The Greatest Stories Never Told (Vol. 1)

by Lord Zalgo

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Sex
Length: 5955

Non-Canon chapters of The Jack of All Trades and alternate endings.

Sometimes stories have more than one conclusion... Non-Canon chapters of The Jack of All Trades and alternate endings. May contain: gore, silliness and clop.

Published 2014-09-07 15:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-02 21:45:55 UTC

The Princess of The Night (Alternate Ending)

The castle was finally in Phoenix's view and despite the fact that it was falling apart, he thought the architecture was impressive. Trying to avoid panicking due to his fear of heights, he crossed the rickety rope bridge as quickly as he could without acknowledging how long the fall would be. He walked into the castle, to find absolutely nothing. He strained his ears and eventually heard magical blasts and shouts from a distant part of the palace. He instantly galloped towards the noise, but could only make it out when he entered the room.

The girls each had some kind of golden jewellery around their neck or in Twilight’s case, on her head. Nightmare Moon was in front of them cackling like a madmare, as Phoenix noticed the navy blue hue surrounding the girls, preventing them from moving or using the Elements.

“’Tis commendable that you found the Elements, but did you really think that I would simply stand and allow you to vanquish me?” Nightmare Moon said mockingly. Phoenix ran from pillar to pillar, getting closer and closer to Nightmare Moon. He had to do something. Anything. Anything to help the girls. He leapt from behind the pillar, into Nightmare Moon's line of sight.

"HEY! Your mother's so fat, when she turns around, ponies yell: BEWARE THE MOON!" Phoenix yelled. Nightmare Moon looked at him in shock for a moment before glaring as Pinkie giggled.

"What? Why are you saying such things about my mother?" Nightmare Moon asked.

"I'm just watching your lips move. They move more than your mother's do when she meets a nice stallion." Phoenix rudely replied.

"W-well... Your mother is so fat she... she has to iron her undergarments in the street." Nightmare Moon weakly replied. The girls realised that Nightmare Moon's grasp on them was weakening.

"Well, I took a photo of your mother last Hearth's Warming. And it's still printing!" Phoenix yelled, staying strong.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!" Pinkie called.

"Well, your mother is so foolish, she tries to insult you with 'your mother' jokes." Nightmare Moon replied, all of her concentration on the stallion.

"Okay. Okay. Your mother... is like a brick. She's DIRTY. She's FLAT ON ALL SIDES. And she always gets LAID BY MEXICOLTS!" Phoenix yelled. The girls couldn't help it. They all cheered before they began to charge the Elements.

"Do you really think you can make a fool out of me?!" Nightmare Moon yelled. She then used her magic to blast Phoenix out of the stain-glass window that was behind him. Only for him to be caught by Celestia who was flying outside.

"Surprise, motherfucka." Phoenix said as the Elements blasted Nightmare Moon and caused all of the darkness to be expelled from her, revealing Princess Luna. The girls and Luna then fell to the ground, unconscious. Phoenix then looked back at Celestia, who was still carrying him.

"Want to draw on their faces?" Phoenix asked. Celestia looked up in thought for a moment before nodding and flying through the window.

Boast Busters (Alternate Ending)

“What about you, lowly stallion? Is there anything you can do that Trixie can’t?” Trixie mocked with a smirk. Phoenix simply smiled.

“Biologically, I can think of a few things.” Phoenix stated calmly. Most of the audience began to laugh. Trixie simply looked offended.

“Do not joke in Trixie’s presence! Anything you can do, I can do better." Trixie boasted.

"Ha!" Phoenix laughed.

I can do anything better than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can, yes, I can!

Anything you can be, I can be greater.
Sooner or later, I'm greater than you.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

No, you're NOT!

Yes, I am. Yes, I am!
I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.

I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.

I can live on bread and cheese.

And only on that?

Yes.

So can a rat!

Any note you can reach, I can go higher.

I can sing anything higher than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I CAN!

"How do you sing that high?" Phoenix asked.

