An Epicly Epic Crossover of Epic Epicness

by arcTangent

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other
Length: 3226

Pinkie destroys the fourth wall, bringing a ton of characters into Ponyville.

Ponyville had always been a place for strange happenings. From hydras to parasprites and even Cerberus, Twilight had always been able to roll with the punches and let things slide. But after Pinkie's tampering with the fabric of reality causes a whole slew of characters to find themselves into town, her sanity becomes put to the ultimate test.

This is intended to be a satire of Crossovers in general. I don't dislike these types of stories (in fact I'm working on two of them right now); I just wanted to explore the consequences of throwing too many characters into the mix. Written in one sitting while blasting General Mumble and Nirvana.

Published 2012-04-27 00:34:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-27 00:34:03 UTC

Let The Crossover Madness Begin!

Ponyville. It has always been a safe haven for earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns alike. Apart from the occasional mythological monster wandering into town, the village is a place where ponies could live in peace and harmony. And not just ponies--there were mules, cows, sheep, even griffons who call the city their home.

Ponyville. It is a town located in the country of Equestria, a land ruled by two powerful alicorns named Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. These winged unicorn sisters control the sun and the moon respectively, and they are the reason for the day-and-night cycle that their land possesses.

Ponyville. It is a location that rests upon its own unique span of existence, separate from all other variations of reality and variations of those variations and variations of those variations of those variations and so on and so on and so on. All the inhabitants of these separate universes know nothing of each others' existence, and if they are aware of other universes besides their own, they believe them to be fiction: impossibly surreal places that they could never hope to visit in person, merely gaze at wistfully and fantasize about.

Such is the nature of the universe. That is, until the day the fabric of space-time was torn apart by a certain pink earth pony who just so happened to be the one being in the entire history of existence capable of circumventing these universal barriers separating realities from each other.

Pinkie Pie bounced down Mane Street, her fluffy mane flopping around as she blissfully skipped without a care in the world. On a normal day, she usually went out for a stroll in the afternoon, waving at everypony she passed by and greeting them with a cheerful "hello." She never failed to bring a smile to anyone's face.

Today, however, was not a normal day. She was on her way to talk to a friend about something very important she'd recently discovered. She didn't understand what it meant, but she knew her friend was a very smart unicorn who'd read lots of books. Hopefully she would know something about it.

Pinkie arrived at the door of her friend's house. It wasn't really a house per se; it used to be the Ponyville Public Library, carved right out of a tree trunk in the middle of town, until the unicorn had moved in as its current resident. Pinke heard a rumor that she was instructed by the princess herself to study the magic of friendship, a rumor that Pinkie had confirmed herself. Sometimes she forgot what was said by her and what someone else said to her. She was a little ditzy sometimes. But not as ditzy as the local mail carrier.

The library's resident swung open the door with the power of her magical horn. She seemed a little surprised to see the earth pony at her front door, considering the fact that she had never picked up a book in her life, but she was pleased nonetheless.

"Twilight!" Pinkie cried before the lavender unicorn had a chance to answer. "I found something really weird over in the middle of the forest! You've got to come check it out!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Pinkie, the last time you called me to look at something strange it turned out to be a deformed potato."

Pinkie shook her head adamantly. "I'm serious this time! It's some kind of gateway or window or something! I don't think it's from Equestria! I think it leads to..." She gulped and looked around hastily, as if she didn't want to be overheard. "...another dimension!"

Twilight laughed. "Okay, now I really don't believe you. A portal to another dimension? Get real."

"I am real, Twilight! I'm really as really real as a really real Really McRealerson!"

Twilight blinked, unable to comprehend the logic that Pinkie had just used. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and said, "Pinkie, I'm really busy right now. I'll play some more games with you later."

"But it's not a game!" Pinkie was grabbing on the Twilight's legs by now. "Something weird and trans-portally is happening! You've got to believe me!"

Twilight sighed, not believing how much of a pushover she was. "Fine. Just make this quick, okay? I have loads of organizing to do when we--"

She was cut off by her manic friend sweeping her off her feet, dragging her along the ground as she galloped into the forest to show off her discovery of the gateway into the secrets of the universe.

