Smart Nags, Trashy Books

by psycher7

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life
Length: 1188

What do two sophisticated mares talk about at the spa? Mass-market clop, of course!

What do two sophisticated mares talk about at the spa? Mass-market clop, of course!

Just a little thousand or so word dribble for my first story here. The "Comedy" tag is meant less as laugh-out-loud funny, and more lighthearted and hope you get a chuckle out of it.

Published 2014-09-15 03:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-15 03:10:08 UTC

Smart Nags, Trashy Books

Twilight sighed in contentment as she slid into the hot tub and let the scented waters soak away her remaining aches and stress. “Thank you again for inviting me, Rarity!”

The other pony in the tub waved a hoof. “Not at all, darling. I’d hate to see this appointment go to waste, and with Fluttershy having to negotiate that water rights business between Applejack and those beavers, I’m glad I could find somepony who would take me up on it.”

“I just hope I didn’t embarrass Aloe as much as I did myself,” Twilight said, looking at her still-semi-stiff wings sheepishly.

“Oh, not at all. She’s a professional, after all.”

“Rainbow had warned me that getting preened could be a bit…sensuous. I just didn’t realize how much.”

Rarity giggled. “Nothing to worry about. I’m sure she’s seen it all. But, since we’re on the subject…” Her eyes narrowed craftily. “Any quick trips up to the Crystal Empire? Perhaps another run-in with that cute pegasus?”

Twilight blushed furiously. “No!” Rarity arched one eyebrow, clearly not accepting that as the whole truth and nothing but. “I really haven’t. Okay, so I guess he’s sorta good looking” – ignoring the incredulous murmurs of “guess?!” and “sorta?!” from the white unicorn – “but there should be more to it! He, or at least the other one in that weird mirror universe, was pretty nice. I just don’t really think I’m ready for that sort of thing right now. He’s way up north with his job, I’m down here and all of this new stuff to worry about,” she explained, glancing at her wings. “I’ll admit. There’s definitely an attraction. Probably even a mutual one. But at this time, I don’t think it will work.”

Sinking her muzzle beneath the water, Rarity let out a sigh that turned into a string of bubbles. “All right, darling, I understand. I still think you’re crazy for letting such a fine piece of stallion slip your bridle, but you do have a lot on your plate, as it were.” She smirked, clearly not done with the teasing yet. “Perhaps I should head north myself?”

Twilight Sparkle shot up nearly to her fetlocks. Yup, that got a reaction. “What? You don’t want him at the moment. And I’m still not happy that you didn’t even introduce your very fetching Royal Guard captain brother until he was already engaged.”

Twilight snorted as she relaxed back down under the water. “Yeah, because my BBBFF was off-limits. Even to my friends. Especially to my friends; it took me by surprise that even Cadance was good enough.”

“But whatever do you mean, Twilight? Hadn’t you ever wanted to see your brother matched up with one of your best friends? Applejack certainly believes in that principle.” Twilight looked at her quizzically. Rarity shook her head. “For such a smart pony, for – to use Rainbow Dash’s terminology – an egghead, you really don’t have a clue, do you? Applejack is almost obsessed with seeing Big Mac and Fluttershy get together.”

Twilight goggled. “But…can you imagine the conversations they’d have? ‘Um, is this okay?’ ‘Eeeyup.’ ‘Eeep! I’m sorry.’”

Rarity laughed at the imitations of her friends. “Yes, that’s about the sum of it. They might get along, but I don’t see it. They each need somepony nice who won’t walk all over them, but bit more in the decision-making department.

“So.” Her gaze turned downright greedy. “Is it in yet?”

Twilight grinned. “My saddlebag.”

Rarity reached out with her magic and slipped a rectangular bulge from Twilight’s bag. “Ooooh yeah, come to mama…” The cover read Princess of Passion in a flowing golden script and featured an impossibly curvy alicorn swooning in the arms of a just-as-impossibly muscular stallion, surrounded by lush foliage and purple flowers. Rarity sped through the description on the jacket flaps. “Hmm, I wonder if new guard sergeant and gold-hearted rogue Tried & True will tame the fiery rebellious princess Blossomlips and win her flank – I mean, her heart.” She winked at Twi. “I also wonder if in the next month I shall eat hay, Pinkie Pie will throw a party, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders will end up covered in tree sap.” Twilight could no longer contain herself and burst out laughing.

“Although I must say, I didn’t figure you one for saddlerippers, darling.”

Twi pushed her hooves together and looked at them bashfully. “Well, I do love books. And back at CSGU, the other fillies started passing them around in secret, and since I read so fast they wanted me to tell them which were good. Not that I had any idea at first…”

“Which one did they start you with?”

The princess leaned back and sighed in nostalgia. “The Blade, the Wind, and the Crown.”

Rarity nodded. “Ah yes, good ole’ Plati-plot. That scene two-thirds of the way through when Princess Platinum and Sir Steelheart finally initiate Commander Hurricane into their herd? Oh, my,” she said, fanning herself.

“Uh huh. I practically lived in my dorm that week, it was the closest I ever got to missing an assignment prior to that Smarty Pants incident. And afterwards, I swear, Celestia winked at me! No idea how she knew, but she knew!

“Of course, Mother didn’t approve of my choice in reading material. When she found out, I couldn’t sit down comfortably for a couple of days. First time since before I got my cutie mark that happened.” Rarity giggled while Twilight made a face.

“But wasn’t it put out by her own publishing company?”

“Didn’t matter to Mom. And then a few months later when I found her personal collection–! My flank was sore for over a week that time.” The white unicorn laughed uproariously.

“A few years later, when she caught me sneaking back from the bookstore…”

Rarity’s laughter cut off. “Uh, she didn’t get a crop, did she?” This was suddenly less harmless teasings over foalhood embarrasments and veering towards revelations of foal abuse. Not that she would have ever thought it of Twilight Velvet, a very kind if fussy mare.

“No, she gave me a manuscript and a red pen. Said if I was going to read ‘filth’ I should at least be doing something constructive, so she made me a part-time editor.” That set off another round of Rarity’s peeling laughter.

“Only you, dear Twilight. Only you. So. This new one, is it good?”

The alicorn grinned. “Page 102. That could wrap up winter by itself.”

“I can’t wait! But Twilight, do remember that even the best book is no substitute for the real thing. So if you really want to play ‘Princess and Guardspony’…”

“YOU!” Twi half-heartedly splashed at her, not wanting to get the book wet. Rarity floated it back over away from the water and the two of them hoofed water at each other until dissolving into giggling relaxed carefree mares, quite enjoying their afternoon off with a truly good friend and a badly good book.

Author's Note

Trying to get used to this site's formatting, it might take some time.