In the early hours of the morning, Ryan’s herd awoke to find that their human was not amongst them. In fact, as they wandered about the castle halls, they still could not find him...or their inter-dimensional guest.
“Where do ya reckon they could be, Twi?”
“I’m not sure, AJ.”
Lyra tapped a hoof before speaking up, “Maybe the Princesses have seen them? Odds are they might be together and if so, someone had to have seen them.”
Figuring that was a good enough idea, they headed towards the throne room to see both Luna and Celestia looking a bit perplexed.
“Good morning my little ponies...I assume you’re looking for one human?”
Fluttershy nodded, “Oh yes. Ryan seems to have gone missing...along with DJ.”
“They were together last I saw them.” Luna brought a hoof to her chin in thought, “DJ was apparently having a bit of a rough moment and was thrilled to discover our alcohol was actually potent compared to that in his world. Though I know not where Darkness pulled it from, Ryan couldn’t leave him be and thus I left the four of them to enjoy themselves. When I went to check on them later they were missing. All that was left was some empty bottles and the residual traces of some type of food Ryan no doubt cooked up.”
“Ah, so that is why the kitchen was a bit messy this morning.” Celestia laughed softly, “Perhaps he merely made a midnight snack to cheer up his new friend.”
“That’s nice and all, Princesses, but that doesn’t get us any closer to finding where he is.”
“Impatient as always, Rainbow Dash. Haha. Well, I can only assume they’re still on the castle ground so we—”
“Sister?”
“Does anyone else hear that music?”
And with that the throne room doors, which had been closed by the guards, were kicked in before in danced Ryan and DJ wearing the most unusual headgear: one silver and the other gold. That, however, was not what caused them all to just stand there in stunned confusion. The fact that what appeared to be five mini-Discords dancing along behind them and provided backup vocals is what truly confused them as the song continued on!
Like the legend of the Phoenix
All ends in beginnings
What keeps the planets spinning (uh)
The force from the beginning
(Look)
We’ve come too farto give up who we are
So let’s raise the barand our cups to the stars~
She’s up all night to the sun
I’m up all night to get some
She’s up all night for good fun
I’m up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
The present has no ribbon
Your gift keeps on giving,
What is this I'm feeling?
If you wanna leave I'm with it (ah)
We've come too farto give up who we are
So let's raise the barand our cups to the stars
She's up all night to the sun
Ah'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
I'm up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
(We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get
We're up all night to get)
(We're up all night to get (together)
We're up all night to get (let's get funked again)
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky)
(We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky)
(We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky)
We've(we're up all night to get lucky)
Come too far(we're up all night to get lucky)
To give up(we're up all night to get lucky)
Who we are(we're up all night to get lucky)
So let's(we're up all night to get lucky)
Raise the bar(we're up all night to get lucky)
And our cups(we're up all night to get lucky)
To the stars(we're up all night to get lucky)
She's up all night to the sun
I'm up all night to get some
She's up all night for good fun
Ah'm up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to the sun
We're up all night to get some
We're up all night for good fun
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
We're up all night to get lucky
“Talk about yer random memories to access, DJ. Now I see why ya said ya like ta sing so much. That was awesome!” Ryan turned to face the mini-Discords, his headgear’s visor showing a very happy expression, “And you five! Yer a total riot! Awesome job!”
“Told you it’d be fun, Ryan! And I have to say, you’ve got a decent set of vocal cords there. It’s a surprise you don’t sing more!”
As the duo continued to laugh and have dialogue all while their headgear flashed the most dazzling colors, Rainbow Dash decided to finally break the stunned silence she and the others were in, “Rys? Two questions? One, what the hell was that? And two, who the hell are they?”
DJ beat Ryan to the punch. “That was a musical interruption, quite common where I come from and very fun. These fine gents,” DJ waved a hoof over the five Discords, the tallest being Ryan’s height and the shortest about as tall as his knee, “are the sons of Discord. Make yourselves known boys!” The five of them went on to say ‘hello’ in typical barbershop format. “They are my assistants: Uno, the leader, Dos, the second-in-command, Tres, the moron, Quatro, the organizer, and Cinco, the treasurer. They have been helping me ever since I arrived in Equestria, and they also make great foalsitters for Nyx and Scootaloo.
“You let creatures of chaos foalsit your children?” Luna asked with a look of disbelief.
“Do you know how hard it is to get a foalsitter for them? How many foalsitters do you know in Ponyville who can handle a daredevil pegasus and the alicorn filly who is Nightmare Moon reincarnate? Here’s a hint: there aren’t any!”
Luna simply stared at him, her mouth going slack before she finally spoke up, “....say what?”
Ryan snapped his fingers, “Oooooh! Okay! At least now another one of the things you said last night makes sense. Curious...Ah’m guessing that’s yet another difference between our worlds. Sort of like how you said you don’t have a Fluffle in yers, we don’t have a Nyx in ours. But as for the Mini-Ds, they seem like rather fine gents so Ah don’t see why ya wouldn’t trust them with watching yer kids. Ah do find it a bit funny the shortest one is the one that handles yer money, though.”
‘Yeah, let’s hope he doesn’t ever short-change you.’
“Oi!” Cinco appeared in front, with a gray beard and a big black hat. His appearance was a very familiar one...although not exactly the best choice.
DJ looked at the draconequus with a deadpan. “That’s incredibly racist you know.”
Cinco merely shrugged. “Still funny.” DJ facehoofed immediately.
Ryan facepalmed as well, “...we’re gonna get so many letters for that.”
‘Don’t worry, partner, I’ve already got the mailbox set up. But...ya gotta admit, those facts all lining up are still kinda silly.’
“...let’s...let’s just move on, shall we?”
Luna coughed quietly, “Agreed. Now then, please answer my question about your daughter, Nyx. You say she is my...other self reincarnated?”
“Yep! That’s my Nyxie, former queen of Equestria! She’s reformed, though, and all of that ‘take over Equestria’ stuff happened years before I even arrived. If I remember right, it was about a month or so after the Crystal Empire returned. Anyway everything’s been set straight, though there has been some...trouble.”
“I see...what a curious deviation from our own world.” Luna nodded before frowning, “What do you mean by “trouble”?”
“There are still some ponies out there who don’t want to forgive Nyx for her mistake. Plenty of them still want ‘Nightmare Moon’ to pay for what she’s done. You haven’t seen either me or Twilight angry until you threaten to kill our daughters.”
“How terrible.” Luna looked to the ground, “To think that a filly has to pay for simply being my true potential.”
What? What’s moon-butt mean about that?
‘...watch it, Malice.’ Dark growled softly but let it slide for the moment, ‘What Woona means is something she told me not too long after we got back and we had a bit of...private time in the dreamscape. Apparently, Nightmare Moon is the full power and potential she is capable of. Normally, she would have developed this and built such power over the hundreds of years just like Tia did. However….because I wasn’t there to help ease her troubled thoughts, she took a shortcut in her anger. I think we all know what happened because of that...’
“Indeed.” Luna sighed, “I still have trouble forgiving myself for that even now. I was so foolish.”
Celestia smiled and placed a wing over her sister, “While we cannot change what happened in the past, we can always make the future a better place for the present. Just remember we’re always here for you, sister.”
“I will. Thank you, sister.”
“At least you’re looking to the future, like my world. That reminds me, do you think you’ll be able to send me home soon? Mom is expecting me to join her at the first annual Amare-ican Convention next week. Twilight was gonna help go through some research I need to be prepared.”
That and we were hoping to visit Scout’s memorial.
Twilight turned to the Princesses and wasn’t sure what to say, “Well...crafting a spell to duplicate what sent you here isn’t exactly an easy thing to do. From what it sounded like, you were trying to make a self-sustained teleportation field that anypony could use. That in and of itself is something I haven’t even thought of doing, let alone anypone else as far as I know.”
“Twilight Sparkle is correct.” Celestia made a soft ‘hmm’ noise, “Replicating that is not the issue...rather, replicating the results of it that sent you hurtling through time and space are. However, if there is anypony that I believe can do such, it is my dear student.”
Twilight gasped, “Me? But...creating a trans-dimensional travel spell. That’s...that’s beyond anything I’ve ever tried.”
“Come on, T-Sparks. Where’s the unending enthusiasm for knowledge?” Ryan ruffled her mane, “Surely you can’t be saying that you, mah always on it bookworm, don’t think you can do it.”
“I’ll do my best! If DJ can help assist me in terms of finding the right magical frequency, we might have a shot of putting something together. I can’t make any promises on it being quick, however.”
“...Well, that sucks, but I do have faith in you Twilight. If you’re anything like mine, then I know you can do it. Speaking of her, I hope Twi isn’t freaking out too bad. If anything, Mom is freaking out the most. What with my sister being missing since last year, me suddenly disappearing is gonna put Cellie in a massive funk.”
And, yet again, the ponies there were completely stunned at this little revelation as several of their jaws hit the floor.
‘Oh yeah, you mentioned being the adopted son of Tia, didn’t you?’
Celestia recovered enough to respond, “Well...I must say that was not something I expected. Though perhaps it helps explain why I felt we could put our trust in you, DJ. There’s one thing I must know, though.”
“And what’s that, Celestia?”
“....am I thinner? I’m sure my other self loves the cake as much as I do, but I just wanna make sure I’m not falling behind in the Celestia standings.”
Dark audibly facepalmed, ‘This again, Tia? I already told you you look fine.’
“I...I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
I know how!
“Malice shut up now before you get both of us banished to the sun!” DJ simply shook his head as Malice started laughing up a storm. “Anyway, I’m starving. Let’s get some breakfast! And while we do that, I’ll even tell y’all a story!”
“Yay! Story Time! What story is it?”
“It’s the story of tragedy, patriotism, bravery, and sacrifice. Tis the tale of the Changeling Revolution and the rise of the United Hives of Amare-ica!”
“That pun...this Ah cannot wait to hear! Come on everypone! Me and Pink will whip up our famous Struepleberry Pancakes!”
“Oh yay! Those are the bestest, Rysy-Wysy! Race you ta the kitchen!”
“Yay! Pancakes! The ultimate breakfast!”
“Ah’ll say, DJ.” AppleJack chuckled, “Ah still don’t know what all they put into their pancakes, but it’s certainly addicting. That being said…”
AppleJack then ran off behind Ryan and Pinkie, soon followed by the others leaving DJ standing there alone.
Hey! Kid! You’re letting the ponies beat us to food! Get moving!
“Okay, y’all! Super pancakes are go!” Ryan remarked, bringing out a large tray of them to match the tray Pinkie had, “Get ‘em while they’re hot!”
“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” DJ gasped after smelling the delicious aroma.
Snickering, Ryan helped dole out the pancakes before sitting down himself with his own. As the ponies (and one human) began to munch, Dark couldn’t help but comment, ‘Heh, I think DJ is a fan of your pancakes. So much so, he’s too busy stuffing his face to talk...or notice he’s getting syrup all over his muzzle.’
“Hmm?” DJ looked down to see himself covered in food and syrup. “Oops, well it’s easy enough to fix.” DJ suddenly licked himself clean with one big lick, like he was a cartoon. “Man, I love Pinkie Physics! By the way Luna, what was it like on the moon? My aunt once told me that both of her imprisonments were very lonely, yet the view was very beautiful. Celestia said that after her own banishment, she would much rather be on the moon instead of the sun; turns out she’s not a big fan of fire. Just want to compare facts just in case Malice dooms us both.”
Luna got really quiet at mention of her banishment, setting down her fork and staring at her plate, “...it was quiet. And desolate...even with my palace there, it just...reminded me of all that had angered me...and disappointed me. Of things that should not have happened...of what I lost...and my thoughts. All these led me to be so corrupted in my thoughts despite parts of Nightmare Moon being stripped from me after sister had to act to save our world. I...missed Dark...but I also hated him for dying. It was like I was arguing with myself. The silence would be enough to drive one mad…”
‘Woona...’
“I even began to hallucinate, and think Dark was there with me. That he didn’t blame me for what I did, and that he felt it unfair that Tia didn’t listen to me more. The longer time marched on, the more I molded this imaginary Dark into my perfect knight, whose love for me surpassed what I knew was wrong.” Luna sighed, “And so my anger and frustration grew until I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Then my day came, 1,000 years later, and my rage was unleashed…”
“Sister…”
“Heh, but thankfully all turned out okay in the end. The moon is beautiful, and the view of Earth is spell-binding in a way. But without anyone else there, it is quiet. Far too quiet for one to bear. I hope that has answered your question, DJ Sparkle.”
“As for the sun...while I know not why your Celestia was banished, the sun is...well it is hot. To me it is not all that unpleasant, as I know how to handle it, but I can imagine one that does not would find it an unnerving experience.” Celestia grimaced slightly before looking towards DJ, “So then...do those answers suffice? Though these additional banishments...they intrigue me as to what must have happened to cause them. Hopefully something that will not befall our world as well.”
“Oh, I doubt it will happen here, considering it was Nyx who banished the both of them when she took over Equestria. I don’t think it was longer than a month, though. It wasn’t her fault, lots of crazy stuff went on back then.”
Celestia smirked, “I see. That eases my mind, though I have the feeling that lots of crazy stuff still happens, most likely thanks to you, DJ.”
“...Why do I keep getting blamed for all this stuff?”
“That’s an easy one, DJ: as humans, shenanigans are bound to follow us no matter what we do. So we’re kinda doomed in those regards, partner.”
“Damn it! Well, I promised you a story, so allow me spin a tale. A little over a year ago, my family and I went on a little vacation. I can’t go into the details of said vacation because it will play its part here, no doubt. Anyway, near the end of our trip, we were attacked by Chrysalis and her changelings. I was able to get Twilight, Spike, Nyx, and Scootaloo away, but I ended up being left behind. Trying to find my way back, I ended up in the middle of Chrysalis’ hive and was imprisoned almost immediately.”
“Wait, so yer Chrissy is still...nefarious? Ah don’t wanna say evil because Ah don’t know if that fits her. Seein’ as ours ran off from a broken mind after she thought she’d killed me, Ah gotta wonder something: what in tarnation happened in yer world during the events of Shiny and Cadance’s wedding? It’s obvious she didn’t win, but how did it end?”
‘...I’m actually kinda curious about that too. Ever since Mallie said something about beating up Chrissy, I’ve been wanting to know how different that event went...and what came about because of that difference. How did the other versions of the herd stop the invasion? And what did that set in motion?’
“Basically, Cadance and Shining Armor blasted Chrysalis and the changelings back to the Badlands with a super-powerful love shield. To put in simple terms, it was like getting beat with a sandwich for them. After that went down, she wanted revenge for her humiliation and failure, blinding her to everything else. When I arrived at the hive, there were piles and piles of dead and dying changelings in the streets. And you want to know the main difference between our Chrysalises? One word gentlemen: Communism.”
“What an odd word...what is this, Communism?”
“Simply put, T-Sparks, it’s both a social viewpoint and form of government from mah world...apparently DJ’s as well it seems.” Ryan tried to think of the best way to put it for the pones, “Basically, everyone is supposed to be equal in everything. With work. With belongings. With everything. There is no ‘I’, so to speak. It is all ‘for the people’ and things are done not for your own gain, but for the gain of all.”
“Well that doesn’t sound all that bad.”
“Unfortunately, hon, it’s not all that clean-cut. It seldom ever stays in its utopian-esque description and so you mostly end up with a whole bunch of people at the bottom living in misery and those that “rule”, if you will, being above everyone else and living off their work in a unbalanced mess. There’s a reason not many countries are left using it, as it’s a nice theory...but in practical application it’s terrible since most people have no opportunity to become anything.”
‘So if your Chrysalis was communistic, I can only imagine that things there must’ve been pretty shit for there to be so many dead changelings. She became too focused on revenge and let her people suffer, didn’t she?’
“In a nutshell. She was so hell bent on taking over Equestria, that she even tried to turn me into a changeling! Several times, over two months! Not fun. She wasn’t the brightest bug, since she basically wanted to rule over the ponies with an iron hoof. She wanted the love Equestria has, but she was being stupid about it. Taking over the ponies would have destroyed the love, Sombra proved that.”
“...that is a pretty big difference.”
Rainbow Dash eyed her human oddly, “What d’ya mean, Rys? Isn’t that exactly what bug-butt tried to do?”
“Don’t ya remember what Ah told ya, about how Ah talked with her before things went south really fast and she stabbed me? Chrissy, the real one and not the one drunk on our love, only wanted to look out for her family. She said she wanted to take over, but that she didn’t want to hurt anyone. Ah’ve thought on that for a while, and Ah think she wanted Equestria to remember that they were still around. That they wanted to reintegrate into society so that she could protect her children.”
“Still around? Children? What are you guys talking about?”
‘It’s simple, DJ: in our world, back when I was still my own self all those years ago, there was a hive of Changelings nearby that myself and my mentor, Star-Swirled, visited on behalf of Tia and Woona. We made peace with them and worked out means to help each other live. Though in the time since then, it’s pretty obvious that pony-kind forgot about them for one reason or another...until the wedding incident anyway.’ Dark sighed softly, ‘As for children...well, Chrissy was just a mother that wanted to do whatever she could to save her children. In other words, the Changelings of her hive.’
“Huh, I guess that’s the kind of person Chryssie wanted to be in my world. She was the mother of all changelings, too. Although, she did have a birth daughter, Queen Insectum, and the rest were hatched from eggs. Back to the story, during my imprisonment, I befriended my two day guards. They were pleasant, unlike those bastard night guards. They would hit me with a spear if I was smiling while I slept! Jerks. Anyway, as the weeks went on I got to know Scout and Sting and we became fast friends. I learned changeling culture from them and I taught them about my home country. After a while, I was introduced to Insectum, who brought me into her resistance movement against her mother. She, too, realized that if things continued as they were, their race would starve off. I agreed to help them in exchange for my freedom, as well as to get back my swords.”
“Yer swords, huh? Hmmm….”
“How very interesting. I was not aware that Changelings were capable of live birth.” Celestia tapped her chin, “When we made contact with the Hive that lived here all those years ago, we never thought they reproduced other than by hatching. Though...thinking on it, they did have those that were of the royal family...so odds are they birthed them. How curious...Perhaps Chrysalis here is the same and has a daughter or son as well?”
‘...if she did, that explains her actions even more…..!’ There was an audible noise, as if Dark smacked his forehead, ‘Ryan!’
Ryan sighed and hung his head, “Ah know partner...Ah just had the same thought. The one changeling that was unfortunate enough to impale himself on Malus Domestica. She took his death really, really, really hard. Ah...could he….and if so then….”
Sensing their distress, Luna leaned over and nuzzled Ryan’s cheek, “Her fury was indeed that of a mother in grief...while we may not know the truth, my dear human, it is perhaps a good guess.”
“Dammit...Ah wish...Ah wish Ah could find her and make things right. One day, perhaps….maybe.” Ryan took a deep breath, “Anyway...sorry about that, DJ. You were saying...about this resistance? Ah’m assuming ya ended up getting yer weapons back….and that things went well enough since yer here talking to us.”
“...Um, not exactly,” DJ said with a sad look. “Let’s continue. After three weeks of intensive training and planning, everything was ready and it was time to strike. I was sent ahead to make sure the path was clear, being that I’m not a changeling, when lo and behold I run into my rescue team! Twilight, Spike, Shining Armor, Pixel Berry and a few other guards had come to get me out. Good thing my message got through. They agreed to help with the revolution and together we stormed Chrysalis’ castle. That’s when everything went bad. As we all got stuck fighting other changelings, Scout had a shot at Chrysalis, so he took it. She stopped him, however, and from what little I overheard, she said that if he was going to refuse his place in the hive, then he would have no place in it. And then... she ran him through with her horn, tossing him away like trash.”
“Ugh. That’s...pretty rough.” Ryan lifted his hand up and rubbed the right side of his chest, “Ah know from experience just how much that horn of hers can hurt. Seeing as you said memorial...Ah’m sorry, DJ. Scout sounds like he was a pretty awesome guy, and losing someone like that is a definitely a tragedy.”
Yeah, but now we get to the fun part! Let me tell the rest kid, I so love regaling!
“Fine, ya chaotic prick. Don’t go overboard and don’t reveal too much!”
‘Oh yes, please leave some surprises for later, Mallie. Otherwise it won’t be as much fun when we get to test our might, so to speak.’
Once you hear my story, Dark, you may not be so eager. Anyway, once Scout had taken the fall, Insectum asked the kid to aid her changelings. See, we originally had been told not to touch Chrysalis, as a changeling needed to be the one to usurp her. The princess basically gave us permission to beat the shit out of her mother. Lo and behold, DJ here says it’s not him that will be fighting, but me! That’s right, ol’ Malice was released on bug bitch! Oh she thought she was strong enough to beat me, but I started out strong by bashing myself right into her. Then, with a little magic, I shot some spears at her, the first of which completely sheared off her left wing! Ah, that was a marvelous sight, seeing her scream in pain like that; music to my ears, I tell ya. After a few more, I decided to end things, so I started to choke her to death. Only Insectum stopped me before I could finish the deed, so I gave her one of our swords and told her to finish it. After that, I let the kid take back over.
“...my, what a….charming story.”
“Ah’m with Rares there...Ah guess she did kinda have it comin’ fer being so blind, but damn Malice. Me thinks there’s a bit of pent-up frustration within you.”
‘I don’t know, Ryan, seems about right to me. And you were strong enough to take Chrissy down, eh? Albeit one that was probably a little love-starved. Still...’ Dark chuckled softly, ‘Intriguing.’
Luna eyed her human oddly, “I do not think intriguing is the word I would use, my dear Darkness. Psychotic is more the word that comes to mind.”
“That’s an understatement, Luna. Story doesn’t end there. After I was put back in control, Insectum spared Chrysalis’ life, but instead severed her horn. Changeling horns are the source of their magic, including their transformations, and they don’t ever grow back. Insectum took control and sentenced her mother to a prison cell for the rest of her days. As we gathered around Scout, Insectum allowed him one final request. He asked if the Changeling Hives could be renamed now that they had a new way of life. He asked if it could be called Amare-ica, a homage to the stories of bravery and rebellion I told him and Sting. Insectum gladly accepted, renaming her country the United Hives of Amare-ica, or UHA for short. Scout died with a smile on his face. All in all, a hundred and one changelings were lost in the coup, but everything worked out. When I returned, I helped forge a peace treaty between our two nations, one that still stands strong. Changelings are now a common sight all around Equestria, mostly as traders and salesponies, but some have moved out into the country. Sting even has a vacation house in Ponyville so he can visit every now and then. Things have been nice since then.”
“Okay...ow to the horn bit. Not that yer Chrissy didn’t have it coming, honestly. And it’s a pity this Scout fellow isn’t around to meet, with a play on words like that...Ah think we would’ve gotten along quite well. At least it worked out in the end…” Ryan frowned, “At least now Ah know what all you were going on about last night while we were getting hammered. Hmm….”
“Ah know that look, Apple Ryder...yer thinking about our Chrysalis ain’tcha?”
“Heh...you always do seem ta know what Ah’m thinking, Apps. Yeah...it’s funny to see how just something as simple as mah presence could alter events so much. The collective of realities is a very curious place.”
“You have no idea. As Doc says, wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. That’s the shiz we’re dealing with Ryan, my boy. If my little sis was here, she’d probably be freaking out and having fun! Aaaaand now I’m sad again.”
“Hmmmm, you know the Doctor?
“Who?”
“Exactly!” Ryan snickered, “Though Ah doubt ours is the same as yers given how ridiculous things already are. Sad again? Well now, we can’t have that, can we?”
“No we can’t, Rysy-Wysy!” Pinkie nodded so fast her head seemed like it was going to fly off, “No friend of ours will be sad!”
‘Hmmm...but what ta do? What can we do to cheer up our new bestest friends DJ and Mallie-kun?’
I don’t know about him, but kicking your ass right now would definitely put a smile on my face. A sick, demented, and twisted smile, but a smile nonetheless.
‘Oh Mallie, yer such a jokester...’ Dark did the equivalent of narrowing his eyes and smirking, though only Malice could see it, ‘You make it sound like that’s an easy thing to do...while I have no doubt you’ve got some strength to you, rest assured a fight against me would not be easy nor would it mean the kicking of my magnificent posterior.’
One, I never joke. Every threat I have told since we met has been very real and I meant every word. And I do indeed realize that a fight between us would be difficult and you know what I have to say to that? It’s about fucking time! We need a challenge, even though I know you aren’t stronger than us.
“He’s got you there, guys.”
Ryan stopped mid-bite, the pancake piece he was about to chew dramatically falling out of his mouth as he very slowly put the fork down and turned to face DJ, “Ah’m sorry...it would appear there was something stupid in my ear there. Ah swear Ah just heard ya say that you and Malice are stronger than us….but Ah must be mistaken. There’s no way that’s what you said.”
‘Uh oh...Ah know that look.’ AppleJack thought as she looked at Ryan nervously, ‘Hoowee, this is gonna end only one way: crazy!’
The rest of his herd in general had also come to the same conclusion, sharing the same nervous glances, as Ryan waited patiently for DJ’s response.
DJ looked back at Ryan with a smirk. “I can sense your power, Ryan. It is nothing compared to mine. I don’t know what that ‘element’ thing was earlier, but it is nothing compared to a true rage shift. You know not the powers that I possess.”
To that Ryan simply laughed, “True, Ah’m sure you can sense mah power. At least, that is the power that Ah let you sense. And trust me, an Elemental Sync is nothing to be dismissed. My adventures lately have certainly shown me that much. Yer pretty cocky, kid, but youth does that to ya. It’s not yer fault.”
I think he needs a taste of what we can do, kid.
“I think you’re right, Malice. So then, Ryan, why don’t I give you an example of what true anger looks and feels like.” DJ went still, closing his eyes, and his breathing slowed. Nopony or human moved… and then a rush of power spread through them all. DJ opened his eyes, making several of the mares recoil as they revealed pure black nothingness. “This is a rage shift, my friends. Magic in its purest state, released through what is commonly referred to as ‘killing intent’. Quite the impression, don’t you think?”
‘Hmmm...well now, that’s about what I expected from one that’s had time to master it. I’d say that puts you….what say you, Woona? Is his Rage Shift about the same level as Jessica’s Elemental Sync?’
Luna regarded DJ’s new state for quite a bit before nodding, “Yes. It would appear it is the same style as hers, though he still has some way to go before actually mastering it.”
“Were I wager a comparison, it would seem his is on par with my student’s Elemental Sync.” Celestia looked to Twilight and then back at DJ, “The pressure is the same...but something seems different. Rougher. Not the ‘killing intent’, that parts about the same. The only thing I can think of is that somehow that crude spirit of DJ’s is causing a strange interference effect. That might explain his eyes.”
“Even if that is true, Princess, I feel this is a bit intense for breakfast.” Rarity went to swoon, but as usual Ryan caught her easily, “Oh thank you, darling.”
“Heh, no problem Rare-bear. Ah know that the whole fighting thing isn’t yer strong suit.” Ryan helped Rarity sit up before he got up himself. Cracking his neck and then his knuckles, he laughed softly before staring into DJ’s stoic eyes, “That certainly is a rather nice bit of magic...but come now, boys, no need to go off so fast. We haven’t even gotten a suitable arena yet. If we’re to truly take you seriously and unleash all of our potential, we need somewhere—and the assistance of someone—to make that happen. Ah think Ah can handle those details, so what do y’all say?”
“Hmm, let me check something first.” DJ cleared his throat and looked down at his watch/necklace. “Hey, Omni? How much power I got?”
“I currently am at 99% capacity, sir. More than enough for yours and sir Ryan’s duel.”
“Thank you, Omni!” DJ turned back to Ryan with a smirk. “You got yourself a fight, Ryan mah friend. But believe me, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
“Hahaha, that’s good ta know. Ah’d hate ta be the only one giving out such lovely surprise gifts at this little shindig, after all.” Ryan took DJ’s hoof and shook it, “By the way...it’s nice ta see yer a fan of those movies too. Makes the Omnitrix sound quite classy. Now then, if you and Malice would give us just a short amount of moments to make the preparations, we can get to lighting the fireworks. Oh...and Ah hope ya liked breakfast. Always gotta make time for the most important meal of the day!”
Pinkie giggled, “But Rysy-Wysy, you say that about every meal of the day!”
Ryan sighed, facepalming at Pinkie being herself. This was clearly what was needed to ease the tension some as everypony there began laughing at the human’s annoyance. Still, Ryan and DJ couldn’t help but fiercely stare each other down as the laughter slowly faded before he and Dark finally left to prepare a fitting arena for their throwdown.
“....what is this place?”
‘This, DJ and Mallie, is a lovely little room that I’m actually surprised is still here. It was created so many years ago by a close friend of mine to allow me ample room and safety in which to practice my magic and other skills.’
“Okay, but...why did we access it through a bathroom closet.”
‘Oh! That...that’s a good question.’ Dark thought on it, ‘One that I can’t answer as the layout of the castle has changed a bit since then. Woona? Tia? Any answers?’
“Uhm…” Celestia seemed caught unaware, “Well…you know...when one gets to be as old as I am you can’t always remember where every door goes in this massive place so….”
“So it would seem that, while I was imprisoned on the moon, Tia did some redecorating and accidentally placed a bathroom near where your training room was.” Luna sighed, “Oh sister….well, look on the bright side my dear Darkness: should you find the need to go, at least you needn’t go far to answer the call.”
‘That’s my gal for ya!’ Dark laughed, ‘But yes...this large area should fit our needs nicely. I always liked the good old wasteland, prime for some kick-ass training! And I didn’t even have to be a Yoshi to do it!’
“....why didn’t you tell me about this place, Dark?” Ryan looked around, “This would’ve been helpful with my training.”
‘...I forgot?’
And everypony promptly crashed to the ground at that, sighing at they stood up.
‘What?! I do have amnesia to a degree, ya know? It’s not like I remember everything from a thousand years ago! Sheesh.’
...I knew he was a good for nothin’, senile, old man.
“Malice, be nice. At least until the fight starts, then you can insult them however you feel like.”
You really know how to make this demon’s day, don’t ya kid.
“We were once one in the same, plus I get the feeling I’m gonna need the you-know-what for this fight.”
Sweet!
“...the “you-know-what”?” Fluttershy fidgeted a bit before seeming nervous, “Oh...what could that be?”
Ryan smiled, scratching her ears to calm her down. “Relax, Flutters. What’s an epic crossover fight without some suspenseful secrets? Heaven knows Ah’ve got mah fair share of secrets for this. But at any rate, we have our arena….and now then, we simply need the other component necessary for us to truly get down with our bad selves. Dark?”
‘Hmmm? Oh, right! Seeing as we’re here now and If I’m not mistaken, we should only have to wait till….now.’
There was a loud noise, like one blowing a huge party-favor, and then with a poof of confetti and—were those candy streamers?—delightful chaotic magic smoke there appeared the one, the only….
“I’m Discord, baby! YEAH!” Discord struck a pose, “Hmmm...it would appear you were right, little dragon, that was the dear boy and Darkness we sensed.”
“See?! I told you we should cut our training short and check this out!” Spike proudly beamed, “But uh….hold on a second here? One, two….three? Three alicorns? That’s not right.”
“Oh my, it would seem you’re right.” Discord poofed over to DJ’s side and looked him over….and then sniffed him, “I say, you aren’t from around here….but you have this very familiar chaotic scent about you. Have we met? If we have, please forgive me, but being the loveable chaos deity I am there’s just so much going on upstairs that sometimes things just slip my mind.”
With that Discord’s mind literally slipped out of his head, bouncing across the ground and landing on Ryan’s head.
“...okay. Ew.”
“Oh poo, and to think you’re supposed to be the one that minds my antics the least.” Discord scoffed, removing his brain from Ryan’s head and placing it back in his.
‘Did...did you have to unscrew the top of your head to do that, Cordy?’
“No. But that was more fun.” Discord chuckled, “But all fun aside, who exactly is this unknown alicorn? A new friend? Oh, I hope so. I do so love making new...friends.”
Yeah, that came out creepy.
“Eeyup.”
Discord frowned, “Well there’s no need to be so rude about it. I’m only trying my best. It has been quite some time since I’ve tried my hand at this making new friends thing.”
‘It’s okay, Cordy. You’re just a bit rusty.’
Discord nodded, instantly rusting over and squeaking as he moved, “Perhaps so, Darkness. But, and I know this is rare coming from me, in all seriousness...who are you?”
“I’m DJ Sparkle, Prince of Magic from an alternate Equestria, as well as a former human.”
I’m Malice, the kid’s discorded side. Also known as the Demon Within, all I crave is death, destruction, and of course chaos, baby!
“Chaos? Oh, I love that subject! It’s what I got the most ‘A’s in!” Discord poofed over and placed an arm around DJ, “So let me see here...I am a quick study, just ask Cels and Moona that one. Judging by things, you’re married to your Equestria’s Twilight, you obviously know the other me—oh if only I could meet him, the things we’d do—and Malice? That would explains the smell….”
Hey!
“...but discorded? So then this is what would happen if you discorded a human…hmmmm.” Discord stroked his beard before sighing, “I must say I’m disappointed. Such a one-track mind. I’m actually glad now I could not do that here, it would’ve been rather boring otherwise.”
‘Oooooooh! Somebody get a rubber band, cause ‘Oh snap!’’
Pshh, like I need this Discord’s approval. The one back home already pretty much shits himself whenever I get involved. He’s actually sworn off ever discording anything ever again because of my creation. And I do not have a one track mind! I just have my priorities straight.
“Basically from our research, the discording of a human is very much similar to that of a ponies,” DJ said, going into the very familiar ‘egghead’ mode. “It simply takes it a step further by creating the discorded being in a separate form. Malice is the way he is because he is my opposite, being a creature of pure chaos, where I am considered, by my mother’s own words, a creature of harmony. It was certainly an interesting subject when Twi and I were having our Spring Research session.”
Ryan smirked as he gently ruffled Twilight’s mane, “Remind ya of anypony?”
Twilight rolled her eyes before nudging Ryan’s side, “Don’t be rude, dear.”
“Hmmm...yes, the whole Yin-Yang thing. Balance is key, many have noted that after all.” Discord nodded before shrugging, “Boring, but needed. Also, whatever helps you sleep at night, Mallie. The other me certainly doesn’t sound like he’s seen the shit I have, but then again he probably didn’t have Darkness Shade to deal with so….”
‘Hey!’
“Sorry, Darkness, but I do mean that with all the love my friendship can muster. You did drive me to places I never dreamed I’d go alone, so it’s more compliment than insult. Now then...dear boy, what is going on here?”
“Oh, nothing, just me and Dark getting ready to have a little fun and show DJ and Malice that they might not be as tough as they think they are.”
Discord grinned, rubbing his hands together maniacally, “You don’t say? A little smack talk is always fun! But, these two don’t seem weak...you’re incredibly excited, aren’t you?”
“And you wouldn’t be, Disky?”
“Alas, dear boy, you’ve read me like a book. I suspect, however, that you wish for some help from me.”
‘That was the plan...glad to see you showed up like I hoped.’
“Say no more! I know exactly what you want!” Discord raised his hand high, snapping his fingers, “There!”
“....okay, what did he do?” DJ looked around, “He put himself and the others in...are those stadium-style seats? I guess so they can watch the fight but...what else did he do?”
Ryan cracked his knuckles as he let his magic start to flare up, “Oh, he simply made it so that we can go all out. You see, we don’t have to hold back. While our attacks will hurt, they won’t do any permanent damage. So those little cylinders hanging off ya? You can set those lightsabers of yours to full power. And you’ll want to, if ya wanna try and win anyway. I wanna see all that yer capable of, and that includes any other forms besides pony you’ve got.”
‘And as for our friends and family...’ Dark smirked as Ryan lifted his hand and let loose a blast towards them...where it harmlessly evaporated long before it ever got near them, ‘They’re nice and safe behind Cordy’s magic. So we can truly go hog-wild and not worry about any collateral damage. Oh, Mallie-kun, I can sense yer excitement from here~’
Kid? Do whatever you have to to shut him up!
DJ smirked. “Was already planning on it. Now let’s get started strongly, Saiyan Up!” DJ returned to a human-like stature, but the girls noticed that he seemed much more muscular as well as a monkey-like tail on his rear. DJ opened up his jacket, revealing his two prized weapons and summoned them to his hands, igniting them on contact. A blue blade, held in a reverse position, sparked to life in his left hand, while a green one was held normally in his right. “Are you ready for this?”
“Curiouser and curiouser you become, DJ. Heh, and that form of yers will only make what Ah have planned even more fitting.” Ryan reached behind himself and slowly drew his sword. Malus Domestica’s orange apple jewel reflected brightly in the magical sunlight of the wasteland as he slowly brought it into position before readying his stance, “Let’s see just how well you can handle those things.”
With that, Ryan lifted up his other arm, upturned his hand, and gestured for DJ to bring it. DJ smirked in response and lifted his right hand towards Ryan. The next instant, a storm’s worth of lightning was released from DJ’s hand heading straight towards his opponent. An eyebrow raised at the impressive light show, Ryan brought Malus Domestica up in front of him and dashed at the lighting. As his blade met the magical electricity, it parted the storm and sent the split fragments spreading outwards where they created a massive dust cloud upon exploding on the ground.
“Not bad, not bad.”
“Most impressive, Ryan. You are honestly the first to have ever taken on my Force lightning like that.”
“Well, ya know what they say: sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Then again, Malus Domestica isn’t exactly a normal sword….but you’ll find that out soon enough.”
“Perhaps, but you have yet to see anything.” DJ charged forward, his speed unlike anything they had seen before.
‘He’s fast.’ Dark noted as Ryan quickly tapped his hand to his feet, ‘But we can be fast too.’
“Eyup.” Ryan smirked, the now glowing bottoms of his feet allowing him to dash backwards staying just out of reach of DJ’s swords as they practically flew across the ground, “You’ve got some skill, dude, Ah won’t deny that. Let’s see how far ya can push me. Can you unlock all mah tricks? First, however, something sweet!”
Reaching behind his back, Ryan pulled out a massive shoulder-mounted cannon of sorts that any fan of his would instantly recognize from a certain birthday incident. Taking aim at DJ and smirking, he lined up his shot and took it, “Tasty Cannon! FIRE!”
...what the hell is he up to? Is that…!
“...that looks like a Tesla Cannon, but that’s not lightning he’s firing. It’s….what is that?” DJ threw his hands up and shot lightning at it, only for it to be diffused by the attack, “The hell?!”
...frosting? He shot us with...pink frosting!?
‘And sprinkles, Mallie! There’s sprinkles in that too!’
DJ simply stood there, confused as all out at this bizarre attack of Ryan’s. In fact, he simply just gave Ryan a look as if to say ‘what the hell was that?’.
Ryan smirked and stuck out his tongue, “What? All mah attacks have ta be serious? You’d be surprised how much a hoot Sweet Revenge is at parties! Oh, hold on a second!”
Aiming the Tasty Cannon towards his herd, he fired and wasn’t surprised when a certain pink pony broke through the shield momentarily to gobble it all up before landing back in her chair.
“Thanks Rysy-Wysy! Yer the bestest!”
“Heh, anytime Pinks.” Ryan holstered and poofed away Sweet Revenge before striking a stance with his sword once more, “Sorry about that, but that lovely party pone of mine just loves that move...mostly because she said it’s the best sugar rush she’s ever had. Though...Ah do have to wonder just how she doesn’t get fat eating such a massive amount of frosting like that.”
"Trust me, you don't wanna know." Both he and Malice shuddered. "Some things can never be unseen." DJ flicked his wrist, bring all the frosting that covered him into a ball that floated above his hand and let it drop to the floor. "I'm glad this jacket is enchanted. Rarity would probably kill me for getting it covered in frosting. Then Spike would probably get mad that I made his mare friend mad."
‘Ah. I did always have ta wonder if Ryan hadn’t ended up here whether or not Spikester and Ra-Ra would have hooked up.’ Dark laughed softly, ‘But I hear you on the jacket thing. Nice to see you appreciate them just as much.’
“You can’t be a real fighter without one,” DJ quipped with a smirk. “Now, enough with the tricks, Ryan. If you aren’t gonna take us seriously, then we might have to change the rules a little bit.” DJ’s smile turned dark, and his eyes once again reverted into black voids.
“Oh, but we are taking you seriously. Ah don’t just use that move on anypony after all.” Ryan laughed softly, “Rage Shifting already, eh? Haha, well then...Ah suppose if you wanna upgrade our fight to the next step this early in the game...Ah’m more than happy ta oblige.”
With that Ryan formed a fist with his left hand before yelling loudly as a burst of cold magic exploded outwards from him. When it settled, his hair was in icy spikes and his eyes had changed as well, taking an iced over look that was much more focused than his usual one.
“Of course, Ah’m no dummy. That snowflake on yer butt pretty much screams ice magic being your forte...which kinda confuses me that yer Rage Shift is fire-based. Either way, you’re not gonna get any kinda advantage with me using ice moves. That being the case, it’s best Ah match you in number as well, lest things get boring.”
“Good, I was afraid I had to do something drastic to get your attention, now then…” DJ jumped up into the air, spinning around for a quick moment before dive bombing. “Let’s see how you handle that sword!”
Ryan smirked, placing a hand over the hilt of his sword. “Oh, yer about ta see just how Ah handle mah sword. Propogate! Malus Domestica!”
...what? Kid, what the hell did he just say?
“I don’t know, something about the mating rituals of apples? Either way, I don’t know why he’d say such a thing now of all times.”
Just as DJ was about to make contact, Ryan pulled his hand away to reveal another Malus Domestica that he used to help block and hold back the incoming attack.
“Oh… that’s why. Neat trick, but not enough!” Still locked in combat, DJ flexed his fingers just enough to exert a burst of Force energy in Ryan’s direction, sending the human back a few feet. DJ landed on the ground, still smiling widely. “If ya got tricks like that up your sleeve, I can’t wait to see what comes next!”
“Heh...so that’s what that feels like. Neat.” Ryan smirked, spinning his katanas once before striking another stance, “And don’t worry, there’s plenty of surprises in these sleeves of mine...even though technically right now Ah’m wearing a short sleeve shirt, don’t let that think mah surprises are few. Just felt like clarifying that. Anyway…”
‘Here we come, Mallie!’ Dark shouted as Ryan sprung forward on his magnetically enhanced shoes and brought Malus Domestica slicing towards DJ, ‘Let’s see what kinda fancy swordplay you two can do!’
DJ, relying on his enhanced instincts, dodged the first slice, propelling backwards before charging forward himself. “You’re gonna wish you never said that!” He swung out his right blade, aiming for Ryan’s neck.
Thinking quickly, Ryan crossed the component of Malus Domestica in his right hand over his left arm to block the energy blade aimed straight for him, “Heh...well, that actually worked. Ah’ll admit, Ah had mah doubts, but it seems the Doc certainly wasn’t boasting falsely when he mentioned what he did to Malus Domestica. This really will be something fun! Also…yer actually trying to kill me. Good! That’s the whole point of this little set-up anyway! To go super crazy!”
‘Hmmm, got some skill in ya, that’s for sure. And yer not afraid to get in close...not bad, Mallie.’
I’m just glad the kid is actually listening to me for once!
“Well, you are a master battle strategist, partner. I’d be a fool not to listen to you in this fight. But don’t think I’ve gotten serious just yet, Ryder. Trust me, when I really let loose, you’ll know… because you won’t be able to stop me!”
“Oooh, Ah like the sound of that. Hahaha, let’s see how deep the rabbit hole really is then!”
With that Ryan dashed back before bringing his swords up again and charging DJ, the two clashing over and over as sword met saber. The others were rather drawn to the fight, mostly because they were a bit surprised at how well DJ was keeping up with their human.
“Oh...oh…eeep! Ryan…” Fluttershy hid behind Rarity, “Oh! I hope he’s okay...that other pony is crazy!”
“Well, Ah reckon Ah didn’t expect something like this happening. He’s some kinda human but more like monkey with that tail. Apple Ryder sure didn’t seemed too phased though. Ah wonder why?”
Discord munched noisily on his popcorn, “Oh why bother with such trivial details, ladies? I can only hope the popcorn I brought with me will last the whole fight.”
“Oh that’s okay, Discord! If you start to run low, my portable hole has a huge stockpile of snacks in it!” Pinkie giggled, “If you’re a good boy, then I’ll let you enter my hole.”
‘....wow, the innuendo on that one, partner.’
Ryan couldn’t help but grin despite the fact that DJ’s latest blow sent one of his swords flying off where it embedded itself in the ground, “That’s Pinks for ya. She sure knows how to pick a moment.”
Dashing backwards quickly, Ryan took a breath before nodding, “Not bad...that stance is certainly something else, but Ah can tell one thing: you’ve had some scuffles with Shiny haven’t ya?”
“Well, him and Spike. Little bro’s pretty good with those brace blades I made him. One of the few inventions that didn’t blow up in my face,” DJ panted out, starting to feel the effects of the fight. “You should see the scars I got from making the first batch of TVs, that was something painful!”
“So yer little bro can fight too, huh? Well, that’s pretty interesting we’ve sparred with the same people-pone-dudes. Although our Spike uses some pretty interesting gauntlets. And man...those things hurt.” Ryan laughed softly, “Oh man...Ah feel ya on inventions blowing up dude. While Ah haven’t had one explode in my face like yer TVs apparently did, there’s been a lot of fires…a lot of fires.”
“I know about fires, too. Bet I got one that can beat anything you ever had!”
“Heh. Well now, that sounds interesting. What did you do, burn down the castle or something? Oh wait! No, you burned down the library didn’t you?”
DJ gave him a confused look. “Do you really think that if I burned down the library I would still be alive to speak with you?”
Ryan thought about it for a moment before nodding slightly, “Good point. If yer Twilight is anything like mah T-Sparks, you’d probably be a dead man, er, pony. I remember one time I accidentally creased a page in some ‘super, special, first print’ edition of ‘Daring Do and the Something or other’...you’ll forgive me if Ah don’t remember, but my memory of that whole moment is a bit foggy. In fact, Ah don’t really remember what happened, Ah just know that after that gap in mah memory, there’s this feeling of shame that Ah can’t quite explain.”
“Be careful with your wording! I don’t need any innuendos about you and Twilight, it was already creepy enough seeing her snuggling with you the other night. Anyway, back to the invention. It was a remote control submarine I dubbed the U.S.S. Celestia. On her maiden voyage, she sunk to the bottom of the lake. Only, she sunk… while on fire. You know the worst part about it? There was not a single bit of flammable material on that craft, yet it still randomly burst into flames six feet below the water.”
“Wow. So you sucked so hard on that invention, you literally set water on fire.” Ryan doubled over in laughter, “That’s like being such a terrible cook you burn water! How does one even get something to burn underwater?”
“Honestly? THAT’S WHAT I WANNA KNOW!! I know one thing, though. Never making another submarine, unh uh. I’m gonna stick to my TV business. Last fall’s season was a big hit and this year’s is turning out better than we hoped!”
“Well, Ah always did think the pones would love television...heh, maybe one day Ah can bring it here. Maybe...Ah do kinda like how peaceful it is. Still, Ah am about to introduce the iPone thanks to T-Sparks, Cellie, and Lunes’ help in reverse-engineering the tech that came with me so we’ll see how that goes first.” Ryan took a deep breath before smirking, “Oh yeah...so...let’s see. Yer skills on the ground are pretty good...there’s no doubt. And you handle that form pretty impressively, though Ah do wonder how long yer limit is using Omni like that.”
‘From what I can tell of your memories...he’s using it freely so there’s no time limit on forms?’
“...Ah do recall the series having a moment like that, something about that’s how the unlocked Omnitrix functions. Heh, but Ah highly doubt you’d share that fact with us, fellahs.”
DJ shook his head. “Sorry, but Omni’s secrets are not to be told, classified beyond your reach by beings you only thought legend. As his wielder, I am privileged to certain properties, but not even I know all of his powers yet. Don’t worry about him timing out anytime soon, though. You ain’t luckin’ out that way. Omni’s set on form lock, keeping us in this form until he runs out of power in…”
“Five weeks, three days, thirteen hours, and twenty seven minutes, sir.”
“So… ready to continue?”
“Good, good. That’s what Ah wanted ta hear. Ah’d just hate to have mah fun taken away from me.”
‘Oh, we’re more than ready to continue but as Ry said, yer skills on the ground are pretty good. However, Ah’m curious about your skills in the sky as well...’
“If you’re asking if I can fly…” DJ began to lift of the ground, nothing but air between him and the floor. “Does that answer your question?”
A smirk soon blossomed into a grin as Ryan watched him levitate off the ground, “Oh...most assuredly so. Haha, ready, partner?”
