The Spirit's Claws are Chaotic Playthings
In which Spike does a deal with Discord
Author's Note
"Loosely" based on the Futurama episode 'The Robot Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings' and a sort of sequel to my story 'Chaosland is Other Ponies'. Again, I have put in the song, and I'm hoping it turned alright. Enjoy!
In which Spike does a deal with Discord
Heating spells based upon conduction and convection are very susceptible to adverse side effects. For this reason, most unicorns prefer the radiation heat spell, although this also can be dangerous if used directly near other living organisms. Great focus is key to providing pure heat waves...
Twilight stopped reading Basics of Thermodynamic Magics as she heard the sound again. A high-pitched phoo accompanied by inharmonious twanging. Resigning herself to the fact she wasn't going to enjoy her light late-night reading until this had been thoroughly investigated, she rose from her bed and followed the intrusive noise, readying her horn in case the source proved to be unfriendly.
She was led to Spike's door. Her uneasiness grew to alarm and she threw open the door to see the baby dragon standing in front of a music stand, his face screwed in concentration and a peculiar instrument in his claws. It resembled a glass clarinet with several additional holes and buttons along the body, and a guitar's sound hole and strings attached on its underside. Spike's claws were rapidly racing across the instrument, covering holes, pressing buttons and plucking the strings, all while he was desperately puffing into the mouthpiece. The sound produced...wasn't pleasant.
"Spike?" said Twilight, confused.
Spike choked in surprise and turned to Twilight. "Oh, hey. Still up?" He quickly hid the instrument behind his back.
"Is that a...clarilin?"
"Err, no. What would I be doing with a clarilin?" answered Spike, his eyes darting back and forth.
Twilight raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for the truth. Spike soon gave in.
"I just thought it would be nice to play an instrument. I read in one of your books that it can increase brain power."
"So why not take piano, or guitar? The clarilin is considered to be the most difficult instrument to play. Only species with a huge amount of dexterity or incredibly precise magic could ever hope to have a chance with that thing."
"I'm dextrous," said Spike, wiggling his digits.
"Yes, but...even then it's extremely complicated."
"Tell me about it," he grumbled softly.
"So, why pick it?"
Spike sighed heavily. "You know a couple of weeks ago, when we were at Rarity's, and she kept going on about that musician?"
"You mean Concerto?"
"Yeah. She kept saying how he was a musical genius, how he revealed the beauty of his soul through his music and all that mushy stuff."
"You know she isn't interested in him anymore, right?"
"I know. But it got me thinking. I don't think I can ever tell Rarity how I feel, but maybe I can express it with music. I've been taking lessons from Miss Treble. The clarilin is the toughest instrument out there, but it's also the most beautiful if played right."
"Concerto played the clarilin, didn't he?"
"I know what you're gonna say. I'm too young. She does love me, but as a friend. But I still want to show her how I feel. I want to...make her happy."
He hesitantly looked up at Twilight to see her smiling compassionately at him. She sighed softly.
"OK. I won't mention it again."
"Actually, since you know now... There's this recital tomorrow afternoon for Miss Treble's students. Maybe you could swing by?"
"So you didn't take tomorrow off for a deep scale clean?"
Spike smiled sheepishly. "Err...no."
"Of course I'll be there," said Twilight, hugging him. "Now get some rest."
"Thanks, and I will."
Twilight left the room and shut the door gently behind her. She stood just outside for a moment to make sure he wasn't going to continue practising. When she was satisfied, she went back to her own room, feeling proud of her assistant for taking on such a daunting task, though slightly concerned for his performance tomorrow if his latest one was anything to go by.
The next afternoon, Twilight and Spike were making their way to the music school, the latter nervously fidgeting with his instrument. The clacking made Twilight's ears twitch uncomfortably, but she didn't call him out on it. The music school itself was a decent size house just on the edge of town decorated with pink carnations and honeysuckle gracefully climbing the walls. A highly polished sign was situated above the front door which read: 'Miss Treble's Music Academy. An actual reason for you to brag about your child.'
Inside the house the decor was mainly expensive but comfortable. The walls were covered with a pink floral pattern and there was an overpowering aroma of violets. In the spacious living room were several cushions arranged in rows on the floor in front of a music stand. Along the far wall was a line of chairs where foals were sitting, holding various instruments and scanning their music sheets. Their family and friends had already settled themselves onto the cushions and were chatting amongst themselves. A table at the back held a tea set and some cakes.
A light brown unicorn with almost white hair trotted over to greet her new guests.
"Ah! You must be Princess Twilight Sparkle. Spike has told me a lot about you." She had a very grand voice which wavered occasionally. "I do hope you realise I don't give special treatment to those linked to royalty."
Twilight blinked. "I'm glad you don't," she replied, attempting to put some sort of cheeriness in the conversation.
"Sit yourself down, Spike," Miss Treble said to the dragon. He joined the other students in the chairs.
The recital soon began. One by one the children would come up to the music stand and play a piece on their instrument, sometimes accompanied by Miss Treble on the piano situated just to the side. Some performed better than others, however there were no unpleasant performances. The only other student to play the clarilin was a unicorn colt that had the sort of face that seemed incapable of smiling. His frown was only broken with his desperate puffing as he played his instrument, his magic struggling to work all the buttons and strings in time. Nonetheless, he produced a definite tune and most of the harmonies were painless.
Spike was last. He nervously walked to the stand, set his music down and flicked to the correct page. He cleared his throat. "I'm Spike, and today I'll be playing 'The Happy Donkey'."
