The Life and Times of a Reformed Draconequus
Author's Note
I always told myself that I woud never write Discord, due to his constantly changing forms and erratic behavior. I wasn't sure of I could make him believable. Well, here we go. I hope you like it.
Breakfast
Discord yawned, stretching his limbs wide. He was an interesting creature to behold, a draconequus. His body was a mismatch of parts from various creatures: the head of a pony, topped with both the horn of a goat and an antler of a deer. His mismatched eyes were accented by two bushy, white eyebrows. A mischievous grin was plastered upon his face, nearly perpetually. A large, misplaced tooth jutted from his smile. He had a an elongated neck, resembling that of a grey horse, with a short, black mane. One arm was that of a lion paw, the other an eagle claw. Attached to his long body was a pair of wings, one of a blue pegasus, and one navy bat wing. Discord sprouted a leg of a goat and one of a lizard. His tail was that of a dragon, a deep red and topped with a white puff of fur.
Discord rolled himself out of the hammock he had conjured between two trees the night before. He snapped his fingers, and the hammock disappeared. He cracked his back and looked around. It seemed as though he had settled down in the Everfree Forest last night. One might think the draconequus to be insane to sleep in the wild forest, but the spirit of disharmony had some of the most powerful magic in Equestria and was perfectly safe, though that’s not to say that he was sane either.
“Ah, what an invigorating night’s sleep,” Discord said to nopony in particular. “Now, for breakfast.” He supposed he could magically conjure up a huge breakfast for himself, but where was the fun in that? As much as he was hungry for food, he was equally, if not more, for some chaos. “Of course, I can’t do anything too dramatic. I would hate to upset poor Fluttershy.” Fluttershy had been the first friend he had ever made, and the meek little mare held a special place in his heart. He would do anything for Fluttershy. Of course, what Fluttershy didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Discord rapped his mismatched fingers together at the thought.
With a snap of his fingers, he was in Ponyville’s main square, where several stalls were set up for the morning market rush. He was greeted by gasps of passing ponies at his sudden appearance. An orange mare with a green mane and tail, who had been standing particularly close, fainted in a rather overly-dramatic fashion. He caught the fainting pony in the crook of his arm, only to have her faint again, when she awoke to the face of not Discord, but of a green viper staring back at her.
“Careful not to sssslip.” The snake-faced Discord hissed at her. He changed his face back to normal, when he realized that the mare wasn’t coming back around anytime soon. He dropped her unceremoniously onto the dirt path.
By this time, ponies were giving him mixed glares of shock and anger. The draconequus smiled innocently in return. “What? I was just telling her to be careful. Just being a good citizen and asset to Equestrian society.” The ponies didn’t seem to buy it, as they turned their attention back to their morning chores.
Discord browsed the stalls of the ponyfolk. Most of the shopkeepers regarded him suspiciously, as he gave them too large of grins to be socially acceptable. Though there were many stalls in the market, nothing tickled his fancy, as far as food went.
“Well, this won’t do at all.” He commented, examining the celery stall.
The stallion behind the counter narrowed his eyes and frowned, suddenly jumping as Discord appeared behind him, draping his lion’s paw about his neck.
“Now, don’t be so sour, dear sir. But really, who wants to eat celery in the morning? Nopony, that’s who.”
The stallion’s frown deepened.
“Come on and turn that frown upside-down.” And with a snap of his claws, the stallion’s face was suddenly upside-down, literally!
The pony felt about his face with his hooves frantically. “Ugh! Change it back! Change it back!”
Discord stood back, an artist’s beret atop of his head, rubbing his chin with a paw, an artist examining his work. “No, I think you look much better this way. Toodles!” He waved to the stallion, walking away, enjoying the moment of genuine panic for a few moments longer, before changing the poor creature’s face back to normal.
“Hmm, all of this searching has left me rather parched.” With a snap of his claws, he turned a cloud above him into what appeared to be a sticky, pink cotton candy cloud that rained chocolate milk. It was no coincidence that the cloud changed into a sticky mass just moments before a working Rainbow Dash on cloud clearing duty came barreling into it. She was promptly stuck. Her entire frame was engulfed in the cloud, save for her head and hooves.
