Chapters Escape From Equestria
Have you ever tried being a stereotypical teenager and sneak out at night and go to a party? I tried that once, it went horribly wrong. My name is Thomas Cain, but everyone simply calls me Cain, and this is the story all about how my life got flip turned upside down. Let me tell you about myself, I'm six foot tall with short black hair and a short beard. I like long walks on the beach and dinner by candlelight. Tonight, I decided to wear a pair of black and white Nike's, blue jeans, and a black Five Finger Death Punch t-shirt. One week before I was supposed to graduate from high school my two best friends, Mack Fratello and Brian Deartháir, and I loaded up in my truck at midnight and went to the school quarterback’s house for what was the party of the century. Mack is the same height as me, he keeps his blonde hair in a hipster fashion and keeps his face clean shaven. He'd been my brother for as long as I could remember. He was wearing a black and gray striped shirt, slim jeans, and his black Vans. Brian had brown hair that he kept long enough to keep in a short pony tail. He wasn't that big a fan of facial hair, but he let his sideburns grow out a little and had a tuft of hair on his chin. He was wearing an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt, baggy bluejeans, and his favorite pair of black Converses. The party was the typical type of crazy house party that anyone would expect out of a bunch of horny, alcoholic eighteen-year-olds. Brian got totally wasted while Mack and I decided to stay away from the drinks, he doesn’t like alcohol and I had to drive later on. At approximately two-thirty in the morning a storm started rolling in and we decided that it would be best if we left then. With Brian riding on our shoulders we simply tossed him into the back seat and somewhat strapped him in. “Bloody hell, if I had known he was such a lightweight, I wouldn’t have let him get this wasted.” I commented as I sat down in the driver’s seat of my black 2005 Chevrolet Colorado.
“I don’t see how he can’t hold it, he’s bigger than both of us.” Mack replied as he buckled up in the seat next to me.”
“Whatever, let’s just hope we can get his drunk ass through his window without waking up the old lady.”
“God, I hope she’s still on that medicine.”
“I know, I’m gonna beat Brian’s ass for this in the morning.”
“Ha, let me help.”
“With pleasure.”
As I pulled out of the drive the weather took a turn for the worst and it started to pour. “Goddamn it, first Brian and now this.”
I turned the wipers on full, flicked on my high beams, and turned the four wheel drive system, I’d be needing as much traction as I could get.
After several quiet miles a bolt of lightning struck a tree on my side of the road causing it to explode in a brilliant light and thus causing me to swerve to the left. I started to lose control of the vehicle and immediately let off the gas and loosened my grip on the wheel to let it straighten out. After a few seconds I regained control, and drifted back into my lane. “Holy shit! Did you see that?” I asked Mack in a rather loud and alarmed voice.
“Well damn, you ain’t got to be a smart ass.” I looked forward again shaking my head and letting out a heavy sigh. “Dude, we done fucked up.”
At the time I couldn’t even begin to fathom the amount of weight those words carried. As we drove along the lightning began to come closer, and it was more frequent, until it was almost constant.
Mack turned and looked and me and said, “Cain, I got real bad feeling about this.”
I turned around and lo and behold the drunk was awake. “Bloody hell, how long have you been awake?”
“Since we almost got killed by that lightning strike and your inability to drive.”
“Oh.”
I once again turned around to face the road with the lightning still crashing all around us. “Sooo, I’m not an expert but-.” That was all I managed to get out of my mouth before my vision was completely taken over by a flash of light.
This is the part where the universe decided to fuck me over, without even giving me the common courtesy of a reach-around. I don’t know how long I had been out. I slowly willed my eyes to open, when I did manage to get them open I was slumped on the steering wheel. I pushed myself back into my seat and turned my head to check on my friends. Mack was sitting upright with his chin to his chest, Brian was upright but leaning on the front seat. I felt at my pockets, my wallet, cell phone, and even my pocket watch were still in their places. I reached into my right pocket and pulled out my iPhone, I pressed the power button and was greeted by my Scouting Legion background and noticed that it was about seven o’ clock in the morning, my phone still had 87% battery, but no service. I then looked at the truck itself, the keys were still in the ignition put everything was turned off and it was in park. I didn’t know if there was still gas in the tank or not so I reached for the keys and turned on the battery power. The gauges lit up like usual and I noticed that I still had a full tank of gas, I had filled it up before we went to the party. I turned it back off and then looked up out of the windshield. I was no longer in the mountains of Tennessee, I was in a very thick, swamp-like forest. We appeared to be sitting on a trail, but it wasn’t very clear. Just a narrow footpath, barely big enough for the already smaller sized Colorado to fit through. After I was through assessing my surroundings I turned back to Mack and attempted to wake him. “Mack, Mack, Mack... MACK!”
I then reached over and shook his shoulder a little, but still received no response. So I took his chin in my right hand and used my left hand to give him a hard slap to the cheek. He finally awoke with a “What the hell!”
“Bout time you woke up.”
“Why did you slap me?”
“Because every other attempt to wake yo ass up failed and quite frankly I thought it would be funny, and it was”
He looked outside and then turned to me, slapped me back, and asked in a panicked voice, “Where the hell are we?”
“Hell if I know.” I calmly replied.
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Why are we in a swamp?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re useless!”
“Hey now.”
“Where’s Brian?”
“Right behind you, still asleep.”
Mack turned around and did the exact same thing I did to him minus the slapping. “Why won’t he wake up?”
“Why are you asking so many questions? God! You’re worse than my grandmother.” I shot back as I got out and walked around to Brian’s door. I threw it open, unbuckled him, grabbed him by his shirt collar, and then pulled him out the truck Niko Bellic style. “Wake yo bitch ass up!”
As soon as he hit the ground his eyes shot open and he asked “Where am I?”
“In a swamp right smack dab in the middle of Fucktard Land.”
“Really?” He asked as he sat up and started looking around.
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“Is there going to human-horse hybrid thingies that somehow speak the same language as us?”
“I wouldn’t rule that out as a possibility.”
After listening to our pointless conversation Mack got out of the truck and asked, “So, what do we do now?”
I turned to face him and said, “Well… We have no food, no water, and no idea as to where the hell we are. However we have a full tank of gas, four wheel drive, and a path conveniently placed directly ahead of us. I say we load up and head out. Agreed?”
Mack and Brian looked at each other then looked at me and in unison agreed. “Well then, no use burning daylight.”
We once again sat in our places and I started the engine, flipped on the four wheel drive, put in low gear and headed out. We drove along for about an hour and half over roots, through a creek, and through mud before what appeared to be the edge of the forest appeared before us. I pulled just past the edge and stopped to survey the surroundings. The forest opened up to nothing but rolling hills and meadows for miles. Approximately two miles away we could see what appeared to be a medieval village with a purple crystal-like castle poking above it. Beyond that, far off in the distance, we could make out the outline of what appeared to be another castle on the edge of a mountain. I put the truck in park, turned to my friends and said, “Well boys, we done fucked up.”
Mack then got a confused and concerned look on his face and asked me, “What’s wrong?”