He coughed again and started playing. What was supposed to be a simple, joyful melody was instead a series of sour notes and wrong chords. The entire audience cringed and flattened their ears, which Spike was unable to see as his eyes were screwed shut in concentration. The piece finally ended with a high pitched squeal which lasted a bit too long. Spike panted heavily, trying to get his breath back, looking up when he heard one set of hooves clapping.
"Woo, Spike!" cheered Twilight, wearing a huge, forced smile.
"Princess Twilight," said Miss Treble, standing up, "I'm sorry, but I cannot teach this dragon any longer. He lacks the appropriate means to play this instrument, and I'm certain he always will."
"He just needs more practice," replied Twilight. "He works hard, and I'm sure if-"
"Practice is no good if he does not possess the natural ability," Miss Treble interjected.
"Fine. I don't want Spike learning from somepony who doesn't believe in him." Twilight marched over to Spike and led him to the door. "And you can forget about the royal funding for your summer concert you applied for," she added as they left the building.
Twilight was quietly fuming so much that she didn't look at or speak to Spike as they walked back to the castle. Eventually Spike spoke up.
"I'm sorry."
Twilight swung her head around in surprise. "Huh? What are you sorry for?"
"If I was only good at the clarilin, or not taken it up in the first place. I looked like an idiot." Spike lowered his head in shame.
"Spike, wanting to play an instrument isn't a bad thing. I'm proud that you would take on something like that. You just need more practice, or maybe try a different instrument."
"Yeah, I guess," replied Spike sadly.
They entered the castle and went into the throne room where they found Rarity and Pinkie Pie in their respective seats. They stopped their chatter when they saw Twilight and Spike. The dragon quickly hid the clarilin behind his back.
"Ah, there you are, darling," said Rarity, producing a simple gown. "I've mended your dress and I took the liberty of adding a few little touches."
"Thanks, Rarity," Twilight took the dress and turned to Pinkie. "What brings you here, Pinkie?"
"I've made some cupcakes using a new recipe and wanted an honest opinion," Pinkie Pie answered, putting her wares on the table. "I went to see Applejack, but she was busy on the farm, so I went to look for Rainbow Dash, but she was taking a nap, and she's real cranky when she's woken from a nap, so I'm came here to see you." She shoved a cupcake into Twilight's face. "Go on!"
Twilight inspected the cake for a second then took a bite. Her eyes widened in shock and she put a hoof to her mouth as she gagged.
"Can you taste the chilli peppers? I hope I put enough in."
Pinkie's questioned went unanswered as Twilight ran out of the room.
"Thank goodness I declined," muttered Rarity. "So Spike, where were you and Twilight just now?"
"Oh-er-we were-er-at a musical recital," Spike stuttered, not able to come up with a lie quick enough.
"Musical recital? How charming. A princess event I suppose. Ahh, music," she sighed. "I know I've said it before, but it truly is the language of love." She become aware of her dream-like state. "I suppose I'm still a little hung up on that clarilin player. Or his music, at least. I'd best be off. I have other clients waiting. Say goodbye to Twilight for me, will you?" She made her way to the exit, giving Spike a friendly pat on the head as she passed him. "Goodbye, Pinkie!"
"Bye, Rarity!" Pinkie Pie waved at Rarity's back. As soon as he door closed, Pinkie Pie turned to Spike. "So, why is your clarilin making you sad?"
"Huh?" said Spike, shocked. "What are you talking about? I'm not sad. There's no clarilin."
"Then what's this?" asked Pinkie, grabbing the instrument from behind Spike's back.
"Err..."
Pinkie Pie blinked at him expectantly.
Spike sighed. "I wanted to learn to play the clarilin so I could impress Rarity, but I'm no good. I know how to play it, I just...can't."
"Hmm." Pinkie put a hoof to her mouth as she thought. "You need a special something to help you play the clarilin. Maybe a spell, something a little crazy." Her eyes widened as an idea popped into her head. "I think I know who can help you."
Deep underground, just a mile or so from the bottomless pit, Chaosland was taking a break from its corrective torture while its ruler repaired the clockwork bandstand.
"There we go," said Discord in an oil stained workman's overall, moving away from the contraption. "Let's see if that works."
He gave the machine a slight tap and it wearily woke up. It managed to play a few bars of 'When the colts go marching in' before the conductor's head flew off and smashed into the wall. Bright yellow mushrooms rapidly grew at the place of impact.
"Hmm," Discord mused. "I must've overdone it on the grapefruit."
He heard some yells behind emitting from the brass tube slides that connected his world to the one above. Out of the hole fell Pinkie Pie and Spike, landing in a tangled heap.
"Ahh, Pinkie Pie," Discord greeted, poofing away the overall and moving towards his guests. "Back for more chaotic torment?"
Pinkie stood up and trotted happily over. "Actually, Spike wants something from you. Come on, Spike. Ask him!"
"You were the one who brought me here," replied Spike, joining Pinkie and warily scanning his new surroundings.
"Oh yeah! Discord, could you help Spike get really good at the clarilin?"
"Hmm." Discord bent over Spike and snapped on a pair of doctor's gloves. "Let's see." He prised open Spike's mouth and had a rummage around, pulling out a half-eaten ruby. He then closed the mouth and examined the claws. "I'm afraid you're problem is these things. They're far too small for the clarilin."
