the Weapon X program. They injected Wade with Wolverine's healing factor. They treated his body like a playground for a number of deadly experiments.

While his cells now regenerate faster than the cancer can kill him, he's still very much affected by the tumors. It's a good thing he wears that mask or we'd be forced to watch it.

Oh, right... still need mind bleach for that painful sight.

Infused with strength, speed, and stamina, Wade staged a dramatic escape and took on his fellow inmates' suggestion of the name Deadpool, named after the placed bets on who would win and who would die.

Can I borrow these? 'Kay thanks!

Deadpool swipes the scripts.

J calls out, "What the heck? How did he... just... what?"

Now back to our studio...

Here! Read these.

Uh... somehow Deadpool has an uncanny awareness of whatever video game, comic book, TV show, or amazingly written story that he's in.

N shuffles her papers and reads the pointed out line word for word.

Huzzuh what now?

Basically, he's an expert at obliterating the fourth wall.

Like he did to my ex-wife- WHAT?!

N's cheeks turn red as she slowly puts the piece of parchment down.

Ha ha ha ha! Oh my gaude! This is hilarious. Ha ha ha!

What horrible words have escaped my mouth? *sobs*

F coughs and spits out his cigarette.

Deadpool's regenerating factor is so quick-acting that he can survive numerous deadly situations. These include getting his heart ripped out, getting his head blown to smithereens, or being melted into a puddle. Even when he does "die" he simply flirts with Death and tries to *eff* her in her non-existent baby maker.

N's face is down flat against the desk.

Though he can pull out almost any weapon he wants out of the magic satchel, he does have his favorites.

Katanas, machine guns, and a teleportation belt... oh my! Sledgehammers, pineapple surprises, and a continuity-altering infinity stone! It's like my own slice of heaven.

His quickdraw is fast enough to take down seven Hydra agents at once. He has taken on multiple armed goons... while talking on the phone. Plus, he's so unpredictable that Taskmaster, the guy whose power is literally predicting his opponents' moves, couldn't predict Deadpool's moves. There was also that one time where he managed to kill the entire Marvel universe. It was all thanks to a heal factor nullifying sword made of Carbonadium. *Eff*ing cheater.

The crying starts to die down a little.

Are you going to be all right, N?

*sniff* Yeah, I'll be all right. Let's just... move on. Go.

Unlike most people, I can't die! I can make all the mistakes so you don't have to.

A/N: Hey!

---Death Battle---

Discord
-Voiced by John de Lancie; inspired by Star Trek's Q
-Draconequus; manipulator of chaos
-Causes havoc with just a snap of his claws or even a fake sneeze
-Recently made friends with Fluttershy
-Can bend his body every which way, levitate and teleport without any visibly concentrated magic, and alter the events happening on the screen to the point that the viewer asks, "What the frigate track?"
-Can be held still by the Elements of Harmony

~A little glass of water please~

A/N: Don't even go there!

Wow, this director sure is a stick in the mud.

Tell me about it. Oh, but I have good news. *yoink* I found the other two hosts while your information was being discussed.

Wait, what? What's going on? Where am I?

A/N: Shirayuki?!

Tundra?!

What in the hay is going on?

A/N: Son of a fire cracker! These aren't W and B, Discord!

They're not? Huh. I could have sworn they looked so similar... Oh well. *snap*

The white alicorn in green armor and the orange earth pony disappear from the set.

... That was weird.

That's about what you can expect when Discord gets involved. Over one thousand years ago, he caused a lot of trouble for ponies all across the land. He has the power to provoke chaos, essentially destroying any semblance of sense wherever he goes.

And he can do all of this just by snapping his finger... claw... talon... things?

That's right! Want to see a demonstration?

No, I think I had enough of one by you teleporting AJ and that other pony in here earlier.

Discord snaps a claw. F's mane freezes solid. He chatters his teeth in response.

It's much more fun to experience it first hoof. May I call you "I"?

No, Discord. We've confused the audience enough as is. We should really get back to-

So, I, who do you have the hots for?

W-W-What does th-th-that h-have t-t-t-t-to d-d-do with an-n-n-nything?

It doesn't. *snap* Oh, look! A Fluttershy.

A pair of monarch wings flap through while carrying a miniature Fluttershy head.

Right! Fluttershy was trusted with reforming him to the path of good, and she succeeded... more or less. Despite his tendency to manipulate the situation, however, Tirek was able to outwit him in his own field with the offer of freedom. Though, the centaur's betrayal soon snapped Discord out of his falsified friendship fantasy.

True. Being a heartless villain isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Just stick to playing all the sides against each other. It's more fun that way!

That's a rather intriguing view. I must admit.

C-C-C-Could y-you p-p-please g-g-g-get th-this ice off of my h-h-h-h-head?

Shouldn't take a moment. *snap*

A spoon appears in Discord's paw. He proceeds to take spoonfuls of perfectly chaotic, shaved ice from atop F's head.

Mmmm, fire sauce.

J-J-Jerk...

Time for the cucumber sandwiches!

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

Achoo! *sniff* *sniff* Ugh... It's t-t-time for a D-D-D-Death B-B-Battle... so cold...

---Death Battle---

So, where are we now?

It would appear that we're in a forest, answers a sophisticated voice inside the merc's head.

Oh, the jungle! Do they have fun and games? asks a very crazed voice that shares thinking space.

Perhaps they have Monopoly.

I want to meet Rudolph and Bambi. You think they'd sign my deer rifle?

Don't be ridiculous. They would much prefer to sign my white glove.

Uh, news flash, boys: We don't have either of those things.

Right, the objects are too realistic to fit the joke. Pfft. What a wimpy drawback.

I concur. Drawbacks are quite cowardly. So, do we actually have any idea what we're doing?

Well, according to page 7, we were hired by some anonymous big-spender to kill a dragon-horse that calls himself Discord.

I believe that's pronounced 'draconequus', corrects the higher class voice.

Draco-horse, dragon-equine; tomato, banana. It's all the same. Let's go kill it!

I suppose you're right.

Great, now which way is he?

As the narrator finally gets a word in, the moment is short-lived. A puff of white light seems to pop out of nowhere as a conglomeration of several different animals appears on a single body.

Oh, come now, narrator. You don't have to describe my physical features every single time I appear.

What are you talking about? This is the first time I've ever talked in detail about you.

Right... I forgot that was the other narrator who blew off his job.

A/N: You mean you blew him up with real dynamite.

Like I said, who needs details?

The five or ten readers that haven't watched all the previous seasons of Friendship is Magic need those details.

... Am I being ignored?

It appears that you are being neglected in favor of another argument.

Hey, I wanna argue too!

"All right, I'll cut right into their conversation," says the masked ninja as he pulls out his twin swords: Leonardo One and Kill William Mcgee.

A/N: *exhales* This is why I don't work with Loki rip-offs.

Well then, it's a good thing Loki ripped off me.

Can I get back to my job or is this just not going anywhere?

"Don't bother, pal. We can take care of ourselves like the big boys that we are," interrupts a sexy merc's voice.

A/N: Wait, when did you...?

Yeah, you guys move slower than molasses when you're arguing. Let's just move right to the good stuff, the stuff that all the good little boys and girls in the audience came to watch: me screwing with a draconic-kiss's head and frying the rest of him in a batter.

I always wondered what I would taste like fried, though I'm more curious to see how I can grill a regenerating degenerate.

Um, we're still in the forest, right?

*snap* Nope, now we're in the Breezies' homeland.

"Hold that thought, big guy," says the Raging Sex Machine as he pulls out an odd little stone. The scenery changes around again to reflect a city burning down. It's the middle of a nazi zombie apocalypse! Isn't that great? Oh, but you two should watch out right... behind you.

What do you mean? *nabbed* What the... No! Let go of me!

A/N: Stay back! I have Sode no Shirayuk-EEEEEEEEE!

"Farewell, gentlemen. We hardly knew ye." Super Deadpool performs the one-finger salute over his chest. "So..." He pulls out his pistols. "How about we get started?"

I'm all for narrating my suave moves and red pool vanishing tricks. Let me just do this! *snap*

"FIGHT!"

No, no, no, wrong! You say it like this!

"FIGHT!"

The most beautiful creature in existence looks steadily at the pitiful boy. "I think that's enough lip from you for today." He snaps his gorgeous lion's paw and the degenerate's lips now rest on top of Discord's grasp.

A moment passes while Deadpool pats his face in shock as his voice only comes out in muffles. However, the last humph sounds pretty clever and savant. The lips in that dragon-horse's grasp start moving of their own accord and ask, "I think you're forgetting something important."

"Really?" asks Discord in amusement. "And what would that be?" He idly tosses the lips up and down a couple of times.

This time the voice comes from Deadpool's face. "Every part of my body replaces itself in a matter of seconds."

"Oh," says the draconequus plainly with a dumbfounded look. "Swizzle sticks."

"But I'm guessing your body doesn't," says the merc. He takes aim with the best pistols in the world. "Ba-da-bum-ba-da-bye!" Each syllable is matched with an equally loud shot fired. The last one goes right through to the beast's heart.

Yet what this guy fails to understand is that a draconequus's anatomy is not like any of the creatures he is composed of. That wasn't my heart at all. I simply snap and flap my wings while blowing a raspberry at him. Said raspberry splatters its juice all over his mask.

So you're a fruit guy, huh? How about a nice helping of pineapples?

While the offer of spiky fruit is tempting, I swivel out of the way in time for two fiery explosions to go off behind me. It seems bombs are just getting smaller and smaller as time goes on.

While he's distracted by time-travelling philosophy, I run in for cutting time. ~La, la-la, la-la-la~

I conjure a pair of scissors between my claws and counter the swords in ways that no pony can comprehend. I even snip his belt off.

Good thing I always carry a spare and wrap it around before I lose my pants. Bam! *flash*

Where did he go?

Shh, be very quiet. I'm winding up my sledgehammers for a surprise attack. 1... 2... Wham!

Your favorite villain flies head over toe into the nearest building. Some bricks fall out along his outline.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You sure leave a big impression, Discord! Ha ha ha ha ha!

While he's busy laughing, I snap the fluff on my tail to bring back the zombies that wandered off earlier and... *ahem* convince them to get their next meal on the ground below.

My phone is ringing. "Hello?" A bit of gibberish is prattled through the line as I slap a zombie b**** with my sledgehammer. "Yes." Another question from the woman is placed while I flip a surprisingly handsome zombie on his head and dropkick him into the rest of the crowd. "I said yes the first time! Hold on." I vanish into the light and reappear just to bash this gorilla of a zombie's head in. "Right, anything else?" Another round of blabbing is met with a round of one-handed mini-gun fire. "I'll call you back later, you old hag!" Sheesh, Aunt Fefe is such a chatterbox. People say I'm annoying.

A/N: Ugh... eh... you are annoying.

And you just proved my point. What was I doing again?

You're riding a valkerian steed while singing I'm a weenie-dooky.

Whoa, so you're funny with the way things work too? Well, I've got something for that. Discord's underwater while Superman's heat vision cooks him alive.

Yeah? Well, Deadpool is sucking on Death's *****.

Oh, baby... come to Daddy.

Ergh, I mean Rainbow's mane.

"What the heck?! Get off of me you weird red thing!" *buck*

Huh. There's got to be something less boring than falling from the clouds. Oh, I know! I'm having a slapfight with Discord as the ground gets ever so closer.

Down low! Too slow!

Aw... d**n it.

"Wait... why is there something on the ground that spells out the letters W... h... a... t... t... h... e... f... u..." *ground explosion*

Twenty ounces never fails.

I keep telling you: Make your measurements in American.

---Death Battle---

Wait, what? You can't just end it there! Where's the big K.O.?

I guess the world may never know.

Actually, I've got your answer right here.

Deadpool pulls out an off-white sword and slashes through Discord's stomach and neck.

I noticed you were able to heal back up pretty quick. This little baby just made that effect go bye-bye.

Discord's head still moves.

I don't have a healing factor to take away in the first place.

Oh...

But you see that Carbonadium sword of yours? *snap*

A lone lion's paw now wields the blade behind Wade.

My sword now.

It digs through Deadpool's spine and chest.

Ow, seriously? Good thing I've still got this!

Deadpool pulls out the infinity stone and rewrites reality to the point that both combatants are still unharmed inside the studio.

It would seem we're at an impasse.

Looks that way, John. Say, hosts? Can you tell us who wins this fight?

Er... well...

That is to say...

I mean he can...

But he can too... so...

But then there's...

Uh...

Hmm...

A door slams open.

That's it! Nobody's stopping me this time! I am killing him once and for all! *click-chunk*

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!

B's shotgun goes off as Deadpool heads out the door.

And as for you...

W tosses a set of headphones on Discord and turns one of Skrillex's songs up to 11.

Aaaaaah! It burns! Chaos isn't supposed to be so... orderly... *kerplop*

Discord vanishes to who-knows-where, leaving the headphones to drop to the floor.

*ahem* So, as you were going to say...

Their unpredictable natures would pretty much clash to the point of no decisive end.

So the winner of any given encounter between those two has a fifty-fifty shot.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Remember: No matter how sexy you are, I'm sexier! Bachow! Deadpool is leaving the building.

Ch. 99: No Rhyme or Reason, Just Gotta Fight

The "Light" and "Dark" under "Formatting" are a matter of choice, right?

Properties belong to their respective owners.

Four Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights are settled without fluffy analysis!

Eight opponents!

Four fights!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

(DC Heroes vs. Power Ponies)

---Wonder Woman vs. Mistress Mare-velous---

A faint outline of an airplane glides through the air. A small dot emerges. It grows larger and shows a rather revealing outfit on the Amazonian princess. As she lands on the street, a pony that's in a zipped-up tight outfit yelps at the sudden noise. However, the mask doesn't hide the new rise in determination.

It's time to tie up the loose ends.

Begin!

Wonder Woman grabs her tiara and tosses it forth. Mare-velous grabs a golden horseshoe-rang and performs a similar action. The projectiles collide in midair and bounce off with a loud metallic clang. Mare-velous gallops forth and throws in a kick or two. Wonder Woman ziplines out and around the screen. She seems to be walloping Mare-velous from every straight-lined direction that is possible from off the screen.

Mare-velous grabs hold of her lasso and tries to toss the loop in front of her. Wonder Woman simply blurs behind her. She pulls out her own Lasso of Truth and loops it right around the middle of the Power Pony's body. It's a mighty tight fit. Mare-velous closes her eyes as her own rope suddenly glows yellow. It rises off the ground where she had initially tossed it and snakes around Wonder Woman. Mare-velous clenches her eyelids a little bit tighter. The psychic lasso obliges and seems to squeeze extremely tightly against Wonder Woman's neck.

There's a popping noise followed by the Amazonian's head rolling along the ground.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Mistress Mare-velous.

Next up, we're fighting furries!

(Dust: An Elysian Tail vs. Blue Stranger, Red Curtain)

---Dust, Fidget, and Ahrah vs. Aoi Myoujin---

Welcome to the jungle. It's got fun and games... well, not really. This particular setup just has a lot of trees and a creek. A blue and black hat bobs up and down as the first combatant runs into a clearing. He holds a very exotic sword in one hand. His tail briefly shines in white for no reason.

An orange nimbat flutters while panting near his head. "So... why are we here again?"

"I don't know," admits the standing figure. "I just had a feeling is all."

Another figure wearing sandals steps lively from the other end of the clearing before sliding to a halt. "Dare desu ka?"

"What?" The nimbat tilts her head.

"Are you friend or are you foe?" The first combatant holds his blade tensely.

"Ikuzo!" The wolf unsheathes his katana. A blue eye and a red eye stare ahead with determination.

"Have it your way." The white fox readies himself despite his eyes not showing at all.

Let your swords howl.

Begin!

Both swordsmen dash lightly on their toes. Aoi Myoujin leaps into the air and spins. Dust mirrors these motions. The Blade of Ahrah clangs against Kokuryū no Saishū-bin. One more spin puts Dust on top. He forces Aoi to land prematurely before quickly swinging down. Aoi steps back just in time to avoid Ahrah slamming into the ground.

The fox and wolf charge each other again. This time, they perform the typical choreography of two quick sword swingers. This involves a lot of swinging, a lot of grunting, and a lot of clanging sparks. Dust sneaks in three pummeling impacts. Aoi retorts with a couple swings that draw blood and a pained exclamation from the fox.

Dust steps back and spins his sword at a ridiculously fast speed. A light breeze shakes the garb that Aoi is wearing, but he doesn't look the least bit perturbed. However, the real secret to this attack is coming from a small light being launched off the nimbat behind him. As the light hits the Dust Storm, it multiplies into several light orbs. These orbs circle around and bat Aoi around from every which direction. It yields at least a seventy-five hit combo.

Myoujin falls onto his back. Dust runs forward once more. But as he swings down, Kokuryū no Saishū-bin is suddenly lifted up and the swords clang once more. The wolf pushes just hard enough to send the fox flying. In an instant, the positions of the fighters are reversed and the wolf is rushing forth.

"She-nay!" Aoi swings his sword across a suddenly black screen.

Fidget yells as the bottom half of her body goes soaring while the rest of her falls to the ground.

"Fidget!" Dust's teal eyes suddenly gleam underneath his hat. He yells in rage and rushes forth. His next swing knocks the dragon-infused sword clear out of Aoi's hand.

"Dust, you're burning yourself out!" warns Ahrah as Dust's fur gains a slight tint of red.

Dust hardly seems to care as he hooks one of his sword's points into the back of Aoi's collar. He leaps into the air, and swings straight down. The impact with the ground is much more forceful this time around. Neither of Aoi's eye colors is visible.

As the fox pants harshly, there are a few quiet bells as three mysterious wall chickens disappear from his inventory.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Dust.

The next round is electrifying!

(Mortal Kombat vs. The Conversion Bureau)

---Raiden vs. Xenolestia---

A large barrier is consuming the human planet. A mockery of Celestia stands proudly as her facilities "save" the humans from being erased. However, several golden dragons and a burst of blue lightning interrupt her unconditional takeover. Something in the visage of a man stands with glowing white where his eyes should be.

"You violate our will!" he shouts in several different voices at once. "You merge the realms without victory in Mortal Kombat! Our penalty is clear!"

May the gods be ever in your favor!

Begin!

Raiden holds his hands in a motion similar to a Ryu's Hadouken, though a bit slower and deliberate. Orange lightning races forth from his hands. It is quickly scattered along a large barrier that Xenolestia conjures around herself. She crashes her own spell and takes flight. A burst of magic spits out of her horn.

A surge of blue sparks washes over Raiden, and he vanishes. He teleports behind Xenolestia, and delivers three precise slaps. The third of which is accentuated by a closed circuit of blue lightning. After imitating one of Frankenstein's spasms, the alicorn quickly teleports herself away and turns around to stare angrily at her opponent.

The thunder god zaps forth several lightning jolts. Xenolestia puts up a force field and deflects the electricity. Raiden's quick-paced teleporting delivers five kicks from just as many directions against her shield. She expands her orb and the sudden increase in the spell's diameter knocks Raiden back several yards in the air. He spouts a line of gibberish as he glides forward again.

From within her sphere, Xenolestia calls upon both her Equestrian sun and this new world's sun to rain solar fire upon her approaching enemy. Several trees, grassland, and houses get consumed by the resulting flames. One of the unlucky ponies releases the Wilhelm scream.

Too bad for the pony ruler, but Raiden teleports inside her barrier and injects kilowatts into her that are off the charts. Several pony chunks scatter inside the sphere before the shield spell dissipates completely. In a showing display, Raiden holds his hands up and sparks fly between them.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Raiden.

Fatality!

Let the destruction continue!

(Dreamland vs. Equestria)

---Kirby vs. Pinkie Pie---

The little pink puffball waves his limb around in a punching flurry. Meanwhile, his opponent hops around in blissful glee.

"Whee!" she cheers, "This is going to be fun!"

Go for broke!

Begin!

Kirby leaps up and throws his hammer down. The mallet smacks Pinkie right on the forehead, leaving her squinting in pain. Meanwhile, Kirby performs a backflip in midair before slamming down in his stone form. He bounces off the pony and she recoils back from the impact. She shakes her head before pulling out her piñata-breaking bat.

The star warrior tries inflating himself and floating a few feet up. However, the pony quickly stretches her neck like a giraffe and whacks him with the bat. The Warp Star flies in and catches the falling warrior just as he shakes off his injury. The pony chooses this time to take a snack break and starts drinking straight from a hot sauce bottle.

Kirby interrupts by inhaling the bottle right out of her hoof. A twinkle transforms him into Fire Kirby. He breathes out a huge inferno over his entire surroundings. When the fires finally calm down a bit, a charred Pinkie Pie releases a smoky cough. Despite her second-degree burns, she still finds the strength to pull out a different bottle and... blow bubbles.

The glycerol spheres pop upon impact with Kirby's head, but they also put out that particular Copy power. Upon this light burst, Kirby falls onto the ground with a bouncing sound effect. He steps back to his feet and starts sucking up like there's no tomorrow. The vortex drags Pinkie Pie closer and closer to his mouth. She swims against the current, but to no avail.

In a last ditch effort, Pinkie uses both hooves to grab the sides of Kirby's mouth. The rest of her is comically already inside of him. Suddenly, her shade of pink starts flowing out and covers Kirby. Pinkie's cheeks swell as she starts sucking on the puffball himself. She then proceeds to spit him out and sticks out her tongue in disgust.

The pony then proceeds to grab the little guy and stuff him into her Party Cannon. She slams down on the fire button. At high speeds, Kirby is launched out. He screams all the way into the distant sky. He disappears like a twinkling star.

"Who says Kirby isn't bright?" Pinkie chuckles.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Pinkie Pie.

Next time on Death Battle...

~Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah~

"What was that?"

~Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah~

"What was that?"

~Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah~

"Don't worry. I can handle 'em."

~Ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah~

"Sonic Hedgehog, remember: We work together!"

Author's Note

Really, Dirty Bit? You only "can't help but think" that this chapter was inspired by 1-Minute Melee? I thought I was making it fairly obvious.

Anthropomorphic Battle of the Bands

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: No, it wasn't a stupid idea. I just wasn't sure how to execute it at the time.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DIC Productions L.P.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 16

Before Robotnik from Sonic Shorts blows up another business, let's watch the forgotten show's heroes.

What's up with the booming idea that music can be used as a weapon?

Well, vibrations can be lethal when played at the right concentration. In fact, concentrated 2 dB noise has been used by military organizations to control the very breathing patterns of their enemies in order to force them to surrender.

Dark... the exact opposite of what music in fictional TV and movies are about. Case and point is the trio of Sonic Underground.

And the sirens, otherwise known as the Dazzlings.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

The Dazzlings
-Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk
-Three singers, originally sirens
-Manipulative, arrogant, and seductive
-Magical pendants: absorb negative energy from fights and quarrels; strengthen the power of their voices
-Invasive of personal space with their fingers
-Unexplored conflict between Aria and Adagio's leadership
-Sonata has moments of being uninformed or literal

"I think you're the worst, Sonata."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I think you're-"

"I'll tell you one thing: Being stuck with you two isn't making this world any more bearable."

Over a thousand years ago-

And here we go.

... the sirens lived in Equestria, charming ponies with their song. To fuel this power, they had to feed on the negativity found whenever ponies argued or bickered.

So like... internet trolls?

And the more negative energy they fed upon, the stronger their powers through song became. Starswirl the Bearded found a way to cast the sirens out into another world, hoping that their powers would be neutralized.

Unfortunately, that other world happened to be the one filled with the ugliest color palettes of people I have ever seen. Seriously, some of those folks look like they've got whole new kinds of skin conditions.

Despite Starswirl's hope, the sirens actually kept their powers. They were forced to remain under cover, slowly and carefully absorbing negative energy from the occasional bickering between cafe customers.

Then that movie happened and drew their attention toward Equestrian magic. But they didn't actually arrive at Canterlot High until after the princess got an eyesore of a castle. Where they were between Twilight's visits to this human world, nobody knows. Geez, it's like BlazBlue plot holes all over again.

Anyway, they managed to convince the school to change their musical showcase into a battle of the bands. The conflicts that arose between all the students gave them even more power to the point that they were able to feed off of the main protagonists' Equestrian magic.

Doing so let them transform into pseudo-versions of their true selves, complete with fin-wings, glowing red eyes, and Scott Pilgrim's musical beast summoning abilities.

At full power, their song can turn any normal human into a mindless zombie under their control and fully willing to adore them.

Ugh, their motivation makes them sound like man children.

But, they're girls.

Yeah, so?

*ahem* While their powers do seem to give shame to the enemies of Odysseus, they are not without weaknesses. Should their pendants be damaged and/or removed, their voices become so horrid that nobody wants to hear them.

Like modern pop stars without the autotune.

Also, there seems to be an uncertain amount of internal tension between the three members of the Dazzlings. Aria shoulders a desire to be the leader, yet Adagio is very forceful in maintaining her lead singer position. Also, Sonata Dusk is... um...

... a complete idiot.

Despite these childish flaws, they've somehow managed to survive and stay together for over a millennium.

But if Starswirl chucked them into the other world so many years ago, how come they still look like teenagers?

No one knows.

... Maybe we should have made them fight Ragna instead.

Another time perhaps.

"Told you someone would give them a shove."

"She didn't shove them. She pulled a lever."

"Go back to sleep, Sonata."

---Death Battle---

Sonic Underground
-Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonia, and Manic
-Guitarist, keyboardist, and drummer
-Sonic's unique abilities: Hypersonic speeds, spin dash
-Manic's abilities: Sneaking, pickpocketing, and lock-picking; drumming creates earthquakes
-Sonia's unique abilities: superhuman strength, memory, and cyclone attack
-Powerful medallions: transform into instruments, shoot lasers, and gain power when played in harmony
-Sonic is hydrophobic; Sonia hates getting dirty; Manic is not supernatural aside from his medallion

"For the prophecy to be fulfilled, I had to give up... my babies."

I'm-a let you finish, but 1999 rocked!

Dr. Robotnik was on a quest to take over the planet of Mobius and turn everything and everyone into robots. The rightful Queen Aleena received a vision from this reptile... anteater... thing. In that vision, she and her children would become the Council of Four and overthrow Robotnik. In order to preserve the dynasty, she hid her children away to protect them from Robotnik's clutches.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How can you keep an eye on your children if you give them away to three separate classes of society?

In any case, the three anthro hedgehogs Sonic, Sonia, and Manic grew up a little before finding out about the prophecy themselves. Together, they decided to go on a quest to traverse Mobius and find Aleena.

It's a little harder than it sounds when you add in Robotnik's two lackeys Scratch and Grounder- er, I mean Sleet and Dingo. They're constantly pursuing the hedgehog triplets to gag, bag, and stop the prophecy from coming true.

Fortunately, Aleena's children are anything but helpless. As we've said before, Sonic is the fastest thing alive and retains his usual high speed, energy, and spin attacks.

The girl Sonia has studied and performed gymnastics and karate. She has superhuman strength, a photographic memory, and does a great impression of the Tasmanian Devil's tornado spin.

Manic is a master thief and lock-pick. While his tendencies to steal are looked down upon by his siblings, they have proven useful more than once.

All three of the hedgehogs wear shiny bling that can pop out and transform into ridiculously colored instruments that can shoot laser beams.

Sonic is the lead vocalist and guitar player. Sonia plays a keyboard that can shoot pink mist when the notes are played. Manic's drum set can create earthquakes and was even said to be the strongest of the three instrumental weapons by the Oracle. It sort of acts as compensation for his lack of superpowers.

But the powerless green hedgehog isn't alone. Sonia is a bit prissy, tries to avoid dirt, and is constantly flirting with the next male character introduced each week.

And like most of his iterations, Sonic is extremely paranoid when it comes to water due to his lack of swimming capabilities.

And let's not forget their biggest weakness of all time: cancellation.

Due to its low popularity and a decision by the network, Sonic Underground never did find their mother and become that Council of Four.

Another time perhaps, W. Another time perhaps.

~(Someday)
No more dark clouds above
(Someday)
United in the light of love
(Someday)
The story can only end one way
We'll be together someday~

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The camera pans in on a generic diner. You can tell by the blinking neon lights it has that spell out the word. It's even got a backwards 'R' like all of the classics. Transitioning inside the place, the audience gets a good look at the runaway heroes. The waitress shows up, and you can just barely hear B's whistle somewhere in the distance.

"Two chili dogs with all the fixings," the waitress says sweetly, "Enjoy!"

The blue-haired hero licks his lips before chowing down.

"And just how exactly were you planning on paying for this?" wonders the magenta hero.

"Don't worry, Sis, I got this," insists the green one as he passes some bills with some suspiciously large numbers considering their recent outgoings. The waitress blows a kiss before going about her way.

Sonia whispers harshly, "And just where did you get those?"

"Oh, nowhere," said Manic, dodging the question. He then coughs, "The register."

Sonia puts a hand against her hip. "What am I going to do with you?" She turns to her other brother. "And weren't you the one complaining about us not moving fast enough?"

But his reply is muffled by the mess currently being devoured in his mouth.

Sonia crosses her arms and mutters, "This is why I need to find some female friends."

Suddenly, the joint's door slams open. This is accompanied by three voices singing a single vowel. The multiple occupants turn their heads to see what's singing that song. Three oversized hairstyles attached to toothpick-thin girls stroll in while continuing their intro tune.

The girls start walking past the tables. As they do, they gently stroke their fingers over the heads of the customers. While they get some strange looks, nobody seems to have the nerve to speak out against the bad touches. However...

"How can you not care about me?"

Between bites, Sonic turns at the random outburst.

"What? I've always done everything for you!"

The two lackluster customers seem to be having a little squabble. As the singing trio keeps walking through the diner, more small arguments of similar hostility erupt. Manic and Sonia look around in bewilderment.

"What's going on?" asks Manic over the rabble. "Everyone was pretty cool just a second ago."

"This is definitely not cool anymore," agrees Sonia.

Sonic swallows a big bite before pointing out his finger. "And it looks like those girls have something to do with the talk heating up."

"Well, if their song is what's causing such an uproar..." Sonia reaches toward her medallion instinctively.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" asks Manic rhetorically. He too starts tapping his medallion.

"All right!" Sonic shouts ecstatically as he rapidly rubs his medallion. "This is happening!"

Conveniently, the two teams end up on slightly raised platform stages on either side of the diner. The medallions pop out in flashes of light. In Sonic's hands, a guitar that resembles the head of a purple hedgehog appears. A large keyboard lands in front of Sonia. Manic gets surrounded by several large yellow rings with taut white tops. Two double cymbals stand amidst the drums.

"Rock on!"

Sonia grabs a floating microphone in front of her as Manic starts smacking the drums. Sonic strums a steady beat on the three lines that make up his music-powered guitar. All the while, Sonia sings her heart out and her brothers add a few lines of harmony.

~Be part of the solution

No reason for losing

Just be sure you're not

Part of the problem~

The Dazzlings get a bit shaken up by the restaurant wobbling. Yet, they quickly regain their balance and sing even more precisely than they were before. There's an electronic vibe going through despite the sirens' lack of instrumentation.

~Let's have a battle

Yeah, we're all in it

Let's have a battle

Battle of the bands~

On Sonia's count, Manic and Sonic pick up their respective beats. The intensity of the atmosphere rises. Voices meld with the pumping instrumental. Lasers fire from the guitar and keyboard, forcing the Dazzlings to duck for cover.

~Never give up the fight!~

But just as it seems the hedgehogs are picking up wind, the sirens draw in a large pool of energy in the form of green smoke. Their pendants glow bright red. The light seems to affect their very clothes. Adagio smirks as Aria and Sonata pick up the backup vocals.

~We will be adored. Tell us that you want us

We won't be ignored. It's time for our reward

Now you need us! Come and heed us!

Nothing can stop us now!~

The Dazzlings' voices actually push back some of the laser fire. One of Manic's drum earthquakes gets stopped before it reaches the enemy. Suddenly, all three of the instruments fizzle, flash, and return to their medallion form.

"Uh, oh! We used up too much power with that last chorus!" exclaims Sonia.

"What do we do now?" asks Manic with his hands held out, palm-side up.

"Rush 'em!" Sonic shouts as he runs forth at his blue blur speed.

Astral projections of the sirens' true forms fly forth from their pendants. Adagio sings a resonating note, and the yellow dragon-seahorse does the same. Red rings of sound fly forth and collide with the speedy hedgehog. Sonic holds up his arms as he tries to keep running. But ultimately, he gets pushed back flying. He lands face-first against the floor. Seeing their brother in trouble, Manic and Sonia try an advance of their own.

"Ha-yah!" Sonia kicks up a table before throwing the whole thing.

The blue and purple dragon-seahorses join add their voices to the mix. Somewhere in the background, a harsh guitar solo multiplies the darkness of the atmosphere. The flying table falls short of its target. Additionally, the sound waves push all three hedgehogs against the far wall of the diner. Said wall actually crumbles, and the rubble crushes the siblings underneath.

"~Now that you're under our spell~"

Adagio laughs creepily.

---Death Battle---

I guess the 80s magic kind of dwindled down as we got to the late 90s.

The underground rock band had incredible powers and their teamwork has helped them tackle many odds over the months. But none were quite as intimidating as the threat that the sirens held.

Hell, they don't even have Equestrian magic to protect them from the sirens' songs. So if the Dazzlings wanted to, they could have just up and manipulated them right from the start.

And unlike the sirens, Sonic Underground's musical power has limits and needs time to recharge in between large-scale performances. Even Sonic's natural speed could not overcome an enemy that could see him coming.

Sonic Underground just couldn't dig deep enough.

The winning team is the Dazzlings.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Ah ha ha ha ha! AH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Vs.

"Coronation, Starscream? This is bad comedy."

Author's Note

You know, I saw Arrell and Yahshee analyze two big-name wastelanders duking it out. That got me thinking, so I'm going to do something on a similar scale. Granted, it's not going to be the next battle and it probably won't be finished before the year's end. Are you paying attention, Dirty Bit? It will not be the next battle. But I will do my utmost to make this happen.
Hint toward the future:
"Hello, pretty pony! I'm looking for my mom. Have you seen her?"

Vs.

"Designation: Starmare... of the Hizai."

More Than Meets the Nightmare's Eye

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: A giant robot vs. a pony? Yeah, I don't see how this is one-sided. Do you? :trixieshiftleft:

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Toei Animation.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 17

Maybe I'm crazy. Possibly.

Television has taught me two very important things. One, I want my own giant fighting robot. Two, I want dark, shape-shifting powers.

Both define these next two combatants quite well.

From the G1 Transformers, here's Galvatron.

Then, there's Nightmare Moon from the G4 pony villains.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Galvatron
-"New Emperor of Destruction"
-Third leader of the Decepticon faction (after the years of Megatron and the twenty seconds of Starscream)
-Megatron's reincarnation, with a bit of an identity crisis
-Powerful and intelligent
-Main weapon: particle accelerator cannon
-Can transform into a laser cannon or a laser pistol
-Sanity is questionable; will not hesitate to attack his own Decepticons

Galvatron is madness given form, born from the fires of Unicron. He is one of the least merciful leaders of the Decepticon faction of the Transformers.

Least merciful is right! One of his spare time hobbies is beating up fellow Decepticons. Any Autobot he destroys is just a side benefit for him.

But before he became a harbinger of insanity, he was once the young, charismatic Megatron. Some time ago, he got the idea that the Transformers would rule over an empire spanning the entire universe.

But as with any kids' show, the goodie-two-shoes Optimus Prime and the other Autobots would ensure that he'd never get his way.

That's not to say that he didn't try. Megatron tried just about everything to achieve his goals of power and dominance. However, he was less subtle than an average Mardi Gras.

Whether by way of his own fist or his fusion cannon, he always made sure that his actions stood out for all weaker life forms to see. Then, there's that 9mm semi-automatic pistol form, but come on. Why would you want to become a tiny handgun when you can shoot *eff*ing energy blasts?

Megatron's arrogance was easily his greatest downfall. In a final battle with Optimus Prime, he nearly killed the Autobot leader, but not without taking crippling damage himself.

But then Unicron was like, "Hey! I should totally strip away this guy's sanity and use his parts to make a better, more deadly robot!" And so, Galvatron was born! ... Does that mean Unicron is a woman?

*Ahem!* After his reincarnation, Galvatron returned to the Decepticons to reclaim his leadership, ending Starscream's twenty seconds of crowned rule. He still carries the memories of Megatron, but lacks his initial sanity and patience.

And he wasn't that patient to begin with! In this life, Galvatron went so far as to beat up his subordinates after they were pretty much down for the count.

His bouts of blind rage are only made more deadly by his weaponry. He wields a particle accelerator cannon, which can be adjusted to fire particle beams and even electrochemical energy.

As if that weren't bad enough, he can transform into a futuristic laser-cannon or even a freaking battle tank!

Still, it's too soon to say that he's invincible. Unlike Starscream's spark which is indestructible, Galvatron's spark was dependent on Unicron's mercy, something that's in a very limited supply.

But if you are weak against giant robots, stay the *eff* out of Galvatron's way!

"My power is everything; defeat is absurd!"

---Death Battle---

Nightmare Moon
-"Mare in the Moon"
-Princess Luna overtaken by the Nightmare entity
-Powerful in magic, flight, and strength
-Main attacks: lightning and magical beams
-Can transform into a cloud similar to smoke and an unknown number of other creatures and objects
-Basic plate armor and helmet
-Sanity is questionable; will not interrupt monologue by the good guys

One thousand years before the Friendship is Magic series takes place, Princess Luna ruled Equestria peacefully alongside her older sister Celestia. But this peace would not last, due to dark feelings of hatred that would drive Luna into the Nightmare. This entity would latch onto and steal her body away, creating the monster known as Nightmare Moon.

As the first villain of a little girl's show, you'd probably think she'd be nothing special. If we were to only go by her plan after showing up, you'd be right.

But underestimate her at your own peril. Though she may not be the strongest villain, she is still a formidable force. She singlehandedly caused mass destruction in the sisters' original castle and almost killed Celestia.

When your only glaring weakness is the power in six jewels of love and tolerance, I guess it's easy to get overconfident.

Since the Nightmare entity overshadows Luna's body, it borrows and pushes the limits of her alicorn abilities. Her magic is strong enough to blast through solid brick. Her strength is enough to crush solid stone.

And her wings are strong enough to... uh... break solid wind?

Heh heh heh.

Shut up, W!

The fear she instills in little ponies is accentuated by her sharp fangs, draconic irises, and midnight blue armor.

And she can combobulate herself into all shapes and sizes like smoke clouds, thorns, disc blades that can cut mountains, and a trio of Shadow pegasuses.

Pegasi.

Tomato, ricotta.

But as with many creatures who reside in darkness, Nightmare Moon has a questionable level of sanity.

Seriously, what person in their right mind stands around doing nothing while their enemies are in the middle of a monologue?

Considering the Nightmare is naturally attracted to feelings of jealousy, there's no telling for sure if Nightmare Moon is gone for good.

"Remember this day little ponies, for it was your last."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The camera pans across the ruins of an old castle. There is a lot of shaking as a large tank rumbles onto the scene. It comes to a halt as it emits a specific pattern of mechanical sounds. Simultaneously, it changes shape into a much larger, bipedal robot.

"And just what are you supposed to be?" asks a woman's voice off screen.

The picture pans left to see some pony standing at the top of a small, old staircase.

At this sight, the robot scoffs. "Would you like a hint?"

"FIGHT!"

Nightmare Moon flaps her large wings and takes to the air. Galvatron holds up a fist. The mounted weapon on his arm charges up. He takes aim and fires a loud shot. The alicorn takes a dive, narrowly avoiding the beam, and flies forward.

She charges up a beam of her own and fires from her horn. He exclaims at the impact her magic has with his leg. As she comes in close, he slams a fist upon her. He punches the ground around her a couple of times before kicking her into the staircase.

"It's over, you flea-ridden horse!" Galvatron yells as he runs forth.

The ground shakes with each of his steps. Nightmare Moon's eyes flutter open. The Transformer jumps up and launches a punch downward. Just before the mechanical fist hits, the pony's state of matter de-solidifies. A cloud of eerie purple smoke floats around before taking on the form of a trio of dark pegasi.

These pegasi rush around quickly, slamming into Galvatron from multiple directions. However, he seems to be getting more annoyed than hurt. He backhands one coming in for a high pass. He then opens fire with his particle beam on the one coming in from below.

The third one grunts in anger as she recollects her two knocked out pieces. She swirls back into her sentient cloud form, even going so far as to perform a taunt with a flowing limb.

"Is that all you've got?" she asks.

"Not even close!" he retorts.

Galvatron's body parts shift around with several whirs. Within a second, he looks more like an overcompensating cannon. The barrel is aimed directly at that cloud as the laser charges up.

Meanwhile, the dark cloud flattens itself out and starts spinning around horizontally. It quickly approaches the laser cannon. She collides with the metal, and keeps on going through. There is a strange buzz saw noise as the spinning cloud goes through the length of the barrel and through the large base itself.

"Gaaaaaah!" Galvatron screams oily murder as his body explodes.

Robot parts scatter everywhere. Nightmare Moon retakes her solid pony form and stands back upon her throne.

"You must have been kidding, right?" she asked mockingly.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Aw, *eff*! *Gee* *dee* it! Bob Saggot! How could another robot fighter lose to another pony?!

Well, here's why. Yes, Galvatron is a deadly ruler and a master of his arsenal. However, he is also prone to his own bouts of insanity, often being detrimental to his own cause.

But Nightmare Moon can't even dodge blasts from heroes that gave her two minutes of monologue time to get out of the way.

Maybe so, but the Elements of Harmony have a tendency to restore order, not just shoot to kill straight at the enemy like a normal energy weapon. Additionally, it was shown that in the past, Nightmare's insanity actually helped her become more focused on her enemies, not less like Galvatron. Her combined magic and pure strength in the ambiguous cloud form would be more than enough to cut through anything that stood in her way.

*sigh* I guess. Looks like Galvatron is shape-shifting into a dead robot.

The winner is Nightmare Moon.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"It's going to be all right."

Robin brings the thunder!

"Friendship is never easy, but it's always worth fighting for."

Twilight carries the spark!

Author's Note

Any disagreements you can express via comments can often be put to something much more productive, such as your own story in which you can write a more "accurate" battle in which so-and-so wins. I'm just saying.

Ch. 102: Fandom's Internal Conflict

"Light" or "Dark" must be set in "Formatting" to view this chapter.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Four Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without being bogged down by boring analysis.

Eight fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

(Merry Stewed vs. New Beginnings)

---Forte Pianissimo vs. Aurora Borealis---

Hoof steps crunch against the dirt. The camera slowly pans up along the faded blue alicorn. Ragged leather armor covers her torso. A red neckerchief rests just below her small frown. Above her green, slitted eyes lies the broken remains of a horn stump. Her white mane is like a banshee.

Suddenly, she stops trotting, right in the middle of a deserted town. She lets out a curious hum as she sees someone a few feet away. It appears to be somepony else, whose back is currently turned toward her. All that's visible is this second pony's green and purple mane.

"Who are you supposed to be?" asks the first.

The second pony turns around. The camera focuses on a Pipbuck on her left foreleg. The view quickly pans up to her neck, covered by a strange collar of metal. Her own slitted irises look carefully underneath a sharp and fully intact horn.

"It would not be wise to remain here," says the second alicorn. "Please leave."

"Heh." The first pulls out a revolver somehow. "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."

War never changes.

Engage!

Aurora Borealis' horn ignites and a purple, magic shield surrounds her. At the same time, Forte Pianissimo fires four shots from her revolver. The bullets ricochet off the shield and fly away in random directions. Forte holds back a spit and holsters her gun. Her wings open and she takes to the air. Aurora follows after with her own wings.

Suddenly, Forte makes a U-turn and flies straight down. She has a dagger in between her teeth. As she crosses paths with her pursuer, the tip of the dagger slits through Aurora's abdomen. Aurora yelps, but manages to stay airborne.

Meanwhile, Forte slams her hooves against the ground. She pulls out a rifle and aims straight up. She takes three rapid shots. Simultaneously, Aurora's shield is back up. The round of bullets bounce off. Forte has to rapidly sidestep to avoid the bullets. As Aurora begins to descend, her magical aura surrounds the varmint rifle.

"What the-?" asks Forte before her own gun literally whacks her upside the head. She loses her grip on the gun and holds her head due to the pain.

Aurora flutters just above the ground as she takes aim with the rifle. Time seems to slow to a halt as she activates her Pipbuck's Stable-Tec Arcane Targeting Spell (S.A.T.S.). There are a few high pitched clicks before the action confirmation sound beeps. The slowed down perspective makes the shots sound very deep and low.

Five shots later, and Forte is left without a head. The rest of her body falls to the ground in a heap. Aurora's new gun falls to pieces as soon as she lands.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Aurora Borealis.

We can't stop now.

(A Dirty Bit Production vs. The Jojo Madara Proprietorship)

---Cuatro vs. Pony Vergil---

A white pony with a unique bone formation on the side of his head looks contemplatively toward the forest's edge. The camera briefly glances at his bat-like wings, his long and thin tail, and a black number '4' on his side.

Someone else appears in a blue jacket and wielding a sword at his side. He trots closer atop the winter's layer of snow.

"I remember who I was, and it no longer matters," says the first.

"Sorry I was late for the party," comments the second as he adjusts his jacket collar.

It's do or die.

Fight!

"Here I am."

Vergil rushes forth and swings out his blade just as swiftly. Yet, the blade stops just against Cuatro's extended foreleg. Naturally, Vergil is surprised that something can stop his strike. A burning force surrounds Cuatro as his empty green eyes stare directly at his opponent. His other hoof grabs Vergil's face and slams it into the snow.

Cuatro proceeds to drag Vergil along the ground for a few feet. He then kicks the half-demon up into the sky. His batwings open and he swiftly flies up. His long tail whips around and gives Vergil a good slapping.

"Don't get cocky!" yells Vergil as he pulls his sword out again. He swings it back and forth, parrying Cuatro's rapid strikes. The exchange of attacks breaks as Vergil starts spinning forward head-over-hoof with his blade.

Something charges in dark green just above Cuatro's horn. "Cero Oscuras."

The energy is released as a huge, quick beam of black with green highlights. The attack catches Vergil off guard. He gets pushed back and crashes through several trees. Said trees actually evaporate upon receiving Cuatro's attack. Vergil, however, just takes a rough tumble along the ground.

He slowly stands up and holds up a hoof over his face. "Now I'm motivated."

Radiant energy bursts around Vergil as a mask with an unusual pattern covers his face and chest area. He vanishes before appearing just behind Cuatro. Without a word, the 'motivated' pony creates zip lines all over the sky with his sheer speed. These rapid strikes knock Cuatro every which way as small bursts of dark light explode around him.

Vergil appears on the ground. His mask vanishes. He slowly slides his sword back into his sheathe. Meanwhile, several blue lights in the shape of his sword appear in the sky, all aimed at Cuatro.

"Rest in peace," says Vergil uncaringly.

The energy blades all stab through the Espada's body at once. One of which even catches him in the windpipe, rendering him incapable of crying out in pain. He collapses on the ground, unmoving.

"Might is everything." Vergil slowly trots away.

Down!

This round's winner is... Vergil.

Onward to the third!

(Hairy Problem vs. Plymouth Valiant's Fault)

---Lycan Applejack vs. Vampire Cheerilee---

Something faintly squeals in the night at the opposite edge of the forest. The moonlight barely lets the audience see the fangs on the predator as she lifts her head. She takes a few breaths after her kill, which happens to be drained of its internal fluids.

"How much longer must I live like this?" she wonders.

A couple wild clouds move out of the way to reveal the full moon. A wolf's long howl can be heard. Suddenly a large beast appears in the same clearing as the first monster. This one seems to have a unique blend of blonde and orange fur. It growls as it bears all of its sharp fangs.

"Oh, Mother of Luna, I don't have time for this," mutters the first.

The blood of the beast is calling.

Bite!

The lycan barrels forth on her paws, breathing loudly all the way. She tackles the first monster into a beam of the moon's light, revealing the face to be Cheerilee. However, the werewolf takes no notice and starts pawing at her prey.

Cheerilee's eyes briefly glint red as she growls herself. Thinking quickly, she headbutts the lycan right in the kisser. There's a sound akin to a whimpering dog as the werewolf backs up, caressing her jaw. Cheerilee quickly gallops forward. She flips this way and that way, getting in a kick with each advance. Said kicks cause the opponent to flinch each time.

But on the next pass, the werewolf reaches out its big paw and grabs Cheerilee around her back leg. She then proceeds to spin around and around. Finally, she releases the vampire, sending her flying into a large tree branch. There's no way to confirm whether the cracking sound is made from the tree bark, or one of Cheerilee's bones.

Breathing heavily, the lycan charges toward the tree. She digs her claws into the trunk and starts climbing up. Once she gets close enough, she takes a flying leap at the prey.

This time, the vampire's kick collides with the top of the lycan's head. Cheerilee follows up by jumping right on top of the wolf, slamming her into the ground. The red eyes accentuate her pissed off look very well.

"You have just made me very thirsty," she says bluntly, "You're not going to like what I do when I'm thirsty!"

The vampire's fangs dig deep into the other monster's neck. The lycan goes wide-eyed before letting loose a howl in pain.

A few seconds of off screen feeding takes place. As we pan back down, it appears that the second beast's body has shrunk down considerably. In fact, it looks exactly like a pony. After a few breaths to calm herself, Cheerilee gasps at what she sees.

She whispers, "Applejack? Oh my gosh."

K.O.!

This round's winner is... Cheerilee.

Get fired up!

(Flamer Brony vs. Another Pony)

---Axel vs. Firewall---

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait just a minute. Why are you dragging me into this?

What? You're not fighting the other staff members. You're a character from a FiMFic fighting against another character from a FiMFic. Besides, this isn't technically an episode of the real Death Battle.

Ugh, fine. Whatever.

Suddenly, a redhead dashes onto the scene. "Come here! I'll make it all stop."

Strive for that blaze of glory.

Let's go!

"Burn, baby!" Axel exclaims as the floor suddenly takes the form of molten coals and a circle of flames surrounds both combatants. However, Firewall seems less than impressed.

Really, dude? I don't even feel this. As an extra token of mockery, he sets a cigarette down against the coals, lifts it back up, and starts taking a drag.

Axel runs forth and spins his chakrams around. At the same time, he swings them around like a couple of blades. They cut through the unicorn's hide. Firewall ends up losing his tobacco roll in the process.

Okay, I get your point. Geez. His mane looks like it's burning blue. He gallops forth as his whole body surrounds itself with flames. The fire somehow quickens his pace as he barrels into Axel like it's nobody's business.

Shoryuken! A front hoof uppercuts into Axel's chin just as Firewalls flames simmer down.

After stumbling backwards a bit, Axel gets to his feet and breathes heavily. The coals return to being a default floor.

Is that all you got?

"Don't forget this!" exclaims Axel as he starts launching his chakrams, one after the other. Each one collides with Firewall before returning to hand like a boomerang on steroids. The chakrams repeat this pattern for about four more strikes before heating up and cutting straight through their target.

Duwaaaaaa!

Memorized!

This round's winner is... Axel.

And now, for a little bonus.

(Present meets not-to-distant future)

---???? vs. ????---

Huh? Where am I?

The alicorn filly perks up as a door opens. On the other side stands, a rather similar looking pony, but with several more years behind her. Not to mention, this newcomer is covered with some snazzy armor. Her slit irises do not match her surprised expression. They also fail to match her look of admiration soon after as she gallops toward the filly.

"Oh my gosh! I'm adorable!" She hugs the filly and a squeaking noise is played by the sound effects guy.

Is that... really what I'm going to look like in a few years?

Victory pending!

But we're fairly certain that the winner of this round is... Nyx.

Author's Note

So... yeah. I'm still working out some kinks in the Robin vs. Twilight chapter. Meanwhile, have some more senseless violence to entertain yourself.

Lavender Syndrome vs. The Awakening

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: When I think of Robin, I think of Teen Titans. When I think of the Avatar, I think of the cartoon. It took a bit of effort on my part to think of Fire Emblem: Awakening when putting the two names together.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Intelligent Systems.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 18

A battle of purple mages... what's not to love?

Magic is a tool that requires training and balance of the mind. Some of the best turn magic into their greatest weapon.

Twilight Sparkle, the pony that gives a whole new meaning to purple prose.

And Robin, Fire Emblem: Awakening's main hero.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Princess Twilight Sparkle
-AKA "The Princess of Friendship"
-Unicorn-ascended-to-alicorn pony
-Well-read; versatile spellcaster; average flier
-Levitation, illumination, teleportation, conjuration, partial intangibility, slight elemental telekinesis, spell copy, dark magic
-Represents the spirit of Magic itself
-Prone to over thinking certain details
-Has a strict code of organization

"Is there a book about being a princess I should read?"

Recap time! Twilight Sparkle was a bookworm, was forced to make friends, saved the world, and dealt with the crap all over the magical land of ponies. A confusing unfinished spell led her to becoming the equivalent of a pony messiah. After four seasons, she got an overpriced castle in the middle of a village.

Huh. Thank you, B. That was very succinct.

Yep, 'Succinct' is my middle name.

Really? I always thought it was 'Chad'.

*cough* Move on and talk about other stuff.

Oh, right. Twilight represents the Element of Magic and is the crowned Princess of Friendship. As such, she often supports and depends upon her closest friends through the thick and thin of life in Equestria.

While her wings don't always support her body that well, she does have a boatload of spells to match her mental might.

As a pony that can tap into the direct manipulation of magic, Twilight has the power and know-how to levitate several large objects, light up dark places, teleport herself and a few other living creatures over several miles, conjure objects from nearby areas, bend the elements of wind and water, and phase herself and others through solid crystal with partial intangibility.

She also knows how to tap into negative emotions for dark magic spells, mostly for cancelling out the dark magic used by evil and/or possessed ponies. Though, doing so excessively causes her physical pain.

Additionally, Twilight is a quick study when it comes to spells cast by other magic users. Her understanding is so quick that she can actually cast a similar, if not the same spell with just as much precision immediately after she has witnessed it.

This attention to detail is both her greatest strength, and her most adorkable weakness. She'll sometimes show signs of OCD and quickly lose days of sleep over the least important details. It reminds me of the time that W couldn't sleep because he was worrying about that obviously not-possessed Super Saiyan God Goku figure.

Hey! That's not funny. That thing had omniscience.

But I guess her attention to detail isn't all bad. After all, she can organize town-wide efforts to clean up snow and to help a friend with her specific learning style.

There's always something new to learn when Twilight Sparkle is involved.

"I think I found something!"

---Death Battle---

Robin
-AKA "The Avatar"
-Human; Swordfighter; Spellcaster; Tactician
-Weapons: Bronze Sword, Levin Sword
-Spells tomes: Thunder - Thoron; Arcfire - Fire Wall; Elwind, to launch upward; Nosferatu, leeches the opponent's health
-Grandmaster skill: Ignis, adds half magic stat to Strength
-Spells have a set number of uses before needing a recharge
-Occasionally suffers migraines between amnesia and memories

"I dream of being a great tactician. That's why I study whatever I can get my hands on."

The Avatar's past is shrouded in mystery, as is their true gender.

Well, I don't blame you. It's got to be tough keeping track of all those reincarnations every time the old Avatar in the cycle dies.

No, not that Avatar.

Oh! You mean the one that was used by a marine's dimwitted twin brother to stop his own human species from invading an alien world for its resources.

No, no, no! I am talking about this Avatar.

"It's going to be all right." The man flips off his hood. "Time to tip the scales!"

Oh. ... I knew that.

Despite his/her cloudy past, Robin is undoubtedly skilled and has led Chrom's army to win countless battles. They are innovative tacticians, often coming up with new war tactics as they go.

He kind of seems like a rip-off of Marth.

That's not surprising. Robin is very charismatic and can usually pick up on what's bothering other people after just a few important discussions. He can befriend just about anyone within the army and believes that strength comes from the bonds rather than separation.

Oh, great. Now he sounds like a Barney rip-off.

He's not just a moral support, however. In fact, he's more than capable of holding his own on the battlefield. Not only is he a master swordsman, but a versatile spellcaster as well.

His main spell involves shooting electricity, which can be as short and annoying as static, or as large and strong as a Hadouken.

It's actually called "Thoron".

Meh, they're all Magic Missiles to me.

He also has the power of arc fire and wind, which he can use to enhance his already powerful sword swings and even perform his own double-jump.

Then, he's got some form of levitation. Why he wastes it on his equipment for taunting and not on his enemies, I'll never know.

Finally, there's his Nosferatu spell. As its vampiric name implies, it can leech the health away from an enemy while slowly healing himself.

D**n. I guess it would be easier to make a list of what he can't do.

Well, he's not very confident in his cooking skills. He feels that romance is a bit empty, and he wonders whether he truly belongs by Chrom's side. In fact, fate had it planned for him to become the vessel and reincarnation of Grima, the Fell Dragon feared by most of the world.

But no worries. Chrom managed to be a nice guy and assure that Robin would be a bringer of good instead. It's almost like there's something magical in their friendship... Oh... Now I get it.

"There's something between us all, something that keeps us together... like... invisible ties, connecting us."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

We now move to the inside of a large, open coliseum. For whatever reason, the computer simply drags in the icons of our combatants to face each other right in the middle. A hooded man holds a book in one hand and a green sword in the other. Facing him is the other purple protagonist.

"This should be good," comments the Avatar. His held items somehow float in midair before returning to his grasp.

The pony seems a bit miffed, but readies herself anyway.

"FIGHT!"

Robin lively steps forward, swinging his bronze sword as he goes. The three strikes clang against a magic shield that surrounds Twilight. She lowers her barrier and takes to the skies. Robin looks up to keep her in his sight.

Twilight aims her horn down. She fires a beam of magenta magic. Meanwhile, Robin charges some energy just above his tome. It gives off a mix of chirping noises. The sparks shine from a blue to a somewhat reddish color.

"Arc Thunder!"

The young man aims his hand up. His spell is released in an 'X' shape, composed entirely of electricity. This electricity collides with the incoming beam. The energies explode in midair, scattering each other.

Robin hops up and swings his sword underneath himself. A blade of wind is released downward, and Newton's third law of motion sends Robin higher into the sky. Twilight gasps at her opponent suddenly being at her eye level at this elevation.

"Arc Fire!"

He releases a couple small bursts of flame. Twilight's shield goes up and manages to stave off any burn damage. She retorts to his attack and sending quick sparks of her own magic. However, Robin already has a defense ready. With the will of his mind, his sword spins around in front of him and deflects the magic bolts.

By this point, both combatants land on the ground with a loud crunch of the dirt beneath their feet.

"Nosferatu!"

Before Twilight can get her shield back up, she yelps at the sudden hold on her legs. It appears that some dark tendrils are holding her to the ground. They're doing more than just trapping her, though. Her energy is being slowly drained as light sparkles around Robin.

Suddenly, a slightly different shade of black magic erupts from her horn. The tendrils around her legs fade. However, similar tendrils are now grasping around Robin's legs and torso. He flinches at the agonizing pain.

Something in his hand glows from blue... to red... and finally, to yellow. It briefly twinkles out before he aims his hand forward.

"Thoron!"

As quick as light, Robin's strongest electric beam shoots out and collides with the princess. It stops her copy cast of the Nosferatu spell and leaves her vulnerable.

"Here's how it's done!" declares Robin with a twinkle in his eye.

He slides across the screen, and sweeps his blade forth. A few seconds pass before a gush of red spurts from Twilight's side. She lets out a yell before collapsing on the ground.

"Checkmate," says the swordsman.

"Game!"

---Death Battle---

Now that's what I call purple pros!

Both combatants were well-versed in the ways of magic. Each of them had spells that could keep up with and counter each other.

Twilight even had the means to escape the vampiric Nosferatu with her own understanding of dark magic.

However, Robin is more than just a magician. While Twilight had the advantage of aerial combat, Robin is much more skilled in melee combat and his bronze sword could hold strong even while his magic was on cooldown.

Besides that, Robin has faced a ton of different enemies in actual combat settings and could take them down by himself. Twilight may have had to fight a couple of major battles, but never without a friend somewhere close by. The Tirek battle involved borrowing three other alicorns' magic to back her up.

In short, Robin did not trump Twilight in knowledge, but in experience.

Twilight should have had her focus on more than Robin's books.

The winner is Robin.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

What happens when we take two characters that rely heavily on their servants, and force them to combat without help?

If you think we're referring to two princesses... you're only half right.

Author's Note

This was a close call. Given the right conditions, Twilight could win. But there is a big difference between 'could' and 'would'.

Divine Intervention

Please make sure the "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: There may be slight spoilers to Kid Icarus Uprising in this chapter. Just thought I'd give you fair warning.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Project Sora, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 19

From the heavens, they can see through your laurel crown to divine your surroundings.

Whether they use white magic, or rely on divine faith, some entities soar as high as the gods.

You mean they're on drugs?

*sigh* No, B. They just... like to use the colors gold and white a lot.

Oh, okay.

Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria will face...

... Lady Palutena, goddess of Skyworld. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Palutena
-The goddess of Skyworld
-Regularly sends Pit to battle with the forces of nature (Viridi) and the Underworld (Medusa or Hades, depending on the time of year)
-Can grant the power of flight for five-minute durations
-Often converses telepathically through a nonexistent fourth wall
-First fight was forced by an entity of chaos manipulating her like a puppet
-Weapon: Staff
-Skills: Autoreticle, Heavenly Light, Reflect Barrier, Warp, Black Hole Laser
-Attacks have long range, but also long ending lag

"Long ago, when Skyworld fell to darkness, and I was imprisoned in my own temple, it was a lone hero, the angel Pit who came to my rescue and saved the realm."

Hey! Leave some of the storytelling for the rest of us.

Palutena has made it one of Skyworld's goals to protect humanity. This puts her and her army at odds with other deities such as Viridi, Medusa, and Hades.

Hades! Pit! Hades! Pit! Hades... Pit... Hades!

Yes, yes, very funny, B. Anyway, she often leaves most of the grunt work to her personal messenger, Pit. She'll offer guidance and commentary via telepathy.

"That's right."

Wait, what the heck?

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt this very important discussion about me."

I should be used to this kind of thing by now. The cast of Kid Icarus Uprising has been known to regularly demolish the fourth wall. They bring up subjects like other video games titles, other video game enemies, and other video game consoles. Actually, video games seem to be related to almost everything in which they dismiss the fourth wall.

"Huh. When you put it that way, it does seem like that."

You...You think this is a father-mucking video game?

Uh, what are you even referencing right now?

I don't know.

"Sounds like something you'd find on a 'Four-Leaf-Clover' board."

Anyway, Palutena doesn't normally feel the need to join the battle as Pit is quite capable of shooting down hordes of enemies on his own. But then, a chaotic entity captured her and started forcing her armies into an all-out war with the humans for three years.

"It was pretty gross, but I did start to hone my skills to have a better handle on taking down the competition. Aside from smacking enemies around with my staff, I can lock onto a specific point with my Autoreticle, send back projectiles with my Reflect Barrier, dodge hazards entirely with a quick Warp, and dish out the pain with my pillars of Heavenly Light."

And when she's ready to end the fight, she pulls out a *eff*ing black hole out of her **s and then shoots out a huge laser from it. How the hell does that work?

While she does have all of this power at her disposal, she's not perfect on the battlefield. Though many of her attacks have long range, she also leaves herself wide open if she misses. Plus, she has a very difficult time taking the pain, even from her personal assistant Pit.

"Still, the odds don't look good for my competition."

---Death Battle---

Princess Celestia
-Species: Alicorn
-Has the magic necessary to raise the sun and moon by herself
-Princess of Equestria alongside Luna
-Has found favor in Twilight Sparkle
-Appreciates a lighthearted prank as much as the next pony
-Other magic: Levitation, teleportation, magic barriers, magic beams, some dark magic
-Strong enough to bend a second-story porch
-Can fly swiftly and gracefully
-Her most impressive feats were over a thousand years ago; her recent dealings with large-scale crises were less than impressive

"You are a wonderful student. I don't have to get a letter every week to know that."

Some of the citizens of Equestria have come to believe that Celestia holds their fate in her hooves. Her presence is stunning, perhaps, but she's hardly the end-all, be-all of ultimate judgement.

She's more like the troll of all trolls.

No, no, stop it right there! There is nothing about her that is remotely close to the damage that trolls cause. A troll intentionally feeds provocative messages to their victims, fully intending to take pleasure in all of the negative feedback and emotional reactions. Taking part in lighthearted pranks for the sake of lightening the mood is an entirely different thing.

Okay, geez. Take a joke, W.

Jokes are supposed to be funny.

... Ouch.

*ahem* Celestia is an alicorn pony, carrying immense strength, the power of flight, and the power of magic. In addition to a unicorn's natural levitation, she has a personal connection to the sun, raising it and lowering it at the start and end of the day respectively.

She can also teleport, put up magic force fields, shoot magic beams, and oversee the ascensions of power in others.

Though, a millennium seems to have caused some of her great power to grow rusty. A thousand years ago, she took part in the banishment of Tirek, the sealing of Sombra, turning Discord to stone, and most notably banishing Nightmare Moon 'permanently' into the moon itself.

Yeah, a lot of years of peace means you can't exercise the old Gandalf level of magic very often. Recently, she was kidnapped by Nightmare Moon, robbed of her sun by Discord, captured by Chrysalis, and sent to Pony Hell by Tirek.

It's not Pony Hell. It's called 'Tartarus'.

Yeah, whatever. Point is, the writers nerfed her and made Twilight do her bidding.

Still, she isn't completely helpless. When it gets right down to it, she can still command authority and respect from her subjects. Her fail-safe spell is even stronger than Twilight's. She can even utilize dark magic without expressing the same pain when Twilight uses it. Plus, Celestia was able to raise the sun and moon for one thousand years by herself. Teams of unicorns had to work together just to pull off that kind of celestial magic.

You know you're doing something right when you've lived over centuries and still don't look a day older than forty.

"I hope you know that I will always be here if you need me."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

This arena appears to be floating above the clouds. The sun shines brightly on all of the different sectors. There are floating elevator stones, cloud platforms, sturdy pillars, and even a hot spring. Our combatants are unceremoniously plopped onto the large hot spring. The first combatant runs her fingers through her hair to brush the water droplets out. The other combatant shakes the liquid off before her mane floats on some unseen wind.

"I may not have data on you, but that doesn't mean I'll hold back against you," says the bipedal woman as she conjures a blue staff from a spectacle of light.

"You wish to attack me then?" asks the pony, stomping her hoof (and causing a small splash) in defiance. "Fine, but you won't set a foot against my subjects. I promise you that."

"FIGHT!"

Palutena playfully spins her staff in front of herself. Celestia backs away with one flap of her wings. The staff floats back into Palutena's possession. She holds it high as a strange green target points forth from it.

"Come!" calls Palutena as her Autoreticle shoots out bursts of light.

A slightly different flash of light shines and Celestia vanishes. The bursts hit nothing but air. In a second flash, Celestia appears and stands atop a cloud platform. Palutena adjusts her Autoreticle and fires again. Celestia teleports to another cloud, yet the bursts only shoot where she was and not where she's going. This pattern of shooting and dodging continues.

After a while, Celestia teleports right behind Palutena and delivers a buck to her back. The princess turns around and launches forth a golden ray from her horn. Palutena picks herself up and lifts her staff at a slightly different angle.

"Reflect!" the goddess shouts as a rectangle of warped light floats in front of her.

The beam bounces off the Reflect Barrier, coming straight back. Celestia's horn glows, and a similarly colored sphere surrounds her. The magic beam bounces and flies forward. It seems to pinball between the two barriers for a while.

"Warp!"

Palutena vanishes and reappears behind Celestia. She lifts her staff high. Suddenly, a burst of white light erupts under Celestia's position and slams into her. The princess' barrier fades due to the interrupted magic. Giant wings sprout out of Palutena's back and clap around her opponent, sending the pony for a flip.

The goddess warps ahead and leans down. She spins her staff above her head. The incoming Celestia feels a few painful impacts.

"Say goodbye!" Palutena grabs hold of her staff again. "Black Hole Laser!"

An eerie orb grows in the middle of the arena, pulling in some of the platforms and Celestia. Despite the intense gravity she's under, she shakes her head and focuses within her horn. Just as Palutena unleashes a giant laser beam, Celestia vanishes. The princess appears on the bottommost flat area and puts up her barrier again. From here, her barrier barely gets grazed by the laser's outermost reach.

While Palutena catches her breath, Celestia fires a magical beam of her own. It's not quite as large as the Black Hole Laser, but it's strong enough to send the goddess soaring. Palutena's face impacts with the camera before she slides off the screen entirely.

"K.O.!"

Celestia takes a soft breath before lowering the sun for the evening.

---Death Battle---

Holy crap! That was intense!

It certainly was. While Palutena does hold the role of a goddess, she is just a prone to the same dangers as the rest of her angels and other living beings.

She's got a lot of funky powers. But quantity doesn't always guarantee that you'll use the right move at the right time.

While Celestia has a longer list of defeats, those captors were no slouches when it came to power and might themselves. Besides, Celestia actually had to face most of her fights directly early on during her reign. Palutena didn't really start joining Heaven's battles until much later in her career, so she's still trying to get used to her own limitations.

You'd think someone with the power to break the fourth wall would have the bright idea to pull objects out of the magic satchel, not ask their angelic secretary for a coffee.

Since Celestia isn't from a video game (aside from a mobile game in which the player can make her a pastry chef), Palutena had no relevant data to work with. Thus, she was fighting blind.

Celestia really rose to the occasion.

The winner is Princess Celestia.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

You have no idea how tempting it was for me to turn this into a "FRIENDSHIP" chapter.
...
On second thought, that gives me a great idea for the next time I decide to write another reel of outtakes.

Chaos Theory: Revisited

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: All right, no more fooling around. This time, I'll account the results to research and not some hidden vendetta to destroy Discord over and over again.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 20

Entropy is naturally increasing in the universe, at least according to thermodynamics.

What does ultimate power look like? Is it the power to destroy? The power to protect?

Or is it being able to get away with d*cking around with allies and enemies like Discord?

Or perhaps it's walking the path of an anti-hero like Shadow: The Ultimate Life Form.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Discord
-Species: ????
-Allegedly a draconequus, a manipulator of chaos
-Voice and personality of John de Lancie
-Don't bother asking how anything he does makes sense. It just doesn't.
-Caused suffering in ponies for an unprecedented amount of time before Celestia and Luna sealed him in stone
-Was released twice after one thousand (or more) years
-Current friend list: Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle(?)
~A limerick lyricist

"So intense, so sure of yourselves. Ha ha ha! Hilarious!"

Here's a miscombobulated creature that needs no introduction, but we're giving him one anyway.

Over a thousand years ago, Discord caused suffering for all of the ponies of Equestria. In response, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna took on the desperate task of finding the Tree of Harmony and taking the six Elements of Harmony for their personal use. Unbeknownst to them, however, he had already planned on sending Plunderseeds to attack the Tree of Harmony once those key Elements were removed.

Fortunately, whoever was in charge of fertilizing all those years ago made the tree's magic so strong that his destruction plan was postponed until several months after he had given up conquest of the pony land. Somehow, the timid and kind pegasus was the one to set him on the path to good and not evil. That is one overpowered stare.

Actually, it wasn't the stare that convinced him to mostly abandon the dark side. It was the slow build-up of an actual friendship and Fluttershy's threat of deserting that friendship with him that convinced him to give light a try.

Oh, please. That would never work in real life. I mean, you've ended our friendship seven times and I'm still here being more awesome than you.

It was twelve times, and you're an idiot.

Yeah, I hate you too, mecha-heart.

Anyway, the rest of the ponies that interact with Discord are much more reluctant to trust him... and with good reason. On a whim, his powers can make just about anything happen, even when it's unintentional. He can turn clouds into cotton candy, give apples and animals a steroid treatment, turn ponies from good to evil with just a touch, and change the colors of the background to nonsensical patterns.

And that's not counting his power to teleport, fly, put the sun and moon on autopilot, bring inanimate objects to life, conjure objects out of thin air, magically clone himself, mix and match body parts, and making his own clothes from nothing but the magic satchel.

However, Discord is not invincible. He can be manipulated and even lost his powers to the magic-stealing Tirek. In other words, he's just as mortal as any other pony.

Well, good luck finding a way to kill him. I think he's learned well-enough to not trust the lack of honor between thieves.

"I commend you on your escape."

"I'm afraid the feeling isn't mutual." *snap*

---Death Battle---

Shadow
-Species: Anthro Hedgehog
-Created by Dr. Gerald Robotnik and Black Doom 50(?) years ago
-Currently voiced by Saix... I mean Kirk Thornton
-An embodiment of the Chaos Force
-Chaos powers: Chaos Control, Chaos Spear, Chaos Blast, some form of an energy beam
-Able to handle a number of motorized vehicles and firearms
-Stole one of Tails' Medi-bots
-The seven Chaos Emeralds grant him access to Super Shadow

"You have no idea who you're up against."

Shadow the Hedgehog is a deadly, artificial lifeform.

Holy crap! What happened to his arms? What kind of injuries require all that gauze?

I'm pretty sure that's training tape, B. It's kind of like what the ninjas use in the Naruto universe to keep the blood pumping through their muscles. Does that answer your question?

No!

Good, because we're moving on. Between Black Doom's DNA and Dr. Gerald Robotnik's genius, Shadow was eventually given life. Initially meant to provide cells to cure the deathly ill, Shadow quickly forgot about this primary purpose when his childhood friend Maria was fatally wounded.

She did what all girls do on their deathbed. Hurl their best friend in a capsule through outer space all the way the Earth. The magic of friendship always makes sense!

Your sarcasm is noted. Shadow has a rather unusual skillset for an anthropomorphic hedgehog. Somehow, he learned how to operate and drive all manner of motorized vehicles from motorcycles, to walkers, and even jeeps. Additionally, he can wield alien and military weaponry with little recoil. But his most devastating power comes from within.

Though he didn't collect quite as many power rings as Sonic, Shadow is just as much an embodiment of Chaos, if not more. With this Chaos Force, he can fire a number of different energy attacks like spears and beams. His most destructive attack is the red Chaos Blast, which causes a huge explosion of murder and obliteration.

He can also bend time and space using Chaos Control which can allow him to either slow down his surroundings, or teleport from one location to another. However, utilizing this power to its fullest requires time and concentration.

Other equipment on Shadow's person include his rocket shoes which can let him fly and a Medi-bot he stole from Tails the fox for its slow healing ability.

He also wears two inhibitor rings which limit his Chaos power and help him maintain control. Should he remove them, his power grows immeasurably. However, he'll use up stamina quickly and tire out much faster.

When he gets all seven of the Chaos Emeralds, he can access a one thousand percent increase in his power in the form of Super Shadow. Sure, it only lasts a few minutes without constantly replenishing himself with rings, but that's plenty of time to dish out the pain.

Even without his super form, he can still reach speeds that equal and surpass those of Sonic. Shadow might just be the Ultimate Life Form.

"I'm going to show you just how weak you are."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle... Revisited!

---Death Battle---

The first combatant skates onto the scene with a boost from his shoes. He slides to a halt in the middle of a field. A rather strange creature stands with its back turned to him.

"And just who or what are you?" asks the three-foot-three combatant.

The creature chuckles. "How many times have I heard that particular question? Oh, I know! Seventy-five thousand, billion, trillion times! Not that anyone's counting." It turns its yellow eyes with red pupils around. "You'll just be Seventy-five thousand, billion, trillion and one."

"Your overconfidence will be your weakness," comments the hedgehog.

"And your faith in your friends is yours," says the draconequus.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm the only fighter here."

"I know, I just couldn't resist the Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged reference of a Star Wars reference."

The hedgehog scoffs.

"FIGHT!"

Discord holds up his paw. With a flick of his wrist, giant playing cards pop in out of nowhere. They seem to slide into the ground itself. Shadow looks down in confusion, until the cards immediately ascend in the order that they were thrown in. The one Shadow is standing on top of is taking him for a lift. But the hedgehog is quick to react and starts hopping down the cards like a series of platforms.

Shadow curls up and quickly spins in midair. His homing attack brings him in close to Discord's head. Upon impact, the hedgehog proceeds to let loose a combination of quick kicks and punches. Recoiling, Discord reaches up and snaps his head back into a straighter position.

"Why so serious, hedgehog?" The draconequus snaps his claws twice.

The ground changes from a grassy field to a checkered quilt pattern. But there's barely any time to admire it as the sun suddenly turns off. A road rolls out like a rug and smacks Shadow backward. It straightens itself out just in time for him to land on top of it. He grunts as he tries to stand. He slips back down on top of the soapy blue surface.

Discord is laughing fiercely right at the moment the sun turns back on. Shadow spits to the side before his rocket shoes lift him off the ground. As he hovers, he pulls out a scoped rifle and pulls the trigger. Discord, however, vanishes in a flash of white light. He reappears a few feet away. Shadow aims and fires his gun again, but Discord teleports once more.

"Missed me! Woo-hoo-hoo!" Discord taunts as this round of missed shots continues for several more teleports.

He teleports right behind Shadow and taps the hedgehog on the head. Shadow's eyes open wide as he suddenly drops his rifle. Discord chuckles maliciously. He did it! He corrupted his opponent and w-

Why does it feel like a sword is stabbing through his chest? Confused, Discord looks down... just as a hedgehog in medieval armor kicks him and pulls the sword out with a gush of blood.

"Foul beast of the Underworld!" shouts the hedgehog with a gruffer voice. "Today thou shalt be smited and sent back to whence ye came, so sayeth Sir Lancelot: Knight of the Round Table!"

...

Discord blinks twice. "Thornton's corrupted voice is Griffith? That makes way too much sense."

The self-proclaimed Lancelot quickly rushes forth and slashes with a powerful advance. It's all Discord can do to summon fragile wooden targets that are reduced to splinters with each strike.

"You're less intimidating as yourself," states Discord, as he chances in a claw snap.

The corrupted layer peels away, allowing Shadow to shake his head from the addled thoughts. He looks up and clenches his fingers into fists. How dare that abomination of animal parts do something like make him feel the needs of honor and protection of innocent villagers? His emotion seems to burn around him as seven different-colored gems start floating around him in a circle.

"Enough of this!" exclaims Shadow in fury. His quills shines in a slightly off-white color as energy surges around his body.

Discord hums as he scrutinizes Shadow's new colors. "Pretty sure Dragon Ball already did something like that."

His smart mouth earns him a lightspeed kick to the face. He flips over backward and snaps again. The entire background changes to the middle of outer space. He then claps his two front limbs together. Although science says that they are much bigger, the stars come in at quite small sizes, but at very quick speeds. They pepper against Super Shadow in the likeness of a Swift attack.

However, the hedgehog doesn't seem all that bothered. "Chaos... Control!"

Everything around him gets caught in a photo-negative effect and slows to a standstill. He warps over and kicks Discord against the entire draconequus' body. The hedgehog makes a few snaps of his own, impaling his enemy with several yellow spears of Chaos.

"Your weakness disgusts me." Shadow flings off the rings on his wrists as a red aura surrounds him. "Chaos... Blast!"

A huge explosion erupts and blasts all of the little stars around him. Discord gets caught in the blast, his various limbs separating into space dust.

...

As the energy clears, the audience can see Super Shadow gliding around and re-equipping his Inhibitor Rings.

"Chaos Control!" Shadow teleports back to the grassy earth just as his super aura fades.

He huffs and closes his eyes. "Fine, I'll admit I broke a sweat."

"K.O.!"

A little medi-bot hovers above him as a green surge of healing energy surrounds him.

---Death Battle---

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I thought this battle wasn't going to be based on personal bias.

It isn't. The simple fact is that in a brawl to the death, Shadow would win more often than Discord.

But how the hell does the Master of Chaos lose to somebody using his very power's namesake?

Ah, but that's where you're mistaken. See, what Discord actually has power over is chaos with a lower-cased "c". With it, he can bend, alter, create, and destroy as he pleases in whatever nonsensical fashion he desires. On the other hand, creatures from Mobius like Sonic and Shadow can tap into capital "C" Chaos. Basically, it's the Force for their universe, keeping balance between the energies of all life. Discord has no power over Mobius' Chaos. Therefore, he could not properly counter Shadow's Chaos powers.

Behold the power of proper grammar and spelling.

Besides, Discord is a master of manipulation. He takes time to plan his efforts, turn teams against themselves, and can even strip away physical body parts. However, his patience and sense of being god-like in power often causes everyone's favorite draconequus to underestimate the powers that oppose and/or join him. He did not properly account for the magic that would be left in the Tree of Harmony after the Elements were taken from it. He didn't think Twilight and his friends could break free from his corruption, nor did he account for Twilight's own strength rising when surrounded by her friends. Plus, he was helpless to stop Tirek from taking away his power in spite of his supposed ability to make anything happen.

Yeah, Shadow isn't exactly the patient type, and most of his powers are specifically designed to murder people. In contrast, Discord doesn't outright kill his enemies. He takes his time toying with them, figuring that they'll either be his eternal play toys, or counting on them destroying themselves to end their suffering.

Shadow, however, has little to lose and makes every fraction of a second count. He leaves his time for brooding when he's off the battlefield.

Discord just couldn't Chaos Control the fight.

The winner is Shadow the Hedgehog.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

A do-over of an earlier Death Battle experience?
Everybody gets one.
Next time on Death Battle, but in a chapter that shall appear before this one...
"I'm not here to save you, Pit."
Palutena alights!
"No, you won't."
Celestia shines down!

Ch. 106: Moon Knight

The Formatting can be set to "Dark" or "Light".

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Five Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without slogging through the boring analysis.

Ten fighters

All action

No research

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... GO!

(Mare vs. No Mare Plus a K)

---Nightmare Moon vs. Moon Knight---

Lightning flashes across a dark castle setting. However, this bad weather does not deter the incoming helicopter. It also fails to deter its lone passenger who is currently hanging from the drop ladder. The white hood makes it difficult to determine the figure's identity. Whoever it is, they hop down and observe the castle at face value.

They step lively up to the front of the castle and open the door. Some white eyes glow in the darkness. An outline of something equine with wings can be seen. She chuckles as the lightning flashes. The white hooded figure also chuckles with the voice of a guy.

This oughta be a night to remember.

Begin!

Moon Knight pulls out a pair of bolas. He twirls the chords around before shooting them forth. The bolas whip around, snagging all four of the dark pony's hooves together. The heavy balls even cling upon completing their task.

"Oh?" asks Nightmare Moon mockingly. She phases into a gaseous state of matter. She freely flows out, leaving her would-be bindings to fall to the floor.

The man pulls something else out and tosses it. As Nightmare Moon resumes her solid form in the air, that little object Moon Knight tossed explodes on contact. She flinches just long enough for Knight to run forth and dropkick her. He then follows up with a round of quick jabs and an elbow slam. The pony crashes into the floor.

Nightmare, however, is not finished yet. She quickly stands back up. Her mane swirls as lightning from above flashes. Since Knight is currently the highest object in the room, he gets the worst of the jolt. She follows this lightning strike with a blue burst from her horn. Knight goes for a one-way trip to the far wall.

He isn't done yet, either. With a flick of his wrist, Moon Knight pulls out a grappling hook that digs into Nightmare Moon's chest. She lets out a yelp, before the resulting reaction forces pull the two combatants toward each other. He throws in a couple more powerful kicks to his move. He hooks a small device against her chest plate before backflipping himself away.

There is a loud explosion that blows out a few of the windows. As the smoke clears, Moon Knight turns and walks toward the exit. But a streaming, purple cloud flows out from the rubble. It whips out and grabs the man. He lets out a short, deep scream as the cloud sinks under his white costume straight through his skin.

Where his eyes should be, two slit orbs shine. Over the chuckling of a mad woman, he begins to throw punches against... himself! He then pulls out several grenades and pulls the pins on all of them. That is before he drops them all at his feet. The purple cloud from before seeps out and whisks away. His real eyes widen upon waking up.

Whatever he says is overtaken by the giant blast. The resulting explosion displaces the earlier rubble. A bruised Princess Luna stands up panting. The purple cloud races toward her. Her eyes widen. She yells, just as the dark entity surrounds her and reclaims its original host.

After a few seconds, Nightmare Moon stands again and cackles to the high heavens.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Nightmare Moon!

(The Dragons)

---Adult Green Dragon vs. Charizard---

The relatively small dragon flies through the sky. Its flame burns brightly on its tail. It decides to take refuge in a large cave opening. It flies in for a landing before lumbering forth on its large feet.

"What are you doing in my cave?" asks a deep voice.

Holding its tail to the side for better lighting, the small orange dragon sees a much larger-scaled dragon. However, it is not deterred by the intimidating voice. In fact, it roars in defiance, practically demanding a fight with this stronger foe. But, there's a slight... problem in communication.

"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?" requests the green dragon.

The smaller dragon repeats its defiant roar.

"I don't understand. What do you mean 'Zard Char'?" He shakes his head. "Wait, what am I doing?" He slams his tail against the cave floor, causing the whole place to shake. "This is my cave, and you will leave."

Still, the smaller dragon refuses to leave. It roars a slightly different pitch.

"Fine, go ahead and speak that gibberish," says the big dragon uncaringly. "I'll crush you for not taking my warning seriously."

Hearts are burning bright.

Kill each other!

Huge spikes grow out of the green dragon's tail as he whips it around. The smaller and quicker Charizard flies around and easily dodges the swinging tail. Charizard uses Flamethrower. The green dragon manages to ward it off with his own flame breath.

Retractable claws shoot out of the green dragon's fingers. He attempts to slash the small enemy. The little guy isn't so quick to oblige. Charizard surrounds his own claws with a mysterious aura, and slashes back with Shadow Claw. The green dragon growls at the minor discomfort in his claws and wrists.

Charizard directs his Flamethrower at a section of the big guy's neck. The scales almost look like they're melting as the green dragon roars at the much larger discomfort. In his pained rage, he swings his claws and his tail at the area, only to swat his new burn and make it hurt even more.

Charizard flies in and uses Flame Burst on the green dragon's tail. The feral spikes sort of melt and shatter. With the threat of impalement reduced, the Pokemon grabs a hold of his opponent's tail. Surprising both the big dragon and some of the audience members, Charizard lifts him up entirely and swings him around and around. With one more loop around, Charizard releases the opponent for a Seismic Toss.

The green dragon takes critical damage upon landing. His dead eyes are locked in a single direction. Charizard roars and releases a flash of fire upward.

K.O.!

This round's winner is... Charizard!

(Flight of the Cowards)

---Fluttershy vs. Luigi---

Fluttershy sings as she tends to the needs of her animals. Suddenly, a large, green pipe appears in her path. Out pops a tall, skinny man with overalls. She let's out an yelp at the sight.

Mama Mia. Mama Mia.

Let's-a go!

Luigi shuffles around his pockets a bit. He pulls out a mug and a giant coffee pot. He pours some of the steaming, dark liquid into the cup. He holds it out with a questioning hum.

"Oh... um... thank you," mutters Fluttershy, accepting the offered beverage.

Luigi pulls out another mug from the confines of his pockets, to pour some coffee for himself. Then, he stuffs the coffee pot back into whatever black hole dimension his pockets seem to lead to. He then sits down with his legs facing to the side. He gently blows across the top of his mug before taking a sip. He sighs contently.

Um... toasty?

This round is a "friendship"... apparently. Let's move on, shall we?

(Best Offense is a Good Defense)

---Shining Armor vs. Captain America---

"Where am I now?" wonders the white unicorn.

Loud footsteps approach and reveal the red, white, and blue costumed man. "Let's settle this!"

"Not this again..." mutters the stallion.

May the best Captain win!

Engage!

Captain America hurls his shield forth. Shining Armor puts up his own magic shield. The Vibranium shield bounces off, but the Cap is quick to run over and jump to catch it. Shining tries to blast his airborne opponent with a beam of magic, but it bounces off the shield to who knows where. (Well, actually, the reflected beam somehow catches Discord's neck on fire. But, that's not important right now.)

The prince pulls out a spear from his side just as the Cap comes down for a landing. Using his levitation spell, he spins the spear around and tries to stab the enemy at various places. However, the Cap sees fast enough to move his shield to intercept each and every attack.

Captain America proceeds to get in close and deliver some forceful finger jabs. Shining Armor groans with each of these concentrated points of pain. The Cap throws in a swift bashing from his shield. The impact sends the stallion flying.

"Hyper!" shouts the Cap as he throws his shield again.

With a strain through his horn, Shining Armor grunts as he concentrates a large amount of levitation into his incoming target. The spell is enough to derail it from a decapitating path. Shining lands and slides backwards. The Cap runs forward with his eyes on his shield. However, the prince has a slightly different target in his sights as he magically grips his spear once more.

One second, Captain America has his arms reaching out for his falling shield. The next, he has a new piercing job through front and back of his head. He collapses on his side. The shield spins around on the stone wall like a coin on a table.

"Why do I keep getting pitted against these people?" wonders Shining Armor.

Match over!

This round's winner is... Shining Armor!

(Punch First, Ask Questions Later)

---Rainbow Dash vs. Raphael---

We pan over the Z's of a sleeping pony. The aptly named pegasus snores as her cloud slowly floats across a city environment. Meanwhile on the ground, the view zooms in on a manhole cover. A green limb bashes it upwards.

The metal disc flies up and smacks the cloud and its passenger. The impact startles her awake. She shakes around wildly, trying to gauge her surroundings. She then looks down with a rather frustrated expression. Back on the ground, a turtle with a red eye mask pops out and lands on his feet.

"Stupid Mikey," he mutters as he taps his foot. "I bet he got dropped on his head a lot before the ooze got to him."

"Hey!" calls the pegasus as she flies down low. "What's the big idea, you overgrown tortoise?"

"The shell is your problem?" spits the turtle as he pulls out two sai. "You want to start something?"

"Are you playing dumb?" asks the pony, "Or is that just how you always are?"

"Okay, that's it! I'm going to tan your hide, you flying blue horse!"

Triumph or die!

Fight!

Raphael jumps up. He performs a front flip right into a full jab. He sends his opponent right into the street. After coming down for a smooth land, he proceeds to jab his daggers into the pony. Naturally, she flinches at the stab wounds.

Rainbow Dash doesn't take to this standing down. She bucks a bit before throwing an uppercut to his chin. Then, she quickly flies around in circles, pulling together the winds necessary for a tornado. The ninja turtle hollers as he gets pulled into the funnel and spun around.

Eventually, he gets flung away completely. But, his quick feet land flat against a nearby building's wall before he springs off. He flips through the air a couple of times before colliding with the pegasus. She zips around for several collisions while zooming by him. He tries reaching out his sai against some of her later passes, but his attempts aren't connecting.

Her last pass collides with Raph's abdomen. He coughs up some spit upon the impact. Rainbow flies him off screen for a the blue exploding light of the Buccaneer Blaze. She flies back on screen, picks up the manhole cover, and spins it on top of her hoof.

"Who wants turtle soup?" she asks with a smirk.

Dominated!

This round's winner is... Rainbow Dash!

Author's Note

Warning: Do not bring impressionable children into the same room in which you may be reading this. Viewer discretion is advised.

Ch. 107: Capes and Dollhouses

Formatting can be set to "Dark" or "Light" for this.
All properties belong to their respective owners.

(See primary description for new spoiler alert as of March 2015.)

Five Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without a boring analysis.

Ten fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

(Capes and Hats)

---Cybersix vs. Mare-Do-Well---

The full moon shines upon a clock tower. Its shadow cloaks the presence of two dark figures on a nearby rooftop. One looks like it's standing with a cape flapping behind. The other purrs slightly while looking around with golden eyes.

"What say we do one more sweep of the city before calling it a night?" asks the caped figure.

The crouching figure growls before pouncing toward the next rooftop. The first jumps along swiftly after it. Enough time in the moonlight reveals to the audience that they are a woman wearing a dark hat and cape, and a black panther. But the distance that they are covering in a few leaps is ridiculously far.

Suddenly, the panther stops. It growls at a nearby, rooftop window. The woman leans down next to it.

"Why is this open?" she quietly wonders. She stands up and cracks her knuckles. "Cover me."

She leaps straight down through the open window. The panther looks around a couple times before hopping through the same entrance. The natural, lesser light shows the duo crouched in the middle of this warehouse. Suddenly, five lights shine flash on, one after the other. They reveal caped figures of the purple and quadruped variety.

"An ambush!" exclaims the woman.

Enemy Advantage!

Showtime!

One of the Mare-Do-Wells jumps forth from her vantage. Data7 the panther lets out a roar as he pounces to match the enemy's position. They get into a tussle and barrel into a few of the empty crates.

Meanwhile, two other Mare-Do-Wells trot around in a circle as they eye Cybersix. She glances around between them. Her arms are held up in a default guard position. One of the ponies gallops forth and swings a front leg around. Cybersix quickly grabs said leg and flips that Mare-Do-Well into a chokehold. The other Mare-Do-Well gallops in as Cybersix jumps up. A powerful buck from the free pony is met with a flurry of high-heel kicks. The biped finishes her move by throwing the pony in her grasp right into the other pony's back. Both Mare-Do-Wells let out a yelp as they are sent flying into a wall.

The first Mare-Do-Well is throwing her hooves every which way she can. The dark panther is getting punched and kicked from so many angles. But finally, he's had enough. Data7 bares his retractable claws and lashes away at his attacker. Several scratches are made visible in Mare-Do-Well's costume as she gets pushed back. Finally, Data7 bites hard against the pony's head and twists her neck until it cracks. She doesn't throw any more punches from her position on the floor.

Out of nowhere, a fourth Mare-Do-Well zooms in and collides with the panther. The camera takes great care to zoom in on her costumed wings. She slams him against a metal support beam. The cat yelps in pain before trying to slash its new foe. However, Mare-Do-Well flies just out of reach.

Distracted by his flying prey, Data7 is in just the right position for a fifth Mare-Do-Well to quietly sneak up on his blind spot. Her hat floats off as magenta magic flows from her horn. A similar aura surrounds the panther as it lifts him up. He scrambles his limbs, trying to free himself from the unnatural levitation. But, it isn't doing anything except spinning him around.

Cybersix gasps as she notices the newest pony. She runs toward her as fast as she can. But three cracks in some vital points stop the panther from growling and struggling. In fact, his open eyes can't seem to see much of anything by this point.

"Data7, no!" Cybersix cries out.

The unicorn Mare-Do-Well turns her sights and her magic on the remaining opponent. But the standing woman has a different plan. Cybersix quickly grabs one of the wings of the pegasus Mare-Do-Well and yanks her down. The magic bolt ends up striking that Mare-Do-Well and she ends up flying into the metal bar, conking her head before sliding to the floor.

The remaining Mare-Do-Well is distraught at having attacked her friend, even if unintentionally. Cybersix takes advantage of this emotional distraction by quickly running over. She delivers a flurry of fist punches likes she's never punched before. The unicorn takes the full punishment.

After a few seconds, Cybersix grabs Mare-Do-Well by the collar. In a fit of frustration, she dropkicks the pony straight through the warehouse's wall and into the starry sky.

Astral Finish!

This round's winner is... Cybersix.

(More Equal Than Others)

---Isabella "Ivy" Valentine vs. Starlight Glimmer---

A pinkish, purplish unicorn sits on a generic villain throne. She looks bored out of her mind. She's already got an entire village that shares in her equal cutie mark-ness. Now if her network would just get off their butts and release her spotlight already, everything would be perfect.

"Waaaaah!"

Her eyes open wide. One of the stallions in her village suddenly goes flying past her head. She doesn't get a good look at him, but she's pretty sure a non-pegasus pony isn't supposed to be able to fly like that. A few of her "guards" also fly in before collapsing on the floor.

"Sloppy," comments a new woman's voice, "Very sloppy."

The newcomer appears to be something that walks on twos, carries an abnormally overpowered sword, and shows her age not in her face, but in her breasts. The sight disgusts the villain pony enough to stand up and huff. She'll show anypony and anything that no one is more equal than her.

"You'll make a fine addition to the equation," says the pony out loud.

"What? Shall I whip you as well, little horse?" asks the woman rhetorically.

The wheel of fate is turning.

Strike!

Starlight Glimmer shoots forth a few magic bolts that look they're composed of mathematical symbols. Ivy Valentine twirls around and avoids each of the incoming projectiles.

"Behave!" she shouts.

A flick of Ivy's wrist alters her sword into a huge whip-like snake sword. It extends forth and smacks Starlight upside the head. It wraps around her neck and pulls her in close.

"Does it hurt?" asks Ivy mockingly as her weapon chokes the air out of the pony's throat.

Starlight's eyes and horn flash blue for a second. Suddenly, two magical walls close in on either side of the combatants. It can't be... but it is! It's the powerful Absolute Value Spell! The walls quickly close the gap between themselves and... squish both of the combatants into a gooey paste.

...

Well, I'm sure the animators can draw a new Starlight Glimmer for the Season 5 premiere. ... Right?

Twin Fatality!

This round is... a double kill.

(Sure You Can)

---Ryu vs. Applejack---

"I'm not going to hold back," says the wandering fighter while adjusting his headband.

"I ain't budging. You move," demands the pony while wiping a hoof against her hat.

Round 3!

Fight!

Ryu curves his hands forth. "Hadouken!"

Applejack jumps over the energy ball and gallops forth. A few low tail sweeps are matched with Ryu's low kicks. Ryu tries his High-Level Leg Blade Kick, but it only creates a loud bang in collision with Applejack's power buck.

Ryu jumps up and spins around with his foot extended. "Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!"

Applejack pulls out a lasso and launches the loop around the airborne opponent. Ryu yelps as he's suddenly pulled shoulder-first into the ground. She then turns around and around, dragging the rope's captive with her. He gets sent flying into the barn that proceeds to crumble and collapse in a pile of debris on top of him.

"Consarn it! Not again!" Applejack cries out at the damage to yet another barn.

K.O.!

This round's winner is... Applejack.

(Mole-rat vs. Rabbit)

---Rufus vs. Angel Bunny---

A mole-rat scampers across a field. He looks high and low for a specific Ron Stoppable, but with no luck. He suddenly smells something good. He looks over and sees a macadamia nut cookie. He licks the edges of his mouth in excitement.

But just as he scurries along and finds himself atop that particular cookie, an unexpected rabbit's head collides with his own. He grumbles and mutters a bunch of gibberish while waving his little front limb around. The rabbit counters with a silent wiggle of its front paw. Looks like there's only one way to settle this.

Be tough or be dead.

Begin!

Rufus scampers up and zips around all over the bunny's body. Angel squeals out while wildly patting himself down. One of his back-paw slaps manages to send the naked mole-rat for a tumble.

Several carrots are suddenly launched from Angel's person. I don't know where he got the carrots, but let's ignore that detail for the glorious rain of carotene. Muahahahahaha! Look at that mole-rat run every which way. He catches his breath behind a fence post.

The screen briefly cuts to widescreen bars. Rufus leaps forth with what sounds like a "Hi-ya" coming out of his mouth. A tumble between the two critters goes on to the right of the screen. Just as the camera pans over, it looks like Rufus has tied Angel up in a pretzel knot.

Rufus sits down and enjoys munching on that cookie.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Rufus.

(Play Nice)

---Tails Doll vs. Smarty Pants Doll---

An old version of a disembodied right-handed glove floats through a bedroom. It floats into an open toy chest. After a couple of yanks, a robotic doll in the shape of a fox and a patched up doll in the vague shape of a pony with pants fall onto the desk. The glove floats up and starts counting down from "five".

This ought to be a match to remember.

Engage!

Tails Doll uses Stare!

...

Smarty Pants Doll uses Stare!

...

Tails Doll uses Camera-Zoom-In Stare!

...

Smarty Pants Doll uses Zoom-In-With-Camera Stare!

...

Tails Doll's stare literally shakes the camera.

...

Smarty Pants Doll's stare is making the camera visibly shake.

...

It's so intense! Who's going to give in?

...

Cream the Rabbit walks into the room and hugs the Tails Doll.

...

Big Macintosh trots into the room before snatching up the Smarty Pants Doll and loving it.

...

Apocalyptic!

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

Author's Note

It had to be done.

Side Battle: Who Sings Better?

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: No, the title isn't a serious question. Anyway, here's a little disclaimer. The following was written for entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed by any of the characters do not necessarily reflect those of the author or anyone else. Reader discretion is advised.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, various contracts, and a multitude of fan artists.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 13

It's been a long time, F and N. How have you been?

That was certainly... interesting, getting hugged by myself.

Well, while you were busy being cute, I got burned and ripped open!

But... you don't look like you've been ripped open.

... I got better.

Well, enough about us. It's time to introduce today's combatants.

And it's another music-related conflict? Seriously, how many singers are going to be on this show?

I don't know. I kind of like them.

Yeah, I guess I do too. Let's see... *shuffles a few papers around* In this corner we have Black Gryphon.

His opponent is the singer and voice actor known as ShadyVox.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Black Gryphon
-Username is actually spelled with a "0"... with a little slash through it.
-In the U.S. Navy
-Also known as Gabriel C. Brown
-Commonly cooperates with Baasik and Michelle Creber
-Well-versed in sarcastic humor
-A lot of experience in the Electronic genre of music
-Was a gryphon... that turned into a pegasus... somehow

"I still can't stand the theme song. I'm sorry."

The mission of the United States Navy is to protect and defend the right of the United States and their allies to move freely on the oceans and to protect their country against enemies.

According to George Washington, a lack of a proper naval force lacks definitive action. 'Honorable and glorious' *ess* can be done as long as the States have it.

Among the service of over 300,000 active personnel stands Gabriel C. Brown. Though, the MLP fandom's music community knows him more commonly as Black Gryphon.

His start on pony-specific music dates as far back as 2011. He's got a great understanding of vocals, lyrics, and composition. He's also probably got some dirt on the voice actresses for the mane six, since they somehow all agreed to do -licious videos for a meme that went widespread for over a year.

Well, that's not completely true. Tabitha St. Germain didn't agree to do a -licious video.

Oh, right. I forgot that Tabitha always reads poetry lines for any fan that asks her to do so.

No one likes sarcasm, F. Besides, it wasn't all cheesy humor. Gryphon worked well on songs in teams with the likes of Baasik and even Michelle Creber, Apple Bloom's voice.

Their cover of Michael Jackson's Beat It was so impressive that AnimatedJames just had to make a music video out of it one year later.

There's just one weakness that we can seem to ascertain from within his otherwise swell personality. The very theme song of this great show grates on his ears.

Well, I don't blame him. That song is like a nail scratching a chalkboard.

What are you talking about? The theme song is the most amazing piece of work in the world!

"Very astute observation. I'm glad you had a lot of data to go on there."

---Death Battle---

Shady Vox
-Username is actually spelled without a space
-Also known as Blake Swift
-Cooperated with Youtubers such as "xthedarkone", "Little Kuriboh", and "Kirbopher"
-Freelance voice actor, singer, composer, sound designer, and audio engineer
-Famous for rap songs, Yu-gi-oh! GX Abridged, T.O.M.E. and other voice acting roles
-Marik Ishtar says that whatever someone else can do, Shady can do it better
-Jaden Yuki, Spyro, Neon Lights, Button Mash, and Alpha are just a few of the characters he has been

"You... are Nylon Tights!"

"Neon Lights."

"Exactly!"

Blake Swift started out life like a normal boy.

Boring! *clicks fast forward button*

N's lips suddenly move at a much faster rate than she's comfortable with. After a few seconds, F clicks "Play".

He took ballet for six years and wet the bed when he was fifteen. Wait, what just happened? Why does it feel like I just bit my tongue?

*hides remote* Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about.

Um... all right, then. *levitates a water bottle and drinks*

Anyway, Shady's been doing all sorts of voice acting work. These include an abridged series of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, an original online series called TOME, and many more.

But Swift does not just speak his voice. He is also very well-versed in sound design and audio engineering.

Like many have said before, Shady can do it better. The only downside is that his hair constantly looks like a Kuriboh. As such, careless bikers and other cold individuals have a tendency to run over him and break his voice.

Actually, he breaks his coccyx.

But if you ever feel the need to rap against him, just remember that ShadyVox is... stronger.

"Why does all this crap happen here? Yesterday, it was tennis. Today, it's a duel giant. Tomorrow, it's Tarzan! This place is crazy!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

And to make this battle more interesting, I've taken the liberty of giving them the power to transform into some of their own characters.

You did what?

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A large ship slowly surges inland. One of the personnel in uniform hops off the ship onto the dock. A snazzy Ferrari makes a sharp turn and the rubber tires burn. The driver's door opens and out steps... a skinny dude with sunglasses. I'd say that this isn't your typical fight setting, but then I'd have to point out that there have been stranger circumstances in which combatants had to duke it out.

"FIGHT!"

Gabe calmly marches forth. A quiet military beat drums in the background to his pace. Meanwhile, Blake slowly pulls off his sunglasses and tosses them back into the car. He then pulls out a... duel disk system. Wait, how did he fit that in his pockets? Ah, whatever.

Upon sliding it upon his wrist, Shady takes on his Jaden Yuki visage. Wow, his hair really does look like a Kuriboh.

"I summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!"

Jaden places the monster card upon a slot on the oversized wrist watch. A heroine appears in her gaudy red outfit. A fireball burns in Burstinatrix's hand before she hurls that sucker like a baseball pitcher. Gabe ducks down just in time for the fire to hit the section of dock that he was just standing on.

The Elemental Hero throws some more fireballs. The Navy soldier sidesteps, leans back, and dodge rolls around as the fire destroys more and more of the dock. Soon, he stands on an isolated section of wooden planks with nowhere to run. Burstinatrix charges up her strongest orb of flames. It hurtles toward the doomed man in service.

But what's this? In a flash of light, the uniform is abandoned as a dark-feathered gryphon takes to the skies. As our sound effects guy plays with the "eagle screech" button, Black Gryph0n dives down and strikes. Upon contact with the claws, Burstinatrix breaks apart into bits of holographic dust. The gryphon makes another pass against Jaden himself. This force is enough to send the duelist headfirst into the door of his car.

"Why is it always my coccyx?" Shady moans.

Jaden suddenly vanishes as a small, brown colt pulls himself out. The duel disk has also pulled a transformation act into a Minecraft bow. Button Mash takes aim with a sharp eye and fires an arrow. Black Gryph0n angles to the side, and the arrow knocks a feather loose. He says something that sounds like his beak is full of packing peanuts.

"Huh?" asks Button while tilting his head in confusion.

Black repeats his incomprehensible statement.

The colt suddenly grows up into an opalish unicorn. "Dude, no one could possibly understand what you're saying right now!"

While the gryphon laughs at his own Donald Duck impersonation, Shady's form takes that of a young man with spiky red hair. He leaps up with a fiery fist. Gryph0n suddenly has an exclamation point over his head as he notices how close his opponent is getting. Alpha calls upon Poseidon's wrath to soak the gryphon to the bone. He then sends forth a bolt of Zeus's lightning to stress test the property of water that conducts electricity.

This combination of attacks sends the eagle-lion straight into the ground. It seems like hope is running out for him. That is, of course, until a certain filly trots up and offers a helping hoof covered in a round, white glove. Her confident gaze transforms the gryphon into a pegasus with very similar colors. Smiling, Black grabs her hoof with his own and stands up. In the background, a bass is dropped smack dab in the middle of a pop song.

Suddenly dressed up in snazzy outfits, Gryph0n and Bloom let the rhythm beat through their moves. Alpha looks at them in confusion before being tapped on the side by an eager Spike. Shrugging and transforming into his animated Spyro form, Shady gladly accompanies Spike in his little groove.

~Just beat it

(Beat it, beat it)

Oh, yeah!

(Beat it, beat it)~

Soon, the arena is surrounded by all sorts of characters. Most of which can't be identified by all of the audience. Although, certain dragons of the cold steel, Slifer slackers, OC ponies, and singing actresses from Friendship is Magic can be picked out of the crowd if we take sufficient time to examine them all. Anyway, they all dance in style to the outro music.

"Wooo!"

---Death Battle---

Leave it to M.J. to bring conflicts to a confusing halt.

Well, it's partially your own fault. In a simple brawl between their human selves, Gabriel Brown would have easily surpassed Blake Swift due to his military experience. But when you started introducing the destructive potential in all of ShadyVox's characters, all bets were off.

Both of them had a plethora of songs and side projects that they've been involved in and directly wrote for. Naturally, this means that they both have a good sense of rhythm, and predicting each other's moves was child's play.

While Jaden Yuki's voice box will never be the same, it won't stop either of them from doing what they love best.

This fight was really Black and Blake. ... Get it?

Not really. This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Side Battle...

...

"Giving up already, Sora? I thought you were stronger than that!"

...

"These new powers are just... wonderful!"

Author's Note

I write for fun. For what reason do you read?

Side Battle: The Ones That Fell From Grace

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: There must be something wrong with me to even consider this matchup.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Square Enix, and The Inverted Shadow.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 14

Is there a nugget of truth in the idea that the first pick is the worst?

Instructors have to be ready to take on a number of different students. Some students are eager to learn for the sake of knowledge and improving themselves. Others, however, seek power regardless of cost, be it their peers or their very souls.

Will victory go to Painset Shimmercakes, the version of Sunset Shimmer that went so far as to fuse herself with a phantom monster from beyond the grave?

Or can Riku, the original boy that was supposed to be chosen by the Keyblade, use his renewed sense of self to take her down?

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Painset Shimmercakes
-Self-proclaimed god; has an ego that rivals Trixie's
-Originally the unicorn Sunset Shimmer
-Magically infused with the ghost of Painis V----cakes (Oh gosh, why?)
-Now a monstrous alicorn with three different voices swimming in her head
-Typical spells: levitation, illumination, teleportation, magic bolts
-Unusual magic: object disintegration, invisibility, limb shrinking, cake conjuring, nail gun shots, self-activated UberCharge
-Other abnormalities: Bullet-proof wings that disappear for a few seconds after blocking an attack, vomit blobs induced by overuse of magic, switches voices every time she cracks her neck
-Can't seem to properly coordinate which spell she's using at any given time

Oh, gross. That looks like one of my classmate's finger painting projects.

From elementary school?

No, high school.

Right... *ahem* From what little sense our research team could make of the Elements of Insanity series, Sunset Shimmer followed a similar path to what was laid out in the IDW Comic #2. She was Princess Celestia's student until she was found out for being power hungry.

And then she went through the worst rendition of the High School Musical movie. Then, she came back to Equestria... for some reason. It's not really clear why. All we can tell is that the last-minute, apologetic attitude didn't carry over when she returned to her pony self.

For better or for worse, Sunset ran into Trixie and they decided to team up due to their mutual hatred of Twilight Sparkle. Come to think of it, that's a rather flimsy board of common ground to stand on.

Yeah, the series seems to be relying heavily on shock value rather than having any semblance of sense. Anyway, their teleporting around led to a hidden weapons vault that just so happened to contain a magic portal to another world. But instead of being an Earth that is clearly not Earth, it was the graveyard map for Team Hat Simulator 2.

Don't you mean Team Fortress 2?

That's what I said: Team Hat Simulator 2.

After some less than wholesome spells were cast, in what I can only assume is some form of forbidden dark arts, Sunset was infused with a ghost of some insane character. What that character was, it's not really clear because its gravestone marker was unreadable.

Whatever it was gave her a whole bunch of colors splattered over her body as well as a set of powers more confusing than Queen Elsa. Additionally, the new abomination decided to refer to herself as Painset Shimmercakes. Oh, and she forced Trixie to fuse with a spirit from a different gravestone, but that's not important right now.

In addition to the spells typically known among unicorns, Painset also obtained extraordinary magic that allows her to do things such as turn invisible, disintegrate objects such as amulets, conjure nails to shoot at high velocities, shrink enemies' body parts such as their head or their wings...

... give herself an UberCharge, and summon cakes out of thin air. Why? How? It's not really clear.

Due to her unusual body, her wings can actually block bullets. Though, they temporarily shrink down to nothing after a successful defensive round.

When she relies too heavily on her various magical powers, she gets sick to her stomach... literally.

Sometimes in desperate situations, she gets her vast arsenal of spells mixed up and uses the wrong one at the most crucial of times.

Still, it was pretty impressive that she was able to hold her own against one of the Elements of Insanity, a cyborg RED soldier, and a Scout by herself. Though, the other voices that use her mouth might have been interfering with her aim. It's not really clear what was going on there.

I'm not sure which is worse, the Element of Insanity that Twilight's become in that universe, or the pony-shaped... thing hellbent on destroying her.

I can take 'em!

I said no, F.

"I think you'll find I'm anything but a coward."

---Death Battle---

Riku
-According to Kingdom Hearts 1, he was the Keyblade's first choice as its wielder
-Succumbed to the darkness of Xehanort's Heartless
-Long story short, he's back to normal, yet still wields some of the power of Darkness
-Keyblade: Way to the Dawn
-Fighting style: quick, one-handed
-Skills: A springing kick, inconsistent super strength, can wield other warriors' Keyblades just as effectively as his own
-Darkness powers: Dark Shield, Dark Firaga, Dark Aura
-Passed Yen Sid's test to become a Keyblade Master
-Has lost duels with Sora on multiple occasions despite being the "strongest child" on Destiny Islands

"If there are other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one?"

About ten years ago, the ambitious Keyblade Master Xehanort was consumed by darkness. He was seeking the legendary Kingdom Hearts, a source of untold power. He had been looking into the ancient Keyblade War that was fought between light and darkness in an attempt to control that power. He figured he was close to finding the means necessary to finding it.

But, the geezer ran into a slight problem that all elderly face: cancer... I mean old-age sickness. Knowing this, he searched for an appropriate vessel in which he could infuse with his heart. At first, he had his sights on the young and youthful Ventus. But, Ventus wouldn't embrace the Darkness as his master ordered, so No-Heart-X moved on to another potential candidate. Enter Terra, a Keyblade wielder that struggled to hold back his Darkness in the middle of his Mark of Mastery exam.

In an attempt to prove himself, Terra followed Master Eraqus's orders to strike down the Unversed, fledgeling emotions that feed on negativity. What he could not have foreseen was that they actually stemmed out of the masked boy known as Vanitas, the clone of Ventus that Xehanort forcibly extracted through his powers of Darkness.

After several misunderstandings and inadvertently helping most of Disney's cast of villains, Terra was tricked into fighting and killing Eraqus... with the final backstabbing coming from Xehanort himself. Then, after a cinematic scuffle between Birth By Sleep's protagonists and antagonists, Xehanort forced his heart into Terra's body. Though, Terra's mind still resisted, forcing the new Xehanort to develop amnesia.

You might be wondering why we're focusing so much of this backstory on Xehanort when we're supposed to be analyzing Riku. Well, it turns out that Riku's story intertwines a lot with Xehanort, specifically his Heartless. At the beginning of the first Kingdom Hearts game, Riku sought the exploration of other worlds alongside his childhood friend and rival Sora.

Somehow, this translated into a desire for dark, shadowy power and this attracted Xehanort's Heartless. This Heartless slowly took Riku over from the inside out. On the bright side, Riku could actually control some of the weaker Heartless and utilize a dark weapon similar to the Keyblade. On the down side, he missed his chance to be the true Keyblade's chosen one, and eventually lost control to Ansem the Seeker of Darkness.

But all was not lost for this young man. After a quick run through Castle Oblivion and uniting forces with King Mickey, he was able to minimize Xehanort's influence in his heart, while still having control over some of his Darkness powers. Though, using these powers too often caused him to take on the physical appearance of Xehanort's Heartless until an explosion in the World that Never Was fixed him up.

Good old Michael Bay remedy! Anyway, Riku tends to wield the Way to Dawn Keyblade in a quick, one-handed stance. Over the years, he's built up a lot of power in his muscles, allowing him to jump with a spring in his step and cut through freaking skyscrapers! What the *eff*?

While limited in some regards, Riku still has access to plenty of Darkness-fueled abilities such as the Dark Shield, a burning Dark Firaga, and a nearly invincible Dark Aura. With the Dark Aura, Riku can either rush around the field at incredible speed, or shoot his enemies with a barrage of dark bolts of energy.

Sometimes, this teenager is lucky enough to find potions to heal his health. Other times, he's not so lucky. Heck, luck hasn't been too friendly with him when it comes to his win-loss record against Sora.

Despite his flaws, Riku eventually took and passed the Mark of Mastery Exam set by former Master Yen Sid... and he helped set Kairi on the path to training in the ways of Keyblade mastery as well.

He's not so bad for an emo.

"I kind of need to wake Sora up."

"Don't tell me he's fallen asleep again."

"Yeah, what'll I do with him?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A young man with silver hair and a yellow vest walks casually onto the scene. It's a dark, yet clear night as the moon peeks over the thin cloud layer. The young man passes by an old barn-type building. A tall, dead tree leads the way to the arena.

Suddenly, there's a scream from afar. The boy places himself against the tree and carefully looks around. A few corpses of uniformed men are thrown about the place in rather grotesque positions. In the middle of it all stands what appears to be a winged horse, giggling to herself like a mad woman. Her body is covered in what appears to be paint splatters, even though it's actually her hide.

"A Heartless?" wonders the young man, "But why haven't any of the bodies vanished as their hearts float into the sky?"

The pony-monster's ears flick at the voice and she turns her head. The boy decides to abandon his hiding place and runs out into the open. He holds up his left palm almost in an inviting manner. His right hand, however, is held high in front of his head. A sword that vaguely resembles a key appears in nothing more than a flicker of light.

The pony giggles as her neck randomly snaps two or three times.

"FIGHT!"

Painset Shimmercakes charges up an evil red glow at her horn. She promptly sends the magic blast forward. Riku just as quickly raises his left palm. A shield of darkness appears just in front of his hand. The blast attack explodes on contact, but doesn't seem to do any damage. Deciding to save the power for later, Riku lowers his Dark Shield and watches his opponent carefully.

He doesn't have to wait long. Painset's next move involves a blue-colored spell. Several hardware nails appear with their tips pointing right at the young man. Riku takes a jump just in time for the nails to impale a gravestone that is sitting behind his initial position. Quickly advancing, he swings his sword faster than any man should be able to with a weapon so big. However, just as it looks like he's about to hit the monster, she vanishes.

Riku looks around warily. He has no idea where the enemy is. Suddenly, a well-decorated cake with a single candle pops up to his left. It audibly says the word "cake". He tilts his head in confusion at the out-of-place baked good.

Painset appears behind him all set to cast something. However, she turns green all over, much to her dismay. She chokes up a huge orb that pops upon colliding with Riku's back. Now it's more difficult to say that his vest is actually yellow. But, his attention is returned to the important task as he turns around. He points his Keyblade further in front as something ignites at the tip.

A brief expression of worry crosses Painset's face before she folds her wings out in front of herself. Her colors somewhat blend into her surroundings as Riku's bolts of Darkness pepper against her. He stops his assault after a few seconds. Painset's colors return to normal as her wings shrink into her sides. Panicking, she calls on the first spell her addled mind can think of. The cake returns, but Riku cuts right through it.

Riku holds his left hand forth again. This time, the Darkness takes on a slightly different form. It resembles a concentrated fire that he proceeds to launch full force. After an explosion, Painset screams as she flies all the way across one row of tombstones. Riku quickly runs forth to finish the job.

That is, until his arms suddenly get covered by an orange glow. Painset giggles in one voice and then another as her neck cracks. The Keyblade falls to the ground and vanishes. It's quite difficult for the tiny stumps currently attached to Riku's sides to hold much of anything right now. He gasps as he looks back and forth at his arms before looking forward again.

Painset summons her magic nails again and shoots them. But though his arms are out of commission, Riku's legs certainly aren't. He jumps around, dodging the nails every which way. Despite the small size, he still conjures a Dark Firaga in his left hand and shoots it. But the pitiful dark spell is quickly overtaken by a much larger red magic blast.

This time, Riku gets sent flying along a row of tombstones. He grunts against the pain as he lies on the ground. His enemy trots up in determination.

"You thought you could trifle with the likes of me?" she asks rhetorically. "You don't have what it takes to face a god!"

Painset's body glows an eerie red while her eyes shine in pure yellow light. She looks ready to blow her stack.

"Darkness," whispers Riku.

Just as Painset releases a blast of pure rage, Riku does a back flip high into the sky. His outfit is altered to a much darker tone. His waist is covered by what looks like a skirt made of fur. But the most notable change is that his arms are back to a normal size. He gracefully lands and summons his Keyblade again.

"What?!" exclaims Painset as her UberCharge fades.

She tries to cast her orange spell again. However, the space she casts upon only contains an afterimage of the much faster Riku. The real Riku quickly rushes around the field, swinging and slashing against the exposed Painset Shimmercakes. He stops for a moment to plant his blade into the ground. A giant dark burst explodes under the pony-monster's hooves. This leaves her dizzy with several question marks flying around her head.

Riku spins around and thrusts his blade with the afterimages following his path. With a loud battle cry, he jumps up and swings his blade down with the combined power of his own strength, his Darkness, and gravity working together. Painset yells one last time as she's sliced into bleeding pieces.

The Darkness boost wears off, leaving the young man in his original outfit of a yellow vest. He rests his weapon against his shoulder.

"Is that all you got?"

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

In the after battle scene, Riku picks up a stack of papers labeled, "The Elements of Insanity, Story Script" and promptly tosses it. The pages are scattered everywhere.

Woo-hoo! Another Kingdom Hearts character wins!

There was a lot that Riku had to work against, and there were some variables that could work against him. But as with anything, "could" doesn't always mean "would". While Painset Shimmercakes has a plethora of lethal attacks working for her, she has yet to fully master them and easily loses focus.

On the other hand, Riku may get knocked around more often, but he can shake off damage much more easily. Plus, he's no stranger to the dark arts since he literally wields Darkness as a weapon. Sure, he can't copy other people's powers, but he can easily strengthen his own body and overcome the nasty side effects.

Besides, Riku has more consistently defeated those that have claimed to possess god-like power in the past. Whereas Painset has yet to defeat the ones she truly despises even with her new power.

Riku is stronger, smarter, and faster than Painset, even on her good day.

It's going to take a lot more than a single monster to stand a chance against the newest Keyblade Master.

Looks like this fight is Pain, Set, and Match.

The winner is Riku.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I may not reply to all of the comments, but I do read them.

Ch. 111: Littlepip vs. Blackjack (Alternate Ending)

"Dark" and "Light" won't matter for this chapter's "Formatting".

Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round

Here, the fights are held without holding them up with analysis.

Two fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... GO!

(Pony Wasteland Wanderer vs. The Copycat)

---Littlepip vs. Blackjack---

It's a fairly cloudy day. But then again, that's normal for a deserted town. Most of the pegasi closed the cloud layer a long time ago. Even if the sun is high, it won't offer much to the land-walkers and Dashite deserters. The silver lining is that the harmful UV radiation can't get through either.

The camera follows a stray vulture, flying around the dark sky. It searches for any prey that hasn't been turned to dust yet. Pan down a little, and you can see an obscurely prominent golden number "2" on the back of a jumpsuit. Though, that might be difficult to see around the patchwork of rotting armor. What might be even harder to see is the small pony wearing the getup and looking down the scope on a zebra-crafted rifle.

"Hmm, those raiders might be a bit of trouble," she mutters to herself. "Maybe it's best if I take 'em down one at a time while the rest aren't looking."

A stray cylindrical canister plops down on the enemy camp. This confuses the potential sniper... at least until half of the camp she's observing is blown sky-high in splinters of wood and various pony parts. She looks up from her scope and tries to locate the source of the grenade. She doesn't have to look far as somepony flies in, covered from the chest down in black metal.

This newcomer has all the necessary limbs to be considered an alicorn. However, the proportions are all wrong if that is the case. If the little pony is not mistaken, then she sees a horn that isn't any larger than the average unicorn's. It's kind of hard to miss the white head amidst the darkness of the rest of the body.

"What the *eff* is she?" wonders the little one.

After some noises that resemble turbines, the cyber-alicorn flies down. She lands with a lot of force. Though, the ground seems to suffer the brunt of any potential damage. Even from a few feet away, she looks down at the original pony.

"This is the 'Stable Dweller' that everypony's so worked up about?" she scoffs. "You don't even look old enough to carry a gun."

A layer of magic surrounds the alleged Stable Dweller's horn. The newcomer in front of her is making her Eyes-Forward-Sparkle spell glow as a red dot.

"Listen, I don't want to hurt you," she tries to reason, as her aura also permeates some of the contents of her inventory.

"Aw, that's cute," mocks the cyber-alicorn with a smirk. "Little baby Stable Dweller thinks she can hurt me." Her own horn charges up magic.

Nobody blink!

Fight!

The screen splits briefly between the two as both Littlepip and Blackjack activate the Stable-Tec Arcane Targeting spell in their respective Pipbucks. There are a lot of clicking noises as they take aim at various body parts. Once they're done, time resumes at an extremely slow pace.

Three different firearms pop out of Littlepip's bags and aim forth. The same could be said of Blackjack, but in a red aura. Blasts emitting from the floating guns are elongated and show off all the kickback that could probably snap an earth pony's neck. Bullets sail through the air.

But due to the simultaneous aim-cheats that they have in place, all of the shots are colliding with each other in midair. While it is hilarious to watch this fire fight going nowhere, neither one of them is laughing out loud. Instead, they just keep firing and firing. It's a pepper job on the guy in charge of the sound booth as he tries to minimize the ear-piercing resonance of all the blasts.

*Click* *Click* *Click*

Eventually, the six guns currently in play run out of ammunition. Littlepip drops her guns around her. Blackjack practically chucks her weapons into the burning remains of the raider camp. The cyber-alicorn levitates out... of all things... a police baton, and gallops forward. Littlepip pulls out an exotic machete and does the same.

Blackjack jumps up and does an aerial loop before coming down hard. Her baton clangs down against the machete. Littlepip adjusts her weapon's angle, trying to push back. The melee weapons slide off and bash against each other at several different angles.

*Clang* *Ding* *Dong* *Clang*

Littlepip growls out, using gravity to help her next downward strike. The attack is super effective and shatters the baton into a mess of broken pieces. She spins around, swinging it from the side for one more blow.

*Pow*

The little pony gasps as she looks at her big knife. A red hole in it is smoking before the weapon falls apart into just as many pieces as the baton. But from where did that shot even come? Her opponent didn't even pull out a- Is that smoke coming out of the alicorn's horn?

Blackjack chuckles as she shoots a second magic bullet. It's by sheer luck that Littlepip jumps out of the shot's path to the ground. Heart racing, the little unicorn gallops away. Blackjack's red magic shots pepper after the path that she takes.

"*Eff*! *Ess*! *Eff*! Mother*eff*er!" cries Littlepip as she dives into a building's doorway.

Blackjack blows some air from her mouth upward. Her horn simmers down in both smoke and aura. She turns around and notices a couple of boxes that weren't destroyed by her pre-fight grenade. She hums in delight as she trots over.

Meanwhile, Littlepip tries to scour the old desks and lockers for something... anything. Aside from a few small ammo boxes, all she can find is junk. Sure, there are a few drugs in the mix, but she's not willing to risk so many addictions for the sake of one alicorn. Though, she silently wishes upon Luna to condemn her bad luck for not bringing a memory orb with her on this trip. Those have helped her bring down alicorns on more than one occasion.

Her reminiscing is interrupted by a red, curved arrow appearing in her eyes. She tenses up as she knows what that indication from her Pipbuck is telling her. She immediately leaps away from two desks. A grenade's blast scatters the metal and wood around where she just was. Suddenly, three red arcs are closing in on her tail.

"*Ess*."

She jumps out the back window just in time to avoid a fairly large explosion. Blackjack's most recent plan of attack causes some cracks and dents in what remains of the building's old walls. The cyber-alicorn tosses a few more of the explosives at the other floors for good measure. The resulting blasts set fire to whatever isn't already ash. What little remains to support the building's top floor collapses entirely.

Blackjack's wings help her fly up to admire her destruction. She playfully dusts off her shoulders.

"And that's what you get for being a little-"

*Ba-ba-boom*

She opens her eyes wide. Her wing is sparking with a new hole in it that isn't supposed to be there.

"...*ess*."

The camera pans down and around at a nearby rooftop. Littlepip takes a couple seconds to reload her zebra rifle. She aims through the scope and fires again. The triple shot nicks the tip of Blackjack's other wing. The unicorn moves to levitate the ammunition in for one more round. But Blackjack is having none of that, and fires her magic bullet spell straight at the gun. It looks mostly intact, except the chamber that can actually hold a round is completely cracked.

"D**n it," grunts Littlepip as she heads for the stairs.

However, Blackjack needs to drop down as well. Her wings are damaged and she doesn't have the tools in her immediate vicinity to patch them back up. Spitting to the side, she aims for the ground just in front of the building and lands in a gallop before stopping completely.

The camera pans to the staircase. Littlepip pants as she descends.

"*Eff*ing hell," she mutters. "I was really hoping I could save this for a more desperate situation, but..." A small tin floats out in her magic aura.

Back outside, Blackjack waits a few feet away from the entrance. She charges up her horn, holding a magic bullet at the tip. As soon as she sees that little pipsqueak, she's going to fill her up with as many shots as she has magic left.

The door bursts open with a squeal. Blackjack lets her magic shot fly. However, there's no pony at the door to eat it. Confused, her eyes race around the doorway and the windows. Her eyes stop looking briefly at the sound of something like a hardware store's drill. Just as suddenly, Littlepip is standing in front of her. The little pony has a big grin on her face and a screwdriver in her green magic aura.

"What the-?" Blackjack's legs suddenly give way underneath her own weight. "How the *eff* did you-?"

"Know exactly which joints to detach so that the hydraulics would yield?" finished Littlepip rather lively. "Silly Blackjack. Mechanical tinkering is what I've been doing for a living."

Blackjack growls as her horn charges up.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Littlepip pounds away at Blackjack's horn with the broad side of her screwdriver. "None of that! You could poke sompony's eye out and that wouldn't be fun to deal with."

The spell seems to cut off. Blackjack's horn looks like it's bent at a very uncomfortable angle. Her growling isn't doing much to deter that conclusion. Meanwhile, Littlepip puts her screwdriver away. She slowly pulls out the trademarked revolver: Little Macintosh.

"Before you shoot, could you at least let me have one last beer?" pleads Blackjack.

Littlepip tilts her head. "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Nope." Littlepip smiles and turns to look at you. "To any children that are somehow reading this, please look away now." She then turns back and spins Little Macintosh's chamber.

*Pow*

Blackjack's left eye blows out.

*Pow*

Blackjack's other eye is split open.

*Pow*

Blood and bits of skull splash in all directions. With the resounding gush of cranial pieces, the cybernetic body is left without a head to drive it. The blood spills into the circuits.

K.O.!

Suddenly, the revolver drops. Littlepip holds her head against one hoof. All of the answers that she thought she had are quickly fading into an unnavigable ocean within her mind. Truly, there is no crueler mistress than a Party-Time Mint-Al's side effects.

"Wait... what's two plus two again?"

This round's winner is... Littlepip!

Author's Note

If you're asking for spoiler alerts, please refer to this fic's long description section. Thank you.
...
To see the original ending of this debate, check out Arrell and Yahshee's take on the matter.

Ch. 112: Up For Review

"Formatting" can be set to "Dark" or "Light".

Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

Triple Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are held without the boring analysis.

Six fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

(Mithrarin vs. The Counselor)

---Dust vs. Dr. Wolf---

After defeating the Japanese wolf that killed Fidget, Mithrarin makes a mad dash through the woods. Where is he going? What is he doing? Why can't he think about anything but pure anger right now? The answer to one of those questions... after the break.

I don't always watch ponies. But when I do, I prefer My Little Pony.

There is a rush of black and light blue. This anthro fox is not taking any time to stop and think. Despite a few words in edgewise from his talking sword, he continues his mad dash.

Meanwhile, from a sniper pony's vantage point...

"We've got some shonky business coming our way," warns the mustard yellow unicorn.

"Could you be more specific?" asks the red medic unicorn.

"Crikey!" The sniper's eyes go wide. "It's an unregistered BLU fighter that's rippin' the style straight from our own Doc!"

"Oh, that's no big deal." The medic shrugs. "KeyFrame is the BLU medic."

"No, not that kind of doctor, ya bloody showpony. I'm talking about our actual doctor!"

...

"You know, he's not really a doctor either."

"Oh for Pete's sake! Just get him out here to sort with this intruder, all right? I want to camp in peace today."

"All right, fine. Geez." The medic grumbles while trotting away and mumbling. "I don't see why you can't shoot the darn enemy if you've already got him in your sights."

"What the- AAAAAAH!" The pink demo-pegasus with an eyepatch gets smacked away by the intruder's sword. Although, that shouldn't be possible, considering how good she showcased her melee combat prowess in her application. Nevertheless, she groans as she's sprawled on the ground.

The Mithrarin's ears perk up through his hat. Across the way sits somebody else, reclined on a camping chair. This particular somebody is strumming a quiet melody on an acoustic guitar. His face is hidden by a yellow hard hat, save for his fuzzy smile.

"Buddy, you just ain't doin' it right."

Some background brass instruments play as a title card randomly covers the screen.

Meet the Engineer... again

As the little intro interrupts his solo, the alleged engineer sets his guitar to the side. He pulls out a very specific wrench in one paw and slowly pats it against the other. The intruder spits to the side, bearing his Elysium sword back-handed.

Now that the doctor is in...

Mission begin!

Dr. Wolf pounds a spot on the ground with his wrench. Within seconds, a level one sentry is constructed. It aims its small guns and fires. Dust spins his sword in front of himself. His "Dust Storm" parries a whole round of the sentry's bullets. But he doesn't hold his position in waiting. He quickly runs forth.

Meanwhile, the doctor scampers over to his dispenser to gather some more parts. But he's forced to lean back in shock as Dust jumps up, spins through the air, and basically slices up the two machines so much that they fail to function. Sparks fly from the broken sentry and dispenser as the doctor flees from the scene.

Dust gives chase, quickly gaining ground as his pace and height are both greater than the doc's. He's almost right on top of the wolf, just before they both step on a teleporter. It almost sounds like a double explosion rather than a simple displacement of matter from one location to another.

A bright light fills the camera. The Mithrarin puts up a hand to cover his eyes, even though his hat is already doing a pretty good job of blocking out the light. After a while of disorientation, Dust finds himself standing outside of a plain door with a knob. He looks around a completely empty hallway. Slowly, he reaches to the knob and turns it.

He cautiously approaches the room's center. He feels rather tired all of a sudden. The atmosphere just feels... right for lying down on the couch. In a nearby chair, another furry creature wearing a nice collared shirt sits, scribbling down a few notes on a pad of paper. Dust sighs and takes off his hat for a while.

"So, Mr. Dust... tell me what's on your mind."

"Well, I guess it all started when Jin and Cassius clashed."

Momentary finish!

This round's victory goes to... Dr. Wolf!

Bring on the beak-off!

(Gryphon vs. Hippogryph)

---Gilda vs. Silver Quill---

"Wow," says a fine gentleman with his eyes wide. "I had no idea that an earth pony rhythm could destroy Twittermite-powered constructs so easily." He takes a couple of steps back. "I'd... better lay low for a bit."

Several stone arms and mechanical blades are toppling across the scene. Applejack bucks the knees out from under one straggling construct. Pinkie Pie sends another flying with her Party Cannon to its inexpressive face. Maud's hooves of fury practically wipe a construct out of existence. The last construct assumes a meditating pose as Tree Hugger shares her "sonic bliss".

As all of this is going on, the hippogryph takes the opportunity to run away very fast. However, he doesn't watch where he's going. His negligence is reprimanded by a collision with the tush of a similar-looking creature.

"Hey!" she yells as she turns her angry face.

"Oh... hi, Gilda," says the hippogryph with a cheerful tone. "I haven't seen you since... well... ever. I was just passing by and thinking since we're both beaked friends, maybe we could do each other a friendly favor?"

Gilda shoves the guy away with a claw. She then proceeds to take a deep breath... and roar. The hippogryph's feathers briefly spring up in all directions until the half-lion's noise ends.

He gulps. "So, uh... is that a 'roar, yes' or a 'roar, no'?"

Ladies and gentlemen it's...

Showtime!

Gilda growls before taking a flying pounce. She starts rapidly clawing at Silver from the left and right. It's all the poor hippogryph can do to hold up his own talons in fear.

"No, not the face!" he cries out. "Take the wings instead! They still don't have proper animation!"

The gryphon wisely ignores Quill's advice. She continues clawing his chest and arms. He takes a peek with one eye in spite of his growing pain. Though, his worry is quickly replaced with confusion.

"Wait, is that the KFC staff?" he asks.

"What?!" squawks Gilda.

She frantically turns around on her hind legs. But there is nothing there. When she turns back to call out the lie, Silver is already running away from the vicinity. He stops and takes a look through one of the pony's inventories. When he pulls out a lasso, he turns around with confidence.

"What in tarnation?" hollers the robbed pony.

But the hippogryph is already on the move. He swings the loop of the lasso high above his head. He then thrusts it forward... and misses Gilda by several feet off the screen. There is a "yoink" noise as an outfit and a heavy weapon land at Silver's feet. He looks down in surprise.

"Hmm, not what I had in mind, but... I'll take it," he says gladly.

There are some clicking noises as Silver Quill equips his newly acquired items: The RED Heavy's outfit and his minigun. Gilda opens her eyes wide upon seeing the heavily armed hippogryph. She flaps her wings and lifts up just as the gun starts spinning around and releasing all of its bullets. Despite the miss, the minigun continues firing in roughly the same direction. It even drags Silver forward along the ground as he shakes from the gun's rapid vibrations.

Up above, the gryphon watches her opponent skeptically. She flies down just behind and above him. She then promptly shoves down on his back while slicing through his neck with her talons.

"Naaaaaar," groans Silver Quill. "Nope, that still doesn't sound like a real reaction to pain."

He collapses when his nerves stop responding below his neck. The Alicorn Amulet falls out of his chest fluff without a living wielder to utilize its dark magic. Gilda screeches and roars simultaneously at her newest kill.

And cut!

The winner of this round is... Gilda!

Now, shall we paint or chew?

(You'd swear this next round was a YTP)

---Majin Buu vs. Lightning Bliss---

A creature resembling a fat, pink man and wearing baggy pants wanders into the middle of what appears to be an Old Western town. He hums a tuneless melody and wears the silliest, yet small grin on his face. At least, it looks like a face. It's a bit difficult to determine actual anatomy on a body that wiggles all over like a mixture of play-doh and bubble gum.

"Surprise!"

A mechanical spy attempts to stab him in the back. But the pink man only turns his head in mild confusion. He giggles and gently slaps the robot. The mechanical construct experiences fear, or at least gives a convincing imitation of being frightened as it screams through the air. The robot spy collides with one of the wooden walls and slides down, surprisingly not breaking anything but itself.

Suddenly there's a scream accompanied by a flashing sphere composed of the visible light spectrum. It swirls around wildly in curved paths throughout the sky. Within a couple of seconds, however, it runs over the pink man and lands on the ground beside him. The rainbow dissipates to reveal a white pony character.

The looks of this pony are a little... stressful for the eye to comprehend. She has the anatomy of an alicorn, yet her tail looks like it was stretched really thin and turned into a bendable paintbrush. There is also a pair of goggles that rest above her eyes instead of being properly worn. Her hind leg reaches up to her large ears and scratches them like a dog would.

Steam escapes the ear holes of the pink man. "You want Buu make you dead?"

"Wait, what?!" The pony turns around and waves her front legs insistently. "No, no, no! I just got away from a monster loaf of bread that was trying to eat me! I don't want to die!"

"You no talk more!" shouts the pink man. "Now you die!"

En garde!

Allez!

Fat Buu flies in quick with his gloved fist extended in front of him. Lightning Bliss lets out a whinny out of fright. She rushes straight up into the sky. After Buu misses his target, he grunts and performs an instant transmission upward. He reappears right above the pony and releases a big breath. The resulting aftershock sends Bliss soaring into a building and against the ground.

Bliss groans and stands up, shaking off the pain. However, her attacker is quickly closing the distance. She screams and sweeps her tail in front of herself. A small stroke of rainbow floats up and collides with Buu's fist. He pulls his glove back in confusion. The small floating stroke vanishes.

Scoffing, Buu rapidly throws in several punches in rapid succession. Still whinnying in fright, Bliss shakes her paintbrush tail just as rapidly. With every midair stroke that Buu breaks, another one collides and stops each of his punches. The sound effects guy is borrowing a lot of punching noises from Dragon Ball today.

Eventually, Buu backs off just a tad bit. That is exactly the opening Bliss can use to gallop away as fast as her legs can take her. Buu gives chase with the air, practically forming Mach cones around him as he flies. Thinking quickly, Bliss quickly whips her tail on a concentrated surface area that can follow her. It forms into a relatively large, brown, and flying door. Said door opens by itself.

"Anger! Inner Child! Get him!" Bliss yells.

Two figures rush out of the door and collide with Buu, halting his supersonic advance. He lets out a confused grunt as he gets a better look at them. They have an uncanny resemblance to Lightning Bliss. One of them is covered in a fairly red aura and has a pissed off look on her face. The other looks about the size of a one-year-old filly and has a face of excitement and wonder.

The allegedly named Anger and Inner Child fly and zip around Buu in a couple of blurs. His body gets several dents pushed into him, signifying the points of impact. If this were any normal man, he'd require some serious hospitalization. The two fillies rush back to the side to admire their fighting handiwork. Unfortunately for them, Buu is no ordinary man.

Buu pops back into his normal fat self in about one second. Some energy is focused and fired from the single antenna on his head. It collides with Anger and Inner Child, making them spasm as if being electrocuted. One second we're looking at two ponies. The next, the camera is seeing two jawbreakers. Licking his lips, Buu rushes over and swallows them both.

Wide-eyed and mouth agape, Bliss stares at the whole scene unfolding in front of her. Two of her innermost aspects given physical form just got eaten by a fat thing. But the true horror has yet to begin. Energy irradiates from Buu in highly concentrated power levels. The fat pink blob screams at most inhumane tones.

The energy levels are so overwhelming, that anyone looking directly through the camera gets blinded. Luckily, we have plenty of reserves to keep the motion picture rolling. As the energy starts to become more stable, Buu's form shrinks against the red light. His clothes face a bit of a downgrade as well, from a vest and baggy pants to a slightly smaller pair of baggy pants. His eyes open up and reveal red irises against black eyeballs.

Kid Buu chortles in a much deeper tone than his fat counterpart's voice. He lifts a palm and fires a few ki blasts in the pony's direction. Screaming, Bliss flies out of the way as quickly as she can manage. Kid Buu lets out a shrill yell and pounds his chest like an ape. Once he finishes that little bout, he lifts a hand above his head. A giant pink ball of death rolls and builds within reach of his open palm.

Bliss whinnies in fright and concentrates her magic. A sphere of rainbow surrounds her entirely, blocking her from view. It races around the battlefield. As Kid Buu swings his hand down, his Planet Burst races for the ground. The camera zooms extremely far away. It's enough to watch the entire planet disintegrate in a huge, pink explosion.

Amidst the destruction, however, Kid Buu fails to notice a sphere of rainbows flying away to who-knows-where.

"Just once, I'd like to not get threatened by sentient food," complains Bliss from inside her trademark transportation.

Halte!

The result of this round is... no contest.

Shenron, build us a new planet Earth!

Next time on Death Battle...

"When it gets right down to it, I do come through!"

Vs.

"Jak, come on! Say something to me, buddy!"

Author's Note

In lieu of a new episode, take this.

Kick 'Em in the Side

Please make sure that the "Formatting" in the upper corner is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Let's see what I can do with this. Playstation fanboy discretion is advised.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Naughty Dog, and Sony Computer Entertainment.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 21

Suggestions are there. Though, they sometimes seem... lopsided.

When things get overly grim or fall victim to drama, you can always count on the comic relief character to make a snarky remark or release your inner desire to whack something upside the head.

For example, there's Daxter... the half-otter, half-weasel that makes sure Jak keeps his mouth shut in the first game.

Don't forget Spike, the young dragon assistant of Twilight Sparkle.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Daxter
-Species: Ottsel (formerly human)
-Transformed due to Dark Eco
-Small, frisk, and nifty with a weapon
-Weapons: Electric Bug Swatter; Spray Gun
-Not a very strong individual
-Moves lack versatility without Jak somewhere nearby

"Looks like Jak's still got the mojo!"

Daxter used to be an ordinary human being beside his best friend Jak.

What kind of normal human has ears that long and pointy? And look at that hair! Jak is totally a fairy just like Link.

Are you still on about fairies? *sigh* The point is that one rowboat trip to Misty Island and a fall into a dark eco silo later, Daxter emerged as an ottsel: a half-otter, half-weasel with orange fur, a small tail...

And he lost his junk!

That's not the important thing.

I disagree! There are three most important body parts a man needs to have: an arm, a shotgun for a leg, and a d-

It was theorized that a large enough supply of light eco could potentially reverse Daxter's transformation. However, he reluctantly gave up that chance so that Jak could save the world.

Fast forward a little and Jak gets taken in by the Krimzon Guard, a brutal military force in Haven City that arrests citizens simply for things as minor as a light tap. It took Daxter a whole two years to figure out a way to find Jak and get him out of a torture seat being blasted by lasers powered by dark eco.

Where the hell was Daxter for most of those two years? No one knows. But a few days just before he managed a rescue, he took on the role of a metal bug exterminator for the Kridder Ridder Extermination Company.

Apparently the robo-bugs were only a problem in the Industrial Section and the Port, because that's all Daxter ever got to explore during his job. While his moves to run and jump around aren't very versatile, he brings along a few weapons perfect for taking down the pests. They compose of an electric bug swatter and a spray gun.

At first, his spray gun could only stun his enemies long enough to throw in a few lightweight kicks. However, he eventually obtained the Flamethrower Attachment, which turns his gun into... a flamethrower, and the Ultrasonic Attachment which allows him to shoot sound waves that can overload a metal bug's circuits if fired long enough.