“Uhhhh.”
“Cain, seriously, what the fuck do you see in that village?”
“Uhhhh. We have a problem.”
“What is the problem?”
“Here, look.” I said as I passed him the binoculars.
“I’m sure whatever it is, it can’t be that big a problem.” He said as he took the optics from me and put them to his face. “We’ve faced problems much worse than- Oh Shit.”
By now Brian is very concerned and yanks the optics from Mack and looks through them himself. “Oh. My. God.”
“Guys, we really fucked up bad this time.” I said.
On the other end of those binoculars, milling around, tending to their business, enjoying life, were multicolored anthropomorphic horses. I immediately put the truck back in drive and pulled forward enough for me to spin it back around and retreat into the forest. I didn’t drive for long, only long enough for us to be hidden in the forest. Nobody said a word. I stopped in a shady spot and turned off the engine. Then I sat there for a minute thinking. “Okay, I don’t have any sort of plan. SO. I say we handle this how we normally handle things.”
“And how is that?” Mack asked.
“We come. We fuck shit up. We leave. Our three simple steps. This time should be no different.”
After I laid out my oh so brilliant plan Brian let out a “Hmm” while he stroked his beard. “I’m in.”
Mack then looked at both of us and said, “Fuck it, count me in.”
“Excellent.”
Five minutes ago just outside of Ponyville.
Rainbow Dash was going through her usual routine of clearing away any clouds around Ponyville in ten seconds flat. After her run she was hovering above the little town admiring her work, and looking for any rogue clouds she might have missed. While she was doing this she just happened to notice an odd shape at the edge of the Everfree Forest. She quickly flew to the other side of Ponyville to get a better view of it. She came to a stop when it started to move. It was an odd thing, it looked much like the carriages that the elite of Canterlot would ride through the streets. Except this one was black, sleek, it had large windows, a cargo bed in the back, and most odd of all, it appeared to have a muzzle of sorts. All in all she thought it was awesome. Allowing herself to let out an “ooh” she watched as the carriage of awesomeness turned around and returned to the Everfree. Raising her arms and grabbing her hair she let out a loud gasp as she said, “Oh my Celestia, that awesome thing will get destroyed if it goes back in there! I've got to stop it!”
She then gave chase, rushing to the edge of the Everfree Forest, but by the time she got there the odd carriage was already out of sight. However, she could hear a very unfamiliar sound. A low grumbling sound, she flew slightly closer to the forest canopy, tracing the source of this noise. It was not long, however, before the sound came to an abrupt halt. She hovered in place for a minute or two trying to find it again. Then she heard what sounded like a door slamming, it came from directly below her. She cautiously lowered herself through the trees to finally see her new favorite thing. However, she wasn't expecting what she got with it. Leaning against it was a creature she had only heard about in legends and old mare’s tales. Leaning against it was none other than a human.Cain
I was leaning against the side of the truck, trying to get my head straight. The other two were still inside with the AC running off the battery. They might be too scared to get out. I can’t really say I blame them. I almost got back inside myself because I could hear some large animal in the trees above me. I stopped standing there and started pacing aimlessly off to the side. Next thing I know I hear something let out a war cry and I’m flat on my back on the ground. I look up and one of the creatures from the village is pinning me down. This one had cyan fur and a rainbow colored mane and tail, she didn’t have feet like humans, but hooves like horses. I think it was a she, it had large breasts like a she. She was wearing a black tank top with a yellow lightning bolt outline and blue gym shorts. Then I looked at its face, not going to lie, it was rather attractive. I had to say something to it. “Hi.”
“Are you a spy!?” It shot back in my face.
“No, actually my two friends and I are lost. By the way you might want to get off of me, because here they come.”
As I said this Mack and Brian jumped out of the truck and came to where I was on the ground, both ready to fight. The rainbow haired girl then immediately jumped off me, also ready to fight. I picked myself off the ground and dusted myself off. “Well then, I do believe some proper introductions are in order.”
Escape from Equestria
“Well then, I do believe some proper introductions are in order.”
“Why don’t I just start beating all of you into the ground? Equestria doesn’t have time for spies.” The rainbow haired girl said as she stared into my eyes, hers filled with boiling rage.
“First off, because there is three of us,” I said, gesturing to my friends and then myself, “and only one of you. Secondly, we don’t want to bring any harm to you, and if we wanted to then we could have. And thirdly, Equestria? Is that where we are now?”
“How do I know you aren’t spies? Humans have never meant anything but trouble!”
“You know of our species? Are there more of us?”
“Well, you’re just an old mare’s tale. But still, you could be spies! You’re not supposed to be able to speak equestrian.”
I let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of my and said, “Listen, we’re not her to hurt you, okay? We just want to go back to our homes in Tennessee. And we really need some help with getting there.”
“Ten- what?” Our colorful acquaintance asked in confusion, tilting her head to the side slightly.
“Tennessee.” Mack corrected her.
“Gatlinburg, Tennessee to be precise.” Brian chipped in, adding to her confusion.
“You guys are seriously weird.” She said, pointing at all three of us.
“We could say the same of you, people where we’re from don’t usually have rainbow hair, or tails, or hooves, or be half horse for that matter.”
“Hey! Don’t call me a horse! I’m a pony for your information.”
“Ah. Terribly sorry, I wasn’t aware of your species prefers to be referred to as. Back to the introductions. My name is Cain and these two devilishly handsome fellows are Mack and Brian.” I said pointing to each of my companions as I said their names.
“Rainbow Dash.” She said, letting her guard down a little.
“Excellent. Moving on, where we come from there is no place called Equestria, and there are no ponies of your sort.”
“Of your sort? What is that supposed to mean?”
“We have ponies, but they are intelligent like you, nor do they walk on two legs. Like I was saying, I have determined, that we are no longer in our world. Now, would you be so kind as to take us to some sort of government official?”
“I could take you to my friend, Twilight. She’s one of the princesses, and lives right here in Ponyville. Plus she’s really good at magic, so she might be able to send you back.”
I stood there looking at her, not saying anything. Just trying to comprehend exactly what I had just heard. “Princess? Ponyville? Magic?” I stopped for just a second, once again trying to comprehend the words I was hearing. I turned around to look at my friends, but they were just as confused as I was. “Okay, whatever, let’s just go. We don’t have much of a choice anyway.”
“Can we take your thing?” Rainbow dash asked me.
“My truck?”
“Yeah, your trunk. It looks awesome. Can we take it?”
“Truck, not trunk. It is awesome, thank you. However, I think it would be best if we walked, having three creatures that aren’t supposed to exist walk through town will be enough of a shock, a black mechanical beast will just make matters worse.”
“I’m not walking anywhere. Those ponies can black out for all I care.” Mack said.
Rainbow then got right in his face and began to angrily shout, “Hey bub, you better watch what you say or Celestia will have you locked so far underground, you'll never see the light of day again.”
“HEY!” I interjected as I got between the two. “Rainbow, he’s stupid, don’t listen to him, and Mack, be nice. If you want you can stay with the truck, you might just have to come rescue us anyway.”
