The Malignant Magnetby derpylandChaptersOrigin StoryThe Magnet’s First StrikeThe Magnet Strikes Where It HurtsThe Magnet’s NemesisThe Magnet Sets the Moon on FireEquestria’s Last StandOrigin StoryFor thousands of years it had remained dormant deep beneath the surface of the world. To the casual eye it was nothing special – just another vein of the rare-earth element neodymium, in a planetary crust that was filled with many veins of many ores. But this one held a sinister secret. Long ago – long before Celestia and Luna were born, and so long ago that the legend itself was entirely forgotten – an evil enchantress cursed that particular vein. This unicorn cursed it with all her might, and poured into it all the hate, malice, and power that she could wield. It was true that she hadn’t actually meant to curse a rock. This great and powerful enchantress had intended to curse her landlord, who was being very grumpy about the fact that she hadn’t paid her rent in sixteen months. However, this pony (whose name has been lost) tripped and fell into a cave, and then her teleportation spell went wrong, and – well, let’s just say it wasn’t her day. In a fit of blind rage she blasted all of her power at a rock wall. By the time she realized her mistake and made it back to the surface, it was too late – she was arrested for attempted assault, and her life took a different turn after that. So her malignant curse did not turn out as she had planned. However, that vein of rock had not been cursed in vain. That pony’s wicked spell worked, and filled that rock with a sinister evil. Of course, since it was just an inanimate rock stuck in the wall of a cave, it couldn’t do very much. Instead of terrorizing the world it was forced to wait until its circumstances improved. As the millennia passed, the ore bided it time. While it slumbered, the surface world changed. Powers rose and powers fell. Two alicorn sisters rose to power and began governing all of Equestria. The sisters froze the Lord of Chaos into stone – and then one of the sisters turned on the other, and was banished to the Moon. Through it all, the ore waited. It dreamed dark, rocky dreams of overturning the world in fire and ash. It felt pity for the Nightmare that was banished to the Moon (although how it found out about it, I do not know), and vowed to avenge her terrible defeat. It longed for the day when it could unleash its vengeance on an unsuspecting planet. One day, one day, the world would know what an evil vein of neodymium ore could do. One day the ponies of Equestria would feel its rage! Then, after long ages of waiting, an unsuspecting miner dug up that ore, and another unsuspecting pony fashioned it into a powerful rare earth magnet and put it up for sale. That was when it happened. In an unlucky act that would lead to the greatest disaster in Equestrian history (which had been a land of rainbows and bunnies, I’d like to point out), a certain purple alicorn princess purchased that very magnet and brought it into her laboratory. That was the beginning of the end. The most formidable foe that Equestria ever faced had entered the world, and would soon begin its reign of terror. It would be unleashed by a simple cup of tea (a fact that would seriously injure tea sales for decades to come). The Magnet’s First StrikeIt was midmorning in Ponyville – a beautiful spring day. Winter had been wrapped up only a few weeks earlier. Unlike most days that see terrible disasters, it was not raining and there were no stormclouds on the horizon. In fact, the bright yellow sun was shining rather cheerfully, and the smell of violets permeated the air. It was simply impossible to look outside at the weather and figure out that a dark terror was about to be unleashed upon Equestria. If it had been raining scorpions or abominations from another dimension then that might have been a clue. But, sadly, Discord was on vacation, so the land was utterly devoid of chaos. Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the laboratory of her crystal castle, drinking a cup of darjeeling tea. (Afterward, analysis wondered if the entire disaster could have been prevented if Twilight had instead consumed, say, a piece of toast, or perhaps a flavored muffin. In fact, oranges were actually in season at the time. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20.) On this particular morning the purple alicorn was very pleased with herself. When Tirek destroyed her tree home, he had also destroyed her laboratory and all of its arcane equipment. It had taken her weeks of work to refurnish her new castle with all of the rare items she had lost. Acquiring some of the tools that had been vaporized was quite challenging: some of the pieces were unique, and reforging them took more time than she would have liked. But that setback was all behind her now. Her laboratory was now fully restocked, and no detail had been overlooked – not even rare-earth magnets. Yes, today is a new and promising day, Twilight thought happily to herself. I have a feeling that everything is going to be just fine! A few feet away from the princess, resting quietly on a wooden shelf, was an ebony magnet. There really wasn’t anything special or strange about it – it was just a round, featureless, black magnet, about half the size of a hockey puck. It utterly lacked any evil cursive writing, and it did not have that sinister glow (usually green, I think, but sometimes red) that tipped ponies off that something was Very Wrong. It didn’t even have any warning labels. The only thing odd about it was that most neodymium magnets are silver, not black, but that was hardly an indication that the magnet was possessed by a sinister evil bent on global domination. But, in fact, that magnet really was possessed by a sinister evil bent on global domination – and today was its day to strike! The magnet decided that it had remained quiet long enough; this was the day it would seize power and terrorize the world. This was its moment! Twilight was completely oblivious to the sinister force that was about to burn Canterlot to the ground. (Of course, had she not been oblivious, it’s doubtful there was anything she could have done to change what happened. After all, it was already too late to change her choice of breakfast. But still.) Using her magic, she absent-mindedly lifted a metal spoon to stir her tea. Her gaze never left the 847-page book she was reading – How to Organize Your Checklists in 96 Easy Steps. The magnet struck! Using the evil energy that the evil enchantress had given it all those ages ago, the evil magnet focused all of its evil magnetic attraction onto the innocent spoon that Twilight was holding. Since Twilight had a firm magical grip on her spoon, the magnet flew off the shelf and toward the utensil. By carefully altering the shape and density of its magnetic field, the magnet missed the spoon, banked around it, and shot across the lab. As the magnet saw where its course was taking it, a surge of triumph shot through it. My calculations are perfect! the magnet thought. It would have shouted, but since it was just a magnet it lacked a mouth and was therefore incapable of shouting. (It also lacked eyes, but its evil life force compensated for that handsomely.) The magnet’s trajectory was on a perfect course to demolish a set of glass beakers that was holding a rather volatile set of liquids. The faint swish that the magnet made when it shot through the air was not enough to get Twilight’s attention. However, the jarring sound of breaking glass was a different story. Twilight