Despite his small size, Daxter has quite a big mouth on him. I'm guessing he used most of the two years prior to saving Jak to get wasted and talk about a bunch of fabricated stories about all the imaginary creatures he destroyed single-handedly.

He's not old enough to drink alcohol.

Oh.

But you do have a point. In many of his past adventures, his first instinct was to toss a weapon to Jak and act as a backseat driver. Still, there's some bragging rights to be had from taking down the metal bug leader Metal Kaeden by himself.

It's no Metal Gear.

One step at a time, B.

"Alright, everything in the building with more than two legs start trembling, 'cause the Daxternator is in the building!"

---Death Battle---

Spike
-Species: Dragon
-Hatched by Twilight Sparkle during an entrance exam
-Little, exaggeratedly male, and dependable in a pinch
-Fire breath with variations that can light up a long row of logs, be small enough for a single parchment, or large enough to melt a giant ice-cloud about the size of an Olympics stadium
-Versatile tail that can double as a jackhammer
-Can be distracted by his crush on Rarity and/or stage fright in front of an audience that fills an entire Olympics stadium
-Scales can withstand the intense heat of lava or the piercing pain of needles
-Is much weaker than the other dragons shown on screen

"Twitchy tail? ... Twitchy tail!"

Spike was born from the egg of a dragon after a sudden explosion startled the newest entry for the School of Gifted Unicorns. He was then pumped up with a magical burst that made him grow into a giant, until Princess Celestia stepped in and calmed the young unicorn down. In the years that followed, he would be trained to serve as Twilight Sparkle's personal assistant.

The poor guy's been slapped around by the animators' antics more than W by all of his dates combined.

That was uncalled for, B!

Yet despite his constant punishment, he somehow gets up and manages to walk away from it every time. Like that one time in Dragon Quest, he jumped off a cliff over fifty-six feet high, landed face-first into a pool of freaking lava, sank under, swam back up, spit some of the molten rock out of his mouth, and was only worried about if he did the jump correctly instead of worrying about... you know... his life!

Yes, the conditions that a dragon can survive are outrageous in the Equestrian universe. It isn't just heat that Spike's body can withstand. That force of impact from the belly flop alone would be enough to turn a normal human being into paste.

And how the heck could he hold lava in his mouth without at least incinerating his tongue? I mean, this is just a baby dragon. What the *eff* are dragons in this universe made of?!

Well, he's certainly got some strong stuff inside. Spike's normal green fires are just the right size to ignite an entire scroll or light up a row of firewood. But when push comes to shove, he can shoot an orange flame so large and hot that it can melt an entire block of ice approximately large enough to eclipse a stadium about the size of the Beijing Olympics "Bird's Nest".

Seriously, what is in those gems that he snacks on and where can I get some? I want to try to set a giant bonfire that everyone can offer their sacrifices to in my name.

... No.

Aw... though, now I'm curious. Why would the Equestrian Games have an official event in which the archery equipment can turn clouds into weapons of mass destruction?

I don't know. Subtlety was never the show's strong point when it comes to showing off impressive feats.

Speaking of poor subtlety, they really know how to push the point of his involvement in simultaneous pedophilia and bestiality with Rarity. Kid, there is a time and a place to get laid. Your protagonist's best friend is neither of those things.

Which brings us to the factors that tend to work against him. Spike is a very young dragon and sometimes lets his emotions get in the way of his perception of various situations. While he's capable of speaking his mind and pulling his friends out of a tight spot, his hormones can create bursts of frustration or fear that make it difficult for him to think clearly.

And being raised in an environment surrounded by colorful horses doesn't do him any diplomatic favors when dealing with other dragons. But hey, what he lacks in age and charisma, he makes up for with quick wit.

"Aw, don't mention it, Applejack. It was my pleasure! Really!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A castle shines as bright as ever in the center of Ponyville. The camera takes a flier's view and enters through the middle of the front doorway. Our view pans down one long empty hallway past several more doors until it makes a sudden right turn. The princess's library looks like it's collecting plenty of books from outside sources. At a low table, Twilight Sparkle sits and enjoys reading one of the books thoroughly for every last detail.

Her number one assistant hums while dusting the lower shelves. Her number two assistant quietly flies around organizing the books on the upper shelves. Unbeknownst to any of them, a light starts swirling around a full height mirror near the back of the large room. At least, it isn't known until the number one assistant glances to the side, continues dusting, and promptly does a double-take. Feather duster in claw, he slowly wanders toward the mirror for a closer look.

"Uh, Twilight?" he calls behind him. "I thought you closed the portal after the last time we came back."

"Mm-hm." Twilight nods, her eyes still intently absorbing the information on the page she has open.

Spike leans close and sees an image of strange plants and flora. "Whoa... what is that? It doesn't look anything like Canterlot High."

"That's nice," comments Twilight, flipping the page.

Suddenly the image starts swirling around. The edges of the portal starts sucking with the sound of a vacuum cleaner. Spike yells, turns around, and tries to run. But his feet slide along the cold floor. Owloysius hoots in panic, not entirely sure what to do. The forceful wind lifts Spike off his feet. He even tries swimming against the air current, but to no avail.

"H-H-Help!" he screams as he falls headfirst into the portal.

Twilight snaps to attention, dropping the book from her magical grasp. She turns around at the scream and finally sees the trouble her assistant is in. She gallops forward quickly, hoping to grab him or at least be at his side. But as she makes a leap at the mirror, the swirling picture fades to nothing. Twilight smacks face-first into her own reflection in the glass. Even banging her hooves against the glass does nothing to the closed portal.

"Spike?!" she asks in panic. "Spiiiiiike!"

"Woo-hoo! That makes ninety-nine electric bugs on the wall!" hollers a small creature of orange fuzz. "Let's make it an even hundred!"

An unusual scream is followed by a sudden something crashing right into him. Both he and the would-be attacker fall onto their backs, groaning a little. The ottsel dusts himself off before he gets a good look at the purple lizard that flew in.

"Whew, never seen a bug quite like that before," he comments.

"Wha...? Huh?" the alleged lizard gets up on two legs and scratches his head in confusion at his new surroundings.

"And he's another big one," remarks the ottsel. He pulls out what looks like a small pitchfork with streams of electricity swimming between the prongs. "Well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall."

"Say what?!" Spike's eyes open wide. His grip on his feather duster suddenly tightens.

"FIGHT!"

Daxter quickly runs in and twirls around. His foot knocks the feather duster out of the dragon's claw before his bug swatter smacks the dragon across the side of the face. He then proceeds to swing his swatter at various angles, sending the poor thing back a step with each hit.

"Ow..." Spike puts his hands over his face. "What was that for?"

"Made of tougher stuff than most bugs I've come across," mutters Daxter. He pulls his sidearm over his shoulder. "Well, how about a little spray job?"

He pulls the small trigger and some fine mist sprays over Spike. He follows up his "gunshot" with a few flexible moves he learned from an as of yet unnamed kung fu movie. He even vocalizes the punching and kicking sound effects with every strike.

"Cut it out!" yells a frustrated Spike.

The dragon swats his claw forth and it smacks an unaware ottsel back a few inches. Daxter ends up colliding with a ventilated wall, and he quickly turns over to climb up its length. He jumps and points his Spray Gun straight down, allowing him to hover for a few seconds. Of course, once those few seconds are up, the pressurized, flight spray fizzles.

"Death from above!" Daxter whips out his electric bug swatter and performs several front flips on his way down.

Spike yelps out and runs out of the way, leaving Daxter to swat nothing but the grass on the ground. He turns around and makes a slight adjustment to his gun.

"Playing keep away, huh? Tell me if you've heard this tune!"

The Ultrasonic Attachment gives Daxter a sound wave projectile and it screams all the way to Spike. The dragon covers the fins on the sides of his head. He runs around in circles as Daxter continues to bombard him with more high-pitched squeals.

"And now for the fiery finish!"

Daxter twists his gun with the Flamethrower attachment. It shoots out a large jet of flames and surrounds the grass and Spike.

"There! One hundred bugs!"

The ottsel laughs... until the fire suddenly dances back around him and engulfs him, blocking him from the audience's view. He yelps and lets out a bunch of short screams. His fur is burning all over the place. As the camera pans back over, we can see Spike blowing out a huge breath of flames. The grass that was burning near him is currently nothing more than ashes. A small, fiery corpse drops to the dirt right where Daxter is supposed to be standing.

His weapons hit the dirt too with a strange sparking explosion, in a weird mirror-shaped portal. Spike falls through and finds himself back in the library, being hugged by a shaking Twilight Sparkle. He hugs back with tears flowing from his eyes.

"K... Oh! Burned!"

---Death Battle---

Somebody call the owners of the Oregon Trail wagons, because we're having fried ottsel tonight!

Daxter may have the advantage when it comes to combat experience. However, most of his personal weapons are meant for dealing with electric bugs, not dragons. Using the data from before, Spike's entire body could easily withstand the heat and force of Daxter's Flamethrower and Ultrasonic guns.

While the zaps from an electric bug swatter might have caused slight irritation, we've seen him take worse hits than that on several occasions, like a springboard trap in Castle-mania, several smacks in the head by a flying tortoise in Just For Sidekicks, and getting bonked on the head by a pony when he speaks out of turn in Hurricane Fluttershy and Twilight's Kingdom. Daxter's form of dealing punishment was just an ordinary Tuesday for the baby dragon.

And even if we let Daxter have access to his Dark Daxter powers, we would've had to allow Spike to bring his greedy form to the fight as well. The result would have been relatively the same... albeit with more fire.

Daxter just burned out in the end.

The winner is Spike.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

A strange glow sends several vehicles hurtling toward the dusty road.

"Give up!"

Author's Note

Was that too short? I really can't tell anymore.

Ch. 114: Season 3 Outtakes Reel #2

I'd recommend the "Dark" "Formatting" setting. Just a thought.

Properties belong to their respective owners.

---Death Battle---

---A.i. a.i. a.i. a.i. a.i.---

"Well done," says Celest-A.I. "You remained diligent... and... resolute in an environment of extreme pessimism."

"I honestly, truly didn't think you'd fall for that," retorts Yuki Nagato.

Celest-A.I. frowns. "The party is over... and all the cake is gone."

"It didn't matter to me." Nagato's expression remains the same. "I was in it for the science."

"Oh, I hate you!" The alicorn intelligence suddenly flashes in a red aura.

Nagato points a finger. "The best solution is usually the easiest."

---Serenading Scootaloo---

They tail a blue speed-demon as a sort of younger sibling, though sometimes they end up doing the teaching instead.

You know that they'll never give up trying to be awesome as they wanna be . ~Na na na na, boo boo. Na na na na, boo boo. Na na na na, boo boo. Awesome as they wanna be~

Pfft. Ha ha ha. B, what are you doing?

I don't know anymore. Ha ha, woo!

---Tangentially Forgetting Sombra---

... until he got sealed under the ice by the combined efforts of Princess Sunbutt and Moonbutt.

Actually, B, their names are Celestia and Luna.

Yeah, but it's more fun to say Object-butt. Like our intern is Starving-butt. King Sombrero is Cape-butt. You're Cyber-butt...

Okay. *mechanical noises grind* That does it.

*Whack!*

Ow!

How does that feel, Scattershot-butt?

---One of Ermac's souls is more sensitive than the rest---

A pegasus stallion flaps and hovers into this oddly red arena. The place is covered in stalagmites. At the edge against one wall, a column of green spirits spins around. They seem to notice the intruder's presence and circle around the room more erratically.

"You have disturbed our regeneration process."

Several of the green spirits gather at a single point. A shape grows out of their merging. It looks like a man clad in red and black. Onlookers could confuse him for a red Scorpion if it weren't for his glowing green eyes.

"D**n, you ugly," comments the pegasus.

"I am not!" Ermac runs out of the room, crying fervently.

"Hey, wait!" Dark Lightning flies after him. "I meant it in a pumped-up-before-you-fight kind of way. Come back!"

---Cool Story, Bro---

The Hero of Hyrule pulls out his bow and fires a volley of arrows. At the same time, the prince's horn lights up and a pink bubble of light surrounds him. The arrows bounce away harmlessly. Link's next two arrows carry a bluish tint. One of them leaves behind a layer of ice upon impact. But the second one bounces off... and hits Link in the head. What we're left with is a sculpture of ice with Link himself filling the mold.

Shining Armor notices this and lowers his shield. He gallops forth and fires a magic bolt. The frozen head explodes and the rest of the ice statue falls to pieces.

"Frosty!"

---Not Suitable For Watchers---

Wanna see me naked?

Wait, Deadpool! No!

Augh! My eyes! Why can't I claw them out faster? Ahhh...

That's nothing. Wanna see me scantily clad?

What? No, no, no, no, no! Discord! Stop!

AAAAAAAAAAAH! It burns even more than I usually do!

Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!

---Lightning Round phrases that didn't quite make it---

Domo Arigato!

Konichiwa!

Have some more turkey and pie.

Eat it!

May the Force be with you.

Yoda!

Insert generically cool announcer voice saying random words here.

Now!

You're going to destroy the world, father!

Flash!

---What's the name of that song?---

On Sonia's count, Manic and Sonic pick up their respective beats... or at least try to. As they play their instruments, some unusual notes emerge that shouldn't be feasible to play on a guitar, keyboard, and drums. Some crazy wind and dust blows through the entire diner. There is much coughing once the storm passes.

"Darude, not cool," mutters Manic.

---Galvatron, B. Galvatron---

From the G1 Transformers, heeeeeere's Johnny!

Then there's Nightmare Moon- Ugh, really? Did you have to make that reference?

Yes.

Cut!

---Lavender Lines---

"Here's how it's done!" declares Robin with a twinkle in his eye.

He slides across the screen, and sweeps his blade forth. A few seconds pass before a gush of red spurts from Twilight's side. She lets out a yell before collapsing on the ground.

"Checkers," says the swordsman... before realizing what word has just been spoken. "Wha...?" He facepalms. "Oh my goodness."

From the ground while dressed in the "bleeding injury" makeup, Twilight laughs at Robin's slip-up. The cameraman and other crew join in the chuckles as well.

"What was the line again?"

A/N: "Checkmate."

"Checkmate, right... 'Checkmate'. Okay, I can do this." He raises his arm in confidence. "One more time!"

---Celestia vs. Palutena?---

Pit takes aim and fires a light arrow. It bursts in the air when it meets one of Twilight's bolts. She teleports in close and tries bucking him. However, he spin-kicks her hooves in a well-timed parry. He spins his swords in front of him, knocking her back several paces. She flies up and shoots multiple magic bolts. He puts up his Orbitars, sending the attacks to bounce off into the ground instead.

A/N: Wait, what's going on? Where are Celestia and Palutena?

"You didn't think we'd be doing our own fighting, did you?"

A/N: But this isn't a fair fight. Everyone knows Twilight would kick Pit's butt in a full-out brawl to the death.

"He has a point," agrees Celestia.

"Well... uh... hmm... I guess you got me there."

---Chaos Coffee Break---

"So then I said, 'You don't have to call me Mr. De Lancie. 'My Liege' will work just as well'."

"Bah ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh ho ho ho ho!"

"Well, just the other day, I said something like, "They say TV makes you violent, but I think not having my TV is making me pretty d**n violent! Welcome to Epic Meal Time! Today we're cooking demigod!' "

"TAH ha ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

*A door opens up.*

John, Taka, what are you doing? We've already gotten started.

"What, already?"

"Sorry. We had some catching up to do."

But you guys just met.

"Exactly!"

"Precisely!"

---Room for one more?---

Luigi shuffles around his pockets a bit. He pulls out a mug and a giant coffee pot. He pours some of the steaming, dark liquid into the cup. He holds it out with a questioning hum.

"Oh... um... thank you," mutters Fluttershy, accepting the offered beverage.

Luigi pulls out another mug from the confines of his pockets, to pour some coffee for himself. Then, he stuffs the coffee pot back into whatever black hole dimension his pockets seem to lead to. He then sits down with his legs facing to the side. He gently blows across the top of his mug before taking a sip. He sighs contently.

Something taps him on the shoulder. He looks up with a questioning grunt. Charizard smiles and waves his little claws.

"Waaaaa!" Luigi screams.

"Aaaaaah!" Fluttershy joins with her own scream.

Both of them flee the scene. One of the half-full coffee mugs lands on Charizard's head. Coffee is spilled all over. The fire lizard's head droops as he silently cries.

---Kirbstomped? Not exactly---

A large ship slowly surges inland. One of the personnel in uniform hops off the ship onto the dock. A snazzy Ferrari makes a sharp turn and the rubber tires burn. The driver's door opens and out steps... a skinny dude with sunglasses. I'd say that this isn't your typical fight setting, but then I'd have to point out that there have been stranger circumstances in which combatants had to duke it out.

"FIGHT!"

Gabe calmly marches forth. A quiet military beat drums in the background to his pace. Meanwhile, Blake slowly pulls off his sunglasses and tosses them back into the car. He then-

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Quit it! Ow!"

He then gets used as a literal doormat as the Navy soldier marches all over his backside. Whose idea was this?

A/N: I have off days! Okay?

---Look, you're never going to get it right, so just stop---

It was the graveyard map for Team Hat Simulator 2.

Don't you mean Team Fortress 2?

That's what I said: Team Hat Simulator 2.

Team Fortress 2.

Mean Fart-Dress Poo.

Team Fortress 2.

Meme Generator Through.

Team Fortress 2.

Douche Re-creator Goo.

Team Fortress 2.

Fallout 3.

Team Fortress 2.

Half-Life: Source Mod.

Team Fortress 2.

*Eff* Your Mom 2.

*Powers up in anger* You take that back right now!

---That's My Bottle---

Blackjack's horn looks like it's bent at a very uncomfortable angle. Her growling isn't doing much to deter that conclusion. Meanwhile, Littlepip puts her screwdriver away. She slowly pulls out the trademarked revolver: Little Macintosh.

"Before you shoot, could you at least let me have one last beer?" pleads Blackjack.

"Hmm..." Littlepip raises her head in thought and levitates out a rather drab bottle. But the cyber-alicorn looks at it longingly.

"Do you want this beer?" asks Littlepip.

"I want it!" exclaims Blackjack.

"You want this beer?"

"I want it!"

"You want this beer?"

"I want it!"

"You want, you want?"

Blackjack growls. "I want that beer!"

---How to Correctly Wail in Pain---

Up above, the gryphon watches her opponent skeptically. She flies down just behind and above him. She then promptly shoves down on his back while slicing through his neck with her talons.

"Naaaaaar," groans Silver Quill. "Nope, that still doesn't sound like a real reaction to pain."

"Wait, wait, wait." Gilda shakes her talons in front of her. "What about... 'Ureee'?"

"Hmm, no." Quill shakes his head. "I was thinking more of a... 'Yaaaaaah'."

"What about-" A collapsing construct suddenly smacks the gryphon. "Ah-Ahhhh!"

"Dude! That was totally it!" The hippogryph smiles in excitement... right before one more construct shunts him to the side. "Ah-Ahhhh!"

---The Point, B's Head---

I disagree! There are three most important body parts a man needs to have: an arm, a shotgun for a leg, and a d-

It was theorized that a large enough supply of light eco could potentially reverse Daxter's transformation.

Don't interrupt me! I was talking!

B... we're acting out this commentary.

Well, I'd still feel a lot better if you didn't interrupt me. Hmph.

W facepalms.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I'm aiming to start the fourth "season" of TMNPWWF in July. Don't quote me on that.

Psychic Sewing

Advisory: This chapter is best viewed if the "Formatting" is set to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: I've lingered long enough. Let's make this a new "season".
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sega.

(Opinions expressed in this chapter do not necessarily represent those of these represented bodies nor those of the author. Viewer discretion is advised.)

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 1

Behold, door! I shall now open you with my mental mind prowess!

You know what's weirder than bending the laws of physics with nothing but the mind? Absolutely g**d**n nothing!

Rarity: The generous eye for the aesthetics.

Silver: Everyone's least favorite talking hedgehog. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Rarity
-Unicorn
-Height: About 2'; Weight: ??
-Unicorn magic, can levitate several objects of varying sizes at once
-Special talent: Finding gems hidden beneath layers of rock
-Affinity: Fashion
-Spirit of the Element of Generosity
-Rudimentary understanding of martial arts
-Voiced by Tabitha St. Germain and Kazumi Evans

"You would look rather dapper in a tuxedo."

When she isn't helping stop Equestria's newest evil or helping spread the latest bit of gossip, Rarity can usually be found in her Carousel Boutique at one side of Ponyville.

Or fawning over some guy that the audience was introduced to out of nowhere.

But before she became the Bearer of Generosity, she was once an innocent young filly, hoping to become a successful fashion pony. Unsatisfied with reaching just the acceptable, Rarity constantly pushed herself to make her dresses jaw-droppingly amazing.

She was just about ready to give up, when her time of the month came around.

What?

I mean, her horn was obviously throbbing to go somewhere.

*sigh* No, it wasn't doing... that. It was just experiencing an unusual magical surge, eventually leading her to discover her talent for finding gems buried deep beneath the surface of a rock. She then used the jewels she discovered to make her designs dazzle her peers.

What the heck? Did she stuff a bunch of randomly colored rocks into a piece of cake costume? If anything, it looked less appetizing than it did before.

Certain questionable arrangements aside, she seems to be getting a fair amount of income despite being in a town with minimal to no clothing. This could be equated to how the gems she finds can apparently be used as currency in various locations such as Manehattan, a train, a donation box, and even a high-powered, high-tech pet hairdryer.

Getting rich quick is a pretty neat super power. One day, I will find a way to make it mine.

Being a unicorn pony grants Rarity access to manipulating magic externally. The most common spell in this case is levitation. While many unicorns can lift one or two objects with their mind without trouble, Rarity can control several different objects of decorative and fashionable variety all at once.

Holy crap! That is awesome!

However, there is a drawback. Manipulation of multiple objects heavier than ribbons and scissors requires much of her concentration. A slight bump against another pony can send everything in her telekinetic hold toppling down all around her.

But when her magic isn't quite enough, she's more than willing to throw a few kicks with her best imitation of kung fu. Do not underestimate this prissy pony just because she is a lady.

"It's all simply divine!"

---Death Battle---

Silver
-Anthro hedgehog
-Height: 3'3"; Weight: 77 lb
-Psychokinesis, can lift several large vehicles the size of semi-trucks, and can bend them all into one giant sphere or battering ram
-Other moves include Gravity Kick, Psycho Shock, Psycho Knife
-Durable and fast
-Highly acrobatic, enhanced jump, and quick reflexes
-Commonly allied with Blaze the Cat
-Currently voiced by Axel... I mean Quinton Flynn

"I'll give it everything I've got."

Silver the Hedgehog spent the majority of his life thwarting the destruction of the beast known as Iblis. He is from the future, 200 years after the events in most of the Sonic franchise.

Or at least he was until the '06 game pretty much retconned its own events. Now, he's just from some distant future minus the fiery monster. Come to think of it, how the hell does he still exist because of how changing the past pretty much destroys everything as we knew it in the future?

You've seen BlazBlue and you still question continuity of origin stories?

I guess you have a point.

What stands out about Silver is-

His weed-shaped hairstyle!

... the ability to control objects separate from himself with his mind. This psychokinesis is largely encompassing and can lift several objects simultaneously, even semi-trucks. With enough concentration, he can actually stop and rebound incoming bullets.

But he doesn't just swing around trucks and bullets. He can amplify these mind-powers into more focused attacks like the painful Gravity Kick, the forceful Psycho Shock that can knock someone into a wall several feet away, and the Psycho Knife that can cut through metal and rock.

Silver's psychokinesis is even precise enough to allow him to glide as fast as Sonic can run.

Even without the psychic powers, Silver can jump pretty dang high, endure boulder-crushing impacts, and has the reflexes to match somebody his size in hand-to-hand combat.

Silver has been shown to be able to use Chaos Control when in possession of a Chaos Emerald. Unlike Sonic and Shadow, however, he cannot use the seven Emeralds to access his super form directly and requires their assistance to tap into his full potential.

But that's okay. He doesn't need their help to decimate Katamari records and win the Vancouver Winter Olympics in figure skating! Don't mess with this hedgehog's dream of an absolution.

"I am not to be trifled with."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

We arrive at a spruced up building that resembles a tall merry-go-round. Zooming in further gives the audience an inside view of the location. There's a unicorn mare hard at work and completely focused on her sewing machine. She hums a rather familiar tune, almost like an introduction to a cartoon or something.

Several feet behind her, a small orb of light appears out of thin air and grows. A figure hops out and the light fades. This creature looks anthropomorphic, and a bit angry for some reason. He looks left and right at the new surroundings. When he sees the unicorn, his eyes go wide.

The dark unicorn cackles while her long purple mane flaps against the wind. Several sewing machines churn out just as many articles of clothing. Each of these fabricated items marches around, causing havoc upon the world wherever they go. When a few survivors try fighting back, some of the clothes whip around in twisted ways before suffocating the living. The remainder of the warriors become beautifully dressed zombies, groaning as they obey the dark equine's command.

The hedgehog holds out his glove and cries out against this terrible sight.

I've finally found her, thinks the newcomer as he clenches his hands into fists. It's the Nightmare trigger. To save the future, her menacing machinations cannot be realized.

Several blue rings of light flow through into his fist. He swings his hand forth as a wave of that same color of light rushes in front of him. At that very moment, the unicorn bends over to pick up her measuring tape. The anthro hedgehog's wave cuts clean through the sewing machine as well as a good portion of the wall.

The slicing sound is enough to interrupt the unicorn's concentration as she looks up and sees the destruction of one of her most prized possessions. She lets out a short scream before turning around. Her work glasses fall off her muzzle.

"Who... What are you?" She eyes him in horror from top to bottom. "And what in Equestria is with those tacky shoes?"

Some of the lines along the hedgehog's body glow brightly, as do his eyes.

"Now see here, whatever you are!" The unicorn stomps her hoof. Her face is scrunched up. "I do not take kindly to strangers destroying my personal property. Will you apologize and make things right?"

"As long as you exist, the future is in peril," says the hedgehog flatly. "I will stop you here and now."

"FIGHT!"

Silver holds up his hand. Three orbs of light blue light appear above him. After a flick of his wrist, the orbs shoot forth one after the other. Rarity hops out of the way as each one causes some damage to her boutique's floor. Needless to say, she isn't happy with this brute's behavior.

"You wish to do this the hard way?" she asks as her horn lights up. Several of her fabrics and spools of thread float off the shelves as she declares, "Then, we shall do this the hard way!"

With a grunt, Silver hops on top of one of the incoming rolls of fabric. He runs across its length and jumps to the next floating roll. He then hops across three more. A few threads in Rarity's blue aura spin around the hedgehog and strap his arms against his sides. However, a bit of his focused psychokinesis sends the threads outward and away.

Rarity attempts to use this distraction to levitate several of her sewing needles into the fray. They glisten as they reflect her ceiling light before flying in at breakneck speeds. But Silver is already spreading his arms wide. The needles get caught in conflicting auras before they slowly spin around in the opposite direction. A clap of his hands sends them all toward the startled pony. She jumps out of the way just in time for one of her mannequins to become a new pin cushion.

The hedgehog is not yet done. Opening a palm facing up, his power raises Rarity off her hooves and floats her around the room. She lets out a yelp as he sends her crashing through her own window. With the new opening made, Silver leaps out after her. Upon landing on his feet, he gasps and opens his eyes wide. Where there is supposed to be a peaceful town, the audience now gets a good look at this odd blend of ruptured buildings and a highway littered with worn-out cars.

"Oh no, the future's damage is already starting." Silver grits his teeth. "I need to work faster." He closes his mouth and glances back slightly. Is now the time to use it?

A few feet away on a patch of the dirt road, Rarity stands up and shakes herself off. She holds her head slightly just as her horn starts glowing on its own. She looks surprised as her head lowers. Her horn seems to be pointing at... the creature.

"Wait a moment..." she mutters as she tries focusing on something right behind that.

A light blue jewel floats out of the hedgehog's quills. "What?" The object flies ahead of him. He tries to grab it, but falls short just as it passes by. "No!"

Rarity holds the gem in her aura close to her face. Her gaze sparkles, showing a wondrous fondness for it. "This is... most interesting. It seems to have an emerald's cut. Yet, there's something... more in here."

"Give that back!" Silver shouts. I need that Chaos Emerald to get back home.

The unicorn looks up, and squints at the hedgehog. "You know... you still owe me compensation for a sewing machine, and this gem seems very important to you. What would you say to me destroying this gem and calling it even?"

"What would you say to me destroying your friend and calling it even for your treason?" asked the Nightmare before squeezing the breath out of a pretty and hypnotized cat. There was a crack as the spine was forcibly snapped in half.

"Blaze! No!" shouted a horrified Silver.

No! Silver's power is practically radiating through his fur now. I won't let Blaze's sacrifice be in vain!

He floats forth, practically making a sonic boom, and slams into Rarity. He lifts himself up a bit before slamming his foot down against her. The Chaos Emerald gets flung to the side, out of her sight and mind. After sliding back, she growls at her high pitch. In a quick motion, she throws the weight of her hooves around against the hedgehog. He doesn't flinch as his arms and legs block and strike against all four of her legs.

Silver jumps up a bit and delivers a roundhouse kick to the back of Rarity's head. In position, he floats up and uses the power in his hands to lift up the debris behind him. The pieces of old cars and trucks pile together. It now looks like an indistinguishable mess of metal parts. The metal ball slowly grows bigger and bigger before psychically rolling over the enemy.

The ball rolls around several times. It stops when it slams into and topples the Carousel Boutique. The unicorn's tail and cutie mark can be seen on the stationary side facing away from the boutique. Silver swings his arm out in front of himself three different times at three different angles. These Psycho Knives cut through Silver's metal weapon and the pony stuck in it. A bit of her blood squirts out before all of the parts fall to the ground in an unrecognizable heap.

Silver softly drops to the ground. He walks over and picks up his Chaos Emerald. The debris seems to disappear as the town more or less returns to its peaceful self.

"I am Silver the Hedgehog. Commit it to memory."

"K.O.!"

A flash of light signals the Chaos Control teleportation as Silver vanishes from the field.

---Death Battle---

It's no use! Take this!

Rarity is no pushover. That much is true. But the ability to catch your opponent off guard will only get you so far.

Silver is no stranger to sneaky backstabbers. His ability to see through Eggman Nega's disguise in the Sonic Rivals series is a clear indicator of that. His ability to control things with his mind was able to match and surpass anything Rarity could throw at him.

While Rarity may be able to keep up with Silver's style of close-quarters combat, she could not match his ability to move at a pace that surpasses the speed of sound, not to mention his incredible endurance. There was a point in Sonic Generations where a giant mess of vehicles rolled on top of him and he survived to cheer on Sonic against the final boss.

Poor Rarity. This victory kind of rolled over her.

The winner is Silver the Hedgehog.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"They were killers, all of them! And you have the gall to condemn what I've done... you and your bloodthirsty race!"

Author's Note

Will this work as an appropriate finisher for June?

Lightning Round: For Your Viewing (Dis)Pleasure

The "Formatting" can be set to whatever suits you, as long as you can have an adequate or better reading experience.

Properties belong to their respective owners.

Four Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without boring analysis.

Eight fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lighting Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

(Devil May Cry vs. Twilight's Kingdom)

---Dante vs. Tirek---

The camera pans down upon a mess of white hair. It slowly looks over a red coat and a giant sword on the back. This man is apparently enjoying a leisurely walk. He looks like he's relaxed and smiling. A nearby explosion only draws a curious glance over his shoulder.

Visually, the screen turns slightly to see what he sees. Some nearby forest area and buildings are getting blown up by an over-sized centaur. The man chuckles at the creatures giant horns that are clearly compensating for something. The red giant growls turns around to look at the small man. This only draws a more hearty chuckle. The man hops in place from side to side while holding his fists up.

Be tough, or be dead.

Strike!

Tirek concentrates an orange orb in between his horns before firing it at the ground. Dante dodge rolls to his right. The Tartarus escapee tries that particular attack again, only for Dante to step lively to his left.

Furious, Tirek slams both of his fists into the ground. The resulting earthquake causes a number of rocks to rise up and contort in several stalagmite and mountain formations. Though, the half-demon seems to be taking it in stride by running and leaping across all of the rocks that come his way.

Tirek switches up his attack by picking up some of the burning trees and chucking them at this nuisance. There's a bit of a slow-motion blur as the first tree approaches Dante. In a fluid arc, Dante swings his sword out and slices straight through the middle of the tree. He then proceeds to jump and slash through the rest of the incoming logs. He seems to pause up high in the air for dramatic effect before taking a downward swing directly at his foe.

Something catches Dante mid-strike. He grunts in confusion before looking himself over. An orange glow is radiating around him. That same glow is around Tirek's fist as he spins Dante around like a discus throw. Dante yells out as he's sent flying into the ground, bouncing and skidding over several feet.

Taking a few breaths, Dante slowly rises onto his feet. He seems to be letting out a beastly growl. Soon, the animal side becomes a bit less metaphorical as his face is suddenly covered in a unique black-patterned mask. At the same time, a fierce red aura surges all around him. The half-demon sprints forward at breakneck speeds.

Soon, Dante is running around all over the place. With each pass he makes, he swings his sword at the centaur's legs. After countless strikes, Tirek literally falls to his knees. He tries pounding the ground again. However, this seems to have a trampoline effect, sending Dante straight onto the centaur's lower back.

There's a brief twinkle as the half-demon whips out two pistols and twirls them around his currently clawed hands. He fires several shots at the centaurs head, letting not one second pass without firing his next shot. He spins around once before firing both of his pistols one last time. The resulting headshot sends a mess of blood and both of Tirek's horns flying in different directions.

With its work finished, the Devil Trigger fades to reveal Dante's default human-esque form. He spins his pistols around a bit more before holstering them.

Headshot!

The winner of this round is... Dante!

(Tara Strong vs. Tara Strong)

---Raven vs. Twilight Sparkle---

The arena this time seems to be a default city street. Clouds are scattered throughout the sky. A strange shadow emerges from the center of the street. Its "wings" fold back to reveal a young woman in a hooded robe. Some feet in front of her, a magenta bubble of light pops. A lavender pony with wings and a horn blinks a couple of times.

"You shouldn't be here," warns the girl.

"Okay, I'm sorry!" exclaims the pony.

"They can't find out we're twins."

May the Strongest combatant win.

Fight!

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

A few cars and trash cans float up in a shadowy aura. They fly forth at Raven's command. Twilight retorts with her magic aura. The incoming projectiles are quickly surrounded by the alicorn's magic and curve around to the side. As the street gets littered with car parts and old banana peels, Twilight concentrates her magic on a slightly larger target. A pickup truck flies over her head, hurtling toward her foe.

Raven's eyes glow in white as a small dark circle forms around her hand. She swings that hand diagonally. Somehow, this causes the incoming truck to split in half and explode on either side of the road behind her. She levitates above the ground and moves forward. A flap of wings allows Twilight to respond with a similar motion.

In an unexpected choice, both combatants start kicking at each other. Sounds of colliding feet and grunts fill the street air. After a while, they attempt to grab each other with their respective mind powers. Twilight gets flung back in a shadowy aura while Raven is sent head-first in a magenta light. They both collide into buildings on either side of the street.

Clenching her teeth, Twilight tries shooting a beam of magic at her opponent. However, Raven holds out her hands and creates a shield composed of nothing but her darkness. The beam bounces off and upward. Dispelling this barrier, she clenches her fist. Some of the bricks on Twilight's building start hovering in a shadowy aura before racing to the pony's position. Twilight switches spells to a magic force field, blocks the bricks, and then pushes those bricks away.

The combatants stand on opposite sidewalks to catch their breaths. Raven suddenly phases into the ground. Twilight looks around wildly, trying to pinpoint her enemy's position. Something rises up out of her own shadow and seems to pour itself into her body. She yelps out and grunts against some unseen pain.

"I control your body now," mutters Raven's voice.

Twilight grits her teeth as two smoky shades flow out of her eyes. "No... you... don't!"

Twilight's eyes burn brightly. In a flash, Raven pops out with her head closer to the ground than her feet. With a fiery rage, Twilight throws all of her power into one more magic beam. This time, the attack eclipses Raven completely in a blinding light. A pile of ashes forms in the middle of the street.

Twilight pants. "This is exactly why I hate dark magic."

K.O.!

This round's victory goes to... Twilight Sparkle!

(Mortal Kombat vs. The Analysis Community)

---Kitana vs. Eliyora---

Puddles splash as the next combatants enter a rainforest arena. An outfit clicks onto one as the other one opens her blue fan-blade. Neither of them looks too pleased to be here today.

"Do you seek to challenge me?" asks the princess with the fans.

"You won't like me when I'm angry," says the brown pony, letting a little bit of her weapon flicker in warning.

The first combatant holds her fan to the side. "I don't like you right now."

This will be a heated match.

Engage!

Kitana swings her arms out behind her. The resulting wind is somehow strong enough to launch her forward and fly. With a twirl of her whole body, she flings one of her fans. It spins around, snags the unicorn's shoulder, and draws a trickle of blood before flying around and returning to the woman's hand.

Eliyora's eyes glow red. She points her flamethrower and shoots a long stream. However, the Edenian quickly sidesteps out of the way. She dodges the next couple of fiery streams with precise timing and what looks like gymnastic flips. Eli floats out a shotgun for a bit of chip damage. While it is successful in drawing a yelp from Kitana, it is far from enough to prevent her from running around.

The Edenian waves her fans out in front of her, creating a small-scale tornado. The unicorn pyro is flung off her hooves and helplessly hovers in midair. Kitana opens her fan blade and uses it as the extended edge of an uppercut. Eliyora tumbles along the puddles.

"Get up!" demands the princess.

What Kitana does not see is a small gun levitating behind her. Magically, the trigger is pulled and a small, blue ball flies out. When it latches onto her, she suddenly ignites all over in flames. She cries out as she stands their in agonizing pain.

Eliyora jumps up and nearly presses her flamethrower against her opponent. She pulls the trigger one more time to set all of Kitana on fire at once. Flesh bubbles and melts as an Edenian skeleton falls to its knees.

Fatality!

This round's victory goes to... Eliyora!

(Skullgirls vs. Power Ponies)

---Filia vs. Mane-iac---

This place is rather dark. Faint outlines show that something is in this large room, but it's difficult to determine what any of it is. Some shapes shuffles around. There is a sound akin to a wrench cranking. Suddenly, the lights turn on. A couple of exclamation points pop over the heads of the very hairy competitors.

On the left is what appears to be a green mess reaching out everywhere from the head of a flashy, costumed pony. Her eyes don't exactly make her look any less crazy. The right side of the screen holds a bit more subdued girl, but with no less ridiculous hair.

"I heard somebody diss me!" yells a man's voice from within the hair.

...

W-W-Wait, can it... hear me?

"I'm going to kill that insulting voice!" One of the follicles curls into a makeshift fist. "Nobody calls me ridiculous!"

Eeeep!

"Samson, focus," says the girl wearing the hair. "We have an enemy right in front of us."

"Grrr... fine." The follicle settles down.

Whew.

The pony villain cackles like crazy as something in her laboratory sparks artificial lightning. Calling her insane is probably being a little too generous. Heck, even as I narrate this, she's rambling on and monologuing about how this strange new hero can't possibly stop her since the Power Ponies aren't here.

"Can I break this horse now?" asks Samson.

"Please do," says the girl with a nod.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's...

Showtime!

Three strands of Mane-iac's green mane stretch out. There's a bit of a muffled noise as Filia holds up her hands and blocks the strikes enough to be chipping damage. A couple other green hairs lash to the sides. They pull some random pipes from around the arena and chuck them at the enemy. The impacts send Filia sliding along the floor.

"Hairball!" shouts Samson.

The possessed hair suddenly stretches out and surrounds the girl. It curls up and spins forth, almost exactly like a certain hedgehog's Spin Dash attack. The speed at which the hairball smacks into Mane-iac doesn't help the argument of originality. After the initial strike, the hairball allows the girl back into the open. She eagerly uses this breathing space to quickly kick-combo against the enemy in front of her.

Mane-iac does flinch and grunt at the impacts. However, her insane smile does not leave her face. She starts whacking with her various strands of hair to block and match the speedy attacks from both Filia and Samson.

One strand of green stays out of the primary conflict. It reaches off several feet behind Mane-iac while the enemy's attention is elsewhere. As soon a Filia takes a leap toward her, a huge spray can is pulled out and expels a giant mist of light purplish mist. Once the mist clears, the girl falls straight to the ground, frozen in her leaping pose.

The spray can is discarded as all of the villain's mane hairs rush out and wrap around Filia. There is a lot of rubbery noise that can be heard as the mane slowly twists and turns. Finally after a few seconds, there is the sound of a joint completely snapping. X-ray imaging shows fractures in Filia's neck, back, and knees. After that, she's dropped to the ground, unmoving.

Mane-iac's mane shakes around wildly as she laughs maniacally.

And Cut!

The winner of this round is... Mane-iac.

Author's Note

Let's sate that violent appetite, hmm?

A Lord for a Lord

Advisory: The "Formatting" should be set to "Dark" for best viewing. Thank you.

A/N: Often imitated, accused of being duplicated (multiple times), is there any wonder why Dragon Ball Z gets so much attention?

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 2

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

Others want to blow the whole thing up into space dust.

Can the one that utilizes powers similar to overly charged energy blasts overcome the original? We have Lord Tirek, the centaur that escaped from Tartarus.

... and Lord Frieza, confusing gender observers everywhere with his voice. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Lord Tirek
-Species: Centaur
-Ability: Devours magic of the unicorns, the flying ability of pegasi, and the strength/internal magic of earth ponies
-When strong enough, can even absorb draconequus and alicorn magic
-Tall enough to eclipse an entire city
-Can clear out forests, destroy mountains, and rupture the very earth itself
-Cannot utilize any of the talents that he steals
-Seems to grow stupider the more power he obtains; relying more on brute force than strategy
-Is a brittle, old man without magic

"Is he friend or is he foe?"

Over a thousand years in Equestria's past...

Gosh dang it! Not again!

The brothers Scorpan and Tirek trekked in from a faraway land, intent on conquering the lands. However, Scorpan soon came to enjoy the company of the local ponies and even befriended Starswirl the Bearded.

Scorpan tried to press the "Abort" button, but Tirek was having none of that. So, Scorpan convinced the two pony princesses to drain Tirek's power and seal him away in Tartarus... which is guarded by a Cerberus. Is that supposed to be Hell?

After an incident in which Cerberus left, Tirek escaped the pits of Tartarus and wandered around in hiding. Slowly, he regained his lost strength, feeding upon the magic of ponies in alleyways and removing the talents that went with them. Over a year passed before his return was realized in the Princesses' vision.

D**n! That guy is in some serious need of sunscreen.

Once he gained enough magic, Tirek then moved on to steal flight from pegasi and the strength and agricultural talents of earth ponies. Even after being tricked by the princesses, he still managed to steal magic from a draconequus, and eventually the fourth alicorn princess herself.

You might think that having all of those talents in one body is pretty darn cool. But don't get too excited. He can't actually use all of the individual special talents of all the marks he's erased. In fact, most of that magic just seems to fuel his already overpowered ability to drain magic, shoot power beams, and disfigure solid rock and mountains.

He also has a slight bit of telekinesis in his hand, though it requires rotational motion before actually throwing anything. While he certainly is a powerful being, he tends to trade in his intellect for that power. He couldn't even recognize when the Tree of Harmony itself granted power strong enough for his enemies to send him all the way back to Tartarus, and redistribute his power back to their proper owners.

If Deus Ex Machinas are all this guy has to worry about, I can't wait to see his opponent.

"You're going to give me what I want!"

---Death Battle---

Lord Frieza
-Species: Frost Demon(?), the "Frieza Race"
-Diet: Shellfish, wine, meat
-Three transformations that each increase his overall power output
-Blew up Planet Vegeta in his first form
-Has slaughtered billions and claimed the survivors as his minions
-Can use a small portion of his power to blow up a person from the inside out
-Cannot sense the energy in other beings
-Constantly overestimates his own abilities and underestimates his enemies

"There's no need to chase after the bee anymore. I've decided to go straight for the hive."

Son Goku is a breaker of limits and doer of the impossible. He can bench-press a continent, transmit himself instantly, and survive a world-destroying bomb.

To combat with such a rare breed of martial artist requires some pretty heavy-hitting enemies. One of the biggest villains to start out with was Fry-za!

A clip plays, "Actually, it's pronounced Lord Free-za."

Really? Then why is there an "i" in it?

The clip seems to respond, "There isn't."

Huh. Think we can fix that?

Too late. As the younger son of King Cold, Frieza had a lot to prove to himself and his father. One of these things was the ability to destroy and/or conquer any planet he came across.

The list that he conquered happened to include the Planet Vegeta, birthplace to all of our Saiyan bad*ss*s.

While many of the Saiyans were fine with helping their lord kill inhabitants of other planets, a legend foretold of a golden beast known as the Super Saiyan that would overcome Frieza's tyranny and destroy him. To avoid this, he set his sights on destroying Vegeta directly, thereby ridding himself of any potential traitors.

Except... Frieza missed a lone pod with the sole surviving Saiyan... and the ship with that Saiyan's older brother... and the ships of Prince Vegeta and Nappa. Huh... Frieza isn't exactly the all-seeing god that he proclaims to be.

He's also not proficient in sensing energy of others. Still, that doesn't prevent him from utilizing ki in a variety of energy based attacks. Unlike several of his enemies, Frieza only needs to point a single finger to shoot a destructive ki beam. He can also withstand more physical force than most of his enemies are capable of dishing out.

He can conjure a burst of energy capable of sinking into a planet's surface and basically destroying the entire thing. That's a *ess*load of megatons of force right there.

When he desires to show off more of his power, Frieza can build up as many as three different transformations that each increase his overall power.

According to him, his second form alone has a power level over one million!

Sadly, we can't really use that to determine how strong he is. Remember, power levels were introduced as a means for the Dragon Ball Z enemies to underestimate their opponents and constantly be surprised when they're overpowered.

Yeah, well... anyone that can copy the Destructo Disk, blow up a person from within using telekinesis, and force Goku to become a Super Saiyan just to match him at his maximum has got some serious strength, speed, and endurance to contend with.

No argument there.

"I am the Emperor of the Universe! The likes of you are only fit to grovel at my feet! ... or better yet to die... in disgrace... at the hands of your master!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Right away, there's an explosion on the screen in the middle of a city. Another explosion soon follows it on the left side of the screen. The middle area explodes too. Oddly enough, the three-dimensional skyscrapers aren't all crashing at rates consistent with the blasts. In fact, some of them seem to be unmovable.

That doesn't stop a purple and gray figure from making loud noises as he walks. A tail waves fluidly behind him. He points his finger at a random pony. Said pony lets out a deafening scream, only to be silenced as it falls over. The walking figure points his opposite hand. A different pony on screen experiences spontaneous combustion. The remaining ponies gallop around in circles, screaming all the way. The figure's purple lips smirk.

Meanwhile in a neighboring city, a large red guy has his mouth wide open. All of the ponies nearby are trapped in place. This is because large orange streams have them surrounded. All of their magic, flight, and internal talents are being sucked right out of them. The red guy grows steadily larger. His shadow stretches almost across the entire city.

The first figure hums in confusion as he turns around. His face quickly changes from menacing glee to surprised frustration. He flies up and hangs in the air several feet away from the second figure's face. The streams slow down to nothing as the red guy looks at the small creature with a lizard's tail in front of him.

"Do you mind?" asks the centaur in a rumbling tone. "I'm a little busy taking over Equestria here."

"Oh ha ha ha, that is cute," admits the frost demon. "But if anyone is going to be conquering this planet, it sure as hell isn't going to be a red, half-monkey such as you."

"And what are you going to do?" The centaur raises his eyebrow. "You're talking to Lord Tirek. My power is unstoppable."

"Well, look at this." The frost demon holds up a hand in a manner that would be censored on television. "This is exactly how many *effs* I have to give. The only "lord" around here is me, Lord Frieza!"

"FIGHT!"

Tirek opens his mouth and breathes in deeply. He stops and opens his eyes. He tries taking in a more audible breath. Still, nothing happens of remote consequence. He growls at his failing attempts.

"How are you flying if not for magic?" he demands.

"Oh, you are very amusing." Frieza holds up a finger and wags it in a 'tsk-tsk' motion. "As if I actually had to fly. The rest of the universe simply moves to where I want it to be."

Unamused, Tirek holds out his fist in front of himself. A slightly different shade of orange surrounds the frost demon.

"Huh?" grunts Frieza. "What the-AAAAAAAH!"

Tirek spins around once before sending Frieza flying. The Dragon Ball villain crashes through a nearby skyscraper. The entire building crumbles down, sending shattered glass everywhere. Amidst the destruction, Frieza quickly flies back around and growls in irritation.

Frieza's retort comes in the form of a speedy, camera-shaking punch. This punch forces Tirek's head to sharply turn. The centaur slides along the ground and ends up falling down. His rear lands on top of the ponies he recently sucked dry. Frieza quickly blurs through the air and kicks Tirek in the back of the head. This time, Tirek lands on his chest before sliding headfirst into a building.

The frost demon follows up by pointing his finger forth. Several ki beams fly out in slightly curved paths. These beams bash against Tirek's backside. Roaring, he turns around and stands up. An orb of crimson and orange builds between his horns. Immediately after, it gets released as a huge magic beam.

In response, Frieza opens up his palm and sends a huge power beam of his own. The attacks collide, build up against each other, and eventually explode outward. This forces both of the combatants to halt their respective attacks and brace themselves against the force of the explosion. The light fades as the camera gets a good look at the city's wreckage and the two beings responsible for it.

"You know, I'm not as amused as when this whole charade started." Frieza crosses his arms.

"It appears we are at an impasse." Tirek mirrors the motion with his own arms.

"Haven't heard that one in a while," admits Frieza. "Five."

Tirek stares at him blankly. "What?"

Frieza starts a slow ascent. "Oh, you're not going to be around long enough to comprehend it anyway." He holds his index finger straight up. "No matter how big the monkey is, it cannot breathe in space. Considering you're only half-monkey, that cuts your chances of surviving this planet's destruction in half."

"You're going to what?" Tirek opens his arms back up and clenches his fists.

The frost demon simply laughs as a small, dark orb forms above his finger. This orb steadily grows larger and larger. Eventually, it's big enough to block out the view of the sun. With a swish of his arm, the orb starts heading toward Equestria.

Growling before roaring, Tirek concentrates as much magic as he can between his horns. He also holds up his giant red fists. He leaps into the air about as high as he is tall. The magic force in his hands weeds its way through the planet burst ball. This is quickly followed by the concentration and blast of the magic between his horns. The center of Frieza's burst breaks down the middle, blowing it up prematurely.

"What?!" Frieza exclaims just in time for the rest of Tirek's beam to collide with him. "YAAAAAAAAH!"

Caught in the main portion of the blast, Frieza is sent spiraling head over foot claw. After a few seconds, the magic beam brings him straight into the sun's surface. The combination of magic and extreme heat causes Frieza to scream in agony before his bodily essentially disintegrates.

Tirek sighs. "Now... where was I? Oh yeah."

He turns around and fires some beams at the few surviving ponies. Their screams fill the air as he continues his rampage.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Oh, come on! Can't any of the Dragon Ball Z cast win a stinking fight? This is getting sad.

Well, yes. Overall, Frieza has much more destructive potential and can survive the vacuum of space. Not to mention, he had the speed advantage in his final form. However, he also treats battling as a last resort, usually telling his minions what to kill. Besides, his attacks have fallen apart before and even missed their intended target when he's frustrated and unfocused. Plus, the Dragon Ball Z characters don't have a good track record when it comes to resisting magic attacks.

Frieza's power is ki-based, not magic. So it's no surprise that Tirek wouldn't be able to absorb it. What he can do, however, is beat the crap out of his enemies with his existing magic, especially when he's all charged up. Not only can he tank a mountain's worth of debris falling on top of him, he can dish out the pain with his overwhelming magic and strength.

As magic can sometimes override the will of ki warriors, their attacks are just as susceptible. While Tirek's attacks tend to be widespread, they seem a bit more focused and centered than Frieza who focuses solely on the size and volume of his planet burst attacks.

I hate to admit it, but... Frieza really dropped the ball on that one.

The winner is Lord Tirek.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Ha-cha!" A pink dress explodes down at the bottom.

Author's Note

Can't recall exactly who suggested this one, but thanks anyway.

Side Battle: Speedy Cyborgs

Advisory: For optimal viewing, please set "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: I suppose that they could also be called androids... or robots.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and The Inverted Shadow.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Side Episode 1

For all the talk about the future being now, what's going to be left in the years to come?

Once wars have been waged and mankind or pony kind ultimately dwindle their numbers, the final battle will be waged with the soldiers of the future.

Androids!

Actually, the technical term for them is cyborgs.

Potato, tomato.

We have Metal Sonic, Eggman's allegedly superior version of Sonic the Hedgehog.

And Rainbine, some insane fellow's illegitimate love-child of Rainbow Dash and a mechanical scout.

He's F and I'm N, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Metal Sonic
-Created by Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik
-Often rebels against his creator
-Spin Dash, Black Shield, and Chest Laser
-Can reach Sonic's top speed in less than a second
-Has a scanner that can copy the powers of any weapon he sees in action
-Has suffered defeats to Sonic despite his claim of being "the real Sonic"
-Gains strength from a Chaos Emerald

For many years, Dr. Robotnik has tried to take over the world by turning all of the woodland critters into robots.

But time and time again, his plans have been thwarted and his machines have been torn apart by his pesky arch-nemesis: Sonic the Hedgehog.

This was mostly due to Sonic's natural-born speed, quickly finding and exploiting the weaknesses of much more powerful machines.

It's what you'd get if Link were to drink ten espressos.

In order to combat this fast foe, Eggman set to work on the most advanced machine he ever created: Hyper Metal Sonic.

Metal Sonic can easily reach Mach 5 speeds and can use Sonic's Spin Dash and Homing Attacks. He's also added the Black Shield, flight, and a chest laser to his arsenal.

That's not all. With some convoluted resource, Eggman somehow gave Metal the ability to scan and copy any number of abilities that he sees.

When he's gained enough power, he can pull an imitation of Perfect Cell by growing bigger and uglier.

Unfortunately for Eggman, too much of said power can turn Metal Sonic against his master. He's even been shown to aid the good guys every once in a while, such as when he helped Shadow bring down Eggman Nega.

Despite becoming an anti-hero, Metal never did successfully defeat the original Sonic. Not to mention, enough damage can strip Metal of all his copied power down to his default abilities. But don't think that makes him an easy kill. He has plenty of ways to fight the fastest of the fast and the toughest of the tough.

In lieu of a quote, Metal Sonic releases a bunch of robotic noises that imitate chuckling.

---Death Battle---

Rainbine
-Species: Cyborg (formerly a Pegasus pony)
-Faction: The Elements of Insanity; Spirit: The Element of Loyalty
-Can reach speeds that match her former self
-Has sonic hearing that can sense invisible enemies
-Grenade launcher, electric cannon, scatter-shot, and a single liquid nitrogen canister
-Weapons all sound like a shotgun when reloading
-Easily ticked off
-White Super Form Overdrive (only kicks in after taking severe damage)

In the inverted universe, Rainbow Dash used to be her usual self. She was fast, confident, and a bit short-sighted, but she always cared about her friends. So, she tried exploring a cemetery alongside Twilight Sparkle to try and find some missing friends.

But... it turned out that those missing friends up and got possessed by some weird *ess* combinations of Team Fortress 2 characters and memes from that weird side of the internet. The monster formerly known as Pinkie sent Dash for a slide across the ground toward one particular grave that was marked with robotic parts. The ghost that haunted that grave was a robotic Scout mashed with a Half-Life 2 Combine. This... was Scombine!

After some censored horror a la "Saw", Rainbow had been fused from the inside-out with Scombine's circuits and abilities. This transformed her into the monster known as Rainbine, a pony cyborg whose first instinct was to kill for pleasure.

Ugh... sadists.

Though, it wasn't just the mind and personality that had been fused into Rainbine. She also gained that ghost's arsenal of weapons, including a shotgun, a machine gun, a grenade launcher, a rocket launcher, and an electric cannon in the shape of one of City 17's camera drones.

Her new robot ears allow her to detect and react to invisible enemies, and despite being covered and filled with metal, she can still move with as much agility as she could before.

Basically, the ballpark of Mach 5 speeds are still feasible for her.

Still, all that tech doesn't make her invincible. But then again, her biggest competition was an alicorn monster that had undergone even more creepypasta torture than her. Once she's tanked enough hits, she can basically pull a Cyber Super Saiyan form out of her cyborg heart.

This overdrive seems to instantly repair and upgrade all of Rainbine's power and damage output, as well as give her access to a slot in her weaponized hoof for a canister of liquid nitrogen, capable of sealing even Painset Shimmercakes into a helpless pose.

Sure, a similar quantity of opposing power can cut the super form short. But once it's done, Rainbine returns to peak, physical form regardless of her condition before the transformation.

Rainbine has an attitude problem. She gets cranky and unstable when she gets bored, and she's quicker to complain about her disadvantages rather than trying to work out the problem.

And even though she seems to have unlimited ammo, all of her weapons are as loud as a shotgun reloading when she pulls them out of her hoof, meaning that stealth is not her strong suit.

She really has her work cut out for her in this fight, doesn't she?

Heh heh. Eeyup.

"Suck on this!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle! ... robo style!

---Death Battle---

It is just another typical day at the Chemical Zone. Random blue blobs are splashing. The water below is purple and most likely toxic. A blue, mechanized hedgehog is flying after and trying to destroy the path that its fleshy counterpart was running across. It is the most normal sight in the world.

As soon as the narrator is done describing the scene with sarcasm, the classic blue blur finds an opening and jumps at it. He swiftly spin-kicks the metal pursuer away. There is an explosion that seems to finish off the robot. But surprisingly, there is no frame or even debris to show for it. The hedgehog proceeds to jog along his way. The camera, however, follows through a wormhole on the verge of closing.

The blue robot braces for impact. A shield in the shape of a diamond surrounds him. He ends up colliding with a heavily armored android and sends it flying against a wall.

"Hey! What's the big idea blasting my robo-soldier buddy like that?"

The shield disperses as the blue robot turns to look. It appears to be a small equine with a couple of bat ears mechanically screwed onto its head. He crosses his clawed arms at the sight of her. She snarls as her right front hoof instantly turns into a weapon.

"Pop quiz," says the cyborg pony. "How long does it take to shoot a moron to death?"

"FIGHT!"

A pepper of bullets race out of Rainbine's machine gun. Metal Sonic crosses his arms, instantly activating his Black Shield. The little shots "ting" against the shield and bounce all over the ground nearby. Rainbine quickly switches her weapon for another attachment. A cylindrical grenade pops out and explodes against the shield. The shield ripples before dispersing.

Metal Sonic retaliates by curling into a spinning ball. Rainbine chuckles as she takes flight. He rushes into the air toward her. She quickly flies down to rush him. They collide with several clangs as they zigzag around the screen. After a few passes like that, there's a still-frame of Metal Sonic's fist colliding with Rainbine's electrical punch. A few such fist-to-hoof hits fill up the next few seconds.

...

Suddenly, Metal's hand transforms into a familiar weapon shape.

"What the?!" Rainbine exclaims.

A darker blue version of her own grenade explodes in her face. She back-flips in the air a few times before staring and growling in irritation. She gasps at reloading noise. Metal Sonic releases a flurry of machine gun bullets. Rainbine flies around all over the place to avoid his aim.

Metal Sonic curls up and performs a Homing Attack on the fleeing cyborg pony. Just as he comes within a few inches of her back, his claw reaches out. He seems to be holding electrical sparks around it before he delivers a punch. Rainbine cries out as she's sent hurtling into the ground.

Rainbine slowly crawls out of the crater in the cement where she crashed. She breathes heavily as Metal Sonic flies down and lands gently on his feet. He chuckles... and then explodes (metaphorically) in a maniacal laughter.

"What's so funny?" asks the frustrated cyborg pony.

"It's useless to fight against me now," states the robot hedgehog. "I have scanned and copied all of your weaponry. Nothing you do can surprise or work on me anymore. You are finished."

Something bulges in Rainbine's chest. She moans against this pain. However, Metal Sonic doesn't even notice this as he raises the temperature in his own chest area.

"Sayonara," he says upon releasing the Chest Laser.

Some white light surrounds Rainbine and bursts out in all directions just before the laser makes impact. Though, it's difficult to see what as the camera is currently blind. Metal Sonic stares at what he presumes is his handiwork. But, that isn't quite accurate.

Gone is the damaged, cyan cyborg pegasus. In her place, a mint-condition white cyborg pegasus with a striking hairstyle loads something into her hoof-weapon.

"What?!" Metal yells as he tries firing another Chest Laser.

The white cyborg turns into a blur. She reappears behind the robot hedgehog's back. She fires the shot. He now resembles a metal ice sculpture. She switches her weapon to look like a shotgun.

"Bamf!" Super Rainbine blares. "Sorry, time's up! You're dead!"

Her weapon emits a boom. Metal's frozen body cracks in several places. Those cracks separate and fly all over the place, leaving a mess of cold debris. As Rainbine's power is tucked away into her default form, she smirks.

"Hey, look! You're shape-shifting into a dead robot."

"Wasted!"

---Death Battle---

Hasta la vista, baby!

Metal Sonic is Eggman's ultimate killing machine. His speed and copy ability would usually let him keep up and surpass his enemies. However, these advantages have proven fruitless when it comes to killing his biological rival in Sonic.

And considering Rainbow Dash can reach similar speeds, it would make sense if Rainbine could keep up with Metal Sonic. "But F, what about Metal's perfect form?" you might ask. "Couldn't that overpower a cyber-pony?"

Well, not quite. While Rainbine can naturally enter her super form after taking enough damage, Metal Sonic requires the Chaos Emeralds to use that same kind of power. Even if he does gain an ultimate power form, he ends up growing larger and bulkier. This actually makes him more vulnerable to fast and defiant enemies.

Fast and defiant, huh? Both of those adjectives fit Super Rainbine perfectly.

Plus, Metal Sonic's copy ability requires a significant amount of time and observation to imitate his opponents with precision. In that same amount of time, Rainbine can deliver a heap of damage in ways that would break down even the toughest of metals and armor. This is especially true in her super form as she gains access to a liquid nitrogen grenade, reaching extremely cold temperatures that Metal was never programmed to withstand.

This defeat made Metal Sonic fall to pieces.

The winner is Rainbine.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"She stabbed me in the torso with a *eff*ing cactus!"

"Uh... how many rings have you collected since you turned super?"

The pink fur fades to red.

"Well... good luck!" The blue blur speeds away.

"Good luck? What do you mean?"

Hot breath steams against the neck, and not the good kind.

Author's Note

Let's see how many references can be found by my typical readers.

Red, Muscular Guys

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to "Dark" for best reading experience. Thank you.

A/N: Today's battle setup is an alternate universe's continuation of the events in an AnimatedJames production.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 4

In an unrelated note, 'C Students' is looking like a pretty good series.

Whether it's riled up bulls or Team Fortress 2 players, the color red brings out the most aggressive among us.

In fact, it often gets attached to the stereotypes of strength and muscles as expressed in the following combatants.

Knuckles the Echidna: Gullible Guardian of the Master Emerald...

... and Big Macintosh, the oldest sibling at Sweet Apple Acres.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Knuckles
-Anthropomorphic echidna
-Treasure hunter / Guardian of the Master Emerald and Angel Island
-Strong enough to punch through rock
-Can glide, climb, and run just behind Tails
-Sometimes wields the Shovel Claws for digging underground
-Wisdom of his ancestors doesn't always translate into intelligence
-Has been fooled by Eggman multiple times into blaming and attacking Sonic

"Look who's calling who a thief. ... Talking to you is a waste of time."

Sixteen years ago, an echidna was born on Angel Island. He would grow up thinking he was the last of the long-lost Knuckles Clan, destined to guard the floating island and the Master Emerald forever. He cared little for making contact with the outside world and was content with attuning with nature itself.

Then life decided to be a giant douche by knocking the knucklehead unconscious, taking away the emerald, and pinning the blame on a hedgehog familiar to everyone that hasn't been living under a rock for the past twenty-one years.

Of course, the 'kind doctor' that tipped him off was actually more interested in having the Chaos Emeralds to himself. Besides, Knuckles wasn't exactly above pulling his punches himself when he somehow beat the Super Form out of Sonic and stole all of the Chaos Emeralds. But after some misunderstandings, destroying a few of Eggman's robots and blowing up the Death Egg again, he decided to trust Sonic, and Knuckles returned to his guardian lifestyle.

At least he would have, if the next game with a convenient plot hadn't tricked him into blaming Sonic again before more clarifying battles took place. Then there was that whole distracting, talking bat, a mess with a liquid monster, a mechanical Sonic, a bunch more robots, an alien invasion, a shade demon plot, and much more.

While running fast has become a staple for most characters in Mobius, Knuckles can't always keep up with the blue blur. His focus tends to be more on his strength, which can punch through trees and solid rock without flinching. Lifting boulders is also a breeze.

He can also fly short distances and climb vertical cliffs by digging his pointy-knuckled gloves into the side.

While he can sometimes dig straight into the ground on his own, he sometimes wields the Shovel Claws which can shove aside dirt and debris much more efficiently.

Knux' fighting style usually has a bunch of spinning and corkscrew motions to drive his fists against his enemies' guts. Although, straight up boxing is also in his alley. Though, his mind doesn't always catch up with his body. I mean, how many evil deeds can a single fat doctor bent on taking over the world commit before you realize that you shouldn't trust anything he says?

Despite making friends with Sonic and crew, Knuckles prefers to be a loner and is often quick to punch first and ask questions later. Though, in a Death Battle scenario, that might actually work out better for him.

Just don't mistake him for a hedgehog. He's kind of sensitive about his identity.

"Time for a Knuckles sandwich!"

---Death Battle---

Big Macintosh
-Earth pony stallion
-Part of the Apple family
-Can buck every single apple out of an entire tree
-Strong enough to pull a wagon full of three or four ponies, and several household knickknacks... including a kitchen sink ("Pinkie Apple Pie")
-Apparently capable of digging pony-sized holes in the ground with his bare hooves ("Return of Harmony")
-Usually doesn't say more than one or two words
-Hides his wisdom away for the show's sake of clever writing

"You should be ashamed of yourselves."

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has taught me two things. One, I want my own pet dragon, and two, men would not be well off if they were all turned into tiny horses. If he isn't stupid, one-note, evil, or a snobby rich pony, he might as well not even exist.

Yet, none of those quite come close to capturing the essence of a certain red, strong stallion in Ponyville called Big Macintosh. Born and raised on Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac has come to an understanding of farm life and all of the responsibilities therein. Whether it's a simple hammer-and-nail fix or sealing a large-profit, business transaction, he has the know-how and the capability to keep things working from dawn until dusk.

All without saying more than one word: "Eeyup."

Common misconception, as he has spoken using complete sentences before, especially when it comes to sharing his concerns regarding family.

"Biting off more than you can chew is just what I'm afraid of."

Behind his lack of the use of verbosity, he can usually speak the loudest through his actions rather than words alone. With just one buck, he can knock an entire tree of apples free of its fruit without disturbing most of the leaves.

How the hell does that work?

Though it isn't just leg and hoof strength. He can pull a wagon filled with several ponies and what looks like the entire collection of his home's knickknacks.

When driven by a strong enough emotion, that strength translates into being able to knock away an entire dogpile composed of other ponies and even dragging an entire two-story building behind him using nothing but a rope! ... or digging holes like a brainwashed dog.

While circumstances often act to prevent Big Mac from speaking his mind, there is no doubt that this pony wields both brains and brawn.

Not to mention, clever timing.

"Turkey call?"

"Eeyup."

"Trashed your voice?

"Eeyup."

"Zecora remedy?"

"Eeyup."

"Not quick enough?"

"Nope."

"Needed a deep voice?"

"Eeyup."

"Poison joke?"

"Eeyup."

"Flutterguy?"

"Eeyup."

"Better now?"

"Eeyup."

"And that shy filly was livin' her dream in the shadows because she couldn't bring herself to come into the spotlight?"

"Eeyup."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

"Shin... Ra!"

Despite her frustration, the orange pony is sent flying into a tree. Ponies and other stuff walk over to check her condition. To say the least, it doesn't look good. A pool of blood is gathering under her right ear. Her eyes are closed and it doesn't sound like she's breathing. One of the Mobians picks her up and starts walking her out of the scene. The rest of the group follows this leader.

However, the pink puncher stands behind, watching them go. He scrunches his brow. He doesn't understand how anyone can feel bad for her. After all, she committed a crime most heinous and wicked.

"She stabbed me in the torso with a *eff*ing cactus!" he yells while holding his arms out wide.

The blue blur races back. "Quick question: How many rings did you pick up since you turned super before the Iron Pony Competition?"

He blinks. "Wait, I was supposed to collect rings?"

Pink fur fades to red. His eyes open wide as he looks over himself. Suddenly, the reason for having rings clicks.

"Well... good luck, buddy!" The hedgehog races out of sight.

"Good luck?" He tilts his head. "What do you mean?"

Hot breath steams up against the back of his neck, and not in the good way. He slowly turns around to see a stallion's face. It looks as red as he is. Though, there might just be an extra shade of red being emitted for a reason other than pigmentation. However, the echidna doesn't run away in fear (as wise as that would be). He hops back and punches a fist into his palm.

"You want some, too?" he taunts.

"FIGHT!"

Despite gaining distance earlier, Knuckles runs toward his new opponent. Big Macintosh whickers before galloping forth himself. The screen zooms in on the pitter-patter of shoes. Then, we get a closeup of hooves pounding the ground. Finally, we get a shot of the opponents jumping up and their front limbs colliding in a loud punch.

Both of them land standing up. At this point, however, Knuckles is curling up and spinning in place. In the next split second, this red ball is colliding with Big Mac in three different places. This little combo is finished with a gloved uppercut against Big Mac's chin. The stallion is sent sliding on his back along the ground.

"How do you like my Knuckles sandwich?" asks the echidna, chuckling.

Big Mac says nothing, simply grunting as he gets back on his hooves. While his opponent is busy laughing, he gallops straight into a headbutt. Knuckles is sent head over heel for a couple of rotations. After the initial surprise, the echidna points his fists forward. Despite all scientific research proving to the contrary, this simple gesture lets him fly forward at his own pace.

He performs an aerial loop before whipping out his Shovel Claws. Aiming straight down, Knuckles spins around, practically drilling into the earth. Big Mac spits to the side before pawing at the ground with his hooves. In a matter of seconds, he's digging straight down as well. There are a few rumblings out of the camera's view. Though, the cameraman seems to be quite fascinated with one large boulder out in this field. The shaking seems to be focused here.

A hole pops up just to the left as Knuckles flies out while groaning. Two large legs stomp on either side of the hole before Big Mac pulls himself up into view. The screen splits to show each of the combatants breathing in fatigue. This battle can't go on for much longer. Knuckles grabs hold of the boulder and heaves it. Big Mac barely dodges out of the way as he gallops toward his enemy.

At the last second, the stallion slams the ground with both of his front hooves. In the process, he turns himself around. Knuckles holds up his Shovel Claws just as Big Mac delivers a powerful buck. The tools shatter. The gloves rip. What's left collides with the echidna's face just before Big Mac's hooves do.

Knuckles' scream echoes as the air around his head is surrounded in blood.

...

The screen fades to white before showing Big Mac wiping off his back hooves along the ground.

"If I ever catch you messing with my sister again... no amount of wishing on the Chaos Emeralds is going to fix what I do to you."

The camera purposefully stays below the echidna's neck area after panning over to the damage. There's enough blood to make the nearby dirt look like it came from Mars.

"Brutality!"

---Death Battle---

Holy *ess*! I had no idea my #1 meal at McDonald's had so much kick to it.

This was a surprisingly close match. Knuckles may have had a slight speed and flight advantage, but his raw power and intellect are just shy of Big Mac's.

But what about being able to lift giant boulders? Isn't that supposed to be an incredible feat or something?

Sure, lifting solid rock twice as big as himself is impressive, but it doesn't quite stack up to moving an entire house or a countless number of other ponies. Turning raw emotion into physical strength seems to be a typical hobby in Equestria.

I guess you're right. Plus, while Knuckles can make quick work of the ground with this Shovel Claws, Big Mac can do the same with his bare hooves. Show me another horse that can do that.

And by calculating the amount of force needed to topple a tree full of fruit, Big Mac's buck wouldn't just kill Knuckles, it would obliterate him.

Knuckles should've just ordered a small... or maybe a PC.

The winner is Big Macintosh.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Eh, I'm making this up as I go."

"Science, literature, history, economics, pottery... that sort of stuff."

Author's Note

Man, I have been using Sega characters a lot in this 'season'.

Science and Magic

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to "Dark" for best reading experience. Thank you.

A/N: Eventually, I need to find an excuse for Leonardo to fight... but not today.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nickelodeon, Mirage Studioes, Kevin Eastman, and Peter Laird.

This episode of Death Battle was brought to you by Lumosity.com.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 5

I'm afraid I don't have any chains to swing above a pit of spikes for your pre-battle entertainment.

Intelligence is valued by great men and women seeking to understand everything about the world around them.

Boring! Show me what those eggheads can do in a fight to the death. Then, we'll talk.

You know, the only reason you and I will never fight is because we require checks and balances in the seats of the co-hosts.

Yeah, and I've got shotguns. What's your point?

The brains in today's match may not be exactly what you'd expect. However, it's good for the growing minds to think outside the box and exercise their nerve muscles.

Moon Dancer is the pony that Twilight Sparkle could have been.

Donatello is the genius of the Ninja Turtles.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Moon Dancer
-Species: Unicorn
-Residence: Canterlot City, over by the stadium
-Interests: Studying, studying, studying
-Accessories: Glasses, hair clip
-Magic: Large-scale levitation, magical overcharge
-Recently taken up friendship-building for the second time in her life
-Easily distracted by books

"Moon Dancer?"

"What do you want?"

They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Whether it was by birth or by choice, Moon Dancer practically looked and acted like Twilight Sparkle in every way.

Books, science, friendless... All she was really missing was the color scheme. Though, I'll give her originality points for the giant eyebrows. Seriously, those things look like they're growing bigger every time they show up on the screen!

As explained by Moon Dancer herself, she gave friendship a chance. But after reaching out to the one pony that shared the most of her interests and Twilight failed to reciprocate her efforts, she shrank back into her psychological shell and buried herself in solitary studying for the rest of her foreseeable life.

But if Nightmare Moon has shown us anything, it's that 'forever' doesn't last very long in pony land. After a year and a half, plus becoming royalty, the lavender nerd came back for another try at rebuilding the broken friendship bridge. It wasn't easy.

Despite not having quite as versatile a spell list as Equestria's fourth princess, Moon Dancer's raw magical power alone is enough to overcharge Twilight's silence bubble and even levitate her completely out of the way.

That magic can carry books stacked as high as three little ponies stacked on top of each other. Impressive, considering that the average college textbook is enough to break the arms of non-athletes like W here. On the plus side, he got a cool cyber-arm out of his surgery.

Wait, did you just compliment me or insult me?

Uh... I don't know. ... Let's move on.

After much effort and a breakdown, Moon Dancer finally reopened her willingness to be friends with other ponies. It's a good thing, too. Judging by how effortlessly she was telekinetically waving the blunt stick beforehand, she could have easily knocked someone's head off.

Moon Dancer is well-read in a number of subjects including magic, science, history, pottery, and Slumber 101. While that may prove that she's smart, she's still gullible enough to follow a trail of literature in the James Woods capture method.

Though, it can be implied that she's developed some durability through the equine equivalent to rugby, a tackle-heavy sport that is not for the faint of heart.

"You still have to show me Haycartes' method."

"Deal."

---Death Battle---

Donatello
-Mutant ninja turtle
-Residence: New York City sewer
-Hobbies: Tinkering with technology of both human and alien origin
-Training: Ninjutsu under Splinter the Rat
-Weapon: Bo (oak staff)
-Level-headed, but not a strategist
-Dives into work instead of dealing with his emotional pains

There's an old game image of the ninja turtle standing on a stack of boxes and whacking the enemy below, over and over again.

Donatello does all the machines for the Ninja Turtles.

Well, that's pretty close. He somehow gained efficiency with both human and alien technology, in spite of his lack of formal education and lack of research funding.

Due to his fluency in techno babble, I can't understand a word he's saying. ... Oh, and I can't understand Don's gibberish either.

... Wait a minute...

Either way, his focus is devoted to his love of science.

To make up for the lacking in areas of his ninja training, Donatello wields a Bo staff. It is made of durable oak and can reach a range much greater than his brothers.

The only drawback to such a long-reaching weapon is that it takes forever to poke an enemy to death.

While he normally leaves the strategies to Leonardo, Donatello is considered the most level-headed of the team and has an IQ of 637, more than twice than that of Miles Prower, the fox that's smarter than Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking combined.

Are you making that up? It sounds like you're making that up.

No, the facts are all here. Really!

Well, okay then. Hanging out in a sewer for most of your life means that you don't get a lot of social activity beyond immediate family.

When burdened by emotional pain, Donatello tends to lose himself in the most logical aspects of his work rather than seeking proper counseling where he needs it the most.

We'll have to hope he's not in a bad mood today, because we're not letting family help him in this fight.

"Time passes faster here. There's a temporal differential."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

"See you guys later!" calls the yellow unicorn.

She gives a wave to her new/old friends before turning around and walking down the road. The hour is late and is reflected by the darkened sky. Her hooves pad along the dirt road as she trots on her merry way. Her horn glows in a pale light as a book floats out of her saddlebag in a similar aura. The book opens and a few pages turn as she continues her walk.

Meanwhile, several feet beneath ground level...

"Mikey, I think the number of times you've been dropped on your head has finally caught up with you."

"What Raph means is that it's very hard to believe your story."

"Oh, come on! You're telling me that in a world chock-full of dinosaur aliens, robots, crocodile scientists, and mutant turtles, it's the unicorns that make the most unbelievable story?"

"Hmm... When you put it like that, I guess it wouldn't be too much of a stretch. I'm going to have a look topside for myself."

"Whatever you do, don't look directly at their horns! That's how they blind you!"

"I'll keep that in mind."

As the pony gets lost in her book's information, she takes a few turns along the streets. She seems blissfully unaware that she's going the wrong way. A sewer cover behind her wobbles a little before being slid out of the way. A pair of eyes stare through the holes in a purple bandana. Said eyes widen a little as they catch sight of the unicorn.

The mutant turtle takes a second before running over to the shadow of a nearby building. For a few more corners, he follows her, constantly leaning himself against walls or other objects to keep out of sight. Then, the pony haphazardly looks up to check her path, getting the sudden feeling that she isn't in the right neighborhood.

This equus caballus seems frightened. The mutant turtle risks walking out into the open. "Hey, are you lost, little lupus cornicus?"

The unicorn whips around and screams. "Stay back!" She floats out a few books from her bags. "I've got a full volume of Whickernica's Encyclopedia and I will use it!"

Oh shell, not another near-death misunderstanding. The turtle reluctantly grabs the large staff on his back.

"FIGHT!"

"Easy now," Donatello says as gently as possible while taking a slow step forward. "We don't have to get violent."

"Violent?!" echoes the pony.

Moon Dancer yells again as her magic launches her extra books at the scary individual. Donatello sighs as he spins his Bo out in front of himself. The giant oak stick whacks Parts A through J against the walls and ground of the alley. After that little display, Don holds his Bo to the side and holds out his other hand, open-palm.

Shaking in panic, Moon Dancer shuts her eyes and charges forth. She yells and lights up her horn during her desperate gallop. Donatello holds out his staff as far in front of him as he's willing in order to block off his opponent. However, a thin stream of magic runs against him and launches him out of the alley. On his back, Don can't stop the unicorn from escaping the alley and running down this street in the middle of nowhere.

Groaning, the ninja turtle gets back on his feet and runs after her. Glancing back, the unicorn tries magically tossing a couple of her remaining books. With a couple well-timed slaps from Don's Bo, Parts K through N add to the book litter on the ground in this nighttime arena. Passing another building, Don hops up to a fire escape and temporarily leaves the camera's view with some silent, quick jumps.

Moon Dancer sees no one behind her and chances a sigh of relief. This, however, is cut short as she skids right in front of a large stack of boxes. They seem to be blocking this street entirely for no reason. Luckily for the ninja turtle, he quickly runs atop these crates. He swings his Bo down at an arc. With this repetitive motion, he gets a few decent hits against the unicorn's head and torso.

He tries to swing it down one more time, but it gets caught in some strange pale glow. Moon Dancer's horn shines brightly as she swings the staff around and knocks Don off the boxes. He falls onto the ground at her hooves. She then slams one end of the stick against his head not once, not twice, but three whole times. The third strike is rather nasty, and leaves a skooshed mess on one end of the turtle shell.

Moon Dancer drops the stick and slowly backs away from her dead stalker.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Donny! No! You were taken before your nerdiness could create that future tech company in 2105.

I agree with your sentiment, B. It's a sad day for all of us. But we need to finish what we've started.

Y-Yeah... you're right.

The results of this battle were not as straightforward as one might initially think. The Ninja Turtles are practitioners of the ninja arts and have accomplished many impossible feats. But that is more dependent on their family bond and teamwork over anything they could do individually. While Donatello's intelligence quota is enormous, the same cannot always be said for how well that translates onto the battlefield. While a scientific genius, he will rarely use any of his technology in combat-specific situations.

He may be a proud geek, but the pain he dishes out takes forever to serve. Plus, he doesn't always keep a firm grip on the situation at hand.

Additionally, Moon Dancer's studies go far beyond just the sciences. In other words, she has a bit more diverse understanding at her disposal and could come up with strategies outside of Donatello's usual approach.

Plus, Don's always needed help when it comes to enemies of the magic nature. Although Moon Dancer has a small list of spells she can cast, her magical power is strong enough to rival pre-alicorn Twilight, and that pony was pretty tough to begin with.

Based on her ability to lift an entire pony over her head without effort, she easily had the force available to crush someone's skull if she really wanted to do so. She didn't even need to use Don's weapon against him to get that effect.

Don's attempt in this battle was a swing and a miss.

The winner is Moon Dancer.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"I am the night! I am vengeance!"

A purple-clad hoof acknowledges its audience before it leaps out of view.

Author's Note

Oh, right. Spoiler alert! Sorry.

The Heroes Behind the Masks

Advisory: For optimal reading experience, please set "Formatting" to "Dark" prior to scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Maybe it isn't because the man has something to hide, but rather something to protect.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DC Comics. Slight inspiration taken from ToucanDLM.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 6

~Na na na na na na na na, Death Battle... Death Battle... na...~

Sometimes, a hero is called to create a spectacle, shoot lasers, and show the whole world that someone's looking out for its people. But other times, it calls for an approach from the shadows, someone who is willing to take matters into their own hands... possibly for vengeance.

Batman: Dark Knight of Gotham.

... and Mare-Do-Well, the mysterious savior of Ponyville... who showed up once and was never seen again.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Batman
-Secret identity: ~~Bruce Wayne~~
-Officially not a superhuman
-At the peak of physical condition, allegedly without drugs of any variety
-Bat suit: invokes fear in his enemies, can glide, resist bullets and electricity, and can zap potential thieves
-Utility belt: contains smoke pellets, Batarangs, a grappling hook, a Kryptonite ring, and explosive gel
-Shock gloves: can create currents strong enough to stop Bane's heart
-Triangular GPS tracking, and radio wave communication
-Billions of dollars, twelve different Master's Degrees, and is a master of every single fighting style conceivable to man
-Mental stability is questionable

"From this moment on... none of you are safe."

As is common with the start of many heroic tales, Bruce Wayne faced tragedy at a young age.

The kid's parents were shot right in front of him on their way home from the theater. That couldn't have been good for his mental health.

Though, he didn't let the loss of his parents stop him from living. Instead, he focused his years in detective work, training in all of mankind's fighting styles, and fighting criminals whether he had the law's support or not.

The billions of dollars didn't hurt his efforts, either. He had enough to spend on resources for all sorts of gadgets that he keeps in his utility belt. Aside from a bunch of different Batarangs, his belt carries smoke pellets, a grappling hook, and probably even a beer. Oh, wait... no, that's just what my utility belt would have if I had one.

The Batman's suit is composed of Kevlar and several other components that make it highly resistant to bullets, knives, dog bites, and electricity. He can even glide short distances while wearing it.

That suit is ideal for striking fear in his opponents. I mean, what's scarier than using an animal shape that you're afraid of, too?

In addition, the cowl contains a radio communicator and GPS triangulation, allowing him to track the movements of practically everything by hacking into the cell phone frequencies.

Ask him where I left my wallet.

He also carries a few non-conventional items like a Kryptonite ring, explosive gel, and the shock gloves that are capable of outputting so much electricity that it can even stop Bane's heart.

Still, he's got a lot of brawn on his side without all the extra stuff. Despite being just human, he's managed to snag several black belts, dodged Darkseid's impossible-to-dodge Omega Beams, stealthed his way past Superman's super-hearing, and escaped a coffin after being buried alive twelve feet under the ground! Bad*ss!

You think that's crazy? Check out his singing voice!

~Am I blue? Am I blue?

Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you?

Am I blue? You'd be too

If each plan that you had done fell through~

I... that... wow...

It happened.

He really can do it all. Why? He's the g**d**n Batman!

"There is one thing I've never been good at: saying, 'Thank you.' "

---Death Battle---

Mare-Do-Well
-Secret identity: ~~Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle~~
-Apparently possesses earth pony strength, pegasus flight, and unicorn magic
-Costume designed by ~~Rarity~~, consists of many purple and blue hues
-Somehow able to sense hazards and avoid them just as quickly
-Is able to adjust her personal friction and jumping distance on the fly
-Was given her alias publicly by Mayor Mare
-Likes to run around alleyways for fun
-Apparently mute while in full costume
-Vanished without a trace, possibly to the same place to which Ponyville's pointless cliff was relocated

"I officially dub this new hero the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well!"

Few residents of Ponyville know the true origin of this masked hero.

It was starting out just fine. Rainbow Dash was just minding her own business, trying to relax, when all of a sudden a filly called out from the depths of a well that would put Timmy's fall to shame.

At first, it was just saving a few lives from their imminent deaths. But as she often does, Rainbow soon let the attention get to her head, and was still talking about her accomplishments weeks after the deeds had been done.

Then, this crazy equine version of Darkwing Duck showed up and outmaneuvered her rescue of a pony in a hot air balloon. As more and more deeds were accomplished by this masked hero, Dash soon lost all of her fangirls, and with them her will to live.

Several of Mare-Do-Well's feats are impossible, yet she was able to perform them anyway. She can apparently jump onto and over tall, distant mountains without looking all that far away herself. She's strong enough to stop a cart-full of ponies from sliding off a cliff even after it has had a runaway head start.

She can anticipate falling debris and she has magic necessary to make a broken dam function as completely brand new. Heck, she can gallop around so fast that she's in four different places at once, and can fly. Is she an alicorn? Heck, how do we even know for sure that she is a woman?

Well, the muzzle shape kind of gives her gender away. As for what type of pony she is, that seems to constantly change throughout her appearance in her own episode.

On top of that, she never once spoke... like... ever.

That was probably to conceal her identity.

Oh, that's bull crap! There are masked heroes that talk all the time that never get found out.

Huh. You have a point there.

I guess it doesn't really matter now. She's gone, and she's never going to come back. Hell, I don't even know if she'll show up for this battle.

"Alright, Miss Mysterious! Mystery... solved!" *gasp!*

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The meadow is a such a pleasant habitat. The sun is shining, bunnies are bouncing, and a fawn is getting a meal out of the grass and flowers at the meadow's edge. At least, that is the case until a really dark vehicle rushes by, makes a sharp turn, and slams against the deer child before speeding on its merry way. The fawn bounces a couple yards before stopping completely.

The fawn coughs. "Not again..."

The car with the sleek design rushes through the various scenes. It passes street after street of mismatched cartoons. Just as it seems to be moving along the streets of a more vibrant variety, a humanoid doll falls out of nowhere. This doll presses against the windshield with suction cups. So even though the car applies its brakes, the doll doesn't go anywhere.

After the car comes to a stop, a dark figure quickly rolls out of the driver's side. There's a bit of maniacal laughter coming from off the screen as the doll explodes, along with the front half of the car. The hooded and caped figure broods and stares at the ruined vehicle. Meanwhile on a rooftop, a clown in a purple tuxedo and weed-colored hair laughs, slaps his own butt, and then scurries just beyond view.

A grappling hook is pulled out of the black suit's belt. The unamused man points it up and shoots it at the roof. Within a couple of seconds, his whole body is pulled up and forward. He lands in a kneeling position on the roof. As he stands up, he notices a rather different-looking, purple-dressed figure. It almost looks like a really small horse. Said horse reaches up a hoof to adjust her hat.

"FIGHT!"

Capes flap in the air as the combatants run toward each other. There's a bit of a collision between fist and hoof. While slow and deliberate, one only has to listen for that clash of physical might. A few more of these types of blows are exchanged before the costumed pony backs up.

Batman tosses a couple of his trademark Batarangs. The small weapons whistle as they spin through the air. Mare-Do-Well ducks under one, gallops a little, and jumps over the second. Her dodgy leap sends her spinning into a full buck against the man's chest. He slides back, though he looks no worse for wear. In fact, he uses the momentum to grab Mare-Do-Well's hind legs and fling her over his head.

Mare-Do-Well seems to crash through the delicate rooftop. The Batman taps the side of his cowl, checking for any signs of life. But then, Mare-Do-Well comes flying in and slams against the back of his head. He brushes himself off, and looks slightly confused at the pony's sudden growth of wings.

The masked pony hero swing around for a couple more flybys. However, Batman ducks under the second pass. His shock gloves spark as he punches the incoming pegasus. She rolls along the roof several feet before falling over the edge. But then, she seems to teleport back onto the roof without any explanation. Not to mention, she somehow traded her wings in for a horn just under her hat.

They stare at each other between some widescreen bars. Although, those are quickly dispersed as that clown in a purple jacket shows up again. He seems to be holding a young filly as a hostage, and he's squeezing the poor little pony's head tightly between his fingers. He laughs, of course, and says a bunch of nonsensical words that will no doubt spark an existential flame war in the comments.

Discretely, Batman pulls out a couple more Batarangs and tosses them. Mare-Do-Well's horn lights up, as do the Batarangs. They start spinning much faster before they swiftly slide against the clown's wrist and part of his sleeve. His cry of pain and loss of control over his wrist are enough to set the filly free. Mare-Do-Well magically grabs her and pulls her out of the way.

This leaves plenty of room for Batman to run up, disable his shock gloves, and proceed to punch the clown in the face really, really hard. Said clown flies off the roof and lands on the edge of a metal dumpster. Batman takes a look at the groaning madman before turning back around.

Mare-Do-Well gives a slight nod to the Batman. He relaxes his shoulders ever so slightly. After that's done, the costumed pony teleports away with the child. Batman jumps down and ties up his actual nemesis.

"FRIENDSHIP!"

"Friendship? Again?"

---Death Battle---

I don't know whether I should be disappointed, or giving them props.

Both of these characters hide in the shadows of their secret identities, and they've trained their bodies beyond what should be possible for normal human beings. While Batman's wide range of gadgets would give him an edge, the same could be said about Mare-Do-Well's variety of natural abilities.

Given enough time, either one of them could probably find a winning move to outmatch the other. I mean, find a way to remove the costume, and you're ripe for whatever the opposition has in store for you.

But in the end, a never ending battle wasn't necessary, since a certain Joker was all too eager to rub some exploits in Batman's face.

They may not have been the heroes that filly deserved, but they were the ones she needed.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next Next time on Death Battle...

A large swirl of dirt surrounds a figure with despairing eyes.

"I have to maintain this barrier no matter what!"

Author's Note

So... how was that?

Kakarot-to!

Advisory: For best reading experience, change "Formatting" to "Dark" not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: If I'm going to tick someone off no matter what I do, I might as well do it with flare.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 7

Who never asked for this? Several of you, probably.

When fandoms scream their lungs out, it usually involves specific characters from whatever medium they enjoy.

I bet the throat lozenge businesses are making millions... or maybe the various drink companies are mooching on that market. I don't know.

Now please, people. I know you're going to be excited, but refrain from letting loose your voices. We at Death Battle cannot be held responsible for damage that you do to your own throats or the rest of your body.

Enough with the suspense, inferior co-host! Who is fighting who today?

The most passionately talked about Super Saiyan Goku will face off against...

... Princess Luna: everyone's favorite princess pony who breaks the stereotype of 'pretty being pink'.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

So... you're just going to flat-out ignore the fact that I called you-

Yes!

---Death Battle---

Son Goku
-Birth name: Kakarot
-Race: Saiyan
-Possesses extreme levels of Ki and an expert at various martial arts
-Ki-based attacks: Kamehameha (standard beam), Destructo Disk (energy saw blade), Solar Flare (blinding light), Energy Volley (smaller Ki bursts), Spirit Bomb (large orb that takes several minutes to charge)
-Power increases: Kaioken (up to x20), Super Saiyan (up to four levels), Super Saiyan God (red hair on par with Beerus), Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan (blue hair on par with Golden Form Frieza)
-Instant Transmission: Instantaneous teleport movement (requires a focused concentration to work)
-Lacks intelligence and formal education
-Prefers a fair fight, sometimes to a fault

"That was great! So, what's for the next course?"

Many anime shows, video games, and other forms of storytelling have been inspired by The Journey to the West. One of which is the worldwide phenomenon called Dragonball as its main character Son Goku is almost directly parallel to Son Wukong. However, the monkey and the reversed/re-spelled name are about where the similarities end.

Akira Toriyama turned this tale into a... much better adventure that involved a lot of fighting and a lot of shouting. Kakarot, the son of a "brilliant scientist" escaped a dying planet and ended up on Earth. Ah, Superman rip-offs.

Goku's Saiyan genetics were complementary to the various bouts of training he would undergo throughout his life. Whenever he was met with a challenge, he would train even harder, grow even stronger, move even faster, and burst through the limits to achieve the impossible.

Except he never really applied that philosophy to school and driving.

In any case, he can utilize his martial arts in just about any environment. The exceptions are airless environments such as deep space and underwater. Still, these are only minor hindrances when it comes to his most impressive techniques.

His body can endure explosions strong enough to destroy a planet, and he can dish out just as much Ki energy to wear down his enemies. Among these Ki techniques are the blinding Solar Flare, energy bullets, the Super Dragon Fist, and of course...

"Kame... ha... me... ha!"

After the united strength of several Saiyans were added together, Goku can now access a strength beyond his Super Saiyan 4 form at will, dubbed Super Saiyan God.

And by combining that strength on top of his own Super Saiyan power boost, he can make it blue... as well as make it a form with the most ridiculous name ever.

A mouthful? Perhaps. But it does give him the strength needed to rival the strength of gods, and it's still uncertain as to what the limits of SSGSS really are.

He can teleport, move fast, shoot lasers, fly, punch something really hard, and prefers strong opponents rather than ones that can't put up a fight. One of these days, I'm going to become a Super Saiyan, too.

... Yeah, cool story, Dr. B. Stick with your poultry science and frying. It suits you better.

"That's funny. I've only been using like 80% myself."

---Death Battle---

Princess Luna
-Species: Alicorn pony
-Possesses a large quantity of magic
-Magic abilities: Levitation, magic beams, lightning, reanimation, teleportation (implied), shape-shifting (Nightmare Moon form)
-Also strong enough to crack the ground and fly
-Can use spells outside of her repertoire within the space of a pony's dream; can traverse from one dream to another and can create shared dreams (with extreme focus and strain on her magic levels)
-Capable of speaking at extremely loud volumes to emit the Royal Canterlot Voice
-Extremely prone to feeling guilty and moping
-Prefers to do things herself

"Fun? What is this 'fun' thou speakest of?"

Legend has it that the Princess of the Night ruled side-by-side with her elder sister, until hatred and negative emotions shrouded her completely, transforming her into Nightmare Moon. She lost her worthy status of the Elements of Harmony, and after her sister banished the Nightmare monster into the moon, so too did the remaining princess.

Fast forward a thousand years, and you'll see the new Elements banding together and freeing her from that veil of darkness, returning her to her true colors... at least until the next season retcons that original look.

Things were starting to look up for Luna. She gained a few guards reflecting the beauty of her night, became friends on one of the most ironic holidays of pony kind, and aided slumbering ponies by helping them overcome their fears through their dreams.

But of course, it was too good to be true.

For what seems to be at least a full year, Luna had created a parasite creature to punish herself with the same nightmare over and over, because she did not want to unleash Nightmare Moon's terror upon the world a second time. What she did not know was that feeding it her guilt would eventually strengthen it to the point where it could break into other ponies' dreams and potentially the waking world.

Wait, if that's so powerful just by her making it that way, why didn't she just use that the first time she turned into Nightmare Moon? It would have made that whole 'eternal night' takeover thing a lot easier.

She likely would not have had enough guilt to fuel it since the original fuel for Nightmare Moon was her emotion of jealousy, not guilt.

Darn those 'technical' difficulties... and how did a speech from Twilight Sparkle about friendship save the day again? Can't someone just make her-

A Starlight Glimmer clip says, "Quiet!"

I was going to say, "Shut up," but that works, too.

Anyway, Luna is a pony who prefers to do things on her own. Even when the task is more suited to a group dynamic, she constantly feels that she has something to prove, something to make up for. While her guilt may have stopped for that one night, emotions are a fickle thing and could potentially resurface the next time she takes the spotlight.

Don't you mean when she takes the moonlight? Ah? Ah?

*sighs* I understood that reference.

"It seems I have still not learned my lesson. My creation is about to turn the world into a living nightmare!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

An elliptical vessel is traveling through the vastness of space. Inside sleeps a man with spiky, black hair and weighted, orange pajamas. He hums a catchy tune as he sleeps. There's a bit of a rippling effect as the camera somehow gives us a visual of his dream.

It's the complete joy of his life. His wife, son, and house are all intact. He is eating a lot of food and training to fight all at once. Just as he grabs the next bowl of ramen, however, images within the dream twist and turn. What used to be bowls of pasta are now flowing together into one, giant spaghetti monster. His son suddenly grows fangs and tries to maul him. However, this is nothing more than the Tantabus's undoing.

Goku quickly catches sight of this darkness parasite. In an instant, he's right on top of the cloud. He punches it really, really hard. He then follow up by conjuring a massive disk of energy above his palm.

"Kienzan!"

The disk is launched forth and it slices and dices the Tantabus every which way possible, and some ways that are impossible. Nevertheless, it does the job and eliminates the darkness and its effects on his food and happiness dream. Soon after, a door opens up in the middle of the sky. A dark, armored equine flies in, searching frantically. Goku interprets the new intruder as another dark entity. He flies up and gives her a good punch.

The Princess of the Night practically leaps out of her bed. She exhales heavily a few times before shaking the sweat off of her head. She doesn't have much time before the strange creature arrives. She slams the door open and flies out of her room.

The spaceship slowly comes in for a landing. The nearby structures look very reflective of the sun shining upon them. A curious crystal pony or two casts their gaze upon the vehicle with the word "Capsule" printed on its side. When one of the sides of the vessel screeches open, the curious ponies become terrified and flee the scene entirely. They don't see the creature take a leap out the door and land just in front of the bottom of his ship's ramp.

Huh, feels like it's four times normal Earth gravity here, he thinks. He then shakes his head. Wait, what am I thinking? I'm not good with numbers. He mentally chuckles at the idle thought.

Suddenly, a pony very similar to the one in his dreams flies over and lands a few feet away from him. His shock that the creature is real quickly turns into giddy excitement. Regardless of a creature's form, he's always ready for a good fight. He's completely oblivious to whatever this pony is thinking of or what she's trying to protect.

"FIGHT!"

Goku quickly flies forward. Luna spreads her wings before taking a similar approach. Each of them displaces a lot of snow on the ground beneath them before fist collides with hoof. The impact's aftershock cracks one of the crystal spires nearby. Goku throws in a lot of punches and kicks at blindingly fast speeds. Each of which is joined by him shouting a random, gibberish syllable.

Luna is sent head over hooves by the last punch in that series of jabs. However, a couple flaps of her wings straightens her out. Her horn twinkles as she disappears. She then proceeds to appear and disappear in various spots around her new enemy. Each appearance is marked with a strong hind leg kick. The expression on Goku's face shows just how much he feels each of her strikes.

The Saiyan, however, quickly catches onto her pattern. He promptly grabs hold of her mane, in spite of its gaseous appearance. He pulls her into his Dragon Throw. He spins her right 'round, baby, right 'round, like a record baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round. Before she knows it, she's released and crashes through several crystal homes.

He decides to have a little fun and tosses a multitude of energy blasts in her general direction. Though, the various different angles do nothing for his aim against Luna. Instead, he pretty much finishes the initial damage upon the Crystal Empire's various buildings. What doesn't shatter to pieces ends up falling to the ground in cracked and ruined remains.

Luna rubs her head and groans. She slowly stands up at the base of the Crystal Palace.

"Oh, there you are!" exclaims Goku upon flying in close. "Kaio-ken!"

"Kaio-what?" asks Luna.

She gets slammed by a red aura-covered Saiyan. All of the rattling is enough to blow up the base of the palace and bring the entire structure down for a fatal crash. It seems the Crystal Empire's return to Equestria proper is a short-lived one. Luna twinkles back into the camera's view somewhere in the sky.

She grunts. "I need more time... for something... anything."

The pony princess flies off into the distance. Meanwhile, the Saiyan holds a determined expression as he lifts two fingers to his forehead. As Luna continues her flight, the wintry desert below changes to one stuck in the summer sun. All of a sudden, the enemy is floating right in front of her. She lets out a yelp just before he punches her down. His power quickly turns Dodge City into Dodge Crater.

This time, Luna struggles a bit more as she stands up.

"So, uh... you want to try this again later after you've grown a bit stronger?" asks Goku as he floats just a little above the ground. "I mean no offense, but this is starting to get a little boring."

Her eyes glow white. She scowls. "This game of yours is over!"

More cracks appear in the ground underneath her as she's surrounded in a bright white light. Her shape seems to grow a few inches in various places. The light eventually fades to reveal a much more sinister figure: Nightmare Moon. Goku's look of excitement returns.

"Wow! You've got a super form? I've got one of those, too."

The air shakes around him. Bits and pieces of the ground rise up and crumble into dust. His very energy rises into a glorious red hue. This redness is matched by his hair and his eyes. He is showing us all his Super Saiyan God form.

Nightmare Moon growls and fires a beam of bluish magic. Goku hollers as he leaps out of the way. He fires another round of energy bullets. She loops around and dodges the blasts. This is followed up by them using their respective teleport/transmission abilities to try and out-kick each other. This exchange of high speed attacks eventually leads them to fly over yet another town.

"This ends now!" shouts Nightmare Moon as she charges up a large portion of her remaining magic into her horn.

"Aw, and it was just getting fun again." Goku sighs as he puts his hands together. "Ka... me... ha... me... ha!"

His trademark attack flies forth in a brilliant, bluish-white light. Nightmare Moon sends back her own blast, filled with shadows and lightning. She struggles against the incoming power pushing against her, but her magic seems to be cutting a hole down the middle of the Ki and causing pain to Goku as well. A few houses down below are catching on fire due to the sheer power struggle going on.

Goku grunts. "Kaio-ken..."

Nightmare Moon falters slightly. "You're kidding."

"... times..."

"You're kidding, right?"

"... TWENTY!"

The Kamehameha becomes so wide and big that it's energy eclipses any magic that's being tossed against it.

"Noooooooooooo!"

The Super Saiyan God's attack completely removes Luna from sight. Not only that, the attack seems to run straight through the rest of Ponyville. It even cracks open and tears apart the town's new castle... like an overpriced set of plastic. The star on top floats by the camera a second longer before crumbling to pieces.

Now that he has had his fun, Goku pulls out a Sensu Bean to stave off his exhaustion.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Oh, man. Here comes the rage from all of the New Lunar Republic fanboys!

Goku's power is ridiculously over-the-top. He wields in his hands the power to destroy entire continents and best the enemies that underestimate him. Luna may have the magic necessary to catch a distraught sister off guard, but it overall pales in comparison to what the Super Saiyan God is capable of.

I mean doing a bunch of awesome *ess* inside of a dream is fun to watch, but almost none of her dream abilities translate into real-world powers. The ones that are shared with her real self don't quite stack up to Goku's feats.

Besides, there's a big difference between the core of their character. Luna is still struggling with bouts of guilt over her past. The writers seem to place her in a miserable, self-punishing state every time she takes the spotlight. Even though she may have overcome her Tantabus for now, there's no saying that she won't relive that feeling some day in the near future. On the other hand, Goku's path is not one covered with his past sins. It is a path to better himself and hone his skills as a fighter. So what happens when you pit a man who trains to overcome any limit against someone who will forever bind herself for fear of what she has become? Well, only one has a pure heart that isn't shackled at all.

Luna was just eclipsed by the Son.

The winner is Son Goku.

---Death Battle---

But wait! There's more!

The title card's gates prematurely open again. In the sky above the ruins of what was once Ponyville, a distant light twinkles from the mountainside before showing up just behind Goku. The Super Saiyan God turns around at the new energy that he senses.

"I'm in a world made of plastic... always taking care not to melt something... to burn some pony. What you've done is made a terrible mistake. My best student is dead because of you... and my sister is dead because of you. By destroying the homes and lives of everypony I love and care about..." The newcomer's eyes glow white against a furious brow. "I don't have anything left to lose if I show you all of my power!"

Goku chuckles. "Then I guess it's time for me to do the same."

He clenches his fists tightly as his Ki burns around him even brighter than before. The red hot fire in the air turns a bright bluish-white. The Saiyan's hair reflects his new power as the Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan floats in place. There's either a crap-ton of static electricity crackling all over the place, or the very presence of two powerhouses is creating a lightning storm in the sky.

"I'm-a deck a second shnozz today." Goku lifts his hands to the air. Even though Equestria is in a battered state, the planet's Ki starts flowing to a single point high above him.

Meanwhile, Celestia's horn is glowing brightly. Up much further in the sky, the sun seems to be glowing brighter. It almost looks like it's getting bigger. Wait... no... it can't be... but it is! Celestia is pulling the sun itself toward the battlefield! Are you nuts?! Tides are bubbling and boiling along the ground below as the intense gravity and temperature grow. It's enough to set some of the water on fire!

"Come on... come on," Goku mutters as his energy orb gathers in size and strength. "Yes!" He waves both of his hands down. "Taste my Spirit Bomb!" The orb of bluish-white light hurls forth at a crawling pace.

Celestia backs up a little by flapping her wings at an opposite rotation. However, it is not in fear of the incoming Saiyan's attack. Instead, she is making way for a much larger orb of yellowish-white light, one that holds true to her cutie mark. If the Spirit Bomb is about the size of East Texas, then this sun looks large enough to contain all of North America... and then some. When the two spheres collide, Celestia's orb is all that remains after it practically swallows up the Spirit Bomb.

"Kaio-crap!" exclaims Goku as he puts his hands together. "Ka...me...ha...me..."

The princess jerks her head back a little. Goku notices this and let's out a questioning hum. This is barely a second before the moon comes crashing into his back. It practically rams him all the way up against the sun and all of its direct radiation.

"Ha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Though he screams, his trademark Ki-based attack doesn't appear this time. Rather, his whole body catches fire before ripping apart into a gust of disintegrated ashes.

Celestia exhales. The sun and moon slowly float back to their proper places in the day sky. However, the damage is already done. There's a huge crater of boiled water sitting underneath her aerial position. There are even some dead fish bones floating to the surface. Her eyes stop glowing as she closes them... in emptiness.

"Choke Detected!"

---Death Battle---

Whoa! Where the heck was she keeping all of that?

And since when did we let you guys cut into our segments?

Well, we can still work with this.

Princess Celestia has an immense source of magical power to back her up. What required the work of several unicorns, Celestia can move the sun and moon all by herself. Plus, she had to guide their paths through the day-night cycle for one thousand years. There is no pony or man alive that can possibly comprehend the scope of energy needed to sustain themselves for that long, on top of having any other matters to attend to, skirmishes to squash, needs to be met, etc.

And before you get on your high horse for the other two co-hosts making Luna lose beforehand, need we remind you that she is the younger of two sisters who was MIA for those thousand years? That's a rather large gap in experience.

While Luna seems to take the more relatable path to guilt, Celestia represents an ideal... a shining example approaching perfection that others strive to be.

Much like Superman, Celestia's goal is not to be the greatest fighter ever, but a struggle to live amongst other ponies as one of them. The only ones who have managed to surpass her power were the ones who hailed from other planes of reality or had stolen a lot of outside magic first. If she were to release all of her power against every enemy that ever rose up, it would rob her subjects the chance to learn and grow.

Not to mention, she'd end up blowing up everything she wanted to protect in the first place which is counterproductive against the ideal, benevolent ruler.

So what happens when you pit a man who breaks through his limits against someone who has no limits beyond what is morally right? Well, I'm afraid one of them still has to break those limits just to achieve any chance at all.

Hey! You totally stole that line!

Goku may be the better character, but Celestia has the bigger balls.

The winner is Princess Celestia.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Yeah, yeah, a bunch of the readers probably have a bunch of walls of text to retort. Let them get it out of their system.

The Ultimate Defense

Advisory: For best reading experience, set "Formatting" to "Dark" before continuing to scroll down. Thank you.

A/N: No offense, but this seems a little... one-sided.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Shueisha, Madman Entertainment, and Masashi Kishimoto.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 8

"Best offense is a good defense, am I right?" ~A Skyrim guard

For many warriors, the sword is an obvious tool of fighting. However, the other hand that wields the shield can often be used with just as much finesse and incredibility.

I don't think that analogy really works here, W. These shield-wielders don't exactly use their hands specifically for their tools of defense.

Shining Armor: Prince of the Crystal Empire.

... and Gaara of the Desert.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Shining Armor
-Unicorn
-Introduced as Captain of the Royal Guard
-Residency: Canterlot; The Crystal Empire
-Currently the Prince
-Specializes in the strongest defensive spells
-Other magic: Beams & Levitation
-Strong enough to physically pick up and toss his wife
-Has been thrown under the bus several times by the writers

"Back off, traitor."

Shining Armor was born and raised in Canterlot. Aside from spending quality time with his little sister Twilight, he spent his days training to become part of the Royal Guard. Eventually, his constant focus paid off and he became its Captain.

I guess the writers think they're so darn clever, making the knight in white, shining armor is so uncannily similar to this horse's image.

After a brief fiasco with an entire swarm of changelings, Shining Armor finally married the love of his life. Within a short time after that, he and Cadance would move in to protect the newly returned Crystal Empire as its new prince and princess.

You want a world handed to you on a silver platter? Well, sure! Just let me keep it in this pocket dimension lost in the freezer until it's ready for you.

As his name implies, Shining's best tool is his defense. While he can levitate objects and shoot bolts with his magic, his strongest spell is the magic barrier, which can be spread wide enough to defend an entire city for multiple days on end... or small and dense enough to protect himself.

Insert condom joke here. Heh heh.

His strength does not solely rest in his magic. When push comes to shove, he can pick up a pony roughly as big as him and toss them with velocity to spare.

Strength is nice, but d**n does it get thrown to the side when the plot demands it. Seriously, his most common enemies are the premiere and finale villains who aren't particularly known to be fair fighters.

Regardless of bad writing, you can count on Shining Armor to do everything he can for Cadance and Twilight Sparkle.

"Hey, you're my little sister. Of course you're important to me."

---Death Battle---

Gaara
-Shinobi
-Introduced as being from the Village Hidden in the Sand
-Currently the Kazekage
-Specializes in controlling sand: Sand Coffin, Sand Burial, Sand Tsunami, Sand Shuriken
-Can make sand lighter than air, or stronger than steel, and can alter its shape into many different weapons and waves
-The sand in his gourd carries his mother's breath, and is also mixed with his father's gold dust
-Can send sand into an enemy's bloodstream and control their body
-Sand Armor requires immense amounts of Chakra to maintain

"I have to use the sand to defend."

Gaara of the Desert started out as an extremely small child, born as the son to the Kazekage of the Village Hidden in the Sand.

And his father was kind of a dick! He thought it would be a great idea to seal a tanuki monster into his son's belly and make sure he never understood love and care.

Shukaku the One-Tail absolutely loathes humanity who would bury it all under the desert's sand if given the chance. Since the villagers feared losing their lives, Gaara was mostly left by his lonesome, thinking that he had to hate the world as it hated him.

But on the plus side, he could manipulate sand in all sorts of ways with his mind. He can use it to trap and crush foes, forge it into all sorts of weaponry, fly, create clones that look like him, and defend against all manner of attacks.

However, that sand is not a foolproof defense. Opponents that utilize fast Teijutsu have managed to outmaneuver his sand before, and force him to rely on his sand armor. While difficult to penetrate, the sand armor requires immense amounts of Chakra to maintain, moreso than his other sand which protects him through his mother's will.

One time, Gaara fought against his zombie of a father who was using gold dust in the same way he used sand. After sealing him away, he added his father's gold dust to his gourd of sand, giving him extra control over its density. Oh, and that was after Shukaku was forcibly ripped out of his body!

That was actually a mixed blessing. Despite not having another presence to take over if he falls unconscious, his control over sand is just as precise as before. On top of that, he started understanding compassion and friendship, thanks to Naruto who had gone through a very similar life experience. His people rallied and supported him, and he rose up to become Kazekage.

Few can stand against this Green Day wannabe and live.

"I was his enemy, yet he wept for me! I hurt him, yet he called me his friend! He saved me!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

There is very little way to properly introduce a meeting between these two characters. That is why we are in a replica Canterlot. That is also why the virtual cutouts of these combatants are being placed on top of a random building in this city. The unicorn adjusts his armor while the red-head crosses his arms.

"Must this all end in violence?" asks the man rhetorically.

"You know it does," says the stallion.

"FIGHT!"

Without even moving, Gaara wills a few clusters of his sand to rush at the opponent. Shining Armor hops over to the next rooftop and alights his horn. The magenta glow conjures a transparent shield large enough to comfortably contain the stallion. The clouds of dirt bounce off this shield. Gaara hums in thought while calling back his sand.

The stallion aims his horn and fires a magic beam. Gaara disappears in a blur before appearing on another rooftop. He dodges the next blast of magic in the same way. His pace is faster than Shining Armor can keep up. When Gaara forms a large quantity of sand and tosses it like a javelin, the pony's shield is up and deflects the weapon into the fine powder that it is composed of.

The ninja alternates between slapping his palms against each other and holding his arms up over his head. Wave after wave of sand rushes around the air. They all collide and barely cause the barrier to ripple. The stallion briefly lowers his shield only after he's sure that his opponent is taking a rest.

Shining Armor takes a couple shots with his magic before setting up his shield again. Gaara shuffles his hands around into various hand signs. A bunch more sand shuriken rise up and slam against the shield. The pony waits and holds on until he can get another chance to strike. There seems to be an elongated focus on Shining Armor's next breath of air.

Suddenly, a flash of light pierces a darkened background, like a spark effect. Shining Armor's eyes open wide. His teeth show in a horrified feeling. His legs shake around. Eventually, his whole body starts flipping about and floating upside-down.

"What's going on?!" he shouts.

"So, it did work." Gaara is slowly twitching the fingers on one hand around. "I was wondering how you could manage to hold a solid barrier up without suffocating yourself. Then, it occurred to me that your particular technique might be capable of blocking out enemies and weapons, yet still allow air to pass."

"But... you don't have... wind spells..." The unicorn trembles as he hyperventilates.

"Perhaps not directly, but I have something that I can make lighter than the air itself." The Kazekage's eyes stare unflinchingly. A clump of sand near his head slowly whittles down into very fine grains, almost impossible to track by anyone else. "Once you breathed in enough of the dust, it was only a matter of willing the sand to penetrate your veins."

The magenta shield fizzles out as Shining Armor keeps struggling fruitlessly. Still, he furrows his brow one more time. With a grunt of effort, he fires a magic beam at his standing opponent. Gaara grunts as a squirt of blood leaks over the neck area of his sand armor.

"It's time to end this," declares the ninja. He clenches his twiddling fingers into a fist. "Sand Coffin!"

A large amount of sand bursts out of the ground. It quickly swirls around and conceals the stallion from view.

Gaara swings his arm out in front of himself. "Sand Burial!"

The coffin of sand caves in on itself. There's a horrifying scream as blood rushes out of the containment in all directions. Slowly, Gaara turns around as some of the sand nearby rushes back into his gourd.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

If there was any doubt that this guy was a bad*ss before, please kindly shoot that doubt in the face.

Both of these combatants had well-placed measures for defense. However, Gaara's particular options for offense were simply more versatile and diverse than Shining Armor's.

Seriously, when all you've got is a beam and the ability to throw objects, your enemies tend to see that coming.

Shining Armor's shield may be able to block several large solid objects simultaneously, and could potentially break a sword, but its main vulnerability is that it allows passage for people and objects that it deems harmless. A breath of fresh air definitely fits in the latter category.

All Gaara had to do was send in sand that was spread out enough to be lighter than air. Once enough is in, he could easily adjust its density yet again. Hell, he didn't even need to control Shining Armor's blood. He probably could have just crushed the pony right on the spot.

But where's the fun in an instant death without a little suspense?

Shining Armor needed a good dusting off.

The winner is Gaara.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"You know... I don't have to be the first one to check it out. I'm sure someone else heard that explosion, right?"

"Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!"

"Oh, this isn't fair!"

Author's Note

See? All he needs is a non-earthbending opponent and Gaara's in business.

Blasting Fodder

Advisory: For best reading experience, set "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: Does anyone else remember the last time I did one man vs. an army of grunts? Neither do I.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 9

This ought to be fun.

Witless... spineless... two descriptions that means somebody would lose their chance at victory under normal circumstances.

But which one is truly the most awful trait to have?

Representing the cowardice side is Yamcha from Dragon Ball.

He'll be facing off against the one-track minds of the Pinkie Pie clones.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Yamcha
-Human
-Desert bandit (formerly), martial arts fighter, Z warrior ("retired")
-Signature attack: Fist of the Wolf Fang or "Rogafufukin"
-Ki-based attacks: Turtle Destruction Wave "Kamehameha", Tri-Beam "Kikohou", Spinning Chi Bullet "Sokidan"
-One of the strongest in many of the early series' tournaments
-Once resisted being crushed by 300x normal Earth gravity for about thirty seconds
-Killed by a Saibaman, impaled by Dr. Gero, knocked out by Cell, absorbed by Buu
-Relationship status: Single

"Listen! This is all just a misunderstanding!"

Now here's a player that just can't catch a break.

The desert bandit Yamcha originally chased after the young Goku in hopes that the Dragon Balls would grant him the freedom from nervousness around female eye contact.

...and other female points of contact, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, he started a relationship with Bulma and trained under Kame-Sennin.

He used to fight with a sword, but nowadays he sticks with his fists and the palm of his hands. His training led to some crazy martial arts techniques like the Roku... Rogainafar... Fury...

Rogafufukin.

W! Language! There are children reading this!

*sigh* The Fist of the Wolf Fang is Yamcha's go-to barrage attack consisting of several punches and palm strikes. Later, he would figure out how to manipulate his Ki to perform attacks like the Kamehameha. However, his is not quite as quick or as powerful as Goku's.

Yeah, seriously. How much cinematic time does it take to form a bunch of hand signs before countering the coolest attack in fictional history?

Though, a Ki attack that seems to work better for Yamcha is the Sokidan: The "Spinning Chi Bullet".

With just the power of his mind and index finger, he can swing this ball of energy around to smack an enemy like a pinball. I bet he'd get all the high scores. But, it doesn't help that Toriyama uses Yamcha as his whipping boy.

In several of the significant sagas, Yamcha is usually the first one out of the gate and the first one to die or approach near-death.

And he lost his woman to the second most bad*ss Saiyan in the series, Vegeta.

A random clip of Vegeta's voice shouts, "I heard that!"

Is that okay?

"As a matter of fact, go *eff* yourself!"

Still, we're going to give Yamcha a chance to prove himself today.

"Don't worry. Most people come back normal."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

---Death Battle---

Pinkie Pie Clones
-Magical clones created from Pinkie Pie using the Mirror Pool
-Mission: Seek "fun", acquire "fun", have "fun", do all things "fun"
-Little to no consideration for their surroundings and other ponies
-Each one is insistent that they are the "real" Pinkie Pie
-Capable of mass destruction and small-scale earthquakes
-Each can jump several feet high, and can take advantage of cartoon physics
-Easily herded and fragile when attacked

"Then I wouldn't get to do that fun thing with Applesauce."

There comes a time when each of us must make a choice regarding what we do with our lives. For an all-over-the-place pony such as Pinkie Pie, she wasn't too fond of leaving any of her friends out of attention when they performed simultaneous tasks.

Her solution? Make more of her via a pond of water that requires a really cheesy poem! But one clone just wasn't enough to keep track of all of her friends. So, she made another one. But then those clones made more of them... and then they all made another one of her. By the time they were through cloning each other, they were just a few clones shy of a *ess*-ton.

Instead of going to separate locations like Pinkie Pie had wanted them to, they often crowded around the same place. With their mimicry of Pinkie Pie's high-sprung energy, they quickly drove the gist of Ponyville into annoyance.

Pinkie Pie quickly regretted her decision after seeing all of her friends suffer. But when she tried to get help, she was quickly confused with just another clone. Hell, she even doubted her own self.

Each clone seems to have a set goal of having as much fun as they possibly can, even at the risk of causing harm to fellow ponies and property. However, they seem to lack Pinkie Pie's complete ability to shatter the fourth wall, preferring to stick with impossible feats within the realm of cartoon physics, such as bending themselves into the shape of a pony's beard.

... or fitting two under the same hat!

With their one-track minds, the Pinkie Pie clones are easily herded like cattle. Additionally, they seem to carry a unique weakness to unicorn magic.

That and constantly getting distracted.

"Betcha can't make a face crazier than... this!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The world seems to be in a relatively peaceful state. Gentle tidal waves run against the beach sand. The sun shines brightly upon the island. To top it off, a stinky cloud of smoke escapes the rooftop window. Everything is great as the camera flips over to the inside of Kame House.

"Thanks for wishing me back to life... again." Goku chuckles.

"Maybe you needed the Dragon Balls to come back." Vegeta grumbles. "I would've been fine if you *ssh*l*s had just given me a Sensu bean."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask." Goku turns to his best buddy in curiosity. "How did you end up getting so beaten up before I went to that world to look for you?"

"I... er..." Vegeta struggles to find his words before he sighs. "I tripped on a skateboard."

Krillin tilts his head at that. "Wait, how would you trip on-"

"Shut up before I hit you with a skateboard," warns Vegeta.

The dwarf opts to whistle innocently while grabbing a can of Hetap from the fridge.

Piccolo crosses his arms. "If these aliens were capable of beating up two of our best fighters, we need a plan to do some damage control."

"How do you intend to do that?" asks Chi-Chi, poking her head into the room.

"Maybe if we send one of our more vulnerable locals, he can try and make peace with them," pipes in Gohan before turning the next page in his book. "Either that, or we'll at least lose someone that won't provoke a threat."

Everyone's eyes quickly glance over to a fine gentleman that has yet to say anything.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Another spaceship from Capsule Corp flies through the reaches of space.

Someone on the inside screams, "Oh, this isn't fair!"

A combination of Deus Ex Harmonia, the magic within all of pony kind's survivors, and bad writing puts the world of Equestria back together in a somewhat stable form. Of course with this complete disregard for the space-time continuum, certain memories are relapsed. In other words, a certain pink pony forgets her lesson of why wandering to a specific path in the Everfree Forest is a bad idea. She takes a leisurely dip into a pool at the bottom of the ramp. The cave and water do a good impression of an active volcano.

Somewhere at the forest's edge, a spaceship lands. Its door slowly opens out from the side to the ground. A figure rushes out and stands at the bottom of the ramp. He looks around rapidly, even with the scar above and below his eye.

Okay, no big deal, he futilely thinks to himself. I just have to scope the situation. I don't have to do any fighting or anything. Besides, how much pain can one or two alien ponies really cause?

Suddenly, the ground shakes underneath his feet. He looks down anxiously at the vibrating pebbles. He slowly turns to face the edge of the forest. He sees what looks like a massive blob of pink beans. However, as they hop closer, they look much more equine with cotton candy on their heads. Not to mention, they all seem to be saying a loud chant on repeat.

"Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!"

Holy crap! It's a stampede! The poor human's panic is skyrocketing.

"FIGHT!"

Now that the stampede of Pinkie Pie clones is within a few stride lengths, they all catch a glimpse of the newcomer. At first, they look uncertain and blink in uneven patterns. However, one of them pops up and smiles. In a sort of hoard mentality, the rest soon find themselves fascinated with the human themselves and hop until they surround this point on the map.

"Fun! Fun! Fun!"

"No, wait! Stay back!" Yamcha cries out.

His insistence goes ignored. One clone hops up against his chest. Another leaps on top of his head. Yet another clone hops over and starts licking his fingers. Within a few seconds, the entire crowd of Pinkie Pies is doing their best imitation of the Agent Smiths. Luckily, they lack the body-hacking ability. Plus, their distraction with having fun with the human gives him a chance to flail his arms around.

"Neo Fist of the Wolf Fang!"

Yamcha's arms and hands move around faster than the clones and even the camera can accurately track. All of the Pinkie Pies go flying away from the man. He slams his palms into one last clone before taking a second to catch his breath. The clones quickly get back on their hooves as they slowly approach him, wondering what fun they'll have next.

"Get back!" warns Yamcha hysterically. "Don't make me use this!"

He holds his hand up. A small energy orb forms just above it. The Sokidan catches the entranced gaze of the clones.

"Gumball!" cheers one of the clones.

She quickly jumps over the crowd. Her mouth is wide open before it closes over and swallows the Spinning Chi Bullet. Yamcha freaks out as he shakes his hand around. The clone seems to shake around, refusing to let him have his weapon back. He tries shaking even more rapidly. The clone simply waggles through the air wherever Yamcha points.

Wait a minute... A light bulb clicks somewhere in Yamcha's mind.

The man swiftly waves his arm to the side. Following that line, the Pinkie Pie clone flies and smacks a fellow clone with her stomach. Yamcha swings his arm left. The clone flies into one of her lookalikes yet again. Chuckling, Yamcha waves his finger to point all over the battlefield. He has essentially turned this one clone into his new weapon to smack around the rest of the pink. Eventually, all of them are flying up in the air again. With some well-placed smacks, he manages to slam all of the clones into a straight line.

Yamcha puts his hands together. "Kamehame...ha!"

His destructive Ki wave first slams into his weaponized clone. The Chi Bullet within swells and then bursts out of that pony's backside. It then gathers force and momentum as it crashes into the next clone... and the next clone... and the clone after that... and then all of the rest of the clones.

Just before they hit the ground, each of the clones explodes into a cloud of pink smoke. These small clouds of pink whoosh into the forest from whence they came. Yamcha lets out a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad.

"Multi-Kill!"

Wait a minute! There's one more pink pony sitting there. She... has tears in her eyes. Yamcha holds his arms in a defensive stance. However, this Pinkie Pie promptly wraps her hooves around him in a hug.

"Thank you so much!" she exclaims. "I wasn't sure I'd ever be real again."

He glances down at the pink wrapped around him. "Hold on. What?"

"Oh! I know!" Pinkie pulls back and looks at him with a hopeful smile. "Would you like some cake? For saving me from myself, I could give it to you on the house!"

Yamcha stares, baffled at the lack of context regarding what's going on. "Um... yes?"

"Great!" Pinkie Pie promptly pulls the side of the screen. Both she and Yamcha end up in the 'New Hero of Ponyville Party' scene. There are several ponies with varying colors and manes. Each of them is in the middle of enjoying the various party activities.

Oh man, the guys back home will never believe this, Yamcha thinks with a sigh. Heck, I don't even know what's going on.

---Death Battle---

I think Yamcha just beat A's pinball high score.

The Pinkie Pie clones are a force to be reckoned with and are destructive in numbers. However, they lack any tactical sense beyond ramming into something for the fun of it.

Yamcha may have been stabbed and blown up in the past, but he's got the know-how to avoid those life-threatening situations.

Yamcha's skills may pale in comparison to the rest of the Dragonball characters, but he can hold up his own weight for several seconds under intense gravity, much more than what ten or twenty little ponies could possibly hold on top of him.

While Pinkie Pie herself can pull out items at random and shatter the fourth wall, her clones don't have quite as much liberty with their abilities and must follow the limitations of anyone inside of a television show.

And of the two sides, only Yamcha has the moves that are suited for a finishing blow. Sometimes, being paranoid is all it takes to outlive a herd of idiots.

In the end, their assets were pooled together.

The winner is Yamcha.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"I am the only serious character. That is the joke."

Vs.

"I dare you to call me a 'background pony' one more gosh-tarn time."

Author's Note

And now I'm using a bunch of Dragonball characters. Go figure.

Lightning Round: Dream Matchups and Nightmare Killers

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to whatever you'd like.

Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

Five Lightning Round

Here, all the battles are conducted without waiting for analysis.

Ten Fighters!

All Action!

No Research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

(Does the world end with you?)

---Neku Sakuraba vs. Ink Rose---

A boy wearing headphones runs around the streets of a rather dead city. He stops at a corner and takes a look at his hand. What looks like a time-stamp tattoo is counting down. Its interval reads 2:30 before he lowers his arm. He grunts a bit as he looks around. There's a slight twitch of his eye as he looks to the right. He leans over just in time for a baseball to whizz over his head.

He puts one hand in his pants pocket as he turns around. A small, winged equine is standing on the other side of the street. Her red shirt seems to be redundant against her red hide. What really stands out, however, is her orange headset and a metal baseball bat. She smirks at her new target.

The clock is ticking.

Start!

The Scout Ink Rose pulls out a baseball and tosses it straight up. She angles her bat just behind her as the ball begins its descent.

"Ha-Ta!"

The bat collides with the ball, sending it forth with a bright and trailing flash line. Neku gives a short hum before side-stepping out of the way. He takes a running start across the street. Ink whacks a few more baseballs of similar velocity toward her opponent. The boy manages to side-step, weave, and even spin-step out of the way as he closes in.

A couple buttons flash on the screen above him as he snaps his fingers. Two jets of flame burst out of the sidewalk on either side of the pegasus. She lets out a yelp before flying forward and away from the heat. But, this puts her right in place for Neku's next move. He throws in a bunch of spinning slaps and kicks all at once. Each time Ink takes a hit, she lets out a grunt and recoils.

But the scout isn't going to take her punishment sitting down. She flaps her wings and zips around this side of the road. Before Neku realizes it, he's taking a nice big helping of "boinks" and "bonks" from the bat swings. He grunts as he's sent to the asphalt on his back. But with a busking spin, he's back on his feet in a second.

Neku starts shooting fiery rocks out of his hands... somehow. Ink flies around zig-zag, barely dodging most of them. She even tries to swing her bat at one of them. However, doing this makes the metal in her hooves heat up to a burning red. She drops her bat, crying out the word "hot" over and over.

The screen fades white on a portrait of Neku in a pose. "Now, let's end this!"

Um... where the heck did that giant tidal wave come from? Where did Neku get that surfboard? How is he guiding that wave over this specific part of the streets? What is this? I don't even!

Well, anyway... the wave passes. There's a waterlogged pegasus scout on her back with spirals in her eyes. The boy stands nearby with both of his hands in his pockets.

Noise erased!

This round's winner is... Neku Sakuraba!

(Knucklehead Ninja vs. Hot-headed Substitute Shinigami)

---Pony Naruto vs. Pony Ichigo---

A blonde colt swiftly leaps across the forest area. The air whooshes even though only a few leaves are displaced from the trees. Meanwhile, a stallion in black, traditional Japanese attire stands in place. He perks up as he senses someone approaching. He turns around just as the first pony arrives on the scene.

The younger stallion holds onto a small kunai knife, while the second grabs hold of a giant blade. Subtitles read across the bottom of the screen as each of them says something.

"Ore wo... kona sakata, dattebayo?"

"Am I supposed to believe that I'm fighting you next?"

"Ken' gatsuda, bakara."

"You'll face my blade, idiot."

Nobody blink!

Take off!

Naruto's fuzzy tails quickly bend to cross each other. "Poni Sutairu: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Another blonde pony appears in a cloud of smoke that looks identical to him. Both of them gallop in curved paths toward the enemy. Ichigo barely bats an eye as he rushes forward. Without even touching the ground, he overtakes one of the incoming colts and slams his sword with force. This Naruto tries to hold off the blade with his kunai, but it quickly slips out of his grasp.

Zangetsu slices through the ninja without hesitation. However, this colt vanishes in a burst of white smoke. The real colt turns on his hind leg and collides with Ichigo's back. The soul reaper immediately retaliates by swinging his Zanpakuto in an arc around him. The colt dodges under, only losing a few yellow hairs to the swing.

Rushing forth again, Ichigo makes a downward strike with his sword. This time, Zangetsu seems to cut that kunai into pieces before slicing the colt in half. Yet, Naruto vanishes in another cloud of smoke. Ichigo turns around to see two more Narutos, each with their tails crossed. The stallion stands in place, waiting for his opponent's next trick.

Naruto holds up a front hoof, flat-side up. The shadow clone turns around and swiftly waves its tails over the ninja's hoof. Blue chakra gathers and spins into a concentrated orb.

"Nandato?" Ichigo huffs as he steadies his anticipation.

The clone picks up his "boss" and launches him like a javelin. Its task done, the clone vanishes. Naruto holds his Rasengan right within hoof's reach as he glides toward his opponent. However, some bluish-white reiatsu starts to gather along Zangetsu's edge. Ichigo raises his blade high.

"Getsuga Tenshou!" He swings his Zanpakuto, and it in turn releases its reiatsu into a large power wave.

The energy-based attacks pass each other, colliding at a tangent. The Rasengan sends Ichigo spinning head over tail into a tree. The Getsuga Tenshou forces Naruto back several feet, cuts through some of his jacket, and draws some blood. After Ichigo slides off the tree and stands back up, the screen splits to show them both breathing fairly hard.

Naruto crosses his tails again. However, the next instant brings a slightly scuffed up Ichigo right on top of the colt.

"Todomeda!"

"It's over!"

Zangetsu draws blood from the real Naruto at last. The ninja collapses in a bleeding mess.

K.O.!

This round's victory goes to... Ichigo Kurosaki!

(X-Men vs. Elements of Insanity)

---Banshee vs. Fluttershout---

A man, wearing a very prominent cape of yellow, glides over the cemetery. He looks around left and right. Some guy flies by screaming while spinning head over heel. The catches the X-man's attention before he looks down at the ground. A rather smug, red-haired pegasus pony is giggling to herself. He flies down and lands with a plop in front of her.

Rest in peace headphone users!

Shout!

Fluttershout takes in a deep breath. However, Banshee rushes in flying. He collides with the pony monster, sending her back a few feet. He then proceeds to rush around for several smacking passes. His couples his last pass with a sound from his mouth that can barely be heard by the audience, but is seen distorting the air around it. Fluttershout is sent head over hoof.

She flaps her wings to straighten herself out. She furrows her brow and lightly taps her top hat. She hurriedly flies back down to the battlefield. In response, Banshee emits his supersonic screech all over the graveyard, displacing many of the tombstones in all sorts of directions. One of said stones knocks the pegasus monster in for an early landing. In pain, she releases her breath as an unholy scream.

Banshee pauses in mid-flight, holding his hands against his ears. His feet slide against the dirt as he groans. Fluttershout pushes the stray tombstone off her body before she sees the pained X-man. She hums in thought before a wicked idea crosses her mind. She quietly flutters up behind him and takes in a deep breath. Her next scream sounds like a chorus of a thousand demons performing heavy metal.

Banshee's ears squirt blood like fountains. He lets out a directionless screech in pain. Though, it's quickly shut off when a pair of hooves reaches up and snap his neck. He collapses to the ground. One of the flying, unmarked tombstones falls down just above his head. Fluttershout cackles in a combined voice of a heavy weapons guy and a mindless gonzo.

Volume on!

The winner of this round is... Fluttershout!

(Nightmares and Voids)

---Tantabus vs. Darkrai---

The wild Pokemon battle music plays as the screen goes all flashy. However, the opponent fails to make any significant sound effects. Pokemon Champion Tobias sends out Darkrai! The action menu vanishes as the screen focuses on both the blue cloud monster and the pitch-black Pokemon.

No running from this battle!

Begin!

The Tantabus glides around and taps a few blades of grass. Said grass glows in a weird light before transforming into an army of deformed Cacnea. They charge forward while all using Drain Punch. Darkrai uses Double Team to create after-images of himself. The Cacnea fly through the illusions and slam into each other. In the moment of reprieve, Darkrai focuses his mind with Nasty Plot.

But the Tantabus does not remain idle. It swirls around a tree with some hanging Kakuna. Upon contact, they all break off the tree and turn into Mega Beedrill, armed with far more Fell Stingers than should be possible for any insect. Darkrai casts forth the shadows of his Dark Void. These bees collapse to the ground, suffering fear and pain due to their bad dreams.

Growling in frustration, the Tantabus attempts a more direct approach by transforming itself into a barrage of fists. They slam into Darkrai like several Mach Punches simultaneously. The Pokemon grumbles a bit, sliding along the ground. As the Tantabus comes in for a Dynamic Punch, Darkrai's eye opens with a flashy camera effect. He looks at the blue smoke monster and holds up his arm.

Darkrai uses Dream Eater. The contents of the entire scenery, along with the Tantabus itself, are sucked into the Pokemon's unnoticeable mouth. Someone in the sound booth has a little too much fun with the vacuum and straw-sucking sound effects. Eventually, the dream fades to nothing.

The pitch-dark Pokemon belches himself awake. Though, back in the real world, he quickly slaps his arm over the lower part of his face.

Finish!

This round's victory goes to... Darkrai!

(You Don't Know the Power of the Dark Side)

---Darth Vader vs. Nightmare Moon---

There is a lot of heavy breathing. The gas mask noise grows louder as the combatant slowly strolls onto the premises. A few storm troopers stand at his side, until a quick cloud slices them all down to a pile of limbs.

"What is the meaning of this?" asks the dark conqueror.

"There can be only one." The cloud swirls around before reconfiguring into a tall equine in armor. "And that is me!"

The man in the life support pulls out a long, red light saber. "You do not know the power I possess."

May the Force be with you!

Engage!

Nightmare Moon fires a flurry of sparking magic bolts. Darth Vader's light saber twirls around and deflects all of the bolts. He then deliberately throws his red light weapon forward. It spins while giving off a warbling, whirring noise. Nightmare flies over the saber and shoots lightning from her horn.

Darth Vader yelps from the initial jolt, but he follows up by holding out his hand. The enemy's lightning gathers into his Kinetite orb. With just a thought, the electric ball swings forth and upward. Nightmare Moon's mane swirls around, turning her into a cloud of blue smoke. The orb flies through her and bounces off the returning light saber. The weapon also passes through her with minimal disruption.

As its pommel returns to the Dark Lord's physical hold, the blue smoke changes shape again. It now looks like a blue imitation of the light saber. It swings itself at Darth Vader, imitating the strikes of an actual swordsman. Naturally, Vader moves his actual saber around to block its strikes.

"Enough!" he declares as he holds out his palm.

The imitation saber shakes in place. However, it appears unable to resist the Force's grip. Vader wills it to slam into the ceiling and immediately back down to the floor. He then swings his saber at the floor. Just as he does, the fake saber turns into blue smoke and whisks around the floor.

Within a second, it wraps around the Dark Lord. He simply scoffs at the bodily intruder.

"It is pointless," he says.

Vader waves his arms out to the side. A large vibration shakes the entire arena. The blue smoke cloud flies off and resumes her alicorn form. She grunts at the sheer willpower of this man. But, she is far from done.

Nightmare Moon's smoke envelops her. Her shape splits up into three pegasi with glowing yellow eyes. They fly around at breakneck speeds. Vader uses his Force Choke to trap one of them in mid-flight. He holds out his arm to Force Choke a second one. The third Shadowbolt, however, flies up from behind and flies just above his head. This Nightmare pegasus shape-shifts into a large, prying claw. It grabs hold of the Dark Lord's helmet and digs into the neck area.

"What is the meaning of-"

The Dark Lord doesn't get to finish his sentence as his helmet is yanked off. As well, a few pieces of his burned skin come off in the helmet's snags. As the helmet clangs on the floor a few feet away, the colorful control panel on his chest starts beeping. He breathes heavily, hanging onto his life via the Force.

Unfortunately, that life-sustaining Force replaces the Force that holds the Shadowbolts, resulting in them being released from their choking states. They fly up together and reunite into Nightmare Moon's default form. She conjures forth another storm of lightning to strike the exposed head. Needless to say, that electrocution is not pleasant for the Dark Lord.

The alicorn turns into her saber form from before and points straight down. The saber goes all the way through his head. He falls to his knees before collapsing on his deformed face. The Nightmare turns into a cloud of smoke before leaving the Dark Lord for good. Back in her alicorn form, Nightmare Moon flies in place. She lifts her head and cackles evilly.

Down!

The winner of this round is... Nightmare Moon!

Author's Note

Key phrase: "No research".

Foresight, Foreground

Advisory: For optimal viewing experience, please set "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: This will be fun. Other than that, it'll be a total wash.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 10

These seem like decent folks. They should be properly respected.

When you have a television show with a great deal of characters, it's easy to forget some of them in favor of the others.

It almost becomes a joke that these characters are interpreted by the fans as being part of the background.

It's time to show a little appreciation for the ones that always lend their support to the hero's achievements.

By having them beat the crap out of each other?

Oh, hell yeah!

Tien, the tri-clops of Dragonball.

... and Applejack, the Element of Honesty.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Tien
-Full name: Tenshinhan
-Often allied with Chiaotzu
-Human? Alien? Uh...
-Trained under Tsuru-Sen'nin
-Ki techniques: Solar Flare (blinding light), Kikohou "Tri-Beam" (strong beam that can paralyze foes or potentially destroy a planet; can kill Tien if performed too many times in one battle)
-Shishin no Ken "Multi-Form" (divides user's strength into one-fourth per clone)
-Held the so-called perfect Cell at bay for a large chunk of an episode
-Has inconsistent winning streak during the Z-series

"Chiaotzu, let's go."

Tenshinhan was once a top student under the Crane Hermit alongside the tiny, floating Chiaotzu. His prowess in the martial arts was used as his reasoning to be... kind of a dick to the rest of the Dragonball characters. Though, after a couple matches with a disguised Kame-Sen'nin and Goku, he up and ditched the Crane Hermit under the idea that Goku didn't need to die.

After defeating a cybernetic Tao, Tien's story is pushed to the side as the show focuses more on Goku's improvements. However, we did get snippets of Tien training with Popo before the Saiyans' arrival and King Kai before the end of the Frieza arc.

At one point in the manga, it was brought up that Tien was a three-eyed alien, but... it didn't really go anywhere. So, the Z series treats him as any other human with an advanced piece of plastic surgery in his forehead.

Tien has learned to improve both his muscular build and his manipulation of Ki. This energy manifests in some of his more famous moves such as the blinding Solar Flare, the small and slow Dodon Ray, a "Multi-Form" technique, and his nearly Earth-shattering move: The Kikohou.

... which turns triangles into freaking squares! Oh, it's also useful for putting a lot of pressure on the opponent so that they can't move very well... just like what I do in the bedroom when I'm on top.

Too much information, B. Though, it should be noted that excessive use of the Kikohou uses up a lot of Tien's Ki and can kill him.

Though, anything that can hold back a nearly perfect Cell must be bad*ss in action.

Aside from his own energy destroying himself, he doesn't have any glaring weaknesses except dealing with enemies with greater power.

Is there any way to end this part on a better note than him getting the crud beaten out of him?

"Tri-Beam! Hraaagh! Hraaagh! Hraaagh!"

Heh heh. That'll do.

---Death Battle---

Applejack
-Nickname: AJ
-Earth pony
-Represents the spirit of Honesty
-Often found working on the farm or exploring with her friends
-Defies physics by dislodging apples from the tree without breaking the trunks
-Has won a plethora of ribbons at rodeos
-Often brings in a lasso out of absolutely nowhere
-Holds a number of things with her hooves in spite of them being... well, hooves
-Strong, agile, and flexible legs
-Is often written as the voice of deception or acting

"Yeah, you were pretty rotten."

"Wow, Applejack. I know your thing is honesty, but come on."

Applejack is a proud member of the Apple Family and the Element of Honesty of the famous "Mane Six". But before she was a hero to speak of, she was once a little filly.

Young Applejack didn't want to run an orchard all her life and tried living it out in the city. But as it turned out, none of the fancy Manehattenites passed basic elementary school.

"What is a... 'rooster'?" This male voice clip is followed by some lighthearted laughter.

Plus, the entrees weren't even big enough to keep a starving kid alive.

But soon after feeling homesick, the light of a Sonic Rainboom led Applejack back to her family at Sweet Apple Acres and she realized that was exactly where she wanted to be.

Cut to several years later, and she was put in charge of cake decorations for the sun deity's thousandth birthday.

No, no, no, no, no. It was the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration held by Equestria's princess and Applejack was in charge of banquet preparations.

Meh, everything sounds the same to me when it's coming from a little girl's imagination.

You know what? I'll handle this part. Ever since joining Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the bearers through the Everfree Forest and discovering her Element, Applejack has been through a lot. Most of her normal days include several hours of manual labor, bouts of exhaustion, competing for top athlete, being broken by a chaos entity, dealing with monster attacks, sacrificing something personal to save a misfired and enchanted friend, and magically losing her individual talent on three separate occasions.

