“What the fuck were you thinking, Twilight?”
“I don’t know, I–I just wanted to see a dinosaur, Rainbow.”
Rainbow Dash facehoofed. “Well, now there’s a T-Rex destroying Ponyville! What are we supposed to do about it?”
“Rainbow Power?” Twilight asked as she blushed.
“You think that’d work?”
Twilight hummed as she tapped her chin. “No, not really. It’s not evil, it’s just being a dinosaur.”
“Well the Celestia-damned dinosaur is smashing Ponyville!”
“I know, just give me a second—”
“—we don’t have a second! We need to do something right fucking now!” Rainbow Dash then looked out the window. “Holy shit!”
Twilight looked at Rainbow. “What, Rainbow?”
“Just look out of the Celestia-damned window!”
Twilight looked out the window. Outside was Mayor Mare facing down the dinosaur, apparently trying to give it a stern talking-to.
“What the hell is she thinking? It’s a damned dinosaur, she’s going to fucking get eaten!”
“Well, do you want to save her, Rainbow Dash?”
“Hell no! I’m the Element of Loyalty, not stupidity. There’s a fucking dinosaur outside!” Rainbow and Twilight’s eyes popped open at what they saw next.
“Oh my,” Twilight said.
Rainbow glared at Twilight. “Oh my? Oh my? That’s what you have to say to that? Mayor Mare just got the fuck eaten by a Celestia-damned dinosaur!”
“I know,” Twilight said as she looked away, “and it’s very sad.” Twilight then looked up at Rainbow. “But in all honesty, she wasn’t a very effective mayor, plus she had had the position for forever. Maybe this’ll bring about some much needed change in Ponyville.”
Rainbow buried her face in both of her hooves. “Really? That’s how you respond to that?” Rainbow Dash then slapped Twilight across the face. “The fuck is wrong with you?”
Twilight looked into Rainbow’s eyes as she rubbed her cheek. “You...you hit me.”
Rainbow Dash returned the glare. “Damn right I did.”
“Why did you hit me?”
“Because...because…” Rainbow started before she let go of the tension in her muscles.
“There was no excuse for that.”
“I know, I’m just so stressed because there’s a Celestia-damned dinosaur mauling Ponyville!”
“I know, Rainbow Dash, and I’m a little concerned, too,” Twilight said as she looked back out the window, “but let’s face it. With the exception of losing Mayor Mare, this isn’t any other different than the bimonthly destruction of Ponyville.”
Rainbow Dash blinked, then gestured out the window. “But fucking dinosaur!”
“Please,” Twilight said,”it’s not any bigger than Spike when he got greedy.” Twilight then peered out the window. “Is that Fluttershy?”
Rainbow glued her face to the window. “It is! What the fuck are you doing, Fluttershy? Get the hell away from that thing!”
“Hold on a second,” Twilight said, “Is she talking with it?”
“There’s no way…” Rainbow said. “Holy shit, she is talking with it!”
“And it appears to be talking back.”
“No fucking way...wait, Fluttershy, what are you doing! Don’t lead the fucking dinosaur here!”
The ground shook as the dinosaur approached the castle, finally stopping. The two ponies waited inside for the inevitable.
Nothing happened. The two ponies inside looked at each other, confused.
“What’s going on?” Rainbow Dash asked. The castle then shook as if someone was knocking on it.
“I think they want us to answer the door,” Twilight said. She stood up and headed towards the door, Rainbow following.
“What are you doing? There’s a fucking dinosaur out there!”
“I know, but Fluttershy seems to have it under control.” Twilight approached the front door and opened it to an unamused Fluttershy and the equally unamused face of a tyrannosaurus rex.
“Alistair Stonewall wants to go home now,” Fluttershy said.
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “Who’s Alistair Stonewall?”
“That’d be me,” the dinosaur said.
“Oh.” Twilight turned her head to the dinosaur and waved. “Hi, Alistair!”
“Hello… uh,” Alistair said. He then moved his mouth closer to Fluttershy. “Who’s this?” he whispered.
“That’s Twilight,” Fluttershy whispered back.