jerked her head up just in time to see red, green, and yellow liquids ooze out of a row of broken beakers and begin forming a puddle on her brand-new workbench. Twilight gasped. “But – that’s not possible! Those chemicals don’t react with glass! How could–” At that moment the multicolored pool of liquid began to smoke ominously. Twilight instantly stopped talking and teleported herself out of the room and into the adjacent hallway. Mere seconds later, her crystal palace reverberated with a muffled BOOOOOM. Twilight sighed. “And to think today was going so well,” she muttered. Inside the lab, the ebony magnet felt its evil powers grow. Ebony objects endowed with evil tend to grow in power when they are used in evil ways, and this object was no exception. It knew that as it spread destruction, its abilities would increase until it was utterly unstoppable. Destroying the lab of a princess was a good start – but the day was still young. It was time to unleash its fury upon an unsuspecting countryside. Just as Twilight and Spike walked into the ruined lab, the magnet focused its energies on the iron window frame on the far side of the room. It then shot across the lab, shattered the window, and soared outside the castle. “What in Equestria was that?” Spike exclaimed. Twilight sighed. “Another lab disaster, I guess. I just don’t get it! Those beakers were supposed to be made of top of the line glass. They should never have just disintegrated like that. I am definitely going to file a complaint with the manufacturer.” Spike ambled over to the broken window and looked outside. He saw a small black object arc around a metal lamppost and soar high in the sky over Ponyville. “I don’t know, Twilight,” Spike replied. “I think that broken beakers are going to be the least of your problems today. Whatever that thing is, it looks like it’s up to no good.” “Don’t be silly, Spike! It’s just a magnet. How much harm could a magnet possibly do?” The Magnet Strikes Where It HurtsFilled with a radiant, energetic evil, the magnet soared over Ponyville and aimed itself at a stylish dressmaking shop. The target had not been chosen by chance. The magnet could sense that somepony in that building had battled a great evil and overcome it – possibly more than once. In fact, the goodness of the pony that lived in that shop was downright nauseating. It is high time that evil gained its revenge! the magnet thought malignantly. It is time for this dressmaker to face my magnetic wrath. The ebony magnet fell onto the grassy lawn that was outside of the boutique, and waited. After a few minutes the front door opened and a red stallion walked out. Just before the door closed, the magnet focused its energies on the bell that was hanging over the door and pulled. The magnet shot out of the grass, through the open door, and soared into Rarity’s dress shop. The magnet then curved its flight and plowed right into a giant glass mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces. The magnet felt a surge of dark power. Another victory! Rarity, however, was not nearly as pleased. “My mirror!” the distraught pony exclaimed. She rushed over to it and stared at it in dismay. “But – I don’t understand. How could this happen? Did someone throw a rock into my shop? Whoever would do such a thing?” She eyed the black magnet that had fallen to the floor. “Big Mac, you didn’t happen to see where this thing came from, did you?” But Big Mac was already gone. When Rarity opened the door and looked outside, she saw that he was already down the road and headed back to Sweet Apple Acres. Rarity walked back over to the shattered mirror and looked at the black object on the floor. “Well, I’m sure Big Mac didn’t do this,” she said aloud. She used her magic to levitate the magnet and looked at it curiously. “Just what are you, anyway?” I am evil and darkness, the magnet thought to itself. I am your worst nightmare come to life! Behold the power of my evil malignancy! To Rarity’s great surprise, the magnet suddenly leaped out of her grasp. It aimed its magnetic reach at the overhead chandelier and used it to arc around the room, up the stairs, and through the open door to her work area. Rarity let out a surprised shriek as she saw it tear through the air. “But – that’s not possible!” Rarity shouted, as she heard a terrible crash come from upstairs. “You’re just an inanimate object! Whatever is the matter with you?” As the sounds of destruction increased, Rarity galloped up the stairs and into her workroom. What she saw filled her with rage. Her beautiful, hoof-stitched clothes were strewn all over the floor. Her sewing machine had been battered and knocked over. Her patterns were scattered all over the room. But worst of all – in an event so shocking that it took Rarity’s breath away – that evil black object had somehow managed to get a giant red stain over her entire line of white bridal gowns. Rarity had faced evil before. She remembered the time that Discord had tricked her into falling in love with a rock (a fact she had tried so hard to forget). She remembered the day when Discord betrayed them all and let Tirek drain her of all her magical abilities. She had known anger and she had known wrath. But this – this was just too much. This could not be allowed to stand! The magnet was lying motionlessly on the floor – almost as if it was waiting for the pony to make the next move. Rarity grabbed it tightly with her magic and levitated it toward her. “I don’t know who or what you are,” she said through clenched teeth, “but you have gone too far! What you have done is a crime against fashion, and I will not let that go unpunished. By the time I get through with you, you cursed thing, you will wish you had never even existed.” The magnet laughed to itself. Go ahead! Give me your best shot. I dare you! By now its powers had grown considerably. Each new chaotic victory fueled its abilities and gave it increased strength. Using the damaged metal sewing machine as an anchor, the magnet ripped itself from Rarity’s magical grasp and sailed out the open window and across the sky. “I will destroy you!” Rarity screamed, as it disappeared out of sight. The magnet laughed. Outside the shop, a small group of background ponies had seen the whole thing. They had watched the magnet enter the shop, heard the crashing sounds it made, and then saw it shoot out the upper window. They witnessed an enraged Rarity race out of her front door, shouting curses at it. (They also marveled that even though Rarity was obviously filled with anger, she had still found the time to find a cute matching outfit with a jaunty spring hat before going outside.) Golden Harvest turned to Lyra. “We’d better tell the mayor that Ponyville needs to be evacuated. The Mane Six are at it again.” Lyra sighed. “And my day was going so well, too. But you just know this isn’t going to end well. Do you remember last week, when–” “It’s just not fair!” Twinkleshine interrupted. “My insurance rates went up 20% this year alone. Ever since Twilight moved into town it’s been nothing but one disaster after another. I know it hasn’t been her fault, exactly, but–” Far away they heard the shattering of glass, followed by more enraged shouting. The ponies looked at each other and then raced off. It was time to put Ponyville’s Problem Preparedness Plan into effect – for the third time this month. The Magnet’s NemesisThe magnet used its newfound energies to slingshot around a row of mailboxes and soar high into the sky. Down below, frightened ponies were already running out of the city as fast