When Life Gives You Lemons . . .
Night had fallen upon Ponyville. A few lights were on in a few scattered houses, but no one seemed to be stirring at this time. From a shady alleyway across from Sofas and Quills, a shadowy figure gave a smile as it pulled a cloak over its head and walked out into the street. Quietly, it walked down the street with a bag of lemons, carefully placing a small pile of them on everypony's doorstep before dashing off into the shadows to repeat the process.
********
"What?"
Twilight looked in disbelief at what she saw on the doorstep. Staring back at her was a pile of bright yellow lemons, which she was certain hadn't been there the night before. Dumbfounded, she picked up the lemons and brought them inside.
Spike yawned as he walked down the stairs, giving a shrug as he passed Twilight and her relatively strange cargo. "Whatever. Isn't the strangest thing that's happened around here."
She picked up a book on citrus fruit before heading down to her lab. She set the lemons down on the table. Not sure where to start, she took out the book and skimmed through it to the chapter on lemons.
Lemons are a distinctly yellow fruit well known for their sour taste. The juices of the fruit are often used as a flavoring in cooking, and while uncommon, the fruit can be eaten raw if the peel is removed.
Lemons were believed to have been first cultivated by Earth Ponies in the southern region of Neighpan. They grow on small trees in most temperate climates, but grow best in regions that remain warm throughout the year.
Lemons contain a large amount of citric acid giving the juice a large number of applications outside of culinary arts. The juice can be used as a non-toxic cleaning agent, and works excellently as a variety of invisible ink.
The last entry caught Twilight's eye. She had been trying to find a good form of invisible ink for a while now, but she hadn't come up with any conclusive results until now. Curiously, she levitated a piece of paper and a knife over to the table.
She took the knife and cut one of the lemons into wedges. Following the directions listed in the chapter, she squeezed the juice out the lemon into an inkwell, took a quill, and began writing with the lemon juice. It only took her a few minutes to write what she wanted, and before she knew it, she was ready to see if would work.
She took the paper and went upstairs. Spike had fallen asleep amidst the reference section, while Owloysius fluttered around the room, catching up on Spike's morning chores. Realizing that Spike wouldn't be much help to her in this state, she called for her owl friend.
"Owloysius! Can you fetch me a candle and a match? I'm experimenting with a new form of writing, and I'll be needing those materials to see whether it works."
"Who." Owloysius flew upstairs to fetch the materials. Twilight trotted over to her desk and set the note down, examining it. The ink had dried invisible by this point, which half-confirmed it as a valid type of invisible ink.
Owloysius quickly returned with a match and candles in his talons. She took the supplies, thanked him, then set up for the last phase of the experiment. She struck the match on the table and lit the candle.
Nervously, she held the candle over the flame. Clear as day, as the paper turned brown from the candle, the message appeared on the paper. She gave an overenthusiastic yell, accidentally waking Spike up.
"What happened?"
********
Pinkie Pie burst out the front door of Sugar Cube Corner, trying to figure out what her most recent doozie was. A simple left eye twitch, tail shake, and knee knock had was all that had happened, but it was still a new one to her. In her resolve to get to the bottom if things, she tripped on the pile of lemons and fell into an inconveniently located puddle.
"What's that doing here? It hasn't rained in days," she thought aloud to herself as she picked herself up and shook off the water. She looked around to see if anypony was watching her, since if this was a prank, usually somepony would come out and reveal themselves as the culprit. Seeing no one, she suspiciously picked up the lemons and went inside.
Mr. And Mrs. Cake were hard at work getting set up for the morning rush of customers. Pinkie could already smell the cinnamon buns cooking in the kitchen from the dining room. She licked her lips as she carried the lemons to the kitchen.
"Pinkie! Can you check on the cinnamon buns while your back there? And don't make a mess!"
She set the lemons down the counter. Heeding Mrs. Cake, she went over to the oven and opened the door. A cloud of steam hit her in the face, momentarily blocking her vision. The buns were clearly done, so she grabbed a pair of oven mitts and took them out, humming a ditty that she planned on using during her next adventure with her friends.
