Perks

by Donraj

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1506

Princess Celestia is lectured on history. Turns out she missed some things

Princess Celestia is lectured on history. Turns out she missed some things.

Started as a prompt in the Twilestia collab that got a little long.

Now there is this: http://youtu.be/01tB2JOp1bI

Published 2014-09-09 02:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-10 09:21:03 UTC

Art Restoration

"I don't know what to say Twilight," Princess Celestia said as she looked around the room in disbelief. "How did you even do this?"

Twilight grinned and rubbed her forehooves together eagerly, mentally translating her teacher's words as, "Please give me an extended lecture explaining every step in the process leading to this outcome in painful and excruciating detail."

"Well," she began. "As you know, seven hundred and forty-two years ago during the third uprising of Princess Luna's thestral loyalists (not counting Count Morning Star's attempted coup and subsequent alliance with the Diamond Dog Unterreich as the current scholarly consensus is that he was a secular opportunist) the Canterlot Library's gallery wing suffered a fire while you were conjuring solar flares to melt the now missing portion of the mountainside to flood the area occupied by their army of necromantically animated corpse constructs with lava to check their advance."

"Ah yes," Princess Celestia said absently. "The zomponies."

Twilight nodded. "Yes exactly, the..." Twilight's voice trailed off. "Wait, that's actually the correct term?"

"In the modern vernacular, as Luna would put it," Princess Celestia confirmed. "It is a linguistically correct translation of the word we used at the time."

One of Twilight's eyelids twitched. "But, I told Spike that was just, HOW DOES A BUCKING COMIC BOOK TRUMP AN ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ARCANE TERMINOLOGY FROM—"

"Twilight Sparkle!" Princess Celestia said with exactly the right crack of authority as Twilight began to hyperventilate. Twilight stopped talking and looked up at her.

"It's not important," Princess Celestia assured her in a tone of gentle reassurance. "Now, you were saying?"

Twilight took a slow, deep breath and nodded.

"Anyway, in the aftermath of the destruction of the," the twitch came back for a moment but Twilight forced herself to remain calm with an obvious effort, "the militarized necromantic constructs, it was presumed that a number of diarchy era artifacts had been destroyed before the fire could be brought under control."

"Yes Twilight," Princess Celestia said patiently, "I know. I was there and I was the first one to hear the damage reports."

Twilight felt an odd sense of deja vu but she dismissed it as unimportant. She continued.

"But during my research into the period I started finding an odd correlation when I went over the Guard reports on the Arsenic Lupine burglaries."

Twilight was surprised to hear a low growl come from the princess. She looked up to see her mentor clenching her teeth.

"Yes," Princess Celestia said in what definitely could not be called a snarl. Because Princess Celestia was wise and serene and controlled and would never do such a thing. "I remember that one. A frustrating creature if ever there was one. We never did discover who he was."

Twilight nodded eagerly. "And do you remember that one reporter who did all those columns and exposes about the investigation and was supposedly the only pony to interview the perpetrator?"

Celestia relaxed enough to give a rueful chuckle. "Yes I do. A clever sort that one. I always wished we could have lured him away from journalism and into—"

Celestia stopped short and her eyes went wide. "No," she breathed.

Twilight nodded again. The smile was back. "It was very subtle, but once I started looking into the subject everything fell into place."

Celestia did something Twilight had never seen her do before. She sputtered.

"But, that's not, we ran down every...HOW?!"

The last word came out in full Royal Canterlot Voice. Twilight took an involuntary step back and raised one hoof to fix her mane back into place before continuing.

"My psychological profile suggests that he deliberately set out to create a citywide sensation. When I ran down the document trail it turned out he also owned the paper through three or four cutouts."

"But the griffin feathers!" Celestia protested.

"He was a master of disguise, bar none," Twilight reminded her.

"The wards on the gallery!" Celestia insisted.

"I'm fairly sure he was also the curator," Twilight explained. "So you gave him the talismans to bypass the magical security yourself."

"How could he even carry it all out?!" the princess demanded, still refusing to believe she had been fooled so thoroughly for so long.