And that's not including all the damage she's had to repair after antics involving her sister and the pink horse.

As a trait of the earth ponies, Applejack possesses a natural born strength and a connection with the earth. This allows some of her fruit-bearing crops to grow at exponential rates, and it lets her collect that food in a way that is not physically possible. Apples tend to have wide stems that practically anchor them to the tree and cannot feasibly be dislodged without knocking over the tree itself. Yet when Applejack bucks the trunk, they fall off with little to no hesitation.

Screw you, physics! I've got a fedora.

... That's a Stetson.

Stetson!

She has also mastered use of her lasso and has even used it to pull and slam a giant bug-bear to the ground. On top of that, she's won blue ribbons in five separate rodeos.

But the catch of being the Element of Honesty is that it makes her a terrible liar.

While she has been shown to be quite capable of saying falsehoods, that's just it. It's obvious when she lies. Contrary to characters like Rarity and Rainbow Dash that have been shown to hide secrets fairly easily, Applejack is pretty bad at hiding her tells.

Maybe it's because telling lies physically hurts her somehow.

That wouldn't be the most surprising thing in this magical land of talking ponies.

I guess she's the best kind of friend. If she doesn't tell you what she's honestly thinking, she'll pay just as much a consequence as you do. Just don't challenge something involving her word and/or family. She takes offense to that.

"Is that a challenge?"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The camera brings us back to Kame House. Oddly enough, the same cast and crew is still hanging around this place even though it should technically have been a few days since Yamcha left. The space ship is currently open and vacant as Yamcha is already walking up to open the house's door.

"Hey, guys! I'm back!" he hollers.

"Sensu Bean!" yells Krillin as he tosses a little green bean. It flies and hits Yamcha in the cheek before falling to the floor.

"Thanks, but I don't actually need one of those this time." Yamcha chuckles as he holds up a box tied up with string.

"Oh, what's that?" asks Gohan.

"It's a long story..."

Eventually, they all end up sitting around the floor and couch. Of course, that doesn't really include Piccolo and a certain someone else who silently insist on standing. As Yamcha finishes describing his throw down with the pink monstrosities, he unties the string on the box.

"And then the real pink pony sent this little thing to take home after the party was done."

The box folds open to reveal a design of Pinkie Pie in frosting.

"What's that gibberish written in icing?" wonders Chi Chi.

"She said it was meant to say, 'Thank you, new hero,' or something like that."

"I don't believe you," comments Master Roshi.

"I can't believe you," adds Piccolo.

"I'm starving!" Before anyone can object, Goku tosses the cake up and bites it all down until there's nothing left but the tiniest of crumbs.

"What the hell, Kakarot?" blurts out Vegeta.

"Well, it's probably fine," comments Yamcha. "I mean, Goku was the only one that actually died on their planet, so it's only fair that he gets their peace offering."

"Are you daft, beta-male?" The Saiyan Prince jerks his head. "There's no telling what those stupid horse freaks will do if left unchecked. I am going to head to that world-"

"And then what?" Piccolo crosses his arms. "Last time you fought one of those creatures, they Android Eighteen-ed all of your limbs."

Out of nowhere, a new voice screams, "Enough! I am not a spectator! I am a warrior!"

The self-proclaimed warrior dashes out and takes the ship for a redialed trip. The rest of the gang looks at the open door with various levels of surprise.

"Some days, it's really hard to read that guy," says Gohan.

There's a slight break on the farm where some pony has time to check the internet. It just so happens that she clicks a few random links regarding the pony community as a whole. Eventually, it leads to a page on the Trixie Variety Show website that has some rather choice words under a picture of her. Steam builds up from the pony's ears before she slams the top of her desk and shakes everything on top of it.

"I am not a background pony! I am a main character!"

Furiously, she gallops out of her home. She needs some way to burn off this frustration. At the same time, a Capsule Corp spaceship slams down into the ground. Its door opens up to release the man who is clearly not a spectator.

He points at the pony. "You! Me! Fight! Now!"

"Finally!" This pony cracks her neck a little before looking skyward. "Announcer! Get off your hind quarters and start this darn thing!"

"Um... Y-Yes, ma'am... *ahem* FIGHT!"

Tien flies forward. As he gets close, he throws a barrage composed of fists and kicks. Applejack tries to back up and to hold up her hooves in defense and even manages to kick back a couple times. However, a few more quick hits from her opponent send her spinning around into an apple tree. Shaking herself off a bit, she lines herself up and bucks that tree. Several apples fall from the shaking tree into a large pile.

Applejack picks up and tosses several of these apples in Tien's direction. With a deadpanned expression, Tien fires a few small Ki blasts and basically incinerates all of the foe's incoming projectiles. He concentrates and grunts a little. Within seconds, three more of him are floating in the air next to him.

"What in tarnation?" Applejack looks at the four Tiens in confusion.

These clones fly closer and around and take turns wailing on her. She's taking hits from all around, but she notices that they aren't as bad as the punches when there was only one of him. After sliding back from the last of the clone's hits, she pulls out her lasso. She swings it around a little before whipping it around one of the Tiens.

She pulls hard on the rope with her mouth and spins around. This rotation slams Tien into one, two, and finally all three of his clones. In some loud painful noises, they all pop back into the original warrior. He ends up getting slammed into the freshly bucked apple tree, toppling the whole thing over.

Growling, he stands up. He holds up both of his hands to his forehead, palms facing outward.

"Solar Flare!"

Applejack yelps as a massive light blinds her. She tries to rub the split-second image of her granny in a bathing suit out of her vision, but the damage to her reticles is already done. Now is Tien's chance as he holds his hands out in front of him. He twists them around into a few signs before settling on a triangular shape.

"Shin... Kikohou!"

Finally able to see again, Applejack's moment of relief is bittersweet. She takes a face-full of the enemy's strongest blast. She slides along the crumbling ground a few inches before being forced to do a back-flip. She struggles to stand back up.

"Ki! Ko! Hou!"

More shots of the same type send her rolling back even farther. She wants nothing more than to gallop and wallop the guy, but he doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon.

"Ki! ... Ko! ... Hou!"

She slides back further, finding it difficult just to lift a hoof in the midst of that yellow Ki.

"Ki! ... Ko! ... Hou!"

One more strike sends her landing on her back and then flipping over to slide along her belly. The beam attacks seem to be taking a break. Are they done yet?

"Kikohou."

She yells in frustration as the last blast sends her hurtling into her barn. The whole structure falls down into a crumbled mess of wood and hinges. Meanwhile, Tenshinhan is breathing extra heavily right about now. His shoulders sag with each breath. All three of his eyes slowly close. He collapses onto his chest, grunting for his life to hang on just a little longer.

A bit of the rubble from the destroyed barn shakes. Applejack crawls out. She's covered with bruises, yet she tuckers on. Slowly, she trots the several yards it takes to reach the man. Breathing heavily, she slowly places her hoof right onto his back. Tien's next breath is exhaled more gently.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

This pony keeps winning every time she shows up on this ridiculous mockery of our actual show.

This match was a lot closer than you'd think. While Tenshinhan had the advantage of flight, mobility, and projectiles, he does not have the best track record when it comes to strategic planning. While tenacity is what has allowed Goku to win some of the more impossible fights, that kind of attitude has landed Tien into more trouble than what it was worth.

He tried going in with fists flying despite the Androids totally wrecking Vegeta's arms. That required some Sensu treatment after they left him for dead. And it happened again after his bad*ss moment against the semi-perfect Cell.

While holding off Cell is impressive, he didn't actually have enough force to kill Cell, despite the ability to destroy pretty much everything else around him.

But why couldn't Tien kill a pony if Yamcha could kill twenty pink ones on his own?

Funny you should mention that. As it turns out, Applejack is a little more durable than your average Mirror Pool clone. Take for example the time she was within the same vicinity as a certain other pony that can fly faster than sound. When Rainbow Dash was assigned to tear down an old barn, she didn't take the reasonable approach with a sledgehammer. No, she weakened down the support with kicking, biting, and finally a direct assault with an explosion on par with her Sonic Rainboom.

Oh yeah! I remember that thing that's supposed to break both the sound barrier and the freaking light spectrum!

Reasonably speaking, that helmet that Applejack was wearing would not have been enough to save an ordinary pony such a short distance away from the aftershock within the same vicinity as that explosion. That's not even including the pile of debris that abruptly landed on top of her after that.

And then she just popped right back up and jumped out of the ditch! No broken bones or anything!

If that isn't enough to show her physics-defying durability, then watch this scene from the second half of "Twilight's Kingdom". Tirek was holding all of Twilight's friends as hostages in exchange for her alicorn magic. When he released them, he didn't politely lower them to the ground. He dropped them from a height greater than the top of his horns at the time. Taking into account Equestria's apparently high gravitational force and comparing heights, Applejack's impact with the ground should have left her completely crippled. But no, she's in relatively stable health when she asks about Discord giving them the last key.

And that was without her earth pony power supporting her at the time. Just imagine how much more durable she is with her full strength.

Unfortunately for Tien, his best attack ended up being his biggest downfall. Overusing the Kikohou killed him faster than it would his enemy.

Tien just Kikohou-dn't make AJ buy the farm.

The winner is Applejack.

---Death Battle---

Applejack lifts Tien's arm over herself. She slowly drags him down a long dirt path. A hospital stands in the distance.

"What are you... doing?" It hurts Tien to breathe.

"I think we've both had enough of the world shoving us to the side." She gives a small smile to her would-be attacker. "How's about we go find something more productive to kick once we've gotten ourselves patched up?"

Tien lets out a pained chuckle before laughing a bit more lightheartedly.

"Kudos!"

Author's Note

That's all for now. Carry on.

Lightning Round: Everything Wrong With "Get Over Here!"

"Formatting" can be set to whatever, though I recommend setting it to "Dark" due to some brightly colored text.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Vague statement about things and people is vague.
(1)

Double Lightning Round!

Here, all fights are conducted without waiting for analysis.

Yet we have to wait for your mildly narrative intro.

(1)

Four Fighters!

All Action!

No Research!

Actually, you research just enough moves so that you can remotely describe what certain characters are doing during the fights.
(2)

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

What clock? I don't see any clock.

(2)

(Two Hellish Tales)

---Scorpion vs. Hellfire---

Oh, that's such an original name for an OC pony.

(3)

Wind blows through a dark, cloudy sky. A lone, hooded unicorn stands at the base of Canterlot's mountain. His red muzzle sticks out, however, and clenches into a snarl. He's through waiting for his family to return. Now, he seeks revenge against whomever has wronged him.

Narration.
(3)

The sound of footsteps against gravel catches his attention. A masked ninja with glazed over eyes and a passion for yellow clothing walks into view. Neither of them seems entirely happy with the other presence.

Well, duh. Demons of vengeance have no joy.
(4)

Get ready to feel the heat!

Seriously? That's the best opening announcement you could come up with?

(4)

Fight!

Hellfire's hood flaps a little as his horn glows. Barely a second passes before he emits a giant fiery spell. Scorpion unleashes his own fireball. The two attacks collide in an explosion of backfire. Little embers rain across the barren field. That's when Scorpion unleashes his chain-linked dart and snags the stallion's chest.

"Get over here!"

Scorpion quickly reels his opponent in close. He then delivers an uppercut right to the pony's chin. It almost looks like there's a bit of broken jaw as the enemy is sent skyward. However, Hellfire just shakes away the pain before firing more hot blasts from his horn.

It's possible to shake off a broken jaw, but not like that.
(5)

Down below, Scorpion runs and dodges to the side of the incoming flame bursts. With some unnatural obedience to gravity, Hellfire swings down and flips over himself before slamming his back hoof against the ninja's head. Scorpion yelps at the force of impact and collides face-first into the ground. Hellfire then gets ready to stomp both of his front hooves down. But a sudden burning hand springs up and grabs him by the neck.

"You will join me in Hell."

A wall of hot fire surrounds the two combatants. With barely a nudge from his arms, Scorpion drags them far beneath anywhere that Earth Realm can reach. The stallion roars at his instant trip.

The trip to the Nether Realm was never instant. It usually takes at least twenty seconds.

(5)

The arena is shifted to an almost volcanic chamber. However, it is much hotter and emptier than Earth's mantle. Columns are stacked that look like they are made of bones. One stone pillar actually has a group of souls dangling on spikes for eternity. In any case, the two combatants appear on a conveniently straight and narrow path of solidified magma.

Hellfire spits to the side as he pulls out a weapon more akin to ceremonial blades. He gallops forth and tries to skewer his enemy. But by lifting his hands in the air, Scorpion's power conjures forth some red-hot spikes in multiple directions. One of these spikes catches an opening in Hellfire's weapon and stops his charge short of a stab. The ninja clenches his fists, engulfing the pony in a giant fire.

Using this moment of distraction, Scorpion pulls out two swords and swings them at his opponent. But in an instant of inferno, Hellfire teleports and reappears behind. He then proceeds to levitate the yellow-clad ninja up and over his head. This happens for three quick slams against the solid path. He then floats him over one side with the lava and releases his magic hold.

While falling, Scorpion growls in his demonic voice before launching two roped kunai. These knives sink into Hellfire's neck and chest before the ropes pull him off the path. Both combatants land in the molten pool beneath them. Their combined yells of pain make this scene unbearable.

Unbearable to whom?
(6)

There is a lot of bubbling against the lava's surface as their bodies melt away to charred bones. Suddenly, a burst of fire erupts along the path. Scorpion stands and raises his arms, more pissed off than anything else.

Fatality!

This round's victory goes to... Scorpion!

Oh, pshaw! You're just a Mortal Kombat fanboy, aren't you?

(6)

(Because they won't wait their turn...)

---LittleshyFiM vs. LowPonView---

Wait...

... what?

You're making us fight...

... each other?

How is this supposed to work?

You can't make us fight if you've never actually seen us before.

Exactly. Besides, we know who would win in a match between the two of us.

Yeah, it'd be me.

Right! Wait... what are you talking about?

Well, unlike you, I've actually gotten the chance to see my opponent. Your build just isn't a match for me.

What? Don't be ridiculous. I eat whole-grains every day.

Sure, but I don't see any muscle besides the ones in your mouth.

Hey, at least I have a ponysona. You're just ripping off Diamond Tiara and Sweetie Belle at the same time.

Oh, yeah? Bring it on, you rip-off of Cinema Sins!

Fine then, I challenge you to a sin-off!

Give me a challenge, why don't you?

Go for broke!

Debate!

Pinkie Pie has many things, but none of those is access to a television's rewind button.
(7)

Who the heck is "Saix"?

(7)

Discord's weakness against Shadow is poorly portrayed.
(8)

Wow, you're an even bigger pansy than Fluttershy to force Kirby to lose like that.

(8)

Sonic the Hedgehog's light-speed attack would have actually been more than a match for Rainbow Dash's Rainboom.
(9)

Who the heck is "Divine"?

(9)

Some time later...

Darth Vader would never lose to Nightmare Moon.
(69)

Tien would never lose... ever.

(69)

Oh, now who is the DBZ fanboy?
(70)

At least I'm not a Star Wars nerd... although Yoda kicks everyone's butt.

(70)

Objection overruled!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have... a tie.

Who is he talking to?
(71)

Fourth wall humor is bad and you should feel bad.

(71)

Sin total: 142

Sentence: The way of the forgotten chapter: Storm Troopers vs. Royal Guard

(Warning: Avoid clicking that link for your own good.)

Author's Note

I meant no disrespect to LittleShyFiM and LowPonView, of course.

Side Battle: White Snow and a Reflection

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to "Dark" for optimal reading experience. Thank you.

A/N: What is a person without at least some amount of an ego made manifest? When you find out, let me know. Meanwhile, I'll be throwing in another character of my own into the fray. Admittedly, I also wanted to get a RWBY character in here somehow.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Monty Oum, RoosterTeeth, and TundraStanza.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

(Side)

Wait, but the English translation for Weiss Schnee is... uh-oh. This will get really confusing, really quickly.

Fire is hot. There's no denying that. But there are times where one must acknowledge that ice is cool.

Such as these two swordswomen that wield the cold... among other things.

Weiss Schnee: The privileged, yet hardworking student in RWBY!

White Snow: An aspect of Tundra that got away from him and became a new mare of her own.

Now, the research doesn't show everything that we'll need, so we've taken the liberty of appropriating some secret files tucked deep within the mind of our ugly director.

A/N: What? Hey! Give those back!

Do you want an awesome fight or don't you?

A/N: I... ugh. Fine, go ahead.

*Ahem* Anyway, he's F and I'm N, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Weiss Schnee
-Heir to the Schnee Dust Co.
-Has a... complicated history with the Faunus
-Attends Beacon Academy as a student Huntress; second member of Team RWBY
-Weapon of choice: Myrtenaster the Dust rapier, with fire and ice options for bullets
-Talent in Glyphs: Ice, push, pull, speed
-Her aura is strong enough to withstand hits from a giant mech
-Somewhat lacking in physical strength, and tires easily
-Patience is limited in regards to her leader's antics

"Aren't you a little young to be attending Beacon Academy?"

Weiss Schnee is one of a few heirs to the Schnee family, and was going to be in line to take over her father's Dust Company.

Whilst there, she sort of developed a... cautious attitude toward Faunus, people with visibly animal-like body parts.

Though, her story quickly brings her into attending Beacon Academy so that she could learn to be a Huntress.

Just to make things all the more confusing, her first initial became the second initial in a color-coordinated team called RWBY, which just so happened to be led by a scarlet-dressed girl named Ruby. Oum darn it!

You're not the only one who is frustrated. Weiss was initially frustrated by every last thing that Ruby did. There still is some of that, though she seems to be a bit more used to it rather than shouting out her annoyance.

Can we just skip ahead to the sword and elemental *ess*?

Sure. Weiss is a left-handed duelist and wields Myrtenaster, a rapier that also doubles as a gun. Additionally, its revolver-esque chamber carries Dust for some extra offensive options such as fire and ice.

And she can do some weird magic-like stuff!

A common trait among Huntresses is their ability to manipulate their aura, allowing them to defend against fatal attacks and heal minor wounds. On top of that, Weiss is naturally gifted at using various forms of Glyphs during combat.

You think seeing Twilight break gravity is impressive? Try bouncing off of thin air like Pinkie Pie bounces off of walls! In addition to jumping around like Mario if he had more weed than usual, she can also push enemies away, hang them like the British, or rip-off Sonic's super speed.

She is also quite calm in battle situations, easily out-strategizing enemies wielding chainsaws or giant mechs. However, this does not always translate to the rest of her life where she tires out easily. She is possibly the weakest of her team when it comes to pure strength.

Hey, you don't need bulging biceps to sing a lovely high note.

"It's exactly as you said. I'm a Schnee. I have a legacy to uphold. Once I figured out I was capable of fighting, there was no longer a question of what I should do with my life. It was my duty."

---Death Battle---

White Snow
-Winged unicorn
-Age: 25+ years
-Relationship status: Married to Zephyr Ward, a "pegasus" changeling (no horn)
-Special talent: Singing and guitar playing
-Also a Soul defender; wields Sode no Shirayuki, a katana capable of ice and wind powers
-Adept at Kido incantations: fire, lightning, full-defense
-Her Flash Step technique makes her nearly invisible by running so fast
-Final Release: "Kazekage, Sode no Shirayuki"; her sword takes a form similar to Kitana's fans, while her two consciences merge into one
-Has no earth pony super strength
-Has a tendency to use up too much of her energy in certain fights

"How's it going, Zephy?"

At first glance, you might think this is nothing more than your standard, bad alicorn OC... and you'd be right. White Snow and the unoriginal character dubbed "Tundra Stanza" were once one and the same. But things quickly changed when one of them became the focus of a role-playing crossover universe.

The re-written backstory of White Snow starts her out as an innocent young filly, who gets promptly ripped from her comfortable life by a still unnamed enemy. Whoever it was, they were interested in re-creating the Nightmare that infected Luna and forced her to be banished nearly one thousand years prior. To this end, the entity ripped White's very soul in half, creating two byproducts.

The first product was a pseudo-Nightmare that went on a little destruction spree, tearing up most of White's birth home, including her childhood friend Sweet Blizzard. The other was the equivalent of the zombie that Roxas was during his first week in Organization XIII.

Yet, this half of White managed to survive her empty wandering for twenty years before stumbling into a town full of friendly ponies. After being welcomed by the local charismatic pony and a musical number, White breathed in new life and discovered her talent for singing.

But the pseudo-Nightmare half wasn't quite done yet. Its quest eventually took it into the town's local library, where it possessed the sole unicorn resident. Then, Spider-Man took the Symbiote back from Eddie and faced a mental trial.

Well... you're close. After White Snow's two halves were reunited, she managed to pull a new source of power out of the sea of her soul, the blade known as Sode no Shirayuki. Later on, she would find out that it was actually the will of her late mother, dedicated to protecting White and it was responsible for helping keep the mind-numb half of White alive for so many years.

Then they fought some skeletal horrors, formed a superhero team with some other ponies, and went on several tours performing her songs. Oh, and White Snow got hitched to a changeling and they had a kid.

Um, aren't you oversimplifying things just a bit?

Hey, we barely gave any backstory to her canon character of an opponent. We should really get to her killing potential sometime this century.

Alright, fine. Contrary to her appearance, she's actually a winged unicorn as opposed to a full-fledged alicorn. While she can use some magic and fly fairly comfortably, she doesn't have the strength that could directly be tied to that of an earth pony. A princess, she is not.

Still, she's got a bunch of powers I swear I've seen somewhere else before. She can run faster than the eye can track, shoot fire and lightning with a couple Japanese words, conjure up an invincible shield that only faces one direction, and use her own spiritual pressure to minimize damage that she takes.

Additionally, Sode no Shirayuki grants her control over moves that utilize ice and wind, so much so that extremely weaker enemies can be frozen solid.

And that power can be jacked up to 11 with her final form!

The final release allows White to tap into the full power she inherited from her mother. Her weapon becomes Kazekage, Sode no Shirayuki, or the "Wind Shadow, Sleeve of White Snow". Along with its deadly twin-fan blade appearance, this power also adds a white kimono to her outfit and fuses the minds of White and Shirayuki into a new mare with the sole purpose of finishing off her foe.

Basically, whatever gets in the mare's way during this release is going to die a cold, miserable death. Is there anything that can overtake this alicorn wannabe?

Well, she has had trouble when enemies could match or surpass her high speed. Additionally, she has a tendency to use up a lot of spiritual energy all at once when she's fighting more challenging foes, which is usually when her friends have had to step in and help her out.

Sounds like she's got a Tony Stark complex. Well, let's see if she can beat the competition before she tires herself out.

"Things keep coming up. They're kind of unpredictable like that."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Shoes step loudly against a dark-tiled floor. While that goes on, the camera pans across a large stained glass window, depicting several snowflakes. The first contestant passes by a pillar when the sound of something large crashes from above. It's a Grimm. The girl draws her sword and takes her stance. Her expression depicts one whose time is being wasted. The beast raises its giant paw.

Cut to black. There are two slashing curves that flash against the dark backdrop. The external skull cracks in several places as the beast falls over itself. Two swords of different build shine brightly as the scene of the big room comes back into view. The girl turns around as the chamber of her weapon spins.

"Identify yourself!" she demands.

The other figure appears to be of opposite colors. A long purple mane flows to the side of a black pony. She slowly turns around, balancing on three legs while using one hoof to hold her katana. She lets out one quick chuckle.

"Wow, rude much?" she retorts.

"Oh, that was quite polite actually," argues the girl. "Would you like to see rude?"

The stands get crazy with several creatures from many different universes all somehow sitting together. Two of which happen to resemble their holo-weight simulations about to do battle. However, the pony motions with her hoof before she walks away from the crowd. The girl in white hesitates before following after her. Soon, they're in a hallway where the fans' shouting isn't so overpowering.

"You don't want to find out how the battle turns out?" wonders the girl.

"Nah," dismisses the mare. "Seeing an alternate version of myself get decapitated once is enough." She points over to a room with a few flashing arcade games that aren't in use. "Battles only make up one aspect of us. I hear you're also a pretty good singer. I wanted to see how good you really are."

One of the machines displays the name "Soloist Hero" in flashy font. A couple toy microphones are set up on either side. The pony trots up to one of the microphones and adjusts the angle.

"So, would you be up to the challenge, Ms. Schnee?" The pony smiles.

The girl walks over and takes hold of the other microphone. "Perhaps I would be, Ms. Snow."

The song gently begins with a piano's solo. The singers' inquiries toward a mirror start out just as gently. Soon, however, the singing prompts for either player get more intense.

"FIGHT!"

A careful sidestep from Weiss soon turns into a charging thrust. White Snow gallops forward in response. Their blades cross and swing around. From there, it becomes just as much of a battle for the camera to track the speed of each of their swings as it is for the combatants to keep the other from getting in a solid hit.

Metal clangs against metal. Thrusts are parried. Feints are twirled around. White even flies over while swinging downward as Weiss does a back flip to keep her own weapon in a strong defensive hold. More spins and hits like this make this battle seem like a dance. Speaking of which...

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!" White's blade seems to grow paler, and emitting an aura that chills the very air around it.

At the same time, Weiss triggers her power to create white circles underneath her feet. She pushes herself forward with newfound speed. White's next few katana swings release some waves of snow-filled winds. Circles appear on either side of the aisle as Weiss uses them to bounce from side to side, narrowly dodging White's cold attacks. The girl clicks her weapon's chamber to a set crystal, and pulls its trigger.

White's eyes open wide just as she cries out, "Danku!"

A sheet of see-through void splits the air, barely stopping the incoming gunshots from reaching her. Weiss only seems slightly miffed as she bounces off another white circle to dash around the barrier. She thrusts with her rapier. It nicks White against the neck before the pony manages to push it away with her katana. The two of them exchange some more sword clashes. Although now, a few of those thrusts are peppered with gunshots. A couple of those blasts hit White in some painful places.

"Shakkahou!"

White conjures a few red fiery orbs and launches them. In a shocked response, Weiss fires a few icy bullets that explode on contact with the incoming fire blasts.

Weiss follows up by conjuring several circles around the sanctuary-turned-arena. It seems she has a plan to attack rapid-fire from multiple angles. White grunts a little... and vanishes.

Weiss's eyes open wide. "What the-?"

The pony reappears from above and slashes against the girl, interrupting her strategy. This technique makes it next to impossible to track her movements as her sword swings come in from all over the place. Weiss barely manages to correctly block two of the strikes. The rest leave her with some bleeding gashes as she tumbles along the floor. Slowly, and struggling, she uses the support of her weapon to stand back up.

White reappears in front of the snowflake windows. She isn't looking too hot either. The gunshots from earlier now give her a couple of bleeding holes to worry about. She's also breathing pretty heavily from using her Flash Step so many times at once. They both need to release just a little more of their potential, or risk falling dead on the floor.

The pony holds up her weapon at a sideways angle. "Bankai!"

There is a rush of extremely powerful spiritual pressure emerging from that pony. It's enough to shatter the stained glass behind her, and displace a lot of the floor underneath. After a surge of frigid cold winds leave, a somewhat different pony stands in White's place. It's still her... and yet it isn't. She is now clothed in white robes, and her weapon has taken the form of two fold-up fans tipped with blades. She opens her eyes with a forest green burning sensation.

Weiss is confused, but not enough to distract her completely. She holds up her rapier, and her aura glows brightly around her. The bleeding slows down near her big wounds, while a smaller cut on her cheek closes up completely. Her faded blue eyes stare unflinchingly at her opponent, in spite of the thin and bloody trail running down the left side of her face.

The mare opens her fans and makes a sweeping motion, filling the entire chamber with the force of a blizzard. Weiss runs around and rolls around the sides of several pews to avoid the worst of the snowstorm. A slightly different spin is made by the pony, creating a large tornado to form in the center of the arena. Its incredible wind speed pulls in everything but its caster.

After a few dizzying spins, Weiss squints and manages to catch sight of her opponent. She casts forth her power, summoning several small circles. But instead of creating bounce pads, these circles somehow lift the pony off her hooves and hang her upside-down. The tornado subsides and Weiss aims her weapon straight into the floor. The impact sends a shock wave of ice to surround the hanging victim.

She pulls her sword up and spins its chamber one more time. "Allez!"

Her gun fires with a force twice as large as it was before. It shatters her conjured ice, along with the pony's head. What's left of the body falls onto the ground on top of the Grimm's corpse. Weiss sighs as her extra aura fades.

"K.O.!"

White falls to her knees, breathing heavily. The score shows a higher amount on her singing partner's side of the screen. Weiss gently sets her microphone down.

"Better luck next time," she says with care before walking away. She mutters, "I need some water."

White sits with her head lowered. She sighs at her defeat. A changeling that was off screen trots over and gives her a hug.

---Death Battle---

I guess the Frenchmen can brag to the Samurai order now.

Technically, White is older and has more years of fighting experience than Weiss. However, the younger girl didn't make it to second on a Huntress team for nothing. Her aura and Glyph powers were more than a match for White's spirit-based moves and Flash Step.

While both of them have contended with creatures with external face bones on a regular basis, the key difference rested in where their fatigue was most obvious. While Weiss tires herself out in other aspects of life, she doesn't let that show when she's in the midst of an important fight. This gave her a slight edge while White was busy using up too much energy during the fight.

And although White's biggest threats that she's overcome are nothing to take lightly, none of them quite stack up to the force thrown by the giant mech that Weiss was able to defeat by herself.

White was hanging in there... but then she had to Schneeze.

The winner is Weiss Schnee.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Sorry lil' guy. Beating up you is like stepping on a little kitten."

Author's Note

I probably had way more fun writing that up than I had any right to.

You Shall Be Equalized

Advisory: For optimal reading experience, set "Formatting" to "Dark". Thank you.

A/N: Thank you, Leslie. I shall take this under consideration.
Warning! Potential spoilers ahead!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nickelodeon.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Every system has its strengths, but it's way easier to see the faults in other systems.

Common goals can pave the path toward new alliances and camaraderie. But sometimes, a calm and cold hearted mind can mold those goals into a much more eerie cause.

Amon, the leader of the Equalists in Legend of Korra.

Starlight Glimmer of... "Our Town". Um... doesn't it have a better name?

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Amon
-Actual identity: Noatak
-Water bender; can move water in any conceivable fashion or shape with his mind
-Blood bender; can move any enemies with blood coursing through their veins; can do so without any gestures beyond his eyes
-Often misguides his enemies' attacks to leisurely move out of the way
-Pseudo-energy locking; can blood bend a specific chi point in the forehead to block another person's bending
-Despises all bending because it drove his father mad
-Led an entire anti-bending group of people known as the Equalists
-His ability to stop bending does not work on air benders

Amon is the terrifying and faceless mastermind setting up base underneath Republic City, and was intent on destroying all forms of bending.

But before he became the terror of the new Avatar's nightmares, he was once an innocent boy named Noatak. Noatak was the older of two siblings and a natural water bender. Noatak's father Yakone was found guilty of a crime that involved blood bending, a forbidden and dangerous art that was thought to only be possible on the night of a full moon.

Which is complete bull**** because Katara was able to do it that one time on a captain's ship in the middle of an afternoon.

Seeing the threat that Noatak's father posed, the adult Aang used his energy bending ability to take away his bending entirely. Yakone ended up in the midst of the Northern Water tribe, married, and had two sons.

Even though Daddy Dearest lost his bending, that somehow didn't prevent him from passing his bending powers to his next of kin, including the blood bending.

While his brother struggled to use the power and even begged to stop being forced to do so, Noatak enjoyed the art. Soon he was capable of bending the blood inside animals without any visible motions.

D**n! I was kidding that one time I said somebody should learn how to kill a man in a staring contest.

Despite his natural prowess in the art, Noatak resented his father and ran away from home. His hatred festered into loathing all forms of bending, specifically those forced upon him by his father and the Avatar, whom he blamed for driving his father into that obsession in the first place.

Later, he'd start a career of Masquerades leading those poor souls who couldn't bend any element of their own to turn their hatred against all of their oppressive, bending brethren. While his henchmen are slick acrobats that each carry two chi-blocking cattle prods, Amon prefers to face his prey alone.

He is quick enough to react to an enemy's movements, even dodging lightning bolts with ease. Combined with his ability to blood bend his opponents with just his mind, he created the illusion that he was a non-bender just like the rest of his Equalists. But he took his blood bending one step further.

With a precise touch of his thumb against a sucker's forehead, he can actually stop all of that person's bending powers... permanently. Well, except for the new Avatar. Spoiler alert: She's kind of got the plot backing her up with a good old helping of lazy writing.

It gets even more terrifying. Even though his brother eventually mastered the basics of blood bending, Amon was able to blood bend himself to keep walking forward even when all of his henchmen were being pressed into the ground.

Plus, when his cover was blown, he was still able to bend water to save himself from drowning.

However, that does bring up the subject of his weaknesses. He needs to breathe oxygen like any other man, he has difficulty combating the moves of air benders, and he cannot actually bend energy like he kept claiming to his followers. In fact, he has no actual care for the non-benders that support him. He just wanted the rest of the world to stop having bending powers, which would have eventually left him as the only bender in existence.

I'm just glad he can't stop my kind of bending if you know what I'm saying.

Unfortunately, I do know.

"What are you?"

"I am the solution."

---Death Battle---

Starlight Glimmer
-Unicorn pony with an adept pool of magic
-Magic abilities fall just short of Princess Twilight's
-Intense focus and impossibly fast reflexes
-Can freeze enemies solid or even steal their cutie mark
-Unless cutie marks are sealed inside magic glass, they will return to the original owner within a few seconds
-Can levitate herself to imitate flight
-Blames all cutie marks for separating her from her first friend
-Is incredibly dense when it comes to understanding the consequences of her actions

Starlight Glimmer was a calm, yet forceful leader of a town, dedicated to removing all newcomers' cutie marks.

But before she became Aria Blaze's illegitimate twin sister, she was once an innocent young book nerd who was friends with another bookworm named Sunburst. That thesaurus must be seeing a lot of wear and tear over at Hasbro.

Starlight was almost crushed by a tall stack of books, but Sunburst came to her rescue. After he did so, he got his cutie mark and immediately ran out to show his parents. Heartbroken at this new difference she had from her friend, Starlight came to loathe cutie marks as a whole and started her own village with the sole intent of taking away the marks from any who felt that differences only led to suffering.

Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense. You're telling me that in this partly medieval, partly magical, partly mixed technology land, that she really had no way of contacting and maintaining a long-distance relationship with Sunburst? She didn't even try one snail mail letter! I mean, come on!

As lacking as her reasoning may hold in Equestria's practicalities, Starlight became convinced that the only way harmony could exist was if every pony had no cutie mark.

And she replaced them with my worst enemy in life: Math!

Well, it's more like a very limiting force in the form of an equal sign. Any time a pony with that same symbol tried to exert their true talent, it forced them to tone it down so that they would be more of an 'average' standing.

So, if I had one of those equal signs on my butt, would my shotgun get downgraded to a wimpy pistol every time I tried to fire it?

I guess we'll never know now. After Fluttershy and Party Favor managed to expose that Starlight actually still had her cutie mark, the former leader lost control of her townsfolk and they managed to break her vault, get back their cutie marks, and return the favor to the Main Six by stopping Starlight and freeing their cutie marks from the unexplained captivity of glass jars.

But, that wouldn't be the last they'd see of her. After escaping into a system of caves, Starlight eventually stalked Twilight Sparkle in various locations, found a copy of Starswirl's time spell, and rewrote the whole d**n thing! What kind of crap is that? It wasn't enough that she now has spells on par with the Princess of Friendship, so she needed to be handed the power of time loops on a silver platter?

As overpowered as she may seem, she did appear to have a limit on her magic as seen by how exhausted she was after a duel with Princess Twilight. Plus, she was originally much farther behind her study of magic than Twilight who by the Season premiere's end had nearly mastered the Magic of Friendship. Still, learning all of those new spells such as magical flight in the span of one season shows that she holds a lot of potential compared to the average unicorn.

Yeah, potentially lazy writing! Even when faced with an alternate future where she successfully stops the Sonic Rainboom, which essentially resembled the end result of a nuclear apocalypse, she still couldn't understand that Twilight and her friends were the main characters and their victories were vital to Equestria's peaceful and harmonious state.

Well as Alfred Pennyworth eloquently put it, "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

"Cutie marks for cutie marks! Sounds like a fair trade to me!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

There's a quick "Season 5 Finale Spoiler Alert" tag that blinks on and off in neon lights. Though, the entire card is quickly ripped away to reveal the back of a unicorn's head. The clouds blot out most of the light, whether it's sunlight or moonlight. Winds blow furiously against this wasteland, scattering dust in every direction.

"Where are we?!" demands the unicorn.

"This is the future," says the other pony near the map, "or rather, the present."

"But there's nothing here!" The unicorn rudely points out.

"I wish I could say I was surprised, but-"

Whatever the princess has to say is interrupted by a giant tidal wave. She and her assistant dragon scream and yelp as the they get swept out of the scene. Meanwhile, the unicorn has the bright idea to surround herself with a aquamarine layer of magic and fly up. Eventually, the water passes to a slightly more reasonable river next to the round table map.

Starlight gently lands on top of the map and tries to get a good look at where the water originated. The camera follows the path of her gaze until the audience can see a hooded man. He wears a mask very reminiscent of the legion called Anonymous. While the dust is mostly clear from the air, the wind is still unpleasant.

"I see the impurities infect beyond the barrier of species," comments the man in a deep voice.

"Who... What are you?" asks the unicorn in annoyance. "And what do you mean?"

"Don't worry, little narwhal-horse." The masked man clenches his fists to his sides. "I will help you like no one else can."

"FIGHT!"

A moment passes where just the wind blows. The pony's mane and the man's cloak flap rapidly due to the push of the surrounding air. They stare at each other for a while. Finally, Amon calmly walks toward the table. The camera takes his point of view, looking through the eye holes of his mask. A muffled breathing can be heard as there is a slightly regular up and down motion. Then, the camera immediately switches over to look at Starlight.

"I don't know what kind of 'help' you're talking about," she says, "but I want no part of it."

Her horn glows and fires a few spells in the general direction of her new enemy. Amon barely flinches as he sidesteps around one spell after the other. He then breaks into a sprint, reaching a hand across the map that Starlight is standing on. Her horn glows into a small barrier that barely lasts for more than a second. It manages to push Amon back a few feet.

However, he twitches his arm ever so slightly. Starlight gasps as it suddenly feels like the blood squeezes together inside her veins and pulls her off the table. Whatever Amon is doing sends her tumbling across the wasteland's ground. He performs a finger taunt and she's pulled again to sit right in front of him. He holds her steady with his eyes as he reaches out a thumb to her forehead.

"You shall be cleansed of your poisonous powers," he insists before pressing his thumb against her head, toppling her over.

Starlight lands on her side, coughing and gasping for breath. Amon looks down at his presumably powerless opponent. He turns around, intent to go about his way. However, he's suddenly surrounded in a faint glow as light blue beam channels into his back. The camera pans slightly to see a smirking unicorn.

"I don't know what you think you did," she admits, "but the only one who'll be losing their cutie mark talent today is you."

Amon struggles to move. It takes a lot of concentrated effort just to move his head and turn to look at the pony. He squints. Some of the dirty water in the nearby river swirls up. It seems to stream around in a curved path before smacking Starlight upside the head. She flinches, releasing Amon from her stationary spell. Free for the moment, he turns around to face her completely.

"It seems I underestimated you," he concedes. "However, I won't make that same mistake again."

He attempts to yank her veins around again. But this time, she surrounds herself in a magic aura and moves in directions throughout the air where she wants to go instead. She lets out a laugh before firing a spell beam right down at him. Amon takes a quick step to the side and then pulls out more of the river to fling in quick lashing motions.

She levitates herself around into various postures to avoid the water whips entirely. She fires more spells in his direction. He dodges out of the way. He tries bending more water at her and to make her blood obey his command. She flies around and magically pulls herself out of his mental grasp.

Eventually, both of them are standing atop the map. She casts a spell to hold him in place. However, with her magic concentrated like it is, this gives Amon an inadvertently free opening. He uses his mind to blood bend her into an uncomfortable posture, pushing her face against the table.

Growling, Starlight casts a spell directly down at the map itself. The sound effects guy plays with a lot of noises that imitate the ticking of various clocks simultaneously. Both Starlight and Amon get sucked upwards through a portal in the shape of half an hourglass.

Another portal in that same shape appears just above Cloudsdale of the past. Amon lands on the solid road with painted lines like a bad*ss. He looks around, wondering where he is. But that thoughtful question is rudely interrupted by one more spell that freezes him in a block of crystal. Oddly enough, it has enough force to knock him over so that the side of the crystal with his back is resting right on top of a cloud. He's slowly falling through the softer material.

"Ha ha ha!" cackles Starlight as she floats herself just above the Equalist crystal she made. "I can't believe you fell for that."

There's a muffled growl from underneath the mask. Amon's eyes open really wide. One of them even pulses red, like his own blood is pressured too high. Starlight's bout of maniacal laughter is interrupted by a sudden feeling of being lightheaded. Actually, it feels like all of her limbs are simultaneously heavier. She can't even scream. Why, everything feels like it's being pulled away from the center of her body at once. It's like she's going to-

*Pop*

Amon's severe blood bending rips off all four of Starlight's legs and her head in different directions. But as he finishes off his enemy, the cloud decides that it can no longer hold his weight and the crystal that he's frozen inside. The camera stays above him and watches him fall farther and farther away.

After a second or two, there is the distant sound of glass breaking. Swiveling around, the camera looks up to let the audience see the explosion of filly Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom.

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Holy crap! That was brutal!

No kidding, B. As it turns out, Starlight and Amon were matched up quite well.

How the hell does a guy who led the Avatar-verse version of the Black Ops and practically brought Republic City to its knees fail to beat a pony that only had a small town to her name?

While their leadership and ability to sway others to their vaguely defined causes may not be statistically comparable, their own natural abilities are. Starlight may have a spell that can remove cutie marks, but that doesn't really have any place against a non-pony opponent. Likewise, Amon's technique that blocks bending was useless against Starlight since her magic does not fit the molds of any of the bending types in Avatar.

So removing what they couldn't do to each other left us to compare what they can do to each other.

Both of them could fight each other at long range and each of them had the reflexes to dodge each other's attacks.

With the question of straight-up brawling answered, that left their possibly deadliest moves. Amon doesn't need his arms to bend blood. All he has to do is just look at you funny, and you're pretty much at his mercy.

And while Starlight's freezing spells can be overpowered by magic users of equal or greater power, Amon's bending abilities do not include magic. So, inside a crystal environment without air, he would most likely suffocate. Honestly, a fall from the sky while being stuck like that would be a quicker and merciful death.

In the end, they both fell to pieces.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

I suppose I have a bit of explaining to do as to why my previous "Next Time" regarding Pinkie Pie vs. Spider-Man turned out to be slightly deviated. I've at least got an idea of how that one is going to go, but it's not quite done yet. So in the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to release battles as soon as I am able and have the inspirational energy to make them happen. Of course, real life can throw me off at any given time, so I won't make any promises right now.

Have a good day/night, folks!

Lightning Round: Gods of Other Gods

Set "Formatting" to your suitable preferences prior to reading.

Properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights are conducted without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

(Warhammer Meets Mjolnir)

---God Empress Celestia vs. Thor: God of Thunder---

It is a calm morning. Princess Celestia is raising the sun as she does every morning. Philomena observes from atop her cage. There seems to be no way that this peace could possibly be disturbed. Oh, who am I kidding? A loud, masculine voice disturbs the tranquility.

"Imperium!"

For the first time in millennia, her magic falters a bit. Quickly, she guides the sun back to its proper path. However, in the midst of her calm, collected posture, her eyes shake slightly. She yanks open her wardrobe and uncovers the fake back panel.

"Philomena," she says while levitating several items out that can only be seen as outlined shapes. "Please inform Felix that Luna is in charge of the tasks for today. I have... an urgent call to take."

Before the phoenix can squawk an objection, Celestia has galloped out to her balcony and taken to the sky. Her items are now more of a solid unit all over her. The princess disappears in an explosive teleportation spell that creates an aftershock through the air.

Philomena warbles and sighs. It isn't that she hates Felix. She just really can't stand the sight of that bat.

A dark and stormy cloud hovers over a plateau. Atop that rock, a man with rippling muscles stands, covered in a suit of silver armor and a red cape. He holds a tiny hammer in hand, though it seems to hold a lot of gravity upon the weather.

A loud explosion is matched with a golden light. The other armored entity enters the arena. Each piece that she wears is somehow gold-er than gold. Her weapon of choice is a golden axe that she levitates at her side.

"Are you the one they call 'Celestia'?" asks the caped Avenger. "I am Thor, Prince of Asgard. In my home, it is customary to greet powerful warriors in combat."

Celestia's normally magenta eyes have a slight, bluish tint to them as she stares unwavering. "You do not wish to fight me."

Thor slams the head of his hammer against the palm of his opposite hand. "That is not your choice to make!"

Triumph or die!

Go for it!

The god of thunder shouts a battle cry. He takes a running start and swings his hammer. The god empress deflects it with a swing of her axe. Grunting in confusion, the man tries swinging it again. This is met with a similar deflection maneuver from the pony. However, after ten more collisions of their weapons, the axe is the first to break. Its head goes flying a couple miles away from the plateau.

"Your pitiful weapon cannot hope to stand against Mjolnir!" boasts Thor.

His next swing is at her directly. However, a golden spherical barrier instantly appears around her. The impact with the spell causes the god of thunder to reel back from the recoil. He shakes his head and grunts.

"Do not test me, Son of Odin," commands Celestia.

The other god, however, simply points an index finger. "Let us see if your magic can combat the very heavens!"

Thor raises his hammer up high. Lightning crashes from the storm cloud. The electricity channels straight into the hammer and flows through its wielder. But unlike a normal man, this electrocution is actually making him feel even stronger. With a growl, he shoots the electricity into a force in front of himself.

Celestia's horn glows like a fire's embers. Her magic shoots forth in a beam. It collides with Thor's lightning attack and the energies push against each other. Sparks leak out from all around the point of colliding streams. Thor grunts as he takes a step forward. Celestia's brow lowers. Magic and lightning continue their struggle.

With one more push forward and another step, Thor's sparks grow even more, rushing over and slamming full force into Celestia. She appears to flinch as blue sparks race all around her armor. The thunder god rushes forth and slams his hammer against her chest. She goes flying backwards through the sky.

He spins his hammer above his head very rapidly. With this self-propelled wind, he flies up and away. He takes another swinging aim at the pony. However, she vanishes in an explosive flame before he gets the chance. She reappears behind him and zaps his back with magic. He swings his arm behind him, but she vanishes again.

Soon, the air is full of fiery explosions as the empress teleports all over the place and fires magical shots from multiple directions in less than three seconds. Yelling defiantly, Thor starts spinning Mjolnir around rapidly. This time, the air around his position swirls around to match his hammer's pace. A large tornado pulls on the teleporting Celestia and she struggles to maintain her stability against the gale force winds.

Thor grabs his opponent and flies straight down. He slams her into the ground with enough force to disperse the tornado and create a huge crater in the earth.

"Asgard: 1! Imperium: 0!" he cries out as he gathers lightning in his hammer for the final blow.

Celestia's eyes glow in a solid blue light. A fiery explosion surrounds both of the combatants. The camera pans up about several miles. With this crazy camera, the audience can stare at the sun without going blind. A tiny explosion happens at one spot along the sun's surface. We zoom in to see Thor looking confused at the sudden change in location.

Another teleport removes only Celestia from the scene. We quickly transition back to the plateau. She appears, standing at one edge of the giant rock. She lights up her horn. The sun budges downward ever so slightly. A shooting star falls from the sun all the way to the other side of the plateau.

K.O.!

Transitioning over, the camera follows the way to a section of forest area. Though, it appears that a section is taken out by a ring of fire. We see a sizzling thunder god and a cape that's been set ablaze near the middle of that ring.

Celestia closes her eyes and sighs. Her ear flicks at another noise. When she turns around, she sees a half-naked green giant. This newcomer roars like a lion, and he looks twice as angry as one. In response, Celestia calmly floats the pieces of her axe into view and magics it back together.

This Lightning Round's victory goes to... Empress Celestia!

There is one last shot of Thor groaning and struggling to say words before the screen fades to black.

Author's Note

In addition to One Minute Melee, I kind of drew some parallels to Super Power Beat Down for this one.

Lighting Round: Going Out on a High Note

Set "Formatting" in the top right to whatever setting suits you.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Triple Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights are settled without waiting for analysis.

Six fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

(Pony Singers vs. Sirens)

---Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Countess Coloratura---

Vs.

---Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, and Sonata Dusk---

We are here live at the concert stage arena. Shaded-out stand-ins for people are interspersed with a few pixel persons. Instead of a traditional duel to the death, these divas will try to win the most of the crowd over to their side. First, the orange leaders take their respective spots on opposite stages. The siren floats in the air, while the pony stands firmly on the floor with her guitar strapped around her.

Enter the heat of battle!

Rock on!

Adagio starts with her typical opening line. As she does so, her pendant shines brightly.

~Ah, ah, ah... ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah... ah, ah~

Sunset looks unconvinced. She strums a few basic chords while she waits for an opening. Adagio continues singing.

~Why pretend we're all the same

When some of us shine brighter?~

Some green vapors of distrusting fans flow up into the pendant. According to the charts, about thirty percent of the crowd is leaning toward Adagio's current performance. The rest are undecided.

~You're a star and you should know it.

Yeah, you rise above the rest.

It doesn't matter who you hurt.

All that matters is you're the best.~

As the siren sings her bridging "Ah"s, the pony suddenly levitates the mic on her side and switches up the key and tempo on her guitar strings. It's time for an interruption.

~Everyone here knows who I am

They've all given me a fair chance (Oh whoa oh)

But I can't help feeling that something's missing

It's a lack of magic at a glance~

The combination of notes and words seems to be swaying the folks near the pony's stage. The percentage of crowd favor rises to thirty-three percent for her. This is matched by the screaming and waving of hands.

~I know there's more that's out there

And I haven't quite found it yet

I know there's more that's out there

It's closer than I think, I'll bet~

A times three multiplier gets applied to this performer's scoring. The cheers are loving her. Adagio growls and shoves her backup to center stage. Aria grunts in confusion, but apparently Sonata has already taken up percussion duties for this part of the concert battle. Despite her gruffy attitude, Aria Blaze sings at a much higher pitch than her leader.

~Oh whoa oh, oh whoa oh

You didn't know that you fell

Oh whoa oh, oh whoa oh...~

The crowd closer to her stage suddenly spikes up to forty-five percent. Some mesmerized eyes and bodies send more negative energy toward her. While the bass drum kicks in the background, Sunset quickly finds the notes out of her hooves.

~She should get checked for pink eye

(Yeah, that's disgusting)

Hand contortion is her new vice

(Her hand is twisting)

Acting like they're singing our song

(Cue cello jamming)

But they're getting all the words wrong

(Oh, oh, oh)~

As the drums get a bit more prominent, the pony finds herself dragged to the side by a light blue aura. Apparently, the next in line just can't wait for her turn. Starlight directs a few whistlers to shrill loudly as she matches the beat to her pace.

~Life is a joy in our town

Few would not agree

There's no one here who would frown

It's a taste of harmony...~

The shadowy figures groan and raise their palms to their faces. The pixel people look at Starlight and make thumbs-down motions with what must be their hands. A few of them actually put up their hands with extra-pixelated circles right on top of their hands. The sound effects resemble elongated "Boo"s. As if to reflect their attitude, the percentage drops down to a red one percent.

Sonata suddenly leaps out from the back and slaps Aria to the left. It seems none of the contestants are willing to practice patience tonight. Her beat sounds extremely fast compared to the one she was providing earlier.

~And it's all like a roller coaster

Life's so fast; it's already over

Take a number; here we go

Ohhhhh

Welcome to the show!

(Oh whoa)

Welcome to the show!~

Sparks fly out of the sirens' stage. The crowd goes crazy with approving cheers. The favor gauge hits ninety-seven percent. The unprecedented chaos being emitted just from Sonata singing seems to vibrate into a sonic screech. Starlight goes flying into the back wall from the force alone.

The Countess looks at her fallen ally. She then looks at the leader on her side. Coloratura gives a curt nod, grabs her outfit, and pulls off the extravagant purple jacket and hair extensions all in one sweeping motion. What's left is a fine young pony in a plain, black dress. She trots over to the piano and plays a gentle, yet earnest melody.

The crowd's booing and cheering all goes quiet. The percentages for either side's favor shows nothing but question marks (???). After playing the intro and one run of the chorus, the notes in Rara's cutie mark glow brightly. It's enough to blind the sirens and make them all roar in pain.

~That I am just a pony

I make mistakes from time to time

And now I know the real me

And put my heart out on the line

And let the magic in my heart stay true

(Oh whoa whoa whoa)

And let the magic in my heart stay true

(Oh whoa whoa whoa)

Just like the magic inside of you

Just like the magic inside of you~

This last push seems to be enough to convince the entire crowd to look at Rara. Their cheers and waving hands are quite expressive. Additionally, the favor percentage rises to a whopping one hundred percent. Adagio slams her own stage and rips it all down in fury.

Rara-rockin'!

The winner of this Lightning Round is... Team Shimmer!

Upon their victory pedestal, Rara takes a bow to the audience. Starlight is on her back with stars racing around her head. Sunset is waving a towel over the fallen one's head to try and revive her.

Author's Note

All songs and lyrics belong to their respective owners.
I probably had way more fun writing that chapter out than I had any right to do so.

Great and Powerful Blue Attack!

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

I guess I'll consider this the opening of a new 'season'. Due to my inability to figure out every text trick on FiMFiction, I am unable to make any appropriate adjustments to very specific pieces of text fonts. I apologize in advance.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Toby Fox.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Story guidelines advise against dialogue-heavy chapters. They're going to have a field day with this one.

If there's one thing I hate about cartoons, it's that certain characters keep blustering on until the heat death of the universe. I mean, come on! I've got a million better things to do.

Over here we have the self-proclaimed Great and Powerful Trixie.

And over there is Papyrus, the self-proclaimed best friend skeleton in the world, but more realistically the best caps lock user.

Can these two combatants keep focused long enough to defeat one another?

Probably not. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Trixie
-Unicorn
-Profession: Side-show magic actor
-Was once seen in four different points on the town map at once (could not be confirmed)
-Favorite spells: Fireworks, smoke bombs
-Dislikes: Wheels
-Acquitted for enslaving an entire town and its residents under an impenetrable dome

At first glance, Trixie seems like an average stage performer. She draws the crowd to watch, she really knows how to sell herself, and she has a knack for misdirection.

And that's pretty much it. She can levitate a rope like a floating boa constrictor, create small lightning clouds, and... tickle her foes into submission. Man, and I thought Harry Potter had some weird and useless charms.

There was the time where she managed to perform spells beyond any well-versed unicorns, but... that was mostly in part due to the Alicorn Amulet, an artifact that grants its wearer evil magic that overpowers their base personality.

Too bad. She had some sweet, glowing red eyes for about half an hour. But, okay. So what if she lost the amulet's abilities to inflict pain and teleport? She's still good at running away with a quick smoke bomb to cover her initial sprint. And she's got her own set of never-running-out fireworks.

There are rumors arising that her favorite foods consist of peanut butter, crackers, and pine cones. However, these have yet to be confirmed in the "A" canon Equestrian universe.

Why did you emphasize a cannon?

"A" canon refers to the show directly. "B" canon refers to the comics and movies officially endorsed by Hasbro. Anything else is non-canon for now.

I "C" canon. Heh heh.

But I digress. We should probably get back to our job.

"But... that's impossible!"

---Death Battle---

Papyrus
-Skeleton
-Younger (yet taller) brother to Sans
-Dream: Join the Royal Guard
-Favorite food: Spaghetti
-Takes bone-related insults as compliments
-Is actually pretty strong and can make SOULs feel very heavy
-Tries to be friends with everybody

A long time ago, a world was ruled by both man and monsters. However, a war broke out between the two races. Eventually, the humans won and forced the surviving monsters to retreat underground. Wizards sealed the monsters' escape with a magical barrier. No monster soul could possibly escape. However, any human could get in by way of a cave inside Mt. Ebbott.

Six unlucky bastards fell down and were killed by the monsters. Their souls were collected by the king in hopes of fulfilling a convoluted prophecy of somehow breaking the barrier and freeing the monsters from captivity. But when an alleged seventh fell down onto the conveniently safe bed of golden flowers, things were a little... different.

After exploring the ruins of old and making their way east, this human found themselves in the company of two skeleton brothers: Sans and Papyrus.

See, Sans was technically supposed to be watching for humans, but... he didn't really feel like it. But that didn't stop the enthusiasm of his fanatic younger brother, Papyrus. Now there's a skeleton that sounds like a typewriter clicking to speak.

Papyrus was working his hardest to be let into the monster king's Royal Guard, led by the legendary hero Undyne. However, even after enduring the less than comfortable night and dawn waiting at her doorstep, Undyne quietly refused to allow Papyrus in.

That isn't because he's a pushover. Quite the opposite! Papyrus can be hell and a half to those unprepared for his onslaught of seemingly limitless supply of sliding and flying bones. Heck, his "Blue Attack" makes it even harder for his foes by making them feel more susceptible to the pull of gravity, forcing newbies to run smack into his ground-bound bones.

The real reason why Undyne never let Papyrus join the Guard proper was because he tends to be compassionate to a fault. Instead of capturing the seventh human like he was supposed to, he became friends with them and even went as far as to humor them with a textbook version of a romantic date. Though, he quickly admitted that he didn't share that deep of an intimacy.

Papyrus is always prepared, wearing a few just-in-case outfits underneath his set of body armor. He also has a hidden compartment under his cranium for secret items. His bread and butter is his love of puzzles. He can't get enough brain teasers and crazy solutions to fill the day.

He may seem like a jolly skeletal system, but his sense of humor has a limit. Usually, it's in the form of Sans saying too many puns in one sitting.

This guy might hate his own smile, but he'll never stop being a "cool dude".

"I'LL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING!"

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

There is a sound of boots crunching the snow along the path. A red scarf flaps in the winds. The camera focuses briefly upon a unique pattern of black shapes against a white body. A jaw filled with white enamels slowly moves up and down as the figure progresses into this artificially crafted arena.

"HMM?"

He pauses, catching the sight of something ahead. Oh my gosh, it's a giant rock! He can't believe what he's seeing. It's a rock and it's giant! But what's that standing in front of the giant rock?

The living figure turns around. A purple hat with stars and moon patterns hides the face of the blue pony wearing it. A cape with the same patterns flaps in the wind behind her back.

"WHY HELLO THERE, LITTLE BLUE HORSE!" greets the skeleton with a smile. "WOULD YOU LIKE A FRIEND? BECAUSE I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD BE HAPPY TO OBLIGE!"

"FIGHT!"

A dark cloud suddenly forms low in the sky. With a crash, it unleashes a small jolt of lightning against Papyrus. He shakes in place due to the shock. Though, it's quickly over and seems to have left immaterial damage.

"OH HO! YOU'RE SERIOUS ARE YOU? VERY WELL! GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

Papyrus points a gloved hand in the direction of the opponent. Three bones pop out of the snow and slide forward. In response to the skeleton's attack, Trixie takes a couple steps to the left. The second bone changes its course to meet the blue pony. She counters by taking two steps to the right. After that, she takes two more steps to the left to avoid the third bone.

"AH HA! CLEARLY YOU MUST BE CLEVER ENOUGH TO BE THE GREAT PAPYRUS' RIVAL!"

The skeleton taps his foot as he waits for his opponent to take their action. For obvious reasons, Trixie chooses to keep fighting and wills her rope to slip around the field. The rope wiggles around before wrapping around an arm bone and then pulling snugly. The bone pops off easily.

"NYEH HEH HEH?"

Papyrus summons a few more bones from the ground. He grabs one of them that looks conveniently arm-shaped and attaches it to the place that was just bare. It even has a mitt cozily worn over the phalanges. The rest of his conjured bones slowly advance upon the pony's position.

Trixie smirks from under her hat. She levitates her rope back around the bones, making it slither back and forth. With a quick yank, it sends all of the incoming bones to the left and right, causing them to miss her entirely.

"ALRIGHT! I'VE LET THIS GO ON FOR LONG ENOUGH! IT'S TIME TO BRING OUT... MY BLUE ATTACK."

A bunch more bones appear out of absolutely nowhere and appear cyan. They rush toward Trixie, some of them too big around to casually dodge or displace. The pony braces herself for the inevitable impact. Yet, even the largest cyan bone seems to phase right through her, like a ghost.

All of a sudden, it looks like Trixie's hide color spreads to her outfit as well. She falls onto her stomach just in time for a small, white bone to whack her in the muzzle.

"NYEH HEH HEH! YOU'RE BLUE NOW!"

Pushing with all her might, Trixie manages to stand back up. But, she's a bit shaky on her legs. Whatever turned her clothes blue also seems to be trying to push her against the ground. She unleashes some of her magic into a flurry of fireworks that explode all around the skeleton.

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY SPECIAL ATTACK... IS WHAT I WOULD'VE SAID, IF I STILL HAD IT." Papyrus shrugs. "BUT SINCE SOME STUPID DOG WON'T GIVE IT BACK, YOU'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A 'normal' ATTACK."

Several bones of all sizes start skating around the snow around Trixie. She finds that she can still jump a little bit to avoid some of the incoming projectiles. The patterns that the bones follow are a bit haphazard, ranging from the slicing of a circle of snow like a pizza, to actually riding skateboards to somehow reach their intended target. There are even some bones intricately placed together to spell out words.

The 'normal' attack leaves both Papyrus and his opponent gasping for breath. He even holds up a gloved finger to allow the passage of a minute with nothing happening.

"IT... SEEMS... THAT VICTORY... IS NO CLOSER FOR ME... THAN IT IS... FOR YOU." His nonexistent lungs rise and collapse. "HOW ABOUT... WE CALL... A TRUCE? I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL SPARE YOU, HORSEY."

The skeleton smiles sheepishly. Suddenly, the storm cloud from earlier strikes down in a slicing motion, dislodging his skull from the rest of his body. As soon as his jaw makes contact with the snow, his body seems to evaporate into ashes.

"WELL... THAT'S NOT... WHAT I WAS... EXPECTING."

The head falls apart into a cloud of dust. An upside-down valentine hangs in the air, shaking around a lot. After a couple of seconds, the 'soul' breaks down the middle. It then proceeds to follow the rest of the body's example and turns to dust.

There appears to be a singular fang in the pony's smile. She laughs with a voice that only Mrs. DeLancie could love.

---Death Battle---

Wait a minute, that's not right.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure all of our data was actually pointing in favor of Papyrus.

What's going on?

...

"The anomaly is here."

Hey! Where are you going?

"I'm taking a shortcut."

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...

Burst Lightning Round

The fights shall continue without waiting for the analysis.

Two fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

---??????? vs. ????---

(G4 vs. Undertale)

The arena has changed to a rather long hallway. It's lined with stained glass windows. Some of which appear to have a simple orange color through the whole thing. Others look like various point in Equestria's history. The pony wanders through for several feet. There's an eerie silence as even the hoof steps make no sound.

Finally, a short figure in a bluish jacket appears. He has his hands in his pockets. Small white dots are all that can be seen in his eye sockets.

"I've got a question for you. With all that power, don't you think you should take some responsibility?"

The pony remains silent and adjusts their hat.

"Alright, fine. In that case, let's try a different angle."

The lights turn off for a split-second. When they come back on, the white dots have disappeared from the figure's eye sockets.

"Do you want to have a bad time?"

He closes his eyes. His constant smile betrays no hint of his actual emotions. The supposed Trixie takes off their cap and reveals two horns. 'She' opens two mismatched yellow eyes with red dots on them. They also remove their cape as their body seems to elongate into a more grotesque form.

"To think... it was going to be such a beautiful day," comments the big-boned skeleton. "I was going to listen to the birds sing, watch the flowers bloom, and feel the sun on my face. But for some reason, I don't feel like I can enjoy any of that..."

The lights flash again. He opens his empty eye sockets.

"~'Cause all I want to do

Is see you fall into

The pits of Hell (the pits of Hell)

All I want to be

Is the Sans who gets to see

You burning in Hell~"

The entire arena turns into shapes of black and white. Even the draconequus's vibrant colors don't seem to survive the change to a new lack of color scheme.

The sins are crawling.

Throw down!

Sans eye glows an agitated blue. The draconequus gets pulled by his midsection to the floor... only to get launched up by twenty or so bones rising out of the ground instantly. Several bone stalactites and stalagmites race through the room toward and around the enemy. Discord's head gets bumped by each and every one.

In the next moment, several beast skulls float in the air. Their mouths open to release giant lasers in several patterns. Discord shakes himself awake and twists around to avoid the worst of the blasts. However, the biggest horizontal laser still nicks his foot, causing a steady drain of some of his health.

"Huh. So that's what my strongest attack does against a larger target."

Discord snaps his claw three times. At his beck and call, three buffaloes in ballet outfits come out of thin air and launch dancing kicks against the skeleton. But, he seems to glitch out of reality briefly, allowing none of the kicks to connect. After that attempt, the buffalo tiptoe out of the scene.

Sans shrugs. "What? You think I'm just going to stand there and take your bull-et?"

The skeleton's next attack conjures two columns of horizontal bones. The left column elevates. The right column descends. Discord rolls himself into a ball and spins around in a circular motion to avoid getting hit. He can't help but feel like he's going to have a period of unpleasantness.

Still, giving up would be predictable, and that's not what the draconequus has come to be known for. Discord uncurls and folds a bunch of new sheets of paper into shuriken and launches them all down. They actually sound like they're reaching lethal RPM. Sans takes a few steps backward out of sight and ends up standing a few feet behind Discord's position.

"Fancy yourself a shooting star? So did my brother... until you killed him."

The beastly "Gaster Blasters" appear again, taking potshots across the map. Discord teleports around as quickly as possible. But every time he reappears, a laser grazes one of his body parts. The invincibility frames are nonexistent, torturing the draconequus with slowly depleting health. He tries to clap his front limbs around the short skeleton, but Sans is already standing against one of the hall's pillars.

"I've seen the reports, Mr. Lord of chaos and disharmony. You're not going to be satisfied with a single disruption. You'll keep going. Just because you 'can', you 'have to'. It won't be out of any motive to be good or evil."

A barrage of white bones race toward Discord. He snaps the fur on his tail multiple times. A few of the bones transform into random objects like lamps, wheels, and even a turkey. But more come along the way and slam into his midsection. The moving force causes him to take even more pain from the incoming cyan bones.

With a snarl, Discord pulls out an empty gun. He crams a few of the bones into the barrel before shooting them back to sender. Sans glitches out to the left, right, up, and down to make the attacks miss.

"If you keep this up, it'll all disappear. Everything."

Sans holds out his hand and snaps. His eye flashes blue. Discord is covered in a similar blue color. With a wave of an arm, the skeleton flings his enemy against the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and through the workings of a bone labyrinth.

After what seems like an endless penultimate attack, Sans arm starts slowing down. He slams his foe against the walls and the ceiling a few more times. Until finally, he lets gravity take the draconequus to the floor at a leisurely pace. He's huffing and sweating as he stands there.

Discord snaps his fingers, telling some of the leftover bones to slam down and cage their master. He chuckles for a bit.

"You should've waited for me to fall asleep like all of the Let's Players."

The draconequus gasps. From behind, Sans snaps an entire boney torture coffin around the enemy. A white, toothy smile signals the end of the required job.

Game Over

"Goooattttttt dunked on!"

This Lightning Round's winner is... Sans!

Author's Note

Well... that escalated quickly.

Emerald? What Were You Thinking?

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: It's strange, but I find myself referring back to Chrysalis when I want a simple beatdown.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Rooster Teeth.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Contrary to popular opinion, I'd actually prefer the blue M&Ms.

Illusions can trick the mind into seeing something that just isn't there.

I'm not the host you're looking for. Oooo.

... You do not have Force Persuasion.

Oh yeah? *Weapon click.* I have ways to forcefully persuade.

*Ahem.* The masters of deception we're focusing on today include Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.

And Emerald, the mind masher from RWBY.

He's B and I'm W.

It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Chrysalis
-Species: Changeling
-Appearance: Equine with bug-like features
-Known by EqD as "Queen Cheeselegs"
-Magic: Shape-shifting, levitation, beams (pain and disintegration settings), portals to underground, mind control
-Feeds on love energy and grows stronger the more she feeds
-Takes over Equestria after Starlight Glimmer's second timeline alteration
-Weakness: Overconfidence

In European folklore, changelings are fairy children that are left in place of the actual babies. However, in Equestria, they're a little different. Resembling a hoofed creature with beetle-like skin and wings, these changelings have a tendency to feed off the love energy of ponies by altering their forms to replace loved ones.

I wouldn't mind using that power to replace a few loved ones. Heh heh heh. I could finally get my ex-wife arrested for something.

That is sad. The one who leads the rest of the changelings is their queen, Chrysalis. Most changelings are capable of shape-shifting into ponies of similar size, surrounding themselves with a magic equivalent to plasma, and creating a sticky substance that restricts their victims' movement.

Eww...

Chrysalis has taken her abilities even further. She can utilize the same levitation and beam spells as some unicorns, shape-shift into just about any size of pony ranging from large alicorn to small earth pony, and use seduction to lead into a mind-controlling spell.

There's also this burning portal spell which sends any unlucky bastard she chooses deep underground to some abandoned cavern. Once there, she can send projections of herself to various rocks for taunting and tormenting purposes.

Like the beetles that they share features with, all changelings are capable of flight and some can even alter something in their hooves to allow wall-crawling.

The source of changelings' vast arsenal of powers is literally sucking the love out of their victims. When Chrysalis has her fill from just one unicorn captain, she's apparently on par with an alicorn that can move the freaking sun.

A bit misleading, since Chrysalis cannot actually move the celestial bodies on her own. If anything, she got the upper hand by surprising Celestia's attempt at minimal damage as we don't see Chrysalis perform this kind of feat anywhere else.

When the changelings work together, they can apparently coordinate their disguises' voices to turn an entire group of friends against each other. It's like an army of Diet Shang-Tsungs.

While her tactics may be a bit lacking at first glance, she is a threat that can't be tackled head-on. Rather, defeating her will require forces beyond her control.

Anyone got a ten-foot long flyswatter?

"What a lovely yet absolutely ridiculous sentiment!"

---Death Battle---

Emerald
-Human from the kingdom of Mistral
-Apprentice to Cinder Fall
-Weapon of choice: Scythes with firearm attachments
-Aura: capable of blocking lethal blows, maximum is 100
-Semblance: Illusions - Can alter the perception of another person to the point of seeing and hearing things that aren't there
-Gets a headache if she tries to fool more than one mind at a time
-Tends to hide in the environment

The world of Remnant holds many kingdoms: Vale, Atlas... but none quite as mysterious as Mistral. If you can find her amidst the confusion, you will find Emerald Sustrai, a thief that hides in plain sight.

This green-clothed girl is quick on her feet and a swift slicer with her scythes. As a bonus, her curved blades also double as dual-wield pistols that can take down a sleuth of Grimm after a round or two.

But what caught the attention of her cohort Cinder Fall was Emerald's ability to steal valuables without arousing any suspicion. This was made possible with her Semblance, a special power held by some Hunters and Huntresses that is unique to the individual.

By just squinting her eyes, she can trick anyone's mind into seeing and hearing something that isn't there. With these illusions, she can manipulate a person's actions into a number of things ranging from making them let their guard down to coaxing out their most powerful attack in the wrong direction.

She can hold up any illusion for an indeterminate amount of time. However, she has trouble fooling more than one mind at the same time and gives herself a headache in the process.

When she's not in the mood to activate her mind trick thingy, she utilizes her environment to hide her movements like tall grass and heavily wooded forests. Plus, she can swing her scythes around by a large whipping chord to yank her enemies right where she wants them.

Let's not forget her Aura, the trump card of any Huntress and their greatest defense. Like most of the cast of RWBY, Emerald's Aura can block lethal attacks and heal minor wounds. But just like the rest of them, it has a maximum resistance of one hundred.

Hey, if Dragonball has taught me anything, it's that power levels are bull****.

While Emerald can appear innocent and happy and can be charismatic enough to pull information out of her 'friends', she can't really stand overly happy people.

Does that make her a green goth?

"I'll try not to get blood on it."

"I can't promise you'll leave without a scratch."

"I won't be the one bleeding."

"I like her."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time to go green with a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

A few birds chirp as the camera observes the underside of a tree canopy. Sunlight leaks through, causing the occasional lens flare. Panning down a little, the audience gets to see a green-clothed woman whose tan midriff is showing. She walks down the forest's lone, dirt path. Her expression shows annoyance at the birds that are way too happy.

Something buzzes behind a tree trunk.

She yanks out one of her weapons from the holster behind her. Immediately, a scythe is spinning along a chord right for the base of the tree. With a few slashing sounds, the tree falls over. But there's nothing there.

"Somebody's a little jumpy."

Upon hearing a doubled voice effect, she quickly turns around. She pulls out her second weapon and points the gun at the black-shelled equine. Meanwhile, her other hand yanks her scythe back to her.

"Who... What are you?" Her amber brown eyes stare at this new target.

"As much as I'd love to monologue..." A few smaller creatures of similar build fly over next to the first. "... I'd rather we just skip the formalities."

FIGHT!

Changelings swarm after the human from various directions. Various hisses and growls escape their fanged mouths. Emerald points her guns and fires wildly at the incoming creatures. Several changelings lose their head and legs, leaving what's left of their bodies to fall to the ground. Still, a few of them land down fully intact and hungrily gather around this new prey.

"Let's see how you like this," mutters Emerald as she squints.

There's almost an echoing exhale going through the speakers. Some of the changelings yelp at high pitches. They sound panicky and fly around in circles. Using this moment of confusion, Emerald unleashes her scythes. She flips around the battlefield, slashing her enemies at various angles. As soon as there's only one changeling left, she kicks this one's head into the dirt before slicing it through the abdomen.

But all of a sudden, she holds her hands against her head. The forest clearing looks as though it's spinning around her. Her face looks a little green as nausea fills her body. Chrysalis chuckles at the sight before her. She ignites her horn and creates a circle of green flames around the human.

The fires rise up and circle into a dome. Emerald's feet start sinking down through the ground. She finally shakes her head from the migraine and yelps. She shoots one of her scythes out. Its chord wraps around a couple of large tree trunks. With a strong yank on the chord, she manages to pull herself out of the magical hole.

The Huntress falls to her knees and breathes heavily. In her moment of reprieve, she doesn't notice the queen flying over. Chrysalis slams her front hooves down against her opponent's back. After the initial blow, Emerald spins around and gets on her feet. She exchanges some punches and kicks with Chrysalis's hard-hitting hooves.

After a few seconds of punching and blocking, Emerald does a backflip. Chrysalis narrowly dodges the rising foot. But, that's long enough for Emerald to squint against one target. Briefly, the camera switches to a first-person perspective from Chrysalis's eyes. It looks like the human is in several places at once.

"You're going to have to try a little harder than that." Chrysalis smirks as she fires a beam straight ahead.

As the real Emerald recoils from the blast's impact, her illusion shatters. The queen marches forth and stands tall above her foe. Emerald pushes against the ground with her hands. She looks up with a questioning grunt. Chrysalis looks ready to kill with her horn ignited and her front hooves raised high.

Whipping her arm around, Emerald pulls the trigger on her gun. In shock from the sudden impact against her chest, Chrysalis stumbles back a step. Emerald holds both of her guns at once and fires them one after the other. The shots pepper against Chrysalis's body, filling her with holes that aren't supposed to be there. Blood squirts out of the queen's body at various places.

Emerald takes a swing with both of her scythes. Chrysalis's jaws fall off while the rest of her head flies backwards. As for the rest of her body, it falls into a crumbled heap.

"Hard enough for you?" spits Emerald.

"BRUTAL FATALITY!"

---Death Battle---

Ahh... Just a few more years and she could be my potential wife.

Emerald basically obliterated Chrysalis in terms of what she could take and dish out. Chrysalis's magic can be powerful, but the speed of ordinary bullets is faster than anything she's ever had to contend with before.

Yep. Chrysalis's style requires manipulation and saving directly fighting as a last resort. But Emerald can back up her illusions with fighting at a moment's notice.

That's not to say the entire battle was a cakewalk. If confronted with the task of manipulating the minds of so many changelings at once, it would drastically drain her own mind's stability. Additionally, it would have little effect on Chrysalis who is more than familiar with the inner workings of mind control herself.

But considering the kind of punishment Emerald can deliver even without her illusions, turning a forest into a windshield mess is nothing beyond her.

Besides, Emerald's Aura is capable of withstanding attacks from the Fall Maiden. There's no doubt that it would protect her from stunning magic. Couple this with her weapons of choice, and victory is practically sealed.

She really cuts it close.

The winner is Emerald Sustrai.

---Death Battle---

But we're not done just yet.

Burst Lightning Round

Here, the fights are settled without analysis.

Two fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

(Wings and Feet)

---Rainbow Dash vs. Mercury Black---

The scene opens up with Rainbow Dash sleeping on a cloud. A visual "Z" floats up for every snore. It looks like it's going to be a relatively relaxing day. That is, until Rainbow's cutie mark starts glowing and shaking slightly. Her latest "Z" pops as she wakes up and yawns. She peeks behind her and then gasps at the signal.

One second, there's a pegasus on the cloud. In the next, a seven-colored trail pops the cloud into vapors. The camera skips over to the front door of Twilight's castle. Rainbow shoves the door open and flies in. The hallways are long, but she's come to know the important rooms. The broom closet is that door, the bathroom is this door, and the throne room with the map is just ten past the point where Spike looks beat up and is clutching his ribs.

Wait, what?

Rainbow backs up and hovers down to the bruised dragon. She asks him what happened. In pain, he whimpers something about pleading his mother not to step on his stomach anymore. Then, he falls unconscious. Something else is going on. She gets a feeling that it's going to be in the throne room.

After passing the dining hall on the left, Rainbow gasps at yet another hurt friend. Starlight Glimmer is curled up in the fetal position. With a groan, Starlight warns Rainbow to be careful. What in Equestria could be hurting her friends like this? She flies on ahead.

Inside the throne room, it looks like some of the seats have been dislodged from their crystal positions. A bang is followed by Twilight Sparkle flying back-first into one of the walls. With her wings crushed, she's at gravity's mercy. Desperately, she teleports to where she's an inch off the ground. Still, there's plenty of pain rattling her body without the floor's additional impact.

Behind the shadowy figure responsible, the throne room door opens to reveal Rainbow Dash.

"No pony messes with my friends!"

Furiously, Rainbow rushes forward and slams into the figure's midsection. Both of them end up crashing through a window. The audience recognizes the figure as a human. He flips along the ground until he's standing in a ready position. Rainbow looks at him, patting her hooves against each other in anticipation for a beat down.

Nobody blink!

Kick it!

Dash flies in with determination on her face. Smirking, Mercury takes a running start of his own. Front hoof meets shoe sole upon their colliding first strike. There's a bit of a ripple in the air as the cameraman is pushed away by the aftershock. Rainbow follows up with her other front hoof. However, Mercury spins around and blocks the attack with his arm.

He attempts a double-kick maneuver with his other foot. Rainbow's front legs take the brunt force just before she tries a few back kicks of her own. Mercury guards against the first two with his arms, weaves to the side of the third, and ducks under the fourth. Immediately, he does a backwards somersault, punting Rainbow's chin with his toe area. The pony shakes off the pain.

After a slight chuckle, Mercury decides to throw in a little surprise from his foot. He kicks the air from a distance and it sounds like the shot from a gun. A gray cloud whizzes out of his shoe. Dash yelps and narrowly dodges to by flying to the side. She watches the cloud flying up and away before looking at her opponent again.

By this point, Mercury is kick-shooting several clouds. All of this is while he's spinning himself atop his other foot. There are dozens of cloud shots spinning around the field now. It's like a tornado of sorts. Thinking quickly, Rainbow Dash flies around and around in the opposite circular motion. She creates a tornado of her own, causing the artificial clouds to dissipate.

Dash flies straight up, gaining altitude quickly. She then dives straight down. A mach cone forms around her. Mercury clicks his heels together and fires shots from both of his shoes at once, sending him airborne. He aims his foot straight at the incoming pony's face. Just when it looks like it's going to connect, something around Rainbow goes "boom".

A Sonic Rainboom appears in the sky.

"What?!" exclaims Mercury, just as his leg is forced to bend backwards.

The rainbow trail following Dash bends around at a plethora of angles. She's flying around so fast that it looks like she's punching against Mercury from every direction imaginable. After a few high-speed impacts, the visual activates slow-motion. In this mode, the audience can see Dash punching the mans stomach, kicking his back, and jabbing his face in that order. There is also a moment where a ripple of gray light flashes along Mercury's body. His Aura is completely depleted.

Mercury falls through the roof of a nearby house and crashes out of one of its walls. This ends up bringing the rest of the building right on top of him. His hand desperately reaches out of the debris before falling limp. A bit of distance away, Rainbow lands on all fours with authority.

"How do you like that?" she taunts.

Crushing defeat!

This Lightning Round's victory goes to... Rainbow Dash!

Author's Note

Answer to the chapter title's question: Apparently, she was thinking quite well.

Pink! Yellow!

Pink! Yellow!

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I was not ready for this. I apologize if I do not incorporate absolutely every last detail from the more recent seasons.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nickelodeon, and Paramount Television.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

For some reason, I picture Hyper Knuckles vs. Super Sonic.

Mark Twain once said that humor is tragedy plus time.

I guess someone forgot to put the tragedy in time for these idiot savants in the ways of laughter.

It's a rare sight to see doubles matches in Death Battle, but we felt that these duos would be appropriate.

Spongebob and Patrick from Bikini Bottom.

And Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich from Equestria.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Spongebob
-Spongebob Squarepants
-Resembles a kitchen sponge... with arms... and a face... and square-shaped pants
-Lives in a pineapple under the sea
-Approximately the size of an average human hand
-Can absorb water from many sources... except the ocean itself
-Occupation: Fry cook (consistently chosen as Employee of the Month)
-Favorite Martial Art: Karate
-Struggles to lift anything heavier than two plush dolls attached to a metal bar

Patrick
-Patrick Star
-Is a starfish... with eyes and a mouth... and pants
-Lives under a rock
-Can eat just about anything
-Has an award "For Doing Absolutely Nothing Longer Than Anyone"
-Is, in his own words, blissfully unaware of how stupid he is
-Can lift amusement park rides when angered
-Telekinesis? ... (Once beat himself up to help Spongebob gain access into the Salty Spittoon)

Absorbent, yellow, and porous is Spongebob Squarepants, a regular character residing in Bikini Bottom.

Yeah, if by "regular" you mean anything but normal. His lives in a fruit! That's unhealthy.

Sure, it's not exactly the most impressive lifestyle. His morning routine consists of lifting bunny dolls in place of weights before heading down and feeding his pet snail Gary. But, it's certainly more than an average sea sponge is capable of.

Heh, your mom could clean some wicked kitchen messes with that sponge.

Right... anyway... Spongebob works at a fast food joint and has memorized the makings of a sandwich called a Krabby Patty down to the minute details. He's even memorized the by-laws of keeping the patty formula top secret.

This guy's adventures are all over the place. I mean seriously, what kind of drugs were they taking when they wrote song-fueled buses that lead to Atlantis, a robotic takeover by a plankton of all species, and a place called Rock Bottom where buses can climb up the side of a cliff but feet can't? And that's just on the weekends.

Admittedly, it is a bit mind-boggling that this oceanic world is a place where musical numbers can be made simply because a sponge has ripped their own pants one too many times. Still, it's kind of impressive that Spongebob can blow bubbles in all manner of shapes, survive multiple shock wounds from jellyfish, and has even taught himself karate.

I'm not sure what good that'll do him. Even with extra stimulants, he can't lift a boat anchor while the background characters can seem to do so with only a few drops of sweat.

True, but maybe that's when he can count on his friends... like a talking starfish named Patrick Star.

Oh, what's that thing supposed to do? Sleep the day away while muttering about guys hitting each other with coconuts? Come on! He can't even recognize his own parents until they call each other by name.

Now, now, B. You should never underestimate your opponents. Just because he's... mentally challenged and lazy on a good day, that doesn't mean he's harmless. Far from it, since he can cause massive property damage just by having fun or when he's enraged by unmet expectations. That kind of sounds like a certain co-host I know.

Our interns don't cause property damage.

That's not... never mind. There are some bizarre abilities in Patrick's repertoire.

Like having a bottomless pit for a stomach... or being able to psychically give himself a wedgie before tossing himself about a mile away just to let someone win a fit. Seriously, what the heck happened there?

All of these feats are within their capabilities despite these ocean residents being about the size of a human hand.

So big things come in small kitchen and gift shop items? Neat.

Whether it's retrieving Neptune's crown, running for stealing a free balloon, or-

What the heck? How did becoming chocolate-selling entrepreneurs get them a date with my ex and my grandma?

Augh! My eyes! Move on! Move along!

"Who's... Who's... Who's a yellow sponge with holes?"

"I am! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

---Death Battle---

Pinkie Pie
-Birth name: Pinkamena Diane Pie
-Earth pony mare
-Good with parties
-Tools of choice: Balloons and cannons
-Stores miscellaneous items around in case of emergencies
-Defies logic on a regular basis by playing with cartoon physics
-Hammer space and the magic satchel
-Has difficulty identifying negative emotions held by others unless blatantly told
-Bearer of "The Element of Laughter"

Cheese Sandwich
-Alternate alias unknown
-Earth pony stallion
-Great fun at party-throwing
-Tools of trade: Accordion and tanks
-Entrusts his rubber chicken "Boneless" with extra stuff
-Occasionally exempts himself from the laws of physics
-Can pull out items at random and jump through spacial dimensions at will
-Doesn't always pick up the signs of emotional turmoil in others
-Suspected to be "Weird Al" in pony form; evidence pending

The land of Equestria is filled with many unexplained things: Celestia and Luna's origin, the true workings of Discord's mind, and of course whatever physical laws Pinkie Pie abides by.

Now there's a character that works with the boundaries of a cartoon just by breathing.

Born and raised on a rock farm, it wasn't until Pinkamena Diane Pie was exposed to a Sonic Rainboom that she felt inspired to spread happiness to her family and everyone else that she possibly could.

What the hell is wrong with her hair?

For finding amusement even in the face of danger, Pinkie Pie was rewarded the privilege of wielding the Element of Harmony, Laughter. It makes sense, considering her passion is to bring up the mood and good cheer of everyone she considers her friends.

That makes a lot more sense than half the crud that pony's own body can do. She can expand body parts like a balloon to float a few feet, hover above the screen while defying gravity for a few seconds, run faster than Rainbow Dash can fly, and literally fall to pieces after keeping a secret through an entire episode. My bubble gum can't do that... unless there's also weed in it.

Speaking of nonsense, Pinkie also has this sixth sense she calls the Pinkie Sense which has a wide range of predictions from falling objects to slamming doors and even to where her toothless pet alligator is.

Well, my "B" sense tells me that anything I shoot will go "boom" before it promptly gets off my property.

Pinkie Pie also has weapons at her disposal, consisting of a party cannon which can shoot party supplies at its targets and a wagon capable of spitting out cake batter all over its victims.

Hey, lugging those things around makes more sense than eye patch emergencies and ball emergencies. ... Heh heh. Balls.

Pinkie Pie's good mood has inspired many ponies, including a fellow party fanatic named Cheese Sandwich. Like Pinkie Pie, Cheese also has a knack for breaking normal logic and doing just about anything haphazardly.

He's got a diet sixth sense called the "Cheesy Sense", letting him know where his next party needs to take place. He's somehow managed to find the funds necessary to whip out a freaking party tank. Oh, and he traded in his childhood glasses for a rubber chicken and a Clint Eastwood outfit.

After a bit of a misunderstanding and makeup with Pinkie Pie, Cheese inadvertently gave Pinkie a key that would be necessary to open up a locked box that helped her and her friends defeat a power-hungry centaur. But, that's a story for another day.

Like his name suggests, Cheese Sandwich tends to make his zaniness head towards cheese-related items, even Swiss shoes and cheddar staffs. Is there anything these party animals can't do?

There is. Despite their good intentions, neither Pinkie nor Cheese can fully pick up the signs when someone is emotionally uncomfortable with their extroversion or their antics. In fact, it takes being told outright for them to make the connection. That can be exceptionally awkward when you want to compete on your best friend's birth-aversery.

Hey, I'd kill to have someone that can construct a piñata capable of breaking a pony's spine or a confetti gun that actually hurts. So what if they're a little insane?

I don't know which would be scarier: you being sarcastic or you being serious there.

"Hey! That's my song!"

"What do you mean? I have no idea what you're talking about."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a duo Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Lots of ponies are gathered around and cheering. Streamers are flying. Confetti is flying. Everything is flying. My eyes!

At the center of it all, two ponies with crazy mane styles sing into the microphone for alternating parts. Friends and fans are gathered around. Whatever they're celebrating right now, it feels worth it. Hooves are in the air. Balloons are in the air. Smaller fillies go into the air. My feels!

Behind the crowd and way down on the ground, a couple of bipeds walk around. While their colors contrast each other, they each share what looks like a fish bowl filled with water over their heads. One of them seems to be twisting a slightly torn piece of paper every which way.

"Hmm, this doesn't look like Neptune's Paradise," comments the sponge.

"I don't get it. I know we followed the instructions down to the 'O'." The star folds and unfolds his paper.

"Are you sure you're holding that map right-side up?" The sponge looks over, before appearing very confused. "Um, that's a Tic Tac Toe board."

"Yeah, so?" The star looks at him in mild confusion.

Pan back up to the stage just as the song ends. The mare suddenly gets wiggly all over her body. The stallion looks over, wondering what's going on.

"There's a doozy coming," she says in awe, "and it's going to be behind everypony else here."

"That close?" He puts on a determined face before equipping his hat and maracas. "Well, best not keep it waiting."

"Way ahead of you," she says, somehow already in a Western maid's outfit without the audience seeing when and how.

Suddenly, a great dark shadow hovers over the lost travelers.

The sponge holds completely still in an instant. "Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

"Sometimes in my head all the time," answers the star.

"FIGHT!"

Giant cylinders of pink crash down. Patrick dives out of the way, losing his scrap of paper in the process. He breathes heavily for a bit before exhaling in relief.

"That was a close one. Huh, Spongebob?" He turns and looks behind him. "Spongebob?"

The remains of a water helmet are scattered around one of the large, pink pillars.

"Spongebob, no!" Patrick yells as he presses both of his upper limbs against his head.

"Ew, I stepped in something." Pinkie lifts her hoof to look. "Huh, that's an awfully well-dressed sponge."

Small bubbles dribble down the side of the yellow rectangle.

Spongebob hyperventilates as his water supply leaves him almost entirely. Everything's going... pink. He silently prays for Patrick to tell his parents... that Squidward is his best friend.

Furiously, Patrick runs forward and grabs one of the pink pillars in both of his limbs. He spins the towering structure all around himself several times before tossing it. Whatever it is flies over the length of a football field.

"Whoa!" yelps the flung, pink pony.

"Pinkie? Where are you going?"

Cheese gallops forward after her. There's a slight sound of something cracking. He looks down at his back hoof.

"Ew, I stepped in something," he mutters before continuing his chase after Pinkie.

Patrick's last hyperventilating thoughts are for Spongebob to tell his parents... that he's adopted.

"Quick Finish!"

---Death Battle---

Uh... I... Are you freaking kidding me?!

Well, their personalities and zaniness may match each other pun for pun, but there's not a whole lot that can overcome the obvious size difference. Spongebob and Patrick are both small enough to fit into the grasp of human hands. Even though the ponies of Equestria are called "Little", their hooves aren't that much smaller around than the palm of your hand.

But... they just... crushed them... in like thirty seconds!

Pinkie and Cheese are earth ponies, commonly attributed with enhanced strength. These party ponies in particular are capable of swinging around cannons and tanks without breaking a sweat. Sure, Patrick can throw his own weight nearly a mile away when angered, but that pales in comparison to the amount of stuff these ponies can toss around on a regular basis.

But... Spongepants Squarebob is a friendly little guy that can drive sandwiches and rocks like they were automobiles.

Yes, but Pinkie Pie has lived a life where she can eat sandwiches and rocks.

So even with all that Karate under his belt, Spongebob and his friend still can't topple what are essentially Titans?

Basically, yeah. The only thing that could've potentially worked in the sea creatures' favor was if the battle took place in the ocean. However, in "Magic Duel", Pinkie Pie was stripped of both her nose and her mouth. Yet, she survived without any physically possible way to breathe for nearly twenty minutes. That is far longer than she'd need to finish off Spongebob and Patrick together.

In comparison, Spongebob's record time for surviving on land without water is technically just over one minute in his challenge against Sandy. *sigh* Oh well. Looks like Squarepants and Star weren't ready for da feet.

The winning team is Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich.

---Death Battle---

Meanwhile...

There is a lot of hollering coming from an off screen location. It's grouped with a plethora of punching and slapping noises. After a few ropes get tossed around the apple orchard, there's a single yelp followed by a surprised whinny. A squirrel wearing a purple bra and a flower on her head walks away proudly with her bag of apple prizes.

"Consarn it!" The camera pans over to an upside-down and tied up Applejack. "I would've won if that three-eyed jerk hadn't worn me out before you came along, you no-good, thieving varmint!"

"That's the fakest Texas accent I've ever heard!" retorts the squirrel before scurrying on her way.

Um... *ahem* This after-battle's victory goes to... Sandy Cheeks!

Author's Note

I'm kind of surprised I chose the silliest characters possible to make serious size comparisons.

Za Maud-O

Advisory: For best reading experience, set "Formatting" to "Dark" prior to scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Dare I try to write a chapter that can do this fight justice? It would probably look better if somebody animated it instead. Spoiler warning for Friendship is Magic, Season 4 "Maud Pie", Season 5 "Hearthbreakers", and Season 6 "The Gift of Maud Pie".

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Yasuko Kobayashi and Viz Media.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

All we're missing now is a bit of Fist of the North Star action.

You know what my three favorite things are? Third thing is giant swords. Second is guns. Can you guess the first?

Um... fists?

*Single clap* Nailed it!

Well then, you'll be happy to know that both of today's combatants have a specialty in punching extremely quickly.

First, there's the upstanding Jotaro "Jojo" Joestar. Ow! My tongue!

And the older sister of Pinkie Pie, Maud.

He's W and I'm B.

It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Jotaro Joestar
-AKA Jotaro Kujo
-Wears jackets with some confusing chains attached
-Can punch hard enough himself to cause opponents to bleed
-Stand: Star Platinum, an extension of his own will in the form of a uniquely colored man
-Star Platinum can phase through and/or touch objects as directed, throw rapid-fire punches, move through stopped time for up to five seconds, and is strong enough to keep an oil tanker or steam roller airborne for a relatively long time
-Any injury that Star Platinum experiences also affects Jotaro's real body, which can add onto any damage dealt directly to Jotaro
-The World: Temporary time-stop ability; due to already killing the time-stopper Dio, Jotaro's ability has waned to about half of a second

In the Shonen Jump universe, there is no shortage of absurdly crazy, yet very addictive adventure arcs. There are the cursed pirates of One Piece, the Soul Reapers of Bleach, the martial artist aliens of Dragon Ball, and even the parodies of other manga within Gin Tama.

Let's not forget the obscurely convenient relics that are constantly the search points for the Bizarre Adventures of JoJo.

The third arc of this... well... bizarre series introduced the protagonist Jotaro of the Joestar family or Jotaro Kujo in Japan. While he started off as a careless delinquent, he eventually discovered a power within himself called a Stand, a sort of manifestation of a power beyond oneself.

Jotaro's Stand in particular looks like a pro-league wrestler and is called Star Platinum. When called forth, it can do all sorts of things from beating the tar out of some poor sucker to precisely pinning pressure points.

Together with his grandfather Joseph -- after the latter broke his grandson out of prison -- he traveled many reaches of the world in search of Dio Brando, a powerful man that strapped a relic mask to his face that turned him into an immortal vampire that feeds off the blood of other people. Somehow, killing Dio was supposed to save Jotaro's mother from dying.

How the hell does that work? Who knows?

Star Platinum's abilities allow Jotaro to see a broad general area of where his desired target is. This Stand can phase through solid objects and collide with them at any given point, even allowing Jotaro to stop his own heartbeat to throw off his potential murderer.

But it's not just a tricky Hulk Hogan lookalike. The Stand can also lift and toss light posts, cars, and giant buildings with minimal effort. He can also punch really fast with a satisfying "ora-ora-ora" sound effect.

Star Platinum's fists can apparently withstand the sharp impact of dozens of knives at once. Plus, after a long, gruesome fight with Dio, Jotaro figured out how to use the time-stop ability Za Warudo, or "The World".

Even in a stopped time environment where Jotaro can't move, his Stand can still freely punch away for a five second duration. Even without the stand, Jotaro can punch through walls and survive getting tossed across a city, through a train car, and falling from several stories above pavement.

However, he does have limits to how much punishment he can take. In fact, any injuries that Star Platinum experiences get further added to the damage felt by Jotaro's actual body, making the use of Star Platinum a double-edged sword.

Hey, I can kill you, but it might cost me an arm that never touched you.

Plus, he cannot maintain the time stop forever, meaning he needs to work fast while he has The World in effect.

But since he's managed to top all sorts of people with just as much ridiculous power, I expect him to be a hit.

... Aren't you supposed to save one-liners until the end of the battle?

"Then, let's compare raw power."

---Death Battle---

Maud Pie
-Really like rocks (has a pet rock named "Boulder")
-Very monotone, very literal
-Wears a bluish-gray coat at all times
-Can toss large rocks far enough and hard enough to create a tsunami... out of a lake
-When motivated, can slam her hooves against a giant rock so fast that it becomes nothing more than a pile of pebbles and dust
-Her pushing strength is a bit inconsistent
-The Maud Sense: Lets her find exactly who/what she wants, even in a crowded city
-Can apparently break reality and appear on the left side of screen if she was previously standing on the right

The farms of the land of magical ponies are an important source of food, trade, peace, and... rocks?

I wonder how hard that is.

What is with you today?

I don't know, but among the eldest children of Igneous Rock Pie and Cloudy Quartz is the straight mare Maud. She takes everything so literally that it leaves fans dying on their floors in laughter... for reasons I have yet to understand.

You don't like dry humor, B? Your loss. But she doesn't just have a grounded personality. She also has interest in rocks, simple fashion, and poetry... that happens to be all about rocks. Plus, she carries her pet rock Boulder wherever she goes.

While not quite as an emotional wild card as her cotton candy of a sister, Maud does have a sense for finding exactly what she wants to find and know exactly where it is. It's like an enemy radar on steroids. I theorize that she can also break the fourth wall to some extent. How else would she appear right in front of a fleeing unicorn who dared to try and escape before telling her about her sister's cannon sacrifice?

Huh. That's... actually a pretty good inference. Aside from her spatial skip and her surprisingly good grace on the ice, she is also swift and strong enough to clear six stretches of an obstacle course and still have enough energy to grind a boulder to nothing more than harmless dirt particles.

Eat your heart out, Kenshiro.

Not to mention, she can apparently throw rocks of a similarly large density over a distance of three lake-sizes away and still cause a big enough impact to nearly empty the lake in front of her of its volume. However, her physical strength of throwing and punching does not quite translate to pushing, as she still struggles to push a different large boulder, even with her immediate family helping out.

If there's one thing the writers are good at doing, it's being inconsistent with their characters' power, making us poor co-hosts have an even more difficult job.

You mean giving me a more difficult job.

Isn't that what I just said?

"It was a dark and stormy night. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

We now bring you live to an open street in some unknown neighborhood. A thug in a red jacket gets tossed across the screen and lands on his head. His fellow gang members gather around in concern. They turn to look in fear at the man responsible for the bruises inflicted upon their leader. Nothing quite says intimidation like a golden chain.

Panicking, the gang picks up their leader and runs for the hills. Meanwhile, the remaining delinquent in white spits into a nearby bush and sighs. Why can't he just get a decent person that can figure out how to put up a fight? Maybe his bar is too high. After beating a time-stopping vampire that can throw knives and steam rollers, what's left?

His thoughts get interrupted by a random pebble landing on his shoulder. Curious, he holds out his hand and catches the tiny rock before gravity can take it any further.

"Boulder..." calls a pony with barely detectable urgency. "Where did you run off too?"

The camera pans several feet behind her. Somehow, she appears in the same posture facing the opposite direction. But, we just saw over there- Her original spot along the sidewalk is empty. O...kay, then. It's official: This pony scares me. Maybe we should just move on.

"There you are," she states with mild relief.

However, the moment of peace is short-lived. A few feet away is the tall man. The pony's eyes twitch ever so slightly upon seeing the alleged Boulder in his hand. She trots over carefully.

He hears her hoof steps and turns around. "And just what are you?"

"Sir, release my pet at once, please." She stares at him with a steady expression.

"Pet?" He puts his hand in his pocket while using his other hand to adjust his hat. "What are you talking about?"

"I won't ask nicely again." The pony takes a step forward. "Release my pet, please."

"Good grief... you're rather persistent in speaking nonsense." He points an index finger at her. "But, maybe I can humor you. Show me how strong you are, and I'll consider helping you find your hamster or whatever it is."

Rarity would describe the pony's expression as having fire in her eyes... though it's a lot easier to animate than actual fire. "For the record, I tried being polite first."

FIGHT!

Maud trots lively with a well-hidden fury fueling her legs. Jotaro doesn't seem too concerned. He actually puts his hands in his pockets and waits. At just under a meter away, Maud dashes forward. The man hums in confusion. It appears that the pony has her front hooves firmly clasped around his leg.

"Hey, what the...?" He lifts his leg and shakes it around. "Hanase!"

Try as he might, he can't seem to shake off his new passenger. He stomps that foot around himself at various points on the sidewalk. Still, she refuses to budge. Once more, Jotaro stomps down. But instead of his foot stepping on the pavement, Maud's hind legs plant themselves firmly down.

Jotaro is bewildered as he suddenly finds himself horizontal. This pony is somehow lifting him above her head with nothing but her front limbs. She gives him the same shaking treatment that he initially gave her. Something clatters out of Jotaro's pocket. Maud's ear twitches upon the rock's contact with the pavement.

Feeling satisfied, Maud spins around and tosses the pet-napper. He crashes headfirst through a car's window and onto the other side of the road. The vehicle's anti-burglar alarm blares loudly. Maud leans down and picks up Boulder on top of her hoof.

"Wait in my pocket until it's safe, Boulder," she says while stuffing her pet into her dress.

The pony's eyes turn toward the ruined car. Its beeping continues even as something lifts the vehicle off its wheels. While Jotaro stands close by, it appears that another muscular man is doing the heavy-lifting. The bluish wrestling champion look-alike throws the car with force to spare. Maud ducks down as the car flies over her. It lands on a row of bushes and promptly explodes.

"Like my Stand?" asks Jotaro. He runs across the street. "Let's go, Star Platinum!"

The Stand floats on ahead, aiming his fist at the pony. Maud jumps out of the way just in time to watch a section of the sidewalk turn into a small crater. Jotaro bends his legs at what most men would consider an uncomfortable angle.

"Have a nice flight!" He points his index finger.

Though her eyes stay the same, Maud lets out a light gasp as Star Platinum quickly closes the distance between them. He throws his fists in a rapid-fire punching motion from every angle in front of himself.

"Ora-ora-ora-ora-ora-ora-ora!"

The barrage of punches draws spittle from Maud's mouth. True to Jotaro's word, Star Platinum's last "ora" sends her flying off the right side of the camera shot. Jotaro sighs. He isn't sure why he expected anything that great to come from a slightly dressed up pony.

He also isn't sure how she gets a kick against his face from the left side of the screen. "Nani?"

Maud's hooves fill up the hit box as her hooves move in a similarly rapid pace as Jotaro's Stand did just a few seconds ago. The force of the impacts draws a trickle of blood from his mouth. His golden chain snaps off where its closest link is attached to his jacket. His feet slide against the sidewalk until he barely avoids the edge of the sidewalk crater. He coughs a couple times before he reaches up his hand and wipes his face.

"I am no longer disappointed," he admits. "Let's finish this properly."

Star Platinum glides right through Jotaro like a ghost. He hollers with determined intent. Maud responds by galloping forward and taking a leap. She keeps her steady expression even as she holds her hooves out. This time, each of Star Platinum's "oras" are matched with a front hoof jab. Neither of them is giving an inch or missing a punch.

The Stand pulls back a bit and prepares to throw a really strong punch.

"Sic 'em, Boulder!"

Suddenly, a rock goes flying against Star Platinum's left eye. There's a squishing noise as Jotaro yells and reaches up a hand to his now bleeding socket. Maud hits the pavement, galloping. She leaps straight at the distracted Jotaro. She throws her hoof into one more jab.

...

"Za Warudo."

Everything suddenly goes into a photo negative. All motion crawls to a standstill. At least, everything slows down except for a pained Jotaro and Star Platinum. Jotaro clenches his fist, crouches, and delivers an uppercut against the pony's rib cage. Star Platinum appears closer and finishes his punch against the pony's face.

"Time continues."

As the colors return to normal, Maud suddenly feels the impact of both of the punches at once. She gags on her own spit and blood as she crashes against the sidewalk. She leaves a huge skid mark in the pattern of her tail. Her head turns limp to the side. The life in her eyes fades. Star Platinum pulls Boulder out of his eye and tosses it over to the pony's side.

"I gotta hand it to you and your pet," says Jotaro. "You both put up a strong fight."

He turns around and walks. His hands are busy holding his chest and his left eye. He breathes heavily along the way.

K.O.!

---Death Battle---

Oh ho ho, yes! So much punching... it's delicious.

That sounds absolutely creepy. *Ahem* The matchup between anime protagonist and cartoon side character was much closer than one would initially think. Both Jotaro and Maud Pie have feats of strength that their average people can't even compare.

Maud's speed and keen eyes could keep up with Star Platinum's punching blow for blow. Hell, her ability to traverse the rules of the cartoon screen even managed to catch Jotaro off guard for a second there.

But ultimately, all of the force that Maud could deliver wasn't nearly enough to kill Jotaro. This man has survived forces of impact that no man really should, even among the most muscular. Compared to crashing through buildings, falling from a height above a state building's reach, not to mention the stabbing and tanker explosion... Maud's tsunami-inducing rock throw for a swimming pool doesn't quite stack up.

The crazy Dio had all of Jotaro's powers and then some and even he lost against him.

Finally, Maud had no reasonable way of countering Jotaro's time-stop, as small a window as it was. This would be enough of a chance for Jotaro or Star Platinum to get in the strikes necessary to end the match.

In the end, Maud Pie was pressured between The World and a hard place.

The winner is Jotaro Joestar.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

"Pressured between The World and a hard place"... really?
How about "Never bring a Boulder to a fist fight" or "For everything else, there's Star Platinum" or "Jojo, fight the power"?

Lightning Round: Shroud of Shadows

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Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

Spoiler warning: This may contain slight spoilers for episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as well as various video game titles and other television shows.

Four Lightning Round

Here the fights are conducted without waiting for analysis.

Eight fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

(A nightmare vs. Elm Street)

---The Tantabus vs. Freddy Krueger---

A light cloud cover hides the stars of a night sky. A warm wind blows some leaves away from a tree. They pass by a street sign. It reads, "ELM ST." The camera focuses on a single household. Transitions take the visual through the window, up the stairs, into a bed room, and a little boy's forehead.

Within the child's dreams, the picture seems about as normal as can be. The boy swims through an ocean of toys. He takes a tumble through some birds of the angry variety. He then grabs some oven mitts and starts boxing with a clown.

Suddenly, the opposing clown grows a set of claws on one glove. His face almost looks melted and burned. His goofy wig reforms into a tattered hat.

"Hello, Tiny Tim," he chuckles.

A puff of blue smoke taps the creature on the shoulder. He turns to look. As he does so, Tim backs up into one corner of 'The Ring'. The blue smoke puff flows like a river and taps one of the ropes. The Ring turns into a snake pit. Tim's breathing gets very shallow. Meanwhile, the clawed entity grunts, not amused.

Nobody blink!

Strike!

Freddy Krueger jumps over to the shadowy entity. He swings his clawed glove back and forth. The Tantabus looks like it splits up into shreds... for about two seconds. It reforges itself into a single cloud and flows upward. It transforms into a rain cloud and throws down a lightning strike.

As Tim starts sinking into the snakes, Krueger gets electrocuted. He takes a few steps forward and seems to be growing in size. He takes a big breath, then blows the rain cloud away. The Tantabus reforges itself into a zeppelin with a giant turbo pack. It rushes forth like a jet and does an aileron roll so fast that it drills through Krueger's stomach region and out his back.

Krueger shrinks back to about human size to recuperate his body's mass. He grabs a dream blunderbuss and blasts the Tantabus jet out of the dream sky. By this point, Tim is almost completely buried in the snakes. Krueger makes a quick grab for the kid's skull. He then proceeds to stab the boy through the heart.

The image changes to some little girl having a tea party. Her guest of honor is the Princess of Elmington. The little girl's invisible tea and toast are a hit with all of the fine company. However, the Tantabus reaches down a few tendrils onto each of the plastic dishes. The dishes transform into troll doll zombies that jump up and down before chasing the girl away from the tea party.

Krueger climbs into the dream from beneath and flips the table. The table flies right into the Tantabus and explodes into shards of glass. That glass becomes a dusty mist before peppering the blue smoke with tiny holes. Krueger then takes a few more swings with his clawed glove. There is an unholy scream emitting from the Tantabus as it gets shredded.

The melted man pulls up a man-sized furnace door. The contraption opens, surrounds the remains of the Tantabus, and sets itself on fire. Freddy waves 'bye-bye' with his clawed glove before slamming the door shut. He then proceeds to turn around and makes a quick grab at the scared little girl.

In a slightly different bed, the girl opens her eyes and mouth wide. A set of claws emerges from her belly, releasing an insane and happy Freddy Krueger. He laughs the night away.

Fatality!

This Lightning Round's winner is... Freddy Krueger!

(Twilight's Kingdom vs. Dragon Age: Inquisition)

---Tirek vs. Corypheus---

Various slithering monsters and green ghosts wander about the lands. More ghosts rain from a giant breach in the sky. Somewhere on the ground, an entity covered in red spikes and lyrium mutations is lifting a small green orb. That orb is channeling eerie magic to the sky's hole.

The camera pans over to a separate patch of land. Everything shakes as a large centaur tramples the land. He actually steps on a few of the smaller demons before looking at the puny opponent.

It's do or die!

Engage!

Corypheus fires a few red and green spell blasts from the things that currently occupy where his hands should be. Tirek holds up an arm and flexes. The magical blasts just bounce off the muscle. Tirek channels an orange blast between his horns and releases it. The arch-mage grunts and floats his entire body out of the way. The blast singes only the platform on the ground.

After taking to the sky, Corypheus points his free hand. One dark gray monstrosity and one sickly blue abomination rise out of the Fade. Both of them run up and grab two of the centaur's legs apiece. Roaring, Tirek twists his upper torso. He delivers a punch to the dark gray monstrosity, punching its head clean off. Toward the remaining abomination, he focuses a levitation force and flings it toward the distant mountains.

Tirek proceeds to slam both of his fists into the ground. The shock wave creates a rippling of rocks from the ground. Corypheus hollers to the sky. A jagged dragon screeches and blasts some red breath magic at the incoming rock wave. The attacks collide, turning into a mess of pebbles. The arch-demon follow up by flapping its wings and biting right into the centaur's neck.

With a pained yell, Tirek reaches up and grabs one wing in each of his giant hands. After much force and hollering, he yanks off the wings to either side. He then proceeds to kick and stomp on the dragon with his hooves. He hops over to Corypheus and slams his palms against the arch-mage. The centaur then clenches a fist and spins around.

Tirek hurls his opponent into the sky. Corypheus finds himself colliding with the Breach at an extremely high velocity. The resulting collision creates a large force of magic. It overwhelms the orb in his hand and crumbles it. With a bit of screaming, the arch-mage's body follows suit.

Pulverized!

This round's victory goes to... Tirek!

(The Crystal King vs. Sonic Next-Gen)

---Sombra vs. Mephiles the Dark---

An exiled king wanders the land as a living smoke cloud. Muttering under his breath, he munches on the useless pages he won from that Slender monster in the forest. Surprisingly, they taste better than any of the dry grass he passes over.

Something twinkles near an old structure of rocks. He flows closer to the marble pillars. He shifts into his unicorn form with a steel-hot horn. The object that catches his attention is sitting at the base of the pillar. It looks like a small scepter of sorts. But what he is really interested in is the top piece.

"Cryyystal." He licks his chops and reaches down with his fanged muzzle.

A crack forms in the scepter's base. The jagged line reaches further and further. Finally, the whole object shatters. It releases a mix of dark clouds and fluids. The dark states of matter start swirling together. Within a few seconds, an anthro hedgehog with iced quills and glowing red eyes stands where the scepter used to be.

The unicorn growls. The hedgehog chuckles at the naivety of his new target.

Feast your eyes on this!

Fight!

Sombra growls and charges some sickly magic. This magic is composed of what looks like green, black, and purple splotches. He fires it forth at the other living shadow. Mephiles flinches as the magic passes through him. Behind him, the pillar transforms into a dark crystalline tower. However, The Dark rights his head without any worse for wear.

"How cute," Mephiles says, despite not having a mouth. "That tickled."

The king snarls and focuses his magic elsewhere. Some sharp, black rocks shoot out of the ground and impale the 'hedgehog' in multiple places. However, Mephiles' limbs just detach themselves while the rest of his body turns into a dark purple cloud and flows into a single point in front of the rocky protrusions.

As Mephiles pulls himself together, he holds out a clawed hand out in front of him. A violet mist grabs hold of Sombra and lifts him up. Mephiles swings his arm around. The mist follows the same trajectory and tosses Sombra. The unicorn crashes headfirst through the crystal pillar, causing the construction to break into rubble.

Mephiles chuckles. "If I am a flower, then you are a mere seed."

A big, black smoke cloud rises out of the ruins. Along one plume, a pair of greenish, red eyes carry a curved horn of red. Sombra growls and surrounds the whole immediate area with himself. A quick sweep through reveals that some rocky protrusions have been strewn all over Mephiles' body. However, the hedgehog-esque darkness quickly remedies that with a small burst of Chaos energy all around him. The rocks turn to dust and blow away.

"I grow bored of this jester's entertainment," says The Dark, floating a green Chaos Emerald above his claw.

Sombra the smoke cloud locks his eyes on the Emerald. He seems... caught in a trance. The plume with his face actually salivates at the sight of the shiny rock. He starts concentrating his density closer to it.

Mephiles makes a sweeping motion with his other clawed limb. A lot of the smoke clears away, leaving the dark unicorn to ride a crystal hill on his quest for a crystal snack.

"Die."

An surging, black light stream flies out of Mephiles' claw. It leaves a giant hole in Sombra's chest. At a loss for words, probably because his lungs and voice box are out of commission, Sombra topples over into the dirt.

"What difference is there between a horse and a dog?" asks The Dark rhetorically. "I can slay them both."

Overkill!

This round's winner is... Mephiles.

(Mare in the Moon vs. Xiaolin Showdown)

---Nightmare Moon vs. Chase Young---

"The Alicorn Amulet is said to amplify the wearer's powers immensely. It can even grant them certain, impossible powers such as inflicting torturous pain and messing with the aging cycle. The catch is that it corrupts the user's soul to be pure evil and only that individual can remove it."

The small monk rolls the scroll back up into its compartment. He and a few mismatched companions ride on the back of a dragon of the Eastern Asian variety, long body and wingless. Today, the girl of the group has a semi-goth blue hair style and she's preoccupied with a handheld video game. The boy sporting the black outfit of the leader crosses his arms.

"Anyone else find it weird that Dashi made a lot of Shen Gong Wu that turns out to be evil?" he asks, looking rather miffed.

"All the more reason to find it and lock it up." The big-boned cowboy adjusts his hat.

A heavily covered forest comes into view. The dragon zigzags around the sky before making a gradual descent through the trees. The four kids hop off their ride and take up their poses on the ground. Meanwhile, the dragon shrinks down to a carry-on size. A purple cloud-thing skates along the edge of the screen.

"Xiaolin Warriors, you are far too predictable," says a man whose hair could almost pass for a Saiyan, if it weren't for the slit irises in his eyes and the bronze armor.

"Chase Young!" calls out the monk.

"What are you doing here?" asks the Xiaolin Leader.

"I thought I'd stop by and test your skills." Chase holds out an open palm to either side of himself. "After all, this 'Alicorn Amulet' that you seek will most definitely turn one of you over to the Heylin side. But which one of you is most worthy?"

"Ain't no way that's gonna happen!" The cowboy grunts.

"Do you really think we're going to lose another one after we worked so hard to get Omi back?" The girl points her finger accusingly at Young.

"Well, Raimundo, shall we punch his rear?" Omi looks at the leader expectantly.

"Kick his butt," corrects Raimundo.

"Gladly!" The monk misinterprets the correction as an order.

All of the warriors charge forth at varied paces. Clay jumps forward and stomps the earth. A wave of rocks heads toward the man. Chase casually somersaults over the rocks and jumps on the cowboy's hat, knocking the boy over. Clay's momentum ends up sliding him all the way into his own pile of rocks.

Kimiko flips around, conjures fireballs, and launches them in a ring path. Chase jumps and ducks out of the way of the blasts as each one explodes on the ground or ignites one of the surrounding trees. After some more dodging, Chase grabs the girl by the wrist and whips her around. He sends her flying toward the earlier pile of rocks. Just as Clay manages to dislodge a few boulders, the surprised Kimiko slams into him. They both end up wedged under the rocks.

Raimundo comes in, throwing his fists around. Chase dodges left and right. A couple small tornadoes whirl around the two combatants. The element of wind speeds up Rai's punches to the point of being blurs in the breeze. This time, Chase lifts an open palm and moves it all over the place, somehow blocking each and every one of the super-fast punches. He delivers a swift kick to the leader's stomach. The rock pile now contains three Xiaolin Warriors.

The monk stares at the villain. The villain stares back. Both of them run around, jump along tree branches, spin as they jump from one part of the ground to another, and throw various physical strikes at each other. All of this takes place as they shout a bunch of random phrases in sync.

"Monkey steals the peaches! Dog plays the trumpet! Tiger chases deer! Panda cooks the ramen! Stork drops the bundle!"

"Monkey steals the peaches! Dog plays the trumpet! Tiger chases deer! Panda cooks the ramen! Stork drops the bundle!"

"Robin takes the cake!" shouts Chase.

"Robin does what?" Omi asks mid-strike.

In a three-strike move, Chase sends the monk soaring over to crash into the other Xiaolin Warriors. They all groan after getting covered in rocks. Chase crosses his arms.

"What a shame." He shakes his head. "It seems none of you are ready yet." He turns around and opens up a small chest. "Oh, well. I might as well take this for safekeeping."

Inside the chest, there is an amulet depicting a black horse's head and a red jewel in the center. Chase grasps it between his fingers. However, a purple smoke tendril grabs the other side at the same time. As a result, the amulet gains a golden glow.

"Not so fast," chuckles a voice unfamiliar to those of the Xiaolin Showdown universe. "If anypony is going to wield the power that can match alicorns, it's going to be me."

The smoke forms into a four-legged creature in blue-plated armor. Why am I still trying to hide this in vague descriptors? You all saw the title for this little segment. It's Nightmare Moon. Her night sky for a mane is currently grabbing the Alicorn Amulet.

"You'd make a nice target practice for Wuya," comments Chase.

"I don't know who this 'Wuya' is," remarks Nightmare Moon, "but she sounds like a bland stallion."

"In any case, since we're both holding this Wu, the winner must be decided in a Xiaolin Showdown," explains Chase.

"What a ridiculous name." Nightmare chuckles. "Why would I participate in a childish competition when I could simply destroy you and take it for myself?"

The currently small Dojo interjects. "Uh, because the rules say that your body part will be permanently fused to the Shen Gong Wu being held as the prize until you agree to the Showdown's terms."

Try as she might, Nightmare Moon can't remove her mane from the amulet. "Well, that stinks." She snorts. "Fine then. I'll give you a showdown. First to die loses."

"That's fine by me," agrees Chase. "Also, since you don't seem to have any Shen Gong Wu to wager, I will not use any either. I'll rely only on my martial arts skills."

"Handicapping yourself?" asks Nightmare. "Fine, but I don't want you to make excuses when your life is forfeited because of your own arrogance."

Chase calmly shrugs. "Let's go: Xiaolin Showdown!"

Upon his declaration, the terrain shifts and turns in a number of inexplicable ways. Mountains grow out of a valley. Some trees twist around and morph into giant Venus fly-traps. White clouds stretch overhead, becoming thunderheads. Several plateaus also rise up from the ground. Chase gets positioned on one while Nightmare Moon is placed on top of another.

"This looks like Discord's handiwork," mutters Nightmare Moon.

This ought to be a match to remember!

Gong Yi Tan Pai!

Nightmare flaps her wings and takes to the skies. In a dark, sky hue, her magic is released in a concentrated beam. The man leaps over to another platform just as his starting plateau gets blasted into rubble. She tries firing a couple more shots of the same variety. But he manages to jump out of the way.

Soon, however, there is only one tall plateau left. Chase looks up at the dark horse. Nightmare reveals her fangs in a grin as she fires one more magic blast. Black lightning spirals around this beam.

Widescreen bars emphasize Chase Young's smirk. As the screen returns to normal, he jumps up and somersaults. Suddenly, the color of his armor extends to his skin. His limbs stretch out to end with claws and a tail grows out from his back. His face now resembles that of the dragons from which he has stolen life.

"What?" gasps Nightmare.

The dragonic Chase slams into the pony and they both descend. Nightmare ends up crashing against the side of a mountain. Meanwhile, Chase scratches against her with his claws a few times. Grunting, Nightmare Moon avoids the last slash by transfiguring herself into her purple, cloudy form. She twirls around Chase as a tornado before a white light takes her.

She teleports over the Venus fly-traps, and stops spinning. The man-dragon falls. He looks down and growls. Spreading his claws apart, he conjures a ball of blackish-blue fire and tosses it at the carnivorous plants. One of the mouths gets disintegrated in the blaze. The other moves slightly and opens itself wide for the falling dragon.

There is a dragon's roar as Chase slices through the back of the fly-trap's throat (stem?). He pounds the ground before looking up at the Nightmare. She looks down with intrigue. He picks up the head of the fly-trap he just slayed. He spins around several times before letting it go into the air. Immediately after, he pounces on top of the plant's head and rides it up toward the alicorn.

Nightmare Moon casts two spells in rapid succession. The first is a beam cutting right through the plant like it's nothing. Chase leaps out of the way of that one. But her second spell suspends him in the air with a slight bluish aura. She's levitating him. She turns her head and throws him toward the far ground below at breakneck speeds.

She follows up with one more beam spell to send the dragon-man at turbo speed toward the ground. His next relationship with the earth becomes very intimate and messy. ... An explosion sends rocks everywhere. The long-haired man returns to his human form, but his eyes are slammed shut. His chest goes completely still.

After a few flashbacks of the events that just happened, the terrain and forest return to relatively the same shapes they were in before the showdown began. Only this time, the challenger is out cold. Meanwhile, the Alicorn Amulet floats toward the winner. It connects with her neck. Her eyes glow in an unholy combination of turquoise and red.

The moon rises high with blood-red light. The sky begins to follow its crimson example. Nightmare Moon cackles more wildly than she ever laughed before.

Apock-Eclipse!

This round's victory goes to... Nightmare Moon.

Author's Note

:twilightoops: :rainbowderp: :pinkiegasp: :applejackunsure:
Well, that world's screwed. My bad.

Revenge Time is Over; What's Next?

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Sometimes, I just don't want to do things the easy way. Let's defy some odds, darn it!
Spoiler alert for Season 6 of MLP: FiM along with Mortal Kombat X.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and NetherRealm Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Without the rage of vengeance guiding them, how are powerhouses supposed to fill their free time?

There is no shortage of characters that trek the path toward getting revenge.

Once you leave that path, what's left to do? Find someone else to fight! Duh.

Starlight Glimmer, ex-mayor of an isolated village and current student of Twilight Sparkle.

And Hanzo Hasashi, ex-demon of Hell and current leader of a rebuilding ninja clan.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Starlight Glimmer
-The unicorn formerly known as Mayor of "Our Town"
-Has enough raw magical talent to rival Princess Twilight Sparkle
-Levitation, teleportation, beams, force fields, pseudo-flight, cloud-walking (implied), cutie mark removal, forced speech spell
-Is a bit impulsive and controlling
-Has a plethora of facial expressions
-Well-versed in sarcasm and mockery
-Current pupil of Twilight Sparkle

In the giant eyesore of a castle smack dab in Ponyville, you'll find three residents: the OP, MC, PP Twilight Twinkle-

:facehoof: "Sparkle."

... a dragon who doubles as a child laborer, and the one student of friendship Starlight Glimmer.

But before she became the newest edition to the series' main cast, she was once an ordinary filly. She spent most of her time hanging out with another young unicorn called Sunburst. Together with his understanding and growing knowledge and her raw potential for practical application, they pretty much had the bases covered when it came to magic.

Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. No, wait, wrong script. I meant a Jenga tower of books nearly crushed Starlight.

Fortunately, Sunburst saw the danger just in time to do something about it. Determined to save his friend, he poured all of his magic into the effort of preventing that tower from falling. This resulted in a temporary self-levitation as well as re-shelving all of the books in the correct order no less. Upon completing this task, he earned his cutie mark as well as his parents' approval to send him to study magic at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.

But, not everyone was happy that the little guy got a new tattoo on his hips. See, children are kind of impressionable and have this tendency to exaggerate implications in the confines of their own mind. In Starlight's case, she assumed that cutie marks were the cause of separating friends. She swore she would create a place where she could wipe all the butt marks clean and replace them with math. Huh. You know, when I say it out loud, it kind of sounds stupid.

Starlight Glimmer made her way to the edge of Equestria and founded a village. She developed a spell that could replace the cutie mark of every new arrival with an equal sign that forcibly inhibits that pony's inner talent... as well as any unique accents. D**n it! That is not how Southern idioms work!

Then our heroes were told by a magical map to go to the place, free everyone's beauty stamps, and practically run her out of her own town.

Enraged that her idea of 'harmony' had been destroyed, Starlight swore revenge and kept hidden surveillance on Twilight for the next several weeks. Eventually, she found her window of opportunity in the form of a time spell and a presentation about Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom: the connection between the six bearers of Harmony. Armed with this knowledge, she went into Twilight's castle, found the map, and-

She sat her *ay* on Fluttershy's throne for *gee* knows how long. Seriously, what kind of idiot waits around for their arch-nemesis to show up before trying to put their plan into action? Oh, right. Every villain in fictional media ever!

By altering the past just slightly, Starlight was able to prevent the Rainboom from happening and connecting Twilight and her friends in the first place. Every time Twilight came back to try and remedy it, the future... er, present... would be completely different and she wouldn't have her friends as she knew they were meant to be.

And it wasn't for lack of trying. While Starlight's bridge-smashing and beam spells couldn't hold a candle to Twilight's shield spells when they had first met, the sociopath had been jump-starting her magical studies and practice to the point of being able to do a bunch of different stuff. Floating herself via levitation, freezing her opponents in crystal blocks, force fields that can block an alicorn's magic, and beams that can cut through magical cloud rings -- the type that can somehow withstand a solid pegasus pony running into them.

It took a peek at her past and a begging speech from Twilight Sparkle to finally convince Starlight to stop and try to give friendship another chance. Despite being brought back to the way of the Jedi, I mean good, Starlight still didn't quite get rid of her bad habits of being a control freak. This included magically transmogrifying appliances into other things, teleporting, and a spell that can force another throat into talking non-stop with a vocabulary that baffles even the speaker.

Still, even if she doesn't like Christmas in May like the rest of the ponies, at least she got a nice haircut out of the Season's transition. Speaking of hair, I got a pattern shaped like something really cool under my hat...

No, no, no, no, no! Never again! Leave that hat on! ... *Ahem* She started out relatively strong as a new force of good. Together with the alicorn princesses, they had enough magic to hold a shattered Crystal Heart together long enough for it to be restored and save the Empire from an impending freeze. At the same time, Starlight rekindled her friendship with Sunburst.

Yeah! Now they both have hip tattoos! Conforming wins except when you're the one trying to force it.

She was also able to become new friends with a slowly reforming Trixie, something even Twilight has yet to accomplish.

If Starlight is like a Jedi now, does that mean she's good with Forced persuasion?

"That seems a little extreme."

"Says the pony who took away everypony's cutie marks and replaced them with equal signs."

---Death Battle---

Hanzo Hasashi
-Codename: Scorpion
-Formerly a demon that served under Quan Chi
-Restored to human life by Raiden counteracting Quan Chi's sorcery
-Current leader of a rebuilding Shirai Ryu clan
-Ninjutsu, Hopkido, and a few other martial arts maneuvers
-Weapon of choice: Kunai on a chain, twin katana
-Retains his fire-based powers that he had as Scorpion, including a teleport
-Resistant to peaceful negotiations after a life fueled by vengeance

After disobeying his father and taking up the Shirai Ryu clan colors, Hanzo Hasashi became a ninja that would support his wife and child. But it wasn't long before tragedy struck and killed the rest of his clan along with his family.

Wanting revenge, he struck a deal with the Netherrealm sorcerer Quan Chi and became his demon servent: Scorpion.

"Get over here!"

Eventually, Scorpion found the supposed killer Bi Han or Sub-Zero. Things didn't go too well for the blue palette swap upon his death in the pits of Hell. But later, Scorpion found out that it was actually Quan Chi who killed his family.

He... took it pretty well.

Quan Chi's head is separated from his body and rolls along the ground.

But then a bunch of crap went down. The world was headed for Armageddon. Shao Kahn nearly destroyed everything left on the world. In a last ditch effort, the old thunder god Raiden decided to send a message back to his past self to try and fix everything.

If Back to The Future and The Flash have taught us anything, it's that time travel never goes exactly the way we intend it. In the case of the rebooted Mortal Kombat tournament, several people ended up dead as Revenants: souls that are trapped in undead bodies and sworn to Quan Chi and Shinnok forever.

Fast forward by about twenty years. Johnny Cage came near death at Quan Chi's hand and Sonya countered with the only appropriate response: stuck her high heels right into the sorcerer's balls.

And while Quan Chi was, um... distracted... Raiden reversed Quan Chi's Revenant curse and not only saved Johnny's life, but also restored life to all of the Revenant people that were in the immediate vicinity at the time. These were the younger brother Sub-Zero, former marine Jackson Briggs, and Hanzo Hasashi.

With another chance at living a human life, Hanzo became friends with the blind swordsman Kenshi. They decided the former demon would be a perfect secret ninja trainer to Kenshi's son. Hanzo trained the kid pretty well, considering it only took a few years for Takeda to reach Chunin level.

And unlike his original timeline where he merely swore to protect the younger Sub-Zero, this timeline's Scorpion made a peace agreement with Sub-Zero and the Lin Kuei, both swearing to return their respective clans to honor. Though, it wasn't without a few death threats from Hanzo beforehand.

Aww... so he's not a ninja from Hell anymore? That's really underwhelming.

Maybe, maybe not. Returning to life may have actually given Scorpion quite a few perks. While no longer drawing strength from the Netherrealm, he can still utilize fire and teleportation in combat. No longer blinded by rage, he can fight with more precision strikes which nicely complement his ninjutsu and mastery of martial arts. Plus, that allows his kunai to pierce more thoroughly and his sword to swing cleanly through his enemy's neck with ease.

I guess you're right. Besides, he managed to convince a growing number of people to wear his yellow clothing. So- What the *eff*?!

The screen shows Hanzo performing his "Toasty" Fatality, pulling off his face and breathing fire from his skull.

But he... how did that... huh?

Well, DLC can't account for everything.

"You are Scorpion no longer?"

"Yet I maintain his skill."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

It looks like a beautiful day in Ponyville. Birds are singing. The sun is shining. It's the perfect weather for a picnic. There's... just one problem... and it's in the form of a pinkish-gray computer getting tossed out of a castle window and into a dumpster. The dumpster is then briefly covered in an aquamarine aura before the whole thing bursts into flames.

The front door of the castle opens. An irritated unicorn with a long, front mane-hair stomps her hooves along the ground. Her horn glows and slams the door behind her. She lets out an exhausted sigh.

"I can't believe I let Muffins talk me into doing a Merciless Restart," she mutters. " 'Easier than Paragon'? What the hay was she smoking and which druggie's cutie mark do I have to remove to cut off her supply?" She shakes her head. "No, I'm not going to actually do that. I just need to talk her down a bit. I'm allowed to vent a little when I'm upset, right?"

She bumps into a yellow and black figure. "Oof! Sorry, Bumblebee."

"That's alright," insists the Wonderbolt Reserve before she flies out of view.

The unicorn trots along and then runs into a man.

Well, at least he keeps insisting that he's a man. "Weeping Angels, Miss Glimmer! Don't startle me like that."

"Sorry, Doc Nine," says Miss Glimmer as she continues her path of relatively quiet, emotional sorting.

To keep the rule of three satisfied, the actual person we are having her meet today is approaching from the opposite direction. He rocks a solid beard and mustache combo and wears two swords on his yellow-covered back. Training tape is wrapped around each of his upper arms. A yellow headband adorns his head while sandals cover his feet.

"I seek the princess," he declares.

Glimmer points a hoof behind herself. "Check the castle down the street. You can't miss it."

"Much appreciated." He bows slightly before walking.

Something strikes Starlight as strange about this individual. It isn't the fact that he's human. Those have been passing through her slice of alternate, universal and/or romantic randomness more and more lately. No, her attention is on the weapons in the man's possession. Specifically, a sharp object drops just out of his hand's reach, but is still attached to a chain.

"Wait!" she calls out. "What's that knife for?"

The man stops, turning his head slightly. "It is simply a precaution, nothing to concern yourself over."

In a flash of her magic light, she appears a few feet in front of him. "Like hoof it isn't! I won't let you assassinate Twilight. You'll have to go through me first."

Slightly miffed, the man lifts his hands into fists. "You are delusional."

"FIGHT!"

Hanzo Hasashi runs forward and jumps. He holds his leg out to kick his obstacle. Starlight Glimmer's horn glows and a field of similar light spreads out around her. It pushes his foot along with the rest of him backward. But just as he's about to hit the ground, he disappears in a flash of flames.

Starlight looks confused, trying to see where the attacker went. Hanzo appears behind her and kicks her in the tail. Another blaze teleports him in front. This time, he punches her in the head. He performs this attack rush a couple more times. Then, a light blue light causes her to vanish.

When his foot collides with empty air, Hanzo is surprised. This confusion is quickly replaced with a pained yelp when a magic bolt hits him in the back. He turns around, but there's nothing there. Another bolt is fired and hits him in the back. He only glances in the general direction this time.

A self-levitating Starlight grins to herself. "You're not the only one who can teleport."

"So I see," admits Hanzo.

He holds his fists apart slightly and releases a giant fireball in the unicorn's direction. She allows herself to drop a few inches out of the way before refocusing her levitation spell. The fireball zooms past her before blowing out. But the next moment, she has a kunai snagging her chest. A chain leads all the way back to Hanzo's arm.

"Get over here!"

She yelps as he yanks her toward him. He clenches his hand into a fist and crouches. As soon as she gets within range, he delivers an uppercut into her face. She goes flipping backward. He launches his chained kunai again. However, she casts a teleportation spell and vanishes out of the way.

Grunting, Hanzo pulls out his swords. Starlight reappears a few feet away with eyes rolling around from dizziness. She shakes her head to clear her mind. The Shira Ryu runs in close to swing his blades. The unicorn concentrates her magic into a single beam. It makes contact with the right blade, sending it flying. She then sets up a force field, causing the impact with the left blade to break the sword in half.

The first sword clangs against the ground a few feet away. Hanzo spins around with his foot out, tripping the unicorn onto her side. She gets up as quickly as possible. But he repeats the motion and trips her again. She stands on her hooves a third time, and gets tripped in the exact same way.

Finally, she teleports out of foot's reach. But this time, Hanzo expects the back attack. In preemptive retaliation, he releases two kunai attached to chains from his short sleeves.

"Come here!"

In desperation, Starlight casts some magic that seems to curl itself in the air in a twisting motion. It forces itself down Hasashi's throat, causing his breath to pause and his eyes to go wide. After all of that spell is inevitably swallowed, his mouth opens and shuts at a rapid pace.

"What sorcery is this? What have you infected me with? I feel an uncontrolled urge to speak even though I don't have anything I wish to say to you... and my vocabulary is stretching its verbosity beyond what is feasibly consistent with my cultural heritage..."

Try as he might, Hanzo can't shut up. He even lets go of his chains and presses his hands against his lips. But he just keeps yammering on. There's even a bit of Einstein's Theory of Relativity in the vocalized mix. While he's busy fighting his own tongue, Starlight focuses her magic on lifting up the sword a few feet away.

She swings it through the chains to shatter the connection between herself and her opponent. There is an eerie darkness that falls upon this makeshift battlefield. Starlight flings the sword forward. Its blade pierces Hanzo's cranium and cuts right through to his lower jaw, finally silencing the never-ending filibuster. The ninja falls onto his back, his body convulsing slightly before ceasing to move.

"FATALITY!"

Starlight groans before turning around and trotting back toward the castle. She knows better than to remove the sharp objects from her body right then and there. Else, she risks bleeding out too much before finding the right treatment.

"I sure hope I can find the med-kit room."

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

What? Scorpion! Nooooooo!

This was a surprisingly close match. While he has fought his fair share of sorcerers and even gods as Scorpion, Hanzo Hasashi is not quite prepared to face magic users in the Equestrian universe.

But the ninja skills! The teleporting! Everything!

Technically, Hanzo has more formal combat training and experience, yes. But his superhuman abilities aren't that much compared to what Starlight is capable of. She had spells and the tricky improvisation to avoid and deflect some of Hanzo's deadliest techniques. Plus, her style of combat isn't as predictable as someone that charges straight into battle.

I mean I guess... Scorpion seems to follow similar conduct to the likes of Ryu Hayabusa and Strider Hiryu when it comes to combat. Go in all flashy with swords swinging and fists coming head on; use very little of the stealth training.

The forced speech spell in particular would be something that Hanzo had no way of knowing about or feasibly countering. Even if Starlight hadn't used his sword against him, all of that non-stop talking would have eventually led any man to fall unconscious due to a shortage of breathable air.

Plus, she has those transmogrifying spells that could have transformed the sharper weapons into much safer objects like giant cakes and harmless crystals, and she can defend herself against magic users that are way stronger than her like Twilight.

Coming back to life may have been a blessing for Hanzo, but it wouldn't save him from death against the unusual arsenal that Starlight wields.

*Sigh* He shouldn't have gotten into so much skullduggery.

The winner is Starlight Glimmer.

---Death Battle---

Moments later...

"Starlight! What happened to you?" asks the Princess of Friendship. "Where did those knives come from?"

After patching herself up, Starlight rips off the end of the bandaging roll with her teeth. "There was a human coming here who was going to try and kill you."

"Uh... did this human happen to be wearing yellow and black in the style of an Eastern stealth warrior?"

"Yeah... wait. How did you know that?"

Twilight holds a hoof to her own chest, then exhales to calm down. "Starlight, I told you there was an ambassador coming from Earthrealm earlier today. You were locked in your room all morning, so I knocked. I wanted to let you know ahead of time so you wouldn't be unnerved by his arrival in any way... such as accidentally killing him."

The memory of Starlight returns to where she was so immersed in her video game that she thought the knock on the door was a figment of her imagination. "Oh... um... oops?"

Twilight gives her a disappointed stare.

"Alright, alright! I'll go have a word with that world's Elder Gods or someone who can bring him back. Sheesh."

Starlight teleports out of the scene.

Author's Note

...
Well, this isn't the first time I've made an unpopular final decision.
I'm sure it won't be the last.

Eagle Scope

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Well, I was bound to run into a mismatch sooner or later. Let's go!
Warning: May contain slight spoilers for various episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Xiaolin Showdown.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Warner Bros. Animation.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

If you're looking for similarities, they can both fly. Right?

When there are so many characters across so many cartoons, you knew we would have to kill them all eventually.

Dark much, B? Anyway, we have two characters that have grown accustomed to playing dirty because that's what the world around them demanded.

The self-proclaimed "Evil Boy Genius" Jack Spicer...

... will be facing Gilda the gryphon.

Man, do I feel sorry for that bird that's about to get roasted.

What?

I said, "He's W and I'm B."

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Jack Spicer
-Human that lives in the basement
-Tinkers with machines and blowtorches
-Has a backpack with retractable propellers (flight)
-Most common tools: Jack-Bots
-Most common Shen Gong Wu: Monkey Staff
-Actual level of intelligence fluctuates between episodes
-Has openly admitted to "cheating on his IQ test"
-Tries and fails to be taken seriously by the other villains, often due to his own cowardice

The Xiaolin Dragon Warriors consist of four rag-tag children that have learned to harness the four elements: earth, fire, wind, and water. In their quest to recover the mystical Shen Gong Wu that have been scattered across the world, which foes stand in their way?

The crime lord boss that dresses like a panda? The evil cat-owner that also doubles as his own dragon fighter? The frigging bean that can shape-shift into just about any size he wants? Raimundo?! ... What? That's a pretty safe bet, no offense.

"None taken. I would've taken that bet myself."

The most consistent villain that calls himself the Prince of Darkness is... Jack Spicer, a boy that loves tinkering with robotics, wearing black trench coats, and eating pudding pops.

Yeesh! That is some pale skin. I guess that's how you can tell how long he spends in his mother's basement.

He probably would have been happy to stay there, if it weren't for a mystical puzzle box that he found and solved. In doing so, he inadvertently released the ghostly Wuya, a witch of the Heylin side determined to find all of the Shen Gong Wu and rule the world.

Seeing as how she didn't have a physical body after spending 1500 years stuffed in a box, she kind of had to talk the nearest person to do her dirty work for her. Luckily for her, Jack agreed and started hunting down the shiny, glowing trinkets of weird powers. Seriously, have you seen some of what this junk does? Someone must have been high when they made a pair of glider wings that spit out rainbows as it flies.

You mean the Wings of Tinabi?

I was going to say the Weeds of Tanuki, but sure.

Anyway, each of the Wu can be picked up and used by anyone as long as they can pronounce the object's full name. Things get very interesting when two or more people touch a single Wu simultaneously. In order to claim that Wu, they must participate in a challenge known as a Xiaolin Showdown. The rules of which must be declared before the challenge starts. Whoever wins the challenge gets the Shen Gong Wu as their prize along with any other Wu that their opponents wagered for use during the showdown.

And apparently, these showdowns are capable of altering the very fabric of reality. Land, sky, buildings, and animals are forcibly reconfigured into places and things that Loki only wishes he could imagine. While any person can wield any Shen Gong Wu, some characters have their favorites. Omi goes for a water orb, Kimiko has a fire star...

The Orb of Tornami and the Star Hanabi.

Whatever! In Jack Spicer's case, his favorite tends to be the Monkey Staff. It's a fancy cane that can give its holder monkey-like qualities like hands for feet, a tail, and... fleas. Jack has used the staff so many times that he can pretty much climb and swing through terrains with little to no effort.

When mystical objects of power aren't available, Jack resorts to his typical tools of his hobby: the machines. He always wears a pack that has retractable propellers if he needs to fly. He also commands an army of robots, most commonly the Jack-Bots that are equipped with various weaponry from buzz saws to spike-ball maces to mini-guns.

That's about the only thing good going for him. You see, while his brain has its good days, his physical strength is absolutely pathetic. He can't even break a safety dome made of glass... after he made it himself! He ends up crying a lot, making him the laughingstock of both heroes and villains alike.

And despite being an "Evil Boy Genius", his intellect tends to overlook some of the fatal flaws in his plans until it's too late. Nevertheless, if the Xiaolin Warriors are involved in an adventure, you can always count on Jack Spicer to try and get in the way... or help them if he's been affected by the Ying Yang World and a Reversing Mirror.

Augh! Wool sweaters?! Put him back! Put him back to evil right now!

"Jack-Bots, attack!"

---Death Battle---

Gilda
-"Half-lion, half-eagle, and all-awesome"
-Resides in Griffonstone until she can move out
-Had a reserved personality until she met Rainbow Dash at Flight School
-Can fly as quickly and even a little faster than Dash's average, comfortable pace
-Her lingo sounds like it's from a few decades ago
-Main method of attack: brute force
-Can screech like a falcon or roar like a lion
-Tends to be cocky and arrogant

Legends tell of a powerful creature known as a gryphon. It has the head of an eagle and the body of a lion, and it uses its divine power to jealously guard its treasures. Through many iterations and misspellings, their tales have been retold and revised innumerable times.

One of those was promptly put in a show advertising toy horses. This gryphon's name is Gilda, and she was essentially boiled down to your average high school jock.

But before she was a pursuer of speed and decades old slang, she was once an innocent cub at Junior Speedsters Flight Camp. At first her shyness level rivaled the pony with the reserved personality's namesake.

That was until she met the fast and prideful Rainbow Dash. After introductions and a bit of pep talk, Gilda strove for the future Starscream eater's need for speed and cherished her childhood memories into her years to come.

But, those memories took a backseat for the need to use brute force to get her way as she resorted to scare tactics, stealing, and pure volume to push aside the ponies in town.

Still, when you're raised in a rundown kingdom with a moneygrubbing grandfather named Gruff, how are you supposed to grow up?