“Cain, I’m not nice, we’ve been brothers long enough for you to know that.”
I let out my hundredth sigh of the day and said to him, “I’m so fucking done with you,” before I started to laugh a little.
“Alright, let’s do this. We take the truck to the edge of the forest but no further.” I walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. “Rainbow Dash, I suppose you would like a front row seat.”
“Would I!” she excitedly exclaimed before jumping in.
Mack and Brian climbed into the backseat and I took my usual spot behind the wheel. I turned the key and the engine roared to life. Rainbow looked at everything in awe. “Too cool.” She said in a mesmerized voice.
“You ain’t seen nothin yet.” I said shifting it into drive and giving it some gas to move forward as fast as I could manage in the thick trees. Within minutes we were once again looking at Ponyville. Brian, and I exited the truck, Brian opened Rainbow’s door for her and she hopped out, meanwhile, I climbed into the back and started digging around in the bed box. After a minute or so I had found the two items I was looking for, a pair of handheld radios. I put some batteries in both and turned them on. “Mack, take this and keep it on, they have a range of six miles so if you have to fall back into the forest some; so be it.” I took my own radio and tucked it into the inside of my jeans. “If shit goes south, you’re our only hope.”
I walked over to Rainbow and Brian and looked at the two mile walk ahead of us. “You two ready?”
“Yep.” Brian simply responded.
Rainbow Dash, however, decided to extend her wings and jump into the air. “Let’s go.” And she started to slowly fly forward. It didn’t take her long to realize that all three of us non-winged humans were staring at her in shock.
“What are you guys looking at?”
“You can fly?” I asked her in pure amazement.
“Umm, yeah. Come on, let’s go.”
Brian and I simply looked at each other in disbelief. I gave myself a few good slaps to the face and followed her with Brian by my side. I looked at my pocket watch to see what time it was, and the hands said 8:47. The walk was long and hard. I spent most of my time gazing at the mountains in the distance, wondering what was beyond them. Most of the time I was gazing at the castle hanging off of one of mountains. I turned my head to look at Brian, he was staring straight ahead at Ponyville. Rainbow dash was above and in front of us flying with her arms crossed. I had a very good view at her rear, which was the closest I had ever seen to perfect. Even though she was a completely different species from me, I would still give her a ten out of ten. I’m not sure how long I was blatantly gawking at her rump, but I soon felt Brian tapping on my left shoulder. I looked over at him and was met with his famous shit-eating grin, and he could barely contain his laughter. My eyes grew wide as I realized what was so funny. I shook my head violently denying his silent accusation, as I was doing so he was just nodding slowing, there was no use fighting it, he got me. He then pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and began typing something. When he was finished typing he handed it to me, he had pulled up the notepad and typed out Go get ‘em tiger . Well, at least I know he would be supportive. I hung my head in defeat and laughed silently. I looked at him again and he was giving me double thumbs up with the same grin on his face. I just shook my head and faced toward our destination, but not before having another quick peek above me. This of course earned me a little bit of snickering, and a good-natured punch to the shoulder. To retaliate I backhanded him in the stomach. “What are you two doing down there?”
I immediately pointed at Brian and said, “Miss, he hit me.”
Brian looked at me for a second like ‘you little son of a bitch,’ but it didn’t last long before we both began to do a LOL. Rainbow Dash just squinted her eyes at us with her mouth open slightly. “I’m taking a pair of sixth graders to see a princess.”
“Oh, come on, Dash, we aren’t that bad.” I called up to her.
“Yeah, we could be making penis jokes.” Brian retorted.
Rainbow didn’t say anything to us, she only face palmed and flew a little faster.
It didn’t take us much longer to reach Ponyville. We walked across a small stream on a cobblestone bridge and were immediately greeted by many different disapproving reactions. Some were confused. Some were scared. A few were absolutely disgusted. One pink mare, I think that’s what they’re called, with blond hair and a white flower tucked behind her ear screamed out, “The horror! The horror!” and ran away in a zig-zag pattern with her arms up in the air.
One mint colored pony with what appeared to be a horn on her head was on the ground being drug off by a cream colored mare. With one hand she was digging into the dirt trying to hamper her… I’m going to say companion. With the other she was reaching towards us longingly, I was slightly scared of what her intentions were. Was she just curious? Did she want to steal my kidney? Brian was already missing one of his from a situation involving Taiwanese strippers in Kaohsiung City. Or was she that scary type of kinky where they lock you in a dark room and only feed you Viagra for three days before the cops show up? While she was being drug off she was saying “Look Bon Bon! Humans!”
“Lyra, shut up.” The cream colored mare said to her crazy looking victim.
I wasn’t sure which one of them I should feel sorry for. I shrugged and mentally wished them the best of luck anyway. Brian must have noticed them too, he tapped on my arm a few times with the back of his hand and asked me, “Should we be concerned about her?”
“Quite possibly, we can’t have a repeat of that time in Azerbaijan now, can we?”
A violent shiver ran down his spine at the thought of that. “Oh sweet Jizzus, no!”
“Or that time when we had to rescue Mack from that Latina sorority, and they had him naked and chained to the floor?”
“I still can’t get the image of his ass out of my head, at least they gave him a sock.”
“Yes, a tube sock. It did so much good!” I said with a chuckle at the end.
“I have a feeling that I really don’t want to know what you guys are talking about.” Rainbow said without even looking at us.
“You don’t.” Brian and I said in perfect unison.
“Whatever.”
I looked at my pocket watch again, it was almost ten. I was somewhat surprised at how long it took us to get here. We continued down the main street of Ponyville. Closer to what I think was the center of town there was a large square that the ponies used as an open air market. In the center was a fountain and on the other side was a multistory building that I suppose was the town hall. We walked right past this and soon passed a building that looked like it was made of gingerbread and candy. Through the windows I could see a pink pony with extremely poofy hair bouncing around with her eyes closed, tongue out, and a tray of what looked like cupcakes in her hands. The sight of them made my stomach grumble. I hadn’t eaten anything besides a few snacks at the party, but that was a long time ago. “Hey, Rainbow?”
“Does this Princess Twilight friend of yours have food?”
“Of course, why, are you hungry?”
“Yes, very.”
“Me too.” Brian seconded.
“I doubt she wouldn’t have Spike cook something for us. What about Mack?”
“If she doesn’t lock us up or try to kill us I’ll contact him and tell him to come.”
By the time we were done discussing food we were already on the Princess’s doorstep. Rainbow Dash landed and walked over to ring the doorbell. As soon as she did a loud resounding dong could be heard. Above us someone shouted “Coming,” and the clopping of hooves on crystal could be heard. A deadbolt was undone and the great door swung open. On the other side was a purple furred pony with a deep violet mane, I noticed that she had both wings and a crown. I have observed thus far that some of these ponies have horns, some wings, a lot have neither, but only one has both. “Rainbow! What are you doing here? And why haven’t you been answering your-.”