‘Hit it!’
With that Ryan began running towards DJ’s floating form before raising up his free hand and snapping his fingers. After doing such, a very familiar pair of shades as well as a leather jacket emblazoned with a very curious mark appeared on his body. The most eye-catching part, however, was the pair of jet-black pegasus wings that sprouted out of his back just before he was upon DJ. At the last moment, Ryan jetted straight upwards before going sufficiently high enough and staring down at his sparring partner, “So...ya gonna join me up here or what, Deej?”
Let’s turn him into a chicken!
“Sounds like a plan, I could go for some good ol’ fashion wings!” DJ sped off toward Ryan, bring his left sword to slash at Ryan’s midsection.
“Whoa!” Ryan flipped backwards and felt the heat of the saber narrowly miss him, “Dude...do Ah look like Ah wanna be Kentucky Fried? Although some fried chicken does sound good right now. Mmmm...wait! We’re fighting! Gotta focus!”
‘Ryan!’
Heeding Dark’s warning, Ryan brought Malus Domestica up to block DJ’s other saber before spinning in mid-air and sending a kick straight for DJ’s head. DJ was unable to dodge in time, and was sent sprawling to the floor below, just barely stopping himself from crashing hard. He glared up at Ryan, then smirked.
“If that’s how we’re gonna play it…” DJ deactivated his swords, clipping them to his belt. Ryan only stared in confusion as DJ raised his hands and clapped once, sending out a loud ‘ding’. “Let’s bring things down to ground level again!” He slammed his palms to the ground, causing electricity to arc out. The floor beneath his hands began to morph and change into a massive fist that charged right for Ryan and Dark.
“...ALCHEMY?!” Ryan shouted before seeing the massive fist coming right for him, “Shit!”
‘Pegasus Barrier!’
As the fist collided with Ryan in mid-air, he was sent tumbling about before landing with a loud thud on the ground below. When the dust settled, the only thing visible at the bottom of the crater was what appeared to be...a ball of wings? Slowly the wings unfurled to show Ryan was—mostly—unharmed, but certainly shaken up after taken such a blow, “Ugh...nice timing, Dark.”
Hopping out of the crater, Ryan flapped his wings once or twice before cracking his neck. Turning to DJ, he seemed puzzled by something, “So...Edward or Al? Edward or Al? Hmmm...Ah’m leaning more towards Edward, ya know...cause yer shorter than me. Still...not bad, dood. Certainly wouldn’t have guessed you could alchemize Elric style.”
“No one ever would. And 5’ 10” ain’t all that short!”
“Yeah, but Ah’m still taller than you by half an inch, so...ya know, mah point is still valid. And when yer in yer pony form, well...Ah don’t think Ah have ta say any more than that.” Ryan snickered, “But hey, seeing as ya put yer swords away, how about Ah do the same and we do something Ah’ve always wanted to take part in? A no-holds-barred, fisticuffs spar fest that would make Goku and Vegeta blush.”
‘Yeah! Let’s pot-mark this wasteland till it looks like swiss cheese! What say ya, Mallie-kun~?’
“Well… honestly, I’ve never been in a fistfight before so, I think I’ll sit out on that. Malice, on the other hand…”
Please! Please! Please! Oh Please let me shove my boot up his ass and make him beg for me to kill him!
‘Well he’s certainly an eager-beaver. Then again, it isn’t exactly fair if only you and Ryan get to fight, eh?’
“Well...Ah do have ta say, Ah’m a little curious at what Malice can do...and Dark certainly seems to want to have some fun with him.” Ryan tapped his foot before taking his sword and holstering it, “Ah assume you have a way for him to take over, DJ? Otherwise Ah doubt he’d be begging as hard as he is to fight.”
“Indeed I do, something Twilight, Discord, and most everypony else hates me for creating. Uno! The potion, if you will!”
“Do I have to?” came a familiar voice from DJ’s pocket. “It’s already bad enough we can hear him, don’t make this any worse.”
Uno, shut your goddamn mouth and give us the potion before I shove my boot up your ass!
“Yes Master Malice! Sorry Master Malice!” Out of DJ’s chest pocket, flew a vile of gray liquid that DJ caught deftly in his hand.
“Ladies and gents, say hello to the Discord in a Bottle! For all your discording needs! Well, through the lips, over the gums, look out stomach, ya ain’t gonna like this!” DJ drank the potion in one gulp, immediately doubling over in pain as his color drained away. His body lay motionless on his knees, not a single sound coming from him.
“...DJ?”
‘...Mallie?’
Ryan watched his body carefully before holstering his sword and smirking, “Malice, Ah’m a bit hurt. You really think Ah’d be dumb enough to walk over when Ah know full well yer playin’ possum hopin’ Ah’d get close to you this early on?”
Still, the body simply sat there, but then they heard something. It wasn’t very loud, but the volume began to grow. Ryan recognized that kind of noise immediately: laughter. It was the kind of laughter that haunted many before him, and it continued to increase in volume as it escaped his friend’s lips. Suddenly, his head shot upwards, releasing a deafening cackle that echoed into the sky, thunder and lightning echoing in the background. The head fell back to look him in the eye, a deranged, almost evil look was returned. “It’s show time, bitches! Malice is in the waking world once again! AHAHAHA!!!”
“Huh...yeah, that’s about the look Ah figured you’d have.”
‘So this is Mallie in the flesh. Oh! Before I forget, if it works how I think it does and DJ is still aware, he should be able to talk just like Mallie was earlier. Go ahead and give it a try, dood! Ya know...before my bestest buddy here gets done laughing and decides to jump right into the fighting.’
...Eeyup. This is weird as all hell. By the way Malice, when was the last time you picked up in here? Ya got beer mugs all over the pool tables! How am I suppose to waste time in here, if I can’t even play a quick round of pool?!
“I never said you could! It’s my bar, and ya need a three drink minimum before you can play the games! Now sit back and shut up while I show our ‘friends’ how a true chaotic being fights.”
Jerk.
‘I told ya it was a mess up there! At least it sounds like he’s consistent about being a slob.’ Dark chuckled, ‘But yes...let’s see what you’ve got, Mallie. For the moment, Ry can keep having fun...’
“Ya sure, partner?”
‘Yeah, yeah...best we all get a taste of the fun, after all.’
“Alrighty then.” Ryan struck his pose before nodding, “Alright, Malice. Let’s see how chaos unwinds!”
“First, let’s make things a little more… to my style.” Malice chuckled darkly, before snapping his fingers. Ryan looked around, but nothing happened.
You didn’t!
“Damn right I did!” Malice charged forward, his speed and focus much more refined than DJ.
Ryan, look out! He disabled the protective charm!!
“...say what?” Ryan gasped before he felt the punch from Malice connect with his gut, sending him flying backwards and skidding along the ground, “Guh! Sheesh….you must really be upset with Dark to go this far.”
Seeing Malice bear down on him all too quickly, Ryan quickly rolled to dodge before springing back up on to his feet and eyeing his opponent.
‘...Ry...’
“Ah’m alright, Dark. While Ah should’ve expected Malice to modify the game, it still caught me a bit off-guard.” Ryan swiped some blood off his face with his thumb, “He’s certainly strong, just like DJ.”
“You’re not giving up on me already, are you?” Malice asked with a mocking tone, a wicked smile still plastered on his face. “A fight like this just doesn’t have the same feel if you don’t have the constant fear of death! You’re going to need all you got to stop me, you two! Because if you can’t…” Malice glanced over to their audience and licked his lips. “I’ll give you the perfect reason to.” Once again, Malice started back to his chuckling, reminding Ryan all too well of a certain comic book villain.
“...now that was expected. A killing joke from you is on par with what Ah planned for.” Ryan felt his aura flare, sending spikes of ice everywhere, “You lay one hand on them, Malice, and even hiding inside DJ’s mind won’t save you from our wrath. Your fight is with us, got it?! And now then…”
With that Ryan ran towards Malice before roaring loudly, cloaking his fist in jagged pieces of ice before aiming it square at his chest. Malice’s smile only widened as he dodged punch after punch that was thrown at him, until deftly catching one that was aimed at his face. Malice grinned as Ryan tried to move his fist, only to have Malice begin to twist his arm.
“My fight is with whomever or whatever I choose, Ryder. If I want to bring them into this, I will. I’ll probably start with Luna; can’t have Nightmare Moon coming after me in revenge, now can I? And you aren’t even worth my time!” He shoved Ryan back with the Force, nearly sending him to the ground. “I want that jackass of a spirit in your head, kid. And if he won’t fight me, then I will find another challenge. I’m sure a nice little murder spree through Canterlot will change your mind!”
Ryan grunted in pain, gritting his teeth at Malice’s rant as he was cast aside and watched as his sword flew off from the impact and embedded in the ground not far from his body. “Fuck you, Malice. Yer just another maniacal, one-track minded madman...just like Disky said. But hey, if you want Dark to kick yer ass all over the place…”
Laughing softly, Ryan clenched his fists before staring down Malice and smirking maliciously. As he focused his magic, he could only continue laughing, “...then far be it for me to stand in the way. Soul Cross!!”
Anyone else read that with the voice of the guy from ‘Soul Train’ or is it just me?
“Bout damn time he finally shows himself,” Malice says with his arms crossed and a wicked smile on his face.
Meanwhile, back with the crowd watching, things seemed a bit worrisome for certain ponies.
“...Discord, while I do appreciate your warning and such, why exactly are we staying behind you again?”
“Oh dear Cels, it would seem that the moment that one-tracked minded fellow was let loose he promptly spat all over the lovely charm and barrier I put up.” Discord grumbled, slightly annoyed by this fact, “So, being the friend that I am, I’d rather you be behind me so that I can help protect you in case Malice does something else that is rather stupid.”
“...ya mean like try ta attack us?”
“Yes, AppleJack. He’s dumb enough to try such a stunt, that much is obvious.”
“...so wait, why don’t you seem all that worried then?” Rainbow Dash frowned, “I mean...this guy is strong and did some freaky stuff to your already freaky magic. Not to mention he seemed just slightly beyond what Rys could handle.”
At that Discord simply smirked, “Oh Skittles, that is a very easy thing to answer. He broke the rules…”
Twilight looked to the Princesses for a further explanation when Discord simply let his sentence end. Celestia and Luna shared glances before turning back to Discord.
“Oh come now, have you forgotten after only such a short amount of time? Do you not remember when I first came back, and you lot broke the rules?”
Rarity gasped before frowning, “Oh yes...you did those horrible things to us and then declared the game to be over.”
“Quite right, Fashionista.” Discord snapped his fingers, donning an outfit that matched Dark’s, “And guess who hates it when the rules are broken just as much as I do? In fact, he’s the one that showed me just how important honoring the rules of engagement are. He just showed up by the way...and I can tell he’s quite cross.”
“...D-Dark?”
“Quite right, Fluttershy! Though he seems oblivious to it, Malice has asked for more than he may have bargained for by invoking Dark out in such a manner.” Discord flipped up his shades and smirked, “You’re about to see just why Dark is as confident as he always acts….and that’s bad news for O’Mallie the alleycat over there.”
As the dust settled—it’s been doing that a lot with this fight if you haven’t caught on yet—Malice could see what appeared to be Ryan’s body, but a few things were different: his posture was more focused, his shades seemed to shine, his hair had turned dark grey, and the look on his face was emotionless.
“So old man, you finally—” And that was when Malice was interrupted by Dark instantly teleporting the short distance between them to plant a fist in his face.
“Never threaten Woona.”
“What?” Malice gasped before feeling something plant into his back and send him spiraling upwards. Said something was Dark’s foot, wrapped in the strangest lightning, “Never threaten my family.”
Malice grunted, for perhaps the first time in his life completely caught off-guard at this bizarre series of events, “...how?”
Already on him once again, Dark brought his interlocked hands down while growling to send Malice plummeting back towards the ground. Vanishing once more, he appeared below Malice before snapping his fingers, “And most of all: Never break the rules!!”
With that he pulled out Eclipsis and impaled Malice’s falling form on it, the midnight blade easily slicing through his chest. Grunting a bit, Dark tossed Malice’s body aside and watched him just lie there on the ground, “I know full well that the pain is nothing you can’t handle, and that with me fixing the rules you should still be alive and kicking. Now get your demonic ass back up so I can beat some more sense into you!”
Malice staggered to his feet, wiping off a trickle of blood from his mouth. He stared at the blood for a second before turning to Dark. Then his glare turned harsh. “How dare you. How. DARE. YOU!! What kind of a fool do you take me for?! You’re still holding back! I won’t stand for you holding back on me, Darkness Shade!”
Dark smirked before laughing, “Holding back? Oh no, I’m merely getting started. Before this is over you’re going to be more than satisfied, Mallie-kun~.”
“Don’t you dare call me that now! I put up with it before because I thought you would finally take me seriously, Dark! But now I see that even you still doubt the lengths I’ll go to make you fight at your limit. So, you better give me all you got right this instant or else…” Malice raised his right hand, mimicking a grip. Dark wasn’t sure what it meant until he turned around to see Luna and Discord rising from the ground, grabbing at their throats. “Show me everything, Darkness, or they die.” Malice began to slowly close his grip, the clenching of Luna and Discord’s throats getting tighter and tighter.
“Malice…..” Dark growled before lighting began arcing from his body in every direction, “I. Told. You. To. NEVER THREATEN MY FAMILY!”
Roaring, Dark unleashed a ridiculous amount of lighting before he was upon Malice. Channeling it through his sword, he brought it to bear while loudly shouting, “Feel the wrath of Heaven! Lunaris Ignis!” Malice instantly threw the blue lightsaber to his awaiting hand, activating on contact to block the incoming sword.
“Haha...just as planned.” Dark snickered, allowing Eclipsis to contact the lightsaber...before sending the lightning directly into it, “So...tell me, Malice, as I’m a bit out of the loop with these things...but that saber of yours? Just how much energy do you think it can take before it overloads?”
Malice smirked in return. “This thing has more than that, Dark!” Instantly, Dark’s lightning cut off as soon as it hit the blade. “Because they are immune to all types of magic! And it looks like you’re finally ready!”
Dark stared hard at Malice for a moment before shaking his head. Batting away his saber, he grabbed him by the jacket and laughed, “Oh no. We’re not done yet. I still want to have fun with you.”
With that, Dark flipped Eclipsis so it pointed towards the ground. “Ready for some fun? Obfuscate! Eclipsis!”
“Obawhat now?”
“Obfuscate….” Dark spoke, watching as Malice looked about and stared at him standing horizontally in mid-air, “In other words, to make things unclear or, in terms I’m sure you’ll understand: confuse. Much like Ryan’s sword, my Eclipsis is certainly a tricky little devil.”
“I’m sure it is, and I can’t wait to find out what it-- UNO NOW!!” Another vial of liquid was tossed out of Malice’s pocket, this one rainbow colored. Dark moved for it, not wanting Malice to get away, but the demon went and crunched the vile, glass and all. As a thin trail of blood escaped his lips, Malice spoke once more. “All according to plan!”
Take it kid!
DJ returned to his body, still held by Dark. “Hey Dark! Nice to finally meet ya!” DJ threw up his hands and shot a burst of lightning, causing Dark to release him. “Sorry about the whole threatening thing, but we needed to get you to use your full strength for the grand finale!”
“Hmmm...spicy.” Dark commented at the lightning burst before waving his hand and removing Eclipsis’ effect, “And good to see you too, DJ. Yer other half is an asshole…but I still wanna call Mallie-kun my buddy.”
With that Dark leapt back a bit before powering down his Elemental Sync and returning to normal before twitching a bit as his features changed once more.
“And like that Ah’m back, baby. Also...you two weren’t kidding about Malice’s place being a total sty! The placed looked like a tornado, earthquake, tsunami, and a giant penguin all decided to have a field day on it. But it’s okay now! While you and Dark had yer fun, DJ and Ah got to cleaning things up! You won’t even recognize the place!”
Great… now I got more problems to deal with. And what’s your deal powering down! You were supposed to stay all supercharged so it would be fair and our plan would have worked!
“Oh, don’t worry Malice, we’ll get to that.” Ryan wore a very giddy grin, “But first Ah thought Ah’d take a moment to teach ya a thing or two about Elemental Syncs, starting with the basics.”
“Oh goody, who do you think you are? Goku? Stopping a perfectly good fight just to explain yourself. Now I know how Bobbidy felt.”
“Oh...Ah know yer going to love this now, trust me.” Ryan laughed softly, “As yer well aware, this is mah normal state.”
Flaring his magic so that his hair spiked into ice, he smirked slightly, “This is an Elemental Sync.”
“And this...Soul Cross!”
“Is an Elemental Sync that has ascended past an Elemental Sync.” Dark explained, his lighting fluctuating wildly, “Or, you can just call this an Elemental Sync MK.II”
“Interesting, I’ll admit. Is there a third one, or is it our turn yet?”
Ryan and Dark both snickered at this, “Just wait.”
Twilight seemed a bit puzzled by all this before turning to her teacher, “Princess...I know we’ve talked about that state many times, but...is there really a level past what Dark, you, and your sister have achieved?”
Celestia thought this over for a bit, pondering what the implications of such a thing could possibly be. Thinking on it, she tried to form an answer, “While neither of us have ever been pushed far enough to even think of such a place, it is not entirely impossible.”
“Couldn’t he be bluffing? Ya know, ta throw those two fellahs off. Otherwise Ah’m not sure what to call that...double ascended? That right there is some fancy mathematics fer sure!”
Hardening his features, Dark and Ryan continued, “And this…”
Even Discord was perplexed by this strange fluctuation in the air, “Darkness...what are you up to?”
“Is to go...even further beyond!”
With that both Ryan and Dark’s voice could be heard as they yelled loudly, sending bursts of magic and wind every which way as they did whatever it was they were planning to pull off. All those there merely watched, slightly stunned by what they were witnessing for a multitude of reasons. Luna was simply shocked, “My dear Darkness...what have you uncovered?”
Spike, however, was totally pumped, “Do it, big bro! Show that guy what you’re made of!”
“Tarnation! Ah’m glad we’re in some fake place for this, Ah can’t imagine what might happen if’n we were in the real world.”
Yet, it certainly didn’t stop Ryan and Dark’s presence from being felt as far north as the Crystal Kingdom. Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor had been hard at work returning their kingdom to it’s former glory after the events a few months ago, when they were both shocked by what they felt.
“Is that...Ryan?”
“...yes, but...Dark as well. What could possibly be happening right now? Did my aunts send news of any trouble?”
Shining shook his head, “No. He’s…they...they’re putting out more power than I think I’ve ever felt from them before. It’s unreal. What are they doing?”
Cadance frowned, “Whatever it is...I only hope they’re okay. All of them.”
As Ryan and Dark’s screams intensified, one had to wonder just how long it would last. And then...they felt it. Magic user or not, there was a strange spike in power sensed by all before one voice rang out above the screaming, “Soul Synchronization!!!”
A blinding light followed that, hiding Ryan’s body from sight as the battlefield began to settle down once more following that ridiculous sequence of events. As the light died down, DJ couldn’t help but give a whistle at the sight before him. Ryan’s body had changed quite a bit: his wings were now of a white and black checkerboard pattern, the Applemon cutie mark on his jacket was glowing, but most striking of all was the strange particles floating about him. Upon closer examination, they were electrically charged snowflakes that danced about the magical currents surrounding his body.
“We’re sorry if that took so much longer than the others, but in all honesty yer the first person to ever see this form since we stumbled on to it.”
“Damn, now I really feel special. I say it’s time to repay them for their kindness, don’t you Malice?” DJ’s eyes once again reverted to their voidless look, but they seemed much more menacing this time around.
It’s time! Take it kid, take it all!
“You got it!” DJ summoned both of his lightsabers to his hands and lowered into his battle stance, his aura growing more powerful and darker. “So you basically have the ultimate rage shift, eh boys? Well, let’s see if you can handle the most powerful magic in all the land!” The ponies seemed confused by DJ’s words, then growing to shock as he continued. “Generosity!” Upon his right lightsaber, a purple diamond flashed into existence. “Honesty!” An orange apple gem appeared on the left sword. “Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty, Magic!” The respective gems appeared, each one representing an aspect of the greatest magic of all. DJ smirked at everyone’s shocked expression. “HARMONIC CONVERGENCE!!” DJ was surrounded by golden light, blinding everyone.
As the light died down, DJ stepped forward, coated in a golden aura. “Can you handle the full power of the Elements of Harmony, boys?”
Standing there, the figure opposite DJ smirked, “Well, we’re certainly intrigued by that. But let’s correct one thing: I am neither Ryan nor Dark, I am the one that will defeat you. I suppose you should call me Kurayami Kouki, after one of Ryan’s old stories. It’s only fitting after all, seeing as my Elemental Sync MK.III+ will be your end. Suffice ta say, however, you’d be best to remember what you learned here…and that will give you the answer to yer question on the Elements, DJ and Malice.”
Kid… we are never learning any fusion techniques. That is just creepy.
“Agreed. But let’s focus here!” DJ flared his aura, letting the harmonic chaos flow through the air. “You may have turned my favorite element against me, Kouki, but that won’t stop me from winning this fight! No one has ever fought the Elements and won, so you’re in for it fighting a being who embodies them! Now let’s get this party started right!” DJ charged forward, his speed nearly triple what it was prior, almost teleporting over to Kouki as he swung his right blade.
“Loyalty! Magic!” Kouki stated just loud enough to be heard as he moved inhumanly fast before catching the right blade in his hand, “Well now...fancy that. We’re not the only one!”
DJ was initially shocked, but he steeled himself and began to swing wildly at Kouki with his other blade, hoping for a good strike. Much like the other, Kouki deflected the blade with his other hand, amused that despite being shocked at his invoking of the Elements, DJ still wanted to keep going.
“I won’t give up! You hear me, I refuse to lose to you!” Little did any of them know, the Elements of Harmony were steadily eating away at DJ’s magic levels, weakening him by the second the longer he fought.
“We’re glad ta hear that. We’d hate for this to end too quickly.” Kouki snickered before grabbing hold of both blades, the symbol of Magic glowing brightly on the back of his hands, “Let’s make this fun, shall we? Honesty!”
With that Kouki hopped up and planted both feet straight into DJ’s chest as hard as he could, wishing to test his strength against that of his beloved apple pone’s. DJ grunted in pain as he was sent flying by the buck to the chest, impacting on the far wall, his lightsabers rolling to the ground by his sides. Kouki watched as the lightsabers rolled around before he instantly teleported over towards DJ’s body. Bending down and picking one up, he flicked it on before stepping back to test it’s weight, “Fascinating. We always did wonder what it’d be like to hold one of these, given most of those stories had characters using some form of them. Heh, even one time having it mixed with a keyblade. Now that was silly! We wouldn’t trade them in for Malus Domestica nor Eclipsis but they are an elegant machine, that’s for sure.”
Flicking it back off, he walked over and set it down with the other lightsaber before putting some room between himself and DJ. “Now then, get up and let us continue. We will not strike an opponent such as yourself when you are down.”
DJ struggled to get up, spitting up a little blood from the initial impact. “How? How are they this strong? I ran all the calculations, we should still be stronger than them.”
“Sir, you must stop this now! The Elements are draining you, if you continue as is your magic will be completely gone!”
Kouki raised an eyebrow at Omni’s sudden interruption, “DJ? What does Omni mean? Is this fight taxing your body toward something permanent?”
DJ smirked slightly, even though it was pained. “If our calculations are correct, if I were to use the Elements to the point where I ran out of magic, I would lose it forever. The Elements, of course, would still require something to power them, so if I didn’t cancel them after that, the next logical choice would be my life force. So… I don’t know. I’ve never used them this long before.”
“Well, we’re not sure we can continue on in good conscience if we take away something vital like yer magic from you...as much as it pains us to say so seeing as we are having quite a bit of fun.”
“You shut your Celestia damn mouth!! You are not ending this match like that! I will defeat you! I will win!” DJ began to glow brighter, focusing more and more energy into the Elements.
That’s it kid! Push beyond our limit, break the barrier! You are the embodiment of Harmony and Chaos, they’re just some punks! You. Can. Win!
“I. WILL. WIN!!” DJ screamed as his aura suddenly burst into a column of golden light that shot upward into the sky. Everyone could feel the massive amounts of magic being outputted by this strange occurrence. Even Kouki was a little surprised at the astonishing amount, his eyebrow slightly raising in response. Little did they know, several places around Equestria were feeling the magic as well, reaching to parts all around the world. Still DJ screamed, summoning more and more and then suddenly… it stopped. The column of light disappeared, leaving DJ staring up at the ceiling. He fell to his knees and then flat on his face, his golden aura completely dissipating as he fell into unconsciousness.
Kouki waited for a moment or two before walking over to DJ’s prone form and noting that he was back to his normal saiyan state, though Omni was blinking rather alarmedly. Figuring he’d take a stab at asking, he talked to him, “Omni? What happened? We’re going to guess by trying to straight up power up more he burned up his time, didn’t he?”
“I-I am not quite sure,” Omni admitted in a worried tone. “Such an event has never happened before. For a moment…” Omni trailed off, further raising Kouki’s suspicions.
“For a moment…? We get the feeling yer hiding something, but not necessarily because you don’t trust us. This is one of those things DJ mentioned to Ryan and Dark earlier, isn’t it? About secrets and such involving you?”
“No… it’s just that, I think my sensors were broken. Because for a moment, just a moment, the good sir’s power… it didn’t have an end.”
“Really now? How curious. Hmmm….” Kouki looked at DJ’s prone form before smirking, “Oh, the folly of youth. It’s kinda refreshing to see, honestly. Kid kinda reminds us of, well, us in a way. We wonder...perhaps he is close as well to a breakthrough, given this moment. Heh, not how we wished to win, but it was still fun while it lasted. Omni? We think yer functioning fine, so how are his other vitals? He’s unconscious, that much is clear, but what about his magic or pulse?”
“His magic levels are low, but stable. His vitals, however, well it seems your charm was not as ...effective as you hoped. He has four broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a bit of internal bleeding. It’s quite possible that your two powers negated the charm, because this is some extensive damage.” The next instant, there was a green flash and DJ reverted to pony form. “No need to waste energy after all.”
“Quite. That’s probably a good theory. Both of our powers are fueled by the Elements in various ways, so the chaos source of the charm probably didn’t care much for that.” Kouki motioned for his herd and friends to head over before he placed his hand over DJ’s chest, “Generosity.”
“Sir, before you do that, may I scan you for a moment. Something is off.”
Kouki paused his actions, willing away the diamond mark on his palm, “Scan us? Wait...what do you mean by something is off?”
“The good sir’s energy is reading differently than usual, if I may, I wish to test a theory.”
“Hmmm...well, seeing as they are our friends, if we can help then go ahead, Omni.” A beam of green light was fired from the center of the watch, that went up and down Kouki’s form before retreating back into itself.
“Oh my! Simply fascinating. Now it makes perfect sense!”
“...we truly hope you didn’t jack our form when you did that. We’d be most displeased if you did that since we just now remembered you can do that. Regardless, what is it that makes all the sense?”
“Kouki, are you aware that when you used your powers on DJ, that you were being drained?”
Kouki raised an eyebrow curiously, “Say what? No...in all honesty, we felt nothing unusual or out of the sorts. For all intents and purposes, we were exactly as we were the first time Ryan and Dark pulled off their ‘Soul Synchronization’ move.”
“Well that’s because I was not referring to your normal powerful magic, but your Elemental magic. It appears that when you used your world’s Elements on the good sir, his body instinctively started to absorb them. It appears his affinity for those gems is not restricted to his own world’s set.”
“Well that’s certainly some curious news.” Luna remarked as the group had finally traversed the battlefield to where Kouki and DJ were at, “So are you to say that he was channeling both sets of Elements of Harmony across realities? Would not such a thing be...problematic?”
“I believe it is much worse than that. For you see, I have never had a chance to scan our world’s Elements, seeing as the girls were forced to give them up some time ago, nor has DJ ever been in contact with the Elements in his past. No, I fear that DJ does not channel one set of Elements. He channels all of them.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped, “They had to give them up?! Wait! All of them!? As in….”
Kouki nodded, “As in every set ever across the entire Omniverse. Wouldn’t that lead to messy complications resulting in some weird distortion of time and space?”
Surprisingly, it was Celestia who spoke. “The Elements are powers that are far more ancient than anything else on this world, my friend. Not even my sister and I know their true origins. Although, there is a legend, one that I never actually thought could be true.”
Discord, curiously, seemed a bit worried as he glanced at Celestia, “Are you sure you should be telling them such a thing? If it’s what I think you’re talking about…”
Celestia nodded. “Yes Discord, I am referring to the legend of the beings of Harmony and Chaos. The legend states that there are two beings, each gifted with amazing abilities that could wield the Elements at will to their greatest potential. I always believed it to be a myth, now however…”
Rainbow Dash, interestingly enough, was the first to speak up, “Hold on, hold on, hold on…now I’m not the smartest pony when it comes to this old time stuff—that’s Twilight’s job being the bookworm—but you aren’t possibly suggesting that…”
“Yes, it is possible that DJ, and possibly Malice as well, are the beings of legend. Alas legends do not speak of a happy fate for those who bear such a title.”
Kouki looked at the pony still lying unconscious in his arms and wasn’t sure what to make of it all, “...but how can they be them when he was just a human from another Earth? How could they possibly be the legend when it seems the legend existed before they did? We know time can be really brain-breaking at times thanks to the Doctor, but this…”
Discord looked at the unconscious pony sadly. “It is quite possibly linked to the fate that awaits all those who are said to be beings of Harmony and Chaos.”
“Disky, what are you hinting at here? It’s not often we see you this serious.”
“It’s not often a creature exists that shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but… if they truly are the Beings, then they are not the first.”
Twilight looked at Discord like he was crazy, “...what?”
“We’re more concerned by the fact that being a creature of Chaos yerself, Cordy, that what you say might apply to yerself as well.” Kouki twitched a bit, “Also, Omni? Would it be okay for me to finish what I was going ta do to help DJ before we got into the exposition?”
“Of course, sir Kouki, apologies for making you wait.” Kouki called upon the power of Generosity again and got to work healing the unconscious DJ.
“I am being serious here, you two,” Discord insisted. “I know that’s rare for me, but this is no joking matter. If DJ and Malice are truly Beings, well, then they are doomed.”
“D-doomed?”
“Yes, Fluttershy, doomed.” Celestia looked upon the prone pony sadly. “He is the next in line of a series of tragedies; of fates worse than death.”
“Look on the bright side,” Discord added mournfully. “If he can master those powers before his destiny removes him from all existence, he’ll be more powerful than anything we’ve ever seen.”
“...somehow that brings us little comfort.” Kouki remarked, sighing as he finished doing what he could to help DJ, “There. While he’ll be sore as hell for a while, we managed to repair most of the damage he took. His ribs and lung are fixed up, and we stopped the bleeding so now it’s just a matter of giving him enough time to rest up from it. And with that accomplished…”
Kouki closed his eyes for a moment, there was a brief discharge of static snow, and then his features disappeared and returned to those normally associated with Ryan. Ryan took a deep breath, “Man...while there isn’t any kind of time limit per se when we do that, at least the theory Dark and Ah cooked up seems true.”
‘Indeed. The longer we’re Kouki, the more exhausted we are when we turn back to our normal selves.’ Dark’s stomach made a terrible rumbling noise, ‘...and the hungrier we get, too.’
Lifting DJ’s prone body in his arms as he stood up, Ryan turned to his friends and family, “Disky, Ah know yer being serious...Ah just refuse to think there isn’t some way we can help him avoid any of that.”
‘We already know how bad it can be, after everything that happened to you, Cordy. And that’s why I just…’ Dark sighed, ‘Let’s just get him to the infirmary and patched up so he can finish healing for now. We’ll...deal with everything else after he wakes up.’
“I can understand that you won’t give up on him, Darkness, but the facts remain. It’s too bad that when their time comes, you will no longer even care about either of them.”
‘...that’s some cryptic shit there, Cordy. I don’t like it.’
As all of that had been going on, an uninvited guest was skulking about in the Royal Archives in hopes of finding the one thing he needed.
“Oh blast it all! I don’t know what all that crazy magic is, but I do not want to be on the receiving end of it. I need to make this quick before somepony shows up and catches me here. Eep!”
The weird pony quickly hid behind some statues as the Royal Guard on duty made his rounds before pausing.
‘Oh...oh...just go.’
The guard had stopped to watch the rattling of the ceiling as whatever was happening outside reached it’s climax and caused a small piece of it to break off. Noting this, the guard headed off to get someone to repair it, leaving the strange pony with the opportunity he needed.
“Phew...now then...Star-Swirled...Star-Swirled…ah-ha!”
Having found the Star-Swirled section, he quickly began shuffling through the various books there looking for one in particular that would be the final key in his devious machinations.
“Hmmm...where could it be? Oh, think Shadow Die, where would you hide a spellbook like that if you were some old fart of a magician?”
Continuing to look around for what he hoped to find, a particularly powerful shockwave from whatever the odd disturbance was rocked the library and caused a rather large book to fall down and clonk Shadow on the head. After blinking his eyes and watching as tiny versions of a certain chaotic entity circled his head, he shook it off before looking at the offending book that had attacked him.
“Stupid book…what the hell is going on out there anyway? Either way I should—”
And that’s when he paused and looked harder at the book that had fallen on his head. Examining the cover carefully, he flipped through it and began to smile as he found just what he’d been looking for.
“Yes…hahahahaha. Those fools didn’t think I could find this, and they didn’t believe me when I thought to fix the errors that human saw fit to make, but soon...soon things will be right where they belong. Soon he’ll be who he should be...and then order will be restored!” Shadow cackled as he held the book tight, “But...I need to get out of here first. With all that rattling and power going around, I’d be in a bad spot if I was caught.”
With that, the strange pony took his leave before anyone was the wiser.
Author's Note
So...What did y'all think about the smackdown brawl between the two humans and their soul selves? Not too shabby, huh? Maybe bordering on the ridiculous a bit, but still...it's kinda expected with us!
Plus, unlike with those superhero crossovers, we actually decided on a winner for this one. Speaking of...for those that know DJ's story and how he is, how exactly is losing a fight going to affect him once he wakes up?
And who is this strange pony wandering about the Royal Archives plotting against Ryan and the others?
The questions pile up as the crossover continues, next chapter!! 
Hinjinx! Hijinx Everywhere!
Having left the pocket dimension room they were in, Ryan had situated DJ in a hospital bed before Safety Cross and the other nurses of Canterlot Castle gave him the once over. She was rather stunned to see he was in as good a condition as he was after hearing what had gone down, and was even more surprised when it seemed Ryan and Dark were more or less okay. Hungry, but okay.
“Ugh,” DJ groaned as he slowly came back to the waking world. “Wh-what happened?”
“Oh hey, he’s back among us again.” Ryan grinned, “Welcome back, partner! And ta answer yer question, ya kinda passed out after our little scuffle.”
“Did, did I win?”
‘...that would be a no, DJ. After Kouki gave ya that mighty kick, ya went a bit crazy, unleashed a hell of a light show, and then proceeded to go unconscious and kiss the ground.’
DJ seemed shell shocked, for some reason lowering his head with his eyes wide. “I, I couldn’t… get out,” he whispered.
Ryan tilted his head, not expecting this kind of reaction at all, “...get out? Why? Ya just finally woke back up.”
DJ looked back at Ryan, his eyes black as coal. “GET OUT!! GET THE BUCK OUT!!”
‘Dude, chill the hell out! If ya don’t, you’re probably gonna reinjure yourself somehow. Kouki did what he could to repair most of your injuries, but yer still hurt. Malice, what is going on here?’
...You might wanna do what he says. This ain’t gonna be pretty.
‘...hmmm.’
Ryan’s herd turned to him for some kind of decision, to which Ryan gave a hard long look at DJ while he tried to figure out just what was going on here. That was then a thought dawned on him, that he was surprised he hadn’t thought about given the last moments of the fight between him and Kouki. Realizing now just why he was acting how he was, he motioned towards the door, “Come on ladies. We need ta give him a moment or two...and DJ? When yer ready, Ah’m more than willing ta talk with ya. Ah always will be, so don’t think ya have ta keep things bottled up...Ah’m well aware from experience what that kinda thing can do.”
With that the others filed out despite looking at DJ with worry, leaving him and Malice alone to their thoughts.
As they closed the door, DJ lowered his head, his eyes not changing in the slightest. Around him, an aura of magic began to swirl, his hooves sparked with torrents of electricity, and his breathing was labored. With a scream, DJ released a massive wave of power, destroying the innards of the room.
Outside the door, Ryan and the girls watched and listened in surprise and horror at the shaking door. Mostly surprised at the fact the door was still standing. When it was finally over, Ryan pushed the door open slightly, noting with surprise that the entire room seemed frozen solid in destruction. DJ was still in the same spot, only instead of rage and anger on his face, he was leaking tears from his hung head.
“Heh, man. When Ah was hopin’ you’d chill out, Ah didn’t think ya’d do so literally.” Ryan laughed nervously, “Look, Ah diffuse tension with humor so...sorry if that seemed a bad time fer a joke.”
DJ looked up at him, tears still present. “Why? Why couldn’t I beat you? Why couldn’t I break my limit?”
“...Ah had a feelin’ that’s what this was about. And Ah can’t answer yer question, as Ah don’t know the answer to that. The only one that knows is yerself, just like how mahself knows how Ah broke mah limits before.” Ryan shrugged, lightly tapping a chair and watching it shatter into pieces, “...perhaps ya just didn’t have the right factors in place to push you over? Ah’m just throwin’ out guesses, but answer me this: why did the result make you this upset?”
“...because I don’t want to be the cause of anymore suffering. Long Run, Peppy, Scout, all those changelings. They’re all my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to save them. Hell, I’m not even strong enough to protect my own sister who’s been missing for over a year! Not even mom has heard from her! What am I supposed to do if something like that happens to Ma and Pa while they’re traveling? Or some other ancient evil comes back to take over Equestria? If I can’t get stronger how am I supposed to protect the one reason I came to Equestria: my family!? My little brother, my younger sisters, my big brothers, my kids, my wife! Do you know I’m pretty much related to every Element back home? How am I supposed to protect them?! All I ever do is fail!”
Ryan and the girls were speechless as the pony they had known to be so carefree and strong cried out his sorrows in front of them.
“Ah’m not really one that would know about losing someone, like that anyway, but….”
‘I do...and I know these feelings that are bothering you all too well.’ Dark sighed, ‘As yer well aware from our talks last night. It is a legitimate worry, about the future and what it may hold...but strength comes in all forms, DJ and Malice, and the fact that you cry not for yourself but for those you care for shows a strength of heart that can never be defeated.’
“But, but something is going to happen soon! Everything has been building up! First the girls relinquished the Elements, then the whole the thing with the Tree and the box, and then the keys that have been popping up. I don’t think I’m strong enough to face what is coming! I needed this push to break past my limit, to be able to go beyond Harmonic Convergence like you two have. I don’t even know when I’m getting home. This keeps happening time and time again! I’m sick and tired of always being kept from my family! How am I supposed to be the Best Man at Big Mac’s wedding to Fluttershy if I’m stuck here!?” DJ hung his head, fresh tears beginning to fall from his eyes. “Maybe, maybe I should have just stayed dead. Then none of this would have happened. I should have just accepted my punishment.”
Celestia turned to Luna at the mention of a Tree and seemed as if they knew something. While Ryan and Dark picked up on it, they figured it was another one of those things DJ really shouldn’t be talking about involving their potential future, “Giving up the Elements…? Tree? Keys? DJ? DJ?”
The two of them frowned as they couldn’t get a word in edgewise as he kept going on and on about so many things. Eventually, it would appear Dark had had enough of this—with his statement about having should’ve stayed dead being the breaking point—before he took control of Ryan’s body and slapped DJ. HARD!
“Are you stupid? Are you dense or something? Say you stayed dead? Then what? You’d have left so many ponies in agony and sadness...and then you wouldn’t have been there to help stop Sombra! More than Scootaloo would’ve paid the price, including all those you call family. Or the incident with your Chrysalis. She was planning another invasion but at the cost of her people! If you hadn’t ended up stumbling there, she would’ve gone through with it all and not only possibly hurt other ponies, but most likely doom most of her children!” Dark’s irritation was so great, he was squeezing his hands into fists so hard he was almost drawing blood, “Yes, people died! That’s how life is! The choices we make are the ones we do thinking they’re the best at the time! We live with them and the consequences, and try our best to honor those that might have paid a price from them! For you to say that you should just stay dead….is doing those that believed in you enough to give their lives a terrible dishonor! Instead of focusing so intently on the negative, you should see what a positive impact you’ve made in your world! Power is not the end all, be all. There are other ways for one to improve besides raw strength, and Ryan and Ah had hoped our battle with you would’ve shown you that!”
DJ was silent for a moment, holding his reddened cheek with a hoof while staring wide-eyed at Dark and Ryan. And then, “...YYYEEEOOOWWWCH!!! That’s smarts!!” DJ was holding his cheek with both hooves now, mouth agape in pain. “Dear mother, that hurts!”
Malice, however, was rolling on the floor of their shared mental scape, laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe. Oh, oh, oh lord! Hahahaha! You finally did something to make me laugh for real, shade-boy! Ahahaha! That sure shut the kid up! Haha!
“Malice, you chaotic prick! Ugh, man that hurts. Watch what yer doin’ Dark, you could end up really hurting somepony doing that.” DJ shook his head rapidly, shaking away the pain. “Wooo, I’m back, baby! Heh, thanks for that guys, I was starting to fall back into the kind of guy I was before I bucked up!”
“Sorry, but ta be honest I’d had enough of you being a whiny little foal. And, just like in the past, it seems a good hard smack is enough to get a pony to focus!”
“What’s that about a good smack, Darkness? Talking about our private time to our friends, again?” Luna remarked as she walked in with her sister, “We heard a commotion and—why is the room covered in ice and damaged to such an extent?”
“My bad! Here, let me fix this place up.” DJ clapped his hooves and slammed them to the ground. His alchemy began to repair everything he broke, making the girls gape at the scene. When all was said and done, DJ looked around the room, making sure he didn’t miss anything. “Man I love that power. Oh, and uh, sorry about the whole ‘trying to kill you all’ thing. Was trying to force Ryan and Dark to their fullest.”
Don’t look at me on that one! That was the kid’s idea, I just was the one to carry it out.
‘Sure, Mallie. Don’t think I couldn’t tell you were having fun being the “evil, chaotic badass” that you so often declare yourself to be. Haha.’ Dark narrowed his eyes, though only Malice could see it, ‘But seriously...threaten them again, and Eclipsis will find itself through your chest...without a spell to reduce the pain.’
Ryan coughed slightly at Dark’s words, though he certainly agreed about the not threatening family bit, “What he means ta say is, just ask next time. Seriously, if you wanted us to go all out ya could’ve just asked.”
“I suppose it’s okay, DJ, but….was that alchemy you just used?” Twilight’s eyes were wide in wonder, “I remember reading about that supposed branch of science during my studies, but most books I have say that it was never fully researched because, well, magic exists here and that kinda beat out alchemy as a field of study.”
“Actually…” Ryan tapped his chin, “Ah’ve been wondering about that too since Ah saw ya use that in our fight. You use it the way the Elric’s can...so...did you somehow acquire that ability or perhaps….did you see The Door? And if so...what did you have to give up?”
“Sorry, that’s classified information that has to deal with politics beyond your control. Beyond even Cellie and Luna. Let’s just say that,” DJ suddenly pulled a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and put them on, “I got friends on the other side. So, no can do. And don’t try pulling the family card on me, you’re only a distant cousin at best.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow, “...Ah hardly think ya qualify as a Man in Black, but Ah get what yer sayin’. Fair enough.”
“Well, it’s not like I’m the only one withholding secrets. You should know, Malice has been awake this whole time and he caught me up on a few things. So, Princesses, what is this legend that he overheard?”
Celestia frowned, “I am not so sure telling you was all that smart a move on Malice’s part. If he was awake, he clearly told you what was said so don’t act so coy with us, DJ. Discord, my sister and I were hoping you would not find out about it simply because one: we’re not sure if we’re right but two: if we are right, then that would mean…”
"Alright, alright. I get it, bad stuff's gonna happen. Probably for the best, considering I'm no hero. Or at least, I don’t want to be a hero. Also, I make no promises on bringing your family into the fight next time. After all… you cheated me."
“...Ah cheated you?”
“Yes. I wanted to make you angry, to make your hatred grow. I wanted to see the darkest points of your psyche. Because, despite how strong your synchronization skill was, Dark’s anger was so much more powerful. That was the fight I wanted, to see you both embrace your darkest aspects, as I have done.”
Ryan turned, looking at empty space—in reality, he was technically looking at Dark, though only he could see him—before turning back to DJ with a very serious look on his face.
“....no.”
‘....no.’
“As you wish,” DJ sighed. “But the longer you put this off, the higher the cost you will pay in the end. I hope you understand that. It’s not as bad as you believe, all you need is to remember one thing: never forget who you are.” DJ put a hoof to Ryan’s heart. “As long as you never forget that there are people and ponies who care about you on the other side of the darkness, you can alway push through and come out stronger than ever. Darkness does not necessarily mean evil, Ryan, you know this, but you will need to conquer your darkness if you are to face what is to come. Great evils are rising in your land, my friend, and you will need your anger if you are to defeat them. Promise me this, Ryan, promise me you will attempt to take ahold of your darkness and make it your own. Use darkness against itself!”
Ryan looked down at DJ’s hoof and wasn’t really sure what to say at the thoughts going through his head. Eventually, he tried to anyway, “Look, Ah get that it worked that way for you in yer world, but Ah’ve had that moment where Ah let mah anger unleash...and Ah nearly killed Trixie because of it. And that was because of the people and ponies Ah care about. While Ah gained mah Elemental Sync thanks to that, that kinda me is not someone Ah wish to become again. You are right, Ah do know that darkness doesn’t always mean evil, but just because it worked for you does not necessarily mean it is the same path intended for me. For us.”
‘...I’m a bit curious about what they mean by ‘great evils are rising’. But it’s true what you say: when I get angry, you saw what happened. But I…I made a promise a long time ago to never stare too long into that abyss. While I know it would give me such great power, possibly even more than Kouki had, I refuse to break that promise. If I have to get stronger, I’ll find a way to do it the way we always have. The darkness is strong, I won’t argue that, but with enough effort the light can be just as strong, if not stronger.’
“Yes, what you say is true, but if you continue to block it off, your darkness will consume you, just as it once consumed Luna and my daughter. I do not blame you for sticking to the light, but if you continue to refuse this power, the Force is telling me that things will only get worse for you. I see tragedy in your future, my friends; one that cannot be stopped at your current strength. If you want to know more, I suggest you ask Celestia about the spell book. I can say no more.”
‘Spell book?’
Ryan turned to Celestia who seemed a bit surprised at DJ’s words, but he let it go for now as something told him now wasn’t the time for such things.
‘...Woona was a special case, DJ. Without anyone there to help her see that she was appreciated….without me there...she had no outlet for her feelings. It should be obvious what’s different in this scenario but I’ll say it anyway: Ryan and me? We both have plenty of ponies that are there for us.’
“Dark’s right...but there’s one thing that yer not quite right on. The fact that we have our Elemental Sync states shows that we haven’t completely shut out the darker parts of our hearts. After all, the only way one gets that is by letting the more base components of oneself take control. I’ve been living with my darkness for a long time, DJ, even before I came to Equestria. It’s there, I know it’s there, but if the option to continue on as I always have is available, I won’t turn to it. Being human...means learning to temper that side so that it does not consume you. A lot of people, they succumb to it’s temptations. But some….”
‘Some realize it is there, and always will be, but they do not let it affect who they are or the person they wish to be. Darkness can grant great power quickly, but the question is at what cost? I already told you that I made a promise to never tap into that again…and I won’t break a promise like that. Not from him.’
DJ raised an eyebrow at who ‘him’ was, but let it lie. He sighed and shook his head. “Then I will leave you with your choice. I wish I could show you the truth that lies within such power, but you would always refuse. But remember, as long as you know that others are waiting for you, by remembering who you are, you can control that darkness and make it your own.”
That’s enough. Not everyone can handle it as we can, kid. You accepted me long before I was even created, and the cost was your life on Earth. Not even I would wish that on these two. However, you are right that they will need to master it at some point, hopefully before it becomes a problem.
“Too true Malice. I still wish you would listen to my wisdom, my friend. But, I suppose that is a matter that you will have to face on your own. I honestly wish I could tell you more of what to come, especially of the great things that happened, but I cannot destroy this timeline any more than I have. I… I really don’t know what I can do for you all in return for the kindness you’ve shown me.”