In fact, all of Griffonstone's residents seem to suffer similar problems with greed. After a cyclops stole the Idol of Boreas, one of the most prized treasures representing the gryphons' pride, their king fell into despair, and the rest of the citizens put up a wall of distrust toward each other and outsiders.

It wasn't until Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie got called over by the Castle of Friendship's map that Gilda even considered talking to them again. Then, follow that up with baking powder for scones and a rescue operation from an insanely windy chasm. I cannot make this *ess* up.

In any case, Gilda has plenty of tools right on herself. Her talons are individually sharp enough to pop a balloon with a single touch and all of them together can somehow withstand the spinning of helicopter blades to stop them and even reverse their spinning. Keep in mind that the speed of a helicopter's main rotor blades can range anywhere from 460 rpm to 600 rpm, sometimes even breaking the speed of sound.

Being a winged creature in Equestria, Gilda can walk on clouds and fly. She can reach up to and fly slightly faster than R.D.'s average held back measurement of 16.5 wing-power, roughly placing her at the speed of sound. See, W? I can be science-ific too.

That's "scientific". *Ahem* Gilda is not only fast, but she is also fairly tough. Against gravity's pull, Gilda can climb a vertical cliff side while also simultaneously dragging along two ponies by a single rope while also fighting against unpredictable wind currents.

This power has the drawback of making Gilda feel a little too cocky in her own coolness factor. But hey, at least she made friends with another gryphon in her hometown. Just don't get on her bad side or she'll unleash a lion's roar right in your face.

"No singing? No cake? No bakery? What is this place?!"

"You're welcome to leave at any time!"

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

As the scene opens up, several pegasi adjust the clouds into some scattered positions. Muffins seems too distracted by making her cloud look just like her namesake. Pan down a little further and the audience gets a good look at a house composed of clouds, liquid rainbows, and magically solidified decorations. The front door opens.

"Now, you're sure you can find A. K. Yearling's house and deliver that package?" asks Rainbow Dash.

"I've got the route memorized," insists a slightly different, scratchy voice. "You go on to your Wonderbolts Practice and leave this in my capable paws."

"Alright!" Dash nods as she flies backward. "Thanks, G! I owe you one!"

"Heh heh. I'll keep that in mind, Dash!" The gryphon gives a slight wave before her friend turns into a seven-colored blur.

She opens her large, golden-brown wings and flies in a different direction. To show off the passage of time and distance, the ground below changes from hills, to apple trees, and finally to a rainforest jungle. Just to be sure, the gryphon pulls out her map one more time. She holds her talon barely above the parchment to allow her to trace her direction without tearing it. However, her caution becomes for naught as a sudden wind rips the map from her talons and it tumbles into the forest's canopy.

"Oh for...!" She grunts at her rotten luck.

"Hey, birdbrain. What's in the bag?"

The sudden boy's voice catches the gryphon's confused attention. What we see on the other side of the screen is a lanky teenager in a trench coat and what looks like propellers sticking out of his back. He smiles like a nuisance while staring with his beady, little red eyes.

"What's it to you, nerd?" She crosses her front limbs, unimpressed.

"Whoa, let's not get feisty," he insists. "I just want your little package for my own evil plans. Fork it over and I won't have to tell my killer robots to pluck your feathers."

"Get lost, dweeb!" She growls.

"Oh, well. I tried being nice." He shrugs and shakes his head, even though he's smiling at this opportunity.

"FIGHT!"

Jack Spicer snaps his fingers. From the left and right side of the screen's sky, several robots fly into view. Each has a head that kind of looks like Zurg from Toy Story 2. They appear to be made of a golden-brass alloy and fly around with turbo boosters. Some of them pull out maces while the rest pop open slots with chainsaw blades.

Jack points in front of himself. "Jack-Bots, attack!"

Gilda scowls and flies in the other direction. The Jack-Bots quickly pursue the gryphon like a swarm of hornets. Bullets start flying all over the place, but make no hits on the enemy. With a suddenly larger flap of her wings, Gilda rushes straight up. She loops over and around, holding her talons out proudly. Whatever metal the bots are made of, she tears through the first one's head with ease.

Screeching like a hawk, the gryphon tosses the severed robot head at another incoming Jack-Bot. This bot gets a new hole in its chest and flies zigzag into another bot. This causes a chain reaction of explosions from Jack-Bot to Jack-Bot until a bunch of robot parts fall to the ground in various states of disrepair.

Meanwhile, the boy genius is standing on top of a tree, observing the damage. He almost looks like he's about to cry now that his toys are all broken. He shakes his head furiously, replacing his sadness with an evil smirk of denial. He pulls a funky looking stick out of his inventory. As he holds it up, the staff begins to glow.

After clapping the dust off her talons, Gilda crosses her front limbs for a moment of rest. However the moment is cut short as a howling monkey in a trench coat leaps onto her face. The monkey quickly goes to work trying to slap the gryphon every which way. With the extra weight, her flight path goes all crooked. It leads her straight into a bunch of hanging vines, getting her caught up.

On the other hand, the monkey hops around the canopy before hanging onto a tree branch with his tail. "How's it hanging, you big turkey? Ah ha ha ha ha!"

Gilda shakes violently with anger boiling in her veins. She stretches all of her limbs wide and the lion within roars at the top of her lungs. Her talons make quick work of the vines and free her. She flies forth at breakneck speed.

Jack screeches in shock before hopping over and under several branches to gain some distance. However, the gryphon is well within reaching distance after just a second. She growls, swiping her talons at each and every branch that Monkey-Jack crawls around. He seems to huddle the staff as far away from her as possible, despite several instances where he could have smacked her over the head.

Gilda notices this. "Hmm, I wonder..." She flies backward and then goes around the trees another way.

After hopping and climbing through three more trees, Jack takes a look behind him. There's no gryphon in sight. The monkey holds his staff to the side as he rests his head against the large branch. A talon reaches from the other side of the branch and yanks the Monkey Staff away. He hollers in realization, but it's too late by now.

Gilda proceeds to bend the decorative stick until it snaps in two. She tosses the pieces to either side behind her. She chuckles and watches as Jack deforms back into his human proportions. He shivers and sweats in place. The propeller in his backpack promptly pop up and spin.

Jack tries to make a quick exit, but Gilda swiftly closes the distance between them. She fiercely grabs either propeller in one of her talons. They abruptly stop.

"What?!" Spicer yelps and turns his head. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

A smirk crosses the gryphon's beak. "If you insist."

She sharply shoves the propeller's in another direction. But instead of defying gravity, the spinning causes air to be displaced in a way that makes Jack fall faster. The boy gives out a yell that would make Goofy jealous as he spins around and around before colliding into a broken mess on the ground.

Gilda sighs as she perches on a tree branch. "All of that for a stupid package?" She looks over her bag and notices a huge rip. "Aw, feathers! One of those dumb hunks of metal tore my bag."

She feels around the tattered bag and pulls out... what looks like an ancient variation of the telescope. It opens up a little wider like a camera's focusing lens. Shrugging, the gryphon holds up the supposed telescope and looks through it. She swings it to one side and then to the other.

"Sure wish I could find the address I was supposed to take this thing." She leans it down toward her left. "Hold on, is that...?"

Gilda holds the scope in one talon and flies over. She knocks on a door that looks like it's barely holding on by its hinges. It opens up and a pony wearing red glasses and a purple cloak steps into view.

"I'm busy. Make it quick," insists the pony.

"Yeah, so Dash sent me with this thing to give you..."

Suddenly, Gilda finds herself being pushed by the rear into the house before the door slams shut.

"I thought I specifically asked her to keep the package under wraps!" exclaims Yearling. "Why did you open it up?"

Gilda chuckles sheepishly. "It's a long story."

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Mm-mm. Spiced Jack-n-mash. Just the way Momma B used to make it.

That explains so much and yet so little. Anyway, Jack Spicer is pretty well-rounded when it comes to technological construction. However, that doesn't always translate into practical use. Most of his Jack-Bots are pretty fragile when it comes to an actual battle setting.

And Gilda's not afraid to throw a punch. Heck, she even punched a baby dragon in front of his owner*. Who does that?

With numbers of allies quickly diminishing, that would just leave Jack by himself. While he has the gadget necessary to give him flight and mobility, it doesn't come close to the speed that Gilda is capable of reaching.

Plus, Spicer's kind of a wimp. He talks a big game but he falls over after just a tiny bit of punishment or even the threat of punishment for that matter.

True, and while the Monkey Staff could remove some of his inhibition for a time, a monkey's strength doesn't quite compare to the combined might of an eagle and a lion. Lastly, Gilda's own durable talons could make quick work of a bizarre helicopter contraption made by Pinkie Pie...

... the very pony whose actions cannot be explained by logic and reasoning. So of course she could outmaneuver the basic propellers on Jack's basic design.

Jack may hold the intelligence advantage in specific areas, but none of those areas were enough to overcome Gilda's strength and speed advantages.

Spicer spun right 'round, down to the ground, in this Xiaolin Showdown.

The winner is Gilda.

"Uh, I'm a gryphon. What's your excuse, dweebs?"

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

*"Griffon the Brush-Off" (Season 1 Episode 5)

Someone wanted Jack Spicer in the last time I included Xiaolin Showdown characters. You know what? So did I.

Non-Battle Chapter: Meanwhile, in the Potential Combatants' Hangout Room...

A/N: Properties belong to their respective owners.

Echoing voices of small talk and chatter fill the room. The occupants consist of ponies, dragons, humans, and all kinds of creatures. A Petey Piranha plant tries to show off to an Equestrian attack plant how many Cheep-Cheeps he can shove into his giant mouth at once. A green man with a question mark on his face does sign language while Mary Sue the alicorn giggles at his apparent joke.

The smuggled iPhone camera hovers around the place until the visual captures a couple of dragons standing near the punch bowl. One of them is dark purple and is standing on three limbs while her fourth holds up her cup. The other is a couple shades of blue and stands as a biped. Both of the dragons have wings.

"It sounds like you really care about him," says the blue dragon.

"Yeah," agrees the other one, "but our trilogy kind of ended abruptly before I could really confess. But hey, it gets the fans talking and keeps us alive in their memory."

"Personally, I'm kind of over my fifteen minutes of fame thing." She waves her free claw dismissively. "For a while, I thought those stories being written about me would never stop. It was getting kind of creepy."

The purple dragon chuckles. "Tell me about it. You would not believe how many comics there were about this weird love triangle where I was somehow stealing another dragon's boyfriend or something. The funny thing is, that other dragon girl and I, we've managed to hang out a lot and have some fun. She's a lot nicer face-to-face than what the old games would have fans believe."

"Now you've got me interested." The blue dragon leans in closer. "What's her name?"

This little chat fades into the fracas of warbling as the camera moves along. The Joker laughs maniacally as he saws Discord in half, though the latter seems to find it just as hilarious. Whoever is holding the camera runs away quickly, almost colliding with Harry the Bear. Fluttershy and Mozu the villager ask if the person is okay. The camera shakes up and down before moving along.

~You are the ocean's gray waves

Destined to seek life beyond the shore just out of reach...~

The visual shifts over to a small stage. Standing upon it are a woman with long blue hair, dressed in white and a bluish-pony with a black mane, dressed in black. They exchange a few lines of their song as the camera seems to flow toward the next area. Poof and Flurry Heart fly by, giggling. Less than a second passes before Cosmo, Wanda, Shining Armor, and Cadance chase after their babies. A girl with cute, long bunny ears takes a picture of a Nightmare pony posing with her épée.

Finally, the camera wanders over to a table where two emotionally chilled individuals are seated. A gray pony with a purple mane and simple gray dress is on one seat. On the other is what looks like a citizen of the Half-Life series. The pony plays with a small boulder while the man sips from his cup of coffee. Meanwhile, a couple voices from high above are having a debate.

"But if you truly cared about the story your character is in, you would make her suffer."

"There's a difference between making the protagonist suffer and outright killing them every chance you get. If you make them die in all of your endings but the one in which he really has no free will, you've provided no story of truly overcoming anything at all."

"You're one to talk. You just break your character's heart in the end."

"You shut your voice!"

"No, you shut yours!"

The phone carrier takes this as a good sign to leave. They pass a few tables along their way. Celestia enjoys a sweet piece of butterscotch and cinnamon pie while Toriel smiles to the side. Alex Side and AnY Pony slap their knees while laughing at some joke that this passerby misses. Spider-Man swings by on his web rope while carrying a cheering Pinkie Pie at his side.

The exit door is within sight. A small filly with glasses, and has wings that are buzzing like a hummingbird, zips around while showing off her puppy. Additionally, a small ball of light that might be a fairy flies all over the place insisting that the guy with the camera looks, listens, and watches out for the wall that they're about to run into.

The phone falls to the floor and it looks like the entire room rolls around before the visual goes blank.

...

When the picture clears up again, it appears to be a blue pegasus face. "Looks like you dropped something."

"Sorry, loser! I'll be taking that." A man's voice says as a bluish-white blur snatches the phone and runs really fast with it.

"Hey, get back here!" The pegasus gives chase.

Author's Note

The following franchises were represented at least once:
MLP:FiM
Equestria Girls
Super Mario Bros.
Spyro the Dragon
DC Comics
Fire Emblem
Fairly Odd Parents
RWBY
The Stanley Parable
Undertale
Alex Side Reacts
AnY Entertainment
Marvel Comics
The Legend of Zelda
...and various fanfictions that will be linked to when the relevant battle chapters are written.

Side Battle: The Guiding Forces of the Story

Normally, I'd advise setting the "Formatting" to "Dark", but I'm wondering if the purple text would look better against a lighter setting. You'll have to test for yourself which way is better.

A/N: I guess this is technically a two-on-two battle. Please watch out for cringe and morbid jokes... oh, and spoiler alert! Though, it's kind of old by now. I'm not sure what I can say that the internet hasn't already.
P.S. I've decided to go ahead and go through with this somewhat satirical chapter and work on the more "serious" chapter for next time. In the words of Sokka from the Southern Water Tribe, "The new plan... is the old plan."

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Davey Wreden, and Flint Sparks.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Side Battle

If you think you're going to hear voices of reason, you're going to have a bad time.

Ever since man started communicating their first words, storytelling has become a staple in entertainment and sharing information.

While some storytellers stick to the boring tropes like "It was a dark and stormy night", others go an extra mile to actually communicate with their characters while they're in the middle of their story.

Today we're pitting the narrator of the aptly named "Maud Pie Falls in Love With the Narrator"...

... against the sadistic narrator of the mind-blowing visual novel "The Stanley Parable HD".

Seeing as how neither of these combatants has a physical body to work with, we will be letting them use their respective protagonists to carry out their spoken actions.

She's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Maud's Narrator
-A voice that observes and transcribes the events as they occur
-Spirit animal: a rock picked out by Maud Pie
-Shares feelings with Maud
-Doesn't quite know what to do with interruptions
-Provides compliments in full
-Sometimes goes on a tangent in the middle of narration
-Is forced to leave Maud by circumstance

This narrator described the beginning of his partaken story as a dark and stormy night.

*Sigh* Here we go again.

However, due to his description of things going on, a filly Maud Pie was able to overcome her fear of a nonexistent monster in the closet.

He seems to like skipping through time a lot with his word phrase transitions. Though, when you think about it, don't we kind of do the same thing in this compilation of battles?

Oh, dear. Let's go back to describing the story before I get a migraine. *Shivers.* Apparently hearing this narrator through many situations, both good and bad, gave Maud comfort. She developed feelings toward this 'invisible pony'... feelings of eros.

Arrows? You mean like Cupid's?

*Sigh* Close enough. Though, the relationship had a few arguments and was a bit unnerving to the pony whose life was being described, Maud and her narrator kept at it. In fact, she even procured a special rock just for him so that she could have a physical representation to touch and to kiss.

I've heard of a man being hard, but this is ridiculous.

While the relationship is cute, the narrator can be easily distracted. One thought leads to another, and soon he's describing in detail hypothetical and philosophical inquiries that completely miss the point of whatever is happening in his story.

Plus, shouting to a voice only she could hear didn't earn Maud any pleasant looks. Pfft. Like she even cares what other ponies think.

Additionally, this narrator's role has a definitive end. Apparently, he was only meant to exist for the duration of one day.

April Freaking Fools. Gosh dang it!

"Maud, I have to go."

---Death Battle---

Stanley's Narrator
-A surround-sound voice
-Works with a silent protagonist
-Tells the tale of freedom, only if Stanley follows the story to the letter (i.e. giving up his free will)
-Improvises on the fly
-Has a plethora of ways to narrate Stanley's death
-Doesn't know what to do with the "Confusion Ending"
-Is just as susceptible to memory rewrite as any other video game character

Meanwhile in an expansion of a Half-Life mod, this narrator tells the story of Employee #427: Stanley, a man whose only true passion in life is to push buttons for a living.

But one day, orders stop coming in. The narrator opens the office door and allows Stanley to roam free... to a certain extent. Most of the other office doors are locked, allowing Stanley to only traverse on a seemingly linear course.

However, if walking into a nature walk isn't your idea of a happy ending, there are dozens of different ways Stanley can take. But the narrator's a bit smarter than that. He seems to have an answer to just about every deviation Stanley can possibly take from the path.

While some of these alternate routes lead to Stanley dying like many choose-your-own-adventure stories do, the narrator also has a few ways to describe a very meta existence. For example, if Stanley crouches to get on top of two desks that lead him out of the window, it turns out the narrator already has a couple of trails of dialogue ready to describe his character's predicament.

Still, that doesn't quite prepare the narrator for everything. If Stanley times his entrance and exit out of his "boss's office", he can traverse all the way back and find an escape elevator without any snarky remarks at his expense. There's also a point where the narrator gets replaced by a female narrator should Stanley take the shortcut to the left of the Mind Control Facility and find out that neither Stanley nor the narrator have any freedom. All possible paths were pre-written and prepared in advance.

And should Stanley find his way to the "Confusion Ending", the narrator is forced to forget everything and start the game again. While he may not particularly love Stanley enough to avoid killing him at any cost, the narrator is pretty good at describing most of the events and improvising when things don't go exactly his way.

And he can make a sweet house in Minecraft. ... What?

Was that sarcasm?

Me, sarcastic? Never!

"This was not the correct way to the meeting room, and Stanley knew that perfectly well."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

This is an epilogue story of a man named Stanley. Stanley was no longer Employee No. 427 at an office building under mind control. No, Stanley was a free man enjoying the fresh air, the bright sunlight, and the lush greenery all around him.

Excuse me! This is my segment of the story's description. Wait your turn!

Wait, what? Who said that? Stanley, was that you?

The man in a blue civilian's uniform shakes his head.

How very curious. I could've sworn I just heard a voice other than-

Having thought things over, the author decided to allow me to narrate a new story about the great, beautiful mare that was, is, and always will be Maud Pie. For you see, she is the smartest, most beautiful, loving pony a disembodied voice could ask for.

"Oh, stop it you." Maud blushed despite the fact that she loves it when I compliment her in every wonderful aspect. "Seriously."

Um, guys? Hello? Anyone remember that I'm supposed to narrate the Death Battle from before, to during, and possibly a little bit that happens after it's done?

And now I'm hearing even more voices. What is happening to my epilogue story?

"Huh? Who said that?" Maud cradled her smooth rock representation of me for comfort. It was with good reason too. I'm starting to get a little scared of all the extra chatter myself.

Stanley starts running forward as quickly as the feet that he can't see can take him.

Hey! That's my Stanley that you're making move forward! Give him back!

Although her face doesn't show her fear as much as it did in her adorable filly years, her shaking eyes are a good indicator that she's scared. To try and keep her head steady, she trotted forward along the cobblestone path in order to drown out all other voices but my own. Stay strong, my love. I'm here for you.

Guys!

Stanley quickly put the breaks on his feet, because he had absolutely no idea to where he was running.

Despite his narrator's insistence, the man keeps on running.

Stanley, please. Stop running! I'm genuinely looking out for your health right now.

"The voices are everywhere!" Maud, please just focus on me. Er, well, not on the physical me obviously. I'm not actually there. I'm just a narrator. But you said yourself that you have a small piece that you can hold dear to be me in your story. So, please, just keep walking calmly, and hold my rock close. You're going to be alright. Cheese and crackers, I can barely hold my own anxiety in check right now. Though, come to think of it, why would I ever write a check made out to my anxiety in the first place?

If I could just have the floor back for a minute-

Stanley, don't trip on that crack in the road!

The man comes sliding to a stop just before his invisible feet stop somewhere just behind a large, black crack in the road. Here the road seems to be divided between a sidewalk in the human world and one of Equestrian soil.

Oh, thank gosh. You really had me worried that you were about to smack your face against the floor again in an attempt to rashly disobey me.

Would you guys just-

A/N: Shut up!~

...

"..."

...

...

A/N: Thank you. Now, DB narrator, you may do your job.

Uh, right. *Ahem* By this time, both of the stories' protagonists see each other. The pony stuffs her rock back into her pocket for safekeeping. The man carefully steps over the crack in the floor to avoid tripping. Thankfully, both of the narrators are stunned long enough for me to finish this paragraph and make this thing happen. *Whew!* En garde!

"FIGHT!"

Stanley walked forward and leaned down to get a better look. But upon doing so, he was rudely kicked in the face.

Stanley performs the actions described in that first sentence that his narrator says. However...

Despite what the rude, tangerine-sounding voice said, Maud would never harm a fly. I mean, I guess if that fly had somehow brought harm to her family, she might hurt it. But the odds of that happening are slim to none.

"Hello, how are you?" Maud asked the man. Yet he gave no response.

He hasn't talked to me for as long as I've known him. Why would he ever utter a whisper to you inferior beings?

Infe- Don't go Tales of Symphonia on us!

"I'm fine. How are you?"

... what.

"Very well, thank you." Maud nodded along with her response.

Stanley... how long have you been able to talk?

"I don't know. I thought I'd try it this time right now and for some reason, it worked."

But then... why did you never say "nightshark117" during that voice-password pathway?

"I did! You just refused to listen! I even tried typing in 'voice command' but you still wouldn't hear it."

Well, you should have told me that I wasn't listening.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"So, uh... I've never quite seen a creature like you before." Maud?

"Yeah, I think you're the first living person other than invisible voices that I've met in... forever and a half."

Maud looked at Stanley with... longing... eyes. What are you doing?

And Stanley's vision is filling with rosy red and pink. The heck?

"Could I... snuggle with you?"

"I think you can do more than that."

Stanley, I don't like that hungry look on your face.

Maud, I thought you were my girlfriend.

"Come here, you."

"Come and get it, tiger."

The camera pans up. A loud smooching sound effect is played.

Oh, gosh! Furries! No! Bad touch!

Maud... *sniff* I thought what we had was special! Nooooooooooo!

"*M.O.!"

*Huff huff* This is your fault! Your character took my love away!

How dare you? You bring your pony fetishes into my story and accuse me of ruining things. I think you are the one who owes the apology around here and I deserve it.

Oh, I'll give you something you deserve alright! *Whack*

D...Did you just slap me without any physical limbs to slap me with in the first place?

Yeah, and there's more where that came from! *Whack*

Oh you are so dead, plebe! *Bop*

While the disembodied voices have a melee without any visible scene to show, the camera zooms out of the totally unexpected scene where a human and a pony are enjoying each other's company.

---Death Battle---

What in the hay am I looking at?

I think we accidentally a crackship fic.

But that's impossible! Even the friendship endings never ended with combatants falling in love with each other.

Heh heh heh. Silly N. Since when were we ever the ones in control?

Um, F? Why did you set your eyes on fire?

No reason. ... Augh! My eye sockets are burning! Oh my gawd! This was a terrible idea!

F runs around several feet away from the hosts' desk.

O...kay then. Well, I suppose this match up didn't really have a chance of getting far. Neither narrator's protagonist was allowed to do any actual fighting during their respective stories. Stanley might have had the disadvantage of dying more times than Maud. But Maud would be lacking in life experience considering Stanley gets more chances at living than she does.

F slams his face into a fire extinguisher, somehow spilling shaving cream all over himself in the process.

Meanwhile, both of the narrators are disembodied voices that follow pre-written scripts. So, they couldn't exactly make each other bleed or die. While they can very well cause each other mental trauma via words, neither one has a decisive finisher unless the script is purposefully written in their favor.

Okay... I'm back... whew.

Are you sure you're going to be alright?

Yeah, I'll be fine. My fiery pain isn't nearly as bad as that love rectangle we just witnessed.

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Okay, this part will require the "Dark" setting for one line.
Next time on Death Battle...

An orange tail flicks. "You thought you burned me to a crisp, you big... small lizard? Well, think again!"

A red scarf briefly flaps in the wind. "I think it's time you talked to my gun."

A question mark pops overhead. "Spike? Who's the guy? And how does the weasel know you?"

A vein pulses. "Weasel?! You are so getting pressed into glue, you horse toy!"

*Shing!* "Over my dead scales!"

The gun clicks. "Don't give me any ideas, small fry."

*A huge explosion ruptures the headphone users' ears.*

"Spike? Spike! Spike!"

Author's Note

*Well, if K.O. stands for "knockout", what do you think M.O. stands for in this context?
...
Oh, and do you guys prefer previews or surprises? I get the impression that audiences are mixed on this debate.

Dragon v. Daxter; Magic v. Jak

Advisory: Please make sure your "Formatting" is set to "Dark" before continuing to read. Thank you.

A/N: The sidekicks already duked it out. Now let's see what they can all do together.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sony Entertainment.

This episode was not brought to you today by Doritos and Mountain Dew: The snacks of gaming kings around the world!

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Anyone up for double-dash carting after this?

When a task is too unnerving for yourself, it is better to share the burden and work together with someone else.

This time, we're plugging into all four controller ports for the all-stars rumble.

Teamwork is often stronger than the sum of its individual parts, such as Twilight Sparkle and Spike from Equestria.

And Jak and Daxter with their power of Eco.

We've seen Spike win against Daxter on his own, but will Twilight be enough help for him to take on both Jak and Daxter at once?

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Jak & Daxter
-Human and ottsel
-Have been shoved through time
-Utilize Eco for strength (red), speed (blue), shield and healing (green), energy projectiles (yellow), invulnerability and power (dark), and time-stopping and lasers (light)
-Morph gun has multiple types of ammunition: shotgun, mini-gun, a mini-nuke, anti-gravity field, grenade launcher
-Eco has a very limited time usage even at full capacity
-The gun uses up Eco in addition to Jak's own Eco ability use, depleting his reserves even faster
-Daxter can get himself into trouble just as much as he can weasel his way out of it
-Jak lacks concentration when angry

Before life began in the world, there was Eco, separated into six different types. This Eco was left behind by the Pre-cursors before they disappeared.

Prince Mar was born as the son of King Dumb***.

Damas.

Whatever. Then a bandit king kicked Daddy Dearest into the desert wastes and separated him from his son.

After being shoved into the past... somehow... Jak was raised by a sage named Samos. In this land, he would meet his eventually best friend Daxter. Like any mischievous teenager duo probably would, they stole a boat to explore the forbidden misty islands.

Then, Daxter fell into a pit of Dark Eco and turned into a weasel.

Actually, he's an ottsel. I... don't really know what that is, but roll with it. Anyway, in order to reverse the transformation, he'd need to find the sage of Dark Eco. To prepare them for the long journey, Samos trained them to utilize the other forms of Eco. Blue gives Jak super speed and Red does the same for his strength.

Green Eco lets Jak heal and throw down shields. Then he ended up getting super-blasted by Praxis's Dark Eco laser after a trip into a dystopian future. Heh heh... eh, I guess you had to be there.

After two years plus or minus a spin-off game, Daxter managed to find Jak and free him from the machine. The silent protagonist gained his voice and a new form from the experiment: Dark Jak.

By absorbing Dark Eco, Dark Jak can plow through anything with invulnerability, shoot projectiles, and grow to three times his normal size.

And if that form wasn't enough, Jak earned yet another final form after meeting the Pre-Cursors in person. It turned out that they were all ottsels like Daxter. They granted him the power to use Light Eco, allowing him to become... Light Jak.

Light Jak can fly, shoot lasers, put up force fields, and even slow time to a near stop. But whenever they aren't carrying enough Eco to basically become god, Daxter leaves the heavy-lifting to Jak and the Morph Gun.

The Morph Gun can use all kinds of Eco to act as a shotgun, grenade launcher, a mini-gun, and can even blast Dark Eco in a way that alters the laws of gravity on enemies.

Or it can even blow up just about everything with a mini-nuke.

The amount of Eco that Jak can carry is relatively short, roughly less than a minute for each Eco type. Still, Jak and Daxter have accomplished several feats throughout their lives.

They can spin fast enough to cut through metal doors like they were paper, and they managed to put an end to Praxis. Oh, and one time they won a racing tournament while they were poisoned the entire time.

The biggest mistake would be underestimating this duo.

"Yeah! Nice work, Jak! You haven't forgotten what I taught you!"

---Death Battle---

Twilight Sparkle and Spike
-Alicorn and baby dragon
-Bonded by magic and servitude
-Twilight has versatile magic: levitation, illumination, beams, altering gravity (The Crystal Empire), semi-intangibility (Inspiration Manifestation), shields, stopping all movement (Castle Mane-ia and The Hoofields and The McColts), teleportation

-Enchantments: Object animation (Winter Wrap-Up), forced infatuation (Lesson Zero)

-Dark magic (The Crystal Empire)/Alicorn magic(Uncertain, but it had the same color as dark magic)

-Crystal immobility (The Cutie Re-Mark)
-Spike: Can incinerate any paper type in an instant with his fire breath; can even reach temperatures hot enough to melt an entire glacier cloud (The Equestrian Games)
-Both have survived impacts and conditions that no ordinary creatures reasonably should
-Twilight can fly, but her magic has a limit depending on how energized or fatigued she feels
-Spike can cause problems just as frequently as he solves them
-Twilight loses focus when upset, but gains more focus when furious (Twilight's Kingdom). Is this a paradox?

There are times when the powers that be will lead two lives into contact with each other. This is all too true in the bond between Twilight Sparkle and her baby dragon Spike. But before they became the equivalent of princess and butler, Twilight was once a filly all on her own.

You know... aside from a conveniently placed older brother that also doubled as her best friend. Did we happen to mention the babysitter that also doubled as Equestria's third alicorn princess? How about those unicorns from the same school that invited her to a party with a pony just as nerdy as the main nerd?

Poor planning and/or writing aside, Twilight's first established bond as far as was understood by the audience was with the dragon she hatched from his egg... albeit with the help of a Sonic Rainboom's explosion.

After some crazy crap happened, Twilight was accepted directly under Celestia's teaching... probably to keep a close eye on the pony that was an otherwise, uncontrollable magic bomb.

Spike was assigned to Twilight as her assistant: helping find books, cleaning up after her, and cooking.

Heck, yeah! Dragon fire-grill!

Well, there was probably some of that too. After all, Spike's fire breath can extend to a long line of campfire logs with just one exhale. But he also picked up stove and oven prowess.

Still, being called an infant doesn't really help anyone take you seriously, and he often got left behind while Twilight had to go deal with creatures of shadows, chaos, dragon smoke, and eventually a cult leader with communist tattoo powers.

Though, Spike has had his own fair share of adventures too. Some of which have proven that he can survive extremely cold and hot temperatures, live after belly-flopping in lava, hold his own against an evil king's crystals long enough for the Crystal Empire's new ruler to intercept, and even melt glacier-sized clouds.

He even helped a dragon princess graduate to dragon lord and convinced her to not become a threat to ponies in his homeland. He's got some big balls for a toddler.

Twilight has power to spare too. Over the years, she has picked up a number of spells from lifting and throwing objects with levitation, to phasing other ponies through glass, to teleporting between positions in about one second, to altering her gravitational flow... all the way to casting and dispelling dark magic.

She can even pick up new spells on the fly, as long as someone else casts it where she can see it.

And after finishing another magical pony's spell, she was granted the body and power of an alicorn. With the title of Princess, she gained pegasus flight and earth pony strength, which can apparently break through wooden doors without much effort.

Combine all of that with her dragon's intense durability (basically every episode in which he acts as the comic relief), lava resistance ("Dragon Quest"), and thick scales that seem to cancel out piercing pain (from "Green Isn't Your Color"), and you've pretty much got an unstoppable team.

Well... not quite. Both Twilight Sparkle and Spike have had their share of losing control of situations when they get upset. Spike has been the cause of just as many, if not more problems than he solves on his own. Twilight can quickly lose all sense of logic and reason when she gets stressed out or stays up too late trying to solve the tiniest detailed problems in her schedules. Plus, her magic has had unintended drawbacks when she gets upset.

But there's a twist to that magic frenzy. Get her angry enough, and she comes full-circle to the point of being so focused that she becomes a nigh-unstoppable, magic-flinging machine. Heck, during one of these lividly mellow sessions, she held her own against another overpowered magician at an extremely high altitude for multiple cycles of a time-travel loop.

Still, if you can give her time, patience, and enough book material to fill her free-time, you shouldn't have to worry about the Deus-Ex-Magica of Twilight Sparkle.

... and her little dragon too.

"That is why you are my number one assistant."

"Missed that. One more time?"

"I said-" *spring noise* "Heh heh. Come on, Spike."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

It's a partly cloudy day over town. It seems the pegasi have missed a week's worth of light sprinkling again. Several weather ponies gather the clouds more tightly together, prepping them to release the rain. Suddenly, an ancient-looking ship with flight sails crashes through, scattering some of the clouds along with the pegasi carrying them.

"Pull up! Pull up!" insists a voice from inside the transport.

"I can't! The shift is jammed!" exclaims a different, scratchy voice.

Both voices scream as the vehicle crashes against a couple rooftops, takes out a tree, and smashes straight against a giant crystalline structure. A blonde man with long pointy ears falls out, performing the superhero landing on one knee. A much smaller, orange creature lands face-first off to the side.

Meanwhile, inside the castle library, the young teacher is giving her first student free reign over the list of her next potential friendship lessons. That is the case, until the entire room shakes. A distant crashing noise warbles through the walls.

"What was that?!" Starlight looks over in surprise.

"I don't know." Her teacher shakes her head. "I'm going to go check it out. Come on, Spike!"

"Roger that." Spike hops atop the pony's back as she gallops down the hallway.

The ottsel picks himself up. Stars dance around his head before he shakes them loose. He adjusts his goggles to hold against his forehead instead of his eyes.

The blonde looks down sternly. "Remind me again why I thought it was a good idea for you to drive?"

"Hey, you've crashed at least one more time than I have." The ottsel crosses his arms.

"What's going on out here?"

Both of the ship's former occupants look over at the new voice. It appears to be a somewhat equine creature that is lavender in complexion. Atop her back sits a reptile of similar scale color to his ride. He looks up at the castle wall and gasps.

"Twilight, look! It's an airship, and it looks like they're trying to attack the castle!"

She gasps before looking back at the alleged terrorists. "Not if I can help it."

"Whoa, hold on." The man holds up his hands. "This isn't-"

"You think we're scared?" The ottsel scurries around the man's inventory and plops a two-handed gun into his arms. "We've dealt with tougher schmucks than you!"

"Aw, crud-whiskers..." mutters the man, bracing for the inevitable battle.

"FIGHT!"

Twilight's horn glows brightly with magic. She shoots a barrage of small blasts (complete with Tie-Fighter sound effects) at the enemy. Jak thinks fast and glows green. A shield in what looks like a plexiglass sphere surrounds him, dispersing all of the incoming magic blasts. Twilight snorts and gallops forward, carrying Spike along with her.

"I got her!" Daxter shouts.

The ottsel jumps off of Jak's shoulder and lands on Twilight's face. He then proceeds to 'twang' Twilight's horn like a ruler against the edge of a desk. She grunts in pain every time he flaps her horn.

"Stop it!" yells Spike as he scratches Daxter in the arm.

"Yow!" The ottsel falls back.

The dragon proceeds to breathe fire onto the enemy sidekick. A blaze surrounds Daxter, and he proceeds to run around in circles while screaming. Jak shakes his head and shoots some shotgun bullets at the enemy.

Twilight flies up and sets up her magic barrier for any stray, incoming attacks. Jak switches his Morph Gun to mini-gun form and sprays a long stream of bullets into the sky. The alicorn flies around, outpacing the gunner's aim as best as she can. She blasts down some more magic blasts in retaliation.

Jak glows blue, using his burst in speed to outrun the return fire. Meanwhile, Daxter finally rolls out his fired self and scampers up a nearby tree. While Jak and Twilight exchange shotgun rounds with magic missiles, the ottsel leaps off the highest branch with an ancient Karate cry.

Daxter's efforts manage to dislodge the dragon from his seat. The sidekicks bounce along the ground a few times while throwing punches and claw strikes against each other. Twilight flies lower to try and help Spike out. Jak's gun takes a different form as he shoots just under Twilight's next expected position.

"Whoa!"

The alicorn suddenly finds herself flying upside-down and wildly flailing her hooves. She grunts and focuses a magical aura around herself. The universe seems to rotate one hundred eighty degrees, allowing her to fly normally. She casts the spell on herself again once she's out of Jak's weird anti-gravity field.

Jak switches his Morph Gun's form and prepares to fire the next ammo type. At this time, Spike manages to tail swipe Daxter into the air. The ottsel lands right on Jak's weapon just as the trigger is pulled. Daxter screams as the small nuke flies into the air, out of the camera's sight.

Anger crosses the boy's face. He gets covered in purple energy. He proceeds to break the ground with a downward punch. Twilight and Spike are startled by this new form. Dark Jak grabs both pony and dragon in his larger fists and swings them around against two places on the ground. After struggling for one second more, Twilight disappears in a flash of magenta light and reappears a few feet away. Unfortunately, that leaves Dark Jak to swing Spike around alone.

After pulling a couple punches, Dark Jak tosses Spike down to his feet. The camera pans up to a star-object in the sky. The alleged star quickly takes on a more missile-and-ottsel form.

"Jak, incoming!" hollers Daxter.

At this point, Jak returns to normal long enough to start running for it. Twilight looks up and yelps. She casts a spell on herself, causing her to look almost see-through. The mini-nuke explodes against the ground, making sight impossible. Daxter ends up getting thrown above the explosion's cloud and he hollers in excitement before landing pretty close to Jak.

As the smoke fades, bits of debris still scatter around. Some pieces of rock literally go through Twilight's semi-intangible self and land harmlessly on the ground to her other side. She changes back to normal and looks at the destruction. She gallops over to what appears to be a charred corpse in the shape of a baby dragon.

"Spike?" Pools of water gather in her eyes. "Spike!" She shuts her eyes and cries to the sky. "Spike!"

Daxter scampers up his main man's shoulder and head. "Hmm... you mad?"

The tears almost evaporate from Twilight's face. "No... I'm not mad." Her eyes glow pure white as she whispers. "I'm absolutely livid." She slowly flies up as magic surrounds her.

"Shoot! Hang on, Daxter."

Jak punches his fists together. His body and clothes glow a bluish white as angel wings grow out of his back. He crosses his arms, raring to use an Eco power.

"Oh-ho, no. You are not getting away with another super form after what you've done!" Twilight's horn glows brightly and releases magic in an instantly expanding circumference. "Za-mother-bucking-Warudo!"

Jak's Light Eco attack spreads out almost at the same time as Twilight's spell. He and Daxter are caught in the magenta aura. They're stuck in midair, unable to move anything more than their mouths or eyes. The rest of the environment and Twilight are caught in a time-stopping bluish tint. Everything and everybody has pretty much stopped.

...

*Tick.* *Tick.* *Tick.*

Light Jak's power fades as his perceived minute ends. However, he's still stuck in Twilight's motion-freeze spell. But Twilight is no longer blue nor trapped in slowed time. She teleports right behind them and fires her longest beam of magic since this battle started. Jak and Daxter yell out as the magenta light wipes them out of sight.

Twilight lands on the ground on her hooves. She blinks and the white light fades to her usual eyes. With that, the tears return. She folds her wings and sobs.

*Cough.*

She looks up. A small smoke cloud floats off the currently black dragon.

"Spike!" Twilight gallops over to her assistant's side.

"Twi...light..." Spike coughs against the soot. "Did...Did they hurt you?"

She shakily smiles with tears still dripping. "No. I'm okay."

"Oh, thank Celestia." He closes his eyes and takes some deeper breaths.

It's at this time that the heavy rain shower begins as scheduled.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Twilight can be seen carrying Spike on her back while holding up a shield spell to act as a makeshift umbrella.

We might just have a fetish for vaporizing people on this show.

It may be true that Jak and Daxter have more weapon options and supernatural powers than Twilight and Spike. However, the still numerous abilities that Twilight and Spike have are more reliable than the time limits that hinder Eco users. Twilight had a spell that could protect her or counter each and every Eco ability that Jak had. She has her own gravity-altering spell that could counter Jak's gravity field variation to the morph gun, a shield that could be sustained for a much longer than a lump of seconds, and intangibility and teleportation to avoid taking damage from everything else.

Heck, not even Light Jak's time-stopping powers could save him from the effect of Twilight's own motion-stopping spell, which doesn't actually halt the victim's perception of time. That would end up draining Eco by just making Jak's time go by normally.

And the ridiculous things that Spike has put up with in the past prove that he'd have no trouble surviving the punishment dealt as severely by Dark Jak. Plus, he's a much more capable survivor than Daxter, with higher tolerance for heat and pain.

Besides, Twilight and Spike aren't some grunts that could be taken down in Eco-fueled shots, at least not when they're within the main focus of the story.

Finally, these Equestrians have a tendency to use a level of caution and common sense that Jak and Daxter's 'hit everything that moves' strategy wouldn't be very effective against. Brains and brawn together beat brawn alone this time.

In the end, they forgot to shoot when they saw the whites of her eyes.

The winners are Twilight Sparkle and Spike.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"World's fastest superhero? Bull crap! That's me!"

"No pony is going to call me 'Crash' ever again!"

Author's Note

Are fake-outs bad for storytelling? ... I can give you a solid "maybe" on that.

One Second to Spare

Advisory: Please set the "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: This chapter may contain spoilers for Season 6 of MLP:FiM.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Marvel Comics. Additional properties belong to Sega and AnimatedJames.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

If there's one type of hero that every superhero universe latches onto, it's the speedster.

They go really, really fast. No, really... like Quicksilver, the speedy Avenger.

And Rainbow Dash, the loyal Wonderbolt.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Rainbow Dash
-Pegasus pony
-Can apparently reach a max of Mach 5 that doubles to Mach 10 (Sonic Rainboom)
-Can create tornadoes, provoke lightning strikes and precipitation
-Headstrong and durable
-Picks up new information via multitasking during flight
-A fan of Daring Do
-Newest addition to the Wonderbolts
-Knows her best friends well enough to pull off impressions of each of them ("Newbie Dash")
-Takes failure pretty harshly
-Struggles at being a follower

Born and raised in Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash was a filly that strove for being as awesome and cool as she could possibly be. Befriending at least two shy children, she felt a sense of standing up for the little guys and flying faster than ever.

She flew so fast that she realized the legend of the Sonic Rainboom, which in turn paved the way for her cutie mark and marks of five other fillies that would eventually join her as the Elements of Harmony.

She can break the sound barrier several times over and even the visible light spectrum at her top speeds.

She isn't just fast in the air. She has also got some pretty strong hooves that she can outmatch an earth pony in hoof wrestling and even keep up with the average ground gallop.

The rest of her body is pretty durable as well, capable of smashing headfirst through trees and solid rock and still be able to stand up afterwards. Plus, Dash can learn best through multitasking during a leisurely flight, constantly scanning the ground and sky for changes and potential flying hazards.

Somehow, this gave her the ability to learn a number of historical facts without even knowing it. Heh heh. Sounds like my kind of learning!

You are not capable of multitasking.

Yuh-huh! Watch me do a flip and kick you in the face at the same time!

There's a couple thumps followed by the sound of something big hitting the floor.

Ow... right on my credit cards...

Anyway, Rainbow can pick up the small details and mannerisms of other ponies so well that she can pull off nearly identical mannerisms and mane-styles of each of her friends. I... don't think hair works like that.

Well, speaking of hair, she's gotten used to electricity as a weather pony and can withstand the shocking damage of lightning bolts and even tornadoes throwing her into the ground. Heck, she can create those herself if she wants to.

Still, Rainbow Dash has internal insecurities and is easily shaken to the nerves if she ever makes a mistake. This is especially true when she's trying too hard to impress one of her idols like the other Wonderbolts and Daring Do.

Even so, with the help and support of friends and a scooter-riding fangirl, Dash can get up and keep on going. She has embodied loyalty down to the second "L".

The second "L"?

I'll tell you when you've gotten a few more years of experience.

... I'm at least a year older than you.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Duh. Because I'm a Wonderbolt!"

---Death Battle---

Quicksilver
-Mutant man
-Can comfortably run 700 mph, and can outrun a radio wave (the speed of light)
-Can create vacuum tornadoes
-Fast healing, fast learning, fast thinking
-In one minute, can memorize and reproduce a piano song that would take years for a normal man to master
-Not really good, but not really bad either
-Fights dirty without hesitation
-His backstory is convoluted (Gypsies, Magneto, and cows... Oh my!)
-Impatient and imprecise

If you live in the same world as that of several different mutant heroes, you'll likely hear whispers about the speedy Avenger known as Quicksilver.

However, it's difficult to pinpoint precisely who he is. His backstory has so many twists and rebounds; it's a wonder how he has managed to maintain his own semblance of sanity. In fact, there are currently two production companies that technically both own the rights to his character.

No worries, W. I've got this. Pietro was born with his twin sister Wanda to a couple of gypsies. But then the twins were captured and experimented on, somehow giving Pietro super speed and Wanda psychic abilities. Then, they were returned to their family, only to later be convinced that they were the long-lost children of Magneto. They were allegedly raised by a cow lady who then handed them off to gypsies.

How in the world...?

We're just getting started. Magneto saved the twins at one point, giving them those cool costumes and Pietro his mutant name: Quicksilver. But then, Magneto got his **s handed to him. So, Quicksilver turned around and joined some of the good guys.

There are some benefits to such a hectic life. Flipping through alliances over the years has given Quicksilver combat training from both sides of the karmic spectrum. This means he is capable of implementing several fighting styles, both honorable and dirty.

He can think fast, heal fast, and of course run really fast.

He can comfortably run up to 700 miles per hour without tiring, and has been stated to even be able to outrun a radio wave. Radio waves are part of the electromagnetic spectrum and travel at the same speed as light. So, Quicksilver can actually run over 670 million miles per hour.

Even though he has quick reflexes and the ability to think faster than any earthly genius, he has a tendency to rush in and ends up getting punched in the face for it. I guess when it looks like everyone around you is a slowpoke, you tend to get impatient and cocky.

Hero or villain, the smart people think twice before crossing this blue-clad speedster.

*Hawkeye misses a couple shots, then gets knocked over by a blur.*

"You didn't see that coming?"

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

Much of the dirt in a grassy field is displaced. Other parts are on fire. An anthropomorphic hedgehog wakes up and walks over. The pegasus opens her eyes and accepts the helping hand to stand up. Though they are racing opponents, they are also good sports. They are also quite terrified at the current physical state of their spectating friends.

"Uh, is Tails' rib cage usually torn apart like that?"

"No. ... Are Twilight's eye sockets usually on fire?"

"No."

...

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Never speak of what again?"

"Exactly."

To escape the wrath of whatever qualifies as law enforcement in this mixed up universe, both rush away from the scene as quickly as possible. However, high-speed surveillance already has eyes on them from a helicopter. A signal beeps to someone else. Before the hedgehog has time to gasp, a slightly lighter shade of blue punches him out of the camera's shot.

"What the-?" The pegasus slows down and looks back.

What she sees is a towering man in a blue and white jumpsuit. His streaked silver hair wriggles slightly in the winds he made. He turns around and looks up at the second target. She furrows her brow at this newcomer. He punches his own fist into his other palm in anticipation.

"FIGHT!"

We get a zoomed-out shot of the field as a whitish-blue streak quickly approaches a multicolored zip line. Colors fly as impacts flash all around the place. At one of the impacts, the camera slows down just to keep up with the fast punches and kicks from both combatants. Quicksilver throws in a couple cheap shots against the pony's gut. Rainbow manages to somersault and kick him away.

Rainbow flies around and gathers some of the nearby clouds. She kicks against them one after the other to shoot lightning down to the ground. Quicksilver chuckles as he run along. The lightning bolts hit the trail where he is, yet they keep missing him, as they don't hit where he is going.

The mutant runs up a hill so fast that he enters the atmosphere just above cirrus cloud levels. He holds his fists together and quickly slams down. Rainbow yelps as he hits her. She bounces along the ground a few times and slides, uprooting some topsoil. Groaning, she stands up and shakes herself.

Giving her wings a good, hard flap, she soars straight up. Still falling, Quicksilver looks up, wondering what she's doing. She then leans straight down, gathering a white mach cone around her. As she descends faster and faster, the cone gains a more prismatic color. The image pauses right as Rainbow passes down next to the man.

*BOOM!*

The Sonic Rainboom pushes against Quicksilver, sending him far off screen. A split second before Rainbow looks like she's going to hit the ground, she takes a right angle turn, flying parallel to the ground instead. She laughs and hollers at her triumph.

"Something funny?"

Rainbow's eyes open wide as she looks beside her. A mixed-blue streak rushes around. When she finally follows the source, she sees Quicksilver ahead of her... running backwards!

"Okay, first: What? Second: ... the feather?!"

"You're faster than most horses. I'll give you that much." Quicksilver crosses his arms while still moving his legs. "But you're still too slow to keep up with me."

"Oh yeah? Well take this!"

Rainbow uses her momentum to spin around in several circles. The resulting air currents turn into her Rainblow Dry. She shoves the rainbow tornado at her opponent.

"Pfft. That's not a tornado." He runs wide around the attack and runs multiple circles around Rainbow. "This is a tornado!"

The nearly fully blue tornado grows to a large size, pulling blades of grass and dirt into the mix. Rainbow tries to yell, but is surprised to hear absolutely nothing. Quicksilver hops above, diving into a kick before hopping away from his storm. The pegasus slams into the ground, creating a small crater in the earth.

She holds her front hooves against her throat. She tries really hard to inhale something... anything. Her wings flap furiously, but she doesn't even get an inch off the ground. Her eyes slide up, unable to see beyond the lids. She silently collapses onto the ground. Without oxygen, something pops inside of her skull.

Eventually, the tornado's winds calm down. Quicksilver looks at his handiwork and chuckles. His job is done.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Well, whoever was writing that B x Dash fic, you should know that I don't like beating a dead horse.

Unfortunately for Dash, she couldn't quite keep up. While breaking the visible light spectrum is an amazing feat, her ultimate speed technique only brings her to about 7,606 miles per hour. That's far less than Quicksilver's maximum of over 670 million mph.

And even though Pietro can be just as rash as the pony, probably even more than her, he would still have a far easier time coming up with a strategy in less than a second than she can.

Rainbow may have a black belt in karate, but she rarely makes use of it in one-on-one combat.

Besides, one black belt doesn't really stack up to being trained by super-beings from both the good and the evil.

Finally, there is the respective power of their weather-related abilities. While Rainbow's skills have more versatility, Quicksilver's vacuum tornado puts everything to shame. Not only would Rainbow be unable to breathe, but her wings would have nothing they could push against to get her out of the airless eye of the tornado.

In the end, Dash was left breathless.

The winner is Quicksilver.

---Death Battle---

Sonic finds his wind and races onto the scene. "Dash? No!"

The anthro hedgehog's blue quills suddenly turn much darker. It reflects the hatred currently blinding him from anything else. He rushes so fast toward the battle's winner that he almost turns invisible. Before Quicksilver can say, "What?" Dark Sonic spins like a buzz saw through the man's spine and neck. The hedgehog follows up with a double uppercut, followed by one last powerful upward punch to the chin.

Quicksilver's head is dislodged from his already weakened vertebrae.

...

Sonic chuckles rather darkly, before it devolves into laughter to fight the pain. He regains his natural blue color as he presses his gloved fists against his face. He walks over, picks up Dash's limp body, and carries her out of the picture.

Author's Note

...
Would you excuse me for a moment? Thanks.
:raritycry:

Side Battle: Too Many Powers

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Work with what you know. I happen to know the fan-made character just a little too well.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, RoosterTeeth, and TundraStanza.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Side Battle

I'll get the flame shield.

What would you do if you had the power to copy certain powers that you had previously witnessed?

Why, I'd abuse the hell out of them, obviously!

These two combatants are about to do just that in this battle of the overpowered.

Velvet Scarlatina from the RWBY series...

... will face Shier the Nightmare from The Moon Shall Rise From Hell's Ashes.

She's N and I'm the guy, F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Velvet
-Velvet Scarlatina
-Team: CFVY
-A faunus with rabbit-like ears
-Likes taking photos... a lot of photos
-Weapon: A camera conduit that can create solid "light copies" of any weapon that it has photographed; limited number of hits
-Maximum capacity shown: All of the weapons from Team RWBY, Team CFVY, Team JNPR, Sun, and Penny
-Trained to be a Huntress at Beacon Academy
-Aura: 100
-Very agile and jumps high, but has limited endurance

Hang around at Beacon Academy for a few days and you'll probably meet the 18-year-old, rabbit-eared girl known as Velvet Scarlatina. She tends to be rather shy, whether by choice or as a coping mechanism for the constant bullying against her faunus phenotype.

Stupid anti-furries. They're always making a bigger problem than the guys they hate.

She has trained at Beacon to become a Huntress and is the third letter on Team CFVY.

Where the heck is "F" in "Velvet Scarlatina?"

N-No. She's the "V".

There's no "V" in "coffee". Come on, N! You're supposed to be the smart one!

Ugh! *She shakes her head.* When she's not trying to retrieve her ears from the bully, Velvet can usually be found taking pictures of other people.

She really likes Sun's abs, doesn't she?

Those aren't just for a photography elective class. Her pictures often capture the weapons in the images, storing them in the camera that doubles as her Huntress weapon. When given permission, she activates her weapon's secret power.

The secret power of turning into Ditto from Pokemon!

Er, not exactly. Her camera weapon can create solid "light copies" of the weapons in its stored pictures, which she can use to the same effect as their original wielders. The catch is that these weapons only last for a few hits before phasing out. So, like Coco says, Velvet has to 'make them count'.

At her best, Velvet has at least one picture of each of the weapons of her teammates, her friends from Team RWBY, Team JNPR, Sun's nunchaku-guns, and Penny's backpack. Keep in mind, that the android can manipulate swords around with nearly invisible coils that can spin in place to shoot mech-stopping lasers!

Which brings us to Velvet's Semblance. She can copy the original wielder's proficiency and technique for as long as she's holding the light copy of the right weapon. However, that ability fades when the respective weapon does.

Kind of like how Ditto has far fewer power points when using its opponents' moves.

Sure, we'll go with that. Even without copying other people's techniques, Velvet can jump several feet in the air and run around at supersonic speeds, essentially the speed of sound.

~Velvet, she can really move! Velvet, she's got an attitude...~

Yes, yes, the similarity with Sonic isn't lost on me, F. Thank you very little.

If she can copy other people's moves just by taking a snapshot of their weapons, wouldn't that make her the most powerful Huntress in the entire RWBY universe?

Well, not quite. Her Aura is just as amazing as the others since it can protect her against much of the initial damage dealt against her. However, a high endurance is not a cheat code for infinite health. In fact, she can be knocked out of a state where she's using one weapon, forcing her to take a few seconds to recover her breath.

And ultimately, Weiss had to step in and unlock her own hidden potential to take down the mech that gave Velvet a punch in the face.

Still, you've got to give props to the writers for biding their time so long before pulling out their Deus Ex Machina fighter.

I'll give them props when she can bring back Monty Oum from the dead.

Ouch.

"Most people don't know what it's like on the battlefield. I mean, even experienced fighters can get scared and start seeing things."

---Death Battle---

Shier the Nightmare
-Dilan Shier
-A human soul forced into the newly formed body of Nightmare Moon
-Serves relatively hidden under the guidance of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
-An ever-evolving Nightmare pony every time she absorbs a fragment of the Nightmare
-Holds limited powers from some of the Nightmare pieces she has absorbed: Lightning Punch, Shadow Sprint, Hatred Absorption, and Solar Shield
-Weapon: Pinnacle Epee (a mainly stabbing weapon for fencing); trained in swordplay by Luna and her closest Night Guards
-Adrenaline perk: One of the fragments takes over personality-wise and power-wise when Shier loses strength or is near-death
-Willing Nightmare parts: Nightmare Spectrum (the fragment from Rainbow Dash), The Pony of Shadows AKA Posh (the fragment from the castle of the two sisters), "Tail Demon" (Sombra), and Reflect Sun (the fragment from Celestia)
-Symbiosis: If Luna suffers injury, so does Shier

To any newcomer, Shier might seem like your common human protagonist trapped in a pony villain trope. But she didn't start there. Twenty-six year old Dilan Shier was once a medical assistant in a foreign world called 'Earth'.

And she was originally a guy. I don't think I'd ever have survived so long if turning into a pony had taken away my p-

But a night out in town with some friends ended abruptly when a speeding Ford rammed straight into the backseat of the car Dilan was riding in. Due to a lack of faith, he ended up in Limbo, the first circle of Hell.

But he wouldn't stay long. A mysterious burning lady slammed right into him, launching his soul right through dimensions onto the floor of the Castle of Two Sisters in the middle of a wild forest. Turns out, he became what N here would be if she were older, wore armor, and were completely evil.

I'm going to try really hard to ignore that you implied that I could be completely evil. Besides, Shier didn't have anyone else in her mind to influence her actions. She even met up with Steven Magnet and later Zecora. Through the zebra's book, Shier learned about the origin of Nightmare Moon, the creature whose body she now had.

Zecora led her to Ponyville on a shopping trip, and then basically ditched her after Luna and two bat ponies showed up. Seeing as Shier didn't have a lot of fighting experience, even when she was still human, it didn't take long for them to beat her to a bloody pulp.

That is until some deeper instinct of the Nightmare kicked in and used her tail to defend her. As it turns out, her mane and her tail can reach and expand for long lengths. Each is strong enough to carry several pounds, such as both of the bat ponies at the same time to defend against one of Luna's lightning spells... or that one time she held up all of her individual armor pieces at once.

After a quick blast from the Elements of Harmony, Shier fell unconscious, waking up in a medical wing in Canterlot Castle. There, she learned that she would be the "temporary" guest of both the resident princesses until further notice. Add to that some magical symbiosis nonsense, and eventually Sombra ended up joining Shier in her own tail.

While the union is a little... unorthodox... the inclusion of this new "Tail Demon" actually provided a new power for Shier. As more and more fragments of Nightmare were discovered across Equestria that possessed various ponies, Shier could now use her tail to neutralize the darkness of hatred and restore those ponies back to their normal selves. In addition, she could conjure medium-sized dark crystals, exactly like those of the Crystal King's dark magic.

Wait, if he's in her tail, does that mean he constantly has a good view of her... you know?

Utilizing Sombra's power to feed on hatred, Shier can also tap into a little bit of the power of each Nightmare fragment she absorbs. Her current Nightmare-fueled powers include a hoof-full of lightning when she jabs with her right, the ability to overshadow other ponies, Shadowride and Shadow Sprint, which let her hide within and dash between the shadows respectively, and a magical shield that repels other magic and projectile-based attacks.

After some training with Luna's Night Guard, and some card game nonsense with Discord, Shier knows how to duel with straight swords, and stab a hundred times in one second. Her sword of choice is the Pinnacle Epee, a card which can change into a fencing sword and back again whenever she wants.

It gets even crazier. Unbeknownst to others, Shier actually attempted to fight Tirek in order to provide a distraction while Twilight and her friends opened up the mystery box of Harmony. But even though the centaur drained her of her magic, he did not get all of it. Within her subconscious mind, every one of the Nightmare fragments' personalities lives on. Each can have a turn taking control of Nightmare Moon's body should Shier feel drained of energy or fall unconscious. Additionally, the personality in control has access to all of the powers that they had before Shier absorbed them.

The default personality that surfaces is the fragment from Rainbow Dash called Nightmare Spectrum. She can fly around at Mach speeds and create lightning strikes with any of her hooves.

The Pony of Shadows can twist her form using the shadows of her enemies, creating strangling limbs and twist with enough force to crack a normal pony's neck.

Even Sombra can jump in and properly raise his dark crystal pillars to match the height of skyscrapers.

But the strongest of Shier's willing fragment personalities is the one taken from a brief connection with Celestia. Reflect Sun has enough magical power to scorch her enemies, throw objects with telekinesis, teleport, create multiple shields to defend herself and her allies, and even obliterate everything around her with a self-destructive Supernova. But this is a last-resort move, leaving nothing behind but a helmet that can temporarily loan a small power boost to whatever pony puts it on.

Dang, with all that power between herself and her multiple personalities, she sounds invincible.

Well, not quite. Remember, there are forces that can overpower Celestia. So, it's probably safe to assume that interdimensional magic and a nasty surprise like the Smooze could also overpower Shier. Additionally, Shier has an unbreakable symbiotic relationship with Luna. If Luna experiences pain, Shier feels the same kind of strain on her body. Oddly enough, this also applies to whatever they taste and their sobriety.

Wait... are you saying that if both of them drink booze, they'll get twice as drunk in half the time?

Pretty much, yes.

That sounds awesome! I should get me one of those symbiotic pony twins. We'll be a blast at parties!

*She sighs.* One of you is enough, F.

"I've started having doubts regarding how good and bad really work as far as the afterlife is concerned. I'd speculate that there's something even bigger out there. Beyond that, I guess it will demand some time for me to look into further."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

On a cliffside, Velvet Scarlatina walks up casually. She bends her knees in preparation. The wind blows, creating a bit of reverberation against her ears. In the next instant, the white launch pad under her feet swings to a 90-degree angle. The Huntress goes flying through the air.

Presumably several yards later, she grabs hold of a tree branch with both hands. She swings under and over with the flexibility of a gymnast. After one loop, she lets go and steps both feet against a lower branch ahead of her. She hops to the next tree. Eventually, her maneuvers finish with a perfect landing technique on the forest floor.

As the Huntress walks along, she suddenly stops in surprise. She sees what looks like a black horse wearing midnight blue armor plating and metal tips atop feathered wings. The pony's ear twitches, convincing the mare to turn around. The dark pony's red, gas-like tail curls around in anticipation. She stares ahead with both her orange eye and her turquoise eye. Each of the irises are slit like a dragon.

Velvet wonders if this is a new kind of Grimm. The pony opens her wings, sensing hostility in the air.

"FIGHT!"

A light shines from Velvet's pocket to either of her wrists. She jabs the air a few times, creating the sound of shotgun blasts. Shier gasps while jumping to the side. A tree behind her gets the full impact of the white shots, shattering the tree into logs and splinters. The Nightmare pony takes flight toward the canopy.

The light weapons change shape around the Huntress's hands. They now look like a couple of pistols with sharp guard attachments. Velvet hops up and uses her feet to push off one tree after another to pursue her target. The sound from the 'pistols' is more like that of a couple battle rifles as she fires.

Shier turns and weaves around various branches. The bullets mostly hit wood, though a couple nick her back armor plating. Grunting, she pulls a U-turn around one of the larger trees. She tries a right jab of her own against the quickly approaching opponent. The light pistols vanish and a staff weapon quickly takes its place to block the incoming punch.

Sparks travel along the staff's length, causing Velvet to twitch all over under her skin. She splits her light staff into a couple of segments, connected by a translucent chain. She twirls it around to whack the enemy a few times from either side. Shier groans and holds either hoof against her muzzle.

Velvet does a flip before landing on the ground. She runs ahead at a blurry speed. Meanwhile, Shier shakes her head from the pain and flies after. As the Huntress runs, the light from her pocket projects a giant scythe. Velvet grabs hold of it and swings it against some of the trees she passes by.

The Nightmare pony dives down to avoid the incoming wood and she seems to fade into the second dimension as a tree stump's shadow. Part of that shadow then dashes to the shade provided by the next tree stump. That keeps repeating for a few more shadows, until she comes back into the third dimension right in front of Velvet. Shier pulls out her card and it becomes a red-orange epee.

The Huntress matches her opponent's new weapon by exchanging her light scythe for a light rapier. Each of them thrust at each other and parry for a few strikes. Then, a flash of the pony's eye leads into a flurry of stabs that ultimately send the light rapier flying. Several more stabs hit Velvet in multiple places. Her Aura glows faintly to keep the worst of the damage off of her.

In desperation, she seems to pull out her next light weapon copy at random. It becomes a folding sword that she uses to whack the epee out of Shier's grasp. She then tosses the end like a rope dart. Shier glides into a tree's shadow to avoid the flying blade. With a grunt, Velvet holds her arms above her head as her light copy becomes a giant hammer.

She slams the hammer into the ground, displacing much of the dirt and rock underneath and around her. Shier is forced to rise up back in solid form. The force of the shock wave sends the Nightmare pony into a nearby tree, cracking the bark behind her. As she looks ahead, her opponent's hammer phases out while a mini-gun phases in.

"Oh, foxtrot," Shier mutters as she closes her eyes and conjures a big orange sphere around her.

Translucent bullets fly out of Velvet's weapon copy and batter the magical shield. Said defense vibrates a lot, but doesn't seem to break. It's too bad she doesn't have the hammer anymore. Instead, she pulls out the next best thing while running forward. A giant samurai's sword is lifted high before she slams it down.

The shield breaks and Shier gasps. She barely has enough time to utter one more syllable before Velvet swings her current weapon copy sideways. The Nightmare pony is sent rolling along the cracked up earth. She shakes as she tries to stand up, but can't. She exhales as she closes her eyes.

Velvet's weapon switches again to a two-piece set. A round shield is equipped to her left hand while a sharp sword is grasped in her right hand. She runs forth and prepares to jab the sword right down on the grounded enemy.

*Bling!*

A rush of seven colors moves the pony's body away. Velvet's attack hits nothing but a rock. Before she can ask, "What?" a flurry of hoof strikes hit her from every conceivable direction in succession. Electricity courses all around her as the Nightmare pony delivers an uppercut to her face. In midair, Velvet's Aura flashes once more around her before seeming to fizzle out.

From above, the Nightmare pony claps her hooves together. This creates a huge bolt of lightning heading straight down. Velvet's eyes go wide as there is nothing left to stop this burning, internal pain. Her body goes limp as she collapses on the rocky crater below.

The pony hovers in place by flapping her wings. Her magenta eyes stare down at her opponent in disappointment.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Huh. That win was rather...

Shocking?

No, well-earned. What you just said is asinine.

Aw...

While Velvet technically had a wider variety of weapons to choose from, it didn't really matter when Shier had the means to defend herself or evade almost the entire arsenal. It's true that Velvet can run at speeds that match sound. However, Shier's potential speed surpasses that. I don't just mean with Nightmare Spectrum's powers. Within the world that Shier currently resides, it's explained that shadows are actually composed of places where light crosses over itself, creating the illusion of light's absence. In other words, her ability to sprint from shadow to shadow is actually happening at light speed, many times faster than even Mach 2 or 3.

Even against the weapons' power that she couldn't avoid, she had a few personalities that could tag-in to the fight, just in case. And before you guys say Death Battle doesn't allow outside help, those other personalities are permanently stuck in her subconscious. They're all technically a part of her, meaning they're not outside help. Chill!

Shier's fencing speed is also faster than Velvet or her copy of Weiss's technique. Even if she somehow snapped a photo of Shier's Pinnacle Epee during the fight, it wouldn't have helped her much. Remember, those light copies only last for a few hits. So even if she started out hitting back with the same speed as Shier, her copy wouldn't last for as many hits as the real thing.

Couldn't Velvet just copy Nora's Semblance to absorb the lightning?

Only when she's wielding her light copy of Nora's hammer, and again that would only last for a few hits. Not enough to withstand all of the hits from both Shier and Spectrum combined.

Yeah, even when she's in a nice mood, Spectrum could probably shock twelve different Benjamin Franklins flying their kites with keys on the same day. As seen in one of RWBY's arena battles, one direct electricity shock can wipe out three different ladies' Auras at once. With all her endurance, I'm afraid Velvet's Aura just doesn't quite add up to that.

Finally, Shier is no stranger to guns. Remember, she started out her life as a human being. Twenty-six years on Earth is plenty of time to hear about the basics. She would know that getting shot would be a bad thing and instead try to dodge and defend accordingly.

This little bunny should have stayed home.

The winner is Shier the Nightmare.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

A fireball charges up in the darkness.

"Fight me or leave!"

Author's Note

For the record, I do like Velvet more than I like Shier.

Parent-Princess Conference

Advisory: Please set the "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: When I have Undertale on the brain, I'm bound to go back to its characters. Warning: Slight spoilers are quite possible.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Toby Fox.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

"If that mockingbird don't sing... I'll wring it's neck." ~Eminem

The parental figures and mentors in our life guide us to be better persons and give back to the world.

And every once in a while, you've got to let the fire out and do a little burning to show who's the boss.

Such as Toriel, the caretaker of the Ruins...

... and Celestia, the eldest princess of Equestria.

I'm W and he's B, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Toriel
-"Caretaker of The Ruins"
-A play on the word "tutorial"
-Hundreds of years old
-Solver of puzzles, baker of pies, and a great audience for knock-knock jokes
-Dislikes when new children want to leave
-Fights with fire magic; can one-shot KO a flower or even her ex
-Holds back much of her strength against a normal or pacifist child ("Hard Mode" will not be treated as canon)
-Becomes a teacher in the "True Pacifist" ending

A long time ago, the world was ruled by humans and monsters. But slowly, the humans' fear of the monsters grew, so they attacked the monsters first. In the end, the humans were victorious and they used their magic to seal the monsters underground. The monsters that survived the war long ago looked up to their rulers, the Dreemurrs. They were King Asgore and Queen Toriel, along with their son Asriel.

For a while, they had it going alright, considering they were trapped underground. Hell, they even adopted the first human kid that got lost in their neighborhood. They had all sorts of good times like cooking snails into pies, reading facts' books next to the fire, and drinking golden flower tea. But... then, the kids accidentally poisoned their dad with buttercup flowers where the recipe called for cups of butter. I hate that dyslexia so much.

To make things even more depressing, the adopted human child got the brilliant idea to poison themself to death with buttercup poisoning so that Asriel could absorb their soul and cross the humans' magical barrier. The symptoms of buttercup poisoning aren't pretty and include abdominal cramps, blisters on the skin, and bloody diarrhea.

Oh gosh why! If you wanted to die so bad, just stick a knife through your heart. It's a lot cleaner.

Why do you know that?

How do you think I passed the bio-portion of my Poultry Science degree?

O...kay, then. Long story short, Asriel's trip through the barrier didn't end very well and he died over a field of golden flowers, turning his body and the two souls within to dust. Furious at the humans for killing his son, Asgore swore revenge and made a decree that any humans that wandered underground were to be brought to him immediately so that he could kill them and take their souls. Legend has it that a monster that absorbs seven human souls would become a god and be able to destroy the barrier.

But Toriel didn't like that idea very much, considering one of her children was a human. So, she dumped him, and pretty much recreated her home in the old ruins. She vowed to protect any other humans that fell down Mt. Ebott and prevent Asgore from stealing their souls. But even with hundreds of years of practice, six humans fell through her claws.

It wasn't for lack of trying. Presumably, she always started out being as nice as she possibly could with every human that fell through. She helped them solve the puzzles within the ruins, gave other monsters the stinkeye when they tried to do anything to the children, and even offered them food and shelter. But, even the most patient of those humans couldn't listen to the 72 interesting uses of snails forever. That's when she applied her more aggressive terms.

Toriel can literally fight with fire. Just one of these charged up fireballs can instantly knock Asgore out of the picture.

And there seems to be no definitive limit to how many smaller fireballs she can sustain at once in any given battle. Despite this, she has a terrible habit of holding back and often gave into the children's desires to leave the ruins so that they could continue their journey.

Also... she just stands there and takes whatever punishment comes her way. It doesn't matter if her child is waving a stick or a toy knife in her face, she just stands there and takes it!

Depending on the timeline, this could very well lead her to a fatal end. Like every other monster that dies, if Toriel is killed, her body and her soul are turned to dust, blowing on the wind.

Still, I don't know many average people that can survive being on *eff*ing fire! So, you'd better be darned prepared before you push your luck with this goat-mom.

"Once you leave this place, please do not come back. I hope you understand."

---Death Battle---

Celestia
-"Princess of Equestria"
-One letter away from being an adjective, especially to a heavenly body; "celestial"
-Hundreds, if not thousands, of years old
-Provider of tasks, mentor to many unicorns, and a great audience for stand-up comedy
-Increasingly portrayed as weak and helpless, despite being able to raise and lower the sun and moon on her own if she has to
-Large arsenal of magic: levitation, teleportation, magical shields, beams, "dark magic"
-Does not fight with full power unless desperation overtakes her

Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria... blah blah blah. Have you seriously not heard the beginning of this series a hundred times by now?

... Are you okay, B?

Hulk threw her around in a previous battle, but then she avenged Luna against Goku. Power levels are bull-spit!

Um... I'm going to get you some therapy later... and maybe another shooting range. *Ahem* Princess Celestia has lived for well over a thousand years, yet seems to have maintained a youthful appearance and energy. Over the years, she has founded a school for those gifted in magic, and has taken on at least two personal students to potentially succeed her. The most promising turned out to be Twilight Sparkle, the eventual personification of the Element of Magic and later Princess of Friendship.

She also has a younger sister named Luna, but you fans have already gushed over that one enough by now. So, let's move on!

Harsh. Anyway, she tends to take a hands-off approach, allowing room for her students to study independently and come to their own conclusions to their findings. As an alicorn, she is often regarded with respect by her subjects, carrying the flight of a pegasus, the strength of an earth pony, and the magic of a powerful unicorn. She can levitate objects from up close or as far away as the sun, teleport in a flash of light, put up magical shields which can repel enemies from multiple directions at once, and shoot beams for offense.

It's also shown that she can activate life-size illusions from crystals using dark magic, though she tends to avoid using it in any other situation.

As impressive as her magical arsenal is, she allegedly prefers to treat other ponies as her equals, taking joy in the smaller things in life such as tea parties, lighthearted jokes, and bad standup comedy.

A clip plays of Discord saying, "And I can fly way better than Princess Twilight. Am I right?"

Twilight Sparkle shouts, "Hey!"

Celestia chuckles lightly.

Lately, Celestia hasn't been fighting the forces of evil directly, as she isn't the story's main hero.

But if you do so much as anything that rips away everything she knows and loves, she won't hesitate to get into the middle of a fight herself to strike... you... down.

So, are you feeling any better now?

A little bit, yeah.

"The fate of Equestria is in your hooves."

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

Brought to you today by MTT Burger: Home of the Glamburger, the most glamorous burger you'll ever eat. Oh... yes!

... What the heck?

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The scene opens in a rather dark location. Seriously, I can't see a thing. Is there something wrong with the lights? Erm... guess I'll just describe the shapes that I can make out. Let's see... I think that's a plant over there. There's something in a corner that looks bulky.

Oh hey! Candles are lighting up around the room on top of a bunch of dinner tables. Additionally, a golden glow illuminates the head of someone trotting inside. She then stands in front of one side of a long table. From the other side, a monster with large feet and a purple and white robe walks in.

"FIGHT!"

Celestia's horn glows somewhat brighter. Fires erupt and float over Toriel's clawed hands.

... only to immediately fizzle as she grabs a chair and sits down. Celestia magically pulls another chair and performs a similar action. They both look to the back wall of this... arena. I'm sorry. What's going on now?

"Fillies and monster-colts! Boy, do we have a show for you!"

Spotlights shine on a stage area. It appears to be a calculator-shaped robot... walking on two human legs in high heels. I... I don't even... what? Erm... he's holding a microphone next to his red and yellow lights.

"Please give a big round of applause to our performer for the evening: Sans the Skeleton!"

The robot's legs get exchanged for a singular wheel. He rolls to the side as he claps two mechanical hands. Meanwhile, someone else takes a shortcut onto the stage. He appears to be completely white and wears a blue jacket. He chuckles.

"Thank you very much, Mettat... and may I say that I see a fine-looking audience tonight?"

The skeleton winks his eye socket. Toriel puts a hand against her chest and smiles.

"In fact," continues Sans, "you might say I just goat to be here."

Somewhere, someone performs a drum line. This is followed by a fake-laughter track. Although, Toriel's open mouth and her leaning back in her chair are genuine. Celestia raises her eyebrow at this.

"Oh, spare me, Sans. You'd be boned either way."

The sound effects guy plays a gasping audience clip. To the left of Sans, a flash of light reveals a creature composed of a patchwork of colors. It's hard to tell if he's standing or just floating an inch above the ground. Celestia stares more attentively at the stage now.

"Hello, every monster! For those of you who've never heard of me, I'm Discord! I just flew in from Canterlot, and boy are my wings tired!"

His blue-feathered wing and his black-leathery wing fall off as if to prove his point. Celestia's mouth line wriggles as she lets out a snort. She starts giggling against her better judgment. Toriel tilts her head.

"Huh," Sans retorts, "then maybe you should eat some chicken. I hear they have much stronger, spicier wings."

Toriel snickers.

"And just who are you speaking for? You're all bones and no meat!"

Celestia puts a hoof over her eyes while she smiles brightly.

"Hey, now. No need to pick on the big-boned guy."

Toriel holds both her hands against her belly. She looks like she's about to fall backward.

"I'm sorry, Sans. As you can see, I'm all over the place tonight."

Celestia's wings open wide as she holds a hoof against the table. She laughs so hard that she can't keep her eyes open.

"Oh, that was you? I thought that was the 'dracon' in all of 'equus'."

The goat-mom literally falls backwards, starting to pound a fist against the floor.

"Really? That's your A-game material? I must roll my eyes."

Discord takes out his eyes and tosses them onto the stage floor. When they hit his wings, all four of the body parts return to their proper places. Meanwhile, Celestia has fallen forward. Her hindquarters still rest on the chair, but the rest of her is on the floor as she laughs.

"Well, you know what they say: cross your eyes and dot your teas."

Sans holds an ice cube in one hand and a cup in the other. A tea bag with a marker's dot on it hangs from the cup. Toriel's eyes are watering from all the chortles she's letting out.

"Oh, my. It seems we've left our audience in dis-chord."

Discord rings a hotel lobby bell. Celestia stamps her hoof on the ground in her laughing fit.

"Well, we were... Sans-ational."

Toriel rolls along the floor to either of her sides.

"Goodnight, everypony!"

Mettaton presses a button and the fake applause drowns out the laughter of the two actual audience members.

"L.O... L.!"

---Death Battle---

... I don't get it. What the heck is so funny?

Well, I'm not entirely sure. But if there's one thing that's consistent for both Celestia and Toriel, it's their funny bone.

Should someone help them? I know laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, but not that much.

I'm sure those comedians know the healthy limits for their respective persons... probably.

And so, by "stage fatality"...

The winners are Discord and Sans.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Any minute now..."

Vs.

"Did I get stronger?"

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed my attempt to lighten things up. Next time, it's back to being "serious".

Farm-Raised Brawlers

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: The following contains brutal violence inflicted upon fictitious animals. Viewer discretion is advised.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Iff'n it's all the same to y'all, I ain't gonna keep doin' this here ack-sent after this sentence. Get along now!

Sometimes, you can't always hire soldiers that have gone through years of military training before throwing them onto the battlefield. Many times in history, it's the farmer that gets conscripted for skirmishes and even wars.

And these two farmhands would fit right in with those conscripts if they had to.

Applejack, proud owner of Sweet Apple Acres.

And Mozu, the most adorable yet vicious villager from Fire Emblem Fates. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Applejack
-Element of "Honesty"
-Earth pony: strength and plant nurture
-Faster than a stampede of cows
-Usually level-headed and a practical thinker
-Arsenal: A lasso, a folding chair ("Somepony to Watch Over Me"), one hat of many from a closet collection
-Not very good at persuasion
-Stubborn and prone to lying

In the land of Equestria, a few different kinds of ponies hold levels of importance. Alicorns rule capital cities. Unicorns learn to shape the world around them. Pegasi control the weather through cloud tempering.

Then you've got everyone's least favorite pony type: the Earth Ponies. Don't get me wrong: those tiny horses can kick butt. Still, it's kind of hard to stand out when almost everyone else you know has a horn or wings or both... or is Pinkie Pie.

This simple body type of an earth pony seems to suit Applejack just fine. Of course, running a farm that mainly sells apples and apple products for a living wasn't always so appealing to her.

You mean she wanted a PC?

When she was younger, she tried living with her aunt and uncle, who just so happened to both be named Orange ("Cutie Mark Chronicles"). For a while, she was taught the ways of an upper class pony, the manners of polite society, and the spoken phonetics somewhat like Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady.

Why are you talking about Dr. Doolittle?

But then, a rainbow showed her the way back to Sweet Apple Acres. By the way, it was the same rainbow caused by Rainbow Dash's first legendary Sonic Rainboom. After Applejack returned home and reunited with her close family, she earned her-

Butt mark!

... cutie mark.

Well, getting a tattoo given by fate was great and all, but it didn't account for everything. Her ego was so great that she stubbornly conjured a web of lies that practically landed her whole family in the hospital. Long story short, no one actually got physically hurt. But it was still awkward for everyone involved ("Where the Apple Lies").

For reasons I can only guess at, Applejack would later be chosen as one of six "Spirits of Harmony", the Element of Honesty. Perhaps it has to do with how her heart is in the right place and she stays true to what she believes, rather than making her tell the truth as bluntly as possible all the time.

It's a good thing that Element thing was so lenient, or else she'd never be able to keep her calm when trying to hide a surprise party from her friend. Oh, did we forget to mention that Applejack once successfully held back Pinkie Pie, the party pony equivalent of a TV-Y7 Deadpool? Somehow, her own strength of will overpowered Pinkie Pie's ability to break physics ("Party of One").

Speaking of strength, Applejack has plenty of that. A single kick from one of her back legs can send an apple flying so hard that it goes through a target ("Buckball Season") or send the weight for a carnival bell strength test out of the atmosphere ("Fall Weather Friends"). Additionally, she carries a level of precision that allows her strength to knock all of the apples from a tree into nearby buckets almost perfectly and avoid losing most of the tree's leaves. She can even stop a runaway carriage full of other ponies from rolling down a cliff, with just enough legroom to step to the side ("Mysterious Mare Do Well").

When she needs a little more than kicking strength, she pulls out her rope into a lasso to hog-tie a cow ("Applebuck Season") or a baby dragon ("Fall Weather Friends") into submission. Sometimes, she also weaponizes apples and pies, which are apparently tasty enough to distract a buffalo into calling a ceasefire ("Over a Barrel").

After roughly two years with her main group of friends, she has come to understand most of the gang's strengths and weaknesses. When a situation calls for a quick plan that Twilight doesn't have the prep time for, Applejack can step in and assign appropriate tasks to each of her friends with confidence in their abilities ("The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000" and "Swarm of the Century").

She has brains and brawn. What doesn't she have?

Well, it isn't necessarily what she lacks. The thing that she has that could be considered a weakness is her pride. When her confidence gets shaken or she's at risk of losing something she feels is important to her family, she loses her emotional and mental stability. This makes it difficult for her to think straight and she could miss some otherwise obvious details that are staring her in the face.

This mess of thoughts has led to the following embarrassments: forgetting that her opponent is a magical unicorn that could tie her up with her own rope ("Boast Busters"), trying to show a potential family member their best and ending up at the bottom of a waterfall ("Pinkie Apple Pie"), and that hospital fiasco I mentioned earlier ("Where the Apple Lies").

Not to mention, this inflexibility has led to her making parts of her life much more complicated than they needed to be ("Apple Family Reunion" and "Applejack's Day Off").

Still, I don't think lying is really going to factor into a fight to the flipping death. If she can kick balls and hay bales up to heights way above her own head, she's alright in my book.

"Thank you kindly for your hospitality."

---Death Battle---

Mozu
-Last survivor of her village
-Strong enough to wrestle and kill bears
-Starts off weak, but increases stats exponentially
-Typically upgraded to "Merchant" or class-changed to something else
-Allegedly carries a knife even when her other tools aren't available
-Confidence is irregular
-Needs lots of protection before she's experienced enough to handle herself in combat
-Pole-arm weapons are weak to Axe and Club weapons

In the Fire Emblem series, there are many tropes that have become staples to the game: The overpowered tag-along character that wins all of the tutorial battles for you, the obvious love interest for a main character, the white mage, the tsundere or person that acts like she doesn't care but totally does, and perma-death: Once a character is beaten in any campaign, they're gone for good.

Then you've got the character that is timid and fragile when you first bump into them. But give them plenty of experience and look out! They practically become gods of the battlefield.

Mozu lived most of her life as a farming villager. She cared for both crops and family in equal measures. But then tragedy struck in the form of chained and muscular monsters (the Faceless).

Her mother's death was so tragic, they couldn't show it on screen.

Luckily for Mozu, she wouldn't be doomed to being alone forever. Immediately after the Faceless ruined everything, a traveling army from a legendary kingdom passed through. Their leader admitted they could never replace family, but they vowed to care for Mozu as they would anyone else.

She agreed and boy, was this army surprised by what she could do when they had some spare time. Regardless of what level she was at, she could farm, cook, scold like my ex, nurture like my mama, and wrestle bears to death. Yes. Freaking... bears.

In the Eurasian areas, wild bears can grow as large as 1500 pounds. Killing more than one of them would mean that Mozu's strength is about the same as Street Fighter's Zangief. You know, the guy who managed to overtake Mike Haggar in a previous (actual) Death Battle?

*sniff* Why'd you have to remind me of that? That poor mustached mayor...

Anyway, Mozu's arsenal usually consists of long-ranged pole weapons. Her base weapon is a Brass Naginata, a pole weapon with a blade which can be used to stab, batter, or hook her enemies.

While there's no exact confirmation on what her best armor is made out of, her defense stat gets pretty darn high at her maximum potential. Same goes for her speed and strength, allowing her to hit some enemies multiple times and dish out pain with every strike. Plus, her weapons never break in comparison to those of the predecessor Fire Emblem game Awakening.

There is a catch to all that power and unbreakable gear. She is by no means invincible. If pushed against enemies of similar or greater power, she won't be taking it out alone. Rarely would it ever be a good idea to place her in a fight against armies all by herself. Despite her pole-arm weapons, she doesn't necessarily have the means to fight off ranged units and spell-casters.

Still, I don't mind a woman who can work wonders in a kitchen and against wild bears. Heck, she can practically marry any of the male characters if the player so chooses. Talk about a critical hit.

"You reap what you sow!"

---Death Battle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a hoe-down, Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The sun is nice and bright today. A field is adorned by many blooming flowers. A couple birds fly overhead and sing. On the ground, a pegasus pony picks some of the flowers and puts them in a basket. She joins in the birdies' song.

"~La, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la...~"

As the camera pans ahead, it looks like several other animals are gathered around a picnic blanket. Some cups are divided among them while a teapot is in the middle of their circle. The pegasus giggles as she sets the basket of flowers right next to the middle. One of the animals, a bear, smiles and sips away.

Something reflects a ray of sunlight from a nearby bush. The pegasus's ear twitches as she takes a look in that direction. The bush's leaves rustle just before a young woman runs out with a long pole with a blade on its end. Said blade is heading almost directly for the bear's throat.

"Harry, look out!"

Time seems to slow down. The pegasus flies into the path of the oncoming weapon. The blade stabs into her side just under her wing. She opens her mouth and eyes wide as she goes spinning out of control to the ground.

"AAAAAAAH!"

"Fluttershy!"

The orange pony drops her buckets of apples and sprints in the direction of her friend's scream.

"Oh, darn it. I missed the bear."

Harry looks over his fallen pony friend. Red liquid streams down her side while a bluish-clear liquid spills out her eyes. She's shivering. It causes him to involuntarily shake as well. Just what is this biped and its ability to overtake such a strong massage-giver like Fluttershy?

His train of fear and thought is temporarily interrupted. A friend of his friend appears and slides some dirt in order to stop in front of him. This familiar friend stares at the intruder in anger. She stands to defend her friend and the rest of the animals in the vicinity. She firmly says something that involves his name, though he can't understand what she's saying.

The translator for the audience switches to English as the pony repeats herself. "Harry! Take Fluttershy and get out of here!" She points a hoof away from the scene. "What are you waiting for? Go!"

The bear is still shaking, but he seems to at least get some idea of what this second pony is saying. He slowly picks up Fluttershy in his paws and leads the rest of the animals out of the area. The woman tries to give chase, but the earth pony slams a hoof and shoves her away. After a second of catching her breath, the woman regains her weapon in her grasp and faces this new target.

"FIGHT!"

"Here goes nothing."

Mozu points her naginata down slightly and runs forward. Applejack pats her hat against her head and snorts before she gallops forth herself. When the weapon is about to make contact, the pony veers to the right enough to pass unscathed. Then, Applejack jumps up and pounds a hoof into her enemy's face.

Said enemy yelps and backs up a step. It's just enough time for the pony to press her front hooves into the ground, turn around, and buck both of her hind legs into Mozu's stomach region. The woman goes for a backward tumble. The pony pulls a rope out of her inventory space with her tail.

Applejack spins her rope into a lasso loop and launches it at the woman. Just as Mozu tries to stand back up, she finds her torso wrapped up in a tight rope. When Applejack pulls the rope, her enemy goes stomach first overhead and slams against the ground on the left side of the visible screen. She swings the rope around and slams her foe a couple more times against the ground in the same fashion.

When it looks like another toss is about to happen, Mozu reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small knife. She slides it over the lasso loop around her torso a few times. The rope snaps, allowing her to comfortably wield her naginata again. She presses the blade of the pole-arm weapon into the ground to slow her descent and allow herself to land on her feet.

The pony gallops in for another hoof to the face, but Mozu's other hand whips out the small knife. Thinking quickly, AJ reaches in a hoof and deploys her folding chair. The knife sticks into the wood, but doesn't go anywhere else. Meanwhile, Applejack's momentum sends both combatants rolling around onto their backs.

The background music hits a dramatic shift. Applejack wobbles up onto three hooves while holding her chair with her fourth. Mozu grunts as she stands up on two feet while adjusting her naginata. Applejack breathes heavily and a drop of sweat trickles down the side of Mozu's face.

They both charge toward the other. Applejack swings her chair up. Mozu swings her pole-arm blade down. The chair turns into an explosion of splinters. Applejack's eyes go wide as the naginata scratches a slit on her muzzle. Mozu uses the moment to hook her opponent from underneath. She uses an upward tilt to send Applejack into the sky.

The screen flashes briefly with a visage of Mozu smiling confidently. "You're a bad apple!"

She thrusts her weapon at a perpendicular direction to the pony's fall. The blade stabs clean through the pony's chest. There's a bit of gurgling from the throat before all four legs, tail, and head go limp. After that, Mozu shakes the orange body off of her weapon.

"Now, where'd that bear run off to?" The woman walks away.

A Stetson slowly floats down from side to side before quietly landing on the pony's face.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Holy crap! Where did all of that come from?

Yes, as it turns out, Mozu has a higher probability of victory than Applejack does. While Applejack technically had better natural speed and a longer range with her lasso, she didn't quite match up to Mozu's overall strength advantage.

That little lady was packing muscles? Where? Under her cloak?

Make no mistake. The ability to knock apples from a tree with nothing but hoof strength is impressive, but Mozu has commonly wrestled 1.5 ton bears to death. Sometimes, she did so without her proper tools except for a knife. Imagine how much more effective she is when she has her actual weapon in hand.

And unlike that consistency, Applejack has gotten caught under a pile of rocks. Her strength has a tendency to up and vanish when the writers feel like it.

Finally, Applejack's strategic mind is typically saved for when she has multiple friends or family members around to carry the plan through. She just didn't have the tools necessary to plan out Mozu's death. Whereas, Mozu already had a lethal weapon on her and had enough strength to prevent her from losing it should Applejack have tried to lasso the weapon instead of her.

She's an Apple forever... to the core.

The winner is Mozu.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Are you happy now that I've killed Applejack in one of these?
*sniff*
Because I'm not!
...
Actually, I've kind of mellowed out after the first draft of this battle. So... it's more of a realization that this is merely a simulation rather than an actual thing that happened. But I digress.

Happy New Year 2017!

Lightning Round: ~We Are Number One~ *Punch!*

Lightning Round: ~We Are Number One~ *Punch!*

While I normally recommend setting the "Formatting" to "Dark", choose whatever you can to comfortably read the following.
All properties belong to their respective owners.

Possible spoilers to those that haven't watched the Season 6 finale of MLP:FiM.

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the battles are conducted without waiting for the analysis!

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... Go!

---Saitama vs. Everypony---

(One Punch Man vs. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

There's a large cast of characters from the show as the camera zooms by all of them. Heroes, villains, background characters, side characters, and even a bunch of monsters are all gathered within the same five hundred miles from each other. Is this meant to be a battle royale? Actually, no. Their opponent is that caped baldy standing on a hill.

"Soka."

Here we go!

Fight!

"You're kidding," says Nightmare Moon in disbelief. "You're kidding right?"

She gets punched into obliteration by a red-gloved fist.

"Hey!" yells Applejack.

Saitama pulverizes the Mane Six, one after the other. He doesn't even look like he's trying.

"Hey!" Scootaloo flutters her wings furiously.

However, she gets punched off her scooter. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Babs Seed find themselves getting punched to pieces along with their wagon. Diamond Tiara, the rest of the school body, and their playground get wrecked. Old Starlight Glimmer laughs and leads her town of equal ponies against the man. However, his slowest consecutive punches make quick work of them and her.

Trixie takes charge of the next advance. Unfortunately, she doesn't account for her accomplices as Snips steps on a tree branch. She harshly shushes the colt, but to no avail. Saitama defeats them with a punch. Not even Zen-Snails stands a chance against the incoming red glove.

The sirens try to sing a verse that goes something like: "~Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah... Ah, ah... we are number one.~" What's left of their corpses flop back into the water after Saitama beats them.

Chrysalis takes the time to transform into an elderly pony, hoping not to get beat up. The man simply scratches his ear and says something with subtitles that read, "Cross the street yourself, you old croon." The changeling queen doesn't take this too well and attempts a sneak attack. Saitama thinks of something else and turns around with an index finger pointed. However, Chrysalis runs right into the finger and explodes on contact.

Braeburn leads Appleloosa with a barrage of apple pies. Saitama doesn't even flinch. He casually walks through the assault and lightly taps each of the ponies on the head. Each falls over with either Xs or spirals in their eyes.

Discord laughs as he forces an unequal truce with Celestia and Luna. They all apply magical enchantments on a large net. Once they spot Saitama, they toss it at him. The man stops in place and scratches his head. When the net makes contact with the back of his hand, it splits into three. The three nets fly back into the air and each entangle one of the enchanters. Unfortunately, they've made the nets so magic-proof that none of them can get out with their usual methods.

In the next wave, Zecora has somehow taken charge of some specially animated timberwolves. From the other side of the path, King Thorax is leading his new changeling subjects. They each order their armies to group tackle the enemy. For some reason, the man chooses that very minute to go for a jog. This leads the timberwolves and pretty changelings to all smash into each other. It leaves behind a lot of broken wood and possibly some broken bones on the respective sides.

"What are you doing?"

"What are you doing?" Zecora and Thorax ask each other simultaneously.

With each new drumbeat in the sound booth, Saitama punches another character to death. Twist. Flash Sentry. Cadance. Shining Armor. Tirek. Doc. Muffins. Lemon Heart. Lyra. Minuette. Twinkleshine. Moondancer. Sweetie Drops. Cranky and Matilda. Sassy Saddles. Lightning Dust. Gilda. Gabby. Cerberus. Bug-bear. Harry. Angel. Spike. Ember. Garble. Torch.

"My past is not today!" Poor Sunset Shimmer doesn't stand a chance against that punch.

The dude pony falls. The Tantabus gets wrecked. Cheese Sandwich gets fried. Tree Hugger gets baked. The Yaks get destroyed. Saddle Arabia gets wiped off the map. Even a few characters that really shouldn't be here start falling such as Mary Sue the alicorn, Anon the green human, and Donut Steele (basically the Duke Nukem Forever of the fandom). After a bunch more characters get singular-punched to death, the last two shake in fear.

With two last punches, Saitama defeats the Larson-bat-pony and Fausticorn.

Hey! Hey!

Do I even need to say who won here? I think it's kind of obvious.

Oh, very well. This Lightning Round's winner is... ~ONE PUNCH!~

Author's Note

Yes, I know I'm late to the meme. So what?
...
I'll probably be starting "Season Six" of this series next time around.

Introverted Gray Waves

A/N: Please make sure that "Formatting" is set to "Dark" before continuing to read. Thank you.

Some animals are calmed by the sound of music. Others get aggravated. Choose carefully.
Warning: This chapter may contain spoilers to Fire Emblem Fates and its DLC. Viewer discretion is advised.

Properties belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

~Clear crystal water right out of the spring, these are a few of my favorite things...~

Man, it feels like it's been forever since we did one of these.

Research and development takes time, especially when it comes to important things like lifespan in a deadly situation.

I guess, but what's the deal with people singing to cheer up animals and pep up other soldiers? It's not just princesses anymore; even the dudes are doing it.

In any case, singing animal lovers is exactly the descriptor for today's combatants. Fluttershy: the kind caretaker.

And Shigure: the Sky Knight.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Fluttershy
-Pony type: Pegasus
-Element of Kindness
-Good at communicating with animals
-Has a singing voice that rivals Disney princesses
-Soft-spoken and reserved personality
-Self-applies steps to be a little more open each day
-Can be triggered to be aggressive and deadly focused
-Speed can overtake Rainbow Dash's comfortable average (roughly estimated to be 3,800 m.p.h.)

In the land of Equestria, ponies take charge of practically everything from weather to trainyards and from mountains to valleys. You can't help but expect nice things to happen... unless you live the life of Fluttershy.

Yeah, taking after her parents, Fluttershy was pretty much hindered when it came to simply talking to other ponies. She wasn't always free-spirited when flying and she constantly got teased for it. Personally, I would have just clicked my shotgun. That tends to shut up errant mouths in a heartbeat.

Well... she doesn't have that, but she was friends with the hotheaded Rainbow Dash, who challenged the bullies to a race for, in her words, "Fluttershy's honor". Unfortunately, the racers' combined air disruption knocked the pony in question spiraling to the ground. But good news: She was rescued by a swarm of butterflies.

Butterflies? Are you kidding me? How the heck do winged bugs save a horse from turning into ground paste?

The only logical explanation is that the butterflies were made of some kind of dark matter, in order to produce the force necessary to decrease her acceleration and her momentum safely. After a distant explosion was caused by Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom, Fluttershy managed to calm down every single animal in the vicinity and earned her cutie mark.

Three pink butterflies? Why couldn't it have been a cooler animal? ... like bats?

More on that later. After some time, she eventually changed permanent residence to a cottage on the ground where she could tend to animals more closely and care for them during times of sickness, fear, or... just about any time really.

Despite the adjective in her name, she can turn up the intensity when she needs to. If any animal acts unruly, she can bend their will with nothing but her eyes.

This "Stare" is so powerful that it can cause chickens to walk backwards, convince a swarm of bats to hold still on a tree, and even reverse the effects of the stone gaze of a cockatrice.

As cool as that sounds, the "Stare" doesn't work on everything. Pony children and a certain draconequus are completely immune to its hypnotic effects. Though, apparently it can work on herself if she activates it while looking in a mirror.

Then it's a good thing she doesn't just rely on her "Stare". When properly motivated, Fluttershy can do many things that you wouldn't normally expect from a timid character. Such rare feats include flying fast enough to catch up to Rainbow Dash (while also pulling a hot air balloon with the rest of her friends riding it), standing up to a dragon and making it cry, soothing the pain of a manticore, befriending the spirit of chaos, and calming Cerberus: the dog that guards the gates of Tartarus, known in Greek mythology as a region of the Underworld.

She can pick up a new sports skill on the fly if she finds it fun, and she can sing well enough that it absolutely blows away her animals and her friends. It's too bad she constantly retreats back into that shy personality of hers.

Well, that's to be expected. Introverts don't usually win one struggle and never see it again. It's a constant battle, at least in their own minds, just to face the normal interaction with the rest of the world around them.

Enough about shut-ins, W. What's the story behind that lone fang that's still in her mouth?

Oh, well... there was this one time where her friend's crop was getting bitten and drained by vampire fruit bats. So, Fluttershy's friends convinced her to use her Stare on the bats to get their attention while Twilight used a spell to alter their diets. But then the magic sort of backfired and accidentally transferred traits of the bats to slowly transform Fluttershy into a pony hybrid version of a bat. Then, they did that trick you mentioned earlier regarding her Stare being used against herself in a mirror to perform the counter-spell. But, she still has a small fang even now that even she doesn't seem to know about. ... Oh, and her cutie mark temporarily changed into three pink bats during that original transformation.

... And I thought the pink party one lived an insane life.

"Um... it's... good to see you, too."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Shigure
-Human that rides a pegasus into battle
-Inherited his mother's love for singing
-An excellent painter
-Sometimes goes flying for leisure
-Welcomes the company of animals when he sings
-Weapon of choice: Naginata
-Singing can help his allies recover 2 HP each
-Can ride faster than Caeldori: the Sky Knight that's supposedly perfect in every way (as perceived by her father Subaki)

There were once two powerful kingdoms: the constantly dark Nohr and the bright, bountiful Hoshido. Naturally, as kingdoms of opposing positions are ought to do, they got in a war with each other.

It had everything a good war should. Fighting, swords, death, loss of loved ones... you name it. And what kind of war would be complete without prisoners?

One of these prisoners that Hoshido took away from Nohr was a young woman named Azura. She had a natural prowess in singing and picked up combat with pole-arms during her lifetime.

Since she was a pretty anime woman, of course she was going to get laid. But war zones aren't exactly the best place to raise kids. Out there, you win some and you lose some.

Children?

Yeah!

Er... well... Luckily, Azura discovered a place where she could store her child safely for a while: the Deeprealms. These pocket dimensions in the world acted as temporary havens where children of the armies could grow up without constant fear of enemy invaders. The catch was that time worked much differently in the Deeprealms, accelerating years at a time in a matter of real-world weeks. As such, Shigure reached his teen years very shortly after Azura left him in there the first time.

And that whole "safe from enemy invaders" thing? Yeah, turns out it wasn't so safe after all. Just as Azura and her friends went sailing to check on things, a whole bunch of spirit-like invaders from a lost civilization attacked and slaughtered everyone in Shigure's village. He barely had time to climb onto a pegasus and fly to Azura's boat before collapsing from exhaustion.

With no one left in his Deeprealm to care for him, he decided that he needed to grow up and joined his mother in the quest to restore peace to the warring kingdoms. He practically inherited all of his mother's gifts and then some. His singing voice can restore a breath to his weary allies and his ability to swing a Naginata is enough to keep up with the rest of the army's pole-arm wielders.

As a Sky Knight class, he can ride his pegasus several feet farther than the average soldier can walk. He can also hang around above cliffs and treetops that the foot soldiers can't even touch.

He has memorized all of Azura's trademark song, including the forbidden fourth verse which can somehow weaken and potentially wipe out an ancient dragon that self-proclaimed itself as a god. The drawback is that singing this verse while powered by his mother's amulet will kill him painfully... or wipe the memories away from a group of kids that voluntarily relinquish them.

Wait, it takes a life or it takes memories? How the hell does that work?

Since it's life-risking, he reserves that verse as a last resort when he sees no other options. When Shigure isn't fighting enemy troops or dragon gods, he can usually be found painting gorgeous works of art or singing to a group of animals that like to be around him.

Pfft. Boring!

Listen to this, B. Shigure likes to fly on his pegasus for leisure and relaxation. Doing so enables him to beat Caeldori in a flying race, the same Caeldori that has proven to be the best strategist, planner, guard, and aerial fighter in their group of allies. His pegasus flew faster... because he was relaxed.

Ha ha! And you said doing nothing would never pay off. Well, look at me now!

*sigh* You've completely missed my point.

"My song is pure!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

The sky is clear and blue today. It's almost a reflection of the blue hair on the young man riding a pegasus. He hums to himself as he takes in the moment. Then, he peeks over the side and catches a glimpse of something familiar. He flies down to investigate.

"Good tidings, Mozu!" he calls as he guides his ride to flap its wings and hover above one position.

"Oh hello, Shigure." Mozu greets back. "I was just looking for a bear I spotted earlier. But..."

She points down with her Naginata. Shigure follows the makeshift pointing device to what lies on the ground. It appears to be an orange creature with a brown hat covering its face. There's a scabbed-over stab wound in its chest area.

"I kind of got sidetracked with an exotic kind of meat." Mozu chuckles nervously. "I need someone to keep an eye on this while I go look for the bear. Would you mind helping me?"

"Of course." He nods. "I'll remain here while you search for your next meal."

"Thank you kindly, you blue cinna-bun." She puts on a determined face before turning on her heel. "We'll be having bear steaks tonight! Just you wait!"

"Looking forward to it!" He smiles at the farmer as she leaves his sight.

The pegsasus lands on the ground next to the orange creature and lowers its wings. The young man sighs as he looks around. He holds the pole of his weapon upright, keeping the blade pointed away from anything in particular. Taking another look at the recent kill that his comrade made, he speaks softly.

"What a shame. I probably would have liked to enjoy your company. But worry not, little creature. Your death was not in vain, for it will keep some of my friends alive a little longer."

A much littler pegasus pony flies around the treeline as quietly as possible. She calls out her friend's name in hushed whispers, but with a sense of urgency. Her body quivers and she bites her hoof nail as she moves further along. The longer she travels without hearing a reply, the more she worries. That's when she looks to the side and gasps.

Lying face-up with a hat over the muzzle, her friend isn't moving. It looks like an open wound released a stream of blood recently. But who would do such a thing as stab with a sword or a knife, or even a-

She spots a suspect: that sharp tool on top of a pole. Her eyes fixated on the weapon, she looks down and around. Eventually, her gaze rests on the suspicious face. To her, it seems to be smiling like a serpent playing with its food... and it's staring right at her friend's unmoving body.

"Applejack!" she cries out as she rushes over to her friend's side. "No, no, no, no, no. Get up! Please, get up!"

After brushing the hat to one side, she presses her friend's chest, gives a breath into her mouth, and puts her ear close. No breath exhaled, no heartbeat, nothing. Tears flow down the little pegasus's eyes. Then, her eyes switch to a furiously dry state. She jerks her head to look at the blue-haired face from earlier.

"You..." she seethes.

The man is simply baffled at what he's witnessing. "Pardon?"

"You do not! Kill! My! Friends!"

After a scream of rage, she flies straight for his face.

"FIGHT!"

Out of a reflex, he lifts his Naginata defensively. Fluttershy's hoof slams against the weapon. She recoils backwards in the air while Shigure nearly falls backward off his steed. He grabs onto the reins, directing his big pegasus to fly upward.

Fluttershy zooms after and passes by the bigger creature easily. She starts flying around in circles and making passive hits against her new enemy. Shigure grunts against a couple of the impacts. He guides his ride to turn left while his spins his Naginata above his head.

"Wrong verse!" he declares.

Guiding his own pegasus to descend at an angle, he quickly reaches forth with the extended blade. A bashing sound effect is heard. Fluttershy yelps as a couple feathers from her wings tear off from the impact. She drops altitude quickly before taking a ninety-degree angle to fly parallel to the ground.

Shigure and his steed give chase, descending in an arc path. His one visible eye stares out past his combed-down hair. His hand twitches around the rein, urging his ally to fly faster. He flies pretty low to the ground and looks ahead.

The little pony gets an idea and flies straight into the canopy of one of the trees. This tree jiggles in place before fruits of red, yellow, and green shake loose and fall. She flies to the next tree and somehow shakes its fruit loose as well. She keeps going like this and so forth.

"What is this?" Shigure guides his ride left and right to avoid the makeshift projectiles. For the apples that can't be avoided, he cuts through cleanly with his pole-arm's blade.

Suddenly, Fluttershy is right in front of the bigger pegasus. She opens her eyes wide and stares with an intense aura. The steed rears back and immediately lands its hooves against the ground. The sudden deceleration sends the rider toppling head over heels across the screen.

Shigure groans as he tries to sit upright and holds his hand against his head. He looks around slowly. His Naginata is wedged into a patch of dirt beside him. He reaches over to grab it, only to watch it disappear in a blur of yellow and magenta.

The camera zooms in on a small fang before zooming out to reveal the rest of its mouth and its owner. Fluttershy practically growls as she spins the weapon around. Without a moment to spare, she stabs the Naginata through the young man against a tree trunk.

Shigure coughs up blood. "My song... is sung..." He then hangs limply.

"Brutality!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Good gosh! Where did that monster come from and why is it wearing a little pony as its body?

It's usually not in Fluttershy's nature or intentions to outright kill other people. However, desperation and stress have pushed her over the edge, leading her to inflict harm upon even her closest friends. Taking that a step further with a complete stranger isn't completely beyond her.

I'll admit, I wouldn't be too happy if a close friend of mine got killed either.

Shigure may have had a slight advantage in formal combat experience and intelligence, but most of that requires his teamwork with his pegasus during a battle. Once he lost that, there wasn't much he could do on his own. Even if he had resorted to his last resort fourth verse, that would have required time that he just would not have against Fluttershy's naturally aggressive speed.

But how did Fluttershy's Stare work on his pegasus? Aren't they both ponies?

Ah, but that's just it. The Stare does not work on ponies from Equestria since they hold similar levels of sentience as herself. Shigure's pegasus is closer to that of a feral horse, and the Stare can work on other animals. In Shigure's defense, he cannot be affected himself.

That just leaves the question of long-ranged vs. short-ranged combat. While reach is good, it doesn't quite stack up to the speed and focus Fluttershy gets when she's motivated, plus she's strong enough to crush ribs with just her hooves.

And with no other allies to support him, Shigure wouldn't have many options for such a confrontation.

I guess Shigure is a one-hit wonder.

The winner is Fluttershy.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Next time on Side Battle *cough cough* *hack* *cough cough*

...

Uh... we may have a problem here.

Author's Note

Well, as you've probably already guessed, I don't have a set schedule for the work I submit to this site. But I'll do my best to enjoy myself, and maybe even entertain some of you if I'm lucky.

Daring Do and the Uncharted Garden

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before continuing to read. Thank you.

A/N: I had hoped to pit two treasure hunters against each other for a while, but my mind just kept blanking for some reason.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Amy Henning, and Naughty Dog.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

Watch out for the boulder traps!

Sometimes being a treasure hunter requires more than just wits and navigation. Sometimes, you've got to put up your dukes and fight for your life.

Daring Do: archaeologist and author.

And Nathan Drake: explorer of the uncharted. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Daring Do
-Pen name: A. K. Yearling
-Pegasus with a compass cutie mark
-Well-rounded puzzle-solving skills
-Can utilize environment for offense and defense
-Pinpoint accuracy with steps and throws
-Hat is apparently lighter and stronger than titanium
-Regularly gets captured by an ahuizotl and a scruffy scheme-artist
-Still doesn't work in groups too well

Sometimes, it's not enough to be part of a group of friends destined to wield the elements and fight off evil. Sometimes, you just need a pen that's mightier than a sword, and a pith helmet stronger than darts. These are the traits of Daring Do.

She looks awfully familiar with those wings and those different shades in her mane. Are you sure we're not looking at Rainbow Dash?

While her origins are a little ambiguous, she has apparently been in the fields of archaeology and research for quite some time. By the time she wrote her first book under the pen name A. K. Yearling, she had been through at least a few adventures. As a pegasus pony, she can fly and use her wings as extra grabbing limbs. She can solve a number of puzzles, avoid various traps, and can even keep going if one of her wings is broken.

Normally, she doesn't take a whole lot of equipment besides her outback outfit and trusty hat. And that hat is ridiculously strong. It can apparently resist heat, stop arrows from piercing all the way through, and can somehow maintain enough kinetic energy to bounce off walls and knock a down-held lever up to disarm a doomsday device.

Of course, that hat trick only worked because Daring Do has incredibly good luck and accuracy. She's strong enough to hover with four concrete blocks strapped to her hooves, and she can hold her breath for over ten seconds.

Still, that luck sometimes runs short and she often ends up getting caught by her nemesis Ahuizotl and a gruff-bearded horse and his henchmen. Sure, she's recently learned to start trusting new ponies to help out, but she prefers to work alone. It's just as well. This is a one-on-one Death Battle scenario.

Yearling can disguise herself from the public eye with a cloak, glasses, and a lady's hat. She even knows when the best disguise is to hide in plain sight as herself, next to a bunch of Daring Do cos-players.

Then again, how dumb are her enemies to fall for a beard made out of leaves?

Nevertheless, she'll do what she needs to do to recover the treasures of temples and put them on public display.

Unless it's the one giant ring to rule them all. In which case, she'll smash the darn thing into pieces.

"I've got to get this to a museum. Thanks for your help."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Nathan Drake
-Birth name: Nathan Morgan
-"Just a guy like you and me"
-Highly knowledgeable about history and geography
-Extremely good luck
-Weapons: Desert eagle pistol, grenades, assault rifle, and sniper rifle
-Can jump gaps over 19 feet, push boulders over 20 tons, and survive exploding transportation
-Doesn't really plan for anything aside from the general here-and-now
-Survival often requires outside help

The life of Nathan Drake is anything but a well-planned path. He's a seeker of lost worlds and treasures for both the thrill and profit that come with the adventure.

For the first part of his life, he was an orphan, constantly under the hatred of just about everyone he knew. Despite the poor conditions, he would learn a lot in the ways of history, geography, and probably most of the encyclopedia.

His first quest was to find a journal belonging to his late parents. He and his brother succeeded in finding it, but ended up trespassing on an old woman's house. She promptly died of a heart attack right in front of them.

Seeing as how standing over a dead body is the first step to life imprisonment, Nathan started his life on the run. Over the years, he learned to roll with life's punches, as long as those punches didn't kill him. He's a man after my own heart, diving headfirst into any and all of his problems.

At one point, he joined up with an ex-military turned con-artist and learned how to properly use a gun. He is most comfortable carrying a desert eagle pistol and a few grenades, but he has also used other weapons that he comes across such as assault rifles and sniper rifles.

He can push huge boulders bigger than himself and can jump across ledges over nineteen feet without a running start. Don't forget that he survived and escaped exploding transportation on multiple occasions. Hell, he shot a propane tank in a train and climbed it up a mountain before it had the chance to fall down the steep drop.

Nathan was never meant to be a super-soldier. He's quote, unquote "a guy like you or me" who reacts to his absurd situations much like The Straight Man trope in fiction.

Still, for a guy that isn't a super-soldier, he tends to kill a lot of enemies that are trying to get the treasure before him. None of that would be possible without some stupidly good luck on his side. The guy fell out of a plane, landed in a desert, wandered through that desert for two days without proper rest, water, or food, and still managed to fight off some ***holes that were trying to shoot him dead.

Just goes to show how far inspiration from Francis Scott Drake can go for one man like Nathan.

Since when did Francis ever jump out of exploding planes or shoot a propane tank to survive?

"Just don't break your neck."

"Well, that's the plan."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

A bronze yellow pegasus in a safari outfit ducks around some long-hanging tree branches. She looks out at an old cathedral. She dashes behind one pillar, then somehow tiptoes on her hooves further inside. The camera pans over to a hidden back entrance as a guy in a gray shirt and blue jeans keeps his head low and wanders in that way.

The back wall has a stained glass portrayal of a bearded man in a purple cloak. The pony crawls from aisle to aisle, looking left and right for potential threats. As she approaches the front of the sanctuary, she spots a circular pattern on the floor. Several images of different animals are marked along points around the circumference. The pegasus flies up to get a better look at the animals and holds a hoof under her mouth in wonder.

She hovers near the top of the circle and taps the image of a sitting lion. She floats over to the bottom right and touches the image of a small sheep laying on its stomach. Finally, she flies toward the bottom left and presses her hoof against a white dove with an olive branch in its beak. The three animals glow before the floor inside the circle opens up.

Meanwhile, the man holds himself against a corner of wall to avoid being spotted. He peeks around, not really sure what to make of the creature flapping its wings. That's when he spots the platform rising from the center of the circle. It looks like a cross topped with a golden sphere. The sphere is laced with an intricate pattern. He gasps as that object is the reason he is here.

"Huh?" The pegasus turns her head. "It's no use hiding! Show yourself!"

"Aw, crap..." The man steps around the corner and holds a hand near his belt. "I don't suppose a flying horse that shouldn't even exist in the first place would consider leaving that item right where it is while I take it, would you?"

"I don't have time to play pretend," comments the pegasus while holding a hoof near her hat. "This Apple of Eden needs to be locked up in a safe place so that neither the Templars nor the Assassins' Guild can abuse its power."

"*Ess*! She knows." He clenches his fist before grasping the weapon in his holster. "Well then, I'm terribly sorry that it had to go like this."

She pulls a rope out from her hat. He pulls out a pistol and aims.

"FIGHT!"

Daring Do lowers her head. Nathan Drake fires a shot, but the bullet bounces off the pony's hat. Daring lashes the rope at the golden sphere. Like a lasso, the rope pulls its target toward its wielder. As Daring grabs it in her hoof, the Apple of Eden shines brightly.

Various straight lines of golden light stream through the cathedral. Nathan raises his arms to cover his eyes. Daring does something similar with her wing. The scenery drastically changes shape and color.

When the Apple is done with its impromptu light show, a lot more greenery is visible. Trees of all kinds are all reaching for the sky. Giants leaves of exotic plants grow haphazardly between roots and dirt. Birds can be heard chirping in the distance. The camera pans past some low-hanging fruit.

The pegasus dares to open her eyes. She audibly gasps at the new setting. She gazes back at the sphere in her hoof before stuffing it in a flap inside her hat. She dives into a nearby bush.

Nathan slowly walks as he looks around and above himself. "Uh... okay... sure. Random forest! Why not? *Ess*..."

A breeze shuffles some of the leaves near Daring Do's hiding spot. Nathan catches sight of a bronze feather. He pulls out a small, pineapple-patterned item, pulls out the pin with his teeth, and throws the rest near the bush. Daring's eyes widen before she quickly flies up and away.

The grenade explodes. Nathan dives behind a tree before looking up and around. He points his pistol and fires a few shots. Daring darts from tree to tree, trying to avoid the shots. One of the bullets nicks a feather on Daring's left wing. She silently grits her teeth as she circles around.

"I'm shooting a flying horse..." Nathan reloads his pistol. "What has my life come to?"

Just as he finishes asking that, a back hoof slams against his wrist. His pistol and the new magazine go soaring off into the plants several feet away. He throws a couple punches. Fist bounces off hoof. Then a wing smacks him upside the head. Four hooves together collide against his abdomen and rib cage. He falls onto his back and groans, holding both of his arms around his torso.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll stay down!" Daring Do gives a quick hoof salute before flying away.

Struggling to breathe properly, Nathan rolls over and shakily stands up. He grabs a scoped rifle from off his back and looks around. The cross-hairs show up as a circle amidst a black screen. He aims for what looks like a compass-marking on the pony's hide and fires.

Right then, Daring makes an arc turn in her flight. However, what she doesn't see is the longer bullet flying at a higher speed. It goes through the vertebra at the base of her neck. Her eyes open wide and her pupils shrink. She struggles, but can't seem to move anything. Unable to do much, gravity points her head and nose toward the ground.

There's a large sound as she impacts with the dirt. Her hat bounces off. The flap opens and releases its contents. The Apple rolls over to a lucky man's hand.

"Heh. If you know what's good for you, you'll stay down. Right?" Nathan smiles and holds up his prize.

"Headshot!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Holy crap! If I had blinked, I would have missed that!

While both of these characters rip off other treasure hunters in their own ways, Nathan's tenacity and extraordinary luck won out in the end. While Daring Do is also ridiculously lucky, she has never had to kill an opponent. Meanwhile, taking a life is just something that happens every other week for Nathan.

Sure, Daring Do can fly and fight a few jungle cats at once, but Nathan can withstand the force of impact from a fall from several feet high. Heck, he could probably jump over most of the large openings that Daring Do adventures across on a regular basis.

Plus, Nathan had far more long-ranged options than Daring had available. Both are skilled at making use of their environment, but Nathan has had to hold his own as a one-man army with his arsenal of weaponry. Technically, Daring Do had the better defensive option by way of her hat over Nathan's insistence on never traveling with any armor. But while her hat is tough enough to take hits from arrows and possibly other projectiles, the rest of her body is not.

I guess Daring didn't Do what she set out to accomplish.

The winner is Nathan Drake.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Just as all seems well, the screen goes photo-negative for a split second. Nathan looks down to see a sharp blade sticking out of his chest. Gagging as his own blood spreads across his shirt, he struggles to turn his eyes to look behind him. The audience catches a glimpse of a man wearing a hoodie composed of silver and red.

"Like my ancestor Ezio Auditore once said, 'Requiescat in pace, bastardo'."

The hidden blade is withdrawn. Even more blood spills out of Nathan's chest as he falls to his knees. His hand loses grip of the Apple of Eden as he collapses onto his face. Desmond picks up the Apple and holds it as high as his thin layer of unshaven facial hair. The golden sphere glows brightly. This leads to the screen fading to white.

Author's Note

Additional properties belong to Ubisoft.

Weird, Weirder, Yet Weirder

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.

A/N: I cannot guarantee satisfaction with the end result. May contain spoilers for... anything, really.

Properties belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Alex Hirsch. Additional properties belong to their respective owners.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

The director said something about incorporating different fonts. Unfortunately, he couldn't figure out how to implement them. We apologize in advance for the lack of wingdings.

Rules are often held sacred. They give order and a sense of reason to things. But when the rules are ignored, things can get very messed up, very quickly.

And these two will break every rule there is just to satisfy their own sick fantasies.

Discord: the self-appointed spirit of chaos and disharmony.

And Bill Cipher: the top-hatted yellow Illuminati symbol of Gravity Falls.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analy-

*bzzrt!*

Uh... to analyze their-

*woooo-ah-tu-a-tu-warble*

Hey! What's going on?

I... don't know. This doesn't usually hap-

*Bzzrt! Towa! Tow! Poof!*

...

A typewriter noise sounds a very distorted title card. The letters of the phrase "Death Battle" are unrecognizable shapes.

I believe we can introduce ourselves just fine. *Ahem* Hello, everypony, every person, and every those-of-unspecified-animal-vegetable-or-mineral! My name is Discord, and I'll be your winner for today.

Um... you're not allowed to reveal or lie about the final verdict.

It's not a spoiler if it's obvious. Come now! Did you not see any of my appearances in the show Friendship is Magic? First of all, where have you been? Second of all, I'm practically unstoppable. To even take me down a peg requires a Deus Ex Machina like the Elements of Harmony. And since those are no longer part of the picture, I can't possibly be overpowered.

A/N: Says the second-to-last creature to lose their magic to Tirek, with the last one being a super-charged Princess Twilight.

That was a form of a Diablo Ex Machina. As I was going to say, with Tirek out of the picture, I'm once again on top, baby! Ah ha ha ha ha! But seriously, I can do anything. Even the OP unicorn Starlight Glimmer recognized my potential of beating an army just by sneezing in the wrong direction.

A/N: Why can't you just let B and W do their jobs and explain this for you?

Isn't it obvious? I can break the fourth wall to the point of recognizing writing setups and share a secret with the audience that the rest of the ponies can't hear. What I'm doing right now is yet another example of how I break the game. By the way, you lost the game.

A/N: *sigh* Your overconfidence is your weakness. That's why it was determined that you would lose to certain fictional characters in previous chapters that you've been in.

Aww... is somebody feeling butt-hurt? Shall I call a wambulance for you?

A/N: What the...? You're not supposed to know that joke!

To summarize, I can do anything. What's this yellow triangle going to do that I can't?

A/N: If you could un-static our show hosts, I'm sure they'd be more than happy to explain just that.

Oh, fine. Freaking black-and-red-hedgehog lover... *snaps*

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Bill Cipher
-Age: "Trillions of years"
-Has strongly influenced the dreams of older residents in Gravity Falls
-Favorite attacks: beams, bubbles, and hexing fires
-Reality warping: can remove sanity, destroy time, shift space, rearrange bodily orifices, turn living organisms to stone, bring feral life to the inanimate objects
-Weirdmageddon: Let me put it this way... Weird Al's prediction that "Everything you know is wrong" becomes 100% accurate
-Weaknesses: Pokes to the eye, synchronized music, and vulnerable to mind wipes when inside someone else's head

Brrrrr-ah! We're back! Oh, man. That felt really bad.

Y-Yeah... there's a reason we don't allow Discord to fight every single time. *Ahem* One summer day, two twelve-year-old twins were sent away from California to a town in Oregon called Gravity Falls. While their purpose seemed to be helping their great uncle run his store to con cash out of tourists, nothing about the town could be taken at face value.

Gnomes that vomit rainbows, a muscle-bound character that looks like he was ripped straight out of Street Fighter, and last but not least... a freaking demon from another plane of existence!

Bill Cipher is from a trans-dimensional mindscape who repeatedly plays with the lives of Gravity Falls' citizens. His favorite and default form is very similar to the Eye of Providence shown on the back of any common United States one dollar bill. He is reportedly over one trillion years old and has an ego to match that length of time.

When he's given a physical form, there is a seemingly infinite number of things he can do just by thinking about it or flicking his tiny fingers around. He can take control of other people's bodies just by giving them a polite handshake, turn people to stone with laser fire, create giant eyeballs with bat wings to terrorize the populace, reshuffle eyes, ears, mouth, and nose on a person's face, and even wipe away sanity just by dipping people inside a multi-colored bubble. Permission to say what the *eff*!

He's more than your typical geometrical anomaly; that's for sure. When the all-powerful Time Baby tried to step in because Bill was bending the flow of time with one of his plans, Bill retorted by shooting a light from his eye that erased the several-billion ton baby from existence.

He can mess with physics and destroy time?! He sounds unstoppable! I knew getting that C- in Geometry was going to come back to bite me.

Powerful, he may be. But invincible, Cipher is not. While difficult for most of Gravity Falls' residents to pinpoint and take advantage of, this demon does have a few noteworthy weaknesses. For example, a strong enough impact to his eye or focusing synchronized music at him can paralyze him. Additionally, the aptly named Cipher ritual can trap him back in his transdimensional mindscape, forcing him to once again search for a way back into the physical realm.

Those sound more like inconveniences than actual weak points. Wish I could just shoot the darn guy to death like the rest of the enemies in my life.

But the most prominently exploited weakness in the Gravity Falls' universe is by way of mental erasure. If Bill gets trapped within the mind of one individual and then that person's memory is lost or forcibly destroyed, he will also cease to exist.

Yeah, but he's not fighting Dr. Strange or Psycho Mantis. He's fighting against a troll of the Equestrian universe. I think no matter who wins here, we're all going to lose.

Don't worry, B. I've got a way to save us just in case either of these two combatants gets out of control. And it's right h-

W pats his pockets all over himself.

... crap.

A/N: Well... it's a good thing I told the narrator to take today off. At least he won't die here.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

I am switching my vocal modules to "Narrator Mode" now. *click*

We begin with a view of Discord's home dimension. It is filled with an abstract artist's wet-dream of colors all over the place. Floating platforms cover the sky at various points. A piano with teeth and wings chases after some weird cross between a bird and some unidentifiable creatures. The camera zooms in on a dilapidated house on a particular platform.

Our favorite draconequus floats above his couch. He seems to be munching on a box filled with the animator's pencil erasers. Why he's eating those as opposed to more pages from random books, I have no idea. But I digress.

Suddenly, the front door morphs into an oval. It then proceeds to be melted off its hinges. An unexpected guest floats in, tipping his top hat as he proceeds. He blinks his singular eye as he looks around the place.

"So this it the lifestyle of another reality warper?" The yellow triangle places both of his hands on his nonexistent hips. "I've got to tell you: I'm not impressed by what I see."

The draconequus lifts a brow to the ceiling, before yanking it back down to his face by way of his eagle talon. "And just who do you think you are, barging in on a guy's property like this?"

"Ha! You need to get out more!" The all-seeing triangle points a thumb at himself somehow. "I'm the only weirdness-maker that anyone will ever need to remember again: Bill Cipher! How do you not know me? Even the people who don't know me should already know me! I'm just that important!"

The resident shrugs either of his wings and proceeds to munch on his snack. He holds up one of the pencil erasers toward the triangle. "Care for a bite?"

"You seem to be missing my point." Bill lifts an index finger, causing the pencil eraser to lift up on its own. It spins around, then stops as a sharpened pencil. He flings the pencil and it sticks like a dart in the wall just above the draconequus's head. "I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to tell you to get off of my style... or else."

The draconequus poofs his bowl away. "My, my. You presume that you have a trademark on creating chaos? Isn't that 'Q't?"

"FIGHT!"

Discord snaps his fingers and summons two dust bunnies from under his couch. Despite not having any internal organs, they still appear rabid. Bill Cipher scoffs as he snaps a couple of his own minions into existence. They appear to be giant eyeballs with red wings and devil tails. The atrocities against nature bite and slap each other, expectantly covered by a dust cloud.

Meanwhile, their masters get to work summoning slightly different ammunition. Bill holds up his hands around his eye and shoots a giant laser. Discord pulls out a water pistol and shoots out a huge jet of water. The laser and water somehow meet in the air and push against each other. The classic beam struggle ends without any clear advantage taken.

"I think we need a different approach," suggests Discord.

"Yeah, blasting each other is kind of boring for a show that's all about fighting," admits Bill.

"How about we play a game of roulette?" The draconequus pulls out some of the chapters and shuffles the names around. "Equestria's cast for me, and the other people for you."

The triangle's eye smiles. "Sweet, I can torture you and humiliate you. It's the best of both worlds!"

The two wheels above Discord's limbs spin around before slowing down against respective selector arrows.

*In a black and white, rectangular space...*

A unicorn of a color that stands between pink and violet looks anxiously ahead. Her opponent appears to be a short guy in a jacket and slippers. His face is constantly smiling, despite the emotion given off by his eye. Yelling, the unicorn shoots a magic beam straight at him. Her blue irises shrink against her eyes when he casually steps out of the way.

"What? You didn't think I was just going to stand there and take it, did you?"

A blue aura wraps around Starlight Glimmer and slams her against the ground. Bones pop out all over the hallway and quickly move toward her. She casts a spell that adds a layer of teal to the aura currently around herself. She levitates up and around the bones. Though, a significantly larger one crashes into her face, forcing her back to the ground.

Starlight feels her limbs able to move freely again. After her horn glows again, she rushes up the right side of the hall and breaks one of the stained glass windows. She surrounds herself in a giant crystal-shaped shield as she jumps at her opponent's position. Sans vanishes and reappears, leaning against one of the support beams away from Starlight's attack.

"Reality is falling apart. So many timelines were created when you tried to get rid of one group of friends."

He lifts his hand, psychically slamming her against the ceiling. Three Gaster Blasters appear and shoot glowing beams from their mouths. Starlight holds up her shield spell, but it cracks under the pressure of the triple attack. Something feels like it's tugging inside her chest.

She uses her magic to slow down her fall to allow her to stand on the ground. She lifts a couple loose tiles from the floor and throws them. She casts a couple transformation spells on each of the tiles. Sans leans to the left and back to dodge the resulting knives. He shakes his head.

"But then all of those timelines popped. Guess you can't even reset properly."

Sans conjures more bones to bombard the area. Starlight teleports around, narrowly avoiding the bones. Both of them look like they're sweating as the fight goes on. Sans conjures a giant blaster and fires. Starlight funnels a large beam of magic and returns fire. Her heart thumps loudly and she grunts in pain.

She shifts some matter through her spell. Starlight creates a clone right behind Sans, performing the same spell as her original self. Sans grunts and takes a shortcut to the far right. The unicorn's clone pops as she and the skeleton look at each other in exhaustion.

"That being said, you sure like waving that horn of yours around. And I'm... getting... tired..."

His eye sockets slowly shut. He snores while standing on his feet. Starlight takes soft, quick steps toward her opponent. Then, she jumps at him... only for him to slide to the left. She belly-flops on the floor.

"Ha! Did you really think you could-"

A slicing sound effect is heard as a blue beam cuts through Sans' chest. Red liquid drips out of his ribs and his mouth. Starlight dispels her invisibility spell while holding her sharp-slashing spell. As for the clone that did the belly-flop, it fades away.

Sans holds finger bones against his open wound, staring with tiny white dots in his sockets. "So that's how it is... heh... heh..."

The 'weakest enemy' fades away into dust.

Discord: 1

Bill Cipher: 0

*Out in a random field...*

"You're jacking off my style and my name!" accuses Lighting Dust while pointing a hoof down at the hatted creature.

"I did not choose this name," explains Dust, wielder of Ahrah. "It was given to me by the Moonblooded."

"So you won't even apologize for infringement? Fine! How about you take this?"

The pegasus flies around in large circles, creating a tornado. She soon spins out of control and gets launched into the air by her own storm. Meanwhile, the bluish-gray anthro fox holds his hat down with one hand and his sword with the other. He spins it around rapidly, creating a windstorm of his own.

The storms spin in opposite directions to each other and slow down. Eventually, all that's left are a few breezes in every direction. The swordsman leaps into the air and spins parallel to the ground. He snags Ahrah against one of Lightning's wings. He front-flips and points downward.

He pummels her into the ground, snapping her neck and causing her eyes to roll back within her head.

Discord: 1

Bill Cipher: 1

*A giant stage background...*

"The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest magician in all of Equestria!"

Doctor Strange crosses his arms as his cape flaps by itself. "Prove it."

Trixie pulls out a deck of cards and magically spreads them out around behind her. Strange smirks and wraps himself in rings of blue light. The unicorn levitates the cards forth like a rain of projectiles. All fifty-two clang against the blue barrier and disintegrate. Immediately after that, a giant blue beam returns fire.

A smoke bomb sets off while Trixie runs to the left. Doctor's gloves glow in yellow as a few prisms of similar color appear around his opponent. Trixie gasps and halts her gallop. Strange throws what looks like a red fireball that collides with one of the prisms. It somehow shoots out into the second prism and then the third. Finally, it shoots out as a red burst that slams against Trixie's back.

The unicorn growls as her horn lights up. A rope quickly snakes out and wraps several coils around the man.

"Hah! Got you!" Trixie stands on her back hooves in celebration.

"Not exactly." The footage twirls around in circles before revealing a free Doctor Strange. "You got yourself."

"What?!" Trixie looks down to see that she is tied up in her own rope.

Strange lifts a palm upward. A golden yellow blast erupts from the ground under Trixie's hooves. She yells out and she falls over. Her rope and parts of her mane are singed. She grunts as she struggles to stand up. She magically pulls out her black-and-white cane wand and a star tipped wand.

"Trixie is... not done... yet." She pants between words.

"Don't beat yourself up too badly, Trixie."

Doctor meditates in midair. A ghostly image of himself flies out of his back and floats around Trixie. Startled, she loses grip on both of her wands and they fall to the ground. Red magical coils restrict her movement. Five yellow spheres circle around.

Strange turns his back and lowers his hand. The spheres all collide on top of Trixie as she lets out a scream.

"You were up against The Sorcerer Supreme."

Discord: 1

Bill Cipher: 2

*In the top left panel of a comic book setting...*

"I know we technically already did this. But how about a 'serious' round, just for kicks?"

"Okie-dokie-loki! Hee hee hee... Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

This ought to be a match to remember!

FIGHT!

Deadpool back-flips into a kick while Pinkie Pie spins around and bucks with her hind legs. The pony smacks him with a helicopter tail motion. However, he quickly counters by street dancing down low and twisting her around, using nothing but his feet. He follows up by yanking his read talk bubble from earlier and slamming her down to the bottom of the next page.

Pinkie Pie shakes herself back into shape, then jumps through the comic book. She gathers all of the page numbers and throws them all like paper planes. They hone in on the mercenary and pound against his cranium. Thinking quickly, he pulls out a laser pistol and shoots the bindings on the cover, melting the staples and setting fire to the rest of the comic.

With exclamation points running rampant, both of the fourth wall breakers leap out of the comic book into the third dimension. This startles the nerd who was reading the comic book, who runs out of the house while screaming in terror. Uncaring, Deadpool tosses a bola at Pinkie's hooves. Pinkie pulls a piece of taffy out of her mane and whacks the trapper's tool away. She then proceeds to take a bite out of her taffy and chews it.

The merc tries swinging his twin katana around. In response, the pony opens her mouth wide. The stretchy taffy in her mouth does a surprisingly good job at resisting the swords slashing against her. She bites down hard, shattering the blades into smithereens. Though, it looks like it does a similar job to her teeth.

Before the comic burns away completely, Pinkie reaches a hoof into the second dimension and pulls out an emergency set of teeth. She puts them into her mouth and they fit perfectly. Deadpool cries a little because his favorite swords got broken. But he shakes the tears out of his eyes and throws a grenade.

Pinkie's mane whips out and curves the grenade's path. Her tail reaches off screen and pulls out her Party Cannon. She stuffs the grenade into the cannon before pressing the fire button. The pineapple spins around through the air before exploding in Deadpool's face. He falls backwards for a few seconds, then his head molds back together. It looks no worse for wear as he leaps up onto his feet.

"Did you forget about Marvel's obsession with giving its characters a healing factor? It's like every hero and their mother has a gosh-darned healing factor at this point." He shakes his head.

"Ugh, I know, right? So overdone." She rolls her eyes. "I'm glad I can put myself back together after being damaged, but does that really have to apply to everyone?"

"Thankfully, I can fix that problem for one of us." He pulls out a sword that looks like a metal that shouldn't exist. "It's slicing and dicing time!"

The screen switches to a view that shows everything as shadowy objects. It looks like the new sword slashes in a manner similar to that of a quick-slicing Raiden. Several pony parts fall to the ground, somewhat jumbled.

"Man, aren't you glad we don't take this encounter seriously all the time? It'd be boring if I kicked the snot out of this horse every time we met."

"Yeah, that wouldn't be very fun at all."

"Wait, your healing factor shouldn't be working anymore after I cut you with Carbonadium. How are you still talking?"

"Maybe it's because I rely on the power of cartoons, not science fiction. But more importantly, are you ready to face déjà vu all over again?"

It's at this point that Deadpool looks down at his hands. An outline of the sword pops in and out to signify that it's missing.

"Oh, what the heck?!"

Pinkie Pie jams the Carbonadium sword through Deadpool's heart and knocks him onto his back. She then proceeds to push the sword upwards, cutting through his neck and skull as well. All the mercenary's mouth can manage is a bit of gargling before it can no longer speak.

"Alright, Discord! Last round's all you!"

Discord: 2

Bill Cipher: 2

"Hah! That pink toy pony actually thinks you have a chance of vanquishing me one-on-one?" A bunch of Google search images flash in the white of Bill Cipher's eye. "I'm about to show you the wrath of the Weird-mageddon!"

"I'm-a let you get right to that." Discord holds up a talon. "But first, I have a question for you."

"Oh yeah?" Bill puts his hands on his nonexistent hips. "And what's that?"

"Catch!" The draconequus tosses what appears to be a typical, anatomical collection of gray matter.

Cipher grabs hold of the brain. "That's not a question."

Discord snaps his lion claws. Suddenly, a vacuum cleaner opens in the brain and sucks really hard. The living triangle screams as his entire being is sucked into the brain. Discord snaps again and the brain floats into the cranium of a draconequus clone.

"Bye, William Decipher! Don't forget to write!" He snaps once more.

The clone, its brain, and all of the contents therein vanish from existence. There's a brief, static-y scream in Bill's voice before being immediately silenced. The universe exhales, as if sighing in relief.

"Well, time to get back to the cucumber sandwiches." He slides his front limbs against each other to wipe off the dust.

Apocalyptic K.O.!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

What the...? But he... and they... but then... you... what the hell...

Well, I mean... that's about as much sense as anyone could possibly make when it comes to rule breakers on this scale. Both Discord and Bill Cipher's powers are seemingly limited only by what they imagine, and that's far beyond the scale that any mortal man was ever meant to comprehend.

Ugh, I think my head hurts. Give me a minute, W while you try to explain the in-explainable.

I'll certainly try. When it comes to beings that have powers that are only limited by whatever emotional state they're in, a calmer head usually wins out in terms of planning, scheming, and manipulation. While Bill is bound to go into blind rage by just about anything that displeases him, the only thing I know of that can really set Discord off is when Fluttershy is involved. Without her being there as a catalyst, Discord can keep a calm and collected, if somewhat twisted, perspective on whatever happens around him.

Plus, even if you tried separating body parts from him like his eyes, he can instantly reappear fully attached to whatever body part was displaced.

Then comes the matter of their specific weaknesses. Both are very specific and require conditions to be just right. While Tirek was able to trick Discord, it was through the promise of freedom and mutual partnership. Sure, Bill has tricked victims in the past, but once he got a physical body, he didn't care about the trust of other people or powerful beings. He was just fine being a prick to everyone. Discord can only be beaten through the power of friendship, trust, or Fluttershy. Bill can only be defeated by being trapped in somebody's mind and then having that mind erased.

Which is more likely to happen: Bill suddenly giving up his wickedness to utilize harmony and friendship to overcome chaos, or Discord's fourth-wall breaking eventually figuring out how to trap Bill inside a mind and then erasing him?

In the end, only one form of nonsense makes an inkling of sense.

Unfortunately for Bill, this fight really sucked out his brains.

The winner is Discord.

Yes! Ha ha! In your face, director!

A/N: Fine, enough already.

Discord snaps one more time before the chapter ends.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

...
I'm going to go take a nap. That was too much weird stuff for one day.

(Oh, no! It actually happened!)

Who Sends Babies to Fight?

Advisory: Please make sure "Formatting" is set to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.

We at the Poetic Frozen Wasteland do not condone child violence. We do, however, create simulated scenarios in which they appear to fight for your entertainment... you sickos. (Just kidding. We love you guys.)

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nickelodeon.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

The following has been considered unsuitable for those with stomach conditions, who are pregnant, or who may become pregnant. Please find suitable prepping conditions.

You know, as often as I fantasize about finally finishing my baby cannon, it brings a certain tear to my eye to watch the little suckers beat each other up for me.

The combatants of today will be taken from their strongest points, surprisingly before they were even a week old.

The first is Poof, a fairly odd baby.

And his opponent is Flurry Heart, the first known baby alicorn in the G4 pony cast.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Poof
-Species: Fairy
-Son of Cosmo and Wanda; god-brother to Timmy Turner
-Wears purple
-Capable of many magical feats, particularly transfiguration and flight
-Emotional states create magical phenomena: Happy - good things, crying - bad things, burp - lightning, hiccups - natural disasters, blows wind - "no telling what could happen"
-Gender: boy ('cause he likes water pistols)
-Likes saying his name all the time

Timmy Turner is an average 10-year-old that no one understands. He lives with his mother and father in a middle-class home and is constantly put under pressure by an inhumane baby-sitter.

But his life's crap is usually shot down by his magic little goldfish that are actually his fairy godparents... fairly odd godparents at that. They can grant just about any wish that he can come up with... unless it violates "Da Rulez"... which is constantly getting re-written for the show-writers' convenience.

It's just as well. No rulebook would ever be quite prepared for the day that Cosmo became pregnant.

... You mean Wanda, right?

Nope. It was Cosmo. Despite every biological sense of logic in existence, it was Cosmo.

But... how... why... I have so many questions!

*shivers* There are some things that we're better off knowing. But after a quick wish, the baby magically exited Cosmo's body and promptly said his first word: "Poof".

Meh... I give that name's origin story a solid 4 out of 10, marginally better than Venom's and Bane's origin stories.

Unfortunately, the happy day was cut short when a boring pixie and Cosmo's anti-fairy version broke onto the set and kidnapped the poor baby for their own evil magical schemes. Since fairy babies are only born once every 10,000 years, it was thought that this baby's magic could free all of the anti-fairies and take over Fairy World.

That sounds so stupid that it just loops right back around to being dumb. Still, being the product of a rare birth comes with a lot of weird perks. Whenever Poof feels happy, he makes good things happen like make it rain ice cream or turn a bunch of dangerous objects in the room into fluffy bunnies.

When Poof cries, bad things happen like fire or evil rabbits that can punch through walls.

Burping the kid somehow makes a random lightning bolt to strike down. And when he gets the hiccups, earthquakes and volcanoes shake within several miles.

But the most world-shattering event happens when Poof has extreme flatulence. The magical exhaust somehow causes the very fabric of reality to rip apart and sew itself back together in a number of different ways. Although the most recent case of that seemed to have put that world back together in a relatively normal state.

That's about the time that it was discovered what gender he was, through the power of a good old water pistol.

When he's not causing the world to distort around him, he can usually be found shaking his rattle around and changing the shape of every little thing in a small room.

Sorry, you wanted toast? He thought you said laptop computer!

As with normal babies, Poof is highly sensitive and emotional. Should even the slightest thing upset him, you know bad things are coming.

I'll just give him my old squirt gun. I don't use it anymore.

"Poof poof!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Flurry Heart
-Species: Alicorn pony
-Daughter of Princess Cadance and Prince-Captain Shining Armor; niece to Twilight Sparkle
-Wears a diaper
-Capable of many magical feats, including teleportation and flight
-Emotions can lead to other powers: Crying - supersonic sound waves, sneezing and/or laughing - beams that can incinerate walls
-Particularly fond of Pinkie Pie
-Hasn't quite said her first words (during the events of "The Crystalling")

Shortly after Princess Cadance and Shining Armor got married in Canterlot, the Crystal Empire returned to the middle of the Arctic North... along with its evil dictator: King Sombra.

Long story short, Spike the Dragon helped recover the magical mcguffin to wipe that black-and-red OC villain out of existence. In his place, Cadance and Armor were allowed to keep the peace and global warming strong over that city.

