"Ewww, Granny!"

by TheVClaw

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Sex, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Thunderlane, Granny Smith, Romance, Apple Bloom, Comedy
Length: 3820

Applejack discovers that her Granny has a special somepony; however, she didn't expect that somepony to be Thunderlane.

One night at Sweet Apple Acres, Apple Bloom hears strange noises in the house, and wakes up her sister for help. Because of that, Applejack and the family find out that Granny Smith isn't alone in her bedroom. Apparently, the mare found herself a special somepony; however, that pony isn't anyone that they would've ever expected.

Edit 6/19/20: Woooo, I got featured on Equestria Daily!

I want to thank Zyrian and Furion for proofreading this drunken idea of mine. Also, you can listen to an audio recording of the story here, as done by Voiceguy.

Published 2014-09-24 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-24 01:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

While Luna's moon shone brightly in the night sky of Equestria, Sweet Apple Acres was sitting peacefully in slumber. However, while the outside of the farm was shrouded in calm serenity and silence, the inside of the Apple Family's home wasn't exactly as quiet.

Even though everypony was supposed to be asleep, a little yellow filly nervously walked down the darkened upstairs hallway. With her ears perked up in fear from hearing the ominous noises behind her, Apple Bloom picked up her pace as she reached her older sister's bedroom. Choosing not to knock, the filly hurriedly made her way inside and galloped up to Applejack's bed.

The orange mare laid sprawled-out on top of her covers, snoring loud enough to compete with the pigs outside. It took several jabs from Apple Bloom's hooves to get her to stir awake.

"Applejack… Applejack?"

"Mph!" Applejack rolled herself away from her sister's voice, still asleep as she muttered under her breath, "Of course not… Discord ain't ma type…"

"Applejack!" blurted Apple Bloom in a more distressed tone as she tried to get her up. "Applejack, wake up!"

"Wh- wha?" Finally coming back to consciousness, the groggy mare looked over at her sister with half-lidded eyes. "App… Apple Bloom, what is it?"

Even though she was just barely awake, the uneasy look Apple Bloom had was enough for her sister to realise that this was serious.

"Sis, Ah think there's a ghost in the house!"

Applejack took a second to process her sister's worry, and quickly rolled her eyes before plopping back down on the bed. "That's nice, sugar-cube. Go back ta sleep."

"But ah mean it!" cried the filly in a wide-eyed panic. She jumped up onto the bed and started to repeatedly shake the mare with her hooves. "Ah keep hearin' a bunch of cries and moanin', and it's scarin' me, AJ!"

Applejack gave off a deep groan while her face was buried in the pillow. Not wanting to deal with this sort of thing so late, the mare slowly sighed in frustration before replying to her sister. "What kind of moanin'?"

"Well…" Apple Bloom looked back out to the open doorway, seeing the hallway just outside. Remembering what she heard, the pony shuddered a little before turning back to Applejack.

"I kept hearin' all these strange moans through ma wall, like 'Mmmm' and 'Oh yeah', and it's really scary!"

As soon as she heard her sister say the words “Oh Yeah”, Applejack quickly rose back up from her pillow with a serious look on her face. The mare turned to Apple Bloom, giving her a cross stare. "Are ya bein' serious right now?"

Apple Bloom nodded firmly. "Yeah! It sounds like a couple of ghosts are in the house!"

Applejack may have been half-awake, but she was still able to piece together what must've really been going on. "Oh, for cryin' out loud…" grumbled the mare under her breath as she got herself out of bed. "Ah swear, Mac promised that he wouldn't be doin' that in this house…"

While Apple Bloom followed closely from behind, slightly confused as to what Applejack was referring, the orange mare went out to the hallway to confront her brother. Even though she didn't want to think Big Macintosh would be foolish enough to try bringing a mare back home while the family was there, it was the only conclusion she could come to at the time.

Applejack banged on Mac's door loudly with her hoof. "MAC!" shouted the mare, angrily. "Mac, you better not be doin' what Ah think you're doin'!"

"Sis, why are ya knockin' at his door?" asked Apple Bloom with a confused look on her face.

Applejack looked back at her younger sister. "Ya said that ya heard moanin'!"

"Well, yeah," replied the filly with a crooked brow, and pointed a hoof out further down the hallway, "but I heard it from over there."

