Discord buys coffee cake

by Razalon The Lizardman

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2112

What appears to be a simple errand will afford one mare in particular greater insight into the mind of the lord of chaos.

Discord visits Sugarcube Corner with the intention of purchasing breakfast. When asked why he doesn't just conjure some up with his magic, what results is a profound conversation on the subjects of baking, chaos, and even Discord's social standing.

Edited by: Themaskedferret

Published 2014-09-12 23:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-12 23:50:07 UTC

Why not do it the easy way?

“What a lovely day it is,” Discord said as he strolled along Ponyville’s main street. Staring at the beautiful blue sky above, he held his mismatched hands behind his back while humming a merry tune of his own creation.

Ponies stared suspiciously at him as he walked by, his recent betrayal still fresh in their minds. Some of them even retreated back inside their homes as he came near, pulling their welcome mats inside and locking the door, never out of fear, but rather, disgust. Though they had been told Discord was wholly and truly reformed at long last, their resentment of him for his betrayal was far from vanquished.

In the meantime, Discord chose to ignore their passive hostility towards him, going so far as to casually stroll about Ponyville like nothing had ever happened. He gave friendly waves to everypony he saw, and while he never received any in return, he kept a smile on his face and continued his walk.

Discord took a whiff of the crisp, early morning air and sighed in content. “Never before did anything untouched by chaos magic feel so heavenly,” he said. “Perhaps I’ll make this part of my schedule from now on, just taking an hour or so every few days to relax, not worry about spreading chaos everywhere, and take in the wonderful sights aro-”

Discord was interrupted by the distant ringing of Ponyville's clock tower. He counted eight rings total, and smiled once it stopped.

“Ah, it seems breakfast is in order,” he said. “Wait, what was I saying again?” He racked his brain, trying to remember before shrugging in defeat. “Oh well, I’m sure it wasn’t anything important.”

With a snap of his talon, Discord disappeared in a flash of yellow light, re-appearing a second later in front of Sugarcube Corner. The doorbell chimed as he entered the bakery.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” Cup Cake called from the backroom.

Smiling, Discord sauntered up to the counter and began inspecting all the delectable pastries held within, trying to decide which one he should have for breakfast. He heard the sound of a door swinging open accompanied by a set of hoof falls approaching the counter.

“Welcome to Sugarcube Cor-AHHH!”

Discord instinctively snapped his head up to see Mrs. Cake backed up against the opposite wall, breathing rapidly with her fore leg pressed firmly against her chest, her face wearing a fearful expression.

“W-w-what are y-y-you doing h-h-here?” she stuttered.

Discord scoffed. “Oh, come now Cup Cake,” he said. “You have nothing to fear, for I’m only here to purchase breakfast and then I’ll be on my merry way.” He returned to examining the various pastries lined within the display case.

Cup Cake, meanwhile, managed to calm down enough to approach the counter. Her gaze was still fearful, but it held a greater sense of curiosity.

“This is the first time you’ve ever set foot in this building,” she noted. “And you’re here to purchase something?”

“Mhmm,” Discord replied with a nod.

Cup Cake stared blankly for a few moments, waiting to see if Discord would say anything else, but he only continued observing the various foods on display while scratching his chin contemplatively.

“Err, well . . . why?” Cup Cake finally asked.

Discord lifted his gaze. “Beg pardon?”

Cup Cake sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “Well, can’t you just, you know, snap your digits and summon food at will?”

“Yes,” Discord answered. He flipped his head upside-down in curiosity. “And your point is?”

Cup Cake let out a long-winded groan and face-hooved before answering. “Why would you bother buying breakfast when you can just make it yourself for free?”

“Frankly, my dear,” Discord said, righting his head, “I would’ve thought you’d be happy to receive my bits.”

“No, no, of course I am!” Cup Cake replied, frantically shaking her head. “I’m just curious is all.”

Discord smiled. “Very well.” He snapped his talon, which produced a chocolate croissant in his paw. “Here, taste this.” He set the croissant down on the counter and slid it to Cup Cake.

She regarded it with interest, as well as concern for what it may contain. It was only natural to be hesitant to accept anything from Discord, but Cup Cake knew he hadn't a reason to put her life in jeopardy, although her sanity was a different story.

Cup Cake picked the croissant up in her mouth and took a small bite out of it, making sure to get some of the chocolate filling, and used her hoof to balance the croissant afterward. She chewed the mouthful slowly, letting each of her taste buds get an inkling of its flavor and texture.

It tasted different from a croissant of the home-cooked variety. She couldn’t quite place it, but there was something about Discord’s chaos magic variant that seemed unique compared to the recipe she used to make croissants. It was as if there was a secret ingredient she used that Discord didn’t, but she couldn’t guess what it was for her life, not knowing exactly how chaos magic worked to produce the treat.

“Well, it’s certainly edible, and quite delicious as well,” she said. Smiling, she took another bite, then her eyes widened and she quickly held out the croissant to Discord. “Om sawry, do yuh wanch ech back?”

Discord cringed. “No thanks, you can keep it,” he said.

Nodding, Cup Cake returned to eating while Discord continued browsing the display. All the while she ate the croissant, Cup Cake continued pondering exactly why her croissants tasted so different from Discord's. She took a guess that it wasn’t an actual, physical ingredient since surely Discord could perfectly replicate any food on a purely chemical and physical level. If that was the case, it meant whatever was different existed on a spiritual level, and Cup Cake knew next to nothing about spiritual mumbo-jumbo.

Eventually, Discord pointed to a slice of cream cheese coffee cake. “I’ll have that,” he said.