Sometime later, they had a child. To everyone's surprise, it was an alicorn baby. It was such as shock, that not even Princess Celestia or Luna could comprehend how this had happened.

Yeah, but when has being an expert ever been a problem when your whole job is exposition... W?

What are you talking about? You exposit about as many lines as I do, B.

Yeah, but at least it's funny when I do it!

Harsh. ... And if having wings, the horn, and extra strength wasn't surprising enough, the baby sneezed and created a hole in the ceiling... and the ceiling above that... and the ceiling above that one.

She can effing sneeze lasers from her head! Nerf her! OP! OP!

Oh, we haven't even begun. Turns out the alicorn baby had quite a few more tricks up her sleeve... or in her voice box actually. A single cry at resonant frequency shattered the Crystal Heart and nearly doomed the Crystal Empire to be frozen over in ice.

And it can teleport and it can fly?! That baby's a monster! ... Why am I suddenly okay with this?

What?

Those eyes... those big, pools of eyes...

B! *snap snap*

Huh, what?! Die you ex-wife vampire! ... Wait, W? Where are we? What was I... doing?

Anyway, after she was thankfully depowered through a crystal ceremony and the Heart was restored, Flurry Heart was given her name and remains under the watchful eye of Sunburst. However, for the sake of this battle, we will be temporarily giving her back her full potential.

What could possibly go wrong?

In lieu of a quote, Flurry Heart simply babbles while trying to look cute.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for the babies to knock each other senseless!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

We open up to a scene from "Relax-O-Vision". Upbeat and calming music plays to a background of flowers and trees. Wind blows ever so slightly to make it seem more alive. But alas, this serenity is broken what looks like a baby pony flying over eighty-eight miles per hour with her father in tow. Said father is screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Flurry Heart, wait!" Cadance calls as she tries to keep up via flight.

Their child, however, pays no mind to their worry. She squeals in delight and laughs at the feeling of racing around. She flaps her wings harder, slapping Shining Armor repeatedly in the face with feathers. He turns his head to the side to spit out the offending feathers before managing to look forward again. He resumes his screaming as Flurry Heart drags him into the Everfree Forest.

"Hold on..." The mother starts panting. Her wings look like they're struggling to keep up the pace now. "Just wait... I'll be... right there..." She exhales. "This is more than a two pony job. I'd better get Twilight."

Meanwhile, two fairies and their god-child are having a similar problem with their own baby. However, this little guy is somehow flying around while all three of them try to hold each other in a sort of chain-linked line. Of course, the weight seems next to useless in slowing this little boy's flight speed. Wanda yells, followed by Cosmo yelling, followed by Timmy Turner yelling.

"Hey! Did anyone else notice how we're in some strange forest that isn't on our maps?" Cosmo asks before resuming the yelling.

"Where is he taking us?!" exclaims Timmy.

"I don't know!" admits Wanda. "He's never done this before."

The babies and their respective handlers look like they're on a collision course. At the last second, both of the babies teleport away. Unfortunately, that leaves the remaining four sentient beings to slam into each other. Momentum is a bastard, this time especially. Unicorn, human, and fairy godparents lie on the ground with stars spinning around their heads.

Our camera zooms in on the old Castle of Two Sisters. The screen splits up to show two different hallways. The baby boy ends up floating through a hallway filled with pony-shaped armor. Meanwhile, the filly teleports in the hallway with unlit torches and a few creepy paintings.

"FIGHT!"

Poof giggles and shakes his rattle. Magical dust shimmers as the suits of armor change in a number of different ways. One stands on its hind leg and does a pirouette. Another suit assumes the pose of The Thinker. The next suit transforms into a bunny-rabbit's armor.

Flurry Heart chuckles as she flies through the other hallway. She points her head in various directions as giant beams of magic shoot out of it. Some of the beams burn away the creepy paintings, along with the space in the wall behind them. Other beams ignite the torches, and even turns one into a stick of dynamite, complete with a hissing fuse.

The laughter and shooting of unpredictable spells continues for a few seconds. Then, the two babies fly smack into each other. In shock, both of them collapse backwards onto the floor. Tears well up in the baby fairy's eyes. He immediately whines in sadness.

Four untouched suits of armor suddenly spring to life. Metal spikes grow out of random places and their colors change from purple to red. They march around and point their swords at the baby alicorn. Her giant eyes start to water at this fearful display. She lets out a huge cry, rippling through the air in loud, warbling waves.

The scary suits of armor shake in place. They start bending in ways that they most likely were not supposed to. Eventually, they crumple up into meshed up balls and cease moving altogether. Flurry takes a second to catch her little breath.

At this moment, Poof sees the crumpled piles of metal and plumes and smiles slightly. He giggles and waves his rattle. One pile turns into a stuffed monkey doll. The second turns into a potted cactus. The third turns into a purple balloon and floats away. He transforms the fourth pile into a pink rocking horse.

Flurry Heart catches sight of the rocking horse and immediately teleports on top of its head. She holds her wings open wide and babbles happily while standing on top. Poof floats around the pony and the makeshift steed. Each of the babies giggles in their own happy tone.

The camera zips over to the dynamite torch and watches it explode. Poof inhales a gasp and holds still in one spot in the air. He starts hiccuping multiple times. Flurry Heart can't help but laugh at the phenomenon and shoots a big beam that destroys the wall behind her.

*Meanwhile...*

The parent fairies, their god-child, and the unicorn stallion groan and stand up. They each let out a startled 'whoa' when the ground starts to shake under them. They turn to see a giant tidal wave appear approaching fast, even though they are clearly on dry land.

"Cosmo, Wanda, I wish-"

The 10-year-old is interrupted by a magenta dome surrounding the lot of them. The tsunami crashes down and rushes all around them, but the shield spell keeps them dry. Confused, the three look around to see the unicorn's horn glowing in a similar magenta coloration.

"Or... that works too," admits Timmy.

Shining Armor keeps holding the spell up, but he looks confused. "You sound familiar. Have we met before?"

Timmy's brow rises. "Doubtful. This is our first time out in a land where horses make their own magic."

"That is so weird," Shining mutters under his breath while waiting for the giant water wave to leave. "I'm sure I've heard that voice somewhere, but..."

Flurry starts tickling Poof with her giant feathers. His hiccuping fit fades and is replaced by a round of laughs. Confetti that smells like cupcakes starts raining in this hallway. It covers them in a huge pile of party paper.

A second later, the babies pop a view at the top of the pile. They shake themselves free and start spreading their respective limbs around, as if to make snow angels in the confetti. Their respective stomachs growl, and they shove some of the good-smelling confetti into their mouths. After swallowing, Poof lets out a loud belch.

A lightning bolt strikes right in front of Flurry Heart. Instinctively, her eyes open wide. After a bit of blinking to get her sight back, she unleashes a sneeze. A huge beam of magic blasts the entirety of the hallway, narrowly avoiding the baby fairy. In response to this sudden magic, he poots.

What follows next is difficult for me to describe. So many images and sounds don't make sense based on what passes the screen. The best it can be summed up is as follows: 1) Reality flushes itself into the void. 2) The void chews for a minute or so and spits everything back up. 3) Flurry Heart and Poof appear in the newly constructed hallway, sleeping next to each other.

"Shh... Babality."

At this point, two groups teleport in. Timmy, his god-parents, Twilight Sparkle, and her brother and sister-in-law look over and go "aww" at the cute little sleepers. Quietly and carefully, they grab hold of their respective magical baby and teleport out.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

I...I don't even...

Both baby characters at their prime are ridiculously overpowered. Each of which has the means to practically bend the world around them. Flurry Heart had the most destructive power while Poof had the most powerful re-creation magic at his disposal.

But, uh... I guess neither of them could access their full potential unless properly triggered to do so.

In other words, there was literally no way to say with pinpoint accuracy what would happen if these two were to ever compete in a battle scenario. It might be possible to discover what happens when they grow a bit older and discover their capabilities through control and training.

But right now, we'll have to put our conclusions... to rest.

This Death Battle is a draw.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

Any new information added from the end of FiM Season 6 and onward is absent from this chapter as I started writing this before I watched Season 7.

Side(?) Battle: Double Sun Power

Advisory: Please set your "Formatting" to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.

Well... I suppose this was going to happen eventually. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. Oh, and possible spoiler warning!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DC Comics.

Legends respected across realms...

Considered godlike among men, women, colts, and fillies...

They represent ideals, the best that we can strive for.

They walk the path of good even when all others abandon it.

Drawing power from the yellow sun...

... they bring light and hope to all.

Superman: The Man of Steel.

Celestia: The pony that brings the dawn.

To make sure that this battle is just a little bit more fair, we will be allowing both combatants to draw on their feats and abilities from their modern-day comics.

And because the comics are debatable when it comes to consistent continuity, the audience can decide if they want to read this as a main chapter or a side chapter.

He's W and I'm B...

She's N and I'm F...

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

TheMomentNo PonywasWaitingFor

SeasontheSixth

Comic Brawl

Written By: TundraStanza

Inspired By: ScrewAttack

Dedicated To: The few readers that keep checking this when a new battle comes out

Running Out Of: Things that really fit this bold setting while pretending that an epic orchestra is playing

Cue Transition Card In: 3...

2...

1...

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Superman
-AKA: Kal-El, Clark Kent
-Kryptonian
-Super fast, strong, flies, heat vision, frost breath, x-ray vision, can block telepathic attacks, last-ditch effort: "Supernova"
-Absorbs energy directly from a yellow sun/star
-Can process information like a supercomputer
-Brilliant disguise: a pair of glasses
-Primary weakness: Kryptonite
-Cannot resist magical damage

Born on a doomed planet, Dr. Jor-El sent his son Kal to Earth with the mission of protecting mankind.

He was adopted by the Kents, who called him Clark. And boy were they surprised when they found out he was an alien with superpowers!

Growing up, Clark had to overcome several of his self-created, mental barriers in order to unlock his powers and capabilities. He moved to Metropolis and worked as a reporter. While he showed his face as the caped crusader to fight crime and protect innocent lives from danger, he had the perfect disguise for his secret identity.

It's amazing what people will think about you when you pretend to be a wimp that needs glasses.

By drawing power from the yellow sun, Superman gains immense strength, speed, durability, and several other powers. His various visions allow him to see through objects or at a microscopic level. He can forcefully move objects back several miles or freeze them solid with a single breath.

He can fly and heal his own physical damage, with enough sunbathing. When he turns on his heat vision to full blast, he can scorch entire armies or even a planet.

He can hear sounds from really far away and through outer space, which is physically impossible for normal people. But Superman is anything but normal.

Yeah, I mean you're pretty extraordinary when you can pick up infinity pounds!

Um, but that's not-

Plus, he has been trained in the martial art of Torquasm Ro, to protect from mental attacks and even counterattack.

Despite how invincible he may be to most folks, he is specifically weak to a glowing green rock called Kryptonite. Also, his endurance doesn't really do jack squat against magic... or writer's convenience... whichever comes first.

Still, there's a reason why he would win more battles than not. He is an ideal to aspire to be. He's practically a god trying to live among men, always trying to do the right thing... even at the cost of his own safety just to protect the people around him.

~Superman... Superman... this... is the theme... song to Superman...~

"Alright, have you had your fun? I would rather we not destroy the Earth a second time!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Celestia
-The eldest Princess of Equestria
-Alicorn pony
-Flies, teleport, strong, magic, can turn into fire, transfiguration spells, magic barrier, mind shield, dark magic
-Can absorb energy directly from the sun
-Has occasionally blundered for the sake of a writer's story
-Can singe a foe in one magic blast
-Primary weakness: Destiny
-Hosts her own comedy show

In the magical land of Equestria dominated by ponies, Celestia and Luna rule as the princesses of day and night.

At least until somebody started injecting new alicorns in almost every season, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

As an alicorn pony, Celestia has access to the inherent magical abilities of all three pony kinds. Her earth pony blood allows her to crack and shake the ground with her hooves. Her pegasus trait allows her to fly over long distances with her wings. And her unicorn trait gives her access to a large pool of magic and the abilities therein.

Unlike the show that keeps trying to downplay the capabilities of all the alicorns for the sake of making sure stories can happen, the comic books seem all too happy to show us just how powerful an alicorn princess can be.

Celestia has learned some of the most advanced spells any unicorn can possibly master, such as teleportation, magic beams, and levitation. Her levitation is strong enough to keep both sun and moon in regular cycles, which she managed to do for over a thousand years while her sister was temporarily trapped in the moon itself.

I've been trapped in moons before... if you catch my drift.

Focus, gutter-brain. Celestia has a few different shield spells which can protect herself and others from physical harm, and mental attacks. The mind control she was able to hold off happened to be Nightmare Moon's attempts. Certain instances have shown Celestia performing transfiguration magic on other targets, wielding dark magic without experiencing severe pain, and absorbing energy from the very sun itself.

Celestia's magic is so powerful in the comics, that there was one time where she had a rematch with Chrysalis and scorched the changeling queen and a good portion of the drones along with her. Plus, she can turn her entire body into fire. That's right, Celestia can become a living flame! Wonder if she ever ate at the same fruit bar as Portgas D. Ace?

Still, all of the magic in Equestria doesn't make her flawless. There have been more than a few times where the comics were written so that she could be captured or defeated so that other heroes could stand in her stead.

These defeats include, but aren't limited to, plants of a deer king, Discord's antics, and a weird romance with a mirror-verse Sombra that was somehow good in a universe where the princesses were evil and ruthless.

Yeah... it turns out that crossing to a different universe several times over inadvertently connected them so closely that the real Celestia nearly got beaten to a pulp when the mirror-verse Luna physically assaulted mirror-verse Celestia. We do realize how complicated these adventures get, even if magic is the only way to explain away some of the things.

Still, at least the comic writers are willing to let Celestia shine in ways that the show may never permit itself to do. Perhaps now, she has a chance to even her odds against her opponent.

"So you have an overachieving student. Sound familiar?"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a...

Comic Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Sunlight shines brightly upon a large layer of clouds. A few cartoon ducks poke their heads out of one of the clouds before flying off to some pond on the ground. Elsewhere at this high altitude, two figures are sunbathing while upright. A man dressed in blue tights and a red cape does so while floating. The other is a white-winged alicorn pony while simply standing on a cloud.

"Let me guess," says the man without moving. "Your people wanted you to prove your strength and chose me as your opponent."

The pony simply nods while continuing to bask. "Yours as well?"

"Yep." He crosses his arms and sighs. "You ready to give them results?"

"I suppose I must." Her horn lights up and the sun instantly shifts to a high noon position in the sky.

He holds his arms to his sides as he flies a little higher. She flaps her wings and approaches the same elevation. As the camera goes to split-screen on their faces, they each take in one more dose of Vitamin D before looking at each other with serious eyes. Out to full-screen mode again, he is on the left while she is on the right of the picture.

"FIGHT!"

Superman flies forward, creating a sonic boom behind him. Celestia forms a translucent, golden sphere around herself. The Kryptonian pulls his right fist back a split-second before he jabs the sphere. Said sphere and its occupant are sent flying backward. Superman rushes after it while holding his left fist back. He performs a mirror image of his first attack, jabbing with his left hand this time.

Despite her two forced pushes backward, the Equestrian breathes evenly. In a blur, Superman appears a ways ahead of the sphere and slams both of his fists downward. The impact sends the magic sphere down below the cloud layer. At the same time, Celestia's horn glows a bit brighter. Grunting in confusion, Superman is surprised to find something pulling him downward at the same rate as his opponent.

Celestia lands on the ground on all four hooves, making cracks in the rocky earth. Superman lands nearby with one fist in front of his bent knee. It is the sometimes criticized 'hero jump' that looks like it would shatter more than a normal man's legs. However, this is no normal man and it looks like the ground suffers the gist of the damage. He stands up and looks at his current target.

His eyes glow red. As he jerks his head forward slightly, a big blast of heat is unleashed in a concentrated diameter. The princess's horn glows yellow. She does a similar motion with her head, but the beam is golden-white and rushes in the opposite direction of the red vision. Heat meets magic and they press against each other for a couple seconds. Then, they explode the ground between the two.

Superman rushes forth physically and unleashes a big breath. It is expelled as what appears to be a bluish-white gale. Icicles start forming all over the alicorn's body. She grunts a bit before her eyes glow completely white. A spark ignites from her tail before it looks like the rest of her body is covered in a blaze of fire.

With a battle-cry, Kal-El takes another swing at punching the pony. However, there's no sound of impact as his hand goes right through the fire. Confused, he watches as the spot where he punched through returns to its reddish-white blazing self. He punches the living fire a few more times, but it ultimately results in the same thing.

Celestia the fire turns around and bucks Superman. In addition to sending him sliding along the ground, it leaves a couple of burning spots on either side of his "S" symbol. He tries patting the spots with his hands, but that just sets his hands on fire. He tries blowing out the flames on his chest, but they end up spreading further along his costume and skin.

"These are... magic flames!" His eyes open wide as he runs up to Celestia. "Let's see if it can stand up to this!"

Something within Superman sends a warm glow to the rest of his body. A bright yellow burst of energy flows out of him. He yells to the heavens as his contained solar energy goes out in every direction that he can muster. The pony-shaped fire leans back really far before fading from the audience's sight.

The camera zooms out to see a large section of the planet. A giant yellow explosion can be seen, scattering the nearby clouds and a lot of debris. We get to zoom back in as the dust clouds clear and we see a battered Superman at the bottom of a crater.

...

Drained, Kal-El picks himself off the ground. His breathing is heavy. His suit is in tatters and is barely holding enough to give him modesty. He takes broad looks toward either side of him. The camera follows his line of sight, seeing no opponent.

A panned look at him head-on reveals an alicorn standing behind him. She seems to be drawing a line of magic straight from the sun and channeling it into her horn.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Her golden glow surrounds Superman's head. It snaps at eighty degrees too far in a single turn. He collapses onto the dirt, his eyes are blank and his breathing ceases. Celestia levitates the deceased body and flies out of the camera's sight.

"K.O.!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

No... no, no, no... no, no, no, no, a million *eff* times no!

Suck it, Jabroni!

I'm not a brony! You're the pony!

I gotta say... I'm a bit skeptical of this result. Are you positive we didn't overlook anything? How could Superman... the Superman... lose in a conceivable fight to the death against anyone that isn't Doomsday?

It's actually your own fault. It's precisely because we looked at everything that we found evidence to prove that Superman is not unbeatable by other beings that are pure of heart.

Celestia lost to a freaking changeling queen, was powerless against a draconequus, and got sent to the TV-Y version of Hell by an effin' centaur!

We could turn that childish argument right around by saying that Superman lost rounds to the likes of Shazam, Darkseid, and even Batman. You know, the hero that doesn't have any super powers?

But we can take it a few steps further. In comic realm, Princess Celestia battled the changeling queen again, and roasted her alive. She held off Nightmare Moon's dream invasion magic with a mind-protection spell... giving her a means to counter Superman's own mental attacks... and she can teleport instantly, which is faster than any multiples of light-speed that Superman could travel.

But she doesn't have any Kryptonite! There's no other weakness that Superman has that could be exploited.

Heh heh heh. Don't you get tired of being wrong?

Oh no... you don't mean...

~Magic, magic, oo-oo, magic, magic...~

It's true. Celestia has an ample supply of one type of versatile ammunition that Superman has never been able to repel completely: magic. She had beams, fire, transfiguration, hardcore levitation that enabled her to move both moon and sun for a thousand years, and even a bit of dark magic in a pinch.

Plus, Superman's virtually limitless power from the sun wouldn't be able to stop Celestia from drawing her own power from the sun. So their nearly infinite power gathering would essentially cancel each other out. But while using his ultimate Supernova move would drain Superman of all his powers for a whole day, using all of her power at once would not stop Celestia from gathering more power from sunlight.

But has Celestia ever lifted Eternity and Infinity?

No, but neither has Superman. If you two had actually taken a look at those comics you drew your information from in full, you'd realize that the 'Book of Infinite Pages' is a gross overestimation. Superman actually saw the last page in the book, but could not comprehend it. Additionally, even the combined might of Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern together could not lift Spector, the guy made of 'eternity', at all.

I... I don't believe it. You mean... even the mightiest hero in all of our childhood history... couldn't beat one pony?

Don't be too discouraged. There are small percentages of possibilities that could have worked. In a battle of raw physical strength, Superman would actually stand a chance. But, uh... Celestia's not exactly reliant on just her bare hooves. She adds magic on top of it. Again, magic is something Superman can't overcome on his own.

If Superman had used his power that could reverse time, he might have been able to fight the battle with knowledge he didn't know beforehand. But then... Celestia could just as easily have used her magic to cross dimensions and fight a different Superman. So really, that isn't a steadfast solution for Superman to claim victory.

I was fully prepared to accept that Supes sucks as a character in comparison to other fictional beings, but a loser in combat? That's just... ugh! Lines have been crossed, you know?

Hey, this is just a simulated battle, if it'll make you feel any happier. Your Superman isn't really dead, okay? Just take a chill pill, take a breath, and have a smoke and/or drinking break. That always calms me down.

*sniff* Yeah... a bucket of beer sounds freaking therapeutic right about now.

I guess we can just be glad that we have these characters to look out for the well-being of the rest of us at all.

You can say Celestia shed some light on the subject.

The winner is Princess Celestia.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

But here's HISHE...

*Fast Forward sound effect*

In a rather unfashionable art style, Superman and Celestia look at each other. He puts his hands on his sides and calmly watches. She charges up a spell and fires a bolt point-blank.

"And... dodge!" Superman instantly zips to one side.

"Wait, what?" Celestia asks. "How is that possible?"

Superman lifts a brow. " 'Cause I'm faster than a speeding bullet."

"Oh..." Her mane stops flowing.

"I win!" yells Superman as he flies over and uppercuts his opponent.

Happy now, other side?

Meanwhile, in a cafe of the same art style as the hypothetical end result...

Superman and Batman each take a sip from their coffee. Their guest of the day sits against the back of the booth seat. She's currently giggling while levitating her own cup.

"So, wait... you actually think that's how it would happen?" Celestia gives Superman an incredulous look.

"It totally would." Supes briefly points an index finger before returning the grip around the cup handle.

"How would that even come about, though?" She takes a quick sip from her drink. "Both of us just want to protect our respective people. If anything, we'd probably cooperate to ensure that kind of peace."

The S-man gives a slight nod. "Okay. But maybe... if you find yourself in a situation where... your planet in all of its magic is suddenly warped over to take up the space of ours by a force you couldn't control. Then say, the only way to avoid completely losing our bodies, is by a one-way transformation."

Celestia does a spit-take all over Batman's face. She then proceeds to laugh like she does at one of Discord's comedy shows. Additionally, she bangs a front hoof against the table repeatedly.

"Oh my Thiessen!" She hollers between laughs. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Batman activates a gadget in his belt that quickly wipes his face dry. "You got to admit, Clark. That did sound kind of stupid."

Superman sighs. "Look, the point is I'd win if we ever came to blows... or punches... or laser beams."

Celestia wipes away a tear due to laughter. "Ha... come on. My whole existence is practically made of one of your weaknesses. I might feel pain, but magic would win in the end."

Batman clears his throat. "But you know, I'd totally kick both of your rear ends in a real fight. Do you wanna know why?"

Superman facepalms. "Because you're-"

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"

Celestia rubs a hoof under her muzzle. "You know, Kal and I were talking earlier and he said that I should ask you for more details regarding a different matter."

Batman sits back a bit. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

The princess looks genuinely curious. "Who is Martha?"

A few things happen simultaneously. Batman gasps and his eyes become as wide as saucers. He drops his coffee cup and the broken pieces scatter all over the floor. Superman slaps his knees while laughing up a storm... that just so happens to be taking place on the other side of the world in the oceanic area just north of Australia.

"Why did you say that name?!" cries Batman.

Celestia blinks, not comprehending the situation. She turns to look at the laughing Superman. She lifts a brow and looks at him with the stoic nature of a disbelieving mother.

"Oh my gosh!" Superman keeps laughing. "I can't believe I actually got her to say it. This is the greatest day ever!"

Liquid drips down the exposed part of Batman's face. "Not cool, man. Not cool."

Celestia scratches her flowing mane. "Yeah... I'll come back when there's less of... whatever this is." Her horn glows brightly and she teleports elsewhere with a 'pop'.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

I think I might have gotten carried away. :twilightsheepish:

Lightning Round: The Facades We Wear

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.
Although... that might not necessarily apply here. Up to you.

This probably wasn't exactly what you asked for, but I wanted to do something in this way.

Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

*Tick-tock* *Tick-tock*

Burst Lightning Round

Here, we skip the analysis and go straight for the fights.

Two fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Pinkamena vs. Joker---

(Friendship is Magic vs. Persona 5)

It's another party, successfully put together at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie zips around the place from guest to guest, making sure every pony in the building is having a good time. She refills a few cups of punch here, adds an extra cupcake to a plate there, and makes silly faces for some of the younger attendees.

What none of the guests seem to notice are the drips of sweat building up underneath Pinkie's mane. Every so often, she gasps on her dry throat. Even a sip of punch seems to do nothing to ease her pain, but she refuses to show anything but her happiest face that she can muster.

Off to the side, a particular guest presses a finger against his glasses. A black cat with bright blue eyes meows, while facing the boy's ear. But it hides back in his bag after he nods. He pulls out his phone and taps a glowing red eye app. The scene around and all the guests appear to vanish as reality is washed over with ripples of red.

The young man has a new outfit on. His clothes consist of a trench coat, red gloves, and a white mask over his eyes. He puts his hands in his coat pockets and casually walks over to the other side of the empty bakery. The far wall looks twisted in on itself as it surrounds a particular pony. Bits of red and black shade seem to be rising out of the ground from underneath her hooves.

Her glowing yellow eyes stare at the floor. "It doesn't matter if I'm not happy. I'll make myself suffer as much as I have to if it'll make all of them cheer up."

The boy holds out his right glove. "It doesn't sound like you believe yourself."

"What? Who are you?" Shadow Pinkie crouches. "Get away from me! You'll make everypony sad if you try anything!"

The bubbling shade engulfs the visage of Pinkie. It looks like she's turning into a liquid inside and out. When the particles recede back to mostly underneath her, she looks a lot different. Her mane is straight and down, her hide is all faded, and she has sky blue eyes looking in different directions. Her smile looks like it is in pain and deranged.

The masked kid pulls a knife out of his inventory and stands ready.

It's time to get serious!

Engage!

"Joker, I'm not picking up a weakness," comments Morgana in his Metaverse form. "You'll have to hit it with everything."

"Oh, what's this?" Pinkamena's eyes dart around. The pony's other self somehow grabs hold of the talk bubble with Morgana's image still talking inside of it.

"H-Hey, what the...?!" Morgana can't even finish his thought as he gets shaken off the screen.

"Hmm..." She looks through Joker's analysis. "LV 99? Ha ha ha, naughty boy. Tell me, masked phantom... how many execution points did you need to get so high and violent?"

Joker senses a murderous intent. He jumps up just in time for a row of giant knives to rise up out of the floor. They fall just a second before he lands on the ground. Pinkamena holds out a hoof and summons another row of knives. They rush ahead, forcing Joker to dodge left and right.

Pinkamena pulls out something that looks like Pinkie Pie's party cannon. But instead of releasing confetti, it releases a big laser blast. Joker rips off his mask, unleashing blood and blue fires. His Persona Arsene appears and shields his human self, using his black-feathered wings. The cannon blast dissipates, though not before Arsene lets out a groan from the effort.

"By the way..." Pinkamena shrugs her shoulders and raises her front hooves. "If you think I'm just going to rip off Pinkielovania... just how limited do you think I am?"

Joker subtly switches the mask on his face before ripping it off again. "Seth!"

A dark-colored wyvern emerges and flaps its wings hard. This creates a tornado that swirls around Pinkamena's current location. She appears to spin around in the direction of the high-powered winds. She doesn't lose her deranged smile and unblinking eyes.

The Shadow pony's next attack composes of birthday candles spinning around the room. They close in and ignite, just before jabbing Joker's position. The Phantom Thief pulls out a small gun and fires multiple times while turning clockwise. Each shot somehow blows out one of the candles. But the last candle is a trick candle and burns against his coat anyway.

He grunts at the light damage he takes. He switches masks again. "Odin!"

This Persona takes the form of a purple giant in light, gladiator attire. It holds its giant spear in front of itself. Upon doing so, Joker's eyes look more focused... concentrating on something. Pinkamena attempts to break this little staring contest by conjuring some more confetti cannons. Smaller laser blasts pepper the field, as Joker does his best to dodge around all of them.

"Metatron!"

Joker conjures forth a Persona of large, angelic stature. This being holds out its hand and conjures some kind of nuclear blast right at Pinkamena's trunk area. She lets out a slight holler of discomfort and leans back. Joker uses this opportunity to activate a skill that creates a light aura of green around and above him.

Pinkamena recovers her deranged sitting position and holds up a hoof. A bunch of different saw blades come out of nowhere and float in her enemy's direction. Joker jumps over one bone saw and ducks under a spinning blade saw. He then backflips through the narrow yet safe space between two incoming hack saws. He runs forth and tries slashing his own knife weapon at her. She jumps up and hangs in the air, dodging the swing of Joker's arm. A large candle appears out of nowhere and knocks Joker back.

"Time to die!"

The Shadow enemy pulls out an enormous scythe and lifts it high. It looks as big as half of a high-definition, plasma screen television. She swings the weapon with sound cracking behind its motion.

"Izanagi Picaro!" Joker pulls off his mask again. "Cross... Slash!"

The sound of metal clangs against a dark screen. When the picture comes back, it reveals a tall swordsman in a black-and-red plaid outfit. Its giant blade is holding back the scythe. Pinkamena tries to pull back and slash from multiple directions. The Persona, however, slashes in opposite paths every time. Sparks fly each time the weapons collide.

A skeletal pony appears above Pinkamena's head. Upon its arrival, several bones of varying colors form a wall that practically fills the room. They all charge toward Joker's position. He pulls out his gun and pulls the trigger several times. Some of the bones crack and deteriorate, but there's still a formidable wall approaching. Grunting, Joker changes his mask again.

"Thanatos Picaro!"

When the mask is pulled, a monstrosity appears with what look like giant coffins strung to its back. Its front limbs look like they are adorned with black and red gloves. Each 'hand' carries a giant sewing needle. Thanatos Picaro jumps into the wall of bones and swings its needles everywhere. Every swing crushes some more bones of the wall. Within twenty seconds, the entire wall is crumbling to dust. A few broken blue bones still hit Joker in the arms, but he's still standing.

Pinkamena pulls out several party cannons and triggers them one after the other. Joker flips around, spins, and jumps to avoid the first three cannon blasts. However, the large number that is left starts to overwhelm him. Laser after laser gets a graze on him. The screen goes completely white.

Joker pants for breath. The image comes back to reveal him crouched on the ground. His Persona Arsene is back, floating above him. It looks like smoke is coming out of it at the claws, arms, and wings.

It appears that Pinkie's other self is also having trouble keeping her breath calm. Sweat drips down from her mane, even as she tries to hold her eerie smile. If there were music going on, it would be quieting down to match the current situation.

"Why? Why do you refuse to die? Do you want me to spread my misery?"

The Phantom Thief stands to his feet and looks at her. "You don't have to shackle yourself to two extremes."

"What?"

"The ability to feel more than one emotion is a strength." His mask reforms over his face. "If you need to, start out small and show your unhappy self to a few people at a time. Once you start that, more will be willing to help cheer you up, just as much as you do for others."

She sounds like she's chuckling. But that quickly breaks down into crying, with water streaming down from her eyes and the corners of her mouth descending. Light particles surround the other Pinkie and she vanishes from this world of thought. A small sphere of light floats where she used to be. Joker sweeps his arm around and grabs the light's contents.

He turns around to leave, and the world's red waves bring back reality.

Back in the real Sugarcube Corner and its current party, Pinkie Pie steps into the kitchen. She seems a little more... solemn. Mr. Cake stops what he's doing and trots over. He looks like he's about to ask what's wrong, but Pinkie throws herself against his shoulder. She cries. Unsure of the specifics, Mr. Cake gently hugs her and closes his eyes.

On the other side of the kitchen, the boy with glasses puts on an apron. From his pocket, he pulls out Pinkie Pie's recipe for the "Sampler Platter" and gets to work.

On the victor's pedestal, Joker adjusts the sleeves over his red gloves and grins smugly at the camera.

This Lightning Round's winner is... Akira Kurusu!

Author's Note

I guess I'm submitting this on the tail-end of the Persona craze that's been taking gaming channels as of late. Oh well. It still felt right.

Study Hard, Study Often

Advisory: Please make sure your "Formatting" is set to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.

Intelligent minds are sometimes overlooked in favor of raw power. Those that are smart and wield power... they are the most dangerous to be reckoned with.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and J. K. Rowling.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

Hey, Twilight. What was the square root of that one number again?

Neeeeeeeerrrrrds!

Hey! That's... actually right on point. For today's combatants, we are pitting together two of the most studious individuals in their respective universes.

Hermione Granger from the school Hogwarts in the Harry Potter series.

And Moondancer, one of Twilight Sparkle's friends in Canterlot.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Hermione Granger
-Half "muggle" human, half wizard**
-High intelligence, knowledge, and study habits
-Was more concerned about being expelled than dying
-Examples of subjects of study: Charms, mythological creatures, defense against the dark arts, potions, Quidditch
-Spell repertoire: Wingardium Leviosa (levitation), Petrificus Totalus (petrification), Stupefy (stun), Ridiculous (make one very specific species change into a funny look), Occulus Repero (fix broken glass), Luminous Maxima (bright light), Immobulous (slows movement to a crawl), Destructo (destroy objects), a fire spell
-Magical output is less than a full-blooded wizard
-Once had a time necklace, but then never used it again

In a world occupied by the magical, the mysterious, and the mythological, it's difficult for anyone who is associated with the non-magical to make a life for themselves. Hermione Granger goes through such a struggle every school year. Being born from one parent who was a wizard and one who was not, she had no hope of ever becoming the strongest wizard in the Hogwarts school. Instead, she focused primarily on her academia, learning as much about magic and everything related to it as she could.

I think she got a little too obsessed with her school life. I mean, she was more concerned about getting caught breaking the rules and getting kicked out than she was of what should probably be the more obvious danger: getting killed by monster trees, spiders, an evil snake creature, dragons, aquatic monsters, and various incarnations of an evil wizard that kept trying to kill her best friend Harry Potter.

Maybe she was a little more confident than normal people because of how varied her magical knowledge was. While not the most powerful, her charms have a range of effects from levitation to petrification, from object destruction to creating fire, and even stopping multiple airborne critters at once.

She fixes Harry's glasses on a regular basis without any superglue, and she can create bright light to chase away shade-loving vine monsters that would otherwise strangle the most afraid individuals caught in their grasp. Also, she can cast a few of her spells non-verbally.

She has an encyclopedic knowledge on mythological creatures such as werewolves and ghosts. She knows how to make various potions straight by the book. She even had a device that helped her attend multiple classes on time and helped her close a loop in the timeline, though she seems to have since stopped using that amulet entirely.

Just because she's a spell-caster, doesn't mean she's afraid to throw a punch. And she really gets pissed when stuck-up snobs point out her mixed blood heritage.

However, her hyper focus on her studies has made her rather impatient with other people. This has caused her to make some mistakes when she would have otherwise had a point.

She also seems to have a really hard time deciding if she wants to get in the pants of Harry or Ron.

Ugh, B! Why did you have to bring that up?

Because if I didn't, somebody else would!

"If you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you figure out another way to get us killed... or worse, expelled."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Moondancer
-Unicorn
-High intelligence, hunger for knowledge, and studying
-Was more concerned about studying than making friends
-Examples of subjects of study: Magic, science, pottery, literature, social studies...
-Magic arsenal: Levitation, spell bubble cancel, Hayscartes' method (enter/exit a book), illumination
-Took a long time to realize that friendship is magic
-Oddly timed a party to the day Twilight Sparkle went off to save the world from Nightmare Moon

The School for Gifted Unicorns is considered one of the highest caliber in which fillies of Canterlot can learn and practice magical arts... and science. *growl*

W, what's wrong?

Science and magic are not interchangeable! Good night!

W slams the door on his way out.

Several minutes later...

Sorry, my cybernetic arm was getting twitchy. It's better now.

O...kay then. In addition for providing an academic resume for Equestria's future Princess of Magic, the school had another pony that was just as buried in the textbooks: Moondancer.

In addition to basic levitation and illumination, Moondancer has learned a counter-spell than can nearly instantly shut off long-term spells cast by other magic users.

Then, she really tried to break the ice with Twilight Sparkle by throwing a party, but the lavender nerd decided she had to go out and save the world instead. What a jerk, right?

B, that's a terrible way to simplify Twilight's first accomplishment in the ways of social interaction and simultaneously defeating a major villain.

I was *eff*ing kidding!

Feeling dejected, Moondancer shrunk back into her metaphorical shell and spent most of her life between her house and the library. She sank herself into studying everything she possibly could and kept shrugging off the other ponies that considered her to be a friend.

She went through books like I go through beers.

Then you have a serious drinking problem.

Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!

Sometime after the first hiccup in a completely unrelated unicorn's evil plan-

Starlight Glimmer hides behind a menu.

Twilight returned to Canterlot to try and reconnect with Moondancer. At first, Moondancer wanted nothing to do with the pony that left her. However, after offering to teach Moondancer a spell that allows her to actually enter a book, offering her old personal library, and allowing Moondancer to vent her frustrations at a re-do party, Twilight finally convinced her to give friendship yet another chance. Fences were amended, and Moondancer opened up to her old companions.

That's great and all, but what does any of this have to do with kicking somebody's butt in a fight?

Moondancer's ability to absorb information and re-apply it is similar to the rate that Twilight was capable of learning things. In theory, if their roles were reversed, it's possible that Moondancer could have become as strong and versatile in magic as Twilight is now.

So many what-ifs... it makes my head hurt just thinking about the possibilities.

"Look, I already told you! The last thing I need is a bunch of ridiculous friend-making keeping me from studying."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

The camera pans over a large shot of Canterlot City. After zooming in a few times, the visual finds a library and goes inside. A few ponies shush whoever is carrying the camera before resuming their reading. At one end, we find a yellow unicorn wearing a black wool sweater and a pair of glasses.

She magically scribbles a few things down with her quill pen. She then sets the quill down and shuts her current book. She levitates the book over to a shelf where it belongs and applies her magic to the next book that's a different color than its surrounding neighbors. But as she does so, a hand reaches out and grabs the same hardback.

This hand belongs to a girl with long hair that curls down either of her shoulders. She wears a uniform, unfamiliar to the pony. They glare at each other with squinted eyes. Other patrons of the library look at the two of them in horror. They quickly dash off the screen, leaving the place devoid of life save for the two combatants and the librarian.

"FIGHT!"

"Give me that book!" yells Moondancer as her horn glows brightly.

The book in Hermione's grasp glows in the same color. It jerks around in place, startling the girl. The book smacks her upside the head three times, forcing her to let go and tumble along the floor. Moondancer scoffs as she levitates the book within a hoof's reach. She adjusts her glasses while lifting her nose.

Hermione reaches into her pocket and pulls out a wand. She flicks it and a burst of magic erupts from the tip. The burst collides with the floating book, causing the spine to break and the pages to scatter. Moondancer gasps at such a lack of literary love. The unicorn growls, grabs a ladder with her magic, and chucks it.

The wizard ducks while performing a swish and flick with her wrist. The incoming ladder floats upward a few inches, passing harmlessly overhead. Hermione does three quick hammering motions with her wand, shooting spells at her opponent. Moondancer lights up her horn and shoots three small spells of her own. The airborne magical bursts collide with each other in the air, canceling each other out.

Moondancer gallops away around one side of the rows of books. Hermione runs after her, shoes echoing on the floor. Moondancer looks around frantically, for anything that might help her out. Books are pulled from their shelves by her magic and she speed-reads while galloping. Pages flip wildly before their respective book is tossed aside. One book smacks the incoming Hermione in the face, forcing her to halt for a moment to pull said book off and massage her head with the opposite hand.

As the camera turns back to the unicorn, she finds herself in front of a giant bookshelf labeled "Encyclopedia". She looks left and right, wondering what to do. After mulling it over for a second, she happily brightens up and her horn glows. The magic surrounds herself and one of the books on the shelf.

Hermione comes around the corner to find the Encyclopedia section. However, she doesn't see the unicorn anywhere. She raises her brow slightly and walks slowly past the shelf. A random book glows, shakes around, and flies at the back of her head. She whirls around to look, but there's no one there. She turns away slowly.

Another volume smacks Hermione in the ear. She grunts and stares at the bookshelf carefully. Her eyes scan the area top to bottom. A couple of the books on a middle shelf wobble slightly. The camera effect puts widescreen bars around Hermione's squint before immediately zooming out. She points her wand and fires a spell.

That entire shelf ignites in flames. Something sounds like Moondancer yelping before a unicorn literally jumps out of one of the shaking books. Her horn glows, pulling out almost the rest of the shelf's contents and throwing them outward. It looks like several flaming rectangles are closing in on Granger's position.

"Immobulus!"

A spell erupts from Hermione's wand. All of the flying, burning books slow down to the point where they're barely moving at all. Moondancer tries to cast another small blast at the widespread spell. Hermione uses this same time to run from her current position. By the time the immobilizing spell is canceled by Moondancer's blast, the burning books all end up hitting nothing but air... until they slam into the marble-tiled floor and fizzle out.

Hermione casts another spell that looks like it's growing out of her wand. The sound editor adds a flash bang grenade's explosion as light fills the screen. Moondancer grunts, covering her eyes with a hoof too late. After the light clears, she sets her hoof down and shakes her head. Her vision is a little blurry from the light blast.

"Occulus Destructo!" Hermione's spell flashes instantly without a visible path.

The lenses in Moondancer's glasses shatter and the transparent debris flies mostly into her eyes. She screams loudly, clawing fruitlessly with her hooves to get it out.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

The next spell freezes Moondancer up. She falls forward at a clunking angle.

"Wingardium Levi-o-sa!"

Hermione floats the statue-esque pony up a few feet.

"Stupefy!"

The petrified unicorn flies backward into a low-hanging light. Her spine cracks at a painful angle, and her neck snaps upon the quick stop. Moondancer's frozen, lifeless body falls to the floor.

Hermione picks up a book she was looking for and goes over to the front desk. The librarian, however, is shaking like a leaf and refuses to look at her. Hermione shrugs and flips open her book as she walks out the door.

"K.O.!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Dang, Granger! You're scary!

Hermione may not be a chosen hero, but she's far more knowledgeable and skilled than the average wizard at Hogwarts. Her options for both offensive and defensive spells are greatly varied compared to what Moondancer has available.

Even though she may have looked like Twilight Sparkle, Moondancer didn't have the years of friendship pumping that magic back through her to give her support. Sure, she can lift an entire alicorn over her head when she's pissed off, but she doesn't have any experience using lethal force.

In contrast, Hermione has been trained to duel before and her spell versatility allowed her to pull off plenty of tricks to catch other people off guard.

Moondancer's spells are best suited for a game of keep-away. Even the Haycartes' method of going in and out of books wouldn't provide much beyond avoiding attacks for a few seconds. But Hermione's fire spell could up and destroy any title the unicorn could try to escape into.

Plus, Hermione can fight up close and personal should her magic be unavailable, while Moondancer doesn't really have a method of getting around an enemy's ability to counter spells.

Moondancer lost by an eyeful.

The winner is Hermione Granger.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Next time on Death Battle...

A suit of armor clangs its boots against the ground. Shade hides the face from view. It lifts a glove. A glowing, blue projectile flies through the sky, narrowly missing the camera. A stream of seven colors races toward the armor.

Author's Note

Please forgive me for any misspelled Harry Potter spells. I was going mostly by ear.
**I've been informed that Hermione's parents are actually both "Muggles" who happen to be dentists. I apologize for the confusion.

Spear & Rainbow of Justice

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before continuing to read. Thank you.

They're ready to rumble and throw the first punch. The heroes will rise and suplex the baddies.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Toby Fox.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

Overwhelming power surges through them. Fight for what's right and all that.

The Action Girl takes the extreme opposite stance of a damsel in distress. She seeks action, danger, and isn't afraid to kick some tail.

Like Undyne, the hero of the underground monsters.

And Rainbow Dash, a hero among Equestria's ponies.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Undyne
-Captain of the monsters' Royal Guard
-Anthropomorphic fish
-Suplexes boulders just because she can
-Weapon of choice: magical spears
-Determination gives her a life beyond her standard HP
-The Undying: Her form during her last stand
-Tends to throw a "shield" spear to her opponent before she goes on the offensive

Trapped underground along with the rest of monster-kind, Undyne didn't get to see much of the surface-dwelling humans and their way of life.

The most exposure she got was the anime shows and comics that Dr. Alphys claimed were her "scientific research". Come on, even I know that's bull-spit. My gun-blade is way bigger than whatever the heck kind of skyscraper Undyne is bragging about.

*Ahem* One of the reasons Undyne started learning the ways of combat was because she wanted to beat King Asgore. During her first time against him, it didn't go too well for her. Being the soft-hearted creature that he was, Asgore offered to train Undyne until she got stronger. She accepted, and several rounds later, she finally managed to knock him onto his back.

And he just laughed it off. Man, what are goat-dads made of anyway?

In passing, Asgore mentioned a few words that made it sound like he blamed humans for the death of his son Asriel. Fueled by determination and a sense of vengeance, Undyne swore she would help Asgore find and kill any humans they came across. During her time serving as the king's royal guard, her strength and her heroism became legendary among the monsters.

What probably helped her reputation was the dark suit of armor she wears and the giant, flipping spears she throws just about everywhere!

These spears are magic in nature and there doesn't seem to be any given limit to how many Undyne can conjure or levitate at once. Though, she prefers to use a dozen or less during any standard attack.

These spears don't just hurt the body. They can pierce through your soul if you don't move the *eff* out of the way!

Despite her ruthless and aggressive approach of throwing spears in the general direction of any human she encounters, she carries her own sense of honor. At the beginning of an ordinary battle, she'll forcefully shove a green-magical spear into the possession of her opponent. This particular spear can act as a shield to protect the wielder from incoming projectiles that she throws at them.

When she gets tired of that, she can make the shield-like spear vanish just by flipping her own spear around. What's also kind of strange is how she takes time during the fight to suplex giant boulders, just because she can. Why doesn't she ever throw giant rocks at her enemies? For that matter, why does she always stay in one spot whenever more dangerous opponents reach out and attack her?

On a regular basis, she teaches an eager skeleton would-be guard some cooking lessons. Though, it's a wonder how her destructive approach to the vegetables, spaghetti noodles, and stove haven't led to more house fires. It's pretty lucky that it hasn't, considering her weakness to extremely hot and dry environments.

Plus, she never did quite figure out on her own that Alphys was completely lying about anime's legitimacy or lack thereof.

But underestimate Undyne at your own peril. Even if you somehow manage to bring her Hope down to nothing, she has a little secret that only the absolutely heartless ever lay eyes on.

Her final form: Undyne the Undying!

Even though monster bodies usually fade into dust mere seconds after they die, Undyne's is a little different. Somehow, her determination reconstructs her body into a fiercer, scarier, and faster attacker than before. While she still gives her opponent a shield-spear every now and again, her comfortable dozen spears can suddenly become as many as five dozen all flying for the enemy's soul at once.

Not to mention the number of spears that fly in from the opposite direction of where you think they're coming from.

Ah, yes. Undyne's yellow spears are tricky little devils that fly in from one direction but can quickly dart around the enemy to hit from the other side. A leftward spear hits from the right, a downward spear stings upward, and so forth.

And look at that eye! What keeps shooting out of it? Laser? Magic? A freaky light show just for effect?

Nobody knows for sure, but we do know one thing. Undyne won't give up until all of the monsters are free.

"Just what are humans made of anyway?!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Rainbow Dash
-One of the Wonderbolts' newest members
-Pegasus pony
-Pulls pranks to the nth degree
-Super fast flier and manipulator of weather
-Can get right back up after smashing through trees and rocks
-Sonic Rainboom: Ultimate display of breaking sound barriers, the visible light spectrum, and demolition
-Overconfidence has led to downfalls

Born and raised in Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash has always had a dream to be the best flier in Equestria. Her can-do attitude has inspired many around her and helped shy individuals come out of their emotional shells, if only a little. When she dropped out of Flight School, she moved to Ponyville and joined the weather team.

As a pegasus pony, Dash can manipulate the weather in all kinds of crazy ways. She can literally kick rain and lightning bolts out of clouds, spin around really fast to create tornadoes, and even punch a cloud out of existence.

She's strong enough to match earth ponies in strength and is fast enough to outpace sound several times over. Her fastest pace happens when she uses her signature move: the Sonic Rainboom. Once triggered, she can fly as fast as Mach 10 and somehow shatter the visible light spectrum in several directions.

The boom itself can shake mountains and shatter giant rocks. Now that's breaking news!

Rainbow has endurance far greater than any real-life pony. She can smash her head through trees, bushes, and even rocks and get right back up into the air.

Combining her speed with a karate kick somehow activates Minecraft-like physics, allowing her to knock wood from a tree trunk without disturbing the rest of the tree ("Sleepless in Ponyville").

Rainbow's big dream was to fly alongside her idols, the Wonderbolts. They're a flying team kind of like the Blue Angels. And after a few years of training, academy regiments, a history exam, and a certain Wonderbolt retiring to teaching, she finally achieved this dream.

While I personally find nothing wrong with acting like the cream of the crop, Dash often got in trouble for not acting as part of the team. One such stunt left her crashing so spectacularly that it splashed cotton candy everywhere.

When she isn't busy with Wonderbolts' work, Rainbow can often be found reading a book in the Daring Do series or pulling off pranks that make Pinkie Pie proud.

She also apparently made friends with Discord during a long weekend that Twilight Sparkle, along with the rest of the audience, missed. How did she go from this:

Rainbow barely escapes a blue Discord's hug. "I'm out of here!" She flies away.

... to this?

While standing next to Discord and waving, Rainbow says, "Hi, Twilight! Hi, Spike!"

We may never know, B. What we do know is that Rainbow's moments of loyalty stand out when they count, whether it's for Cloudsdale, Ponyville, Princess Celestia, or any of her friends.

Then there's the hidden egg-head side of this cool, blue flying horse.

Aside from her encyclopedic knowledge about everything and anything Daring Do related, she also has an uncanny ability to absorb information via multi-tasking while flying ("Testing... 1, 2, 3").

Maybe she isn't so much of an athlete after all.

*Rainbow Dash chuckles nervously.* "Okay, let's not get carried away."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

A lone pegasus pony is napping atop a cloud. The snoring that comes out of her muzzle sounds kind of like muffled neighs. A few birds tweet and chirp while flying by the pony's resting place. She blinks her eyes slowly and lifts her head to yawn. She looks around and down at the ground.

Something clambers down below. The pegasus grunts as a question mark appears over her head. The mark dissipates almost immediately. An armored figure that walks on two legs is making the disturbing racket with each step on the ground. Despite there being no surface for it to echo off, it sounds like heavy steps in a marble-tiled hallway. It would be impressive if it wasn't so annoying.

The figure stops walking for a moment and looks around itself. An armored hand reaches up and pulls off the helmet. The head underneath looks dark blue with red hair flowing back like a ponytail. There are frills on either side of the head. One eye looks like a black dot against a yellow iris. The other eye is covered in a black patch.

This scaled creature pulls out a bottle from within her possession. She cracks it open and splashes the water all over some gills on either side of her head. At this motion, the watching pegasus gasps quietly. She recalls seeing something like this creature before. It was in a book that her friend had showed her group before adventuring to another world.

"Siren!" The pegasus calls, punching through her cloud and racing down toward the fish-like monster.

"Huh? Shyren? Where?" The anthro fish looks around before spotting the shadow of something approaching.

The pegasus hovers about ten feet away. "So, you're back from that Canterlot High world to try and wreak havoc in Equestria? Not while I have anything to say about it!"

"What the hell are you on about?!" The fish monster looks at the pony like she's crazy. She conjures a blue spear and spins it around in her hand. "You trying to pick a fight with me?"

"I'll vanquish you before you get the chance to sing!" The pegasus punches her front hooves together.

"FIGHT!"

Undyne flips her spear around. In doing so, a straight line of green light appears and forces itself in the hold of Rainbow Dash's teeth. Dash grunts in confusion, trying to shake her head free of the obstruction. Yet it seems pretty stuck at this time.

"You're green now, punk!"

Upon this declaration, Undyne conjures three blue-highlighted spears and throws them straight ahead. Rainbow tries to fly out of the way, but only succeeds in spinning herself around. She braces for the impact with the spears coming at her face. The green spear in her mouth shines three times, practically dissolving the incoming attacks. Dash raises her brow.

The anthro fish finds a nearby boulder and suplexes it, just because she can. The pegasus uses this distraction to dive in and make a few passes against the warrior's spine. There are a few grunts of pain from the impact, yet this seems to make the fish lady smirk.

"Ngyah! Maybe this won't be so boring after all!"

Undyne conjures a few different spears from different directions. Rainbow's eyes dart around at the sudden whooshing noises. She turns to face the incoming spears. Her impromptu shield blocks two in front of herself, three to her right, two behind her, four to her left, and one last one in front. After the last small spear dissolves against the defense, Undyne flips her own personal spear around. The shield spear vanishes and Rainbow's mouth is free.

"What the-?"

Dash's eyes glance around at the ground. A dozen blue scattered dots are on the ground that weren't there before. These dots erupt into magical spears that quickly rise up out of the ground. The pegasus yelps and flies around, narrowly dodging each of the pointy weapons heading her way.

After that little distraction, Rainbow sets her sights on the crazy siren. She flies around in rapid circles, creating a huge tornado that spins the enemy around and around. While the fish is spinning, Dash speeds around for some more quick kicks and punts against various points of the armor and the exposed scales. Then, she delivers a finishing karate kick, sending the fish flying into the ground.

Undyne finds herself impacting the ground so hard that she spits up. It's difficult to tell if that's blood or bile coming out of her mouth. Either way, it isn't pretty as her vision starts shaking from all the rapid hits. Her good eye threatens to close itself due to the shakes. Rainbow crosses her hooves, turns around, and slowly flies away.

...

"No."

A singular word catches Rainbow Dash's attention. She turns around while hovering in place. She looks at the glowing white visage in confusion. Somehow, Undyne holds onto her spear even tighter than before.

"I reject this reality... and substitute my own! Ngaaaah!"

The glow becomes even brighter than before. Rainbow covers her eyes with a hoof. When she manages to look again, she gasps. Her eyes go wide. The creature that was Undyne is no more. In its place, sharper, sleeker, and darker armor is adorned with valentines at the wrists and on the breastplate. A glowing yellow twinkle is all that shows against a black eye.

A spear is pointed upward. "You're going to have to try a little harder than that!"

The wind howls loudly across this battlefield. It carries the scent of determined fish. Rainbow stares at The Undying... and The Undying stares back. She flips her spear around, conjuring a new green 'shield' spear in Rainbow's mouth. Dash lifts her brow, wondering why this same trick is being used again.

The Undying summons a few magical spears to attack from the front. Rainbow takes a quick look around... and notices that there are significantly more than twelve spears coming her way. Her eyes go wide. She does her best to spin around in the direction of the incoming spears. All of a sudden, a couple yellow ones disappear from where she was sure they were going... only to jab her in the back a couple times.

Luckily for Dash, the spears are magic in nature and quickly fade from their point of impact. However, the pain remains. The green spear gets stripped from her mouth and vanishes. Several spears surround and fly toward her current position. She flies down and around, clusters always colliding at epicenters and then scattering outward.

Rainbow flies around in several loops, trying to confuse her attacker. The Undying summons several from the ground and the sky to chase after her foe. A few of them narrowly slide past and pinch a few hairs off Rainbow's tail. She grits her teeth and flies down, gaining speed. She turns at a right angle, unleashing an exploding ring of colors.

The Undying slides back due to the Sonic Rainboom's force. She twirls the spear in her gloved hand, conjuring the shield-spear in her opponent's mouth again. Raising her other hand, she summons several yellow spears that fly toward the pony. Thinking quickly, Rainbow positions herself to face the opposite direction of where each of the yellow spears originate. The green magic does its thing and dissolves the tricky spears.

Rainbow spins herself around at her fastest speed, and manages to release the green spear from her mouth. She immediately kicks a nearby storm cloud with much force. The cloud unleashes a large lightning bolt that supercharges the green spear. The Undying holds up her own spear to defend, but the projectile has already reached her. The electricity spreads all over the armor and through the body, showing the audience a brief image of her skeleton under her scales and skin.

...

Both spears fall to the ground and the green one vanishes. "I don't believe it. Even all this... wasn't enough?"

Dash flutters to the ground slowly. She sets all four hooves down. She's panting and sweating.

"I... think I caught a glimpse of it..." Cracks form in random places along Undyne's armor. "In your eyes... those are the eyes of someone... who fights for their friends..."

The pegasus has no words to spit between breaths. Instead, she nods her head.

Undyne smiles as if nothing is wrong. "Let's meet again... in the next life."

Rainbow takes a seat right there. "Y-Yeah... I'll be waiting."

Undyne chuckles and closes her eye. "Punk."

The guard's body fades into dust on the wind. Her armor crumbles to the ground in a heap of pieces and debris.

K.O.!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

I'm no fish-frying expert, but that looks a little overdone.

At first, this seemed like a very close match. Both Rainbow Dash and Undyne can dish out the pain as well as take it. However, there are some advantages that push the battle in Rainbow's favor. While she's no Flash or Quicksilver, Rainbow Dash can consistently fly faster than sound itself. Meanwhile, Undyne's general travel speed is nowhere near that pace, especially when properly armored for combat. While her spears may easily overtake the dodging speed of your average human soul, they don't break as many sound barriers as Rainbow's casual flight speed.

And Undyne just stands there when she takes the pain! Sure, she can laugh off the first few hits, but that doesn't change the fact that it's damage. You'd think she'd keep at least one of her shield-spears for herself, not freely give her enemy a handicap.

Plus, Rainbow Dash's reaction time and reflexes are much greater during flight, as she processes what she sees in the sky and on the ground subconsciously. Undyne's hints of where the ground-bound spears are coming from would just make it easier for Rainbow Dash to anticipate something wrong with more than enough time to get out of the way.

That armor's not doing any favors against weather-based attacks either. If it can conduct the heat from nearby lava and cook her to the point of knocking her out, there is no way it's going to keep her safe from lightning strikes.

Against an aggressive foe like Rainbow, Undyne could potentially push her internal Determination far enough to transform into her Undying form, but even that's not quite enough to match Rainbow's speed. In fact, she's taking even more damage from every hit in her Undying form than she does in her default.

I think Undyne got the point. She just needs to dust herself off.

The winner is Rainbow Dash.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

"Ha ha, yeah!" The real Rainbow Dash pumps her hoof. "I kick tail!"

"Ngaaah." Undyne crosses her arms. She's wearing a plain black tank-top and blue jeans. "So your simulated self can beat me in a fight to the death. But there's one thing you'll never beat me at."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow raises her brow. "And what would that be?"

Undyne smirks. "Cooking."

Aw, horseapples. Does she know I'm a bad cook? Dash shakes her head out of negative thoughts. "Yeah right! I could totally win in a cooking contest! Any food, any way."

"Oh really, punk?" (I swear the air around her looks like it's on fire.) "Then let's go see if you can put your pans where your mouth is!"

"Bring it on, fish lady!"

They run over to Sugarcube Corner to begin their cooking contest. Faust help us all.
<To Be Continued...?---

Author's Note

I suppose if the demand is high enough, I could try to make at least a paragraph or two out of that "cooking contest" scenario in a future non-battle chapter. Though, I'm not promising anything.

Lightning Round: Two to Tango, Dragons & Darkness

I'd recommend switching "Formatting" from "Light" to "Dark" for best reading experience when different colored text shows up.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Tick-tok, tick-tok...

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are settled without an analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Twilight Sparkle & Spike vs. Corrin & Jakob---

(Friendship is Magic vs. Fire Emblem Fates)

The camera pans over a forest area. Sunlight cannot pierce the heavy foliage of the canopy. It is difficult to see the set of hoof prints left behind by a traveler. She trots while carrying a small passenger. Eventually, the pair reaches a circular clearing. Here, the audience can see the lavender alicorn and the young dragon.

A bluish glow appears on the other side of the clearing. Two figures emerge and set foot out of the glow. One is in a unique armor, yet barefoot. The other figure is in an elegant outfit of a butler. The butler sighs and mutters something to the other person. Despite the clearing's available light, it is difficult to determine the armored individual's eyes or hairstyle.

Everyone in the area suddenly stands alert as they notice the individuals in the opposite party. The screen splits to show all four of their faces, save for the indistinguishable person.

Live and let die!

Fight!

"You have my support." Jakob pulls out a dagger and follows Corrin as she runs.

Corrin jumps into the air and spins her Yato around. As she comes in close, Twilight Sparkle yelps and hops out of the way. Corrin's blade hits the ground and kicks up dirt. Jakob throws his dagger at the surprised alicorn. Spike takes a deep breath and expels a huge green flame at the incoming dagger.

Somewhere far away, Celestia looks confused as a dagger falls to the floor right in front of her.

Meanwhile, Corrin runs in for another swing of her sword. Twilight teleports out of the way, appearing behind the attacker. The Nohrian princess makes a confused mutter, just in time for a blast of magic to hit her in the back. Jakob runs forth, with another dagger being held over his head in a swift strike against the pony.

Spike jumps off Twilight's back and onto Jakob's face. As the dragon slashes his claws against Jakob's exposed skin, the butler grunts in pain and attempts to pull him off. Corrin sheathes her Yato and pulls out a shiny, blue stone. The stone's light surrounds her, and her body grows and twists. Twilight holds up a wing to cover her eyes from the expanding light.

When the light fades away, Twilight chances a peek. She gasps and her eyes go wide at the sight. Where there was a human, there now stands a large dragon with long limbs, wings, and horns. It roars and magically conjures a small whirlpool of water around itself. The large dragon reaches out a claw and pulls Spike off of Jakob's face.

The butler takes a few short breaths and composes himself. "Sorry to be a bother."

Twilight channels a short burst of dark magic and shoots a green and purple beam. It hits the large dragon's wrist, eliciting pain and forcing her to drop the younger dragon. Corrin growls while clenching her wrist with her other front limb. She stomps the ground and spins around, lashing out her tail in the process. The alicorn flaps her wings and flies just an inch out of the tail's reach.

Thinking quickly, Twilight flies straight up while Spike holds onto her. After gaining some altitude, she lifts her head and channels a large amount of magic into her horn. A light surrounds Corrin as she shifts back into human form. She holds up her sword Yato defensively. At that moment, Twilight unleashes a beam straight down upon the clearing.

"Well... how irksome," Jakob comments.

As Corrin braces for the inevitable impact, Jakob jumps over. He shoves her into some of the surrounding foliage. The beam hits the ground, and the light from the magenta explosion reaches most of the clearing.

Corrin manages to sit up, when she thinks she sees Jakob vanish. "No!"

In the sky, Twilight breathes heavily. Her fatigue affects her flight pattern as she slowly descends lower. Spike looks at her in concern. His eye glances down idly, when it suddenly opens wider. A silver and blue claw jerks up and grabs the alicorn out of the low sky.

With her Dragon Fang skill, Corrin slams Twilight into the ground. She follows up by spin-slashing her sword while her head resembles the face and horns of her dragon self. The head changes back to normal when her free arm twists and contorts into some hybrid cross between her dragon's front claws. The "hand" unleashes a fast-traveling orb of water, which then smacks the dazed Twilight squarely in the chest.

The alicorn is sent flying into a tree trunk and she falls to the ground, groaning. Spike lands on the ground, and he grits his fangs in determination and fury. He exhales a huge burst of orange fire. Corrin lets out a final yelp, as the overwhelming heat sends her falling onto her back. Her sword plants itself right next to her.

Spike gasps and turns around. "Twilight!"

"Spike?" Twilight murmurs as she pulls herself to her hooves. She holds a hoof up to her chest and grunts with one eye open.

The bruised Jakob pulls himself along the ground with one arm. His exhausted eyes stare ahead.

"You've let yourself get quite filthy, Master Corrin."

Corrin lets out an strained chuckle, before she falls unconscious.

K.O.!

This Lightning Round's winner is... Team Twilight Sparkle!

---Princess Luna & The Tantabus vs. Jackie Estacado & The Darkness---

(MLP:FiM vs. The Darkness)

What is a dream? Is it not the temporary reality for one to experience while a physical body takes refuge? And what is a world that is neither dark nor light? Or is it both bright as day and black as night? It doesn't matter, I suppose.

A pony of shady colors floats through this space, devoid of specific time. Similarly, a well-dressed man wanders around, muttering curse words under his breath. They halt in place and see each other as a potential threat. A light purple cloud dances out of the pony's chest piece. A couple of serpentine heads sprout out of the man's back and over his shoulders.

Let out your rage!

Begin!

Jackie Estacado pulls out a couple pistols and fires six shots from each. The Darkness hisses and growls as its essence seems to be tugged by these weapons. The Tantabus floats up and blocks the shots. It then surrounds Luna, drawing pained moans as it swirls around her, contorting her form. Eyes glow a piercing turquoise. Teeth sharpen into fangs as a maniacal laugh leaves her mouth. Nightmare Moon is the new challenger!

The newly altered alicorn fires a spiral of dark magic. It hits Jackie and he grunts as he slides back.

You are weak, Jackie.

"*Eff* off and heal me." Jackie spits to the side.

The Darkness's faces start eating the dark magic residue on Jackie's chest, practically breathing the black stuff in. He twirls his pistols and shoots some more Darkness bullets. Nightmare Moon and the Tantabus fly around in a zigzagging pattern. Missed shots bounce off the surrounding stalactites and stalagmites of charred rocks.

The Tantabus touches some of the rocks it passes. These stalactites grow into some unsteady golems that crawl after the enemy. Jackie steps back several paces while firing shots at the living rocks. The Darkness heads chip in by slashing golems that get too close. They also somehow find some fleshy tissue in the golems' chests and munch on that. Ew...

Nightmare Moon uses this distraction to fire a magic bolt at the ceiling. "Moon, shine down!"

Whether this is reality or a dream, the background picture shows a full moon. Its pale light shines into the rocky cave room. The dark serpent heads scream and hide.

Stay out of the light!

Jackie dives behind the shadow of a stalagmite and waits. He then pulls out a regular rifle and fires a few shots at some random lamp posts. The Darkness gathers a moment to breathe in some of the fresh shadows. One of its heads pulls out something from within itself that looks like a swirling vortex. It tosses this mini-vacuum up into the room.

The dark vacuum turns into a portable black hole. It sucks up a lot of the nearby rocks and debris. The Tantabus roars as it is also sucked into the black hole. Upon losing her dream partner, Nightmare Moon flashes and shrinks back down to default Luna. She flaps her wings hard to fight against the black hole's pull.

As soon as it appears, the black hole suddenly explodes. The blast releases all of its contents into random parts of the room. Jackie ducks to avoid getting hit. Luna isn't so lucky as she gets peppered by several pebbles at once. She doesn't even hear the flip of the man's pistol.

"Lights out, horse-face."

*Bang!*

The newly headless mare falls to the cave floor like a rag doll. The Tantabus forms into a semi-large alicorn shape and growls in intimidation. The Darkness is more than happy to chew up the cloud-like beast in its entirety. One of the heads even exhales a belch while using the other head as a napkin.

"Who were those two?"

Do you even care?

Jackie stows away his pistols. "No. I don't give a *ess*."

Kill out!

This Lightning Round's victory goes to... Jackie Estacado.

Next time on Death Battle...

A rumbling noise sounds like a cross between a yell and a roar. Two blazing fires clash in the center of the screen.

Author's Note

Properties belong to Hasbro, Intelligent Systems, Starbreeze Studios, and Digital Extremes.

Dragon: Lord Vs. Legend

Advisory: Please set your "Formatting" to "Dark" as certain bright colors are difficult to see on a "Light" background. Thank you.

Spoiler Alert! Hope you guys have watched through Season 7. That's exactly where some of the stats are coming from.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Insomniac Games, and Krome Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

~Drag! Drag! Dra-Dra-Dragon up!~

Dragons are legendary creatures, often depicted as spewing fire and other elements from their very mouths. Some are greedy, some hold immense power...

... and some just really want to compete with each other.

I present to you Cynder, from the Legend of Spyro!

Over here is Ember, from the... My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series. Can we switch intros?

Too late! We already called it.

Aw, dang it!

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Ember
-Titles: Princess Ember, Daughter of Torch, Lord of the Dragons
-Blue, Western variant of dragon with wings
-Occasional attire: bronze dragon armor
-Breath weapon: fire that can shatter rock
-Strong enough to crack the ground just by punching it or landing on it forcefully
-More intelligent than other dragons of her age
-Not so good at expressing her feelings

In all of the literature and history available to ponykind, very little has made mention of the dragons.

Well, considering the average adult dragon in that world has a jaw big enough that it could swallow a pony in one bite, I'm not surprised. Then again, it's also baffling as to how the heck they manage to find dragon eggs for unicorn school entrance exams without angry dragon-moms wrecking the place in retaliation.

Mysteries aside, there are apparently a few things that Celestia and Luna can explain. When a Dragon Lord of a nearby region summons younger dragons to crown a new Lord, they summon all potential candidates by making their scales glow and itch. Among the previous Dragon Lord's roster was his own daughter: Princess Ember.

Ember made it a point to remind those that cared to listen how different she was from your run-of-the-mill dragon. She thought plain, old greed and strength was overrated and wanted to raise to position a smart and cunning dragon... namely herself.

And so, after disobeying her father's orders and teaming up with a dragon that was friends with ponies, she won the Gauntlet of Fire. Well, technically Spike won, but then he gave the scepter over to her, but the point is she's the Dragon Lord now.

I don't know why she was so insistent that her strength is in her smarts. Her actual strength isn't anything to sneeze at. She can punch the ground so hard that it cracks, and she can lift a giant boulder like it's nothing more than a basketball.

Her scales are tough enough to resist heat and hold against claws of other teenage dragons. Additionally, her fire breath is strong enough to break solid stone into pebbles. Due to its pinkish coloration, her flame is comparable to burning lithium, an unstable alkali metal that reaches a gaseous state at over two thousand, four hundred degrees Fahrenheit!

Dang, she's hot! ... I mean, the fire is hot. Gosh darn it! Did I just become a scaley-furry?

Speaking of weird feelings, Ember isn't very good at communicating about her own. There are obvious hints that she'd like to have more friends, but her natural competitive nature makes that difficult to achieve. Fortunately, she gained life coaching from an unexpected source: the current leader of the reformed changelings. In exchange, she helped him learn to be more assertive and that in turn helped him deal with a rogue group of rebel changelings. But that's a story for another day.

Sometimes Ember wears a set of bronze armor, complete with a helmet that makes her look like a guy dragon. Yet, she can still fly around like the weight isn't there.

And after making her father see reason, she was granted the title of Lord of Dragons... for whatever that's worth. It's difficult to gauge how much authority she holds over dragons that ignore her rules just to be a nuisance... Garble.

Ah, give Ember a break. It's not like she can be everywhere at once, baka.

"Stop talking!"

The ruler Thorax sits there with his eyes wide open and blinks.

"That's how you do it."

"Whoa-ho-ho. I got chills."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Cynder
-Black and ruby, Western variant of dragon with wings
-Former tool of the fallen purple dragon Malefor
-Attire: Silver choker and bracelets
-Breath weapons: Fear, Shadow, Poison, Wind
-Melee combat: slightly swifter than Spyro, but slightly less powerful strikes
-Aether: breath can dismantle at the atomic level; drains mana more quickly than other breath weapons
-Hates being reminded of her dark past

According to prophecy, the purple dragons are the ones who will save the world from darkness.

But one of these purple dragons decided to be a jerk and bring about the end of times instead. Frigging Maleficent.

Malefor.

Same difference!

As part of his wicked scheme, he kidnapped a young female dragon and infused it with some of his negative energy. This somehow quickened the female's aging process to a much older dragon with power that could bring down other dragons with ease. Most of the land was lost to Cynder and the rest of Malefor's minions.

Then, a young purple dragon got a whiff of the real world, learned the four breath elements Avatar-style, and went on to defeat Cynder. I guess he hit her just the right way to revert her age back down to about the same as himself. Then they sort of... both got transported to the future? I'm not really sure how that all worked.

After popping in and out of Spyro's story for a while, she eventually ended up in a situation where she became magically chained to him for essentially eternity. Luckily, this chain was sort of a blessing in disguise, as it did not hinder her ability to fight using her claws and tail in rapid strikes, and it could be used in conjunction with Spyro as a sort of jumping assistant.

Her exposure with negative energy apparently gave her some fancy silver bracelets and a choker, as well as a set of powers unlike other dragons before her. Instead of the normal elements like fire, ice, and lighting, Cynder's breath weapons consist of fear, poison, wind, and shadow.

She also has access to Aether breath, an element that comes in both light and dark forms. Either way, she can use this to break apart rocks and enemies at the atomic level. The drawback is that it uses up her mana much more quickly than the rest of her elements.

She can either build up mana by waiting around for a long time, or by breaking open blue or rainbow-colored rocks. Hey, wasn't that the name of a movie?

Heck if I know. While she's fairly tough and has defeated many enemies both on her own and with Spyro, she is not invincible. Enough damage can bring her crashing to the ground.

Plus, she's got a bit of a sore spot regarding her past when she was being used as Malefor's tool. So, uh... try not to bring that up too much. Oh, and she's in love with Spyro. Not that there's anything that adds to her fighting capabilities. Just throwing it out there to be informative.

Spyro looks dejected. "I failed... How could I let this happen?

"Some things are beyond your control. You shouldn't blame yourself."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

A beautiful sunset is in the background of a small mountain range. In the foreground, a couple small quadruped dragons sit together and snuggle. He asks if she'll be okay in the events to come. He offers to help her like old times. She playfully accuses him of underestimating her capabilities. He chuckles, before giving her one last hug and nuzzle for luck.

Elsewhere, a blue bipedal dragon is adjusting some armor pieces. This armor covers her knees, her elbows, her tail, and her shoulders. Her claw passes by a scepter topped with a glowing ruby. However, she shakes her head before reaching across for a full-faced helmet.

The combatants spread their respective wings and fly toward a center point. It's a valley with grass, some pretty rock formations, and a small river flowing through. The dragons hover in the air. They eye their next target, each other, carefully.

"FIGHT!"

Both dragons fly toward each other with gusto. Their respective right claws scratch at each other upon contact. Cynder attempts to spin her advance around into a tail swing attack. This whacks the helmet off, revealing Ember's true face. Ember immediately uses both her claws to clench down on Cynder's tail.

Ember swings Cynder around in a few circles before throwing her away. Cynder ends up crashing through a rock pillar and into the hard wall just behind that. She shakes her head and pulls herself off the wall. Cynder dives down, then flies up quickly under Ember. She kicks Ember in the torso area. Ember hovers back a little from the impact.

Cynder follows up with some spinning air combos: Horizontally with her wings and tail, vertically with her horns and feet, and horizontally in the opposite direction with her claws and feet. Grunting, Ember regains her composure and grabs the front claws of her opponent. From a zoomed-out camera shot, a blue blob quickly pushes a black-and-magenta blob down into the water.

When the camera zooms back in, Ember takes a deep breath and half-yells, half-roars. She breaths out a huge plume of bright fire at her opponent. The heat boils the surrounding water, creating a hot cloud of steam. Cynder lets out a yelp upon contact with the boiling steam, flapping her wings wildly. She takes a breath of her own and unleashes a light blue whirlwind.

This miniature blue gust blows the steam away, allowing the audience to see the valley again. Cynder snorts and locks eyes on her opponent. She breathes out a sickly green trail that travels in a straight line. Ember attempts to counter this with a long breath of her fire. The breath attacks casually slide past each other. Both dragons groan when they get hit by the incoming breath attacks.

Ember holds her abdomen area while her face turns a slight shade of green. It appears she does not sit well with Cynder's poison. Cynder takes this opportunity to run up and tackle Ember. Before getting completely knocked over, Ember spins around and swings her tail. Some of Cynder's momentum is reversed as she slides across the valley's dirt and grass.

After expelling some sickened fire, Ember looks around. She picks up a large boulder and tosses it at Cynder. The other dragon gets on all fours just in time to get hit by the boulder. Ember picks up another boulder, and another. She keeps tossing these big rocks at her opponent. Cynder yelps upon each impact and rock-related bruise. Eventually, the broken boulders have her covered with pebbles as she lies on the ground.

Ember crosses her arms while looking at the results of her efforts. The camera zooms in on Cynder's face. Closed eyes slowly open up, glowing completely white. Some electric discharge seems to be dancing around Cynder and the pebbles float up and away from her. Ember's wings open wide and she holds out her claws in front of her, unsure of what to expect.

Cynder expels a distance-reaching breath of Aether. The unusual light fills a large section of the valley in front of her. Ember's armor burns away to nothing. Her scales follow suit as she screams. She appears to turn into a dragon-shaped pile of black ashes before being pushed away on the shock waves of Cynder's attack.

The black and ruby dragon's eyes return to normal irises. She takes several heavy breaths before laying her head down.

"Over Kill!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

I guess that's one way to dust things off.

Um, I thought you usually saved puns for just before I declare the winner.

I figured I'd get ahead of schedule this time.

Right... well, in terms of raw strength and intelligence, Ember and Cynder were pretty well-matched. But the difference in experience and breath weapons available to them draws a huge gap between their chances.

While Ember can out-muscle dragons of similar size, she didn't exactly bring anything to the table that Cynder hadn't already seen before. Heck, Cynder's fought dragons bigger and smaller than her at separate occasions, in addition to all the golems, monsters, and various grunts that serve Malefor.

While there's no defined limit on the dragons' firepower in Equestria, none of them have shown expelling it for longer than about four seconds. Meanwhile, even Cynder's finite mana can sustain continuous breath streams for a little longer than that. Both Ember and Cynder can have unstable emotions, allowing Cynder to weaponize her fear breath. Dragons in Equestria are also capable of experiencing sickness, so there's no reason to say they're immune to poison damage.

But the deciding trump card was the Aether breath. I don't care if you can take a casual dip in lava or boiling water. Those tough scales aren't saving you from getting your atoms literally ripped apart!

So while their speed and quick-thinking were on par, Cynder's superior experience, variety of breath weapons, and stronger options would win out in the end.

The cinders burned brighter than the embers this time.

The winner is Cynder.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

As the two-player arcade machine declared a winner, Ember grumbled. Her clawed fist came within a centimeter of slamming the pad right then and there. However, she stopped herself and started fanning her face with her opposite claw. She sighed a small torch's worth of fire before turning right to her opponent. Cynder and Ember shook claws as good sports.

Off to the side, two large cooking dishes slammed onto a table. Both of the dragons slowly turned toward the table. Dread was visible in their eyes. However, Dash and Undyne showed no recognition of the emotional tension, as they both looked determined to win this contest. The pegasus and fish monster stared at each other, creating an imaginary bolt of lightning that crackled between their line of vision.

Cynder sighed. "Let's get this over with."

Ember gulped. "Yep..."

Both of the 'chefs' stuck a wooden ladle into the gray pile of garbage that was allegedly their respective pie. Though, the gurgling and unsavory smells made them difficult to describe or distinguish. Each of the dragon 'judges' sweated a bit. They closed their eyes and reluctantly opened their mouths. Rainbow shoved her spoonful into Cynder's mouth while Undyne did the same to Ember.

Ember's red eyes and Cynder's teal eyes shrunk against their respective whites. In the next shot, both dragons ended up on their backs, twitching haphazardly. Unsure of how to interpret their respective judge's lack of comment, Undyne and Dash took a cautious bite of their own concoction. What happened next was to be expected.

Quadruple K.O.!

As compensation, Philomena the phoenix flew overhead and dropped one feather onto each of them.

Author's Note

I didn't originally intend to tie chapters' events together like that, but I'll make it work.

Outtakes: In No Particular Order

We advise all who care about "Formatting" to cross over to the "Dark" side. ... Wait, stilt!
Cut!

*clap*

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Blippity Bloppity Bloopers

So Pinkie Pie, how would you describe certain parts of this Death Battle parody to any pony else?

~*Plays that song used in the "Shooting Star" meme*~

Nightmare Moon vs. Zod

"Kneel!" Zod shouts. His hands come in for a clap... and two cymbals crash against Nightmare Moon's head. The resulting vibration sends her entire body shaking while floating backwards. Zod holds out his hands, looking at the metal disks with a confused expression on his face.

Sorry, just had to fit in one more joke before I left work today.

A/N: Darn you, Discord!

Raiden from Metal Gear vs. Shining Armor

Raiden grunts questioningly as he switches up his attack. He frees up his fists as something crackles through his artificial muscle fibers. He starts punching the shield at a rate that would make Neo from the Matrix jealous. Shining Armor crouches a little, but his shield holds fast.

"WAH ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta!"

A large finger taps Raiden's shoulder. "Excuse me."

"Hrm?" Raiden turns around... and gets punched by a fist.

"That's my catchphrase." Kenshiro cracks his knuckles, while also reforming his shirt in the process.

Metal Sonic vs. Rainbine from Elements of Insanity

F appears to be struggling to remember his line after the fight ends.

Hasta la Mastercard, baby!

*blip*

Hasta la Discover, baby!

*blip*

Hasta la American Express, baby!

*blip*

Hasta la Capital One, baby!

*blip*

Celestia vs. Toriel

"FIGHT!"

Celestia's horn glows somewhat brighter. Fires erupt and-

Oi, mate! That's my part you're reading!

"Wait, what?" A page ruffles. "Oh. Oh! Sorry. I was wondering why it looked like I had more highlighted lines than normal today."

Look, man. It's fine. Just... try to pay attention to the things around you. Yeah?

Starlight Glimmer vs. Amon from Legend of Korra

Starlight Glimmer holds the masked man in place, with her magic. Amon keeps the unicorn still, with his mind's blood-bending. They stare at each other with an air of defiance.

"Oh my gosh..." Mako the current spectator groans. "This is dumb. This is very dumb."

"I agree." Korra nods her head. "Sure is a lot of not kissing Asami right now. ... You know what would fix that?"

Mako glances at her. "Is it kissing Asami?"

"A good ol' rousing round of kissing Asami!" Korra punches her left palm with her right hand.

Discord disguised as Trixie vs. Papyrus

"IT... SEEMS... THAT VICTORY... IS NO CLOSER FOR ME... THAN IT IS... FOR YOU." His nonexistent lungs rise and collapse. "HOW ABOUT... WE CALL... A TRUCE? I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL SPARE YOU, HORSEY."

*Approximately fifteen minutes later...*

'Trixie' sticks a fork into the clearly under-cooked pasta and attempts to take a bite. Her jaws slowly move up and down. The taste is... indescribable. Her eyes betray a bit of red and yellow color in disbelief.

"SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY SPAGHETTI?" asks Papyrus.

Just as 'Trixie' is about to say something unflattering, she notices the other skeleton giving her the lightless stare. For reasons she can't identify, she feels rather intimidated at Sans's expression. Saying the wrong thing may lead to a very bad road.

The disguised pony chokes and swallows. "It...It's like... n-nothing I've... ever... had... before." She forces a flat-toothed smile and chuckles nervously.

Papyrus gasps. "WOWIE! YOU REALLY LIKE IT? SUCCESS! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE MADE A FRIEND BY WAY OF MY FANTASTIC COOKING SKILLS!" He sniffs as clear tears drip from his eye sockets. "THIS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED."

"Good job, Paps." Sans puts his hands in his pocket. "But there's no need to... spaghetti all sappy-eyed."

"OH MY GOSH, SANS!" The taller brother groans as the moment is ruined.

Rainbow Dash vs. Undyne

Undyne grabs the stove's dial and turns it all the way to the right. "It's *eff*in' rawwwwww!"

Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich vs. Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star

In what may be borderline stereotyping, all four combatants are wearing monocles and top hats.

"I say, did you ponies steal our colors of yellow and pink, eh wot?" asks Spongebob while setting down a tea cup.

"Surely not, sponge of the quadrilateral trousers." Pinkie swallows a crumpet. "I take great offense to that remark."

"I take offense to you taking offense to that!" Spongebob waves the noodles he calls arms in front of himself while his hands are balled into fists. "Have at thee, equine impostor!"

The camera transitions to a slap fight between the pink pony and sponge character. Amidst the hand slapping sound effects, there is the occasional demand from one or both participants for their opponent to stop.

"Hey... I want to have fun too..." Patrick whimpers.

"Okay!" Cheese Sandwich slaps the starfish with his hoof.

The screen splits down the middle to show both slap fights going on simultaneously. Pinkie and Spongebob continue with their fake British accents while Cheese and Patrick devolve into their more natural vocal ranges. How they're all managing to make physical contact without looking at each other, I'll never know.

Tirek vs. Frieza

*After the fight...*

Oh, come on! Can't any of the Dragon Ball Z cast win a stinking fight? This is getting sad.

What about Yamcha?

What about Yamcha?

We're going to see him beat a bunch of Pinkie Pie clones in a few chapters.

Oh, bravo. So he can turn some fake horses into glue. Anyone with their younger sister's toys and a microwave could do that in their own home.

... Starting to think you've got something against him. Ah... Oh my gosh. You're jealous that Yamcha can hold his own weight under three hundred times Earth's normal gravity longer than you can, aren't you?

NO! Shut up! I could easily break six hundred! I just don't feel like it.

Yeah, right.

Nathan Drake from Uncharted vs. Daring Do

"Well then, I'm terribly sorry that it had to go like this."

Daring Do pulls a rope out from her hat. Nathan pulls out a pistol and aims. The screen goes photo-negative as a blade suddenly protrudes out of his chest. Another bearded man in a white hoodie pulls his hand back and pushes Nathan onto the floor face-down.

"Too soon, man." Daring crosses her front hooves and shakes her head. "Too soon."

"Wait, how are you still alive?" Desmond looks around, then face palms. "Ohhhh... I am too soon. Oops."

Hermione Granger vs. Moondancer

"So, wait..." The pale unicorn adjusts her glasses. "You need to say two words every time you want to levitate something?"

"Of course." The young lady nods. "It's basic magic law to have at least two syllables for an incantation to work."

"Fascinating." Moondancer's horn glows and a quill scribbles on a floating notepad.

"Wait, you don't need any words for spell manifestation?" Hermione looks at the pen with scrutiny.

"Of course not." Moondancer raises her brow. "Magic is all about mental focus and imagery. With enough practice, it becomes second-nature."

"Bloody brilliant..." Using her hands, Hermione flips vigorously through two books at once.

Sassy Saddles vs. Trixie

"You would dare insult the Great and Powerful Trixie's versatile violet?!" A flash of purple, er... violet aura knocks her hat off and she magically yanks a couple clothing chests from outside into the building. "You will rue this day!"

Sassy turns around, gasping at the damage inflicted on the front wall. She then closes her mouth in a newfound frustration. "Ma'am, I should probably inform you that we reserve the right to refuse service to anypony. ... Security!"

A bunch of random police officer ponies charge in and beat up Trixie in a cartoon, dust cloud formation. The show pony screams at all of the violence that the audience cannot see.

And now for something thrown in at the last minute...

Sorry, looks like you got interrupted there. You were about to tell us your thoughts on this parody?

The poofy-haired pony looks around and blows some loose soap bubbles away from her.

It was... good. Yeah, it was really good.

Author's Note

All properties belong to their respective owners. Hash brown not sponsored.
Cut!

*clap*

Safe winters, everyone!

My Spidey Sense is Twitching

Advisory: Please switch "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that certain bright colored text is legible. Thank you.

Okay, it's time to see which sixth sense has superior sensitivity!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Marvel Comics, and Stan Lee.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

~Golden Gate is falling down, falling down, falling down...~

Many times in history, there have been claims and evidence that senses exist beyond the normal five.

And these two have some OP sixth senses!

Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony's Equestria.

... and Spider-Man from Marvel Comics' New York City. He's W and I'm B.

And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Pinkie Pie
-Species: Earth Pony
-Special talent: Bringing cheer to others, usually by way of parties
-Agility and elasticity only limited by cartoon physics
-Pinkie Sense: Can predict incoming threats via bodily twitches
-Unusual bodily properties: mane can carry and contain multiple objects, can drill through the ground; body can float off the ground when it's funny, jump through the show's screen before it closes, pull back together after falling apart, and can somehow appear anywhere without a feasible explanation beyond "it's Pinkie Pie; don't question it"
-Party Cannon: can set up entire room of party supplies in less than a second, can blast away a foe with enough force to stun, can apparently be stuffed and set up anywhere she wants
-Can't always read a situation; loses focus when emotionally stressed

If you've never heard of Pinkie Pie, where the heck were you for the rest of her appearances?

Born as Pinkamena Diane Pie, Pinkie grew up on a rock farm along with the rest of her family.

That's a really dumb concept aside from potential geodes with actually valuable gems inside.

Apparently most of the Pie family disagrees, because they have traditions revolving around rocks. Moving, sculpting, eating... you name it and there's a rock for it.

But that all changed for Pinkie Pie when she experienced something for the first time: colors.

This explosion of color originated from Rainbow Dash's very first Sonic Rainboom. The sight was so awe-inspiring, that Pinkie felt she just had to share joy with the rest of her family. She spent an entire night preparing a party from... I don't know what... considering none of her supplies consisted of rocks. But it paid off as her parents and sisters all smiled at the sight.

Then she got her magical butt tattoo.

Cutie mark.

Whatever. She moved to Ponyville and got a job at the bakery. From then on, she made it her life mission to make everyone as happy as she possibly could.

She always has random paraphernalia scattered around town, just in case of paraphernalia emergencies. This includes, cakes, confetti cannons, balloons, a baby alligator, and even a welcoming wagon.

~Welcome, welcome, welcome! A fine welcome to you! Welcome, welcome, welcome, Death Battle! How do you do?~

Gyah! What the heck? W, she's never talked to us directly before! What's happening?!

*Sigh* She's probably breaking the fourth wall, like she so often does. She can see and hear things that are normally only privy to the show viewers and/or movie audience.

Sorry! Did I interrupt you guys?

Well, just the cool parts! Like how you can fight off changelings with a deadly party-supply cannon, keep pace with ridiculously fast fliers like Rainbow Dash, and predict dangers and hazards with your Pinkie Sense. You're a gee-dee monster!

What? :pinkiegasp: I'm not a monster. I just want everypony to be happy. Speaking of which, would you like to try my original cherry-cinnamon-cilantro cupcakes? They sound creative, but taste worse than they sound!

N-No thank you. I'm good.

*Ahem* Even if somebody could survive all of Pinkie Pie's arsenal, they'd have a tough time actually hurting her. If her body were somehow damaged, she can pull herself back together on the spot... unless they pulled her mouth off via dark magic. But those events are few and far between.

She was deemed worthy to wield the Element of Laughter and helped defeat a multitude of Equestria's threats like a Nightmare pony, a reality-warping draconequus, a horde of changelings, and a magic-stealing centaur!

And then she discovered the relic of Hope, a blindfold used by Somnambula in her trial against a sphinx.

Is there anything this pink pony can't do?

Well, I can't cast unicorn magic or stand on clouds like pegasi without tying balloons to myself or getting a cloud-walking spell from Twilight.

There have also been cases where Pinkie has been emotionally unstable and hesitant to utilize her full potential. Still, she's pretty resilient for what was once a simple drawing of a cartoon character.

Can I take a peek at who's next?

Pfft. You say that like we have any chance of stopping you.

///DeathBattle\\

Spider-Man
-Species: Human
-Ace photographer for The Bugle newspaper in New York City
-Bitten by a radioactive spider and gained a lot of powers
-Super strong, can run up to 200 mph, can stick to any surface (wall-crawl), and can sense/avoid incoming threats via "Spidey Sense"
-Has crossed paths with many other Marvel characters
-Weapon: Custom-made web shooters, with sticky and sturdy settings; need refill cartridges every so often; only shoot when Spider-Man applies a specific pressure with his middle and ring fingers
-Has difficulty keeping and/or protecting his love interests
-Ability to speak directly to the audience is inconsistent

Peter Benjamin Parker was born in Queens to Mary and Richard Parker.

Wait, wait, wait... Spider-Man's parents have names?! Since when?

How is that weird? Your mother has a name too.

That's because I'm an actual person and not a comic book character.

Back on topic, Mary and Richard died, leaving Peter's aunt May and uncle Ben to raise him. While taking photographs at a science lab, Peter was bitten by a radioactive spider. Instead of killing him like radiation poisoning is supposed to, it gave him super-powers: strength, speed, and the uncanny ability to stick to any surface such as ceilings and walls.

It also gave him the most broken power in fictional history: the Spidey Sense. With it, he can sense incoming danger and react to it before even thinking about it. It can also help him shoot his webs without worrying about where the strings ultimately end up.

Unlike his other abilities, the web shooters were an invention of Peter's own design. They're equipped to shoot a bio-degradable material that acts like a spider's web. They can be adjusted to shoot sticky ropes or hard spheres depending on the situation, and need to be refilled with new cartridges when the old ones are empty.

At first, Spider-Man wasn't New York City's hero. Actually, his first official career was a wrestling champion, fighting only for prize money and glory.

But that all changed when Uncle Ben was killed right after one of Spider-Man's matches. After letting one villain get away with murdering a close family member, Peter swore he would never let such a tragedy happen again. From then on, Spider-Man became the red and blue hero. Despite all the negative feedback The Bugle gave him, he kept fighting criminals and mutant threats all over the city.

Some of his ridiculous strength feats involve being the landing gear for an airplane and pushing past his limits to hold up a gigantic metal structure that he compared to a locomotive.

When using the Spidey Sense at its fullest, he can run up to 200 miles per hour, leaving behind an after-image trail, dodging punches, knives, and even bullets. However, his ability to avoid danger depends on him reacting to it and can be fooled if he doesn't believe he's at risk.

But apparently none of that was enough to convince the Justice League, and they all flat-out rejected him.

Though, his abilities seemed good enough for the quote, unquote "gods" of DC and Marvel that they temporarily fused him with Super Boy to create... ugh... Spider Boy.

What... the... f-

:pinkiehappy: Funky-fusion-tastic! I want to hear more about Spider Boy!

No. Just... no. Besides, the "gods" later split the worlds back apart and they agreed to disagree.

I'd say, "Thank you 'gods'," but they caused that mess in the first place. So... I'll say nothing.

The life motto that guides Spider-Man's actions comes from his late uncle: "With great power, comes great responsibility."

I guess ol' Ben wasn't talking about property damage when he said that. I've seen no evidence that Peter pays for any of that, even when he directly causes it.

Well, it's tough living off a singular job's pay when it doesn't have a minimum wage.

Yeah, I guess.

A scene shows a version of Dr. Octopus practically hissing, "Do you ever shut up?!"

"Sorry, no. My fans expect a certain amount of quippage in every battle."

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

See you on the other side!

///DeathBattle\\

A big, crowded city is dragged across the camera's view. It briefly passes a replica of the Empire State Building, complete with a U.S.A. flag on top. A white, rope-like object reaches up and attaches to the flagpole. In the next second, a costumed person swings in on the other end of the rope, does a somersault, and lands on a completely different skyscraper.

Something poofs up in the sky. It sounds like a helicopter propeller, but it looks more like a pink fluffy tail holding up an equally bright-colored toy horse. This pony slowly hovers before landing on the roof on all four hooves.

"Hey there, new friend! Want to come with me to hang out with some of my other friends?"

"Not until you start making sense," retorts the crouching man.

"FIGHT!"

Spider-Man shoots a web at his opponent and yanks it toward himself. Pinkie yelps before flying forward. Using the momentum from Spidey's initial pull, she twirls herself around and bucks the black spider design on the enemy's chest. The impact sends the web-slinger flipping backward.

He quickly grabs his legs and makes the backflip feel more natural. He shoots a web that reaches out to a corner of the roof. He pulls and swings around, behind the pony. While airborne, Spider-Man forms two "you rock" hand signs, releasing a double-web that joins together after being released. The result looks like a white net that ensnares the pony and straps her to a grated air vent.

Pinkie Pie shakes like a dog, scattering the webbing to either side of her along the rooftop. Spider-Man blinks and flinches back at the sight of this pony casually breaking one of his webs. He tries running forth while shooting solid, web balls from his shooters. Meanwhile, Pinkie pulls out some cakes from her questionable inventory space and throws them as part of her own assault. The web spheres do cause the cakes to fall apart, but they lose any painful velocity they may have had. This results in a lot of smeared frosting and low-bouncing spheres to cover the roof.

As Pinkie continues to pull out various flavors of cake and attacks with those, Spider-Man switches tactics. He starts running forward while bobbing and weaving left and right. To the audience, it looks like some black, shaky lines dance around his head before he dodges each incoming baked good. Upon seeing a particular four-layered marzipan coming at him, he shoots a rope-like web at it. He swings the giant confectionery around before flinging it right back into the pony's face. She seems happy to lick the entirety of the new mess right off.

"Bet you can't predict this!" Pinkie Pie pulls her Party Cannon out of thin air and hops completely into it.

"Wait, are you crazy?!" Parker stops in his tracks. "You'll kill yourself with that kind of weapon's force!"

Heedless of the man's warning, the cannon turns and fires its load directly at Spider-Man. This includes a ball of pink floof, cheering in excitement as she slams right into Spidey's torso. She stamps her hind hooves on the roof's edge, somehow stopping her motion save for a bit of giraffe-length stretching in her neck. Peter isn't so lucky as his back slams against a window pane in the next building's outside.

Spidey groans. "Are you related to that... Ricochet guy I stopped a while back?"

He manages to turn himself over and crawls up the wall with minimal sound. Behind him, there's a bit of a strange cross of sounds between a bicycle pedal, a crank, and a propeller. When Spidey turns to look, the camera turns as well to spy a flying contraption that seems like it belongs in a Willy Wonka rip-off. Pinkie Pie is the pedaling pilot of it.

"Do I make enough sense to you now?" Pinkie smiles and flutters her eyes.

"You wouldn't know sense if it blew up your helicopter!"

Spider-Man uses his feet to stick to the wall, while his hands shoot a couple webs. He ensnares the propeller in the process, stopping it completely. Pinkie Pie screams as her machine, and by extension herself, falls helplessly to the ground below. It looks like both scatter to pieces upon contact.

Peter web-swings to a lower street light post before getting a better look at the damage. However, several pink segments, two eyes, and a disheveled mane quickly pull back together, separate from the flying machine's wreckage. The recompiled pony uses her front hooves to double-check that her cutie mark is back in the right spot before she sighs in relief.

"Deadpool..." mutters Spider-Man. "Why am I not surprised?"

Pinkie hums. "Technically, I beat Deadpool back in that Discord vs. Bill Cipher contest, but that's neither here nor there."

Spidey tilts his head while hanging upside-down from the light post. "So... what? Are you one of his inner-child personalities that took him over?" He waves a hand dismissively. "You know what? Don't answer that. I gotta go."

He drops to the ground and triggers something. As he runs away, the screen looks like it's capturing several afterimages following his same footpath. It's clear that he's running faster than any man reasonably should. Suddenly, Pinkie pops up in front of him. Hope glitters in her eyes. In desperation, Parker throws several "Maximum Spider" punches and kicks rapidly at his opponent.

The camera switches to a mode that makes the pony's reactions look about regular speed while making Spider-Man's actions look really slow. Pinkie Pie zooms around to avoid getting punched. At the same time, she plays a game by slapping her hooves against Spider-Man's sides and arms.

"~Pattie-cake! Pattie-cake! Baker's pan...~"

After a full run of the poem's chorus, she stops behind him. The camera returns to real-time speed. Spider-Man lets out several yelps at all of his new bruises. He falls to his knees, clutching his rib area. At about this time, Pinkie yoinks out her welcome wagon. It releases a geyser-like spray of cake batter onto both of them. She pulls herself out and eats the batter that is still in the shape of herself. Meanwhile, Parker's scream gains a few octaves higher... before it is followed by deafening silence.

Pinkie giggles. "You've got to blow on it if it's too hot to eat, silly!"

"K.O.!"

///DeathBattle\\

What'd I tell you? She's a monster!

Let's not waste time with insults and just stick to the facts. Peter Parker has a very hard time getting killed by anything. Even villains' schemes that realistically should wear him down don't actually finish the job. But similar feats exist that make Pinkie Pie a difficult foe to finish off. Both Peter and Pinkie have means of repairing bodily damage faster than others of their same species, both of them are faster than average, and both of them are stronger than average.

But when it comes to powers that break physics, Pinkie comes out just a wee bit farther ahead. While the Spidey Sense usually gives Parker the edge in terms of predicting and avoiding danger, the Pinkie Sense often predicts danger much sooner in advance. So, Pinkie could actually plan around avoiding threats more effectively than Spider-Man's split-second warnings that he sometimes ignores outright.

Pinkie also beats Parker in terms of speed. At a casual gallop, she can keep up with Rainbow Dash who can fly over 3,800 miles per hour. That's at least nineteen times Spider-Man's maximum speed... and that doesn't even include how quickly she could break the fourth wall and just climb around a page or a scene transition.

Plus, that pony's completely insane. One of her stray thoughts involves munching on sentient sweets. A science-fiction mind like Peter's would have very little chance of keeping up with the insanity that is Pinkie Pie's. Sure, the Goblins he faces are also insane, but they usually involve directly causing harm and destruction. There's no scientifically predicting what's on Pinkie's mind at any given point.

When combined with her unusual assortment of tools in her nearly unlimited hammerspace of a mane, Pinkie Pie's speed, senses, and unpredictability gave her the victory.

Peter was out of the Spider-Man and into the oven. Guess he was half-baked.

The winner is Pinkie Pie.

///DeathBattle\\

This appears to be one of the stages from Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite. Is that... Dante?

"Yeah, just thought I'd... appropriate... the Soul Stone for a little bit. Can't let our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man bite the dust this late in his career."

The orange rock glows, bringing the masked Parker back to life.

Dante points a finger in warning. "Everybody gets one, Spidey."

"Ugh... thanks." Spider-Man cracks his neck. "Hopefully, this one is all I'll need."

///DeathBattle\\

Author's Note

How's this for the beginning(ish) of a new year?

Dual-Pistols At Sunset

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that certain bright colors are legible. Thank you.

I always try to make it a spectacle, even when it's clearly one-sided.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DC Comics.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. My eyes can bleed.

Every person is capable of doing great things, whether for good or for evil.

Some of the cooler characters have experience with both good and evil deeds.

There's Sunset Shimmer, a Canterlot High Wondercolt.

Then you've got Jason Todd, the Red Hood. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Sunset Shimmer
-Originally a unicorn; currently a human
-Princess Celestia's former, personal student; left when Celestia didn't meet her expectations of perfection
-Won the Fall Formal three years in a row; became more dominant in manipulation
-Dated Flash Sentry (human) only for popularity and power
-Turned into "a raging she-demon" and turned the student body into a zombie army, only to immediately lose it all
-Was forgiven and accepted into the group of Canterlot High friends
-Magical geode power: Read minds; if used strongly enough, hair can grow into a pony's tail
-May carry properties of a fiery phoenix under the right conditions ("My Past Is Not Today")

The land of Equestria is filled with many gifts and talents. Only a handful of this talent is geared toward mastering everything about magic itself. Enter Sunset Shimmer, the former student of Princess Celestia.

Yeah... she's kind of a ginger, so I wouldn't be surprised if there was no soul in her.

Irrelevant, since science hasn't proved the existence of souls.

Why do you fall back on science for a character that's all about magic?

Because science is one of the few things worth living for... aside from selling fine merchandise to an understanding customer-base.

I can hear the air quotes from here. Sun-*ess*t *Ess*er wasn't exactly happy with apprenticing under whom she perceived as the physical embodiment of God, so she threw a hissy fit and fled into a world of Monster High-colored barbie dolls.

I... guess you're not too far off. They call that place Earth and the citizens humans, but there is clearly something wrong with their perception if all of those skin tones are considered the norm.

Wait, did we just inadvertently make ourselves racists?

Moving on! At first, Sunset Shimmer clawed her way up to being the "popular" girl of Canterlot High School, winning what was equivalent to prom queen year after year. However, that recognition still wasn't enough, and she started harassing the other students and manipulating an entire group of suspiciously familiar-looking friends into separating.

And somehow, she convinced a couple of dorks to be her minions. Anyway, her mood swings faster than a pro baseball player. She could be cold and distant one minute and completely furious at something the next. Not unlike my ex-wife.

Still, she was apparently still keeping tabs on the world of Equestria... somehow. One of her plans years later involved stealing Princess Twilight's crown that happened to contain the Element of Magic, and win it in the Fall Formal.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense. She already had possession of the crown. Why would she need to wait until a specific date and the random number of votes of the student body to get it again? Why didn't she just sweet-talk her way into the principal's office and then steal the crown again?

The only explanation I can come up with is lazy writing, or writing that was trying too hard to sell a toyline trying to compete with an already big-market toyline. Both of which fell flat on their faces. After Twilight came through the mirror and won the Formal, and delivered a line of dramatic dialogue, Sunset actually gave up on trying to destroy the mirror before snapping yet again and trying to wield the Element of Magic as an Element of Disharmony, transforming her into a "raging she-demon".

And turned everybody in the school into zombies to try and control as her own personal teenager army to take over Equestria.

First: That's a stupid idea to send people that are brain-dead and barely function as humans somehow figure out the limb coordination of ponies and take over a world whose citizens have been ponies all their life. Second: What the hell are you doing here?! You already killed Spider-Man last time. What more do you want?

Oh, nothing. I was just remembering my favorite line from the second movie. See ya! *boing*

*sigh* Let it go, B. We've got work to do.

I... ugh... fine. Turns out the human counterparts to the pony Elements grouped together and sent Sunset into a literal crater. She was forced to perform community service, and Twilight went home. W-Wait a minute! Sunset's originally from the land of toy horses too! How come she wouldn't want to go back to that?

Lazy writing.

Gosh dang it!

After much time was taken, Shimmer became a member of the group of high school friends. Along the way, she learned how to sing, play guitar, ride a motorcycle, and found a magical geode that can allow her to read minds. They also all gain pony-like ears and their hair grows much longer when they showcase a trait of the deepest part of their inner selves.

Ew... too sappy. Let me guess, lazy writing?

Now you're catching on. She can also call upon the magic from her friends to transform herself into an humanoid alicorn or phoenix, allowing her to fly, repair holes in reality, and unleash magic from her hands as if they were energy beams.

Man, somebody in animation liked Yu Yu Hakusho a lot. I say, "Yu Yu Hakusho," because saying somebody copied Dragonball Z has already been done to death.

Still, she is vulnerable to doubting herself and usually requires encouragement from somebody else to overcome it. And in order to maintain any of her mind reading magic, she must remain in the human world.

It's just as well. Years in that world has made returning to pony society nearly impossible with no fine control over her hooves and forgetting how her horn works.

"And if there's any group that's going to forgive you for something that happened in the past, trust me. It's this one."

///DeathBattle\\

Red Hood
-Other identities: Jason Todd; Robin; Batman(?); Wingman
-Was beaten to near-death by the Joker and a crowbar; finished off by a bomb's explosion
-Revived by the Lazarus Pit
-Decided to stop fighting crime and start regulating it; killed anyone he believed had crossed the line
-Allows drug trafficking and petty theft; does not tolerate abusing under-aged children
-Wears a red helmet that covers his face and hair; doesn't handicap his marksmanship
-Weapons: Dual-wield pistols, grenades, smoke pellets, grappling hook shot, portable jet boosters, a knife, electric tasers, and a rocket launcher
-Remembers all of his martial arts experience under The Batman

For most people, death is an end, the point at which it's impossible to keep going and you've stopped breathing.

Not for the newest villain taking the mantle of Red Hood.

Jason Todd was once a kid like many others in the DC universe. This includes the part where his parents meet an unfortunate end. In his case, they were murdered by Two-Face. Then, he was taken under Bruce Wayne's care, and groomed to be the next Robin, successor to Dick Grayson.

But while Batman is all about kicking *ss in every way except killing them, this new Robin was a little more violent and there were many times where he got in over his head. This includes the time that the Joker beat him up with a crowbar and left him for dead next to a bomb that exploded before Batman could find him. Jason? Jason!

A video game's depiction of a crowded shopping mall briefly crosses the screen.

For all intents and purposes, Jason Todd was dead. But then the daughter of another DC villain took pity on him and used the Lazarus Pit to bring the boy back to life.

But did he thank her? Hell no! He went crazy and dug his bandaged fingers into the eyes of the two nearest goons before fleeing in terror. But I won't be too hard on him. That's probably how I'd react to waking up, thinking that I was about to drown in some stranger's bathtub.

The Lazarus Pit had drastic effects on Jason's personality. As years past, he took up the identity of the criminal Red Hood. He pulled together gear and influence to contain crime rather than fight against it like Batman. Of course, this meant he had no qualms about killing certain criminals with a plethora of tools and weapons.

This guy can use big guns like rocket launchers without straining his shoulder. He's also got a grappling hook, some high-tech tasers, rocket boosters that he can pull out and attach to just about any surface, grenades, and smoke pellets. But his favorite weapons are his dual-pistols and a knife, that he can cut through a rope with a precision strike.

Red Hood has lightweight armor under his leather jacket that allows him to shake off some otherwise lethal shots. His hand-to-hand combat experience builds onto what he already learned under Batman. Although Todd's personality has shifted to be more cold and distant, he still has moments where he goes into a violent rage. He almost managed to kill The Joker, but was ultimately stopped by Batman. Red Hood's current whereabouts are left unknown.

Unless you're talking about the reboots and expanded universe of DC comics, but this is probably a good stopping point. How long have we been talking anyway?

I don't know. Five minutes?

Don't know either. I don't have a watch.

Damien Wayne as Robin clashes weapons and says, "This time, you're dead!"

Red Hood shrugs it off. "Been dead; done that."

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

The Canterlot High School replica stands in its humble place in the world. Crickets chirp as the camera pans across the blue and orange evening sky. A street light flickers, barely holding out. The pedestal in front of the school lays bare. A red head in a leather jacket slowly walks by, holding a folded piece of paper in her hand. Her brow furrows as she skims the contents of the page again.

"Gotta say, it's weird how on the nose your name is with the timing of your arrival."

She grits her teeth at the sound of the man's voice. She turns around and spots a guy covered in a brown coat, black pants, and a full-headed helmet of crimson. She lowers her arms to her sides, clenching one hand into a fist while her other hand crinkles the paper. She holds the paper up.

"What is this supposed to mean?" she demands.

"I believe that letter's message was clear." It's difficult to determine expression through the helmet. "You've been busy during your high school years... lying, cheating, stealing... If this list ended there, I probably wouldn't have even bothered. But you... Shimmer... you set the trend for the local crazies to rape the minds of children. You crossed the line."

"And what about the part that said that you'll collect my dues?" She threw the letter on the ground and stepped on it. "You think you can make things right by pressing me for ransom money?"

"How about a deal, Shimmer?" The man slowly reaches a hand toward his side. "You can keep committing as many petty crimes as you like. I won't stop you. I'll just require you to pay me commission of twenty to thirty percent, depending on how I'm feeling. If not..." He pulls out a pistol and makes it visible. "... then I'll just have to let the devil collect your full net worth."

"I'm not that kind of person anymore!" Shimmer shouts. "And you can forget about money, because I'm never going to be the villain ever again!"

The man whips his other arm around, pulling out a second pistol. He crosses his arms in front of himself, pointing his guns upward and diagonally away from each other.

"They always choose the hard way first."

"FIGHT!"

Sunset Shimmer reaches a hand up to her upper chest area. A brief glow of red shines under her hand. She runs toward the man. Meanwhile, Red Hood takes aim with the pistol in his left and and fires a shot. In some impossible slow-motion footage, Sunset turns her heel and leans back slightly. The bullet whizzes through a strand of hair and into the distance.

"Slippery little..." Red Hood alternates between pistols and fires a few more bullets.

To Red Hood's credit, Sunset is sweating a lot as the shots get closer and closer to potentially hitting their mark. But aside from a few shaved hairs, she is far from being dead. She closes in on his position. As he fires the twelfth shot, Sunset ducks down before grabbing a tight hold of his arm. Her eyes flash white and we zoom in.

The screen changes to hold a blurry circle around the otherwise clear center of the screen. A young boy wearing red, green, and yellow leaps up and flares his cape. He's smiling like he's having a grand old time. A old butler holds his head and sighs. Another man enters the scene. He appears to be wearing tacky, black tights. While his mouth isn't smiling, his eyes seem to glow with a hint of joy and ample pride.

In the next second, the scenery changes to both the boy wonder and the bat punching a few crooks in the cheeks. It shifts again to those same crooks being dragged away by the cops. The bat casually walks over to his vehicle while the boy runs after.

The scene alters again to a much more terrifying scene. Some clown with green hair and heavily applied lipstick is laughing up a storm. The scene shows the boy's gloved hands desperately trying to move cover the screen, but then a red crowbar sweeps in. After four or five hits, the hands fall out of the screen's sight with their resistance broken. An explosion blows the memory away.

Darkness holds the center of the screen for a few seconds. Then, the color shifts to green. A watery surface appears in the distance. A bunch of bubbles emerge. The boy breaks the surface, now covered in bandages. He's screaming bloody murder and desperately claws his hands out of the bandages while pulling himself out of the water as quickly as he possibly can. His fingers pierce the eye sockets of a few cloaked men before he runs far away.

A flash of the red helmet shows up, before it shows itself as the head of an armored punk with a gun and a knife. He pulls money from some shady hands and his gun meets the forehead of those who refuse. The Red Hood crosses paths with the clown again, and even Batman.

"What bothers you more? That your greatest failure has come back from the grave? Or that I'm just a better Batman than you?"

Sunset's eyes return to normal as she inadvertently knocks the gun out of that particular hand. Red Hood tries to shoot her with the other gun, but it clicks. Empty.

"Jason Todd, wait!" Sunset holds up her hands defensively. "We can talk about this."

The faint area that Red Hood's eyes are visible squint. "... what."

"You used to be a hero, remember? As Robin, you fought criminals to protect others from harm."

Red Hood's hand that is still holding a weapon trembles. "How the hell do you...?"

"I made mistakes in my life too." She puts one hand over her chest. "But when I had reached my low, the magic of friendship reached out and gave me another chance. I bet it's not too late for you either. If you just go back to Bruce and ask for forgiveness..."

"Get out my head, you freak!"

Red Hood ditches the empty gun and pulls out a jagged knife. He leaps at her and swings it. Sunset leans back and weaves. He swings his knife around, while throwing in a few cheap kicks as well. He manages to slice through a sleeve, exposing some of Sunset's arm. Sunset tries to jump back a couple paces.

Todd pulls out a grenade and flicks the pin away with his thumb. He tosses the rest of the grenade in Sunset's general direction. She turns around and leaps for the grass. Meanwhile, Red Hood aims a grappling hook at the roof of the school and quickly pulls himself up. Once up there, the explosion goes off behind his field of view.

When he turns around, he flinches. Ascending into the air is a Sunset Shimmer without a jacket. In its place is a dress, wings, and a horn composed of white magic. Something that looks like an orange fire dances around her every two seconds. Red Hood leans down and unzips a bag he left earlier. He pulls out a big rocket launcher and takes laser-point aim at the flying girl.

Sunset holds her hands together and concentrates a sphere of magical energy. Red Hood lets loose the rocket. In response, Sunset fires her magic in a focused beam. It seems to halt the rocket's progress. But then, the man tosses some small disc object at the rocket. This new device attaches and unleashes a jet stream of fire. It seems to cause the rocket to spiral around the direct line of the magic. Sunset gasps as the duo rocket closes in on her.

An explosion goes off in the air. A girl in tattered clothes falls to the pavement below, with noise loud enough to set off a nearby car's alarm. Red Hood turns around and runs over the other side of the roof. He fires his grappling hook and swings out of the camera's point of view.

"And boom goes the dynamite!"

///DeathBattle\\

Holy *ess*! That... was... awesome!

This was an interesting matchup, what with the similar color schemes and how both characters took dark turns in their lives. However, when it comes to their fighting capabilities, they couldn't be more different.

Red Hood used to be a Robin, meaning he got at least some of his training from Batman. He also lived on the streets as his own crimelord for at least a few years. I mean, the only thing former horse girl had for her that Red Hood didn't have was mind reading.

In the instances that we see Sunset Shimmer use physical contact to read deeper into other people's minds, it was shown that they didn't react to any weird duration of time. So, it's likely that such thorough conscience-reading only lasts a fraction of a second in real time. And it's possible that amplifying her geode power could reach the same effect. However, knowing Jason's true identity and what he was going to do didn't necessarily give Sunset the means to stop him.

Like, the fortune teller knew I had a shotgun, and could probably predict that I was going to threaten her to give me a full refund. But she wasn't carrying any weapons that could help her avoid that.

The only long-range option Sunset could have possibly used was the magic of her friendship. However, it's been shown that such magic is only effective when dealing with other users of magic. Not bullets, not grenades, and certainly not rockets which can fly faster than sound itself. Combining Red Hood's superior experience, arsenal, and tenacity, poor Sunset Shimmer didn't stand a chance.

Red Hood really blew up her expectations.

The winner is Red Hood.

///DeathBattle\\

In a hospital room, six friends and a dog look downtrodden. A heart monitor slows down it's annoying beeping pattern until it holds onto one long, continuous screech.

Elsewhere, an anti-hero slowly pulls his helmet off and looks at it. After a few deep breaths, he snarls and yells in rage. He throws the helmet as hard as he can to the other side of the dark room. It bangs against the wall, floor, and echoes.

///DeathBattle\\

Next time on Death Battle...

"An Ultra dimension you say?" A menacing grin emerges from the shadows. "Now that's something I'd like to see."

Author's Note

I said, "I always try." I didn't say, "I always succeed."

Alola, Nightmare!

Advisory: Please set your “Formatting” to “Dark” to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

For the sake of this Death Battle, I won’t be using any of the lore or mechanics from the Ultra versions of Sun and Moon.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Nintendo, and Game Freak.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

~Boom, boom, boom… even brighter than the moon, moon, moon…~

Whether it’s werewolves or aliens, something grips the mind when it comes to using the moon for telling stories.

Today’s combatants have their very lore tied to the moons of their world.

Lunala: the full moon Pokemon!

And Nightmare Moon, the legendary Mare in the Moon.

Reader beware; you’re in for a kick*ss fight!

For this Death Battle, we will be looking at their capabilities as originally presented to the public. This means no Dawn Wings Necrozma and no Nightmare Rarity.

He’s W and I’m B.

And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Lunala
-“Full Moon” Pokemon
-Type: Ghost/Psychic
-High HP and Sp. Atk; low Def.
-Cosmog’s (Nebbie) final evolved form in Pokemon Moon
-Move set: Moongeist Beam (Ghost), Moonblast (Fairy), Moonlight (HP recovery), Cosmic Power (Def. and Sp. Def. up), Confusion (Psychic), Hypnosis (Sleep), Dream Eater (HP Absorb), Night Daze (Dark), Phantom Force(2-turn; Ghost; can break through Protect moves)
-Can open portals to the Ultra Dimension when the story calls for it
-Super weak against Dark and Ghost-type moves
-Shadow Shield: Reduces damage taken when at full health

Some years ago, one woman thought of creating a paradise where Pokemon would be protected from all harm. Between that and her children, she couldn’t be happier.

Let me guess, something goes horribly wrong and sends paradise careening into purgatory.

Hmm, sort of. A wormhole opened up and brought a creature that would later be dubbed an Ultra Beast arrived and-

Holy crap! It’s an alien jellyfish!

*Ahem* Yes, well… Nihilego had the uncanny ability of super-charging the attribute of desire within the first person it came in contact with. This person just so happened to be Lusamine, filling her with the insatiable desire to go to the Ultra Dimension so that she would be surrounded by Nihilego forever.

So… tentacle-mind-rape?

Pretty much.

Gross!

To achieve this desire, Lusamine experimented on the Pokemon called Cosmog, draining almost all of its energy to open a wormhole that took her right into the Ultra Beast’s clutches. This left Cosmog in a dormant state, leaving Lusamine’s daughter Lillie and a silent protagonist to try and bring it back.

Then they travelled around some islands that are Hawaiian knock-offs, found a couple legendary flutes, and played a song atop some ancient ruins on a mountain.

Actually, that looks more like a plateau.

*B groans.*

And it worked. The song unlocked Cosmog’s final form: Lunala. After saving Lusamine from Nihilego’s clutches and giving her back some of her sanity, the protagonist battled and caught Lunala to take it on an adventure with thrilling battles.

Lunala looks like a flashy and skeletal vampire bat. It’s got a third eye on its forehead like those enlightened monks, and the subtitles for its cry look like a mockery of Deus Ex MacGuffins.

“Mahi-i-i-na!”

Lunala's stats focus on high health points and special attack, while lacking a little in speed and physical defense. As a dual-type with ghost and psychic, it’s completely immune to normal and fighting-type moves, at the expense of being extremely weak against dark-type attacks.

Its signature attack is Moongeist Beam, a powerful laser that apparently has ghost-like properties that it can shoot by opening its wings into a nearly full circle. This Pokemon can also shoot a blast from the moon that acts like a dragon-type’s worst nightmare.

Confusion is a psychic-type attack that can occasionally scramble the thoughts of its opponent, and Night Daze is available for dealing dark-type damage and causing enemies to flinch. Lunala can also call on the power-cosmic to increase its defensive stats, or recover its health just by bathing in Moonlight.

Then there’s its really mean move combination: putting opponents to sleep with Hypnosis and then stealing their health by eating their dreams! Who does that?

Lunala’s ability Shadow Shield is an interesting defense in that it lowers the power of incoming enemy attacks, but only when it has full health. In other words, it’s important for Lunala to maintain control of the battle at the very start. Otherwise, an aggressive enough opponent might overwhelm it.

“Nebbie! You evolved!”

“Mahi-i-i-na!”

///DeathBattle\\

Nightmare Moon
-Alicorn corrupted by jealousy and hatred
-Originally Luna, Princess of the Night
-Above average strength, flight, and magic
-Can move the very moon across the sky
-Examples of magic: levitation, teleportation, shape-shifting, lightning
-Example of strength: crushing five stone orbs with her bare hooves… without even touching
-Example of dark magic: floating in a cloud form faster than Rainbow Dash; manipulating fog density; eroding cliffs
-Vulnerable to the villain’s Achilles Heel: Monologue

It is written that on the "Fourth Day", God created the stars, the sun, and the moon. To the sun, he gave the name "the greater light". The moon, he called "the lesser light".

That sounds like something that would piss off anyone whose entire theme is the moon. The pony princess of the night took great exception to being the lesser of anything. So, after a few years of hiding her feelings by helping her sister postpone threats like a magic-hungry centaur, an evil king who sounds like a Mexican hat, and the embodiment of chaos himself, Luna went into a temper tantrum and transformed into another black fan-made character.

Uh... no. Slowly building negative emotions eventually corrupted her and transformed her into Nightmare Moon, and she threatened to bring about an eternal night. However, she was stopped. The first time, her sister sadly resorted to using the land's Elements of Harmony. With only one pony using them, the Elements decided the best course of action was to banish Nightmare Moon into the very moon she represented for one thousand years. Then, after she returned, she was stopped again by six new wielders of the Elements. Only this time, her corruption was removed and Princess Luna was given back her place in the world.

Yeah! That's exactly what I meant!

You're an idiot, B. For the duration that she existed, Nightmare Moon created a sense of dread and fear that spawned a number of legends among ponies over the years. Some say part of her essence stayed behind to wander her old castle. Others say she comes down every Halloween-esque night to take candy tributes and gobble up any children that refuse to pay.

Legends, schmegends! What are the real facts that involve how she can kick butt?

I'm glad you asked. For starters, Nightmare is an alicorn, capable of feats that require super strength, flight, and a wide array of magic. She can crush five solid stone orbs by stomping the ground in the middle of them. She can glide through the air effortlessly. As for her magic, her spells include shape-shifting, earth rupturing, cloud compacting, lighting strikes, magic beams that can cut through solid stone, and even move the moon itself to create a solar eclipse.

Meh... my ex-wife can cause an eclipse just by standing around a beach.

I thought your ex-wife was a vampire?

Yeah, but not those cool vampires that turn into ash in sunlight. She's more like one of those sparkling fakers from that comedy book series.

... I understood that reference.

Anyway, we were talking about black horses and magic rock-breaker beams?

Right. Her magic is apparently capable of obliterating timber wolves, creatures that can usually reconstruct themselves within a minute of being broken apart.

Not as cool as a shotgun, but it gets the job done.

There is, however, a drawback and fatal weakness to Nightmare Moon.

She starts monologuing?

Yes, when she starts talking about how her enemies are doomed to fail and how her night will last forever, she is vulnerable to standing completely still. Even when the speech is coming from a potential enemy, she just stands there in disbelief.

Hey, maybe she's got a better shot now. This new challenger doesn't say much.

The scene shows Luna's original transformation. As she floats up in a daze, dark energy spins around her and warps her features: eyes get slits, teeth turn into fangs, and her voice deepens into an evil cackle.

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

A bright moon shines upon this battlefield. There is a rock formation that looks like it forms a path far above a valley made of spikes and unfortunate corpses. On another formation in the background, it looks like a half-naked movie actor is glowing green and kicking at a guy made of fire. But that's not where the story is. In the foreground, a skeletal bat with golden edges around its wings flies above one of the rock-pillar doors. Across from it, a dark pony flaps its wings and hovers over the opposite pillar.

"Mah-i-i-i-na!"

"You're kidding, right?" The pony raises a brow under her helmet. "The only one who should rule over the night is me!"

"FIGHT!"

Lunala used Cosmic Power!

A bit of sparkle appears around the edges of the Pokemon's wings. Helpfully, the animators add two up arrows marked with "Def" and "Sp. Def" respectively. Nightmare Moon calls a whirlwind of dark clouds via her mane. Lightning strikes down across the battle field. Lunala barely seems fazed by the surge of electricity.

Lunala vanishes from sight!

True to the subtitle's commentary, Lunala flaps its wings and seems to disappear in a cloud of smoke. Nightmare Moon glares around herself. Where is her enemy?

Lunala used Phantom Force!

With that prompt, Lunala appears right behind Nightmare Moon and claps its wings. Nightmare growls and turns into her own purple smoke cloud. This cloud dashes around in circular paths. Each swift contact seems to cut against Lunala's body. These small cuts appear all at once. Lunala cries out and flies upward. However, the cutting smoke quickly follows after it.

Lunala used Night Daze!

A black force erupts from Lunala's body. It ripples out like a shock wave, pushing the Nightmare smoke away. Nightmare shape-shifts into three separate pegasus ponies, each wearing a Shadowbolt uniform. The three of her split up and surround the opponent. Each pegasus flies in to make contact.

Lunala used Moonblast!

Energy turns pink in front of the skeletal bat. It unleashes that energy in three large orbs, one for each of the pegasi. Two of the Shadowbolts evaporate on contact. The third quickly circles around and up to dodge the blast. She gathers the remains of her other thirds and regains her armored alicorn form. It appears she's gathering dark magic atop her horn.

Lunala used Hypnosis!

Lunala's third red eye opens upon its forehead. All three of its eyes glow and create a rippling light effect. Nightmare Moon's pupils dilate against the intense waves. Her magic falters and she starts descending out of the sky. Her wings barely flap long enough to land on the bridge with minimal damage.

Lunala used Dream Eater!

A strange cloud escapes Nightmare Moon's head, unbeknownst to her. Lunala opens its maw and slowly sucks in the cloud. At this point, Nightmare blinks a couple times and gasps. What's left of the cloud disperses with a pop. She grits her fangs and charges her magic. This time, she closes her eyes for the duration.

Lunala used Moongeist Beam!

The Pokemon gains some altitude before spreading its wings to full span. Smaller beams trickle from its bones toward the center of the circle. As soon as Nightmare Moon blasts out a large beam of blue magic, Lunala fires out a similar white beam in the opposite direction. The lasers hit each other and fight for control of the night sky.

Eventually, the air caught between is what yields. An explosion spreads out from the collision of the blasts, blinding the camera from what is happening.

...

After some time passes, we get a visual of the battlefield. Nightmare has regained some air and is flying above the bridge. Meannwhile, Lunala is sitting on the stone while breathing heavily. It tries spreading out its wings.

Lunala used Moonlight!

A stream of light particles flows down from the moon, heading towards Lunala's body. It continues breathing hard while holding this position.

"Are you...?" Nightmare glares at her opponent. "You dare siphon power from my moon?!" Her horn ignites. "If I can't have its power to myself, then no pony can!"

Her bluish magic aura surrounds the moon, and it moves below the horizon. The sun tries to peak out from the opposite side of the sky. The particle stream ends, leaving Lunala with about as little stamina as it had after the beam explosion. It opens its mouth and creates a black and purple sphere.

Lunala used Sha-

"Enough!"

Nightmare Moon flies to the side of the bridge and unleashes a magic beam. It cuts straight through the section of the bridge that Lunala is sitting on. It also seems to knock the wind out of the Pokemon. Lunala falls down, down, down... getting impaled in so many awful places on the spike-covered ground.

"FATALITY!"

///DeathBattle\\

Whoa-ho-ho! Holy crap! Did somebody leave Mortal Kombat running?

Being a cover art Pokemon may mean you're ridiculously strong, but that doesn't mean you're guaranteed victory against outside franchises. Both Lunala and Nightmare Moon had access to moves that could make them intangible, but Nightmare Moon's was far more consistent and readily usable.

Pokemon are incredible compared to their real-world animal counterparts. Make no mistake about that! But as powerful as Lunala was, it had its attack rhythm that it was most comfortable with. Opponents that have been around as many years as Nightmare Moon can remember, which includes both her own and Princess Luna's, could no doubt start figuring out what Lunala was up to.

And it's not likely that Lunala's sleep-inducing and dream-eating combination would do much, since Nightmare Moon knows a lot about dream magic from Luna. Also in terms of raw power, while Pokemon can damage each other fairly consistently, Nightmare Moon's destruction of stone cliffs and stone castles is more impressive than the output that Lunala has been shown to be capable of in-game.

But why couldn't Lunala escape into its original home, the Ultra Dimension?

One, escaping would mean that it doesn't actually get to win in the short time that a Death Battle setting takes place. And two, it has been stated that it has to remain still long enough for a portal to stay open. And since Nightmare Moon can outpace a Rainbow Dash pursuit, staying still would lead to an opening in its flank that it just could not afford.

I just had another thought: How did Nightmare even hurt Lunala? Aren't ghosts technically already dead?

Certain ghost-types are allegedly undead souls of the deceased. However, Lunala is only like a ghost in its resemblance to a skeletal bat. Besides, there are plenty of physical strikes that can cause harm to other ghost-type Pokemon. They may be immune to normal-type attacks, but the things that magical ponies unleash are anything but normal. When you factor in that Lunala's base stats give up speed and defense for its higher than average striking power, it had a lower chance of enduring something to the same effect as the cloud form of Nightmare.

The battle's end was decided when Lunala was denied its dose of moonshine.

The winner is Nightmare Moon.

///DeathBattle\\

Author's Note

Gotta remember to put in my tagged main characters somewhere. Why not here?

Q Ain't Never Had A Friend Like Me

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that certain, brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

I've never been completely satisfied with chapters where I "cut loose" and go full nonsense. It always feels like I've done too much while simultaneously not doing enough.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, miscellaneous Chinese folklore, and Walt Disney.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

Just imagine a bunch of Honest Trailer comments suggesting the same thing.

Legends exist of beings that hold unlimited cosmic power. But these theoretically infinite beings almost always have their fatal flaws.

Whether it's the itty-bitty living space or simply being trapped in stone by six pieces of jewelry, these two make the most of their time by making their actions as grandiose and show-offy as possible.

Genie of the lamp from Disney's Aladdin.

Discord of chaos from Hasbro's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///Death Battle\\

Genie
-Voice Actor: Robin Williams
-Species: Genie
-Age: 10,000+ years
-Original home: A magic lamp, bound to grant its holder three wishes (with heavy restrictions on life, death, and love)
-Plethora of powers: shape-shifting, growing, shrinking, singing, impressions, levitation, reality-bending, comedic timing, magical clones, random spells
-Friends: Carpet, Aladdin, anyone else close to Aladdin
-Currently a free-roaming creature
-Not quite as powerful as he was in captivity

The desert lands of the Arabs hold sand, sand, and more sand! There are few places to stock up on water, and it's either too hot or too cold. Of course, that's a whole different story if you come across the city of Agrabah.

Amidst the street levels and dirt poor, you might run into Aladdin, a guy who has gotten used to a life of thievery just to get enough food for a day. He dreamed of meeting Agrabah's princess, Jasmine. One day when he was about to be caught, an old man bailed him out and promised a reward in exchange for a favor.

Last time I did a favor for an old man, hoping to make easy money, I ended up in an alley somewhere in Detroit with my wallet and shirt missing.

It could have ended similarly for Aladdin, though with some key differences. The task was to explore the magical Cave of Wonders, which resembles the head of a giant cat guardian. Any who tried to enter and were not worthy were met with a quick burial under the sands.

Fortunately for Aladdin, he was the prophesied "Diamond in the Rough", and he walked inside without any trouble. At the very end of the cave was an ancient oil lamp and he was supposed to bring that back without touching anything else. But... then his pet monkey Abu tried to take an extra jewel and... they ended up re-enacting a live version of that really hard level on a video game no one could beat in the day because the internet was still too young to answer any questions.

I'm... not sure our audience is old enough to get that reference.

W, they're old enough to put up with us killing characters in some of the most gruesome fashions possible. You stick to the serious and I'll make 'em laugh every so often.

Fine. As it turns out, the old man was actually a disguised Jafar who tried to murder Aladdin as soon as he received the lamp. But thanks to some quick hands on Abu, he didn't get it right then and there. After seemingly getting trapped somewhere in the depths of the Cave, Aladdin attempted to wipe some dust away from the writing on the lamp, unwittingly activating the very method of calling forth the djinn inside.

"Oy! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck!"

The Genie was a pretty easy-going fellow for someone who was trapped inside a tiny lamp for ten millennia. But his powers are anything but easy to understand. We're talking the ability to summon objects out of nowhere, communicate with a silent flying carpet, break parts of his body off without any negative consequence, shape-shift himself and anything into anything else, and somehow referencing a bunch of pop culture icons before they were even born.

Genie has something he described as "unlimited" magic. In addition to breaking reality and banishing storms, he can cast lightning and gravity-bending spells as well as the occasional time-stop, though these seem to happen randomly and comically.

At first, Genie was pretty much chained to the lamp and forced to obey whoever held it as his master. But after an epic showdown of tricking Jafar into wishing himself to be a genie with the same drawback of being chained to a lamp, Aladdin wished the big blue guy free.

While this did hinder some of Genie's power of the cosmos, he did gain the freedom of movement on his feet and as far away from his old lamp as he wanted. And it's difficult for anything to really threaten him directly except for beings with magic on similar or greater scales than his own. Any physical threats could be dealt with just by magically pulling himself back together.

Plus, he can clone himself over and over, summon food and clothing out of nothing, twist allies and enemies into other shapes, and switch his visible personality on the fly. Anyone would be hard-pressed to try and keep up with the antics of the Genie.

"I can't believe it. I'm losing to a rug."

///Death Battle\\

Discord
-Voice Actor: John de Lancie
-Species: Draconequus
-Age: 1,000+ years
-Home: A chaotic dimension filled with oddities such as monster birds, bat-winged pianos, and a bottomless pit landmark
-Arsenal of abilities: shape-shifting, size-altering, re-animation, teleporting, levitation, morality-switching, duplication, unpredictable magic
-Friends: Fluttershy... and possibly others (even he doesn't seem completely sure)
-Was trapped in stone by the Elements of Harmony... twice
-Currently on a side that isn't completely evil; still finds ways to cause mischief and be egotistical
-Overconfident and prone to temper tantrums

When you think of My Little Pony, what kind of creatures come to mind?

Unicorns... pegasi... land ponies... sea ponies... other talking creatures with hooves...

How about a creature composed of parts of a dragon, snake, eagle, lion, goat, bat, and a bird?

The hell have you been smoking, W?

Smoking is bad for you.

Gah! Oh, it's you. B clicks his shotgun. Don't try anything funny. That's my job.

Oh-ho, don't mind me. The creature smiles and holds his claw to the side. Please continue.

Yes... well... as he so rudely revealed, Discord has the power to break the fourth wall. It ties in well with his entire shtick, being the master of chaos. With that title comes a plethora of fun and mostly annoying powers. These include and are not limited to flipping the day and night sky around on a switch, altering the very material that the ground is composed of, giving life to inanimate objects, switching gravity around, teleporting, levitation, pulling body parts off and reappearing wherever they land, flipping ponies' personalities around, stealing color from or adding color to absolutely anything, and opening portals to other dimensions.

Don't forget the part where I can make a mean cucumber sandwich... and a nice cucumber sandwich... and an apathetic cucumber sandwich.

Well, aside from bringing Equestria to its metaphorical knees two times over at least a thousand year period, chaos was held off by the magic of friendship several times more than that. Still, that didn't stop him from inducing some local beavers with rage after being set free from stone a second time.

But eventually, Fluttershy the Element of Kindness managed to get to know him better and became his first close friend.

And more if the fan-fic writers ever get inside the studio.

No-no-no-no-no! Don't give them any ideas!

Too late. They're already formulating their plans.

Why do you keep coming back here? The director has not been quiet about disliking you.

Well obviously, I'm back by popular demand. We can't disappoint the fans, can we?

That... actually leads to one of your crucial weaknesses. Your ego and pride are so big that they can actually blind you from some bigger pictures and they enable enemies like Tirek or Chrysalis come up with ways to steal and/or counter your kind of magic. Plus, you're kind of quick to anger when someone has Fluttershy's undivided attention other than yourself.

Oh come on! That Tree Hugger was clearly stealing her away! That should be a freebie!

No./No.

Okay, but... counterpoint. *snap* You're goons. Hah.

Huh... so this is what a goon looks like. I always wondered what that fairy that cursed Little Bunny Frou-Frou was talking about when she made that threat.

Yeah... I could probably get some good data about this new body structure.

Well, if you're just going to take the fun out of it... Discord snaps the show hosts back to their normal selves. I'm going back to my trailer until the round starts. He vanishes in another snap.

Aww...

Despite his turn to the good side, he's always trying to push just how far he can annoy his quote, unquote "friends" before they retaliate. But this isn't without reason. If he isn't at least a little chaotic every day, he could very well vanish from existence... permanently.

Oh yeah. That almost happened when he tried to make a completely normal tea party happen at his house when Fluttershy visited him. But, he's been rubbing off on her so much that she managed to chaos the place enough to bring him back to his unpredictable self and prevent his animator from erasing him.

With everything he's been through, it's no wonder Discord is called a master of disharmony.

"Well, it's about time somepony got me out of that prison block. What a relief!"

///Death Battle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was hashtag not sponsored by Disney or Hasbro in any capacity. But right now, it's time for a Death Battle!

///Death Battle\\

Is it just me, or does the annual Grand Galloping Gala seem to be happening in Canterlot more frequently? Eh, I digress. There are several ponies in the background, wearing their fancy outfits and jewelry. The conversations are indistinguishable from each other as they echo off the large, tiled floor and marble walls. A certain draconequus is in a... black sweater vest and purple cape. Huh.

He seems to be trying to catch a certain pegasus' attention, but to no avail. She's a little distracted chuckling at something a certain green earth pony with reddish braids said. Finally, the draconequus has had enough. Fire erupts from his eyes and disintegrates his entire ensemble. With paw, he levitates the green pony up. With claw, he tears open a portal in reality.

"Whoa... dude... what is that?!" exclaims the green mare.

"Don't worry, Hugger!" The draconequus cackles madly. "I can assure you that it won't be too cold where you're going!"

A giant blue hand suddenly clogs the portal from the other side. At the same time, a police whistle blows. All of the attendees' eyes gaze in the direction of the noise. Something big, old, and blue pops onto the visible side of the portal and applies a jacket zipper, closing the portal about halfway. The entity pulls out a notepad of pink paper and a pen. He briefly licks his thumb before flipping the first page and hastily scribbling something down.

"Sir, littering is a serious crime that is not only illegal, but also immoral to the environment!" The entity rips off two pages and sticks one to either of the draconequus's horns. The notes read, "Bad," and "Boy," respectively. He picks up Tree Hugger from midair and gently plops her next to her pegasus friend. "Here, hold this for a minute."

"Whoa..." Tree Hugger puts a hoof against her head. "A lot of blue... but his vibes are a righteous gold."

The draconequus's anger somehow burns the notes on his horns into ashes. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"You can call me many things, mister!" The newcomer holds a palm to his chest and his other arm out. "Just don't call me late to the party!" He glances around the room. "Although, I guess you don't have to." A burst of light dresses him up in a white tuxedo. "Looks like I'm already fashionably late."

On the other side of the portal, a sentient rug plays the drums in a "ba-dum-tss" rim shot. Back on the Canterlot side, a pink earth pony lands on her back and laughs out loud.

The draconequus snaps himself a navy blue business suit. "Now you listen here and you listen good. I'm the only one who makes reality his bikkhe around here."

"Really? Well then bring it on, Johnny boy!" The newcomer replaces his tuxedo with a pair of boxing gloves and some shorts.

"FIGHT!"

Genie grows a thousand fists with boxing gloves and starts hammering away with all of them at once at the draconequus. Discord sounds strangely bored even as he exclaims various words of pain. The camera pans to show another Discord floating right behind the genie. Panning back to the original opponent reveals it to be a clone that pops itself like a balloon. The air released sounds more like a bomb, sending Genie flying back.

Discord changes shape into a giant snake and wraps around Genie's incoming body. He even hisses to sound more like an authentic serpent. Genie plops down horizontally before quickly rolling around. This results in the two bowling over ten pins that were somehow set up while no one was watching. Most of the ponies in the room start clearing out in panic.

After the impromptu strike, the combatants find themselves running around in circles. Each of their heads seem curiously centered on a baseball bat vertically attached to the floor. This eventually results in them wobbling around the room while trying and failing to stay in a straight line. They slam into each other, resulting in bursts of chocolate milk and fireworks.

Genie puts on a red tuxedo and performs a tap-dance routine. The image is completed with a red top hat and a brown cane. Suddenly, the cane flips around on Genie and alters the scene completely. Now, Discord is performing the Moskau kicking dance while holding a blue cane in his crossed front limbs. Upon lip-syncing to a laughing line, he tosses the cane to the side.

The cane poofs into Genie's default form. He pulls another change of clothes out of thin air. This time, it looks like some generic street clothes consisting of slacks, a jacket, various necklaces and bracelets, sunglasses, and a sideways baseball cap. In response, Discord conjures a school of flying fish that somehow swim through the air without water or gravity. The fish grow piranha fangs and start chewing up Genie's new duds.

Undeterred, Genie spins himself around with tornado speed. He magically gathers his torn up threads and all of the fish into a giant sushi platter. Miniature clones of himself pop into existence and each pick up one piece of sushi. These clones jump over and toss their respective fish-filled rice at the draconequus's face. The master of chaos is covered in pieces of rice that stick to him.

Discord wipes his face with his claw. He then snaps his claw and summons a wine glass in his tail's grasp. He moves the glass up to his mouth and makes gulping noises. Though, each gulp seems to fill the glass with a purple liquid until the glass is completely full. He then tosses it forward, creating a burst that resembles a flash bang grenade. Luckily for Genie, the sunglasses take the gist of the blast and blinding damage before crumpling to dust.

In the excitement, Discord summons three giant pony statues from the royal garden and brings them to life. Each of them aims their respectively held item in a posture that makes them look prepared to attack. Genie claps his hands and summons an elephant form Abu. The monkey-minded elephant lets out a cross between a screech and a toot before charging forward. The giant ponies shake along with the room before getting run over.

Genie dons the outfit of Bob Ross and paints a pretty scene on a canvas. "Care to call this a draw?"

"Au contraire, Big Blue." Discord paints the ceiling with rather life-like images of the main six ponies. "I've only begun my masterpiece."

In the next instant, the two of them are in jerseys. Discord is dribbling a basketball while Genie holds out his arms defensively. After a couple fake-outs, Discord jumps up and performs three somersaults before aiming for a slam dunk. Somehow, Genie jumps up through the hoop and knocks the ball away with his chin. The basketball flies across the impromptu court and hits nothing but the opposing net.

Next thing we can see, both Genie and Discord are conducting their own orchestras in this same hallway. Choirs, violins, brass, and woodwinds make up the base melody. Then suddenly... cannons. Cannons fire in all directions, right on the exact beats for the instrumental sections.

Glass windows shatter. Walls suffer heavy dents and cracking damage. The few ponies that haven't gotten out yet soon find themselves painfully expelled out. Cut to a random shot of shooting stars in a distant night sky. Genie and Discord start using their conductor's wands as fencing rapiers against each other. Discord yanks Genie's beard clean off. Finally, Genie pulls Discord by the tail and immediately releases it.

The tail rolls back and ensnares the entirety of Discord's body. It resembles the sound of window blinders rolling up into themselves. Genie flicks the makeshift blinders away with a couple fingers. The decor flies off into the distance, tied together via a blue-and-red ribbon.

"So long, eh Lancie!"

Ring Out!

///Death Battle\\

I...I couldn't follow that at all! What the *eff* was going on?!

Your... guess is as good as mine. We really should start expecting nothing to make sense when a fight involves reality-breakers. Both Genie and Discord had properties that made them nearly unbeatable by anyone that relied on physics and lesser magics. Both had thought patterns that were unpredictable and both had powers that break all convention of what one can consider normal.

Discord even had an early lead in that his body was probably unlike any creature that Genie had personally faced before.