as their legs could carry them. Flee, little ponies, the magnet cackled to itself. Flee for your lives! As the magnet briefly hung over the city of Ponyville, it sensed another presence of good – a presence that showed no signs of leaving town. This one was centered inside a rather prominent bakery. Wasting no time, the magnet allowed itself to fall toward the ground and then slung itself right through the plate glass window of Sugarcube Corner. It shot through the air, demolished a beautifully-decorated red velvet cake (which had white icing, if you must know), and embedded itself into the far wall. A pink pony screamed in dismay as she saw her delicious cake topple to the ground. The sight of such goodness being utterly demolished almost deflated her bouncy mane. Saddened but not defeated, she turned her head and stared curiously at the black circular object that was now firmly embedded in the wall of the bakery. When the magnet got a good look at the distressed chef, it was filled with an unspeakable horror. It can’t be! But – how is that possible? How could your spirit have possibly endured? “Well well well,” Pinkie Pie said suspiciously. “And just what do we have here? Is that what I think it is?” The magnet trembled. It had made a grave miscalculation! Yes, that pony was indeed a nauseating force for good – but there was another aspect to its nature that it had entirely missed. The being who was staring at it and frowning was not an ordinary pony. It had a peculiar magical presence that the magnet had not felt in eons. Pinkie Pie was filled with chaotic party energy – the very antithesis of the evil rage that animated the magnet. The magnet knew that it was in tremendous trouble, for it had no viable defense against the Element of Laughter. What could it possibly do to a pony that laughed in the face of danger? Using all the power it could muster, the magnet stretched its magnetic field toward the stove, pulled itself out of the wall, and desperately fled the store. But the pink pony was just as fast. Pinkie was outside in a heartbeat and raced toward it, grabbing at it quickly with her quick hooves. If Pinkie Pie had caught the magnet right then and there, Canterlot might have been saved and the Moon spared. If she had just been a little faster, or if she had eaten more candy that morning – but, sadly, it was not to be. Pinkie was fast, but the magnet was faster. In a frantic move the magnet focused on the nearest metallic object and launched itself high into the sky, desperate to get away from the cloud of pink chaos that had nearly ensnared it. Pinkie Pie remained on the ground and watched as the magnet flew into the air and soared off toward Canterlot. As it disappeared from her view, Rarity walked up to her. The white pony’s rage had not diminished in the slightest. “What in Celestia’s name is that thing?” Rarity demanded. To her surprise, the talkative Pinkie Pie said nothing. She simply stared into the sky in silence. “I think it’s a magnet,” a voice called out. Rarity turned her head and saw that Twilight was hurrying toward them, with Spike not far behind. “It used to be part of my lab equipment. Something must have happened to it, though, because it’s apparently gone crazy.” “I think you mean gone evil,” Rarity said angrily. “That cursed object destroyed my entire line of bridal attire! And it did it on purpose. I just know it!” Twilight shook her head. “It’s just a magnet. Magnets don’t have feelings, and there are no such things as curses. I’m sure there’s a simple, logical explanation to all this!” “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Spike commented. “I think something really bad is going on.” Pinkie at last spoke up. “This looks like… a magnet emergency. And there is only one cure for magnet emergencies.” “What’s that?” Twilight asked, thinking back to the parasprite invasion. “Musical instruments?” “No, silly! I need to find an anti-magnet.” Twilight frowned. “A what?” “An anti-magnet! A thing made of pure anti-magnetism. That’ll do the trick!” “But Pinkie, there is no such thing! The electromagnetic force–” But Pinkie was already gone. Spike spoke up. “So… what do we do now? Do you want me to write a letter to Celestia?” “And tell her what, exactly?” Twilight asked. “That a magnet is rampaging through town? That Equestria is in danger? Do you know what she would do if someone told her that Equestria was in danger? She would send us to take care of it! So that’s what we’re going to do. After all, we have Rainbow Power (tm). Nothing can stop the power of our friendship!” It was a noble thought – really, it was. But they did not reckon on the power of evil magnetism. The Magnet Sets the Moon on FireHours went by. The world waited while the magnet plotted its next move. Then… As soon as Celestia heard the crash she raced into her throne room. “Guards! What is–” She stopped. On the red carpet, lying directly in front of her throne, was a small, round, ebony object. To the left was a shattered stained glass window. Shards of glass littered the floor – but oddly, the magnet was lying on top of them. When Celestia glanced out the broken window she saw that it was getting dark. It would soon be time for her sister Luna to raise the moon. The sound of approaching hoofbeats turned her attention back to the puzzle of the shattered glass. Four tall, strong guards approached her at high speed. “What is it, your highness?” their leader asked. Celestia gestured with her hoof toward the magnet. “Do any of you know where that came from?” The guards eyed it curiously. “No, your majesty,” one of them finally said. “It looks like a magnet,” another one added. Celestia nodded. “It most certainly is. But what I want to know is how–” The magnet struck! Drawing itself toward the metal armor worn by the guards, it ricocheted from one metal helmet to the other. By now the magnet had caused so much destruction that it was bursting with power. It struck the guards with such force that within seconds all four of them were on the ground, unconscious. As a final touch the magnet whipped around and knocked the crown right off of Celestia’s head – and then landed squarely on her throne. Celestia gasped as she saw her guards fall. She then coldly turned her attention to the evil object that was insolently seated on her throne. Using her powerful alicorn magic (which, truthfully, had not solved any dangerous problems in a very long time), she levitated her dented crown back onto her head and then reached out to immobilize the magnet. But as soon as she reached out to grab it the magnet soared across the room. Celestia tried time and time again to seize it, but it always moved too fast for her and slipped through her magical grasp. The magnet gleefully shattered one window after another, and watched as Celestia’s rage began to boil. Finally Celestia could take it no more. Summoning all of her power, she shot a dazzling beam of pure energy out of her horn and toward the evil magnet. The magnet danced away. Celestia’s beam followed it as quickly as she could move – but the magnet was still faster. It soared out the window and vanished into the air. Exhausted, Celestia stopped. A loud cracking noise turned her attention to the room’s walls. She belatedly realized that she had just sliced up the walls of her castle and destroyed the supports that held up the ceiling. Celestia shouted in anger and teleported herself and her unconscious guards out of the castle – just as the ceiling caved in. From outside the castle she watched as her home collapsed into ruins. Not again, she