“Hey Discord! What’s the big idea?!” The rainbow pegasus challenged, as she struggled in the pink mess.
“What? I was thirsty.” He conjured a glass in his claws and took a sip. “Ah, refreshing. Want some?”
“As if! Now get me out of here!”
Discord floated up to the cyan pony. He pinched her snout with disapproval. “Ah, ah! That’s not how we speak to friends, now is it, Rainbow Dash?”
She glared at him and growled.
“I don’t know why you don’t just eat yourself out!” Piped a voice from the ground. Of course, it could only be Pinkie Pie, who was hopping around in delight, while wearing the oddest piece of headgear Rainbow Dash had ever seen.
“Hey Pinkie, what’s with the hat?”
“Oh! It’s my chocolate milk drinking hat! It’s a bowl on the top, so I can catch the chocolate milk rain, and it has this straw, so I can drink it!” She paused to put her mouth around the straw and drink a number of large gulps from the bowl atop her head, until she was sucking it dry with loud slurping noises.
“And you just had this laying around your house?” Rainbow Dash raised a brow.
Now that was a pony that could appreciate a good joke, thought Discord. In a flash, he teleported next to Pinkie Pie, who was still noisily slurping on her bowl hat. “Pinkie Pie, you are quite the fan of my work. Something a true friend would do, be supportive of my creative endeavors.” He gave Rainbow Dash an accusing glare.
A hoof was suddenly poking him in the chest. “Don’t go getting any ideas, mister.” Scolded the pink mare. “I’m only a fan of chaos when, and only when, it involves chocolate rain!”
Discord sighed, “Fine. Well, I suppose neither of you ponies want to help me with my little dilemma then."
“Well, maybe if you didn’t trap ponies in clouds of cotton candy, they’d be more willing to help you.” Grumbled Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie gasped in her usual dramatic fashion. “You’re in a dilemma! Oh my gosh! What is it? What is it?!” She shook the draconequus harshly by his shoulders.
He took a big step backwards, letting the pink mare faceplant into the earth. She jumped back up like nothing happened. “Well, it just so happens that I am in great need of substinance. It is almost nine o’clock, and I haven’t had even a morsel.” He collapsed into a dramatic heap, turning pale.
“You’re hungry?! That’s your big emergency?” Rainbow Dash shouted, but Discord ignored it.
“Pinkie Pie… help me?” He asked feebly, melting into a puddle.
“Oh, would I ever!” Pinkie Pie bounced around the Discord puddle cheerfully. “I work at the Cakes’ bake shop, Sugarcube Corner. You’ve heard of Sugarcube Corner, haven’t you? Why am I asking? Of course you have! I mean, Sugarcube Corner makes cakes and sweets and candy, and anypony who’s anypony knows where to buy cakes, sweets and candy! I mean, you would have to be a nopony not to know…”
Discord exchanged a glance with Rainbow Dash, both of them wearing similar expressions. “Well Pinkie Pie,” he said, pinching her snout shut, while she continued to mumble wordlessly between his talons, “as fascinating as that sounds, I have some prior engagements. He snapped his claws, and the draconequus was gone.
“Hey! I’m still stuck here!” Rainbow Dash called after him.
“... and I make lots and lots of things at the bakery. I make cakes, pies - all kinds of pies: apple, cherry, chocolate, lemon, rhubarb…”
Applejack was, as usual, already busy bucking apples down at Sweet Apple Acres. Approaching another tree, she turned and bucked it.
“Ouch! How rude!”
She rounded on “tree.” A scowl crossed her features. Where there ought to be an apple tree, was Discord in tree form. A face with mismatched eyes, an out of place tooth, bushy eyebrows and a goat’s beard stared back at her from the truck. She kept a straight face. Celestia help her, if she was going to let him know how much he startled her.
“You really shouldn’t kick ponies, Applejack. It’s simply rude. I know you country types are often short in the manners department -”
“Excuse me?!”
“- but any well brought up pony knows that violence is never acceptable.”