It was then that she noticed us standing there. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging wide open, I could have sworn I saw a fly, fly straight in. “Hi. My name is Cain, and this Brian. And judging from the fact that you match the color scheme of this castle, you must be Princess Twilight, and Rainbow has told us so many good things about you.”
Escape From Equestria
“…Rainbow has told us so many good things about you.” I said to the purple, horrified looking princess in front of me.
She slowly moved her eyes to look at us, not her head, just her eyes; slowly. Both Brian and I had the biggest most welcoming smiles we could muster. However, our efforts were fruitless. “I know that we aren’t supposed to exist, and I know that these legends about us don’t really give us a good name, but let’s sit down and settle this like civil adults and I’m sure we can come to some sort of understanding.”
Twilight still did not respond, at all. I looked at her for a second and watched another fly enter her mouth. “Rainbow, I think we broke her.”
“Twilight, these guys need help. They got dumped here from another world, and can’t get back. They really don’t mean any harm, although they do make dirty jokes, and mention weird places where even weirder things happened.”
“Hey, Brian?”
“Yeah?”
“You know where this place reminds me of?”
“Where?”
“That little town in Albania where we ran into that travelling group of belly-dancing gypsies.”
“Oh my god, you’re right. That place was fucking horrible.”
“Yes it was. Yes it was.”
“Are you two done?”
“Uh, yeah. C-come right t-this way.”
I couldn’t help but feel rather nervous walking in with her. Brian once again got my attention, we both looked at each other with a cocked eyebrow. We both knew something wasn’t right. Both of us had had this feeling many times before. Someone was going to need rescuing, someone was going to break down a door, and a lot of people, or in this case ponies, were going to get shot. As we walked in the foyer I took note of the four guards in the four corners of the room. They were all a solid white with a blue tail, I assumed they also had blue manes, I couldn’t tell because they were all wearing gold armor which had a helmet that almost entirely covered their faces. Each one was carrying what appeared to be an M16 assault rifle, except these didn’t have a magazine on them, what they had instead was a round purple orb in the receiver where the ejection bolt was supposed to be. The rifles were also for the most part gold. The stock, grip, and hand guard were black, and probably made from polymer. Directly across the room from the door was a grand staircase that went up one flight before splitting off to the left and right. Twilight led us up and to the right then down a corridor that curved to the left as though it circled around the outside of the castle. No one was saying anything and it started to get awkward. “Hey, Princess Twilight? What’s up with the wings and horns and neithers and what-not?”
“Well, there’s four types of ponies, unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, and alicorns. Unicorns have horns and can use magic. Pegasi, like Rainbow Dash here, can fly, walk on clouds, and augment the weather. Earth ponies don’t have either, however they are physically stronger and are very good with crops. Then there are alicorns like myself that are gifted in all three areas, but our abilities are much stronger. Does that answer your question?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I looked at Brian for a second to make sure he got it too, he gave me simple nod to show he got it. As we were walking along we passed by a pair of guards. They were guarding a heavy metal door with a sigh on it that read “Armory.” I took note of this location and started paying more attention to where we were and where the guards were. I noticed that there weren’t very many guards around, we only passed a couple walking the opposite way from us. After a minute or two of walking Twilight came to a door and opened it with her magic. “Here we are.”
As soon as she said that a weird tingling feeling took over my body. I tried to move forward but I couldn’t. I turned to look at Brian and he was having trouble too. Then I noticed that we were both encased in the same purple glow as Twilight’s horn. Oh shit . I thought as we were lifted off the floor, levitated over to the door, and thrown in. I was slammed into the wall and Brian impacted on the floor and rolled a couple of feet. “Twilight, what the buck was that for?!” I could hear Rainbow yell out as I painfully picked myself up.
“Sorry, Rainbow, but these two are too dangerous. I have to report this to Princess Celestia.” She said as she briskly walked off.
“Oh my gosh, guys, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know she’d do that.” Rainbow said through a small window in the door.
“It’s fine,” I said, “Just go talk some sense into her.”
“Okay, be right back” Then she ran off, hopefully she would get us out of here.
“We’ll be right here.”
“Smartass.” Brian said to me, now sitting upright on the floor.
“This… is a problem.”
“No shit.” He replied sarcastically.
“We need to get out of here.” I said, walking over to a window near the corner of the cell that was made from crystal bars. I inspected the bars, the whole place appeared to be made of quartz, and the bars weren’t that thick. I remembered some “equipment” that I had stashed in the truck. “And I think I know just how.”
“How are we gonna do that, wise guy?”
“Shut up bitch, I’m calling Mack.” I said as I pulled my hidden radio out. “This is Ron Jeremy to Millimeter Peter. Millimeter Peter do you copy? Over.”
“Cain, are you calling yourself Ron Jeremy?” His voice crackled through the radio.
“Yes, Millimeter Peter, that’s my designate. Over.”
“…”
“Millimeter Peter? How copy?”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Asian Noodle?”
“No.”
“Shrinked Dink?”
“Cain, stop your shit!”
“Alright, fine, damn, Twilight locked us in her rape dungeon. Rainbow is still free though, if she can get back to us I’m going to send her to you. If not, hopefully she’ll go to you anyway. Now, when she finds you, I want you to look in the bed box, there’s a plastic hard case in the bottom. I want you to give it to her along with some duct tape and a lighter, and tell her to bring it to us. Then you’re going to get here as fast as possible. Okay?”
“What’s in it?”
“Umm… That’s not important right now. However, what is important is that you don’t try to contact us until I give the all clear. Got it?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, I’ll radio you in a little bit.”
“What do we do now?” Brian asks, standing next to me gazing out the window.
“We wait, and plan.”
“What’s in the box?”
“A penis.”
“…Really?”
“No, it contains a couple sticks of dynamite.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Damn.”
We stood there for a minute looking out the window and at the forest where Mack lie in wait for his moment to strike. “My mom must be devastated right now. You don’t know this, Mack does, but I used to have an older brother. His name was William Cain, disappeared thirteen years ago, one week before… his… graduation… just… like us. Huh.”
“That’s awfully weird.” Brian says to me, scrunching his brow a little.
“Yeah. I wonder how Rainbow’s doing right now.”
Meanwhile in Twilights throne room.
“Twilight, let them out.” Rainbow says to her best friend.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow, but you know the legends of humans. SPIKE!”
As soon as she called for him, Spike, her dragon assistant/little brother came into the throne room. He was almost six feet tall, about the same height as Cain, He was wearing blue jeans with a green t-shirt and a purple hoodie. “Yes, Twilight?”
“I need you to send a letter to Princess Celestia.”
He reached behind him and pulled out a scroll and quill seemingly out of nowhere. “Sure thing, Twilight.”
“Twilight do you really need to get Celestia involved?” Rainbow said, still trying to get her to help the humans.
“Yes, Rainbow, I do. I don’t think I have enough experience as a princess to make a judgment on this on my own. Spike, you ready?”
“Ready.” The dragon said, quill poised on the paper, ready to write.
