He was never a really noteworthy stallion. He never really stood out in a crowd, he never tried to be different, heck, he was fairly certain he never even had major aspirations.
That was the way he liked it.
Oh sure, he could play a mean guitar, and he liked to look nice. But that's about the most different he got. Even his position of being a guardspony was simply something he sort of fell into, and his whole family agreed that he made such a fine guard.
One in a million other ponies, scarcely identifiable amongst each other.
"What was I thinking?"
Twilight Sparkle's friends all sat around her, watching her freak out and have one of her episodes. "I-I-I don't really even know him! I mean, I do know him, but what's there to know? He just proposed to me, out of the blue, and in front of so many ponies! I had to say yes, I had no choice!"
"Twilight, darling," said Rarity, patting her friend's back, "you're stressing this too much dear! You're going to get married!" She beamed.
"Married!? To Flash Sentry!?" Twilight turned to Rarity, wide-eyed.
"Y-yes, dear," said Rarity, returning with a sheepish smile, "the colt of your dreams! The one you had a crush on from the Crystal Empire."
"Crush, Rarity!" Twilight flailed her hooves. "He's cute, he's friendly, he's pleasant, yes! And that was fun and all, but then we spent time together! I thought if I hung out with him, I'd get to know him better, but it's like dating a porcelain doll!"
"Well, surely that can't be true." Fluttershy stepped forward, smiling. "Maybe you just aren't asking the right questions?"
"What's there to ask!?" Twilight grimaced hard. "Excuse me, before we get married, can you tell me about any and all character quirks you may or may not possess!?" She shoved her nose into Fluttershy's. "I have looked into his eyes, Fluttershy! I have peered into his soul! There is nothing there!"
"So wait..." piped Rainbow Dash, hovering a short distance above the squabble, "Are you saying he's soulless?"
"Not in a literal sense, but if he were I don't know who'd be able to tell the difference!" Twilight groaned. "Every time we went out, I'd be the only one asking questions! Whenever we went to do something, he'd ask me what I wanted to do! Anytime I'd ask him what he wanted to do, he'd tell me 'whatever you want is fine!" She stopped, staring wide-eyed at nothing. "Oh no... what if we have foals, and that's what our foals will be like?"
"Whoa now, I think yer gettin' ahead of yourself, aincha?" Applejack stepped forward, placing a hoof on Twilight's back. "You're jus' gettin' married, ain't it early to be considerin' kids?"
"Too early!?" Twilight blanched. "I'm getting married Applejack! That's a commitment where if you're not ready to have foals the moment you're in it, you're probably not ready to be married! There will be a honeymoon and--"
A hoof in her mouth silenced Twilight. "This part," said Rainbow Dash with a roll of her eyes, "We don't need to hear."
Twilight removed her hoof. "How can you all be so calm about this! I'm getting married!"
"I know," gushed Rarity, "I'm ever so jealous of you!"
Twilight frowned. "Why are you jealous?"
"Because you're in love and getting married?" Said Rarity, almost uncertain.
"Oh?" Twilight grimaced, glaring at her friend. "And do you think me and Flash Sentry make a perfect couple?"
"Uh..." Rarity nodded, "Of course I do..."
"Why?" Twilight leaned closer, as if scrutinizing her friend.
Rarity stared at Twilight a moment. She began to try to speak, but stopped herself a few times. "Well... he's... friendly? And charming...?"
Twilight raised a brow. "And his interests?"
"He... likes music?" Twilight rolled her hoof, as if gesturing for her to continue. "Uh... well... I don't know him quite as well as you do, Twilight-"
"Yes," said Twilight with a nod, "You do. You want to know what I learned during my life Rarity? Ponies are simple. We lay our personalities bare for all of us to see, at least to some extent." She pointed at Rainbow Dash. "The moment I met you, I knew you were somewhat brash and egotistical!" Rainbow seemed ready to take offense, but Twilight stopped her. "Don't be upset, I learned you were an amazing friend, but my point is from the very start I understood a bit of you."
She looked to Pinkie. "And I knew you were silly, energetic, and it wasn't long before I learned you were a pony who liked to show a warm welcome."
Pinkie smiled. "It's true! I do like to do those things you said!"