Letting out a snort of annoyance, Applejack tried to calm herself down. Don’t let him get to ya. He’s reformed after all...Though that doesn’t mean he’s not annoying to the pits of Tartarus and back - twice. “Alright Discord, what are you doing on my farm?”
Discord shrank, taking on his natural form once more. He placed his lion’s paw over his heart, seemingly hurt. “What? Can’t a friend drop in for a visit with another friend?”
Applejack narrowed her eyes. “You never show up here, unless you’re either causing trouble, or asking for something.”
Discord met her gaze. “Hmm, well played, Applejack. To be honest, I’ve been looking for something to eat for breakfast.”
“Well, go help yourself to an apple.” She gestured moodily to a nearby tree with a hoof.
“What? No apple pancakes, no fritters, no pies?”
“Nope. Beggars can’t be choosers, and we already finished breakfast three hours ago.”
“Fine.” Suddenly Discord took the form of a vampire fruit bat which, much to his delight, appeared to frighten the mare. He made a mental note of it for future reference. He flew and perched on a tree, sinking his fangs into an apple and sucking it dry. He spit the seeds onto the ground, which may or may not have hit Applejack in the face on accident. She gave him a cross look. “Okay, okay, I’m going.”
He vanished.
“I heard ‘em! I heard the sound of a feeding vampire fruit bat!” Granny Smith emerged from the house, brandishing a cast iron skillet, as if it were a baseball bat.
“It’s nothing, Granny. Just Discord.”
Twilight screamed, as the draconequus suddenly appeared in her living room with a blinding flash. “Discord!”
He popped up next to the alicorn, too close for her liking. “Happy to see me, friend?”
“Um, sure,” she said, taking a delicate step back. “But what brings you here on, erm, such short notice?”
“Well, I was in the neighborhood, when I thought that I should visit my dear friend, Twilight Sparkle. Then I got to thinking that it would be a stupendous idea that we should have breakfast together! What do you say, hmm?” He leaned forward, batting suddenly long lashes at her.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass today, Discord. I am very busy with this new assignment Celestia gave me last week, but I would love to have breakfast sometime in.. the…. future…?” She looked to where he was standing, but he was already gone. She shrugged and pressed her snout back into her book.
“What was all that about? Were you talking to someone, Twilight?” Spike asked, exiting the kitchen, his claws full with a large platter of pancakes.
“Oh, it was just Discord, wanting to have some breakfast - Spike, why did you make pancakes? We already had breakfast, remember.”
The small dragon shrugged. “I’m hungry. I’m going through a growth spurt.”
Celestia was taking a sip of her tea with mid-morning brunch. Luna sat across the small table from her, eyeing the quiche. Celestia smiled, using her magic to pass Luna a napkin. “You’re drooling, my sister.”
Luna took it hastily and wiped the wetness from her muzzle. “Thank you.” She glanced around to make sure nopony had seen.
They were on the balcony of their shared lounge. Brunch was set up with the finest dishes in Canterlot, white adorned with gold trim and a depiction of the sun and moon in the center of every dish and at the base of every teacup. The brunch menu was comprised of quiche, fruit salad, and an assortment of pastries. The small round table was set up for three. Neither princess would eat until the last seat was filled.
“Celestia, he’s late again. Can’t we start without him?”
The sun princess shook her head. “No, that would be very rude to our guest.”
“In case you have forgotten, sister, this ‘guest’ almost destroyed Equestria - twice!”
“Oh, did I hear you talking about little ol’ me?” The princesses looked up to see the draconequus floating down from the sky with an umbrella, while wearing a tophat. Upon landing, he removed his hat and bowed dramatically. Turning to Luna, he pinched her cheeks like a doting aunt. “You ought to remember your manners, dear Luna.”
Luna gave him a bitter glare through narrowed eyes, as he took a seat between her and Celestia. She rubbed her sore cheek with a hoof.
“Discord,” Celestia greeted warmly. “So glad you could make it.”
“Why of course, Celestia. I wouldn’t miss brunch for the world!”
“Though you were a little late this morning.” Luna noted. “What kept you, Discord?”
“Oh, the usual.”
