bathtubs can never be trusted

by 85476376

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 5107

Celestia is not having a good day. Lots of bad things are happening, all she needs now is some inter-dimensional problem she has to fix. All she wants right now is a nice hot bath.

Celestia can't seem to fix today no matter what she does. Talking, magic, not even her sister luna can help her fix today. She'll just have to live through rest of it. It can't get much worse, no not possible. Now time to take a hot refreshing bath…

first fix so have constructive criticism please and no spam (JK spam all you want) also check out my awesome editor Amazing Linkalso taking small break from writing for now

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-10 14:02:12 UTC

one bad day

  "TIA, ITS TIME TO GET UP!" Chanted Luna as she gleefully danced around her sister's bed. Celestia groaned in annoyance.

  "LUNA!? what did I tell you?" Celestia placed her hoof on her head to block out the pounding of pain.

Luna stopped jumping.

"Umm... only wake you up loudly if its a emergency?" Luna grinned as she rubbed the back of her head with her hoof.

"So is there a fire?"

"Well no... not really. I'm pretty sure." Luna smiled.

"Ok, are you Injured in any sort of way?"

"Well I have a paper cut on my hoof." Luna smiled as she showed her annoyed sister her outstretched hoof, with a small plaster stuck to the corner.

"....Really?" Celestia bluntly asked.

"Oh but first you must raise the sun. Meet me on the porch and don't forget to bring your big butt!" Luna teased before walking out of the room, headed for the porch.

  "Ugh I swear I'm gonna tell her to beg for mercy if she says that I have a big butt one more time... its not that big, is it?" Celestia ask mused before turning around to look at her flank. She shrugged and moved to stretch across her towering bed encrusted with gold and the finest of gems, and stretched fully, hearing satisfying pops in her joints. She slowly walked off, feeling satisfied with herself.

Celestia walked over to the small cage near it. "Philomena just as beautiful as ever," Philomena cooed with enjoyment. "Lucky lucky me, lets hope today goes good."

  "Tia come on, thou does not have all night for thy laziness!" Luna's muffled voice floated down into her ears. Celestia sighed.

  "I'm coming, just tidying up. Unlike some-pony does I prefer to live in something organised." She shouted back at Luna, walking up the flight of marble stairs at the same time.

  "We are a very organized mare and you should know that Tia. For thou information we clean our room every night, putting everything in its spot."

  "Well that would make sense if these so-called "spots" were scattered across the floor." Celestia retorted, her sister coming into view.

  "Hey!"

  "Well I'm sorry, but thats just what it looks like." Celestia grinned to herself, knowing that she has won this argument.

  "You don't have to be mean about it." Luna grumbled.

  Celestia let out a merry laugh. "Ok, Ok... I'm gonna stop. Lets just do this."

Celestia got herself ready as her horn glowed with energy from the sun. A small field of blue magic surrounded Luna as she did the same, and Celestia's magic took hold as a yellow aura appeared around her. Both alicorn's magic began to work

The moon began lowering along with the stars, sulkily moving along down past the horizon. There a bit of light shone past the peak of the mountains, and soon rose fully to the sky. Luna's spark of magic began to break apart as the moon and stars were no longer in sight and sunlight flooded the land ever so slowly, Celestia's magic began to die down too.

"Just check a clock." Luna burst out giggling like a school filly as she begin to back away, out of Celestia's reach.

  Celestia looked at Luna. "What do you mean Lulu?"

  "What do you think we mean? I said look at a clock." Luna choked out, drowned in her laughter. Celestia's eyes widened as realization begin to dawn her

  "Oh no Luna... What have you done this time?!"

Celestia took of galloping to her room, peeking at her clock:

2:13 AM

  "LUNA you have gone TOO FAR this time! Get yourself in here NOW!"

  "Ha ha ha ha! If you can catch me Tia!" Luna then proceeded to teleport away to some other part of the castle, vanishing with a small pop.

  "Oh Luna not today please not today, of course today. The day of important relations with the governor of the gryphon homeland. Of course, why not?" Celestia grumbled as she galloped through the halls using her magic to scan for Luna. She needed to find her and have her fix this now.