Applejack's eyes widened a little in unease, and she slowly looked over to the direction her sister was pointing. Aside from the bathroom, there was only one other room down that part of the hallway, and that was Granny Smith's bedroom.

Slowly, Applejack realized that she could hear faint moaning from over there as well.

"Mmmmmmmm…"

Applejack's jaw dropped a bit, and she blinked a couple times in confusion. Even though she thought she knew what was happening, the fact that it was coming from her grandmother's room was making the mare think otherwise.

No way, Applejack thought to herself, hoping to keepany unneeded thoughts from creeping into her conscience. There's no way! Granny ain't doin'--

Before Applejack could say or do anything, the door she was in front of opened, revealing a rather angered Big Macintosh glaring down at his sister. His tired eyes narrowed on her; he didn’t need to say anything to indicate that he didn't appreciate being woken up this late.

Because of the noises she was hearing, it took a second for Applejack to realize her brother was staring at her. Turning back to the now open door, the mare jolted a little out of surprise. "GAH!"

Big Mac remained silent, letting his irate glare speak for itself. However, before Applejack could say anything, an even louder noise came from down the hall.

"Ooooooohhh…"

Big Mac's ears perked up, and he turned to the same direction the other two were looking. "What was that?"

"Aaaaahhhh!" Granny Smith's voice cried out in a soft shriek from behind her door. "I'm gonna… I'm gonna--"

"Granny's in trouble!" shouted Apple Bloom in horror. "We gotta stop the ghost!"

Big Mac quickly rushed over to Granny's door, only having paid attention to Apple Bloom's first statement. If Granny Smith was in trouble, then he wasn't just going to stand by.

The large red stallion turned his back to the door, ready to buck it open while more shrill cries emanated from inside.

"MAC!" shouted Applejack as she put her hooves up to stop him. She might not be a bookworm like Twilight, but the farm pony knew enough to discern what might really be going on. "Wait a second! Don't open the--"

CRASH!!!

Due to his strength from years spent in the orchard, Big Macintosh broke open Granny's door in one buck like it was nothing. But as soon as the stallion rushed into Granny's room, it didn't take long to hear how quickly his demeanor changed.

"Granny! What's-- AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Giving off a surprisingly high-pitched scream, Big Macintosh stumbled back from Granny Smith's bedroom with a mortified expression, his coat several shades paler than it was when he entered.

Granny cried out from inside, "Close the gat-dang door, Mac!"

Macintosh's jaw hung open, quivering in disgust as he stood in a frozen state. After giving off a strong shudder, Mac quickly reached in and pulled the door shut. Even though it didn't close all the way (mostly due to it being broken now), it was enough for the stallion to run off into the bathroom and vomit.

Applejack made sure her sister was going to stay still, and slowly walked up to Granny's door. While Big Mac could be heard heaving from the toilet, the orange mare cautiously knocked on Granny's slightly ajar door. "G-Granny?"

"Wha- What is it?!" Granny appeared at the gap of the doorway with an angry look on her blushed face. Her white mane, which was usually tied up in a bun with a hairnet, was now hung down past her shoulders, with several strands matted to her green fur from sweat. Her eyes narrowed on her granddaughter before saying bluntly, "Applejack, this better be important."

"Uhhh…" Even though she almost felt guilty for some reason, one glance back at Apple Bloom made the mare give off a huff before turning back to Granny. "Well… Apple Bloom woke me up saying that she heard a lot of moanin' from yer room!"

Granny Smith's orange eyes widened a little, and her face blushed a tad deeper out of embarrassment. "Uhhh… well…"

The voice of a stallion came from inside Granny Smith's room. "Is everything alright?"

Applejack's head shot back a little in surprise, not expecting to hear another voice in her room. More than that, she was surprised when the voice sounded so… young. Even though she couldn't put her hoof on it, the mare could've sworn she knew that stallion's voice from somewhere.

"Erp!" Granny's head went back into the room before saying in a harsh whisper, "Be quiet! They don't know yet!"

"Know what yet?!" barked Applejack wide-eyed as she stood outside Granny's room. When the older mare looked back out from in her bedroom, she saw her granddaughter giving an irritated stare at her. "Just what in the hay is goin' on?! Who is that?!"

"Uh, n-nothin'," said Granny defensively, making sure her door was closed enough to keep Applejack from peeping inside. She then raised her voice while pulling her head back slightly, all while keeping her eyes glued on Applejack. "There ain't nuthin' goin' on in here! I'm alone!"