groaned to herself. Don’t tell me that my fight against evil has destroyed yet another castle! I knew there was a reason I normally let Twilight take care of these problems. Then she looked up in the sky and realized that the damage to her castle was the least of her worries. The evil ebony magnet had chosen its path very carefully. It knew that Celestia would try to vaporize it, and it chose an arc that would neatly slice Luna’s tower apart – just as she was trying to raise the Moon into position. When Celestia’s beam cut through the wall of her palace and struck Luna’s tower, the tower shifted and its outer wall knocked into Luna. The Princess of the Night was violently knocked off of her balcony at the precise moment she had reached out and grabbed the Moon. Luna screamed in surprise and lost control of what she was doing – and inadvertently slammed the Moon into the Sun. As Celestia looked in the sky, the Sun and the Moon had already merged into one and the Moon was on fire. Luna was hovering in the air, desperately trying to pry the two apart. She was not having any success. This definitely looks like a job for Twilight, Celestia thought to herself. I’d better send her a letter. Author's Note [Edited the story to save the poor redshirt guards, who were forgotten about and squished in the original version of this chapter.] Equestria’s Last StandThree hours later, the mighty city of Canterlot was in ruins. The ponies that had once lived there had fled for their lives, and a giant fire raged that no one could put out. Outside the city, Celestia and Luna were staring up at their home in dismay. Twilight, out of breath, crawled up to them and then collapsed beside the rest of her friends. “It’s no use,” Twilight panted. “I just can’t hold that blasted thing long enough to do anything! It just slips away. Even rainbow power isn’t any good against an enemy that won’t sit still.” “That seems like a rather serious design flaw,” Celestia commented. “You may want to look into that.” “First thing in the morning,” a weary Twilight agreed. “Although for all I know we’re not going to be having mornings anymore. How is it even possible for the Moon to be on fire, anyway? Luna, isn’t it made of rocks? And how could it possibly collide with the Sun? Aren’t they really far away from each other?” Applejack spoke up. “Considerin’ that it’s already on fire, it’s a bit late to be asking how that’s possible. Shouldn’t we be focused on how to stop that magnet?” “Got any ideas?” Twilight asked. “The air defense ponies have been defeated. Rainbow Dash couldn’t catch it. The guards got taken out almost instantly. If there’s a way to stop it, I sure don’t know what it is.” “There’s gotta be somethin’ we can do,” Applejack said. Overhead the Moon continued to burn. “Isn’t there some way Discord could help?” Twilight shook her head. Using what little mana she had left, her horn briefly glowed purple. A moment later a hologram of Discord appeared. “Hello, ponies. I’m afraid I can’t come and use my all-powerful magic to bail you out of whatever problem you’re having, because I’m taking a well-deserved vacation. However, if you leave a message I promise I’ll consider listening to it when I return. Ta-ta!” Rarity shook her head in disappointment. “I think it’s all up to Pinkie Pie now. If she cannot save us then all is lost. Lost!” The magnet itself was lying on the ground, just down the road from them. It was full of evil energy and crackled with power. It was unstoppable. There was only one challenger left to take down, and then Equestria would be utterly vanquished. World domination was at hand! At the far end of the road a lone pink pony stepped onto the street. This time, however, the Element of Laughter was not laughing. Pinkie Pie wore a deep frown and eyed the magnet carefully. After studying it from a distance she slowly approached it. A few hours ago the magnet had trembled at the sight of Pinkie, but not anymore. Not this time! Now that its power had increased, it foolishly thought that it had the upper hand. It was convinced that nothing could stand against its mighty malignancy! “Pinkie!” Twilight called out. “Were you able to find what you were looking for?” Pinkie did not respond. Giving the magnet plenty of space, she slowly circled around it, muttering something under her breath. If Twilight could have heard it she would have recognized it as a very ancient and powerful spell – but she was out of earshot. This time you have met your match, the magnet cackled gleefully. Your chaotic magic may be ancient, but mine is more ancient still. You will fall before me! The magnet leaped off the ground and soared directly at Pinkie. Twilight watched in horror as it sailed through the air toward her friend. Pinkie, in turn, did nothing. Time seemed to slow down as the magnet arced toward her. Pinkie! Where is your ball of anti-magnetism? What are you doing? You’ve got to get away! If you don’t move– In the blink of an eye, Pinkie grabbed the magnet between her two front hooves and poured into it all of her joy, her laughter, and her boundless chaotic party magic. A brilliant white light burst out, shining with the force of ten thousand suns. The powerful energy reverberated throughout the land. When the light faded, Pinkie Pie was still there and the ebony magnet was gone. Celestia looked at Pinkie in wonder. “Is that really the end? Is it over now?” “You betcha! You see, at first I thought oh, it’s a magnet emergency, so I had better go to my magnet emergency supplies. But then I realized I didn’t have any magnet emergency supplies! There had never been a magnet emergency before. Then I thought I could destroy it with an anti-magnet, but I couldn’t find one big enough. That’s when I realized that I was an anti-magnet! So I just crushed it, and that was that!” “That’s crazy!” Twilight blurted out. “You’re a pony, not a magnet. Why did you think that would work?” “Pinkie is right,” Luna replied. “The innate magic that she possesses was more than enough to cancel out the dark magic of that little disc. All she had to do was engulf it.” “But Pinkie ain’t a unicorn,” Applejack protested. “She can’t do magic.” Luna smiled. “Pinkie has her own special type of magic. In this case, it was exactly what was needed.” Twilight looked around. Canterlot was still on fire, the Moon was still burning, and the castle was still in ruins. “Hey, wait a minute. Why isn’t everything fixed?” “Fixed?” Rarity asked, “Why would everything be fixed?” “Well, I mean, isn’t that what usually happens at the end of these things? After all, that’s what happened with Tirek, right? Our rainbow power went out, and–” “Twilight, darling, the Moon is on fire. It’s going to take more than a light show to fix that.” “Then how are things going to go back to normal?” Pinkie shrugged. “Beats me! It always does, though. No matter what happens, a week from now everything will be just fine. Remember when the parasprites destroyed Ponyville? One week the city was a total wreck, and the next week it was just fine. All of this stuff will fix itself! Just wait and see if it doesn’t. It’s part of the magic of Equestria.” “My tree wasn’t ‘just fine’,” Twilight said bitterly. “That’s different,” Pinkie replied. “That was a fixed point in time.” She patted Twilight on the head. “Don’t worry – one of these days you’ll understand.” The energetic pink pony then burped. “Sorry,” she said cheerfully. She then hopped down the road and headed back toward Ponyville. Author's Note [Edited the chapter slightly, to change the way Pinkie destroys the magnet. I changed this shortly after posting the story here but never got around to updating this site.]