The Life and Times of a Reformed Draconequus
So far it had been a normal day for Discord the Draconequus, embodiment of chaos and spirit of disharmony. He had done some grocery shopping in the Ponyville marketplace, something he had been doing for several weeks now, but the ponies still regarded him with speculation, though he couldn’t understand why. It couldn’t be anything with him turning ponies’ faces upside down, making apples grow legs and dance on the counters, or summoning a cockatrice into the middle of town square, could it? Now that he thought about it, the cockatrice did create quite a mess for him to clean up afterwards. He assumed that cockatrice safety was something they taught in the schools in Equestria. That assumption had been promptly proven false. Nearly half of the ponies in Ponyville had been turned to stone, after looking into the creature’s eyes, before Princess Twilight Sparkle herself had come storming out of the library and forced him to help her change everypony back. But all that was a long time ago, two weeks to be exact.
Discord appeared by Fluttershy’s quaint cottage with a muffled pop. He held a platter of cucumber sandwiches, his friend’s favorite lunchtime treat. He had also brought along an extra large and extra crunchy carrot for Angel. He rapped on the door with a lion’s paw.
Fluttershy opened the door and greeted him with a warm smile. “Discord, how wonderful to see you again. Please come in.” She led him inside, where a set table, complete with a pitcher of iced tea and a plate of muffins, was arranged in the center of the room.
They had just seated themselves at the table, when Angel Bunny begged Discord’s attention with a series of light, and very annoyed taps to his lizard leg. He thumped one of his large feet impatiently.
“Angel!” Fluttershy scolded her pet. “That behavior is very rude. We do not treat our friends that way.”
“Oh Fluttershy, it’s quite alright. This is what you want, isn’t it, Angel?” He held up the large carrot.
The small, white rabbit nodded vigorously. He hopped up and down, his forepaws outstretched, scrabbling for the delicious treat that Discord dangled just out of reach. However, the draconequus did not tease his friend’s pet for more than a couple brief moments. He dropped the carrot to the floor, where it was instantly set upon by the incisors of the very hungry bunny.
“How very kind of you to think of Angel like that.” Fluttershy commented, as she watched her pet with adoring eyes. Discord often wondered to himself, if Fluttershy really knew how much of a spoiled and demanding brat that rabbit could be. Of course, he could never say this.
He turned back to the small pegasus. She had not helped herself to anything yet. “Oh Fluttershy, please do me the honor of letting you take the first cucumber sandwich.”
“Oh no. Please, I insist. You take the first. You brought them.”
“Fluttershy, I insist, and I will not take no for an answer,” and with a snap of his claws, one of the sandwiches floated from the platter and onto her plate. He then allowed a second sandwich to park itself on his own plate. “Now that that’s settled, let’s dig in, shall we?”
The two ate in silence, simply enjoying one another’s company. Angel was passed out on the floor in what appeared to be a prompt food coma. A little paw rested over his extended belly. He belched loudly.
“Angel, say ‘excuse me!” Fluttershy instructed.
The rabbit merely gave her a cross glare and turned over onto his side.
“So Fluttershy,” Discord said, as he helped himself to a muffin, “any plans for this afternoon?”
“Today is Angel’s bath day, and bathing a bunny can be a very sensitive matter.”
Discord snapped his claws, and a bucket filled to the brim, hovered above the critter. “That, I can help you with.”
Angel let out a terrified squeak. He leaped onto Fluttershy’s back and crawled into her mane. Discord could see two angry eyes peering out at him. He allowed the bucket to disappear and chuckled.
“Come on now, Angel. Do be a good sport.” He gently chided.
There was a sudden rapping on the door shortly followed by the door simply being bucked open and sent flying clear through the cottage and crashing into the couch. “Fluttershy!” Screamed a frantic Pinkie Pie with saddlebags full of baking supplies. “The Cakes are out of town for the Annual Equestrian Bake Off for the week. I’m watching Pumpkin and Pound Cake, but a huuuge order just came in that needs to be finished and delivered tomorrow morning! Please. can you help me? Granny Smith was able to take a break from preparing for the Zap Apple preparations for an hour, while I went out for supplies, but she’s too busy, and frankly way too old to keep up with the twins for long!” She grabbed at Fluttershy’s hooves, simply groveling, while delivering her puppy-dog stare.