"Well, I'm a small dragon, so it makes sense that-"
Spike was interrupted as a bar of soap was shoved into his mouth.
"Do not use that sort of language here," said Discord indignantly.
"So, can you help him?" asked Pinkie.
Discord thought for a moment. "Well, I could replace his claws with something else. We'll spin the Wheel of Species, and then I'll take a random member of that species and swap their appendages with yours. So, you could get a griffon's talons, a monkey's paws, a unicorn's horn...you get the picture." The wheel appeared just behind him, split into several sections each labelled with a different species. "Actually, the wheel's old." He snapped his fingers and the wheel was replaced with a large paddling pool filled with rubber ducks floating on the water. They all had a small metal ring attached to their heads.
Spike gave a confused look to the pool and then turned back to Discord. "What about the other guy? I don't think they'd be happy losing their claws for mine."
Discord waved off the concern. "Don't worry, I won't leave them empty handed." He smirked at his little joke. "Just sign this contract and we'll get started." A sheet of paper and quill floated in front of Spike.
"Well ..." Spike looked at his hands. An image of Rarity's beaming face came into his mind. "OK. I'll give it a go." He took the quill and signed the contract.
"Splendid!" Discord snapped the contract away and handed Spike a small fishing rod. "Make your pick."
Spike took the rod and began to fish for the ducks. As soon as the hook neared the rings, a current formed in the pool, carrying the ducks around at incredible speed. Spike was fazed for a second, but then told himself he wasn't going to be put off (though Pinkie Pie's cheering was hard to ignore). He swung the hook this way and that, and was soon rewarded for his efforts.
"Woohoo! Go Spike!" yelled Pinkie.
Spike reeled in the captured duck and took it off the hook. He took a breath before turning it upside-down to reveal the word:
"Draconequus?"
"Draconequus?" repeated Pinkie, looking up at Discord, confused. "But aren't you the only one?"
"What?!" Discord snatched the duck and studied the writing.
"I...get your claws?" said Spike, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.
Discord put a hand to his forehead and moaned dramatically. "Oh, to be the last of your species!"
"There were more of you?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"No. I just pretend sometimes to play the sympathy card. Are you sure you want to play the clarilin? I can give you fiddle lessons."
"Hey, we made a deal!"
"Yeah, buster!" agreed Pinkie Pie.
Discord growled angrily. "Oooh, curse Celestia's community service!" Trapped and resigned, he produced a very wobbly saw. "Let's get this over with."
Spike's eyes followed the saw's movements. "Is this going to hurt?"
"Don't worry. I'll be perfectly fine," replied Discord, cheering up slightly.
"Actually, I meant..."
Before Spike could voice his concern, his hands were suddenly strapped to a bench that appeared in front of him. He looked up to see Discord bringing the saw down to his wrists, and quickly shut his eyes.
The pain he was expecting never came. He cautiously opened his eyes to see that not only were his limbs now free, they were completely different. His forearms were their usual purple, scaly selves, but his hands had been replaced with an eagle's claw and a lion's paw.
"Woah," breathed Spike, gazing at his new claws. "This'll take some getting used to, but now I can finally impress Rarity! Ow!" The claws took this moment to bang Spike's head like a bongo drum.
"Yes, they sometimes do that," said Discord, looking over his new claws in disgust.
Back at Twilight's castle, the rest of the council had gathered to discuss the absence of Pinkie Pie and Spike. Fortunately a few minutes into the conversation the earth pony and dragon entered the room.
"Hey everypony!" said Spike, cheerfully. "We're back from Chaosland, and I have Discord's claws to prove it!"
Twilight screamed as she saw what had happened to her assistant. Rarity fainted in her chair and Fluttershy kept opening her mouth and closing it. Applejack and Rainbow Dash's faces were a mix of confusion and revulsion.
"Pinkie!" shouted Twilight when she had regained herself slightly. "How could you let Spike...Spike..." She looked as though she was about to follow Rarity's suit.
"It's OK, Twilight," reassured Spike. "I mean, it feels kinda weird, but you get used to it."
Twilight’s horror turned into anger. “We are going back to Discord right now and fixing this!"
"No, Twilight!" Spike stopped her journey to the front door and instead led her to a side chamber. "Please. This may be my only chance to learn how to play the clarilin and impress Rarity. I need this." He looked up at her with wide, pleading eyes.
Twilight held her stern look for a while, then sighed. "If you can convince me by tomorrow morning that this was worth it, then I'll let you decide what you do with them."
"Can I have a week?"
"Three days."
"Five days."
"Fine."
She flinched as he wrapped his arms around her. "Thanks, Twilight. I won't let you regret this."
Twilight was still unconvinced, but kept her thoughts to herself. They both turned their heads as they heard a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," said Spike, running to the door. "It'll give me a chance to show off these babies."
Twilight started to say something, but then sighed and returned to the council room.
Spike elegantly opened the front door and started to greet the visitor. He stopped when he saw who the visitor was.
"Ahh, good afternoon, Spike," said Discord, smiling politely. "I was just wondering if our little deal is going as well as you hoped."
"Well, actually I haven't really had a chance to find out," Spike replied. "Pinkie and I only just got back."
"Oh, yes, well, I like to make sure that my clients are completely satisfied and if not to step in as soon as possible-oh! I can't stand it anymore!" He dropped down to Spike's level in a begging position. "Please give me back my claws! These things are so puny and demeaning!"
"Sorry, but we made a deal," said Spike, crossing his arms. "I'm keeping these until they've done what I want."
