If Fanfics Were Real

by XtraL1fe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Scootaloo, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2564

Twilight explains to Spike what it would like if MLP FiM fanfics were realistic.

On a beautiful Summer day, Twilight tries to help Spike realize that some fanfics would be pretty ridiculous if they were realistic.

Author's Note: Yes, this is based on the "If _____ Were Real" series that was originally created by Smosh. Please support their stuff. I did not make any of the fanfics that are mentioned in the story below and NO I do not dislike any of them!! (Except for "Cupcakes" and "Rainbow Factory".)

Smosh.com

If Movies Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QinQAhMxHtg

If Video Games Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bKoahtmcHY&feature=relmfu

If Cartoons Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APV5LnQvqFw&feature=relmfu

If Scary Movies Were Real:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxMHWP7I8os&feature=channel&list=UL

If Kids Shows Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUYPEhFTdkA&feature=channel&list=UL

If Superheroes Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz45c3vNuIs&feature=channel&list=UL

If The Internet Was Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2P11pU3yo0&feature=channel&list=UL

If Movies Were Real 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D_xPnq6onE&feature=relmfu

If Holidays Were Real: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO2DSl6opEg&feature=channel&list=UL

If Video Games Were Real 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-xiNaTXZV8&feature=channel&list=UL

Published 2012-04-20 02:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-20 02:24:01 UTC

If Fanfics Were Real

Bump! Bump! Sugar-lump, rump!
SHUT UP!

Ever since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, Twilight Sparkle and her friends have gained quite a following in all of Equestria; but mainly Ponyville. Ponies that were young and old, male and female; all looked up to the Elements of Harmony; the six ponies eventually got their own fanbase. Now at first, it was big shock to the Mane Six, of course, but as time went on the six ponies were happy and quite proud of their own huge following. The fans of the Elements of Harmony called themselves, “The Harmonies”, and every now and then the “Harmonies” would meet up with each other to celebrate all the good the Mane Six had brought to them. Some of the “Harmonies” wrote and performed music about the six ponies, some would make short films about them, and others would write and tell fictional stories about the Mane Six and the ponies (and dragon) that personally knew them. Now to use only one word to describe the fictional stories the ponies would write would be impossible! Some of the stories were good, some of the stories were bad; some were happy, some were sad; others were funny, while the ones that tried too hard to be funny…well…they sucked! Occasionally Twilight and her friends would read the stories their fans wrote about them. And every now and then they would find a really good one, but there were those times where they found one that completely shocked them. But the Mane 6 and all of their friends and family did not really care about what their fans wrote about them, because they knew it was only fictional.

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everypony was enjoying the wonderful weather. However, a certain purple unicorn was enjoying the day inside the library, rather than outside. (I’m talking about Twilight by the way.) Twilight was sitting on her floor focusing on few sheets of paper when suddenly Spike entered the room.

“Hey, Twi, I’ve got the quills you asked fo-, what are you reading?”

“Oh thanks Spike,” Twilight said while magically taking the quills away from Spike, “I was just reading this fictional story that was written by one of our fans.”

“How can you even read those stories? They are so unrealistic! Some of them are even about Scootaloo and I having a relationship, I barely even know Scootaloo! And plus, everypony knows that I have a crush on Rarity, thanks to you.” Spike sighed while sitting next to Twilight.

“Oh, Spike,” the purple unicorn chuckled, “it’s only a fanfic! Could you imagine how ridiculous it would be if fanfics were actually realistic?”

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

(For your viewing pleasure.)

Reading Rainbow by Corejo

They all said their farewells and exited the room, but Rainbow Dash stopped in the doorway to look back at her friend. Empathy and guilt built in her stomach. Twilight looked terrible. She couldn’t leave her here alone, not like that. She had to do something. But what?

Suddenly, an idea came to her, and she turned to the doctor. “Hey, Doc, would it be alright if I stayed a little longer?”

“Hold on a second, Rainbow!” Twilight spoke up, “I’ve been covered by bees and I’ve had an anvil and a piano fall on top of my head! And you’re worried about bandages over my eyes?”

“But, Twi, you look awful! You must be in a lot of pain!

“I’ve been through worse, trust me.”

“Oh, okay. See you tomorrow!”

(Shorten version for your viewing pleasure)

Background Pony by shortskirtsandexplosions

Dear Journal,
I really don’t understand why, but for some reason I’m a really popular pony. I’ve gained popularity ever since ponies saw me sitting differently. It’s really odd, I’ve never done anything important in my life, but everypony seems to love me very much; to be more specific, the guys seem to love me the most. It’s not a romantic type of love; it’s more of a supportive type of love, every time a pony sees me, they scream, “We love you Lyra!” which is I think is really cool, but what’s even stranger is that they seem even happier when they see me with my good friend Bon-Bon rather than with anypony else! Some ponies even draw art pictures of me, and a lot of those pictures contain me and Bon-Bon. Why am I getting all this attention?! Do I have a lovely personality!? Do I even have a personality!? Oh well, I guess it isn’t really a big deal. In the meantime, I better work on some character development.

