Celestia Takes A Selfie

by Alsvid

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1419

Someone lets Princess Celestia have an iPhone.

Princess Celestia finds an iPhone, and, like most intelligent creatures, when given a smartphone, she proceeds to take a picture of herself with it.

I only did this because nobody else seems to have done it - to the best of my knowledge, that is! The soundtrack for this fic is '#Selfie" by The Chain Smokers. Enjoy. I know I certainly did.

#oneshot
#silly
#selfie

Published 2014-09-07 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-07 03:20:02 UTC

1. #Selfie

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAUGH!"

Discord shot into the air, blasted to the high heavens by a twinned beam of white and blue light. He disappeared with a twinkle over the horizon.

Princess Celestia, panting triumphantly, her flanks lathered with sweat, turned to her sister, Princess Luna, with a brash grin. "We showed him, didn't we? Give me an exploding hoof bump, Luna!"

Luna dutifully gave Celestia an exploding hoof bump, furrowing her brows thoughtfully. "Hmmm."

"What?"

"Well, wasn't Discord supposed to...well...disappear forever, after the last time we took care of him? Or be rehabilitated? Or something? I even heard he got a job! Why is he here? That does not make sense!"

"Who cares?" Celestia rolled her eyes. "You're a pony with a horn! Nothing makes sense around here!"

"YOU'RE a pony!" Luna shouted at Celestia.

"Yes, and?" Celestia said, drily, raising an eyebrow slowly.

Luna snorted and stamped. "Gah! Never mind!" She turned to prance away, and nearly fell right on her face.

"Ouch!" A white rectangle, approximately the size of one of Celestia's scrolls, skidded out from under her.

"What is it?" Celestia asked.

Luna poked curiously at the small white rectangle with her hoof.

"Luna, don't step on it. Let me see." Celestia picked up the small rectangle with a beam from her horn, examining it. There was minute writing, done in a reflective mirrored script that shone in the light. Above it was a picture of an apple, minus a bite. "It says here that it was designed by Apple in California, and manufactured in China. What are those? I...phone? What?"

"Maybe that's what it's called."

"So what do you do with an I-Phone? It's sort of shiny. Maybe it's a looking glass?"

"Not likely. It's far too small."

Celestia turned it over. "Luna, look. It shows the time."

The iPhone had the lame default wallpaper, proving that Discord was a loser who didn't know how to change his phone's wallpaper, or was just too lazy to do it.

Luna bent to look at the iPhone. "Slide to unlock, huh? Aren't you going to slide it and see what's inside?"

Celestia did so. "What do I do now?"

"Just touch things."

"Okay! I wonder what Instagram is?" Celestia tapped the INSTAGRAM icon.

The screen changed. She was looking at herself! And Luna!

"Whoah! Luna, check this out! It's you, and me! This is amazing!"

"I don't see what's so amazing about it. So it's a mirror, after all?"

Celestia pressed the big blue button at the lower portion of the screen The phone made a pleasing CLICK! sound. "Look, it took a picture of us!"

"So what?" Luna said, sounding totally unimpressed.

"I'm gonna take another one! Luna, come over here so you can be in it, too."

Before Luna could reply, Celestia snuggled up next to her and took a picture. She then puffed her lips out and took a picture.

"Ooh, wait, let me try this out. It's got filters! Help me choose a filter, Luna."

"Aren't you supposed to be meeting that purple pony you like so much, though? You said you had some business with her...oh, what's her name, I know I can remember it...Afternoon Shade? Midnight Sun?"

Celestia squeaked. "Ah! You mean Twilight Sparkle, my precious pupil? Yes, I was supposed to go to Ponyville and speak to her...but first, let me take another selfie."

BOOM! The doors to Celestia's chamber swung open. A platform with an entire DJ set on it - with Vinyl Scratch on the decks - rolled in. Vinyl Scratch grinned with an almost insane look of anticipation, picked up the needle and let it drop.

A heavy bass beat shook the chamber. Bright green lasers spiraled, swirled, and darted about. Multicolored spotlights swung to and fro.

Luna watched, in horror, as Celestia's Royal Guards burst into spontaneous dance. "You there! Guard! Stop that display at once! What are you doing?!" she bellowed, in her finest tones. Even that was barely audible over Vinyl's sound system.

