Where do I start? I have been alive for so long. No one, in the millions of years I have walked the lush green earth, has been able to kill me. Believe me, they have tried. But every time I ‘die’ I wake up again, sometime later. It could be a thousand years, it could be a day. Humans, it appears, have an innate curiosity, one that often leads to their demise.
But enough about that.
You aren’t here to listen to me ramble. You wish to know how I came to be here, in this infernal stone prison. Well here goes.
Thousands, nay, millions, of years ago, I was a man. I had a family, a life. Then it was wretched from my hands and I was imprisoned. I escaped and took my rightful place as king. I ruled for a few years, did a few things that cemented me in history, and was eventually defeated. Simple, right? Wrong. I laid on that battlefield, a sword protruding from my chest. I hardly remember that day. It felt like I had died a hundred times. I probably did. I woke up the next night, an insatiable hunger filling me. I fed, and drank the blood of a man who was foolish enough to try to salvage my armor. I killed a whole village of people, and only gained enough clarity to realize what I was doing after the deed. I hated myself.
I still hate myself.
Skipping about 600 years in the future, I was killed by a man named helsing. That was the start of a hundred generations battle. I had many chances to end helsing, and his infernal attempts to cleanse me. But every chance I had to destroy him, and his family, I couldn’t. Something stopped me. I guess it stopped the boredom that came with immortality. It became so long a battle that I eventually just left the planet. I died once more, but not before I chartered passage to a new colony, on the other side of the galaxy. Years later they transported me back to earth, which by then had been destroyed. They left me there, I guess they got sick of me, and I watched as the planet slowly regained its property. I watched as a race of horses eventually gained sentience. They called themselves ponies, and they could use tools, speak and all sorts of things that one would expect of only humans.
How?
I don’t know. Short range telekinesis, or something. They weren’t the only ones. Dogs, changelings, griffons, unicorns and pegasai, they all made the world their own. They erected crude borders, and fought and died to keep them. Just like humans. I watched as a creature, best described as a Frankenstein, rose to power and made this world a haven for chaos. He sickened me. I resolved, that if I got the chance, I would end him myself. Sadly, or perhaps fortunately, I never got the chance. He was defeated by what appeared to be a mixture of the three types of ponies. They were sisters, apparently. I know not why, but they seemed to give me a sense of pride, like they had finally brought harmony to this tempest of this world. I watched as they were appointed ruler ship, and I watched as they defeated a power hungry king of the north that, unfortunately, reminded me more of myself than I would like to admit. I watched as they turned him to ash and left his kingdom to rot in the ice. I believe that was when I started to question their acts. It was cemented into the other races by then that she was a god, and they ceased all war with their country. I remember that it was right about then that they found my coffin.
Celestia sat in her throne. She didn’t like it. After a year and a half of sitting on a piece of cloth in the crystal kingdom, her butt had forgotten how awful the throne was. She looked at the two pieces of paper she was holding in her magic. The one on the left, from the diamond dogs, asked for help with their war with the zebras, and the one on the right, from the zebras, asked her to help boost their defenses to protect against said war. She didn’t want to do either. She wanted peace. But 125 years on the throne had taught her that there was no chance of that. The diamond dogs were territorial and power hungry, the zebras were xenophobic, the griffons were egocentric, and the dragons just wanted to rule everything. She sighed for what was probably the thirteenth time that day. She desperately wanted a distraction.
“Princess! I must urgently speak to you!”
‘Speak of the devil.’ She thought. The pony that ran through the throne room doors was broken stone, the leader of a mining operation in southern equestria. She was panting heavily, and it seemed like she had run here all the way from south equestria. She took a big breath and fainted.
Princess Celestia looked down at the unconscious pony in front of her and blinked. She shook her head and psychically called her sister to the throne room. Luna appeared momentarily.