Discord narrowed his eyes and rose from the ground. "Give me back my claws or else-!"
"Discord? Is that you?"
They both turned their attention to Fluttershy who was standing at the door.
Discord immediately dropped his intimidation stance. "Oh! Fluttershy. I-I was just checking in on my client."
Fluttershy smiled back at him. "That's nice. I was just about to do some shopping. Would you like to tag along? The market stalls always seem to give me good rates when you're with me."
"I'd be delighted to," replied Discord, giving a small bow. As Fluttershy began her journey towards town, Discord threw one angry glare at Spike before following her.
As soon as the draconequus was out of sight, Spike relaxed. He knew Discord could never hurt him with Fluttershy around. Still, he decided he would best be wary, and start seeing if the deal was worth it.
From the moment Spike first played the clarilin again, he knew that the deal was the best decision of his life. Sure, he looked unbelievably weird with his new mismatched hands that were far too big for him and would attack him when he wasn't paying attention, but he could finally create a discernible tune. His fingers glided deftly along the instrument as if it was their sole reason for existing. Even Twilight had difficulty feeling uneasy when she heard his sweet music.
He returned to Miss Treble's academy once more to give a special performance for his former classmates and teacher. Miss Treble apologised for dismissing him and offered to take him on again, which Spike politely declined. Octavia Melody, who happened to be present, congratulated him on creating such beautiful sounds and gave him advice on how to share his talent with the wider community.
Soon, Spike was inundated with requests to play at special events in and around Ponyville. The Cakes gave him free reign of Sugarcube Corner in return for providing live music, Pinkie Pie always asked him to play at her parties and he would often perform with the Pony Tones at their shows. Word quickly spread about the young dragon and his clarilin, and he received invitations to take part in numerous small concerts in Canterlot. In the space of three weeks he had become a musical celebrity, so much so that most of the visitors to the castle were asking for his autograph rather than friendship advice.
Occasionally Discord would pop out from cupboards or Spike's comic books and beg for his claws back. Fortunately Spike had made a habit of keeping within hearing distance of Twilight or Fluttershy in case these conversations got too aggressive. These moments always ended with Spike firmly refusing to go back on the deal and Discord sulkily leaving. Spike grew in confidence with each confrontation, and he often mused why he was so scared of Discord in the first place.
Rarity was also giving Spike extra attention. When he wasn't too busy he would go to her Boutique and play a few songs while she worked, though this lessened as she made frequent visits to the castle just so she could listen to him, sometimes bringing her work with her. She never missed one of his performances, and made him numerous outfits for them.
Then came the day of his biggest opportunity yet. Spike was resting in his room, recovering from the concert organised by Fancy Pants the night before, when Twilight and the Mayor of Ponyville entered.
"Hey, Spike. You have another visitor," said Twilight, trying not to sound too annoyed.
"Spike, I'm so pleased to meet you," greeted the Mayor. "Let me congratulate you on your most recent concert. I heard it was a roaring success."
"Yeah, it was pretty good," replied Spike, still feeling a bit tired.
"More than good I heard, which is why I have come here. The anniversary of the day I first became Mayor is coming up, and I was hoping you could put on a special show for me."
"Of course, I'd be glad to," he answered, getting up slightly. "Hey, Twilight, have you seen my schedule anywhere?"
Twilight rolled her eyes and levitated a diary (which had been buried under a pile of fan mail) to him, opening it up at the correct date.
"Thanks. I was supposed to be having lunch with Sapphire Shores that day, but I think she'll understand if I postpone. What sort of music would you like?" He readied his quill and looked up at the Mayor expectantly.
"Oh, I don't want this to be any old medley," she replied. "I want something bold and daring. Something to really mark the occasion. An opera!"
"An opera?" said Spike, taken aback.
"Yes. I commission you to write an opera for me. That's what noble ponies from the classical era did. Right?" She looked at Twilight, seeking affirmation.
"Well, yeah, but Spike's never written an opera before."
"Exactly!" agreed Spike. "I'm just a clarilin player. It doesn't mean I can write a full opera."
"I'm sure somepony with enough talent to play the clarilin at your level can produce an opera with little trouble," said the Mayor, waving her hoof dismissively.
"But I wouldn't even know what to write about."
"Well," said the Mayor, standing with her back straight, her head high and one hoof to her chin, "you could make it a biography of a Ponyville citizen. Somepony well respected and has served her community..."
As the Mayor continued Spike's eyes wandered around his room before settling upon the tuxedo he wore last night, laid across a chair very neatly with the creases smoothed out. Rarity had made it for him. The beautiful unicorn who was always so elegant but would go out of her way to help anypony in need. His close friend who kept making him lovingly crafted gifts and had a smile that lit up his heart.
"Could I...make it about Rarity?"
"Hmm?" The Mayor stopped talking and looked at Spike. "Oh. I-I suppose so. She is a highly regarded member of this town after all. And I suppose as long as ponies know I commissioned it... Very well. I look forward to it. Good luck." She smiled and nodded to Spike and Twilight before taking her leave.
Twilight raised an eyebrow at Spike and opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped and gave a sigh instead. "You sure you're gonna be alright writing an opera?"
"Eh, how hard could it be?" replied Spike taking a quill and scroll. "Who knows what these things are capable of?" He flexed his paw and claw and stretched his fingers in preparation.
Twilight gave her usual suspicious look to the hands that once belonged to the Spirit of Chaos and were now attached to her assistant. "Well, let me know if you need any help," she said as she moved to the door.