"Wasn't he also in charge of hiring and firing non-tenured staff?" Twilight reminded her. "I'm pretty sure most or all of the security ponies were part of his gang."

Princess Celestia stood totally still and unblinking for several minutes. Twilight sat and waited patiently. Finally the princess took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. When she spoke again her voice was calm, controlled, even a bit amused.

"At least I can say that his biggest job boiled down to luck in the end." Princess Celestia said as she looked at the long lost objets d'art. "He never would have managed it without the fire, and me igniting part of the castle during the battle was a complete fluke."

Twilight scraped one of her hooves across the floor awkwardly. "Actually..." she said hesitantly, "I'm pretty sure he set the fire himself and used the battle as cover. I also found evidence that he's the one who leaked the rebel battle plans to you in the first place."

The ambient temperature abruptly shot up a couple dozen degrees as Celestia's mane and tail exploded into living flame. They burned first red, then blue and then finally became a white corona around her: the Princess of the Sun's anger made manifest. Twilight silently thanked her brother for teaching her his favorite shield spell as she activated it by reflex.

When it was over Celestia fell into an exhausted heap, panting and sweating. Twilight drew a bottle of cold apple cider out of her saddlebags and levitated it over to her. Celestia accepted it gratefully and took a swig.

Once the bottle was empty Celestia had relaxed enough to speak again. "You never did tell me how you got them back."

"Unlimited library and archive access," Twilight said smugly. "Best perk of being a princess. And also I'm friends with a really good treasure hunter now."

Princess Celestia sighed in exasperation as she reached over with her wing to pull Twilight in for a hug.

"I'm still not letting you declare yourself 'Princess of Books."

"Aww," Twilight whined.

Epilogue

Celestia watched as Twilight galloped off to retrieve the promised papers. She continued to smile for several seconds after her student disappeared before saying, "You can come out now."

A sparkling blue cloud flowed out from the shadows behind one of the exhibits. It coalesced into the tall, dignified form of the Princess of the Night. Luna cocked an eyebrow.

"Are We truly so predictable, my sister?"

"Only to us," Celestia said, automatically mirroring her sister's manner of speaking. She was still staring intently at the newly recovered paintings. Luna followed her gaze and chuckled.

"Ah, Starswirl's piece. You have a fine pupil indeed if she could track it across the centuries."

"Don't play coy," Celestia snapped. "Some of these pieces are by some of the greatest artists in Equestrian history. They are priceless. Whoever had them would not have given them up willingly. Twilight would not have gone alone and if she had tried to use the Guard then Shining Armor would have told me. Where did she find them?"

Luna looked at her hooves, uncharacteristically abashed. "Sister, please understand—"

"WHERE?!" Celestia demanded, breaking into the Royal Canterlot Voice for the second time that century.

Luna shrank back for a moment before meekly saying, "There were these pirates..."

"Pirates," Celestia said flatly. "And you let my student risk herself for paint on canvas."

"She was in no danger!" Luna insisted. "Even without my support she could have handled them easily. She is a prodigy bar none, as you well know. Starswirl himself would have envied her talents."

"That is beside the point," Celestia said. There was a tremor in her voice that Luna hadn't heard since the night they had reconciled. "She's far too precious to risk over a relic."

Luna walked over and laid a wing across her sister's back. Celestia flinched, and Luna spotted tears in her eyes before she turned her head away.

"You know as well as I do that she did not go seeking them for their own sake."

Celestia gave a muffled sob. "If something had happened to her trying to please me..."

"It didn't," Luna reminded her. "Though we do have some new plants being transplanted into the castle gardens now."

Celestia couldn't help but laugh at that. She turned back to Luna. Luna nuzzled her comfortingly. Once Celestia regained control of her face she turned her attention back to the painting of her younger self seated at a feasting table and holding her indignant looking sister in a headlock while administering an enthusiastic noogie. The smile came back.

Author's Note

Figured I really should give the full context. I'm glad you all seem to have liked it, other than those three guys.