“I am here sister, what do you-” she paused, looked at her sister, at the unconscious pony in front of her, then at her sister again. She sniggered. “Tia, i don’t believe that this is really a reason to bring me from my slumbers. Although if a shapely female fell unconscious at my hooves, I would do the same thing. I just wouldn’t invite you.” Tia blushed at what her sister was insinuating. I mean, who wouldn’t? She shook her head and said,
“For shame, Luna! I would never! She didn’t give me her consent yet. But first, I need you to go through her memories and find out what brought her here.” She grinned and her horn glowed. I saw the telltale wisp of magic leave her horn and touch Broken Stones forehead. With a flash, the wisp was gone, and Luna was also unconscious. Celestia sighed and started looking through the papers again.
There wasn’t a lot of things that surprised me. I mean, sure, I’m a unicorn, but I can still hold my own. I have to admit, though, what happened next shocked me. I was sorting through a paper here and there, and I was looking forward to the down time that would come after this. Two weeks from retirement. This dig was almost over, and I was looking forward to leaving.
“Miss broken stone! We found something in the mines!”
Of course. No reprieve. I sighed and followed the obviously flustered worker into the mine.
Whatever it was, it was pretty deep in the mine. We eventually climbed into a side tunnel, where several more workers were looking down a hole.
“Well?”
The worker who led me down here shook his head and started explaining.
“Well, miss, we were mining the side tunnel looking for valuables, you know, artifacts and stuff. Quite suddenly, in fact, the ground crumbled and nearly engulfed lead gavel.” He pointed at an earth pony with the symbol for lead on his cutie mark, nursing a cut on one of his hind legs. “We pulled him up and sent one of the Pegasus workers down there to figure out what it was. He said that it looked like some sort of tomb, and then he screamed. That was the last thing we heard beside…a crunch.”
A crunch?
What did he mean by, ‘a crunch’? I wasn’t about to be fazed by something that could mean anything. I lit up my horn and looked down in the hole. That was probably the stupidest thing I ever did. As I did that something screeched, grabbed one of the other unicorns, and pulled him into the hole. I think that there was a four second pause before everyone started screaming and panicking. I don’t think I looked back until I was back topside, despite the screams. I don’t think I was ever happier to see Celestia’s sun before. When I did look back, the only one that was still with me was lead gavel. He was panting just as heavily as I was and we both thought we were done for. But whatever it was wasn’t following us into the sunlight. We looked at each other and we both decided that we wouldn’t want to wait to see what it was.
Luna awoke in a cold sweat. She looked around and shivered. She saw Celestia on the throne and went up to her.
“Oh, Luna, you’re awake. How was it? Anything interesting to report?” she nodded and recounted what she saw in broken stones mind. After she finished Celestia’s smile had all but disappeared.
“So you’re saying that whatever this thing is, it attacks without provocation?” she nodded. Celestia put a hoof to her forehead and sighed. “I do not need this. Not right now.” She sighed again and said, “Get the elements.
I hate the sun. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh Dracula, but you’re the king of the vampires. Aren’t you immune to the sun?’ and yes, normally I am immune to the sun. But my powers are directly tied to my food supply. And, as I was dead and buried for countless years, I haven’t exactly had any food for a while. So at this point of time, I am just as vulnerable to the sun as a turned. Eh, easy come easy go. I repeat myself, I deplore the sun.
I waited for the moon to come up before making my way out of… actually I have no clue where I am. It appeared that I was in a mining facility. I shrugged and jumped out. You know all those myths about vampires having superhuman powers, right? They are greatly underestimated. In fact after a good night of feeding, I could jump from the empire state, to the statue of liberty. Yeah. Boom, went your mind. I have to admit though, I remembered absolutely nothing about my surroundings. I think I was in Ohio when I died last. I concentrated, and felt the shadows wrap around me as clothes, and soon I was the vampire that everyone knows and loves. I was about to walk off into the forest when I heard,
“Foul creature! Prepare to feel royal justice!” I tried to pinpoint where the voice came from when I saw a rather massive rainbow come towards me from the side. I couldn’t dodge it unfortunately, and I was turned to stone. I was petrified it a pose that resembled something heroic. Can’t really tell. You know, first person perspective. And of course all my magic is once again sealed. Perfect.
“What do you think it is, Tia? It didn’t really put up that much of a fight.”
I have absolutely no idea, Luna, but I think it would be good as a lawn ornament, right next to discord.”