“Well, it’s best we don’t know anyway. Pretty sure the Doctor has told me many times that knowing the future isn’t really something you should do. It can lead to a lot of paradoxes and this squicky-smushy effect on time. Of course, Back to the Future pretty much made that clear long before Ah met him but….Ah will level with ya, Deej. Kouki is the closest we come to allowing our light and dark merge. Ah was hopin’ you’d pick up on that, but Ah guess ya didn’t. That probably goes along with the other thing Ah thought on that Ah’m surprised you weren’t more curious about, despite making a comment about it.” Ryan shrugged before laughing, “As for repaying our kindness...when we finally get you home, just protect those ya love. Ah’m pretty sure mah herd would agree that’s all we’d want fer ya to do.”
DJ laughed weakly, finding a bit of humor in Ryan’s words. “Alright, alright. I get it, enough’s enough. I’m just trying to make you see things from my perspective, but there are very few who think like I do.”
It’s true. Believe it or not, my sadistic streak is actually from the kid. He’s pretty messed up in there.
“What can I say, I’m insane! Though I feel there is one thing from the future you should know, just in case it becomes an issue.”
“Hmmm…”
Ryan turned to his herd, and the the princesses as if to ask what they should do. Twilight seemed unsure, no doubt recalling her previous dealings with future warnings. Celestia and Luna, however, seemed to be thinking it over very hard. Eventually, Celestia turned to Ryan with a look he couldn’t quite decipher. “It would seem our visitor from another world knows much, even about things we have kept secret for the moment. While normally I would advise against knowing about the future like this...something about what DJ wishes to warn us of makes it seem like perhaps we should listen just this once. However…”
Luna narrowed her eyes, “There are certain things that certain ones are not quite ready for just yet, so if it involves anything of that sort, you’d best keep it as vague as possible. It is true that you have possibly muddled our timeline a bit, though it seems only Ryan, Dark, my sister, and myself truly know in what ways. As long as it does not mess with those events yet to come, we will listen to this one thing you wish for us to know.”
“Well, it shouldn’t cause too much trouble, as I’m not sure it is even true here. What I wanted to warn you of is well, in my world anyway, Pinkie Pie and Applejack? Yeah, they’re kind of related.”
AppleJack looked at DJ, then to Pinkie, then back to DJ, before back to Pinkie one more time. “Ah...in the words of our human: wut?”
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s distant, but yeah. The Pies are related to the Apple family. I should know, being a member myself.”
To that Apps just blinked, before raising an eyebrow. “Yer just full of surprises, ain’tcha DJ?”
“Hmmm…” Ryan was thinking this information over for a moment, scratching his chin in thought, “Apple...Pie….Apple….Pie.”
Dark snickered, unable to resist making a really stupid remark. ‘Dang, Ry. And I thought I was the only one that got some kinky action like that. You truly are my successor in all ways!’
Those present—in particular the two Princesses—deadpanned and turned a deep shade of red at Dark’s comment. Ryan wasn’t sure what to respond with, so he just said the first thing that came to mind, “...Ah love Apple Pie!”
DJ rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. “Well, it could be worse. At least I ran into another random instead of the usual kind of human.”
...It was already bad enough you converted Scout into one, now it’s just getting ridiculous.
“Oh, come off it Malice! You know it’s more fun this way, anyhow. Oh, before I forget, Luna, I wanted to give you something.” DJ looked down to his pocket and yelled, “Hey, boys, ya got that thing I asked for?”
A rectangular box was tossed out of his coat pocket, a voice calling back, “All wrapped up and ready to go, boss.”
“Thank you!” DJ then presented the box to Luna. “Here you go! Consider it a ‘sorry for nearly choking you to death’ gift.”
Luna took the present in her hooves and unwrapped it, revealing a black and blue book with a shadowy pony on the cover. The title read, Past Sins. “What is this?”
DJ smiled sadly. “That Luna is the story of my daughter, Nyx. Her story is well known on Earth as a great work of fiction, such as for the rest of the show is believed to be. I felt that you should know of her tale as much as anyone else. I really hope you enjoy reading it. It’s not too often one gets to give a present to everyones’ favorite pony, now is it?”
“Considering what I have heard of your daughter, I feel I shall.” The other bit of what DJ said puzzled her, “...everyone’s favorite pony?”
DJ chuckled a little. “Believe it or not princess, you’re a fan favorite from the show. All hail the Lunar Republic as they say. Personally, even though Celestia is my mother, you’ve always been best princess in my eyes.”
‘Hell yeah, all hail the Lunar Republic!! Nice to see the humans in that world have some taste in their choice of pone!’
“Yep, although if we were to go by popularity, then Rainbow Dash would have everypony beat by miles. Even those who don’t know the show recognize her.”
Rainbow Dash let out her iconic smirk before hovering in the air and raising her hooves high in triumph, “Oh yeah! I already knew I was awesome before, but this just clinches it!”
AppleJack sighed, face-hoofing at Dashie’s ego, “Dash, only you would get so pumped up over what a bunch of humans that think we ain’t real believe.”
“....Ah think we should stop this popularity thing before it gets out of hand...or hoof.”
“Yer right, we should get out of control another way! Hey boys! I could use a pick me up!” The five discords flew out of his pocket and appeared behind him, all holding instruments.
“Here you go boss!” Uno handed DJ a very nice acoustic guitar, clearly polished. “We cleaned it up for ya.”
“Thanks! You guys are the best!” DJ strummed a little bit, checking the tune.
“Heh...an acoustic guitar, eh? Ah...Ah don’t think Ah’ve seen someone play one of those since the last time Ah saw mah sister play…hmmmm…so then, let’s see if yer any good there, Deej. Haha. Lay them beats on us!”
“Hmm, but what song should I do?”
I got the perfect one! I’ll start us off, you can just join in when it feels right. Better listen up, shade-boy, this one is going out for all of us who’ve been through something similar!
DJ shrugged. “Alright, partner, lay it on me.” DJ went silent for a minute, having a silent conversation with Malice, only to smile widely a second later. He turned to everyone else with that grin. “Oh, this is too perfect.”
Knew you’d love it. Ready kid?
“Let’s do it! Don’t be afraid to sing along, guys. This is gonna be awesome!”
DJ began to strum his guitar, the Discords providing back up through a fiddle and the drums at first before going off in an upbeat country sound.
Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
As DJ hit a break in the lyrics he looked at Ryan and the others with a big smile, still strumming the beat. “What do you think? Ready to take over?”
“I would, but how? I’m not particularly familiar with this song.”
“Just don’t think about it. Let your instincts control ya. It’s just music man!”
‘Might as well, hell I’ll give it a shot!’
Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah
But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying
As Ryan joined in the singing, so did everyone else with the chorus. They all started swaying to the beat, singing with happy smiles on their faces.
If you’re going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, you might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there.
DJ finished out the song strongly, putting a lot heart and talent into his guitar. With the song finally done, he laid back against the wall, slightly tired. “Whoo, well, how’d ya like that taste of my home? Music is life, man, music is life.”
“...Ah’d question just how we seemed to know the lyrics to a song we never sung, especially in Dark’s case, but Ah guess it’s just more of that wacky musical magic that seems to permeate this world. At least, that explanation works to also explain how you and Malice knew the song we sung earlier.” Ryan smirked, “Not bad...country isn’t necessarily mah thing, but Ah know a good song when Ah hear it.”
‘...heh, I suppose I know why ya said ta listen up, Mallie. That’s certainly a song that can apply to pretty much everypone here.’
You sound surprised. Of course I would come up with something perfect, I am me after all.
“Not helping yourself with that one, dude. Well, I don’t know about all of you, but I could use some time to rest. So, I think I’ll just head back to my guest room and pass out. Have a good night!”
‘Sheesh, Mallie...I didn’t know we had two Rainbow Dashes here.’
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash nodded before frowning, “Hey!”
Celestia chuckled at their antics before nodding, “I do think that after the intense afternoon and evening we’ve had, that rest is certainly needed. Though...I had thought perhaps DJ and Malice would desire something to eat first after their intense battle.”
Ryan snickered, knowing full well what she was doing.
“I suppose I was just mistaken….how dreadful. Whatever will I do with the fine steak I had the chefs begin preparing for him to help revitalize his energy and spirits?”
‘Oh, that’s a tough one, Tia. I know! I know! You can just give it to me! No need to waste it, right Mallie-kun~?’
DJ stopped in place, obviously torn. “Thanks for the offer, but… I need some time to myself. I’ll, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Malice and I need to talk for a while.”
You better preserve that steak, shade-dork. If I find out either of you two ate it, Imma whip a bitch!
With that, the alicorn walked off, not saying a word more.
‘Heh, at least Malice has his priorities. Tia, Woona...we’d better make sure my new bestest buddy has a hot steak waiting for whenever he wants it! Make the magics happen!’
Despite Dark’s silly words making a cheery atmosphere, Ryan couldn’t help but note that something just seemed off with how he was acting. It felt just like the other day when he had to go off by himself again...and then later that night he was talking and singing to himself sadly about all that had happened.
‘He’s obviously got something on his mind again...but odds are he won’t say anything until he’s ready. Speaking of ready...Ah wonder where Disky got off to?’
‘He’s probably just checking things out after the fight.’ Dark replied, ‘You know how Cordy can be...but...I can’t help but feel as if something isn’t right at the moment. Something about that power surge DJ let loose just...anyway, I hope I’m not right about that foreboding feeling.’
Later that evening, DJ and Malice sat in their guest room, looking out into the night. Neither had said a word since arriving there hours ago, simply staring out the window. Finally, Malice had enough of the silence.
Kid, look I get that you’re upset, I’m not too pleased with the result either, but--
“It’s not that, Malice,” DJ interrupted with a sigh. “It’s just… we should have been able to take them. Even in that Kouki form, I know we have more power.”
Then why did we lose? If we have more power, then shouldn’t we have won?
“In theory, but there was something we didn’t account for.”
...Technique?
“Precisely.”
Hmm… they did seem to have a little more variety in their attacks. But is that really enough for them to beat us like they did?
“Yes, because it is something we’ve neglected. We’ve always focused on simple brute power, which was stupid thinking back on it. We need to come up with new abilities, one that put our powers at their maximum.”
So we need to…
“Yep. And to do that we need to go pay a friend a visit.”
What are we waiting for then? Lezgo!
DJ got up from his spot and slowly creeped out of his room, closing the door silently and walking off into the castle. The castle was almost eerily silent at night, but he focused more on the task at hand. Soon, he found himself outside the throne room doors and edged his head through the door. “Hello?” he called. The lone occupant on the throne looked up from her book and smiled at her guest.
“Good evening, Prince Sparkle. How are you this evening?”
DJ trotted on in, smiling back. “Just fine, Luna. I see you’re reading the book I gave you, how are you liking it?”
“Tis a most interesting tale. I must admit, DJ, your daughter sounds absolutely precious.”
“Thank you, she sure is. I should apologize Princess, but this is no social call.”
“Oh?” Luna marked her place and set the book down to give DJ her full attention. “Then why have you come here?”
“I was wondering if I could petition the Night Court for something.”
Luna raised an eyebrow, certainly not expecting that. “Indeed? Well, we are listening, what is it that you require?”
“Well, I could use some school supplies. A lot of school supplies.”
The next morning, Ryan and the others had joined the princesses for breakfast, enjoying a serving of bacon and eggs himself. As they ate, he happened to notice the lack of a certain pone. “Hey, where’s DJ at? He’s not one to miss dinner and breakfast.”
The others looked around the table, now noticing the alicorn’s absence as well. “I have no idea. I have not seen him since he came to Night Court last night,” Luna said.
‘He came to Night Court? Why?’
“He wanted to petition for a few items. A chalk board, some magical texts, chalk, paper, quills, and the like. We saw no harm in giving him some school supplies to use.”
“And what did he want them for?” asked Celestia with a raised eyebrow.
“Uh… we forgot to ask.”
‘That’s my Woona,’ Dark sighed. Luna, to her credit, blushed heavily in embarrassment. ‘Why don’t Ry and I go check on DJ and Mallie? They can’t do too much harm with school supplies.’
“Unless Malice went around stabbing pones with quills and hitting them with books,” Ryan put in with a laugh. They got up from the table, leaving the others to their chuckling. As he approached the guest room door, he noticed that Twilight had followed him. “Somethin’ up T-Sparks?”
“Just curious,” Twilight replied. “If DJ wanted school supplies that means he’s working on something and I want to know what.”
Ryan chuckled a little and they continued to the door. “That’s just like you, Twi. Always curious.” He knocked on the door. “DJ? Malice? You awake?” After no reply, Ryan opened the door, finding it to be fighting back. “I think something’s against the door.”
“I could teleport us in,” she offered.
“Just be careful, who knows what’s goin’ on in there.” Twilight nodded and powered up her horn. The next instant, the two were in the guest room, but were gawking at the sight before them. All around were pieces of parchment, some crumpled up, others burned, and some just floating around. They noticed a couple of chalk boards, all covered in equations and magical theories. Then they saw him, pouring over one of the many books in the rooms.
“Hmm, no, no. I need a better matrix for this one,” he muttered before adding a few more symbols to his nearest board.
What if you use the doohickey?
“What doohickey?”
That one, over on the table.
DJ levitated over a few pieces of parchment and looked them over. “You mean the matrix transducers?”
That’s what I said, the doohickey.
“Ugh, you know it gets irritating that the only thing you’re intelligent in is warfare. Hmm, you might be on to something, partner. Maybe if I cross this with the molecularized thaumite enhancer, we might get the reaction we’re looking for.”
I’m just that awesome.
Ryan leaned down to whisper to T-Sparks, “Ah’m torn between interrupting them to find out what they’re up to and just watching this madness unfold.”
“...is it bad I was thinking the same thing, Ry?”
‘Guys, it’s pretty obvious what they’re doing....they’re doing what all good heroes do: come up with some awesome-as-hell special techniques and moves.’ Dark chuckled, ‘I imagine our little fight and showcase of moves inspired them to some degree.’
Neither Malice nor DJ seemed to notice the new arrivals, save for when Twilight started to touch a nearby crystal. Her hoof was suddenly smacked by a burst of blue magic. “Don’t touch, that’s pure thaumite. Very dangerous,” he said simply, not even bothering to look up from his work. “Ugh! No, no, no, no! Why does it have to be so hard to create a zero degrees kelvin temperature spell? Maybe I need a higher power input? Hmm…”
You can never have enough power, kid.
‘I don’t think so, Tim—I mean, Mallie. Still...’
“Did Ah hear you right? Yer trying to create a zero degree Kelvin spell?” Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose, “Dare Ah even ask why in tarnation you would want to make an ice spell that cold?”
“Absolute Zero,” DJ said as he poured over his research. “Theorized to be the coldest point in all existence. My specialty is Ice Magic, so if I can unlock the secret to such a temperature, maybe I can use it to expand my other abilities.” He went back to a chalkboard and continued to jot things down, not a bit of it being understood by Malice.
Kid, can we take a break? We’ve been at this since you got the supplies from Moonbutt, and I’m hungry!
“How can you be hungry when we’re doing research?! Especially magical research! Have you no shame?”
None. Get me food.
“No! There’s studying to do!”
Ryan blinked, “Absolute Zero? But...like ya said that’s theoretical! Even on mah world, the greatest science possible was only able to come within a few Kelvins of that. Ah won’t doubt the power of magic over science—you’ve heard of mah creation exploits after all—but aren’t you worried about what a state might mean? A temperature like that...one enough to totally destroy the bonds of existence itself...Ah’m not sure how ta feel about that.”
‘What you should feel is hungry! Mallie is right! You guys have been in here since last night from what we hear….and it’s already mid-morning! If yer not careful, that steak from last night is gonna find it’s way to someone else’s stomach!’
“Like I care! Do you not see that I’m doing research! And yes I know it’s theoretical, but that’s why I need to see if I can achieve it and what it can do. Think of the possibilities, Ryan! Absolute zero could… uh oh.” The little beaker that DJ had begun experimenting with began to fizzle and then… BOOM!!! It exploded with a massive force that blinded T-Sparks and Ryan for a moment. When they looked again, DJ was gone.
“DJ?!” they called out.
“Ow.” They looked behind them to see DJ sprawled out on the guest room table. “Why? Why is it that every damn time I get blown up, I land on a bucking table?! Ow.”
“Hmmmm….curious, Ryan. It would seem DJ has the same trouble with tables as you do with doors and the ground.”
Ryan shook his head and sighed, “Don’t remind me, T-Sparks.” They then looked over to see that a pile of papers had burst into flames spontaneously, without any source of a spark.
“Oh come on! Not the fires too!”
“Huh, so that’s what it looks like from an outside perspective when something Ah’m building spontaneously combusts. Bravo, DJ, you seem more disaster prone than Ah am! Hahaha.”
“I hate you, Ryan.”
Ryan smirked, “Ah know you mean love, DJ.”
“Hey! That’s my family’s thing! Come up with your own material!”
“Technically, Ah am family if you’ll recall, so Ah think Ah’m in the clear with this one. Pretty sure the audience would agree with me as well, so…yeah.”
“...You are such a brat.”
Ryan stared at him before breaking into a huge fit of laughter, slapping his thigh for effect. Taking a deep breath, he smiled. “Well played. And yeah, Ah guess Ah am. You make that sound as if it’s a bad thing, though.”
“Never said it was.” DJ sighed as he put out the flames with a quick burst of ice. “Maybe I should take a break. Before I set the castle ablaze. Plus, I’m kinda curious as to what you’ve been inventing now, Ryan. Sounds like it could be interesting.”
“Ah’m certainly sure it is, considering a lot of what Ah’ve made is done so without complete knowledge of exactly how to make the things Ah do. Magic, as Ah’ve found, is a very curious, but fickle, shortcut.” Ryan reached over and ruffled Twilight’s mane, “Of course, mah bookworm here has been quite a bit of help, analyzing what bit of tech made it’s way here with me so we could have a better picture of some things.”
‘Oh! I bet he’d love to see what we and Mac have been working on! Maybe he could even help us figure out what we’re missing to make it complete?’
“Heh, well, Ah wouldn’t doubt it since he seems to have quite an understanding of tech...and others things given what Ah’ve seen. When we get back to Ponyville, we’ll have to show off some wares as it were. Haha.”
“At first you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. Ooh, I haven’t been this excited since I got my car back from Earth! Ever tricked out a ‘02 Chevy Cavalier into a tank? I have and it was awesome! Alchemy and mechanical understanding are amazing powers when combined!”
“...Ah can’t say that Ah have, but given that...heh, you’ll like what me and Mac have been cooking up. Ah’d think alchemy in general would be a handy thing to know, but to use it to turn a car into a tank? Assuming you’ve got it on yer Equestria, you must’ve altered it to use an alternate power source. Heh, probably sunlight or something since there’s plenty of that. But yeah, we’ll let ya see what silliness we cook up when Ah start to wonder how best Ah can...how did you say it, Dark?”
‘Bullshit with magic what we lack in knowledge!’
“Right.”
“Actually, I used Alchemy to convert it on Earth. Pure electric with an eternal battery spell Twilight cooked up years ago on my old laptop. But rest assured there is no problem with bullshitting this stuff, it’s the best part! Ya know, save for when they explode.”
“...or burst into flames and get Granny on yer case for making the whole farmhouse smell like burnt magic waffles.” Ryan sighed into a laugh, “At least our new home keeps the damage localized to mahself and the herd now...well, and Disky when he visits from next door.”
“Heh, you should’ve been there for the annual reunion. Biggest explosion yet, save for the time the Doc and I tried to duplicate the TARDIS. Ma and Pa were not happy to have their wagon partially destroyed. Set them back from getting to Trottingham for the next harvest by three days.”
Twilight’s ears twitched at that one, “...I don’t quite understand the whole thing with the Doctor, but...the TARDIS is that box of his right? Should I even ask as to why—ya know what, I probably shouldn’t. Let’s just focus on the other thing that doesn’t involve mind-melting physics. You mentioned Ma and Pa earlier during yer little rant in the hospital bed...are you talking about AppleJack’s parents?”
Ryan seemed a bit surprised by this, “T-Sparks...how...how do ya know about Apps’ parents?”
T-Sparks snorted, “Please Ry, what did you think the girls and I thought? That they were dead? AppleJack might be able to hide stuff from us, but we know her parents are alive and well. In fact, we know they’re the reason we got those Wonderbolts tickets for Rainbow’s birthday.”
“Okay, that made little sense to me. But yes, I was referring to Applejack, Big Mac, Bloom, and my own parents. Red Gala and Apple Crisp. We see them only a few times a year because they travel around Equestria helping the other Apples since they are the greatest apple experts in the country.”
“How curious.” Ryan scratched the back of his head, “In this reality, Apps’ parents? They’re part of the Wonderbolts: Star Dust and Apple Spark. Most people don't know about them and think they’re dead because here the Wonderbolts, while entertainers like the Blue Angels, are a bit more involved as part of the military so they keep their identity a secret to protect their family. Ah’d thought only Ah knew along with mah Apple kin, but leave it T-Sparks to nose out the truth. Heh.”
“Odd, though I suppose it makes sense in a way.”
‘...how so? While I don’t expect all realities to be the same, it is a bit curious that her parents are pegasi here while it seems they’re earth ponies in yours.’
“It goes back to the show, actually. You see, AJ’s parents were never shown, not even once. Though there was a scene in the family reunion episode that was meant to indicate that they were deceased. As such, many fans fight over whether or not they are alive and who they are. The same goes for Scootaloo, who most believe she was an orphan for the same reasons.”
“...that show sounds really curious for what it’s supposed to be. Heh, just goes to show no matter what fandom, there are passionate fans willing to argue any little point. That’s kinda sad about lil’ sis, though. Ah’ve met Scoots parents a few times—they’re pretty busy pones, sadly—but they’re good people and they’re pretty happy that she’s got not only such great friends, but good role models as well. Ah just...why would they automatically assume she’s an orphan? Hmmm, it almost makes me wonder what this show leaves vague about everyone now…”
“Oh trust me, the fans got creative with their imaginations. Don’t ask about Scootabuse.” DJ shuddered heavily. “It’s so sick and wrong that it’s wrong sick. But, hey, Hasbro let’s them think it. Besides the only true controversy the show ever had was when they first gave Ditzy, er Derpy here, her first speaking role. People believed they were making fun of the mentally handicapped, so they scrapped her original voice and kept her name from being said. Bunch of assholes is what I think it was. Sorry, I get a little defensive when it comes to Ditzy, she’s a very good friend.”
‘..when something is ‘wrick-bad’, you know they’ve got problems.’
Ryan double-taked for a second, “Wait. You said...Hasbro? Like...Transformers Hasbro? As in the toy company?”
“Still haven’t figured it out?” DJ smirked. “Welcome to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Ryan. Yer in a girl’s cartoon. So am I for that matter, but hey I came here by choice.”
Twilight blinked rapidly for a few moments before taking a breath, “It still seems so curious that we’re just a work of fiction in someone else’s world. But…”
Ryan raised an eyebrow, “But?”
“But….ya know, given what we know about our human, he seems to fit in here just fine.” Twilight snickered before smirking, “After all, he certainly does love brushie-brushie time with us.”
“GAH!” Ryan groaned, his face flushing red slightly, “T-SPARKS!”
DJ fell to the floor, rolling with laughter. “Oh ho! I am so not forgetting that one anytime soon! I knew you were whipped dude, but I had no idea it was that much!”
Like you’re one to talk. You basically wait on Twilight hoof over hoof. ...That expression doesn’t translate well, but you know what I mean.
“Yeah, but unlike Ryan, I get sexy time out of the deal!”
Ryan mumbled slightly, “Look...it’s strangely therapeutic to brush their manes and stuff….Ah don’t have ta justify mahself! Dammit! Ah like mah ponies, Ah like to brush their hair, and Ah like the snuggle times Ah get out of it! Ah ain’t married yet like DJ, but once we are then all bets are off! Ah might die of exhaustion, but dammit! Ah’m gonna do everything in mah power to make mah herd blush for once, instead of me!!”
‘...I think ya touched a nerve, Twily.’
All of you have issues.
“No, Malice, it’s you that’s got issues.”
Technically, they’re your issues, too.
“...shut up. I know I’m a sadistic, witty, smartass. That’s who I am! But I’m also a caring and loving husband and father with a lot of close friends and family. That’s all that matters to me. By the way, remind me when we get back to tell Mom that we need to quit the heroing business. It’s not good for our health.”
Says the moron who bucked up and killed himself.
“You just had to bring that up didn’t you! I bucked up! I get it! Can we please just let it go?”
‘...I vaguely recall mention of that. Ya don’t have to tell us if ya don’t want to, but killing yourself? Why would you do a crazy thing like that? No offense, I mean, but it is kinda a crazy thing to do if ya think on it.’
“Yes, I committed suicide, that’s how I met death. Not my proudest moment and still one I regret doing. It had to do with the annual Estrus and a huge misunderstanding. Let’s not go any further than that otherwise were gonna start dredging up a lot of tears and feels that I would rather not deal with again.”
“Oh yes...that time of the year. Heh...that won’t ever get chronicled here, that’s fer sure. And don’t worry, partner, we won’t make ya say anymore. Still, too bad yer Death is an asshole...if ya met ours, he’d probably have been a bit more reasonable.” Ryan shook his head, “Ah still can’t believe his ultimate scythes were 8-bit. What a weirdo he is...hahaha.”
DJ looked confused. “Huh, reminds me of something Pixel would come up with.”
“Pixel?” Twilight titled her head, “Who’s that?”
“My adopted sister, Pixel Berry. She was a human who ended up in Equestria a couple months after me. Celestia took her in as her own and she’s been raised a princess ever since. She has a unique magic that looks like pixels on an old computer, only pink. She believes it because of that time when she hid out in a Radio Shack and accidentally ate some microchips thinking they were food.”
“...that. Has to be. The most...amazing thing. The pixel magic thing, Ah mean, not the eating microchips thing. But wait...you said she was missing didn’t you? Jeez…” Ryan rubbed the back of his head and laughed sheepishly, “Now Ah feel kinda bad about beating ya up the way Ah did, since it seems you’ve already been through quite a bit already.”
“Yeah, apparently she and Celestia were having a spat so she went on some kind of journey. The last anypony saw of her was the Changeling Revolution where she and Gilda were a big help.”
Twilight seemed a bit surprised to hear that name, though Ryan seemed to not really know who she was.
“Gilda? Gilda...why do Ah feel like Ah’ve heard that name before? T-Sparks? Do you know who that is?”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…..no…?”
‘...subtle, Twily, subtle.’
“Gilda was an old flight school friend of Dash, but they had a falling out when she decided to visit Ponyville and nearly kill Pinkie Pie as well as yell at Fluttershy.” DJ explained. “Why she was with my sister, I have no idea, nor do I know why she apparently can breathe fire now. Anyway, like I said, they haven’t been seen since.”
Twilight hung her head, “Yes. What DJ says is true. She was a griffon friend of Rainbow’s that kinda wasn’t the best person in the world. She was pretty rough...but I always wondered about how she took Rainbow basically telling her off like that. I got the feeling she didn’t have many friends...that was, goodness...quite some time ago.”
“Really? That’s too bad...but anyway, that’s kinda a bummer that Pixel just disappeared like that. Hmmm...maybe she’s just off on a journey to find herself? It seems plausible, so Ah’m sure she’ll show back up one day. Ya said she was human, right? Sounds like something one of our fickle race would do if thrown into somewhere like this place.” Ryan shrugged, “Well, unless yer me. Then ya just go with the flow and apparently get complaints about that because it’s “not real enough” and “nobody is like that” and blah, blah, blah...but Ah’m sure yer familiar with that, partner.”
“Yeah, but Pix ain’t like that. Technically, she’s a pony-human hybrid now. She can change between her human form and her pony form with a special amulet mom gave her. The only reason I have faith that she’s still alive is because of her background as an orphan runaway. She’s a true hero who would rescue kids from abusive homes. I have faith in her, but I just wish she would at least send a postcard or something.”
“...she sounds like she’s got a good heart. Heh, I wouldn’t worry, if she’s how you say she is, she’ll show back up soon enough.”
‘And maybe she did send one, it’s just lost in the mail or something? One thing that doesn’t seem to have changed over the last thousand years is that, despite all their great magic, the postal service here is just as quirky as always.’
“Hey! Ditzy does her very best! She runs the international section of the post office now, so watch it! Dinky was very proud of her mother that day, and so were we all, hell even the Doc built up enough guts to actually give her a full kiss.”
Ryan lifted up his hand, “Hey! Hey! Relax. Dark was just talking about here, partner. Derpy is a hell of a mail-mare, but she still just runs the Ponyville branch.”
“Sorry, like I said I get a little protective of my friends. Ditzy, Doc, Vinyl, Neon, Octavia, although I wish Lyra and Bon Bon would stop having near-relations in public. They’re even more lovesick now then before they were married.”
Speak for yourself. It’s girl on girl action in the park; it’s hot. They may still be ponies, but hot is hot.
‘This man knows of what he speaks! Sing it, Mallie! Hottie-hot! Whooo! Double Princess Action...and I’ve said too much again.’
You sicken me, shade-boy. You really do.
‘It’s okay, Mallie. Not everyone can be as cool as me and handle such...power. Heh.’
You’re not cool. You’re the dork who follows the real cool guy around, acting like a poser. The real cool guy being me, of course.
‘...what’s that, Malice? I think you said “Yes, Dark, please stab me with your sword again, only this time, take it out much slower and with more pain for effect.” But you couldn’t have possibly said that, so...I must have misheard.’
“How did we go from Lyra and Bon Bon in the park to you two fighting over who’s the coolest?”
“If I may offer a theory.” Twilight cleared her throat, “If what I know of human nature is true from what Ryan has discussed with me far into many a night, lust and proving dominance are two traits that can crop up quite quickly and, in some cases, are tied to one another. Clearly, Malice seems threatened by Dark’s masculinity and dismissive demeanor. Thus, they are having the words.”
No he just pisses me off. I don’t like it. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m missing a case of shine back here.
Ryan shrugged, “Same difference. And DJ and Ah did clean up, remember? Did ya check where all the other booze is?”
‘To suggest I would steal the shine of mah bestest buddy. Shame on you, Mallie-kun. And after I shared Vibgyor with you...I’d say yer killing me with such talk, but you’d probably take some perverse joy in that.’
It’s not perverse, just makes me a true human. Apex predator and all. And yes I did… oh there it is, right next to the bottle of vibgyor I grabbed. Better move that in with that stash of spectrum.
“...someone’s got sticky fingers.”
‘Oh, no. The Spectrum I gave him as a gift of friendship. Not sure where he got the Vibgyor, but that’s fine.’
I snagged it when you guys weren’t looking. I’m gonna mix it with the shine later and see how much funnier Jeff Dunham can get when you’re that far gone.
DJ grumbled. “I still hate how you’re still watching TV up there, while I’m stuck without them out here.”
Not my problem.
“Chaotic prick.”
“Almost like lookin’ at a mirror, eh partner?”
‘Tell me about it.’
Twilight sighed, “If you boys are done having your “man” time, we’ve been standing here talking for a good...two hours? The others are probably wondering what happened to us at this point...and the rumbling noises from DJ’s stomach are starting to get a bit hard to talk over.”
“My bad. This is what I get for trying to be friendly,” DJ swooned. “You’re such a buzzkill Twilight. No wonder Ryan said you were boring.” DJ smirked and then jumped. “Meep! Meep!” speeding off, leaving Twilight and Ryan alone.
After watching him fully disappear, Ryan and Twilight just stood there staring at each other.
Finally, Ryan spoke. “You know he’s full of shit, right?”
“Yes.”
“And yet…”
“Yes?”
“...yer still gonna want the tummy rubs of apology out of me anyway.”
“Quite! I’m so glad my human is smart enough to pick up on such subtle cues.” Twilight giggled cutely, “Now come on, dear, we’d better catch up before he does something regrettable...like eat all of Celestia’s secret cake reserve in a fit of hungry rage.”
“HEY I FOUND A TONNAGE OF CAKE!!”
FOOD!!
Ryan and Twilight’s eyes shrank as soon as those words reached them. Not wasting a moment, both of them went Elemental Sync before leaving a twin trail of fire and ice magic in their wake as the sought to stop a terrible fate.
“DJ!”
“MALICE!”
‘For Woona’s sake, Mallie! DON’T DO IT!’
“Why is Celestia in here?!” they heard him call out.
“Hello DJ, care to join me for a snack?”
“Would I!”
Eventually, Ryan and Twilight had made their way to the cake cache to see DJ and Celestia...calmly eating cake?
‘...wait...wut?’
“Mah thoughts exactly.” Ryan remarked, powering down his sync, “Oh thank God...Ah thought...it’s best Ah don’t say what Ah thought.”
“What? It’s cake, what did you think was gonna happen? Celestial rage shift? Trust me you don’t want that, I’ve seen a part of it when mom went bat shit crazy on Blue Blood.”
‘No,no...not Tia when she Elemental Syncs all up in this piece. Something far worse...’ Dark audibly sighed, ‘Thank the heavens...I really wasn’t up for another chase again.’
“Wait, Celestia would have hunted me down? Huh, good thing she was here then. I suck at getting chased since I can’t teleport, which is totally not fair!”
Celestia laughed softly, “Oh no, DJ, I wouldn’t have chased you. I would’ve tricked others into chasing you instead...isn’t that right, Ryan?”
Ryan’s eyes grew wide as his pupils narrowed, “Yes, Princess!!!”
“Oh, that’s a completely different situation then. None of us would have wanted that to happen, the results would not have been pretty.”
Ryan nodded, “Yes, DJ!!!”
Twilight waved a hoof in front of his face, “...I think you broke Ryan again, Princess.”
“Oh, is that why he still stammering? I thought he was actually fearing me for a second. Damn, oh well. I thought he actually caught the threat in there, my mistake.”
‘I caught it...I just didn’t think it worth worrying about since it’s just a hypothetical.’
“True. So… where’s my steak?”
At that Celestia grinned, and Ryan damn near shit himself at that.
“Well….”
‘...oh God. Tia…’
Celestia sighed, “I am sorry to inform you, DJ Sparkle, but it would seem that we just couldn’t keep it safe for long enough. It was...sadly taken in a mysterious incident.”
“I have aliens that can force you to tell me where my steak went, you know that right?” DJ said putting his hoof to Omni.
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, “Now who’s not catching on to things?”
DJ looked back over to Twilight and Ryan who he noticed was acting very nervous. He narrowed his eyes. “Omni, I need Rath.”
“Of course, sir.” There was a green flash of light and suddenly a large, bipedal tiger with spikes coming out its wrists was standing in DJ’s place.
“Lemme tell ya somethin’ Ryan and Darkness Shade! No one eats Rath’s food, but Rath! YAA!” He charged at the pair, brandishing his spikes.
“Oh goddamit, not AGAIN!” Ryan shouted, slapping on his magnet spell and dashing out of the room, “DAMN YOU, TROLLESTIA!!! I will get you back for this somehow!!”
‘Ryan! Less declaring revenge against the sun, more running through the corridors of the castle.’
Ryan sighed, “...why do these things happen ta me?”
“Get back here Ryan and Darkness Shade! Yer gonna be Rath’s lunch now!”
As Twilight watched the odd occurrence leave, and the sounds of Ryan’s frustrated self fade, she could only shake her head, “...what does my other self see in him? And Princess…”
Celestia lifted her head up, a bit of icing hanging from her bottom lip, “Yes, my student?”
“Was that really necessary? That steak is locked by a spell that only Dark knows how to open, and is still there waiting for his “bestest buddy in the whole world: Mallie-kun~!” to partake in.” Twilight groaned, “When you do stuff like this...it makes me question things.”
Celestia simply waved off her concerns. “Now now, Twilight. Instead of questioning my methods, you should be taking notes. You’ll need them when you and Ryan tie the knot with the rest of the girls,” she said with a wink.
“...I’m not quite sure what that’s supposed to mean, but...DJ doesn’t understand that you're merely pranking him. He seemed ready to actually kill and eat our herd’s future husband. That’d be bad.”
“Nah, the boss is just having some fun.” Both mares looked over to see Uno floating there, watching Ryan be chased throughout the halls. “He’s got Pinkie Pie powers, remember. Pranks are something he knows. Can’t pull them off very well, but he knows when he’s being punked. He just wanted to get back at Ryan for losing, plus… this is pretty funny.” He pulled out a bag of popcorn and started munching down.
Ryan’s gasps and panicked noises were heard as he dodged this way and that before skating backwards and facing DJ down. Lifting up his right hand, he focused his magic before shouting, “Dammit! Fine! Eat this! Darkness Eraser!”
“Rath ain’t afraid of no freaky magic! Rath gonna take you down!”
‘Dark thinks Rath should speak in first person.’ Dark sighed as the magic blast made contact with DJ’s form, generating a lot of smoke. Ryan wasn’t stupid, however, and didn’t halt his skating for one second. Only to come face to face with Rath.
“Did you just call Rath dumb?” he asked frighteningly calm.
“...I believe the gentleman simply asked that you speak with ‘I’s instead.” Ryan remarked, teleporting out of the way, “...Cellie may have gotten me into this mess, but if you want to have fun with this, Ah can oblige again. Malus Domestica certainly didn’t get to have enough fun last time…”
“Heh,” Rath smirked. “Rath can end this without even moving,” he boasted crossing his arms.
“Hmmm...quite a claim, but Ah imagine it’s not made lightly.” Ryan eyed Rath carefully, “Arguably, Ah don’t have much recollection of the various forms Omni possesses, so you do have an advantage there, partner.”
“Rath doesn’t need to transform. Rath just needs to say the following,” he took in a big breath and then yelled out, “Ryan and Darkness Shade! You broke a Pinkie Promise!”
Ryan—and Dark—after brushing some debris from his hair at the loud noise, tilted their head and eyed Rath oddly, “Uh...no, we didn’t dude.”
“What was that about breaking a Pinkie Promise?” They turned around to see a very angry Pinkie Pie behind them.
“Maybe, but does she know that?”
‘Good question...Ponk is a bit unpredictable with these.’
“True...but Pinks should know us well enough to at least listen.” Ryan turned to face his party mare, “Pinkie, Ah know someone said the words that get you upset…”
“You should start running now,” Pinkie warned him.
“...Pinks?” Ryan titled his head, noting she didn’t seem to be kidding, “...well. Don’t that beat all. DJ? There will be revenge, and it will not be pretty. Before you leave...you’ll get yours.”
With that Ryan got to breaking them walls to vanish, knowing Pinks would be right behind him in no time at all.
Rath just stood there chuckling, then hitting the omnitrix and returning to normal. “Maybe so Ryan, but right now, it’s completely worth it.”
Alright you had your fun, now go get Celestia to give us that steak.
“I’m going, I’m going.”
Celestia noticed silence and was curious as to what that meant, only to see DJ come walking back in alone. “Ah, DJ Sparkle, you have returned. Please reassure Twilight here that her future husband is alright and not kitty-chow as it were.”
“Well he’s not kitty-chow, but he’s most certainly not alright. He’s currently being chased by a rampaging pink party pony. On a side note, give me my steak!”
Celestia frowned momentarily, before smirking at the mention of the steak. “Oh you dear, dear alicorn...I truly would love to give you your steak, but sadly I cannot access it. It was locked away safely by Malice’s dear, dear friend Darkness to protect it from anyone else and so, therefore, he is the only one that can open it for you. Pity, then, that he’s being chased by Pinkie Pie.”
“Omni did you get a DNA sample when you scanned Kouki?”
“Yes sir, I can replicate the DNA for you to use to break the spell.”
“Thank you Omni.” He smiled at Celestia’s dumbfounded expression. “Ancient geek proverb: always back up the back ups.”
Though shocked, Celestia resume her smile after his little speech, “If you believe it to be that easy, then by all means. Your device is most curious...but some things, you just cannot duplicate.”
“Maybe, but where’s the fun if I don’t at least try. Besides if it doesn’t work, I can just let Malice loose and he’ll find something meaty to eat.”
...Like I said, he’s the true sadist.
“I highly doubt we’d just let something like that happen.” Twilight glared at DJ, “Seriously, you act so childish sometimes...what did my other self see in you?”
“She saw a kind and caring man who cared about her so much that he paid attention to every word she spoke, treated her like she was the only mare in the world, and loved her and her family unconditionally. When I need to be serious Twilight I will be, but there’s no point in being serious all the time. It will eventually ruin you, so I live life like everyday is my last, and I will always treasure those moments when the two of us are together and pray for them again when we are apart. She is my everything, and I will be whatever she needs me to be.”
“That sounds about right for me.” Twilight nodded, “Either way, I’m just saying this would’ve been much simpler if you hadn’t let Trollestia manipulate you like that.”
There was a strange boom heard in the distance, followed by a loud scream, and something about icing.
“...that sounded ominous.”
“Maybe I should have gone with something less serious than a Pinkie Promise,” DJ commented. “Those can be pretty scaring.”
“Yeah...it’s gonna take a lot of snuggle therapy to make it up to our human this time. Especially since Pinkie...heh, when she gets like this. It’s...kinda hard to talk sense into her.”
“Oh I can do it.” DJ reached behind him and pulled out a cupcake. “Hey Pinkie! I got you a cupcake! You can have it if you stop scarring Ryan and Dark for life!”
And with a pop, Pinkie—pulling a slightly worse for wear and drenched in caramel Ryan and Dark—appeared from out of one of the many cakes before staring at the cupcake intently.
Ryan’s gaze slowly turned to DJ before his eyes narrowed, “...yer an asshole. I have candy in places candy is not meant to be. I will literally be crapping rainbows and happiness for days now thanks to you.”
DJ shrugged. “Well, then my work here is done. Here ya go Pinks.” He tossed up the cupcake and Pinkie downed it with a gulp.
“Thanks DJ! That was fun!” With that, she bounced off, smiling like only a Pinkie can.
“And you!” Ryan whirled to face Celestia, throwing out his arm and flinging caramel everywhere, “Don’t think Ah haven’t forgotten yer part in this, Cellie. And you!!!”
He whirled to face DJ once more, “...for whatever stupid reason, Dark still wants to give his “bestest buddy” their steak, so there’s no need to jack our form. Not that you could use it anyway without a terrible backlash...but Ah am a bit annoyed at Omni for jacking it like that, despite asking him not to.”
“My apologies, sir. I thought you meant not to take Kouki’s DNA. I didn’t, I borrowed the DNA sequence of you and sir Shade. Of course the sir couldn’t transform into you, but I can create samples that could be used for such things like testing. Perhaps next time, you be a bit more specific.”
“So you know, Omni is an AI and like most develop personalities similar to their owners. So, yeah, Omni’s a bit of a smart ass too.”
“Indeed.”
“Clearly. As long as he can’t transform, then Ah suppose there’s no harm. You can’t really do much with our DNA anyway, as far as Ah know. Unless ya wanna make more me’s...which probably wouldn’t be all that smart anyway. One me and one Dark is enough.” Ryan sighed heavily, wiping more caramel off his face, “Just...just follow me so we can give you yer steak and then go...unsoil ourselves.”
“Sweetness! And don’t worry Ryan,” DJ said with a mock pout and patting his leg. “You’ll get me back some day. Or not, depends on whether or not you decide to stop sucking at this.”
Ryan glared at him before smirking, “...Ah might not have the leg-up on pranking, but at least Ah don’t suck at a fight.”
Saying nothing else, he began walking towards the kitchen so he could get things taken care of.
What a dick!
‘Sucks when the shoe’s on the other foot, eh Mallie-kun?’
I don’t have feet, moron!
‘Other hoof then. Semantics, Mallie, semantics...’
Don’t wear shoes either.
‘...Look, do you want the steak or not? Just get yer ass moving before Ryan decides to set it on fire or something. He’s...not in a good place right now.’
“Hey, he started this, he should’ve known the first rule of fighting humans.”
“Actually, Ah wouldn’t. Back on Earth, Ah wasn’t a fighter in any real regards. Ah wasn’t a pacifist, but Ah did what was possible to keep conflict from happening without resorting to just knuckle sandwiches.” Ryan sighed as they entered the kitchen, “Usually that was me taking the brunt for those that couldn’t fight, mentally or otherwise. But Ah usually did a good job of avoiding the kind of sadistic assholes yer most likely talking about.”
“Heh, I was referring more to human nature. There are three main rules. Rule one: humans never fight fair, we take every advantage we can to win. Rule two: To revenge is human, don’t mess with a human and expect to come out clean. Rule three: you mess with family, you might as well just drop dead now. It’s that simple.”
“...is it? Are humans really that predictable? Being an unpredictable species, Ah don’t know.” Ryan pulled out the dish containing the steak, it’s amazing self protected by some crazy purple magic, “All Ah know is me, and Ah’ve tried mah best to fight with honor...even against opponents that aren’t willing to show the same. Ah can agree with ya on the third one since messing with family is guaranteed bad times. But revenge…? Revenge seems good in theory, but it only sets a path for tragedy in the end. Maybe Ah’m idealistic, maybe it’s because of my real origins, or maybe it’s because I think humans can be better than they are. Either way, Ah can’t really agree with those being as true as you say. Still...pretty sure yer more focused on steak than me waxing on about my own ideals.”
‘And…..TURNIPS!’ Dark shouted, releasing the spell to reveal the steak just as hot and seasoned as it was last night, ‘Enjoy it, guys! Only the best for our friends.’
“Sweet! Human up!” Once again a human, DJ took the plate to the table, chowing down almost immediately. “Yer wrong about one thing, Ryan,” he said between bites. “Every time a human fights a version of one of those three rules is used. Not always in the exact wording, but it’s there. Then again, I do kinda have some hatred of humanity so I guess I’m not one to talk. After all, I did leave Earth to join a planet devoid of human life. Ah well, who gives a damn?”
“Yes. It truly is all down to perspective. Now then...Ah’m going to go soak for an undetermined amount of time and...piece things back together upstairs. Ah’ll see y’all tonight.”
“Have a good one,” DJ waved off, smirking through his steak.
Hours later, Ryan entered the throne room after spending several hours soaking in hot water. His hair was still damp and he certainly still looked annoyed, but at the least he was clean of all that sticky caramel. Pinkie was also with him, having gone to check on him after hearing that DJ had misused the dreaded words and—seeing as she oft worried about losing the snuggles—had gone to help him in any way she possible could. This would explain why her mane, though bouncy, appeared slightly damp as well. Celestia looked at him with a smirk, which he didn’t care for at all.
“Did you enjoy your soak, my little human?” she asked.
“Heh. Ah made the most of a bad situation, if that’s what yer asking, Cellie.”
“Well, if you are looking for DJ, he is currently making use of the kitchen. Something about apology cakes for Pinkie for using her.”
“Oooooooh~ Apology cakes are the tastiest.” Pinkie clapped her hooves together, “I don’t know why that is, exactly, but maybe it’s because it’s packed with the powerful emotion of guilt!”
AppleJack blinked before looking at Pinkie, “Uhm...does anypony else find what she just said a might...unsettling?”
No, it gives me hope for the future. The ponies looked as DJ came strolling in, carrying ten cakes in his magic.
“Ugh, these should do,” he said placing them in front of Pinkie who was drooling on the floor. “Sorry for using you against Ryan, Pinks. But it was funny, huh?”
‘Funny, he says. Do you know the things that are still falling out of us even after that bath?’
Of course, Pinkie just saw cakes, gasped, and dove face-first into them sending cake bits and icing flying everywhere.
“No, but I don’t really care. I had my fun.”
Ryan rolled his eyes but smiled. “Yer an asshole, but damn if Ah still don’t like ya so fine, whatever. Anyway, Ah have to say it’s been pretty busy since ya showed up here. Heh, and here Ah thought we’d actually get a period of quiet after everything. Speaking of quiet…”
‘Yeah, I noticed it too, Ryan. Cordy has kind of, disappeared after the fight yesterday. I haven’t seen him since...we brought DJ to the infirmary. Spike’s disappeared again as well...you haven’t seen them, have you Woona? Tia? Ladies? Not that I’m worried, but it is a bit odd Cordy would miss out on the chaos the other day.’
“Maybe he’s just out spreading chaos? That’s what me and Discord do back home. Turning the lake into a trampoline, fishing for apples in the beaver dam, stuff like that.”
Dark made a noise that sounded like he was thinking, but wasn’t convinced. ‘Yeah, Cordy does like to have his fun, but since he’s only been back for a short while he’s on a...how to put it? Temporary freedom? Something like that. So he can have some fun—like pestering us, or mostly Ryan since he reacts so amusingly to his antics—or do something crazy, like help Spike with his training.’