“I’m sorry, Pinkie Pie, but today is Angel’s bath day. He likes to soak in his bubble bath for at least an hour, and afterwards I have to brush out his coat, so it won’t tangle. And I have to style his tail, so it’s extra fluffy, just the way he likes it. I hope that’s okay. I’m sure somepony else could help you.”
“But I tried everyone else!” Pinkie wailed. “Twilight and Spike are away in Canterlot for princess things, Applejack is getting ready for the Zap Apple harvest, Rarity won’t go near babies, and Rainbow Dash is out seeing a Wonderbolts show! So you are my only hope!” She redoubled her efforts in the puppy dog department.
“Well, I uh.” She looked over to the rabbit that was now perched on her shoulder. “Angel, I know that today is your special bath day, but Pinkie Pie really needs my help. Would it be okay if we rescheduled your bath for tomorrow….please?”
Angel stomped a large paw, causing her to flinch. He turned his back away in a pout.
“Angel, if you agree to take your bath tomorrow, I’ll pick up some of your favorite scented bath beads.” She tempted, alas to no avail. “I’ll give you an extra long massage. How does that sound?” Nothing. Fluttershy sighed. “I’m sorry, Pinkie. It just doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to get out of this one. I did promise Angel.”
Pinkie’s mane deflated like a balloon. “That’s okay. I understand. I suppose I could try and manage filling the order and caring for the twins at the same time….”
“Um, I don’t mean to impose,” Fluttershy piped in quietly. “but maybe you, Discord, could help Pinkie Pie. After all, you do such a good job helping me care for all of my animals.”
Discord tapped his chin with a lion’s paw. “Well, I don’t know. I’d have to check my calendar.” And with a flash, there he was, sitting behind a large, wooden desk, dressed in a suit and tie. He studied the calendar in his claws, while taking a pencil from behind his ear. “Hmm, let’s see here. Today is Tuesday. Breakfast -check, spend time in my Thinking Tree - check, Lunch with Fluttershy - check. Well, I did have some mild chaos planned - out of town, of course, for this afternoon, but I suppose I could reschedule that for tomorrow, and make up for lost time with some moderate chaos.... Okay, I’ll do it.” He snapped his fingers, and the scene disappeared.
“Oh thank you, “Discord! Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” Pinkie Pie pounced on him and wrapped him into a suffocating embrace.
Discord flinched at the unusual touch. “Hey! What do you think you’re -” It took a second, before it occurred to him that he was on the receiving end of a hug. Nopony had ever hugged him before. He allowed this to last for a moment or two longer. He gave the pink Earth Pony a brief hug in return, but only for a second. He has a reputation to uphold, after all. He glanced over at Fluttershy, who was grinning ear to ear, knowingly.
The draconequus teleported a foot back, out of the embrace, letting the pink mare fall flat on her face. “Okay, Pinkie Pie. Let’s get ‘sitting!”
They arrived at Sugarcube Corner in a blinding flash. Pinkie Pie made it seem like it was very important for them to get there as quickly as possible, and what was faster than teleportation? Pinkie Pie seemed woozy for a moment after the spell, but she shook it off like a wet dog. She rushed into the shop, slamming the door open.
“Granny Smith? Granny Smith, I’m back with the supplies and someone to help!”
The elderly, green pony slowly made her way down the staircase. “Shh, you’re going to wake up the little ‘uns. Just got ‘em down to nap.” It took her a great deal of concentration to get down the stairs. Pinkie Pie tried to assist her, but she waved her away. “I don’t need nopony’s help!”
Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, she looked up and down in Discord’s direction. “Curious-lookin’ fella you brought with you. Is he the one helping you with the twins?”
Pinkie nodded her head vigorously. “Yep! This is Discord. He’s a draconequus.”
Granny Smith squinted harder, walking past Discord, as she closely studied a potted plant behind him. “A Draconequus, eh? He looks a lot like one of my houseplants.” She shrugged, like it was nothing, turning towards the door. “You young ponies and your crazy fashions.”
