The Lost Human

Chapter 34

1-4-14, 3:07 P.M.

It had been a few days of relaxation, and the human world had quickly lost its allure for the two alien mares. Jeremy felt much the same way, and not even various trips to Equestria served to dampen the boredom, as there was nothing to do there either. So, Jeremy spent most of his time being a couch potato, or playing games in Luna’s new pocket dimension – right now he was checking various websites, refreshing each page and hoping for an update.

Luna walked in, and pulled up a chair from another room. “Jeremy, we have been reading your email, and we need to talk,” she declared, and Chrysalis looked at her before taking a seat on the floor.

Jeremy grimaced. “Yeah…” Should he apologize? Explain, maybe? Luna cut him off.

“We wish that thou would keep us informed of such matters – they are of critical importance to us, after all. Still… it troubles us, this ‘finale’…” Jeremy shrugged, dismissing her concerns.

"If it’s in the show, we’re pretty much guaranteed to win, so I wouldn’t be too unhappy.” Luna frowned, but apparently accepted this argument.

Chrysalis looked between them. “What are you two talking about?” she asked, in utter confusion. Jeremy quickly explained the fourth wall to her, and she looked at him as though he were crazy. To this, Jeremy sighed, and pulled up an episode of My Little Pony for her to watch, specifically selecting her own debut. Chrysalis watched for a while, looking away in disgust at her own monologues and Cadance’s dialogue. Finally, when the episode was over, she turned to Jeremy. “So, this ‘Hasbro’… they’re in control of our universe?”

Jeremy shrugged. “It’s up for debate – honestly, I have no idea at this point which universe is influencing which. Maybe we’ll never know.”

He turned back to his computer, checking his email once more out of boredom. Finding nothing, he turned back to the two mares, who were doing their usual thing and relaxing. Chrysalis seemed to have a special preference for the heating vent over in his bedroom, and Jeremy honestly didn’t blame her – the house could get very cold during the winter. “Anyone else bored out of their skull?” Jeremy asked, and Luna nodded.

“As relaxing as this is, we are beginning to look forward to thy first day of school,” Luna grumbled.

“Oh yeah, that’s tomorrow,” Jeremy remembered. He got up and found his backpack, and checked through the mounds of loose papers for any homework. To his annoyance, he was interrupted by a phone call.

“I got it,” he called out before putting down the backpack and heading downstairs.

Picking it up, he was expecting pre-recorded political advertisements or other spam – none of his friends ever actually called him – but was surprised by a smooth, male voice on the other end, evidently human. “Hello, is this the residence of one Jeremy L.?” the unknown male asked.

“Yes, why?” Jeremy answered, once again expecting nothing good. As the man answered, Luna curiously walked downstairs.

“This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation – we have recently received confirmation of potential anomalous activity involving you, and are requesting a meeting at your earliest convenience.” Jeremy paled even whiter than he normally was, an impressive feat, and the phone shook slightly in his hand as he answered.

“Do you even have the authority to force me to go?” Jeremy alarmedly replied, wishing he were more eloquent in this scenario. The voice chuckled slightly.

“Not at all… but if you don’t, then we have to come over and investigate ourselves. Waste of both our time and yours, not to mention resources. So, are you going or not?” Jeremy thought for a moment, and drooped his head, feeling the embarrassment of a scolded child.

“Yeah, alright, fine. I’ll come. This Saturday sounds good, I guess. Where is this ‘meeting’ at?” he answered dejectedly, fearing the worst.

There were sounds of shuffling paper in the background, and the voice finally replied “We can meet you at our headquarters, which you can find with a simple Google search. Transportation and room and board will be provided should you ask for it. Any other questions?” Jeremy answered in the negative, and they exchanged the usual closing remarks before hanging up.

“Art thou okay?” Luna inquired. Chrysalis was still nowhere in sight. Jeremy gave a shaky sigh before sitting down.

“The government’s onto us,” he explained. Now Luna was alarmed as well.

“What did they want?” Jeremy angrily glared at the phone, as though it were the object of offense and not the nameless man who had utilized it.

“Right now? They want me to meet them, in their headquarters, on the other side of the country. Probably to interrogate me, or something.” Luna gave a thoughtful hum.

“Perhaps they merely wish to speak with thee – despite thine attitude towards thy culture, we still refuse to believe every other human is as bad as thou say.” Jeremy wasn’t willing to argue the point, so he simply shrugged.