"I will," chirped Spike, settling down. He looked at his tuxedo, thinking of Rarity, and began to write.
Spike's new project took up almost all of his time, which meant several of his appointments had to be cancelled or denied. Owlowiscious' workload tripled to make up for Spike's previous work as Twilight's assistant, and his stress required Twilight to have the castle regularly cleaned. Any attempts she made to talk to Spike about her problems were met with deaf ears as he vigorously continued to write his opera, and she performed advanced searching spells to clear his room of quills and parchment at bed time so he wouldn't stay up late.
Several musicians visited the castle to help him. He would be leading the opera with his clarilin, however he needed other instruments and singers to properly perform it. Octavia gave him a lot of advice and guidance, and called in ponies she knew from the music world to volunteer. Since Spike was by now very well known in this business, they were more than happy to take part, some thinking the opportunity may boost their careers.
Of course, most of the help came from Spike's new claws. He knew exactly what the music should sound like, and had some basic knowledge of score writing, and when he thought of what he wanted his claws would take over and begin translating what was in his head onto paper. They also moved at an incredible pace so what should have taken several days was done in a couple of hours.
Ponyville buzzed with excitement at the upcoming opera, and would pester anypony involved to divulge any information. They were all sadly disappointed as Spike had sworn them to secrecy. Instead, they watched builders repair and erect the dilapidated outdoor stage where the event would take place. A large sign next to it displayed the number of days before the eagerly awaited performance.
Rarity was easily the most excited. When she had heard the subject of the opera was to be herself, she was incredibly flattered and made it no secret to Spike. She would often suddenly stop her daily tasks to remind herself that it was not a dream, that there was something so grand being created that was inspired by her, written by somepony who thought the world of her. She would lie in bed, not able to sleep as she thought of what the opera would be like. Whenever she saw Spike she was torn between flooding him with questions or leaving him alone so she wouldn't take up any of his precious writing time, though she made sure she always gave him an encouraging smile.
One evening a couple of weeks before the opera Rarity decided to drop off another of Twilight's fixed dresses just after sunset instead of waiting until morning, as she wasn't tired enough to start her beauty sleep routine. After she had entered the castle's front door she was about to call for Twilight when she heard a quiet tune. She lay the dress carefully on a nearby table and started to follow the music, arriving at a small antechamber where Spike was playing his clarilin in front of a music stand. The melody was slow and graceful, and Spike performed it with great care. He finished the phrase and added a few notes to the paper on the stand.
"That was beautiful," whispered Rarity.
"Rarity!" Spike whirled around to see the intruded. He quickly turned back and closed his notebook. "What are you doing here?"
"I was returning Twilight's dress," Rarity explained. "I'm not sure how she can let them fall into such poor condition. Anyway, I heard your music and...well... Is it for the opera?"
"Err-yes-but I don't want you to hear it until it's perfect. This has to be the best it can be."
"Oh, Spike. I always knew you had a good soul, but I had no idea it was capable of creating such beauty. You are a true artist."
Spike smiled and blushed furiously. "Really?" His smile faltered slightly as he glanced at his claws. "Well, I had some help."
"It is not the tools that make the artist. Even without your new claws that music you created would still be as wonderful."
"See?! You don't need those claws anymore! How about we swap back?"
Spike and Rarity looked around rapidly for the new voice. They soon found Discord's head poking out of Spike's notes. Spike quickly grabbed the miniature spirit and threw it out of the window.
"Stay out of my castle!" he yelled after it.
"Whatever happened to 'the magic of friendship?'"
It was the day before the opera, and Ponyville was as busy as ever. The inns were heaving with visitors from all across Equestria, decorators were adding the final touches to the stage and some special balconies were being furnished, designed to be levitated during the performance as the Mayor wanted to be as authentic as possible.
Sugar Cube Corner was slowly filling with baked goods that the owners hoped to sell at the interval. Pinkie Pie was currently in the kitchen simultaneously mixing a bowl of cake mixture with her tail and placing some brownies in the oven. After she closed the door she moved to the other side of the kitchen to get some sugar, only to have Discord jump out of a jar on the ground.
"Surprise, Pinkie!" he exclaimed gleefully. "I bet you weren't expecting to find me in the cookie jar."
"Actually, that's the cookie jar," replied Pinkie, pointing to another jar on the counter. She pointed back to the jar Discord was in. "That's where we throw away our mouldy fruit."
Discord's eyes widened and he shifted his foot slightly. He then shook himself and returned back to his jolly demeanour. "Anyway, I came here to offer you a marvellous opportunity!"
"Opportunity?" asked Pinkie, intrigued.
"Today's your lucky day!" He flashed out of the jar onto a stage that had appeared in the kitchen. He was wearing a loud orange jacket and holding a microphone. Behind him were three stools, each with a white cardboard box on top. "You've been chosen to play..."
"What's in the box!" the audience to Pinkie's right chanted.
"Each of these boxes contains a special prize," Discord explained. "A speedboat, a weekend at a five star hotel and spa, or a life-time supply of paint thinner! It could be absolutely anything! All you have to do is choose number 1, 2 or 3, and we'll find out..."
"What's in the box!"
"Let's give a big cheer for our contestant!"
The crowd whooped and clapped as Pinkie Pie charged up onto the stage and gave a big wave.