She set the buns down. They still needed to be frosted, so she went to get the frosting, which was coincidentally located directly above the pile of lemons. Still unsure what to do with them, she continued to ignore them and grabbed the frosting. She accidentally knocked a bag of sugar onto the floor as she pulled it out of the cabinet, sending a large cloud of fine dust into the air.
A sugar-coated Pinkie jumped up with excitement as a thought came to her head. "Idea!"
She quickly swept the sugar off the floor and gathered up all the things she needed for her idea. A pitcher sat on the counter, with a few assorted ingredients and a juicer off to the side. She picked up a lemon and got to work.
After having heard Pinkie scream that she had an idea, a worried Mr. and Mrs. Cake walked into the kitchen. Other than the fact that Pinkie was coated in sugar dust, everything seemed relatively normal. On closer examination, though, they saw that a pile of lemon peels sat beside a pitcher full of a purplish liquid. "Pinkie, what exactly did you make?"
"Grape juice!"
********
Carousel Boutique was in a mess. All night, Rarity had been trying to come up with a new, exciting idea for her summer line, but inspiration was refusing to come to her. For once, she was fresh out of ideas to make clothing designs with.
She walked over to the bare mannequin in the corner of the room. Scraps of fabric from earlier failed ideas lined the floor. Seeing the mess, she gave a gasp and began sorting the salvageable pieces of fabric and reorganizing the chaos that the boutique had become.
She was gathering up the yellow fabrics when she heard a knock on the door. It was rare that customers would arrive this early, so she presumed it was probably her parents dropping off Sweetie Belle before they went off on another one of their crazy vacations. "Come on in, the door's open!"
Her parents walked in, closely followed by her sister. She was carrying a bag full of round, yellow objects for some strange reason. 'Probably some crazy Crusader idea,' she thought to herself.
Sweetie Belle set down the lemons with an excited smile on her face. "Rarity! I saw these sitting outside on your doorstep, and I thought you might have ordered them or something, so I brought them in for you!"
Rarity looked at her with a confused look. She didn't even have any use for lemons, so why would she even bother with ordering a whole pile of them? She shook her head and replied to Sweetie. "This is . . . strange. I don't remember asking anypony for lemons. Sweetie, dear, do you thi-"
Her mother interrupted her mid sentence. "Rarity, dear, I'm afraid that Magnum and I have to be going soon. Take care of Sweetie Belle!" She dropped off Sweetie's suitcase and walked toward the door. Magnum followed close behind her.
Rarity looked back at Sweetie Belle and the lemons. She thought back to what she was about to say, but was distracted by the bag of fruit in on the table. 'Lemons,' she thought to herself, 'Lemons . . . that's it! This could be my new summer line!' She shook excitedly in her spot.
"Uh, Rarity, are you all right?" Sweetie Belle looked at her with concern. Rarity gasped as she saw what she was doing and quickly calmed down.
"Of course, sweetheart. I only just thought an idea for my newest fashion line!" She squealed, trying to contain her excitement. Sweetie Belle responded with her own excited trill.
"OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh!"
Rarity began to scour the room for fabrics she could use for the line. She finally settled on a few shades of gold and yellow fabrics, and went up to her workroom to get started. Sweetie Belle followed closely behind.
As Rarity got to work, Sweetie asked Rarity a question. "Wait a minute. What's the idea behind these new dresses?"
"Oh, just absolutely gorgeous lemons!"
********
Rainbow Dash was stretching her wings, getting ready for her morning flight routine. The weather team was preparing for a scheduled thunderstorm that afternoon, and she wanted to be ready. Not that she needed the practice; if it would've been happening right there and then, she would've been ready.
She finished her wing-ups and stretched her legs before heading to the front door. She opened the door and got into her starting position. '3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . lemons?'
She paused, wondering how the lemons even got on her doorstep. Even Pinkie hadn't managed to do that, and from what she had seen, there weren't many things she couldn't do.
She picked up one of the lemons and gave it a good look. There was no mistaking it: this was a lemon. A perfectly normal, everyday, run of the mill lemon. She tossed the lemon out onto the clouds surrounding her house, cringing as it fell through the cloud and down into Ponyville. 'I sure hope that didn't hit anypony.'
She gave a grin as she came up with an idea. She picked up another lemon and gave it a toss, throwing it harder and faster this time. She waited for a few seconds then flew after it.