The mare then made a quick glance back into her room for a second before turning back to Applejack. While Granny kept an innocent look on her face, the voice from earlier spoke up from behind her. "Uhhh… yeah! No one else is here! I'm… I'm a ghost! Uhh… OoooooOOOOooooOOOO…"

Apple Bloom screamed in a panic, and ran back into her room before slamming the door. "Save yerselves!"

Applejack groaned in frustration, her stare on her grandmother now more angry than before. "Oh, great! Now she thinks there's ghosts in the house!"

Granny's head turned away slightly in guilt. Even though she usually wasn't the kind of mare to look defeated, she wasn't exactly in the best position right now. Keeping her stance outside her door, Applejack's eyes narrowed on Granny before speaking bluntly. "Now, ya mind tellin' me what's goin' on here? Do ya…"

Even though she didn't want to ask this question, mostly for her own sake, Applejack knew that she needed to know for sure. She winced a little before finishing her statement. "Do ya have a… coltfriend?"

Granny's lip pouted slightly, obviously not wanting to answer her granddaughter. However, since Big Mac already saw what was going on (and was still hurling in the bathroom over it), Granny Smith closed her eyes and sighed in defeat. "Oh… Fine!"

Her head sank back inside of her bedroom, and her voice could be heard speaking to the figure inside. "The jig is up. We might as well tell 'em"

The stallion's voice from inside replied in a hesitant tone. "Ummm… I'm kinda still … up for attention…"

Applejack turned her head away from the door, grimacing a bit at what she just heard. "Oh, come on! Ah didn't need ta hear that!"

"Just cover yerself wit' the blanket!" hissed Granny from the other side of the door.

"Umph! Ah… alright…" The sounds of fabric rustling around could be heard from inside for a moment before his voice reemerged. "O-okay… I think I'm good."

"Alright, then…" After a couple seconds of silence, Granny Smith reappeared at the doorway, biting her lip in worry before giving a motion with her hoof. "Ya mind steppin' back a bit? We kinda… have some stuff in here that ya prob'ly shouldn't see."

Applejack rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Oh, come on! Ah don't think tha--"

"Listen ta her!" bellowed out Big Macintosh from the bathroom, his voice coming out hoarse as he kept himself by the toilet. "Ya don't wanna see!"

"Oh!" Granny turned her head over to the bathroom before replying in a huff, "Quit bein' such a drama queen! Ah know it ain't the first time ya saw two ponies like that!"

"But not YOU! Uggghhhh…" Mac's groan went on a few seconds from inside the bathroom, before the sounds of more vomiting could be heard from the hallway.

Reluctantly, Applejack took one glance back at her grandmother before deciding to agree. She took several steps back from the doorway, making sure she wasn't in direct view of the inside of the bedroom. Slowly, Granny Smith stepped out into the hallway, keeping the door behind her closed while she had a knitted blanket wrapped around her midsection.

Soon, the door reopened slightly, revealing who was inside with her. Seeing the stallion who was with her grandmother, Applejack's jaw dropped in shock.

"Th… THUNDERLANE?!"

Seeing how surprised she looked, the dark grey Pegasus gave a nervous smile as he stood beside Granny Smith timidly. Much like the mare, the stallion had a blanket wrapped around himself as well, which was just a slightly deeper shade of red than the blush on his cheeks. His white and light-blue mane, which was usually in a well-combed Mohawk, was now slightly ruffled with strands hanging over his amber eyes.

Looking between both of them, Applejack's disgusted stare became more apparent as her face scrunched in. "Oh… Ew- EEEEWWWWW!!!"

"Aw, quit yer belly-achin'!" retorted Granny with a roll of her eyes. "Ah ain't dead yet! Ah can’t stay by myself forever!"

"Yeah, but…" Seeing who she was with, Applejack gave off a strong shudder through gritted teeth. "Why are ya wit' him?!"

Granny gave a confused stare, taking a glance over at Thunderlane before turning back to her. "Whad'ya mean? He's a cutie!"

Thunderlane blushed with more intensity and a dorky smile as he looked away. Granny kept her smirk as she continued with a growing blush of her own.

"Plus, it's hard for me ta think of anypony with stamina as good as his! Even after a few hours, he's still abl--"

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!" shouted Applejack in irritation, throwing her hooves around to stop Granny's words before clarifying, "NO! Ah mean, why are ya with… him?! Why ain't 'cha wit' somepony yer own age?"