“Ah, yes,” the dinosaur said. He then moved his head back to its original position. “Hello, Twilight.”
“What the fuck are you doing talking to the fucking dinosaur who fucking ate Mayor Mare?” Rainbow Dash screamed.
“Oh, yes, about that. You see,” Alistair explained, “we dinosaurs learn languages by ingesting a bit of the host species. Unfortunately for this Mayor Mare, I was very disoriented by the time-space jump and may have gotten a bit… carried away.”
“Fuck you!”
“Hello, um…” he started. He then leaned his head closer to Fluttershy.
“Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said.
“Ah, yes.” Alistair moved his head back into position. “I am truly sorry about your friend. If there’s anything I can do to offer restitution, I would be more than happy to oblige.”
“Well, you could help us rebuild Ponyville. It’s kind of… wrecked,” Twilight said.
“I would love to be of service, but what do you expect me to do with my tiny arms?”
“Haul building materials.”
Alistair nodded. “Now that I can do.”
“But what are we going to do about the mayor?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Well,” Twilight said,”this is technically my kingdom, so her position was rendered obsolete already. This unfortunate accident—”
“—murder—”
“—accident,” Twilight said, ”actually cleared up a lot of red tape.”
“What the fuck, Twilight! Mayor Mare is not red tape!”
“Then why didn’t you go save her?” Twilight asked.
“Because of the fucking dinosaur!”
“I see,” Twilight said. “As for the current hole in the government, I suppose I’ll have to appoint somepony to fill the hole until we can phase out the position of Mayor completely. Any takers?”
The ponies and dinosaur shared a glance, none of them wanting the responsibility.
Twilight groaned and pulled out a six-sided die. “Alright, since nopony has volunteered, I will randomly choose between the three parties present. One or two, Fluttershy. Three or four, Rainbow Dash. Five or six, Alistair—”
“—wait, you’re not seriously considering making a fucking dinosaur Mayor, are you?”
“Why not, Rainbow Dash? He—you’re male, correct?”
Alistair nodded. “That I am.”
“Alright, now that that’s cleared up—he seems perfectly intelligent.”
“But… but dinosaur!”
“Your objection has been noted, Rainbow Dash. Now to roll the die…”
“It’s nice to see the rebuilding process going smoothly, Twilight.”
“Just another day for a Princess, Princess Celestia. Everything’s been going smoothly with the new mayor.”
“Yes, I’m sorry to hear about the loss of Ivory Scroll. You never did tell me how she passed.”
“No, I did not, Princess Celestia.”
“Hmm. I would, however, like to meet this new mayor.”
“Alright, Princess Celestia.” She turned her head away from Celestia. “Alastair!”
Celestia felt the ground shake under her and arched an eyebrow. Alastair? That’s not a pony name, she thought. Although she felt the ground shake under her, she could not see the arrival of anypony. The ground stopped shaking. Celestia looked into the distance, unable to see the source.
“Twilight, where is this Alistair?”
“Right behind you, Princess Celestia!”
Celestia turned her head back and saw a tyrannosaurus rex. She turned her head back to Twilight. “That’s wonderfu—” she stared before she did a double take, shrieked and backed away. “Are you telling me a fucking dinosaur is the new mayor?”
Alistair waved. “Hey! I remember you! You’re the white pony who came through the hole!”
Celestia fell to her haunches, quaking in her horseshoes. “Gah…”
“Yep!” Twilight said, “Alistair Stonewall is the new interim mayor of Ponyville!”
“That’s… wonderful, Twilight.”
Alistair nodded and turned his head towards Twilight. “So, what did you need me for?”
“Just wanted to introduce you to Princess Celestia,” Twilight said.
“Oh… I suppose I’ll be getting back to work, then.”
“That sounds great, Alistair.” With that, the dinosaur turned and walked away, shaking the ground with each step. Twilight then turned towards Celestia, who had somehow blanched even more than her usual shade of white. “Isn’t he so polite?”
“Y-yes, Twilight… very p-polite,” Princess Celestia said before she fainted.
Twilight pursed her lips, then dragged Celestia into the nearest home. She’ll wake up eventually.