"Luna you are in so much trouble when you get back from wherever your hiding! Ugh, I'm going to have to make up some excuse for Luna not being at the treaty sealing with the governor. Maybe he will get the fact that Luna still learning what pranks are or he will think were a bunch of imbeciles." Celestia nodded it off, hoping for the best today.

  "Uhh... princess are you okay?" asked a guard standing right next to her. She jumper, startled.

  "Yes, I'm fine." The solar princess leaned in. "You didn't happen to hear that whole thing did you?"

  "Every word my princess." The guard nodded.

  "Not a word to the governor please and if he asks tell him its a... um... pony holiday were we raise the suns four hours earlier for crops."

  "Yes my princess, I will make sure all guards on patrol during his arrival know this." The said guard bowed deeply.

  "Thank you, kind sir. What is your name?"

  "My name it's Iron Shield, your highness." The guard smiled, but the smile seemed forced.

  "Are you ok Iron? You seem anxious." The princess frowned as Iron Shield sighed.

  "Well princess... just some private matters I've been dealing with... you know, wife getting mad at you for not remembering the groceries and then turning it into a big matter-" He was cut off by Princess Celesia.

  "Then you have the day off. Deal with your wife today and comeback tomorrow refreshed."

  "YES princess thank Luna's fla- I mean thank you." The guard smiled between clenched teeth, knowing that he almost... almost, mind you... swore in front of the princess.

Feeling satisfied she begin to walk towards the great hall. It was time to get ready for the negotiations with the governor. She didn't have much time, so hopefully Luna would just keep away from this one and let her handle it. Theres still a chance this could go good right?

RIGHT?

negation of negotiation

  Well, Celestia was wrong. Very wrong about this being a good day. The lie about the holiday and raising the sun earlier didn't go well. Half the gryphons who woke from guest rooms were not pleased with this 'early sun day' as the guards called it. Celestia continued to pace back and forth the main hall, worried the governor would be offended by her doing this on his visiting time. Gryphons were known for there rage and short temper, and she might just declare war with the hot tempered gryphons.

  "Oh gosh I'm getting ahead of myself, I need to calm down." She hummed to herself quietly, hoping she could just skip to the end of today and hope it went well.

  "How's it going? nice and cozy with the general yet? Is there gonna be a war, you know a Chaotic WAR?" Asked (or hollered) a familiar yet annoying voice that just added to Celestia's problems infinitely literally. Celestia sighed.

  "What do you want Discord? I am extremely busy right now and I can't handle your antics?" Celestia stated, before she then saw something floating just at the corner of her eye. She turned to looked at it. " Florescent bath suds? Discord what are these for?"

  "I believe that you pour them in a bath and then it turns into bubbles and other great things happen." Discord said as he shoved it up his nose, disappearing and reappearing in Celestia's crown.

  "I know that! You know what Discord? Maybe if you wish on a star enough you'll get your chaotic war." Mused Celestia, face hoofing herself in her own mind. Discord snapped his fingers, and a map full of stars, a Hawaiian leaf shirt on, a pair of binoculars swinging around his neck appeared. Comical as Discord usually is but, unfortunately, he got old fast. Especially for Celestia, who now had this madman living in her castle. Discord continued to fumble around with his map stretching it this and that way.

  "You got any star in mind? I'd ask Luna but, she seems to be missing from your side right now so... hmm, Orions belt? No... Ursa major? Nah... Ugh this is to hard. Give me a hint."

  "I'm serious Discord nows not the time. Leave and maybe... I'll let you eat dessert early tonight when dinner is served."

  "REALLY? Fried mushrooms here I come!" With a swift flick of his wrist he was gone, probably going to ruin someone else's day. Celestia continued to pace when she heard someone re-enter the room.

  "Discord I said for you to lea- Governor I'm so sorry! I mistook you for someone else!" Celestia apologized fast enough to make Fluttershy seem slow to forgive.

  "What's that?" the governor said cleaning out one of his ears and... then flicking it across the room much to Celestia's disgust. She got her first glimpse of the governor. He was an older gryphon, who wore a gold encrusted monocle, a black top hat, and a bright red scarf around his neck, completed with the tuxedo that he wore. "What did you say, princess? My hearing long passed its age."

Celestia kept quiet, heart still quietly pounding. "Oh princess, I almost forgot to thank you for this morning.You see, my alarm clock didn't go off this morning, and I would have never been awoken by my guards. Your sun woke them up." The governor smiled.