Rainbow Factory by AuroraDawn

Scootaloo cranked into the bottom part of the ring, falling backwards several feet and hitting the ground. With a sudden intense flash of fear, she flipped herself onto her feet and began flapping her wings, levitating off the ground. Maybe that didn’t count as a failure, she thought. I can still fly. There was a distraction on the field. She spun around to the judges.

Three hooves, pointed down.

Scootaloo started crying, but then one of the judges interrupted her, “Oh calm down, you can always take the test again.”

“Wait, what!?” Scootaloo asked.

“You and your two other friends can come back in about four weeks from now!” the judge replied in an irritated tone, “NEXT!”

As soon as she saw Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash immediately flew towards her, “Hey kid, how did your flight test go?”

Scootaloo gave out a sad sigh, “I failed…I’m sorry Dash.”

“What are you sorry for Scootaloo? Not everypony passes their flight test for the first time, come on let’s do some more training.

“You’re still going to train me, even after I failed you!?”

“Well yeah, I am the Element of Loyalty; if I didn’t help you, then that would be stupid and completely out of character!”

Scootaloo smiled and chuckled, “I guess you’re right Rainbow Dash. Oh and Rainbow, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it Scoots?”

“You have beautiful eyes.”

“Um…thanks?”

Twilight’s Sister by Whitemage of DOOM

Twilight doesn’t have a sister! And she never will! Or will she?
The End

Spitfire’s Day Off by Artimae

“Alright everypony, that’s enough! You all did well with today’s training, you may go home!”

After she was done with her announcement, Spitfire started to head back home when suddenly she was interrupted by a certain rainbow pegasus. (I’m talking Rainbow Dash by the way.)

“Hey, Spitfire, there’s something I tell you!”

“What is it, rookie?”

“Oh nothing, I just wanted to congratulate and thank you for being such an awesome captain!”

“Why thank you, Rainbow!” Spitfire replied with a smile, “You know for a second there I thought you were just going to insult me and call me a camera hog.”

“Why would you even think that, captain?” Rainbow Dash asked, “Everypony knows that I look up to you!”

“I have no idea…” the captain of the Wonderbolts responded. For about fifteen seconds, both of the Wonderbolts stood there in an awkward silence without looking at each other; then suddenly, the rainbow Wonderbolt broke the silence,

“So…do you want to go get some lunch?”

“Sure!”

“Great! Lunch is on me, captain!”

“Sweet Celestia, I love this country!” the fiery-mane Pegasus said with a happy sigh.

Cupcakes by Sergeant Sprinkles

“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready.” The pink one said.

Dash psyched herself up. “ You betcha, Pinkie. What do ya got planed? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you got some stunts you think I should try? Or maybe…”

“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.

“Baking”? Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good baking. Remember the last time?”

“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work.” Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second and replied, “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do need me to do”?

“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”

“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

“So, is this like taste testing or something?”

“Sorta” Pinkie said.

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.

“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.
“Tell me what you think!” Pinkie Pie replied.
“It’s okay I guess, it could use a little more sugar…”

Just then Pinkie Pie jumped up and started to sing,
"Ohhhh Rainbow Dash says there should be more sugar in this cupcake,
And because of her advice I’ll improve the way that I bake!
So I’ll throw this away, and bake more cupcakes,
And when I’m done I’ll get us some strawberry milkshakes!
Did you know that male ducks are called ‘drakes’?
They like to hang around ponds and swim on lakes!
Mr. and Mrs. Cake will want to get rid of their leaves with a rake,
I just ran out of words that rhyme with CUPCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

After Pinkie Pie was done singing Rainbow Dash could not stop laughing, “Oh Pinkie Pie, you are so random and funny! I swear that you kill me sometimes!”

It Takes a Village by determamfidd

The leader of the anti-dragon protesters screamed “WE DON’T WANT ANY DRAGONS IN PONYVILLE!! Right everypony?” All the anti-dragons protesters screamed in argument, but then Twilight spoke up,

“Yes you do, everypony wants Spike to stay in this village because he is a well-respected member here! Right everypony?” Everypony that was there then cheered in agreement with Twilght.

The leader of the protesters replied, “Oh I guess you’re right, well I better move on with my life…”

The Moral of the Story: All background ponies without names are gullible and will believe whatever one of the Mane 6 or a character with a name, will say.