Cup Cake nodded and, after popping the last piece of croissant into her mouth, fetched the danish from the case.

“Free vits,” she said.

Discord snapped his talon once again, this time producing a small brown pouch which he opened and fished the appropriate amount of coins out of. Handing them over to Cup Cake, he took the slice of coffee cake and brought it up to his mouth.

Licking his lips, Discord was about to take a bite when Cup Cake said, “So, what is it?”

Discord dropped his gaze to her, and noticed the curious expression on her face. “Beg pardon, again?”

“What is it that makes your food different from mine?” she asked. “From what I could tell, there’s nothing different as far as ingredients are concerned.”

Discord tsked. “You know, dear Cup, curiosity has a rather murderous side to it, particularly to certain species of felines.”

Cup Cake’s gaze furrowed. “Well, excuse me for trying to elicit conversation with you when nopony else will.” She turned around in a huff.

Discord frowned. Perhaps that was uncalled for, he thought.

“I’m sorry, Cup Cake,” he said with a sigh. “Truthfully, I’ve grown so used to ponies ignoring or outright hating me that I no longer care for idle chit-chat with them, to the point where I belittle any attempts they make. Fluttershy’s helping me to open up in that regard, but again, I’m sorry for being so rude just now.”

Cup Cake glared over her shoulder at him, and almost rolled her eyes at the literal halo floating over Discord’s head, but just sighed and turned around. “You’re forgiven,” she said, letting a smile stretch across her muzzle. “So, what is the secret ingredient, or whatever, that makes our food so different?”

“It’s not so much a matter of what goes in that makes them different,” Discord explained. “Rather, it’s the person doing the ‘baking’ that does, and whether their method of doing it is as nature intended.”

Cup Cake tilted her head. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s quite simple really,” Discord said. With another snap, he was decked out in a lab coat and wearing typical nerd glasses held together with tape, holding a pointer at a chalkboard with a diagram drawn on it. The diagram consisted of a non-descript image of Discord next to one of Cup Cake in front of an oven, with an arrow pointing at Cup Cake’s flank, specifically, her Cutie Mark.

“As you can see here,” Discord said, pointing toward the picture of himself, “this handsome fellow doesn’t use any traditional cooking methods to produce edible food, pastries or otherwise, while this lovely lady,” he pointed toward Cup Cake’s picture, while the real mare blushed slightly at being called ‘lovely’, “abides by such methods.”

“Okay, and is that it?” Cup Cake asked. “Is it the methods used to make the food that makes it different?”

“Both yes and no,” Discord answered. He took a moment to adjust his glasses before continuing. “While it’s true that the methods used are a factor, there’s also another one that, in my professional opinion, is only noticeable to someone of my stature.” He pointed at the diagram’s rendition of Cup Cake’s Cutie Mark. “That would be the Cutie Mark, and whether or not a pony possesses one that indicates exceptional baking skills plays a factor in determining whether their food is of a higher quality to my own chaotic variations.”

“I think I get it,” Cup Cake said with a nod. “Ponies like me and my husband, as well as you, can produce food of the same quality despite tasting different, while ponies without baking as their talent can only make it so good, like Pinkie Pie.”

“Correctamundo!” Discord exclaimed. The chalkboard, his glasses, and the pointer all disappeared in a yellow flash and Discord sauntered back up to the counter.

Grabbing his purchased coffee cake, Discord was about to take a bite when he was interrupted by Cup Cake once again.

“But wait, since your food and my food aren’t any different from a quality standpoint, what reason do you have to choose mine over your own?”

Instead of getting irritated, Discord gave Cup Cake a warm smile which, while very welcomed by her, she found to be positively alien on his face.

“I could make my own food whenever I want, true,” he said, “but the fundamental rule of chaos is change.” He looked down at his purchased coffee cake wistfully, almost like it was a personal treasure he wanted to stay together with forever. “I’ve eaten so many of my own food stuffs that I relish the chance to eat something homemade for a change, and knowing how much love and care you and your husband put into these things, I figured this would be the best place to get my breakfast today.”

Cup Cake stood stunned at what Discord had said. To hear him say something so profound and heartwarming in contrast to his usual, snarky self was a completely new experience to her. She could only watch, spellbound, as Discord lifted his coffee cake up to his mouth and took a bite.

“Mhmm,” Discord said. A happy expression spread across his bearded muzzle as he chewed the creamy goodness with delight. It tasted so delicious, so mouth-wateringly splendid; definitely the work of a master.

Mental note, consider Sugarcube Corner for all future non-chaos break—

“Achoo!” he sneezed, spewing saliva-coated coffee cake chunks all over the counter, snapping Cup Cake from her stupor. “Oh, terribly sorry!”

Discord summoned a yellow kitchen sponge in his paw and began scrubbing the counter clean. As he did so, Cup Cake thought she heard small slurping noises coming from the sponge whenever it passed over a sizable food chunk.

“Ah, much better,” Discord finally said, dispelling the sponge. “Well, it’s been fun chatting with you, dear Cup Cake, but I must be off.” A rainbow racing track suddenly appeared at his mismatched feet, leading out the door, as well as a little go-kart that Discord stepped into.

Gripping the wheel with his talon and the rest of his coffee cake with his paw, Discord hit the accelerator, quickly speeding off along the track and through the doors of Sugarcube Corner, the track disappearing behind him as he traversed it.

Cup Cake could only smile and shake her head in response. She then left to fetch some more coffee cake for the display case, all the while thinking about what Discord told her.

He may be a loon, but at least he has great taste in pastries.