"And Fluttershy was immediately quite obviously shy," continued Twilight, "and Rarity both a fashionista and drama queen," Rarity seemed to hold up her nose some, but smiled in spite of herself, "and Applejack a friendly, family oriented mare!"
"Aww shucks," said Applejack, smiling, "Thank ya Twi!"
"Case and point," said Twilight, pointing to them, "From the moment I met all of you, I had an idea of who you were." She frowned hard. "Do you know what my first interactions with Flash Sentry were?" Nopony answered, none of them expected they needed to. "Bumping into him, him making a comment about bumping into each other, and walking away. And from there on out, nothing he ever did stood out!"
"So wait," said Applejack, frowning, "Lotsa ponies don't exactly stand out. Why's that bad?"
Twilight frowned. "It's not bad to not stand out, what I mean is that I felt like whatever he was doing at the moment? That was all there was to him." She held up a hoof. "He has no notable quirks! Yes, he's friendly, but he doesn't contribute anything!" She frowned a bit. "At this point, I'm pretty convinced the only reason I dated him was for the sake of being in a relationship!"
"I don't see what the problem is," said Rarity, rolling her eyes, "He's handsome. He's friendly. He's polite. Do you really need anything more?"
Twilight giggled a bit, put her hooves on Rarity's withers, and pulled her close, staring her in the eyes. "I would marry Blue Blood, knowing he's a pompous ass with no shred of selflessness to be found within him for the sole fact that I can express an opinion to him and expect him to give me an honest answer. At the end of the day, I know that despite his many, many flaws, he would keep life interesting!"
"You'd rather marry somepony you hate than somepony you just don't like...?" Fluttershy frowned some, clearly lost on Twilight's rant.
"Yes!" Twilight threw her hooves in the air. "At least with somepony I hate there would be constant learning possibilities! At least with somepony I hate, I can expect meaningful interaction!" She pulled Fluttershy close. "Flash Sentry blends into the background! He is just an extension of whatever he happens to be involved in! There is nopony in this world who ever says 'Hey! Have you seen that Flash guy? He's pretty decent' without the words 'dating Princess Twilight' or something along those lines finding their way in there somewhere! He is like an accessory, and the worst part is, he acts the part! To date, our relationship has been one of convenience, whose only meaning is that I have a coltfriend!"
Rarity held up a hoof. "Well, accessories can be good, deary! At least he'd be good for appearances!" She nodded. "Plus, if he really is an empty shell of a pony, at least you know you can continue going on doing what you like to do with minimal interference!"
"Yep!" Pinkie bounced. "Just marry 'em, pops some creepy robot babies out, get old and die!"
Twilight pointed a hoof at Rarity. "If you like to accessorize so much, why don't you marry him!"
Rarity screamed. "Never! His eyes are empty like dolls' eyes!"
"What about you?" She pointed at the others. "Would any of you marry him?"
Applejack bit her lip. "Well... maybe. He's probably a good worker, bein' a guard," she grimaced a bit, looking off to the side, "but he does have an almost... unsettling air of perfection that's almost artificial about him that borders on creepy time and again..."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Only if he liked the wonderbolts, and didn't fear having a wife that could kick his flank any day of the week!"
Fluttershy hid behind her mane. "Well... he is friendly... I mean... he doesn't seem to do much..."
Pinkie giggle snorted. "Nopity nope! This is your problem, Twi, not ours, so don't try to push it off on us!"
Twilight frowned. "As friendly and handsome as he is, there is not a hint, trace, or even so much a glimmer of equinity in him! Once you get over the 'Prince Charming' effect after the first few dates, you realize you have more meaningful interactions with the ponies trying to kill you! And here I am, expected to marry him, just because it's convenient!"
"Well," said Applejack, forcing a smile onto her face, "You can always try to change him? I mean, that's what Granny says all mares strive to do when they marry. They marry a stallion they hate to make him into a stallion she'd want him to be." She frowned a bit, rubbing her foreleg. "I'll admit, it was a depressing thought, but I guess it kinda makes sense..."