The Third Generation by Candle Light

Allegrezza by CoffeeGrunt

Author’s Note: The author would like to apologize for not making a parody of Allegrezza. The reason why he is not able to spoof this story is because no one knows the canon characteristics of the two main ponies of this story (Octavia and Vinyl Scratch.) So instead, here’s a video of Charlie Sheen singing “Only You” which was originally performed by “The Platters.”

Zelda!

The Passing of Childhood by HikariAkai

Toys can’t talk or have feelings because they’re inanimate objects.
THE END.

Past Sins by Pen Stroke, assisted by Batty Gloom, pre-read by a lot of people.

“Oh, you silly spy. You thought you could hide in the schoolhouse, but nopony can hide from me,” Pinkie Pie said as she moved to the school’s front door. Once she was standing on the school’s front-step, Pinkie Pie charged at the door, bursting through with a resounding crash.
She then somersaulted once before jumping up onto her back hooves, pulling a few karate poses as she shouted into the dark.

“Come out now, Spy Spyerton McSpy! I know you’re in here, and you’re going to tell me why you’re being a big meanie and spying on me and my friends!”
“Enough of this,” a voice snarled from the back of the room. Pinkie Pie turned, her eyes meeting the same brown-gray eyes she had seen among the exhibits. Those eyes closed, then reopened a brilliant turquoise.
“How did your eyes change to a different color?” Pinkie Pie asked in a confused tone.
“WAIT, WHAT?!! How come you haven’t turned into stone? You’re supposed to turn into stone!” the spy exclaimed in a very nervous tone.
“Oh you silly little spy, I’m PINKIE PIE!!” the pink party responded hoof-cuffing the spy, “And you’re getting a citizen’s arrest for attempting to turn a poor innocent little pony into stone!”
“WHAT?! HOW?! That’s not even a law!” the spy argued back.
“Law 33 1/3: Section D: Verse 2-4 (Side B) clearly states that anypony that turns a pony into stone or attempts to turn a pony into stone, is subject to execution!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, “Come on, buddy, you’re coming with me for some questioning.”
And then Twilight and the others found out that Spell Nexus was behind the evil plan to bring back Nightmare Moon, and so Equestria and Nyx were saved!
THE END.

~~

How to Woo Your Lady in Nine Easy Steps by paleowriter

Spike will never win Rarity…HA!

_____________________________________________________

“Yeah, I guess it would stink if fanfics were actually realistic.” Spike said after thinking about the topic for a while.

“I told you.” Twilight replied in an I-told-you-so tone.

“Sigh, well I gotta go; I have a date with Rarity and I don’t want to be late!” Spike proudly said while heading towards the library’s front door.

“Helping Rarity with her sewing, does not count as a date!” Twilight smirked.

“YES IT DOES!” Spike yelled back whilst slamming the door.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVWVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

(Thumbs up if you found the “W”)

Once he was out the library, Spike started to head towards the boutique while admiring Ponyville’s beautiful scenery. “It certainly is a beautiful day.” Spike thought to himself, “What could go wrong on a day like this?” The purple dragon then started to hum a familiar tune when suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a somewhat familiar voice.

“Hi, Spike!”

Spike turned his head around and noticed that Scootaloo was approaching him without her scooter or any of her other friends. “Oh hi Scoots, how’s it going?”

“It’s going pretty well, you?”

“Oh I’m doing fine myself; I was just heading over to Rarity’s.”

“Oh, you were?” Scootaloo asked in a disappointed tone, “Because I was just going to ask if you wanted to hang out, but I can see that you’re busy.”

It was then that the purple unicorn’s young number one purple dragon assistant noticed the upset look on the orange filly’s face, “Is she upset that I can’t hang out with her? Why would she be upset that I ca-… Holy guacamole, does she have a crush on me!? I think she has a crush on me! That would explain why she is her by herself and not with Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom. I guess stuff in fanfiction really does happen in real life! But I barely even know her! In fact how old is she? I know that I’m older than her, but how much older than her? Okay, calm down Spike, calm down! Just play it cool.”

“Scootaloo are you asking me out on date?” Spike asked. “D’oh! I probably shouldn’t have said that…”

“WHAT?! NO! I was only asking you to hang because both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are both busy at the moment!” the orange pegasus replied with both shock and a little bit of irritation.

“Scootaloo I-“

“And just because I asked if you wanted to hang out, you just assume that I have feelings for you!? Sigh, I guess I’ll go ask Snips, Snails, or Pipsqueak if they want to do something.” Scootaloo stated while walking towards the opposite direction of the boutique.

The End