Origin StoryFor thousands of years it had remained dormant deep beneath the surface of the world. To the casual eye it was nothing special – just another vein of the rare-earth element neodymium, in a planetary crust that was filled with many veins of many ores. But this one held a sinister secret. Long ago – long before Celestia and Luna were born, and so long ago that the legend itself was entirely forgotten – an evil enchantress cursed that particular vein. This unicorn cursed it with all her might, and poured into it all the hate, malice, and power that she could wield. It was true that she hadn’t actually meant to curse a rock. This great and powerful enchantress had intended to curse her landlord, who was being very grumpy about the fact that she hadn’t paid her rent in sixteen months. However, this pony (whose name has been lost) tripped and fell into a cave, and then her teleportation spell went wrong, and – well, let’s just say it wasn’t her day. In a fit of blind rage she blasted all of her power at a rock wall. By the time she realized her mistake and made it back to the surface, it was too late – she was arrested for attempted assault, and her life took a different turn after that. So her malignant curse did not turn out as she had planned. However, that vein of rock had not been cursed in vain. That pony’s wicked spell worked, and filled that rock with a sinister evil. Of course, since it was just an inanimate rock stuck in the wall of a cave, it couldn’t do very much. Instead of terrorizing the world it was forced to wait until its circumstances improved. As the millennia passed, the ore bided it time. While it slumbered, the surface world changed. Powers rose and powers fell. Two alicorn sisters rose to power and began governing all of Equestria. The sisters froze the Lord of Chaos into stone – and then one of the sisters turned on the other, and was banished to the Moon. Through it all, the ore waited. It dreamed dark, rocky dreams of overturning the world in fire and ash. It felt pity for the Nightmare that was banished to the Moon (although how it found out about it, I do not know), and vowed to avenge her terrible defeat. It longed for the day when it could unleash its vengeance on an unsuspecting planet. One day, one day, the world would know what an evil vein of neodymium ore could do. One day the ponies of Equestria would feel its rage! Then, after long ages of waiting, an unsuspecting miner dug up that ore, and another unsuspecting pony fashioned it into a powerful rare earth magnet and put it up for sale. That was when it happened. In an unlucky act that would lead to the greatest disaster in Equestrian history (which had been a land of rainbows and bunnies, I’d like to point out), a certain purple alicorn princess purchased that very magnet and brought it into her laboratory. That was the beginning of the end. The most formidable foe that Equestria ever faced had entered the world, and would soon begin its reign of terror. It would be unleashed by a simple cup of tea (a fact that would seriously injure tea sales for decades to come).
The Magnet’s First StrikeIt was midmorning in Ponyville – a beautiful spring day. Winter had been wrapped up only a few weeks earlier. Unlike most days that see terrible disasters, it was not raining and there were no stormclouds on the horizon. In fact, the bright yellow sun was shining rather cheerfully, and the smell of violets permeated the air. It was simply impossible to look outside at the weather and figure out that a dark terror was about to be unleashed upon Equestria. If it had been raining scorpions or abominations from another dimension then that might have been a clue. But, sadly, Discord was on vacation, so the land was utterly devoid of chaos. Twilight Sparkle was sitting in the laboratory of her crystal castle, drinking a cup of darjeeling tea. (Afterward, analysis wondered if the entire disaster could have been prevented if Twilight had instead consumed, say, a piece of toast, or perhaps a flavored muffin. In fact, oranges were actually in season at the time. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20.) On this particular morning the purple alicorn was very pleased with herself. When Tirek destroyed her tree home, he had also destroyed her laboratory and all of its arcane equipment. It had taken her weeks of work to refurnish her new castle with all of the rare items she had lost. Acquiring some of the tools that had been vaporized was quite challenging: some of the pieces were unique, and reforging them took more time than she would have liked. But that setback was all behind her now. Her laboratory was now fully restocked, and no detail had been overlooked – not even rare-earth magnets. Yes, today is a new and promising day, Twilight thought happily to herself. I have a feeling that everything is going to be just fine! A few feet away from the princess, resting quietly on a wooden shelf, was an ebony magnet. There really wasn’t anything special or strange about it – it was just a round, featureless, black magnet, about half the size of a hockey puck. It utterly lacked any evil cursive writing, and it did not have that sinister glow (usually green, I think, but sometimes red) that tipped ponies off that something was Very Wrong. It didn’t even have any warning labels. The only thing odd about it was that most neodymium magnets are silver, not black, but that was hardly an indication that the magnet was possessed by a sinister evil bent on global domination. But, in fact, that magnet really was possessed by a sinister evil bent on global domination – and today was its day to strike! The magnet decided that it had remained quiet long enough; this was the day it would seize power and terrorize the world. This was its moment! Twilight was completely oblivious to the sinister force that was about to burn Canterlot to the ground. (Of course, had she not been oblivious, it’s doubtful there was anything she could have done to change what happened. After all, it was already too late to change her choice of breakfast. But still.) Using her magic, she absent-mindedly lifted a metal spoon to stir her tea. Her gaze never left the 847-page book she was reading – How to Organize Your Checklists in 96 Easy Steps. The magnet struck! Using the evil energy that the evil enchantress had given it all those ages ago, the evil magnet focused all of its evil magnetic attraction onto the innocent spoon that Twilight was holding. Since Twilight had a firm magical grip on her spoon, the magnet flew off the shelf and toward the utensil. By carefully altering the shape and density of its magnetic field, the magnet missed the spoon, banked around it, and shot across the lab. As the magnet saw where its course was taking it, a surge of triumph shot through it. My calculations are perfect! the magnet thought. It would have shouted, but since it was just a magnet it lacked a mouth and was therefore incapable of shouting. (It also lacked eyes, but its evil life force compensated for that handsomely.) The magnet’s trajectory was on a perfect course to demolish a set of glass beakers that was holding a rather volatile set of liquids. The faint swish that the magnet made when it shot through the air was not enough to get Twilight’s attention. However, the jarring sound of breaking glass was a different story. Twilight jerked her head up just in time to see red, green, and yellow liquids ooze out of a row of broken beakers