“Good-bye, Granny Smith!” Pinkie Pie waved the elder away, as she slowly made her way down the path towards Sweet Apple Acres. She turned back to Discord, who was waving behind her. “Alright, Discord. It’s time for you to meet Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake!”
Pinkie Pie lead him upstairs, quietly, as to not wake the sleeping foals. They entered the darkened nursery. “This is Pumpkin Cake,” Pinkie Pie said, gesturing to pale orange unicorn filly with a baby blue bow in her carrot-colored mane. “And this is Pound Cake.” The colt looked nothing like his sister, a tan coat and deep brown mane. When he turned over onto his side, a pair of developing wings were visible.
Discord studied the pair closely. “Pinkie Pie, I’m no expert, but one foal is a unicorn, and the other is a pegasus. If I remember correctly, their parents, Mr. and Mrs. Cake are both Earth ponies. How in Equestria did they produce two foals entirely different from themselves?”
Pinkie Pie tapped her chin with a hoof. “If I remember what they said, Mr. and Mrs. Cake had a pegasus and a unicorn somewhere in their combined family tree.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. I mean, just look at them! Aren't they cute?”
Indeed, Discord found the little things quite adorable, but he certainly wasn’t going to say so. The Embodiment of Chaos did not simply strut about, calling little babies ‘cute’. “I suppose they’re alright.” He grudged.
Pinkie pie didn't seem to notice his hesitation. “Keep an eye on them, okay? I have to start on this order,” she said, as she bounced noiselessly out of the room.
Discord scratched his head. “How does she do that?”
The draconequus settled down in a rocking chair in the nursery’s corner. He pulled back the curtain on the window, just enough so that he could see outside. “Well, this certainly turned out to be a boring gig.” He muttered to himself. “I suppose it could be worse. They could be awake.” Now Discord didn't know much about babies of any sort, but what he did know was that they cried, a lot.
As of on cue, a loud wail echoed through the room, emitted from Pound Cake, promptly waking his sister, who joined in the wailing. Discord flinched and bit at his claws.
“P-Pinkie Pie!”
“Feed them dinner!” Pinkie called from downstairs in the shop. “Their bottles are in the kitchen!”
Discord felt cold sweat creeping down the back of his neck. “Okay, dinner. He grabbed the wailing foals in his magical grasp and floated them, flailing, down the stairs.
Pinkie Pie gasped, looking up from her bowl of batter. “Oh no, no, no!” She dropped what she was doing and took the foals, settling them onto her back. Discord followed her into the kitchen, where she warmed up two bottles of formula. He noted that she let a drop of the liquid drip onto the inside her foreleg from each bottle, before giving the bottles to the foals, who sat on the kitchen floor, sucking greedily.
“Why did you do that?” Discord asked.
“Do what?”
“Drip that stuff onto your leg like that?” It felt weird asking a mortal for factual information. He was immortal, after all. Many lifetimes had granted him incomparable knowledge, but it seemed that caring for youngsters was not a part of that knowledge.
“You have to do that to make sure the formula isn’t too hot. Babies have very sensitive mouths, you know, and they don’t know how to blow on their food to make it cool enough to eat, but then you can’t blow on a bottle to make it cool off!” She was cut off by a bout of giggles and snorts. Recomposing herself, she continued. “So, you have to test the formula on your leg. It should be warm, but not hot.”
An bottle went flying across the room, smacking into the shop’s front door. The sound was reciprocated with a fit of giggles from the little pony that threw it. Pound Cake grabbed his back hooves and rocked back and forth with amusement. Following her brother’s lead, Pumpkin Cake levitated her bottle and made to throw it, but the young unicorn’s magic failed, and the bottle fell atop of her head. Her blue eyes filled with tears.
“Oh no! Please don’t cry.” Pinkie pleaded.
The little filly began to hic, and even the inexperienced Discord could tell chaos was about to ensue - and not the good kind, either. Who knew there was a bad kind of chaos?!