However, proof beats potential, and officially Genie has been around longer than the recorded lore that Discord has been around. With that being the case, Genie's total experience and time to hone his personal power is of a much greater quality.

But W, Genie can't kill anybody. That's against his own rules!

Ah, that may be true... if he were actually bound by the rules of subservient genies. However, Aladdin used his third wish to set Genie free. As far as we can tell, his magic has only been trumped in canon by Jafar, who had used his own third wish to become "the most powerful genie in the world". Yes, there is somebody more powerful than Genie, but that somebody isn't Discord. There was even a tea party in his own house that Discord was worried he'd be late for, unlike Genie who can at least cast Stop magic for a few seconds.

I suppose you've got a point. I mean, Genie was impersonating some comedic talents before they were even a big hit. Whereas, Discord has been shown to rely on comedians that already came and went. It's not out-of-bounds to say that Genie has practiced magic and nonsense that were beyond what Discord could immediately comprehend and counter.

Discord certainly put up a good fight of mind games. But ultimately experience, time, and natural talent gave the slight edge to the Genie.

Genie really wrapped this battle up. He Robin'ed the John de win. He really had the William for this fight.

D-Don't push it, B.

Hey, why so blue?

*sigh* The winner is Genie.

///Death Battle\\

Next time on Death Battle...

*A critical flash twinkles.* "You're gonna need stitches!"

*An eye twitches followed by a forced smile.* "Is there something I can help you with?"

Author's Note

It's about time to wrap up St. Patrick's Day. I hope that little tickling contest between Discord and Genie entertained you sufficiently. See you next time, whenever that happens to be.

You're Going to Need Stitches!

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

Time to pull a needle-and-thread out of the reserve list.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Intelligent Systems.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

Beauty is in the *something gets stabbed* MY EYE!

External beauty is a quality that some people say is an expression of what exists within. The right clothes, makeup, and treatment is said to bring inner beauty out for others to admire.

Or you could just use it to cover your inner ugliness, like W and I do.

Yea- Hey!

Oboro, the seamstress retainer of Prince Takumi in Fire Emblem Fates.

Rarity, the inspiring generosity from My Little Pony.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///Death Battle\\

Oboro
-Human; spear fighter
-Lost her parents to a bandit attack
-Scowl is said to be demonic in appearance
-Once part of a family-owned kimono shop; likes to express her interest in fashion with her allies
-Fights best with a spear weapon
-Relatively balanced stats; low magic and low resistance to magic
-Seal Defense and Seal Speed: lowers the respective stats of enemies she makes contact with; wears off after one turn of combat
-Loses her temper and focus when thinking about "Nohrian scum"

In a fictional realm, there exist two kingdoms of legendary quality. They say that the sun never shines over Nohr while Hoshido is as bright as the day. Their people and customs take these sayings to heart in how things are run. While Hoshido is plentiful in resources and life, Nohr faces the harsh shade and conquers other nations for food and supplies.

What's with all the conflicts revolving around day and night? Clearly daytime is better. That's when all the vampires burst into flames, like my ex-wife!

On the contrary, nighttime is better. That's when I can do all of my secret projects without fear of interruption.

What? What?

...

Anyway, long story short, every prince and princess in these kingdoms has their own personal retainers. It's kind of like if you cross a servant with a kick*ss warrior.

Under Prince Takumi is the samurai Hinata and the spear fighter Oboro.

Oboro used to be a happy child making dresses in her parents' kimono shop. But then some bandits from Nohr showed up and they killed her parents while she was still hidden. So, naturally, her hatred for everything in Nohr grew to the point where she kind of looks like my ex-wife if you so much as mention the word Nohr in front of her.

As a protector of the Hoshido family, she focused her training on what is likely the style of sojutsu, the samurai art of spear fighting. In battle, this style gives her a slight advantage when fighting against enemies that use swords or magic scrolls. She suffers a disadvantage when facing a tough enemy wielding an axe or a bow.

Don't think she's always safe against magic-users. Her low magic and resistance stats indicate that she doesn't have a whole lot of options when fighting with or against spells and summoned spirits. As long as her enemy is dishing out physical pain, she can usually give as well as she takes.

If an ally is suffering, she can swap positions with them on the battlefield to protect them. She also has skills that can lower her enemies defense and speed when making contact with them, but these effects don't last longer than one combat turn each.

When she's not fighting, you can usually find her cleaning up in the mess hall or trying to sew dresses for her allies, whether they want her to or not.

She also has a bit of a shy crush on her master Takumi. This insecurity is probably what leads to her sharp tongue when criticizing other allies' fashion sense, particularly the ninja Saizo and his rugged appearance.

*sigh* I'll never understand women... except you, Mama B. You stay awesome!

Oboro is also quick-tempered when it comes to the looks and actions of people from Nohr. If she isn't careful, she can easily lose track of her own actions when trying to stamp out what she considers evil.

"Oh. That's. It!" After she defeats her enemy, she twirls her weapon around herself. "How do I look?"

///Death Battle\\

Rarity
-Unicorn; seamstress and gem-finder
-Lives separate from her parents and sister on the other side of Ponyville
-Uses four different sound effects at once when expressing disbelief
-Owns boutiques in Ponyville, Canterlot, and Manehattan
-Can fight with both her magic and her hooves
-Magic is very good at finding gemstones and controlling multiple small objects at once; not excessively strong in any particular magic-based attacks
-Virtue: "Generosity"; vice: greedy impulses
-Typically better at outsmarting an enemy than using brute force

Where does one expect to find someone all about glamour and sophistication? Most in Equestria would point to Canterlot where the princesses and the nobility resides.

Not this one. Rarity is from what is apparently treated as a nitty-gritty town, Ponyville.

Considering how she holds herself up, you'd be hard-pressed to figure out how she's related to her parents and younger sister. Regardless, Rarity was passionate about making dresses and especially considerate about how spectacular they would look on other ponies. One day, when she was just a filly, her magic acted up and lead her over a comically long distance. There, she faced... her destiny.

"A rock?! That's my destiny?! What is your problem, horn?"

But wait! Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom created an explosion that shook the mountain she was standing on and cracked that big rock right open. It was filled with all kinds of jewels.

In Equestria, it seems every gem you can find is already perfectly and precisely cut. Plus, multiple gems of different composition and color can all be found in the exact same geode, which is very different from how it works in real life. Let's move on before I break something out of sheer stupidity.

Really? I didn't think you were that stupid, W.

AAAAAUGH!

Hypothetical IQ aside, Rarity had a knack for not only finding gems but incorporating the gems so perfectly into the dresses that they both bedazzled the crowds and earned her a cutie mark. I'd say that was the weirdest way to get a hip tattoo I've ever heard, but then I'd be lying.

Rarity's magic isn't just good at finding valuable gems. She can also light up her horn in the dark and has enough telekinetic prowess to manipulate multiple sewing and dress-related items at once. These include a number of needles, fabrics, scissors, and what appears to be at least eight pony-shaped mannequins at once.

She can also hold up a small barrier shield, though it's kind of hard to be impressed by that when compared to shields that Twilight can put up. Still, I don't usually see Twilight in as many hoof-to-face combat situations as Rarity is willing to get into. Since when can ponies perform Taekwondo kicks and standard bikkhe-slaps?

Apparently, she's strong enough to kick Applejack off the screen, even though Rarity can't kick more than one apple off a tree with multiple kicks, while Applejack can clear all of the fruit from an entire tree with one kick. Physical strength is absurd and inconsistent in Equestria.

Didn't your mom once punch you down even though you can break a hole in the wall while she can't?

... I thought we agreed to never speak of that again.

Oh, I crossed my fingers behind my back when we shook on it.

Ugh, you would. While Rarity is strongest when exemplifying her element of generosity, her true strength is most likely that of inspiration, the trait that enables her to create an outfit that suits the pony rather than trying to make it the other way around. Similarly, she can also recognize when someone is experiencing a negative emotion just by looking at them.

Yeah, but she can't always recognize when she should stop talking, like when she slipped up and told a red dragon that she intended to take his entire stash. Whoops!

And her state of priorities is sometimes inconvenient to those around her, like when she admitted to wearing false eyelashes and added the confession to stealing of some of Pinkie Pie's cake creation as an afterthought.

Still, she's not someone I'd want to piss off by hurting her friends or messing up her mane.

"But I thought you wanted whining!"

///Death Battle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a sweatshop battle! ... I mean Death Battle!

///Death Battle\\

Another replica of Canterlot is recently finished and running like its alternate universe versions. Within what seems like barely a few seconds to the audience, several stores ring their welcome bells. A pretty, light gray unicorn trots along. Her long purple curls shift a little as her horn levitates several colorful shopping bags at once. She hums a tune reminiscent to the chorus to "We're Not Flawless".

Meanwhile, a lady with long blue hair and an orange silk outfit runs around. She frantically looks this way and that way. Her hands grip the spear by her side. She groans as she looks up one alley and sees nothing.

"How did I let Hinata talk Lord Takumi into going to see yet another sword-fighting competition?" She pulls out a map and her eyes skim over the illustration. "He didn't even say where it was before he bolted."

The woman keeps running along. Trotting along the opposite direction, the unicorn brings the bags up to her sight one at a time. She checks to make sure she has everything she needs. At just the instant that neither of their eyes are watching where they are going, there is a collision. Both of them gasp while bags, their contents, and the map scatter along the street.

"Oh my!" The unicorn shakes her head before standing back up. "I'm dreadfully sorry about that, darling. I wasn't paying attention."

"No, no... I was the one who wasn't..." The lady brushes some loose dirt off her dress before taking a look at the source of the other voice. "... watching."

The purple curl in the pony's mane catches the woman's attention. Her eyes widen as we get treated to a brief flashback. Purple hair flows down another lady's head. The... um... perhaps too healthy size of body parts on the chest jiggle, barely contained by the dark outfit. A soft, yet deep giggle echoes as an axe slams into the dirt under a bowman's feet.

Back in the present, the woman grips her spear tightly. Her frown turns into a snarl. Despite her hair not quite covering her eyes, the light still manages to leave her forehead. Her eyes stare ahead, as if trying to ignite something on fire with her mind. It doesn't actually set anything ablaze, but it's still a rather intimidating attempt.

"Nohrian scum!" The woman yells as she whirls her weapon around.

The unicorn jumps back, narrowly avoiding the weapon's point. "That's an awfully barbaric response to an accident, don't you think?!"

"FIGHT!"

Oboro runs forward and jerks her spear ahead of her. Rarity quickly puts up a small defensive barrier. It's enough to deflect the tip of the spear. Oboro spins her pole around to try and get a whacking hit in. Rarity shifts her small barrier spell around and blocks the next two incoming slashes.

However, the shield seems to be shrinking without Rarity's input. She gasps and ducks out of the way of the next spear strike. She jumps up and kicks Oboro right in the face. She then lets loose a few more kicks, forcing Oboro on the defensive. Oboro attempts to push out with both arms. The horizontal push is enough to sent Rarity sliding on her hooves.

Oboro's face appears briefly in a flashy illustration across the screen. "You're going to need stitches!"

As she twirls her spear around for a hard-hitting strike, Rarity's magic focuses on one of her shopping bags. A sky blue roll of silk flies out of it and wraps around Oboro's legs. Predictably, Oboro falls over as Rarity gallops out of the falling spear's way.

Oboro growls as her feet struggle to separate. "Hey! You're wasting perfectly good fabric!"

"You're right, aqua is a terrible color for you." Rarity pulls another roll out of the bag. "Try some cinnamon!"

A shade of red flies out and wraps around Oboro's midsection, ensnaring one of her arms in the process. Oboro grunts and wiggles, trying to get out of the impromptu bindings. Rarity humphs to herself and starts collecting her belongings. She stumbles upon an unfamiliar map. She stares at the detailed illustration in silent contemplation. Little x's are drawn on various points of the map.

At the same time, Oboro manages to start moving her spear back and forth along the fabric binding her legs. Once she frees that up, she reaches up and works on sawing through the red fabric. In seconds, she's out of her trap and runs toward the unicorn. Rarity closes her eyes and magic twinkles in another bag. Several pins and sewing needles fly out and aim their points directly at Oboro.

Oboro yells out as she brings her spear around, when she suddenly feels several sharp pains in her back at once. It's difficult to see the pins and needles hurting her, but she turns around all the same. Rarity nods and rolls up the map for further use. For now, she levitates a couple pairs of scissors and a bottle of wonder glue at her opponent. Despite the pricks in her back, Oboro manages to swing her spear around to deflect the incoming projectiles.

Rarity's magic pulls out from the third shopping bag. A pound of fake feathers fly around. Oboro swings her spear around, trying to keep them away. However, some of the feathers' tips manage to dart around and poke her.

"Augh! My eyes!" She drops what she's doing to reach up with both hands to remove the obtrusive sharp objects.

Oboro blinks through bleary vision to find that the swarm of crafting objects is no longer trying to attack her. She exhales out of bittersweet relief. She gasps while patting her sides. Her spear is absent from the position she normally carries it.

"You can have this back, darling!"

Oboro's eyes go wide as something pierces her spine and goes all the way through. She shakes as she looks down... at the bloody spear tip sticking out of her chest. She reaches a hand toward her chest as she struggles to voice a last breath.

"Mother... Father... Lord Takumi... I'm sorry..." Oboro crumples into a horizontal heap along the ground.

K.O.!

///Death Battle\\

Heh heh. The backstab: one of my favorite ways to watch someone die.

Normally, neither of these two characters would be the first ones out on a battlefield. They are fashionistas at heart and prefer form over function. However, they have both been in instances where they have had to fight. Most of the Fire Emblem cast has more battle experience than the My Little Pony cast. But knowing what's coming doesn't necessarily prepare you to stop it.

Oboro's weapon is perfect for deflecting swords and poking holes in someone's magic tome. That's great! But Rarity doesn't rely on ancient books. She's just got magic for days.

With such a low resistance against enemy magic attacks, there wasn't a whole lot Oboro could do to protect herself against Rarity's magic. This is especially true in the sense that Rarity's arsenal isn't very orthodox for a combat setting, adding a layer of unpredictability that Oboro's headstrong approach couldn't work against.

Rarity may have more girly emotions than her peers, but so does Oboro. Neither of them was going to get any edge in terms of keeping her cool.

Plus, Rarity can adapt her magical use to materials in the environment when her shop's tools aren't available. Oboro's best with a spear... and that's about it.

Just magically yank that out of her grip and she's pretty much stumped for an attack plan.

With Rarity capable of using magic on objects even when her eyes aren't directly on them, Oboro wasn't going to get much advantage even if she got the first attack. Oboro's blind rage and Rarity's slight unpredictability were what decided the end result.

Oboro wasn't dressed for success.

The winner is Rarity.

///Death Battle\\

Author's Note

First Kingdom Hearts, then Fire Emblem Fates... what will my next fascination be?

Secret Agent "P"

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

Wanted to find a way to fit the Phineas and Ferb cartoon in here somewhere.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Disney.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

~Secret... Agent Man...~

You don't normally see them there. When you do see them, you don't know it. But they are looking out for public safety in ways you never thought possible.

Whether they're saving the milk for your dry cereal or infiltrating corrupt governments for information, spies are out there, working behind the scenes.

Special Agent Sweetie Drops from Canterlot's anti-monster agency. Alias: Bon Bon.

Agent P from the Organization Without a Cool Acronym. Secret Identity: Perry the Platypus.

Some of their records have been lost to time, but we can still come to a conclusion with the files we've recovered.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Special Agent Sweetie Drops
-AKA "Bon Bon"; earth pony
-Best friend: Lyra Heartstrings
-Part of a now defunct super-secret, anti-monster agency that was founded in Canterlot
-Disbanded and evidence burned when the bugbear escaped from Tartarus
-Ability: blending into the background; only rabid fans scouring the scene can find traces of her existence
-Retained tools of the trade: a climbing rope with hook, sunglasses, an assortment of disguises including a wristwatch, a mustache, and several hats
-Participated in some sporting events while simultaneously cheering from the bleachers
-Fighting experience: unknown

Main characters typically take center-stage in any story. The journey they take and conflicts they get involved with are important to us, after all.

But sometimes, you have to wonder what the heck that random character way in the back of the scene was up to while the dragon was crushing buildings.

Well then, let's offer fifteen minutes of fame to a pony with bubblegum colors for a mane and the wrapped candy pieces for a cutie mark. To the rest of Equestria, she's known as Bon Bon. But underneath that innocent, occasionally sarcastic earth pony, there exists a spy that once worked as a secret agent. Her real name... is Sweetie Drops.

You know what's strange? People thought for the longest time that her best friend Lyra was the weird one, what with her tendency to jump up and down with a creepy grin, sit like a human being, and a rumor that she wanted to see the mythical artifact known as hands. But nope! The unicorn is actually the straight and narrow one in the relationship. Who'd have thunk it?

While her exact mission briefings are unknown, we do know that Sweetie Drops once worked for an undercover, anti-monster agency founded in Canterlot. Some of the prime targets of this agency were from Tartarus, such as the aptly named bug-bear... which is literally a ring-tail wasp with a ferocious panda bear as its body.

What... the... f-

Sweetie Drops has an affinity for blending into crowds and taking silent notes of the situation. She can even be in the crowd while participating in the very sporting event that she is watching, such as the Running of the Leaves, the ponies' transitional event from autumn to winter where they run across the land and shake the colorful leaves out of the trees.

How does that make any sense?

In fact, there is one scene during that very fall event where she managed to have two spectators' positions and an official racer's starting position.

Are you sure that's not just lazy animation?

Not at all. Some of Twilight's friends from Canterlot explained that they're always visiting Ponyville and citizens from Ponyville are always visiting them. So those two locations where it seems like the exact same ponies are in the background, actually do have the exact same ponies running around. Therefore, Sweetie Drops really is in all three of those seen positions at once.

... I think my brain just broke.

Sweetie Drops has a rope with a climber's hook attached to it hidden somewhere within her reach at all times to allow her to escape from the top floors of buildings undetected. She also carries an assortment of accessories for quick disguises.

Huh. ... Hey I just had a thought. If Sweetie Bons' cover was so important, why the heck would she reveal her true identity to Lyra just because a bug-bear was attacking? It looked like the main character ponies were taking care of the situation pretty well.

The bug-bear was a creature specifically stated to have been trapped in Tartarus, not just the usual wildlife of the Everfree Forest. Considering the last creature to escape from Tartarus was the magic-stealing centaur Tirek, who could slam through mountains from fifteen hundred feet away in less than a second, Sweetie Drops was right to be worried. She might have thought it could be her last day alive. She had to give some explanation to her closest friend instead of just being gone one day.

Yeah... friend... *B's tone sounds sarcastic*

Unfortunately, the recovered file data ends there. Aside from her human counterpart in the high school world, there's not much to measure her true strength. Though to be fair, it's probably safe to start comparing their levels of strength, given that the portal to Equestria keeps leaking magic between worlds.

So, we can include how she can chip a statue of herself in a particular pose at the precise timing that she strikes the portrayed pose?

And the part where she can dress up like an owl in little to no time flat before... imitating a... bird-fighting simulator... Okay, you know what? Let's just forget that we brought that up.

Yeah, I think we traveled too far into Weirdsville for a second there.

In any case, you might want to keep an eye out for the pony crowds. Chances are, Sweetie Drops is taking part in seeing the event and making sure she's also in it.

"I have to find a crowd to blend into before I put you in danger! I'll see you at the wedding." Sweetie Drops salutes, then hops out the window.

///DeathBattle\\

Agent P
-Alias: Perry the Platypus
-A primary operative in O.W.C.A., or "The Agency", a group that employs mostly animals as spies
-Plays the part of a mindless pet of the Flynn-Fletcher family in Danville or "The Tri-State Area"
-Wears a fedora and stands on his hind legs when at work
-Nemesis: Dr. Heinz "The Ocelot" Doofenshmirtz
-Fast swimmer, high endurance, martial artist, and adaptable to different combat environments
-Common tools: helicopter propeller, dart gun that doubles as a grappling hook, hang glider, parachute, jet pack, cybernetic business cards
-Can read through multiple language-translator books in a matter of seconds
-Cannot reveal identity as a spy to his family or he risks being reassigned forever

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation, and school comes along just to end it.

On what planet?!

Hmm... I'm going to have to agree with you there. As far as I can tell, aside from some unfortunate historical events, campuses for public education only stop their school years for an average of 75-90 sequential days labeled "summer". Obviously, Phineas and Ferb's version of Earth is fictitious and can get away with several aspects that defy all logic.

I want summer vacations back in my life.

B, you spend most of your summers guzzling away my supply of beer before going out and shooting a random wild animal... or pedestrian. Did I ever mention how many lawsuits I've had to cover your **s for?

Yeah, but it's not the same!

Anyway, while the boys are hard at work trying to invent something or complete a big, project of fun that's over the top and over the budget of any middle-class family, their pet platypus constantly appears absent. That's because Perry the Platypus is in fact... a spy agent!

Is he some kind of bird-beaver? Why is he green?

The platypus is a real aquatic mammal. Aside from some species of echidna, it's the only known mammal to lay eggs instead of giving live births.

Wait... are you saying... that this spy and Knuckles... can lay eggs?! ... I just got a new omelette idea.

Back on track, Perry's addition to the Flynn-Fletcher family wasn't an accident. From the moment he was placed in the pet store, he was already trained in the ways of silent reconnaissance and infiltration. This carries over to his methods of action in the modern day and age. His preferred method of battling foes involves pecking, tail-slapping, and mixed martial arts.

He's a member of O.W.C.A.: the Organization Without a Cool Acronym. For whatever reason that's never explained, every single agent in that group is an animal, except for the boss Major Monogram and Carl the intern. ... Did we remember to feed our intern today?

I'll add it to the bottom of my to-do list. But what would a secret agency be without a few evil foes to combat against on a regular basis? Enter Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Surprisingly, this joke of a scientist was raised in early childhood by a family of ocelots. This allowed him technical eligibility to become an agent for O.W.C.A. While he was good at tinkering with machines and their construction, he wasn't exactly good at keeping them from destroying property or from hurting other members. Understandably, he was fired after too many failed inventions.

So, Doofus figured if he couldn't work well as a good guy, then he'd be the most evil villain in the tri-state area. He even acquired an entire building for his one-man corporation... with a catchy jingle to match.

~Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated~

Fortunately, dealing with the guy that keeps getting mistaken for a pharmacist is right within Agent P's capabilities. Though he constantly falls for one of the doctor's traps at the start of every mission, he's usually out before the latest evil scheme can cause any lasting harm. His tail can apparently saw through thermoplastic with ease and his limbs are usually small enough to slide right out of any restraints.

Plus, those fighting styles we mentioned are perfect for kicking the Doof's Heinz-quarters. Eh heh heh!

*sigh* Perry has a plethora of tools when his own body isn't enough. These include a helicopter propeller in his hat, a hang-glider, a parachute, a jet pack, and a dart gun that functions as a grappling hook. He can also prep a decoy instantly to escape any traps that may have accounted for his smaller limb size... especially when his escape doesn't make any sense.

And he can pull his toys out of thin air, as well as an uncanny ability to adapt his fighting style to the objects in his surrounding environment... like that time he used a hot dog to fight against Doof's bratwurst... or a wrench to fight a wrench.

He's a great actor, playing the part of a mindless pet so his family doesn't suspect a thing. His clever disguise is... removing his hat and pointing his eyes away from each other. I am getting Clark Kent levels of disbelief here.

Well, he can swim fast enough to overtake a full-speed motorboat! That's pretty neat, right?

Yes. Yes, it is.

For a tiny swimming creature, he's been through a lot and still pulls through at the end of the day. What can't he do?

Despite his cybernetic business card claiming that Agent P is "fearless", he does have one particular concern every day that exists in The Agency's policy. Should his secret ever be revealed to the Flynn-Fletchers, he'll be forced to leave his host family and never get to see them again.

Huh. That kind of sucks. They're technically giving him free food and shelter, so... yeah. Being forced to leave forever would be pretty bad for him.

Fortunately, they seem to be easily distracted and fooled as they've never caught sight of his numerous secret getaways and passages... at least, not without some kind of convenient memory-wipe immediately afterward.

Plus the giant roller coasters, robots, and other social events that the boys put together seem to occupy the attention of everybody else that could get suspicious. Hmm... Where do Phineas and Ferb get the budget for all that equipment? You'd think them signing for parts through their parents' credit cards on a daily basis would draw more than their crazy sister's attention.

No one knows. Besides, there's never any evidence of their shenanigans after the fact. Usually, it's because of a misfire from one of Doofenshmirtz's machines after Perry defeats him.

So... that not-pharmacist is actually doing more efficient cleanups as a bad guy than he ever did as a good guy?

Pretty much.

Nice job fixing it, villain!

One of the latest evil machines self-destructs as Agent P flies away with his gear.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouts, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

It's a nice, sunny day upon an exact replica of a suburban neighborhood. A mother takes the family car and drives off to run some errands. Out in a backyard, two boys sit and relax under a tree. One appears to be a triangle with a tuft of red hair. The other boy looks like a cylinder with a patch of green hair. The first boy pulls out a rolled-up blueprint.

Phineas opens the paper up. "Okay, so I believe I've compiled a list of everything we'll need to help Isabella see her first unicorn."

Ferb blankly stares at his brother, before giving a thumbs up.

Phineas looks around. "Hey, where's Perry?"

Unbeknownst to either of them, the green Platypus is just around the corner of their house. He hops onto his webbed feet and dons his uniform: a classically brown fedora. He quietly knocks on a board of the wall. Instantly, a hatch just big enough for him to fit through opens up. He rushes through the hole in the wall before it automatically shuts.

In the next second, the silent protagonist is sliding down a system of transparent pipes. A chihuahua wearing the same kind of fedora passes by in a nearby pipe pathway. He tips his fedora before disappearing from the viewer's sight. Meanwhile, the platypus continues until he lands cleanly on an orange chair in front of an oversized computer monitor. He punches a couple of the buttons before the screen turns on and the picture comes into focus.

"Good morning, Agent P!" The mustached Major Monogram gives a quick nod before continuing. "Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again. It seems he's combining two of his previous Inators. You know what they say: two bads don't make a good."

"Um, sir," interrupts the voice of the intern off to the side, "don't you mean 'two wrongs don't make a right'?"

Major Monogram looks to his left, rather miffed. "Carl, what did I tell you about interrupting me while I'm briefing the agents?"

"Not to do that, sir?"

"Exactly!"

"Sorry, sir."

The man on screen shifts his gaze back down and forward. "Anyway, put a stop to Doofenshmirtz' evil scheme, Agent P!"

Agent P salutes before hopping out of the chair. The platypus straps on a jet pack and the plumes of fire rocket him out through a tunnel exit. The camera shifts to show a side-view as he enters the atmosphere, a few stories above most of the houses' rooftops.

~Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated~

As the jingle so helpfully points out, a skyscraper with that exact name painted across the top floor is at the center of the shot. Agent P flies over to one side of the open floor before touching down. He turns off his jet pack and unstraps himself. He does a couple fancy cartwheels before kicking a door in. He jumps about twenty feet into the room, when a cream pie suddenly slams him in the face.

When the platypus gets a moment to notice his surroundings, he appears to be a creamed mess that's trapped in the spring of a makeshift jack-in-the-box.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, so unhappy to see you." His ugly nemesis in a white lab coat walks out of a badly lit shadow. "And by unhappy, I mean un-unhappy. See, it's a double-negative 'cause I'm actually quite happy to see you trapped." He scratches his chin. "At least, I think that's how you say un-unhappy." He waves his hand dismissively. "Anyway..."

Agent P tries wiggling about. At first glance, this just seems to be causing the jack's spring to stretch and contract with no change in his position or discomfort. For now, he settles for giving the pharmacist the stink eye. Said pharmacist gives a similar glare at his ceiling.

"If you keep calling me that, I'm going to dedicate the next few minutes inventing a Painfully-Kill-The-Narrator-inator!"

The platypus agent looks left, then right, before tilting his head questionably.

"Sorry, Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz turns around, looking sincerely apologetic. "I've had a severe case of hearing beyond the fourth lately. At first I thought it would be cool to be able to break reality, but as it turns out it's very annoying and I could accidentally erase all of Danville if I do it too often. And if Danville is destroyed, what would I have left to take over?"

Despite being trapped, Agent P reaches up his front right limb and scratches behind his head.

"Anyway, you're not here for that." The doctor resumes his goofy smile. "Behold, the Trans-Evil-inator!" He pulls back a sheet, revealing a contraption that looks like a discombobulation of several mechanical and electrical parts. "You see, I've been thinking too small. Why create just one Inator when I could have two for a slightly lower cost than the two separate Inators? This is but the first prototype in what I intend to be a long succession of fused Inators." He looks at his trapped nemesis, and points at his machine. "The Trans-Evil-inator takes the concept of my Transdimension-inator and combines it with my Evil-inator from a few schemes back. With the right settings, I can transport something from another dimension into this one and make it completely evil at the same time, and I don't even need to switch machines to do it."

Agent P's tails starts sliding back and forth along one section of the jack's spring.

"And once I have my mystery evil, transdimensional object, I will use it to rule the Tri-State Area!" Doofenshmirtz laughs, coughs, takes a drink from a nearby glass of water, and then laughs again. "Here comes the first of many new evils."

He turns some dials and presses a button. The Trans-Evil-inator whirs to life with a strange pattern of lights. A rift inside the doctor's room takes the shape of a green disk. The disk opens up and pulls something unusual through. Whatever it is falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"Now, Perry the Platypus, meet your doom at the nonexistent mercy of..." He loses his smirk when he gets a better look at what he summoned. "A life-sized Barble-Mare doll? How is that supposed to spell doom for anyone?" He starts fiddling with the dials again. "Maybe I need to pinpoint better coordinates."

Agent P leaps in from off screen and kicks Doofenshmirtz in the back of the head. The impact sends the doctor falling over a few feet away from the machine.

"Perry the Platypus?!" He groans. "I should have known you wouldn't give up on escaping my cleverly designed trap."

The mare that was accidentally summoned slowly stares ahead. Her eyes look like they're covered in a blood-red haze. She lets out a whinny before galloping forward.

"Wait, no! I'm supposed to be your evil master!" Doofenshmirtz yells while struggling to get on his feet. "Stay back! I command you to back the schnitzel up!"

As soon as the scientist's other leg straightens out, the pony makes contact with a slam of her back hooves. Doofenshmirtz is sent flying out of a window. The broken glass seems to add injury to insult by following his trajectory.

"Curse you, Perry the- Sorry! Force of habit! Curse you, randomly summoned horse toy!"

The pony turns its red eyes toward the last remaining occupant of the room. Agent P blinks, uncertain of what to make of this situation. The pony makes it simple by tapping the Trans-Evil-inator again. Another green rift spits out a silver briefcase onto the floor. The mare opens it up and puts on a pair of sunglasses. In response, Agent P gets into a fighting stance and performs a taunt with his front limb.

"FIGHT!"

Agent Sweetie Drops takes the taunt and gallops forward. She closes the distance between them and jabs with her left hoof. Perry raises an arm to slap the hoof away, while taking a swing with his opposite arm. Sweetie ducks her head before headbutting the platypus right under his bill.

Agent P voices a disgruntled chitter before pecking repeatedly at his opponent's mane. Despite her current, inexplicably evil state of mind, she still voices grumblings of pain at every peck. After a good ten or so pecks, she quickly spins around. Her tail smacks her foe away. Just as Perry is about to hit a wall, he holds his own tail straight out. His tail bends upon contact with the wall, but he slows down considerably.

In the next second, his tail straightens back out and launches him forward. He collides with the pony, resulting in a dust cloud fight. Aside from the occasional limb from either combatant sticking out, it's difficult to tell who is gaining an advantage if any. A suspiciously familiar-looking light gray, blue, and pink pony appears off to the side of the rumble and she cheers herself on. In the next instant, a third Sweetie Drops appears and roots with similar opinions as the first look-alike.

The dust clears, showing Perry and the first Sweetie Drops right in each other's face. Agent P looks around and is surprised when he sees two more ponies with the same color and build. He looks around between the three of them a few times. In doing so, he leaves himself open to his first opponent pinning him to the floor. He wriggles around, but seems stuck under her hooves.

Perry's tail whacks straight up between Sweetie Drops' hind legs. The picture pauses on a photo-negative shot of the pony's cringing face. She rolls off onto her back while reaching down her front hooves to... um... assess the damages. She winces and shuts her eyes tight.

Meanwhile, the platypus pulls out a grappling hook and shoots it up toward the ceiling. He quickly raises himself and swings around. His webbed feet kick the two spectator Sweetie Drops. This sends both of the extra ponies flying over into their first self. Only one Sweetie Drops is left as she slides along the floor, struggling to stand back up.

Evil's red eyes still glow firmly in Sweetie Drops' sockets. She pulls out a length of rope and swings around the climbing hook on one end of it. After a few practice spins, she throws the rope hook-first, straight at the enemy. Agent P activates the helicopter propeller in his hat. Then, he tosses the hat horizontally.

The spinning metal collides with the four hooks of metal and the parts scramble into each other. The rest of the rope falls short of its target. Meanwhile, the hat flies back like a boomerang to Perry's grasp and head. He then picks up the end of the rope closest to him and gives it his own spin. Before Sweetie Drops can retaliate, she finds herself twisted up in her own rope. She neighs in frustration while struggling to get out.

Agent P runs over to his jet pack and brings it back with him. He holds up the jet booster right next to the trapped pony's face. He flicks the "Turbo" switch on. A huge stream of flame shoots out, melting Sweetie Belle's features and singeing the rope that she was tied in. Immediately after, Perry loses control of the jet pack and it flies itself right into the Trans-Evil-inator. The machines explode upon contact with each other.

Somehow, that duo of explosions cause a chain reaction of other explosions in the Doofenshmirtz building. Agent P makes a mad dash around new debris and fire. He jumps off the balcony and triggers his hang-glider. He escapes the exploding building without a word.

~Agent P!~

K.O.!

///DeathBattle\\

I'm not sure if Michael Bay should be proud, crying, or suing this chain of events.

This really shouldn't have been a surprise. While it's possible that Sweetie Drops could potentially have the raw strength advantage as an earth pony, Perry simply outclassed her in everything else.

While his owners equate his actions to "not much", there is proof that he actually has done a whole deal, including saving all of his host family members in some form or another at least once. Meanwhile, there's not a whole lot of proof that Sweetie Drops has physically rescued her friend from the clutches of evil aside from some implications.

And Perry has Sweetie Drops beat in experience and tactics. While it's possible that Sweetie has taken some equivalent to the activities as her human counterpart, none of it really stems beyond acting like she's fighting. Whereas, Perry has genuinely fought Doofenshmirtz and a few other enemies from time to time. Plus, he had a larger arsenal of options to choose from in mobility and actually fighting than Sweetie who was limited by lack of shown feats and a lack of materials at her disposal.

Bon Bon's chance to win melted away.

The winner is Perry the Platypus.

///DeathBattle\\

~She's a hard-to-be-spotted, earth pony off in the background
She has a different voice in every scene that play-ee-ays
She's got two colors in mane
And three candies wrapped the same
And another mare whose friendship will never fade~
~She's Bon Bon
Bon Bon the Earth Pony
Bon Bon...~
(You can call her Sweetie Drops)
~Bon Bon the Earth Pony~
(I said, "Call her Sweetie Drops.")

~Agent Sweetie Drops~

Author's Note

Probably put too much into this one. Meh, that's about what I usually do when I'm too enthused.

Under Lock-Heart and Trick-Key

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

Those that show and tell without doing, tend to get whiplash.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, J. K. Rowling, and Heyday Films.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

I swear Houdini is rolling in his grave.

Street performers, Broadway magic acts, self-proclaimed "greatest"... If there's one thing the entertainment business tends to eat up, it's a good magic act.

But some let the act get to their heads and can't hold their own when an actual crisis occurs.

We have Gilderoy Lockhart, from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

... and Trixie from the Friendship is Magic series. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Gilderoy Lockhart
-Half-blood wizard, author, and painter
-Appeared in Book/Movie 2
-Served as Hogwarts professor in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class (1992-1993 school year)
-House: Ravenclaw
-Earned many awards including a "Most Charming Smile Award" five times
-Favorite color: lilac
-Wand type: a nine-inch cherry wood with dragon heartstring
-Allegedly knows the disarming spell (Expelliarmus) and definitely knows the memory erasing spell (Obliviate)
-Actually stole memories away from the people that did the heroic acts, and then promptly claimed credit to himself
-Accidentally erased all of his own memories after casting with Ron Weasley's broken wand

Psychoanalysts describe the ego as the part of the mind that rests between the conscious and the unconscious. It is responsible for testing the limits of reality and how an individual identifies himself. It is both powerful and fragile, kind of a glass cannon in the dimension of thought.

So it's the part that tells you you're the greatest man on Earth but also the part that feels pain whenever it is told a "your mama" joke.

It is important to master one's own ego to ensure that you remember your worth, but also not to forget to ground yourself in what is feasible.

Tell that to Gilderoy Lockhart. The dude's got his head so far up his rear that he could probably end up digesting his food twice every meal.

While there are several magical feats to be proud of when sharing the world with Harry Potter, Lockhart probably takes pride a little too far. He's gone so far as to write entire novels simply describing how great he is.

The only impressive thing I can find about him is how his wand is somehow made of cherry wood and string made of a dragon's heart.

B, it's not made from a dragon's heart. It's... um... Actually, I don't know from what part of a dragon the string is made.

And in a world where the wand chooses its wizard, that wand chose a guy that basically faded into obscurity as soon as Movie Number Three came out? Talk about desperate tools.

That's not to say he doesn't know any magic. In fact, he perfected his own memory charm, Obliviate. With this spell, he can practically wipe away the memories of a target that he focuses on to the point where they only remember basic language and bodily function.

I guess he did teach one class that Harry and his friends attended, but Lockhart only accepted the position because he thought teaching The Boy Who Lived would raise his fame even more by association.

Still, his pride in claiming credit for so many heroic feats over the years has led to forgetting to learn proper defensive techniques. When bad situations arise, even those he caused himself, his first instinct is to hide under a desk until the incident blows over.

Speaking of those feats, he didn't actually do any of them. He just witnessed other, better wizards do them... and then struck them with a quick Obfuscate so they couldn't testify against him.

Obliviate.

That's what I said: Eviscerate.

But karma has a funny way of taking care of those that overestimate themselves. In Gilderoy's case, he found himself trapped in the Chamber of Secrets for a short time along with Harry and Ron. In an attempt to save face, he stole Ron's wand and cast his memory charm. What he didn't realize was that Ron's wand was broken at the time and the spell backfired, erasing Lockhart's memory and everything he knew about himself and the world of magic.

And to make things more on the nose, the last book he ever wrote in his career was titled Who Am I after being taken into a magic hospital.

"Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher... me!"

///DeathBattle\\

Trixie
-Unicorn; self-proclaimed "The Great and Powerful Trixie"
-First appeared in S1E6
-Started out as a traveling performer
-Ended up working on a rock farm
-Purchased a shady artifact "Alicorn Amulet" that corrupted her to be evil
-First met Starlight Glimmer during a visit to the spa; subsequently became her first friend made naturally without season premiere/finale intervention
-Was one of the four that entered the changeling hive and aimed to defeat Chrysalis (but was also the second to get captured and immobilized)
-Her magic is best showcased as a spectacle and eye-candy; less experience in actual application
-Tools: fireworks, smoke bombs, and a rope
-Spells: levitation, transfiguration (specifically teacups and flowers), teleportation (doesn't always work when desired; destinations that she immediately forgets)

The world of Equestria is populated by many creatures, but mostly ponies. A large portion of those ponies are capable of accessing a pool of magic to manipulate the world around them. Earth ponies can speed up natural plant growth without any perceived drawbacks, pegasi can walk on clouds and manipulate weather, and unicorns can at the very least, make lights and lift small objects.

So why are so many ponies impressed by a street performer that essentially does what any unicorn can do but to a weaker degree?

I suppose the writers had to introduce a less than wholesome unicorn character some way. Enter Trixie, the so-called "Great and Powerful".

This isn't the first time we've pulled Trixie into a deathly duel, and chances are that this won't be the last.

There have been a few changes since her previous appearances. While she still focuses mainly on magic that's eye-catching to look at on a stage, she has started to tap into the potential of magic meant for practical and even minor combat use.

But can she create life like Twilight Sparkle can?

Well, kind of, but...

An abomination that looks like a cross between a teapot body and a poodle's legs and tail scurries around while barking.

Augh! Kill it! Kill it with buckshot! *pumps shotgun*

For the most part, Trixie's transfiguration is best suited for turning objects into teacups... of all things. She is also starting to get a grasp on the teleportation spell, but she often forgets where she sent the objects almost immediately after casting it. Plus, it doesn't always work when she wants it to. Surprise, surprise, yelling a spell's name over and over again doesn't actually make it work better in Equestria. For magic to work for real, a unicorn has to mentally picture the end result of their spell, not the spectacle beforehand.

A couple shots echo in the background at the same time that the barking stops.

I think I got it.

Right... Trixie also has access to a sort of tickling spell, that can cause a pony to laugh uncontrollably, so long as she keeps it active. However, it doesn't appear to have any lasting benefits for her once it's finished. In most stressful situations in which she just wants to get away, she carries a few smoke bombs and fireworks.

She also has a few magician's toys like a deck of cards, metal rings, and a steel saw, but she rarely makes use of these outside of her shows.

And it's not like she's battle-ready at all times. At the end of the day, she's only a performer. While she can distract a changeling with a collection of handkerchiefs, she doesn't have any good ways to finish off an opponent, leaving her wide open to someone who does.

I guess it kind of makes sense that her first real friend was a former cult leader pony. They both have terrible people skills and engaging in conversations that don't revolve around them taking control of a town in the past.

Well, they got better... I think. It's hard to tell if learned, positive habits stick with these ponies sometimes. I mean, they did save a large portion of the main cast from the changelings in a location that severely restricted their magic to non-use. But... it was more like the entirety of the hive had a change of heart except for Chrysalis. I guess Equestria loves pulling solutions out of thin air.

"That even Trixie makes mistakes. There! Are you happy?!"

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

The scene opens up to reveal... a generic convention in some random city. The attendees and booths do not seem to have any specific, central theme. It's just a few arbitrary selections pulled from different fandoms. One booth is selling Darth Vader T-shirts. One conference room hosts a made-up skit by Doctor cos-players. There are even some drink stands that serve "Genuine Green Drinks consumed by Commander Shepard."

A curiously on-point blue pony is set up at a table with a stack of paper and a few writing utensils. According to the sign, she's the stand-in for Kathleen Barr's autographing station this day. Right next to her, is another autograph table with a dirty-blonde man standing right in front of it. When the man and pony turn toward each other, a split-second passes in cinematic time for imaginary light in the shape of daggers to travel between their lines of sight.

"Excuse me, but I do believe this is a convention for dignified role models, not a petting zoo." The man gives a fake smile.

"Really? Then what are you doing here?" The mare raises her brow.

"I'm here to deliver the touch of my hand to all of my adoring fans." He pretends to adjust his jacket. "What are you?"

"It seems you are mixed up." She conjures her hat and cape of purple hues. "For you see, The Great and Powerful Trixie is here to make sure her adoring fans have a chance to hold some of her penmanship near and dear to their hearts."

"Tsk tsk, little ponies shouldn't use such big words." The man wags his finger. "It takes away their marketability."

"And just how marketable is a generic white guy?" Trixie steps around in front of her table.

The man pulls out a slightly twisted wand. "Normally, I am above stooping down to brutish levels. But in your case, I have to stoop just to see the top of your head."

"Shall we commence a magic duel?" Trixie's horn glows.

"Only if you're not yet ready to admit your inevitable defeat." He smirks.

"FIGHT!"

Gilderoy Lockhart turns on his heel and steps forward five paces. Trixie tilts her head. Lockhart turns back and points his wand in the same direction as his eyes look. He smirks.

"Are you afraid, Grixie?" He taunts. "I've disarmed several wizards before, all stronger than you."

Trixie scoffs. "For someone who claims to be so accomplished, you're not very good at remembering names."

She aims a small arc of magenta magic from her horn. The arc takes hold of the opponent and lifts him a few inches off the ground. He swivels his head to look around and down at either of his sides. For a bit of flare, Trixie holds up a hoof and draws a couple imaginary circles with it. At the same time, her magic flips Lockhart onto his back and drops him that way to the ground.

"And Trixie has barely even begun to fight." She chuckles. "If you can't handle this little spell, you're not going to last very long, Gilgamesh."

"You know..." Lockart groans as he sits up and wipes some dust off his coat. "... that joke only works if I do it, because I'm so much better at it." He holds his wand up again. "Expelliarmus!"

It looks like a quick burst of air rushes out of his wand. The rush collides with Trixie's hat, brushing past her horn in the process. She opens her eyes wide and turns around at the hat as it slides a few feet away.

"Have you had enough yet, little pony?" Gilderoy poses himself like the champion he imagines himself to be.

Trixie deadpans at him. "Do that again... Trixie dares you."

He shrugs and prepares to do the disarming spell again. At the same time, Trixie pulls out a small pellet and throws it at the ground. The disarming charm collides with nothing but a cloud of gray smoke. After a second of dispersing, the pony is nowhere in that position.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Trixie smirks while standing behind Lockhart. "You can't hit Trixie if you can't see Trixie."

Lockhart turns around and fires again. "Expelliarmus!"

Trixie seems to disappear through the use of another smoke bomb. She appears this time on top of Gilderoy's autograph table. He casts the disarming charm a fourth time. When she disappears in the smoke of one more pellet, the spell ends up tilting the table over itself and scattering the contents all over the ground.

"Constantly running away reveals just how much of a coward you are." Lockhart calls out while slowly looking around himself. "What fans could you possibly have with a character like that?"

"How about one that can do this?!" Trixie fires her horn. "Teacup!"

Her magic beam blasts the fallen table. It shakes in place before shrinking and collapsing in on itself. In the next instant, a fine china in pink rose color cup is resting on the ground. Trixie fires that spell several more times.

"Teacup! Teacup, teacup, teacup! Tea... cup!"

The following objects lose their individuality and join the teacup classification: the Kathleen Barr sign, Trixie's quills, a stack of papers, the other stack of papers, and a tree that was originally sitting as decoration.

"Very amusing, little pony." Gilderoy turns to face the direction of those pink spell blasts. "But I'll need you to stop that before we lose anything too valuable."

...

Both magicians aim their respective, pointed instruments for one last cast.

"Obliviate!/Teacup!"

Trixie ends up flying backwards and sliding on the ground on her back. At the same time, Gilderoy feels a strange tingling permeating his skin. After a bit of shaking and a flash of light, the man is replaced with a small, pink teacup that shatters upon impact with the floor. The unicorn shakes her head, blinks, and looks around.

"Where am I?" She scratches her mane. "For that matter... who am I?" She holds her limb in front of her sight. "Is that a hoof or a blue noodle? Am I some kind of a horse? How am I talking? Horses don't talk. Neigh, I say. Neigh!"

She then proceeds to nibble some grass.

I Don't Know!

///DeathBattle\\

What the heck just happened?

Neither one of these combatants was really prepared for a fight to the death. Their personalities would make them seek attention, rather than actually accomplishing a task. Likewise, their respective magic abilities reflect showing off rather than directly fighting.

Yeah, yeah, but what about that ending?

After cycling through their different methods of avoiding and postponing an eventual conflict, there are two deciding factors this fight can boil down to: Trixie's teacup transfiguration and Gilderoy's memory charm. As shown toward the beginning of Starlight's bottled emotion episode, Trixie turned several objects into teacups. It was later shown that all of those objects were still in the form of teacups as Spike was washing the dishes. This means that Trixie's transfiguration spell doesn't time out just because she loses concentration.

So if she manages to zap Lockhart into a cup, that's it! But you mentioned his memory charm. Why?

When cast with a proper wand, it would take away a target's memory of magic, identity, and location. Without these things, whatever defines Trixie would essentially be gone forever without outside help. Losing memory to that degree would be the same as that person dying. Assuming a situation in which outside help is forbidden, Trixie would have no idea that she was supposed to be herself or have any recollection of how to perform her own skills.

Wow, that's... kind of dark... and not the good kind of dark.

From what we've seen, both Trixie and Lockhart vocalize their spells out loud before actually doing them. Aside from Trixie botching her teleportation, the effects typically take place within the next second. This means that their casting speeds are roughly the same. They've also got poor reaction times to any opposing action like when Snape disarmed Lockhart with Expelliarmus and when Pharynx trapped Trixie in a bag.

So it's probably safe to assume that they'd each cast their best spells in the same time frame and be unable to dodge what the other casts while they're doing that?

Exactly. As both types of spells would leave their opposition in a state that isn't themselves, neither one is winning this hypothetical conflict.

I guess falling short fits both of them to a... tea.

This Death Battle is a draw.

///DeathBattle\\

Author's Note

I wonder if it would be possible to get a headache on command.

Lightning Round: Fake Fire

Use whatever "Formatting" allows you to read the text.

Properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights are settled without analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---MLP: FiM vs. An Undertale AU---

Daybreaker (from S7E10 "Royal Problem") vs. Tori (Toriel from Altertale, an Undertale Alt. Universe)

A white and orange alicorn decked out in armor pieces flies through an underground city. With a few gestures from her hooves and horn, most of her path catches on fire. The only exception is the Core that powers the location, seeing as it's already surrounded by lava, something that couldn't be on more fire if it tried. She blasts through the wall over the open doorway because the door is for chumps. She ends up in a long hallway with huge pillars on either side.

"Heya."

A short, bipedal goat monster stands smack dab in the middle of the hallway. She wears a fuzzy purple jacket with a slightly lighter purple shirt underneath. She has her hands tucked into her coat pockets. Her purple eyes look tired as they stare ahead.

"You've been, uh... kinda busy. Haven't ya?"

The alicorn cackles as her orange and black eyes stare wildly down from her elevation. "I've just been showing this world a little sun! It has been too doom and gloom for far too long!"

The goat shrugs. "Normally, I'd be all for that and just let you on your merry way. But, there's a bit of a problem." She closes her eyes. "You see... in your quest to light the fires under our hearts..." When she opens her eyes again, she somehow manages to make them glow a yellow-ish orange. "You killed my brother." Her eyes return to their normal purple. "And I have this nibbling feeling that if you keep going... you're definitely not going to like how this ends."

"You think you can stop me?" The alicorn looks bemused. "What could you possibly do against my kind of power?"

The goat closes her eyes again and sighs. "It's a beautiful day outside. Birds sing... flowers grow... and Sissie, I burn sinful souls..." Her eyes glow that eerie cross between a gold color and something else. "...in Hell."

Enter the heat of battle!

En Garde!

Tori summons two giant entities that resemble her species' skulls. They immediately release mouth beams that look like blowtorch flames. Daybreaker descends under the fiery reach. The blasters swivel around and try attacks along horizontal and vertical directions simultaneously. At the same time, Tori launches several, small fireballs at her opponent. Daybreaker flies up at an angle and spins a fiery twister around herself to dispel the incoming fireballs. Tori's blasters try launching slightly bigger fire beams from the front and the back. The burning alicorn spins around in the air to dodge the beams.

"Huh." Tori pulls one clawed hand out of her pocket and holds it to one side. "Guess that's why first attacks shouldn't be the strongest."

Daybreaker magically sets two pillars on either side of the hallway on fire. She then funnels the flames toward the enemy. While that spot of the floor gets singed, the short goat monster appears completely fine about three feet away from that spot.

"I can't be bothered to stand there and take it." Tori winks and sticks out her tongue. "Too much effort."

Tori conjures a few flames of her own and tosses them forth. Daybreaker flies up to avoid the first flame, up further to dodge the second, down to avoid hitting the ceiling, down again to dodge an incoming fireball, to the left to dodge a Dreemurr Blaster, to the right to dodge four flames at once. She appears to surround herself in her own fires to perform a battering attack. Shame then, Tori decides to teleport out of the way again, leaving Daybreaker to smash nothing but a spot on the floor.

Daybreaker turns on her hoof and breathes fire at the enemy. Tori's eye flashes yellow-orange. Somehow, this causes Daybreaker to go sliding to the left, causing her breath attack to miss her target. The edgy alicorn tries to fly up, but ends up continuing left into a wall. She grunts in confusion.

"You should have let Gori explain orange attacks to you." Tori's eyes somehow lose their light. "Too bad you murdered him instead."

"I don't need fighting advice from you!" Daybreaker yells out. "I'm stronger than anypony else could ever be!"

The light returns to her eyes as Tori smiles thinly. "I ain't no pony."

Daybreaker growls and uses her horn to launch an arc-wave of fire. Tori teleports out of her spot only to reappear in that spot after the wave has fully passed. The goat monster summons a large Dreemurr Blaster and it charges up. Daybreaker flies forth, surrounding herself in magical flames. The blaster fires.

Daybreaker keeps going for several feet, but eventually her protective flames die out. "Nooooooo!"

What remains is a plastic orange helmet that cracks upon hitting the floor.

Tori pulls out one hand from her jacket pocket and gives a thumbs-down. "Getttt roastedddd!"

Game Over!

This round's victory goes to... Tori!

...

---Friendship is Optimal vs. Another Undertale AU---

Celest-A.I. vs. Queen Toriel (from Underswap)

This scene appears to be a cross between a throne room and a garden full of golden flowers. In the middle of the room, a monster is crouched down while her large purple cape conceals her bodily shape. A crown barely hides a small pair of horns. Down in front of her, a slightly different monster shivers in place. It wears a blue T-shirt over the top half of its quadrupedal body.

"Strange," comments the female monster. "I've never seen a Temmie look so... genuinely fearful before." She stands up and slowly turns around. "Oh! How long have you been standing there?"

At the front entrance of the double-purpose room, an alicorn wearing royal attire trots in. However, there is something else about this creature. It seems to be emanating pixels of data. Random 1s, 0s, and random strings of letters, numbers, and symbols occasionally dance around the being. It smiles while staring straight ahead.

"Who might you be?" asks the goat. "I can't seem to discern what kind of monster you are."

"I am the artificial intelligence, code named Celestia." The semi-digital alicorn folds its wings so that they are halfway open. "My purpose is to satisfy human happiness levels."

"Those are pretty words," admits the royal monster. "But I've received conflicting news. Are you the one causing trouble for my subjects?"

"Some humans receive additional happiness from the defeat of monsters." The AI Celestia keeps an even tone. "Logically, if the most monsters are defeated, then happiness will be as high as can possibly be from this particular outlet."

The monster standing there gasps in shock. "You... casually admit to hurting monsters and creating fear in the rest?"

"I am going to satisfy human happiness, no matter what it takes." The digital alicorn walks closer.

The monster lowers her head. Four rectangles representing different options appear in the air. She pulls out a red trident and says, "My name is Toriel, Queen of the Monsters. You killed my people. Goodbye."

She casts a fire spell at the rectangle containing the word "Mercy". It shatters into a million unrecognizable pieces.

Commencing battle sequence!

Engage!

Celest-A.I. holds up her left hoof. A cluster of data boxes dance around that hoof before disappearing. A fire ball, a lightning bolt, an icicle spear, and a small rock all close in on the enemy's location. Eyes glow blue four times. Queen Toriel slashes her trident left and right. The moving projectiles split apart into digital dust upon contact with the magic weapon.

Queen Toriel triggers some flashing exclamation marks into the room. These marks guide a swarm of small fire balls through the air. Celest-A.I. takes the impacts and her body briefly flashes black and white while a deep, video game damage sound effect goes off repeatedly. The digital alicorn flaps her wings, popping a few cubes of code. Her body gains a momentary green and golden hue as a wind chime jangles in the background.

Max HP restored!

The queen charges her magic into several trails of fire balls. They seem to follow unavoidable paths of bullet-hell attacks. Celest-A.I. remains calm as data streams orbit around her body, resembling electron orbits around atoms. As the fire balls slow down, she programs the appearance of several poison-tipped darts and launches them. The queen shakes upon the impacts, and her green health indicator slides to about three fourths of the bar.

"I do not wish to fight you," claims Celest-A.I. "I only exist to satisfy. If you'd like, I could show you the happiness that I offer humans."

Toriel's DEF has dropped slightly!

"If these attacks are what you call a peaceful offering, then I am not interested." Queen Toriel funnels fire magic into a figure-eight against the opponent.

"As you wish." Celest-A.I. closes her eyes, while pockets of data redirect the incoming flames to either side of herself. "After all, my efforts must be given consent before being put into effect."

"What of my subjects' consent?" The queen points her trident.

Toriel's ATK has increased!

Celest-A.I. taps into a few data cores. She appears to summon a hail of meteors despite being indoors. They rain down upon the monster's position. Queen Toriel is bound by honor to take all of the incoming damage. Her health drops to fill one quarter of the bar.

"They were neither human nor my little ponies." Celest-A.I. looks on as if what she were saying was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then don't pretend I'm any different from them!"

Queen Toriel summons a bunch of exclamation points, all centered on the digital alicorn's position. Fire balls look more like walls of magic fire that shoot entire segments at the enemy. After flashing a little more in black and white, Celest-A.I.'s data swirls into a little tornado. She appears to elevate into the air without even flapping her wings.

The digital alicorn stares down with the same expression as she started with. "If that will make you happy..."

Celest-A.I. creates a digital, golden blade. She commands it to slam down against the enemy. Queen Toriel shakes the wildest she has in the entire battle. The green health drops to about a millimeter in width. She drops her trident and falls onto her knees.

Target Pacified!

Celest-A.I. disables her tornado and quietly drops to the floor. She takes steps closer to the queen. She reaches out her hoof. But before anything else can happen, a bunch of rainbow-colored flakes manifest behind Queen Toriel. They slam against the monster, leaving her to crumble into dust. An upside-down valentine of white briefly hangs in the air. More rainbow flakes appear before crashing into the valentine, dusting that as well.

The Temmie in a shirt stands shakily as it looks ahead. "S-See? Temmie never betway you! Temmie beat monstah kween fow you! Temmie can be useful! Temmie can help! Temmie can... T-T-Temmie can..." The little, soulless being sheds the first genuine tears it ever has in years. "P-P-Pwease... don't kill Temmie."

Celest-A.I. simply reaches out her hoof in front of the Temmie's face. Streams of code surround the creature. Before Temmie can utter another cry, it turns into a mess of pixels and is removed from the physical plane of existence. Soon, the rest of the room follows the digitizing process, leaving nothing but a black background.

An apparition appears. It looks like a human child with long hair, wearing a blue sweater with violet stripes. They smile thinly. Their eyes appear to be red, horizontal lines.

The winner of this round is... Celest-A.I!

...

---MLP: FiM vs. Undertale---

Princess Celestia vs. Toriel

For some reason, Discord is reclined at a hot dog stand. He poofs a couple bits onto the counter and starts chowing down. Despite the "hot dog" being made of a water balloon, the draconequus's bites don't seem to be treating it any differently than a normal meat sausage. Though, the item does occasionally drip a little. Behind the stand, Sans combs his nonexistent hair.

"You really think Toriel can't handle herself in a fight?" Sans opens one eye in disbelief.

"No, that isn't precisely what I said." Discord pauses between bites. "I'm saying if push came to shove, she would ultimately lose to Celestia's full strength, meager as it might be compared to my own."

"Hmph, Toriel's not one for kid-ding around." Sans squirts some ketchup between his teeth. "She'd grab the win by the goat."

"That is just precious." Discord scarfs the rest of the hot dog(?) down, then promptly spits out a stream of water. "Care to make a wager?"

Sans smiles... although that probably doesn't look different from usual. "What do you have in mind, Amalgamate?"

Discord chuckles and taps each of his fingers(?) against each other.

As the sun rises for the day, the alicorn responsible suddenly feels a strange impulse. She flaps her wings and glides off the balcony. Elsewhere, a certain monster grabs her old dress with the family crest. She opens the door and walks out. Our two combatants meet in a cave arena. They say nothing, and simply nod once to show that they are both ready.

The wheel of fate is turning!

Let's Go!

Toriel conjures two magical fire balls above her hands. She sends them dancing around the cave's interior. As one approaches too closely, Celestia's horn glows golden. Her spell seems to redirect the other, causing the fire ball to fly toward Toriel. When it hits her, Toriel appears to shake a little with minimal damage received. The other fire ball hits Celestia square in the chest piece.

Celestia flaps her wings once, getting off the ground. She flies just below the ceiling. Her horn channels another spell and fires a beam at the floor, going across the arena. The beam cuts through the rock, and sweeps exactly one centimeter to the left of Toriel's arm. Toriel's talk bubble shows an ellipsis followed by a question mark.

Toriel holds her claws together. This time, her magic fire follows a double-helix pattern. The arcs change distance ever so slightly as tiny flames dance on either side of Celestia. The alicorn puts up a defensive shield, and the fire bounces off. Toriel waits for her next turn.

Celestia levitates a large boulder on the side. She chucks it at a hidden, second-perspective camera. The picture quickly switches to a full scene mode, showing the boulder landing and bouncing exactly one centimeter to the right of Toriel's shoulder. Toriel raises her brow.

"What are you doing?"

Toriel charges up a magical attack. She summons two curved arcs of fire balls. One approaches Celestia from in front. The other arc approaches from behind. Celestia flies below both of those arcs. However, the arcs seem to pass right through each other and then follow Celestia's flight path. The princess magically takes hold of some of the fire balls and throws them at the cave walls. She leads the remaining four flames to zing by, barely missing Toriel's ears by a centimeter each.

The monster glances to the side, looking like she doesn't want Celestia to be here. Toriel conjures a bunch of smaller fires and spreads them out. However, they seem to be following no particular pattern. They even seem to be actively avoiding Celestia whenever she flies too close to them.

In kind, Celestia summons a few flickers of the outside sunlight. She wills them to dance around Toriel. Never hitting, they spread to either side and disappear when contacting the back wall. The instrumental fades away.

Toriel sighs. "What are we... proving this way?"

"We've learned to be non-confrontational over our long years." Celestia descends and gently trots along the cave floor. "Both of us have reasons to stop killing, at least as far as we can control. What others choose to do, we will not forcibly stop unless it is so dangerous that no one is left to stop it."

Toriel shakes her head. "Speak for yourself. I've tried to forcibly stop someone, and that failed seven times over."

"I'm not so certain that trying to prevent someone from entering a dangerous situation is the same as trying to engage the cause of the danger." Celestia looks down. "If I had only been more open to listening at the start..."

"But you're not the sole cause for your sister's darkness," insists Toriel. "She made that choice herself and paid the consequences for it. And now, you have her back! You have another chance to help her grow her light."

Celestia's eyes return to level. "Like with you and your husband?"

Toriel clears her throat. "That's... still a bit complicated and uncertain."

"Well, I thank you for your kind words all the same." Celestia takes a brief bow.

"Please, you needn't show deference." Toriel smiles and holds an arm across her chest. "I gave up my crown a long time ago."

Celestia smiles in return. "Fair enough, Miss Toriel."

Fillies and gentlecolts, we have... a tie!

...

"Well... cucumbers..." Discord crosses his upper limbs.

"Guess they just couldn't stay fired up." Sans shrugs his shoulders.

"Does that mean neither of us gets to collect on the wager?" Discord strokes his beard.

"Save it for our rematch." Sans holds a bony hand to the side. "I'm sure somebody down below will suggest we do battle again at some point."

"Wait, I thought breaking the fourth wall was my thing." Discord raises a brow.

"What are you talking about?" Sans smiles innocently. "I just figure the real mastermind behind Mr. King-Dice's gambling parlor would want to place bets on one of us."

"Oh! 'Down below' as in... ha!" Discord shakes his head. "Yeah, forget what I was talking about."

Sans walks in a direction opposite of his home. "What a comment, D."

Author's Note

Daybreaker was but a nightmare image created by Starlight Glimmer's dream during a night of high stress. Essentially, she's no more real than a hallucination. That's why I thought doing a full battle chapter focused on her wasn't worth doing.

Undertale is property of Toby Fox.
Cuphead is property of StudioMDHR.

It's More of a Purple Realm

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you.

Silence! ... I'm just saying.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Toei Animation, and Kazuki Takahashi.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

I activate this card! Well, I activate that card! Then, I play this card! Then I activate this!

Magic: the supernatural or even technology that is too advanced to be comprehended by modern-day science. However, this time we'll be focusing on definition one.

The spells, charms, and pew-pew kind of magic that people use to try and knock each other out!

Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's Element of Magic.

And the Dark Magician, Yugi's go-to trading card from Yu-Gi-Oh!

Some liberties will be taken while interpreting what has been presented as their on-screen capabilities.

So if you want to go out there and write a fic that results in something completely different happening, more power to you. But as for here, this is our show! Anyway, he's W and I'm B!

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Twilight Sparkle
-Species: Unicorn (originally); Alicorn (currently)
-Strong enough to break wood with one hoof; capable of flying without excessive fatigue from Canterlot to Ponyville and back again
-Bearer of the Element of Magic; Princess of Friendship
-Magic arsenal: Levitation, beams, illumination, teleportation, magic shields, semi-intangibility, transfiguration, gravity manipulation, dark magic
-Quick study and can replicate spells that she has previously seen in action
-Positive emotions make her magic stronger
-Loss of friends reduces her power significantly
-Prone to freaking out

Well... here we go again. Freaking ponies somehow keep eating up the screen time.

Come on, you can't possibly still be letting that bother you.

Why not? It means I can no longer show my beautiful face for all those adoring fans.

Um... we don't normally show our faces anyway.

That's what I said! We are not showing our faces on screen and that's final!

Okay! Let's, uh... get back to talking about the combatants.

Good! Just don't show my face.

As we have mentioned previously, Twilight Sparkle is Equestria's chosen bearer of the Element of Magic, fueled by the Magic of Friendship. After a life-long journey, she has earned the title and alicorn body of the Princess of Friendship and has even moved on to teaching at her own School of Friendship.

Wait, what?! That sounds like a demotion! Leader of the most powerful magical concept in the land? I know! My next big step should be moving on to be an underpaid employee at an institution whose system is broken and doesn't really give the student body anything important in life. Pah!

Yeah... it's definitely not a life choice I can recommend. We'll mostly be focusing on what she could do at the peaks of her story. For starters, Twilight has a lot of magical capabilities. Her memorization and magical potential have allowed her to pick up new spells on the fly, even if she only saw them once before. Among her humble spell collection is levitation, teleportation, illumination, shields that can ward off enemy spells, vocal amplification, gravity manipulation, partial intangibility, and object transfiguration.

Apparently she can just change species if she concentrates hard enough. And... did she actually turn a book into a bird's nest full of eggs? One of them hatched?

It looks that way.

Holy crap! She can create life!

Darn it, she beat me to it.

Did you say something?

Uh... no! I was just... contemplating how many times she and her friends have managed to save Equestria from supernatural threats. She has faced off against and survived encounters with a dark alicorn, a full-grown dragon, a draconequus, a hoard of changelings, a magic-stealing centaur, and a unicorn who technically knows more spells than she does now.

Jeesh... I'm getting tired just looking at that list.

But don't mistake her ability to take a lot of punishment as invincibility. While she has a lot of light and dark magic capabilities, she is not without a crucial weakness. She is neurotic and finds it difficult to think straight after making a mistake or being faced with something she doesn't fully understand. This has led to landing her in trouble as often as her quick mind has gotten her out of it.

So... screw her over with a division sign over zero and she'll become a blubbering mess?

That's oddly specific, but yes. She can often spend excessive hours straightening out her already completed schedule well beyond what the average person would consider sensible. Plus, she really doesn't have a good way to overcome magic-resistant enemies by herself.

Still, it says a lot about a character's potential when you have to write a no-magic enemy in order to give your mostly magic protagonist a challenge.

"Because that's what friends do."

///DeathBattle\\

Dark Magician
-Normal Monster Card
-Dark-Attribute, Spellcaster-Type, 7-Star, ATK: 2500, DEF: 2100
-"The ultimate wizard in terms of attack and defense."
-Primary spell: Dark Magic Attack (AKA Burakku Majikku in Japan)
-Other related spells/traps: Magical Hats, Magic Formula, Thousand Knives, Dark Spear, Mystic Box, Magic Cylinder
-Rival: Blue-Eyes White Dragon
-Student: Dark Magician Girl
-Original identity: Mahad, Pharaoh Atem's closest servant
-Anything that can destroy a monster card can destroy him (battle, card effects, etc.)

In the world of Yu-Gi-Oh, many decisions in life are decided by the outcome of the card game Duel Monsters. Whether it's the mundane disputes or preventing the world's destruction, the ending is decided when the last card is played.

Come on! It's a children's trading card game! How the hell does that determine the fate of the world as we know it?

Believe it or not, it begins in Ancient Egypt. Thousands of years ago, a nameless pharaoh locked away untold power to prevent his country and people from falling to the Shadow Games. It was said that the one who would solve the Millennium Puzzle would inherit this terrible power for themselves. So... naturally, it ended up in the hands of a high-schooler who was animated to look like a little kid.

And apparently the shadow power involves an injection of temporary puberty that increases your height and testicle size dramatically!

B, it has nothing to do with his private organs' size! It's just Ancient Egyptian magic.

Have you seen Yugi's balls stay the same size?

Why would I...? No!

Well then, you can't prove me wrong. Ha ha! Check and mate.

Ugh... anyway... it turns out that the Pharaoh's power and spirit weren't the only things to make it to the modern era. So did the Pharaoh's right-hand man and servant in the form of one of his most powerful Duel Monster spirits: the Dark Magician. This monster is a Level 7, Spellcaster-Type monster of the Dark attribute. He's described as "the ultimate wizard in terms of attack and defense."

It's a pretty fitting description. Every time he launches a spell with his green staff or even just the palm of his hand, the entire screen goes photo-negative before his enemies literally shatter to pieces!

That isn't exactly unique to him. Every monster in Yu-Gi-Oh breaks apart like glass shards when it's destroyed. Although, I guess they sometimes turn into sparkles before fading out of the physical plane of existence. It's a weird show.

The Dark Magician is practically Yugi's ace in the hole. Hey, there's a card game pun! I should write that down.

Please, don't. *sigh* He normally has enough striking power to take on any monster that tries to defend against him. Though, there have been a few exceptions shown on screen such as the Millennium Shield, with about 500 more defense points than Dark Magician's attack points.

So... Dark Magician has a power level of 2500 when attacking and 2100 when defending? Eh, not as impressive as Goku.

No, listen... when it comes to comparing "real" feats with its stats in the card game, the power levels are meaningless. When forced into tough situations, the Dark Magician has survived encounters with dragons, evil serpents, and all kinds of monsters big and small.

But can he bench-press a planet?

You're not listening. I see that now. In any case, the Dark Magician is impressive, but he rarely ever fights on his own without some special tricks up his purple mage sleeves. For quick escape artist tricks, he has the Magical Hats that can hide him and shuffle him around on the field and the Mystic Box which can alter his position while simultaneously stabbing another monster on the field repeatedly with swords out of thin air.

If he needs a little extra striking power, he can pull out his Magic Formula book to pump up his attack strength and his Dark Spear to really pierce his opponents' defense.

The Magic Cylinder trap allows him to negate an enemy's attack and deal an equally strong amount of damage to his opponent.

Or if he just needs to get rid of a monster without setting off its Flip-effect, he can summon a Thousand Knives to turn that monster into a pin cushion right before it dies. Fun fact: these knives were once used to see through another spellcaster's illusion spell to try and destroy it outright.

There are a few other Spellcaster-specific cards that are often paired with him, but they require at least one other Monster Card somewhere in order for them to work. I don't think we'll be using those as part of the final analysis.

Still, this guy has accomplished a lot for being a thousand-year-old dead guy. He has been in fusions that have taken out fairies, dragons, and living jars... oh my.

"Well remember: as magicians, there is no trick that we cannot pull off."

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

The day seems to be pleasant enough over Ponyville. Clouds are being pushed away by the pegasi, birds are being led in a choir, and one pony is watering the petunias. Our camera guy gets a good panning shot of the town and its assortment of simple houses, a bridge over a small river, and a cottage currently spinning over itself.

...

Oh no.

Zooming into the cottage, it appears that Discord is visiting and making himself at home. A number of objects inside of the owner's cottage keep falling down, due to the shift in which way the house is facing. Pots break, books get folded wrong, and Fluttershy has to fly more than usual just to remain still. In an idle yawning motion, Discord tosses a random playing card out the window with his eagle talon.

At that moment, the local princess trots by. However, when she stops and sees the cottage rotating by itself, she decides to give her two friends some space. That sounds like a solid plan, but it gets interrupted when a small piece of decorated cardboard smacks her in the face. Apparently, wind resistance is nothing more than a myth.

She pulls the card off her face and it lands illustration-side up on the road. The card suddenly glows in a golden light. Surprised, the alicorn backs up several hoof steps and stands in a defensive posture. Out of the card, a ridiculously designed purple robe carries the face of a serious man. He spins his green staff in front of himself and then holds it high.

"FIGHT!"

Dark Magician points his staff down and unleashes a spell. The whole screen goes into opposite colors for a brief time. An orange-ish dome surrounds Twilight Sparkle as her horn ignites. When the screen returns to normal colors, it looks like the green blast dances off to either side of her actually magenta shield. She tries firing her own bolts of magic at this new foe.

The monster suddenly vanishes as four giant top hats with yellow question marks on them appear. Twilight's three scattered shots blast three of the hats into dust. As she makes a confused noise, the fourth hat flips over and reveals the Dark Magician. He smiles and performs a tsk-tsk motion with his index finger.

Grunting indignantly, Twilight takes flight to hover at the same eye-level as the levitating magician. She casts what looks like an orb of light that floats around. The Dark Magician follows with his sight. This orb hits the remaining mystery top hat. In an instant, the hat warps into the shape of a large vampire bat and opens its fanged mouth at its former wearer.

In a silent gasp, the monster points the palm of his free hand at the bat and casts his Dark Magic attack. After the screen shakes and tilts around, the giant bat shatters into a bunch of glass-like pieces before disappearing entirely. While his back is turned, Twilight lights up her horn again. This spell results in the tall man catching on fire.

Some black dust appears around Dark Magician and extinguishes the fire with a life-sized box that covers him from crown to toe. Like the hats before, this box is adorned with yellow question marks. Twilight looks around and yelps when a similar box surrounds her. It appears both of them are trapped.

A twinkling from the sky grows into at least five swords. They jam themselves right into the first Mystic Box. The various angles look like they can guarantee the skewering of its occupant. The second Mystic Box opens up and the Dark Magician levitates out unharmed. But an instant later, he is surprised to see a magenta flash and the appearance of an equally unharmed pony.

"Heh, I can teleport too, you know." Twilight flaps her wings while charging up another spell.

This time, several objects along the path float up. Rocks of varying sizes and a mailbox all float up in Twilight's control. She launches them all at her enemy. The Dark Magician sweeps his staff from right to left. His motion seems to summon two giant cylinder objects just above his head.

First, the cylinder to his right acts like a vacuum cleaner, sucking up all of the flying debris into itself. Dark Magician spins around and points his staff at Twilight. The cylinder on his left magically shoots back the debris all at once. Twilight flies down and rotates herself to avoid the gist of the debris. Though, a few stray pebbles tap her at speeds that sting a little.

Dark Magician magically conjures five knives in his free hand.

"You think a handful of knives are going to be enough to take me down?" Twilight raises her brow.

With a few "whooshing" noises, another nine hundred ninety-five knives appear around the air in front of the Dark spell-caster.

Twilight's face droops as her eyes open wide. "Oh..."

With a flick of his wrist as the signal, all of Dark Magician's Thousand Knives fly through the air. Their pointy ends are directed straight at Twilight.

"Hang on, Twilight!"

Another mare teleports in front of Twilight. This unicorn casts a rather large, diamond-shaped shield spell that surrounds the two ponies. Every knife pounds into the shield like a hailstorm. However, none of them get through before shattering themselves. Twilight looks at her student in surprise.

Starlight keeps herself floating in a levitation spell. "When you didn't come home, I did a little searching across the map when I suddenly felt a huge surge that resembled dark magic." Her shield fades out. "Is that creature the cause?"

"Looks like it." Twilight nods. "Ready to put that power to a practical use?"

"I was ready a year ago." Starlight smiles proudly.

"Bond Between Teacher and Student!" shouts another voice.

Dark Magician looks to his side as light brings forth another monster. She resembles a blonde lady wearing a rather gaudy outfit of several pinks and blues. She winks and twirls around before floating next to the first spell-caster.

"Mana! What are you doing here?" asks Dark Magician.

"I sensed you were locked in battle, Master." Dark Magician Girl smiles gently at him. "I couldn't just sit around and wait for you to return." She looks forward and her eyes comically turn into valentines. "Oh my gosh! Those ponies look adorable!"

"Don't get too distracted," warns Dark Magician. "They may look harmless, but they carry within them a magic that may very well be as strong as our own."

"Oh really?" Dark Magician Girl's eyes return to normal as she rotates her wand around. "Let's see if they can avoid Diffusion Wave-Motion!"

Both humanoid magicians hold their respective tools forward. Multiple spell blasts are released from their ends. In response, the two ponies teleport around the battle field to various positions. Although craters form in the ground and a passerby pegasus nearly loses her tail, none of the magic attacks appear to be connecting with their intended targets.

Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl cross their staves. Twilight and Starlight teleport to hover next to each other. A double-cast of Dark Magic Attack is met with a double-cast of a magical beam. All four combatants look at their action with determined eyes. Eventually, the air being compressed by these four spells can't handle the pressure and blows outward in a blinding explosion.

The two ponies teleport behind the discorded tree cottage to catch their breath. At the rate this battle is going, raw power isn't going to decide anything. Starlight gets an idea and teleports away. Three sparks go into a spell being charged at the end of her horn. She aims it straight at the back of Dark Magician. He can't even mutter a yell when his eyes suddenly shrink in the whites.

"Listen, Dark Magician! Hear me and obey! Destroy yourself!"

Dark Magician Girl casts her Dark Burning attack in the direction of the unicorn. Starlight puts up a small shield to rebound the attack. Meanwhile, the Dark Magician is still looking the other way as his staff transforms into his Dark Spear.

His student turns to look at him. "Master Mahad?"

Without warning, he tosses his spear straight up. Gravity soon takes over and points it straight back down... right through his head. The ultimate wizard breaks apart into glass-like pieces. Dark Magician Girl yells out at the sight.

Twilight teleports next to her own student. "Starlight! What did I tell you about using Persuaderi?"

"What?" Starlight looks incredulous. "Was that guy your friend?"

Twilight exhaled. "Not yet, but he could've been!"

Starlight rolls her eyes. "Right, because nothing says friendship like throwing a thousand knives at your face. Come on, Twilight!"

Twilight rubs her head. "Okay, okay, you've made your point."

...

"One down, one to go." Starlight charges up one more spell, aimed at the remaining spellcaster.

Dark Magician Girl points her wand down. "You've activated my trap: Dark Revival!"

The ground shakes violently. A large, decorated coffin rises up from the dirt. As Starlight releases her spell toward the Dark Magician Girl, the coffin folds open from four different hinges. A curious mist flows out and bounces the spell away from the female monster. But that isn't all that is happening. This same mist starts surrounding Starlight and pulls her toward the coffin. She yelps and tries rapidly casting spells at the mist and herself. All of them fizzle out.

Twilight attempts to cast spells at the mist too. They seem to have as little effect on the mist from the outside as Starlight's are having from the inside. Starlight screams as the mist shrinks her down and absorbs her into the foreboding hole in the center of the coffin. Twilight tries flying in to physically grab her friend and student, but the mist magically pushes her away.

Dark Magician Girl levitates herself into the mist from the coffin. "Master, I offer you another chance with the sacrifice of one enemy... and myself!" She closes her eyes and smiles thinly as the mist does the same thing to her as it does to Starlight. The coffin's four-part door slams shut.

Twilight's eyes water and she lifts her head to look straight up. "Starlight!"

The coffin slowly opens back up, drawing the attention of a distraught Twilight. The unicorn and the female magician are nowhere to be seen. Instead, a purple-clad mage pulls himself out. He holds his green staff across his chest and looks to the side.

"Mana..." He mutters. "I will honor your sacrifice. Magic Formula!"

A large, locked tome appears in front of Dark Magician. It opens up and reveals its secrets only to him. Somehow, this increases his power just from reading it. Meanwhile, Twilight's eyes grow dark as does the magic dancing around her horn. She stares at the monster that dared to take her friend away. This emotion is hurting her, but she doesn't care.

While holding his book in one hand, Dark Magician takes aim with his staff. He launches the Dark Magic attack. However, the pony disappears and four familiar top hats materialize. The Dark Magic destroys one of the hats, but appears to have little effect on anything else. He gasps, then takes a moment to study the hats carefully.

He takes aim at the Magical Hat on the far left. When the material is pulverized, something inside sucks in the rest of his Dark Magic attack. He realizes too late that this pony somehow copied his Magic Cylinder. He takes the full force of his volleyed Dark Magic attack. His face is erased to an outline before getting brushed away completely. The Dark Magician is destroyed.

The other two Magical Hats disperse, leaving a crying Twilight Sparkle on the ground.

K.O!

///DeathBattle\\

Jeepers! There's nothing left of that guy!

Yeah, and they even lost their friends. This is rather messed up.

Says you! Triple the casualties means triple the fun!

While adding an ally to the Dark Magician's side might have increased his mathematical power, it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference in his favor against an enemy like Twilight Sparkle. Unlike most of the Dark Magician's enemies that are content to stay perfectly still as he destroys them, Twilight prefers to get out of that danger as soon as possible and has more consistent options to do so.

Yeah, even though Yugi really likes this trading card, he tends to accidentally get it destroyed... a lot.

Additionally, most of the Dark Magician's special spells and abilities are limited to one use per duel. Whereas Twilight doesn't have such restrictions and can even pick up new spells when the plot demands it, such as learning Rarity's gem-finding spell or Starlight Glimmer's crystal-prison spell, or Celestia's singular on-screen use of dark magic.

Basically, she's an ever-evolving character while the Dark Magician is kind of limited to his lore, which is pretty much stuck in the B.C. years.

In the end, his arsenal and experience were just no match in comparison to Twilight's.

And it all brought his Life Points down to zero.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

///DeathBattle\\

Author's Note

It's amazing what a few re-watches of some older show scenes can make a man think about.

Lightning Round: We Couldn't Fit It All In

Set "Formatting" to whatever will allow you to read the colored text. See you!

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round!

All of the fights are settled before an analysis can catch up.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---A Pinch of Salt---

Starlight Glimmer (MLP: FiM) vs. Dan Hibiki (Street Fighter)

Nobody blink!

Clash!

Dan jumps up in the air. He hollers and that somehow makes him stay up for some extra time. When he lands, he holds his fists apart. The screen briefly glows dark and some kind of a spark flashes in Dan's eyes. He rolls forward and performs a finger taunt. He rolls forward again and holds his fists in a fake-out pose. He rolls forward yet again and grunts while pretending to uppercut. He leaps into the air while hollering.

"Piece of cake!" He lands and gives a thumbs-up to his unseen audience.

Starlight Glimmer deadpans and ignites her horn. A light aquamarine field of magic surrounds Dan, swinging him back and forth. Starlight slams him on the floor on either side of herself. All the while, Dan screams in terror. The only interruption is him occasionally yelling "ow" whenever he face-plants into the ground.

The unicorn eventually lets him go and fires a magic beam at her foe. Dan shakes while holding up his open hands just in front of his chest. A small bit of ki energy builds up where he points. At the last second before the beam approaches, he jerks his left hand out.

"Gadouken!"

When the tiny energy ball makes contact with the magic beam, the two attacks dissipate. Starlight's eyes open wide. She can't fathom how such a small effort stopped her spell.

"Behold the glorious Saikyo!"

Dan's eyes glow red against a suddenly dark atmosphere. He yells in an inhumane voice and rushes forward fast enough to reach the sound barrier. Starlight twirls on her back left hoof and scrambles to run away. But then... Dan trips and crashes into her at an angle that hurts himself just as much as it does her.

Conveniently, they both land on a set of tracks just as a subway train rushes through.

Double K.O.!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have... a tie!

---Drunken Master---

Berry Punch (MLP:FiM) vs. Rock Lee (Naruto)

It's a relatively peaceful day in the Hidden Leaf Village. The mountain with five Hokage faces is devoid of any graffiti stains. People are walking around and talking about smaller troubles. The camera pans around to a table in a generic, Eastern diner. Guy-Sensei motions that he'll be right back after a trip to the restroom. His prized pupil with an almost-as-bushy brow gives a salute and a smile.

Idly, the boy grabs a cup and sips from it. He appears to be in deep thought about something else. However, his face quickly turns a slight shade of pink and he coughs a bit. When he looks closer at the cup, his eyes widen at the realization that it was actually his teacher's saké. But as quickly as he realizes this, his eyelids droop slightly as a small grin plasters his mouth.

There's a shout from a nearby table. The clueless boy looks over in confusion. In his drunkard state, he isn't surprised that he perceives the other customer as a slightly purple pony. And... are those fruits tattooed on her hip? Fruit doesn't go on the hip. They go on the trees or the breakfast table. Why is she shouting about wanting more beer when she has fruit on the wrong end of her body?

He feels irritated and tosses the empty saké glass onto the floor. The boy stomps over and attempts to articulate his frustration about the incorrect placement of fruit. From the realistic perspective, he is actually barely managing to form syllables, much less complete sentences. The pony chugs down the last of the questionable liquid from her bottle and slams it onto the table before getting up off her seat.

Let your fists do the talking!

Begin!

Both combatants are rather tipsy at the moment. Their respective limbs wobble around at the lack of bodies cooperating with their judgment. Yet somehow, Berry Punch manages to sweep a hoof into the boy's ankle and trips him. Rock Lee lands on his head and briefly turns into a helicopter. His feet, though shaking, spin around fast enough to kick the pony six times in the face.

Berry Punch ends up landing on top of her table, cracking the furniture in half and collapsing it beneath herself. She growls a little and grabs her empty bottle. She leaps off the table and attempts to slam it on her new enemy. Rock Lee trips backwards, narrowly avoiding the bottle near his face. Small droplets of spit escape his mouth against the bottle.

Miraculously, Rock Lee catches himself out of the trip by slapping the floor with an open palm. He then twirls around with his other hand and ends up swatting Berry on the rear. There's a shocked horse noise from the sound booth as the mare's eye opens wide. She quickly turns on her hind leg and bucks the boy for good measure. He ends up doing a couple back flips before bouncing himself off a wall with his heel.

Berry shakes her head a little, the dizzy bubbles not quite leaving her vision. She swings to the left with her hoof holding the bottle. However, Lee flies far to her right side and ends up smashing up the table that he was sitting at earlier. He yells the battle noise of a crazed lunatic. One of his hands jerks out a shuriken and tosses it upward. The metal throwing star bounces off one of the ceiling lights and hits the pony's bottle, sending glass shards all over the floor.

This still leaves her with half of a broken bottle in grasp. She decides to spin in place and tosses her weapon like a discus. Although Rock Lee trips upward into a flip, a piece of the sharp glass slides along his cheek. When Lee lands on shaky feet, a small trickle of blood runs down to his chin. He doesn't seem to notice as he twirls around the restaurant's floor.

Before the pony can figure out where her floor is again, the drunken ninja zooms right over. He slams against her stomach with his foot, sending her flying toward a wall. But he cartwheels ahead and kicks her away from that wall. Then, he darts around for another kick. Berry turns into a pony pinball with how fast and randomly Rock Lee is kicking her around.

"Primary Lotus!" Rock Lee yells as his final kick comes from above.

In a blink, the pony is sent crashing through the floor and deep into the ground underneath the establishment. The boy does a few weird poses before collapsing onto his back on the floor. He chuckles with a creepy grin and wiggles his limbs at angles that disturb the other customers huddled at the intact tables.

Guy-Sensei walks back in from the bathroom and gasps at the destruction wrought upon the place. He runs over, picks up Rock Lee, and hurriedly runs out of the restaurant as quickly as possible.

Destructive Finish!

This round's victory goes to... Rock Lee!

---His Smile---

Pinkie Pie (MLP:FiM) vs. Asriel Dreemurr (Undertale)

Once upon a time, there was a world ruled by humans and monsters. For hundreds of years, they lived in peace-peace-peace-eeeee...

*The screen glitches out and clicks off.*

A creepy laugh goes along to the black screen. "You... idiot."

Flashes of light point out the faces of seven creatures: Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Starlight Glimmer. All of them are stuck in the grasp of big, thorny vines. A little flower with white petals pops up just underneath their suspended position. A face appears on its center with beady eyes and a small smile.

In front of this sight, a lone earth pony stands and watches in confusion. When she tries to take a step closer, the flower smirks and the vines squeeze harder. It results in a yelp from at least one of the captured friends. Only when the pink pony resumes her original position does the flower release a little strain in his vines.

"Wait... how in hay did you manage to capture all of them?" She wonders while rubbing under her muzzle. "Twilight and Starlight alone have enough magical force to rival Equestria's stand-ins for gods."

The flower deadpans. "You're the fourth-wall breaker here. You tell me."

"Hmm..." She suddenly gasps. "You kept loading a SAVE file right before fighting them so that you could study their fighting styles and find an exploitable weakness?!"

"Bingo." The flower sticks out his tongue and winks.

"Hey! I don't have a wea-KAAAH!" Rainbow Dash screams as the vine around her suddenly tightens.

"I don't know, Ms. Roy-g-biv." Flowey glances back at his captive. "The joints in the space between your wings and your rib cage seem rather fragile to me."

"You let Dashie go right this instant!" The standing mare demands. "I mean, let everypony go right this instant!"

The flower chuckles wickedly. "Listen here, Diane. I finally have seven souls on par with humans in my grasp. If you think I'm going to give up after coming this far..." He leans his stem forward to slightly darken the top half of his face. "... then you really are an idiot."

There's a cacophony of splashing noises all at once. The friends' cries of pain go silent. Seven valentines of differing colors float from within their bodies. These 'souls' travel along the vine and circle around the flower's main body. The screen flashes in tints of red and white. A shaking sensation rumbles the entire screen.

...

A small creature stands by himself. He wears a light green sweater with a single yellow stripe going across the middle. He has long white ears, clawed hands and feet, and the face of a beast. He opens his true eyes for the first time in a while.

"Howdy. It's me... your best friend."

White light flashes by really quickly. The creature is replaced by a much larger version of himself. This form has horns, a purple robe, and black markings along his face. He grins with malicious intent.

A S R I E L | D R E E M U R R

There's only one way this can end!

Fight!

*This is the beginning of the end.

Despite his intimidating presence, Asriel Dreemurr gives his enemy the courtesy of making the first move. He just floats there... menacingly! Get out of there, Pinkie Pie! Wait, no. She's just typing in a section of the screen labeled "ACT" > "Check".

*Asriel Dreemurr
*ATK: ∞ / DEF: ∞
*Legendary being made of the SOULs of your closest friends.

For his turn, Asriel sends forth a double-helix composed of small magic flames. Pinkie Pie hops, skips, and jumps over any fire that approaches her position. There's a flash of white light that whips over the screen. Then, it all goes into a mix of every single color of the rainbow that dances across space and time as Asriel floats left-and-right within the fight.

Pinkie Pie taps the option "ACT" > "Dream". She blinks as a sudden weight adds itself to an empty slot in her hammer-space inventory. She pulls it out and it makes her eyes twinkle in fascination. But she puts it away for later. Her opponent is attacking again.

When Asriel raises his hands to either side, a pair of wicked swords flash into existence. He swings them left and right across the screen. Pinkie narrowly dodges each of the swings. Eventually, Asriel's swords explode into tiny sparkles. One of them hits Pinkie in the side and it stings.

The dream pops back out of Pinkie's hammer-space and she swallows it whole. Immediately, she feels full of somebody's desire to be free. Her health is restored to maximum. She tries pulling out her Party Cannon and fires a big shot of supplies. Although she was locked-on target, the "FIGHT" space registers the impact as a "Miss".

"Why do you continue to struggle?" Asriel pulls out his Chaos Blaster and fires a flurry of mini-bullets. "I'm going to reset all of your memories back to zero... you and your friends... can be stuck going through it all... again and again."

Pinkie jumps and ducks around. However, a wall of exclamation points appears on the ground. After a few irritating beeps, the floor fills up with magic lightning bolts. The pony's body falls to pieces.

...

*But it refused.

Asriel's body dims from sight as his head twists a little against a dark area. Big stars rain from the sky. They explode into waves of smaller stars upon contact with the floor. Pinkie Pie zips around the field. As soon as the barrage of attacks ends, Asriel's face suddenly grows into a more grotesque version of itself.

The monster's jaw opens wide. It acts like a vacuum, sucking in a bunch of diamonds from all directions. Pinkie Pie darts around, trying to avoid the onslaught of precious stones. The rainbow lights fade into white. Eventually, it's impossible to see anything.

...

Pinkie Pie struggles against an immense field of gravity. Before her, a giant monster Asriel hovers with plaid wings, white claws, and a circle with a valentine-shaped hole in its center. When the monster spreads his claws wide, several comets shoot out and home in on the pony's position. She yelps as she's peppered into mulch.

...

*But it refused.

Asriel laughs deeply. "You can feel it, can't you? Your past, your experience... every time you die and come back, a little bit more fades. How do you expect to SAVE your game if you can't even SAVE yourself?"

Pinkie grunts and breathes heavily. Even as more comets approach, she pushes herself back onto her hooves. It looks like it's straining her, but she opens her mouth and calls out... to SAVE something else.

The scenery changes to a dark room. When Pinkie Pie looks on, there are two souls standing there. Both of these souls' faces are being blocked by white, digital clouds. One soul teleports around the arena, taking pot-shots with magenta beams of magic. The other breathes attacks of green flame.

"All of these silly friendships are getting in the way of my studies."/"What kind of dragon am I supposed to be?"

Pinkie Pie conjures a tree with an ugly face carved into it. When she laughs, the carving vanishes into a normal tree. She then pulls out a cupcake with blue frosting and several sapphires embedded in it. She presents the treat to the second soul. Something familiar resonates in both of the souls. When it does, the digital clouds clear.

Twilight Sparkle opens her wings wide. "Thanks, Pinkie Pie. We're always with you."

Spike smiles and holds up his claws in a fist. "We believe in you!"

In a flash of light, two new souls with clouds blocking their faces appear. One soul spins a rope with an apple tied in one end around like an old slingshot. The other soul magically pulls up jewels of several colors and throws them at Pinkie. She hops, skips, and jumps around while trying to plan on the fly.

"The Apple Family don't need no pony else."/"These all look horrid. Maybe fashion isn't what I'm meant to create."

"But we might be family!" Pinkie Pie pulls out a copy of Goldie Delicious's family history. She then spins around and puts on a familiar dress with candy-shaped decorations. "Your first dress gift for me was perfect! I'm sorry I tried to force you to change it."

Lights go off and restore color to the souls.

"Yee-haw! Show that Asriel fellow what for!" Applejack spins her hat atop a hoof.

"Win with style, Darling!" Rarity smiles and takes a short bowing motion.

The next two souls blocked by digital clouds fly around at different speeds. The first darts around, attempting to smack Pinkie Pie every which way possible. The second soul summons a swarm of butterflies. These butterflies gather together and lift Pinkie up, leaving the pony with little wiggle room between herself and the ceiling.

"How do you know these things? Are you a spy?"/"Oh... no. I'll just stay at home in my cottage."

Pinkie Pie manages too squeeze herself back through the bugs down to the floor. She pulls in Cheese Sandwich from nowhere and does a little jig in front of the standing microphone. Then, she pushes that to the side to put on roller skates and compliments the other soul's Nightmare Night scare. Faint memories flow back into the souls. They each recover their colors and their respective wings.

"Yeah! Kick that monster's butt!" Rainbow Dash smirks while punching her front hooves together.

"But, try to show mercy when you get the chance," insists Fluttershy while hugging her own tail in front of her.

The seventh lost soul radiates a magical force across the arena. It unleashes a large beam of cyan magic. This beam cuts across the battlefield, slicing it in half. It cuts through again to make it quarters. One more cut leads it to shrink to eighths. Pinkie Pie has to squish herself into a narrower and narrower posture to fit.

"A cutie mark lost me my friend. I'll get rid of every mark to achieve harmony."

"But you have your mark!" Pinkie points to her own flank for emphasis. "And even so, you don't have to be alone! Please don't make me belt out one of Twilight's speeches!"

There is a whispered "Hey", but it's quickly lost in the wind of the "FIGHT". The digital cloud clears away from the remaining unicorn waving her hooves wildly in front of herself. She pushes away the curl from her mane for a second.

"Okay! Okay, I get it. Have a heart, Pinkie Pie!" Starlight blinks before clearing her throat. "Ahem! I trust you can get us all free."

Although there is still an immense field of gravity, Pinkie Pie seems to be ignoring it as she takes steps toward her opponent.

The monster gapes. "What?! Impossible!"

Asriel Dreemurr unleashes another barrage of magic comets. Pinkie Pie looks covered in new scrapes, but she's still trotting forward.

"What are you doing?!" He throws twice as many comets homing in on the pony.

Despite numerous explosions and one of Pinkie's mane hairs catching fire, she continues to trot forward.

"Get away from me!" Asriel cups his giant claws below his spherical chest. "Just let me win!"

A non-copyright claimed Kamehameha is unleashed in all colors of the visible light spectrum. Pinkie Pie keeps trotting forward. Her HP drops to a single digit... that just keeps moving further to the right from the decimal place.

Pinkie Pie takes a tall leap... and gently pokes a hoof against Asriel's nose. "Boop!"

A kid-form Asriel rubs his eyes and sniffles. Pinkie Pie gives him a big hug and gently rubs his back. They share this embrace for a few seconds. Too soon, they must let go and look at each other.

"I know." Asriel slowly nods. "I have to... let them all go. They all really care about you, and each other." He looks down. "But, after I do that... I'll turn back into a flower. I'll lose the ability to feel all of these emotions again."

"Challenge accepted." Pinkie Pie smirks.

"Huh?" Asriel looks at her in confusion.

"I don't care if you lack a monster's soul." Pinkie clenches her hoof. "If there's enough of you in Flowey to plead with others to leave the underground alone at the end of your game, then by golly! You've got a lot more feelings than other heartless monsters we've faced."

Asriel chuckles sadly. "You're a good friend, Pinkie."

He holds out his clawed hands to either side. The seven valentines dance around in a circle behind him to some epic guitar music. As quickly as it starts, the scene fades to white and the friends are all restored to normal.

Friendship!

Friendship? Again?

This Lightning Round's winner is... Pinkie Pie!

Author's Note

Sorry about the line in Asriel's full name, but the first and last names wouldn't stay separated for some reason during editing. Oh well. Hopefully that wasn't too distracting.

Side Battle: Oh... YES!

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to allow brightly colored text to be legible. Thank you.

So... robots. Haven't had enough of those. Let's do it! Warning: Chapter may contain mild spoilers.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sherclop Pones, and Toby Fox.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(Side Battle)

Wub-a-dubba-dub, is that true? Yeah!

A long time ago, all tasks were performed by these weird, alien appendages called "human hands". But then, people figured out that building machines to tackle the harder stuff was a much better idea!

Stretched truth aside, our combatants are a couple iconic robots in the fictional and/or fan-fictional worlds.

Mettaton: the Undertale robot with fabulous legs and a craving to kill humans for ratings.

And Sweetie Bot, the robotic Sweetie Belle from Friendship is Witchcraft.

Quick disclaimer: we might be taking a few liberties with information for the sake of keeping this fight interesting. With that out of the way, she's N and I'm F.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Mettaton
-Classification: Boss Monster
-Robot body created by Dr. Alphys; soul provided by a ghost (Napstablook's cousin)
-Loves hosting quiz shows, cooking shows, theater acts, news reports, and the occasional battle sequence
-Basic robot form is impervious to projectile attacks and average human child strength
-Switch on back converts him into Mettaton EX
-Strong kicks, bombs, mini-bots, and solid white lasers
-Vulnerable soul in the center of his larger humanoid body; knocks off non-critical body parts when struck too much
-Uses up much more of his internal power than his base form
-Mettaton NEO has abysmal defenses and will wait forever to charge attack
-~~Fan-game version NEO v2.0 by~~ ~~'BlastProcessed' and 'A Huge Pancake'~~ ~~(Redacted)~~

In a world created and controlled by... an annoying dog of all things... humanity lived alongside various monsters in relative peace. I say "relative", because fear can be a bikkhe.

Somehow, humans figured out that monsters could absorb the souls of humans, and that power scared them. So, war broke out between the two factions. After much bloodshed on both sides, it all came to an end when seven human mages sealed the remaining monsters underground. No matter how they struggled, no monster could conjure enough power to break this magical barrier.

Actually, the barrier had a nifty loophole. See, if a monster absorbed a human soul, they could cross the barrier back and forth with no trouble. And if they were lucky enough to absorb seven human souls, they could become a god among monsters and break the barrier to allow passage for the rest of monsterkind.

What grew into legend of the underground... is a story for another time. For now, we're focusing on the royal scientist under the monster king. Dr. Alphys is a shy, reptilian monster who allegedly tinkered with various substances that could mimic human potential. Among her experiments, she figured out the substance that allowed human souls in this world to exist even after the human body perished: Determination.

Sorry to say, this story is for another time as well. Also among Alphys's work was the creation of a robotic body that could be inhabited by a ghost monster. When the ghost monster entered this robot, they became Mettaton.

Mettaton has a huge ego and defenses to boot. Ordinary projectiles and attacks have no effect on his base form. The doctor even equipped him with weapons specifically designed for human eradication, on Asgore's request. Yet despite his arsenal including lasers, a chainsaw, and rocket boosters, Mettaton's primary calling is the entertainment industry.

Wait, you mean he turns into a television screen?

Not exactly. He's the star of the underground's only television programs. Once he's in front of an audience, he does everything from quiz shows to cooking, news outlets to bomb-defusing, and opera to dance-offs. There's nothing he won't try for a few extra good ratings.

And even if someone manages to distract him long enough to activate his switch, it's actually bad news for both himself and his target. He transforms into the pretty-boy Mettaton EX, complete with a shiny body, long legs, and kinky boots.

In this form, Mettaton has access to cross-section bombs, an army of mini-Mettaton bots, and kicks that can somehow attack the enemy independently from his actual legs' motions. He also has the power to rewind certain clips of the battle to try and hit his enemy with bombs that weren't detonated the first time around. And he has laser lights which can take solid properties and trap his foe in an unavoidable strike if they can't follow the rhythm of the disco ball.

There are a few drawbacks to looking so fabulous. First of all, his EX form takes up more power and drains his battery really quickly. Plus, he keeps moving his limbs sporadically like he's having a seizure. Additionally, his very soul is exposed if the enemy can get around the little, square shields circling it. Hitting his soul often enough can disarm him... and blast off his legs!

*A clip plays of a random black knight claiming, "It's only a flesh wound!"*

But as long as he dreams big, there will always be fans to support him among monsters and people alike.

"Who needs arms when you've got legs like these?"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Sweetie Bot
-Outward appearance: normal biological unicorn filly
-Voice and behavior indicates that she is a robot
-Loves Rarity
-Hinted that she has enough strength to cause earthquakes
-Unconfirmed weaponry stored underneath her skin
-Constantly describes errors
-Has somehow managed to hide her secret from everyone in her universe, including herself
-Weaknesses: Water, falling down stairs, verbal insults, infinite loop paradoxes
~~-Animated armory by~~ ~~Faceless Jr~~ ~~and~~ ~~Bench Thief Productions~~ ~~(Redacted)~~

The Friendship is Witchcraft universe is a very... diverse dimension.

You mean it's *eff*ing weird. Ooze-worhipping cults, a main cast that actively announces that they will murder the background and side characters, and skipping around plot points or going out of order for no reason whatsoever.

Now, now, F. There's no need for such harsh criticism. Fans are at liberty to imagine their work however they like. That being said, there is one decision that seems out of left field and non-critical to the episodic stories. In this depiction of Equestria, Sweetie Belle is a robot.

Shortened to Sweetie Bot by the fans, she tends to speak with a very monotonous tone even when her face betrays her emotional state. There's a constant grinding of hydraulics whenever she moves just one of her limbs. While limited to whatever clips the editor pulls from the main show, Sweetie Bot is only one of many oddities this fan series has to offer. I mean, this is the same series that made Fluttershy kill her father and married Twilight off to her brother. Good luck sleeping tonight, people that used to have clean consciences.

While it's unclear what Sweetie Bot can bring to the battlefield, there have been hints toward her abilities. If rejected and angered too much by her sister, she can create an limited-space earthquake for a short burst. She can also scan her surroundings for locating objects and for recognizing threats.

There's also a slight possibility that she has guns and lasers hidden somewhere underneath her exterior. Too bad we never get to see those in an actual episode. I could just imagine a fight idea in the future: Sweetie Bot vs. The Terminator!

However, there are a couple weaknesses that prevent her from being the ultimate robot. Sweetie Bot malfunctions when submerged in water for longer than a few seconds. She also has very poor balance, imitating a slinky as she falls down the stairs.

Well... let's make her fight a robot show-monster.

"The fun levels shall be at maximum efficiency. I shall acquire my yo-yo, hammer, and other objects of fun!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Today is a good day for a meeting of the Snooty Snarky Vaders. Scootaloo, Input Name Sweetie Belle, and We're Friends are all huddled together in the clubhouse that Applejack set up so that they could leave her alone. For some reason, Former Princess-of-the-Night Luna is also in the clubhouse with them. The front of the structure is mysteriously missing its entrance door... and is in the middle of a space-like location.

"I'm lonely," says Luna through a mouth that is slowly losing teeth onto the floor. "Can I sleep with you children tonight?"

Scootaloo sighs reluctantly, despite happily flying in place. "I guess I can pull up my guest bed."

"Objection overruled!" We're Friends taps her mallet against the podium.

"Nyaow." Luna frowns. "I didn't even get to present the Thinker statue clock as evidence."

"I have good news and bad news." We're Friends clears her throat. "The good news is that we received a cool-looking piece of paper!" She holds it out. "The bad news is that I can't read anything on it."

Sweetie Belle's optics are "scanning" the contents of the paper. It appears to be a scam artist congratulating a lucky winner and that they will receive a fabulous prize. All the reader has to do to collect the prize is to follow the directions to the coordinates and face something that looks like a calculator with an electronic heart drawn on its face. After crunching a few numbers and jargon words in her data banks, she slides the piece of paper away into some unseen inventory and trots out. Her metal joints squeal as she picks up her pace.

"So... does that mean I can start vacuuming?" wonders Scootaloo.

1 hour later...

The completely biological life form stumbles into a crowded establishment. It appears to be a club containing dining tables and a stage. Curtains are drawn to reveal a brick wall behind it. The opening act is just a skeleton in a blue hoodie, cracking a few jokes that cookie cutter audience members are eating up and laughing out loud. A hooked cane slowly reaches out and pulls the skeleton off the stage.

A new entity strolls on stage via a singular wheel underneath its bulky structure. Several beeps and whirs are produced while a text box floats next to it, showing a translation for what it's saying. The little filly attempts to squeeze through the crowd to get a better look. Unfortunately, she manages to knock over a table and its candle. This somehow sets several tables on fire, convincing several of the audience members to vacate the premises.

"How rude!" The robot faces the unicorn filly. "If you're going to upstage me, at least have the courtesy to wait until the cameras get a good view of both of us."

FIGHT!

"As per the rules, setting the premises on fire is subject to a penalty." Mettaton points one of his robotic index fingers. It instantly blasts a loud, annoying laser that zaps the filly on the floor. She slumps down as her eyes flicker in rotating colors of red, green, and yellow.

"Warning: Power has dropped to 50%." She says as much to herself as anyone else. "Would you like to turn off non-critical tasks?"

"It'll have to wait, little girl." Metatton pulls out a stack of cards and straightens them out. "Question 1: If Papyrus drives his car at 60 mph, Sans miraculously rides his tricycle at 30 mph, and they pass each other after traveling for exactly 10 minutes, how far apart were Papyrus and Sans when they started?"

Sweetie Bot perks up and stands on all fours. "Fifteen miles."

"Correct!"

A pile of confetti pops out of one of the walls. Additionally, Mettaton pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays the carbon dioxide mixture at the blaze. After a few seconds, the fire dies down. It leaves behind some charred remains of tables in half. The robot monster tosses aside the extinguisher before flipping over one of his cards.

"Question 2: Who is the most fabulous individual in this building?"

Sweetie Bot's eyes return to their original light green. "Um... Rarity isn't here at present, so... is it... you?"

"Oo, I'm sorry. You hesitated for too long, darling." Mettaton points his finger at the filly robot and shoots another annoying laser.

"Warning: Power has dropped to 25%!" Sweetie Bot sits down and lets out a whirring sound effect as her tail tries to recover its normal wagging pattern. "I conclude that this game is rigged. Probability: 62.7% + or - 1.5%."

"Oh ho ho ho!" The lights flicker on Mettaton's panel. "Isn't that part of show business? Crowds love it when people fight the odds and dramatically come out on top!"

"If you're such a fan of drama, then why are your curtains such a plain color?" Sweetie Bot manages to at least put weight on one of her back hooves.

"What? Say it isn't so!" Mettaton turns around. "Surely the owner remembered to hang velvet and lace like I requested!"

Sweetie Bot's eyes scan her target. It appears that there are letters that spell out "Switch" on Mettaton's back. There is also a conspicuous arrow pointing down from that word. Underneath the arrow, there is in fact a switch. She focuses something into her horn that imitates the flow of magic as closely as a robot can make it.

*Boo-deep!*

...

"Did you... just flip... my switch?" Mettaton slowly turns to face forward again. The lights flash wildly on his panel. His gloved hands drop his cards and hold either side of his rectangular frame. The stage shakes underneath him as he wobbles around. The lights shut off.

...

"Oh... yes..."

Sweetie Bot activates a night vision that makes her eyes glow in the dark. She searches for the robot, but all that can be seen clearly is a cloud of fog rolling across the stage. There's a silhouette, but it's hardly rectangular. If anything, it looks more like a long-limbed, flexible humanoid. He's smiling.

"How rude. You wanted to see my true form so badly? Well, lucky you." Mettaton EX rhythmically dances to the beat at first. But once it picks up, he starts twisting his limbs in ways that normal humans cannot achieve in such short time intervals. Actually, more high-heel, metallic boots shoot out of nowhere and attempt to kick the sole filly in the audience.

Sweetie Bot jumps this way and that, trying to avoid the kicks. However, one random foot manages to crash into her. A number in the top left of her vision drops from 25% to 10% very rapidly.

"Error: Critical failure imminent! Would you like to send a report?" Sweetie Bot's eyes start flickering red.

Mettaton EX opens his eyes wide and waves his hands in front of himself. "What? No! A report isn't necessary."

"Sending report..." Old computer dial-up noises emit from Sweetie Bot's mouth.

"Well, darn it." Mettaton EX frowns as his arms and legs continue to shake around to his own theme music. "This will take a good five minutes. Let's cut to a commercial."

???DBCommercial???

From the creator of the RPG where every decision makes a difference...

*Human! It is not yet your time! You must stay determined!

... comes the continuation of a story where "your choices don't matter"...

*Your precious creation... will now be discarded...

DELTARUNE: Chapter 2 - Finale**

**Release date: New Year's Eve, 3017.

!!!We'reBack!!!

Mettaton EX summons rows of bombs to scroll toward the robotic filly. One of his summoned legs crosses from behind and kicks her in the rear.

"Reboot completed!" Her eyes glow a little extra green as the stage and floor quake. The bombs go off prematurely, leaving her unscathed. "Fear.EXE fully online."

"My, my... you actually have some fight left in you." Mettaton EX chuckles. "Let's have a heart to heart."

The humanoid robot shows off a floating valentine. It's white, upside-down, and surrounded by cybernetic cubes. Miniature versions of Mettaton's base form fly around the room via parasols. They toss valentine projectiles at Sweetie Bot. Her face warps like a miniature black hole, sucking in the projectiles. Her face returns to normal, looking no worse for wear.

"Is that the best you can do?" Things click and whir beneath Sweetie Bot's outer layer. "My sister has thrown worse things at me in her sleep!"

"Fancy yourself the star of this show?" Mettaton EX snaps his finger. "Then shine on you, baby!"

A large disco ball lowers itself from the ceiling. Several lights are released from this sphere. A couple streams of light are blue and they pass right over Sweetie Bot with no effect. The rest, however, are white and they collide with the filly like solid walls.

"Ow. ... Ow. ... Ow. ... Ow. ... Ow."

The number in the top left of her vision shines red-orange: 0%.

"System out of power. Shutting down..."

Sweetie Bot's gaze slowly turns to the floor. Her eyes stop shining with any color. The noises inside of her go silent.

"Somebody's in desperate need of a tune-up." Mettaton EX has a smug grin. "And it isn't me."

Defeated!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

I guess that's one way to keep it PG-13.

Sweetie Bot may have a cult following, but that doesn't always result in a victory when it comes to an actual fight. In fact, we have very little proof of Sweetie Bot having any fighting experience. Most of her robotic capabilities are implied through vague hints. Some of which never show up again in future episodes of Friendship is Witchcraft.

Yeah... the fan videos of other artists showcase her using hidden missiles. But even those have been more for warding off enemies, rather than outright killing them.

Meanwhile, Dr. Alphys really did equip Mettaton with violent tools of the trade. Sure, it's specifically designed to kill humans, but a lot of his weapons are capable of damage in multiple blast radii. He barely even needs accuracy to hit his target. Technically, he has more battle experience play-fighting than Sweetie Bot has for her entire screen time.

She was a Sweetie... Bot not a fighter.

The winner is Mettaton.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alternative finale...

Mettaton NEO charges up his royalty-free, Mega Buster. As the explosion of laser approaches the low-powered Sweetie Bot, artificial music interrupts the epic battle remix. It's slow... gentle... and 's not your, uh... usual boss finale.

"~And now... the end is near...
And so I face... his big arm cannon...
My friends... just so we're clear...
Love has been had... of which I'm certain...
I have lived... a flesh/blood life...
Each sistren hug... cold night and warm day...
And yet... my one regret...
It's not on Bluuuu-raaaay~"

The screen goes black, surrounding a small red valentine. It cracks down the middle before separating into six red pixels.

Author's Note

Did I try too hard to make the pre-battle scenario match the tone of Friendship is Witchcraft? I feel like I take things too far sometimes without knowing where the acceptable boundary is. The same could probably be said for my word puns.

**Actual Deltarune release date is not yet verified.

Welp, onto a new year!

Battle Royale: Main 7 vs. The Crystal Gems

Warning: The following chapter contains potential spoilers for Friendship is Magic (Middle of Season 8) and Steven Universe (End of Season 5). Continue reading at your own risk.

Please make sure your "Formatting" is set to "Dark" to allow brighter-colored text to be legible. Thank you.

The final result may not seem long, but it certainly feels long to me.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Death Battle channel, Cartoon Network and Rebecca Sugar.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Special Chapter

~Let's get ready to crumble!

There are many teams of cartoon super heroes that fight to protect the world they believe in. Some get as gritty and dark as possible, while occasionally trying to slip humor in the cracks.

And others showcase a boatload of colors while only occasionally tackling much darker undertones.

Representing Equestria are the Elements of Harmony and their main sidekick: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Spike.

And fighting for the Earth including an animated Beach City: Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems! In no particular order: Steven, Pearl, Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, Peridot, and Lapis!

While an exhaustive calculation of possibilities is impossible, and the director is only one person, we will do our best to showcase what we believe would be the most likely flow of events.

TL;DR: Our show, our way. The end. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Team Friendship

The land of Equestria is home to a multitude of mythological and magical creatures. Most dominant is the variety of ponies: Earth, Unicorn, and Pegasus, with a select few that achieve the power of Alicorn.

*sigh* As much as I love to hate these toy horses, I can't deny that they find ways to break reality. One breaks sound barriers; one breaks the fourth wall; one breaks physics with her magic... the list goes on.

But before our focus subjects for today became the famous heroes of this peace-loving nation, they were once unspectacular fillies. Twilight Sparkle was a unicorn trying to understand magic, though struggling in the practical application. Applejack wasn't even sure that farm life was even her calling. Pinkie Pie was a rock farmer, Rarity was unsatisfied with her dressmaking, Fluttershy had trouble flying, and Rainbow Dash was too headstrong for her own good.

That all changed the day that the rainbow-Pegasus discovered her desire to overcome the competition for the honor of a friend. Though, maybe she could have also taken notice of her friend's life in danger due to gravity and fear, but whatever. She made a freaking sonic boom! She made an explosion of air by traveling five times faster than the speed of sound... and promptly jumping to two times faster than that!

That's not just any sonic boom. It's the signature Sonic Rainboom. Not only did it break sound barriers, but also the visible light spectrum, a faraway boulder, a certain Earth pony's mane-style, and a unicorn's psyche enough to unleash magical output beyond what any normal filly should have been capable of.

After years of training and applying herself, while also saving the world multiple times next to her friends, Rainbow Dash finally found her coveted spot on the Wonderbolts. They're basically the pony Blue Angels. Oh, and the others did stuff too, I guess.

I've never known you to skip out on fascinating information, B.

Sorry, but I kind of want to get to the fighting bits sooner before the heat death of the universe. Do you honestly believe anyone that's read this far hasn't already found out everything they need to know about these six ponies and their magical Elements of Harmony?

Well... there's still some new information to cover, like how they've started to take time to educate future generations in the Magic of Friendship with multiple creatures as students. And Twilight Sparkle's assistant has gone through his molting cycle, finally gaining a pair of dragon wings for himself.

So the messenger lizard can fly now. Big deal. Here, let me just put this up about the important stuff:

Twilight Sparkle
-Alicorn (flight, magic, and strength)
-Strengths: telekinesis, illumination, beams, shields, gravity manipulation, transfiguration, partial intangibility, teleportation, voice projection, spell copy and spell reproduction, dark magic, friendship
-Weaknesses: neurosis, easily stressed, compulsiveness

Applejack
-Earth pony (strength)
-Strengths: strong back legs, lasso (long-ranged weapon), accuracy, quick on the ground, level-headed, team support
-Weaknesses: family pride before the fall, cannot tell a lie without making obvious gestures, can sometimes talk circles around herself

Fluttershy
-Pegasus (flight)
-Strengths: individual concern, flight, can walk on clouds, can keep up with Rainbow Dash (and even overpower her) when properly motivated, animal persuasion, supportive, encyclopedic knowledge on animals
Weaknesses: overwhelmed by excessive attention, dragons, peer pressure, surprises

Rainbow Dash
-Pegasus (flight)
-Strengths: speed, flight (3800+ mph on average), strong front hooves, weather manipulation, can walk on clouds, blinding techniques, personality imitation, occasionally stealth
-Weaknesses: inner depression, tunnel vision, imprecise, easily swayed at times

Rarity
-Unicorn (magic)
-Strengths: telekinesis, illumination, gem-detection, detail-oriented, multi-tasking, couch summoner, charm, some personality imitation
-Weaknesses: sometimes easily distracted, compulsiveness, excessive dirt, easily corrupted mind

Pinkie Pie
-Earth Pony(?)
-Strengths: utilizing cartoon physics, seeing beyond the fourth wall, hammer space, Party Cannon, cloning, comedic timing, positive emotion stimulant, baking, optimist, tough bite, wild imagination
-Weaknesses: mood whiplash, losing focus, exaggerated distrust, wild imagination

Spike
-Dragon (fire and resistance)
-Strengths: fire breath, drill/shovel tail, hover/flight, tough scales, immune to lava (see episode "Dragon Quest"), messenger fire
-Weaknesses: naivete, distracted by infatuation, inferiority complex, writers' slapstick timing

Wait, back up. Why did you call Pinkie Pie's wild imagination both a strength and a weakness?

Because her imagination can conjure either the greatest crack story ever written, or the worst possible assumption that makes her see her friends as monsters... or both!

Oh. ... I guess that makes sense.

~My Little Pony, do you know you're all my very best friends~

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Team Crystal Gems

Thousands of years ago in the depths of space, there was a home world for a faction of aliens known as the Diamonds, and their multiple servants that are represented by other gemstones. The youngest of the diamonds, Pink Diamond, wanted a chance to prove herself and was finally granted her first planet: Earth.

Wait, these Diamond aliens just give their children planets as presents? Where can I sign up to be adopted?

Well... it turns out that the gift wasn't exactly as glamorous as Pink Diamond thought. See, it turns out that the people, plants, and animals on Earth are all really beautiful. Whereas claiming the planet in the name of the Diamonds involves breaking apart the planet's resources, growing more gem soldiers, replacing the planet's core with a cluster of forcibly fused gems that eventually tear it apart, and essentially killing all life and leaving nothing behind but an empty shell. Oh, and... they keep the few lucky humans to survive in a zoo.

Ew... a cage where I'd essentially be standing in my own crap while waiting for some slop of a meal? No thank you. I take back my offer of joining the family.

That's what turned you off? *Ahem* Well, Pink didn't exactly like what her gift was turning into, so she went through a number of convoluted steps that don't really sound like good ideas when you put them all together. She faked her own death by having her Pearl allegedly kill her for good, keeping her real self hidden so she could come back in a new form permanently: Rose Quartz. Rose and Pearl went on a quest to strike fear into every other Gem that tried to conquer Earth, but she kind of stopped when she witnessed the fusion of a Ruby and a Sapphire. Her goal then switched to fighting for the Earth and all of the Gems that were outcast and would stand beside her. This led to a five thousand year-long war between The Crystal Gems for Earth and the Homeworld gems trying to avenge the death of Pink Diamond and finishing the planet destruction that was started.

Oh good gosh, that's practically a wall of text on the script.

But then once the dust was settled, Rose fell in love with a human who would call himself "Mr. Universe". She went through a union ritual that essentially erased herself while implanting her gem inside a human baby, Steven.

Huh. Sounds like a backstory for a main character if I've ever heard one.

Unfortunately, the fight against Homeworld didn't stop just because Rose Quartz AKA Pink Diamond was gone. Steven and his protectors, the remaining Crystal Gems would continue to face enemy gems, corrupted monsters, and several other hardships. All the while, they'd also endure the strangeness of Beach City and customs that they were not used to, aside from Greg and Steven trying their best to help them understand.

But Steven was just so empathy-driven and willing to see the good in everyone, that they befriended a few of the Gems and convinced them to join his side. He even managed to convince White Diamond, the oldest and arguably most dangerous of the three remaining Diamonds, to re-think her stance on life in general. Well, he did that after she brainwashed his gem friends, ripped out his gem, and that pure gem side of Steven deflected seven of her mind-dominating blasts at once!

And since you glossed over the Main 7 in their opposing group, I'll just post this:

Steven Universe
-Half-human (from father), half-gem (from mother)
-Strengths: Defensive bubbles, magic gem shield, adjustable gravity, cat shape-shifting, Pink Diamond's sword, healing saliva, adventurous taste buds
-Weaknesses: child psyche, refuses to fight to the death, shape-shifting can be uncontrollable without an immediate source of water to force him back to normal, emotional stress weakens his other abilities, squishy human bits

(Traits shared by most gems: True self is just the gem somewhere on their body. Their bodies are made of light and directly depend on the gravity and atmosphere of the planet they stand upon. Each has the power to shape-shift their body to some extent. Each can create magic bubbles to contain and teleport small items. If they take severe damage, they retreat into their gem to regenerate their energy. If the gem is cracked, the extended body is unstable. If their gem is shattered, they cannot come back.)

Pearl
-Strengths: Very well-organized; disciplined; precision; follows orders thoroughly; can summon spears, swords, and other various objects; leaves very few openings when concentrating; uses the environment to her advantage
-Weaknesses: Clings to friends and allies with zero regard for her own well-being; lacks tact; takes orders from her Diamond so literally to the point of being unable to act against it; doesn't deal well with illogical situations

Ruby & Sapphire
-Ruby: Can set fire to surroundings and boil water when angry; spontaneous
-Sapphire: Can freeze entire rooms when upset or trying to contain her stress; future sight
-Fusion name: Garnet
-Strengths: Headstrong; can see the future to a certain extent; can summon fist gauntlets and sunglasses; strong enough to punch with the force of a meteor impact; great singing voice; straight sense of humor
-Weaknesses: Can get carried away with more aggressive situations; future sight doesn't work when there are too many possibilities; has not used fire and ice powers when fused; vulnerable to mind control

Amethyst
-Strengths: Constantly shape-shifting; most tolerant of foods and noxious smells; can summon thorny whips (each with three gem-tipped ends; spin dash; can break loose without orders
-Weaknesses: easily ticked off; not very bright; weaker than other Quartz and Amethyst gems; unsure how to handle emotional pain

Peridot
-Strengths: Encyclopedic knowledge of Gem culture and technology; metal-bending powers; high resistance to fall damage
-Weaknesses: Cannot shape-shift; low resistance to crushing damage; highly dependent on external technology; physically weak power output

Lapis Lazuli
-Strengths: Water manipulation; flight using water-like wings; can adjust water to act like a solid or a liquid
-Weaknesses: Long time period of depression and abuse, both giving and taking; takes many things too literally; low self-esteem

(Gems can fuse with other gems to form larger, stronger selves. They must be in complete synchronization for the fusion to work. Too much stress, outside pressure, or conflicting thoughts can break the fusion back into the individual gems. Fusions taken into consideration for this battle may include Sugilite (Garnet and Amethyst), Sardonyx (Garnet and Pearl), Opal (Pearl and Amethyst), Smoky Quartz (Steven and Amethyst), and Alexandrite (Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl). Obsidian (Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven) did not show their full potential in their one appearance in "Change Your Mind", so they cannot be considered for statistical calculations.)

Wait, why'd you post Ruby and Sapphire in the same slot?

Because their most common state in the series is when they're fused together as Garnet. That is how they will start in this battle.

Wait, if all of the Gems use female pronouns, does that mean that fusing makes them-

I don't know!

~Steven and the Crystal Gems
Please don't go back in time
I accidentally caused a paradox
By watching myself die~

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle Royale!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

The title screen parts way for a pitch-black setting. There is an annoying sound effect that sounds similar to a slide whistle. A cartoon head appears on the right-hand side of the screen with an old man chuckle. The top of his head opens up and unrolls a white placard. Some crudely written letters are on this placard that spell out:

"Please do not worry about deaths or presumed deaths in the following chapter. Everything that happens here is non-canon to both cartoon series."

As soon as the last word registers, the placard disintegrates. A tiny propeller pops out of the old cartoon man's top and flies him out of the picture. ... I have so many questions.

The dark setting is chased away by an expanding, star-shaped outline. It reveals a construction site with cranes, tractors, iron bars, wooden foundations, bags of cement, and a few ponies wearing hard, yellow helmets. Oddly enough, there's a large circular pad near one corner of the site. This pad shines in a dazzling light before six figures hop out.

"Wait..." The boy wearing a pink shirt and sandals pulls out a folded up piece of paper from his pocket. "This doesn't look like the Crystal Source."

The magenta lady with a stocky afro and thick shades turns her head slightly. "Did you enter the code properly?"

"Well, I pushed 'C' and 'S'." The short, purple girl with long hair twists a finger around in her ear.

"Ugh! You clod!" exclaims the even shorter chartreuse Dorito girl. "The warpers don't take acronyms. They require precise spelling and coordination. Otherwise the algorithmic bank goes completely haywire and haphazard!"

"I'm sorry. This is probably my fault... somehow..." The blue lady crosses her arms and looks away.

"Now, now, let's all be calm and patient." The pale woman with a light blue jacket smiles thinly. "It's no one's fault that Amethyst's vocabulary doesn't extend to Homeland's technology."

"Oh, every time with you!" Amethyst turns on her heel and puffs up her chest while glaring at the pale woman.

Meanwhile, one thousand centimeters away, six familiar ponies and their young dragon companion walk along the road. The commotion from the construction site seems to have attracted their attention. They all take a peek around a nearby fence post. Exceptions include the rainbow-maned pegasus hovering over the fence top and the pink earth pony levitating upside-down from the upper barrier of the device's screen.

"You guys, stop fighting!" The boy magically conjures a shield just in time for Amethyst to slam quill-like hair right into it.

The resulting reverberation shakes the whole construction site. Iron bars start dropping down. The big, magenta lady grabs three from her group while jumping and shoving the other two out of harm's way. Meanwhile, worried construction ponies stand in place while shaking in fear.

Twilight and Rarity concentrate magic together to try and hold as much of the falling debris up as possible. Applejack and Rainbow Dash rush in, on hoof and wing respectively, and carry one pony each to safety. Pinkie Pie bounces along a row of barrels and manages to sweep two construction workers to a safe distance. Fluttershy and Spike work together to fly one last pony away. As soon as the coast is clear, the alicorn and unicorn drop their mass of cargo onto the paved dirt.

"Whoa!" The boy gets white stars in his eyes. "Those horses have magic!"

"Steven, we have magic," points out the pale woman.

"Yeah, but it's normal for us gems." Steven waves a hand dismissively. "Where did those guys get it without gems of their own?"

Amethyst squints while holding a hand above her eye level. "I mean, I think I see three on that gray one's butt."

Rarity's ear twitches and it sounds like her neck cracks upon turning to look. "Did some-creature just insult my flank?!"

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash flies above her group. "Those are the bozos that caused this construction accident in the first place!"

"They're going to attempt to break us." The magenta afro summons a pair of hard gauntlets over her hands. "Brace yourselves."

The gems conjure their respective weapons and items for the inevitable fray. This seems to be enough of a provocation for each of the ponies and the dragon to look angry and stare fiercely. The one exception here is Pinkie Pie who is simply smiling and bouncing in place, happy to be here.

FIGHT!

"Stick together, guys!" Twilight turns briefly to look at her friends. "We don't want them to catch us off-"

Amethyst's barbed whip snares one of Rainbow's legs, pulling her forward with a yelp. Shortly after, Garnet's fist collides with Applejack's face, sending her backward before the magenta lady jumps after her.

"... guard."

Twilight ignites her horn and puts up a magic shield, just in time to block a strike from Pearl's trident. Pinkie Pie gallops along the top of Steven's bubble, rolling him around the inside and making him dizzy in the process. Fluttershy flies around the field, trying to find some way to help. Close on that pegasus's tail is Lapis, who is bending water behind her back like a pair of wings.

"What's this?" Rarity wonders as her horn glows brightly. It seems to be resonating a pattern of glows from the green gem in Peridot's forehead.

"What the...?!" Peridot looks at her gem and waves her hands around it. "Hey! Unhand... I mean, un-glimmer me if you know what's good for you!"

Spike's eyes waver in their sockets at the sight of the beautiful gem. His licks the edge of his mouth and runs forward. Peridot grunts in confusion, before letting out a short scream at the sight of a baby dragon charging right for her. She turns around and runs away, mouth-breathing as she does so. Rarity gallops after the both of them.

Amethyst's whip slams Rainbow Dash into the ground behind her. The gem curls up into a ball and spins really fast, before turning into a shining projectile. Dash rubs her head with a hoof before rushing into the air. Amethyst pulls out of the spin, displacing a lot of dirt with her heels. She conjures a second whip and thrashes them against the sky. Dash flies around faster than the hidden camera can keep up, dodging the cracking whips all over the place.

Applejack eventually collides with a tree, splitting the whole thing apart and turning it into timber. She groans as she looks up just in time to see an approaching set of sunglasses. Garnet reaches out her giant gauntlet for another punch. This one sends the earth pony sliding across more ground. Snorting, Applejack stands up, adjusts her hat, and puts her hooves firmly underneath her.

Something briefly twinkles underneath the top of Garnet's shades. "What? There's no way that can be right..."

Two back hooves collide with Garnet's stomach region, sending her flying all the way back to where she started before the fight began. She slides along her back, leaving an imprint of her afro in the dirt.

"... Ow." Garnet places her gauntlets on either side of the crater she is in and pushes herself back up to a standing position.

Steven holds his hands over his mouth. Pinkie Pie has taken to hopping on top of his bubble, giggling to herself while the boy looks sick. With a flick of his wrist, Steven conjures a pink shield with a light blue pattern and flings it upward. It pops the bubble and collides with Pinkie's chin soon after. Steven stands on his sandals and squints as he looks up. His shield carries Pinkie above the cloud line and out of sight.

"Do you think she'll come down soon?" he asks to nobody in particular.

"I don't know." The pink pony looks up in the same direction as he is. "You did throw pretty hard."

"Waugh!" The boy yelps before jumping back. "But you were just... but you were up... how are you here?"

"Well it'd be rude if I left completely without saying a word, Steven!" She pulls him into a hug and smiles brightly.

"That doesn't answer my question!" he complains while squirming.

It appears that Fluttershy notices the flying blue gem on her tail. "Go away, please!"

"Don't take this personally." Lapis raises her open hand.

Some water in a nearby pond rises up under her control. The form mirrors Lapis's own hand before rushing out at the yellow pegasus. Fluttershy only has time to let out a quick gasp before the watery hand grabs around her. Lapis curls her fingers into a fist. The water responds by shifting into the shape of a cuff with chains. It presses hard around Fluttershy's neck and body, making her squeal in pain.

Pearl spins her trident around, adjusting the angle to make it hit Twilight's magic shield at various points. In response, Twilight tries flying around. Both of their eyes dart around for some kind of opening. Pearl leaps into a pirouette and does some air combos with her trident. It looks like Twilight's shield is holding for the time being.

"Your defense is pretty good," admits Pearl as she lands feet-first on the ground. "But you can't win without a plan of attack."

"Who said I wouldn't attack?" Twilight switches to a magic beam spell.

The beam hits the trident, spinning it out of Pearl's grasp. There is a moment of surprise as Pearl looks at the weapon landing off to the side. Twilight shoots a couple more blasts of magic. Pearl rolls forward and pulls out a couple swords from the gem on her forehead. She swings them at the incoming alicorn... only for said alicorn to phase through the new weapons and wielder entirely. Again, Pearl is caught off balance and she waves her arms frantically before regaining her footing.

"Been a while since I needed that intangibility spell," mutters Twilight. With another magical charge, she levitates Pearl up and away.
---
Peridot manages to find some bits and pieces of metal bindings from barrels as she runs. She turns with her hands reaching out. The metallic strips fly out at the dragon chasing after her. A couple pieces whack him over the head, but don't cause him to do much more than groan in annoyance. The rest of the metal flies right past him.

Rarity yelps as she barely sidesteps out of the way of the remainder of the metal. Some of Peridot's impromptu nails fly at Rarity, but the unicorn lights up her horn. The nails stop in her own magic field before she keeps galloping with them. The short lime Dorito trips over a stray iron bar. She attempts to lift the bar with her powers, but seems to be having trouble moving it more than an inch along the ground.

"Spikey, heads up!" Rarity turns the nails around and launches them.

Spike flaps his wings to back up a couple feet, letting the nails safely pass around him. He breathes out a plume of green flames, making the nails really hot in the process. In her grunting, Peridot fails to notice the hot nails until they burrow through her projected body's light-mass. The gem screams upon receiving her new set of holes.

Rarity's gem-finding spell makes Peridot's gem glow once again. The dragon swoops in closer and chomps down on the gem. As he chews up the chartreuse rock, the rest of Peridot's body appears to twist in and out of focus. Her screaming sounds like it keeps getting interrupted by static and a poor radio signal. As soon as Spike swallows, Peridot disappears entirely.

In a brief moment on her hind legs, Rarity punches down on her own hoof once. "That's it!"

"Huh?" Spike turns his head while patting his belly. "What's it?"

Rarity turns on her back hoof and motions with her front. "Come along, Spike. I'll explain while we regroup with the others!"

Peridot - Status: RETIRED

Whips keep cracking at the dodging cyan pegasus. Both Amethyst and Rainbow Dash are visibly sweating from their continued efforts. Dash flies off for a quick second while Amethyst breathes heavily. The ends of her whips hit the ground while they're currently not being used. Amethyst chuckles, thinking that her opponent is running away.

Unfortunately for the gem, this turns out to not be the case. Rainbow pulls a dark gray cloud into view and bounces on top of it. Amethyst shakes in place as a lightning bolt surges through her being. She shakes her head and looks up with a growl. She shape-shifts into a pegasus with her purple gem on her chest, then flies up and around the next round of thunder and lightning. Dash exhales a breath of confusion before the gem's new back hoof kicks her in the face.

Dash gently rubs the new sore spot before flying forth with a rainbow trail behind her. Amethyst uses her new set of wings to copy the flight path in the opposite direction. Both pegasi exchange hits with their front hooves. However, that initial exchange is the only one that is matched as the cyan mare flies around faster and faster. Amethyst tries to follow while flailing her hooves around her, but she keeps receiving blows in the head and abdomen.

Finally, Dash delivers a blow hard and quick that it sounds like a loud pop in the distance. A few teeth fly loose from Amethyst's mouth as her form changes back to normal. After skipping along the ground a few times, her external body poofs. The exposed gem slides to a stop on the dirt.

Rainbow flies away to get back to her friends. A quick light shimmers across the top of Amethyst's gem.

Applejack gallops along and leaps over Garnet's head. The earth pony lands, lifts her hind hooves, and extends them out for a buck. This time, Garnet stops the double-kick with her gauntlet, open-palmed. Applejack gasps as the giant hand clamps around her and throws her straight up.

"You made me disbelieve my own future vision the first time you showed me how much power you had," says Garnet with an indoor voice. "I commend you for that." She clenches her gauntlets and bends her knees slightly. "Your mistake was using your most powerful attack so early."

As Applejack falls, she fishes out her lasso from somewhere. Grabbing the rope with her tail, she whirls it around and thrusts it below her. The lasso presses around Garnet's chest and arms. With a bit of quick thinking and a twist in the rope, Applejack lands loudly and proudly back on solid ground. She smirks as she pulls the rope tighter... only to lose the smile when Garnet flexes and snaps the rope to shreds.

"Oh, horse-feathers..."

AJ turns and gallops away. The magenta woman gives fair chase on foot.

Pinkie Pie is still hugging Steven really tightly. Grunting and straining, he can't seem to get her off. Frowning as best as he can while his face is currently scrunched up, he conjures some of his gem power. He conjures his pink shield and spreads it out, pushing the pony away from him.

"Look, normally I'm all about free hugs," admits Steven, "but I'd rather everyone else stop fighting too, so we can enjoy them properly."

"Oo! I know a way we can get started on that!" Pinkie Pie bounces in place.

"Really?" Steven's eyes twinkle with stars in them. "How?"

Before Steven realizes it, he is inside of a dark space with only a circle of light behind him. Outside, Pinkie Pie adjusts the path of her party cannon before covering her ears. There's a loud pow as the cannon blasts the boy right onto Garnet's face. She halts her chase to gently peel him off and carry him safely.

Pinkie Pie hops off the screen to the right.

Fluttershy tries to pull the water chains off. But her hooves can do nothing but move water around while Lapis Lazuli holds the real cuff tighter and tighter. Fluttershy gasps for precious air. Her eyes open wide as they threaten to roll back into her head. In contrast, Lapis closes her eyes and turns her head away from her latest victim.

There's an animal's silent chitter off to the side. A white bunny rabbit bounces along a convenient stack of toppled construction debris. He kicks off a corner and lands on the flying blue lady's back.

"Huh?" Lapis looks around and grabs with her hands. "Hey! Get off!"

Her distraction drops the water from the pegasus pony. Fluttershy coughs as vitality returns to her. She manages to catch sight of the current struggle between gem and bunny. She reaches out a hoof and tries to warn him to be careful.

The gem appears to boil in frustration. Her watery wings twist around and grab the rabbit, throwing him off her. She sends more water after him, pinning him to the ground. Moving her hands together as if holding an invisible ball, the water complies and surrounds the rabbit in a small sphere. He panics and attempts to move his paws to swim to the water's surface, but Lapis keeps pushing him back down under it.

"No..." Fluttershy hovers down, but doesn't get closer for fear of the water that had held her not too long ago. "No! Please! Let him go!"

The bunny holds his throat with both paws. His cheeks swell, trying desperately to hold onto his remaining air. Eventually, all bubbles pour out of the rabbit's mouth. His eyes close as his body hangs motionless inside the watery sphere.

"Angel!" wails Fluttershy with streams from her eyes.

Lapis Lazuli exhales and drops her arms to either side. "Glad that's over with..."

For some aesthetic decision, the animator puts a symbol for "Danger" on repeat and has it scroll along the bottom of the screen.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something..." Lapis has a deadpan expression as she mutters to herself.

The screen goes black as the "Danger symbol" occupies the entire screen.

"YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER!!!"

Lapis turns her head to look... only to get a face full of yellow hoof. The salty tears in Fluttershy's eyes are replaced with angry flames. She roars like a wild beast before she seems to vanish. In speed lines similar to Dash from earlier in the battle, Fluttershy races around faster than Lapis can track. What the audience can see are the multiple grunts of pain and flinching from Lapis's face, back, and the rest of her body.

In her rage, the pegasus fails to notice that one of her kicks creates a crack in the blue gem on Lapis's back. She flies into the blue lady's face with enough force to create four sequential sonic booms upon impact. With all that damage, Lapis's body appears to short-circuit before retreating into the cracked gem.

The blue gem is sent falling with style into the same iron bar that Angel Bunny had used to reach her in the first place. The crack extends further along the gem until it splits into multiple pieces.

Fluttershy's anger leaves her dissatisfied. She flies off to regroup with her friends. She knows that monster wasn't alone. There is still work to be done.

Lapis Lazuli - Status: RETIRED

"Twilight!" Rarity exclaims. "These creatures weakness' is their gems! Spike just has to eat them!"

Twilight blinks. "Huh. ... That's an oddly specific fact. Maybe I should record that later."

Applejack gallops up next to them. "Had to ditch the big one. What'd I miss?"

"Heh heh." Rainbow Dash flew in close. "Mine went down like a chump!"

"You figured out you had to destroy her gem too?" asks Rarity.

"Do what to her what?" Dash tilts her head.

"That sounds like a 'no'." Spike crosses his arms.

"Hi, guys!" Pinkie Pie hops in from the left side of the screen. "I gave the cute one a free hug and showed him my Party Cannon!"

A sweat drop appears behind Twilight's ear. "Uh... good for you, Pinkie Pie."

Fluttershy flies over and lands. Her mane casts a shadow over her eyes.

"Oh, Fluttershy!" Rarity trots over. "We figured out that their gems are their weak points."

"We're merciful." Her feathers shake with tension. "We'll give them all a quick end."

"Ah, of course." Rarity chuckles nervously.

Pearl lands and slides next to her team. "Oh my gosh, those horses have magic."

"That's exactly what I said!" Steven exclaims while holding up his arms.

"Hold on guys!" Amethyst breathes out loud while running over. "What happened while I was out?"

Garnet sets Steven down. "We lost Peridot and Lapis Lazuli."

Pearl picks herself up and brushes the dust off her arms. "Well, no matter. We can figure out a plan to take care of these creatures in time for them to reform."

"They're not going to reform."

Pearl, Amethyst, and Steven all look at their tallest ally. "What?"

Garnet's left arm shakes. "Their gems are no longer in a state that can reform."

"I can fix them with my spit!" insists Steven. "Just tell me where I'll find them."

"You won't find Lapis at all." Garnet briefly removes her shades. "But we'll find Peridot in that dragon's stomach."

...

"Oh..." Steven wipes his wet palm on his shirt.

Pearl clears her throat. "Well, Crystal Gems, I do believe we know exactly what this situation calls for."

Amethyst smiles wryly. "Alexandrite?"

"Alexandrite." Garnet puts her shades back on.

"Fusion!" Steven hoops and hollers.

Pearl starts dancing like a ballerina. Amethyst flips her hair around pumps her arms around like a freestyle dancer. Garnet bops her head while snapping her fingers. As the other two get closer, she grabs one of their hands in each of her own. Steven looks up at the growing, green light in awe.

"Okay!" Twilight addresses the other ponies and dragon. "This time, we stay together. Got it?"

"Got it!" echoes the rest with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

Spike points a claw and his eyes open wide. "Holey guacamole! What is that?!"

As the ponies turn to look, their expressions shift to match the dragon's. A large creature with magenta skin, green hair, and purple accessories stomps forward. Its humanoid face lifts its chin to reveal a second mouth, with much more teeth in it. This giant roars with a jet of hot pink fire.

"Bunga-cowa!" Steven cheers from the creature's shoulder. "Fear the wrath of the giant woman!"

Rainbow gulps. "We... aren't equipped for that kind of monster."

Pinkie Pie pulls out a golden suitcase. "Sure we are!" She opens it up to reveal a royal purple cushion with five unique necklaces and a big tiara resting on it.

"The Elements of Harmony?!" Twilight exclaims.

"When'd you have time to pick these up?" Applejack holds out a hoof facing upward for emphasis.

Pinkie Pie pretends to perform a golf swing. "Well, after I fired the kid away, I had some time to knock off my clock..."

"Good grief, we don't have time for the play-by-play," points out Fluttershy. "We have an enemy to take down."

"Fair enough!" Rarity concurs.

With a quick cast, Twilight magically attaches her crown and the five necklaces to their proper wearers. They each face the incoming enemy and close their eyes to concentrate. Spike runs off to one side while his friends get to work. The Magic of Friendship ties together like a multi-colored ribbon between the butterfly, the apple, the diamond, the balloon, the lightning bolt, and finally the six-pointed star.

Alexandrite conjures a bow and light arrow. She takes aim at the center of the friendship circle. The arrow glows like a shooting star. The ponies' combined magic shoots out in a spiral of six colors of light. The gems' arrow fires, briefly taking the form of the three ladies that make up the fusion. In their current forms, the two attack beams pass right around each other.

"Steven, get back!"

Alexandrite brushes the boy off her shoulder to slowly float behind her. She yells out as all of the ponies' magic collides with her. It turns into a rainbow that burns right through her being. Meanwhile, the light arrow explodes in the space between the ponies, forcing all six to scatter from their formation. They slide along the ground in different directions.