Chrysalis came downstairs, laughing to herself about something and quickly stopping at the serious look on the other two’s faces. She paused to sniff the air curiously. “Fear, dismay and just a hint of anger – alright, what happened?” she asked, all traces of earlier mirth gone. Jeremy explained, and to his surprise, Chrysalis reacted more violently than he would have expected. She staggered her way into a chair, face in her hooves.

“…Are you… okay?” Jeremy falteringly asked after a short moment.

“Oh, yes, I’m absolutely fine,” Chrysalis practically snarled through her hooves, her sarcasm dripping. “It’s just – this is the same government you’ve been talking about, which had no problem with committing horrific atrocities and probably wants to strip-mine Equestria now? Oh yes, absolutely peachy,” she continued. Jeremy looked at her – as much as he agreed with the sentiment, he thought her reaction was a little dramatic.

“Relax, I’m sure we’ll be fine. The military couldn’t stop me before, remember?” he reminded her, trying to sound confident. Chrysalis glared at him.

“Even you don’t believe what you’re saying,” she retorted, and Jeremy glared right back at her, remembering that she could read minds and sense emotions.

“Alright, maybe I don’t, but I’m not going to lose hope just yet.” Luna watched the exchange in mild alarm, before clearing her throat. Both Jeremy and Chrysalis looked at her.

“Perhaps we should focus on what we can do about this, and not what this ‘FBI’ might do to us,” she suggested. Jeremy glumly agreed, and set about to brainstorming.

A solid hour later, they didn’t have any good ideas. “Can you teleport me out if anything happens?” Jeremy asked Luna, and she considered.

“Yes, we could, but that would not solve much. Thou would simply have to deal with them later, and they would be even less happy,” Luna replied, and Jeremy grimaced before settling back into his chair and gazing around the kitchen table, as though vaguely hoping to find an answer there. Chrysalis had been silently musing all this time, and Luna had had a few ideas, though with her lack of knowledge of modern human diplomacy, none were viable. Finally, Chrysalis spoke up.

“What if we pretend we’re the ones with the upper hoof here?” she asked. Jeremy looked at her in disbelief, and she pressed on. “Hear me out here. If you act like you hold all the cards, you might be able to intimidate them into leaving you alone. You could threaten them with any number of things – they don’t know how our magic works, right?” she asked, and Jeremy nodded, quickly warming up to this idea. “Then you could say, for example, that Celestia could rain fire down from your own sun if they don’t do as you say. Or that Luna could move your moon away from Earth permanently. Something like that,” she finished. A wicked smile came to Jeremy’s face.

“I like that idea. Incidentally, can you do any of that?” he asked Luna, who shook her head. Of the three, hers was the only face still frowning.

“We do not like manipulating them so… it seems wrong,” she pondered aloud. Chrysalis immediately objected to this, while Jeremy was now inclined to doubt the idea he had been so sure of earlier.

“We’re only going to use it if we have to,” he replied, interrupting Chrysalis’ tirade about unfair play. Chrysalis looked like she was going to object as well, until Jeremy shushed her with a look. “We’ll play by the book… right up until the second they stop. Then all bets are off,” he concluded. Luna still looked skeptical, but less so.

“We still do not think this is a good plan, but… It is a plan,” she conceded. And with that, they adjourned to bed, Jeremy setting his alarm for 6:30 A.M. tomorrow and wishing he only had to deal with either school or the government. Luna crawled into bed with him, and he smiled as he placed an arm around her – an act as comforting to him as he meant to her.

1-5-14, 6:51 A.M.

Jeremy walked into his school building, Luna and Chrysalis tagging along behind him. Luna had taken a while to settle on her human appearance, but Jeremy thought the overall result was very convincing. Chrysalis found no trouble with disguising herself, settling on a random female teen she had seen in the audience of some political speech video. Their official cover story was that Chrysalis – newly renamed Christian – and Luna, who had kept her name, were transfer students from England attending Jeremy’s classes as part of an exchange student program. After the quick conjuration of some official paperwork, they were set to go, and Jeremy warned that these wouldn’t be the only exchange students, thus covering for Lyra and possibly Celestia as well. Luna and Chrysalis fascinatedly followed Jeremy around as he went to his various classes, living up to his exchange host role by explaining to them everything he could think of about the school. The teachers were at first surprised by the sudden appearance of two exchange students, but quickly moved on back to their lesson plans, to Jeremy’s satisfaction.