Twilight gasped when she saw that Pinkie wasn't kidding. There, situated in the far corner of the forest, was a swirling vortex of white light. It appeared to be comprised of pure energy, creating a void just big enough for two ponies to pass through.

"See? I told you it was some spooky interdimensional stuff!" Pinkie yelled at her friend. The latter stared dumbfounded at the vortex, unable to look away from it.

"How--how did--did you find this?" Twilight stammered, her brain unable to process what she was seeing.

The earth pony shrugged. "I don't really remember. I was walking through the woods and I just--OH! I felt a doozy coming on, except it was bigger than a doozy! It was like a mega-doozy! Anyway, I felt it wiht my Pinkie Sense, and then it just...appeared out of nowhere! I don't know how it got there or what it is, so I came to you. And then I tried to convince you to let me show you what it was but you were soooo stubborn! But then I got you to agree and, well, here we are! And then I started to tell me about how I felt a doozy coming on, except it was bigger than a doozy! It was like a--"

"PINKIE!" Twilight yelled, rubbing her temples vigorously. "Will you shut up for just one second?"

Pinkie frowned and instantly quieted down. She didn't like being yelled at--no one does--but she understood that the unicorn had to focus.

Twilight continued to stare at the vortex. It was strangely quiet; she'd have thought it would have made at least some noise. "Pinkie, do you know what this is?" she said after a moment. "This is a rift in the space-time continuum! If we don't patch it up, the entire universe--no, every universe that has ever existed will cease to exist! We've got to warn the princess about this! Maybe she and her sister can help fix things before things start to go wrong! C'mon, Pinkie!"

Twilight waited for the earth pony to respond. All she heard was silence. She turned to see her friend had vanished.

"Where did...?" she began, but with a shock she realized exactly what had happened. "Oh no, not again," she muttered as she jumped into the void after her friend.

The trip was, surprisingly, both short and painless. Twilight couldn't remember what the experience was like, because it felt like a huge blur of light and color. After what seemed to take merely seconds, she was spat back out of the portal onto the ground.

She gazed at her surroundings and instantly noticed something odd. Apparently some weird loop had occurred and she'd bounced back. She was still in the middle of the forest, as if nothing had happened.

Well, something had happened, actually. Two somethings.

Pinkie Pie was standing in front of the portal, grinning at Twilight as she usually does every second of every day. Standing next to her was a man in a dark black outfit, adorned with a bat logo.

"Who's this?" she asked, puzzled by the definitely non-pony creature.

"I'm the goddamn Batman," he replied.

"Isn't he cool?" Pinkie beamed at her new friend. "He just showed up out of nowhere when I fell in the hole! He's like Mare Do Well, only he's a bat! And bats are COOL!"

"I'll tell you what's cool," said a British voice from nowhere, right before a sharply-dressed man with a glowing screwdriver-shaped device stepped out of the portal. "Fezzes. Fezzes are cool."

Twilight didn't know what a fez was, but she assumed it was the ugly-looking red cap on the man's head. Who in the name of Celestia would think to wear that thing? she pondered as Pinkie bounced over to the new arrival and asked his name.

"I'm the Doctor," the man replied.

"Doctor Who?" Pinkie asked innocently enough, without realizing she had mentioned the name of a very popular and long-running television series.

"Just the Doctor."

"Doctor Who?"

"Yes, the Doctor."

"DOCTOR WHO?"

"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, the reference having gone on far too long. "Cut it out! You're starting to sound like Owlowiscious!"

"Who? Who? Who? Who?"

Twilight's blood started to boil. "PINKAMENA DIANE PIE, STOP WHOING THIS INSTANT!"

"Actually, that was me," said another disembodied British voice. This time what emerged from the portal was not a man, but a boy. A teenage boy with a lightning bolt-shaped scar barely visible beneath his fringe of messy black hair. He was wearing a red-and-yellow striped scarf, and on his shoulder was the source of the whoing: a white snowy owl.

The boy waved the otherwise mundane stick he was holding and chanted some words in an ancient-sounding language. A dead mouse appeared in the boy's hand, which he fed to his owl. She immediately stopped whoing and devoured the rodent whole.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Hedwig gets pretty annoying when she's hungry."

Twilight stared at the three human males as they stood in front of the portal, not really doing much but mulling around. "Jeez, what's with all these nut-jobs?" she asked, unable to understand how this had happened.