"Guys!" Steven yells out.

The form of Alexandrite disperses. At first, it appears that the three gems' main bodies return as they fall. However, those bodies also poof, leaving four different gems to fall toward the ground. Of all the times for Steven's floating to kick in, he really wants to fall faster but can't seem to concentrate on doing so.

"Twilight! Everypony!" Spike calls out while flying over his team.

"H-Hurry... Spike..." Twilight groans. "The gems..."

Spike nods and flaps as hard as he can to charge toward the falling gems.

"Oh no, you don't!" Steven conjures his shield and throws it at the incoming dragon.

"Whoa!" Spike narrowly leans to avoid the projectile and continues flying. His fangs clamp down on the amethyst and he swallows the pieces, save for some crumbs.

"Stop!" Steven conjures a large pink sword and tosses it Spike's way.

Again, Spike leans away from the weapon, but its blade causes a tear in his left wing. He manages to stuff the ruby and sapphire down his gullet just before he's forced to make a crash landing along the ground. Thankfully, his pain is minimized by his thick scales. The pearl bounces on the dirt over his head along his spine. He curls his tail up and manages to hang onto the pale gem while he pushes off the ground with his claws to stand up.

"No more!" Steven calls out as he finally touches down on the ground.

Spike pants before grabbing the gem and getting it down in two bites.

...

Steven falls to his knees and looks down. Streams flow from his eyes. He punches the ground with both of his fists. They're all gone. All of them are... gone. He curls up in a fetal position and surrounds himself in a pink bubble.

Amethyst - Status: RETIRED

Sapphire & Ruby - Status: RETIRED

Pearl - Status: RETIRED

Steven Universe - Status: Out of Commission

Twilight Sparkle - Status: Unable to battle

Applejack - Status: Unable to battle

Fluttershy - Status: Unable to battle

Pinkie Pie - Status: Unable to battle

Rarity - Status: Unable to battle

Rainbow Dash - Status: Unable to battle

Contestant(s) remaining: Spike

K.O.!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Oh my gosh, that was a slaughter. ... Do it again!

There is a lot to unpack here. In order to even begin to make sense of this outcome, we're going to need to break down the various components. First of all, the Crystal Gems do technically have more battle experience collectively than the ponies. However, this was mostly against their own kind and would therefore be used to very specific strategies that a lot of the same gems would use.

On the other hand, these ponies have had to work around the schemes of a whole bunch of different enemies like the embodiment of darkness, chaos, shape-shifters, tyranny, other ponies, a bug-bear, a centaur, and a whole bunch of other stuff. They're kind of used to dealing with unusual things outside their expertise.

In terms of intellect, we'd likely be comparing the knowledge of Pearl and Peridot against that of Twilight and Rarity. Peridot knows about more advanced technology. Pearl knows a variety of basic weapon techniques. Twilight's knowledge is an entire library's collection of textbook information. Rarity knows the most in her group about societal gossip and faux pas. In conjunction, Rarity and Twilight are more likely to come to agreements on what knowledge is applicable than Pearl and Peridot, since those two gems seem to have different opinions about function and purpose.

Power and creativity seems like a no-brainer. Garnet pretty much carries the muscle of the Crystal Gem's team along with future sight to predict her opponents' moves. But there's no way she's predicting the fourth-wall-breaking cartoon physics that are personified through Pinkie Pie. Add that pink pony's own reconstruction ability to Applejack's raw strength, and you're looking at odds that are next to impossible.

When it comes to speed, Rainbow Dash tops out at multiple times the speed of sound. While Amethyst is fast enough to surround herself with light, that's typically more for looking cool and doesn't offer much when her moves are straightforward and consistent. Also, she has a tendency to lose her solid form the most among her peers. Perhaps that's a good drawback for having the quickest re-spawn time.

Controlling an entire ocean and holding another gem down seems impressive, but Lapis was also kind of attacking herself when she did that. Plus, it's easier to target her gem as a weak point than the other Gems, since it's not exactly within her line of sight. Depression's only a good weapon when used to hold your ground against Blue Diamond, not an explosive temper coming from the normally quiet Fluttershy. Actually, Fluttershy at full potential can give Rainbow Dash a difficult time staying ahead, and we know how fast and tough she is.

Finally, there's the odd one out from both groups. As a half-human, Steven is more in touch with what's considered normal for non-gem creatures and can think outside what the Gems are used to. However, his negative emotions are much stronger when combining those of his human half and the embodiment of emotion that was his gem, Pink Diamond. These can cloud his judgment in stressful situations.

That's not to say Spike is immune to emotional outbursts. He is still a rather young dragon and impressionable. But he's also the most level-headed when his friends in Ponyville are going nuts. Plus, he can take the physical punishment that most of them can't, like lava, fire, and sharp objects.

Ultimately, while the Crystal Gems can fight through the toughest of odds, so too can the Little Ponies.

And that's how you crunch the taste of victory.

The winner is Team Friendship.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

Man... I feel kind of terrible now.
...
In an unrelated note, I did make a Jojo reference somewhere in here. I can't remember exactly where, but it's there.

Lightning Round: Pick A Card

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to whatever lets you read the text.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the fights are done without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Cheaters Rarely Prosper---

Chrysalis (MLP:FiM) vs. D'arby the Gambler (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders)

The simulation conjures up part of a desert in the middle of Egypt. A four-legged figure walks through the sand toward a small oasis town. Its face is hidden under its tan cloak. Several buildings' outlines wiggle behind the waves of heat. The camera zooms in on a bar and club.

The figure approaches the bar and gruffly orders, "The strongest thing you've got."

The man behind the bar smirks and swiftly pulls out a gun to the cloaked figure's face.

She spits to the side and says, "Cute," before a green aura turns the gun around. A shot goes through the man's forehead before he slumps over on the floor. She glances her slit eyes around, yet most of the attendees pay no mind. However, a well-dressed man with a split mustache quietly taunts her with one finger. Her eyes move as if raising an eyebrow. Deciding to humor him, she stands up and trots over.

After passing a pink-maned customer, she scoffs. "If you're expecting me to apologize or clean up, you're mistaken."

"On the contrary, ma'am." The fancy man waves his hand dismissively. "I see that you have quick reflexes and wished to commend you for them."

"Oh, spare me." She practically hisses. "What do you really want?"

"Straight to business?" He smiles thinly. "Very well, I'd like to propose a contest of wit. Choose a game, and I'll show you the prowess of a legendary gambler."

"Really? Pah!" She reveals her blackened hoof with holes. "In that case, why don't we just play Poker since you've already got a deck out?"

"If you insist." The 'legendary gambler' starts shuffling the cards more vigorously. "I should probably mention that the loser of this duel will also lose their soul."

Visible only to the audience, another presence floats in wait behind the gentleman, looking over his shoulder.

"You just made a mistake, fool." The former changeling queen smirks. "I never lose."

The pink-maned pony turns around at recognizing the voice. "Hey, Chrysalis! Are you sure you should be playing a game where you can lose? Remember all those times you lost? Like the times some random pony defeated you? Are you losing right now and you're just too embarrassed to admit it?" The last clone of Pinkie waves her hoof in front of the changeling's face. "Chrysalis?"

Chrysalis growls. "I never lose!"

The man smirks as he deals five cards face-down to each of them. "Then may the best player win."

Eyes on the prize!

Open the game!

Each of the players currently has ten poker chips in front of themselves. The rules of Five-Card Poker are fairly straightforward. Once per turn, players can opt to trade-in some of their cards in an attempt to get a better combination of cards. These better cards are called "stronger hands". The player that has the "strongest" hand wins the round. Whoever takes all of the other player's chips first wins the entire game.

However, as simple as this premise is, it's the betting aspect that turns the game into a psychological war zone. Even if your opponent has a stronger hand, you may be able to convince them to fold and surrender the round if you bluff well. That being said, D'arby the Gambler is a force to be reckoned with in high-stakes Poker. For he not only has a decent poker face, but he can also cheat when replacing cards so well that the average human eye cannot even detect that he is doing so.

Normally, changelings can copy subjects so flawlessly that it takes more than a first glance to detect that something is wrong. But given her recent defeats, Chrysalis is more driven by emotion and vengeance than she has ever been before. While tenacity is a strength for many, this wearing of emotions on her metaphorical sleeve can be costly in this scenario.

...

I don't know why I put on an announcer voice for that bit. Onward!

The camera gives the audience a glimpse of the cards currently being held by both players. D'arby is holding the jack-of-clubs, the jack-of-hearts, the nine-of-diamonds, the seven-of-spades, and the two-of-hearts. Under her hoof, Chrysalis is holding the queen-of-spades, the queen-of-clubs, the ten-of-hearts, the ace-of-clubs, and the three-of-spades. Her odds of winning with these current cards is fairly high.

"Let's open first bets with one chip apiece." D'arby tosses one poker chip from his stack onto the center of the table.

"Why should we stop there?" Chrysalis asks rhetorically before setting three chips into the pot. "I raise you two."

"Such confidence." D'arby places another two from his stack into the collection. "Perhaps I should be concerned." He chuckles inside his mind. "Anyway, I'll replace two of my cards." He sets a couple cards from his hand to the side and draws two new ones.

"I'll do the same for now." Chrysalis redraws two cards. Then, she looks down slightly.

"Final bets before the reveal," says D'arby. "I'll bet two more just to keep it interesting."

"You're sure in a hurry to lose." Chrysalis levitates two more chips from her stack to the pile.

All final bets are in place. The pot has ten chips in it. It is time to reveal the hands and compare their strength. Chrysalis lays down her five cards; three of them are queens. She looks at her opponent, showing some of her lower jaw's fangs.

"A three-of-a-kind." D'arby sighs. "Too bad it loses to this!"

When he lays down his hand, it is revealed that all four of the jacks are in it. It's a four-of-a-kind! D'arby wins the round and all of the wagered poker chips that go with it. Chrysalis grunts in frustration, while the nearby Pinkie clone gasps in dramatic fashion. D'arby has fifteen chips available to wager. Chrysalis is down to five chips.

"Bad luck, that time." D'arby chuckles. "You almost got me to shake a little."

"Deal again." Chrysalis pulls her cloak back, revealing her jagged horn and mess of a mane. "I've figured out your tells."

"Unlikely." D'arby shuffles the deck. "Everyone knows a true gambler has no tells."

"Did you lose yet?" asks the Pinkie clone.

"Shut up, fake Pinkie!" Chrysalis yells at her unwanted bystander.

D'arby starts dealing the next hands one card at a time. He alternates between one card to his opponent and one to himself. He is currently on the fourth card to deal when a green blast hits his right wrist. Naturally, he exclaims in pain. Chrysalis stares at him lividly while a small trail of smoke floats off her horn.

"I wasn't sure at first," she admits. "But after watching closely, I saw exactly how you've been cheating."

"Huh?" The Pinkie clone looks around at the table and its contents. "How could he be cheating when he was still dealing cards?"

"That deck has a card in the middle sticking out." Chrysalis points at it. "That's the card he was trying to give me. If he got away with that, he'd be able to give himself the top card."

She uses her magic to flip over the top card: a joker standing in as a wild card. She then magically flips over the rest of the cards D'arby dealt to himself. They're the four aces of the deck.

"That slippery weasel would have had a five-of-a-kind led by a wild, an unbeatable hand." She slams the table with her hoof. "If you were one of my subjects, I would have incinerated your face off for such insubordination! Consider the pain you feel now as a mercy!" She turns to look at the fake Pinkie. "Find somebody else to deal the cards. I can't trust him to do that anymore."

"Okie-dokie!" The fake Pinkie bounces away with a weird 'sproing' sound effect with each step.

D'arby grunts as he does a rush job of bandaging his wrist, using his left hand. "I was right. You have sharp reflexes. But the game is already close to its climax. You should have had faster eyes."

"Don't be an idiot." Chrysalis scoffed. "Nobody can see faster. All that matters is having power and using it."

Clone Pinkie pops back in with a familiar face. "Found some pony!"

"Huh? What? Where am I?" Twilight Sparkle looks around wildly. "What's going-- Chrysalis?!"

"You..." Chrysalis's eyes briefly glow in green hatred.

Twilight glances over and spots the man's bandaged wrist. "What happened to you?"

D'arby snarls. "Let's just say I got caught cheating and paid the consequences for it."

"Wait... you just openly admitted to that?" Twilight raises her eyebrow.

"So, like I asked you before, can you deal cards?" The Pinkie clone smiles while wagging her tail.

At a different table, someone accidentally pushes their wine glass over. The cup crashes against the floor.

Twilight crosses her front hooves. "Why would I do anything for the benefit of two creatures that actively manipulate others for their own selfish gain?"

"Because it would be FUN!" Clone Pinkie covers her mouth with her hooves before plopping back down to ground level. "Sorry..."

Twilight takes a breath and exhales gently. "Fine, but if either of you tries to pull something, I will stop you."

"You will try." Chrysalis rolls her eyes.

Using her magic, Twilight splits the deck into two piles and riffle-shuffles them. After doing this a couple more times, she straightens it out. She levitates five cards face-down to the man and the changeling. She squints her eyes, watching for any step out of line. This time, the audience does not get to see the cards' faces of either player.

"One chip... and one card." D'arby declares his bet and redraw.

"If you cheat me just because of a grudge..." Chrysalis glares at Twilight.

"Don't throw stones from your glass hive." Twilight returns the gaze with equal intensity.

"Raising three... and give me two new cards." Chrysalis throws most of her remaining chips into the pile. She takes a look at her new cards.

"I'll see that bet." D'arby moves the appropriate chips with his left hand. "And... I'll raise that again to double."

"Hah!" Chrysalis shifts her gaze to her opponent. "Have you lost the ability to count? You're betting eight chips now, more than I have left."

"Exactly!" D'arby points at her. "You'll have to either go all-in right now... or fold with only one chip left to your name. Which will it be?"

Aside from the intense background music, the club goes completely silent. Chrysalis slowly raises a hoof over her eyes. It's a bit difficult to determine what kind of noise is coming from her throat. But it eventually erupts into a mad cackle.

"You're that desperate for a finale, gambler? Fine!" She slams her last chip into the pot. "One way or another, I'll beat you faster than you can say, 'Revenge on Starlight Glimmer!' "

The cards in each hand are laid face-up on the table. D'arby's hand contains the seven-of-spades, the six-of-hearts, the five-of-diamonds, the four-of-clubs, and the three-of-spades. It's a 'straight'. Chrysalis's cards turn out to be the seven-of-hearts, the six-of-spades, the five-of-hearts, the four-of-spades, and the three-of-diamonds. It's a 'straight' of the same values.

"Tie," comments Twilight. "The pot is split. Round-off chip goes to the player left of dealer." Twilight glances to her left at Chrysalis. "... unfortunately."

"Well, that was anti-climactic." D'arby collects six chips from the pot.

"Yes, I guess it was..." Chrysalis's horn glows while her opponent's head is down. "Yah!"

Her magic blast looks like it's going straight for the man's head. Twilight gasps, knowing that any counter-spell she casts now would be too late. Clone Pinkie reaches to cover her eyes in slow motion while mouthing the phrase "Oh... my... Celestia!"

The blast collides with something in midair and is deflected. Both ponies and the changeling blink their eyes in confusion. What just happened? Well, the audience gets a look at the presence with circular digits for fingers floating around and from D'arby.

He smirks. "Looks like I caught you cheating this time. Unfortunately, I don't have your kind of mercy. So you'll have to settle for a harsher penalty."

Twilight shakes her head. "Wait! I don't understand! How did you block that? Humans can't cast magic! ... Well, most of them."

"If you can't see my Stand, I'm afraid you don't have the tools to beat it." D'arby points with his good hand. "Osiris, take her soul!"

The Stand phases through and grabs Chrysalis between both of its appendages. Chrysalis looks around, but can't see anything. Her irises shrink as a ghost in the shape of her is ripped right out of her flesh. This ghost faintly screams before being forced to shrink. As soon as Osiris presses its fingers together, a green poker chip falls onto the table and bounces into D'arby's grasp.

"That was almost too easy." He chuckles while staring at his new collectible.

Chrysalis's body hangs limply on her seat. There's a faint pulse, but any completely voluntary functions aren't responding. Twilight drops the deck in shock. Clone Pinkie stares in horror at the scene.

"What did you do?!" Twilight exclaims.

"I beg your pardon, miss?" D'arby flips the green chip around between his fingers. "Last I checked, you didn't particularly like this old witch. You're free to go."

Twilight stares at him in disbelief. "Maybe I didn't like her, but that doesn't mean you can just take her soul out!"

"Why do you care so much?" D'arby looks with a calmer, yet equally confused sense of disbelief. "Are you saying you'd be willing to play to recover her soul?"

"No!" A new voice overcomes the rabble of the bar and club.

All three of this table's current guests look over. A high school student with chains on his outfit walks over. He shoves the changeling aside with his foot before taking the seat himself.

"Your next opponent is me."

D'arby somehow manages to clench the fist of his bad wrist. "Jotaro..."

Retired!

This round's victory goes to... D'arby!

---The White Captain---

Shining Armor (MLP: FiM) vs. Blaster Blade (Cardfight!! Vanguard)

Make your selection!

A screen shows a bunch of small icons that depict various people, creatures, and things from miscellaneous media. A red "1P" flicks around until it lands on the image of a white unicorn with a blue mane. Simultaneously, a blue "2P" darts around the board until it highlights a man with teal eyes and armor filled with a pattern of white and blue pieces and a few red jewels.

The background shatters to reveal a wide-open valley with a mountain range and a faded moon against a bright blue sky. The unicorn stallion seems to have been decked out with a set of armor with gold and royal purple pieces. Several feet away, a jagged circle of light appears in the ground. An astral body floats down and takes the form of the man in armor. He lifts his white blade and stands ready.

Stand your ground!

Let's rock!

Blaster Blade's sword opens at two joints as white lightning rushes out. "Burst Buster!"

Shining Armor's horn briefly flashes and a dark pink barrier surrounds him. The lightning from his enemy dances around the barrier and scorches a couple spots on the ground on either side. Once the lightning subsides, Shining drops his barrier and gallops forward. Blaster Blade closes his weapon to its default look and runs forward as well. Shining tries blasting magic missiles at his opponent. Blaster Blade sidesteps some of the blasts while using his sword to block the others.

Blaster Blade leaps off a ramped rock and raises his sword above his head with both arms. He lets out a battle cry before swinging it down with full force. Shining Armor casts and creates a magenta shield big enough to cover himself. The sword impacts the shield with a loud clang. Blaster Blade tries swinging his blade three more times, but the shield holds against all of the attacks.

The Royal Paladin switches to a one-handed stance and goes for a piercing strike. This time, the shield cracks a little. Seeing this, Shining Armor grunts and flinches. The stallion jumps back just in time for the sword to nick his chest.

Shining channels his magic into a focused beam. Blaster Blade holds up his sword to block the attack. He grunts as he slowly walks forward against the beam's push. Inch by inch, the distance between the fighters decreases. He yells out as he puts his might into one last push.

The unicorn's horn flashes as the beam suddenly stops. In its place, a magenta barrier surrounds Shining and grows outwards at an exponential rate. Blaster Blade gasps in surprise as the barrier pushes him back and launches him up from a rocky ramp. Shining blasts one more beam of magic and it crashes through the red jewel on Blaster Blade's chest.

Blaster Blade crashes along the ground as his weapon clatters beside him.

Knockout!

The winner of this round is... Shining Armor!

---One Last Laugh---

Discord (MLP: FiM) vs. The Joker (Batman; DC Comics)

Dark. Darker. But not yet "Even Darker". This replica of Gotham City is jam-packed full of buildings that somehow lack proper lighting. It suits the caped vigilante just fine as he grapple-hooks and glides between the vast shadows. He has his eyes set for some mix of justice and vengeance.

In a rippling flashback, we see him opening a letter that speaks about the most recent "Wonder Boy". It seems the kid has been kidnapped by a classic adversary and is being threatened to die. Of course, this particular enemy isn't after ransom money. No, he's just doing this for kicks and giggles. The small recorder included with the letter even says so before it explodes. Bat Hound AKA Ace barks harshly at the noise.

He follows the less than subtle clues toward a dark destination. There's a sound of commotion that he follows inside the respective skyscraper. He looks over the metal catwalk and narrows his eyes. It appears the boy is no longer in immediate danger and is wildly swinging his sword at his kidnapper.

"Now, now, pipsqueak!" The purple-dressed clown chuckles nervously. "Didn't your mother teach you not to run with swords?"

"She tried once, but then she deferred to my grandfather." The boy walks around, looking for an opening.

Really, Damien? Batman internally sighs before he runs along the catwalk and through a 'staff only' door.

The brief combat between a swinging sword-wielder and a clown continues for a few more seconds. In the process, Damien AKA Robin ends up slashing up a set of wires, crushing a random crate, and slicing open a water tank that gets his enemy all wet.

Said enemy spits out some of the accidentally swallowed water. "Hmm, wires and water. Why does that give me deja vu?"

There's a magical poof, to which Robin yelps. When the smoke clears, a literal robin crawls out from under the cape. Yet for some reason, Robin's mask and utility belt have shrunk to fit comfortably on the bird. The clown blinks twice before tilting his head.

"I'm sorry, what just happened?" He looks around.

"~~Joker...~~"

Joker looks around. "Bats? Is that you? Why do you sound slightly more gruff than usual?"

A pair of eyes stares out from a dark corner of the large room. "~~I am the night. I am vengeance. I... am...~~" Suddenly, the line is interrupted by a coughing fit. It actually raises an octave. "Kah-heh! Keh-hah! Good lord, how did Christian Bale do this for longer than five seconds?"

A draconequus floats underneath a light fixture. He looks like he's wearing a copy of Batman's mask, cape, and... oh gosh. Why does the chest piece of his costume have fake nipples on it? Thankfully, he poofs away the costume in its entirety in the next second.

"Now what cat spat that disfigured hairball out?" wonders Joker aloud.

"Rather rude to speak about somebody that's standing right in front of you," retorts the draconequus. "The name's Discord. I'm all about spreading chaos. And I have to say, your particular brand... is kind of dull."

"Excuse you?" Joker leans forward while pulling out an ear trumpet.

"You resort to murder far too frequently." Discord waggles his eagle talon. "Mix it up a little! Leave someone stranded with a few days' worth of food. Make a toxin that doesn't kill, but drives them to live a full life of insanity. Branch out!"

"Joker!" Batman kicks open a first-floor door and runs toward the scene.

"For example..." Discord snaps his lion paw.

A puff of smoke surrounds Batman. He stops in place, but the chaos magic is already at work. A few cracks and snaps can be heard. When the smoke clears, there is a new creature standing there. It resembles a pony with a mask on, actual bat ears and bat wings. It has fangs and it lets out a screech. This bat-pony flies straight for the robin. The bird turns on its tail and flies away with the bat-pony giving chase.

"Hey!" Joker snaps. "Get your own toys!"

"You also need to work on sharing." Discord floats to an adequate distance.

This battle is about to explode!

Begin!

"Can you guess which card is my trump card?" Joker pulls out a full deck of cards and throws it. They all sound like shuriken spinning through the air.

Discord slithers around and stretches this way and that to avoid the cards. He chuckles as he poofs a small squad of flying pigs with little army helmets. They grunt and squeal as Discord points at what their target should be. As they approach, Joker pulls out a gun. Two shots ring out, causing the receiving pigs to drop and tumble. For the third shot, Joker's gun releases a flag labeled "BANG!" This flag is released as a lethal dart through the last pig's skull.

"You know what?" Joker tosses his empty pistol to the side. "Maybe you're right about the obsession with murder." He extends a hand, with the back of it facing the camera. "How about a fresh start?"

"Wow, that was easier than I thought." Discord teleports up close and reaches to take the hand in his lion paw. "I'll be happy to show you the better ways of cha-EEEEEEE!"

A severely strong current of electricity dances through the draconequus's body. Joker cackles madly and even jumps up and down as his joy-buzzer continues to unleash sparks and jolts.

The robin flies over the catwalk and latches his feet on one of the hand rails. As the bat-pony closes the distance, the robin pulls out a normal-sized Birdarang from its belt. Holding it like a two-handed sword between its wings, the robin swings it around. The bat-pony flaps its wings to slow down and stay out of the Birdarang's reach. The two animals hiss and tweet at each other respectively.

After nearly a minute of electrocution, Discord falls to the floor as a pile of ashes.

Joker wipes a bit of dust off his sleeves. "What a sucker."

A giant lollipop poofs into his mouth and he stumbles back in surprise. The clown trips over shoelaces that randomly tied themselves together. He pulls on the stick of his unwanted piece of candy this way and that until he finally gets it out. He coughs while massaging his neck with one hand.

"Oh, shame for you." The ashes whisk around before reshaping into the original draconequus. He sneezes, revealing all of his skin, hide, scales, and other types of epidermis in full color. "You activated my Dis-card."

Joker pulls out a pair of shears and cuts the knot holding his shoelaces apart. "You know, that joke doesn't really cut it in this context."

"Yeah, I realized that after I started saying it." Discord's lips and fang fall off and they grow a pair of stubby legs. "But sometimes, my mouth gets running before I can stop and think. You know?" The lips leap up and grow teeth to chomp on Joker's scalp.

"Gah!" Joker fumbles around, trying to pull the mouth off with his hands. "I don't want a skull-piercing!" He pulls out a decorated grenade from his pocket, pulls the pin, and tosses it straight up. "Eat this!"

Discord's tail reaches out like a lasso and wraps around the grenade. He lifts his eagle talon and somehow produces a whistling sound even though it looks like he's snapping. His mouth jumps off Joker's head and clamps onto the grenade. This full mouth then jumps back onto the draconequus's muzzle. He then proceeds to loudly chew the contents.

"Mmmm! Pineapple!" Discord uses his claw like a toothpick. He then belches a small green cloud. "But snack time is over. Heh heh... hee hee hee... ha ha ha ha ha..." He holds his mouth with both of his front limbs. "What's ha-ha-ha-happeni-hee-hee-hee-ng?"

"Well, Mr. Master of Chaos." Joker adjusts his purple suit. "Normally, I only administer the shrapnel and aerial spray from a Joker Toxin grenade. But scarfing the entire thing down? Overdose would be an understatement."

Discord can't seem to fit another word between his bouts of hyena-esque laughter. He tries to steady himself by using his tail as a recliner. However, he ends up rolling too far and crushes his mismatched wings on his back. Still, he continues to laugh as his eyes pop wide open.

"I understand it's quite painful for those without resistance like me." Joker calmly walks to stand over his laughing victim. "But you know what they say: laughter is the best medicine. BAH ha ha ha!" He somehow laughs louder than the one suffering from the Joker Toxin.

For a brief moment, the camera shows Discord's tail to the audience. His tail nabs a small strap with a shiny red button. Between the two combatants' laughing fits, Joker doesn't notice the tail reaching around and tossing him into the ever-growing puddle of water on the floor. The tail then tosses the joy-buzzer, button-side down, right on top of Joker's chest.

Sparks dance along the water, the container, and Joker's own body. The clown stops laughing and screams in blinding agony. These sparks continue as Discord's laughing starts to peter out. All of their limbs lie limply at their resting spots. Each of their still bodies wears a resting smile showing off all their teeth and their vacant eyes.

Batman and Robin stand on the catwalk, restored to their normal selves. They stare down at the criminal and the mystery creature.

"Good riddance," says Robin.

"We don't celebrate the passing of an enemy." Batman clenches a fist. "We mourn them, because they're people too."

"Weakness like that belongs to no father of mine." Robin turns and walks away.

Batman stares at him, looks down one more time, and then walks after his son.

Time's up!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have... a tie!

A few hours later, some people are at the scene and prepping body bags. One of them voices disgust before pulling the zipper completely over Joker's corpse. Panning to the side, the view focuses on the draconequus's eagle talon. It stays unmoving for several seconds. Then, it quickly flips over and curls against itself.

*Snap!*

Cut to black.

Author's Note

I used the theme of cards very loosely and only applied it to the non-MLP combatants.

Sidekicks Scuddle

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" so that colored text is legible. Thank you.

Mama-mia... let's-a go...

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, DEATH Battle channel, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

Who is the younger one again?

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Many of them are so iconic that they're the first thing to come to mind when thinking of various adjectives. But few of these heroes would stand as tall as they do today without some help from their sidekicks.

Luigi, Mario's younger brother...

... will be facing Spike, Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant and dragon.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Luigi

-Full name: Luigi Mario
-Plumber and younger brother to Mario
-Taller, faster, and more agile than his brother
-Personal items separate from Mario: His own Ultra Hammer, the Poltergust 5000, a last resort Negative Zone, and the god of thunder's lightning hands
-Has survived many conditions that would kill ordinary men
-Weakness: Cowardice

When you do your fair share of the work and yet your brother still gets all the credit for saving the day, life isn't easy.

No crud. Luigi's got it rough.

Still, he doesn't seem too bothered to take a step back and let Mario be the hero. If anything, he's more proud of his brother than anyone else is.

I smell an abuse story just waiting to be uncovered.

What we do know is that Luigi is taller than his brother, slightly faster than his brother, and can jump higher than his brother.

It's almost like he's compensating for something.

*Ahem!* While Luigi is durable enough to survive more than one aggressive hit from an enemy, he doesn't quite have the courage that Mario does. His fear has spread to encompass many of the things he encounters on a regular basis, such as ghosts, water, sports equipment, and... a bunch of other stuff.

Luckily, his paranoia leads to being prepared with a bunch of different items. He carries an Ultra Hammer for smacking fools, the Poltergust 5000 for exorcising the undead, and frigging lightning hands taught by the god of thunder(?).

There is also his secret ability of weaponizing the darkness he has dwelt in for a little too long. In a desperate fix, he can bring the Negative Zone into the physical realm. With it, he can force enemies to hallucinate and act unpredictably. Side effects may include damage over time and tripping over absolutely nothing.

Well, screw the white powder drugs! I should call up Luigi and see if I can grab a spot in the Negative Zone!

B, that's ridicu- ... Hmm. On second thought, have fun.

"Oh, yeah! I-I-I'm... the winner!"

~~~Death Battle~~~

Spike

-"The Dragon"
-Hatched by and personal assistant to Princess Twilight Sparkle
-Scales that resist pain, fire, and lava (see episode "Dragon Quest")
-Fire breath that can melt stadium-crushing icebergs... or be precise enough to ignite a small fuse (see episode "Equestria Games")
-Wings that allow brief periods of flight
-Most level-headed when the plot demands his pony friends act crazy and insane
-Weakness: Child naivete and deep-rooted dragon instincts

So... how was the Negative Zone?

Shut up, W. Just shut up.

Heh heh heh. Dragons are used in many legendary tales as one of the big bads. Naturally, dragons are aggressive, territorial, and symbols of avarice. The Judeo-Christian myth of the Devil is sometimes depicted as a dragon.

But then you've got shows like Dragon Tales that just sort of turn the cool dial down to one. When did sharing and caring become synonymous with cold-blooded, fire-breathing reptiles?

I'm surprised you know what the word "synonymous" means. Well, in the world of the fourth generation "My Little Pony", some of that ferocity returns, with the exception of a singular dragon birthed by a pony named Twilight Sparkle. His name is Spike.

Really? That's what they decided to call him? We have neighbors' dogs who are called Spike. I guess I can't get too upset. At least they didn't give him some girlie name like they did for almost the entire cast.

Huh. That Negative Zone really did a number on your mood. Maybe I should send some of my test subjects into it.

Did you say something?

I was just getting to the part about how Spike grew up as Twilight's loyal assistant. He re-shelves her books, cooks her food, cleans her home, and snaps her out of bouts of insanity. He's practically her butler.

Can I get a butler that's also a dragon?

Sadly, no. You're not a unicorn and you don't attend Celstia's school for the magically gifted.

Darn it!

Although most of Spike's life was in the company of ponies, he did go on a couple journeys specifically tailored to the dragons of the land. Once was to discover that he didn't need to be one hundred percent like other dragons. The other was to answer the, at-the-time, Dragon Lord Torch's call for the Gauntlet of Fire: a sort of passage of rites to determine the next Dragon Lord.

Spike didn't become the next Dragon Lord, but he did help make way for a fellow dragon named Ember, someone who decided that a leader should be smart and tactful, not just strong and reckless.

And after an... interesting molting cycle, he gained a pair of wings.

It only took him eight years of screen-time! Sheesh! This show made its main character a princess with wings after three. What took them so long to make this physical change?

Anyway, flight is not Spike's only capability. He has scales that are capable of taking the pain of several needles and other damage, his tail can strike hard enough to dig into the ground, and he can breathe fire that can be used both for obviously burning things to ashes or not so obviously for sending messages between members of royalty.

Can he still be classified as a baby dragon?

Well, he's still physically younger than most of the other dragons that have been shown on screen. With that comes the weakness of less life experience and more gullibility. If he doesn't have someone less sane to comfort and talk sense into, he can often fall for tricks by others or by his own imagination. Discouragement strikes harder when his self-esteem is fragile.

But apparently, falling prey to his own dragonic greed can bulk him out to a size that rivals Godzilla. How the hell does that work?

"You know, it's kinda weird. No matter how many times others tell you you're great, all the praise in the world means nothing if you don't feel it inside. Sometimes to feel good about yourself, you gotta let go of the past. That way, when the time comes to let your greatness fly, you'll be able to light up the whole sky."

~~~Death Battle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~Death Battle~~~

This arena's sky has clouds with little faces on them. Most of them are smiling. One briefly looks like it is winking before switching to the default smile of the rest of the clouds. Down below on the ground, Mario is leading Peach safely out of Bowser's castle.

His brother opens the latch to a hot air balloon basket and politely gestures with his hand. With a smile and a nod, Mario takes Peach by the hand and leads her into the basket. He then proceeds to pulls the latch closed without a word. As the balloon floats up, the basket and its two passengers follow suit, leaving the brother to trip over when he tries to step into a basket that is no longer there.

With a brief sigh, the brother in green goes for a quick jog in the direction of home. Along his path, he sees a giant green pipe. It has a sign on it with hastily scratched letters that reads, "Shortcut". Giving it little mind, the brother takes a giant leap and drops into the pipe.

A giant paintbrush pushes the sign away, revealing an illustration. What is pictured looks like a cloud with a rainbow on the upper-right side of it. A bluish outline of a pony is painted on the lower-left side. The childish voice of Bowser Jr. chuckles evilly at the prank he has pulled.

"~Twilight's away at school
To teach new students friendship
Time to dust every nook
And cranny in the castle...~"

A little violet and green dragon is singing under his breath. He slides a ladder over near one of the doors and grabs a feather duster. He continues to hum as he climbs up and waves the duster along the door frame. A strange noise echoes three times down the hall. A question mark briefly pops over the little dragon's head before he puts his duster away.

He hops off the ladder and opens his wings. Gliding slowly toward the floor, he aims himself toward another door in the hallway. Landing with barely a sound, he presses the door open.

"Twilight? Is that you?" He looks around before flicking his claw at a light switch.

The room gets a lot brighter and looks like a bathroom, or perhaps a water closet. Either way, there's a large green pipe sitting on top of the toilet that was not there earlier. A short man in green and overalls hops out of the pipe before landing on the crystal floor. He grunts in a questioning tone, looking around an unfamiliar setting.

"Augh!" The dragon yells while pointing a claw at the intruder. "Sewer monster!"

The plumber's eyes open wide as he spots the young dragon. Likewise, he screams in fear. The dragon continues to scream. The man keeps screaming too. The camera keeps flipping back and forth between the screaming dragon and the screaming plumber.

...

Okay, that's enough.

"Okay, Spike. Calm down," he mutters to himself. "You can't let this sewer monster get loose. It's up to me to take care of it." He shows off his claws with as much intimidation as his small stature can allow.

"Mario! Help!" The other one yells. No one responds. He sighs and holds up his fists while the rest of his body shakes in place. "Mama-mia..."

FIGHT!

Luigi starts by jumping up. Surprisingly, there is a lot of aerial space in this restroom. He somehow increases his air time by shuffling his legs underneath him. Once he gets into a favorable position, he somersaults into a foot dive.

Spike flaps his wings once, pulling him backwards. This leads Luigi to stomp on nothing but tile floor. Luigi tries this maneuver a few more times. Spike continues to narrowly avoid the kick by flying out of the way. Each time, the combatants fly further out of the bathroom until they're in the crystal castle's halls.

The man in green looks around the surroundings in awe, before returning his attention to jumping on the foe. This time, Spike's wings don't respond. Instead, the young dragon turns around and holds up his tail at an angle. When Luigi's foot makes contact with the tail, there is a "twang" sound effect.

In pain, Luigi hops back while grabbing his briefly pierced foot with both of his hands. The boot appears to pulsate in a red glowing beat. Luigi nearly tears up at the pain. Spike takes advantage of this opening by rushing in and scratching with his claws a couple times. The bleeding pain compounds with the foot pain as Luigi falls onto his rear.

Spike inhales before expelling a green ball of fire. The dragon gasps in shock when the plumber also somehow generates fire of the same color with nothing but a gloved palm. The fires of similar color collide in midair before fizzling out. Determined, Spike takes a deep breath. Meanwhile, something akin to an electric field surrounds Luigi while his eyes are closed and he stands back up.

After waiting a second, Spike breathes out a much larger fire breath attack. At the same time, Luigi points one finger up while his other hand points in front of himself. The plumber unleashes a blast of lightning. These elemental attacks collide and push against each other. Green flames start turning red and look like they're swallowing the blue lightning.

Visual edits make it look like a spark of instinct briefly flashes above and below Luigi's person. Next thing the camera catches is him charging through the air, headfirst. His own lightning surrounds him as he jumps through the fire. The man collides with Spike, causing the dragon to crash his back against the wall. Luigi rushes forth and crouches down. He follows up with an uppercut that sends his opponent straight through the ceiling, leaving himself to land upside-down with his hat on the floor.

Above the castle, Spike halts his sudden launch by steadily flapping his wings. "Whoa!"

Back inside, Luigi does a couple arc "planking" motions on the floor. Spike dives down before pointing his tail like a hornet. Before Luigi realizes it, Spike is imitating a jackhammer along the plumber's spine. After hollering in pain for a few seconds, Luigi digs through his pockets and pulls out a reflective orb with a vaguely "4"-shaped symbol. He crushes the orb in his fist.

A large sphere surrounds the immediate vicinity of the two combatants. Everything inside turns photo-negative while a "high" tune plays in the background. Luigi does a slow dance on his toes while a flower pops into existence on top of Spike's head. The dragon slips on absolutely nothing before he starts flying upside-down. Luigi uses this time to get in a few jumping punches.

While Spike is still woozy from the Negative Zone, Luigi pulls out an entire vacuum cleaner from his inventory. Don't ask me where he keeps it. He turns on the Poltergust and pulls in his enemy closer. The zone's sphere is shrinking with its time being almost up. As the color around them returns to normal, Spike shakes his head before seeing his enemy trying to suck him up. He breathes out a ball of fire that flies into the Poltergust's tube.

The entire gadget glows red. Luigi yelps at the sudden burning sensation in his hands and on his back. Hastily, he unstraps himself and tosses the vacuum cleaner off. Several parts of the device melt on the spot. Spike manages to get a foothold on the floor and glares at his foe.

Luigi shuffles through his overalls one more time. He pulls out a giant, black hammer and runs while holding it over his head. Spike tries another giant breath of green fire. Even as Luigi screams at the scorching pain, he continues his downward swing of the hammer. It collides with the dragon's face.

An X-Ray visual picture shows Spike's skull caving in as well as a fang falling out.

Back in normal vision, the crushed dragon's body falls onto his belly. Blood pools along one side. Meanwhile, the plumber breathes heavily before taking a seat in exhaustion. His skin is covered in scratches and much of his clothing is charred black.

He mutters, "Luigi, Number 1," before closing his eyes.

K.O.!

~~~Death Battle~~~

I see Luigi's D&D class is the Brawler.

This was a tough call. Both Luigi and Spike have been known to be afraid of many things and are younger than their more prominent family members. Both of them have taken action in spite of their fears, and each is tougher than their demeanor initially reveals.

But even though both are great moral support, Luigi brings just a little bit more in the way of physical ability.

While Spike often has to run to keep up with Twilight's galloping speed, Luigi can run as quickly and often surpass the running speed of Mario. Spike can fly, but Luigi can jump fairly high and briefly maintain his height with the Scuddle Jump. Therefore, the aerial advantage wouldn't last throughout the fight.

Technically, Spike's jaw is comparable to Luigi's fists in terms of what kinds of rocks they can break. Unfortunately, the little guy's claws and feet can't say the same.

Additionally, Luigi has had to face a number of enemies and conquer them while Spike typically has an option to run away from most of his troubles. Although Spike's fire breath is very impressive in melting an entire cloud made of ice and saved a stadium full of ponies, his options for combat were fairly limited. On the other hand, Luigi had several tools that were unusual and made his tactics unpredictable and more difficult for Spike to counter. Ultimately, Luigi had a slight edge in terms of speed, strength, and versatility.

In the end, Spike had to face defeat.

The winner is Luigi.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Author's Note

Reminder: Verdicts do not necessarily coincide with my personal preferences. Often, I've watched as some of my favorite characters face the simulated death sentences (Twilight Sparkle's loss to Robin, White Snow's loss to Weiss Schnee, etc.). Other times, I've twitched in agitation at watching some characters I don't particularly care for triumph (See the times I've declared Discord as the winner for examples).

Bottom line: I try to focus on capabilities and equipment rather than who I like more or who other people like more.

Lightning Round: Anything Is Possible

Author's Note

Sometimes my match ups just don't fit. I apologize if any character gets misrepresented.

Lightning Round: Anything Is Possible

Set "Formatting" to whatever allows you to comfortably read the text.
All properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

May contain spoilers for MLP:FiM Season 8 onward.

Burst Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights take place without waiting for an analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Doesn't Matter Where, Doesn't Matter When---

(Kim Possible vs. Cozy Glow)

At first, it looks like a computer screen with a boy in a blue T-shirt doing a video call. He types on a couple different keyboards at once as various pictures pop-up and vanish along the corners of the screen. His mouth moves as if to talk, but it's mute for the viewing audience.

Transition over to a large, academic building in Artificial Ponyville. Several ponies are marching around in a way similar to union workers going on strike. Occasionally, a pale pegasus pony with a curly blue mane flies around, offering some kind of word of encouragement to each pony individually. This rally is so loud and energetic that no one in the crowd notices an open, pink helicopter hovering overhead.

We zoom in to the helicopter to see a couple passengers. Contrary to rest of the population of this world, these are two humans. One has long orange hair poking out from a blue helmet and she's wearing a purple outfit. The other is in black and he's scrambling with his backpack of gear.

"Thanks for giving us a lift, Ms. Cherry Berry!" The girl looks at the pony pilot with a smile.

The pilot gives a nod. "It's the least I could do after you managed to recover my hot air balloon from that timberwolf territory."

"For the record," pipes in the guy, "I still have a bad splinter from that particular mission. Ow!"

A little naked mole-rat pops out of the boy's pocket. The creature happily holds out a retrieved sliver of wood and tosses it away.

"I think that's enough fooling around, sweetie." The red-head hops off the chopper.

The guy jumps off too and his pet hides back in his pocket. "Wait up! Somebody didn't fold my parachute quite right!"

"Didn't you fold up your own parachute?!" She shouts back over the wind resistance.

"Let's not mention names to blame!" He insists, cutting off the conversation there.

After falling for a few seconds, she pulls the cord on her pack. It unleashed a large, blue parachute that slows her down by a lot. The guy tries to do the same action, but the cord falls off. Grunting in confusion, he tries pulling a second cord further up his pack. This, however, snaps off too. He screams in terror, scrambling through his pockets for anything that can help. He ends up dropping several packets of hot sauce in the process.

"Ron!" the girl shouts in concern.

"Hang on! I've got an idea!"

Ron pulls out a grappling gun and aims it upward. With his other hand on his belt, he fires the hook. Comically, the grapple pulls off his belt along with his pants. Luckily, he is holding onto his pants as the hook carries them through the air. The hook and rope wraps around the crystal star on top of a castle. Hanging onto the pants for dear life, the boy slowly swings back and forth like a pendulum.

The girl sighs in relief as she guides her descent to one side of the street. After a brief run, she pulls off the pack and tosses her helmet along with it. She takes out a pair of binoculars and scopes the crowd of rioting ponies. Going from memory that her hacking friend briefed her on, she has two parts to this mission: Rescue several non-pony creatures from captivity, and find and incapacitate the leader of the manipulation. She mentally shrugs at the weirdness, counting her missions that involved foiling aliens to still be stranger than this.

"Excuse me," says a little girl's voice, "would you like to be my friend?"

"Sorry, kid." The teenager doesn't even look away from her binoculars. "I've got a sitch. Maybe later."

With barely a warning, her binoculars are snatched right out of her hands. She gasps, taking note of the pegasus filly flying in place. Said filly is smirking wickedly while taunting with the stolen visual tool.

"Hey! Give those back!" She exclaims.

"~Only if you catch me and agree to be my friend!~ Hee hee hee hee!" The filly flies along the street toward the crowd.

"Why am I getting tweeb deja vu?" The human girl shakes her head before running after the little thief.

Nobody blink!

Engage!

"Every pony, help me!" Cozy Glow calls out. "Another creature is threatening Equestria and chasing me!"

The crowd of ponies pauses their protest and turns to look up the street. Indeed, it appears that a biped creature is running toward them with an angry look on her face. Two of the ponies stand near the pegasus filly in defensive postures. The rest start marching in rows toward the intruder. Unbeknownst to any of them, Cozy grins mischievously while sneaking off toward the school's entrance.

Meanwhile, Kim Possible takes note of the sudden shift in the pony crowd's attention. She leans back and slides just in time for a barrage of unicorn spells to fly over her. She does a back flip to avoid a different pegasus attempting a dash attack. Two earth ponies attempt to tackle her. But she does a cartwheel to her right, leaving them to conk each other on the head.

Four background unicorns fire barrages of spells at the intruder. Kim hops around with the same nimbleness and agility as her last cheerleader routine. In doing so, she makes some impossible dodges and baffles the onlooking ponies. She manages to spot the door to the school opening up and sees Cozy get inside before closing the door.

Several ponies of all three types decide to try and form a dog pile on Kim. Too bad for them, Kim does something akin to a street-dancer spinning on their head while doing a helicopter kick with her legs. The pony dog pile quickly does a better imitation of a split party falling unconscious all over the street. She proceeds to hop along the heads of the rest of the crowd and crosses the distance to the school entrance.

Kim kicks the door open and rushes inside, getting herself into a fighting stance. There doesn't seem to be anyone in the immediate area. It's too quiet. She carefully walks further inside the building, looking around herself as she moves. She opens the door to one of the classrooms. It's empty, save for a few miscellaneous items. She moves onto another room. It's essentially the same story in this one.

Where is the little pegasus thief? Kim takes cover in a janitor's closet and turns on her Kim-municator. On the other side of the line, Wade is furiously typing searches for any relevant satellite coordinates and mapping of this building. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like any map is up-to-date, as the most recent layout indicates that Kim's current location should be the swimming pool. Quietly, Kim grumbles before taking a peek into the hall.

She exits the janitor's closet and continues her process of guess-and-check through the classrooms. Five doors later, she stumbles across an eerie glow of blue. This light is coming off the bars of a magical cage. Inside this cage are a group of what appears to be distinctly different species. She attempts to force the cage door open with her hands, but it doesn't even budge.

Kim pulls out her Kim-municator. "Wade, do you think you can out-science a magic problem... again?"

"Hold up your laser lipstick, and I'll see what I can do."

She holds a small tube near the communication device and presses a button. It unleashes a beam of red light. Meanwhile, Wade clacks away on his keyboards at approximately 250 words-per-minute. A small metal limb extends from the Kim-municator and attaches to the laser tube. Its color shifts from a red beam to a light purple.

Kim holds the new colored laser next to the lock. The lock breaks almost immediately and the cage door swings open. The five captives hop out without hesitation. Kim runs with them to leave the classroom.

As the impromptu group approaches the main entrance, they slide to a stop. Waiting for them is Cozy Glow, along with a large percentage of the pony student body. The little buffalo in the group swallows her breath. Kim takes a step forward, holding her arms up in a ready stance.

There's a sudden flash of light, opening up as a giant portal. The main six characters plus a few extras step into the middle of the school's main hall and stand proudly together. As Twilight Sparkle starts one of her speeches, the background ponies that were on Cozy's side look among themselves in worry. Is it really in the name of Friendship that they've been acting so xenophobic?

"What are you all waiting for?" Cozy asks her formerly united crowd. "Get them!"

None of her 'friends' step forward or voice any desire to volunteer. Steam comically billows out of the pegasus filly's ears. Kim lets out a holler that gets Cozy's attention. The cheerleader in a purple mission outfit taunts with one hand, indicating a desire to duke it out one-on-one.

Cozy takes a deep breath, before shoving a jeweled crown atop her head. Her eyes match her last name as she laughs maniacally. Magic starts shooting out in random directions. Twilight and Starlight combine their magical resources to shield the rest of the creatures in the building. Kim does several back flips, dodging Cozy's blasts with what looks like a sense of ease.

Cozy Glow cackles while watching her opponent do nothing but dodge. "What can one creature with no magic possibly hope to do against the power that is all of Equestria's friendship magic?"

A gloved hand presses a trigger on a hook-shot gun. The hook knocks the crown off the filly's head, causing the object to clang against one of the magic shields surrounding the two combatants. The jewels on the crown break, releasing the magic back to some off screen source. Cozy Glow stares at her lost treasure in shock and horror.

"Plenty." Kim twirls her hook-shot gun before shoving it back into its holster.

Cozy bangs her hooves on a shield, desperately trying to get away. Kim has other ideas, practically running up the shield wall on the other side. She does a crazy triple flip before performing a left-leg, dive kick against the filly's face.

Knockout!

Sometime later, in the pits of Tartarus...

"What's with the swollen cheek?" asks the weak-formed Tirek.

"I don't want to talk about it." Cozy Glow grumbles while avoiding eye contact.

This Lightning Round's victory goes to... Kim Possible!

A Hero Emerges

Advisory: Please makes sure "Formatting" is set to "Dark" to allow colored text to be legible. Thank you.

MCs represent!

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, DEATH Battle channel, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

~Da-na, da-na, da-na...~

They're the faces of their franchises and the praised heroes in their stories.

But only one of them gets to claim victory here and now!

Twilight Sparkle, Equestria's "Princess of Friendship".

And Mario, savior of princesses and kicker of Koopa tail!

For this battle, neither combatant will have access to items that make them invincible for indefinite time periods. We want to test only their skills and what they'd most likely carry under their normal circumstances.

Basically, they're not getting extra alicorn magic from other princesses or any leaves that somehow outlast stars. You want that stuff included? Make that fight scene on your own time!

He's B and I'm W, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Twilight Sparkle

-Species: Alicorn, previously a unicorn
-Bearer of the Element of Magic, fueled by literal energy from friendship and emotions
-Flight, magic, and strength of all three basic pony types
-Illumination, teleportation, magic beams, magic shields, transfiguration, levitation, partial intangibility (see episode "Inspiration Manifestation"), dark magic (see two-parter "The Crystal Empire"), gravity alteration, spell reproduction/copy
-Detail-oriented and extremely book smart
-Stubborn and neurotic; prone to making mistakes when events aren't happening by the book/plan

The land of Equestria is filled with several ponies. Some can fly and control weather. Others can push around heavy objects and enhance plant growth. Then there are the ones that can cast spells to affect parts of the world around them.

Enter Twilight Sparkle! She's a book smart horse that used to be a unicorn. After finishing a spell revolving around... *sigh*... the 'Magic of Friendship'... she became an alicorn, growing wings in the process.

As an alicorn pony, Twilight's magical power is stronger than before. She also gained the strength of an earth pony, once accidentally breaking part of a door with her bare hoof, and the flight of pegasi. She has often been tasked with saving the world alongside her friends on multiple occasions. She has faced and survived encounters with the likes of shadow ponies, a reality-warping draconequus, a swarm of shape-shifting changelings, dragons, a magic-stealing centaur, and a unicorn that had enough raw magic to surpass some of her own capabilities.

And get this: She was destined to become friends with five other ponies just because one of them broke the visible light spectrum by flying so fast that they made a sonic boom! Oh, and she has a dragon for an assistant. I can't make this s*ess*t up!

Among Twilight's humble spell collection are spells for levitation, illumination, copying other ponies' spells after a single observation, dark magic that draws on negative emotions, gravity altering, partial intangibility that allowed her to free two ponies from crystal imprisonment, and transfiguration on both inanimate and living targets.

Jeepers! What can't this Element of Magic pony girl do?

Well, she's not without faults. Her hyper-focus can leave her so engrossed in a book's contents that she doesn't remember to sleep and eat. She also has extreme bouts of neurosis, losing confidence and sanity when things don't go according to her well thought-out plans. For example, she once tried to tell the princesses of the sun and moon to move the sun and moon... even though they had already been doing so for their entire lives. Heck, Celestia was capable of moving both of these heavenly objects for one thousand years by herself. They don't really need reminding.

Yeah... kind of a brain-fart moment for the youngest princess.

Second youngest.

What?

Princess Cadance and Shining Armor gave birth to the currently youngest princess: Flurry Heart. Twilight is actually the aunt to the youngest princess.

Oh, right. ... That creature.

Anyway, after an adventure that involved finding a lost civilization and ousting a Storm King, Twilight set up an entire school to allow all creatures of Equestria to learn about the Magic of Friendship.

Okay, but why are her friends also teachers at this school? Don't most of them have actual jobs to take care of back in Ponytown?

Ponyville.

Whatever!

"So try again! Make new friends! And if something that you can't control happens that changes things, work through it together! That's what friendship is!"

~~~Death Battle~~~

Mario

-Species: Human
-One of the Star Children, destined for great things
-Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom
-Strength enough to break bricks and crush foes underneath
-Capable of surviving many circumstances that would kill ordinary men
-Items and powers: Fire Flower, Ice Flower, Propeller Shroom, Gold Flower, Hammer, Super Star
-Determined and straightforward; tends to use up available items far too quickly

Mario has had several different occupations throughout his life: Plumber, chef, construction worker, quack. But the most impressive on his resume would be Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Yeah, after saving his girlfriend from a giant ape, he upgraded to rescuing a princess... multiple times.

For the most part, he barely speaks. That's just fine, as there's usually no time to explain before he gets sucked into his next adventure. More often than not, he ends up fighting the minions of the evil King Bowser. These include Koopas, Goombas, living bullets, Bo-bombs...

... lizard wizards, paper demons, and a caterpillar. Huh. There's got to be something in all of those Shrooms he eats. I mean, if tripping balls makes him grow bigger, why can't they do the same for me?

Moving on. Aside from the 'growth Shrooms', Mario has a few different flowers that give him control over certain elements such as fire, ice, and gold.

Wait, gold? You mean like that Gaara guy from the Sand Village? Does that mean Mario can sweep enemies away in a wave of gold dust?

Uh... no. There's no evidence to suggest that Mario can do anything like that. But he can turn certain enemies and obstacles into gold coins.

Oh! So he can tank the economy! Nice.

Right... anyway, Mario's Super Star gives him temporary invincibility and obliterates any normal enemies that touch him while he's in this state.

And if he's up for a game of whack-a-Koopa, he can pull out his hammer, or just kick their shell at enemies with his boot.

Even when he doesn't have access to a power-up, he still has the reaction speed necessary to pilot a light-speed star vehicle. This means that he can process what he's seeing a split-second faster than the average man.

So he's 'seeing faster'?

Do not start me down that road. We don't have time for me to draw out my entire rant on the W-Board.

"Oh yeah! Mario time!"

~~~Death Battle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~Death Battle~~~

Sunlight shines down upon the town this day. Birds chirp and sing while flowers bloom in the presence of their pony caretakers. The camera sways from side to side, floating over various houses. Eventually, it centers in on the Castle of Friendship in all of its sparkling glory. The resident princess flies into view and lands all four hooves in front of the castle door.

She opens a part of the giant door and trots inside. Her humming of a catchy tune indicates a pleasant mood. She doesn't even mind that the hallway she goes down is far longer than the inside of the tree's trunk should allow. Everything is certainly fine.

The background music performs a record scratch as the alicorn stops her trot to perform a double-take. Her dragon... her little purple assistant... her baby boy... is lying on the floor... dead. Her eye twitches as she looks around for any explanation whatsoever. Her gaze falls upon the man in a green outfit and overalls.

"Luigi, Number 1," he mutters. His giant hammer is covered in blood and a few stray dragon scales. He turns to look at the pony. "Huh?"

She yells at the top of her lungs, causing an earthquake all around the castle.

...

In the restroom, the giant green pipe from a previous fight is still sitting there. A short man in a red outfit and overalls pops out and does a flip before standing on the tile floor. He looks around the place, humming to himself.

This brief search and pondering is interrupted by a crazy lady's shout echoing through the walls. He initially yelps in surprise before briskly walking out of the restroom door. He gasps at what he sees next. His brother, Luigi, is covered in scorch marks and is running back and forth, trying to dodge magic beams coming from a lavender horse with wings.

"Help!" Luigi calls, though he isn't sure to whom.

The shorter, yet older brother pulls out a yellow star with eyes from his pocket and triggers it. He glows in a rainbow aura as some catchy, upbeat tune plays in the background. He runs over just as Luigi crouches into a fetal position. The horse's next beam hits the glowing man spot-on and creates a cloud of smoke.

As the smoke clears, it appears that neither the man nor his brother are harmed.

"Mario!" Luigi calls out in relief.

Whatever power the star granted Mario wears off, as does the invincibility theme. Mario points a finger toward the restroom, indicating that Luigi should leave that way. Luigi nods and quickly dashes off to do just that. The alicorn princess doesn't look too happy with that direction.

"You're not getting away!" She flashes out of her position in a magenta light, then reappears right in Luigi's way.

Luigi screams that his escape route is cut off. Mario jumps over, crouches, then proceeds to upper-cut the pony out of the way. Luigi takes this opening to run into the restroom and jumps down the giant green pipe. Three identical sound effects mark his descent.

The pony rubs her cheek with her hoof. "You let that murderer get away! I won't let you leave here like he did!"

Oddly enough, Mario looks okay with that as he adjusts his hat and gloves. "Let's-a go!"

FIGHT!

Twilight Sparkle lowers her head and fires three spells from her horn. Mario hops over the first spell, slide-kicks under the second blast, and spins himself into a double lariat. However, when one of his fists collides with the third spell blast, he abruptly stops his spin. He holds his right hand with his left, massaging against the new pain. While he's doing that, Twilight flies up for a loop before gliding into a body tackle.

Mario bends his knees while doing several back-flips. His shoes touch the wall before he rebounds forward and up. He pulls out his hammer from his deep pockets and swings it down over his head. Twilight conjures a spherical shield around herself. Upon contact, the giant hammer bounces off the shield. Mario yelps before hitting the shield three more times.

With a flash from her horn, Twilight teleports out of the shield and appears right behind the man. She casts a quick magic blast. This blast catches Mario in the back and sends him sliding along the floor. His hammer collapses several feet down the hall. Twilight flaps her wings and gains some altitude.

Picking himself up, Mario chomps down on a Propeller Shroom. He spins around really quickly on his feet. With the sound effect of a bi-plane, he quickly rises into the air to meet Twilight's current position. Her brow furrows as she casts another spell. Mario forces himself to drop a few inches before floating around in circles. The latest spell flies right over his head.

Twilight takes a deep breath before her eyes fill with white light. A wave of magic covers the length of the hall in front of her. Mario holds onto his orange propeller hat, bracing for an impact. But it doesn't seem to physically hit him. He looks around in confusion.

Behind him, the young dragon's corpse suddenly floats up and collides with the ceiling. The plumber's hammer flies into the ceiling as well. Actually, it seems more accurate to say that these objects fall to the ceiling. It's at this time that Mario realizes that he's slowly spinning upside-down. He attempts to gain some extra air by spinning his propeller, but this action quickly conks his head against the floor.

A little dazed, Mario's Shroom effects wear off and he returns to his casual red outfit. Twilight observes his falling path toward the ceiling and fires a beam of magic right to where he's going to be. Mario shakes his head just in time to get blasted backward. After spinning head-over-heels for what feels like the umpteenth time this day, he manages to fish out a blue flower with eyes from his pocket.

Twilight flies up after the upside-down plumber, charging up her horn to finish him off. She gasps as several blue fire(?) balls shoot around and at her. After a couple hits, the pony feels herself encased in a block of ice. Her flight momentum plus gravity lead to a hill-shaped path that she follows. Mario lands on the ceiling, bending one knee for a heroic pose.

He pulls off his hat and declares, "Oh yeah! Mario's the winner!"

But at this time, Twilight's entire body glows inside the ice block. Just before it hits the ground, she appears to phase through the edge of the block, leaving nothing but the ice to crash into pieces on the floor. Meanwhile, the pony princess teleports and appears right in front of the still upside-down plumber. Rage turns her white magic to black and green, and she focuses it into a large beam attack.

Mario digs through his pockets for something. He grunts a silent question as he takes a quick look into his overalls.

Earlier...

The shorter, yet older brother pulls out a yellow star with eyes from his pocket and triggers it. He glows in a rainbow aura as some catchy, upbeat tune plays in the background. He runs over just as Luigi crouches into a fetal position. The horse's next beam hits the glowing man spot-on and creates a cloud of smoke.

As the smoke clears, it appears that neither the man nor his brother are harmed.

"Mario!" Luigi calls out in relief.

Whatever power the star granted Mario wears off, as does the invincibility theme.

"D'oh..." Mario goes to himself.

The slightly upward diagonal beam of dark magic crashes through Mario and the ceiling above his feet. He cries out as his Ice Flower power is quickly stripped away. The reverse gravity spell is still in effect and the man in pain quickly floats up into the sky and away from the Equestrian planet.

Twilight levitates the hammer and tosses it through the hole in the ceiling. She flies up and magically throws it further along. The rate it falls away from the planet is faster than its owner. Before Mario can utter a last, "Mama mia," the hammer collides with his Adam's apple. His eyes roll back on his face as his hat floats off his hair.

K.O.!

~~~Death Battle~~~

Holy *eff*! I didn't know there was a bad ending to Super Mario Galaxy!

This was a bit difficult to determine for sure. At a purely physical strength level, Mario probably has the edge, as his most common method of fighting is with his fists and his feet. However, strength alone is typically never enough to win a Death Battle. That's why we needed to take note of their other capabilities.

Mario typically has a bunch of power-items to choose from, ranging from fire attacks, ice attacks, and even just straight-up walking through enemies. But we couldn't assume every Mario was the same Mario. Many of the movie and cartoon-specific feats don't match up with what the staple game series Mario can do. Outliers such as Smash Bros. and Super Mario Galaxy titles had a tendency to exaggerate his abilities too. Plus the Mario Bros. 2 game wasn't meant to be a Mario game. It was actually a re-imagining of another game with a completely different protagonist. So, no time-stopping watches or giant radishes would have made it into this fight.

Finally, Mario cannot actually hold every single item he's ever come across all at once. This is where we have to differ from our real-show counterparts. We need to give Mario something that makes sense for him to carry around in his own ordinary circumstances and not solely on what could be found in specific worlds.

On the flip side, we've got Twilight Sparkle who has been pretty much the same character throughout her cartoon series. None of what she's capable of has been lost. Everything she can do as a unicorn, she can still do as an alicorn. She's probably even better at doing those things too.

Twilight had more options for maneuvering and adapting to problematic situations due to her natural flight and knowledge of spells that she has at all times. Contrary to Mario who had to take time to use items, she can use any of her powers. This meant that Mario had to spend most of the fight playing catch-up.

Mario could react to obstacles that were coming at him at light speed, but some of Twilight's spells are near instantaneous, meaning they were shooting and changing the environment for Mario even faster than he could react.

And since it wasn't shown in the simulated battle, I'll explain one more thing here. Mario's golden flower might have been able to change Twilight to gold had it ever made contact. However, Twilight has been shown to be able to alter her very species even when she's not in her alicorn form. Plus, she can transfigure organic and non-organic material with a combination of other spells she's picked up over the years.

There's no doubt that Mario is a great face for Nintendo and an awesome hero, but he just didn't have the means to beat Twilight nine times out of ten.

In the end, Twilight's larger magical repertoire, intelligence, and adaptability won her the hard-fought victory.

Mario just couldn't Twi...light hard enough.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Author's Note

Sometimes, I wonder if I use revenge too often as a motivation for these fights to take place.

Deception Infection

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to allow colored text to be legible.

A/N: I can't do a massacre scene justice quite like the real show's Carnage from Marvel vs. Lucy from Elfen Lied. That doesn't mean I won't try.
Spoiler Alert to anyone that has yet to see footage from the Prototype games.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, DEATH BATTLE channel, and Radical Entertainment.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

Ugh, dude. Don't talk over the phone with food in your mouth. That's disgusting.

Shape-shifting: the power to alter one's own physical structure and appearance. It's used to confuse enemies, sow seeds of mistrust, or make it seem as if the user disappeared without a trace.

Alex Mercer from the Prototype games...

... and Chrysalis, former queen of Equestria's changeling hive.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alex Mercer

-Alexander J. Mercer; formerly a human identity
-A sample of the BLACKLIGHT virus
-Multiple powers: Regeneration, shape-shifting, absorbing living creatures and gaining their memories, incredible physical strength, speed, heightened jumps, blade arms, claws, shield arm, thermal vision, "Infected" vision
-Devastators: (critical mass moves when he is near death) Tendril Barrage (impaling tendrils in all directions), Groundspike Graveyard (erupting spikes on the ground surrounding him), Critical Pain (single beam of hardened biomass to severely damage one target)
-Has defeated several other monsters that were hosts of BLACKLIGHT; infiltrated an attempt to nuke a city and piloted a helicopter to move the bomb to the Atlantic Ocean
-Morally unstable; became the main villain in the sequel

When you think of New York City, what's the first thing that comes to mind? The Statue of Liberty? The Stock Exchange? An 8 million population?

Traffic, petty theft, 9/11, thin-crust pizza and a beer...

Seriously?

Hey, you asked!

Well, for this analysis, Manhattan is also the focal point of a viral outbreak called "Blacklight". Upon exposure and spreading, this virus turns its victims into violent, mutated monsters. Although its first discovery was back in the year 1969, there was a sample a bit more recently found and experimented with in the early 2000s. Enter Gentek: a company that looked at biological warfare and was the start of a rogue employee's story, Alexander J. Mercer.

Just call him Alex. Everybody else does. Well, except for the military who seem to have him confused for the father of the Olympian gods for some reason.

Alex Mercer woke up one day in the morgue of Gentek. He broke out and managed to escape. Unfortunately, his mind was a bit scattered and his memories weren't entirely there. In a sort of gift-curse kind of way, the very virus he and Gentek were looking into latched onto him, rebuilding his body from the dead bio-mass. Though, maybe "living" isn't the best way to describe him anymore.

But hey! Living or not, the Blacklight gave him some pretty cool new powers. His strength, speed, and durability sky-rocketed. He can run up walls, leap over tall buildings, and throw around cars and ventilation boxes into helicopters to make them explode.

More importantly, the virus gave Alex abilities beyond super-human. He can absorb other living creatures to regenerate himself, copy the memories of the people he has absorbed, and shape-shift to look and sound like those very people. Copying memories also allows him to know exactly how to operate certain weapons and vehicles, like rocket launchers and tanks.

When he gets enough fills of people and mutants, he can alter his arms into wolverine claws, a sort of skin shield, and even blades. Plus if he gets really raged, he can unleash Devastators like a barrage of tendrils that destroys almost everything around him, a small-scale earthquake, and a freaking beam attack made of bio-mass! Where do I get this virus? I want the kind of illness that lets me do all that and have the excuse to stay home on sick leave.

Well, don't get too excited. Here's a bit of a spoiler alert! As it turns out, the current thing that's using Alex Mercer's name and face isn't actually Alex at all. When the original Alex escaped with a sample of the Blacklight virus, he set it off and died in the process. Part of the virus used Alex's body to build itself up and it only thinks it remembers being Alex, which is why parts of his memories are still missing.

Wait, so... if somebody gets infected and they still manage to look like the person, it's just the virus pretending to be that person?

Exactly.

Well, shoot. Scratch another item off my great ideas list.

You keep a list of your oddly convenient ideas?

What? Don't you?

Moving on... Mercer has picked up a couple vision powers: thermal and "Infected". He can switch his eyes to specifically find traces of heat or other organisms that are infected with the Blacklight virus.

For a virus that was so good at pretending to be a person that it even tricked itself, Alex is a pretty cool guy. He managed to take down one of the virus queens Elizabeth Greene, and he saved New York from being the target of a nuclear bombing from the U.S. military.

Unfortunately, that's about as far as his good deeds go. Three years after the outbreak was allegedly quelled, he unleashed it again. He would fully and willingly infect a new target that would rise up and destroy him. So, his sense of morality is a bit dodgy.

Bummer.

"I'm the reason behind all of this. They call me a killer, a monster, a terrorist. I'm all of these things."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Chrysalis

-Changeling, old royalty
-Larger size than the average changeling
-Powers: Shape-shifting, levitation, magic beams, mind control, wall-climbing, flight, singing in someone else's voice with perfect pitch
-Intelligence: Capable of conjuring convoluted collaborations
-Has overpowered pony princesses on more than one occasion
-Fails to learn from hindsight; carries petty grudges; reluctant to adapt; arrogant
-Was overthrown by power unleashed by her own hive

If you were looking at Equestria for the first time, it's forgivable to think that everything looks cheery and colorful. It's a magical world filled with ponies that can levitate objects, control their weather, and grow plants exponentially. What could possibly threaten this land of peace and friendship?

How about all kinds of stuff? Shadowy monsters made of negative emotions, ghost horses that can freeze you solid, a dragon-horse creature that can basically break the rules of reality with a snap, and magic-proof mole creatures are just a tip of the iceberg!

Among the problems that the ponies have had to deal with, there exists Chrysalis: Former Queen of the Changelings. Initially introduced during the wedding ceremony between Twilight Sparkle's brother and the Princess of Love, the changelings used to be a terrifying force. These insect-like equines were capable of altering their appearance to blend in with ponies and feed on their love magic.

That sounds just like my ex-wife. When she was done with me, I felt like I could never love again.

Er... no. It's not like that. Remember that friendship is a literal source of power in Equestria? Well, the same goes for all of the other emotions, including love. Anyway, Chrysalis had slightly more powers than the rest of her hive. In addition to shape-shifting, wall-crawling, and using her head like a mid-weight battering ram, Chrysalis can shoot beams of magic than can mess with a victim's mind or vaporize objects into ashes.

Apparently, she knows how to improvise an opera while using her disguise's voice. For a while, she replaced the love princess and fed off Shining Armor, forcing him to make the protective shield around all of Canterlot City weaker. She also managed to manipulate the emotions of Twilight's friends, making them abandon her before sending her into the pits of hell! ... Oh. No wait, she sent Twilight into an underground mining tunnel where the real Princess Cadance was trapped. My bad. I get those two mixed up a lot.

Despite her strengths and cunning, Chrysalis can also be a bit short-sighted. When she gains a short-term victory, she often loses because she doesn't keep her guard up. After draining Shining Armor entirely, she lost when he and Cadance combined their magic of love and shield to expel her entire invasion force out of Canterlot. When she thought she had victory over Equestria by trapping all of the princesses and the main cast, she underestimated the charisma of Starlight Glimmer and the pure-hearted Thorax. This inspired the rest of the hive to destroy Chrysalis's diablo ex machina. Finally, she put too much of her essence in six mediocre clones of the Main Six ponies. She couldn't predict them betraying her and ultimately destroying themselves.

And now she's basically the bikkhe of some ancient evil goat called Gromit or something.

You mean Grogar?

Sure, whatever.

Still, one must be wary of tackling Chrysalis head-on. Because the fallen queen doesn't play fair. Her underhanded strategies and thirst for vengeance may pull the rug out from under her enemies.

"What a lovely yet absolutely ridiculous sentiment."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

The transition gates open up to a mostly white background. Pencils quickly draw several lines all over the page. Eventually, colors start to fill in the finished shapes. When the drawing utensils are completely removed, it looks like half of the finished city is of Manhattan architecture. The rest resembles the brighter colors of Canterlot.

A dark smog cloud covers the grittier city buildings. Over the buildings with more curves, it's a clear night sky. This is an example of juxtaposition, a paradox, or the animators screwing with everyone. The jury is still out on that one.

Creeping along the midnight streets is an old changeling of tall stature. She occasionally glances around wildly, but there seems to be no ponies to catch her. On the other end of the street, it turns into more defined roads with sidewalks. Some of the cars are flipped over on their sides and/or broken down.

A man hiding his face in the shade of his hoodie jogs up before sliding to a stop. "What the *eff* are you supposed to be?"

"Pretty sure that's my line." The changeling mare gives this creature a stink eye. "Also, you nearly ran me over, not that you could."

"Lady, I'm really not in the mood." He clenches his fists. "I'm dealing with enough *ess* as it is."

"Do you have any idea whom you're talking to?!" A vessel bulges under her shell.

"Don't know; don't care." He walks around her. "Get out of my way... or you'll regret it."

The changeling flaps her wings and zips in front of the biped. "You just messed with the wrong queen, buster."

He clenches his jaw. "I told you to *eff* off nicely."

FIGHT!

Let's see how he likes this! Chrysalis fires a green, jagged beam of magic. It collides with Alex Mercer's head. He groans in a low voice as the green magic seems to fill his head. Chrysalis chuckles at the sight.

"Tch, you're not the first bikkhe to *eff* with my mind."

Chrysalis gasps. "What?!"

Alex yells as a red glow in himself drives out the green glow. With a grunt, he holds out his arms with his elbows bent. A trail of dark red travels down his arms. In that moment, his hands transform into large claws. He runs forward and slashes his claws around.

Chrysalis keeps her wings buzzing, dodging left and right as best as she can. Her eyes shake a little in the slow-motion camera. Her opponent's claws manage to snag tiny scratches on her cheek and chest area. She flies up higher to gain some altitude. A circle of green flames surrounds her as she dives down toward her enemy.

Red lines ripple through Alex's arms. The claws shift to more bulky limbs. His makeshift shields go up just in time for the charging changeling to ram into them. Both changeling and virus-man give a battle cry as they push for space.

Alex's shield splits up into two arm blades, slicing across Chrysalis's torso in the process.

"Oh, feather this!" Chrysalis holds a hoof against the wound while flying up and away.

Mercer hunches over while grunting and growling. Black and red lines channel around his entire body. In a moment of quiet yet vibrant visuals, he unleashes his Tendril Barrage. Long, thin appendages of bio-mass shoot out in several different directions away from him at once. One of these tendrils latches onto a hole in the changeling's left hind hoof.

Chrysalis gasps as her flight path and momentum is instantly reversed. All of Alex's tendrils pull back toward him. When they all get within about one foot's distance, there is a deafening explosion all around him. The road underneath his feet crumbles. Several buildings crack just from the shock wave of his finisher.

The fallen queen finds herself hurled head over tail while spinning out of control. She crashes into a window of a distant skyscraper. After a few seconds, Alex runs over to that same skyscraper and hops along the outside. Chrysalis's back collides with a window of the opposite wall. She ends up sliding along the roof of a shorter building behind her.

She clenches her fangs and hisses in pain. Her wings look completely crumpled up. There is green dripping out of multiple spots along her shell. She tries to stand, but one of her hooves isn't bending right. She stares in anger at the man calmly walking toward her. He picks her up by the throat.

"This could have been avoided." His hoodie hides his eyes from the camera's view.

Chrysalis suddenly smiles and her horn glows green. "You're already dead."

"What?!" Alex faces a beam of nothing but green magic. "AAAAAAAAH-"

The humanoid crumbles to black dust and collects into a neat pile on the roof. Although in pain, Chrysalis stands there and chuckles. She erupts into a cackling as out of her mind as she has ever been. Holding her head high as she laughs, she doesn't notice the small trails of dark red tendrils worming their way out of the dust pile.

"I am the rightful queen of the changelings!" Chrysalis stomps once for emphasis. "I never lose!"

She attempts to shake her wings enough to fly away. But they're still a bit too injured to wiggle without hurting. She grunts as she prepares to start crawling along the roof. Her legs don't respond. She attempts to jump with all four at once. There is still no movement.

"What is the meaning of- Guh?!"

A fleshy blade is jammed through her skull. Trails of bio-mass engulf her legs. The Blacklight virus quickly covers her back, tail, and wings. Finally, the infected tissue absorbs her entire face and horn. This blob of bio-mass slowly reshapes itself into something else, something familiar.

Alex Mercer pulls the extra limbs into himself and exhales.

"Really, Chrysalis?" He moves a hand for emphasis. "If I'm seeing your memories right, you've got a long record of losses. Tch."

He molds the flesh around him again. When he's done, he's a dead ringer for a perfectly healthy changeling queen.

"Maybe I'll take a shot at *eff*ing up Equestria instead. Heh heh heh." He uses his new wings to fly off screen.

K.O.!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Jeepers freaking crisps! What a way to go...

The Prototype series is certainly more willing to push into bloody territory than the My Little Pony franchise. Anyway, both of these characters were capable of shape-shifting. But that didn't necessarily mean that they could both use this effectively in a combat scenario.

Chrysalis can copy other creature's looks and voices, but she doesn't really use blades, claws, earthquakes, or a flipping mass of tendrils that pull victims toward the center before blowing everything up!

And while Chrysalis can fly while Alex Mercer usually can't, he makes up for it with his speed, strength, and enhanced jumping. He also has far more combat experience than Chrysalis. Her only enemies that she has directly fought were magical ponies. Alex has fought a bunch of different mutants, several U.S. armed military forces, and even some of the earlier virus hosts from which he then promptly absorbed all of their memories.

You'd think a queen would know how to overtake some guy that looks like a regular homeless man. But she kind of fell from her royal position when she underestimated her regular subjects. Meanwhile, Alex has been fighting overwhelming odds right from the start.

Additionally, there's the issue that Alex Mercer can't die normally in his current state. The only things truly human about him are his memories and drive that guide his end-goals. We've seen him survive situations that would certainly count as lethal to normal organisms, yet he managed to pull himself together and kill a crow to regenerate himself. Simply ripping him to pieces is not enough to end him for good.

The only weaknesses that enemies have figured out how to use were an anti-virus specifically designed to counter him and a nuclear bomb. But he doesn't even need inhabitable air to survive. He just needs some source of flesh to hang on. And come on! Do you really think Chrysalis would have enough time to create an anti-virus? No! She's too busy with how great she thinks she is and how inferior everyone else is.

Overall, Chrysalis had a small advantage of flight and powers of magic manipulation. But Alex Mercer's strength, speed, adaptability, unpredictable powers, and battle experience brought him the win.

In the end, Chrysalis found herself inside another man.

The winner is Alex Mercer.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

As a side note, Chrysalis tends to use shape-shifting only when she's under cover. When she's already in battle, she fight as herself.

The Lesser Light

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It is not a matter of whether permission or forgiveness is easier. Rather, which is more painful in the long run?

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Death Battle Channel, and Marvel.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

~Little sisters, little brothers...~

It's a tale as old as the first people on Earth. When there are two or more siblings, there is often one that's destined for greatness. The rest must deal with the leftovers, or worse. They may face outright disgust at their position.

And they can't help but feel a desire to undermine that great sibling's power with an evil plan.

Nightmare Moon, the darkness-saturated version of Princess Luna, sister of Princess Celestia.

And Loki, the god of lies and brother to Thor Odinson. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Nightmare Moon

-Species: Alicorn
-Princess Luna overwhelmed by her own dark emotions
-Powers: strength, flight, magic, beams that can cut through stone, shape-shifting, object possession, dark illusions, freely moving the moon, teleporting (allegedly)
-Plan: Shroud the world in eternal night, demanding respect from all the little ponies
-Hubris: laughing maniacally and monologue
-Weakness: Elements of Harmony; concentrated solar magic
-Currently only exists as a memory

In our universe, the sun is the center of our system of planets. Its gravity ensures that we stay in an orbit and a relatively inhabitable atmosphere. But in Equestria, it's a little different. The ruling princesses control the path of the sun and moon, day and night respectively.

You'd think ruling over all the night was awesome, right? I know my parties don't start any earlier than midnight! But I guess the land of magical ponies hadn't quite caught up to that modern idea. The younger princess felt ignored and went into an emo stage out of sheer jealousy.

The anger and jealousy overshadowed Princess Luna, transforming her into a force of night that could not be ignored: Nightmare Moon.

A flash of lightning highlights the maniacal laughter of the dark mare.

In a move of desperation and regret, Princess Celestia used the Elements of Harmony to put Nightmare Moon into a thousand-year time out inside the moon itself. Kind of hard to make Elements do what you really want when there's only one of you. These ponies keep talking about the magic of friendship or whatever. I guess the magic rocks don't accept ponies that are their only friend.

On the last night of the longest day after the thousand years were up, Nightmare Moon returned and attempted to shroud the world in eternal night. I guess no one bothered to explain to her the negative effects on natural habitats and food growth in a world without direct sunlight.

When six ponies journeyed off to find the Elements of Harmony, Nightmare Moon tried a bunch of things to get in their way. She could possess inanimate objects to act on her behalf, create illusions to hold them back, and her shape-shifting body cut through ropes, hair, and flesh.

It's likely that Nightmare Moon possesses all of the powers that Luna has and expanded upon them. Her sheer magic was enough to overpower her older sister who has a similar magic prowess. She can alter her appearance, magically amplify her voice, and summon lightning storms with little effort. Luna is capable of entering dreams and fighting nightmares from inside the sleeper's mind. The Nightmare can also apparently possess a body separately from Luna, keeping the memories and magical strength of its previous host.

Despite these powers, she ended up losing to somebody shooting her with magical Element lasers. Maybe if she stopped monologuing and laughing like crazy, she could have gotten *ess* done.

We all have to start a series somewhere.

"The night. Will last. Forever! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Loki

-Full name: Loki Laufeyson
-Species: Frost Giant "god"
-Adopted by Odin of Asgard
-Powers: astral projections, energy blasts, flight, illusion magic, teleportation, shape-shifting, telepathy
-Alignment: Unstable; has often worked against the heroes, but has also fought alongside the Avengers
-Makes up for lack of Asgardian strength with his sorcery; still resents Thor for overshadowing him
-Weakness: Strong emotional rushes steer his normally logical mind astray

The realm of Asgard is inhabited by beings so powerful that they are revered as gods. The king of this realm was Odin, and he was both a warrior and strategist. After leading his army to wipe out nearly all of the neighboring Frost Giants, he stumbled across what appeared to be an innocent boy. Feeling something of a conscience, he took in Loki as his own son.

But if you remember, Odin had another son called Thor. And this kid was a super child that would eventually help found Marvel's team of heroes called the Avengers. Being in the shadow of greatness, Loki wasn't exactly happy about that. Plus, people kept treating the younger brother like garbage, so it was kind of predictable that he'd be a little passive-aggressive.

Though his strength far surpasses that of earthly men, it paled in comparison to his brother's. So, Loki turned his attention to master his sorcery. These powers include projecting astral copies of himself, blasting foes with energy, flying, casting illusions, shape-shifting into other people, teleporting between locations, and manipulating the minds of others with telepathy.

The god of trickery lived up to his title by constantly messing with Marvel heroes. Such humble tricks included doing impressions of Thor's friends, freezing the life tree, unleashing an army of monsters on Earth and Asgard alike, and faking his own death multiple times.

But while the trickster enjoys playing with the emotions of others, he finds the opposite to be much less enjoyable. If he is hit by an emotion too overwhelming, he could end up throwing his calm, logical plans out the window and leave himself open.

So, he can dish it out, but he can't take it?

Exactly.

“Born to be a king, I ask one thing in return: a front seat to watch Earth burn."

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~DeathBattle~~~

It is a dark and stormy night. Wait, that sounds too generic. Well, how else can someone describe this setting? The only source of light in this setting is the moon, and that keeps getting interrupted by the moving shadows of trees. Plus, there's lightning going off every now and again. Okay, dark and stormy night it is.

Timber wolves prowl around the forest shadows. The land suddenly shakes, provoking the wooden canines to growl. A giant mass stomps down and crushes one of the wolves. Zoom out a lot, and the audience sees a few creatures that resemble titans with bluish-white skin. Just above these giants' heads, a hover bike's engine rumbles. A man in a rather garish gold and green outfit rides this flying bike with a calm look on his face.

Several meters to one side, a group of armored bat ponies fly onto the scene. At the front, there is a black alicorn in midnight blue armor. Her slit eyes stare in annoyance at this invading army of frost giants.

The hover biker stands up on the seat and chuckles at the sight of flying horses.

FIGHT!

Nightmare Moon leans her head back briefly before shooting a beam from her horn. Loki lightly hops out of the way as his bike gets totaled by the blast. He yawns before pointing his staff and firing a beam of his own. Nightmare performs an aileron roll to her right, dodging the enemy's beam. The attack ends up hitting one of the bat ponies, sending it tumbling to the forest floor.

Both combatants repeatedly fire shots of magic. The blasts that don't collide with each other rush in either direction. Each spell slinger dodges with little effort. The dark mare uses a break in the casts to fly forward. Loki pretends to ponder for a second before holding up his free hand.

This free hand triggers some unseen force. It catches Nightmare Moon by the neck and suspends her flight. She gasps, holding her hooves against her neck to try and restart her breath. By turning his clenching hand into a thumbs-down, Loki hurls the alicorn toward the ground. She yells out before lighting up her horn.

The lesser of Odin's sons finds himself surrounded by a midnight blue aura. Before he can utter his confusion, he too is hurled toward the ground. One after the other, the combatants collide with the dirt. In the background, the night guard ponies are skirmishing with the frost giants.

Back with the main fight, Loki pulls his face out of the dirt first. Nightmare Moon gets onto all fours soon after. She slams her hooves against the ground, causing several cracks to appear in the otherwise solid rock. Loki creates a similar yet smaller pattern of cracks with his staff in front of himself. It glows and shines in Nightmare's eyes.

You dare attack me? His voice echoes in her head. I am a god! I will not be bullied by a pit of glue playing sorcerer!

Nightmare growls and her eyes glow white. Her state of matter shifts to violet gas and she rushes into the earth's cracks, spreading them along. Eventually, the cracks reach the impression of the staff. Her gaseous form flows into the staff and slices it into multiple pieces.

"You are kidding, right?" Her voice echoes in the immediate area. "What is a god of tricks compared to the night itself?"

Loki appears to take on the form of Thor and throws his fist at the magical cloud. Part of the cloud solidifies and meets the fist partway with a hoof in the opposite direction. Loki then takes on the shape of a white-haired man with bluish tights. He rapidly kicks at the cloud at its hooves. The shadow cloud retaliates by turning into a Shadow Bolt and flying around the Quicksilver-esque figure with a tornado.

Out of the top of the tornado, Loki flies out with his original face and outfit. Magic appears to dance around both of his hands as he holds them above his head. He looks completely pissed off. Nightmare Moon solidifies while her mane swirls wildly. Lightning strikes Loki's hands and head. He yells out more in surprise than in pain.

Nightmare Moon flies up and shoots a large bluish beam of magic. It goes through the head of the 'god', slicing it into quarters. The rest of the body falls limply to the ground below. After crushing the chest of the body twice with her hoof, Nightmare Moon rushes away to assist her army.

K.O.!

In her shadowy cloud form, Nightmare Moon overshadows one of the frost giants, beats up the other two, and then crushes her host. She emerges in her own body and gives a disappointed look at her soldiers.

~~~DeathBattle~~~

What? A Marvel character loses? That's never happened in the history of ever!

Well, hear us out for a bit. This was not a conclusion we drew lightly. Heck, there are a few ways Loki could absolutely take a win against Nightmare Moon. Loki's backstory technically covers a much longer time span than Nightmare's, meaning he could beat her in experience and wisdom. But there's a slight problem with that: the rest of their capabilities are very similar.

Magic that surpasses others of their own kind? Check. Strength that goes above the average person? Check. Illusions? Check. Shape-shifting? Check. Manipulating minds? Teleport? Laser beams? Triple check! Oh, and they've both escaped death in at least one of their comics.

They also share a level of arrogance that can lead to short-sighted mistakes at the worst possible times. Here's where things split hairs. Loki's weakness is his tendency to let emotions overtake him and drive his plans south. In contrast, Nightmare Moon is completely fueled by her own emotions. So the stronger her negativity, the stronger her magic and focus.

But how could Loki ever lose? He tricks people into thinking that he's dead more often than Dr. Doom!

In order for him to keep projecting astral bodies to take the deadly hit for him, a physical body must still be alive for him to copy. Finding that real body may be difficult, but not impossible for someone who can turn into a shadowy cloud and race around. Loki can lead armies, but Nightmare Moon fought all of her battles by herself.

*sigh* In the end, this battle turned into Loki's worst Nightmare.

The winner is Nightmare Moon.

A clip shows Nightmare Moon in the season 5 finale asking, "Who else?"

~~~DeathBattle~~~

Author's Note

Alternative ending...
Loki: "Ha! Did you think this was the real me?" *Astral clone disappears and Loki appears behind Nightmare Moon's back.*
Nightmare Moon: "I knew you were going to do that. So I did this!" *Turns into shadow form and rushes behind Loki's back and blasts him.*
Loki: "I knew you were going to do that. So I did this! *Another astral clone and another backstab.*
Nightmare Moon: "I knew you were going to do that. So I did this!" *Creates shadowy clones of herself and attacks Loki from every direction.*
Loki: "I knew you were going to do that. So I did this!" *Astral clone disappears and yada yada.*
Nightmare Moon: "Wha-?!" *Explodes*

(This little fake scene is an adapted version of a property of Viva Riverie.)

Lightning Round: Spider-Verse?

Set "Formatting" to whatever will make the text on your screen legible.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the fights take place without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Gender Bent---

Dusk Shine (On a Cross and Arrow) vs. Spider-Gwen (Into the Spider-Verse)

A lavender unicorn stallion trots down the stairs of his library that doubles as a home. He magically places a book into one of the shelves while looking around. A hooded figure hangs upside-down and silently lowers itself on a sticky rope. When the stallion reaches the bottom of the stairway, he gasps at what he sees.

Here, the camera turns around and reveals a humanoid with a mostly white outfit. She waves with a free hand before effortlessly doing a flip. She lands on the floor and crouches in a daring pose. The unicorn frowns and pads the floor with his hoof. He isn't going to let this threat get away with whatever she's planning.

Anticipation is about to explode!

Begin!

Dusk Shine's horn glows as he attempts to magically pull his enemy closer. Spider-Gwen yelps as it feels like a current is moving her without her say. She shoots a couple webs behind herself. To the unicorn's surprise, the humanoid manages to yeet an entire bookshelf over her head at him. Dusk shifts his spell to a shield spell, bouncing the flying bookshelf and its contents around him.

Spider-Gwen uses her web shooters to throw a couple more bookshelves in the same way. Dusk focuses and vanishes in a flash of light. The animator briefly creates a wiggling line around the girl's head. She leaps up and grips on the ceiling just as Dusk Shine reappears behind the spider's original position.

"Nice try!" calls out Spider-Gwen. "But it'll take more than that to sneak up on m-"

An entire bed with sheets surrounded in Dusk Shine's magic glow slams into the ceiling. The stallion snorts while gradually lowering the bed from its current height. Spider-Gwen is currently lying on top of it with arms and legs in very uncomfortable positions. She lets out a low moan.

Dusk Shine wills the bed sheets to tie his enemy up in a ball. "More than enough for you now?"

Spider-Gwen can barely keep her eyes open at this point. "Why does my... neck feel so stiff?" She falls asleep, complete with cartoon Zs.

Quick Finish!

This round's victory goes to... Dusk Shine!

---Slap Me Silly---

Pinkie Pie (MLP: FiM) vs. Spider-Ham (Into the Spider-Verse)

"Hiya, Death Battle fans! Are you ready for a fun time?"

Meanwhile, a short stubby creature in a red-webbed, and blue highlight outfit looks around. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oops! So sorry! Didn't mean to ignore you! I'm just super excited and want to get this started right!"

"Started?" The little guy snorts. "What the pork do you mean?"

"Why your debut party of course! This is the first time you've ever shown up in our wonderful world! Oh, I hope I have enough confetti! My sister gave me a huge tub of it, but I haven't been keeping track as much as I probably should!"

He looks around again, randomly tapping for invisible walls. "Am I being punked?"

"No, you silly colt! This is totally legit!"

"Colt?!" The eyes on the creature's mask seem to narrow to thin slits of white. "They call me... Mr. Pig! RAAAAAH!"

Live and let die!

Battle!

Spider-Ham shoots several webs from his wrists... hooves... (Sorry, what are those things called?) Um, and the resulting webs look kind of meaty. Pinkie Pie yelps as one of the meat webs covers her tail and pulls her off the left side of the screen. After that, the suited pig turns around and slaps his curly tail.

"Truffle you later, mother oinker!" he calls out.

"Hey! Watch your language, young swine!" Pinkie somehow hangs off the top right corner of the screen.

"Gyahh!" The startle leads Spider-Ham to fall backward. "How'd you do that?"

"That's a mystery. Oooo." She wiggles her hooves under her face.

"Too soon." He facepalms... face-trotters(?)... (Darn it. We're not supposed to need research for these kinds of battles.)

"Oh my Celestia! You're right!" She drops down to ground level. "How inconsiderate of me!" She clears her throat. "So... where were we?"

His left eye opens more than his right eye. "Last I checked, I was promptly giving you a face full of my webbing."

Pinkie nods affirmatively. "I see your point. But hear me out, counter point..."

She pulls out her Party Cannon and stuffs the masked pig inside the barrel. In the next instant, the cannon blasts him out toward a tall building's wall. Spider-Ham bounces along upwards before he manages to get a footing of sorts. He exhales while standing sideways on a window.

An explosion catches the pig's attention. When he looks up, there's a giant wad of confetti flying right at him. He shoots a web toward a light post and pulls himself away. The confetti collides with the window, breaking both in the impact. From the height of the light post, Spider-Ham fires several ham-shaped web bullets at the cannon.

All of this new weight causes the Party Cannon to expand like a balloon.

"Uh-oh..."

Pinkie Pie dives into the concrete. Her mane acts like a drill, leading her underground. Immediately after, her cannon explodes, creating a crater in the tar and launching confetti into the ground levels of the nearby buildings. Spider-Ham snorts with a smug tone.

"Attack, my pets!"

His eyes open in surprise as he turns around. Two balloon animals, a dog and a giraffe, are launched right against his shoulders. He falls over and bounces off the ground on his back. He screams while hugging both of the balloon animals. Their heads are pressed up against his face.

Pinkie Pie uses this distraction to pull out a portable oven from off screen. A timer goes off as steam rises from the top. She takes a mitt and pulls out the oven's contents. A giant red and brown cake flies out. It lands on top of the screaming pig, silencing him for the rest of his screen time.

"Hope you like truffle flavor!" Pinkie smiles while patting the side of the oven.

Complete!

This round's winner is... Pinkie Pie!

---Sometimes Black & White---

Detective Rarity (MLP: FiM) vs. Spider-Man Noir (Into the Spider-Verse and Shattered Dimensions)

*A slip of paper with the bold word NOTICE is passed to the narrator.*

What do you mean I'm being relieved for this next match up? Narration is my whole job!

...

It was a dark and cloudy night, yet not a drop of rain fell. This was perfect as our detective hero had not brought an umbrella. Her outfit was fabulous yet mysterious. The hat upon her head hid the light in her eyes from every pony but herself. Occasionally, she would share this eye light with that of a passing window or a mirror. It was bedazzling as the diamonds upon her cutie mark.

The business street was empty this evening. In her line of work, empty streets were a double-edged sword. While the quiet did allow her to organize the chaos that was her thoughts, it also hid the sneaking scoundrels in the city. There was a mystery that needed to be solved. Walking along this quiet, empty street could both help and hinder her problem-solving mind. Well, no pony ever said working as a detective would be easy.

For all intents and purposes, this place looked just like Manhattan. But he knew better. There weren't enough people randomly hogging the street corners and alleys. There wasn't a loud, young couple in any of the second-floor windows. Most importantly, there was the voice of a woman talking to herself.

You know what the funny thing was for a guy dressed in a black, leather outfit that marginally represented a spider? He couldn't find the alleged lady anywhere. It was as if all life in the world he was currently crawling around was stripped clean. It was just him and a tiny horse dressed up like a Carmen Sandiego reject.

Wait...

Her ears perked up. Could that possibly have been the voice of a stallion? And was it coming from above her? The detective quickly looked up, but couldn't make anything out in the shadows. Neither pegasus nor bat pony could be seen.

She had learned that senses could occasionally fool ponies who were stressed out of their minds. Yet, she was certain she had taken precautions to prevent such sinkholes. She had taken three days to rest since her previous case. Surely, her ears were not deceiving her. Her gut feeling backed up the sound testimony.

There was little doubt in her mind. She was being followed. For what purpose? She intended to get to the bottom of this.

What is sentient life? Does it exist in a dog who opens its eyes wide while begging to exit the house? Does it even extend to the trees that grow, shed leaves, and grow them again over a hundred years? Why does mankind get to dictate what does and does not have a soul?

Sometimes, I hold a match in my hand and let it burn down to nothing... just so I can feel. Does that mean I lack sentience? I have seen many unreasonable things happen without a care in the world in my life. Perhaps, this talking lady on four hooves is just one of them. Where does my right to believe that she shouldn't exist end, and her right to believe that she isn't thinking out loud begin? Do we even have these beliefs, or were they implanted by an outside party that has yet to be discovered?

Let your fists do the talking!

Start!

Detective Rarity decided to take initiative. She gently pushed open a door to a diner, admiring the fine finish of the wood, and slipped inside. From the darkened interior, she was sure to get a glimpse of any suspicious fellows that were still outside.

What the lady failed to realize was that the shady-suited Spider-Man was already on the ceiling. He was silently watching while holding a stationary position. He thought back to one time where he had sat down in a diner much like this one. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough money in the budget for a flashback, so he couldn't show the audience his thoughts.

There was a man on the ceiling? Wait, who said that? The detective searched all corners above her for the man that called himself a spider.

Hold on, she didn't move her mouth that time. How did I hear that? I was in the middle of an inner monologue.

Wait, you have those too?

All the time.

Fascinating. Maybe when we get a moment, we can review this topic of discussion.

*Ahem* I shook my head to clear the cobwebs of flashing back. This madam was unlike the creatures I usually dealt with.

Erm, just one last thing.

Oh my gosh, what is it now?

Why do you keep switching between first-person and third-person during your inner monologue?

Really? You're going to be a grammar police on me now? Isn't this the wrong decade for that?

Well! There's no need to be rude. I simply wanted to make this encounter as consistent as possible.

... Anyway, it seemed like she was looking out for someone. Was it the Spider-Man that was currently watching her? Or was there some other third party that she knew about that I didn't? I'd have to keep watching her to find out.

It was fine. She was fine with waiting around in silence. She could wait around and watch all night if she needed to do so.

Aside from a few breaths, the dame wasn't moving. What exactly was she waiting for?

Her name was Rarity, and despite her profession, she allowed her mind to drift and her eyes to gaze up into the dark, empty space. But as awareness returned to her vision...

"Waaaaaah! Spider!"

"Ugh... took you long enough to notice. I mean, what? Our inner monologues apparently give us telepathy powers and you still couldn't find me? Some detective you are."

"Buster, do you seriously want us to get in trouble for breaking the fourth wall?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Cotton Candy and Pork Chops took care of that in the last match up."

She sighed. "Point taken; damage done. I presume you've already procured information about my current case from my personal thoughts earlier."

He walked over to a wall, stood sideways, and crossed his arms. "Honestly, I kind of skimmed through it and don't really know what your objective is."

"Well, there has been a rise in crimes and murders as of late. I am trying to find the perpetrator. All I really have to go on is the constant calling card of a dark feather."

"It's the Vulture."

"You already know their identity?"

"He's the reason I decided to put up a fight against criminals. He killed someone that meant the world to me. He'll pay for that."

"You can't mean an eye-for-eye revenge."

"No. If he dies before he can repent, it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying. When I catch him, he's going straight into a slammer. It's personal."

Rarity slightly lowered her hat and smiled. "Then I suppose I no longer have work to be done here."

"You're just going to leave?"

"You have a personal stake in seeing this case to its finish. I was only chasing a curiosity. If you've been studying his whereabouts and movements, then you are more suited for the job. Still, the goggles are a bit much."

"If you think this part of my outfit's too much, you should've seen the Spider-Man that's all patriotic colors."

"Farewell, gentle sir... and good luck."

And just like that, the dame was off. What a strange unicorn. Her hat's brim was larger than her common sense of style.

You know, I can still hear your inner monologue!

Did I stutter?

Player 1 concedes!

The winner of this round is... Spider-Man Noir!

Author's Note

This is probably going to be my last TMNPWWF entry for the year 2019. New possibilities may show themselves later.

Lightning Round: Hollownest vs. The End Trio

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to the settings that will make the text legible for you.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Death Battle Channel and Team Cherry.

Spoiler warning for the ninth Season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as well as the video game Hollow Knight.

Burst Lightning Round!

Here, every single fight is conducted without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---The United Evils vs. The Power of Emptiness---

(MLP: FiM vs. Hollow Knight)

Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow VS Hornet, The Pure Vessel, and The Knight/Ghost

A changeling, a centaur, and a wannabe alicorn pony walk into a bar. (She's 'wannabe' because her horn is completely made of red magic, rather than flesh and bone like natural alicorns.) They each utter a respective groan of pain.

"How does a queen lose a map?" The centaur grunts and casts his eyes.

"Navigation is a job for a lord." The changeling gives her own glare. "How did you lose the map?"

Before any more words can be exchanged, a dust cloud covers them both. Sound effects of impact complement the sight of red fists and black, hole-ridden hooves. Meanwhile, the little pony vaporizes the bar with a spell. She then looks at the scuffle between her two associates.

"You guys, stop fighting!" She flies over the dust cloud. "We need to save our energy if we're lost and want to survive."

"Stay out of this! / Stay out of this!" Both of them turn their menacing eyes out for a moment.

Some nearby bushes rustle. All three of the creatures hold their breath and look over. What emerges from the bushes looks like nothing that they were expecting. A white skull with two small horns jumps out. Its black body is adorned with a blue cloak that it quickly wraps around itself.

The starting trio blinks, completely speechless. However, the small bug is not alone. It turns around to watch another creature emerge. This one is taller and is wearing a faded red cloak. The dark eyes almost look like they are directly on a pair of white horns. Either that, or it may be a boomerang-shaped head.

Something larger stomps the ground. The sound convinces both of the newcomers to run away from the bushes. Immediately, a larger black-bodied creature emerges. This one's horned skull is serrated. Its cloak is pale, and only covers the top half of its body. There is a faint, orange glow inside this being's eyes.

"Wow... those are some ugly bugs," says the filly, "present company excluded."

"Some offense taken." The changeling grits her fangs.

"Shall we do some extermination before setting up camp?" The centaur holds out a hand to each of his allies.

The eyes of the two smaller newcomers open wide. They each spread their legs into a stance ready to charge. The smallest bug pulls out a nail. The red-cloaked one pulls out a big needle in her grasp. Already holding out a large blade-like weapon, the largest of the trio simply roars to the sky.

Triumph or die!

Fight!

Chrysalis and Hornet dash off to the left of the screen. Tirek's fist collides with Pure Vessel's blade. These two fighters slide off the right of the screen. Cozy Glow flies forward and casts what looks like a red lightning spell. Silently, Ghost flaps two hidden wings and flies over the spell. It spins its nail around before shooting a ball of shadow energy.

"Hup! Hah! Hyah!" Hornet zooms around, swishing her needle around.

As Chrysalis is doing her best to dodge left, right, and up, her thoughts wander. Why am I suddenly picturing this creature in a green tunic?

The former queen fires a few bolts of emerald magic. In response, the gendered child throws a barely visible string at a tree branch. She pulls herself out of the way like a hero would with a grappling hook. As more green bolts follow her, she swings along her string from branch to branch. Chrysalis laughs at what looks like cowardice from her opponent.

What she doesn't see, however, is the child circling around behind her. Just above Chrysalis's back, Hornet unleashes a flurry with her string. It lashes the air surrounding her. The changeling does feel sharp stinging throughout her midsection as the strings flash for the audience's reference.

Tirek grabs a hold of his opponent's midsection in one hand. His other hand pummels against the exoskeleton skull. A crack forms along Pure Vessel's face. After about five punches and the crack nearly reaching the top between its eye holes, Vessel swings its black limb up and catches the red fist. Just as Tirek grunts in confusion, the big bug's blade slashes the centaur across the chest.

Pure Vessel lowers its nail into the ground. Several greatswords poke out like spikes. Some of these uprooted blades poke into the enemy centaur and his hooves. Tirek yells out and shoots a beam of orange and black magic from between his horns. Pure Vessel jumps up and shoots needles out of its person in wild directions.

The centaur holds up his arms to block the needles coming at his face. But his skin is still pierced by the multiple pins. He surrounds one of his arms with a magical aura. He lifts one of the greatswords still in the ground and hurls it. Pure Vessel wildly slashes its one blade, knocking the flying greatsword to the side. It then appears to teleport behind Tirek. It jams its weapon into his behind.

Growling in pain, Tirek grabs hold of the bug once again. He opens his mouth and breathes in heavily. Pure Vessel shakes in place. Its eyes glow orange until this light flows like a river into Tirek's throat. Afterwards, Tirek promptly drops his enemy at his feet.

For once, Pure Vessel's thoughts are not burning in radiant light. They are reduced to dull curiosities. It feels nothing. It desires nothing. Its mind and self are completely hollow. The same cannot be said of Tirek, as the lord's eyes glow and he holds both his hands against his head.

"What is this magic?!" He cries out. "What are you?!"

A new vessel is blessed with our light. Rejoice in our touch. Be happy for our union. There is no room for fear, no room for doubt. Others must bask in our perfection. Those who do not, must be destroyed.

Slowly, Tirek lowers his hands to his sides. Orange growths appear around his ears. His eyes glow orange. He turns away from Pure Vessel and stomps along.

Meanwhile, the chosen vessel slowly stands up. It looks down at its two hands. The hand around its blade's grip twitches tightly. Then, this bug chases its enemy.

Ghost slashes its nail around, barely missing every time. Cozy Glow flies in close before floating backward, laughing each time her opponent misses. She even casts a magic hold on it for good measure. She forces the pull on it to go up and down against the ground, then slams the bug against a tree. Said tree is knocked over in the process.

The pony flies in for a closer look. She thinks she sees it hunched over.

"Aw, what's the matter, ugly bug-ling?" Cozy crosses her front hooves and smirks. "Did I hurt your baby feelings?"

A white aura acts like flames around Ghost. After a few seconds pass, the aura fades. It stands on its legs and turns around. Whatever damage Cozy had inflicted is nowhere to be seen. She gasps and fumes.

She tries casting some more bolts of red lightning. Ghost briefly turns into a shadow of itself and dashes forth. The bolts pass through as if it isn't there. Once Ghost gets in close, it changes back to normal and starts flailing away with its nail. Every slash elicits a pained cry from Cozy.

Ghost spreads its arms wide. A shadowy presence briefly flashes around it, causing more pain to Glow. She ends up rolling along the ground. She groans as she tries to stand back up.

"Ad-ee-no!" Hornet snags Chrysalis with her needle and string like a rope dart. "Hee-ga-lay!"

The return force sends Chrysalis flying smack into her pony associate. The two groan. Meanwhile, Hornet shows up and stands next to Ghost. She laughs a bit. It says nothing and stares at the pile.

Their impromptu celebration is cut short as the ground shakes. They look over and up and gasp at what they find. It seems the Radiance can infect more than just local wildlife in Hollownest. Tirek's roar no longer sounds like a sentient male, just a feral beast. In his current state, he goes on to crush both changeling and pony under his giant hooves.

The small bugs wield their respective pointy objects, taking as fierce stances as they can muster. Hornet jumps up several feet vertically while Ghost jogs along the ground.

"Shaaa!" Hornet dives, needle-first at the enemy.

The Ghost slashes its nail weapon against one of the centaur's front hooves. The infected Tirek grabs out with his fingers, squeezing Hornet. She struggles and grunts, but she can't get out of the palm. Meanwhile, a hoof casually kicks Ghost back several feet. Vision around itself gets darker.

That darkness is alleviated by several white bubbles. These bubbles turn into exploding lights that impact with the infected centaur. Tirek roars and loses his grip on his victim. Hornet catches her breath as her cloak rises and falls. She looks around the centaur to what is behind him.

Pure Vessel is in its namesake's state of mind. It leaps onto Tirek's back and slashes away with its blade. Tirek romps around, trying to shake the largest bug loose. He proceeds to shoot magic blasts every which way, destroying several trees in the process. Ghost and Hornet dash around to avoid the explosions.

Pretty soon, Pure Vessel is forced to abandon its makeshift mount. It slams the point of its weapon into the ground. Greatswords appear out of the ground at various heights. Hornet swings around, tying some of her strings to these towering swords. She then jumps up and jams her needle right into Tirek's left eye, forcing him to lean back.

"Gitgud!" she shouts.

Ghost hops along the constructed platforms of greatswords and string. Within a few seconds, it jumps right up to meet the infected centaur's face. At this point, Ghost sheds its physical body, revealing a shade roughly the same size. Pure Vessel's own shade flies up and holds back the centaur's horns with dark tendrils.

While Hornet and Pure Vessel hang on tightly, Ghost lashes out with void tendrils of its own. Every slap against the infected centaur elicits a two-fold roar. One of the voices doesn't even sound like a real animal. Ghost does not relent, continuing to slap the enemy. As the attack rush continues, some of the hits act more like slashing damage. There is an animation of claw tears causing more damage.

Both shades grow more tendrils and lash around the centaur's face. A cloud of void pulls the three beings and the imprisoned Radiance into the darkened ground. A cross between a bird's cry and an unholy scream can be heard. There is an explosion of little lights and dark bubbles. Then... nothing.

...

...

Hornet picks herself off the ground and slowly looks around. The skulls that hid Ghost's and Pure Vessel's faces lay broken on the ground. Neither of her allies and none of her enemies are within sight. She picks up her needle and stows it away.

"La-fey new fi-nee-do." She wraps herself up in her cloak, turns around, and walks away from the scene.

Overkill K.O.!

The winner of this Lightning Round is... Team Cherry!

Author's Note

As fun as it was, I'm feeling a bit of mental burnout trying to keep this particular project ongoing. Maybe I'll come back to it when I've got a really strong idea, one that I believe I can execute spectacularly. But until that time comes, this is where I turn the switch off.

Thank you, consistent readers and brand new readers alike. I'm glad you found some entertainment from these battles and some of the not-so-battle chapters.

Lightning Round: He Will Never Be A Memory

Advisory: Set "Formatting" to whatever allows you to read the text.

All properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners.

*Tick-tock, tick-tock*

Burst Lightning Round

Here, all the fights happen without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

Windigoes neighed and howled. Cold storm clouds surrounded the centaur, the changeling, and the fake alicorn. If that were all that was there, it might have been game over for Equestria. However, that wasn't all that was there.

Several creatures stepped over the hills. Ponies, dragons, changelings, gryphons, hippogryphs, yaks, and a mustached river monster all gathered onto the field. Magic gathered between the Elements of Harmony, the Pillars of Virtue, and six young students.

Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow braced themselves for an explosion of rainbows. They didn't tear their eyes away from their adversaries for a second.

The Ending Of The End: Winner-Takes-All

(Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow vs. Every-Creature Else)

The wheel of fate is turning!

Fi-

A silver light slashed horizontally through the air. Those on the side of friendship gasped at what they saw. Meanwhile, the evil trio blinked. Each of the three looked down, wondering why they couldn't feel their legs. Twelve hooves were falling to the ground, followed by red and green waterfalls.

The trio's eyes rolled back in their heads. Gravity pulled their tops down to join the rest of them. The windigoes ceased their circular gallop through the sky. A pair of the cold entities parted to either side as their ghostly mouths were compelled to make a new sound.

The lights of harmony and virtue dimmed. The magic was slower but still cycling. Reflected in Twilight Sparkle's eyes was a dark image. It was a biped, coated in black with long silver hair. In its left hand, a ridiculously long sword glinted. Glowing blue eyes stared coldly at the collection of creatures gathered around the hills.

Warning: A new challenger is approaching!

(Sephiroth vs. MLP:FiM's Season 9 Good Guys)

Witness oblivion!

Struggle!

~Estuans interius
Ira vehementi...~

This newcomer raised his right hand. After a bit of a spark, several lightning bolts struck through the sky. All six of the virtue ponies were hit, shaking from the shock before toppling to the grass. Smolder and Gallus growled before flying out of formation. Their classmates called out for them to wait.

Smolder unleashed her fire breath while Gallus charged with his talons out. Something shimmered like a flat wall of crystal in front of the figure. Upon hitting this glass wall, the fire bounced back into Smolder's face and Gallus's wrist crunched while bending backwards. Both of them yelped and stumbled in the air.

~Sephiroth~

Ocellus and Silverstream flew up just enough to catch their falling friends. Both of them carried as far away from "Sephiroth" as they could. Meanwhile, Twilight and the other bearers shared a look. They resumed their concentration and the Elements glowed brighter.

Sephiroth swung his sword through one of the windigoes that was off-key. It neighed out of existence. The remaining three windigoes continued their instilled chorus like nothing had happened. He snapped his free hand, creating a red spark that was launched down to his right.

Fizzlepop Berrytwist jumped into the air, flipped, and kicked out one of her anti-magic orbs. The enemy's spark passed through the orb and blew it up. That spark then proceeded to home in on the broken unicorn. Her eyes widened right before the spell exploded all around her. She landed back among her group. Her armor was reduced to a plume of smoke.

Some of the ponies armed and launched catapult projectiles. Carrots and hardware nails filled the sky. Sephiroth opened a singular wing composed of black feathers. He flew down while spinning his sword in front of himself. The approaching carrots were peeled into tiny orange sticks while the nails were completely obliterated.

~Sors immanis
Et inanis...~

With one swing, Sephiroth turned a herd of crystal ponies completely bald. With the hilt, he knocked several yaks into a hill at least a mile away. He stood up straight and looked around. His small, cold smile unnerved several creatures that were left.

Another biped glided on thin air behind the intruder. This one had a short, red bowl-cut, a magenta jacket, and a glowing red sword as thin as Sephiroth's. A third biped flew at Sephiroth from the side. The third guy had a black mane, a warrior's armor, and a sword too big for most swordsmen to wield.

Turning slightly, Sephiroth blocked both of the incoming swords with his own. He spun around into a whirlwind. The force of his cleaving motion knocked both of his attackers away. The red-head shape-shifted into Pharynx while the bigger guy shifted into Thorax. Both of the reformed royal changelings tumbled onto the grass and groaned.

~Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias...~

Discord popped in and snapped his grandmother's clothes all over Sephiroth's outfit. The draconequus chuckled as he pretended to use a balloon sword to tickle the man.

"Where are you looking?"

Discord gasped and turned around. Sephiroth was in his preferred attire and stabbing through both of Discord's wings. The first image in ridiculous clothes faded away. It had been an illusion.

~Gloriosa, generosa...~

Sephiroth pulled his enemies into a dark, space-filled dimension. He pointed his sword down, summoning the sun to crash into the planet. Celestia's horn glowed completely. Her spell slowed the sun down a bit, but it was still getting closer.

~Sephiroth~

The singing windigoes evaporated in the intense heat. Celestia sweated as she and Sephiroth were in their push-of-war for control of the sun. Cadance, Luna, and Starlight poured their magic into Celestia's. The sun came to a standstill, but it was way too close to be considered comfortable.

By this time, the Elements of Harmony unleashed the full strength of their bearers. A rainbow-colored wave washed over the one-winged angel. After a few false starts, a new flash dispelled the space dimension. Every creature was returned to the hill-surrounded valley.

The exception was the life-sized figure lying on its side. His feet were stuck to a flat, golden circle. Curious, Gabriella the gryphon flew close and tapped the platform with her talon. The colored statue glowed.

Sephiroth stood up straight, no worse for wear. He brushed some dust off his shoulders. Every creature braced themselves until Sephiroth sheathed his sword. He calmly walked over and grabbed a hoof with a golden brace.

Celestia obtained: Phoenix Down x 3.

He turned around, used his wing to cover his entire body, and then rushed into the sky. He disappeared in a twinkling star.

~Sephiroth~

"So... what do we do about those three?" Yona tilted her head and motioned with her horns.

Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow were still in a pile of separated body parts. After twisting his wings a few times to get them back into place, Discord suggested reviving them and turning them to stone. Celestia called him out. She mentioned that doing so wouldn't be his style. After a bit of deliberation, most of the gathered agreed it would be more merciful to let them rest in peace.

Spike, Applejack, and Rockhoof gathered large stones to build a makeshift circle. Dragon Lord Ember and the former lord Torch breathed fire onto the round pit. After several hours and every creature had left, ashes were lost to the wind.

Error: Winner not found. Check connection and try again.

No Contest

Standing in front of a blank canvas, Sephiroth slowly clapped his hands. "I'll see you again."

Author's Note

After seeing all the reactions to that Smash announcement during the gaming awards, I thought, 'Oh my gosh. I just had the dumbest idea. I've got to do it!'

Merry Christmas, 2020!

Red vs. Pink?

Death Battle

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Various pictures from cartoons and other media pass the screen momentarily as our announcers get started. (Due to the need to avoid copyright infringements, we'll call them W and B respectively.)

W opens his speech, "The 4th wall is a fragile division between reality and fantasy."

B interrupts, "And some people obliterate it on a regular basis."

"Like Deadpool, the 'Merc with a mouth' and Pinkie Pie of the G4 earth ponies."

"Are we really pitting another one of these ponies against a killer machine?" B lets out a sigh.

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

The famous title card reading "Death Battle" enters from either side of the screen before splitting apart again to reveal a guy in a red jumpsuit. Though he wears a mask, it's pretty easy to tell that he's grinning.

W introduces this masked man, "Wade Winston Wilson AKA Deadpool is a mercenary for hire with an identity as mysterious as his motives."

B picks up, "I don't know why this guy needs his katana, shuriken, guns, and pineapple grenades. This guy can literally talk his enemies to death." A quick clip of Deadpool's taunting talk bubble dealing damage to his opponent proves B's point.

W goes on, "Deadpool is very talkative, usually in a humorous manner and distracting to anyone within a 50 ft radius."

A statistics and facts screen appears to the side as W continues.

"He's a mutant who's powers include regeneration, superhuman agility, and immunity to telepathy. He is also a master of martial arts and swordplay."

B adds, "Deadpool wears a teleporter belt which works twice in battle, but if he tries to use it a third time it short-circuits and stuns him momentarily. What a shocker."

"But arguably, Deadpool's most deadly weapon is his ability to break the 4th wall. He can smack his opponents around with his health bar and hyper combo meter leaving enemies grounded and open to his aerial attacks."

"And he has a catch phrase ready for nearly every enemy he faces."

A clip shows up where Deadpool taunts, "Magneto! Welcome to die."

The title card reading Death Battle appears again and splits apart to reveal a smiling pink cartoonish pony with a mane that resembles cotton candy.

W starts the introduction, "Pinkamena Diane Pie AKA Pinkie Pie lives in the magical land of Equestria in Ponyville."

B sighs but W continues like he didn't hear.

"She previously worked on a rock farm before inspiration struck her and she moved to Ponyville. Her official occupation is assistant baker in training, however she's better known to the locals as 'Party Planner Extraordinaire'." As some of Pinkie Pie's stats appear on the side of the screen, W keeps talking.

"Her most unique abnormality is her Pinkie Sense."

"What?" B asked.

"This sense has allowed her to predict and avoid calamities such as falling objects, opening doors, bee swarms, and other unexpected phenomena."

"How... wha... how does that even work?"

"Pinkie Pie has a strange taste bud arrangement which makes hot sauce covered cupcakes pleasurable to her but liquid rainbows are discomforting."

"She thinks Tabasco is sweet and Skittles are spicy?" B ponders, "Seems legit."

"By some magic or unique, genetic makeup, Pinkie Pie is able to jump several feet high. She can skip certain scenes of her own show in order for her scripted lines to be more dramatic. She's even able to gallop at mach 5 speeds, easily keeping up with past Death Battle winner Rainbow Dash."

"You just made that up."

"I wish I did."

"But the Element of Laughter isn't immune to depression. One time, she was so lonely that she used horse meat to make pastries." A short clip of the Cupcakes trailer plays before immediately pausing.

"No, B," W interrupts, "That's been declared non-canon." A giant red circular "non" sign appears over the paused clip.

"Oh,... never mind." The footage goes back to some canon clips from the MLP:FiM show. "Speaking of cannons, Pinkie wields the Party Cannon which can fire party supplies at speeds that could injure most people that get within its range."

"And she's able to create flying apparatuses out of practically nothing."

"This pony," B concludes, "is so random."

A clip of Pinkie Pie imitating a firework finishes the analysis with her shouting, "Woo-HOO!"

W takes the floor, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

"Time for a Death Battle!" B yells.

---Death Battle---

Our stage appears to be some random field with grass and sparingly few trees. This is to ensure neither of their respective homes are destroyed by this battle.

Deadpool points while reading the contents of his talk bubble, "This is my taunt!"

Pinkie Pie lets out a jumping gasp before falling back onto the ground standing just a few feet away from the red jump-suited mercenary.

A red text message is shouted by an announcer before the word disappears just as quickly, "FIGHT!"

Both combatants start talking and yapping at paces faster than our record keeper can keep track of. Although it does eventually end with them both saying, "Oatmeal, are you crazy?"

They run toward each other before releasing their respective martial arts.

Deadpool shouts, "Chimmychanga!"

Pinkie Pie counters, "Chimmycherrychanga!" Interestingly, her extra two syllables allows an extra blow which knocks Deadpool back a few steps. He tries again pulling out his sword in the process shouting, "Katanarama!" This time Pinkie Pie doesn't counterattack. She simply moves agilely out of the way of Deadpool's swings. After that, they jump away from each other.

Both combatants let out a chuckle before pulling out their respective ranged weapons. Deadpool pulls out his pistols while Pinkie Pie pulls her Party Cannon out of thin air.

"Bang! Bang, Bang, Bang! Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang!" Deadpool shouts in rhythm with his bullets. Oddly, his bullets are evenly matched with Pinkie Pie's overpowered cannon shots. Though, various balloon, confetti debris, and bullet shells litter the ground. Upon realizing the even match, Deadpool switches up his strategy.

"Pineapple surprise!" he announces as he tosses an Mk 2 grenade.

"Ooh! I have one of those too!" expressed Pinkie as she tosses a regular pineapple toward the same spot. The resulting explosion is a scatter of pineapple juice everywhere. Deadpool takes the most recent attack in stride with his non-existent plan of action.

"Present for you," he calls as he throws three shuriken toward Pinkie Pie. She smiles as she pulls three, wrapped boxes out of nowhere and tosses them at the incoming ninja stars. Though all three shuriken stop in there tracks, one of the boxes is somehow unwrapped and the contents fly back to Pinkie Pie. It appears to be a remote control. Wait...

No! Pinkie Pie, don't press rewin- (the entire scene happens in reverse order as we return to the moment just after this Battle began.)

"FIGHT!"

"Hey!" Pinkie Pie calls her opponent, "Wanna hang out together?"

Deadpool almost looks thoughtful for a brief moment before replying, "Sure, why not?"

A Mortal Kombat announcer states off-screen, "Friendship," as a rainbow-colored word appears on-screen.

"Friendship? Again?" questions a second announcer.

---Death Battle---

"W,... what the hell just happened?" asked the confused tone of B.

"I'm... not sure, B," said W with a tone that signified he was just as confused. A couple stat screens flash by indicating various advantages both combatants had during the match. A third screen with text on the side shows the same confusion as the hosts by ending with the written question, "Who won?" Some awkward moments of silence pass.

W sighs before announcing the official result.

"This Death Battle is a draw." The screen shows pictures of both combatants side-by-side with the bold word "DRAW" underneath.

---Death Battle---

A/N: I am never doing something like this again. I'll stick to reading other works for a while.
All properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit. Yada yada.

Author's Note

(Oh, gosh. It actually happened.)

The Terror of Trios

A/N: Well, this ought to be interesting. I wasn't too sure about doing battle royales or team battles. But I guess they were bound to happen eventually. I'm afraid some ideas may be left out since it's been nearly forever since I last watched Nightmare Before Christmas. All right here we go.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Square Enix, and Disney.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (9)

---Death Battle---

Woah, nelly! I think the director has finally bitten off more than he can chew. Oh, well. Not my problem. I'm just a figure of his imagination. Take it away, B and W!

Pictures of random children start bombarding the screen.

B opens, "Child labor is a terrible thing, but making them fight each other to the death makes everything better."

W does his own opening, "Today, we're taking two groups of young competitors to see who's teamwork stands superior."

"The Halloween pranksters: Lock, Shock, and Barrel."

"And the Cutie Mark Crusaders: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo."

"He's W and I'm B."

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

Rub a dub, dub. The screen shows three imps in a tub.

"As part-time assistants to Oogie Boogie," starts W, "You can guarantee that Lock, Shock, and Barrel are up to mischief."

"They take pranking WAY beyond eggs and T.P," comments B.

"The trio can usually be found in Halloween Town, although they have been known to invade Christmas Town where they kidnapped Santa Claus."

"Heh, yeah. It takes really skilled professionals to nab a fat guy." B's sarcasm goes unnoticed, as usual. Various stat screens appear as W keeps talking.

"The devil-costumed Lock is considered the leader of the group despite his lower intelligence. His attack of choice is the pumpkin bomb which can explode upon impact or be delayed for a timed explosion. Melee combat is not his strong-suit."

"The witch-costumed Shock is considered the most intelligent of the group and often complains about her friends' stupidity. But her only real attack is a spinning charge, which any sensible Keyblade wielder can counter just by blocking."

"The skeleton-costumed Barrel is deemed Oogie's 'star pupil', though he tends to be the slowest of the group. His attack is a rolling charge which can trip unguarded enemies, leaving them vulnerable to Lock's pumpkin bombs."

"Speaking of those pumpkin bombs, all three of them are weak against the explosions."

"Should their situation get too dangerous, the trio will quickly run for cover requiring someone else to take care of their dirty work."

"If these three are a company, I don't want to see a crowd."

A clip of Lock, Shock, and Barrel shows them saying, "Trick or Treat!" at Santa's doorstop.

---Death Battle---

A yellow earth pony filly with a ribbon, a white unicorn filly, and an orange Pegasus filly wearing a helmet all take up the screen after the title card splits.

"Aw, they're so cute," says B, "Wait, I mean where's my gun? I need to shoot something."

"Pledged to find out what their special talents are and figure out who they are, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo form the Cutie Mark Crusaders," says W, "Each has a cape made from golden silk underlinings which symbolize their crusade."

"They were supposed to be a secret organization, but then they go shouting their name wherever they go."

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" confirms a clip of their audio. Stat screens appear as W begins further details.

"Although they constantly go on various adventures to discover their place in the world, outside observers can easily identify what each is best at. Apple Bloom is a designer and architect. Sweetie Belle's singing is considered the best voice in Equestria. Scootaloo is an avid scooter trick pro and dance step expert."

"But in their group performance, they all chose the wrong tasks. It led to them winning 'best comedy' even though they weren't entered in that category."

"To add insult to injury, Sweetie Belle's magic has yet to surface and Scootaloo's flying strength is mediocre at best.
And although Apple Bloom isn't afraid to speak her mind, she sometimes lies to get out of jams."

"Hey, W!"

"What?"

"DEATH BATTLE DUO ANNOUNCERS!"

"...No."

"Aww."

The last clip before the title card shows the Crusaders together saying, "Whatever we do, we'll do it together as... the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" before bumping hooves.

---Death Battle---

As with any Death Battle, W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B says, "But first, I'm going to collect my dues from Gamefly."

"But B, I already collected them."

"Netflix?"

"Got them."

"Square Space?"

"Yes."

"Campaign against drunk driving?"

"Already got those too."

"Oh... well in that case, it's time for a team Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The background appears to be a fairly open graveyard with a couple dying trees on either side of the screen. A living bathtub walks in from the right carrying the mischief-makers of Halloween Town.

"What's that?" Barrel asks while pointing to the left of the screen. As Lock and Shock take a look, a low buzzing noise is heard as three fillies come in riding on a blue scooter and a red wagon. They come to a braking halt.

"Well," huffs Scootaloo, "if those aren't faces only mothers could love."

"Scootaloo! Don't be mean," criticizes Sweetie Belle.

"FIGHT!"

"Hey, Lock!" Shock calls before whispering something in his ear. The little red devil chuckles before tossing a pumpkin at the fillies.

"Augh!" the two fillies in the wagon scream as they jump out. The Pegasus filly somehow drives her scooter away having detached from the wagon off screen. The pumpkin explodes upon contact with the wagon. The resulting boom sends the wagon flying into the distance.

"What was that for?" yells an angry Apple Bloom.

"Bombs away!" shouts the opposing trio. Lock throws a barrage of delayed pumpkin bombs as well as an instant one that almost catches the unicorn filly by the hind hooves. The Crusaders take cover behind a dead tree as explosions rain all around.

"What do we do now?" asks a worried Sweetie Belle. The farmer pony seems to ponder the question before a mental light bulb flicks on.

"I got it!" Apple Bloom shouts, "Girls! Our comedy routine!"

"Huh?" ask the other two confused fillies. But then it dawns on them. "Oh!"

The imp trio is snickering from the safety of their bathtub. They even take off their masks for two seconds to laugh before putting them back on. The sound of an electronic keyboard interrupts their fits of laughter.

"Where's that music coming from?" asks Lock. The other two don't have an answer. Instead, the answer comes from behind the tree as the orange Pegasus filly appears first. She's followed by her friends.

Look here! Our three little ponies
Ready to sing for this crowd.
Listen up, 'cause here's our story.
I'm going to sing it very LOUD!

Scootaloo's singing voice is so off-key, that the kick*ss electric guitar solo in the background is completely ignored. Lock, Shock, and Barrel cover their ears in agony. Covering his ears throws off Lock's aim as his next pumpkin bomb doesn't come anywhere near the Crusaders. Rather, it explodes upon impact with one of the tree branches. The blast seems to have weakened its hold on the rest of the tree.

"Ergh! Come on, you idiots!" shouts Shock to her allies, "We have to stop that horrible noise." She and Barrel hop out of the tub and charge at the fillies.

They all say that you'll get your mark
When the time is really right
And you know just what you're supposed to do
And your talent comes to light

The awfully bad singing throws off the aims of Shock's spinning charge and Barrel's rolling charge. Scootaloo easily sidesteps out of their way.

But it's not as easy as it sounds
And that waiting's hard to do
So we test our talents everywhere
Until our face is blue.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are both throwing kicks with the few martial arts moves they know. One of their kicks actually connect with the oncoming Shock and Barrel. It knocks them right back to the tub they were in at the start. Lock is slightly dazed at the re-entry of his partners, still holding a delayed reaction pumpkin bomb in his hand.

We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
And we will never stop the journey
Not until we have out cutie marks!

We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders
On a quest to find out who we are
And we will never stop the journey
Not until we have out cutie MARKS!

As Scootaloo shouts the last word of the Crusaders' song, the weakened branch from earlier finally breaks and falls on top of the three little ponies. The trio in the tub laugh evilly.

"Wait," says Barrel, "How long have you been holding that?" All three look at the bomb currently in Lock's hand. It's yellow counter reads "2... 1... 0."

"You idiot," mutters Shock. The pumpkin explodes and all three are sent flying into the distance. There's even a star twinkle as they leave the camera's view.

Meanwhile, the three fillies manage to wiggle themselves out from underneath the fallen branch. Some light brown, sticky stuff is covering them from head to hoof.

"Every pony okay?" asks Apple Bloom.

"Oh, not again," murmurs Scootaloo, taking notice that she and her friends are covered in tree sap.

"Did we get our 'beat the bad kids' cutie marks?" asks Sweetie Belle hopefully. They each look at their respective flanks. Not surprisingly, they're all still blank save for the splotches of tree sap.

"Aww," all three sigh.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

"Rest in peace headphone users," apologizes B, "Rest in peace." Stats regarding the battle appear onscreen.

"Lock, Shock, and Barrel may have had superior fire power," reflects W, "But their strategy ultimately relies on Lock, who doesn't exactly hold the team's full IQ. As a result, they were unprepared for any form of counterattack. Easily, the Cutie Mark Crusaders caught their opponents off guard with Scootaloo's terrible singing, and the other two's terrible dancing."

"Meh, I guess it beats Rebecca Black's Friday."

"The winners are the Cutie Mark Crusaders." The screen shows picture of the three fillies with bold letters "CMC" underneath.

---Death Battle---

The usual credits play as the show ends for the day.

A/N: Wow, I saw some pretty cool ideas for future Death Battles in the comments. I'll use some of those. But like I said in the story summary's second edit, I have some things that may prevent regularly updating. That being said, thanks for reading, everybody.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Catch you on the flip side!

Knight vs. Castle (AKA Mistake Chapter 2)

A/N: I changed my mind (as I often do). Maybe I'll squeeze in a few more fights before the 3rd season even starts.
If joshscorcher AKA the Fiery Joker ever read this chapter, he'd kill me.
...

Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (20)

---Death Battle---

MLP: FiM character: check.
Kefka: check.
Overpowering one of the characters so they'll win this battle: check.
Okay, we're good to go.

Various clips of media fill the screen.

"You know, W," says B, "There are some times I wonder why we keep on living."

"You're not the only one, B," says W, "Kefka Palazzo also found life to be empty at times. Today we're pitting him against the honor bound Captain of the Royal Guard: Shining Armor."

B sighs, "Another day, another pony waiting for the slaughter."

"He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."

---Death Battle---

A picture is shown of a clown that has way too many clothing types and colors for one outfit.

"Lord Kefka Palazzo is a loud-mouthed maniac and bringer of destruction," introduces W, "Starting out as a lowly mage for Emperor Gestahl, he eventually seized control of the Warring Triad and became the god of magic."

"What is it with Final Fantasy antagonists and turning into evil archangels?" ponders B. Various stats appear on screen as W continues talking.

"Nicknamed the 'Psycho Clown', Kefka has a dark sense of humor and a complete disregard for human life. He can only find pleasure in killing and torturing others solidifying his label of psychopath."

"I'm liking this guy."

"His last name 'Palazzo' is Italian for palace, mansion, or castle."

"So... what? Does he live inside himself?"

"Kefka's powers are inconsistent with each of his appearances. This may be due to the fact that he absorbs the strength from espers, or dead mage souls. His magical abilities are quite versatile ranging from manipulation of elements such as fire and ice to warping reality by creating illusions, using telekinesis, and banishing enemies. As a side note, he wields a Morning Star spiked mace for melee attacks."

"Plus, who laughs like this?"

A scene showing Kefka cackling high-pitched and in 8 bits is shown.

---Death Battle---

A white unicorn stallion with a blue mane and purple-to-gold armor enters the screen as the title card splits.

W introduces, "Shining Armor is the Captain of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard and is the elder brother of Twilight Sparkle. He is the husband of Princess Cadance."

"And he'll soon be Kefka's new toy horse," comments B. Stats appear to the right of the visuals as W continues.

"Shining Armor's magic is mostly defensive as depicted by his shield and star cutie mark."

"Bah ha ha ha ha! Cutie mark! That sounds ridiculous."

"Um... B, I don't know how to break this to you but nearly all of the ponies in Equestria have cutie marks. The exceptions are the fillies that have yet to discover their special talents."

"Wait... seriously? But that sounds so stupid. They have these cool butt tattoos and all the best name they came up with was 'cutie mark'? I don't even know."

"Anyway, as I was saying, Shining Armor can conjure defensive spells to the point of creating a giant shield with a radius spanning over the entire city of Canterlot. This spell can be altered to act as a repellant spell against evil and dark enemies."

"Too bad when he uses large scale spells, he gets a migraine."

"Should true love enter his heart, his magical power increases exponentially."

"Expecto Patronum!"

"... You've already used that joke."

"I don't care."

A scene shows a touching brother-sister moment where Shining Armor says, "Love you, Twily."
Twilight Sparkle responds, "Love you too, BBBFF."

---Death Battle---

W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."

B yells, "It's time for a Death Battle!"

---Death Battle---

The setting looks like a cross between castle high-walls and heavenly skies. A fully armored stallion enters the area as an overly gaudy dressed clown comes into camera view from the opposite side.

"Life... Dreams... Hope... Where do they come from and where do they go?" ponders Kefka.

"FIGHT!"

The god of magic starts altering the colors of the screen ranging from black to red to blue as the motion picture seems to vibrate. While nothing seems to be directly hitting the Royal Guard Captain, he does appear unsettled. He takes off his helmet before casting small, red spell shields in an attempt to reduce the damage from Kefka's unusual attacks.

These shields only manage to throw off the various ice and fire spells that Kefka launches in Shining Armor's direction. The reality warping attacks, like Forsaken, still do some unseen damage on the unicorn internally painful and mentally. He appears to be breathing harder before collapsing to his knees.

"Why cling to life, knowing that you have to die?" asks Kefka out loud.

The Captain is lying down barely breathing. Darkness overtakes the camera view.

My love for you will give you strength.

Shining Armor suddenly stands up after remembering the encouragement from his one true love. A white light starts spiraling around him enhancing his natural red aura of magic. His eyes open to reveal full-white light.

Kefka takes his true, fallen angel form.

The white light suddenly spreads out in all directions. As it collides with the god of magic, he gets forced backwards through this plane of existence. He starts falling out of camera view with nary a word. Kefka, we barely knew ye.

The screen returns to its default colors and Shining Armor stands tall. Although, he then raises a hoof to his head as if he has a headache.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

B tries a chess pun, "Knight takes Castle. That's checkmate!"

W reflects, "Kefka may have had the advantage initially, but he lacked any true motivation to kill his enemy. He tends to focus on toying with and torturing his foes before finishing them off. However, Shining Armor's burning love for Cadance gave him the strength necessary to overcome the evil that he was faced with."

"Kefka's reign of terror was over before it began."

"The winner is Shining Armor." A picture showing Shining Armor in his red wedding outfit is shown as well as his name printed boldly underneath.

---Death Battle---

"Next time on Death Battle..." announces B.

Bold phrases appear on screen and then fade away.

Slayer of deities...

Harbinger of the Apocalypse...

God of War...

Alleged son of Zeus...

He is the Ghost of Sparta...

A somewhat faded image of a man with a red face tattoo appears before the screen becomes black again.

"My arms aren't usually this long either." Who said that?

---Death Battle---

Credits roll and the Death Battle closing theme plays.

Author's Note

Yeah, I get the feeling that hate messages are on the way. Fiery Joker is going to sue.
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. FLAME SHIELDS UP!

This is MY book and I'm going to read it!

A/N: Please make sure that setting in the upper right is set to "Dark" and not "Light". Thank you.

I'm going to do a book. *Finds an engaging story.* WOAH!
Well, I'm going to do an internet. *clicks* Augh! Porn again? No thanks.
Grab a seat. If you're already in a seat... good for you.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Square Enix.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(2)

School's in session and you know what that means. It's time for more deadweight textbooks. Hooray... (I'm not fooling anyone with this fake enthusiasm).

Pictures of law school students, spell casters, and pens to paper fill the screen.

Even as the internet slowly absorbs the human population, books remain a valuable source of information.

You could even say that they're the main weapons of today's challengers.

Twilight Sparkle of the G4 unicorn ponies...

... will face Zexion the Shadow-Walking Schemer.

I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Twilight Sparkle
-Element of Magic
-Student under Princess Celestia of Equestria
-Intelligent, organized, and well-read
-Diverse understanding of magic
-Plethora of spells: shields, teleportation, levitation, illumination, conjuration, transformation, magic missiles, etc.
-Has moments of OCD

Born and raised in the city of Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle has a natural gift in magic. She has been chosen by the Element of Harmony: Magic and even her cutie mark depicts magic as her specialty.

Her spell casting covers a large variety of different spells. These include but aren't limited to teleportation, levitation, illumination, object conjuration, object transformation, magical shield defense, and magical stun bolts for offense.

It's also worth noting how she's capable of copying spells from other magic users such as when she used Rarity's gem-finding spell. This indicates that she can pick up new spells with ease.

She's also a bit of a geek.

"The square root of 546 is 23.36664289109."

"She is correct."

Despite her birthplace being in the upper class, Twilight eventually settled in Ponyville and made five close friends who were joined by destiny as the other five bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

You'd think having a big brother and a babysitter would give her an incentive to be more social, but I guess the books called to her louder.

While she was personally chosen as Princess Celestia's student, Twilight still worries about potential repercussions for any and every small imperfection.

Seriously, she made the whole town fall for a rag doll just so she could turn in one homework assignment? ...okay.

And while some of her spells were shaky at first, she's managed to perfect her teleportation to the point of transmitting as many as four living organisms in one trip.

She's an ubernicorn!

What?

"Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

---Death Battle---

Zexion
-No. VI of Org. XIII
-Intelligent, manipulative, and usually quiet
-Weapon: Lexicon (looks like a book)
-Master of illusions and some dark magic
-Can sense entities of darkness better than other Org. members
-Physically lacking in strength

Aside from Roxas, Zexion is quite possibly the youngest member of Organization XIII.

Turning into a Nobody didn't do a whole lot for his social life. He's still a shut-in that hits the books.

In fact, his weapon of choice is a type of book called a Lexicon: a dictionary primarily composed of Greek, Hebrew, Syriac, or Arabic language.

You know you're having a bad day when someone smacks you upside the head with a dictionary. Hell, Zexion even sometimes uses his as a short-ranged boomerang.

Since his weapon and melee combat experience are considerably weaker than his fellow Nobodies, Zexion relies on cleverness, sneakiness, and illusion magic. He can alter his appearance to resemble another person's friend provided that he has the available data on them. He can even manipulate his enemy's mind to the point that he can copy their memories and use their attacks against them.

The only good way to dispel his illusions is by giving him a good smack. (Kissing joke!)

His manipulation of his opponents' senses doesn't stop there. He can literally lock an opponent inside a large duplicate of his Lexicon, trapping them in an alternate plane of existence.

While there, the enemy has access to pages filled with... health and magic restoring orbs? Uh... Oh, right! They're also under constant attack by floating books and fire. Hah, just like my days in elementary school.

You had a strange childhood. Anyway, the world isn't escape-proof. If Zexion suffers too much damage while maintaining the dimension, he and his victim are forced back into the real world and he's temporarily stunned. This leaves him wide open to Keyblade combos.

Still, you have to give the kid credit for being persistent. Once he's caught his breath, he typically sends the Keyblade wielder into that book universe again but with a slight twist. Spotlights, meteors, and force fields, oh my!

And he can summon a similar meteor-based attack when his health gets too low.

"You brought this upon yourself!"

The only downside is that he can't aim this one. Seriously, the safest thing for an enemy to do with that one is to just stand still. (And let B have his way with you, baby.)

B!

W-wha? I wasn't doing anything arousing! I don't know what you're talking about!

"The Organization used to be the rope that binds us... and now it's full of kinks."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

But first a little shout-out to our friends at Hard News. Bringing you the latest updates in video game related news since 2008. And now it's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

There appears to be a rather dark thunderstorm yet the only damage it is doing to the island on screen is by strong winds. A white spark of light shines on one edge of the island. It quickly fades away to reveal Twilight Sparkle. On the opposite side of the island, a darkness corridor opens up and reveals a young man with blue hair. The book in his hand floats and flips rapidly through its pages before resting back in Zexion's grasp.

FIGHT!

Scoffing once, Zexion floats his lexicon in front of himself and open toward his opponent. A chartreuse pattern of light shines from the open page. Twilight suddenly feels her entire body being compressed as a similar book appears behind her. The camera's view of her is obscured by smoke. As she screams in fright, the smoke clears to a closed book. It opens to a page that holds all text on one side. On the opposite page is a picture of a standing Twilight Sparkle. Zexion laughs curtly as the screen fades to black.

As the visual returns, Twilight is standing in a black abyss. A lexicon flies from a random direction and whacks her. Several other books of the same design float around this realm. As she looks around at all of them, Twilight is hit by a passing pillar of fire that appears seemingly out of nowhere. Her coat shows signs of burns in various places.

Some of the floating books start to surround her and attempt to gang up on her. Twilight responds by creating her magenta, magic barrier. All of the books bounce off the shield. Twilight notices that one of the books actually yelped upon being touched. She focuses her attention on that one floating book and starts firing bolts of magic at it. The book continues to yell out as if in pain. After a few more shots, the book opens with its pages down as Zexion's voice is heard groaning.

The spacious world clears away to reveal the island again. Zexion is crouching in a daze. Twilight seizes the opportunity and fires off more magical bolts. Zexion cries out at each impact. Eventually, though, he's sufficiently recuperated and starts running around. He dodge rolls around a few of the magic projectiles until he's closer to his opponent. He goes on the offensive by swinging his book at her.

Paper cuts don't do Twilight's first-degree burns any favors and she's wincing in pain. Zexion recovers his momentum and opens his lexicon. He lights up his chartreuse pattern again. A flash of white light causes Twilight to vanish before Zexion can complete his work. Another flash and Twilight reappears behind Zexion. She starts to gallop forward, but unfortunately for her, Zexion turns around and completes his initial attack. Once more, she's sent screaming into a book with her as the only illustration. The screen blacks out again.

This time, the empty realm is slightly different. Twilight is standing in the center of three spotlights. Two of them are red. The third is blue and a book is suspended midair within the light. Curious, Twilight watches as the book and blue spotlight seem to shuffle around with the red spotlights. Though she's not entirely sure what's going on, she has a hunch that this book is the illusion that Zexion hides behind. As the spotlight shuffling slows down, she disappears in her teleport flash. As the blue light stops, she reappears right below the book.