Granny expression quickly turned to a disgusted sneer. "Eugh!"

"Whad'ya mean, 'Eugh'?! Ah'm bein' serious!"

"AJ," began Granny bluntly with a skewed brow, "have ya seen some of the stallions around who are the same age as me? They're all frail and wrinkly! And they need, like, twenty different pills before doin' anything physical wit' em!"

"UGH!" Applejack clenched her eyes shut and looked away from her, disgusted.

"Exactly!" Granny then wrapped a hoof around Thunderlane's shoulder, holding him close as she continued. "Ah don't have the patience for none of that nonsense, so Ah picked somepony who's a bit younger."

Applejack looked back at Granny wide-eyed. "A BIT?!? Granny, he's younger than Mac!"

Granny Smith shrugged her shoulders a little. "Eh. Only by a couple months. He's still over the age of consent."

"But still!" Looking between then, the mare wasn't sure what else she could say. "Don'cha think the age difference is a little too much?!"

"Well, little missy," snapped Granny back at her as she nuzzled the stallion beside her, "Ah ain't hearin' no complaints from Lannie about this, so zip it!"

"Lannie?!" Applejack turned her bemused stare to Thunderlane, who was keeping his smile while standing beside Granny. "Thunderlane, you… you're… You're seriously okay with this?!"

Thunderlane nodded with a smirk, looking a bit more giddy with Granny Smith nuzzling his side. Meanwhile, Applejack just stood with an increasingly disturbed look on her face. “Well, y-yeah," answered the Pegasus. "I mean, age is just a number, AJ.”

Applejack’s repulsed expression didn’t falter a bit, and was at a temporary loss for words while her jaw hung agape. "How… How did this happen?!"

"Well…" Thunderlane looked back to Granny smith as he explained. "I wanted to get some pointers for swimming techniques before the next Equestria Games, and Smithy here happened to be quite the expert in aquatic exercise."

Applejack's face turned to a puzzled sneer. "…'Smithy'?!"

"And, well…" Thunderlane's smile became more content when Granny Smith grinned back at him. "One thing led to another, and… We've kinda been seeing each other for about a month now."

"A MONTH?!" exclaimed the orange mare in a stunned state.

"I mean…" Thunderlane's smile looked a little more embarrassed as he continued to explain to Applejack. "I never expected this sort of thing to happen either, but she really is a great mare! She's funny, honest, incredibly smart…" He then turned back to Granny Smith, keeping his enchanted smile as he finished. "… And she's one of the sweetest gals I've ever had the pleasure to know."

Granny Smith giggled with a growing blush. "He he he… c'mere, you…"

With a flattered grin, Granny didn’t hesitate to plant a kiss on the Pegasus's lips. While Thunderlane kissed her back with a light moan, Applejack shuddered once more, looking legitimately creeped-out by their display.

She didn't plan to say anything, but that changed as soon as she saw their tongues begin to move into each other's mouths.

"EeeEEEwwwwWWWwww!" Applejack clenched her eyes shut and waved her hooves around in a panic. "Stopitstopitstopitstopit!!!"

Granny Smith groaned a little while her lips were still pressed against Thunderlane's, and pulled back to glare at her granddaughter. "Oh, stop bein' such a sour grape! At least Ah'm actually seein' somepony!"

Applejack's eyes widened, looking quite offended by that statement. "And what's THAT supposed ta mean?!"

"Ah'm just sayin'," said Granny in a more authoritative tone of voice, "is that Ah ain't pesterin' ya for any ponies YOU'RE datin'!"

"Ah ain't datin' nopony!"

"Exactly," said the older mare bluntly. "Maybe you should take care of that before ya start judgin' me! It ain't ma fault yer too nervous ta try askin' that Rainbow Dash out on a date!"

"WHAT?!" snapped Applejack in a sudden burst of anger. "Granny, Ah am NOT--"

"And if you were datin' somepony," interrupted Granny Smith as she kept talking, "Ah certainly wouldn't be hasslin' you about it! You should just come outta the stable already and ask her!"

"GRANNY!" shouted the orange mare, feeling her nerves coming close to snapping in half. "Can we PLEASE just bring the subject back ta you?!"

"Why should I?" said Granny defensively. "Ah already said everything that Ah needed ta say!"