"I know!" Pinkie piped up. "British people are so weird!"

"I'd be careful about saying things like that if I were you," Twilight warned.

"Why? What's wrong with saying people from England are dumb?"

Suddenly, Pinkie disappeared from the story. She was banished from existence because she insulted Great Britain. It is the best country in the world, and everyone who lives there is an awesome person just for living there, especially a certain person in particular whose username begins with a "k".

With Pinkie gone, Twilight was left standing there staring at the men. She had no idea what to do with them. She contemplated shoving them back into the portal, or taking them home and hiding them away forever, but before she could do anything a blue tornado zoomed past her.

"What in the name of..." she thought aloud as she caught sight of a fast-moving blue hedgehog zip past.

"You're too slow!" he shouted as he ran off to look for some chili dogs to munch on.

Twilight frowned. This had gone on far enough. She swore to Celestia, if another non-equine showed up in Ponyville she would--

"Excuse me, miss," said a sultry voice from behind. "Do you know where I could find my daughter Casey? I have a gift for her."

Twilight turned around to see a middle-aged man with ragged blond hair that vaguely resembled Ramen noodles. He had a bloody, stained tank top and a stuffed rabbit in his hand. It appeared to be torn and battered, as if it had been through a long journey involving airplanes, espionage, and a cheesy theme song performed by a 90's teenage pop singer.

The dumbstruck unicorn shook her head, a look of confusion eminent on her face. The man sadly turned and walked away glumly. Unbeknownst to him, he was being followed by a spider-like alien girl with pointed horns and gray skin, her blue lips curled into a smile of delight at the site of her idol. Unbeknownst to her, she was being followed by an orange-skinned webcomic author who was holding a ring and chasing after his true love, even if she was merely a character he had created himself.

Twilight watched the seen unfold. "What the hay was that all about?" she asked no one in particular.

Suddenly the vortex began to emit a high-pitched groan as it doubled in size. Without warning, boatloads of fictional characters sprang forth from its depths, creating more chaos than Discord himself could ever possibly hope to cause.

Twilight stared in horror as every character imaginable (and plenty more unimaginable) sprang from the vortex. Characters of all shapes, sizes, and species appeared from the gape in the fourth wall and ran rampant through town.

A smiling clown with red shoes was chasing a dark-haired man with a golden crown around, throwing french fries and hamburgers at him as ammunition for some sort of rivalry the two apparently had. A cat with a Pop-Tart for a body flew across the sky above, leaving a rainbow trail not unlike that of Rainbow Dash, off to do battle with a monochromatic-trailed Belgian waffle cat. Meanwhile, a fat Italian with a red cap was jumping around like an idiot, trying to collect imaginary coins and stomp on invisible mushroom creatures.

Twilight turned her head to spot a preteen African-American boy with impossibly high tube socks and the dorkiest glasses she'd ever seen, who stumbled backwards in surprise at the lavender equine. He looked down at the grass stains on his cardigan sweater and exclaimed in an incredibly annoying and high-pitched voice, "Did I do that?"

The unicorn was about to help him up when she felt a rumbling coming from below. A dark, ominous shadow passed over her, momentarily turning the sky dark. She stared up at the giant blue robot as it trampled trees and buildings, observing its surroundings before transforming into a large eighteen-wheeler.

She blinked. As she regained her composure, she was suddenly staring at a small blue pixie-like creature, who incessantly flew around her head and shouted, "Hey! Listen! Watch out! Hey! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Watch out! Hey! Listen!"

Twilight galloped away from the fairy as fast as she could. Five minutes of that would make anyone go mute, unable to converse in anything except agitated screeches and screams.

She was halted in her escape by a plump pink puffball, with huge eyes and brandishing a marker that looked like a microphone. It looked frustrated at having been tripped over for a moment, but the expression soon passed as she opened her mouth to sing a lullaby.

"Jigg-ally-puff, jigga-llyyyyyyy-puff! Jigg-ally-puff, jigga-llyyyyyyyyyyyy..."

Twilight began to get drowsy at the sound of the creature's voice. Before she could nod off, however, it was hit with a giant wooden hammer, sending it flying into the atmosphere. The hammer was being wielded by a rather large and regal-looking penguin-like creature, who gasped as he realized that what he had attacked was not his nemesis after all.