Come on, Discord, think! He pounded his forehead with a fist. Suddenly, he had it! He snapped his claws, and a miniature train with tracks running all around bakery appeared, The perfect size for two little foals. With another snap, two seats appeared at the front of the miniature locomotive.
Pumpkin Cake blinked the welling tears from her eyes, then she started to giggle, as she and her brother climbed aboard the train, that took off at gentle pace. The little ponies waved their hooves in the air.
“Great idea, Discord! But um…” The pink pony stopped short.
“But what…?
“Could you maybe add some seatbelts? I would hate for them to fall off and get a boo boo.”
The draconequus sighed, snapped his claws again, and seatbelts appeared about the two giddy foals. “Fine.”
“Thank you, Discord! You keep an eye on the twins, I have to start baking, and you should know that baby uni-” A lion’s paw grabbed her muzzle.
“Yes, yes, I know. Watch the twins, make sure they don’t die and what not.” He muttered.
To his surprise, though he wasn’t sure why he let Pinkie Pie surprise him anymore, the pink mare just said, “Okie, dokie, lokie!” and hopped back into the kitchen.
Discord watched the foals go around and around on the train track. He became suddenly aware that Pound Cake was starting to look a little green. “This can’t be good.” He stopped the train and released the twins from the seatbelts. Pumpkin Pie was toddling off to the corner of the room, where she promptly plopped down and began gnawing on a rubber chicken that squeaked with every chomp from the little unicorn. Discord turned his attention to the colt, who did not immediately go to play like his sister. He sat on the floor, bleary-eyed and fussy. He seemed to touch his stomach a lot. Was he sick from the motion, perhaps?
“Pinkie Pie, this one is getting fussy.” He called into the kitchen.
“Did you burp them, after they ate?”
“Um…”
“Put them over your shoulder and pat their backs.” Pinkie Pie instrusted.
“Well, here goes nothing.” He levitated both foals over his shoulders and patted their
backs, to which both let out tremendous burps. “Wow! Good show!” A panel of Discords appeared, each holding up a sign with the number ten on it.
“Quite impressive!” He grinned with delight, setting down the foals. “Hmm, now what to do with you?” He didn’t have long to ponder this, because just as he said it, the two began to whine and began to cry - again.
“Oh, gee!” Discord bit his talons, looking about the room with uncertainty in his mismatched eyes. “Here, Pumpkin Cake. It’s your rubber chicken toy you love so much!”
The filly regarded the toy for a brief moment, before launching into a full scale tantrum.
“What in Equestria is that smell?!” He pinched his nose. “You are smelly little devils.” This much he did know about babies. They wore diapers, and they pooped. “Pinkie Pie!” He waved a paw at the stench. “I think they need a diaper change. Can you -?”
“No! I’m baking! The foals’ diapers are in the nursery on the changing table. Be sure to use the baby powder to prevent diaper rash!” Pinkie Pie called from the corner of the kitchen.
Discord sighed. There wasn’t going to be anyway out of this. “Come on, you stinky things,” he said grudgingly. Picking them up in his magic, because he certainly wasn’t going to put his claws on them! He took them into the nursery and set both foals down on their backs, as they wiggled and squealed.
“Okay, um take the diapers off.” He grimaced, looking at the to reeking things. Wincing and muttering complaints under his breath, he removed both of the foal’s diapers, levitating them into the diaper pail. “Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Now for powder.” He put a puff onto each foal, one time shaking the container too hard, and ended up sputtering and choking on it, his face turned white with powder. Discord wiped his eyes clear and fastened a fresh diaper on Pound and Pumpkin Cake.
Upon seeing his white features, they squealed with laughter. “Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” The draconequus found himself smiling, despite himself. He set the little ponies down on the floor. “Well, how about this?” He took a bit of powder from his face, and painted a streak down each of their snouts. The twins took in the images of each other and began to giggle.
The two seemed fine for the moment, so Discord wandered down the hall to the bathroom, so that he could wash the powder off of his face. He splashed some water over himself, and conjured up a towel to dry. Suddenly, he felt a small draft over his shoulder. He thought Pinkie Pie must have come up the stairs to check on them. Darn, that mare was sneaky!