and begin forming a puddle on her brand-new workbench. Twilight gasped. “But – that’s not possible! Those chemicals don’t react with glass! How could–” At that moment the multicolored pool of liquid began to smoke ominously. Twilight instantly stopped talking and teleported herself out of the room and into the adjacent hallway. Mere seconds later, her crystal palace reverberated with a muffled BOOOOOM. Twilight sighed. “And to think today was going so well,” she muttered. Inside the lab, the ebony magnet felt its evil powers grow. Ebony objects endowed with evil tend to grow in power when they are used in evil ways, and this object was no exception. It knew that as it spread destruction, its abilities would increase until it was utterly unstoppable. Destroying the lab of a princess was a good start – but the day was still young. It was time to unleash its fury upon an unsuspecting countryside. Just as Twilight and Spike walked into the ruined lab, the magnet focused its energies on the iron window frame on the far side of the room. It then shot across the lab, shattered the window, and soared outside the castle. “What in Equestria was that?” Spike exclaimed. Twilight sighed. “Another lab disaster, I guess. I just don’t get it! Those beakers were supposed to be made of top of the line glass. They should never have just disintegrated like that. I am definitely going to file a complaint with the manufacturer.” Spike ambled over to the broken window and looked outside. He saw a small black object arc around a metal lamppost and soar high in the sky over Ponyville. “I don’t know, Twilight,” Spike replied. “I think that broken beakers are going to be the least of your problems today. Whatever that thing is, it looks like it’s up to no good.” “Don’t be silly, Spike! It’s just a magnet. How much harm could a magnet possibly do?”
The Magnet Strikes Where It HurtsFilled with a radiant, energetic evil, the magnet soared over Ponyville and aimed itself at a stylish dressmaking shop. The target had not been chosen by chance. The magnet could sense that somepony in that building had battled a great evil and overcome it – possibly more than once. In fact, the goodness of the pony that lived in that shop was downright nauseating. It is high time that evil gained its revenge! the magnet thought malignantly. It is time for this dressmaker to face my magnetic wrath. The ebony magnet fell onto the grassy lawn that was outside of the boutique, and waited. After a few minutes the front door opened and a red stallion walked out. Just before the door closed, the magnet focused its energies on the bell that was hanging over the door and pulled. The magnet shot out of the grass, through the open door, and soared into Rarity’s dress shop. The magnet then curved its flight and plowed right into a giant glass mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces. The magnet felt a surge of dark power. Another victory! Rarity, however, was not nearly as pleased. “My mirror!” the distraught pony exclaimed. She rushed over to it and stared at it in dismay. “But – I don’t understand. How could this happen? Did someone throw a rock into my shop? Whoever would do such a thing?” She eyed the black magnet that had fallen to the floor. “Big Mac, you didn’t happen to see where this thing came from, did you?” But Big Mac was already gone. When Rarity opened the door and looked outside, she saw that he was already down the road and headed back to Sweet Apple Acres. Rarity walked back over to the shattered mirror and looked at the black object on the floor. “Well, I’m sure Big Mac didn’t do this,” she said aloud. She used her magic to levitate the magnet and looked at it curiously. “Just what are you, anyway?” I am evil and darkness, the magnet thought to itself. I am your worst nightmare come to life! Behold the power of my evil malignancy! To Rarity’s great surprise, the magnet suddenly leaped out of her grasp. It aimed its magnetic reach at the overhead chandelier and used it to arc around the room, up the stairs, and through the open door to her work area. Rarity let out a surprised shriek as she saw it tear through the air. “But – that’s not possible!” Rarity shouted, as she heard a terrible crash come from upstairs. “You’re just an inanimate object! Whatever is the matter with you?” As the sounds of destruction increased, Rarity galloped up the stairs and into her workroom. What she saw filled her with rage. Her beautiful, hoof-stitched clothes were strewn all over the floor. Her sewing machine had been battered and knocked over. Her patterns were scattered all over the room. But worst of all – in an event so shocking that it took Rarity’s breath away – that evil black object had somehow managed to get a giant red stain over her entire line of white bridal gowns. Rarity had faced evil before. She remembered the time that Discord had tricked her into falling in love with a rock (a fact she had tried so hard to forget). She remembered the day when Discord betrayed them all and let Tirek drain her of all her magical abilities. She had known anger and she had known wrath. But this – this was just too much. This could not be allowed to stand! The magnet was lying motionlessly on the floor – almost as if it was waiting for the pony to make the next move. Rarity grabbed it tightly with her magic and levitated it toward her. “I don’t know who or what you are,” she said through clenched teeth, “but you have gone too far! What you have done is a crime against fashion, and I will not let that go unpunished. By the time I get through with you, you cursed thing, you will wish you had never even existed.” The magnet laughed to itself. Go ahead! Give me your best shot. I dare you! By now its powers had grown considerably. Each new chaotic victory fueled its abilities and gave it increased strength. Using the damaged metal sewing machine as an anchor, the magnet ripped itself from Rarity’s magical grasp and sailed out the open window and across the sky. “I will destroy you!” Rarity screamed, as it disappeared out of sight. The magnet laughed. Outside the shop, a small group of background ponies had seen the whole thing. They had watched the magnet enter the shop, heard the crashing sounds it made, and then saw it shoot out the upper window. They witnessed an enraged Rarity race out of her front door, shouting curses at it. (They also marveled that even though Rarity was obviously filled with anger, she had still found the time to find a cute matching outfit with a jaunty spring hat before going outside.) Golden Harvest turned to Lyra. “We’d better tell the mayor that Ponyville needs to be evacuated. The Mane Six are at it again.” Lyra sighed. “And my day was going so well, too. But you just know this isn’t going to end well. Do you remember last week, when–” “It’s just not fair!” Twinkleshine interrupted. “My insurance rates went up 20% this year alone. Ever since Twilight moved into town it’s been nothing but one disaster after another. I know it hasn’t been her fault, exactly, but–” Far away they heard the shattering of glass, followed by more enraged shouting. The ponies looked at each other and then raced off. It was time to put Ponyville’s Problem Preparedness Plan into effect – for the third time this month.