The penguin was soon approached by a blue wizard, who asked, "Hey, you look like you've had your share of princesses lately! Ya know where a guy like me could find a few? And maybe some fish for Gunter?"

Twilight didn't like where this conversation was going. She scrambled away, her thoughts tumbling over as a man with extremely spiky hair and a giant bandaged sword ran past, chasing after an odd-looking half-angel with a rapier longer than he was tall. A young man in a distinctive red vest seemed oblivious to everything around him, muttering something about a "DeLorean" and a doctor. Behind him, a fat orange tabby and a middle-aged man were apparently having a conversation about lasagna.

Then, out of nowhere, Twilight abruptly stopped walking, ignoring a ridiculously photogenic guy run past her being chased by some human females. Following his hasty exit, a scraggly-bearded teen eating a giant sandwich was feeding explosively energized treats to his talking brown dog, while a hunter with an oversized cap with a speech impediment walked closely behind, on the prowl for a "wascally wabbit," oblivious to the fact that his New York accented prey was keeping pace right behind him.

She stood in the center of town, watching as the disintegrated fourth wall continued to spawn aliens, zombies, humans, anthropomorphic creatures, and everything and anything she could possibly imagine. She had had enough. With a bellow louder than that of the semi-naked primal man swinging on a vine through the forest behind her, she screamed.

"EVERYPONY AND EVERYTHING IN THIS TOWN IS CRAZY!"

Her words echoed throughout the sudden silence that had befallen the town. The air became deathly still as all the characters that had sprung forth from the portal stopped speaking and turned to face her. They all gave her menacing death glares, as if something about what she had just cried out had triggered a hidden ability within the minds of all fictional characters: murder combat mode.

"Horse feathers," Twilight swore. She was now faced up against an army of characters with weapons, armed to the teeth and ready to kill her and slaughter every living thing in town. And to make matters worse, Pinkie Pie and her reality-bending abilities were nowhere to be seen.

"What are you talking about?" Pinkie asked. "I'm right here, silly!"

Ignoring the advancing army, Twilight looked at Pinkie in shock. "Pinkie Pie? But how did...I thought you were...Didn't you..."

"Huh? Oh, you mean about when I was banished from the story! It's okay, I just used my powers to bypass the mods. And now I'm here to tell you that we have to get back to the portal!"

"What? But we went into the portal and it didn't go anywhere!"

"Yes it did, Twilight! Haven't you noticed that there aren't any other ponies here?"

It dawned on Twilight that Pinkie was correct: she hadn't seen other ponies in town, just everything else that wasn't a pony.

"So what you're saying is that this isn't Ponyville?"

"Right! This is a figment of your imagination!"

Twilight, who didn't have much trouble following her friend up until now, was at a loss for words. "My imagination?"

"Yeah! You're dreaming, remember?"

At this moment in time, Twilight realized that she was dreaming. The second the thought crossed her mind, she woke up. The alternate version of Ponyville was gone, and she was lying in the bed in her home. Spike was snoring away loudly, curled up in his bed at the top of the stairs. A beam of light from Luna's moon was streaming through the window, creating a pool of moonlight on her bed. There was no evidence that there was or had ever been any fictional character emerge from the portal that separated the world of Equestria from other universes and variations of reality.

"Well, that was certainly anticlimactic."

References (in Order of Appearance)

For those who aren't sure exactly which character is which, I've compiled an answer key. The title in parentheses is what they're from, for the more obscure ones.

-Batman
-The Doctor (Doctor Who)
-Harry Potter and Hedwig
-Sonic the Hedgehog
-Cameron Poe (Con Air)
-Vriska Serket (Homestuck)
-Andrew Hussie (Homestuck)
-Ronald McDonald
-The Burger King
-Nyan Cat
-Mario
-Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
-Optimus Prime (Transformers)
-Navi (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)
-Jigglypuff (Pokemon)
-King Dedede (Kirby)
-Ice King (Adventure Time)
-Cloud and Sephiroth (Final Fantasy 7)
-Marty McFly (Back to the Future)
-Garfield
-Zeddie Little (Ridiculously Photogenic Guy)
-Shaggy and Scooby-Doo
-Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)
-Tarzan