  "Well um.. your welcome governor. Why did your guards have to wake you? Was my sun not bright enough today?" Celestia joked as she tried to brush it off with a chuckle.

  "I have a private conference room set up for us governor follow me please." Celestia said as she lead the way. She could fix this, it wasn't that bad. Yeah she had control over this... it was gonna go well.

5 mins later...

  "YOU SHALL NOT TAKE OUR LAND, DICTATOR!" The general screeched at the top of his old lungs, waving around his walking stick.

  "I merely suggested we merge farmland so the locals will get to know each other better-" Celestia attempted to explain.

  "HARLOT, WITCH, DEMON!!" The governor cawed at her as he was dragged out by his own guards.

Celestia sighed. She knew that the governor would come around; he had done so many times before. Still, the sight of him being dragged out brought her heart down.

  "Why me? Why today? why, why, WHY?" Celestia begged anything to make this day better. She didn't care if Luna came back with a giant cake. It wouldn't fix today.

... Well, maybe it would.

  "Tia? Is thou feeling the blues?" Luna entered the conference room. Great. Just when she didn't want to see her.

  "Not now Luna just, just five minutes please." Celestia pleaded. She felt like breaking down into tears, but she couldn't afford to look weak in front of her sister.

  "We would just like to notify thee that we art sorry and wish for thou forgiveness." Luna whispered to Celestia.

  "Five minutes, Luna." Celestia sighed. "Just... give me five minutes."

  "So thou does not accept thy apology?" Luna pulled back, tears beginning to brim her eyes.

  "No Luna, it's not like that. It's just-" Celestia began, but Luna cut her off.

  "NO... Its fine Tia. We understand what thou means, we no longer want thy forgiveness!"

  "Luna thats not what I-"

  "NO! Just be quiet! I don't want to hear it!" Luna took off, running up stairs, tears dripping from her eyes.

  "Great..." Celestia muttered. She looked at her reflection on a nearby mirror, and noticed something blue hidden in her mane. She took it off. "Soap? Discord... Well, a bath does sound good..."

bathtubs evil secret...

   Celestia slumped through the castle, head drooping down as her ears pinned down to her head. She slowly made her way through the main hall, shuffling up the ruby red carpet. "Maybe its when I said it can't get any worse. I jinxed it." she thought to herself.

As she shuffled pass the guards, she noticed that a few showed their displeasure and wordiness towards their highness. Celestia didn't even bother to say hi, being so down in the dumps. Soon, she arrived at her bathroom. Opening the regal-looking wooden door, she filled the tub with warm water.

  Bath time.

  Not forgetting Discord's soap suds, she took out the bottle. Knowing that Discord did something to it, she look closely at the label, not wanting to be caught of guard. Celestia sighed and peered at the bottle.

"Warning... Soap comes out in different... colours... at random?" Celestia smiled. "Maybe it will turn me rainbow colour."

Grabbing a towel and heading for the bathroom, she removed her crown and all her jewelry, bracelets, and shoes with her magic. Maybe a song would cheer her up.

  "Im walking on sunshine!" Celestia hummed in a cheery tone,"walking on sun-aaahhh!" Screamed a terrified Celestia now flipped over on her back with a shower curtain sprawled across her. She looked up to see a... very familiar guard...

  "Iron...Iron Shield? What are you doing in here at this time of night? I thought I gave you the day off!" Celestia half-yelled at him, demanding him to explain himself.

  "Uhh well... umm you see I can explain! You know... er... have you ever heard of a... um... snipe?" Iron asked, shaking and stuttering.

  "A snipe, huh?"

  "Yes... umm... yeah, yeah! A snipe there very dangerous creature, skilled in being... sneaky and... uh... it's tall, has feathers and stuff." He gave her a look and she knew immediately that he was lying but, she didn't say a thing.

  "Oh! A snipe. Who hasn't heard of those, right?" Celestia gave him a smirk, believable and trained from all those years of negotiation and meetings.

  "Yeah well as I was leaving I uh... saw one! yes I saw a nasty one big teeth and everything so I decided to stay and... investigate." He lied straight through his teeth.

