"Auuuggghhhhh, I'm so boooored" I whined.
"You'd think that a teleporting magician from another world wouldn't have to worry about being bored when in a dimension he doesn't actually live in," Spike retorted in monotone.
Oh I should explain that part; I'm actually a human, specifically a human who became obsessed with the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and spent eighteen years researching ancient magical rituals and ceremonies, using any means, in order to open a bridge between my world and the world of Equestria and eventually (after maybe sacrificing the odd goat or two) was able to create a wormhole through the cosmos that I, and I alone, could travers that would take me straight to Ponyville's town centre (I was aiming for Canterlot but I'll take what I can get). So now whenever I want I can just light some candles, draw some glyphs, spill some blood and POOF! I'm chilling with Twilight and the gang, or at least most times I am, today however everyone was to busy to hang out. As a result I'm here in Twilight's library with nothing to do- I would go home but the spell takes a while to recharge (for whatever reason, I don't know).
"Well, Spike, for some unexplained and mysterious reason the magical human in the world of pastel-coloured ponies, pegasi, unicorns and alicorns, as well as all other manner of mythological beasts is bored! He was bored in his world and he's bored in this one the only difference is in this world he can't watch cat videos on YouTube!" I barked at him (what? I'm cranky when I'm bored).
"You could always help me with my chores," Spike suggested with a certain tone that implied he really wanted me to help with his chores.
"I've just done a tone of chores back home! I'm not traveling across planes of existence to do more!" I countered, falling into a nearby armchair.
"Fine, but at least stop whining so I can get on with them."
"But what am I supposed to dooooo ?" I asked, deliberately putting on an over-the-top whiney voice to irritate him.
"I don't know! Find something to entertain yourself with!" He grumped and then waddled of, with broom in hand.. err I mean claw.
I started looking around the library for something to do and the thing that really jumped out at me were books, that on any other day I would have happily read, but on this occasion I knew I would never be able to will my brain to focusing on words so I moved on.
The next thing I saw was a spare broomstick "Hmmmm..." I entertained the idea of helping Spike clean up and quickly came to a consensus "Nope."
That was pretty much all that was there so I hung my head in defeat.
Staring at my hands I noticed some dirt on my finger (the index finger of the left hand if you really want to know, which I'm betting you didn't).
"Well someone's a dirty fellow," I said to the finger, "what did you do to get in such a state?"
"You can't expect my to know that! I'm a busy guy!" the finger replied in a deep and gruff voice that sounded almost exactly like mine, only it was deep and gruff.
"Well let's get you cleaned up" I then licked my other index finger and rubbed the dirty one vigorously with it for a few seconds until I had removed the blemish on an otherwise spotless finger. "There, spick and span!" I exclaimed.
"Oh yes, much better," The second finger agreed in a high-pitched voice that, if it had been less high-pitched, would have sounded eerily like my own.
"Great, so now I'm clean. Woo-hoo" The first finger said, unimpressed.
"Well don't act so grateful," I said to him with sarcasm.
"Yes dear, show some gratitude," his wife cautioned him.
"Fine. Thank you." he grumbled.
"Your welcome. Can you think of anything to do?" I asked the pair of them.
"We're fingers; we're not exactly known for our intelligence," the husband informed me, sounding irritated.
"Come now dear, don't be so rude," his wife said to him, "he's just asking a question," she then turned to face me, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but all we fingers really do is point at things or maybe prod objects," she said to me sounding almost apologetic.
"Well that's more than what I've thought up so maybe we could work on that." I offered.
"What? prodding stuff?" The husband asked.
"Why not?"
"What are we going to prod? books? the floor? how about Spike? I bet that will turn out well, I mean what harm could there be in prodding a live animal named Spike?!?" he half-shouted at me.
"You've had to prod my dog once before and he's named Spike," I countered with a smug grin.
"Idiot," Mr. Finger grumbled under he's breath.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," I warned him.
Just then Spike entered the room. "Yes?" he asked.
"Yes what?" I asked back.
"Didn't you call?"
"No."
"But I heard you say my name just now."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did, you almost shouted it and with a really deep voice!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"No I didn't!"
"I said you're name, but I was talking about you, not to you!" Mr. Finger interrupted.
Spike stared at him looking confused.
