A Derpy Tale

“Whoa, fighting is a lot of work!” exclaimed Cyrus as they all set out camp for the night.

They had dealt with all the dobolins in the lair, and they had found a nice tree to sleep in. There, Durpy had noticed that Cyrus was actually cross-eyed. Bob had fallen asleep as soon as Durpy finished making his makeshift bed out of leaves and twigs. Cyrus stood up and said,

“So I guess I’ll keep guard.”

“We don’t need a guard, no one will come, trust me,”

Cyrus shrugged and asked,

“I never got to ask you where that dagger came from. Where did it?”

Durpy looked at her empty hands.

“I don’t know. It dissolved after the fight. I really don’t know where it went nor why it even came to me,”

Cyrus said,

“Don’t you think it’s weird that I’m a talking alligator?”

“No,” said Durpy.

She was used to way weirder things in Derplandia (had you even heard of ballet dancing hippos? Or about the hooting lions? Maybe about the tiny elephants that gave you cookies if you were nice to them?). Durpy said to Cyrus,

“Good night, I hope we find the muffin tomorrow,” and when she got into her bed, she fell asleep instantly like Bob.

Durpy had odd dreams. She dreamt she was floating through a blue-colored portal, and it was making her swirl around. In her dream, Cyrus was saying to her,

“Durpy, I quit! This was a lost cause! I’m going back to being a normal alligator,” and Cyrus stomped away angrily, into a sparkling blue pond, his back facing her.

Durpy wanted to say,

“No Cyrus, why!?” but she couldn’t say anything.

Then, the pond overflowed, and covered Durpy with water up to her shoulders.

“Help!” she wanted to scream.

Cyrus was nowhere to be seen, so Durpy felt awful. She didn’t even know why Cyrus had left! Then, the water flowed up to her cheeks, and she gargled and said,

“Cyrus! Where are you!?”

But it sounded more like

“Gyrug! Gwer are goo!?”

Then, a horrible sound filled the room. It sounded like death, and it seemed pleased the Durpy was drowning. Though at the same time, it sounded like summer flowers waving in the bright sun. The sound was laughing (it sounded like it was choking on a hairball though) and saying,

“You’ll never get it back! This is not just some pesky quest anymore. One by one, they will leave, leaving you with the power to stop me and reunite the team. But you are too weak, and you will never accomplish your goal!”

Then, it laughed again. Then, the water went down a drain, taking Durpy with it.

“Cyrus!” she screamed when she woke up.

Cyrus sleepily stumbled over to where Durpy was.

“What’s up?” he asked.

Durpy shook her head.

“I had a dream about you,” she said.

“Weird…” said Cyrus.

Cyrus yawned, a weird thing for an alligator, and said,

“Bob’s cooking breakfast. I hope you like eating squash, because he’s pretty good at cooking it.”

Durpy spun her head around, to get a better look at Bob, and Bob seemed delighted to be cooking. Cyrus said,

“Durpy, I have to tell you something important,”

Durpy sat down cross-legged and listened to Cyrus. His pale green scales shone in the moonlight, and Bob was singing ‘Twinkle, twinkle tiny derp’ over and over again in the distance.

“In my dreams,” he started.
“There was a muffin. It looked a lot like the muffin of awesomeness you described to me a while ago, and I think we have a problem,”

“What?” Durpy asked.

“You see―”

“Breakfast is ready!” yelled Bob.

Bob had overcooked the squash, making its usually yellow color become black.

After breakfast, Cyrus took Durpy to another tree, while Bob was counting their supplies. It was a very tall tree, thick at the start and as it got higher, slimmer. Its yellow and green leaves were covered in dew drops, and the tree was a brownish color. Cyrus gestured for Durpy to climb up first, and she stuck her hand out to a branch. Then her foot went up, then her other hand, then her other foot, then again. She was looking out for a sturdy branch that they could talk on, but she got distracted at thoughts of how Cyrus was going to climb this thing. When she started thinking clearly again, she saw that Cyrus was already leaning on a fork-shaped branch, taking in the moonlight. Durpy climbed up, next to her alligator friend, and was at first surprised when he said,

“Don’t you think a day would make more sense if the sun was up with it? Not the moon?”

Durpy opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“I mean, the day would be much brighter, and the night darker,” Said Cyrus.

Durpy spoke this time, but not what she wanted to.

“In the place where Dinkys come from, they always have the day with the sun and the night with the moon.”

Cyrus nodded and changed the topic,

“Well in my dream, I saw the muffin of awesomeness.”

Durpy said,

“Yeah, you told me that already.”

Cyrus sighed.

“Well, Princess Sunshine, my aunt, she was saying that the muffin of awesomeness was gone. She was telling me that now; we were in search of something way more important. I don’t know what she meant by that, but I have a feeling that we are on another quest now. I don’t think we are trying to find the muffin of awesomeness now.”

Durpy was confused.

“What do you mean? You said you also had to go to Crixie Hollow, but why?”

Cyrus clutched his tail tightly and said,

“My aunt, Princess Sunshine… she is trying to do something horrible to Derplandia,”

“What!?” shouted Durpy.

Cyrus tapped his claw on his head, like he was trying to remember something. He said,

“Well, in my dream, she was trying to get some ingredients she needs. All I know right now is that one of them is the muffin of awesomeness.”

Durpy gasped,

“But that’s Derpy’s muffin!”

Cyrus laughed.

“What’s so funny?” said Durpy.

“You see, you never think these things through until you’re up against them,” said Cyrus.

Now Durpy was really confused.

“What didn’t I think about?” she demanded.

Cyrus said,

“About how Derpy even obtained the muffin! You see, I think I understand what’s going on.”

Durpy slapped her hand against her forehead.

“That wasn’t Derpy!”

“Huh?” said Cyrus.