"I'm a mare!" Trixie replied.

"Could have fooled me, love." Phoenix said to the crowd causing them to laugh.

Anything you can say, I can say softer.

I can say anything softer than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can. YES, I CAN!

I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.

I can drink it quicker and get even sicker!

I can open any safe.

Without bein' caught?

Sure.

That's what I thought, you crook!

Any note you can hold, I can hold longer.

I can hold any note longer than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I can.
No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N'T!

Yes, you ca-a-a-an!

"Impressed?" Trixie asked smugly.

"No. I always knew you were full of hot air." Phoenix replied, causing the crowd to laugh again.

Anything you say, I can say faster.

I can say anything faster than you.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

Noyoucan't.

YesIcan!

I can jump a hurdle.

I can wear a girdle.

I can knit a sweater.

I can fill it better!

I can do most anything!

Can you bake a pie?

No.

Neither can I.

Anything you can sing, I can sing sweeter.

I can sing anything sweeter than you.

No, you can't~.

Yes, I can~.

No, you can't~.

Yes, I can~.

No, you can't~.

Yes, I can~.

No, you can't, can't, CAN'T!

Yes, I can, can, CAN!

Yes, I can~!
No, you can't~!

The crowd the proceeded to scream and cheer as Phoenix and Trixie bowed and curtseyed respectively. Phoenix then pushed her off of the stage into a puddle of mud.

"I'm a better arsehole. I win." Phoenix said as he walked off of the stage as Trixie ran towards the edge of town, not wanting to return.

Over A Barrell (Alternate Ending)

Author's Note

Clop ahead. You've been warned.

Over A Barrell (Alternate Ending)

“You’ll have to keep this secret, Bloomberg, okay? And that includes you too, Spike.” Phoenix said a little louder. A startled voice came from the doorway. Spike walked into the car as Phoenix wiped his eyes and turned to him.

“How much did you hear?” Phoenix asked.

“A-all of it.” Spike replied nervously. Phoenix sighed.

“Spike... Normally, I threaten those who find out my secrets... But...” Phoenix’s eyes began to water again as he slowly approached Spike.

“I’m pleading to you, Spike. Please, don’t tell anypony about this. If Applejack found out, she’d disown me, even as an acquaintance. I don’t know if I could bear that.” Phoenix pleaded softly. Spike stood with his mouth agape. He’d never seen Phoenix look so open. So...

Vulnerable.

Spike nodded and promised to keep the secret, causing Phoenix to thank him and wrap him in a grateful hug. Unbeknownst to Phoenix, Applejack was standing by the door, face flushed, hoof on her heart and breathing slightly erratically.

‘He... He loves me?! He loves me. He loves me!’ Applejack thought with an excited smile on her face. She took a breath before slowly walking into the room. Phoenix looked up in horror as he shot to his hooves.

"Ah heard everything." Applejack said, her blush and shy smile still present.

"Y-you're not... angry?" Phoenix asked. Applejack let out a lone, breathy chuckle as she walked towards Phoenix.

"Mah crush likes me back! How could Ah be mad?!" Applejack said happily as she wrapped her hooves around Phoenix and tears flowed from her eyes.

"You... you actually... like me?" Phoenix asked nervously. Applejack looked him in the eye.

"Do Ah really need to prove it?" Applejack asked.

"H-how would you... prove it?" Phoenix asked somewhat nervously. Applejack didn't reply. Instead, she pushed her lips forward onto Phoenix's. Shock overcame Phoenix's system causing him to fall onto his back, Applejack landing on top of him. Spike decided that he didn't like where the situation was going and quickly walked back to the train car that the girls were sleeping in after shutting the end car's door behind him. Both Phoenix and Applejack couldn't concentrate on anything other than the pony that they were holding and kissing. Their bodies began to heat up as neither of them wanted to end the kiss. Eventually, Applejack pulled away, panting heavily as a thin string of saliva connected their mouths after their game of tonsil tennis.