It didn't take her long to catch up to it. She sped out to slightly in front of it and caught the lemon, accidentally create a sticky mess due to not slowing it down before she caught it.
Rainbow sped off to find a raincloud to wash herself off with. It wasn't hard; with the thunderstorm planned for the afternoon, they had been letting some clouds collect water. She gave the cloud a kick and rinsed herself off.
She quickly sped back to her house and picked up another lemon. 'Remember Rainbow, this time you need to slow it down before you catch it.' She gave the lemon a long, hard throw into the wind. This time, she waited until it was nearing the ground to catch it.
Down on the ground, Scootaloo was riding her scooter leisurely. She was attempting a jump when a lemon hit her helmet. She looked around for where it might have came from, but saw nothing.
"Well, that was weird." She gave a shrug and continued riding along.
********
Fluttershy awoke to the sound of hungry birds chirping. The sun hadn't quite risen yet, but the animals woke up earlier than most ponies, and she had to be up with them. She crawled out of bed and began humming a little ditty as she went about her morning chores.
Angel seemed exceptionally irate this morning. Normally, he would only take a little bit of coaxing to eat his breakfast, but today he appeared to be trying to get her out the door. Finally giving in, she went to the front door and opened it.
She paused when she noticed that there was a pile of lemons on her doorstep for some reason. She would occasionally get donations of vegetables from vendors at the market, but it didn't make sense for somepony to leave lemons. She wasn't one to refuse a gift though; she picked up the lemons and brought them inside.
She set the lemons down on her table and headed back outside with a basket. The sky had turned from black to gray and the stars had gone away by this point, giving her some visibility of her home. She trotted over to the chicken coop to collect some eggs.
"Excuse me, Elizabeak, but Pinkie Pie needs some eggs for the cake she's making later, and I was wondering if I could take some . . . if that's alright with you."
The chicken clucked acceptingly, and stepped out of Fluttershy's way. She went into the coop, keeping an eye open for any eggs. She found eight eggs by the time she was done. It wasn't a lot, but it would be enough for Pinkie.
She trotted back into the house with the eggs. She set them down on the table next to the lemons. Her mind still on Pinkie, she came up with an idea for what to do with the lemons. She picked up the lemons and put them carefully into the egg basket, keeping the eggs perfectly intact.
She gave Angel a pat on the head. "Now you be a good boy, Angel. If you don't get into any trouble, Mama might bring you back some juicy cherries from the market." Angel licked his lips in response to her bribe.
She picked up the basket and headed out the door. As soon as she was out of sight, Angel gave a devious smile. He had a carton of blueberries in the fridge to raid.
********
A scream rippled across Sweet Apple Acres.
Granny Smith looked in horror at what was sitting on front step of the Apple family home. A pile of lemons sat on the porch, mocking Granny by their mere presence on the farm. "That dagnabbit Lemon family! They've been trying to get this land since I was a little filly. But they won't be taking it! Not today!"
Applejack gave a chuckle as she rushed to Granny Smith's aid. It wasn't the first time she had gotten worked up like this; whenever something unusual happened on the farm, she would get into a tizzy.
"Granny, don't worry. The Lemon's aren't trying to steal our land. Just go back to bed and I'll take care of the whole mess."
Granny walked off the porch and into the house. Trying to resolve the issue, she picked up the lemons and put them in her bag before heading off to get back to her chores. The northwest orchard needed to be bucked today, and the sooner she got started, the better.
Big Macintosh met her as she got back to work. He had managed to buck nearly thirty trees while she was helping Granny. She put on her apple catcher and got to work at the end of the orchard her brother wasn't working on. As soon as her legs met the first tree, a few lemons rolled out of her saddlebag, one of them rolling right up to her brother.
Big Mac gave her a look that said, "Why?" She wasn't quite certain what had happened, but she attempted to explain anyway. His eyes glazed over very early on, leaving Applejack giving a speech to essentially herself.
"Big Mac, are ya listening to me?" She bucked the tree he was standing under to get his attention, bombarding him with a shower of apples.
" Eeyup," he whined as an apple hit him square in the muzzle. Applejack chuckled as he comforted the parts of him where apples had hit.