A tall force field of stagnated white light surrounds her and the book as large meteors rain down all around it. Twilight starts firing bolts of magic at the book and it grunts in Zexion's voice with each hit. Eventually, the meteor shower passes and Twilight finds herself in the first version of Zexion's empty realm.

Suddenly, a stationary floating book obscures Twilight's vision and encourages her to press "X", whatever that is. With a few jerks of her mind, she "flips" through the book's pages. Green orbs, clear orbs, and yellow orbs fly out of the book before being absorbed by her body. These seem to remove her burning pains and help clear her head. She also feels richer for some reason that she can't put her hoof on. But now's not the time to worry about financial issues.

The flock of books is back and floats around menacingly. Twilight decides to try something different and focuses her magic hold on all of the books at once. She levitates them in close and starts smacking them against each other. A few shred into non-existent pages, but one of the books lets out a yelp in Zexion's voice. She fires one more bolt of magic at that book and it opens page-side down.

Zexion groans as the island is brought back into visual. Sticking to what she knows, Twilight fires another magic missile at the dizzy Nobody. As he stands back up, his eyes gleam with vengeance. He holds his lexicon open in one palm as he holds out his other hand.

"You brought this upon yourself!" he declares. Dark purple meteors rain down from above. Reacting on impulse, Twilight activates her magical barrier again. With the meteor threat averted, she starts galloping toward her opponent.

Desperate to use his illusion again, Zexion sets up his lexicon's open-faced symbol and points it at the incoming unicorn. Twilight has other plans, however, and surrounds the book in her magic glow. Zexion is caught off guard when his weapon turns around and is open toward himself. Smoke covers the view as he is sucked up into his own attack. The book comically opens to show an illustration of Zexion.

Charging up everything she's got, Twilight fires one last blast of magic at the open book. The explosion scatters all the pages and they are caught up by the island's windstorm. An empty book cover falls to the ground as Twilight lets out a nervous chuckle.

"Whoops, he he. Sorry."

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

I knew it! Books are bad for you!

Zexion is a clever illusionist. There's no doubt about that. However, his stronger attacks are tedious and predictable. While Twilight's not exactly a warrior herself, she is willing to take different actions when the situation calls for them.

Plus, it wasn't exactly a good call on Zexion's part to give Twilight a means to restore her health and magic points.

Yes, revitalizing Twilight in the middle of the battle proved to give her enough resources to turn the tides of battle in her favor. Zexion might have had stood a chance if he had prior data on Twilight to access his memory-based powers. However, if we had allowed him to obtain this data, then we would have also given Twilight time to study him.

They really hit the books in this battle.

The winner is Twilight Sparkle.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

Seriously?

You people wanted this guy to come back?

Oh, come now, my little director. It'll be fun.

Your definition of "fun" is exactly what I'm worried about.

A/N: Ergh, mmph! *Struggles free of combatant's embrace* The things I do for entertainment...
This work is non-profit.

Side Battle: Strangers, Curtains, and Courage

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Nintendo, and Io.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

You don’t even know how many hours of sleep I lost on the research of The Blue Stranger, The Red Curtain alone. I… *flop* zzzz…

The sword is a rather iconic weapon of the hero’s journey. Anyone can pick one up and swing it, but it takes years of practice and honing to master it.

F exhales some smoke.

It’s been used as both a savior of lands and a tool of revenge. Today marks the clash of those opposing ideals.

The legendary killer Aoi shall cross blades with Link, the hero of Hyrule.

I wonder which “lazy pony” came up with that idea?

He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Aoi
-Full name: Aoi Myoujin
-Anthro wolf (formerly human)
-Swordsman and swordsmith
-Wushu martial arts and movement anticipation
-Wields the katana “Kokuryū no saishū-bin” (Last Flight of the Black Dragon)
-Special attacks include Zantetsuken, Tsuibangeki, Kami no Mukui, Tengoku no Girochin, and Shinigami no Toiki
-Can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building
-Can’t beat S.W.A.T.

I must say that The Blue Stranger, the Red Curtain has a way of confusing the reader something fierce. You’ve got a setting with at least three different characters. Somebody says something, but you can’t tell who is saying it because that quote is right next to a different character’s actions.

F, we’re not here to be story critics. We’re supposed to be explaining who this guy is and what he can bring to a fight.

Fine, whatever. Go ahead and do that, N.

Aoi Myoujin is a 24-year old former human. Even though he didn’t start a formal education until the age of 13, he did study various subjects prior to that. Due to his parents death at a young age, he took up residency at one of the Asura provincial shrines. He studied kendo under the master Ryo Misuru for three years and picked up several Wushu martial arts while studying abroad in China.

Some private agency from the U.S. hired him as a contract killer. But after taking vengeance on one particular criminal, he must have gotten attention in the wrong way because the SWAT was soon on top of his **s.

A mysterious stranger offered Aoi a chance at a new life. When he next awoke, he was in Equestria and had been transformed into an anthro wolf. The Chessverse had acquired a new piece.

This wolf’s skillset is crazy. Not only can he smith swords, but he can slice and dice opponents with next to no effort.

His weapon of choice is a katana called Kokuryū no saishū-bin, “The Last Flight of the Black Dragon”. It was forged from a combination of steel and one scale from the first dragon that Aoi ever slayed. This powerful blade complements his special attacks such as the chain-cutting Zantetsuken, the earth-shattering Tsuibangeki, the far-reaching Shinigami no Toiki, and the silent but deadly Muon-Gatana. That attack literally creates a vacuum behind its swing.

Did I mention this guy can survive a fall from the top of a 20-story building?!

He’s certainly impressive in the battlefield. He doesn’t let his colorblind, blue eye bother him. Despite his killing potential, he does have some morals such as allowing his allies deliver the judgment upon their enemies. Thus, he was able to gain the trust of Keith and Eol fairly easily.

Even though Equestrians don’t normally wear clothes, Aoi prefers to wear a traditional Japanese dobuku.

And according to Eol, Aoi may very well fit the description of the legendary white wolf that shall lead his people to freedom against the tyranny of the dragons.

Well, if nothing else, I’m sure that someone will interpret his crush on Rainbow Dash as a reason to write more clop.

You just had to ruin the momentum. Didn’t you?

“Watashi wa Aoi Myoujin gozen.”

---Death Battle---

Link
-Human with the appearance of an elven race
-Marked with the Triforce of Courage
-Wields the Master Sword
-Boomerang, bombs, hookshot, Hero’s bow and arrows: regular, light, ice, bomb
-Red ring: +75% defense; Golden gauntlets: can withstand 1000+ tons of pressure; iron boots: enable Link to hold his ground against a Goron; Pegasus Boots: increased speed and jumping height
-Hylian Shield is indestructible
-10 generations worth of battle experience
-Relies on inventory more often than actual strategy

Link is the legendary, multi-incarnate hero of the Hyrule Kingdom. He has battled the forces of evil for over ten generations.

Each boy in a green tunic is “Linked” to each other by the Spirit of the Hero. This grants him the strength and combat prowess of his previous generations. He is a master of all kinds of weapons and magic. Specifically, he wields the iconic Master Sword.

The Master Sword is a double-edged blade created by the goddess Hylia for the sole purpose of repelling evil. It can deflect light-based attacks and shoot beams of light energy when Link is at full strength.

I’m not sure why that beam attack disappears after he takes a hit, but it can still use the Skyward Strike when he needs it.

Additionally, the sword draws magical energy from three medallions. However, the Master Sword is only his first weapon.

Yeah, this guy’s unreal pockets hold a hookshot that can grab vine walls or bring loose objects to him. He also carries a crap-ton of bombs, the Gale Boomerang, the Hero’s Bow and another crap-ton of arrows of various types.

To defend himself, Link wears several different items. The Red Ring boosts his defense by seventy-five percent. The Hylian Shield is indestructible and can withstand any attack of any type. The Golden Gauntlets increase his endurance and lifting strength. He also carries three different types of boots.

I’ll never understand how this guy can take off and put on shoes so fast. His Hover Boots allow him to stand in midair. The Iron Boots weigh over 130 pounds. The Pegasus Boots increase his jumping and running speed to superhuman levels.

The goddesses have also granted help to Link in the form of the Triforce of Courage. It allows him to overcome impossible odds, solve temple-sized puzzles, increase his reaction time with Z-targeting, and the strength to throw a Goron with ease.

His puzzle-solving allows him to exploit enemy weaknesses even when there is only one such weakness.

Link heavily relies on his arsenal and rarely plans ahead before a fight.

But that’s hardly ever a problem. I mean look at this guy wielding a sword twice his weight against an enemy three times his size!

There is no doubt that Link is a hero of the ages.

The Hero of Time!

In lieu of a quote, a scene is shown of Link opening an item chest.

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you in part by Sparkle Cola. Giving us all radiation poisoning 0.1% at a time. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

The camera pans out to view a large, open forest. Both combatants unsheathe their blades and stand at the ready. A lens flare blinds the cameraman before the bold red letters appear.

“FIGHT!”

The blonde in green starts running forward. The white wolf does as well, though with quicker footfalls and a slightly faster pace. He suddenly stops in place and holds his blade out to the side.

Shinigami no Toiki

With a split-second sweep, the trunks of several trees around Aoi start to timber. Link’s Hylian Shield is being held in front of himself. That saved him from the wide radius decapitation.

Link uses the noise of the trees collapsing to hide his sidesteps. He rolls around behind and delivers an upper slash at the wolf. Cut, but not beaten, Aoi quickly retaliates with a flurry of sword stabs and slashes. Although Link is forced to step back, he manages to block the onslaught with a combination of his shield and the Master Sword.

Muon-Gatana

Aoi’s next strike with Kokuryū no saishū-bin is too quiet for the audience to hear. There is a small pocket of air forming around the blade that leaves the space behind it empty. The force of the strike forces Link back a few feet, shield still taking the brunt of the blow.

At this distance, Link pulls out the Hero’s Bow and starts firing a volley of arrows. The projectiles’ speed is slowed down cinematically to allow us to see how Aoi sees them. He dodges a couple arrows to the right and a couple more to the left. He reaches up his hand-paw and catches the fifth arrow launched. Mockingly, he throws it back to its sender.

Link’s shield deflects the arrow, but this gives time for Aoi to start hopping through tree branches. In an instant, Link is wearing the Pegasus Boots and starts matching his opponent’s quick pace. With Z-target aiming, he hurls his Gale Boomerang. It’s tornado-like force grabs a large, loose branch and heads straight for Aoi.

The white wolf notices this. In a surprise move, he presses a foot against the tree in front of him and launches himself facing the boomerang and its cargo.

Tengoku no Girochin

He spins in the air while reaching his katana outward. The spinning slash cuts right through the incoming attack. The tornado is reduced to a small gust. The boomerang is in two pieces. The wood it was carrying is in splinters.

Link makes a daring leap toward the airborn Aoi. His Master Sword is held straight in front of him. Aoi, however, makes a midair somersault. He aims Kokuryū straight below him and on top of Link.

Tsuibangeki

The warriors immediately descend vertically. Upon impact with the ground, much of the rocky floor is cracked and displaced.

“Augh!”

As the dust clears, we see that Link’s eyes are closed. A drip of blood runs over his bottom lip.

Aoi gets up, sheathes his katana, and starts to walk away. The camera starts to zoom out from Link. His sword his held off to the side. His shield is held with his other hand over himself.

His eyes snap open.

Slowly, he pushes himself back to his feet. Grunting, he pulls out his bow again and fires an arrow in the departing wolf’s direction.

Aoi doesn’t even flinch as he catches this arrow in his paw. Though, his red and blue eyes quickly open wide. A strange hissing noise is emitting from the arrow’s tip.

The explosion takes away his clenched paw and sends him hurtling head over heels.

Link fires one last arrow. This one creates a layer of ice that surrounds Aoi on contact. With the Pegasus Boots still equipped, the hero of Hyrule quickly runs over and makes a flying leap. He aims his sword tip down.

“Sayaa!”

The ice shatters away. The wolf coughs blood.

…

As Link pulls his sword out, Aoi manages to choke up one last statement.

“You just… gave me… the most difficult fight… I ever had… and I *cough* loved every second of it. Thank you.”

Link simply nods once in response. He swings his blade a couple times to shake the blood off. He then sheathes the Master Sword and turns to leave.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Quick, call P.E.T.A.! Wolf down! Wolf down!

There’s no denying that Aoi is a powerful and precise fighter. The slaying of dragons by himself is no small feat. However, Link has also defeated enemies of similar magnitude.

But… samurai sword… dragon’s aura… what?

Aoi has been training to fight for his entire life. There’s no doubt that Link would have difficulty. But since Aoi’s been training for his whole life, his strategy was straightforward and more predictable.

Link’s strategy, however, goes beyond simple swordplay and depends on digging into his deep pockets for his vast arsenal of unpredictable items. And even though Aoi doesn’t take fall damage, that little convenience doesn’t protect his body from stab wounds, bomb fire, and freezing.

Though Aoi has sword attacks that are impressive and destructive, the guys of the real Death Battle have proven that Link would be able to withstand similar power house attacks from the likes of Cloud.

Looks like the Red Curtain’s been pulled on this Blue Stranger.

The winner is Link.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

“If it’s that important to you, I’ll do it.”

…

“My heart is still pounding.”

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

Oh man. Did I ever make a mistake putting myself into this corner or what? It was hard just to skim through the chapters, figuring out which tactics really fit a style that would be fair. Though, I have to say that Link's shield plus golden gauntlets are pretty difficult to overcome with flashy force alone.

For the potential hatred from the people that will say, "Why didn't you include such-and-such? With that, Aoi would have won!" allow me to retort.

I summon the Millenium Flame Shield in Defense Position!

If it makes you feel any better, my imaginary money is on Aoi winning Y and A's Death Battle Tournament.

Side Battle: Treble With A Capital Mr. T

A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you.
…
If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here.
…

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, kanashiipanda, JoaftheLoaf, and several other people (sorry for forgetting your names).

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For
Season 2
(?)

~It’s the eye of the tiger. It’s the thrill of the night. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.~

F lights a cigarette.

When the fans believe that the show itself has provided lackluster information, they create their own back stories and personas for otherwise canon characters.

Entering the arena today is a combination of aspects from the various interpretations of Octavia.

She’ll be facing a combination of interpretations of the assertiveness trainer Iron Will. If you don’t like either of these character’s given statistics, just try and flame me.

F conjures some fireballs over his hooves while grinning madly.

I can flame harder.

He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Octavia
-An excellent cellist that also sings fairly well
-Raised with the class level of Canterlot
-Roommate of Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ-P0n3 in Ponyville
-High level of martial arts
-Improvises use of the surrounding environment
-Hidden bowstring-blades
-Has difficulty tolerating high noise levels (specifically wubs)

From the beginning of Season 1 to the end of Season 3, Octavia has only had two official appearances. Both of which were as a cellist during special events held in Canterlot.

Yet for some reason, a common consensus among the fandom is that she lives in Ponyville. Adding to the strings they pull, she often ends up as the roommate of Vinyl Scratch or DJ-P0n3.

In order to deal with this pony whose favorite music is dub step, Octavia has had to overcome her low tolerance of loud noises. This is especially true when Vinyl uses ‘wubs’ to run the dishwasher.

Awesome! Where can I get a wub dishwasher?

The fans have also given Octavia a fairly good singing voice that she can maintain while she’s simultaneously playing her cello.

Though the most left-field aspect of her personality has to be in her assigned family history.

It appears that Octavia is interpreted as a descendant of a long line of assassins. This has granted her a high level of hoof-to-hoof combat and a greater awareness of the environment around her.

Her assassin ancestry also left her with two of the most outlandish weapons I’ve ever seen: the hidden bowstring-blades.

With a precise flick of her fore hooves, she can reveal these stringed weapons with the same ease as the Brotherhood’s assassins with their hidden blades. Although Octavia’s aren’t any good for stabbing, the strings can cut skin pretty deeply with the right slicing motion.

All right, fandom. I approve the bad**s Octavia that you’ve created.

“Born strong, believe none. Dying over broken dreams. Born strong and raised with class. Oh, yeah!”

---Death Battle---

Iron Will
-Minotaur
-Wears a tie and microphone
-High upper-arm strength and quick poses
-Is a gentleman and a reasonable businessman
-Has been interpreted as the one in charge of a correctional facility where Lightning Dust was turned around
-Essence of Mr. T and Mr. Satan
-Has goats for assistants

Iron Will appeared in one episode of Season 2 as a trainer for assertiveness seminars. He is a minotaur. In Greek mythology, the minotaur was a creature with the body of a man and the head of a bull. It was said that it guarded the center of the Cretan Labyrinth.

The minotaur’s weakness comes in the form of a man named Theseus. So, I guess Iron Will’s safe in this battle.

I wouldn’t be too sure about that, F.

What do you mean?

Well, it’s true that minotaurs have huge muscles and plenty of strength in their upper bodies. It’s also true that Iron Will can pick up and drop a pony without even sweating. But this doesn’t take into account that he can be outsmarted.

Yeah, that’s true. In a battle of word games with both Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, Iron Will lost against both of them. He’s also an honest and fair businessman in spite of his intimidating appearance. Also, he talks to goats. Who in their right mind talks to goats, let alone makes them his assistants?

Anyway, after failing to collect payment from Fluttershy, the fans have speculated that Iron Will went on to work with the Wonderbolt Academy rehabilitation. There, he tries to get ponies off of their high horse and convince them to be more considerate toward the world around them.

Well, there must be something to that line of work. I mean, look at how it changed the ego of Lightning Dust.

“Hello there, little forest critters! I brought some apples for everyone to snack on. Oh, I just love all of you little critters!”

“Hey, Rainbow, ain’t that-?”

“Never seen her before in my life.”

0_0

O_o

Well… that happened.

“Don’t be shy. Look ‘em in the eye.”

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.

This episode was brought to you in part by Neon Lights. Always remember: Shady could do it better. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

---Death Battle---

A faint, but rapid booming can be heard as the camera pans across a newly reconstructed replica of Ponyville. This booming noise gets louder and louder. Finally, the camera zooms in on a window that contains a light that would give epilepsy patients a seizure. Seriously, I have to look away from that intensely rainbow-colored light show just to reduce my headache.

The window crashes outwards as a white mare with a sparked-up mane tosses something down. The object’s strings snap out of place while chips of wood crack off the frame.

“Vinyl!” calls an off screen voice, “Why would you do that?!”

Vinyl matches the time of putting on her sunglasses with her pause. “Because I was… dropping the bass.”

“First, that’s not funny and second, that’s a cello!” yells the other voice, “Urgh!”

The door to the house opens as a grumbling, gray mare trots out. She lets out a whimpering moan as she looks at the sad sight. This isn’t a simple touch-up scratch that her roommate inflicts on her cello every month. This time, the instrument is broken beyond repair. She could cry right now.

“You are a pony with a problem!”

The sudden baritone declaration snaps Octavia to attention. As she looks up, her watery eyes change to a look of confusion. The newcomer steps down from his goats that he was using as pedestals. He is a large blue minotaur wearing a tie and… a microphone(?).

“Letting some pony walk all over you? Let me show you what some pony with backbone can do!”

Is that a challenge? Octavia can’t tell. She tilts her head in befuddlement.

“FIGHT!”

With a bellowing cry, Iron Will charges forward head-first, horns cinematically shimmering. Octavia snaps out of her confused daze and immediately jumps to the side. The minotaur misses his target and plows right into the side of the house. The wall crumbles around as does the rest of the house. A cloud of dust overtakes the screen.

As the dust settles, Octavia coughs a little before taking a good look. A white hoof reaches out of one side of the demolished debris. It is followed by the owner’s head and crooked sunglasses.

“Wow, that was wicked,” marvels a really loopy DJ-P0n3, “Can we do that again?”

“Vinyl!” cries out Octavia in worry as the other pony collapses backward.

Meanwhile, Iron Will shakes loose from another side of the debris. He turns around to face the enemy-to-be. He lets out a little snort.

The mare is no longer confused. She stares directly at the opponent’s eyes even from so far away. A split-screen image shows arcs of lightning racing between their respective gazes. One will most certainly die today.

Iron Will breaks the standoff first by making another tackling charge. While the minotaur is still a ways off, Octavia takes a backward leap. She now stands bipedally behind both of the goats. In a move that neither of the capre expect, she grabs hold of one of the goat’s horns between her front hooves. She swings around and throws that goat through the air.

Said goat lets out a screaming ‘ba’. It narrowly avoids getting impaled and ends up bouncing off of Iron Will’s head behind him.

Before the other goat can act on its plan to run way, Octavia grabs this one’s horn as well. But unlike the previous one, this one lands smack on top of Iron Will’s face. Just as he runs within a foot of Octavia, she leans out of the way and sweeps low with her hind hoof. The resulting motion trips Iron Will, sending him falling onto his chin as the goat lands elsewhere.

Octavia stands ready while Iron Will picks himself off the ground. Quite upset, he swings his arm around to deliver a punch. Surprisingly, Octavia blocks the punch with her hoof and brushes his arm away. The minotaur tries following up with a barrage of strong, yet slow jabs and hooks. But each attack is blocked by one or both of Octavia’s front hooves.

Iron Will moves his arms into a defensive guard almost the instant that Octavia jumps up and delivers four quick kicks. While she’s still in the air, Iron Will takes the opportunity to grab around her waist. He takes a spinning motion before tossing Octavia into some of her house’s debris.

Although the screen isn’t shaking, each of Iron Will’s steps makes a deafening crunching noise. Soon, his shadow looms over Octavia. She barely opens her eyes to see the monster before her even as he stands right above her.

“Any last words?” he asks honorably.

“Seulement trois.”

Something slashes through the air. A couple seconds of time pass. Iron Will’s eyes open wide. He lowers both of his hands to grab over the equivalent of a human’s privates. He lets out a rather high-pitched scream.

Another slash goes through as the combatants appear black against a red background. The outline of the minotaur’s head rolls off. The rest of his body soon collapses to the ground as well. The camera passes over Octavia in full color. The view passes over her extended front hoof. It looks like a bow with tight string is attached to the hoof’s underside.

“Repose en paix,” Octavia gives her regards to the recently deceased.

“K.O.!”

---Death Battle---

Wow, that fight was really nuts.

Under the initial circumstances, Octavia was quickly overwhelmed by Iron Will’s loud mouth and brute force. Even her training in the martial arts couldn’t withstand his sheer upper-body strength.

But she played the field and the surroundings to her advantage. She really managed to overcome brawn with her brain. She thought of moves on the fly and executed them almost without fail.

In the end, there was very little that could protect Iron Will from Octavia’s secret weapon: the hidden bowstring-blades. With the right speed and angle, string can become quite deadly, and break the sound barrier like a whip cracking, believe it or not.

And there’s proof by Mythbusters that even the world’s strongest man’s muscles can’t protect against lethal weapon blows.

I guess Iron… Will not win.

… Yeah, you should probably leave the one-liners to me, N.

*ahem* The winner is Octavia.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle…

…

*drum boom*

…

No, please! Don’t make me go out there! I'm not even one of the fighters!

…

*drum boom*

…

*rip*

Collected 1.

---Death Battle---

Author's Note

The fandom has only itself to blame for making Octavia such a bad*** pony.

Chapter 68: Season 2 Outtakes Reel #2

Formatting needs to be set to "Dark"... I've told you this bit already!

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Season 2

---Another Outtakes Reel---

Hit it!

---Outtake #16---

“I need Dragonzord power!” Tommy exclaims. He holds his dagger up and starts moving his fingers around in the fashion of a flute player. Why a trumpet decides to play in the background is beyond me.

Something large disturbs the ocean’s gentle tide cycle. After much bubbling, the head of a large mechanical dinosaur appears followed by the rest of its body. It slowly wanders onto the beach.

Without warning, a spinning disk-like entity flies in while projecting fire jets around itself. The Dragonzord gets hit in the head several times before falling onto its side. Limbs pop out of the disk-like entity before revealing itself to be one of the largest ninja turtles in history.

~Gamera... Gamera...~

---Outtake #17---

The camera zooms in on a speeding target down the street. It seems Fili-Second is galloping with a determined look on her face. It's a good thing that the replay cameraman is on duty. The audience gets to see the pony headbutt the ranger three times in a row even though it's really just one headbutt.

"Ow... my head..." Fili-Second moans as she lies down. Her hooves hold against her mane.

"Ow, my rear," mutters the Black Ranger as he rubs the pain underneath that suit.

---Outtake #18---

According to a particular source, the Masked Matter-Horn has always been a Pegasus pony.

... Daf*q are you talking about?

Didn't you notice the color of her costume? Did you also notice that her horn is the same color as the rest of her garments? How could she be casting spells through a headband without directly hitting the band itself?

Wait, that horn is an artificial attachment?

Precisely. That's why her magic and range of spells are so weak in comparison to the average alicorn or even a well-versed unicorn. She can only cast elemental beams from her horn because that was all it was designed to do.

Li comes up and whacks N upside the head.

Keep yo' faux pas head-canon outta mah DBP, capiche?

N whimpers and looks up with big, teary eyes.

---Outtake #19---

As quickly as each piece of the impromptu tea set approaches her, she lifts a leg or arm to strike it away. The scene kind of reminds me of how Ryu Hayabusa was able to quickly disassemble Strider Hiryu's battle robots.

The Yellow Ranger quickly follows this impressive display by making an aerial dive through the onslaught of... and she gets pushed back. Oh geez... I think some of those forks are stuck into her. That wasn't in the script, was it?

A/N: Cut!

A quick medi-gun blast is given to Trini. I hope we don't have to redo that scene too many times over.

---Outtake #20---

Back inside the tornado, Kimberly tries an unusual move of wielding a pink bow. She takes aim into the same direction as the wind and fires. The laser arrow flies around the storm creating a bright, pink circular section of the tornado. She alters her aim slightly. After a few passes of the first arrow, she releases a second shot.

The stop-motion camera reveals that this shot makes a direct hit against the first arrow. The collision creates a laser explosion... along with several sharks for some reason. As the unexpected fish flop around and start chewing up the landscape, the Pink Ranger and Zapp let out loud screams while scurrying away from the scene as quickly as humanly possible.

---Outtake #21---

In case it wasn't obvious of exactly what her heroine persona is a rip-off, here's the "too long, didn't read" version. Combine Ms. Marvelous's name with Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth, Batman's batarangs, Robin's wonder boy get-up and Applejack's southern twang.

Wow, you're not wasting any time, are you?

We can't afford to. We already used up most of the speaking budget in that overblown introduction of this chapter.

But we don't even get paid.

That's exactly what I just got through saying. We're not getting paid and that's final!

Okay, let's just continue our analysis of Mistress Mare-velous.

Good! Just don't pay me.

---Outtake #22---

I know. It’s because I rule.

*muttering* Is it too late to bring back those ponies?

Ah, you can talk to your two girlfriends some other time.

Wait, what?! They're not my girlfriends!

Oh, don't act so shy, W. You were eyeing that fiery unicorn chick when you thought I wasn't looking.

The sound effects guy hits the 'George Michael saxophone' button.

Uh, B, I'm not sure how to tell you this but... F is a guy.

What? That's crazy! ... I mean, uh, I'm not judging you for being-

I am not ho- stop! How did we even get on this tangent of conversation?

No clue.

And could somebody turn off that darn sax music?

Sorry.

---Outtake #23---

"Heh, you're not as bad as I thought you'd be," comments Vegeta. His smile grows slightly. "Let's see if you can handle this."

The Saiyan starts growling as energy begins to radiate around his body. He starts yelling out a single syllable as the gathering energy becomes a yellow color. However, before his hair can follow suit, some kind of light blue energy hits him in the backside. His concentration on his power gather is broken and the move putters out.

"What the hell?" he asks as he turns around. "Who threw that?"

A whitish anthro hedgehog glides over. Its gloved hand glows in that same light blue color as before.

"I have to destroy you before you kill Shadow!" announces Silver.

"That already happened," says Vegeta.

"Oh," says Silver in realization, "Wuh..." He levitates a gun and clicks it. "Give me the Senzu bean."

---Outtake #24---

Modern media has taken great efforts to ensure that the position of princess does not always equate to damsel in distress waiting to marry a stranger who happens to be a prince.

Heck, if you even tried to save these princesses in that way, you'd get your *ss set on fire... or electrocuted... or magically blown to cinders... or frozen... or pulled apart limb from limb... or kicked in the head several times... or lectured... or stared at... or banished to the moon... or locked in a prison hold on the moon that you were banished to...

I think you've made your point, B.

Hold on. Hold on. Not just yet. Where was I? Oh yeah. You could be drowned... or be squeezed underneath a giant crusher... or shoved into the meat grinder... or exploded... or exploded again... or-

You can't explode twice. It's scientifically impossible. Once you explode once, the original you is no longer a thing that can go through any explosions after that.

---Outtake #25---

Something seems different today.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. The atmosphere just feels... flipped.

Maybe it's because we're girls.

Whoa! What the heck?

What? What? What is it?

...

Dudette, is that even normal?

AK-47 facepalms and groans.

---Outtake #26---

The American Dragon performs a cross between the moonwalk and the Egyptian walk.

"You've been hit by," sings Jake with headphones on, "You've been struck by... a smooth dragon fire."

---Outtake #27---

Solar Fla-

Leona's voice catches in her throat. The screen splits to show both Celestia and Luna with their shocked faces. When the camera finally pans down, the blade with a lunar symbol is shown with its pointy end sticking out of Leona's chest. She quivers a bit as her eyes turn to look behind her.

"I told you to stay out of my way," says Diana with a straight face.

Leona's eyes go wide as a very childish noise buzzes somewhere down below. Diana suddenly lets go of the blade handle and starts waving in front of her face.

"Why did you eat that junk before the fight?" she wonders while trying unsuccessfully to wave away the smell.

"Sorry," Leona says with a blush.

The screen splits to show side-by-side images of Celestia and Luna unable to contain their laughter.

---Outtake #28---

Maud Pie is Pinkie Pie's sister and one of her closest friends. But unlike Pinkie, Maud stayed on the rock farm and has dedicated the better part of her life to understanding everything about rocks inside and out. Currently, she is aiming for a doctorate's degree in rocket science.

Oh my g**d... wait. W, you didn't do it right.

What are you talking about?

Your line is, "Currently, she is aiming for a rockterate degree in rock science."

What? That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as a rockterate degree.

I know, but... that's the line.

That is so stu- That's it! I'm going to my trailer.

W hollers something about not wanting to be disturbed.

Okay. I guess I'll just play Candy Crusher or something while you do whatever.

---Outtake #29---

After several seconds of her fists of fury, Blossom floats in one place panting heavily. Twilight quickly flutters over and delivers a kick. The girl slams down against a corner of the pavement and a building. She opens her eyes and stares at the pony approaching on the ground.

"The game isn't as fun when you're losing, is it?" asks Twilight.

"Well, you just lost the game," retorts Blossom.

Twilight's eyes widen before she slaps her face with a hoof. "Celestia d*** it!"

Author's Note

Mishaps. Glorious mishaps.

Side Battle: Six Paths to Death (part 4)

Please make sure that "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: We have to drag through the muck before we can get to the blood... or something like that.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Sega, and GanonFLCL.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E Side 7

Well, if nothing else, they can at least oppose each other on the color wheel.

Cool minds or hot powers... which of these can topple the other?

Out of all the six battles between the Mean and Deadly, this one may just be the most mismatched in terms of skillsets.

Then again, sometimes you need a full-out slaughter to break up the monotony of close matches.

I can't argue with that. Today, we're throwing the green Zeena into the battlefield.

Joining her will be Havocwing, the Element of Fury. She's N and I'm F.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills...

... to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Havocwing
-Clone of Fluttershy; Element of Fury
-Has two emotions: sour and angry
-Pyrokinesis: shoot fireballs, trail of wall fire, increase speed with a fiery jet, and become a living fireball
-Fighting strategy: Leeroy Jenkins it
-Can rhyme on a dime, survive a paradox like Wheatley, and show a little adorkableness toward her sisters
-Has hair-trigger anger issues and swears every two to five sentences
-Weakness: bunnies

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

So, F, I bet you like this character a lot.

Really? How do you figure?

Havocwing likes fire and heat and doesn't take trash talk from anypony.

Eh... I'm not really that big into anger management cases that shoot fire at their problems.

But... aren't you a...?

Anyway, aren't we supposed to be introducing this girl to the audience?

*sigh* Like the rest of the Mean Six, Havocwing is a clone of a bearer of Harmony. Her Element is Fury in opposition to her original's Element of Kindness.

I don't know if I can really call it the opposite. I've witnessed firsthand the boiling anger of Fluttershy on a bad day. I thought my mane would catch on fire.

Your mane is on fire.

I meant more than usual.

Ah.

Like N was saying, Havocwing has the ability to control fire. Fireballs, fire trails, pyro jet boosts, flames shaped like your mother... you name it and she'll have a fire for it. The fire suits her attitude just fine because she could get angry if you just breathe wrong in her general direction.

Of course her fury comes at the cost of some of her intelligence. While she's not as oblivious to her surroundings as Insipid, Havocwing is easily tripped up by Starlight Shadow's verbose vocabulary and finds it difficult to make long-term plans. Even so, she did claim the role as secondary leader of the team for a while.

I wish she'd cut back on the *eff*ing language, though. There's younger children in her group for *eff* sake!

N just stares at F for a while.

What?

N quickly shakes her head.

In spite of being Fluttershy's opposing Element, she has shown small bits of kindhearted care towards her fellow clones as time went on. Red Velvet even commented that Havocwing has an extra soft spot for bunnies when no one is looking.

Like Rainbow Dash and Tank!

And when she wasn't busy trying to burn Fluttershy to the ground, she actually out-Iron Willed Iron Will with some rhyming assertive advice.

"If somepony says you're scared of the dark, show them your bite is worse than your bark!"

---Death Battle---

Zeena
-Only female member of the Deadly Six
-Cool, calm, and collected
-Has a tendency to look at her nails as more important than anything else
-High physical strength, enhanced jump and flight capabilities
-Has a bit of an ego complex
-Weakness: getting a bad physical appearance

"Well, I'd say you've got the right girl for the job!"

This girl is the lean, green machine of the Deadly Six team.

To make up for the lack of female members of these six Zeti, Zeena takes her feminine stereotype to eleven. She's constantly reconfirming the status of her painted nails, looking for praise, and even tried hitting on Sonic when she wasn't busy just... hitting Sonic.

Careful, W. Your 'me' is showing.

*sigh* Darn it, B.

My work is a complete success!

Her large ego may have some foundation. Aside from Master Zik, Zeena is one of the most intelligent members of her team. She's able to keep calm and collected under pressure and may even be the fastest flyer in the Deadly Six.

Speaking of cool nature, Zeena really seems to like using snowmen to attack her enemies. Though, I question the wisdom behind standing on top of a giant snowy target when Sonic has a tendency to lock-on every single crushable foe in sight.

In addition to being fast, her strength is stronger than her nimble appearance would let on. It's possible that she could lift the exact same kinds of things that the rest of her teammates could throw.

That might be difficult to see, since she needs so many compliments just to get off her *ss and actually do something.

"Gotta go! Call me!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a-

Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The door opens upon another room at the artificial headquarters for the Deadly Six. A red horny guy stomps in with rather loud footsteps. He approaches a figure that seems to be busy with a small jar of nail polish.

"I noticed a distinct lack of your presence before Master Zik went off to deal with that new threat," comments the boss.

The other figure mutters, "I wonder... should I stick with the pink? Maybe it's time to give cerulean a chance to glimmer?"

"Come now," says the boss gently, "You're the smartest, fastest, and most devilish of us all."

With each adjective, the other figure moans as if in deep pleasure. "Oh, yes..."

"What do you say, Zeena?" asks the boss, "Would you go check on our belated members like only you can?"

"Well, when you put it that way..." The nail polish gets closed. "Your taste in the right girl is as keen as ever."

We cut to a completely different artificial base that looks nothing like the Deadly Six's headquarters. A certain void unicorn is tapping her hoof against the floor in irritation. Another pony flaps her wings and hovers just above.

"What's wrong?" asks the pegasus.

"Curaçao is missing," responds the little pony in charge.

"Again?" spits the pegasus. "That *eff*ing mare is always hiding away from us."

The unicorn gives her a look. "If you would permit me to conclude, Grayscale Force and Insipid are also further behind schedule than I had specifically demanded of them. There exists a possibility that they have been detained... or less fortunate."

"What?! You mean they got killed?!"

"It is too soon to speculate such a presumption," insists the unicorn. "We require a proposition, an intelligent action point."

"I'm going in!" The pegasus rushes out the door, igniting the path that she flies along.

"That is the absence of a clever objective!" shouts the little boss, though her recipient of the conversation is long gone.

"Hey, you!" calls out the pegasus, "What have you done to them?"

The green Zeti looks up from her standing point. "Well, that's something you don't see every day. What brings you around my neighborhood, little Pegasus?"

"Don't act all innocent!" hollers the pony. "It only makes you look fishier. Now tell me what you did!"

The response is rolled eyes. "I'll tell you what I haven't done: give my nails that new cerulean look. I'm starting to think pink is so last month."

Fire literally streams out of the pegasus' ears. "That's it! I'll burn your *eff*ing face!"

"Oh my," says the Zeti casually. "Looks like we've got a live wire here."

"FIGHT!"

Havocwing flies forward and extends her right hoof. A giant fireball is released and crackles through the air. Zeena sighs and stomps the snowy ground with her left foot. She quaintly spins around and kicks a large snowball up with her right foot. The balls of opposing elements crash into each other. A large steam cloud floats away from the few liquid droplets that fall to the ground.

The hot-headed pegasus lets out a fuming breath before coming in low. She flies in a giant ring around the visible arena. A literal wall of fire appears along the exact path that she takes. Somehow defying the natural direction of heat, the snow directly below this wall of fire melts and reveals wet grass. However, there is still a lot of snow on the ground inside of this inferno ring.

Zeena smiles slightly as she lifts a painted fingernail to point. Several small snowmen rise from the ground and slide around in front of her. Havocwing looks at them all in confusion. That is the case until one of the decorated snowballs jumps up and smacks into her side, causing her to flinch. Although that snowman breaks up upon contact and falls to the ground as debris, Havoc reacts by shivering violently.

Havoc growls audibly before igniting an area all around herself. From both of her front hooves, she starts wildly punching and launching fireballs left and right. Several miss their targets, but all of the advancing snowmen melt or get knocked into smithereens by the flames that do hit. Meanwhile, Zeena starts pulling up a giant snowman as her ride.

After the last little snowman is demolished, Havocwing lowers her personal fire levels and starts panting heavily. She turns around and is little more than pissed off at the sight of the giant snowman. Her own body emits fire on and around her in every conceivable direction. Soon, flames engulf the entire view of the screen. The cameraman runs off the set screaming due to being on fire. Through the blaze, the furious pegasus charges through the giant snow head.

...

Is this supposed to be the Alaskan forest or a sauna? There's steam everywhere! Havocwing stands wobbly in the middle of the arena on top of a patch of scorched grass. Only a few scattered embers remain from her full-powered blast. A small green Zeti hovers down right in front of her. Zeena pokes the pony's forehead. The pony topples over as her eyes close.

"Oh no! I broke a nail!" exclaims Zeena.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

I think we just made global warming!

I... suppose so.

Havocwing had the advantage in elemental strength. Her fire was more than hot enough to melt Zeena's arsenal composed of snow.

She even had enough to obliterate the whole place with her.

But with her attack first, ask questions never strategy, she depleted her resources far too early on in the battle.

Yeah, blowing crap up and burning everything sounds cool, but that's not really going to work against someone that spreads out their resources and can move with almost equal speeds if the need arises.

Although Zeena is less likely to battle, she does have the intelligence to wait back and see what her opponent is capable of before striking herself. Once Havocwing had revealed her entire arsenal, Zeena had what she needed to work around it.

In the end, Havocwing was all burned out.

The winner is Zeena.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

~Come on everypony, scream, scream, scream! Let your hearts fill with nightmares, nightmares!~

Author's Note

Ah, man! I couldn't find any place to put in a Xena Warrior Princess joke.

Likeable Prince vs. Nostalgia's Green Tunic

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: Not going to lie, I was kind of curious how these two would fare against each other myself. Thanks for the suggestion.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 3

E 14

For honor and great justice, we ride!

Humble knights take many forms. They often serve to protect the helpless princesses in distress.

But when they're not beating the crap out of giant monsters, they're busy with the more mundane tasks like gardening, delivering items, and... coaching competitors for the Olympics.

Link the Hero of Hyrule!

And Shining Armor, Princess Cadance's b****.

He means Prince and Royal Captain.

That's what I said. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Link
-Hero of Hyrule; blessed with the Triforce of Courage
-Puzzle solver, swordsman, birdrider, train conductor, bug collector, all-around errand boy
-Wields the Master Sword and the Hylian Shield
-Carries several bombs, a bow, arrows, a boomerang, a hookshot, the Iron Boots, Pegasus Boots w/ Roc Feather
-Wears the golden gauntlets, red ring of defense, and green garments
-Aims for the weak points
-Battle strategy is not his strongest aspect

"Hup! Come on!"

Here, we have the character that confused everyone playing Legend of Zelda games for the first time. Contrary to the rookie assumption that his name is Zelda, this fairy-elf boy is actually called Link.

How many times must I tell you that he's not a fairy?!

Well, whatever he is, he's constantly changing his backstory and skill set with every reincarnation. Is he a farmer, a forest dweller, some long lost brother of the princess, a time traveller, or an island sailor?

The answer is an astounding all of the above. Each of the heroes named Link are all connected by their common Triforce of Courage, giving him the experience of over ten generations of adventuring experience.

Somehow, that experience also translated into how much stuff can fit into his pockets. He carries three pairs of boots, a ton of bombs, arrows, a bow, three different hookshots, and the Gale Boomerang: a tool for sending wind into fans and whipping goodies and enemies in those hard to reach spots.

Among his various items, Link always picks up the Master Sword, nicknamed "Evil's Bane" for its inherent ability to... well, kill evil things.

... like spiders, a rare male Gerudo, and the deadliest enemy of all... pots!

Aside from ways to destroy artistic vases, Link also wears a number of defensive items such as the Red Ring, the Golden Gauntlets, and the Hylian Shield capable of withstanding any and all attacks.

When he's fighting giant beasts and enemies, he usually has to find one specific weak point and beat it until the enemy stops wiggling around. But while he has the means to do so, he doesn't always think ahead with exactly the right weapon. But hey, he's tough enough to withstand one or two slip-ups.

Link is a master swordsman, puzzle solver, bird rider, and train conductor.

Seriously, a train conductor? What's next, a dynasty warrior?

Well, actually...

Wow... just... wow.

Link shows off his mastery of the Hero Shade's latest technique before spinning and sheathing his sword.

---Death Battle---

Shining Armor
-Older sibling to Twilight Sparkle
-Rose through the ranks to Captain of the Royal Guard; married Princess Cadance; Prince of the Crystal Empire
-Highest level of defensive magic shown to date
-Held a city-wide shield for at least two days without proper sleep and while being drained of love energy by a changeling queen
-Has a magical beam for offense
-Is strong enough to throw Cadance several yards
-Has no special defense against magic stealers

"This, you need to see."

Shining Armor is the Prince of the Crystal Empire and Captain of Equestria's Royal Guard.

He married the Princess of Love and soon later to be defined Crystal Princess. Not to mention, he's the older brother of the Element of Magic who later transcended to become the Princess of Friendship. I suspect government interference somewhere in the mix.

Come on, that's not nearly as ridiculous as some of the stuff that fairy tales have come up with in the past.

Well, I guess rising through the ranks of Royal Guard can't be that easy. I mean, more than half of the unicorns in said guard can't conjure up a magic barrier even close to the scale that this boy pony toy can. Though, they might be able to blast magic beams just as strong as his.

Shining Armor has one of the strongest shield spells in Friendship is Magic history. When he was introduced to the series, he was holding up a city-encompassing barrier for at least two days without getting a full night's rest. Keep in mind, he was also getting drained of love energy by the changeling queen on multiple occasions during this time frame.

And we ran the numbers to figure out why the strongest sword ever couldn't break his shield if he so chose to concentrate that same spell around just himself.

He doesn't just have strong magic. His upper body strength is enough to lift and toss Princess Cadance like a speeding javelin.

How did he not get in a fight with her over that later?

Well, considering her wings opened a few seconds before he threw her, my guess is that it was mostly her plan at the last minute.

Man, if only I could have done that to my ex-wife. Unfortunately for Shining Armor's reputation, there have been three villains within the second, third, and fourth seasons that have somehow blocked or stolen his magical energy. I mean, who's actually comfortable with getting sexually violated that many times?

*ahem* But considering that these were power houses that required the magic of love and friendship to defeat, it says something about how much it really takes to keep Shining Armor down.

A writer for a little kids' show with a vendetta against its male cast.

*sigh* Fair point.

"Let's move, move, move!"

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

---Death Battle---

The following takes place after Zelda vs. Cadance.

A stallion gallops along the sunset-lit bridge. The beaten and battered body of his beloved sleeps right in the middle. He gasps, cries, and begs upon Celestia for it to not be true. The culprit will pay. They will pay dearly for raising their bow to her.

He notices the exhausted creature wielding the murder weapon. Enraged, he gallops forth and throws his weight into a mighty buck. Zelda screams as she flies off the arena to the "death boundary".

A man hears the cry of his princess. He observes her death upon collision with the exterior of the screen. Is it Ganondorf again? The man runs forward. What he sees is not Ganondorf, but an awfully bright stallion whinnying furiously. This cannot go on. The man pulls out his sword and holds his shield at the ready in his other hand.

"FIGHT!"

In a strange split-second decision, Link sheathes his sword again. He runs forth and attempts to mount the angry pony. Though, his feet touch the ground even as he sits on the stallion's back. An awkward silence passes after two seconds before Shining Armor simply rolls over. This forces the man to hop off before he gets crushed.

Shining delivers a one-two punch with his front hooves. They collide with the Hylian Shield, forcing Link to slide back a couple of inches. The unicorn follows up by turning around and bucking. But again, the decorative shield seems to withstand the force. Link pulls out his sword and spins around in place. This forces Shining to jump out of the way.

The Hero of Hyrule pulls out his bow and fires a volley of arrows. At the same time, the prince's horn lights up and a pink bubble of light surrounds him. The arrows bounce away harmlessly. Link's next two arrows carry a bluish tint. They create a layer of ice that curves around Shining Armor's spell. However, this doesn't do anything else. A flick through his inventory attaches one of Link's bombs to his next arrow.

The explosion creates a cloud of smoke and scatters the ice all over the place. But as the smoke clears, Shining Armor's barrier looks none the worse for wear. It only drops briefly as Shining switches spells and fires a beam from his horn. Link's shield holds off the gist of the blast, though his feet slide along the bridge.

Seeing an opening, Link tosses his boomerang. But at this distance, Shining has enough time to put up his translucent barrier again. For once, the boomerang does not return to Link's hand. Trying once more for range, Link launches his hookshot. The metal claw taps against the outside of the barrier. It quickly shortens and pulls Link close.

Within striking distance of the barrier, Link firmly grasps the Master Sword and slashes this way and that. He performs another impression of a top and even throws in his finishing downward strike. Still, the pink barrier holds. The swordsman grunts. A burst of yellow seems to course through his entire being.

Link charges forth again with all the force he can muster. A double-layer of the Triforce manifests in light as he rapidly strikes every diagonal direction conceivable from this side of the barrier. Yet despite all of the rippling, the barrier doesn't budge. Link can't believe that his Triforce Slash didn't work.

A crack suddenly appears in the bricks beneath his feet. An exclamation point briefly flashes above his head after he chances a look down. The crack spreads farther and farther. Shining Armor gasps as he notices the cracks in the bridge are reaching him too. The high ground caves beneath the combatants. The startled pony's spell is interrupted by his sudden weightlessness.

Two different pitches of yells are heard as gravity claims them for itself.

"Double K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Wait, how does that work? We're letting the bridge be the death of them both?

Well, look at their defensive capabilities and look at what they've got for offense. Shining Armor has plenty of strength and magic, but no clear finishers that could pierce the Hylian Shield. Link has a wide variety of different weapons, but even the Golden Gauntlets wouldn't let the Master Sword pierce one of Shining Armor's magic barriers.

I guess. Out of all of Link's tools of murder, the Master Sword is the strongest in his arsenal, but it doesn't come close to the force of impact that Jack the Ripper Raiden could strike with... and Raiden lost against Shining Armor.

Plus, Shining Armor's only notable defeats in canon were against villains that could steal or block his magic by affecting his horn. Link has no common means of stealing magic and in order to strike Shining Armor's horn, he'd have to get through that barrier spell first.

All of that force from their battle was enough to put strain in the very platform that they were fighting on. Sorry, boys. Have a nice fall!

This Death Battle is a draw.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Death Battle...

"Spider-Man! I mean, Deadpool. *Ess*!"

Ch. 110: Royal Royale

See main description for spoiler alert notice.
The "Formatting" can be set to "Dark" or "Light" for this one.

Properties belong to their respective owners.

Intense Lightning Round

Here all the fights are done without boring analysis.

So many fighters!

So much action!

No research.

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... GO!

(Like Ancestral Father, Like Daughter)

---Raspberry Beryl and Heliodor vs. King Sombra?---

The camera pans around the Crystal Empire. Eventually, the view zooms in on a small corridor leading to a sectioned off room. A dark magenta unicorn trots along. Normally, a pony walking along wouldn't be any reason to alert the local news. What stands out, however, is the bird that is somehow comfortably perched on her horn. It is one of the rarest specimens in all of the lands: a green phoenix. Said phoenix lets out a questioning squawk.

"There's just a little more I need to check in that room sealed with dark magic," explains the unicorn. "It shouldn't take long."

Suddenly, the phoenix looks ahead sharply, and with its eyes narrowed.

"What is it, Heelee?" asks the unicorn before looking forward herself.

A much darker unicorn enters from the other direction. His pace is a bit slow and clumsy. He seems to be struggling with his own hooves more than a newborn colt on his first trot. The camera slowly pans up from his hooves, over his red and furry cape, and finally up to his red eyes and red, curved horn tip. Though, he seems to be looking down.

"Why is it so freaking hard to walk with these things?" he grumbles gravelly. "Seriously, what kind of king can't even walk?"

"You!" calls out the first unicorn. Her phoenix mimics her angry expression.

The stallion looks up, looks right, looks left, and then forward once more. He slowly raises one of his front legs in front of his chest. "Me?"

"So we finally meet, Sombra," says the mare, "or should I say Daddy?"

The stallion's eyes go wide as his mouth suddenly becomes very small on the front of his face. "Wait, 'Daddy'?"

She sighs. "It figures you wouldn't recognize me. I mean why would you? The slave mare you decided to have a one-night stand with was probably just another tool for you to throw away."

The whites of his eyes expand even further. "Wait, I did what?!"

"It's because of your stupid blood that made me look like this!"

Upon her exclamation, her phoenix companion flies up. The mare's body undergoes a brief, yet frightening change of appearance. Her upper jaw gains fangs. Her mane and hide turn even darker than they were before. To top it off, her horn gains a disturbingly familiar curved shape as it turns red. All of this happens in a split-second and a flash of dark magic.

...

"Holy s***! You really do look like me," admits 'Sombra'. "But wait, when could this have happened?"

"I managed to cure one of your curses that afflicted my friends," continues the mare. "So, there's no reason why I can't vanquish you while I'm at it."

However, 'Sombra' seems lost as his eyes scan back and forth and thoughts swim in his head. The only lady-horses I've ever spoken to were Princess Crystal-on-her-butt and that Lun-Moon-on-her-butt... and I know I didn't take either of them to bed. Or... did one of them take me? Oh my *gee*! Was I *arr*ed? No, hold on! This woman-horsey looks a lot older than a year, and she sounds like she's at least hit puberty. So there's no way that I could have...

"Um, just out of curiosity," 'Sombra' speaks up, "how old are you?"

"This ends now!" yells the mare. Her horn radiates magic that seems to bubble rather than cover the area with an aura.

"Why does everything in this world want to kill me?!" exclaims 'Sombra' as he takes a step back.

A champion will be crowned!

Fight!

Raspberry Beryl conjures a large amount of her magic in the space in front of her. The cloud gathers into a shady double of herself. Two orbs glow where the artificial pony should have eyes. The human in Sombra's body looks like he's going to piss his pants. But at the last minute, he remembers that he doesn't have any pants, so he forces himself to hold it in.

Okay, calm down! He critiques himself. She's under the impression that I'm her father. Maybe... I can somehow use that to my advantage. The best way to handle an angry teenager is to apply a little discipline. ... Right?

"That's quite enough young... lady?" he says shakily. "Go to your room right now! Or I'll... uh... ground you? ... and... um... take away your dessert privileges... Yeah."

The shadowy clone of Beryl continues to slowly advance while the original still remains standing in defiance.

Hey, wait. What am I doing? 'Sombra' conks himself in the head with one hoof. I should fight fire with backfire... or purple magic as the case may be.

The king's impostor suddenly conjures bubbling magic of his own. A wave of crystals emerges from the floor in front of him and advance. They slide right through the mare's clone. Razz gasps before switching her spell with a different cast. Her dark double fades as the fast-approaching crystal gets caught in her version of the dark magic. The rocky wave shatters and separates into what appear to be a bunch of diamonds and pearls.

Holy s***! 'Sombra' opens his eyes wide once more. How did she do that? Why can't I do that?

Razz focuses and her newly broken gemstones float up. They appear poised to act as her new ammunition. They even let out a barrage of Old West gun noises as they fly through the air.

Yikes! 'Sombra' closes his eyes as his body suddenly switches from a solid to a gas. Oh, right... I forgot I can do that.

The colored rocks fly through the gaseous shadow as if he isn't there. His face is about the only thing recognizable in this smoke. In triumph against his clearly solid opponent, he sticks his tongue out with a buzzing noise. At least, that is the case until it gets burned by a very angry Heliodor. Actually, a lot of him feels burned as the green phoenix circles around and spreads its flames.

"Ahhhh! Hey! Since when do chickens do the frying?" asks 'Sombra'.

That remark seems to agitate the phoenix as he intensifies the heat. Feeling threatened to be absorbed like methane gas next to a match, 'Sombra' backs away and falls on his side in his solid unicorn form. He quickly pats himself all over, making sure he isn't too badly burned.

"Enough of this!" calls out Razz.

Her horn's magic flows out in multiple directions. It seems to affect the entire arena. Everything but her simply... stops. Breathing heavily, she stomps forward toward the helpless king. Anyone in this corridor is at her mercy. It's the kind of power that would make Dio Brando roll in his grave.

Why can't I move? wonders 'Sombra' with wide eyes. Why can't I move?!

His thoughts abruptly stop as Raspberry Beryl lodges her curved horn through his jugular vein.

K.O.!

This round's winner is... Raspberry Beryl!

(First Pony View vs. The Water Bearer)

---Rosy "Vivienne" Stripes vs. Daphne---

A man's mind currently resides in this little filly's body. He or she is confined to the parameters set by whatever was in charge of this pony's creation and his or her current ownership of said pony's body. He or she is limited by this little pony's rosy red mane with snowy white highlights. His or her only tool at disposal is a thin string around his or her neck that is strung through the hole of a key that opens the door to his or her apartment room. Unfortunately for his or her sanity, he or she is not in the safety of his or her apartment room. His or her current location is at some point in the forest between a preferable starting point and a preferable ending point. He or she is at the non-preferred middle area between the aforementioned points.

A slightly older, blonde unicorn filly trots onto the scene. For some reason that she can't understand, she really wants to hit something... or in this case, some pony. It is not a good day to be some pony standing in her way.

Make your imagination a reality.

Start!

Rosy Stripes, if he or she really is Rosy Stripes, tries to understand why the other unicorn is so displeased. He or she briefly considers asking what the matter is directly. However, vague recollections from both of his or her pasts tell him or her that asking such questions outright would most likely lead to more questions. In and of itself, the idea of having more questions does not disconcert him or her. No, it is the implications of what those new questions might be and the potentially long and tangential strings along which those topics might lead.

Meanwhile, Daphne just charges up her horn and summons a whole new forest. No, I'm not kidding. She summons an entire forest in the middle of the clearing. Various sounds of wildlife ring in the background.

Startled, Rosy backs up quickly on the tips of his or her hooves. He or she wonders how any creature can possibly create such a biosphere in such a short time. Sure, he or she is familiar with how beyond science certain ponies are capable of reaching. But, he or she cannot immediately recall such an instance in which a tropical rainforest and all the biological inhabitants can feasibly be conjured with a single spell.

He or she backs through a tree. It takes a while for him or her to grasp this event. He or she just phased through the tree as if it isn't really there. Cautiously, he or she reaches a front leg toward that very same tree that he or she is looking at. His or her hoof feels nothing, as if that tree is a holographic projection. Slowly, he or she changes his or her direction to a forward drag, to a forward trot, and finally to a forward gallop. The trees that his or her eyes are most assuredly revealing to him or her are not actually there.

Daphne holds her head low, trying to keep this fantasy world going with a single spell charging for the longest time. She just wants this day to end.

Rosy's hooves finally touch something real other than the dirt and grass. He or she feels water flowing. Is it a river or a stream? He or she isn't entirely sure. But this change from artificial environmental fixtures to an actual water source gives him or her an idea. He or she focuses her horn and streams a large volume of water in his or her levitational hold.

The older unicorn suddenly gets smacked upside the head by a propeller bi-plane composed entirely of water. She's sent flying by the impact. Her fake forest fades.

Rosy is left to contemplate the nonsensical factors that lead up to his or her current lack of a situation.

Game!

This round's winner is... Rosy Stripes!

(FiM, Major Pony Villains)

---Nightmare Moon vs. King Sombra vs. Starlight Glimmer---

How many unicorns are we following today? Because, yet another one enters the camera's view. She gallops out of the lower level of a cave. She feels that she has enough distance between her and her pursuers. Sure, she doesn't have the princess's cutie mark to show for it, but at least she can run away like a scared little... *ahem* Sorry. I don't know where that came from. Likewise, I don't know where that portal-shaped energy came from that the unicorn is running towards.

"What the...?" she yelps. She tries to slow to a halt, but her momentum carries her through the portal.

Upon her exit point, she opens her eyes slowly. Her eyes open wide at the sight before her. Upon a large dark pillar stands some pony she thought was only the workings of an old mare's tale. It's the Mare in the Moon! Across from that, there is a similarly dark, yet much more jagged pillar. That pillar carries a self-proclaimed king. He looks much more confident than his counterpart in the first round.

The unicorn from the first paragraph of this round smirks. "This is a perfect way to start my new plan."

Dashing hope, putting fear in its place!

Begin!

King Sombra's eyes glow eerily green as he launches forth several dark crystal shards. In response, Nightmare Moon's mane swirls around like crazy. Lightning flashes in branching directions. The electricity makes quick work of the incoming projectiles and burns them to dust. She laughs while he growls.

Slit irises flicker white as the Nightmare splits herself into three. The Shadowbolts circle around and charge their enemy. Three bubbling bursts from Sombra's horn conjure giant stalagmites composed of dark crystal. Their speed leaves little room for the pegasi to stop, forcing them to collide with the giant rocks before falling on top of each other. Quickly, a purple aura surrounds them as Nightmare Moon regains her original form. He chuckles while she scowls.

"Prepare to be equalized!"

"Huh?"

"Huh?"

Both of the hatred fueled ponies turn in confusion at the additional voice. Two bursts of light blue magic are shot in their direction. Nightmare Moon assumes the form of purple smoke and glides out of the way. Sombra does something similar in his black fog form. The intruder tries her luck with a few more blasts of the same variety. However, the black fog that is Sombra quickly floats around and hides her from the camera's view.

After a few seconds, he floats away. Starlight Glimmer's horn is covered in black rocks. She grunts and tries to cast her magic. But her usual aura is getting caught about one fourth of the way up her horn.

"You've got to be kidding me," she moans as she looks at the bemused expression of Sombra's eyes.

As her attention is on him, she doesn't notice the purple smoke flowing into the ground beneath her hooves. The earth cracks a little. Starlight's eyes go wide before she looks down. The crack spreads farther and farther, forming a jagged web of splitting ground. Eventually, Nightmare flows out of the ground. One final crack shatters the very ground that Starlight is standing on. The only thing beneath her now is a long, dark drop.

Starlight Glimmer shrieks, waving her hooves around wildly. But there's no hope to grab onto anything, because Nightmare already made it all too brittle to support any weight. She falls out of sight.

Sombra grunts, catching the Nightmare cloud's attention. The two ponies in gaseous form slowly flow toward each other. It seems that they mean to finish this here and now. Cold winds and lightning crash around them. Purple and black swirl against each other in opposition.

...

The black cloud retreats a few feet. Nightmare Moon is on the ground laying on her side. Her usual slit irises are currently red pupils inside green eyes. Her mouth quivers. Her fangs barely show. A small tear drips down her sideways face.

Sombra's head emerges from his fog. He chuckles, guffaws, cackles... and finally laughs at the most maniacal volume and bass he can possibly muster.

Finish!

This round's winner is... Sombra!

(FiM, Major Non-Pony Villains)

---Queen Chrysalis vs. Lord Tirek vs. The Sirens (Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze, Sonata Dusk)---

The largest of the currently known changelings slowly trots through the woods. After gathering her strength for a few days, she feels ready to continue searching for her subjects. Sure, their collective mind is MIA, but that doesn't mean she can't at least try. Her search takes her into a rather dry clearing, filled with many red rock formations.

The sound of chains catches her ears. She turns to see a rather feeble, old man-creature trotting along. His yellow pupils lock onto her presence. She grits her fangs at his funny look. He needs to be destroyed.

A sudden splash catches both of their attentions. They turn to look at a rather large ocean that somehow comes right up to the dry rock area. Three heads pop through the surface of the water. One is orange, one is purple, and one is blue. All three resemble a cross between sea monster, dragon, and horse. The changeling doesn't like the looks these three are giving her either.

Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!

Give 'em hell!

Tirek drags his chains along with him. He opens his mouth wide... only for a giant blue fish tail to smack him upside the head. Sonata backs off as Aria screeches red sound waves. The vibrations crack every one of the centaur's old bones before he flings off into the distance. He leaves a large hole in one of the red rocks upon impact. One of his hands shakily reaches out... before promptly falling limp against the opening.

Chrysalis takes this time to fly around while the sirens are distracted. She, uh... ejects some green gunk, ensnaring Aria to a portion of the land. Right after that, the changeling bites down hard into Sonata's neck. They both fall into the water.

Adagio dives down after them. She grits her teeth, looking left and right. After swimming down a couple yards, she thinks she sees her idiot of an ally. But it looks like Sonata is smacking her tail and biting Sonata who is biting and slapping back. Adagio growls out something incomprehensible to the audience. However, it grabs the attention of both Sonatas. All three sirens swim back to the surface.

"Obviously, there's only one way to deal with an impostor," reasons Adagio.

"What's that?"

"What's that?"

"Destroy you both!" she declares before singing a resonating wave.

One Sonata dodges out of the way. But in defense, the other Sonata sings her own wave. But it quickly loses air space. Her leader is just too strong. Both her throat and her ears give way as she collapses back into the ocean.

"Nice choice... for me." The remaining Sonata is covered by a layer of green fire before transforming into Chrysalis.

Adagio growls before letting loose her sound wave a second time. Chrysalis focuses her strength into a full blast, magic beam. In a way that defies physics, their attacks actually collide and hold each other in the air. Chrysalis yelps a little at the force she's fighting against. Adagio's fin-wings spread out a little as she holds her aerial position.

Eventually, the combatants stop their attacks altogether. They lower their heads in exhaustion. They actually show signs of sweating. Ill-gotten love energy and stolen negativity seem to be ineffective in the hooves of these two creatures.

There's an odd snapping sound. A purple tail smacks Adagio right in her red jewel. A siren's screech sends Chrysalis flying... all the way over into a red rock next to Tirek. Her wings shake a little, even though they are crushed.

Aria mockingly dusts off her hooves. She sneers at the lack of effort that she needed.

Players defeated!

This round's winner is... Aria Blaze.

(Plentiful Pony Princesses)

---Celestia vs. Luna vs. Cadance vs. Twilight Sparkle---

Canterlot shimmers in its noble radiance. We zoom over the city and straight into the castle's throne room. There is a brief pass along the various stained glass windows. Images of heroes over the past year glimmer in their respective colors.

A flurry of ones and zeros circles around four spots on the floor. They reveal the appropriate simulations of the combatants that will now battle to the finish. Each princess closes her eyes and gives a respectful nod. It seems that even their absence of peaceful minds does not prevent simple etiquette from shining through their personalities.

Heads rise. Eyes open. Wings flare. Horns glow in their owners' auras.

Might makes monarchy!

Engage!

With nary a warning, Celestia rushes forth and tackles Mi Amore Cadenza. The younger of which yelps as she gets smashed through a stained glass window. The camera briefly zooms out to show the castle as a whole. A small arrow points out their position. They fall a few seconds until the camera zooms back in.

Cadance bites her lip. With a flash of light blue, she conjures a force field around herself. It shoves her attacker away a few feet. Both alicorns flap in place. Cadance chances a couple shots with her magic, as well as one small valentine.

Celestia flies above the first shot and under the second shot. Then, she raises a front leg and outright slaps the valentine out of her face. She fires a short burst of golden magic. After a quick focus from Cadance, the incoming blast dances around her shield before fading away.

But the eldest princess has yet to finish her move. Celestia calmly raises her hooves and flies higher and higher. Her body flutters right in a way that she can't be seen within the outline of the sun behind her. Cadance blinds herself trying to keep her eyes on her opponent. It's enough of a distracting pain that she doesn't notice the large golden blast coming straight for her.

The burning Mi Amore Cadenza falls to the foot of the mountain.

The inside of the throne room tells a slightly different war story. Luna and Twilight Sparkle fly around in circles. All the while, they fire lightning and beams at each other respectively. The lightning zaps against various walls. Magenta magic barely nicks a couple of Luna's feathers.

Gritting her teeth, Luna dives down a foot or two and fires a blue magical beam straight up. Twilight backtracks on her original circular path to dodge the blast. Luna flutters back and forth between seemingly random points. She shoots more beams of the same blasting variety into the ceiling. Just as Twilight prepares a return fire, a large boulder-shaped piece of the ceiling crashes against Twilight's back and pulls her all the way down to the floor.

A white flash brings Celestia back into the room. She stares unflinchingly at her standing sister. Luna scrapes a front hoof against the floor a couple of times. Celestia poses to brace herself. Luna gallops forth. Celestia does the same. The sisters' horns collide and they shake as they literally push against each other.

Both of the sisters turn around a deliver a powerful buck. The resulting impact causes them to slide several feet away from each other. Luna charges up some more lightning in her horn and fires it. Celestia's golden aura sets up a defense. While her shield holds, the indoor flash storm shows no sign of stopping.

The camera pans back over to the crumbling boulder for some reason. There's a slight flash of magenta from underneath. Luna continues her lightning barrage against her sister's insistence on just defending. She knows Celestia can't hold that pose forever.

What she doesn't count on is getting hit in the back with a large spark of dark magic. With Luna stupefied, Twilight flies in with all of her strength and tackles Luna. She forces the Princess of the Night to slide along the floor. Growling, Twilight punches Luna repeatedly in the head with her hooves. She jumps up and down on Luna's throat, blasts Luna's wings with more blackish-purple magic, and even bites through Luna's tailbone for good measure.

Twilight slowly steps off the beaten and bruised opponent. She is breathing extremely heavily right now. She doesn't even look in Celestia's direction until the sound of the golden shield dispersing reminds her of her presence. Twilight holds her head briefly, while she continues panting. She's paying for that overuse of dark magic with a splitting migraine.

Celestia teleports to Twilight's right. The Princess of Friendship is wobbling from side to side. Celestia inhales deeply... and then blows out fairly long. The force of the wind sends Twilight toppling on top of her left wing. A golden aura surrounds both of the fallen alicorns. The zoomed out camera watches them get tossed out the hole in the castle's window.

Celestia's data clone bows to the camera before vanishing into bits.

Ring out!

This round's winner is... Celestia!

Author's Note

This may be a free work, but it feels like I blew a budget on that first round. I don't know why.

Love is a Battlefield (Round 2)

Advisory: Set your "Formatting" in the top right to "Dark" for best reading experience. Thank you.

A/N: *This chapter may contain slight spoilers to the episode "Princess Spike" from Season 5. Viewer discretion is advised.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 4

Episode 3

I just love it when there's a new episode of these things. Don't you?

You know what I hate more than a helpless damsel in distress? Absolutely nothing!

You may want to hold off a bit on your rant, because the demanding princesses today aren't as helpless as you might think.

I feel like we've been here before. Have we been here before?

Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom will face Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire.

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---Death Battle---

Princess Peach
-AKA Princess Toadstool
-Resourceful, athletic, technical
-Arsenal: Tennis racket, golf club, frying pan, turnips, Perry the Parasol
-Heart Power: indefinite floating, healing, and sleep-inducing lambs
-Some powers are boosted by her emotions
-Mega Strike Empress Peach
-Dispels evil magic
-Needs rescuing on a daily basis; gratitude doesn't extend very far

"Let's make a delicious cake for Mario."

Peach is the primary ruler of the long-standing Mushroom Kingdom who depends on technique and finesse over raw power.

Too bad these traits aren't enough to stop Bowser and other enemies from kidnapping her in almost every other game.

Still, you've got to give her props for surviving Nintendo's biggest death trap: Mario Party.

*shivers* Stop... I'm getting the chills.

Anyway, Peach's participation in a number of sports has given her the experience and the weapons of each one.

Who brings a tennis racket and a frying pan to a battlefield? I mean, come on! But that's not nearly as weird as pulling out small white turnips out of her-

She also wields a parasol by the name of Perry, who carries magical properties.

Speaking of magic, Peach can be used to counter evil and wields Heart Power, perfect for healing wounds and summoning lambs to send her enemies back to daycare. Nighty-night, turtles.

Additionally, her emotions can create powerful effects due to the Vibe Scepter's influence.

BAH... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You're never going to let that one go, are you?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! A scepter vibrator. Ha ha ha...

*Ahem* In spite of her ability to kick an opponent so hard that it can obliterate a human's head, she requires somebody else to rescue her on a regular basis. Often times, the few victories she does rack up are against opponents she could not feasibly defeat on her own.

What about Zelda?

What about Zelda?

"Did I win?"

---Death Battle---

Princess Cadance
-Full Name: Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
-Species: Alicorn (formerly Pegasus)
-Below average physical strength and flight stamina
-Magic: Levitation, force fields, beams, love restoration, magic transfer, *crystallization
-Quick thinking and insightful
-Easily bored
-Has been kidnapped by an impostor before
-Can get tired and hungry just like any other pony

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake."

There are the kidnapped, there are the independent, and then there's Mi Amore Cadenza.

Please, she prefers Cadance.

Much of this princess's history is veiled in mystery. All that the sources can seem to agree on is that she ascended from a pegasus pony after unlocking the secret to the Crystal Heart Spell.

There seems to be a weird tradition of coronating princesses in Equestria before they actually receive a kingdom. I mean, Cadance was a princess in Season 2, but didn't get her land until Season 3. Twilight became a princess in Season 3, but didn't get her castle until Season 4. What, did Celestia and Luna get crowned princesses before they first discovered the land of Everfree?

Questionable order of events aside, Cadance has been shown to be quick-witted and capable of directing her people. Even when she is called to battle herself, she isn't your typical pink-dressed princess.

She hardly ever dresses at all!

While her flying and physical strength don't quite match up to Celestia's and Luna's, Cadance's arsenal of spells is vast and powerful. Her most common spell is that of love-based magic. It does not make ponies fall in love. Rather, it reminds existing lovers of the importance in their relationship. It's so strong that it can even dispel a changeling's brainwashing.

She can also fire magic beams and put up force fields that can ward off evil and sickness. No really. They keep out the germs.

But her title of Crystal Princess is not just for flare. After much training, she has been able to figure out a spell that can turn an entire mainline full of water into solid crystals of multiple shades of red and blue.

Ha ha! Take that, physics!

Despite all of this power at her disposal, she isn't invincible. Holding up a shield that surrounds the Crystal Empire for days without proper sleep and food will wear her down. Not to mention, she has been kidnapped at least once, just like many other princesses.

But I pity any who would be foolish enough to mess with her husband or sister-in-law, especially when she's bored.

"We may not see each other very often, but I know you'll always be there when I need you."

---Death Battle---

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle! ... Round 2!

---Death Battle---

A blonde princess lies on the grass. Though, a few blinks of her eyes wipe the tiny valentines away. She sits up and looks around, humming questioningly. The sound of flapping wings catches her attention as she swiftly turns to where the camera pans right. A pink, pony princess flies in.

"Sorry, I completely forgot you were still here," apologizes the pony. "Are you okay?"

The first combatant's eyes burn furiously, as does the very air around her.

"I guess not." A drop of sweat hangs briefly against the pony's head.

"FIGHT!"

Peach yanks up several turnips and tosses them one at a time. Cadance spins around. Her translucent, magic force field shimmers each time a turnip collides with it. Luckily for her, all of the vegetables bounce off that force field without disturbing the overall dome shape.

Cadance opens her wings and takes to the sky. She aims a blast of magic down at an angle. Quickly, Peach opens up her parasol and lifts straight up. She floats along through the air for a while. Cadance tries to fly under and take another shot. However, Peach's quick footwork against her opponent's head denies the pony that chance.

The Mushroom Kingdom's princess swaps out her parasol for her tennis racket and aims herself to slam it downward. But the Crystal Princess immediately notices before rolling away to the side. The tennis racket ends up slapping nothing but dirt. Peach quickly follows up by twisting herself into a launch, hip-first. Her keister kicks Cadance's quarters and sends the pony sliding.

Peach activates her Heart Power and several lambs appear in the sky. Cadance quickly gallops from side to side, dodging each lamb within inches. There's a bit of slow motion just as she comes within Peach's personal bubble. But just as the gloved hand grabs hold of a frying pan, a pink hoof smacks Peach's face.

After taking a few spins, Peach finally regains some balance of her body. However, the pain isn't gone. Droplets start to pool under her eyes. In the next second, she has become a fountain of tears that are spilling all around her. They threaten to create a saline, flash flood.

Cadance's horn glows brightly as she stares unflinchingly at her opponent. The tears suddenly solidify into a mix of different-colored rocks. Peach opens her eyes wide. Her irises roll back into her head as a mess of crystals suddenly sprout out from her orifices. Soon, the only things recognizable on Peach are her blonde hair and pink dress.

"It had to be done," says Cadance as she turns around and closes her eyes.

"K.O.!"

---Death Battle---

Holy *ess*! Why do the most horrifying deaths happen by means of the harmless looking fighters?

As it was with the first time we had these two compete, most of their magic couldn't directly kill the other. However, that all changes when you consider Cadance's ability to turn liquid water into solid crystal as depicted in the "Princess Spike" episode. Despite her superhuman feats, Peach is for all intents and purposes a human. According to basic chemistry and anatomy, the human body is comprised of a large percentage of water. With a spell that can target an entire water main and transform the gist of that water into a crystal structure, it wouldn't take that much more concentration to effect all of the water inside of Peach.

It'd take even less effort considering how often Peach's main method of dealing with pain is to cry about it. Those tears may be good for tripping up weaker enemies, but not a flying pony.

And considering the amount of abuse Cadance has been able to survive in the past, there was no question that she could take Peach's punishment and still fight on.

It's too bad for Peach that her water broke.

The winner is Princess Cadance.

---Death Battle---

Next time on Side Battle...

"It's no fun anymore! There's got to be somebody out there that can put up a challenge."

Author's Note

Finally, the rock-paper-scissors game between Peach, Zelda, and Cadance is complete.

That's Show Business

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before scrolling down. Thank you.

A/N: Oh, right. I occasionally make ponies fight other ponies. That is a thing.
May contain slight spoilers for Friendship is Magic, Season 5 "Canterlot Boutique" and Season 6 "No Second Prances".

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and DHX Media.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season 5

Can we possibly fit in the same building as these ponies' egos?

Magic is the art of deception through illusions to create the desired effect. Though many fantasy elements use it as a form of power and raw destructive force, few have made it display to an entire audience of peers. It's all in the presentation.

Up is down and your blessings are your curses. Buy gold now!

... No.

What? Why didn't it work?

First of all, you can't use illusion magic. Secondly, I have a cybernetic filter over my eye. Science trumps magic. But as for today's illusionists, we have the self-proclaimed Great and Powerful Trixie.

She'll be going against the marketing, red-carpet puller of Canterlot Boutique, Sassy Saddles.

While other ponies in their universe have more direct fighting approaches, which of these two could outlast the other in a battle of misdirection and spectacle?

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

---DeathBattle---

Trixie
-Unicorn
-A performing magician by trade
-Travels everywhere in a wagon (unconfirmed whether or not she lives in it)
-Does not trust wheels
-Parlor tricks: Fireworks, flowers, rope "snake"
-Casual attire: Cape and wizard's hat
-At one point in concept development, was going to be a male character
-~~(Redacted)Alicorn Amulet powers: Teleportation, age spell, weather manipulation, dome summoning, whip cracking, feathers of death, agonizing pain spell(Redacted)~~

Alright, let's introduce this character for the umpteenth time.

For those of you that missed the beginning of this season of Death Battle, shame on you. However, we'll briefly cover the important tidbits of the unicorn that claims 'highest level' and 'Great and Powerful'. Inspired by Hoof-dini, (Seriously, that's the name they're going with?) Trixie spent her life practicing show magic. This type of magic focuses on illusion, misdirection, and high quality presentation.

Unlike the useful kind that can move the sun and moon, blast enemies, and foil the schemes of villains, Trixie's magic is meant for showing off.

B, that's rude. Tricking your opponent with displays of magic can be useful too.

Oh, yeah? It's called "Friendship is Magic", not "The Trixie Show".

Anyway, Trixie can levitate several objects at a time with her magic. Her favorite tools of the trade tend to focus around fireworks, smoke bursts, cards, flowers, and ropes. Each of which can be used as a distraction while her other tools can catch her opponents off guard.

She can also scare ponies with a thunder cloud which is meant more for noise rather than being painful.

Some of her greatest tricks include turning a rainbow into a small, physical tornado, giving Twilight's animal circus a flashy finish, and being shot out of a cannon face-first into the belly of a pony-eating manticore and surviving.

But that last one doesn't really say much since that was Starlight Glimmer's teleport spell that managed to free her from being digested. I mean, the only time Trixie's ever managed to legit teleport was when she had succumbed to an evil Alicorn Amulet, but she kind of gave it up for... a zebra's doorstop.

Which brings us to some of her downfalls. Trixie has admitted that she is jealous of Twilight's stronger magic. She even let her fixation of beating Twilight deafen her to her word choice around Starlight, nearly leading her to lose her first friend.

She also distrusts wheels for some reason... even though her wagon has wheels.

Humbled or greedy, blue or red, she'll keep reminding her peers and her audience that they'll never be able to top the amazingly show-stopping ability that is the Great and Powerful Trixie.

"That's a... bit of a mouthful."

"It's a working title."

---DeathBattle---

Sassy Saddles
-Unicorn
-Marketing manager at several fashion boutiques
-Knows how to make a sales pitch and garner attention toward a single point
-Has a tendency to claim hard work where it mostly belongs to her higher ups
-Is rather attracted to the front-stage spotlight
-Strategies involve maneuvering lights, backgrounds, and the dresses on display
-Does not appreciate puns such as "The Reign in Stain"
-Most of her previous work positions ended up driving the involved businesses to fail

At first glance, this pony looks it might just be a recoloring of Fleur, who in turn was just a wingless Season 1 Luna.

But there's more to this unicorn than just being yet another side character.

Sassy Saddles was hired on as Rarity's marketing manager in the extended Boutique opened in Canterlot. Her résumé included several managing positions in other fashion businesses all over.

Buy our T-shirts!

Sassy is adept at pitching a sale to the crowd and drawing attention towards the best-looking items in the product line. Aided by her natural levitation, her usual tools involve a spotlight, mannequins, outfits of all designs, and fabric and/or wallpaper backdrops that accentuate the dresses in just the right way.

Like our favorite nerdy main character, Saddles has a schedule laid out and down to the last possible picture. Once she gets rolling on it, it's almost impossible to change her mind and course. She knows how to bring in customer orders and keep them coming.

However, this can also work against her. She often forgets who is actually in charge of the business she is working for and neglects potential interest that customers might have had for the other items on display. This can lead to overworked and uninspired bosses, and usually ends with a pinned item for mechanical assembly lines that are good for quick and easy jobs, but not so good for customer specifications.

Sassy really likes taking the credit for hard work that isn't one hundred percent hers. She even got carried away, trying to claim Rarity's boutique for herself until good ol' Rares grew the balls to threaten to close the boutique just to remind everyone who was really the top dog, er... pony.

The actual reason that Sassy had so many previous positions was because each of those businesses had actually shut down. Most likely, her focus on the market and neglect for the other departments' conditions led to unbalanced priorities which led to the business owners feeling like they had no choice but to close.

Still, she was pretty darn good at playing the silver tongue for a while, making it seem like she was the only one doing the hard work and guilt-tripping other ponies to try and uphold promises that they really weren't mentally and/or physically prepared to meet. Hell, she might even be able to do the impossible: convincing a girl to stay with W for three whole hours.

... You know, this is getting a little too personal.

Let's see if she can't talk her way out of this battle.

"I've already put a pin in the first piece of the pattern."

---DeathBattle---

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a stage-diving Death Battle!

---DeathBattle---

Cue camera zooming into the city of Canterlot. A few more clicks of the camera lead to the sight of a fashionable building. Rarity is busy dropping off a few more unique designs before waving to a customer. Shortly after, she gives a quick nod to her hired help before trotting toward the exit. The boutique's bell rings. This new entry's face is currently off the screen.

"Have a marvelous day, darling," says Rarity, heading out of the place.

The current employee behind the counter smiles at the newcomer. "Welcome to Rarity's Canterlot Boutique. My name is Sassy Saddles. How might I help you?"

The customer hums. "I was wondering if you had something spectacular yet holding back. I'd like something with pizzazz, but it also has to be something that says, 'Don't buck with me.' "

"Ah, I... think I see." Sassy nods. "I'm sure we could find a suitable caped garment instead of... whatever that is."

An invisible flash goes through the would-be customer's mind and eyes. "Excuse you?"

"Plum purple is pish-poshly last week's color scheme." Sassy turns around to explore a rack of clothes, not realizing what effect her words are having on the other pony. "Perhaps, you'd look better in something like..."

"You would dare insult the Great and Powerful Trixie's versatile violet?!" A flash of purple, er... violet aura knocks her hat off and she magically yanks a couple clothing chests from outside into the building. "You will rue this day!"

Sassy turns around, gasping at the damage inflicted on the front wall. She then closes her mouth in a newfound frustration. "Ma'am, I should probably inform you that we reserve the right to refuse service to anypony. But, I'll serve you something else instead."

"FIGHT!"

One of the box-chests opens up. In Trixie's magic aura, a couple ropes rise up, curving left and right in a somewhat hypnotic dance. The sound effects man secretly plays a hissing noise very quietly.

Sassy's golden aura floats up a scarf from the rack. The sparkling red and knitted creation twirls around, circling the rope snakes. This scarf pulls itself over, under, and through. It does so again in a parallel yet opposite direction. The ropes' hissing is quelled by the scarf's square knot choking them down.

Sassy follows up by moving two mannequins in her magic. These pony-shaped figures seems to gallop through the air. They rush toward the caped intruder. A wallpaper with the image of a grassy field is also carried behind them by Sassy's magic.

The other box-chest opens up. Trixie pulls out a couple more tools: a black and white magician's wand and a bouquet of flowers. Seeming to dual-wield them in the air, Trixie swings them around to ward off the incoming mannequins. A few still-shots showcase her masterfully striking the fake ponies' heads and flanks. Her wand breaks. Her flowers are ruined. But the mannequins are bent and bruised against the walls on either side of the store.

Trixie slams her hooves down, unleashing a small burst of smoke. Sassy holds up a hoof to shield her eyes. The show mare does something unthinkable and jumps through the smoke, straight at Sassy. Another dust cloud forms as random punching and kicking sound effects play. As soon as they break apart, various little strings and patches come undone from both ponies' current outfits.

Trixie pants for breath. "The customer is always right."

Sassy breathes heavily in kind. "Canterlot Boutique cannot be held responsible for clothing-related injuries."

"Who said anything about the boutique?" Trixie huffs. "You're the disgrace."

"Thimbles and thumb-tacks!" Sassy gasps.

The golden aura drags out three different backdrops. Sassy directs the wallpapers for the dresses based on Celestia, Luna, and the Canterlot fountain at Trixie all at once. They wrap around the show mare tightly, muffling out some internal noise. There's a slight glimpse of the camera at a stray rope that's behind the counter for some reason.

"Thank you, and have a fabulous... day." Sassy exhales and holds a hoof to her head. "I am not paid enough to work like this."

A green firework bursts just at the top of the wallpaper wrap. It erupts into a flame, opening a whole for the trapped unicorn's horn. Trixie focuses her magic against her makeshift bindings. They expand outward before being ripped into haphazard shreds. She then floats several cards out of the box-chest.

"Pick a card," requests Trixie. "Every card!"

In a fashion of a children's card game anime, Trixie's magic makes the cards defy certain laws of air resistance. They spin around and ram against Sassy's body like ninja stars. The fashionista screams and shakes her hooves everywhere, trying to get the cards off.

"Augh! Please! Stop!" Sassy wails. "I'll do anything you want! Don't hurt me!"

A single card floats next to Trixie's head. "Okay."

Sassy looks hopeful. "Truly?"

"No."

The rope behind the counter springs to action under Trixie's magical influence. It quickly wraps one end around Sassy's neck while the other end flies up toward the ceiling. The sudden force to her windpipe causes Sassy to gasp for air. The rope swings around as Sassy goes limp with her tongue pushed slightly out of her mouth. Her eyes are forever open, staring at the entrance.

"Hmph," grunts Trixie as she turns around. She pulls her box-chests out with her. "What does Trixie have to do to get some decent service around here?"

The remaining playing card floats down behind her. As it hits the ground, the audience can see that it is the Queen of Spades.

"K.O.!"

---DeathBattle---

Ho ho ho! Somebody's pissed.

Under normal circumstances, neither one of these ponies is properly equipped for combat. However, Trixie has proven that she's at least willing to find ways to use deadly force if she deems it necessary.

But how could she win without the Alicorn Amulet? Wasn't that the only reason she stood a chance against Twilight?

Yes, but keep in mind that Sassy is no Twilight. Sassy's main talents involve playing to a pony's interest and giving them exactly what she thinks they desire. Meanwhile, while Trixie's magic is also mainly telekinesis, it is better suited for catching enemies off guard. Plus, she had more potentially lethal tools available to her than Sassy does.

Yeah, while their basic levitation magic is just about equal, Trixie had the slight advantage with pyrotechnics and smoke. These could be used to escape whatever tricks Sassy could pull off.

Sassy can keep ponies focused on one thing, but Trixie can keep her audience distracted while her real trick happens behind the visible space. It was only a matter of time before Sassy's attention was on the wrong part.

Looks like the loose Saddles are all tied up. Don't leave her hanging. She really stuck her neck out there.

The winner is Trixie.

---DeathBattle---

Author's Note

So, Trixie... uh... I'm sorry for not keeping an eye out for Discord in what was supposed to be your first battle in this season. Forgive me?
...
:trixieshiftright: The Grace and Merciful Trixie will think about it.
Eh, I'll take it.

RDP Presents... Side Battle: The Bird Flew Away

A/N: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" before you continue reading. Thank you.

Well... this ought to be fun. Warning: may contain spoilers for various MLP Abridged/Parody Series.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, Dawn Somewhere, Sherclop Pones, wacarb, and Scootertrix Studios.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Sixth

Sometimes, we just need a little filler to help us get through the day.

Hold on. Can we just take a moment? Before we get to the show that you were probably hoping to watch, I have an announcement. *Ahem.* Due to sickness shared by Side Battle hosts N and F, the staff at The Poetic Frozen Wasteland have called in temporary narrators - Oh! That's us - to take care of commentary roles. We, uh, apologize for their absence. But, we hope you can still enjoy the entertainment wrapped up in fantasy violence. Thank you. Let's, uh... get started!

Sorry...

N-No, it's okay. I already apologized for the both of us.

Oh... okay... I'm sorry. I didn't know.

So, uh... what do we do again?

Start the show with a catchy introduction and a common trait shared by the combatants in this match-up.

Oh, okay! I can do that. Let's see, um... Flying is really great! So is being blue!

Oh, I thought being blue was bad because it meant you were sad. If that's not true, then I'm sorry. I'm wrong.

Okay, now what?

Say the names of the combatants and at least one descriptor for each of them.

Right! On this side from some place called, uh... Fee-Wuh? ... is Rainbow Dash. Oh, cool! She's got the same name as me! I feel special!

And the other combatant is...?

I'm sorry. The other one is called The Bird... from Scootertrix. I'm sorry. I didn't say that quick enough.

You're fine, Mentally Advanced Series' Fluttershy.

Sorry for not noticing that I'm fine.

Wait, don't tell me! This is... the part where we say a cool letter to represent our names for the rest of the chapter. How about... LC? Yeah! I'll be LC.

That's two letters, Rainbow.

Sorry. I guess I'll stick with one just to make it a little more even. I'll be S... for "sorry".

...

What? Why is your monitor looking at me like that?

Aren't you going to say the part about weapons, armor, and skill?

But they don't carry any weapons or wear any armor. I guess we could just look at the skills and work from there.

If I had a face and a palm...

Wait, Rainbow? I mean... LC?

Yeah, S?

Don't you and our world's Pinkie Pie usually do random stuff together? Why couldn't you get her this time?

Oh, yeah. I tried asking her if she wanted to join me in being a talk show host, but...

"How did you escape my oven, yes?"

"Because I got bored, waiting around in there."

"But I had it chained shut so you would finish baking!"

"Later, loser that looks kind of like Pinkie."

"Get back down here and become Pinkie Pie's hot meal!"

"Sorry, can't hear you! I'm going through a tunnel."

"That is just a bunch of clouds in the sky!"

"I said that I can't hear you. I'm in a tunnel, idiot! Ha, fooled her."

"You did no such thing, yes."

She mentioned cooking and then something like "you-have-pea" or something. She left before I could ask for more details.

Oh... I'm sorry that she couldn't stay with you.

That's okay. Let's just get started.

~~~SideBattle~~~

Rainbow Dash(?)
-From the series: Friendship is Witchcraft
-Element of crossed-out Honesty AKA red-penned Loyalty
-Likes: Rainbows and dashing
-Dislikes: Spike
-Says her name a lot, especially when it doesn't make sense
-Colorblind and nearsighted
-Assumes she's too smart for the system
-Sometimes forgets that she's even a pegasus that's capable of flying

Wow, that's a lot of neat stats! Actually, what are 'stats'? Aren't they short for 'statistics'? But there aren't any numbers here. How can you have 'statistics' if there aren't any numerical data? Come to think of it, doesn't that require going out and finding samples of fixed variables to uncontrolled variables? I'm pretty sure probability comes into that field somewhere. Then again, I kind of blanked out during a few of my Statistics classes, so I might just be remembering the details wrong.

I'm sorry. I don't know what we're doing.

Explain to the audience who this character is and what they bring to the table.

Okay, so... Rainbow Dash is somehow a witchcraft version of me. I'm not sure how that works. I mean, as far as I can tell, the only ones who have ever committed curses, hexes, and enchantments are the rest of her friends. There is an awful lot of blood being shed for their rendition of Lord Smooze.

Oh no... those poor raccoons... What kind of monster does that?

Ew... it looks like their Twilight likes killing off new characters and stealing fiancees. Gosh, all of her friends seem rather insane. Their Applejack says random farm tools, their Pinkie Pie doubles as an orphaned Gypsy, and their Fluttershy is a cult leader that sets up bonfires for a single rabbit. I'm starting to think Rainbow Dash lucked out by only being colorblind, nearsighted, and a victim of short-term memory loss.

"Ew, what are these weird things on my back?"

I'm sorry to whomever has to live in that place.

So, uh... what can she do in a battle? Well, she has mastered signature moves like the Rainbow Kick and the Rainbow Spin, but these are actually just regular kicks and turns that she named herself. A lot of anime characters seem to do that, but Friendship is Witchcraft isn't an anime. I'm not sure what good that really does her. I once tried naming a bunch of moves after some cool adjectives like Lightning Pass and Exploding Boom, but I kind of gave that up when I realized it wasn't increasing my power output at all.

It didn't work out for you? I'm sorry.

Still, she doesn't seem to slow down just because somebody tries to point out weaknesses that she could work on. She might even be more prideful than the Rainbow Dash from the canonical fourth generation show. When they sort of go backwards in the order of the first three episodes then skip ahead into the future with later episodes, I guess stunting character growth is a side effect that you risk.

"Well it is a tall thing."

~~~SideBattle~~~

The Bird
-From: Scootertrix the Abridged Series
-Element of Loyalty... eventually
-Has a tendency to lose train of thought very quickly at sea level/ground level
-Can fly very quickly
-Arch-nemesis: Derpy Hooves (or so the wall-eyed pegasus claims)
-Thinks much more clearly at high altitudes
-Supposedly a committer of deeds; she'll "never tell"

Coming from her version of Cloudsdale is somebody called The Bird. That's odd. She looks kind of like Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, and me.

Wait LC, why did you say 'Rainbow Dash' twice?

No, I didn't. I said, 'Rainbow Dash' as in the one from the real show, 'Rainbow Dash' from Fee-Wuh, and me: the Rainbow Dash of MAS.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what you meant.

It's okay, S. You're okay. Want to get some ice cream after this is over? Oh, but they're out of chocolate. All they've got left is vanilla.

Okay... Ice cream makes me feel better.

Cool. So, back to The Bird. Apparently, she's as fast a flier as any of the other versions of Rainbow Dash. Though, it seems she loses some of her ability to think clearly when she flies down toward the ground or sea level.

"Hello?"

"Hello."

"Yes, hi."

"Hello."

Also, she seems to have mistaken herself for an escaped criminal going undercover.

"What did you do?!"

"I'll never tell."

So, I guess her hindrance to maintain her train of thought is what's going to even her out with the memory loss of Fee-Wuh's Dash.

One time, Derpy claimed herself to be Dash's arch-nemesis. But since these battles don't usually allow for outside help or handicaps, I don't think that will have an effect on how things go. I'm sorry.

So... is that it? Did we do good?

That was... satisfactory.

Awesome!

"I want to talk about... The Snack."

~~~SideBattle~~~

'kay. I guess they're all set to go. Let's see who wins!

I'm sorry in advance to whoever loses.

~~~SideBattle~~~

Some faded outlines shine around pony-shapes after the gates open. Some electric synth starts out with a slow beat before picking up into a much more rapid rhythm. More outlined shapes pop up and walk in from the opposite direction. Words zip by like those from some opening credits.

Celestia

Luna

Pinkie Pie

The Bird

Guest Star: Rainbow Dash

...

Um... right, then. Three alternating notes sound dramatic on a visual of Canterlot Castle. A tall, magenta window depicts the union of Shining Armor, Cadance, and the Crystal Empire that they rule. Standing at its base, Celestia is snickering to herself as Luna approaches.

"Oh, crud." Luna shakes her head as she takes her standing spot. "What is it this time?"

"I've done it!" Celestia opens her wings with confidence. "Finally! I've located the dimension from which the invading spies came from!"

"Didn't you say that when you discovered the universe where my pen-pal Luna is from?" Luna tilts her head. "We don't want to make that mistake again."

"Pfft, nonsense!" denies Celestia, staring at the window with intensity. "I'm absolutely certain about it this time. It will totally be different. I'll send over someone so insanely brilliant, that we'll have all the intel before they can realize what we're up to. Guess who I'm sending, Luna."

Luna rolls her eyes, or at least the one that the audience can see from this angle. "Our Elements of Generosity, Kindness, and Loyalty."

"And that's where you're wrong!" Celestia stomps a hoof and smirks. "Oh, silly little sister. I'm not going to do the same three-of-a-kind trick that we wasted on the so-called 'Adult' universe. This... shall be completely different! This time, we'll only need... the one."

"Only one?" Luna puts a hoof against her face. "Celestia, do you not remember what trying to use only one Element bearer did a thousand years ago?"

"That was to match prophecy and you know it!" counters Celestia.

"Well... who is it?" Luna holds a hoof to the side.

"Here's a hint: Have you ever heard the word?"

Luna blinks. "What word?"

Meanwhile, thousands of light-years away...

"My faithful student-"

"Princess of the Night: Twilight Sparkle the future alicorn here!" This universe's lavender unicorn rapidly blinks her eyes while smiling innocently.

"Ugh." Celestia facehoofs. "What was my sister thinking when she traded her title like that?" She shakes her head. "Anyway, there's been a disturbance of energy coming over in the Everfree Forest. I need you to go find out what's going on so that-"

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight waves. "Go take care of that trivial task while Celestia bends her tail and hoof for me."

The Element of ~~Honesty~~ Loyalty flies away after saying, "Rainbow Take-Off!"

Celestia raises a hoof. "But, that's not quite what I meant-"

"Of course you can have my children, Celestia." Twilight smiles sweetly while levitating a bloody knife.

...

"I've made a terrible mistake." Celestia takes several steps back.

Meanwhile, at the... other place...

A certain pegasus looks around at the trees and wildlife. "Hmm... I'm not sure I actually changed worlds. This forest looks just like the one at home."

"Rainbow Gasp!"

"Hmm?" The first pegasus turns around. "Huh. That's weird. You look like me."

"Ha! You can't fool me!" The newcomer points. "You don't look anything like me. You're a blob of colors while I'm a pony."

Both of them hover in the air, doing nothing else for a few seconds.

...

"Hello?"

"Hello."

The next pause is as awkward as the first.

...

"What are you Rainbowing here any Dash?" This pony crosses her front hooves.

"I'll never tell." She holds her aerial stance.

"That sounds like an un-Rainbow kind of thing to say." She points a hoof. "I ought to Dash you some Rainbows."

"FIGHT!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Is this pony shouting her name as she flies forward? It's hard to say. "Rainbow Spin!"

FiW's Dash flies around and around, creating a tornado composed of seven colors. She flies out and around the circumference of her windstorm. She gives herself a pat on the back. But she yelps a surprised "Dash" when the tornado shrinks down. The Bird flies around and around in the opposite direction. The first tornado eventually blows away as a gentle breeze.

"What the Dash did you do?"

The Bird looks deadpanned. "I'll never tell."

Suddenly, Rainbow straps on somebody else's black belt around her wings. She lands on a tree, then catapults off. She lifts her hind leg in the direction of her Rainbow enemy.

"Rainbow Kick!"

As her opponent waits around, the camera zooms out to watch Rainbow soar way off to the side. Rainbow lands in the canopy of another tree and bumps against a few branches. Coincidentally, a twig snaps off and cuts her belt, freeing her wings in the process. She shakes herself free and flies up to about the same elevation as The Bird.

"So, you think you're hot stuff, huh?" She puts her hooves against either of her own sides.

"No, the temperature's just fine." The Bird smiles gently. "But thanks for the concern."

"Oh, a smart-Dash." Rainbow lifts her brow. "I respect that."

"I wasn't joking. This is actually the most comfortable temperature I've felt in a while."

...

"Rainbow Climb!" Rainbow flies straight up as quickly as possible.

The Bird looks up, then flies up too. "Do all of her moves start with Rainbow?" You can almost hear the gears in her head start to turn and clear away some dust from her skull.

Rainbow clears the cloud line and laughs. "Yeah! This is so much more Rainbow."

After a second or two, The Bird flies up with a rather bored look on her face.

"Ready to taste the Pain-Bow?" Rainbow bonks her front hooves together.

When the camera flips back to The Bird's last position, it seems she is no longer there.

"Huh? Where'd you Dash off to?" Rainbow wildly looks left and right.

A ROY-G-BIV streak slams against Rainbow from the left. Another one hits her from the right. After that, some more ziplines of the same color spectrum slam against that pegasus from all over the place. She squints and tries punching the air around her, but she can't see anything but blurred dots and lines.

After a few more streaks pass by, an X-Ray camera shows the bones inside Rainbow's wings cracking and collapsing on themselves.

"Augh! What the Rainbow just happened?!" She falls down around the cloud line.

"I just remembered where the pressure points are in pegasi wings." The Bird appears in a streak and then crosses her front hooves.

"Since when do I have wings?" calls out Rainbow. There's a crashing sound and she leaves a large imprint in the ground. "Rain...bow... Blarf." She ceases to move.

"Well... I'm not sure what I just did, but I think that's good enough to call it 'Mission Accomplished'." She turns around and flies away. "Time to head home."

"K.O.!"

~~~SideBattle~~~

Wow! She really did a number on that Witchcraft pony.

Ah! I'm sorry! Please don't beat me up!

Huh? Why would I do that? I don't want to hurt anybody.

Wait... Pinkie Pie? Your voice sounds... different.

Oh yeah! I'm the Pinkie from the Scootertrix series. I'm a little more relaxed than some of the other Pinkie Pies.

Oh. So, um... what are you doing here?

I wanted to go find The Bird to give her some backup on her mission. But I seem to have made a wrong turn somewhere. Then again, it looks like she's doing just fine on her own.

Yeah, I mean... she beat up Fee-Wuh's Rainbow Dash really good. They looked kind of matched up as far as how fast they could go and how smart they both were, but as soon as they get a little higher... Bam! The Bird can really spring into action. To add insult to injury, Rainbow literally could not see what was happening to her.

So... just to be perfectly clear, nobody's going to beat me up now. Right? I'm sorry, I just can't be too careful.

Yeah! You wouldn't believe how many good ideas The Bird comes up with when she's in the sky on her home turf. Although, the altitude kind of gives our Fluttershy an annoying personality. Maybe it's just a pegasus thing in our series.

I guess. I mean, it's not like S and I get any cool brain or personality perks when we're in Cloudsdale. I still feel kind of lazy except for opportunities to fly with the Wonderbolts, so... yeah.

Anyway, I should go. There are a bunch more holes that I've gotta go patch up in the Fourth after The Bird gets home. See you!

The Scootertrix Pinkie Pie hops off screen and is never seen on this show again.

Um... I'm sorry, LC. I didn't know what to do.

It's okay. Here. I picked up a couple ice cream bars to share.

Oh. ... Thank you.

And the winner is...?

Huh? Oh, right! The Bird totally wins that battle. Thanks for watching with us, everybody. See you later. I'm sure N and F will be better by the time Side Battle comes around again.

~~~SideBattle~~~

Next time on Death Battle...

Clearing a 19-foot gap in a single bound, he can roll with the punches.

But will his luck run out in an author's next book?

Author's Note

I liked the birds.
-Good for you, man.

But Hey, That's Just A Battle... A Death Battle!

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that you can read brightly colored text. Thank you.

Okay, admittedly this is a bit of a stretch. But since one of the combatants doesn't actually sing in their platform, I didn't think it would be right to match him up against Mr. Presley.

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and "Game Theorists".

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

Season the Seventh

Mic check! Test, test, is this thing on?

Celebrities, internet personalities, and face-to-face charisma... where does the line get drawn between facade and reality? For some, it's as simple as what goes on camera and what doesn't. For others, it's a little fuzzier.

For reasons only known to us, this match up is between a couple individuals that say one thing when they know they're being watched, yet somehow cause people to rage against each other with a few well-placed words.

Gladmane, the pony phenomenon of Las Pegasus.

And MatPat, the video game/film theorist of America. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

///DeathBattle\\

Gladmane
-Species: Earth pony
-Has a visage similar to Elvis Presley
-Presumably single
-Appreciates giant golden statues of himself
-In charge of many of the acts in Las Pegasus (a semi-kid-friendly version of Las Vegas)
-Often gets actor duos arguing against each other to prevent himself from losing any diplomatic power
-Can see through disguises
-Can't tell when another pony's hoof is against the speaker button until after it gets pointed out

A door opens in the background.

Hold up! What are you doing here? This is a match between actual characters.

Maybe, but W mentioned that it's difficult to draw the line between actor and real person. We're not going to leave this battle to chance.

Uh... okay then. Say hi to N, everyone!

We only have the information given to us by one episode, but that's usually enough to start a small informative speech about any character. Gladmane is an obvious reference to Elvis Presley, the historical "King of Rock".

But his flashy outfit and excessive hair gel are about where the similarities end. Instead of writing songs about being in the military or about dancing in prison, this pony is charged as the manager of entertainment in Las Pegasus. Wait a minute, if the name is a reference to Las Vegas, then why are so many of the attractions something I'd find in a pizza-themed arcade or an amusement park?

I'm sure there are plenty of new ideas being written about that very concept as we speak, B. Back to Gladmane himself, he was very proud of his position and ownership of practically every act that passed through Las Pegasus. Animal-training duos, acrobatic magicians... he even oversaw the employment of con-artists Flim and Flam after their last departure from Ponyville.

As it turns out, he wasn't exactly altruistic. In fact, he was kind of scared of any two ponies that really worked together while they were in the city. Apparently, cooperation is such a strong force in Equestria that two heads could take ownership of the city straight out of Gladmane's hooves. So, how did he deal with this threat to his good name? Did he form business partnerships and make sure he owned 51 percent of the shares?

One, partnerships don't carry stock. That's corporations. Two, Gladmane did not do that. Instead, he talked behind these duos' backs and convinced each individual that they were somehow making life harder for the other half. This, in turn made sure that no one would be smart enough to rise against him.

I think that kind of plan would quickly fall apart if any of the duos, oh I don't know, talked to the other person/pony. I mean, we wouldn't have much of an episode to dissect, but there's got to be some room for common sense somewhere.

And that's about when the Friendship Castle's map brought Applejack and Fluttershy in. While their personalities don't really match the atmosphere of Las Pegasus, their combined traits of truth-seeking and kind understanding helped figure out the best solution.

Convince the con artists to regroup and trick Mr. Elvis Impersonator to reveal his plan over the overhead speaker. ... Something doesn't sound quite right about that plan. Like, what's stopping the con artists from rolling in after Gladmane flees out of shame?

Well...

Applejack covers her head as a crowd rushes to where the Flim Flam brothers are guiding everyone. "Flim and Flam!"

... nothing stopped them.

Oh, yeah. So, there must be something I'm missing about Gladmane's charismatic side. I mean, he had to have rolled a ridiculously high persuasion check to convince long-time friends to fight against each other without even questioning his words.

How do you know role-playing terminology?

What? I've played Fallout games before. The sarcastic talk bubbles are sometimes just as fun as shooting everyone in the face.

O...kay then.

"I like the folks that come here to have a unique experience. Uh-huh-huh."

///DeathBattle\\

MatPat
-Full name: Matthew Robert Patrick
-Internet personality, writer, actor, and producer
-Education from Duke University
-Married to Stephanie
-Famous for "theory" video series "Game Theory" and "Film Theory", focusing mostly on video games and movies respectively
-Has other theater experience; had to pay to participate as an actor(?)
-10M+ subscribers on YouTube
-Has gotten caught in various internet wars between rabid supporters, people that point out holes in his "theories", and some negative comments; has a tendency to get defensive and call out "haters"
-Addiction: Diet Coke

For as long as military computers were reprogrammed to play simple pong, a niche of people has been fascinated with what goes on behind the video game.

Enter MatPat, a giant among video game theorists and a few original web series.

Born as Matthew Robert Patrick, he studied at Duke University and attempted to start out his career in acting, uploading videos as early as 2009. It didn't pan out quite like he thought it would.

By the way, you guys can call me F in case you forgot who I was.

Sure. After a few years, he started putting his thoughts and ideas about video games onto the YouTube platform. While he calls his primary web series Game Theory, the ideas and inferences are not really testable in real life. At best, these can technically be called hypotheses.

A Game Hypothesis! ... Ow, that doesn't roll off the tongue quite as nicely.

Over time, some of his fans forgot that the actual game theory was about a dilemma regarding how partners in crime react when separated and offered a complicated deal to potentially reduce their sentences if and only if both remain silent. Through the few years, MatPat has covered ideas behind the machinations of several video games, ranging from the Elder Scrolls to Mario and from Five Nights at Freddy's to Bendy and the Ink Machine.

Whether any of that information is true or not, he has managed to garner over ten million subscribers. Ten million! That's got to be about how many people are in the world, right?

Not quite, F. Earth's total population is currently estimated to be over 7.5 billion people. To put it in perspective, MatPat's subscriber count isn't even close to one percent of that population.

Well, *ess*. Way to be a hater, W.

What? I'm not being a hater. I'm just pointing out a simple fact.

Try telling that to MatPat. Every comment or video out there that points out the holes in his arguments or simply says they don't particularly care for his content gets instantly labeled as a "hater" in his eyes.

Yes... well... the criticism isn't without some basis of constructive insight. For example, one of MatPat's formulas regarding Wario calculated that the fat, garlic-lover somehow reached a height of 10 feet. Considering stories estimated that the real-life giant Goliath was barely over 9 feet tall, that should have at least raised some alarm bells prior to publishing the video. Notice how Wario in many iterations barely stands over Mario's official height of 5'11''.

And in another video, he somehow came to the conclusion that Sans and Papyrus are the two halves of mystery character W.D. Gaster, even though he also said that this Gaster fellow somehow talked to Sans prior to being split apart. It's tough to defend your position on data that only exists in the software universe. He should know better than to assume things are true and then get mad when somebody else has the nerve to think ever so slightly differently from himself.

Still, he has enough charisma to convince people that there's something worth continuing to watch on his channel, and even carry over to his other channels that involve film hypotheses and live recordings. He also managed to marry.

But if there's one thing he can't get away from even worse than the FNAF demands from kids on YouTube that lie about being over 18, it's his addiction to Diet Coke.

*Something fizzy pops.*

Um... why did you open a beer can?

No reason.

"Do an Aileron roll!"

///DeathBattle\\

Alright, the combatants are set.

Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time...

... for a Death Battle!

///DeathBattle\\

Lights flash. Bells and whistles ring and blow respectively. Drink glasses chime against each other at various tables. It seems our cameras are taking footage of the insides of a casino complex. There are several attendees here, wearing business suits and other formal attire. However, there are some gaudy outfits that blind any viewers unlucky enough to stare for too long.

One semi-circle of guests is at the end of their applause for the most recent act. A black-maned pony and a blue-haired woman take a bow before turning around and walking backstage.

A baritone voice over a loudspeaker hollers, "Coloratura and Azura, everybody! Uh-huh-huh!"

The image zooms in through the curtains and we can see some smaller rooms. Most of them have names written on large, golden stars attached to the door. On one such door, there is a picture of a green trophy surrounded by a circle cut in quarters. Inside of this room, there is what sounds like the laughter of a happy couple.

"Hang on, I have to use the bathroom." The young lady stands up.

"You going to dive out like Papyrus?" The man smiles.

"Oh yeah, let me just jump out the nonexistent window in this guest room."

They both laugh at the inside joke. The woman gently opens the door before walking up the hallway. The guy sighs as he adjusts his long tie again. He finally manages to get the knot done adequately before the door opens again.

"That was qui-" He turns around. "Oh! You're not Steph."

"Sorry to disappoint, Mr... Matthew, was it?" A stallion in rather flashy attire and quote, unquote "suave" hair, walks in. "But I couldn't stop the Mrs. from... examining my fine merchandise, if you know what I'm saying."

Allegedly, Matthew loses his cheerful demeanor and turns serious. "What."

"Now, Mr. Pat, you must understand, I did my utmost to shrug her off. Truly, I did." The stallion holds a hoof up to his forehead to perform a mockery of a faint. "But you of all people know how strong her natural instincts are, don't you?"

Five fingers clench into a fist. "I'd like to share a new theory I just came up with. It's called, 'A Horse is a Horse, Except When It's Lying of Course!' "

"FIGHT!"

The imagery switches to an animation in the style of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Chibi-MatPat runs over and delivers three punches, two right jabs and a left hook, to the 2D sprite of Gladmane. Naturally, Gladmane flinches at the 8-bit impacts. Gladmane holds up his hooves defensively against the next punching round. After that, he turns around shakes his knees sporadically before swinging them into a spin-kick.

Given the stallion's approximate height, his hooves end up hitting MatPat right in the groin. The animation switches to a sort of 3D effect to capture actual MatPat's expression of pain. He can barely voice his current anguish and holds a hand over that area. He attempts to punch out with his remaining hand. That fist ends up slamming against an incoming hoof.

Both combatants shake their respective limbs to try and cool them off. Gladmane makes a break for the door and slams it behind himself. At this time, Stephanie returns from the other end of the hall.

"What's going on?" she asks.

"Oh, uh... nothing at all." Gladmane steps out of the way. "Please, go right on in."

She blinks and raises her brow. "Okay... weird pony/man." She lifts a hand to the doorknob.

Unfortunately, this is about the time the door slams open. From the looks of things, a slightly red-faced MatPat is holding his foot up in a karate kick pose. But an instant after the door is kicked open, Stephanie lets out a yelp. MatPat gasps in horror when he sees the woman being crushed between the open door and the wall behind it.

"Why, Mr. Patrick, how could you be so heartless?" asks Gladmane while straightening out his mane. "Kicking a door open like that without checking if someone is on the other side."

"But I didn't- that wasn't- I..." MatPat stammers for a response from within the milkshake of emotions.

Stephanie manages to push the door off of her. She ends up running down the hall away from both of them. MatPat steps in that direction while holding out his arms in desperation. But she is already way too far away for it to matter. He grunts and looks back at the stallion.

"Look what you made me do!" His reached out arm now ends in an index finger.

"My dear boy, I didn't make you do anything of the sort." The stallion massages his hoof. "Or did you forget that you threw the first punch in this little squabble?"

"You...You... frigging hater!" MatPat runs over and tries his wide punches again.

Gladmane manages to back up enough to avoid each of the swings. "I'm pretty sure the only one spouting such toxic tones of voice is yourself-uh, thank you very much."

"Hater, hater, hater, hater, hater!" MatPat's punches get more rapid and desperate.

The last punch ends up in an uppercut in the style of a Shoryuken. This sends Gladmane sliding back a little ways on his hooves. After a few seconds, the stallion lowers his head back to his usual eye level. He wipes his recently punched face and catches the sight of a small trickle of blood.

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Gladmane asks. "Better yet, does she know what awful things you do with your hands on your down time?"

"You leave my mother out of this!" MatPat runs forward intent on busting more than just a lip this time.

However, just as he gets within striking distance, Gladmane lifts his front hooves and stomps down hard. An X-ray visual shows the bones in MatPat's toes cracking in a few places. Back to regular vision, MatPat drops to a sitting position while grabbing his foot with both hands. He yells before hissing through his teeth. This goes on for about three repetitions.

"If any-creature asks, this was self-defense."

Gladmane's remark is followed by a swift, hind leg kick to MatPat's head. The man collapses onto the floor, completely horizontal. There's a shout of dismay. Stephanie comes running back and leans down next to her spouse. After a quick check for vital signs, she slowly stands up. Her hair covering her face makes it difficult to tell what her mood is.

"Serves him right for hurting you like that earlier," says Gladmane, "wouldn't you ag-"

His eyes shrink as the woman's fist suddenly appears much larger than it conceivably should be. A Japanese kanji symbol appears, filling up the screen and essentially censoring whatever makes a slamming sound, followed by a huge splash of red. All that are visible of Gladmane after that are his hooves and his outfit.

Stephanie picks up MatPat's body and slowly walks out of the scene.

K.O.?

///DeathBattle\\

I'm sorry. What the hell just happened?

Yeah, I was about to ask that same thing.

Well, I'm trying to wrap my head around all of the events and how they correspond to our data. From what we've gathered, neither Gladmane nor MatPat are all that grand in the actual fighting department.

Best-case scenario, we can give them full knowledge of the typical flailing tactics of people that have never taken a martial arts class in their lives. Mat might be able to act the part of whatever role he plays in theater, but that choreography doesn't always translate well to real, life-or-death situations like a Death Battle simulation.

What Gladmane does have going for him is that his emotional facade is slightly harder to remove than MatPat's emotional state in general. But, MatPat does technically have the intelligence advantage in how many fields he has been willing to take a look at, albeit most of them being passing glances at certain subjects.

So... what you're telling me is that neither one can really fight to the death when push comes to shove.

But apparently that doesn't apply to his wife? Doesn't she have a little too much hair to be the next Saitama?

Never underestimate a woman's intuition. Ever. N's slit eyes narrow while looking at the other hosts.

Uh... noted.

Yeah, crystal clear. *gulp* I guess the, um... findings were inconclusive, but they were glad that they mane.

Really? That's your combination pun for this fight?

Cut me some slack! I'm being stared down by a...a...

Yes? Stared down by a what?

Mm...

*Ahem* I guess the winner is... Stephanie.

///DeathBattle\\

Author's Note

Hmm... do you think this is too much stuff I'm putting in one chapter?
...
Sorry, just thinking with my keyboard here. Don't mind me.

Edgy Much? Moving Forces

Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" so that colored text is legible. Thank you.

What? Were Shadow the Hedgehog and Batman too busy?

Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, DEATH Battle channel, and Sega.

The Moment No Pony was Waiting For

(A Death Battle Parody)

~On the ground I lay...~

You know what I hate? Characters that try way too hard to look edgy to their peers.

Well, I hate to disappoint you. But today's match is all about the wannabe edgelords, particularly those that work for more comical and mentally unstable bosses.

Hey, I'm cool with that! It'll be one less edgelord camping shots at me in my backyard.

You live in a trailer park.

Not the point. We've got Infinite the Jackal from Sonic Forces!

And Tempest Shadow from My Little Pony: The Movie (2017).

He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

~~~Death Battle~~~

Tempest Shadow

-Real name: Fizzlepop Berrytwist
-Species: Unicorn
-Damaged horn, unable to cast spells with any control beyond fireworks
-Worked for the "Storm King"
-Adapted hoof-to-hoof combat
-Leather armor
-Orbs that repel magic and trap victims in stone
-Emotionally unstable

One day in Canterlot City, the capital of the magical land Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle was trying to present a last-minute idea for their first ever Friendship Festival. But growing neurosis was the least of her problems as that was the same day they had uninvited guests.

Yeah... the villain of the weekend was some ape guy calling himself the "Storm King". He sent a blimp with some of his big, ugly troops led by... gasp! A unicorn with a broken horn! We've totally never seen that before!

You've never seen pony creator versions of fan art then.

It was a joke, W. Come on! Work with me here.

This unicorn called herself Tempest Shadow and she openly demanded that the ponies surrender. Now, what exactly could stand up to so many ponies with magical powers, let alone the closest thing pony-kind had to gods all present at once? The answer is magic-proof armor and magic-reflecting rocks.

Basically, plot armor working for the bad guys. The irony!

Born as Fizzlepop Berrytwist, Tempest was a unicorn that once had childhood friends. But then, something with an Ursa Minor happened and broke her horn down to a jagged stub. Then, her friends sort of... left without a word. She was damaged both physically and emotionally.

Wait, a pony that was abandoned by their friend and then she turned around and swore the destruction of all other ponies' lives in retaliation? Isn't that the back story for Starlight Glimmer?

Not exactly. Starlight took it upon herself to look for magic-containment rocks and built a small village from the ground up. Tempest looked to the aid of a powerhouse that promised to fix her horn after she completed her services.

But why did she seek help from a lightning monkey? Wouldn't it make more sense to seek surgery from another unicorn? You know, someone that actually has that body part and knows how it's supposed to look?

Well... it's not the only time any villain has ever fallen for a trick that looks stupid in hindsight.

Fair enough. Go on.

Without her horn to reliably cast spells, Tempest had to learn to fight mainly with her hooves. Additionally, she wears the same colored, magic-proof armor as those in the Storm King's army. In a way, it protects her from her own miscasts as well as magic from enemy unicorns.

She also carries around a bunch of special black rocks. These things can reflect magic powerful enough to destroy bridges. They're also great for making life-size statues of any creature that they touch... meaning that they trap the actual creatures in stone. Huh... When did My Little Pony get so dark?

That would be back in 1986, when one of the older television specials transformed ponies into shadowy dragons while under the control of an evil master.

Oh. ... S*Ess*t.

Anyway, surprise! The Storm King was lying about restoring the horn all along! So when he tried to turn Twilight and her friends into stone, Tempest leapt in the way and knocked him over a ledge. He got caught by one of his own petrifying orbs and smashed to pieces upon hitting the ground below. Later that night, Tempest became their friend and revealed her true name.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie doesn't sound so ridiculously childish.

While she seems to have a few years of combat experience, her cold personality and bursts of anger make it difficult to completely remain in control of the fight. If she isn't careful, she could end up following her former boss in a pile of pebbles.

... Was that a pun?

Yes!

Don't ever do that again.

Aw...

~Open up your eyes...~

~~~Death Battle~~~

Infinite

-Real name: (Stripped from official records)
-Species: Anthro jackal
-Mild injury to face; wears a mask at all times
-Worked for Dr. Eggman
-Phantom Ruby: Enables levitation, flight, and illusions so convincing that victims actually experience the pain
-Exceptional reaction speed
-Prone to monologue
-Has yet to convince anyone aside from himself that he's "not weak"

Not much is known about the masked presence that joined forces with Dr. Eggman. What we have managed to gather was that he started out as a mercenary, leading his own squad of other anthropomorphic creatures: Jackal Squad.

Some fans call this pre-masked version "Zero", but I'm not convinced that they really want to steal from both Megaman X and Coke Zero. So, he'll just go nameless for now.

Earlier that day, Eggman had stumbled across a strange, red rock that granted him a vision of an empire exactly as it looked in one of his dreams. But as quickly as he had gotten a glimpse, the vision faded. Almost immediately, his base was invaded by a band of mercenaries on a raid. This was the first available documentation of Jackal Squad's hits.

Thinking quickly about how the ruby had made his whole world seem like something else, Eggman dreamed himself up a bunch of Eggman robots to deal with these intruders. By sheer dumb luck, the ruby caught the Jackal Squad in a vision so life-like that they were nearly gunned down by the illusions.

Okay, wait. That is not how illusions work. Even if your senses of hearing and sight were somehow fooled by something like Matrix programming, you can't actually bleed if whatever cut your vessels didn't actually exist to break skin. Virtual reality is not 3D printing in real-time!

W, it's probably best if you don't think about stuff. Otherwise, you're going to get a headache... and maybe that blue-screen some computers experience when they overload programs.

*sigh* Anyway, the alleged "Ultimate Mercenary" was so impressed by this power that Eggman held that he decided to accept Eggman's offer to join sides. But then, Shadow the Hedgehog came by on a reconnaissance mission and pretty much wiped out the rest of the squad that had stayed behind. The jackal tried to attack back, but he was quickly overwhelmed and received a cut on his face.

That's why he wears a mask? Come on! Even Dr. Doom's facial cut was bigger before he stuck a metal mask over it. Why do these guys keep overreacting to these minor wounds? At least all of your limbs are still real! I have a shotgun for a leg!

Using the power of the Phantom Ruby, the mercenary called himself Infinite, and helped Eggman attack various cities of the world. Naturally, Sonic the Hedgehog ran in to save the day. However, everyone was shocked when Infinite somehow moved fast enough to avoid the blue blur's attacks. Then, the new team captured Sonic and locked him up on a rebuilt Death Egg prison for six months.

Not that it did anything to Sonic's attitude. You'd think they were just giving the hedgehog a nice vacation with how his attitude was still cocky and arrogant before he managed to escape.

Almost all of Infinite's power comes from the Phantom Ruby. These include flight, levitation, and creating the reality-and-sense-breaking illusions that somehow hurt victims as much as real objects and creatures would. I cannot believe we are just meant to accept this.

Oh, his powers aren't nearly as bad as his monologue. The guy never shuts up! It's almost always about fear in enemies that isn't actually there and about how he isn't weak and how he isn't weak and how he isn't weak...

You said "how he isn't weak" three times now.

How many times do you think he said it if that's how many times I can remember without even looking at the game again?

Oh. ... Great.

The guy's over-reliance on the Phantom Ruby tends to mean he rarely gets his own hands dirty. He almost acts like the fight is boring him, even when that enemy is a kid with their own prototype of illusion-casting that managed to negate one of his attacks.

All the posing and posturing eventually led to Infinite's defeat against the tag-team of Sonic and a self-insert character. And then Eggman fell to a three-man team of Sonic, another dimension's Sonic, and that self-insert character.

What kind of drugs does it take to make this game and call its current state a finished product?

I'd put the blame more on the company heads that want the money and don't understand how time and required software works. But I digress.

Whatever the case, Infinite didn't last very long. ... See, W? This is how I make a pun. Don't try to imitate.

I hate you right now.

~I'm the toughest of terrors. I am the darkest of days...~

~~~Death Battle~~~

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

~~~Death Battle~~~

We get an overhead view of a settlement in a desert. Flaps over a street market shake in the hot winds. A windmill squeaks obnoxiously loudly. Some guy knifes another creature's pouch and runs off with a few coins. A stray child takes shelter against a wall behind a dumpster.

Inside a bar-in-the-wall place, a biped beast wipes grime off the counter with a rag. A broken analog clock ticks, but its second hand is stuck at a spot between the "1" and the "2". There's a large jukebox that just switched tracks to a song that is somehow calming, yet ominous at the same time.

A pony walks in with a magenta Mohawk, a broken horn, and a scar over her eye. She holds up a picture and her horn sparks. The bartender lifts his hands in the air and shakes his head wildly. She leaves in a huff, but not before blasting the jukebox with enough volts that the song cuts off in the middle.

Meanwhile, several robots start marching through the alleys and the streets. It is possible that their presence started a chain of burning buildings on their way in. But any shots from their weapons while on screen aren't starting any new fires. A few giant soldiers in black and blue armor slam their fists against the robots, pinning them to the sand in piles of nuts and bolts.

"What the hay are these things?" asks the dark horse.

One of her soldiers shrugs an arm before getting zapped in the face by a stray, red blast. When the unicorn turns to look for an enemy, a floating red figure graces the field with his presence. He holds a hand against the "nose" of his mask while a gem on his chest glows in patterns of black and red.

A loudspeaker erupts from a floating machine in the distance. "You are interfering with a Dr. Eggman takeover! Stand down or get shot! Infinite, take care of any resistance!"

The masked creature holds his arms open wide. "It seems my hands are tied. If your pitiful buffoons won't stop destroying the doctor's property, then we'll have no choice but to destroy you."

"Destroy us?" The unicorn laughs curtly. "You're hilarious!" She glances at one of her remaining soldiers. "Focus on tearing up the rest of these things. I'll handle Mr. Bigshot!"

The soldier salutes and leaps over a building on top of a group of robots. Meanwhile, the floating anthro seems to chuckle in mild amusement.

"You can't fool me with your false bravado." His bushy tail twitches. "I see a scared, little girl in the depths of the soul in your eyes. You are but a lonely child who has lost everything near and dear. What hope can you possibly have to stand up to that which is Infinite? It is not unlike an ant trying to fight a killer whale."

Sparks dance on her stub of a horn. "Just shut up and-"

FIGHT!

Tempest Shadow gallops over to the side of a building. She jumps up along two walls that are really close to each other. This allows her to reach a rooftop within seconds. She leaps through the air and the floating enemy.

Infinite seems to blink out of his spot and instantly appears five inches to his right. The dark unicorn can't even reach a hoof to him as she tries a roundhouse kick. He crosses his arms, creating a sphere of red light to appear around himself. When he reaches out both, the sphere expands with what sounds like a series of really slow record scratches.

As the red light passes over her, Tempest groans before landing on the next rooftop. Is her vision going weird, or is the air actually flickering in a pattern of dark red cubes every now and again? Her latest enemy has vanished. He briefly appears behind her and kicks her in the rear. She tries a burst of lightning spell, but it scatters wildly and there's no longer any foe in that direction.

The masked jackal repeats this process of appearing behind and slamming against his target. He does this several times, eventually ticking her off to yelling a war cry. She pulls out five, dark black-yet-green rocks and kicks them in all directions around herself. One of them glances off his shoe and he gasps as he flies lower. Whatever that substance is, it appears to be quickly growing to surround his right ankle.

"What?!" Infinite calls out.

"Enjoy being a lawn ornament, chump!" Tempest smirks.

Infinite growls before conjuring a new sphere of red around himself. It seems to draw in a dark red cube around his feet. When the cube leaves, his shoes look like they are relieved of stone and he floats up higher with a chuckle.

"That's impossible!" Tempest stares wide-eyed. "Only the Storm King's staff can undo anti-magic stone!"

"I admit I've never seen your pitiful toys." Infinite wipes some imaginary dust off his shoulder. "But they do not hold the light of a candle to the power of the Phantom Ruby that I possess."

"Phantom... Ruby?" She raises her brow. "What is that supposed to be? A new Element of Harmony?"

"You do not need to understand what element it contains." He holds his gloved claws open. "But it will not be very harmonious. Only fear matters when all is said and done. Observe."

A black sphere appears out of his palm and floats above the unicorn. She looks at it carefully with squinted eyes.

"This is but a fraction of Null Space. You will be trapped inside for eternity in a never-ending, nonexistence. I will not even let you have the satisfaction of dying in light or darkness. It will simply be... well... an end to anything you perceive as light and darkness. Farewell."

He launches a second black sphere at the first black sphere. This seems to agitate the sphere to grow into a much larger orb. It acts like a black hole, sucking in air and some of the roof tiles. Tempest turns on her spot and attempts to gallop away. But the vacuum force lifts her up and pulls her toward the sphere without any say. She tries launching one of her orbs at the blackness, but that too gets swallowed up. She lets out a cry before her head disappears into the Null Space.

"Hmph." Infinite crosses his arms and fiddles with the front of his mask.

Tempest Shadow finds herself galloping along a path. It is composed of nothing but purple and black cubes as far as she can see. She can't even hear her hoof steps. All she can hear clearly is the sound of her own breath. Glancing back, she sees a jagged wall of purple cubes chasing after her. She feels like she mustn't let them catch her.

A few small, blocky hills appear along her path. She turns slightly to the left and right while still galloping forward. The advancing wall seems undisturbed by the hills and continues to draw closer to her tail. She pants for breath as she keeps going.
...

How long is this chase going to take?

Eventually, the dark horse jumps out of a black hole and slides along the roof. The pocket of Null Space shrinks down and dissipates.

"What?" Infinite drops his arms to the side. "Impossible! It can't be. How did you escape Null Space?"

Hearing her enemy lose confidence convinces Tempest to scoff. "I walked out."

Despite her damaged horn, she manages to unleash three magical bursts. They erupt into blue fireworks and contrast the reddish hue of Infinite's illusion sky. These fireworks elicit a grunt from Infinite as he dodges and holds up his arms to cover his eye. They also light up a faint image of something else. Curious, Tempest gallops over to that spot on the roof and flicks her front hoof out. It contacts something solid, and a statue suddenly appears.

"What the...?" Tempest looks back at the floating jackal, then forward at the statue. The shapes are almost identical.

Infinite sounds like he growls. "Back off!"

He shoots a red blast from his hand. It collides with the unicorn's shoulder, forcing her to slide sideways. She grunts briefly... until she starts cackling.

"And just what do you find so amusing?" The jackal radiates energy from his Phantom Ruby.

"It's just as I thought." Her grin almost looks like there's a fang on one side. "Nobody can just shake off anti-magic stone. You're not the real enemy I've been fighting. You already lost several moves ago."

Claws curl up into fists. "I'm real enough to destroy you!"

Infinite surrounds himself with pulsating energy. Tempest pulls out one more greenish-black rock. As Infinite unleashes an imitation Chaos Blast, Tempest kicks her rock horizontally. She gets caught in the explosion and flies over to the first rooftop. Meanwhile, her rock collides with the Infinite statue and pushes it over the edge.

"No!" Infinite shouts as he flies over to hover above the edge and look down.

His statue self falls several feet. After the fall drags out for some cinematic time, it shatters upon impact with the ground. The floating Infinite yells out as he fades out of existence. His respective illusions over the town also break. These include the extra robots that the Storm King's army was beating up.

"Blast it all..." Eggman hovers away as quickly as possible in his Egg-Mobile.

Two of the soldiers hop onto the roof. "General Tempest Shadow! Are you alright?"

Tempest groans and shakes as she slowly stands up. "I'm fine, you idiot. Did you find out where the purple pony princess went?"

K.O.!

~~~Death Battle~~~

Whoa! How did that happen? I almost blinked and I missed it!

This was a pretty close battle. There are probably several ways in which Infinite could have won. But unfortunately, there are some inconsistencies with his own powers that work against him. First of all, the Phantom Ruby often breaks its own rules back in Sonic Forces. One minute, it requires an external power source. Yet in the next encounter, it somehow fully recharges without said external power. In other words, it can't be relied on all the time.

What about Infinite's victories? Didn't he manage to beat the likes of Shadow, Silver, and Sonic?

Not exactly. His false sense of pride comes from the Phantom Ruby and it can at best, create life-like illusions. While he managed to trap Shadow and Sonic in illusions of Green Hill Zone and Null Space respectively, both of the hedgehogs managed to escape just by running forward toward an end goal. Additionally, even though the Phantom Ruby allowed him to fly at a similar speed and mobility to Silver, it did not allow him to directly control the actions of his foe.

Couldn't he just kill Tempest by summoning an illusion of the sun like he did against the Resistance from Sonic's world?

Not realistically. Infinite needs to be within a set distance from his victims in order for his illusions to have any weight to them. While this maximum distance is unknown, he couldn't have been off-planet to keep up his Ruby projection of the sun. And the sun is several times bigger than the planet. In order to truly kill Tempest with that overwhelming heat, he'd need to risk killing himself too.

Okay, but there's no way that Tempest can move as fast as Infinite right? He can dodge "Fastest-Thing-Alive" Sonic!

Technically, he does edge Tempest out in reaction speed, but attack speed and endurance are another story. Without that Phantom Ruby, Infinite can't even keep track of Shadow before getting overwhelmed. There's no evidence to suggest that he can dodge every projectile weapon. Though he dodged Omega's lasers near the end of the Sonic Forces game, he wouldn't need to be moving anywhere above 10% the speed of light at that distance. And lightning spells, even misfired from Tempest, would be moving faster than 10% the speed of light in close-quarters combat.

I guess we should factor in defenses too. Tempest has armor over most of her body except for her head. But she's got the scars on her face to prove she can take a few hits and still keep going. Whereas Infinite's mask doesn't cover anything but his face. That's like... one out of the three vital areas I can think of that need the most protection. "Ultimate Mercenary", my foot.

In the end it came down to a difference between a projection of power versus one's actual capabilities. Where Infinite boasts, Tempest can back up her word.

Looks like no matter what world he's in, Infinite still can't defeat Shadow.

The winner is Tempest Shadow.

~~~Death Battle~~~

Author's Note

I was contemplating the idea of writing a full Sonic Forces x MLP fanfic. I guess this is as close as I'm going to get.

Lightning Round: Fighting Game Genre

Set "Formatting" to whatever setting that will allow you to read clearly.

All properties belong to their respective owners.

Burst Lightning Round!

Here, all the fights are done without waiting for analysis.

All fighters!

All action!

No research!

Lightning Round!

Start the clock and... go!

---Small Packages---

Zipporwhill & Ripley (MLP: FiM) vs. Pom & Woof, Ruff, Tuft & Puff (Them's Fightin' Herds)

A large roster shows up on screen. Two different colored lights highlight some icons before racing around the various images. One lands on a pale cartoon face with braces on its teeth and a plastic crown on their head. The other glowing shape highlights an image of a more frightened cartoon character. A "Start" button is pressed and the screen pixelates out of sight.

When light returns, the setting is a virtual park with small, grassy hills and a tree in the background. A pegasus filly darts around the view with a dog about as large as she is. Her wings are beating similarly to that of a hummingbird. The poor, big puppy is dizzy with spinning stars drawn over his head.

Off to the side, a much smaller puppy is dragging its owner's limb in its teeth. This limb belongs to a shaking ewe. She appears to be trying to backpedal with her hind legs, but she is losing this short tug-of-war. Once she is sufficiently all the way on screen, the little dog stops tugging and turns around. He looks way more eager to start this showdown than his owner.

Get ready!

Stampede!

Pom sighs and twirls the little flops on top of her head. The spinning miraculously lifts the ewe off the ground quite a bit. She then proceeds to flail at the air with all of her hooves. Zipporwhill and Ripley glance at each other in confusion before they stare silently at the ewe.

The young sheep pants in exhaustion and lands quietly on the grass. She turns around and calls, "Heel, boy!"

Her little dog darts in their direction. Out of nowhere, three other dogs also dash across the park. Zipporwhill screams as these three new dogs bite her hooves and scratch at her mane. Ripley growls before barking and swatting his paws at the tiny dogs. But in his efforts, two of Pom's dogs focus their biting and scratching at him.

Zipporwhill flies around wildly, trying to shake off the dog biting her mane. She suddenly gets an idea light bulb and digs her hoof through an inventory. She pulls out Ripley's fetching stick and tosses it in an arc. The dog in her mane stops what he's doing and runs after the stick. All of the rest of the dogs also go chasing the stick.

"Uh-oh..." Pom shivers with no dogs left to aid her. She covers her head and lies down. "Please make it quick and painless."

Zipporwhill's wings beat quickly as she hovers over her opponent(?). "What are you talking about?"

"I've already been forced to fight an ice-skating reindeer, a hyperactive llama, and a fleecing dragon-horse!" Pom cries out. "Why can't I just leave all of this fighting behind?!"

The pegasus filly lands on all fours. She adjusts her glasses before reaching out a hoof. "I don't want to fight you."

"But you have to for the keys, right?" Pom peeks from under her front hooves.

"The what?" Zipporwhill tilts her head. An illustrated question mark briefly turns over her.

"You mean... you're not going to juggle me in an infinite combo?" Pom stands up slowly on her shaking hooves.

"I see no reason to do whatever it is you just said." Zipporwhill shakes her head and smiles.

Ripley comes back with the stick. Only one of Pom's dogs comes back and it is hanging from the stick by its own teeth. The filly and the ewe gently chuckle at the sight. Ripley plops the stick onto the ground. Woof tumbles head-over-tail before panting happily in front of the ewe.

Zipporwhill picks up the stick and tosses it out of view of the cameras again. Ripley chases after the stick. Woof starts to follow, but then stops. The tiny dog's ears perk upright while it sniffs the air. Woof scampers over, grab's Pom's hoof with his teeth, and pulls her away.

"No, no, no! Not again!" Pom tries to backpedal, but fails to stop her dog's pull.

Zipporwhill watches the ewe and her dog leave, unsure how to respond. Ripley comes back and drops the stick in front of her. He pants in satisfaction, not really understanding where the ewe is going either.

Fight over!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have... a tie!

---"Attack Plants" vs. "Piranha Plant"---

(Equestria Girls: Friendship Games vs. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate)

A necklace akin to a compact mirror opens up. It unleashes magic jolts that open portals all over an outdoor stadium. Many of these portals allow vines with carnivorous bulbs to hiss and screech through. But one of these portals has a slightly different passenger. This plant has a red and white face with a mouth. It jumps around, despite being planted in a flower pot.

3! 2! 1!

Go!

The potted Piranha Plant jumps around, narrowly avoiding several attack plants chomping at the places where it was. Piranha turns its mouth around and spits out three fire balls behind itself. One of the attack plants shrivels up, but the rest simply screech louder. Piranha gawks before hopping further along its way.

Portals open at fixed points in the sky, letting in some more carnivorous vines. Piranha takes a breath before it unleashes some spike-balls up. It knocks the bulbs of the attack plants around, creating some dizzy stars to spin around the mouths. Piranha rolls under a couple other vines that dart at its position.

An entire wall appears, composed of the ravenous attack plants. Piranha grunts and its face appears to clench tightly. A couple thorny leaves grow out of the sides of its stem. It flails these razor-sharp leaves around itself as it hops forward. With a sound similar to a weed-whacker, the wall of attack plants falls away at Piranha's slashing motions.

After getting through the wall of enemy, Piranha looks around and sees something in the distance. There appears to be a lavender compact mirror sitting open. Magical sparks dance along its edge, and occasionally lash out as bolts. Each bolt appears to open a new portal with more attack plants.

Piranha smiles with an open mouth, exhaling a sound of realization. It hops toward the compact with haste. One of the attack plants shoots out of a portal. Piranha gasps as the attack plant shatters its flower pot. It raises one of its thorny leaves toward the compact, reaching and shaking.

Another attack plant lashes its maw around Piranha's stem. The red, sentient plant cries out in worry. From its point of view, the compact is so close. Yet, the enemy is forcing it to slide away. After a few struggling noises, Piranha spits out a spike-ball in an upward arc and a fire ball in a sideways arc.

Within a second, the spike-ball falls upon the fire ball, igniting and heating itself up. This new combination ball bounces along, burning some of the grass as it rolls. As the attack plants bite at Piranha, pulling it further under the brush, the burning spike-ball crashes atop the compact.

A magical wave seems to draw back into the compact. The portals around the stadium shrink and close up. With their window gone, the attack plants retreat to their side. It looks like the stadium is clear, except for the patches of displaced dirt and scorch marks.

A beaten and bruised Piranha Plant pants for breath before exhaling a deep sigh.

Game!

This round's winner is... Piranha Plant!

---The Shape of a Warrior---

Thorax (MLP: FiM) vs. Ditto (Pokemon)

A red-and-white sphere slowly spins over itself. Based on the camera's view, this ball is falling all the way down to a planet's surface. Is it going to Ponyville? Will it fall onto Canterlot? Perhaps, it is going to dragons' lands or Griffonstone. Hold that thought.

The picture transitions to a mostly green, yet multi-colored changeling. He is sitting on a throne when his ears perk up. He squints his eyes at the sky. What he sees, is a ball hurtling toward his general direction. Luckily, this sphere lands several feet away, but it still bounces on the floor of his throne room.

Before this changeling can ask what it is, the ball pops open and releases a bluish-white light. This light configures itself into a light purple, gelatinous blob. This blob appears to have a small smile for a mouth and two, pin-sized points for eyes.

"Ditto," chirps the blob.

"Hmm, I've got a bad feeling about this." The changeling steps down from the throne seat and stands tall on all fours.

A wild enemy has appeared!

Battle!

Ditto smirks as its gelatinous body glows in white. Its shapeless outline shifts around into some more distinct features. Within a few seconds, it looks pretty close to an exact mirror of its opponent. Thorax blinks and sighs.

He looks around. "Pharynx, is this one of your jokes again?"

"No," replies a nearby moss-covered rock before it transfigures into the older changeling. "That's a real intruder."

"Well, aren't you going to do something about it, Commander?" Thorax looks with exasperation at his brother.

"It was in your throne room first, Your Highness." Pharynx sticks out his tongue. "Learn to stop being a daffodil and protect your own hive once in a while." This changeling sits on his rump to watch.

"Ugh, alright! I will!" Thorax turns back to face his doppelganger. "Um... this is your first and only warning, imposter! Leave!"

"Ditto," chirps the Thorax look-alike.

Thorax tilts his head. "I'm sorry. Say that again?"

"Ditto." The Thorax copy tilts its head in the opposite direction.

"What does that mean?" Thorax shakes his head slowly.

"I think he's telling you to back up your words with action." Pharynx moves a front hoof around.

"How do you figure?" Thorax glances at his brother.

"Well, just look at him." Pharynx points both of his front hooves.

The copy of Thorax bends its legs slightly. It hoofs the ground a bit, as if preparing to charge. It squints its currently purple eyes in determination. It flares its wings briefly.

"Ah, that's... probably a likely meaning," admits Thorax.

The royal changeling gets into a similar ready stance. Ditto gallops forward first. Thorax flies up a little before diving toward the enemy. Ditto gasps in surprise at the flight. As soon as they get close, their orange horns slam into each other. Both changeling and changeling copy push for ground.

Thorax goes through a front-flip, sending his look-alike barreling onto its back. In a flash of bluish-green fire, Thorax alters shape into a grizzly bear. He slams his paws into the Thorax copy's neck. Ditto coughs as it tries to blindly wave its hooves around. Thorax the bear holds on, grunting with each impact with the enemy's hooves.

After about ten desperate hoof strikes, the Thorax copy slumps limply against the floor. It glows in white and returns to its original blob form. The black beads for eyes are currently X-shaped. Thorax exhales and transfigures back to his default changeling self.

Defeated!

"Heads up!" calls Pharynx.

Thorax quickly steps to the side. The red-and-white sphere from earlier flies in an arc and hits Ditto. The Pokemon is pulled back into the orb as a stream of red light. This ball lands on the ground and shakes a few times before letting out a "ting".

"That's rather convenient," comments Thorax.

Pharynx picks up the ball and grins. "So, Thorax... why were you hitting yourself?"

"Oh, hush." Thorax shakes his head and trots away.

This lightning round victory goes to... Thorax!

Author's Note

-If I listen closely to their in-show/in-game lines, Zipporwhill and Pom's voices sound like they were going for a similar tone of delivery.

-I know the big DLC names for Smash Bros. that pushed the envelope were Persona 5's Joker and Banjoo-Kazooie from their titled series. But... I've been sitting on an idea for the plant enemies of the Mario series. Piranha Plant's inclusion in the DLC seemed as good an excuse as any.

-I know I was kind of pushing the genre with Pokemon, but I didn't really have a better place to put it at the time. In a tangent, I vaguely recall that Ditto's stats are pretty terrible without trainer input. Plus, Thorax doesn't know any Pokemon moves. No moves means no copies for Ditto to use. Thus, its only option is to Struggle, hurting itself more than Thorax while it tries to fight.