"Hi Mom! And Dad! And Maude! And- "
"Alright, alright! Let's get this thing started," said Discord, annoyed. He cleared his throat. "So Pinkie Pie, which will it be? Box number 1, box number 2 or box number 3?"
Pinkie looked from one box to the next trying to choose. Behind her the audience shouted out suggestions which unfortunately only made her more confused.
"1! No, 2! No, wait. What about 3? Maybe I should stick with 1? But then there's 2. But 3's also there! Can I go 50/50?"
"Just pick one!" shouted Discord, infuriated.
"1? OK, number 1!"
"Finally!" Discord shoved the other two boxes off stage with his tail. He moved the remaining stool into the middle directly beneath the spotlight. "So, Pinkie, are you ready to see-"
"What's in the-!"
"Oh, shut up!" He turned expectantly to Pinkie.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" she replied, bouncing up and down.
"Pinkie Diane Pie, you have won..." Discord elegantly took off the lid and the box vanished in a puff of smoke. It dissipated to reveal: "your very own top-of-the-line flugelhorn!" The crowd cheered and confetti fell from the ceiling.
Pinkie's eyes and mouth widened in joy as she gazed at the instrument. "My very own flugelhorn?" she repeated.
"Yes!" Discord grabbed the instrument and strapped it to her head. "Why don't you go and show off your new prize? Give the first pony you see a good blast to brighten their day!"
"Okie dokie lokie!" She bounded out of the kitchen which had now returned to its former state.
It was at this moment that Rarity had entered the shop for her Friday lemon drizzle cupcake. She was lost in her own thoughts about the outfit she had chosen for the opera the next day that she didn't see the pink pony zooming towards her until her face was practically in the bell of the instrument that was attached. It was then Pinkie blew as hard as could into the mouthpiece to produce an almighty PHARP!
After the event Rarity stood in shock, trying to process what had just happened. Pinkie smiled widely at her.
"Whaddya think? My very own top-of-the-line flugelhorn! I just won it in a game show that was playing in the kitchen."
"Wait, what?" She blinked in surprise and tapped her right ear. "I can't-" Her eyes widened in fear. "Oh no! I can't hear! I can't hear anything! Oh no! I won't be able to Spike's opera!" She levitated a cushion to catch her head as she collapsed to the floor and broke down in tears.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Rarity," said Pinkie, mortified at what she had done. "I was just trying to show you my new flugelhorn." She turned around to see Discord laughing at the scene before him.
"Hey! Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"
"It's priceless," he replied, wiping away a tear.
"Well, take this meanie-pants!" She breathed in and gave another hard blow on the flugelhorn. A pitiful squeak was emitted and the instrument broke apart and tumbled to the floor. "Hey, this is a shoddy product!"
"Please refer all complaints to my manager," said Discord before he promptly disappeared.
As soon as Pinkie Pie managed to help Rarity recover from her crying session, they raced over to the hospital to see if anything could be done about Rarity's hearing. She was examined by a specialist ear doctor who gave her the good news that her hearing would return in time, but would take at least a few weeks. Healing with magic was out of the question due to the delicate organs. Even Twilight refused to try out of fear of causing permanent damage. She was interested to know about Discord's involvement, wondering if this was more than a simple prank and whether it was a way of getting back at Spike for refusing to go back on their deal. They all agreed to not tell the dragon of Rarity's temporary deafness as they were scared as to how he would react.
Pinkie Pie apologised profusely to Rarity about what about happened. Rarity quickly forgave her, though was still distraught at the fact that she would not be able to hear the opera Spike had written for and about her. After another crying session at her boutique, she decided that she would put on a brave face and do what she could to keep Spike's heart from breaking.
All too soon it was time to get ready for the opera. Most of the performers were nervous, but none more so than the composer himself. He was incredibly quiet during the morning, and kept pacing backstage and glancing at the clock which never seemed to tick at the right speed. Fortunately whenever he took his clarilin for a quick practice the fumbling in his digits seized and anyone who listened would have a hard time believing he had a care in the world.
As Celestia lowered the sun, ponies bedecked in their finest clothes slowly filled the seats. Even those who didn't care much for opera were happy to attend as an excuse to show off their best jewellery. A few unicorn ushers had been hired to perform some gentle heating spells to keep out the evening chill and to levitate the 'balconies'. Twilight and her friends had a box to themselves, and were trying to console a saddened Rarity.
"Oh, poor Spikey-wikey. If he found out that I couldn't-"
"Nopony's going to tell him, Rarity," Twilight reassured her.
"Ah hem." The chatter amongst the audience quietened down and all heads were turned towards the Mayor who was situated with some Ponyville officials in the box directly in the centre. "Mares and gentlecolts, I welcome you all to my opera, written and performed by our very own musical genius: Spike."
A sea of cheers rose as Spike made his way to the front of the stage, holding his clarilin. He bowed and waved and then made his way to his seat in the orchestra. The noise quietened down again as the conductor prepared his baton. He tapped it against his stand and signalled the musicians to start.
A grand tune swelled as the lights came up to reveal a hospital backdrop and several actors dressed as doctors and nurses. There was a mare lying on a bed and next to her the doctor was holding a newborn foal.
"Welcome to the world, little filly," he sang.
"Who knows what your future has in store!"
The chorus of nurses then joined in.
"A loyal band of friends,
And leading fashion trends!"
"And just perhaps something even more!" trilled the soprano voice that came from the baby.