“Dear Princess Celestia, Rainbow Dash has brought two humans in need to me. Yes, humans. I have locked them away for the time being. I don’t feel comfortable making a judgment on this on my own. Some words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“…Done.” Spike rolled the scroll up before taking a deep breath and releasing some of his magic fire. The scroll burned to ashes in an instant and then whisked out a window and off to Canterlot.
“Good.” Twilight said, satisfied with herself. “Now we just have to wait for her to reply.”
As soon as this came out of her mouth the throne room was engulfed in a bright white light. When it had dissipated Celestia in all her glory was standing there with a platoon of guards right behind her. She was at least seven feet tall, and was wearing a flowing white gown. “Twilight. Where are the humans.”
“Locked away.” Twilight says to old mentor.
“Celestia, let the humans go.” Rainbow commanded to the solar princess.
All she got was a ‘the fuck you say, bitch,’ look from Celestia. “Twilight, I want those humans executed.”
“What?!” Spike, Rainbow, and Twilight exclaimed at the same time. Even the guards were surprised.
“Yes, tonight I want them hanged.” Celestia said.
“C-Celestia… why?” Twilight asked, barely able to comprehend what she was hearing.
“Twilight, how much do you know about humans?” Celestia asked her former student.
“Not much, just the old legends, but I doubt they’re going to eat misbehaving foals.” Twilight replied to Celestia, trying to persuade her.
“Oh, they won’t eat foals, I can promise you that. They’ll kill anything that moves just for their own sick enjoyment.”
Celestia’s statement made both Twilight and Rainbow’s ears fold back on their heads, the former gasping and covering her mouth. “No! They wouldn’t do that!” Rainbow yelled at the solar princess. “If they wanted to kill everything then why haven’t they? Huh? I met them several hours ago and they haven’t hurt a single hair on my body! I even brought them right into town and they still didn’t do anything!”
Celestia looked at her with a glare that could melt the strongest steel in Fillydelphia. “When did you meet them, Rainbow?”
Rainbow gulped and looked at her nervously. “This morning after I cleared the skies. I saw them walk out of the woods and then I flew over to them.” She lied, intentionally leaving out Mack, and their truck. “They asked for help and so I brought them here.”
Celestia was visibly angry. “You found them and didn’t alert the guards, and then you just brought them straight into town?" She yelled at Rainbow, bordering on the royal Canterlot voice.
“U-umm, Y-yeah.” Rainbow said, her ears back and her pupils the size of thumbtacks.
“And now you’re going to try to defend them?” Celestia asked, still pissed.
“Yeah.” Rainbow replied, not changing a bit.
“Well then,” Celestia said, her voice dripping with venom. “Some Element of Loyalty you turned out to be. Defending Equestria’s enemies. You know what I call that, Rainbow Dash?”
“What?” Rainbow said, now trembling.
“Treason. You know what happens to ponies who commit treason, Rainbow?”
“You let them go and free the humans.”
Celestia looked at her with a classic areyoufuckingserious.jpg face. “Nooo. What we do is we HANG THEM WITH THE HUMANS! GUARDS! THROW HER IN THE DUNGEON! In fact, throw her with the humans, maybe they’ll save her a humiliating public execution.”
“Celestia, no!” Twilight called out to her, hoping she could calm her down. Two of Celestia’s guards moved to apprehend Rainbow, who was too shocked to move.
“Shut up or you’re going too!” Celestia shot back at her.
As the two guards grabbed Rainbow’s arms she came to her senses and struggled against them. “Let me go!” she called out, but it was no use, the guards didn’t want to wind up in her position too.
“Quiet, traitor!” The guard to her right called out, and tightened his grip.
“Yes, Princess Celestia.” Twilight said, walking towards her throne, and taking a seat.
“Good. Guards, protect Princess Twilight.” Then there was a bright flash of white light as Celestia teleported out.
Twilight rested her head on her hand, covering her eyes. Within a couple of seconds tears began to stream down her face.
Back in the dungeon
“I’m telling ya, any time now Rainbow Dash is gonna come flying up to that window and we’re be out in no time.” I said to Brian, who I’m sure was getting real tired of my shit. I was sitting underneath said window and Brian was three feet to my right.
“Dude, she ain’t coming back, these damn horses are going to kill us.” Brian said.
“Or rape us. Hell, for all we know Twilight could have a fucking dick.” I added.
Suddenly Brian’s changed in such a way that it looked like it was screaming out oh shit . “Dude, What if she has a fucking horse sized dick?”
“Aw hell, Rainbow’s got to hurry the fuck up.” I said, fearing for my anus.
“What if she— I hear voices.” He said, then he got up and rushed to the door. I quickly followed and listened intently out the little window.
“What the buck do you see in those filthy bucking humans?” A male voice said.
“Shut up!” Rainbow. Are they going to let us go?
“Maybe instead of killing everything, they just buck everything.” Another voice said, making the other one laugh.
“Yeah, maybe that’s why she likes them, she can’t get a real stallion so she has to buck a filthy human.” I assumed they were guards, and they weren’t very happy with Rainbow.
“Heck, maybe she doesn’t even like stallions, with this bucking hair she must be some low-class filly-fooler.” By now I was pissed, they could say whatever the hell they wanted about me, but not about Rainbow Dash. The voices were getting closer and closer.
Why the hell am I even mad at this? I thought. Oh well, now is not the time . I got Brian’s attention, then I nodded and gestured to the other side of the door. He nodded back and got into position, we knew this maneuver well. He was on the right side and I was on the left, we weren’t visible from the window. As soon as that door opened all hell broke loose.
As the guards got closer their laughter got louder and I angrier. I somewhat felt sorry for the poor stallion I was about to unleash my wrath upon. Soon a key was inserted into a lock, Brian and I prepared ourselves, we had to hit them fast and hard; and in my case furious. The key was turned and the lock clicked. Then the door started to open. Go time. I immediately stuck my left arm out and forced open the door with my right hand in a fist ready to connect to the guard’s muzzle. Needless to say, when the door flew open the guards were surprised, I was surprised when I saw them holding Rainbow by the arms. I quickly locked eyes with the guard on the left, he was a unicorn, this is going to be interesting, I thought. Before he even knew what was happening a jet of blood was spewing out of his nose as my fist plowed into it. Brian had popped out and delivered an upper cut with his left hand making the guard, a Pegasus, stumble back. Then he raised his right arm and pinned the guard to the wall, cutting off his ability to breath. Rainbow was too shocked to do anything and just stood there, mouth agape while we were taking care of business. After my successful initial strike, I was supposed to do like Brian did, but I decided to do it my way. I put both hands on his shoulders, my left one twisting around the sling of his weapon. Then I took my left foot and hook it behind his legs and knocked them out from underneath him while pushing with my right arm and ripping his rifle off with the other. Once he hit the ground and covered his bleeding schnozzle I tossed his weapon off to the side, then I pinned him down and proceed to pound away at his face un-mercilessly. Soon Brian was pulling me off of him.
“Cain! Cain! He’s done!” He said, I looked down at him, his was a horrible mess, and he was lying in a puddle of blood and teeth. The other one was slumped against the wall, unconscious. Then I grabbed the rifle that my latest victim had, pointed it at him, and let off a burst. Three streaks of purple energy shot out of the barrel and hit him square in the chest, making him convulse a little. I did the same to the other guard.