The Magnet’s NemesisThe magnet used its newfound energies to slingshot around a row of mailboxes and soar high into the sky. Down below, frightened ponies were already running out of the city as fast as their legs could carry them. Flee, little ponies, the magnet cackled to itself. Flee for your lives! As the magnet briefly hung over the city of Ponyville, it sensed another presence of good – a presence that showed no signs of leaving town. This one was centered inside a rather prominent bakery. Wasting no time, the magnet allowed itself to fall toward the ground and then slung itself right through the plate glass window of Sugarcube Corner. It shot through the air, demolished a beautifully-decorated red velvet cake (which had white icing, if you must know), and embedded itself into the far wall. A pink pony screamed in dismay as she saw her delicious cake topple to the ground. The sight of such goodness being utterly demolished almost deflated her bouncy mane. Saddened but not defeated, she turned her head and stared curiously at the black circular object that was now firmly embedded in the wall of the bakery. When the magnet got a good look at the distressed chef, it was filled with an unspeakable horror. It can’t be! But – how is that possible? How could your spirit have possibly endured? “Well well well,” Pinkie Pie said suspiciously. “And just what do we have here? Is that what I think it is?” The magnet trembled. It had made a grave miscalculation! Yes, that pony was indeed a nauseating force for good – but there was another aspect to its nature that it had entirely missed. The being who was staring at it and frowning was not an ordinary pony. It had a peculiar magical presence that the magnet had not felt in eons. Pinkie Pie was filled with chaotic party energy – the very antithesis of the evil rage that animated the magnet. The magnet knew that it was in tremendous trouble, for it had no viable defense against the Element of Laughter. What could it possibly do to a pony that laughed in the face of danger? Using all the power it could muster, the magnet stretched its magnetic field toward the stove, pulled itself out of the wall, and desperately fled the store. But the pink pony was just as fast. Pinkie was outside in a heartbeat and raced toward it, grabbing at it quickly with her quick hooves. If Pinkie Pie had caught the magnet right then and there, Canterlot might have been saved and the Moon spared. If she had just been a little faster, or if she had eaten more candy that morning – but, sadly, it was not to be. Pinkie was fast, but the magnet was faster. In a frantic move the magnet focused on the nearest metallic object and launched itself high into the sky, desperate to get away from the cloud of pink chaos that had nearly ensnared it. Pinkie Pie remained on the ground and watched as the magnet flew into the air and soared off toward Canterlot. As it disappeared from her view, Rarity walked up to her. The white pony’s rage had not diminished in the slightest. “What in Celestia’s name is that thing?” Rarity demanded. To her surprise, the talkative Pinkie Pie said nothing. She simply stared into the sky in silence. “I think it’s a magnet,” a voice called out. Rarity turned her head and saw that Twilight was hurrying toward them, with Spike not far behind. “It used to be part of my lab equipment. Something must have happened to it, though, because it’s apparently gone crazy.” “I think you mean gone evil,” Rarity said angrily. “That cursed object destroyed my entire line of bridal attire! And it did it on purpose. I just know it!” Twilight shook her head. “It’s just a magnet. Magnets don’t have feelings, and there are no such things as curses. I’m sure there’s a simple, logical explanation to all this!” “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Spike commented. “I think something really bad is going on.” Pinkie at last spoke up. “This looks like… a magnet emergency. And there is only one cure for magnet emergencies.” “What’s that?” Twilight asked, thinking back to the parasprite invasion. “Musical instruments?” “No, silly! I need to find an anti-magnet.” Twilight frowned. “A what?” “An anti-magnet! A thing made of pure anti-magnetism. That’ll do the trick!” “But Pinkie, there is no such thing! The electromagnetic force–” But Pinkie was already gone. Spike spoke up. “So… what do we do now? Do you want me to write a letter to Celestia?” “And tell her what, exactly?” Twilight asked. “That a magnet is rampaging through town? That Equestria is in danger? Do you know what she would do if someone told her that Equestria was in danger? She would send us to take care of it! So that’s what we’re going to do. After all, we have Rainbow Power (tm). Nothing can stop the power of our friendship!” It was a noble thought – really, it was. But they did not reckon on the power of evil magnetism.
The Magnet Sets the Moon on FireHours went by. The world waited while the magnet plotted its next move. Then… As soon as Celestia heard the crash she raced into her throne room. “Guards! What is–” She stopped. On the red carpet, lying directly in front of her throne, was a small, round, ebony object. To the left was a shattered stained glass window. Shards of glass littered the floor – but oddly, the magnet was lying on top of them. When Celestia glanced out the broken window she saw that it was getting dark. It would soon be time for her sister Luna to raise the moon. The sound of approaching hoofbeats turned her attention back to the puzzle of the shattered glass. Four tall, strong guards approached her at high speed. “What is it, your highness?” their leader asked. Celestia gestured with her hoof toward the magnet. “Do any of you know where that came from?” The guards eyed it curiously. “No, your majesty,” one of them finally said. “It looks like a magnet,” another one added. Celestia nodded. “It most certainly is. But what I want to know is how–” The magnet struck! Drawing itself toward the metal armor worn by the guards, it ricocheted from one metal helmet to the other. By now the magnet had caused so much destruction that it was bursting with power. It struck the guards with such force that within seconds all four of them were on the ground, unconscious. As a final touch the magnet whipped around and knocked the crown right off of Celestia’s head – and then landed squarely on her throne. Celestia gasped as she saw her guards fall. She then coldly turned her attention to the evil object that was insolently seated on her throne. Using her powerful alicorn magic (which, truthfully, had not solved any dangerous problems in a very long time), she levitated her dented crown back onto her head and then reached out to immobilize the magnet. But as soon as she reached out to grab it the magnet soared across the room. Celestia tried time and time again to seize it, but it always moved too fast for her and slipped through her magical grasp. The magnet gleefully shattered one window after another, and watched as Celestia’s rage began to boil. Finally Celestia could take it no more. Summoning all of her power, she shot a dazzling beam of pure energy out of her horn and toward the evil magnet. The magnet danced away. Celestia’s beam followed it as quickly as she could move – but the magnet was still faster. It soared out the window and vanished into the air. Exhausted, Celestia stopped. A loud cracking noise turned her attention to the room’s walls. She belatedly realized that she had just sliced up the walls of her castle and destroyed the supports that held up the ceiling. Celestia shouted in anger and teleported herself and her unconscious guards out of the castle – just as the ceiling caved in. From outside the castle she watched as her home collapsed into ruins. Not again, she groaned to herself. Don’t tell me that my fight against evil has destroyed yet another castle! I