"I...I can't stop, Princess!" the Guard yelled back at her, although he sounded much less worried than Luna did.

Celestia jumped up on Vinyl's platform, dancing exuberantly, shaking her flanks and bobbing her head, her mane flying wildly.

Vinyl caught a glimpse of Celestia's jiggling Cutie Mark from her vantage point behind her turntables, and bit her lip. "Dat flank," she murmured to herself. She was so enthused, she pumped up the volume. The palace windows began to rattle.

With a blink of her eyes, Celestia teleported the entire party out of her palace.

______

Anon was in his house, looking at /mlp/. Blinding light filled his room, and Celestia fell upon his bed, her legs outstretched, in a most vulnerable position.

A single tear rolled down Anon's cheek. "I...I always knew you felt this way. About us, I mean. I'm ready, Celestia." He walked over to the bed and was about to throw himself down upon Celestia - but then he found himself being hauled up by Celestia's magical powers, his face pressed against Celestia's.

"But first...let me take a selfie!"

"You what?" Anon gave her a quizzical look.

"Let me put in a caption. Hashtag anonymous, hashtag chilling, hashtag selfie...alright! Let me take another selfie!"

Celestia held up the iPhone and snapped a photo of herself and Anonymous.

Suddenly Anonymous became aware of the pulsing Techno music coming from outside. He wriggled out of Celestia's grasp, ran over to his window, flinging it open and looking out. "Who are they?" he asked Celestia.

"Oops! We weren't even supposed to be here! My bad! I'm terrible with directions!" Celestia giggled, throwing herself off the bed. "See ya!" She disappeared with another flash of light. So did the other ponies, and their soundsystem with them.

"Celestia! Wait! Take me with you! Nooooooooooo!" Anon screamed, falling to his knees.

_______

A blast of light, and Celestia's party spilled out into Ponyville. In the midst of the action, a red-and-black Alicorn stumbled out of the dancing crowd. "Wow, I'm finally in Equestria! I always wanted this to happen! I'm so glad I've gotten out of Earth so I can- oof!"

Celestia's wildly gyrating flank smacked into him, sending him flying. Celestia was too caught up in shaking her hips to the intense electronic dance music to notice, as were her Guards.

______

"What's all that noise, Twilight?"

"Pinkie Pie, doing something random, I shouldn't wonder," Twilight muttered, as she read a scroll, paying no attention to the rapidly-growing party in the Ponyville square. "Spike! Pay attention! This is more serious than...."

She trailed off as she found Celestia pushing between them, shocked into silence. Celestia threw her foreleg around Spike's shoulders, pushing her face next to his. "Let me take a selfie!"

"Waaaah!" Spike screamed and flung his paws over his face as the iPhone gave a loud "CLICK!"

He found that he was quite alright. Nothing had been blasted off him. He was still the same shape. But Celestia was still next to him. The phone clicked and clicked again. Celestia winked at the camera for one shot, pouted her lips for another, and tossed her mane for yet another selfie.

"Twilight! PLEASE tell me you read something about this!?" Spike shot a nervous glance at Twilight. "Uh-oh."

He knew that expression. He could practically hear the audible "SNAP" of Twilight's mind breaking - again. Her pupils were the size of pinheads, her teeth bared in a psychotic leer. Twilight fell flat on her back, curling up into the fetal position.

"Thanks, Twilight," Spike said, with a defeated sigh.

He let himself be scooped up by Celestia, who was burbling happily at him over his shoulder. "What should I use as a caption, Spike? I want it to be clever? What about, "Living with my fillies, hashtag fabulous? I want to get, like, one thousand views on Instagram. C'mon, help me choose a cool caption. I'm gonna take another selfie!"

Spike shrugged, and then imitated Celestia's lip-pout, as best as he could, being a baby dragon with a snout. Celestia did the same and snapped a picture of them.

Then he followed Celestia into the crowd. More ponies were filtering into it from the rest of Ponyville, excitedly talking amongst themselves about the party going down.

THE END.

Author's Note

Yes, yes, I know, where are the chapters on your other things. I really had to do this, though. It had been floating around my head for a while.