"Well, Phoenix... You sure know how to get a girl goin'." Applejack said with a smirk, a heavy blush and a hungry look in her eyes. Phoenix felt a cold chill up his spine as he gulped.

"No need to be nervous, sugarcube. It's not mah time. Ah won't get pregnant." Applejack said.

"Well... there is that..." Phoenix replied, still nervous.

"Now... Let's see if we can get this apple some candy." Applejack said as she hungrily eyed Phoenix up. Sweat began to pour down Phoenix's blushing face as Applejack stood and sat onto Phoenix's chest.

"Is this your first time, sugar?" Applejack asked.

"Y-yeah... it is." Phoenix replied. Applejack then pointed down as her face grew more red. Phoenix finally tore his gaze from Applejack's face and looked down as she instructed. Until...

Her marehood was in his face.

Phoenix's face turned pure red as he tried to turn away in embarrassment, but Applejack placed her hooves on either side of his head to prevent him from looking away.

"Well? How does it look?" Applejack asked.

"C-compared to what?" Phoenix asked, trying to keep calm. Applejack noticed Phoenix's slightly strained voice and looked around.

And was greatly surprised at what she saw.

"Wow! Is this all for me?" Applejack teased, but her voice held a tone of genuine surprise.

"What do you me-EAN?!" Phoenix unintentionally called out the final word as Applejack's hoof met it's mark. Phoenix's stallionhood. Phoenix suddenly realised that his penis had appeared on his body and Applejack was seemingly enjoying herself by gently stroking it. Phoenix began to groan quietly as Applejack continued to move her hoof agonisingly slowly along his member. Each groan and gasp was music to Applejack's ears.

"Enjoying yourself, sugarcube?" Applejack asked with an almost cruel smirk. Phoenix kept his groans silent as he glared up at her. Suddenly, Phoenix's horn began to glow as black magical constructs of tentacles entered Applejack's vision. A bead of sweat appeared on her forehead as the tentacles wiggled slightly around her and Phoenix's expression became an evil smirk.

"No teasin'?" Applejack asked somewhat fearfully.

"No teasing." Phoenix confirmed as the tentacles began to dissipate.

"Really, though. Were you enjoyin' it?" Applejack asked genuinely. Phoenix blushed as nodded shyly. Applejack blushed as she gave him a genuine smile, happy that Phoenix was content.

"Well, what do you want me to do now?" Applejack asked, still straddling the stallion.

"Actually, could you remain distracted for a moment?" Phoenix said with a smile. Applejack did a double take before looking back at him.

"What?" Applejack asked. Phoenix suddenly used his magic to pull Applejack further forward, allowing him to give her marehood a long, slow lick. Applejack arched her back she gasped and squeaked in pleasure. Phoenix then flipped her onto her back with him on top of her. The sudden change caught Applejack off guard as she looked at him in surprise.

"What a cute sound. I wonder what other sounds I can get out of you." Phoenix asked in a deep, sensual voice, causing her to blush deeply. Phoenix then lowered his body and began to lick Applejack's marehood again. She began to squeak and groan again as she also began to squirm where she lay. Phoenix actually found himself enjoying exploring all of Applejack's nethers until he discovered what he was looking for. He continued to stimulate the vagina with his hoof, causing it to be covered in her juices within seconds. He then gave the newly discovered clitoris a timid lick. Applejack let out a small scream as he did so. Applejack preceded to bite her lip to keep herself quiet, but it was growing evermore difficult as Phoenix continued to stimulate her vagina with his magic and her clitoris with his moist hoof. As he did so, Phoenix moved his head higher to delicately kiss Applejack's neck, causing her to continue to writhe in pleasure. Suddenly, she wrapped her hooves around Phoenix, arched her back, clenched her eyes shut and called his name as juices were squirting from her marehood and moistening his hoof further. Phoenix wrapped his hooves around her as well as she tried to regulate her deep breathing.