Twilight’s eyes shot open at that revelation, “WHAT?!”
‘What? Cordy’s pretty dang smart when it comes to stuff like that. If he wasn’t so mentally askew, he’d probably be much more dangerous.’
Ryan gasped as he felt Twilight pounce him, “Oh God!”
“You knew about this, didn’t you?”
“Of course...sheesh, T-Sparks. Don’t you remember? Ah told you a long time ago that Ah’d only train him if he’d be safe. And Disky...Ah want to trust him. Not just for Dark, but for everyone. Maybe Ah’m just a sucker for the redeemed villain, but Ah know how he is in a fight. If he can assist in teaching Spike, then Ah can worry less about how well little bro will handle himself in a fight. Plus, secretly? He kinda wants to make up for what he did to him when we fought back then...” Ryan sighed, “Now, if ya don’t mind hon, yer gettin mah nice new pajamas all dirty.”
“Now I kinda wonder who would win in a fight: your Spike or mine? Personally, I’m leaning more towards mine.”
Ryan dusted himself off after Twilight let him up before thinking on that question as well. “Hmmm, Ah’m not sure. Ah don’t know how much training yer Spike’s been doing, but mah little bro has certainly improved...and with me as a sensei, he’s learned some crazy stuff. Not to mention them gauntlets of his...ouch! Those things kinda hurt when ya get hit with them. But, alas, Ah doubt we’ll ever find out...unless something incredible silly happens and we end up with a scenario where the two of them are together. But Ah doubt that’ll occur...wink.”
‘...Ryan, you said the wink instead of making it.’
“No I didn’t. Wink.”
‘...why do I bother?’
DJ laughed a little. “Yeah, you guys on my world? Dear mother help us all if that were to happen… wink.”
Damn it! Stop with this whole winking thing! It’s annoying.
‘...wink-wink.’
Lyra looked at the four of them oddly, “...are you okay? You’re all winking while saying the word ‘wink’...are you catching some kind of unknown magical disease?”
No, they’re breaking the fourth wall. Which is surprisingly stronger here than in our world. Usually the author would have berated us by now.
“...this is that thing Twilight told me about, isn’t it?” Lyra sighed, “While I don’t fully understand it, I suppose if that’s all it is I won’t worry.”
Ryan chuckled at Malice’s words. “Oh Ah wouldn’t worry, ours is a bit more laid-back and usually doesn’t say much in regards to things...except that one time with Trixie. Man was he livid when she used the amulet to change his text pink! Hahahahahaha.”
“...if that happened, I think ours would have done a ‘Nope’ and the story would be over right then and there. Let’s hope not, I’m still having fun! But ya know, it’s kinda weird seeing Lyra here. It’s rare seeing her without Bon Bon nowadays.”
Yeah, but when they are out, it’s sure as hell hot. Plus the wedding cake was delicious.
Lyra tilted her head before walking over to them, “So...from what I can gather your Lyra and Bon-Bon are...together? Huh...well, I can see that being a possibility. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and though we’re close, it’s more like sisters than anything else. There were always questions, but some people just assumed since we lived together and hung out a lot. I guess it is a bit different now that I’m part of Rys’ herd and hang with him most of the time now, but I still make time to hang out with Bon-Bon every so often.”
Ryan snickered, “Yeah ya do...mostly to keep her in check from going off on me anytime she thinks Ah’m going to break yer heart. If anyone is a silly pony, Ah think B-squared takes the cake there.”
“That’s another thing I noticed. Why do you have all these strange nicknames for the ponies? It’s pretty weird, and that’s coming from a pony who is quite possibly insane.”
Yer not possibly insane, kid. You are insane. I’m living proof of that.
“...possibly sanity aside...the nickname thing, huh?” Ryan walked over and sat down before leaning against AppleJack. Running his hand through her mane he thought for a moment before speaking, “Well, the way Ah am, Deej, is that when I meet people—or in this case, ponies—that Ah like, Ah try to form a more...unique bond? Ah guess that’s the way to put it. Anyway, Ah try to do that by coming up with something Ah can call them that’s only what Ah do. At least, Ah try to as ya can tell with B-Squared, Cellie, Lunes, Apps, or Heartsy. Oh! T-Sparks too! Others are a bit...more challenging, so ya get something simpler like Flutters, Pinks, or Dashie. Of course, sometimes Ah hit outta the park with a nickname like Rare-bear! Haha. But yeah, Ah do it to create something more endearing and special for those that I care about and feel close to. It’s probably why Dark calls Malice ‘Mallie’ or ‘Mallie-kun’...he just wants to show how much he wants to be friends.”
Screw friendship!
“Yes, Malice, we all know you despise friendship as it doesn’t benefit you in any form.”
Damn straight!
DJ just shook his head with a sigh. “See what I have to put up with on a daily basis? Still, I understand it a little better now, but I still find it weird. But that’s coming from the guy who didn’t even give his Pokemon nicknames. Heh, ah well. Do what you do, I guess.”
‘Don’t feel bad, DJ! From what I can tell, Ryan didn’t nickname his poke-things either. And oh Mallie, yer such a cut-up! Someone needs another hug~’ Dark remarked before making a running tackle noise, ‘FRIENDSHIP!’
Get off me! I’m getting the twelve gauge! They hear a clicking sound coming from no where. Get off mah property! Can’t you see sign in the window! It says ‘no shirt, no shoes, no Shade, no service’! NOW GIT!
‘Is that all?’ Dark scoffed before taking off his shades and putting them away, ‘There we go. No Shades. Though I must say my eyes aren’t exactly normal so sorry if their oddity bothers you.’
Dark if you don’t get out of here now, I am going to show you the worst part of the pony fandom out of the kid’s head!
DJ’s eyes shrank. “Oh mother! You aren’t bringing that up are you?!”
If he doesn’t get lost, then yes, I’m bringing that up.
“...uhm, DJ? What in tarnation is he talking about? You seem like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“...Ryan, do you know anything about ‘rule 34’?”
“Yeah. Of course I do.” Ryan cleared his throat before smirking, “If it exists, there is porn of it! No exceptions!”
Those of his herd as well as the two princesses just stared at the conversation going on, especially at Ryan’s revelation.
“...Ryan? What exactly is this….unique statement a rule of?”
“Well, Cellie, it’s one of the many, many, many rules of the internet from mah world. And...well it’s kinda true. Anyway, are you suggesting what Ah think yer suggesting?”
“It’s the darker part of the fandom, known as ‘clopping’. Some of it… well it’s not pretty. And a fair amount of it involves Luna.”
“...me?”
‘Woona? Hmmm...well, clearly, whoever these weird humans are, they have great taste in ponies. I admit it’s a bit...strange to hear such things, but you act as if fantasies or other such material related to this aren’t common around here. Hell! When I was alive, there were stories about me!’
Ryan facepalmed, “Ah didn’t need to hear that.”
Heh, only for one thing Dark: it’s called the darker part of the fandom for a reason. Think on that for a minute.
‘...so it’s sick and twisted. It’s porn. What else do you expect? It might be about Woona which is, as I said, strange and a bit unnerving, but it’s from another world. If it’s anything on par with what Ryan’s memories show he’s unfortunately seen traversing this internet thing, I can’t say I’m too surprised.’
“...just parade around all mah memories, why don’tcha partner? I swear, anytime we talk to you two the conversation goes the weirdest directions.”
We’re spirits. That’s already off to a weird start. He’s ancient and I’m chaotic neutral, it’s how these things work, dude. Anyway, just a heads up on that Dark, since this is my domain, I can edit this stuff to your worst nightmares. Speaking of which, the kid and I have been working a dream walking spell, so be warned.
DJ rolled his eyes. “We’re still a long ways off on that one, dude. We had better luck with the TV than that spell. Then again, it is coming along nicely if I do say so myself.”
Luna smirked at that, “Oh, tip-toeing into my domain, are you? How curious. Though, I would advise treading lightly into Darkness’ mind. He is...how do I put this?”
“Crazy?”
“Incapable of being serious?”
“A wacky, pervy nutjob?”
‘Handsome and delusional?’
“...and as usual, he finds the need to add to his own problems.” Luna laughed softly, “But my Darkness is...unique. So I wouldn’t suggest walking into his mind. There’s a reason I am careful just who’s mind I travel into at night, for there are things I have seen I wish I had not. Should you rather risk it, however, feel free to meddle about. You’ve been warned.”
It won’t be anything I haven’t thought of myself or seen before. The only thing I fear, moonbutt, is women.
Luna simply laughed at that comment before smiling knowingly, “As I said, you’ve been warned.”
Twilight turned to Ryan before making a very peculiar face, “I...do you get what she’s saying?”
“Ah better, seeing as Dark is in mah noggin. And it makes me wonder on things...not too hard, mind you, but just enough.”
“...that’s very unclear, Rys.”
“...it’s for the best, Dashie. Trust me on this one. It’s bad enough I know. I didn’t wanna know, but now I do. And trust me on this one: you don’t wanna know.”
“Pretty sure I can understand that. You don’t want to see Malice’s mind either, well unless he’s having a nightmare.”
Dark snickered before making a cooing noise, ‘Awwwww, poor Mallie-kun! If ya ever have a nasty old nightmare, yer buddy Darkness will be more than happy to comfort you in yer time of need!’
Get. Out.
DJ snickered. “Actually, his nightmares are the ones he isn’t actually in. For some reason, his nightmares are always educational, like watching a History Channel special on World War II. It’s quite fascinating to watch, especially the one’s on ancient Greece.”
Malice shuddered. It’s so boring, so mind-numbing. Can’t take it! Needs more explosions. History needs to be rewritten with Michael Bay as the director and narrated by Morgan Freeman.
“...Ah find it hilarious that the moment you said it needed more explosions, Ah immediately thought to himself “What? Are you Michael Bay?”.” Ryan sighed, “The four of us...we think way too similarly. But...Ah don’t get it. WWII is like, full of war and explosions and violence. Why would Malice find that boring?”
One: because it’s in black and white, mostly. Two: Never seen any good specials to give it proper respect. Three and most importantly: it’s a war that I’m not in. That just doesn’t sit right with me.
DJ just shook his head. “You and your ego, you could use some proper intelligence for once. Ah well, at least Ryan’s right on how we’re similar.”
You mean like Robin Williams and Pinkie Pie?
“Aw! Too soon man!”
“Ah’m with DJ! Let the wounds heal!”
“Rysy-Wysy is right! Just for that….” Pinkie seemed to disappear before a struggle noise was heard, along with Malice shouting something unsavory. When Pinkie returned, she had the most pleased look on her face, “Your punishment. You get to spend the whole evening with Darky-warky doing whatever he wants!”
Kid! Get me out here!
“Hmm, maybe later.”
I hate you kid!
“I know you mean love!”
Dark, I swear when I get out of here, I’m gonna take over DJ’s body and use it to rape your Woona, if you don’t let me out here right now!
‘Oh my! Such language.’
I’ll show you more than that if you—
Dark made a shushing sound, and though no one else could see, he’d placed a finger on Malice’s face to silence him. ‘Oh Mallie, while I could let you go...and your nasty little threat is a bit worrisome, Ponk here has given me the primest of opportunities to show that we can totally be best buds! We’re gonna have some fun tonight and you’ll see that you and I? We’re not as different as you might think. So...what should we start with first? A movie? Some violent games from Ryan and DJ’s memories involving lots and lots of guns? Or...perhaps something else to bond over? I’m not heartless, after all, so you get some choices in the matter. Hahahahahaha.’
Well, sucks to be you then because I have no heart. Like literally, I have no heart. I still got the hole where the kid shoved the lightsaber through his chest. Plus, I choose *snap* hiding in the deepest pits of the kid’s mind! They heard the sound of slamming doors. Bar’s closed! Last call! Malice is out! Peace!
“It’s just like him to abuse chaos magic.”
Dark simply sighed in a manner one would use when someone is denying the inevitable. ‘Oh Mallie-kun. Our bromance is destiny at this point, so when will you embrace the fun of it all? Then again, playing hide and seek is enjoyable...and I’m quite good at seeking out the hidden details.’
Ryan coughed a bit, “He worries me with that. Though, something else bothers me? Malice is a pone like you now, right? So then...how did he use the chaos magic when you can’t snap with hooves? Ya know, cause no fingers.”
“That was actually the sound of Malice’s horn. He can cast it whenever, being a chaotic pony and all. I don’t why he let’s his horn sound like that, because I know he does it on purpose. And Dark? Stay the buck outta there! That’s my mind! Not Ryan’s, go memory diving in there, but ya ain’t allowed in mine.”
‘So touchy, DJ. You should know me better than to trespass in your memories without permission. I only want to mess with my good buddy, and seeing as he’s hiding like a coward behind your mind, I guess there’s no choice but to head back to mine. One day, Mallie, I’ll get you to call me friend. Till then~’
Celestia snickered at the whole exchange that had happened and began breaking into a fit of laughter, “Oh Darkness...you never cease to amuse. You certainly are still just as adept as ever at pushing a pony’s buttons.”
Luna softly chuckled. “Isn’t that the truth.”
DJ smiled at the sound of their laughter, then frowned slightly remembering that it didn’t belong to the one he called mother. He sighed sadly, drooping a little. “I miss home. I want my Twilight, and a hug from Nyx would be nice. Or at least to see Scootaloo attempting to jump the Gorge for the third time, she always smiles so brightly when she risks her life.”
At that everyone slowly ceased their laughter, remembering how out of place their new friend no doubt felt. Twilight smiled as she walked over and lifted his head up, “Hey. We’ll get you home. One way or another, we’ll find a way to make it happen.”
Rainbow Dash nodded before smiling. “Of course! Twilight’s super smart, so if anypony can do it, she can! Besides…”
DJ looked at her oddly. “Besides?”
“Besides, if that doesn’t work, we’ll just throw Ryan at the boundaries of reality! His head is probably hard enough to shatter them!”
“Ah reckon that’s true enough! The last time Ah butted heads with him Ah thought Apple Ryder was gonna crack mah noggin in half!”
Ryan grumbled before crossing his arms, “...mah head is not that hard.”
“Sounds like it to me. After all, Applejack can’t lie to save anything, so it must be true,” DJ smiled sadly, before a thought came to him. “Hey, by the way, have any of the CMC gotten their cutie marks yet here? Dinky, Bloom, Sweetie, Scootaloo, Nyx, and Twist all have theirs on my world now.”
“Ah can report that Sweets, Scoots, and Bloomie don’t. Twist already had hers before the CMC were even a thing...if what Apps told me is right. And Dinky isn’t even part of the CMC’s...here anyway. Hmmm...another curious difference.”
“Well, as Luna will learn as she gets further into the book—btw Celestia don’t be around her when she gets to the middle of the story, it won’t end well—Twist was brought in by Nyx and Dinky was inducted a few months before I showed up. Wow, thinking back on that, it’s been a long ass three years back home. So much happened and now it’s kinda hard to believe that this is the weirdest thing I’ve done yet. Omniversal travel, who knew?”
Ryan shrugged, as did most of his herd. “Well, we’ll agree that takes the cake with stuff. Ah mean, Ah’ve only been here about a year and so far Ah’ve fought the God of Chaos, found out Ah’ve got the soul of an ancient hero in mah noggin, died twice, and went to hell and back. All in a year! Sheesh! Ah can’t imagine how crazy it’ll get from here on out, but from what you tell me of the timeline...Ah’m gonna see some serious shit.”
DJ waved him off. “Nah, the dangerous stuff doesn’t happen til later, ya got a happy moment coming up soon enough, but I can’t say anymore than that. By the way, Ryan? Did you ever happen to share with everyone the story I told you when we were drunk off our asses? How’d ya like the forever drink hangover cure, by the way?”
“Something happy? Ryan, what have you been talking about with him?”
‘That hangover cure was pretty boss. As Ryan will tell you, the pony booze does get him hammered but not as fast as it does the pones.’
“As for what we talked about while in what Ah like to call ‘Ultra-Wasted Land’, you might have ta be a bit more specific. We did say a lot of things and it’s all kinda jumbled together there in mah head. But, if Ah’d have ta pick, Ah imagine it’s the bit Ah guessed involving purple smart. If so, no, since Ah think that’s kinda not something to share for...stability reasons.”
“Uh, no, well that too, but no. I meant did you explain to them yet why I despise Sombra with all of my very being?”
Rainbow Dash answered for him, though with quite a bit of anger in her voice. “You bet yer plot he did! I just can’t…! To think Sombra did such a thing! And to...to Scoots….it’s no wonder you started tweaking out when we brought him up. Grrrr….it gets me mad just thinking about it!”
DJ stared at her for a second. “Wow, that’s the same look Dash made when I made Sombra admit what he did in front of the Princesses and the others. She looked about ready to kill him too. Too bad that I had to go and make his death quick and easy. I swear, if I ever get a second chance at it… well that shouldn’t be discussed in polite company. At least Scoots is happy now, especially with that cutie mark of hers. Who knows what that filly will do next?”
“...I forgot Ryan mentioned that.” Rainbow Dash chuckled softly, “Well, I just hope she’s able to get hers here too one day...without having something like that happen.”
“Hee, yer always showing what a softie you are, Dashie-kins.”
“Gah! Rys!”
“Heh, that’s why she makes a good Godmother, ain’t that right! Oops, forgot, not talking to my Dash. Sorry, you’re way too alike.”
You are related to too many damn ponies!
‘Mallie-kun! You came back! Flying tackle hug!’
Yipe! I’m not dealing with this!
“And he’s gone again. But he does make a point, I’m starting to think I am getting too many ponies on the family tree.”
‘...oh well. And DJ, you can never have enough family! Look at Ry! He’s got like...so many connections now! Personally, I’m looking forward to when he meets the rest of his herd’s parents so, ya know, he can get the permission for marriage and such. He’s already met Twily’s and AJ’s parents and they seemed pretty chill, but the others are...more mysterious~’
AppleJack sighed, “Dark...sometimes Ah wonder how that human of ours is as together as he is with you constantly doing crazy in his ear.”
“Heh, I remember Night Light and Twilight Velvet well. First time we met, Velvet blasted me into a snow bank thinking I was a Diamond Dog. How insulting, I mean was hairless ape really that hard to tell?! Anyway, I got them back when we told them how I became a pony and about our engagement. I tricked them into thinking I was dead and Twilight was going to marry a pony version of Steve Urkel. Oh man, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces! Priceless!”
“Oh mah various ponies! That had to be pretty awesome. That Diamond Dog thing got me thinking though...it’s weird, but most pones here didn’t really treat me all that oddly. Ah mean, yeah, they stared at first but there’s only been two ponies that have really been against me: Trixie when she first met me, calling me ape and then...Filthy Rich.”
“I haven’t had much interaction around Mr. Rich, but I have seen him around Ponyville. He avoids us a lot, for reasons that you can ask Luna about when she’s finished the book. But, I do know what it’s like to be the talk of the town. My honeymoon with Twilight was filled with ponies whispering behind our backs. Put my Twilight in tears by the weeks end, and it was her birthday week too. Thankfully it got settled, but Mare-ami had a strange snowstorm blow in about a week later. Nopony knows what caused it.” DJ smiled slyly, looking to the ceiling.
“....Mare-ami? Really? Really? Really?” Ryan looked aside and narrowed his eyes, “Damn that’s good! Why didn’t Ah think of that first? Mah moment of reference aside, Filthy is...he apparently knew about humans when everyone else didn’t. Ah bumped into him a few times cause Ah was trying to extend friendship to his daughter and her friend in an attempt to get them to perhaps—if not be friends with them—to at least lay off mah lil’ sisters. It actually went well, but since that winter party last year…”
“Oh this doesn’t sound good. I’m gonna guess one of you flew off the handle, probably him since it takes a lot to push you over the edge.”
Did somebody say pain and suffering?
“No, but it sounds like it’s heading that way.”
Dark smiled as he put his arm around Malice, ‘If you wish to hear such things, stay a spell. It was a wonderful winter party, thrown by Tia and Woona for mostly the Canterlot crowd but we were there too. Ryan and I danced with AppleJack, said hello to Fancy Pants who was charming as always, and even lightened up the crowd with some dumb puns and teasing our dear Princesses with pranks. Sadly, it all came to a halt when after helping Spike out of the punch he was, well, spiked into, Ryan turned and bumped into Filthy...who then was covered in punch. Ryan went to help out…’
“But then he went all Planet of the Apes on me and caused a huge scene. He tried to call me out on what humanity was capable of, but everypony there already knew thanks to T-Sparks and Lunes helping spread info of our kind after we put the kibosh on Disky again. He tried to hit me, ended up getting beat up by Apps, threw a chair at me, then was personally punished by Cellie and Lunes.” Ryan sighed at the memory, “Ah ended up flying off into the night, buying too many donuts from Joe, and eating the sorrows till the gals found me at the small park by the waterfall. Since that day, Ah haven’t seen Filthy all that much...or at all, really. Come to think of it, Bloomie and the others haven’t said much about DT either. Hmmm….that bothers me fer some reason. Still, that event did push us all closer together and is probably one reason we ended up a herd. So some good came of it.”
As entertaining as that story was… Dark?
‘Yes my devilishly chaotic friend?’
Malice smiled wickedly. ZAP!! Malice fired a bolt of lightning at Dark at point blank range, striking him in the chest. Don’t touch me!
‘Hmmm...’ Dark cleared his throat before removing his arm from around Malice’s neck, ‘It’s got a different taste from DJ’s...one I can’t quite put my finger on. Not sure what you were hoping for there, but lightning is my speciality, remember? Elemental Sync and all that. But it’s cool, I’ve had my fun so I’ll let you be...for now.’
What the hell do you see in this whack job, Luna? He should be put down, he’s so old.
“You hitting on Luna, Malice?” DJ asked with a smirk.
...No…
Luna giggled, “I see many things in him, that one who is not in love with him would miss. And is DJ Sparkle correct? Do you have a crush on me? That’s adorable.”
Stay back vile heathen! Yer still a woman, so back off! Doesn’t matter if you are best princess, yer still a scourge!
Dark clicked his tongue before sighing, ‘Oh Mallie, Mallie, Mallie...to say such things when the ever radiant sun is sitting right there. As much as I do agree, seeing as Woona is my number one pony, Tia understands that from me since she still got plenty of attention. From you, however...’ Dark laughed darkly at that, before ruffling Malice’s mane, ‘From you, she is not as...understanding. I’d warn you to run, but odds are...you’ll never see it coming. Nopony ever does...’
“Ah’d say that’s ominous, but Ah’ve been there before so...good luck, Malice!”
Eh, what do I have to worry about? I’m in here, she’s out there, plus I just got a new body guard for the bar. Only Dark could see him, but his eyes were wide at the sight. You may have a sun goddess, but I got a Hulk.
Ryan facepalmed, “...even Ah think that’s gone too far, and you’ve seen the stuff written here.”
Yeah, what’s your point? If Cellie, or Trollie, hell even Mollie, wants to get to me, she’s gonna have a fight on her hooves. And Dark if you help her, I swear I will never drink with you again.
“....Trollie I get, but...Mollie?” Twilight turned to her teacher, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Do not worry about the ramblings of a man on the edge, Twilight Sparkle.”
Dark, however, had gasped loudly and stared at Malice with wide, puppy-dog eyes. ‘Never again?!’
Never, even if the sun goes out and the moon crashes to the planet surface. And Twilight, Mollie is short for Molestia and she has a thing for younger girls. Kinky, if it were human that is.
“...I probably didn’t need to know that.” Twilight sighed, rambling without thinking, “I mean...it’s bad enough I found all that fanfiction she wrote about our human and Dark...oh buck. I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
The group went deathly silent before all faces turned to Celestia as if to ask an unspoken question. Celestia simply stared back at them, “What?”
...Celestia, I swear if I’m in any of those fics, I’m burning all of them and then finding a spell that locks you out of your cake storage.
“That goes double for me!”
‘I love that’s the first place you jump. But I wouldn’t worry too much...you guys haven’t been here long enough for that to happen. Once you leave, well….’
“Honestly, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. It’s just ridiculous….”
“Hold it!!” Pinkie suddenly stated, wearing a familiar blue blazer with her hair slicked back into points. “I have here in my hands, evidence that perhaps it isn’t so?”
Lyra watched the stack of paper flopping about in Pinkie’s hoof carefully. “What...what is that? It’s got a lot of pages!”
“...Pinks? Haven’t Ah told you not to go grabbing the old scripts like that? At least you aren’t reading ahead...yet.”
“But Rysy-Wysy! This proves that the Princess is hiding a secret like this! See, right here in this part after you and Dark had that moment of clashing swords she makes some suggestive dialogue...and then again after he pops back into your noggin. Clearly, there is a basis for these allegations.”
Twilight tapped her chin, “I hate to say it, Princess, but Pinkie does seem to be Wright with this one.”
“OBJECTION! That pun was too terrible to be used. Do not do it again.”
At that Ryan banged his hands on a desk that apparently materialized from nowhere. “Ah object to yer objecting! It’s very relevant! But yeah, seeing as that’s a thing, Cellie, yer miles away from us believing you’re so innocent.”
Well, she’s old and lonely. She was destined to become lecherous at some point.
“Oh mother, we are so getting sent to the moon.”
Hey kid, want a banana before we go?
“You suck!”
Celestia, for her part, showed no noticeable change in her features. However, if one were to look closely, you could definitely see very subtle twitching of her eye, and her tail. Dark, knowing the jig was up, patted Malice on the back before popping back into Ryan’s head, ‘Have fun, Mallie. I’ll pray for you.’
“Likewise, DJ. Enjoy the fruit of yer efforts...or Malice’s rather.”
“Hey if she yells at me that’s perfectly fine. I was once yelled at by every parent in Ponyville once for over a week. Please, please just be yelling.”
Pray to who exactly? The kid and I don’t practice religion.
“Let’s not bring that up now… or ever for that matter.”
“Oh, we’ll just leave what happens up to the imagination of the readers. You told me you can’t teleport, right? Well, that’s just fine. T-Sparks?”
“Yes?”
“You know what to do.”
Twilight rolled her eyes but smirked, “Very well.”
“Later, partner!”
With that Ryan and his herd were teleported from the room, leaving DJ and Malice to stare down with Celestia.
“Le gulp! You suck Ryan!”
Ryan’s voice echoed about the room, “As Ah once told Cellie, payback isn’t always a bitch: sometimes it’s just a creative bastard! Have fun~”
“I’m so gonna get that bastard back for this. He can forget about me helping with that project he was talking about.” DJ looked back to Celestia and gulped. “So… uh, can I just say that you actually do look a little thinner than my mother?”
“That is quite kind of you, DJ Sparkle…” Celestia’s eyes narrowed as she grinned, “But I’m afraid that won’t help you very much.”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
Kid, if it helps any, I never meant for you to get caught up in this.
“Really?”
Yeah, I was hoping it would be Dark and Ryan staring this down instead of us. Just remember Cellie! You kill me, you kill the kid!
Celestia quickly stood up, before walking painfully slow towards them. “Oh Malice, two things: One, only Ryan can call me that. And two: Who said anything about killing you? After all, there are far more enjoyable ways of handling this...now then, shall we get started with the fun?”
All the two alicorns could do, was gulp.
Early the next morning, Ryan woke up before everyone else and got dressed. He had let himself rest a little too much the day before, and wanted to get back to his exercise/meditation routine before he let himself slip too much. Poofing Malus Domestica on to his back, he headed into the courtyard before starting his morning jog all the wonder of Celestia’s sunrise. Sure enough, as he looked up towards her balcony he could see her just before she headed back inside.
‘So...what do you figure she did to them?’
“Ah don’t know, partner. From what Ah sensed, they didn’t crawl slowly back to their guest room until quite some time afterwards.” Ryan leaped over a hedge, before quickly rolling to the left and continuing onward.
‘Hey wait, isn’t that them over in the middle of the courtyard?’ Ryan looked to where Dark indicated and true enough, DJ was just sitting there, eyes closed.
“Yeah...seems he’s deep in thought.” Ryan smirked, “Let’s join them.”
With that he slowly walked over to the blue alicorn before settling into a pose and closing his eyes, focusing quietly as well.
“Good morning Ryan. Darkness,” DJ greeted without even opening his eyes.
“Good morning back to you, DJ.”
‘Malice.’
Darkness. Did you have a good sleep?
‘Why, yeah. We slept as well as we usually do. Ryan’s herd...they make a rather comfortable blanket.’
“...how about you two? How are you fairing?”
“It was… fascinating. I had no idea of the things Celestia is capable of.”
She can be very personal when she feels like it.
“We know the feeling. They do say it’s different for everyone.”
‘Nice to know Tia didn’t hold back on ya.’
“To be fair, most of it is a blur, so I can’t really say much on what happened. I don’t feel anything bad, but just… not really sure how to describe it.”
Violated?
“Hmm… close. Eh, it’ll have to do. Doesn’t explain why I found her crown in my tail when I woke up though.”
“That sounds about right.” Ryan chuckled softly, “...her crown in yer tail, though? Hmm...Ah suppose that’s better than finding cake in your unmentionables….and your shoes. Ah never got the shoes bit…”
‘Again...being unique for everyone, even I can’t say why the results are what they are.’
DJ shrugged. “Well, as interesting as this conversation is, I should probably start my morning sparring. So, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go attack some dummies who did nothing wrong.”
We’re going to attack Dark? Oh wait, he’s done plenty wrong, my bad.
‘And there’s the normal Mallie, back to his lovely witty self. Though he raises an intriguing point.’
“Indeed. While fighting wooden dummies is all well and good, it’s not often we have another fellow warrior to spar with. Shiny used to spar with us quite often...but lately he’s gotten tired of losing. Ah know we already went full out, but how’s about we just have a more friendly practice if yer up for it? Ah mean, Ah’ve already got Malus Domestica with me after all…”
“Weeelll… ah what the hell, I could use a sparring partner that fights back for once. Not even an Everfree tree can do that. Hope you don’t mind that I stay the way I am for this, I need to get better at fighting with a sword in my mouth.” One of his lightsabers flew out of his jacket and into his mouth, the blue blade igniting to life with a hum. “I’ve got the power on low, so it won’t cut anything we don’t want it to.”
“Cool. And that’s fine. Ah’m used to sparring with pones so it’s all good.” Ryan drew Malus Domestica, “And mah sword knows to follow her master’s desires, so yer not gonna get hurt as well. Well, not in the cutting way anyway. It’ll still sting to get smacked. I am curious to find out how you sword-fight as a pone though, especially seeing as you aren’t using yer magic like Shiny does.”
With that Ryan got into his stance, before nodding. “Whenever yer ready.”
“Let’s get it on!” DJ charged, swinging his sword to which Ryan met head on.
An hour later, DJ and Ryan finally joined the girls for breakfast.
“There ya are, Apple Ryder. Ya snuck out on us again, ya naughty human you.”
“Oh, darling. It’s clear he just wanted to have some more fun with his new friend.” Rarity giggled, “I think it’s cute.”
“Hey, at least I tied with him this time!” DJ cried indignantly, scowling a little as he took a seat at the table. “Sorry for being curt, but it’s early and I haven’t had anything to wake up except getting beat in the head by a knock-off zanpakuto.”
Both Ryan and Dark paused at that comment before an audible cracking noise was heard. Slowly turning his head towards DJ, Ryan smiled creepily at him. “Ah’m sorry...what was that you said? It’s early so perhaps Ah misheard...what did you call Malus Domestica?”
“Oh come off it,” DJ replied with a British accent. “You know quite well that Bleach did it first, so don’t go thinking that your sword’s all that special. Mine aren’t either, so don’t even try it. Just eat ya food and shut yer pie hole.”
‘Oooh, I think Mallie and DJ might just regret that comment one day, eh Ry?’
Ryan chuckled softly, “Quite. But for now he’s right as this is one hungry human. Sparring takes a lot outta ya.”
“...how did he tie with ya?” asked Apps, a little stunned. “Did ya let him get ya that good?”
DJ clicked his tongue. “If he did, he’s gonna pay for it later.”
“My my, so harsh, DJ. Do Ah seem the type to do that?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t had my wake-up juice just yet. Talk to me after I’ve down a gallon’s worth of Mountain Dew. Speaking of which.” Suddenly, a cup flew out of DJ’s pocket which he caught in his magic. “Thank you, Uno.”
“S’aight.” DJ began to chug the drink with fervor, but to the girls’ surprise, it never emptied or lost any of the liquid inside.
“Ah, nothing like good ol’ fashioned caffeine and citrus to start the day.”
“...soda. Now that’s something Ah haven’t thought of in a long while. At least, not the stuff Ah remember. There’s the pone’s version of it but...it ain’t quite the same. Then again, it’s healthier for me that way, so...probably fer the best.”
“Hey if you want a sip I ain’t stoppin’ ya. Just tell the cup what ya want to drink and boom bam ya got an infinite amount of it. One of the best presents I ever received, besides ol’ Omni. Ya can probably guess who got it for me.” DJ passed the cup over to Ryan, who looked at it warily.
“Hmmm...Ah don’t know...Ah think Ah read something about a crazy cup on the internet back in the day on some organization’s website. Some kinda three-letter acronym or something...said it was cursed.” Ryan took another look at it before picking it up, “Still...it can be any drink?”
“That’s what Dissy told me. Hey, it came up with that hangover cure, so it can’t be bad. Plus, Pix has one too, so I doubt it’s that cup you're worrying about. Can even be stuff that’s not made anymore if ya want it to be.”
Ryan’s eyes lit up at that last bit, “Stuff that isn’t made anymore? Oh sweet, sweet plot of mah dear apple-butt.”
Apps rolled her eyes, “Must ya bring mah rear into things?”
“Yes! Only such exclamations can adequately work! So...cup. There’s one...no, two drinks from mah youth Ah’ve dreamt of tasting again for ages. Can you make Ecto Cooler?” Ryan watched as the cup did it’s thing and filled with a very curious, pale green liquid, “Could it be?”
Realizing to hell with it, he took a sip...and smiled like he won the lottery. “Oh sweet nostalgia...who ya gonna call? It’s like Ah’m eight years old again! Okay, okay...not bad. But what about Surge? This stuff had so much sugar and caffeine in it Ah doubt even Pinks could handle it.”
“Surge? I think I’ve heard of that, I think my buddy was drinking some of that stuff when I got sent back to Earth. Something about it being a ‘mountain dew killer’ and was being sold on Amazon. Either way, keep it away from me! My body doesn’t react well with that much sugar.”
“Oh yeah...this stuff made Mountain Dew look like tap water.” Ryan smirked at the neon-green, carbonated beverage that now filled the cup, “It was so sugary and caffeinated the government actually had to strongarm its producer to stop making it. People do sell old cans, though Ah doubt they have the potency of a fresh batch. Oh, the nights of gaming this fueled when Ah was younger...six of these and Ah had more energy than Pinkie when she’s doing lines of pixie stix.”
“Ooooooh~ Rysy-Wysy, I have to try this stuff!”
“...Ah...Ah don’t know if that’s a smart idea.”
“Please?”
“Ah….Ah really don’t….”
“Hey if she wants some let her have some, worst that could happen is she goes nutty like that squirrel in Hoodwinked when he drank coffee. Just keep it away from me, you won’t like the reaction you’ll get back.”
“...guessing too much pure sugar does bad things to ya, huh?” Ryan remarked before taking a sip of the stuff, “Oh yeah! That’s the overly carbonated goodness Ah recall. Well...here Pinks.”
Pinkie giggled as she took the cup and stared at it, “It looks like radioactive slime! That’s awesome! Well, let’s get this party started!”
Pinkie downed the drink in a blink of an eye before setting the cup down and just staring straight ahead, unmoving as the others looked at her.
“Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked, moving slightly closer before nudging her, “Are...are you okay?”
“Oh, this is gonna be worse than I thought. Duck and cover!” DJ ducked under the table, the others not knowing if they should follow suit.
Ryan nodded at the others to get down before he walked over towards Pinkie. “Pinks? Are you…? Hmmm….”
Staring at her prone form, he could see that something was off...and looking into her eyes showed something crazy was indeed about to happen.
‘...why are her eyes flashing rainbow colors?’
“...that can’t be good. Fire in the hole!!” Ryan screamed before scrambling back to his herd and throwing up a shield. This was done just in time as Pinkie Pie exploded upwards in a magical caffeine induced rainbow blast, sending all sorts of crazy party items everywhere as she began bouncing all over the room.
DJ peeked out from underneath the table, watching with his eyes wide as Pinkie bounced all around. “Okay, no one gives Pinkie sugar for at least another hour after this. And in case you were wondering what would have happened if I drank that stuff, pretty much this except I would have died at the end.”
“Hmmm…” Ryan grabbed the cup, willed some more Surge into it, and downed it, “...Ah don't get it. If this does that to super sweets pone, then why isn’t it affecting me like that? This thing is quite possibly the sugarest, carbonatedest soda in existence.”
“Because yer used to it!” DJ said, ducking again as Pinkie bounced over him again.
“Ah suppose that’s true…”
“Darling, do something before she wrecks the place.” Rarity sighed, “If that happens, I highly doubt Princess Celestia and Luna will be very happy.”
‘I suppose we have no choice then...’
“Right. If we don’t survive, remember that we love you!” Ryan remarked, before scrambling out from beneath the table and pulling out a comically large catcher’s mitt, “Alright! Right down the plate!”
“Hey batta batta, hey batta batta!” DJ yelled out with a goofy smile.
‘And here’s the pitch!’ Dark shouted as Pinkie came hurtling towards them before making contact with the mitt, ‘Ooof! A super fast-ball...what’s that burning smell?’
Ryan blinked before looking down to see that Pinkie’s impact had set the glove on fire. Screaming in surprise he began to frantically run about.
‘Dude! Just yank it off!’
“Ah’m trying! But that impact from Pinks changed the structure of this thing! It’s stuck!” Ryan groaned, trying to pull the burning glove off as hard as he could. DJ rolled his eyes and walked over to Ryan, still pulling with all his strength.
“Really?” DJ asked with a raised eyebrow. He powered up his horn and fired a bolt of ice at the glove, putting it out instantly and freezing it solid. Ryan stared as the glove just crumbled away, revealing his hand, completely unharmed. “While I may be fire prone, I can always put it out with ease. Ice magic is best magic, after all.”
“Oh. Right. Magic. That’s a thing Ah should’ve done. Funny how the most common answer goes out the backdoor when yer hand is on fire.”
“Indeed,” Celestia said with a smile as she walked in. “Good morning to you all, my little ponies and humans. Ah DJ, would you mind if I had a word with my subjects, alone?”
“Nah, I can take a hint,” he waved off. “If you need me, I’m going to go make science and magic, which will probably explode, but that’s the fun part! Meep Meep!” With that, the blue alicorn was off.
‘...he’s gonna do something we’ll have ta fix, isn’t he?’
“Most likely partner.” Ryan sighed, “Anyway...what’s up, Cellie? What’s so hush-hush that ya have to chat with just us?”
“Ryan… have you and Darkness become… attached to our guest?” Celestia sounded off, almost worryingly so.
Ryan’s eyebrow raised slightly at this unexpected question. “Uhm, kinda. Ah mean, you’ve seen how hard Dark’s trying to be Malice’s friend and DJ...he’s certainly one to give me a run for the money in the random department. Ah mean, Ah know he’s gonna have to head back to his own reality soon enough, but he’s certainly someone Ah could call friend from what all has happened.”
Celestia sighed, hanging her head. “I was afraid of that.”
‘...Tia? What’s that supposed to mean?’
“Gather around my little ponies, I feel I should tell you all about the legend that we spoke of before. So you know what is to befall your friend in the future.”
“...ominous as always.” Ryan sighed before sitting down in front of Celestia with his herd.
“This legend...I find it curious there is no written form of it in any book I’ve seen, Princess.” Twilight scrunched up her face, “Even in the secret library, there’s no note of such a thing. Is this legend so secretive even those from a thousand years ago didn’t know of it?”
“You will find very few that know of the Beings, my faithful student. That is a part of their curse. You see, Beings of Harmony and Chaos have existed before, how many will remain a mystery, but there have been several. They are two of the most powerful beings who can exist and possess untold amounts of magic and very special abilities. They can wield the Elements of Harmony to their full potential. It has been said to be a marvelous sight to be seen.”
“So, what yer saying is, there’s a difference between how the gals and Ah—and Apple Ryder as well, it seems—wield the Elements compared to these high-level beings? And so, something about that makes them...hidden from reality?”
“The Elements are an ancient magic, Applejack. Far older than anything known to ponykind, as such they are a complete mystery. The Beings are special as they have a direct relationship with the Elements, able to access all the hidden powers within. What they are, we may know if DJ and Malice discover them, but we will never remember it.”
“So basically, what you’re telling us is that the powers are something that only the Beings will remember?” Lyra thought this over, making thinking noises as she did, “So...okay. The Elements are some super crazy old magic, that only these special ancient race of Beings truly understand, and anyone else that can harness them will never be able to match their understanding and expertise of them. So that being said...what exactly does that mean about the fate of them you and Discord kept talking about? What exactly happens in those moments that makes getting attached to them such a bad thing?”
Celestia sighed, knowing it was time. “It is not a bad thing to get attached to them, but it will hurt so much more when their destiny catches up with them. For you see my little ponies and human, the Beings destiny… is to die.”
“...Ah see.” Ryan closed his eyes. “Ah had an inkling that was what this was leading up to…”
“But it is so much worse than you think, Ryan. When a Being’s destiny is fulfilled, they will be… erased. Every trace of them will disappear, memories, deeds, relationships. All gone in the blink of eye, leaving only emptiness in their places. There will be nothing to say that they ever existed, such as they were meant to. Beings are not meant to exist, you see. Their powers are far too great for the mortal plain, but they come into creation when Equestria needs them most. When their duty is fulfilled, everything is returned to normal without them. This is why I feared you growing attached to those two, because I did not want you to have to go through that. I fear that it was the loss of a Being long ago that keeps this emptiness in my own heart as well as Luna’s and Discord’s. We may never know the truth, but that is what we will believe.”
“Ryan…” Fluttershy whimpered as she looked at their human, his eyes closed and arms crossed as he was deep in thought over this new information. In truth, Dark was a little surprised for the simple fact that he had an eerie emptiness in his own heart he could never explain, but had never confided it’s existence to either Princess or Discord. Eventually, Ryan took a deep breath before opening his eyes and saying one word.
“...bullshit. I refuse to believe that every part of me will ever forget somebody like those two. No matter how much yer head might forget, yer heart never does. And while it does seem as if a lot of things match up with DJ and Malice, Ah’m still not entirely convinced those two are exactly like these Beings. Something about them just seems off in a way Ah can’t quite explain...even if we go with yer theory about them, Ah just feel like that isn’t quite the full truth.” Ryan laughed softly, “Either way, Cellie, it doesn’t change a thing. Ah still wanna be their friends, and even if all you say is true, Ah will not forget them...and if possible, Ah’d do anything Ah could ta help them break “destiny” as it were.”
“I knew you would feel that way… I did too. But all I can remember was the legend they left us. Everything else is gone. Memories, pictures, their deeds erased from history and replaced with simple coincidences. I tried to keep track of them, to remember them, but it was all in vain. They cannot be saved, Ryan. All we can do is make their slim existence great. I wish there was more we could do for them, but it simply cannot be done.”
Ryan made a small noise in reply before removing his glasses dramatically. “Heh, Ah refuse to believe in the no-win scenario. If Ah did, Ah highly doubt Ah’d have ended up on this planet full of talking, technicolor ponies. Even though Ah know now of the connection Ah have to this world, something else had to spark whatever it was that ended up bringing me here. Believing that the future cannot be changed...that it is set in stone...Ah just can't bring mahself to believe that. The future hasn’t happened, it doesn’t happen till we make it, so by the heavens above Ah’ll fight to do every little bit Ah can to make a good ending happen. Even if it ends up just leading me to a stronger heartache...at least Ah tried, and Ah owe the future that much.”
“Very well, I cannot stop you from taking that route, but under no circumstance are you to tell either of them the legend. They cannot know.” With that Celestia walked off, her head hung and a slight tear in the corner of her eye.
‘...Tia. What did we forget...there’s so much I don’t remember as it is...but this one...hmmm...’
“...you okay, Rys?”
“Yeah, Dashie...Ah just...it just don’t sit right with me is all. Cellie is right about one thing: we can’t tell them. Ah’m not sure what that would do, if they knew...it might make things worse...or it might make them better. But Ah think for the sake of….”
‘Normalcy?’
“Yeah. For that it’s best to not let them know….”
“Rysy-Wysy…” Pinkie plopped her head in his lap, “Don’t be sad. We’ll do what we can too, okay? You’re our human, so we’re in this with you no matter what. Right, girls?”
“Yeah!”
“Haha, thanks.” Ryan heaved a sigh he didn’t realize he’d been holding in, “That was a little too heavy for the morning, Ah must admit…”
“Would you care to go for a stroll, darling? Perhaps if we took a small trip around town it might raise your spirits?”
“Maybe, Rare-bear. Some fresh air would do me some good...heh, while we’re out let’s bring back some donuts for Deej and Malice. Ah wonder what flavor they like best?”
‘Knowing Mallie, probably chaos flavored...though I’m not sure how Joe could make a donut like that. What exactly would chaos taste like anyway?’
Roughly an hour later, Ryan and his herd were walking through the castle, a bag of donuts in his hand. As they were getting closer to DJ’s room they stopped when they saw Celestia heading that direction as well. She spotted them and smiled warmly. “Hello again, I wish to apologize for the way I acted previously, my little human. I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
“It’s fine, Princess. What are you doing down here anyways?”
“I was on my way to see DJ. I am sending him back to Ponyville with you, I feel that the familiar surroundings would be good for him.” They reached DJ’s door now and Ryan prepared to enter.
“I bet he’d like that, let’s see…” he opened the door, but stopped short at what he saw within. The small room was now much larger… and looked like a winter resort! Then he saw DJ ski past him, smiling and humming ‘Winter Wonderland’. Ryan slammed the door shut, a look of pure confusion on his face.
“Is everything alright?” Celestia asked.
“I...I don’t…”
‘I’ve got nothing.’ Ryan steeled himself, hoping he was just seeing things and opened the door again. This time, the room was a large dank dungeon with a massive pipe organ in the middle. DJ was playing at the organ, but turned when he heard the door. When DJ spotted him, he hissed, revealing twin fangs. Once again, Ryan slammed the door, putting his back against it. ‘...What the hell?!’
“What is up with that crazy pone?!”
“Oh it can’t possibly be that bad,” Twilight said, pushing Ryan out of the way and opening the door herself. The two them looked in and saw a mad scientist's laboratory on a dark and stormy night. DJ was wearing a lab coat with a wild look in his eye, near a massive table with something under a white sheet. The thing began to move.
“It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!!”
And it gets three miles to the gallon!
Ryan and Twilight both slammed the door shut, neither saying anything. “I take back what I said,” she muttered.
“Oh you both are just being silly,” Pinkie said, pushing them both away and going in herself. “Hi DJ!” Ryan looked in and saw it was a motocross racetrack.
“Hey Pinkie!” DJ said as he drove past with a backflip on a motorbike. Pinkie closed the door with a smile.
“He’s fun.” She bounced back to the others, who were just watching with disbelief and confusion, same could be said for Celestia.
Ryan let out a breath and moved to the door once again. “I swear if somethin’ crazy is behind this door, he ain’t getting that donut.” He pushed the door open and saw DJ… with his chalk boards just writing notes. The alicorn looked over his shoulder and waved.
“Hey Ryan.”
‘Sup, shade-dork.
Ryan just started to stutter. “Wha...but you… and the organ… with the lightning…”
“That’s a good fish impersonation, buddy. Can you do an owl, too?” DJ was smiling quite innocently at him. Too innocently.
“...DJ? Yer an asshole.”
“What? I’ve just been watching you all open and close the door like a bunch of weirdos for the past couple of minutes and now I’m the asshole?”
Ryan raised a finger and tried to say something. Several times, but he ended up just face palming and throwing DJ the bag. “Just eat yer donut.”
“Food! Ooh, chocolate, my favorite! Thanks guys!” He plopped the donuts in his mouth and downed them with a gulp, licking his lips. “Mmm, delicious. So, what’s up?”
“Well, Cellie here says we’re all clear and good to head back home, so we figured we’d come here, tie you up, toss you in a sack, and kidnap you back to Ponyville.”
‘It seemed the proper thing to do, seeing as legal kidnapping is something we’re a pro at given all the surprises we pull on the herd. Haha.’
DJ stared back at them and then deadpanned. “You put me in a sack, I will find at least one of your herd’s parents and sing them ‘Two Pink Lines’ saying that it is true about you and their daughter.”