What? No. nonononononononono. I am not sharing a plot of land with that infernal Frankenstein! No, nada, nein, nyet, - and you’re doing it anyway. Perfect. I’m not only a statue, but I’m next that god forsaken abomination. Dracu’ just, Dracu’.
One thousand years later!
I hate my life. Being dead would be better than this. Those horrible sisters put me on a pedestal and left me there. For, count ‘em, one thousand years. If I didn’t have a reason to hate them then, I hate them now. At the moment I was being admired by six of those infernal creatures.
“Good Celestia, what is that thing?”
I don’t know applejack, but the princess might.”
“My, my look at its clothes! Why they look as if they were made of pure midnight! I must jot it down for future reference!”
Okay rarity, we have to go, but you can stay here if you want.”
The white-purple one waved her hoof and the five others left her alone with me. She sat down on the bench right in front of me with a sketch-pad, giving me a wonderful view of her neck. It was torture. I was so hungry. Grahh!
“Hey, look at that bitch, I bet she’d suck my dick.”
What? I saw a male, obviously drunk, picking on the one called rarity. I didn’t catch most of the conversation, but I did hear the stallion get angry. He grabbed rarity’s horn and smacked her head on the side of the bench, possibly rendering her unconscious.
“What’re you doing with rarity?!” a rainbow… thing, smacked into the male sending him hurtling towards me. He smashed into me with a crunch. Blood everywhere. And I felt the stone weakening.
“Dammit, rainbow, did you have to do that? I mean I don’t know if this guy is alive.”
“Ahh, sorry Twi. I got carried away when I saw him hurting rarity. By the way, is that statue moving?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that.”
Twilight turned around to the statue she was pointing at, and, indeed it was moving. The stone crumbled away, revealing a monstrous creature, although nothing like the statue. It had the clothes, but it had lost its regal pallor. It was pale to the point of grey, thin as an anorexic pony, and radiated an aura of pure… honestly twilight didn’t know what it was. Sadness? Anger? A bit of hunger maybe? Whatever it was, it screeched and the cape it was wearing became wings and it shot up through the sky, leaving a stunned stupid twilight and rainbow dash just sitting there with an unconscious rarity on the ground.
I landed in some sort of corridor. It didn’t matter. I was hungry. Nothing to eat for a thousand years really put life in perspective. Eat or die. Simple. There were two guards in the corridor. Everything in slow motion. They pulled out what appeared to be spears. Too bad they were useless. I launched myself at one and tore out his throat. 30 days of night all over again. Ha, reference. The other one screamed and ran. Useless. I caught him almost instantly. It was like he didn’t even try to escape. I left the bodies. No use for corpses. I ran through the building.
Blood everywhere.
Mortals everywhere.
Food everywhere.
“Princess!” Celestia’s ears perked up at the sound of her student teleporting into her the throne room. Her friends were with her and they all looked somewhat distraught. Except for rarity. Rarity looked unconscious. Twilight quickly tried to explain the situation. All Celestia heard was, ‘rapist’, ‘statue, ‘and ‘blood’. She was about to respond when a guard burst through the door, with a rather big gouge in his side.
“P-princess! There’s an intruder-” he stopped and fell to his knees. Fluttershy screamed as a tall bipedal creature walked through the doors.
“Salut, princess. I take, by the expression on your face, that you do not know who I am. That is understandable, and I forgive you for it. Allow me to rectify your ignorance. I am Vlad tepes, Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia, a member of the House of Drăculești, a branch of the House of Basarab. But you may refer to me in my layman name; Dracula.” I paused for a moment to let that sink in. “as I expected, you have no clue as to that is. I am king of the vampires, master of blood and runic magic, drinker of a thousand bloods, father of gods, and killer of more.” The purple one perked up at the mention of my chosen race.
“V-vampires?” she squeaked out. I nodded.