Applejack then pushed Phoenix onto his back once more as the hungry look in her eyes seemed almost predatory as she eyed him.

"Ah'm gonna milk you dry, lover boy." Applejack said almost sinisterly. Before Phoenix could reply, Applejack aligned her vagina with Phoenix's erect penis and began to lower her body. Until... He entered her. Applejack gasped and sighed in pleasure, but Phoenix was overwhelmed by the feeling. He'd never felt anything like it before, it was almost heavenly to him.

"Ready, sweetie?" Applejack asked. After receiving a nod from Phoenix, Applejack began to bounce on Phoenix's lap, causing his penis to slide easily in and out of her as they both began to groan and sigh in pleasure and satisfaction. Phoenix contemplated whether or not to wrap his hooves around her, but didn't want to inconvenience her movements. So, he placed his hooves on her flanks and began to gently squeeze, causing Applejack to groan again. However, as time went on, the groans became louder and the gasps became calls and screams. They furiously kissed each other as their tongues fought for dominance in their mouths as Applejack continued to bounce.

Phoenix felt something begin to build up inside of him and each time that Applejack's body slapped against his own, the feeling grew more intense, like a dam that was rapidly cracking and crumbling.

"Phoenix, Ah... Ah'm gonna cum soon!" Applejack said in a strained voice as she began quicken her movements even further that she already had.

"Ah~! I-if you... don't slow down... I won't last much longer...!" Phoenix warned in a similar strained voice. They matched each other's pace and half a minute later, Phoenix and Applejack wrapped their hooves tightly around each other as an immeasurable amount of pleasure exploded through both of their bodies and minds. Applejack's vaginal muscles clenched around Phoenix's penis, milking it of all of its contents as it shot a large amount of sticky white fluid into Applejack. Both of them looked at each other lovingly, yet tiredly as the pleasure was slowly receding. They kissed once again, sweetly instead of passionately as they both began to fall asleep from exhaustion of their actions. They snuggled into each other as much as they could before finally dropping off to sleep where they lay as the train continued the journey towards Appleloosa.

Party of One (Alternate Ending)

Author's Note

To celebrate 100 views, I whipped up a quick chapter for you guys. Just a note; none of these endings happened in the real story, but in the context of the story; they could have happened. These are just possible ways the story could have played out. Just sayin'. Enjoy.

Party of One (Alternate Ending)

After half an hour of preparing the decorations and the girls teasing both Phoenix and Applejack, they were ready to get Pinkie. After Phoenix volunteered to get her, he walked back to town and reached Sugarcube Corner. He ascended the stairs and knocked the door to Pinkie's room. He heard Pinkie's voice from the inside, so Phoenix opened the door to see a rather crude, unsettling party Pinkie was having with inanimate objects.

"Sorry I couldn't talk to you earlier, Pinkie Pie. Applejack and I felt rather guilty after we made you leave like that." Phoenix said apologetically.

"Uh-huh..." Pinkie said through gritted teeth.

"Indeed... So, we decided to invite you over to Sweet Apple Acres for some pie, as means of an apology." Phoenix continued, a little unnerved.

"No, thanks. I'm spending time with my real friends. Isn't that right, Madame le Flour? Oui! Zat is correct, madame!" Pinkie said as herself, then as 'Madame le Flour'.

"...A bag of flour, a pile of rocks, a bucket of turnips and a clump of lint?" Phoenix asked.

"Yes." Pinkie replied.

"...Well, that beats my fanfiction. Pinkie, I really must insist." Phoenix said.

"She's not goin' anywhere. I most certainly am not! I'm having a wonderful time here." Pinkie said. Phoenix sighed before replying.

"If you don't come with me, I'll pick you up and carry you out. And you don't have a ball pit to escape from me like last time." Phoenix threatened. Pinkie looked around herself to see that there really was no nearby ball pit to aid her escape.

"Rats. I'll kick and scream as much as I need to to escape." Pinkie said with finality.