“...Ah’m afraid the full focus of the threat is lost on me, as Ah’m not familiar with that song, partner.”
DJ smirked at that and a bit of music began playing in the background. Oh boy, you just couldn’t have faked knowing the song. Ya brought this on yerself, dude.
“Uhm...okay? Ah still fail to see the issue here. What? Are ya gonna sing about me getting the gals pregnant or something?” DJ’s smile widened even more.
‘...oh God, he is. Well, Mallie’s words make sense now.’ DJ began to dance to the music and his song began.
She was pacing back and forth on her front porch
I pulled up slinging gravel in my daddy's Ford
She cried all the way to Johnson's store
I kept the motor running and parked by the door
Yeah, I was foolish and wild, she was classic and regal
We were fresh out of school both barely legal
We were young and on fire, and just couldn't wait
Six weeks in, she was three weeks late
One means none and we're home free
Two means three and a diamond ring
Yeah, I wonder what fate is gonna decide
We're just sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines
Sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines
Ryan’s face was quite red just from the beginning of the song. It took the girls a little bit longer to realize it, but when they did, they blushed profusely, Rarity even fainting in shock. Not even Celestia could keep the blush from her face.
Yeah, her daddy's gonna kill me and that's a fact
Maybe we'll just leave town and never come back
Or I could stand there and tell him, face him like a man
Oh, who am I kidding, he'll never understand
Yeah, that's second hand just keeps slowing down
I swear it stopped twice the last time around
Yeah, we'll know the truth in three minutes time
We're just sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines
Sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines
Hot summer nights, whispering her name
Under the blanket by the river bank
Hearts beating fast, we never thought twice
But she pulled me close and I held on tig--
DJ was pulled out of his song as Ryan finally clamped his mouth shut, blushing to the point that he was practically boiling like an egg. “That’s enough of that!” The pony simply smiled back at him, feeling victory. When Ryan let go, the smile still didn’t fade.
“Remember, Ryan, I play dirty.”
Ryan rolled his eyes, “Clearly. Ah suppose at the least none of mah herd’s parents were around to hear that. If yer quite done, Ah suppose we can head back home now.” He glanced at Rarity. “Uhm...well, after we wake mah marshmallow up anyway.”
DJ looked over at Rarity and blinked. “Huh. She even forgot to get out the couch. I knew I was good, but not that good.”
Ryan hefted Rarity on to his shoulder, rolling his eyes once again. “...don’t think so highly of yerself. Now hold on tight, we’re headin’ back the same way we got here, which means we use yer favorite mode of transport!”
“Ugh. I hate depending on other people for transport. Why can’t I teleport, damn it!?”
No idea kid, but you might as well give up on that dream. You and Twilight have spent months trying to figure it out and it just ain’t gonna happen.
“Man, so much for dreams coming true.”
“...I’m actually kind of curious about that myself.” Twilight noted before harmonizing her magic with Ryan’s, “It’s a pretty basic level spell, so the fact that you can’t utilize it seems quite bizarre.”
“Well, whatever the case, let’s head home. Later Cellie, say bye to Lunes for us and give a holler if ya need anythin’.”
With that the group popped out of sight, heading back towards Ryan and his herd’s home near Sweet Apple Acres. DJ took a big breath once they landed and smiled as he exhaled.
“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed. I still love that fresh Sweet Apple Acre smell.”
“Yeah, it’s something, isn’t it? Then again, home always does something to me like that. Something about them apple trees, the rolling farmland, the farmhouse in the distance...especially at sunset. It’s almost magical how it all just fits so perfectly.”
There was a silence for a few moments. “So… what happens now?”
“Well, darling, I imagine you’ll be staying with us while Twilight tries to work out that dimensional transport spell.”
“Heh, Rares is right on that one partner. Ah’ve got plenty of guest rooms, so yer welcome to crash as long as ya like. Shouldn’t be too long, seein’ as when it comes to magic mah bookworm is like the best mare ever.”
“Ry….” Twilight blushed, “I’m not that great...but I will do my best to get a spell created.”
“With that said, perhaps we should give you a tour of the house and then maybe Ah can interest ya in some of the crazy things Dark and Ah have tinkered to create.” Ryan smiled before pointing to the oddly designed house next door, “As Ah said, that’s Disky’s house so, feel free to say hi to him if’n ya want as well but...be aware his house is kinda….how to best put it?”
“Chaotic~”
‘Well, yeah that’s…!’
“Gah!” Ryan jumped at Discord’s sudden appearance behind him, “Disky! Ah told ya to stop doing that! Mah ticker can only handle so much of that!”
“Didn’t you see him when we arrived? He’s been here, like, the whole time.”
“...really? Huh.”
“Yeah, Ah figured ya knew, seeing as we all saw him standing there when we poofed back into reality, Apple Ryder.”
“...man, mah sensors must be off then. Maybe it was all the blows to the head earlier…”
“You have no right to complain,” DJ huffed with a sour look.
Ryan smirked. “Oh, Ah never said Ah was complainin’. Just makin’ a factual statement. So then, Disky, if you decided to join us you must be thinkin’ something. So...what’s on yer mind?”
“Do you really want to know?” Discord asked with a crazed look, getting right in Ryan’s face.
“I wouldn’t answer that if I were you,” DJ said. “Discord did that to me back home and… the rest of that day is a blank. Any ideas Malice?”
Huh… I can’t remember either. Something about ‘unlimited knowledge’ or something? I think he was trying to explain how he thinks.
“Oh, right. Again, don’t do it.”
‘...if it was that, I’d be okay. I had that discussion with Cordy soooo long ago. Come to think of it...when we had it, that’s when I started behaving the way I’ve been for 1,000 years.’ Dark made an odd noise at that realization. ‘Huh. Wonder if they’re connected? What you do think, Mallie?’
Do you really want me to answer that?
‘The question is...does the audience want you to?’
Point, they do love me more than you after all.
Ryan scoffed. “Maybe love to hate you more, you mean.”
...Isn’t that the point? Anyway, I don’t know much about Discord or his way of thinking, Dark. I’ve got my chaos, he’s got his. We’re equals.
Discord giggled at that. “Equals, he says. As much as I’d like to entertain that thought, there just isn’t enough time to dedicate to it. Well, if you ever want to return home in a reasonable amount time.”
“True, we ain’t got time to keep wasting on this frivolous stuff, even if it probably will be important later on. So, Twilight, let’s get to the magic of science! Or the science of magic, whichever. Well, after the tour and seeing this little project that Ryan mentioned he and Mac were working on.”
“Yes, yes, go have your little tour and all that fun. I have some matters to attend to, so if you’ll excuse me.” Discord quickly ran into a phone booth of all things—don’t ask where it came from—before emerging dressed in a caped outfit. Ryan and his herd immediately face-palmed, while Dark could only laugh in delight.
‘Yes! Away, Chaos Man! The city doesn’t need a hero like you, but it certainly deserves it!’
Twilight watched with the others as Discord...sorry, ‘Chaos Man’ took off before sighing. “So...how about our house?”
“As you can see, each room is more or less tailored to everyone in the herd so that they have all they need to partake in their interest. Whether that be a lab for T-Sparks to science in, a soundproof music room for Lyra to have her jam sessions in, or even a fully-decked out sewing room that the most gifted of seamstresses could create all manner of beautiful outfits. Everyone has their tastes perfectly represented...we even worked some Cloudsdale architecture! That was tricky.” Ryan turned to DJ before smiling, “So...that’s about it for the most part. Ah’m just glad that the house is actually staying put this time...this is the second one we had built ta be honest. The first….had an accident.”
DJ raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask. “Well, it certainly holds itself well. I’m rather impressed by it, actually. If you want, I could see about making it so that it lasts longer than the first one.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Oh yes. Seeing as our human does tend to attract all sorts of trouble, it would be just perfect if our home wasn’t say...turned into popcorn again or anything. Not! Not that I’m saying that happened or anything but….just in case something unexpected like that happened….yes…”
“Turned into popcorn?” DJ mumbled to himself with confusion. “Wow, that...sounds delicious?” He shook his head. “Anyway, well I could place a few charms around here and I could permanently secure the foundation if you wanted. I might need a few minutes to recall how the charms needed to be drawn but the alchemy will only take a second or two.”
“Yeah...delicious.” Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Ooooh!” Twilight clapped her hooves. “If you did that I’d get to see more of that interesting magic you used. I’ve heard of alchemy in books, but I’ve never seen it in use.”
“It’s not magic, Twilight. Alchemy is a science. It’s the science of constructing, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. It’s very powerful, as long as you don’t mess with its greatest taboo. Mind showing me the basement?”
“Magic, science...guys, it’s all the viewpoint. As Ah once remember someone telling me, any sufficiently advanced society’s technology would look like magic to another less advanced one.” Ryan motioned for DJ to follow him down a hall towards a door, “The basement is this way. Ah don’t see any harm in securing it, since Ah don’t see us moving the house.”
Rainbow Dash laughed, “Where would we move it anyway? It’s too big to go anywhere else in Ponyville other than out here in the farmlands.”
As Ryan led the way down, DJ decided to answer Twilight’s questions on alchemy. “Basically alchemy runs by its most influential law: the law of equivalent exchange. To receive, one must give in accordance. Everything has a price.”
“Equivalency, huh? I suppose that just as magic has it’s rules, so would alchemy. So...I’m guessing it’s greatest taboo has something to do with that, huh?” Twilight mulled things over before frowning. “I...I think I might have an idea just what kind of alchemy isn’t….right for lack of a better word.”
“If you’re thinking of life, then you would be correct. Human transmutation, as it is known, is considered the greatest sin of alchemy, for what could equal the price of a soul? Those who have attempted it have always come out with less than what they started with and it always rebounds on them. It’s not pretty.”
“FMA made that pretty clear, no matter which version of events you see. Ah trust yer not dumb enough to ever try that kind of alchemy, right Deej?”
“I’m insane, not stupid.” DJ started looking around the basement, inspecting the walls and ceilings. “Okay, I might have just enough elements to fuse your house to the ground. It might take away a little bit of the wall to do so, but then your house will basically be here to stay.”
“I don’t see that being a problem. We can always patch the wall back up later to replace what yer takin’. Now then...let’s see that lovely light show.”
DJ clapped his hooves together and a ‘ding’ sounded out. He slammed them to the wall and electricity began to pour out. The bolts arced all over the room: along the walls, across the floor and through the ceiling. After a moment, DJ stepped back and let out a breath.
“There. Your house is now one with the very ground it sits upon. The only way it’s coming out now is if you yank everything with it.”
“Well tarnation, Ah dont’ reckon there’s anything or anypony that could do that. Well...save for them there dragons, but they’re usually pretty docile and don’t mess with other species unless they do something stupid.” AppleJack laughed at a thought, “Unless some inconceivably powerful being from Equestria’s past comes back in some strange series of events and just bowls the house over with an attack, Ah think it’s safe ta say our home is finally secure!”
“Well, not quite. It might take some time to remember how to draw it properly, but when I do, I should be able to make this place chaos proof as well.”
‘That oughta be handy. Despite Cordy being more or less “good” again, it’d be nice to have a place safe to his kind of magic in case something bad happens. I don’t see it happening but...the world likes to throw curveballs at people when they least suspect them.’
DJ nodded in understanding. “Eeyup,” he said, nearly a perfect imitation of Big Macintosh.
“...that was kinda creepy how ya nearly sounded like mah brother.”
“Ah agree, Apps...that was weird.”
He shrugged. “Believe it or not, that’s actually how I used to do that on Earth. Before I even found out about ponies. It just happens to sound like him. Speaking of which, can I see that project now?”
“Sure! Mac said he was gonna tinker on it on and off while we were away so we might just bump into him.”
Heading along towards the farmhouse—particularly a building to the side that seemed newer and more modern—Ryan and DJ went to open the door before hearing a small exploding sound followed by a very iconic…
“...Nope.”
Looking at each other, Ryan pushed the door open and saw Big Mac coughing slightly as smoke filled their vision.
“Mac! What happened?”
Macintosh only coughed in response so Ryan and Dark decided to do the usual schtick.
‘Working on the engine?’
“Eyup.”
“Thought you had a breakthrough?”
“Eyup.”
‘But it ended up not going to plan.’
“Nope.”
“So then that explosion…?”
“Engine malfunction…”
‘And any progress?’
“Puff of smoke.”
“Well, that’s a bummer.” Ryan remarked as the smoke cleared to show the frame of a decently sized truck perched atop four tires. Though it was missing some parts still, it pretty much appeared more like a vehicle than it had the last time they’d had time to work on it. “Ah must say, Mac, you’ve been working on this a lot lately. Ah can’t believe how much it almost looks like a truck now.”
“Eyup. But that motor…”
‘Still can’t get the conversion right, huh? Well, not to worry! We’ve brought help!’
Big Mac looked about before seeing DJ and tilting his head, “Who might you be, partner?”
“Name’s DJ. I come from a parallel Equestria. Nice to meet ya, cousin.”
Big Mac nodded his head before raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“Oh, right!” Ryan laughed, “See...where he’s from, he’s kinda an Apple like Ah am. So, we’ve kinda deduced that in a weird cosmic way, we’re related. Like distant cousins.”
“Ah see.” Big Mac looked DJ up and down before tossing him a wrench, “Ya good with engines?”
“Unfortunately. My old man was an auto mechanic, so I know a thing or two. Plus I have a high understanding of mechanical creations.”
“It’s not the knowledge I knock, Mac. It’s the source I got it from,” DJ said with a frown before beginning to look over the engine. “Let’s see what we’re working with here. Uh huh….uh huh…. oh that’s not good. I think I see the problem, but I’m going to need a few more tools to be able to even start on this.”
“The source, eh? Hmm...kin trouble ain’t fun, Ah can tell ya that much.” Big Mac nodded before pulling out his toolbox, “Here’s mah collection. Hopefully what yer needin’ is in there. Otherwise, we might have to put in a request to mah uncle. If there’s one pony that can get us what we might need, it’d be him.”
“I think these should be just fine,” DJ said picking up a wrench in his magic. He leaned in to the engine, but the two could still hear him perfectly. “And I don’t have kin problems, Mac. I dealt with them already. Those two who gave birth to me can rot in the deepest pits of hell for all I care. At least I never have to see them again and I can be with my real family, once I get back to my world that is.” They heard a ‘ding’ and a few sparks that spooked Big Mac a little, but didn’t phase Ryan. “That’s one crack fixed, but now I gotta get this line in the right spot. Ya got oil running into the coolant.”
‘From what Ry’s memories are tellin’ me, that ain’t good. No wonder we were getting those overheating issues.’
Big Mac watched but still frowned. “Well, Ah ain’t clear on what all is going on with what yer saying that ain’t engine related, but as long as you act like a man and follow through on yer decisions then ya ain’t got any reason to regret them. And Ah’m not sure what yer doin’ in there, but it’s making a lot of noises Ah’ve never heard a tool make.”
“That was a little bit of my own ‘magic’. Can fix almost anything as long as I have the proper materials. Can ya hoof me a can of oil?” Ryan handed it to him instead. “Thanks.” They heard some more clinking and clanking from within. “Oh man, you guys really did a number on this thing. That shouldn’t be there,” he said while throwing out a few screws and nuts. “This should go here.” They heard a click and the sound of the wrench. “Ugh, now I gotta move this down here. Hoo, this was so much easier when I was working on the car with my daughters last summer.”
“...yer daughter’s?” Big Mac seemed surprised. “And well, Ah’m not surprised things are a bit...messed up. Airship engines ain’t exactly designed to power something on the ground. We had to get...how did Ryan say it? Creative?”
Ryan snickered, “Yeah. Creative...with a liberal dash of ‘Hey! Let’s do this and see what happens!’ to boot!”
“Heh, sounds like how most of my inventions go. Some work, but most just end up in the Shed as unfinished. I’m popular in my Ponyville for constantly making a ruckus of explosions. Biggest one was still trying to replicate that damn police box. On the bright side, we did figure out one thing about that machine.” There were more clanging sounds, though neither could see DJ’s head, they could see his hoof switching out tools every now and then.
“...police box?”
“It’s best not to ask, Mac.”
“Explosions, though...heh, sounds like you and bro here have a bit in common.”
“You have no idea. Still… wait, Malice did I lock the Shed before we left for this world?”
...I think so. Why? Spike can handle himself in there quite well.
“I’m more concerned about what Nyx and Scootaloo might get into. I still somewhat regret letting her keep the turbogizer.”
Big Mac’s eyes widened a bit before smirking. “Maybe more in common then Ah thought, seein’ as you’ve got a voice knocking around yer noggin as well. Ah probably should be surprised, but after being around Ryan Ah’ve discovered just how grounded Ah can be.”
‘...not sure how to take that one, partner.’
“Ah agree, Dark. Sounds like one of DJ’s little complisult things…”
Good lord, see what you’ve done?! Now they’re using your stupid made up words.
“Hey, what works, works.”
Fuck you, kid. Fuck you.
Big Mac shifted his piece of straw before frowning, “He’s a bit more vulgar than Dark...language wise anyway. Action-wise...heh, that remains ta be seen. Anyway, how’s the engine lookin’? With all that noise you’ve been a makin’, it sounds like yer retooling the whole dang thing.”
“Fairly close. You guys did quite well, considering you had no idea what you were doing, but it still needed some fine tuning. I should just need to adjust this last bit here and….ah, that should do her.” DJ pulled out of the engine, a few black smudges on his face, but none on his jacket. “Again, I love the enchantments on this jacket. Well, start her up, let’s see if I got it right.”
“All yers, bro.”
Ryan sighed and opened the door before staring at the key. “We meet again, old foe. Perhaps this time, Ah shall best you!” With that he sat down, crossed his fingers, and gave the key a turn. The engine made a noise once, then twice, before finally turning over and...actually running!
“Oh yeah! Listen to that pur!”
Ah, the marvels of human ingenuity. It’s like music to my chaotic ears. Do you hear it? It’s the sound of hundreds of ponies choking on pollution! HAHAHA!!
“Malice, yer a dick.”
“Well, not to burst yer bubble there, uhm, Malice is it? But seeing as this is converted from an airship engine, it runs on magic.” Big Mac continued his explanation while circling about the truck, “That “smoke” coming out of there is just harmless vapor given off when the magic...burns for lack of a better word. They usually run off of enchanted jewels, much like most of the wireless energy we have here. So no pollution. Sorry.”
Damn. Aw well, there are other worlds.
DJ just shook his head. “Well, it works, surprisingly. Shall we go for a test drive gentlemen? Go for a little cruise through town?”
In other words, let’s show off our new ride, bitches!
“Hmmm...she’s pretty much together.”
‘But has no seatbelts...’
“Can at the moment only be driven by a human, i.e. me….”
“There ain’t much in the line of safety devices….”
‘And it’s untested in field conditions….let’s do this shit!’
“Huzzah! Let’s make Tim ‘The Toolman’ Taylor proud!”
After tossing the doors open wide and clearing their exit route, Ryan grinned widely before flooring it. “MORE POWAH!!” DJ and Malice both grunted in agreement before holding on tight. Big Mac hunkered down and pulled his goggles on as they flew out across the barn. “Eeeeeeyuuuuuuuuuup!”
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, all was as it normally would be on a weekday afternoon with a small amount of ponies milling about. Running errands, making plans, or just partaking in another glorious sunny day; to them there wasn’t any way this peace could be shattered.
That is, unless five southern boys in a hastily made, modified, and one-of-a-kind Equestrian truck came plowing into town.
Which they did.
And thus there was panic everywhere!
“What is that thing!?”
“Look out!”
“...Ryan, what are you doing?!”
“That crazy ass human! He’s gonna kill us all!”
Ryan honked the horn while waving his left arm out the window like a madman, “Look out guys! It’s not entirely responsive...and the brake isn’t quite working as well as Ah’d hoped!”
“Eyup!”
“And that’s why I brought the tools!” DJ said as he pulled out Mac’s toolbelt.
Mac stared at DJ in surprise. “Yer not seriously gonna try and do repairs while we’re movin’, are ya?”
“Who else but me would be crazy enough to try!?” DJ then shot down underneath the steering wheel, shouting, “Banzai!” Ryan and Mac could hear many clanging sounds coming from down there, but then they heard the one thing that they didn’t want to hear. “Uh oh. Wrong switch!” The acceleration suddenly increased, pushing the two into their seats and sending DJ flying out from underneath the engine and back to his seat. “My bad!”
“God dammit, DJ! You had one job! ONE. JOB!” Ryan shouted as he swerved here and there to avoid running into any poor pone that was in the way...as well as not go crashing straight into any buildings. “Ya know, it’s at this time Ah’m thankful the streets of Ponyville are so damn wide. Ah always thought it was silly before...but thank heavens it’s that way.”
“Eyup...look out!”
“Huh?” Ryan gasped as they plowed right through a cart full of goods, “...oh God. That was Bon-Bon’s sweet cart, wasn’t it?”
‘Judging by the vulgarities being flung at us...probably. Bonnie is gonna have some choice words for you.’
“Oh no…” Ryan’s face paled. “And when Lyra hears about this...she’s gonna lay into me. We dun goofed! Any other bright ideas, Deej?”
“Working on it!” he said, crawling back into the engine compartment. “Come on, come on… got it! Try the brakes now!”
“Here goes nothin’!” Ryan slammed on the brakes and sighed as they slowed down before stopping...and then suddenly going in reverse. “How does that work?! This isn’t some Kart racer game! Dammit! Now it’s jammed! What even is this?”
“Okay… um, I have no idea how this is working now. Aw buck it, I’m hitin’ the kill switch! Hold on to somethin’!”
‘...this is gonna be ugly, isn’t it?’
“Eyup.” Big Mac hunkered down and held his breath.
Ryan did the same and could only wait to see what exactly this “kill switch” of DJ’s was...and hoped it didn’t get them killed in the process. Without warning, the engine shut down and the truck braked to an immediate stop. Ryan and Mac were jolted by it, but were pretty much unaffected. DJ on the other hand… went flying again.
“YAHOOHOOHOOIEE!!”
Admittedly, Ryan didn’t want to really make the awful pun brewing in his mind, but he knew he had no choice but to. “That guy...he’s pretty goofy, isn’t he?”
‘....so bad the author even knew you shouldn’t say it. Uhm...well we stopped...in the middle of the park. Which means….where did those two go?’
“Hmmm...judgin’ by their trajectory.” Big Mac followed the arc with his eyes and thought for a moment. “Ah reckon they’ve landed...somewhere in the middle of town. Possibly where the business district is.”
“Which means causing trouble for even more pones we know that’ll totally want our hide...or our teeth...or any other part of us.” Ryan face-palmed and sighed before getting out of the truck. “Well...no use in waiting. Let’s go find that brat.”
‘Don’t forget to lock up!’
“...Ah highly doubt anypony is gonna try ta steal this thing but...just in case.”
Ryan pushed a button and heard the truck beep once before beeping again into a very distorted beep.
“Well...whatever.”
“Eyup. Let’s go find DJ.”
Meanwhile in Ponyville, DJ was just coming to. “Oh man, did somepony get the license of that truck?” he groaned while rubbing his head.
“...my office. My lovely dentist office. What...what did it do to deserve this?”
He looked over to see a familiar blue unicorn. “Hey there. Sorry for dropping in.” He laughed nervously as he looked around the office. “Yeesh, I need to work on my landings, this place looks awful.”
“I...but...that is...who are you? Why did you do this? Where did you even come from with such velocity to destroy my office?” Colgate narrowed her eyes at the stranger. “Who are you anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around Ponyville before. Also...could you get off my patient? He’s in enough pain from having a root canal done as it is without you landing on him of all things.”
DJ looked down to see he was sitting on top of another pony, his eyes going wide with shock. “Aack! Sorry!” he yelled while jumping off. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. In my defense, I was sent here against my will as it was not my choice to fired out of an engine that was going roughly 50 in a 5. Nice to meetcha, name’s DJ. I’m shacking it up with your local human until I can get home. Again, sorry about the office and landing on your patient.”
The unicorn grumbled and moaned before looking at Colgate and grunting something before walking out the door...that promptly fell off of it’s hinges. Colgate could only stare forward in a dazed state as DJ rambled out his explanation. “50 in a…? Engine? What? Wait….wait….wait. You said human...and that’s only one person here. Oh yes...one of my favorite patients. So...this has to do with him does it?”
“There’s no one else crazy enough! Well, besides me. And… why do I feel something ominous from you saying ‘favorite’ patient? Wait… yer not obsessed with omnivorous teeth are you?”
Colgate’s response to that was to simply grin widely. “Oh, he’s my favorite because he’s my most interesting patient. What a struggle it was to get him in my office, but that chipped tooth of his was such a bother he had no choice. It was ever so fun getting to root around in his mouth...and that silly human that he is, he’s avoided a check-up since then. But now...now he has to come here to not only collect you...but to explain how he’s going to make up all this damage. Checkmate for Colgate!”
DJ stared at her in shock, then put a hoof to his chin in thought. “Hmm...well the damages can be fixed fairly quickly with a certain ability of mine, buuut… you know what Colgate? I’m gonna help you out here.”
“Help me out? Oh my...do I detect that you and our dear human friend have a bit of a...pranking rivalry going on? Not that it matters...but anything that gives me an edge on him is all the better.”
“Well then, let’s get started on trapping you a human,” DJ said with a little evil laugh.
As Ryan and Mac walked through Ponyville, Ryan had the urge to sneeze. “Achoo!”
“Bless ya. Somepony must be talkin’ ‘bout ya.”
“Good things, I hope. Now where did that little troublemaker get to?”
‘Uh… Ry? I think I see where he landed.’
Ryan paused to look in the direction Dark was motioning towards and suddenly grew quite pale at seeing the now crooked hourglass sign barely hanging on to it’s post. He gulped before laughing nervously, “Hahaha...ooooh shit.”
“So he landed in Colgate’s Dentist office, eh? Ah don’t know the whole story, but didn’t somethin’ weird happen between you and her?”
“Yeah...let’s just say being the closest she’ll get to work on a species with pointy teeth made for some curious moments.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair before sighing. “Guess we’ve got no choice. Come on...let’s get this over with.” As they walked in, they immediately felt something was off. Didn’t help that the door slammed shut behind them and locked.
“Look at that,” came a voice from behind them. They turned and saw DJ, wearing a nurse’s cap and a lab coat while holding a clipboard. “Dr. Colgate! Your three o'clock is here!”
‘It’s a trap!!!’
“No shit, Admiral.” Ryan whirled about, looking for Colgate. “Ah know yer there. Ah can feel you.”
Pull the string! So, DJ did, yanking on a comically large rope hanging from the ceiling. Ryan felt his feet get clamped together and then was hoisted upside down, hanging slightly above the ground.
“One human, hold the onions!”
“But Ah like onions!! This is an outrage!” Ryan wiggled about, “And why can’t Ah poof outta these things?! What did you do, DJ SPARKLE!?”
“I told you, I know some interesting charms. Plus, Malice let me use a little chaos magic. The whole room is magic proof, unless yer wearing a special band. Colgate just so happens to be wearing one, isn’t that right Doctor?” Colgate walked in, a little blue band over her right foreleg with a symbol of a snowflake on it, grinning madly. “The patient is ready for examination. Oh and Mac? If you sit back on this one, drinks are on me afterwards.”
Big Mac took a long hard look at the situation and stared at each individual in the room.
“Mac, bro...don’t tell me yer actually thinking of taking up his offer?” Ryan squirmed even harder. “The way we’ve bonded since Ah’ve gotten here...doesn’t that mean more than free drinks?”
Macintosh continued to think on it before a small smile made it’s way to his face. “Well, brother, Ah do know yer due for a check-up…”
‘Oh sweet Pony Jesus...we’ve lost Mac!’ Dark bemoaned the sight as he and Ryan watched Big Mac head over to a corner, sit down, and kick back for the show. ‘...All I know is, I hope we don’t sing about fluffy unicorns that happen to be a shade of pink again when this is all done.’
Ryan gulped as Colgate moved closer. “Colgate...stay back. Ah’m warning ya...there’ll be hell to pay if ya do this!”
“Oh come on, Ryan. She’s only a dentist.” He smiled darkly as he turned away and began to walk into the back. “What’s the worst she can do?” And with that, he was gone, leaving Ryan to his fate.
“I’ve waited so long for this!” Colgate squealed. “It’s like an early Hearth’s Warming present!”
Ryan’s pupils shrunk as she tied her mask on and moved in closer still before she was right on him. He shivered as he felt her breath on his cheek, “...m-meep. DJ Sparkle...this isn’t over…”
“Now… let me see those glorious teeth!!”
Only one sound was heard after that statement: Ryan’s terrified scream.
In the back room, DJ was laughing himself silly as he fixed up the office with alchemy.
“Ooh boy, Ryan sounds like he’s having fun.”
And you complain about me egging Dark on?
“Well, you legitimately hate Dark, I’m just having fun with Ryan. It’s rare that I can actually have a worthy opponent.” The back door opened and DJ looked over in confusion as Pinkie Pie bounced in. “Hey Pinkie, what are you doing here?”
“Well, Deejie-Weejie, my totally awesome ‘Someone’s Pranking’ sense was going off...and then I heard what sounded like my human in trouble so I came rushing right here to see what kind of fun I was missing out on!”
“Oh! Well, what you missed was I made Colgate’s wish come true. I caught her a human! She’s going nuts in the other room while Mac catches up on the old magazines.”
Pinkie giggled. “Oooh. It’s no secret that Colgate would take any opportunity she could to examine Ryan’s shiny chompers. I suppose that’s the scream explained...and the fun! I would ask why you’re in a nurse’s outfit, but that’s just silly! Why wouldn’t you be in one?! Oh! There was one other thing!!! What was it, what was it?!”
“At least Colgate had an extra that didn’t require a skirt,” DJ mumbled. “Well, knowing you Pinkie it either has to do with parties or fun so it must be important.”
“You in a skirt…” Pinkie’s mind started to drift. “Our human in a skirt...hmmm.” She shook her head. “No! That’s not important...at the moment anyway. And hey! I am not that two-dimensional! I’m actually here at Twilight’s request...she had heard from the other ponies in town that there was some crazy monster tearing around the streets causing havoc and mayhem! At first I was like “Oh maybe it’s Discord having fun, but then I remembered that this is the time he usually plays Pretty Princess Tea Time with Fluttershy which he doesn't know we know but we totally do and it’s okay because who wouldn’t want to be a pretty princess and drink tons of tea while eating plenty of cakes?!” So then we remembered you were around so maybe you were in town and had to deal with them and then we found something weird in the park and it kept beeping but it sounded sad and so I was sent to find Ryan or you...but both was best and that’s when I heard all the noise and...what was I talking about?”
“No need to worry Pinkie, you already explained everything quite well. And that thing is the project Ryan and Mac have been working on. I got it running for them so we decided to take it for a test drive. Unfortunately something went wrong and I became the first pony to be shot out of a truck… at least on this world anyway. You probably activated an alarm or something on it to make it keep beeping. Since Ryan’s gonna be a while and I just finished up cleaning in here, I’ll come back with ya to shut up the hunk of junk.”
“Gah! Grumple! Hoofs don’t go there!” Ryan shouted out before being silenced again.
‘...this is what a check-up entails these days? Man, I really have been out of the loop.’
Somepony shove a hoof in his mouth. Damn pervert.
“At least he makes things interesting. Let’s get a move on Pinks, before Ryan gets free and decides that I’m next on her chopping block. I don’t trust him to keep me being a former human a secret for long.”
“Well, that’s whatcha get for starting something with our human~” Pinkie giggled as she hopped out the door, “As the Princess says when she’s being all pranky-pants, you don’t put pony in a corner. That’s when all the fun ideas start blossoming and you’ve automatically lost.” She narrowed her eyes, “And then there’s me...remember, DJ: I said I forgave you, but I never forget. Anyway! Let’s go! Hop-hop-hop!”
DJ watched her bounce off a little before his whole body shuddered. “No matter what world you are in, don’t mess with Pinkamena Diane Pie. It will never work out right. Hey Pinkie, wait up!” He raced after her and the two arrived at the park a few minutes later. DJ couldn’t hear anything though, making it seem strange. “I thought you said it was beeping?”
“...it was.” Twilight sighed at seeing the two of them, “That was till AJ decided she’d had enough of this thing mocking her and she bucked it like a tree.”
“Well how was Ah to know it wasn’t alive? It kept beeping and being all ornery...like it was mouthing off to us.” AppleJack huffed, “It ain’t mah fault Ah didn’t know it wasn’t alive.”
DJ sighed and shook his head. “It’s a truck, AJ, not R2-D2. It’s your human and brother’s little project. And I just got the thing running.” DJ sighed and began to look things over. “It’s gonna take some time before this thing is running again. I think you may have ruptured the magical influx in this thing. Be glad it didn’t explode on you.”
“...aw, buck. This was Apple Ryder’s secret little project? Man...he’s gonna be so angry with me now that Ah messed it up.” AppleJack’s eyes widened. “Mah snuggle privileges!!”
Rainbow Dash snickered, “Too bad, AJ. Looks like I’ll be taking some extra time with my snuggles now. Oh, and he just figured out this one thing with your ear that….oh, it makes me sigh just thinking about it.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “Keep it in the pants you don’t wear, Dash. I doubt DJ wants to hear about our loving moments with our human.”
“As long as I ain’t hearing it from you, Twilight, I think I’m good. Besides, I highly doubt Ryan will be mad at you AJ. He’s gonna be too busy being mad at me for leaving him at Colgate’s mercy.”
There was the sound of a record scratch before Ryan’s herd turned to face DJ all at once.
“You did what now?!”
“Oh come on, how bad could it be? I mean when I first met Colgate, she shoved her entire head in my mouth. I’m sure Ryan’s fine, she’s a reasonable mare, not like she’s gonna rip out his teeth or anything. He just needs to man up and face her down like a proud warrior. Or at least without whimpering like a baby. Besides, Mac’s there watching him so it shouldn’t get too out of control.”
“Well, Ah guess as long as he’s got his magic and stuff she won’t do anything too bad.” AppleJack looked at DJ before blinking. “...he can’t use it, can he?”
“Uh, that would be a no. Not for the next…” he stopped to think on it, “fifteen minutes, I think is left on the charm before it fades? Around that.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “So he can’t? As long as Colgate doesn’t know, he can just bluff his way outta it….oh pony feathers, she knows that’s as well. Right, DJ?”
“Well… I did kinda help her catch him after all.”
“....” Twilight had no idea how to respond to that.
“U-uhm...if those are both true...and the spell is going to run out soon, what happens then?” Fluttershy dared to ask. “Miss Colgate is a bit crazy about teeth...and to have total control over that kind of situation with Ryan. Oh dear, oh my...what if she steals all his teeth? Then he’ll have to eat mush for the rest of his life! Why would you do that to him, DJ? Why?!”
“Uh… because? I highly doubt Colgate will do that. She’d be much more willing to leave them in to take them out. Teeth can change over time afterall, so I doubt she’d risk the chance to observe human teeth over time. You’re worrying over nothing. I’m sure he’s perfectly fine.”
Twilight sighed, “DJ does have a point...she’s crazy about teeth...but Lyra is nuts about hands and she didn’t cut Ryan’s off or something to try and grow a hand tree.”
Lyra giggled. “That’s silly...hands don’t grow like that. If they did, Ah’d have grown a pair of my own long before Ryan showed up. Besides...those work a lot better when he’s got them.” She stuck her tongue out and grinned, “Oh yeah...all the right spots. But wait...you said fifteen minutes...was that fifteen from when you got here or fifteen when you were heading here?”
“Heading here… oh horseapples.”
There was a sudden explosion of magic from town before a figure was seen flying off into the air.
“Totally worth iiiiiiiiiiiit!” Colgate shouted as she went flying into the lake.
Hovering above the town was one figure that was unmistakably Ryan...and he looked rather cross about the whole ordeal.
“DJ SPARKLE! Ah’ve been touched in places Ah didn’t know ya could be. Mah teeth are almost too shiny now...and for that, you must pay!!” Ryan roared as his aura flared. “Come, Dark! We’ve vengeance to extract!”
DJ watched with a twitching eye. “Well, this is why you always prepare!” He put a hoof behind his back and then pulled out a familiar black spot.
“Is that my portable hole?!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Yep! That’s what I thought it was. I figured it would come in handy. And I left a note that I was borrowing it, so it doesn’t count as stealing.” He threw the hole at the ground and then jumped in. “Catch ya on the flipside girls! Flipside of the planet that is!”
“Hey! Nobody can enter my hole but Rysy-Wysy! Get back here!”
Ryan had watched this and smirked. “Hahaha...Looney Tunes won’t save you now. Partner...ya got a lock on him?”
‘Oh yeah...he’s gonna be popping up in Chineigh any moment now.’
“Perfect.”
DJ Sparkle did indeed do as he said he would, using the hole to his advantage and appearing on the other side of the planet...startling a few innocent Chineighs ponies at that with his sudden appearance. Breathing a sigh of relief, he cantered over and sat a table where someone was already waiting.
“My apologies, good sir. I know this table is taken, but I’m in desperate need of a breather.”
The figure nodded before continuing to eat his food. “Ya wanna know something, DJ?”
“Yes, Ryan?” DJ said as he mentally prepared for what was coming.
“Even here, Chineighs food leaves you hungry for more an hour later. Seriously, what kept you? Ah even had time to get this outfit and everything. Was there traffic in the hole?”
“Yes, actually. I had to shove Pinkie Pie off in New Zeighland. I think she deserves a vacation. So before you try and destroy me for leaving you with a crazed dentist, may I say one last thing?”
“Hmm...guess we’ll have to pick Pinks up on the way back then.” Ryan regarded DJ for a moment before smirking. “Though Ah might regret such, what is on yer mind?”
DJ leaned up and kissed Ryan hard on the nose, making the human reel back. “Ain’t I a stinker? Woo hoo! Woo hoo!” DJ bounced off, a gleeful smile on his face.
‘What a wascally wabbit he is for an alicorn.’
“Indeed.” Ryan threw off his disguise before grinning and giving chase. “Let’s just hope this doesn’t turn into the Equestria version of ‘Around the World in 80 Days’. Ah’m not sure the audience could tolerate that one. Now then...get back here you!”
“See ya back in Ponyville! I’m bouncing around the world!”
Check ya later shade-dork! Maybe we’ll pick ya up some souvenirs!
‘Awwwww. I knew ya liked me, Mallie-kun~’
“...it might not be wise to let them hop about...but knowing him he’ll just break time and space like Pinks and be back before we know it. Probably by the next paragraph break. Speaking of...best go collect our pink pone.” Ryan leaped towards the portable hole and dove in, “Geronimo!!!”
“Conga!!” Pinkie shouted as they played the classic jingle. This was the scene that Ryan and Dark showed up to. Only five minutes and Pinkie already had the entire area in a massive party. “Do do do! Do do do do! Hey Rysy-Wysy! Wanna join?”
“Ooooooooh….sure, why not? We’ve got the time to. But only one complete rotation, okay?” Ryan followed behind her, rocking the line with the other ponies. “After all, do as the locals do when visiting, right? Do-do-do-do-hey!”
“Hey Ry!” DJ said as he drove by the island on a jet ski, causing the line to stop and stare. “Bye Ry! Bye Pinkie!” He was out of sight within the minute.
‘Like clockwork! Do-do-do-do-hey!’
“You could set a watch to him!” Ryan chuckled before looking back at Pinkie, “Hey Pinks! That was our sign to make tracks. Ready to go hole diving again?”
“Yeppers! Bye everypony! I’ll be sure to come back and visit again real soon!”
“Bye Pinkie Pie!” They all waved in unison as the two dove into the hole. When they came out again, they found a very somber sight. Twilight and the others were crying, all while standing in front of a gravestone.
“Uh...gals? What in tarnation is goin’ on here?”
Twilight turned to him, tears in her eyes. “Ryan? What took you so long? He waited for you. Waited so, so long. But now it’s too late, he’s already gone.”
Ryan’s eyebrows raised quite high in confusion. “Who?”
“See for yourself,” she pointed at the stone. Ryan got down on one knee and read the stone aloud. “‘Here lies DJ Sparkle, loving husband and father. What took you so damn long?’”
“...this is stupid. He’s an alicorn. He wouldn’t die of old age, because if that much time truly passed...sad as it is to say, Ah highly doubt some of y’all would be here. So if he’s hiding under the ground, waiting to pop up and go all ‘Thriller’ on me...he’d better get his ass up here and dance before Ah lose the mood!”
“Oh well, we tried Darling, but he wouldn’t go for it!” Rarity called out.
From out of the ground, a grey ghost flew up and appeared. “I told you he wouldn’t go for this Twilight. But noooo, you just had to see if he would fall for the ‘faked death’ gag.”
Twilight hmmphed. “Well it would have worked if you weren’t an alicorn.”
“How is that my fault?” There was a green flash and DJ was back to normal. “Wassup buddy?”
“Oh, the usual: breaking reality, being awesome like Prussia, derailing mah bookworm’s attempts at pranking. Haha.”
“Do I need to keep running?” DJ said pointing his hoof away from Ryan.
“No, no...no.” Ryan shook his head. “It’s easier to just leave ya guessin’ when the next strike will happen. So yer okay...fer now.”
“You do realize that will have no effect on me right? I’m constantly paranoid, it’s how I’m still alive after all these years. Plus, my favorite defense in those situations is a random frying pan to the face, just to warn ya. And was also kinda hoping for a chase,” DJ pouted as he pawed at the ground.
“God, what is it with you pones? Even the dude ones got the eye look down.” Ryan gripped his chest. “Right at mah heartstrings...oh fine. If ya want me to go all crazy and chase you around Ponyville, Ah suppose that does sound like fun. In fact…”
‘Oh, I like this idea.’ Dark cackled. ‘Yes...let’s all chase DJ. The more the merrier...right?’
DJ’s eyes bugged. “Wuh oh! I may have gotten in over my head. Oh well, I finally get to have them play my favorite. Boys! Do the thing!” Immediately, a classic chase tune began to play as DJ zipped off, Ryan and the girls not too far behind. As the song continued, the group followed behind and hounded him no matter where he went: popping out of shop stands, from inside potted plants, even leaping out of one poor pony’s saddlebags somehow. DJ led them all around town and then some as the mysterious tune continued on much to the human and ponies’ enjoyment. Like all good things, though, it had to come to an end as DJ collapsed, groaning loudly.
“Too hungry to keep going~! Need food.”
The others circled around him before shaking their head and smiling.
“DJ will be DJ.”
With that Ryan tossed him over his shoulder and they headed back to their home to go rustle up some grub not only for DJ, but for themselves as well.
...that was, until they heard an angry. “RYAN!!”
“Huh?” Lyra turned around, “...isn’t that Bon-Bon’s voice?”
Dark snickered. ‘Which one?’
“STOP MOVING THIS INSTANT!”
Lyra turned to Ryan with a questioning look on her face. “Rys, what happened? Why is she yelling for you...and why is she angry?”
Ryan gulped before laughing nervously. “Well...ya see...when DJ and Ah and Mac were going around town in our out-of-control truck...we...kinda, sorta, may have plowed right into her cart she uses to sell her sweets at the market.”
“Think she has any leftover treats?” moaned DJ from Ryan’s shoulder, not really bothering to care what was happening anymore due to hunger.
“Dammit, DJ. This isn’t the time!” Ryan gasped before he felt a chill go down his spine. “Oh...Lyra’s givin’ me that look.”
“Ryan….” Lyra’s face seemed clouded over by her emotions after hearing what he’d apparently done to poor Bonnie. “Tell me...when were you planning on letting me know about this?”
“Uhm...eventually?”
“Don’t be too hard on him, Lyra. It was my fault,” DJ said groggily, still suffering from a lack of food. “I was trying to fix the brakes and ended up increasing the accelerator instead. Ryan was only driving, it was because of me we crashed through her cart.”
Malice sighed, though Dark swore he saw the twinges of a smile on his face. If the kid’s one thing, it’s honorable. No one ever takes the fall for something that was his fault.
Lyra’s features softened some. “Really? Well I better tell Bonnie before—”
“Ryan!” Bon-Bon growled before leaping and tackling him to the ground.
“Oh dear God! Not again!” Ryan whimpered, “B-Squared, stop!”
“Bonnie! Stop! It’s not his fault!”
“What?! Lyra! He was in control of whatever that thing was that crashed my cart.”
“He might have been...driving?”
Ryan nodded quickly.
“Driving it, but DJ was the one that screwed up and made it go out-of-control.”
“DJ?” Bon-Bon looked and saw that, when she had tackled Ryan, she’d sent him crashing on top of what appeared to be a blue alicorn that was currently groaning about how ‘Blue Alicorn Needs Food Badly’. “...Look! I don’t care who did what, I’m out a cart! Those things aren’t cheap, ya know? They don’t just grow on trees!”
‘Technically, Bonnie, they do since they’re made of wood.’
“Quiet, Dark!”
‘Meep! Man, Bonnie is like super pissed this time.’
“If it’s money she wants, Cinco!”
“Oy!” Bonnie shrieked when a miniature Discord appeared out of DJ’s pocket, wearing a beard and a black hat.
“Didn’t I tell you to take that off? It’s highly racist.”
“Still funny,” the Discord shrugged. “What did ya need boss?”
DJ rolled his eyes. “How much cash I got on me?” Cinco pulled out an abacus and started running calculations.
“Hmm… in total, boss, ya got about 9,658 bits on you. We have another ten thousand stashed away as backup just in case.”
“Thank you Cinco, you can go back to what you were doing. But get rid of that outfit!”
“I don’t wanna!” Cinco withdrew back into DJ’s pocket before DJ could reprimand him. The alicorn sighed and then looked back to Bon-Bon. “So, how much do you need to replace your cart?”
Bon-Bon’s mouth flopped open and closed a few times as she tried to process everything she just witnessed before her brain finally caught up. Shaking her head she frowned, “If I’m to recoup the cart and all the goods that were ruined when you smashed into it, it’d be about...600 bits. 500 for the cart and 100 for the goods.”
“That’s reasonable.” DJ magicked up the bits in a bag and passed it to Bon-Bon. “Trust me, I know business and that’s just how things work.”
Bon-Bon nodded, placing the sack of bits into her saddlebag. “I’m glad you understand then. Ryan? Sorry for tackling you like that.”
Ryan waved a hand from his position on the ground. “S’okay. It happens. You know me and the ground have a special relationship.”
“Yes...anyway, next time you guys come by my shop, I’ve got a new candy to let you try. I’ll see you later, everypony.”
With that Bon-Bon headed back towards town, leaving Ryan to slowly get up and grumble. “These ponies...they’re something else.”
“Keeps things interesting though.” Ryan looked over to see that DJ was still sprawled out on the ground and he deadpanned.
“Can ya seriously not move when yer hungry?”
“Nnope. Hunger is the bane of my existence. So… can we eat? I promise not to go raid yer fridge this time.”
Snickering, Ryan once again hefted DJ up on to his shoulder. “Thank God you ponies are so dang light, otherwise we’d just leave yer butt here. Then again, that means we’d have to bring you food...so Ah suppose it’s all fer the best.”
“Ah reckon Pinkie and Ah can cook up something tasty for all of us.”
“AJ’s right! Wooo! Time to make something delicious and tasty and super-duperriffic energizing for everypony!”
“Yay. Food,” DJ said with as much enthusiasm as he could produce… which wasn’t very much in his food deprived state.
After returning to their home, AppleJack and Pinkie got to cooking and whipped up a double-whammy of deliciousness: the Equestria famous Apple Stew and Pinkie’s own insanely sweet take on an Icebox Cake. DJ anxiously stared as they brought the food into the dining room and sat it down on the table. “Soup’s on everypony! Let’s dig in!”
Bad wording on your part sister. Just as AJ was about to ask what Malice meant, DJ literally dug into the food, sending scraps and making loud munching noises as he devoured the feast.
The group all blinked at the way DJ was acting, particularly how he was eating stew that way, until he was finally finished...and had eaten everything.
‘...damn, Mallie. Whose stomach does DJ have? Luffy’s? Goku’s? Or does he have like four stomachs and each one fills the other in some domino effect?’
Allow me to explain it with one word: Zoinks!
“Scooby-Dooby Doo!” DJ howled before falling onto his back.
It’s a side effect of him learning Pinkie Physics. I kinda approve of this one, though.
Ryan merely face-palmed before heaving a sigh. “...jinkies.”
Lyra frowned before looking at the others. “I’m so lost…was that supposed to mean anything?”
“It’s probably just something about their world. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof about before huffing, “What you should worry about is DJ just ate the lunch meant for all of us! We’re hungry too, ya know!”