“Grab his gun.” I said to Brian, who quickly complied, picking it up and then examining it. What am I forgetting here , I thought, oh shit, Rainbow! I turned to look at her, what I saw almost killed me right then. She had both her hands covering her muzzle, tears were running down her face, and deep in her eyes, all I could see was fear. “Rainbow, I …” I was interrupted as what could be described as a ‘pew’ resounded through the hallway and Rainbow’s face was lit up with purple. Her mane and tail stood up on end as though she had been electrocuted, then she fell to the floor. I raised my own newly acquired toy and spun around, but there were no guards, just Brian, and a rifle with a smoking barrel.
Author's Note
Finally! Chapter 3! Sorry it took so long, college sucks. Thank you to everyone who has Favorited!
Escape From Esquestria
Somewhere in the basement vaults of Canterlot Castle.
Three levels below the castle Celestia walked up to a special vault that could only be opened by her. On either side a guard in heavy armor holding a spell rifle. As Celestia approached the guards dropped to a knee simultaneously. "At ease," Celestia said, the guards returning to attention. She gazed upon the doors to the vault. They were four meters tall, and made out of a purple crystal with gold trimmings. On the right door there was a glowing, diamond-like gem, on the left there was a horn sized hole. She took three steps forward and placed her hand on the gem, then she bowed her head and stuck her horn in the hole. She closed her eyes and her horn lit up a golden color for a few seconds. Then a golden light emanated from the crack between the doors. The doors slowly began to open up with the sound of crystal grinding against stone. Celestia walked through the doors as soon as the opening was wide enough. Once she was clear of the doors they began to close behind her, sealing with a resonating boom. She walked past rows upon rows of statues, racks of ancient enchanted weaponry, priceless paintings, and even a pyramid of gold bars. None of this interested her, she was here for a very special statue in the very back of the chamber. It only took her a minute before she was standing in front of it. It had its right arm raised with one finger pointing, its mouth was open as if it was caught in the middle of a sentence. The strange bipedal creature looked as if it was saying 'now listen here, you little shit'. The creature itself was only six feet tall, but it was on a pedestal that made it as tall as Celestia. The solar princess reached up and ran her hand along its short, stone hair, and then down across its cheek. "Some nasty other humans came for you, my dear," Celestia said to the statue. "They came to take my precious away," she said, "and that filly-fooler, Rainbow Dash, she'd take you away too." The statue didn't respond to any of this, although it could hear every single bit, and see Celestia clear as day, she had made sure of it. "But don't worry, my most faithful student is going to make sure that they don't come anywhere near here, or anywhere else for that matter. Tonight they're going to be hanged till they die. And they'll never take my precious from me." Inside, the statue was screaming out every obscenity it could think of at Celestia. Then she cupped the statue's face in her hands and planted a gentle kiss on its lips, much to the statue's discomfort. "Maybe one of these days I can let you out of here; thirteen years is such a long time." She gave it another peck on the lips then she flickered her tongue over its cheek. "Until next time," she said, then she turned and walked off, adding a little bit of bounce to her rear with each step. The statue just stared ahead, as it always does.
Author's Note
College sucks, and I've been very busy. But I made myself sit down and write this little bit to give you guys something to think about. Chapter 5 is well under way, and should be out this upcoming week. If there are any errors/typos please let me know. Thank you to everyone who has favorited and liked this story.
Escape From Equestria
"Brian, you fucking cock."
"It was an accident, I swear!" Brian said, holding his hands up in defense.
"Is she even still alive?" I asked. Looking down on her, her chest was rising and falling. "Yeah, she's still alive." I knelled down next to her, looking for any sort of entry wound or burn. "Not a single mark." Looking at the guards, neither one of them had any sort of wound either, and they were breathing too. "Magic stun guns."
"How long do you think she'll be out?" Brian asked.
"Shit, I don't fucking know. I would assume long enough for the guards to transport her to a cell, so maybe twenty to thirty minutes."
"So, is this the part where we break out?"
"Hell, yeah." I said, pulling the radio back out of my pants. "Mack, do you hear me?"
"Yeah. What's going on?"
"We just K.O.-ed some guards, they tried to lock up Rainbow with us. Brian accidentally shot her with a magic stun gun and now she's unconscious, we're breaking out. Get to the crystal castle."
"On it. Over and out."
"I'll carry Rainbow, you keep me covered." I knelled down next to her once again and lifted her from under her armpits. She weighed next to nothing and I easily picked her up and slung her across my left shoulder. "She looks a lot heavier than she really is."
"Well, she is a bird so..."
"Brian."
"Yeah"
"Time to fuck some shit up." We took off at a jog down the hallway.
"You know how to get out of here?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, we follow this hallway all the way to the entrance, but there's an armory on the way I think we should stop at." We kept going for a little longer. Soon the armory was right in front of us. One of the guards heard us coming and turned to look, as soon as he saw us he opened his mouth to speak and started to fumble with his weapon. He didn't have time though, Brian easily picked him off and then the other one. Brian looked over the door.
"Shit!" Brian exclaimed. "The door's locked, and you need some sort of card to get in."
I looked down at one of the guards Brian had incapacitated, hanging off of his belt on a retractable cable was a card. I reached down, grabbed it, then slid it through the card reader lock. The light changed from red to green and the door clicked open. "Well that was easy," I said. Brian pushed the door open and we went inside.
"Holy shit." Brian said. There were weapons of all shapes and sizes lining the walls.
"Grab whatever you can carry," I said to him. Then I gently placed Rainbow on the floor, against the wall. I slung my stolen rifle across my back. Then I had a fucking field day. The first rack I came to was filled with the standard M16 style rifles. I adjusted mine so it was diagonal across my back. Then I added another one for Mack, and tossed one to Brian so Rainbow would have one too. The next rack over held some sniper rifles that closely resembled the L96s back home. It had the same crystal in place of the mag well and it didn't have a bolt on it, which made me believe it was semi-auto. The barrel and receiver were all gold but the stock was a black polymer. I grabbed one of those and added it to my back. I wouldn't be able to carry much more, these things were heavy. Next was a section that held several military back packs. I took one and looked inside, for the most part it was empty, but it was at least a quarter way full with MREs. I took one for myself and another down for Brian. "Brian, come get this," I said to him, he came over and took it, apart from the M16s on his back he also had a LMG with three spinning barrels on it. It looked like something straight out of Borderlands . The next rack had SMGs on it. They looked just like MP7s. For the most part it was the black polymer, but all the metal bits were gold. And the rack after that held M1911s. I took one MP7 for myself and let it hang from my right shoulder for easy access, then I tossed another in my bag. Then I took two of the M1911s for myself and stuffed them in my waist, one in the front and one in the back, plus I tossed four more in the bag. The next station was plastic bins filled with C4 and golden grenades; frags, smokes, flash bangs, you name it, they had it. I dumped entire bins in the bag and made sure I had some C4 detonators. Lastly, there was a section filled with all sorts of holsters and harnesses. I didn't bother to see what kinds they were, I just grabbed some and left.