"You want to do this the hard way? Fine." Phoenix walked over to Pinkie's record player and stood in front of it. He hit it multiple times as different music tracks began to play, changing with each hit.

Never gonna- Eat it! Eat it!- It's painted black- made of candy!- Because I'm tacky!

Phoenix finally gave the machine a mighty slam before it finally began to play the music he wanted.

"No..." Pinkie whispered in a slight amount of fear.

"Yes... You know what's coming next, Miss Pie..." Phoenix replied sinisterly.

"Please, Phoenix, no! You know I can't resist it!" Pinkie pleaded. Phoenix slowly began to get into a specific position.

"No! Please, Phoenix! I'll do anything!" Pinkie begged, beginning to cry. Phoenix ignored her as he finally got into the right position.

"Anything! Anything at all! I won't say no, I Pinkie Promise!" Pinkie said as she did the actions. Phoenix looked into her eyes.

"I want you to... CONGA!" Phoenix said as he began the conga dance, Pinkie immediately joining in. The two slowly congaed down the stairs as Pinkie clapped her forehooves every few seconds while Phoenix was simply kicking out his hindhooves whenever Pinkie clapped, alternating his hooves each time. They both began to cheer and call out random comments about the conga, confusing passers-by, but they disregarded it, because Pinkie was involved. They learned not to ask questions. After about ten straight minutes of congaing, they were outside the barn of Sweet Apple Acres.

"That was a low blow." Pinkie said as the conga stopped.

"Would you prefer the 'S' word?" Phoenix replied. Pinkie flinched slightly as she and Phoenix walked inside.

The Best Night Ever (Alternate Ending)

Phoenix stood in front of Blueblood causing him to stop and Rarity to keep up.

"...What do you want, commoner?" Blueblood asked rudely.

"I want you to step away from the lady." Phoenix replied, Spike standing next to him, trying to look formidable. Rarity looked confused, while Blueblood looked offended.

"Why should I do that, you piece of mediocre garbage? I'm a prince! What are you going to do?!" Blueblood shouted, but it came across as more of a whine.

"When my friend's safety and virginity are at stake, you'd be surprised how... persuasive I can get." Phoenix said darkly, causing Rarity and Spike to look at the stallion in horror, while Blueblood began to sweat.

"I-I wasn't going to do anything... like that with him, Phoenix." Rarity said.

"I know. But, he was dead set on it. With or without your consent." Phoenix said to Rarity with a slightly disgusted expression that he kept aiming at Blueblood. Rarity's face turned a mixture of both a slight pinch of red and a lot of green. She immediately moved away from Blueblood and stood next to Phoenix and Spike.

"Lady Rarity! You don't really believe this gutter-snipe, do you?!" Blueblood asked exasperatedly, while more sweat poured down his face.

"I know Phoenix is many things. But, he is not a liar. He can bluff to save his life, but he knows the value of the truth. You won't be getting anything more from me, not even my time." Rarity said as she began to walk away. Blueblood tried to walk after her, but Phoenix stood in his way once more.

"Cock-blocked, Blueblood. Walk away." Phoenix said simply. Blueblood growled before holding Phoenix in his magic and threw him through the stain-glass window of the great hall. Phoenix screamed as the window shattered and he landed on the hard floor by doing a recovery roll and getting to his hooves instantly and cracking his neck twice. He then looked to the door to see Blueblood entering and approaching him with a look of fury on his face. Phoenix steadied his body as Blueblood approached. Blueblood threw a punch as he was close enough, however Phoenix quickly dodged his strike. Blueblood took a moment to regain his stability before turning back to Phoenix. Blueblood charged once more, only to be tripped and fall flat on his face.