The opera then proceeded to showcase major events from Rarity's life: the day she got her cutie mark, the beginning of Carousel Boutique and the adventures she shared with her friends. Pinkie Pie squealed with delight when she saw herself on stage.
Rarity tried to enjoy the show. She thought the overall production was well put together and took some amusement watching her life from a different perspective, but still wished she could hear the music that was supposed to accompany it. Occasionally she noticed Spike looking at her and she would have to nudge Applejack to write what emotion she was supposed to be feeling. Fortunately she was no stranger to dramatics and was able to convey great joy, sadness or apprehension without raising any suspicion.
The rest of the audience were drinking in the whole performance. They all gasped as the Spike actor (a very well-built stallion wearing a purple dragon mask) was cornered by several model dragons, dry ice billowing from their nostrils produced by the ponies hidden inside. The Rarity and Rainbow Dash actors were standing stage right, looking scared.
"Rarity!" sang the Rainbow Dash. "Rarity, Rarity save him!
Save Spike, save Spike!
The dragons are gonna pound him!
I would really like to stay,
But tonight I have croquet!
See ya!"
The Rainbow Dash actor swiftly flew off stage. The real Rainbow Dash huffed angrily.
"That's not how it happened!"
"At least he remembered you were there," replied Twilight, folding her hooves and looking thoroughly annoyed.
The first act ended with Rarity leading the others to victory against Tirek and everyone got up to stretch their legs during the interval. Ponies gathered around the various food stands or queued up at the portable facilities, all the while discussing what they had just seen. The reaction so far was positive. Great praise was given to the music and orchestra, however there was mutual agreement that the actors were at times over-the-top. Rarity stood to the side next to an ice cream box, her head down and her drink untouched.
"Another act to go," she sighed to herself. "I don't know if I can take much more of this. I would give anything to hear it!"
"Anything?"
Rarity screamed as she saw Discord jump out of the ice cream box. He shook himself to get rid of the sprinkles he was covered in and turned his attention back to Rarity.
"As I was saying, anything? I might be able to help with that." His grinned slipped as she stared at him, her head slightly tilted. He groaned slightly then pointed at himself and tapped his ears.
"You can restore my hearing?" Rarity beamed, but suspicion quickly took over. "But of course, you would want something ridiculous in return."
"Nothing too ridiculous. Just your hooves."
"Well, whatever it is, you can forget it." She began to turn away.
"Alright, alright." Discord waved his claws in front of her to regain her attention. "Just one hoof," he said as he held up one digit and pointed to her foreleg.
"Just...my left fore-hoof?" She held it up in front of her. "Wouldn’t you rather have something more dextrous?"
Discord rolled his eyes and summoned a clock between them. Rarity looked behind her to see the crowd making their way back to their seats, to hear the opera that Spike had written especially for her. A vision of his excited face filled her mind.
"Oh very well," she exclaimed before she could give it any more thought. "I agree."
"Excellent!" Discord produced a contract and quill, and indicated where Rarity needed to sign. After she had done so, he snapped the items away, replacing them with a white cloth. Before she could protest, he deftly fed the cloth through one of her ears and out of the other, and pulled it both ways alternatively as if he were cleaning the inside of her head. A few seconds later, he removed the cloth (now noticeably grubbier) and poofed it away.
Rarity blinked a few times, and then waggled her ears to shake herself of the shock. "What was-!" She stopped as she realised her hearing had returned, as clear as ever. "It worked! I can hear again!" He jubilation halted when she remembered the draconequus. "Are you going to take my hoof now?" She held it out hesitantly.
"Let’s not worry about that just yet," he replied, taking her hoof and gently patting it. "Enjoy the opera."
Rarity gave a suspicious frown, but then hurried back to her seat before the curtains rose.
Rarity's eyes welled up now that she could start appreciating Spike's music. The care and splendour he put into his masterpiece took her breath away.
A few minutes into the second act came a scene set in Discord's realm with the Spike and Discord actors standing in front of a pool filled with rubber ducks.
"With my clarilin, her heart I will win,
But I need claws able of perfection," sang the Spike actor.
"Well I certainly don't see,
Any downside for me,
For my brain has a loose connection," the Discord actor replied before losing his balance and falling in the pool.
The audience gave a huge laugh, although one member who had conjured his own box growled angrily.
Back on stage, 'Spike' held aloft the rubber duck he had won as 'Discord' fell to his knees and sang in aguish.
"It's not fair, it's not fair,
It's really, really not fair,
Truly you are my superior!"
A sudden flash of light appeared centre stage and a fuming Discord took its place.
"Ugh. Seriously? Who wrote these lyrics? The music's passable but the words are completely uninspired! And I am not that short," he added as he bent over the actor portraying him.
"What do you want?" Spike called up to him, clearly annoyed.
"I want my claws back!" Discord let out a mighty laugh as a wall of multicoloured flame roared behind him, destroying the set and causing the terrified actors to run off stage.
"NEVER!" Spike leapt up on to the stage and marched towards the draconequus.
"A deal's a deal,
It lasts for an eternity."
"Very well, then I'll take what from Rarity!"
A spotlight shone on the council's box, and Discord extended his arms to pull Rarity from her seat and onto the stage.
"Her hoof, she has promised me!"
There was a collective gasp from everyone gathered. Rarity turned to Spike with pleading eyes.
"Spike, it is not what it seems!" She wondered to centre stage and hung her head low.
"I should have revealed I was deafened by Pinkie, the shame. The sha-ame!
But I thought your heart would be buried in sorrow,
Forgetting I could listen next week tomorrow!