DJ, however, didn’t respond. Well, looks like you’re stuck talking to me. The kid’s in a food induced coma. He’ll be fine in about two hours or so, when he’s hungry again.
“Perfect...we get to spend time with the guy that threatened to kill all of us. Pardon me if Ah’m not too thrilled.”
“Now Apps, Malice...well, Ah won’t lie. That was kinda a dick move, but considering who he is it’s be to expected. Ah suppose at the least we can take the time to try and get to know our other guest...it’s only fair, after all.”
‘Oh! I like that idea! Let’s hear all about you Mallie-kun! Wait!’ There was the sound of what seemed a chair scraping across the ground before a whoomph as Dark sat down. ‘Okay! Got my notebook and stuff, let’s hear what ya got to say, Mallie ol’ pal!’
Malice was silent for a moment. ...You actually want to know about me?
‘Well, duh. I mean, I do want to be your friend...that much is obvious given all the antics I’ve done, right?’ Dark laughed softly. ‘So what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t want to get to know more about you?’
Wow, no one has ever cared enough to actually bother hearing from me. The kid is the only one who could hear me and would even give me the time of day. Everyone else just knows me as the demon within. Even Twilight just sees me as a nuisance.
Dark frowned. ‘Well, that’s not entirely fair. I mean, yeah, you are a bit extreme in some regards, but to not even want to talk with you to find out why yer like that or what your thoughts are? Seems like that Twily kinda dropped the friendship ball there.’
Well, to be fair our first meeting kinda went south pretty fast when I told her I was the one who destroyed DJ’s life on Earth.
Ryan’s face scrunched up at that. “Ya know, come to think of it, Ah do recall y’all saying something like that earlier. Ah didn’t ask at the time because of other things, but what is that supposed ta mean?”
I am a lot older than I appear. Discord may have given me sentience only a few years back, but I have existed for far longer. I came into being when the kid was younger, a lot younger, when he realized the truth about his world. He saw the violence, the anger, the hatred, and the greed, but he wanted no part of it. He shoved away those feelings that the world was pressing into him and it created what would eventually become me. This, however, was ineffective as my influence still existed. It drove a wedge between him and every other being on the planet, including his family.
“Hmm...so if Ah follow what yer saying, he was basically unable to keep the more darker aspects of the world from infiltrating his thoughts. And because of that, he probably had a more negative outlook on a lot of things…” Ryan nodded a bit. “Hmmm, Ah can understand that...Ah certainly had mah moments in life back on Earth where humanity just kinda...got on mah nerves far more than they should’ve. Things aren’t peachy back there, Ah’ll agree to that much. Still, it sounds as if DJ wasn’t able to see the good as well as the bad...or at least have enough good influence to help him see it over the bad. Pity...Ah wonder if he’d be just as hungry for the darkness if that had happened?”
Well, that actually has something to do with our lifestyle. You saw how much he was pushing for you to accept the power darkness has, but that was because that we have accepted that power and are better off because of it. Ya see, and this goes for everyone here, for one to truly accept life, they need to accept everything it holds. Light and darkness, good and evil, it’s all the same really, just different perspectives. Light and Darkness together create harmony as well as chaos, which are needed to keep everything in balance. There can be no darkness without light, and no light without darkness. It’s how things are meant to be.
“Well yes, darling, most everypony knows that much. The light and the dark are just two sides of the same coin.”
“Rares is right. Even with all the things Ah saw on mah Earth, Ah wasn't so naive as to think that you can only have light or only have darkness. You can’t get rid of one because the other needs it.” Ryan chuckled softly. “Again, KH kinda drives that home a bit, especially in the prequel. But Ah guess that is the difference between DJ and me, then: while he pushed aside the darkness when he first saw it all, Ah realized it was there and wasn’t going anywhere. So Ah just let it be instead of trying to pretend it didn’t exist. Ah imagine that bit is why we have such varying attitudes when it comes to embracing it.”
So what you are saying is that you are Sora while the kid is Riku? I can see it. Riku was the cooler one, after all. Anyway, if you’re really interested, go ahead and ask me anything. I don’t give a damn what the topic is. You know what? The question doesn’t even have to be about me, this time. Go ahead and ask away, shade-dork and others.
“Ah suppose that’s true to some degree. Heh, Sora had the awesome fusions though so...Ah guess that works. Ah can roll with that.”
‘An open forum you say? Oh, Mallie, that’s making my day! Now then...let’s see. Let’s start with something simple all friends should know about their friends: Their likes! Favorite food, favorite drink—probably booze of some kind knowing you Mallie-kun—but most importantly, something I wish to know. And that is...do you really like Luna?’
Favorite food would be… all food. Thanks to Pinkie, anything and everything is available to be eaten now! And yes, booze is my favorite drink, specifically my hoof-crafted shine. To the last thing… I plead the Fifth.
Dark chuckled. ‘All food...figures. Haha. I reckon that Spectrum’s on that list somewhere now. And Mallie? You can’t plead that here. It’s not a thing in Equestria.’
“Props for trying, Dark, but Ah doubt Malice would go talking about his love interests.”
‘Can’t blame a guy for trying...now then. What else should I ask since we have the time?’ Dark tapped his notepad before pausing. ‘...is there anything you regret and wanna get off your chest? That’s what friends are for, and I’m all ears if ya do, Mallie.’
Malice was silent for a few moments. … I regret not trying to stop DJ from committing seppuku. I should have tried harder to reach him, but I didn’t and he had to suffer for it.
Dark was a little stunned that Malice not only did have something he regretted, but that it was something like that. Saying nothing, he simply walked over and hugged him for a moment before finally speaking up. ‘Well, I didn’t expect you to say something that heavy, that’s for sure. But, at least that does show I was right about one thing. That deep down under all that world-weary anger and, well, malice you’ve still got a heart that’s capable of the better aspects of humanity. After all, you wouldn’t regret it if you didn’t actually care for DJ.’
Don’t get ahead of yourself, shade-boy. Just because I care about the kid’s well-being, doesn’t change the fact that I want to kill him. Besides, no one, especially the kid, should have gone through what Death did to him. No one should be forced to watch what their mistake does to their loved ones.
‘Right, right. Tough guy Malice. I getcha. Hahaha. But...yeah. I will agree with you on that one. That’s not something I’d wish on anyone.’
Heh, you think I kid about that, but I have my reasons for wanting to kill DJ. Anyway, you can’t be the only one with questions for me. If the kid’s wife is anything to go by, Twilight must be eager to learn about a, what did you call it? A Being of Chaos?
“Well, technically that is what the Princess called you but...yes. I was wondering about that since she was kind of vague about the whole ordeal.” Twilight nodded. “So, Malice, what exactly does that mean you are? You said you were DJ’s repressed feelings about his world’s negative qualities...but some of what you said makes you sound more than that. What exactly are you?”
Just like I told Dark and Ryan, I am DJ. Or I used to be him. As you all know, discording transforms you into your direct opposite. When the kid was discorded, it did the same thing except it went further than expected, actually giving me life. Because of that, what I am is entirely darkness, anger, greed, and chaos; mostly chaos. Darkness gave me form, anger gave me power, greed gave me ambition, and chaos gave me life. That is why I am more proficient in chaos magic compared to the kid. If you want proof of that, well, Ryan still hasn’t noticed his chair is made of green Jell-O. Heh heh.
Ryan blinked before frowning. “Ah thought mah chair was a might wet...and not as high as it had been. But green Jell-O? No one likes green. Damn, Malice, Ah knew you were mean but even that’s going a bit too far.”
“Our human’s humor aside—”
“Hey!”
“—what exactly makes you different from say, Discord? You’re both beings of chaos from what I gather, but I suspect there’s some kind of difference between the two of you.”
A major one. Unlike that patchwork nutjob, I am actually completely sane.
‘I don’t know, Mallie. Cordy acts crazy, but sometimes he does things that make me wonder if it is just an act. Heh, then again, I suppose I should be glad he’s got like nearly zero attention span, lest he do something truly chaotic.’
Huh, I’ve never seen Discord like that before. Then again, I’m probably a little biased after seeing Discord sing ‘You ain’t never had a friend like me’. That was some messed up shit that happened there. Back on topic, though. My brand of chaos, well, it’s not exactly ‘family friendly’, if ya get my drift.
“Ah think we do after seeing what ya tried to do to Discord and Dark’s gal.” AppleJack grumbled slightly. “Yer pretty keen on spilling blood if’n the mood strikes ya, that much is obvious.”
Doesn’t everyone? Ha! Nah, just kidding. I do what’s needed to get the job done and I have the most fun doing so. Besides, I don’t remember ever threatening any of you, so I don’t see what you’re so miffed about.
“I imagine AppleJack is just upset that you did something to our friends. Even if you didn’t threaten us particularly, you still did something to people we care about.” Twilight sighed. “I know you did it to piss off Dark so he’d “give you what you wanted” but it is a bit hard to get over the fact you probably would’ve killed them if he hadn’t snapped like that.”
Wait… you really think I would have killed them? No, no, no, no! I had no reason to kill them! I’m not a monster, ya dumb pack mule!
Ryan growled softly. “Watch who yer calling names, Malice. And frankly, how were we to know you wouldn’t? You just bust out, break the charms, get all pissy that Dark ain’t taking you “seriously”, and then start force-choking two of the people he cares about the most. All yer comments before ya took control didn’t exactly paint a great picture, so it’s not exactly a surprise some of us would think you’d go that far.”
That was the whole point! To convince the old man to take me seriously because he was the first being to ever truly treat me like a friend since DJ!!
‘Ah ha! So you do consider me a friend! I knew it!’ Dark chuckled giddily. ‘So basically you did all that because I wanted to be your friend? Heh, I’m kinda touched it meant that much to you. But see? I knew you got friendship...at least you sorta do anyway!’
Malice went silent for another moment. Dark… I don’t see you as a friend. I don’t even see the kid as a friend. I don’t have friends, I can’t have friends. That’s how things are gonna stay.
‘Hmmm...I wonder. Can’t...or won’t?’ Dark shrugged before smiling. ‘Either way, I won’t stop trying till you call me friend, Mallie!’
Malice mumbled something, but Dark would swear forever afterwards that it was ‘thank you’. Well… fine. Just don’t go overboard, can only take so much of you. But still, it feels like only Dark wants to get to know me, here. There has to be at least one more creature here who wants to know about my magnificence!
The group there merely rolled their eyes before smirking.
“Darling, I hate to say it, but you and dear Dark are more alike than you may think.” Rarity giggled. “Perhaps that’s why you just seem to work so well together. But, you do have a point. I would dare wager we all are a bit curious about you given what the Princess told us. Whatever you may answer, we must obviously keep it from DJ but...do you really think you are one of these beings she and Discord told us about?”
Honestly? I haven’t got a clue. We don’t have this legend back home, or if we did, Cellie ain’t talking. But, it would definitely put a few things into perspective if we were. Makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
“Uhm, what exactly do you mean by that?” Lyra titled her head in slight confusion. “What exactly does this legend make sense of?”
Well, it would, for one, mean that DJ was destined to come to Equestria in the first place. Two, it would confirm how DJ has been able to rage shift since long before he learned magic. And three, it helps define why he has such a massive magic reserve.
Twilight’s eyes lit up at bits of that. “He could Rage Shift before learning magic? How is that even possible? I’ve never heard of anything like that ever happening in a non-magic user before!”
“Destined to come to Equestria, though...that one bothers me a bit because while Ah admit destiny does play a hand in things, Ah don’t like to think that our choices aren’t out of our control.” Ryan crossed his arms and thought for a bit. “But that last bit...it certainly isn’t something Ah can argue after Dark and Ah tangoed with you two. It certainly gave us a run for our money.”
It’s something to think on, that’s for sure. And, I have no idea how the kid has been able to rage shift for all these years. It was long before I came into the picture, I can guaran-damn-tee ya that. Hell, the first time he rage shifted in Equestria was still a couple weeks before I was created. That was the time he had to stop a bunch of thugs from murdering Twilight and Nyx in a back alley. They got off lucky, if ya ask me.
‘Sounds as if you’ve had yer share of dealing with stupid prejudice, Mallie. It’s kinda funny, though...something that you mentioned and Ryan didn’t really think about.’
And that would be?
‘Heh, simply that if everything was true and DJ was destined to come to Equestria, then he and Ryan share that in common. I mean, after all, Ryan’s ancestors were from Equestria before Cordy sort of just whisked all the humans away to his Earth when he lost his shit way back when.’
Huh, well ain’t that somethin’? So Discord banished humans from this world? What made him do that?
Ryan grimaced at that one before finally speaking up. “...it was because of what happened to somepony he loved.”
Discord can love? I mean, where we come from he obviously cares for Flutters, but we’ve never seen anything beyond friendship from him for anyone.
‘Yes, he can.’ Dark took a deep breath and sighed. ‘The memories from back then have been quite muddy lately, but ever since that trip to Tartarus it’s been clearing up. Long ago, when we all knew each other and we’re close friends, there was an Earth pony that lived in Canterlot. She was a brilliant inventor and for some reason, something just clicked between the two of them. I actually remember him telling me he was gonna pop the question...ya know, before things went south very fast.’
Oh. Yeah, I don’t need to hear anymore than that. Even I have limits when it comes to pain and suffering.
‘Nice to know, Mallie.’
“Eeeyup. But yeah. That’s what drove him crazy, had him go on his rampage that Ah no doubt know he must have done similarly in your Equestria, and then in a fit of rage mixed with what was left of his real self, got rid of humanity from here as well as...well...kill Dark.”
...Dark was killed… by Discord. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard in my entire life! HA! Ya got squashed by a grab bag of creatures! HA!
‘Well, more like mah body was ripped away from my soul leaving me in a terrible flux for who knows how long in all honesty. But Mallie...it’s become quite clear to me that our Discord is very different from yours. So laugh if you must, my friend, but it was no easy task...especially when having to fight a friend.’
Alright, I get it, he’s not the happy go lucky dude he is where we come from. Though, now that I think of it, hmm. Malice lowered his voice in an attempt not to be heard, but the girls and Ryan were still close enough to hear him talk to himself. Does it have any correlation to the mirror? Could that be another divergence here? Hmm, should we tell them about it? It could be a way home for Ryan… I need to speak with the kid on this when he wakes up.
‘...Mallie, they do say talking to oneself is a sign of insanity.’ Dark put an arm around him and smirked before lowering his voice so only he and Malice could hear it. ‘However...if you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about. Well...let’s just say that’s not the droid you’re looking for. So I wouldn’t say anything, Ryan doesn’t need to be hurt by more false hope.’
It’s not gonna prevent what’s coming, Dark. He’ll be finding out soon enough.
‘Perhaps so...but let him enjoy a bit of ignorance for now. He handles stuff like that better when he hasn’t the time to dwell on the possibilities and over think things.’
Ryan rolled his eyes at the odd silence after Malice’s mumbling. “...what in tarnation are you two doing up there? Keeping secrets from us?”
Important soul-to-soul talk. Nothing you need to worry about, hayseed. Just keep being ignorant, it’s safer for the timeline.
Ryan turned to his herd at that, eyebrow raised in confusion. Twilight shrugged in response before shaking her head. “Malice is probably right on this one. After all, what things have slipped have probably already altered our future to some degree. Best we not tempt fate and make a mess of things more than they might be.”
“If you say so, T-Sparks.”
“If we’re done being all vague and stuff, I actually have a question since I’m kinda curious: Malice? What do you look like normally? Do you look like a greyed out DJ? Are you still human in whatever state you and Dark have is called? Or are you a pony?” Lyra gave a shrug. “I’m kinda curious because the fact that DJ was human and then became pony is something unheard of here...even in the books from the past, there’s not really mention of anything like that happening.”
Unfortunately, no I’m not a human up here in the mental scape. My form reflects the kid’s. When he’s a pony, I’m a pony. When he’s a human, I’m a human. Get’s really weird when he uses the other aliens, though. Malice shuddered. Anyway, basically yes, my coat is grey and my, ugh, cutie mark is the kid’s but with reverse coloration. I’ve got slick black hair and my jacket is also a deep black. Another thing is that I don’t have eye color as I am in a constant rage shift. And to be fair, we didn’t get a choice of form when Death reincarnated us, could’ve ended up as a parasprite for all we knew.
‘...ya know, Mallie. Thinking on it, you and I do look very similar in some aspects. In fact, if I went pone form we’d nearly be brothers save for, ya know, you being an alicorn and all that.’
Lyra hummed a bit, doodling on a notebook. “Let’s see here...like DJ...grey coat...reverse mark...jacket...rage shift….Ah-ha!”
“...Heartsy, what are ya doin’?”
“Drawing our other new friend!” Lyra flipped the book around to show a somewhat hastily sketched, but no less good-looking rendition of Malice. “It helps me visualize him when he talks, like what I do with Dark. That way I can get a feel as if he was standing there like you and me. Now that I’ve got a better idea of his real looks, I can see him better.”
...Not bad. Pretty damn close. It’s missing my chaotic flare, but you can only put so much on paper.
“Are you letting your ego run wild… again?” mumbled the blue alicorn Malice spoke from.
Hey! Look who lived to see another meal!
“Shut up, ya chaotic prick. What’d I miss?” DJ asked as he sat back up, wiping a few bits of lunch from his muzzle.
“Damn, two hours already? Heh, time flies when yer connecting with Malice like that.”
‘Nothing too important, DJ. Just some bonding time with Mallie-kun. That’s all.’ Dark laughed softly, ‘Right, pal o’ mine?’
I have no idea what he’s talking about.
‘Haha, that’s so Mallie!’ Dark laughed again before patting his back. ‘But yeah..nothing too important. Was it worth eating all the food, DJ?’
“Eeyup! Ah, you guys sure know how to cook! Mm mm!” DJ said while licking his lips. “So… what did you guys eat?”
Everyone there besides him blinked in turn before all hearing a loud, rumbling noise erupt that echoed off the walls and became slightly deafening for a moment.
“Well...nothing, since ya kinda ate all the food. We, uh, got a little distracted.”
“Yes! With a lesson!” Twilight quickly nodded before frowning as her stomach grumbled again. “...but now that we’re done, it’s quite obvious how hungry we still are.”
Rainbow Dash grumbled before pounding her hooves together. “And it’s all DJ’s fault!”
DJ rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Heh, sorry guys. When my stomach’s empty, I kinda lose it. Hey! How about I make you all something to make up for it? I know a few old recipes that could work. Anyone like lasagna?”
“Did somebody say food?!” Pinkie hopped on DJ’s back and grinned. “I wonder if you can cook as well as our human can? I mean, you should be able to, being a former human and all...but how about you whip up some lasagna and show us what you’ve got!”
“Heh, while I may not be as good as you are Pinks, I can cook pretty well.”
Save for that one time you burned down the kitchen.
“Malice! ...The food was still delicious! Don’t mind him, he’s wacko!”
That’s rich coming from you!
“...shut up!”
“Well, well...look at that, Dark!”
‘I know! Who knew we’d get dinner...and a show!’
Both Malice and DJ glared at the human, though only Dark could see Malice’s.
“Do we look like a comedy act to you?”
“Well, if one sees two jesters…waka-waka.”
“Ryan… yer such a brat.” DJ sighed and made his way to the kitchen. “Just shut up and I’ll have dinner ready in about thirty minutes.”
“Just don’t set the kitchen on fire...we don’t need to rebuild our house again.”
“Have a little faith!” DJ huffed. For the next thirty minutes, the girls and Ryan conversed between themselves, their new friends being a constant topic. They quieted down when DJ emerged from the kitchen. “Can’t believe I still remember this old recipe, but here ya go! Five cheese, vegetarian lasagna! And I even had enough left over to make a cheesecake!” He put the dishes down and sat back. “Dig in everypony!”
Ryan threw his hand in the air, finger pointed in triumph. “FOOD!”
Predictably, DJ—and by extension, Malice—were bowled over as the group of ponies and human finally sought to satiate their snarling stomachs. “Wow, good thing I made extras after all. Good call Malice.”
Those stomachs were calling to me, DJ! They threatened to eat us, I just know it!
‘Naw, we wouldn’t eat ya, Mallie-kun. That’s just silly...besides, we don’t know where you’ve been, so you could be highly unsanitary even if cooked at 400 degrees.’
Dark… I hate you. Good lord, how much I hate you. Kid? Are you sure we can’t go on a destructive killing spree? Come on! Just for once?
“Malice we’ve been over this. The only time that is going to happen is if we find a world of evil duplicates. That is the only exception! So, no, we can’t kill Dark.”
Damn it! One of these days, shade-boy! One of these days!
‘...wow, Mallie. To say all that...’ Dark grinned widely. ‘You must really treasure our friendship! So much love! Haha! Come here and give me a hug you goober!’
NO! There was the sound of locking doors and closing shutters. Bar’s closed! Get lost! Ocupado!
Dark shrugged before sticking out his tongue. ‘Oh well, so much for breakthroughs.’
After eating their fill and finally calming their stomachs, night had finally fallen and with it time to rest and prepare for the new day to come…but not without Dark harassing—I mean, being the bestest friend ever to Malice.
‘Look, just hear me out here…what if, for once, you just put aside all that loving hate you have for me, and do something fun for a change.’ Dark saw Malice’s eyes gleam and he so rolled his. ‘No, Mallie, not wanton murder and mayhem.’
Figures. Never get to do nothin’! Alright, just this once, I’ll hear you out, but if it’s stupid, I’m smacking you upside the head.
‘Good, good. Fair enough. Now then...we’re both really strong, right?’
Yes…
‘And we both have the mind of a thinker with battle right? Strategy and techniques and such, yes?’
Of course. It’s all I know besides chaos. Get to the point, I’m starting to get bored.
‘Such a spoilsport. I swear, no sense for build-up.’ Dark huffed. ‘So, seeing as you and I both know that this little shindig is no doubt going to heat up...why don’t we come up with some kinda combo techniques? So, ya know, when the shit hits the fan we can team up, strike a pose, and look awesome...not necessarily in that order, but yeah.’
Malice eyed Dark for a moment and then got in close to him. Dark smiled at this, thinking that he’d won over the demon… only for it to be shattered by a hoof to the head. I ain’t doin’ no Ginyu shit with you, ya damn senile old-man! I don’t pose for nothin’! Combo powers, however… well ya had my curiosity, Darkness, but now you have my attention.
Dark blinked, rubbing his forehead. ‘Ow...man, why ya gotta be so rough. Don’t ya know you get further with more gentle signs of affection?’ He dodged a thrown lamp before smirking. ‘Oh fine. No posing, ya boring borestein. At least you’re up for combo time. Now, admittedly, our fight didn’t really showcase much in terms of techniques from you and DJ...but I can’t imagine you don’t have any, Malice. Even the dumbest characters in history have some kinda technique, so I doubt you’d let yerself get out-classed by them like that. So, answer me this and we can get started: why didn’t you use any other than Rage Shift and yer Force powers when you guys fought us?’
Because that wasn’t the plan. My job was to simply piss you off to the point of breaking, then let the kid switch back in. I can’t harness the Elements like he can, so he’s the stronger of the two of us. The whole point of the fight was for DJ to push past his limit and see how much stronger we could become.
‘...So basically, what yer saying is that you knew we were stronger and so wanted DJ to get better by fighting us full-out. That’s positively devious on yer part, Mallie.’ Dark grinned in a way that, were he not the chaotic guy he was, would probably disturb Malice. ‘Still, from what we gathered when we popped in on you two later the following day, it would seem DJ felt your repertoire was somehow...lacking.’
We focused too much on relying on the powers alone. But then again, there has been no point into really expanding on these powers. I’m surprised that you haven’t picked up on that.
‘Probably because even when there doesn’t seem to be a point in improving something, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try anyway. Look at Ryan...even though there was no real sign saying Cordy was gonna come back and try something, or even that Chrissy was a threat, he still kept improving himself when he could just so he’d be ready. Still...I imagine part of what you say is just DJ striking me as very impulsive and not one to really contemplate that far ahead.’
You’d be surprised how wrong that statement is if you saw what really went on in his head. But that’s not what I meant. Dark, unlike you and Ryan, DJ’s not trying to prepare for the next greatest threat to Equestria. What he’s preparing for is his children’s future, his future with Twilight and what their lives are going to bring them next. Haven’t you been listening to him? He’s always saying that he is no hero. What he means by that is that he doesn’t want to be a hero. He didn’t go to Equestria to fight monsters and save the day. No, he went there to live. To live a life free of the turmoils of Earth. This kind of power, is very low on his priorities.
Dark was silent as he took that in, before smiling. ‘DJ and Ryan really are too damn similar...I fear you misread what I meant about Ryan always trying to improve. While the by-product is the protection of his new home, he doesn’t do so to be a hero. Sure, he’ll play the part, but mostly because he’s got a good heart that wants to protect. He does the same thing I did, to make sure that no matter what, those we care about are safe. As I did for Tia, Woona, and Cordy….so he does the same for his herd, his family. While he didn’t choose to come here like DJ, he’s become happy here and, to share something with you, he wants to do as DJ did and make things official with AJ and the others. To make a future here...but to do that, he needs to make sure that no matter what might come, he’s strong enough to face it. So, in a way, both DJ and Ryan have the same reason for how they are...they just see different ways to reach that goal.’
Heh, yeah. Ryan sees continuing to be the hero as the means to that end, while the kid would just rather hang up the cape and call it a day. Le sigh, it’s hard being chaotic around one so harmonic. Then again, I’m actually starting to prefer his way.
This got Dark to raise an eyebrow. ‘Really? That’s interesting. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy to just kick back and let everything else be.’
Malice smirked at that. Believe or not, Dark, I’ve actually mellowed out over these past few years. I used to be all chaos and destruction, no matter what. Now… now I don’t really know what I want out of life. But, hey, I’m an alicorn. I got an eternity to find out, not like there’s anything keeping that from happening, right? Malice said with a chuckle, bumping Darkness a little. Dark, however, looked a little nervous at his friend’s words, trying very hard to keep from telling him the truth about the legend.
‘Haha, right, Mallie. That you do, you horny, winged horse you.’ Dark snickered before clapping his hands. ‘Now then...with that out of the way, let’s work on that combining bit. And...seeing as we’re kinda in the flux-dream state with our hosts sleeping right now, we can make any battlefield we want...but I can imagine the kind of targets that would make you the most happy.’
Modern day L.A. featuring the world’s most annoying and worthless celebrities?
Dark blinked before smirking. ‘Well, actually, I was going to say an open field with nowhere to hide full of clones of myself….but I mean, if you really want the other option...’
Malice looked torn. Hmm, killing Darkness or killing Bieber? Bieber or Darkness? Darkness or Bieber? Ugh, why must I always be stuck with the difficult decisions? I choose… ah, what the heck I can dream of it later, let’s go kill some Shades!
Dark grinned before pulling Malice into a hug. ‘What did I say? Can I read this guy or what? Hahahaha...now then...let’s go kill myself and watch myself wet myself in terror as I rampage with the epitome of chaos and combine moves like a boss!’
Yes! And just for the fun of it, let’s keep the reader guessing on what we come up with! Up for a screen transition of awesomeness, Darkness old-boy?
‘Huzzah! It’s worth seeing myself scream in terror to have you call me by name for once! Now then!’ Dark flared up his aura before producing a field of nervous, confused clones of himself. ‘Heaven or Hell! Let’s ROCK!’
Die bitches! DIE!!
The next morning, Ryan groaned as he awoke. Rolling to his side, he ended up clear off the bed and yelping as he hit the hard floor. “Ugh...what does it feel like I was on the receiving end of one of Dark’s True Darkness Erasers?”
“Apple Ryder, whatcha doin’ on the floor?”
Ryan turned to see AppleJack’s head hanging over the edge of the bed, smirking at him as he lay on his back.
“Oh, you know...just saying good morning to mah other waifu. I’m sure you know her well: her name is the freakin’ ground.” Ryan sighed, “...I get the weirdest feeling Dark was doing something last night and Ah’m paying a bit of a price for it.”
“Hey guys!” they heard DJ yelling from his room. “Can I, uh, can I get a little help in here?” Ryan and Apps looked to each other and shrugged before getting up and going to the stallion’s room. When they opened the door, however… “What in tarnation?! DJ, how’d ya get up there?”
DJ, somehow, was frozen to the ceiling of his room. “That’s kinda what I’m wondering. Just get me down!”
“Ugh...what’s all that racket?” Twilight mumbled as she walked into the room. “I was having this great dream about Ryan and a book and...why is DJ frozen to our ceiling?”
“We aren’t quite sure...but he’s seems a bit chilly this morning.”
AppleJack snickered a bit. “It seems like he’s givin’ us the cold shoulder.”
“If you don’t stop those puns right now and get me down, you ain’t gonna like what Imma gonna do!”
Ryan snickered before flipping around and standing on the ceiling. “Okay, okay...just chill. Oh wait! Yer already doing that! Hahahaha.” Despite the glare he was getting from DJ, Ryan hit the ice and cracked it. “...might wanna watch yer fall there, partner.”
“I’m good,” DJ said floating for a minute before righting himself. Then he used his wings to float back down to the ground. “And I thought I said no more puns! Just for that, I’m not helping you fix the car today. And just so you know, the magical influx has ruptured so now it’s in worse state than it was.”
“So basically, you broke it even harder than Ah thought.”
“Hey, I ain’t the one who kicked the thing just because it was beeping.”
AppleJack’s cheeks flushed before she puffed out her cheeks. “It ain’t mah fault! How was Ah supposed to know it wasn’t some pony-eating thing from beyond?! Hmph!”
Ryan snickered before landing back on the ground. “Easy there, Apps. Ain’t no harm done. It ran once, it can run again.”
AppleJack grumbled until she felt Ryan’s fingers scratching her ears. “...tarnation. Ah just can’t stay all huffy when ya use them digits of yers on me.”
“That’s the point. Haha.”
DJ was giving them a weird look. “Wow, that’s weird to see a pony who looks like my sister like this.” He shook his head. “No offense guys, but the sooner I’m back in my world the better. I think more screws are breaking loose every minute longer I stay.”
Having finally awoken from all the noise, Rainbow Dash walked in holding something in her teeth. Seeing the others, she spit it out on the ground before frowning. “Do you guys know where these screws keep coming from? I stepped on this thing in the bathroom...and then found another one next to the bed. You aren’t missing parts from one of your inventions, are you Ryers?”
“So that’s where those went!” DJ then took in a big puff of air and the screws were sucked up into his mouth. “Mmm, good screws. Lots of iron!” He looked back at the stunned group and innocently asked, “What?”
“...I know they say iron is good for the diet, but I don’t remember any books saying to get it that way.”
“Like I’m always saying, I’m nuts! Ha ha!”
“Clearly, there is a point where we should’ve stopped.” Ryan smirked before making the most terrifyingly excited face. “But just for shits and giggles, let’s keep going and see where we end up!”
“Why do I get the feeling that by the end of this, the fourth wall here is going to be non-existent?”
Who can really say, DJ Sparkle? Just sit down, shut up, and enjoy the ride.
“Did anyone else just feel a chill go down their spine just now? Like something was looking down on you?”
“You know...come to mention it.” Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “There was something oddly like that back when we fought Trixie and...something involving pink happened.”
“Like I told Ryan before, this would never happen back home. Our universe would’ve collapsed by now if this kinda shit usually happened.”
Ryan smiled before striking a pose. “What can Ah say, baby? We’re just too cool for that ta happen!”
“More like ‘fool’,” DJ quipped causing Ryan to stumble. “Anyways, let’s get something quick to eat. It’s about time me and Twilight get to work on getting me home.”
“Actually, I think someone was cooking downstairs.” Rainbow sniffed the air. “Yeah...someone’s cooking. Either that or DJ set the house on fire in his sleep. Hopefully the former.”
“HEY! ….That only happened once.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Well...perhaps we should investigate this mysterious cooking.”
With that he headed downstairs, followed by everyone else that was awake at this point to see...Discord and Fluttershy making pancakes that were floating on to the plates themselves.
“Oh good! They’ve finally awoken! Tantalized, no doubt, by my magnificent cooking!”
“...should...should we ask what kinda pancakes those are?”
DJ leaned in and sniffed them a little. “Hmm… do I detect a hint of wildberries, dabbed in honey, and small pinch of chaos on the side?”
Who gives a damn what’s in it? Let’s eat!
‘Oh, hey! Mallie’s up now! But I second his statement! I’m starving!!’
Ryan turned to DJ and twitched his nose at a thought. “Doesn’t it strike you odd that the both of them just now spoke up, are extremely hungry, and both you and Ah found ourselves feeling out-of-sorts when we woke up? Almost as if they were up to something last night…”
DJ shrugged. “I dunno, Malice does weird things when I’m sleeping. They always find a way to slip into my dreams, though. For some reason, I dreamed of… wait it’s gone now. Really need to work better on remembering dreams or I’ll never get the hang of that dream-walking spell.”
“Hmmm...and all I can remember is an open field...screaming...and two maniacally laughing voices overhead.” Ryan scratched his cheek. “...ominous. Oh well…”
“Yes yes, dear boys! Best hurry while they’re still hot! Chaos doesn’t taste as good cold, after all!”
Listen to the man...creature...thing.
DJ rolled his eyes. “Yes, Malice. I getting the food, I’m getting it!” After a few moments, they were all seated at the table, Discord included, and began to eat their chaos infused pancakes. DJ was the first to take a bite. He smiled after a moment. “Wow! Tastes like blue-raspberry! Delish!”
“Hmm...weird.” AJ smacked her lips. “Mine tastes like cinnamon apples.”
“Mine tastes like Apple Pie.” Ryan commented...before shoving a whole pancake in his mouth.
“Mine taste like candy!” Pinkie giggled...before pouring a ton of syrup on it despite everypony’s stares. “What? You can never have enough sweet!”
Huh… even though the kid is tasting berries, I’m getting the taste of salisbury steak. Weird, but I ain’t complaining.
‘Cordy’s cooking is a bit wild, isn’t it? Apparently it’s the chaos...because all I can taste is delicious, delicious pork.’ Dark laughed. ‘As always, Cordy, you outdo yourself.’
“Oh please, Darkness...you’ll make me blush with such comments. What are neighbors for? Besides, I suppose it is nice to adjust to a more...normal routine after all that mess of the last thousand years. So messy...and not even in a good way!”
“Yeah, Malice filled me in on your whole rage-quit on humanity,” DJ said through his bites. “That’s certainly a new take on it. Discord back home just wanted to have fun. He’s like Pinkie but with the powers of a god. Still, don’t ya think banishing an entire race was going just a little overboard?”
Discord sat down his plate and just stared at it. “Even being who I was, I wasn’t in my right mind. Before the incident, I wager I was exactly like your Discord. Maybe a bit different, as I do recall my parents...and settled down with Tia and Lulu along with Dark when I noted how entertaining they were. But...losing Gauge like that...I fear that is what changed me the most. When it seemed as if humans were responsible for her death, a part of me died and wasn’t sure how to handle it. That’s why I fled after arguing with Darkness, hoping to reason with myself and protect them from what I may do. Heh...fat lot of good I did with that, seeing as I still came back and did some pretty terrible things.”
DJ nodded sagely. “I feel ya, dude. If anything were to happen to Twilight, well, I don’t there’s a force on my planet strong enough to keep me from getting my revenge.”
“After that little display by you two yesterday, I wouldn’t doubt it.” Discord laughed softly. “I suppose, as I told the boy, I should be glad that a part of me still managed to maintain what I call sanity and just banish humanity from here instead of what my madness had planned. I’m just glad I can have this chance to move on, I suppose. After all, I’m surprised to have one after causing trouble twice for the Elements, nearly killing Ryan and Spike, and then planning a double-cross in Hell till the boy’s kindness sparked something in me.”
“Ah, there’s the key word! Kindness, I knew it was involved in your reformation somehow!”
“Oh yeah, you said something about the other me and your Discord.” Fluttershy nodded, “I imagine my other self filled the role in redeeming your Discord, if what I’m thinking is right.”
“Eeyup. She was the first to become Discord’s friend, and when his antics threatened that friendship, he fixed everything he chaosed so he wouldn’t lose Fluttershy. Sure things have been a little difficult between them, what with the wedding and all, but they still have their weekly tea time. Angel hates the hell out of it, but it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it sometimes.”
“Oh yes...Angel.”
“Quite right, boy. That rabbit is something else, isn’t he?”
Fluttershy pouted. “Oh, now you don’t have to say things like that. I know he can be very temperamental sometimes, and I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it…”
Ryan and Discord both stared at Fluttershy and gave her a look.
“Eep...well...yes...yes, he can be a bit...bothersome. I know how finicky he can be and demanding…”
“Flutters, Ah love ya...and that’s why Ah tolerate Angel...but honestly? He’s a pushy little shit that’s lucky he hasn’t annoyed the wrong person.”
Fluttershy frowned and stared hard at Ryan. “Now, there’s no need to say that.”
Ryan stared back...though it seemed a bit more strained. “Hey, don’t get me wrong. You care about him...Ah care about you...so by transitive properties Ah do sorta care about him. Besides, that should be in the past anyway. He’s actually been much more well-behaved lately.”
Fluttershy nodded sharply. “Very well, Ry. And yes...it is true his behavior has improved. I’m not sure why, honestly. Maybe he just wishes to turn over a new leaf?”
Dark leaned in to Malice and snickered before speaking just loud enough so only the two of them could hear. ‘Or maybe it’s because I told him that if he tried anything stupid again, there wouldn’t be a rabbit hole deep enough to hide from me.’
Malice raised an eyebrow, but DJ beat him to the punch. “Wow, you guys are really bagging on that bunny. I don’t see what the big deal is, he likes me. Back home at least. The only problem we’ve had was when he got the idea he could boss Speedy around. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen on my watch.”
“Oh...you don’t know the things that rabbit has tried to pull around here. Ever since our herd took shape, he’s been extra annoying to us. Ah don’t get it either...Ah’m like great with animals! But Angel…” Ryan shrugged...before something from earlier popped into his mind. “Wait...did you say something about a wedding?”
“Oh my...he did. And...from the context.” Fluttershy blushed before lowering her eyes. “A wedding involving me? I-I mean, the other me?”
“Yeah, Flutters is about to become my sister-in-law in a few months time. Big Mac and her have been together for a few years now and it was only a matter of time before he popped the question. Big lug took forever fearing she would say no. Obviously that didn’t happen and there’s gonna be the second wedding of the year in a only a few months. I even got asked to be Best Man.”
Ryan snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, ya mentioned that when ya had that little panic attack moment the other day.”
“M-me and Big Macintosh?” Fluttershy blinked before scrunching her face. “Hmmm...I suppose I could see that happening. This whole other realities thing really makes my head hurt.”
“How do you think I feel? I’m already messed up and this is just making things even nuttier upstairs,” DJ says while tapping his noggin. “Oh and that’s off limits, Twilight! Don’t even bother asking to scan my brain, I ain’t ever had a mental exam and that’s how things are gonna stay.”
Twilight was caught off-guard but tried to play it off. “I...I wasn’t going to ask that! Besides….” She mumbled a bit. “My machine is broken after I tried to scan my peach’s brain again...I love him, but his mind obviously is not kind to my equipment.”
If you think Ryan’s nuts, then DJ is Freud’s worst nightmare. Honestly, you should see some of the messed up shit that rolls around up he- Malice went quiet for a moment before Dark spoke up.
‘Did I just see what I think I saw?’
If you mean the Fantastic Four doing water aerobics to Cher, then yup. That just happened.
‘Hmm...seems legit. No worse than a lot of memories Ryan had from Earth. I’m not sure what kinda job he had exactly, but when you start a running joke shipping your supervisor with a cardboard box….I think you’ve gone off an end that you shouldn’t have.’
Trust me, you’ve only just scratched the surface in here. The deeper ya go, the more fucked up it gets. Malice shuddered. Some of the things this kid comes up with should not be created in any reality. Yeesh!
“Heh heh. That’s me! I’m just a big ol’ bowl of crazy!”
Discord grinned widely before laughing. “My my, but you two are nearly as entertaining as the boy and Darkness. It comes as no surprise that of all the places you could’ve randomly popped to, the Omniverse decided you should come here. It’s as if some higher powers than even myself and our dear Princesses were like “We should totally put these two guys together! What could possibly go wrong?!” and thus such wonderful chaos and madness was born.” He sniffed. “Almost brings a tear to my eye that I can bear witness to such joy.”
Malice deadpanned. Ya know, I’ve always wondered what smoked draconequus tasted like. And I’m looking at quite the game to find out.
“Now, now Malice, Discord’s not on the menu. Well, yet, let’s see how the day progresses. If he gets in the way of research, I’ll gladly get the fire going for you. Nothing is gonna get between me and getting home to my family.”
So I’m a guard dog now? Eh, Rottweilers are cool enough. So watch it chaos hack, I’ve got my eyes on you.
Discord snickered. “Oh dear, a hack am I? My my, such a yappy dog you’ve got, DJ. Haha. But I have no intention of hindering your return trip. After all, would that be something a friend does? I might be rusty at it, but even I know the answer to that question.”
“Just a warning, Discord. This goes to everyone else as well, I need to get back home. It’s been fun and all, but I’m needed back there so from now on, my main focus is helping Twilight get that spell up and running.”
“Yeah, we’re all pretty aware of that fact, partner. Don't know why ya think we wouldn’t help out with that...well, to whatever degree we can. Even if that means not interrupting the ‘Think Tank’, we won’t stop till ya get home.” Ryan smiled. “Besides, Ah did say we would, right? And Ah’m not one ta lie.”
“Well, if we are all done eating, ready to get to work, Miss Sparkle?”
Twilight nodded before grinning. “Indeed. As our human would say “Let’s make some Science!”
“To the science, then!” The two eggheads got up and headed out for the treebrary, a lot of books and studying in their future.
Five Days Later…
“Man, those two have been knocking the books around all week. Other than meals and sleep, Ah haven’t seen much of either of them. Granted, they are trying to work out interdimensional travel so Ah didn’t think it’d be easy.”
Spike shrugged before munching his ruby. “Oh, I imagine Twilight’s just having a blast trying to learn all this new stuff. You know how she can get.”
“Yeah...they always look so tired too when they get home at night. Ah wish Ah got that super science stuff a bit more so Ah could lend a hand, but Ah’m better at breaking physics than trying to explain them.”
“It’s not interdimensional travel, Ryan old buddy,” DJ said as he trotted by going to the fridge. There was a rustling sound and he came back with a few sandwiches. “Need brain food. It’s interuniversal travel, much more complicated. If you’ll excuse me, Twilights are not happy when hungry and frustrated.”
Ryan snickered. “Oh yeah...frustrated T-Sparks is something. Heh, you should’ve seen her during our little hide ‘n seek event in the Canterlot hedge maze last Hearth’s Warming. Oh heavens…”
‘Yes...she was quite frustrated. In more ways than one~’
DJ froze at the entrance. “If I am interpreting that correctly… well, that’s your one warning boys. I hear something like that again, Colgate will have felt like a vacation when I’m done with you.” He walked out without another word.
‘Sheesh...’
“Yeah, he’s a bit touchy about them Twilight comments, Dark. So Ah’d lay off them.”
‘Right.’
Ryan blinked before smacking his head. “Dammit, Dark. Because of yer innuendo Ah didn’t get a chance ta ask him what progress they’ve made. Sigh…”
‘Sorry, but you know when I see an opening I take it.’
“If ya really want to know,” DJ said, popping his head in the entryway again, “Come on, then. We never said ya couldn’t sit in on the research, just to be quiet.”
‘Huh.’
“Sounds good ta me.” Ryan shrugged before following DJ to the Treebrary where they’d been working hard for quite some time. Upon entering, Ryan had to double-take at all the chalkboards everywhere and notes posted all over the place. “Great Scott...this is a lot of science.”
“Pardon if it’s not to scale,” DJ said with a smile before moving over to another chalk board. In the middle of the room stood a small model of what appeared to be something right out of Stargate. “We’re testing the portal spell via this model. Hopefully, when it’s complete we won’t require the focuser. All set, Professor Sparkle?” he asked as he pulled on a pair of tinted goggles.
“Indeed! Let the test begin!” Twilight handed Ryan a pair of goggles. “Here dear, you might need these lest you go blind.”
“Oh, uhm, okay. Thanks.” Ryan noted, snapping them on before staring at the portal model and waiting to see what happened. Twilight activated the spell and soon the little gate began to have a swirling portal spinning inside of it. Everyone present was smiling at the result only for Twilight to frown as the vortex began spinning faster.
“Ponyfeathers,” she cursed.
DJ picked up on this and used his hooves to slowly push Twilight and Ryan to the ground, his arm stretching abnormally long to reach Ryan’s shoulder. Once hunkered down, they watched as the portal began to shake and convulse. The spinning got faster and faster and the gate just couldn’t hold up. Pieces began to break off and fly into the portal, the entire thing crumbling away after a few moments. Less than a second later, it collapsed, sending out a magical shockwave that blew away everything near it. DJ, Twilight, and Ryan would have been included if they had still been standing.
DJ got up and stared at where the portal was. “Whelp, that didn’t work. Damn, I thought we had it this time.”
“...it’s not setting a bunch of old rags on fire, but as far as fails go that one blew the competition away.” Ryan snickered at his terrible joke.
Twilight rolled her eyes but couldn’t help crack a smile. “You and your puns...but yeah. Once again we’re missing something crucial that keeps it stable. Maybe the Flux-inverse Couplers aren’t harmonizing correctly?”
“Ugh, if only I could remember the exact rune pattern that sent me here. If we had that, it only be a matter of breaking down the spell and reworking in reverse. This is a lot harder starting from scratch with something that wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place.”
“...Ah’d joke about just looking at the script, but Ah think that’d ruin a lot of the fun to come.” Ryan chuckled as he stood up and dusted himself of. “Man, when things fail around you, they fail spectacularly. That was a thing of beauty, man. But hey, you two will figure it out; of that, Ah have no doubt.”
“I hope so too, dear, but with DJ’s limited knowledge on this subject, we’re pretty much in the dark here.”
“Hey, give me a break. I’ve only been doing this for around two years, you’ve been doing this almost your whole life.”
“Two years?! And you already understand this much of magical theory?!”
“Well, yeah. Twilight always said that magic came easily to me. But this! This is out my range. Maybe if we were dealing with a shorter range, but this is something completely different. I wasn’t even sure this kind of thing was possible.”
Ryan looked confused for minute. “But this sorta thing happens all the time in movies and comics. What’s so hard to believe about this?”
“Those kinds of things are universal travels. This is something much larger. I’ve been thinking this for a while, but I am not in a different universe. I’m in an entirely different multiverse!”
“So, wait...this plays into the whole Omniverse thing, right? So not only are there alternate realities to our own universe, but there are entire collections of said multiverses residing in alternate planes of existence to other multiversal collections that sort of create this huge chain of collective universes. Then again, that’s about what Ah make of what ya said.” Ryan shrugged. “Ah’m not as well-versed in the high-kinds of science this invokes in the actual nitty-gritty data sense, but Ah’m pretty smart when it comes to the concepts and the more vague aspects. Ah suppose that’s why a tunnel is probably yer best bet, hence the model. Ya gotta pass through multiple multiverses ta hit the right one, but it’s finding the universe’s, uhm…”key signature” as it were so ya get the right off-ramp.”
DJ blinked. “That’s… actually fairly close, Ryan. Well done. Not even Twilight understood that notion on the first try. Think of the Omniverse like a tower. It goes up and down eternally; no end either way. Each level of that tower is a multiverse, consisting of an infinite number of universes that constantly expand outward. Everyone knows the differences between universes, but most do not know the key differences between the multiverses. Those keys are you,” he said indicating Ryan, “and me”, this time pointing to himself.
‘So, if I’m reading what you and Ryan just stated correctly, there’s our layer in which we exist and, in all the other parallel universes, exist some form of either him or myself as well but with some subtle difference. It could be as simple as Ryan and I are brothers from an Earth not related to Equestria or perhaps one where I didn’t die against Cordy and, for some reason, chose to side with Woona when she went all Nightmare Moon.’
“...that’d be a pretty messed up reality, partner.” Ryan shook his head. “Ah don’t wanna think of one like that. But yer right, Dark. For our layer, we’re the difference. The one above us could have some other human or maybe not even human! It could be a deity or a god or even some unholy creature from another plane of being. Of course, there is going to be one true reality, one that Ah imagine is what that show version of events is based on. This Equestria was already split off even before Ah showed up, and Ah imagine yers split the moment you showed up, Deej. But the main point is Ah make this multiverse unique, as DJ does to his and…!”