  Celestia smiled. "Actually, I got a snipe from the minister of buffalo kingdom." Iron's eyes widened as his face turned pale. Celestia turned and grabbed some air with her magic, solidifying it into a moving figure. She levitated it out as the air trashed around in her magic. "Did you know, that they feast on..."

  "... the ponies blood?"

  Iron turned and wailed as he ran out with his tail between his legs. Celestia sighed and giggled to herself as she closed the door, locking it tightly. Grabbing a robe and a towel, she went to the mirror and started pulling out special shampoos and conditioners.

Looking at the tub that was now full, she took the bath suds and poured them in. The bright white bathtub immediately turned into a explosion of rainbow pellets. Pleased with the warmth of the tub she stuck one hoof in, testing the pleasant temperature.

She sighed as she lowered herself into the bath, enjoying the scent. Soon her eyes closed as she drifted off into dreamland.

  ---+==/(?)==+---

  "Ugh... oh where am I?" Celestia asked as she fell back into consciousness from a dreamless sleep. Droplets of rain water fell on her as she scanned her surroundings. She looked up around her and saw a street, tall buildings around her stretching miles higher than anything in Canterlot. There were lamp posts everywhere and what looked like metal carriages resting on the black street.

A noise brought Celestia to her senses as she turned to look at a creature that walked on two legs. "A monkey!" Was what she thought first, before seeing the weapon in the creature's hand. Judging by the shape and size of the being, she concluded that it was male.

The man walked and stumbled, Celestia's magic and wing's useless after testing it out. In the midst of panic, she saw a large green foul-smelling bucket, and jumped behind it to hide.

   Celestia used the newspaper to keep warm and covered from the rain but, it didn't work to well. She sat there scared out of her mind, also known as, terrified. She heard hundreds of different things pass her, and every time that happened she held her breath and prayed to sweet faust that nothing would find her.

  She could't think of anything besides Luna her sad face when she said the she didn't care to her. Celestia never thought it was even physically possible for things to get worse but, as always, it did. She layer there, tearing up all alone, probably not even in her world any more, just somewhere in the multiverse with no magic and flying. Even if she could, there were monstrous things everywhere she looked.

  Now Celestia was just trying to figure out who did this. She had suspicions of Iron Shield, but he was a pegasus and only unicorns of high magic levee can't cast dimensional spells like this one. She was hoping this was a different dimension and not some apocalyptic future the place was polluted. Disgusting trash on every corner from what she could see. It scared her very much.

Questions swarmed through her mind like ants. What was she gonna do? Where was she? And who sent her here? All the princess now had was more and more questions as time went on.

A name suddenly pops up into her mind.

"Discord."

CLANK

  She quietly held her breath and tears began to form as she saw a man in a coat with pants. He was... crying. He began to speak, and strangely, Celestia could understand him. "AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR HER!" He screamed out with rage. "She just leaves without saying anything! How much of an idiot does she think I am!?" He continued to babble on about a girl who left him for something. He smashed a bottle of what looked like alcohol on the ground, shattering it into a million pieces.

  She watched him curl up in the rain and cry, eventually falling asleep out of exhaustion. Celestia was freezing, but he was probably gonna die here. She hated to do it, but she walked over and wrapped the newspaper around him and snuggled up to him. "Bad idea, but hopefully after tonight he'll survive."

the rules

  Celestia's vision was blurry as her eyes creaked opened. The first thing she saw was the sun. 'Ah... beautiful sunlight, maybe yesterday was a dream?'. She shuffled herself until she was in a comfortable position, and the sound of music flowed into her ears. She saw what seemed to be the silhouette of a street musician. She could only see his instrument from around the corner, held quite hight in the air for a unicorn. She saw strange things like what seemed to be a pegasus high above the sky... advertising? Wait no this was no pegasus, it was some sort of sky carriage? Celestia gave up thinking about it, next she saw a train... hmm nothing really peculiar about that...

  'Strange..' Celestia looked around. 'How did I get here?' she pondered, as she took in more of her surrounding she realized this was not Canterlot, nor Ponyvile. Then, out of nowhere a claw landed on her head, electing a squeal from her, and keep hitting her head as if she were a alarm clock.