“Honestly Pinkie Pie, how in Equestria do you move so -” he turned around, but instead of Pinkie Pie, Pound Cake was hovering near him, a gobul of drool dripping down his chin. “I daresay, you almost frightened me, Pound Cake,” he said grabbing for the foal, only for him to zip away down the hall at lightning speed.
Discord peeked around the corner. “Pound Cake?”
Clip clop, clip clop! The noise came from directly above.
Craning his neck, he could see Poundcake...was he walking on the ceiling?!
“Hey! Now you get down here!” With a snap of his claws, he created a slide and glided the little colt into his grasp. “I may not know much about children, but I do know it is very dangerous to walk upside down without the proper protection!” He plopped a helmet on top of Pound Cake’s head. “There you go.” He stuck him back onto the ceiling, where the foal continues to patter along.
“Now where is your sister?” The draconequus checked back in the nursery. There she was, gnawing on the rubber chicken he could have sworn was left downstairs.
Discord turned his gaze towards the door, as he heard Pinkie scream in panic. “Young colt, you get down from that ceiling this instant!”
He chuckled and turned his gaze back to Pumpkin, well where Pumpkin had been just a moment earlier. Had been?! His claws made his way of their own accord. “Pumpkin Cake? Pumpkiiin?!” He called not too loudly. The last thing he needed was Pinkie Pie to come and investigate, only to discover that he’s failed in a task as menial as foalsitting. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he wanted to please Pinkie Pie with his works. They hadn’t had any personal bonding experiences like he and Fluttershy, but the yellow pegasus had opened up a new eagerness in him, as much as he despised to admit it. He wanted more of this friendship business.
“Pumpkiin?” He lifted the lid to the hamper. Nothing.
He searched the toybox, the crib, under the crib, the bathtub, the floorboards, the potted plants, the Cake’s room but nothing. Not a sign of the little filly anywhere. A claw found its way to the Draconequus’ forehead. “What am I going to do? How do you lose a baby?!” She could be hurt, or crying or worse! What if she actually was hurt somewhere? He had never gone out of his way to hurt anyone before. Humiliate, terrify, accidentally turn to stone perhaps, but never harm. No, not him. But if Pumpkin Cake was hurt, it would be all his fault!
SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
The sound came from directly over his shoulder. Discord craned his long neck back, only to discover a slobbered on rubber chicken, securely grasped in the gumy jaws of Pumpkin Cake, perched on one if his wings. He levitated the filly, so that she was before him.
“Pumpkin Cake! You had me worried sick. You should know better than to run off…. Well, I suppose you wouldn’t know better, you are just a foal after all. But still, if you wanted a ponyback ride, you should have just said so.” With a snap of his claws, Discord shifted into what appeared to be a Discord donkey. He brayed and galloped down the stairs, Pumpkin squealing with delight.
Pinkie Pie was playing with Pound Cake, who was no longer on the ceiling, but rather enjoying a game of Peek-a-boo. He clapped his small hooves together, whenever the pink mare uncovered her face. She looked up at him as he approached, totally unphased by the fact that he was a donkey.
He came to a halt, and Pumpkin Pie began trying to climb down from his back. He levitated her to the floor then resumed his natural form. “Pinkie, I thought you were baking?” He asked.
“I am! Everything is in the oven now! I’m all caught up now!” She beamed.
“Oh, well,” he looked a little abashed. “I guess you don’t need my help anymore then.”
“Nope!”
Discord’s ears fell. “Well, I guess I’ll be go-” He started towards the door.
Pinkie Pie cut him off. “Of course, I would enjoy your company for awhile; the twins really seem to like you, Discord.”
He was elated. Popping back over beside the twins, he sat down with them, and immediately found a small filly chomping on his tail.
“So how was foalsitting for you?” Pinkie asked, sitting across from him and being clambered on by an energetic Pound Cake.
Discord slid on a pair of shades. “Piece of cake.”
Author's Note
It's DONE. FINALLY OVER! I'm so sorry for the long delay! School projects are piling up. I hope you enjoyed it!