“It appears that vampires are a myth in this year as it was in my own. I aim to change that.” I guess that they got what I was insinuating, as they started to tense up. I pulled my sword and mace out of my belt. I was about to rush them when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something moving in the shadows. It might’ve been a gust of wind moving a curtain, it might’ve been an enemy. Who knows? I jumped out of the way as a bolt of dark blue magic nearly hit me. Well, that answered one question. I roared in the direction of the magic blast and rushed at whatever it was that tried to kill me. A blue and black pony, (okay it still feels ridiculous to say that) jumped out of what I suppose was a camouflage spell and landed in front me and the princess. She, it was obviously a she, held a Warhammer in her magic and yelled in Romanian,
“Salut, regele vampir.”
“Salutări regina de noapte. ah, este bine să vorbească în limba veche. cel puțin unii dintre voi creaturi mizerabile avea de clasă.”
“De ce ai dat buzna în acest loc sacru, monstru?”
"Aceasta este o poveste pentru un alt timp, prințesă. Trebuie să plec. Dar știu acest lucru. Sora ta va picura sânge pe sabia mea. Iar dacă încerci să mă împiedice, a ta va fi, de asemenea.
And with that I whirled my cape around my body and I disappeared in a cloud of bats. Awesome exit.
Luna’s legs crumbled shortly after the creature left. Celestia and the main six (excluding rarity, as she was still unconscious.) rushed to help the quivering alicorn.
Let me explain something to you, dear readers. First of all. I explained that my powers are directly tied to my food supply. That’s only half of it. My body doesn’t recycle blood, so I have to get as much of it as I can. Sure, I won’t die, but the longer I go without blood, the harder it gets to retain control. I digress into a blood-starved vampire, and blindly go after food. When that happens, I lose all control, and essentially rip the throats out of the people and animals I kill. It also takes a huge amount of concentration, among other things, to not instantly turn to ash when I go in the sun. That wouldn’t kill me either, but it hurts. Bad. Blood also fuels my powers. That includes shape shifting, magic in general, and breaking up my body into a large amount of bats. So, yeah. Pretty hungry at the start. Oh! And one more thing. You know all the stories about feeding being pleasurable? They’re all lies. Feeding is unpleasant for both parties. Blood tastes like it does for humans. All metallic and stuff. And it does not feel good to have two 2 inch fangs stick through your jugular. Even for other vamps. Got it? Good.
I reformed just outside the castle, in an alleyway. Their city had more than one guard going after me, and I had to take extra precautions. I shivered and closed my eyes. Time slowed to a fraction as I felt the painful, but familiar, feeling of shape-shifting. The crack of bones and shifting of organs hurts like a bitch, not to mention the sight of losing your fingers (or, depending on the circumstances, getting a few more.). After a moment or so, i opened my eyes and looked at my new body. I was now one of those creatures, a unicorn. It took a bit, but I figured out how to walk on all fours correctly. I walked out of the alley way and walked past the checkpoint that the guards had initiated on the way out of the city. It seemed as if the only way out of the city, aside from a sharp cliff face, was a train. I sighed. All though I was not looking forward to sitting awkwardly on a train seat for at least an hour or so, I was willing to go through it to get away from the castle. I know I said that I had a vendetta, but I wasn’t staying in a city with the princess of the sun. That would just be stupid. I reached out with my magic, trying to find some pure-bloods. Vampire king power, doesn’t need blood. I felt a few in a small rural town nearby called ponyville, about a day’s train ride. I smiled. Soon I would have their heads on a pike.
After an hour of the train sitting there, due to matenence or some such nonsense, we finally got going. I was sitting in booth, thankfully empty, as i read a newspaper that had been strewn on the ground. It was rather entertaining. Like a child had written it.
"Excuse me, is someone sitting here?" i lowered the paper to view a rather beautiful (for a horse) pony pointing at the seat across from me. I shook my head and she sat down. She had black hair, parted to the left. She had a grey coat, with a purple treble clef as a cutie mark. "Thanks. Where are you going?"
"Ponyville."
"Oh so am i! I’m going to visit one of my old friends."
"Mmm."
I looked her up and down, and she seemed slightly... off. Like she didn't really know why she was here. I shrugged and turned the page.
{=====}
A half hour later, we were finally off. And at that time, she had decided to once again attempt to engage me in idle banter. Having already finished my newspaper, i decided to humor her.