"But don'cha think this is a bit sudden?! This is kind of a lot to process!"

Closing her eyes, Granny sighed before giving a tired stare to her granddaughter. "AJ, we both know that Ah ain't in ma prime."

"I have to disagree," added Thunderlane with a smirk on his muzzle.

"He he… Thanks," muttered Granny with a smile before redirecting her attention towards Applejack, "But as Ah was sayin', we know that Ah won't be here forever."

Applejack's eyes widened in surprise, not wanting this discussion to move in this direction. "Oh, Granny! You shouldn't be sayin' things like tha--"

"We both know it's true," interrupted the green mare, bluntly, "and Ah'd rather not spend the time I have left alone and witherin' away!"

Realizing what she was getting at, Applejack's stance began to lessen a little out of understanding. Meanwhile, Thunderlane wrapped a wing around Granny Smith as she continued.

"Ah know this might be a bit surprisin' to ya, but Lannie here makes me happy! He's understanding, kind, gentle, and has a tongue longer than most of the snakes--"

"GAAAAHHH!!!" Applejack quickly turned away, seeming absolutely revolted by that last detail. "Granny!"

"Sorry, sorry," replied Granny as she quickly shook her hoof to stop herself. "That was a bit much, Ah'm sorry."

She then put her hoof back around Thunderlane before adding, "But Ah'm just makin' a point! This is the happiest Ah've been in a good while, and Ah'd rather not have my own family try messin' with me because of it."

Even though Applejack's head was still turned away from them because of that tongue comment, her expression was still a lot softer than it was before. This may have been one of the oddest things she'd had to wake up to, but she also knew that Granny wasn't lying one bit. When she took one glance back at them, Applejack could really see how happy her grandmother looked with that stallion by her side.

Knowing that she couldn't say anything against this with a good conscience, the orange mare sighed in defeat. "Hmmm… well… Ah guess you have a point there."

Granny nodded firmly. "Darn tootin'!"

Even though she didn't know what to think of this couple, Applejack knew what she had to say, and swallowed her pride before speaking towards Granny Smith. "Ah mean… if ya really are happy with… him." One glance at Thunderlane made the mare shudder a little before continuing. "Then… Ah suppose there's no reason for me to be judgin' ya. We're all adults here."

Thunderlane's smile grew a little bigger, nodding to Applejack as well. "Thanks, AJ."

"Now, if you excuse us…" Granny Smith began to make her way back into her bedroom, pulling Thunderlane along to follow her. "Ah think it'd be best for Lannie an' I ta get back ta our own 'adult business'…"

Applejack's jaw dropped, not heeding Granny Smith's cackles as she went back into her bedroom. "Wait, WHAT?!"

"You heard me," said the mare bluntly with one last glance back out to the hallway. "Even a ripe Apple still likes a nibble. We're all adults here, remember?"

"Oh, come on!" pleaded Applejack, while Thunderlane made his way back into the bedroom with a randy grin. "That ain't fair, Granny! Ah don't wanna hear you two gettin' gross!"

"Just zip yer lip, Missy!" scolded the older mare as she pointed a wrinkled hoof at Applejack. "You might not be a filly anymore, but Ah'll still spank ya if you interrupt me again!"

Thunderlane's voice could be heard from inside, "Awwww…I thought that was our thing."

"EWWWW!!!"

"He he he…" Granny Smith's head went back inside her bedroom, as her voice could be heard from inside. "Don'cha worry, Zippy… Ah ain't forgettin' 'bout you…"

With that, the door to Granny Smith's bedroom closed, leaving Applejack alone outside with a disgusted look on her face. As soon as she started to hear the "ghost" sounds again. the orange mare shuddered strongly before walking away. "That's it!" muttered Applejack under her breath, "Ah'm sleepin' downstairs!"

For the rest of the night, none of the Apple family could sleep that well. Aside from Granny Smith, the other Apples had a restless night, admittedly for different reasons.

For Apple Bloom, she was huddled by the corner of her bed with her door properly barricaded, not wanting the ghosts to get her as well.

For Applejack, she was barely able to get a comfortable position on the living room couch. Of course, that was better than risking hearing her grandmother doing Equestria-knows-what upstairs.

And for Big Mac, who was still in front of the toilet in the bathroom, it would be a very… VERY long time before he could ever look at a swing the same way again.

The End