After four monotonous periods of mind-numbingly boring subjects and note-taking, it was finally time for lunch, and Jeremy did his usual thing and got downstairs before almost everybody else, casually waiting in line. “Salad’s over there, pizza’s over there, and I am off to the grill line,” he stated as he waited for the lunch staff to raise the metal grille and allow the students to enter the serving lines. Once they had all gotten their meals, they headed off to Jeremy’s favorite table, where his human friends usually met up. Introductions were made, and Jeremy found it surprisingly hard to resist telling his friends that they were, in fact, speaking to Princess Luna and Queen Chrysalis – but he successfully resisted the urge. They asked how Mexico was, and he replied with enthusiasm, going into detail on the trip while avoiding any mention of Celestia. After eating quickly, he adjourned to the library, finding to his delight that it had gotten some new books over break. He checked as many out as he could, exchanging small talk with the librarian before heading over to a reading section and opening the topmost of his new books. “How long will those take you to read?” Chrysalis queried, sitting down next to him as Luna looked around the library.

“Hmm… maybe a day?” Jeremy half-jokingly replied. Chrysalis picked up a book from his stack, clumsily dropping it before finally managing to pick it up and open it.

“I never did like opposable thumbs – too unwieldy compared to magic,” Chrysalis muttered so the librarian wouldn’t overhear.

Two class periods later, it was time to go home. Jeremy strode out the door, heading for the bus area as Chrysalis and Luna struggled to keep up. “Do you have to walk so fast?” Chrysalis complained.

“Yes,” Jeremy smugly answered as he walked past the flood of other students, freely stepping off the sidewalk to circumnavigate when needed. Greeting the bus driver with a wave, he walked back to a spot he chose to sit in often, Luna and Chrysalis squeezing into the seat with him.

As soon as they got home, Jeremy took off his ski jacket and tossed his backpack to the side of his computer, waiting for it to boot up. Chrysalis changed back into her normal form, stretching vigorously before heading back through the portal. Luna also headed through, and Jeremy was left to his own devices.

Hours passed before Chrysalis returned, as nonchalant as ever. “So, what have you been up to? Nothing too interesting, I suppose,” Chrysalis commented. Jeremy smirked.

“Homework, research, and games – the usual cocktail of time-killers. You?” Chrysalis shrugged.

“Just making sure the hive was still going in my absence – which it was, of course. We’ve almost got our series of love machines finished, and have started distribution.” Jeremy smiled.

“All right, nice.” Chrysalis crawled up into his lap, and he gave her a brief head rub before resuming his homework.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Chrysalis inquired.

“Sure, what?” Jeremy answered.

“While I was poking around online, I found something called a ‘tranquilizer dart gun’ – why didn’t you use that instead of spraying tranquilizers everywhere?” she asked. Jeremy nervously shifted.

“Truth be told? I’m kind of… afraid of needles,” he mumbled. Chrysalis arched an eyebrow.

“So what? It’s not like you’re getting hit by one.” Jeremy nervously shifted some more, causing Chrysalis to have to steady herself with a hoof.

"Yeah, but… it’s just… whenever I even think about that kind of sensation, or see someone getting injected…” At this point, Chrysalis sat up from her earlier position.

“Okay, seriously, stop. I’m going to fall off at this rate.” Jeremy noticed what he was doing, and immediately stopped, still twitching nervously. “Wow, you really do have a phobia, don’t you,” Chrysalis noted.

“Yeah, well, doesn’t everyone?” Jeremy grumbled. Chrysalis waved a hoof.

“Not always, and not on your level most of the time. Say… how are you okay with fangs in your skin if you’re not okay with needles?” Jeremy shrugged, recalling the incident two mornings ago.

“I guess because it’s easier to see the fangs? I don’t know, they just seem too different for me to make the mental connection or something.” Chrysalis rolled her eyes and settled back down.

As they got ready to go to their respective beds, Lyra bounced through the portal, tackling Jeremy. While he didn’t fall over, he did stumble back, before returning her hug somewhat uncertainly. Chrysalis looked over in surprise.

“Who is that?” she asked in confusion.

“Chrysalis, this is Lyra. She’s really, really into humans, so she’ll also be hanging here,” Jeremy introduced. Lyra backed away at the mention of Chrysalis’ name, whereas Chrysalis just shrugged.

“Sounds good – just don’t touch my cocoon.” Lyra mutely nodded, and Jeremy looked at her quizzically. Guess some prejudices die hard, he thought.