"Where are you from?"
"The east."
"Why did you come here?"
"I have relatives here."
"What do you think of equestria so far?"
"...Quaint. It has its ups and downs."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Certainly. First, you’re ruled over by an immortal sun goddess. Interpret that, as you will. Next, your most powerful weapon is fueled by friendship, and is in the hands of teenagers. It also seems that you tend to sweep things under the rug, until they decide to pop their ugly heads up again. You’ve had a thousand years of peace, and you’re surrounded by aggressive species on all sides. It seems the only thing keeping them at bay is that fact that your princess rules the sun, but if they figure out a loophole to that, don't expect them to just leave you alone. Oh and your most powerful weapon has a very obvious weakness: it can't work if any of the bearers decide that they don't want to destroy that particular evil."
She looked at me as if i had just insulted her mother. Then she giggled. "My, leave it to a foreigner to tell us our weaknesses. That’s actually quite troubling."
I raised an eyebrow. "How did you know i was a foreigner? I don't remember telling you that."
She smiled. "You have a slight accent, and," she moved in close, "you smell like one."
"... If you’re trying to get me to sleep with you, it's not working."
She reared back in an exaggerated movement. "Wha- wh- why i never! Why would i possibly want to bed one as... robust... or as... handsome as you?" she batted her eyes sensually.
Now lets get some thing clear. I may have just threatened a sun goddess, and am now currently on the lam, but i am still Vlad Tepes, immortal vampire king. And as much as i hate to say it, i am very susceptible to flattery.
I grinned. "Flattery will get you everywhere." she moved over to the seat right next to mine.
"Then how about when we reach our destination, you come visit me in my room? I’m sure your relatives can wait a night."
{=======}
A while later we had reached ponyville, and i realized i had two problems. One, i had no luggage. I dodged that question easily, simply saying that i find it unlucky to carry much over such along distance. Not entirely a lie. Problem #2. I have absolutely no idea where the purebloods are. I know that they're in ponyville, but that's pretty much it. I mentally sighed. A night of joviality in bed with a beautiful member of another species should help clear my head.
{=====}
When rarity got back, she screamed. Back in the boutique, she was very glad she had splurged for soundproof walls and windows. While she was busy throwing things, sweetie belle, came in to the room. Rubbing her eyes she mumbled,
"Rarity? What happened? Is everything alright?"
The half crazed fashonista walked up to the poor filly, and kicked her in the chest. She smiled when she heard the satisfying sound of ribs cracking. She almost broke out in a laugh. She hadn't laughed for real in a long time, though, and she wasn't going to start now.
"No you little shit! All sorts of shit happened! First off all, a vagrant accosted me, and then a vampire was awakened from a stone enchantment! Fuck!" bringing her hoof down on her sister’s head, she was very happy to hear a loud crack as sweetie’s skull broke.
"But rarity, a regular vampire can't challenge you. You run an army!" another hoof was brought down on her throat, smashing her neck.
"Damn fucking right, a normal one of those blood sucking fuckers can't beat me! I’m a muthafuckin ghoul queen, the best there is! I don't remember saying you could speak, you piss-ant! Now pick your self up, i have a job for you." having expended much of her anger on sweetie belle, she watched as her sisters wounds repaired themselves. "Now, this vamp was in a stone enchantment- that means...?"
Sweetie belle thought for a moment, which was moment to long for rarity, who brought down a sledgehammer down on her sisters leg. Biting her tongue in pain, she fell to the ground.
Rarity scowled. "It means that we're dealing with a vampire who's older than a thousand years, a patriarch! They make pure bloods look like fledglings!"
As the bone in her sister’s leg fixed itself, she whispered two things to her sister. "Now, sweetie, you will go down to the cemetery and tell lotus and aloe to gather the brood. I want that vampires head on a silver platter by tomorrow. Capiche?" sweetie nodded furiously. "Good. When you come back, I’ll have tea ready." rarity kissed her on the forehead and nodded towards the door. Taking the hint she got up, completely healed, and ran out towards the cemetery.