"What in the name of Tartarus?" an unknown voice yelled out. I turned and looked at the door, there was a gold clad guard standing there looking at us. Both Brian and I lifted our weapons and fired off several shots, but he saw this coming and took cover. "The humans are loose!" We could hear him yelling.
"Shit, time to go!" I exclaimed. I tossed my bag on and sunk a little bit. "Damn this thing is heavy." I went and grabbed Rainbow and put her back where she was on my shoulder. I popped out of the door with my SMG raised and pointed at the guard who found us. Two things happened at the same time, I pulled the trigger, sending a hailstorm of purple bolts flying his way, and he slammed his fist into a big red button on the wall. The guard jerked back with each shot that hit him and fell to the floor. Then a light above the button, near the ceiling, started flashing, and an alarm bell started ringing, much like the ones found at banks.
"God fucking damn it!" Brian yelled out.
"He just had to do that, didn't he?" I asked no one in particular.
"Yep." We both took off running down the hallway with our heavy loads, however, it wasn't long before we encountered a whole squad of guards.
"There they are!" One of the guards yelled out.
Think fast! I thought. "Door!" I yelled out to Brian. He took one on the left and I took one on the right. His was empty. Mine, not so much. While Brian was taking cover in the doorway fighting the guards, I had waltzed right into another squad who were busy equipping their armor.
"What the buck?!" One of the guards exclaimed. I pulled the trigger on my SMG, not even bothering to aim. He flew back and crashed into a set of bunks, causing them to tip over. Another guard was reaching for his own rifle. He went down next.
"Argh!" A mountain of an earth pony bellowed out, choosing to come at me reckless. I let off a longer burst than usual and dodged to left. He stumbled and landed at Brian's feet. The last guard was just sitting on the floor next to an open trunk staring at me. I aimed for his head and fired a single shot, hitting him right between the eyes.
"Looks like you had your hands busy." Brian said to me, stepping out of the room he had taken cover in, he had managed to dispatch the other squad very quickly with his LMG.
"They weren't so bad." I said, stepping out of my own bit of carnage.
"Ladies first." Brian said, gesturing down the hall.
"Why, thank you." I said and then took off running down the hallway. Less than a minute later we popped out of the hallway and right into the foyer filled with guards. "Brian. How the hell are we gonna get through them?"
"I got an idea," he said, holding up his LMG. He walked out of the hallway and into the foyer. "You cockroaches want to play rough? Well say hello to my little friend!" He yelled at the guards below, then he held the gun at his hip at began spraying bolts all over them. Many dropped where they stood. Some pulled up their own weapons and fired back. Brian quickly retreated back to the safety of the hallway. "That didn't go as planned."
"It was pretty badass, though. Did you grab any of those grenades?" I asked.
"Yeah, they're in my bag." I opened up his bag and pulled out a couple of the frag types. I handed a couple to him and kept some for myself.
"Frag out, motherfuckers!" I called to the guards below, then I pulled the pin on one of the grenades and tossed it at a group of them. It hit the floor, bounced, then rolled towards them before it finally came to a stop when it hit one of the guard's hooves. He looked down at it in confusion before his face twisted into that of pure horror. When the grenade went off it didn't explode like the ones in our world. Instead it produced a large, purple bubble ten feet in diameter. It stayed up for half a second then it collapsed in on itself. When it was gone there was a group of guards unconscious on the floor. "These ponies really don't like killing do they?"
"Maybe humanity could learn from them." Then he took one of his own grenades and threw it in. We had to get through these guards, and fast; Mack would be arriving any minute. I looked across the staircase at the other hallway.
"Brian, you think you can get to that other hallway over there?"
"Yeah, if you cover me." He replied. I put Rainbow down and switched my SMG for one of the ARs on my back. Then I took another grenade and tossed it into a corner of the room where some guards where taking cover in a broom closet.
"On the count of three. One. Two. Three. Go!" He took off across the room, firing more bolts at the guards and taking out quite a few. I started firing bursts from my rifle, picking my shots. Brian made it to the other hallway, and he started to lay down fire. After I took down a couple more guards I threw my last grenade at a group of them, effectively neutralizing them. "Brian! We need to move! Now!" I called out to him he nodded and started towards the staircase. I switched back to my SMG and picked up Rainbow. I made it to the stair case and was just about to make my way down when someone plowed into me. It was a guard, but not just any guard. All the others were white. This one was orange. When he knocked into me he caused me to loose my grip on Rainbow, she went bouncing down the stairs. I turned to the off-color guard and was just about to blast him but Brian beat me to it. A volley of bolts hit him all over and he stumbled back into a small table that had what looked like a priceless vase sitting on top of it. He knocked the table over and the vase fell to the floor and shattered. I started going down the stairs as fast as possible. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." I said, concerned for her. I grabbed her and tossed her back over my shoulder, however, I tossed a bit too hard and she went right over and back to the floor. "Goddamn it!" I picked her up again and put her on my shoulder.
"Wow, dude, nice going keeping Rainbow from getting hurt." Brian said to me.
"Shut up. Front door. Now." I said running for the door and popping a few shots at a guard that I saw peeking his head out from an overturned table. We both ran up to the doors and planted a hard kick right next to the handles, sending them flying open with a crash and sending some splinters flying. All the ponies in the immediate area looked at us, Then started screaming and running. We started running down the main street. occasionally turning around and firing some rounds at a guard who was trying to get us. We got about a block when suddenly the Colorado came thundering across the bridge. launching a few feet into the air. It slammed back into the ground and continued our way. "Brian, grab my bag. I want you to get in the bed and cover our escape." He slipped the bag off one shoulder then I had to take rainbow off my shoulder and hold her up against me so he could get the other one. Mack slammed on the brakes and came to a stop right beside us. He tossed my bag in the back and then climbed in himself. I opened the back passenger side door and tossed Rainbow inside. Then I took the guns off my back and got in next to her. "Mack, you magnificent bastard."
"Where to?" Mack asked.
"Back to the forest." He turned the wheel as far as it would go and then stomped on the peddle. There was an unholy roar from the 5-cylinder engine as the truck spun around and headed back out of town. In the back Brian was firing bursts at some pegasus guards who were chasing us. A few of them dropping to the ground, the others just stopped trying. I reached over and wrapped my arms around Rainbow, pulling her close. Partly so she wouldn't be flying about inside the cab like a rag-doll, and partly because I just wanted to hold her. We rode back into the forest, my arms around her back and her head on my shoulder. A few minutes later she started to stir.
"Ugghh. What happened?" She asked.
"Rainbow, I'm so sorry" I said.
"For what?"
"Everything that happened. I didn't know any of this would happen."
"Why are you holding me like this?"
"Umm... because Mack can't drive."
"Uh-huh, sure, Cain." Mack said.
"Nigga, shut up," I said to him. I started to let go of Rainbow.