Hearing Phoenix's laughter, Blueblood let out a flurry of attacks, all of which Phoenix dodged. Phoenix finally grabbed Blueblood's hooves and pushed against them, causing Blueblood to push back. After a moment of the two stallions locked in a comparison of strength, Blueblood suddenly created two constructs of magic. One rectangle under Phoenix's hooves and one above his head. Phoenix knew what they were for and placed his forehooves on the higher one, pushing against it as it began to descend and the bottom one began to ascend, not unlike a compactor. The constructs began to push with more and more force, causing Phoenix to use more and more strength to keep them from crushing him into paste. He continued to strain his body as he used his magic to pulled something from his inside jacket pocket. He opened the pack of cards and used his magic to position the cards in random directions, surrounding Blueblood. Suddenly, all of the cards shot themselves at Blueblood with no pattern or indication of which card would be next.

During the barrage, Blueblood lost his concentration, causing the constructs trying to crush Phoenix to disappear. Not a second after the final card had fired, Phoenix leapt and used his hooves and his momentum to slam Blueblood's head against the ground with an almighty slam. Phoenix stood, drawing in exhausted breaths as he watched Blueblood's unconscious form take calm, regular breaths. Phoenix looked around the room to see many ponies staring at him in disbelief, before the silence was broken by one pink-maned pony.

"K.O.!"

Author's Note

An imaginary cookie goes to whoever guesses where I got the climax of the fight from.

The End (Alternate Endings)

Author's Note

This chapter has multiple alternate endings as they were all originally ideas of how the actual chapter could have been.

...I feel so sorry for Phoenix sometimes.

The End (Alternate Endings)

Phoenix looked around to see many ponies already packed and heading towards the edge of Ponyville. Phoenix turned his attention to the mayor as she emerged from her own home.

"When everypony arrives at the edge of town, can you lead them to a safe place? I'll keep an eye out and catch up with you." Phoenix said. The mayor hesitated, but nodded and began to follow the ponies out of town. Phoenix watched as many more ponies filed out of their homes, leaving Ponyville for their own safety. Phoenix waited as the crowd go further into the distance before beginning to walk after them.

"Leaving the party so soon?" A voice said from behind Phoenix. Upon hearing the voice, Phoenix quickly rolled forward and turned to see a large mismatched creature with a look of mild surprise on his face.

"...Didn't see that one coming." Discord said in slightly disbelieving tone.

"Who the hell are you?" Phoenix asked aggressively.

"I am Discord. And I'm the new mayor of Ponyville." Discord said before snapping his fingers. Suddenly, all of Ponyville became an environment of chaos and disharmony.

"Wha... What the fuck have you done?!" Phoenix yelled as he glared angrily at Discord.

"I've made myself at home. What do you think?" Discord asked.

"I think I'm going to mount your head on my wall!" Phoenix yelled as he pulled out his revolver and shot towards Discord. Unfortunately for Phoenix, Discord's body seemed to ripple like liquid as the bullets passed harmlessly through him. Discord used Phoenix's moment of confusion and used his tail to whip Phoenix across town. Phoenix quickly recovered and charged at Discord, ready to attack. Before Phoenix reached Discord, he read his mind, allowing Phoenix to dodge Discord's random projectile and long reaching melee attacks before jumping onto his back.

"Get off!" Discord yelled as he tried to get Phoenix off of his back. Phoenix latched on tighter as Discord realised how Phoenix knew how Discord was going to move.

'A Reader, huh? Luckily, I can resist his power. But, I'll have to deal with him quickly, or he'll just power through my resistance.' Discord thought as he attempted to shield his mind. Phoenix swung around to latch onto Discord's front while he was distracted and pulled something from his jacket pocket.

"Go to Tartarus, monster!" Phoenix said as he pulled out his knife and plunged it into Discord's neck. Green blood covered the knife and poured from the wound as Discord looked at Phoenix in shock.

Before quickly grabbing his face.

"I'll see you there." Discord said sinisterly before a blade emerged from his palm and impaled Phoenix's head, killing him instantly. Discord then dropped Phoenix's body before pulling the knife from his neck and using his magic to heal his wound.

"I guess you weren't in the right mind for the fight." Discord said to the corpse before teleporting away.