{======}
Applejack ran up to the house fast, and bowed all the way to the ground when she saw grandmother smith. She was allowed to call her 'grannie' among her friends, but alone she was to call her grandmother. After approximately 25 seconds of bowing, she said,
"Grandmother, i must speak with alpha Breaburn."
Grandmother smith rubbed her chin and said. "Why?"
"A vampire was awakened from the magic stone. He spoke the old tongue."
"That is not a light accusation, and it would be a waste of the alphas time if they are false. Did you hear him speak it?"
"Yes grandmother. He threatened the princesses, right in front of us."
"Mmm. this might pique his interest. Very well, i shall contact him. Now, you have chores to do."
Applejack nodded and ran off to help her brother lift a particularly finicky barrel of apples.
Grandmother smith went into the house, to a particular contraption, right next to the stove. Bowing in front of it she whispered,
"Aș dori să vorbesc cu alfa"
The machine flickered to life and a picture the mayor of appeloosa appearing. It said, "What troubles you, disciple of the alpha Breaburn?"
Bowing to the ground, she said, "My granddaughter has relayed some information to me, that i think might interest the alpha."
The mayor pondered her comment and waved his hoof, signaling her to go on.
"My daughters daughter relayed to me that a vampire has escaped from the curse of stone. He speaks the old tongue."
The mayor’s eyebrow raised. "Interesting. I shall tell the alpha. Goodbye. Grandmother smith."
Nodding as the device switched off, the thought that she must prepare dinner for the young ones.
{=======}
Pinkamina Diane Pie walked into Shugarcube Corner, ignoring the greeting of the cakes, and went down to the basement. Bypassing the many enchantments set up, she grabbed her hat off the hat rack, and her personal wand off the horn rack, and she walked into a magic circle, careful to not tip over any salt or candles, and sat in the middle. Concentrating, three blue orbs of magic goop came out of her wand. They were followed by three names. Respectively, Maud, Blinkie, and Inkie. The one farthest to the left glowed with magic and a disembodied voice came though.
"What do you want, pinkie? What time is it?"
"Sisters, i was in canterlot recently-
"What else is new?" the one on the far right glowed.
Scowling, pinkamina continued. "I was in canterlot recently, and we were attacked by a vampire."
"So?"
"Stop interrupting me, Blinkie."
"I would if you weren't so booooooorrrrriiing!!"
Pinkamina was about to retort, when the middle one, silent until now, said, "enough. Continue, pinkie."
"Thank you Maud. Any way, this vampire had supposedly been released from a stone enchantment, brought on by-"
"Stone is stone! It doesn't matter how!"
Pinkie rolled her eyes, and continued. "If he was in stone, that means that he was at least a thousand years old, plus he spoke the old tongue. And he threatened the princesses!"
Maud’s orb perked up at this. "Oh?"
Pinkie nodded in affirmation. "This... is... PERFECT! How long has it been since we could study a patriarch vampire! I can't wait!"
"I’m so excited!"
"So am i! What should we do, Maud?"
The middle orb sat still for a moment, and finally said, "pinkie, there is no chance he stayed in canterlot. So he must be in ponyville. I suggest you find him and keep an eye on him. Don’t engage him. Follow him, and if anything else attacks him, help him if he needs it. But keep a low profile. I was planning to visit soon, so this is pretty advantageous. Maud out."
With that the three orbs disappeared, leaving pinkie in perpetual darkness.
"Please, let me go. What did i do to deserve this?"
Moving over to where the voice was coming from, she felt for something, finding a light switch. Hitting it revealed a surgeon’s table and a purple and pink filly with a tiara for a cutie mark.
"You didn't do anything, it was just your time." conjuring up a scalpel, she placed it on her throat. "I think I’ll bake you into a cake."
{=======}
Twilight shivered. She had gotten back to the tree house at 6:45 pm, and spike was asleep. She yawned, and she should have gone to sleep, but she was determined to read up on vampires. Pulling out one of her books, the monster bible, she started flipping through the pages, attempting to track down vampires. The book wasn't written in alphabetical order, and she hadn't read it in a while so she had to do some digging.
'witches, werewolves, ghouls, animunculai, ah here we are! Vampires.