Ryan’s eyes lit up as something clicked from his deductions. “Great Scott...could it be that easy? Assuming mah basic understanding is right…”
“That’s not entirely correct, but close. See, I have deduced a theory on the creation of new multiverses. It’s so simple, yet it explains everything! I theorize that every time a being travels between the worlds, a new multiverse is created. How? Well, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which is how new universes are made. But how can a parallel be created between universes? The answer: a parallel multiverse! Which means that out there, somewhere in the Omniverse, there is a multiverse where I didn’t leave for Equestria and there’s one where Ryan is still on Earth as well and one where Dark lived his life in Equestria. Fascinating, isn’t it? It only gets more complicated, though, for those that consistently travel between worlds. Now, what could be that easy? Ya lost me.”
“Ah see...so it goes one layer deeper than what Dark said. Again, it all comes back to onions.” Ryan laughed softly before cleaning his throat. “Anyway, what hit me earlier was...you can’t figure out the right runes or whatever for your multiverse’s “key” right? Well, what if we tried using something else that’s unique to your world? Like, say, yer magic or more specifically the signature it gives off. As yer well aware, the magic of a user feels different depending on who it is. Ah’ve yet to meet someone with the same aura as another when it comes to that, so what if ya tried to concoct a spell that seeked out that multiverse and then seeked out the universe in that one where yer signature isn’t? That is unless it’s a bit too deep for something that simple to work.”
“That would work, if only for one problem. We have no idea how far away my multiverse is. Again, Ryan, we are talking distances that are beyond numbers. These multiverse go on for eternity, they don’t technically have an end. That’s where we keeping getting stuck.”
“As Ah figured...so it is too deep, so ta speak. Shit...it’s too bad there’s no way to examine the residual, uhm, “particles” of your Twilight’s spell that sent you here. If we could do that, then maybe we could find some way to follow the “trail” it left as it sent you hurtling here back to the correct multiverse. Like breadcrumbs, only magic. Again, though, Ah imagine there’s some hitch in that line of thinking too, huh?”
“Yep, as that would mean finding the exact point I landed in back in Canterlot. Plus it’s been over a week since I arrived and any residual magic that normally would have been left over has probably been cleaned up by the castle staff.” DJ sighed, putting hoof to his head as he felt another frustrating headache coming on. “If only there was something we could use to track down my world. That jump had to have been massive, I’m surprised it didn’t leave like a rip in reality or something. Now if we could find that, then we might be able to get somewhere.”
Spike walked in at that moment, a gem in one hand and his gauntlets in the other. “Oh hey! There ya are, big bro! I was trying to find ya since ya said you’d spar with me and….”
Ryan tilted his head before frowning. “Spike? Ya okay, little buddy? Ya look sick.”
“Oh it’s….blech!” Spike belched flames as a giant scroll appeared before landing in front of everypony there. “Ugh...it’s been a long time since the Princess had to use that type!”
‘...which means not good news. Ryan?’
“Right!” Ryan nodded as he picked it up and unfurled it before quickly reading it over, mumbling as he went. “...magic....Gorge….distortions...panic...Discord….huh.”
“Big trouble in little Equestria?” DJ asked as he went back to his notes. Twilight was looking over Ryan’s shoulder, reading what she could.
“Ask and ye shall receive, partner.” Ryan noted before handing it to DJ, “You might wanna give this a read. Basically, it would seem that there’s been a weird anomaly found to the south here in some town called Creepy Hallow. Though Cellie doesn’t say just what it is, and only that she asked Disky to go check it out ahead of us, it’s apparently putting the townsfolk into some kinda panic.”
“And it would seem she would like for us to go investigate just in case.” Twilight frowned, “This is...worrisome.”
“‘Creepy Hallow’? Huh, deja vu. Well, if this anomaly is related to my jump, we might finally be able to figure out how and what we need to get me back. It sounds a little ominous, but -- AAH!” DJ suddenly clutched his head, breathing erratically in pain.
Good lord!! What the hell?! Malice screamed out, doubling over in pain within the mental scape.
‘Mallie?!’
“Deej?!” Ryan rushed over to him before crouching down. “Dude! What’s wrong?!”
DJ panted for a moment, trying to regain his bearings. He seemed erratic and almost pale, like he’d seen a ghost. “We have to get to that town. And soon!”
“Right! I’ll go get the others, you wait here with Ryan and Spike!”
With that Twilight poofed off to get the rest of the herd while Ryan continued looking at his new friend and trying to figure out just what in the hell was going on.
‘Mallie...clearly something not right is going on. Are you gonna be okay?’
Yeah, yeah, that was just… that’s never happened like that before.
Ryan and Dark both raised an eyebrow at that one.
‘What’s never happened like that before?’
“Ah’m with Dark...yer sayin’ that’s happened ta you two before?”
“It was a vision, a vision of the Force. We had a look into the future and… dear mother. Something bad is going to happen, and soon.”
We’ve experienced minor visions in the past, but that… that was some strong shit.
“It wasn’t very clear, but what we did see… There was fire and destruction and darkness.” DJ shuddered hard, choking back a sob. “I saw the princesses, your herd… they were all dead. And then, then I saw you and Dark fall as well. I couldn’t see what was doing it, but… it was awful.”
“...that’s disheartening, and we should take it’s warning...but again, like Ah told ya partner, the only problem Ah have with the Force future predicting is it’s too vague for it’s own good sometimes. Ah won’t say that trouble isn’t brewing, but as to whether it’s the real future you saw or just a possible one is yet to be determined.” Ryan nodded as he noted the others poofing in. “Either way, Ah’m not letting anyone die. Not mah herd. Not the Princesses. And not you, Deej.”
“All accounted for, Ryan….Is...is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong,” DJ answered quickly. He leaned over to Ryan and whispered, “They don’t need to know the details. The fewer who know about the vision, the better chance we have of stopping it.”
“Right. If we’re all set, let’s get a move on!”
‘Hold on tight guys, time for express transit!’
DJ sighed. “Here we go again.”
A short moment later, the group had popped in just outside of Creepy Hallow intact….well, mostly intact given the way DJ’s eyes were swirling.
“Geez...ya really can’t handle teleporting too much, huh?”
“Like I said,” DJ said as he regained his balance, “I don’t like letting others drive.” He shook free of his dizziness and took a quick glance around. “Well, certainly looks like Discord’s here.”
“Boys! Ladies! Helloooooo~” Discord laughed loudly before waving them over. “Nice of you to join me. Perhaps you can help the locals calm a little since they seem to be a bit...overly dramatic ever since I showed up.”
Dark noted what was left of the populace running about in a panic. ‘That’s an understatement, Cordy. What the hell is going on?’
“Something quite unusual...that may possibly have a link to our dear new friends. Admittedly, I haven’t had much of a chance to get information from anyone here with their panicked state of mind...but I suppose with the lot of you here to assist we can simply home in on whatever it is that has them so spooked.” Discord bowed before motioning towards the creepy forest bordering the town. “Shall we?”
“Let’s,” DJ said with a nod. They began trotting off into the town, watching as a few panicked ponies ran by. “Should we calm them down? It doesn’t look like they’re gonna do it themselves anytime soon.”
“...Ah reckon Ah haven’t seen a creature this panicked since Winona realized we were takin’ her to the vet.” AppleJack watched two ponies collide with one another before running off in opposite directions. “Ya know...after all the crazy crap that happens in Ponyville, Ah’m starting to think we’re gettin’ a bit...desensitized to trouble like this. Ah mostly say this, because Ah really don’t think it’s much harm if it just plays itself out.”
“...as weird as it makes me say to agree with that, AJ’s got a point.” Rainbow Dash nodded before punching the air. “We should just focus on the source, and then everypony else will chill out once we stop the problem!”
“Eh, alrighty then. At least they’re not looting. Human up!” There was a flash of green light and DJ was once again in his human form. His new friends were all staring at him in confusion, but he ignored it. “What are you staring at? Let’s get a move on!”
As they group ran on towards the forest and what was no doubt the source of the trouble, Dark felt he had to answer DJ’s rhetorical question. ‘I imagine that the reason they were gawking is confusion as to why you went human at a time like this. Obviously, yer skill seems better in bi-ped mode...so no surprise you wanna go all out prepared from the get-go. The thing that bothers me is, how long has this thing been here whatever it is? And what exactly are we going to find?’
“Well you’re about to find out, Dark old boy!” Discord answered with a giddy smile. “It’s really quite something.”
DJ stopped not long after that. “Woah.” It took Ryan not even a second later to catch up and see what he was gawking at. Right outside of the town, a massive tear just existed right in the middle of the air, swirling colors going on within.
“Whoa, indeed.” Ryan looked at the odd slice in reality before seeing something around it. “...what the hell? What are those hooded ponies doing around it? Is that...some kinda ritualistic circle they’ve formed?”
“I have a bad feeling about this. The Force is radiating with negative energies over there.” DJ stepped forward, putting his hands to his mouth. “HEY! Hooded pony dudes! Whacha doin’ over there?”
All but one pony continued the creepy chanting as he turned to see what this interruption was. “The hell is going on here? Don’t you know that—human!”
“Me?” Ryan and DJ both answered.
“No! The one there with the voice in his head!”
‘Me?’
The pony facehoofed before rolling his eyes. “No! The one with the pervy voice from the past!”
Dark growled. ‘How dare you say such a thing about my good friend, Mallie!’
He means you, Dark, ya ass!
‘...I’m not a pervert...am I?’
“My dear Dark, now’s not the time to determine you’re curious actions.” Discord remarked before glaring at the ponies. “I have a feeling I know exactly what this group is…”
“Then enlighten us before I go over there and start kicking some ass. I got a lot of beef with cults and right now I want to start, as Malice would say, spilling some blood.”
“...funny you say that, old bean, as this particular cult is in need of some setting straight.” Discord seemed oddly focused. “As you might recall, ladies, we once had a discussion in which it was mentioned there were groups that followed Tia, Lulu, and even myself as a sort of...religion if you will. While most are harmless...it would appear this group has something stupid in mind.”
“Ah reckon that’s sure enough true if they’re messin’ with that weird light-show.”
“Dear heavens...that human...he sure keeps the weirdest bunch with him.” The lead pony grumbled. “I won’t even bother asking why there’s two now...but hahahahahahahaha! You’re too late!”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” DJ muttered. “I don’t care what you think you’re gonna get out of this, but if you plan on hurting any innocents then you’re gonna have to go through me! And them, I guess.”
“Innocents? Mwahahaha. That will be the least of your worries once we return our dear deity back to his true self! No longer will he be tainted by that meddlesome human and his herd’s friendship talks!”
“Shadow Die! The portal!”
The pony, now revealed to be this Shadow Die, turned triumphantly towards it. “Yes! Come, true chaos! Return Discord to the being he so rightly is and return him to his full glory!”
Wait, are they trying to summon something from between the worlds?!
‘...No, Mallie. Worse….if I’m putting together the pieces right, they’re trying to harness its power to turn Cordy back into the maniacal, evil madman he was after Gauge’s death.’ Dark looked about before staring at Discord. ‘However...something isn’t right. Cordy’s not really changing, but something is off about that tear.’
“Uh oh,” DJ said putting his hand near a lightsaber. “I have a feeling that both of you are right. They may not be able to change this Discord, but who's to say about another…”
‘...oh, oh no. I know this kind of magic...this is far worse than I had hoped.’ Dark tensed up as something emerged from the tear. It was Discord, alright, but something was not right about him in the least.
“...where am I?” Discord looked around before seeing Ryan and DJ. “Humans!”
“Oh shit!” Ryan gasped, pulling out Malus Domestica and barely blocking this Discord’s attack. “...this anger. This hatred…”
‘...it’s Cordy from the past. Oh, shit. I’ve seen Back to the Future so I know this ain’t good!’
“Oh my, my, my. Dark? Is that you? But I must say...wherever did you leave your body?” Discord (?) looked about before seeing things were off. “Well now, this isn’t the Everfree. I was having such a fun time chasing those miserable humans and ponies into it until I was rudely taken away from it all. Might I imagine you have something to do with this?”
“That would be me!” Shadow Die remarked with a sneer. “...I suppose it’s not as intended, but to see our deity back to his true nature is still the result we desired. We’re here to serve you, our lord.”
DJ lit his lightsaber and edged over to the current Discord. “Discord,” he whispered, “You need to get out of here before your past-self notices. We need an ace, and you just became it.”
Discord (?) took one look at Shadow Die...and backhanded him into the horizon. “Foolish pony! What need would one such as I have for the likes of you?!”
Discord looked at DJ and nodded, making quick to disguise himself before making tracks as best he could. His past self, however, immediately felt something was off.
“So then...if I was brought here. Oh, goodie! That means it’s the future! But...hold on! Things seem quite off here!” Discord (?) looked about at the land that was, despite creepy, normal. “The land is so...bland. The ponies are free? And...a human? Two! Sorry, boy, didn’t sense you there with that piddly amount of magic you’ve got.”
Ryan snickered. “Oh shit...Ah know it’s not the time, but he totally just smack talked you, dude.”
“‘Piddly’?!” DJ parroted. “I have a lot of magic, thank you very much! Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face!?”
Past Discord did just that, perhaps faster than DJ would’ve liked, before he bitch-slapped him to the ground. “I don’t talk to humans...I let my claw handle that for me!”
DJ rubbed his cheek as he got back up. You son of a bitch! You touch my partner one more time, I’m gonna fuck you up!
Past Discord—perhaps P Cordy for short? No? Right. Anyway! He looked a bit surprised at Malice’s outburst. “Well, well. It would seem Dark isn’t the only person that went and got himself trapped in someone. And you? Fuck me up? You’ll need a bit more chaos than what I sense to do that.”
“Rawr!” Ryan growled as he brought Malus Domestica’s components down towards this Discord...only to get blocked in mid-air. “...oh dip.”
“So impatient. I don’t know who you are, but you’re beginning to bore me. Why Dark would hide in your head is beyond me, but clearly he chose poorly.”
“The hell!?” Ryan gasped as he was slammed into DJ, knocking the four of them across the ground. “...Dark...why the hell is he so strong?”
‘...I told you his anger was great back then. And it fueled his madness.’
“Then how...how did you even fight him?”
‘...I can’t answer that. Not because I don’t want to...but the memories of how are blurry.’
Well, we’re boned.
“Thanks for the confidence, Malice. We need to do something, especially with the others here. We should’ve brought the Elements, just in case.”
Twilight rolled her eyes before nodding her head, revealing something around her and her friend’s necks. “I cast a spell to hide them in case there was trouble.”
“Now, what’s this? Oh look, the Elements. I must say, they’re much more fashionable then I remember. However…” Discord snapped his fingers and the group gasped in horror as their Discord was now ensnared in his past self’s claws. “It would seem that some things just went terribly, terribly wrong. Like myself. Here I am, galavanting about with ponies and humans like they were my friends.”
Disky grumbled and tried to break free. “My past self was a jackass...why don’t you go blow off some steam before you do something stupid?”
‘...Mallie? Now we’re boned.’
“However, I belive I can fix all of this!” Past Discord placed his paw over his future self before grinning.
‘Cordy! No!’ Dark shouted, but too late. In something that clearly should’ve broke time but didn’t, Discord’s past self took his future self’s power before throwing him aside in a crumpled mess.
“...no. Disky!”
“Aw, shit! This ain’t good. Uh, someone please tell me we have a plan for this, ‘cause I really think we need one right about now!”
The girls looked at each other, Spike looked to them, they looked to Ryan/Dark and DJ/Malice, and then they all turned to Past Discord who just stared at them with a menacing and creepy grin.
“DJ...this is probably stupid, but we’re gonna hold him off with what we can while they make a break for it. If...if they can get the Princesses help...maybe...I know it’s stupid.” Ryan growled as he flared his Elemental Sync. “But dammit! It’s all Ah’ve got at the moment! Unless a miracle is gonna occur….”
DJ looked at Ryan and then at Discord, then back to Ryan before smirking. “Yeah, that’s what I figured was gonna happen.” He chuckled lightly under his breath before closing his eyes. When he opened them again, they were black voids. “Let’s get this over with. I wanna get back in time for dinner.”
“Oh my! What do you know? I guess you do have a little bit of magic in you, after all! Such bravado...but so stupid. Just like Darkness. So, boys, let’s start my reign of terror through time by taking down four annoying little insects.”
DJ glared at Discord. “It’s not bravado, Discord; it’s hope. As long as there is still hope, then you won’t win. Now, if you want magic, I’ll give you magic! I probably shouldn’t use this so soon, but we need everything right now.” DJ pulled out his swords and focused on his inner powers. “Generosity, Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty, Magic! Harmonic Convergence!” There was a golden flash of light and DJ was back to full power. “Now… let’s see how you can handle us now.”
“Hahaha. Well, well...since when was it that any human could just use the Elements as well? I didn’t realize they’d been reduced to such a sad little toy. Still, points for that surprise.” Discord clapped his claw and paw together sarcastically. “So, boys...I’m right here. Let’s make some chaos~”
“You won’t take this land! I am the Being of Harmony and together with my friends, we will stop you!”
“Deej is right! Ah won’t ever let someone like you take this world from those that live here! Ah will protect those Ah love!” Ryan roared as he charged with DJ, their strikes in sync with one another as they tried to land a blow on Discord. DJ went high, while Ryan went low… only for Discord to snap his fingers and appear right behind them.
“You both are trying just so very hard.” Discord grabbed the two of them and slammed them together head-first. “It’s almost admirable...but such a sacrifice to let your little friends escape. Foolish as ever, eh Darkness?”
‘Cordy...no. You aren’t Cordy. You’re an awful, terrible version of him that shouldn’t have ever been.’
“Oh! It hurts so. Hahaha. But not as much as this will!”
‘What?’ Dark barely got that out before he—and Ryan—screamed in pain as his host’s arm was grabbed tightly by Discord before twisting it fiercely.
“We’ve got a screamer here! I bet all the mares love that!” Discord cackled as he twisted Ryan’s arm more, drawing out more screams.
‘...bastard.’
“HEY!!” Discord turned towards the scream, only to yelp as he was struck by lightning. “Don’t. Hurt. My friends!” DJ yelled, his rage beginning to peak.
Discord blinked, dropping Ryan who grunted and flexed his arm to see he was still okay somehow. “Oh dear...such rage. Such power. Perhaps I misspoke...but I can’t have this ruining my fun.”
“What?” Ryan groaned as he felt himself picked up, “What the?! What are you doing?!”
“Getting rid of you, and your little friend as well.” Discord chuckled, appearing behind DJ who blindly tried to strike him only to find his saber caught by a claw. “Tsk, tsk...so touchy.”
“Bastard!”
“Oh my~! You know, I used to admire spunk, but now,” Discord’s tail suddenly shot forward, piercing right through DJ’s heart. “Now, I find it highly annoying.”
KID!! Malice screamed as DJ fell to the ground in a heap, no longer moving.
‘...Mallie...no.’ Dark grunted as he watched helplessly.
Discord smirked as he picked up both humans and marched to the tear in space/time. “Do watch that reentry boys, I hear it’s quite bumpy for those not expecting it. And don’t worry, I’ll take good care of this land you so care about.”
Ryan spat blood before snarling. “You...motherfucker….”
“I do try my best! Ta-ta!”
With that Ryan and DJ were flung into the tear, disappearing from sight. Discord, noting his work here was done, dusted his hands off before looking around. “Well, time to blow this taco stand...and go after the whole enchilada.”
Just as he began walking away from the tear, he felt something...something he hadn’t felt since…
“Feel the Grasp of Heaven’s Might! Lunaris Catena Ignis!”
“...the hell?” Discord gasped as he was surrounded and binded by white-hot lightning. Turning around, he saw a figure standing in front of the tear that made his eyes go wide. “You?! How!?”
Author's Note
It has taken far, far too long for this update to happen. Real life issues can be quite the bother, as y'all no doubt know. Either way, Ah finally got this up and ready and....holy shit, it's hit the fan now, eh folks?
Where do things go from here? Will Ryan and DJ be stuck in the past? Will the gals be able to stop this insane ultimate manifestation of evil Discord? And just who caught said Discord by surprise?
All this and more, in the next exciting installment of Baddest DJ Z...er, on Two Turntables!
Where Heroes Collide, Shenanigans Are Not Far Behind
"Nice of you to join us as always, my little human." Celestia smirked, "As well as my little ponies. I trust all of you are doing well now after such a harrowing ordeal?"
"If yer asking whether or not Ah'm back to one hundred percent, then yeah, Ah'm alright." Ryan winked, "Ready for action once again!"
Celestia snickered, "Oh really? Then perhaps we should test that with a...royal challenge?"
'Oh snap, that face! Back down Ryan, back down!'
Luna sighed before rolling her eyes, "As usual, sister, you come on too strong."
'Thank goodness for the voice of reason, Woona.'
"...do you not recall that our human responds better to subtle teasing?"
"......" Ryan facepalmed, "...Ah don't know what Ah was expecting."
"Uhm, Princess?"
"Yes, Twilight Sparkle?"
"As much as making our human blush is fun, can we get back on task, please?"
"But of course." Celestia nodded before becoming serious again, "So, with everything back in order, how is it coming with your new charge?"
"Ah yes, Disky...well, ya see—"
And that was when Ryan and the others heard some kind of shouting from outside the throne room before the doors were kicked in and a voice shouted out, "Hey, Celestia! Luna! You might wanna update your guards out there, they didn't seem to recognize me!"
The group simply stared in wonder at this newcomer, though Celestia did not let it phase her, "And exactly who are you?"
Ryan was wondering the same thing as well as he sized up this blue...wait, wings? And a horn?!
'...an alicorn?' He thought, 'But....how?'
As he noted this alicorn sizing them up, he finally chose to break the silence, "So...do y'all know this pony?"
Having made to move close to Ryan just in case something went down, AppleJack shook her head, "Not in all mah days, Apple Ryder."
"I'm just as confused as you are." Twilight tilted her head, "Especially seeing as he appears to be an alicorn."
"But that can't be! The Princesses are the only ones like...ever!" Rainbow huffed, "How can that be?"
And so on as the others made similar comments that only seemed to bother this newcomer until finally he very succinctly stated, "Buck my life!"
'Soooo, that outburst aside, seriously...who is this nutjob?'
"...what was that? Also! Who do you think you are getting so close to AppleJack like that?"
Ryan threw his hands up in defense, "Whoa, buddy! Ah don't know who ya are but what business of it is yers why Ah'm so close to her? Besides, why wouldn't Ah be close to somepony Ah love?"
"Love?"
"Uh, yeah. As in Ah wanna be with her..." Ryan smirked and put an arm around her, pulling her close, "..and, of course, mah other herdmates."
"...herdmates?"
"Yeah, ya know, when one stallion—"Ryan pointed at himself before motioning towards the others"—has multiple marefriends."
"...multiple?"
"Yep. T-Sparks, Rares, Flutters, Dashie, Pinks, Lyra—though at the moment she is taking care of some things back home—and last but by no means least, mah sweet little Apps."
'Don't forget our occasional moments with Woona and Tia thanks to me, partner.'
This strange pony seemed to be confused, blinking several times before bringing a hoof to his forehead and rubbing it, "I'm not in Kansas anymore, am I?"
"Probably not, Dorothy."
At that the pony seemed to perk up, "You...you...do you know how long it's been since I made a reference from Earth and someone got it? That alone almost makes up for me being stuck here and learning some...curious things about the alternate versions of ponies in my life. But, heh...yeah, you sure are making me laugh with that whole herd thing. Multiple marefriends...how would that even work?"
'Very, very well, I assure you.'
"...again, that voice. How are you talking without moving your mouth?" The pony stepped closer to Ryan, only to see the others tense up.
Ryan put out his arm to signal them it was okay, "Easy...that would be Darkness Shade. A human from Equestria's past that apparently is more connected to me than Ah realized."
"....Equestria's past? What?"
'Okay, okay...As I imagine Tia and Woona have figured out, you clearly aren't from around here.' Dark chuckled, 'When Ryan says the past, he means years and years ago when humans and ponies shared Equestria as their home.'
"Oh boy...I picked a doozy of a place to end up in. Ugh...." With that he walked to the nearest wall and began banging his head against it. Repeatedly.
Ryan, watching the highly confused alicorn's actions curiously, dove to catch him as he passed out from slamming his head against the solid stone walls of the castle, "Hey! Hey, come on! What the hell are you doing, dude?"
"He'll be okay, it would just appear that..." Celestia seemed to look him over once, her horn glowing, "Yes...as I suspected he was on the receiving end of somepony's spell. Though I imagine this was not the intended result given his reactions. Curious, though...."
"What is, Princess?"
"The magical residue I'm detecting on him...I could swear it matches yours, Twilight Sparkle."
"Mine?" Twilight looked at the alicorn oddly, "How weird...either way, we should get him somewhere comfortable till he awakens."
"Ugh...not right...Twilight...human...herd....lost...." The blue alicorn grumbled in his sleep, tossing and turning slightly before opening his eyes, "Where? It's night...I'm in a bed?"
"Shhh, it's okay. You're safe here."
"...Twilight?"
"Yeah, you had a bit of a backlash to that spell but you seem okay now."
"Oh thank goodness. I had the weirdest dream I ended up somewhere that was wrong and I was lost."
"Heh, it's okay there, partner. Yer safe and sound back at the Golden Oaks Library now."
"...GOLDEN OAKS LIBRARY?" The alicorn shot up in bed to see Twilight but also a human as well sitting next to her.
"Whoa, easy there McFly. No need to freak out."
"Great Scott....it wasn't a dream."
"Ah know, Ah know, this is heavy but just relax. Yer safe here."
Twilight rolled her eyes, "What are you two going on about?"
"Hey, it has been far too long since Ah could make references from mah world and not get stares so Ah'm making the most of it." Ryan smirked, "But to answer yer question...it's about time. Haha."
The alicorn, though confused as to where he was, couldn't help smirk himself at that terrible reference, "With a sense of humor like that, I suppose it's worth calming down. So...I'm in the Treebrary then."
"Yes. We would have put you up in our home, but it's a bit quieter here. We've been taking shifts keeping an eye on you."
"Pffft!"
"What was...did you just..."
Ryan shook his head, "No. That was Fluffle."
"Who?" The alicorn turned before seeing a bright pink, fluffy pony wearing a nurse's hat, "Oh. Well, that makes sense I guess."
"Yeah, she's been pretty helpful but...well, if'n yer feeling okay how about we explain some simple things."
"Like names and stuff?"
'Heh, smart guy. I like that.'
"I should probably be more creeped out by that but at the moment I have no cares other than getting home. Still, you did ask so let me fill you in..."
Sometime later, Ryan and Twilight had finished their talk with the blue alicorn whom they now knew was named DJ. Apparently his Twilight had attempted a long-distance teleportation spell and goofed it up.
"That's weird seeing as T-Sparks and Ah have pretty much perfected that kinda spell."
Twilight shrugged, "Well, in an infinite number of realities and possibilities we can't assume that all versions of me learn the same spells, let alone gain the same degree of mastery over them."
DJ chuckled softly, "Nice to see that regardless of which reality I'm in, you pretty much act the same, Twilight."
"Uhm...thanks. I think."
"So, question?"
"Yes?" Ryan turned to him, "What's up, DJ?"
"You're acting pretty calm about the fact I get your references from Earth." DJ smirked, "I figured you'd be a bit more curious how a pony knows stuff like that."
Ryan shrugged before smirking back, "Well, Ah figured either yer from a reality where Earth and Equestria are connected somehow, or you were a human sent to Equestria and somehow either became a pone or acquired a pone form. In fact, if Ah were to guess, the most likely reason you'd go pone would either be something that made it hard for yer human self to exist or...."
"...or?"
"Or it had to do with a difference in aging factors. Even though it won't be much of an issue in our Equestria, Ah wouldn't assume all Equestrias would be the same."
DJ simply blinked before tilting his head, "Okay...kinda creepy how ya nailed it on the head. But, wait. From what you said does that mean you won't age slower than them? Do humans from your world live longer?"
"No, the average is still seventy or eighty. The answer is pretty simple, as Dark will explain."
'...why me?'
"Because yer being lazy and the more he hears you talk the less creepy it'll get."
'...fine.' Dark cleared his throat, 'Basically the species in Equestria live longer, you know this right?'
"Yeah, thanks to various factors they all live for several hundred years with differences due to their makeup."
'Exactly! Here, in our Equestria, humans were part of that formula. As I've told our herd before, humans lived a lifespan near to that of the various pones with variances here and there for those that had mastery of magic.' Dark sighed, 'I would've been around a while, at least according to mah mentor Swirly anyhow. So, thanks to this I—'
"Wait, who is "Swirly"?" DJ tapped a hoof to his chin in thought, "Swirly...Swirly...wait! You don't mean Star-Swirled?"
Though he could not see such, DJ was pretty sure Dark was grinning at that moment. Realizing he was serious, he could only chuckle, "Well then...I bet that was something."
"If your T-Sparks is anything like ours, Ah'm sure ya know all about him." Ryan laughed, ruffling Twilight's mane, "But yeah, to finish what Dark was saying, thanks to him I've inherited those traits so Ah get ta be with mah herd as long as possible."
"Must be nice, the way you and Dark complement each other."
Ryan regarded him curiously at that statement, "...what does that mean?"
DJ shook his head, "It's nothing...anyway, uhm, I suppose that now that I'm up we'll be going back to see the Princesses."
"Well, not exactly."
"What do you mean, Ryan?"
"Easy, partner: it's the middle of the night. Even if we can just poof there, it's probably best to one, wait till morning, and two, let Cellie and Lunes know so we don't stumble into anymore....sensitive issues."
"What the hay does that mean?"
'Some things are best left unsaid.' Dark shivered slightly, 'Regardless, cake will never have the same meaning ever again.'
Thinking on his words, DJ seemed confused as he thought on that...and then his eyes widened, "Oh...oh! Well, alright then. So...does anypony have something to eat, I'm starving!!"
After having to practically pull DJ out of the fridge—seriously, he had completely emptied it, crawled inside, and said to shut the door so he could find the secrets of the Food Dimension—and then trying to stop him from eating Fluffle—whom he swore was the living embodiment of Cotton Candy and could lead him to Candy Land—Ryan and the rest of his herd barricaded him inside the guest room of the Treebrary and told him to go to sleep. Of course, keeping an alicorn locked up is harder than it sounds and after an intense chase ripped straight from a 70's cartoon, they'd cornered him after he'd raided the late night convenience store and eaten his body weight in donuts. Said donuts made him quite placid and easily lent to them hefting him back to bed. As it was, Ryan had collapsed on a pillow in the middle of the living room and said he was sleeping there for what remained of the night. Noting he was serious, the others had no intention of leaving him alone and so just piled around him to keep him warm before they too fell asleep.
As morning dawned, DJ yawned before wondering what happened. Wiping his face, he noted sprinkles and frosting residue and could only wonder just where he'd picked that up, "Hmmm...I remember being hungry...and then having to find food. Speaking of, let's raid that fridge!" Making his way downstairs, he gave pause when he noted a human blanketed by several ponies and that's when it came back to him, "Oh right...I forgot that I'm not in my Equestria. Hmmm..."
He observed the sight of Ryan and his herd for a while, thinking back on what he'd said. Originally, he thought Ryan and the others were just pulling his leg and having a bit of fun at his expense but seeing them like this—AppleJack curled on his side, Rainbow's head flopped on his chest, and Lyra's head resting atop his complete with her tongue hanging out slightly—he could see that what they'd said was true. And even though this wasn't his Twilight, seeing her happily nuzzling somepony else like that made his heart twinge ever so slightly. It made him ache for home and made him wonder just how worried they were about him. Noting Ryan stir, he cleared his thoughts before noting Ry's eyes lock on to him, "Oh...hey. Morning."
"Heh, morning. Do you...always sleep like this?"
"Well, haha, it all depends on the mood and location, but usually Ah find mahself buried under a pleasant pile of pony plushness." Ryan squirmed a bit, "Although..."
"...although?"
"...when this happens, and Ah wake up first...haha, well, let's just say Nature's Call becomes a bit more unbearable."
DJ nodded before snickering, "Gotcha. So...can I help?"
"Nah, it'll be okay. You...well, since ya ate all the food ya could go buy us some breakfast." Ryan looked about before motioning towards a piggy bank that looked like Twilight, "Twigy the Piggy has some spare bits in her, just fish a few out and go get some donuts or something. Maybe muffins? Whichever."
Looking at the Twilight piggy bank, and then thinking back on a certain Hayburger moment, DJ chuckled before fishing a few bits out with his magic and heading towards the door, "Okay. Hopefully the Ponyville layout is the same here as it is back home."
"Oh, just...keep a low profile. Alicorns tend to attract trouble so..."
"Heh, gotcha Ryan." DJ opened the door and smirked mischievously, "I'll go get breakfast, and you enjoy having to pee while trapped under sleeping ponies."
Before he could get out a retort, DJ shut the door and headed off to acquire breakfast.
As DJ set off to acquire some tasty noms, something odd was happening in a small city south of Ponyville and Northwest of Appleloosa near what was known as the Ghastly Gorge. The town, which was only known on certain maps as Creepy Hallow, was indeed a quiet place with a mix of inhabitants from ponies to diamond dogs to even the occasional gryphon or two. And not much happened, despite being next to a rather large ravine that sometimes seemed responsible for spooky events. However, unbeknownst to the townsfolk, something odd had appeared in the forest that separated the town and Ghastly Gorge that most wouldn't know what to make of. For all intents and purposes, it almost appeared as if the world itself was cracking apart with the strange divide that hung in the air. Unfortunately, this was not to go unnoticed for long.
"...I know it is here. The one thing that might bring about what is needed."
A strange, hooded pony was mumbling to himself as he wandered the forest, "The others think that I'm mad for just leaving on a hunch, but I don't see them trying to do anything to return our beloved deity to his former mad glory."
This pony, so lost in his own thoughts, would have likely never seen the crack in reality save for the fact he ran smack into it before getting knocked back by its mysterious energies.
"...ow. What?" The pony's eyes widened as he saw the crack, "Could this be...?"
Pulling out an odd device, the pony seemed please by what it was telling him, "Yes. But this alone is not enough....there is something I must acquire before returning him to his glory. Yes, yes indeed. It would seem I must pay a visit to a certain library..."
Back in Ponyville, and unaware of what was transpiring, DJ had easily enough gotten a large amount of muffins for their breakfast and had returned to the Treebrary with—surprisingly—no trouble. Although his encounter with the muffin mare was a little odd, "Hmmm...strange she would chose to go by Derpy here, but then again when I called her Ditzy she just looked right through me...at least I think she did. Heh, the Doctor seemed unsure of what to make of me, but given how he acted it's safe to say he's not the same as the one I know. How weird."
Figuring it was tame compared to what he might eventually deal with while here, he opened the door to see that everypony was up now. Walking in, he set the basket of muffins down on the table before staring at Ryan and smirking, "So...how long did ya have to hold it?"
"Guh! No tact at all...."
'If you must know, he had to wait 40 minutes.'
"Dark!"
'Speaking of, why did it take you 40 minutes to get muffins?'
"Oh, you know...just taking the scenic route." DJ waved his hoof about, "Wouldn't you want to check things out if you landed in a world that was but wasn't yours at the same time?"
Ryan tapped his chin before nodding, "Ah suppose yer right."
"Besides..." DJ laughed softly, "With the position you were in, I didn't think there was any need to rush."
"...yer such a brat."
With that they had breakfast before sending a letter off to the Princesses letting them know their visitor was finally back with them. After waiting a short while for the reply, the group readied themselves for transport.
"Are...are you sure this is going to be okay?"
"Relax, DJ. T-Sparks and Ah have done this before with no problem." Ryan remarked, "Why...a bit skittish with teleporting?"
"Well, sort of. I'm not a big fan of poofing about, if you will."
"It's okay, lots of ponies your age end up with teleporting sickness. It's more common than you would think."
"...not helping." DJ sighed, "Okay, let's get it over with."
With that, Ryan and T-Sparks harmonized their magic before sending them flying straight for Canterlot...
...where they all ended up teleporting over the Princesses instead of in front of them, landing on them thusly.
"...if you would, my little ponies, please do get off." Celestia sighed, "...unless a certain human is secretly wanting snuggle time."
"No, no! We're good!" Ryan quickly hopped off, practically tossing the others with him, "...maybe later."
"Heh, nice to see you're just as mischievous as my Celestia."
Ryan rolled his eyes, "Yeah...mischievous. That's what that is."
"Either way, we welcome you to our castle." Luna nodded, "However, we would like to hear just who you are in more detail as well as how it is you came to our world."
"Very well. I am DJ Sparkle, prince of Harmony....and as I told your Twilight and Ryan, I ended up here after a failed teleportation experiment." DJ seemed to think for a moment, "I'm not sure what else I can tell you seeing as it would appear that where I'm from is further in the future than here."
Rainbow Dash frowned, "Ugh...what? How is that possible?"
"It's simple, Rainbow." Twilight cleared her throat, "It stands to reason that just how the different realities have their unique tweaks that vary, the flow of time may also be one of those variants. So it's entirely within the realm of possibility for events to happen in one reality yet still be waiting to occur in another."
DJ blinked before nodding, "Well spoken, Twilight....you certainly are very similar to mine."
"Oh, u-uhm...thanks."
"Now wait...Ah know ya can't say anything, but is there anyway ya can at least fill us in a bit more."
'Perhaps the best way is for us to tell you what our last major event was so you can deduce just how much you can tell us?'
As much as it pains me to say, the bodiless dork there makes a point.
DJ rolled his eyes, "...you could've put it better. Also...you chose now of all times to speak up again?"
The others were rather perplexed and just stared at DJ for a few moments until he caught their curious glances. Unsure as to what to say he just looked back at them and tried to come up with something....but the other voice certainly had no difficulty.
Lord, even here these ponies are just...guh. And that other human...what the fuck is he even staring at? He looks so damn stupid with that confused look on his face...
"...must you always criticize when we meet someone new?"
Again, more confused looks were all this produced until finally...
'Okay, I'll just go ahead and say it since no one else is responding....DJ? Why the hell do you have a very angry, very snippy voice coming from you despite not talking?'
DJ blinked a few times before looking left and right and putting on a confused look of his own, "...you...you can hear him?"
Hearing a rather unanimous 'Yes' from everypony there, DJ wasn't sure what to make of this situation.
I sure as hell can! Finally! I won't be silenced! All will hear my wisdom and weep at how pathetic they are compared ta me!
"...so not only do ya have a voice like Ah do, partner, but he's apparently a massive dick. Bummer."
The hell did you say?! I'll kick your ass from here to another dimension.
'A massive dick, indeed. So, DJ, who exactly is this charming soul anyway?"
DJ simply sighed and shook his head, "That would be Malice. He's my...discorded self. It's weird though..."
Celestia, having come out of shock from the vulgarity of this new arrival, narrowed her eyes in thought, "And what do you mean by that, Prince DJ?"
"...please don't call me that. DJ works just fine." DJ sighed, "And what I mean is that Malice should not be able to be heard by all of you. Usually I'm the only one that can hear him...unless he's in control."
'Control?'
Yeah, when the shit hits the fan the kid here lets me take over...and then the fun really begins!
Fluttershy meeped and hid behind Ryan, "Th-that fun sounds awful."
Lyra rolled her eyes, "No offense, DJ, but your disembodied voice is kinda a mood ruiner."
"Tell me about it..." DJ facepalmed, "But I just don't get how he can talk."
"I have a theory..."
Everypony there turned to face...Pinkie?
"Well, Dark can talk with us despite being part of Ryan's soul, right? Well, who's to say that other beings like him aren't granted the same ability? Maybe it's just something unique to our world and is a difference compared to DJ's."
KA-THUNK!
That was the sound of Ryan's jaw hitting the ground at Pinkie saying something so...unexpected. Twilight was making some odd facial movements before gasping, "It could totally be a plausible answer. But...Pinkie? Where...how?"
Pinkie shrugged, "You guys aren't the only ones that can be all smart, Twilight! It's just more fun being me! Now who wants lunch?!"
...kid, what the hell have you dragged me into now?
'Oh lighten up, Malice. No need to be such a jerk.'
You shut up, old man! I don't care how old or whatever you are, you're just another punk human who's ass needs to be kicked! By me!
Ryan, sensing that things were getting a bit heated between the two soul beings, tried to change the subject, "A-anyway! We were talking about trying to determine how our timelines are."
"Right...probably best to do that and ignore them."
Hey! This isn't over, yet!
"Ignoring you!" DJ shouted before laughing sheepishly, "Anyway...perhaps showing me would be quicker?"
"Oh yes! The stain-glass! Ah suppose we can show and tell. Follow me...of course, if that's okay with Cellie and Lunes."
Celestia and Luna looked at the curious alicorn and then to Ryan before slowly nodding, "Do not cause trouble. If our counterparts in your world trust you, we will cautiously extend that trust for now...but do not cause trouble."
DJ gulped, recognizing that familiar stern but caring look regardless of the Celestia using it, "Yes, Princess."
"...this whole situation is so weird, darling." Rarity sighed, following along, "Next you're going to say you were a human as well."
"...weeeeeellll, yeah."
"Oh. Well then...that's what this lady gets for opening her mouth like that."
Ryan simply shook his head before showing off their stain-glass, "Anyway, here's all that's happened in this Equestria both before and after Ah showed up."
DJ nodded and noted a few familiar ones depicting all the past events...but curiously there was a break after a point, notably after what appeared to be the first time the Mane 6 had fought Discord.
"Penny for yer thoughts there, DJ?"
"It's just...funny how the stain glass is similar until this one." He pointed at the one showing the second fight with Discord, "Ryan...you fought him?"
"More or less...Spike and Ah did our best to break his hold on the girls."
"It would seem that way...not quite sure what that is surrounding Discord but...why are the Elements surrounding you?"
"Haha, Ah'll keep that secret fer now."
...that sounds like trouble, kid.
"I highly doubt that...but if he fought Discord, he's tougher than he looks."
"Uhm...thanks, Ah think?"
"No problem! Compli-sults are mah specialty!"
Although it's usually receiving them, not dishing them out.
"Malice!"
'Haha, this guy's got some bite on him. I like that.'
"Anyway, that aside, yeah Ah fought him. Kinda died too but...that's beside the point. We won, sealed him away, and then chilled for a bit till the wedding."
This was one too was different, as DJ noted...Chrysalis stabbing Ryan?!
"What the hell, man? Are you just a death magnet?"
Ryan sheepishly shrugged, "Maybe? Apparently the after-life and Ah have some kinda relationship...if Solaris has anything to say about it. Anyway, that...that was a big failing of mine."
"...she won?"
"No...worse. She just needed help...and Ah almost got through to her. But then...one of her children dive-bombed me, impaled himself on mah sword, and then she was lost in her grief. That's how Ah died...how Spike lost himself in rage and beat her crazy...and how she broke once more mentally at seeing she'd killed me." Ryan looked at the ground and balled up his fists, "That was the just one in a line of tragedies that haunted not only mahself, but Darkness as well."
...suffering, eh? Hmmm...
"You would focus on that." DJ rolled his eyes, "Speaking of...is your Discord?"
"Free and himself again?" Twilight spoke up, "Yes. He's allowed a minimal free reign right now...he actually moved in next to our house for some reason."
"So then Fluttershy got him to change?"
"M-Me?" Fluttershy shook her head, "No, it was to save Darkness."
"Come again?"
What about the annoying old man? Why the hell would he need saving?
"Exactly!" Pinkie giggled.
"What?"
"It's exactly as Mallie said! We had to go to Hell to save Darkness!"
Rainbow Dash chuckled before rubbing a hoof on her chest, "Specifically Tartarus, but it sounds cooler to say Hell."
DJ wasn't really sure how to react to that, so he did the first thing that came to mind, "Why doesn't anything cool like that happen to me? Sure I fought changelings, and sure there was that whole thing with...well I won't mention his name...and then...well I did threaten death. That was pretty awesome."
'Death?'
"But he's a cool dude, why would you threaten him?"
Because he's a massive tool that is so cliché...seriously, he would've fit right in on some poor fool's cheap-ass haunted house.
AppleJack raised an eyebrow, "So ya must've died too, eh?"
"...Ah'd rather not talk about that." DJ quickly moved on, "And so this is...Spike? Dark? Wait...the Crystal Heart? What are they doing? Is that...the Burning Finger?!"
'Eyup. We...we borrowed Ryan's memories to give my old friend a fitting farewell.'
"...old friend?"
'Yes...Sombrero...'
Sombrero? Wait...Crystal Heart...Crystal Kingdom...oh shit. Kid...
DJ stood there quietly, as if he was lost in his thoughts at what Malice had put together. Ryan noticed this and also sensed the change in the air that was happening. Whatever it was, he didn't like it.
'Malice put the pieces together...Sombrero is Sombra...at least, he was before tragedy changed him.'
"....Sombra...."
Ryan watched DJ carefully, not liking how the alicorn's mood was shifting. Whatever had happened in his timeline with Sombra, it clearly was not good...and the pain from it ran as deep as Dark's. Perhaps even more, he mused, noting the telltale signs of something that was threatening to occur. Watching the flickers of flame popping up around DJ's body, Ryan walked over towards him, "DJ?"
"...Sombra..."
Ryan jumped a bit as the flames snaked out towards him, but he held fast before his features hardened. Placing a hand firmly on DJ's shoulder, Ryan said his name once more, "DJ. Relax...before Ah make you relax."
DJ turned to face him and was about to lay into Ryan until he noted he looked different: his gaze was hardened, his hair was in what seemed ta be icy spikes, and most of all his eyes. No longer did his eyes appear to be the rather light-hearted ones he'd noticed since he got here, but rather they were cold and focused. Realizing that Ryan meant business if he were to let his anger get the best of him, DJ summoned all of his willpower to reel in his emotions. As the two stood there in the tense moment, their respective powers hissed against each other until finally the smaller alicorn had returned to normal. At this, Ryan nodded before letting go and allowing himself to return to normal as well.
"...was that...was that your Rage Shift?"
"My...what?"
"You know. Rage Shift...when you fuel your magic with your emotions. If your Twilight is like mine, you know what I mean."
Twilight shrugged, "What a curious name you have for it...but that state is what we know as Elemental Sync. I assume it's the same thing, though."
Lyra leaned in and whispered to Rainbow, "Do you know what they're going on about? I know that's the freaky thing that happened to Ryers when he thought Trixie killed Dark but..."
Rainbow shrugged and whispered back, "I guess that's what it's called...but when did Ryan learn to control it like that?"
"Well, it seems similar. How do you explain it then?"
'That's easy, DJ. When a magic user is pushed to a breaking point, they tap into whatever element they connect with most at the base level. For most, it's Fire...as it seems ta be for you. For others, it's Ice, like Ryan here. And, of course, there are other lesser variants to match the most common elemental bases.'
So we've got a Fire and Ice situation here, eh? Heh...I don't know why, but I feel excited for some reason.
"...probably because you want to fight him. You want to fight everyone. Ugh..." DJ took a deep breath as he rubbed his forehead, "I...I need a little time to unwind. Do you guys mind if...."
Ryan looked to Twilight before nodding, "Don't go far. Head towards the garden courtyard and collect your thoughts there."
"Right, right." DJ waved a hoof dismissively, "I getcha. Guest and all...we'll be good once I have a moment alone."
With that he walked out of the hall...before poking his head back into it, "Sooooo...the courtyard? It's still that way, around the bend, and through those really fancy looking doors?"
Fluttershy nodded, "Oh yes. If you go that way you'll find the garden and all the little animals out there."
"Thanks."
And with that Ryan and his herd were left alone.
"Rysy-Wysy...that was a bit tense."
"Pinkie's right, Apple Ryder. That could've gone so far south if ya didn't step in."
"Yeah, but our human can handle it. He's, like, the toughest guy I know! No one is as awesome as....Rys?"
"Ryan!" Lyra dove with AppleJack to catch his swaying form, "What happened?"
"He's strong....you guys might not have noticed it, but in that brief moment when our Elemental Sync states were clashing, the mental pressure he was exerting was unlike anything I'd ever felt before." Ryan took a deep breath before managing to stand on his own again, "While I don't think I would've had a problem taking him if it came to fisticuffs, especially if Dark lent me his power..."
'Something assisted us in helping suppress whatever was threatening to break free....Malice...'
"Maybe, he did seem about as freaked out as we were getting with how DJ was acting....I know it's only like 2 in the afternoon but after that, I need a drink. Come, mah herd! To the Royal Depository of Intoxicating Libations!"
After having calmed his nerves a bit—thanks in part to something from Luna's special reserve as well as a little attention from his herd—Ryan had left the others to go track down DJ as it was about dinner time. Figuring their new friend was probably still lost in thought, Ryan began wandering about the gardens looking for him.