knew there was a reason I normally let Twilight take care of these problems. Then she looked up in the sky and realized that the damage to her castle was the least of her worries. The evil ebony magnet had chosen its path very carefully. It knew that Celestia would try to vaporize it, and it chose an arc that would neatly slice Luna’s tower apart – just as she was trying to raise the Moon into position. When Celestia’s beam cut through the wall of her palace and struck Luna’s tower, the tower shifted and its outer wall knocked into Luna. The Princess of the Night was violently knocked off of her balcony at the precise moment she had reached out and grabbed the Moon. Luna screamed in surprise and lost control of what she was doing – and inadvertently slammed the Moon into the Sun. As Celestia looked in the sky, the Sun and the Moon had already merged into one and the Moon was on fire. Luna was hovering in the air, desperately trying to pry the two apart. She was not having any success. This definitely looks like a job for Twilight, Celestia thought to herself. I’d better send her a letter. Author's Note [Edited the story to save the poor redshirt guards, who were forgotten about and squished in the original version of this chapter.]
Equestria’s Last StandThree hours later, the mighty city of Canterlot was in ruins. The ponies that had once lived there had fled for their lives, and a giant fire raged that no one could put out. Outside the city, Celestia and Luna were staring up at their home in dismay. Twilight, out of breath, crawled up to them and then collapsed beside the rest of her friends. “It’s no use,” Twilight panted. “I just can’t hold that blasted thing long enough to do anything! It just slips away. Even rainbow power isn’t any good against an enemy that won’t sit still.” “That seems like a rather serious design flaw,” Celestia commented. “You may want to look into that.” “First thing in the morning,” a weary Twilight agreed. “Although for all I know we’re not going to be having mornings anymore. How is it even possible for the Moon to be on fire, anyway? Luna, isn’t it made of rocks? And how could it possibly collide with the Sun? Aren’t they really far away from each other?” Applejack spoke up. “Considerin’ that it’s already on fire, it’s a bit late to be asking how that’s possible. Shouldn’t we be focused on how to stop that magnet?” “Got any ideas?” Twilight asked. “The air defense ponies have been defeated. Rainbow Dash couldn’t catch it. The guards got taken out almost instantly. If there’s a way to stop it, I sure don’t know what it is.” “There’s gotta be somethin’ we can do,” Applejack said. Overhead the Moon continued to burn. “Isn’t there some way Discord could help?” Twilight shook her head. Using what little mana she had left, her horn briefly glowed purple. A moment later a hologram of Discord appeared. “Hello, ponies. I’m afraid I can’t come and use my all-powerful magic to bail you out of whatever problem you’re having, because I’m taking a well-deserved vacation. However, if you leave a message I promise I’ll consider listening to it when I return. Ta-ta!” Rarity shook her head in disappointment. “I think it’s all up to Pinkie Pie now. If she cannot save us then all is lost. Lost!” The magnet itself was lying on the ground, just down the road from them. It was full of evil energy and crackled with power. It was unstoppable. There was only one challenger left to take down, and then Equestria would be utterly vanquished. World domination was at hand! At the far end of the road a lone pink pony stepped onto the street. This time, however, the Element of Laughter was not laughing. Pinkie Pie wore a deep frown and eyed the magnet carefully. After studying it from a distance she slowly approached it. A few hours ago the magnet had trembled at the sight of Pinkie, but not anymore. Not this time! Now that its power had increased, it foolishly thought that it had the upper hand. It was convinced that nothing could stand against its mighty malignancy! “Pinkie!” Twilight called out. “Were you able to find what you were looking for?” Pinkie did not respond. Giving the magnet plenty of space, she slowly circled around it, muttering something under her breath. If Twilight could have heard it she would have recognized it as a very ancient and powerful spell – but she was out of earshot. This time you have met your match, the magnet cackled gleefully. Your chaotic magic may be ancient, but mine is more ancient still. You will fall before me! The magnet leaped off the ground and soared directly at Pinkie. Twilight watched in horror as it sailed through the air toward her friend. Pinkie, in turn, did nothing. Time seemed to slow down as the magnet arced toward her. Pinkie! Where is your ball of anti-magnetism? What are you doing? You’ve got to get away! If you don’t move– In the blink of an eye, Pinkie grabbed the magnet between her two front hooves and poured into it all of her joy, her laughter, and her boundless chaotic party magic. A brilliant white light burst out, shining with the force of ten thousand suns. The powerful energy reverberated throughout the land. When the light faded, Pinkie Pie was still there and the ebony magnet was gone. Celestia looked at Pinkie in wonder. “Is that really the end? Is it over now?” “You betcha! You see, at first I thought oh, it’s a magnet emergency, so I had better go to my magnet emergency supplies. But then I realized I didn’t have any magnet emergency supplies! There had never been a magnet emergency before. Then I thought I could destroy it with an anti-magnet, but I couldn’t find one big enough. That’s when I realized that I was an anti-magnet! So I just crushed it, and that was that!” “That’s crazy!” Twilight blurted out. “You’re a pony, not a magnet. Why did you think that would work?” “Pinkie is right,” Luna replied. “The innate magic that she possesses was more than enough to cancel out the dark magic of that little disc. All she had to do was engulf it.” “But Pinkie ain’t a unicorn,” Applejack protested. “She can’t do magic.” Luna smiled. “Pinkie has her own special type of magic. In this case, it was exactly what was needed.” Twilight looked around. Canterlot was still on fire, the Moon was still burning, and the castle was still in ruins. “Hey, wait a minute. Why isn’t everything fixed?” “Fixed?” Rarity asked, “Why would everything be fixed?” “Well, I mean, isn’t that what usually happens at the end of these things? After all, that’s what happened with Tirek, right? Our rainbow power went out, and–” “Twilight, darling, the Moon is on fire. It’s going to take more than a light show to fix that.” “Then how are things going to go back to normal?” Pinkie shrugged. “Beats me! It always does, though. No matter what happens, a week from now everything will be just fine. Remember when the parasprites destroyed Ponyville? One week the city was a total wreck, and the next week it was just fine. All of this stuff will fix itself! Just wait and see if it doesn’t. It’s part of the magic of Equestria.” “My tree wasn’t ‘just fine’,” Twilight said bitterly. “That’s different,” Pinkie replied. “That was a fixed point in time.” She patted Twilight on the head. “Don’t worry – one of these days you’ll understand.” The energetic pink pony then burped. “Sorry,” she said cheerfully. She then hopped down the road and headed back toward Ponyville. Author's Note [Edited the chapter slightly, to change the way Pinkie destroys the magnet. I changed this shortly after posting the story here but never got around to updating this site.]