"That's the worst part," said Twilight, glaring at Applejack, "He'd try to be the stallion I wanted him to be, but it would be artificial! You know who said 'you can lead a pony to water, but you can't make them drink?' They haven't met Flash!" She paced around a bit, talking as she did. "And who knows, he might not even succeed at doing that the moment it conflicted with my interests! He doesn't care about books, but he'll read them if I want to. He doesn't care about magic, but he'll smile and nod when I talk about Arcane Theory." She sighed, falling to her haunches and looking up at her friends, almost seeming on the verge of tears. "I... I'm not even sure what it is I saw in him to begin with."
"Looks," said Rarity.
"Cool cloths and guitar," added Rainbow Dash.
"Smile," suggested Pinkie Pie.
"Desperation..." piped Fluttershy.
"He kinda resembles your brother," said Applejack. Everypony was quiet. They all turned to the orange mare, who responded with a curious 'What?"
Rainbow grinned. "Applejack, I always kind of suspected, but I never knew..."
Applejack blushed madly. "I didn't mean it like that, I was just stating a fact! Science has proven, and Twilight can back me on this, that ponies will often find themselves attracted to other ponies who share traits with relatives, and Flash Sentry does kind of look like Shining Armor!"
Rarity pouted her lips a put, rubbing her chin with a hoof. "I'm not sure I see it, deary..."
"Oh please," said Applejack with a roll of her eyes, "Blue mane, shield cutie mark, royal guard, heck, even their names sound kinda similar!"
"Wait," said Rainbow Dash, raising a brow, "Their names are similar? How?"
"A light effect followed by a word synonymous with defense," added Pinkie with a smile, ushering a silent 'Ohhh' from Rainbow Dash.
"And there's the last nail in the coffin!" Twilight chuckled mirthlessly, shaking her head. "When I crossed into the mirror to the other world, after I ran into your counterparts, for a while I was convinced Flash Sentry was my brother in that world, until I realized that his name was different and you all shared names with your alternate selves!" She sighed, falling onto her stomach. "It didn't bother me until I began actively questioning our relationship, and at that point it was a snowball effect, and I realized that his almost overpowering resemblance to my brother would interest a lot of psychologists for all the wrong reasons."
Silence fell over the room for a moment.
"Well," piped Applejack, "If you don't like him, why not jus' call it off?"
Twilight laughed. "I wish I could, but I'm in too deep." She stood up, staring at the orange farm pony with tired eyes. "Honestly, the moment ponies saw us together they immediately assumed we were an item, even before we were actually dating." She rolled her eyes. "Ponies telling us we were a cute couple, we'd have such cute foals... I think that's why I stuck with it. The warm glow of being in a relationship." She frowned hard, remembering all the smiles, and how she willingly accepted the reality they had just hoofed to her. "Royal weddings are taken very seriously. Even before we're married. Even though we're only engaged, in the eyes of the public, we're already husband and wife, and until one or both of us shows up to a ball with a different pony in our arms, we might as well be married."
"Wow," said Pinkie Pie with a snort, "so, ponies really just want you to get married for the sake of being married?"
"Yes." Twilight said simply. "That's how celebrity works. When two famous figures marry, it's lightning! You never know what kind of hijinks they'll get into!" She sighed, shaking her head almost mournfully. "When a celebrity marries a pony nopony has ever heard of, it's really only the celebrity anypony cares about, or their wedding. The other pony is just the means to an end." She rolled her eyes, waving a hoof around. "Oh sure, once we're married, ponies will want to dig into his life and find out what kind of stallion he is, they'll grab small things and build upon them, every little interaction we make will be scrutinized, but the public's interest in him is solely in relation to his involvement with myself." She slumped once more, sighing into the floor. "Without me, he's a fart in the wind and nopony would care."
"Wow," said Fluttershy, frowning, "that was kind of harsh..."
"Maybe," said Twilight, "But it's the truth. If I hadn't bumped into him, or gone dancing with him, nopony but the wildest of speculators would have thought a thing of it." Twilight stared at her hooves, laying in front of her silently. "My mom is already talking about grand-foals," she snorted, "she loves Flash Sentry. 'He's so nice, so friendly, he looks sweet'... yeah, well, maybe I want a stallion who will look at me like I'm crazy when I do something silly, but still reminding me he loves me?" She sat up, grimacing. "Is it too much to say I want a stallion who feels like a real pony, and not some Prince Charming that seems to exist only as an extension of myself? Somepony who can actually contribute to a relationship with me rather than depending on me to define them?"