  "What in the blazes?!" Celestia directed towards the creature realizing it was no dragon, and it was definitely not a pony. It then looked up at her with bloodshot eyes and, shakily, she finally got a good look at it. He was obviously male and he looked to be just out of high school. The creature's eyes focused on her as it shot open in terror.

"What the actual fu-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He was interrupted by Celestia's scream of pure terror that demolished any pattern the musician had going to the point that he fell of his chair landing on the sidewalk.

"You just talked?" It asked back in a raspy voice.

"Well yes. Of course I can talk, i'm not a cave pony!" Celestia accused, standing up to her full height. The creature snorted

"Oh I'm sorry I forgot horse could talk. Silly me!" he took the alcohol shards. "How drunk am I?"

"Hey! I am not a horse!"

  Celestia was trying to think of what happened last night as blurry memories resurfaced. She turned to see the man frozen in place, she then looked around to notice the entire life around her had frozen; the flies near the trash can, the musician had frozen while he was trying to get up, and the bottle shards floating in the air.

  She blinked, and saw a tall figure standing before her "DISCORD!? What did you do!?" She screamed bloody murder at him. He blinked and raised his paws in defense.

"Whoa... Whoa, whoa! Calm down Celly, I'm just here to explain the rules-"

"Don't call me Celly!" She hollered in his face.

"Sheesh, let me finish my sentence ok?" Discord said. "Good. Today sun-butt you get an all express paid trip to another dimension... Did I mention it last forever?"

"Discord send me home right this second!" Celestia shrieked.

"Oh come on! I went all out on this one! No? Nothing? Not even a thank you? Fine then, maybe I won't tell you where you are or why. All you get to know is, no magic and no flying."

"Excuse me?" Celestia said, venom dripping in her voice. "YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

"Excuse me?" The man recoiled at the loud outburst. "Sheesh, I didn't know you'll get so agitated from me calling you a horse."

Celestia blinked a few times. "Huh?"

"Well figment pony thing of my imagination, I have a stay-at-home job that I need to start in a few hours, so yeah. Good day to you." He then turned and headed for the strange city.

"Maybe if I follow this animal he will take to his abode and I could hide there while I figure out what to do! Genius Celestia! Genius!" Celestia thought as she scraped together a plan. 'Hopefully this place is nice, maybe he's rich... maybe he is extremely poor. I mean seriously who would fall asleep in an alleyway?

  She took off after him, silently following him through the street. She took notice of the sign on the street he was walking down as she peaked her head out of a empty garbage can. It was written in a strange language that looked like two upside down cups stuck together. The shop next to it was highly populated. There was a strange looking clown on the menu holding a sandwich? Below it said "Big mac super new deluxe size!" At least thats what she thought it said The language was write strange slightly understandable. Big mac? Sounds familiar...

  Celestia watched him enter and saw him grab a cup with a hot liquid of some kind(maybe coffee?). She then watched him spill it all over his suit, ran out embarrassed with a ton of napkins, and whipped his shirt.

"Maybe this wasn't the best creature to follow home..." she thought to herself. He continued his journey through this jungle of metal to eventually reach a apartment (that only catered to Celestia's disgust) and entered stomping.

  Celestia entered the house, surprised it was unlocked. It felt awkward pushing the door open with her hoof because she normally she used her magic. She took in the environment of the apartment. To put it simply, it was... smelly. Many strange technology rests around the room: A thin box with wires at the back, a 3-bladed piece of metal in a cage, and more.

  She walked around and saw a door cracked leaning into a room with steam coming out of it, she walked over slowly and cautiously. She looked in to see the same man... nude in the shower...

"AAAHHHH!" She screamed, a blush forming as she covered her head with her hooves. The man turned to see Celestia with her head turned away, the door slamming behind her. He stood dumb folded for a moment.

"What the hell?"

cannot be unseen

   Do you know that horrible feeling when your brain gets slapped by some embarrassing image? The kind of image that just sits with you, stirring up everything you think about? The one that makes your face bloom like a rose? Whether its seeing a friend naked or a picture of a monster of sorts that just haunts you, thats the feeling Celestia was having.

   Even though Celestia was now sitting on an extremely comfortable and fluffy couch, her insides felt the exact opposite. Trying to think of anything else than what she had seen, she sat there staring at a strange mechanical device. It had two antennae on it and a cord of sorts reaching a funny looking hole in the wall.