So my hearing Discord returned,
Though his method was a bit savage,
In return without any regret I agreed that I'd give him my hoof..." She turned back and nervously held it out, her eyes shut tight.
"In marriage!" Discord grabbed her hoof and knelt before her.
"What?!" exclaimed Spike and Rarity.
"You'd give me your hoof in marriage!" Discord repeated, and he conjured some doves to flutter above them.
"Is this really happenin' or jus' part of the show?" sang Applejack, scratching her head in confusion.
"This can't be real!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash in disbelief.
"With Discord, who knows?" said Twilight, incredibly annoyed and a hoof to her forehead.
Back on stage a panicked Rarity was trying to back away from Discord.
"That isn't what I meant,
That isn't what I signed!"
Discord produced the contract and stretched it so it covered the backdrop of the stage.
"You should have checked the wording in the fine...print!" He handed Rarity an oversized magnifying glass and she scrutinised the miniscule writing Discord had circled in red pen.
"I'll give you my hoof...in marriage," she read in despair.
A pink blur zoomed towards the stage and Pinkie Pie examined the contract herself.
"'Contract recognised throughout Equestria and its surrounding territories.'
Legally binding." Satisfied with the authenticity, she raced back to her box.
The Mayor was then pulled onto the stage. She beamed at the audience, surprised but thrilled to be a part of the proceedings, and Discord continued.
"I shall marry her now and go to my realm,
Oh, yes,
Oh, yes!" He took Rarity in his arms and she struggled frantically in his grasp to no avail. He continued to sing as he neared the Mayor.
"We'll have a reception and meet the in-laws
Then we'll steal away for a honeymoon in Oz."
He quickly spun around to deliver his ultimatum to a horrified Spike.
"Unless Spike you surrender my claws!"
Spike looked despairingly at his oversized claws, his heart pounding and his mind overwhelmed with everything that had just taken place.
"The events upon this floor is forcing me to choose between
The unicorn I adore,
And the claws of the chaos king.
I know I cannot let her go and suffer for all the things I've done,
But if I save her,
And give these up,
Any chance with her will be gone."
His head slumped forward in defeat and several sniffles could be heard throughout the audience.
"I can't believe everypony is still singing," remarked Applejack
"I didn't know opera could be this annoying!" said Rainbow Dash, who was now incredibly fed up.
Discord and Rarity were now standing before the Mayor, Rarity still desperately trying to free herself. The Mayor, still oblivious to the seriousness of the situation, cleared her throat before beginning the impromptu ceremony.
"If any abjections, then speak now or hold your peace!"
"No! Stop!"
She was interrupted by Spike who forced himself between Discord and Rarity. He fell to his knees before the draconequus.
"Take my claws! You giant, evil creep!" He held out his claws and screwed his eyes shut.
With a triumphant laugh Discord produced his saw and brought it down on Spike's wrists just as the lights went out. They returned a second later to reveal Discord and Spike rejoined with their former body parts.
"My claws. My stubby, puny claws." Spike held his face in them and started sobbing.
Discord rolled his eyes and then gazed lovingly at his own claws. "Ahh, Anarchy and Disorder, I missed you so much." His paw suddenly rose up and slapped his face. "Ow! I didn't deserve that!" He was then slapped by the other claw. "OK. I might have deserved that one." He conjured a top hat and overcoat and addressed the audience one last time. "Well, I'd love to stay and watch the rest, but I have a meeting with the Saddle Arabian ambassador regarding his gammy leg. Ta ta!" He tipped his hat and vanished.
Up above, Fluttershy shook her head disapprovingly. "I'm really going to have to have words with him about this later."
"I must say this has all been very entertaining," said the Mayor, chuckling slightly. "Carry on."
"But I can't play anymore!" Spike replied. "My claws..."
"Spike!" He looked up to see Pinkie Pie calling down to him. "Your claws have nothing to do with it. The music was always in your heart!"
He raised an eyebrow at this, but since everyone was looking at him expectantly, he journeyed back to the orchestra and picked up his clarilin. He nervously looked around at his fellow musicians, took a breath and started playing.
Instantly the audience groaned in discomfort and slammed their hooves over their ears. A few of them even booed as they rushed away from the auditorium.
"Wow! Even I think this is lousy," said Pinkie Pie, wincing.
"Ruined! Completely ruined!" the Mayor proclaimed, completely distraught.
In a matter of minutes the area was devoid of the audience, musicians, actors and ushers. Spike had stopped playing long ago but the disappointment was too much for the crowd that wished to be back home as soon as possible.
"Poor Spike," said Applejack as the Friendship council made their own way back to town.
"I'll fetch him in a moment," said Twilight. "We need to make sure this crowd doesn't suddenly decide to become an angry mob." She glanced back behind her towards the stage, a sad frown on her face, wondering how she could ever cheer him up again.
Back at the auditorium Spike had wondered back to centre stage, clarilin in hand, looking out to the seats which had a short while ago been full with ponies who had come just to hear his music. He had let them all down, especially the one pony who this had all been for since the beginning. He sighed heavily and began to leave.
"Wait."
Spike turned back and saw Rarity sitting in the middle of seats, smiling sweetly at him. "I would very much like to hear how it ends."
Spike smiled back at her and positioned his clarilin. Though the notes were more often than not sour, and the timing was off on several occasions, the sheer amount of heart and soul present in the sound produced was far more than any master musician could ever hope to achieve.