Phoenix pulled out a knife from his pocket and used his magic to stab the door. Twilight screamed again as she watched him try to cut through the door. Spike continued to writhe on the floor as more and more letters appeared in the room. Twilight quickly opened one of the scrolls to discover that it was a letter that she'd previously sent to the princess. Against her instincts, Twilight began to skim-read it as Phoenix continued to destroy the door.

"Wait... That's it! Discord's trying to distract us from what's important. He knows how powerful our friendships are, and he's trying to keep us from seeing it. Do you remember what I said the first day we arrived in Ponyville? I told you that the future of Equestria didn't rest on me making friends. But the opposite is true! The friendships I've made since I've been here are what saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon. And now they need to save it from Discord!" Twilight announced, while Spike weakly looked at the door in terror.

"That's great, Twilight, but, how does that stop HIM?!" Spike screamed. Twilight looked around in time to see Phoenix completely break the door down. The three of them stayed silent for a moment before Phoenix raised the knife again.

"Heeeeeeere's FEENIE!!" Phoenix shouted, filled with sadistic joy. Twilight screamed again as she backed her up against the wall. Phoenix then pinned her against the wall and pressed his muzzle to hers and he delicately ran the tip of the knife's blade along her cheek.

"Any last words, fearless leader?" Phoenix asked mockingly as terrified tears began to pour from Twilight's eyes. She stayed silent for a moment before looking him in the eye.

"What's one divided by zero?" Twilight asked. Phoenix stopped for a moment before giving her a deadpan look.

"That shit only works against robots." Phoenix said.

"Do you know what else works against robots, but works on stallions too?" Twilight asked. That question stumped Phoenix.

"Uh... Can't say I do." Phoenix replied.

"You kick them in the nuts." Twilight said before she did exactly what she said. Phoenix stared blankly for a moment before collapsing on the ground and writhing in agony. Twilight then prepared and cast the memory spell on Phoenix, but he was in too much pain to resist it. When Discord's enchantment dissipated, Phoenix glared up a Twilight, who smiled sheepishly.

"Uh... Sorry?" Twilight said weakly. Phoenix shakily stood and continued to glare with his piecing, blue eyes.

"When you least expect it, Sparkle. When you least expect it." Phoenix said threateningly as he began to limp out of the bedroom.

Light suddenly emerged from the Elements as Discord yawned. Suddenly, different coloured rays of light in the shapes of the symbols on each Element radiated from each Element. But, for every light that shone, Phoenix felt stranger and stranger.

Discord began to realise that he was in trouble when the energy was being shot as beams from each Element. Twilight opened her eyes as they emitted pure white light before the rainbow beam arced in the sky and began to plummet towards Discord. Discord watched the rainbow in fear, before looking towards Phoenix and beginning to laugh. He used his magic to teleport Phoenix to him and held him in his arms in a position where Discord was ready to break his neck.

"If I'm going, you're going with me." Discord said menacingly. Phoenix began to struggle and attempt to escape Discord's grip as he realised that the girls couldn't stop the Element's attack if they tried. Phoenix even tried biting Discord's paw, but nothing worked. The rainbow plummeted onto the two of them and the stone casing began to cover them both. In one final attempt to 'save' himself, Phoenix pulled out his revolver once more and placed it to his temple.

'I'm sorry, everypony. But, I'm nopony's bargaining chip. Certainly not Discord's.' Phoenix thought before he clenched his eyes closed and used his magic to pull the trigger. To this day, the statue is on display in the Canterlot gardens. The statue depicts Discord with a look of cruel glee on his face with a deceased stallion in his arms. Many have said that it shows the evil of Discord. Others say that it means 'sacrifice'. But, to few, it shows the final resting place of a stallion they once knew...

Look Before You Sleep (Alternate Ending)

“Well, after makeovers is ghost stories, but we can’t do those without doing makeovers first. We have to do everything by the book to make my first slumber party officially fun!” Twilight announced excitedly. Phoenix nodded in agreement, but turned to Twilight.