Everypony was quiet.
"I think you deserve it."
Twilight groaned, face hoofing. "Thank you for your input, Flash."
Flash Sentry smiled, taking a sip from a glass of water. "You're welcome, Twilight." The five mares responded differently; Rainbow Dash smiling nervously, Pinkie shuddering as if disgusted, Applejack wincing a bit and reeling back, Rarity trying to avoid making direct eye contact, and Fluttershy not acting quite as shy as she normally did -- a fact Twilight once attributed to him simply having a comforting nature, but now believed was because Flash was so little of an actual pony that whatever instinct that was responsible for Fluttershy's xenophobia and general discomfort around ponies either didn't know how to react to him or missed him entirely. "You know I just want to make you happy."
Twilight shuddered at the way he smiled as he said it, the unnatural calm, collected way he said the words, and the seemingly flawless grace in the way the words left him. 'I'd prefer marrying one of the cheesy stallions from Rarity's romance novels over this guy...' thought Twilight.
"Well," said Rainbow Dash, laughing nervously, "I'd love to stick around, but I've got... uh.... I've got to go somewhere else...." She flew out in a hurry.
"Me too! I've got... not... being here!" Pinkie was out in a flash.
"Well," said Applejack with a chuckle, "I guess I best get home... an'... ya know... talk to my granny... ask 'er to see old photos of... of Ma... an' of her..." She frowned and stepped out, almost seeming pale. "I sure hope Ma and Granny don't look the same... "
"Well," said Fluttershy with a smile, "I actually do have other things to do! So, I'll see you two love birds tomorrow!" The little yellow mare flew out with a smile on her face.
Rarity turned to look at Twilight, then to Flash. Her eyes met his. In that instant, she felt cold. As if she were staring into a bottomless pit. Those empty, unfeeling eyes, devoid of any defining trait, of any unusual or unique spark. It offended her senses. "The eyes! Look away!" She screamed, running out of the building.
Twilight stared deadpan at Flash Sentry, who simply smiled at her. That cold, empty, robotic smile. Sure it was handsome, and friendly. 'Maybe if I get him drunk. Get him absolutely plastered, maybe then he'll act like an actual pony and not a living machine.' "So, you just sat there and watched in silence as I talked about wanting to not marry you. The entire time. For the past two hours."
"Yes I did, honey bunch," said Flash with a nod, still smiling.
Twilight didn't shift her expression at all. "And how does that make you feel?"
Flash frowned, as if hurt. "Well, it did upset me..." but then the smile was back. "But I know talking to your friends makes you happy, sweet heart."
Twilight groaned. "You are a lame, robotic shell of a pony! You're barely even that! I have more meaningful interactions with my toilet after a long night of drinking than I do with you!"
Flash Sentry simply laughed. "You're so funny Twilight, that's why I love you!"
Twilight Sparkle huffed, staring at him for a few minutes. "Well," she said, beat, "I guess I have to make due with a terrible situation and make it fascinating. Let's go upstairs, have a few drinks, and let what happens happen."
Flash simply laughed. "Not until we're married, Twilight!" He gave her that raised eyebrow smile, and put his hooves on his sides. "And you know that a Princess must be wed before she and her groom share their first night of passion." Twilight's jaw fell. "And even then, it shouldn't become habit! After all, our love is pure! We shouldn't need carnal romance!"
Twilight stared at the shell of a pony before her, thinking of every stallion she could have picked. Calm, stoic, 'simple ways' Big Macintosh. Soarin', with his adorable gullibility and friendliness that almost bordered on childishness. Braeburn, who Twilight sometimes worried might be proof of a tainted water source near Applooza. Heck, even Blue Blood.
Each and every one of them would have had a far more organic and interesting and believable way of rejecting her advances.
Twilight Sparkle fell to her haunches, and threw her hooves into the air, shouting at the top of her lungs.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Careful Honey, you'll make your throat sore," said Flash, his expression unchanging.
THE END
Author's Note
This was supposed to be a comedy.
I have failed you all.
(And yet I post the fic anyway...)