"I didn't say you had to let go." She said. That surprised me, I pulled her tighter against me. "What happened?" She asked again. She didn't say anything about me horribly disfiguring one of the guards.
"How much do you remember?"
"I remember the princess ordering our executions, and the guards dragging me down to your cell, and then the cell door flying open, but nothing past that."
"Our executions?" I asked in amazement. "You tell me your story and then I'll to you ours. Okay?"
"Yeah. So, after Twilight threw you in the dungeon..." And so she told me her story. Then I told ours, leaving out that one guard of course. She never wanted me to let her go, and so I never did.
Author's Note
And here it is! Escape from Twilight's Castle! As usual thank you for reading, liking, and favoriting the story. If there are any mistakes/typos please let me know.
Escape From Equestria
Princess Twilight's Office
Twilight was sitting at her desk going through paperwork, trying to keep her mind off the events of the last hour. As soon as Rainbow was thrown with the humans they busted out, leaving forty-seven guards unconscious, one requiring major reconstructive surgery that she would have to pay for, and stole several thousand bits worth of weapons. She was looking at a receipt from a construction company for repairing a busted water main, but that was it, just looking. She couldn't have comprehended what was on that paper even if it said she had won an all expenses paid vacation to the Ballamas. "I can't take this anymore!" She yelled to the room. She got up and started pacing around the room, thoughts running through her head. Many guards had stated that they saw Rainbow being carried out by one of the humans, and what's more, there wasn't two humans, there were three humans and a black mechanical beast that thundered through town and caused everyone to go hysterical. These humans were dangerous, Celestia was right, and Rainbow Dash was with them. "Oh, They're holding Rainbow against her will, maybe they want a ransom. Maybe they want her for food... Maybe they want her for... for...for... No! I can't think like this. Rainbow's strong and smart, she'll get out as soon as she sees an opening." She walked over to her window and stared out at the Everfree, thinking of all the dangers that Rainbow hopefully wouldn't come across, and all the dangers that hopefully the humans would come across. "Run, Rainbow, run."
Cain
"Where do you want me to go?" Mack asked, behind the wheel of my Colorado. We were entering the Everfree forest again. Brian was still in the back looking for aerial guards. I was in the backseat holding on to Rainbow Dash. Dash had her arms wrapped around me and her head buried in my chest. Poor girl, too bad she had to get dragged into this.
"Just find someplace where the trees are thicker, we need to stop and come up with a plan." He nodded in response and kept going. I looked down at Rainbow, she looked so pitiful. I reached up and ran my fingers through her mane, her hair was incredibly soft. She hugged me even tighter and started to sob uncontrollably. I returned her tighter embrace and laid my head on top of hers. "Everything's going to be alright. We're not going to let anyone hurt you." I whispered to her. She calmed down and sniffled a little.
"Promise?" She asked, grabbing my shirt and drying her tears with it.
"I promise." She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my neck, the side of her face against mine. I'll be dead before anyone gets the chance to. Then she decided to surprise me and pressed her delicately soft lips against my cheek before returning to the hug. I couldn't move, or think, or breathe really. No one had done that to me since... since... umm... a very long time ago. Ever since the last (and only) girlfriend I've had, I have been absolutely scared shitless of the female kind. I was fine with her before because she wasn't human, but now that she's kissed me. God. Fucking. Damn it.
"Is right here fine?" Mack asked as he pulled the truck to a stop. I looked around the area. The trees were super thick, and there were plenty of shrubs around to provide more cover.
"Yeah," I said. "Everyone out." I let go of Rainbow; she looked downtrodden by that. I'll let her cuddle later if she wants. I got out of the truck and leaned on the bed. "Did any of them follow us?" I asked Brian.
"No, they quit chasing as soon as we came in here."
"That's awfully weird."
"It's because most ponies who come in here don't make it back out." Rainbow said.
"What?" I asked her, slightly annoyed that she hadn't mentioned that sooner.
"There's all sorts of monsters in these woods, its just not natural."
"How is it not natural?" I asked confused.
"The animals take care of themselves, the plants grow on their own, and what's worse, the weather controls itself!"
"Pfft."
"Pfft."
"HAHAHAHAHA" Brian and Mack, both, started to laugh their asses off, I just kept looking at her.
I swear to God this is a damn acid trip. "That isn't so bad. Our entire planet is just like that." She looked at me as though I had just committed blasphemy.
"How do you live there?"
"I dunno, we just do." About this time Brian and Mack were done laughing at her. "Alright, let's take inventory of what we have." We opened up the bags and spread our weapons assortment out on the tailgate. We had four ARs, three SMGs, one sniper, one LMG, six pistols, seven sticks of C4, twelve frags, sixteen smokes, and ten flashbangs. We also had a wide assortment of slings and holsters, one of which was a double armpit holster that I took for myself and slipped my M1911s in. As Brian was going through the MREs he noticed something troublesome.
"Cain, we got a problem." He said to me while I was teaching Rainbow how to hold a rifle.
"What?"
"Come look at some of this food. Hayburger steak, Daisy, lettuce, tomato sandwich. We can't eat this!" I grabbed a couple of the MREs and started looking through the ingredients. Hay. Tulip. Dandelion. Lavender. We couldn't eat those damn things.
"Great, just great. Go through them, pick out any that contain crap we can't eat, Rainbow can have them." I went back to teaching Rainbow how to use a rifle, a few minutes later Brian had them all sorted out.
"They're sorted," Brian said to me. I walked over and looked at the piles. On the edible side there was maybe twenty, on the other side there was much, much more.
"Damn."
"So, what are we gonna do for food." I thought about that for a minute, but only one idea would actually work.
"We need to make a shopping list."
Canterlot Castle, Solar Wing.
Celestia sat behind her desk going over the schedules appearances for tomorrows court. She hated court. The nobles were such a pain in her royal flank. Let's tear down this school so that I can build a new horse shoe factory. Let's close down this national park so that we can build a new country club. She contemplated making a new rule that any absolutely stupid propositions earned yourself a hard kick in the balls, or a cunt punt, can't discriminate. She took a sip of her tea, and reached over to a fruit bowl she kept on her desk and grabbed a banana; a sweet, succulent banana, her only escape. As she gently peeled away the skin there was a rapid knocking on her door. Sigh "Come in." The door opened to reveal one of her trusty guards, who immediately bowed to her. "Lieutenant Noble Charge, what seems to be the problem?" The guard rose and removed his helmet.
"Ma'am, I hate to tell you this, but the humans and Rainbow Dash have escaped, and there is a third human with them that has a large self-powered carriage."
"Well, this certainly is a problem, now isn't it, but don't worry, the guards down in Ponyville will have this covered."
"But your highness, don't you want to send in reinforcements?"
"No, no, no, they can handle it. Why don't you go ahead and go home, spend the evening with your wife."
"Really? Thank you, your highness."
"Think nothing of it." The guard then replaced his helmet, gave a bow and went about on his away. Celestia sat at her desk with her fingers laced together on its surface, she had a warm smile on her face and was staring ahead at nothing in particular. "Oh, buck all kinds of duck."