Seeing that he had no idea what was going on, she decided that she needed to take matters into her own hooves. She took off her apple catcher and galloped down the path towards town. As she passed the farmhouse, she shouted to Granny Smith, "Ah'm heading into town, Granny! Ah'll be back by lunch!"
"Did ya say somethin'?"
********
Discord arbitrarily got out of bed. All around him, assorted odds and ends floated in the air, and the paint color of the room changed color and pattern every few seconds. "Ah, beautiful chaos. Isn't it wonderful?," he said to no one in particular.
He snapped his fingers and a bowl of cereal appeared in his hand. He grabbed a fork that floated by him, skewered the bowl, and ate it. He threw the cereal off to the side, where it collided with a doorstep, exploding into dust but leaving everything else unscathed.
He took a second look at the doorstep. He was quite certain that he hadn't put lemons on it. He may have been a being of chaos, but when something chaotic came up that wasn't his doing, he was genuinely confused. 'Lemons. How curious. I may have to consider this the next time I try to spread some chaos.'
He picked up the lemons, considering what the most chaotic thing to do with them would be. He could make any number of items, but most of them were at least somewhat orderly. He could turn them into something else, but he had done that much too often in the past few months. Frustrated, he threw one of the lemons into the wall, creating the second explosion that morning.
"Curse you, life! I didn't want any lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Make lemonade? No! I'm not making lemonade! Do you know who I am? I am Discord, Master of Chaos! And you know what? Now that you've made me angry, I'm gonna burn your house down with these lemons! I'm going to make these explosive lemons and burn your house down!" He threw the lemons into a portal on the wall.
Halfway across the multiverse, Life ran screaming, trying to get out of his house before it burned down.
********
A crowd of ponies had gathered around town hall. From what Mayor Mare could tell, something involving lemons had happened that morning, and they were expecting answers. Answers that she didn't have.
Applejack and Lemon Torte, a yellow mare, burst in the door. Lemon Torte was panting heavily, and her eyes were wet with tears. Mayor Mare trotted over to them, wondering what had happened.
Applejack spoke with expediency. "Mayor, we have a problem. Lemon Meringue ran off last night with a large supply of lemons. She hasn't returned since then, and apparently everypony has received a pile of lemons on their doorstep. Can ya help us?"
Mayor Mare gave a disappointing nod. "I don't know what else I can do, but I'll tell the townsfolk to keep an eye out for her." Lemon Torte gave a halfhearted smile.
The mayor walked upstairs to the balcony of town hall. From what she could tell, almost everypony in town was gathered. A few were carrying baskets of lemons or jugs of lemonade, and for some odd reason, Pinkie Pie was carrying a pitcher of grape juice.
She tapped the railing in an attempt to get everypony's attention. A few heads turned her way and there was a small drop in volume, but most of the crowd was still shouting. She was about to yell at the crowd when a small, piercing voice spoke from the pinnacle of the building.
"Citizens of Ponyville! I cannot reveal my real true name to you, but you may refer to me as life." She looked up to see a small filly draped in a black cloak standing on the roof. Down below, she heard a heavy pounding of hooves coming up the stairs. A few ponies in the crowd laughed, including some very loud hysterical laughter from Pinkie Pie.
"Now, I'm certain that you are all here due to receiving a very strange gift last night. Well, I am here to tell you tha-" She was interrupted by Applejack and Lemon Torte bursting onto the balcony.
Lemon Torte shouted up to the cloaked figure. "Lemon Meringue, get down from there!"
"But mo-om!"
"I said get down from there!" The cloaked figure muttered as she climbed down from the roof. A mix of laughter and awing came up from the crowd.
"Lemon Meringue, I was so worried about you!" Torte let out a few tears as she was reunited with her daughter.
Applejack smiled at the sight. "This is what life's all about. Yes, occasionally you will receive lemons, but that doesn't mean you just have to make lemonade. Sometimes, it's the other possibilities that make it worthwhile."
Mayor Mare looked at her, confused. "And that's supposed to mean . . . ?"
Applejack opened her mouth to respond when she was suddenly interrupted by a shout from the crowd.
"Now what am I supposed to do with these lemons?"
The End?