While the... creature... continued his shower she decided to figure this strange invention out. She walked up to it and stood staring at it for a while as she turned her head like a puppy trying to find some sort of on switch. She decided that  poking it with a hoof might get it to work like some sort of sens-

BONK

   Celestia looked up, a red bump growing on her head. She scanned for what hit her head and found a black metallic box in the shape of a chocolate bar. Exited, she quickly took it in her mouth and, realizing how terrible it tasted, spat it on the couch. She examined the box and saw that it was covered in many buttons: Blue, red, yellow green, big and small. Hesitantly, she pushed the biggest red button she could find, quickly shielding herself with one hoof incase she set something off. Almost immediately, the strange box lit up as an image of a alien riding a pony much like her own, while holding some sort of metal stick. With a loud bang, another alien fell down dead. "What sick demented mind came up with this?" She shrieked as she galloped away from the slaughter.

   She ran fast, galloping to the kitchen. There was much more machinery here than there was back in what she guessed was the living room. What first caught her attention was the size of this kitchen. It was fairly small, much smaller than she was used to. She noticed a machine that looked like a oven but, was much more compact and was above a perfectly fine oven. She decided to investigate by leaning up onto the oven to reach it, and finding a bowl of cold soup in it. "Well, that means this must be like a mini oven. I might as well help out the alien that's allowing me to stay here." she thought, hoping to have good impressions on the being. She went to the oven and saw another note next to it with a series of numbers written on it. Assuming that this was the instructions, she set the oven to 13.37. 'Hopefully that will do." She thought as she dropped down from the oven, walking into a strange room.

   This room had two large metal boxes. They were a dirty, worn down white color and one was vibrating very fast. They both have a window no it, but the inside was blurry. She tried to open it but it wouldn't budge. She pulled harder and harder... nothing. She decided to buck it she was curious what was inside.

   Bucking it with all of her strength it shot open flooding her with shirts, pant, coats, drowning her in a sea of cloth. They all were quite warm, and they smelled so nice... Almost falling asleep, she quickly regained her composure and went to the next one. This one was wide open and it had dirty clothes in it, and deduced that these machines cleaned clothing. So she stuffed the rest of the dirty clothes in. Noticing a bottle of soap on top of one of the metal boxes, she took it and emptied the whole of it in the washer. Then she emptied the other bottle as well... and the last bottle. "Oh, hopefully this alien will accept my work for him around the his home".

   Ohhh... She has no idea what she's getting herself into.

   She left for the kitchen to check on the soup she had put in for the alien. She walked in and noticed it was steaming. "Well thats how everything cooks in the bakery in Canterlot, that must mean its almost done".

   Looking down, she discovered another machine that looks like the clothes washer, yet it was slightly smaller and wasn't filled with clothes. Celestia opened it and caught a glimpse inside, only for tons of dirty cutlery to meet her eyes.

   Then, the smell hit her.

   She quickly slammed the door in disgust, retching on the floor as the smell entered her lungs. After a few moments, she regained her posture and saw some buttons on the machine that said: rinse, heavy wash, and china stuff. "Hmm... china. what could that mean? Maybe like china plates." So Celestia went around the house finding anything and everything made of glass and... stuffed it in this china machine.

   Now Celestia went over and waited on the couch. "Oh, the alien will be so happy with me!"

Almost immediately, the creature walked down the hallway and froze as Celestia's head poked over the couch. "You're here?"

   "Yes and I think you'll be happy to know that I-" Celestia was interrupted by the sound of the microwave exploding, sending soup all over the kitchen. She looked at him sheepishly, but thats not all that happened. Next it was the washing machines turn to explode in a mass of the soapiest clothes Celestia had ever seen. She gave him an even more embarrassed look while he just face palmed and groaned. And finally it was the dish washers turn to take stage by sending glass everywhere, breaking and shattering all over the already soup-covered kitchen. The creature looked up to the ceiling. "Oh, God. Why Me? Why am I the ONLY Human on Earth who has to deal with this kind of insanity?"

  Celestia stooped her head low in guilt as tears began to shimmer at the edge of the... human's eyes. For some reason, that scene reminded her of somepony close to her heart...

  "Luna..."