“Twilight, I’m all for this and I promise to do my best to help make tonight as fun as I can, but guys aren’t really into makeovers. It will destroy what little ego I have left.” Phoenix explained casually.

“Oh. Okay, Phoenix. Oh! I just thought of something! When we’re done with the makeovers, you can judge how we look! That way, we’ll get a stallion’s point of view!” Twilight explained, her enthusiasm not waning once.

"Well, does the book say anything about having boys at a sleepover?" Phoenix asked.

"I don't know. Let me just check." Twilight said before opening the book ad skim-reading each page.

"Ah! Here we are: boys." Twilight began to read, but then slammed the book shut with a blank expression.

"Twilight? What is it?" Phoenix asked, drawing Applejack's and Rarity's attention.

"Just a bit of my innocence dying inside." Twilight said weakly. Phoenix then took the book in his magic and opened it on the page that Twilight was on.

"Oh, come on, how bad could it be?" Phoenix said before reading. He then calmly closed the book and giving it back to Twilight with a blank expression.

"What's up, sugarcube?" Applejack asked with Rarity next to her, a confused expression on her face.

"I didn't realise mares could bend that way..." Phoenix said, seemingly to himself. Applejack and Rarity then took the book and read through the same section the Twilight and Phoenix read.

"But... it's not meant to go in that one..." Applejack said, seemingly to herself. Everypony looked at each other.

"Why would anypony want to do these things?" Rarity asked.

"Truth be told, I'm kind of curious now." Twilight said. The three mares looked at each other, before looking at Phoenix. He looked back for a few seconds before replying.

"Fuck that." Phoenix said before turning around and leaving the library. Silence fell until Rarity broke it in a slightly annoyed voice.

"Ugh, what a drama queen. It's just anal."

Feeling Pinkie Keen (Alternate Ending)

“I’ll do the distracting. Go!” Phoenix instructed before running in the direction of the hydra. He saw that all four of the heads were lowering with the intention of killing him. He continued to run until he ran under its legs and watched three of the heads follow him, causing the hydra to trip and fall on the remaining head. Phoenix changed direction and ran back towards the cliff. He saw the hydra’s shadow behind him, informing him that it had recovered. He continued to run as the girls were screaming his name and telling him to jump. Before he could, he heard Fluttershy and Twilight scream and Applejack watch in horror a moment before he turned to see one of the hydra’s heads zooming towards him with its mouth open as wide as it could go.

He tried to react, but he simply didn’t have the time to do so. The jaws were practically on him. The only thing he could do was jump backwards into the mouth to avoid the teeth.

The jaws snapped shut.

Everypony watched in horror when they saw the jaws shut and Phoenix was no longer visible. Tears began to stream down Fluttershy’s cheeks as Twilight and Pinkie had very watery eyes. Applejack replayed the moment in her mind a few times before simply falling to her haunches and watching in sorrowful silence.

‘I knew there would be a doozy, but... not this kind of doozy!!’ Pinkie thought as she began to sob. Suddenly, the hydra began to groan in pain as it stumbled around slightly. After a moment, it began to roar in agony. Everypony looked confused until they saw some kind of black, glowing object was sticking out of the hydra's belly. The black object began to move as more and more of the hydra's transparent, yellow blood began to pour out of the wound. The object moved in a complete circle until, the hydra's flesh slowly peeled of its body. Finally, they saw something covered in hydra blood climb out of the wound. It continued to climb as the hydra began to grow pale and sway. The thing finally perched itself on one of the hydra's heads as it fell forward weakly. The thing finally jumped at the most opportune time and landed in front of the girls. Phoenix looked back and saw the corpse of the hydra impaled on several sharp rocks as its blood began to pollute the swamp water below. Phoenix looked back at the girls as the blood started to run off of him and as they looked at him in complete shock. Pinkie was the first to reply.

"Okay, you're not Batmane. Are you Haytos?"

Author's Note

Well, is he?