"...where could he be? Seriously, how hard is it to find a blue alicorn? It's not like they grow on trees."
'...maybe they do in his world.'
"How would that...."
'Ryan?'
"Found him." Ryan noted, motioning towards DJ staring into the fountain, seemingly lost in thought, "Ah wonder how long he's been sitting there?"
Walking towards him, he noted him shift his position slightly before speaking up, "Come to check up on me, have you?"
"Well, ya know, with dinner time about here and with how much of an appetite you seem to have, it only seemed right ta come drag ya to the dining hall."
DJ chuckled softly, "You're a very unusual human...definitely different from most I knew, that's for sure."
"Ah'll take that as...how did you say it? A complisult?"
The two laughed at that before DJ finally stood up and followed Ryan back to the castle, "Hey...by the way..."
"Hmmm?"
"About earlier...I shouldn't have lost my cool like that."
Ryan waved his hand, "Eh, don't worry about it. We all have our demons that haunt us...yours just happened to literally be one. Heh."
So what kind of demons haunt you, human? Besides that annoying voice of yours, that is?
'Ouch, Malice. That sting, it does burn. Heh, besides, didn't you listen earlier, Mallie?'
The HELL'd you call me?! Say that to my face, you ass!
"...Malice, calm down. Fighting won't really do any good."
"Heh, DJ's right...fighting won't really do any good...now, anyway."
...what's that supposed to mean?
'What it means is dinner is getting cold, so get yer rear in gear! Sheesh!'
As they walked along, DJ had to admit Malice's question was something he wondered about as well. Sure, there had been what he'd mentioned about their Queen Chrysalis, but what kinda things could possibly haunt this guy's thoughts? From what he could tell, he was probably the happiest human he'd ever met...next to himself, that is. He seemed healthy, and exceptionally strong if what he'd sensed from their slight mental scuffle was anything to go by. And of course, he had not only the love of one pony but several...a fact which he was still trying to wrap his head around. By all accounts, he couldn't think of a single thing that could be hiding beneath the surface that weighed on Ryan or Dark’s mind.
'Hey, kid.'
'....Malice? How...' DJ thought, noting Ryan and Dark were acting as if they didn't hear him.
'That's because they can't, kid. I'm starting to get the hang of how this works. I'll never admit it to him, but it's probably just from watching that ancient bastard do it since we got here.'
'Okay...but what did you want? Whatever's cooking smells great and the last thing I want is to be last!'
'I'll make it brief...that mental clash? You know I helped them keep you at bay, right?'
'Well, I figured as much...I know how much you were terrified of what I became thanks to that...that nightmare.'
'Well, let's just say that I saw a few things in that brief moment...I don't know what they mean, but being what I am I all too easily could sense the emotions behind them. I mostly said what I did to get a rise out of that bastard Dark, but it would seem Ryan and you are rather alike in terms of heartache.'
'Why the hell are you saying this, anyway? When did you start carrying about me so much? Haha...'
'...kid, I'm only keeping my best interests in line here. Besides, if we do fight that guy, I'd rather it be by choice so that I can best give that annoying pest Dark a taste of my fist!'
'....Malice, we have hooves, remember?'
'W-whatever, kid! Just go eat and try not to be stupid!'
"You okay, DJ? You've been kinda quiet the whole walk here." Ryan turned to his alicorn friend and frowned, "You're not still letting that little moment weigh ya down, are ya?"
DJ shook his head before grinning, "Nope, just...thinking about what's for dinner! What are we having anyway?"
"Ah don't know...usually when we're visiting Cellie and Lunes, they go all out with everypony's favorites." Ryan grinned happily, "Mmmmm, usually for me that means something delicious, like a steak or hamburger...oooh, or one time delicious barbeque pork. Oh it was so tender...mmmm~"
The smaller alicorn's eyes widened at this, "....they...they feed you meat?"
"Uhm, yeah. It's one of the perks of being the Princesses' favorite human." Ryan laughed softly, "Ah mean, Apps and them have a penchant for bacon and pork so Ah occasionally get some from them but....for the most part, Ah get meat when Ah'm here in Canterlot visiting them."
Kid...
"I know....steak?”
Bacon?
"Or dare we say....”
You can't mean...?
"I do! The rare steak bacon with bacon steak?"
Ryan and Dark watched this amusedly before smirking, "Hmmm...tell me...when's the last time you ever had meat, DJ?"
"Probably...before that whole deal with Chrysalis? Something like that...."
"Would you two like to....indulge with us tonight?"
MEAT!
Dark snickered, 'I think that's a yes from Mallie.'
"Ah'll let Cellie and Lunes know you want the Royal treatment." Ryan knelt down before tapping the necklace hanging around DJ’s neck, "Might wanna use this bad boy to change into a human, by the way. Probably better for your stomach if you eat meat as a human and not as a pone."
DJ was snapped out of his dreams of meat when Ryan had tapped his necklace, "How did you....?"
"Figure out that you could probably turn back into a human?" Ryan crossed his arms and laughed, "Come on, man! We might be from different versions of Earth but really? Ya didn't think Ah'd recognize the freakin' Omnitrix of all things? Not sure how ya got it, but that's pretty boss. Ah like that it's more akin to the design older Ben had rather than the original BEN 10 one though. Always did prefer the one where they were older to the one where he was just a bratty little kid."
"Heh...I better be careful around you. You're a lot more observant than I realized."
To this Ryan simply laughed before nodding.
'You and Mallie will see we're just full of tricks.' Dark added, laughing as well, 'Although....I suppose it makes sense to wear it around your neck like that rather than on your foreleg. Less likely to get banged up and probably easier to access in pone form.’'
...this is fun and all, and I do so love to hear you all prattle about like a bunch of gossipy mares...but MEAT! I crave it! So who do I have to kill to get some?
"...."
'....'
"Charming, Malice." Ryan sighed, "If you would go meet with the others in the dining room, Ah'll let Cellie and Lunes know about your choice."
There better be bacon, or I will forcibly crawl out of DJ's skull and bitchslap you till my demands are met!
'My, my, Mallie...so angry. Don't worry, your buddy Darkness has got the hook-up!'
Do you wanna die? Because if so, keep calling me that you 2edgy4me-named jackass!
Ryan and DJ looked at each other, sighed, and face-palmed before heading off their separate paths. As Ryan was explaining things to the Princesses, DJ had settled in before talking to the girls.
"So, DJ, you're a prince, right?"
"That's right, Twilight. The Prince of Magic at that." DJ nodded, "It's not a bad gig...the nobles are a pain in the ass, but oh well. What can you do?"
"So what's the other me like?" Pinkie asked, hopping back and forth behind his chair, "Is she just as crazy and fun?!"
DJ chuckled, "You could say that. In fact, she taught me all I know about doing the special things you can do."
Pinkie's eyes widened before she grinned, "So you're like Rysy-Wysy, eh? Knowing about what's beyond what we see...is that a trend with humans or are you and ours just special like that?"
Black Malice needs meat badly!
"...I'm afraid I'm a bit confused by your other self's outburst." Rarity frowned, "Is he...alright?"
"Well...Ryan promised us something we hadn't had in a while and he's...a bit impatient." DJ sighed, "I suppose it'll be a bit till we're served so anything else ya wanna ask me?"
"...how about family?" Lyra spoke up, "I know Ryan has us now, but still misses his old one on his world. Do you miss yours?"
DJ was silent for a while, making Lyra wonder if she perhaps misspoke, but he quickly responded, "Of course I miss my family. Ever since I got teleported to your Equestria I've been thinking about them."
"Oh." Lyra seemed puzzled, "Well...I really meant more about your human one..."
"..."
"DJ?" AppleJack approached him, "Are you alright?"
DJ gave her a big smile, "Never better! But of course I miss Twilight and the kids."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, yeah...I'm married to my Twilight and we have two kids."
Twilight seemed a bit surprised by this, "I'm...married? Or the other me is? And she has kids?"
Fluttershy furrowed her brow as a thought occurred to her, "W-wait a minute. DJ? You said you're a Prince, yes?"
"Right. And?"
"So then...if you were a human that ended up there, the only way you could become royalty is by marrying so then...does that mean your Twilight is a Princess?"
"Hmmm....I can't say. Just like a lot I can't say since your timeline hasn't caught up yet."
"Tarnation...and ya said ya had kids?"
"That's right, AJ. We've got two lovely, adorable, filled to the brim with energy fillies: Nyx and Scootaloo."
Rainbow's face was one of shock when she heard that, "What? Scootaloo? But why...."
Rainbow...it's best to not ask that one.
"...huh?"
I don't want a repeat of earlier...just know, she's happy.
"Um...okay, Malice. I guess that's fine but...."
And at that point Ryan walked in, helping carrying in some of the food, "Hey ladies, DJ! Are you ready to....what's going on here?"
"Just finding out DJ here is married to his Twilight!"
Ryan eyed T-Sparks oddly before shrugging, "Oh. Is that all?"
Watching him set down the plates he'd been carrying, she stared at him with her mouth wide-opened. Snapping out of it she huffed, "What do you mean "is that all"?"
"Exactly what Ah mean, mah purple horse. Think about it: he introduced himself as DJ Sparkle. Now, Ah don't know about you, but there aren't many pones around here with the last name Sparkle. So, it seemed about right ta guess he and his Twi were linked."
'Right! Anything else?'
Twilight puffed out her cheeks before staring at the ground, "Only that he also apparently has two kids...one of which is Scootaloo."
"Scoots?" Ryan was surprised by that revelation, "Well...that's curious. And the other?"
The kid can tell you after we eat! That smells hella good and I want some now! Feed me, Seymour! Or I'll eat you!
Ryan's eyes narrowed as he looked at DJ and Malice, "That is the most unexpected reference yet...but the simple fact that I get it just floors me. Bravo."
Thank you. I am awesome...but seriously, feed me or die!
'I guess Mallie will be Mallie, eh DJ?'
DJ sighed before smirking, "You don't know the half of it. Anyway, this smells amazing."
"...is that a steakburger wrapped in bacon?" Rarity seemed puzzled, "Did our dear human get things mixed up?"
"Heh...no. No mistake. In fact, our guest asked for this specifically. Now then, lemme see that overcharged necklace of yers in action!"
Finally! Do it, kid!
"You got it! Human Up!"
With that DJ transformed into his human form, complete with shoulder-guard Omnitrix logo of extreme awesomeness to boot. Ryan's eyes were wide in amusement, as were T-Sparks at such a change. The others held various reactions from confused to bewildered before Ryan spoke up, "You'll have to forgive my staring, but it's been a while since Ah saw another human that wasn't just mah reflection in the mirror. Also, you're definitely younger than Ah am. Heh, that whole 'kid' thing makes sense now Ah suppose."
"It's all good." DJ remarked before picking up his steakburger and taking a huge bite out of it, "Oh mother...."
Oooooooh, it's even stuffed with bacon and cheese....mmmmm, delicious red meat~
'Now this Mallie, I like him! He's fun!'
...don't ruin this moment.
Celestia took a moment to collect herself at the random acts that had occurred, "...well, that's certainly something that happened. Either way, it's nice that you're enjoying yourself, DJ."
"Oh, we most certainly are, Princess."
Luna smirked, watching the grease run down his face, "Yes. That is quite apparent. Either way, I trust that everything went well with your tour? I heard that things got a little bumpy."
DJ looked deeply into his burger before frowning, "...there's some rough memories of certain events that were stirred up for me when we saw a certain pony."
"That's putting it lightly." Ryan laughed, nudging DJ with his elbow, "Besides, Ah was there ta help him chill out as it were. So we're all good. Now come on, man! Eat up while it's hot! Wouldn't want that sacrifice to go to waste."
DJ eyed him oddly at this, "...sacrifice?"
"Well...yeah. Didn't you at least wonder slightly how it is they have meat for us or for visitors from species that eat meat?" Ryan looked at his own burger before closing his eyes, "It's something Ah was curious about for a while...till Ah asked Lunes."
"Okay, but still...sacrifice?"
Kid, delicious meat getting cold!
"Shh, Malice. I'm curious what they mean."
'Well, I assume yer Equestria is like ours, right? With sapient cows?'
"Yes..."
'Well, to just get to the point, the reason things like steak and burgers and other products exist is because some cows realize that others gain sustenance from what they are and so chose to give of themselves to the fullest extent.'
"So then you mean...."
"That's right, DJ." Ryan nodded, "We can enjoy something like this because they chose to give us that gift. It's why no matter how crazy Ah get over having that tasty, tasty meat...Ah never forget why it's possible for me to have it. Ah'm sure that sounds a bit heavy and all, but that's how it is. So just make sure you enjoy that to the fullest, partner!"
...kid.
"Okay...what about bacon?"
'Oh, well...pigs aren't sapient here so...still kinda seen as livestock.'
"So just cows, then? Well then, Ah'll make sure not to waste this."
With that DJ dove back into his burger, though perhaps in not as messy a method as before. This was followed by everyone else enjoying their meal and having a peaceful dinner.
Later that evening, they had adjourned to the study to talk more about their worlds as well as share a few facts.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Ryan put up his hands, "Back the train up here...you're telling me on yer Earth this whole world is just some...cartoon?"
"Hey! Keep them tummy rubs coming." Lyra whined until Ryan returned his hands to where they belonged, "Aw yeah. Okay."
"...does that really feel that good? I mean, I know the others back home seem to enjoy that...particularly Lyra but..." DJ shrugged, "Anyway, yeah. This is all a show, oddly enough."
"...Ah highly doubt Ah'm part of it."
"That'd be a no, Ryan. In fact, there are no humans. Most fans of the show like to believe they're a myth from the past or something, though."
'Which is true of this one, seeing as I'm proof of that.'
You're also proof of how stupid they can be, but I suppose that goes without saying.
'So touchy...I think somebody needs a hug~’'
What the...!? Hey! How did you?! Get off me! I'll stab you six ways to Sunday if you don't get out of here now!
"...did...did Dark just...try to soul hug Malice?"
Ryan shrugged, "Felt that way to me...though Ah'm guessing he did more than try by the sounds of things."
'...goodness me, it's a mess up there. You really need to tidy up, Mallie.'
Go fornicate with a rusty pipe, shade-boy.
"He certainly is a crude one, darling."
"You don't know the half of it, Rarity. Still, Dark seems to be ruffling him pretty bad...to be honest, I do find it somewhat amusing."
I hate you, kid.
"I know you mean love." DJ laughed before noting Lyra's eyes staring at him, "...hmm?"
"You ignored me earlier, but DJ...I want to know about your human life." Lyra looked up at Ryan, "We know about Ryers for the most part....and the fact he sincerely wishes he could get some word to his family to let him know he's safe and happy. So...what about yours?"
"...."
"DJ?"
".....they can bucking die for all I care at this point."
"Because the Earth I came from...the place I used to call home...it's a rotting cesspool of nastiness." DJ looked at the ground so intensely it's a surprise a hole didn't form, "And my former family...well, suffice to say, they weren't much to write about."
Lyra seemed a bit stunned, as did the others there, and thus she wasn't sure what to say. That's not to say Ryan wasn't, "Ah can tell it's a sore subject for ya, but the fact is that's not enough to satisfy mah curiosity. From what it seems, yer Earth and mine weren't too different: mine was in a pretty shitty recession that made finding work, let alone finding yer way, pretty dang hard. Add in the fact it seemed that decent people became harder to find amongst all the selfish, careless idiots and well....finding the light amongst the dark was a challenge. It was there...but just not as vocal. And yet....something seems to be missing as to what would make you just out and out hate yer human family."
DJ stared at Ryan before frowning, "...we weren't close. Not really. So when I was given the chance to leave, I took it. Apparently during that time there was a manhunt for me before I guess they gave up..."
When the kid fought...him...we ended up back on his Earth in our human form. Along with an extra passenger.
"Extra passenger?"
"Yes. Our Twilight. My Twilight." DJ barred his teeth, "When I went to actually say goodbye to my family....my mother wanted to hit her and dared to say she kidnapped and brainwashed me when I mentioned we were married. My father wasn't much better...and that was when I disowned them. When I knew that what I had with Twilight and the others was now the only family I needed. One that actually cared and was there and....and so many things."
After this revelation, the group gathered there were speechless. None of them had ever experienced such a thing, after all, having had such warm, caring families as they grew up. And though Ryan's family was just like Apps', T-Sparks', or any of the others, he knew all too well what families that weren't could be like.
"...Ah'm sorry ta hear all that, DJ. Whether ya believe me or not, Ah know what a family like that can be like."
"...somehow I doubt that. I can just tell from how you act and what was said your family was probably like the ones I dreamt about. The ones I didn't get to be a part of till I found my way to Equestria."
Ryan clenched his fist and sighed, "I do...because her family was like that."
...her?
"Yes..."
'Ryan...'
"She was...the one Ah was with before. The one Ah told ya about, Apps."
"Ya mean the gal that just kinda tossed ya aside?"
Ryan nodded slowly, "Indeed. Her family...it's no wonder despite how hard Ah tried to show her what family could be like it was never enough to fight what they did to her. And ultimately, it did things to her that couldn't be stopped. You are right, DJ, that mah family was a good one. After things fell apart with her and she didn't want me anymore, Ah had them to turn to when Ah had ta move back home. They were there for support...they were there for happiness. Especially mah father...he always did what he could to make his kids happy, no matter how old we got."
...hmmmm.
"They were always there no matter what, even when it took me so long to find work again. But they didn't give up. And so it only confirmed what Ah knew about them and how lucky Ah was. And yet..."
DJ seemed perplexed by that, "And yet...what?"
"Ending up here...not able to let them know...and wondering how they're handling all that. Ah know they'd keep looking and not give up for a while, but eventually they would to move on with their lives. Yer story, though...it's a thought Ah've often had about things if Ah ever can contact them again." Ryan looked at his herd and smiled, "Ah'd wanna tell them everything wonderful that's happened to me since Ah got here, including the ones Ah've fallen in love with. Even...even if they might not understand and...and hate me for it. Heh, yer family was upset and Twilight was human with you. Imagine how they could react if Ah told them Ah was in love with not one but multiple mares. In love with sapient ponies. Ah'm sure yer Earth had to be much like mine, where humans were the only sapient ones, right?"
DJ slowly nodded, "Right. So cross-species relationships weren't something that would happen...let alone really could, honestly."
"Save for some deviant extremes that made people go squick." Ryan shook his head, "Ah'm just worried they'd think that not knowing how human-like they all are. Anyway, Ah'm truly sorry ta hear that yer human family wasn't all that great, but Ah am happy ta hear ya found the family you were searching for. Besides—"
DJ seemed a bit surprised when Ryan had gotten up and placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked at him curiously, unsure as to what he was up to.
"—as long as yer here, Ah think it's pretty safe to assume we want ya ta feel like yer part of our family too. It's just seems like the right thing to do ta me, like we're meant ta help ya or something ya know? So until we find a way to help ya home, know we're there for ya."
"Ryan..."
Everyone there was smiling happily at the scene...before looking about at a retching noise being made.
Blech! Such sentimental bullshit! You guys are literally making me ill with all this happy, touchy-feely talk!
'Oh come on, Mallie! We all know you'd love to be considered my brother!'
Like hell I do, shade-boy! I'd rather cut off my own tail than ever be considered kin to you! Hell! I'd probably cut off your tail too!
"Malice...he's not a pone. That won't work."
Details, details! I'd find a tail to cut off somehow!
'....that sounds incredibly painful.'
GOOD!
DJ shook his head before laughing, "Well then, that aside, I hope that answers your question Lyra."
"It does, DJ. Sorry."
"No, no, it's okay." DJ waved his hoof and smiled, "I should've known you'd keep on pushing for the answers you wanted. Just like the Lyra back home. Anyway...I'm feeling pretty tired so..."
"Well, seeing as the Princesses are still busy with their work, we can lead ya to the guest room. It's right next to ours so ya won't feel lonely."
'Heh, ya hear that? If you start to feel lonely, I'm just right next door Mallie-kun~"
...lock the door, kid. In fact, lock our mind at that. I don't need another soul moment with that weird, old bastard.
'Oooooh~ Such hurtful words from you. It's okay, I know that's how you show love.'
"Right...love...highly doubt Malice can show that but...anyway..."
"Right. Follow us, DJ."
Later that night, Ryan awoke from his sleep to the sound of a closing door. Sleepily opening his eyes he took a glance downwards, smiling at the pile of mares sleeping around and on him. They were all there, but he knew he heard a door open.
'...DJ?'
Ryan simply made a quiet noise in reply to Dark's suggestion before he closed his eyes and focused on something. Noting that a certain source of magic was not in the room next door, he had to wonder just where the alicorn could've gone.
'The bathroom?'
Ryan shook his head before sighing, "No, Dark...just...no."
After talking with him, Ryan wasn't completely untrusting of DJ but he still wasn't too sure how much to trust him wandering about at night by himself. He gave AppleJack a gentle rub to wake her.
"Hmmm? Whasa matter, Apple Ryder?"
"DJ's gone. Ah can't sense him in his room, Apps." He began waking the others, noting it'd probably be a good idea to go find him.
"Gone? What do you mean?"
"Exactly what Ah said, T-Sparks. Ah was woken up by the sound of a closing door and when Ah went to sense his magic signature, he wasn't next door like he should've been. He doesn't seem a threat, but Ah don't trust leaving him alone in the castle. Outdoors was one thing while we were awake but..."
Pinkie instantly popped up awake, "Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go find him!"
With a nod the group set out from their room to investigate and wandered about the moonlit halls only to find little sign of the blue alicorn. Eventually, they ended up outside of the throne room of all places. Noting Luna was probably up right now, they knocked before filing in.
"Well now, this a surprise. What brings you all here, Darkness?"
'Somepony is missing.'
"Yes, Princess. It would seem we can't find our new alicorn friend." Rarity remarked, "Our human isn't sure whether that's a good or bad thing at the moment."
"You haven't seen him, have you?"
"Unfortunately, Pinkie, I have not. Hmm, this worries me. While our talks at dinner make it seem as if he is of an okay sort, I have more questions than answers when it comes to him. Now wherever could he—"
"Look! Look! There he is!"
Turning their heads at Pinkie's shouting, they could see DJ standing on the upper balcony. They began to move towards him, but stopped when they heard him talking.
"...don't blame yourself, Twilight. You didn't mean for this to happen, so please don't do that to yourself."
DJ was staring intently at the moon and starry sky, the first signs of tears tracing down from his eyes, "I-I wish I was there for you, that's all I truly want. Just to be by your side forever, keeping our kids safe and watching them grow into the great mares I know they will be. B-But...I'll find my way home! I swear it!"
With that DJ hung his head and now the others could clearly see the tears streaming down as they fell and struck the balcony tiles.
"No matter what, I will always be with you. When you feel the love that we share, I'm already there."
That was when things got just a bit strange, as Ryan and the others could hear the sound of a piano playing in the background. It was just loud enough to hear, but what was even more curious was that DJ began to sing through his tears, singing out into the star blanketed night.
He called her on the road from a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say, "I love you one" more time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughin' in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
Said, "Daddy when you comin' home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know, I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there
Ryan could feel a few tears of his own forming, DJ's singing pulling at his heart strings. Glancing down at the weight he felt on his leg, he could see Apps leaning against him, her own tears causing her to sniffle. Looking at the rest of his herd, he could see each of them beginning to be affected by DJ's singing. Even Luna and Dark felt the sorrow in his words, tears coming to them as well. Ryan glanced back to DJ, who still hadn't noticed they were there, as he kept singing from the heart.
She got back on the phone
Said, "I really miss you darlin'"
"Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright
Wish I was in your arms, lyin' right there beside you"
"But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes"
I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shinin' down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there 'til the end
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh I'm already there
We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there 'til the end
Can you feel the love that we share?
Oh I'm already there
Oh I'm already there
When DJ finished the song, tears freely falling, he looked to the moon and stars, "I love you. Twilight, Nyx, Scootaloo, and you too little bro. I love you all so much."
After that he bowed his head and wept. At this, Ryan couldn't take it anymore. He strode forward, got down low behind DJ, and pulled the pony into a hug. DJ was startled at the contact, but just let himself be hugged.
"We're gonna getcha home, partner. Ah promise we'll do everything we can."
DJ, however, simply sat there looking to the promising night. He heaved a sigh, "There's a saying back where I come from. Don't make promises you can't keep."
With that DJ pulled himself from Ryan's embrace and walked away, not even stopping to acknowledge the group of mares as he pushed by them. Ryan moved over to where the girls were as they watched DJ trot off, his head hung low in despair.
Seeing him like this, and thinking on his words, Ryan could only ball up his fist as his mind drifted, "Ah already let one person down...so Ah'll be damned if Ah let anymore promises get broken. Even if ya don't believe me, DJ....when Ah make a promise, Ah'll see it through to the end."
Knowing it was quite late at this point, Ryan turned to his herd before motioning back towards their room, "...let's get back to sleep, ladies. For now, that's all we can do."
'Ryan...'
'Ah know, Dark...he's doing what Ah do. So it's no surprise that he's hiding a pretty big hurt.'
'If anyone can help him, I know it's you, Ry. Now come on, let's get some sleep.'
A few hours later...
Ryan awoke to see it was still night out and he heaved a sigh as he could tell DJ was not where he belonged again either. Deciding not to bother his herd this time, he slowly slithered out from beneath them before leaving the room and trying to figure out where he could've gone this time. As he walked, he tried to put himself in DJ's shoes...hooves. Whichever. The case being he tried to think where he'd wander off to if he was DJ. Unfortunately he got too lost in thought and ended up colliding right into Luna before landing on the floor, her underneath him.
"Oh my!" Luna snickered, "Darkness...if you two wanted a little snuggle time with me you only had to ask."
'That's my Woona!'
"Lunes..." Ryan sighed, his cheeks flushing at her teasing words, "Sorry fer bumpin' into ya but...DJ's wandering again."
"...is that so?" Luna took Ryan's offered hand as he helped her up, "The night guard did tell me they had seen him wandering near the kitchen, but upon checking there it seems nopony has been there since dinner yesterday."
"So he's somewhere around there then, eh?" Ryan waited for a moment before a thought occurred, "Ah think Ah know where he might be. If his world doesn't give him access to meat, then there might be something else he hasn't gotten a real taste of in a while as well."
Luna seemed puzzled, but followed behind him nonetheless as he wound past the kitchen and towards...
"...the R.D.I.L.?" She followed him down the stairs, "Why would he want anything down here?"
"Think about it, Lunes: if you were feeling a bit stressed, and needed something to relax with..."
'Then I would think anything down here would be more than capable of doing such, dear Woona.'
"And from what I can assume, DJ would be most curious as to how the potency of our brews stack up compared to his world." Ryan noted a rattling noise and, sure enough, as they reached the bottom of the stairs and turned a corner, there was DJ holding a bottle and grinning from ear to ear, "See? What did Ah tell ya? Judging by his reaction, Ah think he approves of what we have….perhaps a bit too much."
"Yo-ho-yo-ho, a pirate's life for me~"
Ryan walked over and couldn't help cracking a smile, "Drinking up, me hearty?"
"Quite so. You might find this hard to believe, good sir, but this is the first time I have ever, ever been drunk. And I must say...I kinda like it."
'What...what do you mean by that?'
It's simple, shade-boy! The booze on our world? It's all weak-ass stuff that couldn't get yer granny loaded!
"...so 5% like a hard lemonade or something?" Ryan asked, watching as DJ nursed a bottle of what appeared to be high-grade rum.
If we could be so lucky! We were lucky if we found something that was one percent! Seriously, do you know how frustrating it can get to be in a world like that, no longer my magnificent human self, and not be able to get drunk as a skunk to forget such crimes against humanity?!
"Malice, buddy...you gotta relax some." DJ laughed softly, "But he does speak the truth. Indeed, the booze on our world is very, very weak. What we would find on our Earths, dear Ryan, would kill a pony according to my Twilight. That hard lemonade would just be murder on them!"
With that DJ took another big gulp of the bottle before giggling drunkenly. Ryan turned to look at Luna before they both looked at the pile of bottles sitting around him, "...how long have you been drinking?"
"Oh....why count? Time has no meaning when the bottles dance around us. I'm simply soaking it all in...me hearty."
Ryan sighed at the laughing that followed that before taking the bottle away from him, "Okay, DJ, Ah think that might be enough."
"Oh, I beg to differ."
"Wha?" Ryan looked to see the bottle was back in his hoof despite neither one of them having moved, "How did...?"
"It appeared as if the bottle simply teleported of its own will into his hoof." Luna narrowed her eyes, "Darkness..."
'I think I know what's going on, here...try it again, Ry.'
Giving a shrug, Ryan took the bottle again and then like magic, it happened once more.
'Thought so...Ry? He's using the means beyond.'
"Oh. Well that'll be easy to fix." Ryan remarked, taking the bottle again.
Luna could only sigh, "And what do you plan...to...do...?"
She had to blink as one moment, they were in their positions, and then in another the bottle was smashed on the ground while DJ was rubbing his head while groaning, "Aie-yah. I didn't quite like that. And was it necessary to do so with those two fingers?"
"Hey, if it worked for Uncle, it works fer me." Ryan snickered, "Besides, now Ah know why he always did that. It's fun!"
DJ could only sigh as he looked at the broken bottle, "The rum...why is it always the rum?"
Why do you do this to me, Darkness? Do you like seeing me suffer? This is the first time in...ever that we can finally reach inebriated bliss and yer acting such a damn buzzkill!
'Hmmm...didn't know it meant so much to you, Mallie.'
"And actually..." Ryan noted the searching eyes of DJ as he perused the other racks lining the walls, "You do seem to be enjoying yerselves."
'That's leaves us with the one option, then!'
Ryan clapped his hands together before grinning, "Right! We're just gonna have to enjoy this fine, fine assortment with you so you don't get into trouble!"
Luna facehoofed immediately, "...Darkness, you know I love you still, but that sounds really dumb."
'Oh Woona, come now! Do you not recall our fun times? Besides, I have to share the special rainbow booze with my new pal, Mallie.'
...Rainbow booze. For once, shade-boy, you actually say something I'm glad I listened to. Is it strong?
Those there could feel Dark's grin it was so strong in his voice, 'Oh yeah...like getting sucker-punched by the sun and the moon at the same time before they both go to town on you....but enough about those old nights in the castle. Hahahaha.'
...I am somewhat sickened, but curious.
'That's the spirit!'
DJ blinked before feeling a bit odd, "...how does Dark do that?"
"Hmmm?"
"Like before...when he somehow gave Malice a "soul hug"."
Ryan simply shrugged before grabbing a glowing beverage from behind a few others and popping it open, "Dark does what Dark wants. Ah could never figure him out, even when Ah thought he was just simply a character Ah came up with back on mah Earth. Now then...why let them be the only ones to indulge in the colorful libations?"
Pouring the beverage into two shot glasses, Ryan paused before glancing to Luna, "Lunes? Would you care to join us? Ah can only imagine that this particular blend of Spectrum is probably pretty potent since it's been down here in the R.D.I.L. for who knows how long."
"...as tempting as that may be, I'm afraid I must pass, my dear human. One of us has to stay sober so you don't do something completely ridiculous."
"Understood. We'll try to keep it calm. Haha." With that he handed one of the shot glasses to DJ before laughing, "Time to kiss the Rainbow!"
'To us, Mallie!'
I can think of worse reasons to drink! Let's see what kinda kick this shit has!!
DJ leaned against Ryan before shaking his head, "...I'm telling you, man. I have screwed up so bad in the past."
"Dude, dude! Ah know what yer gonna say and Ah've been there too!"
“Really? You’re responsible for over one hundred deaths, including three friends, too?”
"...well, Ah wouldn't exactly say that. At least, Ah'm not carrying that many demons on mah back. Ah do have the thing with Chrissy, like Ah said...and plenty of things from back home that still eat at me at times." Ryan looked at the empty bottle of Spectrum sadly, "And, of course, all the ache Ah feel from Dark....odds are, he's closer to that statement of yers than anyone."
...this true, shade-boy? Huh? Hey!
That was in response to Dark leaning against Malice in their strange soul space and not budging.
Are you stupid or just have a death wish, Dark?
'...shut it, Mallie. For once in the brief time we've been around each other, quit being such a whiny bitch and deal with what I'm doing.' Dark groaned, '...Ryan's right. I know that kind of pain, DJ.'
"....how? From the way you act...."
'...it's no different than you. Hell, even Ryan does it. I wouldn't be too surprised if Mallie here ever did the same. We're far more alike than we might think.' Dark cleared his throat, closing his eyes as he thought.
...he's getting more relaxed on me. If I wasn't so drunk, and that weird rainbow booze he gave me wasn't so good, I'd probably be getting more annoyed and creeped out by this.
Dark snickered, 'Then why aren't you, Mallie-kun?'
Perhaps I'm curious to hear about your pain, Dark. It would...amuse me to hear of your suffering.
'Heh...right, right. Anyway...hundreds dead including friends? Been there...done that. I was helpless to stop my master's death, I couldn't stop the madness that took over my friend Cordy, which led to so much death and sadness. I couldn't save myself from him, thus dooming the mare that I love to becoming lost in her anger and jealousy and getting banished for so very long. The friend I left behind, who tried so hard to find a way to bring me back...only to be lost to the evils of our world. The one I had to kill with my own hand...to save him. I've seen more death than I ever wanted to and been helpless to stop the spread of sorrow. I did so much good...but it just never was enough.'
Ryan closed his eyes too, as he and DJ slumped against each other in their drunken states, "Ah've never heard him talk like this before...what did you guys drink besides Spectrum?"
...I might've added it to some one-hundred percent moonshine of mine. That's the rumor.
"Are you mad, Malice? How could you even stomach something that strong?" DJ blinked a bit to focus his eyesight, "That's probably lethal with how you were drinking."
'...s'okay. As souls, we're a bit more...flexible.' Dark grumbled, sniffling a bit.
Jackass, don't get tears on my jacket. But wait...Cordy?
'Discord...'
DJ frowned at this, "You knew him back then? Hmmm...it would seem all those past events were quite messed up for you, huh?"
"From what he tells me, they were." Ryan remarked, "So, what about you? You know about the fights we had in the past, how we've dealt with events that you know of from that show version of things....so tell me, DJ: what exactly happened with Sombra that causes such a reaction as the one from earlier? How do your version of events with that whole thing go?"
DJ took a deep breath before focusing, "It was not during his original conquest....but sometime after."
"Oh, so you mean after T-Sparks becomes a princess?"
"Yes I—wait, what?"
Ryan chuckled softly, "Oh come on. Ah'm sure mah herd almost figured it out after the bit with you being married to your Twilight, but it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots from you being a human before to marrying Twilight to suddenly being a Prince."
"Hmmm....I see your point, Ryan, though that’s not the only reason I’m a prince. I counter with....don't be a smartass."
"It's better to be a smartass than a dumbass, DJ. Remember that. Haha. Anyway, you were saying?"
DJ sighed, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling. “...I failed her.”
“...her? Who is this her you failed?”
“...Scootaloo. I failed Scootaloo.”
Ryan scrunched his face up in thought for a moment or two until a thought came to to him, “...wait. Are you saying that yer encounter with Sombra has something ta do with why Scoots is yer daughter?”
Sombra’s the reason Scoots lives with us. It was that same reason that made the kid put that damn bastard in the ground.
“So then...oh. Oh. Oh no. If Ah’m taking what you two are saying right, then...okay. Hold on. So Ah’m right in assuming Scoots has parents in yer reality, right?”
DJ sighed, “...had parents.”
Ryan frowned, “Damn. Really was hoping Ah wasn’t right on that. So Sombra...he killed them? But...why?! Why would he focus on her of all ponies? Were you guys not in the Frozen North?”
“...we were.”
“So then how…”
“It was because of me.”
Ryan wasn’t sure what that meant, but Dark had a pretty good idea on that one, ‘....he killed them because you fought him, didn’t he? You interfered, he didn’t like that, and he made you suffer for it in a way even worse than just injuring you.’
“Mah God…” Ryan quietly gasped at such a revelation, “Ah’d ask if Dark was right, but considerin’ ya ain’t saying he’s wrong...Ah’m sorry, partner.”
“...He wanted me as a weapon. To join him, but I couldn’t do it. He made both of us watch as he burned Scootaloo’s house to the ground, her parents screaming as they were burned alive. He wanted to break me… and he succeeded.” DJ scowled heavily, gritting his teeth.
The most surprising thing, however, was that his hooves were sparking with electricity. Ryan was slightly surprised by this, and Dark took note too. Unsure of what to do, and not wanting DJ to start getting lost in his anger again like earlier, Ryan finally did something. He hugged him and didn’t let go, “Ah can’t imagine much what that had ta be like. Ah mean, when Ah thought Trixie had killed Dark Ah broke and that’s when mah Elemental Sync finally emerged but...don’t ask me why, but seeing the anger taint yer heart like this just pains me for some reason. Ah know we haven’t known each other for all that long, but something about that just bothers me. Ah can tell yer a good guy, so perhaps that’s why Ah’d hate to see darkness seep into yer heart like that.”
‘Especially since I think Mallie’s dark enough for ya, but he’s a super-duper special case.’
“...do you mind, Dark? Ah’m trying to have a moment with mah fellow hero.”
“I am no hero, Ryan. A hero would mourn Sombra, he would regret having to kill him. Me? I wish I could go back and make him suffer. I want to see that pony writhing in pain at my feet, begging me to end him. I made it too quick, he should have gotten a lot worse than a severed horn and a sword through his skull. There is no remorse or regret that I feel towards that monster. And you know what? I eagerly accept that darkness into my heart, arms open wide.”
Ryan blinked, breaking the hug as he looked at DJ for a moment. Eventually his brow furrowed as if he was greatly annoyed, “You idiot!”
With that Ryan wound back and slugged him right in the muzzle, watching as the alicorn careened across the ground at the unexpected attack.
What the hell, human?!
“Would you so easily head down a path that might not only destroy you, but all those ya hold dear? Are ya stupid or something? Do you have a death wish?” Ryan was quite flustered by DJ’s callous disregard for his own soul, “Even after hearing what Ah have about how things went with your Sombra, there ain’t much reason to mourn the guy.”
‘...Ryan’s right.’ Dark cleared his throat as he collected himself, ‘I mourn Sombrero because he actually was a decent guy and friend whose heart led him toward, sadly, something that wished to manipulate him. Even...even with what I’ve read that he did, he never did anything as despicable as what your Sombra did.’
...shade-boy?
‘As far as I’m concerned, that bastard got what he deserved. He could have easily just lived out his life elsewhere seeing as for all y’all knew, he was dead. But no...’ Dark growled, ‘He chose to come back and begin the madness again. Even heroes, when pushed to the breaking point, must make decisions like yours. If you hadn’t done what you did, then many more innocent pones could’ve died. But Ryan is right...nothing good ever comes from the darkness and its lies.’
Heh, after meeting you, Dark, I can certainly agree to that.
‘Mallie? Now’s not the time for jokes. Even heroes have to do things that might seem severe. Digging into Ryan’s memories, what about this Son Goku fellah? He was a hero that even tried to grant mercy to….what was his name? Freezer? Freeza? Something like that. He did...and that idiot wasted it. So Goku had to kill him. He was left with no choice, as otherwise he’d just come after other innocents to try and get to Goku.’
“That’s...actually kinda a good comparison since both villains did something unforgivable, causing the hero to go beyond anything they even knew they were capable of. Anyway, Ah am sorry Ah had ta hit ya like that, but to hear you just so easily dismiss the darkness certainly shows you lack experience that only comes with age.” Ryan rubbed his temples, letting out a sigh as well, “Would her parents want you to talk like that, DJ? Would they want to hear the one who has taken in and become a father to their daughter so happily embracing the very thing that took them from her?! Are you that blind?! Did Kingdom Hearts teach you nothing?!”
So, you’d rather I just not exist?! Is that what you’re saying!? Listen to me, you pricks! If it wasn’t for me, the kid never would have made it as far as he has. It was my power that pushed him beyond his limit against Sombra. It was me who helped win the Revolution by nearly killing Chrysalis! Hell, without me DJ never would even have gone to Equestria! How dare you say he never should have accepted me!
There was a bit of silence after Malice’s angry ranting, until Dark decided to speak up, ‘You’re an idiot too!’
A thunk noise was heard as Dark apparently tackled Malice to the ground after attempting to punch him as well, ‘You go on and on about being so “dark” and “evil” and all that when you don’t know what real darkness is like. The kinda darkness that can truly exist, the kind that given the chance would completely destroy a person; compared to that, Mallie ol’ pal, yer practically a saint. That is what we’re talking about. You might not be the nicest or the most tactful person at times, but without you DJ wouldn’t be where he is today.
‘You and I are alike in those regards, my friend, as Ryan wouldn’t be where he is today either without my assistance. For no matter how “dark” you claim to be, the simple fact that you’ve done yer best to help DJ instead of corrupt and destroy him shows that you aren’t the kinda darkness we’re worried about. That you are different from the same kinda darkness that someone like Sombra was. Besides...’ Dark grinned, ‘If you didn’t exist, we couldn’t be friends, and that would just break my heart, Mallie-kun~. If yer still hung up on it, think of yerself like that comic book hero dude, what was his name?’
“The Punisher?”
‘Right! Thanks, Ry. Anyway, yer like that, Mallie. A good guy that’s not afraid of doing what’s needed, not because he’s dark or evil or anything, but because he knows that sometimes the most straight-forward decision is the only one when it comes to certain foes.’
Malice was silent for a moment and then began to laugh. Who the hell do you think I am?! I am darkness! We are not alike, shade-boy, because you were your own person before you joined Ryan; I was not! I am DJ! I am everything that he is and was, only without anything to hold me back, such as morals or honor. And if you think for one moment that I wouldn’t destroy the kid if I could, then you are dumber than I ever thought possible!
Before either Dark or Ryan could respond, DJ spoke, “And I would have done the same, but neither of us can destroy the other. When I accepted my darkness, when I allowed Malice to live, we made a blood pact, binding us for all of time, meaning that if one dies, so does the other. He wouldn’t hesitate to kill me, nor would I him. But I need that darkness, for without it, I wouldn’t have the power I do. Without my darkness, Sombra wouldn’t have been killed, Chrysalis wouldn’t be rotting away in prison, and, more importantly, Nyx wouldn’t have a father! And before you ask, yes, they know I think like this, and both Twilight and Nyx know what I am going through. And so does my mother, yet they still care about me!”
“Then yer an incredibly lucky man with a very supportive family. While Ah am curious about that bit about Chrysalis...you say that Malice is a part of you and not his own being? Hmmm…”
‘...that’s it!’
Ryan seemed perplexed by Dark’s outburst, “Dark...what is “it”?”
‘Something that’s been bugging me about Mallie ever since he first made himself known. There’s been a residual chaotic energy about him that I can’t shake the feeling I know. It seems familiar but weird.’
“Chaotic? You don’t mean….” Ryan took a moment to think on it, “Wait. DJ? Does your Discord have something to do with Malice?”
DJ raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Of course he does. I originally described Malice as my ‘discorded self’, didn’t I? Discord is the reason Malice is sapient. If I had never been discorded, then Malice would simply have stayed as my darkest thoughts and dreams.
In all reality, though, I was a fuck up. My sapience was not the intended result, but hey I’m not complainin’. At least the kid’s mom was smart enough to know not to banish me like she did her sister.
“It’s more than likely due to what happened between her and Nyx, so at least she’s learned from her mistakes.”
‘Well yes, you did mention that but...you’ll have to forgive me as I didn’t know humans could get discorded. That’s why when our Cordy went bonkers, he chose to get rid of them as a spiteful move just before we beat him. He couldn’t turn them, so he wanted them out of the way for good.’
“Ah know it sounds weird, but Dark’s telling the truth. Cellie explained it as something ta do with how their hearts were? It was kinda odd since she couldn’t clearly explain it, but that’s why we didn’t exactly put two and two together here.” Ryan shrugged, “To be honest, he tried to discord me too when we first fought...and failed. Ah always did wonder why that was, but recently a few curious tidbits came to light that helped explain it. Although...Ah think Ah’m starting to see how to look at you and Malice in a way that makes sense.”
“Heh, that’s a first. Most think I don’t make sense at all! After all, I’m a prince of Equestria, husband to Twilight Sparkle, the father of Nightmare Moon, the son of Celestia, best friend of Discord, destroyer of Sombra, and bringer of peace between Equestria and the Changelings. Very little about me makes sense, so good on ya! And to be fair, I did ask Discord to perform the spell on me, so Malice is my fault on all levels.”
“Haha, that’s quite a list there partner. In fact, Ah’m not really sure where to start with the things Ah didn’t know of from before, but like Ah said, the way Ah see it yer kinda like what would happen if someone used the Tiger Talisman but they didn’t split in half. So yer both one in the same, so to speak.” Ryan laughed, “It might seem a bit childish using an old cartoon like that for reference, but ta me that’s the best way to understand how you two are. Which basically means that you and Malice? Yer just human….er...well, you get what Ah mean. Yer not exactly dark and not exactly light because, let’s face it, humans are both. So perhaps Ah was worried about ya for no reason...the kinda darkness yer talking about isn’t what Ah thought ya meant. Like Ah said, Ah don’t know why, but something just tells me to watch out for ya. Not really sure what ta call it, outside of a gut feelin’. Heh, and Ah’m all about making sense of the nonsensical, so it doesn’t surprise me Ah’m the first to, uhm, “get you” as it were. Hahahahaha.”
“Heh, you certainly are full of surprises, Ryan. You’re doing better than Queen Insectum, though. She nearly fainted when I listed those off to her. And you know? I’m getting a familiar feeling about you, too. It’s almost like when I’m around my big brother, Macintosh, although with a lot more crazy.”
“Wait...yer big bro is Mac? Yer...yer Apple kin too?” Ryan snickered, “Oh God...Ah’m considered kin too, ever since Ah first showed up here. In fact, the Apples were the ones to take me in when Ah just “poofed” here. So wait….If yer part of the Apple clan and Ah’m considered part of it then….sweet pony Jesus.”
‘Hahahahahahaha, that means we’re practically brothers, Mallie-kun! I knew we were destined to be close friends, but never like this!’
...Damn it kid!! How many ponies are you gonna end up related to by the end of this!? And I’m not your friend, ya pitiful imitation of Master Roshi! Friendship means nothing to me!
‘So you keep saying, and yet here we are pal! And besides, from what I’ve seen in Ryan’s memories, Roshi would be lucky to be one-tenth what I am! If anything, I’m more like that Dandy fellow from space! ‘Cept my booty is way more amazing!’ Dark waved his rear before striking a pose to accentuate that fact, ‘Now then! Seeing as we’ve discovered that we’re related in a cosmic way, I say we celebrate!’
Ryan laughed quietly before standing up, “Mah thoughts exactly, partner.”
“...what are you doing?” DJ asked, wobbly standing up to follow him, “Where are you going?”
“...to the secret reserve.” With that Ryan went into a back room before pulling out a very bright, glowing container shaped like a cloud.
‘....Oh my GOD! That’s it!’
...what is it?
‘...there’s no denying it! That bright color, the vivid sparkle, the fact it’s in that container!’ Dark grabbed Malice and grinned with glee, ‘That which Ryan holds in his hands, my friend, is none other than the true rainbow booze. If you thought Spectrum was the shit...wait till ya get a load of this!’
...you have my attention again, shade-boy.
“Ah had a feeling that’s what this was. Nice ta see Ah was right.”
DJ stared wide-eyed at the glowing cloud bottle, “...is it...is it safe for us to drink this? Also, where did it come from? From what Dark was saying, I figured it didn’t exist anymore.”
‘Best I can figure, the only reason we’ve got a lovely bottle of Vibgyor there is it’s from way back when…which means it’s been aging for a millennia.’ The sound of Dark drooling could be heard briefly.
Hey! Not on the jacket ya screwball!
“...that didn’t answer the other question.”
‘Relax! When I was alive I drank the stuff and was fine. Not sure what it’ll do to you guys, but let us get this party started!’
With that Ryan and Dark poofed up some shot glasses, poured out the very sparkly and mesmerizing liquid, and then turned to their newly acquired brethren.
“To family!”
Author's Note
With great joy, we now bring you the fruits of our cross-dimensional labor!
Yes! And we hope that you are enjoying the expanded detailing of just what all happened when DJ decided to crash face-first into our reality.
But this is only the beginning...
Yer damn right it is!
...Mallie? What are you doing in here?
Can't let you have all the limelight there, shade-boy! Now hurry up and get that second chapter done! My glory needs to be shown by kicking your sorry ass all over the place!
Oh Mallie-kun, such a kidder~
Either way, we hope yer enjoying the start of this and look forward to more to come!