"Something wrong dearie?" Mrs Finger asked him.
Spike now directed his attention to Mrs Finger.
"Spike? You ok?" I probed.
"Why are your fingers talking to me?"
"It's not actually my fingers, Spike; it's me giving them little voices," I explained, still with my two fingers extended looking between Spike and myself.
"Ok. New question: why have you given voices to your fingers?"
"You said to find something to entertain myself with."
"And you found your fingers?"
"Well it's not like they're hard to miss."
"So what have you and your fingers been doing?"
"We were just working on that actually," Mrs Finger told him. "At the moment we're thinking about prodding something."
"Like what?" Spike asked, actually looking at my finger.
"We we're trying to figure that part out, until you showed up," Mr Finger said (he had calmed down by now).
"I don't suppose you'd mind being prodded?" I asked to Spike looking hopeful.
"Where?" he responded, looking wary.
"Just on the snout."
"Eh, why the hay not?"
I extended Mr Finger out towards Spike's snout but just before he made contact I paused. "Are you both ready?"
"Yep," both Spike and Mr Finger replied.
I then sent Mr Finger out on the rest of his journey to Spike's snout and as he collided with the hard scales I said "Boop!" and then withdrew Mr Finger.
"What was the 'boop' for?" Spike asked.
"I thought it would make it more interesting."
"Fair enough. Now what?"
"I don't know about you but I liked that! A lot!" Mr Finger said, sounding excited "What else can we boop?"
"Twilight's up in her room, you could boop her," Spike suggested.
"Let's do it!" Mr Finger shouted.
"Now wait a minuet," Mrs Finger interjected, "Twilight said she didn't want to be interrupted."
"Forget that! Let's get up there and boop that mare!" Mr Finger argued.
"Don't worry," I said to Mrs Finger, "what's the worst that could happen?"
"Oh, all right," she conceded.
"Ok, here we go soldier," I said to the newly promoted Private Finger.
"Yeah!"
I sprung from my chair and made my way upstairs when suddenly I thought of another way to make this more interesting and started to sing the 'Doom' theme.
"Duuu... du du du du du du du du du du duuuuu...."
Finally I could see my target (currently in the middle of reading a book): Twilight Sparkle; protégée to Princess Celestia, until recently, the bearer of the Element of Magic and Alicorn Princess of Friendship.
And Corporal Finger and I were going to boop her (I decided to promote him after that long march up the stairs).
So far our presence was unnoticed (or more likely ignored) but as we were so close to her I knew that wouldn't last so I didn't hesitate.
"Boop!" I exclaimed as Corporal Finger hit her square on the muzzle with enough force to make her jerk her head a bit. She looked down at her muzzle and put her hoof to it, checking for anything I might have left there (of course Corporal Finger was to clean to leave any mark on her coat). Once she was sure her muzzle was fine Twilight looked to me as if expecting an explanation, instead I sent the recently appointed Sergeant in for another attack run, which resulted in another hit and another "Boop!". Then Twilight gave me a look.
I knew this look. This was a bad look. This was the look that meant 'go away'. I should have quit while I was ahead but I couldn't help myself. I decided to press my luck and ever so slowly I advanced Captain Finger towards the target (I decided to make him a Captain after that amazing boop) . As he got closer I could see Twilight's look change subtly. It became more a 'do not do that' look but I didn't stop. Suddenly Twilight raised her hoof and before I could respond she brought it down on the Captain, crushing him against her hoof and the bed. I was in shock. All I could do was stare at Twilight's hoof knowing that under it was Captain Finger. But he was more than that, he was my friend. I had to get him out so I pulled with all my might and was able to get him free. I was in panic, I couldn't think straight, I glanced at Twilight and saw the new look on her face. This was a 'get out now' look so I did (while singing the rest of the mission's theme song to keep up appearances).
---Three minuets later---
Twilight didn't know what happened in her room but she wanted to and the second she found a good place to stop reading she marched downstairs for answers and found a peculiar sight; the perpetrator of the boop was kneeling by the table with one of he's fingers in a matchbox and his other finger coloured black while humming a slow tune, until he noticed her at which point he stopped humming and looked up at her.
"Do I want to know?" she asked him.
"Not really," he replied.
"I'll be in my room."
"Ok."
End
